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Necron Lord of All Kaurava

2017-04-29T15:51:59Z

2602:306:C544:B790:79E7:C156:DC1F:A3E9:

[[Image:Necron Lord of All Kaurava.jpg|thumb|300px|right|YOU FUCKING KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN!!]]

The '''Necron Lord of All Kaurava''', sometimes jokingly called '''Great-Grandpa of the Kaurava Dynasty''', is the [[Necron Lord]] of ''[[Dawn of War]]: [[Dawn of War#Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]''. Notable for his slow, sibilant dialogue that sounds all in the world like an exhausted old man trying to say each and every word of dialogue as angrily and bile-filled as possible, he is ancient, even by [[Necron]] standards, therefore making him the guy even [[Papalith]] calls an [[Old Ones|old]] fuck. The stasis of his tomb broken by the encroaching [[Warp|Warp Storm]] (thanks a fucking ''lot'', [[Firaeveus Carron|Carron]]), the Necron Lord of All Kaurava wakes up from his aeons-long hangover to find out that the Space Elves have returned and like half a dozen races in addition have shown up to make pests of themselves in the [[Kaurava System]].

Like most of the characters in Soulstorm, the Necron Lord has almost no dialogue and virtually no interaction with other characters. He frequently responds with one or two word responses, making his dialogue especially terse and morose. In an army already criminally short on dialogue, the Necron Lord of All Kaurava manages to somehow be even worse in that regard. His dialogue is made infinitely funnier if you read way too deeply into it and re-interpret his efforts to subjugate all of Kaurava once again into the equivalent of ruining the local teenagers' block party so he and his retirement community can go back to bed. The truth, however, is far more horrifying; whereas many other Necrons are genocidal bastards or [[Tomb Kings]] in [[Warhammer 40,000|space]], the Necron Lord of All Kaurava is a religious adherent to the [[Deceiver]], and carries on a millenia-old grudge with the [[Eldar]] when he discovers the assholes [[Grandpa Dreadnought|on his front lawn]]. If successful, he takes over all of Kaurava as he had ages ago, ruling it as a conquering superpower once more, albeit a slow one.

One would be wise not to mistake his taciturn nature for incompetence, however: The Necron Lord of All Kaurava is ''bad news''. He wants nothing less than complete dominion of Kaurava's worlds and has every intent of killing everyone in his way to make it happen. Sadly, his tomb complex, canonically, is raided by the [[Orks]] under the command of [[Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]], who succeeded at blowing up his [[Apocalypse]] [[Monolith]] formation and blowing up the power grid that kept his forces active, essentially taking him and his forces out of the fight. At some point they may rise again, but it will be ages before the tomb's maintenance scarabs can ever muster a threat, leading Kaurava IV to be used as a roight good source of fun for Gorgutz and his boys, who would probably pick a fight with the Resurgent tomb complex for either the hell of it, or to loot their shiny bits.

==Statistics==
Like all Necron Lords in ''Dawn of War'', the Necron Lord of All Kaurava is obscenely powerful. In addition to all the usual benefits the Necron Lord gets through gameplay (artifacts, C'tan, etc), he gets a wide variety of wargear that makes him insanely strong. Compared to the [[Kronus]] Necron Lord, the Necron Lord of All Kaurava has slightly lower health, lower max morale, lower resistance to ranged fire, and lower speed, but makes up for it in other areas: He casts his powers much faster than the Kronus Lord, does much more morale damage, and boasts a secondary attack from the Gaze of Flame, which makes him do bonus anti-infantry damage and makes him extremely good at breaking morale (yeah, I'm scared too). His Death Grip artifact also actually ''works'', unlike the Kronus Necron Lord's. Whereas the Kronus Lord was the kind you'd throw at the enemy and count on him surviving it all, the Necron Lord of All Kaurava is a crazy space robot zombie wizard with extremely solid damage output overall.

Ironically, despite his high damage and durability, he's grossly outclassed by other heroes in other areas. He can't hold a candle to Gorgutz' balls-out toughness, and has real trouble fighting [[Commander Or'es'Ka]]. [[Archon Tahril]] is another major hero he has trouble with, because Tahril can easily lock him down and isolate him while poisoning his ass to death. Thankfully, Essence of the Nightbringer remains a perfect equalizer and gives him a chance against damned near [[Living Saint|anything]].

{{Necrons-Characters}}

Caerys

2017-04-29T15:46:43Z

2602:306:C544:B790:79E7:C156:DC1F:A3E9:

{{Promotions}}
:''"They shall come, expecting the obvious, the simple, the artless. They shall stab at the shadows with confused minds and troubled hearts. Meanwhile, we shall appear unseen from '''ten''' directions, and from every one strike a fatal blow."''
:-Caerys in ''[[Dawn of War]]: [[Dawn of War#Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]''.

[[Image:Caerys.jpg|Farseer Caerys|thumb|right|250px]]
[[Image:Caerys puts on a few by IronShrineMaiden.jpg|She isn't enough of a bitch to get away with this|thumb|250px|right]]

Farseer Caerys AKA Farseer Careless, is an [[Eldar]] [[Farseer]] from ''[[Dawn of War]]: Soulstorm'' who belongs to [[Craftworld Ulthwé]]. She is usually depicted with black hair tied into a ponytail, and she's sometimes thought of as a lesbian, and also a vague female version of [[Eldrad]] (she inherited his pistol). Some say she has a bizarre attraction to [[Taldeer]], and was consequently infuriated when she supposedly lost her to a certain [[LIIVI|Mon'keigh]], and took her frustration out on the [[Sisters of Battle]]'s [[Canoness]] Selena Agna during the Kaurava campaign. She eventually released Selena, but only after the both of them did both lewd and heretical acts which is detailed [[The_wet_dream_of_selena_agna|here]]-(NSFW).

She's supposedly with [[Macha]] now, as she's the only one left that desperate to be with her.

With her not returning in Dawn of War 3, Macha's reappearance, and [[Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]] evident victory, we can either assume that she ran away like a bitch, or her head now rests on Gorgutz boss pole, along with the likes of [[Indrick Boreale]],[[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] and [[Commander Or'es'Ka]].
==Soulstorm==
After somehow foreseeing the [[Necron]] awakening on Kaurava III, Caerys decides to go and fuck them up. Thanks to some conveniently placed [[Webway|Webway]] Gates, Caerys, along with some Ulthwé Eldar, decide to create a super-sneaky stealth base (completely invisible) at an equally super-sneaky location. Being the slow mindless bastards that they are, the Necrons have no fucking idea that the Eldar are even there (probably because most of them are [[Indrick Boreale|incapable]] of forming ideas).

If Caerys succeeds in conquering the [[Kaurava System]] (non-[[Canon|canon]]), then the Ulthwé Eldar under her command will "scour" the planets for any remaining survivors. Eventually, they discover that some [[Imperial Guard|human fodder]] had actually survived the crazy fuck-fest that was Soulstorm. Being the complete pussies that they are, the Eldar simply run away, and leave the Imperials to recolonize the system. Later, when the Imperials attempt to recolonize Kaurava III, they are subsequently sabotaged by the Eldar who were hiding there (sneaky bastards!). After several failed colonization attempts, the new governor general (who happens to look exactly like [[Colonel Carus Brom]], but is actually someone else), decides to abandon the worthless piece of shit.

