2d4chan - User contributions [en]

Steampunk

2016-11-19T01:06:44Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Steampunk and /tg/ */

[[Image:Steampunk_Lincoln.jpg|thumb|300px|Steampunk is kind of like this.]]

Steampunk is a genre of literature, movies, and RPGs made popular by (among other things) William Gibson's ''The Difference Engine''. It usually features the following:

* Gears
* Brass and iron
* Steam
* Airships
* More gears

Some steampunk runs the more realistic, looking at things which were being developed in the 19th century and expanding on them like steam powered road vehicles and the Babbage's Analytical Engine. Others go for the blatantly fantastic with steam powered mechs, guns that shoot lightning, and colonies on Mars; this is called Gaslamp Fantasy, and mirrors the works of Jules Verne and the high-flying boys' adventure novels published before the turn of the 20th century.

The typical setting has many of the trappings of Victorian England, such as top hats, monocles, and parasols. It may also be reminiscent of the American Old West. Basically, anything between 1840 and 1900 is fair game.

Steampunk works often depict things like a society with a thin facade civility overlying the worship of science, which in turn is just a cover for the cold, ugly, and messy reality; or an aristocracy supported by technology maintained and operated by the poor. Sometimes Steampunk works are post-apocalyptic, incorporating period parody tropes used in settings like [[video games|Fallout]] but tuned to Victorian society and ideology, or edging into Industrial Gothic ideals of inevitable ecological disaster brought about by the Industrial Revolution or the horrors of industrial warfare.

== Problems ==
Like many things, Steampunk can be awesome if executed with care, attention to detail and the the nature of the technology and time frame that it is drawing upon. Alas, much of modern Steampunk work gets a lot of well-deserved hate for being only skin-deep, as lamented in the semi-viral music video, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFCuE5rHbPA&feature=kp|"Just Glue Some Gears On It (And Call It Steampunk)"]. Some fa/tg/uys have declared that we should dub this debris of the steampunk genre "cog fop" and move on to [[Dieselpunk]], though there are risks of the process happening again to dieselpunk as well should it go mainstream.

This likely happened as Steampunk was formed from the top down rather than the bottom up. Science Fiction (in general terms) started in the 19th century as people began to see how science and technology were beginning to reshape the world and asked themselves "what would happen if someone found a way of using electricity to build and reanimate the dead or invented a ship that could sail around the world underwater or could fly to the moon" with their various spins based around their experiences and beliefs. Modern Fantasy has it's origin with people who studied folklore and history and used it to make their own mythologies and histories. Either way, both these ideas started with broad general concepts onto which various ideas were built. Steampunk in contrast emerged from a combination of some of that older sci-fi, but in particular the aesthetics there of. Some people were interested in making use of victorian settings, but far more were interested in the surface details of old fashioned brass machinery with overtly mechanical gears and all that, as well as fashion which looks like someone ran through the costume department for a play company that does a lot of Jane Austin and then fell into a pile of old clock parts.

This sort of stuff in fiction ''is'' important, especially in visual fiction, but as a general rule it's supposed to be their to build upon a central theme. [[Star Trek]] would still be Star Trek if the Enterprise was an art-deco rocketship but the scripts, actors and direction was all the same (if a bit wonky), but it would not be star trek if you got all the aesthetic details down as they were in the show but it's episodes were about a bunch of Imperialistic assholes who shoot innocent aliens for the Emperor. So much of steampunk was just generic adventures in a setting with some psuedo-victorian backdrops.

==Steampunk and /tg/==
Some RPG settings that may be considered steampunk include the following:
* [[Eberron]] (although it describes itself as "[[Dungeonpunk]]" and is based on industrialized magic rather than steam)
* [[Dragonmech]]
* [http://www.fantasyflightgames.com/dd40.html Sorcery & Steam]
* [[Inland_Empire|Inland Empire]]
* [[Echelon]]
* [[Airship Pirates]]
* [[Iron Kingdoms]]
* Some elements of the [[Pathfinder Roleplaying Game]] setting, notably the Mana Wastes
* Many units and vehicles in the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] have a steampunk vibe, which is odd considering they used more advanced tech than the broader Imperium

At least three steampunk-inspired tabletop skirmish games exist:
* [[Malifaux]]
* [[Dystopian Wars]]
* [[Warmachine]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Ray Blunderbuss.jpg</gallery>

Adeptus Mechanicus

2016-11-07T04:38:57Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A:

''"All that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science."''

-Sir Winston Churchill

''"War is the science of destruction."''

-John Abbott

''"Technology is a gift of God. After the gift of life it is perhaps the greatest of God's gifts. It is the mother of civilizations, of arts and of sciences."''

-Freeman Dyson

[[Image:MECHANICUS.jpg|thumb|600px|right|The faculty of engineering never looked so cool!]]
The '''Adeptus Mechanicus'''; Often shortened as '''Admech''', is an organization in the [[Imperium of Man]] responsible for technology, engineering and most of the Imperium's Industrial production, as well as the operation of the [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|Titan]] Legions. The Adeptus Mechanicus, whose individual members are known as [[Techpriest]]s, control thousands of [[Forge World#Planet|forge worlds]] (think about any techno/cyberpunk/industrial trash metal band CD illustration obsessed with heavily polluted industrialized landscapes and you will get a bit close to the idea). Forge worlds are covered in massive manufactoria or, as they are known to speakers of Low Gothic, 'work'. The largest forge world of the Adeptus Mechanicus is [[Mars]], homeworld of the Adeptus Mechanicus, on which the most badass weapons ever known to man are made.

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TvN5lCVkRk They also tend to hog all the really cool shit for themselves]—like Titans, [[Ordinatus]], and other wonderful stuff—only letting the Imperials have it when really, really necessary (or if they're threatened personally). They have two armies of their own, which are not anything like the [[Imperial Guard]], as they are mostly composed of badass angry cyborgs and boxy technogrunge robots that are more violent than ED209, and giant, tank-crushing, [[Servitor|lobotomized minions]]. They are also technological rivals with the [[Tau]], and potentially have made a few advances beyond the [[Eldar]]. Their primary reason for hording all the good shit is to keep it out of the hands of [[Chaos]] in case an army rebels, though they're also territorial as fuck when it comes to technology.

They typically look like a cross between [http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jawa Jawas] and [http://marvel.wikia.com/Otto_Octavius_%28Earth-616%29 Doctor Octopus], as well as wearing the sort of rebreather masks that you'll typically see on riot police.

They are also [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17PM-UMVud8 avid music lovers.]

This is [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ecvLRxb3MU their theme] done by [[HMKids]].

And one for [https://youtu.be/Jb8J1zx2Lrg the Machine Cult].

== New Releases! ==
The Mechanicus received an entire army's worth of new plastic models and rulebook! Praise the Omnissiah!

At the moment, the Admech is divided into a number of different mini-factions. Currently, the [[Skitarii]] and the Cult Mechanicus army have been fully released. There is also the "Titan Guard" Secutarii on the way, but they're a Forge World army. The [[Legio Cybernetica]] is also part of the Adeptus Mechanicus, though aside from the Kastelan, they're [[Horus Heresy]] only.

The current releases include Skitarii, who are like if the Guard were badass technogrunge medievalpunk super-soldiers with access to all the good shit, spider-tanks, scout walkers that are basically the Sentinel if it was good, Servitors on tank treads that will wreck your shit, giant crazy-tough robots that will wreck your shit harder, and a plastic Magos HQ unit! Truly, venerate the Omnissiah, and He will provide. The Cult Mechanicus, meanwhile, consists mainly of half-naked tech-priests with a fetish for electricity and some battle servitors, including the aformentioned Kastelan. Tech-Priest Magos are also the only figures in modern 40k that carry [[Volkite]] weapons. The upcoming Titan Guard are divided into Peltasts and Hoplites, which are fitting descriptions as the former look to be ranged skirmishers, while the latter are heavily armored spearmen (the spears happen to shoot electricity).

==History of the Adeptus Mechanicus==
[[Image:Magos Dominus.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Magos]]
The Mechanicus was established in the distant past, when a bunch of <s>machine worshiping technophiles</s> normal people terraformed Mars during mankind's dominating of the Solar System and colonizing of the galaxy. Thus Mars became an extremely technologically advanced society of astronauts, scientists, engineers, manufacturers, and miners wherein they could pursue advances in technology and power the [[Dark Age of Technology]]. After a while, during the [[Age of Strife]], their precious atmosphere was punctured, and solar radiation <s>beat down on their filthy heads</s> burned the land, boiled the seas, and took the sky from them, nuking all life. Everybody either did one of three things: die, hide underground, or turn feral. After hundreds of years of living from half-working mechanical bunker to partially-pressurized archaic hab spire; people began to look upon technology as a saviour and way to return to the former heights of glory. Thus, did a new cult spread amongst the people of Mars, wherein they paid reverence to the Machine God. [[Just as planned]].

[[File:Techpriests_are_still_human_deep_inside.jpg|thumb|300px|left|Who said they are not human or lack the human factor? And thanks to Priests of Mars this is canon.]]

And then they joined the [[EMPRAH]] because they saw him as an aspect of the Machine God called the '[[Omnissiah]]'. As if the parallels aren't already tremendously clear at this point.

Except it's giant load of bullshit. The Tech-priesthood were FORCED to acknowledge the Big E as an incarnate of Machine God quite literally at gunpoint. This happened after they sent pretty much their entire fleet and army to Terra to prevent the Unification of meatbags, so they can continue to raid ancient Terran tombs and libraries once or twice a century. The Emperor's fleet fucked them so hard only one in ten returned to Mars to tell the tale. Needless to say, Fabricator-General was very cooperative when Emprah's armada arrived on Mars orbit. At least they managed to get a special exemption from the "no religions" rule, possibly because the Emperor already knew about the Dragon of Mars (see below). In exchange for giving the Imperium all the guns and tanks they needed, the Emperor promised the Fabricator-General full autonomy on all Forge Worlds, as well as access to Navigators and Astropaths for space travel, and all Archeotech found during the [[Great Crusade]]. Naturally, this managed to smooth things over between the two factions, resulting in the Treaty of Mars and the beginning of the Imperium; As a sign of their alliance, the Emperor changed his sigil from the lightning bolt, as used by the [[Thunder Warriors]], to the two-headed Aquila.

Hilariously, the "Machine God" may actually be the Void Dragon, one of the ancient [[C'tan]] Star Gods. The Void Dragon is actually one of the most powerful of the C'tan, and gains control over machines. All those techpriests are going to have serious problems when it wakes up... Oh yeah. It's on Mars because the EMPRAH roofied it and turned it into an angry cave on Mars...yeah. It's now guarded by the Mechanicus in their Noctys Labyrinth. This point of view is not certain, so the Machine God may be anything like the collective mass of all machines or the sum of all knowledge, neither would all Mechanicus accept a C'Tan as their lord. But it's a more [[Grimdark|fun]] version, isn't it?

==The Machine Spirits==

''"If you run from technology, it will chase you."''

-Robert M. Pirsig

The "[[Machine Spirit]]" is the Imperium's version of Artificial Intelligence, mainly because after the reunification of [[Earth|Terra]]; the Emperor forbade the use of AI in machinery (partly because of the ancient rebellion of the [[Men of Iron]], but mostly to prevent the Void Dragon from skullfucking them, Skynet style).

For all the importance of Machine Spirits to the Mechanicus, it's not entirely clear what they actually are. One theory holds that there is actually a semi-sentient AI fragment in pretty much everything electronic, a leftover from the Age of Strife. These "ghosts in the machine" quite literally must be appeased, or else they'll fuck with the targeting systems in your Bolter at the worst possible moment, start doing doughnuts with your Land Raider, and generally act like dicks. All the ritual and apparent silliness of the Cult Mechanicus, then, is actually necessary to keep the machines operating.

The prevailing theory within the Mechanicus itself would seem to hold that a Machine Spirit is a fragment of the Machine God itself. Whether this is simply rhetoric (you need to keep your gun oiled, or it'll backfire, and the cogboys are just really picky about how you oil it) or the actual truth (the Void Dragon extends its awareness to literally every machine in the universe, which is disturbingly more possible than one might think), the fact remains that Machine Spirits are real enough to severely ruin your day (or your continent, in the case of an itinerant Land Raider), and the ritual and mysticism surrounding the Cult Mechanicum's everyday activities is far more important to them than even the Imperial Creed.

The Techpriests of Mars got around the restrictions against "Abominable Intelligence" in true WH40K [[grimdark]] fashion: cut out the "Artificial" part and make it organic, and vice versa. Nearly every piece of sophisticated machinery in the Imperium operates via a cogitator, analogous to a modern-day microchip, which is basically the cloned or recycled brain of a human converted to function like a horrific cyborg version of a CPU. This interpretation of the "Machine Spirit" is particularly disturbing, to be sure, but is a necessity because the Iron Men incident and Age of Strife in general made the Imperium fear the "Silica Animus". The only true difference between a semi-organic cogitator and a true AI is that their machine spirits have no ability to learn or improve on their own, and therefore must be manually programmed by their operators if they need to learn or do anything that is outside their current programming. Thus, it is now nearly (but not entirely) impossible for machines to rebel on their own, quelling the fears of the Imperium.

In any of these cases, it can be easily understood why machines are revered by the Mechanicus and why they are treated like sentient beings. Although, the AdMech is a bit fuzzy just ''how'' sentient machines are; are they somehow capable of thought like organics or no more sentient than your bread toaster at home?

==The Commandments of the Mechanicus==
The Mechanicus have some ideas that they abide by:

'''The Mysteries:'''

01. Life is directed motion.

02. The spirit is the spark of life.

03. Sentience is the ability to learn the value of knowledge.

04. Intellect is the understanding of knowledge.

05. Sentience is the basest form of Intellect.

06. Understanding is the True Path to Comprehension.

07. Comprehension is the key to all things.

08. The Omnissiah knows all, comprehends all.

'''The Warnings:'''

09. The alien mechanism is a perversion of the true path.

10. The soul is the conscience of sentience.

11. A soul can be bestowed only by the Omnissiah.

12. The Soulless sentience is the enemy of all.

13. The knowledge of the ancients stands beyond question.

14. The machine spirit guards the knowledge of the ancients.

15. Flesh is fallible, but ritual honors the machine spirit.

16. To break with ritual is to break with faith.

==What the Mechanicus does==

[[Image:Mechanical-man.jpg|thumb|300px|right|[[Awesome|"You may say, it is impossible for a man to become like the Machine. And I would reply, that only the smallest mind strives to comprehend its limits"
. -Fabricator General Kane.]]]]

The main role of the Adeptus Mechanicus is to maintain the advanced equipment of the Imperium; which despite stereotypes, they are actually very good at. Most of their rituals to appease machinery are pretty much the same methods we would use to repair our machinery with a whole bunch of religious iconography mixed in. The terms used by the Mechanicus are actually quite similar to our engineers if you swap some of the words (replace machine spirit with A.I, sacred oils with lubricant etc.) Because of its religious nature some of the components of the rituals are unnecessary but almost all Tech-Priests skip the unnecessary stuff in dire situations while some abandon the unnecessary parts altogether. It's also implied that the so-called holy chants are really them repeating instructions to themselves, which would be useful for remembering what you're doing. The cases where chanting is actually necessary is where they are working with something like a [[Land Raider]] or Titan - both of which have a temperamental machine spirit - that you don't want to piss off.

They spend a lot of time traveling across the galaxy looking for some old laptops called "[[Standard Template Construct]]s" that have all the info necessary for the first human colonist do their job well (mostly a mix of Ikea and "high-tech for dummies" manuals). This is the reason why you will end selling grox hamburgers if you study to be an engineer (unless you have balls or are a spess mehreen artificer who might make something really good) in the [[Imperium]]: everything was already done by the ancients in the Dark Age of [[Cyberpunk|William Gibson]] and recorded in these STCs. Thanks to glitches and borderline developers and programmers, all the STCs found by the Mechanicus are more fucked up than Windows Vista. While often the recovered STCs are useless or incomplete, there are instances where they are actually functional, for example the STC data of the Land Raider and the Land Speeder as well as Centurion armour are well known, another nice example is the one found in the novel Skitarius by [[Rob Sanders]], where the badass protagonist helps the Adeptus Mechanicus priests to find a sort of "Empyrean Bomb", capable to dissipate warp phenomena.
More often than not STC data comes from print-outs from fragmented STCs, or copies of these print-outs. These printouts, when discovered, are studied, translated and <s>argued over</s> [[Heresy|scattered among their colossal stacks of Tau pornography]] for centuries before any useful products are made from them. If they ever find an undamaged complete STC, this would likely cause a schism within the Mechanicus, which will tear the Imperium asunder. The Adeptus Mechanicus also attempt sometimes to loot [[Necron]] tombs and will gladly put an entire world at risk for this, and act like it's blasphemy of the most serious kind when people wall it off because of the goddamn killer robot skeletons! The idiots. The Priests of Mars also will not mind getting their hands on Xenos artifacts to see how such "blasphemies" can work, and maybe give a hint of how a [[Orky|"pure" design should have been.]]

Very rarely the Adeptus will actually invent something. While they do adapt designs occasionally the only things they actually invented from scratch is the [[Lascannon]], the Dunestrider perpetual motion machine (who's creator was promptly executed and all designs lost upon creation), as well all the [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|Titans]], except for the Reaver Class and the Apocalypse Class, which were invented during the Age of Strife and the Dark Age of Technology respectively. Which is pretty odd, until you realize that they invented them [[Horus Heresy|pre-heresy]]. Even things like [[Land Raider]]s and [[Land Speeder]]s, which were said to have been given critically important parts by the famous Mr. Land himself, were actually just made from really old bits Land found in the galaxy's third biggest library/archive/warehouse (the one on Terra). Well, they also invented the Infernus pattern Predator. Sure they built it on the [[Rhino Transport|Rhino]] chassis, but they created a pattern without killing everyone involved. Of course, they aren't ''actually'' "inventing" it. They are, supposedly, using divinely inspired reason to create something that has always existed, implicit in the logical structure of the universe. This is, interestingly, not a new idea, it can be traced back to philosophers like Plato, ultimately the Mechanicus will play to no end with the meaning of the word "invent" to get the job done, as too often and despite /tg/'s cartoonish flanderization your average techpriest will have enough common sense to "feel divinely inspired" whenever his/her neck is on the line, you know, desperation is the mother of all inven... Ahem, I mean, "divinely inspired reason".

Also important to mention is what they ''do not do.'' The Mechanicus by and large are the greediest gits in the galaxy. They hoard technology like it is going out of style, which would be fine, if they didn't hoard and defend it, but that isn't the point. The point ''is'' that they're basically [[Monopoly|a mega-corporation that will try to own, buy, sell and take by force any existing technology]]. Getting a part, gun, computer, vehicle, schematic, program, eyepatch, cookie recipe, or even a [[Miniatures|tiny plastic model]] that wasn't specifically mass-produced and shipped to the [[Departmento Munitorum]] so ''they'' can give it to you, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TvN5lCVkRk is nearly impossible.] Anything with any kind of passing significance or interest to the Mechanicus is guarded by 7-foot cyborg death machines. Anything in the private possession of a Mechanicus operative that ''might be'' harder to make than a bolt or nut is treated like the holy grail. I dare you to try and [[rage|take a 8,000 year-old flash drive from a techpriest who just found it.]] It's worse than taking little plastic models from [[tg|fat men]] [[neckbeards|with beards]].

==The Void Dragon==
A lot of their tech stuffs come from the Void Dragon that the Emperor bested and imprisoned on Mars ages ago as so humanity could gain mastery over machines. While it might have worked pretty well back when the Imperium wasn't the festering portaloo of a grimdark shitpit that it is today, it's pretty much a matter of time now. The Necrons already attempted to raid Mars - and succeeded, well, sort of. They got vaporized before they could really even do anything, but the fact that they managed to even land proved a point the High Lords of Terra had been turning a blind eye towards for ages.

If the T-800s get what they want and party on Mars long enough to wake the Void Dragon up, you can bet it's going to be a pretty goddamned bad day for just about any human not [[Feral World|wearing loincloths and still bashing rocks together]]. The few Mechanicus agents who have figured this out have either gone rogue, blammed or gone totally bonkers, ripping all the implants from their flesh. And when you're a member of the Mechanicus, that's about 80% of your body.

Of course, the even worse possibility is that the void dragon enjoys this situation, as every time the tech-priests remove their flesh and place more machine into it, they could be feeding him a fraction of their soul. As there are quite a few tech-priests out there, and humanity being the rabbits they are, this would give him a lifetime of souls to be eating, and a personal army that is very much willing.

By the way, the "Void" Dragon is actually only called "The Dragon" in the official fluff, probably as a reference to Metropolis. <s>But for God knows what unreasonable reason, /tg/ insists on calling him the "Void Dragon", thus confusing him with an Eldar aircraft, or with an Eldar pirate warband. Unless it's an obscure vidya reference. Whatever, maybe it just sounds cooler.</s> The [[Eldar]] refer to it as the "Void Dragon", and the aircraft and pirate warband take their names from it.

'''UPDATE:''' The new Codex: Necrons written by our [[Matt Ward|Spiritual Liege]] reveals the necrons are no longer enslaved by the C'tan, instead they are their sworn enemies for tricking them into giving up flesh, thus they were probably going to Mars to capture the Imperial held C'tan shard of the Void Dragon as they won't see humans reliable, or perhaps they were under control of another shard, and wanted to liberate it, oh whatever, for what we know it may have been [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trollzyn]] trying to loot Mars. Or, maybe they simply realize that having a C'tan that can control technology on a planet-sized machine-scape is a ''bad'' idea.

The only thing that changes as a result of that is once the Void Dragon (shard or whole, who knows?) wakes up, it will be the only C'tan with ready access to an army, and a pretty damn huge one at that- so it's not only going to be a real bad day for the Imperium, but the Necrons as well.

'''UPDATE 2:''' And now it seems the World Engine of [[Astral Knights]] fame was supposed to be in route to Mars in order to allow his usurper Phaeron to get himself a new Void Dragon Pokémon, good thing he got sabotaged.

==Why Everything is so Grimdark==
''"The Mechanicus does NOT have the technology. They haven't been living on some fancy paradise planet since pre-Fall. Mars is an anarchic nightmare shithole the moment you leave the safe zones into the kilometers of labyrinthine corridors beneath it full of rogue machinery, self-aware and malevolent AI from before the Fall, and the daemon programs of the Heresy. EVERYTHING in the databases is fucked. The databases are fragmented over the entire surface to the extent that it would be impossible to see one tenth of the total files in the ludicrously extended life of a Magos even assuming that they are completely safe to visit. And they are not.

''The files have been corrupted into madness by the Fall, and the unleashing of the most potent informational warfare systems ever to exist to defeat the Iron Men. Nearly all of Mars was rendered uninhabitable, what they live in now is built on the top of the ruins. They send archeotech expeditions in to find shit, nearly all of them never come back. The sheer number of rogue war machine running around in there is sufficient to rape the mind. Then came the Heresy, which was not earth-exclusive. Mars as the second most critical planet in the Imperium was the site of fighting nearly as ferocious as on Terra, with Mechanicus loyalists and Hereteks fighting tooth, nail, and mechadendrite everywhere. Ancient machines were unleashed, viruses both normal and daemonic unleashed into all the computer systems. Towards the close of the Heresy, Rogal Dorn sent some Space Marine operatives to wipe the planet clean of all life. Nearly every single stored record on Mars was rendered unusable, and those that survived are half the time self-aware and don't like you, or daemonic and actively try to kill you.

''If you come back with a schematic, it is almost certainly gibberish, and if it isn't, it's probably corrupted into uselessness. If it does come back whole it was probably malevolently fucked with so that instead of a Lasgun power cell it's a fucking grenade set to detonate the second you finish building it. Why do you think they want off-world STCs so damned much if they had them all here? The fucking Heresy is why. Off-world they only have to contend with the Fall's war and its effects on the machinery plus twenty thousand years of degradation with no maintenance. But at least off-world it'll probably just not work instead of actively seeking to kill you.

''Why do you think they seek to placate the Machine Spirit? It's because it exists. The fragments of trillions of self-aware programs, flourishing during the Dark Age of Technology and shattered by Man in his war with the Iron men, imprisoning the few who had not set themselves irrevocably into the machinery, a prison smashed wide open by the Heresy. Everything that can hold programming in the Imperium has a shard of a program in it. EVERYTHING. And you'd better fucking please it or it will do everything in its power to make your day shit. Sure, if it's a Lasgun it'll just not work or start shooting off rounds by itself, but if you piss off a Land Raider you can say bye-bye to half a continent. They apply these principles to things without spirits by habit, since they're so used to dealing with tanks that if not talked to just right might go rogue and annihilate the Manufactorum before they can be killed.

''This is why they do not like ANYONE fucking with technology, because it is so rare to find anything that just works it is critical it not be compromised. That, and they do not have the actual knowledge to fuck with it intelligently, just through experimentation, which inevitably leads to slaughter. Pressing buttons to see what works is fine in a 21st century computer, but it is a very stupid thing to do at the helm of a 410th century starship with the destructive power to end solar systems. The entire knowledge base of humanity was lost. Not forgotten, but outright lost. Everything at all, poof. Nobody knows anything because the Fall fucked everything up and the Heresy double-fucked it. To rebuild the theoretical framework needed to design new technologies that don't kill everyone near them would require starting from the ground up. They don't have the time, they never have, and they never will.

''This gets on to the point of war and what it does to technology. Someone will parrot that it makes it go much faster. Yes, it makes practical applications of technology go much faster. It also utterly stops all research on the scientific theories behind those technologies. This means that when war chugs along for a decade or two things get done. It means when it goes on too long you run out of theories to turn into technologies, and then you run out of technologies to apply. You stagnate. When you have been fighting in a war for survival in a drastically overextended empire, this is what happens. You are desperate for any extra materiel that can possibly be produced. Half your entire fucking military might went rogue, smashed the half that stayed and a whole swathe of the logistical side of your society, leaving you with the tattered shreds of a war machine to keep hold of an empire that was reaching straining point with an army far larger. There is no time for the sort of applied research programs that took Man twenty five thousand years to develop, in a time of unprecedented growth and prosperity.

''This is also why the Adeptus Mechanicus insists on cargo cultism. It's because when you are dealing with things you barely understand because everything you knew about them was destroyed it is the safest and most reliable option. The rituals do not exists for mysticism, they exist because they are the most practical means of building, repairing and maintaining the equipment they have with the knowledge surviving. You don't understand why pressing that button makes it go, because the manual tried to take over your brain and the copies are all unreadable and the research base that would let you reverse-engineer it does not exist and cannot be built.

''Why are the Tau doing so well with their technology? Because they had peace. Eight thousand years unmolested by any enemy and they were helped the entire time by the most advanced biological race in the galaxy. Give the Imperium eight thousand years of peace and I can guarantee you it will be harder than it was during the Great Crusade.

''Since some still don't get the idea, try this:

''Build a library, fill it with all human knowledge. You take it elsewhere when you need a book from it, but the book is only a simplified copy. You don't understand the real book, and you don't need to. Nobody takes the real books anywhere because why would you, when there's a whole library there?

''Now that library goes rogue and the maintenance machinery starts killing everyone any-fucking-where near it. Where the fuck did they all come from, you swear to god there weren't this many, and there weren't because they're using the library's information to fight their war. The government fights a battle that destroys the planet against these robots and tears apart the library to stop them using it, only to be destroyed in the process. The library is leveled, cast into flames, every book burned and every computer virus-laden.

''Then comes a man who worked there. He talks to the few surviving library workers, assembles their information, and starts rebuilding a city around the library and expanding it as the librarians find little scraps of paper and fragmented bits of files that stuck together just right read something. They rebuild a library from scrap on the ashes of the old. It isn't a shadow on the glory of the old, but it is all they have.

''Then the city turns on itself, kills its master, and the librarians turn to rage. Half of them kill the other half and destroy the remnants of the library because where they're going they won't need science. Everything burns, and the city is left to a scattered few survivors, walls open to the world, with the hungry predators circling.

''The Adeptus Mechanicus is the sole surviving librarian, desperately scrabbling through the ashes of paper and splinters of hard drives for anything to help him and the city he needs to survive just a second longer.

''The Imperium isn't grim because things suck by choice and could be fine if a sensible person came along. That sensible person wouldn't survive fifty seconds of the reality. The Imperium is grim because every single shit decision, every single sacrifice, every single death, every single man woman and child suffering a shit life in the worst conditions imaginable, is the absolute best that can be done. It is a study of the worst happening to everyone and what part of your humanity must be sacrificed today just to stand a chance of survival, and all it asks is whether or not it would have perhaps been better to die."'' --Baron von Evilsatan

==The Religion of the Adeptus Mechanicus==

(Forgive OP's bellicose statement, but the fluff and novels pertaining to the AdMech are rather obscure to whether or not they truly understand what they talk about.)

Begin Rant/file exc.//>>

''Children, I'm fucking fed up with your shit. Cult Mechanicus IS NOT a replacement of rational thought with religion for the sake of operating machines.It's a (in-universe) developed philosophy of collective rationalism. AdMechs don't throw their critical thinking out of the window. They just already took this thinking, put it on a pedestal, brought it to it's apex (Dark Age), suffered for it, suffered for it again (HorusHeresy, Schism of Mars), then looked at it and asked : "What do we do now?" Every Mechanicum is a rationalist, in a meaning that when he goes through all the critical thinking to the basic reason of his existence, he takes on the dogma of Quest for Knowledge. That he exists to Rationalize the Universe, move towards learning and understanding the Universe and it's laws. It's also a collective quest - adept doesn't seek knowledge just for himself, he sees all the Adeptus Mechanicus as one single huge Gnostical Engine, a Machine of Comprehension designed to learn. He's just a single little gear in the heart of enormous Over-Intellect gathering and producing knowledge.

''For what sake? AdMechs thought a lot about this question, and took one answer.

''For the sake of Mankind.

''Now THIS is where shit gets religious.

''As of it now, humanity utilizes science for egoistical purposes of survival (scientists need something to eat) and/or domination, which can be understood by every human through his instincts. Society of Mars, however, got devoid of this motivators, as they dropped their human instincts, so they had to find new goals. This is where the Schism takes roots, as well as the "Cult" part. Every rational human can tell you that objectively life has no meaning. Accepting that fact is what brought the galaxy Necrons and Iron Men. AdMechs knew that this is what they wish to avoid. And the most effective way to avoid that is to walk the irrational way and put a sense for your existence through Faith.

''This is what they did.

''They are the fanatics in the sense that they BELIEVE that Universe CAN be comprehended, while they have 0 proof of that. They BELIEVE that critical thinking works, while living in a Galaxy that laughs at any attempts of rationalization. They BELIEVE that Quest for Knowledge can be completed. And it this faith, they are being paradoxical and irrational. And they know it. Lets have a look at Universal Laws, that Mechanicum use as the foundation of their philosophy.

''The Mysteries

''01. Life is directed motion.

''This gives a definition to "life", as existence of individual. A definition that basically says "Only that thing which irrationally takes a (faith) direction for it's way can be called a Living Thing".

''02. The spirit is the spark of life.

''Here they recognize the illogical existence of Souls and Warp, and their defining roles in being representation of one's beliefs.

''03. Sentience is the ability to learn the value of knowledge.

''04. Intellect is the understanding of knowledge.

''05. Sentience is the basest form of Intellect.

''Here they define ability for rational thinking.

''06. Understanding is the True Path to Comprehension.

''07. Comprehension is the key to all things.

''And HERE they put this thinking as their Way to exist.

''08. The Omnissiah knows all, comprehends all.

''And establish an ideal, to which they are heading. --Anon

End Rant/file//>>

Another Magos adds:
There's definitely variation in the creed between forgeworlds and different cults-- even post Heresy, Mars is not unified-- but a lot of them operate on this sort of platonic/hermeticist logic.
Regardless of whether they believe all knowledge already exists or that the disciplined mind can create new things, the religion is trying for union with some perfect being. Whether that's taken to mean "become a robot because the flesh is weak", "find salvation in logic", or even "cultivate the Omnissiah within you" (which would lead to radical differences in practice, from penitent cyberization cults to contemplative engineering orders, which we see in the many faces of the Mechanicum, Koriel Zeth, Forgeworld Mezoa, the Myrmidon Orders, etc), it all leads back to a cautious quest to be the best you can be with logic as your guide.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
image:Adeptus_Mechanicus.jpg
Image:TechpriestChiyo.jpg|D'awwww.
Image:Mechanicuuuuus.jpg
Image:AdMech_Couple.jpg|D'awwww. By the way this is canon.
Image:CircleA_AdMech.jpg|PRAISE THE OMNISSIAH!
Image:rave_heretek_by_psykerscum.jpg|Someone got Chaos on my Mechanicus, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbAUwi4D3Ew now with theme music!]
image:1318818198286.gif.jpg|We're not sure if that's tech-heresy or an actual activation ritual. Ask your local Magos for clarification.
Image:Leokadia chernabog by mr culexus-d3hxqx2.jpg|showin' a little augmented leg
Image:AdMech Scientific Method.jpg|Science in the 41st Millennium.

</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Cult_Mechanicus(7E)|Mechanicus Tactics.]] - [[Awesome|Yes, they have rules now.]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Skitarii (7E)|Skitarii Tactics.]] - For the Tech-Guard soldiers of the Mechanicus
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Mechanicum_(30k)|Heresy Era Mechanicum Tactics.]] - 6th/early 7th edition rules. Very different from either of the 40k versions.
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Mechanicum:_Taghmata_(30k)|Mechanicum: Taghmata (30k)]] - Current 7th edition rules. Still very different to the 40k versions.

{{Template:Mechanicus}}
{{Template:Imperium}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Adeptus Mechanicus]]

Ecclesiarchy

2016-11-07T04:33:34Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Organisation */

"''Hence Theocracy is the worst of all governments. If we must have a tyrant, a robber baron is far better than an inquisitor. The baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity at some point may be sated; and since he dimly knows he is doing wrong he may possibly repent. But the inquisitor who mistakes his own cruelty and lust of power and fear for the voice of Heaven will torment us infinitely more because he torments us with the approval of his own conscience and his better impulses appear to him as temptations.''"

-[[C. S. Lewis]]

The Adeptus Ministorum, or '''Ecclesiarchy''', is the state church of the [[Imperium of Man]] and works with the [[Inquisition]], making it ''the'' group which defines [[heresy]].

[[File:Cathedral.jpg|right|thumb|500px|The Imperium spares no expense on its houses of worship, unfortunately we can't say the same about civilian accommodations...]]

When the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor of Mankind]] began setting up the Imperium, he began instituting the [[Imperial Truth]], which basically said "there are no gods and we're doing science and reason now". Yet even during the Great Crusade people began worshiping the Emperor as a "God-Emperor", including his own son [[Lorgar]], who wrote the Lectitio Divinatus. Which, ironically, proved effective at causing pain to demons when lines from it were spoken to them. Suitably embarrassed, the Emperor politely informed Lorgar to stop the bullshit. By having the [[Ultramarines]] destroy a city the [[Word Bearers]] set up and then forcing Lorgar to bow down to Himself, [[Malcador the Sigillite]], and [[Roboute Guilliman]] in front of his legion. In an unfathomable and completely-impossible-to-predict act of [[Heresy]], this would lead to Lorgar worshiping the [[Chaos Gods]] and starting the [[Horus Heresy]].

==Age of Apostasy==

{{Main|Age of Apostasy}}

After the Emprah was hooked up to the Golden Throne, a "Cult of the Savior Emperor" (more often referred to as the "Imperial Cult", since every Imperial's a member) was set up and eventually became the state religion as the Adeptus Ministorum, declaring the Emperor's very own Imperial Truth as Heresy. Well, more like claiming that the Emperor was trying to protect them through encouraging their ignorance of daemons. After all, declaring the Emperor's laws to be heresy would ''not'' go over well with the Astartes and Custodes.

The Ecclesiarch, the head of the Ministorum, eventually got on the [[High Lords of Terra]], eventually supplanting the Master of the [[Administratum]] ''(the guy who actually runs the government)'' as head of the Council.

After that, the Ecclesiarchy started becoming what every powerful group does: more interested in its own power than the people they're supposed to be ministering, and public funds and taxes ended up funneling their way into the church, religious officials were making decisions on national policy and the like, since the Ecclesiarchy figured that the church and the state should be pretty much the same thing. The Ecclesiarchy also had a standing army called the '''Frateris Templar''' which stood apart from the [[Imperial Guard]], but was presumably bad-ass considering how wealthy the church was at the time.

=== Reign of Blood ===
Things took a major turn for the worse when '''[[Goge Vandire]]''', the Master of the Administratum, became Ecclesiarch at the same time, making himself the single most powerful person in the Imperium and started the Reign of Blood. Even by 40k standards this guy was nutters: He convinced an all-female sect called the "Daughters of the Emperor" to rename themselves the "Brides of the Emperor" and become his bodyguards, they were also give the ''"finest weapons and armour"'' that the Administratum and the Ecclesiarchy could provide, which probably meant they were far better equipped than the later Sisters of Battle ever were.

He also instituted big brother policies of having [[Servo-skull]]s on every street corner listening for sedition, and engaged in mass executions/pillaging for the lulz, such as virus bombing planets, enslaving all female civilians of certain planets below the age of 12, melting polar ice caps etc, all the while claiming that he heard the voice of the Emperor himself.

A "rogue" preacher named [[Sebastian Thor]] and his "heretical" sect (the '''Confederation of Light'''), supported by a couple Space Marine Chapters and the Adeptus Mechanicus, went "fuck this" and invaded Terra to remove Vandire from the throne (so to speak). To the surprise of all present (except the Brides/Daughters), the defenders not only held off the invaders, but actually managed to give them a real beating. Before things got out of hand, the Adeptus Custodes took the leader of the Daughters to the Golden Throne to have a chat with the Emperor. She got insanely pissed off by something that happened there and cut off Vandire's head.

===Thorian Reformation===

Afterwards, Thor didn't actually sit still and started travelling the Imperium to put things back together again and preaching the Emperor's good name. Once Terra had recovered, they had only one person in mind for the job of Ecclesiarch: Thor, but he refused to come back until the Imperium [[What|declared him a traitor]] and sent an army to collect him.

Back at the Imperial Palace, the Captain of the Custodes took him aside for a quiet word, and told him that he should either take the job or end up [[Blam|vanished]]. Thus, as the newly appointed Ecclesiarch, Thor started the Thorian Reformation, in which the Temple of the Saviour Emperor was supplanted by Thor's Confederation of Light. The Ecclesiarchy was stripped of all military power and the '''Frateris Templar''' had their funding cut and were reduced to the '''Frateris Militia''' which were not allowed to be paid or trained under the Ecclesiarchy's budget, but, fortunately for them, since they were specifically banned from keeping "''men'' under arms", they [[Rules lawyers|reformed]] the Daughters into the [[Sisters of Battle|Battle Sisters]] of the Adepta Sororitas.

The [[Inquisition]] also set up the [[Witchhunters|Ordo Hereticus]] to make sure no one deviated from these new rules. The reformed Ecclesiarchy is only slightly less corrupt and divorced from reality as it was before, but now they feel guilty and beat themselves (and, unfortunately, everyone they minister to, which means every subjects of the Imperium) up about it! Occasionally, they even try (and fail) to fix it!

==Temple Tendency==

{{Main|Temple Tendency}}

Sadly, some people are still ''particularly'' abusive, and these people are accused of having a "temple tendency." Additionally, there's an ''actual'' heretic group called the Temple Tendency. They believe the Confederation of Light are the ''real'' traitors and (secretly) preach their creed in the hopes of turning back the clock. They employ preachers known as Vandiran Apostates, or Shade Priests, which is a much cooler name than "Confessor."

==Organisation==

At the top of the organisation is the Ecclesiarch himself, who is essentially the '''Space Pope''' and the equal-second (after the Master of the [[Administratum]] and along with the Fabricator-General of [[Mars]]) most influential individual in the entire Imperium.

Beneath him are the '''Cardinals''' of the '''Holy Synod'''. Although there are Cardinals all over the Imperium, each ruling their own Diocese ''(which is the religious equivalent to a '''sector''' in terms of size, but not organised the same way)'' the Holy Synod of Terra has a conclave of Cardinals who assist the Ecclesiarch in making religious decisions. Also, occasionally one of the members of the Holy Synod gets a seat on the [[High Lords of Terra]], which is essentially giving the Ecclesiarchy more influence in Imperial affairs (particularly if the Abbess of the Adepta Sororitas gets a seat at the same time)

Beneath the Cardinals it moves downwards through the varying ranks of preachers, clerics, bishops, vicars, abbots, ministers, confessors all the way down to the the guys who light candles at shrines.

Aside from everyday priesthood there are a number of spin-off organisations that operate under the auspices of the Ecclesiarchy in one way or another.

===Adepta Sororitas===
{{Main|Sisters of Battle}}

While the sisters of battle represent the military might of the Ecclesiarchy the other orders of the sororitas also play highly influential roles for the church.

The '''Order Dialogus''' keeps the records and curates the relics of the Ecclesiarchy and are some of the most well educated and respected people in the entire Imperium when it comes to researching histories, languages or customs.

While the '''Schola Progenium''' trains generations of orphans to become "ideal" Imperial citizens, the '''Order Famulous''' get the job of "attending" the next generation of the Imperial elite. Teaching and educating key figures in Imperial nobility, these individuals grow up to be some of the most devout followers of the Imperial Creed and inevitably strong supporters of the Ecclesiarchy.

===Schola Progenium===
{{Main|Schola Progenium}}

===Frateris Militia===
While the military might of the Ecclesiarchy was heavily curtailed by the '''Decree Passive''' that hasn't actually stopped them from summoning huge amounts of manpower when they need to.

All a cardinal needs to do is point somewhere and say the word: "Crusade" and inevitably people will show up voluntarily in their millions. Most of them untrained and ill-equipped. But when it comes to manpower, the Ecclesiarchy can usually rely upon numbers to rival that of the [[Imperial Guard]].

[[Games Workshop]] used to actually have rules for the Frateris Militia waaaay back in the 2nd edition Sisters of Battle Codex, but they vanished inexplicably, reappeared briefly as a Troops choice for Codex: Witchhunters in a White Dwarf trial rules article under the name "Zealots" which could equally have represented [[Redemptionist]]s as well as the Frateris.

They haven't been forgotten about though, and FFG published rules for playing one in [[Dark Heresy]], which is a decent way of giving more non-combat oriented careers the basic training in weapons and a few combat talents far earlier than they could have otherwise obtained.

===Crusader Houses===
{{Main|Crusaders}}
A breach of the '''Decree Passive''', Crusaders are professionally trained warrior-monks, equipped with specialist wargear.

[[Crusaders]] are trained in secretive warrior-lodges that are not directly associated with the Ecclesiarchy at all. According to the Codex: Adepta Sororitas the Crusaders associated with the Ministorum are recruited from the "Guard of the Cardinals Crimson". However, this may be a front, as many Crusader Houses are sponsored by the [[Inquisition]], though it is uncertain if the Ecclesiarchy itself actually knows about that. For its part, the [[Inquisition]] deliberately allows the Ecclesiarchy to possess Crusaders in small numbers - there are all manner of uses for having a provable crime always ready to hand that the Ecclesiarchy is guilty of.

Membership is by invitation-only, chosen from those who will make ideal hand-to-hand warriors. Within the house they are deeply immersed in the Imperial Creed and are trained to be perfect bodyguards, putting the well-being of their holy charges ahead of themselves.

===Battle Conclave===
{{Main|Ecclesiarchy Battle Conclave}}
Whenever a traveling priest (or sometimes an Inquisitor) wants a little more protection, they can form up an [[Ecclesiarchy Battle Conclave]]. Because they can't have too many men due to the Decree passive, many opt instead to go with the scariest, most righteously out-of-their-mind fanatics they can find. Mostly formed from [[Arco-flagellant]]s, Crusaders, and [[Death Cult Assassin]]s, this terrifying force would make anyone think twice about fucking with him.

===Missionarius Galaxia===
Not all of the priests tend shrines or preach at mass. One of the most well known functions of the Ecclesiarchy is bringing religion to the heathen humans beyond the territories of the Imperium.

Most of the missionaries accompany the Imperial Guard as they expand outwards, conquering or reconquering worlds, making certain that those who rebuild afterwards become loyal subjects of the Imperium.

Some Missionaries take it a bit further and don't even travel with Imperial Guard regiments, instead preferring to travel alone to hostile human worlds and bringing the light of the Emperor to them in more peaceful ways. These '''Torchbearers''' are expert survivalists and considerably more resilient than normal Ministorum Priests, having to live and prosper without any back-up at all.

===Confessors & Witch Finders===
Like the [[Inquisition]], the Ecclesiarchy concerns itself with rooting out heresy and apostasy. Unfortunately for the Ecclesiarchy it is not officially sanctioned to do so by the Imperium. However that has not stopped the ministorum from trying.

'''Confessors''' are loud, bombastic and charismatic priests of the Imperial Cult, but are not given specific duties like most members of the priesthood. Instead they are given carte blanche to travel freely from settlement to settlement and "cleanse" them of their sins. Typically by performing rousing soapbox rants about how wicked thoughts make the <s>baby Jesus</s> EMPEROR cry. So people are encouraged to come forward to confess their sins to the confessor where he can decide an appropriate penance for them to clear their consciences. Confessors can be like the 40k equivalent of celebrities, and there is often great anticipation of their arrival in town, and big crowds show up to hear them preach (and probably hear their neighbours salacious confessions too). Sometimes people don't want (or have sins) to confess, so the confessor has to take it a [[RIP AND TEAR|little bit further]] to coax the individual to think hard about their crimes. Usually to the point of the penance afterwards being more merciful than the coaxing itself.

'''Witch Finders''' fulfill much the same function, except are far more pro-active in "finding" sinners but are not necessarily required to be ordained priests, and many of whom are actually [[Inquisitor]]s-in-training. Results can vary in their effectiveness in finding heretics though, since they usually take a religious approach to determining the guilty rather than an investigative approach like normal "sane" people. Some examples of this crazy manner of determining guilt is to lock a suspect in an airlock and evacuate the air for an hour, Or to bury a suspect to his neck in sand and sew their mouth shut and leave them for a week... if they survive then they are deemed a witch and must be incinerated. While this is logically true, since if they survive they MUST be supernatural, it doesn't seem very hopeful for the innocent now does it? At least the Inquisition-proper occasionally gives you some intelligent form of investigation, even if you still die for being innocent.

{{Template:Imperium}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]]

Legio Cybernetica

2016-11-06T20:38:26Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Vultarax stratos-automata */

[[File:Castellan_class_robots_painted.jpg|thumb|right|FW models for the Castellan class Robot]]
[[File:Thanatar9.jpg|thumb|left|The Robotic Matryoshka Dolls.]]
The '''Legio Cybernetica''' were a part of 40K's first and second editions, before the escalation of [[grimdark]] in 3rd Edition made tech-heresy a thing (also, their rules required essentially mapping out their actual programming with logic gates). Armies of these thinking war-robots have been fighting alongside the Marines and the Army since the Great Crusade, but without direct command and programming were completely useless.

Some of these robots were rewarded for their service by being made honorary members of the Legions they served with. Incarnadine, a Cybernetica robot was even called "brother" by fellow Word Bearers and started develop glitches in it's system that hinted on it evolving a <s>conscience</s> [[Daemon]]. During the [[Horus Heresy]], [[Horus]] swayed Kelbor-Hal, the Fabricator-General of [[Mars]] (and therefore the ultimate commander of Mechanicum forces) over to his side along with nearly the entire Legio Cybernetica. When the [[Emperor]] won his Pyrrhic battle against Horus, the surviving [[Dark Mechanicus|traitor Mechanicum]] forces fled to the [[Eye of Terror]], where they presumably hide to the 'present day' of the 41st millennium. Some cohorts of the Legio Cybernetica remained loyal to the Imperium, but their numbers were minimal, and they were forced to swear binding oaths more terrible than the Space Marines. Yet as of 41st Millenium, the Tech-Priests of the Legio have regained their former glory and (most) of the lost trust.

While thrown out the proverbial airlock since 3rd edition, the Legio Cybernetica have made a comeback in the [[Forge World]]'s ''Horus Heresy'' series (and in Lords of Mars) and in regular 40k! Seriously, look at their store!

==Robot types==

==='''Castellan-class robot'''===
[[File:CastellaxBA.jpg|150px|right|thumb|A <s>Castellan</s> <s>Kastelan</s> Castellax robot.]]
An assault robot designed for anti-tank and siege work. The Castellan is an assault Robot useful for a wide range of battlefield roles. Its twin power fists and heavy bolter give it a dangerous punch, protected by a power field/synchroniser unit. It can substitute its heavy bolter for a lascannon, melta gun or third power fist, while the standard fists can be replaced with a Siege Hammer, autocannons and flamer.
*In Heresy-era 30k and first to get a Forgeworld model, but for some reason called the '''Castellax''', mounting a Mauler-pattern Bolt Cannon on the shoulder which can be replaced with a multi-melta or a Darkfire Cannon (essentially a somewhat weaker Lascannon that blinds enemies that it hits) and coming with a choice of hand weapons.
*In 40k we have the '''Kastelan''' which superficially looks similar to the Castellax, being a somewhat rounded, robotic, monstrous creature type with a shoulder mounted weapon and a pair of power fists that can be replaced with twin-linked phosphor blasters. Though these ones can replace the fists for moar guns. Unlike the 30k version they are less autonomous and operate under "Battle Protocols" which are determined by a specialist tech-priest called Datasmith, but if the priest ever goes missing then the robots just follow the most recent protocol issued to them, which can cause them to stand still and shoot, or to forget they have guns.

==='''Scyllax-class robot'''===
[[File:Scyllax.jpg|130px|left|thumb|The Scyllax robot.]]
A robot prized far beyond the servo-automata form which they were developed using ancient secrets uncovered during the Great Crusade, the Scyllax acts as both an elite shock troops or the bodyguards of Magos overseers. Though there are some factions within the Adeptus Mechanicus who will have no truck with the Scyllax, claiming sinister provenance for its design, and that the automata gain a subtle and dangerous self-awareness over time.

Their armoured carapaces, as durable as Adeptus Astartes battle plate and they have been adapted with a wide variety of mechadendrites and servo-arms for dissecting living matter as well as a range weapon such as a Bolter. An interesting thing about the Scyllax is that these robots were neither true Battle Automata due to their absence of a cybernetica-cortex nor could they be classified as a Servitor due to having nearly no organic components. They look and slither around like mechanical snakes; essentially the Mechanicum version of a [[Necron]] [[Canoptek Wraith]].

==='''Cataphract-class robot'''===
[[File:Cataphracts.jpg|160px|right|thumb|The general purpose Cataphracts.]]
A general purpose combat robot, popular for its resilience and adaptability. The Cataphract-class robot is a heavily-armoured general-purpose battle robot designed for use in almost all combat environments and situations.

This versatility in a wide range of battlefield roles makes this war engine a highly-deployable and popular machine among the Legio Cybernetica's cohorts. Cataphracts are armed with a lascannon, boltgun and flamer and protected by a power field/synchroniser unit. Its versatility makes it popular Robot to deploy, although some commanders regard it as a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none. It can substitute its weapons for an autocannon, Siege Hammer, heavy bolter and power fist.

==='''Colossus-class robot'''===
[[File:ColossusConversionRobot.jpg|150px|left|thumb|A Colossus conversion.]]
[[/co/|HULK SMASH!: The Robot.]] A siege robot given a Siege-hammer for smashing down walls, though it is equally useful squashing opponents. Other armaments include a boltgun and melta gun. Protected by a power field/synchroniser unit, its weaponry can be replaced with autocannons, heavy bolters, and power fists, allowing for a number of combinations.

The Colossus is often employed by the Imperial Guard as a cheap alternative to the use of heavy artillery. A few Colossus-class robots are maintained by the Ordo Reductor of the Adeptus Mechanicus, mainly for testing new and experimental siege weaponry.

==='''Conqueror-class robot'''===
[[File:Domitar.jpg|140px|right|thumb|The Domitar robots.]]
An anti-vehicle robot, which specializes in taking down armored vehicles and [[Dreadnought]] analogs. Conquerors are protected by heavy armour and a power field/synchorniser unit, as mentioned the Conqueror is particularly adept at taking out armoured vehicles and Dreadnoughts. Standard armament is a heavy bolter, autocannon and power fist, which can be swapped for lascannons, flamers, melta guns and bolter, as well as doubling up on any one. Now also with no less than two FW versions (for some reason called the Domitar and Arlatax respectively), the former has twin gravitational hammers for smashing shit, while the latter is a Robot with a Jump Pack.
* The '''Domitar''' can be called as a more advanced and larger version of the Castellan, the Domitar was also swifter, designed to cross the open battlefield at blistering speeds. Other than its sheer bulk which in itself a weapon, the Domitar is armed with gravitational hammers that can crush tanks and dreadnoughts into smaller [[METAL BAWKSES|METHUL BAWKS]] and a missile launcher if it can't get close enough. It was the last type of war robot to enter Mechanicum production before the [[Horus Heresy]], the Domitar was a variant of the sophisticated ancient Conqueror Class Robot. A variant of the Domitar-Class Robot, the Domitar-Ferrum class, was used by [[Perturabo|Ol'Pert]] in his infamous [[Troll|trolling]] known as the Iron Circle.

==='''Crusader-class robot'''===
[[File:AM-Vorax8.jpg|160px|left|thumb|<s>The Preying Mantis</s> Vorax automatas ready to harvest.]]
An anti-personnel robot, Crusaders are fast on their feet (servos?) and can easily take down multiple opponents. It's basically the Flash with power swords in place of arms. Scary. It also has a chassis-mounted Lascannon for making new doors so it can slaughter a building's occupants. The latest to get rules from FW (for some reason called the Vorax), with a Lightning Gun in place of the Lascannon and arm mounted Rotor Cannons.
*The '''Vorax''' is a hunter-killer robot descended from the aforementioned Crusader that, like the Crusader beforehand looks more like an insect more than anything else. Created on pre-Imperial Mars to search and destroy Mutants and rogue machines, their cybernetica cortex engrams are known to be particularly predatory and vicious examples of their kind. Such are the vicious instincts inherent in their programming that they are wired with numerous override cantos to prevent these tireless hunting machines from devolving into renegades. They fulfill the roles both of search and destroy weapon and exterminator of rogue machines and mutants. Armed with a pair of rotor cannon and a lightning gun for range combat and power blades for CQC. At times they are also dispatched by their masters to conduct a cull of surplus population during famine or plague, their hunts only ending when their masters orders. [[Eldrad|What dicks they are.]] As such they are held in superstitious dread by the human indentured laborers of the Mechanicum's worlds.

==='''Thanatar-class robot'''===
[[File:ThanatarRobot.jpg|150px|right|thumb|The Thanatar. For when you need the Biggest Robot in the room.]]
A giant monstrous walking engine of death, the Thanatar is the size of an Tau Riptide, and comes with a twin linked Bolt Cannon, a massive Hellex Plasma Mortar or Sollex-pattern heavy Lascannon as well as a Graviton Ram and twin-lined Mauler Bolt Cannon. The Thanatar's frame, built to accommodate the huge weapon and its power system, is considerably larger than even the bulking Castellax. Its frame is also heavily reinforced, both to withstand the recoil of firing its weapons and protect it from incoming attacks. Its armor makes it essentially impervious to small arms attacks no matter how advanced. Due to the enormous power required to power its colossal weapons, the Thanatar was considerably larger than other Battle-Automata. Unlike many of the models produced for the Legio Cybernetica, the origins of the Thanatar pattern robot remain unclear. Save that its Hellex Plasma Mortar is only produced on the Forge World of Ryza. There are two variants of the Thanator.
*The first is the '''Thanatar-Cynis Class''' which was a variant of the standard Thanatar-Calix class designed by the Forge World of Estaban III with an attempt to increase their power and standing within the greater Mechanicum. However due to their competition with Ryza, Estaban III was unable to acquire their plasma technology, resulting in the Cynis pattern of Thanatar being more prone to [[Fail|self-destruction]] despite its fierce power.
*The second is the '''Thanatar-Calix Class'''. The Calix-Class was a variant of the standard Thanatar design developed during the later part of the Great Crusade. Rumored to have been developed by the Sollex Myrmidon and Omega-Shevar covenants of the Ordo Reductor alongside the Legio Cybernetica, this design combines deadly tech-arcana from all three factions into a single deadly weapon. Calix Class Thanatar's are geared towards the vanguard of siege assault warfare, able to sunder the strongest fortifications and conduct targeted strikes to neutralize defensive hardpoints. Its primary weapon was its Sollex Heavy Lascannon, and so precious were these engines that in the rare cases they were deployed many other lesser battle-automata were fielded to protect them.

==='''Vultarax stratos-automata'''===
[[File:Vultarax.jpg|150px|left|thumb|The Vultarax. No, we aren't related to Papa Nurgle, we swear on our metallic appendages.]]
The Vultarax is the only confirmed flying robot within the Legio Cybernatica. You may ask yourself, "Hey wait on the vox for a minute. [[Pretend|They look suspiciously familiar...]] Where have I seen these before?". Well, the answer is that they are essentially the [[Original character, do not steal|AdMech's ripp-off of]] [[Nurgle|Nurgle's]] [[Blight Drone|Blight Drones]]. [[Extra Heresy|Why the Mechanicum wanted to have anything <s>relating to</s> inspired by the Plague Father of all things is a relative mystery.]] But seriously, the Vultarax is possibly the least imaginative design that GeeDubs had pulled out of their collective asses in recent memory. They're not even trying to be subtle at all. Fucking blatant man. On the other hand, considering these are 30k designs, it might be the other way around, that the Dark Mechanicum nicked the designs and made them into Blight Drones.

Anyways, the Vultarax was by far the most common Stratos-automata in widespread use by the Mechanicum at the outbreak of the wars of the [[Horus Heresy]]. A robust, multi-role war engine, heavily armed and fitted with sophisticated sensory gear and able to operate in diverse and hostile environments, it proved itself a keystone of Mechanicum Explorator Expedition forces both as an armed, high mobility scout and as a hunter-killer and rapid response unit in open battle.

The Vultarax Stratos-automata is a Flying Monstrous Creature armed with a Vultarax arc blaster, a versatile weapon capable of burning out the cogitators and engines of enemy vehicles, and two Setheno pattern havoc launchers, long ranged missile systems designed to wipe out infantry units, even in heavy cover. These armaments alongside it's impressive armour, flare shield and enhanced targeting array, make the Vultarax Stratos-automata a formidable force on the battlefield.

== See also: ==
* http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Legio_Cybernetica - Lexicanum's article on the Legio Cybernetica.
* http://warhammer40k.wikia.com/wiki/Legio_Cybernetica - The 40K Wikia's article on the Legio Cybernetica.
* http://www.angelfire.com/mech/ironclad/ArapRobots.pdf - rOOOLES
* http://solegends.com/citrt/rt108robots.htm Pictures
* http://mordian7th.blogspot.com/2011/05/adeptus-mechanicus-legio-cybernetica.html Newly painted.
* http://www.scribd.com/doc/221368614/White-Dwarf-104-UK-August-1988 White Dorf 1Oh4 with Squats! Trike! Robots! Weird pictures of treeman!
* http://www.scribd.com/doc/67798052/White-Dwarf-104 Backup

{{Template:Mechanicus}}
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Adeptus Mechanicus]]

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

2016-11-06T20:02:51Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Ripple */

[[File:Jojo Logo.png|300px|thumb|right|English logo for Jojo's Bizarre Adventure.]]
{{NeedsImages}}
{{Spoilers}}
{{WTF}}
{{Cleanup}}

If there is one thing you should know about Jojo's Bizarre Adventure before you delve into it, it should be this one thing:

It's dumb. ''It's so fucking dumb... And yet it works.''

While the the story varies wildly based on the arc, it has a basic synopsis. It covers the multi-generational (and eventually multiversial) heroism of the Joestar family, who are constantly getting involved in all sorts of weird shit that results in epic, crazy, surprisingly clever fights and super-manly scenes. The title comes because each generation's Joestar has a name starting with "JO", resulting in the familial nickname of "JoJo". Although technically you can just pick up any saga at random, it's slightly easier to follow along if you read from the beginning. ''Slightly''.

Starting in 1987 by manga artist Hirohiko Araki, Jojo has had an influence on not only Japanese anime and manga but internet culture as a whole. List a common anime trope, chances are that Jojo is either the originator or made that theme very famous. Cheering sidekicks, multiple chapter battles, attacks that defy every conventional belief you can dream of, ''flamboyant poses,'' you name it.

Its most well-known incarnation is probably Stardust Crusaders, mostly for how iconic Jotaro and Dio were as well as the popularity from the OVA and fighting game.

There's also a 4chan banner based on the comic. ("Your next line will be 'I was just pretending to be retarded!'" "I was just pretending to be retarded! ''?!'' He...he captured...my favorite trick!")

==JoJo and /tg/==
[[File:Pillarstodes.jpg|thumb|right|Wamuudes, Custodisi, and Karstodes; the personal guardians to the Emperor of Mankind.]]
JoJo is one of three anime/manga that /tg/ will openly admit they like, the other two being [[Berserk]] and [[Fist of the North Star]]. Hell, the early art style of JoJo is heavily inspired by FotNS, even Jonathan's outfit being very similar to Kenshiro's. Like the two aforementioned manga, JoJo is considered the to be an extremely manly series, with a predominantly male cast and the protagonists usually kicking ass to get to their objective without much thinking. However, at the same time it is flamboyantly gay, with many male characters being shirtless or wearing revealing clothing and striking strange/fabulous poses, making its relationship with /tg/ somewhat confusing and [[skub|conflicted]] considering that /tg/ usually shies away from most stuff that is homosexual. One could say it's because it's like a breath of fresh air how silly it is, or the end goal of each arc is ultimately pretty simple; protagonist has to beat the shit out of and/or kill the big bad, end of story. The tone of any arc can change in an instant, becoming dumb and happy to dire and [[grimdark]] within a couple chapters. It's also because the action is often to awesome that fa/tg/uys turn a blind eye to the gay stuff. Or we just love it that way, since that's mostly what made JoJo popular in the first place. Plus Araki puts ''scads'' of references to classic rock and metal into Jojo, so that helps too.

We've had several Quest threads on /tg/ that relate to JoJo, the most popular being the multi-part [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=JoJo%20Guardsman%20Quest| Guardsman's Bizarre Adventure]. We also have Super Stand Sunday, when /tg/ comes together and makes their own Stand every (you guessed it) Sunday.

The /tg/ interpretation of the [[Eversor]] Assassin is pretty much Dio Brando, down to him striking his trademark pose and crying "WRYYYY" before proceeding to cut up whatever enemy is in his way. But probably the most popular /tg/-JoJo relation, however, comes in the form of the YouTuber Bruva Alfabusa's "[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]]" series, where he makes several references to JoJo throughout the series. The most popular reference is definitely the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9w_uoUHgiE| Pillarstodes]; Adeptus Custodes based on the Pillar Men from Battle Tendency. This actually isn't that far off the mark since there is in fact official (albeit old) art of shirtless Custodes. Still, the Pillarstodes are quite flamboyant and hedonistic, but nonetheless they're also kickass.

Of course, there's also a RPG based off of JoJo, [https://desu-usergeneratedcontent.xyz/tg/image/1444/25/1444251939283.pdf here.]

It wouldn't be surprising if Hirohiko Araki himself was a fa/tg/uy himself. He's mentioned in some lectures and interviews that he decided to create an RPG/board game-style system for JoJo where characters travel to different places to fight enemies, as seen in Stardust Crusaders and onward.

==Generation Sagas==
===Part 1: Phantom Blood===
[[File:Phantom Blood.jpeg||thumb|right|150px|''Phantom Blood'' cover]]
Here's where it all begins. And aside the looks and clothes of some of the characters, this is the less "gayish" arc of all. A Victorian Aristocrat in the 1880s named George Joestar is the only survivor of a horrible carriage crash. Mistaking the depraved scavenger Dario Brando as a Good Samaritan who tried to help him, he offers the Cockney lowlife a favor, to be called in whenever Dario wishes. Eventually, Dario dies, but sends his son - the ruthlessly ambitious, amoral and driven Dio Brando - to live at the Joestars, calling in his favor to get George to adopt the lad. This leads to much suffering for George's actual son, the goodhearted - if rather dimwitted - Jonathan Joestar, as Dio wants JoJo's place and starts to bully him horribly. Even ''burning his fucking dog alive'' just to get back at him! This all comes to a boil when it turns out he's poisoning George, a confrontation that leads to him using a mysterious stone mask to become a vampire. So, with the aid of mysterious vampire-killing martial artist, Baron Zeppelli, Jonathon masters the art of Ripple/Hamon, a mystical breath-controlled martial art that wields energy anathema to vampires. Jonathon eventually decapitates Dio, and all is well, right? ...Wrong! Whilst Jonathon is on his honeymoon, Dio's head shows up with his last remaining zombie minion, leading to Jonathon dying as Dio cuts off Jonathon's head in hopes of merging with his enemy's body, before the ship they're on sinks. Luckily, Jonathon's pregnant wife escapes.

===Part 2: Battle Tendency===
[[File: Battle Tendency.jpeg|thumb|left|150px|''Battle Tendency'' cover]]
In the late 1930s, Joseph Joestar, grandson of Jonathon Joestar, is the second Joestar to get into strife when the mysterious Pillar Men awaken. These ungodly ancient (and ''fabulous'') abominations created the vampirising stone masks as part of a process to find a way around their own pesky weakness to sunlight. The fact vampires taste even nicer than humans was a nifty bonus. Notable events include a hammy [[Nazi]] cyborg as one of the good guys and a final battle that ''starts'' in an erupting volcano, then ends with them riding a chunk of rock into the atmosphere after the volcano blows its top. Until the middle of the arc there was no real plot, for the most part it was Joseph simply fucking around and beating the shit out of/fooling every minor villain he came by. Araki by this point seemed to have realized how silly the series and embraced it, with much of it being done for laughs. Everything from the aforementioned Pillar Men, the Nazis, this installment's trick-happy Jojo, and probably the dumbest poses in the series certainly makes this the most outright silly arc of Jojo, and that right there is an accomplishment.

===Part 3: Stardust Crusaders===
[[File:Stardust Crusaders.jpeg|thumb|right|150px|''Stardust Crusaders'' cover]]
In the 1980s, half-Japanese Jotaro Kujo takes up the role of hero when Dio Brando comes back, having assimilated Jonathan Joestar's body as his own. In doing so he unlocks a new kind of power, strange psionic abilities called Stands. This causes a chain reaction that unlocks Stands around the world, and leads to Stands replacing Hamon as the super-power of choice in all subsequent generations. Now Jotaro, alongside an aged Joseph and a motley crew of manly men must fight Dio and his practical army of Stand users.

This is by far the most well known and iconic part of Jojo, with the introduction of Stands being very well received and all the crazy shenanigans that come with them. Not only does it have two anime adaptations (whereas Part 1 only has one anime, an unreleased movie, and a videogame and Part 2 only has an anime), but it also has a two video games (one RPG for the SNES, one arcade fighting game by Capcom).

===Part 4: Diamond is Unbreakable===
[[File:Diamond is Unbreakable.jpeg|left|thumb|175px|''Diamond is Unbreakable'' cover]]
It's the year 1999 in a Japanese suburb of Morioh. High Schooler Josuke Higashikata runs into a slightly-older Jotaro and Josuke learns that 1) Jotaro's his nephew despite being ten years older and that old ass Joseph is his father, 2) Stands exist, and 3) there's a serial killer on the loose.

From there spans a rather loosely-assembled journey involving protecting his town from enemy stand users and befriending some of the people he beats up (including thugs and a seriously arrogant manga artist). There isn't really even a central arc until halfway-in, when Josuke figures out that Kira has a stand. For the most part, it is a mystery with the main cast trying to discover the identity of the aforementioned serial killer rampaging through their town and build up to the third act. Noted for being Araki's personal favorite arc to write and marking the shift in his art style from bulky and masculine to more defined and detailed but flamboyant and feminine.

===Part 5: Vento Aureo===
It's Italy in 2001. Giorno Giovanna (the son of Dio using Jonathan's body, though Giorno never knows this) is a kid with aspirations of becoming a "Gang Star" (What this means isn't very clear) with the help of his stand, "Gold Experience". After accidentally killing a gangster, Giorno finds himself immersed in the world of the mafia and eventually becomes a member of "Passione", where he joins his team. With this team, they go and accomplish missions at the behest of a fat bastard (who eventually dies), and later come under the eye of their organization's boss, who wants them to bring back a girl named Trisha.

Once they bring her to the appointed location, they realize that the boss wanted to kill Trisha, which leads to Giorno and the team defecting from the organization and finding out who the boss is and how to defeat him.
While it's still strange in typical JoJo fashion, it's often weird for the sake of being weird rather than for cartoony fun or silliness. That combined with a shoddy plot and boring protagonists makes this a pretty inconsistent arc (yet the stands are cool, so is the villain).

===Part 6: Stone Ocean===
Jolyne Kujo was arrested for a crime she didn't commit (though she did have legitimate priors) in 2015 and is then sent to Green Dolphin Street, a maximum-security prison in Florida. Though her dad Jotaro couldn't bail her out, he did give a small locket (containing a fragment of a Stand Arrow), giving her the chance to develop a stand in order for her to survive this prison and get to the bottom of the conspiracy surrounding this prison.

===Part 7: Steel Ball Run===
The timeline resets to the 1800's.
In this alternate universe, quadraplegic ex-jockey Johnny Joestar and Italian executioner Gyro Zeppeli cross paths and decide, for better or for worse, to partner up and participate in the Steel Ball Run, a race that spans the breadth of the United States as a test of endurance for both horse and rider (except for that one dude who just ran the whole way. He manages to make it pretty far). Along the way, they uncover the real purpose of the race when they become entangled with the Parts of the Saint's Corpse, which bestow its owner with incredible power.

As it turns out, the reason the race was even held was because President Funny Valentine wanted to own the complete Corpse, using the race and its participants as pawns in order to accomplish this goal. Though his goals are ultimately altruistic in their outlook, Johnny and Gyro still oppose this plan because it requires that only America prospers, while everything else is stuck struggling.

===Part 8: JoJolion===
We're back in Morioh, but not as we know it. The currently ongoing arc of JoJo based around the SBR version of the 2011 earthquake that hit Japan.

It's some years after SBR, and Morioh was recently wracked with terrible earthquakes which make these creepy images on the ground that gets ripped up. An unfortunate girl by the name of Yasuho Hirose discovers a body among the mess and rescues him. Though he's got no memories and is quirky almost to the point of stupidity, she decides to help the amnesiac 'Josuke' discover his real identity and some really wacky adventures ensue as they find various clues and odd characters that know something about his past. Somehow, by the grace of God, this makes ''absolutely no sense'' even by JoJo standards

==Characters==
===The Joestars===
====Jonathan Joestar (Part 1)====
[[File: Jonathan JoJo.png|thumb|right|175px| Holy shit, you could grate cheese on those abs.]]
Jonathan is pretty much the archetypal gentleman: Well-mannered, intelligent, and damned determined to protect that which he values. That last part he kinda develops after getting mercilessly bullied by Dio in their childhood and eventually lashes out.
He then learns about the Ripple after nearly dying in an incident that sees his father dead, Dio turned into a vampire, and the entire Joestar estate burned to the ground. By joining Will Zeppeli and the persistent Speedwagon, he learns about the powers of the Stone Mask, how the Ripple is meant to counter it, and what it means to fight. And using that, he seemingly kills Dio.

Skip a bit and Jonathan gets married to Erina Pendleton (a girl he's had a thing for since the beginning), and they go on a honeymoon cruise which goes horribly wrong because Dio's severed head got in with a zombie. Jonathan sacrifices himself to stop Dio from returning to the surface and let the pregnant Erina escape with an orphaned baby.
And then his head gets replaced with Dio's.

Sucks to be him.

====Joseph Joestar (Part 2, 3, and 4)====
[[File: Joseph JoJo.jpeg|thumb|left|For context, he's peeping on a woman taking a bath... who turns out to be his mother. We've come a long way.]]
Whereas his grandfather Jonathan is a gentleman, Joseph is a good-natured but impulsive punk. Over the course of Part 2 he develops from mostly being concerned about his desires to a genuine hero.

Though he doesn't know a lot about fighting, Joseph compensates by being a dirty cheat, not being above even ''dressing up as a woman'' (and poorly might we add). Even though he eventually learns about the Ripple by Lisa Lisa, he still keeps his aptitude for improvising, being able to use nets and ball clackers as weapons to defeat enemies. He even resorts to kamikaze-ing an immortal vampire god into an active volcano, losing his hand in the process, but doesn't care because it fucking worked.

Unlike his granddad, Joseph manages to survive his battle with the half-naked Aztec vampire demigods and eventually builds his own family, marrying the incredibly sexy but also incredibly stupid (seriously, his family thought he was dead because ''she forgot to tell them she was nursing him back to health'') Susie Q. By the time Part 3 rolls around, Joseph's already in his 70's, looks close to it due to slacking off in his Hamon training after having beaten the Pillar Men, and is a real estate tycoon. Here, he develops the stand "Hermit Purple", a bunch of purple vines that let him read the future somewhat by interfacing with cameras and TV's and can conduct the Ripple (which he doesn't use as much after Part 2 because, as said above, he's a slacker who let his skills get rusty). He still is a bit of a trickster, using dirt and tar to defeat one stand and another stand's abilities against its' wielder.

He returns yet again in Part 4, but it's clear that time hasn't been good to him, as he's pretty much unable to do anything. Regardless, he tries (key word "tries") to help Josuke (his illegitimate son) and Jotaro in dealing with an orphaned baby and the Stand Arrow.

====Jotaro Kujo (Part 3, 4, and 6)====
[[File: Jotaro JoJo.png|thumb|right|"My Stand will judge you!"]]
Grandson of Joseph, and the son of a virtually nonexistent jazz player and a housewife (Holly).

Jotaro's stand is essentially what kicks off Part 3, as he locks himself up in a local jail because he has no clue what the hell it even is. After Joseph and Avdol convince him that it's not some [[Daemonhost|unholy possession]], Jotaro then joins along in an adventure which sees him travel the world and punch the fuck out of a lot of people. While less flamboyant than his grandfather, he's every bit as clever as he uses his unflappable demeanor to bluff his way out of numerous life-or-death encounters.

His stand, "Star Platinum" is a blue-ish muscleman with long hair with so many powers it becomes pretty clear how much of a protagonist he is: Punching shit really fast, a stretchy finger, the ability to pick out tiny details with precision, and (eventually) the power to stop time.

Part 4 sees him help out Josuke with taking care of stand business on behalf of the Speedwagon Foundation, but otherwise standing back to do other stuff. That said, he's still just as powerful, even moreso because he finally mastered the ability to stop time itself. Also despite being older he's drawn in a way that makes him look younger than in Part 3, because.

He returns again in Part 6 after finding out that the jail where his daughter is being held has its own issues with stands, and that Pucci has plans that involve Dio. At this point it becomes clear what his flaws are, as it's revealed that while he is a badass, he's also pretty useless in anything not involving being a protagonist, like being a dad.

====Josuke Higashikata(Part 4)====
[[File: Josuke JoJo.jpeg|thumb|left|150px|Never seen such [[awesome|awesomeness]] in my life.]]
The big shocker here: His father is Joseph Joestar. This in itself is pretty damn scary, as the old man was able to still get kids, though this isn't without consequence. As such, he lives with his mom and grandfather (a policeman). Then he runs into Jotaro and things go very... Bizarre.

Josuke is a bit of a goof like his dad, and sports serious pride in his pompadour to the point that he'll beat the shit out of someone for dissing it. On the flip side, one could say that he's too nice for his own good and his desire to be kind can sometimes put him in bad situations, though he's certainly not [[Lawful Stupid]]. He is very touchy about his hair and insulting is is a surefire way to catch an assbeating. His stand, "Crazy Diamond", is able to punch things really fast and restore things that were broken if he knows how they work, a power that could be seriously powerful if he puts his mind to it. However, this is incapable of bringing back the dead (he learns this the hard way), and if he uses this power when mad, things get messed up.

====Giorno Giovanna (Part 5)====
[[File:Giorno JoJo.jpeg|thumb|right|175px|Trust us, this is as much personality as he gets.]]
The son of Dio using Jonathan's body, making his legitimacy as a Joestar up to debate.

His personality is rather...unremarkable, and as such it's up to the other guys to really add to the story while Giorno is something of a plot device. Which is a damn shame, consider he is literally the son of Dio and he could've been a very interesting character. (It should be noted that this may be down to shitty translations. Either that or the Japanese and Italians have shit taste in protagonists.) The fact that his stand, "Gold Experience", has some really bullshit powers doesn't help either. To iterate, his stand can imbue inatimate objects with life (like turning suitcases into frogs or bullets into trees or buttons into FUCKING HANDS) with no respect to conservation of mass and, like "Crazy Diamond" above, reattach them. Similarly, this power isn't able to resurrect the dead. He also has the power to rapidly accelerate the thought process of something he punches, though this is only brought up once and then never seen again.

At the end of the arc, it becomes even more bullshit as Giorno gains another ability atop all the others: The ability to "reset any action to zero". What this means in layman's terms is that he can nullify anything that happens to him, which ''just happens'' to counter Diavolo's powers. This also means that he can reset Diavolo's death, making a rather horrifying cycle of just dying before coming back to life...just to die again.

====Jolyne (Part 6)====
[[File: Jolyne JoJo.jpeg|thumb|left|175px|Doesn't matter that she has masculine facial features, she's still hot.]]
Daughter of Jotaro Kujo, the only female Joestar to bear the nickname "JoJo" thus far, though she beats the shit out of anyone who calls her by her nickname. She's essentially her ancestor Joseph if all his bad traits were pushed up a couple of notches, making for a hot-blooded, rebellious, foul-mouthed, quick-tempered pervert. Seriously, we first see her when a prison guard catches her masturbating in her cell, and at one point she confesses to envying/admiring snails since, as [[dickgirl|hermaphrodites]], they can fuck anything and everything they cross paths with. She's got a huge anti-authoritarian streak, and at first, the series seems set on deconstructing the "Joestar Family Traits" and showing how they can make you an unlikeable prick who needlessly gets yourself into trouble. Luckily, the surfacing of the generation's big bad and her finding allies she can actually share her ''positive'' traits with quickly brings her back into line with being the hero.

She's either insanely lucky, or a lot smarter than she appears - which is good, because, on the surface of it, her Stand, "Stone Free", is one of the weakest, as it lets her turn her body partially or completely into string. Sounds lame, right? Wrong. She can do all sorts of shit with that string, from spying on people by using it to catch sounds to tying people up to making stitches to turning it into razor floss and reducing enemies to mincemeat. Also, because the Stand channels its powers through her body, she can use her powers ''and'' have Stone Free do its own thing at the same time, so she's got a giant ghost-buddy that will beat the shit out of you whilst she's snaring 'n' slicing with her string. She has extreme daddy issues with Jotaro, shitting on him until near the end of Stone Ocean. It is somewhat justified though, considering he abandoned her and her mother when she was young. Ultimately responsible for creating the Jojolion universe, although she technically doesn't survive long enough to do so; she just keeps Pucci, the big bad of her generation, at bay until Emporio does the final dirty work.

====Johnny (Part 7)====
[[File: Johnny JoJo.png|thumb|right|200px|Johnny is fun, even if he is hypocritical.]]
The JoJolion version of Jonathan from Part 1, Johnny is easily the most shit-on Joestar of them all. He was raised by a rich horse trainer and racer and pampered through his youth, kind of turning him into a spoiled brat. But later his older brother dies in a jockey accident that may or may not have been his fault, his father disowns him after telling him [[grimdark|"God has taken the wrong son",]] and later after cutting in front of a kid in line for a play, the kid ''pulls a gun and shoots him, paralyzing him from the waist down.'' Just to add sprinkles on this shit-fest his "friends" leave him and no one visits him in the hospital.

Poor bastard.

After he leaves the hospital he meets Gyro Zeppili, and actually brightens up and becomes an overall better person, even if he doesn't win everything. His Stand "Tusk" enhances his powers of the Spin, allowing him to fire his fingernails like bullets... Don't ask how or why. He almost always rides a horse since he's a paraplegic, if Gyro isn't carrying him or he's not crawling.

====Josuke Higashikata (Part 8)====
Otherwise known as "That dude with four balls" and "Gappy the Gap-tooth Wonder"... Seriously, there isn't that much to note about him. He's the JoJolion version of Josuke from Part 4, but he is an amnesiac who's looking for his origins throughout Part 8. At first, he was thought to be Yoshikage Kira, but that was dispelled when a would-be assassin realizes that Kira, among other things, was an utter narcissist.

Oh, and as mentioned earlier, he has two pairs of balls. Connects to his past somehow, but it doesn't make it any less weird.

Later its revealed that he's really Josuke and Kira (who's a jostar in this timeline) fused together.

His Stand is "Soft & Wet", an incredibly stupid stand that manages to work because of the Jojo Logic. See, "Soft & Wet" works by using bubbles. When these bubbles pop, a property can be taken away from the thing they touch, and the way this is used is rather insane. Pop on a floor, now the floor has no friction. Pop a person's skin, now the water drains out of the person's open pores like a goddamn sponge. He even manages to take away fucking sound from a wall to make sure nobody could hear it breaking!

===JoJo Allies (aka the "JoBros")===
Note: The allies are organized based on their originating part... because there are a ''assload'' of minor protagonists, and an increasingly large amount of minor villains.
====Part 1====
*'''Robert E.O. Speedwagon:''' Speedwagon is somewhat popular for being the only normal guy in a series about superpowered martial arts and vampires, with his only real "power" being his razor-sharp hat and big hammer. Also for the [[meme]] ''"Even Speedwagon is afraid!"'' (which wasn't even said by him in the anime, it was totally said by him in the manga). Despite being fairly average, he still manages to be good friend to Jonathan and Zeppeli. After Jonathan's death, he moves to America and becomes an oil tycoon. This business eventually becomes the Speedwagon Foundation, which is a vague organization dedicated to helping the Joestar family with things like Stands. Come Part 2, he's now an old man, and he gets kidnapped by Nazis because he knows something about a Pillar Man they discovered. Joseph bails them out and Speedwagon leads them to Italy, where they meet Caesar and Lisa Lisa. By this point, he kinda fades into the background, being an old man and all, and eventually passes away in the epilogue.

*'''William A. Zeppeli:''' First off, he has a fabulous hat. Second off, he was trained in the Ripple by a man named Tonpetti after his father and the ship he was in sinks because of the Stone Mask. having been trained by a master, he manages to pull some fine tricks like shooting disks of wine as weapons and stretching his arms to punch things. He then trains Jonathan after learning that the Stone Mask is still around. He eventually dies in a fight with Tarkus ([[Tarkus|not the awesome bald mehreen]]) where he literally gets split in half with a chain and then gives his last life's energy to power up Jonathan. This in itself begins the long line of close allies (usually Zeppelis) sacrificing themselves for Joestars.

====Part 2====
*'''Caesar Zeppeli''': Grandson of Baron Zeppeli. A student of Lisa Lisa, he has a major chip on his shoulder as he blames the Joestar family for his grandfather's death. However, he also blames himself for the accidental death of his father shortly after discovering the Pillar Men in Rome. As a Hamon user, he's more experienced, even adapting a unique bubble projectile attack. Caesar dies fighting Wamuu because he gets impatient and goes after the Pillar Men alone, but not before putting up one hell of a fight. He hates Joseph's guts at first, but under Lisa-Lisa the two become [[gork|total]] [[mork|bros]], fighting by each other's sides until his death. Since he's Italian, he automatically makes women wet when he talks to them.

*'''Lisa Lisa''': Aka Elizabeth Joestar, Joseph's mother. She was forced to abandon Joseph and adopt a new identity when she discovered that her husband's murderer, who was also a top British military leader, was in fact a zombie, and killed him. She becomes the Hamon mentor for Caesar and Joseph, pushing them to their absolute limits to prepare for the Pillar Men. Lisa Lisa uses a special scarf that conducts Hamon in her fight against Kars. However, because Kars doesn't play fair, he nearly kills her and takes the Red Stone that she was guarding. Towards the end she tells Joseph that she's his mother... which, had she said so sooner, would've prevented him from spying on her bathing in an earlier scene. Considering she's 50 years old, she's an absolute MILF since looks like she's only in her early thirties.

*'''Baron Rudolf von Stroheim''': A goose-stepping Nazi who just can't shut up about how Germany is the greatest country in the world. Arguably one of the most fabulous minor characters in the series, and allegedly also the design inspiration for Guile. Initially a bad guy for kidnapping Speedwagon and seemingly trying to weaponize the Pillar Man he found in Mexico, he eats a grenade in an attempt to prevent Santana from escaping. That would be the end of it, but then he suddenly appears in the Swiss Alps as a cyborg with a fucking [[dakka|.50 cal]] in his chest to help kill the other super-vamps. Said machine gun is seemingly fired via pelvic thrusts. After spending the remainder of the arc being a badass and saving Joseph's bitch ass a couple times, he returns to the Wehrmacht to fight World War II. The epilogue describes him singlehandedly covering the retreat of Nazi forces from the Soviet invasion of Berlin, or Stalingrad in the anime. He died as he lived, screaming his head off about German greatness.

====Part 3====
*'''Muhammad Avdol''' (or Abdul if you are not a complete idiot): An Egyptian fortune teller and expert on Stands. His stand is Magician's Red, which uses fire-based attacks. Avdol is a close friend of Joseph, and helps explain Stands to Jotaro. He's a no-nonsense character who uses his knowledge of the other Stands to great effect. He defeated Polnareff and spared his life and allowed him to join the group. Early in their adventure, Avdol is seemingly killed by a cowboy and an in-bred man, but survives thanks to the bullet only grazing him, which came out of nowhere because Araki planned to kill him at first (allegedly to replace him with Hol Horse) but brought him back because of his popularity. He uses his faked death to purchase some safe transportation for the team ([[Derp|which ended up being boarded by another assassin anyways]]). Avdol is killed off for real by Vanilla Ice, when he pushes Polnareff out of harm's way despite saying he wouldn't do so again. Props to Araki for not making him a Middle-Eastern stereotype, considering Stardust Crusaders came out around 1989.

*'''Noriaki Kakyoin''': A Japanese student from the same school as Jotaro. His stand is Hierophant Green; its main attack is an emerald projectile shower called "''Emerald Splash''", but he can also extend its whole body into coils that stretch long distances, as well as enter very small spaces. At first he's being mind controlled by DIO through a flesh bud and attacks Jotaro, but the latter manages to subdue him and even remove his flesh bud in an extremely risky impromptu surgery. In a show of gratitude, Kakyoin joins Jotaro's team, having found kinship in the other Stand users. In the final battle against DIO, Kakyoin is killed, but not before figuring out DIO's power and conveying the message to Joseph. That's right, Kakyoin is Jotaro's Zeppeli.

*'''Jean Pierre Polnareff''': A French swordsman with an absurdly tall hairdo. His stand is "Silver Chariot", an armored swordfighter that can slice with incredible speed and precision. Like Kakyoin, Polnareff was being controlled by DIO's Flesh Bud, but is defeated by Avdol and promptly joins their group. His motivation is to find his sister's killer, who is one of DIO's assassins, as well as get revenge on DIO himself. Polnareff is highly emotional; he hits on every lady he meets, he's deeply concerned about finding adequate toilets on their many stops, and he keeps blaming himself for Avdol's death (both times; see above). Nonetheless, he's a very capable fighter. Polnareff is the only fighter besides the Joestars to survive the battle against Dio. Some point after Part 3 but before Part 5, Polnareff would find himself battling Diavolo and nearly DIE, becoming wheelchair-bound as a result. He then becomes a contact for Giorno's gang as they begin looking for clues to Diavolo's identity and they all meet at the Coliseum. And then he pretty much dies and stabs his stand with the Stand Arrow, turning it into a super-stand that can swap spirits and force evolution. Once the battle ends, it's revealed that Polnareff's spirit survives... inside a turtle. Granted, it's a stand-using turtle, but still.

*'''Iggy''': The final member of Jotaro's team, introduced halfway into the series. He's selfish, ornery, anti-social, and likes to fart on Polnareff's face. Oh, also he's a dog. Yes, dogs can be Stand users too. His stand is The Fool, which allows him to construct anything from sand, whether it's a giant attack dog, a hang glider, or a protective shell. He gets in vicious fight against Dio's guard falcon, Pet Shop, which ends up costing him his leg. Iggy later sacrifices himself to save Polnareff from Vanilla Ice.

====Part 4====
*'''Koichi Hirose''': Josuke's best friend, he's a short dude who just happens to be the same age as Josuke. He's not quite as weird, but he finds himself in much weirder situations as a result, like getting stabbed by an arrow and evolving his stand, or finding out his girlfriend's a stand-using psychopath. His stand, "Echoes", is a real special one because it gains three modes over the course of the story: Stage one just makes lots of noise, Stage two throws these sound effects and they actually happen (like making a sound effect for fire and then the place combusts), and Stage three suddenly replaces the sound powers and becomes some short guy whose punches imbue such a powerful force that its targets slam into the ground. He's usually the more reasonable guy and he happens to be nice. He's just incredibly bad with luck. He appears again early in Part 5 to help Jotaro confirm Giorno's identity.

*'''Okyasu Nijimura''': The archetypal yankee thug with a really big heart. Sure, he first met Josuke as an enemy and nearly killed Koichi, but it's revealed that he and his brother were only causing trouble to find a cure for their freakishly-mutated unkillable dad. They eventually find common purpose when Okyasu's brother is kidnapped and killed by an enemy stand user and they become friends from there. And then...the gangster becomes a bigger nut than Josuke. His stand is called "The Hand" (wow, points for originality) and it has a [[Faptau|a freakishly huge right hand]] which it uses to eradicate space and then have it reform around that rent, which he can use for transportation. Like Vanilla Ice's power, this is fucking awesome. Too bad Okyasu is too dumb to use it properly.

*'''Rohan Kishibe''': A master manga artist who happens to live in Morioh. Basically Araki if he had a stand. He's an egotist to the worst degree and hate's Josuke's guts, but has nothing but respect for Koichi and Jotaro. His stand "Heaven's Door" allows him to read people like literal books, which lets him rip out pages (which harms the user in a way) and write in commands that the victim must obey. His whole jackass act is a bit more justified once it's revealed that as a kid, his parents and a neighbor of his were murdered by Kira, and he was only able to survive because the neghbor hid him.

*'''Shizuka Joestar''': A baby with the Stand Achtung Baby, which allows her to become invisible along with things closely around her, depending on how stressed she is. She was saved from drowning by Josuke and Joseph, with the latter adopting her at the end of part 4. This means that she's the adopted sister of Josuke and Holly, making her Jotaro's aunt and Jolyne's great-aunt, despite Shizuka being the same age as the latter. Unfortunately we don't get to see her again in parts 5 and 6, and given how 6 ended we're probably not going to see her ever again.

====Part 5====
*'''Bruno Bucellati''': The top guy in the gang, Bucellati tends to be the level-headed one and is a rather compassionate person for being a capo of the most powerful mafia in Italy. In his first appearance, he pulled some messed up tricks and is the source of the infamous "This taste...it's of a Liar!" scene where he licks Giorno's sweat to freak him out. His stand is "''Sticky Fingers''", which makes zippers on absolutely anything, letting him do things like create impossible space inside objects (or people) to completely severing limbs. A fighter of incredible utility, especially when some thought is applied to the way his powers are used. His defining moment is being literally unable to die. No, seriously, King Crimson puts a fucking hole through his midsection, and the motherfucker just keeps walking. Being technically dead, he lost the ability to feel pain and used it to his advantage and even blew his own ears out to win the fight against Secco and his ''Oasis'', but then began losing his sight. He only dies after the whole soul-switcheroo of the Silver Chariot Requiem. Has his own battle cry like Jotaro and so on: [https://youtu.be/R7DDnpw2T68?t=804 ''"ARI ARI ARI ...ARRIVEDERCI!"'']

*'''Leone Abbachio''': Looks like Sephiroth, only acts stoic and tries to keep his conscience clean (He was a cop and only defected when he saw how fucked the police system was after his partner died). His stand, "''Moody Blues''", allows him to play back time like a cassette tape, as his stand begins impersonating someone and repeats their actions. Considering how this could discover Diavolo's identity, this leads to Abbachio being assassinated by ''King Crimson'' personally, but not before leaving a mold of Diavolo's face.

*'''Guido Mista''': A more punkish guy who has a '''MASSIVE''' phobia of the number 4. His stand is "''Sex Pistols''", six little bullet-shaped guys numbered 1-7 (skipping 4 because of said phobia) who can kick bullets (or effectively anything bullet-sized) in a way almost identical to the Emperor, except for the fact that his gun is perfectly normal. ''Sex Pistols'' are also able to to deflect projectiles that would harm Mista, in a flashback showing his first use of them, he was shot at by multiple thugs and was able to pick up a gun and shoot each of them without hassle or injury. He gets seriously messed up when he fights more dangerous stands, e.g. he was shot in the head at close range during by Prosciutto and almost killed himself shooting at ''White Album's Gently Weeps''. Mista is the only one of the original gang, excluding Fugo, to survive the arc.

*'''Narancia Ghirga''': Despite looking younger than everyone else, he's actually older than Giorno by two years (despite Giorno looking fucking 20 but he's really 15). He's pretty book-dumb and loud-mouthed, which ends up with him being the first victim of several stand attacks. His stand is "''Aerosmith''", a miniature airplane that traces things by their CO2 emissions and then blasts the fuck outta them with dakka. In both of his fights he ends up in a literal stand-off after forcing the enemy out hiding, first against Formaggio and his ''Little Feet'' and later against Squalo's ''Clash''. He gets killed in the Silver Chariot Requiem switcheroo, being assassinated in the mayhem, Giorno tries to revive him but by then his soul had already departed so he was left surrounded by flowers. His favorite manga was [[Fist of the Northstar]] and he had his battle cry that he used whenever ''Aerosmith'' shoots someone to hell: ''[https://youtu.be/R7DDnpw2T68?t=855 "VOLA VOLA VOLA...VOLARE VIA!"]''

*'''Panacotta Fugo''': Whereas Narancia is book-dumb and impulsive, Fugo is book-smart and methodical in his actions albeit a bit heartless, like when he stabbed Narancia in the face with a fork for getting a math question wrong. His personality seemingly contrasts with his stand, "''Purple Haze''". See, ''Purple Haze'' is something insane, easily-agitated, and compulsive with little capsules in its fists filled with a virus so potent that it eats alive anything it touches. This power is so OP that Araki was forced to write him out of the plot by making him reject the notion of revolting against the Boss and leaving to the gang. He makes a small appearance in the possibly non-canon side-novel, "''Golden Heart, Golden Ring''", and is the main character of the "''Purple Haze Feedback''" novel where he is given a mission to prove his loyalty to the gang six months after the events of Part 5. Known for his "Swiss-cheese" outfit which is a suit jacket with large holes all over it.

====Part 6====
*'''Hermes Costello:''' One of Jolyne's fellow inmates, Hermes is about as much of a match as you can get, except for the part where she has a serious revenge-boner for one of Pucci's subordinates for killing her sister. Her stand "Kiss" allows her to slap stickers on things, duplicating things, but the moment it comes off, the duplicate and original slam together again and blow up a bit.
*'''Foo Fighters:''' This here is the single most awesome character. She's a fucking swarm of amoeba with a stand. Taking the form of a dead inmate. She was originally controlled by Pucci, but eventually Jolyne manages to befriend her and they manage to be friends. Her stand is also non-conventional, as she's constantly using it to keep herself together.
*'''Weather Report:''' He's amnesiac and unstable. And he wears a giant buffalo hat. His stand is also named "Weather Report", and it allows him to oxygenate the air around him, effectively making it combustible. However, once he realizes his identity as Pucci's brother, he discovers a second part of his stand, "Heavy Weather". This is even more fucked up as it somehow uses rainbows to submit subliminal messages like 'Rain frogs' or 'Turn into fucking snails'. Shit's creepy.
*'''Narcisso Anasui:''' Another messed up dude, but he's only restrained by the fact that he seriously has a thing for Jolyne despite her dad's refusal. Despite that, however, he manages to be more reliable than Weather. His Stand is "Diver Down", with the mundane yet neat power of phasing through matter. This allows him to climb into things, break them from the inside, and then break out. He wears what can be described as a "fishnet" connected to thigh-high boots under a short skirt which is notable considering he was originally going to be female and is very clearly a woman in his first appearance (the editor forced the change); oddly enough, his female self was wearing a more modest version of his outfit.

====Part 7====
*'''Gyro Zeppeli:''' That's right, he's another Zeppeli. He's still the guy to teach the Joestar about the power du jour (Spin), and he still dies near the end (though by then, he's done way more than his fair share of things and Johnny's come a long way). In the rebooted Jojolion universe, the Zeppelis were executioners and doctors for the kingdom of Naples, mastering the art of the Steel Balls for this particular job. Gyro, while competent, found himself questioning his conscience when he was instructed to execute a young boy for his possible involvement in a murder. Denying this accusation, Gyro decides to flee to America in order to participate in the Steel Ball Run race and win that boy a pardon, hoping to learn about his convictions along the way. He gains a stand at one point, called "Scan", which allowed him to see using his steel balls, but he eventually loses it when he lost the Saint's Eye to Dio.
*'''Hot Pants:''' She starts off as one of several competitors in the race who manages to keep well ahead in the race, all while rather thinly disguised as a dude. As time goes on, however, Gyro and Johnny cross paths with her and somewhat become enemies (Gyro's kinda pissed for her thieving them of the Corpse Parts, but Johnny's slightly more understanding as well as aware of her identity). It's eventually revealed that she was a nun of the Vatican in penance for letting her brother die years ago, and participated in the race to recover the Saint's Corpse, thinking that recovering such a relic would grant God's mercy. Her stand is the utilitarian "Cream Starter", which is a spray can of meat foam that can be used to heal wounds, dissolve flesh, and even disguise faces.
*'''Lucy Steel:''' Despite the 17-year age gap, Lucy is somehow the wife of industrialist Stephen Steel, the man who organized the Steel Ball Run (under Valentine's orders). Though she doesn't really do much early on, she's the first person to realize that everything's not kosher in this mess and fears for her husband's safety around the President. From here, she gets caught up in the mess of the Corpse, helping Hot Pants with infiltrating the President's house by impersonating Valentine's wife and delivering a warning to Johnny and Gyro. And she does all this despite lacking a stand. Welll...sorta. Eventually, she's revealed to somehow be pregnant with the Corpse's head (Don't ask. [[FATAL|Seriously, don't ask]]) and eventually becomes the Corpse itself, serving to trigger a power of Valentine's Stand. After Valentine's demise, she then manages to save the day by killing Dio using one last moment of "D4C" fuckery.

====Part 8====
*'''Yasuho Hirose:''' Josuke's lover/girlfriend/fuckbuddy and the first person to discover his unconscious ass amongst the Wall Eyes. She doesn't have much in the way of personality since she's mostly there for sex appeal and to help Josuke find out who he truly is. Her Stand, Paisley Park, has some of the most vague powers in the series. It's main ability is to "guide" Yasuho through situations and to an end goal, either by giving her cues or manipulating electronics around her. Of course, considering how intentionally vague this power is, expected it to be abused like a disobedient child. Also, she named Josuke after her dog and she said he looked a lot like him. ''What a bitch.''
*'''Joshu Higashikata:''' This little fuckwit is Josuke's stepbrother and is by far the worst JoBro. Every negative trait you can think of he probably has, including; spoiled, petty, possessive, selfish, perverted, idiotic, amongst any other things. Just a [[Honsou|horrible person in general,]] constantly antagonizing and arguing with Josuke because he wants Yasuho for himself. Also, his Stand [[/d/|Nut]] King Call is basically Sticky Fingers but with nuts and bolts; attaching a bolt something then removing it causes whatever it was attached to to fall apart when it's removed. Naturally, he deserves to have one of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X-Ek_1W9wkthe most rocking themes] in Eyes of Heaven, [[What|right]]?

===The Dicks/Villians===
====Dio Brando (Part 1 and 3)====
[[File: DIO.jpeg|thumb|right|Part 3 Dio and his Stand "The World", also known by its Japanese name of ZA WARUDO.]]
Technically the big bad of the overall series, although he's only actually on-stage in the first and third sagas. Arrogant, vain and frankly something of a coward, Dio was born the son of abusive, stupid, drunkard Dario Brando, but had a natural intelligence, ambition and drive that his father lacked. Poisoning his father, he was sent to live with George and Jonathan Joestar, as part of a debt the elder Joestar owed to Dario. Despising Jonathan for his attempts to befriend his new stepbrother, Dio bullied Jonathon throughout their childhood, and even after they seemingly made amends, was secretly plotting to steel Jonathon's birthright. He attempted to poison George, only for his scheme to be revealed, whereupon he used the Stone Mask the Joestars had unwittingly guarded to become a vampire and attempted to conquer England by creating an army of zombies. As mentioned above, this eventually left him a severed head trapped on the bottom of the ocean, until he managed to assimilate Jonathon's body and escape for the third saga. He sits in his lair for most of it because he has difficulty controlling Jonathan's body and doesn't fight the heroes himself until all his minions are dead. When he does however he proceeds to completely wreck their shit until Jotaro narrowly manages to defeat him. Afterwords his body is thrown into the desert and incinerated to make sure he doesn't come back. Although he was defeated, agents and plots of his were the primary source of trouble for the next three sagas... until the sixth ended with Dio and his depredations literally being retconned out of existence. Ironically, for all his arrogance and power, Dio ultimately owed everything he had to the Joestars. His life of luxury in his teens was paid for by Joestar money. He became a vampire with a Stone Mask owned by the Joestar family. He needed Jonathon Joestar's body after his own was destroyed by Ripple energy. He needed Joseph Joestar's blood so he could better merge with Jonathon's body. He even makes extensive use of Hermit Purple #2 which is the same as Joseph, but presumably belongs to Jonathan, during the third saga.

He is well-loved by the fans for his over-the-top flamboyance (even by the series' standards), grandiloquent speaking style, and sheer dickishness such that [[Eldrad]] himself would be impressed. He is the source of [[Meme|ZA WARUDO]], which is his Stand ("The World") freezing time around him. While he typically follows that up with an improbably numerous volley of knives, he is infamous for what comes after: Slamming a road roller from out of nowhere down on his opponent, punching it until the vehicle explodes, [[Eversor|then screeching in triumph.]] '''WRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!'''

Considering the design of DIO's Stand, ''The World'', it may in fact be a "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkysjcs5vFU Holy Diver."]

He also has a slew of minions and henchmen in both Parts 1 and 3. From Zombie Black Knights and literal Mancats in Part 1 to a Womanizing, Ghost-gun wielding Cowboy and an Incredibly Smart Baby that kills in its sleep in Part 3:

====Part 1: Phantom Blood Villains====
[[File:PBDio.jpg|thumb|right|He is just as much of a dick as he is fabulous.]]
*'''Dio Brando:''' Even evil has to have a beginning and Dio Brando is no exception, but it's not like he was born the sharpest dick around even if he ''was'' always bound for "greatness". Growing up with an abusive father in the slums, Dio became bitter and developed his spiteful trickster-like behavior. Dio is meant to contrast with Jonathan starting with the fact they both lost their mothers, Dio being precociously intelligent and born poor while Jojo acts his age and was born in a rich family. It is foreshadowed early on that he's teeth-shatteringly evil when he knees Jojo's dog, Danny in the face later setting him on fire and having mature conversations with George Joestar. Making it his mission to make Jojo's life miserable, he assaults Erina ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaGkk60kcjQ "But it was with I, DIO!"]) and beats Jojo in boxing but this all comes back on him Jonathan actually fights back and likely would have tried to kill Jonathan if not for George interfering. Though they seemingly put the incidents of their childhood behind them, being friends as adults, Jojo discovers his plot to poison George and his dreams of inheriting the Joestar fortune are dashed. Dio leaves the mansion after stealing the Stone Mask, wandering the town streets he discovers its ability to create Vampires and nearly dies in the process. Returning to the mansion, Jojo having found proof of Dio's plot almost has him arrested before Dio fatally stabs George and dons the Stone Mask. Now a vampire, he fights Jonathan throughout the mansion,[https://youtu.be/gsxXvKnuZ7s "Goodbye, JO-JO~!"], and gets impaled on the statue on the ground floor. After being saved by Wang Chan, he started taking things to the next, completely unnecessary level by creating zombies, splicing peoples' heads onto cats' bodies, a cat's head onto a bird's body, and just being an all-around fabulous bellend. His vampirism granted him the ability to freeze people to the bone just by touching them and the ability to compress his blood to shoot out of his eyes in a concentrated beam that was strong enough to pierce stone called "''Space Ripper Stingy Eyes''". In the end, after becoming a severed head he figured the only body worth having was that of his worst enemy and the rest is history. Dio has a famous exchange between him and Zeppeli, when asked "How many lives did you take to obtain that power," he responds: "Do you mean you remember how many breads you have eaten," followed by a strange look from Zeppeli. "Dio" means god in italian but it is also the name of the late heavy metal singer, Ronnie James Dio and his band,”DIO", combined with the last name of the late actor, Marlon Brando. It may be possible that Dio is essentially a more twisted version of the eponymous main character from a previous manga by Hirohiko Araki, "''Cool Shock B.T.''" this is enforced by a scene where Dio is scheming being framed by arrows which appear on the covers of Cool Shock.

=====Dio's Minions=====
*'''Wang Chan:''' An old asian man that ran a curio shop on Ogre Street and sold Dio the poison he used on George Joestar. He's Dio first real minion and is essentially the reason why Dio was able to recover from the mansion fire, giving Dio his blood and hiding him away. He did this again after Dio and Jonathan's final showdown where recovered Dio's head and brought him to the boat, hoping to place Dio on Jonathan's body. Wang Chan gets overzealous and underestimates a weakened Jonathan, getting his head blown off and his body stuck to the boat's workings causing it to explode.

*'''Jack the Ripper:''' As in THE Jack the Ripper, depicted here as a vaguely brown man with a beard and brown or red hair and is huge just like almost every other character in Phantom Blood. Dio encounters him while he is, presumably, killing his last real-life victim and is subsequently converted into a zombie. He attacks Jonathan and Co.'s stagecoach ride, cutting off the horses' heads, replacing the coach driver's head with one of them, and hiding in one of the still standing horses. Jack hid scalpels inside of his body that he was able to shoot out and jumped around holding a modified guillotine. He doesn't prove much a threat and gets absolutely obliterated by Jonathan, so the reason he disappeared was because he got turned into a zombie and killed by two extremely buff gentlemen.

*'''Bruford:''' One of two zombie knights resurrected by Dio to take out Jonathan and his Merry Crew after their encounter with Dio who fights using his hair and his sword, "Luck". Along with Tarkus he was a retainer of Queen Mary of Scotland when he was alive and allowed himself to be executed to save her. Learning she was killed regardless, Bruford curses humanity and uses his hair to kill one of the executioners before dying. Bruford, still being an honorable fighter, fights Jonathan one-on-one and takes the fight underwater where it turns out he's a crazy good swimmer even while wearing armor. He's defeated when Jonathan hits him with a "Sunlight Yellow Overdrive" which purifies his soul, causing flowers to bloom under his feet. Fading, [[This guy|Bruford tells Jonathan how grateful he is to have fought him]] and rechristens Luck to "Luck & Pluck", giving the sword to Jonathan which would prove helpful in the fight against Dio. Then Tarkus, being "[[that guy]]", crushes his remains and calls him a disgrace.

*'''Tarkus:''' One of the two undead knights resurrected by Dio as zombies, so most definitely not the Tarkus you were already thinking of. He's huge, as in Space Marine huge, and crazy strong such that when he and Bruford were executed the executioners needed multiple axes as they would break on his neck, tensed by [[rage]]. Unlike Bruford who turned out to be a pretty cool guy in the end, Tarkus proves to be 100%, medieval [[That Guy]] by crushing Bruford's remains. He doesn't care for honor in the slightest, setting a trap for Jonathan in the '''Room of Dragon Decapitation''' that forces him into a '''Chain Neck Deathmatch''' where they're both shackled to ceiling by chains and the only way out is to kill the opponent for their key. Being unreasonably tall and strong, Tarkus is easily able to knock around Jonathan then use them to bisect Zeppeli and break Jonathan's neck in one pull using his ''Hell Heaven Snake Kill'' move. Tarkus being a sadistic jerkass, he finds this funny up until Jonathan breaks his neck collar with little effort which is something Tarkus couldn't even do with his bullshit level of strength. He pretty much starts bawling when Jonathan slices his arm up the middle then punches his stupid head off, leaving nothing behind.

*'''Doobie:''' A zombie Dio had with him in his mansion, he's big and wears a sack on his head; fortunately, he doesn't have a brother. He gets an anvil dropped on his head by Jonathan and later reveals that under the sack on his head is a bunch of man-eating snakes that bit Jonathan a few times. Jonathan then just rejects the venom and makes the snakes transfer hamon to Doobie causing him to melt, and that was Doobie. He did have a nice hat though.

*'''Page, Jones, Plant and Dornam:''' Four really messed up looking zombies that could extend blood-sucking proboscises from their heads and all got punked by Straits/Straizo. They were all named after ''Led Zeppelin'' members, and that's all there is to say about them.

====Part 2: Battle Tendency Villains====
=====The Pillar Men (Wamuu, ACDC/Esidisi, Kars, Santana)=====
[[File:Awaken in Color.png|thumb|right|250px|ACDC, Wamuu, and Kars...no, they're straight. We swear.]]
A pre-human tribe of supermen from the ancient past, these beings possess superhuman control over their bodies, allowing them to manipulate their own flesh and the flesh of other people as they see fit. This makes them virtually indestructible, capable of reassembling themselves from being blown to bloody scraps. They feed on the flesh of all other races, and their body manipulating traits allow them to literally absorb flesh with a touch. By the time of the series, only four members of this tribe survive, having slaughtered the rest of their kind, ostensibly in self-defense as they didn't like their leader's scheme since the increased metabolism induced by the Stone Masks would lead to the hunting of all other life to extinction if they became widespread. Kars and Esidisi took the two infants that survived, Wamuu and Santana, with them as they went in search of a way to gain complete immunity to the sun which. Their search went on for tens of thousands of years, ending w they learn of the Red Stone of Aja, a perfectly cut gemstone that can channel light and refract it to point that it fires a concentrated laser beam. Believing the "Super Aja" to be the key unlocking their evolution, the Pillar Man fought against Hamon users in order to obtain it but somehow failed and were sealed away in a stonewall. ACDC, Wamuu, and Kars each have an elemental "mode" which they theme their personal body modification around, for instance, Wamuu can form a lethal wind shear by spinning his arms like turbines. The tribe's only weakness is sunlight, and thus by extension Ripple energy; Kars' claim to fame was attempting to fix this with the Stone Masks, which didn't work as the Masks can't pierce their skin deeply enough, but ''did'' create dickass vampires like Dio and massively boosted their shape-shifting powers. Free from their stone prison, they once again seek the Red Stone in order to power a modified Stone Mask that will finally allow them to become "Ultimate Lifeforms". Appearance-wise they are all built like bodybuilders being at least 6ft. tall and dress in ancient Mesoamerican style.

*'''Santana:''' The first Pillar Man to awaken, the first to be fought, first to put up with [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt4q6Dwa-LE Joseph's weirdness] and the first to get absolutely wrecked. He was awakened by German Scientists when they doused his stone form with blood. He promptly shows off each of the Pillar Men's natural traits by eating a vampire through body contact then breaking his own bones at high-speed in order to fit into a vent. Possessing the body of a nazi guard, when he's shot at he returns the bullets using the nazi's hand like a machinegun and revealing his grasp of anime talk. Proving he's an actual threat, he demonstrates some body horror moves like using his rib-cage as a guillotine and using chunks of his skin as leeches. When Stroheim is able to move one-legged with an entire ancient super-being in his stump leg and blows himself up, Joseph is able to expose Santana to sunlight, turning him back into stone. While all of this might be evidence that he's really powerful and should be taken seriously, it turns out that he is absolute garbage compared to the other Pillar Men. Realizing who he is at the mention of him, because Santana isn't his real name, Kars basically says he was a weakling that only lived 1/10 of their [Kars, Esidisi and Wammu's] lives so they probably abandoned him. While it's amazing that Santana learned to speak a language within minutes of hearing it, his speech is slow and simple, but when the other Pillar Men awaken they are capable of full sentences within a smaller time frame meaning Santana is also an idiot by comparison.
[[File:Wham close.png|200px|thumb|The Warrior's Code says nothing against looking this good.]]
*'''Wamuu (Wham):''' The Pillar Man who can use "Wind Mode" and the second to awaken but the first to [[get shit done]], Wammu is a servant of Kars and Esidisi though he is in no way weaker than either of them. Of the three, he upholds a Warrior's Code of Honor and while he does obey the others' commands completely, he lives to fight by this code. Upon awakening, he immediately slaughters most of the nazis present using his wind horn and somehow deflates the rest before doing his [[meme|iconic]] "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDEbsZpweDo Wammu!] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uOBVO-GyZk Awaken my Masters!]" and posing dramatically alongside a freed Esidisi and Kars with [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM Pillarstep] blasting in the background. Wham subsequently eats Caesar's best nazi friend, Mark, just by walking past him and puts Caesar and his bubbles in the trash without even really trying. When Joseph actually gets a hit in, he stops playing around and uses his ultimate technique "''Holy Sandstorm''", blasting out [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgIdV09E75o Whamstep] all over the place and bodying Joseph. Eventually, Joseph convinces him to spare his life under one condition: Joseph trains for a month in order to defeat him and places a "wedding ring" containing a deadly poison inside of Joseph to make sure he doesn't back out and Esidisi does the same. He has a showdown with Caesar in Switzerland and was almost defeated when Caesar stunned him with sunlight reflected from his Bubble Lenses, but when Caesar jumped in to finish him off it blocked the sunlight long enough for him to counter with a Holy Sandstorm. [http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/514/806/4b4.jpg Respecting Caesar] for giving him the best fight he had had in millennia, he allows him to take the antidote ring for Joseph and leaves vowing that he would always remember their battle. Meeting Joseph in the Skeleton Heel Stone Arena for their final fight, a chariot race using vampire horses with countless vampire spectators. After a number of tricks, gouging his own eyes out, and losing both of his arms, Wamuu activates his "''Final Mode: Atmospheric Rift/Gathering Gale''" which is a concentrated blade of wind from his horn. In a moment of desperation, Joseph uses one last trick that causes Wamuu to explode using Caesar's flaming headband, now reduced to only a head, Joseph expresses his respect for him. Using the very last of his strength to kill a group of vampires who were poised to attack Joseph, he fades into ash and is carried away with the wind. In the end, Wammu only truly lived to uphold his Warrior's Code and was glad to have the honor of fighting both Caesar and Joseph as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gMlFFXFJQc true] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtlDvR56rOs warriors]. His namesake is the English duo, ''Wham!'', who would be formed about 50 years after the events of Part 2 in real-life.

*'''Esidisi (ACDC):''' Pillar Man with the power of "Flame Mode", he's Kars' closest companion, being the one to side with him their entire race turned on them. His Flame Mode allows him to raise his body temperature to 500 degrees, allowing him to use his own blood as weapon by extending his veins out of his body. Being able to heat himself up to such a degree, fire and explosives have no effect on him such is that he was able to swallow a stick of dynamite with no problems. Esidisi is the oddest Pillar Man, fighting using his own blood vessels as tentacles to drip blood and when he appeared wearing his second, more iconic outfit it's mostly stitched to his skin. Contrary to how this may paint him, he's not to be taken lightly as is a cunning strategist who was able to outsmart Joseph for a time. He interrupted Joseph's training by killing Loggins just before Joseph arrived to have his duel and fights him to see how far he's come since their last meeting. Fighting on a bed of spikes, Esidisi shows his cunning by seeing through some of Joseph's tricks and even using Joseph's "What you're going to say next is..." trick against him and stating that he had personally met Sun Tzu himself at some point. In another iconic moment, he starts crying his eyes out when Joseph destroys one of his arms as a way of calming himself down "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYrl-RJ_oA4 Oh-ho, MY GOD~! HEEEYYYY!!!]" He's defeated when he fails to notice Josephs wire trap and has hamon channeled around his body and is seemingly destroyed. In reality, he was left only as a brain with his blood vessels attached and finding way to Suzie Q, he takes over her body and sends the Red Stone of Aja to Switzerland. When Caesar and Joseph remove him from Suzie Q, instead of outright destroying Esidisi, Joseph shows respect for him as even though he was utterly destroyed, he still did all he could to make sure Kars' plan came to fruition. If it's not clear, his namesake the rock band, ''AC/DC'', his theme [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cv_qe5oQoPo "The Disturbing ACDC/Esidisi"] alludes to this and the same may be true for his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hnk-J59jyXc Eyes of Heaven Theme]. The banter he has with Joseph is depicted in a popular banner, and his crying face has been parodied a number of times.

*'''Kars:''' The leader of the Pillar Men and creator of the Stone Masks out of ambition, essentially making him the direct cause of all the events of Part 1. While his ambition to overcome the weakness to the sun that plagued his race may seem noble, by the time of Part 2 his ultimate goal is really complete dominion over the animal kingdom. While he does look down upon humanity as worthless beings and food, he does show a notable affection for nature itself, diverting a car and killing its drivers to save a dog and changing his landing when would've fallen on flowers growing at the bottom of a chasm. In spite of his love of nature, Kars is easily the cruelest and most devious of the Pillar Men, showing sadistic pleasure when in control of a fight and using a body double so he could backstab Lisa Lisa. His mode is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6t2HDJ0NVk "Light Mode"] which takes the form of metal blades called "Light Slip Blades" that jut out from his arms and legs, the light comes from small "teeth" on the blades that move across them similar to chainsaw. Kars is able to use his blades to cut farther and more times than seemingly possible, like when he cut an entire room of nazis into pieces from the outside wall. His first time taking action was when he correctly assumed that Esidisi had been defeated, he set out wearing a ''beautiful'' winter ensemble to claim the Super Aja himself and would've had it if it weren't for the Pinnacle of German Science delaying him. After Wamuu's defeat by Joseph he reveals the proof of his superiority to humanity, the fact that he has '''''absolutely flawless''''' hair that would make even the most [[Fulgrim|depraved, vain fool]] mourn their lack of such flowing, shimmering violet locks. In spite of all of his planning during his final battle against the Ripple users he is defeated by Joseph who, of course, managed to outsmart him. When it seems as though Kars had completely lost, he reveals himself wearing the custom Stone Mask with the Red Stone equipped when Stroheim orders UV light shined him, the mask catches the light and triggers Kars' transformation. When the Stone Mask breaks off of his face, it is revealed that he has the ability to create sentient, living creatures from his own body and have them act independently. As the sun rises and everyone present believes Kars is finally defeated when Kars only faces everyone down, bathing in the sunlight as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFPgKeYVJgk Karstep] blasts throughout the world as he had finally tamed the sun, he was finally the Ultimate Lifeform. Kars' first decision as the Ultimate Being was to eliminate the one who had caused him so much turmoil since his awakening, Joseph Joestar. Growing wings and taking flight to catch Joseph who had taken the Red Stone and a plane, he creates piranhas and an octopus to crash the plane which Joseph survives thanks to Stroheim. After falling into a volcano, severing Joseph's left hand, and revealing his ability to use incredibly strong hamon, Kars is poised to finish him once and for all. Unconciously, Joseph blocks Kars' hamon-powered strike with the Red Stone which creates a beam strong enough to make the volcano erupt and launch both of them into the atmosphere. Naturally he tries to escape with his flight and leave Jojo to his fate, but when he becomes distracted for just a minute he completely loses the opportunity and is launched even higher. In Earth's orbit, Kars attempts to push his way back but begins to freeze and is unable to form anything capable of keeping him warm so he is left floating through space. With nothing left but his own thoughts in the cold void of space, Kars yearned for death and [[meme|eventually stopped thinking]].

===Part 3: Stardust Crusaders Villains===
=====The Tarot Assassins=====
*'''Tower of Gray:''' An old codger of an assassin whose MO is getting on the plane/train/buFor/boat as his target, then [[Bane|crashing it with no survivors except him]]. Stands make a user tougher, but how he survives a fucking plane crash is unknown. His Stand is Tower of Gray, a flying beetle so fast it can dodge Star Platinum's punches. [[Grimdark|It has a long, Xenomorph-style tongue with which it rips out the tongues of its targets]]. Kakyoin managed to trick it into a specific, predictable pattern that allowed him to shred it using ''Hierophant Green's'' tentacles.

*'''Impostor Captain Tennille:''' A man who killed and impersonated the captain of a boat tasked with transporting the Crusaders to India, who wields the Stand ''Dark Blue Moon''. DBM is sea monster who excels while in water, capable of creating barnacle-like growths on his victims to slow and crush them, create whirlpools, and releasing his scales that are like miniature razors. No one suspected him of being a Stand User until he fell for Jotaro's trick and made himself look like an idiot. He tried to have a duel with Jotaro, but was unexpectedly stabbed in the face using Star Platinum's star finger move, killing him quickly. His real name has never been revealed, but his censored name is "Captain Dragon", which is the real name of the captain in "''Captain & Tenille''".

*'''Forever:''' A sapient orangutan that likes [[Nurgle|smoking pipes]], [[Slaanesh|human pornography]], [[Tzeentch|posing as a regular ape]] and [[Khorne|brutal murder]]. Don't insult his intelligence: you won't live for very long. His Stand is Strength, which can possess objects and bring out their "true potential": in the manga this turns a tiny yacht into a massive freighter that Forever has total control over, up to and including phasing through the bulkheads like they weren't there. He [[Dranon's delight|tried to molest the little girl traveling with the Crusaders]], only for Jotaro to rescue her and spank the monkey. Based on the intelligent orangutan from the horror movie [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091415/ Link.] Named after the Wu-Tang Clan album, ''Wu-Tang Forever''.

*'''Devo the Cursed:''' A real fucked-up piece of shit, he's a Native American assassin with scars covering his entire body who's able to "curse" people to die horrific deaths. In truth, he's a masochist and uses his Stand, "Ebony Devil" to possess a killer doll and take a few pages from Chucky's book by murdering someone who hurt him in various brutal and creative ways. When he crawls out of his hiding spot in Polnareff's mini-fridge, he gets one of his eyes poked out only to claim his curse has taken hold and jumps the balcony, leaving his doll to do the job. This shit is fucking brutal, we're talking razors to the back of the foot, shampoo in the eyes, razor-toothed mouth, and dousing a bed in alcohol in order to light it using a blow-dryer. Polnareff manages to outmaneuver him and rip his doll (and therefore his Stand, and therefore ''him'') to pieces, leaving a janitor at the hotel to find Devo's bloody mess in a bathroom. What a dick. Also called Soul Sacrifice in the official sub to avoid lawsuits, notable because Araki picked the name himself.

*'''Rubber Soul:''' Another assassin sent by DIO who was promised a fuckton of money to kill the Stardust Crusaders. His Stand, ''Yellow Temperance'', is an amorphous blob of flesh that allows him to disguise himself as other people and eat organic matter by covering and dissolving it. The more Yellow Temperance absorbs, the larger it gets which is made worse by the fact that fire only makes it spread faster and cold only causes it to harden. The only way to get rid of it is to attack Rubber Soul himself and since ''Yellow Temperance'' is an incredibly fast blob that can act as a shield, it's not an easy task. Rubber Soul was able to "perfectly" disguise himself as Kakyoin sometime after the Devo fight and Hermit Purple detected his presence when used on a television. While his disguise is physically perfect, he acted overly hostile, putting a thief into a "''Coconut Backbreaker''" and infamously making the cherry licking sound, [https://youtu.be/UQ-g0BdpbDM "Relo relo relo relo..."] When Jotaro gets sick of shit, still thinking he's Kakyoin, he punches him and knocks his jaw off which breaks the disguise. Asking Jotaro,"[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWKB1Zxg84s DO YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAAND?]" but after experiencing the '''Joestar Family Secret Technique''' and [https://youtu.be/E_ZDj8N-rAA having his weakness revealed to him] he tries to play it off. Jotaro seems to consider letting him go, but when Rubber messes that up for himself he gets a one passenger ticket on the ORA ORA ORA train. Even though he's terrible actor, doing nothing resembling Kakyoin's behavior he oddly shared the same habit of licking cherries as Kakyoin. His namesake is the Beatles album of the same name but he is called "''Robber Soul''" in the American version of the PS1 game.

