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JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

2016-09-08T15:54:13Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:7921:1E21:213E:C7BA: /* Terms and Stuff You Need to Know */

[[File:Jojo Logo.png|thumb|right|English logo for Jojo's Bizarre Adventure.]]
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If there is one thing you should know about Jojo's Bizarre Adventure before you delve into it, it should be this one thing:

It's dumb. ''It's so fucking dumb... And yet it works.''

While the the story varies wildly based on the arc, it has a basic synopsis. It covers the multi-generational (and eventually multiversial) heroism of the Joestar family, who are constantly getting involved in all sorts of weird shit that results in epic, crazy, surprisingly clever fights and super-manly scenes. The title comes because each generation's Joestar has a name starting with "JO", resulting in the familial nickname of "JoJo". Although technically you can just pick up any saga at random, it's slightly easier to follow along if you read from the beginning. ''Slightly''.

Starting in 1987 by manga artist Hirohiko Araki, Jojo has had an influence on not only Japanese anime and manga but internet culture as a whole. List a common anime trope, chances are that Jojo is either the originator or made that theme very famous. Cheering sidekicks, multiple chapter battles, attacks that defy every conventional belief you can dream of, ''flamboyant poses,'' you name it.

It's most well-known incarnation is probably Stardust Crusaders, mostly for how iconic Jotaro and Dio were as well as the popularity from the OVA and fighting game.

==JoJo and /tg/==
[[File:Pillarstodes.jpg|thumb|right|Wamuudes, Custodisi, and Karstodes; the personal guardians to the Emperor of Mankind.]]
JoJo is one of three anime/manga that /tg/ will openly admit they like, the other two being [[Berserk]] and [[Fist of the North Star]]. Hell, the early art style of JoJo is heavily inspired by FotNS, even Jonathan's outfit being very similar to Kenshiro's. Like the two aforementioned manga, JoJo is considered the to be an extremely manly series, with a predominantly male cast and the protagonists usually kicking ass to get to their objective without much thinking. However, at the same time it is flamboyantly gay, with many male characters being shirtless or wearing revealing clothing and striking strange/fabulous poses, making its relationship with /tg/ somewhat confusing and [[skub|conflicted]] considering that /tg/ usually shies away from most stuff that is homosexual. One could say it's because it's like a breath of fresh air how silly it is, or the end goal of each arc is ultimately pretty simple; protagonist has to beat the shit out of and/or kill the big bad, end of story. The tone of any arc can change in an instant, becoming dumb and happy to dire and [[grimdark]] within a couple chapters. It's also because the action is often to awesome that fa/tg/uys turn a blind eye to the gay stuff. Or we just love it that way, since that's mostly what made JoJo popular in the first place. Plus Araki puts ''scads'' of references to classic rock and metal into Jojo, so that helps too.

We've had several Quest threads on /tg/ that relate to JoJo, the most popular being the multi-part [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=JoJo%20Guardsman%20Quest| Guardsman's Bizarre Adventure]. We also have Super Stand Sunday, when /tg/ comes together and makes their own Stand every (you guessed it) Sunday.

The /tg/ interpretation of the [[Eversor]] Assassin is pretty much Dio Brando, down to him striking his trademark pose and crying "WRYYYY" before proceeding to cut up whatever enemy is in his way. But probably the most popular /tg/-JoJo relation, however, comes in the form of the YouTuber Bruva Alfabusa's "[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]]" series, where he makes several references to JoJo throughout the series. The most popular reference is definitely the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9w_uoUHgiE| Pillarstodes]; Adeptus Custodes based on the Pillar Men from Battle Tendency. This actually isn't that far off the mark since there is in fact official (albeit old) art of shirtless Custodes. Still, the Pillarstodes are quite flamboyant and hedonistic, but nonetheless they're also kickass.

Of course, there's also a RPG based off of JoJo, [https://desu-usergeneratedcontent.xyz/tg/image/1444/25/1444251939283.pdf here.]

It wouldn't be surprising if Hirohiko Araki himself was a fa/tg/uy himself. He's mentioned in some lectures and interviews that he decided to create an RPG/board game-style system for JoJo where characters travel to different places to fight enemies, as seen in Stardust Crusaders and onward.

==Generation Sagas==
===Part 1: Phantom Blood===
[[File:Phantom Blood.jpeg||thumb|right|150px|''Phantom Blood'' cover]]
Here's where it all begins. And aside the looks and clothes of some of the characters, this is the less "gayish" arc of all. A Victorian Aristocrat in the 1880s named George Joestar is the only survivor of a horrible carriage crash. Mistaking the depraved scavenger Dario Brando as a Good Samaritan who tried to help him, he offers the Cockney lowlife a favor, to be called in whenever Dario wishes. Eventually, Dario dies, but sends his son - the ruthlessly ambitious, amoral and driven Dio Brando - to live at the Joestars, calling in his favor to get George to adopt the lad. This leads to much suffering for George's actual son, the goodhearted - if rather dimwitted - Jonathan Joestar, as Dio wants JoJo's place and starts to bully him horribly. Even ''burning his fucking dog alive'' just to get back at him! This all comes to a boil when it turns out he's poisoning George, a confrontation that leads to him using a mysterious stone mask to become a vampire. So, with the aid of mysterious vampire-killing martial artist, Baron Zeppelli, Jonathon masters the art of Ripple/Hamon, a mystical breath-controlled martial art that wields energy anathema to vampires. Jonathon eventually decapitates Dio, and all is well, right? ...Wrong! Whilst Jonathon is on his honeymoon, Dio's head shows up with his last remaining zombie minion, leading to Jonathon dying as Dio cuts off Jonathon's head in hopes of merging with his enemy's body, before the ship they're on sinks. Luckily, Jonathon's pregnant wife escapes.

===Part 2: Battle Tendency===
[[File: Battle Tendency.jpeg|thumb|left|150px|''Battle Tendency'' cover]]
In the late 1930s, Joseph Joestar, grandson of Jonathon Joestar, is the second Joestar to get into strife when the mysterious Pillar Men awaken. These ungodly ancient (and ''fabulous'') abominations created the vampirising stone masks as part of a process to find a way around their own pesky weakness to sunlight. The fact vampires taste even nicer than humans was a nifty bonus. Notable events include a hammy [[Nazi]] cyborg as one of the good guys and a final battle that ''starts'' in an erupting volcano, then ends with them riding a chunk of rock into the atmosphere after the volcano blows its top. Until the middle of the arc there was no real plot, for the most part it was Joseph simply fucking around and beating the shit out of/fooling every minor villain he came by. Araki by this point seemed to have realized how silly the series and embraced it, with much of it being done for laughs. Everything from the aforementioned Pillar Men, the Nazis, this installment's trick-happy Jojo, and probably the dumbest poses in the series certainly makes this the most outright silly arc of Jojo, and that right there is an accomplishment.

===Part 3: Stardust Crusaders===
[[File:Stardust Crusaders.jpeg|thumb|right|150px|''Stardust Crusaders'' cover]]
In the 1980s, half-Japanese Jotaro Kujo takes up the role of hero when Dio Brando comes back, having assimilated Jonathan Joestar's body as his own. In doing so, he forsakes his former vampire powers and unlocks a new kind of power, strange psionic abilities called Stands. This causes a chain reaction that unlocks Stands around the world, and leads to Stands replacing Hamon as the super-power of choice in all subsequent generations. Now Jotaro, alongside an aged Joseph and a motley crew of <s>faggots</s> manly men must fight Dio and his practical army of Stand users.

This is by far the most well known and iconic part of Jojo, with the introduction of Stands being very well received and all the crazy shenanigans that come with them. Not only does it have two anime adaptations (whereas Part 1 only has one anime, an unreleased movie, and a videogame and Part 2 only has an anime), but it also has a two video games (one RPG for the SNES, one arcade fighting game by Capcom).

===Part 4: Diamond is Unbreakable===
[[File:Diamond is Unbreakable.jpeg|left|thumb|175px|''Diamond is Unbreakable'' cover]]
It's the year 1999 in a Japanese suburb of Morioh. High Schooler Josuke Higashikata runs into a slightly-older Jotaro and Josuke learns that a) Jotaro's his nephew despite being ten years older and that old ass Joseph is his father, b) Stands exist, and c) there's a serial killer on the loose.

From there spans a rather loosely-assembled journey involving protecting his town from enemy stand users and befriending some of the people he beats up (including thugs and a seriously arrogant manga artist). There isn't really even a central arc until halfway-in, when Josuke figures out that Kira has a stand. For the most part, it is a mystery with the main cast trying to discover the identity of the aforementioned serial killer rampaging through their town and build up to the third act. Overall a very enjoyable arc, albeit subpar compared to Part 3 since the other protagonists besides Josuke are somewhat lacking, not to mention Jotaro stealing some of his thunder. Noted for being Araki's personal favorite arc to write and marking the shift in his art style from bulky and masculine to more defined and detailed but flamboyant and feminine.

===Part 5: Vento Aureo===
It's Italy in 2001. Giorno Giovanna (the son of Dio using Jonathan's body, though Giorno never knows this) is a kid with aspirations of becoming a "Gang Star" (What this means isn't very clear) with the help of his stand, "Gold Experience". After accidentally killing a gangster, Giorno finds himself immersed in the world of the mafia and eventually becomes a member of "Passione", where he joins his team. With this team, they go and accomplish missions at the behest of a fat bastard (who eventually dies), and later come under the eye of their organization's boss, who wants them to bring back a girl named Trisha.

Once they bring her to the appointed location, they realize that the boss wanted to kill Trisha, which leads to Giorno and the team defecting from the organization and finding out who the boss is and how to defeat him. While it's still strange in typical JoJo fashion, it's often weird for the sake of being weird rather than for cartoony fun or silliness. That combined with a shoddy plot and boring protagonists makes this a somewhat mediocre arc.

===Part 6: Stone Ocean===
Jolyne Kujo was arrested for a crime she didn't commit (though she did have legitimate priors) in 2015 and is then sent to Green Dolphin Street, a maximum-security prison in Florida. Though her dad Jotaro couldn't bail her out, he did give a small locket (containing a fragment of a Stand Arrow), giving her the chance to develop a stand in order for her to survive this prison and get to the bottom of the conspiracy surrounding this prison.

===Part 7: Steel Ball Run===
The timeline resets to the 1800's.
In this alternate universe, quadraplegic ex-jockey Johnny Joestar and Italian executioner Gyro Zeppeli cross paths and decide, for better or for worse, to partner up and participate in the Steel Ball Run, a race that spans the breadth of the United States as a test of endurance for both horse and rider (except for that one dude who just ran the whole way. He manages to make it pretty far). Along the way, they uncover the real purpose of the race when they become entangled with the Parts of the Saint's Corpse, which bestow its owner with incredible power.

As it turns out, the reason the race was even held was because President Funny Valentine wanted to own the complete Corpse, using the race and its participants as pawns in order to accomplish this goal. Though his goals are ultimately altruistic in their outlook, Johnny and Gyro still oppose this plan because it requires that only America prospers, while everything else is stuck struggling.

===Part 8: JoJolion===
We're back in Morioh, but not as we know it. The currently ongoing arc of JoJo based around the SBR version of the 2011 earthquake that hit Japan.

It's some years after SBR, and Morioh was recently wracked with terrible earthquakes which make these creepy images on the ground that gets ripped up. An unfortunate girl by the name of Yasuho Hirose discovers a body among the mess and rescues him. Though he's got no memories and is quirky almost to the point of stupidity, she decides to help the amnesiac 'Josuke' discover his real identity and some really wacky adventures ensue as they find various clues and odd characters that know something about his past. Somehow, by the grace of God, this makes ''absolutely no sense'' even by JoJo standards

==Characters==

===The Joestars===

====Jonathan Joestar (Part 1)====
[[File: Jonathan JoJo.png|thumb|right|175px| Holy shit, you could grate cheese on those abs.]]
Jonathan is pretty much the archetypal gentleman: Well-mannered, intelligent, and damned determined to protect that which he values. That last part he kinda develops after getting mercilessly bullied by Dio in their childhood and eventually lashes out.
He then learns about the Ripple after nearly dying in an incident that sees his father dead, Dio turned into a vampire, and the entire Joestar estate burned to the ground. By joining Will Zeppeli and the persistent Speedwagon, he learns about the powers of the Stone Mask, how the Ripple is meant to counter it, and what it means to fight. And using that, he seemingly kills Dio.

Skip a bit and Jonathan gets married to Erina Pendleton (a girl he's had a thing for since the beginning), and they go on a honeymoon cruise which goes horribly wrong because Dio's severed head got in with a zombie. Jonathan sacrifices himself to stop Dio from returning to the surface and let the pregnant Erina escape with an orphaned baby.
And then his head gets replaced with Dio's.

Sucks to be him.

====Joseph Joestar (Part 2, 3, and 4)====
[[File: Joseph JoJo.jpeg|thumb|left|For context, he's peeping on a woman through the keyhole... We've come a long way.]]
Whereas his grandfather Jonathan is a gentleman, Joseph is a good-natured but impulsive punk. Over the course of Part 2 he develops from mostly being concerned about his desires to a genuine hero.

Though he doesn't know a lot about fighting, Joseph compensates by being a dirty cheat, not being above even ''dressing up as a woman'' (and poorly might we add). Even though he eventually learns about the Ripple by Lisa Lisa, he still keeps his aptitude for improvising, being able to use nets and ball clackers as weapons to defeat enemies. He even resorts to kamikaze-ing an immortal vampire god into an active volcano, losing his hand in the process, but doesn't care because it fucking worked.

Unlike his granddad, Joseph manages to survive his battle with the half-naked Aztec vampire demigods and eventually builds his own family, marrying the incredibly sexy but also incredibly stupid (seriously, his family thought he was dead because ''she forgot to tell them she was nursing him back to health'') Susie Q. By the time Part 3 rolls around, Joseph's already in his 70's, looks close to it due to slacking off in his Hamon training after having beaten the Pillar Men, and is a real estate tycoon. Here, he develops the stand "Hermit Purple", a bunch of purple vines that let him read the future somewhat by interfacing with cameras and TV's and can conduct the Ripple (which he doesn't use as much after Part 2 because, as said above, he's a slacker who let his skills get rusty). He still is a bit of a trickster, using dirt and tar to defeat one stand and another stand's abilities against its' wielder.

He returns yet again in Part 4, but it's clear that time hasn't been good to him, as he's pretty much unable to do anything. Regardless, he tries (key word "tries") to help Josuke (his illegitimate son) and Jotaro in dealing with an orphaned baby and the Stand Arrow.

====Jotaro Kujo (Part 3, 4, and 6)====
[[File: Jotaro JoJo.png|thumb|right|"My Stand will judge you!"]]
Grandson of Joseph, and the son of a virtually nonexistent jazz player and a housewife (Holly).

Jotaro's stand is essentially what kicks off Part 3, as he locks himself up in a local jail because he has no clue what the hell it even is. After Joseph and Avdol convince him that it's not some [[Daemonhost|unholy possession]], Jotaro then joins along in an adventure which sees him travel the world and punch the fuck out of a lot of people. While less flamboyant than his grandfather, he's every bit as clever as he uses his unflappable demeanor to bluff his way out of numerous life-or-death encounters.

His stand, "Star Platinum" is a blue-ish muscleman with long hair with so many powers it becomes pretty clear how much of a protagonist he is: Punching shit really fast, a stretchy finger, the ability to pick out tiny details with precision, and (eventually) the power to stop time.

Part 4 sees him help out Josuke with taking care of stand business on behalf of the Speedwagon Foundation, but otherwise standing back to do other stuff. That said, he's still just as powerful, even moreso because he finally mastered the ability to stop time itself. Also despite being older he's drawn in a way that makes him look younger than in Part 3, because.

He returns again in Part 6 after finding out that the jail where his daughter is being held has its own issues with stands, and that Pucci has plans that involve Dio. At this point it becomes clear what his flaws are, as it's revealed that while he is a badass, he's also pretty useless in anything not involving being a protagonist, like being a dad.

====Josuke Higashikata(Part 4)====
[[File: Josuke JoJo.jpeg|thumb|left|150px|Never seen such <s>faggotry</s> [[awesome|awesomeness]] in my life]]
The big shocker here: His father is Joseph Joestar. This in itself is pretty damn scary, as the old man was able to still get kids, though this isn't without consequence. As such, he lives with his mom and grandfather (a policeman). Then he runs into Jotaro and things go very... Bizarre.

Josuke is a bit of a goof like his dad, and sports serious pride in his pompadour to the point that he'll beat the shit out of someone for dissing it. On the flip side, one could say that he's too nice for his own good and his desire to be kind can sometimes put him in bad situations, though he's certainly not [[Lawful Stupid]]. His stand, "Crazy Diamond", is able to punch things really fast and restore things that were broken if he knows how they work, a power that could be seriously powerful if he puts his mind to it. However, this is incapable of bringing back the dead (he learns this the hard way), and if he uses this power when mad, things get messed up. This often happens when enemies make fun of his <s>dumbass pompadour.</s> <span style='color:blue;font-size:100%'>WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY HAIR?!</span>

====Giorno Giovanna (Part 5)====
[[File:Giorno JoJo.jpeg|thumb|right|175px|Trust us, this is as much personality as he gets.]]
The son of Dio using Jonathan's body, making his legitimacy as a Joestar up to debate.

His personality is rather...unremarkable, and as such it's up to the other guys to really add to the story while Giorno is something of a plot device. Which is a damn shame, consider he is literally the son of Dio and he could've been a very interesting character. (It should be noted that this may be down to shitty translations. Either that or the Japanese and Italians have shit taste in protagonists.) The fact that his stand, "Gold Experience", has some really bullshit powers doesn't help either. To iterate, his stand can imbue inatimate objects with life (like turning suitcases into frogs or bullets into trees or buttons into FUCKING HANDS) with no respect to conservation of mass and, like "Crazy Diamond" above, reattach them. Similarly, this power isn't able to resurrect the dead. He also has the power to rapidly accelerate the thought process of something he punches, though this is only brought up once and then never seen again.

At the end of the arc, it becomes even more bullshit as Giorno gains another ability atop all the others: The ability to "reset any action to zero". What this means in layman's terms is that he can nullify anything that happens to him, which ''just happens'' to counter Diavolo's powers. This also means that he can reset Diavolo's death, making a rather horrifying cycle of just dying before coming back to life...just to die again.

====Jolyne (Part 6)====
[[File: Jolyne JoJo.jpeg|thumb|left|175px|Doesn't matter that she has masculine facial features, she's still hot.]]
Daughter of Jotaro Kujo, the only female Joestar to bear the nickname "JoJo" thus far, though she beats the shit out of anyone who calls her by her nickname. She's essentially her ancestor Joseph if all his bad traits were pushed up a couple of notches, making for a hot-blooded, rebellious, foul-mouthed, quick-tempered pervert. Seriously, we first see her when a prison guard catches her masturbating in her cell, and at one point she confesses to envying/admiring snails since, as [[dickgirl|hermaphrodites]], they can fuck anything and everything they cross paths with. She's got a huge anti-authoritarian streak, and at first, the series seems set on deconstructing the "Joestar Family Traits" and showing how they can make you an unlikeable prick who needlessly gets yourself into trouble. Luckily, the surfacing of the generation's big bad and her finding allies she can actually share her ''positive'' traits with quickly brings her back into line with being the hero.

She's either insanely lucky, or a lot smarter than she appears - which is good, because, on the surface of it, her Stand, "Stone Free", is one of the weakest, as it lets her turn her body partially or completely into string. Sounds lame, right? Wrong. She can do all sorts of shit with that string, from spying on people by using it to catch sounds to tying people up to making stitches to turning it into razor floss and reducing enemies to mincemeat. Also, because the Stand channels its powers through her body, she can use her powers ''and'' have Stone Free do its own thing at the same time, so she's got a giant ghost-buddy that will beat the shit out of you whilst she's snaring 'n' slicing with her string. She has extreme daddy issues with Jotaro, shitting on him until near the end of Stone Ocean. It is somewhat justified though, considering he abandoned her and her mother when she was young. Ultimately responsible for creating the Jojolion universe, although she technically doesn't survive long enough to do so; she just keeps Pucci, the big bad of her generation, at bay until Emporio does the final dirty work.

====Johnny (Part 7)====
[[File: Johnny JoJo.png|thumb|right|200px|Johnny is fun, even if he is hypocritical.]]
The JoJolion version of Jonathan from Part 1, Johnny is easily the most shit-on Joestar of them all. He was raised by a rich horse trainer and racer and pampered through his youth, kind of turning him into a spoiled brat. But later his older brother dies in a jockey accident that may or may not have been his fault, his father disowns him after telling him [[grimdark|"God has taken the wrong son",]] and later after cutting in front of a kid in line for a play, the kid ''pulls a gun and shoots him, paralyzing him from the waist down.'' Just to add sprinkles on this shit-fest his "friends" leave him and no one visits him in the hospital.

Poor bastard.

After he leaves the hospital he meets Gyro Zeppili, and actually brightens up and becomes an overall better person, even if he doesn't win everything. His Stand "Tusk" enhances his powers of the Spin, allowing him to fire his fingernails like bullets... Don't ask how or why. He almost always rides a horse since he's a paraplegic, if Gyro isn't carrying him or he's not crawling.

====Josuke Higashikata (Part 8)====
Otherwise known as "That dude with four balls" and "Gappy the Gap-tooth Wonder"... Seriously, there isn't that much to note about him. He's the JoJolion version of Josuke from Part 4, but he is an amnesiac who's looking for his origins throughout Part 8. At first, he was thought to be Yoshikage Kira, but that was dispelled when a would-be assassin realizes that Kira, among other things, was an utter narcissist.

Oh, and as mentioned earlier, he has two pairs of balls. Connects to his past somehow, but it doesn't make it any less weird.

His Stand is "Soft & Wet", an incredibly stupid stand that manages to work because of the Jojo Logic. See, "Soft & Wet" works by using bubbles. When these bubbles pop, a property can be taken away from the thing they touch, and the way this is used is rather insane. Pop on a floor, now the floor has no friction. Pop a person's skin, now the water drains out of the person's open pores like a goddamn sponge. He even manages to take away fucking sound from a wall to make sure nobody could hear it breaking!

===JoJo Allies (aka the "JoBros")===
Note: The allies are organized based on their originating part... because there are a ''assload'' of minor protagonists, and an increasingly large amount of minor villains.
====Part 1====
*'''Robert E.O. Speedwagon:''' Speedwagon is somewhat popular for being the only normal guy in a series about superpowered martial arts and vampires, with his only real "power" being his razor-sharp hat and big hammer. Also for the [[meme]] ''"Even Speedwagon is afraid!"'' (which wasn't even said by him, in the anime, it was totally said my him in the manga). Despite being fairly average, he still manages to be good friend to Jonathan and Zeppeli. After Jonathan's death, he moves to America and becomes an oil tycoon. This business eventually becomes the Speedwagon Foundation, which is a vague organization dedicated to helping the Joestar family with things like Stands. Come Part 2, he's now an old man, and he gets kidnapped by Nazis because he knows something about a Pillar Man they discovered. Joseph bails them out and Speedwagon leads them to Italy, where they meet Caesar and Lisa Lisa. By this point, he kinda fades into the background, being an old man and all, and eventually passes away in the epilogue.

*'''William A. Zeppeli:''' First off, he has a fabulous hat. Second off, he was trained in the Ripple by a man named Tonpetti after his father and the ship he was in sinks because of the Stone Mask. having been trained by a master, he manages to pull some fine tricks like shooting disks of wine as weapons and stretching his arms to punch things. He then trains Jonathan after learning that the Stone Mask is still around. He eventually dies in a fight with Tarkus ([[Tarkus|not the awesome bald mehreen]]) where he literally gets split in half with a chain and then gives his last life's energy to power up Jonathan. This in itself begins the long line of close allies (usually Zeppelis) sacrificing themselves for Joestars.

====Part 2====
*'''Caesar Zeppeli''': Grandson of Baron Zeppeli. A student of Lisa Lisa, he has a major chip on his shoulder as he blames the Joestar family for his grandfather's death. However, he also blames himself for the accidental death of his father shortly after discovering the Pillar Men in Rome. As a Hamon user, he's more experienced, even adapting a unique bubble projectile attack. Caesar dies fighting Wamuu because he gets impatient and goes after the Pillar Men alone, but not before putting up one hell of a fight. He hates Joseph's guts at first, but under Lisa-Lisa the two become [[gork|total]] [[mork|bros]], fighting by each other's sides until his death. Since he's Italian, he automatically makes women wet when he talks to them.

*'''Lisa Lisa''': Aka Elizabeth Joestar, Joseph's mother. She was forced to abandon Joseph and adopt a new identity when she discovered that her husband's murderer, who was also a top British military leader, was in fact a zombie, and killed him. She becomes the Hamon mentor for Caesar and Joseph, pushing them to their absolute limits to prepare for the Pillar Men. Lisa Lisa uses a special scarf that conducts Hamon in her fight against Kars. However, because Kars doesn't play fair, he nearly kills her and takes the Red Stone that she was guarding. Towards the end she tells Joseph that she's his mother... which, had she said so sooner, would've prevented him from spying on her bathing in an earlier scene. Considering she's around 40 years old, she's an absolute MILF since looks like she's only in her late-twenties.

*'''Baron Rudolf von Stroheim''': A goose-stepping Nazi who just can't shut up about how Germany is the greatest country in the world. Arguably one of the most fabulous minor characters in the series, and allegedly also the design inspiration for Guile. Initially a bad guy for kidnapping Speedwagon and seemingly trying to weaponize the Pillar Man he found in Mexico, he eats a grenade in an attempt to prevent Santana from escaping. That would be the end of it, but then he suddenly appears in the Swiss Alps as a cyborg with a fucking [[Heavy Stubber|.50 cal]] in his chest to help kill the other super-vamps. Said machine gun is seemingly fired via pelvic thrusts. After spending the remainder of the arc being a badass and saving Joseph's bitch ass a couple times, he returns to the Wehrmacht to fight World War II. The epilogue describes him singlehandedly covering the retreat of Nazi forces from the Soviet invasion of Berlin, or Stalingrad in the anime. He died as he lived, screaming his head off about German greatness.