If the Ulthwé Eldar fail to conquer the Kaurava System (kind of semi-canon), then Caerys will pussy out, and retreats back to [[Craftworld Ulthwé]]
through an active Webway Gate, therefore leaving the remaining Eldar to deal with her mess, lazy bitch.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Caerys1.png|Caerys during the Eldar victory ending for Soulstorm.
File:Caerys2.png|That's Caerys on the left..no the right..wait no...left!
File:Caerys3.png|Caerys watching the rest of the Ulthwé Eldar getting rekt on Kaurava III.
</gallery>

{{Eldar-Characters}}

[[Category:Dawn of War]]

Dawn of War

2017-04-29T15:37:09Z

2602:306:C544:B790:79E7:C156:DC1F:A3E9: /* Soulstorm */

[[Image:Warhammer_40,000_Dawn_of_War.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Screenshot from ''Dawn of War: Winter Assault''.]]
{{/vg/}}
'''''Dawn of War''''' is a Real Time Strategy game for the PC set in the ''[[Warhammer 40k]]'' universe, produced by Relic Entertainment and released in 2004. It currently has 3 expansions which do not require the base game to play. The most recent expansion, ''Soulstorm'', contains almost every playable army in the Warhammer 40k setting in some form, with the notable exception of the [[Chaos Daemons]], [[Ordo Malleus]] and the [[Tyranid]]s (the latter only being playable with the fan-made 'Ultimate Apocalypse' mod). Many popular stories and memes on /tg/, such as ''[[Love Can Bloom]]'', have their origins in ''Dawn of War''. "Author" [[C.S.Goto]] has written books about it (apparently). However, you wouldn't know it by actually reading the books.

The best part of the series is widely held to be the narration, featuring lines delivered with gratuitous emphasis and pauses at seemingly-random intervals. This sounds very [[grimdark|grim and dark]], and is not at all ridiculous. As such, it has created countless [[METAL BOXES|memes]] commonly used by [[/tg/]].

The game IS well known for its implementation of a combined morale, squads and alternate resource system, the potential of which was skullfucked by some of the most hilarious attempts at balance seen in the modern era. Seriously, you could throw a horse on a see-saw and it would do a better job. The visceral hand-to-hand combat and 'sync kills' were also praised, since watching your little dudes chainsword that [[Necrons|other guy's little dudes is always entertaining, at least until all those other little dudes got back up again and raped you to death. FUCKING NECRONS]].

The game was highly successful, though it was a cock-grinder when it came to online play. Fuck Gamespy. Please note that as much as the /v/idiot-inclined neckbeards love to criticize it, ''Dawn of War'' was considered an amazing game when it first came out, and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_-AeNUa9gA people would not stop screaming about it.]

Well-known characters from the games include:
*Brother-Captain [[Gabriel Angelos]]
*Brother-Captain [[Davian Thule]]
*Brother-Captain [[Indrick Boreale]]
*Farseer [[Macha]]
*Farseer [[Taldeer]]
*Farseer [[Caerys]]
*The [[Harlequin]]
*General [[Sturnn]]
*General [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]]
*[[Shas'o Kais]]
*[[Commander Or'es'Ka]]
*The [[Necron]] Lords of Kronus & [[Necron Lord of All Kaurava|Kaurava]]
*Thomas Macabee
*[[Lord Bale]]
*Chaos Lord [[Crull]]
*[[Sindri Myr]]
*Chaos Lord [[Firaeveus Carron]]
*Dark Apostle [[Eliphas]] the Inheritor
*The [[Vindicare Assassin]]
*[[Orkamungus]]
*[[Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
*Inquisitor [[Mordecai Toth]]
*[[Colonel Carus Brom]]
*[[Brother-Sergeant Matiel]]

==Games==
===Dawn of War===
[[Image:Dawn1.jpg|thumb|right|''Dawn of War'']]
The original ''Dawn of War'' release featured the [[Blood Ravens]] chapter of the [[Space Marines]], led by Brother-Captain [[Gabriel Angelos]], as they battle against an [[Ork]] [[WAAAGH]] on the planet of Tartarus. It is not long before the [[Eldar]] (led by Farseer [[Macha]]) and the [[Alpha Legion]] of the [[Chaos Space Marines]] (led by [[Lord Bale]] and the Chaos Sorcerer [[Sindri Myr|SINDRIIIII]]) show up, and as it turns out there's a [[Daemon]] imprisoned within an artifact (called the Maledictum) on the planet. This Daemon wants to use the bloodshed of the battle as a sacrifice so he may escape his prison. [[Troll|Spoilers, by the way.]]

Lord Bale is quite the irritable fellow and has little patience for Sindri's complex plans, frequently growling "SINDRIIII" at him in frustration. There is also a [[Mordecai Toth|black Inquisitor]] (who isn't a stereotype, honest) , who is unsurprisingly incompetent. Although there is some evidence to claim that he was the Daemon of the Maledictum all along.
<s>I'd like to see that evidence, then. Well, aside from the fact that he's useless.</s> The novelization claims this was the case, but on the other hand, it was written by [[C.S. Goto]]. The idea that the Inquisitor is ''not'' somehow a Chaos traitor comes into play in the Space Marine ending of Dark Crusade, where he appears (and presumably takes a bit of heat off the Blood Ravens since he's buddies with them).

===Winter Assault===
[[Image:Winter.jpg|thumb|right|''Dawn of War: Winter Assault'']]
The ''Winter Assault'' expansion added the [[Imperial Guard]] as a playable army, and features two alternate campaigns that take place on the planet of Lorn V. It introduced Farseer [[Taldeer]], General Sturnn, Ork Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter, and the Chaos Lord [[Crull]]. Though the branching campaigns mean it is possible to achieve multiple endings, based on later games in the series, the canonical ending is probably that achieved by the <s>Imperial Guard</s> Eldar in the Order campaign.
Infamous for featuring a Khornate warband that used Sorcerers and Horrors, and having a Warlord who was not even that angry. Khorne was very angry and beat Tzeentch up until he orchestrated the defeat of this Warband.

But seriously, Crull was still pretty awesome. All Khornate guys are. Only he was considerably less awesome than, say... Arbaal the Undefeated. (Is he still alive?)

Also known for Guardsmen that are equipped with lasguns that can punch through anything. Even tanks.

===Dark Crusade===
[[Image:Dark.jpg|thumb|right|''Dawn of War: Dark Crusade'']]
''Dark Crusade'' saw the addition of the [[Necrons]] and the [[Tau]] (led by [[Shas'o Kais]]), and was the first game in the series to drop the mission-based format of the previous singleplayer campaigns, instead adopting a [[Risk]]-esque strategic map where players were required to use their army to conquer the entire planet of Kronus and defeat all the other races present. Using the army to attack enemy-occupied territory resulted in playing a skirmish game against the AI, with the victor gaining (or retaining) the dispute territory.

''[[Love Can Bloom]]'' originated from this.

Introduced the world to the Dark Apostle Eliphas the Inheritor, famed for his snappy comebacks and fantastic putdowns which set him at an intellectual level above your average Chaos Lord.

===Soulstorm===
[[Image:Soulstorm.jpg|thumb|right|''Dawn of War: Soulstorm'']]
''Soulstorm'' added the [[Dark Eldar]] and [[Sisters of Battle]] as playable races, alongside flying units. Similar to ''Dark Crusade'', the campaign takes place as a battle to control territories on the strategic map, but the fight now takes place over several planets in the [[Kaurava System]], instead of a single planet as in the previous expansion.