[[File:Nicest Man.png|300px|thumb|right|"Bingo, if you tell me to hit a lady one more time...]]
*'''Hol Horse:''' An assassin sent by DIO to take them Joestar Boys out, he's a modern cowboy whose stand is a gun named "''The Emperor''" and is the "Nicest Man in the World". ''The Emperor's'' only real ability is that the bullets are part of his stand, so Hol Horse can manipulate the trajectory of its bullets mid-flight and change their speed; allowing it to bypass obstacles that would prevent them from reaching their mark. He's a womanizing coward, apparently making women fall in love with him solely so he can take advantage of them and save himself. Yet ironically, he's the only one of DIO's minions that tells him off and even attempts to kill him only to be so completely intimidated that he reassures his loyalty. Due to his stand's limitation; Hol Horse never fights alone, preferring to fight with a partner because "''It's always better being No. 2''". He teams up with J. Geil at first claiming they're the "strongest combination" but when that all goes South, he gets blamed for J. Geil's death and nearly killed if wasn't for those Stardust Boys saving the day. After meeting with DIO, he shows up again with Boingo, using Tohth's predictions to get the drop on them Joestar Boys like hamburger on a grill. [[Just as planned|After sticking his fingers up Polnareff's nose causes them Crusader types to get hit by a truck]], he makes a mistake and shoots himself in his dang ol' face, forcing him to ['''RETIRE!''']. Despite his luck, he manages to survive Stardust Crusaders, unless you count the OVA where he gets killed during the fight against Justice. His name is likely a warped pronunciation of the duo, ''Hall & Oates'', plus he has some real [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_Frwi9mE5o knee-slappin'] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6YmNyROlNQ theme songs.]

*'''J. Geil:''' An ugly motherfucker with two right hands. A sadist through and through, he raped and killed Polnareff's sister, which ironically drove Polnaeraff to also work under DIO to find him and later join the Crusaders. His Stand, The Hanged Man, is made of light that can jump between reflections and can attack from them. He is rather clever though, and lies to the Crusaders when explaining his powers to throw them through a loop instead of telling the truth like a chump. He tricks Polnareff using a decoy then calls out homeless people so he can use their eyes as hiding places for The Hanged Man. This did not stop him from being turned into a pincushion by Polnareff and hanged upside down like his Stand's counterpart in Tarot.

*'''Nena:''': A morbidly obese, short lady disguised as a teenage Indian girl, who possess "The Empress". The Empress is an odd bit in that it manifests itself by infecting victims using Nena's blood. The blood will then grow into an unsightly cyst and evolves into the stand itself, going from a face to a full upper body. Even as just a face, it was strong enough to dissect a doctor's face using only a scalpel placed into its teeth, and when the upper body formed it was able to deliver punches strong enough to knock Joseph off balance. Nena infected Joseph with blood drop on his arm and planned to kill him once she matured, thinking it was an easy gig as Hermit Purple is not combat-oriented and hamon can't harm her. However, Joseph uses his decades of experience and manages to trap The Empress and kill her, resulting in Nena dying aswell and freaking out Polnareff who had been flirting with her at the time.

*'''ZZ:''': The person who possesses the Stand: Wheel of Fortune. Similar to Strength; WoF takes the characteristics of a vehicle, which in his case is a beaten-up old car, which he turned into a spiked death mobile that would make even a [[warpsmith]] jealous. ZZ, at first, tried tricking the Crusaders into a car accident and later tampered with a roadsign to make them go the wrong way where he would ambush them. After causing them to get into another accident, he reveals his identity and that WoF is capable of climbing up walls and burrowing underground. He almost manages to kill Jotaro after shooting him with gasoline and delivering an electric shock, but was fooled by a decoy trick and his car was punched into scrap metal. Losing his car, the Crusaders laugh at his lack of well-toned abs, as he only has four, and leave him chained to a rock. One of the characters to break the 4th Wall, claiming he "ended Part 3 early" when it looked like Jotaro was burning and is noted for having gigantic, muscled arms but a comparatively small body. His namesake is the rock band, ''ZZ Top''.

*'''Enya Geil:''' One of DIO's inner circle and his chief adviser. A shriveled old hag who encourages DIO to develop his powers and to rule THE WORLD with them. The mother of J. Geil mentioned above, she loves her son and dotes on him, overlooking the fact that he's a rapist serial killer. Has two right hands, just like her son and is extremely mad at Polnareff for killing him, and becomes increasingly infuriated when she has to play nice with him while plotting her revenge. Her Stand, Justice, is a mist that can raise the dead and can control body parts it drills holes into by using a preexisting wound. She was able to get a cut on Polnareff's tongue and almost forced him to lick feces out of a toilet bowl. It can also create illusions and is next to immune to physical damage because it is made of smoke and large enough to cover an entire city. This did not help it when Star Platinum inhaled it, which knocked Enya out. She was then captured by the Crusaders who wanted to interrogate her, but when Steely Dan activated the flesh bud inside of her, she died still loyal to DIO and refused to give them information. Ultimately responsible for parts after the third having Stands flying out of their asses by finding and abusing the Stand Arrow. Despite being old as fuck in the main series the OVA has a flashback that reveals her to have been quite the looker but this is actually a disguise she uses to trick Hol Horse, and later, Polnareff.

*'''Steely Dan:''' A kebab-stand owner and controls a Stand named "The Lovers". Unlike other stand-wielders, Dan's stand is microscopic and can't do anything in straight-up combat. Its specialty is that it can infiltrate the bodies of opponents and do damage from within, but more importantly transfers any damage he would take to the infested person so they would feel it in the same area but amplified. Harmful to the point that, Dan, cracking his knuckles was felt by Joseph in his ''prosthetic'' hand so this allowed him to blackmail Jotaro into being his punching bag/man servant. He's pretty notable in the series for pissing off Jotaro to such a degree that [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guTZEIPe-Ks 6 whole pages/20 seconds were entirely devoted to him being ORA ORA ORAed into oblivion]. His namesake is the band, ''Steely Dan'', censored to "S-Terry Dan" in the PS1 game and "Dan of Steel" in certain material. Rather confusingly, in the older Viz Manga Translation it was "censored" to ''Rubber Soul'' despite the actual Rubber Soul, mentioned above, being censored to ''Robber Soul''.

*'''Arabia Fats:''' The person who controlled the stand: Sun, which is a literal sun that could shoot some kind of energy projectile with extreme accuracy. He attempted to burn the Crusaders in the middle of the desert, but Jotaro and the group managed to find and disable him by throwing a rock at him. Fats essentially had no dialogue outside of the noise he made when hit and was given extra quotes in the PS1 game. His namesake is the pianist, ''Fats Domino''.

*'''Mannish Boy:''' An impossibly intelligent baby who was given to the Crusaders by an unknown person who turned out to not know anything about the him or his parents. He has fangs for some reason, but that's just a clue that he's one of the more depraved characters in Part 3, something only Kakyoin was able to notice. Mannish Boy knows full well how to smoke and was able to kill a scorpion using a bobby pin then hide it in his mouth to avoid suspicion while manipulating the Crusaders into losing trust in Kakyoin. What makes him even more dangerous is his stand, ''Death 13'', which is a clown-like reaper that can take people into its own personal carnival dreamworld that it has full control over. Whenever someone falls asleep in vicinity to Mannish Boy, they're taken in and can only remember what happens in the dreamworld if he wants them to; in addition, any injuries a person sustains in the dream will show up in real-life. After an absurd amount of creepy shenanigans, he is defeated when Kakyoin figures out how to summon Hierophant Green in the dreamworld and threatens to tear him inside out. The real final blow is dealt when Kakyoin mixes Mannish Boy's own feces into his baby food which he can't refuse since he's just a baby. His namesake is the song, Mannish Boy, by Muddy Waters. "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-3i0CFloQU Lali-Ho~]"

*'''Cameo & Judgement:''' The user of the stand, Judgement, which looks very robot-like and can grant "wishes" that are all made to [[Tzeentch|backfire]]. After finding Judgement in a genie's lamp, one wish, a "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlqMB23QfH0 HAIL 2 U!]" and the possibility of becoming a famous manga artist to become bigger than Disney and build "Polnareffland", Polnareff wishes for his sister to be brought back to life but there is a twist. Judgement creates an incomplete copy of her out of sand that believes it will only becomes whole by eating Polnareff and the same happens when he creates a clone of Avdol. Before he can have the clones kill Polnareff, Avdol makes his grand return [https://youtu.be/JXj0qn0DBdQ "YES! I AM!"] After destroying Judgement, Avdol and Polnareff find Cameo hiding underground and do some good old male bonding into his breathing tube before being giving him his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS3nur6o6ME "HELL 2 U!"] Cameo's namesake is the singer of the same name, ''Cameo''.

*'''Midler:''' The final of the Tarot assassins sent after the Crusaders. Her Stand, High Priestess, can possess and transform any mineral matter. It took the form of a giant face to drown the Crusaders who were fleeing their sinking submarine, only for Jotaro Kujo MD to do some dental work on her, ORA ORA ORA style. Only seen in the manga and anime as being knocked the fuck out with her teeth knocked the fuck out of her mouth. When Capcom made the fighting game, they asked Araki to draw a more presentable design for her, and delivered with a [[PROMOTIONS|smokin' hot belly dancer.]] Araki apparently liked this design enough to make it canon, as it appears in later artbooks for the series. Some of her artwork in the PS1 game is redrawn art of Yukako Yamagishi from Part 4, most notably her character select portrait. Her namesake is the singer, ''Bette Midler''.

=====The Egyptian 9 Glory Gods=====
Marking the Stardust Crusaders' arrival in Egypt and the defeat of almost all of the Stands with names from the standard Tarot, these assassins, who all personally met with DIO were sent out to finish the Stardust Crusaders once and for all. All of their namesakes are the Egyptian Gods and they are, for the most part, just as dangerous as any of the previous enemies faced if not more so as most of them required some amount of teamwork to defeat.

*'''N'Doul''': A blind man who posses the stand: ''Geb'', which is a liquid-based stand capable of striking anywhere undetected by traveling underground. While ''Geb'' can be used from a long distance; N'Doul can't see, so he had to rely on vibrations he felt in the ground in order to track his victims. Despite [https://youtu.be/G8mW8SJUrZc?t=588 his handicaps], he was able to incapacitate most of the Crusaders, outmaneuvering Avdol and most notably injuring Kakyoin's eyes to a degree that he needed medical attention. He was defeated when Jotaro found him using Iggy and had a literal ''stand-off'' with him. He kills himself using ''Geb'' as an act of loyalty to DIO before talking about the other Egyptian 9 Glory Gods, something Jotaro respects and gives him a proper burial. "''I do not fear death, but I do not want to be killed by that man...evil needs a savior as well...''"

*'''The Oingo Boingo Brothers''': Brothers who are both stand-wielders and traditionally work as a pair. Oingo possessed "''Khunum''", a stand that allows him to alter his physical characteristics disguise himself as another person (albeit with limited success). Boingo possessed "''Tohth''", a stand taking the form of [[Just as planned|a manga that can predict the future with 100% accuracy]], but only immediate events and is a bit vague on minor details. Additionally, ''Tohth's'' predictions had to be obeyed down to the most minute of detail, otherwise, [[Not as planned|consequences will happen]]. The two originally attempted to assassinate the Crusaders, first using poisoned tea, then by planting a bomb disguised as an orange. However, a prophecy twist by ''Tohth'' made Oingo the victim of the explosion instead of Jotaro as the prophecy claimed (Oingo saw the prophecy twist a literal mile away but got caught in it anyways despite his efforts) while Boingo, along with his injured brother, was beaten up by a group hired by a wealthy man they had beaten and robbed earlier. Boingo eventually teamed up (albeit by force) with Hol Horse, who at first didn't really trust ''Tohth's'' predictions but gained full confidence after some trials; however, Hol Horse made a mistake in ''Tohth's'' prediction and ended up being incapacitated. Boingo decided to change and use his predictions for good but this was before being mauled by Iggy after accidentally kicking a wooden box at him. They're notable for causing the artstyle to change to be more abstract, with exaggerated features as this is how everything appears in Tohth's pages. The art change was expanded into giving them their own outro in the anime, where the [https://youtu.be/ZnC1sQXTCtI Brothers sing about themselves and their stands]. Their namesake is the band, ''Oingo Boingo'', which is censored to Oing & Voing in the PS1 game and later "Zenyatta & Mondatta", an album by "The Police", in other material.

*'''Mariah''': She's a hot brown Little Red Riding Hood with a stand that controls magnetism. By touching random conspicuous outlets, the Stand "''Bast''" allows Mariah to turn her victims into living magnets that can attract anything metallic, though the power of this magnetism is based upon how close she is and how much time has passed. Instigated some of the most comical moments in Part 3 by causing Joseph and Avdol to become magnetized and stuck together, leading to some awkward situations which were made worse by the fact that they were in public. Mariah was defeated when Joseph and Avdol were able to get on opposite sides of her and crush her between them, knocking her out. Her namesake is the singer, ''Mariah Carey''.

*'''Alessi:''' A bizarre, axe-wielding man who controls the stand , ''Sethan'', who takes the form of a shadow with eyes, a beak, and crest. Being Alessi's shadow, Sethan can reflect his actions and what he's holding to extend its reach and it can also make some parts of itself tangible in order to inflict physical damage. Sethan's most dangerous power is that anyone who comes into contact with it will forcefully age younger, and the longer the contact, the farther they go down. In a rather bizarre turn of events (even for the series' standards) Alessi turns Polnareff into an 8-year old boy, attempts to kill him but fails as he didn't count on a child still being able to summon a stand, and then loses him after being taken in by a female stranger after seeing Polnareff wounded on the streets. While the stranger was giving Polnareff a bath, Alessi de-ages the woman into a fetus as she was in contact with Seth for a prolonged period of time, [[Wat|which results in kid Polnareff running around fully naked while holding the dying fetus of his good Samaritan, while being continually de-aged and hunted by Alessi like a deranged pedophile]]. He is beaten by Jotaro after de-aging him to 7 years old, but he underestimated Jotaro's strength even as a child, which resulted in kid Jotaro knocking him out. Unfortunately for him, he was really ['''RETIRED!'''] after waking up and getting beat down by both Jotaro and Polnareff. A real sick fuck with a superiority complex who has no qualms about cutting up children with an axe. He's notable for recreating the [[meme|infamous]] [https://youtu.be/gpCUMdfRa9w "Heeere's Johnny!"] scene from ''The Shining'', and his ability to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjmfggHOvYo transform characters] in ''Heritage for the Future'', his namesake is the duo band, ''The Alessi Brothers''.

*'''Anubis:''' Anubis is a stand that inhabits a sword. This sword has the ability to pass through things it doesn't want to cut, the ability to memorize his opponents' moves (making sure the same tricks don't work twice), and the ability to possess whoever wields the sword. This makes Anubis a trifecta of a threatening opponent, and this leads to probably the longest fight in Jojo history between switching wielders five times from farmer named Chaka, a barber named Khan, Polnareff, and lastly, a child. The sword almost kills Jotaro after a long duel with Anubis and Silver Chariot, but he managed to outsmart Anubis and destroy most of the sword. In a last-ditch effort, Anubis possess a child who happened upon the remaining part of the sword's blade and had the kid throw him at Jotaro and Polnareff, but the child missed by accident and Anubis ended up phasing through a wall thanks to his ability, stuck in a cow's side before being lost at the bottom of the Nile River. Its an odd bit in that despite Anubis being forged in ancient Egypt, he is shaped and handled like a Japanese Katana (likely indicating history's first proto-weeaboo was Egyptian). Although, the original user's identity is never revealed, Chaka and Khan together have a namesake in singer, ''Chaka Khan''. In the PS1/Arcade game, Anubis is playable as three different characters, Chaka, Khan, and Anubis Polnareff (or Black Polnareff because putting "black" in your name and having your skin color change from white to dark brown apparently means "evil version").

*'''Daniel J. D'Arby (D'Arby the Elder):''' The only real fight the heroes '''''could'''''n't just punch, D'Arby is a professional gambler and cheater whose stand, "''Osiris''", works on psychology. Those who admit defeat in their minds get their souls ripped out and turned into poker chips for his games so long as it was bet. He's so '''''good''''' at cheating that he found a way to cheat a coin drop game against Joseph. Jotaro broke his two of fingers to keep him from sneaking cards when they set-up poker, but even this doesn't stop him having a kid who works for him rig the game regardless. D'Arby is defeated when, upon seeing ''Star Platinum's'' speed, he begins suspecting that Jotaro cheated even though D'arby himself has extremely '''''good''''' cards and ''knows'' that Jotaro '''''should''''' have a bad hand. When Jotaro keeps raising the bet, D'Arby psyches himself out so badly that in one of the most well-done scenes in the [https://youtu.be/WP1arj7AYuI Anime], [https://youtu.be/DoXR23BMAvU?t=1316 OVA], AND [https://youtu.be/v_GbKz0E8Nk?t=406 Abridged], he fails to call the bluff and has a complete mental breakdown His breakdown releases all of the souls he collected and becomes unresponsive when asked about DIO's stand. He's popular in the fandom for [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AI5bg6KEXXA his hilarious attempt at southern-accented Engrish]. He started the trend of gambler characters in later parts exclaiming "'''''Good!'''''" when a bet is made.

*'''Pet Shop:''' Dio's pet falcon, as much of a crazy motherfucker as any other assassin in the series. Its Stand, ''Horus'', has the ability to manipulate ice and can lay traps and launch spikes of it like homing missiles. It guards Dio's mansion and shows down with Iggy after it trespasses into the mansion grounds. Pet Shop's also infamous for being hilariously broken in any game he appears in (The Capcom fighter and Eyes of Heaven), because he's a flying bird with all the frozen [[Dakka]] he could ever need while everyone else is stuck on the ground, hence perpetuating the saying "FUCKING HORUS!" beyond the realms of the Imperium.

=====DIO's Caretakers=====
*'''Terrance J. D'Arby (D'Arby the Younger):''' D'Arby's younger brother who is highly proficient in video games and last of the Egyptian 9 Glory Gods. Similar to his brother, his stand "Atum" both sucks out souls when they admit defeat or are defeated by him and relies on psychology, which in this case, ''Atum'' is able to read the souls of his opponents to decipher their strategies, but can only decipher them through yes or no questions. Also, unlike his brother, he binds the souls of his victims into wooden dolls as trophies, [[Grimdark|complete with them being fully conscious]]. He's not as lulzy in terms of accents as his brother, but his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yieQpgvjAq0 video games deliver the encounter's much-needed Engrish].

*'''Kenny G.:''' One of DIO's more minor henchmen, his Stand is ''Tenore Sax'', which is an illusionary stand that manifests as an endless labyrinth. While seemingly a daunting foe; he was quickly detected by Iggy and disabled. Pretty much a joke character, but his Stand is notable for being named after an instrument rather than a song, band or performer.

*'''Nukesaku:''' The only one of DIO's henchmen not to wield a stand, Nukesaku is a runt vampire, who's only power besides being vampire is that the back of his head has a female face to disguise himself. Needless to say, even his only shtick was horrible and Jotaro decided to test his immortality but ORA ORA ORAing him into submission. He is killed by DIO after willingly leading the crusaders into DIO's main chamber.

*'''Vanilla Ice:''' DIO's most fanatical and powerful vampiric servant...who appears to have taken fashion tips from the Pillar Men. Vanilla Ice became a vampire after Dio tested his loyalty by saying he needed his blood to fully regenerate, where he went the extra mile by using his own stand to decapitate himself without hesitation. Impressed by his devotion (or maybe it was his [[/d/|massive bulge]]) DIO used his blood to resurrect Vanilla Ice, granting him near-immortality. His stand is named "Cream", a humanoid monster that has a unique ability where it swallows itself (and Vanilla Ice) in order to become [[Sphere of Annihilation|a null void, literally wiping out chunks of reality]] like the Eldar's D-Cannons. This power is so fucking awesome that it killed on of the main characters. Vanilla Ice himself killed another one by kicking him to death rather than swallowing them into his void. He would have likely killed Polnareff as well but Dio forgot to tell him that sunlight would incinerate him, which Polnareff used to kill him after he shrugged off every other attack used on him.

====Yoshikage Kira (Part 4)====
A serial killer with a really creepy hand fetish. As in, he chops off women's hands to make the severed hands into his "girlfriends", keeping them in fancy boxes and having romantic dinners with them... until they rot and he has to get a replacement. The worst part is that he's seriously obsessed with living an ordinary life as a mediocre person...while also being a serial killer with a really creepy hand fetish.

For the most part, he's watched over by his dad, who's now turned into a living photo thanks to developing a stand. Otherwise, he uses his stand "Killer Queen", a pink [[Felinid|catlike humanoid]], as a killing instrument. See, its power allows it to imbue objects with an explosive charge which he can set off at will. These explosions are so efficient that they don't leave any trace of his victim, which has led to his long career as a killer. The only thing that he chooses to leave behind is a hand, which he will usually have a relationship with despite being the hand of some girl he just murdered. "Killer Queen" also has two separate components to it. The first is "Sheer Heart Attack", a skull-faced tank-bomb that comes from his right hand. This bomb chases down any heat signatures, which makes it effective for hunting down solitary targets, but when crowded with many heat sources, gets disoriented easily. The second power he gains after switching faces with another person and stabbing himself with a Stand Arrow. This power, "Bites the Dust", is a tiny "Killer Queen" which kills a target at a certain time and will reset time as much as it needs to until Kira can find out who it is that died.

====Diavolo (Part 5)====
Diavolo is the boss of the Mafia group "Passione", though he never shows his face and operates under the pseudonym "Soliddo Nazo". He also has pink hair and doesn't wear a shirt, but he is anything but fabulous. His big goal is absolute control, and he considers everything, even family, to be a setback. Diavolo's main quirk is that he has a split personality. This personality, Vinegar Doppio, is a rather ordinary person who just happens to have pink hair and also imagines a phone ringing everywhere and then uses random objects like frogs or shoes just as a phone.

His stand, "King Crimson", is a red and white man with a tiny face on his forehead and has a power that's really difficult to understand. See, he can sort of see time as line from Point A to Point B, and then nullify anything that can happen between those points, like getting shot with a bullet. At the same time, everything stays where it was at Point B despite otherwise being rewound to Point A. There's probably a better way to explain it, but to do so would take too fucking long and leads to anything KC does getting summarized as "IT JUST WORKS". As Doppio, "King Crimson" has a secondary form called "Epitaph" allows him to see a few seconds into the future.

====Enrico Pucci (Part 6)====
The big bad of Part 6, a gay ex-Catholic priest who worships the ground Dio walks on and who seeks to use his Stands to rewrite reality as Dio would have wished it. We're not joking when we say he's gay, there's flashback scenes where they're laying in bed together (not naked, but their clothes are visibly ruffled). His Stand "Whitesnake" can swipe away other people's Stands or memories in the form of a disk. Pucci can then insert these disks into other people, allowing them to view these memories or use the Stand on the disk. "Whitesnake" later becomes "C-Moon", which can manipulate gravity. Then shit really hits the fan when he later attains the Stand "Made In Heaven" which can accelerate time ''and'' manipulate gravity. To make a complicated explanation a little easier to explain, as time continues to travel, the universe will hit a "vanishing point", and a new universe will be created, where everything repeats itself, according to "fate". Pucci can then alter this universe to his desire, basically making the perfect world that Dio always wanted. Ultimately, he gets fucked over by Weather Report and he ends up creating an entirely different universe, Jojolion, where both Dio and the Joestars exist.

====Funny Valentine (Part 7)====
The fucking president of the United States!
No, seriously, he's the 23rd President of the United States, a veteran of the Civil War with the fucking Stars and Stripes as scars on his back, and the real mastermind of the Steel Ball Run. His goal of the race? To recover the Corpse and use it to lead America to a new age of lasting prosperity. And that's why you don't fuck with this President!

Oh, and his Stand, "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" (D4C), which allows him to essentially jump between parallel universes. While anything else he brings will be destroyed the moment it comes into contact with its dimensional equal (meaning that he can find someone, drag him into another dimension, and collide him into his dimensional equivalent and kill them both), he is utterly immune to it and is able to replace himself by having his Stand transfer between Valentines. The issue, though, is that it is anchored to one universe: The universe where the Corpse originates from. Eventually, he does recover the Corpse, and at this point, he develops "Love Train", a secondary effect to "D4C" which sheaths him in a field of parallel dimensions. Anything that tries to hit him that passes through the field gets deflected and redirected elsewhere, allowing only good fortune near him. The issue is that it he has to leave this sheath in order to attack. Like Devo, D4C was a victim of copyright law, and in his video game appearances the subs are ''very careful'' to never refer to D4C by its full name. The writers still managed to make this as hilariously stupid as the rest of the series, though; Valentine's signature move in All Star Battle is renamed [[Derp|"Filthy Acts Performed at Fair and Reasonable Prices."]]

====Diego Brando (Part 7)====
[[File: Diego Brando.png|right|thumb|200px|Can you take a guess of what character he's based off of?]]
Essentially the JoJolion version of Dio Brando from the original series. Though he is [[Tzeench|calculating and callous]] like the original, he is much more considerate with his actions, not killing innocents left and right. However, he won't hesitate to absolutely destroy anyone who gets in his way. His backstory differs in that his father left him behind and he was raised by his mother longer than Dio's (though it was only until he was six). As the original rejected his humanity because it made him weak, Diego takes a different spin on it and [[derp|blames humanity as a whole for his misfortunes]]. He participates in the Steel Ball Run race against Johnny and Gyro, wanting the fatass cash prize at the end for himself.

His Stand, "Scary Monsters", has, arguably, the [[Jokaero|stupidest]] yet [[Trazyn the Infinite|most hilariously awesome]] power in Steel Ball Run and maybe JoJo as a whole. Scary Monsters allows Diego to transform into a blue-green raptor and attack his enemies. For whatever reason as a raptor he has "DIO" plastered over and over again all over his body. If he wishes Diego can simply change his body to have sharp teeth or claws. He can also infect people through bites and scratches and turn them into raptors that are under his control. Essentially he is a [[awesome|wereraptor]], which is awesome in every sense of the word. This even extends to his horse, which he turned into a colossal raptor than can climb up walls.

After being upped by Johnny and Gyro on several occasions, he teams up with Funny Valentine in order to gain some revenge and to find some of the Corpse Parts. But in a [[meme|sudden but inevitable betrayal]], Diego makes a 180 and tries to kill Valentine. Naturally, this fails.

*'''Diego 2: Electric Boogaloo:''' At some point in the story Funny Valentine uses D4C to nab another Diego from another universe to help him. He's basically Part 3's Dio with a different name and appearance. He's also still human, which limits his ability to use The World to stop time.

==Terms and Stuff You Need to Know==
===Ripple===
The Ripple, or "Hamon", or "Sendo", as its sometimes called, was a power introduced in Phantom Blood and used up until early Stardust Crusaders. Created by monks in fuckknowswhere-istan, this martial art(?) was created to specifically destroy undead zombies and vampires. The user, quite literally, harnesses the power of the sun via breathing. This can let the user empower their attacks and attain superhuman feats, including walking on water, or climbing slippery surfaces using only their fingertips. And for dramatic effect, the Ripple can transfer to metal and organic materials, making it unstable and acting like a weapon in of itself. Used creatively, ripple-infused weapons can include projectile bubbles, hair, bolos, etc. The last person to uses this was Joseph, who stops training in it after Part 2, and only uses it a couple times in Part 3. When he returns in Part 4, he's such an old man that he's incapable of even that (though to be fair, this was his choice. The Ripple could extend a person's natural lifespan considerably, but one guy still feared growing old, became a vampire, and then died because sunlight. Joseph opts not to do this.) Ripple is also a lot more situational than Stands, especially since Stands can pretty much say fuck you to reality itself.

*'''Spin''': The Spin is basically a new version of the Ripple introduced in Part 7. We're not joking when we say it's almost exactly like Hamon except it's far more flashy and when it comes into contact with objects it makes them spin rapidly(duh) by achieving the perfect rotational ratio of the Golden Rectangle (A rectangle that can break into a perfect square and a smaller rectangle with which to repeat this process, potentially ad infinitum). Gyro Zeppili is the most effective with the Spin, using it to charge and launch steel balls at his enemies, though Johnny eventually manages to pull it off using his nails.

===Stands===
[[File:Star Platinum Stand.png|thumb|right|200px|Jotaro's Stand "Star Platinum"]]
Stands are... weird to say the least. Getting their start in Stardust Crusaders, they are literal spiritual manifestations on a user's willpower and strength. The capabilities of Stands can vary absurdly, among the known powers are: stopping time, shooting out crystal projectiles, tossing marbles that are practically mini virus bombs, and punches so powerful they can break diamond. There are some stands that aren't combat oriented, such as spiritual photography, enhanced healing, or reading people's memories, but generally most are. This is complicated further by the fact that virtually anyone can be a Stand user, so ambushes by enemies are frequent. The first few were introduced were based of the tarot cards (Star Platinum, Magician's Red, etc), but from mid-Part 3 and onward they were named after Egyptian Gods, famous rock musicians and songs. Rolling Stones, Purple Haze, and ''fucking Metallica'' are Stands. This made later incarnations of Jojo to be an absolute copyright hell to deal with, since literally every Stand and maybe character can be traced to a band, person, or song. Many names had to be either adjusted or changed completely in localizations.

They also don't have much of a fixed way of manifesting either, with some people being born knowing how to use them (Avdol, Kakyoin), while the Joestars only developed it with Dio waking up, while others still had to get stabbed with magical arrows made from a meteorite or ending up in a weird mystic area and touching mummified body parts.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="100%">
While there are an array of inconsistencies with Stands, JoJo was nice enough to give this list of the rules for Stands.
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">
*A Stand protects its user, like a guardian. The name comes from "standing by" the user, sometimes using their powers without direct orders in order to protect the user, and by extension, themselves.
*A person can have only one Stand (though their Stand may evolve (e.g. Echoes, Tusk)).
*Not everyone is strong enough to acquire a stand, whether it's by the Golden Arrow or other means (such as Holly slowly dying from her own stand).
*Conversely, any living thing is capable of acquiring a stand, from babies, to animals, to ''plankton''.
*Stands can be inherited.
*A Stand is part of its user, and damage is usually reflected between the two. Usually, if a Stand's leg is cut off, its user will lose their leg as well. Certain aspects of some Stands, such as the armor of "Silver Chariot" or "The Fool", are immune to this effect. If the Stand is not exactly humanoid, they may reflect damage to their user's body relative to the area of the Stand that was damaged, or are an exception.
*Stands may only be seen by Stand users; the exception being Stands bound to physical objects (e.g. Strength; attached once to a boat).
*A Stand can only be directly damaged by another Stand. A Stand user however can still be attacked directly by a stand or conventional attacks.
*A Stand's energy or power is inversely proportional to their operating range. The further a Stand is from its user, the weaker it becomes – Long-range Stands and/or Stands' long-range abilities are simpler in mechanism. One exception is Red Hot Chili Pepper, an electricity-based stand that can travel anywhere that has power lines or aboard anything with a battery.
*Stands are usually bound to their user's body, but exceptions abound; Wheel of Fortune being bound to a car, and The Fool being bound to sand.
*When a Stand User dies, their Stand disappears with them.
*When a Stand is defeated, their user is either knocked unconscious or killed, depending on the level of injury.
*Stands allow people to see ghosts (since stands themselves are spiritual phenomena), a fact that becomes important to the plot of part 4.
</div>
</div>
*'''Stand Arrow''': Once, some time in the 70's, a meteorite crashed in Iceland. An exploration team was sent to bring it in, but suddenly killed each other. This rock would eventually find a way out, though...and then incorporated into a set of arrows. These arrows tend to kickstart the process of developing a stand by cutting or piercing someone, but the spiritual strain of the process could prove to be fatal to some. And if you get hit by one while owning a stand? Well, surviving tends to grant you an incredible new power, usually called a Requiem. It's known that about five of these exist: One was given to Enya Geil (an old lady serving Dio), and another found its way to Kira. Yet another was found by Polnareff, which is then handed over to Giorno. The rest are owned by Diavolo.
*'''Corpse Parts''': Okay... [[wat]]. If you thought all the aforementioned stuff above was strange, you're in for a real treat. So get this; in Steel Ball Run, a major driving part of the plot is that both the heroes and villains are searching for the body parts of what they believe to be the shriveled corpse of some long-dead Saint. Why they want them is that if they ''absorb'' the body part into themselves, they get a Stand and various other benefits, making them the JoJolion version of the Golden Arrow. Of course the various characters searching for it want it for various reasons, but those are the main benefits. Oh, by the way, it's later discovered that the Corpse Parts are actually the '''''body parts of Jesus Fucking Christ.''''' We ain't talking Communion or some shit; the literal, physical, holes-in-the-hands body of Jesus. Somehow his body made it to North America centuries ago and an earthquake split it into nine separate pieces and spread it throughout the U.S.

===Stone Masks===
These grotesque, fanged stone masks only appear in the first and second parts, but are vitally important to the story as a whole. Initially believed to come from the Aztecs, they are actually creations of the Pillar Men; intended to allow for the Pillar Men to overcome their weaknesses and become true gods. When placed on the face and smeared with blood, they drive spikes into a wearer's brain, transforming them into a vampire. Dio Brando became a vampire through the power of one of these masks.
However, when powered with the Red Stone of Asia, a gem that can amplify the powers of the sun, a vampire can effectively become immortal. When Kars does this, he not only becomes immune to sunlight and Ripple, but he also gains the ability to shapeshift into whatever he wants, such as gaining wings or turning feathers into fucking piranhas.
*'''Vampires''': Human beings transformed by the Stone Masks, vampires are essentially watered-down versions of the Pillar Men. They have similar traits, such as super strength, horrific flesh-manipulating powers, the need to feed on human blood and a vulnerability to sunlight and Ripple, but just don't stack up to the Pillar Men in terms of power.\

===Duwang===
If you're wondering why some people keep referencing "Duwang" or "ABAJ", it is a reference to an extremely poorly translated version of JoJo part 4, infamously known as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6S2Tj-3nmw the "Duwang" translation]. For the longest time it was the only available English translation, leaving a lasting impact on JoJo fans. The Engrish phrases used are so unintentionally hilarious that the dialogue was eventually ported over into fansubs for the anime version. Let's face it, JoJo is an extremely [[meme]]y comic, which seems to account for part of its popularity.

==JoJo Media==
*'''Manga''': Obviously, if you want JoJo in its original, true form, you can find yourself some copies or just read it online. Beware of the ever-changing art styles and hilarity. Something to note; Stardust Crusaders will be rereleased in hardback covers in fall 2016.

*'''1993 OVA''': An OVA for Stardust Crusaders that came out in 1993, but had a few more episodes were released sometime in 2000 that take place before the '93 OVA. Takes the arc far more seriously than the manga, with added gore and dramatic, tension-filled scenes.

*'''Fighting Vidya''': Originally an Arcade fighting arcade game, it was subsequently re-released for the Dreamcast and PS1 in 1998. This was pretty much the first contact many Westerners had with JoJo. Based on Part 3 and plays a lot like Street Fighter because it was made by Capcom, who at the time were also working on Street Fighter 3. Was available on the PSN and Xbox markets in the form of an HD release, but lacked a good amount of content and was taken down for some reason.

*'''PS2 Vidyas''': There are two other Vidya made around 2005, one detailing the events of Part 1 (Which was supposed to tie into the movie that never released), it's a level-based brawler that's kind of clunky. The other game details Part 5 and is a lot more polished, though it does skip a few fights here and there, and is more of a fighting game in the fact that you mainly fight one-on-one; coincidentally, it was also made by Capcom. They are, however, far more faithful to the original series as Araki was working on the stories to these games with everything that entails the Part 5 game even gives you bonuses for recreating scenes.

*'''TV Series''': A very well animated TV series by David Production made in 2012, which is responsible for the current Jojo resurgence. As of April 2016, they have fully animated and released Part 1-3, with Part 1 and 2 dubbed in English. Part 4 is ongoing and episodes are released weekly.

*'''All-Star Battle''': Another JoJo fighting vidya from 2013, but this time pulls characters from all eight arcs. Nothing really notable except that it's the most ''absolutely fucking fabulous'' game ever. For the international release, they managed to get very clever with avoiding copyright on the names of various characters , Stands, and attacks (e.g. Polnareff is Eiffel, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap is "Filthy Acts at a Reasonable Price", Vanilla Ice is Cool Ice and so on). To top it all off a number of characters have musical references in their theme songs some more clear than others; to name obvious, a bit of Back in Black in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cv_qe5oQoPo Esidisi's theme] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyVUX1tkY0M Kira] has Queen all over and even more in his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2K1E6wx_Sc EoH Theme].

*'''Eyes of Heaven''': ''Another'' JoJo vidya, this time a arena fighting game with a few more characters that weren't in All-Star Battle. Notable for its absolutely hilarious story mode involving time-travel, the other JoJo's meeting each other, and DIO basically becoming a [[Chaos God]]. The ending basically rewrites part 3 and onward to be a bit less [[grimdark]], in that Jotaro's entire party survives at the end, while Jotaro becomes a better father to Jolyne as he brings her with him at start of part 4. [[Dawww]].

[[Category: Weeaboo]][[Category: Under Development]]

Ordo Grammaticus

2016-11-05T16:44:05Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A:

[[File:Ordo gramaticus.jpg|frame|If you noticed that word "Gramaticus" is missing one m, we'd like you to consider joining us. Also, how good are you with a red pen?]]

'''Ordo Grammaticus''' is one of the most peculiar branch of The [[Inquisition]], specializing specifically in being the [[Imperium]]'s pissed off auto-correct. That being said, they don't only underline your mistakes with red; they also like to shove parchment with said mistakes in your mouth and make you write the whole thing all over, which is especially painful with that red pen of theirs stuck firmly in your butt (or eye if you've made '''REALLY''' stupid mistake). They justify this sadistic behavior by saying that they pursue the [[Emperor]]'s own dream of bringing humanity to it's perfection. That being said, they are especially touchy about religious scriptures, official documents and decrees, etc. That however doesn't stop them from down right bulling lower-class pheasants, some of which don't even speak Gothic and are trying to contribute in their own way and...*giggle...*bursts into laughter...

==OK, ok for real now==
...if you actually took all of the above seriously, then read up a little more on the subject (although some of it was based on reality).
In [[WH40k]] community people use the term '''Ordo Grammaticus''' for anyone who is essentially a grammar nazi. Although the latter term is more universal, Ordo Grammaticus is becoming more popular as a meme and as a fanfic trope that is starting to spawn new theories (more on that later).

==Grammaticus Inquisitors==
To identify one in real life you don't have to look further that your daily WH40k Facebook or Twitter page's comments and watch some poor bastard, who probably doesn't even speak English right or got into 40k just recently eat it by every single butthurt who is willing to jump on that brakeless Hatetrain.
Of course some may refer as such to people who just edit pages like me, and to people like that I would like to tell to shut THEIR FUCKING HERESY-SPEWING WARP RIFTS THEY CALL THEIR MOUTHS BEFORE I TAKE THIS RED PEN AND...*INTERMISSION*

==Theories==
Fluff-wise there are several theories about things that The Ordo may have stuck their noses into and since not much is known about them and they deny most of that not much you're free to make up your own opinion, just make sure it stays ''your own'' if you know what's good for you.

*'''Ordo Grammaticus vs Commander [[Boreale]]'''
The most notable theory says that, as [[Boreale|Commander Mr. Clean]] was becoming the Jar Jar Binks of [[Dawn of War]], Ordo Grammaticus couldn't just watch as he desecrates the holy name of <s>THE EMPERAH</s> {{BLAM}} [[Emperor]] and spreads his foul manner of "speech" among his own Battle Brothers. The theory even goes as far as that they themselves sent [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] to personally fuck his bald shit up and even that [[Cyrus]] was the one that provided him with the info to do so, being the sneaky bastard that he is. The theory even goes as far as saying that the loss of those 100 Baneblades was caused by a fucked up order on the Inquisition's part. Though this wasn't confirmed, there are rumors <s>of seeing one of the Ordo's (now former) scribes strolling around his home town blindfolded with something that appeared to be about a dozen pens stuck in his eye sockets</s> WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU HEAR THAT!?...ehm...I mean...Absolutely preposterous.

Ordo Grammaticus

2016-11-05T16:43:15Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: The Ordo Grammaticus needs to visit this page, ironically enough. Talk about embarrassing.

[[File:Ordo gramaticus.jpg|frame|If you noticed that word "Gramaticus" is missing one m, we'd like you to consider joining us. Also, how good are you with a red pen?]]

'''Ordo Grammaticus''' is one of the most peculiar branch of [[The Inquisition]], specializing specifically in being the [[Imperium's]] pissed off auto-correct. That being said, they don't only underline your mistakes with red; they also like to shove parchment with said mistakes in your mouth and make you write the whole thing all over, which is especially painful with that red pen of theirs stuck firmly in your butt (or eye if you've made '''REALLY''' stupid mistake). They justify this sadistic behavior by saying that they pursue the [[Emperor]]'s own dream of bringing humanity to it's perfection. That being said, they are especially touchy about religious scriptures, official documents and decrees, etc. That however doesn't stop them from down right bulling lower-class pheasants, some of which don't even speak Gothic and are trying to contribute in their own way and...*giggle...*bursts into laughter...

==OK, ok for real now==
...if you actually took all of the above seriously, then read up a little more on the subject (although some of it was based on reality).
In [[WH40k]] community people use the term '''Ordo Grammaticus''' for anyone who is essentially a grammar nazi. Although the latter term is more universal, Ordo Grammaticus is becoming more popular as a meme and as a fanfic trope that is starting to spawn new theories (more on that later).

==Grammaticus Inquisitors==
To identify one in real life you don't have to look further that your daily WH40k Facebook or Twitter page's comments and watch some poor bastard, who probably doesn't even speak English right or got into 40k just recently eat it by every single butthurt who is willing to jump on that brakeless Hatetrain.
Of course some may refer as such to people who just edit pages like me, and to people like that I would like to tell to shut THEIR FUCKING HERESY-SPEWING WARP RIFTS THEY CALL THEIR MOUTHS BEFORE I TAKE THIS RED PEN AND...*INTERMISSION*

==Theories==
Fluff-wise there are several theories about things that The Ordo may have stuck their noses into and since not much is known about them and they deny most of that not much you're free to make up your own opinion, just make sure it stays ''your own'' if you know what's good for you.

*'''Ordo Grammaticus vs Commander [[Boreale]]'''
The most notable theory says that, as [[Commander Mr. Clean]] was becoming the Jar Jar Binks of [[Dawn of War]], Ordo Grammaticus couldn't just watch as he desecrates the holy name of <s>THE EMPERAH</s> {{BLAM}} [[Emperor]] and spreads his foul manner of "speech" among his own Battle Brothers. The theory even goes as far as that they themselves sent [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] to personally fuck his bald shit up and even that [[Cyrus]] was the one that provided him with the info to do so, being the sneaky bastard that he is. The theory even goes as far as saying that the loss of those 100 Baneblades was caused by a fucked up order on the Inquisition's part. Though this wasn't confirmed, there are rumors <s>of seeing one of the Ordo's (now former) scribes strolling around his home town blindfolded with something that appeared to be about a dozen pens stuck in his eye sockets</s> WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU HEAR THAT!?...ehm...I mean...Absolutely preposterous.

Dark Dungeons

2016-11-05T01:57:42Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A:

{{Fail}}
{{Promotions}}
[[Image:0046_01.jpg|thumb|right]]
One of Jack Chick's most satirized [[Chick Tracts|tracts]] is '''''Dark Dungeons''''', which depicts a group of teenagers playing ''Dungeons & Dragons''.

When one player's character dies, the other player tells her: "Marcie, get out of here! YOU'RE DEAD! You don't exist anymore." The game master then tells the surviving player that she will teach her how to cast real spells, claiming that the [[Dying Earth]] style Vancian magic system of D&D was already preparing her for spell casting. The reader then sees a hidden underworld of dark sorcerers; Debbie starts casting real spells and with these magical powers is able to exert mind control over her father. This is followed by Marcie committing suicide because her character died. The game master tells Debbie that the game and her character are more important than real life. An evangelist comforts Debbie, telling her that in fact, it is Jesus who is most important. After going to a church meeting, Debbie eagerly converts and attends a book burning of D&D-related materials, at which the preacher calls the game "filth of Satan" and possessed of "demonic forces." This is what evangelicals actually believe. The full tract is in the gallery below.

Chick had been told by John Todd that C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. [[Tolkien]], both noted Christians, were satanic, so the original tract warned readers about these authors. Given Chick's virulent hatred of the Catholic Church, and how Tolkien was a devout Catholic, it's more likely that just caused him to shit even more. He removed said admonitions at the behest of the author's estate and the threat of legal action if he continued (libel suits in England are [[serious business]]). That didn't stop the film version from including it though...

==Black Leaf==
Black Leaf is the name of a thief played by the character Marcie in ''Dark Dungeons''. She is killed by a combination of a trap she failed to notice and one bitch of a DM that didn't even give her a saving throw. Marcie, tragically upset by the death of her character, later commits suicide by changing a lightbulb with her mouth. The couple panels with Black Leaf in them surface on [[/tg/]] every now and then and produce quite a bit of [[awesome|lulz]].

==Movie Version==
''It exists.''

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LADLv1803Vw Check it out, and brace for lulz].

==See Also==
[[Chick Tracts]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:0046_02.gif|The DM's next line should be "BITCH PLEASE! The monster fails its save when I say it does."
Image:0046_03.gif|I hate rolling up new characters too.
Image:0046_04.gif|My cleric got to 18th level, but the asshole DM didn't want to let me in '''''the real power'''''.
Image:0046_05.gif|Do you know any coven devoted do [[Promotions|Sune]]? Just askin'
Image:0046_06.gif
Image:0046_07.gif|Mind bondage leaves some collateral effects on the caster's face
Image:0046_08.gif
Image:0046_09.gif
Image:0046_10.gif
Image:0046_11.gif
Image:0046_12.gif|That's what you get for roleplaying instead of munchkinning
Image:0046_13.gif
Image:0046_14.gif|See? Min/Max or GTFO
Image:0046_15.gif
Image:0046_16.gif
Image:0046_17.gif|He was [[Monty Python|heavier than a duck]]
Image:0046_18.gif|Dungeon of Bondage? Hmm, [[/d/]]elicious...
Image:0046_19.gif|A fine example of Jack Chick misinterpreting the Bible.
Image:0046_20.gif
Image:0046_21.gif
Image:0046_22.gif|Do you remember the name of [[that guy]] that also loved burning books?
Image:enGeneral.gif|"The Next Step" probably being you turning into a [[lawful stupid]] [[paladin]], as the small cover suggests.
Image:JackChick34.JPG|Rule 34
</gallery>

[[Category:Dungeons & Dragons]][[Category:FAIL]]

Sisters of Silence

2016-11-01T02:27:00Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* After the Horus Heresy */

[[image:Sisters of Silence art.jpg|right|250px|thumb|Don't fuck with these crazy bitches!]]

:"''That's their function...aside from the fact that they fight like bastards. Got the pariah gene in 'em.''"
:--[[Leman Russ]], [[Primarch]] of the [[Space Wolves]], on the Sisters of Silence

The Sisters of Silence were an elite, all female order created by the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor of Mankind]] to man the [[Black Ships]] and round up a planet's renegade [[psyker]]s.

==History==
[[image:Sisters of silence.jpeg|right|250px|thumb|The Sisters of Silence. NOT ELDAR!]]
As stated, the Emperor formed this all female army at the beginning of the [[Great Crusade]] as a counter-measure against untrained psykers, which had increased at the start of the [[Age of Strife]]. To do this, the Emperor ensured that they were all [[Blank|pariah]]s, human beings with no presence in the [[Warp]]. As such, the psyker's abilities would have no effect on them, but would be cancelled out when they got close enough to them. In one of his odder decisions, the Emperor explicitly had the Sisters take literal vows of silence upon becoming full Sisters. They could communicate via several sign languages (including [[Space Marines|Astartes]] battle-sign) but would not speak a word upon completion of their training. To ensure communication between other branches of the [[Imperium of Man]], Sisters in training would serve as communicators.

The Sisters of Silence are also consummate warriors, trained to the same levels as the Space Marine Legions and using similar wargear, such as [[bolter]]s and [[power weapon]]s, as well as being covered in SoB-like power armour, albeit with no armored helmet or other head protection aside the massive [[Ork|jaw-like collar]] that hides their mouths, which leads to a lot of deaths from headshots during the burning of Prospero. As a military force they are formidable; during the Burning of [[Prospero]] they were deployed to augment the [[Space Wolves]] and the [[Adeptus Custodes]]. While this was more because the pariah gene would neutralize the [[Thousand Sons]] psyker abilities, they were more than capable of fighting with the Astartes. They would also in turn augment the Custodes, the [[Imperial Fists]], the [[Blood Angels]], and the [[White Scars]] during the [[Siege of Terra]], where the pariah gene became a boon fighting the [[Daemon]]s unleashed.

===After the Horus Heresy===
The fate of the Sisters of Silence following the [[Horus Heresy]] has not been completely documented yet. What is known is that the sisterhood was either abandoned, exiled or betrayed by the Imperium after the incarceration of the Emperor on the Golden Throne, and as a result the sisters had given up their vow of silence.

They refuse to recognise the Imperium in its political form as of M32, seeing it as a corrupted simulacrum of what the Emperor actually intended, but they still acknowledge the Emperor as the focus of their loyalty. Thus when their services are required again in the [[War of The Beast]] they accept the calling and return to Terra, where they are granted an audience with the Emperor in his sanctum on the throne; a privilege that not even the High Lords are afforded.

Also, according to a GW response to a question as how to field the Sisters (and custodies) they stated that both still exist. Now as to what the Sisters of Silence do is up for debate. But as it seems, they still exist. A common rumor is that they be added into the upcoming [[Sisters of Battle]] relaunch. If so, that would be an interesting revision; on the one hand, the Sisters of Battle, despite being designated withchunters, were lacking in the anti-psyker department. On the other hand, The Sisters of Silence, much like the Space Marines, are big believers in the Great Crusade era of the Imperium and likely won't mesh well with the [[Ecclesiarchy]].

==Tabletop==
Official crunch [https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Datasheets/Burning%20of%20Prospero%20Imperial%20Datasheets.pdf here] if you want your ministorum wax seal.

They count as Armies of the Imperium
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="5" align="left"
! || Pts || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Sister of Silence:''' || 15 each || 4 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 5 || 2 || 10 || 3+
|} 
Default squad size 5, max size 10.

'''Wargear''':
* '''Bolter'''
* '''Knife'''
* '''Psyk-out Grenades''': S2 AP-, Blast, causes Perils if it hits something that can generate warp charges. Also count as defensive grenades if charged by something that can generate warp charges.

'''Special Rules'''
* '''Bane of Psykers''': Re-roll all to-hit and gains Precision Shots/Strikes against things that can generate warp charges
* '''Psychic Abomination''': Anything capable of generating warp charges 1) doesn't if standing within 12 inches, 2) manifests warp charges on a 6 only, 3) suffers -3 Ld
** and any Blessing or Malediction cast on a unit (friend or foe) gets nullified if the SoS get within 12" or vice versa
* '''Fear'''
* '''Fearless'''

'''Upgrades''':
* One Sister can become Sister Superior (Character, +1 A) for 10 points
* Any model may swap Boltgun for:
** Flamer for 2 points
** Executioner Greatblade (S+1 AP2, two-handed) for free

'''Formation''': Null-Maiden Task Force 
Composed of 1 to 3 squads of Sisters. 
So long as two squads of Sisters are on the table, enemy players generate 1 fewer warp charge dice per turn. So long as ''three'' squads of Sisters are on the table, enemy players generate ''2'' fewer warp charge dice per turn.

So after yeas of speculating if GeeDubs will even give them rules at all we get... Sisters of Battle, essentially. At least in terms of statline. That wasn't too surprising overall, given they were never Astartes. Hitting at Ap2 with three attacks each on the charge can deal some respectable damage, even hitting at only Strength 4 under most circumstances. Though at a mere T3 with 3+ and none of the 6++ their successors got, they usually won't withstand whatever desperate fire the enemy will throw at them to keep them the fuck away from their psykers.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
SoS vs. TS Dred.jpg|Being in a Dreadnought does not make you safe from these Chicks.
SoS vs. EC Noise Marines.jpg|Even these Bastards are having a hard time dealing with them.
</gallery>
</center>

{{Imperium}}

Genestealer

2016-10-31T21:02:58Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Genestealer Cults */

[[Image:GenestealerBroodlord.jpg|thumb|right]]
''"Iä! Iä! Tyrannicus fhtagn!"'' - One of may unholy Genestealer Cult prayers

'''Genestealers''' are [[xenos|alien]] creatures in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe. They have undergone many [[fluff]] revisions since their inception, but they have always been lethal in melee (so deadly that [[Space Marine]] [[power armor]] is like tissue paper to them), preternaturally fast, pseudo-insectoid in form, and reliant on other species for reproduction. Basically Xenomorphs... IN SPAAA-wait a minute...

== Rogue Trader ==

In [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader]] (the first edition of Warhammer 40,000), Genestealers were simply one of many creatures encountered in space, spreading from the moon of Ymgarl; they could be extremely dangerous at close range, as each of their six strong limbs ended in sharp claws, and they had a gruesome lifestyle reminiscent of the Xenomorphs, but otherwise had little to distinguish themselves; notably, they were not connected with the [[Tyranids]] at all. Indeed, the core rulebook noted that Genestealers with [[human]] ancestry could be intelligent, and even friendly! Their natural form had an almost leech-like head, and they were specifically described as "vampirish." They also ignored armour saves until 4th ed. That was annoying.

== Space Hulk ==
When the [[Space Hulk]] board game was released a few years later, Genestealers received a significant bump in their threat level. The game made it clear that the Genestealers were a much more virulent and widespread menace than their initial description, and their head was changed to have a much toothier mouth. In keeping with GW's ripping off the Xenomorphs, Genestealers would use stealth to approach the Marine player's [[Terminators]] as "blips" of some unknown number of Genestealers, and then come out of hiding once they had a good ambush prepared. They achieved a super-human level of coordination via a hive-mind, represented by the Genestealer player having unlimited time to move his pieces.

== Later Editions ==
In later editions of [[Warhammer 40,000]], the Genestealers were revealed to be (or [[retcon]]ned into, depending on your point of view) vanguard organisms for the [[Tyranid]] Hive Fleets. They are capable of thinking for themselves and operating without the Hive Mind's leadership, a rare trait among Tyranids, although they are not synapse creatures. [[Space Hulk]]-era Genestealers were re-designated "Purestrain Genestealers," created by the Hive Fleets themselves.

Genestealers are sent to infest Space Hulks and spread among the stars. Their long tongues contain an ovipositor; when they encounter sentient humanoids, they [[Rape|use this ovipositor to inject a "seed" into the host's body]], combining the host species' genome with the greater Tyranid genome (hence the name Gene-stealer). The seed greatly alters the host's body on both physical and psychological levels over the course of a few hours, causing them to forget all about the infection and become subservient to the Purestrain's brood. The host is also driven to have children, even if they didn't want any before becoming infected; their partner does not have to be likewise infected, but it doesn't hurt. After the host is either pregnant or has impregnated another member of their species and gives birth, their viciously malformed offspring creates a hive mind connection between itself, its parents and the Genestealers. This connection and the mutations brought on by the Genestealer's seed proceed to subliminally twist the minds of both parents so that they unconditionally love their child and revere the Genestealers either as gods or as creatures sent by gods (the exact interpretation varies, you understand), usually fleeing into darkened tunnels, catacombs or sewers to avoid discovery.

They find the brood of Genestealers responsible and come together with kindred spirits -- that is, other Genestealer hybrids and their infected parents -- to form a community/family dedicated to the Genestealers in both body and soul. As the family grows, they will continue to isolate themselves and eventually form a Genestealer Cult. What follows is an ongoing process of hybrids breeding with captured and infected humans with their human parents kept around both as breeding stock and for nursing and child-rearing. The second generation hybrids aren't as ugly as their parents and more "normal"-looking, but still obviously alien. That however becomes a moot point once the third and fourth generation roll around, the fourth actually being virtually indistinguishable from actual full-members of their parent species. The uglier members and Purestrain Genestealers typically lurk in the shadows far away from civilisation, while the intelligent and "human" members infiltrate and spy in almost every sector of society. Their psychic network lets them communicate with one another, even though some of the less-human hybrids (and the Purestrains) are incapable of speech, and when it becomes large enough, it will act as a beacon to [[Tyranid]] Hive Fleets. These fleets travel at various different speeds according to various different authors although generally always slower than Imperial warp drives, which means it is impractical for them to travel blindly, so they home in on the signal created by a large Genestealer Cult. When their arrival is imminent, they will directly contact the Cult, which will then engage in a full rebellion, sabotaging their planet's defenses in preparation for the fleet. The fleet will consume the Cult along with everything else on the planet, but the Genestealers (and their hybrid servants) are <strike>just fine with that</strike> apparently not so fine with it. The Genestealer Cult faction are now Allies of Convenience with Tyranids. Battle Brothers don't eat one another.

It's like they attempted to make the already grimdark Xenomorphs even more grimdark by crossing it over with ''[[H.P. Lovecraft|The Shadow over Innsmouth]]''.

=== Genestealer Variants ===
The [[Broodlord]] is an Alpha Genestealer, being connected to the Hive Mind as well as being a psyker (Though he cannot use Warp Lance), thus allowing him to gain control over his burgeoning army of bastard children. The Broodlord's coming is often a time of great joy and celebration for the cult, as his coming is said to be a herald of the impending Hive Fleet invasion.

After the Purestrain infects a host, a Genestealer Cult will end up with members with various levels of Genestealer ancestry. In general, Genestealer Hybrids will breed with their non-Genestealer parent species, and their descendants will resemble that species, until (for some unexplained reason) the fourth hybrid generation, whose children will be Purestrain Genestealers capable of "founding" new Genestealer Cults.

The first Genestealer to infect a host (or hosts) grows larger and more intelligent with each mind added to the cult/family/whatever, eventually far surpassing its kin in strength, size and cunning, even becoming a powerful psyker. This Genestealer is known as the Patriarch, and like the Broodlord he is much beloved by the other members of the cult.

The [[Rogue Trader]]-era Genestealers also get a special mention, in the form of "Ymgarl Genestealers," a strain that supposedly comes from a population of Genestealers that got isolated on the moons of Ymgarl. They have tentacled, lamprey-like mouths and the ability to partially transform themselves depending on the circumstances, at the cost of being genetically unstable and only being able to feed on blood. In fact, they're so unstable that the Hive Mind deliberately abandoned them for fear that they would contaminate the Tyranid gene pool. Because of this, they compulsively seek to reach planets that have recently been visited by the Tyranids in a futile attempt to be reabsorbed into the Hive Fleets. If they weren't horrible monstrosities, their predicament would almost be pathetic. However, at some point between 5th and 6th Edition, the Ymgarl Genestealers lucked out and got absorbed into a Hive Fleet by some very desperate/caring Norn Queen. The result of this is that 6E Tyranids now have a Bio-Artefact (If you feel unclean about the name, that's natural) called the ''Ymgarl Factor'' that gives any Tyranid unit the same unstable properties rule, but now lack the assaulting from Outflanking.

=== Non-human Hybrids ===
As a final note, [[Warhammer 40,000]] fiction is very [[human]]-centric, and so most Genestealer infestations depicted have occurred among human populations, but the [[Ciaphas Cain]] novels have suggested that [[Tau]] and [[Orks]] are also susceptible to Genestealer infection. What, exactly, an Ork Genestealer Hybrid or a Tau Genestealer Hybrid would look like is the subject of much speculation.

It should be noted that Orks reproduce asexually by way of fungal spores they secrete from their skin, so it's pretty hard to envision an Orkified Genestealer actually working, or lasting beyond the first generation or two, since they have no ways of mixing genes to produce purestrains in time (Orks might just spawn all the hybrid generations in a single sporing in no particular order, and those subsequent generations might do the same.). Even if they could, the Orks have an inherent ability to determine if one of their own isn't proppa Orky and will inevitably krump the gits (Actually, old fluff says that greenstealers tend to like orks more than tyranids, as in the tyranid hive mind, master of all genetics, is INCAPABLE of breeding out the orkiness, this leads to greenstealer cults actually fighting back or corrupting the tyranids who've come to nom them.) that or be envious of the guy with built in Choppas and still krump em to get a Dok to glue them on his own hands. Purestrain genestealers descended from Ork hybrids tend to have denser musculature (and most likely greater physical strength), which suggests that while not as prevalent as human hybrids, they're not exactly rare either.

Tau, similarly, have certain complications to the procedure -- not counting the fact their Kroot allies can taste if a person is infected or not simply by tasting some of their blood, or the fact tau-tech is probably advanced enough to scan for this threat once they know about it. <s>Firstly, tau are implied to have much lower sex drives than humans. </s> Nope, Tau like it just as much as humans, it's just tempered by [[Grimdark|their authoritarian ideology]] when it comes to actually having kids. Tau explicitly practice caste-restricted bureaucratically arranged breeding processes; Tau don't have kids until their higher ups decide they should, and they don't even get to pick their own partners. Two tau get paired up by the decision of a committee, spend a couple of days off work and having sex, then separate and go their separate ways. This means the genestealer taint is seriously difficult to spread amongst the race. The caste-based structure of tau society also poses problems to any potential Tauified Genestealers, and that's without presuming the caste-system is now so inherent that different castes can't even physically breed with each other anymore.

While it probably is possible for Genestealers to infect the [[Eldar]], it's unlikely that they'd really get anywhere with any of the four varieties due to their highly advanced medical technology (all four, yes even the Exodites), universal emphatic abilities, very regimented lifestyles (Craftworld), and the fact that irregular psychic activity amongst them gets located and dealt with very quickly (all four, heck mind bulletry is pretty much the only thing the [[Dark Eldar]] ban). Thus it's going to stay as pretty much just a possibility for fa/tg/uys to wild mass guess over.

As for the [[Necrons]], they're fucking undead robots. If you even consider this possibility you're fucking ''retarded''.

== On the Tabletop ==

===Tyranids===
[[Image:Genestealers-in-the-grass.jpg|250px|thumb|right|[[Fist of the North Star|You're already dead]].]]In battle, both Ymgarl and Purestrain Genestealers are ridiculously deadly in melee, both in fluff and on the tabletop. On the tabletop, when a brood of Genestealers charges something, it's very unlikely to survive to the next turn unless it's a [[Land Raider]] due to their massive number of good strength attacks, rending, and high weapon skill that means they hit most things on 3s (seriously, these guys have higher weapons skill than a lot things made out to close-combat experts), not to mention that they are fast little fuckers. In the fluff, their claws are so damned sharp that they might as well be power weapons, slicing through armor and walls like a chainsaw going through a rice paper wall. Their hypnotic eye powers show up irregularly in the fluff, showing up in the Dark Disciples Novel but not Ciaphas Cain; Hero of the Imperium for example. The fact they are '''[[derp|faster than Eldar]]''' lets them laugh at any unit they charge/charging them, and they are usually deployed a-la Kroot Carnivores (parking them behind a windowless wall 12-18" from the enemy). Unlike Kroots though, they are not there to slow the enemy, they provide a hazardous area for the first turns and then, when the main force has reached their position, they jump out to help OMNOMMing.

Genestealers have a squad leader upgrade, which the 5th edition changed from an HQ to a troop choice, called the [[Broodlord]], which formerly had a major role due to the biomorphs it could use and psyker powers, but being reduced to a sergeant basically made it just add an extra punch, though it still had a better statline than any non Special-Character Space Marine HQs (except the CSM's daemon prince). Sixth edition turned broodlord into rape machine in challenges, as he able to bring down almost any independent character in the game without eternal warrior, while costing much, MUCH less.

Also take note that genestealers do NOT like [[Hellhound]]s. They bring the smell of burning chitin into [[rape|genestealer's breakfast]]. Avoid them at all costs. A Banewolf squadron will just make them shit out their guts under AP 3 fleshbane templates.

Thanks to 7th edition allowing "Come the Apocalypse" alliance this can be done once more! However, this is pretty much moot now that genestealers come with their own codex; aside from some extra vehicle choices, genestealer cults already come with their own human troops and tanks.

===Genestealer Cults===
Cults get a super-genestealer called a Patriarch, the progenitor of the cult, as the main HQ choice. There's also the Magus, acting as the cult's psyker, and the Primus, their version of a general/champion. The troops themselves are roughly similar to Chaos Cultists, Neophyte hybrids being armed with guns and improvised equipment, with Acolyte hybrids fighting better in close combat. The Cult can also steal guardsmen vehicles, namely the [[Leman Russ Battle Tank]], [[Chimera]], and [[Sentinel]], as well as their version of a Technical called the [[Goliath Truck]]. You can also just straight up steal Guardsmen and field them as Neophyte Hybrids. All cult members specialize in ambushing opponents, and get major bonuses from their leaders, but much like the [[Tau]] they fall into disarry should their HQ be killed. However, this is alleviated by the fact that HQ automatically pass "Look Out Sir!", meaning so long as you have enough meatshields you can keep them alive (hilariously enough, this can even be used in challenges for some serious trolling). And since cult leaders can summon in large numbers of reinforcements, you could be in for some real foot-slogging.

== Genestealer Army list ==
For those of you who wish to field these in their entirety rather than through a Tyranid army, well then you are in luck. The Fly Lords of Terra have come up with a list that can be used in Apocalypse games. But since this army has an underdog feel to it, you could get away with using it in standard games as well. Not only that but the file provides the reader with a conversion ideas section: http://www.belloflostsouls.net/2016/02/40k-genestealer-cult-deathwatch-rule-coming.html

https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Deathwatch/40k-rules-deathwatch-en.pdf

== Unofficial codices ==

*Fly Lords of Terra Genestealer Apoc codex [http://www.box.com/shared/lyyxvnpk48]
*So not only do genestealer cults have a codex now, but this man, Chris Showers, actually made a army of them! You'll have to Google Search them yourself, though, since the GamesWorkshop website *cough* [http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/content/article.jsp?community=true&catId=&categoryId=300005&aId=11600017] *cough* is slowly deleting anything that isn't the webstore.

==The Plague Returns ==
Guess who's back, bitches!
http://www.spikeybits.com/2016/02/breaking-new-genestealer-cult-rules-pictures.html

Deathwatch: Overkill started us out with rules and models for cultists, in this case various hybrids wielding mining equipment and a general leadership structure of a Genestealer patriarch, with hybrid preachers and enforcers. Then GW announced that they were doing a full codex, and if early impressions and rumors are anything to go by, it's gonna be ''fun''. Genestealer Cults are gonna be getting their own psychic discipline with 7 powers, 8 formations, wargear options, their own vehicle (a limo no less!), ''and'', it's looking like they'll have access to Imperial Guard vehicles too. Genestealers and hybrids catching a ride in Chimeras, or advancing alongside Leman Russes? ''Oh hell yes''.

== Gallery ==
<gallery>
File:Genestealer_orks.jpg| ORKY NIDS!!!!!!!!!!!
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Genestealer Cults (7E)]] - a general overview of the new army
*[[Genestealer Cult Creation Tables]] - why not generate your own Cult?
*[[Jeanstealer]] - One of /tg/'s creations. A rather confused Tyranid genestealer that is only driven to steal denim trousers.
*[[Hivestrain Azure]]- A fapfic about a particularly unusual strain of genestealer.
*[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Deathwatch/40k-rules-deathwatch-en.pdf Genestealer Cult Rules] 40k Rules for the new Genestealer Cult from Deathwatch: Overkill
{{Template:Tyranids-Creatures}}
{{Template:Genestealer-Cult}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Tyranid]]

Genestealer

2016-10-31T20:38:11Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A:

[[Image:GenestealerBroodlord.jpg|thumb|right]]
''"Iä! Iä! Tyrannicus fhtagn!"'' - One of may unholy Genestealer Cult prayers

'''Genestealers''' are [[xenos|alien]] creatures in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe. They have undergone many [[fluff]] revisions since their inception, but they have always been lethal in melee (so deadly that [[Space Marine]] [[power armor]] is like tissue paper to them), preternaturally fast, pseudo-insectoid in form, and reliant on other species for reproduction. Basically Xenomorphs... IN SPAAA-wait a minute...

== Rogue Trader ==

In [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader]] (the first edition of Warhammer 40,000), Genestealers were simply one of many creatures encountered in space, spreading from the moon of Ymgarl; they could be extremely dangerous at close range, as each of their six strong limbs ended in sharp claws, and they had a gruesome lifestyle reminiscent of the Xenomorphs, but otherwise had little to distinguish themselves; notably, they were not connected with the [[Tyranids]] at all. Indeed, the core rulebook noted that Genestealers with [[human]] ancestry could be intelligent, and even friendly! Their natural form had an almost leech-like head, and they were specifically described as "vampirish." They also ignored armour saves until 4th ed. That was annoying.

== Space Hulk ==
When the [[Space Hulk]] board game was released a few years later, Genestealers received a significant bump in their threat level. The game made it clear that the Genestealers were a much more virulent and widespread menace than their initial description, and their head was changed to have a much toothier mouth. In keeping with GW's ripping off the Xenomorphs, Genestealers would use stealth to approach the Marine player's [[Terminators]] as "blips" of some unknown number of Genestealers, and then come out of hiding once they had a good ambush prepared. They achieved a super-human level of coordination via a hive-mind, represented by the Genestealer player having unlimited time to move his pieces.

== Later Editions ==
In later editions of [[Warhammer 40,000]], the Genestealers were revealed to be (or [[retcon]]ned into, depending on your point of view) vanguard organisms for the [[Tyranid]] Hive Fleets. They are capable of thinking for themselves and operating without the Hive Mind's leadership, a rare trait among Tyranids, although they are not synapse creatures. [[Space Hulk]]-era Genestealers were re-designated "Purestrain Genestealers," created by the Hive Fleets themselves.

Genestealers are sent to infest Space Hulks and spread among the stars. Their long tongues contain an ovipositor; when they encounter sentient humanoids, they [[Rape|use this ovipositor to inject a "seed" into the host's body]], combining the host species' genome with the greater Tyranid genome (hence the name Gene-stealer). The seed greatly alters the host's body on both physical and psychological levels over the course of a few hours, causing them to forget all about the infection and become subservient to the Purestrain's brood. The host is also driven to have children, even if they didn't want any before becoming infected; their partner does not have to be likewise infected, but it doesn't hurt. After the host is either pregnant or has impregnated another member of their species and gives birth, their viciously malformed offspring creates a hive mind connection between itself, its parents and the Genestealers. This connection and the mutations brought on by the Genestealer's seed proceed to subliminally twist the minds of both parents so that they unconditionally love their child and revere the Genestealers either as gods or as creatures sent by gods (the exact interpretation varies, you understand), usually fleeing into darkened tunnels, catacombs or sewers to avoid discovery.

They find the brood of Genestealers responsible and come together with kindred spirits -- that is, other Genestealer hybrids and their infected parents -- to form a community/family dedicated to the Genestealers in both body and soul. As the family grows, they will continue to isolate themselves and eventually form a Genestealer Cult. What follows is an ongoing process of hybrids breeding with captured and infected humans with their human parents kept around both as breeding stock and for nursing and child-rearing. The second generation hybrids aren't as ugly as their parents and more "normal"-looking, but still obviously alien. That however becomes a moot point once the third and fourth generation roll around, the fourth actually being virtually indistinguishable from actual full-members of their parent species. The uglier members and Purestrain Genestealers typically lurk in the shadows far away from civilisation, while the intelligent and "human" members infiltrate and spy in almost every sector of society. Their psychic network lets them communicate with one another, even though some of the less-human hybrids (and the Purestrains) are incapable of speech, and when it becomes large enough, it will act as a beacon to [[Tyranid]] Hive Fleets. These fleets travel at various different speeds according to various different authors although generally always slower than Imperial warp drives, which means it is impractical for them to travel blindly, so they home in on the signal created by a large Genestealer Cult. When their arrival is imminent, they will directly contact the Cult, which will then engage in a full rebellion, sabotaging their planet's defenses in preparation for the fleet. The fleet will consume the Cult along with everything else on the planet, but the Genestealers (and their hybrid servants) are <strike>just fine with that</strike> apparently not so fine with it. The Genestealer Cult faction are now Allies of Convenience with Tyranids. Battle Brothers don't eat one another.

It's like they attempted to make the already grimdark Xenomorphs even more grimdark by crossing it over with ''[[H.P. Lovecraft|The Shadow over Innsmouth]]''.

=== Genestealer Variants ===
The [[Broodlord]] is an Alpha Genestealer, being connected to the Hive Mind as well as being a psyker (Though he cannot use Warp Lance), thus allowing him to gain control over his burgeoning army of bastard children. The Broodlord's coming is often a time of great joy and celebration for the cult, as his coming is said to be a herald of the impending Hive Fleet invasion.

After the Purestrain infects a host, a Genestealer Cult will end up with members with various levels of Genestealer ancestry. In general, Genestealer Hybrids will breed with their non-Genestealer parent species, and their descendants will resemble that species, until (for some unexplained reason) the fourth hybrid generation, whose children will be Purestrain Genestealers capable of "founding" new Genestealer Cults.

The first Genestealer to infect a host (or hosts) grows larger and more intelligent with each mind added to the cult/family/whatever, eventually far surpassing its kin in strength, size and cunning, even becoming a powerful psyker. This Genestealer is known as the Patriarch, and like the Broodlord he is much beloved by the other members of the cult.

The [[Rogue Trader]]-era Genestealers also get a special mention, in the form of "Ymgarl Genestealers," a strain that supposedly comes from a population of Genestealers that got isolated on the moons of Ymgarl. They have tentacled, lamprey-like mouths and the ability to partially transform themselves depending on the circumstances, at the cost of being genetically unstable and only being able to feed on blood. In fact, they're so unstable that the Hive Mind deliberately abandoned them for fear that they would contaminate the Tyranid gene pool. Because of this, they compulsively seek to reach planets that have recently been visited by the Tyranids in a futile attempt to be reabsorbed into the Hive Fleets. If they weren't horrible monstrosities, their predicament would almost be pathetic. However, at some point between 5th and 6th Edition, the Ymgarl Genestealers lucked out and got absorbed into a Hive Fleet by some very desperate/caring Norn Queen. The result of this is that 6E Tyranids now have a Bio-Artefact (If you feel unclean about the name, that's natural) called the ''Ymgarl Factor'' that gives any Tyranid unit the same unstable properties rule, but now lack the assaulting from Outflanking.

=== Non-human Hybrids ===
As a final note, [[Warhammer 40,000]] fiction is very [[human]]-centric, and so most Genestealer infestations depicted have occurred among human populations, but the [[Ciaphas Cain]] novels have suggested that [[Tau]] and [[Orks]] are also susceptible to Genestealer infection. What, exactly, an Ork Genestealer Hybrid or a Tau Genestealer Hybrid would look like is the subject of much speculation.

It should be noted that Orks reproduce asexually by way of fungal spores they secrete from their skin, so it's pretty hard to envision an Orkified Genestealer actually working, or lasting beyond the first generation or two, since they have no ways of mixing genes to produce purestrains in time (Orks might just spawn all the hybrid generations in a single sporing in no particular order, and those subsequent generations might do the same.). Even if they could, the Orks have an inherent ability to determine if one of their own isn't proppa Orky and will inevitably krump the gits (Actually, old fluff says that greenstealers tend to like orks more than tyranids, as in the tyranid hive mind, master of all genetics, is INCAPABLE of breeding out the orkiness, this leads to greenstealer cults actually fighting back or corrupting the tyranids who've come to nom them.) that or be envious of the guy with built in Choppas and still krump em to get a Dok to glue them on his own hands. Purestrain genestealers descended from Ork hybrids tend to have denser musculature (and most likely greater physical strength), which suggests that while not as prevalent as human hybrids, they're not exactly rare either.

Tau, similarly, have certain complications to the procedure -- not counting the fact their Kroot allies can taste if a person is infected or not simply by tasting some of their blood, or the fact tau-tech is probably advanced enough to scan for this threat once they know about it. <s>Firstly, tau are implied to have much lower sex drives than humans. </s> Nope, Tau like it just as much as humans, it's just tempered by [[Grimdark|their authoritarian ideology]] when it comes to actually having kids. Tau explicitly practice caste-restricted bureaucratically arranged breeding processes; Tau don't have kids until their higher ups decide they should, and they don't even get to pick their own partners. Two tau get paired up by the decision of a committee, spend a couple of days off work and having sex, then separate and go their separate ways. This means the genestealer taint is seriously difficult to spread amongst the race. The caste-based structure of tau society also poses problems to any potential Tauified Genestealers, and that's without presuming the caste-system is now so inherent that different castes can't even physically breed with each other anymore.

While it probably is possible for Genestealers to infect the [[Eldar]], it's unlikely that they'd really get anywhere with any of the four varieties due to their highly advanced medical technology (all four, yes even the Exodites), universal emphatic abilities, very regimented lifestyles (Craftworld), and the fact that irregular psychic activity amongst them gets located and dealt with very quickly (all four, heck mind bulletry is pretty much the only thing the [[Dark Eldar]] ban). Thus it's going to stay as pretty much just a possibility for fa/tg/uys to wild mass guess over.

As for the [[Necrons]], they're fucking undead robots. If you even consider this possibility you're fucking ''retarded''.

== On the Tabletop ==

===Tyranids===
[[Image:Genestealers-in-the-grass.jpg|250px|thumb|right|[[Fist of the North Star|You're already dead]].]]In battle, both Ymgarl and Purestrain Genestealers are ridiculously deadly in melee, both in fluff and on the tabletop. On the tabletop, when a brood of Genestealers charges something, it's very unlikely to survive to the next turn unless it's a [[Land Raider]] due to their massive number of good strength attacks, rending, and high weapon skill that means they hit most things on 3s (seriously, these guys have higher weapons skill than a lot things made out to close-combat experts), not to mention that they are fast little fuckers. In the fluff, their claws are so damned sharp that they might as well be power weapons, slicing through armor and walls like a chainsaw going through a rice paper wall. Their hypnotic eye powers show up irregularly in the fluff, showing up in the Dark Disciples Novel but not Ciaphas Cain; Hero of the Imperium for example. The fact they are '''[[derp|faster than Eldar]]''' lets them laugh at any unit they charge/charging them, and they are usually deployed a-la Kroot Carnivores (parking them behind a windowless wall 12-18" from the enemy). Unlike Kroots though, they are not there to slow the enemy, they provide a hazardous area for the first turns and then, when the main force has reached their position, they jump out to help OMNOMMing.

Genestealers have a squad leader upgrade, which the 5th edition changed from an HQ to a troop choice, called the [[Broodlord]], which formerly had a major role due to the biomorphs it could use and psyker powers, but being reduced to a sergeant basically made it just add an extra punch, though it still had a better statline than any non Special-Character Space Marine HQs (except the CSM's daemon prince). Sixth edition turned broodlord into rape machine in challenges, as he able to bring down almost any independent character in the game without eternal warrior, while costing much, MUCH less.

Also take note that genestealers do NOT like [[Hellhound]]s. They bring the smell of burning chitin into [[rape|genestealer's breakfast]]. Avoid them at all costs. A Banewolf squadron will just make them shit out their guts under AP 3 fleshbane templates.

Thanks to 7th edition allowing "Come the Apocalypse" alliance this can be done once more! However, this is pretty much moot now that genestealers come with their own codex; aside from some extra vehicle choices, genestealer cults already come with their own human troops and tanks.

===Genestealer Cults===
Cults get a super-genestealer called a Patriarch, the progenitor of the cult, as the main HQ choice. There's also the Magus, acting as the cult's psyker, and the Primus, their version of a general/champion. The troops themselves are roughly similar to Chaos Cultists, Neophyte hybrids being armed with guns and improvised equipment, with Acolyte hybrids fighting better in close combat. The Cult can also steal guardsmen vehicles, namely the [[Leman Russ Battle Tank]], [[Chimera]], and [[Sentinel]], as well as their version of a Technical called the [[Goliath Truck]]. You can also just straight up steal Guardsmen and field them as Neophyte Hybrids. All cult members specialize in ambushing opponents, and get major bonuses from their leaders, but much like the [[Tau]] they fall into disarry should their HQ be killed. However, this is alleviated by the fact that HQ automatically pass "Look Out Sir!", meaning so long as you have enough meatshields you can keep them alive.

== Genestealer Army list ==
For those of you who wish to field these in their entirety rather than through a Tyranid army, well then you are in luck. The Fly Lords of Terra have come up with a list that can be used in Apocalypse games. But since this army has an underdog feel to it, you could get away with using it in standard games as well. Not only that but the file provides the reader with a conversion ideas section: http://www.belloflostsouls.net/2016/02/40k-genestealer-cult-deathwatch-rule-coming.html

https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Deathwatch/40k-rules-deathwatch-en.pdf

== Unofficial codices ==

*Fly Lords of Terra Genestealer Apoc codex [http://www.box.com/shared/lyyxvnpk48]
*So not only do genestealer cults have a codex now, but this man, Chris Showers, actually made a army of them! You'll have to Google Search them yourself, though, since the GamesWorkshop website *cough* [http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/content/article.jsp?community=true&catId=&categoryId=300005&aId=11600017] *cough* is slowly deleting anything that isn't the webstore.

==The Plague Returns ==
Guess who's back, bitches!
http://www.spikeybits.com/2016/02/breaking-new-genestealer-cult-rules-pictures.html

Deathwatch: Overkill started us out with rules and models for cultists, in this case various hybrids wielding mining equipment and a general leadership structure of a Genestealer patriarch, with hybrid preachers and enforcers. Then GW announced that they were doing a full codex, and if early impressions and rumors are anything to go by, it's gonna be ''fun''. Genestealer Cults are gonna be getting their own psychic discipline with 7 powers, 8 formations, wargear options, their own vehicle (a limo no less!), ''and'', it's looking like they'll have access to Imperial Guard vehicles too. Genestealers and hybrids catching a ride in Chimeras, or advancing alongside Leman Russes? ''Oh hell yes''.

== Gallery ==
<gallery>
File:Genestealer_orks.jpg| ORKY NIDS!!!!!!!!!!!
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Genestealer Cults (7E)]] - a general overview of the new army
*[[Genestealer Cult Creation Tables]] - why not generate your own Cult?
*[[Jeanstealer]] - One of /tg/'s creations. A rather confused Tyranid genestealer that is only driven to steal denim trousers.
*[[Hivestrain Azure]]- A fapfic about a particularly unusual strain of genestealer.
*[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Deathwatch/40k-rules-deathwatch-en.pdf Genestealer Cult Rules] 40k Rules for the new Genestealer Cult from Deathwatch: Overkill
{{Template:Tyranids-Creatures}}
{{Template:Genestealer-Cult}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Tyranid]]

Stormtrooper

2016-10-31T03:41:24Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Warhammer 40k */

[[File:Stormtrooper1.jpg|right|300px|thumb|"I smoke Marblo, you smoke cock."]]
Named after the elite World War I German military units who used infiltration tactics to overtake enemy trenches.

Thinking these guys are the same as their [[Star Wars]] equivalents will teach you a quick and decisive lesson in getting your ass kicked.

== Warhammer 40k ==
The elite of the [[Imperial Guard]], and the core of the [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Militarum Tempestus(7E)|Militarum Tempestus]], the Stormtroopers (officially called Tempestus Scions, [[Skub|but who cares about that]]) are the best general-combat infantry that the Imperial Guard can field, and are the toughest, best-equipped, and best-trained soldiers available to an Imperial commander that isn't a [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHREEN]]. <s>They're one of only three infiltrators the Guard gets, and one of only two deep strikers (other being [[Sly Marbo|Guardsman Marbo]])</s> Sorry, along with the name 'Stormtrooper', infiltration is gone for them. While most of the Guard is armed with your typical [[Lasgun|angry flashlight]] and Flak Armor or Flak Vest, Stormtroopers normally pack Hotshot [[Lasgun]]s, which fire much more penetrating shots that are capable of piercing most infantry armor with ease, and they are clad in Carapace Armor, which gives them substantially higher survivability on the battlefield.

In earlier editions of the game, they were favored as "Light Marines," since they had fairly similar performance to Space Marines but cost considerably less due to their weaker gear. As of the new edition, they're now a dedicated elite choice, with all the pros and cons that implies. Unless you use their new codex, of course. Then they become troops.

There are many different types of stormtroopers, all depending on their homeworld. [[Cadia]] for example fields Kasrkin, Armageddon fields Steel Legion Stormtroopers, Death Korps field Grenadiers, and the [[Harakoni Warhawks]] are made up of only stormtroopers. The Inquisition also fields their own branch called the "Inquisitorial Stormtroopers", who form the Inquisition's main offensive force. Regardless of their appearance or gear, they're all incredibly potent if used correctly.

Unfortunately, in terms of actual models, the only stormtroopers you can currently get (besides the Death Korps Grenadiers) are the Tempestus Scions. If you're lucky, GW may have some Kasrkin available for Made-to-Order, but only some of the time, and only in metal.

With the exception of the Kasrkin (and probably Death Korps Grenadiers, since dead men don't care for glory), who are revered and respected amongst Cadia, the average Guardsman in the street can't stand them, referring to them as "glory boys" and resenting the fact that they're a good deal less likely to die given that they're given better equipment than standard issue cardboard armor with a flashlight. This is likely due to the fact that Kasrkin are way more badass (not to mention the fact that they are looked up to by the average Guardsman). And unlike most stormtroopers, who are raised and trained in the prestigious [[Schola Progenium]], Kasrkin are all trained right on Cadia and experience the same hellish conditions as everyone else. They also strongly believe that THIS WILL BE DA DAY UF GLOREE.

===In [[Dawn of War]]===
Kasrkin (The stormtroopers of Cadia) are available for the Imperial Guard starting in Winter Assault, and they're one of the better choices the Guard has. They suffer the same problem that almost every unit in Winter Assault has, however, in that they're redundant - they utterly replace Guardsmen by Tier 3 in that game, and in every game of WA that makes it that far, your sole mission objective from then on is to spam Kasrkin endlessly.

In the later games - Dark Crusade and Soulstorm - their numbers were hardcapped, ergo ensuring that you can only use one squad at a time. Also added in as a main unit in the Inquisition Daemonhunt mod/Ultimate Apocalypse.

Also made hideously OP after Dark Crusade's infamous moving debuff, as their ridiculous rate of fire meant that even with 15% hit chance they were still going to get a decent DPS

===In Dawn of War 2===
Stormtroopers are DoW 2's equivalent of DOW's Kasrkin, they appear in all games but only become widely playable during Retribution, where the Guard becomes a playable faction. You only fight alongside them in the original DoW 2 and you get to control two squads of them on one mission during Chaos Rising. They use Hot-Shot lasguns with armor-piercing effects. Stormtroopers can be upgraded with multiple "kits" that lets them be more effective to different targets and fit certain circumstances.

The kits are:
* Assault kit, which increases their damage output and range and reload speed, but now actually costs something and makes them take more damage as well. Usually passed up in favour of melta, but still useful for dealing with some elite infantry and commanders.
* Anti-tank kit, which easily makes them the best hunter-killer unit the Imperial Guard have available in the game. Their melta guns and melta bombs allow them to wreck vehicles, fuck up enemy power supplies, and to a lesser extent, tear up enemy commanders and superheavies.

Unlike their original appearance in DoW, stormtroopers this time round actually have a role other than being guardsman squad 2.0. Their weapon options and ability to infiltrate make them ideal for removing high priority targets like enemy vehicles, elite units, or commanders. They can also be used to disrupt power supplies and decap points. Although stormtroopers are a bit tougher and have more [[dakka]] than regular guardsmen, their unit size is much smaller (compare 5 troopers to an infantry squad's maximum of 12) and they fare even worse in melee. With the addition of a sergeant and [[commissar]], guardsman infantry squads can reinforce three troopers at a time for a fraction of the cost of a stormtrooper, which makes them a whole lot more resilient in the field when combined with a reinforcement point such as a [[Chimera]].

===On Tabletop===
Stormtroopers are difficult to classify in tabletop. Many players eschew them, since the Imperial Guard can field cheaper <STRIKE>Infiltrators with</STRIKE> carapace armor (and better range as part of the bargain) via Veteran Squads, and Veterans have Objective Secured as part of the bargain (but so can Scions in their own codex). On the other hand, Stormtroopers Deep Strike <STRIKE> or infiltrate by default</STRIKE>, come with AP3 weapons (which means they are the bane of not only marines, but other infantry armies, such as [[Dark Eldar]], [[Eldar]], and especially [[Tyranids]] (as if the bugs needed even more ass kicking). However, Veterans are a heck of a lot cheaper and are generally more flexible given that they can either take carapace armour, or for even cheaper (heh heh), get stealth and those mine things that stop the enemy getting +1 attack on the charge.
TL:DR The only differences between Storm Troopers and Veterans is that Veterans can choose between 3 squad upgrades and have longer range (but no ap) and the Scions get deep strike and AP3 lasguns with a 4+ save standard.
A Stormtrooper Squad used to come with one of the following rules: 
Deep Strike 
Move Through Cover

With the new codex, [[Derp|they just get]] [[Awesome|deep striking and move through cover]]. While this is <STRIKE>considerably less customisable</STRIKE> awesome, it does tie in better with the new "army of faceless, identical elite soldiers who all obey orders perfectly" vibe GW pushed through with their new cdex.

Where Stormtroopers come into their own, however, is as surgical strike units. Suffice to say, Stormtroopers are amazing units when used for target elimination - nobody likes taking AP3 fire from anything(except, you know, [[MEQ|TEQ]]) they also provide easy deep-striking meltas that the [[Imperial Guard]] lacks, and are a comparatively mobile and deadly force, who have average to good basic guns and lots of cheap special weapons. Stormtroopers can take an attached transport in the form of a [[Chimera]] or a [[Taurox|Taurox Prime]], to make them even more mobile after they deep strike.

They can also be taken as a stand-alone army thanks to their new Codex:Militarum Tempestus, giving an effective and killy surgical strike to any other army. Tactics and review can be found [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Militarum Tempestus(7E)|here]]. This codex effectively makes Inquisitoral stormtroopers viable again - it can ally with Inquisition as Battle-Brothers. That alone makes it awesome and full of win - even if it is extremely small and doesn't include anything special except dedicated orders.

A common joke amongst /tg/ is that in order to win, you must spam '''MOAR STORMTROOPERS'''.

{{Template:Imperial-Guard}}
{{Template:Inquisition}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]]

Inquisition

2016-10-31T02:52:33Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* On the Tabletop */

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nf_Y4MbUCLY '''NOBODY EXPECTS THE IMPERIAL INQUISITION!''']
 - ''Lord Inquisitor Ximénez''

''It does not follow that because the devil has been given power over someone on account of his sins, that power must come to an end on the cessation of the sin.''
[[File:Inquisitorial_Symbol.png|thumb|100px|right|The official seal and symbol of the Inquisition. Variations exist.]]
- Malleus Maleficarum

Also known as the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]]'s pet psychopaths - at least according to [[Commissar]] [[Ciaphas Cain|Cain]]. Strange how he gets away with this [[heresy]]. (It was because the Inquisitor writing it was his lover, he was probably dead when it was published and she probably agreed with him on the matter in regards to many of her colleagues.)

MP jokes aside, the Holy Orders of the Officio Inquisitorus, or just Inquisition, are the "secret" police and internal investigators of the [[Imperium of Man]], the eponymous hunters of the alien, the mutant and the heretic. The inquisition is a semi-omnipotent organization that has authority over every other organization and watch every single life in the Imperium for the slightest signs of heresy 1984-Big Brother style. On the plus side, though, literally ANYONE can become an inquisitor if they really impress and win all their FOR THE EMPRAH rolls; really, even hab worker #343332791984. The Emperor and his guards are the only people in the Imperium beyond their jurisdiction; even the High Lords can be (and were) subject to Inquisitorial investigation. Plus they're FUCKING ASSHOLES! (Most of them, but there are a couple that are sympathetic. Key word being COUPLE.)

==History==
[[Image:Inquisitors.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Bet you weren't expecting that.]]

So when it became obvious that the Emperor's plan to starve the [[Chaos Gods]] with [[Imperial Truth|atheism]] was a failure due to the [[Horus Heresy]], the Big E ordered [[Malcador the Sigillite]] with the formation of the Inquisition. Charged with finding "men of character" to seek out the [[heresy|heretic]], the [[xenos|xeno]], the [[daemon]], and the unexpecting, the Inquisition serves as the secret protectors (or murderers) of the [[Imperium of Man]], guarding it from those who would destroy it from within, from without, and from [[Warp|beyond]].

The Inquisition began with the [[Knights-Errant]], a group of proto-Grey Knights drafted from Loyalist Space Marines (including those formerly from Legions that had turned traitor) that were active during the Heresy, forming the beginnings of the Ordo Malleus (the Ordo Malleus wouldn't form proper until the Inquisition also made the Ordo Xenos). Over time, the other ordos were added; the Ordo Xenos after the [[War of The Beast]] (partly to manage the brand new [[Deathwatch]]), the Ordo Sicarius after [[The Beheading]], and the Ordo Hereticus after the [[Age of Apostasy]], and so on. Over time, the Inquistion's overall mission became less about fighting the machinations of Chaos so much as preserving the status quo as much as possible, as deviance was to be interpreted as disloyalty, and therefore, Heresy.

As part of their duties, [[Inquisitor]]s have damn near unlimited power, up to and including [[Exterminatus|the destruction of worlds]]. If they have good cause, they can demand service from anyone, from lowly citizens to the [[High Lords of Terra]]. The only people officially exempt from this are the [[Adeptus Custodes]], who can legitimately say they have a more important job in guarding the Emperor on the Golden Throne. In practice, though, Inquisitors tend to at least say "please" and "thank you" when they require service from the more powerful Imperial organizations, especially [[Space Marines]], since they tend to get turfy about taking orders from any non-Space Marine save the Emprah. Those who don't tread lightly tend to get a close encounter with a [[chainsword]].

"''Innocence proves nothing.''"

Inquisitorial motto

==On the Tabletop==

In the past, the Inquisition was represented by three different armies, that being the [[Daemonhunters]], [[Witchhunters]], and <s>[[Alienhunters]]</s> Okay that last one doesn't have any genuine tabletop representation. However, these armies ended up being split apart, with their chambers militant effectively becoming independent armies with their own codices as the [[Grey Knights]], [[Sisters of Battle]], and [[Deathwatch]] respectively. The disadvantage to this move was that these new armies suffered from a lack of unit choices, especially the Sisters of Battle, who lack the variety in vehicle and infantry support normally enjoyed by other factions such as the Space Marines. Realistically, unless you're up against an equally under-equipped enemy, allying up with another force is practically a necessity.

As for the Inquisitors themselves, you could still field them, but only as an allied detachment to a mainline army, such as the Imperial Guard. And like the factions mentioned above, they lost not just their chamber militants, but also their basic troops in the form of Inquisitorial [[Stormtrooper]]s (in fact the Inquisition can't field troops at all, only elites in the form of henchmen). They do have a few unique units like [[Jokaero]] and [[Crusaders]], but without some cheap units to help screen the enemy you'll end up with an expensive and easily outnumbered army, as you can only take 36 henchmen at most per inquisitor. However, they do come with a number of transports (including the nominally [[Space Marine]]-only [[Land Raider]]), which can be a boon to armies lacking in vehicle options. And if you want to bring [[Officio Assassinorum|assassins]] with you, you'll get them through the inquisitor. Besides, fluff-wise an Inquisitor would normally want plenty of meat-shields to do the shooting for them anyways.

== Organization ==

[[File:PPI.jpg|thumb|right|300px|[[Heresy]], [[chaos]], and [[xenos]]. These were the most dangerous threats to the [[Imperium]] that were foreseen, but the [[Emprah]] of Mankind suddenly foresaw something more threatening than the three: EXTRA HERESY. Thus, the Inquisition was born! Using their ultra abusive authority, the [[Ordo Malleus]], [[Ordo Hereticus|Hereticus]], and [[Ordo Xenos|Xenos]] have dedicated their lives to defending the Imperium, and killing the enemies of the Emprah!]]

The Inquisition is unique among Imperial departments in that it has no formal definition of a hierarchy or structure. However, [[Inquisitor]]s with common interests tend to band together to tackle issues too large for a single Inquisitor, and over time, these coalitions have coalesced into bodies called ''Ordos'' which specialize in handling a particular class of threat to the Imperium. Inquisitors will also form looser, smaller groups called ''conclaves'' to handle specific threats -- for example, a single [[Tyranid]] invasion, or threats pertaining to a particular planet. Conclaves usually include members of a single Ordo, but there's no rule against having multiple Ordos represented, and some Inquisitors actively form conclaves with experts in diverse fields.

There are three ''Ordos Majoris'' in the Inquisition:

*[[Daemonhunters|Ordo Malleus]] - They are guys who hunt [[daemon|daemons.]] This branch works with the [[Grey Knights]].
*[[Witch Hunters|Ordo Hereticus]] - Guys who like to hunt [[wizard|witches]], [[heresy|heretics]] and [[furry|mutants]]. This branch works with the [[Sisters of Battle]].
*And the [[Alienhunters|Ordo Xenos]] - The guys who fight aliens. All the time. This branch occasionally works with the [[Deathwatch]].

Several ''Ordos Minoris'' exist as well, although their exact number is uncertain (especially because an Ordo is only as big as the number of Inquisitors who care about its particular issue -- the factor that separates the major Ordos from the minor ones is that there are always plenty of daemons, heretics, and xenos to go around, while other threats rise and fall in prominence). The best-known (relatively speaking) are as follows:

*Ordo Aegis- They help with keeping the Cadian Gate secure.
*Ordo Astartes- They try to keep some degree of control over the [[Space Marines]], with "try" being the operative word. Some recent breakthroughs have been made with the introduction of [[Vindicare|Ork Sharpshooters]] and [[Minotaurs|dickery]].
*Ordo Astra- They keep stellar maps up to date.
*Ordo Barbarus- They watch over pre-industrial worlds to make sure Chaos cults can't spring up on them.
*[[Ordo Chronos]] - They specialize in the possibility of time travel (particularly because time in the Warp doesn't flow normally), and they sought to deal with temporal anomalies, such as a ship reaching its destination before it actually left its starting point. Unfortunately for them, they just up and vanished without a trace. Nobody knows where they went and as a result this Ordo has been essentially forgotten by the rest of the Inquisition.
*Ordo Custodum- They make sure Holy Terra stays secure and devoid of heretics.
*Ordo Desolatus- Purpose unknown. For some odd reason it only has one member.
*Ordo Excorium- They make sure nobody tries to call in an [[Exterminatus]] without having a good reason for it first. The Imperium could probably use more of them, seeing as Exterminatus seem to happen all the time for things that could probably have been resolved in other ways. They are doing their job since by official statistics, over 90% of Inquisitors who declared a single Exterminatus were stripped of their rank and declared heretics for this exact reason. But they really need to put some effort to prevent such kind of behavior. Print some guidelines or something.
*Ordo Machinum - They ensure that the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] properly integrate STC variants (and the occasional piece of xenos tech) into Imperial technology while also trying to keep their hoarding tendencies to an acceptable level.
*Ordo Militarum - Their role is to ensure that the Imperial armed forces remain loyal. The [[Commissar]]iat is their child organization.
*Ordo Necros- Nobody's entirely sure what they do, but since they apparently needed an entire Ordo to supervise them (The Ordo Vigilus), it must be really important. Something to do with the [[Necron]]s, maybe? (Looking after the [[C'tan|Void Dragon]]?) Something to do with a nature of death and the afterlife? In any case, someone was and is really fucking worried about them and whatever the hell they're doing.
*Ordo Originatus- They act as the Inquisition's historians, attempting to sift through ten thousand years' worth of myths and legends for the few grains of truth that remain.
*Ordo Obsoletus- only mentioned in the fluff a few times, the Inquisitions official department of What The Fuck just happened here? Tends to chase up inexplicable events like the Legion of the Damned turning up. Basically the 40th millennium's X-Files. Tend to be suspicious about miracles.
*Ordo Redactus- The Inquisition's equivalent of the Ministry of Truth, which makes sure that the secrets of the Inquisition's past stay secret. Naturally, this can be quite a problem for the Ordo Originatus if the two don't work together.
*Ordo Thanatos - Unknown purpose. Considering though they are named after the Greek word for death, it points to their purpose having some relation to death, perhaps investigating means of immortality?
*Ordo Sanctorum- This branch keeps a close eye on the [[Ecclesiarchy]] so a second Reign of Blood doesn't occur.
*Ordo Scriptorum- Like a grimdark version of the NSA, they examine and investigate written records and communications and try to cut through the Administratum's red tape when doing so would keep the Imperium safe and secure. Occasionally referred to as the Ordo ISO 9000.
*Ordo Scriptus- Oversees official historical records on Terra. Since they only have 6 (Inquisitorial) members, they most likely make use of great amounts of administratum resources, and even then they are constantly and horribly out of date.
*Ordo Senatorum- Unknown purpose. Perhaps it has something to do with the [[High Lords of Terra|Senatorum Imperialis]] and their staff?
*[[Ordo Sicarius]] - They watch over the [[Officio Assassinorum]] to make sure that they don't try to repeat [[The Beheading]].
*[[Zombiehunters|Ordo Sepulturum]] - They're dedicated to fighting plagues and diseases, but mainly the Zombie Plague and the zombies that result.
*Ordo Vigilus - their purpose is to keep an eye on the Ordo Necros. Someone must have been really concerned by Necros to make an Ordo for the sole sake of keeping an eye on an Ordo.

And nice red uniforms OH DAMN.

Most of the Ordos are very straightforward, doing jobs that are necessary to keep the Imperium running and acting as checks and balances to other powerful organizations in the Imperium, making sure at least most of the various factions play nice while they're around to do important things.

(More or less how they act on /tg/ - [[Media:I.png]]

==Hierarchy==
[[Dark Heresy]] gives us a look at the inner workings of the Inquisition in how they operate and recruit people. Many of them come from nearly every other organization of the Imperium, with a few criminals and death cultists thrown in.

*Acolyte - these are the guys who get recruited (or press-ganged) into the Inquisition's service, for the long term that is. While an Inquisitor can commandeer anyone they need for a particular mission, these agents officially belong to the Inquisition and have received training for their part in the organization. Reasons for recruitment can vary between a person's skills being seen as valuable, to the person in question has seen too much but can be put to use instead of purged, or if the person in question is simply expendable. Acolytes are often servants or meatshields for inquisitors, but if a particular agent shows a high degree of resourcefulness, they may be selected for becoming an inquisitor's personal retinue.
*Throne Agent - An Inquisitor's trusted aides, they tend to be more experienced than acolytes and aid in investigations. Throne Agents who are especially talented with a history of success may be recommended to become Inquisitors themselves.
*Explicator - Apprentice Inquisitors, they train directly under an Inquisitor on how to investigate.
*Interrogator - Inquisitors in training sent out into the field. They have their own rosettes and can order people around, but still lack the authority to perform independently. Once they have enough field and leadership experience they get promoted by the approval of three Inquisitors or one Inquisitor Lord.
*Inquisitor - the full monty. These are the guys who get to root out Heresy, order Exterminatus, rope entire armies into service, and so forth.
*Inquisitor Lord - Not a rank per se, rather a title that recognizes the power and influence of an individual inquisitor. Invitation-only and requires the agreement of three existing Inquisitor Lords. They tend to be the oversees of a particular conclave.
*Master - One of, if not the Head Honcho for a sub-sector.
*Grandmaster - Like the master, but for an entire sector.
*Inquisitorial Representative - The elected representative to the [[High Lords]].

==Philosophies==

The Inquisition is a big and complicated place, and many have different philosophies on how to protect the Imperium and stop [[Chaos]]. While there are dozens of doctrinal and philosophical disputes, the two important branches are either Puritans or Radicals. Both are fucked up assholes.

===Puritans===
Puritans, simply put, are those who refuse to employ the measures of the enemy, such as xenotech or the Warp. Most Inquisitors start out as Puritans or on the spectrum of Puritanicalism, but a number of them fall into Radicalism eventually (which can be classed as lesser heresy in its most extreme forms). Puritanism can fall among three major philosophies:

*{{anchor|Amalathianism}}'''Amalathianism''': The most conservative form of Puritanism in the Inquisition, Amalathians (named after Mount Amalath, where its tenets were first set down at an Inquisitorial conclave) believe that the Emperor has some sort of divine plan for the Imperium, and the Inquisitions purpose is to protect the Imperium as that plan becomes visible. Change is considered the greatest enemy (which may have [[Tzeentch|some sense to it]]), with the exception that they seek to overcome the factionalism so common within the [[Adeptus Terra]]. The irony that the Amalathians are themselves technically a faction is not lost on them. You'd think that a group which holds the Imperium at present is perfect would be off its rocker, but they're actually a fairly reasonable group who prefer to [[/tg/ gets shit done|get shit done]] rather than bicker and bitch over territorial disputes. [[Gregor Eisenhorn]] was once a staunch Amalathian, but he eventually fell into Radicalism in his later years.
*{{anchor|Monodominant}}'''Monodominant''': The most extreme form of Puritianism in the Inquisition, Monodominants are basically [[Humanity Fuck Yeah]] taken to its illogical extreme. They believe that humanity, and ''only'' humanity, should be allowed to continue to exist. Given that the average inhabitants of the galaxy are [[Eldar|space pansies who would abandon you in a heartbeat]], [[Dark Eldar|space pansies who would torture and rape you in a heartbeat]], [[Ork|green hooligans who would fight and kill you in a heartbeat]], [[Tyranid|giant spacebugs who would eat you in a heartbeat]], [[Necron|undead robots who would atomize you in a clock tick]] and [[Chaos|things much worse]], this is [[Grimdark|an understandable worldview]]. Unfortunately, the Monodominants take things a few steps further, wanting to eliminate all [[mutant]]s, including the [[Psyker]]s ([[Astropath]]s and [[Navigator]]s) that humanity needs to keep functioning, as well even [[Space Marines]]. 
*{{anchor|Thorianism}}'''Thorianism''': The most radical form of Puritanism, Thorians are named after [[Sebastian Thor]], the hero of the [[Age of Apostasy]], and believe that Thor held part of the power of the Emperor within him. The Thorians thus believe that it is possible to reincarnate the Emperor of Mankind into a new body, allowing him to rebuild the Imperium and launch a new [[Great Crusade]]. As a result, Thorians closely study the nature of the human consciousness and the Warp, while also keeping a close eye on individuals that show enough power to be potential hosts for the Emperor's soul (such as Living Saints). They are extremely close to the [[Ecclesiarchy]]. 
**{{anchor|Anomolian Beholders}}'''Anomolian Beholders''': A conservative branch of Thorianism which takes a more passive approach to the resurrectionist ideology; they are more content with observing humanity for signs of the God-Emperor's return than actively trying to bring him back. 
**{{anchor|Ardentites}}'''Ardentites''': A variation of Thorian belief that claims the power of the Emperor was dispersed throughout humanity as a whole rather than being concentrated in any one individual. Derisively referred to as "miracle chasers" by the rest of the Inquisition for their many failed attempts at proving their beliefs.

===Radicals===
''Salvation comes with a cost. Judge us not by our methods, but what we seek to accomplish.'' 
-Inquisitor "The Illusive" Cerberus

Radicals are those Inquisitors who believe in fighting fire with fire--specifically, using the weapons of the enemy against the enemy. According to [[Gideon Ravenor]], Radicalism is an inevitable product of an Inquisitor's ideology being tested, as the more one learns about the nature of the enemy, the more they realize that the enemy has a lot better toys than the Imperium. However, given that most Inquisitors will face Chaos at some point, and given the inherently corrupting nature of the Warp, Radicalism may lead to one hoping to fight the Archenemy with its own tools before brought into the service of the Chaos Gods instead; consequently, an accusation of Radicalism is only slightly less serious than an accusation of outright heresy. Radicalism can fall into a lot more branches than Puritanism, and the following is merely a list of the most common forms it can take:

*{{anchor|Horusians}}'''Horusians''': One of the most dangerous forms of radicalism, Horusians (named after [[Horus|Horus Lupercal]]) believe that power the Chaos Gods imbued Horus with to fight the Emperor can be used to create a new body for the Emperor. Mostly consists of older Inquisitors who have become angry with the other resurrection theories failing to get shit done.
*{{anchor|Istvaanism}}'''Istvaanism''': One of the most violent forms of Radicalism, Istvaanians (named for the virus-bombing of Istvaan III, which began the Horus Heresy) believe that conflict is desirable, and mankind only grows in a state of violence (while it is said that "necessity is the mother of invention", the culture in 40k minimizes technological advancements). In practice, this leads to various conflicts that would otherwise remain minor suddenly becoming unmanageable because an Istvaanite was covertly funneling resources to one or both sides. Possibly the only group in the galaxy who views the Imperium's biggest problem as too ''few'' wars.
*{{anchor|Recongregationism}}'''Recongregationism''': Radicals who believe that the Imperium has become stagnant and corrupt, and needs to be rebuilt lest it collapse further. Unfortunately for them, they aren't entirely sure about how to do this, or how it should be rebuilt after tearing down the old order. Some of the more extreme Recongregators end up like Lilean Chase, an Inquisitor who fell to Chaos and founded the Cognitae (or at least its ''40K'' incarnation), arguably these inquisitors may be the closest thing to <s>the modern views of western society</s> Inquisitors giving a crap about ordinary people, as shown in a small story one of them used a cadre of Xenos Hunters composed of Space Marines from dubious chapters ([[Black Dragons]], [[Flame Falcons]], etc) to simultaneously stop a [[Necron]] incursion and topple an oppressive planetary government with the hope something better will go out of the consecutive population uprising.
*{{anchor|Revivificationism}}'''Revivificationism''': Essentially the radical form of Thorianism, Revivificators believe in studying the effects of death and dying so that they can reverse the process and revive the Emperor of Mankind. Revivificators have a deep interest in studying the Eldar as a result, and have less ties to the Ecclesiarchy.
*{{anchor|Xanthism}}'''Xanthism''': The most overt and well known form of Radicalism, Xanthians (named after Lord Inquisitor Zaranchek Xanthus, executed for heresy in M32) believe that using Chaotic artifacts such as possessed swords and Daemonhosts are viable weapons against the Archenemy which should be used whenever possible. They hold that only by controlling the power of Chaos can Chaos be defeated. Eisenhorn eventually followed Xanthism after being forced to use Cherubael to save the lives of his retinue. (Most of the time, this ends up spectacularly backfiring when their tools rebel at the worst possible time- or worse, corrupt them into the service of Chaos. The Ruinous Powers hate each other, but they aren't always complete idiots about it, and when you play with fire, you only have to drop it once to set the whole house ablaze.)
**{{anchor|Phaenonism}}'''Phaenonism''': A splinter group of Xanthism, considered extreme even by other Radicals. Their dabbling with tech-heresy alongside the traditional Xanthite methods led them to openly deny the Emperor's divinity and embrace the powers of the Warp, seeking to rebuild the Imperium in their own image. Despite being declared Excommunicate Traitoris, there are still some Phaenonites in the Inquisition, although they have taken great caution to conceal their allegiances from their fellow Inquisitors.
*{{anchor|Libricars}}'''Libricars''': An extreme version of Amalthianism that insists that even the smallest deviations from the status quo warrants purging. Unlike the Amalthians, they will do absolutely ''anything'' to ensure the status quo. Needless to say, the Recongregators hate them.
*{{anchor|Oblationists}}'''Oblationists''': Bizarro Monodominants that insist that the truly righteous (i.e. themselves) must allow themselves to be damned through the use of the Warp, the xenos, and the unclean to keep humanity safe. At the same time they believe that anyone else using these things will be hopelessly damned and ought to be purged. The hypocrisy of this is lost on them.
*{{anchor|Ocularians}}'''Ocularians''': A minor faction obsessed with learning how to predict and divine the future, no matter the cost of doing so.
**{{anchor|Antiquarti}}'''Antiquarti''': A subgroup of Ocularians that seek to predict the future by discovering patterns within events in the past. That wouldn't be hard if anyone allowed them to see the few books on the past, since no one teaches history in the grimdark future.
*{{anchor|Polypsykana}}'''Polypsykana''': A group that believes humanity is evolving into a fully psychic race (which appears to be true) and that it is a good idea for them to do everything they can to accelerate this process (which is clearly arguable). They do this by trying to protect nascent psykers from their Puritan colleagues, though they have also been known to harbor witches and other rogue psykers as well.
*{{anchor|Seculos Attendous}}'''Seculos Attendous''': A minor faction that views the [[Ecclesiarchy]] as an obstacle to mankind's progress and seeks to weaken it wherever they can. They're probably the only group of people in the Imperium who have realized that fact. A shame that they can't agree on what to replace it with on the absurdly tiny chance they succeed.
*{{anchor|Casophilians}}'''Casophilians''': Another branch of Thorianism interested in learning how to summon a deceased soul back to the Materium in the hope that doing so could be the first step to resurrecting the Emperor. (In practice, this would probably resemble a form of "reverse daemon summoning".) Relatively conservative by Radical standards, they are one of the few factions that can be considered open to new ideas and are known to work especially well with the Anomolian Beholders.
*{{anchor|Xeno Hybris}}'''Xeno Hybris''': A small group which sees strict anti-alien policies as being counter-productive to the Imperium of Man. They feel that sometimes Xenos can be useful or be learned from, especially when working against chaos. Many inquisitors of the Ordo Malleus in particular will do this to deal with the forces of chaos every now and again, but the Xeno Hybris makes seeking said cooperation their hat. At the very least, these guys are not tempting fate to the same extent by as other Radicals since their toys are much less likely to eat their souls. Even so, this position would most likely be more popular if the aliens the Imperium deals with on a regular basis were less of a bunch of dicks themselves or consists of [[Slaugth|Humanoid Maggots]] and other horrors that not even the Tau will try to convince to join the Greater Good.

==Song==
([http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUMkcBctE7c tune])

The eye that sleepth not.

The Inquisition (Let's begin)

The Inquisition (Look out, sin)

We have a mission

To kill all the Xenos (Xenos, Xe-e-nos)

We're gonna teach them (Wrong from right)

We're gonna help them (See the light)

And make an offer that they can't refuse.

(That the Xenos just can't refuse)

Confess, don't be boring

Say yes, don't be dull

A fact you're ignoring

It's better to lose your schlicktau than your skull (Or your gavalt)

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

But the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay

The Inquisition (Oh boy)

The Inquisition (What joy)

The Inquisition (Oi oi)

I was posting down in /tg/, I was minding my own business

I was about to post some Loli Daemonette.

Then these Ordos Hereticus plunge in

And they throw me in a dungeon

And they shoved a revved up chainsword up my ass.

Is that considerate?

Is that polite?

And not a tube of Preparation H in sight.

I'm sittin' flickin' daemons

And I'm lookin' through the thickens

When suddenly these guys break down my walls.

I didn't even know them

And they grabbed me by the scrotum

And they started playing Ping Pong with my balls

Oh, the agony!

Ooh, the shame!

To make my privates public by a game!

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

But the Inquisition's here and it's here to-

Hey, Eisenhorn!

What do you say?

I just got back from the autos-du-fe,

Autos-du-fe? What's the autos-du-fe?

It's what you oughtn't to do but you do anyway!

Skit scat doodlebac doodle be bay

Will you convert?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you confess?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you revert?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you say YES?

NO NO NO NO!

Now I asked in a nice way

I said pretty please

I bent their ears

Now I'll work on the knees

Hey Eisenhorn

Walk this way

We got a new game you might want to play!

Pull this handle, try your luck

Who knows, Eis, you might win a buck! (All right)

Put it in the ship.

(In the ship In the ship!)

How we doing? Any Heretics repent today?

Not a one! Nay Nay Nay!

We've flattened their fingers,

We've branded their buns.

Nothing is working!

SEND IN THE NUNS WITH GUNS

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

So come on all you Heretics and you Xenos

We got some big news for all of yous

You'd better change your point of views today

'Cause the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!

(bet you weren't expecting that song, either!)

==See Also==
*[[Daemonhunters]]
*[[Witch Hunters]]
*[[Spanish Inquisition|Their completely serious historical predecessors]]
*[[Alienhunters]]
*[[Zombiehunters]]
*[[Ordo Sicarius]]
*[[Ordo Chronos]]
*[[Dark Heresy]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Inquisition(7E)|Tactics/Inquisition]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isw7nLOdYXM A video showing one of the more feared inquisitors]

{{Template:Inquisition}}
{{Template:Imperium}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Inquisition]]

If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device

2016-10-31T01:42:42Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Others */

{{Awesome}}
{{Spoilers}}
[[File:If-the-emperor.png|500px|right|thumb|Prepare yourself for pure undiluted WIN!]]
'''The Lord:''' 
''"You've nothing more to say to me? You come but to complain unendingly? Is never aught right to your mind?"'' 
'''Mephistopheles:''' 
''"No, Lord! All is still downright bad, I find."'' 
- Goethe's Faust, Prologue in Heaven.

A Youtube series created by Bruva Alfabusa, the show follows the exploits of Emprah himself in his quest to bring the Imperium of Man to its former glory, helped by the captain of the Custodes "Little Kitten", Magnus (now forgiven and with soul) and a hilarious cast of other major 40k characters. The series has become a complete success, mostly by poking fun on many of the memes, traditions and quirks of the 40k universe and the fandom but also by some very awesome scenes and, of course, great music.

Most fans agree that, while a wild and very unserious take on the 40k universe, the plot itself isn't actually that outlandish (apart from the [[Ultramarines]] capturing [[Magnus the Red]]...). If the Emps would wake up, it's pretty much a given that he would remove the worst parts of the Inquisition as some of the first things, while probably being an ass, as he always was. The unsure part is if the Emps would have learned from his 10,000 years of mistakes, which the series believes he has, deep inside. Doesn't help his [[Rage|temper]] though.

The so-called "TTS-verse" also includes Karl the Deranged's series [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5enLrHSMuIs Chaos Descends], and Eliphas the Inheritor's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1cXYan0NQA Behemoth] trilogy. "Specials" are slated for story content that takes place outside the throne room.

==Dramatis Personae==
Starting off with a few characters, the series has evolved to encompass a fuckton of major and minor characters, with their own small arcs and all. It's not quite [[Order of the Stick|OotS]] level, but it's getting there.

===Team Emperor===
[[Image:Pleased Emprah.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Emperor of Mankind]]''': The Emprah, who's now able to verbally communicate with people after Techpriests installed a text-to-speech device on his throne. You know how Rouboute Guilliman is a 'jerk with a heart of gold'? Well the Emperor is a massive frothing plasteel dickbag with tourettes, with a heart of gold/platinum alloy studded with diamonds. Is currently planning to rebuild the Imperium after hearing the clusterfuck of stories from his Captain-General caretaker. He also has a pet [[Centurion Squad|Centurion]] (who turns out to be rather important), which he finds adorable, while finding [[Dreadknight]]s abominable. He is a jerk, frequently insulting the Captain General with little reason other than he can (and because it's funny), and dialogue with Magnus implies he's always been a prick. Nonetheless he is ultimately a sympathetic character who wanted to create a better future for humanity and the comedic outrage he displays at all the bad news he gets is justified given how he frequently hears about costly victories that could have been avoided if the men in charge were less incompetent and how the Imperium has been destroying itself (usually because of the Inquisition). The Emperor has a new plan for defeating Chaos after the "starve them out by getting rid of religion" plan didn't work, but like before, he refuses to tell anyone what that plan is (although this time around, it's apparently not because he doesn't trust anyone, but because he doesn't want to spoil the surprise).
[[Image:Sad Kitten.jpg|thumb|right]]
*''' Custodes Captain-General (aka Kitten)''': Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] and the only Custode who appears to have retained his sanity after the near-death of the Emperor, and for that matter one of the few sane humans in the Imperium. He serves as both the Emperor's personal caretaker and assistant, and pretty much the only person he regularly talks to and his main link to the outside world. Generally the only person the Emperor trusts and treats like a son, albeit constantly berating him whenever he does something stupid, or because he just feels like it. He also seriously hates [[Tau]]. One episode implies that it is because [[Shadowsun]] spurned him for the Greater Good (and also because he was a bit... fixated on the extremely y-onic shape of her nose), something he furiously and tearfully declares ''must'' be non-canon. He is named ''Little Kitten'' by his fellow Custodes, for "purring his way so far into their ranks", but his real name is a long seemingly nonsensical word salad supposedly based on his accomplishments... But given how he's been stuck in the palace for the last ten thousand years said accomplishments include things like "Goldilocks-Sunshine-Graham-Corncob". His frequent emotional outbursts despite the supposed emotionless state of the Custodes is intentional, and played for humor. After being forced out of the position of caretaker by his fellow Custodes, Kitten fell into a depression, to which Magnus ominously is taking advantage of by making Kitten his ally in making the Imperium great again and totally not get back at the old man. So far all he has done was kill a bunch of Lacrymoles that were impersonating the High Lords of Terra. It has been revealed that his uncanny knowledge of the outside world (considering the state of knowledge in the Imperium in general) could come from the Black Library itself.

*'''[[Magnus the Red]]''': The closest thing to a sane person besides the Captain-General (who plays the straight man depending on the situation). Retrieved from wherever within the Warp by the sheer plot-armor-powered efforts of [[Cato Sicarius]] and then brought to the Golden Throne, followed by the Emperor bullying [[Tzeentch]] in order to steal back Magnus' soul. Touched, he somehow managed to forgive the Emperor (sort of) and decided to help the Emps with his plan to fix the Imperium, but Emps being a jerk to him is starting to test his patience. The shiny new bike he was given helped with their reconciliation, though just how well his apparent heel-face turn has actually stuck is up for debate at best. The first thing he did with the bike was run over a bunch of kids on the street, possible foreshadowing? He may not be actively working for Chaos anymore, but he also quickly runs out of patience with his father and is attempting to fix the Imperium without his help, partly because he has serious doubts about his current sanity (which is kind of justified), and partly just to spite him. Magnus turns into a [[neckbeard]]ed daemon cyclops [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/9/9a/MagnusEpic.jpg that is a bit reminiscent of his old model back in] [[Epic]], whenever he enters [[rage]] mode - usually prompted by any mention of [[furries|space wolves]]. Is currently undertaking some obscure scheme with the unvitting aid of the Captain-General Kitten including attempted assassination of the [[High Lords of Terra]] and "borrowing" the Engine of Woes from Nocturne.

*'''[[Rogal Dorn]]:''' Primarch of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Is revealed as the Emperor's personal Centurion, with whom he had nightly cuddling sessions prior to his reveal. He came out of hiding after Kitten brought up the topic of discussing the [[Space Wolves]], where he vehemently suggested not to discuss the wolves to prevent Magnus from spazzing out. His extreme bluntness is shown to be less because he is an asshole and more because he is extremely oblivious and literal-minded and may have some form of autism (In episode 24 its greatly implied he is fully aware of everything going on including the emperors plans, implying he has some form of 'super sanity') , possibly due to using a fucking chainsword to scratch his head. Before his disappearance he used to consult his "magic pain glove" until his hand fell off. Despite his eccentricities and his inability to understand sarcasm, he can still make surprisingly lucid observations , such as that the end times are coming, and that not even the Chaos Gods will survive the potential end of all life in the galaxy. He even manages to, perhaps unwittingly, deliver one of the sickest burns yet on the Emperor, leaving him speechless. Actually, nearly every line he spouts is full of unintentional hilarity.

