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Sly Marbo

2016-08-04T18:48:09Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36:

[[Image:Sly Marbo Art.jpg|frame|It's a motherfuckin' lead farm!]]
This video will tell you everything there is on the image of Sly Marbo:[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y]

Sly Marbo (A.K.A Rip-Off of Rambo, The One-Man Army, Chuck Norris/Sylvester Stallone made grimdark) is a renowned Catachan Jungle Fighter, however, he operates separately from other Catachan units as he's a lone wolf almost all the time.

==Marbo in Game==

Marbo WAS an elite unit choice for the [[Imperial Guard]] rather than an HQ (as is the case with most special characters), which makes sense because he's an operative, not a commander. He costs the bitchin' low amount of 65 points (so the same as a 10 man squad of Guardsmen with grenade launcher and power weapon). Marbo also carries a Demo charge around with him so when he's deployed onto the field from reserves, he drops a S8/AP2 pieplate of death that's designed to ruin some squad's day anywhere on the map, after that he pretty much plays out like a regular unit (except he is alone and far less effective than an entire unit of most things).

Marbo, if you strike him into enemy lines, will inevitably die because your opponent will really want him dead due to the threat he poses against infantry. Marbo, however, IS the shit. All of his weapons are 2+ poisoned, he's pretty good at assault and shooting (although his shooting attack is somewhat short ranged, so you're better off charging the enemy lines) and will invariably wreck some expensive squad's day before he dies a glorious death, assuming he gets close. If he ever DOES die, reality will stop for a brief moment and The Emprah will be heard to shout "What's wrong? Sly? Sly? SLYYYYYYYY!"

Then He'll lock Himself in His room and cry for three days and three nights.

==Marbo in Novel==
Marbo appeared in the novel Deathworld. In the novel, the main characters, though in a squad of 10, were already having trouble surviving the planet and its life. It was made impossible to fall asleep and wake up (because you'd already be dead!) without someone keeping watch over you. How the hell then did Sly Marbo do it? Nobody really knows, maybe it's because of the facts below. In fact, he is one of the most poorly developed characters in the entire 40k history; some speculate that he is on par with Boreale and Carron. And in the Codex the little that is mentioned of him makes him out to be even more of a badass; he is known to have been awarded multiple Stars of Terra (the highest military award in the Imperium), so many in fact that he stopped caring and needed someone else to hold them for him.

==Death of a Hero==
According to the new codex, he isn't listed anymore (rumored due to ultra marine fans bitching) . Then again a lot of things are changing, so we might see his return in a small offshoot book or support text. Pray to your gods for the return of Marbo. The Emperor protects.

== Sly Marbo Facts ==
(Note: Try to place as many facts as you can)
*Sly Marbo is once beaten Chuck Norris in duel of the beards and got him sucked out of the universe
*Sly Marbo is the oldest being in the universe as he killed everything else. So when he created the chaos gods they were so afraid of him they created their own dimension to flee from him. They think they are safe from Sly Marbo but the truth is they are not.
*Sly Marbo is not actually silent, but is actually screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA". The only reason why people cannot hear him is because only the most badass people to exist can hear it, which is why the emprah has a single continuous headache on the golden throne.
*Sly Marbo is never added to an army. Army lists are added to Sly Marbo. Watch here for the reversed demonstration: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYfCb8D1JVo]
*[[Exterminatus]] destroys planets. Sly Marbo destroys segmenta.
*Sly Marbo can and will single-handedly destroy the Tyranids. By '''looking''' at them.
*Sly Marbo models assemble and paint themselves.
*Sly Marbo does not sleep, he waits.
*Sly Marbo slayed all the Dark Eldar by himself and yelled out his mighty AAAAAAAAAAAAAA to free all of the captives from their cages. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y]
*Sly Marbo goes to war waitwalking.
*Sly Marbo is the reason the Void Dragon is hiding.
*Sly Marbo scares the living shit out of all the Ordo Malleus, Ordo Hereticus, and Ordo Xenos put together.
*Sly Marbo passes any characteristic test he is required to take including Toughness, Leadership, STD, Genetic, Initiative, and Paternity.
*[[Abaddon]] stole the planet killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside.
*In Dawn of War 2: Retribution, Tyranid ending, the swarm strips all life from subsector Aurelia. Well, 99.999% of it; Marbo is still there.
*Sly Marbo's mini was once used in Dungeons and Dragons. His player killed the Dungeon Master. And then got killed by the Sly Marbo mini.
*In the movement phase, Sly Marbo remains stationary and moves the gaming table 6" in any direction.
*Lightsabers are powered by Marbo's toenail clippings.
*Sly Marbo once fought Nurgle and changed him into a flower.
*When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo.
*They developed a new branch of the Inquisition specifically for Marbo - Ordo Marbicus.
*Sly Marbo killed Batman's parents.
*Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy [[Leman Russ]] is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
*The [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] isn't on the Golden Throne, he just left a dummy there to keep Marbo off his trail. Marbo's not fooled.
*The Grim Reaper doesn't come for Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo comes for the Grim Reaper.
*Sly Marbo has two speeds, Stalk and Exterminatus.
*If Marbo's demo charge scatters back on him, he kicks the template back so that it lands on the enemy general.
*The Emperor quit the crusade because Sly told him to.
*Sly isn't the missing [[Primarch]]. He is the entire Missing Legion!
*Sly Marbo really loves kittens and puppies. He thinks they're best served rare.
*Sly Marbo never washes. Dirt is too afraid to touch him.
*Sly Marbo ALWAYS eats soup with a fork.
*Sly Marbo eats Tyranid Rippers for breakfast. Without any milk.
*When MC Hammer is around, it's Hammertime. When Marbo is around, you know poor MC will never be back.
* Jesus can walk on water. Marbo can swim through solid rock.
* Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo gets discounts from Games Workshop.
* Sly Marbo's paints thin themselves.
* Sly Marbo looks good in parachute pants.
* Sly Marbo once looked into the Eye of Terror. It looked away.
* Medusa turned to stone when she made eye contact with Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo helped Chris-chan get china.
* Sly Marbo can touch this.
* Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
* Sly Marbo made [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]'s spare camo cloak out of fibers from his own chest hair.
* Sly Marbo doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
* Sly Marbo has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a little jar next to his bed. Don't worry; it was an ''evil'' child that had killed its parents.
* Sly Marbo stole my heart. I think he ate it.
* Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a pillow under his gun.
* Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
* Sly Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp.
* It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back The Emperor. Sadly, Marbo never cries and never will.
* Sly Marbo does not sweat from his eyes. Nothing escapes those soulless pits.
* Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fire his weapon, it's just that the ammo inside his gun is scared and fires itself.
* Krieg was never purged by the Death Korps. Marbo just ate too many beans.
* SLY MARBO MADE THE GOLDEN THRONE, THE GAUNTLETS OF ULTRMAR AND THE IMPERIAL PALACE ON TERRA <strike>BUT LOST THEM IN A POKER GAME
AGAINST THE SLANN</strike>. THAT'S WHY THEY'RE NOT HERE ANY MORE. HE GOT THEM.
* Sly Marbo can beat a royal flush with a high card 7
* The Death Star didn't fire lasers, it fired Marbo's fist.
* Grievous isn't wheezing because of a force attack, he just inhaled pure Sly Marbo particles and couldn't handle the awesome.
* The [[Tyranid]]s actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Mr. Popo. What they don't realize, however, is that Popo, in a classic pincer maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
* The [[C'tan|Nightbringer]] doesn't go outside at night because he's worried that Sly Marbo is waiting for him.
* A Lictor bit Sly Marbo and after 2 weeks of pain and agony the Lictor died.
* It's enough for Sly Marbo to just glance upon you, for you to feel your ass get ripped in two.
* Sly Marbo isn't addicted to lho sticks, lho sticks are addicted to Sly Marbo.
* Techpriests aren't looking for STCs, they're looking for the sacred atoms of metal that came off Sly Marbo's junk that power them.
* Most Vindicare Assassins want to grow up to be just like Sly Marbo, most however grow up to be killed by him.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo punched a star with his bare fist.
* Sly Marbo allows the Emperor to borrow his Golden Throne.
* Sly Marbo <s>once</s> twice conquered the whole Ultima Segmentum.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fear Nurgle's rot, Nurgle's rot fears Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo let the dogs out.
* Sly Marbo beat [[Marneus Calgar|Papa smurf]] in arm wrestling using his little finger.
* Even the [[Angry Marines]] are scared of Marbo. Even their chapter master: Temperus Maximum, can't curse or even look at him with the slightest bit of anger.
* A [[Bloodthirster]] once challenged Sly Marbo. The experience was so traumatizing that it has refused to manifest into realspace since he fears being in the same plane of existence as Marbo.
* [[Konrad Curze]] wasn't killed by a Callidus Assassin, Marbo just dropped by and kicked him in the happy sack so hard that he hasn't gotten up to this day. The Imperium just used the Assassin as a cover story to make it look like the Assassinorum still has its uses.
* [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I mindfucked an Eldar Farseer with my non-psychic mind" Straken]], and Sly Marbo regularly get together for poker night in a secret dimension which only pure essences of awesome may visit. [[Creed]] doesn't get invited because nobody likes it when a stack of ordinary poker chips turns out to be a squadron of [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Leman Russ Demolishers]], just lying in wait.
* Sly Marbo can beat a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers with a High Card 7
* When Marbo fails his armor or invulnerable save, the one who caused it gets the wound.
* Sly Marbo stared into [[Slaanesh]] him/her/itself, Slaanesh later lost his/her/it's soul to Marbo.
* Sly Marbo took a stroll through the Gardens of [[Nurgle]], it became disease free after he left.
* Sly Marbo gave [[Nurgle]] the clap.
* Sly Marbo got into [[Tzeentch]]'s forbidden library, blindfolded, in just 5 seconds. And only because he gave the library a 4.5 second head start.
* [[Khorne]] didn't cause the endless chasm in his brass citadel out of rage, Marbo just put his foot down in front of Khorne's throne.
* Sly Marbo once gave a riddle to the [[C'tan|Deceiver]], which the Deceiver still haven't solved.
* [[Khaine|Khaela Mensha Khaine]] only shattered into a bajillion pieces after Marbo punched him in the gut.
* [[Horus]] is said to have killed [[Sanguinius]] because the Angel was tired from battle. That battle was losing an arm wrestling match with Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo could heal [[Roboute Guilliman]] and [[Lion El'Jonson]]. Experience has just taught him they won't be awesome enough to receive it.
*[[Lorgar]] is said to be on Sicarius communing with the [[Chaos Gods]]. He's really just trying to hide from Sly Marbo.
*[[Logan Grimnar]] once challenged Sly Marbo to a drinking contest. The Great Wolf fell into a coma trying to beat Marbo. As punishment, Logan must now ride a pretty little sleigh dragged by wolves.
*[[Dante]]'s Death Mask curses anyone who looks at him. He's terrified of what will happen if he looks at Sly Marbo while wearing it.
*[[Eldrad]] takes everything into account when making a plan. Sly Marbo is the one unpredictable factor.
*Sly Marbo once banished an entire daemonic horde by giving it a mean look.
*Marbo once dueled an [[Eversor]] assassin in close combat, he managed to literally rip the assassin in half with his bare hands and end the fight in just 10 seconds flat.
*Whenever Marbo spits at someone, his spit turns into a plasma bolt. Whenever he fails his "Gets Hot" roll, the one he spat at explodes. (Note: Sly Marbo never fails any rolls unless he chooses to do so.)
*Sly Marbo pisses melta fire.
*Marbo can be an Ultramarine, but hates them anyway, so he doesn't care.
*The [[Administratum]] once attempted to impose a higher tithe on Catachan. Sly Marbo was sent to deliver their counteroffer. The Administratum quickly lowered Catachan's tithe.
*A Miral land shark once tried to ambush Marbo like Straken, the land shark's teeth shattered and died the second after it bit Marbo.
*Sly Marbo makes Khorne Berzerkers take morale checks and makes them squeal like little girls when they see him.
*Marbo once defeated Tzeentch in a chess game..... with just 3 moves.
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] is actually Marbo is disguise, he just assumes this form to troll fa/tg/uys for fun.
*Sly Marbo is the reason the Emprah is on the Golden Throne.
*Marbo once killed a Hierophant bio-titan by bitch-slapping it in the face, he then killed the entire brood of Tyranids following it by ripping-off one of the dead Hierophant's scything talons and using it as his own melee weapon.
*[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] is said to have left the Third War for Armageddon because he got bored. He really left because he learned Sly Marbo was coming.
*Sly Marbo once cut himself to see what all the fuss was about. The resulting blood formed into [[Ollanius Pius]].
*Sly Marbo's sweat is what poison lines his weapon.
*Orks wear Gork and Mork pajamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pajamas.
*Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
*A Daemon Prince once saved a Cadian regiment from Necrons; the Guardsmen were baffled until they realized the daemon had been possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo can kick [[Sisters of Battle|a Bolter Bitch]] to the balls.
*The [[Crimson Fists]] got their name after Sly Marbo played bloody knuckles with [[Pedro Kantor]].
*Sly Marbo once took Moondrakken for a joyride. He brought it back with all the radio presets changed and the seat readjusted. Kor'sarro Khan didn't dare complain.
*The [[Salamanders]] hold that [[Vulkan]] will return when they collect all nine of his sacred artifacts. So far they've recovered five. Sly Marbo has not seen fit to return the other four.
*Marbo once ate a [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]. He thought it was bland.
*Sly Marbo once broke the battlements of Medrengard in an hour.
*Sly Marbo was once on a planet subjected to virus bombing. Sly Marbo's immune system killed the viruses before they infected him. And then his immune system killed everyone else on the planet.
*Sly Marbo once looked into the Eye of Terror. They say a Chaos God looked back at him. Sly then went into the Eye of Terror to beat it senseless for looking at him funny.
*Sly Marbo taught tactics to - wait, what's that Titan doing there?
[[Creed|"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED"]]
*Sly Marbo can strangle you with a cordless Vox.
*Sly Marbo is the GOD DAMN BATMAN!
*Sly Marbo will never, ever say "GO! Get to the Chopper!" That's the kind of thing a neckbeard says.
*Sly Marbo has constipation issues, because he knows his feces could be used to track him in the field.
*Sly Marbo refused to be hidden in plain sight by CREED. He called Creed "A cheap man's Copperfield".
*[[Indrick Boreale]] once spoke Sly Marbo's name and the sheer awesomeness fixed his speech impediment.
*A greater Daemon once possessed Sly Marbo… No one knows what happened to it.
*Sly Marbo doesn't need meltabombs. He just pisses on a tank and it explodes.
*The Necrons went into stasis because Marbo was killing everything else.
*Any time a Farseer says "Just as planned", Marbo will be standing behind them with murder in his eyes.
*Marbo can murder with his eyeballs.
*Sly Marbo's favorite sandwich is a Catachan Barking Toad between two meltabombs.
*Sly Marbo is the stig.
*Sly Marbo's glare is treated as a Plasma Blastgun With the rate of fire of a punisher Gatling Cannon
*Kharn The Betrayer once fought Marbo. Kharn was found embedded in the hull of an orbiting starship. He took the defeat pretty well.
*Plasma weapons use a synthetic form of Marbo's testosterone. In its natural state it is white-hot and obliterates everything it touches.
*Sly Marbo does not and never has owned a machete. That's just his arm hair.
*Sly Marbo once had intestinal parasites. Once he shat them out they became known as Catachan Devils.
*Marbo once allowed a Guard player to use his mini, the Necron player he fought wasn't allowed to take Reanimation Protocol rolls, the Tau player he fought got into melee and the Daemon player he fought tried and failed to dance An'ggrath around the map out of Marbo's reach.
*When the emperor was finally re-awoken, he rose and said, "I am the god emperor of mankind. Who dared to wake m- Oh... It is you my master."
*Slaanesh needs to masturbate every time Sly Marbo kills a [[Carnifex]]. Chaos Realm suffers chronic floodings.
*Sly Marbo stole the Blood Raven's home planet.
*Creed played chess with Tzeentch and won. Sly Marbo played chess with Chaos Undivided and it ended in a draw, but the four gods were so scared that they refused to play when Marbo asked for a rematch.
*Sly Marbo's internet seems slow. That's just because he's faster than it.
*Sly Marbo gives out a special rule... Feel MORE Pain.
*The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard, Sly Marbo was already there.
*Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
*If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
*You are only alive because Sly Marbo is too busy Stirring Coals with his Penis to kill you.
*Sly Marbo can drown a fish.
*Sly Marbo simply walks into Mordor.
*A Lictor once tried to ambush Sly Marbo while he was waiting; it did not expect Marbo to ambush it while ambushing him.
*The poisons on Marbo's rounds and knife is actually made from his sweat and it's the only poison that even Nurgle daemons cannot resist.
*Marbo can seduce Slaaneshi [[Daemonettes]] at will. After they do they dirty, Sly doesn't have to kill them because they're already dead from ecstasy (and not the drug).
*After Sly Marbo killed a Tyranid swarm out of boredom, the Swarmlord was deployed to kill Marbo. After six months of trying (and dying), the Swarmlord finally gave up and stopped reincarnating.
*Sly Marbo’s testicles are of such might they ignore armor saves in close combat.
*The only reason Sly Marbo isn't a primarch is because it would be a demotion. The same with being a Daemon Prince.
*Khorne used to have a gold pedestal just for Marbo's skull. He has since melted it down and sold it at a Cash-4-Gold shop.
*When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. When Sly Marbo stares into the abyss, the abyss averts its gaze to the left.
*Sly Marbo bowls overhand.
*When Sly Marbo has to stitch up a deep gash, he doesn't use a needle and thread, he uses a tent spike and bailing wire.
*Trayzn's 'hood' is a neck brace. Marbo effortlessly sniffed out the real Trazyn and ripped his spine out. Trayzn still hasn't gotten it back.
*Sly Marbo is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
*Sly Marbo once snuck up on [[Lucius]] the Eternal and slit his throat from behind. Lucius was unable to possess him, as Sly Marbo's thirst for killing can never be satisfied.
*Sly Marbo once got into a theological debate with [[Erebus]], and pointed out thirty-nine logical fallacies in the Book of Lorgar, which Erebus was unable to explain. And that's why Catachan will never have door-to-door Word Bearers appear in the system ever again.
*During the Battle of Calth, Roboute Guilliman ripped out [[Kor Phaeron]]'s heart. Upon reading this at the schola, Sly Marbo traveled back in time to the [[Horus Heresy]], where he ripped out Kor Phaeron's spine and beat Guilliman senseless with it.
*[[Huron Blackheart]] once lead the [[Red Corsairs]] in a raid on Catachan. For their foolishness, Sly Marbo proceeded to raid the [[Maelstrom]] of ... well, everything. "But he can't-" Yes he can.
*SLY MARBO OWNS THE ONLY COPY OF WARHAMMER FANTASY NINTH EDITION. HE'S GOT A SILVER GOLDEN DEMON TROPHY FOR HIS CLANRATS.
*[[Darnath Lysander]] once struck Sly Marbo with the "Hammer of Dorn". Not only did the Hammer break on impact with Marbo, but so did Lysander's storm shield, Terminator armor, and pride.
*Sly Marbo once hugged [[Typhus]]. Not only did he remain clean of disease, but his sweat infected the Destroyer Plague in Typhus's body. It would have killed him if Sly Marbo didn't beat Typhus to death with his own Manreaper first.
*The Adeptus Mechanicus once dug deep underground in an attempt to find a [[Necron]] tomb. They found Sly Marbo instead, ruining his power <s>nap</s> wait. By the end of the day the entire ''star system'' was devoid of all life.
*The Gellar field around Sly Marbo’s ship isn't generated by the ship to keep the people on board safe from the warp. It’s generated by the warp to keep the demons safe from Sly Marbo.
*The Emperor might be able to walk on water but sly Marbo can swim through land.
*Why did the Necrons really go into stasis? They all dug their own graves when they heard sly Marbo was coming.
*The reason Malal/Malice is no longer mentioned in Canon is because he ran afoul of Sly Marbo.
*The Outsider would actually really like to come back to our galaxy, except he knows Sly Marbo is waiting for him.
*When the Space Marines are in trouble the Legion of the Damned come to their rescue. When the Legion of the Damned are in trouble, Sly Marbo arrives.
*Roboute Guilliman weeps every day in his stasis field for deep down he knows that he will never be Sly Marbo.
*Contrary to popular belief, Doombreed is not camera shy, it’s just that he foolishly thinks Sly Marbo doesn't know what he looks like, and Doombreed intends to keep it that way.
*Sly Marbo won a staring contest with Mephiston.
*Nemesis [[Dreadknights]] are believed to be ancient pieces of xenos tech; they're actually Sly Marbo's childhood toys.
*Marbo once broke an Eldar soulstone but Slaanesh got nothing because he grabbed the soul first. He's still got it on him.
*Contrary to popular belief, it is unknown if Sly Marbo is bulletproof. Whenever someone fires at him, the bullet/bolt/plasma/las/shuriken stops twenty centimeters from Marbo, turns 180 degrees, and hits the person who fired the shot.
*Sly Marbo controls all of [[Games Workshop]]'s prices. He's just waiting for the right time to lower them.
*Being headbutted by Ghazghkull is like being struck by a mag-train, being poked by Sly Marbo is like being smacked by an Imperator class titan.
*The Adeptus Mechanicus is looking for the STCs. Marbo has most of them in a flash drive that the AdMech knows about but doesn't dare lay claim to it.
*Sly Marbo is the one person [[Alpharius|Alpharius]] never confuses. EVER.
*He knows where all the Tomb Worlds are. This is because he destroyed most of them.
*Sly Marbo takes on [[Genestealers]] in close combat for fun.
*Sly Marbo uses his Uplifting Primer as toilet paper. No commissar would dare execute him for this. [[Commissar Yarrick|(well, with possibly one exception....)]]
*The [[Dark Eldar]] didn't know what pain was until they met Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo Deep Strikes, everything else has to roll scatter die, including the terrain itself.
*A Tau Ethereal can order entire Cadres to commit mass suicide. Marbo can make entire Tau planets kill themselves by looking at them funny.
*Sly Marbo once took on two Stompas in a no DQ one-on-tag handicap match with one arm tied behind his back. Records are scarce, but according to eyewitness reports he German suplexed them both for three hours straight before getting bored and wandering off to find a Mega Gargant to fight.
*The Kroot once conspired a plan to eat Sly Marbo and use his DNA to create perfect Kroot warriors. Marbo fried them in batter and sprinkled them with eleven herbs and spices, never revealing what the eleventh one was (but the first ten herbs and spices were all steak).
*Marbo only ever eats slow-roasted Carnifexes (over an open fire, with a sprinkling of Catachan Bloodvenom Juice).
*Sly Marbo doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the planet down.
*What colour is Sly Marbo's blood? TRICK QUESTION - Sly Marbo doesn't bleed!
*Sly Marbo never takes his Feel No Pain roll. He doesn't understand what this "pain" issue is everyone else is struggling with.
*Sly Marbo is the original owner of Blood Reaver, [[Flesh Tearers|Gabriel Seth's]] chainsword. Sly Marbo used it as a toothbrush, but it wasn't powerful enough so he let Seth borrow it.
*Sly Marbo stuffed his mattress with those 100 missing [[Baneblade|Baneblades]]. It's still too soft for him.
*Sly Marbo doesn't kill everything in the galaxy because it's funny watching them try to kill him.
*Sly Marbo can fold a bowling ball in half.
*Sly Marbo once entered a Dark Angels rap battle. All who witnessed his mad skills on the mic perished. The only reason his opponent survived is because he ran as soon as he heard Sly Marbo's first breath into the mic.
*Dark Eldar aren't hiding from Slaanesh in the webway, they're hiding from Sly Marbo.
*Marbo never dies, he just wants to be a good sport and let them win.
*Marbo once challenged [[Castor|Lord General Castor]] to a duel to see which could slay a Carnifex first. Marbo lost, but only because he spent the last few seconds of his kill's life taunting it.
*Emperor is actually Sly Marbo in disguise.
*Sly Marbo is the Angry Marines primarch.
*Sly Marbo once bro-fisted a Imperator Titan. All that remains of said titan was the hellstorm cannon on Kronus.
*Khorne spills blood for Sly Marbo.
*Every Sister of Battle is crazy with lust for Marbo. He doesn't take advantage of that because he's a gentleman. Banging even one of them would get the rest of the Sororitas in that order pregnant; and no woman in the galaxy has a womb strong enough to bear his children (except [[Samus]]).
*Sly Marbo can "out-CREEEEEED!" Creed; Marbo lets Creed do it when he can't be bothered to himself.
*The Hive Mind of the Tyranids drives people insane because IT is insane too. Said insanity came about when Marbo let it psychically touch his mind.
*Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one. (And I can too... OH SHIT! FTHWREGWARBLBLBLBL...)
*Sly Marbo is Roboute Guilliman's [[Spiritual Liege]].
*Sly Marbo is America and so can you.
*A necron lord once shot Marbo in the knee with a tachyron arrow, but Marbo was unhurt because his body is STRONGER THAN ANY MATTER.
*Sly Marbo doesn't steal the initiative, the initiative is given to him.
*Sly Marbo powers the Morphin' Grid.
*Princess Celestia fears the day Marbo Visits Equestria.
*I was once a Guardsman like you, but then I took a Sly Marbo to the knee.
*Sly Marbo is the reason [[Matthew Ward]] quit working at Games Workshop. Now that he's gone, Marbo's planning on tormenting that [[Robin Cruddace]] prick next...
*The only way to banish Sly Marbo is to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
*He got his own squad after what happened last night.
*Sly Marbo is the one who killed Zordon! Andros was a cover story.
*Sly Marbo stalks Slenderman.
*Supernovae don't exist, it is just Sly Marbo's farts.
*The Celestial Orrery is actually one of Sly Marbo's kidney stones.
*Sly Marbo was once shot by a Nova Cannon before, after the devastating explosion, the Nova Cannon as well as the entire Imperial Navy in the sector died.
*A prophecy was announced recently in the Imperium, if Sly Marbo, [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "My bionic fists can bitch-slap Titans for Tuesday" Straken]], [[Creed]], [[Commissar Ciaphas Cain]], [[Commissar Holt]], [[Commissar Fucklaw]], [[Commissar Yarrick]], [[Sturnn|General Sturnn]], [[Merrick]], [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Castor|Lord General Castor]] and [[Ollanius Pius]] ever teamed up, they would destroy all four Chaos Gods, shatter reality and break open the fourth-wall while punching you in the face as an extra measure (You will be honored if you WERE punched in the face by these guys, admit it, you know it will be true).
*Sly Marbo is secretly the Six Samurai.
*Sly Marbo once peed into the oil tank of a truck, that truck was then used as inspiration to make the baneblade.
*Sly Marbo beat Slaanesh and Doomrider in a cocaine and orgy competition while <s>sleeping</s> waiting.
*Sly Marbo is so stealthy he even gets past Spider-Man's spider sense and Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense!!
*Sly Marbo once built a robot. That robot is known as the Void Dragon.
*Sly Marbo once banished Skarbrand back to the Warp.
*Sly Marbo is actually THE Dragonborn.
*Sly Marbo turned my Battle Brother into [[Chaos Spawn| the creature that shall not be named.]]
*Sly Marbo occasionally indulges himself in a grilled cheese after he is done bitch-slapping Rowboat Jellyfan with his ceramite balls.
*Sly Marbo once almost made a Chuck Norris joke, but then didn't because [[JUST AS PLANNED|Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny]].
*When Sly Marbo builds models, he is really building the Mechanicus' Imperator Titans.
*Sly Marbo actually shits out Demolisher Shells.
*Sly Marbo broke into the Black library, told Cegorach how to actually be funny, and then punched Ahriman in the face. <s>Did I mention he was high after out cocaining Doomrider? No? Well he had</s> No drug is powerful enough to get Sly Marbo high.
*Sly Marbo has turned many an Ultramarine into a heretic. His manly jawline, well defined biceps, and thousand yard stare seem to have found a trait not previously noted from their geneseed. That is, to put it simply: Sly Marbo turns Ultramarines gay.
*While anyone else chews tobacco, Sly Marbo chews glass.
*<strike>Think Bella's love for Edward multiplied by over 9,000. that is how much Marbo loves to make up facts about himself.</strike>{{BLAM}}
*Sly Marbo is deadly to vampires, werewolves, zombies and any other undead. And regular dead. And not dead.
*Sly Marbo won the game.
*[[Gabriel Seth]] was in a brawl with Marbo, when Emperor knows how, he found an opening in his guard and tried to kick him in the balls. Not only did he break a leg in an attempt, Marbo was so pissed off that most of the Flesh Tearers are now overcome with black rage .
*Sly Marbo once stopped a [[Black Crusade]] by tricking the Chaos Lord leading it into saying "You and what Hulk?" Said Chaos Lord and his warband were then crushed by a [[Space Hulk]] thrown at them by the Incredible Hulk( who was really sly marbo wearing green paint).
*The Emprah's stats are all E. Sly Marbo's stats are all E^E.
*Sly Marbo once visited the Warhammer World a long time ago; this event is known to us as the coming of the Old Ones.
*Sly Marbo is never cut from a Codex - he just chooses to go back into the shadows to stalk you.
*It's said that Bjorn the Fell-Handed is the oldest Space Marine. Marbo was his babysitter.
*Trazyn has to change his collection every century or so because Marbo keeps asking for his toys back.
*Sly Marbo knows EXACTLY where Carmen Sandiego is. (Spoilers, he killed her)
*Sly Marbo knows where you're not; safe.
*The Emperor kneels before no man. But then again, calling Marbo a man is hardly fair.
*The Primarchs were just Marbo playing fancy dresses.
*The Primarchs weren't stolen by chaos, they were running from their grandfather - Sly Marbo.
*Rumor has it that the reason Sly Marbo isn't in the AM Codex is because he'll get his own multi-part E-Codex just to describe his countless acts of MANLINESS. He will also count as his own army.
*Sly Marbo once had an arm wrestling match with [[Abbadon]], with the loser's arms as the bet. Abby lost that match, and his arms.
*Sly IS Adventure Time!
*<s>Sly Marbo knows what the fox says....[[Furry|yiff]]</s> {{BLAM}}
*Sly Marbo's section was removed from the codex in a vain attempt by Games Workshop to delay his wrath for their many sins against the Guard. They have failed.
*Sly Marbo ate Schrodinger's Cat, while it was both dead and alive.
*Sly Marbo sheds his skin every month. He hands the skin over to the Adeptus Mechanicus, who then use it to reinforce suits of Tartaros-pattern [[Terminator]] armour. It is assumed that most of these are in the possession of the [[Minotaurs]].
*Sly Marbo has enough dakka.
*Sly Marbo has never killed a man. He just beats them so bad they are turned to little girls before they die.
*Sly Marbo is the name of [[Doctor Who|the Doctor]].
*The spaceballs brake for nobody. Except Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo expects the Spanish Inquisition.
*Sly Marbo is the reason thehub network is changing its name to Discovery Family.
*Sly Marbo is Leman Russ.
*Sly Marbo was the one who build a text to speech device for the EMPRAH.
*<strike> Sly Marbo programmed the animatronics to kill any fool that takes the security job at Freddy's Pizza. </strike> {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|Heresy!}}
*The reason why Sly Marbo isn't in the 6th Edition Codex, he decided to go on an under cover mission to stop the Chaos and Xenos forces from taking over [[Warhammer 40,000: Eternal Crusade|Arkhona.]]
*Marbo once banged a Dominatrix and the product was the Swarmlord.
*Sly Marbo looked straight at SCP-096's face, blinked while staring at SCP-173, and insulted SCP-076 in front of the entire SCP Foundation. None of the fuckers dared to make a move.
*Sly Marbo released Half Life 3.
*Sly Marbo beat Doomrider in a crack-snorting contest.
*Sly Marbo can out-transform Optimus Prime.
*Sly Marbo talks about Fight Club.
*Sly Marbo has a pet Carnifex called cuddles, although most know him as Old One Eye.
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] isn't trapped in the warp. He's hiding from Marbo.
*Black holes are created when Sly Marbo rips his way into our universe; the universe is too scared to seal the breaches.
*Sly Marbo can outsmart bullets.
*Sly Marbo's eyes made flamethrowers obsolete.
*Jesus Christ saves souls. Sly Marbo saves everything else.
*Sly Marbo can slam a revolving door.
*Death had a near-Sly Marbo experience.
*Sly Marbo will never get a heart attack. His heart isn't stupid enough to attack him.
*There is no Theory of Evolution. Just a list of animals Sly Marbo allows to live.
*Sly Marbo flashed before Life's eyes.
*Sly Marbo doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.
*Sly Marbo's favorite color is blood.
*Sly Marbo is the one who touched the Heavy's gun.
*Sly Marbo can smack air.
*Sly Marbo solved Imotekh's favorite Tessaract Labyrinth with an abacus.
*Sly Marbo shot a man with a knife.
*I don't know what the big deal is about a fictional Rambo rip-off. Now if you'll excuse me, someone's at my front door.
*Sly Marbo can divide by zero.
*Sly Marbo protects his air bags in car accidents.
*One of Sly Marbo's discarded fingernails fell into the real world from the Warp. It reformatted into Audie Murphy.
*The Alpha Legion's original name was actually the Beta Legion. Sly decided to be nice and let them take his Legion's name (said Legion consisted of himself and a [[Laspistol]]).
*When Spartans go MIA, they're really running away, scared and ashamed that they dared fail Sly Marbo.
*Commander [[Farsight]] found one of Sly's discarded dinner knifes on a planet that he had a picnic on. Said knife was the Dawn Blade, and the previously verdant and inhabited world became a dead world after what Sly did after lunch.
*The only reason SAXTON HALE!!! is in charge of [[Hats|Mann Co.]] is because Sly Marbo isn't interested in such a pathetic company.
*Sly Marbo is the only person EVER to have heard both Gordon Freeman and Chell speak.
*Sly Marbo once ran a 0-second mile. Than did it again, just to piss off physics.
*Sly Marbo went back in time and had sex with an Eldar Farseer. A combination of overwhelming pleasure, Sly Marbo's jizz changed her... today, she is known as [[Slaanesh]].
*All the skulls in Khorne's realm actually belong to Sly Marbo. Khorne just minds them for him.
*The reason the Eldar Phoenix Lords are immortal is truly because Sly Marbo finds them tolerable enough to keep alive; whenever one dies he performs CPR, as CPR from Sly Marbo can raise the dead.
*Sly Marbo destroyed a titan by point his finger at it and yelling 'BANG!'
*A Commissar tried to execute Sly Marbo. The bolter round was so scared it backfired and shot the Commissar in the head instead.
*Sly Marbo uses a live Genestealer as a backscratcher.
*Sly Marbo can believe it's not butter.
*Sly Marbo shaves by punching himself in the face as they only thing that can cut Sly Marbo is Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo headbutted a Necron Monolith once, which made it instantly explode into millions of pieces, none of which self-repaired or teleported.
*Sly Marbo is the true king of Westeros.
*Sly Marbo trained Discord and Q out of boredom.
*Sly Marbo drinks distilled Warp.
*Sly Marbo once saw his life flash before his eyes, it was accredited as film of the millenium.
*People say Sly Marbo defies physics, but really physics just obey Sly Marbo.
*Chaos once fell to Sly Marbo.
*
*Sly Marbo taught [[Simo Hayha]]how to snipe.
*They say that there are only two ways to get the entire [[Deathwing]] company into a Mini Cooper, one is by telling them that [[Cypher]] is in the glovebox. Sly Marbo is the other one.
*Sly Marbo once fought Chuck Norris but you may know it as the [[Warp]].
*Sly Marbo is behind you right now.
*Sly Marbo once went back in time, during which, a hair fell off his chest. That hair grew up to be Teddy Roosevelt.
*Sly Marbo doesn't die from bullets, mainly because they are all scared shitless.
*The only time a lasgun is useful is when Sly Marbo uses it.
*Soaking a lasgun's power pack in Sly Marbo's sweat will give it Exterminatus-level power.
*Sly Marbo doesn't fail his Morale checks. He gets bored and wanders off. No one is brave/stupid enough to stop him.
*Sly Marbo never dies. He falls <s>asleep</s> waits in combat and no one dares to acknowledge his body.
*Sly Marbo had sex before his father.
*If Sly Marbo returned to Catachan, the planet would be reclassified from Death World to Peaceful World.
*The Fallen Angels are hiding from Sly Marbo.
*No Plasma weapon dares to overheat in Sly Marbo's hands.
*After Sly Marbo lands on a Plague Planet, the world is renamed Health Planet.
* Sly Marbo is the one who put Lord Tirek in Tartarus, then broke him out years later.
* Luna is not the best Princess, Marbo claims that title, and Luna.
* Sly Marbo is the Mighty Morphin White Ranger
* Sly Marbo Beat "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!" in a game of Warhammer 40k
* Sly Marbo once ate a bowl of Milk without any milk.
* Sly Marbo has banged Lilith Hesperax.
* Unicron fears Marbo, for he is the matrix.
* In America, Sly Marbo kills You. In Soviet Russia, Sly Marbo still kills You.
* Sly Marbo can '''''SHOOT WHILE MOVING!!'''''
* Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo only has one name: Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo's name is a killing sound
* There is an urban legend in the Guard that if you say Sly Marbo's name three times in front of a mirror, Sly Marbo will appear and slit your reflection's throat. This has never been confirmed, as nobody has ever survived saying Sly Marbo's name twice.
* The Emperor was created in 8000 BC when hundreds of shaman were packed into a Volkswagen by Sly Marbo.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo tried to break his previous packing people into a Volkswagen record using Eldar.
* The Astral Knights only managed to penetrate the World Engine's void shields because Sly Marbo gave them a push.
* Sly Marbo once gave the Blood Ravens a gift, but only because watching them fail to steal it from him stopped being funny.
* When Sly Marbo heard about Daemonic possession, he decided that it sounded like a challenge and went to the Eye of Terror to experience it first hand. However, he got bored after all the Daemons he forced himself into exploded before he could make them do stuff.
* Sly Marbo is a psyker so powerful, the Greeks had to invent a new alphabet to classify him.
* Sly Marbo taught Macgyver everything he knows, except how to kill.
* Dark Matter is incredibly difficult to detect because it has been hiding from Sly Marbo ever since he caused the Big Bang.
* The Big Crunch will never happen, because the Universe is desperately trying to run from Sly Marbo, thus exceeding the escape velocity.
* Sly Marbo has the only complete map of the Webway tattooed on his penis.
* Ships carrying Sly Marbo through the Warp only turn their Gellar fields on to protect the Warp from him.
* Sly Marbo can play Ride of the Valkyries on bagpipes
* Sly Marbo caught them all. Twice.
* Sly Marbo finished the Neverending Story.
* When Sly Marbo played Chaos Rising, there was no traitor.
* Sly Marbo can never have the Monster Hunter rule. They're too easy.
* Sly Marbo CAN assault a zooming flier.
* Demons disappear when Sly Marbo's around. He's not a Blank or anything, they just shit themselves when they realize he's there.
* A dying Necron Lord once told Marbo he'd be back. Marbo said No. He stayed dead.
* You never roll reserve for Sly Marbo. He shows up whenever he feels like it.
* Sly Marbo has beaten [[Dwarf Fortress|Dorf Fortress]].
* Asurmen taught Karandras how to fight. Sly Marbo taught him how to be sneaky. Living in perpetual fear for your life will do that.
* Jain Zar originally called her aspect the Banshees. One night with Sly Marbo and she just couldn't stop Howling though.
* Fuegan was inspired to create the Fire Dragons after Sly Marbo let him light his cigar.
* Sly Marbo outplayed an entire Noise Marine warband using only an air guitar. He then opened a Webway portal and left by playing Stairway to Heaven.
* Sly Marbo wondered what it would be like if everyone lived in medieval times. So he used some of the Old One's left over stuff and made Warhammer Fantasy.
* A Lord of Change once tried to make Sly Marbo less awesome. Tzeench caught wind of this and killed him. There are some things that can never change.
* Sly Marbo never accepts promotions. He's already everyones boss. He kills anyone who tries to give him one because if they don't know this they're too dumb to live.
* He gave his father "the talk"
* He once brought a knife to a gun fight... to even the odds
* His tree houses have fully furnished basements
* When Sly Marbo grabs the Blade of Antwyr it has to resist being possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo's favorite pet is named Ickle Snootums and follows his every command. Said pet is also a Greater Khornate Daemon.
* Sly Marbo wakes his alarm clock up in the morning
* A Genestealer tried to infect Sly Marbo, it went back to the brood and started a Sly Marbo cult.
* Sly Marbo disproved that you are what you eat. If it was true he would be Doom Breed.
* Sly Marbo skips over step one, two and three. He goes strait to profit.
* Sly Marbo calmed Khorne down, Made slaanesh chaste, gave Nurgle vaccines, made Tzeench forget his plan<s> and made the emprah worship chaos</s>. {{BLAM}}
* He {{BLAM}}s Commissars.
* Sly can describe the taste of water.
* Tyranids didn't eat the Squats, it was Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo went to khornes iron keep<s> and shook hands with tuska deamon killa</s> {{BLAM}}
* Khaine once tried to touch Sly Marbo, his hand is still bleeding to this day.
* Even [[Assholetep]] do not dare being an asshole with Sly Marbo.
* It is believed that Horus was slain by the Emperor, because that's what Dorn said. That's because Marbo left just after defeating the heretic, so Dorn never actually knew the truth.
* Sly Marbo is the only one who can defeat [[Chapter Master Smashfucker]] in 1 turn.
* Sly Marbo can smash titans with his balls.
* Sly Marbo doesn't mutate when he says Chaos Spa-'''BRLLBRBREBRBERBER'''
* Many people wishes for Sly Marbo to run for the position of High Lord of the Imperial Guard, even though that would be troublesome for the whole order giving thing.
* Sly Marbo doesn't require a laspistol to kill people. He simply needs to point at them with his finger and say "Bang!"
** Alternatively, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y| AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
* The '''MURDER SWORD''' is just Sly's old Boy Scout pocket knife.
* Pepperidge Farm doesn't remember Sly Marbo
* The Black Library? Sly Marbo used to go to there all the time during his childhood
* Sly Marbo is the one who knocks.
* The universe is expanding because it's trying to run away from Marbo
* Food getting into Sly Marbo's digestive system gets disintegrated immediately, thus he never uses a bathroom.
* Sly Marbo does not eat soup with a fork, he does so with a power sword thats on fire.
* The real reason for fall of the Eldar and the eye of terror creation was that the Khaine was stupid enough to challenge Marbo to a boxing match. The first punch caused the fall of the Eldar and ripped a whole in the fabric of reality.
* In fact Sly Marbo can take off of a planet or land without need the need for transportation. The reason he does not is because it's too loud and causes too much damage to the planet.
* Sly Marbo brings a knife to a Titan and Demons fight. Needless to say he still wins.
* When monsters go to bed, they check to see if Marbo is there. They never find him even if he is there.
* Sly Marbo became a Wulfen and got affected by the Black Rage, despite not been a Space Wolf or Blood Angel, and cured himself of both.
* Ghost took videos of marbo, and used the videos in a movie called "Sly Activity."
* Sly Marbo can say Beetle Jucie three times without Beetle Juice appearing. Beetle juice sa- oh fuck.
* As my the previous editor was saying, Beetle Juice says Sly Marbo three times.
* Cocaine gets addicted to Sly Marbo.
*SLY MARBO MAY BE THE REASON THERE AREN'T ANY DOLPHINS LEFT.
*SLY MARBO IS [[Alpharius|ALPHARIUS]]
* SLY MARBO STEALS THINGS FROM THE BLOOD RAVENS.
* Sly Marbo WILL fuck your mom.
* On a visit to Terra, Marbo sneezed. The Primarchs were blown across the galaxy as a result, forcing the Emperor to begin the Great Crusade to search for them.
* Sly Marbo banged all the chicks from DC and Marvel. Even Squirrel Girl couldn't win that one.
* Sly forced Mephisto to blow him while he was burning Peter Parker and Mary Janes contract of them losing their marriage with his cigar.
* Superman says this looks like a job for Sly Marbo when even he can't save the day.
* The Bat Signal changes into Sly's FUCKHUEG sniper to call him when Batman needs some R&R.
* Sly Marbo is Uncle Ben as a young dude.
* Aunt May is the only woman who is capable of handling Sly Marbo in bed, making her the Sly Marbo of women.
* Sly Marbo wants Peter Parker to stop being a bitch and get his marriage back by force, starting by squaring up on Mephisto's bitchass.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
image:Sly Marbo.jpg|Mini in action.
</gallery>