Continuing a long history by now, it has some hilarious dialogue, now even more so due to the tiny pool of voice actors -- to make characters sharing voice actors distinct they resorted to really dumb accents. [[Meme]]s extracted from ''Soulstorm'' include: [[Indrick Boreale|Baldeale]], [[METAL BOXES]], [[SPESS MEHREENS]] and more. The game is sometimes referred to as "Baldstorm", in reference to [[Indrick Boreale]]. The game also brought us [[Cornholio the Cultist]], among a dozen or so other lesser memes.

The single-player of Soulstorm also did away with the "building up" of the map (placing all of your high-end structures and capturing most of the nodes on the map so you could create massive, unstoppable forces instantly when you had to defend) that you could do in Dark Crusade, which was double-edged. The AI actually stood a chance against you, which made the battles slightly more interesting, but you also couldn't just upgrade a monolith instantly and steamroll the AI's attacking force, which meant you had to deal with 6+ regions getting attacked EVERY SINGLE ROUND of the overworld play when you started conquering more territories. And the auto-resolve system didn't give you the best of odds. So, instead of being able to actually conceivably finish the campaign in a day or two, you would probably instead end up spending about 30-40 hours on just defending your same stupid territories in the end. Then you'll probably spend another 10 hours actually taking over territories and beating all the strongholds. Combine that with the open memory leak, and you might have to play for a week straight to actually win. What fun.

In Dawn of War 3, it is confirmed that Gorgutz was the victor of the Kaurava system, and was the one who wipe Boreal and his bald ass off the face of the planet.

''''ORKZ ARE DA MEANEST AND DA GREENEST! WAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!'''

[[File:ORKZ ARE DA BEST.png]]

==Miscellaneous==
[[Image:Chaoslordz.jpg|300px|thumb|left|This is pretty much what the [[Chaos Lords]] are in the game.]]

===The future===
Reports of someone being shot in the head with a laser-pistol.
*[[Dawn of War III]]

==Timeline for Self-Destruction==
Dawn of War was a brilliant game at launch - and one that saw the game suffer worse and worse as time went on. To chronicle this disaster so that none may forget, the entire tale of Dawn of War's fall from grace is listed here.

===Dawn of War===
Dawn of War was blessed - and cursed - to have a gameplay style not quite like anything else when it launched. The combination of hard counters and the ability to customize armies was hailed as a brilliant move, and though the balance was far from perfect (due to every race but one mostly comprising heavy infantry and thus being especially vulnerable to the [[Eldar]] race's use of said hard counters), a good time was had by all. There was a lot to love from every faction and there was considerable love towards fluff and crunch even with the errant bit of flaming stupid (Sindri invoking the blood god). Whilst the multiplayer balance wasn't quite great, it was for the most part a fair fight and there were ways to get the most out of each unit in the game, and literally everything was viable to some degree or another.

===Winter Assault===
When ''Winter Assault'' was announced, players were psyched. An army heavily centering around light infantry (the Imperial Guard) was announced, with new units for each existing side. Some of the new units were things that were extremely demanded ([[Chaplain]]s for [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHREENS]], Fire Dragons for [[Eldar]], Mega Armor Nobz for [[Ork]]s), but Chaos players were a bit perplexed by the new unit that was brought to the table for Chaos: [[Khorne]] Berserkers. The unit never seemed to fit in with Chaos tactical doctrine, especially considering that there were no less than 3 other melee units available for Chaos. But no one complained since Chaos is never complete without regular shouts of BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! Nonetheless, players eagerly awaited ''Winter Assault''.

...And then it hit. And there was [[RAGE]]. Out the gate, the Imperial Guard had poorly-coded weapons that caused them to be able to melee any unit to death, along with the guardsman's lasgun turning into a portable lascannon, effectively, a single squad of guardsmen in cover could pose a serious threat against heavy armor, like the SM Predators. Even after that, the Guard had serious problems with efficiency, as the entire faction from tier 1 to 3 was centered around attaching a [[Commissar]] and hammering Execute like an ass. This was nothing, however, compared to the filthy rape the rest of the game had suffered.

For reasons uncertain, the hard counter system had been ripped out of the original Dawn of War, and units now saw complete obsolescence - Dark Reapers were now a 100% improvement over Guardians and Kasrkin completely outstripped Guardsmen (understandable in fluff but in an RTS, not so much). Acts of stupendous idiocy hit regarding the upgrades for various units; the Space Marine commander would switch from his Daemonhammer to a Power Sword with his upgrade, losing his Veteran/Hero damage upgrades in the process.

The worst hits of all, however, were for Chaos - All special weapons for their Marine squads and all the special weapon upgrades (H. Bolters, flamers, plasma guns, and missile launchers) for their marines were wholesale stripped out in an attempt to streamline the tech trees and "differentiate the factions," ignoring the fact that people were playing Chaos because they were the Evil Marines. They too, had the same unit obsolescence issue; Raptors were totally outdone by Berserkers which were, in turn, totally outdone by Possessed. This was fixed slightly in patches and updates; Dark Crusade had succeeded in making the three a little more different due to the addition of Mark of Khorne (which panicked units) for Berserkers, fixing how Speed Demons and Purge the Weak worked for Raptor Champions, and generally making Possessed a little more streamlined - but these were all upgrades that would not hit until the tail-end of the WA patch cycle (for Raptors) or after Dark Crusade's patch (for everything else) - the latter of which would be over a year away.

In short: Winter Assault had not only fucked up a lot, but it actually removed more content for the existing races than it initially added.

Further attempts to "fix" the problems introduced by Winter Assault caused even worse fuck-ups, as Horrors became anti-vehicle (wut) and Terminators and Obliterators lost their ability to melee remotely effectively because the primary developer, [[Troll|Johnny Ebbert]] claimed that the combination of high ranged/melee damage and high HP (on a unit that was insanely slow and a last Tier unit, not to mention the need for a relic to at all build it) was overpowered, ignoring the findings of every single balance team working for Relic at the time. Later the spammability was fixed with hard-caps on Terminators and Obliterators, but them being piss-poor in melee remained in the face of every single argument regarding fluff/crunch (Terminators being armed with Powerfists, Obliterators having them ''grafted to their bodies'') and finding of the balance teams.

Things continued to escalate as the bulk of the game became a tech-race to see who could get to Tier 4 the fastest and spam top-of-the-tech-tree units the hardest. This was also where a pattern began in which developers would show open favoritism to the Eldar, allegedly because most of the Staff's internal team were die-hard Eldar players. Fire Prisms became the most durable tank in the game, and the Avatar of Khaine gained the ability to allow the Eldar to field more vehicles and infantry than any other army period, adding a massive +10 to both pop and vehicle pop caps. On one of the toughest melee combat units in the game. Which most Eldar Players used by building then never moving him from their base so as to make use of that delightful +10 pop cap to infantry/vehicles whilst their Ultimate unit just sat on the couch of Khaine. It was one of the most-complained about facets of the game, and like most of the other items on this list, would never be addressed. The above would eventually become infamous as the place where the entire metagame went wrong, and was a path that the game would never fully recover from, despite noble attempts during both Dark Crusade and Soulstorm.

===Dark Crusade===
Dark Crusade had problems at launch, not the least of which was that it was a very bold attempt. Two new races were added and the game was still suffering the aftermath of what had been caused by Winter Assault. There was a lot of earnest attempts to fix the previous expansion's problems; hard caps were added to elite-level units, special weapons had slowly begun to filter back into the Chaos Space Marines (though no missile launchers or flamers ever returned and Horrors remained anti-vehicle), and the huge number of blatantly stupid problems with the Space Marines were fixed.