====Part 3====
*'''Muhammad Avdol''': An Egyptian fortune teller and expert on Stands. His stand is Magician's Red, which uses fire-based attacks. Avdol is a close friend of Joseph, and helps explain Stands to Jotaro. He's a no-nonsense character who uses his knowledge of the other Stands to great effect. Halfway into Part 3, Avdol is seemingly killed by one of Dio's assassins, but is spared thanks to the wound only grazing him, which came out of nowhere because Araki planned to kill him at first (allegedly to replace him with Hol Horse) but brought him back because of his popularity. He uses his faked death to purchase some safe transportation for the team ([[Derp|which ended up being boarded by another assassin anyways]]). Avdol is killed off for real by Vanilla Ice's void. Props to Araki for not making him a Middle-Eastern stereotype, considering Stardust Crusaders came out around 1989.

*'''Noriaki Kakyoin''': A Japanese student from the same school as Jotaro. His stand is Hierophant Green; its main attack is an emerald projectile shower, but he can also extend its whole body into coils that stretch long distances, as well as enter very small spaces. At first he's being mind controlled by Dio through a flesh bud and attacks Jotaro, but the latter manages to subdue him and even remove his flesh bud in an extremely risky impromptu surgery. In a show of gratitude, Kakyoin joins Jotaro's team, having found kinship in the other Stand users. In the final battle against Dio, Kakyoin is killed, but not before figuring out Dio's power and conveying the message to Joseph. That's right, Kakyoin is Jotaro's Zeppeli.

*'''Jean Pierre Polnareff''': A French swordsman with an absurdly tall hairdo. His stand is Silver Chariot, an armored swordfighter that can slice with incredible speed and precision. Like Kakyoin, Polnareff is being controlled by Dio's Flesh Bud, but is defeated by the team and later joins their group. His motivation is to find his sister's killer, who is one of Dio's assassins, as well as get revenge on Dio himself. Polnareff is highly emotional; he hits on every lady he meets, he's deeply concerned about finding adequate toilets on their many stops, and he keeps blaming himself for Avdol's death (both times; see above). Nonetheless, he's a very capable fighter. Polnareff is the only fighter besides the Joestars to survive the battle against Dio. Some point after Part 3 but before Part 5, Polnareff would find himself battling Diavolo and nearly DIE, becoming wheelchair-bound as a result. He then becomes a contact for Giorno's gang as they begin looking for clues to Diavolo's identity and they all meet at the Coliseum. And then he pretty much dies and stabs his stand with the Stand Arrow, turning it into a super-stand that can swap spirits and force evolution. Once the battle ends, it's revealed that Polnareff's spirit survives... inside a turtle. Granted, it's a stand-using turtle, but still.

*'''Iggy''': The final member of Jotaro's team, introduced halfway into the series. He's selfish, ornery, anti-social, and likes to fart on Polnareff's face. Oh, also he's a dog. Yes, dogs can be Stand users too. His stand is The Fool, which allows him to construct anything from sand, whether it's a giant attack dog, a hang glider, or a protective shell. He gets in vicious fight against Dio's guard falcon, Pet Shop, which ends up costing him his leg. Iggy later sacrifices himself to save Polnareff from Vanilla Ice.

====Part 4====
*'''Koichi Hirose''': Josuke's best friend, he's a short dude who just happens to be the same age as Josuke. He's not quite as weird, but he finds himself in much weirder situations as a result, like getting stabbed by an arrow and evolving his stand, or finding out his girlfriend's a stand-using psychopath. His stand, "Echoes", is a real special one because it gains three modes over the course of the story: Stage one just makes lots of noise, Stage two throws these sound effects and they actually happen (like making a sound effect for fire and then the place combusts), and Stage three suddenly replaces the sound powers and becomes some short guy whose punches imbue such a powerful force that its targets slam into the ground. He's usually the more reasonable guy and he happens to be nice. He's just incredibly bad with luck. He appears again early in Part 5 to help Jotaro confirm Giorno's identity.

*'''Okyasu Nijimura''': The archetypal yankee thug with a really big heart. Sure, he first met Josuke as an enemy and nearly killed Koichi, but it's revealed that he and his brother were only causing trouble to find a cure for their freakishly-mutated unkillable dad. They eventually find common purpose when Okyasu's brother is kidnapped and killed by an enemy stand user and they become friends from there. And then...the gangster becomes a bigger nut than Josuke. His stand is called "The Hand" (wow, points for originality) and it has a [[Faptau|a freakishly huge right hand]] which it uses to eradicate space and then have it reform around that rent, which he can use for transportation. Like Vanilla Ice's power, this is fucking awesome.

*'''Rohan Kishibe''': A master manga artist who happens to live in Morioh. Basically Araki if he had a stand. He's an egotist to the worst degree and hate's Josuke's guts, but has nothing but respect for Koichi and Jotaro. His stand "Heaven's Door" allows him to read people like literal books, which lets him rip out pages (which harms the user in a way) and write in commands that the victim must obey. His whole jackass act is a bit more justified once it's revealed that as a kid, his parents and a neighbor of his were murdered by Kira, and he was only able to survive because the neghbor hid him.

*'''Shizuka Joestar''': A baby with the Stand Achtung Baby, which allows her to become invisible along with things closely around her, depending on how stressed she is. She was saved from drowning by Josuke and Joseph, with the latter adopting her at the end of part 4. This means that she's the adopted sister of Josuke and Holly, making her Jotaro's aunt and Jolyne's great-aunt, despite Shizuka being the same age as the latter. Unfortunately we don't get to see her again in parts 5 and 6, and given how 6 ended were probably not going to see her ever again.

====Part 5====
*'''Bruno Bucellati''': The top guy in the gang, Bucellati tends to be the level-headed one. His stand is "Sticky Fingers", which makes zippers in absolutely anything. This makes him a fighter of incredible utility, especially when some thought is applied to the way his powers are used. His defining moment is being literally unable to die. No, seriously, King Crimson puts a fucking hole through his midsection, and the motherfucker just keeps walking. He only dies after the whole soul-switcheroo of the Silver Chariot Requiem.
*'''Leone Abbachio''': Looks like Sephiroth, only acts stoic and tries to keep his conscience clean (He was a cop and only defected when he saw how fucked the police system was after his partner died). His stand, "Moody Blues", allows him to sorta-travel back through time like a cassette tape, when his stand begins impersonating someone and repeats their actions. Considering how this could discover Diavolo's identity, this leads to Abbachio being assassinated by King Crimson personally.
*'''Guido Mista''': A more punkish guy who has a '''MASSIVE''' phobia of the number 4. His stand is "Sex Pistols", six little bullet-shaped guys numbered 1-7 (skipping 4 because of said phobia) who can kick bullets (or effectively anything bullet-sized) in a way almost identical to the Emperor, except for the fact that his gun is perfectly normal. Mista is one of the only guys to survive this entire debacle.
*'''Narancia Ghirga''': Despite looking younger than everyone else, he's actually older than Giorno by two years (despite Giorno looking fucking 20. he's really 15). He's pretty book-dumb and loud-mouthed, which ends up with him being the first victim of several stand attacks. His stand is "Aerosmith", a miniature airplane that traces things by their CO2 emissions and then blasts the fuck outta them with dakka. He gets killed in the Silver Chariot Requiem switcheroo, being assassinated in the mayhem.
*'''Panacotta Fugo''': Whereas Narancia is book-dumb and impulsive, Fugo is book-smart and methodical in his actions, which contrast to his stand, "Purple Haze". See, "Purple Haze" is something insane and easily-agitated with little capsules in its fists filled with a virus so potent that it eats alive anything it touches. This power is so OP that Araki was forced to write him out of the plot by making him reject the notion of revolting against the Boss.

====Part 6====
*'''Hermes Costello:''' One of Jolyne's fellow inmates, Hermes is about as much of a match as you can get, except for the part where she has a serious revenge-boner for one of Pucci's subordinates for killing her sister. Her stand "Kiss" allows her to slap stickers on things, duplicating things, but the moment it comes off, the duplicate and original slam together again and blow up a bit.
*'''Foo Fighters:''' This here is the single most awesome character. She's a fucking swarm of amoeba with a stand. Taking the form of a dead inmate. She was originally controlled by Pucci, but eventually Jolyne manages to befriend her and they manage to be friends. Her stand is also non-conventional, as she's constantly using it to keep herself together.
*'''Weather Report:''' He's amnesiac and unstable. And he wears a giant buffalo hat. His stand is also named "Weather Report", and it allows him to oxygenate the air around him, effectively making it combustible. However, once he realizes his identity as Pucci's brother, he discovers a second part of his stand, "Heavy Weather". This is even more fucked up as it somehow uses rainbows to submit subliminal messages like 'Rain frogs' or 'Turn into fucking snails'. Shit's creepy.
*'''Narcisso Anasui:''' Another messed up dude, but he's only restrained by the fact that he seriously has a thing for Jolyne despite her dad's refusal. Despite that, however, he manages to be more reliable than Weather. His Stand is "Diver Down", with the mundane yet neat power of phasing through matter. This allows him to climb into things, break them from the inside, and then break out.

====Part 7====
*'''Gyro Zeppeli:''' That's right, he's another Zeppeli. He's still the guy to teach the Joestar about the power du jour (Spin), and he still dies near the end (though by then, he's done way more than his fair share of things and Johnny's come a long way). In the rebooted Jojolion universe, the Zeppelis were executioners and doctors for the kingdom of Naples, mastering the art of the Steel Balls for this particular job. Gyro, while competent, found himself questioning his conscience when he was instructed to execute a young boy for his possible involvement in a murder. Denying this accusation, Gyro decides to flee to America in order to participate in the Steel Ball Run race and win that boy a pardon, hoping to learn about his convictions along the way. He gains a stand at one point, called "Scan", which allowed him to see using his steel balls, but he eventually loses it when he lost the Saint's Eye to Dio.
*'''Hot Pants:''' She starts off as one of several competitors in the race who manages to keep well ahead in the race, all while rather thinly disguised as a dude. As time goes on, however, Gyro and Johnny cross paths with her and somewhat become enemies (Gyro's kinda pissed for her thieving them of the Corpse Parts, but Johnny's slightly more understanding as well as aware of her identity). It's eventually revealed that she was a nun of the Vatican in penance for letting her brother die years ago, and participated in the race to recover the Saint's Corpse, thinking that recovering such a relic would grant God's mercy. Her stand is the utilitarian "Cream Starter", which is a spray can of meat foam that can be used to heal wounds, dissolve flesh, and even disguise faces.
*'''Lucy Steel:''' Despite the 17-year age gap, Lucy is somehow the wife of industrialist Stephen Steel, the man who organized the Steel Ball Run (under Valentine's orders). Though she doesn't really do much early on, she's the first person to realize that everything's not kosher in this mess and fears for her husband's safety around the President. From here, she gets caught up in the mess of the Corpse, helping Hot Pants with infiltrating the President's house by impersonating Valentine's wife and delivering a warning to Johnny and Gyro. And she does all this despite lacking a stand. Welll...sorta. Eventually, she's revealed to somehow be pregnant with the Corpse's head (Don't ask. [[FATAL|Seriously, don't ask]]) and eventually becomes the Corpse itself, serving to trigger a power of Valentine's Stand. After Valentine's demise, she then manages to save the day by killing Dio using one last moment of "D4C" fuckery.

====Part 8====
*'''Yasuho Hirose:''' Josuke's <s>lover</s> <s>girlfriend</s> fuck buddy and the first person to discover his unconscious ass amongst the Wall Eyes. She doesn't have much in the way of personality since she's mostly there for sex appeal and to help Josuke find out who he truly is. Her Stand, Paisley Park, has some of the most vague powers in the series. It's main ability is to "guide" Yasuho through situations and to an end goal, either by giving her cues or manipulating electronics around her. Of course, considering how intentionally vague this power is, expected it to be abused like a disobedient child. Also, she named Josuke after her dog and she said he looked a lot like him. ''What a bitch.''
*'''Joshu Higashikata:''' This little fuckwit is Josuke's stepbrother and is by far the worst JoBro. Every negative trait you can think of he probably has, including; spoiled, petty, possessive, selfish, perverted, idiotic, amongst any other things. Just a [[Honsou|horrible person in general,]] constantly antagonizing and arguing with Josuke because he wants Yasuho for himself. Also, his Stand [[/d/|Nut]] King Call is basically Sticky Fingers but with nuts and bolts; attaching a bolt to someone and making them fall apart when its removed.

===The Dicks/Villians===
====Dio Brando (Part 1 and 3)====
[[File: DIO.jpeg|thumb|right|Part 3 Dio and his Stand <s>"The World"</s> ZA WARUDO]]
Technically the big bad of the overall series, although he's only actually on-stage in the first and third sagas. Arrogant, vain and frankly something of a coward, Dio was born the son of abusive, stupid, drunkard Dario Brando, but had a natural intelligence, ambition and drive that his father lacked. Poisoning his father, he was sent to live with George and Jonathan Joestar, as part of a debt the elder Joestar owed to Dario. Despising Jonathan for his attempts to befriend his new stepbrother, Dio bullied Jonathon throughout their childhood, and even after they seemingly made amends, was secretly plotting to steel Jonathon's birthright. He attempted to poison George, only for his scheme to be revealed, whereupon he used the Stone Mask the Joestars had unwittingly guarded to become a vampire and attempted to conquer England by creating an army of zombies. As mentioned above, this eventually left him a severed head trapped on the bottom of the ocean, until he managed to assimilate Jonathon's body and escape for the third saga. He sits in his lair for most of it because he has difficulty controlling Jonathan's body and doesn't fight the heroes himself until all his minions are dead. When he does however he proceeds to completely wreck their shit until Jotaro narrowly manages to defeat him. Afterwords his body is thrown into the desert and incinerated to make sure he doesn't come back. Although he was defeated, agents and plots of his were the primary source of trouble for the next three sagas... until the sixth ended with Dio and his depredations literally being retconned out of existence. Ironically, for all his arrogance and power, Dio ultimately owed everything he had to the Joestars. His life of luxury in his teens was paid for by Joestar money. He became a vampire with a Stone Mask owned by the Joestar family. He needed Jonathon Joestar's body after his own was destroyed by Ripple energy. He needed Joseph Joestar's blood so he could better merge with Jonathon's body. He even makes extensive use of Hermit Purple #2, Joseph's Stand, during the third saga.

He is well-loved by the fans for his over-the-top flamboyance (even by the series' standards), grandiloquent speaking style, and sheer dickishness such that [[Eldrad]] himself would be impressed. He is the source of [[Meme|ZA WARUDO]], which is his Stand ("The World") freezing time around him. While he typically follows that up with an improbably numerous volley of knives, he is infamous for what comes after: Slamming a road roller from out of nowhere down on his opponent, punching it until the vehicle explodes, [[Eversor|then screeching in triumph.]] '''WRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!'''

He also has a slew of minions and henchmen in Part 3. Most of them fill out the remainder of the major arcana in Tarot. Others are named after Egyptian gods, and the last few come from wherever:

*'''Tower of Gray:''' An old codger of an assassin whose MO is getting on the plane/train/bus/boat as his target, then [[Bane|crashing it with no survivors except him]]. Stands make a user tougher, but how he survives a fucking plane crash is unknown. His Stand is Tower of Gray, a flying beetle so fast it can dodge Star Platinum's punches. [[Grimdark|It has a long, Xenomorph-style tongue with which it rips out the tongues of its targets]]. Kakyoin managed to trick it into a specific predictable pattern that allowed him to shred it using Hierophant Green's tentacles.
*'''Forever:''' A sapient orangutan that likes [[Nurgle|smoking pipes]], [[Slaanesh|human pornography]], [[Tzeentch|posing as a regular ape]] and [[Khorne|brutal murder]]. Don't insult his intelligence: you won't live for very long. His Stand is Strength, which can possess objects and bring out their "true potential": in the manga this turns a tiny yacht into a massive freighter that Forever has total control over, up to and including phasing through the bulkheads like they weren't there. He [[Dranon's delight|tried to molest the little girl traveling with the Crusaders]], only for Jotaro to rescue her and spank the monkey. Based on the intelligent orangutan from the horror movie [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091415/|Link.]
*'''Devo the Cursed:''' A real fucked-up piece of shit. He's a Native American haman who's able to "curse" people to die horrific deaths. In truth, he's a masochist and uses his Stand, "Ebony Devil" to possess a killer doll and take a few pages from Chucky's book by murdering someone who hurt him in various brutal and creative ways. And this shit is fucking brutal, we're talking razors to the back of the foot, shampoo in the eyes, razor-toothed mouth, and blowdryers in the bathtub. Polnareff manages to outmaneuver him and rip his doll (and therefore his Stand, and therefore ''him'') to pieces, leaving a janitor at the hotel to find Devo's bloody mess in a bathroom. What a dick. Also called Soul Sacrifice in the official sub to avoid lawsuits, notable because Araki picked the name himself.
*'''Rubber Soul:''' Another assassin sent by DIO who was promised a fuckton of money to kill the Stardust Crusaders. His Stand, Yellow Temperance, is an amorphous blob of flesh that allows him to disguise himself as other people and eat organic matter (like people) by murderglomping them. He's a poor actor though, which is what eventually gave him away and got him a ticket on the ORA ORA ORA train. Known best by a phrase he uttered: DO YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAAND?
*'''Hol Horse:''' A cowboy whose stand is a gun named "The Emperor". The Emperor's only real ability is that the bullets are part of his Stand too, so Hol Horse can manipulate the trajectory of its bullets mid-flight; allowing it to bypass obstacles that would prevent them from reaching their mark. He's a womanizing coward, but considering how unremarkable his stand is, it's only fair. Yet ironically, he's the only one of Dio's minions that tells him off and even attempts to kill him. He teams up with a guy whose stand literally lives in mirrors (which leads to sorta-killing someone important) and a kid whose stand is a fortune-telling comic book. Neither of these team-ups end well.
*'''J. Geil:''' An ugly motherfucker with two right hands. A sadist through and through, he raped and killed Polnareff's sister, which drove him to join the Crusaders in the first place. His Stand, Hanged Man, is made of light that can jump between reflections and can stab you from them. He is rather clever though, and lies to the Crusaders when explaining his powers to throw them through a loop instead of telling the truth like a chump. This did not stop him from being turned into a pincushion by Polnareff and hanged upside down like his Stand's counterpart in Tarot.
*'''Enya Geil:''' One of DIO's inner circle and his chief adviser. A shriveled old hag who encourages DIO to develop his powers and to rule THE WORLD with them. The mother of J. Geil mentioned above, she loves her son and dotes on him, overlooking the fact that he's a serial killer and rapist. Has two right hands, just like her son. She is extremely mad at Polnareff for killing him, and becomes increasingly infuriated whe she has to play nice with him while plotting her revenge. Her Stand, Justice, is a mist that can raise the dead and can control body parts it drills holes into by using a prexisting wound. It can also create illusions and is next to immune to physical damge because it is made of smoke. This did not help it when Star Platinum inhaled it, which knocked Enya out. She was then captured by the Crusaders who wanted to interrogate her, but got executed by Steely Dan before being able to tell them anything, much to her dismay. Ultimately responsible for parts after the third having Stands flying out of their asses by finding and abusing the Stand Arrow Despite being old as fuck in the main series, the OVA has a flashback that reveals her to have been quite the looker.
*'''Steely Dan:''' A kebab-stand owner and controls a Stand named "The Lovers". Unlike other stand-wielders, Dan's stand is microscopic and can't do anything in straight-up combat. Its specialty is that it can infiltrate the bodies of opponents and do damage from within, where in this case he infected Joseph with a flesh bud and blackmailed Jotaro into being his punching bag/man servant. He's pretty notable in the series for pissing off Jotaro to such a degree that 6 whole pages/20 seconds were entirely devoted to him being ORA ORA ORAed into oblivion.
*'''Midler:''' The final of the Tarot assassins sent after the Crusaders. Her Stand, High Priestess, can possess and transform any mineral matter. It took the form of a giant face to drown the Crusaders who were fleeing their sinking submarine, only for Doctor Joestar to do some dental work on her, ORA ORA ORA style. Only seen in the manga and anime as being knocked the fuck out with her teeth knocked the fuck out of her mouth. When Capcom made the fighting game, they asked Araki to draw a more presentable design for her, and delivered with a [[PROMOTIONS|smokin' hot belly dancer.]] Araki apparently liked this design enough to make it canon, as it appears in later artbooks for the series.
*'''Pet Shop:''' Dio's pet falcon, as much of a crazy motherfucker as any other assassin in the series. Its stand is called "Horus", which has the ability to manipulate ice, using it to lay traps and launch it like homing missiles. It guards Dio's mansion and shows down with Iggy after it trespasses into the mansion grounds. Pet Shop's also infamous for being hilariously broken in any game he appears in (The Capcom fighter and Eyes of Heaven), because he's a flying bird with all the frozen [[Dakka]] he could ever need while everyone else is stuck on the ground.
*'''Daniel J. D'Arby:''' The only real fight the heroes couldn't just punch, D'Arby is a professional gambler and cheater whose stand, "Osiris", works on psychology. Those who admit defeat in their minds get their souls ripped out and turned into poker chips for his games. Of course, he gets defeated in probably the ballsiest fakeout ever. He's popular in the fandom for his hilarious attempt at southern-accented Engrish. He has a younger brother who shows up later named Terrance, who does pretty much the same thing except with [[/v/|video games]] and wooden dummies.
*'''Mariah:''' She's a hot brown Red Riding Hood with a stand that controls magnetism. By touching random conspicuous outlets, victims can turn into living magnets that can attract anything metallic, though the power of this magnetism is based upon how close she is and how much time has passed.
*'''Anubis:''' Probably the weirdest thing out there, Anubis is a stand that inhabits a sword. This sword has the ability to pass through things it doesn't want to cut, the ability to learn from being defeated (making sure he can't lose again), and the ability to possess whoever wields the sword. This makes Anubis a trifecta of a threatening opponent, and this leads to probably the longest fight in Jojo history between switching wielders three times (A farmer boy named Chaka, a barber named Khan, and Polnareff). The sword then breaks and is thrown into the ocean, where it rusts for eternity.
*'''Vanilla Ice:''' Dio's most fanatical and powerful servant...without pants. Vanilla Ice became a vampire after Dio tested his loyalty by saying he needed his blood to fully regenerate, where he went the extra mile by using his own stand to decapitate himself without hesitation. Impressed by his devotion (or maybe it was his [[/d/|massive bulge]]) Dio used his blood to resurrect Vanilla Ice, granting him near-immortality. His stand is named "Cream", a humanoid monster that has a unique ability where it swallows itself (and Vanilla Ice) in order to become [[Sphere of Annihilation|a null void, literally wiping out chunks of reality]] like the Eldar's D-Cannons. This power is so fucking awesome that it kills two named characters....well sort of. He killed one of them by kicking them to death, rather than swallowing them into his void. He would have likely killed Polnareff but Dio forget to tell him that sunlight would incinerate him and Polnareff uses that to kill him after he shrugged off every other attack used on him.

====Pillar Men (Santana, Wamuu, ACDC, Kars) (Part 2)====
[[File:Pillar Men Fabulous.jpeg|thumb|right|250px|ACDC, Wamuu, and Kars...no, they're straight. We swear.]]
<s>The personal guardians of the Emperor of Mankind</s> A pre-human tribe of supermen from the ancient past, these beings possess superhuman control over their bodies, allowing them to manipulate their own flesh and the flesh of other people as they see fit. This makes them virtually indestructible, capable of reassembling themselves from being blown to bloody scraps. They feed on the flesh of all other races, and their body manipulating traits allow them to literally absorb flesh with a touch. Each of the Pillar Men seen has an elemental "mode" which they theme their personal body modification around (for instance, Wamuu can form a lethal wind shear by spinning his arms like turbines) The tribe's only weakness is sunlight, and thus by extension Ripple energy; Kars' claim to fame was attempting to fix this with the Stone Masks, which didn't work but ''did'' create dickass vampires like Dio and massively boosted their shapeshifting powers. By the time of the series, only four members of this tribe survive, having slaughtered the rest of their kind (ostensibly in self-defense; they didn't like their leader's scheme since the increased metabolism induced by the Stone Masks would lead to hunting everything else to extinction if everyone did it) and sealed themselves into pillars to await the right moment to awaken again. Their big plan is to use a magic gemstone called the Red Stone of Aja to power a ''new'' Stone Mask that will not only make them sunproof but also give them '''perfect''' shapechanging at the cellular level, able to mimic any form of life on the planet and probably some that aren't. Appearance-wise they are built like bodybuilders and dress in ancient Mesoamerican style. Their thought processes are typically cold and alien, though Wamuu has a sense of honor (and grows fond of Jojo). While Wamuu and Esidisi have an honorable warrior mentality, their leader Kars is a double-crossing cheat who will not hesitate to fight dirty, and after successfully using the true Stone Mask, becomes what may be ''the'' most powerful being in the entire series, only defeated by sending him into orbit where he [[Meme|eventually stopped thinking.]]

There's also a fourth Pillar Man, the first one we meet, called Santana by Stroheim. He's the weakest of them all and gets tricked into exposing himself to sunlight and Hamon at once. He's mostly the wake-up to their evil and kicks off the real storyline of generation 2.

====Yoshikage Kira (Part 4)====
A serial killer with a really creepy hand fetish. As in, he chops off women's hands to make the severed hands into his "girlfriends", keeping them in fancy boxes and having romantic dinners with them... until they rot and he has to get a replacement. The worst part is that he's seriously obsessed with living an ordinary life as a mediocre person...while also being a serial killer with a really creepy hand fetish.

For the most part, he's watched over by his dad, who's now turned into a living photo thanks to developing a stand. Otherwise, he uses his stand "Killer Queen", a pink catlike humanoid, as a killing instrument. See, its power allows it to imbue objects with an explosive charge which he can set off at will. These explosions are so efficient that they don't leave any trace of his victim, which has led to his long career as a killer. The only thing that he leaves behind is a hand, which he will usually have a relationship with despite being the hand of some girl he just murdered. "Killer Queen" also has two separate components to it. The first is "Sheer Heart Attack", a skull-faced tank-bomb that comes from his right hand. This bomb chases down any heat signatures, which makes it effective for hunting down solitary targets, but when crowded with many heat sources, gets disoriented easily. The second power he gains after stabbing himself with a Stand Arrow and switching bodies with another person. This power, "Bites the Dust", is a tiny "Killer Queen" which kills a target at a certain time and will reset time as much as it needs to until Kira can find out who it is that died.