{{IG-Characters}}

Sly Marbo

2016-08-04T18:44:15Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36:

[[Image:Sly Marbo Art.jpg|frame|It's a motherfuckin' lead farm!]]
This video will tell you everything there is on the image of Sly Marbo:[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y]

Sly Marbo (A.K.A Rip-Off of Rambo, The One-Man Army, Chuck Norris/Sylvester Stallone made grimdark) is a renowned Catachan Jungle Fighter, however, he operates separately from other Catachan units as he's a lone wolf almost all the time.

==Marbo in Game==

Marbo WAS an elite unit choice for the [[Imperial Guard]] rather than an HQ (as is the case with most special characters), which makes sense because he's an operative, not a commander. He costs the bitchin' low amount of 65 points (so the same as a 10 man squad of Guardsmen with grenade launcher and power weapon). Marbo also carries a Demo charge around with him so when he's deployed onto the field from reserves, he drops a S8/AP2 pieplate of death that's designed to ruin some squad's day anywhere on the map, after that he pretty much plays out like a regular unit (except he is alone and far less effective than an entire unit of most things).

Marbo, if you strike him into enemy lines, will inevitably die because your opponent will really want him dead due to the threat he poses against infantry. Marbo, however, IS the shit. All of his weapons are 2+ poisoned, he's pretty good at assault and shooting (although his shooting attack is somewhat short ranged, so you're better off charging the enemy lines) and will invariably wreck some expensive squad's day before he dies a glorious death, assuming he gets close. If he ever DOES die, reality will stop for a brief moment and The Emprah will be heard to shout "What's wrong? Sly? Sly? SLYYYYYYYY!"

Then He'll lock Himself in His room and cry for three days and three nights.

==Marbo in Novel==
Marbo appeared in the novel Deathworld. In the novel, the main characters, though in a squad of 10, were already having trouble surviving the planet and its life. It was made impossible to fall asleep and wake up (because you'd already be dead!) without someone keeping watch over you. How the hell then did Sly Marbo do it? Nobody really knows, maybe it's because of the facts below. In fact, he is one of the most poorly developed characters in the entire 40k history; some speculate that he is on par with Boreale and Carron. And in the Codex the little that is mentioned of him makes him out to be even more of a badass; he is known to have been awarded multiple Stars of Terra (the highest military award in the Imperium), so many in fact that he stopped caring and needed someone else to hold them for him.

==Death of a Hero==
According to the new codex, he isn't listed anymore (rumored due to ultra marine fans bitching) . Then again a lot of things are changing, so we might see his return in a small offshoot book or support text. Pray to your gods for the return of Marbo. The Emperor protects.