Unfortunately, the game remained riddled with problems. Cue another outburst of RAGE.

First of all, Dark Crusade saw the implementation of what was, without a doubt, one of the worst "fixes" to a problem in gaming history. Having decided that combat was "too lethal" and that shooty units shouldn't be able to chase down and kill fleeing units, Relic introduced a flat change to the fire-on-the-move accuracy of every single unit: 15%. In one stroke, this "Fix" caused dozens of problems. No longer did the likes of Dreadnoughts ever see a weapon upgrade (because doing so would give it a functionally-useless weapon that would never hit as it moved towards close-combat and hindered its melee power to boot), and the weapon immediately made rapid-firing weapons dozens of times better than those that fired slowly, since it was much more likely that they could hit with a few shots than their counterparts. Vehicles and personnel intended to fire on the move (such as Terminators) became functionally useless, whilst the Eldar Fleet of Foot ability became tantamount to godmode (initially it reduced accuracy when activated, but now with the flat 15% fire accuracy, there was no reason ''not'' to use it when moving units.

The two new races were broken in half at launch, as well. Necrons required no resources and there existed multiple replays of players winning maps without ever capturing a single strategic point. It was possible for Necrons to go over the pop limit with Resurrection Orb, and the Lightning Field had no actual charge cap, meaning that it could potentially charge forever before discharging a burst of energy that could level a building in one shot. The Tau outranged everything, had no limit on Krootoxes, and had their tech tree lopsided so that one of their two available paths got both available upgrades (something that was never fixed in the patch). The Eldar Harlequin could fire a 10000+damage attack that would kill one unit in a squad, but due to how it was coded, could target and instagib a commander unit that was attached to said squad.

Further RAGE occurred when it became known that the "new" Imperial Guard unit, the Heavy Weapons Team, was revealed to have been in Winter Assault and had not seen use simply because it could not actively target enemies - which it still could not at Dark Crusade's launch. Yet more rage occurred when every single time anyone with anything remotely resembling common sense brought up flamingly stupid mechanics (such as [[Psyker]]s killing themselves (which ''could be cancelled'', no less) and Psykers breaking their attached squad when using Lightning Arc) were summarily dismissed despite pointing out the obvious (that this was fucking [[DERP|stupid]]).

A patch was promised in short order, but it would be well over 7 months before Relic would eventually patch the game and leave a lot unfixed in the process. Numerous facets that Relic's internal balance team disliked about several other factions (such as the fact that Basilisks were artillery units) caused them to get nerfed, whilst factions that said balance team liked (Eldar) remained untouched despite thousands of complaints about the race being blatantly overpowered. Even after their nerfs, the Necrons and Tau remained hilariously unbalanced. A second patch was promised, but was quietly cancelled and the official site then proceeded to state that a second patch had never been announced.

===Soulstorm===
Hopes were high for Soulstorm. Whilst it was obviously going to have difficulties from the first two games, it was being produced by Iron Lore, which took community input extremely seriously and added a number of new features intended to make the game the most balanced it had been since Vanilla. And in many ways, they succeeded. Balance was considerably improved (the problem with Tau tech remained), A number of problems were fixed, and serious consideration was made to ensure that the two new races - the Dark Eldar and Sisters of Battle - would not fall into the trap of the old. This would be Iron Lore's last produced game, and they wanted it to be a hit.

Unfortunately, Relic and THQ had other plans. The developers were forced by THQ to put in Flying units - something the Dawn of War engine was ''never designed for'', cutting out a lot of units that had been heavily-demanded by fans (Wraithguard, Leman Russ Demolisher, Chaos Dreadnought, Techmarines, Wyrdboyz, etc) in favor of the aforementioned flyers. Said flyers were notoriously buggy, absurdly unbalanced (The Tau Barracuda for example, were capable of leveling a base on their own) or fulfilled a completely unnecessary purpose (Marauder Bomber for Guard when everyone and their grandfather wanted Valkyries, which would have been actually useful considering that bombers were of no purpose when one factored in [[Basilisk]]s). The budget was slashed repeatedly and the amount of time Iron Lore had was stripped bare, forcing the developers to create a cut-rate campaign that felt like a total rehash. And of course we should not forget the voice actors and scripting that were either so terrible or "good" that they produced 3 famous memes within the WH40K fanbase: "[[Space Marines|Spehss Mahreens]]" and "[[Emprah]]" as said by [[Indrick Boreale|Indrick Baldeale]] and [[METAL BOXES|METHUL BAWKSES]] as said by [[Firaeveus Carron|the Champion of the BAWKS GAWD]], all of whom were voiced by [[Scott McNeil|Scott Fucking McNeil]] (who also brought us [[Cornholio the Cultist]], bringing the total number of [[meme]]s brought about by this game to at least six). And then, just to add insult to injury, Relic released the game with an earlier beta version of the program which had numerous bugs and balance problems, including a refresh bug for the Dark Eldar Dais Dark Scythe ability, which would cause it to deal thousands of damage and vaporize entire armies.

Still, even on release, the game was very well-received - and then, it happened. 19 hours after the game's initial launch, an infinite resource exploit was uncovered for the Sisters of Battle. By queuing up an upgrade for their listening post and then cancelling it, it was possible to get double the normal resource amount - ergo allowing you to do it rapid-fire for colossal amount of resources very, very quickly along with having infinite faith resource by simply auto-casting a faith ability so in-theory, a simple Celestian squad with a missionary attached could very well turn their durability like those of an Assault Terminator Squad with a Chaplain attached. After initially dismissing this as [[Wat|"not a real bug"]] and prattling on that players "should be happy with what they've got," a "hotfix" was promised within "one, maybe two weeks."

That one to two weeks turned into a nearly 9-month wait, whilst the game suffered horrendously. The "merit" system which was designed to award players with little collections of in-game multiplayer achievements was completely non-functional not only during this time, but after it. The lobby at launch read: "This is stand-in-news. Replace this with real news," and kept this for 6 our of the 8.65 months it took for the patch to hit. During this time, Automatch was broken and the use of a trainer (The Company of Heroes CheatMod, if anyone cares) allowing players to switch races on the fly and delete enemy buildings ran rampant, destroying anything that remotely remained of the game's competitive multiplayer environment. Smaller bugs and problems kept popping up during the wait: using dance of death would set Eldar players' resources to Zero. Charming an Ethereal with a Deceiver would give the Necron Army billions of hit points per unit. Observers could activate a Dark Eldar player's Soul Powers.

After 8.65 months, there was nothing left. The game was deader than a [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] at [[Matt Ward]]'s place. But again, after 8 months of waiting and leaving the game to die, a small shard of hope appeared: the hotfix finally DID arrive which addressed most of the early problems present in the game, including the ability to use trainers in a multiplayer game and most of the SoB/DE bugs, which made the game relatively playable. However, much like how Zelda to the Nintendo Gamecube, it came too late and Soulstorm basically died out as many players just gave up on the game.

Relic had blamed everything from Steam to Gamespy to the black hole at the center of the galaxy for the delays, but everyone and their grandmother knew the full truth: they didn't give a shit because they were working on [[Dawn of War II]]. After the patch, the game remained broken with a lot left to fix (the Eldar remained blatantly overpowered and there were dozens of smaller problems plaguing each faction - all of which were easily fixed), but Relic was done with it and Dawn of War 2 was here. So if by some Emperor only knows reason you still want to play this game, you better just [[Dawn of War Mods|mod it out]].