====Diavolo (Part 5)====
Diavolo is the boss of the Mafia group "Passione", though he never shows his face and operates under the pseudonym "Soliddo Nazo". He also has pink hair and doesn't wear a shirt, but he is anything but fabulous. His big goal is absolute control, and he considers everything, even family, to be a setback.

Diavolo's main quirk is that he has a split personality. This personality, Vinegar Doppio, is a rather ordinary person who just happens to have pink hair and also imagines a phone ringing everywhere and then uses random objects like frogs or shoes just as a phone.

His stand, "King Crimson", is a red and white man with a tiny face on his forehead and has a power that's really difficult to understand.
See, he can sort of see time as line from Point A to Point B, and then nullify anything that can happen between those points, like getting shot with a bullet. At the same time, everything stays where it was at Point B despite otherwise being rewound to Point A. There's probably a better way to explain it, but to do so would take too fucking long and leads to anything KC does getting summarized as "IT JUST WORKS". As Doppio, "King Crimson" has a secondary form called "Epitaph" allows him to see a few seconds into the future.

====Enrico Pucci (Part 6)====
The big bad of Part 6, a gay ex-Catholic priest who worships the ground Dio walks on and who seeks to use his Stands to rewrite reality as Dio would have wished it. We're not joking when we say he's gay, there's flashback scenes where they're laying in bed together (not naked, but their clothes are visibly ruffled). His Stand "Whitesnake" can swipe away other people's Stands or memories in the form of a disk. Pucci can then insert these disks into other people, allowing them to view these memories or use the Stand on the disk. "Whitesnake" later becomes "C-Moon", which can manipulate gravity. Then shit really hits the fan when he later attains the Stand "Made In Heaven" which can accelerate time ''and'' manipulate gravity. To make a complicated explanation a little easier to explain, as time continues to travel, the universe will hit a "vanishing point", and a new universe will be created, where everything repeats itself, according to "fate". Pucci can then alter this universe to his desire, basically making the perfect world that Dio always wanted. Ultimately, he gets fucked over by Weather Report and he ends up creating an entirely different universe, Jojolion, where both Dio and the Joestars exist.

====Funny Valentine (Part 7)====
The fucking president of the United States!
No, seriously, he's the 23rd President of the United States, a veteran of the Civil War with the fucking Stars and Stripes as scars on his back, and the real mastermind of the Steel Ball Run. His goal of the race? To recover the Corpse and use it to lead America to a new age of lasting prosperity. And that's why you don't fuck with this President!

Oh, and his Stand, "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" (D4C), which allows him to essentially jump between parallel universes. While anything else he brings will be destroyed the moment it comes into contact with its dimensional equal (meaning that he can find someone, drag him into another dimension, and collide him into his dimensional equivalent and kill them both), he is utterly immune to it and is able to replace himself by having his Stand transfer between Valentines. The issue, though, is that it is anchored to one universe: The universe where the Corpse originates from. Eventually, he does recover the Corpse, and at this point, he develops "Love Train", a secondary effect to "D4C" which sheaths him in a field of parallel dimensions. Anything that tries to hit him that passes through the field gets deflected and redirected elsewhere, allowing only good fortune near him. The issue is that it he has to leave this sheath in order to attack. Like Devo, D4C was a victim of copyright law, and in his video game appearances the subs are ''very careful'' to never refer to D4C by its full name. The writers still managed to make this as hilariously stupid as the rest of the series, though; Valentine's signature move in All Star Battle is renamed [[Derp|"Filthy Acts Performed at Fair and Reasonable Prices."]]

====Diego Brando (Part 7)====
[[File: Diego Brando.png|right|thumb|200px|Can you take a guess of what character he's based off of?]]
Essentially the JoJolion version of Dio Brando from the original series. Though he is [[Tzeench|calculating and callous]] like the original, he is much more considerate with his actions, not killing innocents left and right. However, he won't hesitate to absolutely destroy anyone who gets in his way. His backstory differs in that his father left him behind and he was raised by his mother longer than Dio's (though it was only until he was six). As the original rejected his humanity because it made him weak, Diego takes a different spin on it and [[derp|blames humanity as a whole for his misfortunes]]. He participates in the Steel Ball Run race against Johnny and Gyro, wanting the fatass cash prize at the end for himself.

His Stand, "Scary Monsters", has, arguably, the [[Jokaero|stupidest]] yet [[Trazyn the Infinite|hilariously awesome]] power in Steel Ball Run and maybe JoJo as a whole. Scary Monsters allows Diego to transform into a blue-green raptor and attack his enemies. For whatever reason as a raptor he has "DIO" plastered over and over again all over his body. If he wishes Diego can simply change his body to have sharp teeth or claws. He can also infect people through bites and scratches and turn them into raptors that are under his control. Essentially he is a [[awesome|wereraptor]], which is awesome in every sense of the word. This even extends to his horse, which he turned into a colossal raptor than can climb up walls.

After being upped by Johnny and Gyro on several occasions, he teams up with Funny Valentine in order to gain some revenge and to find some of the Corpse Parts. But in a [[meme|sudden but inevitable betrayal]], Diego makes a 180 and tries to kill Valentine. Naturally, this fails.

*'''Diego 2: Electric Boogaloo:''' At some point in the story Funny Valentine uses D4C to nab another Diego from another universe to help him. He's basically Part 3's Dio with a different name and appearance. He's also still human, which limits his ability to use The World to stop time.
==Terms and Stuff You Need to Know==
===Ripple===
The Ripple, or "Hamon", or "Sendo", as its sometimes called, was a power introduced in Phantom Blood and used up until early Stardust Crusaders. Created by monks in fuckknowswhere-istan, this martial art(?) was created to specifically destroy undead zombies and vampires. The user, quite literally, harnesses the power of the sun via breathing. This can let the user empower their attacks and attain superhuman feats. And for dramatic effect the Ripple can transfer to metal and hair, making it unstable and acting like a weapon in of itself. The last person to uses this was Joseph, who stops training in it after Part 2, and only uses it a couple times in Part 3. When he returns in Part 4, he's such an old man that he's incapable of even that (though to be fair, this was his choice. The Ripple could extend a person's natural lifespan considerably, but one guy still feared growing old, became a vampire, and then died because sunlight. Joseph opts not to do this.)

*'''Spin''': The Spin is basically a new version of the Ripple introduced in Part 7. We're not joking when we say it's almost exactly like Hamon except it's far more flashy and when it comes into contact with objects it makes them spin rapidly(duh) by achieving the perfect rotational ratio of the Golden Rectangle (A rectangle that can break into a perfect square and a smaller rectangle with which to repeat this process, potentially ad infinitum). Gyro Zeppili is the most effective with the Spin, using it to charge and launch steel balls at his enemies, though Johnny eventually manages to pull it off using his nails.

===Stands===
[[File:Star Platinum Stand.png|thumb|right|200px|Jotaro's Stand "Star Platinum"]]
Stands are... weird to say the least. Getting their start in Stardust Crusaders, they are literal spiritual manifestations on a user's willpower and strength. The capabilities of Stands can vary absurdly, among the known powers are: stopping time, shooting out crystal projectiles, tossing marbles that are practically mini virus bombs, and punches so powerful they can break diamond. There are some stands that aren't combat oriented, such as spiritual photography, enhanced healing, or reading people's memories, but generally most are. This is complicated further by the fact that virtually anyone can be a Stand user, so ambushes by enemies are frequent. The first few were introduced were based of the tarot cards (Star Platinum, Magician's Red, etc), but from mid-Part 3 and onward they were named after Egyptian Gods, famous rock musicians and songs. Rolling Stones, Purple Haze, and ''fucking Metallica'' are Stands. This made later incarnations of Jojo to be an absolute copyright hell to deal with, since literally every Stand and maybe character can be traced to a band, person, or song. Many names had to be either adjusted or changed completely in localizations.

They also don't have much of a fixed way of manifesting either, with some people being born knowing how to use them (Avdol, Kakyoin), while the Joestars only developed it with Dio waking up, while others still had to get stabbed with magical arrows made from a meteorite or ending up in a weird mystic area and touching mummified body parts.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="100%">
While there are an array of inconsistencies with Stands, JoJo was nice enough to give this list of the rules for Stands.
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">
*A Stand protects its user, like a guardian. The name comes from "standing by" the user, sometimes using their powers without direct orders in order to protect the user, and by extension, themselves.
*A person can have only one Stand (though their Stand may evolve (e.g. Echoes, Tusk)).
*Not everyone is strong enough to acquire a stand, whether it's by the Golden Arrow or other means (such as Holly slowly dying from her own stand).
*Conversely, any living thing is capable of acquiring a stand, from babies, to animals, to ''plankton''.
*Stands can be inherited.
*A Stand is part of its user, and damage is usually reflected between the two. Usually, if a Stand's leg is cut off, its user will lose their leg as well. Certain aspects of some Stands, such as the armor of "Silver Chariot" or "The Fool", are immune to this effect. If the Stand is not exactly humanoid, they may reflect damage to their user's body relative to the area of the Stand that was damaged, or are an exception.
*Stands may only be seen by Stand users; the exception being Stands bound to physical objects (e.g. Strength; attached once to a boat).
*A Stand can only be directly damaged by another Stand. A Stand user however can still be attacked directly by a stand or conventional attacks.
*A Stand's energy or power is inversely proportional to their operating range. The further a Stand is from its user, the weaker it becomes – Long-range Stands and/or Stands' long-range abilities are simpler in mechanism. One exception is Red Hot Chili Pepper, an electricity-based stand that can travel anywhere that has power lines or aboard anything with a battery.
*Stands are usually bound to their user's body, but exceptions abound; Wheel of Fortune being bound to a car, and The Fool being bound to sand.
*When a Stand User dies, their Stand disappears with them.
*When a Stand is defeated, their user is either knocked unconscious or killed, depending on the level of injury.
*Stands allow people to see ghosts (since stands themselves are spiritual phenomena), a fact that becomes important to the plot of part 4.
</div>
</div>
*'''Stand Arrow''': Once, some time in the 70's, a meteorite crashed in Iceland. An exploration team was sent to bring it in, but suddenly killed each other. This rock would eventually find a way out, though...and then incorporated into a set of arrows. These arrows tend to kickstart the process of developing a stand by cutting or piercing someone, but the spiritual strain of the process could prove to be fatal to some. And if you get hit by one while owning a stand? Well, surviving tends to grant you an incredible new power, usually called a Requiem. It's known that about five of these exist: One was given to Enya Geil (an old lady serving Dio), and another found its way to Kira. Yet another was found by Polnareff, which is then handed over to Giorno. The rest are owned by Diavolo.
*'''Corpse Parts''': Okay... [[wat]]. If you thought all the aforementioned stuff above was strange, you're in for a real treat. So get this; in Steel Ball Run, a major driving part of the plot is that both the heroes and villains are searching for the body parts of what they believe to be the shriveled corpse of some long-dead Saint. Why they want them is that if they ''absorb'' the body part into themselves, they get a Stand and various other benefits, making them the JoJolion version of the Golden Arrow. Of course the various characters searching for it want it for various reasons, but those are the main benefits. Oh, by the way, it's later discovered that the Corpse Parts are actually the '''''body parts of Jesus Fucking Christ.''''' We ain't talking Communion or some shit; the literal, physical, holes-in-the-hands body of Jesus. Somehow his body made it to North America centuries ago and an earthquake split it into nine separate pieces and spread it throughout the U.S.

===Stone Masks===
These grotesque, fanged stone masks only appear in the first and second parts, but are vitally important to the story as a whole. Initially believed to come from the Aztecs, they are actually creations of the Pillar Men; intended to allow for the Pillar Men to overcome their weaknesses and become true gods. When placed on the face and smeared with blood, they drive spikes into a wearer's brain, transforming them into a vampire. Dio Brando became a vampire through the power of one of these masks.
However, when powered with the Red Stone of Asia, a gem that can amplify the powers of the sun, a vampire can effectively become immortal. When Kars does this, he not only becomes immune to sunlight and Ripple, but he also gains the ability to shapeshift into whatever he wants, such as gaining wings or turning feathers into fucking piranhas.
*'''Vampires''': Human beings transformed by the Stone Masks, vampires are essentially watered-down versions of the Pillar Men. They have similar traits, such as super strength, horrific flesh-manipulating powers, the need to feed on human blood and a vulnerability to sunlight and Ripple, but just don't stack up to the Pillar Men in terms of power.\

===Duwang===
If you're wondering why some people keep referencing "Duwang" or "ABAJ", it is a reference to an extremely poorly translated version of JoJo part 4, infamously known as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6S2Tj-3nmw the "Duwang" translation]. For the longest time it was the only available English translation, leaving a lasting impact on JoJo fans. The Engrish phrases used are so unintentionally hilarious that the dialogue was eventually ported over into fansubs for the anime version. Let's face it, JoJo is an extremely [[meme]]y comic, which seems to account for part of its popularity.

==JoJo Media==
*'''Manga''': Obviously, if you want JoJo in its original, true form, you can find yourself some copies or just read it online. Beware of the ever-changing art styles and hilarity. Something to note; Stardust Crusaders will be rereleased in hardback covers in fall 2016.

*'''1993 OVA''': An OVA for Stardust Crusaders that came out in 1993, but had a few more episodes were released sometime in 2000 that take place before the '93 OVA. Takes the arc far more seriously than the manga, with added gore and dramatic, tension-filled scenes.

*'''Fighting Vidya''': Originally a fighting arcade game that was released for Arcades, the Dreamcast and PS1 in 1998, this was pretty much the first contact many Westerners had with JoJo. Based on Part 3 and plays a lot like Street Fighter because it was made by Capcom, who at the time were also working on Street Fighter 3. Available on the PSN and Xbox markets for those who want to play it.

*'''PS2 Vidyas''': There are two other Vidya made around 2005, based around Part 1 (Which was supposed to tie into the movie that never released) and Part 5. These were never released stateside and admittedly aren't that noteworthy. They are, however, far more faithful to the original series (as Araki was working on the stories to these games) with everything that entails.

*'''TV Series''': A very well animated TV series by David Production made in 2012, which is responsible for the current Jojo resurgence. As of April 2016, they have fully animated and released Part 1-3, with Part 1 and 2 dubbed in English. Part 4 is ongoing and episodes are released weekly.

*'''All-Star Battle''': Another JoJo fighting vidya from 2013, but this time pulls characters from all eight arcs. Nothing really notable except that it's the most ''absolutely fucking fabulous'' game ever.

*'''Eyes of Heaven''': ''Another'' JoJo vidya, this time a arena fighting game with a few more characters that weren't in All-Star Battle. Notable for its absolutely hilarious story mode involving time-travel, the other JoJo's meeting each other, and Dio basically becoming a [[Chaos God]]. The ending basically rewrites part 3 and onward to be a bit less [[grimdark]], in that Jotaro's entire party survives at the end, while Jotaro becomes a better father to Jolyne as he brings her with him at start of part 4. [[Dawww]].

[[Category: Weeaboo]]
[[Category: Under Development]]

Space Marines

2016-09-08T15:22:03Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:7921:1E21:213E:C7BA: /* The Lifespan Debate */

''For the vidya gaem, please see: [[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine]]''

''"O my brothers, I dedicate and direct you to a new nobility: you shall become procreators and cultivators and sowers of the future — verily, not to a nobility that you might buy like shopkeepers and with shopkeepers' gold: for whatever has its price has little value. Not whence you came shall henceforth constitute your honor, but whither you are going! Your will and your foot which has a will to go over and beyond yourselves — that shall constitute your new honor."''<br>--Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

''"They shall be my finest warriors, these men who give of themselves to me. Like clay I shall [[Finecast|mould]] them, and in the furnace of war forge them. They will be of iron will and steely muscle. In great [[Pauldrons|armour]] shall I clad them and with the [[Bolter|mightiest guns]] will they be armed. They will be untouched by [[Nurgle|plague]] or disease, no sickness will blight them. They will have [[Deep Strike|tactics]], [[Steel Rain|strategies]] and [[Dreadnought|mac]][[Centurion Squad|hin]][[METAL BOXES|es]] so that no foe can best them in battle. They are my bulwark against [[Chaos|the Terror]]. They are the Defenders of Humanity. They are my [[Robert Heinlein|Space Marines]] and they shall know no fear."''<br>--The [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], on [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQwTyGeoprA the Creation of the Space Marines.][https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c And now in music format!]
[[File:Silver Skull.jpg|300px|right|thumb|WE ARE THE EMPRAH'S FUREH!]]

The '''Space Marines''', also known as '''[[Indrick Boreale|SPESS MEHREENS]]''' (canonically named the Adeptus Astartes; Astarte is the Greek name for the Mesopotamian goddess of war, Ishtar. Ironic given that the Astartes is an all-male organization) are an army in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe. They are bio-enhanced super soldiers clad in [[Power Armour]], and are generally regarded as the toughest warriors to ever serve the [[Emprah|Emperor]] (except for the Adeptus Custodes and Imperial Assassins). The average Space Marine is around eight feet tall. They used to be seven feet in the old fluff, but [[Dan Abnett]] and the rest of Games Workshop have a hard-on for gigantism (though they have addressed the problems real-life gigantism can cause by throwing in more bio-engineering) so they jacked them up a foot, though RPGs from Fantasy Flight Games and games by THQ scaled them back to the more reasonable seven feet. Although do note that the height of Marines can vary greatly; some can even reach ''ten'' feet, like [[Asterion Moloc]].

Internally, they have bones that can repel anything short of a boltgun round and can breathe underwater even without their helmets on because they have a third lung. They can also breathe all but the most potent of toxic fumes with little to no damage to their respiratory system, have two hearts, and live for hundreds of years (they may be functionally immortal, but they usually die in battle after a few centuries, so nobody can be sure). They are vastly more powerful in their [[fluff|official descriptions]] than they actually are in the ''Warhammer 40,000'' tabletop game (although the Marines statted in [[Dark Heresy]] or [[Rogue Trader]] are walking rapemachines, and the [[player character]] Marines in [[Deathwatch]] are hard as nails). Much like the [[Chaos Space Marines]] are the 40k successors of the [[Warriors of Chaos]], Space Marines are the 40k successors of Warrior Priests, right down to their BALD. Portrayals range from hardcore but plausible super-soldiers to shameless [[Mary Sue]]s who could fight off Batman with one hand and the Joker with the other. Although occasionally, they serve to make other galactic forces seem superior. ''More like the Ineptes Astartes.''

They account for approximately 35% of the playable armies (counting chaos space marines) in 40k, over 21.4% (yeah, I thought that was a pretty conservative estimate too) of played armies among the 40k fandom (factoring in that people can collect and play more than one 40k army), and as of October 2010, receive about 50% or more of new releases. While there are many, ''many'' chapters that you can choose from, the actual armies basically boil down to six main choices: [[Dark Angels]], [[Blood Angels]], [[Space Wolves]], [[Grey Knights]], [[Legion of the Damned]] (barely), [[Deathwatch]], and everybody else. Everyone who's a successor of the first two choices follows their codex and generally share their units, while the "everybody else" just follows the generic Space Marine codex. Don't let the promotional art fool you, though; the Space Marine army isn't exclusively [[smurfs]]. It used to be that you also had individual codices the [[Black Templars]], but they got folded into the generic Space Marine army. At least they still get special chapter-specific units, which is more than can be said for the likes of the [[Salamanders]] or other important yet still-neglected chapters.

Contrary to that, fluff-wise Space Marines are amongst the smallest factions in the game, second only to the Sisters of Battle. With all Chaos and Loyalist Marines combined they number below two millions in a galaxy where Imperium alone have tens of millions of honest to good inhabited worlds (not some dipshit colonies with a population of only few millions). In fact any single capital-class space ship have a population higher than the entirety of Marines in the Galaxy. Furthermore, marine armies are extremely fractured, very rarely deployed at above a few companies per war zone. GW never cared to explain how forces so small could have such a huge impact on the battlefields, when Orks, Guard and Tyranids could field their troops in millions, and Chaos can convert entire populations of planets (which is often tens of billions). Regardless, everything that is something in the setting has a tendency to at least have a bit Space Marines in it, if they aren't flat-out the protagonists. Expect enormous campaigns to revolve around a few companies, regardless of the involved numbers of Guardsmen and enemy xenos and chaotic characters, and the Marines to be the key to victory in any given war.

Of the many kinds of 40k fans, the Space Marine fanboy might be the most obnoxious ''and'' common one. They closely resemble fans of a politically radical movements; having little to no ability to see their own faction's obvious and glaring faults, while demonstratively arguing that all other factions are below them. The Space Marine fan fervently believes that any Marine-centered Bolter Porn presents the truth about the setting, which will lead to many a SM Fan proclaiming that they know ''exactly'' how all other factions are weaker in relation to Marines, regardless of what the actual fans of those factions and accepted lore actually says. Space Marine fans are often fans who have been reading the books or playing Dawn of War before getting into the wider setting, and as such get their views in a bit of a twist. Fortunately, many Space Marine fans end up migrating to another faction, becoming bored with the Marines and getting into a faction [[Orks|with some]] [[Imperial Guard|meat in]] [[Dark Eldar|it]], or, in search of further elitist kicks, get's [[Eldar|into something]] [[Tau|even worse]].

[[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] [[Meme|has a hard-on for Space Marines]]. [[Slaanesh|Between the writers favoritism and the "Spots the Space Marine" fiasco, it's gotten to the point where they should seek professional help]]."

==History==
After the end of the [[Age of Strife]], the Emperor of Mankind wanted to reunite [[humanity]] in a [[Great Crusade]] across the galaxy, and he realized that in order to do this he would need one epic-ass army and equally epic generals to lead it. He created the [[Primarchs]], his sons, to be his generals, and let me tell you, these guys were some of the most insanely powerful badasses in all the lore of 40k, and that is saying something. (There is a story in which [[Sanguinius|one of them]] snaps a fucking [[Bloodthirster]]'s spine over his knee.) From their DNA, he created the [[First Founding|Legiones Astartes, the first Space Marines]]. Their first task was to locate their Primarchs, because the [[Chaos Gods|Gods]] of [[Chaos]] had scattered them across the galaxy in an attempt to foil the Emperor's efforts at human reunification. All of the Primarchs were eventually recovered and reunited with their respective legions, but then, at the height of the Space Marines' power, disaster struck. [[Horus]], the Emperor's most trusted Primarch, fell to Chaos and turned traitor along with his legion, the [[Luna Wolves]], and several others followed suit. After much [[Grimdark|sorrow, pain, and civil warring]], the Emperor killed Horus personally, but was mortally wounded in the process, which is why he is now a zombie being kept alive by the technologies of the Golden Throne. The traitor legions, who are now known as the [[Chaos Space Marines]], were defeated and pushed back to the [[Eye of Terror]]. All of the Primarchs that did not fall to Chaos during the Horus Heresy have either disappeared or been killed, and none remain to lead the Space Marine legions (though [[Roboute Guilliman]], primarch of the [[smurfs]], is [[Matthew Ward|according to some people]] healing in stasis). In addition, after the Heresy, the legions were mostly [[Second Founding|split into smaller "Chapters"]] of up to a thousand Marines according to the teachings of the [[Codex Astartes]] (although some Chapters, such as the [[Space Wolves]] and the [[Black Templars]], do not follow Astartes orthodoxy and maintain forces in much greater numbers, and [[Dark Angels|some chapters]] go so far as to form almost legion-strength forces.)
[[File:Prayer before battle.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Marine with half his face missing, skulls in the wall, bolter laying ready and servitors with hoods swinging censors. Ladies and gents, [[Warhammer 40k]].]]

The Space Marines are most commonly looked upon as warrior-monks, generally referring to each other as "Brother", "Battle Brother" or some variation thereof based on rank, spending most or all of their time training, in battle, or venerating the Emperor. However, no two Chapters are exactly alike, and many differ wildly from the standard perception of the Marines. The Space Wolves, as one example, appear to be much less disciplined than most other Chapters, maintaining a much larger force than permitted by the Codex and frequently having great feasts with much merriment and drinking (the Space Wolves happen to produce the only intoxicating beverage known to have any effect on Marine physiology, and which liquefies the innards of non-Astartes). Their attitude toward others in the Imperium can also differ greatly from Chapter to Chapter or even from marine to marine. Some are very idealistic, believing very strongly in their role as protectors of humanity (such as the [[Celestial Lions]] or the [[Salamanders]]). Others, like the [[Black Templars]], tend to disregard the ordinary elements of the Imperium, and emphasize much more their role as a weapon against its enemies.

Their attitude towards the Emperor can also vary. Although they are typically believed to worship him as a deity like most of the rest of the Imperium, the Space Marines are, by virtue of their gene-seeds, derived from the Primarchs and hence the Emperor himself, making them much closer to him than most humans. In fact, many of the Space Marine chapters' beliefs maintain some of the old [[Imperial Truth]] that the Emperor was not a god, but simply the greatest of mortal men, worthy of praise and veneration but not a deity proper. Although it is true that the majority of the chapters certainly venerate him in an orthodox manner, others just scream his name a lot because that's tradition.

[[Image:Blingmarine.jpg|thumb|right|The great Papa Smurf hisself.]]
Space Marines are generally regarded as having something of an "unfair advantage" in the tabletop, mainly because every young 40k player has a strong liking for them, and almost every unit in the listings has at least a 3+ armor save, making them rather hard to kill, especially when considering armies such as the Blood Angels have models that allow players to roll an additional "Feel No Pain" 4+ save if they fail the 3+ one. The problem is that it took 3 Space Marine chapter books in 5th edition to come up with a Space Marine Codex framework that didn't suck (almost nothing in C:SW is non-competitive or poorly priced), which is why Long Fangs are usually 50 points cheaper than their Space Marine counterparts, while being twice as effective. Why are Devastators supposedly more expensive? Combat tactics. Yeah, you're never going to use it. The Ultramarines in particular are an extremely popular choice of Space Marine chapter, and their blue design coupled with the small size of the miniatures often leads to them being referred to as "Smurfs". Thanks to [[Indrick Boreale]], the Space Marines in general are frequently called "Spess Mehreens", or variations to that effect.

The Space Marines of today look very different from the glory days of Rogue Trader, when they earned the nickname "[[beakie|beakies]]" because of their signature helmets.