== Sly Marbo Facts ==
(Note: Try to place as many facts as you can)
*Sly Marbo is once beaten Chuck Norris in duel of the beards and got him sucked out of the universe
*Sly Marbo is the oldest being in the universe as he killed everything else. So when he created the chaos gods they were so afraid of him they created their own dimension to flee from him. They think they are safe from Sly Marbo but the truth is they are not.
*Sly Marbo is not actually silent, but is actually screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA". The only reason why people cannot hear him is because only the most badass people to exist can hear it, which is why the emprah has a single continuous headache on the golden throne.
*Sly Marbo is never added to an army. Army lists are added to Sly Marbo. Watch here for the reversed demonstration: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYfCb8D1JVo]
*[[Exterminatus]] destroys planets. Sly Marbo destroys segmenta.
*Sly Marbo can and will single-handedly destroy the Tyranids. By '''looking''' at them.
*Sly Marbo models assemble and paint themselves.
*Sly Marbo does not sleep, he waits.
*Sly Marbo slayed all the Dark Eldar by himself and yelled out his mighty AAAAAAAAAAAAAA to free all of the captives from their cages. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y]
*Sly Marbo goes to war waitwalking.
*Sly Marbo is the reason the Void Dragon is hiding.
*Sly Marbo scares the living shit out of all the Ordo Malleus, Ordo Hereticus, and Ordo Xenos put together.
*Sly Marbo passes any characteristic test he is required to take including Toughness, Leadership, STD, Genetic, Initiative, and Paternity.
*[[Abaddon]] stole the planet killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside.
*In Dawn of War 2: Retribution, Tyranid ending, the swarm strips all life from subsector Aurelia. Well, 99.999% of it; Marbo is still there.
*Sly Marbo's mini was once used in Dungeons and Dragons. His player killed the Dungeon Master. And then got killed by the Sly Marbo mini.
*In the movement phase, Sly Marbo remains stationary and moves the gaming table 6" in any direction.
*Lightsabers are powered by Marbo's toenail clippings.
*Sly Marbo once fought Nurgle and changed him into a flower.
*When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo.
*They developed a new branch of the Inquisition specifically for Marbo - Ordo Marbicus.
*Sly Marbo killed Batman's parents.
*Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy [[Leman Russ]] is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
*The [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] isn't on the Golden Throne, he just left a dummy there to keep Marbo off his trail. Marbo's not fooled.
*The Grim Reaper doesn't come for Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo comes for the Grim Reaper.
*Sly Marbo has two speeds, Stalk and Exterminatus.
*If Marbo's demo charge scatters back on him, he kicks the template back so that it lands on the enemy general.
*The Emperor quit the crusade because Sly told him to.
*Sly isn't the missing [[Primarch]]. He is the entire Missing Legion!
*Sly Marbo really loves kittens and puppies. He thinks they're best served rare.
*Sly Marbo never washes. Dirt is too afraid to touch him.
*Sly Marbo ALWAYS eats soup with a fork.
*Sly Marbo eats Tyranid Rippers for breakfast. Without any milk.
*When MC Hammer is around, it's Hammertime. When Marbo is around, you know poor MC will never be back.
* Jesus can walk on water. Marbo can swim through solid rock.
* Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo gets discounts from Games Workshop.
* Sly Marbo's paints thin themselves.
* Sly Marbo looks good in parachute pants.
* Sly Marbo once looked into the Eye of Terror. It looked away.
* Medusa turned to stone when she made eye contact with Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo helped Chris-chan get china.
* Sly Marbo can touch this.
* Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
* Sly Marbo made [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]'s spare camo cloak out of fibers from his own chest hair.
* Sly Marbo doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
* Sly Marbo has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a little jar next to his bed. Don't worry; it was an ''evil'' child that had killed its parents.
* Sly Marbo stole my heart. I think he ate it.
* Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a pillow under his gun.
* Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
* Sly Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp.
* It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back The Emperor. Sadly, Marbo never cries and never will.
* Sly Marbo does not sweat from his eyes. Nothing escapes those soulless pits.
* Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fire his weapon, it's just that the ammo inside his gun is scared and fires itself.
* Krieg was never purged by the Death Korps. Marbo just ate too many beans.
* SLY MARBO MADE THE GOLDEN THRONE, THE GAUNTLETS OF ULTRMAR AND THE IMPERIAL PALACE ON TERRA <strike>BUT LOST THEM IN A POKER GAME
AGAINST THE SLANN</strike>. THAT'S WHY THEY'RE NOT HERE ANY MORE. HE GOT THEM.
* Sly Marbo can beat a royal flush with a high card 7
* The Death Star didn't fire lasers, it fired Marbo's fist.
* Grievous isn't wheezing because of a force attack, he just inhaled pure Sly Marbo particles and couldn't handle the awesome.
* The [[Tyranid]]s actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Mr. Popo. What they don't realize, however, is that Popo, in a classic pincer maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
* The [[C'tan|Nightbringer]] doesn't go outside at night because he's worried that Sly Marbo is waiting for him.
* A Lictor bit Sly Marbo and after 2 weeks of pain and agony the Lictor died.
* It's enough for Sly Marbo to just glance upon you, for you to feel your ass get ripped in two.
* Sly Marbo isn't addicted to lho sticks, lho sticks are addicted to Sly Marbo.
* Techpriests aren't looking for STCs, they're looking for the sacred atoms of metal that came off Sly Marbo's junk that power them.
* Most Vindicare Assassins want to grow up to be just like Sly Marbo, most however grow up to be killed by him.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo punched a star with his bare fist.
* Sly Marbo allows the Emperor to borrow his Golden Throne.
* Sly Marbo <s>once</s> twice conquered the whole Ultima Segmentum.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fear Nurgle's rot, Nurgle's rot fears Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo let the dogs out.
* Sly Marbo beat [[Marneus Calgar|Papa smurf]] in arm wrestling using his little finger.
* Even the [[Angry Marines]] are scared of Marbo. Even their chapter master: Temperus Maximum, can't curse or even look at him with the slightest bit of anger.
* A [[Bloodthirster]] once challenged Sly Marbo. The experience was so traumatizing that it has refused to manifest into realspace since he fears being in the same plane of existence as Marbo.
* [[Konrad Curze]] wasn't killed by a Callidus Assassin, Marbo just dropped by and kicked him in the happy sack so hard that he hasn't gotten up to this day. The Imperium just used the Assassin as a cover story to make it look like the Assassinorum still has its uses.
* [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I mindfucked an Eldar Farseer with my non-psychic mind" Straken]], and Sly Marbo regularly get together for poker night in a secret dimension which only pure essences of awesome may visit. [[Creed]] doesn't get invited because nobody likes it when a stack of ordinary poker chips turns out to be a squadron of [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Leman Russ Demolishers]], just lying in wait.
* Sly Marbo can beat a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers with a High Card 7
* When Marbo fails his armor or invulnerable save, the one who caused it gets the wound.
* Sly Marbo stared into [[Slaanesh]] him/her/itself, Slaanesh later lost his/her/it's soul to Marbo.
* Sly Marbo took a stroll through the Gardens of [[Nurgle]], it became disease free after he left.
* Sly Marbo gave [[Nurgle]] the clap.
* Sly Marbo got into [[Tzeentch]]'s forbidden library, blindfolded, in just 5 seconds. And only because he gave the library a 4.5 second head start.
* [[Khorne]] didn't cause the endless chasm in his brass citadel out of rage, Marbo just put his foot down in front of Khorne's throne.
* Sly Marbo once gave a riddle to the [[C'tan|Deceiver]], which the Deceiver still haven't solved.
* [[Khaine|Khaela Mensha Khaine]] only shattered into a bajillion pieces after Marbo punched him in the gut.
* [[Horus]] is said to have killed [[Sanguinius]] because the Angel was tired from battle. That battle was losing an arm wrestling match with Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo could heal [[Roboute Guilliman]] and [[Lion El'Jonson]]. Experience has just taught him they won't be awesome enough to receive it.
*[[Lorgar]] is said to be on Sicarius communing with the [[Chaos Gods]]. He's really just trying to hide from Sly Marbo.
*[[Logan Grimnar]] once challenged Sly Marbo to a drinking contest. The Great Wolf fell into a coma trying to beat Marbo. As punishment, Logan must now ride a pretty little sleigh dragged by wolves.
*[[Dante]]'s Death Mask curses anyone who looks at him. He's terrified of what will happen if he looks at Sly Marbo while wearing it.
*[[Eldrad]] takes everything into account when making a plan. Sly Marbo is the one unpredictable factor.
*Sly Marbo once banished an entire daemonic horde by giving it a mean look.
*Marbo once dueled an [[Eversor]] assassin in close combat, he managed to literally rip the assassin in half with his bare hands and end the fight in just 10 seconds flat.
*Whenever Marbo spits at someone, his spit turns into a plasma bolt. Whenever he fails his "Gets Hot" roll, the one he spat at explodes. (Note: Sly Marbo never fails any rolls unless he chooses to do so.)
*Sly Marbo pisses melta fire.
*Marbo can be an Ultramarine, but hates them anyway, so he doesn't care.
*The [[Administratum]] once attempted to impose a higher tithe on Catachan. Sly Marbo was sent to deliver their counteroffer. The Administratum quickly lowered Catachan's tithe.
*A Miral land shark once tried to ambush Marbo like Straken, the land shark's teeth shattered and died the second after it bit Marbo.
*Sly Marbo makes Khorne Berzerkers take morale checks and makes them squeal like little girls when they see him.
*Marbo once defeated Tzeentch in a chess game..... with just 3 moves.
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] is actually Marbo is disguise, he just assumes this form to troll fa/tg/uys for fun.
*Sly Marbo is the reason the Emprah is on the Golden Throne.
*Marbo once killed a Hierophant bio-titan by bitch-slapping it in the face, he then killed the entire brood of Tyranids following it by ripping-off one of the dead Hierophant's scything talons and using it as his own melee weapon.
*[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] is said to have left the Third War for Armageddon because he got bored. He really left because he learned Sly Marbo was coming.
*Sly Marbo once cut himself to see what all the fuss was about. The resulting blood formed into [[Ollanius Pius]].
*Sly Marbo's sweat is what poison lines his weapon.
*Orks wear Gork and Mork pajamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pajamas.
*Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
*A Daemon Prince once saved a Cadian regiment from Necrons; the Guardsmen were baffled until they realized the daemon had been possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo can kick [[Sisters of Battle|a Bolter Bitch]] to the balls.
*The [[Crimson Fists]] got their name after Sly Marbo played bloody knuckles with [[Pedro Kantor]].
*Sly Marbo once took Moondrakken for a joyride. He brought it back with all the radio presets changed and the seat readjusted. Kor'sarro Khan didn't dare complain.
*The [[Salamanders]] hold that [[Vulkan]] will return when they collect all nine of his sacred artifacts. So far they've recovered five. Sly Marbo has not seen fit to return the other four.
*Marbo once ate a [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]. He thought it was bland.
*Sly Marbo once broke the battlements of Medrengard in an hour.
*Sly Marbo was once on a planet subjected to virus bombing. Sly Marbo's immune system killed the viruses before they infected him. And then his immune system killed everyone else on the planet.
*Sly Marbo once looked into the Eye of Terror. They say a Chaos God looked back at him. Sly then went into the Eye of Terror to beat it senseless for looking at him funny.
*Sly Marbo taught tactics to - wait, what's that Titan doing there?
[[Creed|"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED"]]
*Sly Marbo can strangle you with a cordless Vox.
*Sly Marbo is the GOD DAMN BATMAN!
*Sly Marbo will never, ever say "GO! Get to the Chopper!" That's the kind of thing a neckbeard says.
*Sly Marbo has constipation issues, because he knows his feces could be used to track him in the field.
*Sly Marbo refused to be hidden in plain sight by CREED. He called Creed "A cheap man's Copperfield".
*[[Indrick Boreale]] once spoke Sly Marbo's name and the sheer awesomeness fixed his speech impediment.
*A greater Daemon once possessed Sly Marbo… No one knows what happened to it.
*Sly Marbo doesn't need meltabombs. He just pisses on a tank and it explodes.
*The Necrons went into stasis because Marbo was killing everything else.
*Any time a Farseer says "Just as planned", Marbo will be standing behind them with murder in his eyes.
*Marbo can murder with his eyeballs.
*Sly Marbo's favorite sandwich is a Catachan Barking Toad between two meltabombs.
*Sly Marbo is the stig.
*Sly Marbo's glare is treated as a Plasma Blastgun With the rate of fire of a punisher Gatling Cannon
*Kharn The Betrayer once fought Marbo. Kharn was found embedded in the hull of an orbiting starship. He took the defeat pretty well.
*Plasma weapons use a synthetic form of Marbo's testosterone. In its natural state it is white-hot and obliterates everything it touches.
*Sly Marbo does not and never has owned a machete. That's just his arm hair.
*Sly Marbo once had intestinal parasites. Once he shat them out they became known as Catachan Devils.
*Marbo once allowed a Guard player to use his mini, the Necron player he fought wasn't allowed to take Reanimation Protocol rolls, the Tau player he fought got into melee and the Daemon player he fought tried and failed to dance An'ggrath around the map out of Marbo's reach.
*When the emperor was finally re-awoken, he rose and said, "I am the god emperor of mankind. Who dared to wake m- Oh... It is you my master."
*Slaanesh needs to masturbate every time Sly Marbo kills a [[Carnifex]]. Chaos Realm suffers chronic floodings.
*Sly Marbo stole the Blood Raven's home planet.
*Creed played chess with Tzeentch and won. Sly Marbo played chess with Chaos Undivided and it ended in a draw, but the four gods were so scared that they refused to play when Marbo asked for a rematch.
*Sly Marbo's internet seems slow. That's just because he's faster than it.
*Sly Marbo gives out a special rule... Feel MORE Pain.
*The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard, Sly Marbo was already there.
*Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
*If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
*You are only alive because Sly Marbo is too busy Stirring Coals with his Penis to kill you.
*Sly Marbo can drown a fish.
*Sly Marbo simply walks into Mordor.
*A Lictor once tried to ambush Sly Marbo while he was waiting; it did not expect Marbo to ambush it while ambushing him.
*The poisons on Marbo's rounds and knife is actually made from his sweat and it's the only poison that even Nurgle daemons cannot resist.
*Marbo can seduce Slaaneshi [[Daemonettes]] at will. After they do they dirty, Sly doesn't have to kill them because they're already dead from ecstasy (and not the drug).
*After Sly Marbo killed a Tyranid swarm out of boredom, the Swarmlord was deployed to kill Marbo. After six months of trying (and dying), the Swarmlord finally gave up and stopped reincarnating.
*Sly Marbo’s testicles are of such might they ignore armor saves in close combat.
*The only reason Sly Marbo isn't a primarch is because it would be a demotion. The same with being a Daemon Prince.
*Khorne used to have a gold pedestal just for Marbo's skull. He has since melted it down and sold it at a Cash-4-Gold shop.
*When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. When Sly Marbo stares into the abyss, the abyss averts its gaze to the left.
*Sly Marbo bowls overhand.
*When Sly Marbo has to stitch up a deep gash, he doesn't use a needle and thread, he uses a tent spike and bailing wire.
*Trayzn's 'hood' is a neck brace. Marbo effortlessly sniffed out the real Trazyn and ripped his spine out. Trayzn still hasn't gotten it back.
*Sly Marbo is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
*Sly Marbo once snuck up on [[Lucius]] the Eternal and slit his throat from behind. Lucius was unable to possess him, as Sly Marbo's thirst for killing can never be satisfied.
*Sly Marbo once got into a theological debate with [[Erebus]], and pointed out thirty-nine logical fallacies in the Book of Lorgar, which Erebus was unable to explain. And that's why Catachan will never have door-to-door Word Bearers appear in the system ever again.
*During the Battle of Calth, Roboute Guilliman ripped out [[Kor Phaeron]]'s heart. Upon reading this at the schola, Sly Marbo traveled back in time to the [[Horus Heresy]], where he ripped out Kor Phaeron's spine and beat Guilliman senseless with it.
*[[Huron Blackheart]] once lead the [[Red Corsairs]] in a raid on Catachan. For their foolishness, Sly Marbo proceeded to raid the [[Maelstrom]] of ... well, everything. "But he can't-" Yes he can.
*SLY MARBO OWNS THE ONLY COPY OF WARHAMMER FANTASY NINTH EDITION. HE'S GOT A SILVER GOLDEN DEMON TROPHY FOR HIS CLANRATS.
*[[Darnath Lysander]] once struck Sly Marbo with the "Hammer of Dorn". Not only did the Hammer break on impact with Marbo, but so did Lysander's storm shield, Terminator armor, and pride.
*Sly Marbo once hugged [[Typhus]]. Not only did he remain clean of disease, but his sweat infected the Destroyer Plague in Typhus's body. It would have killed him if Sly Marbo didn't beat Typhus to death with his own Manreaper first.
*The Adeptus Mechanicus once dug deep underground in an attempt to find a [[Necron]] tomb. They found Sly Marbo instead, ruining his power <s>nap</s> wait. By the end of the day the entire ''star system'' was devoid of all life.
*The Gellar field around Sly Marbo’s ship isn't generated by the ship to keep the people on board safe from the warp. It’s generated by the warp to keep the demons safe from Sly Marbo.
*The Emperor might be able to walk on water but sly Marbo can swim through land.
*Why did the Necrons really go into stasis? They all dug their own graves when they heard sly Marbo was coming.
*The reason Malal/Malice is no longer mentioned in Canon is because he ran afoul of Sly Marbo.
*The Outsider would actually really like to come back to our galaxy, except he knows Sly Marbo is waiting for him.
*When the Space Marines are in trouble the Legion of the Damned come to their rescue. When the Legion of the Damned are in trouble, Sly Marbo arrives.
*Roboute Guilliman weeps every day in his stasis field for deep down he knows that he will never be Sly Marbo.
*Contrary to popular belief, Doombreed is not camera shy, it’s just that he foolishly thinks Sly Marbo doesn't know what he looks like, and Doombreed intends to keep it that way.
*Sly Marbo won a staring contest with Mephiston.
*Nemesis [[Dreadknights]] are believed to be ancient pieces of xenos tech; they're actually Sly Marbo's childhood toys.
*Marbo once broke an Eldar soulstone but Slaanesh got nothing because he grabbed the soul first. He's still got it on him.
*Contrary to popular belief, it is unknown if Sly Marbo is bulletproof. Whenever someone fires at him, the bullet/bolt/plasma/las/shuriken stops twenty centimeters from Marbo, turns 180 degrees, and hits the person who fired the shot.
*Sly Marbo controls all of [[Games Workshop]]'s prices. He's just waiting for the right time to lower them.
*Being headbutted by Ghazghkull is like being struck by a mag-train, being poked by Sly Marbo is like being smacked by an Imperator class titan.
*The Adeptus Mechanicus is looking for the STCs. Marbo has most of them in a flash drive that the AdMech knows about but doesn't dare lay claim to it.
*Sly Marbo is the one person [[Alpharius|Alpharius]] never confuses. EVER.
*He knows where all the Tomb Worlds are. This is because he destroyed most of them.
*Sly Marbo takes on [[Genestealers]] in close combat for fun.
*Sly Marbo uses his Uplifting Primer as toilet paper. No commissar would dare execute him for this. [[Commissar Yarrick|(well, with possibly one exception....)]]
*The [[Dark Eldar]] didn't know what pain was until they met Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo Deep Strikes, everything else has to roll scatter die, including the terrain itself.
*A Tau Ethereal can order entire Cadres to commit mass suicide. Marbo can make entire Tau planets kill themselves by looking at them funny.
*Sly Marbo once took on two Stompas in a no DQ one-on-tag handicap match with one arm tied behind his back. Records are scarce, but according to eyewitness reports he German suplexed them both for three hours straight before getting bored and wandering off to find a Mega Gargant to fight.
*The Kroot once conspired a plan to eat Sly Marbo and use his DNA to create perfect Kroot warriors. Marbo fried them in batter and sprinkled them with eleven herbs and spices, never revealing what the eleventh one was (but the first ten herbs and spices were all steak).
*Marbo only ever eats slow-roasted Carnifexes (over an open fire, with a sprinkling of Catachan Bloodvenom Juice).
*Sly Marbo doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the planet down.
*What colour is Sly Marbo's blood? TRICK QUESTION - Sly Marbo doesn't bleed!
*Sly Marbo never takes his Feel No Pain roll. He doesn't understand what this "pain" issue is everyone else is struggling with.
*Sly Marbo is the original owner of Blood Reaver, [[Flesh Tearers|Gabriel Seth's]] chainsword. Sly Marbo used it as a toothbrush, but it wasn't powerful enough so he let Seth borrow it.
*Sly Marbo stuffed his mattress with those 100 missing [[Baneblade|Baneblades]]. It's still too soft for him.
*Sly Marbo doesn't kill everything in the galaxy because it's funny watching them try to kill him.
*Sly Marbo can fold a bowling ball in half.
*Sly Marbo once entered a Dark Angels rap battle. All who witnessed his mad skills on the mic perished. The only reason his opponent survived is because he ran as soon as he heard Sly Marbo's first breath into the mic.
*Dark Eldar aren't hiding from Slaanesh in the webway, they're hiding from Sly Marbo.
*Marbo never dies, he just wants to be a good sport and let them win.
*Marbo once challenged [[Castor|Lord General Castor]] to a duel to see which could slay a Carnifex first. Marbo lost, but only because he spent the last few seconds of his kill's life taunting it.
*Emperor is actually Sly Marbo in disguise.
*Sly Marbo is the Angry Marines primarch.
*Sly Marbo once bro-fisted a Imperator Titan. All that remains of said titan was the hellstorm cannon on Kronus.
*Khorne spills blood for Sly Marbo.
*Every Sister of Battle is crazy with lust for Marbo. He doesn't take advantage of that because he's a gentleman. Banging even one of them would get the rest of the Sororitas in that order pregnant; and no woman in the galaxy has a womb strong enough to bear his children (except [[Samus]]).
*Sly Marbo can "out-CREEEEEED!" Creed; Marbo lets Creed do it when he can't be bothered to himself.
*The Hive Mind of the Tyranids drives people insane because IT is insane too. Said insanity came about when Marbo let it psychically touch his mind.
*Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one. (And I can too... OH SHIT! FTHWREGWARBLBLBLBL...)
*Sly Marbo is Roboute Guilliman's [[Spiritual Liege]].
*Sly Marbo is America and so can you.
*A necron lord once shot Marbo in the knee with a tachyron arrow, but Marbo was unhurt because his body is STRONGER THAN ANY MATTER.
*Sly Marbo doesn't steal the initiative, the initiative is given to him.
*Sly Marbo powers the Morphin' Grid.
*Princess Celestia fears the day Marbo Visits Equestria.
*I was once a Guardsman like you, but then I took a Sly Marbo to the knee.
*Sly Marbo is the reason [[Matthew Ward]] quit working at Games Workshop. Now that he's gone, Marbo's planning on tormenting that [[Robin Cruddace]] prick next...
*The only way to banish Sly Marbo is to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
*He got his own squad after what happened last night.
*Sly Marbo is the one who killed Zordon! Andros was a cover story.
*Sly Marbo stalks Slenderman.
*Supernovae don't exist, it is just Sly Marbo's farts.
*The Celestial Orrery is actually one of Sly Marbo's kidney stones.
*Sly Marbo was once shot by a Nova Cannon before, after the devastating explosion, the Nova Cannon as well as the entire Imperial Navy in the sector died.
*A prophecy was announced recently in the Imperium, if Sly Marbo, [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "My bionic fists can bitch-slap Titans for Tuesday" Straken]], [[Creed]], [[Commissar Ciaphas Cain]], [[Commissar Holt]], [[Commissar Fucklaw]], [[Commissar Yarrick]], [[Sturnn|General Sturnn]], [[Merrick]], [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Castor|Lord General Castor]] and [[Ollanius Pius]] ever teamed up, they would destroy all four Chaos Gods, shatter reality and break open the fourth-wall while punching you in the face as an extra measure (You will be honored if you WERE punched in the face by these guys, admit it, you know it will be true).
*Sly Marbo is secretly the Six Samurai.
*Sly Marbo once peed into the oil tank of a truck, that truck was then used as inspiration to make the baneblade.
*Sly Marbo beat Slaanesh and Doomrider in a cocaine and orgy competition while <s>sleeping</s> waiting.
*Sly Marbo is so stealthy he even gets past Spider-Man's spider sense and Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense!!
*Sly Marbo once built a robot. That robot is known as the Void Dragon.
*Sly Marbo once banished Skarbrand back to the Warp.
*Sly Marbo is actually THE Dragonborn.
*Sly Marbo turned my Battle Brother into [[Chaos Spawn| the creature that shall not be named.]]
*Sly Marbo occasionally indulges himself in a grilled cheese after he is done bitch-slapping Rowboat Jellyfan with his ceramite balls.
*Sly Marbo once almost made a Chuck Norris joke, but then didn't because [[JUST AS PLANNED|Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny]].
*When Sly Marbo builds models, he is really building the Mechanicus' Imperator Titans.
*Sly Marbo actually shits out Demolisher Shells.
*Sly Marbo broke into the Black library, told Cegorach how to actually be funny, and then punched Ahriman in the face. <s>Did I mention he was high after out cocaining Doomrider? No? Well he had</s> No drug is powerful enough to get Sly Marbo high.
*Sly Marbo has turned many an Ultramarine into a heretic. His manly jawline, well defined biceps, and thousand yard stare seem to have found a trait not previously noted from their geneseed. That is, to put it simply: Sly Marbo turns Ultramarines gay.
*While anyone else chews tobacco, Sly Marbo chews glass.
*<strike>Think Bella's love for Edward multiplied by over 9,000. that is how much Marbo loves to make up facts about himself.</strike>{{BLAM}}
*Sly Marbo is deadly to vampires, werewolves, zombies and any other undead. And regular dead. And not dead.
*Sly Marbo won the game.
*[[Gabriel Seth]] was in a brawl with Marbo, when Emperor knows how, he found an opening in his guard and tried to kick him in the balls. Not only did he break a leg in an attempt, Marbo was so pissed off that most of the Flesh Tearers are now overcome with black rage .
*Sly Marbo once stopped a [[Black Crusade]] by tricking the Chaos Lord leading it into saying "You and what Hulk?" Said Chaos Lord and his warband were then crushed by a [[Space Hulk]] thrown at them by the Incredible Hulk( who was really sly marbo wearing green paint).
*The Emprah's stats are all E. Sly Marbo's stats are all E^E.
*Sly Marbo once visited the Warhammer World a long time ago; this event is known to us as the coming of the Old Ones.
*Sly Marbo is never cut from a Codex - he just chooses to go back into the shadows to stalk you.
*It's said that Bjorn the Fell-Handed is the oldest Space Marine. Marbo was his babysitter.
*Trazyn has to change his collection every century or so because Marbo keeps asking for his toys back.
*Sly Marbo knows EXACTLY where Carmen Sandiego is. (Spoilers, he killed her)
*Sly Marbo knows where you're not; safe.
*The Emperor kneels before no man. But then again, calling Marbo a man is hardly fair.
*The Primarchs were just Marbo playing fancy dresses.
*The Primarchs weren't stolen by chaos, they were running from their grandfather - Sly Marbo.
*Rumor has it that the reason Sly Marbo isn't in the AM Codex is because he'll get his own multi-part E-Codex just to describe his countless acts of MANLINESS. He will also count as his own army.
*Sly Marbo once had an arm wrestling match with [[Abbadon]], with the loser's arms as the bet. Abby lost that match, and his arms.
*Sly IS Adventure Time!
*<s>Sly Marbo knows what the fox says....[[Furry|yiff]]</s> {{BLAM}}
*Sly Marbo's section was removed from the codex in a vain attempt by Games Workshop to delay his wrath for their many sins against the Guard. They have failed.
*Sly Marbo ate Schrodinger's Cat, while it was both dead and alive.
*Sly Marbo sheds his skin every month. He hands the skin over to the Adeptus Mechanicus, who then use it to reinforce suits of Tartaros-pattern [[Terminator]] armour. It is assumed that most of these are in the possession of the [[Minotaurs]].
*Sly Marbo has enough dakka.
*Sly Marbo has never killed a man. He just beats them so bad they are turned to little girls before they die.
*Sly Marbo is the name of [[Doctor Who|the Doctor]].
*The spaceballs brake for nobody. Except Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo expects the Spanish Inquisition.
*Sly Marbo is the reason thehub network is changing its name to Discovery Family.
*Sly Marbo is Leman Russ.
*Sly Marbo was the one who build a text to speech device for the EMPRAH.
*<strike> Sly Marbo programmed the animatronics to kill any fool that takes the security job at Freddy's Pizza. </strike> {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|Heresy!}}
*The reason why Sly Marbo isn't in the 6th Edition Codex, he decided to go on an under cover mission to stop the Chaos and Xenos forces from taking over [[Warhammer 40,000: Eternal Crusade|Arkhona.]]
*Marbo once banged a Dominatrix and the product was the Swarmlord.
*Sly Marbo looked straight at SCP-096's face, blinked while staring at SCP-173, and insulted SCP-076 in front of the entire SCP Foundation. None of the fuckers dared to make a move.
*Sly Marbo released Half Life 3.
*Sly Marbo beat Doomrider in a crack-snorting contest.
*Sly Marbo can out-transform Optimus Prime.
*Sly Marbo talks about Fight Club.
*Sly Marbo has a pet Carnifex called cuddles, although most know him as Old One Eye.
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] isn't trapped in the warp. He's hiding from Marbo.
*Black holes are created when Sly Marbo rips his way into our universe; the universe is too scared to seal the breaches.
*Sly Marbo can outsmart bullets.
*Sly Marbo's eyes made flamethrowers obsolete.
*Jesus Christ saves souls. Sly Marbo saves everything else.
*Sly Marbo can slam a revolving door.
*Death had a near-Sly Marbo experience.
*Sly Marbo will never get a heart attack. His heart isn't stupid enough to attack him.
*There is no Theory of Evolution. Just a list of animals Sly Marbo allows to live.
*Sly Marbo flashed before Life's eyes.
*Sly Marbo doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.
*Sly Marbo's favorite color is blood.
*Sly Marbo is the one who touched the Heavy's gun.
*Sly Marbo can smack air.
*Sly Marbo solved Imotekh's favorite Tessaract Labyrinth with an abacus.
*Sly Marbo shot a man with a knife.
*I don't know what the big deal is about a fictional Rambo rip-off. Now if you'll excuse me, someone's at my front door.
*Sly Marbo can divide by zero.
*Sly Marbo protects his air bags in car accidents.
*One of Sly Marbo's discarded fingernails fell into the real world from the Warp. It reformatted into Audie Murphy.
*The Alpha Legion's original name was actually the Beta Legion. Sly decided to be nice and let them take his Legion's name (said Legion consisted of himself and a [[Laspistol]]).
*When Spartans go MIA, they're really running away, scared and ashamed that they dared fail Sly Marbo.
*Commander [[Farsight]] found one of Sly's discarded dinner knifes on a planet that he had a picnic on. Said knife was the Dawn Blade, and the previously verdant and inhabited world became a dead world after what Sly did after lunch.
*The only reason SAXTON HALE!!! is in charge of [[Hats|Mann Co.]] is because Sly Marbo isn't interested in such a pathetic company.
*Sly Marbo is the only person EVER to have heard both Gordon Freeman and Chell speak.
*Sly Marbo once ran a 0-second mile. Than did it again, just to piss off physics.
*Sly Marbo went back in time and had sex with an Eldar Farseer. A combination of overwhelming pleasure, Sly Marbo's jizz changed her... today, she is known as [[Slaanesh]].
*All the skulls in Khorne's realm actually belong to Sly Marbo. Khorne just minds them for him.
*The reason the Eldar Phoenix Lords are immortal is truly because Sly Marbo finds them tolerable enough to keep alive; whenever one dies he performs CPR, as CPR from Sly Marbo can raise the dead.
*Sly Marbo destroyed a titan by point his finger at it and yelling 'BANG!'
*A Commissar tried to execute Sly Marbo. The bolter round was so scared it backfired and shot the Commissar in the head instead.
*Sly Marbo uses a live Genestealer as a backscratcher.
*Sly Marbo can believe it's not butter.
*Sly Marbo shaves by punching himself in the face as they only thing that can cut Sly Marbo is Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo headbutted a Necron Monolith once, which made it instantly explode into millions of pieces, none of which self-repaired or teleported.
*Sly Marbo is the true king of Westeros.
*Sly Marbo trained Discord and Q out of boredom.
*Sly Marbo drinks distilled Warp.
*Sly Marbo once saw his life flash before his eyes, it was accredited as film of the millenium.
*People say Sly Marbo defies physics, but really physics just obey Sly Marbo.
*Chaos once fell to Sly Marbo.
*
*Sly Marbo taught [[Simo Hayha]]how to snipe.
*They say that there are only two ways to get the entire [[Deathwing]] company into a Mini Cooper, one is by telling them that [[Cypher]] is in the glovebox. Sly Marbo is the other one.
*Sly Marbo once fought Chuck Norris but you may know it as the [[Warp]].
*Sly Marbo is behind you right now.
*Sly Marbo once went back in time, during which, a hair fell off his chest. That hair grew up to be Teddy Roosevelt.
*Sly Marbo doesn't die from bullets, mainly because they are all scared shitless.
*The only time a lasgun is useful is when Sly Marbo uses it.
*Soaking a lasgun's power pack in Sly Marbo's sweat will give it Exterminatus-level power.
*Sly Marbo doesn't fail his Morale checks. He gets bored and wanders off. No one is brave/stupid enough to stop him.
*Sly Marbo never dies. He falls <s>asleep</s> waits in combat and no one dares to acknowledge his body.
*Sly Marbo had sex before his father.
*If Sly Marbo returned to Catachan, the planet would be reclassified from Death World to Peaceful World.
*The Fallen Angels are hiding from Sly Marbo.
*No Plasma weapon dares to overheat in Sly Marbo's hands.
*After Sly Marbo lands on a Plague Planet, the world is renamed Health Planet.
* Sly Marbo is the one who put Lord Tirek in Tartarus, then broke him out years later.
* Luna is not the best Princess, Marbo claims that title, and Luna.
* Sly Marbo is the Mighty Morphin White Ranger
* Sly Marbo Beat "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!" in a game of Warhammer 40k
* Sly Marbo once ate a bowl of Milk without any milk.
* Sly Marbo has banged Lilith Hesperax.
* Unicron fears Marbo, for he is the matrix.
* In America, Sly Marbo kills You. In Soviet Russia, Sly Marbo still kills You.
* Sly Marbo can '''''SHOOT WHILE MOVING!!'''''
* Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo only has one name: Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo's name is a killing sound
* There is an urban legend in the Guard that if you say Sly Marbo's name three times in front of a mirror, Sly Marbo will appear and slit your reflection's throat. This has never been confirmed, as nobody has ever survived saying Sly Marbo's name twice.
* The Emperor was created in 8000 BC when hundreds of shaman were packed into a Volkswagen by Sly Marbo.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo tried to break his previous packing people into a Volkswagen record using Eldar.
* The Astral Knights only managed to penetrate the World Engine's void shields because Sly Marbo gave them a push.
* Sly Marbo once gave the Blood Ravens a gift, but only because watching them fail to steal it from him stopped being funny.
* When Sly Marbo heard about Daemonic possession, he decided that it sounded like a challenge and went to the Eye of Terror to experience it first hand. However, he got bored after all the Daemons he forced himself into exploded before he could make them do stuff.
* Sly Marbo is a psyker so powerful, the Greeks had to invent a new alphabet to classify him.
* Sly Marbo taught Macgyver everything he knows, except how to kill.
* Dark Matter is incredibly difficult to detect because it has been hiding from Sly Marbo ever since he caused the Big Bang.
* The Big Crunch will never happen, because the Universe is desperately trying to run from Sly Marbo, thus exceeding the escape velocity.
* Sly Marbo has the only complete map of the Webway tattooed on his penis.
* Ships carrying Sly Marbo through the Warp only turn their Gellar fields on to protect the Warp from him.
* Sly Marbo can play Ride of the Valkyries on bagpipes
* Sly Marbo caught them all. Twice.
* Sly Marbo finished the Neverending Story.
* When Sly Marbo played Chaos Rising, there was no traitor.
* Sly Marbo can never have the Monster Hunter rule. They're too easy.
* Sly Marbo CAN assault a zooming flier.
* Demons disappear when Sly Marbo's around. He's not a Blank or anything, they just shit themselves when they realize he's there.
* A dying Necron Lord once told Marbo he'd be back. Marbo said No. He stayed dead.
* You never roll reserve for Sly Marbo. He shows up whenever he feels like it.
* Sly Marbo has beaten [[Dwarf Fortress|Dorf Fortress]].
* Asurmen taught Karandras how to fight. Sly Marbo taught him how to be sneaky. Living in perpetual fear for your life will do that.
* Jain Zar originally called her aspect the Banshees. One night with Sly Marbo and she just couldn't stop Howling though.
* Fuegan was inspired to create the Fire Dragons after Sly Marbo let him light his cigar.
* Sly Marbo outplayed an entire Noise Marine warband using only an air guitar. He then opened a Webway portal and left by playing Stairway to Heaven.
* Sly Marbo wondered what it would be like if everyone lived in medieval times. So he used some of the Old One's left over stuff and made Warhammer Fantasy.
* A Lord of Change once tried to make Sly Marbo less awesome. Tzeench caught wind of this and killed him. There are some things that can never change.
* Sly Marbo never accepts promotions. He's already everyones boss. He kills anyone who tries to give him one because if they don't know this they're too dumb to live.
* He gave his father "the talk"
* He once brought a knife to a gun fight... to even the odds
* His tree houses have fully furnished basements
* When Sly Marbo grabs the Blade of Antwyr it has to resist being possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo's favorite pet is named Ickle Snootums and follows his every command. Said pet is also a Greater Khornate Daemon.
* Sly Marbo wakes his alarm clock up in the morning
* A Genestealer tried to infect Sly Marbo, it went back to the brood and started a Sly Marbo cult.
* Sly Marbo disproved that you are what you eat. If it was true he would be Doom Breed.
* Sly Marbo skips over step one, two and three. He goes strait to profit.
* Sly Marbo calmed Khorne down, Made slaanesh chaste, gave Nurgle vaccines, made Tzeench forget his plan<s> and made the emprah worship chaos</s>. {{BLAM}}
* He {{BLAM}}s Commissars.
* Sly can describe the taste of water.
* Tyranids didn't eat the Squats, it was Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo went to khornes iron keep<s> and shook hands with tuska deamon killa</s> {{BLAM}}
* Khaine once tried to touch Sly Marbo, his hand is still bleeding to this day.
* Even [[Assholetep]] do not dare being an asshole with Sly Marbo.
* It is believed that Horus was slain by the Emperor, because that's what Dorn said. That's because Marbo left just after defeating the heretic, so Dorn never actually knew the truth.
* Sly Marbo is the only one who can defeat [[Chapter Master Smashfucker]] in 1 turn.
* Sly Marbo can smash titans with his balls.
* Sly Marbo doesn't mutate when he says Chaos Spa-'''BRLLBRBREBRBERBER'''
* Many people wishes for Sly Marbo to run for the position of High Lord of the Imperial Guard, even though that would be troublesome for the whole order giving thing.
* Sly Marbo doesn't require a laspistol to kill people. He simply needs to point at them with his finger and say "Bang!"
** Alternatively, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y| AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
* The '''MURDER SWORD''' is just Sly's old Boy Scout pocket knife.
* Pepperidge Farm doesn't remember Sly Marbo
* The Black Library? Sly Marbo used to go to there all the time during his childhood
* Sly Marbo is the one who knocks.
* The universe is expanding because it's trying to run away from Marbo
* Food getting into Sly Marbo's digestive system gets disintegrated immediately, thus he never uses a bathroom.
* Sly Marbo does not eat soup with a fork, he does so with a power sword thats on fire.
* The real reason for fall of the Eldar and the eye of terror creation was that the Khaine was stupid enough to challenge Marbo to a boxing match. The first punch caused the fall of the Eldar and ripped a whole in the fabric of reality.
* In fact Sly Marbo can take off of a planet or land without need the need for transportation. The reason he does not is because it's too loud and causes too much damage to the planet.
* Sly Marbo brings a knife to a Titan and Demons fight. Needless to say he still wins.
* When monsters go to bed, they check to see if Marbo is there. They never find him even if he is there.
* Sly Marbo became a Wulfen and got affected by the Black Rage, despite not been a Space Wolf or Blood Angel, and cured himself of both.
* Ghost took videos of marbo, and used the videos in a movie called "Sly Activity."
* Sly Marbo can say Beetle Jucie three times without Beetle Juice appearing. Beetle juice sa- oh fuck.
* As my the previous editor was saying, Beetle Juice says Sly Marbo three times.
* Cocaine gets addicted to Sly Marbo.
*SLY MARBO MAY BE THE REASON THERE AREN'T ANY DOLPHINS LEFT.
*SLY MARBO IS [[Alpharius|ALPHARIUS]]
* SLY MARBO STEALS THINGS FROM THE BLOOD RAVENS.
* Sly Marbo WILL fuck your mom.
* On a visit to Terra, Marbo sneezed. The Primarchs were blown across the galaxy as a result, forcing the Emperor to begin the Great Crusade to search for them.
* Sly Marbo banged all the chicks from DC and Marvel. The female Superhero community carries his seed for the next generation.
* Sly forced Mephisto to blow him while he was burning Peter Parker and Mary Janes contract of them losing their marriage with his cigar.
* Superman says this looks like a job for Sly Marbo when even he can't save the day.
* The Bat Signal changes into Sly's FUCKHUEG sniper to call him when Batman needs some R&R.
* Sly Marbo is Uncle Ben as a young dude.
* Aunt May is the only woman who is capable of handling Sly Marbo in bed, making her the Sly Marbo of women.
* Sly Marbo wants Peter Parker to stop being a bitch and get his marriage back by force, starting by squaring up on Mephisto's bitchass.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
image:Sly Marbo.jpg|Mini in action.
</gallery>