===Imperials (So sorta good guys)===
[[Image:Pillar-Stodes.png|thumb|right|From right to left: Wamuudes, Custodisi and Karstodes.]]
*'''The Pillar-stodes (Wamuudes, Custodisi, Karstodes)''': Some of the Emperor's personal companions from the Great Crusade days. After his interment into the Golden Throne, the rest of the Custodes have shed their armor as a sign of mourning. This, however, has also caused them to become fabulous hedonists (although somehow not to a Slaaneshi-tier extreme, they actually despise slaaneshi daemons the most, much to the Emperor's confusion), which greatly disturbs the Emperor. They also have no respect for their Captain General and don't even seem to remember that he's their superior, actually [[Just As Planned|taking away his job as the emperor's caretaker by doing something for him]]. They constantly slip innuendos into their conversations, much to the discomfort of everyone involved. Except for Rogal; he's too literal-minded to notice. A running gag with them is that whenever the Pillarstodes come into a scene, they would dynamically jump in from nowhere with their own [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM personal theme song]. The three Pillarstodes appearance is based on the Pillar Men from [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure]]: Battle Tendency; a group of fabulously well-built, half-naked Aztec vampire demigods seeking immortality. (they also make obscure jojo references at times)
*'''Diavodes''': Another crazy Jojo-Custodes (this one is based on Diavolo from part 5), he appeared out of the blue and asked Kitten and Magnus if they knew who he was, and was content to hear that they didn't. Once alone, he started to laugh maniacally, declaring that soon the new Emperor would be him, Diavodes! Also [[Alpha Legion|may or may not]] be [[Alpharius|a familiar face]] in disguise.
[[Image:High Lords Text.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''The [[High Lords of Terra]]''': The people responsible for running the Imperium itself. Despite this the majority of the High Lords never really discuss or do anything to the betterment of the Imperium and just act senile, once planning to outlaw breathing for everyone but them. For this reason Magnus wants them all dead and handle governing the Imperium directly, but Kitten may have succeeded in convincing them not to fuck over the Imperium so much. Apparently they High Lords are commonly recruited from the Old Folks' planet, a retirement home so terrible that the High Lords have banned ever saying its name. There are currently 5 (technically 7 if you count the Head Scribe and Fyoder) High Lords featured, aside from the Captain-General.¨
[[Image:High Lords 2.jpg|thumb|right]]
:*'''[[Ecclesiarchy|Ecclesiarch]] Decius XXIII''': The only non-senile High Lord aside from the Captain General, who legitimately takes his post seriously, even standing up to Fyodor and forbidding him to shed a single drop of blood from Terra's population (which Fyodor circumvented by using incendiary weaponry). For not screwing up the Emperor's plan, not being an overzealous bag of insanity, and rushing to try to save the Emperor when Fyodor stormed Terra's Palace he is allowed to stay leader of the Ecclesiarchy, even as the Emps is disbanding it/just changing every mention of '''God'''-Emperor to '''Man'''-Emperor, due to the fact that he and those who obeyed Emprah now are in charge of reforming the Imperium from the craphole it has sink in. [[Space Marines|Loyalty to the man rather than the word]] finally paid off. Just about everyone mocks him for his hat, which gets limp or...stiff depending on his emotional state. Hat Boners?!? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo He proved that despite the crap others give him, he can make some pretty rousing speeches on the fly].
:*'''Fabricator-General of Mars''': The head of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Is so old that his voice stutters every time he speaks like a broken version of Stephen Hawking in addition to always speaking in little tunes. Constantly does nothing but insult his fellow High Lords for being made of flesh and recommend they swap out their fleshy bits for mechanical augmentations. According to other Magos, the Fabricator-General is also a massive junkie and party animal, and he invites the other high lords for margaritas on Mars.
:*'''Grand Provost Marshal''': Head of the Adeptus Arbites, who does nothing but propose to make everything illegal. [[Judge Dredd|HE IS THE LAW]].
:*'''Master of the Administratum''': The head of the Imperial bureaucracy. A bit less inept than the rest of the high lords, he acts like your everyday senile grandfather.
:*'''Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard''': The leader of the Imperial Guard. Doesn't do much, apart from comparing war to the good ol' days. Aware enough to know that the removal of minor luxuries (laxatives, breathing) may have detrimental effects on the Imperial Guard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUrhqCkYwps Lays a sicknasty dilarius biznasty beat.]

===The Ultramarines===
*'''[[Marneus Calgar]]''': Chapter Master of the Ultramarines. He's currently depressed and frustrated at the state of the Ultramarines where they basically win everything (due to their plot armor) as well as their strict adherence to the Codex Astartes to the point that it's no longer fun anymore. Due to this, his mood is eternally grumpy, only made worse by Sicarius' constant gloating. He actually seems to care deeply for the men under his command as he get extremely pissed off when Sicarius put his marines at unnecessary risk to achieve another victory to inflate his reputation. He also appears in a flashback during the second [[Tyranid]] war in Ultramar, where he did battle with the Swarmlord. [https://youtu.be/cB79pnU2f2I?t=5m30s While he put up a valiant fight, he found that they were equally matched, and thus, declared it a draw.] Blatant hints point towards a deal he made with [[Matt Ward|something]] to give his Chapter win more victories (hinted to have begun during the Second Tyrannic War), which he deeply regrets.
*'''[[Cato Sicarius]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd company. His persona's played as Cato's canon need to be a glory hound and the embodiment of the Ultramarines' plot armor, turned up to eleven, where he only cares for his advancement in the ranks of the Ultramarines and not much else. He apparently undertook the mission to capture Magnus the Red. Alone. Without his gellar field turned on, and his survival at such mission greatly pissed off Calgar to no ends, who was hoping he would die. He is also very verbal about his intention to take the position of Chapter Master, which ''greatly'' upsets Calgar (as Cato's dialogues largely implies that he's better than him and wishes for his death), to the point where he threatens to perform an "Imperial Fisting" upon Sicarius with his Gauntlets if he continues such thoughts. He also has a very egotistical, effeminate voice that can only be described as "the love child of tinnitus and a jackhammer", and he always refers to himself in the third person. [https://youtu.be/bM8YGsAmeqE?t=1m56s It's goddamn hilarious.]
*'''[[Uriel Ventris]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 4th company. He doesn't have a lot of development yet, but appears as a close friend of Calgar and is the only one who's noticed the Ultramarines' theme of somehow always completing utterly suicidal missions. He comes to realize that some unknown force is tampering with space and time to rewrite history,([https://youtu.be/eG82ruvH0jc?t=120 Probably has to do with an ''itsy bitsy little'' '''SHARD''']) covering up the Ultramarines past failures and playing up their successes to impossible levels, and starts to suspect that Calgar knows more about this than he's letting on.
*'''[[Roboute Guilliman]]''': The Emperor has regularly made a point of ordering the Custodes Captain-General to have him taken off life-support. Currently the only reason he's still alive is Kitten winning an epic duel in a [[Yu-Gi-Oh|children's card game]] against the Emperor. The result of his actions and the Codex Astartes horrifies his father. Going by the previous canon of Guilliman perhaps actually regenerating from the wounds that supposedly killed him, the Empra likely wants the time stasis field deactivated so he can finally get off his fucking ass.

===The Salamanders===
*'''[[Vulkan]]:''' Primarch of the [[Salamanders]]. After the Ultramarines found the remaining artifacts of Vulkan in secret for the Salamanders, Vulkan returned to the chapter, where his return was greeted with great adulation (VUVUZELAS). He is notably quite crazy, and haunted by the ghost of Ferrus Manus. He speaks with a distinct African accent and loves friendship.
*'''[[Vulkan He'stan|He'stan]]''': Forgefather of the Salamanders. He is seen sleeping on an anvil on fire when Cato Sicarius delivered the remaining artifacts to the Salamanders, literally driving them through the wall of the fortress into the Forgefather's personal chambers. Thinking he found the artifacts in his sleep, he subsequently declares himself to be best forgefather.

===The Raven Guard===
*'''[[Corvus Corax]]''': Primarch of the Raven Guard. Appears at the end of one of the episodes. He's currently brooding away (and possibly stuck) in some dark room guarded by Salamanders, while writing edgy poetry in his journal. Magnus declared they were travelling to Nocturne to use the "Engine of Woes", whose name fits Corax's angsty personality; him hiding inside it might explain why he's on Nocturne in the first place.

===The Dark Angels===
*'''[[Azrael]]:''' Chapter Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. He's depicted as an overly paranoid wreck, obsessing about [[Cypher]], the [[Fallen Angels]] and constantly telling any non-inner circle member that reports to them that they're doing nothing suspicious and heretical. The fact that he had two newly indoctrinated inner circle members killed because they stumbled onto knowledge of the fallen (that he spat out in front of them) is played for laughs.
*'''[[Belial]]:''' Grand Master of the Deathwing. His emo personality is hilariously turned to eleven whenever he perceives himself or his chapter as not being perfect, which is every waking second. This curiously allows him to become more reasonable than the rest of the Inner Circle. He has an effeminate yet whiny voice similar to Thurston Howell III.
*'''[[Asmodai]]:''' The Dark Angels' Master of Repentance (which basically means "Violent Murdering" to him). He has an intense personality with a voice reminiscent of your stereotypical 1980s cartoon villain. [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=19m55s REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER.]
*'''[[Watchers in the Dark|Watcher in the Dark]] (aka Snurko):''' A Watcher that accompanies Azrael, who is apparently the only one of its kind who can talk. It suddenly spoke of Cypher while in the presence of two newly indoctrinated inner-circle Angels, [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=17m48s prompting Azrael to hilariously beat the shit out of it.] His speech and mannerisms appears to be based off Orko from the He-man series.

===The White Scars===
*'''[[Jaghatai Khan]]''': Primarch of the White Scars. During the Horus Humbug, he managed to pull off the amazing feat of standing still for more than 20 seconds (while riding on a Razorback going at 200 miles per hour, but still). After the Codex announcement, he may be in [[Commorragh]], as he desired to [[meme|go fast]] and beat them in their jetbike races. Not much is known about his whereabouts right now, but it does mean that we will get to see him. Also the emperor has stolen at least one of his bikes from his room.

===The Black Templars===
According to Rogal Dorn, absolute lunatics, obsessed with "PURGING WITH MY KIIIIIIIIIIIIIN"...
They enjoy their drop pods and ramming swords through xenos skulls. Actually not that far off canon.
*'''Chaplain [[Grimaldus]]:''' Shows up in a filler short where he tries to ban the holiday of Sanguinala. The other Black Templars tell him he can't, prompting him to go to his bed and throw a loyalist tantrum.

===The Space <s>Wolves</s> Corgis===
*'''[[Leman Russ]]''': Primarch of the Space <s>Wolves</s> Corgis. Has been hiding in the Warp. Has a verbal staredown with Karamazov, then proceeds to relentlessly mock him while obsessing over wolves. He also gives a thorough dressing-down of the 3 branches of the Inquisition, as well as the Deathwatch, Tempestus Scions and Sisters of Battle accompanying them (delivering the infamous line "Daemons of Khorne are gonna eat ya out like ice cream sandwiches once your Red Rage begins!"). He even has his own version of the [[meme|Navy Seal Copypasta]]. Despite being a viking, he has a pseudo-Scottish accent. Magnus has accused him of being a furry. He is currently teaching the Inquisition how to survive in the Warp by turning them into a drunken mob and killing innocent daemons. This include pranks of various sorts, such as crank calling Daemons, cockblocking a Daemonette at a bar (which actually kills them), and assaulting one of Nurgle's daemons with a fuckload of soap. After learning that Magnus is currently located in the imperial palace he decided to get out of the warp and go back to Terra, and is currently marching to the gate of Khaine, alongside with karamazov and Kalgor Draigo.

*'''Space Wolves [[Wulfen]]''': any mention of the Wulfen is normally echoed with someone shouting "[[Gorkamorka|Digganobz]]" in a demented manner. This is referred within a youtube short: the Grandmaster of the Grey Knights, sir Covan Leorac, was presented an image of the Wulfen and he called them Digganobz. And yes they really do look like Digganobz.

===The Grey Knights===
*'''[[Kaldor Draigo]]''': The Supreme Grand Master of the [[Grey Knights]], who is cursed to wander The Warp for eternity. Centuries wandering unrealspace however, eroded Draigo's sanity, which not might be a bad thing as his craziness allows him to both stay in the warp without any trouble and murder daemons left and right (remember: the warp is a reflection of the minds of mortals and psykers can influence it to a higher degree. Draigo's insanity and powerful psychic talents allows him to shrug off the madness of the warp, simply because he believes without a shadow of a doubt that he can). He's made several appearances, first is annoying Fyodor's attack force after being banished into the warp by Magnus and later summoned by Kitten to handle Magnus' tantrum, which he does so in a split-second offscreen using inexplicable Mary Sue powers to defeat him. He now hangs around with Russ and company, and is the only one besides Russ who can safely traverse the warp sober and troll daemons without his head exploding. Has apparently been sending Daemons (in the form of ordinary villagers, with jobs and families) into the "Super Warp" by throwing vortex grenades at them (given that they're already in The Warp, the grenades would suck them to an even deeper version of The Warp).

===The Imperial Guard===
*'''[[Sly Marbo]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI The One-Man Army], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y Hero of the Imperium!]
*'''[[Ollanius Pius]]''': Makes a split second appearence at 15.00 on Episode 24 before being headbutted to death by Horus. (Shame on you if you dont know this super dude, so read his history now!) In another episode, the Emperor takes the time to set the record straight that while Ollanius did in fact sacrifice himself for the Emperor, a Terminator and Custodes quickly followed suit in order to not be shown up by a mere mortal human. He was not amused by their transparent attempt to outshine Ollanius.

===Adversaries===
*'''[[Abaddon the Despoiler]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but has so far has been contacting various Chaos Champions to enlist their help with the next Black Crusade.
*'''[[Fulgrim]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but appears to have already joined Abaddon in his plans. He makes his appearance as the person who called Lucius to get him to join Abaddon.
[[Image:Fyo-Yo.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Lord [[Inquisitor]] Fyodor Karamazov''': Inquisitor of the [[Ordo Hereticus]] and a colossal jerk even among inquisitors. When the Emperor disbanded the Inquisition, he went ballistic and led an entire crusade to Terra to purge what he thinks is heresy. Ended up in the Warp via Magnus for his troubles, after being trolled in a magnificent manner by being told he is a fragment of the Emperor. This was all [[Just As Planned|the Emperor's plan for sending out the message in the first place]], to lure in all the more destructive Inquisitors to get rid of them. He's not out of the game yet, though, and is determined to return to the Emperor. He has become substantially more crazy after Leman Russ' Warp Survival lessons.
[[Image:Domi.png|thumb|right]]
:*'''Dominique''': The sentient scribe servitor on Fyodor's Throne of Judgement. He comically makes fun of Fyodor on several occasions and generally breaks the serious atmosphere that the Lord Inquisitor tries to project. He also has a curious predilection for sandpaper cigarettes and a rapacious drug habit. Died inexplicably during the Inquisition's drunken rampage,most likely due to alcohol poisoning . Voiced by Gonzo the Great.
[[Image:Mall.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Malleus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor brandishing bulky power armor, almost resembling Terminator armor (because it is, since it's a Grey Knight Grand Master, called "Grey Knight Leader" in the ending; on a side note, the Ordo Malleus has human size Terminator Armours in its possession). Is the most level-headed of the group.
[[Image:Here.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Inquisitor Adrielle Quist''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor whom you'd recognize if you've ever seen them. A xeno fetishist, evidence suggests she is actually a tsundere for [[Genestealers]], and only dreams of being held in the strong, manly arms of her [[Broodlord]]-kun. She appears to be the bad cop of the group with a short temper and a rough, Russian accent. She claims that the letter of disbanding inquisition was written by a genestealer cult under the Emperor's name. While stuck in the warp with Fyodor and the rest, she assaults [[Lord of Change|Kairos]] after asking if he's a Genestealer, naturally not caring which of his heads answered "Yes". Even mentioning Genestealers in her presence causes her to fly into a berzerker rage.
[[Image:Xen.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Hereticus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor dressed in black and using a bolt pistol with a sight mount (which is exactly from the front cover of [[Dark Heresy]]). Don't let his soft-spoken tone fool you - this guy gets aroused at the thought of executing other people regardless of what they've done. He is in favor of the door-kicking-and-burning-building type of [[Exterminatus]], just like a medieval witch hunter. He is possibly the same Inquisitor as the one in the mask (who snickers arousedly at executing friendlies and wonders were the mask came from).
*'''[[Torquemada Coteaz]]''': One of the Inquisitors who joined Fyodor's assault into the Imperial Palace. He shows up after Fyodor's forces was blocked off by a force of loyal Ecclesiarchy priests led by Decius in the palace, but breaches their defenses by throwing a barrel of Jokaero at the defenders. This plan causes Fyodor to lose any respect for him, which solicits a disheveled response from [[Awesome|Torquemada, telling him to get off his Throne of Judgement and tell him to his face, or use his multi-melta to do what he's too pathetic to]]. Fyodor backs off and lets him leave. So far he appears to be the only sane Inquisitor, snarling at Fyodor to not execute the Emperor for whatever offense he may pull out of his ass. He's also busy with [[The Lord Inquisitor|making a film]], which is why he didn't stay to see Fyodor's plans go to the Warp.
*'''Inquisitor Javerticus''': An Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor and the most dedicated and charismatic of them all, and also an awesome singer and swordsman. Sadly, the Grey Knights don't seem to comprehend his awesomely dramatic greatness. Named after the obsessive Inspector Javert.
*'''The Gods of [[Chaos]]''': The gods here are less chaotic than their canon counterparts. More-or-less they just sit around and talk to each other, the way they did prior to the Emperor showing up and making plans to wreck their collective shit.
**[[Tzeentch]] is a petty schoolyard bully/prankster who also likes to engage in pointless overthought pseudo-philosophy, and it's unclear if he means it or if it's just part of him being a troll.
**[[Slaanesh]] is a hyperactive masochistic camwhore. Steals from Khorne and trolls with sexual innuendos.
**[[Khorne]] is the only half-way normal Chaos God (if that term could ever be applied to the Gods), who has yet to appear beyond screaming at Slaanesh for being a creepy whore. Has a fairly good relationship with Khaine, though, and they work out together at the gym. Never skips leg day, unlike the Emperor.
**[[Nurgle]] is the only one actually doing any scheming. Has a voice that's really hard to understand without subtitles, and is more focused on his waifu Isha than actually doing anything.
**[[Malal]] makes several short appearances, conversing with the various gods on Spacebook where he declares he will ruin everyone once he becomes canon again by escaping the "Retconnian" (a dimension where the Squats, Horus' soul, and other things that don't exist anymore are banished to) and a second time is shown to exist in a pocket outside canon where he is able to influence things that are canon in subtle ways using the [[Black Crusade (RPG)|"Tyrant Star", a wandering sun that gives off black light and incites anarchy and chaos on whatever planet it shines on]]. It appears that his obsession to become relevant again is a harmful one, as Horus and a Squat talk him down from his attempts and console him when he breaks down crying about his futile attempts.
*'''[[Lucius the Eternal]]''': Slaanesh's premier champion, who sounds like what would happen if Mickey Mouse turned to Slaanesh and became a drag queen in the process (his first appearance is a direct reference to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g56q3j8NAcw this]). First shown fucking up some Imperial Guardsmen (in all senses of the word) with his warband, laughing like a maniac all the while. He then got a call from Fulgrim, inviting him and his band to join one of Abaddon's [[Black Crusade|"huge parties"]], which he accepted. His absolutely creepy portrayal in the series is quickly becoming one of the scariest (and most enjoyable) things in the franchise, sorta an impressive achievement. Runs a prank show in his spare time, and posts the results to Spacebook.
*'''[[Ahzek Ahriman]]''': Most powerful sorcerer of the [[Thousand Sons]]. Appears in a short scene where he finally gets access to the [[Black Library]], only to be dicked with, and eventually booted out by [[Cegorach]]. Decided to quit trying to get into the Black Library for a while and take a break, but decided against the latter after being summoned by Abaddon for the Black Crusade.
*'''[[Typhus]]''': Chaos Lord of the [[Death Guard]]. Has the voice of Gilbert Gottfried, which he uses to read [[Squad Broken|erotic fanfiction]] for Lucius. Like the other chaos champions, he's been summoned by Abbadon for the Black Crusade.
*'''[[Huron Blackheart]]''': We cannot confirm his appearance in the series proper, but it appears that he is with [[Abaddon]] in the Season 3 intro, perhaps pointing to an alliance of sorts. Why in the all the names of Chaos he is there, only Alfa (or maybe his voice actor) know.
*'''The [[Tyranid]] Hivemind''': Attempted to hijack the Chaos Gods' warpchat, but was kicked after too many synapses attempted connections. The Emperor claims that talking to the Tyranid Hivemind is like talking to a herd of hungry sheep.

===Others===
*'''[[Horus|FUCKING HORUS]]''': Appears in the April Fool's episode, where he breaks into the Emperor's throne room and incapacitates him. The Emperor declares Horus can't win because he's all alone, but says he isn't as he gathered allies while he was clawing his way out of The Warp, all of whom are some of the dead/retconned/obscure characters in the fluff, like; The Beast (An Ork who waged one of the most successful WAAAGH!s in human history), Goge Vandire (The man responsible for the worst chapter in Imperial History after the Horus Heresy), [[Sindri Myr]], the Megarachnids (A footnote insectoid race in the fluff, who were hunted to extinction by the Astartes in the Great Crusade.), the [[Squats]] (We all know who they are), Hermann Von Strab (One of the most inept commanders the Imperium has ever seen, who met his end in the 3rd War of Armageddon.), the [[Old Ones]], the Techno-Barbarians of olden Terra, 3ED [[Carnifex|Old One Eye]] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI SLY MARBOOO] *cue explosions*. He subsequently declares himself as the new Emperor. Later appeared for real in the second Q&A in the "Retconnian" with Malal and the Squats, and calms Malal's tantrum like a parent consoling a child.
*'''[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]''': Currently beating up the Overfiend of Octarius, as in official lore. It's still unknown where Ghazzy's gonna fit into things, though it will likely be to assemble all Orks into a single Great WAAAGH!!
[[Image:Cyph.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Cypher]]''': He has a very vague, mysterious plot involving the planet Orior and its STCs. This seems to take place not long after the [[Fallen_Angels#Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident|Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident]], as the Dark Angels managed to locate him by tracking his ship. He also seems to be skilled at disguise, as he just manages to waltz right into the Thunderhawk behind Azrael without any further comment. He's on his way towards Mars with the Dark Angels.
*'''Dolphan Gruss''': A Magos Explorator sent to Orior by the [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Admech]] to investigate the planet's STC. He is very blunt and dismissive when dealing with "fleshbags", and does so while speaking with a French accent. His most remarkable feature, however, is a drill that replaces his right hand, which, predictably, makes him the butt of many [[Anime|anime]]-related jokes, much to his dismay.
*'''Reimleiz the theorist''' a member of the mechanicus.currently searching for a segway for dorn in Khans shed. Wears a sick looking Dinosaur skull as a mask. Incabable of making any statement without wording it as a question,causing him to be on par with a certain mollusk in the Departement oft unecesasry questions. Voiced by 40k theories
*'''[[Cegorach]]''': The Laughing God, shown guarding the Black Library. He encounters Ahriman trying to enter and forcefully boots him out after a bit of trolling. He has a French accent.
*'''[[Isha]]''': Despite being a kidnapping victim initially, Isha is now in a relationship with Nurgle. She hates Tzeentch and Slaanesh, mocking the former and encouraging Nurgle to plague the latter.
*'''[[Gork]] and [[Mork]] (or was it Mork and Gork?)''': Two dumbfucks who argue with each other in other people's conversations on Spacebook, with Gork not actually knowing he's using the Interwarp and trying to figure out how to use it while already on it.
*'''[[Khaine]]''': Disappointed and annoyed by all the young Gods around him, sounds like an old man beat-down by life. He mostly hangs out in the warp chat and goes to the gym with Khorne.
[[Image:Text Marines.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[Image:Eliphas.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Felinids]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuvHPr4BGk The ultimate let-down.]
*'''[[Necron]]s''': They appear initially in a mini-episode by Karl. Necrons all speak with low-quality Text to Speech devices, except for the Lords who can afford higher quality devices. Shennanigans ensue when an unnamed Necron Lord discovers that his lowly minions can't pronounce certain things, so now all necrons make roflcopter sounds as their war cries. '''SOI SOI MOTHERFUCKER'''
*'''[[Stormcast Eternals|Ground Marines]]''': Introduced as a short spoof episode after the release of [[Age of Sigmar]], a group of Ultramarines determined to bring their superior selves to the service of [[Sigmar|"other Emperors"]] enter a portal and come out transformed as Stormcast Eternals, their appearance crushing a small group of [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|Empire]] Flagellants. Text then appeared expressing condolences for [[Warhammer Fantasy]] fans. Although non-canon, it's a jab at Games Workshop's need to crowbar Space Marines everywhere ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-MzNpMD1K8 As the Stormcast Eternals largely resemble the Space Marines]. Heck, their posterboy group even takes after [[Ultramarines|The Greatest Of Them All]] with the blue, white, and gold color scheme).
*'''[[Eliphas The Inheritor]]''': Makes a cameo in the second Q&A episode having sent a letter to the Emperor saying "Dear Corpse Emperor, Furk You." The episode then cuts to him laughing manically thinking he's so clever before the Emperor psychically punches him, promptly shutting him up.
*'''Little Billy''': A running gag character in the series. His appearance is a psychic child who made himself a crude power-armor costume using cardboard boxes, with Alfabusa's grey and blue livery for colors. The gag about him is that Billy is constantly subjected to lethal/traumatizing events, yet still survives to appear again, leading to a joke that he is actually a perpetual. So far he's been: run over by a space marine attack bike, kidnapped and thrown into a Dark Eldar slave pit ''twice'', and implied to have been molested by Lucius after contacting him using a psychic link and suddenly appearing before him and hammered in the face by a Deathwatch member before almost getting eaten by Tyranids in [https://youtu.be/mabM64rAd4k?t=25m32s| Behemoth]. He's also apparently talked to the High Lords at least once, since the Grand Provost Marshal hallucinates him. To date the only good thing to happen to him is Sly Marbo rescuing him after some internal deb-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ting.
*'''Hobo Guardsman''': also known as "Hobo-chan." Like Billy, he exists to be traumatized by the grim darkness of the universe. First he becomes an unwilling recipient of Lucius' charity efforts, that being a sandwich made from ''"freshly milked [[daemonette]] [[trap|milk]]"'', then later he gets harassed by the [[Adeptus Arbites]] for adding rat meat to his rations to make them more edible. Fed up with the bullshit, he decides to join Chaos, getting warped away before his planet is destroyed by Exterminatus.
*'''Inquisitor Headsmash''': Hangs around on a ship in low orbit waiting for heresy to occur. Has a heavily reinforced Exterminatus button which he gets a LOT of use of it - as the name implies, he hits it repatedly using his head. Has the enviable talent of hearing heresy from orbit.
*'''Detective Bruce Norring''': Appears in the Halloween specials. With most of the Inquisition missing, Bruce is put on the case of chasing down shady heretics on hive world Purgatory before unwittingly uncovering a Genestealer cult and nearly made into a genehost - only to get saved by a completely sloshed Inquisitor from the warp.
*'''Calato''': A [[Deathwatch]] Champion from the Dark Angels. Originally from BEHEMOTH, Calato served under Inquisitor [[Kryptman]], spending more time irritably fixing recaf rather than fighting xenos. Calato later shows up trapped in the warp with Karamazov and the rest of the Inquisition, where he had the balls to call Leman Russ a dogfucker to his face. Naturally, Russ was not amused. Later they made up over a pint of Fenrisian Ale, with Calato drunkenly embracing Russ as his "uncle... dog... my duncle!"
*'''[[Skarbrand]]''': Appears in the Warp Hijinks special as a victim of a ding-dong-ditch prank by Leman Russ and Fyodor. Skarbrand refers to himself exclusively in the third person and, being a Bloodthirster, [[RAGE|hates literally everything]]; he actually remains in the doorframe after answering, which he hates ''slightly'' less.
*'''[[Kairos Fateweaver]]''': Appears in the same special, where he tries his usual "Knights and Knaves" shtick on the Ordo Xenos Inquisitor, and gets fucked up for his troubles.
*'''The citizens of Hive World Purgatory''': Originally appearing in Alfa's Upper Hive games, hive world Purgatory appears a few times in the series proper. It's citizens are extremely idiotic and prone to murdering each other over the slightest suspicion. It's also been the victim of a recent Crotch Rot epidemic, and multiple Genestealer invasions.
*'''The Citizens Of The Imperium''': In special episodes where the Emperor answers mail from citizens of the Imperium (most of which is questions asked by watchers of the series), Loyalist humanity plus an odd Xeno or Chaos entity ask questions of him. These are supposed to by sorted by ''Little Kitten'' and later Magnus as well, but quite a few stupid ones get through to the point that without the aid of the cuddly Centurion, the Emperor's frustration causes Warpstorms which obliterate chunks of the universe.

==The Order of The Primarchs Return(?)==
During the season 3 intro, the silhouettes the miniatures of all the primarchs seems to appear in the order they will first enter the show, as the order roughly corresponds with their actual in-series appearances so far.

* [[Rogal Dorn]] (although we don't find out it's Dorn until after Magnus turns up)
* [[Magnus]]
* [[Vulkan]]
* [[Leman Russ]]
* [[Corvus Corax]] (Not seen, but heard trying to unstuck himself in some warehouse in Nocturne.)
* [[Ferrus Manus]]
* [[Lion El'Jonson]]
* [[Jaghatai Khan]]
* [[Angron]]
* [[Perturabo]]
* [[Lorgar]]
* [[Mortarion]]
* [[Fulgrim]]
* [[Alpharius]] or perhaps [[Omegon]]
* [[Konrad Curze]]
* [[Roboute Guilliman]] (although occasionally referred to
* [[Sanguinius]]
* [[Horus]] (although Horus has been seen in the April Fools and the second Q&A episode.)

==Trivia==
* The Emperor's motivation for creating the Human Webway was obtaining Eldar prostitutes, who could take him much better than humans could. The other benefits were an afterthought.
* The Emperor is plagued by a phantom-itch (courtesy of Nurgle) which caused his nose to continue itching long after it fell off and rotted out of existence. Tzeentch believes the frustration will cause him to explode, destroying humanity and causing him to become a new Chaos God.
* The Emperor likes tacos.
* The Emperor believes that [[Love Can Bloom]] will result in humans passing STDs onto Eldar, so he condones interspecies romance.
* The Emperor's left eye was accidentally poked out by Rogal Dorn's iron halo while attaching him to the Golden Throne (prompting the replacement before the rest of his body decayed). The Emperor intends to somehow resurrect him to punish him for it (though now that's no longer a necessity). Actually, in older depictions of the Emperor's duel with Horus, it is one of the wounds inflicting upon him (he also broke many bones, burned the Emperor's fabulous hairs, poisoned him and a lot of stuff...).
* Some of the Emperor's previous personas included Moses and [[Chris-Chan]]. Yes, really.
* The Emperor's shattered psyche includes knowledge of the 4th wall. This is not always available.
* The Emperor created the formula indicating when there is (almost) enough [[dakka]]. Only he himself and Kitten know it.
* The Emperor approves of the Tau in theory, although in practice only those willing to engage in melee. So basically just the [[Farsight|Farsight Enclaves]].
* In fact, the Emperor actually approves of any Xenos that isn't a threat to mankind. Absolute eradication is unnecessary if regulation suffices.
* Despite his intentions for the Imperial Truth involving suffocating the Chaos Gods, the Emperor's attempts at atheism were in fact making [[Necoho|an actual god of disbelief]]...according to Magnus.
* The Emperor can shape the [[Astronomicon]] so that he can flip the bird to the rest of the galaxy.
* Has a known hobby: Plays a children's card game (Yu Gi Oh) with a clearly cheesy, overpowered and unfair deck...that, like most [[cheese]], was destroyed as soon as it came across a hard counter. [[Horus Heresy|Apparently Emprah still hasn't learnt the lesson about why using OP stuff is a very bad idea.]]
* The Emperor has called for a second Council of Nikea. This one has nothing to do with Magnus; ironically, it's centered on the <s>Space Wolves</s> Space ''Corgis'', and the fact that the [[wikipedia:Woodland Critter Christmas|friendly woodland critters]] of Fenris that the Wolves commune with are actually daemons. We've yet to see Magnus' and Leman Russ' reaction to the news, but it's guaranteed to be hilarious.
* He has also ordered [[Logan Grimnar]] to deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls in the Imperium on Sanguinala.
* While he has a number of colorful insults for his subordinates, including the primarchs, he also has pet names for his sons, such as "my little Magnymagic" or "RogalyDonDon."
* The First Founding was originally named the [[Only Founding]], this was renamed after [[Codex Astartes|Guilliman's fuck up]].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuE2waTrXKk The Emperor disapproves of the saying "Life is the Emperor's currency"].
* The Emperor's flaming sword sounds like a squeaky toy hammer (at least when he bashed Tzeentch's faces in).

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Text To Heresy.png| If [[/d/]] still existed in 40k you can bet the Emperor would purge it.
Image:NOT CANON.png| Kitten with his TOTALLY NOT CANON girlfriend [[Shadowsun]]
Image:NotCanonShout.gif| What happens whenever someone mentions Shadowsun around Kitten
Image:EmperorSureal.gif| Emp's reaction to most things that have happened to the Imperium
Image:EmperorDisgraceful.gif| Likewise
Image:EmperorPunchesTzeentch.gif| The Emperor taking out his frustration on a certain [[Tzeentch|indecisive mollusk]]
Image:MagnusRant.gif| Magnus is not a fan of the Imperium's general intelligence levels
Image:DeciusHatBoner.gif| What passes for "Religious Ecstasy" in the Ecclisiarchy
Image:UltraFucknCrying.gif| Calgar's dissapointment over the flanderization of the Ultramarines is palpable
Image:PillarstodesEntrance.gif| [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM| *Cue Awaken.mp3*]
Image:AhrimanEXCUSEME.gif| Ahriman is a very grumpy boss
Image:SlaaneshPatrol.gif| If you hear EDM outside, don't answer the door. EVER.
Image:HighLordsIllegal.gif| The High Lords in a nutshell
Image:SuddenlyDaemons.gif| Magnus' original fuckup barely phased him at the time
Image:EmperorSpanking.jpg| The Emperor is the ideal father figure
Image:UltraSmurfingNecrons.gif| Calgar engaging in a little Ultraviolence
Image:RussWolfWarfare.jpg| Leman Russ' version of the infamous Navy Seal Copypasta
</gallery>

==External Links==

* [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA The entire series.]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice TV Tropes's page, for extra references.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqbQ_oKmflM A remix cover of the ending theme by StringStorm, check his other remixes too.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Not content with his first remix, StringStorm made a second one.]

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Gods]]

If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device

2016-10-31T01:10:12Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Others */

{{Awesome}}
{{Spoilers}}
[[File:If-the-emperor.png|500px|right|thumb|Prepare yourself for pure undiluted WIN!]]
'''The Lord:''' 
''"You've nothing more to say to me? You come but to complain unendingly? Is never aught right to your mind?"'' 
'''Mephistopheles:''' 
''"No, Lord! All is still downright bad, I find."'' 
- Goethe's Faust, Prologue in Heaven.

A Youtube series created by Bruva Alfabusa, the show follows the exploits of Emprah himself in his quest to bring the Imperium of Man to its former glory, helped by the captain of the Custodes "Little Kitten", Magnus (now forgiven and with soul) and a hilarious cast of other major 40k characters. The series has become a complete success, mostly by poking fun on many of the memes, traditions and quirks of the 40k universe and the fandom but also by some very awesome scenes and, of course, great music.

Most fans agree that, while a wild and very unserious take on the 40k universe, the plot itself isn't actually that outlandish (apart from the [[Ultramarines]] capturing [[Magnus the Red]]...). If the Emps would wake up, it's pretty much a given that he would remove the worst parts of the Inquisition as some of the first things, while probably being an ass, as he always was. The unsure part is if the Emps would have learned from his 10,000 years of mistakes, which the series believes he has, deep inside. Doesn't help his [[Rage|temper]] though.

The so-called "TTS-verse" also includes Karl the Deranged's series [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5enLrHSMuIs Chaos Descends], and Eliphas the Inheritor's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1cXYan0NQA Behemoth] trilogy. "Specials" are slated for story content that takes place outside the throne room.

==Dramatis Personae==
Starting off with a few characters, the series has evolved to encompass a fuckton of major and minor characters, with their own small arcs and all. It's not quite [[Order of the Stick|OotS]] level, but it's getting there.

===Team Emperor===
[[Image:Pleased Emprah.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Emperor of Mankind]]''': The Emprah, who's now able to verbally communicate with people after Techpriests installed a text-to-speech device on his throne. You know how Rouboute Guilliman is a 'jerk with a heart of gold'? Well the Emperor is a massive frothing plasteel dickbag with tourettes, with a heart of gold/platinum alloy studded with diamonds. Is currently planning to rebuild the Imperium after hearing the clusterfuck of stories from his Captain-General caretaker. He also has a pet [[Centurion Squad|Centurion]] (who turns out to be rather important), which he finds adorable, while finding [[Dreadknight]]s abominable. He is a jerk, frequently insulting the Captain General with little reason other than he can (and because it's funny), and dialogue with Magnus implies he's always been a prick. Nonetheless he is ultimately a sympathetic character who wanted to create a better future for humanity and the comedic outrage he displays at all the bad news he gets is justified given how he frequently hears about costly victories that could have been avoided if the men in charge were less incompetent and how the Imperium has been destroying itself (usually because of the Inquisition). The Emperor has a new plan for defeating Chaos after the "starve them out by getting rid of religion" plan didn't work, but like before, he refuses to tell anyone what that plan is (although this time around, it's apparently not because he doesn't trust anyone, but because he doesn't want to spoil the surprise).
[[Image:Sad Kitten.jpg|thumb|right]]
*''' Custodes Captain-General (aka Kitten)''': Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] and the only Custode who appears to have retained his sanity after the near-death of the Emperor, and for that matter one of the few sane humans in the Imperium. He serves as both the Emperor's personal caretaker and assistant, and pretty much the only person he regularly talks to and his main link to the outside world. Generally the only person the Emperor trusts and treats like a son, albeit constantly berating him whenever he does something stupid, or because he just feels like it. He also seriously hates [[Tau]]. One episode implies that it is because [[Shadowsun]] spurned him for the Greater Good (and also because he was a bit... fixated on the extremely y-onic shape of her nose), something he furiously and tearfully declares ''must'' be non-canon. He is named ''Little Kitten'' by his fellow Custodes, for "purring his way so far into their ranks", but his real name is a long seemingly nonsensical word salad supposedly based on his accomplishments... But given how he's been stuck in the palace for the last ten thousand years said accomplishments include things like "Goldilocks-Sunshine-Graham-Corncob". His frequent emotional outbursts despite the supposed emotionless state of the Custodes is intentional, and played for humor. After being forced out of the position of caretaker by his fellow Custodes, Kitten fell into a depression, to which Magnus ominously is taking advantage of by making Kitten his ally in making the Imperium great again and totally not get back at the old man. So far all he has done was kill a bunch of Lacrymoles that were impersonating the High Lords of Terra. It has been revealed that his uncanny knowledge of the outside world (considering the state of knowledge in the Imperium in general) could come from the Black Library itself.

*'''[[Magnus the Red]]''': The closest thing to a sane person besides the Captain-General (who plays the straight man depending on the situation). Retrieved from wherever within the Warp by the sheer plot-armor-powered efforts of [[Cato Sicarius]] and then brought to the Golden Throne, followed by the Emperor bullying [[Tzeentch]] in order to steal back Magnus' soul. Touched, he somehow managed to forgive the Emperor (sort of) and decided to help the Emps with his plan to fix the Imperium, but Emps being a jerk to him is starting to test his patience. The shiny new bike he was given helped with their reconciliation, though just how well his apparent heel-face turn has actually stuck is up for debate at best. The first thing he did with the bike was run over a bunch of kids on the street, possible foreshadowing? He may not be actively working for Chaos anymore, but he also quickly runs out of patience with his father and is attempting to fix the Imperium without his help, partly because he has serious doubts about his current sanity (which is kind of justified), and partly just to spite him. Magnus turns into a [[neckbeard]]ed daemon cyclops [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/9/9a/MagnusEpic.jpg that is a bit reminiscent of his old model back in] [[Epic]], whenever he enters [[rage]] mode - usually prompted by any mention of [[furries|space wolves]]. Is currently undertaking some obscure scheme with the unvitting aid of the Captain-General Kitten including attempted assassination of the [[High Lords of Terra]] and "borrowing" the Engine of Woes from Nocturne.

*'''[[Rogal Dorn]]:''' Primarch of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Is revealed as the Emperor's personal Centurion, with whom he had nightly cuddling sessions prior to his reveal. He came out of hiding after Kitten brought up the topic of discussing the [[Space Wolves]], where he vehemently suggested not to discuss the wolves to prevent Magnus from spazzing out. His extreme bluntness is shown to be less because he is an asshole and more because he is extremely oblivious and literal-minded and may have some form of autism (In episode 24 its greatly implied he is fully aware of everything going on including the emperors plans, implying he has some form of 'super sanity') , possibly due to using a fucking chainsword to scratch his head. Before his disappearance he used to consult his "magic pain glove" until his hand fell off. Despite his eccentricities and his inability to understand sarcasm, he can still make surprisingly lucid observations , such as that the end times are coming, and that not even the Chaos Gods will survive the potential end of all life in the galaxy. He even manages to, perhaps unwittingly, deliver one of the sickest burns yet on the Emperor, leaving him speechless. Actually, nearly every line he spouts is full of unintentional hilarity.

===Imperials (So sorta good guys)===
[[Image:Pillar-Stodes.png|thumb|right|From right to left: Wamuudes, Custodisi and Karstodes.]]
*'''The Pillar-stodes (Wamuudes, Custodisi, Karstodes)''': Some of the Emperor's personal companions from the Great Crusade days. After his interment into the Golden Throne, the rest of the Custodes have shed their armor as a sign of mourning. This, however, has also caused them to become fabulous hedonists (although somehow not to a Slaaneshi-tier extreme, they actually despise slaaneshi daemons the most, much to the Emperor's confusion), which greatly disturbs the Emperor. They also have no respect for their Captain General and don't even seem to remember that he's their superior, actually [[Just As Planned|taking away his job as the emperor's caretaker by doing something for him]]. They constantly slip innuendos into their conversations, much to the discomfort of everyone involved. Except for Rogal; he's too literal-minded to notice. A running gag with them is that whenever the Pillarstodes come into a scene, they would dynamically jump in from nowhere with their own [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM personal theme song]. The three Pillarstodes appearance is based on the Pillar Men from [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure]]: Battle Tendency; a group of fabulously well-built, half-naked Aztec vampire demigods seeking immortality. (they also make obscure jojo references at times)
*'''Diavodes''': Another crazy Jojo-Custodes (this one is based on Diavolo from part 5), he appeared out of the blue and asked Kitten and Magnus if they knew who he was, and was content to hear that they didn't. Once alone, he started to laugh maniacally, declaring that soon the new Emperor would be him, Diavodes! Also [[Alpha Legion|may or may not]] be [[Alpharius|a familiar face]] in disguise.
[[Image:High Lords Text.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''The [[High Lords of Terra]]''': The people responsible for running the Imperium itself. Despite this the majority of the High Lords never really discuss or do anything to the betterment of the Imperium and just act senile, once planning to outlaw breathing for everyone but them. For this reason Magnus wants them all dead and handle governing the Imperium directly, but Kitten may have succeeded in convincing them not to fuck over the Imperium so much. Apparently they High Lords are commonly recruited from the Old Folks' planet, a retirement home so terrible that the High Lords have banned ever saying its name. There are currently 5 (technically 7 if you count the Head Scribe and Fyoder) High Lords featured, aside from the Captain-General.¨
[[Image:High Lords 2.jpg|thumb|right]]
:*'''[[Ecclesiarchy|Ecclesiarch]] Decius XXIII''': The only non-senile High Lord aside from the Captain General, who legitimately takes his post seriously, even standing up to Fyodor and forbidding him to shed a single drop of blood from Terra's population (which Fyodor circumvented by using incendiary weaponry). For not screwing up the Emperor's plan, not being an overzealous bag of insanity, and rushing to try to save the Emperor when Fyodor stormed Terra's Palace he is allowed to stay leader of the Ecclesiarchy, even as the Emps is disbanding it/just changing every mention of '''God'''-Emperor to '''Man'''-Emperor, due to the fact that he and those who obeyed Emprah now are in charge of reforming the Imperium from the craphole it has sink in. [[Space Marines|Loyalty to the man rather than the word]] finally paid off. Just about everyone mocks him for his hat, which gets limp or...stiff depending on his emotional state. Hat Boners?!? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo He proved that despite the crap others give him, he can make some pretty rousing speeches on the fly].
:*'''Fabricator-General of Mars''': The head of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Is so old that his voice stutters every time he speaks like a broken version of Stephen Hawking in addition to always speaking in little tunes. Constantly does nothing but insult his fellow High Lords for being made of flesh and recommend they swap out their fleshy bits for mechanical augmentations. According to other Magos, the Fabricator-General is also a massive junkie and party animal, and he invites the other high lords for margaritas on Mars.
:*'''Grand Provost Marshal''': Head of the Adeptus Arbites, who does nothing but propose to make everything illegal. [[Judge Dredd|HE IS THE LAW]].
:*'''Master of the Administratum''': The head of the Imperial bureaucracy. A bit less inept than the rest of the high lords, he acts like your everyday senile grandfather.
:*'''Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard''': The leader of the Imperial Guard. Doesn't do much, apart from comparing war to the good ol' days. Aware enough to know that the removal of minor luxuries (laxatives, breathing) may have detrimental effects on the Imperial Guard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUrhqCkYwps Lays a sicknasty dilarius biznasty beat.]

===The Ultramarines===
*'''[[Marneus Calgar]]''': Chapter Master of the Ultramarines. He's currently depressed and frustrated at the state of the Ultramarines where they basically win everything (due to their plot armor) as well as their strict adherence to the Codex Astartes to the point that it's no longer fun anymore. Due to this, his mood is eternally grumpy, only made worse by Sicarius' constant gloating. He actually seems to care deeply for the men under his command as he get extremely pissed off when Sicarius put his marines at unnecessary risk to achieve another victory to inflate his reputation. He also appears in a flashback during the second [[Tyranid]] war in Ultramar, where he did battle with the Swarmlord. [https://youtu.be/cB79pnU2f2I?t=5m30s While he put up a valiant fight, he found that they were equally matched, and thus, declared it a draw.] Blatant hints point towards a deal he made with [[Matt Ward|something]] to give his Chapter win more victories (hinted to have begun during the Second Tyrannic War), which he deeply regrets.
*'''[[Cato Sicarius]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd company. His persona's played as Cato's canon need to be a glory hound and the embodiment of the Ultramarines' plot armor, turned up to eleven, where he only cares for his advancement in the ranks of the Ultramarines and not much else. He apparently undertook the mission to capture Magnus the Red. Alone. Without his gellar field turned on, and his survival at such mission greatly pissed off Calgar to no ends, who was hoping he would die. He is also very verbal about his intention to take the position of Chapter Master, which ''greatly'' upsets Calgar (as Cato's dialogues largely implies that he's better than him and wishes for his death), to the point where he threatens to perform an "Imperial Fisting" upon Sicarius with his Gauntlets if he continues such thoughts. He also has a very egotistical, effeminate voice that can only be described as "the love child of tinnitus and a jackhammer", and he always refers to himself in the third person. [https://youtu.be/bM8YGsAmeqE?t=1m56s It's goddamn hilarious.]
*'''[[Uriel Ventris]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 4th company. He doesn't have a lot of development yet, but appears as a close friend of Calgar and is the only one who's noticed the Ultramarines' theme of somehow always completing utterly suicidal missions. He comes to realize that some unknown force is tampering with space and time to rewrite history,([https://youtu.be/eG82ruvH0jc?t=120 Probably has to do with an ''itsy bitsy little'' '''SHARD''']) covering up the Ultramarines past failures and playing up their successes to impossible levels, and starts to suspect that Calgar knows more about this than he's letting on.
*'''[[Roboute Guilliman]]''': The Emperor has regularly made a point of ordering the Custodes Captain-General to have him taken off life-support. Currently the only reason he's still alive is Kitten winning an epic duel in a [[Yu-Gi-Oh|children's card game]] against the Emperor. The result of his actions and the Codex Astartes horrifies his father. Going by the previous canon of Guilliman perhaps actually regenerating from the wounds that supposedly killed him, the Empra likely wants the time stasis field deactivated so he can finally get off his fucking ass.

===The Salamanders===
*'''[[Vulkan]]:''' Primarch of the [[Salamanders]]. After the Ultramarines found the remaining artifacts of Vulkan in secret for the Salamanders, Vulkan returned to the chapter, where his return was greeted with great adulation (VUVUZELAS). He is notably quite crazy, and haunted by the ghost of Ferrus Manus. He speaks with a distinct African accent and loves friendship.
*'''[[Vulkan He'stan|He'stan]]''': Forgefather of the Salamanders. He is seen sleeping on an anvil on fire when Cato Sicarius delivered the remaining artifacts to the Salamanders, literally driving them through the wall of the fortress into the Forgefather's personal chambers. Thinking he found the artifacts in his sleep, he subsequently declares himself to be best forgefather.

===The Raven Guard===
*'''[[Corvus Corax]]''': Primarch of the Raven Guard. Appears at the end of one of the episodes. He's currently brooding away (and possibly stuck) in some dark room guarded by Salamanders, while writing edgy poetry in his journal. Magnus declared they were travelling to Nocturne to use the "Engine of Woes", whose name fits Corax's angsty personality; him hiding inside it might explain why he's on Nocturne in the first place.

===The Dark Angels===
*'''[[Azrael]]:''' Chapter Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. He's depicted as an overly paranoid wreck, obsessing about [[Cypher]], the [[Fallen Angels]] and constantly telling any non-inner circle member that reports to them that they're doing nothing suspicious and heretical. The fact that he had two newly indoctrinated inner circle members killed because they stumbled onto knowledge of the fallen (that he spat out in front of them) is played for laughs.
*'''[[Belial]]:''' Grand Master of the Deathwing. His emo personality is hilariously turned to eleven whenever he perceives himself or his chapter as not being perfect, which is every waking second. This curiously allows him to become more reasonable than the rest of the Inner Circle. He has an effeminate yet whiny voice similar to Thurston Howell III.
*'''[[Asmodai]]:''' The Dark Angels' Master of Repentance (which basically means "Violent Murdering" to him). He has an intense personality with a voice reminiscent of your stereotypical 1980s cartoon villain. [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=19m55s REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER.]
*'''[[Watchers in the Dark|Watcher in the Dark]] (aka Snurko):''' A Watcher that accompanies Azrael, who is apparently the only one of its kind who can talk. It suddenly spoke of Cypher while in the presence of two newly indoctrinated inner-circle Angels, [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=17m48s prompting Azrael to hilariously beat the shit out of it.] His speech and mannerisms appears to be based off Orko from the He-man series.

===The White Scars===
*'''[[Jaghatai Khan]]''': Primarch of the White Scars. During the Horus Humbug, he managed to pull off the amazing feat of standing still for more than 20 seconds (while riding on a Razorback going at 200 miles per hour, but still). After the Codex announcement, he may be in [[Commorragh]], as he desired to [[meme|go fast]] and beat them in their jetbike races. Not much is known about his whereabouts right now, but it does mean that we will get to see him. Also the emperor has stolen at least one of his bikes from his room.

===The Black Templars===
According to Rogal Dorn, absolute lunatics, obsessed with "PURGING WITH MY KIIIIIIIIIIIIIN"...
They enjoy their drop pods and ramming swords through xenos skulls. Actually not that far off canon.
*'''Chaplain [[Grimaldus]]:''' Shows up in a filler short where he tries to ban the holiday of Sanguinala. The other Black Templars tell him he can't, prompting him to go to his bed and throw a loyalist tantrum.

===The Space <s>Wolves</s> Corgis===
*'''[[Leman Russ]]''': Primarch of the Space <s>Wolves</s> Corgis. Has been hiding in the Warp. Has a verbal staredown with Karamazov, then proceeds to relentlessly mock him while obsessing over wolves. He also gives a thorough dressing-down of the 3 branches of the Inquisition, as well as the Deathwatch, Tempestus Scions and Sisters of Battle accompanying them (delivering the infamous line "Daemons of Khorne are gonna eat ya out like ice cream sandwiches once your Red Rage begins!"). He even has his own version of the [[meme|Navy Seal Copypasta]]. Despite being a viking, he has a pseudo-Scottish accent. Magnus has accused him of being a furry. He is currently teaching the Inquisition how to survive in the Warp by turning them into a drunken mob and killing innocent daemons. This include pranks of various sorts, such as crank calling Daemons, cockblocking a Daemonette at a bar (which actually kills them), and assaulting one of Nurgle's daemons with a fuckload of soap. After learning that Magnus is currently located in the imperial palace he decided to get out of the warp and go back to Terra, and is currently marching to the gate of Khaine, alongside with karamazov and Kalgor Draigo.

*'''Space Wolves [[Wulfen]]''': any mention of the Wulfen is normally echoed with someone shouting "[[Gorkamorka|Digganobz]]" in a demented manner. This is referred within a youtube short: the Grandmaster of the Grey Knights, sir Covan Leorac, was presented an image of the Wulfen and he called them Digganobz. And yes they really do look like Digganobz.

===The Grey Knights===
*'''[[Kaldor Draigo]]''': The Supreme Grand Master of the [[Grey Knights]], who is cursed to wander The Warp for eternity. Centuries wandering unrealspace however, eroded Draigo's sanity, which not might be a bad thing as his craziness allows him to both stay in the warp without any trouble and murder daemons left and right (remember: the warp is a reflection of the minds of mortals and psykers can influence it to a higher degree. Draigo's insanity and powerful psychic talents allows him to shrug off the madness of the warp, simply because he believes without a shadow of a doubt that he can). He's made several appearances, first is annoying Fyodor's attack force after being banished into the warp by Magnus and later summoned by Kitten to handle Magnus' tantrum, which he does so in a split-second offscreen using inexplicable Mary Sue powers to defeat him. He now hangs around with Russ and company, and is the only one besides Russ who can safely traverse the warp sober and troll daemons without his head exploding. Has apparently been sending Daemons (in the form of ordinary villagers, with jobs and families) into the "Super Warp" by throwing vortex grenades at them (given that they're already in The Warp, the grenades would suck them to an even deeper version of The Warp).

===The Imperial Guard===
*'''[[Sly Marbo]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI The One-Man Army], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y Hero of the Imperium!]
*'''[[Ollanius Pius]]''': Makes a split second appearence at 15.00 on Episode 24 before being headbutted to death by Horus. (Shame on you if you dont know this super dude, so read his history now!) In another episode, the Emperor takes the time to set the record straight that while Ollanius did in fact sacrifice himself for the Emperor, a Terminator and Custodes quickly followed suit in order to not be shown up by a mere mortal human. He was not amused by their transparent attempt to outshine Ollanius.

===Adversaries===
*'''[[Abaddon the Despoiler]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but has so far has been contacting various Chaos Champions to enlist their help with the next Black Crusade.
*'''[[Fulgrim]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but appears to have already joined Abaddon in his plans. He makes his appearance as the person who called Lucius to get him to join Abaddon.
[[Image:Fyo-Yo.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Lord [[Inquisitor]] Fyodor Karamazov''': Inquisitor of the [[Ordo Hereticus]] and a colossal jerk even among inquisitors. When the Emperor disbanded the Inquisition, he went ballistic and led an entire crusade to Terra to purge what he thinks is heresy. Ended up in the Warp via Magnus for his troubles, after being trolled in a magnificent manner by being told he is a fragment of the Emperor. This was all [[Just As Planned|the Emperor's plan for sending out the message in the first place]], to lure in all the more destructive Inquisitors to get rid of them. He's not out of the game yet, though, and is determined to return to the Emperor. He has become substantially more crazy after Leman Russ' Warp Survival lessons.
[[Image:Domi.png|thumb|right]]
:*'''Dominique''': The sentient scribe servitor on Fyodor's Throne of Judgement. He comically makes fun of Fyodor on several occasions and generally breaks the serious atmosphere that the Lord Inquisitor tries to project. He also has a curious predilection for sandpaper cigarettes and a rapacious drug habit. Died inexplicably during the Inquisition's drunken rampage,most likely due to alcohol poisoning . Voiced by Gonzo the Great.
[[Image:Mall.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Malleus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor brandishing bulky power armor, almost resembling Terminator armor (because it is, since it's a Grey Knight Grand Master, called "Grey Knight Leader" in the ending; on a side note, the Ordo Malleus has human size Terminator Armours in its possession). Is the most level-headed of the group.
[[Image:Here.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Inquisitor Adrielle Quist''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor whom you'd recognize if you've ever seen them. A xeno fetishist, evidence suggests she is actually a tsundere for [[Genestealers]], and only dreams of being held in the strong, manly arms of her [[Broodlord]]-kun. She appears to be the bad cop of the group with a short temper and a rough, Russian accent. She claims that the letter of disbanding inquisition was written by a genestealer cult under the Emperor's name. While stuck in the warp with Fyodor and the rest, she assaults [[Lord of Change|Kairos]] after asking if he's a Genestealer, naturally not caring which of his heads answered "Yes". Even mentioning Genestealers in her presence causes her to fly into a berzerker rage.
[[Image:Xen.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Hereticus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor dressed in black and using a bolt pistol with a sight mount (which is exactly from the front cover of [[Dark Heresy]]). Don't let his soft-spoken tone fool you - this guy gets aroused at the thought of executing other people regardless of what they've done. He is in favor of the door-kicking-and-burning-building type of [[Exterminatus]], just like a medieval witch hunter. He is possibly the same Inquisitor as the one in the mask (who snickers arousedly at executing friendlies and wonders were the mask came from).
*'''[[Torquemada Coteaz]]''': One of the Inquisitors who joined Fyodor's assault into the Imperial Palace. He shows up after Fyodor's forces was blocked off by a force of loyal Ecclesiarchy priests led by Decius in the palace, but breaches their defenses by throwing a barrel of Jokaero at the defenders. This plan causes Fyodor to lose any respect for him, which solicits a disheveled response from [[Awesome|Torquemada, telling him to get off his Throne of Judgement and tell him to his face, or use his multi-melta to do what he's too pathetic to]]. Fyodor backs off and lets him leave. So far he appears to be the only sane Inquisitor, snarling at Fyodor to not execute the Emperor for whatever offense he may pull out of his ass. He's also busy with [[The Lord Inquisitor|making a film]], which is why he didn't stay to see Fyodor's plans go to the Warp.
*'''Inquisitor Javerticus''': An Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor and the most dedicated and charismatic of them all, and also an awesome singer and swordsman. Sadly, the Grey Knights don't seem to comprehend his awesomely dramatic greatness. Named after the obsessive Inspector Javert.
*'''The Gods of [[Chaos]]''': The gods here are less chaotic than their canon counterparts. More-or-less they just sit around and talk to each other, the way they did prior to the Emperor showing up and making plans to wreck their collective shit.
**[[Tzeentch]] is a petty schoolyard bully/prankster who also likes to engage in pointless overthought pseudo-philosophy, and it's unclear if he means it or if it's just part of him being a troll.
**[[Slaanesh]] is a hyperactive masochistic camwhore. Steals from Khorne and trolls with sexual innuendos.
**[[Khorne]] is the only half-way normal Chaos God (if that term could ever be applied to the Gods), who has yet to appear beyond screaming at Slaanesh for being a creepy whore. Has a fairly good relationship with Khaine, though, and they work out together at the gym. Never skips leg day, unlike the Emperor.
**[[Nurgle]] is the only one actually doing any scheming. Has a voice that's really hard to understand without subtitles, and is more focused on his waifu Isha than actually doing anything.
**[[Malal]] makes several short appearances, conversing with the various gods on Spacebook where he declares he will ruin everyone once he becomes canon again by escaping the "Retconnian" (a dimension where the Squats, Horus' soul, and other things that don't exist anymore are banished to) and a second time is shown to exist in a pocket outside canon where he is able to influence things that are canon in subtle ways using the [[Black Crusade (RPG)|"Tyrant Star", a wandering sun that gives off black light and incites anarchy and chaos on whatever planet it shines on]]. It appears that his obsession to become relevant again is a harmful one, as Horus and a Squat talk him down from his attempts and console him when he breaks down crying about his futile attempts.
*'''[[Lucius the Eternal]]''': Slaanesh's premier champion, who sounds like what would happen if Mickey Mouse turned to Slaanesh and became a drag queen in the process (his first appearance is a direct reference to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g56q3j8NAcw this]). First shown fucking up some Imperial Guardsmen (in all senses of the word) with his warband, laughing like a maniac all the while. He then got a call from Fulgrim, inviting him and his band to join one of Abaddon's [[Black Crusade|"huge parties"]], which he accepted. His absolutely creepy portrayal in the series is quickly becoming one of the scariest (and most enjoyable) things in the franchise, sorta an impressive achievement. Runs a prank show in his spare time, and posts the results to Spacebook.
*'''[[Ahzek Ahriman]]''': Most powerful sorcerer of the [[Thousand Sons]]. Appears in a short scene where he finally gets access to the [[Black Library]], only to be dicked with, and eventually booted out by [[Cegorach]]. Decided to quit trying to get into the Black Library for a while and take a break, but decided against the latter after being summoned by Abaddon for the Black Crusade.
*'''[[Typhus]]''': Chaos Lord of the [[Death Guard]]. Has the voice of Gilbert Gottfried, which he uses to read [[Squad Broken|erotic fanfiction]] for Lucius. Like the other chaos champions, he's been summoned by Abbadon for the Black Crusade.
*'''[[Huron Blackheart]]''': We cannot confirm his appearance in the series proper, but it appears that he is with [[Abaddon]] in the Season 3 intro, perhaps pointing to an alliance of sorts. Why in the all the names of Chaos he is there, only Alfa (or maybe his voice actor) know.
*'''The [[Tyranid]] Hivemind''': Attempted to hijack the Chaos Gods' warpchat, but was kicked after too many synapses attempted connections. The Emperor claims that talking to the Tyranid Hivemind is like talking to a herd of hungry sheep.

===Others===
*'''[[Horus|FUCKING HORUS]]''': Appears in the April Fool's episode, where he breaks into the Emperor's throne room and incapacitates him. The Emperor declares Horus can't win because he's all alone, but says he isn't as he gathered allies while he was clawing his way out of The Warp, all of whom are some of the dead/retconned/obscure characters in the fluff, like; The Beast (An Ork who waged one of the most successful WAAAGH!s in human history), Goge Vandire (The man responsible for the worst chapter in Imperial History after the Horus Heresy), [[Sindri Myr]], the Megarachnids (A footnote insectoid race in the fluff, who were hunted to extinction by the Astartes in the Great Crusade.), the [[Squats]] (We all know who they are), Hermann Von Strab (One of the most inept commanders the Imperium has ever seen, who met his end in the 3rd War of Armageddon.), the [[Old Ones]], the Techno-Barbarians of olden Terra, 3ED [[Carnifex|Old One Eye]] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI SLY MARBOOO] *cue explosions*. He subsequently declares himself as the new Emperor. Later appeared for real in the second Q&A in the "Retconnian" with Malal and the Squats, and calms Malal's tantrum like a parent consoling a child.
*'''[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]''': Currently beating up the Overfiend of Octarius, as in official lore. It's still unknown where Ghazzy's gonna fit into things, though it will likely be to assemble all Orks into a single Great WAAAGH!!
[[Image:Cyph.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Cypher]]''': He has a very vague, mysterious plot involving the planet Orior and its STCs. This seems to take place not long after the [[Fallen_Angels#Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident|Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident]], as the Dark Angels managed to locate him by tracking his ship. He also seems to be skilled at disguise, as he just manages to waltz right into the Thunderhawk behind Azrael without any further comment. He's on his way towards Mars with the Dark Angels.
*'''Dolphan Gruss''': A Magos Explorator sent to Orior by the [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Admech]] to investigate the planet's STC. He is very blunt and dismissive when dealing with "fleshbags", and does so while speaking with a French accent. His most remarkable feature, however, is a drill that replaces his right hand, which, predictably, makes him the butt of many [[Anime|anime]]-related jokes, much to his dismay.
*'''Reimleiz the theorist''' a member of the mechanicus.currently searching for a segway for dorn in Khans shed. Wears a sick looking Dinosaur skull as a mask. Incabable of making any statement without wording it as a question,causing him to be on par with a certain mollusk in the Departement oft unecesasry questions. Voiced by 40k theories
*'''[[Cegorach]]''': The Laughing God, shown guarding the Black Library. He encounters Ahriman trying to enter and forcefully boots him out after a bit of trolling. He has a French accent.
*'''[[Isha]]''': Despite being a kidnapping victim initially, Isha is now in a relationship with Nurgle. She hates Tzeentch and Slaanesh, mocking the former and encouraging Nurgle to plague the latter.
*'''[[Gork]] and [[Mork]] (or was it Mork and Gork?)''': Two dumbfucks who argue with each other in other people's conversations on Spacebook, with Gork not actually knowing he's using the Interwarp and trying to figure out how to use it while already on it.
*'''[[Khaine]]''': Disappointed and annoyed by all the young Gods around him, sounds like an old man beat-down by life. He mostly hangs out in the warp chat and goes to the gym with Khorne.
[[Image:Text Marines.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[Image:Eliphas.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Felinids]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuvHPr4BGk The ultimate let-down.]
*'''[[Necron]]s''': They appear initially in a mini-episode by Karl. Necrons all speak with low-quality Text to Speech devices, except for the Lords who can afford higher quality devices. Shennanigans ensue when an unnamed Necron Lord discovers that his lowly minions can't pronounce certain things, so now all necrons make roflcopter sounds as their war cries. '''SOI SOI MOTHERFUCKER'''
*'''[[Stormcast Eternals|Ground Marines]]''': Introduced as a short spoof episode after the release of [[Age of Sigmar]], a group of Ultramarines determined to bring their superior selves to the service of [[Sigmar|"other Emperors"]] enter a portal and come out transformed as Stormcast Eternals, their appearance crushing a small group of [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|Empire]] Flagellants. Text then appeared expressing condolences for [[Warhammer Fantasy]] fans. Although non-canon, it's a jab at Games Workshop's need to crowbar Space Marines everywhere ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-MzNpMD1K8 As the Stormcast Eternals largely resemble the Space Marines]. Heck, their posterboy group even takes after [[Ultramarines|The Greatest Of Them All]] with the blue, white, and gold color scheme).
*'''[[Eliphas The Inheritor]]''': Makes a cameo in the second Q&A episode having sent a letter to the Emperor saying "Dear Corpse Emperor, Furk You." The episode then cuts to him laughing manically thinking he's so clever before the Emperor psychically punches him, promptly shutting him up.
*'''Little Billy''': A running gag character in the series. His appearance is a psychic child who made himself a crude power-armor costume using cardboard boxes, with Alfabusa's grey and blue livery for colors. The gag about him is that Billy is constantly subjected to lethal/traumatizing events, yet still survives to appear again, leading to a joke that he is actually a perpetual. So far he's been: run over by a space marine attack bike, kidnapped and thrown into a Dark Eldar slave pit ''twice'', and implied to have been molested by Lucius after contacting him using a psychic link and suddenly appearing before him and hammered in the face by a Deathwatch member before almost getting eaten by Tyranids in [https://youtu.be/mabM64rAd4k?t=25m32s| Behemoth]. He's also apparently talked to the High Lords at least once, since the Grand Provost Marshal hallucinates him. To date the only good thing to happen to him is Sly Marbo rescuing him after some internal deb-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ting.
*'''Hobo Guardsman''': also known as "Hobo-chan." Like Billy, he exists to be traumatized by the grim darkness of the universe. First he becomes an unwilling recipient of Lucius' charity efforts, that being a sandwich made from ''"freshly milked [[daemonette]] [[trap|milk]]"'', then later he gets harassed by the [[Adeptus Arbites]] for adding rat meat to his rations to make them more edible. Fed up with the bullshit, he decides to join Chaos, getting warped away before his planet is destroyed by Exterminatus.
*'''Inquisitor Headsmash''': Hangs around on a ship in low orbit waiting for heresy to occur. Has a heavily reinforced Exterminatus button which he gets a LOT of use of it - as the name implies, he hits it repatedly using his head. Has the enviable talent of hearing heresy from orbit.
*'''Detective Bruce Norring''': Appears in the Halloween specials. With most of the Inquisition missing, Bruce is put on the case of chasing down shady heretics on hive world Purgatory before unwittingly uncovering a Genestealer cult and nearly made into psychic timebomb - only to get saved by a completely sloshed Inquisitor from the warp.
*'''Calato''': A [[Deathwatch]] Champion from the Dark Angels. Originally from BEHEMOTH, Calato served under Inquisitor [[Kryptman]], spending more time irritably fixing recaf rather than fighting xenos. Calato later shows up trapped in the warp with Karamazov and the rest of the Inquisition, where he had the balls to call Leman Russ a dogfucker to his face. Naturally, Russ was not amused. Later they made up over a pint of Fenrisian Ale, with Calato drunkenly embracing Russ as his "uncle... dog... my duncle!"
*'''[[Skarbrand]]''': Appears in the Warp Hijinks special as a victim of a ding-dong-ditch prank by Leman Russ and Fyodor. Skarbrand refers to himself exclusively in the third person and, being a Bloodthirster, [[RAGE|hates literally everything]]; he actually remains in the doorframe after answering, which he hates ''slightly'' less.
*'''[[Kairos Fateweaver]]''': Appears in the same special, where he tries his usual "Knights and Knaves" shtick on the Ordo Xenos Inquisitor, and gets fucked up for his troubles.
*'''The citizens of Hive World Purgatory''': Originally appearing in Alfa's Upper Hive games, hive world Purgatory appears a few times in the series proper. It's citizens are extremely idiotic and prone to murdering each other over the slightest suspicion. It's also been the victim of a recent Crotch Rot epidemic, and multiple Genestealer invasions.
*'''The Citizens Of The Imperium''': In special episodes where the Emperor answers mail from citizens of the Imperium (most of which is questions asked by watchers of the series), Loyalist humanity plus an odd Xeno or Chaos entity ask questions of him. These are supposed to by sorted by ''Little Kitten'' and later Magnus as well, but quite a few stupid ones get through to the point that without the aid of the cuddly Centurion, the Emperor's frustration causes Warpstorms which obliterate chunks of the universe.

==The Order of The Primarchs Return(?)==
During the season 3 intro, the silhouettes the miniatures of all the primarchs seems to appear in the order they will first enter the show, as the order roughly corresponds with their actual in-series appearances so far.

* [[Rogal Dorn]] (although we don't find out it's Dorn until after Magnus turns up)
* [[Magnus]]
* [[Vulkan]]
* [[Leman Russ]]
* [[Corvus Corax]] (Not seen, but heard trying to unstuck himself in some warehouse in Nocturne.)
* [[Ferrus Manus]]
* [[Lion El'Jonson]]
* [[Jaghatai Khan]]
* [[Angron]]
* [[Perturabo]]
* [[Lorgar]]
* [[Mortarion]]
* [[Fulgrim]]
* [[Alpharius]] or perhaps [[Omegon]]
* [[Konrad Curze]]
* [[Roboute Guilliman]] (although occasionally referred to
* [[Sanguinius]]
* [[Horus]] (although Horus has been seen in the April Fools and the second Q&A episode.)

==Trivia==
* The Emperor's motivation for creating the Human Webway was obtaining Eldar prostitutes, who could take him much better than humans could. The other benefits were an afterthought.
* The Emperor is plagued by a phantom-itch (courtesy of Nurgle) which caused his nose to continue itching long after it fell off and rotted out of existence. Tzeentch believes the frustration will cause him to explode, destroying humanity and causing him to become a new Chaos God.
* The Emperor likes tacos.
* The Emperor believes that [[Love Can Bloom]] will result in humans passing STDs onto Eldar, so he condones interspecies romance.
* The Emperor's left eye was accidentally poked out by Rogal Dorn's iron halo while attaching him to the Golden Throne (prompting the replacement before the rest of his body decayed). The Emperor intends to somehow resurrect him to punish him for it (though now that's no longer a necessity). Actually, in older depictions of the Emperor's duel with Horus, it is one of the wounds inflicting upon him (he also broke many bones, burned the Emperor's fabulous hairs, poisoned him and a lot of stuff...).
* Some of the Emperor's previous personas included Moses and [[Chris-Chan]]. Yes, really.
* The Emperor's shattered psyche includes knowledge of the 4th wall. This is not always available.
* The Emperor created the formula indicating when there is (almost) enough [[dakka]]. Only he himself and Kitten know it.
* The Emperor approves of the Tau in theory, although in practice only those willing to engage in melee. So basically just the [[Farsight|Farsight Enclaves]].
* In fact, the Emperor actually approves of any Xenos that isn't a threat to mankind. Absolute eradication is unnecessary if regulation suffices.
* Despite his intentions for the Imperial Truth involving suffocating the Chaos Gods, the Emperor's attempts at atheism were in fact making [[Necoho|an actual god of disbelief]]...according to Magnus.
* The Emperor can shape the [[Astronomicon]] so that he can flip the bird to the rest of the galaxy.
* Has a known hobby: Plays a children's card game (Yu Gi Oh) with a clearly cheesy, overpowered and unfair deck...that, like most [[cheese]], was destroyed as soon as it came across a hard counter. [[Horus Heresy|Apparently Emprah still hasn't learnt the lesson about why using OP stuff is a very bad idea.]]
* The Emperor has called for a second Council of Nikea. This one has nothing to do with Magnus; ironically, it's centered on the <s>Space Wolves</s> Space ''Corgis'', and the fact that the [[wikipedia:Woodland Critter Christmas|friendly woodland critters]] of Fenris that the Wolves commune with are actually daemons. We've yet to see Magnus' and Leman Russ' reaction to the news, but it's guaranteed to be hilarious.
* He has also ordered [[Logan Grimnar]] to deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls in the Imperium on Sanguinala.
* While he has a number of colorful insults for his subordinates, including the primarchs, he also has pet names for his sons, such as "my little Magnymagic" or "RogalyDonDon."
* The First Founding was originally named the [[Only Founding]], this was renamed after [[Codex Astartes|Guilliman's fuck up]].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuE2waTrXKk The Emperor disapproves of the saying "Life is the Emperor's currency"].
* The Emperor's flaming sword sounds like a squeaky toy hammer (at least when he bashed Tzeentch's faces in).

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Text To Heresy.png| If [[/d/]] still existed in 40k you can bet the Emperor would purge it.
Image:NOT CANON.png| Kitten with his TOTALLY NOT CANON girlfriend [[Shadowsun]]
Image:NotCanonShout.gif| What happens whenever someone mentions Shadowsun around Kitten
Image:EmperorSureal.gif| Emp's reaction to most things that have happened to the Imperium
Image:EmperorDisgraceful.gif| Likewise
Image:EmperorPunchesTzeentch.gif| The Emperor taking out his frustration on a certain [[Tzeentch|indecisive mollusk]]
Image:MagnusRant.gif| Magnus is not a fan of the Imperium's general intelligence levels
Image:DeciusHatBoner.gif| What passes for "Religious Ecstasy" in the Ecclisiarchy
Image:UltraFucknCrying.gif| Calgar's dissapointment over the flanderization of the Ultramarines is palpable
Image:PillarstodesEntrance.gif| [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM| *Cue Awaken.mp3*]
Image:AhrimanEXCUSEME.gif| Ahriman is a very grumpy boss
Image:SlaaneshPatrol.gif| If you hear EDM outside, don't answer the door. EVER.
Image:HighLordsIllegal.gif| The High Lords in a nutshell
Image:SuddenlyDaemons.gif| Magnus' original fuckup barely phased him at the time
Image:EmperorSpanking.jpg| The Emperor is the ideal father figure
Image:UltraSmurfingNecrons.gif| Calgar engaging in a little Ultraviolence
Image:RussWolfWarfare.jpg| Leman Russ' version of the infamous Navy Seal Copypasta
</gallery>

==External Links==

* [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA The entire series.]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice TV Tropes's page, for extra references.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqbQ_oKmflM A remix cover of the ending theme by StringStorm, check his other remixes too.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Not content with his first remix, StringStorm made a second one.]

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Gods]]

If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device

2016-10-31T01:06:18Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Adversaries */

{{Awesome}}
{{Spoilers}}
[[File:If-the-emperor.png|500px|right|thumb|Prepare yourself for pure undiluted WIN!]]
'''The Lord:''' 
''"You've nothing more to say to me? You come but to complain unendingly? Is never aught right to your mind?"'' 
'''Mephistopheles:''' 
''"No, Lord! All is still downright bad, I find."'' 
- Goethe's Faust, Prologue in Heaven.

A Youtube series created by Bruva Alfabusa, the show follows the exploits of Emprah himself in his quest to bring the Imperium of Man to its former glory, helped by the captain of the Custodes "Little Kitten", Magnus (now forgiven and with soul) and a hilarious cast of other major 40k characters. The series has become a complete success, mostly by poking fun on many of the memes, traditions and quirks of the 40k universe and the fandom but also by some very awesome scenes and, of course, great music.

Most fans agree that, while a wild and very unserious take on the 40k universe, the plot itself isn't actually that outlandish (apart from the [[Ultramarines]] capturing [[Magnus the Red]]...). If the Emps would wake up, it's pretty much a given that he would remove the worst parts of the Inquisition as some of the first things, while probably being an ass, as he always was. The unsure part is if the Emps would have learned from his 10,000 years of mistakes, which the series believes he has, deep inside. Doesn't help his [[Rage|temper]] though.

The so-called "TTS-verse" also includes Karl the Deranged's series [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5enLrHSMuIs Chaos Descends], and Eliphas the Inheritor's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1cXYan0NQA Behemoth] trilogy. "Specials" are slated for story content that takes place outside the throne room.

==Dramatis Personae==
Starting off with a few characters, the series has evolved to encompass a fuckton of major and minor characters, with their own small arcs and all. It's not quite [[Order of the Stick|OotS]] level, but it's getting there.

===Team Emperor===
[[Image:Pleased Emprah.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Emperor of Mankind]]''': The Emprah, who's now able to verbally communicate with people after Techpriests installed a text-to-speech device on his throne. You know how Rouboute Guilliman is a 'jerk with a heart of gold'? Well the Emperor is a massive frothing plasteel dickbag with tourettes, with a heart of gold/platinum alloy studded with diamonds. Is currently planning to rebuild the Imperium after hearing the clusterfuck of stories from his Captain-General caretaker. He also has a pet [[Centurion Squad|Centurion]] (who turns out to be rather important), which he finds adorable, while finding [[Dreadknight]]s abominable. He is a jerk, frequently insulting the Captain General with little reason other than he can (and because it's funny), and dialogue with Magnus implies he's always been a prick. Nonetheless he is ultimately a sympathetic character who wanted to create a better future for humanity and the comedic outrage he displays at all the bad news he gets is justified given how he frequently hears about costly victories that could have been avoided if the men in charge were less incompetent and how the Imperium has been destroying itself (usually because of the Inquisition). The Emperor has a new plan for defeating Chaos after the "starve them out by getting rid of religion" plan didn't work, but like before, he refuses to tell anyone what that plan is (although this time around, it's apparently not because he doesn't trust anyone, but because he doesn't want to spoil the surprise).
[[Image:Sad Kitten.jpg|thumb|right]]
*''' Custodes Captain-General (aka Kitten)''': Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] and the only Custode who appears to have retained his sanity after the near-death of the Emperor, and for that matter one of the few sane humans in the Imperium. He serves as both the Emperor's personal caretaker and assistant, and pretty much the only person he regularly talks to and his main link to the outside world. Generally the only person the Emperor trusts and treats like a son, albeit constantly berating him whenever he does something stupid, or because he just feels like it. He also seriously hates [[Tau]]. One episode implies that it is because [[Shadowsun]] spurned him for the Greater Good (and also because he was a bit... fixated on the extremely y-onic shape of her nose), something he furiously and tearfully declares ''must'' be non-canon. He is named ''Little Kitten'' by his fellow Custodes, for "purring his way so far into their ranks", but his real name is a long seemingly nonsensical word salad supposedly based on his accomplishments... But given how he's been stuck in the palace for the last ten thousand years said accomplishments include things like "Goldilocks-Sunshine-Graham-Corncob". His frequent emotional outbursts despite the supposed emotionless state of the Custodes is intentional, and played for humor. After being forced out of the position of caretaker by his fellow Custodes, Kitten fell into a depression, to which Magnus ominously is taking advantage of by making Kitten his ally in making the Imperium great again and totally not get back at the old man. So far all he has done was kill a bunch of Lacrymoles that were impersonating the High Lords of Terra. It has been revealed that his uncanny knowledge of the outside world (considering the state of knowledge in the Imperium in general) could come from the Black Library itself.

*'''[[Magnus the Red]]''': The closest thing to a sane person besides the Captain-General (who plays the straight man depending on the situation). Retrieved from wherever within the Warp by the sheer plot-armor-powered efforts of [[Cato Sicarius]] and then brought to the Golden Throne, followed by the Emperor bullying [[Tzeentch]] in order to steal back Magnus' soul. Touched, he somehow managed to forgive the Emperor (sort of) and decided to help the Emps with his plan to fix the Imperium, but Emps being a jerk to him is starting to test his patience. The shiny new bike he was given helped with their reconciliation, though just how well his apparent heel-face turn has actually stuck is up for debate at best. The first thing he did with the bike was run over a bunch of kids on the street, possible foreshadowing? He may not be actively working for Chaos anymore, but he also quickly runs out of patience with his father and is attempting to fix the Imperium without his help, partly because he has serious doubts about his current sanity (which is kind of justified), and partly just to spite him. Magnus turns into a [[neckbeard]]ed daemon cyclops [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/9/9a/MagnusEpic.jpg that is a bit reminiscent of his old model back in] [[Epic]], whenever he enters [[rage]] mode - usually prompted by any mention of [[furries|space wolves]]. Is currently undertaking some obscure scheme with the unvitting aid of the Captain-General Kitten including attempted assassination of the [[High Lords of Terra]] and "borrowing" the Engine of Woes from Nocturne.

*'''[[Rogal Dorn]]:''' Primarch of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Is revealed as the Emperor's personal Centurion, with whom he had nightly cuddling sessions prior to his reveal. He came out of hiding after Kitten brought up the topic of discussing the [[Space Wolves]], where he vehemently suggested not to discuss the wolves to prevent Magnus from spazzing out. His extreme bluntness is shown to be less because he is an asshole and more because he is extremely oblivious and literal-minded and may have some form of autism (In episode 24 its greatly implied he is fully aware of everything going on including the emperors plans, implying he has some form of 'super sanity') , possibly due to using a fucking chainsword to scratch his head. Before his disappearance he used to consult his "magic pain glove" until his hand fell off. Despite his eccentricities and his inability to understand sarcasm, he can still make surprisingly lucid observations , such as that the end times are coming, and that not even the Chaos Gods will survive the potential end of all life in the galaxy. He even manages to, perhaps unwittingly, deliver one of the sickest burns yet on the Emperor, leaving him speechless. Actually, nearly every line he spouts is full of unintentional hilarity.

===Imperials (So sorta good guys)===
[[Image:Pillar-Stodes.png|thumb|right|From right to left: Wamuudes, Custodisi and Karstodes.]]
*'''The Pillar-stodes (Wamuudes, Custodisi, Karstodes)''': Some of the Emperor's personal companions from the Great Crusade days. After his interment into the Golden Throne, the rest of the Custodes have shed their armor as a sign of mourning. This, however, has also caused them to become fabulous hedonists (although somehow not to a Slaaneshi-tier extreme, they actually despise slaaneshi daemons the most, much to the Emperor's confusion), which greatly disturbs the Emperor. They also have no respect for their Captain General and don't even seem to remember that he's their superior, actually [[Just As Planned|taking away his job as the emperor's caretaker by doing something for him]]. They constantly slip innuendos into their conversations, much to the discomfort of everyone involved. Except for Rogal; he's too literal-minded to notice. A running gag with them is that whenever the Pillarstodes come into a scene, they would dynamically jump in from nowhere with their own [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM personal theme song]. The three Pillarstodes appearance is based on the Pillar Men from [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure]]: Battle Tendency; a group of fabulously well-built, half-naked Aztec vampire demigods seeking immortality. (they also make obscure jojo references at times)
*'''Diavodes''': Another crazy Jojo-Custodes (this one is based on Diavolo from part 5), he appeared out of the blue and asked Kitten and Magnus if they knew who he was, and was content to hear that they didn't. Once alone, he started to laugh maniacally, declaring that soon the new Emperor would be him, Diavodes! Also [[Alpha Legion|may or may not]] be [[Alpharius|a familiar face]] in disguise.
[[Image:High Lords Text.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''The [[High Lords of Terra]]''': The people responsible for running the Imperium itself. Despite this the majority of the High Lords never really discuss or do anything to the betterment of the Imperium and just act senile, once planning to outlaw breathing for everyone but them. For this reason Magnus wants them all dead and handle governing the Imperium directly, but Kitten may have succeeded in convincing them not to fuck over the Imperium so much. Apparently they High Lords are commonly recruited from the Old Folks' planet, a retirement home so terrible that the High Lords have banned ever saying its name. There are currently 5 (technically 7 if you count the Head Scribe and Fyoder) High Lords featured, aside from the Captain-General.¨
[[Image:High Lords 2.jpg|thumb|right]]
:*'''[[Ecclesiarchy|Ecclesiarch]] Decius XXIII''': The only non-senile High Lord aside from the Captain General, who legitimately takes his post seriously, even standing up to Fyodor and forbidding him to shed a single drop of blood from Terra's population (which Fyodor circumvented by using incendiary weaponry). For not screwing up the Emperor's plan, not being an overzealous bag of insanity, and rushing to try to save the Emperor when Fyodor stormed Terra's Palace he is allowed to stay leader of the Ecclesiarchy, even as the Emps is disbanding it/just changing every mention of '''God'''-Emperor to '''Man'''-Emperor, due to the fact that he and those who obeyed Emprah now are in charge of reforming the Imperium from the craphole it has sink in. [[Space Marines|Loyalty to the man rather than the word]] finally paid off. Just about everyone mocks him for his hat, which gets limp or...stiff depending on his emotional state. Hat Boners?!? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo He proved that despite the crap others give him, he can make some pretty rousing speeches on the fly].
:*'''Fabricator-General of Mars''': The head of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Is so old that his voice stutters every time he speaks like a broken version of Stephen Hawking in addition to always speaking in little tunes. Constantly does nothing but insult his fellow High Lords for being made of flesh and recommend they swap out their fleshy bits for mechanical augmentations. According to other Magos, the Fabricator-General is also a massive junkie and party animal, and he invites the other high lords for margaritas on Mars.
:*'''Grand Provost Marshal''': Head of the Adeptus Arbites, who does nothing but propose to make everything illegal. [[Judge Dredd|HE IS THE LAW]].
:*'''Master of the Administratum''': The head of the Imperial bureaucracy. A bit less inept than the rest of the high lords, he acts like your everyday senile grandfather.
:*'''Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard''': The leader of the Imperial Guard. Doesn't do much, apart from comparing war to the good ol' days. Aware enough to know that the removal of minor luxuries (laxatives, breathing) may have detrimental effects on the Imperial Guard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUrhqCkYwps Lays a sicknasty dilarius biznasty beat.]

===The Ultramarines===
*'''[[Marneus Calgar]]''': Chapter Master of the Ultramarines. He's currently depressed and frustrated at the state of the Ultramarines where they basically win everything (due to their plot armor) as well as their strict adherence to the Codex Astartes to the point that it's no longer fun anymore. Due to this, his mood is eternally grumpy, only made worse by Sicarius' constant gloating. He actually seems to care deeply for the men under his command as he get extremely pissed off when Sicarius put his marines at unnecessary risk to achieve another victory to inflate his reputation. He also appears in a flashback during the second [[Tyranid]] war in Ultramar, where he did battle with the Swarmlord. [https://youtu.be/cB79pnU2f2I?t=5m30s While he put up a valiant fight, he found that they were equally matched, and thus, declared it a draw.] Blatant hints point towards a deal he made with [[Matt Ward|something]] to give his Chapter win more victories (hinted to have begun during the Second Tyrannic War), which he deeply regrets.
*'''[[Cato Sicarius]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd company. His persona's played as Cato's canon need to be a glory hound and the embodiment of the Ultramarines' plot armor, turned up to eleven, where he only cares for his advancement in the ranks of the Ultramarines and not much else. He apparently undertook the mission to capture Magnus the Red. Alone. Without his gellar field turned on, and his survival at such mission greatly pissed off Calgar to no ends, who was hoping he would die. He is also very verbal about his intention to take the position of Chapter Master, which ''greatly'' upsets Calgar (as Cato's dialogues largely implies that he's better than him and wishes for his death), to the point where he threatens to perform an "Imperial Fisting" upon Sicarius with his Gauntlets if he continues such thoughts. He also has a very egotistical, effeminate voice that can only be described as "the love child of tinnitus and a jackhammer", and he always refers to himself in the third person. [https://youtu.be/bM8YGsAmeqE?t=1m56s It's goddamn hilarious.]
*'''[[Uriel Ventris]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 4th company. He doesn't have a lot of development yet, but appears as a close friend of Calgar and is the only one who's noticed the Ultramarines' theme of somehow always completing utterly suicidal missions. He comes to realize that some unknown force is tampering with space and time to rewrite history,([https://youtu.be/eG82ruvH0jc?t=120 Probably has to do with an ''itsy bitsy little'' '''SHARD''']) covering up the Ultramarines past failures and playing up their successes to impossible levels, and starts to suspect that Calgar knows more about this than he's letting on.
*'''[[Roboute Guilliman]]''': The Emperor has regularly made a point of ordering the Custodes Captain-General to have him taken off life-support. Currently the only reason he's still alive is Kitten winning an epic duel in a [[Yu-Gi-Oh|children's card game]] against the Emperor. The result of his actions and the Codex Astartes horrifies his father. Going by the previous canon of Guilliman perhaps actually regenerating from the wounds that supposedly killed him, the Empra likely wants the time stasis field deactivated so he can finally get off his fucking ass.

===The Salamanders===
*'''[[Vulkan]]:''' Primarch of the [[Salamanders]]. After the Ultramarines found the remaining artifacts of Vulkan in secret for the Salamanders, Vulkan returned to the chapter, where his return was greeted with great adulation (VUVUZELAS). He is notably quite crazy, and haunted by the ghost of Ferrus Manus. He speaks with a distinct African accent and loves friendship.
*'''[[Vulkan He'stan|He'stan]]''': Forgefather of the Salamanders. He is seen sleeping on an anvil on fire when Cato Sicarius delivered the remaining artifacts to the Salamanders, literally driving them through the wall of the fortress into the Forgefather's personal chambers. Thinking he found the artifacts in his sleep, he subsequently declares himself to be best forgefather.

===The Raven Guard===
*'''[[Corvus Corax]]''': Primarch of the Raven Guard. Appears at the end of one of the episodes. He's currently brooding away (and possibly stuck) in some dark room guarded by Salamanders, while writing edgy poetry in his journal. Magnus declared they were travelling to Nocturne to use the "Engine of Woes", whose name fits Corax's angsty personality; him hiding inside it might explain why he's on Nocturne in the first place.

===The Dark Angels===
*'''[[Azrael]]:''' Chapter Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. He's depicted as an overly paranoid wreck, obsessing about [[Cypher]], the [[Fallen Angels]] and constantly telling any non-inner circle member that reports to them that they're doing nothing suspicious and heretical. The fact that he had two newly indoctrinated inner circle members killed because they stumbled onto knowledge of the fallen (that he spat out in front of them) is played for laughs.
*'''[[Belial]]:''' Grand Master of the Deathwing. His emo personality is hilariously turned to eleven whenever he perceives himself or his chapter as not being perfect, which is every waking second. This curiously allows him to become more reasonable than the rest of the Inner Circle. He has an effeminate yet whiny voice similar to Thurston Howell III.
*'''[[Asmodai]]:''' The Dark Angels' Master of Repentance (which basically means "Violent Murdering" to him). He has an intense personality with a voice reminiscent of your stereotypical 1980s cartoon villain. [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=19m55s REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER.]
*'''[[Watchers in the Dark|Watcher in the Dark]] (aka Snurko):''' A Watcher that accompanies Azrael, who is apparently the only one of its kind who can talk. It suddenly spoke of Cypher while in the presence of two newly indoctrinated inner-circle Angels, [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=17m48s prompting Azrael to hilariously beat the shit out of it.] His speech and mannerisms appears to be based off Orko from the He-man series.

===The White Scars===
*'''[[Jaghatai Khan]]''': Primarch of the White Scars. During the Horus Humbug, he managed to pull off the amazing feat of standing still for more than 20 seconds (while riding on a Razorback going at 200 miles per hour, but still). After the Codex announcement, he may be in [[Commorragh]], as he desired to [[meme|go fast]] and beat them in their jetbike races. Not much is known about his whereabouts right now, but it does mean that we will get to see him. Also the emperor has stolen at least one of his bikes from his room.

===The Black Templars===
According to Rogal Dorn, absolute lunatics, obsessed with "PURGING WITH MY KIIIIIIIIIIIIIN"...
They enjoy their drop pods and ramming swords through xenos skulls. Actually not that far off canon.
*'''Chaplain [[Grimaldus]]:''' Shows up in a filler short where he tries to ban the holiday of Sanguinala. The other Black Templars tell him he can't, prompting him to go to his bed and throw a loyalist tantrum.

===The Space <s>Wolves</s> Corgis===
*'''[[Leman Russ]]''': Primarch of the Space <s>Wolves</s> Corgis. Has been hiding in the Warp. Has a verbal staredown with Karamazov, then proceeds to relentlessly mock him while obsessing over wolves. He also gives a thorough dressing-down of the 3 branches of the Inquisition, as well as the Deathwatch, Tempestus Scions and Sisters of Battle accompanying them (delivering the infamous line "Daemons of Khorne are gonna eat ya out like ice cream sandwiches once your Red Rage begins!"). He even has his own version of the [[meme|Navy Seal Copypasta]]. Despite being a viking, he has a pseudo-Scottish accent. Magnus has accused him of being a furry. He is currently teaching the Inquisition how to survive in the Warp by turning them into a drunken mob and killing innocent daemons. This include pranks of various sorts, such as crank calling Daemons, cockblocking a Daemonette at a bar (which actually kills them), and assaulting one of Nurgle's daemons with a fuckload of soap. After learning that Magnus is currently located in the imperial palace he decided to get out of the warp and go back to Terra, and is currently marching to the gate of Khaine, alongside with karamazov and Kalgor Draigo.

*'''Space Wolves [[Wulfen]]''': any mention of the Wulfen is normally echoed with someone shouting "[[Gorkamorka|Digganobz]]" in a demented manner. This is referred within a youtube short: the Grandmaster of the Grey Knights, sir Covan Leorac, was presented an image of the Wulfen and he called them Digganobz. And yes they really do look like Digganobz.

===The Grey Knights===
*'''[[Kaldor Draigo]]''': The Supreme Grand Master of the [[Grey Knights]], who is cursed to wander The Warp for eternity. Centuries wandering unrealspace however, eroded Draigo's sanity, which not might be a bad thing as his craziness allows him to both stay in the warp without any trouble and murder daemons left and right (remember: the warp is a reflection of the minds of mortals and psykers can influence it to a higher degree. Draigo's insanity and powerful psychic talents allows him to shrug off the madness of the warp, simply because he believes without a shadow of a doubt that he can). He's made several appearances, first is annoying Fyodor's attack force after being banished into the warp by Magnus and later summoned by Kitten to handle Magnus' tantrum, which he does so in a split-second offscreen using inexplicable Mary Sue powers to defeat him. He now hangs around with Russ and company, and is the only one besides Russ who can safely traverse the warp sober and troll daemons without his head exploding. Has apparently been sending Daemons (in the form of ordinary villagers, with jobs and families) into the "Super Warp" by throwing vortex grenades at them (given that they're already in The Warp, the grenades would suck them to an even deeper version of The Warp).

===The Imperial Guard===
*'''[[Sly Marbo]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI The One-Man Army], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y Hero of the Imperium!]
*'''[[Ollanius Pius]]''': Makes a split second appearence at 15.00 on Episode 24 before being headbutted to death by Horus. (Shame on you if you dont know this super dude, so read his history now!) In another episode, the Emperor takes the time to set the record straight that while Ollanius did in fact sacrifice himself for the Emperor, a Terminator and Custodes quickly followed suit in order to not be shown up by a mere mortal human. He was not amused by their transparent attempt to outshine Ollanius.

===Adversaries===
*'''[[Abaddon the Despoiler]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but has so far has been contacting various Chaos Champions to enlist their help with the next Black Crusade.
*'''[[Fulgrim]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but appears to have already joined Abaddon in his plans. He makes his appearance as the person who called Lucius to get him to join Abaddon.
[[Image:Fyo-Yo.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Lord [[Inquisitor]] Fyodor Karamazov''': Inquisitor of the [[Ordo Hereticus]] and a colossal jerk even among inquisitors. When the Emperor disbanded the Inquisition, he went ballistic and led an entire crusade to Terra to purge what he thinks is heresy. Ended up in the Warp via Magnus for his troubles, after being trolled in a magnificent manner by being told he is a fragment of the Emperor. This was all [[Just As Planned|the Emperor's plan for sending out the message in the first place]], to lure in all the more destructive Inquisitors to get rid of them. He's not out of the game yet, though, and is determined to return to the Emperor. He has become substantially more crazy after Leman Russ' Warp Survival lessons.
[[Image:Domi.png|thumb|right]]
:*'''Dominique''': The sentient scribe servitor on Fyodor's Throne of Judgement. He comically makes fun of Fyodor on several occasions and generally breaks the serious atmosphere that the Lord Inquisitor tries to project. He also has a curious predilection for sandpaper cigarettes and a rapacious drug habit. Died inexplicably during the Inquisition's drunken rampage,most likely due to alcohol poisoning . Voiced by Gonzo the Great.
[[Image:Mall.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Malleus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor brandishing bulky power armor, almost resembling Terminator armor (because it is, since it's a Grey Knight Grand Master, called "Grey Knight Leader" in the ending; on a side note, the Ordo Malleus has human size Terminator Armours in its possession). Is the most level-headed of the group.
[[Image:Here.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Inquisitor Adrielle Quist''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor whom you'd recognize if you've ever seen them. A xeno fetishist, evidence suggests she is actually a tsundere for [[Genestealers]], and only dreams of being held in the strong, manly arms of her [[Broodlord]]-kun. She appears to be the bad cop of the group with a short temper and a rough, Russian accent. She claims that the letter of disbanding inquisition was written by a genestealer cult under the Emperor's name. While stuck in the warp with Fyodor and the rest, she assaults [[Lord of Change|Kairos]] after asking if he's a Genestealer, naturally not caring which of his heads answered "Yes". Even mentioning Genestealers in her presence causes her to fly into a berzerker rage.
[[Image:Xen.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Hereticus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor dressed in black and using a bolt pistol with a sight mount (which is exactly from the front cover of [[Dark Heresy]]). Don't let his soft-spoken tone fool you - this guy gets aroused at the thought of executing other people regardless of what they've done. He is in favor of the door-kicking-and-burning-building type of [[Exterminatus]], just like a medieval witch hunter. He is possibly the same Inquisitor as the one in the mask (who snickers arousedly at executing friendlies and wonders were the mask came from).
*'''[[Torquemada Coteaz]]''': One of the Inquisitors who joined Fyodor's assault into the Imperial Palace. He shows up after Fyodor's forces was blocked off by a force of loyal Ecclesiarchy priests led by Decius in the palace, but breaches their defenses by throwing a barrel of Jokaero at the defenders. This plan causes Fyodor to lose any respect for him, which solicits a disheveled response from [[Awesome|Torquemada, telling him to get off his Throne of Judgement and tell him to his face, or use his multi-melta to do what he's too pathetic to]]. Fyodor backs off and lets him leave. So far he appears to be the only sane Inquisitor, snarling at Fyodor to not execute the Emperor for whatever offense he may pull out of his ass. He's also busy with [[The Lord Inquisitor|making a film]], which is why he didn't stay to see Fyodor's plans go to the Warp.
*'''Inquisitor Javerticus''': An Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor and the most dedicated and charismatic of them all, and also an awesome singer and swordsman. Sadly, the Grey Knights don't seem to comprehend his awesomely dramatic greatness. Named after the obsessive Inspector Javert.
*'''The Gods of [[Chaos]]''': The gods here are less chaotic than their canon counterparts. More-or-less they just sit around and talk to each other, the way they did prior to the Emperor showing up and making plans to wreck their collective shit.
**[[Tzeentch]] is a petty schoolyard bully/prankster who also likes to engage in pointless overthought pseudo-philosophy, and it's unclear if he means it or if it's just part of him being a troll.
**[[Slaanesh]] is a hyperactive masochistic camwhore. Steals from Khorne and trolls with sexual innuendos.
**[[Khorne]] is the only half-way normal Chaos God (if that term could ever be applied to the Gods), who has yet to appear beyond screaming at Slaanesh for being a creepy whore. Has a fairly good relationship with Khaine, though, and they work out together at the gym. Never skips leg day, unlike the Emperor.
**[[Nurgle]] is the only one actually doing any scheming. Has a voice that's really hard to understand without subtitles, and is more focused on his waifu Isha than actually doing anything.
**[[Malal]] makes several short appearances, conversing with the various gods on Spacebook where he declares he will ruin everyone once he becomes canon again by escaping the "Retconnian" (a dimension where the Squats, Horus' soul, and other things that don't exist anymore are banished to) and a second time is shown to exist in a pocket outside canon where he is able to influence things that are canon in subtle ways using the [[Black Crusade (RPG)|"Tyrant Star", a wandering sun that gives off black light and incites anarchy and chaos on whatever planet it shines on]]. It appears that his obsession to become relevant again is a harmful one, as Horus and a Squat talk him down from his attempts and console him when he breaks down crying about his futile attempts.
*'''[[Lucius the Eternal]]''': Slaanesh's premier champion, who sounds like what would happen if Mickey Mouse turned to Slaanesh and became a drag queen in the process (his first appearance is a direct reference to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g56q3j8NAcw this]). First shown fucking up some Imperial Guardsmen (in all senses of the word) with his warband, laughing like a maniac all the while. He then got a call from Fulgrim, inviting him and his band to join one of Abaddon's [[Black Crusade|"huge parties"]], which he accepted. His absolutely creepy portrayal in the series is quickly becoming one of the scariest (and most enjoyable) things in the franchise, sorta an impressive achievement. Runs a prank show in his spare time, and posts the results to Spacebook.
*'''[[Ahzek Ahriman]]''': Most powerful sorcerer of the [[Thousand Sons]]. Appears in a short scene where he finally gets access to the [[Black Library]], only to be dicked with, and eventually booted out by [[Cegorach]]. Decided to quit trying to get into the Black Library for a while and take a break, but decided against the latter after being summoned by Abaddon for the Black Crusade.
*'''[[Typhus]]''': Chaos Lord of the [[Death Guard]]. Has the voice of Gilbert Gottfried, which he uses to read [[Squad Broken|erotic fanfiction]] for Lucius. Like the other chaos champions, he's been summoned by Abbadon for the Black Crusade.
*'''[[Huron Blackheart]]''': We cannot confirm his appearance in the series proper, but it appears that he is with [[Abaddon]] in the Season 3 intro, perhaps pointing to an alliance of sorts. Why in the all the names of Chaos he is there, only Alfa (or maybe his voice actor) know.
*'''The [[Tyranid]] Hivemind''': Attempted to hijack the Chaos Gods' warpchat, but was kicked after too many synapses attempted connections. The Emperor claims that talking to the Tyranid Hivemind is like talking to a herd of hungry sheep.

===Others===
*'''[[Horus|FUCKING HORUS]]''': Appears in the April Fool's episode, where he breaks into the Emperor's throne room and incapacitates him. The Emperor declares Horus can't win because he's all alone, but says he isn't as he gathered allies while he was clawing his way out of The Warp, all of whom are some of the dead/retconned/obscure characters in the fluff, like; The Beast (An Ork who waged one of the most successful WAAAGH!s in human history), Goge Vandire (The man responsible for the worst chapter in Imperial History after the Horus Heresy), [[Sindri Myr]], the Megarachnids (A footnote insectoid race in the fluff, who were hunted to extinction by the Astartes in the Great Crusade.), the [[Squats]] (We all know who they are), Hermann Von Strab (One of the most inept commanders the Imperium has ever seen, who met his end in the 3rd War of Armageddon.), the [[Old Ones]], the Techno-Barbarians of olden Terra, 3ED [[Carnifex|Old One Eye]] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI SLY MARBOOO] *cue explosions*. He subsequently declares himself as the new Emperor. Later appeared for real in the second Q&A in the "Retconnian" with Malal and the Squats, and calms Malal's tantrum like a parent consoling a child.
*'''[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]''': Currently beating up the Overfiend of Octarius, as in official lore. It's still unknown where Ghazzy's gonna fit into things, though it will likely be to assemble all Orks into a single Great WAAAGH!!
[[Image:Cyph.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Cypher]]''': He has a very vague, mysterious plot involving the planet Orior and its STCs. This seems to take place not long after the [[Fallen_Angels#Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident|Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident]], as the Dark Angels managed to locate him by tracking his ship. He also seems to be skilled at disguise, as he just manages to waltz right into the Thunderhawk behind Azrael without any further comment. He's on his way towards Mars with the Dark Angels.
*'''Dolphan Gruss''': A Magos Explorator sent to Orior by the [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Admech]] to investigate the planet's STC. He is very blunt and dismissive when dealing with "fleshbags", and does so while speaking with a French accent. His most remarkable feature, however, is a drill that replaces his right hand, which, predictably, makes him the butt of many [[Anime|anime]]-related jokes, much to his dismay.
*'''Reimleiz the theorist''' a member of the mechanicus.currently searching for a segway for dorn in Khans shed. Wears a sick looking Dinosaur skull as a mask. Incabable of making any statement without wording it as a question,causing him to be on par with a certain mollusk in the Departement oft unecesasry questions. Voiced by 40k theories
*'''[[Cegorach]]''': The Laughing God, shown guarding the Black Library. He encounters Ahriman trying to enter and forcefully boots him out after a bit of trolling. He has a French accent.
*'''[[Isha]]''': Despite being a kidnapping victim initially, Isha is now in a relationship with Nurgle. She hates Tzeentch and Slaanesh, mocking the former and encouraging Nurgle to plague the latter.
*'''[[Gork]] and [[Mork]] (or was it Mork and Gork?)''': Two dumbfucks who argue with each other in other people's conversations on Spacebook, with Gork not actually knowing he's using the Interwarp and trying to figure out how to use it while already on it.
*'''[[Khaine]]''': Disappointed and annoyed by all the young Gods around him, sounds like an old man beat-down by life. He mostly hangs out in the warp chat and goes to the gym with Khorne.
[[Image:Text Marines.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[Image:Eliphas.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Felinids]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuvHPr4BGk The ultimate let-down.]
*'''[[Necron]]s''': They appear initially in a mini-episode by Karl. Necrons all speak with low-quality Text to Speech devices, except for the Lords who can afford higher quality devices. Shennanigans ensue when an unnamed Necron Lord discovers that his lowly minions can't pronounce certain things, so now all necrons make roflcopter sounds as their war cries. '''SOI SOI MOTHERFUCKER'''
*'''[[Stormcast Eternals|Ground Marines]]''': Introduced as a short spoof episode after the release of [[Age of Sigmar]], a group of Ultramarines determined to bring their superior selves to the service of [[Sigmar|"other Emperors"]] enter a portal and come out transformed as Stormcast Eternals, their appearance crushing a small group of [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|Empire]] Flagellants. Text then appeared expressing condolences for [[Warhammer Fantasy]] fans. Although non-canon, it's a jab at Games Workshop's need to crowbar Space Marines everywhere ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-MzNpMD1K8 As the Stormcast Eternals largely resemble the Space Marines]. Heck, their posterboy group even takes after [[Ultramarines|The Greatest Of Them All]] with the blue, white, and gold color scheme).
*'''[[Eliphas The Inheritor]]''': Makes a cameo in the second Q&A episode having sent a letter to the Emperor saying "Dear Corpse Emperor, Furk You." The episode then cuts to him laughing manically thinking he's so clever before the Emperor psychically punches him, promptly shutting him up.
*'''Little Billy''': A running gag character in the series. His appearance is a psychic child who made himself a crude power-armor costume using cardboard boxes, with Alfabusa's grey and blue livery for colors. The gag about him is that Billy is constantly subjected to lethal/traumatizing events, yet still survives to appear again, leading to a joke that he is actually a perpetual. So far he's been: run over by a space marine attack bike, kidnapped and thrown into a Dark Eldar slave pit ''twice'', and implied to have been molested by Lucius after contacting him using a psychic link and suddenly appearing before him and hammered in the face by a Deathwatch member before almost getting eaten by Tyranids in [https://youtu.be/mabM64rAd4k?t=25m32s| Behemoth]. He's also apparently talked to the High Lords at least once, since the Grand Provost Marshal hallucinates him. To date the only good thing to happen to him is Sly Marbo rescuing him after some internal deb-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ting.
*'''Hobo Guardsman''': also known as "Hobo-chan." Like Billy, he exists to be traumatized by the grim darkness of the universe. First he becomes an unwilling recipient of Lucius' charity efforts, that being a sandwich made from ''"freshly milked [[daemonette]] [[trap|milk]]"'', then later he gets harassed by the [[Adeptus Arbites]] for adding rat meat to his rations to make them more edible. Fed up with the bullshit, he decides to join Chaos, getting warped away before his planet is destroyed by Exterminatus.
*'''Inquisitor Headsmash''': Hangs around on a ship in low orbit waiting for heresy to occur. Has a heavily reinforced Exterminatus button which he gets a LOT of use of it - as the name implies, he hits it repatedly using his head. Has the enviable talent of hearing heresy from orbit.
*'''Detective Bruce Norring''': Appears in the Halloween specials. With most of the Inquisition missing, Bruce is put on the case of chasing down shady heretics before unwittingly uncovering a Genestealer cult and nearly made into psychic timebomb - only to get saved by a completely sloshed Inquisitor from the warp.
*'''Calato''': A [[Deathwatch]] Champion from the Dark Angels. Originally from BEHEMOTH, Calato served under Inquisitor [[Kryptman]], spending more time irritably fixing recaf rather than fighting xenos. Calato later shows up trapped in the warp with Karamazov and the rest of the Inquisition, where he had the balls to call Leman Russ a dogfucker to his face. Naturally, Russ was not amused. Later they made up over a pint of Fenrisian Ale, with Calato drunkenly embracing Russ as his "uncle... dog... my duncle!"
*'''[[Skarbrand]]''': Appears in the Warp Hijinks special as a victim of a ding-dong-ditch prank by Leman Russ and Fyodor. Skarbrand refers to himself exclusively in the third person and, being a Bloodthirster, [[RAGE|hates literally everything]]; he actually remains in the doorframe after answering, which he hates ''slightly'' less.
*'''[[Kairos Fateweaver]]''': Appears in the same special, where he tries his usual "Knights and Knaves" shtick on the Ordo Xenos Inquisitor, and gets fucked up for his troubles.
*'''The Citizens Of The Imperium''': In special episodes where the Emperor answers mail from citizens of the Imperium (most of which is questions asked by watchers of the series), Loyalist humanity plus an odd Xeno or Chaos entity ask questions of him. These are supposed to by sorted by ''Little Kitten'' and later Magnus as well, but quite a few stupid ones get through to the point that without the aid of the cuddly Centurion, the Emperor's frustration causes Warpstorms which obliterate chunks of the universe.

==The Order of The Primarchs Return(?)==
During the season 3 intro, the silhouettes the miniatures of all the primarchs seems to appear in the order they will first enter the show, as the order roughly corresponds with their actual in-series appearances so far.

* [[Rogal Dorn]] (although we don't find out it's Dorn until after Magnus turns up)
* [[Magnus]]
* [[Vulkan]]
* [[Leman Russ]]
* [[Corvus Corax]] (Not seen, but heard trying to unstuck himself in some warehouse in Nocturne.)
* [[Ferrus Manus]]
* [[Lion El'Jonson]]
* [[Jaghatai Khan]]
* [[Angron]]
* [[Perturabo]]
* [[Lorgar]]
* [[Mortarion]]
* [[Fulgrim]]
* [[Alpharius]] or perhaps [[Omegon]]
* [[Konrad Curze]]
* [[Roboute Guilliman]] (although occasionally referred to
* [[Sanguinius]]
* [[Horus]] (although Horus has been seen in the April Fools and the second Q&A episode.)

==Trivia==
* The Emperor's motivation for creating the Human Webway was obtaining Eldar prostitutes, who could take him much better than humans could. The other benefits were an afterthought.
* The Emperor is plagued by a phantom-itch (courtesy of Nurgle) which caused his nose to continue itching long after it fell off and rotted out of existence. Tzeentch believes the frustration will cause him to explode, destroying humanity and causing him to become a new Chaos God.
* The Emperor likes tacos.
* The Emperor believes that [[Love Can Bloom]] will result in humans passing STDs onto Eldar, so he condones interspecies romance.
* The Emperor's left eye was accidentally poked out by Rogal Dorn's iron halo while attaching him to the Golden Throne (prompting the replacement before the rest of his body decayed). The Emperor intends to somehow resurrect him to punish him for it (though now that's no longer a necessity). Actually, in older depictions of the Emperor's duel with Horus, it is one of the wounds inflicting upon him (he also broke many bones, burned the Emperor's fabulous hairs, poisoned him and a lot of stuff...).
* Some of the Emperor's previous personas included Moses and [[Chris-Chan]]. Yes, really.
* The Emperor's shattered psyche includes knowledge of the 4th wall. This is not always available.
* The Emperor created the formula indicating when there is (almost) enough [[dakka]]. Only he himself and Kitten know it.
* The Emperor approves of the Tau in theory, although in practice only those willing to engage in melee. So basically just the [[Farsight|Farsight Enclaves]].
* In fact, the Emperor actually approves of any Xenos that isn't a threat to mankind. Absolute eradication is unnecessary if regulation suffices.
* Despite his intentions for the Imperial Truth involving suffocating the Chaos Gods, the Emperor's attempts at atheism were in fact making [[Necoho|an actual god of disbelief]]...according to Magnus.
* The Emperor can shape the [[Astronomicon]] so that he can flip the bird to the rest of the galaxy.
* Has a known hobby: Plays a children's card game (Yu Gi Oh) with a clearly cheesy, overpowered and unfair deck...that, like most [[cheese]], was destroyed as soon as it came across a hard counter. [[Horus Heresy|Apparently Emprah still hasn't learnt the lesson about why using OP stuff is a very bad idea.]]
* The Emperor has called for a second Council of Nikea. This one has nothing to do with Magnus; ironically, it's centered on the <s>Space Wolves</s> Space ''Corgis'', and the fact that the [[wikipedia:Woodland Critter Christmas|friendly woodland critters]] of Fenris that the Wolves commune with are actually daemons. We've yet to see Magnus' and Leman Russ' reaction to the news, but it's guaranteed to be hilarious.
* He has also ordered [[Logan Grimnar]] to deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls in the Imperium on Sanguinala.
* While he has a number of colorful insults for his subordinates, including the primarchs, he also has pet names for his sons, such as "my little Magnymagic" or "RogalyDonDon."
* The First Founding was originally named the [[Only Founding]], this was renamed after [[Codex Astartes|Guilliman's fuck up]].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuE2waTrXKk The Emperor disapproves of the saying "Life is the Emperor's currency"].
* The Emperor's flaming sword sounds like a squeaky toy hammer (at least when he bashed Tzeentch's faces in).

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Text To Heresy.png| If [[/d/]] still existed in 40k you can bet the Emperor would purge it.
Image:NOT CANON.png| Kitten with his TOTALLY NOT CANON girlfriend [[Shadowsun]]
Image:NotCanonShout.gif| What happens whenever someone mentions Shadowsun around Kitten
Image:EmperorSureal.gif| Emp's reaction to most things that have happened to the Imperium
Image:EmperorDisgraceful.gif| Likewise
Image:EmperorPunchesTzeentch.gif| The Emperor taking out his frustration on a certain [[Tzeentch|indecisive mollusk]]
Image:MagnusRant.gif| Magnus is not a fan of the Imperium's general intelligence levels
Image:DeciusHatBoner.gif| What passes for "Religious Ecstasy" in the Ecclisiarchy
Image:UltraFucknCrying.gif| Calgar's dissapointment over the flanderization of the Ultramarines is palpable
Image:PillarstodesEntrance.gif| [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM| *Cue Awaken.mp3*]
Image:AhrimanEXCUSEME.gif| Ahriman is a very grumpy boss
Image:SlaaneshPatrol.gif| If you hear EDM outside, don't answer the door. EVER.
Image:HighLordsIllegal.gif| The High Lords in a nutshell
Image:SuddenlyDaemons.gif| Magnus' original fuckup barely phased him at the time
Image:EmperorSpanking.jpg| The Emperor is the ideal father figure
Image:UltraSmurfingNecrons.gif| Calgar engaging in a little Ultraviolence
Image:RussWolfWarfare.jpg| Leman Russ' version of the infamous Navy Seal Copypasta
</gallery>

==External Links==

* [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA The entire series.]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice TV Tropes's page, for extra references.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqbQ_oKmflM A remix cover of the ending theme by StringStorm, check his other remixes too.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Not content with his first remix, StringStorm made a second one.]

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Gods]]

Adeptus Custodes

2016-10-29T17:50:08Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Getting a codex */

[[File:Adeptus Custode.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Paladins of the 31st millennium. The 41st ones are marginally less clad in gold and a lot more naked.]]

The Adeptus Custodes are the guardians of the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor of Mankind]] and the most badass group of genetically engineered/enhanced warriors/motherfuckers the galaxy has ever known (with the exception for Assassins and the Primarchs). So badass in-fact that they can get away with dressing like drag queens and transvestites (they love skirts). Well, the skirts are actually a bit closer to the ancient Roman Legionaries, which is pretty awesome in itself, and on the whole they come off as elite and badass.

==Origins & Design==
[[File:Pillarstodes.jpg|400px|left|thumb|[https://youtu.be/R9w_uoUHgiE?t=1m40s ''"After the confinement of the Emperor within the Golden Throne, the Custodes abandoned, among other things, the use of their armour, and their traditional colour of red was changed to black."'']- Horus Heresy: Collected Visions. Hence, the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDEbsZpweDo Pillarstodes] meme isn't actually too far from the truth.]]

The Custodes are warriors unmatched in the galaxy, genetically-engineered by the Emperor himself. The Emperor first created these elite warriors back in the old days of his conquest of Terra, making them souped-up and more long-lived versions of the already hilariously OP [[Thunder Warriors]]. While the Thunder Warriors were eventually replaced by the far more stable but slightly less powerful Space Marines, the Custodes apparently still use those ancient methods (but geared towards producing far more stable warriors) and as such lack a gene-seed.

Although the Custodes were among the first genetically-modified warriors to be created by the Emperor, they were never intended to be part of a conquering army (though The Wolf of Ash and Fire shows that the Emperor sometimes rolled with a hundreds-strong posse of Custodes in battle); such a role was to be filled by the latter [[Adeptus Astartes]] armies. This is revealed both in their mindset and training: While Custodians share a genetic kinship with one another within the formation, they do not foster the same spirit of brotherhood that is instilled within the Astartes in order to function together as a unit. Indeed, each Custodian prepares and inspects his equipment individually, rather than on military parade. The individuality of each Custodes is further promoted by the fact that the processes required to produce them is not as refined or as simple as that of the Astartes and thus they are not "mass-produced" as the Astartes are; meaning that each Custodian is a unique investment for the [[Imperium]]. It was implied in False Gods that the creation of a Custode was a long and arduous process, utterly different from the creation process of a regular Astartes and much costlier, thus their relatively small numbers.

One ritual that the Custodes do share is the recognition of mighty deeds, manifested in the awarding of names, which are added to the Custodian's title to represent the actions he has performed in service to the [[Emperor]]. ('''Constantin Valdor''' obtained 1932 names prior to the assault of Horus upon Terra.) Such names were inscribed onto the inside of the warrior's battle armour as marks of individual pride.

The training of the Custodes also differed immensely from the Adeptus Astartes, since they were intended to be bodyguards rather than soldiers. It is clear from their '''Blood Games''' that Custodians are trained in the arts of assassination -- both improvised and professional -- in order to counter possible assassination attempts on the Emperor. It is common for several Custodians to be on detached duty for these Blood Games so that the organisation remains vigilant against developing threats. Even pre-Heresy, they were clued up enough to recognise Warp-sorcery for what it was.

Furthermore it is clear that the Custodes are also well-versed in the political etiquette of Terra, and have been known to act outside of Imperial law, to infiltrate influential Noble Houses and to investigate any potential threats. (A role that a Space Marine would ''never'' be expected to fulfill.) This aspect of the Custodian mindset is advantageous, given that the Captain-General of the order often shares a seat with the [[High Lords of Terra]] and thus allows him to navigate the political maneuverings of the Imperium's various agencies, while still remaining an awe-inspiring warrior.

==Capabilities==
The martial capabilities of the Adeptus Custodes remain largely unknown. What is known is that they possess skill beyond even a 'normal' member of the [[Adeptus Astartes]]. It has been said that the Adeptus Custodes are to a Space Marine what a Space Marine is to a member of the Imperial Guard. They are similar to the ''[[Grey Knights]]'', the militant arm of the [[Ordo Malleus]] branch of the [[Inquisition]], in that both are elite, secret organisations with close ties to the [[Emperor]]. Custodes are unique as they have neither a known [[Primarch]] nor do they use gene-seed to produce their genetic modifications. They stand a full head taller than a Space Marine and it is said that they were almost the same size as a Primarch. In fact it was said that '''Constantine Valdor''', Chief Custodian to the Emperor during the Horus Heresy, was the same size as the traitor Primarch [[Alpharius]] of the [[Alpha Legion]] (not a great achievement after all, considering Alpharius was the shortest of Primarchs - the size of a tall space marine)

Dan Abnett's ''Blood Games'', however, provides a different version of the relationship between the Astartes and Custodes. Abnett claims that, although Custodians are slightly larger on average than Space Marines, to an observer it would be a tough bet on who would win in a fight based on strength and size alone.

James Swallow's ''Sword of Truth'' sees [[Brother-Captain|Captain]] [[Nathaniel Garro]] fight a one-on-one duel with a mid-level Custodian ''(if there is such a term)'', which he finds is one of the toughest battles of his life and only wins by playing to his opponent's overconfidence and manages to exhaust himself in the process.

Aaron Dembski-Bowden's ''The First Heretic'' further expands on the Custodes fighting style and armoury. Each weapon used by the Custodes is gene-coded to only be used by only that Custodian (Argel Tal stole some and used his demonic powers to unlock them and then kill loyalists. Even funnier when you remember that certain [[Blood Ravens|bloody magpies]] have working Custodian bolter in their armory and some [[Minotaurs|Greeks]] have a Halbard). The weapons are given to them personally by the Emperor (or at least they were in the 31st millennium, they've probably dropped this rule by the 41st) and as such one of the highest [[Heresy|heresies]] possible is to allow a non-Custodian to handle the weapon. Perhaps the most notable thing about the Adeptus Custodes is the radically different combat approach between them and the Adeptus Astartes: Custodes are not brothers. While Space Marines are trained to support their battle-brothers in combat, each Custodian fights by himself, never intending to receive support from their fellow Custodes. The [[Word Bearers]] who observed this were utterly dumbfounded by this approach, thinking the fighting was just "wrong", despite their fighting being individually perfect. They are "tigers" compared to the "wolves" the space marines represent. Ironically though, one becomes good friends with a Word Bearer to the point that they end up fighting in lockstep like true Astartes (even more ironically, that Word Bearer is possessed by a daemon). Also, he has a Custodian named Vendatha kill 3 WB chapter masters in a second, and then survive a full bolter magazine and sword to the face. And on top he has 3 Custodes kill 7 out of 11 the original possessed marines the Gal Vorbak, including a beautiful final kill. Winning.