Also, contrary to popular belief, Chaos Spess Mehreens are better then their non-heretical counterparts. This includes better at failing (I'm looking at you, [[Abaddon]]) and making memes ([[SPESS MEHREENS|SIINDRI]] and [[Metal Boxes|METAL BAWKSES]]).

Denizens of /tg/ are prone to claiming a wide variety of things about the Space Marines, usually about their sexual activity (or lack thereof), ranging from assertions that the genitalia of a Space Marine is nonfunctional to claims that they are castrated during the creation process. They never have any supporting evidence for these theories and it is not clear whether or not Space Marines are allowed to have sex, which chapters would allow them to have sex, if they even can have sex, if they're still capable of normal human reproduction, or what bits they may or may not still possess. Still, that doesn't stop anyone from stating their personal opinion as if it were fact.

[[File:Sons of Corax by MajesticChicken.jpg|450px|thumb|left|When the going gets tough, the tough get going.]]

==The Lifespan Debate==

The lifespan for Astartes is something of a tricky subject. While it’s made clear that Space Marines live many centuries longer than normal humans, exactly how long they’re ''supposed'' to live has never really been elaborated on. It doesn’t help that there has never been a Space Marine shown or described to have ever died of anything resembling old age, and that different chapter bloodlines (and writers) each appear to handle aging differently. So there really isn’t any kind of baseline to work with here. Perhaps most central to the issue is the question of whether or not Astartes are biologically immortal.

On the “for” side, both Dan Abnett and Graham McNeill claim that Astartes are indeed immortal, and that although they might physically age (grey hair, wrinkles, etc.) it is only skin deep and they are in just as good physical condition as when they first joined the Astartes, only dying when they are killed. Nick Kyme also appears to be a believer in the immortal point of view (though more in a sitting-stone-gathers-moss-and-lasts-forever kind of way), as in his Salamanders series, an [[wat|Astartes survivor from the Horus-friggin-Heresy was found in a crashed and buried Salamanders starship]]. His armor had melded into the metal of the ship and he could no longer move, but he was alive. He had apparently been sitting there watching over the empty, ancient suits of armor from his fallen brothers for ten thousand years. He was also borderline crazy from all the memories filling his head (thanks eidetic memory, but then if he had human memory he'd have Alzheimers or something) and his vocal cords and throat were dessicated, so old age does have an effect.

On the “against” side, the Blood Angels are specifically noted for having exceptionally long, but limited lifespans, namely a 1000 years give or take, and Marines from other chapters don’t live nearly as long. This has been reaffirmed in the current Blood Angels Codex, and it should be noted that it was written by GW's biggest Space Marine fanboy. Yes, even Ward says Space Marines can die of old age.

So yeah, Black Library has a tendency to be inconsistent with the established lore. Big surprise. But in this case the reason is twofold: firstly, some gamers would think less of the Space Marines if they could die of old age, and Games Workshop doesn't want that. Secondly, Games Workshop seems to agree that they would be awesome if they didn't die of old age, but they don't want to anger the part of the fanbase that would disapprove of Space Marines being biologically immortal, so they're deliberately vague about it. Besides, if Marines were already immortal, it would give the [[Chaos Space Marines]] less impetus to become [[daemon prince]]s.

Biologically immortal or not, at the end of the day the only true measurement of an Astartes’ lifespan is how killy they are. If Space Marines can die of old age, they’re almost certainly going to die in battle before age ever starts to take its toll, and if it does, then they just die in battle as soon as old age starts to slow them down, so that doesn't really count. As a general estimate, though, 400-500 years seems to be a good average life expectancy for most Space Marines. Past that point, a Space Marine is usually considered among their chapter’s most venerable elders, and only the real badasses ever get this old.

==Creation==

[[File:1396451926378.jpg|400px|thumb|right|From deranged lab-experiment to fucking [[awesome]].]]

Knowing [[Chaos|just]] [[C'tan|what]] [[Necron|the]] [[Dark Eldar|fuck]] [[Ork|was]] [[Eldar|waiting]] for humanity in space, the Emperor of Mankind designed the [[gene-seed]], [[Gene-seed#The_Organs|nineteen special organs]] to enhance the regular human body to keep the Space Marines going when fighting these monstrosities. Over a series of several years, human adolescents, dubbed aspirants, are selected through a rigorous process which varies from Chapter to Chapter. They are always male, with cited reasons including that Astartes are basically clones of their Primarchs, and by extension the Emperor, and that the geneseed requires portions of the Y-chromosome to function.

When their training goes to the next stage, the aspirants are implanted with the initial gene-seed. They then become neophytes, Space Marines in training. As the gene-seed is implanted into them, the neophytes also go through hypnotic conditioning to hone their responses. By the time they're done, the subject has few impulses beyond fighting and killing in the name of the Emperor (it's sometimes thought that this is what kills their sex drive) and most of their memories of their earlier lives are all but forgotten.

After receiving all these organs and conditioning, it's highly arguable if a Space Marine still qualifies as human. Though the [[Imperium of Man]] has basic "kill on sight" orders for most non-humans and venerates the "Holy Human Form", the topic of whether or not Space Marines violate this edict is ignored, mostly because they were designed by the Emperor and thus considered holy creations. There is also an understandable hesitance to declare war on the only thing standing between the Imperium and the unfathomable evil of the [[Chaos Gods]]. Arguably marines are no less human than Mechanicum, just with organic implants instead of bionics, and mechanicums are likewise still count as 100% right and proper humans (even if most of them consider themselves a separate species or at least "humans 2.0" ).

In fact, this religious need to adhere to the Holy Human Form may be why the Emperor designed the gene-seed to be a bio-enhancement project and not a genetic modification one; all of a Space Marine's inhuman abilities are a result of the artificially engineered organs shoved into their bodies during their creation, either directly (the secondary heart or multi-lung) or indirectly (the Ossmodula, which alters their hormone balance and so makes their skeleton growth go berserk). Consequently, this means a Space Marine would technically pass a genetic scan of being "human" better than an [[abhuman]] like an [[Ogryn]] or [[Ratling]] would. Though, the holiness of the Human Form came long after the Horus Heresy, so this theory is unlikely. Besides, the Emperor did attempt genetic modification but it proved either too expensive (Thunder Warriors) or resulted in unrecorded disasters. Gene-enhancements are also much more conductive to mass-production.

Yes, this tramples all over the spirit of the law whilst technically adhering to the letter, but it's hardly unique -- see the Ecclesiarchy having its own army of [[Sisters of Battle|power-armored gun-toting nuns]] despite being formally forbidden to have "men" under arms.

Another theory is that the Space Marines were designed this way for more symbolic reasons. Done this way Marines retain a link to humanity; all were born human, no more than any other citizen. They became more through science and training but they aren't some new species or a warrior caste. As marines they are beyond humans but they know where they came from. The regular citizens see the marines as the best of humanity, proxies for the emperors power. The marines remember humans are their kin and while they are more than human they are still the same species all coming from the same root. The power vested in them doesn't pass by blood, it passes by merit and a normal citizen can still aspire to becoming an Astartes even if that's a long shot. The Emperor's whole deal was based around humanity, so he built something that could be a symbol to all humanity. He could have bred a new war species but he altered us because his dream of the Imperium was the dream of humanity. Symbolic difference, sure, but it matters. There's a reason space marines are venerated not feared.

Incidentally, bio-enhancements like the gene-seed are actually more controllable than a genetic enhancing procedure would be, since the resultant outcome is more predictable, more easily mass-produced, and it means that even if a Space Marine could have kids, they would in all likelihood not be different from ordinary humans, since their abilities aren't tied to them on a genetic level, though they would be far more likely to become space marines since some amount of genetic compatibility is required.

==Official /tg/ Space Marine Chapters==
[[File:Cloten.jpg|300px|right|thumb|THE RAPE TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES!!!]]
One of /tg/'s favorite pastimes is creating new and exciting chapters of the Adeptus Astartes based on silly concepts. [[/tg/|/tg/'s]] [[/tg/'s homebrews|homebrew]] chapters include:

*[[Adeptus Orthodontus]]
*[[Angry Marines]]
*[[Bald Marines]]
*[[Bro Marines|Alpha Sigma Sigma]]
*[[Butthurt Marines]]
*[[The Wonderful Misadventures of: Inquisitor Fob and the Classy Marines|Classy Marines]]
*[[Censor Marines]]
*[[Comedy Marines]]
*[[Disco Marines]]
*[[Dorf Marines]]
*[[Drunk Marines]]
*[[Sigmar Marines|Emperor's Hammers]]
*[[Emperor's Paragons]]
*[[Galactic Partridges]]
*[[Golden Aquilas]]
*[[Lazy Marines]]
*[[Manly Marines]]
*[[Metal Marines]]
*[[Mexicarines]]
*[[Mole Marines]]
*[[Obstinate Marines]]
*[[Pathetic Marines]]
*[[Pretty Marines]]
*[[Reasonable Marines]]
*[[Red Skeletons]]
*[[Scary Marines]]
*[[Silly Marines]]
*[[Sleepy Marines|Dream Warriors]]
*[[Star Shanks]]
*[[Elderly Marines]]
'''As you can see, /tg/ has a problem with creativity.'''
===Second Founding of /tg/ Space Marine Chapters===
After the release of Deathwatch: Rites of Battle, /tg/ quickly flung itself at the chapter creation rules and began to produce a second wave of /tg/ chapters. Noticeably more serious business than the previous chapters, these Spess Mahreens range from the widely popular Emperor's Nightmare, to the derpy Flesh Helms.

*[[BANE OF SANITY]]-AGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*[[Abyssal Jaws]] - Institutionally sharky.
*[[Black Locks]] - Institutionally corsair.
*[[Blood Jaguars]] - Institutionally Aztec.
*[[Brotherhood of the Gauntlet]] - Institutionally Arabic Ghazi.
*[[Brotherhood of the Megalith]] - Institutionally rocky.
*[[Conservators]] - Institutionally poor and under-equipped. It's what happens when you piss of the Mechanicus.
*[[Deep Ones (Tiji Sector)|Deep Ones]] - Institutionally aquatic and environmentally resistant.
*[[Desert Fangs]] - Institutionally [[Angry Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Dune Walkers]] - Institutionally Arabic Nomads.
*[[Emperor's Bears]] - Institutionally lost.
*[[Emperor's Nightmare]] - Institutionally [[Sleepy Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Eyes of Mordred]] - Institutionally [[Scary Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Flesh Helms]] - Institutionally [[Imperial Guard]] of the Adeptus Astartes.
*[[Guardians Exemplar]] - Institutionally equal to the [[Marines Malevolent]].
*[[Ice Serpents]] - Institutionally [[Baneblade|mechanized]] for war.
*[[Ice Wraiths]] - Institutionally [[Awesome|cyborg-ice-vampire-yeti-riders]].
*[[Knights Inductor]] - Institutionally [[Reasonable Marines]] taken seriously. Also [[Mary Sues|MARY SUES]], don't mention them on /tg/. You'll just [[troll|cause a shitstorm]]
*[[Knights Repentant]] - Institutionally UTTERLY LOYAL and true pre-heresy [[Word Bearers]].
*[[Lumbermarines]] - Institutionally lumberjacks.
*[[Rising Sons]] - Institutionally BANZAI!!!
*[[Screaming Eagles]] - Institutionally 'MURICAN!!! FUCK YEAH!
*[[Talons of Corvus]] - Institutionally a more heroic [[Command and Conquer|Nod]].
*[[The Sovereign's Appraisal]] - Institutionally loyal and sympathetic despite mutations, being declared renegade, [[Slaanesh]] trying to seduce them and the [[Ultramarines]] and their successors trying to terminate them.
*[[War Brothers]] - Institutionally not giving a damn about what the [[Dark Angels]] want from them.
*[[The Adeptus Estates]] - Institutionally home building.
*[[Mourning Sons]] - Institutionally shedding [[Fist of the North Star|Manly Tears]].
*[[Star Krakens]] - Institutionally Viking, yet not [[Space Wolves|THAT]] Viking. Plus one of the biggest of shits that /tg/ has done right. AND HOW!
*[[Space Knights]] - Institutionally dour.
'''The second wave WOULD show improvements to creativity... If they didn't use a RPG system as a crutch, among other issues. '''

==GW Space Marine Chapters==
[[File:40k RPG.jpg|300px|right|thumb|We honestly can't tell whether this is a dude or a chick, so you'll just have to make a guess and face the consequences.]]
*[[Aurora Chapter]] - Institutionally lazily named.
*[[Astral Claws]] - Institutionally secessionist.
*[[Astral Knights]] - Institutionally [[The World Engine|crazy awesome, but totally dead]].
*[[Alpha Legion]] - Institutionally closet loyalists
*[[Black Dragons]] - Institutionally taking their cue from Wolverine.
*[[Black Templars]] - Institutionally crusaders.
*[[Blood Angels]] - Institutionally [[Black Rage|unstable]].
*[[Blood Ravens]] - Institutionally relic hunters.
*[[Celebrants]] - Institutionally gradient.
*[[Celestial Lions]] - Institutionally suffering losses from [[Ork Snipers]].
*[[Crimson Fists]] - Institutionally Mexican.
*[[Dark Angels]] - '''THE MOST LOYAL OF ALL SPACE MARINES. PLEASE FOLLOW ME DOWN THIS SUSPICIOUS DARK ALLEY SO THAT I MAY EDUCATE YOU ON HOW LOYAL WE ARE, AND THEN GIVE YOU A PERMANENT VACATION TO A NICE PLACE WHERE YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR FAMILY AGAIN.'''
*[[Dark Hunters]] - Institutionally grim of grim marines.
*[[Death Spectres]] - Institutionally albino.
*[[Deathwatch]] - Institutionally, intentionally and professionally xenocidal. Employed by the [[Inquisition]], recruited from other Chapters.
*[[Doom Eagles]] - Institutionally doomed.
*[[Excoriators]] - Institutionally ugly.
*[[Executioners]] - Institutionally [[lawful stupid|honorable]].
*[[Exorcists]] - Institutionally [[Heresy|possessed and exorcised]].
*[[Flesh Tearers]] - Institutionally RIP AND TEAR.
*[[Flame Falcons]] - Institutionally ON FIRE. ALL OF THEM.
*[[Fire Lords]] - Institutionally [[Flamer|burny]], possibly more so than the Salamanders (see below).
*[[Genesis Chapter]] - Institutionally [[Ultramarines]].
*[[Grey Knights]] - Institutionally killing [[Daemon|Daemons]].
*[[Guardians of the Covenant]] - Institutionally record-keeping catholic space monks.
*[[Hammers of Dorn]] - Institutionally trolling the Ultramarines.
*[[Howling Griffons]] - Institutionally Black Templars wannabes.
*[[Imperial Fists]] - Institutionally waiting tactically.
*[[Invaders]] - Institutionally trading blows with Eldar.
*[[Iron Hands]] - Institutionally [[Awesome|Scottish]].
*[[Iron Snakes]] - Institutionally [[Awesome|Texas Rangers]].
*[[Lamenters]] - Institutionally unlucky.
*[[Legion of the Damned]] - Institutionally undead.
*[[Marines Malevolent]] - Institutionally MASSIVE assholes.
*[[Mantis Warriors]] - Institutionally misdirecting.
*[[Mentors]] - Institutionally academic. Has not been heard from [[Rogue Trader (Sourcebook)|for a long time]].
*[[Minotaurs]] - Institutionally mysteriously paranoid teamkilling assholes. They are suspected to be in league with the [[High Lords of Terra]] as an attempt to police the Adeptus Astartes. Cause that'll work.
*[[Mortifactors]] - Institutionally goth.
*[[Raptors]] - Institutionally [[Reasonable_Marines|reasonable]] and [[shooty]].
*[[Raven Guard]] - Institutionally [[Troll|tricksy]] and speedy.
*[[Rainbow Warriors]] - Institutionally not appearing in this game.
*[[Red Scorpions]] - Institutionally pure.
*[[Red Talons]] - Institutionally bloodthirsty.
*[[Relictors]] - Institutionally radical.
*[[Salamanders]] - Institutionally [[Flamer|burny]]. Also, surprisingly nice for all their... fiery nature.
*[[Sable Swords]] - Institutionally heirs to the [[Astral Knights]].
*[[Scythes of the Emperor]] - Institutionally NOT DEAD YET.
*[[Silver Skulls]] - Institutionally [[Shaman|shamanistic]].
*[[Sons of Medusa]] - Institutionally lime green.
*[[Soul Drinkers]] - Institutionally rebellious.
*[[Space Sharks]] - Institutionally [[Shark|SHARKY]], BITCH!
*[[Space Wolves]] - Institutionally spess vikings with a wolf fetish
*[[Star Phantoms]] - Institutionally SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!.
*[[Storm Wardens]] - Institutionally Celtic.
*[[Ultramarines]] - Institutionally [[Codex_Astartes|orthodox]].
*[[White Scars]] - Institutionally Mongolian.

==Space Marine Chapter Masters==
[[File:Angels of the Rock.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Tiny head syndrome is a common side effect of the augmentations]]
*[[Marneus Calgar]] (A.K.A Papa Smurf) - Chapter Master of the Ultramarsmur.....I mean [[Ultramarines]]. Received the rank by having the most plot armor.
*[[Dante]] - Chapter Master of the [[Blood Angels]]. '''Beware!!!!'''. Dante is watching you! Received the rank for being so old and always wearing a mask so no one knows what his face looks like anymore.
*[[Logan Grimnar]] - Great Wolf of the [[Space Wolves]]. Is the wolfiest of all the wolf lords without being a furry.
*[[Azrael]] - Supreme Grand Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. Best at VANQUISHING FOUL TRAITORS FROM OTHER LEGIONS.
*[[Vorn Hagen]] - Chapter Master of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Appointed as Chapter Master out of pity after the [[Darnath Lysander|TRUE HERO]] turned down the job.
*[[Jubal Khan]] - Chapter Master of the [[White Scars]]. Proved his speediness by outracing a bike mounted captain wearing only rollerskates.
*[[Tu'Shan]] - Master of the Fire Drakes, [[derp|de-Facto]] Chapter Master of the [[Salamanders]]. Forged the burniest flamer.
*[[Kardan Stronos]] - Chapter Master of the [[Iron Hands]](sort of). Was actually democratically elected for diplomatic reasons, temporarily. It's complicated.
*Corvin Severax - Former Chapter Master of the [[Raven Guard]], nicknamed "Master of Shadows". Got the job by being the sneakiest of the sneaky marines(they were looking for him to officially grant him the rank until the last day). Unfortunately some [[Shadowsun|blue-skinned bitch]] had him killed in the Damocles Gulf (ironically by being even sneakier and trickier then him). [[Kayvaan Shrike]] was decided unanimously to be his successor, adding to his [[awesome]].
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] - Supreme Grand Master and of the [[Grey Knights]] and one of [[Matt Ward]]'s [[Mary Sue|Special Snowflakes]]. Honored for being the single biggest mary sue in the whole damn setting.
*[[Helbrecht]] - High Marshall of the [[Black Templars]]. Was voted High Marshall for being the angriest of the not angry marines.
*[[Pedro Kantor]] - Chapter Master of the [[Crimson Fists]]. Got the most votes (read: all three) during the election.
*[[Gabriel Seth]] - Chapter Master of the [[Flesh Tearers]]. Ripped and tore the most during the chapter master audition(also kicked one of the judges in the balls).
*[[Azariah Kyras]] - Former Chapter Master of the [[Blood Ravens]] who was killed for being a filthy, despicable, traitorous, no good follower of Chaos. Later replaced by [[Gabriel Angelos]].
*Sarpedon - Chapter Master of the [[Soul Drinkers]].
*Carab Culln - Lord High Commander of the [[Red Scorpions]]. Got promoted after the last one was killed.
*Artekus Bardane - Chapter Master of the [[Relictors]]. Collects and uses chaos artifacts better then anyone in the chapter.
*[[Asterion Moloc]] - Chapter Master of the [[Minotaurs]]. No clue how he got the job, our inquiries were met with death threats and top level cease and desist orders. Has a laser-shooting pimp cane.
*[[Lugft Huron]] - Chapter Master of the [[Astral Claws]]. Got the rank by being absolutely awesome, unfortunately he overdid it and caused the [[Badab War]].
*Lias Issodon - Chapter Master of the [[Raptors_(Chapter)|Raptors]]. The most reasonable of the not-reasonable marines.
*[[Tyberos the Red Wake]] - Chapter Master of the [[Space Sharks]]. Showed the best technique when it came to applying '''RIP AND TEAR''' to heretic asses, assisted by his [[awesome|lightning chainfists]].
*Omadon Tiresias - Chapter Master of the [[Star Phantoms]]. Blinded by warp storms during the evacuation of the Star Phantom home world, he forsook his own sight to save the relics of his chapter.

== Rivalries ==
[[File:Moloc.JPG|300px|right|thumb|Everyone hates the Minotaurs]]

*'''Space Wolves and Dark Angels''' - The Space Wolves and Dark Angels have a rather tumultuous and sometimes violent rivalry, but in a way their legions truly reflect the relationship between brothers. The rivalry itself stems from a confrontation between their primarchs that stemmed from the different cultures the primarchs had come up in. During a joint operation between the Wolves and the Dark Angels, the planet's ruler had insulted Russ personally, so Russ resolved to slay him personally. The Lion tried to cut Russ in on his deep strike plan, but Russ would have none of it: He didn't want to defeat the enemy, he wanted to utterly crush them. Frustrated with his brother's lack of cooperation, the Lion launched his strike without the wolves help, and Russ fought his way into the planetary ruler's palace just in time to watch the Lion behead him. Furious, Russ threw down his weapons and punched the Lion, starting a lengthy fist fight that only ended when Russ started laughing upon realizing how pointless the fight was and how stupid he'd been. Thinking that Russ was laughing at him, the Lion punched Russ unconscious. When Russ awoke he sought out the Lion to make amends, but he had already departed with his fleet. Though the two would work together again, the Lion was rather unforgiving (oh the irony) towards Russ. To Russ the Lion seemed the antagonist. After all, in the halls of Fenris a brawl between angry brothers was hardly unusual. When the fight ended you'd toast each other and drink away the bruises and move on. To the Lion Russ seemed at fault. After all, in the knightly orders of Caliban striking one's brothers was not done: petty infighting could not be tolerated when monsters slavered at the gate. As is so often the case between brothers, both were at fault and neither would back down. To this day the Space Wolves and Dark Angels (and their successor chapters) will fight (usually) non-lethal honor duels to "settle the score," though "the score" has never really been agreed on. Occasionally tensions between the two chapters will boil over into open warfare which is often caused by <strike>Fallen Angels</strike> TRAITORS UNASSOCIATED WITH THE DARK ANGELS hiding amidst the Space Wolves' protectorate worlds, using the tensions to their advantage. Finally it's worth noting that even though the two (former) legions often fight, they never show that rivalry to the wider imperium, and they'll set aside their rivalry whenever they need to [[get shit done]] together.

*'''Ultramarines and the Word Bearers''' - The Ultramarines are pissed off at the Word Bearers for a great many things: 1) They turned traitor 2) They used millions of cultists as meat shields during the battle of Calth, which the Ultramarines saw as dishonorable and disgusting 3) They almost destroyed Calth

*'''Ultramarines and the Alpha Legion''' - The Alpha Legion led the Ultramarines halfway across the galaxy on a fool's errand that ultimately ensured they were nowhere near the Imperial Palace during the Horus Heresy. Adding insult to injury, they inflicted enormous casualties on the Ultramarines, and though they succeeded in killing Alpharius (or did they?), the Alpha Legion's command structure was so decentralized that it did little to affect them.

*'''Ultramarines and the Black Templars (also the Imperial Fists, the Crimson Fists, the Space Wolves, and the Salamanders)''' - When Roboute Guilliman tried to force the Codex Astartes on the Space Marine legions after the Horus Heresy, some legions - most notably the Imperial Fists - outright refused, not wanting their legions to be broken down into smaller chapters. Rogal Dorn called Guilliman a coward, while Guilliman called Dorn a rebel. The Space Wolves and the Salamanders ended up backing Dorn, while the Raven Guard and the White Scars supported Guilliman. The rivalry became so intense that the Imperial Navy even fired on the Imperial Fist strike cruiser ''Terrible Angel'', and it seemed that the Space Marines would war against one another once again. Finally, Rogal Dorn yielded to prevent another war and broke his legion into the Black Templars and the Crimson Fists. As the Ultramarines still were wary of the loyalties of the Imperial Fists and their successors, Sigismund - the first Emperor's Champion and the man that Dorn had appointed to be the Black Templars Chapter Master - declared a 10,000 year crusade in the Emperor's name to prove their loyalty. Even though tensions have since cooled between the Ultramarines and the other chapters, the Ultramarines are still suspicious about (read: sticking their nose into the business of) the Black Templars as they still refuse to conform to the Codex Astartes, and won't tell the Ultramarines just how huge their chapter is. In short, Sigismund and Leman Russ told Guilliman where he can shove his Codex Astartes, and he's all anal pained about it.

*'''Ultramarines and the Iron Warriors''' - [[Uriel Ventris]] and Pasanius Lysane, of the Ultramarines, were sworn to a Death Oath by their Chapter Master Marneus Calgar as punishment for violating the Codex Astartes (specifically, because they had abandoned the rest of their company to assist a Deathwatch Kill-team during the Battle of Tarsus Ultra). Their mission: find and destroy the [[Daemonculaba]]. The quest took the Ultramarines pair to the nightmarish [[Daemon World]] of [[Medrengard]], within the [[Eye of Terror]] itself. Medrengard was the homeworld of the Iron Warriors Traitor Legion. It was also the location of [[Honsou]], the evil Iron Warriors Warsmith who oversaw the Daemonculaba project from within his fortress, Khalan-Ghol. The Ultramarines were successful in destroying the Daemonculaba, and were also able to bring ruination to Khalan-Ghol and Honsou's forces. Uriel Ventris also managed to shoot Honsou in the head. Unfortunately, the Warsmith survived the headshot. Upon realizing the extent of the damage Uriel had caused, Honsou swore revenge and also the utter annihilation of [[Ultramar]]. Honsou was aware that before he ever dealt with Uriel Ventris, the Ultramarines spent years and countless resources and lives to repel a [[Tyranid]] incursion at Tarsis Ultra. Honsou thus unleashed a plan which destroyed every living thing on Tarsis Ultra, and reduced the planet itself to a lifeless rock. Destroying the planet provided no strategic gain to the Iron Warriors; Honsou carried out his horrific genocide simply to spite Uriel Ventris and the Ultramarines. Following this, the Iron Warriors use an army won from the [[Red Corsairs]] to free the [[Daemon Prince]] [[M'kar]], and invade [[Ultramar]]. Though the "Bloodborn" army is beaten back, the Ultramarines lost over one third of their battle-brothers in the attempt, leaving them open to attack for the first time since the First Tyrannic War and unable to properly participate in the Imperial counter-offensive for the [[13th Black Crusade]]. The Ultramarines and the Iron Warriors have thus become bitter enemies-- with Uriel Ventris and Honsou in particular becoming sworn foes.