To this day, mentioning Dawn of War to certain users of /tg/ will result in a rant that makes this article seem like a U MAD? in comparison.

You have been [[Exterminatus|warned]].

==Resurrection==
With THQ going under, and Sega scooping up the license, there were questions whether or not we'd ever see another Dawn of War game. What no one expected was that not only is Relic still alive and kicking, not only are they still working on Dawn of War, but they're actually working on switching the games to Steamworks, and, shockingly, ''resuming patch support.''

You can read all about it [http://steamcommunity.com/games/DawnofWarDarkCrusade/announcements/detail/1658761639946053463 here]. If you're a DOW fan, this is the equivalent of the Emperor's return in terms of huge-ness. <s> Only time will tell if this turns out to be something absolutely amazing or if it's just so much brave words, but for the moment, /tg/ is hopeful. </s> The update came, and it was not amazing. LAN has been completely removed, Eldar are still broken, and modding remained relatively untouched.

==[[Dawn of War III]]==
IT COMES: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN8geCTlZOo
'''MAY THE GOD EMPEROR BE PRAISED'''

So far confirmed are three factions: Eldar, Orks, Space Marines. The cover system returned to its original incarnations with craters being visually replaced by circular chest-high wall structures. Also new are the presence of non-Baneblade Superheavies: [[Imperial Knight]]s and [[Wraithknight]]s, to be precise (though the Steam Store page says the Orks will be getting Gorkanaughts), though how they will be acquired is yet to be known. PCGamer suggests that the competitive multiplayer will involve pre-match "Dota 2-inspired back and forth selection" of these elite unit call-ins.

The game's steam store pages lists the name of the Eldar Seer in the campaign as '[http://store.steampowered.com/app/285190/ Macha]'. Angelos will make a return as the Space Marine's main character in the campaign. Gorgutz is also confirmed to make a return. Make what you will of [[The Final Saga of Macha the Ever-Virgin: Extra Large Heresy|that]]. The store page describes two game environments: the bleak surface of Acheron and 'in space on battle cruisers'.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdxiACB6AWQ gameplay teaser trailer thing] is out! Features such gems as [[Wat|gymnast terminator Angelos]] and [[Rage|a Knight with piss hoses cleverly disguised as Avenger Bolt Cannons]] (srsly, those should be pulping anything up to and including dreadnoughts that so much as look at the Knight funny).

[[Tyranid|MAYBE...]] JUST [[Skitarii|MAYBE...]] <---Pray to the God [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprah]] as hard as you fucking can for this to be real!

==The Alternative==
For those who want an infinitely better Dawn of War experience, there's options. Mods exist that do everything from add new factions to change how the game is played - and almost all of them drip with quality and sexiness. From mods that re-invoke the feelings of Vanilla DOW, to mods that add things like the Armageddon Steel Legion and Tyranids, to the absolutely Epic Firestorm over Kronus, Purgation of Kaurava, and Ultimate Apocalypse, there's a huge number of mods available, and it's highly recommended you [[Dawn of War Mods|check 'em out]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:DawnofWarMainMenu1.png|The main menu for the original ''Dawn of War''.
</gallery>

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category: Dawn of War]]

Vance Motherfucking Stubbs

2017-04-29T15:32:25Z

2602:306:C544:B790:79E7:C156:DC1F:A3E9:

[[Image:StubbsDW.jpg|400px|thumb|right|The motherfucker himself.]]
:''"I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep. I am afraid of an army of sheeps led by a Lion."''
:-Alexander the Great.

He's Vance. Motherfucking. Stubbs. An [[Imperial Guard]] general and total badass from [[Dawn_of_War#Soulstorm|Dawn of War: Soulstorm]] and the only character introduced in the expansion anyone likes, despite having arguably the worst voice actor (his performance is just bad, and not with enough ENGRISH or ham to be unintentionally funny like Boreale or Carron). He's the most badass Governor General....ever....well maybe at tie with [[General Sturnn]] who's equally awesome, but wasn't a governor.

==About the Motherfucker==
Vance Motherfucking Stubbs leads the 252nd Kaurava Conservator Regiment for the Imperial Guard in the game. He is armed (apparently like every other Command Squad leader in the Galaxy) with a set of Power Claws and a bolter strapped to his arm. He may also, in fact, have a Thunder Hammer for a penis, but his harem of lovers were all too exhausted to comment on the matter.

The entire Imperial Guard campaign featuring him is sheer [[AWESOME]]. When the player chooses to play as the Imperial Guard in Soulstorm, then it is written in the army selection menu that Stubbs recently transferred before the Kaurava Hijinks that resulted in nearly every single force to appear in the [[Kaurava System]]. The Guard, like any player controlled army, starts with one region (in the Guard's case is the Dussala Precinct). Mind you, compared to the other forces that come to the system, the 252nd Conservator Regiment is at that time underpowered, with low morale and simply sucks. Stubbs therefore whips them with sheer manliness (and a series of reforms) turning the 252nd back into a fighting force that shouldn't be trifled with and proceeds to <s>re-conquer the system one region at a time</s> Lose to '''DA ORKZ'''. With the release of DoW3, it has been confirmed that the Orkz under Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter were the canonical victor. Yes, we're not quite sure what happened either.

[[File:ORKZ ARE DA BEST.png|300px|thumb|right|Despite Stubb's best efforts, Orkz snatched the victory. Why? 'CAUSE ORKZ ARE DA BEST]]

[[Image:Stubbs.jpg|300px|thumb|right|He remains cool, regardless of situation]]
If the Guard is victorious in the conflict, then the system is revitalized as Stubbs commissions multiple projects that rebuilds the worlds and improves their industrial capabilities. Additionally the planets become militarized due to the large number of newly constructed military academies that produce superior regiments that are second only to the Kasrkins trained at [[Cadia|Cadia's]] Kasrs (a impressive feat considering that Kasrkins are elite even by Tempestus Scions/Storm Trooper standards).

The Emperor protects indeed.

Worth mentioning is the attack on the [[Ecclesiarchy]] controlled Sama District. Stubbs knew well that it didn't matter how much he and his men would make amends, the Regiment would never be free from being suspected by the Sisters, as the Warpstorm over Kaurava IV happened on Vance's watch. Not to mention that even if they did repent, the Sisters of Battle of the Order of The Sacred Rose would make them do so with excessive amounts of flamers and purging. Vance had no other option in this case. Stubbs refused any of these accusations and thought himself and his men not responsible for the whole mess, thus he did something that was crazy enough to work...mainly to march into the Sama District in full-force and simply conquer the place. And if the Guardsmen are victorious, then Vance will utter a speech that the Emperor was with the Conservators this day.

==The whole losing 100 Baneblades thing==
When facing the Imperial Guard at their stronghold in Dawn of War: Soulstorm, Stubbs' Commissar informs him that all 100 of the [[Baneblade|Baneblades]] that would have been available to defend had just been sent off to help the Imperial Guard elsewhere in the Kaurava system, and any more Baneblades that are needed will have to be constructed via a series of pieces sent out by supply Rhinos. This absurdity of simply "losing" 100 Baneblades has spawned a number of jokes amongst players, mostly associating him with being "Tactically incompetent" as opposed to [[Creed]]'s "Tactical Genius". (Speaking of tactical genius it may be worth mentioning that shortly after this incident Abaddon was run over by a column of Baneblades he found stuffed in his mailbox) Also it can be disregarded as Chaos Propaganda started by <s>[[Alpha Legion|Alpha Legion Chaos Marines]]</s> {{BLAM|*BLAM!!!*}} [[Chaos Space Marines|CHAOS SPACE MARINES]] THAT DO NOT EXIST!!