But in Graham McNeill's ''The Outcast Dead'', an armed and armoured Custodes fights an unarmed and unarmoured World Eater and [[What|loses]] when the World Eater breaks open his armour and [[Rip and tear|rips out the Custodes spine through his chest]], something he threatened to do earlier. So fuck knows how good Custodes are, since Black Library's writers can't get their collective shits together and decide. That or Khorne just felt like trolling the Emperor that day. To be fair, said Custodian was crippled so his physical capabilities were just under what was required for active duty guarding the Emperor, hence the reason he was stuck on guard duty.

''The Outcast Dead'' also provides an example of a Custodian taking on two Astartes at the same time. While Saturnalia dies, he does succeed in killing both of his opponents.

In Anthony Reynolds ''The Purge'', Word Bearer Captain, Sor Talgron makes his personal assessment on Custodians, where while he figures that a single Custodian would likely have little problems dispatching a single Legionary, the larger the theatre of war became, the more the odds would tip in the Astartes favour. Because although Custodians might be peerless warriors, they are not soldiers.

In Guy Haley's ''Throneworld'', a Shadow Seer and a Death Jester kill a dozen Custodes between the two of them, before being brought down by "hundreds" more. Note that, although ''Throneworld'' is set 1500 years after the Horus Heresy, it's clear that the Custodes were still equipped with golden armour, so inadequate equipment is not an excuse for their poor showing.

The thing is that Custodes are not mass produced and are without a Gene-Seed, which aught to provide some level of genetic normality amongst those from the same Chapter. This would lead to a large discrepancy in their individual levels of strength; most of them are superior than the Astartes, but some are weaker.
Thus, where the average Astartes would be a take-all-comers warrior, some Custodes will specialize in infiltration, some will specialize in war, some go more into politics. With enough Custodians, this means that they eventually cover nearly any possible route to attack the Emperor. This would ensure that any opponent attempting to penetrate the Custodes' defenses (being ''bodyguards'' of the Emperor and all) would run into fighting the Custodes who specialize in countering their plan, whatever it may be. But because of the lack of exclusive focus on military matters compared to what Astartes get, if two large forces of equal size came together, it is likely that the Custodians would be cut to pieces due to the Astartes superior coordination and battlefield control.

==Role==
[[File:Shirtless custode.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Chest armor is for pussies anyway...]]
They have the final word on security in the Imperial Palace, and even the High Lords of Terra are subservient to them within its walls.

Although their full numbers remain unknown, three hundred Custodes guard the Emperor's chambers at all times. Also, back before the God-Emperor was interred into the Golden Throne, the Adeptus Custodes was known as the ''Legio Custodes'' (Custodes Legion), and numbered in Ten thousand golden warriors. It is strongly believed that this is their same number today.

Only three hundred of the Adeptus Custodes serve as the actual personal guard of the Emperor, called the Companions. These are those Custodes that are privileged enough to be in the Emperor's physical presence. Each unit of Companions is led by a Centurion. It was one such Centurion that led a small group of Companions to meet Alicia Dominica, head of the Brides of the Emperor (later Sisters of Battle) during Vandire's Reign of Blood. One such Custodian, Constantine Valdor, was the Chief Custodian during the Horus Heresy. He was the most honoured of all the Emperor of Mankind's creations. No other being had served the Emperor for as long as he, save [[Malcador the Sigillite]]. Valdor was a proud and respectful warrior unmatched in his devotion and loyalty to the Emperor. Valdor was ever-present at the Emperor's side, always protecting him from unseen enemies and saving the Emperor's life innumerable times. Along with Malcador, Valdor was his most trusted friend and advisor.

Constantine Valdor was one of the first members of the Council of [[Earth|Terra]]. He also had a close relationship with the Primarchs Rogal Dorn and Leman Russ, although initially Russ and Valdor didn't see eye to eye. Dorn was ever-present at the Imperial Palace during the great Crusade and so Valdor and the Primarch spent much time together. On the other hand, Valdor only earned Russ's respect when the former defeated Horus in a sparring match. The two were then together during the Battle of Prospero. There is no mention of when or how Valdor was killed if he was killed at all. He stepped down from command as a High Lord so that he could protect his beloved Emperor, now ensconced within the Golden Throne.

===Effectiveness===
Occasionally you see questions raised on forums regarding their effectiveness after apparently spending 10,000 years on guard duty, suggesting that despite their biological augmentations; without any actual combat experience they might have simply become a symbolic organisation since Terra is so well defended by other means.

In fact the Custodians sat through most of the [[Age of Apostasy]], not participating until the last moment to bring order when the fighting made it to the Imperial Palace. They also were mysteriously absent during [[The Beheading]] when the [[Officio Assassinorum]] started leveling city blocks. Added to the fact that the ''admittedly'' very old pictures of Custodians show them not even bothering to wear their armour any more indicates that they don't actually have very much to do these days.

However, one very important fact remains: The Golden Throne is a portal to the [[Webway]] which was [[Magnus|broken]], and it takes the [[Emperor]] every ounce of his concentration to stop that energy spilling out into a new [[Eye of Terror]]. Underneath the Imperial Palace [[Malcador the Sigillite]] showed one of the human founders of the [[Inquisition]] a series of adamantium doors the size of Imperator Titans, and even when standing at the first door it sounds like the greatest battle of all time was going on behind them. So while the [[Grey Knights]] are cruising through the galaxy responding to daemonic threats, the Custodians are holding the line at home, fighting perhaps the most significant ''(and secret)'' battle in the history of mankind, making them perhaps the most badass of any fighting forces EVER.

However-however, the recent HH books have clarified a bit more about this. There ''was'' a war between the Custodes and daemons that was fought in the webway after it was damaged by Magnus' warning attempt, but presently, its sealed now. The Custodes and Sisters of Silence fought together in order to beat back the tide of traitors and daemons trying to force themselves through the damaged gate, while the AdMech was given the task of repairing the gate. This was also the time the Emperor had to confine himself into the Golden Throne to help mend with the repairs and he managed to finalize this by creating a massive golden sun in the middle of the webway entrance to fry daemons trying to get through, although maintaining it was an incredibly taxing job that only he is able to reliably do (Malcador was temporarily assigned to this job when the Emperor got up to give Horus a proper stomping and he withered away into dust from the ordeal).

However-however-however, the Custodes' know their stake in the Imperium's and The Emperor's future: should anyone or anything manage to breach the Emperor's chamber; humanity is doomed in all senses of the word, and they have to be in the right condition and in the right place at the right time. Its not unreasonable to assume that the Custodes didn't budge while the Imperium was burning around them (twice) because that could very well be an opening an assassin was expecting as it is not unreasonable to assume Custodes are likely keeping themselves at peak performance to be ready at a moment's notice because only the ballsiest of assassins would even think of trying to infiltrate Holy Terra itself, they have to be ready to take on anything the galaxy can throw at them.

If you're thinking "isn't that what the Palace Guard is for?", well about that: during [[The War of The Beast]] and the Imperium was freaking out over an unstoppable Ork WAAAAGH, an elite squad of 7 Eldar Harlequins managed to infiltrate The Imperial Palace and muscle their way through palace security in an effort to warn The Emperor about something (or so they claim). They were only stopped at the Eternity Gate after an army of angry Custodes confronted and proceeded to cut them down.

So while it might be unreasonable for the Custodes not to assist the Imperium during its most dire times of need: their own duties are something they cannot slack on for even a moment.

==Notable Custodians==
[[File:1264391028586.jpg|500px|thumb|right|And people bitch about Space Marines and Grey Knights having overdone armor....]]
*'''Amon Tauromachian'''- One of the most notable Custodes. In combat, unarmoured, versus three " Migou" ([[H.P. Lovecraft|I see what you did there]]) or Genestock Ogres from Nei Monggol (Ogryns anybody?) Amon is impressive, he is apparently strong enough to effortlessly break an Ogryn's arm, relieving it of its punch-dagger, then ram it through the poor sods skull. One of them grabs him from behind in a bear hug, which he literally shrugs off, then punches his hand through the Ogryn's chest and rips out its heart. Mary Sue you say? All this is from Dan Abnett himself from his short story ''Blood Games''. Also, he is probably refered to in ''The First Heretic'' as an instructor of at least 2 other Custodes, even though the "last" (well, gene-stock/family) name of said Amon is not revealed.
*'''Constantin Valdor'''- The big cheese of the Custodian Guard, he is a mary sue of epic proportions (Almost like [[Kaldor Draigo]]). A monster of a man, he was described as being a head taller than Amon (who was already significantly larger than an Astartes) and the size of a Primarch (Alpharius to be exact). At one point he defeated Horus himself in a sparring match, however, it is never stated how old Horus was when the duel took place. Valdor was one of the Emperors closest friends and his second most trusted advisor (Malcador the Sigillite being #1). He was described as being the mightiest warrior in the entire Imperium with the exception of the Primarchs and Big E himself (he was almost killed by Phosis T'Kar on Prospero however, only surviving because Phosis [[Chaos Spawn|accidentally rolled snake eyes on Chaos Boon]]). Naturally he shared a close relationship with a number of the Primarchs, the most notable being Horus, Rogal Dorn, and Leman Russ. Also, he rolls with the [[Officio Assassinorum]], so he earns massive bonus points there. At the end of the Heresy, he was one of the high lords of Terra, but stepped down sometime after that to be able to look after the Emperor personally. He has since been replaced as Captain-General: in M32 the Custodians are commanded by a new guy called '''Beyreuth'''.

*'''Aquillon'''- the "Oculi Imperator" who was charged with leading four other Custodes, watching over Lorgar and the Word Bearers after the Monarchia kerfuffle. They were kept in the dark about the Heresy until Isstvan V, but left alive because Erebus wanted their blood. Aquillon embarked on a tragic bromance with Argel Tal. It ended badly - Aquillon killed Argel Tal's mortal waifu Cyrene, and the possessed Astartes [[Rip and Tear|bit his head off]].

===Non-canon===
*'''[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device#Team_Emperor|Little Kitten]]'''- known on /tg/ as the Captain-General of the group during "[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]]". May or may not be Constantine Valdor, it's kept deliberately contradictory, what's known is that he was the Custodian who brought Alicia Dominica to the Emperor during the [[Age of Apostasy|Reign of Blood]]. Known for basically telling Big E what is everything. Called "Kitten" for purring up the ranks of the Custodes. Despite the vaguely British accent, he is highly American as he hates [[Tau|Communist fuckers]] with a passion. <s>(It's actually because [[Shadowsun|one]] was tsundere enough that she dropped him before he could tap that ass.)</s> SHIT'S NOT CANON! What is canon though is that he is a black guy (that is, normal human black guy, not [[Salamander]]-Class black). Also manage to beat up a million ton's worth of [[cheese]] in [[Yu-Gi-Oh|a children's card game]].

*'''"[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device#Imperials_(So_sorta_good_guys)|Fab-Custodes]]"'''- aka the Pillar-stodes, See 2nd picture for an idea of what they look like. Their whole image is based on the old post-heresy depiction of the Custodes from [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|First Edition]]. They are NUTS, even more so than [[Rage|the dipshit who wrote twilight]]. They are oily, snickering, gay as [[Slaanesh]]'s hell and love it. Seriously, even Kitten knows this and is worried for the Emperor's safety around them, saying that none of this was his idea.

==Getting a codex==
[[File:1474071012706.jpg|300px|right|thumb|We have leaked information of the Custodes from [[White Dwarf]]! Woot Woot! Damn do those models not disappoint! The hype train has no breaks!]]
<s>In Warhammer 40k no, in Warhammer 30k hell yes.</s> Actually it's the other way around: 40k will have custodes available BEFORE 30k. Damn it forge world!

Forge World confirmed that Adeptus Custodes, will indeed, get not only rules, but models. The rules will likely be in Burning of Prospero book, which was (originally) the 3rd book in the third HH trilogy. They will be released alongside Sisters of Silence rules (also getting models, let us hope they have nipple spikes like the old Blanche art!)

Rules can be found on this PDF: https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Datasheets/Burning%20of%20Prospero%20Imperial%20Datasheets.pdf

As this is going to be a whole army/faction on the tabletop, with likely two different incarnations in the rules to represent them in different time periods. For more details on specific units as they arrive, got to their pages - such as [[Custodian Guard]] or the [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Talons of the Emperor (30k)|tactics page]] for more general commentary.

==See Also==
*[[Grey Knights]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Custodies-pic-1.jpg|A Custodes. Pimped out beyond recognition? Maybe. Awesome? Hell yes!
Image:Custodes_01.jpg|Custodes Squad.
Image:Custodes-size-comparison.jpg|Size comparison between a Custodes and a Spess Mehreen.
</gallery>

{{Template:Custodes}}
{{Template:Imperium}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]]

Meme

2016-10-29T17:39:45Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Meme Magic */

A meme is an idea that spreads itself, supposedly in the same way that a gene does in biology. A biological example is the Japanese Macaque. One day a monkey saw a human take a bath in a hot spring, thought it was a good idea and when it was cold one day went into a spring itself. Other monkeys saw the first monkey and realised that, hey, that monkey's got a good thing going and also entered the hot spring. Over time the idea, or "meme" of the hot spring entered the general monkey population and today most Macaques take hot spring baths.

In the context of [[/tg/]] and [[4chan]] in general a meme is a running joke, a pattern of text or images that is posted repeatedly, either for its own humor value or as a punchline to certain types of posts. Correctly using memes for humor is an artform, and one that /tg/ takes endless joy in, as it does all [[Hot Chicks|scientific pursuits]].

New memes are created all the time, while old ones go out of fashion. Some may be flash in the pan, and yet others are timeless, truly lasting as a testament to their utility and humor; but a selection of /tg/ memes includes:
* Two wound lootas. Because we cannot let it live down. Miniwargamer Quirk spent a few days/games saying his lootas had two wounds. Now people always say that Quirk will use two wound (insert one wound model) at least thrice per video.
*'''[[Matt Ward|SPIRITUAL LIEGE]]''' - A meme making fun of the shitty [[Fluff]] of the fifth edition of ''[[Space Marines|Codex: Space Marines]]'' for [[Warhammer 40,000]], which may as well have been called ''[[Ultramarines|Codex: Ultramarines]]'' due to [[Matt Ward]]'s infamous fanboy-jizzing all over his favored chapter in the Space Marines codex. In said codex, he referred to [[Marneus Calgar]] as the Space Marines' '''Spiritual Liege''', and the ideal example of what all Space Marines aspire to be, [[What|above even their own Primarchs and Chapter-Masters]]. Suffice to say, this line induced more facepalms than Maradonia Saga from the player-base.
*'''[[Just as planned]]''' - Used to indicate some clever feat of manipulation or forward-planning, often by [[Tzeentch]] or his minions; alternatively, used to indicate Tzeentchian involvement in a humorous manner. Originally an /a/ meme based off of an early 2000s [[anime]] called Death Note.
*'''[[Love Can Bloom]]''' - Refers to a specific tale of a Vindicare Assassin falling in love with [[Taldeer|Farseer Taldeer]], his intended victim. Used more generally to indicate sweet and gentle happenings within the [[Grimdark|GRIM DARKNESS]] of the [[41st millennium]].
*'''[[Bear Lore]]''' - A reference to the incredibly stingy Bear Lore chart in the [[4e]] Monster Manual, which implies that a high degree of Nature skill is required to even know that [[bear|bears]] have claws and teeth.
*'''[[CLANG!]]''' - A meme centered around a [[Truly Immovable Rod|Universal Stillpoint Rod]], which, once activated, remains in that spot in the universe forever. These rods lurk like space-detritus, waiting for an unfortunate moment for someone to be standing where they are when sud-[[CLANG!]] WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! / The sound it makes when you have vaginal sex with a robot
*'''[[Oinkbane|MY TACTICS ARE TOO SUBTLE FOR YOU!!!]]''' - Starting from a simple thread in /tg/, Oinkbane the wereboar assassin became great in the minds of many. Though he may seem like the most ineffective assassin, his tactics are TOO SUBTLE! He has a habit of appearing where people do not expect, and has no problem defying the laws of physics to do so. Reality does not seem to apply to him, and he has murdered many a foe. SNEAK ATTAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!
*'''[[Creed|CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!]]''' - A beloved 40K meme in which Usarker Creed from Warhammer 40K uses his tactical genius ability to scout units that by all accounts, could not be scouted, into position. The more hilarious the scouting, the better. May or may not involve [[Baneblade]]s or [[Titan]]s.
*'''[[Alignment#Gallery|Alignments]]''' - A Motivational Poster describing one of the nine classic D&D alignments, with a photo and quote of someone that embodies that ethic.
*'''[[What I Made| What I Made / What the DM Saw / What I Played]]''' - three-piece clipart describing how the player subverted expectations.
*'''[[Anal Circumference]]''' - An unfortunate meme that stems from the equally-unfortunate [[FATAL]] RPG system, widely mocked as one of the most depraved and idiotic things transcribed to text. The general gist is that there is an entire subsystem in place for how much someone's ass in FATAL can stretch, and like most things in FATAL, this subsystem [[FAIL|fails]] utterly.
*'''[[Indrick Boreale|SPESS MEHREENS]]''' - A [[Awesome|legendary]] meme that stemmed from [[Dawn of War|Dawn of War: Soulstorm]]. One of three (the others being [[METAL BOXES]] and [[Cornholio the Cultist]]. A meme making fun of Indrick Boreale's outrageous accent and hilariously messed-up verbiage, which is so bad that it makes one wonder what the hell Relic was smoking when its writers shat out the dialogue involved.
*'''[[Classic Blunder]]''' - When someone starts a thread with an image more interesting than the text and /tg/ discusses the image instead, completely ignoring the text. Named after a line from "The Princess Bride".
*'''[[Dohohoho]]''' - When someone makes a topical joke using a Statler and Waldorf routine to jeer at someone or something in a (attempted) witty manner. A higher class of meme for distinguished gentlemen.
*'''[[Cybering|I put on my robe and wizard hat]]''' - Used randomly when talking about magic (or sometimes psy powers), this amusing meme originated from a quite interesting cybering session.
* '''[[Fish of Fury]]''' - A 40K game mechanic-turned meme that caused the [[Tau]] to be unapologetic rage-generators at their launch and has since fallen by the wayside, but which /tg/ periodically attempts to reference to make funny [[/tg/ gets shit done|with mixed results]].
* '''[[DISTRACTION CARNIFEX]]''' - Another game mechanic from 40K in meme form, stemming from a popular tactic for Tyranids in multiple editions wherein a player kitted out a relatively cheap Carnifex for use as a distraction. Officially died due to [[Robin Cruddace]]. The tactic was immediately adapted by other players using other factions, with mixed results. May or may not be a variation of the [[Old Ones|older than the internet]] DISTRACTION PENIS meme.
* '''[[Chaos Spawn|That Which Must Not Be Named]]''' - A meme in which someone who calls a certain chaos unit by its actual name will be turned into a Chaos Spawn--'''OHGODABRBRBRBRLA'''
* '''[[Squats]]''' - /tg/'s version of the Candlejack meme. If you mention Squats, [[Games Workshop]] sends its death squads after you. One wonders why this meme even exists, since hardly anyone even knows about Squats anymore. Became almost entirely irrelevant when 6th edition brought them back into the canon.
* '''[[Elf slave, wat do?]]'''
* '''[[Celestial Lions|Ork Snipers]]''' - A meme stemming from the Celestial Lion's command structure being sniped off during a battle with Orks, under covert orders from the Inquisition. As snipers are rarely employed by Orks (more like: orks NEVER hit their intended target), the meme "Ork Snipers" has been used as a way to explain suspicious and/or mysterious deaths that occur in the WH40K universe.

Many memes take the form of recurring characters. See [[List of /tg/ Characters]].

A forced meme is when a single person repeatedly posts something, in an attempt to make it a meme. It usually [[FAIL|fails]].

==Memes Through Cross-Contamination==
Memes by definition spread. What may start as some obscure bit of silliness on [[/b/]] or [[/co/]] could very well wind its way through /d/ and /tg/ before it's through. Many of these are simply ignored as shit, but a few become beloved by their respective boards:

* '''[[Brundlepenis]]''' - a meme that migrated from [[/d/]] and arrived on [[/tg/]] after someone posted pictures of what appeared to be half-men-half-dicks, and several fa/tg/uys made clear their intent to use them as inspiration for [[Slaanesh]]i [[Chaos Spawn|that which must not be named]]. Things went downhill from there and any posting of Brundlepenis on /tg/ will cause equal parts hate and laughter.
* '''[[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position]]''' - Another meme that migrated from /d/, and is ostensibly the more humorous of the two. It generally involves someone requesting image of Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position, and then being called a sick fuck by the other anons/tripfags/namefags in the thread, as such is too intense for the guys posting [[Daemonette|Futa]] [[Merfolk|Mermaid]] [[PROMOTIONS|porn]]. Hilarity through irony thus occurs.
* '''Bane?''' - a meme beloved by /tv/, and often spread throughout the rest of 4chan. It mocks the opening scene of 'The Dark Knight Rises' and the action between a CIA Agent and Bane. /tg/ seems unconcerned with Baneposting, and tolerate it more than most other boards.
<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="100%">
* '''[[Rebecca Black]]''' - What started as an aborted attempt by /b/ to incite /tg/ to join it in hating something quickly turned sour when /tg/ discovered that Rebecca Black's autotuned voice sounded distressingly like someone [[Indrick Boreale|with an infamous voice]] in [[Dawn of War|Dawn of War: Soulstorm]].
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">
{{Bad}}
{{Fail}}
{{heresy}}

[[Image:RebeccaBlack.jpg|right|thumb|Just ''looking'' at her has been known to induce [[Cultist-chan|fury]].]]

Another of several [[meme]]s that wound up on [[/tg/]] through cross-contamination of [[/b/]] and [[/v/]], Rebecca Black is a [[Noise Marines|fucking horrible singer]] who did a song called ''Friday'', which can only be described as being akin to subjecting your eardrums to a [[Exterminatus|protracted virus bombing]], but without the sweet release of death at the end. It is so bad, in fact, that it has managed to drive numerous fa/tg/uys into [[Khorne|homicidal frenzies]]. Furthermore 80% of the song was [[Fail|autotuned]]...who would have guessed.

This is unusual, for several reasons.

/tg/, historically, knows better than to get involved with hate on music groups/artists that suck - and not simply on matters of principle. When /b/ began a hate-campaign against [[Justin Bieber]], for example, /tg/ just rolled its eyes and went about its usual business of [[/tg/ gets shit done|getting shit done]], since the userbase of /tg/, being slightly less retarded than most, knows that in a few short years, he won't even exist in the back of our memories anymore, self-destructing or simply getting too old to be viable, much as was the case for ''every other fucking useless boy band that came out in the 1990s and early 2000s''. Suffice to say, when /b/tards brought news of this particular singer to /tg/, it brought out a rare level of [[Rage|rage]] [[Matt Ward|that only one man thus far has been able to coax out]].

None can quite say why the song (and its singer) is so bad; in fact, the entire work as a whole is a rich trapestry of suckage, kind of like a stack of codices by [[Matt Ward]]. Some parts of the work stand out as particularly stupid; the fact that the entire song is done with the aid of a harmonizer and was done by a bunch of rich white people who think this is [[Awesome|akin to Doomrider making a comeback in scope]] likely does volumes for the hate, as does the obvious 13-year-old driving in the video and the song itself being complete and total feces.

True to form, however, /tg/ has done its time-honored practice of getting shit done and making win out of fail, when one specific fa/tg/uy noticed something that had previously gone unnoticed by most of the other users of /tg/. When it had been brought to the attentions of those involved, much laughter and humor came about.

===Daughter of Boreale===

[[Image:Baldeale.jpg|thumb|right|WEHLL DAHN, MAH DAUGHTAR!]]

The /tg/ meme of Rebecca Black is somewhat different than the simple ones stemming from other boards; /tg/ argues that Rebecca Black is, in fact, the illegitimate daughter of [[Indrick Boreale]]. The similarities in their verbiage is just too hilariously similar to be coincidence. Comparing Boreale's [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHREENS]] and [[Emperor|EMPRAH]] to the lyrics of ''Friday'' certainly strongly suggests it:

SEVEHN A.M. WAHKEN UP IN TEH MAHRNING

GOTTA BE FRESH GOTTA GO DOWNSTEHRS

GOTTA HEV MY BEHWL, GOTTA HEV CEREAHL

SEEING EVEHRYTHAN, THE TAHM IS GOHN

TICKAHN OHN AND OHN, EVEHRYBAHDY'S [[Communism|RUSSIAN]]

GOTTA GEHT DAHWN TO TEH BUHS STAHP

GOTTA CATCH MAH BUHS, I SEE MAH FREINDS

[[Doomrider|KICKAHN IN TEH FRAUHNT SEAT]]

[[FATAL|KICKAHN IN TEH BAHCK SEAT]]

GOTTA MAKE UHP MAH MIND

WHICH SEAT CAHN I TAKE?!

IT'S FRIDEH, FRIDEH

GOTTA GET DAHWN ON FRIDEH

EVERYBAWHDY'S LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND, WEEKHEHND

FRIDEH, FRIDEH

GETTIN' DAWHN ON FRIDEH

EVERYBAWHDY'S LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND

PAHRTAYAHN PAHRTAYAHN (YAH)

PAHRTAYAHN PAHRTAYAHN (YAH)

[[Dwarf Fortress|FAHN]],FAHN,FAHN,FAHN

LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND (FOR THE EMPRAH)

7:45, WE'RE DRIVIN' ON TEH HAHWAY

CRUHSEN SO FHAST, I WANT TIME TO FLAYH

FAHN, FAHN THINK 'BOUT FAHN

YOU KNOW WUT IT IS

I GOT DIS, YOU GOT DIS

MAH FREHND IS BAH MY RIGHT, EHHHHHH

I GOT DIS, YOU GOT DIS

NOW YOU KNOWWIT

[[Doomrider|KICKAHN IN TEH FRAUHNT SEAT]]

[[FATAL|KICKAHN IN TEH BAHCK SEAT]]

GOTTA MAKE MAH MIND UHP

WHICH SEAT CAHN I TEEEAAAAAAAAAKKKKE?!

IT'S FRIDEH, FRIDEH

GOTTA GET DAHWN ON FRIDEH

EVERYBAWHDY'S LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND, WEEKHEHND

FRIDEH, FRIDEH

GETTIN' DAWHN ON FRIDEH

EVERYBAWHDY'S LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND

PAHRTAYAHN PAHRTAYAHN (YAH)

PAHRTAYAHN PAHRTAYAHN (YAH)

[[Dwarf Fortress|FAHN]],FAHN,FAHN,FAHN

LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND

YESHTERDEH WAS [[Thursday|THURDSDAY]]

TOHDEH IT IS FRIDEH, FRIDEH

WEH, WEH, WEH, SOH EXSHAITED

WE SO EXSHAITED

WEH GHONNA HAVE A BALL TODEH

TOMMOROH IS [[Saturday|SATURDAY]]

AND [[Sunday|SUNDEH]] COMES AFTAHWERDS.

I DOH WANT THIS WEEKEHND TO EEEEEHHHNND!

*Some of the verses are sung by a fairly incompetent rapper, but we don't care about that so resume the fail:*

IT'S FRIDEH, FRIDEH

GOTTA GET DAHWN ON FRIDEH

EVERYBAWHDY'S LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND, WEEKHEHND

FRIDEH, FRIDEH

GETTIN' DAWHN ON FRIDEH

EVERYBAWHDY'S LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND

PAHRTAYAHN PAHRTAYAHN (YAH)

PAHRTAYAHN PAHRTAYAHN (YAH)

[[Dwarf Fortress|FAHN]],FAHN,FAHN,FAHN (YEEEEEAAAAAAAH)

LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND

IT'S FRIDEH, FRIDEH

GOTTA GET DAHWN ON FRIDEH

EVERYBAWHDY'S LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND, WEEKHEHND

FRIDEH, FRIDEH

GETTIN' DAWHN ON FRIDEH

EVERYBAWHDY'S LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND

PAHRTAYAHN PAHRTAYAHN (YAH)

PAHRTAYAHN PAHRTAYAHN (YAH)

[[Dwarf Fortress|FAHN]],FAHN,FAHN,FAHN (YEEEEEAAAAAAAH)

LOOKAHN FORWAHRD TO TEH WEEKEHND

[[Indrick Boreale|FOR THE EMPRAH]]

===Noise Marine?===
Another theory is that she is actually a noise marine, making her an androgynous boy, but that's just how Slaanesh rolls. I mean, listening to her ear abortion would be enough to kill a man, so why not weaponize it?

Proof is here! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNCrCJ5FZu0&feature=related

However it would seem Rebecca is in fact a Tzeentch champion, namely his "hope" aspect as she remains positive and hopeful that she'll have that singing career, rather than despair from all the negative flank she's gotten (ie Nurgle) and has been slowly changing into a half decent singer. Just as Planned.

===In Conclusion===

The evidence is all-to-clear: Rebecca Black ''is'' Boreale's daughter. WHO HAS FALLEN TO THE CAPRICIOUS WILES OF THE BLASPHEMOUS CHAOS GODS!!!

Sadly this fact does not make her not suck ass.

===Links and Such===
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzfQwXEqYaI MY HAND IS A DOLPHIN]
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0 The Original Song]</s> <s>Ms.Black finally had enough of the hate.</s> [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0&feature=plcp NOT ANYMOAR!]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPVTl9K0lqc The song minus the video.]

===Gallery===
<gallery>
Image:BlackHanson.jpg|Pic Related.
</gallery>

[[Category:RAGE]][[Category:FAIL]][[Category:Not related]]
</div>
</div>

==BEAR WITNESS TO MY ASCENSION==

While most memes never make it out of the shit pit of the internet several of /tg/'s have been included in their source materials, almost certainly owing to the fact that their creators are [[Neckbeard|one of us]].

* [[Love Can Bloom|Love blooms]] [http://1d4chan.org/images/8/8c/LCB_canon.jpg in the Dark Heresy sourcebooks].
* [http://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Closer.jpg The commissar] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrrCY7dgaqs wants to hit them with his sword].
* [[The Guy Who Cried Grendel| Adept Grendel]] [http://www.fantasyflightgames.com/ffg_content/dark-heresy/pdf/previews/radicals-preview-1-web-quality.pdf drew the attention of the inquisition].
* Alice [[Boone]] has become [http://1d4chan.org/images/8/86/Canonization.jpg a cautionary tale]. Truly [[Fantasy Flight Games]] is the beardiest of companies.
* [http://1d4chan.org/images/e/e6/JUST_AS_PLANNED.png Or maybe they are under] [[Tzeentch]] control. "[[Just as planned]]!"
* [[Commissar Dan]] was makes [http://1d4chan.org/images/3/3e/Dancanon.png one last glorious charge with Fluffy.]

[[category:meme]]
[[category:copypasta]]

==Meme Magic==

Remember how Emperor was born? Just like that, meme magic requires the effort of collective consciousness of many internet autistic neckbeard. To make it work, there must be a popular meme and it must be shitpost, dubsposting and fan-arting as much as possible. Though /tg/ has no interest with such absurd phenomenon because it just seems like a bunch of autistic children fooling, deluded themselves over mere coincident accident such as "happening", where a mere baneposting is responsible for the plane-crush of a grermanwing with plane number begin with "4U".

Or you could just blame Tzeentch for that shit (Tzeentch is technically a meme god because he is doing it for the lulz)

The autistic on /pol/ believe a certain deity name "kek", who shares the same name as an Egyptian frog god and the appearance of the meme "sad frog" is responsible for this shit. Then again, Tzeentch has many form and he is always doing it for the lulz.

Seriously though, the way meme magic is supposed to work is almost identical to Ork's gestalt psychic field (i.e. if enough Orks believe "red unz go fasta", it's true), and to a lesser extent, the warp in general. Warhammer 40k is one of the few scenarios where meme magic would actually be a viable thing.

Genestealer

2016-10-29T15:28:04Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* See Also */

[[Image:GenestealerBroodlord.jpg|thumb|right]]

'''Genestealers''' are [[xenos|alien]] creatures in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe. They have undergone many [[fluff]] revisions since their inception, but they have always been lethal in melee (so deadly that [[Space Marine]] [[power armor]] is like tissue paper to them), preternaturally fast, pseudo-insectoid in form, and reliant on other species for reproduction. Basically Xenomorphs... IN SPAAA-wait a minute...

== Rogue Trader ==

In [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader]] (the first edition of Warhammer 40,000), Genestealers were simply one of many creatures encountered in space, spreading from the moon of Ymgarl; they could be extremely dangerous at close range, as each of their six strong limbs ended in sharp claws, and they had a gruesome lifestyle reminiscent of the Xenomorphs, but otherwise had little to distinguish themselves; notably, they were not connected with the [[Tyranids]] at all. Indeed, the core rulebook noted that Genestealers with [[human]] ancestry could be intelligent, and even friendly! Their natural form had an almost leech-like head, and they were specifically described as "vampirish." They also ignored armour saves until 4th ed. That was annoying.

== Space Hulk ==
When the [[Space Hulk]] board game was released a few years later, Genestealers received a significant bump in their threat level. The game made it clear that the Genestealers were a much more virulent and widespread menace than their initial description, and their head was changed to have a much toothier mouth. In keeping with GW's ripping off the Xenomorphs, Genestealers would use stealth to approach the Marine player's [[Terminators]] as "blips" of some unknown number of Genestealers, and then come out of hiding once they had a good ambush prepared. They achieved a super-human level of coordination via a hive-mind, represented by the Genestealer player having unlimited time to move his pieces.

== Later Editions ==
In later editions of [[Warhammer 40,000]], the Genestealers were revealed to be (or [[retcon]]ned into, depending on your point of view) vanguard organisms for the [[Tyranid]] Hive Fleets. They are capable of thinking for themselves and operating without the Hive Mind's leadership, a rare trait among Tyranids, although they are not synapse creatures. [[Space Hulk]]-era Genestealers were re-designated "Purestrain Genestealers," created by the Hive Fleets themselves.

Genestealers are sent to infest Space Hulks and spread among the stars. Their long tongues contain an ovipositor; when they encounter sentient humanoids, they [[Rape|use this ovipositor to inject a "seed" into the host's body]], combining the host species' genome with the greater Tyranid genome (hence the name Gene-stealer). The seed greatly alters the host's body on both physical and psychological levels over the course of a few hours, causing them to forget all about the infection and become subservient to the Purestrain's brood. The host is also driven to have children, even if they didn't want any before becoming infected; their partner does not have to be likewise infected, but it doesn't hurt. After the host is either pregnant or has impregnated another member of their species and gives birth, their viciously malformed offspring creates a hive mind connection between itself, its parents and the Genestealers. This connection and the mutations brought on by the Genestealer's seed proceed to subliminally twist the minds of both parents so that they unconditionally love their child and revere the Genestealers either as gods or as creatures sent by gods (the exact interpretation varies, you understand), usually fleeing into darkened tunnels, catacombs or sewers to avoid discovery.

They find the brood of Genestealers responsible and come together with kindred spirits -- that is, other Genestealer hybrids and their infected parents -- to form a community/family dedicated to the Genestealers in both body and soul. As the family grows, they will continue to isolate themselves and eventually form a Genestealer Cult. What follows is an ongoing process of hybrids breeding with captured and infected humans with their human parents kept around both as breeding stock and for nursing and child-rearing. The second generation hybrids aren't as ugly as their parents and more "normal"-looking, but still obviously alien. That however becomes a moot point once the third and fourth generation roll around, the fourth actually being virtually indistinguishable from actual full-members of their parent species. The uglier members and Purestrain Genestealers typically lurk in the shadows far away from civilisation, while the intelligent and "human" members infiltrate and spy in almost every sector of society. Their psychic network lets them communicate with one another, even though some of the less-human hybrids (and the Purestrains) are incapable of speech, and when it becomes large enough, it will act as a beacon to [[Tyranid]] Hive Fleets. These fleets travel at various different speeds according to various different authors although generally always slower than Imperial warp drives, which means it is impractical for them to travel blindly, so they home in on the signal created by a large Genestealer Cult. When their arrival is imminent, they will directly contact the Cult, which will then engage in a full rebellion, sabotaging their planet's defenses in preparation for the fleet. The fleet will consume the Cult along with everything else on the planet, but the Genestealers (and their hybrid servants) are <strike>just fine with that</strike> apparently not so fine with it. The Genestealer Cult faction are now Allies of Convenience with Tyranids. Battle Brothers don't eat one another.

It's like they attempted to make the already grimdark Xenomorphs even more grimdark by crossing it over with ''[[H.P. Lovecraft|The Shadow over Innsmouth]]''.

=== Genestealer Variants ===
The [[Broodlord]] is an Alpha Genestealer, being connected to the Hive Mind as well as being a psyker (Though he cannot use Warp Lance), thus allowing him to gain control over his burgeoning army of bastard children. The Broodlord's coming is often a time of great joy and celebration for the cult, as his coming is said to be a herald of the impending Hive Fleet invasion.

After the Purestrain infects a host, a Genestealer Cult will end up with members with various levels of Genestealer ancestry. In general, Genestealer Hybrids will breed with their non-Genestealer parent species, and their descendants will resemble that species, until (for some unexplained reason) the fourth hybrid generation, whose children will be Purestrain Genestealers capable of "founding" new Genestealer Cults.

The first Genestealer to infect a host (or hosts) grows larger and more intelligent with each mind added to the cult/family/whatever, eventually far surpassing its kin in strength, size and cunning, even becoming a powerful psyker. This Genestealer is known as the Patriarch, and like the Broodlord he is much beloved by the other members of the cult.

The [[Rogue Trader]]-era Genestealers also get a special mention, in the form of "Ymgarl Genestealers," a strain that supposedly comes from a population of Genestealers that got isolated on the moons of Ymgarl. They have tentacled, lamprey-like mouths and the ability to partially transform themselves depending on the circumstances, at the cost of being genetically unstable and only being able to feed on blood. In fact, they're so unstable that the Hive Mind deliberately abandoned them for fear that they would contaminate the Tyranid gene pool. Because of this, they compulsively seek to reach planets that have recently been visited by the Tyranids in a futile attempt to be reabsorbed into the Hive Fleets. If they weren't horrible monstrosities, their predicament would almost be pathetic. However, at some point between 5th and 6th Edition, the Ymgarl Genestealers lucked out and got absorbed into a Hive Fleet by some very desperate/caring Norn Queen. The result of this is that 6E Tyranids now have a Bio-Artefact (If you feel unclean about the name, that's natural) called the ''Ymgarl Factor'' that gives any Tyranid unit the same unstable properties rule, but now lack the assaulting from Outflanking.

=== Non-human Hybrids ===
As a final note, [[Warhammer 40,000]] fiction is very [[human]]-centric, and so most Genestealer infestations depicted have occurred among human populations, but the [[Ciaphas Cain]] novels have suggested that [[Tau]] and [[Orks]] are also susceptible to Genestealer infection. What, exactly, an Ork Genestealer Hybrid or a Tau Genestealer Hybrid would look like is the subject of much speculation.

It should be noted that Orks reproduce asexually by way of fungal spores they secrete from their skin, so it's pretty hard to envision an Orkified Genestealer actually working, or lasting beyond the first generation or two, since they have no ways of mixing genes to produce purestrains in time (Orks might just spawn all the hybrid generations in a single sporing in no particular order, and those subsequent generations might do the same.). Even if they could, the Orks have an inherent ability to determine if one of their own isn't proppa Orky and will inevitably krump the gits (Actually, old fluff says that greenstealers tend to like orks more than tyranids, as in the tyranid hive mind, master of all genetics, is INCAPABLE of breeding out the orkiness, this leads to greenstealer cults actually fighting back or corrupting the tyranids who've come to nom them.) that or be envious of the guy with built in Choppas and still krump em to get a Dok to glue them on his own hands. Purestrain genestealers descended from Ork hybrids tend to have denser musculature (and most likely greater physical strength), which suggests that while not as prevalent as human hybrids, they're not exactly rare either.

Tau, similarly, have certain complications to the procedure -- not counting the fact their Kroot allies can taste if a person is infected or not simply by tasting some of their blood, or the fact tau-tech is probably advanced enough to scan for this threat once they know about it. <s>Firstly, tau are implied to have much lower sex drives than humans. </s> Nope, Tau like it just as much as humans, it's just tempered by [[Grimdark|their authoritarian ideology]] when it comes to actually having kids. Tau explicitly practice caste-restricted bureaucratically arranged breeding processes; Tau don't have kids until their higher ups decide they should, and they don't even get to pick their own partners. Two tau get paired up by the decision of a committee, spend a couple of days off work and having sex, then separate and go their separate ways. This means the genestealer taint is seriously difficult to spread amongst the race. The caste-based structure of tau society also poses problems to any potential Tauified Genestealers, and that's without presuming the caste-system is now so inherent that different castes can't even physically breed with each other anymore.

While it probably is possible for Genestealers to infect the [[Eldar]], it's unlikely that they'd really get anywhere with any of the four varieties due to their highly advanced medical technology (all four, yes even the Exodites), universal emphatic abilities, very regimented lifestyles (Craftworld), and the fact that irregular psychic activity amongst them gets located and dealt with very quickly (all four, heck mind bulletry is pretty much the only thing the [[Dark Eldar]] ban). Thus it's going to stay as pretty much just a possibility for fa/tg/uys to wild mass guess over.

As for the [[Necrons]], they're fucking undead robots. If you even consider this possibility you're fucking ''retarded''.

== On the Tabletop ==

===Tyranids===
[[Image:Genestealers-in-the-grass.jpg|250px|thumb|right|[[Fist of the North Star|You're already dead]].]]In battle, both Ymgarl and Purestrain Genestealers are ridiculously deadly in melee, both in fluff and on the tabletop. On the tabletop, when a brood of Genestealers charges something, it's very unlikely to survive to the next turn unless it's a [[Land Raider]] due to their massive number of good strength attacks, rending, and high weapon skill that means they hit most things on 3s (seriously, these guys have higher weapons skill than a lot things made out to close-combat experts), not to mention that they are fast little fuckers. In the fluff, their claws are so damned sharp that they might as well be power weapons, slicing through armor and walls like a chainsaw going through a rice paper wall. Their hypnotic eye powers show up irregularly in the fluff, showing up in the Dark Disciples Novel but not Ciaphas Cain; Hero of the Imperium for example. The fact they are '''[[derp|faster than Eldar]]''' lets them laugh at any unit they charge/charging them, and they are usually deployed a-la Kroot Carnivores (parking them behind a windowless wall 12-18" from the enemy). Unlike Kroots though, they are not there to slow the enemy, they provide a hazardous area for the first turns and then, when the main force has reached their position, they jump out to help OMNOMMing.

Genestealers have a squad leader upgrade, which the 5th edition changed from an HQ to a troop choice, called the [[Broodlord]], which formerly had a major role due to the biomorphs it could use and psyker powers, but being reduced to a sergeant basically made it just add an extra punch, though it still had a better statline than any non Special-Character Space Marine HQs (except the CSM's daemon prince). Sixth edition turned broodlord into rape machine in challenges, as he able to bring down almost any independent character in the game without eternal warrior, while costing much, MUCH less.

Also take note that genestealers do NOT like [[Hellhound]]s. They bring the smell of burning chitin into [[rape|genestealer's breakfast]]. Avoid them at all costs. A Banewolf squadron will just make them shit out their guts under AP 3 fleshbane templates.

Thanks to 7th edition allowing "Come the Apocalypse" alliance this can be done once more! However, this is pretty much moot now that genestealers come with their own codex; aside from some extra vehicle choices, genestealer cults already come with their own human troops and tanks.

===Genestealer Cults===
Cults get a super-genestealer called a Patriarch, the progenitor of the cult, as the main HQ choice. There's also the Magus, acting as the cult's psyker, and the Primus, their version of a general/champion. The troops themselves are roughly similar to Chaos Cultists, Neophyte hybrids being armed with guns and improvised equipment, with Acolyte hybrids fighting better in close combat. The Cult can also steal guardsmen vehicles, namely the [[Leman Russ Battle Tank]], [[Chimera]], and [[Sentinel]], as well as their version of a Technical called the [[Goliath Truck]]. You can also just straight up steal Guardsmen and field them as Neophyte Hybrids. All cult members specialize in ambushing opponents, and get major bonuses from their leaders, but much like the [[Tau]] they fall into disarry should their HQ be killed. However, this is alleviated by the fact that HQ automatically pass "Look Out Sir!", meaning so long as you have enough meatshields you can keep them alive.

== Genestealer Army list ==
For those of you who wish to field these in their entirety rather than through a Tyranid army, well then you are in luck. The Fly Lords of Terra have come up with a list that can be used in Apocalypse games. But since this army has an underdog feel to it, you could get away with using it in standard games as well. Not only that but the file provides the reader with a conversion ideas section: http://www.belloflostsouls.net/2016/02/40k-genestealer-cult-deathwatch-rule-coming.html

https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Deathwatch/40k-rules-deathwatch-en.pdf

== Unofficial codices ==

*Fly Lords of Terra Genestealer Apoc codex [http://www.box.com/shared/lyyxvnpk48]
*So not only do genestealer cults have a codex now, but this man, Chris Showers, actually made a army of them! You'll have to Google Search them yourself, though, since the GamesWorkshop website *cough* [http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/content/article.jsp?community=true&catId=&categoryId=300005&aId=11600017] *cough* is slowly deleting anything that isn't the webstore.

==The Plague Returns ==
Guess who's back, bitches!
http://www.spikeybits.com/2016/02/breaking-new-genestealer-cult-rules-pictures.html

Deathwatch: Overkill started us out with rules and models for cultists, in this case various hybrids wielding mining equipment and a general leadership structure of a Genestealer patriarch, with hybrid preachers and enforcers. Then GW announced that they were doing a full codex, and if early impressions and rumors are anything to go by, it's gonna be ''fun''. Genestealer Cults are gonna be getting their own psychic discipline with 7 powers, 8 formations, wargear options, their own vehicle (a limo no less!), ''and'', it's looking like they'll have access to Imperial Guard vehicles too. Genestealers and hybrids catching a ride in Chimeras, or advancing alongside Leman Russes? ''Oh hell yes''.

== Gallery ==
<gallery>
File:Genestealer_orks.jpg| ORKY NIDS!!!!!!!!!!!
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Genestealer Cults (7E)]] - a general overview of the new army
*[[Genestealer Cult Creation Tables]] - why not generate your own Cult?
*[[Jeanstealer]] - One of /tg/'s creations. A rather confused Tyranid genestealer that is only driven to steal denim trousers.
*[[Hivestrain Azure]]- A fapfic about a particularly unusual strain of genestealer.
*[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Deathwatch/40k-rules-deathwatch-en.pdf Genestealer Cult Rules] 40k Rules for the new Genestealer Cult from Deathwatch: Overkill
{{Template:Tyranids-Creatures}}
{{Template:Genestealer-Cult}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Tyranid]]

Tyranid

2016-10-29T15:27:44Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

[[Image:Nids3rdEdCover.jpg|400px|thumb|right|NOM NOM NOM!!!]]
{{promotions}}{{Heresy}}

''"This isn't a war," said the artilleryman. "It never was a war, any more than there's war between man and ants.'' ― H.G. Wells, The War of the Worlds

The '''Tyranids''' (often shortened to simply '''<nowiki>'</nowiki>nids''') are a race of extragalactic "Alien locust" in [[Warhammer 40k]], that seemingly exist only to devour [[Human|biomass]], evolve into a more perfect species and grow in numbers. They are extremely adaptable, and frequently engineer and modify traits and characteristics in their genome, by devouring other unfortunate species into their own, in order to improve their combat effectiveness and survival. As a result, they are constantly evolving and becoming more dangerous. The Tyranids are most commonly seen in the galaxy in the form of [[Hive Fleet]]s, large collections of space faring organisms that are capable of transporting and birthing the smaller strains of the species, as they travel from world to world, attack and consume all biomass on/in that planet, leaving it a lifeless rock. Even bacteria and archaea are consumed from the atmosphere. They are probably one of the oldest races when you think about it, and are together with Orks and Necrons, are probably going to win this galactic war in this galaxy. For this reason pretty much every faction in the galaxy sees Tyranids as the ultimate threat and <s>[[Blood Angels|would ally even]] [[Necrons|with their sworn enemies]] to fight them.</s> Thus call the race The Great Devourer.

==Overview==
Before they arrived to this galaxy, the Tyranids were probably lying dormant in intergalactic space because there is nothing there to consume (probably). Despite this, they had sentinel organisms, looking constantly for any sign of life in distant galaxies, which makes sense, as there would be no point heading to one that doesn't have any food. We actually don't know how many galaxies they have already left bare or why they came to this galaxy. So most facts we have on them are simply not more than speculations. It could be that we have only seen a fraction of their numbers or that their current numbers is all there is. We simply don't know.

Circa 30k, and the alien device known as the Pharos sends up a huge quantum energy pulse, effectively signposting the Milky Way as an all you can eat buffet. They set off, taking roughly the next 10,000 years to do so.

The Tyranid species is mentally connected and controlled by the extremely powerful and near godlike HIVE MIND. The Hive Mind is the collective consciousness of the entire Tyranid race, a psychic embodiment of Tyranid instincts and racial imperatives: to devour and evolve. It is so powerful that it's mere presence (the Shadow in the Warp) makes even psykers and [[Chaos]] shit their metaphysical brains out in terror. The power of the Hive Mind is such that it casts a stifling influence over the Warp in the area, and therefore, warp travel becomes almost impossible. Hence it is that a world that finds itself a target of a Hive Fleet, is unable to call for help or receive reinforcements by the time it detects the Hive Fleet's presence. This super consciousness allows their forces to move with a unity of purpose and cohesion that makes them extremely dangerous. The individual intelligence of different strains of the species is variable, however, and many of the smaller species lack the psychic power to communicate over long distances, and so the swarm relies on larger organisms, the so-called "Synapse Creatures", to act as relays and communication nodes in the psychic network (If the Hive Mind is the Internet (Internid), then synapse creatures are ISPs (ISynaPse) and routers (router-warriors)?). Outside of the range of a synapse creature such as a Tyranid Warrior or a Hive Tyrant, smaller varieties such as those found within the Gaunt genus revert to animalistic behavior. However, certain strains, such as the Genestealer or the Lictor, are designed to be able to spend long periods of time beyond the reach of the Hive Mind, and are consequently considerably more intelligent and autonomous than other Tyranid organisms.

[[Image:KillEmAll.jpg|300px|thumb|left|DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA!]]

The normal Tyranid modus operandi is to locate a deliciously looking planet, usually by following the psychic emanations of vanguard organisms like the Genestealers, who are sent ahead as scouts to infiltrate and form cults while obtaining genetic information about the local species (hence the name Gene-stealer), drawing the fleet towards a viable target. It is also known that Tyranids are attracted like moths to concentrated sources of psychic energy such as the [[Emperor|Astronomicon]]. The Tyranids are capable of non-[[Warp]]-based FTL travel, which they achieve by using gravity to manipulate spacetime and travel extremely quickly towards large gravity wells such as stars, and once they are relatively close, they must rely on STL travel to close the gap with their target. Once they reach the world, infinite swarms of creatures flood down to the surface to overwhelm all resistance and consume the planet's population and resources in a manner reminiscent of a Korean StarCraft champion performing the devastating "Zerg Rush" (Note that the Zerg were supposedly based on Tyranids, which in turn were based on aliens in from movies like ''Starship Troopers'' and ''Alien''. Those movies are nostalgic and awesome to anyone who is even remotely interested in sci-fi and horror themes. All these organisms are based on eusocial Hive insects such as the order ''Hymenoptera'', which includes ants, bees etc. In the later stages of the invasion, the Fleet manipulates the planet's biosphere and seeds it with aggressive plant life that grows extremely rapidly and assimilate all nutrition/life left on the planet, which is then consumed by the creatures of the swarm and massive feeding tentacles/tubes, dropped by Tyranid bio-ships in low orbit, and hence conveyed to the Hive Fleet as a whole. The fleet literally grows in size and mass, and moves on to the next planet.

This makes the Tyranids a very dangerous foe to fight. Even the Imperial Guard and Orks will find it difficult to beat them in a war of attrition, as individual losses are meaningless to the bugs. As long as they are able to recover the biomass of the dead, it is simply recycled into new warriors and ships. It's worth noting that going against technological species, results in fewer and fewer recycled biomass, so a Hive assaulting a high-tech heavily fortified fortress, loses some of it's total biomass bit-by-bit, but there are only few cases where the Tyranids really bite off more than they can chew. Even a Hive Fleet that has taken terrible losses and is forced to retreat, may soon return to terrorize strong worlds, as capturing and consuming a few poorly defended backwater planets is all that is required for them to replenish their forces. Even Hive Fleets considered defeated by the Imperium, may still be dangerous, as the splinter elements that have survived, may continue to infest worlds in the region. It is worth noting that, in the rare event that two different Tyranid fleets encounter each other, they are apt to attack each other. This is generally believed to be some sort of Darwinian selection mechanism to compare the competitiveness of the traits the individual fleets have absorbed, with the victorious fleet consuming the other, absorbing their best traits, and culturing a deadly hybrid with the best of both worlds.

[[File:1389680259601.jpg|thumb|450px|right|Who doesn't love a scuttling swarm of space locusts?]]

So far, only fragments of Tyranid Hive Fleets have made it to this galaxy, and they were given monstrous names such as "Behemoth" and "Leviathan" and ate untold numbers of planets before finally destroyed or stalled. It's also known that these are merely scouting fleets for the unimaginably large swarm that has yet to arrive, still currently in transit from another galaxy ([[Imperium|Imperial]] scholars suppose them to be either en route from a galaxy they successfully scoured of all life, or retreating from some force even nastier than they are). Noted Imperial scholars believe that the only possible plan that stands any chance against the arrival of this force involves giving a [[melta]] gun to everyone that has hands and praying to the God-Emperor for the best. They have been expected to arrive on Terra's doorstep any day now for years, being stalled by a force even more malicious then they are: [[Games Workshop|GW]]'s refusal to move the story forward.

And if they do expect the above to be retcon so that Leviathan is in fact the main force, as the above was coming from a crazed inquisitor.

==On the Table==

[[Image:No Retreat.jpg|300px|thumb|left|KABLOOIE!]]

===5th Edition===
When the 5th edition Codex released, it was met with [[skub|split opinions]], as usual. Some were angry at how overpowered the army looked, citing the facts that the [[Tervigon]] could create more units out of thin air using "broken" special rules, that the anti-psyker powers were so broad, and that the [[Hive Guard]] and [[Zoanthrope]]s were so good at tank hunting at a time when tanks were kings.

However, after some time passed, people who decried the cheesy aspects of the army faded from view as people began to realize the army only seemed cheesy on paper, and that, in truth, any cheese the army had was drowned in the army's drawbacks. The Termagants the Tervigon could spawn? Stats like a [[Imperial Guard|Guardsmen]] in close combat, but with half their weapon range and weaker armor. And to get Tervigons to the Troops slot from the HQ slot (where they were practically useless), you had to pay Guardsman prices for a unit of them. In other words, you ''had'' to use the "cheesy" special rule or they were overpriced into uselessness.

Then there were the special powers that supposedly buffed the army. Again, at a first glance, they looked broken. Certain upgrades allowed any unit within 6" of certain models to gain rules like Feel No Pain, Furious Charge, Poison, cover saves, and so on. It sounded like a serious boon, but it had a funny effect. Aside from the fact that most Tyranid models are too expensive unless you capitalize on the bubble-buffs, it also does a horrible thing to your freedom to play the army. Mainly, it forces players to keep all their units bunched up within 6" of a few key models, requiring them to spend the entire game in a rigid formation that can spell disaster for the army when broken. Tyranids already suffered from this problem somewhat due to their synapse rules, but the 6" range on the mandatory buffs only shortened the leash. Not to mention it also made blasts even worse for an army already vulnerable to them.

Tyranids do seriously lack effective long range support as well. While they possess some weapons capable of mincing infantry units, most things with a range over 12" come at a premium. With an army so focused on close combat this shouldn't be such a problem, but synapse and buff leashes actually make it a valid concern. Mainly, the short buff leash pressures a player into a castle formation, but the lack of medium and long ranged weaponry pressures the player to advance the entire castle towards the enemy, which has a way of creating chinks in the formation. And you can't just move a few key units - when a unit moves forward, the model providing the buffs has to follow them, and then the other units relying on the buffs have to follow the model providing the buffs; it just makes the army obscenely inflexible.

Tyranid monstrous creatures, their heavy support, also got drastically [[Nerf|nerfed]] in the 5th edition update. 6th edition rules have mitigated it somewhat, but the supposedly heavy-hitters of the army have limited roles or schizophrenic weapons options. Like the Tyrannofex, for example: with a 2+ save and six wounds at a toughness of six, the damn thing is almost indestructible, but the weapons are short-ranged, and if you buy it an expensive long-range cannon to shoot at tanks, you can't change any of its other short-ranged weapons which are designed to kill infantry. You just can't quite kit your heavy support to do the things you specifically want.

Which brings us to the final problem: on top of mountains of tactical inflexibility, the Tyranids also suffer from the drawback of design inflexibility. Unlike Guardsmen or Space Marines, the Tyranids don't get a lot of options to change the way the army works. When you buy hormagaunts, you get them at face value - you can't equip them with frag grenades, give them pistols, add heavy weapons, or mess with their gear in any way. You can buy them the poison special rule if you want, or maybe the Furious Charge special rule, but those are your two choices. Almost the entire army is that way, which is vastly different than the way they worked in 4th edition. The Carnifex alone lost eighteen weapon and biomorph options between 4th and 5th edition and it doubled in points value. And with no upgrades taken! And for twenty points more, you can get a trygon. Which is better then the carnifex in almost every way. Cept looking good. It's possible that Tyranids are now the least adaptable army in the game.

The last kick in the teeth is that Tyranids are one of the more expensive armies to collect, requiring a larger number of models than most. Their HQ choices, short of the Tyranid Prime, are big monsters which run at prices edging nearer and nearer to $100 each. For the fact that most Tyranid armies will play exactly the same way, having all the same exploitable weaknesses and no unique wargear surprises, it's not a wonder that the army has seen a huge drop in sales since the release of their 5th edition codex. The shorter lesson to take from all this is, if you're thinking about beginning a 40k army, even with how expensive it's all gotten, Tyranids are not the best army to start with.
===6th Edition===
[[Image:GWstockfail2.jpg|300px|thumb|right|WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! THE FAIL TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES!]]
[[Image:Haruspex.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Is it me, or does the [[Haruspex]] look like it belongs in a [[/d/|bad hentai movie?]] ]]
Now that it's out, it sadly more of the same so far and may in fact have nerfed them FURTHER. Though a few new units did get added, most of which weren't even mentioned since Chapter Approved 2001 (such as the Exocrine and the Haruspex), along with a new FMC called the Crone, also on the plus side, rumour has it that carnifexes are going to be a fair bit cheaper, and can take almost any biomorph, and Flesh Hooks are back but only three units can have them.

...[http://imgur.com/a/8w57g And virtually everything the Tyranids needed to stay competitive was either removed or nerfed to uselessness]. On the downside, Tyranids no longer have Mycetic Spores, the Doom of Malan'tai, Ymgarl Genestealers or the Parasite of Mortrex (GW lost a pissing contest with Chapterhouse Studios, with the rather iffy ruling that GeeDubs didn't have the IP right to the models ChapterHouse was producing, and now they're taking it out on us because "fuck balance and competition" apparently). They even lost the ability to use psychic powers from the Biomancy table along with their Hive Mind powers being nerfed. Why GW thought that the most underpowered army needed even MORE nerfing will remain a mystery (But odds are that Cruddace had something to do with it). A perfect example of unnecessary nerfing is the tyranid prime; it was rarely fielded in 5th edition, and the 6th edition codex inexplicably increased its cost by over 56%. At any rate, it looks like the Tyranids will soon be joining the Sisters in GW Hell, rather ironic as they were once under the axe along with Squats. Keep in mind that GW stocks were already dropping due to the financial disasters that were 6th ed Apocalypse, Strong Hold Assault, and Escalation, but we're not kidding when we say, that, THE NEW CODEX WAS SO BAD THAT EVEN THEIR STOCKS PLUMMETED BY 23%! Looks like there were more Tyranid players than everyone thought, not everyone plays Space Marines (although to tell the truth, CNN Money reports show that actually the entire market was hit by a worldwide crash, Tyranid nerfs may just have aggravated the situation). Meanwhile in [[Warhammer Fantasy]] there's 3 armies which are at least one edition behind in updates (with Dwarfs updated in Febuary 2014). Along with the announcement was plans to close many GW stores, including their headquarters in Germany... yeah, this might be the beginning of the end.

[[Indrick Boreale|BUT NO! WE SHALL NOT FAIL, IT IS THE ENEMY WHO WILL GET TASTED AND EATEN!]] Ahem, GeeDubs has released some Dataslate formations which allow you to <strike>buff your Tyranid armies to make them quite competitive,</strike> ignore the force organisation chart to spam flying monstrous creatures and overwhelm an opponents anti air defenses because the flyer rules are an even larger catastrafuck than the tyranid codex. Expect discussions and rage about allowing these dataslates for tournaments.(of course any of these arguments and complaints are founded on stupidity. This is a game not designed for hardcore competition. If you want that then play warmashit)'''**SSSS rippaaaahhhssss will be put in crudfacessss bedssss for what he hasssss done to ussssss**'''

===7th Edition and White Dwarf updates===

Geedubs seems to have finally noticed how badly nerfed tyranids have been during the last editions so they took opportunity to get your money by releasing new waves of tyranid units supported by White Dwarf updates, expect huge amounts of Skub and tactics for your space dinobugs.

Things started poorly with a pair of monstrous creatures who really didn't bring anything new to the table. The [[Toxicrene]] was fine on paper, bringing Poisoned 2+ Instant-Death-on-a-6 attacks, but as yet another flootslogging MC it had trouble catching the things it WANTED to kill. The [[Maleceptor]] was just overcosted, overcomplicated, and underpowered hunk of plastic that would be lucky to kill more than 20 points worth of models in a given turn. What was the final nail for both, however, was their armor save; the difference between a 3+ armor save and a 4+ armor save (which the two MCs had) meant that they were now vulnerable to a LOT more weapons than other Tyranid MCs (who at least warranted ordinance-grade weapons to deal with their toughness + armor).

But then things got interesting. The [[Mycetic Spore]]s came back, under the name of "Tyrannocytes", and they were well worth the wait! Alongside the new spores were a Tyranid "fortification" (that is, a Heavy Support that didn't take up a force org. slot) that could boost synapse range and drop spore mines around, and a new super-sized Muceloid Spore Mine that could assault fliers. Soon afterward came the Doom of Malan'tai in a new body: the [[Neurothrope]]! While slightly nerfed -- his signature "fuck you" bubble is now a psychic power rather than just free damage -- it's far from unusable and can even be put in a squadron to make Look Out Sir rolls!

==7th Edition, DLC and==
[[Image:maketyranidsgreat.jpg|200px|thumb|right|MAKE TYRANIDS GREAT AGAIN]]
The most unexpected announcements came from GW around Fall 2014, coinciding with the coming of [[The End Times]]: New models for the Tyranids.The first pack that was announced was a Dual Kit for the [[Maleceptor]]\[[Toxicrene]]. While the Maleceptor proved to be unpopular within ''minutes'' of having its rules announced in White Dwarf as it was an overpriced drain of warp charges, the Tocxicrene proved to fare a bit better, as the copious amount of poison and Instant Death on a 6 to-wound using said poison made it a menace against Monstrous Creatures (though its intended targets, the [[Riptide]] and [[Wraithknight]], merely scoffed at it because they're jumping monstrous creatures, and thus able to kite it like a toy).The second release proved to be the most popular by far: The return of Mycetic Spores (now [[Tyrannocyte]]s), the living fortifications known as [[Sporocyst]]s, and new [[Mucolid Spore]]s that not only assault flyers, but are also the cheapest troop choices, making starting an army of Tyranids a much simpler task. While the Tyrannocyte proved an incredible weapon that made several units (including the infamous [[Pyrovore]]) suck slightly less, that power came with a hefty price tag (for a Transport, not as a Monstrous Creature), and Sporocysts are completely immobile and are equally pricey in exchange for synapse bonuses and the ability to spam spore mines. Needless to say, people actually thanked GeeDubs for this rare show of intelligence.The third release gave new Sprues for the [[Zoanthrope]]/[[Venomthrope]] as a multi-part kit with a new set of rules for the Zoanthropes: The [[Neurothrope]], a sergeant that gave the brood a new power that could potentially give them more Warp Charges to spend on Warp Lance. Not bad, but the new sprue was still welcome.After these releases, it became clear as to why the Nids got new shit: promotions for a new Campaign called ''Shield of Baal'', which involves Nids chomping through a system near the territory of the [[Blood Angels]], meaning that [[Dante]] has to call all the successor chapters to stop the mob. He had to take help from [[Anrakyr]] to save even part of the system.This now concludes the awesome part of all things Tyranid. If you look at the gallery below the Cutenids, you will require a mind scrubbing and be lobotomized into a servitor. No exceptions.Of course you now have players mocking Nids as being a DLC faction.

==See Also==
*[[Tyranid Bio-Weapons]]
*[[Genestealer]]
*[[Carnifex]]
*[[Hive Tyrant]]
*[[Lolifex]]
*[[Hive Fleet]]
*[[Unyuufex]]
*[[Harridan]]
*[[Tyranid RPG]]
*[[Hive Fleet Nidhoggr]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Tyranids(7E)|Tactics/Tyranids]]
*[[Tyranid /tgbrew modifications|/tg/'s homebrew modifications that make 5E nids get awesome]]
*[[Codex - Tyranids: /tg/ edition|Another /tg/brew 'Nid modificaton, now based on 7E and made into fully blown codex]]
*[[Genestealer Cult]]
* Unlike other 40k factions there is not clear Warhammer Fantasy counter part for the Tyranids. They seem to combine the [[Skaven]] and [[Ogre Kingdoms]] for tactics and lean closer to the Ogres for motivation, namely eat it all.
*[[Phyrexia]], a faction/category from [[Magic:_The_Gathering|Magic: the Gathering]] with some similar fluff
*[[Slivers]] a creature type from M:TG that bares some similarities with 'nids.
{{Template:Tyranids-Creatures}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Cuteid_(1).jpg
Image:Cuteid_(2).jpg
Image:Cutenids.gif
Image:Cuteid_(3).jpg
Image:Genestealer_purple.jpg
Image:Tyranid_(0).png
Image:Tyranid_(-1).jpg
Image:Tyranid_s_(0).png
Image:40k_Oh_My_Emperor_by_Sebbythefreak.jpg
Image:F5ASTER.jpg
Image:Tyranid_s_(1).png
Image:Tyranid_s_(2).png
Image:Tyranid_s_(3).png
Image:Tyranid_s_(4).jpg
Image:Tyran_dont_work_that_way_by_eccma417.jpg
Image:Tyranid_hugsies.jpg
Image:Jean_toys.png
Image:Tyranid_Kool.jpg
Image:Tyranid_more.jpg
Image:Tyranid_some_more.jpg
Image:Tyranid_Notions.png
Image:Rocking_Tyranids.jpg
Image:Tyranid_wrestler.jpg
Image:Gangstagaunt.jpg
Image:Hormogaunt_by_kriegsmachine14.jpg
Image:20141009 193455.jpg Their's always a bigger fish, And the tyranids are no exception [[cat]]

</gallery>
</center>
Thus far the Cutenids. From down here there be many [[promotions]]. Abandon all hope ye who enter here.
{{Template:Promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Tyranid_f_(0).png
Image:Loligauntloot.png
Image:Tyranid_f_(1).jpg
Image:Tyranid_f_(2).jpg
Image:Tyranid_f_(3).jpg
Image:Tyrantxfire prism.JPG|[[Eldrad]] leaves no woman unsatisfied.
Image:Tyranid_f_(4).jpg
Image:Tyranid_f_(5).jpg
Image:Beachnid.jpg|Fun in the sun.
Image:Assnid.jpg
Image:Colorassnid.jpg
Image:Sexynid.jpg
Image:Tyranid_f_(6).jpg
Image:Tyranid_f_(7).jpg
Image:Tyranid_f_(8).jpg
Image:Tyranid_f_(9).jpg
Image:Tyranid_f_(10).jpg
Image:Tyranid maid.jpg|I'd let her clean up my biomass, if you know what I mean.
Image:Hardworkingtyranidmaid_anonib.jpg
Image:Taunid4.jpg|Go back to bed Matt
Image:Dat_tyranid.png
Image:Tyranid_Princess.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

{{WH40k-Factions}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Tyranid]]

Necron

2016-10-29T15:27:23Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

[[File:Necrons.jpg|600px|thumb|right|Space zombie terminator egyptians. That was Space Zombie Terminator Egyptians. Yeah.]]

''"Death is frightening, and so is eternal life."''
 -Mason Cooley

“That is not dead which can eternal lie, 
And with strange aeons even death may die” 
- ''[[H.P. Lovecraft]]

'''My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:'' 
''Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!''' 
''Nothing beside remains. Round the decay'' 
''Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare'' 
''The lone and level sands stretch far away.'' 

-Percy Bysshe Shelley, "Ozymandias"

''Finally.'' 
''After our Thousand Year Old Slumber, WE ARE FINALLY ALIVE.'' 
''For eons I have awaited this day.'' 
''Warriors. Our time to conquer this planet and THE NEXT begins todeeeeeyy.'' 
''The world shall tremble at our war cry.'' 
''AND OUR WAR CRY IS SOI SOI SOI SOIIIIIIII SWEY'' 
'''*Entire legion of necron warriors chanting SOI SOI SOI*''' 
- ''[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Unnamed Necron Lord]]'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yzsmxugmB0]]

'''Necrons''' (Robo-Zombie Eygptians in SPEHSS) are one of the main factions in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Basically, they're a bunch of soulless, skeletal, alien killing machines led by a robot aristocracy of angry murder machines and bound together by space-technology-magic (like atom-flaying weapons that strip their targets down into their constituent atoms).

Although they have been around since [[Rogue Trader (sourcebook)|Rogue Trader]] (albeit only as a single picture categorized as an "unknown xenos species"), they have seen great change in almost every edition. In second edition, they were a mysterious faction with essentially zero fluff and only a few models, all of which looked incredibly silly, and [[Space Crusade]] introduced them as Chaos Androids (oh, the irony...). However, with third edition they got their own [[Codex]] and a bunch of models fleshing them out as an army and introducing their rulers, the [[C'tan]] (who were subsequently shoehorned into every major event in the 40k universe). [[Games Workshop]] then promptly forgot they existed and did not update them again until the closing days of fifth edition. [[Skub|This was a controversial move]] as the Codex was written by [[Matt Ward]], who significantly changed the fluff, making them Newcrons. In short, they became [[Tomb Kings]] IN SPESS and the C'tan were demoted to being their bitches. And that's about it. Do note that although they are space Tomb Kings, they are not necessarily space Egyptians.
Gameplay-wise, some used to consider the Necrons to have been unduly OP during their introduction. A respectable amount of evidence can be gathered to grant credence to this viewpoint based on the ease with which they can blow up vehicles using the basic Warrior's Gauss Flayer. The rapid change in fluff between the 5th edition codex and its predecessor is controversial, to put it lightly. While both versions of the Necrons' background have their fans, many would agree that the retconning was drastic and heavy-handed. On the one hand, the Necrons' theme used to be that they were emotionless, implacable alien killers led by Cthulhu-ish star gods that fed on people's souls. Their background was very sparse and included all sorts of mysterious things about the Necrons and the C'tan that had implications for the whole setting of Warhammer 40,000. The new codex gets rid of all the mystery and removes the dangerous feel the Necrons used to have in exchange for [[your dudes|giving the individual Necron leaders and armies individual personality, which in turn allowed players to make their armies different]]. This was different from the previous situation where [[Grey Knights|basically everyone had an army of similar silver OP doom warriors wielding guns that could rip through tanks as well as infantry and had over the top fluff that made them out to be the baddest sons of bitches in the galaxy.]]

The 7E Fluff in the codex is actually a lot more complex than those of prior codices with complete sections dedicated to paint schemes and analyses on the markings on them (Where the last edition only barely even begins with that) while also beginning to fluff out some of the more prominent dynasties. However, the not much of it actually changed from the last codex, so the C'tan-mon are still a thing (And are actually treated with less respect than even a warrior), as are eccentric, megalomaniacal undead robots.

[http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090731021518/en.futurama/images/thumb/a/ad/GoodNewsEveryone.jpg/500px-GoodNewsEveryone.jpg Good news, everyone!] With the Necrons now being somewhat popular, they are about to get a new slew of Forgeworld loving, thanks to the announcement that they are scheduled to be featured in Imperial Armor 12 along with the Minotaurs Chapter Space Marines (meaning we may finally get Medusa V Tomb Stalkers and Megaliths, so we don't have to rely on Pylon, Scarab, Barge, Warscythe, and Heat-ray spam to down Titans).

Apparently, 'Necron' is also the title of a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Necron bizarre and retarded fetish comic] of some sort.

== The Old Fluff - Space [[Wikipedia:Terminator (character concept)|Terminators]] ==

[[File:Tumblr nj3ldcWQe51tvfheeo1 1280.jpg|500px|left]]
The Necrons were introduced, as mentioned before, in Space Crusade as a type of enemy to fight in the form of "Chaos Androids". Really, the only thing to describe about them here is that they're pretty derpy. Oh, and 2E had a model used for [[Assholetep]].

A long time ago (even before the [[Eldar]]) the Necrontyr [[Grimdark|lived on a planet blasted by radiation from their sun. Their short lives were filled from beginning to end with cancer]], [[AIDS]], and [[Grimdark|pain]].

While all this sun-rape was going on a race of psychically-attuned space precursors called the [[Old Ones]] had already built a vast civilization throughout the galaxy. They created many races or augmented many existing ones (leaving [[human|humanity]] alone) and generally showed off. Oh yeah, and they are speculated to have been immortal [[lizardmen|lizards]].

[[Grimdark|The Necrontyr met the Old Ones and quickly grew to resent their neighbors, loathing how long their lifespans were by comparison. Resentment grew into bitter jealousy and finally all-consuming hatred. The Old Ones were indeed much stronger and repelled Necrontyr assault after assault until the race was clinging to the edge of the galaxy and their lives]].

The Necrontyr finally encountered and allied with a force known as the C'tan who were beings with immense power over the corporeal world. The realm of the Warp, which the Old Ones used extensively, was anathema to them, and they sought nothing less than the total separation of the real world from the Maelstrom.

The Necrontyr bargained with the C'tan known as the Deceiver (but only the other C'tan called it that) for eternal life. [[Just As Planned|The Necrontyr knew him as Mephet'ran ("The Messenger")]] because no one in their right mind would actually trust a guy named the Deceiver. The Deceiver promised the living Necrontyr race immortality and fun times if they would sacrifice their bodies to the gods to be replaced with metallic goodness, made from a very durable and self-repairing material called Necrodermis. Some of the Necrontyr agreed to the Deceiver's terms [[Reasonable Marines|but most of them doubted it was a good idea]]. Using its talent for trickery, [[Grimdark|the Deceiver lured the doubters into the clutches of its followers and forced them to become Necrons before robotizing its followers]]. The race had their souls ripped out of their collective urethrae, replacing the Necrontyr with the skeletal bodies of the Necrons.

War breaks out between the Necrons and the Old Ones. The Old Ones get their asses soundly beat over and over again and created new races (lol, [[Ork|Krork]]) to defend themselves with. Oh, and by using the Warp as a weapon they turned it into the [[warp|fun place we all know and love]]. At this point the old Necron fluff and new stuff begins to diverge a bit. Old fluff says the [[Eldar]] were created by the old Ones directly but new fluff simply says that the Eldar and Old Ones were allies in the war against the Necrons. It doesn't specifically say the Eldar were created by the Old Ones although the new background is worded in such a way as to make both interpretations plausible.

Anyway, after the Old Ones strategy of cranking out race after race to be used as cannon fodder backfired when an Enslaver Plague rolled around, the C'tan go on a feast of galactic proportions. During this time they even start killing and eating each other until there are only four left (The Void Dragon, The Outsider, The Nightbringer and The Deceiver). It isn't until they realize that the food (read EVERYTHING!) is dying out that they decide to go to sleep for 60 million years 'till the scrumptious morsels known as EVERYTHING regrew.

In present time, the Necrons spend most of their time killing anything with a pulse and generally hating anything living including bacteria. Their main objective was to use their advanced technology to close or seal off the Eye of Terror, drive back the 'Nids, and turn the living races into a never-ending all-you-can-eat buffet for the remaining C'tan. They are the goth craze if you dipped them in liquid hate and injected them with 400% of your daily allotment of cheese.

In essence, OldCron fluff basically makes them "Evil Order" as opposed to the "Evil Chaos" of, well, Chaos. Or "Metal Tyranids" because of the emotionless mass os silver that represents their armies (with guys like [[Dawn of War|Thomas Macabee]] being more of an exception than a rule).

==The New Fluff - Space Egyptians==
[[File:Necron reboot.jpg|300px|right|thumb|"Dude, what did we ''do'' last aeon?"]]

===Summary===

This new incarnation, love it or hate it, gives the Necrons a whole wide array of personality and every single empire has different goals and motives, not to mention paint schemes, markings, etc. Basically, the original fluff was changed in order to make them more like an actual empire with unique sub-factions and [[Trazyn the Infinite|interesting characters]] as opposed to another [[Tyranid|faceless blob of monsters]] out to [[Chaos|DESTROY ALL LIFE IN THE GALAXY IN THE NAME OF DARK GODS]] - which, due to poor writing, works just like any other empire made out of meat, instead of reflecting the narrative opportunities available to a race of robots[http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Unimatrix_Zero]. The crazy fun part of this is if you still want to play a silent legion of implacable, unfathomable terror-bots in the thrall of an insane god, you totally can. The new fluff allows for players to [[your dudes|fluff their army as they see fit]] as anything from a [[Nemesor Zandrekh|noble, honorable warrior kingdom]] open to trade and diplomacy with other species to unthinking hordes of omnicidal machines in the thrall of a malevolent computer system. You can even have a legion of the old-school C'tan-worshipping harvestcrons that have either been enslaved or have willingly taken to worshipping an awakened C'tan Shard. Shit, for all the new fluff cares your army can be a horde of Necrons afflicted with the Flayer Curse who long to have their [[brundlepenis|dicks]] back and run around [[/d/|stealing the dongs of the lesser races]] so they can [[rule 34|hump each other]] whilst their Lord sheds manly tears as he beholds the terrible plight of his people.

[[Forge World]] created the [[Maynarkh Dynasty]] to give an example of a perfectly fluff-valid dynasty that was culturally similar to Oldcrons (well, the "kill everything!" and "dark horror from the deep past" aspects of them, at least).

And as for totally destroying the background of the C'Tan, the codex does allude to the fact that there are lots of unaccounted for C'Tan shards (or maybe even yet unshattered C'tan?) still allegedly scattered around the galaxy. The Necron are always trying to hunt them down and imprison them (in pocket dimension prisons), but this does still leave the door totally wide open for a shard of 'The Dragon' to be on Mars and for shards of 'The Deceiver' to have done all the crazy things that have been written about him in novels. Essentially, the full C'Tan were massively, massively powerful and the 'shard' versions of them are now a lot more manageable. And of course, as everyone knows, the Outsider is still on his extra-galactic camping trip, totally whole and crying over [[meme|WHAAAAAT HEEE'S DOOONNE!!!]].

===Beginning===

The Necrontyr's empire was massive at one point, but the different Lords in the galaxy-wide dominion started to turn against each other in civil war. To prevent this from happening, the overall ruler of the Necrontyr (the Silent King) started the war against the [[Old Ones]] specifically to give them a common enemy to fight against to prevent his people from destroying themselves in their own general stupidity. Of course, the Old Ones ended up kicking their butts and in desperation the Silent King allied with the C'tan (who had been attracted to the pure hate and rage the Necrontyr held for the Old Ones, a common enemy of the C'tan) and agreed to the Deceiver's pact to give them shiny new immortal bodies without realizing what he was doing. The devious Star God had in fact tricked the Necrontyr into giving up their mortal bodies and souls so that he and his god friends could gorge themselves on their tasty ass-meats. After consuming THE ENTIRE Necrontyr race the C'tan were pretty much the equivalent of Superman crossed with a level 9001 Super Sayian Goku and so were basically able to hand the Old Ones their collective asses. However, after the Necrons helped the C'tan kill off the last Old Ones and while the C'tan were recuperating, the Silent King then ordered the Necrons to turn on the C'tan in vengeance. Caught by surprise,the C'tan were defeated and shattered into thousands of shards which the Necrons imprisoned for [[rape|later use]]. At this point the galaxy was basically a smoldering ruin, the Necrons were severely depleted from their endless wars, and the Eldar were reaching the height of their power. The Silent King ordered the Necrons to sleep for millions of years in order to hide from the Eldar and re-awaken at a time when the galaxy had both recovered and forgotten about them. The Silent King's final order to his people was that following the Great Sleep they must reclaim their old empire and return it to its former glory (A role he left his Triarch Praetorians to cover later). Following this, he left the galaxy in shame for failing his people.

===Present Warhammer 40k===
[[File:Necrons-eldar.png|300px|right|thumb|This is literally what the Necrons have become.]]
Now that the Necrons have reawakened in the 41st millennium their goal is no longer to 'harvest' souls for the C'tan (the C'tan shards are now their slaves) as it was in the old book, but rather to reestablish the great Necron empire that spanned the galaxy before the war with the Old Ones began. What this exactly means is left to the interpretation of each Overlord. The overall unity of the Necron people is gone for the most part leaving each individual Dynasties to once again rule for themselves. While Necron warriors are pretty much just automatons and Immortals are not much better, the majority of the upper echelon of Necron society retain some degree of personality.

So there is lots of crazy nuance to Necron culture that was never present before. There are now lots of memorable quotes from Necron Lords. There are Necron Lords who honor valor in battle, Necron Lords who are obsessed with finding the perfect flesh bodies to transfer their sentience back into, and a Necron Lord who acts and commands its people like true robots due to damage to their Tomb World among others. The Silent King, who left the galaxy after defeating the C'tan (basically exiling himself for the unforgivable crime of allowing the C'tan to remove the souls of his people), encountered the Tyranids in the void between galaxies and has returned to spur the Necrons into action against the Bugs. The Silent King realized that if the Tyranids wipe the galaxy clean of biological matter then the Necrons will never find a form to transfer their minds back into. There are even a few Necron Lords who even work or trade with other races. However, such as with all the factions of 40k this is rare. (Yes, Necrons and Blood Angels did end up fighting against a Tyranid Hive Fleet together. Twice.). Really, every dynasty can be different, so just have fun coming up with your own.

Oh, and there is definitely plenty of reason to have Necron vs. Necron action now (as the old feuds between competing Necron Lords flare back up again).

===Regarding Fluff Change - Sore Butts Everywhere.===

[[File:Releasethectan.jpg|200px|thumb|left|[[Pokemon|Deceiver, I choose you!]]]]

It is widely conceded that the worst loss was the removal of Pariahs which were universally agreed to be one of the coolest and scariest aspects of the Necrons, something that really made them stand out (even if they weren't that great on the tabletop)(they were bad ass on the table top but over priced and no we'll be back roll). The Pariahs' origins were a great way to show an outsider's perspective of the Necrons (They're humans or other fleshy things who get forcibly turned into Necrons) and something that Thomas Macabee in Dark Crusade just made so incredibly badass. It would also fit perfectly into the new fluff showing the success in combining the Necrons and living to create a new life form. But there is good news. Hammer & Anvil more or less confirmed that Pariahs are still canon in a way. They are just experiments done by bored Crypteks, and the 7E 'dex in particular has a story where [[Illuminor Szeras]] decides to kidnap a fucking [[Culexus]] Assassin and use it to research the Pariah Gene. And really this loss was by no means required for this change in fluff, in fact Pariahs make even more sense with this fluff than they did in the old.

<strike>In any case, the Warhammer 40k galaxy already has a pantheon of four asshole gods, plus 'two other asshole gods, {{BLAM|KRUMP!}} '''ZOG YERSELF, GROT!''' so who gives a shit if the C'tan wannabes got turned into legendary pokemon?</strike> {{BLAM|SNICK!}} '''The dead claim you all, fleshlings!'''

There was also the matter of their alliance with the [[Blood Angels]] that made everyone break into sperglord rage. See, Matt Ward was trying to ready the Necrons for their soon-to-come fluff revision where they went from a mindless army to a proper empire with actual politics. If Ward had actually written the Angel/Cron alliance ''properly'', i.e. making it clear the alliance was one made of desperation than any really attempts to be friendly, and the Silent King really just wanted to play [[Dante]] as a fool and leave him for dead after the battle (as was made clear in later Black Library publications, see list below), it would have passed quietly and we wouldn't have /tg/ being drama queens as usual.

There's also the "Shield of Baal" campaign where [[Anrakyr the Traveller]] decides to assist the Blood Angels, their successors, and some other Imperials with their Tyranid infestation by using a strange piece of Necron Archaeotech that got powered by a C'tan shard to the point of overloading so hard that the resulting radiation nearly killed everyone present.

So really, now the Necrons have become their playstyle: An army of metallic trolls.

== Game Play ==

[[File:Lord.jpg|300px|right|thumb|A mountain of metal, green glow and rape.]]

Necrons have strong weaponry, high toughness, but generally very little mobility. They're also expensive as hell in points.
=== Pre 5th edition Codex ===

Pre-5th edition, the Necrons competitively were monobuild to all hell. Depending on what they were up against they would be THE virtually unstoppable shooty army, or easily countered. Essentially this came down to whether or not you had enough hard counters to heavy infantry. If you didn't, you'd get the infamous "March of Doom", which was basically a non-stop forward march of Necron Warriors, Immortals, and Destroyers to flatten the table. The Necrons' innate WBB (We'll Be Back) rolls ensured that the March was fuckhard to stop, especially in tandem with Resurrection Orbs, Pylons, Monoliths, and some of the cheesier Necron formations, since the tin-men had a very good chance of getting back up after being downed.

If you did have a counter to Heavy Infantry, you'd quickly crush the Necron infantry while ignoring the extremely resilient units like Monoliths and cause the Nercon survivors to Phase Out, which means the Necron Player will auto-lose should their forces go down to 25% of the starting numbers.

Necron were also severely nerfed in the start of ''5th Edition'', due to vehicles being a bit more sturdy. In the previous edition, they could potentially destroy any enemy (including heavy vehicles) with just their default troops choice - Gauss weaponry inflicts glancing hits against vehicles on a roll of 6. Necron Warriors dispatching [[Land Raider]]s or [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Leman Russ Tanks]] with these glancing hits was ''not'' unheard of, causing many veterans of 40K tabletop to rightly declare the Necrons to be [[Cheese]].

=== 5th and 6th Edition ===

[[File:Black crusade by yogh art-d5bqzc8.jpg|thumb|400px|left|Egyptians vs Egyptians: One are slaves to an [[Tzeentch|evil God]], other are [[C'tan|slaving evil Gods]].]]

In 5th Edition, due to the new Armour Penetration rules, Necron Warriors could still harass, stun-lock, and annoy all vehicles, but were much less able to gun down a heavy like a Predator Tank or [[Vindicator]] with simple massed Warrior fire, to the delight of non-Necron players everywhere. Massed fire from Necron Warriors ''can'' still kill a heavy vehicle, but it will take a veritable barrage of shots to do so now, making it a bit less likely that players can spam the shit out of warrior squads and come away triumphant. A smart NewCron player learns to not over-rely on Warriors now, using backup from a mix of Scarabs, Doomsday Arks, Barge Lords, Wraiths, and Harbingers of Destruction in order to pack quality anti-vehicle options.

However in 6th (due to 6th Edition's change with rapid fire rule and vehicle hull points), Necrons are back to fucking tanks in the junk. Yes, a block of 20 Necron Warriors will wreck a Land Raider in one turn, hands down, every day of the week, though they need to be within 12" for that to happen so they can rapid fire it (otherwise it only loses 2 Hull Points), and if you are that fucking stupid (12" is melta range for everyone else) you are going to lose your Raider regardless of who you are playing against.

[[Image:1227797058418.jpg|thumb|right|''5th Edition'' wrecked their shit.]]

The Necrons in 6th are still a very powerful and dangerous force. Due to VERY limited flier defence and being able to take fliers as dedicated transports, their fliers ended up being insanely overpowered (though once everyone got reasonable AA defence that wasn't an issue) and thanks to the overall buff to shooting, the Necrons are very high tier in codex power.

Now the Necron army is all about synergy, with Overlords, Lords and Crypteks strategically placed in shooty units, and melee options like Lychguard and the infuriatingly tough-to-kill Wraiths. They also have somewhat useful Monstrous Creatures of sorts in the form of Canoptek Spyders and C'tan Shards.

Necron warriors are fairly reliable troops with near-Marine stats and a 4+ save, though they essentially have a delayed 5+ Feel No Pain Save with their "'''Reanimation Protocols'''" rule (4+ with a Resurrection Orb in the unit). Immortals are pretty much Space Marine equivalents.

The infamous [[Monolith]] is easily the most recognizable unit that the Necrons possess. It has 14 armour on each side (and thus no vulnerable spots), a main weapon that cannot be disabled with a "weapon destroyed" result and the ability to teleport your troops out of harm's way (or into it if you're badass). The Monolith is no longer the nigh invulnerable mountain of rape it used to be, as it can no longer ignore the Melta special rule, and the Monolith's combat performance is outstripped by several of their new vehicles. This means the once proud 'Lith has been relegated to Apocalypse battles. Good job, Matt Ward.

Necron infantry are generally slow moving, hard hitting, much like the Space Marines, if the Space Marine infantry units had Feel No Pain as part of their base rules and they forgot to take drop pods or transport vehicles. The Necrons back this with annoying deep-strikers and fast-moving units that are designed to support the main advance. There is nothing - I repeat - NOTHING, scarier than a Necron player with almost-cheating luck. But they all look like skellingtons and some of them wear the meat of their victims, they're MEANT to be scary.

===7th Edition===
The first thing people noticed about 7E is the Necrons got back their amazing glancing powers with Gauss. This causes squees among the playerbase. (If gauss weapons were this effective in X-COM: Terror From the Deep, players would be tugging themselves off about them.)

The other big change to their army is the changes made to the Reanimation Protocols (RP). Now instead of being a means of bringing everything back from the dead, it's reduced to a FNP-alike that comes after all armor saves, except it can be used against ID (Though at -1 penalty). Resurrection Orbs now give you a turn's worth of rerolls for RP. Taking a postmark identity from a once cool army a revealing the Inquisitions plan all along to destroy the necrons by giving them a personality, destroying the Star Gods and when nobody is looking taking away the we'll be back. There are some other changes (MSS now useless, Wraiths now Beasts,<s> Crypteks losing everything fun</s>, Destroyers are Jetpack Infantry), but these are the ones that changed the most.

But the single most trolltastic weapon the Necron player has on hand is the one that doesn't even involve buying a central unit: The Decurion FOC. Simply put, this is an entire formation made of Formations, with a central one giving room for warriors, Immortals, Tomb Blades, Monolith, and a central Overlord, while giving options like the good ol' Royal Court, a formation for Canoptek-flavored cheese, a formation for Triarchs, and all be counted as Battle-Forged. The biggest change this brought was that, due to each individual component being technically a formation in it's own right, this lets you field some hilariously broken shit and still counts as battleforged; want to take nothing but wraiths and spyders backed by doomscythes? now you can and watch your opponent tears flow like the nile.

== How to Fight (and play) the Necrons ==

[[File:Hitler hates the Necrons.jpg|350px|right|thumb|Hitler doesn't know how to counter his ol' pal Churchill's Necrons with his Imperial Guard. Maybe because he insists on using tanks.]]

If you want real in-depth strategies, take a gander at [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Necrons|the Tactica]]. This is just an overview about some of the ways Trollcrons can be cheese.

Too many people whine about how broken this faction is, so I'm just going to leave this here.

Necron troops tend to be effective engaging from maximum range. Deployed in large hordes Necron Warriors are perhaps the single hardest basic troops to shift in the entire game. Only the heaviest fusillades or the very worst luck can wipe them out. Hearing such squads survive round after round after round of small arms fire is far from unusual. When you find yourself facing such a gunline, focus your fire to bring down a group at a time, ensuring it's completely gone, or close to melee range. Immortals are more expensive, but less numerous: focus your fire on their smaller squads, making sure to finish the squad. Pay careful attention to which weapon they're carrying: Gauss Blasters are AP4 Rapid Fire (better at medium range and against vehicles or your 4+ infantry), while Tesla Carbines are AP- assault (better at further range against blobs where the AP- doesn't mean shit when you're chaining up Tesla hits).

[[File:A Silent King.jpg|300px|thumb|left|Quick, pretend to be a statue and he might just think you're a suit of armor. If that doesn't work, <s>run like hell</s> just outwalk it. But don't let him shank your chaos-worshipping ass with his Staff O'Doom.]]

The HQs on this faction tend to be bad news up close (Overlords, Trazyn), support engines (Imotekh, Zahndrekk, Szeras, the crypteks), or both (Anrakyr, Obyron, Orikan). They're quite strong, and often pack S7 AP2 Armorbane weapons called Warscythes. If your idea of winning melee is hitting a group with a bunch of cultists and one CSM lord, you might want to reconsider it, as a Necron Overlord with just a warscythe has decent odds of killing your warlord and mopping up the melee. Instead, target the unescorted units with no HQs, crypteks, or regular lords. Necron Warriors and Immortals usually won't charge out to meet you, so don't worry too much about their counter-charge unless you see Wraiths, Lychguard, Praetorians, or Anrakyr across the field, in which case stay the '''hell''' out of the way unless you're sure you want that fight. When you see a Cryptek in a group of warriors, assume he's got something nasty, and ask what it is. He's likely a high-priority target, but only if you can pick him out from his escort (precision shots are your friends here). Don't be afraid to get into melee with a Cryptek, as most of them are meat there. Challenge them out and go to town.

Necron Elites are a mixed bag, typically filling gaps in the primary lineup. Triarch Stalkers are high-priority targets, as they support and amplify the already formidible Necron shooting phase. [[Tarpit]] them, or employ maximum-power weapons to take advantage of their open-topped stat-line. Deathmarks drop onto the field and annihilate singular targets or pick off specialists with sniper salvos that wound on a 2+ when they arrive. Spread your squads out to make deep-striking hazardous, and be prepared to charge into melee with the deathmarks when they arrive. Better yet, try to refrain from reserves and make their purchase useless. Lychguard aren't all they're cracked up to be: they're melee killers with T5, AP 2 or 3 weapons, and two attacks base. Combat them with overwhelming numbers, or AP3 blast weapons (a Leman Russ Battle Tank can recoup its cost in one shot against a group of lychguard). C'tan shards are very expensive pokemon with a few randomized powers (Yeah, where most races have psykers to waste cards on, you waste cards on C'tan powers you roll each turn you fire). You'll rarely see a Praetorian on the tabletop, but they're jump-assaulting elite fighters held back by the same terrible initiative all the Necrons have. Don't be too worried, they're easily swarmed or shot down by AP3 or better weapons. Their incredibly specific niche is 2+ troops with unwieldy weapons and no invulnerable saves, which they'll roll pretty easily. Sadly for you, flayed ones are now not shit, especially against 5+ stuff like guard. Target them just like you do Necron Warriors, and try not to enter melee until you're sure you'll win.

Most of the really scary toys in the Necron lineup come from Fast Attack. Scarabs are swarms of T3 monsters that turn vehicles into mulch. If you have vehicles, these are priority one targets, even over things like Lychguard or Heavy Destroyers. They're swift and will routinely kill a Leman Russ in one round with only one or two bases. Utilize high-strength and/or blast weapons (If you've got both, even better). Destroyers are quick elite-infantry or vehicle killers. Both kinds have Preferred Enemy (everything!), so they're great at fighting marines (for the regular destroyers) or terminators/vehicles (for the heavy type). Their weakness is small squads: prioritize these with autocannons or other moderate-strength weapons. Tomb Blades aren't particularly worrying for their cost: engage with small arms and prioritize them below most other targets. Wraiths are fearsome fighters: as Beasts with two wounds, and 3++ makes them hard to stop while S6, A3, and rending mean you cannot afford to ignore them. Try to stall their approach, and overwhelm them with a hail of lighter gunfire. Don't try to flatten the whole group with a battle cannon shot the way you do Necron Warriors, as they'll save out and keep moving (fearless). Unlike most Necron units these can't reanimate unless in a Canoptek Harvest Formation, so you can safely grind them down with bolters, lasguns, or other light weapons.

Necron heavy supports are tenacious, but most follow the 'shielded, open-topped AV11' archetype, like the Annihilation Barge and the Ghost Ark. Target vehicles like this by focusing high-strength weapons on them to crack their shields. Don't screw around here: if you don't have S8+ weapons, don't even bother. Autocannons would be better spent putting down more vulnerable targets. Once their shields are down bring out the rest of your more moderate weapons to finish the job. Shields don't grow back, but Necron units can shrug off shaken and stunned results, so just like you'd finish off warrior groups make sure you finish off Barges and Arks. These things come in several flavors: Ghost Arks rebuild Warriors (and only warriors, not Immortals), Doomsday Arks fire S10 AP1 large blasts if still, or S8 AP3 small blasts if they moved, Annihilation Barges spew autocannon-esque lightning, and Catacomb Command Barges fly a Lord around the battle cutting people up. Canoptek Spyders are tough, cheap monstrous critters with T6, 3+, and W3. If your foe fields a set of scarabs look for the spyders behind them: those spyders can build more scarabs as long as you haven't wiped out the whole scarab swarm. They're tough to crack: at T6 they're extremely hard to swarm down. Try to keep them at range and leverage your best anti-tank weapons. The Monolith deserves special mention, with all-round AV14. If you don't have meltas, lances, or other really good anti-armor weapons just ignore them: they hardly care about any vehicle damage table results except Explodes, and their offense isn't impressive for their cost. Try to spread out to make their teleportation fail, as for no adequately-explained reason they are completely susceptible to deep-strike failures.

Necron fliers were the shit just after 6th edition came out. All of a sudden their reasonably effective fast skimmers became seriously difficult to slay, and kept all of their abilities. As it stands today most serious armies bring anti-air as a matter of course, and if you do as well you should be in good shape to hold off the <s>Croissants</s> Scythes. Both Night <s>Croissants</s> Scythes (a flying dedicated transport) and Death <s>Croissants</s> Scythes (a tank-shredding air-to-ground fighter) are very fairly cost-effective for their weapons and have AV 11. Neither one should be ignored: a Night Scythe can deposit its infantry payload without slowing to a hover, the twin tesla-destructors on either aircraft are excellent at anti-air and anti-ground alike, and the Death Scythe's Death Ray ([[awesome|yes, that's what it's called]]) is one of the most effective tank-killers outside of Apocalypse. If you find yourself facing a large group of these without solid anti-air you may be in serious trouble: run for cover and turn everything S6+ you've got skyward. Part of the controversy about these fliers seems to be the cash-grab surrounding their concept, as all the best anti-air weapons are new models or fliers themselves (or both). In all fairness, if your opponent does field six or eight scythes in a regular army without warning you beforehand... he'll probably win. Please don't be [[that guy]]. If you do find yourself playing against [[that guy]], prioritize the Doom Scythes first and fire everything you've got. They're much more dangerous to your ground-based anti-air, and if you can't suppress them with vehicle damage table results you're likely to lose the ability to retaliate within a round or two.

Thanks to IA12 and the recent 7th Ed Flyer rules, Necrons have the most broken aerial assault units in the fucking game. Enter the Nightshroud Bomber. This bastard can drop a Strength 10 AP 1 pie plate on whatever you don't like, and it's a goddamn ''bomber''. So that shit happens before your opponent even gets a chance to intercept. And with 12/12/12 armour and 4 fucking hull points, it is very unlikely that they will even be able to do that.

Hey Space Marines players, you call those Terminators? Let's take them to school (one bomb later) there they go, motherfuckers! Send it in with a couple (of dozen) Doom Scythes and let the rape begin!

==In Battlefleet Gothic==

[[File:Tomb Forever.jpg|370px|right|thumb|The egyptians build the pyramids to get closer to the gods. The Necrons already got to their gods, used them to their own advantage and killed them. They build their pyramids because why not.]]
They are still totally fucking overpowered in [[Battlefleet Gothic]] though; their cruisers can crush many other race's battleships without much trouble. Although with the discontinuation of BFG by GW, the number of Necron fleets available for sale is now finite and thus the number of assholes who play them. Moving on!

==In Roleplay==
Necrons are the ultimate Bad News, any Master can (and would) drop on his party if it get overconfident, forcing even high level Deathwatch and Chaos Marines to shit their power pants, as 'Crons combine near-marine power level with numbers and determination.

==Reasons to be a Necron==

* You look like fabulously gaudy gilded Space Egyptian Robot.
* You are already dead and nigh-indestructible, so only entertainment matters.
* You have lots of dakka. Still doesn't match Imperial Artillery and [[Tau|Happy Campers]] though.
* You have lots of cheese and quirky rules with which to infuriate your opponent. Praise the [[Spiritual Liege]]!
* [[Cronssant]]s, bitches! Between this and all the teleporting units, you can be more mobile than the fucking Dark Eldar.
* You are <strike>arguably</strike> the most technologically advanced race in the history of 40K.
* You have one of the [[Trazyn| best canonical trolls]] of the whole 40k franchise.
* Egyptian mummy robots playing space chess: Minimum [[Grimdark]], maximum fun!
* Your color scheme is Black and Green, and we know [[Ork| how awesome those color schemes are]].
* To those who say there's no sex. [[Slaanesh|If you're into that sort of thing]], remember, aren't we Necrons robots with hyper advanced tech? Cant we make robot dicks for ourselves? That don't need a 'down time', 'go limp' or get 'premature'?
* The new canon gives you virtually limitless chances to create your own [[Phaeron]] and give it [[Your dudes|whatever kind of quirks you may like]].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIj7gIDFDe4 Remember how awesome General Grievous was the first time he appeared?] That's how Necron Overlords fight in fluff, up to the point they could bring low heavyweights like [[Cato Sicarius]], or 2 CSM Lords in Terminator Armour and their retinue at ''the same time'' if "Fall of Damnos" or the [[Word Bearers]] novels are any indication.
* Remember when Bender from ''Futurama'' was a Pharaoh, yep that's pretty much how Overlords are now.
* You have literal star gods as pets. STAR GODS. Praise the [[Spiritual Liege]]!

==Reasons to NOT be a Necron==
* You're not Grimdark Machine Death March of Doom anymore.
** Well, maybe you are, depending on what Phaeron you serve. The Silent King's wimpy "let's all turn back into squishy mortals" whining only affects about half the Necrons.
* You will be highly hated due to the amount of cheese in your units. Though this [[Grey Knights|does]] have an [[Tau|allure]] of its own.
* [[Matt Ward|The Unholy Beast]] has handled your race with his touch. Although to your credit, the fluff isn't [[Grey Knights|Ward Knights]]-tier terrible. At least we got Pokémon out of the deal. Right, guys? ... Guys?
* You cannot differentiate the wimminz and the manz, so you will accept the risks.
** Unless you want to bang your leaders. Phaeron is the title for male Necrons, Phaerakh is the title for female Necrons.
*Thanks to [[Matt Ward|The Great Beast]] you can't be friends with Thomas Macabee anymore.
* If you're an Oldcrons fan, you're never quite going to get the army you want because the C'tan have been glorified Pokémon for two whole editions and there's no signs of going back to the old fluff.

==Novels and stories featuring the Necrons==
Here is a list with a small synopsis of publications by [[Black Library]] and GeeDubs which feature them, '''before you start adding, remember, Necrons must not only be mentioned, but actually appear in the story,''' feel free to add new items and follow the alphabetic order:
*'''Ambition Knows No Bounds:''' Rogue Trader trying to plunder a Necron Tomb World.
*'''But Dust in the Wind:''' Imperial Fists vs Necrons, enuff said!
*'''Cain's Last Stand:''' Chronologically the last novel of Commissar [[Ciaphas Cain]], the Necrons appear later in the novel.
*'''Caves of Ice:''' Cain and the Valhallan 597th are sent to an ice planet to defend a refinery from an ork horde, but an ugly surprise awaits below the installations.
*'''Cold Steel:''' renegade imperial guard attempts to escape penal moon while there is a three-side war between the 'crons, space marines and khornates, featuring a [[Tesseract Vault]].
*'''Damnos:''' Ultramarines vs Necrons, features some Necrons POV, as well as the Ultramarines commanded by Cato Sicarius, if you don't like the Ultramarines, this may be the novel for you!
*'''Dark Creed:''' Word Bearers vs Astartes Praeses, the Necrons come in the later part of the novel, a great portrayal of how they are actually totally scary and overpowered.
*'''Dead Men Walking:''' Death-korps of Krieg vs Necrons, the novel has an extremely grim tone as it puts a lot of focus on the civilians caught in the campaign, and shows a lot of Krieg jerkassery, don't get too attached to any of the main characters and no Krieg-chan for you!
*'''Echoes of the Tomb''': One of the earliest novels of Ciaphas Cain, and the origin of his fear of the Necrons.
*'''Hammer & Anvil:''' Sisters of Battle get slaughtered by the necrons and... wait! Are they fighting back? And they are actually competent? quite a nice read and gives the Sisters a lot of street creed back.
*'''Imperial Armour Volume Twelve - The Fall of Orpheus:''' a Forgeworld book about the totally badass and horrifying [[Maynarkh Dynasty]] vs the Minotaurs and the Death-Korps of Krieg, overall an extremely cool, if expensive, book.
*'''Infinite Circuit:''' A small story about a Cult Mechanicus procession getting their hands on a C'tan shard and the Deathwatch paying a visit to see what's going on.
*'''Nightbringer:''' Ultramarines vs Dark Eldar and Human traitors rushing to get to the crypt of the [[Nightbringer]], or perhaps it's just a shard.
*'''Shield of Baal: Devourer:''' Necrons POV! Featuring Anrakyr the Traveler trying to seize a tomb-world and some Necron dynasty nobles trying to flee a Flayed-Ones overran crypt-complex, also, Blood Angels and Tyranids.
*'''Shield of Baal: Exterminatus:''' campaign book featuring Anrakyr and the Mephrit Dynasty, teaming up with the Imperium to contain Hivefleet Leviathan, minimun oldcrons, maximun newcrons acting like Tomb Kings in space.
*'''Spear of Macragge:''' Ultramarines tanks vs Necrons, as well as some Ultramarines internal politicking.
*'''The Lords of Borsis:''' The preview for the World-Engine novel, featuring a Necron coup d'etat.
*'''The Word of the Silent King:''' The Silent King himself dealing with the Blood Angels, it seems the old Necron monarch has been acquaintances with Sanguinius himself.
*'''The World Engine:''' also known as <s>one of</s> the coolest Space Marines novel ever, it narrates the fight between the Astral Knights and the Necron dynasty from Borsis, if you liked the entry in the Codex, go for it!

==See Also==

* [[Tomb Kings]] and [[Vampire Counts]] for their [[Warhammer Fantasy]] equivalents (fun fact: both armies used to be one single Undead army full of mysterious motives and EVULZ, and as such the current state of Necrons is more of a step back to roots than being outright "new").
* [[Assholetep]] - A Necron Overlord of insufferable dickheadedness
* Lolcron, a popular Necron [[drawfag]].
* [[False Immortality]]
* [[Heavy-chan]]
* [[Lolicron]]
* [[Lovecron]]
* [[Papalith]]
* [[Shanako]]
* [[Imotekh the Stormlord]] - The de facto most powerful Necron ever.
* [[Silent King]] - THE most powerful Necron ever.
* [[Nemesor Zandrekh]], known for being both a total bro and completely senile.
* [[Thri-Kreen Erotica|Trazyn the--]] Goddamn it! That link was a fake! Curse you [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trollzyn]]!!!!
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q2e8lnqwwk Their theme from Dawn of War].
* [[Æonic Orb]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:1228731983317.jpg|Suddenly, Monoliths just got even more awesome.
Image:1204274003601.jpg|[[Angry Marines]] can really fuck your shit up.
Image:1208121844297.jpg|Necron players are well-known for their carefully planned tactics of "[[Wallhammer|move-shoot-move-shoot]]".
Image:1208122137113.jpg|Thanks to Matt Ward this is now canon. Give thanks to our spiritual liege for Thaszar the Invincible!
Image:274.jpg|IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE 41ST MILLENNIUM, THE ARGUMENT STILL RAGES
Image:1208122702531.jpg|Here we see the humble [[Drawfag|Lolcron]], irritably drawing away.
Image:1229675685738.jpg|
Image:Lolicron05.jpg|Lolcron and lolicron - know the difference! Ya, ones a sex doll... Still tap dat ass though!
Image:Necron_by_Android_Arts.jpg
Image:591.jpg|
Image:Thrillercrons.jpg|''The funk of 40,000 years.''
Image:Nodrawtoday.jpg|[[Drawfag|Lolcron]] is a lazy bum these days.
Image:lolcrontroll.jpg|Necron update 2011 in a nutshell.
File:Pariah Lee.jpg|The Necron's ace in the hole.
Image:Lolcron1.jpg|Damn space commies.
Image:Lolcron2.jpg|''Goddamnit.''
File:1304191380926.jpg|Ah, the early weakling 5th-ed + OP 7th-ed buddies.
Image:Taucronxeno .jpg|This is what we call a xeno double-down.
Image:Monolith song.jpg|Monoliths are known to inspire great songs.
Image:StupidSexyFlayed.jpg|Flayed Ones are adept at finding ways to maintain a nice figure.
File:Stormlord.jpg|Phaeron Imotekh in all his egotistic glory.
Image:Necron_motivator.JPG
File:Shenanigans.jpg
File:Necron skeleton.PNG| [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2rwxs1gH9w| Spooky Scary Necrons, send shivers down your spine]]
File:Rising.jpg| Hmmmm....What is taking Ol'Zandrekh so them long for our Necron flaying party?
File:245433.jpg|C'tan-chan will suck your soul out through your urethra and she won't even touch your dick.
File:Necron-characters.jpg|Go, Go, Necron Rangers...
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy.PNG| Necrons in the galaxy
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy segmentum solar.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Segmentum_Solar|Segmentum Solar]]
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy segmentum obscurus.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Segmentum_Obscurus|Segmentum Obscurus]]
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy segmentum tempestus.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Segmentum_Tempestus|Segmentum Tempestus]] ‎
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy ultima segmentum.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Ultima_Segmentum|Northern Ultima Segmentum]] ‎
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy ultima segmentum 2.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Ultima_Segmentum|Southern Ultima Segmentum]] ‎
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy segmentum pacificus.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Segmentum_Pacificus|Segmentum Pacificus]]
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy sautekh.PNG| Territory of the [[Imotekh the Stormlord|Sautekh Dynasty]]
</gallery></center>

{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Necrons]]

Tau

2016-10-29T15:27:04Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

[[Image:TAUSYMBOL.gif|center]]
[[File:9jfnqeaplhexx.jpg|right|thumb|450px|Get the fuck out of the way, [[Imperium|Oldfag]].]]
:''"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."'' 
:- [[C.S. Lewis]]

:''"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"'' 
: - Luke 6:41

Tau (τ) is the 19th letter of the Greek alphabet, 300 in Greek numerals, and also the name for 2π.

However, this article is about the '''Tau''' (or "bluies", as the Valhallan 597th call them), a playable race in ''[[Warhammer 40,000]]''. When first discovered by humanity, the Tau were a barbaric and primitive people. Their planet was then trapped in a warp storm for a few thousand years and they emerged from the other side as a unified species, led by the [[Druids|mysterious]] Ethereal caste and devoted to the concept of the "[[Greater Good]]". Their new empire currently has around 115 worlds, and was growing until recently, when the Imperium sent a large invading force to counter them. Although a dystopian society in its own right, the Tau Empire is noted for being one of the LEAST awful places in all the galaxy of 40k. It's also [[Derp|not really an empire]]; the Tau government, the Ethereal caste, is essentially an edifice of meritocracy and nepotism-Tau leaders are appointed to their position by even higher ranking leaders and/or a council of their future peers; the highest ranking Tau, the Aun'O, is selected by his future underlings, much like the Catholic pope, but is still simply considered the weightiest voice of a group (like a prime minister), not an Emperor with absolute power. While Tau civilization has the behavioral tendencies of many empires throughout history (expansionism, military conquest of weaker states, forcible integration of the conquered peoples, etc.), it is the government structure of a state that makes it an empire, not foreign policies. Essentially, they are ''imperialist,'' but not an ''empire.''

The Tau started as a classic case of successful design-based [[Troll|trolling]] on the part of [[Games Workshop]]. They were originally developed because GW felt that their setting needed an optimistic race and that their wallets needed more money, which they could get by selling shedloads of 40k to the robot-obsessed Japanese. The Tau, therefore, are the least [[grimdark]] faction in the game; [[Tau Diplomacy|they're the dudes willing to negotiate when they've beaten their enemies]], while all the others are either too [[Chaos Space Marines| murderously psychotic in ways incomprehensible to anyone who does not share the same batshit insanity]], [[Imperium|religiously overzealous]], [[Eldar|arrogantly indifferent]], [[Orks|simplemindedly violent]], [[Necron|murderously enigmatic]], [[Tyranid|more interested in eating you than anything]], or [[Dark Eldar|all of the above]] to offer such courtesies.
[[File:Tau Ripoff.jpeg|thumb|left|350px|FOR THE GREATER THEFT!]]
This began to change in the 6th edition. For all the claims that GW doesn't listen to its fans, someone seemed to have heard the incessant bitching many fa/tg/uys made over the Tau being genuinely good. As a result, the Tau began to take on an Orwellian flavor, with the Ethereals being totalitarian autocrats performing acts of ruthless indifference towards their subjects in the guise of being for the Greater Good. Recent [[fluff]] (from ''[[Dawn of War]]'', supported by [[Deathwatch]] supplements describing Achillus Crusade) has them <s>arbitrarily sterilizing the rebelling humans on Kronus once they come under the rule of the Tau Empire</s> sterilizing a group of humans attempting to revolt and distract Tau forces in the middle of a planet-wide, 6-way free-for-all (to be fair though, had it been anyone else they were revolting against, including the Imperials, those humans would be dead, [[Grimdark|most likely the slow and painful way, or even suffer such a terrible fate as to wish for death]]). The Tau Codex leaves ambiguous the question of just how much of their success is due to various forms of indoctrination, caste-based conditioning, and subtle mind control. This has only been exacerbated by the recent Farsight Enclaves supplement, which makes the Ethereals come off as mustache-twirling, Saturday-morning-cartoon villains. It speaks volumes about the 40k setting that in spite of all this they're ''still'' the friendliest race in the galaxy.

Some have said that Tau resemble the protagonist KYNE from the Amiga video game Brataccas, which was released in 1986. Tau were first added to Warhammer 40k in late 2001. Some would dismiss this as coincidence, but Games Workshop has a long history of ripping off designs from other games; [[Beastmen]] are [[Broo]] from [[Glorantha]], very large chunks of 40k are a little too similar to [[Judge Dredd]], and all of the Greater Daemon model designs are stolen from early [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. These properties are understandable as Games Workshop was still selling games of those IPs when Warhammer was first created, but Brataccas is an obscure game from a forgotten system that was quite forgettable even at release, even if Amiga games tended to get fantastic cover art.

=="Naive Weeaboo Space Communists"==
[[Image:Tau Weeaboo.png|thumb|right|Cue hotblooded music by [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r6xYnFDoV0 JAM Project].]]
The Tau's naiveté might seem at odds with the GRIMDARK-ness of the setting (and to a degree, a lot of it is), but the thing is, Games Workshop specifically plays this straight FOR the [[grimdark]] and ''knows'' that the seeming futility of the Tau's optimism only further accentuates the general hellishness of the rest of the galaxy - and dear [[Emperor|god]] do they play this up for maximum effect. In the 41st millennium, the Tau come across as ''more'' than a little naive to the other races; the Imperium sees any contact with aliens as heretical and will shoot them with [[bolter]] rounds as soon as look at them; the [[Ork]]s just want to kick the shit out of things; and the [[Eldar]] see the Tau as young and powerful because of their technology but also as a race in its infancy, just staggering out of its borders for the first time and wandering into a pond full of [[Saharduin|sh]][[Dark Eldar|arks]].

Putting it simply, there's an ongoing joke that the Tau are some of the most successful trolling performed in the history of mankind just by ''existing''; a case of the company installing them just to mix things up whilst at the same time keeping them surprisingly on-level.

The combination of the above fluff, however, paired with their highly advanced technology, generally "Asian" feel (their Fire Caste's combat doctrine is often reminiscent of Sun Tzu's "''Art of War''" - but derived from two distinct Tau hunting methods), use of [[Mecha|battlesuits]] (just [[Imperial Knight|like]] [[Dreadnought|the]] [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|Imperium]]), [[Hammerhead Gunship|heavy firepower]] which rivals that of the Imperial Guard, and one of the [[Fish of Fury|most broken tactics in tabletop 40K until it was finally fixed an edition later]] has conspired to make them very much hated (and by that we mean a source of butthurt) by a reasonable-sized population of the [[/tg/|40K fan populace]], and /tg/ has rightly dubbed the Tau [[Weeaboo]] (as much due to their Asian-ness as anything else) as a result (even when people can use the same logic to point to the Imperium's xenophobia, the fanatical worship of the God-Emperor, extensive use of Mecha and suicide attacks, use of suicide attacks as punishment for dishonour, and fondness for over-the-top dialogue in general and conclude that the Imperium of Man is the space equivalent of Holy Imperial Japan). As a dark twist on this inherent Asian-ness, a thread concerning lack of grimdark fan fluff on Tau led to the creation of [[Sept V'iet]], the Viet Cong Tau.
[[Image:Tau fire warriors.jpg|490px|thumb|left|The [[Greater Good]]: translatable as [[Deal with it|"if you want to make an omelette, you gotta break some eggs."]]]]
And again in a case of much cultural confusion, the Tau are often considered [[Communism|communists]] (despite being a rigorous, hierarchical, near-eugenicist class society that would drive Marx into [[RAGE]]) due to their central philosophy of casting aside the self in favour of the Greater Good. If anything the Tau more resemble the class system of Plato's ''Republic'' crossed with the caste system of India and [[Star_Trek#The_Federation|Star Trek's Federation]] (because they're the only ones in the entire galaxy who bother to try diplomacy with xenos rather than [[Exterminatus|exterminate]] them). However, the portrayal of the Tau as the equivalent of the Federation might still be wrong, since the Tau, amongst their castes, adhere to a highly strict doctrine of eugenics; [[Love Can Bloom|any form of love, sex or breeding between different castes or species]] is the Tau equivalent of [[HERESY]]. As well, the Tau treat their [[Tau#Tau_Member_Races|non-Tau comrades]] as second-class citizens with no say in the Tau government, and demand them to abandon their old culture and conform to a Tau Empire, basically becoming like everyone else. Ergo, the Tau, despite not being the exterminate-all-other-species kind of racist, are still an ethnocentric, aristocratic empire hiding beneath the same type of veneer as the Federation, not unlike Britain during their 'tenure' as the rulers of India. To be fair though, if [[GW]] does decide to up the [[Grimdark#Grimderp|grimderp]] it would be more than safe to assume they would go the way of Stalin and start flaunting fancy propaganda posters everywhere—not that the Imperium doesn't already fill that part and the drawfaggots haven't already done great work in this field. What is for sure though is that, whatever part of the one-dimensional spectrum of political agenda they are on, the Tau government is mainly oligarchical, with the vast majority of political power concentrated in the Ethereal caste. This is further driven home by the fact there is a Tau splinter faction led by one of their two best generals alive, Commander [[Farsight]] of the Farsight Enclaves, whose government is a non-caste (presumedly socialist/capitalist hybrid), meritocratic semi-democracy. The problem is, until people stop dragging him out of his self-imposed exile to fight Tyranids, Orks, and other Tau, he's a dictator the way Optimus Prime is sometimes depicted. Farsight's government is one most certainly [[RAGE|NOT recognized by the Tau Empire]], who have finally gotten around to dispatching a fleet to silence them. This, of course, is [[Advancing_the_Storyline|imminent plot stuff that will never happen]] because it's always the 41st millennium.

However, the new codex has HEAVILY downplayed their naiveté, bringing back the original codex mention that the Ethereals have officially declared both the [[Orks]] and [[Tyranids]] "lost causes" (took them long enough) and that the [[Greater Good]] demands they be killed to the last. Furthermore, they seem to have declared the [[Eldar]] "lost causes" too, perhaps due to their first contact with the [[Dark Eldar]]. (Although since they're battle bros with the Craftworld Eldar, it's probably just the Dark Eldar.) When a Tau fleet found an [[Exodite]] world while chasing a Dark Eldar raid, they straight up murdered every S&M hippie-elf on the surface—they didn't even try the usual "talk before shoot" method. Then again, few people will argue those [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position|sick bastards]] don't deserve it.

To sum it up, the Tau Empire is just as [[grimdark]], evil and unrelenting as the rest of 40k, but they carefully hide their true nature behind the shining facade of the Greater Good. Kind of the ''Brave New World'' to the Imperium's ''1984''.

==Military Doctrine==
[[Image:TauTyr2.jpg|right|500px|thumb|Close-quarters painting [[Drawfag|strikes again.]]]]
The Tau disdain [[Choppy|melee]] [[Rip and tear|combat]] in favour of [[Shooty|ranged combat]], which renders them instantaneously [[Matt Ward|less manly]] in the eyes of most of /tg/'s playerbase. The reasons behind this are complicated. Generally, Tau see hand to hand combat in warfare as an anachronism, which makes sense, considering their basic guns can rip apart tank side armour, and compared to almost all other major races Tau have less muscle strength and reaction speed, which makes them ineffective in melee even if they are trained. Even the last reason alone is enough to avoid close combat, seeing as [[Necrons]] use similar logic, despite their [[Necron Warrior|Warriors]] and [[Necron Immortal|Immortals]] being much stronger and tougher, and actually highly trained in close combat, but equally as slow. That said, Tau do practice martial arts, but only for ritual purposes - Fire Warrior trials and rites involve knives and swords, while Ethereals have a tradition of fighting non-lethal duels to settle disputes, using sharp bladed weapons no less, so they are often quite good with their fencing style, as [[Aun'Shi]] has shown to some unfortunate Orks.

Logistically, Tau military doctrine has been hit hard with the same [[grimdark|stupidity]] nerf bat as every other fieldable army, but is the only faction for which this violates their own fluff; every other faction has some reason for their materiel to be as limited as they would be in a fantasy setting, but the Tau have widespread education, unlike Men and Orks; reasonable access to production facilities relative to their population, unlike Necrons and Eldar; and are capable of coherent research and development, unlike Tyranids and Daemons. For fluff reasons which have never been explained (the crunch reason is obvious), they have the same motif as every other army of equipment often being more valuable than the person wielding it, leading to most personnel being fielded with inferior equipment. The most obvious example of this is that they always, under whatever circumstance, field infantry in simple combat armour rather than some sort of battlesuit - its only advantage is having less bulk, as the Tau have a reason not to build larger transports to cope with the shitloads of battlesuits they could deploy instead. This argument is analogous to saying that real-world militaries should only use armored vehicles and not have infantry. The Tau likely practice economy of force, which has consequences both on and off the battlefield. Sending excessive amounts of force at a target is wasteful, as the excess firepower would be more useful elsewhere. If one only has a XV8 Battlesuits and no infantry, but a swarm of grots in a nearby pass needs to be taken out, they have no choice but to commit a very valuable unit to a task far beneath its worth. This is also an economic matter, as lower power units are cheaper. One could easily field a number of fire warriors for far less than the cost of a single battlesuit, and considering many foes will fall beneath "mere" infantry, any cost-aware faction would prefer the infantry's use over an expensive battlesuit.