*'''Ultramarines and the Hammers of Dorn''' - The Hammers adhere rigidly to the Codex Astartes, to the point where they point out any deviations from the codex by the Ultramarines. According to the Hammers of Dorn, Guilliman may have had the genius to pen the codex, but the sons of Dorn are the only ones that can bring out its full potential.

*'''Ultramarines and the Minotaurs''' - While the Minotaurs are hated by everyone the Ultramarines have a special grudge against them, due to the Euxine Incident during the Macharian Heresy. During the heresy the loyalist Doom Warriors and Inceptors chapters were busy [[skub|fighting each other over a matter of honor]], and refused to stop and aid Imperial forces. The Minotaurs were sent to quell the dispute, which they did in their [[rip and tear|usual manner]]. They attacked both sides in force, nearly destroying them both. The Doom Warriors were badly beaten and forced into a barely-organized retreat almost immediately. The Interceptors weren't so lucky. With no way to withdraw they suffered the full onslaught of the Minotaurs and finally surrendered with less then 100 marines left. The honored 2nd founding chapter was subsequently [[Blood Ravens|robbed of most of their chapter relics, the Minotaurs stealing them right off their dead bodies]], including their flagship, a relic of the Great Crusade. This brought them a great deal of hatred from the Ultramarines and their successors, who have since forbidden the Minotaurs from entering Ultramar and seek vengeance whenever the opportunity arises.

*'''Blood Angels and the World Eaters''' - Both constantly compete for superiority in melee combat and also the angriest motherfucking berserker full of rage.

*'''Raven Guard and White Scars''' - Supposedly dates back to a huge fucking argument between [[Corax]] and [[Jaghatai Khan]], where the two had a massive spat over the proper use of rapid-reaction forces. Corax insisted they be used as part of infiltration and deep-strike units, and Jaghatai insisted they were to be on the front lines - the two never really saw eye-to-eye, Corax seeing Jaghatai as devastatingly effective, but with the tactical sense of a drunken Space Wolf, and Jaghatai seeing Corax as too cautious and tactical for proper man-fighting. The two would eventually make up after the Horus Heresy, and both the Raven Guard and White Scars would be forced to ally on several occasions - most notably during the infamous Hunt for Voldorius - but an intense rivalry over whose fast-attack doctrine is better persists to this day, and the two factions are still kind of assholes to one another as a result.

*'''Blood Angels and the Black Legion''' - Considering that Horus killed their Primarch (who, before the Heresy, were closer than any other Primarchs) which resulted in them suffering from the Black Rage which eventually causes every descendant of Sanguinius to have visions of being killed by Horus, the Blood Angels probably despise the Black Legion to the point of pure obsession. Also as a rule, the Blood Angels have a special hatred for the [[Abaddon|owner]] of the '''Talon of Horus''', since it killed their father.

*'''World Eaters and the Grey Knights''' - Angron was banished back to the Warp by Grey Knights during the first battle of Armageddon, which resulted in the World Eaters' defeat. Angron has since been resurfacing, and has sworn revenge.

*'''Raven Guard and the Black Legion (also the Word Bearers, Night Lords, Iron Warriors, and Alpha Legion)''' - The Raven Guard were the second hardest hit by the Drop Site Massacre of Istvaan V ''(the Salamanders got hit worse, but there weren't really enough survivors to hold a grudge)''. Though all of the traitor legions except the Thousand Sons were involved, the Raven Guard holds a special hatred for the former Luna Wolves and Horus, a hatred which has transferred over to [[Abaddon]] and the Black Legion. That said, the Raven Guard go absolutely murderous on any of the Legions who turned on them at Istvaan V.

*'''Grey Knights and the Space Wolves''' - Officially, there really isn't a rivalry at all. Because officially the Grey Knights don't exist. Unofficially, during the First War for Armageddon, Grey Knights were ordered to fire on dozens of civilian ships because there was a fraction of a shadow of smidgen of a chance that they were tainted by Chaos. The Space Wolves decided this was pretty dickish, and protected the civilians. Naturally, the Inquisition made it worse. Then old [[Logan Grimnar|Loggy]] chops a Grey Knight Grand Master's head off and kills four Justicars, the ugly downward spiral of '''''WTF!?'''''s started there. Eventually, an understanding was reached where the remaining civvies weren't murdered but just mindwiped a bit and Inquisitorial ships would never again come to Fenris or the wolves would tear them a new asshole.

*'''Imperial Fists and the Iron Warriors''' - Imagine their rivalry akin to World War I. The Imperial Fists are the Brits who love making defenses, while the Iron Warriors are the Germans who also love making defenses but also love destroying stuff. Also, Perturabo hated Rogal Dorn for being Daddy's golden boy and his constant boasting of the fortifications of the Imperial Palace. Perturabo eventually bested Dorn and the Imperial Fists by making a huge space fortress that Dorn then tried to attack in an effort to bring Perturabo to justice. Inside the fortress was nothing but inwardly-faced gunlines, meaning the entire thing was a trap and wound up cutting down enormous numbers of the Imperial Fists before they could retreat. The Imperial Fists were too fierce for the Iron Warriors to destroy without making the ultimate sacrifice however, proving that they get shit done. Perturabo, naturally, found his plan fucking hilarious.

*'''Thousand Sons and the Space Wolves''' - The Space Wolves despised the Red Sorcerers for their practice of magic, and didn't question a goddamned thing after Horus had intentionally given the Wolves incorrect orders (to destroy the Thousand Sons, as opposed to talking Magnus down). Suffice to say, the Space Wolves caused colossal damage to the Thousand Sons, and in the process, destroyed one of the largest repositories of knowledge in the entire fucking Imperium, including a huge amount of information that would have helped the Imperium better fight off its enemies. Horus' dick move forced the Thousand Sons to eventually turn to Tzeentch just to survive. Though the Wolves' offense devastated the Sons, the Legion would nonetheless resurface to attack the Space Wolves: they led a siege on their homeworld and succeeded in causing considerable damage before being driven off. During this offensive, they managed to destroy a series of laboratories, including one that held an entire generation worth of the Space Wolves' Gene-Seed (as well as the cure for the Wulfen curse), and Magnus himself was responsible for killing the Space Wolves' chapter-master.

*'''White Scars and the Space Wolves''' - Thousand Sons were the biggest bros of the Scars during the Great Crusade, their primarchs were total bros too, so when they figured out that Wolves destroyed Prospero, killed most of the (still totally loyal) Thousand Sons, forced surviving ones into going heretic, and don't even feel any guilt or remorse about it, none were surprised Scars kept a huge grudge against the Space Yiffs. Also during the crusade, the Scars hated being compared to the Wolves because of the apparent link to barbarism. The Wolves themselves also have a thing or two to say about the multiple times Scars hadn't come to help when they could, starting from when they left Wolves alone against entire Alpha Legion fleet.

*'''Iron Hands and the Emperor's Children''' - Prior to the Heresy, Fulgrim and Ferrus Manus were '''extremely''' close friends. Their bond ran so deep that even as Fulgrim declared his intentions of joining the forces of Chaos to Ferrus, asking him to join him in overthrowing the Emperor, Ferrus couldn't open fire on his brother's ship. Naturally, this had some rather nasty effects in the long term, not least of which was Fulgrim decapitating the Gorgon with his own sword. The Iron Hands did not take kindly to this. Also, getting all repressed and logical over the next 10,000 years caused Slaanesh to take breaking them as a challenge.

*'''World Eaters and The Emperor's Children''' - In addition to following rival deities, the Emperor's Children lost huge numbers of troops to the World Eaters at Skalthrax. Really, all you need to know is that [[Kharn]] and a Flamer were involved, and that before this incident, the World Eaters were a much more coordinated force.

**'''World Eaters and World Eaters''' - This event caused the World Eaters to break up into warbands

*'''Emperor's Children and the Iron Warriors''' - Given that Fulgrim tried to sacrifice Peturabo's soul to Slaanesh to fuel his ascension to Daemon Prince...

*'''Dark Angels and FOUL TRAITORS''' - Do ''not'' get between them and a FOUL TRAITOR TO THE IMPERIUM WHO CERTAINLY HAS NO CONNECTION TO THE SONS OF THE LION. It can only end in tears.

*'''Thousand Sons and World Eaters:''' Khorne hates sorcery, and so the World Eaters hate the Sons. Sadly for the World Eaters, they're usually well out of the Sons' league; the Thousand Sons tend to pick conflicts selectively, which means the followers of Khorne have rarely even had the chance to fight them. Also, it doesn't do much to appease Khorne's bloodlust, since there is no blood or skulls to offer, just dust.

*'''Blood Ravens and EVERYONE:''' Apart from Captain Titus of the Ultramarines, almost every Marine Chapter mentioned in having contact with the Blood Ravens have not been on good terms. Most likely due to their rampant kleptomania. This animosity extends beyond the Space Marines, and into the rest of the Imperium as well; Imperial Guard forces hate them for exterminating the Kronus Liberators, and the Inquisition doesn't like them for their secrecy.

*'''Blood Angels and the Emperor's Children''' - [[Fabius Bile]] stole the blood of Sanguinius from the Blood Angels' Fortress-Monastery as part of a plot to make a clone of the God-Emperor. As the neophyte initiation process for the Blood Angels requires the consumption of some of the aforementioned blood, the Blood Angels and all their Successor Chapters have sworn to find and kill Bile at all costs. (For a while, it looked like they succeeded- that is, until they found out that Bile had begun cloning ''himself''.)

*'''Iron Hands and Raven Guard and Salamanders''' - The Iron Hands are still pissy about the whole [[Drop Site Massacre|Isstvan V]] thing. They believe that had the Salamanders and Raven Guard followed their Primarch Ferrus Manus they would have won at the dropsite massacre. Completely overlooking the fact that they were surprised, surrounded, outgunned and outnumbered nearly 3 to 1. They don't like the Raven Guard in particular for their use of stealth and subterfuge, and also for having a pretty much identical color scheme. The Salamanders aren't too keen about the Iron Hands belief of "purging the weak" and usual disregard for civilian casualties and sometimes their own Marines. The Raven Guard and Salamanders never pulled any of this bullshit with each other, though, and remain close allies, if for nothing other than the Hands constantly being dicks to both of them.

*'''Marines Malevolent and Salamanders''' - What happens when the galaxy's greatest assholes meet the galaxy's greatest humanitarian marines? Hilarity that's what. The hate fueled rivalry that was first widely known came during the Third War for Armageddon where a squad of Marines Malevolent used their [[Whirlwind|Whirlwinds]] to fire upon an Ork-occupied camp, when they ''knew'' that the camp contained hundreds of Imperial civilian hostages, mostly women and children. Oh and guess what their response was, something to do with "Meh, we only serve the Emprah only" and "We didn't know there were ''"that"'' many civilians". As you can imagine, this both horrified and royally pissed off the Salamanders, and when these two Chapters met again after the war, Chapter Master Tu'Shan, to put it simply, bitch-slapped the Captain of the Marines Malevolent in front of ''everybody in the city,'' prompting much sniggering and cheering among both Guardsmen and civilians alike. Because of such reaction to complete dickwards, the Salamanders were considered as the '''Heroes of Armageddon''' by popular vote.

==Bros To the End==
As there are several chapters and legions who despise one another, there's a few that get along damned well.

*'''Raven Guard, Salamanders, and Iron Hands''' - True since the great crusade, where these three found they worked extremely well in-concert - The Raven Guard acting as the advance and cutting off critical locations and eliminating command units, the Salamanders in providing the heavy punch to follow this up, and the Iron Hands providing the tide of firepower to support both. That being said, the Iron Hands' relationship with the Raven Guard and the Salamanders has deteriorated since the Horus Heresy; they believe that had their allies not retreated from the Drop Site Massacre, Ferrus Manus would not have been killed and Horus would have been defeated before he could pose a threat to the Imperium. (It doesn't take a genius to realize that this would have just led to the complete annihilation of their Legions in practice.) It's not really clear if the Hands still fight alongside their former best bros in the 41st millennium, but given the whole "feeding a Raven Guard company to psyker orks for lulz" thing, it doesn't seem likely.

*'''Salamanders and Blood Angels''' - Though the Salamanders are friendly with most Chapters anyway, they're particularly tight with the Blood Angels. Both Chapters are some of the few in the Imperium that actually go out of their way for civilians and put them before pride and glory in battle. This became particularly evident during the [[Armageddon|Second War of Armageddon]], when both fought side-by-side against the [[Orks]] and when [[Dante]] publicly honored [[Tu'Shan]] for his bravery during the war and bitch-slapping the Marines Malevolent Captain.

*'''Imperial Fists and Imperial Fists successors''' - Doctrinal differences aside, the sons of Dorn have always been on good terms with each other. Whenever a crisis threatens Terra that is too great for a single chapter, the Imperial Fists and their successors unite to put an end to that threat, such as [[The War of The Beast]], and the [[Age of Apostasy|Second Siege of Terra]] to put [[Goge Vandire]] in his place. Every century, they also come together for an epic swordfighting tournament called the [[Feast of Blades]].

*'''Blood Angels and Imperial Fists''' - Both fought and died in the defense of the Imperial Palace. Broforce = very yes.

*'''Ultramarines and Imperial Fist''' - Similar to the Space Wolves and Dark Angels above, beef about the codex aside, the two chapters have always been on very good terms.

*'''Dark Angels and Dark Angel successors''' - THE DARK ANGELS HAVE NO SUCH RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR SUCCESSOR CHAPTERS. RUMORS THAT DARK ANGEL SUCCESSORS ARE STILL UNDER DIRECT COMMAND FROM THEIR PARENT CHAPTER, EFFECTIVELY STILL MAKING THEM FUNCTION AS A LEGION, ARE OBVIOUSLY LIES AND SLANDER FABRICATED BY THE FOUL HERETICS OF CHAOS, AS SUCH AN ACT WOULD BREAK THE GUIDELINES OF THE CODEX ASTARTES, WHICH LOYAL CHAPTERS WOULD NOT DO.

==Other specializations of Space Marines==
[[File:Sperm Marine.jpg|200px|thumb|right|I'm in ur w0mb, fertulizan yo eggz]]
*[[Terminator]]
*[[Apothecary]]
*[[Techmarine]]
*[[Librarian]]
*[[Scout]]

==GW Linguistic Failure==

The name Adeptus Astartes is usually portrayed as meaning Star Adepts. However [[Just As Planned|Astarte is actually Greek]] for [[Not As Planned|Ishtar, the Mesopotamian goddess of fertility, love, war, sex and sexuality.]] The Emprah [[HERESY|may have been horny and/or romantically interested]] [[Rule 63|in the idea of a badass God-Empress]] and [[What|named his sons to symbolically show this]] using a language that he and [[Ollanius Pius]] [[Derp|are the speakers of]] besides dead people and three of [[Khorne|the]] [[Nurgle|Ruinous]] [[Tzeentch|Powers]], or this is just the Emperor keeping himself sane by engaging in humor he knows only one loyal person will get, which does not include his last [[Malcador the Sigillite|two]] [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Constantin_Valdor friends]. [[Grimdark|No wonder the Emprah doesn't smile much.]]

==See Also==
*[[Beakie]] - When the Spehss mahrens were awesome looking.
*[[Chaplain]] - The spiritual leaders of the space marines.
*[[Female Space Marines]]- Records officially decommissioned and terminated by the [[Inquisition]] on the grounds of [[Heresy]], there is nothing here trust us. E-Commissars will blam you from your monitor when attempting to access said heretical records.
*[[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine]]- The official game of [[Pauldrons]] (despite the fact that the pauldrons in this game are smaller than they should be)
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Space Marines|Tactics/Space Marines]]
*[[Guidelines of the space marines]]
*Despite the considerable amount of hate at the space marines nowadays, [[The World Engine|they can still be awesome.]]
*[[Stormcast Eternals]] (AKA, [[Ground Marines]]), their [[Warhammer: Age of Sigmar]] equivalent.

==External Links==
* [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Space_Marine Lexicanum on Space Marines]
* [http://wackycamper.deviantart.com/art/Space-Marine-Commandments-88741651 The Commandments of the Space Marine]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13nM17TV_sU/ Rap song dedicated to the mighty-ass space marines.]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMzWrDSNN4Y/ Another rap dedicated to the mighty-ass space marines.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Emperor's quote about the Space Marines in a remix done from If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device glory.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shRHZLheEJI What is to be a space marine, in thrash metal version!]

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Warhammer 40k space marines we'll find your mom mother storytellers storytime missing child lost little girl.jpg|Now gather around children as I recount to you the exploits of the Emperor's chosen...
image:steelrain.jpg|Steel Rain in action!
Image:1207335921499.jpg|The Space Wizards of Warpwarts have mastered the art of profecting the power of the warp through small wooden sticks. How they refrain from breaking them is a mystery.
Image:LEGO_SpaceMarines_by_Jerac.jpg|Brick by brick we shall conquer
Image:1228559892410.jpg|The scary thing is that this isn't fan art, seriously, this was an official GW product
Image:Horny Marine.gif|'''Hump the heretic, penetrate the mutant, cum in the alien''' <span style="color:purple">'''Goodness [[Emperor's Children|me]]!''' I didn't know you loyalists had [[FATAL|it]] in you.</span>
File:1294948918986.jpg|Salamander Space Marines training starts at a reasonably young age
Image:1227373581722.gif|Space Marine chicks...do they exist?
Image:Femalemini.jpg|Yes, yes they do.
Image:Primarchs_as_teen_girls.png|<span style="color:#FF55FF;" color="pink">'''[[Rule 63]] Primarchs are the most popular girls at [[HS40K]]'''
File:Gearing up.jpg|A rare glimpse at a Space Marine without his awesome pauldrons on
File:1285382081001.jpg|Apparently, marines '''DO''' in fact have tiny heads
File:Amuricuh.jpg|What historians didn't want you to believe
File:Correction.JPG|Drill Abbots '''hate''' him!
File:Stuffy.jpg|Build a Marine Workshop
File:Pauldronius.png|[[Pauldron]]ius
File:Xenos sighted.jpg
File:Brother Sergeant Aznable.jpg|'''EEECK!'''
File:Yes they can.jpg|[[Skub|A matter of some contention.]]
File:Pingas.png|
File:Pyramidheadspacemarine.jpg|
File:Reasonablemarine.png|Don't fuck with [[Reasonable Marines]]
File:Troll Emperor.jpg
File:SpessM.jpg|Indrick Boreale nearly turned Space Marines into the laughing stock of the entire franchise.
File:Angels of Derp.jpg|Space Marines as depicted during the dark ages of GW art (aka 2nd Edition)
File:False.jpg|Taking a page from their fallen brothers.
File:New Marine.jpg|
File:Armour of Bulk.png|Space Marines and ridiculous suits of armour go hand in hand.
File:BruceAstartes.jpg|Brother Campbell brings a world into Imperial compliance.
</gallery>
</center>

{{Template:Imperium}}
{{Template:Marines-Official}}
{{Template:Marines-Forces}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Space Marines]][[Category:Matt Ward]]

Eliphas The Inheritor

2016-09-08T00:43:13Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:7921:1E21:213E:C7BA: /* Memorable Quotations */

[[File:Eliphas the Inheritor.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Gentlemen, the only competent Chaos Lord <strike> in Dawn of War </strike> ever]]
'''Torquill Eliphas 'the Inheritor'''' (or simply Eliphas) is a Chaos Lord featured in the [[Warhammer 40K]] ''[[Dawn of War]]'' [[/v/|vidya geym]] series. He made his first appearance in ''Dark Crusade'' as the villain protagonist/main villain who [[Dark Apostle|led]] the [[Word Bearers]] legion on Kronus, and surprisingly made a future appearance in ''[[Dawn of War 2]]'' expansion ''Chaos Rising'' as a champion of the [[Black Legion]]. Eliphas is an Ensemble Darkhorse. That means that he's a character who's gained an unexpected level of popularity, as he was intended as a one-shot character. This was due to a number of factors, the most significant being that he was '''badass'''. (He Now has his own book, bitches! So yeah. It's [http://www.blacklibrary.com/all-products/hh-inheritor-ebook.html here], set during the Horus Heresy where he tries to open a portal in Kronus. Yeah, really!)

Eliphas was truly an anomaly. In what would become a [[Lord Bale|series]] [[Crull|of]] [[Firaeveus Carron|incompetent]] [[Chaos Lord]]s, he was actually a legitimately cool character. His was a personality of insane zealotry, berserk bloodthirst, dark charisma, and [[Creed|tactical genius]]. He had excellent voice acting, an excellent aesthetic, and also wondrous gameplay. He was without doubt one of the most deadly hero units in all of Dark Crusade, capable of taking down and destroying utterly Gorgutz 'Ead Unter and the Necron Lord (unless he used that Essence of the Nightbringer ability. seriously, Artifacts allow the Necron lord to handily outclass Eliphas, if only by virtue of the Noobcron lord being untargettable during EoN. [[Skub|Fortunately it doesn't last long, he's easy to kite and his damage is pretty shit compared to Eliphas' anyway]].) Keep in mind that this was the time Dawn of War was gaining more RPG traits. He also was loved for his sinister, cruel quips and dickish manners, consistently putting down his enemies not only on the battlefield, but also with his eloquence. He was also the first to imply the Blood Ravens' possible descent from a Traitor Legion, making him incredibly important to the overarching plot arc of the Blood Ravens.

Despite his apparent death in ''Dawn of War: Dark Crusade'', Eliphas' legions of fans did not go unnoticed, and he was brought back as the main villain in the Chaos--themed expansion to ''Dawn of War II: Chaos Rising''. Here is where some people think it all went a bit down hill.

Eliphas was downgraded here from a mighty Chaos Lord into a mere Chaos Champion, under the command of an equally badass Chaos Lord named Araghast. This new appearance of Eliphas did away with the character's badass helmet and voice. Paul Dobson was replaced with [[Steve Blum]] due to the former also being the voice actor for Gabriel Angelos, [[What|even though the latter is the voice of Cyrus]]. Steve Blum's voice acting was excellent all the same and many consider him equal to Paul or indeed, surpassing him. However, others feel that the voice didn't need to be changed and were disappointed. Some fans felt alienated and when Eliphas was defeated yet again, and decided to look to Araghast himself as Eliphas' successor. Ultimately, Eliphas was less well received in Chaos Rising and a percentage of his fanbase were disillusioned with the character. It was also implied in the end that Eliphas in fact served the [[Abaddon|the most despised Chaos Lord ever to serve the Name of Chaos]]. This evoked [[Skub|the expected response]].

But that changed with Retribution, where Eliphas was given Terminator armour and was made a playable character again. Here, he was once again the single most powerful melee combatant in the game and could now get DAEMON SWORDS. He was also given some of the best writing and truly seemed like the brutal evil warlord he always used to be. Unfortunately, he had to suck up to Abaddon again, but hey. What did you want him to do? Spout out every reason why he's a failure to his face? [[Games Workshop]] would throw a bitchfit.

So yeah, people are generally divided on what to think of Eliphas, but most agree that he's a complete badass. Probably the most iconic character in the game, second only to Angelos.

AND NOW HE'S CANON! It remains to seen whether Inheritor is simply a nod to Eliphas' videogame awesomeness or if this is a sign that he may be promoted to playing a bigger role in the setting (wouldn't be first time that's happened), but we can hope! Turns out he has massive Daddy issues, and wants to burn the Imperium so [[Lorgar]] will finally notice him.

== Dark Crusade ==
[[File:Eliphas up close.jpg|400px|thumbnail|left|Imperial maggots of the Emperor, I will savor their destruction!]]
Eliphas was known to be already present on Kronus during the events of Horus Heresy, where he participated in a battle against the Ultramarines as a young champion (Lord Eliphas, fresh from his victory in Aurelia, recently told the full details of this defeat; it turns out that he was stuck from behind accidentally by a retarded Ultramarine named Cornelius; who was elevated to sergeant for this act. Cornelius, to this day, has never once more been promoted). When the Word Bearers were routed by the Ultrafags, he was damned to the Basilica of Torments and returned to the mortal plane after a thousand years of torment as a mighty and terrible Chaos Lord of the Word Bearers and brought others under his warband.

Later, during the opening phases of the Dark Crusade, Eliphas and the Word Bearers were summoned back to Kronus by a Chaos cult at the Third Temple of Black Succession in the far south of the Deimos Peninsula. This cabal had turned to Chaos in light of their experiences with the recent rise of the Necrons on Kronus, and Eliphas had answered. Using the knowledge gained from The Book of the Epistles of Lorgar, their leader Virgilius planned to bring Eliphas to Kronus. On the eighth night of their visit to the Temple, Virgilius led them to the great chamber at the temple's heart, where he and eight of his cultists were sacrificed on an icon of Chaos. The Warp opened between the points of the eight-pointed star and Eliphas stepped forth, heralding the beginning of the Ninth Inheritance. Thus, presumably, we have an idea on how he got his name. Eliphas' objective is slaughter the other powers on the planet in glorification of Khorne and bring it under his thrall as a daemon world. Throughout the campaign he has the following opportunities to get even closer to the Dark Gods.

He gets even more favour with the Blood God by assraping the Orks and giving the big guy their skulls along with that of [[Crull]]'s. Slaanesh's by busting open Eldar soulstones so that the hermaphroditic freak can have a late night snack, Papa Nurgle's by releasing a Great Unclean One from captivity, and Tzeentch's by pwning all the Motherfucking Necrons. Somehow, he can even get the favour of Abaddon if he fucks up the blood ravens (maybe Abaddon was watching and decide that he has wonderful arms...you know) and the favour of the World Bearers' primarch Lorgar by raping the Tau(because he hates the atheistic weeaboo communists even more than /tg/ and that's saying something).