{{IG-Characters}}

Sly Marbo

2016-08-04T18:39:50Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36: /* Sly Marbo Facts */

[[Image:Sly Marbo Art.jpg|frame|It's a motherfuckin' lead farm!]]
This video will tell you everything there is on the image of Sly Marbo:[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y]

Sly Marbo (A.K.A Rip-Off of Rambo, The One-Man Army, Chuck Norris/Sylvester Stallone made grimdark) is a renowned Catachan Jungle Fighter, however, he operates separately from other Catachan units as he's a lone wolf almost all the time.

==Marbo in Game==

Marbo WAS an elite unit choice for the [[Imperial Guard]] rather than an HQ (as is the case with most special characters), which makes sense because he's an operative, not a commander. He costs the bitchin' low amount of 65 points (so the same as a 10 man squad of Guardsmen with grenade launcher and power weapon). Marbo also carries a Demo charge around with him so when he's deployed onto the field from reserves, he drops a S8/AP2 pieplate of death that's designed to ruin some squad's day anywhere on the map, after that he pretty much plays out like a regular unit (except he is alone and far less effective than an entire unit of most things).

Marbo, if you strike him into enemy lines, will inevitably die because your opponent will really want him dead due to the threat he poses against infantry. Marbo, however, IS the shit. All of his weapons are 2+ poisoned, he's pretty good at assault and shooting (although his shooting attack is somewhat short ranged, so you're better off charging the enemy lines) and will invariably wreck some expensive squad's day before he dies a glorious death, assuming he gets close. If he ever DOES die, reality will stop for a brief moment and The Emprah will be heard to shout "What's wrong? Sly? Sly? SLYYYYYYYY!"

Then He'll lock Himself in His room and cry for three days and three nights.

==Marbo in Novel==
Marbo appeared in the novel Deathworld. In the novel, the main characters, though in a squad of 10, were already having trouble surviving the planet and its life. It was made impossible to fall asleep and wake up (because you'd already be dead!) without someone keeping watch over you. How the hell then did Sly Marbo do it? Nobody really knows, maybe it's because of the facts below. In fact, he is one of the most poorly developed characters in the entire 40k history; some speculate that he is on par with Boreale and Carron. And in the Codex the little that is mentioned of him makes him out to be even more of a badass; he is known to have been awarded multiple Stars of Terra (the highest military award in the Imperium), so many in fact that he stopped caring and needed someone else to hold them for him.

==Death of a Hero==
According to the new codex, he isn't listed anymore (rumored due to ultra marine fans bitching) . Then again a lot of things are changing, so we might see his return in a small offshoot book or support text. Pray to your gods for the return of Marbo. The Emperor protects.