The Tau's superior [[Dakka|firepower]] is similar to that of the [[Imperial Guard]], but their strategy is different in that they tend to rely less on mass warfare and more on sophisticated technical support (drones, stealth technology, railguns), with an emphasis on tactical precision, mobility, and the initiative of individual squads of units, much like how modern warfare is waged (apparently if the Imperial Guard learned from Tau tacticians and fought with modern tactics instead of zergrushing everything then they would have been the most powerful army in the galaxy, but no, that ain't GRIMDARK and AWESOME enough [unless you're [[Lord Solar Macharius|Macharius]]]). Their military doctrine is not based on winning by attrition and/or throwing out quality tactics in favour of absorbing and dishing out heavy shocks in bloody epic clusterfucks like the Imperials, Orks and early World War II-era Soviet Russia. (Unless you count the later war "deep warfare", which is actually the combat doctrine the Tau ripped off. 40k really seems to like the Russians...) Rather, they use infiltration and their sophisticated battlesuits to [[Anal Circumference|bypass enemy strong points and launch deep into their rear]], cutting supply lines and logistics, destroying headquarters and support units, leaving enemies cut off and functionally helpless. There are numerous examples of Tau literally starving and/or thirsting entire armies to death by cutting out their supply lines, while simultaneously harassing them with night raids, ambushes and air strikes to the point the survivors are leaderless, demoralized, out of ammo and fuel, and can barely stand due to exhaustion. The [[Imperial_Armour_Volume_Three:_The_Taros_Campaign#Volume_Three_-_The_Taros_Campaign|Taros]] campaign is a prime example of these tactics (and of the Imperium's strategic stupidity).

Of course, these kinds of tactics only work fine against more convenient armies like the Imperial Guard or Orks. When it comes to Space Marines and Eldar, who spot mostly aerial/warp/webway supply lines, operate as elite armies without obvious weak spots to exploit, have similar or superior tactical mobility and badass officers that can survive most assassination attempts, Tau loose huge parts of their usual advantages (but get the numerical superiority in return). Against utterly unconventional foes, like Tyranids, Daemons or Necrons... well, all times they faced such foes, Tau either devised some entirely new strategies, or lost horribly.
[[File:TauTyr.jpg|thumb|left|300px|90% of Tau [[dakka]] comes in the form of [[Plasma|pretty blue lights.]]]]
The Tau, again, boast some of the most powerful ranged weaponry on the tabletop game, and can crank out more concentrated firepower than any other faction with the lone exception of the Imperial Guard and maybe the orks if you only count number of bullets in the air, and even then, the Tau's weapons hit quite a bit harder. They have pathetic hand-to-hand combat skills, however, and so the Tau bolster this by using several inducted races (the [[Kroot]], Vespid, and even some [[Gue'vesa|humans cut off from the Imperium during the Damocles Crusade]]) to act as buffers against assault troops to allow Tau Fire Warrior teams and their heavy, long-ranged firepower to tear enemies apart. The most pivotal, and perhaps most infamous, part of the Tau army are their [[Battlesuit|Battlesuits]], which can mount multiple heavy weapon systems and provide excellent mobility to their pilots, all on a fairly durable unit. They also have an extremely powerful navy, though not quite as formidable as the Imperium's, if largely because of number differences. Tau air units are among the best in the game, with aircraft superior or equal to Imperial Guard equivalents, including a stealth fighter, multipurpose heavy fighter, a superheavy fighter with guns that can one-shot a Titan, and their own [[Manta|Titan-equivalent]] (which is a small starship). Unlike the Imperium, they usually deploy swarms upon swarms of flyers, with only Orks and Necrons able to rival them in numbers when things come to dogfights—kind of the way the Imperial fleets' atmospheric support craft were supposed to work if fleet officers weren't a bunch of assholes who do everything they can to provide as little air support as possible.

On defense, the Tau are a bit unusual: they leave only token garrisons at their colonies to protect them. These garrisons are intended for scouting rather than combat, avoiding engagement in order to observe and report on invaders using Pathfinders, scanning towers, and drones. Because the Tau have fairly powerful spacefleets and usually keep their forces within reasoned distance of potential hotspots, any potential threat can be quickly dealt with by organizing a hunter cadre to be sent to deal with the situation. For those of you who don't get it, it's Frederick the Great's "he who tries to protect everything protects nothing" strategy. Of course, this strategy means Tau must have some worlds actually being heavily defended - and in fact they do. Sept worlds tend to be guarded by some nasty space stations and garrisoned by an unreasonable amounts of hunter cadres and auxiliary troops, which allows them to act as major defensive nodes from which response fleets are dispatched and to which evacuation fleets rally (think feudal Japan style castles from which commanders would send trained garrisons out to protect the lands around it from encroaching armies), and in case some really scary shit like an Imperial crusade or a Tyranid hive-fleet comes into the sept, it is on the sept world where the decisive battle is fought (See the First Damocles Crusade for an example of this tactic in action). This has, however, backfired on occasion, since it does mean that the Tau garrisons are very vulnerable in the initial stages of an attack.

A rare advantage the Tau have is their willingness to change military strategy. As examples, look at how they changed tactics in reaction to the [[Damocles Crusade]] by the Imperium of Man, and even built an entirely new space fleet to match humans in straight-on space fights, or their unusual but effective choice of switching to older weapons when dealing with [[Hive Fleet Behemoth|Hive Fleet Gorgon]].

==Fleet==
In the old fluff, Tau used to have a reverse-engineered imperial warp drives, tuned to only skim the surface of the warp and bounce back to materium after a short while. New fluff on the other hand retconned that, by giving them what is called "slingshot drive" for their FTL, and from what little fluff we have on it, it looks like the actual warp drive (in the modern physics meaning, i.e. warped time-space bubble). The practical applications, however, are the same in both new and old fluff - Tau FTL is much slower than the Imperium's, but is predictable, reliable, and not affected by warp storms (a big deal, given Tau spent half of their history inside one). As a result, Tau are capable of building proper interstellar logistics lines, Administratum can only dream of, but their strategic mobility is <s>lacking</s>functionally superior compared to pretty much every other faction (save Tyranids, who also use non-Warp related FTL). Additionally, Slingshot drive is rather big, heavy and power-hungry, even compared to the Warp drive (which takes op to 1/3 of a smaller imperial ships). As a result, escort-class Tau spacecraft are built without FTL drives and are hooked to bigger ships for the purpose of interstellar travel, which basically make them equivalents of the Imperium's system monitor ships, with the same benefits (cheap, compact and too fast, powerful or durable for their size) without their major downside (being unable of FTL flight).
Tau empire have two fleets:
*Kor'Vatra, or "merchant fleet", is made of older modular ships that double as merchant and colony vessels (hence the name). One of their main shticks is huge arcs of fire for most gun batteries, with side batteries easily covering front arc, and nose batteries covering all but the stern - as a result, while Kor'vatra Ships may not have as much firepower as Imperial or Ork ones, they can focus more of it on one target. On the flip side, merchant ships while decently fast at sub-light, are not very agile, and must rely on escort wings and auxiliary fleets against more maneuverable foes. Even after the founding of Kor'Or'Vesh, Kor'Vatra still see a lot of military use, especially against the Imperium, precisely because it's regarded as non-military fleet, so Tau diplomats could tell their imperial colleagues "What battle cruisers on your orbit are you talking about? It's just our merchant vessels, moving goods to and from our trade missions".
*Kor'Or'Vesh, or "combat fleet" is a newer fleet, made for battling Imperium's fleet in straight up battle, after Kor'Vatra get run over during Damocles crusade. Made out of more compact, maneuverable and better armored ships, it may lack Kor'Vatra's wide arks of fire, but is superior in every other regard, and as Taros and second Damocles campaigns showed it is more then capable of fighting off humans even if outnumbered.
Both fleets use largely the same technologies - railguns as (by tau standard) short-ranged high damage gun batteries, ion cannons as long range beams (lance equivalent), and above all, their brokenly-powerful ordinance second only to Eldar ones (and available in far greater numbers) - Mantas, Barracudas and EMP drone-torpedoes reign supreme at extreme ranges, gaining Tau navy the same reputation their ground armies have. Because their ordinance is so powerful, most Tau ships tend towards carrier and torpedo boat archetype, and suffer horribly if enemy comes within macro-cannon or god-forbid boarding range (that is IF they manage to come that close).

==Non-combat Fluff==
[[File:Tau city.jpg|450px|thumb|right|Contrary to what [[Imperium of Man|some]] believe, what this picture shows might just be the future for the entire galaxy if the Tau [[Great Crusade|get their way.]]]]
The Tau were a new race/culture found by the Imperium of Man during their "slash and burn" exploration of their galactic neighborhood. The Tau were still pastoral, had just discovered flint tools and charcoal, and the Imperium had them scheduled for "[[Grimdark|routine cleansing]]" (which is Imperiumese for ruthless genocide) to make sure they never got off-world and developed into an entity capable of threatening humanity. Needless to say, that plan was promptly [[derp|fucked up]]. By an unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on your feelings towards a species' right to not be mercilessly exterminated for no reason whatsoever) coincidence which almost certainly involved the dickery of [[Tzeentch]] or [[Cegorach]] or something, a warp storm occluded the Tau homeworld, so nobody could get in or out. Since the Tau were virtually invisible in the warp, the warp storm didn't have much of an effect on them as they were immune to the influences of Chaos. The sector was labeled "lost to Chaos," and cleansing was deferred indefinitely. Then [[Age of Apostasy|this shit]] happened, and almost all records about Tau were lost in the ensuring clusterfuck of civil war. Only the Adeptus Mechanicus still had records of this first contact when the storm died down 6,000 years later. The Damocles Crusade relocated the Tau, who were completely untouched by the warp storm and now using interstellar colony ships and pulse rifles. The extermination order still stood—it was just going to be much more difficult than the Imperium expected, seeing as the Tau, instead of throwing spears and rocks at their tanks and Space Marines, were now throwing [[ion cannon|ion charges]], [[plasma|plasma blasts]], and [[railgun|electromagnetically-accelerated hypervelocity projectiles]] at their tanks and Space Marines.

Tau history is pretty typical up through the iron-age: a knack for engineering, warfare between "urban" farmers and "barbarian" nomads, and unrestrained growth causing a series of plagues, leading to a dark age. Here's where things go sideways, though the Tau see it as the start of their endless Golden Age: the arrival of the Ethereals. Legend tells of a five-year siege at the castle of Fio'taun, with both sides starving and succumbing to disease, when two foreign Tau entered the battlefield. One went to the castle, the other to the barbarian tribes. Each of these Tau had a quiet grace and irresistible authority. In just a few hours, the castle was persuaded to open their gates, and the barbarians laid down their weapons, and both parties met to parley a truce. These strange Tau called themselves "Ethereals," and stressed the importance of peace and understanding between all Tau. They described a "Greater Good" that each Tau must strive towards. Soon after, soon enough to seem simultaneous, more of these strange new Tau emerged across the continent with their message of peace and co-operation for all Tau. Their quiet authority was always respected, and their message of harmony was universally embraced. Wait a minute, [[God-Emperor of Mankind|I've seen this]] [[Great Crusade|historical pattern before]]....

Perhaps uniquely for the setting, Tau-human interactions bear the whiff of realpolitik. On the one hand, the Imperium wants to exterminate them ''eventually'', but the upper management generally realizes that the Tau are going to be a giant drain of resources and manpower to get rid of, given the stiff resistance they put up in [[Damocles Crusade|previous campaigns]] and their uniformly advanced technology. Furthermore, they serve as a useful buffer state against various threats on the Eastern Fringe, from Orks and Chaos raiders to Tyranid hive fleets to alien forces the Imperium hasn't had (recorded) contact with. Their existence deflects danger from Imperial space, and in a place and time when the Imperium is [[Time of Ending|coming under attack from all sides]], that's more important than dogma.

This strategy is not unique to the Tau only though, as the Imperium allows countless other (much more dangerous) xeno empires to prosper in the Eastern Fringe to serve as an ablative shield against much nastier shit. Amongst those is (for example) the Octarius ork empire, which is older than the Imperium and spawns a Waaagh! or two per millennium (even with the routine warboss assasination raids that the Ultramarines make). Even after the emergence of the genius warboss Snagrod and his Waagh on Rynn no one cared to issue a crusade against them. So yeah, the Tau empire is not even close to being spotted by the High Lords, not to mention recognized as a threat dangerous enough to actually do something about.

Conversely, the Tau have realized just how massive an undertaking expanding through the entire universe would really be, and are taking it slow. They mostly absorb Imperial buffer worlds stripped of manpower and armament in the face of massive redeployments to face other threats, offering the Empire's protection in return for annexation and outright conquering the places that don't take the deal. The Tau have claimed that they are engaging in this sort of aggressive behavior because ''someone's'' going to gobble those settlements up sooner or later, and if ''they'' don't do it, then whoever does won't be nearly as nice about it. While baldly self-serving, that logic is...well, mostly correct, really.

There's no lost love between the Imperium and the Tau, but open full-scale war is probably unlikely in the near-future.

And then the Second Damocles Crusade happened.... even the imperium isn't that stupid, so this almost certainly involves that tricky dick Tzeench trying to stop the greater good from ruining all his plans. ...Or nurgle...or, well any of the ruinous powers really.

=== Castes ===
[[File:Commander HawkEye.jpg|thumb|290px|left|Join the Greater Good, lose your virginity to a hot alien babe! Then get shot for heresy...totally worth it.]]

Tau society after the arrival of Ethereals was organized into castes; everyone with a place, and a place for everyone. Interbreeding between castes has been outlawed by the [[Ethereal]]s presumably to preserve the biological differences between castes, and as part of this effort they have taken over the practice of sex entirely. Tau society has been manipulated so that Tau do not form romantic bonds of a long-lasting nature and do not even consider sex to be anything other than a state-mandated act meant only, like everything else, to serve society and the Greater Good. In essence, Tau are conditioned to never have sex until and unless their superiors say they are worth breeding. Their superiors pick their breeding partners (the Tau get NO input into this) and the couple basically spends a few days off from work screwing around before going their separate ways to never see each other again. If a Tau did somehow get over their social conditioning and thought of sex as something more than a mandated duty, they'd be punished for illegal activities/perversion. An Imperial genetor's report in the fourth edition Tau codex observes the presence of synthetic proteins in Tau internal organs and suggests them as evidence that their evolution has been accelerated, though he might have been confused by synthetic proteins that the Tau were given. [[/tg/]] seems to be under the strong impression that they are mammals, as you can see in the picture further down the page, despite the complete implausibility of this theory.

==== {{anchor|Fire|Fire Caste}} Shas (Fire) ====
The '''Fire Caste''' consists of the various [[Fire Warrior|warriors]] of the Tau Empire. The miniatures of a Tau army in a [[Warhammer 40,000]] game are almost exclusively Fire Caste. Other castes think Shas are overly-aggressive hotheads due to their tendency to solve all problems by applying more plasma (when Tau encountered other sentient species, Fire Caste representatives immediately voted to hunt down and exterminate them, just like they hunted down dangerous local life forms on the other world they colonized), although from the perspective of humans or eldar, who know better how "[[Khorne Berserker|aggressive]] [[Blood Angels|hotheads]]" actually look like, fire warriors are seen more like a cold-blooded killers, even when they are enraged by the death of their Ethereal, which just shows how calm and disciplined other castes are. They are taller than Earth Caste Tau, and physically stronger than the Air and Water Castes, though still shorter and weaker than a typical Human. They pretty much compensate for this by giving their basic Fire Warrior a [[pulse rifle]], which is sort of like an automatic sniper-[[plasma]] gun, and employ heavily armed and sophisticated battlesuits for their elite infantry. Oh yeah, and [[Railgun]]s. Company -sized Tau forces are called "Hunter Cadres".

==== {{anchor|Earth|Earth Caste}} Fio (Earth) ====
The '''Earth Caste''' are the laborers and engineers; they are the "civilians" of Tau society. Their appearance can vary widely, though other Tau would describe them as "plain." They all have a stoic outlook, with little ambition other than to excel in their career of choice and work for the Greater Good. Unlike the Imperial worker classes, whose quality of life generally ''starts'' at working 14-hour days seven days a week while living off of dried, recycled dung chips and goes [[Such is life on Volg|''downhill from there'']], the Earth caste is mostly concerned with technological planning and engineering. They have robots to do the grunt work. The Farsight Enclaves field some Earth Caste pilots for their battlesuits, demonstrating their more flexible caste systems and/or their desperation for manpower. Doing so makes them ''even worse'' in close-combat than Tau already are, but they make up for it with technical training and tweaks to the suits' software and mechanics, re-rolling missed shots and equipment failures.

==== {{anchor|Air|Air Caste}} Kor (Air) ====
The '''Air Caste''' are the intermediaries between Tau. In more primitive times they served as messengers and couriers, and sometimes scouts/explorers, gliding on membranous anatomical surfaces through T'au's atmosphere. When the Tau started exploring offworld, it was the Air Caste that took charge of the vessels traveling between the stars. Now the Air Caste are the Tau stellar navy/airforce/mailmen, piloting the Empire's various carriers, warships, and emissary cruisers. Air caste Tau tend to be tall and slender like runners or dancers, and this is frequently exaggerated by the years the Tau navy spends in low-gravity. They are much less likely to be eaten by [[daemon]]s due to a faulty Geller Field than their Imperial equivalents, but only because their ships are much slower, using a "slingshot drive" to temporarily enter the Warp and bounce back into real space. Despite their slender stature and lack of muscle mass, Air caste pilots are extremely resistant to G-force, making them excellent void and atmospheric fighter pilots (simultaneously, as small Tau voidcraft also double as atmospheric craft).

==== {{anchor|Water|Water Caste}} Por (Water) ====
The '''Water Caste''' are the emissaries to non-Tau. They are diplomats, merchants, civil servants. The most open-minded Tau can be found among the Water caste, with some even showing individual ambition (but still for the greater good of the Tau Empire). When a new culture is encountered, the Water caste are sent in first to negotiate. If talks break down, the Water caste are withdrawn from the area and it's time for the Fire Caste to then start negotiating with pulse weapon fire. Also, unlike their Imperial equivalents in bureaucracy, the [[Administratum]], they are brisk, efficient, and very good at their jobs. No dumping valuable ammo on an uninhabited dust world because no one signed the paperwork not to...though, give them a few thousand years and a few million light-years, and see how that holds up.

==== {{anchor|Ethereal|Ethereal Caste}} Aun (Ethereal) ====
[[Image:Tau_caste_nudes.jpg|thumb|right|Earth, Fire, Water, Air...Ethereal?!? SWEET MOTHER OF KHORNE!!! MY EYES!!!]]
The '''Ethereal Caste''' are basically the philosopher-kings described by Plato in "The Republic". They are selfless and always focused on what is best for the Greater Good ("Tau'va") for all Tau and every Tau without exception. The Ethereals are inspirational to all Tau caste members, and merely being near one will inspire a Tau soldier, engineer, pilot, or diplomat to work harder. In the case of the Fire Caste, some Ethereals accompany hunter cadres in battle during important deployments so as to better lead/inspire the troops, which works because all Tau in the combat zone will fight to their bitter deaths. They also seem to have semi-magical powers (don't ask how they work, none of the Tau know themselves) that allow Tau around them to do special things, like running while shooting. The [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] theorizes that the respect the Ethereal Caste gets from all other Tau is caused by a pheromone. ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTAU......

Also, ''[[Xenology]]'' relates a story from a major, insectoid race called the [[Q'Orl]] which alleges that the [[Eldar]] stole one of their queens. Given that these queens have a magic, yellow, diamond-shaped sack that produces mind-control pheromones…well, let's just say the characters in the story figure it out quickly enough. There is a theory that the Ethereals themselves are also affected by their own pheromones, which could explain why they're so selfless and uncorrupted despite their absolute power. This can also be supported by the (old as fuck and likely retconned) novelization of [[Warhammer_40,000:_Fire_Warrior|Fire Warrior]], where the Ethereal character has a pretty level head and chipper demeanor despite having been [[Anal_Circumference|repeatedly captured and tortured by both the Inquisition and Chaos, watching his diplomatic retinue chopped up by a Chaos Lord, and mind-raped by said Chaos Lord all in the span of roughly two days.]] Either he's a stoic old motherfucker, or he's just too busy tripping his blue balls on his own pheromones to give a shit.

===Tau Names===
Tau have ridiculously long, detailed and actually meaningful names. Their names contain their caste, rank, birth sept, and one or more nicknames earned by them through the course of their lives. Fluff does say that they ''do'' have birth names, but those are only used before tau earn at least one appropriate nickname, as a name given to them by comrades is considered more valuable than one just chosen by random at their birth. The nickname part and it's importance surprisingly is actually taken from the Roman culture, which is weird, given most Tau culture tend to be based on China and Japan (except for their social and government structures which are copied almost verbatim from Plato's Republic). Also, do note the lack of last names, which is expected, since Tau society pretty much have no institute of a family, with children being raised in a centralized facilities apart from their parents. As tau grow, move through ranks and achieve respect of his comrades his name changes appropriately, switching the rank part, adding new nicknames and sometimes dropping the old and outdated ones. For example, when Farsight was still a lowly fire warrior, his name was '''Shas'La Vior'La Shoh''' (Fire Caste Private of the Hot-Blooded sept Inner Light), and at the "present days" '''Shas'O Vior'La Shovah Kais Mont'yr''' (Fire Caste Commander of the Hot-Blooded sept Farsight Skillful Blooded). How the fuck Tau bureaucracy is able to keep track of their population with their names constantly changing is a mystery, but it seems they have no problem with that (probably they just assign number to each).

For the sake of convenience Tau often use shortened versions of names, almost always dropping the sept part and secondary nicknames, and if speaking within one caste the caste part too, so in the case of Farsight other fire warriors could refer to him as O'Shovah, while for example an Ethereal would call him Shas'O'Shovah. Humans and other non-Tau often get this system wrong and shorten the names in a ways that make little sense: for example, Imperium's Taros invasion force thought the Taros' chief Ethereal's name was Aun'El, which was only his caste and rank, and as the book was mostly written from the Imperium's standpoint, we still don't know what was his actual name.

One final stroke of Tau naming, is that as they abandon their true (birth) names it makes them even more resistant to sorcery and daemonic powers that often require target's true name to amplify their effect or even make the spell work at all.

==Alliances==
{{MattWard}}
[[File:Illus4.jpg|280px|right|thumb|Unfortunately for some [[Slaanesh|deviants]] [[Extra Heresy|and heretical elements on]] [[/tg/]]. [[Not as Planned|This is what an actual cannon Tau Female looks like.]] No boobs, no curves, no ass, no redeeming qualities other than having a face of your grandmother and the nose of a mutilated vag. Know the alien. Hate the alien. Purge the alien. The Emperor Protects!]]
In 6th edition, Tau are notable for being one of two factions (the other being Imperial Guard) who can ally with anyone except for 'Nids. Yes, this includes both Chaos Space Marines and Chaos Daemons, although, according to the Farsight Enclaves supplement, <s>Farsight is one of the few Tau (maybe the only one ''period'') who actually understands the existence of Chaos, so the average Tau would consider them to be just another kind of alien.</s> Farsight rebelled because the Ethereals understand the existence of Chaos on some level, but keep it suppressed from the general populace so they're not entirely screwed. It still isn't going to end well though.

This leads to a few...''interesting'' alliances, to say the least.

First off, Tau ''can'' ally with [[Ork]]s, even though fluff-wise they are viewed as enemies of the Greater Good to be purged wherever encountered. Smaller Ork warbands (mostly [[Blood Axes]]) frequently act as mercenaries, of course, so the Tau might use them in that capacity. Plus, there might be fluff changes coming up (most notably, it was rumored that the [[Gretchin Revolutionary Committee]] would return in the new Orks codex; they, of course, would get along quite well with the Tau).

They are also battle brothers with both the Space Marines and Eldar, which has caused a large amount of headscratching on /tg/. The Eldar make a modicum of sense; after all, the Eldar most likely had a hand in their synthetic evolution and the creation of the Ethereals, and the Eldar are well known for being expert manipulators. A Tau-Space Marine alliance, though, would be odd, to say the least, since Tau and Space Marines are always going at it in the [[fluff]]. Of course, a minor [[Space Marine Chapter|chapter]] could always find an alliance with the Tau, or even join the Greater Good, but that seems far-fetched at best. Old fluff from back in the 3rd edition codex tells a story of a Tau commander letting an Apothecary remove the aul glands from dead Marines, establishing that the Tau are honourable warriors in the minds of this particular chapter. Isn't too hard to guess that someone at GW felt the battle brothers thing was a bit of a head-desk move, so they tried to fix it.

The weirdest part, though, is that Tau ''aren't'' Battle Brothers with the Imperial Guard, despite (or maybe because of) the existence of [[Gue'vesa]] (Imperial Guard defectors).

7th edition corrected all of this for the Tau, making them only battle brothers with themselves and certain allies of convenience, like Necrons and the Eldar, while the rest are desperate allies or, in the case of daemons and 'Nids, allies of the apocalypse. This effectively "fixes" the issue from the point of view of a butthurt puritan while still allowing for those who bought Tau models to include them as allies in their games.

==Tau Member Races==

[[File:Dynamic entry by majesticchicken.jpg|right|thumb|550px|Look up fuckers! You're invited to the latest imperial party and we're not taking "no" for an answer!]]

The Tau are the only faction that willingly accept other races into their ranks. Typically, the races are extended a hand from the Water Caste first, and if they still pose a problem or otherwise refuse to be reasoned with, the Fire Warriors are sent in. It should be noted that tau usually are not in haste of annexing the world, and if the aliens don't want to join right now but aren't immediately hostile and open to trade, Water Caste would slowly but surely convert them into a Greater Good to the point that one day they themselves would ask to join the Empire. The species, when annexed or conquered, are usually allowed to keep their planet, but must answer to the authority of the local Ethereal and possibly the local Shas'o. Most of them are fluff and don't show up on the tabletop, but it would get a little ridiculous if you could purport to play a 'single' 40k race that included, like, twelve different races.

* Demiurg - [[Squats]] reborn. They are a race of space-faring miners specializing in ionic weaponry who serve the Tau with their engineering and mining abilities. They also serve as an example of something the Imperium will never do: save dead codex races. (Well, okay, they're sort of saved...)
* Galgs - Frog/Toad People who are regularly hired as mercenaries. No other information available. Probably [[Lizardmen#Slann|Slann]] In Space.
* [[Gue'vesa]] - Humans who have not only defected to the Tau, but chosen to take up arms and fight alongside them to serve the Greater Good. Rules for them are found in [[Forge World|Forge World's]] Imperial Armour Volume 3. <s>(If the current trend goes on we may see Sisters join up with the Tau, which might be an improvement for the Sisters.)</s>{{BLAM}}{{BLAM|HERESY!}} (Besides, literally any other imperial /other/ than a sister is more likely to join the Tau. Even space marines are more likely, considering how often they fall to Chaos. Than consider how rare it is for sisters to fall to chaos, and you'll know how unlikely a Tau SoB is.)
* Hrenian - Alien mercenaries employed for their skills as light infantry. No other information available. Probably [[Lizardmen#Skinks]] In Space.
* Ji'atrix - A spacefaring race. No other information available. (Dammit, GW [[Writefag|writefags]].)
* [[Kroot]] - Predatory gene-assimilating avian humanoids. They are the first alien race to be actively recruited by the Tau as mercenaries, and are so regularly hired that they have officially progressed to being considered Auxiliaries of the Tau forces.
* [[Vespid|Mal'kor]] - Insectoid aliens, also known as Vespids, who are native to a gas giant planet within the Tau Empire. Serve as Auxiliaries.
* Morralian - Also known as "Deathsworn". No other information available.
* [[Nicassar]] - A voidfaring race of [[psyker]]s and the only psychically-gifted species in the Tau Empire. The Tau have carefully hidden them away from the Imperium due to their (actually justifiable) psyker-phobia. Were the second alien species to join the Greater Good.
* Ranghon - No information available.
* [[Tarellian]] - These guys are basically [[Lizardmen#Saurus]] IIIIN SPAAAAACE!!!!!! Not really part of the Empire, but rather mercenaries who will gladly fight humans and Tyranids on the cheap since the Imperium virus-bombed their home world and the Tyranids nommed their biggest colony.
* Poctroon - The first sapient species to be found by the Tau, [[wikipedia:Siege of Fort Pitt|they were "accidentally" driven extinct by Tau smallpox]], and their planet just by coincidence was a great place to set a Sept World.
* Nagi - Brain worms that, due to their horrific appearance and inability to communicate, were attacked by the Fire Caste. They managed to sort it out, though, and now they work with the Ethereals as advisors (because having brain worms about as "advisors" isn't a bad idea or anything).{{BLAM}}{{BLAM}}HERETIC! YOU MUST BE PURGED! And yet further proof that the Inquisition does not understand sarcasm, the tools.
* Ji'atrices, Morralians, or Ranghons are probably other Warhammer Fantasy Races In Space, such as [[Lizardmen#Kroxigor|Kroxigors]] or Trolls, given the overall tendency of the Tau to incorporate Fantasy races missing from 40k.

The usually genocidal actions of the other races, most notably the [[Imperium]], also serve as a motivating factor for less-powerful races to join the Tau. While the Tau do seem a minor threat to the Imperium now, if the current policy continues, there will be more and more races joining up with the them if for no other reason than avoiding [[Exterminatus|extermination]]. Of course, the Tau are just coming to realize how vast and powerful the Imperium really is, and while a lot of their member races really ''are'' the victims of crazy, evil, fascist extermination protocols, there's always the chance that someone responsible for a "Hell World" or "Nightmare World" might join up, and the damage might be done before they realize their mistake...

==In a Nutshell==
;'''The Stated Reason Why People Hate Tau'''
Weeaboo space communists—not grimdark enough.
;'''The ''Real'' Reason Why People Hate Tau'''
Until the edition update, this would, most assuredly, be [[Fish of Fury]]. Fuck, even most Tau players felt this was bullshit. Post-edition update, it was that certain [[Matt Ward|undesirables]] felt that they were trying to take the mantle of the 40K universe's "rightful" Imperial protagonists. And because they are not [[Choppa|choppy]] enough. And then 6th Edition codex came, and Tau became one of the shootiest armies in the shootiest edition ever, not to mention their ability to bitchslap cheesmongers, having straight counters against any of the Wardex bullshit.
;'''A Real Reason Why People Like Tau'''
The one race that isn't being a wall of dicks. If the Tau are trolling done by Games Workshop, then the target of said trolling was any fatbeard that needs a constant supply of grimdark to stay alive.
;'''Another Real Reason Why People Like Tau'''
Unlike many other Races in 40k the Tau are capable of fitting into many other Sci-fi Universes without much Problems. Such as Star trek where they would be at home along side other Peaceful yet also Tyrannical Factions <s>like the Federation</s> <s>HERESY!!!</s> Compared to the Necrons or Eldar which would be both Roflstomps and completely different from all other groups in that Universe. (Unless it [[Doctor Who|Doctor Who]]).
;'''The Real Reason Why People Play Tau'''
Arguably have the most powerful guns in the game. Often twin-linked. Often on cool-looking robot battlesuits. [[meme|Also markerlights]]. Also [[Riptide|RAPETIDE]]. Tau players may also have a tendency towards sadism.
;'''Helping Necrons? Or are they Necrontyr descendants?'''
An often overlooked issue is that Tau have almost no warp signatures, just like Necrons, hate Warpspawns and Warp in general (despite the fact that in 6E they can work with them...I just...I don't...WAAAARD!!!), just like Necrons, have the exact same skull shape, stature and short lives, and the overwhelming need for Technology and beam weapons, JUST LIKE NECRONS. [[GW]] may have planned a race that simply prepares a pacified, multiracial galaxy for Necrons to feast upon, supported by Ethereals that have a C'tan phase blade. Then there is a reference of "dark seed in east" by the Deceiver, so the tricky C'tan might give Tzeentch the finger in the [[JUST AS PLANNED]] competition. Or maybe GW just has so little creativity that they simply made a new civ conforming to an Old One's standards without knowing it. Given that recent murmurs have suggested that something absolutely massive is in the works at GW, ''anything'' could be possible, though past experience has led us to believe that it will simply be a Tau wearing a silly [[hat]]. However, seeing as GW is as likely to advance the plot that far as I am to shove both my legs up my ass up to the knee, it doesn't much matter.

==TL;DR==
<s>The good guys</S>
High-tech alien race who are the ''least'' [[grimdark]] of factions. Can't melee for shit but can blow you back to the stone age with ranged weaponry if you have the misfortune of being downrange. You will either love them or hate them because of all this, and many neckbeards do feel the [[butthurt]]. Or, as the saying goes: "You can't spell TAUNT without TAU."

== Warhammer Fantasy ==
Unlike most other factions in 40k, Tau have no clear antecedent from [[Warhammer Fantasy]]. Some think the anime influences and rapid industrialization/militarization point towards Nippon; others feel the caste system might be related to the Kingdom of Ind. However, neither faction has ever been explored in great detail (or any detail at all), so it's impossible to say whether Tau are similar to those factions; instead, we must compare to the real-world equivalents of the Old World nations. Slightly more controversially, there are elements of Cathay (which is the Anglicized word for China back in the British Empire heyday, so yes) in the Tau. Cathay has been described as being technologically advanced (at least on par with the Empire), including terra-cotta automaton warriors (which the Chinese definitely used to make to pay homage to the First Chinese Emperor's over inflated ego, more than a millennia ago), although such comparison is stated by some to have [[Skub|already been implemented in the characterization of the Eldar and thus, is considered as ''seriously'' stretching up a notch.]]

More recently, some have connected the Tau and their subject races to other factions in Fantasy. The rapid evolution of the Kroot and their overall savagery is (somewhat) similar to the Gors of the Beastmen (although the Beastmen are in the 40k universe themselves). The Empire also shares the xenos-friendly viewpoint of the Tau, although they're not expansionistic, and decidedly less concerned with a unified government structure so long as everyone pays their taxes, for better or for worse.

==Triva==
* Tau are technically canon to the Marvel Comics universe, as the series Venom: Space Knight repeatedly used Tau vehicles for aliens in the scenery. The irony of the ripoff masters Games Workshop getting ripped off is juicy, even moreso when its realized that lawsuit-happy Games Workshop (which literally tried to copyright "pauldrons") couldn't do shit about it because Marvel is owned by Disney, and nobody beats The Mouse™.

==Notable Tau==
*[[Aun'Shi]]
*[[Blue]]
*[[El'Myamoto (Sub-commander Darkstrider)]]
*[[Faptau]]
*[[O'ren I'shi'ii]]
*[[Shadowsun|O'Shaserra (Commander Shadowsun)]]
*[[Farsight|O'Shovah (Commander Farsight) and The Eight]]
*[[Commander Puretide]]
*[[Shas'o Kais]]
*[[Commander Or'es'Ka|Shas'o Or'es'Ka]]
*[[Shlicktau]]
*[[Xeno]]

==See Also==
* [[Cadre Fireblade]]
* [[Battlesuit]]
* [[Gue'vesa]]
* [[Sept V'iet]]
* [[Tau Quest]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000: Fire Warrior]]
* [[Tau Dark Heresy]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Tau(7E)|Tactics/Tau]]
* [[Tau Cadre Creation Tables]]
* [[Codex_-_Tau_Auxiliary]]
* [[Tau Diplomacy]]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|<strike>Love Can Bloom 3:Golden Shadowsun</strike> NON-CANON FANFICTION GARBAGE]]
[[File:Marvel Tau.jpg|thumb|right|250px|FOR THE GREATER GROOT!]]

==External Link==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrHhS5IkRR0 A Typical Tau-Human conversation.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbuPaCgdO50 Should one of your Tau actually kill anything tougher than a guardsman in melee, you are allowed to end the game in victory as long as you play this clip.]

==Gallery==
{{Promotions}}
<gallery>
Image:Tau Fire Warrior.jpg|A Tau Fire Warrior, the basic infantry unit.
Image:Tau Chibi Fire Warrior.jpg|And a smaller one.
File:TauGuela.jpg|Gue'la.
Image:Power Shopping.jpg|It's a well-known fact that the Tau Empire has some of the best shopping in the entire galaxy.
Image:Tau1.jpg|Stealth suits are :3
Image:TauHuman.jpg|Indeed, many humans have already embraced the Greater Good. (The individual with the primitive flashlight has been sent to re-education. Happiness is mandatory, Citizen.)
Image:tau_firecleavage.jpg|Sweet [[Weeaboo|weeaboo]] [[Heresy|heresy]].
Image:JoinTau.jpg|Some recruitment methodologies work better than others.
File:TauOrigin.jpg|Ohhh GW.
Image:Tau Chick.jpg|Few rarely seen Tau chicks. Maybe because Sisters are hotter.
Image:firewarrior.gif|Fire Warriors are :3 too
Image:Tau Firepower Demotivator.jpg|The sad truth of 6th edition.
Image:Tau Battlesuit vs Smurf.jpg|This Char Custom Battlesuit-clad Tau demonstrates his mastery of [[Weeaboo Fightan Magic]]. Also DYNAMIC ENTRY!
Image:Tau Sympathizer.jpg|The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer's entry on Tau players.
Image:Never shall the tau!.JPG|Surrender... never shall the Tau.
Image:TauKroot.jpg
Image:Tauassault.jpg|Tau are vicious melee fighters, no less able than [[Space Marines]]!
Image:youtastefunny.jpg|Yeah, we all know the truth about their "greater good".
Image:MARKERLIGHTS.png|MARKERLIGHTS!
Image:discotau.jpg|In spite of being filthy heretical xeno scum, the Tau can really break it down.
Image:Taugirlpile.jpg|Here we see Tau propaganda meant to entice men with their terrible, blasphemous, and supple soft skin, smooth curves, perky brea...er...ah...heretical alien bodies.
Image:greatertits.jpg|An attractive human female defector who for some reason has been equipped with a highly modified commander's battlesuit, perhaps as a devious ploy to compel desertion by the less loyal.
Image:Commissar Shadowsuns Goods by morganagod.jpg|DAT ASS
Image:DAT_SHAS.jpg| A Fire Warrior appreciating DAT ASS.
Image:1234622525817.jpg|In hindsight, attempting negotiations with Orks was probably a bad idea.
Image:tau.gif
Image:combine.jpg|In /tg/, tau are the evil guys.
Image:Tau cosplay2.jpg|Typical Tau player, engaging in typical Tau behavior. (Pretty badass cosplay, even got the hoof right)
File:Tau Problem, Astartes.jpg|What's that? We're not grimdark enough for you, Neckbeard?
File:Tau ass.gif|A Greater Good we can all believe in.
Image:Manta.jpg|Fun fact: if you have enough money to buy this, you have too much money.
Image:Laughing tau whores.jpg|S-shut up you filthy sluts! Among my people it is considered quite a handsome dick!
Image:Itsyourempiretoo.png|Propaganda. [[Nazi|Sound]] [[Communism|familiar?]]
Image:NOT FUCKING CANON.png| [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|THIS IS NOT FUCKING CANON!]]
</gallery>

{{Tau}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

Ork

2016-10-29T15:26:42Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.

''"War means fighting, and fighting means killing."'' 
-Nathan Bedford Forrest

[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we zoggin' go, let's break sum' 'eads!]]

The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major differences being that fantasy Orks are now called Orruks, and they have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting.

==Overview==

[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Ork_Boy|The original Boy]]. This guy has been around since 2nd ed.]]

::''"War is the business of barbarians."'' - Napoleon Bonaparte

Orks <strike>quite possibly could be</strike> '''*SLAM!*ARE''' the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]]. Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants and the fact that it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well survive injuries that would put a human to a crippled state. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork, [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop.

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork ''is dismembered or dies.'' This means that, for Orks, combat and death are their principal means of reproduction and genetic exchange, and a Space Marine/Guardsman chainsawing/shooting/artillery-bombarding an ork just results in ten thousands, if not millions, of Orks coming for ya, kinda like [[tyranids]]. Nice Job chainsawing it, Space Marine. Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves hacking your opponent down with anything capable of busting heads and splitting bodies open, and [[dakka|shooty]], which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible, and in any direction whatsoever, including straight up or down. The louder and the faster, the better since Orks don't really care much about accuracy, and they often toss enough lead into the air anyway. They are bound to hit something and common ork thought on this is quite simple: if a round hits something, obviously that must have been an enemy target. If you missed then it was clearly a friendly target.

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will, ultimately, go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.

A hallmark of Orkoid, for lack of a better term, civilization is the WAAAGH!. Always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point, the WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]]. One is the god of cunning brutality and the other is the god of brutal cunning, the difference being that one hits you when you aren't looking and the other hits you harder when you are. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition

Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists. All of them.

Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper.

==Ork Technology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of love, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The official explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that [[derp|badass]]. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox, if orks managened to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Emperor's own flagship. The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmententations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Orks and the Emperor==

One theory of the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be. Probably cos they're not stupid enough to realise he's a corpse more fucked than a Slaaneshi cultist at Ciaphas Cain's place.. 'ANG ON A SECOND.. I FINK DEY BE MAKIN FUN OF US...WELL.....MAYBE WE OUTTA GO STOMP SUM HUMIES!

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Wyrdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), Brewerz (makers of alcohol; retconned), Rockaz (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!''']]

Speedfreeks who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST ;) 

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who makes the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, sliver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand. Although gold is preferred. Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandos]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork?. . Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as NVGs, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. The concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders do not believe that Kommandos actually exist, but nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly hi-jacked a unit of 3 [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove 1 to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). As the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and 2 extra missiles.

Kommandos are typically distrusted by Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As there aint no such thing as a purple ork!

In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby bush/barrel/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head.

An ork asked about Kommando groups. "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy | Weirdboyz]]====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (well, the only Orks who can decide to do it and it'll happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy.

==Retcons==
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===Rokkas===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock.

===Shoutas===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA DROWNS OUT DA COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''WAAAGH!!!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, not a FUCKING NINJA!

'''See, iffin' you'z had sum of dat purpley paint, dis wouldn' be a problem now, would it?'''

===Brewerz===
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the ins and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes. 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

===Female Orks===
Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff [[retcon]]ned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

(Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)

==Ork Clanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own clanz.

* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebits wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' Amish folk.
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squig and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
* '''Goffs''' are a buncha gloomy gits what don't ever have any fun and don't give a grot's toss about dakka, but dey'z somma da 'ardest of all da orks. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] himself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED HARD!
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED UNZ GO FASTA!
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing <del>what's not nailed</del> if it's nailed down they'll loot the nails den loot da fing that was nailed down an' make it orky. [[Looted|Anyfing]]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blood Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'' an' ''recownasense'' an' ''camo'flage'' an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of ''retreat'' Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its '''alwayz''' WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git!

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when . But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot it self. Orks dont much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most every one around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotectic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" <strike>(Yeah Blood axes dont know when to shut up) </strike> '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 7th ork-dition Codex-fingy!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan talk legally like a retard.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike> *THUMP* LOK BOSS I GOT MEH WUN UH DEM UMIES!!!!
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too. A TRAGGADY, DAT IS!
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else.
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies. NAH, WE'S JUST GOT TA FIGURA' OUT WHUZ IN CHARGE NEXT, DAN WE COMES BACK AROUND TA FUMP EM AGAIN! <strike> Hiss! By that time we've NOMNOMNOMNOM'D on you </strike> '''*CRUNCH*''' ANUDDA 'EAD FER ME POINTY STIKK!
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus. OY, DOK. WUTZ DIS TETANATHINGY? CAN WE'Z SQUISH ET?
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour. ORKZ DUN' NEED ARMER! NOT WEN ORKZ GOT DAKKA!! SMASH DEM GITS WITOUT'IT!
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy. <strike> GOOD MEAT BAKKAWW! </strike> *THUMP* I DUNNO WUT DIS DUN SAID BUT IT URT ME EYES SO I KRUMPED IT!!!!
# You're part of [[Squad broken]]. WELL, UH... ZOGGIT. WE GOT NUFFIN CLEVA TA SAY BOUT DAT. MAYBE SUMFING ABOUT IT BEING MADE BY DEM NECKBEARDED GROTZ WIV DA FEDORAZ AN STUFF
# <strike>You haven't had a new codex since 4th edition. And it's starting to show.</strike> SHUT IT YA GIT, WE'ZE DA ORKS AND YOU'Z A BUNCH O PANSY GITS! B'SIDES, WE IZ GOING TA GET NEW CODEX DIS 6TH ED! OI BOSS WEZ GOT A SEVENF EDISHUN CODEX BEFORE THE PANSY GITS DID! N NOW WE'Z GOTZ A SHINEY NEW 7 ORK-DITION CODEX-FINGY! 
# <strike>There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."</strike> WHO KEEPS LETTIN' DEZ' HUMIES IN 'ERE! WE'Z BLOODY INFESTED! GET DA BURNAZ! <strike>(Also [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is apparently too busy with pestering Forge world for more Space marine resin collections to be converted into plastic for the main product line to be bothered with our humble bumbling green skins.)</strike> Tipakill 'umie bee'ayevyohr dat iz. Alwayz ignorin' da orky fingz in loif an' only payin' attentchuhn to zoggin' 'umie fingz. Downroight shaymfol dat iz. Da onlee REEL orky 'umie dere iz iz dat Kaptuhn Yarik; Gork - or eh, iz it Mork? - bless 'iz 'eart. (Trust us greenskin, Matt Ward ignoring you is a good thing.) But waznt 'e fired fur being an annoying grot? I GOT DA BURNAZ!! WE HAVIN A BBQ?? MAKE MINE CRISPY AN DUN FORGET DA EXTRA SQUIG SAUCE
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]]. DEM WEIRDBOY GITZ JUST ORK'D TOO 'ARD!
# <strike>if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not [[Ultramarines|DEM]] blue gits The [[Tau|udda ones]] wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.</strike>'''*CRUNCH*''' OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz.
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis. You can piss on Space Marines, only to die a short while later.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT? Wait... Dat what dey call the mushroom'n'spore pods? Poor suckas! Dey have PAIN nerves down dat way? No WONDER dey scream so bad when we kick em there. 
#Even (some) vegetarians will eat you

== See Also ==
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks(7E)|Tactics/Orks]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwords.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|Deff Skwadron. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff en
</gallery></center>

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

[[category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]

Dark Eldar

2016-10-29T15:26:26Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

[[Image:Dark_Eldar_Symbol.png‎|center]]
[[Image:Dark Eldar Raid Colored by MajesticChicken.jpg|right|thumb|600px|Mercy? Interesting word, I always wanted to know its meaning.]]
''"Cruel people are busy all the time, as if to find justification for the cruelty of their dealings."
 -Leo Tolstoy>

''"In a world without the law of God, you have chaos, oppression, tyranny, and everyone doing what is right in their own eyes."''
 - Randall Terry

The '''Dark Eldar''' are the villainous, and more BDSM obsessed counterparts of the [[Eldar]], who followed the horrific depravity that saw the Eldar Empire destroyed. Hailing from Port [[Commorragh]] in the [[Webway]], the Dark Eldar spirit out from the shadows to take slaves to commit unspeakable atrocities on whoever they capture. They're the [[Honsou|sickest fucks]] in all of [[Warhammer 40,000]], which is a hell of an accomplishment. Their lives revolve around sadistic torture, making them a sort of cross between the Cenobites from Hellraiser and the Reavers from Firefly. They are mainly pirates, though sometimes hire themselves out as mercenaries before they inevitably betray their employers.

Surprisingly, Dark Eldar draw a lot of inspiration from the Fair Folk - not the pussy Disney pixi-fairies, but the original utterly alien inhumanly beautiful monsters that make humans suffer just for their own amusement, kidnap children to turn them into pets/slaves, and run the Wild Hunt that kill maim and rape everything in its wake, vanishing without a trace at dawn.
==History==

The Eldar, after the [[FATAL|disaster]] that caused [[Slaanesh]] and [[Eye of Terror|turned their empire into the universe's biggest Goatse.cx reference]], destroying their once-great race and [[grimdark|killing 90% or so of their population outright]], were a dying race. Slaanesh was devouring their souls like Eldar McNuggets, and it was only through ascetic mysticism and use of Soulstones that Eldar could avoid getting nommed by She Who Thirsts. Conventional wisdom was that these Eldar only survived on craftworlds and maiden worlds that the Eldar had colonized before the fall.

[[Dawn of War|Conventional wisdom]], of course, [[C.S.Goto|means little in the 40K universe]]. Whilst most of the Eldar were mass-raped to death by Slaanesh when their falling into depraved cycles of decadence reached critical mass and caused a Chaos god to be born, a few of them survived because they were in parts of the Webway (a portal network that the Eldar use for transportation). They escaped with no real ill-effects, or so they thought. In reality, Slaanesh was slowly nomming their souls just like she does every Eldar without a Soulstone - however, they found that by [[Grimdark|continuing to engage in rampant hedonism and by torturing and inflicting pain and anguish on other creatures would reduce or even reverse the effects of Slaanesh's hold on them]], forcing them to seek out and capture, kill, and torment the "lesser" races of the galaxy in order to satiate themselves and stave off their doom. Some claim that this was [[Just as planned]] by [[Tzeentch]]; some scholars hint [[Eldrad]] may bear some responsibility (although seeing how he was a rookie seer at the time, and this disaster means Slaanesh wants his soul too, not likely).

Sadistic and psychotic to the point of making your average [[Chaos Space Marines|Chaos Marine]] look like hippies in contrast, hopped up on cocktails of combat stimulant drugs that would OD an [[Eversor]], and armed predominantly with weapons and equipment that cause [[Indrick Boreale|unspeakable immeasurable agony]] in those they go after, the Dark Eldar are easily the most depraved and vicious race the 41st millennium has. Hated by literally every single faction in the 41st millennium, the Dark Eldar are perhaps the only race with [[Anal circumference|bigger assholes]] than [[Eldrad]], though in spite of this, unlike their sissy counterparts, the Dark Eldar are hated much less by the playerbase - presumably because their army actually takes some brains to use and isn't a giant bunch of status-quo-defending [[Eldar|faggots]]. Well, that and its implied they use [[Rule 34|sexual torture]] along with the normal kind.

In battle, Dark Eldar center around hit-and-run tactics, dealing huge damage and moving fast; few of their units can really take much abuse, making them even more fragile than their counterparts. Their standard infantry armor is identical to that of a Guardian (not terribly good), their vehicles are predominantly lightly-armored transport and attack craft that can be brought down by anti-infantry gunfire, and the armor on a typical Wych or Grotesque is no tougher than the ramshackle metal plating favored by Orks, but without the whole "I believe this armor will protect me, which is why it does" and at absolute best will cover only nipples and vulva, meaning that it would take considerable skill (and a somewhat sadistic shooter) to bounce a round off of their 'armour'. Suffice to say, they are extremely fragile and metaphorically half-naked in battle (literally if female), and getting the most out of them takes skill and patience that is rarely-seen on [[/tg/]]; whilst most fa/tg/uys will openly mock your average Eldar player, they will give pause and show some respect to a Dark Eldar player worth their salt.

The Dark Eldar are known for the ''excessive'' amount of [[Faptau|fapping]] [[Heresy|material]] involved with them, and they are the subject of thousands of sexual fantasies by desperate masochistic teenagers and middle aged neckbeards incapable of handling [[Female Space Marines|real women]]. They did, after all, kind of rape/drug/kill/etc themselves into oblivion, which tends to lend itself towards certain excessive abuses. They are also known for having some of the most fucking awesome-looking models on the tabletop, even if the armor of half of what they field will suffer instant critical existence failure at the hands of your typical [[Space Marine]].

==Codex Update==
[[File:Dark_Eldar_Safe.jpg|thumb|right|1998-2010 - twelve years of codex blue balls]]
The Dark Eldar, historically, have always been the race for the professionals; they were insanely hard to use by any stretch, their units too lightly-armored, their models requiring some expertise to pick up without impaling yourself, and they were easily the ''least'' played faction in the 41st Millennium. Nearly 12 years passed before a codex update - and suddenly just recently (2010), [[Games Workshop|GW]] decided to throw the Dark Eldar players a much-needed bone.

Sweet [[Emperor|Jesus]], talk about buffs.

Very little changed fluff-wise, though a lot was fleshed out, but the Dark Eldar gained substantial staying power and can actually field a reasonably <s>tough</s> hard-hitting army now. Their new Power from Pain rule makes them tougher as they score kills, and the army now has a lot of potential for being much more forgiving of mistakes (previously it was a case of either steamrolling foes or getting curb-stomped). Lots of new options and extensive access to poisoned range weapons makes them extremely versatile - as well as the bane of Tyranid players everywhere.

NEW (7th ed) CODEX IS HERE! It's a mixed bag, but serious nerfs are there. On the downside: Vect, Sliscus, Malys, Decapitator and Baron are no longer playable, though most of them are still mentioned in the fluff. Flickerfields have disappeared from all vehicles except Venoms, and Wyches somehow got ''even'' worse by losing haywire grenades and their gladiator weapons just becoming variants on a re-rolling.

On the upside: Power From Pain is just something that happens to the whole army with the bonuses stacking each turn, rather than having to make mediocre units kill things in order to become useful. Mandrakes actually became half-decent (though still vastly inferior to Incubi & Trueborn), Grotesques no longer explode when left alone, Talos & Chronos engines come in squads, and Scourges became able to spam more toys.

==The Dark Eldar Themselves==
"I came to bring the pain, hardcore from the brain/Let's go inside my astral plane." - ''Method Man, Archon of the Wu Tang Kabal.''

The story of the Dark Eldar's fall and their need to inflict pain and horror in order to live - as well as elaboration on their kabalistic practices - have gone a long way towards deepening their fluff considerably (as one noble fa/tg/uy surmised, less retarded Saturday morning cartoon villainy). While some have balked at the more vampiric flavor of the New DE Codex, several denizens of /tg/ have managed to extract comic gold from this. A common musing is that they are ambitious, sex-crazed, easily shot down, boat-and-plane-loving pseudo-aristocrats (all though many of the Dark Eldar really are aristocratic) haunted by a dark curse - ergo, they're not vampires, but, in fact, the Kennedys.

Putting it simply, the soul of a Dark Eldar is [[Grimdark|an open wound that can only be salved with suffering, a void that can only be filled with tortured bodies, a thirst that can only be quenched by spilled blood.]] The origin of this void within the Dark Eldar, and the source of the nigh-religious terror that drives them to commit these daily atrocities, is the knowledge that [[Matt Ward|<s>THEY WILL NEVER BE ULTRAMARINES</s>]] upon death, their soul is forfeit to the Chaos God Slaanesh - an eventuality they intend to stem off at all costs.

Fortunately for the Dark Eldar, provided that someone recovers enough of their remains, their dead body parts can be brought to the Dark Eldar Haemonculi (an ancient order of Dr. Mengeles, the people that educated Fabius Bile in the art of being a gigantic [[Creed|dick]]) and regenerate themselves in case of death, complete with personality and mental faculties intact. This also keeps their soul from being devoured by Slaanesh - but at a price - this regenerative process is fueled by pain just as surely as the Dark Eldar themselves. This is the reason Dark Eldar raids are so eager to get in and get out as fast as possible; [[grimdark|if the subject is dead for more than a day or so, they're beyond recovery]].
[[Image:1287692229240.jpg|thumb|left|A lot like this, really.]]
Their diet of anguish has blessed the Dark Eldar with some of the longest lifespans in the setting, only surpassed by godlike figures like the C'tan, Necrons, the [[Emperor|Emprah]], and the Chaos Gods. If they die, they just respawn back at base once the Haemonculi have managed to torture and/or bosh enough pain out of their subjects to allow the occupants of their rejuvenation pods to regenerate.

The Dark Eldar have also overcome the traditional [[Gay|Elven birthrate problem]] by finding a fun workaround to the long gestation period of conventional Eldar - they can remove a fertilized ovum and place it in an amniotic tube to age them quickly enough to be useful. This is looked down on by Dark Eldar society however - they even have an elite unit, the Trueborn, that are basically a bunch of spoiled brats who feel entitled to all the good weapons just because they got pushed out of a proper twat. The fact that hedonism is the rule in Commorragh probably helps too. On that note, Dark Eldar society has a MUCH larger population of Eldar-human hybrids than anywhere else. What, you thought human slaves were only there for toil or torture? (Although rape by a Dark Eldar involves both of these things along with other, more alien kinks, so don't get your hopes up.)

The Dark Eldar have some of the most advanced tech in the 41st millennium, in cases even surpassing the powerful weapons of their cousins. Access to weapons that basically fling incandescent dark matter and miniature stars around goes a long way towards giving them serious "I'm going to fuck your shit up" power, and their access to arcane wargear and super-fast vehicles even more so. In fact the only race that comes even close to the technological level and destructive power of the Dark Eldar is the [[Necrons]], whose basic weapon rips the molecules off its target, flaying one layer off at a time (though it's still near-instant). Humanity apparently managed to one-up them back in the Dark Age of Overpoweredness, but given that applies to every other race as well (including Eldar) and they've forgotten how to use any of it, that hardly counts.

All that said, at least now their continued survival is not as implausible as the Reavers from Firefly maintaining a functional spacefleet - the Dark Eldar are smart, and even though they'll fight each other to death over a biscuit in Commorragh, during a raid into Real Space they set aside their differences to [[/tg/ gets shit done|GET SHIT DONE]]. The new codex also points out the Dark Eldar do follow a fairly strict set of rules while fighting each other and running shit; one of the reasons they enjoy raiding realspace is that it allows them to cut loose and just butcher innocents for a while.

==COMMORRAGH WELCOMES CAREFUL DRIVERS==

[[Image:Dork_Elfdar_Winch.png|thumb|right|My bra is a face. Your argument is invalid.]]

The Dark Eldar live in the Dark City of Commorragh, basically an impossibly large extradimensional port city fueled by two stolen suns (and they made sure to steal suns from inhabited planetary systems, because fuck those guys). Think of a sprawling cross between 17th century Port Royal with Mos Eisley space port (a wretched hive of scum and villainy) with a drug/torture/rape-based economy (Detroit) and the warped architecture of ''Inception''. So watch out, Utica! Commorragh is a city on the... Grow!

[[Story:A cage, shattered|If you can survive the inhabitants of the Dark City]] there is only one problem. Being in the Webway, every now and then the Dark City will suffer something called a Dysjunction; the Webway/Warp equivalent of a natural disaster which is a more powerful combination of earthquake/firestorm/hurricane that can spread across large parts of the Webway and really wreck Commorragh. In addition, it damages the walls of the Webway, which can allow daemons to invade all across Commorragh. Fortunately, this is rare and only happens during huge bouts of Warp-related turmoil, hence why Dark Eldar are so serious about enforcing the ban of sorcery and psychic power usage inside Commorragh.

It's only been invaded twice by Orks (that time with daemons, apart from Dysjunctions, they were summoned into Commorragh) and the second (and also only time it was in serious danger) was when Vect, plotting a coup against the ruling Archons, arranged for a ship filled with a few hundred Space Marines (in a shocking change from the norm, the [[Salamanders]], for once; [[Matt Ward]] is rumored to have had the vapors from this, though the Salamanders are frequently depicted as having a huge grudge against the Dark Eldar due to Vulkan's origin story) to be towed to the Dark City. Of course, ''most'' of Commorragh's armed forces fought the Space Marines, who managed to escape despite heavy losses.

There's also reason to believe that it was invaded by Tyranids at some point. In the audiodrama The Devil You Know, Ciaphas Cain manages to trick a Lictor into entering a Dark Eldar Webway portal, and apparently a large horde of Tyranids follow it in. We never hear about the consequences, so there's no telling if they actually made it to Commorragh or what happened in there. (Probably slavery though. Sweet tyranid slavery)

==The name==
Ironically, the term "Dark Eldar" almost never appears in universe - no one really calls them by that name. Dark Eldar call themselves just Eldar, since they think they are the only true Eldar, inheritors of the old Eldar Empire, while all other are defectors from the true Eldar path (of rape, drugs and rock-n-roll); most will admit they have a point, but whether they're outright correct is a debate for another time. Craftworlders call them the Dark Kin, Exodites - the Children of [[Khaine]], and Corsairs and Harlequins simply call them Commorites. As for other races, most of them don't know and/or care about the differences between Eldar subraces/cultures, at best distinguishing Commorites (and sometimes Corsairs too) by their MO as as pirates or raiders of Eldar, or by their appearance as Spikey Panzees. About the only people who actually use the term "Dark Eldar" in-universe are some of the Ordo Xenos Inquisitors and their acolytes, and even they also often call them Chaos or Tainted Eldar, mistakenly thinking DEldar are Chaos-worshipers.

==Tactics==
The Dark Eldar put a lot of emphasis on lightning fast piratical raids, their vehicles are lightly armoured, but are the fastest available, allowing them to get in and out as quick as possible. They have a lot of units who prefer getting up close and personal, such as Wyches and Incubus, who put emphasis on causing as much pain as possible whilst still getting home in time for tea. This doesn't mean to say they don't have good ranged weaponry, their splinter rifles fire crystalized poison and their blast weapons fire dark matter, completely annihilating anything in its path. In short, all their weapons are designed to fuck up everything they touch in the most extravagant and painful way possible. Fear, infiltration and sabotage are their main weapons, and usually their enemies don't know they are fighting the Dark Eldar until its far too late.

The Dark Eldar themselves despise a fair fight, they will use anything at their disposal and no tactic is to underhanded and no ploy too despicable. They have no code of honor (save for the incubus) and will do anything as long as they come out on top, which to them is coming away with as many slaves and stolen raw materials as possible. And when they do get home with their booty, they will open their finest wines, sit on thrones made of dead slaves, kick up their heels on living slaves being used as footrests and twirl their metaphorical handlebar mustaches. Cue evil laugh.

==Special Characters==
<s>At least the Dark Eldar actually have playable special characters now:</s> HAHA - not anymore! As of the 7th ed codex, the Deldar lost a good half of their special characters.

===RIP===
*[[Asdrubael vect| Asdrubael Vect]], the Pimp Master General of Commorragh who's now a manipulator on par with Eldrad and, impossibly, an even bigger dick. A tragic loss he is much missed; his rules helped your army like crazy and made him the deadliest non-HH infantry-sized model in 40k, impossible to re-create without lucky rolls on dice and homebrews. Why Games Workshop saw fit to remove Vect from the latest Codex is a mystery as he had a model (based on the out-of-production plastic raider kit) but given the latest trend of shifting some characters off into the Lord of War section, Vect on the Dais of Destruction would've been a nice fit, especially considering that Santa Claws based monstrosity we were given in the Space Wolves codex. He is still all over the fluff though, and has turned into some monolithic puppet master who has so much [[Just as Planned]] that fighting him would probably be the same as fighting [[Tzeentch]], except without the magic power.
*[[Lady Malys]], an anime villainess and Vect's pissed-off ex. She won [[Daemon|someone's heart]] in a contest and shoved it in her chest. She was ''okay'' as a character so her passing isn't that big a deal. She was also dropped from the rules but still also features heavily all the way through the new codex as the up and coming rival to Vect, her loss was more inexplicable since she could have easily filled the gap of special character Archon, since Succubus & Haemonculi both have theirs; but she was likely cut because she doesn't have a model and GW couldn't be bothered to give her one. She was barely any different to any other Archon rules-wise though, so she's easily recreated. It's just a shame you can't take two relics for some reason so you could have the djinn blade and the helm of spite to represent the crystal heart.
*<s>Kruellagh the Vile, possibly the worst-named character in 40K history. Also her model made her look like a cheesy DC supervillain.</s> NO LONGER EXISTS. ALL HAIL [[Phil Kelly|LORD KELLY!]]
*Lord Hellion [[Baron Sathonyx]], who many on /tg/ believe to be Spider-Man's archnemesis. Was kinda cool for his FOC-shifting abilities with respects to Hellions.
*[[Kheradruakh]] the Decapitator, who, uh, cuts peoples heads off and collects them like beanie babies. Implied to be collecting them like coconuts to do some serious warp-related shit. Was also never used because [[Counts as|Mandrakes suck]]. The most he has now is a footnote in the Mandrakes entry. He is, however, very good to count as a Callidus Assassin.
*[[Duke Sliscus]], the Pirate Duke who drinks poisons, has all the best drugs, and brings all the bitches to the yard with his gigantic [[Eldrad|cock]]. Almost as insufferable as [[Assholetep]]. Much missed because his contraband rule stopped you from rolling terrible combat drugs, and now this is gone. The rest of his rules weren't particularly special though, so you can still have him using the Archon rules.
*James P. Sullivan and Mike Wazowski, two veteran Flayed Skull marauders who discovered that Slaanesh feeds far more from their victims laughter and joy than their terror and pain. Both were brutally flayed alive and forced to eat salt-and-vinegar flavoured crisps to enhance the pain after, despite their contribution to the dark eldar race, had inadvertently destroyed Commorragh's largest plasma power generator.

===Survivors===
*[[Urien Rakarth]], a hyper-evolved Pavi Largo.
*[[Drazhar]], the Master of Blades, who does not speak and slashes other Incubi to bits from time to time just to throw his weight around. <strike>Despite him having a different name than the old Phoenix Lord of the Striking Scorpions</strike> (Drazhar is just a nickname meaning "living sword", nobody knows his real name as he just appeared one day out of nowhere, never removes his armor, and probably kills anyone who tries to touch the goods), many people believe Drazhar is Arhra. An additional piece of <strike>bait</strike> evidence is that his warsuit is much more ancient than any other one available to the incubi cults and pretty much out of their understanding, leading some to think it's -the- original warsuit. Considering Ahra disappeared after getting buttfucked by his successor and disappeared some time before Drazhar showed up, and you can pretty much piece the evidence of the <strike>mystery</strike> thinly veiled "but what if it's not trueeeeeeeee" tactic together.
*[[Lelith Hesperax]], an oversexed gladiatrix/snuff-film porn starlet so badass her fucking hair counts as a power weapon (srsly, so much implied masturbation in her profile, it's not even funny).

== Dating a Dark Eldar ==
{| border=2 cellspacing=2 cellpadding=2
|-
! Likes !! Dislikes
|- valign=top
|
* "Playthings"
* Latex
* Leather
* Whips
* Hardcore, ballbusting Sex
* Drugs
* [[Ork#Rokkas|Rock'n'Roll]]
* S/M
* Holes
* [[Truly_Immovable_Rod|Rods]]
|
* Sunshine
* Puppies
* Flowers
* John Denver
* Sobriety
* "Vanilla" sex
* Erectile Dysfunction
* Prudishness
* R&B music
* Weak constitutions
|}

==See Also==
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Dark_Eldar(7E)|Tactics/Dark Eldar]]
*[[The Enshrouded]]
*The blood spilling ones are a lot like this little, pleasant gory cartoon, motivation included: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Johnny_the_Homicidal_Maniac_characters#Johnny_.22Nny.22_C.]

{{Dark Eldar-Characters}}
{{Dark Eldar-Forces}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Dark eldar.jpg|
Image:Commorragh Runner.jpg
Image:40kshock.jpg
Image:Commorragh.jpg|What is up?
File:Blackholeinabox.jpg#file.png|Oh, that wacky Vect.
File:Duke_uses_poison.jpg#file.png|Kill like a DEldar, DEldar.
Image:Dark_Eldar_Combat_Drugs_-_Not_Even_Once_2.png| Combat drugs: Not even once.
Image:Advice_Darkeldar.jpg.jpg|No, no, you got it right the first time.
Image:Wrack by moonskinned-d5tx8oj.jpg|He's only a gimp but he's not that funny.
Image:LynnminwenCD.jpg|Buying this CD is [[Heresy]]! Download it from torrent.
File:1381591104255.jpg|Lelith Hesperax, right after killing someone and cleaning off the blood.
Image:Dark_Eldar.png|...but at least you can't call them quitters! Keep fucking that chicken!
Image:Idealized.jpg|Fucking [[My Little Pony|Pony]] nonsense... Fucking with... Sense of... What were we talking about?
File:Warhammer 40k sisters of battle adeptas sororitas battling Dark Eldar.jpg|If an army of evil space-dominatrices squared off against an army of semi-heroic space nuns, who would win? We don't care its HAWT.
File:Wych_Battle.jpg|Some armies clad their dedicated combat units in armor that covers more than areolas and genitals. Some armies are for ''pussies''.
Image:Talos pain engine by moonskinned-d5tx8v6.jpg| "Well, look. I mean, is he gonna be able to chase us? Cause if I woke up lookin' like that, I would just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it."
Image:Inception.jpg|Your daily commute in Commorragh, except everyone's an [[Dwarf Fortress|elf-rapist]], the pistols shoot poison that can kill robots, and the chicks are soul-sucking crack whore gladiators.
</gallery></center>

{{WH40k-Factions}}

Harlequin

2016-10-29T15:25:58Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* 7th Edition */

{{Wh40k-stub}}
[[File:Eldar Harlequin.jpg|thumb|Break a leg? Why limit myself?]]

The Harlequins are the [[Eldar]] followers of [[Cegorach]], the Laughing God. They are the performers and entertainers of the Eldar, the self-appointed protectors of the Eldar's pre-fall history, which they perform in extremely elaborate plays. They are also some of the most dangerous shock-troopers among the Eldar, taking the concept of "break a leg" as far as you would expect in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. As part of their role as self-appointed keepers of history, they also guard the [[Black Library]] from those who would gain entry, allowing only those who have conquered the [[Chaos]] within them to enter.

The Harlequins in times of war fight the foes they see as posing a threat to the very existence of the Eldar first and foremost, namely Chaos, the Necrons, and the Tyranids. The Imperials, Tau, and even Orks can be worked with and, unlike most Eldar, the Harlequins are free of racial prejudice, so long as you battle the threats to all things and aren't attacking them/getting in their way, they're perfectly happy to work with you even if you are a Mon'Keigh or Greenskin. Which makes them one of the most [[Reasonable Marines|levelminded]] factions in the setting and helps make them a very likeable faction.

== The glue that keeps the Eldar together ==

They owe no allegiance to any [[Craftworld]], Corsair Fleet, Exodite maiden world, or [[Dark Eldar]] [[Kabal]], but rather recruit members from all factions, and will fight in the armies on all sides. Their only loyalty is to [[Cegorach]], whom they believe has charged them with the "Great Work" of reunifying the Craftworld Eldar, Corsairs, Dark Eldar, and [[Exodite]] Eldar into a single race to fight off [[Slaanesh]], the Necrons, and whoever else has a bone to pick with the chosen of the Old Ones. It is notable that they do not use the methods to keep their souls safe like the others do - their faith in Cegorach, complete after going through the Trial to become a Harlequin, is enough to keep them safe. Despite this, they are allowed free passage through the Craftworlds and [[Commorragh]], because the Craftworld and Exodite Eldar respect the Harlequins for preserving their history, and the Dark Eldar and Corsairs <s>are ''too afraid'' to try and stop them</s> find Death Jesters' humor hilarious; they also couldn't keep the Harlequins out if they tried due to the Harlequins superior knowledge of, and ability to use, the Webway.

This also makes the Harlequins the closest thing to a central authority the Eldar species has. While the other factions may not necessarily answer to the clowns, when they speak, everyone from Commorragh pimps and Craftworld wizards to Exodite farmers and Corsair pirates, listens. Even [[Asdrubael Vect]] has to make sure and pin it on someone else whenever he gets up to skullduggery that might make the Harlequins mad.

== Eldar Ambassadors? ==
[[Image:Harlequin.jpg|They actually are this hot in the series, but most people are too busy screaming in pain to comment on it.|thumb|right]]
Notable as [[xenos]] to the [[Imperium]] as well, since the Harlequins do not restrict their visits to the Eldar - in the Harlequin's view, they must perform their work for anyone and everyone who may benefit and learn the lessons from The Fall, and along the way inspire a little more hope for the galaxy. Thus Harlequin troupes are a frequent sight on Imperial worlds, and exceptionally among xenos, the Imperium allows the Harlequin traveling bands full access to their worlds, as even the [[High Lords of Terra]] feel that one can only benefit from the beautiful plays.''Citation Needed'' (The High Lords of Terra also know it'd be impossible to take direct action against Eldar Harlequins as a whole, and maybe [[Rip and Tear|bad for their health too]].) The Star Leopards Space Marines chapter slapped around a few for [[troll|desecrating a Land Raider]], once, but that was a personal matter. Elaborate in form, but simple in message, the plays allow humans to understand the [[Chaos|Great Enemy]] and what can be done. Unfortunately for pretty much everyone, most Imperials can't tell the difference between different kinds of Eldar, assume that Eldar are [[Eldrad|dirty liars]] by default, and tend to answer [[Dark_Eldar|xenos visitors]] with volleys of [[Grimdark|lasfire]].

Judging from their allies matrix, it's fortunate at least humans listen to them (so far as humans listen to any Eldar), since the [[Tau]] worlds they're invited to play on are inevitably met with an endless earful and counters about the fucking [[Greater Good]]. They don't play on [[Necron]] tombs given that the Necrons are the oldest foes of the Eldar and the two have brought each other nothing but grief over the last few billion years, and Harlequins work to fight against them just as hard as they do against Chaos. Don't even fucking ask if they play on [[Ork]] worlds (they probably do, but have to modify the dialogue to grunting and swearing and cockney slang). It's presumed that they did try to play for the [[Tyranid]]s only once, but found out the space bug-lizards have no appreciation for art; hence why it was decided that they would be added right next to Chaos and the Necrons on the mandate to kill-on-sight-and-annoy-the-hell-out-of.

==The Final Act AKA The Last Troll==
In recent years, the Harlequins' war against Chaos has been characterised by a newfound urgency. Full masques have become an ever more common sight among the stars. Appearing from the Webway, they can be found performing within the realms of their kin or battling the galaxy's disparate races in vicious campaigns of apparently random violence. As the 41st Millennium comes to a close, more and more Eldar vanish into the Webway, forsaking their former lives to take up the Harlequin's mask. The Harlequins' numbers are growing, and many among the Eldar wonder why. The truth is inspirational and terrifying in equal measure. At the very heart of the Black Library there lies a silver-lit vault. Therein stands a plinth made of finely graven obstinite, upon which rests a crystalline book said to contain the words of Cegorach himself. Since the Fall, the tome’s covers have remained closed, sealed shut with flickering chains of light. Yet now, long-awaited portents have come to pass. A fallen sorcerer seeks the lore of the library. A king stirs in his court of death and silence, preparing to rise once more. Within madness' eye, the champion of the Ruinous Powers prepares to seize a realm long denied. As the signs have come to pass, so the bands of light about the tome have flickered and died.

Now, at last, the tome has fallen open. Within its pages the Shadowseers have found a script, a secret final act that changes utterly the tale of the Fall. Penned in inks of light and shadow, these words present a slender hope, detailing an intricate, galaxy-spanning performance with the potential to change the fate of the Eldar race. Always, the strands of fate have pointed toward the victory of Chaos during the last, mythic battle known to the Eldar as the Rhana Dandra. Yet within the pages of the crystal tome is recorded Cegorach's ultimate and final [[Troll|jest,]] a way to trick Slaanesh into [[Lulz|expending all her power not to destroy the Eldar, but to save them.]] How such an impossibility could come to pass is unclear, for on this matter the final act is infuriatingly vague. Yet the Harlequins take their god's words on faith alone, for their devotion to Cegorach is total and his methods beyond question or reproach. Thus they have begun the steps of this final dance, and will see it completed, or else face absolute destruction in the attempt.

== 7th Edition ==

They are currently in the process of being brought into their own army, with new models for all members of the troupe, plus new models and rules for the solitaire and a new Eldar Jetbike, the skyweaver. There are also two new vehicles, the starweaver (a transport) and the voidweaver. In addition, shadowseers are getting their own new psychic discipline, <s>Shadow</s> Phantasmancy. Currently they are battle brothers with the Eldar (both dark and normal, they don't discriminate), allies of convenience with the Imperium and Tau, desperate allies with Orks and come the apocalypse with chaos daemons/marines, necrons and tyranids.

See also: [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Eldar Harlequins(7E)]]

{{Harlequin}}
{{Eldar-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Eldar]]
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Lost and the Damned

2016-10-29T15:25:16Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* The Traitorous Regiments */

{{Oldschool}}
{{Cleanup}}

[[File:WH Faces (5).jpg|300px|right|thumb|FOR CHAOS!!]]
[[Image:Cultist-chan01.jpg|thumb|300px|right|FHOR KAY-OSS!!]]

The '''Lost and the Damned''' are the various Chaos-following cultists, pirates, rebels, mutants, renegade [[Imperial Guard|Guardsmen]], and so forth that are not [[Chaos Space Marines]] or [[Daemons]], but fight alongside them for the Dark Gods. They're mostly known for their fanaticism, narm[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Narm], disposability, and alternations between complete brilliance and mind-shattering idiocy (largely depending on the individual group). Most members of the Lost and the Damned are considered at least 50% as ballsy as their Imperial counterparts, which is fairly ballsy by [[Grimdark|the standards of the 41st Millennium]].

Once upon a wonderful time, [[Games Workshop|the powers that be]] gave them an army list of their own in Codex: Eye of Terror (the sourcebook for the [[13th Black Crusade]] campaign). Sadly, Games Workshop dropped support for the army as soon as the campaign was over, screwing over everyone that collected an army of them and making them our generation's [[Squat]]s. As usual, of course, [[Forge World]] went completely around Games Workshop (Foregeworld is part of Games Workshop PLC and answers to the same management, which makes people's bashing of GW and love of Forgeworld utterly perplexing) and not only still carries renegade Guardsmen, but also publishes an army list for them, called Renegades & Heretics, which can be found in [[Imperial Armour]] Vol. 5: The Siege of Vraks Part 1 ([[Khorne|Khornate-]] and [[Nurgle|Nurglite-]]themed variants can be found in IA 6 & 7, respectively). There are also a few fandices that have been made (which will be listed below) but they're completely unofficial. There's also the option of creatively using Allies to combine Chaos Space Marines or Daemons with Imperial Guard, as well as simply [[Khorne|painting your Guardsmen red and shouting BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD whenever you get a chance]].

Of course, none of these options really cover the variety that might be found within the Lost and the Damned, as most focus on renegade Guardsmen and maybe a few other eclectic options.

==And you thought the Guard was rough==
So, you have managed to defect from the Imperium and joined the ranks of the Lost and the Damned. You had been drafted and taken from your dreary but comparatively peaceful home that you shall never see again, taken across the galaxy to a place you have never heard of to die in a war you have never heard of in the name of the Emperor. You have lived off shit rations, been bullied and bossed around and threatened by men in nice [[hats]] and then those voices in the back of your head came offering an escape for all that. And you have managed to somehow switch sides and join up with the local chaos force, everything is going to get better right?

Think again.

First of all, while you have switched heaps, you are still at the bottom. And while your old bosses might have been puritanical callous slave drivers, at least they were sane ([[Meme|ORLY?]]). Sided with [[Slaanesh]], well [[anal circumference|prepare your anus]]. Sided with [[Khorne]], hope to hell that you don't get set with a delay or have to go on a long march or get pinned down among your fellow psychopaths, because he only cares that it flows, and no, not that ''"it"'', that's Slaanesh domain. [[Tzeench]]? Well, expect to be expended in [[just as planned|someone's schemes]]. [[Nurgle]]? Hope you like becoming a walking pile of sores, blisters and pustules with random bits falling off while smelling of a mixture of slaughterhouse runoff, old gym socks and vomit (alright, to be fair you won't care about that, being Nurglite and all).

On top of that, your leaders are completely fucking nuts and you are their punching bag. Alright, some are better than others (though the same goes for the guard that your heretical ass left) but the bottom bar for chaos leaders is going to be lower. Chaos is more, well, chaotic. Seeing someone shot because the boss had one of his little moments or knifed in the back because someone forgot where he put his socks and accuses someone else in your Warband of stealing them is not going to be uncommon. Now if you are a scheming bastard, a good demagogue, an exceptional fighter or simply lucky/favoured by the gods you might be able to go up in rank (though generals die in the guard as well and someone's gotta fill those gaps). That said, this is quite a cut-throat business. On a related note, the forces of chaos are also [[Malal|opposed to themselves]]; in absence of loyalists or orks and such, a battle between servants of rival chaos gods is inevitable. Even if you are fighting a loyalist force or some orks, you still better keep an eye out for rival chaos worshipers.

Then there is support. If nothing else the Imperium has the edge in Industry and general manpower. You will generally have to make do with much less than you did in the Guard and much of your gear is likely going to be looted from people who don't want you looting their stuff. Now [[Daemons]], some mutations and the blessings of the Chaos goods might be helpful, but that brings up the risk of getting into [[Chaos Spawn|Chaos Spa-urh]], going-even-lower-down-the-command-chain-than-you-already-were-while-losing-your-brain-in-the-process-territory. Finally, you've had enough of this? Well too bad. There is no going back, [[Heretic]] scum.

On the other hand, if you survive, have the skills to pay the bills, and satisfy the Dark Gods, the sky's the goddamned limit. You could even be a champion yourself some day, or perhaps even a [[Daemon Prince]]. It's happened before. All it takes is ambition and a willingness to survive (and the ability to not die from a [[blam|bolter slug to the face]]). No one said this was going to be easy.

==Games Workshop does it again==
The Lost and the Damned army list was a hell of a lot of fun, and was designed for those who had scored Codex: [[Warp|Eye of Terror]] for campaigns. The idea was simple: an army full of non-Marines dedicated to Chaos - pirates and raiders and cultists and mortal warriors devoted to Chaos, all under one banner, albeit with Chaos Marines allowable as Elites (and you could even get a cheaper, if weaker, Chaos Lord/Sorcerer as an HQ).

[[File:Bigmutant.jpg|300px|left|thumb|'''YOU ERASED MY HIGH SCORES ON ''TETRIS''?!'''.]]

The combination of lots of modding possibility, a potentially characterful army, and some interesting ideas to differentiate it from the Imperial Guard went a long way towards endearing it to players, since the idea of cultist units had been toyed with before in the previous Chaos Codex, with the [[Alpha Legion]]. This was taking it to its logical conclusion, and suffice to say, some people thought this was [[Awesome|pretty cool]]. Forge World saw potential here as well, and to promote the new army list, put out some bad-ass new resin-cast models. Several people started to get into the new army, and there was a lot of [[Derp]] and win as players used this to put out some truly entertaining army lists, from Zombie Apocalypse setups backed with heavy armor, to squads of Traitors backed by Mutants and APCs.

True to form, however, the second that the official tournaments of the season ended, Games Workshop abruptly stopped supporting the army entirely, refused to allow Lost and the Damned armies into future tournaments, pretended the previously-supported army [[Squats|didn't exist]], and left players with naught but the [[Counts As]] rule to keep them company - and then there was [[RAGE]]. A few fortunate souls - the ones focusing on infantry and not-Chaos armor - could get away with using their killy and flash models as a viable Imperial Guard army, but these players were a distinct minority, since a lot of players had used the rules to field more versatile, interesting, or outlandish lists, especially given how expensive the models from [[Forge World]] are.

Fuck ''you'', GW - although, as GW [[squats|has consistently behaved this way for decades]], at some point one has to blame the players for expecting anything different to happen. Of course being followers of Chaos one can't blame them completely for expecting something totally unlikely to happen.

But all is not lost, for the [[Forge World]] Siege of Vraks sourcebooks each contain a variant Lost and the Damned list at the end. Part one has rules for a vanilla [[Chaos Undivided]] force, Part two has rules for a Khornate force (with Berzerkers as an elite option), and Part three has rules for a Nurgle force (with Plague Marines as elites). Still rather luckluster though, as the limited units and god choices in the army made it rather obvious they were primarily intended for the Vraks campaign even though Forge World's website said they could be used for other renegades if needed. But then Imperial Armour 13 came out...

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Chaos]]

==6th Edition==

6th edition brought with it rules for allying between armies, which though full of [[Derp]] and [[Rage]] due to odd combinations, did allow an Imperial Guard army to ally to Chaos Marines or Daemons (albeit only as Desperate Allies). This, combined with the return of Plague Zombies and Chaos Cultists in Codex: Chaos Space Marines, allowed for the Lost and the Dammed to be used (more or less) in sixth edition. Forge World also updated their Renegades & Heretics army list from the Siege of Vraks series, allowing them to ally with the Guard, Chaos Marines, or Daemons. Sadly, neither of these options entirely captured the flavour of a Lost and the Damned army---the Siege of Vraks series was, by that point, badly outdated, and allying Imperial Guard to Chaos Marines had severe restrictions (and, anyway, Imperial Guard aren't quite the same as Lost and the Damned).

==7th Edition==
While 7E started off with a similarly bleak outlook with only the badly outdated Vraks rules, now under suspicion with the underwhelming options and Imperial Guard now being desperate allies at best with Chaos, Forge World managed to pick up on GW's slacking ass by releasing '''Imperial Armour 13''', a new sourcebook that not only showed off some new super-toys for the regular Chaos armies, but also brought in a much larger army list more suited for 7E. Now instead of just an undivided, Khorne, and Nurgle army loosely using similar units, now the army could haul out not only some of the new Chaos toys including the [[Noise Marines]] and the Sonic [[Dreadnought]], a shitton of tanks, and a new specialty system allowing for other armies like a Heretek army using old Mechanicus shit and a daemon-casting army.

Is it a great army? Jury's still out on that, because the book's still sorta new, but some issues still persist like random leadership and only one named hero available. Is it an improvement? You bet your fucking ass that this is, even if your units start off with a meager BS2.

If you wish to judge it for yourself before selling your soul to Forge World, [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Renegades_and_Heretics(7E)|take a gander over here.]].

==Fandex alternatives==

Being one of the most popular ideas out there for IG conversions, many players have obviously taken to creating their own versions of the LatD codex. Here is a list of the people who have come up with their own fandexes (will be updated as more are found):

*Chaos Gerbil's fandex (is currently asking for more playtesters, but codex is pretty solid) [http://bloodofkittens.com/chaosgerbil/files/2012/02/Codex_Lost_and_The_Damned_ChaosGerbil_v5.pdf] Here's a link to his blog as well so you guys can keep up with his updates [http://bloodofkittens.com/chaosgerbil/].

*The Tempus Fugitives had their own version. Sadly, their website went down, but it can still be found here: [http://www.cold-moon.com/40k/40kRP/PDF/Alternate%20Codexes/Tempus%20Fugitives%20-%20Codex%20Lost%20and%20the%20Damned/Codex%20Lost%20and%20the%20Damned.pdf].

==The Traitorous Regiments==

Like the Imperial Guard, the Traitors of the Imperium come in a huge variety of flavors, all ripe for different customization ideas. From those who want their freedom from the oppression of the Imperium, to those who become corrupted with Chaos, there's plenty to choose from. The following is a list of the renegades found in the universe of Warhammer 40k so far. Also, I'll provide some advice on where to find people who have done conversions for those regiments already. More information can be found on the Warhammer 40k wikia and Lexicanum on these groups.

*'''Blood Pact:''' This renegade group originally hails from the [[Dan Abnett|Sabbat Worlds sector]]. They worship [[Khorne]] almost exclusively, but they're much better organized than the rabble usually found in the Lost and the Damned. This is mostly because they pattern themselves after Imperial Guard. Unlike most renegade groups, however, they've actually captured some industrial and [[Forge World]]s, so they can field tanks (even super-heavy tanks!). They also have some fairly unique divisions, such as Loxatl xenos mercenaries, unique psykers (yes, really, [[Rage|Khornate Sorcerers]], but it's okay, because it was made up by [[Dan Abnett]]) called Gore Mages that turn renegades into special Daemonhosts called Blood Wolves, and Storm Trooper equivalents. Technically, however, they aren't ''renegades,'' but rather an independent, Chaos-worshipping nation that had never been under control of the [[Imperium]], at least not in living memory. As such, they have a rather unique set of customs, such as cutting their hands on pieces of power armor as an initiation ritual (hence Blood Pact). They also dye their uniforms with the blood of their enemies and display corpses on their tanks. As you can probably tell, [[/tg/]] adores these guys.
**Conversion opportunities abound. In fact, some people have even made full Blood Pact armies. The most impressive belongs to Dave Taylor; in addition to the full counts-as-Imperial-Guard army, he also scratch-built a Stalk Tank and wrote a datasheet of rules for it. You can find it here: [http://davetaylorminiatures.blogspot.com/2009/10/family-album.html].
**A note of caution: the Blood Pact wear special Oni-styled masks that will take considerable time to model with green stuff. For your converting convenience, here's a link for head swaps with Oni masks: [http://www.thewarstore.com/product61269.html].

*'''Sons of Sek:''' Because the Blood Pact is so awesome, you can't have just one warband. The Sons of Sek are an elite force under the command of Anakwanar Sek (hence the name), who wants to take control of the Sabbat Worlds for himself. They function pretty much the same as the Blood Pact and, by extension, the Guard. However, they do have a couple of unique features, like a Commissaresque commander called a Scourger and an even better-organized, elite force than the Blood Pact.

*'''Vraskian Renegades:''' Basically the "default" renegade army, as [[Forge World]] sells models and provides an army list for them (although it works well enough for most armies). As their name implies, they come from the munitions-storage world of Vraks, where (soon-to-be-Apostate) Cardinal Xaphan decided to secede from the Imperium. He earned the support of the (heavily-armed) populace by telling them that the rest of the Imperium had fallen to Chaos and they were the last untainted humans left. [[Plague of Unbelief|Hey, that sounds familiar!]] The very small percentage of the population that knew the truth of his fall to Chaos became his enforcers and bodyguards. Of course, this was all [[Just as Planned]] by the [[Alpha Legion]], who then threw their support behind the rebellion (hence why they can field Chaos Space Marines as Elites). Also, being from a munitions-storage world, they get access to old-school, super-cool, super-heavies like the [[Malcador]].
**Here is a kickass Vraks renegade squad for some inspiration (7th row, middle column): [http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/content/article.jsp?categoryId=&pIndex=10&aId=13000009a&multiPageMode=true&start=11].

*Carnibales: an uprising occurred on the planet Solo-Baston when the Ecclesiarchy (in all their infinite wisdom) started taking the lands away from the natives. Not liking this, the indigenous population was guided by 2 pairs of [[Blood Gorgons]] Chaos Space Marines (who are by all accounts awesome.) They saw the opportunity in the natives plight and trained them in guerrilla tactics. They also smuggled advanced weapons from offworld which were then assembled by the rebels. Once the rebellion was in full swing, the Ecclesiarchy hadn't anticipated so many rebels, believing the rebellion to be small. The Carnibales (as they were now known) had managed to capture the planet and executed anyone still loyal to the Imperium. The Imperial Guard eventually came to reclaim the planet but where held off and defeated(!) thanks to the Earthshaker cannon (supersized) the Carnibales captured. After that, the Blood Gorgons added the planet to their growing list of captured planets who enjoy their protection (no sarcasm, they really are not that bad for csm, they love freedom and rebelled against the oppressive Imperium and help others free themselves.)
**Given the fact that their name seems to be derived from Spanish and that they use guerrilla tactics, think South American rebels. They also have special leaders called Disciples, who follow the teachings of the Blood Gorgons. They are injected with daemon blood and mutated to superhuman levels of strength. Multiple opportunities for conversions. I suggest using the WHFB Chaos sorcerers as Disciples.
**<s>Carnibales are basically space Taliban</s> jungle guerrilla fighters. The author who created them, Henry Zou, is an Afghan war vet. Seriously, loose guerrilla army that uses hit and run attacks, hides out in local villages, and receives external support from a clandestine foreign source? <s>That's either Taliban or Vietcong</s> Vietcong or latinoamerican guerrilla as the setting of the novel Flesh and Iron is at a jungle world which looks and feels like the Amazonian or Vietnam jungle. Either way, a good look for that sort of force would be just standard dudes in simple clothing (ie the black pajamas worn by the Vietcong) with assorted small arms, think of the rebels in the first Predator movie.
***The Vraksian Renegades army list is the best suited for this group. They have the Apostate Preachers and Enforcers that can be modeled to be Disciples. They also use light weight skimmers called spikers and one can use the Vraksian salamander's stats for it. Overall the list has the guerrilla warfare feel of the Carnibales.
***Given their "armed feudal-worlders" background and insurgent guerrilla army influence, kitbashing [[Tallarn Desert Raiders|Tallarn]] and [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|Catachan]] infantry kits together would make for some good looking models, just be sure to "Chaos them up" a bit.

*Brethren of Fire: A [[Tzeentch]]ian LatD force that arose when the entire PDF of the sepulcher world Tachira went [[Chaos|full-on-heretic]] from the Imperium's failure to stop constant depredations by the [[Dark Eldar]]. Led by a Tzeentchian Chaos Lord-in-exile, the newly extra-heretical forces took complete control of the planet and managed to drive Imperial forces off-world before a warp storm enshrouded it. They've since emerged numerous times, seeking slaves and plunder, and backed by a small number of Chaos Marines. Their force organization is based only loosely on the Imperial Guard model, having phased out Imperial Guard recon units in favor of [[Stalk Tank]]s and Mutant packs, though they possess production capabilities and considerable heavy armor, including [[Baneblade|Decimator Super-Heavy Tank]]s.

*The Ironclad: Mr. Zou also brings another cool army, the Ironclad, a pirate and marauder army which are somehow connected with the Carnibales (we won't spoil you here how, just go read the Bastion Wars trilogy) they are an assault horde oriented force which boasts wheeled light tanks and shock armored infantry, any Warhammer Fantasy model with iron plate armour (hence their name) will work great for them, along with some Tauros Venator and Testudos, of special note is that the setting of The Emperor's Mercy where they appear features a lot of desert geography, so you may mix sand and metallic colours to bring a very nice visual effect, oh, and they are allies with the Blood Gorgons (the guy in the 6th edition CSM book cover is a Blood Gorgon), so this opens the possibility for wonderful ingame alliances.

*[[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine|Chosen of Nemeroth]]: While this isn't in fact a true regiment and rather a warband of [[Chaos Space Marines]], it does have its own traitor Guardsmen, all wearing a closed helmet with glowing green light and shooting green beams with the lasguns, suggesting they might have something to do with [[Nurgle]]. Why they are in a warband like that is unknown, but might just be there to give the warband some bodies. Their main strategy is to drown the enemy in grenades and agro the shit out of them so the [[Chaos Space Marines|real deal]] can aim their plasma cannon properly. They are absolute pushovers in melee combat and will always try and keep themselves away from the fray, but good [[Emperor|lord]] do you need to get close to them anyway - In comparison to [[Ork|other]] [[Chaos Space Marines|enemies]] in the game. they are small and nimble as fuck, so shooting them can be risky and generally wasted business.

''More regiments coming soon.''

{{Template:Lost-and-Damned}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

Daemon

2016-10-29T15:24:51Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* See Also */

[[File:Daemon Medieval.jpg|thumb|right|400px]]
The word Daemon, or "''δαίμων ‎''", originated from Greek mythology, and was the term for spirits of nature and, well, anything but the Olympian gods. It wasn't a negative term at all, but rather a term that described creatures other than humans and animals, but as they often had ethics that was just as alien, they could seem malevolent at times. In Roman mythology, the term evolved to describe two guardian spirits who all people had attached to them, one benevolent and one malevolent. In /tg/ culture, daemon occasionally pops up as an alternative to "demon" or "devil" as the terminology for the fiendish races. The most iconic example of Daemons on /tg/ are those from the Warhammer settings.

==Dungeons & Dragons and Pathfinder==
[[Dungeons & Dragons]] has long used the term Daemon to refer to their Neutral Evil fiendish race, in contrast to the Lawful Evil Devils and the Chaotic Evil Demons. With the notorious anti-Satanic panic, daemons were renamed as [[Yugoloth]]s in the [[Planescape]] setting, much as devils and demons became [[Baatezu]] and [[Tanar'ri]], respectively. See the [[Yugoloth]] page for more details.

In [[Pathfinder]], daemons are again the Neutral Evil fiendish race, because yugoloths aren't in the OGL. Born from the souls of Neutral Evil mortals, each breed of daemon embodies a specific kind of death, in comparison to the sin-born demons. For example, hydrodaemons represent death by drowning, whilst thanatodaemons represent death by old age. Answering to the four archdaemons, styled after the Horsemen of the Apocalypse - that is, Famine, War, Pestilence and Death - they hearken back to older descriptions of Neutral Evil in that they ''hate'' life itself. In the Pathfinder setting's closest equivalent to the [[Blood War]], daemons seek to annihilate all life, trying to sweep the multiverse clean of all life other than daemonkind. Once they have achieved that goal, they will then turn on each other, fighting to the death until only one daemon remains in existence. That daemon will take a moment to savor the emptiness of existence... and then commit suicide. They hate life that much.

[[Category: Dungeons & Dragons]]

==Infernum==
In the D20 game [[Infernum]] by Mongoose Publishing, Daemon is the highest of the "common" titles, the furthest rank a hellspawn can achieve without becoming a noble of some description. It is awarded only to hellspawn who prove themselves true masters in a particular field of expertise - combat, diplomacy, spying, etcetera - and usually requires formal duels between would-be contestants under the eye of a local Captain. Ascending to the rank of Daemon awards a hellspawn with 2000 bonus experience points and grants them their first Noble Mutation.

==Warhammer==
{{heresy}}

[[File:M3060166a 2xl.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Just remember that the next time you rage at your mates for [[That Guy|being a douche]] or something, you're creating one of these.]]

''"Only a fool trusts a Daemon. They are made of the very stuff of change, the raw madness of the Warp made manifest. However, like men, Daemons are creatures of greed, pride, and arrogance, and these are things I trust completely."'' -[[Abaddon]] the Despoiler, either being pretty awesome or talking complete bullshit depending on your point of view.

'''Daemons''' are powerful beings, neither real nor unreal, which do not obey the laws of physics; indeed, their very existence is a warping of reality. They reside within the [[Warp|Realm of Chaos]], and usually are organized into groups obeying the rule of [[Chaos Gods]].

Daemons are functionally immortal in that even if their physical forms are destroyed in real space; their essence will return back into the Warp/RoC where they will be ready to wreak havoc once they have another opportunity to go back, unless there are special circumstances preventing them from doing so such as being trapped in an object (such as a Tesseract Labyrinth or enchanted item), or special incantations that imprison it. It ''is'' however also possible to give a daemon "true death" in that it is permanently erased from existence, but this normally requires a incredibly rare artifacts, absurdly complicated rituals, or a psyker/wizard of immense power.

Lesser daemons like [[Bloodletter]]s can normally be banished back by a proper bashing with a mace or a few dozen shots from a lasgun, or with a simple chant of a certain scripture that daemons fear. Greater Daemons, like a [[Bloodthirster]] or [[Great Unclean One]], will normally either require ''extremely'' powerful dakka the size of [[Baneblade|Baneblades]] or in Fantasy mass-stabbing from spears, cannon balls, or the intervention of the [[Daemonhunters]] and similar specialists. Banishing Greater Daemons and Daemon Princes from real space for a long time often requires rituals which involve uttering daemon true name, which is a secret to begin with, almost always unpronounceable for human, long enough to take minutes to utter, and can have nasty spells (like ones that fill your lungs with molten brimstone) included into them - and all this must happen while angry daemon does his best to slaughter ritual participants.

It should be noted that even though the word "Daemon" is their widely accepted name by the mortal races, it is not necessarily the name they call themselves. One Daemon in 40k even remarks that it is merely a name given to them by mortals (generally humans) due to its Satanic origin (even if it technically has a more neutral, Greek origin, but scratch that, current fluff writers aren't the authors of the RoC and just because it's a Daemon doesn't mean it knows jack shit about history). In conversations with mortals they actually like or at least tolerate daemons often call themselves "Neverborn", and many of the Chaos worshipers prefer to use this term.

===[[Warhammer Fantasy]]===
In Fantasy they are made of [[Warhammer Magic|magic]], the source of (most) of which is the Realm of Chaos, and feed upon/inspire certain emotions in mortal beings. Thanks to the magical nature of the world, Daemons have little trouble manifesting within the world if they can find entrance to it. Indeed, any place that the Winds of Magic linger for too long can create Daemons of various kinds which will usually haul themselves towards the nearest place living (usually sapient) beings are found and wreak havoc, and after being "slain" find themselves within the Realm of Chaos for the first time. They can possess hosts, although the weak mortal frames limit their power and usually this is only done to commit acts of mischief.

===[[Warhammer 40,000]]===
In [[Warhammer 40,000]] they are manifestations of the psychic emotions of psychically powerful species and individuals, like [[humanity]] and [[Eldar]]. They reside in the chaotic and hellish psychic dimension known as the Warp.
Daemons can only enter realspace under certain conditions, like being summoned in a ceremony or crossing through a warp rift. Even then, because they are made of warp energy and solidified emotion, they don't last long outside of the Warp, so in order to stick around, they have to either drag the Warp into realspace (resulting in a [[Daemon World]] in extreme circumstances) or be bound in a host. [[Psykers]] are the preferred choice of host, especially the powerful and uncontrolled ones, and they also happen to be a favorite method of opening [[Warp]] rifts -- their powers make them shine in the Warp, which attracts daemons like moths to a flame; all the daemons have to do is wait for the psyker's control to falter, and move in to take possession.
Sometimes, [[Heresy|stupid people]] try to become a daemon, often a cult commiting mass suicide, in order for their souls to fuse, much like what the Emperor did, but instead of reincarnating (since they can't) their souls will then join and become a daemon, because of their chaotic natures. Since souls are not sentient, someone's soul is not him, [[FAIL|and it doesn't count as immortality]]. Daemon-Prince-hood however does, but you will suffer an eternity of Derp from Games Workshop.

===Types===
Ever since the ancient Realms of Chaos sourcebooks, daemons have been divided into three groups: Greater Daemons, Lesser Daemons, and Daemonic Creatures.

==== Greater Daemons ====
Greater Daemons are the most powerful of the Chaos God's immortal servants, and it's Very Bad News when they arrive in the real world. They are also the most difficult to banish, as they inevitably have tremendously long names, not to mention enough power to give any would-be banishers a hard time. Fortunately for those living in realspace, Greater Daemons are also the most difficult to summon: they require great sacrifices and elaborate ceremonies to even enter the real world, and will not last long without continued exposure to [[Warp]] energy. Unfortunately, where Greater Daemons go, hordes of lesser daemons inevitably follow. Greater Daemons are capable of independent thought and are highly intelligent, though this intelligence is heavily influenced by the emotions that form them. However, old fluff (the Realm of Chaos 5th edition army book from [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle|WFB]]) claimed they do not actually have a true personality or even a consciousness-they were simply hollow husks who did [[just as planned|their master's bidding]] and are merely extensions of their god's presence. Any Daemon with a sort of will of their own was instead a [[Daemon Prince]]. This is no longer canon, as former Daemon Princes are now Greater Daemons. Some Greater Daemons are in fact mortals who were particularly revered by their chosen god (barring [[Dechala]], who was just Slaanesh being a troll).

Khorne's Greater Daemons are [[Bloodthirster]]s, giant axe-wielding warriors with massive leather wings. They are [[Angry Marines|always angry, all the time]].

Slaanesh's Greater Daemons are [[Keeper of Secrets|Keepers of Secrets]], each carefully formed to tempt their foes and each looking to experience as many sensations as possible. Their appearance depends on <s>Slaanesh's mood</s> GW's policy at the time of creating them.

Nurgle's Greater Daemons are [[Great Unclean One]]s, whose joviality is infectious...literally. They are so plague-ridden that they excrete daemons from every available opening.

Tzeentch's Greater Daemons are [[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]], bird-like sorcerer daemons capable of predicting the future. They like to make [[Just as planned|plans]].

Malal's Greater Daemons are "Guardian of Contradictions", looking like giant daemon goats with a woman's head for a tail. So far they are the closest interpretation we can get on what they actually look like. The name is only fanwankery based on concept art by [[Tony Ackland]] for Malal's Daemons which was never made into models.

Great Horned Rat's Greater Daemons are [[Verminlord]]s, miniature versions of himself which represent his values (all of which are simply acting like a massive asshole) as well as the values of the Skaven clans (e.g. killing, defiling, killing, proliferating and killing).

Like the Heralds, which are Exalted Lesser Daemons, there are also Exalted Greater Daemons (Exalted Bloodthirster, Exalted Lord of Change, Exalted Great Unclean One, Exalted Keeper of Secrets, and Exalted Verminlord.) They are usable in [[Storm of Magic]] as Bound Monsters - creatures summoned through the Warp and binded to their summoners through Bound Scrolls. That doesn't stop them from NOMMING their masters given the chance, though.

==== Lesser Daemons ====
The lesser daemons are the most common sort, and serve as the foot soldiers for the legions of [[Chaos]]. Each one is roughly on par with a couple of [[Empire]] soldiers in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]] (generally stronger in close combat, but mostly lacking ranged attacks), or a [[Space Marine]]/[[Imperial Guard]] stormtrooper in [[Warhammer 40,000]]; they form the Core of a [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]] Daemons of Chaos army, and the Troops of a [[Warhammer 40,000]] Chaos Daemons army.

It's worth noting that the canon for many of the Daemons was changed by [[Phil Kelly|this fucker]]. The entire nature of the Daemons in general was mutated in his WH40K Daemon codex, and arguably not for the better. Whilst Bloodletters and Screamers are largely unchanged, Daemonettes were changed in both fluff and function (originally they were engineered by Slaanesh from [[Eldar]] souls to be both seductive AND deadly in combat, although they remain so in Fantasy) and Nurgle Daemons were changed dramatically (as was Nurgle's Rot, which changed from a survivable-if-formidable daemon-pox to a daemon-spawned [[AIDS]] with no cure that makes eventually makes you a Plaguebearer <s>no matter what</s> unless you commit suicide or die before you start worshipping Nurgle, which makes about as much sense as [[Wat|this]], but whatever).

[[Khorne]]'s lesser daemons are [[Bloodletter]]s. They are disciplined as they march to battle, but they tear into enemies like nobody's business on the charge. They take skulls for the skull throne. Like Daemonettes, they underwent a significant model change for one edition, then went back to their old appearance but revamped to higher quality.

[[Slaanesh]]'s lesser daemons are the [[Daemonette]]s (though they are not all female all the time, despite what the name might suggest). They can take whatever form is required to beguile their foes as they close in for the kill, though some browsers of [[/tg/]] like them just the way they usually are. Their models have varied over the years from somewhat attractive bald sharp-toothed humanoids to six-titted graylings.

[[Nurgle]]'s lesser daemons are [[Plaguebearer|Plaguebearers]]. They are generally stoic creatures who are born from the souls of people who died of [[Nurgles Rot]]. Their models have pretty much never changed, always being swollen-gutted decaying horned cyclops things.

[[Tzeentch]]'s lesser daemons are [[Horror]]s. They start out pink-colored, hyperactive and batshit insane, and when they are destroyed, they split into two blue horrors which are morose and cynical little bastards. Their models started out as oversized heads with long spindly arms and legs, but they underwent a design change into big-mouthed tangles of tentacles and arms and have stayed like that pretty much ever since.

[[Malal]]'s lesser daemons are Hook Horrors which are once again just concept art made by Ackland for Games Workshop. Have two hook claws (hence the name) but overall looks like a cheap Halloween costume that resembles a anorexic crow whose head has been reduced to a bird-like skull.

The Chaos Gods of Order (who only existed in Warhammer Fantasy) lacked proper Daemons. One among them blessed mortal [[Witch Hunters]] to wage war against his Chaotic Chaos kin in the physical world instead.

[[Fury|Furies]] can be thought of as lesser daemons of [[Chaos Undivided]], although "Chaos Undecided" might be a more accurate description -- they served the Gods of Chaos, but did not devote themselves strongly to any one before dying.

==== Daemonic Creatures ====
Daemonic servants and creatures can be more powerful than lesser daemons, but are generally less intelligent. Some, classified as daemonic ''steeds'', may be ridden or otherwise directed by a suitably impressive lesser daemon, or even a lucky mortal servant, while others, classified as daemonic ''beasts'', are simply turned loose on the enemy and left to their own devices.

Khorne's daemonic steeds are [[Juggernaut|Juggernauts]], metal-skinned dog/rhino/lizard-creatures with molten blood, and his beasts are the [[Flesh Hound|Flesh Hounds]] (calling them "Khorne Dogs" earns your skull a place under Khorne's ass) which are sent to hunt Khorne's enemies (including his own servants, if they displease him). Bloodletters who managed to tame and ride Juggernauts are called "[[Bloodcrusher|Bloodcrushers]]." Flesh Hounds are also used as mounts, although mostly by mortals like [[Arbaal]].

Slaanesh's daemonic steeds are "[[Steeds of Slaanesh]]" (which has ''got'' to be a sex pun), and his/her beasts are called [[Fiends of Slaanesh]]. Daemonettes who ride Mounts of Slaanesh are called "Seekers." Both Fiends and Mounts feature body parts from lots of creatures, and have long tongues (all the better to 'taste' their prey, if you know what we mean...) and rows of human breasts.

Nurgle's daemonic steeds are "Palanquins of Nurgle" (it's a sedan chair towed by [[Nurgling]]s) and his beasts are the uncreatively named [[Beast of Nurgle|Beasts of Nurgle]]. You MUST play with them otherwise they get bitter and become something else called a Rot Flies which are, who would have guessed, giant rotting flies with spear-sized stings. [[Storm of Magic|Two]] [[Tamurkhan: Throne of Chaos|splatbooks]] claim Nurgle has another (technically third, if one counts the aforementioned Rot Flies and Beast of Nurgle as being the same) daemonic creature in the form of the [[Plague Toads]], huge diseased frog-things that can swallow humans whole and which all other Nurgle daemons look down on. The second even claims that there's a counterpart to Plague Drones in the form of "Pox Riders", which are Plaguebearers clinging to Plague Toads as they hop into battle.

Tzeentch's daemonic steeds are [[Screamer|Screamers]], giant manta rays that are called "Discs of Tzeentch" as when someone is riding them Screamers are somehow transformed into the disc. It's not pleasant for the Screamer. His beasts are called [[Flamer (daemon)|Flamers]] (not to be confused with the [[flamer]] weapon), since they look like they are made of fire.

Malal's daemon steeds are "Limbo-Ticks of the Anti-God" and his beasts are "Malal's Paradoxes of Pandemonium", both of which resembles every single arachnophobe's worst nightmare. The latter is usually colored black, grey and white like all things Malal-ish and have a fuckhuge maw meant for potential OMNOMNOMNOM with two sickle like claws to boot, while the former has the body of a giant louse with monkey like limbs and a giant human-like skull with a equally giant horn on it. Like the others, this is just /tg/'s name for Ackland's artwork.

====Daemons of Order====
While [[Chaos Gods of Law]] existed in earlier editions of Warhammer Fantasy, none were ever given Daemons. This changed with [[Age of Sigmar]] when the entire [[Lizardmen]] army were refluffed as "Seraphon" which have light magic running through their veins which is as corrupting to Chaos as Chaos is to mortals; Saurus blood can cleanse any of Nurgle's plagues, rots, and diseases, and the Slann are stated to be ahead of their enemies (which includes Tzeentch) in planning thanks to their scrying caste.
[[Sigmar]] also created the [[Sigmarines|<strike>Sigmarines</strike> Stormcast Eternals]] which are mortals forged in magical metal who have the same properties as Daemons.

===Chart===

<center>
{|border=1 cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0
|- align=left
! [[Chaos Gods]]
! [[Greater Daemon]]s
! [[Daemon#Lesser Daemons|Lesser Daemons]]
! Daemonic Servants
! Daemonic Beasts
! Daemonic Steeds
! Mounted
! Chariots
|-
| [[Khorne]] || [[Bloodthirster]] || [[Bloodletter]] || None || [[Flesh Hound]] || [[Juggernaut]] || [[Bloodcrushers of Khorne|Bloodcrusher]] || [[Blood Throne]]/[[Skull Cannon]]
|-
| [[Nurgle]] || [[Great Unclean One]] || [[Plaguebearer]] || [[Nurgling]] || [[Beast of Nurgle]]/[[Plague Toads]] || [[Battle Fly]]/[[Rot Fly]] || [[Plague Drones]]/[[Pox Riders]] || [[Palanquin of Nurgle]]
|-
| [[Slaanesh]] || [[Keeper of Secrets]] || [[Daemonette]] || None || [[Fiends of Slaanesh|Fiend]] || [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] || [[Seekers of Slaanesh]] || [[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh|Seeker Chariot]]/[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh|Hellflayer]]
|-
| [[Tzeentch]] || [[Lord of Change]] || [[Horror]]/[[Flamers of Tzeentch|Flamer]] || None || [[Screamers of Tzeentch|Screamer]] || [[Disc of Tzeentch]] || None || [[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch|Burning Chariot]]
|-
| [[Malal]] || [[Forces of Malal#Guardian of Contradictions|Guardian of Contradictions]]/[[Forces of Malal#Maidens of Malal|Maiden of Malal]] || [[Forces of Malal#Hook Horror|Hook Horror]] || None || [[Forces of Malal#Pandemonic Paradox of Malal|Paradoxes]] || [[Forces of Malal#Limbo-Ticks of the Anti-God|Limbo-Ticks]]/[[Forces of Malal#Nightmares|Nightmares]] || [[Forces of Malal#Parasite Riders|Parasite Riders]] || None
|-
| [[Great Horned Rat]] || [[Verminlord]] || None || None || None || None || None || None
|}
</center>

=== [[Daemon Prince|Daemon Princes]] ===

For those mortals unfortunate enough to not be daemons to begin with, there is another route to immortality: serve a [[Chaos Gods|Chaos God]] and impress him or her so much that they grant the gift of daemonhood, resulting in an ascension into a [[Daemon Prince]]. In terms of power, they are typically only second to greater daemons, but a few especially strong mortal followers of chaos (traitor primarchs being the most famous) become more powerful than most greater daemons upon ascending. This is the ultimate goal of [[PC]]s in the [[Black Crusade]] roleplaying game, and indeed most worshipers of [[Chaos]] with even an ounce of ambition. Unfortunately, the Gods' attentions are fickle; would-be Daemon Princes who fall short of expectations may find themselves transformed into [[Chaos Spawn]] for their failures... Fuck. '''GLARBLRAWRGLARBL'''

Also, among followers of chaos, there are those who know that in the warp, the souls of dead men and women are actually devoured by the [[Chaos Gods]]; many of them actively try to escape this fate ([[Rape]]) by becoming Demon Princes.

=== Daemon Engines ===

Some daemons can be combined with machinery to create mighty [[Daemon Engine]]s; this gives them some actual structural integrity and lasting power, as they are now firmly anchored in reality. The really big ones are made by the Forge of Souls, while others are made by [[Warpsmiths]].
Some Daemon Engines are aligned with one of the Chaos Gods, while others (like [[Defiler]]s and Soul Grinders) serve [[Chaos Undivided]].
Even WFB has these in the forms of the Skull Cannon, Blood Throne, and Burning Chariot (and arguably the Hellflayer Seeker Chariot, even if it is not possessed), which are like [[awesome|possessed war machines mounted on top of possessed chariots]] as well as the Soul Grinder (which exists in 40k as well, though it only has a stone thrower arm rather than cannons everywhere).
Now that [[Chaos Dwarves]] are back as a regular WFB army, albeit made entirely by [[Forgeworld]], they seems to be rather fond of Daemon Engines and pack a whole lot of them, including a [[Awesome|daemon-possessed, steam-powered train which carries other war machines all around the battlefield while firing its giant cannon/crashing into the enemy lines mauling people with giant-sized pickaxes]].

===True Names===
Daemons tend to hide their true names by giving themselves false ones. This is due to the fact that they can be banished if their true should ever be uttered. The downside about true names is that all true names are quite a mouthful. Daemons' true names are very hard to pronounce if you aren't well a trained [[psyker]] like a [[Librarian]] or a full-fledged [[Inquisitor]], and can actually make your throat sore. There was even one instance that uttering their true names can actually make your mouth literally burn. Some ridiculously powerful daemons, especially those of [[Tzeentch]], have incredibly long names. One, recorded in the books of the [[Grey Knights]], had a ten-minute long true name and quite a few Knights died attempting to perform the banishment rituals... though once they got to reciting it, there apparently wasn't much it could do to stop them.

===See Also===
*[[Chaos]]
*[[Chaos Gods]]
*[[Warhammer/Tactics/Daemons of Chaos]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Chaos Daemons]]
*[[Daemons Mod]]: The [[Dawn of War]] [[Dawn of War Mods|Mod]] that brings this army to DoW players.

[[Category:Chaos]]
[[Category:Daemons]]
[[Category:Warhammer Fantasy]]
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

{{WH40k-Factions}}

Chaos Space Marines

2016-10-29T15:24:28Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

{{heresy}}
''"And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth."'' 
-Revelation 6:8
[[File:Crimson Slaughter Chaos Marine ukitakumuki.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Chaos up in this motherfucker.]]

'''Chaos Space Marines''' are, simply enough, [[Space Marines]] that have fallen to, or were inducted to, [[Chaos]]. They are also one of the main factions in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. The first Chaos Marines were born during the [[Horus Heresy]] from the nine [[Traitor Legion]]s. Since then, many Space Marines (and even a few full [[Space Marine Chapter|Chapters]]) have gone rogue, becoming Renegades. However, this is mostly a [[fluff]] distinction, as the [[Codex]] does not differentiate between the two. Oh, there was a time when there was a crunch distinction that was worth a damn, but those days may never return.

CSM supplement their lack of more easily available loyalist resources (recruits, tech, supplies, etc.) by way of Chaos warp stuff from the dark Gods, plundered weapons from whoever is unlucky enough to lose an engagement to them, daemons because they are aligned with Chaos and renegades from the Imperium, which are always available because the Imperium [[Grimdark|treats its subjects like steampunk condoms]].

==Overview==
[[File:Black crusade by yogh art-d5bqzea.jpg|thumb|450px|left|Birds have never been so scary.]]
Chaos Space Marines are basically Imperial Space Marines who have forsaken their oath to the Imperium of Man to serve the Ruinous Powers, which is [[Heresy]]. Marines do this for a number of reasons, although the cause of this is usually finding that the ways of Chaos suit them more than the Imperium or the classic case of the Imperium dicking them over (Largely the case for post-heresy chapters).

The origins of Chaos Space Marines go back to [[Erebus]] of the Word Bearers, the first Chaos Marine, who then corrupted the recently emotionally discouraged Primarch [[Lorgar]] to Chaos. Erebus would then set into motion the events that would lead to Warmaster Horus being wounded on Davin's moon, where he would fall to the corruptions of Chaos. Horus, supreme Warmaster of the Imperium, would then gather [[Mortarion|7]] [[Konrad Curze|more]] [[Alpharius|of]] [[Angron|his]] [[Magnus the Red|distraught]] [[Perturabo|brother]] [[Fulgrim|primarchs]] to his cause, along with a good fraction of Imperial forces and the Adeptus Mechanicus in full-scale rebellion against the Imperium, resulting in the Horus Heresy. When Horus got roflstomped by the Emprah during their duel, most of the Traitors fled to the Eye of Terror because of the loss of leadership, resulting in what would be known as "Chaos Space Marines".

Naturally, they fight just like Space Marines except <s>on average they are stronger, more experienced, and older, given that the majority stood with their Primarchs during the Great Crusade</s> only worse because Mary Sues need punching bags. They keep using shit they were equipped with prior to the Horus Heresy such as [[bolter|bolters]] and the ever useful Space Marine [[plot armor|plot]] [[pauldrons|armor]], which would explain why they didn't fist fuck each other to death before reaching the Eye of Terror or why they would follow the lead of a particular [[Saturday]] [[Abaddon|morning cartoon villain]]. Chaos Marines are also commonly known to compensate their aging weapons (which didn't really age much considering how fucktarded Imperium tech support is) by using demon magic, giving themselves penis fingers for that extra edge in combat. Naturally they lack some of the weapons and [[Standard Template Construct|equipment Imperium "invented" (or rather dug up) for the last 10 000 years]], such as [[Razorback Transport|Razorbacks]], [[Centurion Squad|Centurion suits]], [[Autogun|assault cannons]] or [[Grav-Weaponry|grav guns]], and although they often get their hands on such pieces of tech (mostly by killing corpse-worshipers who own them) their Dark Mechanicum allies have few to zero spare parts and/or ammo for them, those trophies rarely last in use for a long time. The later reason is also why Chaos marines no longer use some of them more delicate and advanced tech, like Land Speeder variants, or Whirlwinds, which they definitely HAD before the Heresy - those things require just too much maintenance to fit into their more independent and chaotic combat doctrines.
[[File:1286933675792.jpg|400px|right|thumb|The eternal war rages on.]]
For all their powers from Chaos, however, most of them are nowhere nearly as organized as their loyalist counterparts. Turning to Chaos tends to drive marines insane, causing them to usually lose much of the useful tactics they had when they were loyalists. Although, more organized legions like the Word Bearers, Iron Warriors, and Black Legion do still remain much more of a competent military force than most of the other traitor legions.

Different warbands of Chaos Space Marines are every bit as prone to fighting each other as they are anything else for any number of reasons; evil doesn't get along with evil, they're all nuts and just want to fight something, other warband worships a different Chaos god. Yeah, these guys are nuts, infighting inside individual warbands is not unheard off, and their leaders always have to watch their back because every single marine has hopes of killing their superiors and taking over. So yeah, if they didn't have the [[Eye of Terror]] to hide in and the Imperium wasn't so idiot ball prone it probably would have killed them by now. However, when they DO get their shit together, they fuck up the Imperium on a scale undreamed of by every other race in Warhammer. See the Dominion of Fire or the Cholercaust Blood Crusade. '''GODDAMN IT, KHORNATE BERZERKERS ARE AWESOME.'''

They ''were'' the oldest fogies (or at least the ones from traitor legions are anyway) in the setting, barring the [[Eldar|space elves]], [[Bjorn the Fell Handed|That one angry viking dreadnought]], who's about their age, the [[Necrons|Tomb King expys]] and maybe a few of the [[Tyranid|Omnivorous Space Bug Lizards things]] but now they've been retconned. CSM today may be some of the veterans from the Heresy or they could just be newfags that decided they were too cool for the Imperium. Fucking hell this is depressing.

Many Chaos Marines eventually dedicate themselves to one of the four [[Chaos Gods]], becoming little more than an extension of the god's will. This path has great risk and great reward, as the Chaos Gods are quite capricious; between two equally-dedicated champions, one will become a [[Chaos Spawn|horrific beast that should not be named]], whereas the other will achieve apotheosis and become a [[Daemon Prince]].

*'''[[Khorne|Khornate Champions]]:''' Those who worship Khorne (such as the [[World Eaters]] Traitor Legion) become close quarters badasses full of [[rage|RAAAAAAAAAGGGEEEE]]!. Khornate champions are among the best dedicated melee fighters in the setting. They are insane, ruthless, and barbaric, and continually lust after BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD and SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! Marines dedicated to Khorne are usually called [[Khorne Berzerkers]], after the Berzerkers of the World Eaters Legion, of whom [[Kharn]] (swell guy by the way) is the most famous. They are famed for their use of the [[chainaxe]] and their fucktastically fearless charges. They also get the best speeches. Although do note that Khornate followers are not all pure-CQC fighters, any weapon that spills blood in honorable combat like heavy weapons or vehicles is welcomed by Khorne. '''"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES!!"'''

*'''[[Nurgle|Nurglic Champions]]:''' These guys are rotting, diseased, decaying sacks of flesh who can take hits that would kill a squad of Terminators. They're something of a meat shield as far as Chaos is concerned (although not as much as [[Cornholio the Cultist|Chaos Cultists]]). They've contracted every disease in creation and then some. Despite looking like a bag of things best not described, Nurgle's followers won't hesitate to give you a big, long, family hug. D'awww. The [[Death Guard]] fell to Nurgle, but it wasn't really their fault.

*'''[[Slaanesh|Slaaneshi Champions]]:''' The followers of Slaanesh simply want to experience pleasure to the highest degree, most of which usually involves the euphoria gained from killing another person. Thus, Slaaneshi followers typically hype themselves up on drugs in order to intensify the sensations they experience, whether from sex or from slaughter. Slaaneshi Marines have taken so many drugs their bodies ''start to produce them normally.'' And yes, this is really canon. They also get penis fingers to give them the extra edge in combat (somehow) and hyperactive awareness, meaning that Slaaneshi followers typically move so fast that they're at par with Eldar reflexes. [[Doomrider]] is one of the most famous Slaaneshi champions (at least on /tg/), although he isn't from the [[Emperor's Children]], the Chaos Legion that fell to Slaanesh; [[Lucius the Eternal]], on the other hand, is.