How much of this he actually accomplished is up to debate, though due to his closeness to Khorne, we can assume he at least retrieved Crull's skull from Gorgutz in a skirmish or something. In the end, however, Eliphas was defeated by Davian Thule and his Blood Magpies and was judged by Daemon Prince into oblivion.

== Chaos Rising ==
As a result of his unexpected popularity, Eliphas returns in Chaos Rising. He fights as a champion for the Black Legion against the Blood Ravens in Aurelia, having been brought back to life by bargaining his way from the Warp and just fighting his way out in other segments. Like a true badass out of hell. He then joins forces with [[Araghast the Pillager]] and serves as his second-in-command. Only to SSSSINNNNDRRRIII his new master when he runs afoul of Force Commander Hair-Gel and his merry band of Hair-atics. Despite this apparent badassery, Eliphas was defeated by the Blood Ravens anyway during their attack on Keep Selanon, despite being the most fucking hard to kill boss in the game aside from Martellus (FFFFFUUUUUU!!!) and Ulkair (MOTHERFUUUU!!!). He shares the horrendous amount of summons with Martellus, replacing havoc squads with bullshit amounts of bloodletters, and is accompanied by doombolt spewers that absolutely rape anything that's not [[Tarkus]]/wearing terminator armor.

He's later seen in the Judgement of Carrion, speaking to a strangely armed Abaddon. Though behind the scenes footage reveals that another Chaos terminator was in fact behind Abaddon serving as his arms. Eliphas swears to Abaddon that we will destroy the Blood Ravens. Depending on whether you think he was trying to set the prologue for the Blood Ravens to destroy themselves in a civil war or simply to outright destroy the sub-sector; Eliphas could arguably have succeeded here or come close to it.

== Retribution ==
[[Image:RetributionEliphas2.jpg|thumb|right|275px|Eliphas back to being his awesome old self again...still needs a helmet though.]]

Eliphas apparently channels the spirit of Araghast's badassness in this expansion. His voice has grown angrier and he seems to exhibit some Blood Knight tendencies. He gets the one liners we all know and love from Dark Crusade back too. He also screams, 'BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!' very often, implying he's gravitating to Khorne (or just the gigantic boner Relic have for Khorne). Yes, it seemed as if Eliphas was finally back to his old self...

Of course, that's before he starts sucking the minuscule cock of Failaddon. Yeah, that's right. Abaddon is in this game. With a VA no less. He sounds like if Araghast has his massive balls torn off, but hey, what did we expect from Failaddon. His only purpose in the game is to whinge at you, and screech about how he wants Kyras dead. And that's because if Kyras sacrifices the Blood Ravens, he'll become a Warmaster of Chaos and a Daemon Prince. Realizing that his own incompetence shall avail him naught against a [[C.S.Goto|Librarian Devotee of Khorne]], he enlists/blackmails Eliphas into his service, who is no doubt unaware of the armlessness. However, many people have chalked up Eliphas' subordination to Abaddon as politeness. After all, we all feel a shred of sympathy for Abaddon. Even 10,000 year old, bloodthirsty humanoid abominations who fanatically worship All-Powerful Gods of Evil and who wield mighty weapons not intended for the hands of noble, right thinking men.

Even so, Eliphas is simply so much fun to play in this expansion. Hell yeah, specc him out as a Champion of Khorne with fully upgraded sweeping doom, spend all remaining points in Nurgle, point and kill. Switch on Sweeping Doom on a horde, hell yeah, everything dies. Additionally, upon becoming a Champion of Khorne, that alone causes him to outdamage both Diomedes and Bluddflag (note that a fully upgraded To Victory does more damage than Sweeping Doom, but is harder to aim across multiple units). Speccing the rest of your points as Nurgle turns Eliphas into an unstoppable rape-machine that makes those two look like simpering pansies. (Note that spending one point on Tzeentch turns your heretics into walking batteries for energy, which means infinite zeal for Kain and the ability to spam infection and accelerate metabolism for Varius, but costs you the awesome power-booster that is the Khornate shrine.) And then, when you get Eliphas a Daemon Sword, well, given the tremendously high damage he'll do with it, and from his auras, and his health leeching, any attempt to face him in combat will be met with said person being torn to bloody shreds in under a second. Let us simply say that; Eliphas is a badass.

He starts out in Typhon hunting Thule, he tracks the old bastard Dreadnaught down and takes him out to some rather badass exchange. Killing Davian Thule is however, the most emotionally crippling thing in the campaign. :( Well that, and not finding a Daemon Sword or a helmet. He goes after Kyras, killing copious amounts of shit and then takes the big-ass Daemon Prince down. Taking some time to make Kyras bow before him first before banishing him to the void. He then ascends to Daemonhood and kills the Inquisitorial forces in Aurelia. After sacrificing the Blood Ravens to Abaddon and the entire sector to Khorne.

Excellent campaign, excellent ending. Especially the implication that once he's done with Kyras, Abaddon is next. See, Eliphas has a <s>bad</s> good habit of SINDRI-ing his superiors. Though, we use the word 'superiors' loosely, given that this Failbaddon the Armless of whom we speak.

He seems to have been nerfed somewhat as of the latest patch, even on easy units can routinely survive sweeping doom, hurt badly but still alive. He no longer has superheavy infantry armor, and can be shot to death in the face of massive dakka. Vehicles and monsters give no fucks about sweeping doom and laugh off non-maul weapons. You can rectify this somewhat by getting the flaming skull and going full Khornate, as a single barrage will shave huge chunks of HP off just about anything, letting you beat it down the rest of the way. Optimally, Kain/Varius should really be pulling anti-tank duty while Neroth and Eliphas roll around in melted enemy infantry.

He's also fairly slow unless you take the Tzeentch path. Which is unfortunate as the Tzeentch path is mostly mobility and debuff powers and you only have ten points to spend unless you get a mod to rectify this. Getting said mod is recommended as it ups the campaign to eleven and lets you try out interesting abilities usually passed up for the more effective builds.

He's still awesome as all hell, but he can't quite match the hilarity of Diomedes's TWO VICTOREH (which covers a big line, albeit not to sweeping doom levels, and sends infantry gibs out of the skybox), a [[Steel Rain|jump pack]], heals per hit ability, and vehicle raping thunder hammer.

[[File:Eliphas the inheritor.png|400px|thumbnail|left|You didn't truly expect to stop the forces of Chaos?]]

== Trivia ==
*He seems to be suffering from a severe case of throat cancer as his voice constantly changes tone.
*His Daemon Prince (treated as a piece of wargear due to how the engine is set up) is a bit of a mixed bag, and under most circumstances you probably don't want it. Daemon Princehood is the worst wargear in the campaign if you're not playing on hard mode, and in most respects is actually a ''downgrade'' in terms of both abilities, offensive and defensive power that will lead to him getting stomped by stuff he could take as a Chaos Lord. He loses his most useful secondary effect (upgraded Chaos Lord Eliphas provides constant morale drain; Daemon Prince Eliphas does not). And his stats are all kinds of wonky between the two phases on different difficulties:
**For Dark Crusade/Soulstorm campaign modes, the player is stupidly OP on easy mode and is at default PvP strength on Hard mode. This is reflected in Eliphas's Chaos Lord form but strangely not his Daemon Prince form. On all difficulties, Daemon Prince Eliphas gets 5000 HP (compared to the normal 2900 in chaos lord form on Hard), morale damage that can instantly break any non-fearless nearby infantry, and he also disrupts massed infantry. All this with damage output effective against everything and daemon armor, some of the highest around. He swings both faster and harder than his mortal form, as well as gaining immunity to morale damage. Just watch out for Nightbringer Necron Lords, who will eat you alive. But on normal and below? Chaos Lord Eliphas does that much damage just by himself and has more than 5000 HP.
*He has equal appearances with Gorgutz, though he is the only evil character to return from the original DoW series and, so far, the recurring villain character in DoW II.
*He's either named after the first man to commit murder and to be executed in the state of New Hampshire, or some French Occultist.
*Ironically considering his origins as an undivided lord, speccing him out as Khorne is the only way to make him effective in the campaign unless you specifically intend to fuck around with the options the other options offer (and they lack the balls-out melee punch of the former). Speccing him out as Khorne makes him more effective a combatant than every other melee campaign hero put together. This is rather fitting, seeing as how Eliphas roars out; 'Blood for the Blood God!" and "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" very often during gameplay. He has been nerfed a bit though while heroes like Diomedes and Bluddflagg got buffed. Be aware that he has lost his superheavy armor type and sweeping doom has been toned down somewhat damage wise.
*Speccing him out as Khorne not only makes him the most damaging unit in the game, it also makes him into the most successful troll in the game aside from that asshole; Kyras. Any unit hitting him will become consumed with RAGE and start hitting each other. Using the Berzerk ability on Eliphas will also cause everyone else to become FUCKANGRY.
* Evidence from Retribution and Dawn of War: Dark Crusade show that Eliphas serves Khorne above all the other Chaos Gods. The proof for this is that, Khorne is the only Chaos God he invokes by name (along with Tzeentch) and generally acts pretty Khornate. He likes fighting and killing more than regular Chaos Lords and gets angry pretty quickly.[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DJCii1NAYw He also invokes Khorne more than the other Chaos Gods.] It is finally proved in Retribution, where he literally screams the infamous 'Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne!' warcry regardless of whichever specialization you give him and generally keeps invoking Khorne at the exclusion of every other God except Slaanesh when killing Eldar, and Nurgle, when he tells their followers to fuck off. And he's not respectful in either instance. He also has this frightening fixation on bleeding his enemies out, as is noticed in the first Chaos mission.
*Spends every Friday night with his friends prank calling Shas'O Kais, unaware that the confused Tau is only getting static. Everybody's phone bill goes up- nobody wins.
*Eliphas can be given a permanent helmet in DoWII Retribution via a very well done and easy to install mod. http://forums.relicnews.com/showthread.php?257214-MOD-Shuma-s-Wargear-room-Advertisement-Retribution-beta-ranked-compatible-mods. You can give me a blowjob later.
* He is definitely <s>Belgian</s> Space Belgian.
* His voiced from Chaos Rising and onwards is provided by Steve Blum, who also voices a certain Transformer called "Starscream". That explains the backstabbing tendencies. Steve only started doing that character ''after'' Chaos Rising though.
* That same man does the voice of Wolverine, also. Eliphas basically sounds like a British Wolverine when he gets angry in Retribution now. This explains Eliphas' newfound heights of [[Khorne|aggression]].

==Memorable Quotations==

*"''Chaos moves at its own pace, alien. Not yours.''" - Eliphas telling off [[Gorgutz]] for complaining about him not killing him fast enough.

*"'''BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!'''" - Eliphas, channeling Araghast's badassness.

*"'''SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!'''" - Because <s>Khorne > Every other Chaos God.</s> [[WAAAGH|overused battlecries]] are overused.

*"''Do not be so quick to make foolish offers, Daemon. Araghast too once thought I would be an asset to his cause. Look to what has become of him.''" - Eliphas being a <s>badass</s> motherfucker.

*"''You wish to honor Lord Nurgle? THEN DO SO FROM THE GRAVE!''" - Eliphas, upon slaughtering a coven of Nurglite guardsmen, also is funny because decomposition joke.

*"''YOU FIGHT FOR NOTHING, YOU ARE NOTHING!''" - Eliphas, upon [[awesome|soloing a Landraider]].

*"''Observe, brothers. Observe how Space Marines choose to die, and how little choice they have in the matter. Come Davian, we have unfinished business!''" - Eliphas, just about to kill Davian Thule, the bastard.

*"''Oh, Davian, He cannot hear you.''" - Eliphas upon killing Davian Thule. The bastard.

*"'''THE ETERNAL WAR ENDS FOR YOU THIS DAY!!'''" - Eliphas, out-Khornate-ing a an <s>Black</s> <s>Alpha</s> Black Legion (<s>what in the fucking eleven circles of hell would make you think that the deranged chaos champion was from the Alpha legion?</s> <s>Perhaps because he bore Alpha Legion colours?</s> (Nonsensical rambling, no legion like that <u>ever existed</u>) Chaos Champion, while Typhon was getting the shit blown out of it. Said Champion died in one hit.

*"'''WHY DOES ANYTHING THINK I CAN BE KILLED!?!'''" - Eliphas, shrugging off bolter fire and in the mood for some rape.

*"''Such inspiring courage! Perhaps we'll mount your corpse on a golden chair and make an idol out of you as well.''" - The quote that solidified Eliphas' popularity amongst the Imperium hating Heretics.

*"''An ambush, we are finished! /sarcasm''" - Eliphas mocks the Blood Raven's unmanly attempts to kill him while also being sarcastic. Oddly enough, most people who hear this line miss the obvious sarcasm. Which can lead you to suspect that most people are monkeys.

*"''Then I won't lie to you brother. You have been lied to enough''." - Eliphas, to Thule.

*"''No coward has ever remained hidden from the Black Legion! I will relish in your soul's eternal suffering!''" - Eliphas expresses his idealized view of the Black Legion whilst calling Kyras' a faggot and calling him out to some FIGHTAN.

*"''CAN YOU WEAKLINGS NOT FIGHT ANY BETTER?!''" - Can YOU scream this to an on-rushing army of Orks after having slaughtered their Warboss? No, you can't.

*"'''These are the Blood Ravens; finest slaves of the Dead Emperor. We owe them ''much'' more than a quick death.'''" - Eliphas, alluding to how he shall rape the Blood Ravens.

*"''Yesss... Come into my home, Taldeer.''" - Eliphas killed the Vindicare Assassin and raped Taldeer. Truth.

*"''The people here have already accepted the Black Testament. So will you.''" - Eliphas is a religious badass. Far moar so than any SPESSH MEHREEN.

*"''Come! See the Faith of my Crusaders, they shall soon cleanse you of your disbelief.''"

*"''Well done! You have come further in this blessed land than I ever thought! Lord Khorne shall drink your blood from the very soil!''"

*"'''IN BATTLE, WE ALL HONOUR KHORNE!!!'''" - Eliphas always did worship Khorne above all the other Gods.

*"''Kill any [[Orks|xenos]] and take what you need. Their pitiful souls will do little to sate the Chaos gods, but '''oh, how they bleed'''.''" Eliphas once again showing his preference for Khorne and busting a sweet rhyme at the same time.

*"''You cannot impede the Black Inheritance.''" - Eliphas, unlike a [[Abaddon|certain other Chaos Lord who's first name is Ezekyle]], has a reason for his title.

*"''No...that cannot be so...''" - Eliphas when responding to the Necron Lord of Kronus telling him of the coming (shit) storm of [[Matt Ward]].

*"''Alien, you come to your death''" - Eliphas to O-Kais, not knowing [[Tau]] having no presence in the warp means that O-Kais thinks it's just static.

*"''Wonder instead how we could have ever trusted one such as him."'' - Eliphas to Thule after Thule says how could the Emperor have ever trusted the Word Bearers, and Eliphas is actually avoiding the question by that comment.

*''"Send my regards to Slaanesh, Eldar!"'' -Eliphas, showing those [[Eldar|pansy fucks]] right to Slaanesh's palace.

*''"Why do you call him “Inheritor”?’ ‘It is how he came by the rank of Chapter Master,’ Yoth replied with a bitter laugh. ‘During the Purge, he slew the previous leader of the Ark of Testimony, and took his place. Lorgar did not elevate him, saying only that he had “inherited” his command. He never earned his place, and we will never let him forget it."'' -A Word Bearer telling the tale of how Eliphas became the Inheritor.

*"''[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Hey Corpse-Emperor, furk you.]]"'' - In a letter to the Emperor, shortly before getting psyhically punched halfway across the galaxy,

{{Template:Chaos-Marines}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Chaos]][[Category:Space Marines]][[Category: Dawn of War]]

Stormtrooper

2016-09-08T00:28:27Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:7921:1E21:213E:C7BA: /* Warhammer 40k */

[[File:Stormtrooper1.jpg|right|300px|thumb|"I smoke Marblo, you smoke cock."]]
Named after the elite World War I German military units who used infiltration tactics to overtake enemy trenches.

Thinking these guys are the same as their [[Star Wars]] equivalents will teach you a quick and decisive lesson in getting your ass kicked.

== Warhammer 40k ==
The elite of the [[Imperial Guard]], and the core of the [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Militarum Tempestus(7E)|Militarum Tempestus]], the Stormtroopers (officially called Tempestus Scions, [[Skub|but who cares about that]]) are the best general-combat infantry that the Imperial Guard can field, and are the toughest, best-equipped, and best-trained soldiers available to an Imperial commander that isn't a [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHREEN]]. <s>They're one of only three infiltrators the Guard gets, and one of only two deep strikers (other being [[Sly Marbo|Guardsman Marbo]])</s> Sorry, along with the name 'Stormtrooper', infiltration is gone for them. While most of the Guard is armed with your typical [[Lasgun|angry flashlight]] and Flak Armor or Flak Vest, Stormtroopers normally pack Hotshot [[Lasgun]]s, which fire much more penetrating shots that are capable of piercing most infantry armor with ease, and they are clad in Carapace Armor, which gives them substantially higher survivability on the battlefield.

In earlier editions of the game, they were favored as "Light Marines," since they had fairly similar performance to Space Marines but cost considerably less due to their weaker gear. As of the new edition, they're now a dedicated elite choice, with all the pros and cons that implies. Unless you use their new codex, of course. Then they become troops.

There are many different types of stormtroopers, all depending on their homeworld. [[Cadia]] for example fields Kasrkin, Armageddon fields Steel Legion Stormtroopers, Death Korps field Grenadiers, and the [[Harakoni Warhawks]] are made up of only stormtroopers. The Inquisition also fields their own branch called the "Inquisitorial Stormtroopers", who form the Inquisition's main offensive force. Regardless of their appearance or gear, they're all incredibly potent if used correctly.

With the exception of the Kasrkin (and proably Death Korps Grenadiers, since dead men don't care for glory), who are revered and respected amongst Cadia, the average Guardsman in the street can't stand them, referring to them as "glory boys" and resenting the fact that they're a good deal less likely to die given that they're given better equipment than standard issue cardboard armor with a flashlight. This is likely due to the fact that Kasrkin are way more badass (not to mention the fact that they are looked up to by the average Guardsman). And unlike most stormtroopers, who are raised and trained in the prestigious [[Schola Progenium]], Kasrkin are all trained right on Cadia and experience the same hellish conditions as everyone else. They also strongly believe that THIS WILL BE DA DAY UF GLOREE.

===In [[Dawn of War]]===
Kasrkin (The stormtroopers of Cadia) are available for the Imperial Guard starting in Winter Assault, and they're one of the better choices the Guard has. They suffer the same problem that almost every unit in Winter Assault has, however, in that they're redundant - they utterly replace Guardsmen by Tier 3 in that game, and in every game of WA that makes it that far, your sole mission objective from then on is to spam Kasrkin endlessly.

In the later games - Dark Crusade and Soulstorm - their numbers were hardcapped, ergo ensuring that you can only use one squad at a time. Also added in as a main unit in the Inquisition Daemonhunt mod/Ultimate Apocalypse.

Also made hidiously OP after Dark Crusade's infamous moving debuff, as their ridiculous rate of fire meant that even with 15% hit chance they were still going to get a decent DPS

===In Dawn of War 2===
Stormtroopers are DoW 2's equivalent of DOW's Kasrkin, they appear in all games but only become widely playable during Retribution, where the Guard becomes a playable faction. You only fight alongside them in the original DoW 2 and you get to control two squads of them on one mission during Chaos Rising. They use Hot-Shot lasguns with armor-piercing effects. Stormtroopers can be upgraded with multiple "kits" that lets them be more effective to different targets and fit certain circumstances.

The kits are:
* Assault kit, which increases their damage output and range and reload speed, but now actually costs something and makes them take more damage as well. Usually passed up in favour of melta, but still useful for dealing with some elite infantry and commanders.
* Anti-tank kit, which easily makes them the best hunter-killer unit the Imperial Guard have available in the game. Their melta guns and melta bombs allow them to wreck vehicles, fuck up enemy power supplies, and to a lesser extent, tear up enemy commanders and superheavies.

Unlike their original appearance in DoW, stormtroopers this time round actually have a role other than being guardsman squad 2.0. Their weapon options and ability to infiltrate make them ideal for removing high priority targets like enemy vehicles, elite units, or commanders. They can also be used to disrupt power supplies and decap points. Although stormtroopers are a bit tougher and have more [[dakka]] than regular guardsmen, their unit size is much smaller (compare 5 troopers to an infantry squad's maximum of 12) and they fare even worse in melee. With the addition of a sergeant and [[commissar]], guardsman infantry squads can reinforce three troopers at a time for a fraction of the cost of a stormtrooper, which makes them a whole lot more resilient in the field when combined with a reinforcement point such as a [[Chimera]].

===On Tabletop===
Stormtroopers are difficult to classify in tabletop. Many players eschew them, since the Imperial Guard can field cheaper Infiltrators with carapace armor (and better range as part of the bargain) via Veteran Squads, and Veterans have Objective Secured as part of the bargain (but so can Scions in their own codex). On the other hand, Stormtroopers Deep Strike <STRIKE> or infiltrate by default</STRIKE>, come with AP3 weapons (which means they are the bane of not only marines, but other infantry armies, such as [[Dark Eldar]], [[Eldar]], and especially [[Tyranids]] (as if the bugs needed even more ass kicking). However, Veterans are a heck of a lot cheaper and are generally more flexible given that they can either take carapace armour, or for even cheaper (heh heh), get stealth and those mine things that stop the enemy getting +1 attack on the charge.
TL:DR The only differences between Storm Troopers and Veterans is that Veterans can choose between 3 squad upgrades and have longer range (but no ap) and the Scions get deep strike and AP3 lasguns with a 4+ save standard.
A Stormtrooper Squad used to come with one of the following rules:<br />
Deep Strike<br />
Move Through Cover

With the new codex, [[Derp|they just get]] [[Awesome|deep striking and move through cover]]. While this is <STRIKE>considerably less customisable</STRIKE> awesome, it does tie in better with the new "army of faceless, identical elite soldiers who all obey orders perfectly" vibe GW pushed through with their new cdex.

Where Stormtroopers come into their own, however, is as surgical strike units. Suffice to say, Stormtroopers are amazing units when used for target elimination - nobody likes taking AP3 fire from anything(except, you know, [[MEQ|TEQ]]) they also provide easy deep-striking meltas that the [[Imperial Guard]] lacks, and are a comparatively mobile and deadly force, who have average to good basic guns and lots of cheap special weapons. Stormtroopers can take an attached transport in the form of a [[Chimera]] or a [[Taurox|Taurox Prime]], to make them even more mobile after they deep strike.

They can also be taken as a stand-alone army thanks to their new Codex:Militarum Tempestus, giving an effective and killy surgical strike to any other army. Tactics and review can be found [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Militarum Tempestus(7E)|here]]. This codex effectively makes Inquisitoral stormtroopers viable again - it can ally with Inquisition as Battle-Brothers. That alone makes it awesome and full of win - even if it is extremely small and doesn't include anything special except dedicated orders.

A common joke amongst /tg/ is that in order to win, you must spam '''MOAR STORMTROOPERS'''.

{{Template:Imperial-Guard}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]]

Nazi

2016-09-07T23:49:52Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:7921:1E21:213E:C7BA: /* Small Arms */

{{cleanup}}

''"I have in this War a burning private grudge—which would probably make me a better soldier at 49 than I was at 22: against that ruddy little ignoramus Adolf Hitler (for the odd thing about demonic inspiration and impetus is that it in no way enhances the purely intellectual stature: it chiefly affects the mere will). Ruining, perverting, misapplying, and making for ever accursed, that noble northern spirit, a supreme contribution to Europe, which I have ever loved, and tried to present in its true light."''
-[[J.R.R. Tolkien]]

''"[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHFtbSZ3KRE YOU UTTER FOOL! GERMAN SCIENCE IS THE FINEST IN ZE WORLD!!!]"''
-Stroheim, an over the top Nazi and the first Guile.

Important note: although the armed forces of Germany during World War II are commonly referred to as Nazis, "Nazi" only refers to the political party. The regular German armed forces were the ''Wehrmacht'', who were not necessarily Nazis (most likely "paper Nazis," citizens who took party membership solely for the benefits like "not being purged as a dissident"). After the war they were not considered Nazis, unlike the ''Waffen-Schutzstaffel'', or Waffen-SS, which were the actual military arm of the Nazi party and declared an inherently criminal organization, though much like every WW2 party involved, [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_crimes_of_the_Wehrmacht were not complete saints either].

== Historical ==
[[Image:Nazi uniforms.gif|thumb|right|150px|Nazis: Evil, but stylish]]
'''Nazi''' is the commonly used shorthand version of ''Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei'' (National Socialist German Workers' Party {Which is ironic, given that they hated [[communism|communists]]} {really, it's not, in the early years, the party had two wings, the left and the right, but the right under hitler won the internal "Machtkampf"; furthermore, the party membership book had socialist and conservative elements (that's why Nazis are "brown" and not "black" like real conservatives) and it sounded good for workers as well as elites}, a political party which took over Germany <s>for 1,000 years</s> from 1933 to 1945. It also refers to people who belong to said party, their ideology, and their regime in Germany during said period of time. Led by Adolf Hitler, the Nazi Party emerged from the uncertainty and political upheaval due to the Red Scare, the end of the German Empire after the Great War, resentment at unfair conditions imposed by Treaty of Versailles, economic uncertainties due to the Stock Market crash of 1929, German ethnic nationalism, a desire to blame things on scapegoats, and a belief in militarism popular among many returning veteran's. They were also aided by their invention of modern campaigning and propaganda, wide-spread dissatisfaction with the status quo, the strategic seizure of the political positions that controlled the police force, and more dumb luck than anyone has any right to have, let alone a bunch of [[Imperium of Man|evil, racist]] [[Racial Holy War|loons]].