== Sly Marbo Facts ==
(Note: Try to place as many facts as you can)
*Sly Marbo is once beaten Chuck Norris in duel of the beards and got him sucked out of the universe
*Sly Marbo is the oldest being in the universe as he killed everything else. So when he created the chaos gods they were so afraid of him they created their own dimension to flee from him. They think they are safe from Sly Marbo but the truth is they are not.
*Sly Marbo is not actually silent, but is actually screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA". The only reason why people cannot hear him is because only the most badass people to exist can hear it, which is why the emprah has a single continuous headache on the golden throne.
*Sly Marbo is never added to an army. Army lists are added to Sly Marbo. Watch here for the reversed demonstration: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYfCb8D1JVo]
*[[Exterminatus]] destroys planets. Sly Marbo destroys segmenta.
*Sly Marbo can and will single-handedly destroy the Tyranids. By '''looking''' at them.
*Sly Marbo models assemble and paint themselves.
*Sly Marbo does not sleep, he waits.
*Sly Marbo slayed all the Dark Eldar by himself and yelled out his mighty AAAAAAAAAAAAAA to free all of the captives from their cages. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y]
*Sly Marbo goes to war waitwalking.
*Sly Marbo is the reason the Void Dragon is hiding.
*Sly Marbo scares the living shit out of all the Ordo Malleus, Ordo Hereticus, and Ordo Xenos put together.
*Sly Marbo passes any characteristic test he is required to take including Toughness, Leadership, STD, Genetic, Initiative, and Paternity.
*[[Abaddon]] stole the planet killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside.
*In Dawn of War 2: Retribution, Tyranid ending, the swarm strips all life from subsector Aurelia. Well, 99.999% of it; Marbo is still there.
*Sly Marbo's mini was once used in Dungeons and Dragons. His player killed the Dungeon Master. And then got killed by the Sly Marbo mini.
*In the movement phase, Sly Marbo remains stationary and moves the gaming table 6" in any direction.
*Lightsabers are powered by Marbo's toenail clippings.
*Sly Marbo once fought Nurgle and changed him into a flower.
*When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo.
*They developed a new branch of the Inquisition specifically for Marbo - Ordo Marbicus.
*Sly Marbo killed Batman's parents.
*Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy [[Leman Russ]] is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
*The [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] isn't on the Golden Throne, he just left a dummy there to keep Marbo off his trail. Marbo's not fooled.
*The Grim Reaper doesn't come for Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo comes for the Grim Reaper.
*Sly Marbo has two speeds, Stalk and Exterminatus.
*If Marbo's demo charge scatters back on him, he kicks the template back so that it lands on the enemy general.
*The Emperor quit the crusade because Sly told him to.
*Sly isn't the missing [[Primarch]]. He is the entire Missing Legion!
*Sly Marbo really loves kittens and puppies. He thinks they're best served rare.
*Sly Marbo never washes. Dirt is too afraid to touch him.
*Sly Marbo ALWAYS eats soup with a fork.
*Sly Marbo eats Tyranid Rippers for breakfast. Without any milk.
*When MC Hammer is around, it's Hammertime. When Marbo is around, you know poor MC will never be back.
* Jesus can walk on water. Marbo can swim through solid rock.
* Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo gets discounts from Games Workshop.
* Sly Marbo's paints thin themselves.
* Sly Marbo looks good in parachute pants.
* Sly Marbo once looked into the Eye of Terror. It looked away.
* Medusa turned to stone when she made eye contact with Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo helped Chris-chan get china.
* Sly Marbo can touch this.
* Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
* Sly Marbo made [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]'s spare camo cloak out of fibers from his own chest hair.
* Sly Marbo doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
* Sly Marbo has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a little jar next to his bed. Don't worry; it was an ''evil'' child that had killed its parents.
* Sly Marbo stole my heart. I think he ate it.
* Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a pillow under his gun.
* Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
* Sly Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp.
* It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back The Emperor. Sadly, Marbo never cries and never will.
* Sly Marbo does not sweat from his eyes. Nothing escapes those soulless pits.
* Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fire his weapon, it's just that the ammo inside his gun is scared and fires itself.
* Krieg was never purged by the Death Korps. Marbo just ate too many beans.
* SLY MARBO MADE THE GOLDEN THRONE, THE GAUNTLETS OF ULTRMAR AND THE IMPERIAL PALACE ON TERRA <strike>BUT LOST THEM IN A POKER GAME
AGAINST THE SLANN</strike>. THAT'S WHY THEY'RE NOT HERE ANY MORE. HE GOT THEM.
* Sly Marbo can beat a royal flush with a high card 7
* The Death Star didn't fire lasers, it fired Marbo's fist.
* Grievous isn't wheezing because of a force attack, he just inhaled pure Sly Marbo particles and couldn't handle the awesome.
* The [[Tyranid]]s actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Mr. Popo. What they don't realize, however, is that Popo, in a classic pincer maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
* The [[C'tan|Nightbringer]] doesn't go outside at night because he's worried that Sly Marbo is waiting for him.
* A Lictor bit Sly Marbo and after 2 weeks of pain and agony the Lictor died.
* It's enough for Sly Marbo to just glance upon you, for you to feel your ass get ripped in two.
* Sly Marbo isn't addicted to lho sticks, lho sticks are addicted to Sly Marbo.
* Techpriests aren't looking for STCs, they're looking for the sacred atoms of metal that came off Sly Marbo's junk that power them.
* Most Vindicare Assassins want to grow up to be just like Sly Marbo, most however grow up to be killed by him.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo punched a star with his bare fist.
* Sly Marbo allows the Emperor to borrow his Golden Throne.
* Sly Marbo <s>once</s> twice conquered the whole Ultima Segmentum.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fear Nurgle's rot, Nurgle's rot fears Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo let the dogs out.
* Sly Marbo beat [[Marneus Calgar|Papa smurf]] in arm wrestling using his little finger.
* Even the [[Angry Marines]] are scared of Marbo. Even their chapter master: Temperus Maximum, can't curse or even look at him with the slightest bit of anger.
* A [[Bloodthirster]] once challenged Sly Marbo. The experience was so traumatizing that it has refused to manifest into realspace since he fears being in the same plane of existence as Marbo.
* [[Konrad Curze]] wasn't killed by a Callidus Assassin, Marbo just dropped by and kicked him in the happy sack so hard that he hasn't gotten up to this day. The Imperium just used the Assassin as a cover story to make it look like the Assassinorum still has its uses.
* [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I mindfucked an Eldar Farseer with my non-psychic mind" Straken]], and Sly Marbo regularly get together for poker night in a secret dimension which only pure essences of awesome may visit. [[Creed]] doesn't get invited because nobody likes it when a stack of ordinary poker chips turns out to be a squadron of [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Leman Russ Demolishers]], just lying in wait.
* Sly Marbo can beat a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers with a High Card 7
* When Marbo fails his armor or invulnerable save, the one who caused it gets the wound.
* Sly Marbo stared into [[Slaanesh]] him/her/itself, Slaanesh later lost his/her/it's soul to Marbo.
* Sly Marbo took a stroll through the Gardens of [[Nurgle]], it became disease free after he left.
* Sly Marbo gave [[Nurgle]] the clap.
* Sly Marbo got into [[Tzeentch]]'s forbidden library, blindfolded, in just 5 seconds. And only because he gave the library a 4.5 second head start.
* [[Khorne]] didn't cause the endless chasm in his brass citadel out of rage, Marbo just put his foot down in front of Khorne's throne.
* Sly Marbo once gave a riddle to the [[C'tan|Deceiver]], which the Deceiver still haven't solved.
* [[Khaine|Khaela Mensha Khaine]] only shattered into a bajillion pieces after Marbo punched him in the gut.
* [[Horus]] is said to have killed [[Sanguinius]] because the Angel was tired from battle. That battle was losing an arm wrestling match with Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo could heal [[Roboute Guilliman]] and [[Lion El'Jonson]]. Experience has just taught him they won't be awesome enough to receive it.
*[[Lorgar]] is said to be on Sicarius communing with the [[Chaos Gods]]. He's really just trying to hide from Sly Marbo.
*[[Logan Grimnar]] once challenged Sly Marbo to a drinking contest. The Great Wolf fell into a coma trying to beat Marbo. As punishment, Logan must now ride a pretty little sleigh dragged by wolves.
*[[Dante]]'s Death Mask curses anyone who looks at him. He's terrified of what will happen if he looks at Sly Marbo while wearing it.
*[[Eldrad]] takes everything into account when making a plan. Sly Marbo is the one unpredictable factor.
*Sly Marbo once banished an entire daemonic horde by giving it a mean look.
*Marbo once dueled an [[Eversor]] assassin in close combat, he managed to literally rip the assassin in half with his bare hands and end the fight in just 10 seconds flat.
*Whenever Marbo spits at someone, his spit turns into a plasma bolt. Whenever he fails his "Gets Hot" roll, the one he spat at explodes. (Note: Sly Marbo never fails any rolls unless he chooses to do so.)
*Sly Marbo pisses melta fire.
*Marbo can be an Ultramarine, but hates them anyway, so he doesn't care.
*The [[Administratum]] once attempted to impose a higher tithe on Catachan. Sly Marbo was sent to deliver their counteroffer. The Administratum quickly lowered Catachan's tithe.
*A Miral land shark once tried to ambush Marbo like Straken, the land shark's teeth shattered and died the second after it bit Marbo.
*Sly Marbo makes Khorne Berzerkers take morale checks and makes them squeal like little girls when they see him.
*Marbo once defeated Tzeentch in a chess game..... with just 3 moves.
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] is actually Marbo is disguise, he just assumes this form to troll fa/tg/uys for fun.
*Sly Marbo is the reason the Emprah is on the Golden Throne.
*Marbo once killed a Hierophant bio-titan by bitch-slapping it in the face, he then killed the entire brood of Tyranids following it by ripping-off one of the dead Hierophant's scything talons and using it as his own melee weapon.
*[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] is said to have left the Third War for Armageddon because he got bored. He really left because he learned Sly Marbo was coming.
*Sly Marbo once cut himself to see what all the fuss was about. The resulting blood formed into [[Ollanius Pius]].
*Sly Marbo's sweat is what poison lines his weapon.
*Orks wear Gork and Mork pajamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pajamas.
*Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
*A Daemon Prince once saved a Cadian regiment from Necrons; the Guardsmen were baffled until they realized the daemon had been possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo can kick [[Sisters of Battle|a Bolter Bitch]] to the balls.
*The [[Crimson Fists]] got their name after Sly Marbo played bloody knuckles with [[Pedro Kantor]].
*Sly Marbo once took Moondrakken for a joyride. He brought it back with all the radio presets changed and the seat readjusted. Kor'sarro Khan didn't dare complain.
*The [[Salamanders]] hold that [[Vulkan]] will return when they collect all nine of his sacred artifacts. So far they've recovered five. Sly Marbo has not seen fit to return the other four.
*Marbo once ate a [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]. He thought it was bland.
*Sly Marbo once broke the battlements of Medrengard in an hour.
*Sly Marbo was once on a planet subjected to virus bombing. Sly Marbo's immune system killed the viruses before they infected him. And then his immune system killed everyone else on the planet.
*Sly Marbo once looked into the Eye of Terror. They say a Chaos God looked back at him. Sly then went into the Eye of Terror to beat it senseless for looking at him funny.
*Sly Marbo taught tactics to - wait, what's that Titan doing there?
[[Creed|"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED"]]
*Sly Marbo can strangle you with a cordless Vox.
*Sly Marbo is the GOD DAMN BATMAN!
*Sly Marbo will never, ever say "GO! Get to the Chopper!" That's the kind of thing a neckbeard says.
*Sly Marbo has constipation issues, because he knows his feces could be used to track him in the field.
*Sly Marbo refused to be hidden in plain sight by CREED. He called Creed "A cheap man's Copperfield".
*[[Indrick Boreale]] once spoke Sly Marbo's name and the sheer awesomeness fixed his speech impediment.
*A greater Daemon once possessed Sly Marbo… No one knows what happened to it.
*Sly Marbo doesn't need meltabombs. He just pisses on a tank and it explodes.
*The Necrons went into stasis because Marbo was killing everything else.
*Any time a Farseer says "Just as planned", Marbo will be standing behind them with murder in his eyes.
*Marbo can murder with his eyeballs.
*Sly Marbo's favorite sandwich is a Catachan Barking Toad between two meltabombs.
*Sly Marbo is the stig.
*Sly Marbo's glare is treated as a Plasma Blastgun With the rate of fire of a punisher Gatling Cannon
*Kharn The Betrayer once fought Marbo. Kharn was found embedded in the hull of an orbiting starship. He took the defeat pretty well.
*Plasma weapons use a synthetic form of Marbo's testosterone. In its natural state it is white-hot and obliterates everything it touches.
*Sly Marbo does not and never has owned a machete. That's just his arm hair.
*Sly Marbo once had intestinal parasites. Once he shat them out they became known as Catachan Devils.
*Marbo once allowed a Guard player to use his mini, the Necron player he fought wasn't allowed to take Reanimation Protocol rolls, the Tau player he fought got into melee and the Daemon player he fought tried and failed to dance An'ggrath around the map out of Marbo's reach.
*When the emperor was finally re-awoken, he rose and said, "I am the god emperor of mankind. Who dared to wake m- Oh... It is you my master."
*Slaanesh needs to masturbate every time Sly Marbo kills a [[Carnifex]]. Chaos Realm suffers chronic floodings.
*Sly Marbo stole the Blood Raven's home planet.
*Creed played chess with Tzeentch and won. Sly Marbo played chess with Chaos Undivided and it ended in a draw, but the four gods were so scared that they refused to play when Marbo asked for a rematch.
*Sly Marbo's internet seems slow. That's just because he's faster than it.
*Sly Marbo gives out a special rule... Feel MORE Pain.
*The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard, Sly Marbo was already there.
*Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
*If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
*You are only alive because Sly Marbo is too busy Stirring Coals with his Penis to kill you.
*Sly Marbo can drown a fish.
*Sly Marbo simply walks into Mordor.
*A Lictor once tried to ambush Sly Marbo while he was waiting; it did not expect Marbo to ambush it while ambushing him.
*The poisons on Marbo's rounds and knife is actually made from his sweat and it's the only poison that even Nurgle daemons cannot resist.
*Marbo can seduce Slaaneshi [[Daemonettes]] at will. After they do they dirty, Sly doesn't have to kill them because they're already dead from ecstasy (and not the drug).
*After Sly Marbo killed a Tyranid swarm out of boredom, the Swarmlord was deployed to kill Marbo. After six months of trying (and dying), the Swarmlord finally gave up and stopped reincarnating.
*Sly Marbo’s testicles are of such might they ignore armor saves in close combat.
*The only reason Sly Marbo isn't a primarch is because it would be a demotion. The same with being a Daemon Prince.
*Khorne used to have a gold pedestal just for Marbo's skull. He has since melted it down and sold it at a Cash-4-Gold shop.
*When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. When Sly Marbo stares into the abyss, the abyss averts its gaze to the left.
*Sly Marbo bowls overhand.
*When Sly Marbo has to stitch up a deep gash, he doesn't use a needle and thread, he uses a tent spike and bailing wire.
*Trayzn's 'hood' is a neck brace. Marbo effortlessly sniffed out the real Trazyn and ripped his spine out. Trayzn still hasn't gotten it back.
*Sly Marbo is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
*Sly Marbo once snuck up on [[Lucius]] the Eternal and slit his throat from behind. Lucius was unable to possess him, as Sly Marbo's thirst for killing can never be satisfied.
*Sly Marbo once got into a theological debate with [[Erebus]], and pointed out thirty-nine logical fallacies in the Book of Lorgar, which Erebus was unable to explain. And that's why Catachan will never have door-to-door Word Bearers appear in the system ever again.
*During the Battle of Calth, Roboute Guilliman ripped out [[Kor Phaeron]]'s heart. Upon reading this at the schola, Sly Marbo traveled back in time to the [[Horus Heresy]], where he ripped out Kor Phaeron's spine and beat Guilliman senseless with it.
*[[Huron Blackheart]] once lead the [[Red Corsairs]] in a raid on Catachan. For their foolishness, Sly Marbo proceeded to raid the [[Maelstrom]] of ... well, everything. "But he can't-" Yes he can.
*SLY MARBO OWNS THE ONLY COPY OF WARHAMMER FANTASY NINTH EDITION. HE'S GOT A SILVER GOLDEN DEMON TROPHY FOR HIS CLANRATS.
*[[Darnath Lysander]] once struck Sly Marbo with the "Hammer of Dorn". Not only did the Hammer break on impact with Marbo, but so did Lysander's storm shield, Terminator armor, and pride.
*Sly Marbo once hugged [[Typhus]]. Not only did he remain clean of disease, but his sweat infected the Destroyer Plague in Typhus's body. It would have killed him if Sly Marbo didn't beat Typhus to death with his own Manreaper first.
*The Adeptus Mechanicus once dug deep underground in an attempt to find a [[Necron]] tomb. They found Sly Marbo instead, ruining his power <s>nap</s> wait. By the end of the day the entire ''star system'' was devoid of all life.
*The Gellar field around Sly Marbo’s ship isn't generated by the ship to keep the people on board safe from the warp. It’s generated by the warp to keep the demons safe from Sly Marbo.
*The Emperor might be able to walk on water but sly Marbo can swim through land.
*Why did the Necrons really go into stasis? They all dug their own graves when they heard sly Marbo was coming.
*The reason Malal/Malice is no longer mentioned in Canon is because he ran afoul of Sly Marbo.
*The Outsider would actually really like to come back to our galaxy, except he knows Sly Marbo is waiting for him.
*When the Space Marines are in trouble the Legion of the Damned come to their rescue. When the Legion of the Damned are in trouble, Sly Marbo arrives.
*Roboute Guilliman weeps every day in his stasis field for deep down he knows that he will never be Sly Marbo.
*Contrary to popular belief, Doombreed is not camera shy, it’s just that he foolishly thinks Sly Marbo doesn't know what he looks like, and Doombreed intends to keep it that way.
*Sly Marbo won a staring contest with Mephiston.
*Nemesis [[Dreadknights]] are believed to be ancient pieces of xenos tech; they're actually Sly Marbo's childhood toys.
*Marbo once broke an Eldar soulstone but Slaanesh got nothing because he grabbed the soul first. He's still got it on him.
*Contrary to popular belief, it is unknown if Sly Marbo is bulletproof. Whenever someone fires at him, the bullet/bolt/plasma/las/shuriken stops twenty centimeters from Marbo, turns 180 degrees, and hits the person who fired the shot.
*Sly Marbo controls all of [[Games Workshop]]'s prices. He's just waiting for the right time to lower them.
*Being headbutted by Ghazghkull is like being struck by a mag-train, being poked by Sly Marbo is like being smacked by an Imperator class titan.
*The Adeptus Mechanicus is looking for the STCs. Marbo has most of them in a flash drive that the AdMech knows about but doesn't dare lay claim to it.
*Sly Marbo is the one person [[Alpharius|Alpharius]] never confuses. EVER.
*He knows where all the Tomb Worlds are. This is because he destroyed most of them.
*Sly Marbo takes on [[Genestealers]] in close combat for fun.
*Sly Marbo uses his Uplifting Primer as toilet paper. No commissar would dare execute him for this. [[Commissar Yarrick|(well, with possibly one exception....)]]
*The [[Dark Eldar]] didn't know what pain was until they met Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo Deep Strikes, everything else has to roll scatter die, including the terrain itself.
*A Tau Ethereal can order entire Cadres to commit mass suicide. Marbo can make entire Tau planets kill themselves by looking at them funny.
*Sly Marbo once took on two Stompas in a no DQ one-on-tag handicap match with one arm tied behind his back. Records are scarce, but according to eyewitness reports he German suplexed them both for three hours straight before getting bored and wandering off to find a Mega Gargant to fight.
*The Kroot once conspired a plan to eat Sly Marbo and use his DNA to create perfect Kroot warriors. Marbo fried them in batter and sprinkled them with eleven herbs and spices, never revealing what the eleventh one was (but the first ten herbs and spices were all steak).
*Marbo only ever eats slow-roasted Carnifexes (over an open fire, with a sprinkling of Catachan Bloodvenom Juice).
*Sly Marbo doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the planet down.
*What colour is Sly Marbo's blood? TRICK QUESTION - Sly Marbo doesn't bleed!
*Sly Marbo never takes his Feel No Pain roll. He doesn't understand what this "pain" issue is everyone else is struggling with.
*Sly Marbo is the original owner of Blood Reaver, [[Flesh Tearers|Gabriel Seth's]] chainsword. Sly Marbo used it as a toothbrush, but it wasn't powerful enough so he let Seth borrow it.
*Sly Marbo stuffed his mattress with those 100 missing [[Baneblade|Baneblades]]. It's still too soft for him.
*Sly Marbo doesn't kill everything in the galaxy because it's funny watching them try to kill him.
*Sly Marbo can fold a bowling ball in half.
*Sly Marbo once entered a Dark Angels rap battle. All who witnessed his mad skills on the mic perished. The only reason his opponent survived is because he ran as soon as he heard Sly Marbo's first breath into the mic.
*Dark Eldar aren't hiding from Slaanesh in the webway, they're hiding from Sly Marbo.
*Marbo never dies, he just wants to be a good sport and let them win.
*Marbo once challenged [[Castor|Lord General Castor]] to a duel to see which could slay a Carnifex first. Marbo lost, but only because he spent the last few seconds of his kill's life taunting it.
*Emperor is actually Sly Marbo in disguise.
*Sly Marbo is the Angry Marines primarch.
*Sly Marbo once bro-fisted a Imperator Titan. All that remains of said titan was the hellstorm cannon on Kronus.
*Khorne spills blood for Sly Marbo.
*Every Sister of Battle is crazy with lust for Marbo. He doesn't take advantage of that because he's a gentleman. Banging even one of them would get the rest of the Sororitas in that order pregnant; and no woman in the galaxy has a womb strong enough to bear his children (except [[Samus]]).
*Sly Marbo can "out-CREEEEEED!" Creed; Marbo lets Creed do it when he can't be bothered to himself.
*The Hive Mind of the Tyranids drives people insane because IT is insane too. Said insanity came about when Marbo let it psychically touch his mind.
*Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one. (And I can too... OH SHIT! FTHWREGWARBLBLBLBL...)
*Sly Marbo is Roboute Guilliman's [[Spiritual Liege]].
*Sly Marbo is America and so can you.
*A necron lord once shot Marbo in the knee with a tachyron arrow, but Marbo was unhurt because his body is STRONGER THAN ANY MATTER.
*Sly Marbo doesn't steal the initiative, the initiative is given to him.
*Sly Marbo powers the Morphin' Grid.
*Princess Celestia fears the day Marbo Visits Equestria.
*I was once a Guardsman like you, but then I took a Sly Marbo to the knee.
*Sly Marbo is the reason [[Matthew Ward]] quit working at Games Workshop. Now that he's gone, Marbo's planning on tormenting that [[Robin Cruddace]] prick next...
*The only way to banish Sly Marbo is to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
*He got his own squad after what happened last night.
*Sly Marbo is the one who killed Zordon! Andros was a cover story.
*Sly Marbo stalks Slenderman.
*Supernovae don't exist, it is just Sly Marbo's farts.
*The Celestial Orrery is actually one of Sly Marbo's kidney stones.
*Sly Marbo was once shot by a Nova Cannon before, after the devastating explosion, the Nova Cannon as well as the entire Imperial Navy in the sector died.
*A prophecy was announced recently in the Imperium, if Sly Marbo, [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "My bionic fists can bitch-slap Titans for Tuesday" Straken]], [[Creed]], [[Commissar Ciaphas Cain]], [[Commissar Holt]], [[Commissar Fucklaw]], [[Commissar Yarrick]], [[Sturnn|General Sturnn]], [[Merrick]], [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Castor|Lord General Castor]] and [[Ollanius Pius]] ever teamed up, they would destroy all four Chaos Gods, shatter reality and break open the fourth-wall while punching you in the face as an extra measure (You will be honored if you WERE punched in the face by these guys, admit it, you know it will be true).
*Sly Marbo is secretly the Six Samurai.
*Sly Marbo once peed into the oil tank of a truck, that truck was then used as inspiration to make the baneblade.
*Sly Marbo beat Slaanesh and Doomrider in a cocaine and orgy competition while <s>sleeping</s> waiting.
*Sly Marbo is so stealthy he even gets past Spider-Man's spider sense and Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense!!
*Sly Marbo once built a robot. That robot is known as the Void Dragon.
*Sly Marbo once banished Skarbrand back to the Warp.
*Sly Marbo is actually THE Dragonborn.
*Sly Marbo turned my Battle Brother into [[Chaos Spawn| the creature that shall not be named.]]
*Sly Marbo occasionally indulges himself in a grilled cheese after he is done bitch-slapping Rowboat Jellyfan with his ceramite balls.
*Sly Marbo once almost made a Chuck Norris joke, but then didn't because [[JUST AS PLANNED|Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny]].
*When Sly Marbo builds models, he is really building the Mechanicus' Imperator Titans.
*Sly Marbo actually shits out Demolisher Shells.
*Sly Marbo broke into the Black library, told Cegorach how to actually be funny, and then punched Ahriman in the face. <s>Did I mention he was high after out cocaining Doomrider? No? Well he had</s> No drug is powerful enough to get Sly Marbo high.
*Sly Marbo has turned many an Ultramarine into a heretic. His manly jawline, well defined biceps, and thousand yard stare seem to have found a trait not previously noted from their geneseed. That is, to put it simply: Sly Marbo turns Ultramarines gay.
*While anyone else chews tobacco, Sly Marbo chews glass.
*<strike>Think Bella's love for Edward multiplied by over 9,000. that is how much Marbo loves to make up facts about himself.</strike>{{BLAM}}
*Sly Marbo is deadly to vampires, werewolves, zombies and any other undead. And regular dead. And not dead.
*Sly Marbo won the game.
*[[Gabriel Seth]] was in a brawl with Marbo, when Emperor knows how, he found an opening in his guard and tried to kick him in the balls. Not only did he break a leg in an attempt, Marbo was so pissed off that most of the Flesh Tearers are now overcome with black rage .
*Sly Marbo once stopped a [[Black Crusade]] by tricking the Chaos Lord leading it into saying "You and what Hulk?" Said Chaos Lord and his warband were then crushed by a [[Space Hulk]] thrown at them by the Incredible Hulk( who was really sly marbo wearing green paint).
*The Emprah's stats are all E. Sly Marbo's stats are all E^E.
*Sly Marbo once visited the Warhammer World a long time ago; this event is known to us as the coming of the Old Ones.
*Sly Marbo is never cut from a Codex - he just chooses to go back into the shadows to stalk you.
*It's said that Bjorn the Fell-Handed is the oldest Space Marine. Marbo was his babysitter.
*Trazyn has to change his collection every century or so because Marbo keeps asking for his toys back.
*Sly Marbo knows EXACTLY where Carmen Sandiego is. (Spoilers, he killed her)
*Sly Marbo knows where you're not; safe.
*The Emperor kneels before no man. But then again, calling Marbo a man is hardly fair.
*The Primarchs were just Marbo playing fancy dresses.
*The Primarchs weren't stolen by chaos, they were running from their grandfather - Sly Marbo.
*Rumor has it that the reason Sly Marbo isn't in the AM Codex is because he'll get his own multi-part E-Codex just to describe his countless acts of MANLINESS. He will also count as his own army.
*Sly Marbo once had an arm wrestling match with [[Abbadon]], with the loser's arms as the bet. Abby lost that match, and his arms.
*Sly IS Adventure Time!
*<s>Sly Marbo knows what the fox says....[[Furry|yiff]]</s> {{BLAM}}
*Sly Marbo's section was removed from the codex in a vain attempt by Games Workshop to delay his wrath for their many sins against the Guard. They have failed.
*Sly Marbo ate Schrodinger's Cat, while it was both dead and alive.
*Sly Marbo sheds his skin every month. He hands the skin over to the Adeptus Mechanicus, who then use it to reinforce suits of Tartaros-pattern [[Terminator]] armour. It is assumed that most of these are in the possession of the [[Minotaurs]].
*Sly Marbo has enough dakka.
*Sly Marbo has never killed a man. He just beats them so bad they are turned to little girls before they die.
*Sly Marbo is the name of [[Doctor Who|the Doctor]].
*The spaceballs brake for nobody. Except Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo expects the Spanish Inquisition.
*Sly Marbo is the reason thehub network is changing its name to Discovery Family.
*Sly Marbo is Leman Russ.
*Sly Marbo was the one who build a text to speech device for the EMPRAH.
*<strike> Sly Marbo programmed the animatronics to kill any fool that takes the security job at Freddy's Pizza. </strike> {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|Heresy!}}
*The reason why Sly Marbo isn't in the 6th Edition Codex, he decided to go on an under cover mission to stop the Chaos and Xenos forces from taking over [[Warhammer 40,000: Eternal Crusade|Arkhona.]]
*Marbo once banged a Dominatrix and the product was the Swarmlord.
*Sly Marbo looked straight at SCP-096's face, blinked while staring at SCP-173, and insulted SCP-076 in front of the entire SCP Foundation. None of the fuckers dared to make a move.
*Sly Marbo released Half Life 3.
*Sly Marbo beat Doomrider in a crack-snorting contest.
*Sly Marbo can out-transform Optimus Prime.
*Sly Marbo talks about Fight Club.
*Sly Marbo has a pet Carnifex called cuddles, although most know him as Old One Eye.
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] isn't trapped in the warp. He's hiding from Marbo.
*Black holes are created when Sly Marbo rips his way into our universe; the universe is too scared to seal the breaches.
*Sly Marbo can outsmart bullets.
*Sly Marbo's eyes made flamethrowers obsolete.
*Jesus Christ saves souls. Sly Marbo saves everything else.
*Sly Marbo can slam a revolving door.
*Death had a near-Sly Marbo experience.
*Sly Marbo will never get a heart attack. His heart isn't stupid enough to attack him.
*There is no Theory of Evolution. Just a list of animals Sly Marbo allows to live.
*Sly Marbo flashed before Life's eyes.
*Sly Marbo doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.
*Sly Marbo's favorite color is blood.
*Sly Marbo is the one who touched the Heavy's gun.
*Sly Marbo can smack air.
*Sly Marbo solved Imotekh's favorite Tessaract Labyrinth with an abacus.
*Sly Marbo shot a man with a knife.
*I don't know what the big deal is about a fictional Rambo rip-off. Now if you'll excuse me, someone's at my front door.
*Sly Marbo can divide by zero.
*Sly Marbo protects his air bags in car accidents.
*One of Sly Marbo's discarded fingernails fell into the real world from the Warp. It reformatted into Audie Murphy.
*The Alpha Legion's original name was actually the Beta Legion. Sly decided to be nice and let them take his Legion's name (said Legion consisted of himself and a [[Laspistol]]).
*When Spartans go MIA, they're really running away, scared and ashamed that they dared fail Sly Marbo.
*Commander [[Farsight]] found one of Sly's discarded dinner knifes on a planet that he had a picnic on. Said knife was the Dawn Blade, and the previously verdant and inhabited world became a dead world after what Sly did after lunch.
*The only reason SAXTON HALE!!! is in charge of [[Hats|Mann Co.]] is because Sly Marbo isn't interested in such a pathetic company.
*Sly Marbo is the only person EVER to have heard both Gordon Freeman and Chell speak.
*Sly Marbo once ran a 0-second mile. Than did it again, just to piss off physics.
*Sly Marbo went back in time and had sex with an Eldar Farseer. A combination of overwhelming pleasure, Sly Marbo's jizz changed her... today, she is known as [[Slaanesh]].
*All the skulls in Khorne's realm actually belong to Sly Marbo. Khorne just minds them for him.
*The reason the Eldar Phoenix Lords are immortal is truly because Sly Marbo finds them tolerable enough to keep alive; whenever one dies he performs CPR, as CPR from Sly Marbo can raise the dead.
*Sly Marbo destroyed a titan by point his finger at it and yelling 'BANG!'
*A Commissar tried to execute Sly Marbo. The bolter round was so scared it backfired and shot the Commissar in the head instead.
*Sly Marbo uses a live Genestealer as a backscratcher.
*Sly Marbo can believe it's not butter.
*Sly Marbo shaves by punching himself in the face as they only thing that can cut Sly Marbo is Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo headbutted a Necron Monolith once, which made it instantly explode into millions of pieces, none of which self-repaired or teleported.
*Sly Marbo is the true king of Westeros.
*Sly Marbo trained Discord and Q out of boredom.
*Sly Marbo drinks distilled Warp.
*Sly Marbo once saw his life flash before his eyes, it was accredited as film of the millenium.
*People say Sly Marbo defies physics, but really physics just obey Sly Marbo.
*Chaos once fell to Sly Marbo.
*
*Sly Marbo taught [[Simo Hayha]]how to snipe.
*They say that there are only two ways to get the entire [[Deathwing]] company into a Mini Cooper, one is by telling them that [[Cypher]] is in the glovebox. Sly Marbo is the other one.
*Sly Marbo once fought Chuck Norris but you may know it as the [[Warp]].
*Sly Marbo is behind you right now.
*Sly Marbo once went back in time, during which, a hair fell off his chest. That hair grew up to be Teddy Roosevelt.
*Sly Marbo doesn't die from bullets, mainly because they are all scared shitless.
*The only time a lasgun is useful is when Sly Marbo uses it.
*Soaking a lasgun's power pack in Sly Marbo's sweat will give it Exterminatus-level power.
*Sly Marbo doesn't fail his Morale checks. He gets bored and wanders off. No one is brave/stupid enough to stop him.
*Sly Marbo never dies. He falls <s>asleep</s> waits in combat and no one dares to acknowledge his body.
*Sly Marbo had sex before his father.
*If Sly Marbo returned to Catachan, the planet would be reclassified from Death World to Peaceful World.
*The Fallen Angels are hiding from Sly Marbo.
*No Plasma weapon dares to overheat in Sly Marbo's hands.
*After Sly Marbo lands on a Plague Planet, the world is renamed Health Planet.
* Sly Marbo is the one who put Lord Tirek in Tartarus, then broke him out years later.
* Luna is not the best Princess, Marbo claims that title, and Luna.
* Sly Marbo is the Mighty Morphin White Ranger
* Sly Marbo Beat "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!" in a game of Warhammer 40k
* Sly Marbo once ate a bowl of Milk without any milk.
* Sly Marbo has banged Lilith Hesperax.
* Unicron fears Marbo, for he is the matrix.
* In America, Sly Marbo kills You. In Soviet Russia, Sly Marbo still kills You.
* Sly Marbo can '''''SHOOT WHILE MOVING!!'''''
* Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo only has one name: Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo's name is a killing sound
* There is an urban legend in the Guard that if you say Sly Marbo's name three times in front of a mirror, Sly Marbo will appear and slit your reflection's throat. This has never been confirmed, as nobody has ever survived saying Sly Marbo's name twice.
* The Emperor was created in 8000 BC when hundreds of shaman were packed into a Volkswagen by Sly Marbo.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo tried to break his previous packing people into a Volkswagen record using Eldar.
* The Astral Knights only managed to penetrate the World Engine's void shields because Sly Marbo gave them a push.
* Sly Marbo once gave the Blood Ravens a gift, but only because watching them fail to steal it from him stopped being funny.
* When Sly Marbo heard about Daemonic possession, he decided that it sounded like a challenge and went to the Eye of Terror to experience it first hand. However, he got bored after all the Daemons he forced himself into exploded before he could make them do stuff.
* Sly Marbo is a psyker so powerful, the Greeks had to invent a new alphabet to classify him.
* Sly Marbo taught Macgyver everything he knows, except how to kill.
* Dark Matter is incredibly difficult to detect because it has been hiding from Sly Marbo ever since he caused the Big Bang.
* The Big Crunch will never happen, because the Universe is desperately trying to run from Sly Marbo, thus exceeding the escape velocity.
* Sly Marbo has the only complete map of the Webway tattooed on his penis.
* Ships carrying Sly Marbo through the Warp only turn their Gellar fields on to protect the Warp from him.
* Sly Marbo can play Ride of the Valkyries on bagpipes
* Sly Marbo caught them all. Twice.
* Sly Marbo finished the Neverending Story.
* When Sly Marbo played Chaos Rising, there was no traitor.
* Sly Marbo can never have the Monster Hunter rule. They're too easy.
* Sly Marbo CAN assault a zooming flier.
* Demons disappear when Sly Marbo's around. He's not a Blank or anything, they just shit themselves when they realize he's there.
* A dying Necron Lord once told Marbo he'd be back. Marbo said No. He stayed dead.
* You never roll reserve for Sly Marbo. He shows up whenever he feels like it.
* Sly Marbo has beaten [[Dwarf Fortress|Dorf Fortress]].
* Asurmen taught Karandras how to fight. Sly Marbo taught him how to be sneaky. Living in perpetual fear for your life will do that.
* Jain Zar originally called her aspect the Banshees. One night with Sly Marbo and she just couldn't stop Howling though.
* Fuegan was inspired to create the Fire Dragons after Sly Marbo let him light his cigar.
* Sly Marbo outplayed an entire Noise Marine warband using only an air guitar. He then opened a Webway portal and left by playing Stairway to Heaven.
* Sly Marbo wondered what it would be like if everyone lived in medieval times. So he used some of the Old One's left over stuff and made Warhammer Fantasy.
* A Lord of Change once tried to make Sly Marbo less awesome. Tzeench caught wind of this and killed him. There are some things that can never change.
* Sly Marbo never accepts promotions. He's already everyones boss. He kills anyone who tries to give him one because if they don't know this they're too dumb to live.
* He gave his father "the talk"
* He once brought a knife to a gun fight... to even the odds
* His tree houses have fully furnished basements
* When Sly Marbo grabs the Blade of Antwyr it has to resist being possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo's favorite pet is named Ickle Snootums and follows his every command. Said pet is also a Greater Khornate Daemon.
* Sly Marbo wakes his alarm clock up in the morning
* A Genestealer tried to infect Sly Marbo, it went back to the brood and started a Sly Marbo cult.
* Sly Marbo disproved that you are what you eat. If it was true he would be Doom Breed.
* Sly Marbo skips over step one, two and three. He goes strait to profit.
* Sly Marbo calmed Khorne down, Made slaanesh chaste, gave Nurgle vaccines, made Tzeench forget his plan<s> and made the emprah worship chaos</s>. {{BLAM}}
* He {{BLAM}}s Commissars.
* Sly can describe the taste of water.
* Tyranids didn't eat the Squats, it was Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo went to khornes iron keep<s> and shook hands with tuska deamon killa</s> {{BLAM}}
* Khaine once tried to touch Sly Marbo, his hand is still bleeding to this day.
* Even [[Assholetep]] do not dare being an asshole with Sly Marbo.
* It is believed that Horus was slain by the Emperor, because that's what Dorn said. That's because Marbo left just after defeating the heretic, so Dorn never actually knew the truth.
* Sly Marbo is the only one who can defeat [[Chapter Master Smashfucker]] in 1 turn.
* Sly Marbo can smash titans with his balls.
* Sly Marbo doesn't mutate when he says Chaos Spa-'''BRLLBRBREBRBERBER'''
* Many people wishes for Sly Marbo to run for the position of High Lord of the Imperial Guard, even though that would be troublesome for the whole order giving thing.
* Sly Marbo doesn't require a laspistol to kill people. He simply needs to point at them with his finger and say "Bang!"
** Alternatively, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y| AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
* The '''MURDER SWORD''' is just Sly's old Boy Scout pocket knife.
* Pepperidge Farm doesn't remember Sly Marbo
* The Black Library? Sly Marbo used to go to there all the time during his childhood
* Sly Marbo is the one who knocks.
* The universe is expanding because it's trying to run away from Marbo
* Food getting into Sly Marbo's digestive system gets disintegrated immediately, thus he never uses a bathroom.
* Sly Marbo does not eat soup with a fork, he does so with a power sword thats on fire.
* The real reason for fall of the Eldar and the eye of terror creation was that the Khaine was stupid enough to challenge Marbo to a boxing match. The first punch caused the fall of the Eldar and ripped a whole in the fabric of reality.
* In fact Sly Marbo can take off of a planet or land without need the need for transportation. The reason he does not is because it's too loud and causes too much damage to the planet.
* Sly Marbo brings a knife to a Titan and Demons fight. Needless to say he still wins.
* When monsters go to bed, they check to see if Marbo is there. They never find him even if he is there.
* Sly Marbo became a Wulfen and got affected by the Black Rage, despite not been a Space Wolf or Blood Angel, and cured himself of both.
* Ghost took videos of marbo, and used the videos in a movie called "Sly Activity."
* Sly Marbo can say Beetle Jucie three times without Beetle Juice appearing. Beetle juice sa- oh fuck.
* As my the previous editor was saying, Beetle Juice says Sly Marbo three times.
* Cocaine gets addicted to Sly Marbo.
*SLY MARBO MAY BE THE REASON THERE AREN'T ANY DOLPHINS LEFT.
*SLY MARBO IS [[Alpharius|ALPHARIUS]]
* SLY MARBO STEALS THINGS FROM THE BLOOD RAVENS.
* Sly Marbo WILL fuck your mom.
* On a visit to Terra, Marbo sneezed. The Primarchs were blown across the galaxy as a result, forcing the Emperor to begin the Great Crusade to search for them.
* Sly Marbo banged all the chicks from DC and Marvel. The female Superhero community carries his seed for the next generation.
* Sly forced Mephisto to blow him while he was burning Peter Parker and Maje Janes contract of them losing their marriage with his cigar.
* Superman says this looks like a job for Sly Marbo when he can't even save the day.
* The Bat Signal changes into Sly's FUCKHUEG sniper when Batman needs some R&R.
* Sly Marbo is Uncle Ben as a young dude.
* Aunt May is the only woman who is capable of handling Sly Marbo's in bed, making her the Sly Marbo of women.
* Sly Marbo wants Peter Parker to stop being a bitch and mostly get his marriage back by beating on Mephisto himself.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
image:Sly Marbo.jpg|Mini in action.
</gallery>