*'''[[Tzeentch|Tzeentchian Champions]]:''' All followers of Tzeentch are tricky and conniving, and many of them are also powerful [[psyker]]s (as Tzeentch is the god of magic). Warriors under Tzeentch tend to rape anything in ranged combat with either enhanced weapons or SPACE MAGIC that would turn heroes into [[Chaos Spawn]], squa-'''GRAABBRLBLLRBLRLRBLR'''
**Ahem. To continue where the previous writer left off... squads of infantry into ash, and vehicles into puddles of molten goo. The [[Thousand Sons]] Legion is dedicated to Tzeentch; their (former) chief diviner, [[Ahriman]], is one of the better-known Tzeentchian sorcerers.

*'''[[Chaos Undivided|Undivided]]:''' Back in the good ol' days, Chaos Undivided was the concept of worshiping Chaos as a combined entity or pantheon. The [[Word Bearers]] were probably the most well-known worshippers of Chaos Undivided. Since then, it has been largely retconned; instead, Chaos Undivided refers to Chaos Marines with the support of all four Chaos gods (such as [[Failbaddon]]). This has left the Word Bearers in something of a weird spot, as their core concept has been badly mangled. Although, this is not completely out of place: Undivided followers ''do'' have the support of all four Chaos Gods due to their doctrine, but because they don't swear complete servitude to one like what the [[Death Guard]] and [[World Eaters]] did, they don't receive the full power of each Chaos God either...well except Failbaddon, who for some reason does not seem to get that his position as the "Most powerful champion of Chaos" is an ironic joke. Also, 5th Chaos God Malice, there is a raging debate as to whether Malice is the weakest or the strongest of the gods. And no, its not another incarnation of Tzeentch as was thought many, many millennia ago…

Note that many bands of Undivided Marines exploit Chaos for their own gain and feel little devotion to the Ruinous Powers, seeing it as no more than a tool for their goals. The [[Alpha Legion]], for instance, are closet loyalists (or not, or double heretics, or triple heretics, or Brotha's doin' it for themselves, nobody knows), whereas the [[Night Lords]] Legion only cares about spreading terror, which Chaos is undoubtedly useful for, but they look down upon the religious. Similarly, the [[Soul Drinkers]], a Renegade Chapter with an entire book series, are enemies of both Chaos and the [[Imperium of Man]] (they fight for the [[Emperor]]'s ideals… don't ask, it's complicated), although most in the Imperium would consider them "Chaos Marines."

*'''[[Malal|Malice]]:''' Way back when, [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]] had a [[Chaos Gods#The_Other_Ones|minor Chaos God]] named Malal. Malal was a paradox, in that he is the embodiment of Chaos' chaotic behavior. His main goal was the spread of chaos (not the Warp energies, but actual chaos like anarchy and disruption) by screwing up the plans of the other Ruinous Powers, so he had dedicated Champions that hunted down other Chaos Champions and generally dicked over the Chaos Gods. However, [[Games Workshop]] had to remove him from the setting due to a trademark dispute with the author that invented him. In 40k, meanwhile, there's a warband called the [[Sons of Malice]] that hunt down other Chaos Marines and seem to worship a minor Chaos power named "Malice." This has led /tg/ to believe that Malal/Malice exists in 40k and can be invoked upon for power, although this is of dubious canonicity at best.

==The Traitor Legions==
[[File:Word Bearers by Chingonman.jpg|500px|right|thumb|When Space Jehovah's Witnesses come knocking, don't answer the door.]]
When the [[Horus Heresy]] struck, nine of the original twenty Legions turned against the [[Emprah]]. These guys are basically the original and the best. All of these survived the Siege of Terra and escaped into the [[Eye of Terror]] with a very large number of bodies (Space Marine legions frequently numbered up to 100,000 members by the time of the Heresy). Over time, they have become widely scattered, generally working in mixed warbands combining a variety of Traitor Legionnaires, Renegade Marines, and lesser humans (frequently rebellious Imperial Guard). However, it should be noted that quite a few Chaos Marines still fight as a Legion (generally drastically reduced in size) led by their original (now-Daemon) Primarch (if they're still alive, anyway). It's very rare to see more than a Grand Company (roughly equal in size to a Chapter of loyalist Marines) in any given battle unless it's an organized invasion (of which the most notable examples are the Black Crusades led by a [[Abaddon|certain armless failure]]), the Legion's primarch himself calls them to fuck some shit up, or you're dealing with the Word Bearers or Iron Warriors, who are generally more organized than anybody else. The following are the nine Traitor Legions:

*[[Emperor's Children]]: Also known as the [[Pretty Marines]], their Primarch is [[Fulgrim]],who is now <s>a painting</s> getting his serpentine dick sucked by a swarm of daemonettes on his pleasure planet. <s>possibly still a painting</s> They don't operate as a Legion at all anymore, mostly because [[Kharn]] kinda fucked all their shit up. Anyway, they were basically OCD hyper-perfectionists that also really liked to party. They got ever-more hedonistic, attracted the attentions of [[Slaanesh]], and the rest is history. Their Cult unit is the [[Noise Marines]], which are (as their name implies) Chaos Marines that like to kill people with noise. This used to mean sweet heavy-metal guitars, but GW retconned that, so now they have less-impressive (but still cool) <s>bass cannons</s> sonic cannons.

*[[Iron Warriors]]: The evil twins of the [[Imperial Fists]], they really like to build shit and then tear (somebody else's) shit down. In other words, they are masters of siege warfare (basically, rooting out cover-camping bitches). Their Primarch is [[Perturabo]]. They're generally the second most coherent of the Traitor Legions, retaining most of their pre-Heresy organization and numbers, although their great companies are generally independent and only answer to Perurabo himself, who on his part don't give a fuck and let them fight each other just for lulz. Also, they probably created the [[Obliterator|Obliterator Virus]], seeing as how they seem to have special connections with the Obliterator Cult. Sadly, they can no longer take [[Basilisk|Basilisks]] and don't have any special rules or Cult units (seeing as how that was quite broken back in 3rd), but GW did throw them a bone in the new book with the [[Warpsmith]] (not to be confused with a [[Warsmith]], which is also Iron Warriors-related). One of their noted leaders is [[Honsou]], a Warsmith in the running for "evilest villain."

*[[Night Lords]]: Their Primarch was [[Konrad Curze]] (also known as the Night Haunter). They're basically space-terrorists, which (unsurprisingly) means they created Raptors, the sociopathic, predatory answer to the loyalists' Assault Marines. They prefer ambush tactics, which is quite difficult when you're walking around in Power Amour and wearing stupid bat-wing helmets. They also like screaming like maniacs to cause terror. They are one of the few legions (in fact, pretty much the only one) who refuse to employ Daemons or live in the Eye of Terror (well, at least the "loyalist" warbands, the current bigger one is lead by an actual Daemon Prince, which is pretty contradictory). They're also pretty much the only Traitor Legion that has a dead Primarch (except Black Legion), on account of [[Konrad Curze|Konrad Curze's]] desire to go down like an emo to rebel against daddy.

*[[World Eaters]]: [[Angron]]- Dissolved after [[Kharn]] turned the legion against themselves, what a guy. Now acting as roaming warbands and mercenaries. They still unite every now and then when Angron wants to fuck something's shit up, such as [[Cadia]]. The only legion known to get shit done when called up to do so.

*[[Death Guard]]: [[Mortarion]] - Don't show up much in the fluff, though plague marines and champions can be found in many other warbands and, next to world-eater berserkers, are the most common of the one-deity dedicated units. Also before Thirteenth Black Crusade Typhus's Blight Fleet kicked major ass in systems all around the Eye of Terror, turning entire planetary populations into zombies.

*[[Thousand Sons]]: [[Magnus the Red]] - Another legion that doesn't show up much at all in fluff after the Horus Heresy and [[Rubric Marines|rubric marines]] don't show up much in other legions' warbands and most warbands use their own sorcerers. Except for [[Ahriman]]; Ahriman goes out trolling the Harlequins and those few [[Inquisitor]]s. Ahriman also does this because Tzeentch likes dicking Magnus over in his passive-aggressive way. Fluff-wise, Thousand Sons walk through the Universe, searching for knowledge like ancient books and artifacts to research and nerd out in their libraries, and majicking the shit out of anyone stupid or bold enough to stand on their way. Being smart and cunning motherfuckers they fight only where it really needed and only on their own terms (read: very rarely).

*[[Black Legion]]: [[Horus]] - Originally called the Luna Wolves and then the Sons of Horus. Unites every now and then when [[Abaddon|Failbaddon]] wants to launch another Black Crusade. It's a miracle they're still surviving with Abaddon's incompetent leadership and numerous failed black crusades, which should have probably left them extremely undermanned. However, their ranks are quickly filled by the <s>millions of volunteers who sign up because ''god damn that paint job looks cool''</s> actually its because Failbaddon keeps stealing other legion's troops or 'buying' them and daemons with big promises he can't keep. Basically he is like a compulsive gambler who has borrowed money from every money lender in existence, some of whom are gods. They are the largest legion by far, stated to outnumber the Word Bearers ten to one. They have no real central command structure outside of a Black Crusade, and even then Abaddon, being the failure that he is, can't keep the Legion's shit together for very long before they start breaking off every which way in search of a fight, usually getting slaughtered not long afterwards.

*[[Word Bearers]]: [[Lorgar]] - The Only Legion to have retained its Chaplains in the form of [[Dark Apostle]]s, who can often lead a Word Bearers' Warband in the place of a Chaos Lord or Champion. They're one of the more organized and complete legions as they have a central daemon world of their own named "Sicarus". Sicarus is covered in dozens of temples and cathedrals devoted to Chaos. The Word Bearers are still united under the banner of their Primarch: Lorgar (even if the lazy bastard never does anything these days but sit around doing nothing). The most coherent after the Iron Warriors, seen as their great companies (or Hosts, as they call them) are still working together under the watchful eye of the Dark Council.

*<s>[[Alpha Legion]]: [[Alpharius]]/[[Omegon]]</s>- No such legion or primarchs exists, further speculation on this issue is [[heresy]] and will result in execution. Said non-existent Legion has never trolled the Imperium for the last 10,000 years by faking the death of every member, any idea to the contrary is [[HERESY]]. Also masters of <s>sneaking around undetected</s> fucking enemies brains with multi-step Just As Planned schemes, that aren't overcomplicated or lack the fallback plans (unlike Thousand Sons ones). In fact their fallback fallback plans usually have their own fallback plans just in case. Pretty much everything Imperium knows about them is a misinformation, suspected to be one, or a truth no one believes in since it looks like a misinformation.

=== Renegades ===
The legions of old are not the only source of Chaos Space Marines, nor are they even the largest source. Loyalist marines get turned to Chaos like all the time - most often it's just a few individual marines or squads, sometimes it goes so far to entire companies, and rarely (but not rarely enough) entire chapters turn to Chaos. Sometimes it's the Imperium's own fault for turning initially loyal marines against the system due to a misunderstanding or an overzealous Inquisitor declaring them heretics. The new renegades then realize that since no matter what they do they'll be viewed as traitors by the Imperium, they may as well become traitors in reality. Other times, marines "caught" some Chaos taint due to fighting Chaos too much without proper Librarian control (bonus points if Librarians themselves get corrupted), committing terrible crimes in their fights against Ruinous Powers, or trying to fight Chaos with Chaos, like the [[Relictors]]. And finally, a Chapters' own flaws in temperament may leave them all too easily manipulated into bring their damnation upon themselves.

What is the most surprising, is that shit still happens despite loyalist marines being heavily brainwashed, even more than Death Korps of Krieg or Sisters of Battle (both of which are famous for having close to zero Chaos corruption rate). More so, marines even have a specific organ, to make them even more brainwashable. Some speculate the reason behind this is just astartes longevity - after all SoBs and Kriegers didn't get continuously exposed to Ruiniious Powers for hundreds of years. Others say that marines are just naturally susceptible to corruption, which makes sense, if you believe the story daemons tell: that Primarchs were made with the help of The Four, and were given their power to make them something more than just genetically engineered humans. A theory from 30k states that the reason Marines are more easily turned to Chaos is that Marines naturally are fanatical in almost anything they do, which, when feeling scolded by the very thing they are fanatical about, makes them do a full 180" to worship something else instead. This is what happened to the [[Word Bearers]], and most modern day Marines are at least as religious as the Word Bearers were before the Horus Heresy.

ADB once said that Abaddon embodies the old Biblical thing about Satan refusing to bow down to man, and this might be applied to most Chaos Space Marines. Space Marines are expected to give their whole lives- centuries- to war, so that ordinary humans, most of whom will never have to fight for their lives, can live in relative comfort. Unsurprisingly, many Space Marines resent this on some level (those who treat mortals with respect are probably in the minority) and then along comes a Word Bearer talking about these gods who will set them free, who'll make them the masters instead of the servants...

No matter the true reason behind, this shit happens, and from one retcon to another after-Heresy chapter renegades become more and more prevalent, to the point that they could actually outnumber the old legions.

==A "Meta-History" of Sorts==
I suppose we should [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|start at the beginning]]? So, back in the day, Chaos was effectively an expansion to Rogue Trader. In those ancient times, apparently the Emperor ascended the golden throne not because of a mortal wound from Horus and a war that nearly destroyed everything he worked for, but because the administrative burden of running an empire was too much for him to do as a walking, talking dude. Crunchwise, the CSM were just marines with some different wargear selection. It gets really confusing from there so the less said about the First Edition days, the better. The first, most important thing to remember is that Chaos was effectively a WHFB expy, so it included beastmen, daemons and renegades [[Awesome|all rolled into one]].

===2nd Ed: First Age of Whoop-Ass===
Hoo-boy... I want you to picture it, if you can, a codex wherein Chaos Lords had no stats under 5, daemons could be freely taken in any FO slot (or the equivalent for 2nd Ed) and everything, ''everything'' could push a loyalist's shit in. The CSM received a promotion in the fluff to primary antagonists after getting retconned into the reason as to why the Emperor ascended to the Golden Throne (via Horus traitorous ways and that mortal wound). Those were the days of 2nd edition; that's when Chaos was a unified front led by an interesting character on a 10,000 year quest for bloody vengeance. These were the days when a [[Bloodthirster]] would use an [[Avatar]] as a speedbump, and yet the only trump against CSM were the Eldar. Your characters could equip a Bloodletter's sword if you so chose to do so, as well as chaos armour that could save on a 2d6 roll of 3+. Noise Marines, Thousand Sons, Khorne Berzerkers and Plague Marines all got their start here, and they started out as ''Troops'' (or rather, their second ed equivalent). You could also take a special character Nurgle daemon prince with 19 wounds (!) that stole wounds from his kills and could regenerate lost wounds every turn. And guess what? You could field beasts, renegades and daemons in your army.

Yeah, it sounds fucking insane and the coolest thing ever. Arguably, things were a bit nascent because in spite of all the other extras, they were still very much just space marines with other armies rolled into it. They had the same stats and many of the same rules and wargear as their loyalist counterparts.

===3rd Ed: Roller Coaster into [[Awesome]]===
Third edition started by screwing everyone: the rules were fucked up to try and shift the balance of power towards infantry and away from characters (so sayeth GW, anyway). Regardless, this is one of a few times that GW actually dialed back the power creep inherent in their game systems to such a degree that all existing armies got hosed (worst of all, Eldar) and CSM were no exception. The Codex pumped out was a hackneyed shadow of its former self that needed constant reference checks to the main rules because all the rules for your stuff got printed there instead of your codex. This first release however brought about the much-loved [[Obliterators]], [[Possessed]] and [[Raptors]] and GW did make rules for entire cult armies available for download on their website at the time, which was a thing GW used to do.

Halfway through its life-cycle, GW introduced [[Tau]] and [[Necrons]], breaking the game with [[Fish of Fury]] and just simply existing, respectively. In the midst of this renewed cheese surge, the CSM got a second lease on life, cranking their competitiveness to second place behind the dreaded third ed 'crons. These were the days of the 200+ point CSM lord that could out-punch fucking ANYTHING! We're talking about a wargear sheet noticeably larger than any other faction, which also included the curious ability to make your aspiring champions psykers. You could load up a squad with stacks of veteran skills, sneaking them into position, moving through cover and then finishing with a furious charge. [[Defiler|That enemy crab thing]] gets its big introduction as a monstrous creature AND a walker! These were the days when you ''bought'' as opposed to rolled for the powers your possessed had; where you could dedicate vehicles to the gods, and that gave you certain options (thus creating the sonic dreadnought... and predator). You could take a Slaaneshi psyker and give him and his unit immunity from shooting attacks with a well rolled minor psychic power. Best of all, these were the days of fielding traitor legions - ridiculously unbalanced lists that would either fall flat on their faces and cost way too much (Thousand Sons) or tear the fucking table in half (Iron Warriors).

Games Workshop tried valiantly to dial back the cheese by releasing Imperial Assassins, Daemonhunters and Witchhunters but once the Eye of Terror campaign hit and the official (and also cheesy) Lost and the Damned rules were out, third ed was firmly [[Cultist-chan|captoored by chaoz.]]

===4th Ed: The Sudden Betrayal===
That rat-bastard, pointy-eared fuck! In 4th ed, [[Gav Thorpe]] raped Chaos and left her to die in a fucking gutter. Those broken-as-hell traitor legions lists? Instead of fixing them for players that liked the other legions, they were removed. Veteran skills? Gone. Wargear? Toast. Lost and the Damned? More like "lost-a la vista," amirite. Daemons? Worst of all, Thorpe figured they needed their own, super-shitty codex. CSM players were ''pissed'' at the "streamlining" their armies got, but they endured it because at the time there were a few nifty silver linings. You could still technically have your cult army/legion/whatever and they were all not bad; that is to say the codex was at least internally balanced. During this time, the Eldar got pumped from worse than last place to playable, Tyranids got an update that was fair as well, Fish of Fury got pulled from the Tau Codex and the loyalists got a decent buff in the 4th ed SM codices. Nothing spectacular, but everything felt fair; it felt like we could have fun with each other and save our bitter sniping for the rightly-deserving Necron players and their totes OP 3E rules. For a brief period of time, the rules system was stable and there was hope that this trend might continue...

===5th Ed: Abandon (the Despoiler) Ship!===
[[Matt Ward|And then this happened.]] GW, in a moment of clarity and business acumen, summoned Matt Ward from the pit to turn the 40K metagame on its larynx through its asshole to promote sales of their most popular line, Space Marines. [[Dawn of War]] had just come out and Relic/THQ made the Space Marines really good (and Imperial Guard, and Eldar, [[Dawn of Eldar|especially the Eldar]] but they would have to wait until 6E to get their cheese on). CSM didn't get a release in this edition because GW decided instead to dedicate their time to fanboy service while throwing a bone to the Dark Eldar and Orks. This was when the 4th ed. rules were used to create the well-known CSM mono-build for 5th ed (Lash Prince, Plague Marines, Termicide, Obliterators and ''maybe'' a Chosen squad for guiding deep strikes). However, once the 5th ed Grey Knights landed, Chaos was truly on its ass. These were the days all the jokes made against chaos finally made it to the internets and the forces of chaos shifted from that terrifying adversary feared across the galaxy to the Imperium's punching bag du jour. Many were the old guard who left in disgust.

===6th Ed: A New Hope? A New NOPE!===
Rumours started pouring in furiously when 6th ed was nearing release. Close combat will have AP values? Oooo! What's this - CSM will be the first codex out the gate? Hot damn! New models? BITCHIN'! Revamped rules to finally reclaim some of the fucking glory we lost in the last two goddamn editions? Hallelujah!

So, it's been three years now since that release and I think we can all say how disappointing that truly was. Of the few bright spots was a new flyer with a *AHEM* "gigantic exhaust port." "Gaze into the eye of terror!" and "Glory to the Goatse of Chaos!" were only some of the reactions. Many lulz were enjoyed by /tg/ of its... ahem, questionable design aesthetics. This however says nothing of the fact that crunch-wise it is arguably the cheesiest flyer in all of 6th ed - praise the dark gods, indeed? Well, not really because there was a lot of dead weight and questionable mechanic design in that book. Speaking to the former, [[Mutilators]] and [[Warp Talons]] were just laughably useless. On top of that, random tables plagued the book (though nowhere near as much as the Chaos Daemons), troops were of questionable value and utility and the army played like Space Marines, but with too many goddamn cuts to it.

When it comes to the traitor marines themselves, /tg/'s opinions were divided. Some praised the new design for its focus on intricate trims and warp-induced mutations (eyes, tentacles), whereas others disliked it for its lack of [[Grimdark]], claiming it looked too cartoonish and too playful. Crunchwise, as if we haven't said it enough, this book was well and truly fucked. We really tried to like it, but any list that requires supplements and/or Forgeworld models/books to fill strategic gaps in the codex is a pretty bad list.

===7th Ed: What the Fuck is this even===
On today's tabletop, Chaos Space Marines play similar to their loyalist counterparts, having access to most of the same wargear and vehicles, plus some unique stuff at the expense of all the stuff that makes loyalists remotely useful in a vain attempt to play up the [[RIP AND TEAR]] side. They have some of the same strengths and amplified weaknesses, expensive-to-overpriced units, are easily often outnumbered, but overall, they tend to play too aggressively to the point of carelessness. Thanks to all this nerf-slapping, their ranking amongst armies has tanked from the notably OP 3.5 days; the codex and army have since fallen into decline due to progressively weaker books in favour of the worst kind of fan-service for a handful of factions.

As of the 7E, they are still weak due to having a half-assed, unbalanced 6E codex. Fortunately, 7E has been putting the screws to every single Codex released in 5th Ed while GW releases an unrelenting tide of half-assed pseudo-codices that don't even cover an FOC. CSM did get a release in the form of Khorne Daemonkin, but it just blended two books together with some new rules and wargear instead of fixing glaring problems with the units in them.

==The Obvious Question==
Gamers in 40K are rather slavishly devoted to the core canon so it stands to ask, in the face of the rampant Emprah-praising and progressive downgrading why do some people even bother with CSM? Think of it this way: the army played can tell you something about the player. Let's say playing Space Marines means the player wants to fit in and excel amongst his peers pretending he's just as much a super human as any other, while the Dark Eldar player fancies himself a special snowflake that wants to pretend he's a sexy goth elf that fights and fucks at the same time. In that case, then (traditionally at least) CSM was the army of bitter, envious nerd rage, for that aspie spurned by his peers and forced to hang out with the other weird kids for reasons beyond his comprehension. Playing CSM was that chance to take vengeance upon all who dared wrong you, to burn the earth beneath in concentrated dark anger, born aloft on wings of vengeance. This is the army of lashing out at your bullies publicly, the ersatz school shooting scorched earth approach. This is incidentally what makes a compelling villain - a casual link to the hero, but thrust onto a different path paved with resent and loathing, on a collision course with destiny. This is also what draws people to CSM, that chance to say "fuck it," to give into your anger, lashing out at your enemies. Do keep in mind, this is primarily why people didn't like CSM players that much; the OP rules and sperglords acting out was too much to take for more well-adjusted players especially in the face of a growing, hot market segment that was 40K in the run-up to the 2010s.

However, in reigning in the spurned nerd we've lost something important to this hobby - we lost that compelling villain, the character you take seriously because if you ignore him this time--if you dare underestimate him again--it just might be your last. There's no urgency anymore as we perpetually slide in shorter and shorter increments towards the event horizon of 40K's never-coming future. There's no fear that a CSM player might show up and, with a good turn (not an incredibly unlikely or lucky one - just a decent turn), table you out of fucking nowhere because you got complacent. Because of this, we are poorer for our loss. Instead we tell the spurned that any other army is just as capable of reflecting their bitterness, but those ones have the canonical backing of empires, making the players punch down or across as opposed to up at the power structure that has so hurtfully neglected them. Oh sure, you can lie to yourself and pretend that you're the Emperor's favoured son for a fleeting moment of escapism, but deep down you know the Matrix isn't real; at some point you're gonna look in the mirror and realize no one likes you. You're gonna have to do it yourself, accompanied only by your seething anger and a little luck from the gods themselves and you will show them all that NOBODY fucks with you! And that right there is another important point: the Chaos Space Marines' goals are overwhelmingly ''personal.'' Even "bad guy" factions are to a much greater degree serving someone or something else's agenda: Chaos Daemons are bound largely to the will of their patron deity (or the pantheon), Deldar serve their Kabal/Kult/Coven, Orks are pretty much slaves to the urges hard-wired into them, Necrons are trying to resurrect the glory of their old empire and the Tyranids don't need an explanation! No, CSM serve themselves occasionally paying tribute to a specific deity for the power and resources to fulfill ''their'' goals and further themselves in the grand scheme of things.

We need those angry neckbeards back to stop 40K falling into total irrelevance through non-stop fanboy-service, that attempt at appealing to everyone which inevitably appeals to no one. If you must, look at it this way: if GW can get away with this level of ass-mongery with the central villain--that although was hard to like, was otherwise a prominent part of the canon and game--what makes you think your favoured faction is so safe? What happens, say, if market trends shift attracting a huge number weeaboo Japanophiles such that the Tau became the dominant faction contributing the most to sales regardless of what gets released? Just imagine it, every release cycle includes some sort of Tau supplement to reassure Tau players that they are the preferred customers, just like with Space Marines right now. Games Workshop, being the corporation they are, would basically turn their attention solely towards making the Tau unstoppably good through sheer volume of releases, granting them the entirety of the spotlight with multiple factions and splat books. What tune would you be singing then?

'''TL;DR:''' fluff is important and we need compelling villains, but it can only happen with decent crunch for them. Players should take notice and demand a better class of villain in their game, voting with their wallets least the same fate befalls them and their favourite faction.

===Oh Gods how do we fix this?===
The good news is that Matt Ward has left GW; bad news is first because of the reason why (Death threats, you guys?) and second is that GW is still making terrible decisions with their intellectual property... which is more or less someone else's IP, but whatev. Regardless, just look at the gimped releases for the non-marine/guard/craftworld armies and you'll get an easy sense of how inept they are. HOWEVER, GW does apparently read the criticism they get on the internets and they do take it seriously. And that's what we're here for!

Right, so the first, most brutally obvious thing needed to fix CSM is to figure out '''WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE AND HOW THEY DO!''' Now reader, you might think this a "duh," but you'd be giving Games Workshop too much credit; the Daemonkin books (just you wait, Tzeentch is allegedly next) and the supplements have demonstrated that GW's write-staff--whoever they are--don't understand what the CSM are or how they're supposed to work. We should talk about what the Chaos Space Marines aren't:

*'''Randomness because Chaos, guys!''' - NO! Let's throw out this idea that they need numerous random tables to generate abilities. Yes there should most certainly be elements of risk in how they play, but it should be more in the idea of investing heavily in units that ought to deliver a massive reward. Save the random shit and quirky oddball stuff for Daemons and Orks respectively, CSM need punch and it needs to be unique to them. We can keep the Champ table at the least but narrow down the results to like 8 instead of fucking 20!
*'''Daemon Marines:''' Alright, we get it! CSM are BB with Daemons now can we please stop with the fucking Daemonkin books already? It's 7E - if we want to have Chaos Daemons in our Chaos Space Marines army, we can ally. Throwing a book at us with a list filled with good units and bad units leaves us no better off than where we started. If you really want to smooth things over, just make it so CSM characters can join Daemon units and we can all go home happy.
*'''LOL INSANE:''' read [[What it's like]] to find out why this needs to go away. For much the same reason as why CSM aren't random because they're aligned with Chaos, neither are they totally insane. They do what they must in order to survive.
*'''Eeeeeevil Marines:''' one of the overarching themes of 40K is that no one faction are unambiguously the "good guys." Therefore, making CSM into a faction that is evil for the sake of being evil is rather one-dimensional and can lead us into design traps, like a predisposition for losing in order to bolster the (prevailing) good guys, which happen to be whoever is dominating sales at the moment. The inverse is true as well - the arbitrarily declared "bad guys" will always get the short end of the stick come release time. This needs to stop, preferably before players are driven away in droves by moody codex authors. And for the record, many Chaos Marine warbands could be seen as Tragic Villains; examples include the Thousand Sons legion, many of The Judged chapters sent out to the Eye of Terror for the Abyssal Crusade.
*'''Spiky Mary Sues:''' This one is goddamn hard to get over because it's right in their name - the CSM ''are'' definitively Space Marines, but trying to make an army out of them from Codex: Space Marines is necessarily the wrong approach. They have different motivations and paths before them, which means they need stuff unique to them while retaining some aspects of the overall space marine sci-fi trope.

With that out of the way, the musings written above should give us a pretty good idea of what the CSM are, boiled down into a number a points:

*'''Bitterness through Hardship:''' They're Space Marines pushed to their breaking point such that they have given into the dark side, turning on their former comrades and everything they knew, becoming self-serving pawns of the dark gods but mostly for the buffs so that they can survive. This ties back into that idea of a compelling villain, one that makes the both the antagonists' and protagonists' more rewarding to play and explore. Instead of happy endings and working toward the betterment of themselves and their allies, their entire motivation centers around getting back at who wronged them and the brutal endurance required to survive the shit the galaxy throws them in the 41st millennium. Speaking of...
*'''Reckless, yet Brutal:''' This isn't an easy thing to do in the 41st millennium, what with that sort of behaviour [[Inquisition|painting a big target on you]], so in order for them to survive CSM should be pretty fucking hardcore. After all, a dead servant of the gods is a ''useless'' servant of the gods. Simply put, CSM ''should'' be a little OP compared to Space Marines, way fewer in number and expensive, like they used to be. Unlike their loyalist counterparts, Chaos Space Marines should encourage the player to make reckless decisions, adding actual power to that vengeful power fantasy. Their units will be excellent, but have very little synergy with other units; that is the price paid for the CSM player - their shit does a lot, but it has to.
*'''Veterans and Newbies United:''' It's kinda weird, but there is a strange reflection in the meta here with old players vs. new players. Unfortunately, this seems to be straining the direction of the CSM in two and the worst part is that it doesn't have to. We needn't necessarily choose between recent traitors and the veterans of the long war; a well written codex should accommodate both as the new and the old have common themes to them - bitterness and rebellion. Turning to the past, 3E got it right with veteran skills; more skills per unit reflect a seasoned group of individuals while less are certainly cheaper but not as potent.
*'''Personal:''' Lastly, their units should have a high degree of customization to reflect both the fluff of the units storied tales of grim survival and adaptation to weather horrific odds and the meta of the CSM's personal goals over shared values. Stylistically, they need units and wargear that are as brutal and unsubtle as they are costly to the player and the victim. Fluff wise, they don't have an [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] telling them what they can and can't build plus the Gods' "generous" gifts, so let your imagination run wild codex writers!

The rest is just wishlisting. The opinions expressed hereafter are not those of qualified game developers or testers; this is not speculation on the next codex.

*The force org slots need a cleanup. The easiest thing to do would be to shift cult marines back into troops like in 4E, the single most useful thing out of the 4E book.
**'''Radical Opinion:''' TSons in Elites, Plagues in Troops, Zerkers in FA and Noise in HS. A Lord with the right mark can make the others troops and it spreads out units as opposed to lumping them all into one slot. When it comes to Plague Marines, throw in limitations like (say) taking a transport makes them elites or FA, which can be removed with a Nurgle marked Lord. Otherwise, it wasn't like you were using Zerkers to score objectives or sons to speed up to a point, were you? Because if you were, you were certainly doing something wrong.
***Oh hey, if we're gonna make Zerkers FA, how about an option to give them <s>jump packs? How cool does that sound? GW can sell new kits with jump-pack equipped Berzerkers so it's win-win.</s> bikes. Bikes are better
*Bring back certain things from 3E, like veteran skills and cult terminators - especially cult terminators! We probably won't see the legion lists again, but can we at least have some means of ''approximating'' them?
**'''Radical Opinion:''' make cult terminators '''and bikers''' an upgrade for cult troops that necessarily makes them an elites or fast attack unit respectively regardless of who the warlord is.
*Get rid of or improve Mutilators, Possessed, Warp Talons and Helbrutes. Seriously!
**'''Radical Opinion:''' merge warp talons with Raptors, making them Daemons like they were in 3.5E. ''Then,'' make warp talons a melee weapon that grants rending (and other stuff maybe) that can be purchased by Raptors. They get to keep their grenades and get a bitchin' melee weapon.
***Better idea: make jump packs an upgrade for Possessed.
**Do the same with mutilators and obliterators, granting oblits melee weapons while freeing up most of their heavy weapons for Helbrutes and Havocs.
**Speaking of Helbrutes, there's a video floating around the nets regarding how the designers of DV and the last CSM book wanted to make "a dreadnought but ''not'' a dreadnought." How about this: make Helbrutes an S/T 5 3-wound MC with flesh-metal? All the other upgrades for the brutes stand ''plus a havoc missile launcher'' and maybe those warp talons.
**Might as well slam the Forge Fiend and Maulerfiend together. There, now you can have an FF with a 12" move ignoring cover and a Maulerfiend with guns
**Stop fucking around and just give possessed rending attacks already! These random power shenanigans have to stop. The last time they were any good was 3E when you bought Daemonic Talons for them.
*CSM are "space marines," right? Both in the 40K sense (power armoured super humans), but what about the rapid-deployment-from-space sense? Would it not make sense for them to have some sort of means to rapidly deploy from space? It shouldn't be that big of a stretch, considering they already deep-strike terminators in the exact same way as loyalists.
*Can we get vehicle dedication back already? Please? Forgeworld slings it all over the place. Would be nice if we could do that in the Codex.
*Man-portable CSM-only weapons. Melee, ranged, special and heavy for undivided as well as for marked and dedicated units.
**The other bright spot from 4E, the Chaos Lord's Daemon weapon, is more or less the template here.
*Psychic powers: 3 spells per magic god? Are you ''shitting'' us?! Can we at least bring back some of the 3.5 powers with a debuff (y'know, cuz they were nuts)? If not, can we maybe get access to Daemon Lore if the psyker in question is a daemon?
*Marks: remember how different units had different benefits from marks? Can we do that again, please? Also, the idea that CSM units that were also daemons got both Mark and Daemon of Khorne in KDK was pretty cool - let's run with that.
**Also, let marked characters join daemons of that mark's god, FFS.
*Cultists need more weapon options and maybe some sneaky abilities. Remember how back in the day they could infiltrate, outflank or meltabomb? Let's give that another try.
**Let's also mix possessed cultists into the unit as an upgrade - would make for a hilarious and expensive surprise.
**What if there was a Cultist Commando Unit? Given that the CSM are hardcore, there's bound to be some equally hardcore Cultists out there.
*'''Radical Opinion:''' Chosen as an upgrade for CSM, Terminator and biker units (but not cult termies) as a one per army deal. The unit gets access to a gift at a price per unit and individual models get access to melee and ranged weapons. Then, buff Havocs by allowing any model to change out their gun with a special weapon plus 4 heavy weapons per unit.
*Gifts of the Gods: we have fallen a long way from the last gifts list back in 3rd, wherein we currently contend with gifts that are carry-overs from the pre-Age of Sigmar Warriors of Chaos book. These can be alternatively viewed as wargear shamelessly stolen from other codices that doesn't fit with CSM at all (I'm looking at you Ichor Blood and Warrior Familiar). Enough cheap stupid shit - make it pricey
**What's really sad is the last Codex had a good idea hiding in plain sight: Flesh Metal. How about instead of 2+ armour save it becomes "+1 to armour save to max of 2+ and gain IWND"?
**As mentioned before, ''bring back Daemonic Talons!'' Let's call them Warp Talons; they use two hands, model can't use any other weapons, S-user AP-nothing and "Rend Reality," which confers rending, forces successful invul save re-rolls plus any model with this rule that also has smash and makes a smash attack resolves it at D-strength. Oh what's that [[Marneus Calgar|Papa Smurf]]/[[Darnath Lysander|Pissy Pants]]/[[Kaldor Draigo|Stupid Ward Shit]]? You have EW conveniently stolen from [[Daemon Prince|the thing in our 4E book that made it so wonderful]]? [[Angry Marines|EAT A MOUNTAIN OF FUCK!]]
*Ahem, speaking of DP's, why did you have to take EW from them? Why? If they're gonna be a fire magnet (which they should be at their current price) they gotta survive somehow. Yes, I know they can be FMC's, but that shouldn't be the only play style available to them, especially when that one severely limits their le versus their abilities and cost!

TL;DR:players bitching about how their army is not OP, while taking for granted they aren't as bad as orks/nids/sisters and should be grateful for that fact.

==See Also==
*[[Warriors of Chaos]]: The much <s>more</s> <s>competent</s> <s>useful</s> less punching bag counterparts to the Chaos Marines in Warhammer Fantasy, at least until the Age of Sigmar really takes hold.
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Chaos Space Marines(7E)|Tactics/Chaos Space Marines]]
*[[What it's like]]: A needlessly elaborate and dysfunctional take on the subject. Seriously, they'd get fuck all accomplished if they were as described. (As if they aren't getting fuck all accomplished already)

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:1227181112539.jpg|The Typical Chaos Space Marine
File:1174923365695wq1vj1.png|The dreaded [[Night Lords]] preparing an ambush
File:Emperor s Children by megalaros.jpg|Slaaneshi noise marine. Because words can hurt.
File:Lcw.jpg|[[Imperium|They]] think that corpse on a throne is a god!
File:Firstkeeper.jpg|Change we can believe in!
</gallery>

{{Chaos-Official}}
{{Chaos Space Marines}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

Imperial Knight

2016-10-29T15:24:13Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* See Also */

[[File:Knight vs Trygon.jpg|350px|thumbnail|right|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSrcMaid0mg Hmm... does this look familiar to you?]]]
Somewhere between a regular walker and a [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|Titan]], the Imperial Knights are large single pilot war machines, similar to the [[Tau]] [[Riptide#XV104 Riptide Battlesuit|Riptide]]. Usually humanoid, the cockpit for the pilot is mounted in the head or just behind it in the main body.

Their somewhat unexpected return to the 40k setting is possibly a sign of [[Games Workshop|GW]] deciding that people would only play [[Warmachine]] because 40k has insufficient [[warjack]]s [[Skub|(and not because of arguably better rules and update schedule)]], or that they [[Profit|make more money by selling one huge model than lots of little ones]].

They are really [[butthurt|a fairly fan-wanky insertion]] of [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle|Fantasy-era]] [[knight]]s into 40k, which, let's face it, is not exactly a setting devoid of knight analogues, but unlike [[Space Marines|the]] [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|others]], this one is much closer to the original source material: aristocratic dicks in high tech armor suits grinding the faces of the poor while being [[grimdark]] and all knightly and shit, including the [[Game of thrones|politics, incest and backstabbing]] that brings.

Funnily enough for such an in-universe niche unit, Imperial Knights are currently among the most popular models from the 40k range, if the top-seller list of Games Workshop is any indication, and with good reason; their whole design and grimdark steam-punk style catches the eyes, and surely a lot of people are buying it just because it looks that cool. Also, for 150 Naggaroth buckets you get a unit strong enough to be an army on its own or join any imperial force.

[https://youtu.be/ajP5q2HvycY In short they're big, baddass, chivalrous, stompy mechs. Really, what's not to love?]
==About the Knights==
The knights are allied with, or in some cases part of, the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] rather than being part of the Imperium. Knight Worlds are worlds which supply [[Forge World#Planet|Forge Worlds]] with foodstuff and raw materials and are defended by Knight Households. As with most Imperial or Mechanicus forces, the Knight Households wear bright heraldry. The Knight World gathers foodstuff and ores for a set period of time (usually a year) before the Adeptus Mechanicus arrive in a forge ship bringing new knight suits in exchange for the raw materials. Knight Worlds themselves are typically Feudal Worlds, which were easily brought into compliance during the Great Crusade, and which explains the rather aristocratic tone about the Knights. Knight World politics is fueled by the constant resource tithes and the possession of Knight Titans. Any kingdom that possesses a Knight Titan could absolutely smash a kingdom without one, so it behooves a kingdom to concede to being tithed in exchange for the (relatively) ultimate weapon. Once a kingdom has become a Knight Household, any Household with more Knights than it does is a huge threat, so getting more is always important. By the time that the escalation becomes preposterous these Households are already out cruising the stars and fighting things, so the losses constantly need to be replenished lest the Households lose their on-world detachements to off-world conflicts. All that said, Knight Worlds tend to exist rather happily alongside their Forge World; Mechanicus get a defensive buffer and food forever, and the Knight Households get to continue ruling their chunks of the planet. Or all of the planet, depending on how far you can stretch a feudal society.

The Knights themselves are STC relics, dating before even the Dark Age of Technology; with no way of returning to Terra when they arrived on what would become the Knight Worlds, the original human colonists were forced to become self-sufficient, and the Knight suits were vital for their protection and for fighting against the myriad threats to their existence. Additionally, they could also be repurposed for peaceful uses, such as cutting down trees with their chainswords or blasting apart boulders for ore with the battle cannons. As a byproduct of the Throne Mechanicum bonding processes (see below), the Knights' pilots soon came to see themselves as protectors of their people and eventually formed noble households as time went on. By the time of the Great Crusade, many of them had perished in the Age of Strife, and in many cases the survivors were in great need of new raw materials or the expertise required to maintain the suits.

A Knight's Machine Spirit is of a particularly unusual type: to interface with the suit, an aspiring noble must first join with the Throne Mechanicum (the Knight's control system) in a ritual known as the Rite of Becoming. Due to a quirk in the bonding process, the device retains an imprint of each of its former pilots' personalities at the time they were first bonded, and as a result individual suits may develop traits echoing those of their former masters. The link also affects the noble's own mind as well; exposure to the metaphorical (or possibly literal, since there's been at least one case where a Throne Mechanicum took over operating the Knight when its noble was slain by using the memories of its old operators)) ghosts in the machine inevitably causes the noble to develop strong positive feelings towards the concepts of fealty and hierarchy along with a near-mystical reverence toward the noble's ancestors. [[Phoenix Lord|This idea isn't very original]]. Nobody knows why this is, but the Mechanicus thinks it may have been a failsafe in the original plans meant to ensure that no Knight would willingly betray or abandon his own House. Either way, this benefits the Mechanicus rather neatly.

===Houses===
There are two types of knight household, though a third association does exist.
*Those who align themselves with the Imperium directly such as Imperial Houses, acting as independently operating vassals of a greater empire (much like [[Space Marine Chapter]]s do), therefore answering calls for aid as they feel like, rather than being ordered to. Examples of Imperial Houses are:
**'''House Terryn''' - House known for its [[Mary Sue|honour and bravery]] as well as [[Codex Astartes|rigidly adhering to ritual and ceremony]]. Supposedly its homeworld of Voltoris is so [[Macragge|peaceful and boring]] and the aforementioned rituals so tedious that it only encourages them to campaign across the galaxy. (Their colour scheme is [[Ultramarines|blue]].)
**'''House Hawkshroud''' - A very [[Noblebright]] house, who believe that kindness should be returned tenfold and who answer any and all requests for assistance, which means their homeworld of Krastellan lies virtually undefended. Also have links with the [[Imperial Fists]] having been praised by the chapter master for their efforts against the [[Eldar]] of Alaitoc. (Their colour scheme is yellow.)
**'''House Cadmus''' - Were once bound to the Mechanicum, but regained their independence and became an Imperial House when Gryphonne IV was nom nomed by [[Tyranid]]s. Based on the [[Caliban|mutant infested forest world]] of Riasa, they engage on mutant hunts every year, with the [[A Song of Ice and Fire|winner getting to rule the house]] until the next hunt. (Their colour scheme is [[Dark_Angels|green]]).
**'''House Griffith''' - A house of [[Salamanders|hotheads]] who almost exclusively make use of the Knight Errant pattern and come from a planet once inhabited by ''actual dragons''. They are also one of the [[Salamanders|smallest knight houses, but remain one of the most respected]]. They engage in regular jousting tournaments using old fashioned horses, but wearing adamantium armour. Have a preference for [[Rip and Tear|close combat]].
**'''House Mortan''' - A house only recently introduced to the Imperium after being cut off by a nebula which made their planet a night world. For thousands of years they fought giant monsters in the dark until the nebula dissipated in M35 and the Imperium arrived.

*Other households are directly aligned to the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] and are based on ''(or linked to)'' forge worlds, though retain their independence from the Cult Mechanicus they do have reciprocal trade and resupply agreements as well as swearing oaths of protection. Examples of Mechanicum Houses include:
**'''House Taranis''' - The ''First'' of all Knight Houses (read ''Mechanicum'' by [[Graham McNeill]]). They were founded on [[Mars]] during the [[Dark Age of Technology]], and were later the first Martians who met the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] before the [[Great Crusade]]. This house has ownership of some of the oldest knight suits. For some reason, their Knights' Throne Mechanicum units lack the typical mind-altering effects that they would normally possess; nobody knows why. One reason could be that the pilots of House Taranis are loyal to the mechanicus first, and house second.
**'''House Raven''' - The largest of all Knight Households, based on the world of Kolossi and have close links to forge world [[Heavy mythril|Metalica]]. Suspected to hold secret [[Standard Template Construct|STC]] data which explains why they have so many Knight suits. Their fortress, the ''Keep Inviolate'', is said to be one of the most well-protected bastions in the Imperium, on par with the Fang and the Imperial Palace, and appears on their coat of arms.
**'''House Krast''' - The first Knight World (Chrysis) to be rediscovered during the Great Crusade, its proximity to Mars meant it was swiftly brought into the fold, but had its homeworld ravaged by [[Horus]] during the [[Horus Heresy|Heresy]], leaving them the only Household left on the planet. Since the forces on Chrysis were led by the traitorous Legion Mortis, they have a preference for hunting traitor titans.
**'''House Vulker''' - A very wealthy but deeply mysterious house from a star system with vast mineral resources, they never expose any flesh and wear golden masks to cover their faces. Their close links to the Mechanicum are evident in the golden servitors they share between worlds, and their courts being filled with tech priests... Not that outsiders ever get to see inside their courts.

*Sometimes, individual Knights detach themselves from Noble Houses entirely, either having been dishonoured, shunned, or otherwise made unable to continue life within the Household. These knights break out on their own ''(with a handful of retainers to maintain the suit)'', either questing across the stars, or settling down and protecting the settlements on whichever worlds they end up on.
**'''Amaranthine''' - Never ever speaks or leaves his suit. [[Inquisitor]]s chase him around trying to have a word about his loyalties.
**'''Auric Arachnus''' - Somehow connected to the [[Ultramarines]] and earned honour slaying a [[Dominatrix]] during the battle for [[Macragge]].
**'''Crimson Reaper''' - Freak who wears a red & black face mask, who is rumoured to be a [[Vampire|blood sucking mutant]]. Is very prone to collateral damage.
**'''Living Litany/Litany of Destruction''' - A grey, black, and orange Knight Gallant who constantly voxes droning sermons in High Gothic, only changing into loud chants when fighting. He's probably bonkers, but everyone lets it slide since he's still loyal to the Imperium at least. Or at least, they used to- at some point he lost what little was left of his sanity and went renegade. As the Litany of Destruction, his color scheme is identical to what it was as a loyalist but is now visibly emblazoned with the eight-pointed star of Chaos.
**'''Gerantius ''The Forgotten Knight''''' - maintains a secret mountain base on Alaric Prime, though his planet is shared by other lesser knight houses. Thought to be [[undead]] and [[Necromancer|in command of spirits]]. Days which he chooses to fight upon are regarded as ill-omens. Rules for him are in [[White Dwarf]], making him a Seneschal-level knight with ''It Will Not Die'' and the ability to both run & shoot in the same phase.
**'''Justice''' - A freeblade connected to the [[Iron Hands]] chapter who is a master of slaying traitor knights. The Iron Hands chapter appear to be keeping his secrets and will not talk of his past.
**'''Obsidian Knight''' - Fought in the [[Damocles Crusade|Damocles campaign]] along with House Terryn on the planet Agrellan. - Has his own rules in Warzone: Damocles making him an absolute WS/BS 6 [[Awesome|badass]] who hates [[Tau]] with a passion.
**'''Mydos Almighty''' - Hails from a world that was done in by the greed of its upper class, which it fled to actually fight. Rather hypocritically, this Knight is entirely bedecked in fucking GOLD.
**'''Retribution Incarnate''' - A hero of the [[Macharian Crusade]]s, believed to be the last member of an established household.
**'''White Warden''' - The last man standing for House Degallio from the planet of [[Lawful Stupid|Alaric Prime]] ''(same as Gerantius)'', known for his cracking mustache and his willingness to stand up for ridiculous laws.
**'''Tellurus''' - Only living member of a fallen house, and refuses to be seen without armor. Tellurus fought alongside both House Cadmus and House Hawkshroud on Vondrak. ''"...towering and monstrous, a giant of adamantium and fury. With a booming cannon and a roaring chainblade for arms, it was clad in armour the colour of a winter’s sky. Blue and cold, chevroned with streaks of black and amber. A bright gonfalon streamed from its left shoulder. A rearing horse with a fluted horn at its forehead."'' - from ''Knights of the Imperium'' by Graham McNeill. [[Samus|Turns out to be a girl.]]
**'''Domeenito Ohashi''' - Imperial Knight who got stuck on a primitive world under attack by the Orks. [[Awesome|In spite of being sworn to go back to his world of origin, he decides to go freeblade and fights back the greenskins becoming a hero to the population until receiving Imperial Guard reinforcement. since then he has wandered across the galaxy helping the Imperium to crush all kind of xenos raiders in the hopes of getting back home eventually.]]
**'''Dyros Kamata ''The Scorched Knight''''' - A Knight whose rider apparently severed all ties with his house and burned off all his livery by walking into a volcano. He eventually learned that his dad was a corrupt prick, so he killed the old man before going off again.

===Sacristans===
Unlike the much larger [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|Titan legions]], most Imperial Knight Households do '''NOT''' retain [[techpriest]]s of the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to maintain and repair the knight suits. (Though Mechanicum households usually do.)

Instead they invariably include a specific class of individual called a '''Sacristan''', who is basically an artisan and a technology specialist. These Sacristans accompany the knight on his travels and keep his suit operational on campaign, and if a knight becomes somehow divorced from his household and becomes a Freeblade, the sacristans associated with the suit shall travel with him.

Unbeknownst ''(or immaterial)'' to the Imperial Households however, these Sacristans '''ARE''' inducted into the machine cult in a similar fashion to the [[Techmarines]] of the [[Adeptus Astartes]] having been trained either offworld or under an apprenticeship to an already established sacristan. So while they may not be fully ordained tech-priests, they do further the interests of the Mechanicum amongst the Knight Households.

===Chaos and Renegade Knights===
Though they are rare, there are a number of Knight Households or lone freeblade knights who have fallen to [[Chaos]]. Most infamous of all is the [[Slaanesh]] Hellknights of House Devine, who turned during the [[Horus Heresy]] due to [[A Song of Ice and Fire|Lannister]]-esque amounts of twincest. That said, Renegade and Chaos Knights are hunted down by Loyalist households, who view their existence as shaming all other Knights. The "board game" Imperial Knight: Renegade shows one such hunt.

For those who survive, these renegade knights can find employment and protection within the warbands of [[Chaos Space Marines]], or find themselves on the heretical end of a [[Daemons|warp incursion]] that puts their skills and equipment to "good" use.

==Knight Patterns==
[[File:Errant Detachment.jpg|thumb|left|EPIC Errant Knights. For when you want to cook your enemies really fast.]]
[[File:PaladinDetachment.jpg|thumb|right|Paladin Titans from EPIC times.]]
The Knights themselves come in several varieties, all of which have an energy shield to protect them from incoming fire and have a mix of shooty and choppy. 6th edition introduced two varieties have just recently appeared in the 40k model range, the Knight Paladin with its rapid fire battlecannon and the Knight Errant with its thermal cannon. Forge World later joined in with several of its own varieties of Knights, and as of 7th edition three other types (the Crusader, Gallant, and Warden) were added to the main 40k line.

Other varieties, yet to be seen in 40k, are the Knight Castellan with [[Autogun#Autocannon|Autocannons]] and a Quake Cannon and the command Baron Class Knight with an even faster firing battlecannon, improved armor, and the speed and choppiness of the Lancer.

Knights usually deploy alongside Titan legions as auxiliary forces. Although some patterns of Knight are capable of going toe to toe with smaller titans, or even larger titans outfitted exclusively for ranged combat, the Knight's usual role is anti-infantry or anti-light vehicle freeing up the Titans to attack superheavies.

[[File:Knight Errant.jpg|thumb|left|Knight Errant.]]
[[File:Knight Paladin.jpg|thumb|right|Knight Paladin.]]

===Knight Paladin & Knight Errant===
In 40k tabletop terms, the Knight Paladin and Knight Errant are superheavy walkers with strength D close combat weapons, a heavy stubber and a special Ion Shield that gives them a 4+ invulnerable on a facing chosen at the start of each of your opponents shooting phases. The only real difference between the two is arm loadout, since they both use the same basic model: The Paladin has a two-shot battle cannon and an extra heavy stubber, whilst the Errant has an S9 Thermal (i.e. [[Melta]]) Cannon with a large blast marker.

They and all other non-Forge World Knights can take either an Ironstorm Missile Pod (think Whirlwind minus Ordnance), a Heavy 3 Krak missile launcher, or a pair of Icarus autocannons (I.e. actual anti-aircraft weapons) as carapace weapons to supplement their firepower and can also replace the heavy stubber with a meltagun for extra anti-armor usefulness.

Fun fact: In ye olde Epic days, the Errant carried a [[Power weapon#Power Fist|power fist]].

===Knight Crusader===
The first purely ranged Knight, it has the same Battle Cannon as the Knight Paladin (which it can replace with the Thermal Cannon for tankbusting) but replaces its close combat weapon with an Avenger Gatling Cannon, which can unleash up to 12 S6 AP3 Rending shots per turn. You know, for when you need that squad of MEQs wiped out right now and they aren't clustered close enough for the Battle Cannon alone to kill them all. As an added bonus, the Gatling cannon comes with a built-in heavy flamer to compensate for its relative weakness at close range. (The key word is "relative". It can still Stomp, after all, and thanks to Smash it's still shitting out S10AP2 with normal cc attacks. It just can't give anyone the D.)

===Knight Gallant===
The purely choppy counterpart to the Knight Crusader, the Gallant eschews its arm-mounted ranged weapons for a Reaper Chainsword and the Thunderstrike Gauntlet (described below) making it an absolute beast in close combat but of dubious use if it can't close in for the kill. Carapace weapons can mitigate this slightly, but it'll still struggle against shooty foes if it can't get into melee.

===Knight Warden===
A somewhat more customizable Knight than most, by default it comes with the Reaper chainsword and the Crusader's Gatling Cannon on top of the obligatory heavy stubber and a heavy flamer, but it can replace the sword with a Thunderstrike Gauntlet. At first glance, the gauntlet doesn't look like much of an improvement due to the gauntlet always striking at initiative 1 because of its Colossal special rule; however, if the fist ever kills a MC or vehicle the Warden can then throw whatever it killed at someone else. In game terms, this translates to an out-of-phase shooting attack with a large blast template that has a Strength score equal to either the MC's toughness or half of the vehicle's front AV value. Even though it has no AP, it's still capable of serving as an unpleasant surprise for careless opponents.

BONUS POINTS:throw the actual model at the guy you're playing against. And then get your ass kicked for throwing his expensive as hell incarnate Dimachaeron.

===Cerastus Knight Lancer===
[[File:Lancer-trans.jpg|thumb|left|Knight Lancer.]]
The close assault variant of Knight, much taller and faster than the Paladin & Errant by virtue of longer legs. It is ''far'' more specialized than the Paladin or Errant due to its weapon loadout and suffers if it is not supported. Has a physical ion shield rather than just being a force field, which means it cannot block attacks to the rear, however it ''can'' be used against close combat attacks. In its other arm is has a [[Combi-weapon|combi-melee/range weapon]] that gives it extra initiative when it charges into combat, its shooting mode is basically a 18" range 6-shot [[Plasma|plasma rifle]] that concusses its targets. So better to get it into melee with other big things.

On a slightly more hilarious note, the Lancer's ranged attack is of a decent Strength and AP, and fires a lot of shots. It's also not a Template Weapon. While not recommended, it means in a pinch the Lancer ''can'' be used as an anti-aircraft gun should the Knights lack sufficient AA from other sources (e.g. you are running pure Knights and don't have the Icarus autocannons), the amount of shots it fires making it second only to the [[Forgefiend]] in terms of emergency AA. It's also excellent against TEQs! And, with its concussive plasma shots, this thing is actually capable of countering a Wraithknight; even if you don't knock it down to initiative 1, you will be hitting at the same time on the charge.

===Cerastus Knight Castigator===
[[File:Knight Castigator.jpg|thumb|right|Knight Castigator.]]
A Forge World event model, and another close-combat variant. Uses a big fuck-off sword (which is "only" S10, but has the same Deflagrate rule as the [[Volkite Weaponry|Volkite weapons]], rerolls failed armor penetration, and can exchange its attacks to hit everything in base contact once), and a Bolt Cannon which is essentially a S7 AP3 Heavy 8 giant [[bolter]].

===Cerastus Knight Acheron===
[[File:Knight_Arheron.jpg|thumb|left|Knight Acheron.]]
Another Forge World model, tall and lanky like all the other Cerastus pattern models. Has a Flame Cannon to make those Heretics extra crispy, and a [[Chainsword#Chainfist|chainfist]] (with built in twin-linked [[Bolter#Heavy Bolter|heavy bolter]]) that lets it reroll 1s on the Destroyer damage table against vehicles. Now you can give your opponent the D while also fisting them.

===Cerastus Knight Atrapos===
One of the rarest and most potent types Knights, the Cerastus Knight-Atrapos was created solely to destroy heretek engines and xenos war machines whose very nature and existence were considered a blasphemy to the Omnissiah. It comes with the same Blessed Autosimulacra and flare shields the Questoris Knights have and also has a special rule that makes all his weapons twin-linked, if it is firing at a Super-heavy or Gargantuan Creature. All of his weapons are very close ranged but they are a big fuck off to armour and thanks to the swiftness of the cerastus knights he should be in range soon. It is armed with an Atrapos lascutter a D weapon that can be used both in close combat and as a 8" shooting attack. And a Graviton singularity cannon ([[Awesome|yep, it shoots black holes]]) a 36", S8, Ap2, large blast weapon with Armorbane and the Collapsing Singularity rule. This means that before firing the weapon you roll a D6, aon a 1 the knight looses one HP (but the attack is still carried out as long as the knight survives) and on a 6 the attack gains Vortex.

===Questoris Knight Magaera===
[[File:Knight Magaera.jpg|thumb|right|Knight Magaera.]]
Yet another Forge World model, this one is different however, this one is a Questoris variant, which means it's short and fat. It was specially made by the Mechanicus to curry favor with Knight Houses (or to control them, depending on who you ask), and it shows in the unique wargear options it gets. For a start, it has Blessed Autosimulacrum (giving it IWND-lite), and its ionic shield acts similarly to the Flare Shields normally used by superheavy tanks like the [[Spartan Assault Tank]]. Its weapons are no less unusual- it can replace its chainsword for a Siege Claw which grants it Wrecker (and a built in TL rad-cleanser to fuck with Toughness scores), and at range it can employ a phased plasma fusil and a Lightning Cannon that mulch both infantry and all but the heaviest-armored vehicles. There's a catch, though- its reactor is highly unstable, as reflected by the +1 it gets when rolling on the Catastrophic Damage chart.

===Questoris Knight Styrix===
[[File:Knight_Styrix.jpg|thumb|left|Knight Styrix.]]
Yes, Forge World is releasing another pattern of Knight, and it's another short and fat Questoris chassis with Blessed Autosimulacrum. This one packs a [[Volkite Weaponry#Volkite Chieorovile|Volkite Chieorovile]] and a [[Graviton weapons|Graviton Imploder]], and shares the Magaera's option of upgrading its Reaper chainsword to a Hekaton Siege Claw with complimentary Rad Cleanser.

==Times of Epic==
Back in the times of ''Epic Warhammer 40,000'', there were more types of Knights apart from the Paladin and the Errants (though ''Codex: Imperial Knights'' references the Lancer, Castellan and Crusader Knights in fluff at least, and the Lancer, Crusader, and Warden have all gained models):

{|border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2 style="margin: 1em;"
|-
| align=right| [[File:Lancer Command.jpg|150px|thumbnail|centre|Commander type Lancer. They all go really fast.]] || Lancer: Faster than other Knights, this pattern is all about scouting, distraction and hit-and-run tactics. Instead of its standard Shock Lance, it can swap it for a shorter in range, yet more powerful Power Lance. The only downside of them is that they are the most fragile of Knight Pattern. Now in 40k too, being the first Forge World Knight kit.
|-
| align=right| [[File:CrusaderDetachment.jpg|250px|thumbnail|center|When you need to kill something hard, roll out the Crusaders.]] || Crusader: Slower, yet sturdier and more powerful, Crusaders are armed with heavy weapons that are usually found on [[Warlord Battle Titan|Warlord]] or [[Emperor Battle Titan|Imperator Class Titans]] (such as the Quake Cannon). Due to them moving slow (blame the heavy weapons and loads of armoured bits) compared to other Knights, these behemoths are used to snipe targets from extreme range and act as a powerful support force for the rest of the Knights.
|-
| align=right| [[File:CastellanDetachment.jpg|150px|thumbnail|centre|Castellans. Knight level of [[Dakka]].]] || Castellan: The short-ranged cousin of the Crusader that swaps its standard Lascannons for multi-barreled Autocannons. This makes the Castellan a nightmare for infantry and light vehicles, as well as allowing it to deplete an enemy Titan's shields in a disturbingly short time.
|-
| align=right| [[File:KnightBaron.jpg|150px|thumbnail|center|When a Baron enters the battlefield, [[AWESOME]] ensues.]] || Baron: The biggest, baddest of all the Knights. Baron Knights are piloted by the deadliest members of a Knight House. Each Baron is actually build from the very basics as an ace-custom for its pilots, combining the power to keep up with Lancers and armor nearly as tough as Crusaders. Typically armed with Battle Cannons and the Lancer's Power Lance, the Barons lead their kinsmen to war and victory.
|-
| align=right| [[File:KnightWarden.jpg|150px|thumbnail|center|Old people are actually as deadly as younglings.]] || Warden: Piloted by the eldest (read retired) members of a Knight House, these goofy-looking Knights shouldn't be underestimated, much like the old-timers that pilot them. Warden Knight make up (like the Crusader) the heavy support part of a Knight House in the long-range category. Although not as fast as the youngsters, the pilots of Wardens make it up with years of brutally hard-won experience that makes them as deadly as the Barons.
|}

== Why Knights are Awesome ==
[[File:Knight Errant of Freeblade Garantius.jpg|450px|thumbnail|left|Knight Errant of Freeblade Gerantius. The Forgotten Knight. Closest you get to the [[The Green Knight|Green]] [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle|Knight]].]]
Knight Titan lore is some of the coolest stuff in 40k. True to both the medieval tradition and epic feel that 40k thrives from, Knight Titans protect the Agri Worlds that the Mechanicus use to supply (and predominantly feed) their incredibly ravenous [[Forge World#Planet|forge worlds]]. These Titans are easier to produce by far than even the humble [[Warhound Scout Titan]] and so can be made reliably, produced almost as an afterthought. So Knights aren't the biggest, baddest, most overblown thing in 40k -- but, they are to the Knight Worlders. The people who live and die on those Agri Worlds, delineated from other Agri Worlds by their designation as Knight Worlds, are all on the technological and societal footing of Medieval Europe. A lot of these worlds look like the Empire, from [[Warhammer Fantasy]]. Kings and Queens, Arthurian legend, stone brick castles and skullcapped peasantry abound; fields and forests extend to every horizon without end. Remember, [[grimdark|it's much, much more important to obey societal doctrine than to optimize food output]].

Imagine what someone from that world would think when they see a Knight Titan. The most agile giant robots the Imperium makes, capable of shrugging off lasers and plasma bombs, tower silently over a field on a world that probably doesn't even have gunpowder weaponry or a Copernican idea of the night sky. The kingdoms of the planet may have their petty wars, but life is dominated by meeting the food and resource quotas of machine-men from the sky, who build and fix the Knights that children and adults view with awe and reverence, like some amalgam of god and monster. These machine-men could destroy entire kingdoms on a whim by dropping stars from the sky. Kingdoms train their nobles and knightly warriors to fight with swords, horses, and hammers. They conscript armies from farming peasants, and use squads of bowmen to kill men at range....except for the Knight Titan pilots. Those who are honorable enough or skilled enough may graduate beyond knighthood, to Knighthood. Someone who takes a bath maybe twice a month and lives by torchlight has the duty to step inside a machine of such power and complexity that the science of the Third Millennium proves incapable of comprehending it. Those men are revered beyond their kings, for they are the wielders of magic and death, and are entrusted with more true power than any other man on the planet. Those men fight monsters, murderous warriors from the sky, and even other Knights from enemy kingdoms. Sometimes, when the machine men come down when they aren't expected, the men who pilot the god-monsters must go far away to battle alongside the machine men in their wars. Not a war on the other side of the world, but a war on a distant star, surrounded by machines and giants even larger than they.

Imagine the man who has the lifelong job of knowing how to run the Knights, whose sacred duty is to recruit and train pilots. Imagine. A lord or general may give the order to bring cavalry around the left flank, and fire the laser cannon onto the walls of his enemy's castle. Despite his most valorous deeds, his children grow up playing with a giant metal god standing over them, silent and omnipotent, resplendent in livery and gold leaf. These children one day grow old and tell stories not of lords and generals, but of the time when their kingdom's metal giant slew a great beast, or razed an entire castle single-handedly, or ran across the entire world to deliver medicine to a dying king. Imagine what a pilot is to his subjects, or his lords. What legends would be told of them, the men who step inside the kingdom's giant? Their legends are not sagas of inscrutable gods or immortal emperors or statistic-scale tragedies, but of simple, honorable soldiers told by humble, hardworking people centuries after those soldiers are but dust and memory.

If you are not crying tears of pure [[awesome]] right now then you are either have no soul or are [[Sly Marbo]].

==6th Edition and Beyond==
[[File:IKErrant battle.jpg|450px|thumbnail|right|THOU SHALL NOT PASS BY A KNIGHT OF HOUSE TERRYN!! HAVE AT THEE [[Tau|BLUEBERRIES]]!!!.]]

Imperial Knights became a Codex in 6th edition. With the ability to be a Household detachment of 3-6 knights or an allied detachment of 1-3 knights, Knights may ally with [[Chaos]], [[Daemon]]s, [[Necron]]s and [[Tyranid|'Nids]] as Come the Apocalypse, [[Dark Eldar]], [[Tau]] and [[Orks]] as Desperate Allies; [[Eldar]] as Allies of Convenience; and all of the Imperium Faction as Battle Brothers (Yes, even [[Grey Knights]]).

'''Note:''' Imperial Knights are only Vehicles, only scoring if they're your primary. But let's face it you're always playing Purge the Alien anyway, even when it's not. The GW Imperial Knights are not Lords of War for other Imperial armies (the FW ones, however, can fit there), they are an army unto themselves. If you're playing 3-6 as a primary detachment, pick one as your Warlord; he gets relics and +1 WS/BS

Lets do the numbers:
*'''1000 pts''' - You can have up to 2 models to fit the points cost. Sadly this means no Primary Detachment or even formations in low point games as everything has a bare 3-knight minimum requirement. You could run 3 Gallants, and have 75 points left for other options/upgrades, but it's not even remotely competitive, even as the formation.
*'''1250 pts''' - Up to three models this time, making it the first points level you can play with your Primary detachment. With the new codex and a slew of upgrades, depending on what you choose, you can fill out the remaining 100 points with either upgrades to the knights themselves, or take one of the more expensive knights (like the Crusader).
*'''1500 pts''' - Perfect if you plan on only taking Paladins, taking Errants will nab you some extra points to upgrade those stubbers into melta guns (or take a gauntlet for every 2 Errants). At this points cost you can field 4 of these Knights. If you want to field any other types, especially the formations, you're gonna have to start dropping knights, or take a few Gallants to free up the points.
*'''1750pts''' - Now possibly the new sweet spot for Knights. With around 250 extra points to play around with, you can either afford to bring in some Crusaders to pack more damage, upgrade every knight with a carapace weapon, or take 3 Gallants (the cheapest Knights) to bring 5 knights in a 1750 game.
*'''1850pts''' - Similar to above, but now you can field 5 Knights without having 3 or 4 of them be Gallants while still having a decent amount of points to play around with. Note that 5 bare naked Errants cost exactly the same amount, so if you're confident in your melta-spam, this works too.
*'''2000pts''' - Now with upgrades, this has also become a sweet spot for people looking to field the Exalted Court or Baronial Court. With roughly 150 extra points to play with, you can either grant each of your knights one of the relics, or start upgrading them with extra weapons and other whistles. Alternatively, you can field up to 6 bare-bones Gallants at this point, which is just enough to take two Gallant Lance Formations (although this is not wise, it is recommended, if only to see the horror in your opponent's face when 6 knights basically leap across the table to charge him).
So what if you want to deploy 6 Knights on the field at once? You are looking at somewhere between 2220 - 2250pts. If you can do this you just paid $840 USD for an entire army of only 6 models, you sir are the envy of many neckbeards and [[Ork#Flash Gits|clearly have more dollars than sense]]. And we thought the Grey Knights were an elite army per model. Or you can just, oh I don't know, scratch build 6 knights and save yourself $820 bucks. Just sayin'.

Note: Flyers may not be laughing quite as hard with the new 7th edition codex, but may giggle a little as the carapace mounted AC isn't too scary (unless you have five knights all with that weapon...but then your opponent may laugh for different reasons). The Warden/Crusaders gatling cannon can do some credible anti-flyer work and may be your best bet. Regardless, it remains a valid tactic to continue to take all those point you couldn't spend (see above) and buy a Vengeance Weapons Battery w. Quad Icarus, or two, or even better a Firestorm Redoubt.

Second Note: FW have made their own version of an all-knight list, which actually has Knights fitting into a modified force org chart.

==Warhammer 40,000 Freeblade==
Yet another exercise in wasted potential, Warhammer 40,00: Freeblade is a [[Awesome|badass looking third person Imperial Knights game]] [[Skub|for iOS and Android]] and is most likely getting an extremely hackneyed out PC port later on. Someone will ''POSSIBLY'' make it look like a PC game during the process, but keep it on mouse controls and not change anything at all basically. On the other hand, Freeblade seems posed to bring the lore of Warhammer 40k to a new audience of mobile gamers, so there's [[Tzeentch|hope]] yet.

==See Also ==
* [[Imperial Knight House Creation Tables]], work-in-progress tables you can roll on to generate a Knight House of your own.
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Imperial Knights(7E)]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Questoris Knight Crusade (30k)]]

{{40k-Imperial-Vehicles}}
{{Imperium}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

Adeptus Custodes

2016-10-29T15:23:57Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

[[File:Adeptus Custode.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Paladins of the 31st millennium. The 41st ones are marginally less clad in gold and a lot more naked.]]

The Adeptus Custodes are the guardians of the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor of Mankind]] and the most badass group of genetically engineered/enhanced warriors/motherfuckers the galaxy has ever known (with the exception for Assassins and the Primarchs). So badass in-fact that they can get away with dressing like drag queens and transvestites (they love skirts). Well, the skirts are actually a bit closer to the ancient Roman Legionaries, which is pretty awesome in itself, and on the whole they come off as elite and badass.

==Origins & Design==
[[File:Pillarstodes.jpg|400px|left|thumb|[https://youtu.be/R9w_uoUHgiE?t=1m40s ''"After the confinement of the Emperor within the Golden Throne, the Custodes abandoned, among other things, the use of their armour, and their traditional colour of red was changed to black."'']- Horus Heresy: Collected Visions. Hence, the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDEbsZpweDo Pillarstodes] meme isn't actually too far from the truth.]]

The Custodes are warriors unmatched in the galaxy, genetically-engineered by the Emperor himself. The Emperor first created these elite warriors back in the old days of his conquest of Terra, making them souped-up and more long-lived versions of the already hilariously OP [[Thunder Warriors]]. While the Thunder Warriors were eventually replaced by the far more stable but slightly less powerful Space Marines, the Custodes apparently still use those ancient methods (but geared towards producing far more stable warriors) and as such lack a gene-seed.

Although the Custodes were among the first genetically-modified warriors to be created by the Emperor, they were never intended to be part of a conquering army (though The Wolf of Ash and Fire shows that the Emperor sometimes rolled with a hundreds-strong posse of Custodes in battle); such a role was to be filled by the latter [[Adeptus Astartes]] armies. This is revealed both in their mindset and training: While Custodians share a genetic kinship with one another within the formation, they do not foster the same spirit of brotherhood that is instilled within the Astartes in order to function together as a unit. Indeed, each Custodian prepares and inspects his equipment individually, rather than on military parade. The individuality of each Custodes is further promoted by the fact that the processes required to produce them is not as refined or as simple as that of the Astartes and thus they are not "mass-produced" as the Astartes are; meaning that each Custodian is a unique investment for the [[Imperium]]. It was implied in False Gods that the creation of a Custode was a long and arduous process, utterly different from the creation process of a regular Astartes and much costlier, thus their relatively small numbers.

One ritual that the Custodes do share is the recognition of mighty deeds, manifested in the awarding of names, which are added to the Custodian's title to represent the actions he has performed in service to the [[Emperor]]. ('''Constantin Valdor''' obtained 1932 names prior to the assault of Horus upon Terra.) Such names were inscribed onto the inside of the warrior's battle armour as marks of individual pride.

The training of the Custodes also differed immensely from the Adeptus Astartes, since they were intended to be bodyguards rather than soldiers. It is clear from their '''Blood Games''' that Custodians are trained in the arts of assassination -- both improvised and professional -- in order to counter possible assassination attempts on the Emperor. It is common for several Custodians to be on detached duty for these Blood Games so that the organisation remains vigilant against developing threats. Even pre-Heresy, they were clued up enough to recognise Warp-sorcery for what it was.

Furthermore it is clear that the Custodes are also well-versed in the political etiquette of Terra, and have been known to act outside of Imperial law, to infiltrate influential Noble Houses and to investigate any potential threats. (A role that a Space Marine would ''never'' be expected to fulfill.) This aspect of the Custodian mindset is advantageous, given that the Captain-General of the order often shares a seat with the [[High Lords of Terra]] and thus allows him to navigate the political maneuverings of the Imperium's various agencies, while still remaining an awe-inspiring warrior.

==Capabilities==
The martial capabilities of the Adeptus Custodes remain largely unknown. What is known is that they possess skill beyond even a 'normal' member of the [[Adeptus Astartes]]. It has been said that the Adeptus Custodes are to a Space Marine what a Space Marine is to a member of the Imperial Guard. They are similar to the ''[[Grey Knights]]'', the militant arm of the [[Ordo Malleus]] branch of the [[Inquisition]], in that both are elite, secret organisations with close ties to the [[Emperor]]. Custodes are unique as they have neither a known [[Primarch]] nor do they use gene-seed to produce their genetic modifications. They stand a full head taller than a Space Marine and it is said that they were almost the same size as a Primarch. In fact it was said that '''Constantine Valdor''', Chief Custodian to the Emperor during the Horus Heresy, was the same size as the traitor Primarch [[Alpharius]] of the [[Alpha Legion]] (not a great achievement after all, considering Alpharius was the shortest of Primarchs - the size of a tall space marine)

Dan Abnett's ''Blood Games'', however, provides a different version of the relationship between the Astartes and Custodes. Abnett claims that, although Custodians are slightly larger on average than Space Marines, to an observer it would be a tough bet on who would win in a fight based on strength and size alone.

James Swallow's ''Sword of Truth'' sees [[Brother-Captain|Captain]] [[Nathaniel Garro]] fight a one-on-one duel with a mid-level Custodian ''(if there is such a term)'', which he finds is one of the toughest battles of his life and only wins by playing to his opponent's overconfidence and manages to exhaust himself in the process.

Aaron Dembski-Bowden's ''The First Heretic'' further expands on the Custodes fighting style and armoury. Each weapon used by the Custodes is gene-coded to only be used by only that Custodian (Argel Tal stole some and used his demonic powers to unlock them and then kill loyalists. Even funnier when you remember that certain [[Blood Ravens|bloody magpies]] have working Custodian bolter in their armory and some [[Minotaurs|Greeks]] have a Halbard). The weapons are given to them personally by the Emperor (or at least they were in the 31st millennium, they've probably dropped this rule by the 41st) and as such one of the highest [[Heresy|heresies]] possible is to allow a non-Custodian to handle the weapon. Perhaps the most notable thing about the Adeptus Custodes is the radically different combat approach between them and the Adeptus Astartes: Custodes are not brothers. While Space Marines are trained to support their battle-brothers in combat, each Custodian fights by himself, never intending to receive support from their fellow Custodes. The [[Word Bearers]] who observed this were utterly dumbfounded by this approach, thinking the fighting was just "wrong", despite their fighting being individually perfect. They are "tigers" compared to the "wolves" the space marines represent. Ironically though, one becomes good friends with a Word Bearer to the point that they end up fighting in lockstep like true Astartes (even more ironically, that Word Bearer is possessed by a daemon). Also, he has a Custodian named Vendatha kill 3 WB chapter masters in a second, and then survive a full bolter magazine and sword to the face. And on top he has 3 Custodes kill 7 out of 11 the original possessed marines the Gal Vorbak, including a beautiful final kill. Winning.

But in Graham McNeill's ''The Outcast Dead'', an armed and armoured Custodes fights an unarmed and unarmoured World Eater and [[What|loses]] when the World Eater breaks open his armour and [[Rip and tear|rips out the Custodes spine through his chest]], something he threatened to do earlier. So fuck knows how good Custodes are, since Black Library's writers can't get their collective shits together and decide. That or Khorne just felt like trolling the Emperor that day. To be fair, said Custodian was crippled so his physical capabilities were just under what was required for active duty guarding the Emperor, hence the reason he was stuck on guard duty.

''The Outcast Dead'' also provides an example of a Custodian taking on two Astartes at the same time. While Saturnalia dies, he does succeed in killing both of his opponents.

In Anthony Reynolds ''The Purge'', Word Bearer Captain, Sor Talgron makes his personal assessment on Custodians, where while he figures that a single Custodian would likely have little problems dispatching a single Legionary, the larger the theatre of war became, the more the odds would tip in the Astartes favour. Because although Custodians might be peerless warriors, they are not soldiers.

In Guy Haley's ''Throneworld'', a Shadow Seer and a Death Jester kill a dozen Custodes between the two of them, before being brought down by "hundreds" more. Note that, although ''Throneworld'' is set 1500 years after the Horus Heresy, it's clear that the Custodes were still equipped with golden armour, so inadequate equipment is not an excuse for their poor showing.

The thing is that Custodes are not mass produced and are without a Gene-Seed, which aught to provide some level of genetic normality amongst those from the same Chapter. This would lead to a large discrepancy in their individual levels of strength; most of them are superior than the Astartes, but some are weaker.
Thus, where the average Astartes would be a take-all-comers warrior, some Custodes will specialize in infiltration, some will specialize in war, some go more into politics. With enough Custodians, this means that they eventually cover nearly any possible route to attack the Emperor. This would ensure that any opponent attempting to penetrate the Custodes' defenses (being ''bodyguards'' of the Emperor and all) would run into fighting the Custodes who specialize in countering their plan, whatever it may be. But because of the lack of exclusive focus on military matters compared to what Astartes get, if two large forces of equal size came together, it is likely that the Custodians would be cut to pieces due to the Astartes superior coordination and battlefield control.

==Role==
[[File:Shirtless custode.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Chest armor is for pussies anyway...]]
They have the final word on security in the Imperial Palace, and even the High Lords of Terra are subservient to them within its walls.

Although their full numbers remain unknown, three hundred Custodes guard the Emperor's chambers at all times. Also, back before the God-Emperor was interred into the Golden Throne, the Adeptus Custodes was known as the ''Legio Custodes'' (Custodes Legion), and numbered in Ten thousand golden warriors. It is strongly believed that this is their same number today.

Only three hundred of the Adeptus Custodes serve as the actual personal guard of the Emperor, called the Companions. These are those Custodes that are privileged enough to be in the Emperor's physical presence. Each unit of Companions is led by a Centurion. It was one such Centurion that led a small group of Companions to meet Alicia Dominica, head of the Brides of the Emperor (later Sisters of Battle) during Vandire's Reign of Blood. One such Custodian, Constantine Valdor, was the Chief Custodian during the Horus Heresy. He was the most honoured of all the Emperor of Mankind's creations. No other being had served the Emperor for as long as he, save [[Malcador the Sigillite]]. Valdor was a proud and respectful warrior unmatched in his devotion and loyalty to the Emperor. Valdor was ever-present at the Emperor's side, always protecting him from unseen enemies and saving the Emperor's life innumerable times. Along with Malcador, Valdor was his most trusted friend and advisor.

Constantine Valdor was one of the first members of the Council of [[Earth|Terra]]. He also had a close relationship with the Primarchs Rogal Dorn and Leman Russ, although initially Russ and Valdor didn't see eye to eye. Dorn was ever-present at the Imperial Palace during the great Crusade and so Valdor and the Primarch spent much time together. On the other hand, Valdor only earned Russ's respect when the former defeated Horus in a sparring match. The two were then together during the Battle of Prospero. There is no mention of when or how Valdor was killed if he was killed at all. He stepped down from command as a High Lord so that he could protect his beloved Emperor, now ensconced within the Golden Throne.

===Effectiveness===
Occasionally you see questions raised on forums regarding their effectiveness after apparently spending 10,000 years on guard duty, suggesting that despite their biological augmentations; without any actual combat experience they might have simply become a symbolic organisation since Terra is so well defended by other means.

In fact the Custodians sat through most of the [[Age of Apostasy]], not participating until the last moment to bring order when the fighting made it to the Imperial Palace. They also were mysteriously absent during [[The Beheading]] when the [[Officio Assassinorum]] started leveling city blocks. Added to the fact that the ''admittedly'' very old pictures of Custodians show them not even bothering to wear their armour any more indicates that they don't actually have very much to do these days.

However, one very important fact remains: The Golden Throne is a portal to the [[Webway]] which was [[Magnus|broken]], and it takes the [[Emperor]] every ounce of his concentration to stop that energy spilling out into a new [[Eye of Terror]]. Underneath the Imperial Palace [[Malcador the Sigillite]] showed one of the human founders of the [[Inquisition]] a series of adamantium doors the size of Imperator Titans, and even when standing at the first door it sounds like the greatest battle of all time was going on behind them. So while the [[Grey Knights]] are cruising through the galaxy responding to daemonic threats, the Custodians are holding the line at home, fighting perhaps the most significant ''(and secret)'' battle in the history of mankind, making them perhaps the most badass of any fighting forces EVER.

However-however, the recent HH books have clarified a bit more about this. There ''was'' a war between the Custodes and daemons that was fought in the webway after it was damaged by Magnus' warning attempt, but presently, its sealed now. The Custodes and Sisters of Silence fought together in order to beat back the tide of traitors and daemons trying to force themselves through the damaged gate, while the AdMech was given the task of repairing the gate. This was also the time the Emperor had to confine himself into the Golden Throne to help mend with the repairs and he managed to finalize this by creating a massive golden sun in the middle of the webway entrance to fry daemons trying to get through, although maintaining it was an incredibly taxing job that only he is able to reliably do (Malcador was temporarily assigned to this job when the Emperor got up to give Horus a proper stomping and he withered away into dust from the ordeal).

However-however-however, the Custodes' know their stake in the Imperium's and The Emperor's future: should anyone or anything manage to breach the Emperor's chamber; humanity is doomed in all senses of the word, and they have to be in the right condition and in the right place at the right time. Its not unreasonable to assume that the Custodes didn't budge while the Imperium was burning around them (twice) because that could very well be an opening an assassin was expecting as it is not unreasonable to assume Custodes are likely keeping themselves at peak performance to be ready at a moment's notice because only the ballsiest of assassins would even think of trying to infiltrate Holy Terra itself, they have to be ready to take on anything the galaxy can throw at them.

If you're thinking "isn't that what the Palace Guard is for?", well about that: during [[The War of The Beast]] and the Imperium was freaking out over an unstoppable Ork WAAAAGH, an elite squad of 7 Eldar Harlequins managed to infiltrate The Imperial Palace and muscle their way through palace security in an effort to warn The Emperor about something (or so they claim). They were only stopped at the Eternity Gate after an army of angry Custodes confronted and proceeded to cut them down.

So while it might be unreasonable for the Custodes not to assist the Imperium during its most dire times of need: their own duties are something they cannot slack on for even a moment.

==Notable Custodians==
[[File:1264391028586.jpg|500px|thumb|right|And people bitch about Space Marines and Grey Knights having overdone armor....]]
*'''Amon Tauromachian'''- One of the most notable Custodes. In combat, unarmoured, versus three " Migou" ([[H.P. Lovecraft|I see what you did there]]) or Genestock Ogres from Nei Monggol (Ogryns anybody?) Amon is impressive, he is apparently strong enough to effortlessly break an Ogryn's arm, relieving it of its punch-dagger, then ram it through the poor sods skull. One of them grabs him from behind in a bear hug, which he literally shrugs off, then punches his hand through the Ogryn's chest and rips out its heart. Mary Sue you say? All this is from Dan Abnett himself from his short story ''Blood Games''. Also, he is probably refered to in ''The First Heretic'' as an instructor of at least 2 other Custodes, even though the "last" (well, gene-stock/family) name of said Amon is not revealed.
*'''Constantin Valdor'''- The big cheese of the Custodian Guard, he is a mary sue of epic proportions (Almost like [[Kaldor Draigo]]). A monster of a man, he was described as being a head taller than Amon (who was already significantly larger than an Astartes) and the size of a Primarch (Alpharius to be exact). At one point he defeated Horus himself in a sparring match, however, it is never stated how old Horus was when the duel took place. Valdor was one of the Emperors closest friends and his second most trusted advisor (Malcador the Sigillite being #1). He was described as being the mightiest warrior in the entire Imperium with the exception of the Primarchs and Big E himself (he was almost killed by Phosis T'Kar on Prospero however, only surviving because Phosis [[Chaos Spawn|accidentally rolled snake eyes on Chaos Boon]]). Naturally he shared a close relationship with a number of the Primarchs, the most notable being Horus, Rogal Dorn, and Leman Russ. Also, he rolls with the [[Officio Assassinorum]], so he earns massive bonus points there. At the end of the Heresy, he was one of the high lords of Terra, but stepped down sometime after that to be able to look after the Emperor personally. He has since been replaced as Captain-General: in M32 the Custodians are commanded by a new guy called '''Beyreuth'''.

*'''Aquillon'''- the "Oculi Imperator" who was charged with leading four other Custodes, watching over Lorgar and the Word Bearers after the Monarchia kerfuffle. They were kept in the dark about the Heresy until Isstvan V, but left alive because Erebus wanted their blood. Aquillon embarked on a tragic bromance with Argel Tal. It ended badly - Aquillon killed Argel Tal's mortal waifu Cyrene, and the possessed Astartes [[Rip and Tear|bit his head off]].

===Non-canon===
*'''[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device#Team_Emperor|Little Kitten]]'''- known on /tg/ as the Captain-General of the group during "[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]]". May or may not be Constantine Valdor, it's kept deliberately contradictory, what's known is that he was the Custodian who brought Alicia Dominica to the Emperor during the [[Age of Apostasy|Reign of Blood]]. Known for basically telling Big E what is everything. Called "Kitten" for purring up the ranks of the Custodes. Despite the vaguely British accent, he is highly American as he hates [[Tau|Communist fuckers]] with a passion. <s>(It's actually because [[Shadowsun|one]] was tsundere enough that she dropped him before he could tap that ass.)</s> SHIT'S NOT CANON! What is canon though is that he is a black guy (that is, normal human black guy, not [[Salamander]]-Class black). Also manage to beat up a million ton's worth of [[cheese]] in [[Yu-Gi-Oh|a children's card game]].

*'''"[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device#Imperials_(So_sorta_good_guys)|Fab-Custodes]]"'''- aka the Pillar-stodes, See 2nd picture for an idea of what they look like. Their whole image is based on the old post-heresy depiction of the Custodes from [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|First Edition]]. They are NUTS, even more so than [[Rage|the dipshit who wrote twilight]]. They are oily, snickering, gay as [[Slaanesh]]'s hell and love it. Seriously, even Kitten knows this and is worried for the Emperor's safety around them, saying that none of this was his idea.

==Getting a codex==
[[File:1474071012706.jpg|300px|right|thumb|We have leaked information of the Custodes from [[White Dwarf]]! Woot Woot! Damn do those models not disappoint! The hype train has no breaks!]]
In Warhammer 40k no, in Warhammer 30k hell yes. Actually it's the other way around: 40k will have custodes available BEFORE 30k. Damn it forge world!

Forge World confirmed that Adeptus Custodes, will indeed, get not only rules, but models. The rules will likely be in Burning of Prospero book, which was (originally) the 3rd book in the third HH trilogy. They will be released alongside Sisters of Silence rules (also getting models, let us hope they have nipple spikes like the old Blanche art!)

Rules can be found on this PDF: https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Datasheets/Burning%20of%20Prospero%20Imperial%20Datasheets.pdf

==See Also==
*[[Grey Knights]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Custodies-pic-1.jpg|A Custodes. Pimped out beyond recognition? Maybe. Awesome? Hell yes!
Image:Custodes_01.jpg|Custodes Squad.
Image:Custodes-size-comparison.jpg|Size comparison between a Custodes and a Spess Mehreen.
</gallery>

{{Template:Custodes}}
{{Template:Imperium}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]]

Adeptus Mechanicus

2016-10-29T15:23:33Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* See Also */

''"All that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science."''

-Sir Winston Churchill

''"War is the science of destruction."''

-John Abbott

''"Technology is a gift of God. After the gift of life it is perhaps the greatest of God's gifts. It is the mother of civilizations, of arts and of sciences."''

-Freeman Dyson

[[Image:MECHANICUS.jpg|thumb|600px|right|The faculty of engineering never looked so cool!]]
The '''Adeptus Mechanicus'''; Often shortened as '''Admech''', is an organization in the [[Imperium of Man]] responsible for technology, engineering and most of the Imperium's Industrial production, as well as the operation of the [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|Titan]] Legions. The Adeptus Mechanicus, whose individual members are known as [[Techpriest]]s, control thousands of [[Forge World#Planet|forge worlds]] (think about any techno/cyberpunk/industrial trash metal band CD illustration obsessed with heavily polluted industrialized landscapes and you will get a bit close to the idea). Forge worlds are covered in massive manufactoria or, as they are known to speakers of Low Gothic, 'work'. The largest forge world of the Adeptus Mechanicus is [[Mars]], homeworld of the Adeptus Mechanicus, on which the most badass weapons ever known to man are made.

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TvN5lCVkRk They also tend to hog all the really cool shit for themselves]—like Titans and other wonderful stuff—only letting the Imperials have it when really, really necessary (or if they're threatened personally). They have two armies of their own, which are not anything like the [[Imperial Guard]], as they are mostly composed of badass angry cyborgs and boxy technogrunge robots that are more violent than ED209, and giant, tank-crushing, [[Servitor|lobotomized minions]].

They typically look like a cross between [http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jawa Jawas] and [http://marvel.wikia.com/Otto_Octavius_%28Earth-616%29 Doctor Octopus], as well as wearing the sort of rebreather masks that you'll typically see on riot police.

They are also [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17PM-UMVud8 avid music lovers.]

This is [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ecvLRxb3MU their theme] done by [[HMKids]].

And one for [https://youtu.be/Jb8J1zx2Lrg the Machine Cult].

== New Releases! ==
The Mechanicus received an entire army's worth of new plastic models and rulebook! Praise the Omnissiah!

At the moment, the Admech is divided into a number of different mini-factions. Currently, the [[Skitarii]] and the Cult Mechanicus army have been fully released. There is also the "Titan Guard" Secutarii on the way, but they're a Forge World army. The [[Legio Cybernetica]] is also part of the Adeptus Mechanicus, though aside from the Kastelan, they're [[Horus Heresy]] only.

The current releases include Skitarii, who are like if the Guard were badass technogrunge medievalpunk super-soldiers with access to all the good shit, spider-tanks, scout walkers that are basically the Sentinel if it was good, Servitors on tank treads that will wreck your shit, giant crazy-tough robots that will wreck your shit harder, and a plastic Magos HQ unit! Truly, venerate the Omnissiah, and He will provide. The Cult Mechanicus, meanwhile, consists mainly of half-naked tech-priests with a fetish for electricity and some battle servitors, including the aformentioned Kastelan. Tech-Priest Magos are also the only figures in modern 40k that carry [[Volkite]] weapons. The upcoming Titan Guard are divided into Peltasts and Hoplites, which are fitting descriptions as the former look to be ranged skirmishers, while the latter are heavily armored spearmen (the spears happen to shoot electricity).

==History of the Adeptus Mechanicus==
[[Image:Magos Dominus.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Magos]]
The Mechanicus was established in the distant past, when a bunch of <s>machine worshiping technophiles</s> normal people terraformed Mars during mankind's dominating of the Solar System and colonizing of the galaxy. Thus Mars became an extremely technologically advanced society of astronauts, scientists, engineers, manufacturers, and miners wherein they could pursue advances in technology and power the [[Dark Age of Technology]]. After a while, during the [[Age of Strife]], their precious atmosphere was punctured, and solar radiation <s>beat down on their filthy heads</s> burned the land, boiled the seas, and took the sky from them, nuking all life. Everybody either did one of three things: die, hide underground, or turn feral. After hundreds of years of living from half-working mechanical bunker to partially-pressurized archaic hab spire; people began to look upon technology as a saviour and way to return to the former heights of glory. Thus, did a new cult spread amongst the people of Mars, wherein they paid reverence to the Machine God. [[Just as planned]].

[[File:Techpriests_are_still_human_deep_inside.jpg|thumb|300px|left|Who said they are not human or lack the human factor? And thanks to Priests of Mars this is canon.]]

And then they joined the [[EMPRAH]] because they saw him as an aspect of the Machine God called the '[[Omnissiah]]'. As if the parallels aren't already tremendously clear at this point.

Except it's giant load of bullshit. The Tech-priesthood were FORCED to acknowledge the Big E as an incarnate of Machine God quite literally at gunpoint. This happened after they sent pretty much their entire fleet and army to Terra to prevent the Unification of meatbags, so they can continue to raid ancient Terran tombs and libraries once or twice a century. The Emperor's fleet fucked them so hard only one in ten returned to Mars to tell the tale. Needless to say, Fabricator-General was very cooperative when Emprah's armada arrived on Mars orbit. At least they managed to get a special exemption from the "no religions" rule, possibly because the Emperor already knew about the Dragon of Mars (see below). In exchange for giving the Imperium all the guns and tanks they needed, the Emperor promised the Fabricator-General full autonomy on all Forge Worlds, as well as access to Navigators and Astropaths for space travel, and all Archeotech found during the [[Great Crusade]]. Naturally, this managed to smooth things over between the two factions, resulting in the Treaty of Mars and the beginning of the Imperium; As a sign of their alliance, the Emperor changed his sigil from the lightning bolt, as used by the [[Thunder Warriors]], to the two-headed Aquila.

Hilariously, the "Machine God" may actually be the Void Dragon, one of the ancient [[C'tan]] Star Gods. The Void Dragon is actually one of the most powerful of the C'tan, and gains control over machines. All those techpriests are going to have serious problems when it wakes up... Oh yeah. It's on Mars because the EMPRAH roofied it and turned it into an angry cave on Mars...yeah. It's now guarded by the Mechanicus in their Noctys Labyrinth. This point of view is not certain, so the Machine God may be anything like the collective mass of all machines or the sum of all knowledge, neither would all Mechanicus accept a C'Tan as their lord. But it's a more [[Grimdark|fun]] version, isn't it?

==The Machine Spirits==

''"If you run from technology, it will chase you."''

-Robert M. Pirsig

The "[[Machine Spirit]]" is the Imperium's version of Artificial Intelligence, mainly because after the reunification of [[Earth|Terra]]; the Emperor forbade the use of AI in machinery (partly because of the ancient rebellion of the [[Men of Iron]], but mostly to prevent the Void Dragon from skullfucking them, Skynet style).

For all the importance of Machine Spirits to the Mechanicus, it's not entirely clear what they actually are. One theory holds that there is actually a semi-sentient AI fragment in pretty much everything electronic, a leftover from the Age of Strife. These "ghosts in the machine" quite literally must be appeased, or else they'll fuck with the targeting systems in your Bolter at the worst possible moment, start doing doughnuts with your Land Raider, and generally act like dicks. All the ritual and apparent silliness of the Cult Mechanicus, then, is actually necessary to keep the machines operating.

The prevailing theory within the Mechanicus itself would seem to hold that a Machine Spirit is a fragment of the Machine God itself. Whether this is simply rhetoric (you need to keep your gun oiled, or it'll backfire, and the cogboys are just really picky about how you oil it) or the actual truth (the Void Dragon extends its awareness to literally every machine in the universe, which is disturbingly more possible than one might think), the fact remains that Machine Spirits are real enough to severely ruin your day (or your continent, in the case of an itinerant Land Raider), and the ritual and mysticism surrounding the Cult Mechanicum's everyday activities is far more important to them than even the Imperial Creed.

The Techpriests of Mars got around the restrictions against "Abominable Intelligence" in true WH40K [[grimdark]] fashion: cut out the "Artificial" part and make it organic, and vice versa. Nearly every piece of sophisticated machinery in the Imperium operates via a cogitator, analogous to a modern-day microchip, which is basically the cloned or recycled brain of a human converted to function like a horrific cyborg version of a CPU. This interpretation of the "Machine Spirit" is particularly disturbing, to be sure, but is a necessity because the Iron Men incident and Age of Strife in general made the Imperium fear the "Silica Animus". The only true difference between a semi-organic cogitator and a true AI is that their machine spirits have no ability to learn or improve on their own, and therefore must be manually programmed by their operators if they need to learn or do anything that is outside their current programming. Thus, it is now nearly (but not entirely) impossible for machines to rebel on their own, quelling the fears of the Imperium.

In any of these cases, it can be easily understood why machines are revered by the Mechanicus and why they are treated like sentient beings. Although, the AdMech is a bit fuzzy just ''how'' sentient machines are; are they somehow capable of thought like organics or no more sentient than your bread toaster at home?

==The Commandments of the Mechanicus==
The Mechanicus have some ideas that they abide by:

'''The Mysteries:'''

01. Life is directed motion.

02. The spirit is the spark of life.

03. Sentience is the ability to learn the value of knowledge.

04. Intellect is the understanding of knowledge.

05. Sentience is the basest form of Intellect.

06. Understanding is the True Path to Comprehension.

07. Comprehension is the key to all things.

08. The Omnissiah knows all, comprehends all.

'''The Warnings:'''

09. The alien mechanism is a perversion of the true path.

10. The soul is the conscience of sentience.

11. A soul can be bestowed only by the Omnissiah.

12. The Soulless sentience is the enemy of all.

13. The knowledge of the ancients stands beyond question.

14. The machine spirit guards the knowledge of the ancients.

15. Flesh is fallible, but ritual honors the machine spirit.

16. To break with ritual is to break with faith.

==What the Mechanicus does==

[[Image:Mechanical-man.jpg|thumb|300px|right|[[Awesome|"You may say, it is impossible for a man to become like the Machine. And I would reply, that only the smallest mind strives to comprehend its limits"
. -Fabricator General Kane.]]]]

The main role of the Adeptus Mechanicus is to maintain the advanced equipment of the Imperium; which despite stereotypes, they are actually very good at. Most of their rituals to appease machinery are pretty much the same methods we would use to repair our machinery with a whole bunch of religious iconography mixed in. The terms used by the Mechanicus are actually quite similar to our engineers if you swap some of the words (replace machine spirit with A.I, sacred oils with lubricant etc.) Because of its religious nature some of the components of the rituals are unnecessary but almost all Tech-Priests skip the unnecessary stuff in dire situations while some abandon the unnecessary parts altogether. It's also implied that the so-called holy chants are really them repeating instructions to themselves, which would be useful for remembering what you're doing. The cases where chanting is actually necessary is where they are working with something like a [[Land Raider]] or Titan - both of which have a temperamental machine spirit - that you don't want to piss off.

They spend a lot of time traveling across the galaxy looking for some old laptops called "[[Standard Template Construct]]s" that have all the info necessary for the first human colonist do their job well (mostly a mix of Ikea and "high-tech for dummies" manuals). This is the reason why you will end selling grox hamburgers if you study to be an engineer (unless you have balls or are a spess mehreen artificer who might make something really good) in the [[Imperium]]: everything was already done by the ancients in the Dark Age of [[Cyberpunk|William Gibson]] and recorded in these STCs. Thanks to glitches and borderline developers and programmers, all the STCs found by the Mechanicus are more fucked up than Windows Vista. While often the recovered STCs are useless or incomplete, there are instances where they are actually functional, for example the STC data of the Land Raider and the Land Speeder as well as Centurion armour are well known, another nice example is the one found in the novel Skitarius by [[Rob Sanders]], where the badass protagonist helps the Adeptus Mechanicus priests to find a sort of "Empyrean Bomb", capable to dissipate warp phenomena.
More often than not STC data comes from print-outs from fragmented STCs, or copies of these print-outs. These printouts, when discovered, are studied, translated and <s>argued over</s> [[Heresy|scattered among their colossal stacks of Tau pornography]] for centuries before any useful products are made from them. If they ever find an undamaged complete STC, this would likely cause a schism within the Mechanicus, which will tear the Imperium asunder. The Adeptus Mechanicus also attempt sometimes to loot [[Necron]] tombs and will gladly put an entire world at risk for this, and act like it's blasphemy of the most serious kind when people wall it off because of the goddamn killer robot skeletons! The idiots. The Priests of Mars also will not mind getting their hands on Xenos artifacts to see how such "blasphemies" can work, and maybe give a hint of how a [[Orky|"pure" design should have been.]]

Very rarely the Adeptus will actually invent something. While they do adapt designs occasionally the only things they actually invented from scratch is the [[Lascannon]], the Dunestrider perpetual motion machine (who's creator was promptly executed and all designs lost upon creation), as well all the [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|Titans]], except for the Reaver Class and the Apocalypse Class, which were invented during the Age of Strife and the Dark Age of Technology respectively. Which is pretty odd, until you realize that they invented them [[Horus Heresy|pre-heresy]]. Even things like [[Land Raider]]s and [[Land Speeder]]s, which were said to have been given critically important parts by the famous Mr. Land himself, were actually just made from really old bits Land found in the galaxy's third biggest library/archive/warehouse (the one on Terra). Well, they also invented the Infernus pattern Predator. Sure they built it on the [[Rhino Transport|Rhino]] chassis, but they created a pattern without killing everyone involved. Of course, they aren't ''actually'' "inventing" it. They are, supposedly, using divinely inspired reason to create something that has always existed, implicit in the logical structure of the universe. This is, interestingly, not a new idea, it can be traced back to philosophers like Plato, ultimately the Mechanicus will play to no end with the meaning of the word "invent" to get the job done, as too often and despite /tg/'s cartoonish flanderization your average techpriest will have enough common sense to "feel divinely inspired" whenever his/her neck is on the line, you know, desperation is the mother of all inven... Ahem, I mean, "divinely inspired reason".

Also important to mention is what they ''do not do.'' The Mechanicus by and large are the greediest gits in the galaxy. They hoard technology like it is going out of style, which would be fine, if they didn't hoard and defend it, but that isn't the point. The point ''is'' that they're basically [[Monopoly|a mega-corporation that will try to own, buy, sell and take by force any existing technology]]. Getting a part, gun, computer, vehicle, schematic, program, eyepatch, cookie recipe, or even a [[Miniatures|tiny plastic model]] that wasn't specifically mass-produced and shipped to the [[Departmento Munitorum]] so ''they'' can give it to you, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TvN5lCVkRk is nearly impossible.] Anything with any kind of passing significance or interest to the Mechanicus is guarded by 7-foot cyborg death machines. Anything in the private possession of a Mechanicus operative that ''might be'' harder to make than a bolt or nut is treated like the holy grail. I dare you to try and [[rage|take a 8,000 year-old flash drive from a techpriest who just found it.]] It's worse than taking little plastic models from [[tg|fat men]] [[neckbeards|with beards]].

==The Void Dragon==
A lot of their tech stuffs come from the Void Dragon that the Emperor bested and imprisoned on Mars ages ago as so humanity could gain mastery over machines. While it might have worked pretty well back when the Imperium wasn't the festering portaloo of a grimdark shitpit that it is today, it's pretty much a matter of time now. The Necrons already attempted to raid Mars - and succeeded, well, sort of. They got vaporized before they could really even do anything, but the fact that they managed to even land proved a point the High Lords of Terra had been turning a blind eye towards for ages.

If the T-800s get what they want and party on Mars long enough to wake the Void Dragon up, you can bet it's going to be a pretty goddamned bad day for just about any human not [[Feral World|wearing loincloths and still bashing rocks together]]. The few Mechanicus agents who have figured this out have either gone rogue, blammed or gone totally bonkers, ripping all the implants from their flesh. And when you're a member of the Mechanicus, that's about 80% of your body.

Of course, the even worse possibility is that the void dragon enjoys this situation, as every time the tech-priests remove their flesh and place more machine into it, they could be feeding him a fraction of their soul. As there are quite a few tech-priests out there, and humanity being the rabbits they are, this would give him a lifetime of souls to be eating, and a personal army that is very much willing.

By the way, the "Void" Dragon is actually only called "The Dragon" in the official fluff, probably as a reference to Metropolis. <s>But for God knows what unreasonable reason, /tg/ insists on calling him the "Void Dragon", thus confusing him with an Eldar aircraft, or with an Eldar pirate warband. Unless it's an obscure vidya reference. Whatever, maybe it just sounds cooler.</s> The [[Eldar]] refer to it as the "Void Dragon", and the aircraft and pirate warband take their names from it.

'''UPDATE:''' The new Codex: Necrons written by our [[Matt Ward|Spiritual Liege]] reveals the necrons are no longer enslaved by the C'tan, instead they are their sworn enemies for tricking them into giving up flesh, thus they were probably going to Mars to capture the Imperial held C'tan shard of the Void Dragon as they won't see humans reliable, or perhaps they were under control of another shard, and wanted to liberate it, oh whatever, for what we know it may have been [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trollzyn]] trying to loot Mars. Or, maybe they simply realize that having a C'tan that can control technology on a planet-sized machine-scape is a ''bad'' idea.

The only thing that changes as a result of that is once the Void Dragon (shard or whole, who knows?) wakes up, it will be the only C'tan with ready access to an army, and a pretty damn huge one at that- so it's not only going to be a real bad day for the Imperium, but the Necrons as well.

'''UPDATE 2:''' And now it seems the World Engine of [[Astral Knights]] fame was supposed to be in route to Mars in order to allow his usurper Phaeron to get himself a new Void Dragon Pokémon, good thing he got sabotaged.

==Why Everything is so Grimdark==
''"The Mechanicus does NOT have the technology. They haven't been living on some fancy paradise planet since pre-Fall. Mars is an anarchic nightmare shithole the moment you leave the safe zones into the kilometers of labyrinthine corridors beneath it full of rogue machinery, self-aware and malevolent AI from before the Fall, and the daemon programs of the Heresy. EVERYTHING in the databases is fucked. The databases are fragmented over the entire surface to the extent that it would be impossible to see one tenth of the total files in the ludicrously extended life of a Magos even assuming that they are completely safe to visit. And they are not.

''The files have been corrupted into madness by the Fall, and the unleashing of the most potent informational warfare systems ever to exist to defeat the Iron Men. Nearly all of Mars was rendered uninhabitable, what they live in now is built on the top of the ruins. They send archeotech expeditions in to find shit, nearly all of them never come back. The sheer number of rogue war machine running around in there is sufficient to rape the mind. Then came the Heresy, which was not earth-exclusive. Mars as the second most critical planet in the Imperium was the site of fighting nearly as ferocious as on Terra, with Mechanicus loyalists and Hereteks fighting tooth, nail, and mechadendrite everywhere. Ancient machines were unleashed, viruses both normal and daemonic unleashed into all the computer systems. Towards the close of the Heresy, Rogal Dorn sent some Space Marine operatives to wipe the planet clean of all life. Nearly every single stored record on Mars was rendered unusable, and those that survived are half the time self-aware and don't like you, or daemonic and actively try to kill you.

''If you come back with a schematic, it is almost certainly gibberish, and if it isn't, it's probably corrupted into uselessness. If it does come back whole it was probably malevolently fucked with so that instead of a Lasgun power cell it's a fucking grenade set to detonate the second you finish building it. Why do you think they want off-world STCs so damned much if they had them all here? The fucking Heresy is why. Off-world they only have to contend with the Fall's war and its effects on the machinery plus twenty thousand years of degradation with no maintenance. But at least off-world it'll probably just not work instead of actively seeking to kill you.

''Why do you think they seek to placate the Machine Spirit? It's because it exists. The fragments of trillions of self-aware programs, flourishing during the Dark Age of Technology and shattered by Man in his war with the Iron men, imprisoning the few who had not set themselves irrevocably into the machinery, a prison smashed wide open by the Heresy. Everything that can hold programming in the Imperium has a shard of a program in it. EVERYTHING. And you'd better fucking please it or it will do everything in its power to make your day shit. Sure, if it's a Lasgun it'll just not work or start shooting off rounds by itself, but if you piss off a Land Raider you can say bye-bye to half a continent. They apply these principles to things without spirits by habit, since they're so used to dealing with tanks that if not talked to just right might go rogue and annihilate the Manufactorum before they can be killed.

''This is why they do not like ANYONE fucking with technology, because it is so rare to find anything that just works it is critical it not be compromised. That, and they do not have the actual knowledge to fuck with it intelligently, just through experimentation, which inevitably leads to slaughter. Pressing buttons to see what works is fine in a 21st century computer, but it is a very stupid thing to do at the helm of a 410th century starship with the destructive power to end solar systems. The entire knowledge base of humanity was lost. Not forgotten, but outright lost. Everything at all, poof. Nobody knows anything because the Fall fucked everything up and the Heresy double-fucked it. To rebuild the theoretical framework needed to design new technologies that don't kill everyone near them would require starting from the ground up. They don't have the time, they never have, and they never will.

''This gets on to the point of war and what it does to technology. Someone will parrot that it makes it go much faster. Yes, it makes practical applications of technology go much faster. It also utterly stops all research on the scientific theories behind those technologies. This means that when war chugs along for a decade or two things get done. It means when it goes on too long you run out of theories to turn into technologies, and then you run out of technologies to apply. You stagnate. When you have been fighting in a war for survival in a drastically overextended empire, this is what happens. You are desperate for any extra materiel that can possibly be produced. Half your entire fucking military might went rogue, smashed the half that stayed and a whole swathe of the logistical side of your society, leaving you with the tattered shreds of a war machine to keep hold of an empire that was reaching straining point with an army far larger. There is no time for the sort of applied research programs that took Man twenty five thousand years to develop, in a time of unprecedented growth and prosperity.

''This is also why the Adeptus Mechanicus insists on cargo cultism. It's because when you are dealing with things you barely understand because everything you knew about them was destroyed it is the safest and most reliable option. The rituals do not exists for mysticism, they exist because they are the most practical means of building, repairing and maintaining the equipment they have with the knowledge surviving. You don't understand why pressing that button makes it go, because the manual tried to take over your brain and the copies are all unreadable and the research base that would let you reverse-engineer it does not exist and cannot be built.

''Why are the Tau doing so well with their technology? Because they had peace. Eight thousand years unmolested by any enemy and they were helped the entire time by the most advanced biological race in the galaxy. Give the Imperium eight thousand years of peace and I can guarantee you it will be harder than it was during the Great Crusade.

''Since some still don't get the idea, try this:

''Build a library, fill it with all human knowledge. You take it elsewhere when you need a book from it, but the book is only a simplified copy. You don't understand the real book, and you don't need to. Nobody takes the real books anywhere because why would you, when there's a whole library there?

''Now that library goes rogue and the maintenance machinery starts killing everyone any-fucking-where near it. Where the fuck did they all come from, you swear to god there weren't this many, and there weren't because they're using the library's information to fight their war. The government fights a battle that destroys the planet against these robots and tears apart the library to stop them using it, only to be destroyed in the process. The library is leveled, cast into flames, every book burned and every computer virus-laden.

''Then comes a man who worked there. He talks to the few surviving library workers, assembles their information, and starts rebuilding a city around the library and expanding it as the librarians find little scraps of paper and fragmented bits of files that stuck together just right read something. They rebuild a library from scrap on the ashes of the old. It isn't a shadow on the glory of the old, but it is all they have.

''Then the city turns on itself, kills its master, and the librarians turn to rage. Half of them kill the other half and destroy the remnants of the library because where they're going they won't need science. Everything burns, and the city is left to a scattered few survivors, walls open to the world, with the hungry predators circling.

''The Adeptus Mechanicus is the sole surviving librarian, desperately scrabbling through the ashes of paper and splinters of hard drives for anything to help him and the city he needs to survive just a second longer.

''The Imperium isn't grim because things suck by choice and could be fine if a sensible person came along. That sensible person wouldn't survive fifty seconds of the reality. The Imperium is grim because every single shit decision, every single sacrifice, every single death, every single man woman and child suffering a shit life in the worst conditions imaginable, is the absolute best that can be done. It is a study of the worst happening to everyone and what part of your humanity must be sacrificed today just to stand a chance of survival, and all it asks is whether or not it would have perhaps been better to die."'' --Baron von Evilsatan

==The Religion of the Adeptus Mechanicus==

(Forgive OP's bellicose statement, but the fluff and novels pertaining to the AdMech are rather obscure to whether or not they truly understand what they talk about.)

Begin Rant/file exc.//>>

''Children, I'm fucking fed up with your shit. Cult Mechanicus IS NOT a replacement of rational thought with religion for the sake of operating machines.It's a (in-universe) developed philosophy of collective rationalism. AdMechs don't throw their critical thinking out of the window. They just already took this thinking, put it on a pedestal, brought it to it's apex (Dark Age), suffered for it, suffered for it again (HorusHeresy, Schism of Mars), then looked at it and asked : "What do we do now?" Every Mechanicum is a rationalist, in a meaning that when he goes through all the critical thinking to the basic reason of his existence, he takes on the dogma of Quest for Knowledge. That he exists to Rationalize the Universe, move towards learning and understanding the Universe and it's laws. It's also a collective quest - adept doesn't seek knowledge just for himself, he sees all the Adeptus Mechanicus as one single huge Gnostical Engine, a Machine of Comprehension designed to learn. He's just a single little gear in the heart of enormous Over-Intellect gathering and producing knowledge.

''For what sake? AdMechs thought a lot about this question, and took one answer.

''For the sake of Mankind.

''Now THIS is where shit gets religious.

''As of it now, humanity utilizes science for egoistical purposes of survival (scientists need something to eat) and/or domination, which can be understood by every human through his instincts. Society of Mars, however, got devoid of this motivators, as they dropped their human instincts, so they had to find new goals. This is where the Schism takes roots, as well as the "Cult" part. Every rational human can tell you that objectively life has no meaning. Accepting that fact is what brought the galaxy Necrons and Iron Men. AdMechs knew that this is what they wish to avoid. And the most effective way to avoid that is to walk the irrational way and put a sense for your existence through Faith.

''This is what they did.

''They are the fanatics in the sense that they BELIEVE that Universe CAN be comprehended, while they have 0 proof of that. They BELIEVE that critical thinking works, while living in a Galaxy that laughs at any attempts of rationalization. They BELIEVE that Quest for Knowledge can be completed. And it this faith, they are being paradoxical and irrational. And they know it. Lets have a look at Universal Laws, that Mechanicum use as the foundation of their philosophy.

''The Mysteries

''01. Life is directed motion.

''This gives a definition to "life", as existence of individual. A definition that basically says "Only that thing which irrationally takes a (faith) direction for it's way can be called a Living Thing".

''02. The spirit is the spark of life.

''Here they recognize the illogical existence of Souls and Warp, and their defining roles in being representation of one's beliefs.

''03. Sentience is the ability to learn the value of knowledge.

''04. Intellect is the understanding of knowledge.

''05. Sentience is the basest form of Intellect.

''Here they define ability for rational thinking.

''06. Understanding is the True Path to Comprehension.

''07. Comprehension is the key to all things.

''And HERE they put this thinking as their Way to exist.

''08. The Omnissiah knows all, comprehends all.

''And establish an ideal, to which they are heading. --Anon

End Rant/file//>>

Another Magos adds:
There's definitely variation in the creed between forgeworlds and different cults-- even post Heresy, Mars is not unified-- but a lot of them operate on this sort of platonic/hermeticist logic.
Regardless of whether they believe all knowledge already exists or that the disciplined mind can create new things, the religion is trying for union with some perfect being. Whether that's taken to mean "become a robot because the flesh is weak", "find salvation in logic", or even "cultivate the Omnissiah within you" (which would lead to radical differences in practice, from penitent cyberization cults to contemplative engineering orders, which we see in the many faces of the Mechanicum, Koriel Zeth, Forgeworld Mezoa, the Myrmidon Orders, etc), it all leads back to a cautious quest to be the best you can be with logic as your guide.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
image:Adeptus_Mechanicus.jpg
Image:TechpriestChiyo.jpg|D'awwww.
Image:Mechanicuuuuus.jpg
Image:AdMech_Couple.jpg|D'awwww. By the way this is canon.
Image:CircleA_AdMech.jpg|PRAISE THE OMNISSIAH!
Image:rave_heretek_by_psykerscum.jpg|Someone got Chaos on my Mechanicus, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbAUwi4D3Ew now with theme music!]
image:1318818198286.gif.jpg|We're not sure if that's tech-heresy or an actual activation ritual. Ask your local Magos for clarification.
Image:Leokadia chernabog by mr culexus-d3hxqx2.jpg|showin' a little augmented leg
Image:AdMech Scientific Method.jpg|Science in the 41st Millennium.

</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Cult_Mechanicus(7E)|Mechanicus Tactics.]] - [[Awesome|Yes, they have rules now.]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Skitarii (7E)|Skitarii Tactics.]] - For the Tech-Guard soldiers of the Mechanicus
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Mechanicum_(30k)|Heresy Era Mechanicum Tactics.]] - 6th/early 7th edition rules. Very different from either of the 40k versions.
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Mechanicum:_Taghmata_(30k)|Mechanicum: Taghmata (30k)]] - Current 7th edition rules. Still very different to the 40k versions.

{{Template:Mechanicus}}
{{Template:Imperium}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Adeptus Mechanicus]]

Sisters of Battle

2016-10-29T15:23:11Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

{{Promotions}}
'''"Plastic sisters of battle?!"'''
--HYPE

''"Bunch together a group of people deliberately chosen for strong religious feelings, and you have a practical guarantee of dark morbidities expressed in crime, perversion, and insanity."''

-H.P. Lovecraft

''[[Guidelines of the Space Marines|Space Marine Guideline]] 1: Thou shalt not refer to the Adepta Sororitas as "[[Bolter]] [[Bitches]]," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of their "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.
[[File:Nun n' Gun.jpg|300px|right|thumb|What? U MAD [[Space Marine|SPESS MAHREEN?]] ]]'''Sisters of Battle''' are essentially [[Warhammer 40k]]'s female equivalent of [[Space Marines]], warriors devoted to the [[God-Emperor_of_Mankind|Emperor]]. Although they lack the genetic modification of their beefier brethren, they also wear [[power armour]] and are armed mainly with the ubiquitous [[Bolter]] and [[Chainsword]]. The Sisters of Battle are also known as the "Daughters of the Emperor", and officially as the "Adepta Sororitas", though the Adepta Sororitas refers to their entire organization, while the term Sisters of Battle refers only to their militant branch. They are more colloquially known by players as "Bolter-bitches" or "Nuns with guns" almost always resulting in a awkward boner. They are ''not'' to be confused with [[Female Space Marines]].

==Overview==
[[File:Lusty Marine.png|300px|right]]
The Sisters of Battle are part of the [[Ecclesiarchy]], the religious arm of Imperial government, and sometimes work with the [[Inquisition]]'s [[Witch Hunters]]. In the 36th millennium, the Ecclesiarchy's pope launched a coup d'état that led to a devastating civil war. After said pope was crushed, the Imperium banned the Ecclesiarchy from having its own army. However, they fucked up the wording of the law, which only explicitly banned the church from having "men at arms", but not "women at arms". The Ecclesiarchy fully exploited this loophole.

They have somewhat of an obsession with the purifying effects of flame, and generally choose equipment that allows them to cover heretics with as much holy promethium and thermal lances as possible. This philosophy is most obviously exemplified by the Immolator tank, essentially a rolling [[METAL BOXES|steel crate]] with giant flamethrowers or multi-meltas stuck on it. They also have the [[Exorcist]], a mobile pipe organ that shoots missiles. Less accurate than the Whirlwind Missile Launcher or any Imperial Guard artillery, but who cares, the thought of pipe organs launching missiles while playing epic mass complete with Latin is fuckawesome, dammit.

.

[[File:Ordersmilitant.jpg|200px|thumb|left|An overview of the six main Orders. Sadly brief, but characterful.]]

There are six main Orders. All minor Orders are descended from one of these.

* '''Sacred Rose:''' cool, calm and collected. The most tactical Sisters. Enjoy gunning their foes down in a more disciplined manner. If they were to get their own rules, their Rets would have slow and purposeful. They wear White.

* '''Ebon Chalice:''' the vanilla Order. These Sisters haven't changed a whole lot since they were first created, preferring to stick to their tried and tested methods. They wear Black.

* '''Argent Shroud:''' the Lawful Goods. Are a rarity among Imperial factions, in that they are described as being famous for selfless heroism, as well as altruism. For this reason, /tg/ likes to fluff them as noble space Paladins and bros to the [[Salamanders]]. They wear Silver.

* '''Bloody Rose:''' aggressive as fuck. Aim to kill off their enemies as quickly as possible, as they see no reason to let the heretic live any longer than necessary. They wear Red.

* '''Our Martyred Lady:''' the postergirl Order, depicted in most mainstream portrayals of the Sisters. This has led to many people thinking that all Sisters have white hair, when it is in fact seemingly only this Order that does it. The Order itself is reputed as being determined even for SoBs, which is saying something. Will not stop until their enemies are utterly destroyed. They wear Black and Red.

* '''Valorous Heart:''' Repent! These Sisters feel the guiltiest about that whole [[Age of Apostasy]] thing, and as a result have an excess of [[Sisters Repentia|Repentias]]. Likely on constant lookout for the slightest sign of weakeness in themselves or any allies serving alongside them. They wear the most black.

==Sororitas Orders Non-Militant==
As mentioned in the opening, not all of the Adepta Sororitas are actually Sisters of Battle. A number of Orders exist which officially serve non-combat-related roles in Imperial Society, although they tend to receive even less attention than their combat-fighting sisters. The largest source of info on these Sororitas thus-far is the ''Blood of Martyrs'' sourcebook for [[Dark Heresy]], which specifies the three most important Orders and mentions the existence of others, even lesser in nature. ''Blood of Martyrs'' even includes character classes for members of the three major Orders Non-Militant.

* '''Orders Dialogous:''' These Sororitas are dedicated to the studying of language, with tasks ranging from interpreting long-lost texts to accompanying Imperial diplomats on contact missions with intelligent xenos species. Thanks to their training, even the most average Sororitas knows several hundred everyday human dialects and dozens of secret cants, ciphers, even xenos tongues. Sororitas of these Orders are some of the few individuals judged worthy (and capable) of actually understanding the [[Eldar]] tongue.