However, there has been rumors that the Baneblades never left, but they were hidden by [[Creed]], or perhaps taken by the [[Blood Ravens |Blood Magpies]] ( [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNK5-uE5JFg| IT IS THE BAAAAAAANNNNEEBLAAAAAAADEEE] ). Adding on top of this, Baneblades are supposed to be rare (with three per regiment being the average), made only at major Forge Worlds. Fortunately for the Imperium, the in-game background for Stubbs's Baneblades is that the invasions and mass destruction miraculously uncovered the rather terrifying (for the enemy) fact that at least half of the entire supercontinent city of Kaurava I is in fact built on top of a continent-sized manufactorum, probably from the Great Crusade, devoted to the mass-production of Baneblades.

This enabled Stubbs to roll out more Baneblades in a month than Forge Worlds (individually, of course) produce in a century. Best of all, the fact you can build more manufactorums in-game suggests that the Mechanicus could probably mass-produce the ''factories'', too. With the pacified Tomb World nearby to draw in the Mechanicus plus the carrot Stubbs now has with the Baneblades and whatever other STC data uncovered (maybe Fellblades and other awesome stuff?), along with Stubbs's clear care for the little people, it is likely he could convince/trade for the Tomb World being studied and Forgeworld-ified by various important Forge Worlds, giving him access to their unique data (such as Executioners and Vanquisher cannons). Sure, the individual Forge Worlds never share anything, but then, none of them have had the technological buffet on a scale Vance does to bargain with. That, and he doesn't seem the sort to give a crap about keeping tech to himself. Then he can happily send copies to every Forge World if he can pay captains to visit. Then the Imperium wins by default. Regardless, Vance Motherfucking Stubbs is seen as one of the most awesome Imperial Guard generals because of his calm, stern voice, even when his army is on the brink of defeat.

<s>Relic never bothered to announce who actually canonically won the Kaurava conflict</s> Scratch that; Orkz were the victors, see above. - only that it sure as the [[Warp]] wasn't the Space Marines. Hence, many players simply accepted the fact that Stubbs won the war because of his utter badassery that no other character was able to posses. And also the rumors that he found the 100 Baneblades again and used his variation [[Creed|taktikul jinyas]] to deep strike said Baneblades into the main bases of armies. We would have said [[Indrick Boreale]] was the canon winner of the Kaurava conflict - if only he didn't screw it up by canonically losing horribly. If Relic ever ''were'' to announce the canon winner and it wasn't Stubbs, there would be [[RAGE]]. God help us all if it ever emerges that the [[Eldar]] were the triumphant ones in the conflict, since most are certain that [[/tg/]] would burn down one of THQ's office buildings in retaliation and if the Orks win, only [[Tzeentch]] knows what would happen. Luckily some of the wargear in Retribution implies that the Imperium held on to the sector, and given that [[Cyrus]] survived and the IG ending is the only one where the Blood Raven survivors don't get horribly buttfucked, it's safe to assume Stubbs cockslapped the eight other armies into submission.

==Badass Facts==[[File:Relic00014.jpg|450px|thumbnail|right|What really happened to Carron that day.]]
What is truly stunning about Vance Motherfucking Stubbs is the intense humanity he exhibits; whilst almost every commander in Soulstorm was poorly developed or simply [[Firaeveus Carron|pants-on-head retarded]], Stubbs was [[Fist of the North Star|comparatively sympathetic]] - determined to win back his regiment's good name in the eyes of the Emperor and who strove to make sure the sacrifices of his men weren't for nothing, and was determined to restore honor to his unit, heedless of what heretical scum would stand in their way. He shows manly [[Rage|rage]] at the tortures the [[Dark Eldar]] subjected captured soldiers to, and unlike Aleksander, who panicked in [[Dawn of War|Dark Crusade]] when Eliphas sent him telepathic messages, Stubbs gritted his teeth and shrugged it off, spurring his men onwards towards their objective in an effort to shove a formation of [[METAL BOXES]] up Carron's ass.

Few men approach the manliness level of Vance Motherfucking Stubbs. The only ones that do are all [[Imperial Guard|Imperial]]. It says a lot.

Stubbs also has a fucking awesome name. Few, if any, in the 41st Millennium can approach that level of awesomeness, even <s>"Holt"</s>. <s>{{BLAM}}</s> {{BLAM|*SLAP*}} '''COMMISSAR''' Holt!

Vance is also as badass, to inspire a single guardsman to noscope one shot a living saint in SS (see the video for lulz that'd make the Avatar of Khaine that the ultrasmurfs killed go 'Ha... like a bitch'). Further lulz includes the Chaos Stronghold Defeat where we see Vance's four (Literally!) Imperial Guardsmen one-shotting pretty much every Chaos-worshipping faggot in the area, as well as Vance himself, balls-slapping the [[Fail|failure of a Chaos Lord,]] [[Firaeveus Carron|Firaeveus Carron]]. This shows how badass and cool Vance Motherfucking Stubbs is and how his very presence can turn the Guardsmen's standard-issue balls-of-steel into Adamantium-tipped power-balls that would be so heavy it could bitch-slap a Titan if they so need it.

Additionally, Vance is not only a motherfucker himself, [[Reasonable Marines|but a pragmatic motherfucker.]] On his siege on the Tau special moon base, Vance ordered his men that instead of destroying the Hippie Cannon ([[Wat|giant ass cannon in Soulstorm that destroys advance life forms buts saves the trees...]]) [[Creed|he thought it would be much more practical to use it against those cunt-face blueberries.]] The work paid off as Vance and his men hilariously start to pile drive the Tau with their own technology as those space weeaboos start to shit their grey-ass; before pussy whipping the Tau Ethereal in front of the Tau Commander stationed at the moon. Instead of actually destroying any further Tau technology, to prove how much of a pragmatist he is, the motherfucker-in-chief decides to hoard some xeno relics as bargaining tools for the [[Ordo Xenos]] and other similar Imperial groups in order to gain a upper hand to protect the prestige of his men. What a motherfucker.

Also on his defeat of the Eldar, he was reported to have secretly [[Love Can Bloom|boned]] [[Caerys]] to the point of fucking her precognition which might explain why she constantly [[Fail|fails]] [[Farseer|at her job,]] that or she might accidentally tried to peek at Vance's mind only to see multiple images on his...ehem...[[/d/|'Thunderhammer']] [[Extra Heresy|which may promptly made her wet herself and lose all psychic concentration.]] Heck she may even secretly joined Vance's harem of lovers as she wasn't canonically seen getting killed. Vance's harem possibly includes several chosen [[Imperial Guard|Guardswomen]] (Who are often led too exhausted and near death after his 'regimental training'), a entire squad of [[Howling Banshees]] (He really makes them 'Howl' if you know what I mean...), several Dark Eldar [[Wyches]] (Even they admit that his merciless as he brutally pulverizes them since their Xenos and stuff) and even a couple of [[Sisters of Battle|Sisters]] (Who have not immolated themselves but dropped their guns at awe as he gave them a new meaning to 'divine intervention'). But as usual, when asked about this potential [[Heresy]] Stubbs just shrugs off with a cool breeze as cold as [[Fenris]] before continuing his duty in obliterating the enemies of man. The [[Emprah]] works in mysterious ways and Stubbs is no exception.