{{IG-Characters}}

/b/

2016-08-04T05:20:08Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36:

{{stub}}
[[/b/]] is the "random" board/[[Just as Planned|the chaos god of change's magnum opus]], and the lowest pit of evil and [[chaos]] in [[4chan|the reaches of eternal damnation]] of the internet, some say it is the true home of the Chaos Gods and it is [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch's]] greatest creation since it is "pure chaos" embodied and cultivated for his own amusement. On [[4chan]], [[/b/]] is the most popular board of all - primarily since, like every other part of the internet, users don't need any logic or sense at all to "contribute" to it. It also [[Slaanesh|breaks all the boundaries of NSFW]] and if you were to be caught at work browsing /b/'s porno related threads, [[PROMOTIONS|you'd not only get fired but probably also get arrested]]. View at your own risk.

But since /k/, [[/co/]], [[/d/]], and [[/tg/]] were created, all the oldfags of /b/ left after noticing that the board had dropped to a level of shit that was much lower than their standards. /b/ is now plagued with newfagism and porn. Not unlike /a/.

Rumors persist that [[/v/]] has become the new /b/, plagued by butthurt and ripe for the [[troll]]-reaping. Due to constantly going off topic, posting NSFW pics and now [[Humanity Fuck Yeah]] threads on /tg/, it wouldn't be surprising if we followed in /v/'s footsteps. Halt the Hun - [[/tg/ gets shit done|contribute]] today!

==Nostalgia Filter==
Okay, time to rip off the Nostalgia Filter. [[/b/]] has not descended into a massive level of shit, it's everyone who has left it that has matured. The [[Slaanesh|immature,]] [[Nurgle|disgusting]] and [[Khorne|horrible]] humor of /b/ has been there from the beginning and now that you've matured you can see it for what it is. Those who complain about new members ruining /b/ have posted the exact same things while they were younger.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:1151643938588.png
Image:1160672302018.jpg|A fine /b/astard explaining the essence of /b/.
Image:1160675371745.jpg
Image:1153853565590.jpg
Image:1212704119621.jpg|/b/ as it was, strong and capable of punishing camwhores. Before the abomination known as Boxxy came along.
Image:1160933983882.png|This thread, of course, existed long before [[Katawa Shoujo]].
Image:1160634182482.jpg
Image:1158690502044.jpg
Image:1175572020398.png|/b/ has always been a fine entrepreneur of suicide methods.
Image:1193327526031.jpg|That stuff is like IcyHot, but less sciency and more homosexual.
Image:1185769350036.png
Image:Earthbound.jpg|A [[Classic Blunder]] on /b/, four months before /tg/ existed.
</gallery>

----

Has a [[Board-tans/b|Board-tan counterpart]].

----

[[Category:RAGE]]
[[Category:4chan|b]]

4chan

2016-08-04T05:06:22Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36:

[[Category:Imageboards]]
[[Category:4chan]]

4chan is the closest thing you can get to the asshole of the universe, in a good way. 4Chan was created by <strike>some cunt called</strike> the living hybrid and incarnation of the God Emperor, Tzeentch, and Slaanesh in the form of a man called [[moot]]. Almost anything can be posted and you can find damn near what you want under any of these tabs, but most contain porn of some form.
*Including Furry Porn.
**Including Transsexual Furry Porn.
***Including Transsexual Interracial Furry Porn.
****Including Transsexual Interracial Shitting Dick Nipple Furry Porn.
*****Don't make me continue.

Some boards are largely run and controlled by their [[Mod|moderators]], who are unpredictable teenage faggots with no idea how to manage groups of people. Exactly as Moot intended in all of his infinite wisdom. <s>You can only gripe about them on /q/, where they disguise themselves as anonymous and troll complaints relentlessly.</s> Scratch that. Moot got tired of having a board where his staff constantly outed themselves as corrupt misanthropes, so it's been deleted.

As of now, <s>Moot and the Moot State hold complete primacy over 4chan</s> disregard that, Moot's dead. Any disparaging discussion about our Glorious Leader will be deleted from all boards with the offending poster summarily executed. Only in this manner can 4chan hope to become a productive website competitive with the great foes, Facebook and Reddit. Posters are encouraged to write posts clearly, without connotation, and without presence of doublespeak if they want to avoid being banned from the world's most Prosperous and Prolific website.

{|border=0
|- valign=top
|
Japanese Culture
* [[Anime]] & [[Manga]]
* Anime/Cute
* Anime/Wallpapers
* Mecha
* Cosplay & EGL
* Cute/Male
* Flash
* Transportation
* Japan/General
Interests
* [[/v/|Video Games]]
* [[/co/|Comics & Cartoons]]
* Technology
* Television & Film
* Weapons
* Auto
* Animals & Nature
* [[/tg/|Traditional Games]]
* Sports
|
Creative
* Oekaki
* Papercraft & Origami
* Photography
* Food & Cooking
* Artwork/Critique
* Wallpapers/General
* Music
* Fashion
* Toys
Adult (18+)
* Sexy Beautiful Women
* Hardcore
* Hentai
* Ecchi
* Yuri
* [[/d/|Hentai/Alternative]]
* Yaoi
* Politics
* Torrents
* Rapidshares
|
Other
* Travel
* Health & Fitness
* Paranormal
* [[My Little Pony|Pony]]
Misc. (18+)
* [[/b/|Random]]
* Animated GIF
* Request
* High Resolution
* ROBOT9000
|}

== The boardgames of 4chan ==
4chan subforums explained so that elegan/tg/entlefolk can easily understand.
[[Image:4chan_gaming_basement.jpg|944px]]

== See Also ==
* [[Board-tans]]

4chan

2016-08-04T05:04:08Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36:

[[Category:Imageboards]]
[[Category:4chan]]

4chan is the closest thing you can get to the asshole of the universe, in a good way. 4Chan was created by <strike>some cunt called</strike> the living incarnation of the God Emperor/Tzeentch/Slaanesh in the form of a man called [[moot]]. Almost anything can be posted and you can find damn near what you want under any of these tabs, but most contain porn of some form.
*Including Furry Porn.
**Including Transsexual Furry Porn.
***Including Transsexual Interracial Furry Porn.
****Including Transsexual Interracial Shitting Dick Nipple Furry Porn.
*****Don't make me continue.

Some boards are largely run and controlled by their [[Mod|moderators]], who are unpredictable teenage faggots with no idea how to manage groups of people. Exactly as Moot intended in all of his infinite wisdom. <s>You can only gripe about them on /q/, where they disguise themselves as anonymous and troll complaints relentlessly.</s> Scratch that. Moot got tired of having a board where his staff constantly outed themselves as corrupt misanthropes, so it's been deleted.

As of now, <s>Moot and the Moot State hold complete primacy over 4chan</s> disregard that, Moot's dead. Any disparaging discussion about our Glorious Leader will be deleted from all boards with the offending poster summarily executed. Only in this manner can 4chan hope to become a productive website competitive with the great foes, Facebook and Reddit. Posters are encouraged to write posts clearly, without connotation, and without presence of doublespeak if they want to avoid being banned from the world's most Prosperous and Prolific website.

{|border=0
|- valign=top
|
Japanese Culture
* [[Anime]] & [[Manga]]
* Anime/Cute
* Anime/Wallpapers
* Mecha
* Cosplay & EGL
* Cute/Male
* Flash
* Transportation
* Japan/General
Interests
* [[/v/|Video Games]]
* [[/co/|Comics & Cartoons]]
* Technology
* Television & Film
* Weapons
* Auto
* Animals & Nature
* [[/tg/|Traditional Games]]
* Sports
|
Creative
* Oekaki
* Papercraft & Origami
* Photography
* Food & Cooking
* Artwork/Critique
* Wallpapers/General
* Music
* Fashion
* Toys
Adult (18+)
* Sexy Beautiful Women
* Hardcore
* Hentai
* Ecchi
* Yuri
* [[/d/|Hentai/Alternative]]
* Yaoi
* Politics
* Torrents
* Rapidshares
|
Other
* Travel
* Health & Fitness
* Paranormal
* [[My Little Pony|Pony]]
Misc. (18+)
* [[/b/|Random]]
* Animated GIF
* Request
* High Resolution
* ROBOT9000
|}

== The boardgames of 4chan ==
4chan subforums explained so that elegan/tg/entlefolk can easily understand.
[[Image:4chan_gaming_basement.jpg|944px]]

== See Also ==
* [[Board-tans]]

Tzeentch

2016-08-04T05:02:11Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36:

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself, [[Troll|"Hmmm...I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... KEKEKEKEKEKKEKEKEKEKKE... LOL! - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter''

''"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."''
-Friedrich Nietzsche

''"Manipulation, fueled with good intent, can be a blessing. But when used wickedly, it is the beginning of a magician's karmic calamity."''
-T.F. Hodge

''It's tragic from how far we've come from 'Hope and Change'.'' 
-Ted Cruz

{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds; featherporn ahoy! Oddly, this is one of the rare few visibly female Lords of Change, probably because birds don't usually have tits.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (pronounced Zeench) known as Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Cheap [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]] Ripoff, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, The Indecisive Mollusk and 9990 other names is the [[Chaos God]] of change, hope, lies, Ambition, mutation, [[Chaos|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavelli, politics, trolling, the internet, mindrape, progress, knowledge, and magic.

Tzeentch was born some time in the renaissance out of the minds of the human race and the Eldar, so he probably came to be in the 1600's or so in [[Warhammer 40k|40k]]. In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned'').
He is said to have an fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes, and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless..he could be Slaane-..*URGLBURGL*

Strangely, Tzeentch was often attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order. The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however in canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. Tzeentch got a good laugh out of this and received no negative consequences...

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.

Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the deceases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he didn't plan on the other three Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and [[Khaine|was shattered into countless fragments]]. Unlike a certain other god, he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle decides if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though.
Tzeentch also has has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]], and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into having a beef with [[Khorne]] which the former lost. Why did he do it? He did it for the lulz.

Just don't mention [[The Game (Tzeentch)|Creed]] around him...

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really. His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...)

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. There will only be the endless clatter of dice in [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]].

==Followers==
[[File:Tzeentchnette.jpg|490px|right|thumb|One of Tzeentch's most closely guarded secrets is that he has his own army of [[Daemonette]]'s too. However this particular breed is less interested in the sadomasochistic shit that their Slaaneshi brethren do and more interested in concocting interpret plans in ruining you forever. They are the manipulative bitch to the Daemonette's alpha bitch.]]
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

Tzeentch Daemons are:
* '''Pink Horrors''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of <s>psykers</s> sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeench they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are <s>fucking randomized bullshit</s> '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
*'''Blue Horrors''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell casted very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as the Blue Scribes. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
**'''Brimstone Horrors''': aka Yellow Horrors Reccent added in Age of Sigmar, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch when a blue horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire deamons.
* '''Flamers''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
* '''Screamers of Tzeentch''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought.
*'''Burning Chariots of Tzeentch''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal <s>randomized bullshit</s> '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
* '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]]. They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon Kairos Fateweaver, who was gifted the ability to to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.)
*Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeenchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of complete madman who hear voices, see future, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect. It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth.
*Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
*It is also to be noted that John Kramer aka Jigsaw is an accomplice of Tzeentch, <s>too bad he's dead now.</s> [[Just As Planned|He may be dead, but the game is far from over!]]
* Ryu is also a follower of Tzeentch as all of the fireball spam is a gift of his chaos patron.

==Facts==
* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch actually had a [[manga|manga]] in which he stars as himself. Demon Detective Neuro. A sadistic story about his oldself, Neuro, who is one of the most powerful daemon before grimdark, decided to break through to the human world and searching for "puzzles", which is like the "just as planned" energy created from the emotions of criminal's plotting. In order to achieve his never ending quest for puzzles, he had enslaved [[Nurgle|Yako, a girl who is able to eat a lot without getting fat]], forcing her to be famous to find more puzzles while torturing her with bdsm (no promotion was included, unless fanart). The fact Neuro can be known as Tzeentch sometimes, because his true form is like a [[Lord of Change|gigantic bird like face that constantly changing back and forth]] (although Kaidou-X is more suitable in terms of transformation). Later into the story, the manga turning from a mystery, slap stick comedy into the battle for human evolution, challenge by [[Omnissiah|generic evil super computer "HAL"]], [[Chaos Spawn| formless mutant name kaidou-X]], who enjoys to put everyone in a [[Cubes|cube]], and the most evil bastard known as [[Dark Eldar|"sicks", who enjoys to watch people sawing their own stomach]]. But Neuro manage to [[Just As Planned|beat the shit out of them in the most sadistic way as possible, even out dick the enemies tactics]] with the help of [[Cheese|777 demon tools and 7 demon Emperor weapons]]. The reasons for Neuro to not kill humans is to let the humans create more puzzles in the future (unless they are like [[Eldar|the new bloodline]], who fight for the survival of their own species), just like how Tzeentch only interest in constant plotting and planning that he would do anything to stop his brother gods from fucking up everything by creating and planning for the Chaos to exist forever. Oh, haven't mentioned Tzeentch is also the chaos god of evolution? and it is one of the primary theme in the manga.

* Tzeentch had a plan for [[Samus]], that he summoned his servant to "change" [[Samus]] for his glorious plan, curiously, within a day of this daemons, cultists, and thousand sons about to strike at terra from their daemon world started sending increasingly panicky distress signals concerning a woman in red, yellow, and purple armor tearing through them single handedly before the planet exploded spectacularly afterwards with the message of "see you next mission" being delivered to nearby imperial authorities.

* Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter want you to believe that every liberal is a dangerous acolyte of Tzeentch, because they ARE! But no one buys what they said because people view them as some sort of hypocritical Slaanesh type attention whore, which is exactly how Tzeentch predicts it happened. Just as planned.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* You know when your first puppy died? Tzeentch did that too.

* Tzeentch (much like <s>Santa Claus and Jesus</s> the NSA) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like <s>Santa Claus and Jesus</s> the NSA).

* * <s>Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because Khorne is very easy to string along.</s> {{BLAM|'''*SOUNDS OF HORRIFIC DISEMBOWELMENT OF THE WEAKLING, LIMP-WRIST TZEENTCH * FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YO.....WHY AM I WRENCHING NURGLE'S ETERNAL PUS SAC?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU....!'''*Explosion of things best not described*}} *''Just as planned''* (Khorne would never be able to actually find Tzeentch... a meathead like Khorne would spend eternity lost in Tzeentch's maze).

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hi-jinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to one being: Creed.

* Tzeentch is a very unorky god, and is neither morky nor gorky.

* Tzeentch is the only contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 7 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. To this day, Khorne still loathes magicks and anyone who uses them, which became evident when the [[World eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
** When asked what the hell he was talking about, Tzeentch said that World Eaters Librarians were always too pissed off to put any effort into their labyrinthine schemes, and this in turn pissed Tzeentch off, and he decided to fuck over the Khornate psykers. [[Azariah Kyras|Except for the one who kept his shit together]], Tzeentch says, but Tzeentch says lots of things.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the skull throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in winter assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/pyskic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of Paradox Poker-Pool-Roulette-Chess or PPPRC, a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of paradox poker-billiards-chess-roulette. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating Aces/Warhound class titans into the games one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has a Chronic Backstabbing Disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason.

* Created the number Zero just to fuck up division, because he didn't enjoy mathematics at School and wanted Teachers to struggle to explain how it works or doesn't - It worked just as Planned!

* Created the concept of Entropy just to fuck up Science, because he didn't enjoy Science at school and wanted Teachers to struggle to explain how it works or doesn't - It worked just as Planned!

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a <s>little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it (totally canon BTW).</s> Some Wizard of Oz pop-culture shit, GW is trolling.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Deathnote. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigam's themselves. He might possibly be the shinigami king, a ball like skull thing that even the author himself states that he is "too afraid" to design the fucker himself.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the deceiver and tzeentch battle and the deceiver wins tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently OVER 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
**You: So Tzeentch, you are the god of chaos?

**Tzeentch: Yes.

**You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?

**Tzeentch: Yes.

**You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?

**Tzeentch:............. returns to his lair to contemplate the implications of this statement

*Tzeentch is the reason the internets hyperlinks are Blue.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<gallery>
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change. We are all Tzeentchian now.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png| His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:666511 - Lord of Change TentacleMonsterChu TheTentacleMonster Tzeentch warhammer.jpg|This proves that Tzeentchian Daemons can sometimes be naughty too.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned~
</gallery>

{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Tzeentch

2016-08-04T05:00:03Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36:

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself, [[Troll|"Hmmm...I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... KEKEKEKEKEKKEKEKEKEKKE... LOL! - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter''

''"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."''
-Friedrich Nietzsche

''"Manipulation, fueled with good intent, can be a blessing. But when used wickedly, it is the beginning of a magician's karmic calamity."''
-T.F. Hodge

''It's tragic from how far we've come from 'Hope and Change'.'' 
-Ted Cruz

{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds; featherporn ahoy! Oddly, this is one of the rare few visibly female Lords of Change, probably because birds don't usually have tits.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (pronounced Zeench) known as Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Cheap [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]] Ripoff, the Lord of Nerds, [[b|/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, The Indecisive Mollusk and 9990 other names is the [[Chaos God]] of change, hope, lies, Ambition, mutation, [[Chaos|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavelli, politics, trolling, the internet, mindrape, progress, knowledge, and magic.

Tzeentch was born some time in the renaissance out of the minds of the human race and the Eldar, so he probably came to be in the 1600's or so in [[Warhammer 40k|40k]]. In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned'').
He is said to have an fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes, and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless..he could be Slaane-..*URGLBURGL*

Strangely, Tzeentch was often attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order. The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however in canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. Tzeentch got a good laugh out of this and received no negative consequences...

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.

Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the deceases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he didn't plan on the other three Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and [[Khaine|was shattered into countless fragments]]. Unlike a certain other god, he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle decides if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though.
Tzeentch also has has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]], and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into having a beef with [[Khorne]] which the former lost. Why did he do it? He did it for the lulz.

Just don't mention [[The Game (Tzeentch)|Creed]] around him...

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really. His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...)

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. There will only be the endless clatter of dice in [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]].

==Followers==
[[File:Tzeentchnette.jpg|490px|right|thumb|One of Tzeentch's most closely guarded secrets is that he has his own army of [[Daemonette]]'s too. However this particular breed is less interested in the sadomasochistic shit that their Slaaneshi brethren do and more interested in concocting interpret plans in ruining you forever. They are the manipulative bitch to the Daemonette's alpha bitch.]]
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

Tzeentch Daemons are:
* '''Pink Horrors''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of <s>psykers</s> sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeench they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are <s>fucking randomized bullshit</s> '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
*'''Blue Horrors''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell casted very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as the Blue Scribes. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
**'''Brimstone Horrors''': aka Yellow Horrors Reccent added in Age of Sigmar, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch when a blue horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire deamons.
* '''Flamers''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
* '''Screamers of Tzeentch''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought.
*'''Burning Chariots of Tzeentch''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal <s>randomized bullshit</s> '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
* '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]]. They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon Kairos Fateweaver, who was gifted the ability to to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.)
*Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeenchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of complete madman who hear voices, see future, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect. It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth.
*Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
*It is also to be noted that John Kramer aka Jigsaw is an accomplice of Tzeentch, <s>too bad he's dead now.</s> [[Just As Planned|He may be dead, but the game is far from over!]]
* Ryu is also a follower of Tzeentch as all of the fireball spam is a gift of his chaos patron.

==Facts==
* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch actually had a [[manga|manga]] in which he stars as himself. Demon Detective Neuro. A sadistic story about his oldself, Neuro, who is one of the most powerful daemon before grimdark, decided to break through to the human world and searching for "puzzles", which is like the "just as planned" energy created from the emotions of criminal's plotting. In order to achieve his never ending quest for puzzles, he had enslaved [[Nurgle|Yako, a girl who is able to eat a lot without getting fat]], forcing her to be famous to find more puzzles while torturing her with bdsm (no promotion was included, unless fanart). The fact Neuro can be known as Tzeentch sometimes, because his true form is like a [[Lord of Change|gigantic bird like face that constantly changing back and forth]] (although Kaidou-X is more suitable in terms of transformation). Later into the story, the manga turning from a mystery, slap stick comedy into the battle for human evolution, challenge by [[Omnissiah|generic evil super computer "HAL"]], [[Chaos Spawn| formless mutant name kaidou-X]], who enjoys to put everyone in a [[Cubes|cube]], and the most evil bastard known as [[Dark Eldar|"sicks", who enjoys to watch people sawing their own stomach]]. But Neuro manage to [[Just As Planned|beat the shit out of them in the most sadistic way as possible, even out dick the enemies tactics]] with the help of [[Cheese|777 demon tools and 7 demon Emperor weapons]]. The reasons for Neuro to not kill humans is to let the humans create more puzzles in the future (unless they are like [[Eldar|the new bloodline]], who fight for the survival of their own species), just like how Tzeentch only interest in constant plotting and planning that he would do anything to stop his brother gods from fucking up everything by creating and planning for the Chaos to exist forever. Oh, haven't mentioned Tzeentch is also the chaos god of evolution? and it is one of the primary theme in the manga.

* Tzeentch had a plan for [[Samus]], that he summoned his servant to "change" [[Samus]] for his glorious plan, curiously, within a day of this daemons, cultists, and thousand sons about to strike at terra from their daemon world started sending increasingly panicky distress signals concerning a woman in red, yellow, and purple armor tearing through them single handedly before the planet exploded spectacularly afterwards with the message of "see you next mission" being delivered to nearby imperial authorities.

* Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter want you to believe that every liberal is a dangerous acolyte of Tzeentch, because they ARE! But no one buys what they said because people view them as some sort of hypocritical Slaanesh type attention whore, which is exactly how Tzeentch predicts it happened. Just as planned.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* You know when your first puppy died? Tzeentch did that too.

* Tzeentch (much like <s>Santa Claus and Jesus</s> the NSA) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like <s>Santa Claus and Jesus</s> the NSA).

* * <s>Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because Khorne is very easy to string along.</s> {{BLAM|'''*SOUNDS OF HORRIFIC DISEMBOWELMENT OF THE WEAKLING, LIMP-WRIST TZEENTCH * FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YO.....WHY AM I WRENCHING NURGLE'S ETERNAL PUS SAC?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU....!'''*Explosion of things best not described*}} *''Just as planned''* (Khorne would never be able to actually find Tzeentch... a meathead like Khorne would spend eternity lost in Tzeentch's maze).

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hi-jinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to one being: Creed.

* Tzeentch is a very unorky god, and is neither morky nor gorky.

* Tzeentch is the only contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 7 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. To this day, Khorne still loathes magicks and anyone who uses them, which became evident when the [[World eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
** When asked what the hell he was talking about, Tzeentch said that World Eaters Librarians were always too pissed off to put any effort into their labyrinthine schemes, and this in turn pissed Tzeentch off, and he decided to fuck over the Khornate psykers. [[Azariah Kyras|Except for the one who kept his shit together]], Tzeentch says, but Tzeentch says lots of things.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the skull throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in winter assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/pyskic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of Paradox Poker-Pool-Roulette-Chess or PPPRC, a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of paradox poker-billiards-chess-roulette. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating Aces/Warhound class titans into the games one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has a Chronic Backstabbing Disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason.

* Created the number Zero just to fuck up division, because he didn't enjoy mathematics at School and wanted Teachers to struggle to explain how it works or doesn't - It worked just as Planned!

* Created the concept of Entropy just to fuck up Science, because he didn't enjoy Science at school and wanted Teachers to struggle to explain how it works or doesn't - It worked just as Planned!

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a <s>little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it (totally canon BTW).</s> Some Wizard of Oz pop-culture shit, GW is trolling.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Deathnote. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigam's themselves. He might possibly be the shinigami king, a ball like skull thing that even the author himself states that he is "too afraid" to design the fucker himself.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the deceiver and tzeentch battle and the deceiver wins tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently OVER 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
**You: So Tzeentch, you are the god of chaos?

**Tzeentch: Yes.

**You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?

**Tzeentch: Yes.

**You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?

**Tzeentch:............. returns to his lair to contemplate the implications of this statement

*Tzeentch is the reason the internets hyperlinks are Blue.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<gallery>
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change. We are all Tzeentchian now.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png| His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:666511 - Lord of Change TentacleMonsterChu TheTentacleMonster Tzeentch warhammer.jpg|This proves that Tzeentchian Daemons can sometimes be naughty too.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned~
</gallery>

{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

/b/

2016-08-04T04:53:56Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36:

{{stub}}
[[/b/]] is the "random" board/the chaos god of change's magnum opus, and the lowest pit of evil and [[chaos]] in [[4chan|the reaches of eternal damnation]] of the internet, some say it is the true home of the Chaos Gods and it is [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch's]] greatest creation since it is "pure chaos" embodied and cultivated for his own amusement. On [[4chan]], [[/b/]] is the most popular board of all - primarily since, like every other part of the internet, users don't need any logic or sense at all to "contribute" to it. It also [[Slaanesh|breaks all the boundaries of NSFW]] and if you were to be caught at work browsing /b/'s porno related threads, [[PROMOTIONS|you'd not only get fired but probably also get arrested]]. View at your own risk.

But since /k/, [[/co/]], [[/d/]], and [[/tg/]] were created, all the oldfags of /b/ left after noticing that the board had dropped to a level of shit that was much lower than their standards. /b/ is now plagued with newfagism and porn. Not unlike /a/.

Rumors persist that [[/v/]] has become the new /b/, plagued by butthurt and ripe for the [[troll]]-reaping. Due to constantly going off topic, posting NSFW pics and now [[Humanity Fuck Yeah]] threads on /tg/, it wouldn't be surprising if we followed in /v/'s footsteps. Halt the Hun - [[/tg/ gets shit done|contribute]] today!

==Nostalgia Filter==
Okay, time to rip off the Nostalgia Filter. [[/b/]] has not descended into a massive level of shit, it's everyone who has left it that has matured. The [[Slaanesh|immature,]] [[Nurgle|disgusting]] and [[Khorne|horrible]] humor of /b/ has been there from the beginning and now that you've matured you can see it for what it is. Those who complain about new members ruining /b/ have posted the exact same things while they were younger.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:1151643938588.png
Image:1160672302018.jpg|A fine /b/astard explaining the essence of /b/.
Image:1160675371745.jpg
Image:1153853565590.jpg
Image:1212704119621.jpg|/b/ as it was, strong and capable of punishing camwhores. Before the abomination known as Boxxy came along.
Image:1160933983882.png|This thread, of course, existed long before [[Katawa Shoujo]].
Image:1160634182482.jpg
Image:1158690502044.jpg
Image:1175572020398.png|/b/ has always been a fine entrepreneur of suicide methods.
Image:1193327526031.jpg|That stuff is like IcyHot, but less sciency and more homosexual.
Image:1185769350036.png
Image:Earthbound.jpg|A [[Classic Blunder]] on /b/, four months before /tg/ existed.
</gallery>

----

Has a [[Board-tans/b|Board-tan counterpart]].

----

[[Category:RAGE]]
[[Category:4chan|b]]

/b/

2016-08-04T04:53:12Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36:

{{stub}}
[[/b/]] is the "random" board/the chaos god of change magnum opus, and the lowest pit of evil and [[chaos]] in [[4chan|the reaches of eternal damnation]] of the internet, some say it is the true home of the Chaos Gods and it is [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch's]] greatest creation since it is "pure chaos" embodied and cultivated for his own amusement. On [[4chan]], [[/b/]] is the most popular board of all - primarily since, like every other part of the internet, users don't need any logic or sense at all to "contribute" to it. It also [[Slaanesh|breaks all the boundaries of NSFW]] and if you were to be caught at work browsing /b/'s porno related threads, [[PROMOTIONS|you'd not only get fired but probably also get arrested]]. View at your own risk.

But since /k/, [[/co/]], [[/d/]], and [[/tg/]] were created, all the oldfags of /b/ left after noticing that the board had dropped to a level of shit that was much lower than their standards. /b/ is now plagued with newfagism and porn. Not unlike /a/.

Rumors persist that [[/v/]] has become the new /b/, plagued by butthurt and ripe for the [[troll]]-reaping. Due to constantly going off topic, posting NSFW pics and now [[Humanity Fuck Yeah]] threads on /tg/, it wouldn't be surprising if we followed in /v/'s footsteps. Halt the Hun - [[/tg/ gets shit done|contribute]] today!

==Nostalgia Filter==
Okay, time to rip off the Nostalgia Filter. [[/b/]] has not descended into a massive level of shit, it's everyone who has left it that has matured. The [[Slaanesh|immature,]] [[Nurgle|disgusting]] and [[Khorne|horrible]] humor of /b/ has been there from the beginning and now that you've matured you can see it for what it is. Those who complain about new members ruining /b/ have posted the exact same things while they were younger.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:1151643938588.png
Image:1160672302018.jpg|A fine /b/astard explaining the essence of /b/.
Image:1160675371745.jpg
Image:1153853565590.jpg
Image:1212704119621.jpg|/b/ as it was, strong and capable of punishing camwhores. Before the abomination known as Boxxy came along.
Image:1160933983882.png|This thread, of course, existed long before [[Katawa Shoujo]].
Image:1160634182482.jpg
Image:1158690502044.jpg
Image:1175572020398.png|/b/ has always been a fine entrepreneur of suicide methods.
Image:1193327526031.jpg|That stuff is like IcyHot, but less sciency and more homosexual.
Image:1185769350036.png
Image:Earthbound.jpg|A [[Classic Blunder]] on /b/, four months before /tg/ existed.
</gallery>

----

Has a [[Board-tans/b|Board-tan counterpart]].

----

[[Category:RAGE]]
[[Category:4chan|b]]

Khorne

2016-08-04T04:44:19Z

2602:306:C5DE:1580:51F7:4F44:756C:BC36:

[[File:Khorne mark.png|center]]
[[File:khorne_by_baklaher-d7335e6.jpg|500px|thumb|right|The Big K. Sitting comfortably on his Skull Throne, being pissed off at everyone and everything.]]<div style="font-size:1.10em;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES! - The creed of Khorne being Overused to Death'''</div>

''"Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him."'' 
-Louis L'Amour

''"The important thing in life is not victory but combat: it is not to have vanquished but to have fought well."'' 
-Pierre de Coubertin

''"War is the father of all. 
— Heraclitus
{{heresy}}

==Introduction==
'''Khorne''', also known as Kharnath, Arkhar, Khorgar, [[Viking|Kjorn]], Khar, the Bloody Handed, the Axefather, the Bloodwolf, The Great Khorneholio, the Wolf-Father, Frowny Face McMurderaxe, Sergeant Slaughter, the Lord of Fighters, The Parapeligac Sociopath, and 8875 other names, is the [[Chaos God]] of war, murder, savagery, hatred, rage, wrath, battle, and [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs|manliness]] . He is also the mofo that the Klingons worship. As well as this he symbolises courage, athleticism, determination, daring, discipline, sportsmanship, honor, impulsiveness, and struggling onward in the face of any odds.

He is commonly held to be the strongest Chaos God by default, and is associated with wolves and powerful hunting dogs, as well as lions and bulls. For another reason that is likely inspired by occultism, Khorne's sacred number is eight - and thus, his followers tend to organize themselves into groups of eights and its multiples. Fun fact, this also means that the names of Khornate daemons are usually comprised of eight syllables.
[[File:SkullThrone.jpg|400px|right|thumb|The Big K in all his glory contemplating on whose rectum he is going to shove his chainaxe into with extreme prejudice.]]
Khorne, by virtue of being the most powerful Chaos God, is also the most powerful general "divinity" in both iterations of Warhammer. In both versions of Warhammer, his followers are characterized by an overbearing need to spill blood and engage in honest battle, as well as a violent code of martial honour and a "survival of the fittest" approach to morality. They tend to be dutiful, as well, but said duties involve whacking their axes into their enemy and painting their blood all over villages gargling their blood as mouthwash (if only because Khorne's only real command is to spill worthy blood in his name).

This is where Khorne and Slaanesh generally clash as enemy gods. While Khorne instills discipline, honor and a sense of selfless duty towards his followers to obey a single purpose (I.E: Spill blood in his name), Slaanesh is the polar opposite. Slaanesh instead tells his/her followers to do whatever they want for their own selfish pursuits for pleasure, not caring the consequences of such acts. (I.E: Using your authority to hoard food from your starving citizens, so you could indulge in bottomless gluttony everyday.)

This is also why Khorne is at odds with Tzeentch: Tzeentch sees things like honor and discipline as unnecessary hamstrings towards one's advancement and opts that everything is on the table when one wishes to further their position (I.E.: Why duel your Chaos Lord for his position when you could arrange for an "accident" to happen to him instead? Sure its a low-blow, but if your lord was too stupid to not see that betrayal coming, was he really deserving your loyalty?). The same can be said for his disdain of sorcery. Tzeentch thinks that mortals using the power of the gods themselves is fair game in their pursuit of progress (so long as you can control it), while Khorne thinks that using anything else but your own strength alone means you are weak and his "survival of the fittest" ideal has no place for you.

Khorne also has the distinction of being the only Chaos God whose word you can take at face value. They don't realize that disdain for scheming and backstabbing isn't the same as being stupid. Nor do they realize that over-complicating things is actually the worst thing a planner can do. Any plan that relies on more than one variable to succeed (ie: the vast majority of Tzeentch plots) is almost always doomed to fail ([[Just as Planned|that said Tzeentchian plans have divination included into them, eliminating most tactical miscalculations]], [[Not as Planned|unless Tzeentch wanted it to happen.]]). So you actually want results? Be practical. Involve only as many steps as you need (IE: Beat someone up, until they're reduced to a bloody smear on the ground).

Basically, Khorne isn't a stupid brute, he's actually pretty smart. The god of battles knows a thing or two about tactics and warfare. That said, Khorne's doctrine is inflexible. One, straightforward approach to anything (I.E.: Break everything in half) means that it all rides on an "all-or-nothing" deal. If his battering ram approach doesn't work, there's little to be done to salvage the situation beyond everyone dying a glorious death (normally this isn't the case for most battles, but the Khornates' overwhelming need to quench their eternally erect murderboners gets in the way of reorganization). Of course, if the plan does go as planned, there are only a few things that can stop the daemonically-possessed brake-less rape train smothered with bloody lube.

===Appearance===
Khorne is described as resembling a giant, iron-hewed warrior clad in red armour, with a massive SWORD and a winged helm that conceals a snarling face like that of a wolf. This humanoid form could be seen as something darkly meaningful, were it not for the fact that more or less everyone in both settings is conveniently human-shaped.

Of course, most artists at GW forget that he's supposed to look a giant Chaos Warrior and instead make him look like an overgrown Bloodthirster on a chair.

===Khorne and His Worship===
Khorne is the easiest god ever to worship. Where [[Tzeentch|other]] [[Slaanesh|more]] [[Nurgle|pussified]] gods may demand you to memorize overly long prayers and hymns, or to build huge houses of worship and other such unmanly bullshit, Khorne is venerated with one thing and one thing only: the time-honoured tradition of hack'n'slash.

Khorne is worshipped on the battlefield. His hymns are the sound of steel on steel, his prayers are the blows of hammer and axe and the bellowing of 'Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull throne!" and his sacrament is blood spilled in his name.

In essence, you worship Khorne by being a good warrior. And as a warrior, you'll find your interests and his tend to generally align; he wants death but isn't picky on who, and you want to live to fight another day. Thus, the mere act of preserving your life will earn the pleasure of the god of battle.

However, Khorne is one of those honourable war-gods. So don't think that beating your enemies by anything other than sheer strength, skill and aggression will make him happy. And for the love of Sigmar/Empra, don't try to cheat by picking fights with the weak or helpless or by giving him baby skulls. Khorne expects a form of savage, viking-esque dignity from his followers and for them to be generally [[Fist of the North Star|manly]], this means you have to fight worthy opponents and those generally able to at least hold up a sword. After the worthwhile enemies are out of the way; gorge yourself on the blood of women and children all you want. Most of the writers forget this, thinking that Khorne really gives no fucks about what you kill, and it makes Khorne [[Rage|snarl in anger]]. Though he continues to send his flesh-hounds to hunt down those who flee and abandon their brothers on the battlefield, be they Chaos or non-Chaos.

Aside from that, Khorne has no commandments whatsoever. But deviating from the aforementioned in the slightest is begging for the flesh-hounds to tear your ass apart.

Such as it is, it would be incorrect to think Khorne doesn't have priests dedicated to him. Though, being a warrior god, these priests tend to be warriors themselves and are often marked by their god. In essence, the only difference between them and a Chaos marauder/Space Marine is several pounds of armour. In Warhammer Fantasy, these priests are called 'Bloodfathers', and in lieu of magic that is gifted to their priests by other gods, Khorne just gives [[AWESOME|HOLYSHITAWESOME]] fighting skills and visions of bloodshed.

Khorne is also venerated by working brass into your armour and weapons and donning fashionable high collars. Occasionally, a warrior so pleases Khorne that he gifts him with specially made ones that in addition to looking fabulous can also grant total fucking immunity to magic.

Anyway, Khorne is worshiped by warriors, generals and basically anyone who likes battle. His chosen Space Marines legion is of course the World Eaters, in Warhammer Fantasy, the Norscans tend to venerate him with the greatest piety, especially the Aesling tribe, who are Khorne's most devoted servants in Fantasy.

===Khorne's take on magic===
As posted by an Anon some time ago, he perfectly summed up what Khorne's opinion on magic is: FUCK WIZARDS!!!!

Okay, here's what the "FUCK WIZARDS" thing means.