* '''Orders Famulous:''' Literally the [[Dune|Bene Gesserit]]. These Sororitas serve intimately with the upper echelons of Imperial society, acting as chamberlains, counselors and consuls to the nobility. Their focus is on the spiritual and genetic purity of the human race, so they concern themselves with not only seeing to the education of nobles, but also secretly arranging alliances and marriages, in hopes of preventing corruption and inbreeding from taking root. They are particularly involved in tracking the manifestation of saints, which makes them a popular ally for Thorian Inquisitors.

* '''Orders Hospitaller:''' Healers and medics, these Sororitas are amongst the most skilled and compassionate surgeons in the Imperium, meaning they are commonly found attached to the [[Imperial Guard]]. Given their mission, they are one of the more beloved orders by the common citizenry of the Imperium. Of course, this being the Imperium, they're also expert torturers often called upon for that purpose by the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition, though Inquisitors are cautioned against using Hospitallers to keep important heretics alive; they have a bad tendency to forget about the future gains and instead "take the Emperor's justice into their own hands".

* Others: Scores, perhaps even hundreds, of minor non-militant Orders exist within the Adepta Sororitas. ''Blood of Martyrs'' mentions the '''Orders Sabine''' (who infiltrate newly rediscovered worlds and prepare them for the Missionarius Galaxia) and '''Orders Pronatus''' (guardians of sacred relics) as examples of more wide-spread Orders Non-Militant, and three "local" Orders in the forms of the '''Madriga''' (temple choirs), '''Planxilium''' (leading processionals on holy days) and '''Vespila''' (sanctifying the dead and forensic specialists).

==Sisters Snuff==
Back in [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|1st Edition]], they were present fluff only as an order that was essentially the [[Just As Planned|Inquisition for everyone including the Inquisition]] and [[Derp|Space Marines]]. This would change in later editions, when they eventually get their own codex.

In 1997, when the Necrons were launched, Games Workshop had them face the Sisters in a Battle report, which the Sisters lost. The results of this battle report then became the [[Sanctuary 101]] fluff. Games Workshop liked the result so much that they decided the Sisters of Battle should get slaughtered all the time. Unless they are falling to Chaos, obviously. Some fans blame popular GW whipping boy [[Matthew Ward|Matt "Spiritual Liege" Ward]] for this tendency, but it was there long before he got here [[FATAL|and it continues to exist after he left]].

Please note that while [[Heresy|fa/tg/uys]] [[/d/|masturbate furiously]] to fanfics of Sisters engaging in bdsm fetish sex with the likes of other Lesbian sisters, servitors, children, Schola Progenium cadets or even the likes of [[Sister of Nurgle|Nurgle]], all of the below actually, '''canonically''' ''fucking happened''. It should also be worth noting that they're getting stomped by their own fucking allies in most of these.

[[File:Warhammer_40k_sisters_of_battle_adeptas_sororitas_battling_Dark_Eldar.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Heroic Lesbian Space Nuns + Evil BDSM Space Elves = [[Faptau|YEAH!]]]]
Some highlights include:
* Some of a Dialogus Order and some Battle Sisters turned to Chaos by a [[Slaanesh|Slaaneshi]] Keeper of Secrets.
* A whole Order Mind Controlled by one chaos Psyker. Fucking [[C.S.Goto|Goto]] (this happened again in the cain books fyi).
* A strike force of Celestians and an Inquisitor being killed, cannibalized, and sacrificed by the Sons of Malice Astartes chapter for disturbing their victory rites and falsely accusing the chapter of heresy.
* A whole shrine-world of Sisters killed by a <s>[[Chaos Dreadnought#Helbrute|Helbrute]]</s> [[Daemon Engine]] powered by [[rage]]. It shrugs off meltas, meltabombs and multiple Exorcist volleys, and the efforts of a number of Salamanders in Terminator armour. A Living Saint even gives up her divinity to stop it by speaking the bound Daemon's true name (her order had a vow of silence, probably so the audio recording team didn't need to hire women to do any of the speaking rolls for the audio drama), weakening it after her aura of peace causes it to calm down and shrink down to the size of a man instead of a massive daemon walker. It's destroyed by its shell being broken when a Marine throws a thunder hammer at it. ''We are not making this shit up''.
* A detachment of Sisters killed by [[Grey Knights]], [[Khornate Knights|their bodies sliced open and their blood applied to the Grey Knights' armor, so the Grey Knights can be immune to the Bloodtide's effects (though some of the Sisters were immune with faith alone, make of that what you will).]] The Bloodtide was retconned in the most recent Grey Knights Codex to not explicitly mention said armor-paint incident, but they do instead lose to a daemon horde after buckling at the sight of Kaldor Titanfucking Draigo. At least they went down fighting this time, but losing's still losing.
* In another instance of Grey Knight-on-Sororita violence, during the climax of the first novel of the Grey Knight series, a detachment of Sisters led by Cannoness Ludmilla is tricked by a Chaos-turned Inquisitor into thinking that the Grey Knights pursuing it are Chaos Space Marines. Later (as in a few pages later), said detachment gets nearly kamikaze'd by said Grey Knight Strike Cruiser, which itself was shot down by Imperial Navy ships fooled into thinking that it was Chaos - starting to see a pattern here? Surprisingly, the only dudes that die from the crash are Imperial Guard and PDF - the Sisters survive but only to get the ever-Emprah-lovin' shit beaten out of them by the surviving Grey Knights. The sisters pull no punches, however, and do manage to take out a few of Alaric's squadmates, so power to them. BUT WAIT. Seeing as this was written by a much more competent author, unlike the ambiguous piece of shite-fluff written by a certain [[Matthew Ward|spiritual liege]], both sides figure out that this was part of an elaborate case of [[JUST AS PLANNED]], they stop fighting,and even more shockingly, the person who ends it is Cannoness Ludmilla, after noticing the FUCKHUEG books bolted on the GK's mighty pauldrons, and team up to take down the Big Baddy.

==The Sudden Yet Inevitable Betrayal==
[[File:Sister_Hmph.jpg|200px|thumb|left|The reaction of Sisters and SoB players everywhere to the codex update.]]
{{MattWard}}
As of August 1, 2011 it seems [[Games Workshop]] finally decided to attempt to "revamp" the Sisters of Battle, much to the aggravation of about two thirds of the Witch Hunters' remaining playerbase. It's by no means a horrible update; initial worries on /tg/ suggested it to be akin to a biblical plague in terms of disaster-level, when in truth it's simply [[Tyranid|sub-average]]. The Codex Update had its fluff written by [[Matt Ward|your SPIRITUAL LIEGE]]. In spite of this, it's squarely in-level with another [[Tyranids|bad codex update]], because the rules were clearly written by committee.

For starters, gone are the various special characters that got gobbled up by the [[Grey Knights]] codex update, like Inquisitor Valeria. The Sisters have many of their own special characters now, but a lot of the classics, like Lord Krazypantzoff, are gone now since they're now part of the Grey Knights army list. Immolators took a nasty nerf-bat to the face (they can't fire on the move and have no firepoints now, which makes them basically more-cost-effective [[Razorback Transport]]s). Who would have thought that Games Workshop would update an army by [[Carnifex|nerfing the one model every player had a couple of so that they all have to go out and buy new models]]?

Inquisitorial Stormtroopers are gone as well, and Faith is now randomized, which means that it's much harder to manage in big games. Faith is now, functionally, a game of roulette, with randomized dice rolls deciding how much (if anything at all) you get. Sisters now all have very specific faith powers on a by-squad basis now, and whilst several are powerful, others are meh at best.
[[Image:Repressor.jpg|right|thumb|Heavy armor in an update? We fucking ''wish''.]] Whereas before you had a nice general army that could use faith points to adapt to different situations, in the new system you have mostly weaker powers that are unreliable. Powers that most other units for similar points get permanently.

Sadly, things were muddled by a spree of fake releases as part of an [[Troll|April Fool's Prank]]. Original reports of genuinely useful units to offset the loss of the Stormtroopers and inducted forces thus turned out to be false. As of thus far, there's been no reports of new units - so in other words, about a third of the Sisters' armory is now gone without being replaced by anything. The new special characters reportedly are nothing worth getting excited over. (The knights feel your pain now.)

The Sisters carry over a number of Grey Knight units as well, including Death-Cult Assassins, Arco-Flagellants, and Crusaders. There was talk of a new heavy transport/assault vehicle called the Repressor (see image above), but it turned out to be part of the same fucking April Fool's Prank and is still Forgeworld-only (which sucks because it would be an improvement). Sisters Repentia were originally purportedly nerfed, but in the end the Repentia now are ''vastly'' better, boasting a 6++ invulnerable save, Fleet, and double their original number of attacks with a faith act to do more on death - meaning they stand a good chance of fucking up a lot of units they wouldn't before now... So ''now'' instead of paying ridiculous prices for a sick joke, you're just paying ridiculous prices for a suicide squad. At least they'll rape shit while they're there now. ''Progress''!
The funniest thing is that you have 5 different types of independent characters that boosts the unit they joins assault skills...And even with all the buffs added to the best assault unit in the army you would still be hard pressed to defeat a space marine tactical squad in an assault.

The biggest kick in the cunt for the Sisters, aside from the obvious loss of utility units, was the loss of ally rules and inducted unit rules. One of the biggest advantages the Sisters had was the ability to, courtesy of the Ordo Hereticus, requisition allied forces. A time-honored method of getting around the relatively weak Sisters of Battle vehicular lineup was to take some Inducted Guardsmen for a Leman Russ or two, or Space Marines for a Predator. The loss of Inquisitors also came with the loss of [[Land Raider]]s as dedicated transports, which was another stab at their vehicular capabilities.

On the plus side, the fluff was <s>very clearly ''not'' written by [[Matt Ward|the blessed one]] either</s> nope it would seem he did, since the Sisters in it are portrayed as completely badass, fighting off a Daemonic incursion by themselves without ever needing [[Khornate Knights|the Grey Knights to butcher them and turn them into armor paint]]. One can only imagine how the development meeting for this codex went - because most of /tg/ argues that it had to be hilarious. In fact, the best of Canonesses can now become Inquisitors, which means the best of canonesses now get, fluff wise to get psychic mastery levels and TERMINATOR ARMOR, which makes them even more badass than a Terminator Librarian and certainly a non-Sororitas Terminator Inquisitor, since neither of them have a free 6++ save or Acts of Faith. This is not, however, yet applicable to the rather new Inquisitorial Codex (but home-brew can definitely do it).

===The Eternal Vigil===
[[Image:Homelesssister.jpg|right|thumb|Come on guys, she's got sisters to feed.]]
While most members of /tg/ are violently, gleefully convinced the sisters are on their way to be [[Squat|squatted]], a tiny contingent of the faithful keeps a candle burning, waiting for the day that their beloved bolter bitches will rise again ([[Finecast|tiny bubbles]] and all).

*'''0172008.M3:''' The Sisters are released as a playable faction in [[Dawn of War]]: Soulstorm. While it is poorly designed and built, it still drums up some enthusiasm for the Sisters. Many conflicted feels are had.
*'''0583011.M3:''' [[Matt Ward|The Destroyer]] and [[Robin Cruddace|The Cruddace]] release a playable [[White Dwarf]] codex for the sisters, hinting at a similar treatment to the Blood <s>Angels </s> <s> heretics </s> fuck you.
*'''0608012.M3:''' The sisters are retained for the 6E allies system and given a new flyer via [[Forge World]]. An unconfirmed leak shows a line up of new Sisters characters in development.
*'''0569013.M3:''' Faithful pilgrims supplicate themselves before the great and powerful [[Jervis Johnson]] asking for news on the Sisters. They are told that all armies are being worked on and there are no plans to discontinue support for the sisters. [[Phil Kelly|The Kelly]] adds that modeling issues prevented their release previously.
*'''0561113.M3:''' Rumors begin swirling about an official digital codex release for the Sisters. A leaked and subsequently confirmed White Dwarf advert later confirms this, and promises an updated version of the 5e codex. A later interview with [[Robin Cruddace|The Cruddace]] indicates that the codex will include tweaks to Faith and points cost, and that if it sells well enough it may get a physical release. The release date for the digital codex has been set at October 19th. Later comments on the GW Digital Editions facebook page confirms that it will have a Warlord Chart, Ecclesiarchy Relics and an Altar of War, in addition to some updates, new fluff and artwork and changes to faith and points costs. It appears that the Sisters prayers have been at least partially answered. A physical release however is still very much dependent on the sale of this eBook however. Also during all this GW changes the name from Sisters of Battle to Adepta Sororitas most likely because it sounds cooler and is [[ChapterHouse Studios|easier to maintain copyright on]]. The reactions are mixed when the Codex is released, with such changes like making all Acts of Faith usable only once, maximum twice, per battle and many buffs and nerfs around the board, leaving many arguing whatever the Sisters got better or majorly screwed.
*'''0999999.M3:''' Escalation is released, alongside Stronghold Assault. While Stronghold Assault slips by unnoticed, the Sisters of Battle receive no Lords of War choices in an otherwise controversial and poorly thought out expansion. It then falls to Forge World to release a downloadable sheet a few days later saying that Sisters armies can take Warhound & Reaver titans, as well as Marauder Bombers & Destroyers as Lords of War. The Sisters have yet to comment on how overkill these choices might be if they can ever deploy them. The Reaver is at least far too expensive for normal games.

===Optimistic Theory===
A hobby store employee hit me up with this theory: the Sisters have been out of focus because GeeDubs haven't been able to make quality plastic molds of Sisters until very recently (two prominent GW people, Jes Goodwin and Phil Kelly, have said as much anyway). While I admit this guy is a bit ''too'' merciful on GeeDubs, he has ''friends'' on the inside and claims to have witnessed firsthand several prototype sculpts of Sisters with veils on their faces. His personal theory is that GeeDubs has been saving up, and will give Sisters a fancy hardcover 7th ed codex in late 2015 or so once the plastic models are finished (This theory is seconded; a mate of mine who works for the local Geedubya office says there are whispers of plastic Sororitas in his workplace. Ave Imperator).(My local Geedubya says that the plastic models are completed, but that they are waiting for a big enough window in the upcoming release schedule to put them out.)

'''As of the 10/10/16, the Sisters of Battle have been confirmed* to be produced in plastic within the next few months.''' This was [http://bloodofkittens.com/blog/2016/10/13/meat-meta-american-warhammer-world/ confirmed by Phil Kelly] three days later.

Also remember that fluff wise, the best of Sororitas Canonesses may ascend to be an Inquisitor if they so choose, and Inquisitors use Terminator armor. That means, (while this has yet to appear in the rulebooks) that they take their canoness statline, Acts of Faith and their 6++ save and gain a 2+ save, on top of having a psychic mastery level or two, and way better equipment than either the Marines or Sororitas have. Totally tradeable for And They Shall Know No Fear and +1 Toughness, since no Terminator either gets a 6++ (Except every terminator because terminator armor gives a 5++) save or Acts of Faith.
This should be allowed, but it should have the points price, fully outfitted (as in psychic mastery level 3, Deny the Witch 3+, Armor is a 2+3++or a rerollable3+3++, psybolter rounds for the bolter/boltpistol or having an inferno pistol or two, a relic blade/artificer power sword/chainsword, crazy Inquisitor doo-hickeys) and the special included things like a free 6++ and Acts of Faith should cost about the points of an otherwise unupgraded Flyrant.
Maybe GW will do that? Maybe?

-* It actually made a joke about them while revealing plastic Thousand Sons and Magnus as Daemon Prince. If GeeDubs don't show any trace of a SoB release by 10/10/17, a new Chaos God will born from the utter butthurt. Also the Sisters of Silence plastics have been shown with the possibility they be rolled into the Sisters of Battle army.

===Getting Started With The Nuns===
As of the time of this writing the Sisters of Battle are only marginally better supported than GW's old specialist games, at least Bretonnia is all in plastic (Just kidding, the End Times took care of them), but the Sisters are all still in metal. In fact their range may be up to 90% of the models GW sells that still are in metal and they are priced accordingly to that. To build a single ten Sister squad leaves you almost 90 US dollars poorer right there, not counting any special or heavy weapons you want to add. The sculpts themselves are also over 20 years old, thankfully due to their unique nature and design most of their models are still very pleasant to look at, but nevertheless an update would be appreciated.

Compounding the issue is the fact that GeeDubs is cutting the range in to more tatters than a particular incident involving Grey Knights, the Sister's most notable loss of late was the Immolator (The local GW manager wasn't even aware of this fact) and most recently stocks of Sisters bearing Blessed Banners have dried up in the UK. Making hounding eBay the only real alternative.

Until that happens, any player looking to start Sisters has an unique problem; actually getting models for their army in a cost-effective way. This is especially problematic for the Sisters since they can and will eventually amass quite a bit of power-armored models, which while not as many as the IG or the Ork, they are still''' a wallet screaming nightmare to put together.'''

The first answer is to [http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Proxy proxy], look for another company for models. The problem is that Sisters are '''unique'''. If you look around among other miniature manufacturers you'll find that the 'army of nuns in power armor' theme is, surprisingly uncommon (given how many Space Marines knockoffs you can find). Sure you can find one or two models, but nothing you can replicate army-wide. Your odds of finding proper models go up if you just look for 'girls in power armor' but even then your pickings are slim. Again any option you do find will likely be hard to use army wide unless you really commit to kit bashing to deal with weapon and pose problems. There's a few ideas and links in the [http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Adepta_Sororitas(7E) tactica.]

All in all until GW puts some plastics out, there are no good options for sister players at the moment except MAYBE [[casting]] if you're dedicated and want official models on a budget.

UPDATE: With the expected release of Daemon Primarch Magnus the Red, Gee Dubs released a confirmation video. At the very last second, he mentions "Plastic Sisters of Battle". So, save your money and pray to the Emprah for plastic Battle Nuns and a codex to match!

==The James Swallow books: SoBs can win too!==
[[File:Hammer-and-anvil.jpg|250px|thumb|left|Sister Miriya from Hammer & Anvil, yes, [[Black Library]] artists can draw pretty sisters too.]]
Among [[Black Library]], there are two books, specifically starring the Sisters, that are widely considered to be some the finest portrayals of SoBs in all of [[40K]] fluff. Both were authored by [[James Swallow]], who decided that Sisters needed some attention and got to work. The first, [http://www.blacklibrary.com/all-products/Faith-and-Fire.html Faith and Fire], has the Sisters battling with what are basically terrorist psykers on a shrine world while trying to uncover the reasons behind the attacks. Then there's the sequel, [http://www.blacklibrary.com/all-products/Hammer-and-Anvil.html Hammer and Anvil]. Remember reading about Sanctuary 101 up there? This book has them going back there and trying to figure out what happened. While saying too much would be spoiling it, it can be said that shit hits the fan hard and that the final battle is very epic stuff. Also, if you're feeling extra faithful, Swallow wrote an SoB audiobook called [http://www.blacklibrary.com/all-products/red-and-black-mp3.html Red and Black]. A prequel to Faith and Fire, it has the Sisters being sent to a recently rediscovered planet as representatives of the Imperium, and ultimately to judge it. Needless to say, things get complicated. Also features a Scottish SoB. So, you can help the Sisters by getting the above books so that [[Games Workshop]] and Black Library may decide to change their minds and give some love to these girls. Or at least give them some additional badass portrayals.

==Tactics==
The Sisters of Battle employ a costly yet simple tactic whenever they're called out for battle:

 1. Bring thousands of sexually deprived Sisters of Battle into the field.
 2.Arm them all with Melta and flame-based weapons.
 3.<s>Tell them they can shlick to the image of the Emperor if they triumph over the foul enemies of the Imperium.</s> {{BLAM|'''HERESY. *BLAM*'''}}
 4.Set them loose, hope you are not fighting slaaneshi cult.
 5.If they do win, all remaining Imperial troops, save for the SoBs, are ordered off the field.
 6.No other accounts can be heard of, as remembrancers and all other Imperial journalists are sworn to an oath of silence on whatever events transpired.
 7.????
 8.Profit.

''(Yes we do have a real tactica, its [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Adepta Sororitas(7E)|here]].)''

==See Also==
*[[Codex - Sisters of Battle: /tg/ edition]] - in which the glory of the Witch Hunters, fueled by the possibilities of the 6th edition rulebook come together to cleanse the battlefield in a holy trinity of prometheum, bolter shells and melta rays.
*[[Codex - Adepta Sororitas: /tg/ 7th Edition]] - the result of an anon challenging /tg/ to update the mediocre 6th edition digital codex; a true update that makes full use of 7th edition rules. Includes formations, flyers, decurions, customizable Living Saints, and much more.
*[[Sisters of Cleaning]] - a [[/tg/]] created order.
*[[Sister Hospitaler]] - a non-militant Sister.
*[[The Times and Trials of Klightus]]; a love story about a shy [[Imperial Guard | Guardsman]] and a Sister of Battle.
*[[The Steadfast Pewter Sororitas]] - a sad story about what happens to those metal Sisters that don't get bought.
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Adepta Sororitas(7E)]] - tactica on how to play them.
*<s>[[Sister of Solace]] - a fapfic about a less than pious order of Sisters.</s>{{BLAM|Heresy!}}
*[[Sisters of Battle Order Creation Tables]] - Create your very own Order of pyromaniac nuns.
*[[Sisters of Sigmar]] - The Warhammer Fantasy equivalent
*[[Psychic Sisters]] - A small house rule if you want your sisters a bit more witch hunting, but don't want to go full /tg/ edition.

==External Links==
*[http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1426730/ suptg archive about Sisters of Battle and pedophilia].
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHuNbWMBAeA FOR THE IMPERIUM! ''Hey, there's no rule saying that warrior space nuns can't be badass.'']
*[https://www.sendspace.com/file/8zykal Rules & Summary for Adepta Sororitas, for those who do not like the clusterfuck digital codex.]

==Costume Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Sororita cosplay7.jpg
Image:SororitaAsianCosplay.jpg|Sister Shoju
Image:Sororita_cosplay4.jpg
Image:Repentia_+_bolter_bitches.jpg|The [[Animu|Japanese]] are beating us to the punch.(this is the Chinese,goddammit)
image:Sis.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Gallery==
 
{{Exterminatus}}
 
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Sister of D'awwwww.jpg|They aren't actually this cute. -But they should be.-
Image:Sororit as planned.jpg| The rape face you know you love.
Image:Canoness femdom.jpg|Goddamn fetishists... '''Ohoho!''' The [[Slaanesh|glorious satin throne]] is telling me '''someone''' is feeling a little butthurt! Speaking of which I'm late for my [[Rape|lunchtime appointment]].
Image:Pedo Sisters.jpg
Image:NoiseMarine SoB.jpg | [[Rape|We all know how this is going to end.]]
Image:MujuLolcron.jpg|Love Can Bl-- wait.
Image:Sororitas.png
Image:Ephrael_stern_page29.jpg|There was a sister in the [[Lost Worlds]] battlebook series.
Image:1290509755821.jpg|Can't read my, Can't read my, No he cannot read my Purging Face (She's got no one to spare)
Image:Sistergangbang.png|There are not too many men (not counting old priests) in Adepta Sororitas so they have to improvise.
Image:Sororitas strawberries.jpg
Image:Sistersnslaanesh.jpg| Incompetent Inquisitor is incompetent (Hey, we know he did that on purpose).
Image:Sisters.jpg|
Image:1269678816033.jpg|dum dum dum... dummmm
Image:Repentia_1.jpg|Sisters Repentia are supposed to repent. Stop whinging you know we know that you like this more.
Image:Repentia_2.jpg|Not that they are fanatical about it.
Image:FIGHTBYMYSIDE.jpg| An imperial artist's representation of a living saint.
Image:1228252747952.jpg|Cum my sisters!
Image:1228253984074.jpg|OMNOMNOMNOM
Image:1230052783344.png|Post whenever you need to make a fa/tg/uy rage that he doesn't understand the role and jurisdiction of Commissars.
Image:1230051355300.gif|GENESTEALERS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. <s>-But they should-</s> NO THEY SHOULDN'T, YOU SICK [[Slaanesh|PERV]].
Image:Peachsororitas.jpg|Sorry Mario, but your Heresy is in another castle
Image:Games Workshop Hates France.jpeg|This is rain.
Image:sister_n_slaaneshi.jpg|Sister in ''deep'' trouble.
Image:1232217288173.jpg|
Image:LolimoNsis.png
Image:B0018254_4897156440df9.jpg|Grimdark meets [[Hot Chicks]].
Image:1233114472588.png|Unlike other settings, in 40k this kind of thing DOESN'T work. Still kinda hot though.
Image:1227858843066.jpg|Sisters love delicious xeno shota.
Image:2nhnnlh.jpg|The lesser known loli chapter.
Image:X6eb14.jpg|moar
Image:SistervsLeviathan.jpg|OMNOMNOMNOM
Image:Sororita_change_poster.png|Yes We Can
Image:Nagasister_of_battle.jpg|Are we this desperate for recruits?
image:Haters.png|Some day we too will receive an utterly broken codex update, and when we do this image will be faithfully waiting for you.
image:Sistersuperior.jpg|
image:1335738154693.jpg
image:91a96fb85899c260cb028d6ac34603b6.jpg
Image:SisterShy.jpg|You don't want to see her tsun side.
image:Notsureheresy.jpg
File:Heretic%3F_Colored.jpg|Better purge them anyway...
image:SisterCheer.jpg|<s>NO THATS STUPID NO NO NO.</s> Let's face it, being a bunch of glorified cheerleaders isn't that far off the mark nowadays...
image:Sisterweeaboo.jpg
image:Pyschosister.jpg|[[Awesome|Problems heretics?]]
image:ChaosCookies.png|Just as planned.
image:BurnHereticsBurn.jpg|Heretics gunna get burned.
Image:SororitaInquisitorIsntHome.jpg|When the Inquisitor's away, the Sisters will play...
File:Sisters of repentia sisters of battle Adepta Sororitas rule 34 montage can't believe how hard fetish rule 34 Warhammer 40k myoc redux.jpg|As hilarious as it is to picture a bunch of semi-nude nuns bull rushing a carnifex or a baneblade through a hail of gunfire, it's also weirdly sexy. Behold, the [[Sisters Repentia]].
</gallery>
</center>

{{Template:Sisters-of-Battle}}
{{Template:Imperium}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[category:Imperial]][[Category:Matt Ward]]
[[Category:Sisters of Battle]]

Imperial Guard

2016-10-29T15:22:50Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

{{Awesome}}
[[File:Macharius Charge.png|500px|thumb|right|And his name struck fear into the hearts of men.]]
''"Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood."''

''"Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men."''
 - George S. Patton

''"Quantity has a quality all of its own"''
 - Atrributed to Joseph Stalin

''"To each of us falls a task, and all the [[Emperor]] requires of us Guardsmen is that we stand the line, and we die fighting. It is what we do ''best'' - we die standing."''
 - [[General Sturnn]] of the Imperial Guard

The '''Imperial Guard''' (officially titled the '''Astra Militarum''' as of [[Warhammer 40,000 6th Edition|6th edition]], cause fuck your original name if GW can't trademark it), are the foot soldiers of the [[Imperium]] in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. They exist only to die gloriously in the [[Empra]]'s name. [[Commissar]]s (like [[Holt]] and [[Ciaphas Cain]]) ensure they do so regularly, and any cowards or deserters tend to be summarily executed. During the [[Great Crusade]], the Emperor only intended for them to be [[Solar Auxilia|auxilia]] for his [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHRINES]] (and to man masses of tanks and artillery and air-support), since the average Guardsman is only capable of drawing enemy fire and shining a [[Lasgun|flashlight]] at his enemies (much more fortunate Guardsmen get to drive the tanks and other armored vehicles fielded by the IG, [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|which proceed to blow their enemies into little chunks]] [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|from a very long ways away]]); but after [[Horus Heresy|Horus' little tantrum]] and the [[Second Founding|breakup of the Legions]], trillions upon trillions of humans were drafted to make up for the difference, even if they're generally not [[Grimdark|expected to survive their first combat action]]. Or training. Or just meeting their commissar for the first time. Even so, many consider their dogged perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds to be what makes them so balls-to-the-wall [[awesome]].

==Overview==
It is worth noting that in a universe where the majority of the other armies are either:
* [[Necron|Ancient Murdering Robots that destroy the laws of physics with their tech and don't die even if they are nuked]]
* [[Space Marines|Genetically engineered killing machines]]
* [[Chaos Space Marines|The evil twin brother of the Genetically engineered killing machines]], with equally evil goatees
* Clad in [[pauldrons|powered armor]]
* [[Ork|Extremely warlike genetically-engineered fungus able to grow bigger and stronger the more they fight.]]
* [[Eldar|Manipulative space elves]] in possession of extremely cheesy technology and can jump around making damn accurate shots like Quake players
* The above-mentioned space elves' [[Dark Eldar|emo, bondage obsessed cousins]] who like to meet interesting people, shoot them a little, then torture them for eternity
* Highly-advanced [[Tau|Space Communists]] with Mecha and god-like firepower that surprisingly uses Combined Arms Warfare more than Imperial Guard
* [[Tyranid|Mutant 10ft tall space monsters with lots of teeth to devour you with]]
* [[Tyranid|Come in such a huge swarms that you literally run out of ammo before your guns can chew through half of them]]
* [[Daemon]]s with a billion tentacles to rape you with
* [[Rak'gol|Reptilian/Insectoid abominations that kill you and mutilate your body because they think its "Funny"]]
* Some combination of the above

[[File:Trance.jpg|300px|right|thumb|"Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games!"]]
The foot soldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing more than the 40k equivalent of flak jackets, glorified laser pointers, a copy of the [[Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer]] (<strike>if they have not already used it for toilet paper</strike>.{{BLAM}} Note: it is highly recommended that you do not use it as toilet paper, to prevent BLAMing) and a pair of Mars pattern-forged titanium-plated balls. Please note that whilst the Lasgun and Flak armor (in essence it's an oversized SAPI plate) are very good by modern standards, they're just flashlights and t-shirts compared to the automatic mini-rocket launchers and power armor everyone else uses. This means they have balls of steel (as in Duke Nukem would say, "Holy shit! I thought I had balls of steel!").

Examples of Guardsmen going above and beyond this, demonstrating the possession of testicles so massive they should be deployed in battle as a separate unit, are plentiful; [[Ollanius Pius]] is one such Guardsman, standing up to fucking [[Horus]] himself (which unfortunately has been retconned. Several times.); the original [[Dawn of War]] features the Blood Ravens running into a pair of Guardsmen who have held their position, without support, in the middle of a combined Chaos/Ork/Eldar invasion, for more than a week; [[Dawn of War II]] has Guardsmen rescued in an earlier mission returning in the finale to provide infantry support while the Blood Ravens launch an attack on a fucking [[Tyranid]] hive. These same guardsmen (led by the ever awesome [[Merrick|Sergeant Merrick]]) SURVIVE the suicidal mission and fight on for TEN MORE YEARS against the remnants of the Tyranids/Orks/Eldar, and a group totaling up to 72 still loyal IG in six separate blob-groups on frozen over Aurelia during those same ten years manage to hold out against their late fellows now in Papa Nurgle's arms who are supported by the remnants of the Black Legion in the area, while just outside the new temple to Nurgle.

Although the average front line Guardsman is highly unlikely to survive his first deployment, veteran soldiers are considered to be some of the manliest motherfuckers the Imperium has to offer, putting even the fucking SPESS MEHRENS to a billion shames. One disturbing thing is that if the tactics of the Imperial Guard were improved from WWI style warfare (overuse of artillery and mass charges against machine guns and tanks) and updated to modern style warfare (such as taking cover and using air/armor/support, which many elite regiments often are, theres so much damn variety you can't really have good quality control.) the Imperial Guard ''could'' become the most feared army in the Universe but '''NO''' that's not [[grimdark]] enough! And that's the Tau's tactic. Although, do note that some commanders themselves shove off this fact and do order their men to charge the enemy lines, with or without heavy armor/artillery support and regardless of terrain.

Dan Abnett's work and their latest edition turned them into Gods of Mechanized War and yet, they still suck compared to 8 feet tall Daemonic killing machines with chainaxes. To be fair, though, that's much like comparing a sedan to a tank. I mean, how are you NOT supposed to suck against things that will slice through meter thick steel armor like so much cheese?

It may sound harsh, but the cold, hard truth of the matter is that the lowest currency in the Imperium is human life. For example, in the modern day a commander would be expected to sacrifice expensive equipment (a cruise missile ain't cheap) to save even a single life, because in the grim darkness of the far future, public outreach, civilian morale and "leave no man behind" kind of ideals tend to screw up a already overtaxed bureaucratically fucked Munitorium commanders justifiably believe it isn't worth the trouble . Instead, commanders do risk assessment. They're not going to devote resources just to save one lowly grunt if they're gonna lose a resource more expensive than what they're getting. Although to be fair, commanders who make these decisions know the moral implications of what they're doing while the Imperium treats this as a perfectly normal act.

[[File:Lord Solar Macharius.jpg|250px|left|thumb|"The meaning of victory is not to defeat your enemy but to destroy him, to eradicate him from living memory, to leave no remnant of his endeavors, to crush utterly his every achievement and remove from all record his every trace of existence. From that defeat no enemy can ever recover. That is the meaning of victory."]]

A bit of maths, if you will. There are 32,380 Hive Worlds in the Imperium. The average population of these worlds is around 200 billion each. We put these together and we get 6.476E15 (6,476,000,000,000,000 or 6.476 Quadrillion) people on Hive worlds ALONE. Eventually there would be more human retard-babies that there would be soylens viridiens and lasguns to come out of the Forge World assembly lines.

So now you see why humans are worth so little. But this also means that once they get their ass in gear and onto the battlefield, they ALWAYS win, because they have all but unlimited manpower and resources. Compare it to water bashing against rocks. Sure, a few gallons won't do jack, but countless billions of tonnes crashing down on it WILL destroy it in a surprisingly short amount of time. Apply actual tactics, as every regiment that isn't Kriegan does, and it becomes [[rape|even more effective]] (Do keep in mind, it's not like they commit trillions of troops to one battle. The Imperium frequently has to withdraw, but it's like saying "We lost the battle, BUT NOT THE WAR!").

In fact, it is point-blank stated numerous times that guardsmen are way cheaper than their lasguns. Because, you know, there are far more Hive Worlds to ''produce'' humans than there are Forge Worlds to produce lasguns. And to add more grimdark, Imperium lost a lot of forge worlds and mining worlds during the [[Time of Ending]], so there are even fewer lasguns and cardboard jackets coming from assembly lines. The [[Death Korps of Krieg]] have a specific guy who runs around battlefields shooting the wounded and collecting their gear (as well as blood and organs to fix those who still can be saved to fight next day).

Think of the Red Army from the Hollywood movie [[wikipedia:Enemy at the Gates|Enemy at the Gates]]: Soviet Russia there had a fuckton of soldiers to draw from, but many were not issued spare ammunition or even rifles, and were expected to loot supplies off dead bodies. On an individual level the Germans had the obvious advantage, but send in enough cannon fodder to keep them pinned inside they city, then cut them off, and they eventually cracked. (Note: this is in fact a myth, Soviet war production outpaced Germany's by far.)

But what the Imperium does have going for itself is the individual heroism of its protectors. The Guard holds countless heroes, without whom the Imperium would have fallen ages ago. Notable heroes of the Imperial Guard include: [[Ollanius Pius]], [[Straken]], [[Creed]], [[Lord Solar Macharius]], [[Ciaphas Cain|Ciaphas Cain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM]], [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Yarrick]], and countless others. These unique men and women inspire the masses around them to truly heroic deeds, and through those deeds, ensure that the Imperium will never falter.

==Play Style==
[[File:Glory.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Men of the Brimlock Eleventh, fighting on Voor against Orks.]]

''"You see, the [[Necron|Killbots]] have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down."'' - Zapp Brannigan, Twenty-five Star General of the Imperial Guard.

The Imperial Guard are notorious for their SIGAOD methodology: Shooty Imperial Guard Army Of Doom for the less than nerdy. The basic lasguns are downright pathetic, but can [[Dakka|still be effective if used en masse]], and we mean ''en masse''. The effect is a little like how cavemen throwing rocks could still be a threat to fully armored knights. It only takes one lucky shot and they don't stop shooting until they get lucky.

The IG has loads of vehicles. ''Loads'' of vehicles. They can take a whole squadron as a single Fast Attack or Heavy Support slot, and most are fairly cheap and most pretty good for what you pay for. There are three principle IG vehicles of note:
* First is the [[Chimera]], which is basically a troop transport with a turret. Its armor is aluminum and it is not particularly fast, but it's cheap and the passengers can still shoot while inside. At least it's more useful than the Rhino.
* The second is the iconic [[Leman Russ Battle Tank]]. It is in every way a solid, dependable, warhorse. Everything from the optional heavy sponsons, to the BFG on the turret, to the completely exposed engine in the rear. Apparently, they ran out of badass when they designed it.
* The last vehicle of note is the [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisk]]. Apparently, some tech-priest decided to take a Chimera, rip off the turret and troop compartment and replace it with the biggest piece of artillery he could find. Unfortunately, there weren't any Titan legions nearby so he settled for the Earthshaker cannon. The Earthshaker is far more powerful than even the BFG they stuck on the Leman Russ and has ten times the range. No WH40k game has been played where a target has been out of range of the Basilisk.

The three vehicles above are only a small selection of what the Guard has to offer, but they provide pretty reliable workhorses of most builds and strategies. Most other vehicles are specialized variants of the above, being largely situational units.

Let's not forget the Deathstrike Missile, which GW decided to give UNLIMITED RANGE. Players have called up GW stores the next town over and told them that I'm dropping a Deathstrike in the middle of whatever battle is closest, and they've accepted.

Also of note is 6th Edition's contribution of flyer units. The IG has the most non-apocalypse flyer units in 40k, and while some of them are absolutely useless for anything but flavor, some of them kick all kinds of ass. Triple twin-linked Lascannon, twin-linked Punisher Gatling cannons, or a flying tank-busting mega-bolter kinds of ass to be specific. Raep from above.

In summary, the Imperial Guard wins by having firepower, cannon fodder, and lots of both, transported in a massive variety of [[METAL BOXES]].

Unfortunately for the Guard, though, the Imperial Navy has a bad habit of taking ships that were designed to launch atmospheric craft in support of the Guard (such as Marauders) and instead sticks void combat attack craft inside (such as Furies). The result of this is painfully obvious if you're a Guardsman on the ground. Not to say they don't have air support, but that their air support has a presence that is completely at odds with the number of atmospheric fighters and bombers a ship can carry. The Navy literally fits whatever atmospheric fighters and bombers they can into whatever excess space remains after putting their Furies and Starhawks into hangers designed for holding countless Lightnings, Thunderbolts, Marauders, and Avengers, instead. Grimdark? No, just [[Derp|uncooperative morons]]. Enter the Hydra. The only tank designed to take out aircraft. That is BADASS. Screw the navy. Hell, some regiments have a Leman Russ for every infantry squad! Do that with Thunderbolts or Lightnings in addition to the Russ and...yeah, epic-stomp.

==Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard==
[[File:Stormtrooper vs Ork.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Who's "ded 'ard" NOW, you fat, grammatically challenged cucumber?!]]
*[[Ciaphas Cain]] - '''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM''' (Charming Commissar in the Harry Flashman/Edmund Blackadder tradition.)
*[[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]] - (Rambo + Sharpe + 40,000 king of awesome) Main protagonist of Gaunt's Ghosts, and a REAL hero of the Imperium, [[grimdark|unjustly doomed to lowly obscurity]].
*[[Commissar Yarrick]] - Old one-eye. Saviour of Armageddon, twice. Known for having an Ork Klaw on his arm, having a personal Baneblade, and a [[gay|bizarre]] relationship with the ork warlord [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]].
*[[Holt|Commissar Holt]] - Awesome cinematics are awesome, from Warhammer 40,000: Final Liberation.
*[[Commissar Dan]] - "But Commissar Dan says we're on a blaze for glory run!" "Commissar Dan is a ''maniac''! Never listen to anything he says." Also canon thanks to FFG.
*[[Commissar Fuklaw]] - Currently in service with the [[Angry Marines]].
*[[Commissar Raege]] - Currently trolling faggoty [[Space Marines]].
*[[General Sturnn]] - Manly damn old son of a bitch, from [[Dawn of War#Winter Assault|Dawn of War: Winter Assault]]. Struggles with grammar because of the grit in his teeth.
*[[Castor|Lord General Castor]] - Sporting a manly mustache and known for having a trophy room full of Tyranid heads.
*[[Ollanius Pius]] - The catalyst for the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] finally ''erasing'' [[Horus]] out of existence. (No longer canon, which is BULLSHIT! Though he DOES still exist as a Saint of the IG. No worries, /tg/ is keeping his story alive.)
*[[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] - Another manly bastard, <s>famous for "losing" a hundred [[Baneblade]]s.</s>{{BLAM}}{{BLAM|LIES AND CHAOS PROPAGANDA!!! There is nothing written about the Baneblades being lost.}}
*[[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I ate a Miral landshark for breakfast" Straken]] - Yet another manly fucker and another solid contender for biggest balls in the Imperial Guard.
*[[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Knight Commander Pask]] - Rain man in 40k. An autistic Leman Russ tank ace that has destroyed Titans and Gargants. With a Leman Russ. He somehow manages to wreck his tank in every battle, always getting a new one and renaming it "hand of steel." He's managed to claw his way out of hundreds of burning wrecks somehow.
*[[Colonel Greiss]] - Straken's former commander and proof that the manliest fuckers the Imperial Guard have aren't necessarily the biggest.
*[[Creed|Lord Castellan Usarkar E. Creed]] - Famous for outflanking enemies with Titans. Must have been the work of some sort of tactical geniu-CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!
*[[Merrick]] - Tough bastard who survived a Tyranid Invasion, a Chaos uprising, ten years of nonstop combat, and putting a gun to his superior's head. Also fucking strong, since he can carry an entire heavy weapons setup on his own.
*[[Sly Marbo]] - ...by time you have read this... you are already dead... Gone, just like Creed's ability to scout titans, because GW hates awesome things.
*[[Doom]] Marine - because, why the hell not?
* Engineseers - All of them. Want to repair your own tank, do you? HERE'S THE FUCKING MANUAL. By the way, it's [[Heresy]] to do it yourself.
* [[Lord Commander Solar Macharius]] - A Brilliant tactician who [[Gets Shit Done]] (in fluff) and the most useless command choice from the Second Edition Codex: Imperial Guard who would habitually screw up your entire battle plan since he rolled for his strategy rating on a D6 (which decided who got the first turn) and 4-6 would stop you firing your army-fucking pre-battle barrage. On a 6 you also had to put everything you had in reserve on the table. He also had no model and the fluff gave no idea what he looked like. IMPROVED IN 3RD ED WHEN HE GOT BETTER RULES AND A MODEL: Baseline stats are: WS D3+2, BS4, S3, T3, W4, I4, A D3+1, LD10
**Because he is slow in his old age, he has an initiative of 4, which is pretty bad, but he can potentially have four attacks with a mastercrafted power weapon at a WS of 5. He's still too wild of a character to use in a serious game, so save him for your fuck-around games, or Apocalypse.
**In conclusion, he has a terrible crunch but have a ridiculously awesome fluff being as the most successful Warmaster ever existed since the Great Crusade
*Colonel Schaeffer - The most crazy, malicious, heinous and downright evil imperial guard officer to ever exist. Most other officers are either incompetent when battlefield tactics are concerned or egocentric to the point of believing nothing else around them has a pulse, ultimately resulting in the average footslogger having such a brief lifespan. Colonel Schaeffer on the other hand, intends to make those under his command suffer in the most grueling, painful and surprisingly productive way possible.
*Colonel Jurten - Nuked the living shit out of his own planet, 'cuz Krieg ain't belonging to no one but the Big E. Then inhabited it solely with clones, mostly of himself.
*[[Commander Kubrik Chenkov]] "Now see here comrade, is all for great glory of great Stalin empero- Нет! Вернись , свинья ! {{BLAM}} What happens when a soviet commander gets transplanted into 40k. Known for being the most famous user of the "send in the next wave" tactic, [[Grimdark|wherein a squad of 50 conscript guardsman are sent into a charge and another is sent in immediately when they all inevitably die]]. The biggest waste of flesh the Imperial Guard will likely ever see, he's only survived by dint of never running out of soldiers, if he were to ever run out of men, he'd be executed as an incompetent.

==Main Advantages of Fielding an Imperial Guard Army==
*Shit loads of men to throw around the battlefield[[File:tautears.png|500px|right|thumb|Sweet, sweet salty tears.]]
*'''[[Basilisk Artillery Gun|BASILISKS]]'''
*'''[[Baneblade|BANEBLADES]]'''
*'''[[Manticore Rocket Launcher|MANTICORES]]'''
*'''[[Leman Russ Battle Tank|LEMAN RUSSES]]'''
*'''[[commissar|*BLAM*]]'''
*[[Creed|Titans acting as scouts]].
*Reasonable prices for vehicles.
*Tank Squadrons.
*The first and best [[Hydra Flak Tank|Flak Tank]].
*Loyal soldiers that can and will [[Ollanius Pius|hold the line to the bitter end]].
*[[Commissar Yarrick]]
*Cool looking models and plenty of variety to choose from.
*Standard issue adamantium balls.
*'''YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY FORGET THAT YOUR GUYS FIELD ''THE BEST TANKS OF THE GAME'', RIGHT?'''
*'''VANQUISHERS, FUCK YOU [[tau|BLUE SKINNED PANZIES]]'''
*Did we forget to mention that all units have standard issue balls of steel? Except for Yarrick. He has adamantium balls. And [[Sly Marbo|that guy in the cardboard box]]. <del>He has Power Balls.</del>(No one has ever been able to confirm what kind of balls he has (EXCEPT FOR YO MAMA! OOOOOH!) no one fucks with Sly is any form of the word and lives to tell the tale)

==<del>Downsides to being a Guardsman</del> Highly fanciful scenarios that most likely will not occur during your glorious service as a Guardsman==

While your local propaganda might say that being in the guard is the most honorable thing you could ever get into, and it is! Here is a small list of things that will very likely never happen to you and are entirely preventable with forethought, your trusty lasgun, and endless faith in the Emperor:

[[File:709869c659acffb373baece7b5d00582-d6lzjxz.jpg|right|thumb|300px|[[Awesome|Heroic last stands]] not included, [[Grimdark|but encouraged greatly]].]]

*You will die in the line of duty and no-one but your family and friends will remember you unless you've done something that only a Space Marine could do in combat. ''Anyone can do it!''
*You're expendable in every sense of the word. ''Freedom isn't free and you're the currency that pays for it!''
*Your Commissar might execute you to make your friends fight harder. ''You deserved it.''
*Your Commissar might execute your friends to make you fight harder. ''They deserved it.''
*Unless you're in a special forces division like the Kasrkin, you're really just a meatshield in large scale assaults. ''A glorious, spiffy looking meatshield!''
*"See how great this is? Your very own laser gun!"
*You can't even die when you want to. ''You don't want to be a quitter, do you?''
*You might be: [[Chaos Space Marines|mutilated, disemboweled]], [[Tyranids|eaten alive]], [[Necron|disassembled into your component atoms]], [[Chaos Gods|sacrificed to the Chaos Gods]], [[Imperium|left for dead]], [[Dark Eldar|tortured for fun by xenos]], [[Chaos|mutants, heretics and zealots]], stuffed with shurikens and lasers better than yours, or blasted by [[Tau|railgun]] rounds. ''But you'll earn the eternal gratitude of the Emperor!''
*You will be sent into hopeless situations and your superiors expect you to fight without retreating or showing cowardice. ''Just do it, no one likes a crybaby!''
*You may be used as mine clearance. By being marched through the minefield. ''That's right boys, you can teach those dastardly mines who's boss by blowing them up!''
* Even if after losing your entire regiment, watching your last-minute friends die horrendous deaths, and generally do the most gruesome work to win the day; the minute Space Marines come crashing down from the sky; They'll take all the credit for it, even if the marines themselves attribute the win to you. ''They deserve it.''
* Those same Space Marines might [[Marines Malevolent|bomb you and the civilians you're trying to save into mulch because you're too weak to be worth rescuing.]] ''You deserve it, weakling.''
*You will be taken from your home planet and dropped on the other side of the universe to fight in a war you didn't know existed. ''Think of the interesting people you'll meet, and then subsequently possibly kill!''
*You will NEVER see your home planet again unless you are stationed there. In which case it is likely under siege by yet another one of the Imperium's foes, and will likely remain so for the remainder of your short life. ''Think of the interesting places you'll see, and then subsequently blow up!''
*5 Million of you dying under a four hour assault by orks, is considered a flawless victory by Segmentum Command (Then again that would likely be either a very large ork warband or a WAAAGH!, so GOOD JOB!). ''Better than 5 million and one, am I right?''
*If you fight along side Grey Knights, you will be *BLAMMED*, or mindfucked and lobotomized, after the battle in the interest of secrecy. ''Grey Knights don't exist, that's silly.''
*Hell, just fighting Chaos has a slight chance of you getting disposed off after the battle because the Inquisitor investigating your regiment thinks that you may be a slight, bit, tad tainted. ''You wouldn't want to spread that taint would you?''
*Even when your army are the only ones that still uses combined arms warfare, your army still sucks, since it's routinely losing entire brigades(Complete with Armor vehicles and aircraft) to any single bog-standard Space Marine and/or xeno mook. ''But not you! Your buddies and you can definitely take 'em!''

==Memorable Quotations==

[[File:Astra Militarum Symbol.jpg|right|400px]]

- "The enemies of mankind may employ dark sciences or alien weapons beyond Humanity's ken, but such deviance comes to naught in the face of honest human intolerance backed by a sufficient number of guns."

-DRIVE ME CLOSER! I want to hit them with my sword! (originally a meme that started from a picture of a Commissar standing up in a tank hatch brandishing his sword, the phrase became so popular it is one of Commissar Lord Bernn's in campaign/skirmish/multiplayer lines when he gets in a Chimera in Dawn of War II, Retribution)

- "When in doubt, throw more men at it."

- "Look at me. Look at me! ''This'' is home now, Trooper! This is the zone! It doesn't like you, but by the Throne, it's where you are! The Emperor wants you, boy! Did no one ever tell you that? The Emperor wants you to make his glory for him! And if you're scared, I'm terrified. The [[Chaos|archenemy]] is no playmate. You're going to see things, and be expected to do things your poor mother would have a fit at. But the Emperor expects, and the Emperor ''protects'', all of us, even you. Especially you - I promise you that." - [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]

- "That which I cannot crush with words alone, I shall crush with the [[Baneblade|tanks]] of the Imperial Guard!"

- "You're a fearsome warrior! Act like it!" - [[Dawn of War II|General Castor]]

- "[[Commissar|You don't die until I say so!]]"

- "[[Commissar|Glory to the first man to die! CHARGE!!!]]"

- [[Grimdark|"Yes, you shall die when assaulting a well maintained fortress]] under a [[Creed|competent]] [[Commissar|commander]]. But at least strive to make your death useful." (Paraphrased)

- "We go beyond [[Astronomican |the emperor's light]]. To the darkest reaches in the galaxy. Good thing we brought our [[lasgun|flashlights]]!"

- "To each of us falls a task, and all the Emperor requires of us Guardsmen is that we stand the line, and we die fighting. It is what we do best: We die standing." - General Sturnn, Dawn of War: Winter Assault

- "All right men! TIME TO WAGE TO WAR!" - [[Sturnn]]

-"Remember, we have more numbers men!"-sergeant in skirmish/multiplayer line from Dawn of War II Retribution

- "Let's see them fight ALL of us!" Guardsman, Dawn of War: Soulstorm

- "Infantry wins firefights, tanks win battles, artillery wins wars." - Tactica Imperialis

- "A Guardsman's LIFE is to die. My job has always been to send them where they CAN die. I'm not afraid to spend men, but I never waste them!" - [[Dawn of War II|General Castor]]

-"Eldar suck they can't even save their mams never mind them selves" - some tank commander from the 319th Catachan tank company

- "Your foe is well equipped, well-trained, battle-hardened. He believes his gods are on his side. Let him believe what he will. We have the tanks on ours." - Colonel Joachim Pfeiff,
[[Death Korps of Krieg|Krieg]] 14th Armoured Regiment

- "Okay, okay, you caught me, (gasp), oh but look who it is! It's the God Emperor (pointing to his right)!!!" - Cornered Guardsman
"The God Emperor!?" - Sororitas
"You're all so STUPID!!!" - Fleeing Guardsman

- "We'd offer a pension if we thought you needed it..." - Unknown Recruiting Officer.

- "When in mortal danger, when beset by doubt, run in little circles, wave your hands and shout." - Parody of the Litany of Command. (More popular then you think)

- "LET ME PREACH HIS NAME!" - Priest

- "A good general does not lead an army to destruction just because he knows it will follow." - The Tactica Imperialis

- "If at first you don't succeed, bring heavier firepower!"

- "LAST ONE TO DIE'S AN ELDAR!"

- "They just keep coming!" Heretic Stevos, counting troop ships

==A Piece of Writing That Explains the Imperial Guard==
At the end of the day, though he's been ferried through [[Warp|hell]] on a ship that's ten thousand years old to some godforsaken, war-torn rock; though he deployed from high orbit with nothing but a grav chute; though he is one of ten million men and women snatched from his homeworld to fight a war he barely understands; though he has been given a weapon that fires small suns and may annihilate him as he fires because the knowledge of how it functions has been lost; though his company is supported by tractor-tanks that run on anything you can burn; though he wages war against a [[Tyranid|devouring hivemind]], ravenous [[Daemon|demons]] and [[Tau|hordes]] of [[Eldar|hyper-advanced aliens]] with strange technologies and sorceries he never dreamed existed; no one will remember his sacrifice, there will be no records of his deeds, no glorious parades in his honor, and no remembrance of his name. All he will earn is a shallow, unmarked grave on a forgotten world untold lightyears from home.

Yet for all this thankless sacrifice a Guardsman is a man, just like you. He has no [[Space Marines|millennia-old genetic engineering]], no [[Emperor|prophetic leader]], no [[Sisters of Battle|miracles of faith]]. He has his lasgun, his orders, and those beside him. He is the Imperial Guard.

[[Awesome|And he will hold the line.]]

==The Imperial Guard's Anthems==

For more Imperial anthems, consult your Uplifting Primer.
While the Ecclesiarchy and several, if not all, Chapters of Space Marines look down upon the frivolities of music (unless said music is sung in somberly in High Gothic and praises the Emperor) as distracting to any soldier in carrying out his Divine Duty, the Imperial Guard still makes heavy use of marching themes and anthems. Examples are given below:

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0bcRCCg01I - Baleeted no longer
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWBoMWZJkeI - (none of that faggy 'mercan shite)(It's pronounced 'Murican)
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxapTnODhCs - A marching song that most Training worlds use to this day.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJNz2QgSNsk - Standard cadence song sung by veteran units.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X82ZIZW4FcI - Sung at the Funeral of Fallen Death Korps soldiers.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjvKZHJeayg - Rumored to be used by Praetorian Guard Regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRIAw6LkqlE - Again, a rumored anthem.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbw1pGUhG7Q - This is sung by extremely hardcore and grim regiments, is rumored to have originated from Krieg.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS1lBID2Mtw - Popular parade piece for the Phantine Air Corps
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n_QBxBs0QQ - Sung at the funerals of the nameless heroes
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCGB81DBzOc - Rumored to be used by the Men of Tanith
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9Tye_bzl9U - Sung by many of the Imperial armored regiments
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91kdwxFsthI - National Anthem of the Valhallan Ice Warriors
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZujhoHZBsg - National Anthem of the Death Korps of Krieg
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9fSEdZIM08 - March of the Death Korps of Krieg
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIVSpY8xY9I - March of the Praetorian Lifeguard
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1Qkzj5bStU - sang by Cadian Regiments, also popular with Imperial Navy Pilots
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5W1NCmV_OM - Planetary Anthem of Cadia
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NWEmnRbkRw - Regimental march of the Kronus 1st "Liberators"
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G5rfPISIwo - Heard being sung by Praetorian Hussars returning from deployment in the Crimean sector
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo6KdeCvESw - Sung by the guardsmen of the Armageddon Steel Legion
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXH3QJrx98U - Another favorite of the Steel Legion
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUQCmDfKFac - Often sung by Veteran Guardsmen of Cadia during planetary deployment between outbreaks of combat.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWgsdexkv18 - Elysian Drop Troops are sometimes required to memorize the lyrics as part of their training.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yvy2_7d_VmI - The Elysians also love singing that while they are maintaining their FAMAS Accatran Lasgun
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26cr_rBQu74&list=UUlvMzsGbi7LACFNRPTLhJjw&index=10 - A traditional folk/drinking song of the Vostroyan Light Armor and Mounted regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLV4_xaYynY - Traditional Catachan folk song. Catachan Guardsmen are sometimes heard either humming, warbling or whistling this song while on Guard duty.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V92OBNsQgxU - This is song is inevitably played over loudspeakers whenever there are two or more Valkyries entering the battlefield.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVcD1gW-cQE - This song begun to resurface throughout Valhallan Armored Regiments after a few joint missions with Knight Commander Pask's Cadian 423rd Armoured Regiment.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAOOhfQI13s - another anthem for Cadian Shock Troops
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1uGm_dIqBI - Quite popular among Vostroyan artillery regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZpbCLdg-r8 - Heard from a regiment of Storm Troopers surfacing from an extensive period hiding behind enemy lines on an Ork-controlled world.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnaF4_LTovk - A list of Commonly sung Krieg songs.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uTnl78HLDQ- Common song by the Elysian drop troops commemorating famous battles.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eji8eWwOu3g- Sung by many Kreig units that found themselves in city warfare.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLTpKs2ylP4- A common tune by Valhallan snipers between warzones
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrJAwCBbnuc- Often sung by storm troopers during risky and/or frontal assaults on enemy forward positions or leading massive charges.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKT7qxk9-pw - A campfire song often heard from Drookian Fen Guard encampments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7J__ZdvsZaE- Commonly sung by Valhallan Armoured Regiments as they drive into battle
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC-3Nb5d9-s- A fight song of various Cadian regiments heard while on long marches or before an offensive push
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L740ESYghT0&index=40- A song of Armoured Regiments of the Armageddon Steel Legion.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JKar_hChU4- Another Krieg March song.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ift85e38H3M- Schola Progenium's unofficial anthem
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_AXybK015o- The Anthem of the Krieg Armoured Regiments
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umzRoqtWvrA- Sometimes heard while the Drookian Fen Guard are on the march.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YsMCqgZPKE- Heard when the Drookian Fen Guard are in battle.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhqWHIq-aZw- Undisputed Anthem of the Imperial Guard
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6MgTQ-56P0- Ballad of the Imperial Guardsman
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRhg2zvalXc- A favoured marching hymn of particularly devout Guardsmen Regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je6tcrVEzW8 - A traditional song used by Imperial Guard regiments of all types raised from the Nippon Sector of the Ultima Segmentum.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLBy2IZVgKI - An ancient march used by Imperial Guard regiments across the galaxy, and rumored to date back to ancient times.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6K6-JomneA - A popular theme originally used for propaganda pieces, but since adapted for victory marches.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjIVkl34Vig - A litany often sung by Kasrkins and various veterans of campaigns against the forces of Chaos, said to greatly aid in the banishment of daemons and other forces of the Arch Enemy.

There is a disturbing lack of hell march in this list. Whoever is responsible report to your local commissar and prepare for summary blamming.

Problem with that: It's Hell March. The local Commissar wants to see you.
Nothing wrong with "Hell" march, if it was "Warp" March or "Heretic" March, there'd be a problem. As it goes, does the imperial guard nor deliver the Emperor's judgement upon the Traitor, Mutant and Heretic? Their wrath(Firepower) can rightly be described as "Hell" should it be directed at you.

==Notable Imperial Guard Forces==
Because GW was too lazy to create an original themed Imperial Guard army, they basically used RL armies as a base for them, gave them a little touch of [[grimdark]], assorted amounts of tempered ceramite balls and placed them... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!

*[[Cadia|Cadian Shock Troops]]: Generic occidental army/Colonial Marine clones... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FOR [[Imperium|IMPERIUM]] AND [[Emprah|EMPEROR]]! <strike>COME ON YOU APES, YOU WANNA LIVE FOREVER?</strike> Shh! Who do you think we are? Chem-Dogs? Discipline, man! Discipline! You'll get the Commissar riled!
*[[Catachan Jungle Fighters]]: Vietnam War Americans (and Australians) ... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! GOOD MORNING CATACHAN!
*[[Tallarn Desert Raiders]]: WWI Arabs and Bedouins... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! !الإمبراطور أكبر
*[[Armageddon Steel Legion]]: Wehrmacht mechanized divisions... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FÜR DEN IMPERATOR, FEUER FREI!
*[[Valhallan Ice Warriors]]: Great Patriotic War Red Army... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ЗА РОДИНУ! ЗА ИМПЕРАТОРА! НИ ШАГУ НАЗАД!
*[[Mordian Iron Guard]]: Dress blues clad US Marines (they fight and parade at the same time)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! SEMPER FIDELIS AD IMPERATOREM!
*[[Death Korps of Krieg]]: WWI's Western Front (both sides), made extra grimdark... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!
*[[Vostroyan Firstborn]]: Cossacks... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! YOU WILL NOT MAKE SUBJECTS OF IMPERIAL SONS, FUCK YOUR MOTHER!
*[[Elysian Drop Troops]]: French and British paratroopers... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! QUI OSE GAGNE! POUR L'EMPEREUR! (Taros Campaign=Dien Bien Phu or Operation Market Garden)
*[[Harakoni Warhawks]]: American paratroopers... IIIIIINNNN SPACE! GREEN LIGHT!!! LET'S GO!
*[[Tanith First (And Only)]]: Scots and Welsh... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! TRWY CARIAD YRYMERAWDWR!
*[[Attilan Rough Riders]]: Mongols... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ([[White Scars|Yes, again]])
*[[Savlar Chem Dogs]]: Post-apocalyptic raiders (and a bit of the Vietnam War tunnel rats )... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!
*[[Drookian Fen Guard]]: Anglo-Scottish border reivers... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!
*[[Praetorian Guard]]: Victorian British Army... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! PRAETORIANS NEVER YIELD! (Ever seen Zulu? Like that)
*[[Kanak Skull Takers]]: Cavemen (with some Apache)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!
*[[Phantine Air Corps]]: Battle of Britain RAF... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!
*[[Phantine Skyborne]]: British Royal Commandos... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!
*[[Scintillan Fusiliers]]: 18th century French aristocrats... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!
*[[Maccabian Janissaries]]: Byzantine Empire... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!

With such a large and diverse collection of units in the Imperial Guard that puts even the Space Marine armies to shame, you'd think that you'd have plenty of options for fielding an army, right? Well, I've got some bad news for you: Realistically, you can only field Cadians and Catachans in large numbers, as well as the Death Korps and Elysians if you're willing to pay [[Forge World]] prices. As for everyone else? Either discontinued, or frequently out of stock, and most of them are still in pewter, so good luck trying to get custom loadouts. Yes, some units like the Attilans or Harakoni may seem too out there to have broad appeal, but you'd think at least the Steel Legion would get more support, what with their intimate involvement in [[Armageddon]], one of 7th Edition's Warzone settings (or it could be a scam to make yo pay FW prices as their models look pretty similar to death korps). Luckily, there are [[Victoria Miniatures|some people]] out there who have got you covered.

==[[/tg/_40,000#Imperial_Guard | /tg/ Homebrew Guard Forces]]==
* [[Cendra#Armed_Forces |Cendran Abolishers]] Pyromaniacs who eat the burnt flesh of their enemies.
* [[Darmine#Darmine_Marshalls | Darmine Marshalls]] Elite sharpshooters supported by huge amounts of explosive collar-fitted penal troopers.
* [[Ferdain#Ferdain_Mustangs | Ferdain Mustangs]] Cavalry regiment that use genetically tailored horses that are practically heavy armour.
* [[Sauristoni#Armed_Forces| Sauristoni Ghostchasers]] Renowned scouts and trackers who are experts on Eldar.
* [[1st Membranes]] A regiment made almost entirely of psykers from a black ship that crashed on a forge world.
* [[Arianius Divided Regiments]] Regiments are segregated along gender lines. Men are [[Choppa|slicey]] women are [[Dakka|shooty.]]
* [[Kandam | Kandamii Crabhunters]] A regiment made up of Augmented soldiers who specialize in Oceanic and Aerial warfare.
* [[Terranknights | Terran Knights]] Elite regiments recruited exclusively from Terra. As a result they have some of the best equipment in the Imperium.
* [[Hell Harlots|2478th Penal Legion, "Hell Harlots"]] All-female penal legion close combat drop troops made up entirely of the same religious prison gang.
* [[All_Guardsmen_Party| Generian 99th Medium Infantry]] The original regiment of the [[All_Guardsmen_Party | All Guardsmen Party]] spawning some of the most dangerous, heretical, yet pragmatic acolytes in the entire inquisition.
*[[Hua Yuan Exterminators|Hua Yuan Exterminators]] Tyranid hunters and Hive warfare Specialists that use unique 'Color And Mayhem' tactics to disorient and daze in the cramped not!Honk Kong they're from. By far the most fleshed out /tg/ regiment to date.

==See Also==
*[[Lasgun]]
*[[Chem-chan]]
*[[Sentinel]]
*[[Hellhound]]
*[[Basilisk]]
*[[Leman Russ Battle Tank]]
*[[Baneblade]]
*[[Commissar]]
*[[Imperium]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Imperial Guard|Tactics/Imperial Guard]]
*[[Only War]] - The official Tabletop RPG of the Guard!
*[[Kasrkin-chan]]
*[http://www.forgeworld.co.uk/The_Horus_Heresy/Solar_Auxilia] - The Imperial Guard before they became the Astra Militarum of today, The awesome looking [[Solar Auxilia|SOLAR AUXILIA]]! Thank the Emperor for [[Forge World]].
*[[Regulations of the Imperial Guard]] Things The Imperial Guard Is No Longer Aloud To Do.

==Gallery==
{{Promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Guardsman.jpg|<s>This is painfully accurate.</s> Except for missing the FUCKHEUG BALLS OF STEEL.
Image:Guardsmen.jpg|But this works too.
Image:Warhammer-orcs.jpg| Come and get some, fucking green-skinned faggots!
Image:Winterassault.jpg|Who needs Pauldrons?
Image:Greeting.jpg
image:Mira.jpg
Image:Repercussions.png|Commissar in action
Image:IG_(1).jpg|What the [[Jokaero]] should have been.
Image:balls.jpg|Imagine this, only 4 times bigger, heck even the women have 'em!
Image:IG_(2).jpg|<s>Shouldn't this instead be called 'Full Metal Flak-Jacket'?</s> FMJs are bullets,and lasrifles don't have bullets.
Image:Propaganda_by_DemonMads.jpg
Image:YoDawg.jpg
Image:IG_melta.jpg
Image:Catachan-n.jpg
Image:IG_Babes_(1).jpg
Image:IG_Babes_(2).jpg
Image:IG_Babes_(3).jpg
Image:IG_Babes_(5).jpg
Image:Kasrkin_chan_sans_helmet_by_Jaekyu.jpg
Image:Kasrkin_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg|"Thank the Emperor! Action!"
Image:IG_Babes_(4).jpg
Image:Imperial_Guardswoman_by_IronShrineMaiden.jpg|Ponytails and light weaponry are standard issue.
Image:Krieg_chan_01_by_Jaekyu.jpg
Image:Krieg_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg
Image:1227223498011.jpg
Image:Vostroy_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg|Vostroya is a cold and crappy place. Still people like it there. Guess why?
Image:IG_mot1.jpg
Image:IG_mot2.jpg
Image:IG_mot3.jpg
Image:F0r t3h Emp3r0r by Kazuv.jpg|Even pregnant chicks get conscripted.
Image:1267818498305.jpg|One should never underestimate the awesomeness of a Guardsman.
Image:Magnus Kale.png|Guardsmen - They Just Never Stop
Image:GuardsmanHelmet.jpg|This man shows doubt. He will soon be executed.
Image:1230085088983.png|[[wat]]
Image:Basilisk.png|[[Basilisk]]s are [[AWESOME]]
Image:Grimdark checkers.jpg|In the grimdarkness of the 41st millennium, there are still old men playing checkers.
Image:The Courage of Man.png|AVE IMPERATOR MOTHERFUCKERS!
</gallery>
</center>

{{Template:Imperial-Guard}}
{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}
{{Imperium}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

Space Marines

2016-10-29T15:22:22Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

[[File:Silver Skull.jpg|300px|right|thumb|WE ARE THE EMPRAH'S FUREH!]]
''For the vidya gaem, please see: [[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine]]''

''"They shall be my finest warriors, these men who give of themselves to me. Like clay I shall [[Finecast|mould]] them, and in the furnace of war forge them. They will be of iron will and steely muscle. In great [[Pauldrons|armour]] shall I clad them and with the [[Bolter|mightiest guns]] will they be armed. They will be untouched by [[Nurgle|plague]] or disease, no sickness will blight them. They will have [[Deep Strike|tactics]], [[Steel Rain|strategies]] and [[Dreadnought|mac]][[Centurion Squad|hin]][[METAL BOXES|es]] so that no foe can best them in battle. They are my bulwark against [[Chaos|the Terror]]. They are the Defenders of Humanity. They are my [[Robert Heinlein|Space Marines]] and they shall know no fear."'' -The [[God-Emperor of Mankind]]

The '''Space Marines''', also known as '''[[Indrick Boreale|SPESS MEHREENS]]''' (canonically named the Adeptus Astartes; Astarte is the Greek name for the Mesopotamian goddess of war, Ishtar. Ironic given that the Astartes is an all-male organization) are an army in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe. They are bio-enhanced super soldiers clad in [[Power Armour]], and are generally regarded as the toughest warriors to ever serve the [[Emprah|Emperor]] (except for the Adeptus Custodes and Imperial Assassins). The average Space Marine is around eight feet tall. They used to be seven feet in the old fluff, but [[Dan Abnett]] and the rest of Games Workshop have a hard-on for gigantism (though they have addressed the problems real-life gigantism can cause by throwing in more bio-engineering) so they jacked them up a foot, though RPGs from Fantasy Flight Games and games by THQ scaled them back to the more reasonable seven feet. Although do note that the height of Marines can vary greatly; some can even reach ''ten'' feet, like [[Asterion Moloc]].

Internally, they have bones that can repel anything short of a boltgun round and can breathe underwater even without their helmets on because they have a third lung. They can also breathe all but the most potent of toxic fumes with little to no damage to their respiratory system, have two hearts, and live for hundreds of years (they may be functionally immortal, but they usually die in battle after a few centuries, so nobody can be sure). They are vastly more powerful in their [[fluff|official descriptions]] than they actually are in the ''Warhammer 40,000'' tabletop game (although the Marines statted in [[Dark Heresy]] or [[Rogue Trader]] are walking rapemachines, and the [[player character]] Marines in [[Deathwatch]] are hard as nails). Much like the [[Chaos Space Marines]] are the 40k successors of the [[Warriors of Chaos]], Space Marines are the 40k successors of Warrior Priests, right down to their BALD. Portrayals range from hardcore but plausible super-soldiers to shameless [[Mary Sue]]s who could fight off Batman with one hand and the Joker with the other. Although occasionally, they serve to make other galactic forces seem superior. ''More like the Ineptes Astartes.''

They account for approximately 35% of the playable armies (counting chaos space marines) in 40k, over 21.4% (yeah, I thought that was a pretty conservative estimate too) of played armies among the 40k fandom (factoring in that people can collect and play more than one 40k army), and as of October 2010, receive about 50% or more of new releases. While there are many, ''many'' chapters that you can choose from, the actual armies basically boil down to six main choices: [[Dark Angels]], [[Blood Angels]], [[Space Wolves]], [[Grey Knights]], [[Legion of the Damned]] (barely), [[Deathwatch]], and everybody else. Everyone who's a successor of the first two choices follows their codex and generally share their units, while the "everybody else" just follows the generic Space Marine codex. Don't let the promotional art fool you, though; the Space Marine army isn't exclusively [[smurfs]]. It used to be that you also had individual codices the [[Black Templars]], but they got folded into the generic Space Marine army. At least they still get special chapter-specific units, which is more than can be said for the likes of the [[Salamanders]] or other important yet still-neglected chapters.

Contrary to that, fluff-wise Space Marines are amongst the smallest factions in the game, second only to the Sisters of Battle. With all Chaos and Loyalist Marines combined they number below two millions in a galaxy where Imperium alone have tens of millions of honest to good inhabited worlds (not some dipshit colonies with a population of only few millions). In fact any single capital-class space ship have a population higher than the entirety of Marines in the Galaxy. Furthermore, marine armies are extremely fractured, very rarely deployed at above a few companies per war zone. GW never cared to explain how forces so small could have such a huge impact on the battlefields, when Orks, Guard and Tyranids could field their troops in millions, and Chaos can convert entire populations of planets (which is often tens of billions). Regardless, everything that is something in the setting has a tendency to at least have a bit Space Marines in it, if they aren't flat-out the protagonists. Expect enormous campaigns to revolve around a few companies, regardless of the involved numbers of Guardsmen and enemy xenos and chaotic characters, and the Marines to be the key to victory in any given war.

Of the many kinds of 40k fans, the Space Marine fanboy might be the most obnoxious ''and'' common one. They closely resemble fans of a politically radical movements; having little to no ability to see their own faction's obvious and glaring faults, while demonstratively arguing that all other factions are below them. The Space Marine fan fervently believes that any Marine-centered Bolter Porn presents the truth about the setting, which will lead to many a SM Fan proclaiming that they know ''exactly'' how all other factions are weaker in relation to Marines, regardless of what the actual fans of those factions and accepted lore actually says. Space Marine fans are often fans who have been reading the books or playing Dawn of War before getting into the wider setting, and as such get their views in a bit of a twist. Fortunately, many Space Marine fans end up migrating to another faction, becoming bored with the Marines and getting into a faction [[Orks|with some]] [[Imperial Guard|meat in]] [[Dark Eldar|it]], or, in search of further elitist kicks, get's [[Eldar|into something]] [[Tau|even worse]].

[[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] [[Meme|has a hard-on for Space Marines]]. [[Slaanesh|Between the writers favoritism and the "Spots the Space Marine" fiasco, it's gotten to the point where they should seek professional help]]."

The name Adeptus Astartes is usually portrayed as meaning Star Adepts. However [[Just As Planned|Astarte is actually Greek]] for [[Not As Planned|Ishtar, the Mesopotamian goddess of fertility, love, war, sex and sexuality.]] The Emprah [[HERESY|may have been horny and/or romantically interested]] [[Rule 63|in the idea of a badass God-Empress]] and [[What|named his sons to symbolically show this]] using a language that he and [[Ollanius Pius]] [[Derp|are the speakers of]] besides dead people and three of [[Khorne|the]] [[Nurgle|Ruinous]] [[Tzeentch|Powers]], or this is just the Emperor keeping himself sane by engaging in humor he knows only one loyal person will get, which does not include his last [[Malcador the Sigillite|two]] [[Companion|friends]]. [[Grimdark|No wonder the Emprah doesn't smile much.]]

==History==
[[File:Prayer before battle.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Marine with half his face missing, skulls in the wall, bolter laying ready and servitors with hoods swinging censers. Ladies and gents, [[Warhammer 40k]].]]
After the end of the [[Age of Strife]], the Emperor of Mankind wanted to reunite [[humanity]] in a [[Great Crusade]] across the galaxy, and he realized that in order to do this he would need one epic-ass army and equally epic generals to lead it. He created the [[Primarchs]], his sons, to be his generals, and let me tell you, these guys were some of the most insanely powerful badasses in all the lore of 40k, and that is saying something. (There is a story in which [[Sanguinius|one of them]] snaps a fucking [[Bloodthirster]]'s spine over his knee.) From their DNA, he created the [[First Founding|Legiones Astartes, the first Space Marines]]. Their first task was to locate their Primarchs, because the [[Chaos Gods|Gods]] of [[Chaos]] had scattered them across the galaxy in an attempt to foil the Emperor's efforts at human reunification. All of the Primarchs were eventually recovered and reunited with their respective legions, but then, at the height of the Space Marines' power, disaster struck. [[Horus]], the Emperor's most trusted Primarch, fell to Chaos and turned traitor along with his legion, the [[Luna Wolves]], and several others followed suit. After much [[Grimdark|sorrow, pain, and civil warring]], the Emperor killed Horus personally, but was mortally wounded in the process, which is why he is now a zombie being kept alive by the technologies of the Golden Throne. The traitor legions, who are now known as the [[Chaos Space Marines]], were defeated and pushed back to the [[Eye of Terror]]. All of the Primarchs that did not fall to Chaos during the Horus Heresy have either disappeared or been killed, and none remain to lead the Space Marine legions (though [[Roboute Guilliman]], primarch of the [[smurfs]], is [[Matthew Ward|according to some people]] healing in stasis). In addition, after the Heresy, the legions were mostly [[Second Founding|split into smaller "Chapters"]] of up to a thousand Marines according to the teachings of the [[Codex Astartes]] (although some Chapters, such as the [[Space Wolves]] and the [[Black Templars]], do not follow Astartes orthodoxy and maintain forces in much greater numbers, and [[Dark Angels|some chapters]] go so far as to form almost legion-strength forces.)

The Space Marines are most commonly looked upon as warrior-monks, generally referring to each other as "Brother", "Battle Brother" or some variation thereof based on rank, spending most or all of their time training, in battle, or venerating the Emperor. However, no two Chapters are exactly alike, and many differ wildly from the standard perception of the Marines. The Space Wolves, as one example, appear to be much less disciplined than most other Chapters, maintaining a much larger force than permitted by the Codex and frequently having great feasts with much merriment and drinking (the Space Wolves happen to produce the only intoxicating beverage known to have any effect on Marine physiology, and which liquefies the innards of non-Astartes). Their attitude toward others in the Imperium can also differ greatly from Chapter to Chapter or even from marine to marine. Some are very idealistic, believing very strongly in their role as protectors of humanity (such as the [[Celestial Lions]] or the [[Salamanders]]). Others, like the [[Black Templars]], tend to disregard the ordinary elements of the Imperium, and emphasize much more their role as a weapon against its enemies.

Their attitude towards the Emperor can also vary. Although they are typically believed to worship him as a deity like most of the rest of the Imperium, the Space Marines are, by virtue of their gene-seeds, derived from the Primarchs and hence the Emperor himself, making them much closer to him than most humans. In fact, many of the Space Marine chapters' beliefs maintain some of the old [[Imperial Truth]] that the Emperor was not a god, but simply the greatest of mortal men, worthy of praise and veneration but not a deity proper. Although it is true that the majority of the chapters certainly venerate him in an orthodox manner, others just scream his name a lot because that's tradition.
[[Image:Blingmarine.jpg|thumb|right|The great Papa Smurf hisself.]]
Space Marines are generally regarded as having something of an "unfair advantage" in the tabletop, mainly because every young 40k player has a strong liking for them, and almost every unit in the listings has at least a 3+ armor save, making them rather hard to kill, especially when considering armies such as the Blood Angels have models that allow players to roll an additional "Feel No Pain" 4+ save if they fail the 3+ one. The problem is that it took 3 Space Marine chapter books in 5th edition to come up with a Space Marine Codex framework that didn't suck (almost nothing in C:SW is non-competitive or poorly priced), which is why Long Fangs are usually 50 points cheaper than their Space Marine counterparts, while being twice as effective. Why are Devastators supposedly more expensive? Combat tactics. Yeah, you're never going to use it. The Ultramarines in particular are an extremely popular choice of Space Marine chapter, and their blue design coupled with the small size of the miniatures often leads to them being referred to as "Smurfs". Thanks to [[Indrick Boreale]], the Space Marines in general are frequently called "Spess Mehreens", or variations to that effect. The Space Marines of today look very different from the glory days of Rogue Trader, when they earned the nickname "[[beakie|beakies]]" because of their signature helmets.

Denizens of /tg/ are prone to claiming a wide variety of things about the Space Marines, usually about their sexual activity (or lack thereof), ranging from assertions that the genitalia of a Space Marine is nonfunctional to claims that they are castrated during the creation process. They never have any supporting evidence for these theories and it is not clear whether or not Space Marines are allowed to have sex, which chapters would allow them to have sex, if they even can have sex, if they're still capable of normal human reproduction, or what bits they may or may not still possess. Still, that doesn't stop anyone from stating their personal opinion as if it were fact.

==Creation==
[[File:1396451926378.jpg|400px|thumb|right|From deranged lab-experiment to fucking [[awesome]].]]
Knowing [[Chaos|just]] [[C'tan|what]] [[Necron|the]] [[Dark Eldar|fuck]] [[Ork|was]] [[Eldar|waiting]] for humanity in space, the Emperor of Mankind designed the [[gene-seed]], [[Gene-seed#The_Organs|nineteen special organs]] to enhance the regular human body to keep the Space Marines going when fighting these monstrosities. Over a series of several years, human adolescents, dubbed aspirants, are selected through a rigorous process which varies from Chapter to Chapter. They are always male, with cited reasons including that Astartes are basically clones of their Primarchs, and by extension the Emperor, and that the geneseed requires portions of the Y-chromosome to function.

When their training goes to the next stage, the aspirants are implanted with the initial gene-seed. They then become neophytes, Space Marines in training. As the gene-seed is implanted into them, the neophytes also go through hypnotic conditioning to hone their responses. By the time they're done, the subject has few impulses beyond fighting and killing in the name of the Emperor (it's sometimes thought that this is what kills their sex drive) and most of their memories of their earlier lives are all but forgotten. The only mental frailties remaining are a "fear" (ATSKNF notwithstanding) of failure and experiencing notable stress when severely injured or crippled, as they are no longer able to fulfill their function.

After receiving all these organs and conditioning, it's highly arguable if a Space Marine still qualifies as human. Though the [[Imperium of Man]] has basic "kill on sight" orders for most non-humans and venerates the "Holy Human Form", the topic of whether or not Space Marines violate this edict is ignored, mostly because they were designed by the Emperor and thus considered holy creations. There is also an understandable hesitance to declare war on the only thing standing between the Imperium and the unfathomable evil of the [[Chaos Gods]]. Arguably marines are no less human than Mechanicum, just with organic implants instead of bionics, and mechanicums are likewise still count as 100% right and proper humans (even if most of them consider themselves a separate species or at least "humans 2.0" ).

In fact, this religious need to adhere to the Holy Human Form may be why the Emperor designed the gene-seed to be a bio-enhancement project and not a genetic modification one; all of a Space Marine's inhuman abilities are a result of the artificially engineered organs shoved into their bodies during their creation, either directly (the secondary heart or multi-lung) or indirectly (the Ossmodula, which alters their hormone balance and so makes their skeleton growth go berserk). Consequently, this means a Space Marine would technically pass a genetic scan of being "human" better than an [[abhuman]] like an [[Ogryn]] or [[Ratling]] would. Though, the holiness of the Human Form came long after the Horus Heresy, so this theory is unlikely. Besides, the Emperor did attempt genetic modification but it proved either too expensive (Thunder Warriors) or resulted in unrecorded disasters. Gene-enhancements are also much more conductive to mass-production.

Yes, this tramples all over the spirit of the law whilst technically adhering to the letter, but it's hardly unique -- see the Ecclesiarchy having its own army of [[Sisters of Battle|power-armored gun-toting nuns]] despite being formally forbidden to have "men" under arms.

Another theory is that the Space Marines were designed this way for more symbolic reasons. Done this way Marines retain a link to humanity; all were born human, no more than any other citizen. They became more through science and training but they aren't some new species or a warrior caste. As marines they are beyond humans but they know where they came from. The regular citizens see the marines as the best of humanity, proxies for the emperors power. The marines remember humans are their kin and while they are more than human they are still the same species all coming from the same root. The power vested in them doesn't pass by blood, it passes by merit and a normal citizen can still aspire to becoming an Astartes even if that's a long shot. The Emperor's whole deal was based around humanity, so he built something that could be a symbol to all humanity. He could have bred a new war species but he altered us because his dream of the Imperium was the dream of humanity. Symbolic difference, sure, but it matters. There's a reason space marines are venerated not feared.

Incidentally, bio-enhancements like the gene-seed are actually more controllable than a genetic enhancing procedure would be, since the resultant outcome is more predictable, more easily mass-produced, and it means that even if a Space Marine could have kids, they would in all likelihood not be different from ordinary humans, since their abilities aren't tied to them on a genetic level, though they would be far more likely to become space marines since some amount of genetic compatibility is required.

==The Lifespan Debate==
[[File:Sons of Corax by MajesticChicken.jpg|450px|thumb|left|When the going gets tough, the tough get going.]]
The lifespan for Astartes is something of a tricky subject. While it’s made clear that Space Marines live many centuries longer than normal humans, exactly how long they’re ''supposed'' to live has never really been elaborated on. It doesn’t help that there has never been a Space Marine shown or described to have ever died of anything resembling old age, and that different chapter bloodlines (and writers) each appear to handle aging differently. So there really isn’t any kind of baseline to work with here. Perhaps most central to the issue is the question of whether or not Astartes are biologically immortal.

On the “for” side, both Dan Abnett and Graham McNeill claim that Astartes are indeed immortal, and that although they might physically age (grey hair, wrinkles, etc.) it is only skin deep and they are in just as good physical condition as when they first joined the Astartes, only dying when they are killed. Nick Kyme also appears to be a believer in the immortal point of view (though more in a sitting-stone-gathers-moss-and-lasts-forever kind of way), as in his Salamanders series, an [[wat|Astartes survivor from the Horus-friggin-Heresy was found in a crashed and buried Salamanders starship]]. His armor had melded into the metal of the ship and he could no longer move, but he was alive. He had apparently been sitting there watching over the empty, ancient suits of armor from his fallen brothers for ten thousand years. He was also borderline crazy from all the memories filling his head (thanks eidetic memory, but then if he had human memory he'd have Alzheimers or something) and his vocal cords and throat were dessicated, so old age does have an effect.

On the “against” side, the Blood Angels are specifically noted for having exceptionally long, but limited lifespans, namely a 1000 years give or take, and Marines from other chapters don’t live nearly as long. This has been reaffirmed in the current Blood Angels Codex, and it should be noted that it was written by GW's biggest Space Marine fanboy. Yes, even Ward says Space Marines can die of old age.

So yeah, Black Library has a tendency to be inconsistent with the established lore. Big surprise. But in this case the reason is twofold: firstly, some gamers would think less of the Space Marines if they could die of old age, and Games Workshop doesn't want that. Secondly, Games Workshop seems to agree that they would be awesome if they didn't die of old age, but they don't want to anger the part of the fanbase that would disapprove of Space Marines being biologically immortal, so they're deliberately vague about it. Besides, if Marines were already immortal, it would give the [[Chaos Space Marines]] less impetus to become [[daemon prince]]s.

Biologically immortal or not, at the end of the day the only true measurement of an Astartes’ lifespan is how killy they are. If Space Marines can die of old age, they’re almost certainly going to die in battle before age ever starts to take its toll, and if it does, then they just die in battle as soon as old age starts to slow them down, so that doesn't really count. As a general estimate, though, 400-500 years seems to be a good average life expectancy for most Space Marines. Past that point, a Space Marine is usually considered among their chapter’s most venerable elders, and only the real badasses ever get this old.

==GW Space Marine Chapters==
[[File:40k RPG.jpg|300px|right|thumb|We honestly can't tell whether this is a dude or a chick, so you'll just have to make a guess and face the consequences.]]
*[[Aurora Chapter]] - Institutionally lazily named.
*[[Astral Claws]] - Institutionally secessionist.
*[[Astral Knights]] - Institutionally [[The World Engine|crazy awesome, but totally dead]].
*[[Alpha Legion]] - Institutionally closet loyalists
*[[Black Dragons]] - Institutionally taking their cue from Wolverine.
*[[Black Templars]] - Institutionally crusaders.
*[[Blood Angels]] - Institutionally [[Black Rage|unstable]].
*[[Blood Ravens]] - Institutionally relic hunters.
*[[Celebrants]] - Institutionally gradient.
*[[Celestial Lions]] - Institutionally suffering losses from [[Ork Snipers]].
*[[Crimson Fists]] - Institutionally Mexican.
*[[Dark Angels]] - - Institutionally <s>mysterious</s> Loyal.
*[[Dark Hands]] - - Institutionally... wait have these guys done anything other then face the Rhuds and a couple of orks?
*[[Dark Hunters]] - Institutionally grim of grim marines.
*[[Death Spectres]] - Institutionally albino.
*[[Deathwatch]] - Institutionally, intentionally and professionally xenocidal. Employed by the [[Inquisition]], recruited from other Chapters.
*[[Doom Eagles]] - Institutionally doomed.
*[[Excoriators]] - Institutionally ugly.
*[[Executioners]] - Institutionally [[lawful stupid|honorable]].
*[[Exorcists]] - Institutionally [[Heresy|possessed and exorcised]].
*[[Flesh Tearers]] - Institutionally RIP AND TEAR.
*[[Flame Falcons]] - Institutionally ON FIRE. ALL OF THEM.
*[[Fire Lords]] - Institutionally [[Flamer|burny]], possibly more so than the Salamanders (see below).
*[[Genesis Chapter]] - Institutionally [[Ultramarines]].
*[[Grey Knights]] - Institutionally killing [[Daemon|Daemons]].
*[[Guardians of the Covenant]] - Institutionally record-keeping catholic space monks.
*[[Hammers of Dorn]] - Institutionally trolling the Ultramarines.
*[[Howling Griffons]] - Institutionally Black Templars wannabes.
*[[Imperial Fists]] - Institutionally waiting tactically.
*[[Invaders]] - Institutionally trading blows with Eldar.
*[[Iron Hands]] - Institutionally [[Awesome|Scottish]].
*[[Iron Snakes]] - Institutionally [[Awesome|Texas Rangers]].
*[[Lamenters]] - Institutionally unlucky.
*[[Legion of the Damned]] - Institutionally undead.
*[[Marines Malevolent]] - Institutionally MASSIVE assholes.
*[[Mantis Warriors]] - Institutionally misdirecting.
*[[Mentors]] - Institutionally academic. Has not been heard from [[Rogue Trader (Sourcebook)|for a long time]].
*[[Minotaurs]] - Institutionally mysteriously paranoid teamkilling assholes. They are suspected to be in league with the [[High Lords of Terra]] as an attempt to police the Adeptus Astartes. Cause that'll work.
*[[Mortifactors]] - Institutionally goth.
*[[Raptors]] - Institutionally [[Reasonable_Marines|reasonable]] and [[shooty]].
*[[Raven Guard]] - Institutionally [[Troll|tricksy]] and speedy.
*[[Rainbow Warriors]] - Institutionally not appearing in this game.
*[[Red Scorpions]] - Institutionally pure.
*[[Red Talons]] - Institutionally bloodthirsty.
*[[Relictors]] - Institutionally radical.
*[[Salamanders]] - Institutionally [[Flamer|burny]]. Also, surprisingly nice for all their... fiery nature.
*[[Sable Swords]] - Institutionally heirs to the [[Astral Knights]].
*[[Scythes of the Emperor]] - Institutionally NOT DEAD YET.
*[[Silver Skulls]] - Institutionally [[Shaman|shamanistic]].
*[[Sons of Medusa]] - Institutionally lime green.
*[[Soul Drinkers]] - Institutionally rebellious.
*[[Space Sharks]] - Institutionally [[Shark|SHARKY]], BITCH!
*[[Space Wolves]] - Institutionally spess vikings with a wolf fetish
*[[Star Phantoms]] - Institutionally SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!.
*[[Storm Wardens]] - Institutionally Celtic.
*[[Ultramarines]] - Institutionally [[Codex_Astartes|orthodox]].
*[[White Scars]] - Institutionally Mongolian.

==Space Marine Chapter Masters==
[[File:Angels of the Rock.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Tiny head syndrome is a common side effect of the augmentations]]
*[[Marneus Calgar]] (A.K.A Papa Smurf) - Chapter Master of the Ultramarsmur.....I mean [[Ultramarines]]. Received the rank by having the most plot armor.
*[[Dante]] - Chapter Master of the [[Blood Angels]]. '''Beware!!!!'''. Dante is watching you! Received the rank for being so old and always wearing a mask so no one knows what his face looks like anymore.
*[[Logan Grimnar]] - Great Wolf of the [[Space Wolves]]. Is the wolfiest of all the wolf lords without being a furry.
*[[Azrael]] - Supreme Grand Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. Best at VANQUISHING FOUL TRAITORS FROM OTHER LEGIONS.
*[[Vorn Hagen]] - Chapter Master of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Appointed as Chapter Master out of pity after the [[Darnath Lysander|TRUE HERO]] turned down the job.
*[[Jubal Khan]] - Chapter Master of the [[White Scars]]. Proved his speediness by outracing a bike mounted captain wearing only rollerskates.
*[[Tu'Shan]] - Master of the Fire Drakes, [[derp|de-Facto]] Chapter Master of the [[Salamanders]]. Forged the burniest flamer.
*[[Kardan Stronos]] - Chapter Master of the [[Iron Hands]](sort of). Was actually democratically elected for diplomatic reasons, temporarily. It's complicated.
*Corvin Severax - Former Chapter Master of the [[Raven Guard]], nicknamed "Master of Shadows". Got the job by being the sneakiest of the sneaky marines(they were looking for him to officially grant him the rank until the last day). Unfortunately some [[Shadowsun|blue-skinned bitch]] had him killed in the Damocles Gulf (ironically by being even sneakier and trickier then him). [[Kayvaan Shrike]] was decided unanimously to be his successor, adding to his [[awesome]].
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] - Supreme Grand Master and of the [[Grey Knights]] and one of [[Matt Ward]]'s [[Mary Sue|Special Snowflakes]]. Honored for being the single biggest mary sue in the whole damn setting.
*[[Helbrecht]] - High Marshall of the [[Black Templars]]. Was voted High Marshall for being the angriest of the not angry marines.
*[[Pedro Kantor]] - Chapter Master of the [[Crimson Fists]]. Got the most votes (read: all three) during the election.
*[[Gabriel Seth]] - Chapter Master of the [[Flesh Tearers]]. Ripped and tore the most during the chapter master audition(also kicked one of the judges in the balls).
*[[Azariah Kyras]] - Former Chapter Master of the [[Blood Ravens]] who was killed for being a filthy, despicable, traitorous, no good follower of Chaos. Later replaced by [[Gabriel Angelos]].
*Sarpedon - Chapter Master of the [[Soul Drinkers]].
*Carab Culln - Lord High Commander of the [[Red Scorpions]]. Got promoted after the last one was killed.
*Artekus Bardane - Chapter Master of the [[Relictors]]. Collects and uses chaos artifacts better then anyone in the chapter.
*[[Asterion Moloc]] - Chapter Master of the [[Minotaurs]]. No clue how he got the job, our inquiries were met with death threats and top level cease and desist orders. Has a laser-shooting pimp cane.
*[[Lugft Huron]] - Chapter Master of the [[Astral Claws]]. Got the rank by being absolutely awesome, unfortunately he overdid it and caused the [[Badab War]].
*Lias Issodon - Chapter Master of the [[Raptors_(Chapter)|Raptors]]. The most reasonable of the not-reasonable marines.
*[[Tyberos the Red Wake]] - Chapter Master of the [[Space Sharks]]. Showed the best technique when it came to applying '''RIP AND TEAR''' to heretic asses, assisted by his [[awesome|lightning chainfists]].
*Omadon Tiresias - Chapter Master of the [[Star Phantoms]]. Blinded by warp storms during the evacuation of the Star Phantom home world, he forsook his own sight to save the relics of his chapter.

== Rivalries ==
[[File:Moloc.JPG|300px|right|thumb|Everyone hates the Minotaurs]]
While normally above mortal shortcomings, the greatest flaw of the Space Marines is their hubris. They are immensely proud warriors who do not take kindly to having their honor slighed. Some take mental note of this for a later date while others [[rip and tear|take the more direct approach]]. This has created some notable rivalries between the various Chapters, some of which date back to the Great Crusade.

*'''Space Wolves and Dark Angels''' - The Space Wolves and Dark Angels have a rather tumultuous and sometimes violent rivalry, but in a way their legions truly reflect the relationship between brothers. The rivalry itself stems from a confrontation between their primarchs that stemmed from the different cultures the primarchs had come up in. During a joint operation between the Wolves and the Dark Angels, the planet's ruler had insulted Russ personally, so Russ resolved to slay him personally. The Lion tried to cut Russ in on his deep strike plan, but Russ would have none of it: He didn't want to defeat the enemy, he wanted to utterly crush them. Frustrated with his brother's lack of cooperation, the Lion launched his strike without the wolves help, and Russ fought his way into the planetary ruler's palace just in time to watch the Lion behead him. Furious, Russ threw down his weapons and punched the Lion, starting a lengthy fist fight that only ended when Russ started laughing upon realizing how pointless the fight was and how stupid he'd been. Thinking that Russ was laughing at him, the Lion punched Russ unconscious. When Russ awoke he sought out the Lion to make amends, but he had already departed with his fleet. Though the two would work together again, the Lion was rather unforgiving (oh the irony) towards Russ. To Russ the Lion seemed the antagonist. After all, in the halls of Fenris a brawl between angry brothers was hardly unusual. When the fight ended you'd toast each other and drink away the bruises and move on. To the Lion Russ seemed at fault. After all, in the knightly orders of Caliban striking one's brothers was not done: petty infighting could not be tolerated when monsters slavered at the gate. As is so often the case between brothers, both were at fault and neither would back down. To this day the Space Wolves and Dark Angels (and their successor chapters) will fight (usually) non-lethal honor duels to "settle the score," though "the score" has never really been agreed on. Occasionally tensions between the two chapters will boil over into open warfare which is often caused by <strike>Fallen Angels</strike> TRAITORS UNASSOCIATED WITH THE DARK ANGELS hiding amidst the Space Wolves' protectorate worlds, using the tensions to their advantage. Finally it's worth noting that even though the two (former) legions often fight, they never show that rivalry to the wider imperium, and they'll set aside their rivalry whenever they need to [[get shit done]] together.

*'''Ultramarines and the Word Bearers''' - The Ultramarines are pissed off at the Word Bearers for a great many things: 1) They turned traitor 2) They used millions of cultists as meat shields during the battle of Calth, which the Ultramarines saw as dishonorable and disgusting 3) They almost destroyed Calth

*'''Ultramarines and the Alpha Legion''' - The Alpha Legion led the Ultramarines halfway across the galaxy on a fool's errand that ultimately ensured they were nowhere near the Imperial Palace during the Horus Heresy. Adding insult to injury, they inflicted enormous casualties on the Ultramarines, and though they succeeded in killing Alpharius (or did they?), the Alpha Legion's command structure was so decentralized that it did little to affect them.

*'''Ultramarines and the Black Templars (also the Imperial Fists, the Crimson Fists, the Space Wolves, and the Salamanders)''' - When Roboute Guilliman tried to force the Codex Astartes on the Space Marine legions after the Horus Heresy, some legions - most notably the Imperial Fists - outright refused, not wanting their legions to be broken down into smaller chapters. Rogal Dorn called Guilliman a coward, while Guilliman called Dorn a rebel. The Space Wolves and the Salamanders ended up backing Dorn, while the Raven Guard and the White Scars supported Guilliman. The rivalry became so intense that the Imperial Navy even fired on the Imperial Fist strike cruiser ''Terrible Angel'', and it seemed that the Space Marines would war against one another once again. Finally, Rogal Dorn yielded to prevent another war and broke his legion into the Black Templars and the Crimson Fists. As the Ultramarines still were wary of the loyalties of the Imperial Fists and their successors, Sigismund - the first Emperor's Champion and the man that Dorn had appointed to be the Black Templars Chapter Master - declared a 10,000 year crusade in the Emperor's name to prove their loyalty. Even though tensions have since cooled between the Ultramarines and the other chapters, the Ultramarines are still suspicious about (read: sticking their nose into the business of) the Black Templars as they still refuse to conform to the Codex Astartes, and won't tell the Ultramarines just how huge their chapter is. In short, Sigismund and Leman Russ told Guilliman where he can shove his Codex Astartes, and he's all anal pained about it.

*'''Ultramarines and the Iron Warriors''' - [[Uriel Ventris]] and Pasanius Lysane, of the Ultramarines, were sworn to a Death Oath by their Chapter Master Marneus Calgar as punishment for violating the Codex Astartes (specifically, because they had abandoned the rest of their company to assist a Deathwatch Kill-team during the Battle of Tarsus Ultra). Their mission: find and destroy the [[Daemonculaba]]. The quest took the Ultramarines pair to the nightmarish [[Daemon World]] of [[Medrengard]], within the [[Eye of Terror]] itself. Medrengard was the homeworld of the Iron Warriors Traitor Legion. It was also the location of [[Honsou]], the evil Iron Warriors Warsmith who oversaw the Daemonculaba project from within his fortress, Khalan-Ghol. The Ultramarines were successful in destroying the Daemonculaba, and were also able to bring ruination to Khalan-Ghol and Honsou's forces. Uriel Ventris also managed to shoot Honsou in the head. Unfortunately, the Warsmith survived the headshot. Upon realizing the extent of the damage Uriel had caused, Honsou swore revenge and also the utter annihilation of [[Ultramar]]. Honsou was aware that before he ever dealt with Uriel Ventris, the Ultramarines spent years and countless resources and lives to repel a [[Tyranid]] incursion at Tarsis Ultra. Honsou thus unleashed a plan which destroyed every living thing on Tarsis Ultra, and reduced the planet itself to a lifeless rock. Destroying the planet provided no strategic gain to the Iron Warriors; Honsou carried out his horrific genocide simply to spite Uriel Ventris and the Ultramarines. Following this, the Iron Warriors use an army won from the [[Red Corsairs]] to free the [[Daemon Prince]] [[M'kar]], and invade [[Ultramar]]. Though the "Bloodborn" army is beaten back, the Ultramarines lost over one third of their battle-brothers in the attempt, leaving them open to attack for the first time since the First Tyrannic War and unable to properly participate in the Imperial counter-offensive for the [[13th Black Crusade]]. The Ultramarines and the Iron Warriors have thus become bitter enemies-- with Uriel Ventris and Honsou in particular becoming sworn foes.

*'''Ultramarines and the Hammers of Dorn''' - The Hammers adhere rigidly to the Codex Astartes, to the point where they point out any deviations from the codex by the Ultramarines. According to the Hammers of Dorn, Guilliman may have had the genius to pen the codex, but the sons of Dorn are the only ones that can bring out its full potential.

*'''Ultramarines and the Minotaurs''' - While the Minotaurs are hated by everyone the Ultramarines have a special grudge against them, due to the Euxine Incident during the Macharian Heresy. During the heresy the loyalist Doom Warriors and Inceptors chapters were busy [[skub|fighting each other over a matter of honor]], and refused to stop and aid Imperial forces. The Minotaurs were sent to quell the dispute, which they did in their [[rip and tear|usual manner]]. They attacked both sides in force, nearly destroying them both. The Doom Warriors were badly beaten and forced into a barely-organized retreat almost immediately. The Interceptors weren't so lucky. With no way to withdraw they suffered the full onslaught of the Minotaurs and finally surrendered with less then 100 marines left. The honored 2nd founding chapter was subsequently [[Blood Ravens|robbed of most of their chapter relics, the Minotaurs stealing them right off their dead bodies]], including their flagship, a relic of the Great Crusade. This brought them a great deal of hatred from the Ultramarines and their successors, who have since forbidden the Minotaurs from entering Ultramar and seek vengeance whenever the opportunity arises.

*'''Blood Angels and the World Eaters''' - Both constantly compete for superiority in melee combat and also the angriest motherfucking berserker full of rage.

*'''Raven Guard and White Scars''' - Supposedly dates back to a huge fucking argument between [[Corax]] and [[Jaghatai Khan]], where the two had a massive spat over the proper use of rapid-reaction forces. Corax insisted they be used as part of infiltration and deep-strike units, and Jaghatai insisted they were to be on the front lines - the two never really saw eye-to-eye, Corax seeing Jaghatai as devastatingly effective, but with the tactical sense of a drunken Space Wolf, and Jaghatai seeing Corax as too cautious and tactical for proper man-fighting. The two would eventually make up after the Horus Heresy, and both the Raven Guard and White Scars would be forced to ally on several occasions - most notably during the infamous Hunt for Voldorius - but an intense rivalry over whose fast-attack doctrine is better persists to this day, and the two factions are still kind of assholes to one another as a result.

*'''Blood Angels and the Black Legion''' - Considering that Horus killed their Primarch (who, before the Heresy, were closer than any other Primarchs) which resulted in them suffering from the Black Rage which eventually causes every descendant of Sanguinius to have visions of being killed by Horus, the Blood Angels probably despise the Black Legion to the point of pure obsession. Also as a rule, the Blood Angels have a special hatred for the [[Abaddon|owner]] of the '''Talon of Horus''', since it killed their father.

*'''World Eaters and the Grey Knights''' - Angron was banished back to the Warp by Grey Knights during the first battle of Armageddon, which resulted in the World Eaters' defeat. Angron has since been resurfacing, and has sworn revenge.

*'''Raven Guard and the Black Legion (also the Word Bearers, Night Lords, Iron Warriors, and Alpha Legion)''' - The Raven Guard were the second hardest hit by the Drop Site Massacre of Istvaan V ''(the Salamanders got hit worse, but there weren't really enough survivors to hold a grudge)''. Though all of the traitor legions except the Thousand Sons were involved, the Raven Guard holds a special hatred for the former Luna Wolves and Horus, a hatred which has transferred over to [[Abaddon]] and the Black Legion. That said, the Raven Guard go absolutely murderous on any of the Legions who turned on them at Istvaan V.

*'''Grey Knights and the Space Wolves''' - Officially, there really isn't a rivalry at all. Because officially the Grey Knights don't exist. Unofficially, during the First War for Armageddon, Grey Knights were ordered to fire on dozens of civilian ships because there was a fraction of a shadow of smidgen of a chance that they were tainted by Chaos. The Space Wolves decided this was pretty dickish, and protected the civilians. Naturally, the Inquisition made it worse. Then old [[Logan Grimnar|Loggy]] chops a Grey Knight Grand Master's head off and kills four Justicars, the ugly downward spiral of '''''WTF!?'''''s started there. Eventually, an understanding was reached where the remaining civvies weren't murdered but just mindwiped a bit and Inquisitorial ships would never again come to Fenris or the wolves would tear them a new asshole.

*'''Imperial Fists and the Iron Warriors''' - Imagine their rivalry akin to World War I. The Imperial Fists are the Brits who love making defenses, while the Iron Warriors are the Germans who also love making defenses but also love destroying stuff. Also, Perturabo hated Rogal Dorn for being Daddy's golden boy and his constant boasting of the fortifications of the Imperial Palace. Perturabo eventually bested Dorn and the Imperial Fists by making a huge space fortress that Dorn then tried to attack in an effort to bring Perturabo to justice. Inside the fortress was nothing but inwardly-faced gunlines, meaning the entire thing was a trap and wound up cutting down enormous numbers of the Imperial Fists before they could retreat. The Imperial Fists were too fierce for the Iron Warriors to destroy without making the ultimate sacrifice however, proving that they get shit done. Perturabo, naturally, found his plan fucking hilarious.

*'''Thousand Sons and the Space Wolves''' - The Space Wolves despised the Red Sorcerers for their practice of magic, and didn't question a goddamned thing after Horus had intentionally given the Wolves incorrect orders (to destroy the Thousand Sons, as opposed to talking Magnus down). Suffice to say, the Space Wolves caused colossal damage to the Thousand Sons, and in the process, destroyed one of the largest repositories of knowledge in the entire fucking Imperium, including a huge amount of information that would have helped the Imperium better fight off its enemies. Horus' dick move forced the Thousand Sons to eventually turn to Tzeentch just to survive. Though the Wolves' offense devastated the Sons, the Legion would nonetheless resurface to attack the Space Wolves: they led a siege on their homeworld and succeeded in causing considerable damage before being driven off. During this offensive, they managed to destroy a series of laboratories, including one that held an entire generation worth of the Space Wolves' Gene-Seed (as well as the cure for the Wulfen curse), and Magnus himself was responsible for killing the Space Wolves' chapter-master.

*'''White Scars and the Space Wolves''' - Thousand Sons were the biggest bros of the Scars during the Great Crusade, their primarchs were total bros too, so when they figured out that Wolves destroyed Prospero, killed most of the (still totally loyal) Thousand Sons, forced surviving ones into going heretic, and don't even feel any guilt or remorse about it, none were surprised Scars kept a huge grudge against the Space Yiffs. Also during the crusade, the Scars hated being compared to the Wolves because of the apparent link to barbarism. The Wolves themselves also have a thing or two to say about the multiple times Scars hadn't come to help when they could, starting from when they left Wolves alone against entire Alpha Legion fleet.

*'''Iron Hands and the Emperor's Children''' - Prior to the Heresy, Fulgrim and Ferrus Manus were '''extremely''' close friends. Their bond ran so deep that even as Fulgrim declared his intentions of joining the forces of Chaos to Ferrus, asking him to join him in overthrowing the Emperor, Ferrus couldn't open fire on his brother's ship. Naturally, this had some rather nasty effects in the long term, not least of which was Fulgrim decapitating the Gorgon with his own sword. The Iron Hands did not take kindly to this. Also, getting all repressed and logical over the next 10,000 years caused Slaanesh to take breaking them as a challenge.

*'''World Eaters and The Emperor's Children''' - In addition to following rival deities, the Emperor's Children lost huge numbers of troops to the World Eaters at Skalthrax. Really, all you need to know is that [[Kharn]] and a Flamer were involved, and that before this incident, the World Eaters were a much more coordinated force.

**'''World Eaters and World Eaters''' - This event caused the World Eaters to break up into warbands

*'''Emperor's Children and the Iron Warriors''' - Given that Fulgrim tried to sacrifice Peturabo's soul to Slaanesh to fuel his ascension to Daemon Prince...

*'''Dark Angels and FOUL TRAITORS''' - Do ''not'' get between them and a FOUL TRAITOR TO THE IMPERIUM WHO CERTAINLY HAS NO CONNECTION TO THE SONS OF THE LION. It can only end in tears.

*'''Thousand Sons and World Eaters:''' Khorne hates sorcery, and so the World Eaters hate the Sons. Sadly for the World Eaters, they're usually well out of the Sons' league; the Thousand Sons tend to pick conflicts selectively, which means the followers of Khorne have rarely even had the chance to fight them. Also, it doesn't do much to appease Khorne's bloodlust, since there is no blood or skulls to offer, just dust.

*'''Blood Ravens and EVERYONE:''' Apart from Captain Titus of the Ultramarines, almost every Marine Chapter mentioned in having contact with the Blood Ravens have not been on good terms. Most likely due to their rampant kleptomania. This animosity extends beyond the Space Marines, and into the rest of the Imperium as well; Imperial Guard forces hate them for exterminating the Kronus Liberators, and the Inquisition doesn't like them for their secrecy.

*'''Blood Angels and the Emperor's Children''' - [[Fabius Bile]] stole the blood of Sanguinius from the Blood Angels' Fortress-Monastery as part of a plot to make a clone of the God-Emperor. As the neophyte initiation process for the Blood Angels requires the consumption of some of the aforementioned blood, the Blood Angels and all their Successor Chapters have sworn to find and kill Bile at all costs. (For a while, it looked like they succeeded- that is, until they found out that Bile had begun cloning ''himself''.)

*'''Iron Hands and Raven Guard and Salamanders''' - The Iron Hands are still pissy about the whole [[Drop Site Massacre|Isstvan V]] thing. They believe that had the Salamanders and Raven Guard followed their Primarch Ferrus Manus they would have won at the dropsite massacre. Completely overlooking the fact that they were surprised, surrounded, outgunned and outnumbered nearly 3 to 1. They don't like the Raven Guard in particular for their use of stealth and subterfuge, and also for having a pretty much identical color scheme. The Salamanders aren't too keen about the Iron Hands belief of "purging the weak" and usual disregard for civilian casualties and sometimes their own Marines. The Raven Guard and Salamanders never pulled any of this bullshit with each other, though, and remain close allies, if for nothing other than the Hands constantly being dicks to both of them.

*'''Marines Malevolent and Salamanders''' - What happens when the galaxy's greatest assholes meet the galaxy's greatest humanitarian marines? Hilarity that's what. The hate fueled rivalry that was first widely known came during the Third War for Armageddon where a squad of Marines Malevolent used their [[Whirlwind|Whirlwinds]] to fire upon an Ork-occupied camp, when they ''knew'' that the camp contained hundreds of Imperial civilian hostages, mostly women and children. Oh and guess what their response was, something to do with "Meh, we only serve the Emprah only" and "We didn't know there were ''"that"'' many civilians". As you can imagine, this both horrified and royally pissed off the Salamanders, and when these two Chapters met again after the war, Chapter Master Tu'Shan, to put it simply, bitch-slapped the Captain of the Marines Malevolent in front of ''everybody in the city,'' prompting much sniggering and cheering among both Guardsmen and civilians alike. Because of such reaction to complete dickwards, the Salamanders were considered as the '''Heroes of Armageddon''' by popular vote.

==Bros To the End==
As there are several chapters and legions who despise one another, there's a few that get along damned well.

*'''Raven Guard, Salamanders, and Iron Hands''' - True since the great crusade, where these three found they worked extremely well in-concert - The Raven Guard acting as the advance and cutting off critical locations and eliminating command units, the Salamanders in providing the heavy punch to follow this up, and the Iron Hands providing the tide of firepower to support both. That being said, the Iron Hands' relationship with the Raven Guard and the Salamanders has deteriorated since the Horus Heresy; they believe that had their allies not retreated from the Drop Site Massacre, Ferrus Manus would not have been killed and Horus would have been defeated before he could pose a threat to the Imperium. (It doesn't take a genius to realize that this would have just led to the complete annihilation of their Legions in practice.) It's not really clear if the Hands still fight alongside their former best bros in the 41st millennium, but given the whole "feeding a Raven Guard company to psyker orks for lulz" thing, it doesn't seem likely.

*'''Salamanders and Blood Angels''' - Though the Salamanders are friendly with most Chapters anyway, they're particularly tight with the Blood Angels. Both Chapters are some of the few in the Imperium that actually go out of their way for civilians and put them before pride and glory in battle. This became particularly evident during the [[Armageddon|Second War of Armageddon]], when both fought side-by-side against the [[Orks]] and when [[Dante]] publicly honored [[Tu'Shan]] for his bravery during the war and bitch-slapping the Marines Malevolent Captain.

*'''Imperial Fists and Imperial Fists successors''' - Doctrinal differences aside, the sons of Dorn have always been on good terms with each other. Whenever a crisis threatens Terra that is too great for a single chapter, the Imperial Fists and their successors unite to put an end to that threat, such as [[The War of The Beast]], and the [[Age of Apostasy|Second Siege of Terra]] to put [[Goge Vandire]] in his place. Every century, they also come together for an epic swordfighting tournament called the [[Feast of Blades]].

*'''Blood Angels and Imperial Fists''' - Both fought and died in the defense of the Imperial Palace. Broforce = very yes.

*'''Ultramarines and Imperial Fists''' - Similar to the Space Wolves and Dark Angels above, beef about the codex aside, the two chapters have always been on very good terms.

*'''Dark Angels and Dark Angel successors''' - THE DARK ANGELS HAVE NO SUCH RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR SUCCESSOR CHAPTERS. RUMORS THAT DARK ANGEL SUCCESSORS ARE STILL UNDER DIRECT COMMAND FROM THEIR PARENT CHAPTER, EFFECTIVELY STILL MAKING THEM FUNCTION AS A LEGION, ARE OBVIOUSLY LIES AND SLANDER FABRICATED BY THE FOUL HERETICS OF CHAOS, AS SUCH AN ACT WOULD BREAK THE GUIDELINES OF THE CODEX ASTARTES, WHICH LOYAL CHAPTERS WOULD NOT DO.

*'''Salamanders and Word Bearers {pre-heresy.}''' - Something about all the sacrifices, and all the red paint.

==Official /tg/ Space Marine Chapters==
[[File:Cloten.jpg|300px|right|thumb|THE RAPE TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES!!!]]
One of /tg/'s favorite pastimes is creating new and exciting chapters of the Adeptus Astartes based on silly concepts. [[/tg/|/tg/'s]] [[/tg/'s homebrews|homebrew]] chapters include:

*[[Adeptus Orthodontus]]
*[[Angry Marines]]
*[[Bald Marines]]
*[[Bro Marines|Alpha Sigma Sigma]]
*[[Butthurt Marines]]
*[[The Wonderful Misadventures of: Inquisitor Fob and the Classy Marines|Classy Marines]]
*[[Censor Marines]]
*[[Comedy Marines]]
*[[Disco Marines]]
*[[Dorf Marines]]
*[[Drunk Marines]]
*[[Sigmar Marines|Emperor's Hammers]]
*[[Emperor's Paragons]]
*[[Galactic Partridges]]
*[[Golden Aquilas]]
*[[Lazy Marines]]
*[[Manly Marines]]
*[[Metal Marines]]
*[[Mexicarines]]
*[[Mole Marines]]
*[[Obstinate Marines]]
*[[Pathetic Marines]]
*[[Pretty Marines]]
*[[Reasonable Marines]]
*[[Red Skeletons]]
*[[Scary Marines]]
*[[Silly Marines]]
*[[Sleepy Marines|Dream Warriors]]
*[[Star Shanks]]
*[[Elderly Marines]]
'''As you can see, /tg/ has a problem with creativity.'''

===Second Founding of /tg/ Space Marine Chapters===
After the release of Deathwatch: Rites of Battle, /tg/ quickly flung itself at the chapter creation rules and began to produce a second wave of /tg/ chapters. Noticeably more serious business than the previous chapters, these Spess Mahreens range from the widely popular Emperor's Nightmare, to the derpy Flesh Helms.

*[[BANE OF SANITY]]-AGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*[[Abyssal Jaws]] - Institutionally sharky.
*[[Black Locks]] - Institutionally corsair.
*[[Blood Jaguars]] - Institutionally Aztec.
*[[Brotherhood of the Gauntlet]] - Institutionally Arabic Ghazi.
*[[Brotherhood of the Megalith]] - Institutionally rocky.
*[[Conservators]] - Institutionally poor and under-equipped. It's what happens when you piss of the Mechanicus.
*[[Deep Ones (Tiji Sector)|Deep Ones]] - Institutionally aquatic and environmentally resistant.
*[[Desert Fangs]] - Institutionally [[Angry Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Dune Walkers]] - Institutionally Arabic Nomads.
*[[Emperor's Bears]] - Institutionally lost.
*[[Emperor's Nightmare]] - Institutionally [[Sleepy Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Eyes of Mordred]] - Institutionally [[Scary Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Flesh Helms]] - Institutionally [[Imperial Guard]] of the Adeptus Astartes.
*[[Guardians Exemplar]] - Institutionally equal to the [[Marines Malevolent]].
*[[Ice Serpents]] - Institutionally [[Baneblade|mechanized]] for war.
*[[Ice Wraiths]] - Institutionally [[Awesome|cyborg-ice-vampire-yeti-riders]].
*[[Knights Inductor]] - Institutionally [[Reasonable Marines]] taken seriously. Also [[Mary Sues|MARY SUES]], don't mention them on /tg/. You'll just [[troll|cause a shitstorm]]
*[[Knights Repentant]] - Institutionally UTTERLY LOYAL and true pre-heresy [[Word Bearers]].
*[[Lumbermarines]] - Institutionally lumberjacks.
*[[Rising Sons]] - Institutionally BANZAI!!!
*[[Screaming Eagles]] - Institutionally 'MURICAN!!! FUCK YEAH!
*[[Talons of Corvus]] - Institutionally a more heroic [[Command and Conquer|Nod]].
*[[The Sovereign's Appraisal]] - Institutionally loyal and sympathetic despite mutations, being declared renegade, [[Slaanesh]] trying to seduce them and the [[Ultramarines]] and their successors trying to terminate them.
*[[War Brothers]] - Institutionally not giving a damn about what the [[Dark Angels]] want from them.
*[[The Adeptus Estates]] - Institutionally home building.
*[[Mourning Sons]] - Institutionally shedding [[Fist of the North Star|Manly Tears]].
*[[Star Krakens]] - Institutionally Viking, yet not [[Space Wolves|THAT]] Viking. Plus one of the biggest of shits that /tg/ has done right. AND HOW!
*[[Space Knights]] - Institutionally dour.
'''The second wave WOULD show improvements to creativity... If they didn't use a RPG system as a crutch, among other issues.'''

==See Also==
*[[Beakie]] - When the Spehss mahrens were awesome looking.
*[[Chaplain]] - The spiritual leaders of the space marines.
*[[Female Space Marines]]- Records officially decommissioned and terminated by the [[Inquisition]] on the grounds of [[Heresy]], there is nothing here trust us. E-Commissars will blam you from your monitor when attempting to access said heretical records.
*[[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine]]- The official game of [[Pauldrons]] (despite the fact that the pauldrons in this game are smaller than they should be)
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Space Marines|Tactics/Space Marines]]
*[[Guidelines of the Space Marines]]
*Despite the considerable amount of hate at the space marines nowadays, [[The World Engine|they can still be awesome.]]
*[[Stormcast Eternals]] (AKA, [[Ground Marines]]), their [[Warhammer: Age of Sigmar]] equivalent.
*[[Terminator]]
*[[Apothecary]]
*[[Techmarine]]
*[[Librarian]]
*[[Scout]]

==External Links==
* [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Space_Marine Lexicanum on Space Marines]
* [http://wackycamper.deviantart.com/art/Space-Marine-Commandments-88741651 The Commandments of the Space Marine]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13nM17TV_sU/ Rap song dedicated to the mighty-ass space marines.]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMzWrDSNN4Y/ Another rap dedicated to the mighty-ass space marines.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Emperor's quote about the Space Marines in a remix done from If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device glory.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shRHZLheEJI What is to be a space marine, in thrash metal version!]

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Xenos sighted.jpg
File:Pingas.png
File:Pyramidheadspacemarine.jpg
File:Troll Emperor.jpg
File:New Marine.jpg
Image:1227373581722.gif
Image:Femalemini.jpg
File:Correction.JPG|Drill Abbots '''hate''' him!
File:Stuffy.jpg|Build a Marine Workshop
File:Pauldronius.png|[[Pauldron]]ius
File:Brother Sergeant Aznable.jpg|'''EEECK!'''
image:steelrain.jpg|Steel Rain in action!
File:Reasonablemarine.png|Don't fuck with [[Reasonable Marines]].
Image:LEGO_SpaceMarines_by_Jerac.jpg|Brick by brick we shall conquer.
File:1285382081001.jpg|Apparently, marines '''DO''' in fact have tiny heads.
File:Sperm Marine.jpg|I'm in ur w0mb, fertulizan yo eggz
File:Amuricuh.jpg|What historians didn't want you to believe
File:Yes they can.jpg|[[Skub|A matter of some contention.]]
File:False.jpg|Taking a page from their fallen brothers.
Image:Primarchs_as_teen_girls.png|'''[[Rule 63]] Primarchs are the most popular girls at [[HS40K]]'''
File:Gearing up.jpg|A rare glimpse at a Space Marine without his awesome pauldrons on
File:1294948918986.jpg|Salamander Space Marines training starts at a reasonably young age
File:Armour of Bulk.png|Space Marines and ridiculous suits of armour go hand in hand.
File:BruceAstartes.jpg|Brother Campbell brings a world into Imperial compliance.
File:SpessM.jpg|Indrick Boreale nearly turned Space Marines into the laughing stock of the entire franchise.
File:Angels of Derp.jpg|Space Marines as depicted during the dark ages of GW art (aka 2nd Edition)
Image:1228559892410.jpg|The scary thing is that this isn't fan art, seriously, this was an official GW product.
File:Warhammer 40k space marines we'll find your mom mother storytellers storytime missing child lost little girl.jpg|Now gather around children as I recount to you the exploits of the Emperor's chosen...
Image:1207335921499.jpg|The Space Wizards of Warpwarts have mastered the art of profecting the power of the warp through small wooden sticks. How they refrain from breaking them is a mystery.
Image:Horny Marine.gif|'''Hump the heretic, penetrate the mutant, cum in the alien''' '''Goodness [[Emperor's Children|me]]!''' I didn't know you loyalists had [[FATAL|it]] in you.
</gallery>
</center>

{{Imperium}}
{{Marines-Forces}}
{{Marines-Official}}
{{Marines-Characters}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

Cultist

2016-10-29T15:20:59Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A:

[[File:Cultists.jpg|350px|right|thumb|[[Khornholio|FOR KHAOSSSS!!!]]]]
Cultist AKA Cannon Fodder, Chaos Munchies, Whining Bitches, Annoying Squeakers, Edgy Fuckers and Khorne Berserker meatshields are the ragtag team/army of renegade humans, Imperial Guardsmen or peasants who have forsaken the Imperium in turn of having the freedom in indulging in [[Extra Heresy|extra heretical]] pleasure. They are considered as the eviler and more spikier counterparts to the [[Imperial Guard]]. While they have smaller balls than their loyal brethren, they are still larger than the [[Chaos Space Marines]]. Chaos Cultists are diverse and range from Iron Maiden lookalikes to BDSM [[Dark Eldar]] wannabes, each worshiping a particular [[Chaos God]] or all of them.