[[Image:Germania.jpg|thumb|left|150px|What the Nazis wanted]]
They soon mobilized their armies and launched a war of expansion. Their goal was to impose their militaristic Social Darwinistic ideology across Europe, outlaw any dissenting school of thought, enslave all the "sub-human" Slavs (after starving to death more than half of them in accordance to Generalplan Ost) and exterminate any "undesirables" (Jews, Roma, homosexuals, etc) on which they blamed all their problems because they felt that they were superhumans without any flaws; any problem which they suffered had to be the fault of some subversive "other" from outside who tried to cause the Master Race misery for no other reason than "the Evulz." But due to some tactical fuckups from Hitler and German command, Germany ended up with a three-way war with the British, the Soviets, and the United States, and their major allies like Italy caved at the ending years of the war. In the end, while Germany had the advantage in technology, it had no hope of repulsing both the Allies and the Soviets at the same time on their own, and thus, the Nazi regime finally met her end when the Soviets marched into Berlin, indeed, while their hate-wagon managed to go far and nearly overrun Europe they eventually got simply too many enemies to fight against, as most nations decided to oppose them either because they cherished their political freedoms, saw their economic markets negatively affected, or simply were in the Nazi "to-exterminate" list.

It is actually a known fact that through their actions the nazis did manage to kill more white people (for non-whites there is basically no difference between a white english, german, russian or french other than their funny accents) in mankind history than any "anti-aryan" enemy they could blame at, in fact, the war they started is one of the main reasons the european white population has been in decline during the last 60 years.
[[Image:Reichstag flag.jpg|thumb|right|150px|What the Nazis got]]

==Nazi Portrayal==
Nazis are portrayed as people who used vile actions towards an idealistic end (To his credit, Hitler did envision for Germany to be the greatest nation ever. Its just that his plan to attain this was the moral equivalent of driving a bus through a busy sidewalk filled with women and children). But (and this is important) rather than just being an alien other, they represented the worst qualities of industrial Western civilization inflated and turned inward against bits of Western civilization. To modern western civilization, the Nazis have the role of the great foe. The great evil that wrought death and misery on Europe which needed to be stopped by all means possible. Their known track record of starting WW2, carving a bloody swath through Europe, and their infamous ethnic genocide and enslavement campaigns against undesirables have painted them as the most evil villain that the world has ever seen.

Now, this is just the popular opinion that is accepted; you will hear plenty of other viewpoints of the Nazis from other groups. Some will say their portrayal is riddled with the allied propaganda excessively demonizing them. Some will say that while the Nazis did give Europe a good stomping, the other participants were just as, if not more evil than the Nazis and that they're just being used as the poster boy (these people often say the [[Communism|Soviets]] had a worse track record than the Nazis in terms of people murdered by the state, or the Americans who nuked not one, but two Japanese cities.), and some people on the /pol/ side of the spectrum will say that Germany did the right thing and their enemies was actually the evil ones (remember, this is /pol/ we're talking). All in all, discussions that relate to the portrayal of Nazi Germany are bound to [[skub|generate heated debates]] due to numerous factors.

In relation to fantasy, however, varying opinions on the perceived Nazi character allows them to be looked at from varying points of view, developing their character all the more. Take the [[Imperium of Man]], for example. Some will say that the Imperium's a nutcase since they're willing to allow an Inquisitor to turn an entire hive spire into a towering inferno if he so happens to find a single heretic in a spire where millions of people reside in, on the grounds of "Hey, this guy is worshiping chaos. Those people might as well be worshiping chaos too and this might lead to the entire world rebelling. BURN EVERYONE". Some will say that the Imperium's just being pragmatic and such an action is justifiable as the Imperium is constantly beset by merciless foes who will not think twice to bring them down, as such their method for survival is cruel, but necessary. Which, given the fact that daemons really do exist and can corrupt entire planets in a short amount of time, is pretty justifiable. Even the Imperium's xenophobia is justifiable given how nearly [[Orks|all]] the [[Necrons|major]] [[Tyranids|races]] pretty much want to wipe everyone else out, [[Dark Eldar|or else]] enslave them. But that doesn't change the fact that these reasons are often just used as an excuse to torture and kill anyone who's even slightly unorthodox, either out of paranoia or because it amuses them.

==Impact on fantasy==
Militarily the Germans had, hands down the best army of the time, well disciplined and well trained with experienced mid-level officers, this combined with borderline insane levels of more at the start of the war turned the German into an [[chaos|unholy]] Juggernaut. The Germans were known to have some of the best armored tanks in the war, their small arms far outstripped the guns Europe had at the time, and were pioneers to many advanced technologies during their time that have become well known today, like jet engines, cruise missile systems, fully automatic rifles, stealth craft, and many others.

This, combined with their infamous cruelty, have spawned the Nazi-esque villain template where the villains are both powerful and [[Eldrad|gigantic dicks]] to everyone else, making them completely despicable. This is because if the villain is significantly weaker than the protagonist of the setting, most people will still feel a few grains of sympathy towards the former or make them a laughing stock. But, when you make the villain both an enormous asshole and just as or more powerful than the protagonist, all bets are off and he's fair game.

Of course, the weaknesses of Nazism also need to be taken into account, in that a lot of their supposedly superior technology turned out to be highly unstable and would frequently be outclassed by Allied designs once the latter got their shit together. Add poorly managed industry and the fact that supplies at times were delivered by horse, and you have a faction that is the epitome of style over substance. This really bit them in the ass later when the Allies, focusing on production and strategy over science fiction and tactics, managed to leg up the third reich and battle hardened allies soldiers became the top dogs without question. In fiction, expect the Nazi villains to have eventually have their technology outclassed or at least made irrelevant and the hardened heroes turn Nazi soldiers into cannon fodder.

On the political side of things, the batshit insane racial policies of the Nazis will be explored in fiction as being founded as junk science, or at least hypocritical when the fantasy faction's leaders turn out to not even come close to their own idea of racial purity (seriously, Hitler, Goering, Goebbels and etc. are the anti thesis to any common definition of superman).

Nazis are also the allfather of all acceptable targets where human bad guys are concerned. Be it in vidya games or movies, nobody has a problem with Nazis getting gunned down by the hundreds by the heroes (well, the Nazis might, but screw those guys), and they don't even have to resort to the dehumanizing full helmets that most other villain goons have to wear to make slaughtering them okay.

A more comedic take on Nazis in fiction owes to wartime cartoons, where the soldiers and Nazi command are all bumbling idiots, because only an idiot would seriously consider becoming one. Hitler today has essentially been turned into a punchline with all the gags centered around him, which is kinda awesome when you think about it as dictators that wish to be feared would never want to be remembered as a joke.

===Examples===
*In Star Wars, the forces of the Galactic Empire employ some Naziesque uniforms. Also, many of the weapons used (as they were all older real-world guns with window dressing) were German in origin, namely the StG44 (A295, DLT-20A), C96 (DL-44), and MG34 (DLT-19, DC-15A). They are also noticeably all human (with notable exceptions like Thrawn) in a series with a diverse list of aliens.
*In Dr.Who, the Daleks are defined for their fanatical hatred of anything that is not a Dalek.
*In Warhammer 40,000, the Imperium of Man will often draw from Nazi Germany either indirectly (hatred, bigotry, willingness to use torture, repression, and terror to their ends) to overt (The Death Korps of Krieg). Though given their love for trench warfare, the Death Korps are closer to the Germans of the First World War rather than the second. The Imperium also draws from Stalinist Russia, the Catholic Church, North Korea, and even Jihadism with the Imperium's martyrdom obsession.
*In anime, there is the Principality of Zeon from ''Mobile Suit Gundam'', which also has elements borrowed from the WWII Empire of Japan.
*The most extensive take on the theme of Space Nazis would be the Helghast from ''Killzone'', where the people of Helgan see the ISA as Imperialist gits who forced them out of their planet for refusing their rule. Although by Shadow Fall, they become akin to Communist East Germans, being filled with political radicals and separated by a wall and all.
*The aptly named "Fourth Reich" from the Metro series, who, ironically being Russian and there fore the very race the Nazis hated, still hold fast to their National Socialist ideology, however they speak little German outside of common movie lines. At constant war with the Red Line. Thinks that Slavs are the superior race and all others must be destroyed. Their racial policies also extended to "mutant" humans infected with radiation.
*If you have a fantasy/sci-fi world, it will almost certainly have some sort of Nazi analogue floating around. At the same time, Nazis also figure into a lot of alternate history fiction; Nazis invading England, Nazis invading America, Nazis successfully conquering the USSR, Nazis getting the Bomb first, Nazis creating an army of mutant uber-troopers, Nazis on the Moon, Nazis using occult powers to summon demons to aid them, all of these have been done. The Nazi obsession in alternate history is largely due to the fact that we consider them (for right reasons) evil and our modern world is the result of an Allied victory. A Nazi victory to us is just unthinkable. Hell, this page itself is pretty long.
*Nazi ideologues may even show up in children's shows if one pays close attention (not counting war time cartoons).
**The Fire Nation from Avatar: The Last Airbender considers the element of fire to be superior to the other three (water, earth, and air) and wages a war of expansion and genocide against the other three nations, succeeding with a genocide against the air nomads.
**The Gem Empire in Steven Universe hates organic life and constantly exploit planet resources to create more gems (Lebensraum). They also have a strict hierarchy and devotion to their fascist leaders, the Great Diamond Authority, and have a weird salute.

== Trademarks ==
[[TSR]] had the ™ and © symbols next to the word 'Nazi' where it appeared in their Indiana Jones RPG. This was probably for the sake of the artwork reproduced from the movie, but it's been a source of teasing and flames about TSR trying to claim exclusive ownership of the term 'Nazi.' Same shit happened with Marvel and their WW2 villains, and probably with Fawcett Comics since 'Captain Nazi' was a villain fighting Captain "Shazam" Marvel.

==Nazis and [[/tg/]]==
/tg/ long ago realized something most competent people have: Nazis represent a great liberating force for any GM, for they represent a force that any player need not feel any remorse over resorting to violence against, because Nazis are the textbook template for villains in most settings: they desire world domination, see themselves as the apex species and view most others with utter contempt, wanton disregard for common life, have an industry primarily geared towards war, are the most powerful warmongers than anyone else, and they have that evil yet sublime aesthetic to their armies. Nazis are a modern setting variants of using [[slavery|slavers]] as your enemy in a fantasy game; they have little to no redeeming values, so they're great enemy fodder.

The association gives the players a motivation and to understand that these people are evil, allowing the GM to focus on other aspects of the story. Indeed, one can get similar results by simply providing details that lead us to conclude that any group you are facing off against are this universe's version of Nazis. That said, that same context makes using Nazis a double-edged sword and a lazy GM (or author, script writer, or whatever; this is hardly unique to roleplaying) can royally screw up if one uses them incorrectly. Used incorrectly, Nazis become a kitten-eating one-dimensional caricature of villains descended into self parody, which ''can'' work if the world is built for it. Kitten-eating Nazis work best in "goofy" settings where it's fully possible, and indeed expected for the final boss to be Hitler himself riding a cyborg dinosaur, but in a setting trying to take itself seriously, such flat villains do just that, fall flat and fail to incite the proper emotional reaction. Remember that the '''key''' to successful Nazi use is that emotional reaction. That exportation of real world baggage is the point, perhaps the sole point to use Nazis over some other villain. Nazis have the additional problem of not even needing to be exaggerated that much to make the worst of them into something like this. So care must be taken when one plays the Nazi card or it will come off as trite.

Entire stretches of [[d20 Modern|d20 Past]] are shown various ways to implement, ''Indiana Jones'' style, Nazis into any campaign during the early 1900s, and [[Savage Worlds]] has an entire supplement devoted to thwarting Nazi super-soldier plans during WWII. More clever GMs can do even more interesting things with it, such as backing up the savagery of the Nazis with [[Fist of the North Star|a humanizing element to make them more understandable, even if antagonists]], whilst another interesting setting, proposed for [[GURPS]], starts the players off ''as'' Nazis and has them turn against their former comrades as the movement becomes harder and harder to justify. It's also worth remembering that Nazis can be used for comedy as well; any one here heard of ''Hogan's Heroes''? All of these lead to some pretty great storytelling, just so long as the GM is aware of the real world baggage Nazis will bring to the game and is able to use that to deepen the experience, otherwise he'll have just created orks in fancy uniforms.

...And then you have bullshit like [[Racial Holy War|this nonsense]], which misses the point entirely and renders us all stupider for the knowledge of its existence.

==Nazi Gear==
For reasons above, if you decide want to use Nazis as your bad guys at tonight's game (or protagonists if you roll that way. Just don't use [[Racial Holy War|RaHoWa]] as a basis unless you want to end up with a trainwreck of a game.). Here is a brief run down of basic information on Nazi equipment.

===Small Arms===
* '''''Karabiner 98 kurz'':''' the standard German infantry rifle during WWII from the old Mauser family (the Mauser action was used in dozens of countries and is still in wide use today), 8x57 IS (<strike> 7.92x57mm caliber </strike>, nobody ever uses that). Fairly cheap, very accurate, and reliable, it had a slow rate of fire, a five-round magazine as opposed to the ten-rounder in a British SMLE rifle, and went up the semi-automatic American M1 Garand. Even so, generally quite well regarded for what it was. It was also the go-to weapon for German snipers, who affixed a scope to it.

* '''''Gewehr 43'':''' the German army's semi-automatic rifle. This weapon was developed in response to their invasion of the Soviet Union, where the Germans were shocked to find Soviet troops brandishing semi-automatic rifles (the SVT-40, primarily), drastically out-gunning their troops in firefights. The result was a fairly decent semi-automatic rifle/carbine chambered for the same rounds as the Kar98k. The rifle's magazine was also not built-in in that its detachable (allowing for quick reloads) but still had the option of allowing the shooter to rapidly use stripper-clips when reloading. Much like the Kar98k, it worked well as a marksman/sniper's weapon when affixed with a scope.

* '''''Maschinenpistole 40'':''' The most common German submachinegun through the war used mainly by squad leaders and troops fighting in urban areas. It was also the go-to weapon of specialist units like paratroopers and the SS. Uses a 32-round magazine chambered for 9x19mm rounds and typically comes with a folding wire stock. In general pretty good but only a million of them were produced, compared to the millions of SMGs made by the British, Americans and Soviets. [[Derp|The primary weapon of the Nazis, according to Hollywood at least.]]

* '''''Pistole Parabellum 1908'':''' The Nazis used a bunch of pistols in truth, but none are as iconic of the Third Reich as the P08 Luger with its joint armed breech. It could load an eight-round box magazine or a thirty-two-round drum. The 9x19mm Parabellum cartridge was initially designed for this pistol and is still one of the most common pistol calibers in the world. It was eventually phased out in favor of the P38 as being a standard-issue sidearm due to the Luger being too expensive to manufacture for the entire German army, although the Luger was still available for the troops and officers who could afford it. The Luger was also particularly unique at the time in that it can double as a pistol carbine by affixing a stock and a 32-round drum-magazine to it.

* '''Walther ''Pistole 38'':''' The Walther P38 replaced the Luger P08 as the Wermacht service pistol just before World War II due to it being cheaper to produce. It loaded a 9x19mm eight-round detachable box magazine. Nerds will recognize this as G1 Megatron's alt-mode.

* '''Mauser ''Construktion 96'':''' Popularly known as the "Boxcannon" and "Broomhandle"; it loaded ten rounds from a stripper clip into an internal magazine, although there was also an option for a 20-round magazine and had the added bonus of the entire magazine being detachable instead of being built-into the weapon. The C96 typically loaded either 9x19mm or 7.63x25mm rounds. The C96 was not typically issued to the main German army during WW2; only the Luftwaffe were the known users of the weapon during the war as sidearms for their pilots. It can also be turned into a carbine by affixing a stock to the weapon that could double as a holster, although this was not a particularly widespread modification. Nerds will recognize this as Han Solo's DL-44 blaster pistol from the original ''Star Wars'' trilogy, with some gubbins glued to it to make it more sci-fi.

* '''Walther Polizeipistole/Polizeipistole Kurz''': The gun made popular by James Bond and even more popular by the Gestapo; the Walther PP is a compact pistol typically issued to German police units and military officers. The PPK variant was an even smaller version of the PP, designed for concealed carry in mind (infact it was so small that it can typically fit into the sleeves of most longcoats, making it useful for infiltrators). It was either chambered for 9x19mm or 9x17mm rounds.

* '''''Sturmgewehr 44'':''' The "Storm rifle 44" was the first assault rifle. Chambered for the new 7.92x33mm cartridge, it gave a rifleman the power and accuracy of a rifle with the rate of fire of a submachinegun. As its name suggests, it entered the war very late. This combined with the fact that they were expensive to make limited the scale to which they were produced. It also had mechanical issues including fragility of the feed mechanism, which could be jammed if the rifle was knocked over. Even so the troops who got them loved them. One of its attachments was the ''Krummlauf'', a curved barrel and periscope for firing around corners. Yes, it worked, but the bullets shattered, causing a shotgun-like spread, and the barrels wore out quickly.

* '''''Maschinengewehr 42'':''' German military doctrine during WWII was built around the machine gun and as such, the Germans developed an exceptional machine gun in the MG 42 (basically an improved but functionally identical version of the earlier MG 34). It was lightweight at 11.7 kg, was belt fed unlike the magazine fed LMGs it usually went against, and it could fire 1,200 rounds per minute while most other machine guns could barely reach 600. That much dakka causes a lot of heat, so the gun was designed for easy swapping of barrels. Its terrifying rate of fire and distinctive report earned it the nickname "Hitler's Buzzsaw." The MG 42 was the basis for numerous other weapons throughout the Cold War (and is still used in NATO-forces today as MG3, they only changed to NATO-standard-caliber and reduced the firing rate to "real" 1200 rounds per minute, as opposed to the 1500 rpm of the original MG42).

*'''''Fallschirmjägergewehr 42'':''' A battle rifle made in limited numbers for German paratroopers. Realizing that the K98k was too long for paratroopers, and the MP40 wasn't suitable outside of urban combat, the FG 42 was designed as a shorter, automatic battle rifle to give paratroops superior firepower, using a side-loading box magazine. While it never really took off, it was notable for influencing the design of the M60 machinegun (along with the MG 42).

* '''''Panzerfaust'':''' ("Armor fist"; literal translation, more like "tank fist") A disposable one-shot anti-armor weapon for use against tanks and entrenched positions. Really cheap to produce, easy to use, lightweight, and able to do a lot of damage to tanks at close range (at most within 150 meters). The basic idea of how they were used was you gave one guy in every squad or so one of them so if a tank got close to them there was a chance might be able to take it out or do some damage, which among other things made allied generals wary about sending tanks out to clear out German infantry forces. That said, Panzerfausts were useless for trying to snipe at tanks from a distance (with an effective range of only 150m, this was about the same range most SMGs only could remain accurate for) and could not be reloaded with another rocket, preventing most troops from carrying more than one shot on their person. In the last days of the war the Nazis gave these to grannies and kids on the off chance they could destroy an allied tank or when they rolled into town. Looked like a fist in a tube, hence the name. Its general design was later copied by the Russians, eventually used in the RPG-2 and RPG-7 rocket launchers.

* '''''Panzerschreck'':''' ("Armor terror"; again, more like "tank fright") A reusable anti-tank rocket launcher based off captured American bazookas, and you can almost imgaine the Nazi scientist getting one and saying "[[Ork|Bigga is Betta!]]." It was larger than the Bazooka with a 88mm muzzle size, while the bazooka was only 60mm. Like the Bazooka, but unlike the panzerfaust, it could be reloaded and had a longer range then the Faust. It has a distinctive steel blast shield in front, this has to do with the larger rocket blowing hot exhaust into the users face and early models without the shield required the operator to wear a gasmask and protective poncho. The Panzershreck was more useful as an offensive weapon used by dedicated tank hunters and were capable of easily penetrating the armor of any tank they faced (hence the bigger caliber).

*'''''Captured Weapons''''': Due to necessity and practicality, German troops also commonly used enemy equipment from all sides, predominantly Soviet weapons due to their invasion of Russia. To ease supply concerns, some weapons were converted to use their own ammunition like the ''PPSh-41 sub-machinegun'', which was converted from 7.62x25mm to 9x19mm, while some had ammunition made for them in factories.

===Vehicles===
====Tanks====
German tanks were in general well designed (but in hindsight were over engineered and prone to breakdowns) , however their true selling point was not the tanks themselves, but instead the crew members manning them and the radios installed in every tank. This along with late war designs occasionally gave German tanks an edge over Allied tanks until production problems and stability issues quickly botched things up.
German tanks are called "''Panzer''", which when directly translated means "''armor''" and more specifically is the short version of "''Panzerkampfwagen''" (Armored Fighting Vehicle). The name is often shortened to just to "PzKpfw".
* '''Panzer I:''' Designed and produced in defiance of the Treaty of Versailles, the ''Panzerkampfwagen I'' was the first Nazi tank. It was small, weighing only 5.4 tonnes, and was armed only with two MG-13 machine guns. Some 1,493 were made and were most notable in that they allowed tank crews to be trained and (after being sent to Spain) let tank doctrine be developed that allowed the Nazis to take over Poland. They saw some use at the beginning of WWII, but were pretty soon deemed to be out of date even on scouting missions. Until they were deemed totally obsolete, they were continuously upgraded and specialized, and had several variants including a potential recon paratrooper-tank. Primary Nazi tank of the Condor legion in the Spanish Civil War [[File:Panzer I.PNG|thumb|right|300px|Mein Herr! Can't ve get somezing better zan zis Panzer I?]]
* '''Panzer II:''' The ''Panzerkampfwagen II'' was designed with the experience of the Spanish Civil War. Heavier than the Panzer I at 8.9 tonnes, it was designed as a stopgap, as the Panzer III and IV were experiencing delays in production. It was armed with a dinky little 20mm cannon little better than an anti-tank rifle. Common during the early war, it was made obsolete by the arrival of the Panzer III and IV, and relegated to reconnaissance duties, training, or conversion into open-topped tank destroyers. Much like it's younger brother, it too was pushed through several variants, however instead of trying to upgrade it for main-line action, it was turned into a better scout tank so the Panzer III could take over the main-line role. Primary Nazi tank for the invasion of Poland and France.
* '''Panzer III:''' One of the two main German tanks of the war, the ''Panzerkampfwagen III'' was when Germany was really getting the hang of this whole tank design thing. Introduced in 1939, it weighed 23 tonnes, carried a 37mm anti tank gun, and notably had a turret big enough for three guys. The Panzer III was intended to engage enemy tanks. In Poland, France, and North Africa it did well, even though some French vehicles outgunned them. Against Soviet T-34s it was completely insufficient, even when upgraded to a 50mm gun. Thankfully unlike the French and Russians the Panzer III were all armed with radios allowing them to out-maneuver the un-radioed yet better tanks. Production stopped in 1942, but since they had built 5,774 of them, they stayed in service until the end of the war. The chassis was used to produce the StuG assault cannon (but "Geschütz" is hard to translate to english, it's neither a mere gun, nor a cannon, it's more of a "modern artillery cannon" you would depict like the basilisk or similar) which would be the most widely produced German vehicle of the war. Primary Nazi tank for the invasion of Soviet Union.
* '''Panzer IV:''' The most common German made tank, with nearly 9,000 units being made, The ''Panzerkampfwagen IV'' was the Panzer III's big brother. The Panzer IV was originally intended to be used against infantry and was armed with a low velocity 75mm gun for blowing stuff up. After the invasion of Russia they switched to a 50mm anti tank gun and latter a 75mm cannon. After that upgrade it was in general on par with the T-34 and M4 Sherman in most regards, they had a less powerful engine, but better optics. Unlike Soviet tanks, every Panzer IV had at least a radio receiver. It's chassis became the foundation of many of German vehicles of all classifications. Primary Nazi tank from 1942 to the end of the war in 1945.
* '''Tiger:''' Soon after invading Russia, the generals in charge of the Eastern Front sent requests for a tank that could match the T-34. The Nazi top brass took this as a challenge to create the ultimate tanks, and the result of said project were "the Big Cats". The first of these was the Panzerkampfwagen VI Tiger heavy tank, which entered service in 1942. The nazis had been toying about with the idea of a heavy tank on the backburner before being pushed forward after Barbarossa. Heavy defintely described the Tiger: it weighed 54 tonnes, had a 690 hp engine, had up to 120mm of armor, and was armed with a massive 88mm cannon that could take out enemy tanks two kilometers away. Despite this, the Tiger was over-engineered mechanically and somewhat under-designed chassis-wise. It was expensive and labor intensive to build, had reliability issues, and was difficult to support and repair, on top of being slow. The Tiger chassis was essentially a [[Metal Boxes|metal box]], and the design took no advantage from sloping armor, which made the Tiger heavier and slower than it could have been (for the same armor effectiveness). Only 1,347 Tigers were built, and every last one of them made opposing tank crews want to be nowhere near these death machines (Often when attacked by an unseen foe, the crews would often think they are under attack by a Tiger, even if it might have been just a well hidden PAK-40 AT-gun.). In one instance a single Tiger destroyed most of the 22nd Armoured Brigade and forced them to retreat (Battle of Villers-Bocage). The Tiger is without a doubt the most famous (and overrated due to the problems listed above) tank of WWII, known even to those illiterates who think only America fought WWII with Germany, and if most video games are to be believed, every Nazi tank was a Tiger. The Tiger and panther tanks, like a used car, came with a owners manual, the Tigerfibel and Heinz Guderian, one of Germanys, (Empire,Republic, Nazi, Western) best tank commanders wanted every tank crew to read the manual. But, it was known even then just how many guys actually read the instruction manual for anything. So, it was written as an fun book to read with humor, naked girls, poetry and naked girls along side the information about how to use the most dangerous heavy tanks to be used in world war 2.
* '''Panther:''' The Panther was introduced in 1943 and is often argued, along with the T-34, to be the the best tank of the war. It copied many features of the T-34 and improved on them. It was listed as a "medium tank," despite weighing in at 44.8 tonnes. Its 75mm/L70 gun was one of the most powerful tank guns of the war and could destroy any Allied tank. Its frontal armor was more effective than that of the Tiger's. A swift and hard as nails death machine, when it was in working order. The Panther was rushed into service and had even more mechanical problems than the Tiger did due to its rushed design. The Panther was only about 20% more expensive to produce than the Panzer IV and the Germans managed to produce 6,000 of them, though switching over did cost them in terms of other production due to retooling. Along with the Tigers, this was enough to get the Americans and British to make the Sherman Firefly and the Soviets to make up-armored and up-gunned T-34-85s. Along with the aforementioned US and Soviet tanks, the Panther eventually became the inspiration for the post-war main battle tank concept. An upgraded Panther II was planned, but never entered production. [[File:Panther_Tank.jpg|thumb|left|300px|Zis vill do nicely! Danke!....Gott im Himmel, zat's a lot of Shermans!]]
* '''Tiger II:''' The Tiger II, or King Tiger (from an incorrect translation of ''Königstiger'' meaning "Bengal Tiger", but which literally translates to "Royal Tiger"), was the ultimate German Tank introduced in 1944 as a successor to the Tiger. It weighed 68.5 tonnes (more than most modern tanks) and had 180mm frontal armor, which was even sloped (a huge step forward from the boxy Tiger I)! Even so, only 492 of them rolled off the assembly line before the war ended. These tanks were considered to be just as temperamental as the Tiger I, but for different reasons. The designers learned how to fix some of the problems with the Tiger I, and promptly over-built the Tiger II even more after patching the holes, because they thought they had wiggle room or something.
*'''Anything they could steal:''' From French [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Char_B1#Operational_history B1 heavy tanks] to Soviet [http://www.achtungpanzer.com/panzerkampfwagen-t-34r-soviet-t-34-in-german-service.htm T-34's] to American [http://beutepanzer.ru/Beutepanzer/us/M4_sherman/m4-75-sherman-01.htm Shermans], the Nazi used every thing they could get their hands on like Orks in clean uniforms. This became so chronic that the British had a strong rule in place that said any tank which could not be repaired or salvaged was to be destroyed, so the Germans wouldn't pinch it.
**'''Panzer 38T:''' the most famous tank the Nazi stole was the PZ 38T. A light tank, the 38t was a Czech design Germany acquired when they took over the Sudetenland and then the rest of Czechoslovakia. The design was rendered obsolete by 1942 and the chassis was instead used to produce Marder 2 and Hetzer tank destroyers. A version of the 38(t), called the Stridsvagn m/41, was also used by Sweden.