Note that the hate of psykers/wizards/etc is pretty much the exact same and works by the same logic for both Khornates and the SoB/Black Templar/etc. Its a [[Conan the Barbarian|Conan-esque]] kind of swords and sorcery thing. Khornates hate wizards for [[3e|trivializing encounters with a single spell and overshadowing fighters]]. They hate turning what should be a military endeavor into a weird wizard show where people turn into frogs. They hate Slaaneshi for the same reason, they take what should be a wholesome murder fest and make it into something creepy and weird, what with them "discomporting themselves with the dead" and all that. In Realms of Chaos, its entirely possible for a librarian or wizard to go to Khorne. They just refrain from using their powers, and only use their psi/magic (in combat) to resist spells from that point onward.

They are okay with laser beams. They are okay with sniper rifles. They are okay with flaming swords. They are okay with running people over with tanks. They are okay with chemical gas. They are okay with exterminatus. They are okay with holocausts. They are okay with blitzkriegs. They are okay with honorable duels at dawn.

They are not okay with turning people to frogs, mind controlling people, raining glitterdust from the skies to blind everyone, raising armies of zombies to do the killing for you, and so forth. They are not okay with someone pointing their finger and you dropping dead. They are okay with rituals to summon demons. They are okay with navigating the warp without crashing into suns. They are okay with sending astropathic messages. They are okay with chaining wizards up and forcing them to eternally forge magic items on pain of death.

You may consider it hypocritical that Khornates are okay with blatantly unfair TECHNOLOGICAL murder, but not okay with blatantly unfair MIND/MAGICAL murder, but the point, or at least one interpretation, is that wizards/psykers fucking cheat. They do. They steal the power of the Warp for their own ends. As long as they stay in line, and do nothing but permit the warrior to enact his craft, fine, let them live, albeit in terror, enslaved by chains of brass until the day they are no longer useful, at which point their skulls can join Khorne's throne.

But stealing the Gods' own fire and using it to do what mortals should do through their own skill and strength is unacceptable. Remember that technology is completely valid to Khorne. Stealth is completely valid to Khorne. Skill is completely valid to Khorne. Cleverness is completely valid to Khorne. The nuclear bomb and other innovations that come after it could be seen to be unfair. But it is a mortal invention. Mortals should give honor to Khorne by murdering each other through the sweat of their brow.

The scientist who devises new ways to kill is a saint. His work can be put to any other use -- [[Slaanesh|enriching human life]], [[Nurgle|ending hunger, fighting diseases]], [[Tzeentch|answering great questions]]. But the scientist who devises new bombs and weapons is, in his own way, a champion of Khorne. He takes his limitless human potential and nobly limits himself to new ways to kill. Whether you kill with a sword or a bomb, you are killing using good old fashioned mortal strength and genius. You aren't stealing warp energy from the gods in the form of a fireball and cravenly calling it your own.

The forger of enchanted weapons, though deserving of slavery and abuse as all wizards are until the day they die, is an ideal symbol. It is fitting that spell energy be subjugated to and entombed within cold steel, just as wizards deserve to be subjugated to warriors until they lie cold and headless in the ground or else burnt to ash. The magic weapon is a symbol of might's superiority to magic.

The jury is still out on whether or not Khorne is okay with magically imbued people.

Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne! When the Galaxy burns, we will define righteousness!

tl;dr Magic is unmanly, grab a sword and go kill like real men do already.

===Khorne and other Chaos gods===
[[File:Khornettes of Khorne.jpg|490px|right|thumb|While the daughters of Khorne tries to compete with Slaanesh's [[Daemonette]]'s in the sluttyness department. They often fail due to their monthly [[Sisters of Battle|'Red Rage']] which often ends up eviscerating any poor sod trying to get into third base, pleasing both Khorne (For the blood and gore) and Slaanesh (For the really rough 'happy time') at the same time.]]
As a rule, Khorne despises [[Slaanesh]] because s/he's an effeminate milk-sop who can't grow a beard or swing an axe like she's got a pair (even though she's probably got the biggest pair, but less on that), and also because s/he personifies acting outwardly (ie: seeking the deaths of others), while Slaanesh acts inwardly (ie: pleasuring him-/herself). Khorne also finds Slaanesh's obsession with luxury and torture wasteful and dishonorable. Slaanesh is about living it up while Khorne is about tearing it the fuck down.

Khorne also hates [[Tzeentch]], though they are not fundamental rivals, because his reliance on magic is seen as a sign of weakness and his desire not to face his foes in person is decried by Khorne as cowardly. Khorne sees his penchant for deceit and trickery as dishonorable. Also Khorne prefers muscles over books.

Khorne thinks he hates [[Nurgle]] also, because the fat fuck doesn't even try to get shit done. Thus, his embodiment as sloth runs contrary to the active, vital aspect of Khorne, but he's all for death if its by homicide or genocide.

Of all the Chaos gods, Khorne actually hates [[Malal]] the least. For one thing, he respects the lost god for sticking to his guns: he hates the other gods, wants them dead and is actively working towards that goal. Since Nurgle just sits there being a scabby procrastinator, Tzeentch just has to have his fingers in everyone's business and Slaanesh is fucking Slaanesh (no literally, s/he is fucking him/herself right now, go look if you don't believe me), this is something Khorne can sympathize with. Also, Malal is the only chaos god to put up a halfway decent fight when Khorne manages to find him, which would mean that they would be best buds if Malal wasn't a self destructive, omnicidal lunatic.

In short he hates everyone and pissed at everyone, including you even if you worship him(usually its a matter how pissed it is at you). And they hate him too. Except Nurgle, who's too nice to hate anyone.
Except Tzeentch. The know-it-all, indecisive, over-thinking, birdy bastard...

===Khorne and non-Chaotic Gods===
Well, [[Ulric]] is his little brother and they tend to get along rather well. Ulric's still ridiculing Khorne over the fact that one of his greatest champions, Haargroth, got his head smashed in by Ulric's Ar-Ulric, Khorne usually replies by pointing out that ''Storm of Chaos'' isn't canon anymore. Not that that stops Ulric. Khorne and Ulric often get into arguments over which one of them is moar Viking; with Khorne usually winning by pointing out that his top worshipers actually are Vikings and that he has a Valkyrie. They also settle this with arm wrestling and drinking contests. There's a lot of belligerence, but you can sense the brotherly love underneath. Indeed, it's kind of a [[Fist of the North Star|Raoh/Ken relationship]].

Despite both being war-gods, Khorne has a poor relationship with [[Myrmidia]]. Khorne, despite being a master of tactics and sieges and the finer points of warfare, vastly prefers a manly head-on charge, and Myrmidia's sissy "planning" approach to warfare therefore offends Khorne. Most meetings between the Blood God and the Maiden of Strategy end with the Blood God fuming impotently because his strict code of martial honour does not permit him to hit girls (or pull their hair) and retreating to his tree house.

Khorne is the only Chaos God who tolerates Sigmar because he thinks he's pretty bad-ass AND respects the idea of a mortal man becoming a god. That and Sigmar's comic book series, Sigmar the Emprahrian, has great splashpages of fights and no SWORDSWORDSWORDS. However, this tolerance is only one-sided, and while Khorne respects him, it doesn't mean he won't try to put an axe in his head for being an sworn enemy of Chaos.

When asked about the [[Emperor]], Khorne usually responds with a streaming torrent of bloody curses and oaths which causes a bloody froth to start leaking from his helmet. In short, he is remarkably indifferent to the old man.

Khorne is utterly sick and tired of anyone who dares associate him with [[Khaine|40Khaine]]. Before eviscerating anyone who makes that connection, he will often explain on how Khaine is an honourless god of murder and sadism while he himself is a god of honourable and forthright battle and courage, and how sadism is contrary to his code (Khorne indeed used to be about honorable combat, but now he's just about mindless violence and hating everyone for either piss-poor reasons or for no reason at all. Goddammit, GW). Khorne then reiterates that Khaine's elfishness and love for scantily clad women is sickening and makes him more like Slaanesh... Of course, this is just a front on Khorne's part. Khaine's love of war combined with his elfness and that his most ardent worshippers are scantily-clad women proves Khaine to be the secret love-child of Khorne and Slaanesh (tsundere confir- *sounds of violent, painful evisceration* '''{{Blam|WHO DARES? IN MY OWN PAGE, OF ALL THINGS? FUCK YOUUUUUUUU}}''' [[Slaanesh|Search your feelings you know it to be true]].

That being said, Khaine does have a dual nature in Fantasy thanks to being worshiped by [[Dark Elves]] and paid respect to by [[High Elves]], where one side is indeed honorable and just wants to keep fighting and being badass which means Khorne can tolerate him approximately half the time. The fact that both are patrons of [[Blood Bowl]] teams is usually the common ground, with Khaine and Khorne crashing/trashing some other God's house to watch on game nights while downing can after can of Bloodweisers and shoveling Dwarf Rinds in their faces. Khaine periodically tries to invade the realm of Khorne whenever the Khornate team beats the Dark Elf team, with such meetings ending with Khorne individually breaking every bone in his body and spitting on the pain-wracked heap. When Khaine's team beats Khorne's, Khorne takes out his aggression by beating the fuck out of Slaanesh while Dark Elves go on safari hunting [[Warriors of Chaos|Khorne's worshipers]].

Khorne has absolutely no patience for the [[Horned Rat]], who is a favorite of Nurgle and Tzeentch respectively. It's a weak vermin whose very existence pisses him off. As a result, Khorne is much more fond of [[Sotek]] who encourages killing the fuck out of [[Skaven]] whenever they appear, and is also a fan of blood sacrifice (the fact that Sotek wants hearts and cares nothing for skulls is reassuring since they don't intrude on each other's fetish); this fondness is entirely one-sided.

Like the other Chaos Gods, Khorne has no fucking clue what the Great Maw is. However, it doesn't seem to complain when [[Ogre Kingdoms|Ogres]] worship Khorne, so he's got nothing against him...her...it...schclim...whatever, the big god-thing that wants to eat.

The pantheon of the [[Tomb Kings]] mostly stick to themselves, so Khorne only knows they exist..

Khorne is impressed with the [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] race by the fact they're the epitome of honor and glorious valor. On the other hand, their entire race has been tricked by a single fucking Elf Goddess into doing their every command which fills Khorne with incomprehensible fury. As it stands, the first being that's going to get the axe when Khorne manages to get an avatar to manifest in the material plane is Lileath.

[[Mork]] and [[Gork]]/Gork and Mork are Khorne's old drinking buddies. They piss him off more than any other beings in existence, but after a good 3-way beatdown and a few billion cases of squig beer he realizes they're alright company.

Khorne has a feeling that he'd get along with the gods of the [[Dwarfs]], but even their introductions (being long ass winded descriptions of their primary worshipers and their lineages) irritate him so much he can't even get into a conversation with them. One of them is STILL giving his own introduction, and has been for about 20,000 years or so now (and he hasn't even reached the changes that have happened since he started). Unable to make him aware of what's going on around him, Khorne simply moved him into the guest room and bricked it off with a wall of skulls.

==His portrayal in Warhammer Fantasy==
He's a half-way mythologically accurate version of [[Viking|Odin]], whose very name means Fury (and one translation means 'frenzy'). You could also make the case that Khorne is Thor minus any protective instincts towards humanity, as both are whirling vortices of blood and spit who are associated with the colour red and its connotation of anger.

No, that's it. Get the fuck out; he's an axe-crazy, psychopathic, evil-as-balls daemonic version of Odin - so basically the Norse god of wisdom, with wisdom actually treated the way Vikings would have recognised. Currently there's a bit of a debate about how much of Odin he represents (see discussion page) so this bit will list the similarities and some of the differences.

Well, for one thing, Chaos worshipers in Warhammer Fantasy actually are Vikings. Read about them [[Warriors of Chaos|here]]. Secondly, Khorne is closely associated with wolves in that setting (one of Odin's names literally translates to 'Battle Wolf'), and even has a wolf-like pet in Karanak, thus, fulfilling a role similar to Freki and Geri, or more closely, Garmr. Also, it's revealed in Knight of the Realm that Khorne owns two hunting wolves/giant fleshounds called Garmr and Gormr, with whom he partakes in a wild hunt across the heavens.

Another point of similarity is that both Odin and Khorne are war gods explicitly connected with berserker rage. They have their own warrior-cults associated with them who fight with said rage and Odin's Olfhednar are practically the same as Khorne's Chosen in both form and function.

Additionally, thanks to Valkia, Khorne also has a Valkyrie to further the similarity between him and Odin. This was inevitable, of course, given that the Warriors of Chaos are indeed an evil version of the Vikings as has already been stated. It should also be noted that Valkia's similarity to the Valkyries is not a superficial one. She is actually referred to as 'the Sword-Maiden of the Blood God' in the WoC codex, and is Khorne's Chooser of the Slain who carries those worthy champions and warriors of his to fight on in the Blood God's halls after death.

Finally, we got a glimpse of his neck of the Realm of Chaos in the Valkia novel written by Sarah Cock-well. It was basically Chaos Valhalla, and here's some of his quotes:

"A cleaved head no longer plots." "A head stuck on a pike no longer conspires." "Put to the sword they who disagree."

Now for the differences, aside from the obvious physical ones Odin also scries, it's woman's magic taught to him by Frigg and Freya. He's got the rage, yeah, but he's also all about fate and averting ragnarok (directly opposed to Khorne's goals). We see this in the Havamal, Grimnismal, the Voluspa, and the Lokasenna. Hell, in Lokasenna, we learn he cross dresses, ie was tied into shamanic practices (Indo-Europeans have a thing for seers in drag). He can also get to Tzeentch levels with his planning and Odin's perfectly fine with Runic magic, whereas Khorne hates that shit.

==Champions Of Khorne==
===In 40K===
Because most fa/tg/uys are idiots and newfags who likely don't know that another Warhammer existed long before bolters and power armour. And this makes the Blood God snarl in anger.

* [[Kharn the Betrayer]]: Embodiment of Crazy Awesome and Patron Saint of fun guys everywhere. Kharn is Khorne's greatest mortal champion in 40K and has a wholly deserved reputation as a team-killing nuts:o. Once upon a time, Kharn was a straight-laced, meticulous Assault Captain of the World Eaters 8th company. But [[Horus Heresy|after a certain chain of events]] dedicated himself wholly to Khorne, thus becoming one of the most fucking lethal warriors in the galaxy as well as probably the most religiously devoted of Khorne's servants. Also notable for shattering two entire Space Marine legions by himself with a flamethrower in a single night. Despite this, since his first appearance (where he was no different from other Berzerkers) he became more and more coolheaded when not in combat (and even then there are moments when he is coolheaded in combat).

* [[Angron]]: '''HE! GETS! SHIT! DONE!!!''''. Khorne's foremost Daemon Prince alongside Doombreed. PERIOD.

* [[Doombreed]]: Khorne's greatest Daemon Prince ever and possibly either Genghis Khan or Turgeis the Devil IRL. Notable for launching an actually successful Dark Crusade that wiped out two Space Marine chapters. Which is more than a [[Abaddon|certain armless failure has pulled off]].

* [[Svane Vulfbad]]: EVEN IN 40K KHORNE'S CHOSEN ARE VIKINGS. Svane Vulfbad is motherfucking badass [[Awesome|Chaos Terminator Space Wolf Chaos Lord]] who grew tired of the Imperium's sickening effeminate inability to GET SHIT DONE and the Space Wolves' sickening fur-fetishes and instead decided to dedicated himself to a god worthy of his kickassery. He thus became a badass Chaos Lord dedicated to Khorne (because a berserker god of war who likes axes meshes well with Vikings) and slaughtered a shitton of Space Wolves despite being outnumbered and escaped Harald Deathwolf. He is currently rampaging throughout the Imperium. He has the best facial hair in all of 40k.

* [[Crull]]: A Chaos Lord from Winter Assault notable only for making idiotic statements, and utilizing Sorcerers in his warband when there's some possessing to be done. Also has a weird way of saying "drown".

* [[Azariah Kyras]]: A Librarian who somehow became a Champion of Khorne and who ascended to daemonhood. Presumably, his [[Awesome|speaking skills were great enough that the Blood God was able to give him slight leeway in regards to the 'no Psyker rule']], likely because he was a philosopher of carrion and slaughter, showing Khorne's way as freedom, freedom in meaningless, in mindlessness, which he accuses the functionings of the universe of. Khorne loves that stuff, existentialism for skulls, especially when it's an arch-traitor responsible for the deaths of billions, then declaring openly his allegience of Chaos to his fellow Mehreens as he is about to ascend as one of the most powerful daemon princes ever. A psyker who uses psykic powers to bring about good old kinetic Exterminatus, their reputation to raise covert cults of slaughter, discover their lust for combat and seek to encompass it, and ultimatedly be the poster child of Khornist Existentialism is to good of a chance for Khorne to pass up, who either wins against the galaxy or gets to devour Kyras' soul in a good long bloodbashing and probably still make a good Greater Daemon of Khorne out of him, probably the one and only Chaos tactical genius who could actually lead a Black Crusade properly. That's another reason Khorne likes him. Kyras' no funny business style of simply tearing a sector apart however possible tends to draw other Chaos God devotees under the wing of a Khornate champion. Here is the speech of doom that he gives the player's army (before the last level of the game ) or per canon, the Blood Ravens following Captain Diomedes before the climax:

"Faithful... enlightened... ambitious... brethren.

In but a single decade, a few mere swipes of the pendulum, we have gathered a sacrifice to Khorne that will be made legend.Though it was a simpler, weaker voice that illuminated me during my centuries upon the Judgement of Carrion... it was Khorne's messenger that showed me the true path of freedom from our pathetic corpse-Emperor.

And what is this path? This meaning, this purpose to which we gather the skulls of our foes? It is nothing. There is no meaning, no purpose. We murder. We kill. It is mindless savagery, this UNIVERSE IS MINDLESS!

In mere hours, billions will die. Innocent! Guilty! Strong and weak! Honest and deceitful! ALL of them! They will scream, they will burn, and for no purpose but that mighty Khorne may revel in their bloodshed! And united in this void of purpose, fear, or duty... we shall at long last be free!

BLOOD! FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!! SKULLS! FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!! LET... THE GALAXY... BUUUURRRRNNN!!!"

Also notable as the single longest-to-fucking-kill-boss in the history of the Dawn of War series other than [[Ulkair]]. '''FUCK'''. Still, pure undiluted awesome.

===In Fantasy===
'''VIKINGS!!!''' '''VIIIIIIIIIIIIKIIIIIIIIIIIIINNGSSSSSSSS!!!'''

* [[Valkia the Bloody]]: A pissed off badass Valkyrie who chooses who will fight on in the Halls of the Blood God after they die in glorious battle. She managed to kill a motherfucking DAEMON PRINCE as a lowly, un-Marked, un-augmented human in SINGLE COMBAT to earn Khorne's favour, CUT ITS FUCKING HEAD OFF, AND THEN CARRIED IT BACK TO THE NORTH TO PLACE AT THE FOOT OF THE SKULL THRONE. And then she died on the way. But Khorne was so impressed by this badassery/ pissed off by her death, he resurrected her as a fucking Daemon Princess. Now she flies around the battlefields of the world slaughtering anything that looks at her funny and bearing Norsemen to the Khorne's place for a glorious afterlife of fighting and drinking. She is also far more attractive than anything of Slaanesh's menagerie, much to the Prince of Pleasure's eternal rage and the Bloodfather's great amusement, primarily due to having hair.

* Garmr Hrodvitnir: A Chaos Lord of Khorne who managed to almost kill Gotrek Fucking Gurnisson in a fight. 'Nuff said.

* Hrothgar Daemonaxe: A Chaos Lord who only had his rules and miniatures released at a Games Day. He had the statline of a Bloodthirster. His miniature also depicts him throttling an elf, which makes him a good person.

* Arbaal the Undefeated: Nicknamed 'Arbaal the Easily Defeatable' due to his rules from Champions of Chaos having been shockingly awful. Arbaal's been effectively retcon'd out of existence under the excuse that he's journeyed into the Realm of Chaos to challenge Khorne himself to a fight. Good luck with that.

* Scyla Anfingrimm: The greatest You-Know-What ever to walk the earth. Scyla was a Chaos Lord of Khorne who got one too many mutations before his time and devolved into a YKW. But he's the most badass YKW ever, and is a leadership 10 general. Which is impressive considering the only thing he can say is "'''KILL FOR KHORNE! KILL FOR KHORNE! KILL FOR KHORNE!'''".

* Valmir Aesling: A Norscan king and Champion of Khorne who destroyed the Norse Dwarf Hold of Kraka Drak. Managed to get a fucking Daemon Prince to work for him, slaughtered a metric fuck-ton of Norse Dwarfs (roughly 8 times the manliness of a regular Dwarf and thus worth 24 Space Wolves). [[Awesome|Also rode a motherfucking chariot pulled by skinless bears]].

* Egil Styrbjorn: A Norscan High Yarl of the Skaeligs and probably the greatest epitome of manliness a Chaos Warrior devoted to Khorne can achieve. He slew a lot and took names, kicked Bretonnian arses, sexed many women yet never got a proper heir (only daughters). It was so bad for him that he adopted a boy that became later his personal shamanistic seer and advisor...that is until he banged a Kurgan Sorceress that was prophesied by said shaman to bear Egil's son, yet the damned cheese eating surrender monkeys took her and his unborn son away, which he answered them with apocalyptic RAAAAAGE and titanic slaughter (added that said Sorceress wanted to sacrifice the unborn child for immortality actually made this a good situation). And thus there was an epic campaign to retrieve the boy. Wields two badass flaming axes called Garmr and Gormr. Really dislikes the Lady of the Lake and other Southerner gods. So manly he is that he let a Grail Knight stab him only to throw back his sword to him. Also known for embodying Khorne's tactical take on war, which he mercilessly used against the Bretonnian Knights that stubbornly charged his warriors head on (until said knights realized that they were duped and slaughtered in seconds).

==Fun Khorne Facts==
*A possible factor in Khorne's birth was the Aztecs, who basically worshiped the guy (Hint: BLOOD SACRIFICE) and might have chucked him into existence along with the mongols.
*Doombreed, Khorne's second daemon prince servant, might actually be Genghis Khan himself.
*Khorne's color scheme (red, brass and black) is almost the same as the German flag's colour scheme (just replace brass with gold [and brass and gold are already fairly similar in colour]). Mein Führer? I zink zis is not a coinzidinz.

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<gallery>
Image:Khornate.JPG|Khorne's followers off the battlefield. REVERSE ARMWRESTLE!!!
Image:khornewaffel.JPG|Waffles for the Blood God!
Image:Khornetrainer.JPG|Khorne's trainers prefer violent Pokémon.
Image:khorneberserker.png|Would have been a somewhat adequate picture, had they taken the right photographs of the actual Berzerkers. Lulz.
Image:Khorne_tattoo.jpg|Mark of Khorne.
Image:Free like a riding demon by Ragathol.jpg|Khornette.
Image:Backwardsthrone.jpg|Just as Planned. Always. As. Planned.
File:Khornette.jpg|Khorne wants to know why the drawfags never give them noses.
File:Tea Time.jpg|In the grim darkness of the far future, there is still time for tea...
File:Khorne-Art.jpg|Warriors of Chaos: making everything in 40K look like bitches since 2002.
Image:You're_madder_than_Khorne.png|There '''is''' such a thing as being too mad for Khorne!
Image:Khorneholiover2.png |The Great Khorneholio. He needs blood and skulls for his bunghole.
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Nine months later Khaine was born...
Image:Anon_pleases_Khorne.png|Anon begins his trail to becoming a Khorne Berserker.
Image:Khorne Flakes.jpg|The tastiest of all! Add blood for more flavor.
</gallery>

==See also==

*[[Brass]]
*[[Berserker]] - Chaos Space Marines with Axes and a bad attitude.
*[[Angron]] - Daemon prince of Khorne and the Primarch of World Eaters.
*[[World Eaters]]
*[[Khârn|Khârn the Betrayer]] - A pretty fun guy to be around.
*[[Valkia_the_Bloody]] - Scarousal in it's purest form.
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Khorne_Daemonkin(7E)|Tactics/Khorne Daemonkin]] - That's right, meatsacks! The servants of Khorne have their own codex!
*[[Rage]]
*[[Sorcerers of Khorne]] - Double heresy!
*[[Doombreed]] - One angry son of a bitch.
* This pretty much sums up his forces: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-gSJW3sHXE&feature=channel_video_title
*[[Katanas_are_Underpowered_in_d20#Khorne_is_underpowered_in_40k|Khorne is underpowered in 40k]]
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vljHBXA3UKE - death metal song devoted to Khorne.
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8mEOiI4pjs - trash metal song summing up Khorne pretty well.
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUB9QGKCNmI - a bunch of anime Khorne worshippers. Better than it sounds.
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8mEOiI4pjs - another metal song devoted to Khorne. This one is official.

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[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]]