No, it isn't possible to say Vance Motherfucking Stubbs without 'Motherfucking' in the middle.

==...In actuality==
As of DoW3's release, the victor of Soulstorm was revealed to be none other than....Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter, rather than Vance Stubbs. This of course caused much [[RAGE]] at the release of the game, which coupled with the games radically different gameplay and lack of the Imperial Guard as a faction, only continued to divide people's opinion further. However, we do not know if Vance survived, or was killed in combat. Couple this with the fact that it is later implied that the Imperials held onto the system, along with Gorgutz boredom and later departure, we can only assume that Vance led the counter attack to reclaim the system.

==See Also==
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cno-_CM0yyU Commissar, I would like to see this city built up again. I would like to see towers and spires of gleaming white. I would like to see our men on parade routes, not tours of duty! I WOULD LIKE TO SEE EVERY CITY ON THIS PLANET, EVERY COLONY ON THIS BESOTTED, MISERABLE SYSTEM TURNED TO THE SERVICE AND INDUSTRY OF THE IMPERIUM IN THE EMPEROR'S NAME!]-(Ain't Stubbs an idealistic badass?)

==In the Soulstorm campaign==
Vance is your early melee tank who is able to protect your precious flashlight trooper from all kinds of nasty melee units like ork boyz, assault marine and banshee. He can recruit 4 kinds of bodyguard such as commissar, warrior priest, pysker and kasrkin sergeant.

Commissar gives extra morale. Psyker gives detection to stealth units as well as their [[heresy|dangerous]] psychic abilities. Warrior priest gives extra morale, speed and health([[cheese|with the awesome ability to make Vance invincible if the your base has reached tier 3]]). The Kasrkin sergeants is only available after Ibram's Vestment is unlock and it gives Vance extra 100 hp, 150 morale.

So in summary, if you want Vance to be a [[eliphas|mega]] [[Gorgutz|tank]], you need to have every bodyguard as a warrior priest which not only gives Vance lots of health, but also allows Vance to use the priest's invincibility 5 TIMES.

Though if you want Vance to be shooty, you needs to have all kasrkin sergeant (who are pretty cheap and fast to recruit by the way) and they will shoot everyone to shits with their advance flashlights hellgun.

Psyker's detection is kind of useless if Vance has the Targeting Optics wargears and it's psychic abilities is not really that useful since you rely on your flashlight troopers' daka damage most of the time.

Commissar's extra morale isn't worth to recruit but it can put out some daka and it does not requires Ibram's Vestment so it would be a early placement for kasrkin sergeants.

By the time Vance is fully upgraded, it can eat buildings and vehicles for breakfast and tanking relic units like the frigging night bringer toe to toe with his invincibility.

==Codex Stubbs==
Now your Guardsmen can be led by this badass.

'''Vance "Motherfucking" Stubbs. Governor General of Kaurava:'''
Vance Stubbs may replace the Company Commander of a Company Command Squad or the Tempestor Prime of a Militorum Tempestus Platoon Command Squad (in which case the Militorum Tempestus Platoon Command Squad becomes an HQ choice) for 110 points.
{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Name !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! I !! A !! Ld !! Sv
|-
| '''Vance Stubbs''' || 5 || 5 || 3 || 4 || 3 || 4 || 3 || 10 || 4+/5++
|}
TYPE: '''Infantry'''
 Warlord Trait: '''Bellowing Voice'''
 Special Rules:
*A Father to his Men: Every Astra Militarum model within Vance's Command Radius has +1 Leadership.
*Hatred (Tau)
*'''Ambidextrous''': Vance Stubbs may fire both his Storm Bolter and his Plasma Gun during the shooting phase (he must still fire at the same target as his unit) or when firing overwatch.
*'''Voice of Command'''
*Senior Officer
*Stubborn
Wargear:
*'''Plasma Gun'''
*'''Battle Claws''': These are a pair of Master-Crafted Power Claws that grant +1 Strength.
*'''Storm Bolter'''
*'''Carapace Armour'''
*'''Bionics''': Improves Vance's Toughness by 1 (already represented in his profile) and grants the Feel No Pain special rule.
*'''Macharian Cross''': After deployment is complete (including deploying infiltrators and moving scouts) but before determining who has the first turn, any single infantry squad within 6” of Vance Stubbs may be redeployed up to 12” but otherwise must abide by all of the mission's deployment zones and rules.
*'''Ibram’s Vestment''': Grants the Preferred Enemy special rule to friendly models within 12".
Frag Grenades
*'''Frag and Krak Grenades'''
*'''Melta Bombs'''

== Gallery ==
<gallery>
Image:VanceStubbsHate.JPG|Not everyone shares the same enthusiastic adoration of him, though.
Image:VanceMotherfuckingStubbs1.png|Vance Motherfucking Stubbs checking out his impressive claws.
</gallery>

{{IG-Characters}}

[[Category: Dawn of War]]

Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter

2017-04-29T15:05:39Z

2602:306:C544:B790:79E7:C156:DC1F:A3E9:

[[Image:GORGUTZ 'EAD 'UNTER.png|thumb|right|The one and only.]]'''Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter''' is an [[Ork]] <strike>Warboss</strike> WARLORD!! YA GIT, and one of the primary recurring characters of the [[Dawn of War]] games, having featured in every expansion since his introduction in [[Dawn of War#Winter Assault|Winter Assault]]. Awesomely, he is the leader of the Ork faction in each expansion. While not short of [[Gork|traditional Ork virtues]], Gorgutz is [[Mork|unusually crafty for an Ork]], and always ensures he has some method of escaping in the event that whatever [[WAAAGH]] he is leading happens to be defeated, conveniently reappearing some time later at the head of another WAAAGH (and in another expansion) somewhere else in the galaxy. Gorgutz and Kaptin Bluddflagg are probably tied with Eliphas for the best fucking awesome characters ever.

Gorgutz takes the appellation "'Ead 'Unter" thanks to his fondness for collecting the decapitated heads of significant foes. When questioned why he collects his foes' heads, he replied that heads look better impaled upon sharp sticks than feet do. A true philosophic genius.

As listening to any of his dialogue would probably indicate, Gorgutz is also exceptionally witty, which must surely be frustrating when the overwhelming majority of the company he keeps isn’t clever enough to understand, or appreciate, his wordplay. If he still had hands capable of such a precise gesture, you just know he’d be rubbing his temples and muttering “I’m surrounded by gitz.” He probably relishes fighting more intelligent races just as much for a chance at some proper verbal sparring as much as for the fight itself.

It is worth noting that Gorgutz was voiced by Brian Drummond. Who is notable as the voice of [[Anime|Vegeta in Dragonball Z]] and is the creator of [[Meme|OVER 9000]]!! Whether this is hilariously awesome or fail is a matter of some contention, though [[/tg/|experts]] espouse that it's both (and thus both fail ''and'' hilariously awesome). Fittingly enough, Gorgutz' HP does indeed go over 9000 when he's upgraded with wargear, which is either a [[This Guy|clever reference]] or [[That Guy|derp]] depending on who you ask.

And now, as of Dawn of war 3, Gorgutz is canonically the victor of Soul Storm. WAAAAAGH! indeed.

[[File:ORKZ ARE DA BEST.png|thumb|right|A RIOGHT AND PROPA SMASHIN!]]

[[Image:Gorgutz Closeup.png|thumb|right|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!]]