====Tank Destroyers/Assault Guns====
Between the First and Second World Wars, various nations were still messing around with what was a good design for armored vehicles. This is the same time that gave us the British infantry and cavalry tank concept. In response to the super heavy British infantry tanks of the time, the Germans were quick to invent and use an armored doctrine they called ''Panzerjäger'' (tank hunters). The concept was to stick a huge gun, too big to put in a proper turret with current technology, onto a vehicle with fixed casement and open top to move the heavy gun around easily. Think like the [[Basilisk]], only built for direct fire. Later in the war, Germany discarded the lighter Panzerjäger tank destroyers and instead designed big heavy tank destroyers, with thick armor and guns big enough to make an ork blush with envy, called "''Jagdpanzer''" (hunter-tank). Panzerjäger of both types had the advantage of being cheaper and simpler to make than turreted tanks and having lower silhouettes, allowing for easier ambushes, plus it was easy to convert an otherwise out of date, under-gunned tank into a destroyer. The disadvantage was, of course, they had no turrets, so they could be outflanked and had no way to point their guns at any targets that did not drive in front of them.
*'''Panzerjäger I'''
*'''Marder:''' The Marder 1, 2, and 3 were all very similar tank destroyers, hence why they share a listing. The Marder 1 is based on the chassis of the French Lorraine 37L tractor, the Marder 2 is based off the Panzer II chassis, and the Marder III is based of off the Panzer 38(t) (the "T" means it was Czech in origin, not that it weighed 38 tons). All three were open topped and armed with either 7.5 cm cannons or converted Russian 76 mm cannons they stole early in their invasion of Russia. At the start of Operation Barbarossa, German tanks were again, under-gunned and -armed compared to their enemy's, especially when compared to the T-34, which one German field marshal quipped was the best tank in the world in 1941. But like the battle for France, the Germans had more radios and were able to make massive advances anyway. Still, a better anti-tank weapon was needed, so the Marders were created and were armed with 7.5 cm weapons, but there were never enough of them so they used Russian guns.
*'''Hetzer'''
*'''Nashorn'''
*'''StuG III & IV''': by far the most widely produce German vehicle of the second world war, the Stug was easily one of the most versatile combat platforms fielded in the war. StuG's, or "''Sturmgeschütz''" or "''assault artillery''", were built to combat a problem Germany learned from the first world war: that Infantry lacked the ability to take on fortifcations, and the Artilery was too slow to keep up to allow direct fire on these targets. The StuG was the solution: by mounting a 7.5 cm <strike> howitzer </strike> [https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sturmgesch%C3%BCtz_III gun] in a fixed casement on a Panzer III chassis, they allowed the vehicle to roll up with the infantry and blow fortifications in the way to rubble. Of course during the invasion of the Sovet Union the Germans ran into tanks much better then there existing vehicles, namely KV-1s and T-34. In order to quickly counter these threats, the StuG was "up-gunned" (quotes marks are there because the guns caliber did not change), to mount a High Velocity 7.5 cm anti tank gun. In 1943 the StuG chassis was switched from a Panzer III's to a Panzer IV's, otherwise no changes were made. StuG's, despite looking like and being compared to tanks, were not considered tanks and were crewed by artillery men. StuG's are estimated to have destroyed 20,000 enemy tanks in the coarse of the war, impressive when you consider that just over 10,000 were made, and not all of those were armed with actual anti tank weapons. After the war the Soviets gave a number of captured tanks to Syria where they were used up to 1960s. (There was a self-propelled-gun with a howitzer, the StuH 42.)
*'''Sturmpanzer:''' Known commonly as the ''Brummbär'' (Grouch), this infantry support gun was based on the Panzer IV chassis. It mounted a 15cm mortar-sized direct-fire cannon, which fired a combined shell-charge weight of over 100lbs, designed to make infantry and buildings explode. It was given this name for two reasons: the tank broke down all the time (way more than any Panzer IV), and the shells were arduous to load.
*'''Ferdinand/Elefant''': To put the Ferdinand into perspective, this is a tank that the Hitler though was too complex, too unreliable and too theoretically advanced to use. The Ferdinand is the result of a contest between two of Nazi Germany's top companys, Porshe and Henschel (both of which still exist to day) to produce a heavy tank that could use the 8.8 cm gun. Henschel won the contest and their design became the Tiger tank, but Porshe ended up making 90 of their designs hulls, as Prof. Ferdinand Porsche was Hitler's favourite and so he arrogantly began production before the results came in. It was decided to turn those unused Tiger P prototypes into tank destroyers, and so they bolted even more armor on to them and added a fixed super structure for the gun and thus the Ferdinand (named after Porsche himself) was born. The Ferdinand was a troubled vehicle, rather then one engine it had two and thanks to poor ventilation they often overheated and bizarrely, they did not even connected to the drive train and instead were connected to a set of electric generators. That's right, in 1942 the Nazi's made a 65 ton Gas-electric hybrid power tank destroyer, good for the environment maybe, but maintenance for the thing was a nightmare worse than the Tiger. And before we forget, it did not have a machine gun, it could destroy any tank on the eastern front, but five guys with Molotov cocktails could take it out. So in 1943 48 of 50 remaining tanks were converted to have a machine gun, more armor, anti magnetic paste and a commander's cupola. The modified tanks were named Elefants. Overall, more Ferdinands were destroyed by their own crews after they broke down and could not be towed back to a repair base than were lost to enemy fire.
*'''Jagdpanzer IV'''
*'''Jagdpanther'''
*'''Jagdtiger'''
*'''Sturmtiger:''' An assault gun that could almost belong in the "Wunderwaffe" section. It was designed to replace the Brummbär as an infantry support vehicle to demolish fortifications and buildings and based off of the Tiger 1 chassis. Instead of being armed with a 210mm howitzer as planned, the Wehrmacht mounted a ''380mm rocket launcher adapted from a Kreigsmarine depth-charge launcher'', because the mortar was unavailable at the time. The Sturmtiger suffered the same problems as the Tiger itself, with an overbuilt engine and drivetrain, but on top of that, the rocket was so powerful that in order to not break the barrel of the gun or kill the crew, the exhaust gasses from launching the depth-charge rocket were vented out of a number of tubes that went back up the barrel. It also looks like a [[Vindicator]], probably not a coincidence.

===Airplanes===
* '''Messerschmitt Bf 109:''' This plane is credited with more kills than any other fighter in the history of man due to the tens of thousands of communists it has sent to hell in burning metal coffins. It is also the most produced fighter of all time. The variants of the 109 and the Spitfire competed with each other throughout the war for the title of "World's Best Fighter" as they were both continually upgraded. The 109 was small, very fast, a good turner, a god tier climber, and was inexpensive to produce and maintain. The 109's speed and climb rate made it a top tier energy fighter.
[[File:Fw190d9jv 1.jpg|thumb|right|250px|When the Nazis applied their sense of style to aerospace engineering, the result was the Fw 190D-9, the second sexiest son of a bitch in the sky, second only to the SR-71]]
* '''Focke-Wulf Fw 190''': When first introduced, the Fw 190 was hands-down the best fighter on the planet, due mostly to its very powerful radial engine. The 190A-3 was rocking 1,700 horsepower at a time when the Spitfire V had 1,450. As the war dragged on, BMW failed miserably to improve the engine and the 190 dropped in effectiveness until it was given a completely new engine in the Dora variant. The 190 was horrifically fast at low altitude, had extremely powerful armament, outstanding high speed handling, and had the best roll rate of any plane in the war. However, it was a very poor turner. This set of attributes made the 190 one of the best "boom and zoom" fighters.
[[File:HE111Z.JPG|thumb|left|150px|One of Germany's attempts at packing enough dakka in explosive form]]
*'''Heinkel He 111''': The main German bomber from beginning to end, it was developed in the 1930s; the Nazis called it a high speed passenger jet to get around the Treaty of Versailles. It was first put to its real use in the Spanish Civil War. The He 111 was a twin engine medium bomber, cheap to make and maintain and able to carry up to 3,600 kilos of bombs. Early on it performed very well and was one of the most effective bombers in the world but after 1941 the British and Americans began building larger and longer ranged four engine bombers like the Lancaster and the Flying Fortress in large quantities. The german engineers had a plan to counter these with an enhanced version of the HE 111 called the HE 111-Z that consisted of two 111 fusillages fused together on a central wing (which is just as retartedly awesome and awesomely retarded as it sounds) therefore gathering twice the bombs and weaponry of a regular bomber while being powered by 5 engines. They did manage to make it fly but it remained a prototype.
* '''Messerschmitt ME-262''': The Me 262 was the world's first operational jet fighter and possibly the most advanced aircraft of all in WWII. It was very fast, able to achieve a speed of 900km/h (in comparison, a P51 Mustang had a top speed of about 700km/h) and carried four 30mm cannons. Quality suffered due to a lack of high quality steel, which severely limited the shelf life of their engines to twelve hours. Even so, it was an effective against bombers. Much like every other advanced Nazi weapon, it arrived too late (in part due to delays involving the Nazi top brass) and in too few numbers to influence the course of the war, though it spurred development of jet aircraft on both sides of the Iron Curtain postwar. The Japanese built a rather similar jet fighter in the Nakajima Kikka, but that never got beyond prototype.
[[File:ME 262.jpg|thumb|left|250px|The ME-262: Nazi Germany's state of the art sky shark]]
*'''He-162''': With a max speed of 900 kph, 2 centerline 20mm cannons, and a 39 lbs/ft^2 wingloading, the He-162 was almost invincible.. while the 262 was an interceptor, the He-162 was designed for air superiority.
[[File:Heinkel He 162 CASM 2012 5.jpg|thumb|right]]

===Ships===
AS a general rule, Hitler dumped most of money into the Heer (army) and Luftwaffe (air force), leaving the Kreigsmarine (navy) out in the cold, so to speak, so they were not overly fond of him. Hitler once joked that he had "a conservative army, a Nazi air force, and a communist navy."
* '''U-Boote''': U-Boot, which are shortened version of the word "''Unterseeboot''" or "underwater boat, are submarines. They were used in devastating effect to cut off Britain from supplies from the outside world by having "wolfpacks" of U-boats patrol around shipping lanes and sink down any enemy ship they found. Their other uses involve seeking and destroying enemy battleships. They were so terrifying to Winston Churchill that he spent most of his naval planning working out ways to subvert or destroy the U-boat wolfpacks. Admiral Karl Dönitz, unlike Hitler, loved the U-boats, and built one of the largest structures on earth (at the time) to house them: the German U-boat pens in captured France. U-boats were invented in the first world war, and there unrestricted campaign of sinking any ship, even those with US citizens on them (even after the German government made a very public warning to the US that boarding a ship to England was a very bad idea), that approached England led to the neutral though leaning allied American to join the first world war and for them to be the last straw on the German back to end it.
* '''''Bismarck and Tirpitz''''': A pair of battleships so large and well designed no other battleships could sink them. Sinking the Bismark required an entire Royal navy fleet, six battleships and battlecruisers and two aircraft carriers, along with a number of cruisers and destroyers in a running battle over several days. And the Bismark was alone. Tirpitz was similarly indestructible. The RAF spent most of a year bombing the Tirpitz with everything in their arsenal, including the British Tallboy earthquake bombs. 5,400kg, fortification-destroying ''earthquake bombs'' could not destroy the Tirptiz despite scoring direct hits until a final bombing raid by 32 heavy Lancaster Bombers that managed to score a hit on one of the ammunition magazines.

===Wunderwaffen===
These are the "super weapons" that Hitler, in his desperation with the British American juggernaut on one side and the tidal wave of the Soviet Union on the other, authorized to be produced and made. These are things like the V-2 or jet planes.

As you can imagine with two hands strangling Germany, one smelling of vodka and the other apple pie, these weapons were made with a shortage of resources and time, however these were next generation prototypes, which most of the scientists of other nations had been toying with but had yet reached prototype much less combat stage with because they were, unlike the Germans never that desperate enough to use untested machinery with teething issues in battle. Take the infamous Tiger 1 and 2 tanks, for example: both are sometimes considered the best tanks of world war two, but both were over built and overly complex compared the T-34 or Sherman tank, which, while inferior, were made in greater numbers due to being simpler. While we're talking about the Tiger, it's important to also note that the Tiger was also the most primitive tank of the war, since unlike the T-34, which had revolutionary sloped armor, it was just a [http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Ork metal box with big gun on it].

This why Nazi "Wonder weapons" caught the imagination of the world because they were on the bleeding edge of technology and while in the real world they were rather dismissively called "voo-vah" by Allied troops. This is the place any of the "Nazi Super science" stuff goes. You want lighting guns? Wunderwaffen. Super tanks? Wunderwaffen. Moon rockets? Wunderwaffen. Hitler in a giant robot spider powered by the souls of the damned? Wunderwaffen.

* '''V1 flying bomb:''' The V1 is considered as an early version of the cruise missile and was used in the bombing of England, since a city was pretty much all they COULD accurately hit. The V1's used an early version of a Pulse jet and they were quickly called "buzz bombs," "doodlebugs," or "farting furies" to discourage people from calling them "robot bombs," which gives the impression that they were unstoppable. Fun fact about the V1: it uses the same fuel as a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bombardier_beetle type of beetle] uses to defend itself.
*'''V2 rocket:''' The V2 was the world's first ballistic missile. The scientists that developed it, including Werner von Braun, went on to work for NASA and developed the booster rockets on the Saturn V launch vehicle (Nazi science really did put a man on the moon).
* '''Horton 229 and Horton 18:''' While technically Nazi aircraft, they really deserves to be here, not up in Aircraft. Commonly known as the "Nazi stealth fighter," this twin-turbojet flying-wing fighter was found in a secret workshop hangar by invading American forces. Nobody knows for certain if the Horton 262 was originally built for stealth, but it's all-wood construction and smooth radar-fouling shape, coupled with radar-absorbing paint on the outer shell makes a fairly clear case for a stealth aircraft. The concept that the 229 was build around was the "3x1000": 1000kph, 1000km range, 1000kg bomb payload. This, in 1943. During test flights, it outperformed the Me. 262 while using exactly the same engines. It was probably going to be used to fly through or knock out the British radar array in a second, never-realized "Battle of Britain 2: Electromagnetic Boogaloo." The Horton 18 was an even bigger flying wing, with a huge wingspan and 6 jet engines. This one was designed to be an intercontinental bomber, intending to hit American cities as the western front made Hitler angrier and angrier. The Horton 18 was never built, but the 229 was rather successfully test flown. Both planes looks quite a bit like the modern B2 stealth bomber, which isn't much of a surprise considering the Americans hauled the Horton 229 prototype back home to be studied in a secret airforce base (where it is today).
[[File:Maus_Trials_1944.png|350px|thumb|right|[[Approved_anime#Gaming_anime|Panzer vor]], motherfuckers.]]
* '''''Maus'' and ''Ratte'':''' The ''Panzerkampfwagen VIII Maus'' ("mouse") is the largest tank ever built. A 200 metric ton monster with a 128mm (5 inch) main gun, and a 75mm co-axial gun in the turret, it crept along at a blistering 13 kph and sucked down liters of gas per kilometer. Amazingly, they actually built this tank. Five were ordered, but only two prototypes and one turret were built. It was originally going to be called the ''Mauschen'' (Little Mouse), but because the Germans liked schadenfreude more than irony, just ''Maus'' stuck. Realistically, neither front's tanks would have had the firepower to penetrate the Maus, only extreme-caliber anti-tank guns and artillery fire would have done the job, however it was so big that there was no road or bridge big enough to take it so it had to have special snorkling gear to get past river. Its extremely slow speed and massive size, however, likely would have made it prime bait for bombers (which is one of the reasons why modern militaries don't use heavy tanks anymore) While neither side had a Anti tank weapon strong enough to penetrate it's armor, it's more then likely it would never get there even if it was built. It's not quite a [[Baneblade]], but they were getting there. The ''Landkreuzer P. 1000 Ratte'' ("rat") was an even larger tank, or "land cruiser", since it was essentially a naval warship on tracks. Never actually built, despite being ordered by Hitler (Albert Speer realised it was insane, even by Nazi standards, and canned the project), the Rat was to be a 1000 metric ton tank, mounting two 280mm naval guns, a 128mm anti tank gun, eight 20mm FlaK cannons, and two 15mm aircraft cannons. The Nazi's really didn't want anyone to get this monster, so they blew up the complete first model. The second Maus, armed with the first one's turret, was towed back to Russia by invading forces, and currently resides in the Kubinka Tank museum for all to see.
*'''''Karl-Gerät''"''' The ''Karl-Gerät'' is one of the very few real world weapon ever built that is BIGGER then its 40k equivalent. Karl weighs 124 tons, is armed with a 60cm (24 inch) gun that fires a shell that weights more than a ton, that can hit a target between four and ten kilometers away depending on the size of its shell. This thing was the largest self-propelled gun ever made and it could give even a (admittedly small) Titan pause for thought. These things were actually used in combat to decent effect in Warsaw, but had mixed results in other deployments. It was so big and slow that it had to be disassembled and put on special tractor trailers to move around, and was moved any real distance by train.
[[File:Hitler-gustav-railway-gun.jpg|350px|thumb|right|If there was a fine line between [[Dakka]], [[Titan|massive overcompensation]], and [[Rape|"Holy shit, Greg! Is that a fucking landship on rails!?",]] then the Gustav sure hits the spot.]]
*'''''Schwerer Gustav'':''' An excellent example of the brilliance and impracticality of Wunderwaffen, ''Schwerer Gustav'' was a railway gun that resembled a cruiser fucking a freight train and an artillery piece, built in the late 30's to defeat the Maginot Line. Two were built, the other called "Dora." It is a descendent of the German Empire's 1918 "Paris gun," a smaller gun ("only" 238mm's) built in World War One to shell Paris from Germany, 120 kilometers away (a range so far they had to account for the curvature of the Earth when firing the damn thing). Gustav was designed to defeat any fortifications in existence; as such, it was the largest-calibre rifled weapon ever used in combat, the heaviest mobile artillery piece ever built in terms of overall weight, and fired the heaviest shells of any artillery piece. It fired 80cm (31 inch) shells, weighing 4,800kg to 7,100kg up to 48km. The AP shells could penetrate 7m of reinforced concrete. It completely succeeded in its job of defeating any existing fortification, but at the same time was completely impractical: it required two specially-laid parallel railway tracks to move (yes, it was a railway gun too big for the railway), took 54 hours to set up for firing, and had a rate of fire of 14 rounds per day. Since building a gun that fired shells that wouldn't fit through the front door to your house wasn't excessive enough for the Nazis, plans were made to mount the Schwerer Gustav 80cm gun on a 1,500t self propelled artillery platform (the ''Landkreuzer P.1500 Monster'') with two 15cm howitzers and multiple 15mm autocannons as secondary weapons. Unfortunately, both guns were scrapped near the end of the war. The Schwerer Gustav was a titan gun before there were titans.
*'''V3''': If you thought Gustav up there was nutty wait to you here about the V3, a gun that's as big as a 40k titan. The V3 was an attempt to make a gun that could shoot across the English channel, and there were a number of sane guns that could do this including railway guns and big bunkers built with battleship battery's. but they could only shoot between the narrowest point between England and continental Europe. The V3 was built to shell London from France. I said early it was a s big as a titan, and I was not being sarcastic, (though it would only be as big as a knight, which despite being the smallest titan is still bloody big) from breach to muzzle the gun was 130 meters or 430 feet long with a bore of 150mm or 5.9 inches across. Rather then use a single big explosion to propel the shells, the V3 used rocket motors mounted in pairs, set so there exhaust would thrust a 140kg shell out of the barrel like a reverse bolter. This set up allowed it to fire a shell out to 165km and put London well in range. Of course like all of the Nazi Wunderwaffen, in practice it sounded good but was actually kinda shit. the gun was so big, remember 130meters that it had to be built in a hill meaning it was impossible for it to change target after being built, and after all the time you spent building the damn thing, by the time you were done it might no longer be useful to have, such as what happened during the Nazi Operation Nordwind. Further even if you ignore the logistical issues compared to other period artillery the VS was just plain shit. The 16"/50 caliber Mark 7 guns of the USS Iowa class battleship, had a caliber of 16 inch or 406mm, and fired a shell that weighed 1,225 kg, so over twice as big around and almost exactly nine times as heavy, and the Iowa had nine of them, and it could move. and to put the cherry on the HMS sound plan, by the time the first five guns were finally built to shell London, the British airforce destroyed them with Tallboy Earthquake bombs. If anything proves how silly the idea of Nazi super silence is, let the fate of the V3 super gun stand testament to how many times Hitler's scientists, and Hitler himself, had been hit with the stupid stick growing up.

===Misc===
[[File:Stalhelm.jpg|200px|thumb|left|The Distinctive Stahlhelm. The Germans lucked out helmet design during WWI]]
* '''''Stahlhelm'':''' The many variants of the iconic German helmet were derived from the medieval sallet during the Great War. The purpose of these helmets was to keep shrapnel out of one's head. It was better than it's contemporaries by better protecting the sides and back of the head as well. Not to be confused with the spiked Prussian ''Pickelhaube''.

*'''''Stielhandgranate'':''' Often called "stick grenades" or "potato mashers," these are those grenades on sticks you see the Germans always using. The stielhandgranate is what is called a "offensive" grenade known now as a "concussive" grenade. The difference is an offensive grenade uses explosive pressure waves to kill an enemy, thus allowing you to use it while advancing without getting a face full of shrapnel, while a defensive grenade (like the US "pineapple" grenade) uses shrapnel to kill an enemy, affecting a much larger area but also putting you in the blast radius, hence they were designed to be thrown over the wall of a fox hole or trench line at advancing enemy troops while you keep your head down. The reason the stielhandgranate has the stick is to give you more leverage when throwing it as compared to a round grenade.

*'''''Nebelwerfer'':''' A family of weapons whose very name means "Smoke Mortar" and they were listed as smoke screen launchers before the war (to get around the Treaty of Versailles), but in truth were rather deadly artillery designed to deploy chemical munitions, though in the extent of the war they never did (actually they did in Crimea), probably because Hitler had survived gas attacks in the last war and drew the line at using them himself and the fact that using chemical weapons would invite retaliation. These types of weapons includes some mortars, but more importantly includes rocket artillery. In Germany between the wars, there was a fair bit of interest in new rocket designs and the Nazis knew they had use for that. These rockets were inaccurate, but you could easily fire a whole bunch of the things off at once, though thanks to the smoke, you had to scoot away or the other side would drop their own artillery on top of you. The rocket based system made a very distinctive sound and US troops would come to call them "Screaming Mimi" and "Moaning Minnie."

*'''Goliath:''' A remote controlled vehicle on treads, stuffed full of explosives. They were driven up to an enemy tank or a bunker and then would blow up. Games Workshop stole the idea and design for the Imperial Guard Cyclops.

*'''Flammenwerfer:''' A werfer zat werfs flammen. Your standard flamethrower in both name and function, though there wasn't much use for it - There were no real line wars like in WW1 where people sat in <s>comfy</s> little (hell) holes and took potshots at each other. not to say they weren't used. but unlike the trench wars of WW1 most of the fighting was mobile rather than static.
*'''8.8cm flak gun:''' this is THE German gun of world war two, and it sums up the German experience in the first part of the war, of never being truly ready but by being very clever and doctrinally flexible. The 88mm was designed as an anti air weapon built to throw a high explosive shell as high into the air as it could so that it could explode somewhere in the same ballpark as the enemy plane and put one piece of shrapnel into something important, which is a role it preformed throughout the war. However against the heavy allied tanks such as the British Matilda 1 and French B1, the German tanks of the time had no ability to penetrate their frontal armor, however the 8.8 cm flak weapons, thanks to their high muzzle speed required to fire the explosive shell so high into the air, were able to deal with enemy tanks at unparalleled ranges (the US did the same thing with it's 90mm AA gun converting it into a anti tank weapon for the M36 tank destroyer, and the Pershing tank). Germany quickly pushed to have a tank armed with the 88 as it became clear that against the soviet union, tanks were only going to get stronger, which is why the Tiger is a metal slab with a gun, it's job was to get an 88mm gun into the battle field as fast as possible. The Imperial Guard Basilisk cannon looks almost exactly like the Flak 88.

==Gallery==

[[category:history]][[Category:Not related]]