Hilariously, Michael Dobson, who voiced [[Crull]] in Winter Assault also provided the voice for Nappa in DBZ, so you have Nappa and Vegeta back together screaming threats and insults at one another via proxy.

==Anuvva retelling==
Gorgutz was da biggest and da strongest Ork on dat dere iceworld of Lorn V and he thought it would be fun to smash up dose spiky boy [[Chaos]] gits. Just as he wuz getting started on dat dough dem scrawny [[Imperial_Guard|Imperial Guard]] boyz showed up an’ Gorgutz realised dat deir leada had enough [[General_Sturnn|Grit]] ta make a much better head fur ‘is pointy-stick. 'As to be the 'ead as dat is where tha skull iz, and you’d look pretty stupid with someones foot on yer stik.

Tings went quite well, dere was some good fighting and poncy [[Eldar]] and some of dose [[Necron]]-boyz showed up to get deir stompin’ but dere were not enuff heads on Gorgutz’s stik so he decided to head for Kronos.

''(According to the plotline for Dawn of War: Dark Crusade General Alexander was sent to Kronus in pursuit of Farseer Taldeer. This means Gorgutz did not get her head and probably did not get General Sturnn’s or Alexander would have had that as a second reason for the pursuit. He did get Crull's skull, though, because Eliphas wanted to take it back from him. It's complicating still, because both Taldeer's and Sturnn's heads can be seen on a pointy fence sticks just outside his base.)''

Kronus wuz fun. Not only were dere more pointy Chaos boyz to fight, dere were also [[Space Marines]] and some of those [[Tau]] wusses. Wuz great fun watching a Squiggoth and a Greata Knarlox 'avin' a fight. Dose Eldar came back, an' dere was more Necron boyz to fight. Only problem wuz dat some of those Imperial Guard wimps had followed and Gorgutz had enuff normal humie heds already. Den dose Space Marines spoiled the fun more by beating up da Imperial Guard insteda leaving dem for Gorgutz’s boyz and den by being rather too good at beating up Gorgutz’s boyz as well. 'ad to blow up da base and go froo da tunnels.

''(According to the plotline for Dawn of War II it was the Blood Ravens who attacked and conquered Victory Bay and as the Kronus Campaign is remembered as going well and their goal of recovering relics seemed to have been achieved the Blood Ravens likely won on Kronos. Boo. At least Gorgutz had a little fun.)''

Dere were some super tough Orks on a planet in the Kor-ruvva system but dey were da ones dat kept on running back to dere Ork-hold in sum mountains whenevva dey got a little beat up. Gorgutz decided to go and see if they could be made more Orky. Dis was a mixed success as all-dough dey managed to beat up sum Space Marine gitz de Imperial Guard boyz were ravva tuff an’ had a lot of dem big dakka tanks. Still, if dose Orks could be beaten up by humies dey were not much loss so after killing their leada' Gorgutz wandered off to find da next fight.

''(According to the plotline for Dawn of War II the Blood Ravens remember [[Indrick_Boreale|Commander Boreale's]] campaign in the Kaurava system with shame, which they would if rather than the Blood Ravens dealing with the Ork problem the Orks dealt with them. [[Vance_Motherfucking_Stubbs|Vance Stubbs]] though shipped a hundred [[Baneblade|Baneblades]] to other provinces, which makes about 4 for every territory on the map and even De mighty Gorgutz could only beat up three at a time, which left the other one to beat up the rest of his army, unless dose tankbustaz boys were in da right places.)''

Gorgutz never reappeared in Dawn of War II, having been replaced by two Warboss Bonesmasha's, and then the Kunnin' Kaptin Bluddflagg. We can only hope that Gorgutz hires out Kaptin Bluddflagg in Dawn of War III. On that note, there's no word on Bluddflagg yet, but Dawn of War III has been announced. Guess who'z back, ya grots and squigs! Dawn of War III revealed that he's coming back along with Gabriel Angelos and Farseer Macha, and with all three races supposedly having their own story play out through the campaign you can already count on ol' Gorgutz completely stealing the show. Also, it seems that he is now a Bad Moon, replaced his regular Ork Power Klaw with what looks like a [[Defiler|Defiler's]] [[Awesome|close combat weapon]] <strike>and has evidently re-grown his left hand</strike> I NEVA LOST MY LEFT ARM IT WAS UNDER ARMUR YA GROTZ ZOGGING 'ELL I FOUGT DAT STUPID WAZ DA ONLY GIT I AD TA DEAL WIV., or at the very least got a cybork replacement. [[Image:Gorgutz.jpg|thumb|right|His DoW I appearance.]]

== Combat Ability ==
When Gorgutz gets all his wargear in Dark Crusade and Soulstorm he is absolutely fucking deadly in combat as he has an absolutely FUCKHUEG hit point count (somewhat bigger in Dark Crusade than in Soulstorm as his Banner increased his health in the former game but not the latter) which can be made even larger by getting the tougher bosses upgrade, he will be ridiculously fast (for someone with such stubby legs like him any way), do FUCKHUEG amounts of damage to all armor types in melee, deal huge amounts of damage at range (270 something per hit... that is if he could hit while moving... damn 15% on the move accuracy), does constant Morale damage with his skull rack and will count as two Waaagh! Banners with the banner (duh), but in Soulstorm he will also decrease the recruiting time of your units, which is awesome as it allows you to crank out Orks more quickly.

Gorgutz is capable of beating any-other fully-upgraded commander in Dawn of War with five exceptions: Either Necron Lord, should they take Lightning Field, Will do the bulk of Gorgutz' meaty damage back to him and ergo fuck Gorgutz' shit up (especially if he has Phylactery as well) and he can simply obliterate Gorgutz if he uses the essence of the Nightbringer ((Actually the fully upgraded necron lord will pretty easily kill pretty much any of the other commanders in a fair fight, especially with the right artifacts, and especially in soulstorm where he becomes even more ridiculously overpowered)), and [[Eliphas]] is capable of flat-out demolishing even Gorgutz due to his knockback immunity and access to Daemonic strength and higher raw damage. [[Firaeveus Carron|Carron]] isn't quite as capable of fucking up Gorgutz' shit, because he isn't as powerful in melee (Eliphas is ''considerably'' stronger damage-wise, in exchange for Carron being able to inflict a lot more morale damage), but he can still mess Gorgutz up, coming away with slightly more HP at the end of a fight between the two (again, knockdown immunity). In a raw range-vs-range fight, Gorgutz can beat [[Shas'o Kais]] if he has his Kustom Shoota if Kais lacks upgrades, but will lose to him if he has either the launcher or Iridium Armor, and will reliably get utterly trashed in ranged combat by [[Commander Or'es'Ka]].

Ironically, the Daemon Prince forms of both Carron and Eliphas are incapable of defeating Gorgutz in close-combat due to Gorgutz' high anti-Daemon damage. Finally, [[Caerys]] in Soulstorm is capable of being a cheesy cunt, since her upgraded pistol can one-shot kill Gorgutz if he gets under 20% HP, which makes sense considering it [[Eldrad|belonged to a huge dick]]. Of course, if you are lucky you can kill her before it ever gets to that.

He will be able to practically steamroll entire bases on his own and will be an excellent commander killer, and in a pinch he can really help out when you take on those pesky relic units. He has two indestructible modes, ranged and attached to Flash Gitz, or melee and attached to Nobs. Both are totally rapetastic.

{{Ork-Gitz}}

[[Category: Dawn of War]]