==Overview==
All planets and civilizations belonging to the Imperium can harbor Chaos organisations, which themselves are as diverse in practice and membership as is imaginable. From the blood-soaked sacrificial cults of feral worlds to the philosophical secret societies of more advanced worlds, the temptations of Chaos can capture all. Indeed, according to the Ordo Hereticus, Chaos Cults can arise from any class of Imperial society, be it impoverished, noble, hive-gang, abhuman, soldiers, or mutant.

At first glance they are indistinguishable from normal men, but under their clothes, the flesh is tattooed and branded with sigils that hurt the eyes of any faithful who look upon them. When the Chaos Space Marines come to a planet, the true colours of the Cultists are revealed.

The objective of the Chaos cult is to survive and eventually dominate the society. Mere survival is particularly important on Imperial worlds, where Chaos worship is the greatest of heresies and [[Inquisitors]] are always vigilant and ready to wipe out any taint of Chaos.

Generally clandestine in nature, as discovery could bring with it attention from local [[Adeptus Arbites|Arbites]] all the way up to the [[Inquisition]], cults often hide behind the front of some form of legitimate organization in their attempt to accumulate local or planetary power, such as trade unions, charitable organizations, accepted religious groups and even local variants of the Imperial cult.

Extreme political organizations make good fronts for cults, as they naturally attract power-hungry and mentally unbalanced individuals, which make particularly good material for potential cult members. A very successful organization can gain real political power, even gaining enough power to make it possible for the cult to become the governing body of the planet without having to resort to rebellion.

After taking root, and as it expands in power and influence, eventually the cult may end up effectively ruling anything from a township to an entire planet. Eventually, an uprising breaks out, either on purpose or because the cult has grown too large and/or unruly to remain secret any longer. At this point, the cult can be expected to summon aid from their Chaotic masters, ranging from incurring daemonic possession to summoning the Traitor Legions. Cults may also be uprising in concert with an invasion of Chaos Marines. The ultimate aim of the cult's uprising is to overthrow the Imperial government and attain direct control of the world. After the conflict, cultists are often taken back into the [[Eye of Terror]] where they either join the damned population of a daemon world or are formed up into a Chaos Warlord's armed forces.

There are many types of Cults, all of which can be [[Chaos Cults|seen here.]]

==Equipment==
The Chaos Cultists are garbed in ragged cloaks, macabre masks and sinister-looking hoods, and display an array of intricate features from studs and straps to daggers, wires and pouches. Cultists often carry a mixture of close combat weapons and ranged weapons, including spiked maces, flails, autoguns and auto pistols.

==Dawn of War==
In Dawn of War, Cultists are infamous for their high-squeak voices sounding more in line with a constipated Mickey Mouse. Their hilarious voice acting and general weak sauce makes them prime fuel for meme-baits. While they are pitifully weak, once they get upgrades with a Chaos Space Marine leader and grenade heavy weapons, you can kiss your ass goodbye.

==Dawn of War 2==
Dawn of War 2 took out the iconic "FOR KHAOSSS!!!!" voice with a much more grittier and manlier voice. Ironically the voice acting made the Cultists more manly than the Imperial Guard. In DOW2, Chaos Players usually equip their Cultists with Grenade Launchers for maximum [[Lulz]]. Cultists in DOW 2 became more useful now with their ability to create a ritual and build a shrine for each of the respective gods that buffs their allies and suppress their enemies.

==See Also==
*[[Khornholio]] - He wants tippy for his chaotic bunghole. The most infamous Cultist to date. Originated from the hammy voice acting in Dawn of War 1.
*[[Cultist-Chan]]- Another famous Cultist originating, yet again from the bizarre accent of the Dawn of Wa 1 Cultists.
*[[Lost and the Damned]] - When Cultists get their shit together and fight on par with the Imperial Guard.

{{Template:Chaos Space Marines}}
{{Lost-and-Damned}}

Genestealer

2016-10-27T15:20:10Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Genestealer Cults */

Victoria Miniatures

2016-10-25T17:18:22Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Imperial Guard Regiment Proxies */

[[File:Victoria Logo.jpg|thumb|center|550px]]
[[File:Inquisitors.jpg|thumb|right|300px|You weren't expecting to see these guys here, were you?]]
'''Victoria Miniatures''' is an Australian tabletop model company run mostly by just one person, Victoria Lamb, and as opposed to the deluge of companies making space marine parts, caters almost exclusively to the [[Imperial Guard]]. In particular, Lamb produces models and parts to proxy for some of the more obscure but characterful regiments that [[GW]] have effectively forgotten about (but all given some admittedly well done not-40k lore for extra insurance against GW’s lawyer vultures), as well as parts for female guardsmen that actually look realistic and sensible instead of looking like they belong on a Playboy-40k magazine cover.

Victoria Miniatures is also responsible for making the [[Monty Python]] [[Inquisitor]] miniatures, and is one of only two companies (the other being Zinge Industries) that makes a full tire conversion kit for the Imperial Guard [[Taurox]], which is practically a must-have if you have any interest at all in making your trukk-tanks look respectable.

==Imperial Guard Regiment Proxies==
* [[Cadian Shock Troops]] - Arcadian Guard. If you want some different-looking Cadians, the Arcadians don't look half bad.
* [[Praetorian Guard]] - Victorian Guard
* [[Mordian Iron Guard]] - Tannenburg Fusiliers
* [[Tanith First (And Only)]] - Border World Rangers
* [[Drookian Fen Guard]] - Highland Guard. They even have their own bagpipes!
* [[The Last Chancers]] - Penal Guard
* [[Beastmen (40k)|Beastmen]] (Yes, technically beastmen are part of 40k) - Broolian Beastmen

==Conversion Bits==
* Female heads, and female bodies for Cadians and Mordians
* Taurox four-wheel conversion
* [[Rough riders]]- The conversion bits are designed with Praetorians in mind and don't come with horses, but they'll work for any other units so long as you have the head and torso.
* Alternate versions of standard IG weapons; [[lasgun]]s, [[plasma]], [[melta]], [[flamer]], etc.
* [[Chainaxe]]s and [[Chainsword]]s (including two-handed Eviscerators - now no longer exclusive to [[Sisters Repentia]] squads!)
* [[Adeptus Arbites|Arbite]]-style [[Power Weapon|Power Maul]]s
* Various miscellaneous accessories, such as capes, shields, armor, backpacks, scopes, even goggles.

==See Also==
*[http://victoriaminiatures.highwire.com/ The Website]

[[Category: Model Manufacturers]]

Inquisition

2016-10-25T17:15:09Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* On the Tabletop */ I can't find anything saying the Deathwatch left the inquisition; the Beast Arises books suggest otherwise.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nf_Y4MbUCLY '''NOBODY EXPECTS THE IMPERIAL INQUISITION!''']
 - ''Lord Inquisitor Ximénez''

''It does not follow that because the devil has been given power over someone on account of his sins, that power must come to an end on the cessation of the sin.''
[[File:Inquisitorial_Symbol.png|thumb|100px|right|The official seal and symbol of the Inquisition. Variations exist.]]
- Malleus Maleficarum

Also known as the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]]'s pet psychopaths - at least according to [[Commissar]] [[Ciaphas Cain|Cain]]. Strange how he gets away with this [[heresy]]. (It was because the Inquisitor writing it was his lover, he was probably dead when it was published and she probably agreed with him on the matter in regards to many of her colleagues.)

MP jokes aside, the Holy Orders of the Officio Inquisitorus, or just Inquisition, are the "secret" police and internal investigators of the [[Imperium of Man]], the eponymous hunters of the alien, the mutant and the heretic. The inquisition is a semi-omnipotent organization that has authority over every other organization and watch every single life in the Imperium for the slightest signs of heresy 1984-Big Brother style. On the plus side, though, literally ANYONE can become an inquisitor if they really impress and win all their FOR THE EMPRAH rolls; really, even hab worker #343332791984. The Emperor and his guards are the only people in the Imperium beyond their jurisdiction; even the High Lords can be (and were) subject to Inquisitorial investigation. Plus they're FUCKING ASSHOLES! (Most of them, but there are a couple that are sympathetic. Key word being COUPLE.)

==History==
[[Image:Inquisitors.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Bet you weren't expecting that.]]

So when it became obvious that the Emperor's plan to starve the [[Chaos Gods]] with [[Imperial Truth|atheism]] was a failure due to the [[Horus Heresy]], the Big E ordered [[Malcador the Sigillite]] with the formation of the Inquisition. Charged with finding "men of character" to seek out the [[heresy|heretic]], the [[xenos|xeno]], the [[daemon]], and the unexpecting, the Inquisition serves as the secret protectors (or murderers) of the [[Imperium of Man]], guarding it from those who would destroy it from within, from without, and from [[Warp|beyond]].

The Inquisition began with the [[Knights-Errant]], a group of proto-Grey Knights drafted from Loyalist Space Marines (including those formerly from Legions that had turned traitor) that were active during the Heresy, forming the beginnings of the Ordo Malleus (the Ordo Malleus wouldn't form proper until the Inquisition also made the Ordo Xenos). Over time, the other ordos were added; the Ordo Xenos after the [[War of The Beast]] (partly to manage the brand new [[Deathwatch]]), the Ordo Sicarius after [[The Beheading]], and the Ordo Hereticus after the [[Age of Apostasy]], and so on. Over time, the Inquistion's overall mission became less about fighting the machinations of Chaos so much as preserving the status quo as much as possible, as deviance was to be interpreted as disloyalty, and therefore, Heresy.

As part of their duties, [[Inquisitor]]s have damn near unlimited power, up to and including [[Exterminatus|the destruction of worlds]]. If they have good cause, they can demand service from anyone, from lowly citizens to the [[High Lords of Terra]]. The only people officially exempt from this are the [[Adeptus Custodes]], who can legitimately say they have a more important job in guarding the Emperor on the Golden Throne. In practice, though, Inquisitors tend to at least say "please" and "thank you" when they require service from the more powerful Imperial organizations, especially [[Space Marines]], since they tend to get turfy about taking orders from any non-Space Marine save the Emprah. Those who don't tread lightly tend to get a close encounter with a [[chainsword]].

"''Innocence proves nothing.''"

Inquisitorial motto

==On the Tabletop==

In the past, the Inquisition was represented by three different armies, that being the [[Daemonhunters]], [[Witchhunters]], and <s>[[Alienhunters]]</s> Okay that last one doesn't have any genuine tabletop representation. However, these armies ended up being split apart, with their chambers militant effectively becoming independent armies with their own codices as the [[Grey Knights]], [[Sisters of Battle]], and [[Deathwatch]] respectively. The disadvantage to this move was that these new armies suffered from a lack of unit choices, especially the Sisters of Battle, who lack the variety in vehicle and infantry support normally enjoyed by other factions such as the Space Marines. Realistically, unless you're up against an equally under-equipped enemy, allying up with another force is practically a necessity.

As for the Inquisitors themselves, you could still field them, but only as an allied detachment to a mainline army, such as the Imperial Guard. And like the factions mentioned above, they lost not just their chamber militants, but also their basic troops in the form of Inquisitorial [[Stormtrooper]]s (in fact the Inquisition can't field troops at all, only elites in the form of henchmen). They do have a few unique units like [[Jokaero]] and [[Crusaders]], but without some cheap units to help screen the enemy you'll end up with an expensive and easily outnumbered army. However, they do come with a number of transports (including the nominally [[Space Marine]]-only [[Land Raider]]), which can be a boon to armies lacking in vehicle options. And if you want to bring [[Officio Assassinorum|assassins]] with you, you'll get them through the inquisitor. Besides, fluff-wise an Inquisitor would normally want plenty of meat-shields to do the shooting for them anyways.

== Organization ==

[[File:PPI.jpg|thumb|right|300px|[[Heresy]], [[chaos]], and [[xenos]]. These were the most dangerous threats to the [[Imperium]] that were foreseen, but the [[Emprah]] of Mankind suddenly foresaw something more threatening than the three: EXTRA HERESY. Thus, the Inquisition was born! Using their ultra abusive authority, the [[Ordo Malleus]], [[Ordo Hereticus|Hereticus]], and [[Ordo Xenos|Xenos]] have dedicated their lives to defending the Imperium, and killing the enemies of the Emprah!]]

The Inquisition is unique among Imperial departments in that it has no formal definition of a hierarchy or structure. However, [[Inquisitor]]s with common interests tend to band together to tackle issues too large for a single Inquisitor, and over time, these coalitions have coalesced into bodies called ''Ordos'' which specialize in handling a particular class of threat to the Imperium. Inquisitors will also form looser, smaller groups called ''conclaves'' to handle specific threats -- for example, a single [[Tyranid]] invasion, or threats pertaining to a particular planet. Conclaves usually include members of a single Ordo, but there's no rule against having multiple Ordos represented, and some Inquisitors actively form conclaves with experts in diverse fields.

There are three ''Ordos Majoris'' in the Inquisition:

*[[Daemonhunters|Ordo Malleus]] - They are guys who hunt [[daemon|daemons.]] This branch works with the [[Grey Knights]].
*[[Witch Hunters|Ordo Hereticus]] - Guys who like to hunt [[wizard|witches]], [[heresy|heretics]] and [[furry|mutants]]. This branch works with the [[Sisters of Battle]].
*And the [[Alienhunters|Ordo Xenos]] - The guys who fight aliens. All the time. This branch occasionally works with the [[Deathwatch]].

Several ''Ordos Minoris'' exist as well, although their exact number is uncertain (especially because an Ordo is only as big as the number of Inquisitors who care about its particular issue -- the factor that separates the major Ordos from the minor ones is that there are always plenty of daemons, heretics, and xenos to go around, while other threats rise and fall in prominence). The best-known (relatively speaking) are as follows:

*Ordo Aegis- They help with keeping the Cadian Gate secure.
*Ordo Astartes- They try to keep some degree of control over the [[Space Marines]], with "try" being the operative word. Some recent breakthroughs have been made with the introduction of [[Vindicare|Ork Sharpshooters]] and [[Minotaurs|dickery]].
*Ordo Astra- They keep stellar maps up to date.
*Ordo Barbarus- They watch over pre-industrial worlds to make sure Chaos cults can't spring up on them.
*[[Ordo Chronos]] - They specialize in the possibility of time travel (particularly because time in the Warp doesn't flow normally), and they sought to deal with temporal anomalies, such as a ship reaching its destination before it actually left its starting point. Unfortunately for them, they just up and vanished without a trace. Nobody knows where they went and as a result this Ordo has been essentially forgotten by the rest of the Inquisition.
*Ordo Custodum- They make sure Holy Terra stays secure and devoid of heretics.
*Ordo Desolatus- Purpose unknown. For some odd reason it only has one member.
*Ordo Excorium- They make sure nobody tries to call in an [[Exterminatus]] without having a good reason for it first. The Imperium could probably use more of them, seeing as Exterminatus seem to happen all the time for things that could probably have been resolved in other ways. They are doing their job since by official statistics, over 90% of Inquisitors who declared a single Exterminatus were stripped of their rank and declared heretics for this exact reason. But they really need to put some effort to prevent such kind of behavior. Print some guidelines or something.
*Ordo Machinum - They ensure that the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] properly integrate STC variants (and the occasional piece of xenos tech) into Imperial technology while also trying to keep their hoarding tendencies to an acceptable level.
*Ordo Militarum - Their role is to ensure that the Imperial armed forces remain loyal. The [[Commissar]]iat is their child organization.
*Ordo Necros- Nobody's entirely sure what they do, but since they apparently needed an entire Ordo to supervise them (The Ordo Vigilus), it must be really important. Something to do with the [[Necron]]s, maybe? (Looking after the [[C'tan|Void Dragon]]?) Something to do with a nature of death and the afterlife? In any case, someone was and is really fucking worried about them and whatever the hell they're doing.
*Ordo Originatus- They act as the Inquisition's historians, attempting to sift through ten thousand years' worth of myths and legends for the few grains of truth that remain.
*Ordo Obsoletus- only mentioned in the fluff a few times, the Inquisitions official department of What The Fuck just happened here? Tends to chase up inexplicable events like the Legion of the Damned turning up. Basically the 40th millennium's X-Files. Tend to be suspicious about miracles.
*Ordo Redactus- The Inquisition's equivalent of the Ministry of Truth, which makes sure that the secrets of the Inquisition's past stay secret. Naturally, this can be quite a problem for the Ordo Originatus if the two don't work together.
*Ordo Thanatos - Unknown purpose. Considering though they are named after the Greek word for death, it points to their purpose having some relation to death, perhaps investigating means of immortality?
*Ordo Sanctorum- This branch keeps a close eye on the [[Ecclesiarchy]] so a second Reign of Blood doesn't occur.
*Ordo Scriptorum- Like a grimdark version of the NSA, they examine and investigate written records and communications and try to cut through the Administratum's red tape when doing so would keep the Imperium safe and secure. Occasionally referred to as the Ordo ISO 9000.
*Ordo Scriptus- Oversees official historical records on Terra. Since they only have 6 (Inquisitorial) members, they most likely make use of great amounts of administratum resources, and even then they are constantly and horribly out of date.
*Ordo Senatorum- Unknown purpose. Perhaps it has something to do with the [[High Lords of Terra|Senatorum Imperialis]] and their staff?
*[[Ordo Sicarius]] - They watch over the [[Officio Assassinorum]] to make sure that they don't try to repeat [[The Beheading]].
*[[Zombiehunters|Ordo Sepulturum]] - They're dedicated to fighting plagues and diseases, but mainly the Zombie Plague and the zombies that result.
*Ordo Vigilus - their purpose is to keep an eye on the Ordo Necros. Someone must have been really concerned by Necros to make an Ordo for the sole sake of keeping an eye on an Ordo.

And nice red uniforms OH DAMN.

Most of the Ordos are very straightforward, doing jobs that are necessary to keep the Imperium running and acting as checks and balances to other powerful organizations in the Imperium, making sure at least most of the various factions play nice while they're around to do important things.

(More or less how they act on /tg/ - [[Media:I.png]]

==Hierarchy==
[[Dark Heresy]] gives us a look at the inner workings of the Inquisition in how they operate and recruit people. Many of them come from nearly every other organization of the Imperium, with a few criminals and death cultists thrown in.

*Acolyte - these are the guys who get recruited (or press-ganged) into the Inquisition's service, for the long term that is. While an Inquisitor can commandeer anyone they need for a particular mission, these agents officially belong to the Inquisition and have received training for their part in the organization. Reasons for recruitment can vary between a person's skills being seen as valuable, to the person in question has seen too much but can be put to use instead of purged, or if the person in question is simply expendable. Acolytes are often servants or meatshields for inquisitors, but if a particular agent shows a high degree of resourcefulness, they may be selected for becoming an inquisitor's personal retinue.
*Throne Agent - An Inquisitor's trusted aides, they tend to be more experienced than acolytes and aid in investigations. Throne Agents who are especially talented with a history of success may be recommended to become Inquisitors themselves.
*Explicator - Apprentice Inquisitors, they train directly under an Inquisitor on how to investigate.
*Interrogator - Inquisitors in training sent out into the field. They have their own rosettes and can order people around, but still lack the authority to perform independently. Once they have enough field and leadership experience they get promoted by the approval of three Inquisitors or one Inquisitor Lord.
*Inquisitor - the full monty. These are the guys who get to root out Heresy, order Exterminatus, rope entire armies into service, and so forth.
*Inquisitor Lord - Not a rank per se, rather a title that recognizes the power and influence of an individual inquisitor. Invitation-only and requires the agreement of three existing Inquisitor Lords. They tend to be the oversees of a particular conclave.
*Master - One of, if not the Head Honcho for a sub-sector.
*Grandmaster - Like the master, but for an entire sector.
*Inquisitorial Representative - The elected representative to the [[High Lords]].

==Philosophies==

The Inquisition is a big and complicated place, and many have different philosophies on how to protect the Imperium and stop [[Chaos]]. While there are dozens of doctrinal and philosophical disputes, the two important branches are either Puritans or Radicals. Both are fucked up assholes.

===Puritans===
Puritans, simply put, are those who refuse to employ the measures of the enemy, such as xenotech or the Warp. Most Inquisitors start out as Puritans or on the spectrum of Puritanicalism, but a number of them fall into Radicalism eventually (which can be classed as lesser heresy in its most extreme forms). Puritanism can fall among three major philosophies:

*{{anchor|Amalathianism}}'''Amalathianism''': The most conservative form of Puritanism in the Inquisition, Amalathians (named after Mount Amalath, where its tenets were first set down at an Inquisitorial conclave) believe that the Emperor has some sort of divine plan for the Imperium, and the Inquisitions purpose is to protect the Imperium as that plan becomes visible. Change is considered the greatest enemy (which may have [[Tzeentch|some sense to it]]), with the exception that they seek to overcome the factionalism so common within the [[Adeptus Terra]]. The irony that the Amalathians are themselves technically a faction is not lost on them. You'd think that a group which holds the Imperium at present is perfect would be off its rocker, but they're actually a fairly reasonable group who prefer to [[/tg/ gets shit done|get shit done]] rather than bicker and bitch over territorial disputes. [[Gregor Eisenhorn]] was once a staunch Amalathian, but he eventually fell into Radicalism in his later years.
*{{anchor|Monodominant}}'''Monodominant''': The most extreme form of Puritianism in the Inquisition, Monodominants are basically [[Humanity Fuck Yeah]] taken to its illogical extreme. They believe that humanity, and ''only'' humanity, should be allowed to continue to exist. Given that the average inhabitants of the galaxy are [[Eldar|space pansies who would abandon you in a heartbeat]], [[Dark Eldar|space pansies who would torture and rape you in a heartbeat]], [[Ork|green hooligans who would fight and kill you in a heartbeat]], [[Tyranid|giant spacebugs who would eat you in a heartbeat]], [[Necron|undead robots who would atomize you in a clock tick]] and [[Chaos|things much worse]], this is [[Grimdark|an understandable worldview]]. Unfortunately, the Monodominants take things a few steps further, wanting to eliminate all [[mutant]]s, including the [[Psyker]]s ([[Astropath]]s and [[Navigator]]s) that humanity needs to keep functioning, as well even [[Space Marines]]. 
*{{anchor|Thorianism}}'''Thorianism''': The most radical form of Puritanism, Thorians are named after [[Sebastian Thor]], the hero of the [[Age of Apostasy]], and believe that Thor held part of the power of the Emperor within him. The Thorians thus believe that it is possible to reincarnate the Emperor of Mankind into a new body, allowing him to rebuild the Imperium and launch a new [[Great Crusade]]. As a result, Thorians closely study the nature of the human consciousness and the Warp, while also keeping a close eye on individuals that show enough power to be potential hosts for the Emperor's soul (such as Living Saints). They are extremely close to the [[Ecclesiarchy]]. 
**{{anchor|Anomolian Beholders}}'''Anomolian Beholders''': A conservative branch of Thorianism which takes a more passive approach to the resurrectionist ideology; they are more content with observing humanity for signs of the God-Emperor's return than actively trying to bring him back. 
**{{anchor|Ardentites}}'''Ardentites''': A variation of Thorian belief that claims the power of the Emperor was dispersed throughout humanity as a whole rather than being concentrated in any one individual. Derisively referred to as "miracle chasers" by the rest of the Inquisition for their many failed attempts at proving their beliefs.

===Radicals===
''Salvation comes with a cost. Judge us not by our methods, but what we seek to accomplish.'' 
-Inquisitor "The Illusive" Cerberus

Radicals are those Inquisitors who believe in fighting fire with fire--specifically, using the weapons of the enemy against the enemy. According to [[Gideon Ravenor]], Radicalism is an inevitable product of an Inquisitor's ideology being tested, as the more one learns about the nature of the enemy, the more they realize that the enemy has a lot better toys than the Imperium. However, given that most Inquisitors will face Chaos at some point, and given the inherently corrupting nature of the Warp, Radicalism may lead to one hoping to fight the Archenemy with its own tools before brought into the service of the Chaos Gods instead; consequently, an accusation of Radicalism is only slightly less serious than an accusation of outright heresy. Radicalism can fall into a lot more branches than Puritanism, and the following is merely a list of the most common forms it can take:

*{{anchor|Horusians}}'''Horusians''': One of the most dangerous forms of radicalism, Horusians (named after [[Horus|Horus Lupercal]]) believe that power the Chaos Gods imbued Horus with to fight the Emperor can be used to create a new body for the Emperor. Mostly consists of older Inquisitors who have become angry with the other resurrection theories failing to get shit done.
*{{anchor|Istvaanism}}'''Istvaanism''': One of the most violent forms of Radicalism, Istvaanians (named for the virus-bombing of Istvaan III, which began the Horus Heresy) believe that conflict is desirable, and mankind only grows in a state of violence (while it is said that "necessity is the mother of invention", the culture in 40k minimizes technological advancements). In practice, this leads to various conflicts that would otherwise remain minor suddenly becoming unmanageable because an Istvaanite was covertly funneling resources to one or both sides. Possibly the only group in the galaxy who views the Imperium's biggest problem as too ''few'' wars.
*{{anchor|Recongregationism}}'''Recongregationism''': Radicals who believe that the Imperium has become stagnant and corrupt, and needs to be rebuilt lest it collapse further. Unfortunately for them, they aren't entirely sure about how to do this, or how it should be rebuilt after tearing down the old order. Some of the more extreme Recongregators end up like Lilean Chase, an Inquisitor who fell to Chaos and founded the Cognitae (or at least its ''40K'' incarnation), arguably these inquisitors may be the closest thing to <s>the modern views of western society</s> Inquisitors giving a crap about ordinary people, as shown in a small story one of them used a cadre of Xenos Hunters composed of Space Marines from dubious chapters ([[Black Dragons]], [[Flame Falcons]], etc) to simultaneously stop a [[Necron]] incursion and topple an oppressive planetary government with the hope something better will go out of the consecutive population uprising.
*{{anchor|Revivificationism}}'''Revivificationism''': Essentially the radical form of Thorianism, Revivificators believe in studying the effects of death and dying so that they can reverse the process and revive the Emperor of Mankind. Revivificators have a deep interest in studying the Eldar as a result, and have less ties to the Ecclesiarchy.
*{{anchor|Xanthism}}'''Xanthism''': The most overt and well known form of Radicalism, Xanthians (named after Lord Inquisitor Zaranchek Xanthus, executed for heresy in M32) believe that using Chaotic artifacts such as possessed swords and Daemonhosts are viable weapons against the Archenemy which should be used whenever possible. They hold that only by controlling the power of Chaos can Chaos be defeated. Eisenhorn eventually followed Xanthism after being forced to use Cherubael to save the lives of his retinue. (Most of the time, this ends up spectacularly backfiring when their tools rebel at the worst possible time- or worse, corrupt them into the service of Chaos. The Ruinous Powers hate each other, but they aren't always complete idiots about it, and when you play with fire, you only have to drop it once to set the whole house ablaze.)
**{{anchor|Phaenonism}}'''Phaenonism''': A splinter group of Xanthism, considered extreme even by other Radicals. Their dabbling with tech-heresy alongside the traditional Xanthite methods led them to openly deny the Emperor's divinity and embrace the powers of the Warp, seeking to rebuild the Imperium in their own image. Despite being declared Excommunicate Traitoris, there are still some Phaenonites in the Inquisition, although they have taken great caution to conceal their allegiances from their fellow Inquisitors.
*{{anchor|Libricars}}'''Libricars''': An extreme version of Amalthianism that insists that even the smallest deviations from the status quo warrants purging. Unlike the Amalthians, they will do absolutely ''anything'' to ensure the status quo. Needless to say, the Recongregators hate them.
*{{anchor|Oblationists}}'''Oblationists''': Bizarro Monodominants that insist that the truly righteous (i.e. themselves) must allow themselves to be damned through the use of the Warp, the xenos, and the unclean to keep humanity safe. At the same time they believe that anyone else using these things will be hopelessly damned and ought to be purged. The hypocrisy of this is lost on them.
*{{anchor|Ocularians}}'''Ocularians''': A minor faction obsessed with learning how to predict and divine the future, no matter the cost of doing so.
**{{anchor|Antiquarti}}'''Antiquarti''': A subgroup of Ocularians that seek to predict the future by discovering patterns within events in the past. That wouldn't be hard if anyone allowed them to see the few books on the past, since no one teaches history in the grimdark future.
*{{anchor|Polypsykana}}'''Polypsykana''': A group that believes humanity is evolving into a fully psychic race (which appears to be true) and that it is a good idea for them to do everything they can to accelerate this process (which is clearly arguable). They do this by trying to protect nascent psykers from their Puritan colleagues, though they have also been known to harbor witches and other rogue psykers as well.
*{{anchor|Seculos Attendous}}'''Seculos Attendous''': A minor faction that views the [[Ecclesiarchy]] as an obstacle to mankind's progress and seeks to weaken it wherever they can. They're probably the only group of people in the Imperium who have realized that fact. A shame that they can't agree on what to replace it with on the absurdly tiny chance they succeed.
*{{anchor|Casophilians}}'''Casophilians''': Another branch of Thorianism interested in learning how to summon a deceased soul back to the Materium in the hope that doing so could be the first step to resurrecting the Emperor. (In practice, this would probably resemble a form of "reverse daemon summoning".) Relatively conservative by Radical standards, they are one of the few factions that can be considered open to new ideas and are known to work especially well with the Anomolian Beholders.
*{{anchor|Xeno Hybris}}'''Xeno Hybris''': A small group which sees strict anti-alien policies as being counter-productive to the Imperium of Man. They feel that sometimes Xenos can be useful or be learned from, especially when working against chaos. Many inquisitors of the Ordo Malleus in particular will do this to deal with the forces of chaos every now and again, but the Xeno Hybris makes seeking said cooperation their hat. At the very least, these guys are not tempting fate to the same extent by as other Radicals since their toys are much less likely to eat their souls. Even so, this position would most likely be more popular if the aliens the Imperium deals with on a regular basis were less of a bunch of dicks themselves or consists of [[Slaugth|Humanoid Maggots]] and other horrors that not even the Tau will try to convince to join the Greater Good.

==Song==
([http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUMkcBctE7c tune])

The eye that sleepth not.

The Inquisition (Let's begin)

The Inquisition (Look out, sin)

We have a mission

To kill all the Xenos (Xenos, Xe-e-nos)

We're gonna teach them (Wrong from right)

We're gonna help them (See the light)

And make an offer that they can't refuse.

(That the Xenos just can't refuse)

Confess, don't be boring

Say yes, don't be dull

A fact you're ignoring

It's better to lose your schlicktau than your skull (Or your gavalt)

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

But the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay

The Inquisition (Oh boy)

The Inquisition (What joy)

The Inquisition (Oi oi)

I was posting down in /tg/, I was minding my own business

I was about to post some Loli Daemonette.

Then these Ordos Hereticus plunge in

And they throw me in a dungeon

And they shoved a revved up chainsword up my ass.

Is that considerate?

Is that polite?

And not a tube of Preparation H in sight.

I'm sittin' flickin' daemons

And I'm lookin' through the thickens

When suddenly these guys break down my walls.

I didn't even know them

And they grabbed me by the scrotum

And they started playing Ping Pong with my balls

Oh, the agony!

Ooh, the shame!

To make my privates public by a game!

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

But the Inquisition's here and it's here to-

Hey, Eisenhorn!

What do you say?

I just got back from the autos-du-fe,

Autos-du-fe? What's the autos-du-fe?

It's what you oughtn't to do but you do anyway!

Skit scat doodlebac doodle be bay

Will you convert?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you confess?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you revert?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you say YES?

NO NO NO NO!

Now I asked in a nice way

I said pretty please

I bent their ears

Now I'll work on the knees

Hey Eisenhorn

Walk this way

We got a new game you might want to play!

Pull this handle, try your luck

Who knows, Eis, you might win a buck! (All right)

Put it in the ship.

(In the ship In the ship!)

How we doing? Any Heretics repent today?

Not a one! Nay Nay Nay!

We've flattened their fingers,

We've branded their buns.

Nothing is working!

SEND IN THE NUNS WITH GUNS

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

So come on all you Heretics and you Xenos

We got some big news for all of yous

You'd better change your point of views today

'Cause the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!

(bet you weren't expecting that song, either!)

==See Also==
*[[Daemonhunters]]
*[[Witch Hunters]]
*[[Spanish Inquisition|Their completely serious historical predecessors]]
*[[Alienhunters]]
*[[Zombiehunters]]
*[[Ordo Sicarius]]
*[[Ordo Chronos]]
*[[Dark Heresy]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Inquisition(7E)|Tactics/Inquisition]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isw7nLOdYXM A video showing one of the more feared inquisitors]

{{Template:Inquisition}}
{{Template:Imperium}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Inquisition]]

Template:WH40k-Factions

2016-10-25T01:02:21Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: Created page with "<center> {|class="mw-collapsible mw-collapsed table" border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2 style="margin: 1em; border: 2px solid black;" |- !align=center colspan=2 bgcolor="#00..."

<center>
{|class="mw-collapsible mw-collapsed table" border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2 style="margin: 1em; border: 2px solid black;"
|-
!align=center colspan=2 bgcolor="#009973" | Playable Factions in [[Warhammer 40,000]] 
|-
| align=right|'''[[Imperium]]:''' || [[Space Marines]] (''[[Dark Angels]] - [[Blood Angels]] - [[Space Wolves]] - [[Grey Knights]] - [[Deathwatch]]'') [[Imperial Guard]] - [[Sisters of Battle]] - [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] - [[Adeptus Custodes]] - [[Imperial Knight]]s
|-
| align=right|'''[[Chaos]]:''' || [[Chaos Space Marines]] - [[Chaos Daemons]] - [[Lost and the Damned]]
|-
| align=right|'''[[Xenos]]:''' || [[Eldar]] - [[Harlequins]] - [[Dark Eldar]] - [[Orks]] - [[Tau]] - [[Necrons]] - [[Tyranids]] - [[Genestealer Cult]]s
|}
</center>
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]<noinclude>[[Category:40k Templates]]</noinclude>

The Beheading

2016-10-23T19:49:18Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: so many spelling issues

'''The Beheading''' was an event in 546.M32 where Drakan Vangorich, the Grand Master of the [[Officio Assassinorum]] rebelled against the [[High Lords of Terra]].

==Coup==
In the mid-32nd millennium a great calamity befell the Imperium: the WAAAGH! Beast. The most vicious rampage made '''''EVER''''' by orkind drove the Imperium to its knees as dozens of marine chapters were annihilated and thousands of worlds were put to the torch. Terra itself was in a state of constant threat during a good chunk of the war.

The high-lords reaction varied from total incompetence to out-right hindering (special note goes to the Ecclesiarch [[Heresy|who wanted to WORSHIP the Orks and abandon the cult of the Emperor]]) the war effort and thus costing more worlds and billions if not trillions of lives. Except one (later two): Drakan Vangorich himself, a guy who was a bonafide patriot. He and chapter Master Koorland made great efforts and maneuvers to get the filthy and complacent asses of the high-lords to work on the threat at hand. It suffices to say the two of them may be amongst the greatest heroes of the Imperium, for without them mankind would have been annihilated or reduced to slavery a la the Age of Strife.

Once the war was over, Drakan realized that, should there be another threat of a similar caliber, mankind would be wiped out due to the incompetence of the High Lords. This was especially evident when, as The Beast sent his diplomats asking for their surrender, the High Lords were more concerned about their own political power than saving mankind. For the sake of the Imperium, they needed to die (and die they did).

==Response==

Of course this didn't sit well with the Imperium at large. After all the many reformations that had been laid across the last millennium were meant to prevent exactly that (and certain guy named Goge showed they were there for a reason). Thus a strike force led by the Imperial Fists landed on the Assassinorum's headquarter to hunt down Drakan. The Officio responded in kind deploying its most lethal operatives: the landing zones were killzones filled with snipers and the disembarking Astartes were assailed by a cavalcade of roaring Eversors. Callidus and Culexus further harassed their advance.

The marines were killed to a single man who proceeded to kill Drakan with his bolt pistol (kind of a weak way to go, we pray the novel does them more justice) and thus the High Lords had been totally wiped out.

==Aftermath==
Because of the lack of leadership the [[Imperium]] fell into a state of anarchy. For a century long there was no central leadership and no successors for the High Lords. Eventually Agnathio, the then-[[Chapter Master]] of the [[Ultramarines]] gathered up no less than fifty of his fellow Chapter Masters, went to Terra and they proceeded with cock-slapping everyone in the Senatorum until once again twelve High Lords were chosen.

==Clash of the Canon==
One of the Chapters who fought against the Assassins was the Sable Swords. The Chapter that is currently known as the Sable Swords was formed from the remnants of the [[Astral Knights]], nearly wiped out during their siege of [[The World Engine]]… which was in 926.M41. ''9380 years later.'' It is possible that they have been refounded after their destruction (like with the [[Minotaurs]]), but this is not being hinted in what is known about them like with the Minotaurs. Or it could have been another fuckup, who knows.

The Offical Cannon does however list the Sabre Swords as Losing over 800 Marines in the fighting. So they were most likely Massacred and re-built.

{{40k-Timeline}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category: Imperial]]

Inquisition

2016-10-23T19:42:31Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* History */

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nf_Y4MbUCLY '''NOBODY EXPECTS THE IMPERIAL INQUISITION!''']
 - ''Lord Inquisitor Ximénez''

''It does not follow that because the devil has been given power over someone on account of his sins, that power must come to an end on the cessation of the sin.''
[[File:Inquisitorial_Symbol.png|thumb|100px|right|The official seal and symbol of the Inquisition. Variations exist.]]
- Malleus Maleficarum

Also known as the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]]'s pet psychopaths - at least according to [[Commissar]] [[Ciaphas Cain|Cain]]. Strange how he gets away with this [[heresy]]. (It was because the Inquisitor writing it was his lover, he was probably dead when it was published and she probably agreed with him on the matter in regards to many of her colleagues.)

MP jokes aside, the Holy Orders of the Officio Inquisitorus, or just Inquisition, are the "secret" police and internal investigators of the [[Imperium of Man]], the eponymous hunters of the alien, the mutant and the heretic. The inquisition is a semi-omnipotent organization that has authority over every other organization and watch every single life in the Imperium for the slightest signs of heresy 1984-Big Brother style. On the plus side, though, literally ANYONE can become an inquisitor if they really impress and win all their FOR THE EMPRAH rolls; really, even hab worker #343332791984. The Emperor and his guards are the only people in the Imperium beyond their jurisdiction; even the High Lords can be (and were) subject to Inquisitorial investigation. Plus they're FUCKING ASSHOLES! (Most of them, but there are a couple that are sympathetic. Key word being COUPLE.)

==History==
[[Image:Inquisitors.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Bet you weren't expecting that.]]

So when it became obvious that the Emperor's plan to starve the [[Chaos Gods]] with [[Imperial Truth|atheism]] was a failure due to the [[Horus Heresy]], the Big E ordered [[Malcador the Sigillite]] with the formation of the Inquisition. Charged with finding "men of character" to seek out the [[heresy|heretic]], the [[xenos|xeno]], the [[daemon]], and the unexpecting, the Inquisition serves as the secret protectors (or murderers) of the [[Imperium of Man]], guarding it from those who would destroy it from within, from without, and from [[Warp|beyond]].

The Inquisition began with the [[Knights-Errant]], a group of proto-Grey Knights drafted from Loyalist Space Marines (including those formerly from Legions that had turned traitor) that were active during the Heresy, forming the beginnings of the Ordo Malleus (the Ordo Malleus wouldn't form proper until the Inquisition also made the Ordo Xenos). Over time, the other ordos were added; the Ordo Xenos after the [[War of The Beast]] (partly to manage the brand new [[Deathwatch]]), the Ordo Sicarius after [[The Beheading]], and the Ordo Hereticus after the [[Age of Apostasy]], and so on. Over time, the Inquistion's overall mission became less about fighting the machinations of Chaos so much as preserving the status quo as much as possible, as deviance was to be interpreted as disloyalty, and therefore, Heresy.

As part of their duties, [[Inquisitor]]s have damn near unlimited power, up to and including [[Exterminatus|the destruction of worlds]]. If they have good cause, they can demand service from anyone, from lowly citizens to the [[High Lords of Terra]]. The only people officially exempt from this are the [[Adeptus Custodes]], who can legitimately say they have a more important job in guarding the Emperor on the Golden Throne. In practice, though, Inquisitors tend to at least say "please" and "thank you" when they require service from the more powerful Imperial organizations, especially [[Space Marines]], since they tend to get turfy about taking orders from any non-Space Marine save the Emprah. Those who don't tread lightly tend to get a close encounter with a [[chainsword]].

"''Innocence proves nothing.''"

Inquisitorial motto

==On the Tabletop==

In the past, the Inquisition was represented by three different armies, that being the [[Daemonhunters]], [[Witchhunters]], and <s>[[Alienhunters]]</s> Okay that last one doesn't have any genuine tabletop representation. However, these armies ended up being split apart, with their chambers militant effectively becoming independent armies with their own codices as the [[Grey Knights]] and [[Sisters of Battle]], and [[Deathwatch]] respectively (the Deathwatch outright leaving the Inquisition). The disadvantage to this move was that these new armies suffered from a lack of unit choices, especially the Sisters of Battle, who lack the variety in vehicle and infantry support normally enjoyed by other factions such as the Space Marines. Realistically, unless you're up against an equally under-equipped enemy, allying up with another force is practically a necessity. As for the Inquisitors themselves, you could still field them, but only as an allied detachment to a mainline army, such as the Imperial Guard. They do have a few unique units like [[Jokaero]] and [[Crusaders]], but without some cheap units to help screen the enemy you'll end up with an expensive and easily outnumbered army. However, they do come with a number of transports (including the nominally [[Space Marine]]-only [[Land Raider]]), which can be a boon to armies lack in vehicle options. Besides, fluff-wise an Inquisitor would normally want plenty of meat-shields to do the shooting for them anyways.

== Organization ==

[[File:PPI.jpg|thumb|right|300px|[[Heresy]], [[chaos]], and [[xenos]]. These were the most dangerous threats to the [[Imperium]] that were foreseen, but the [[Emprah]] of Mankind suddenly foresaw something more threatening than the three: EXTRA HERESY. Thus, the Inquisition was born! Using their ultra abusive authority, the [[Ordo Malleus]], [[Ordo Hereticus|Hereticus]], and [[Ordo Xenos|Xenos]] have dedicated their lives to defending the Imperium, and killing the enemies of the Emprah!]]

The Inquisition is unique among Imperial departments in that it has no formal definition of a hierarchy or structure. However, [[Inquisitor]]s with common interests tend to band together to tackle issues too large for a single Inquisitor, and over time, these coalitions have coalesced into bodies called ''Ordos'' which specialize in handling a particular class of threat to the Imperium. Inquisitors will also form looser, smaller groups called ''conclaves'' to handle specific threats -- for example, a single [[Tyranid]] invasion, or threats pertaining to a particular planet. Conclaves usually include members of a single Ordo, but there's no rule against having multiple Ordos represented, and some Inquisitors actively form conclaves with experts in diverse fields.

There are three ''Ordos Majoris'' in the Inquisition:

*[[Daemonhunters|Ordo Malleus]] - They are guys who hunt [[daemon|daemons.]] This branch works with the [[Grey Knights]].
*[[Witch Hunters|Ordo Hereticus]] - Guys who like to hunt [[wizard|witches]], [[heresy|heretics]] and [[furry|mutants]]. This branch works with the [[Sisters of Battle]].
*And the [[Alienhunters|Ordo Xenos]] - The guys who fight aliens. All the time. This branch occasionally works with the [[Deathwatch]].

Several ''Ordos Minoris'' exist as well, although their exact number is uncertain (especially because an Ordo is only as big as the number of Inquisitors who care about its particular issue -- the factor that separates the major Ordos from the minor ones is that there are always plenty of daemons, heretics, and xenos to go around, while other threats rise and fall in prominence). The best-known (relatively speaking) are as follows:

*Ordo Aegis- They help with keeping the Cadian Gate secure.
*Ordo Astartes- They try to keep some degree of control over the [[Space Marines]], with "try" being the operative word. Some recent breakthroughs have been made with the introduction of [[Vindicare|Ork Sharpshooters]] and [[Minotaurs|dickery]].
*Ordo Astra- They keep stellar maps up to date.
*Ordo Barbarus- They watch over pre-industrial worlds to make sure Chaos cults can't spring up on them.
*[[Ordo Chronos]] - They specialize in the possibility of time travel (particularly because time in the Warp doesn't flow normally), and they sought to deal with temporal anomalies, such as a ship reaching its destination before it actually left its starting point. Unfortunately for them, they just up and vanished without a trace. Nobody knows where they went and as a result this Ordo has been essentially forgotten by the rest of the Inquisition.
*Ordo Custodum- They make sure Holy Terra stays secure and devoid of heretics.
*Ordo Desolatus- Purpose unknown. For some odd reason it only has one member.
*Ordo Excorium- They make sure nobody tries to call in an [[Exterminatus]] without having a good reason for it first. The Imperium could probably use more of them, seeing as Exterminatus seem to happen all the time for things that could probably have been resolved in other ways. They are doing their job since by official statistics, over 90% of Inquisitors who declared a single Exterminatus were stripped of their rank and declared heretics for this exact reason. But they really need to put some effort to prevent such kind of behavior. Print some guidelines or something.
*Ordo Machinum - They ensure that the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] properly integrate STC variants (and the occasional piece of xenos tech) into Imperial technology while also trying to keep their hoarding tendencies to an acceptable level.
*Ordo Militarum - Their role is to ensure that the Imperial armed forces remain loyal. The [[Commissar]]iat is their child organization.
*Ordo Necros- Nobody's entirely sure what they do, but since they apparently needed an entire Ordo to supervise them (The Ordo Vigilus), it must be really important. Something to do with the [[Necron]]s, maybe? (Looking after the [[C'tan|Void Dragon]]?) Something to do with a nature of death and the afterlife? In any case, someone was and is really fucking worried about them and whatever the hell they're doing.
*Ordo Originatus- They act as the Inquisition's historians, attempting to sift through ten thousand years' worth of myths and legends for the few grains of truth that remain.
*Ordo Obsoletus- only mentioned in the fluff a few times, the Inquisitions official department of What The Fuck just happened here? Tends to chase up inexplicable events like the Legion of the Damned turning up. Basically the 40th millennium's X-Files. Tend to be suspicious about miracles.
*Ordo Redactus- The Inquisition's equivalent of the Ministry of Truth, which makes sure that the secrets of the Inquisition's past stay secret. Naturally, this can be quite a problem for the Ordo Originatus if the two don't work together.
*Ordo Thanatos - Unknown purpose. Considering though they are named after the Greek word for death, it points to their purpose having some relation to death, perhaps investigating means of immortality?
*Ordo Sanctorum- This branch keeps a close eye on the [[Ecclesiarchy]] so a second Reign of Blood doesn't occur.
*Ordo Scriptorum- Like a grimdark version of the NSA, they examine and investigate written records and communications and try to cut through the Administratum's red tape when doing so would keep the Imperium safe and secure. Occasionally referred to as the Ordo ISO 9000.
*Ordo Scriptus- Oversees official historical records on Terra. Since they only have 6 (Inquisitorial) members, they most likely make use of great amounts of administratum resources, and even then they are constantly and horribly out of date.
*Ordo Senatorum- Unknown purpose. Perhaps it has something to do with the [[High Lords of Terra|Senatorum Imperialis]] and their staff?
*[[Ordo Sicarius]] - They watch over the [[Officio Assassinorum]] to make sure that they don't try to repeat [[The Beheading]].
*[[Zombiehunters|Ordo Sepulturum]] - They're dedicated to fighting plagues and diseases, but mainly the Zombie Plague and the zombies that result.
*Ordo Vigilus - their purpose is to keep an eye on the Ordo Necros. Someone must have been really concerned by Necros to make an Ordo for the sole sake of keeping an eye on an Ordo.

And nice red uniforms OH DAMN.

Most of the Ordos are very straightforward, doing jobs that are necessary to keep the Imperium running and acting as checks and balances to other powerful organizations in the Imperium, making sure at least most of the various factions play nice while they're around to do important things.

(More or less how they act on /tg/ - [[Media:I.png]]

==Hierarchy==
[[Dark Heresy]] gives us a look at the inner workings of the Inquisition in how they operate and recruit people. Many of them come from nearly every other organization of the Imperium, with a few criminals and death cultists thrown in.

*Acolyte - these are the guys who get recruited (or press-ganged) into the Inquisition's service, for the long term that is. While an Inquisitor can commandeer anyone they need for a particular mission, these agents officially belong to the Inquisition and have received training for their part in the organization. Reasons for recruitment can vary between a person's skills being seen as valuable, to the person in question has seen too much but can be put to use instead of purged, or if the person in question is simply expendable. Acolytes are often servants or meatshields for inquisitors, but if a particular agent shows a high degree of resourcefulness, they may be selected for becoming an inquisitor's personal retinue.
*Throne Agent - An Inquisitor's trusted aides, they tend to be more experienced than acolytes and aid in investigations. Throne Agents who are especially talented with a history of success may be recommended to become Inquisitors themselves.
*Explicator - Apprentice Inquisitors, they train directly under an Inquisitor on how to investigate.
*Interrogator - Inquisitors in training sent out into the field. They have their own rosettes and can order people around, but still lack the authority to perform independently. Once they have enough field and leadership experience they get promoted by the approval of three Inquisitors or one Inquisitor Lord.
*Inquisitor - the full monty. These are the guys who get to root out Heresy, order Exterminatus, rope entire armies into service, and so forth.
*Inquisitor Lord - Not a rank per se, rather a title that recognizes the power and influence of an individual inquisitor. Invitation-only and requires the agreement of three existing Inquisitor Lords. They tend to be the oversees of a particular conclave.
*Master - One of, if not the Head Honcho for a sub-sector.
*Grandmaster - Like the master, but for an entire sector.
*Inquisitorial Representative - The elected representative to the [[High Lords]].

==Philosophies==

The Inquisition is a big and complicated place, and many have different philosophies on how to protect the Imperium and stop [[Chaos]]. While there are dozens of doctrinal and philosophical disputes, the two important branches are either Puritans or Radicals. Both are fucked up assholes.

===Puritans===
Puritans, simply put, are those who refuse to employ the measures of the enemy, such as xenotech or the Warp. Most Inquisitors start out as Puritans or on the spectrum of Puritanicalism, but a number of them fall into Radicalism eventually (which can be classed as lesser heresy in its most extreme forms). Puritanism can fall among three major philosophies:

*{{anchor|Amalathianism}}'''Amalathianism''': The most conservative form of Puritanism in the Inquisition, Amalathians (named after Mount Amalath, where its tenets were first set down at an Inquisitorial conclave) believe that the Emperor has some sort of divine plan for the Imperium, and the Inquisitions purpose is to protect the Imperium as that plan becomes visible. Change is considered the greatest enemy (which may have [[Tzeentch|some sense to it]]), with the exception that they seek to overcome the factionalism so common within the [[Adeptus Terra]]. The irony that the Amalathians are themselves technically a faction is not lost on them. You'd think that a group which holds the Imperium at present is perfect would be off its rocker, but they're actually a fairly reasonable group who prefer to [[/tg/ gets shit done|get shit done]] rather than bicker and bitch over territorial disputes. [[Gregor Eisenhorn]] was once a staunch Amalathian, but he eventually fell into Radicalism in his later years.
*{{anchor|Monodominant}}'''Monodominant''': The most extreme form of Puritianism in the Inquisition, Monodominants are basically [[Humanity Fuck Yeah]] taken to its illogical extreme. They believe that humanity, and ''only'' humanity, should be allowed to continue to exist. Given that the average inhabitants of the galaxy are [[Eldar|space pansies who would abandon you in a heartbeat]], [[Dark Eldar|space pansies who would torture and rape you in a heartbeat]], [[Ork|green hooligans who would fight and kill you in a heartbeat]], [[Tyranid|giant spacebugs who would eat you in a heartbeat]], [[Necron|undead robots who would atomize you in a clock tick]] and [[Chaos|things much worse]], this is [[Grimdark|an understandable worldview]]. Unfortunately, the Monodominants take things a few steps further, wanting to eliminate all [[mutant]]s, including the [[Psyker]]s ([[Astropath]]s and [[Navigator]]s) that humanity needs to keep functioning, as well even [[Space Marines]]. 
*{{anchor|Thorianism}}'''Thorianism''': The most radical form of Puritanism, Thorians are named after [[Sebastian Thor]], the hero of the [[Age of Apostasy]], and believe that Thor held part of the power of the Emperor within him. The Thorians thus believe that it is possible to reincarnate the Emperor of Mankind into a new body, allowing him to rebuild the Imperium and launch a new [[Great Crusade]]. As a result, Thorians closely study the nature of the human consciousness and the Warp, while also keeping a close eye on individuals that show enough power to be potential hosts for the Emperor's soul (such as Living Saints). They are extremely close to the [[Ecclesiarchy]]. 
**{{anchor|Anomolian Beholders}}'''Anomolian Beholders''': A conservative branch of Thorianism which takes a more passive approach to the resurrectionist ideology; they are more content with observing humanity for signs of the God-Emperor's return than actively trying to bring him back. 
**{{anchor|Ardentites}}'''Ardentites''': A variation of Thorian belief that claims the power of the Emperor was dispersed throughout humanity as a whole rather than being concentrated in any one individual. Derisively referred to as "miracle chasers" by the rest of the Inquisition for their many failed attempts at proving their beliefs.

===Radicals===
''Salvation comes with a cost. Judge us not by our methods, but what we seek to accomplish.'' 
-Inquisitor "The Illusive" Cerberus

Radicals are those Inquisitors who believe in fighting fire with fire--specifically, using the weapons of the enemy against the enemy. According to [[Gideon Ravenor]], Radicalism is an inevitable product of an Inquisitor's ideology being tested, as the more one learns about the nature of the enemy, the more they realize that the enemy has a lot better toys than the Imperium. However, given that most Inquisitors will face Chaos at some point, and given the inherently corrupting nature of the Warp, Radicalism may lead to one hoping to fight the Archenemy with its own tools before brought into the service of the Chaos Gods instead; consequently, an accusation of Radicalism is only slightly less serious than an accusation of outright heresy. Radicalism can fall into a lot more branches than Puritanism, and the following is merely a list of the most common forms it can take:

*{{anchor|Horusians}}'''Horusians''': One of the most dangerous forms of radicalism, Horusians (named after [[Horus|Horus Lupercal]]) believe that power the Chaos Gods imbued Horus with to fight the Emperor can be used to create a new body for the Emperor. Mostly consists of older Inquisitors who have become angry with the other resurrection theories failing to get shit done.
*{{anchor|Istvaanism}}'''Istvaanism''': One of the most violent forms of Radicalism, Istvaanians (named for the virus-bombing of Istvaan III, which began the Horus Heresy) believe that conflict is desirable, and mankind only grows in a state of violence (while it is said that "necessity is the mother of invention", the culture in 40k minimizes technological advancements). In practice, this leads to various conflicts that would otherwise remain minor suddenly becoming unmanageable because an Istvaanite was covertly funneling resources to one or both sides. Possibly the only group in the galaxy who views the Imperium's biggest problem as too ''few'' wars.
*{{anchor|Recongregationism}}'''Recongregationism''': Radicals who believe that the Imperium has become stagnant and corrupt, and needs to be rebuilt lest it collapse further. Unfortunately for them, they aren't entirely sure about how to do this, or how it should be rebuilt after tearing down the old order. Some of the more extreme Recongregators end up like Lilean Chase, an Inquisitor who fell to Chaos and founded the Cognitae (or at least its ''40K'' incarnation), arguably these inquisitors may be the closest thing to <s>the modern views of western society</s> Inquisitors giving a crap about ordinary people, as shown in a small story one of them used a cadre of Xenos Hunters composed of Space Marines from dubious chapters ([[Black Dragons]], [[Flame Falcons]], etc) to simultaneously stop a [[Necron]] incursion and topple an oppressive planetary government with the hope something better will go out of the consecutive population uprising.
*{{anchor|Revivificationism}}'''Revivificationism''': Essentially the radical form of Thorianism, Revivificators believe in studying the effects of death and dying so that they can reverse the process and revive the Emperor of Mankind. Revivificators have a deep interest in studying the Eldar as a result, and have less ties to the Ecclesiarchy.
*{{anchor|Xanthism}}'''Xanthism''': The most overt and well known form of Radicalism, Xanthians (named after Lord Inquisitor Zaranchek Xanthus, executed for heresy in M32) believe that using Chaotic artifacts such as possessed swords and Daemonhosts are viable weapons against the Archenemy which should be used whenever possible. They hold that only by controlling the power of Chaos can Chaos be defeated. Eisenhorn eventually followed Xanthism after being forced to use Cherubael to save the lives of his retinue. (Most of the time, this ends up spectacularly backfiring when their tools rebel at the worst possible time- or worse, corrupt them into the service of Chaos. The Ruinous Powers hate each other, but they aren't always complete idiots about it, and when you play with fire, you only have to drop it once to set the whole house ablaze.)
**{{anchor|Phaenonism}}'''Phaenonism''': A splinter group of Xanthism, considered extreme even by other Radicals. Their dabbling with tech-heresy alongside the traditional Xanthite methods led them to openly deny the Emperor's divinity and embrace the powers of the Warp, seeking to rebuild the Imperium in their own image. Despite being declared Excommunicate Traitoris, there are still some Phaenonites in the Inquisition, although they have taken great caution to conceal their allegiances from their fellow Inquisitors.
*{{anchor|Libricars}}'''Libricars''': An extreme version of Amalthianism that insists that even the smallest deviations from the status quo warrants purging. Unlike the Amalthians, they will do absolutely ''anything'' to ensure the status quo. Needless to say, the Recongregators hate them.
*{{anchor|Oblationists}}'''Oblationists''': Bizarro Monodominants that insist that the truly righteous (i.e. themselves) must allow themselves to be damned through the use of the Warp, the xenos, and the unclean to keep humanity safe. At the same time they believe that anyone else using these things will be hopelessly damned and ought to be purged. The hypocrisy of this is lost on them.
*{{anchor|Ocularians}}'''Ocularians''': A minor faction obsessed with learning how to predict and divine the future, no matter the cost of doing so.
**{{anchor|Antiquarti}}'''Antiquarti''': A subgroup of Ocularians that seek to predict the future by discovering patterns within events in the past. That wouldn't be hard if anyone allowed them to see the few books on the past, since no one teaches history in the grimdark future.
*{{anchor|Polypsykana}}'''Polypsykana''': A group that believes humanity is evolving into a fully psychic race (which appears to be true) and that it is a good idea for them to do everything they can to accelerate this process (which is clearly arguable). They do this by trying to protect nascent psykers from their Puritan colleagues, though they have also been known to harbor witches and other rogue psykers as well.
*{{anchor|Seculos Attendous}}'''Seculos Attendous''': A minor faction that views the [[Ecclesiarchy]] as an obstacle to mankind's progress and seeks to weaken it wherever they can. They're probably the only group of people in the Imperium who have realized that fact. A shame that they can't agree on what to replace it with on the absurdly tiny chance they succeed.
*{{anchor|Casophilians}}'''Casophilians''': Another branch of Thorianism interested in learning how to summon a deceased soul back to the Materium in the hope that doing so could be the first step to resurrecting the Emperor. (In practice, this would probably resemble a form of "reverse daemon summoning".) Relatively conservative by Radical standards, they are one of the few factions that can be considered open to new ideas and are known to work especially well with the Anomolian Beholders.
*{{anchor|Xeno Hybris}}'''Xeno Hybris''': A small group which sees strict anti-alien policies as being counter-productive to the Imperium of Man. They feel that sometimes Xenos can be useful or be learned from, especially when working against chaos. Many inquisitors of the Ordo Malleus in particular will do this to deal with the forces of chaos every now and again, but the Xeno Hybris makes seeking said cooperation their hat. At the very least, these guys are not tempting fate to the same extent by as other Radicals since their toys are much less likely to eat their souls. Even so, this position would most likely be more popular if the aliens the Imperium deals with on a regular basis were less of a bunch of dicks themselves or consists of [[Slaugth|Humanoid Maggots]] and other horrors that not even the Tau will try to convince to join the Greater Good.

==Song==
([http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUMkcBctE7c tune])

The eye that sleepth not.

The Inquisition (Let's begin)

The Inquisition (Look out, sin)

We have a mission

To kill all the Xenos (Xenos, Xe-e-nos)

We're gonna teach them (Wrong from right)

We're gonna help them (See the light)

And make an offer that they can't refuse.

(That the Xenos just can't refuse)

Confess, don't be boring

Say yes, don't be dull

A fact you're ignoring

It's better to lose your schlicktau than your skull (Or your gavalt)

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

But the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay

The Inquisition (Oh boy)

The Inquisition (What joy)

The Inquisition (Oi oi)

I was posting down in /tg/, I was minding my own business

I was about to post some Loli Daemonette.

Then these Ordos Hereticus plunge in

And they throw me in a dungeon

And they shoved a revved up chainsword up my ass.

Is that considerate?

Is that polite?

And not a tube of Preparation H in sight.

I'm sittin' flickin' daemons

And I'm lookin' through the thickens

When suddenly these guys break down my walls.

I didn't even know them

And they grabbed me by the scrotum

And they started playing Ping Pong with my balls

Oh, the agony!

Ooh, the shame!

To make my privates public by a game!

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

But the Inquisition's here and it's here to-

Hey, Eisenhorn!

What do you say?

I just got back from the autos-du-fe,

Autos-du-fe? What's the autos-du-fe?

It's what you oughtn't to do but you do anyway!

Skit scat doodlebac doodle be bay

Will you convert?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you confess?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you revert?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you say YES?

NO NO NO NO!

Now I asked in a nice way

I said pretty please

I bent their ears

Now I'll work on the knees

Hey Eisenhorn

Walk this way

We got a new game you might want to play!

Pull this handle, try your luck

Who knows, Eis, you might win a buck! (All right)

Put it in the ship.

(In the ship In the ship!)

How we doing? Any Heretics repent today?

Not a one! Nay Nay Nay!

We've flattened their fingers,

We've branded their buns.

Nothing is working!

SEND IN THE NUNS WITH GUNS

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

So come on all you Heretics and you Xenos

We got some big news for all of yous

You'd better change your point of views today

'Cause the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!

(bet you weren't expecting that song, either!)

==See Also==
*[[Daemonhunters]]
*[[Witch Hunters]]
*[[Spanish Inquisition|Their completely serious historical predecessors]]
*[[Alienhunters]]
*[[Zombiehunters]]
*[[Ordo Sicarius]]
*[[Ordo Chronos]]
*[[Dark Heresy]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Inquisition(7E)|Tactics/Inquisition]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isw7nLOdYXM A video showing one of the more feared inquisitors]

{{Template:Inquisition}}
{{Template:Imperium}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Inquisition]]

Inquisition

2016-10-23T19:41:56Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* History */

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nf_Y4MbUCLY '''NOBODY EXPECTS THE IMPERIAL INQUISITION!''']
 - ''Lord Inquisitor Ximénez''

''It does not follow that because the devil has been given power over someone on account of his sins, that power must come to an end on the cessation of the sin.''
[[File:Inquisitorial_Symbol.png|thumb|100px|right|The official seal and symbol of the Inquisition. Variations exist.]]
- Malleus Maleficarum

Also known as the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]]'s pet psychopaths - at least according to [[Commissar]] [[Ciaphas Cain|Cain]]. Strange how he gets away with this [[heresy]]. (It was because the Inquisitor writing it was his lover, he was probably dead when it was published and she probably agreed with him on the matter in regards to many of her colleagues.)

MP jokes aside, the Holy Orders of the Officio Inquisitorus, or just Inquisition, are the "secret" police and internal investigators of the [[Imperium of Man]], the eponymous hunters of the alien, the mutant and the heretic. The inquisition is a semi-omnipotent organization that has authority over every other organization and watch every single life in the Imperium for the slightest signs of heresy 1984-Big Brother style. On the plus side, though, literally ANYONE can become an inquisitor if they really impress and win all their FOR THE EMPRAH rolls; really, even hab worker #343332791984. The Emperor and his guards are the only people in the Imperium beyond their jurisdiction; even the High Lords can be (and were) subject to Inquisitorial investigation. Plus they're FUCKING ASSHOLES! (Most of them, but there are a couple that are sympathetic. Key word being COUPLE.)

==History==
[[Image:Inquisitors.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Bet you weren't expecting that.]]

So when it became obvious that the Emperor's plan to starve the [[Chaos Gods]] with [[Imperial Truth|atheism]] was a failure due to the [[Horus Heresy]], the Big E ordered [[Malcador the Sigillite]] with the formation of the Inquisition. Charged with finding "men of character" to seek out the [[heresy|heretic]], the [[xenos|xeno]], the [[daemon]], and the unexpecting, the Inquisition serves as the secret protectors (or murderers) of the [[Imperium of Man]], guarding it from those who would destroy it from within, from without, and from [[Warp|beyond]].

The Inquisition began with the [[Knights-Errant]], a group of proto-Grey Knights drafted from Loyalist Space Marines (including those formerly from Legions that had turned traitor) that were active during the Heresy, forming the beginnings of the Ordo Malleus (the Ordo Malleus wouldn't form proper until the Inquisition also made the Ordo Xenos). Over time, the other ordos were added; the Ordo Xenos after the [[War of the Beast]] (partly to manage the brand new [[Deathwatch]]), the Ordo Sicarius after [[The Beheading]], and the Ordo Hereticus after the [[Age of Apostasy]], and so on. Over time, the Inquistion's overall mission became less about fighting the machinations of Chaos so much as preserving the status quo as much as possible, as deviance was to be interpreted as disloyalty, and therefore, Heresy.

As part of their duties, [[Inquisitor]]s have damn near unlimited power, up to and including [[Exterminatus|the destruction of worlds]]. If they have good cause, they can demand service from anyone, from lowly citizens to the [[High Lords of Terra]]. The only people officially exempt from this are the [[Adeptus Custodes]], who can legitimately say they have a more important job in guarding the Emperor on the Golden Throne. In practice, though, Inquisitors tend to at least say "please" and "thank you" when they require service from the more powerful Imperial organizations, especially [[Space Marines]], since they tend to get turfy about taking orders from any non-Space Marine save the Emprah. Those who don't tread lightly tend to get a close encounter with a [[chainsword]].

"''Innocence proves nothing.''"

Inquisitorial motto

==On the Tabletop==

In the past, the Inquisition was represented by three different armies, that being the [[Daemonhunters]], [[Witchhunters]], and <s>[[Alienhunters]]</s> Okay that last one doesn't have any genuine tabletop representation. However, these armies ended up being split apart, with their chambers militant effectively becoming independent armies with their own codices as the [[Grey Knights]] and [[Sisters of Battle]], and [[Deathwatch]] respectively (the Deathwatch outright leaving the Inquisition). The disadvantage to this move was that these new armies suffered from a lack of unit choices, especially the Sisters of Battle, who lack the variety in vehicle and infantry support normally enjoyed by other factions such as the Space Marines. Realistically, unless you're up against an equally under-equipped enemy, allying up with another force is practically a necessity. As for the Inquisitors themselves, you could still field them, but only as an allied detachment to a mainline army, such as the Imperial Guard. They do have a few unique units like [[Jokaero]] and [[Crusaders]], but without some cheap units to help screen the enemy you'll end up with an expensive and easily outnumbered army. However, they do come with a number of transports (including the nominally [[Space Marine]]-only [[Land Raider]]), which can be a boon to armies lack in vehicle options. Besides, fluff-wise an Inquisitor would normally want plenty of meat-shields to do the shooting for them anyways.

== Organization ==

[[File:PPI.jpg|thumb|right|300px|[[Heresy]], [[chaos]], and [[xenos]]. These were the most dangerous threats to the [[Imperium]] that were foreseen, but the [[Emprah]] of Mankind suddenly foresaw something more threatening than the three: EXTRA HERESY. Thus, the Inquisition was born! Using their ultra abusive authority, the [[Ordo Malleus]], [[Ordo Hereticus|Hereticus]], and [[Ordo Xenos|Xenos]] have dedicated their lives to defending the Imperium, and killing the enemies of the Emprah!]]

The Inquisition is unique among Imperial departments in that it has no formal definition of a hierarchy or structure. However, [[Inquisitor]]s with common interests tend to band together to tackle issues too large for a single Inquisitor, and over time, these coalitions have coalesced into bodies called ''Ordos'' which specialize in handling a particular class of threat to the Imperium. Inquisitors will also form looser, smaller groups called ''conclaves'' to handle specific threats -- for example, a single [[Tyranid]] invasion, or threats pertaining to a particular planet. Conclaves usually include members of a single Ordo, but there's no rule against having multiple Ordos represented, and some Inquisitors actively form conclaves with experts in diverse fields.

There are three ''Ordos Majoris'' in the Inquisition:

*[[Daemonhunters|Ordo Malleus]] - They are guys who hunt [[daemon|daemons.]] This branch works with the [[Grey Knights]].
*[[Witch Hunters|Ordo Hereticus]] - Guys who like to hunt [[wizard|witches]], [[heresy|heretics]] and [[furry|mutants]]. This branch works with the [[Sisters of Battle]].
*And the [[Alienhunters|Ordo Xenos]] - The guys who fight aliens. All the time. This branch occasionally works with the [[Deathwatch]].

Several ''Ordos Minoris'' exist as well, although their exact number is uncertain (especially because an Ordo is only as big as the number of Inquisitors who care about its particular issue -- the factor that separates the major Ordos from the minor ones is that there are always plenty of daemons, heretics, and xenos to go around, while other threats rise and fall in prominence). The best-known (relatively speaking) are as follows:

*Ordo Aegis- They help with keeping the Cadian Gate secure.
*Ordo Astartes- They try to keep some degree of control over the [[Space Marines]], with "try" being the operative word. Some recent breakthroughs have been made with the introduction of [[Vindicare|Ork Sharpshooters]] and [[Minotaurs|dickery]].
*Ordo Astra- They keep stellar maps up to date.
*Ordo Barbarus- They watch over pre-industrial worlds to make sure Chaos cults can't spring up on them.
*[[Ordo Chronos]] - They specialize in the possibility of time travel (particularly because time in the Warp doesn't flow normally), and they sought to deal with temporal anomalies, such as a ship reaching its destination before it actually left its starting point. Unfortunately for them, they just up and vanished without a trace. Nobody knows where they went and as a result this Ordo has been essentially forgotten by the rest of the Inquisition.
*Ordo Custodum- They make sure Holy Terra stays secure and devoid of heretics.
*Ordo Desolatus- Purpose unknown. For some odd reason it only has one member.
*Ordo Excorium- They make sure nobody tries to call in an [[Exterminatus]] without having a good reason for it first. The Imperium could probably use more of them, seeing as Exterminatus seem to happen all the time for things that could probably have been resolved in other ways. They are doing their job since by official statistics, over 90% of Inquisitors who declared a single Exterminatus were stripped of their rank and declared heretics for this exact reason. But they really need to put some effort to prevent such kind of behavior. Print some guidelines or something.
*Ordo Machinum - They ensure that the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] properly integrate STC variants (and the occasional piece of xenos tech) into Imperial technology while also trying to keep their hoarding tendencies to an acceptable level.
*Ordo Militarum - Their role is to ensure that the Imperial armed forces remain loyal. The [[Commissar]]iat is their child organization.
*Ordo Necros- Nobody's entirely sure what they do, but since they apparently needed an entire Ordo to supervise them (The Ordo Vigilus), it must be really important. Something to do with the [[Necron]]s, maybe? (Looking after the [[C'tan|Void Dragon]]?) Something to do with a nature of death and the afterlife? In any case, someone was and is really fucking worried about them and whatever the hell they're doing.
*Ordo Originatus- They act as the Inquisition's historians, attempting to sift through ten thousand years' worth of myths and legends for the few grains of truth that remain.
*Ordo Obsoletus- only mentioned in the fluff a few times, the Inquisitions official department of What The Fuck just happened here? Tends to chase up inexplicable events like the Legion of the Damned turning up. Basically the 40th millennium's X-Files. Tend to be suspicious about miracles.
*Ordo Redactus- The Inquisition's equivalent of the Ministry of Truth, which makes sure that the secrets of the Inquisition's past stay secret. Naturally, this can be quite a problem for the Ordo Originatus if the two don't work together.
*Ordo Thanatos - Unknown purpose. Considering though they are named after the Greek word for death, it points to their purpose having some relation to death, perhaps investigating means of immortality?
*Ordo Sanctorum- This branch keeps a close eye on the [[Ecclesiarchy]] so a second Reign of Blood doesn't occur.
*Ordo Scriptorum- Like a grimdark version of the NSA, they examine and investigate written records and communications and try to cut through the Administratum's red tape when doing so would keep the Imperium safe and secure. Occasionally referred to as the Ordo ISO 9000.
*Ordo Scriptus- Oversees official historical records on Terra. Since they only have 6 (Inquisitorial) members, they most likely make use of great amounts of administratum resources, and even then they are constantly and horribly out of date.
*Ordo Senatorum- Unknown purpose. Perhaps it has something to do with the [[High Lords of Terra|Senatorum Imperialis]] and their staff?
*[[Ordo Sicarius]] - They watch over the [[Officio Assassinorum]] to make sure that they don't try to repeat [[The Beheading]].
*[[Zombiehunters|Ordo Sepulturum]] - They're dedicated to fighting plagues and diseases, but mainly the Zombie Plague and the zombies that result.
*Ordo Vigilus - their purpose is to keep an eye on the Ordo Necros. Someone must have been really concerned by Necros to make an Ordo for the sole sake of keeping an eye on an Ordo.

And nice red uniforms OH DAMN.

Most of the Ordos are very straightforward, doing jobs that are necessary to keep the Imperium running and acting as checks and balances to other powerful organizations in the Imperium, making sure at least most of the various factions play nice while they're around to do important things.

(More or less how they act on /tg/ - [[Media:I.png]]

==Hierarchy==
[[Dark Heresy]] gives us a look at the inner workings of the Inquisition in how they operate and recruit people. Many of them come from nearly every other organization of the Imperium, with a few criminals and death cultists thrown in.

*Acolyte - these are the guys who get recruited (or press-ganged) into the Inquisition's service, for the long term that is. While an Inquisitor can commandeer anyone they need for a particular mission, these agents officially belong to the Inquisition and have received training for their part in the organization. Reasons for recruitment can vary between a person's skills being seen as valuable, to the person in question has seen too much but can be put to use instead of purged, or if the person in question is simply expendable. Acolytes are often servants or meatshields for inquisitors, but if a particular agent shows a high degree of resourcefulness, they may be selected for becoming an inquisitor's personal retinue.
*Throne Agent - An Inquisitor's trusted aides, they tend to be more experienced than acolytes and aid in investigations. Throne Agents who are especially talented with a history of success may be recommended to become Inquisitors themselves.
*Explicator - Apprentice Inquisitors, they train directly under an Inquisitor on how to investigate.
*Interrogator - Inquisitors in training sent out into the field. They have their own rosettes and can order people around, but still lack the authority to perform independently. Once they have enough field and leadership experience they get promoted by the approval of three Inquisitors or one Inquisitor Lord.
*Inquisitor - the full monty. These are the guys who get to root out Heresy, order Exterminatus, rope entire armies into service, and so forth.
*Inquisitor Lord - Not a rank per se, rather a title that recognizes the power and influence of an individual inquisitor. Invitation-only and requires the agreement of three existing Inquisitor Lords. They tend to be the oversees of a particular conclave.
*Master - One of, if not the Head Honcho for a sub-sector.
*Grandmaster - Like the master, but for an entire sector.
*Inquisitorial Representative - The elected representative to the [[High Lords]].

==Philosophies==

The Inquisition is a big and complicated place, and many have different philosophies on how to protect the Imperium and stop [[Chaos]]. While there are dozens of doctrinal and philosophical disputes, the two important branches are either Puritans or Radicals. Both are fucked up assholes.

===Puritans===
Puritans, simply put, are those who refuse to employ the measures of the enemy, such as xenotech or the Warp. Most Inquisitors start out as Puritans or on the spectrum of Puritanicalism, but a number of them fall into Radicalism eventually (which can be classed as lesser heresy in its most extreme forms). Puritanism can fall among three major philosophies:

*{{anchor|Amalathianism}}'''Amalathianism''': The most conservative form of Puritanism in the Inquisition, Amalathians (named after Mount Amalath, where its tenets were first set down at an Inquisitorial conclave) believe that the Emperor has some sort of divine plan for the Imperium, and the Inquisitions purpose is to protect the Imperium as that plan becomes visible. Change is considered the greatest enemy (which may have [[Tzeentch|some sense to it]]), with the exception that they seek to overcome the factionalism so common within the [[Adeptus Terra]]. The irony that the Amalathians are themselves technically a faction is not lost on them. You'd think that a group which holds the Imperium at present is perfect would be off its rocker, but they're actually a fairly reasonable group who prefer to [[/tg/ gets shit done|get shit done]] rather than bicker and bitch over territorial disputes. [[Gregor Eisenhorn]] was once a staunch Amalathian, but he eventually fell into Radicalism in his later years.
*{{anchor|Monodominant}}'''Monodominant''': The most extreme form of Puritianism in the Inquisition, Monodominants are basically [[Humanity Fuck Yeah]] taken to its illogical extreme. They believe that humanity, and ''only'' humanity, should be allowed to continue to exist. Given that the average inhabitants of the galaxy are [[Eldar|space pansies who would abandon you in a heartbeat]], [[Dark Eldar|space pansies who would torture and rape you in a heartbeat]], [[Ork|green hooligans who would fight and kill you in a heartbeat]], [[Tyranid|giant spacebugs who would eat you in a heartbeat]], [[Necron|undead robots who would atomize you in a clock tick]] and [[Chaos|things much worse]], this is [[Grimdark|an understandable worldview]]. Unfortunately, the Monodominants take things a few steps further, wanting to eliminate all [[mutant]]s, including the [[Psyker]]s ([[Astropath]]s and [[Navigator]]s) that humanity needs to keep functioning, as well even [[Space Marines]]. 
*{{anchor|Thorianism}}'''Thorianism''': The most radical form of Puritanism, Thorians are named after [[Sebastian Thor]], the hero of the [[Age of Apostasy]], and believe that Thor held part of the power of the Emperor within him. The Thorians thus believe that it is possible to reincarnate the Emperor of Mankind into a new body, allowing him to rebuild the Imperium and launch a new [[Great Crusade]]. As a result, Thorians closely study the nature of the human consciousness and the Warp, while also keeping a close eye on individuals that show enough power to be potential hosts for the Emperor's soul (such as Living Saints). They are extremely close to the [[Ecclesiarchy]]. 
**{{anchor|Anomolian Beholders}}'''Anomolian Beholders''': A conservative branch of Thorianism which takes a more passive approach to the resurrectionist ideology; they are more content with observing humanity for signs of the God-Emperor's return than actively trying to bring him back. 
**{{anchor|Ardentites}}'''Ardentites''': A variation of Thorian belief that claims the power of the Emperor was dispersed throughout humanity as a whole rather than being concentrated in any one individual. Derisively referred to as "miracle chasers" by the rest of the Inquisition for their many failed attempts at proving their beliefs.

===Radicals===
''Salvation comes with a cost. Judge us not by our methods, but what we seek to accomplish.'' 
-Inquisitor "The Illusive" Cerberus

Radicals are those Inquisitors who believe in fighting fire with fire--specifically, using the weapons of the enemy against the enemy. According to [[Gideon Ravenor]], Radicalism is an inevitable product of an Inquisitor's ideology being tested, as the more one learns about the nature of the enemy, the more they realize that the enemy has a lot better toys than the Imperium. However, given that most Inquisitors will face Chaos at some point, and given the inherently corrupting nature of the Warp, Radicalism may lead to one hoping to fight the Archenemy with its own tools before brought into the service of the Chaos Gods instead; consequently, an accusation of Radicalism is only slightly less serious than an accusation of outright heresy. Radicalism can fall into a lot more branches than Puritanism, and the following is merely a list of the most common forms it can take:

*{{anchor|Horusians}}'''Horusians''': One of the most dangerous forms of radicalism, Horusians (named after [[Horus|Horus Lupercal]]) believe that power the Chaos Gods imbued Horus with to fight the Emperor can be used to create a new body for the Emperor. Mostly consists of older Inquisitors who have become angry with the other resurrection theories failing to get shit done.
*{{anchor|Istvaanism}}'''Istvaanism''': One of the most violent forms of Radicalism, Istvaanians (named for the virus-bombing of Istvaan III, which began the Horus Heresy) believe that conflict is desirable, and mankind only grows in a state of violence (while it is said that "necessity is the mother of invention", the culture in 40k minimizes technological advancements). In practice, this leads to various conflicts that would otherwise remain minor suddenly becoming unmanageable because an Istvaanite was covertly funneling resources to one or both sides. Possibly the only group in the galaxy who views the Imperium's biggest problem as too ''few'' wars.
*{{anchor|Recongregationism}}'''Recongregationism''': Radicals who believe that the Imperium has become stagnant and corrupt, and needs to be rebuilt lest it collapse further. Unfortunately for them, they aren't entirely sure about how to do this, or how it should be rebuilt after tearing down the old order. Some of the more extreme Recongregators end up like Lilean Chase, an Inquisitor who fell to Chaos and founded the Cognitae (or at least its ''40K'' incarnation), arguably these inquisitors may be the closest thing to <s>the modern views of western society</s> Inquisitors giving a crap about ordinary people, as shown in a small story one of them used a cadre of Xenos Hunters composed of Space Marines from dubious chapters ([[Black Dragons]], [[Flame Falcons]], etc) to simultaneously stop a [[Necron]] incursion and topple an oppressive planetary government with the hope something better will go out of the consecutive population uprising.
*{{anchor|Revivificationism}}'''Revivificationism''': Essentially the radical form of Thorianism, Revivificators believe in studying the effects of death and dying so that they can reverse the process and revive the Emperor of Mankind. Revivificators have a deep interest in studying the Eldar as a result, and have less ties to the Ecclesiarchy.
*{{anchor|Xanthism}}'''Xanthism''': The most overt and well known form of Radicalism, Xanthians (named after Lord Inquisitor Zaranchek Xanthus, executed for heresy in M32) believe that using Chaotic artifacts such as possessed swords and Daemonhosts are viable weapons against the Archenemy which should be used whenever possible. They hold that only by controlling the power of Chaos can Chaos be defeated. Eisenhorn eventually followed Xanthism after being forced to use Cherubael to save the lives of his retinue. (Most of the time, this ends up spectacularly backfiring when their tools rebel at the worst possible time- or worse, corrupt them into the service of Chaos. The Ruinous Powers hate each other, but they aren't always complete idiots about it, and when you play with fire, you only have to drop it once to set the whole house ablaze.)
**{{anchor|Phaenonism}}'''Phaenonism''': A splinter group of Xanthism, considered extreme even by other Radicals. Their dabbling with tech-heresy alongside the traditional Xanthite methods led them to openly deny the Emperor's divinity and embrace the powers of the Warp, seeking to rebuild the Imperium in their own image. Despite being declared Excommunicate Traitoris, there are still some Phaenonites in the Inquisition, although they have taken great caution to conceal their allegiances from their fellow Inquisitors.
*{{anchor|Libricars}}'''Libricars''': An extreme version of Amalthianism that insists that even the smallest deviations from the status quo warrants purging. Unlike the Amalthians, they will do absolutely ''anything'' to ensure the status quo. Needless to say, the Recongregators hate them.
*{{anchor|Oblationists}}'''Oblationists''': Bizarro Monodominants that insist that the truly righteous (i.e. themselves) must allow themselves to be damned through the use of the Warp, the xenos, and the unclean to keep humanity safe. At the same time they believe that anyone else using these things will be hopelessly damned and ought to be purged. The hypocrisy of this is lost on them.
*{{anchor|Ocularians}}'''Ocularians''': A minor faction obsessed with learning how to predict and divine the future, no matter the cost of doing so.
**{{anchor|Antiquarti}}'''Antiquarti''': A subgroup of Ocularians that seek to predict the future by discovering patterns within events in the past. That wouldn't be hard if anyone allowed them to see the few books on the past, since no one teaches history in the grimdark future.
*{{anchor|Polypsykana}}'''Polypsykana''': A group that believes humanity is evolving into a fully psychic race (which appears to be true) and that it is a good idea for them to do everything they can to accelerate this process (which is clearly arguable). They do this by trying to protect nascent psykers from their Puritan colleagues, though they have also been known to harbor witches and other rogue psykers as well.
*{{anchor|Seculos Attendous}}'''Seculos Attendous''': A minor faction that views the [[Ecclesiarchy]] as an obstacle to mankind's progress and seeks to weaken it wherever they can. They're probably the only group of people in the Imperium who have realized that fact. A shame that they can't agree on what to replace it with on the absurdly tiny chance they succeed.
*{{anchor|Casophilians}}'''Casophilians''': Another branch of Thorianism interested in learning how to summon a deceased soul back to the Materium in the hope that doing so could be the first step to resurrecting the Emperor. (In practice, this would probably resemble a form of "reverse daemon summoning".) Relatively conservative by Radical standards, they are one of the few factions that can be considered open to new ideas and are known to work especially well with the Anomolian Beholders.
*{{anchor|Xeno Hybris}}'''Xeno Hybris''': A small group which sees strict anti-alien policies as being counter-productive to the Imperium of Man. They feel that sometimes Xenos can be useful or be learned from, especially when working against chaos. Many inquisitors of the Ordo Malleus in particular will do this to deal with the forces of chaos every now and again, but the Xeno Hybris makes seeking said cooperation their hat. At the very least, these guys are not tempting fate to the same extent by as other Radicals since their toys are much less likely to eat their souls. Even so, this position would most likely be more popular if the aliens the Imperium deals with on a regular basis were less of a bunch of dicks themselves or consists of [[Slaugth|Humanoid Maggots]] and other horrors that not even the Tau will try to convince to join the Greater Good.

==Song==
([http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUMkcBctE7c tune])

The eye that sleepth not.

The Inquisition (Let's begin)

The Inquisition (Look out, sin)

We have a mission

To kill all the Xenos (Xenos, Xe-e-nos)

We're gonna teach them (Wrong from right)

We're gonna help them (See the light)

And make an offer that they can't refuse.

(That the Xenos just can't refuse)

Confess, don't be boring

Say yes, don't be dull

A fact you're ignoring

It's better to lose your schlicktau than your skull (Or your gavalt)

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

But the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay

The Inquisition (Oh boy)

The Inquisition (What joy)

The Inquisition (Oi oi)

I was posting down in /tg/, I was minding my own business

I was about to post some Loli Daemonette.

Then these Ordos Hereticus plunge in

And they throw me in a dungeon

And they shoved a revved up chainsword up my ass.

Is that considerate?

Is that polite?

And not a tube of Preparation H in sight.

I'm sittin' flickin' daemons

And I'm lookin' through the thickens

When suddenly these guys break down my walls.

I didn't even know them

And they grabbed me by the scrotum

And they started playing Ping Pong with my balls

Oh, the agony!

Ooh, the shame!

To make my privates public by a game!

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

But the Inquisition's here and it's here to-

Hey, Eisenhorn!

What do you say?

I just got back from the autos-du-fe,

Autos-du-fe? What's the autos-du-fe?

It's what you oughtn't to do but you do anyway!

Skit scat doodlebac doodle be bay

Will you convert?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you confess?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you revert?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you say YES?

NO NO NO NO!

Now I asked in a nice way

I said pretty please

I bent their ears

Now I'll work on the knees

Hey Eisenhorn

Walk this way

We got a new game you might want to play!

Pull this handle, try your luck

Who knows, Eis, you might win a buck! (All right)

Put it in the ship.

(In the ship In the ship!)

How we doing? Any Heretics repent today?

Not a one! Nay Nay Nay!

We've flattened their fingers,

We've branded their buns.

Nothing is working!

SEND IN THE NUNS WITH GUNS

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

So come on all you Heretics and you Xenos

We got some big news for all of yous

You'd better change your point of views today

'Cause the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!

(bet you weren't expecting that song, either!)

==See Also==
*[[Daemonhunters]]
*[[Witch Hunters]]
*[[Spanish Inquisition|Their completely serious historical predecessors]]
*[[Alienhunters]]
*[[Zombiehunters]]
*[[Ordo Sicarius]]
*[[Ordo Chronos]]
*[[Dark Heresy]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Inquisition(7E)|Tactics/Inquisition]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isw7nLOdYXM A video showing one of the more feared inquisitors]

{{Template:Inquisition}}
{{Template:Imperium}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Inquisition]]

Doom

2016-10-20T03:34:03Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A:

The granddaddy of the first person shooter, the original ass-kicking demon-slaying 3d slaughterfest, ''Doom'' is a franchise that demands respect even in the hallowed halls of /tg/.

Minimalistic in plot, Doom is easy to grasp; you are a Space Marine (no, not the 40K guy, a jumped-up soldier who is sent to fight on other planets, so closer to the [[Imperial Guard]]) stationed on Mars. Somehow, demons break through into our reality and slaughter everyone else on the planet. Your job? Fight your way to where, you hope, there's a ride off of this rock, and make bloody mincemeat out of everything standing between you and salvation. Standing in your way are armies of zombified fellow marines and eggheads, fireball-tossing imps, hulking flesh-eating demons, cyborg-demon monstrosities, and various other hell-spawned nasties who want to kill you horribly. Good luck. You'll need it...

Although not the very ''first'' of the FPS genre (that goes to its predecessor, [[Wolfenstein]] 3D), Doom was definitive to the genre, so much so that "Doom Clone" was the standard nickname for many years afterwards. And, for the time, it was incredibly dark and gory. To put it in perspective, there's still people playing it and hacking around with the source codes for it to make funner games to play - there's even a [[monstergirls]] modhack being churned out, complete with hand-drawn artscenes and a complete revision from "kill the demons" to "fuck the demons into submission". Hell, Final Doom is a compilation of maps made by two out-of-company designers made just because they could in the 90's!

According to the latest iteration of Doom, the Doom Marine has been tearing up demons from not just one, but ''multiple'' realities, becoming a literal boogieman for the forces of Hell. In that case, the [[Chaos Gods]] better hope that Doomguy never finds his way into their reality, or else they'll quickly learn the true meaning of [[Rip and Tear]].

==Adaptations==
===Vidya===
The original Doom was fast-paced and bloody, but not afraid to take breaks for scares, either; there's some really creepy levels in there. Doom II, meanwhile, was even faster-paced, a circle-strafing explosion-rich gorefest that defined the game and the FPS genre in the eyes of its fandom. Plot was bare-minimum: Demons took over Phobos and ate Deimos, kill them all. Or, in Doom 2's case, Demons are trying to infest Earth in revenge, kill them all AGAIN. But this time, ''it's personal''. (No, seriously, they killed your pet bunny Daisy.) There were some other adaptations, an N64 port that played up the scary and Final Doom for the PS1 which had a bunch of fan maps being the most significant of them.

In the early 2000s, Doom 3 came along, following in the example of Doom 64 (the little-remembered N64 port) as a slower-paced, creepy, almost Survival Horror themed game. The plot tries to be a bit deeper, with this prophecy about an alien weapon capable of killing the denizens of Hell once said denizens break out of a UAC portal. There was an expansion pack/semi-sequel in "Resurrection of Evil" that follows up a bit later with an unethical scientist [[Heresy|trying to get his hands on an unholy artifact]] while the new PC tries to keep it out of Hell's hands. Altogether, Doom 3's not a bad game, but it's not the same action-packed thriller that people were expecting after Doom II, wasn't nearly as mod friendly, and Doom eventually went back into obscurity.

Then the latest Doom came out in May 2016. This rendition can basically be described as "3d Brutal Doom II" only sexier, with features like [[Rip and tear|ripping enemies apart with your bare hands]] and having to stay on the move to avoid being torn to shreds. The plot is also about as bare minimum as the original, kicking the player straight into the action with waking up on Mars, immediately [[Rip and tear|smashing a zombie’s skull]], and basically being told “demonic invasion, go kill everything.” Also, the player this time around is someone the demons call the “Doom Slayer", who has traveled through “Worlds and Time” (hinting that this Doomguy could very well be the original Doomguy from the first two games, having also survived Doom 64 and has been traveling Hell since), and millennia ago [[Awesome|kicked Hell’s ass so hard that the best the demons could do is seal him away so that he wouldn’t destroy Hell]]. Then the UAC decides to deal with an Energy Crisis by quite literally [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|slamming an Oil Derrick on a Hell Portal and siphoning off Hell Energy for power, starts stealing artifacts and treasures from Hell and ended up dick slapping the Demons as they defile an unholy temple and taking the Doom Guy's prison]]. After that the demons saw that the Doomguy’s prison/tomb was empty and the invasion was actually a panicked attempt to stop the Doomguy from being woken up. Either way, demonkind collectively shits itself as the [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SealedEvilInACan Sealed Evil in a Can] (from their perspective) is unleashed to [[Rip and Tear]] once more.

No, seriously, they use "Rip and Tear" in the opening narration.

The original was very mod-friendly in its day, and several mods and fan-games are available for the first two titles. One of the most famous is the [http://www.moddb.com/mods/brutal-doom Brutal Doom] mod, that ads lots of dismemberment and gore to the game, but also a number of gameplay tweaks to give weapons useful trade-offs rather than each being a strict upgrade of the last, and "Glory Kills," melee-based finishers (then known as "fatalities" - yes, there is Sub-Zero's "rip skull along with the spine" finishing move). There is also [http://doom.chaosforge.org/ Doom the Roguelike], which somehow does a very good job of merging the notoriously cerebral and complex gameplay of a roguelike with the fast-paced demon-blasting of ''Doom'' into a surprisingly successful experience. Both included elements that were grafted onto the May 2016 Doom.

===Comic===
The only thing you need to know about it is that it's a masterpiece of absurdity and comedy that only the 90's could make. Sure, it's only one issue that was released back in the days of the first games, but each page of it was just that fucking [[Rip and Tear|'''STUPID''']] that you had to see it to believe it!

[http://www.doomworld.com/10years/doomcomic/ No, really. '''READ IT'''.]

===Board Game===
Yes, there is a Board Game - made by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] no less - giving the vague '/tg/ related' qualifications this site uses.
It was released around the time Doom 3 was released, though it wasn't that remarkable and is pretty hard to find nowadays.

One guy plays the baddies, the other 1-4 players play a band of unfortunate marines. The heroes start with 2-3 powerup cards, and the baddies get 5 cards from his own deck and during the game, he gets to draw more (the rate of which is equal to how many marines there are) and if his deck is empty, he gets to insta-kill one of the Marines. His guys are more varied in their movement but they can only shoot once.

The marines have three options: move 8 spaces without shooting, move 4 spaces and shoot once, or shoot twice without movement. They need to explore the board, find computers and other events as the board provides. The baddies, meanwhile, can either upgrade his monsters or bring more to the board.
Either way, his goal is to score 6 kills on the Marines.

===Movie===
Also (roughly) around the same time as Doom 3 was a movie starring Karl Urban and former WWE superstar Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. It pretty much replaced the whole Hell plot with some genetic experimentation to give people superpowers that inevitably goes awry, and a squad of Marines sent to investigate the mayhem. It wasn't that good, with the only really 'good' scene being this one scene where it's all FPS-style like the original games and has monster killing.

[[Category:Video Games]]

Slaanesh

2016-10-20T01:55:29Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Gallery */

[[File:Slaanesh_mark.png|center]]
[[Image:Slaanesh_by_baklaher-d7dvohn.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Slaanesh...tempting you to join a [[rape|party in which you will never forget...]][[Rule 34|also now in even more NSFW!]]]]

'''''DRUGS FOR THE DRUG GOD! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! — The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in'''''

''“To be loved, feelings must be rationed. To love, the doors of hysteria, fantasy, and madness may be flung open.”''
 -Anton LaVey

''"Tears gratify a savage nature, they do not melt it."'' 
-Publilius Syrus
{{Promotions}}
{{heresy}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|thumb|500px|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated.]Wait, one whip is held in the hand and the other is held in the...]]
Behold '''Slaanesh''', Chaos God of [[/d/|perversion]], [[Extra Heresy|shamelessness]], [[Furry|excess]] and [[Rebecca Black|the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever]]. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting [[heresy]] of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and his/her [[daemonette]]s.

Slaanesh was born <s>in the 1800s, when [[Tzeentch]] tricked major film producers to establish a colony in the anarchistic frontiers of California where they could practice their most lecherous vices</s> at the fall of the [[Eldar]], when all their torture, [[rape]], S&M, bondage, decadence, eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the [[Eye of Terror]], killing the majority of their race. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding exodites, who's soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit). That is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into [[Exterminatus|exterminating]] each other just to save one of their own. The [[Dark Eldar]] takes this up to eleven by sacrificing other souls to Slaanesh so that they don't get eaten. [[Khorne]] hates Slaanesh because s/he's a prissy faggot, but Slaanesh doesn't care about Khorne, or any of the other Chaos Gods, until s/he's done playing with his/her/them/it(lets go with it)self, which is about 1 nanosecond every millennium, so about 13 nanoseconds total so far. Rumors that their relationship is beyond hate and occasional angry sex are just that; Khorne is not telling.

Of course, that paragraph is Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. He/she/it is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the God-Emperor of Mankind and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic in whipping heretics.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While [[fluff]] claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure. Lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, and the likes, are the pleasures his/her/its followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of loving concubines to satiate your desires? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain?

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh were the lord of all ''pleasure'' then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron does anything simply because to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle").

Even [[Khorne]], her/his/its opposite, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in [[Just as Planned]]. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slannesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the [[fluff]], it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Slaanesh being usually named the "God of Excess" it's more that he/she gains power from OVER-indulging in the small things like sex and eating, which in 40k is actually more rare than people would think. Considering that it's damn hard for anyone to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before a grueling 48 hours of avoiding death in the name of the Emprah in the far corner of some forgotten forge-world, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh on your average imperial world, is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil, bastard.

<s>{{BLAM|'''SLAANESH AND HIS/HER/ITS WORSHIPERS WILL BE YIFFED IN HELL!!!!'''}}</s> ''Awright, which one of you guys let the [[Commissar]] in here?'' '''My bad.''' <s>'''Yiffed in hell, you say? Oh, it sounds so... exciting. Sign me in!'''</s>{{BLAM|''' *BLAM*'''}} That grammar alone was heretical.

==What? Warhammer?==
In the new [[Age of Sigmar]] [[Skub]]storm setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the [[Horned Rat]]. Derp.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpryvDJSGT0 Most likely Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul.]

There is speculation that Slaanesh has been removed as an active part of Age of Sigmar in some attempt by [[Games Workshop]] to make the game more accessible to children. [[Derp|Somehow, they failed to take into account that no game with such a high price of entry is going to be popular among kiddies anyways]]. They may be doing this so parents won't be put off by the game and be willing to buy it for their children and to get past the media watchdogs to make the game more mainstream; but that most likely won't work [[Games Workshop|due to reasons discussed on GW's page here]].

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. According to the fluff available with Slaanesh missing his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh, those who are trying to claim their former masters position (currently this faction is being led by a Keeper of Secrets named Luxcious that wants to become the new god of depravity) and those who have begun worshiping Archaon as the new Slaanesh. This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order, though Archaon is not liking that there are Slaanesh wannabes trying to take his new position. From this development, in addition to Khorne's betrayal during the war with Order and the inclusion of back-stabbing Skaven into the Chaos faction seems to imply that chaos civil wars are on the horizon and Chaos will not be the united front that Order experienced during the end times this time around.

== Followers ==
[[File:Slaanesh Banners.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Slaaneshi banners.]]
Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become [[Chris-Chan|colossal perverts]]; alternatively, he/she/it may attract followers from those who are already colossal perverts, and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. [[Just as planned]].

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and give them everything they could ever want because he/she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of their bitter rivalry. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the ''best'', gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, to [[powergamer|hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be]], or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi. If the thrill lies in just killing people, the pure joy of murder with the skill just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing, even pain. See the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. They also get off on the reactions they get from others- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men.

When things come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being a silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, while Tzeenchian often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in a process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more [[Heresy|literal]] in Slaanesh's case.

Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction, because their domains are too different. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration.

[[File:Slaaneshi Forces.JPG|thumb|right|500px|Slaaneshi forces in his realm.]]
Slaanesh units are:
* '''[[Daemonettes]]''', hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use [[Raging Heroes|proxies]] randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as he/she/it contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
* '''[[Seekers of Slaanesh]]''', Daemonettes mounted upon [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor [[dinosaur]]; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
* '''[[Fiends of Slaanesh]]''', large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
* '''[[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky [[tarpit]] removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least [[Distraction Carnifex|target mitigation]] to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded [[Tau|fire warriors]] or some [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Spearmen]] can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
* '''[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally [[/d/|dripping]] with excitement at being in battle.
* '''[[Warriors of Chaos]]''', not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the [[Warp Gates]] they are, the more like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
* '''[[Beastmen]]''', the rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
* '''[[Keepers Of Secrets]]''', Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, ach is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless lead by a...
* '''[[Daemon Prince]]''', a human (with [[Dechala|one Elf]] as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in his/her service. In 40k, these are always...
* '''[[Chaos Space Marines]]''', the traitor marines of the [[Emperor's Children|third legion]] worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
** '''[[Noise Marines]]''', the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's [[Berserkers]], Nurgle's [[Plague Marines]] or Tzeentch's [[Thousand Sons]]. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using [[Sonic Weaponry]] because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore.
* '''[[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Druchii]]''', the Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Cult Of Pleasure]]. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen [[Morathi]] being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her [[Malekith|son]] and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of [[Khaine]], Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept [[Harpies|her own]] as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of [[Atharti]], [[Hekarti]], and [[Ereth Khial]], three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave who's skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.

== Facts ==
[[File:Nope.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?]]
* Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
* Slaanesh turns all his/her followers into the opposite sex.
* Slaanesh's daemonettes possess men and then jack off.
* Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how his/her/its only representation in the DoW series was the [[Emperor's Children]] paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, he did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones.
**However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still <s>pissed off of not getting enough representation</s> OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while he/she/it only gets a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
* Charlie Sheen is his/her/its first true Daemon Prince.
* Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
* If it exists, [[PROMOTIONS|Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it]].
* Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne, Slaanesh always loses these fights and loses them hard. Tzeentch then gets a dose of lulz out of it. Slaanesh gets to take it hard. [[C.S.Goto| And this pleases him/her/it.]]
* Slaanesh is secretly depressed that he/she/it has no friends. Khorne is a dick, Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is, and Nurgle stole his Eldar goddess.
* Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where s/he was being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods.
* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string him along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
* Khorne regularly cuts off Slaanesh's arms and beats him/her/it over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
* Slaanesh was using steroids when he/she/it killed the Eldar Gods, he/she/it couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs.
** Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
* Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, he/she/it got his/her/its left boob for his/her/its trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six).
* Slaanesh's favourite films;
** Hellraiser: Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, He/she/it took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... <strike>That is, of course, a lie. He actually ripped off Hellraiser.</strike> Hellraiser ripped him/her/it off. There are rumors that Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
** A Serbian Film: Slaanesh's second favorite movie. S/he's already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
** Pink Flamingos: Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's daily journal. It shows parts of Slaanesh's daily life such as bestiality, scat fetishes and vore ([[FATAL|the actors in that scene had sex with each other while crushing a real-life chicken to death between them]]. Fortunately the cannibalism was fake). Slannesh especially enjoyed that the movie quotes him/her directly: ''"Blood does more than turn me on, it makes me cum. And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it. The taste of hot, freshly killed blood... Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth are my politics! Filth is my life! Take whatever you like."'' ([[FATAL|This was an actual line from the movie, the things I do for you people...]]), and that a (now-deceased) drag queen played the main character.
** A Clockwork Orange: One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. He/she/it likes to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. He/she/it also finds the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. '''BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!!''' Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!].
** The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
*** On that note, he appeared as something closer to his true form in the 1985 movie Legend; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbknz3pcfPQ as a unicorn-killing big red devil who gets the hots for a princess].
** Caligula: The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm Mcdowell, who Slaanesh is scouting out as a future Chaos champion.
** Event Horizon: A documentary of how he/she is directly responsible for fucking up humanities first venture into the warp.
* Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
* Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, though arguably just as much (if not more) cock.
* Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
* Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really [[cheese|cheesy]] ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
** Still, he/she/it faps/shlicks/???-PROFIT at this.
* Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
** Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
**Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
** Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
**Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
*Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience.
*Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking. '''{{Blam|DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!}}'''
**Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.]]

== Gallery ==
{{heresy}}
{{promotions}}
<gallery>
Image:Slaaneshi.JPG|Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|That's a real [[commissar]], just look at the [[hat]].
Image:Daemonette02.JPG|DDaemonette
Image:Daemonette01.JPG|It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

Image:Daemonette.JPG
Image:Slaaneshi2.JPG|Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Image:Daemonxmas copy.jpg|Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Image:Lurvemudkipz.JPG|It is possible that some [[pokémon]] are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

Image:Slaaneshi mudkips.JPG|Oh god. ;_;
Image:Slaanesh trainer.jpg|There is no excuse or explanation for this.
Image:Slaaneshijack copy.jpg|This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Image:Irresistible.jpg|Simply Irresistible

Image:Dranon5.jpg|Mr Culexus' interpretation. Notice the bulge in the crotch.
Image:Not_too_abysmal_by_Mr_Culexus.jpg|Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
Image:1271157389405.jpg|What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Image:daemonette_minerva.png|Who else did you think furries worshiped?

Image:Slaanesh_LAWL.jpg|LAWL
Image:Trapmarine.jpg|Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
Image:Trapmarine_BW.jpg|... which may not be so "little".
Image:Daemonette_with_seeker_mount.jpg|She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me.

Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|The more common and usual fate of female Eldar.
Image:Slaanesh cosplay 1 by zk87-d2zo47q.jpg|Now 262.71% more real!
Image:Slaanesh Time.jpg|You might be mixing up love and lust.
Image:Slaanesh_miniature_closeup.jpg|Gimme some sugar

Image:Slaanesh+hr giger.jpg|H. R. Geiger is pleased
Image:Slaanesh by zk87-d2z4bpv.jpg|Lashes of Torment!
Image:Slaanesh-153102-SweetAngel.jpg|She Who Thirsts indeed
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated]

Image:Dark_Prince_of_Pleasure_Slaanesh_wfrp.jpg|From the old [[WFRP]] days
Image:MoeSlaanesh.png|How can you not want to serve something this <s>adorable</s> heretical?
Image:Anons_fall_to_Chaos.png|Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
Image:Champion of Slaanesh RL.png| We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
Image:HereticalUseOfChainswords.gif| When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
</gallery>

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

==See Also==
*[[Dechala]] - The oldest existing Chaos Champion special character of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[Azazel]] - The oldest existing [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[The Masque]] - Slaanesh's former fav fab Daemonette stripper, and current PR rep.
*[[Sigvald]], Slaanesh's favorite not-Caligula/not-Joffrey.
*The [[Emperor's Children]] legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
*[[Fulgrim]] - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks <strike>on this side (and that side) of the warp</strike> ever.
*[[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bile]] - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane_%28wrestler%29 Glenn Jacobs] instead of Tim Curry.
*[[Lucius]] - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
*[[Doomrider]] - He does COCAINE!
*[[Miriael Sabathiel]] - The <s>first</s> only Sister of Battle to fall to Chaos and champion of Slaanesh.
*[[Daemonette]] - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
*[[Reasonable Daemonette]] - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
*[[Loli D]] - The [[loli]] variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is extra heretical. E-Commissars can and will [[Exterminatus|blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice]] if you click on this link.
*http://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Slaanesh's_sacrifice.pdf

{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Tank

2016-10-19T16:52:33Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Types of Tanks */

{{cleanup}}
[[image:Char_FT-17.jpg|thumb|300px|right|A French Renault FT-17 Tank, the first tank to have the rough layout that would be the norm for tanks (Crew in the front, top mounted 360 degree turret for main gun, engine in back)]]

A '''tank''' is a tracked, armored combat vehicle. The term is often limited to vehicles intended for direct combat, as opposed to e.g. self-propelled artillery (which stay to the rear) or armored personnel carriers and infantry fighting vehicles, which are on the front line but are primarily tasked with carrying soldiers as opposed to fighting directly, and may not necessarily be tracked. Their invention revolutionized warfare in the 20th century, and any wargame set in or after that time period (or in alternate universes with similar or more advanced technology levels) will have plenty of attention devoted to them -- or to whatever made them obsolete, as in e.g. [[BattleTech]].

The idea of an armored fighting vehicle dates back at least to Leonardo da Vinci and [[H. G. Wells]], but the modern tank was proposed shortly before World War I, and was then spurred to production by the war itself. When the war on the Western Front got bogged down in trenches, the British Royal Navy, who had already had some success with mobile armoured car groups, had the idea to use tracked, armored vehicles with guns to break the stalemate. The name "tank" became attached to the vehicle as a codename to disguise the purpose of the large metal bodies being built. After the first tanks rolled onto the battlefield, other countries called them "battle wagons", "armors", "assault vehicles", and other more descriptive names, but the Anglosphere was stuck with calling them "tanks". (Interestingly, the original British Tank, which looked like a tractor with a metal box on top of it was called "Little Willy".)

==Common Features of the Tank==

Tanks were built with pretty much any set of features you could imagine, but over time, the militaries of the world settled on several key features:

# A large-caliber primary cannon for destroying enemy vehicles and defenses. This is partially why the Navy was the first branch of the British military to design and produce tanks during WWI, but mostly because the early designs demonstrated for the British army were unimpressive at best while First Lord of the Admiralty Winston Churchill saw their potential.
# A turret to house the tank gun, to allow the tank to shoot at targets without having to pivot the entire vehicle. The French had this one figured out by 1918, and some tanks developed during the interwar period actually had more than one (though this proved impractical). Strictly speaking this one is not essential as [[Wikipedia:Sturmgeschütz_III|the German Stug]] proves, and indeed the lack of a turret does have some advantages thanks to how it lowers the profile, but the advantages of a turret are strong enough to render the befits offered moot. A turret-less tank is only really useful if you don't the money to make a turreted tank, or you don't the technology to mount a gun as big as you want in the turret.
# A sloped, heavily-armored front face to absorb attacks, including those from enemy tanks. The reliance on thick front armor led to the development of anti-tank weapons like missiles and mines specialized to attack more vulnerable rear, underside, and top armor. All that said, sometimes designers choose not to armor their tanks. If the thickest armor you can put on a tank is going to get penetrated anyway then your best bet is not to armor it at all and focus on speed to make sure you don't get hit to begin with. During the Cold War, the French made heavy use of this designs, especially during the period when new HEAT shells had made steel armour less useful, but newer and stronger composite armour hadn't been invented yet.
# Tracks with a profile as low as possible while meeting all-terrain mobility needs. A stopped tank is a dead tank, and running the tracks over the top of the body is begging for a mobility kill, no matter how cool the [[Wikipedia:Mark I tank|British Mark I]] looked. (Though to be fair to the Mark I, it needed its high tracks to cross trenches, and since it came first, there weren't really any weapons that could take advantage of its exposed tracks at the time.)
# '''A radio!''' It can not be overstated how important a radio became to tanks. In both the battle for France and the early Operation Barbarossa the German tanks were under gunned and under armored compared to their opponents, but thanks to their radios, they were able to outmaneuver the enemy and take them apart. Radios also became important to tanks because, well, tanks are loud, and it's the only way for the crew to talk to each other without going hoarse yelling at each other.

Basically, tanks boil down to three features: mobility, defense, and firepower. You can generally speaking pick two at the cost of the third. The heavier your guns and armour, the slower the tank will be, for instance, while a vehicle made for mobility has to sacrifice either protection or the size of its guns.

==Types of Tanks==

Whether it's real or fantasy, tanks are classified from their weight and/or armament profile. Here are the common ones:

*'''Not Actually Tanks'''- Despite having treads and a gun, the following vehicles are not considered tanks. The difference is that tanks are designed for frontline Combat", while other vehicles with treads are designed to carry and support infantry (APC/IFV), bombard enemy positions with heavy artillery (SPGs), or act as general support weapon systems.

:*'''Armored Personnel Carrier''' - APCs are light vehicles designed to carry infantry and not much else. They're usually given a heavy machine gun to support the infantry they're carrying into battle and to defend itself, and not much else. Unlike IFVs, APCs are not expected to fight on the front due to their lackluster protection and armaments. However, they're sometimes also amphibious, something that the vast majority of tanks are not, allowing for both seafront assaults and quick getaways down waterways.

:*'''Self-propelled gun (SPG)''' - Vehicles armed with artillery weapons designed to bomb the enemy back into the stone age, ranging from howitzers, mortars, or missile systems. Typically built similarly to tanks, but sacrifice armor for their heavy guns since in normal circumstances they should be too far away to get shot at directly. Not to mention that artillery pieces have a minimum range where they can drop their payload; thus, the tank needs to put some distance between them and their target so that they can be in effective range. The advantage to having such artillery on an actual vehicle rather than being stationary, is that counter-battery fire can threaten static guns, while mobile guns can safely get out of the danger zone once they've delivered their payload. Self-propelled guns typically carry a 150+mm Howitzer, much larger than what any proper tank would carry.

:*'''Self-propelled anti-aircraft gun (SPAAG)''' - Tank-like vehicles armed with weaponry designed to shoot aircraft out of the sky to provide mobile anti-air cover. There are only three real ways to shoot a very fast moving aircraft out of the sky. [[Dakka|First you can use as many rapid fire guns as you can to fill the air with as many bullets as you can and hope for one hit]]. Second you can fire one big shell up into the air and at a certain height have it explode spraying shrapnel around it self to score the one hit you need, this are known as Anti Air Artillery, and are known in the English world by the name the Germans used during World War 2, flak. Both have been superseded by AA missiles which can track a target and put that shrapnel warhead closer to the target than just guess work and a slide rule can.

:*'''Infantry Fighting Vehicle''' - Known as IFVs, these tanks are capable of transporting infantry forces, while being armored and armed enough to be of support to the field, unlike light tanks. However, unlike true tanks, IFVs can't be expected to stand up to enemy armor. Modern IFV's can have anti tank missiles, but with their tin can armor, going toe to toe with a main battle tank is suicide and so it supports regular tanks or takes on enemy armor in emergencies. An IFV's goal is to deliver its infantry and hang around to use its 20mm+ autocannon to support the troops it drops off.

:*'''Tank Destroyer''' - Tank destroyers are specialist tanks designed for one thing in mind: knocking out other tanks and not much else. They tend to prioritize a really, really big gun, often at the cost of armour, and mobility is thus much more important for them. Some are turreted, some aren't, so the definition can get a little vague. What makes them not tanks is a matter of technicality. Tanks are general purpose while Tank destroyers (When they existed) are for only one thing, destroying other tanks. After World War 2 we figured out that since tanks fought other tanks so often anyway tank destroyers don't really make sense so we just put tank destroyer guns on regular tanks. A handful of Tank Destroyers still exist, though most of them are really just an IFV chassis with a tank gun mounted to the turret.

:*'''Assault guns''', Similar to tank destroyers, assault guns differ in one important way: instead of an anti-tank gun, they're armed with a anti-building weapon, frequently a howitzer. These tended to be fairly big and fairly heavy compared to SPGs, because they're made to get in close to heavy fortifications. After World War 2 assault guns became light air-dropped weapons to support airborne troops if they encountered hard targets.

*'''Proper tanks:'''

:*'''Tankettes''' - Less of a tank and more of an armored clown car with guns; these were in vogue for a while in the 1930s. They're essentially a one or two-person tank, armed with machine guns, flame throwers, or anti-tank rifles and not designed to move much faster than the infantry around them. They're generally made to act as mobile infantry support or anti-tank weapons. Needless to say, this idea didn't stick because even high-caliber machine guns (which WW2 was rife with) could penetrate the armor of the tank, making it useless in straight-up combat. Tankettes however, were still fielded in limited quantities after WW2 due to their light weight that allowed them to be safely air-dropped, mainly for non-front line use like tank destroyers, AA guns, and recon vehicles.

:*'''Light Tank''' - These are lightly armored tanks that sacrifice armor and firepower for maneuverability. They are not meant to be front-line combat tanks, as their armaments are usually too underpowered to go against heavier vehicles, rather they're usually relegated to reconnaissance duties and infantry support. Light tanks would carry guns that ranged from 37mm-45mm, though some early German Panzers were only equipped with machineguns.

:*'''Heavy tank''' - The big boys, armed with the biggest guns and the thickest armor. Heavy tanks are what you send to crack an enemy defensive line as they slowly rumble forward, guns blazing, destroying anything in sight. . . Except eventually Medium tanks, which split the difference between light and heavy tanks having more firepower than the latter and more mobility then the former, are just more cost effective and Heavy tanks are not too much better than improved mediums, which evolved into the main battle tank. Heavy tanks typically carried 88mm-120mm cannons.

:*'''Main Battle Tank/Medium tank''' - Medium tanks, which were generally made to carry guns close to a heavy with mobility not far off a light, evolved into main battle tanks. These would become the primary tank for modern nations by combining high speed, adequate armor and most of all a powerful gun. MBT's are not as heavy as we could theoretically make a tank (although modern advances like reactive armor plates, have allowed them to still be as survivable as true heavies) but their speed makes up for it and they act as the spearhead of an assault force designed to create and exploit a gap in enemy defenses to allow massed mechanized forces to rush though the gap. WWII era medium tanks carried 75mm-90mm cannons, though the modern generation of tanks generally have a minimum cannon size of 120 mm or so.

:*'''Infantry/Cavalry tank''' - A British and French design doctrine, the theory for the design goes like this. Infantry tanks support infantry, (hence the name) and therefore they don't need to go fast and can carry heavy armor while their guns did not have to be terribly strong to support the infantry. However they were too slow to use the line breaks they created (a problem in World War 1) hence the need for the Calvary tank. Cavalry or cruiser tanks were much, much lighter and were designed to move fast and rush though a gap the Infantry tanks made but could not use and create havoc behind enemy lines cutting communication, destroying supplies, etc. The idea was sound, however technology advanced so that Cruiser tanks could have the armor of a infantry tank without the slowness, and infantry tanks could have the speed of the Cruiser's meaning the distinction became meaningless. Before World War II, Russia had a similar idea for three different types of tanks, a breakthrough tank acting as an infantry tank, one tactical breakthrough tank, and a 'fast tank' to exploit gaps.

:*'''Flame tank''': a tank with a flamethrower, only used in the 1920s-1950s as they were quickly rendered obsolete as it was more cost-effective and efficient to have standard tanks have a flame thrower as a coaxial gun, though incendiary weapons of various sorts are still used today, mainly in artillery roles.

:*'''Super Heavy Tank''' - Superheavies were conceived in World War I, essentially using the term "landship" literally. Armed with giant cannon (sometimes multiple ones, and usually reserved for artillery or battleships) and armor plating so heavy, you'd mistake it for a fortress; they were meant to be the ultimate line breakers. While some prototypes were fleshed out, none (except for the French [[Wikipedia:Char 2C|Char 2C]], although it arrived too late to be used in WW1 and was obsolete in WW2) were put into service because they were simply too impractical. They were often too heavy to be supported by most roads (and off-road would have been worse), they moved too slow to be a threat, and were a logistical nightmare since their engines guzzled gas like no tomorrow. Overall, commanders found out that it was much better to send out multiple medium/heavy tanks to do the job, than sending a single super heavy. Still, because the idea of a multi-turret warship on treads is universally hella cool, that didn't stop writers from including such weapons in the arsenal of their armies, just to show how powerful they are. Super-Heavy prototypes had cannons that could range between 120mm-280mm, with the Nazis having many of the more ludicrous designs.

==Tanks in Warhammer 40,000==

Since [[Games Workshop]] seems to think that tank development in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe stopped somewhere between the World Wars, most of the iconic fighting vehicles of the [[Imperium]] are a mish-mash of modern and historical designs. We can quibble that some of those vehicles are not really tanks but armored personnel carriers (e.g. the [[Land Raider]]) or other specialized classes of armored fighting vehicles, but GW's design team has a serious problem with looping their tracks all the way up and over the chassis for that 1918 flavor. A variety of other vehicles in the 40k universe are referred to as tanks, but these are often hovering vehicles like those used by the [[Tau]] or [[Eldar]], and thus technically don't count.

==Console RPG Character Role==

In many role-playing video games, particularly the online ones, the term "tank" has also arisen to describe a character whose primary purpose is redirect all damage from enemies to himself. This was one of the primary purpose of actual tanks as well; tanks, being as armored and threatening, are supposed to get most of the enemy's attention while the squishier units like infantry and light vehicles move into advantageous positions to deal more damage, without the threat of serious retaliation.

See, many enemies in RPGs have ''way too much health'', deal way too much damage for most classes to withstand, and fights with them are unlikely to be decided in one round unless they're uncharacteristically vulnerable to save-or-die rays (which almost never happens). This is the usual case for boss-type, rare, and elite enemies.

Furthermore, many of the classes that are best at dealing damage (assassin and wizard types, for example) often have very little survivability when it comes to being punched in the face, in order to balance out classes (If a class can both tank damage and deal high damage at the same time, they either render other classes redundant or can do neither as well as a dedicated tank or damage dealer).

Thus, demand is created for a character whose job is to redirect enemies' aggression away from the squishy members of the party and towards them instead, usually using their mastery of mind-control, irritating sound effects, imposition of dangerous effects for attacking anyone else, or simply cutting insults and rude gestures which draw attention to themselves. They also tend to have abilities that help them in resisting, mitigating, avoiding, or regenerating from some of the damage they suffer (and on occasion act as a secondary damage dealer). In most cases, tanks are also often reliant on healer classes as well to keep them alive while they do their thing, as enemies that require tanks can usually deplete a good chunk of their health in a few attacks. Making sure that chunk is constantly restored is required to make sure they can keep at it.

[[4th Edition Dungeons and Dragons]] refers to this role as the "defender," while [[Dawn of War 2]] vets will recognize it as the "[[Tarkus]]", and later the "[[Apollo Diomedes|Diomedes]]."

[[Category:History]]
[[Category:Vehicles]]

Tank

2016-10-19T16:42:22Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Types of Tanks */

{{cleanup}}
[[image:Char_FT-17.jpg|thumb|300px|right|A French Renault FT-17 Tank, the first tank to have the rough layout that would be the norm for tanks (Crew in the front, top mounted 360 degree turret for main gun, engine in back)]]

A '''tank''' is a tracked, armored combat vehicle. The term is often limited to vehicles intended for direct combat, as opposed to e.g. self-propelled artillery (which stay to the rear) or armored personnel carriers and infantry fighting vehicles, which are on the front line but are primarily tasked with carrying soldiers as opposed to fighting directly, and may not necessarily be tracked. Their invention revolutionized warfare in the 20th century, and any wargame set in or after that time period (or in alternate universes with similar or more advanced technology levels) will have plenty of attention devoted to them -- or to whatever made them obsolete, as in e.g. [[BattleTech]].

The idea of an armored fighting vehicle dates back at least to Leonardo da Vinci and [[H. G. Wells]], but the modern tank was proposed shortly before World War I, and was then spurred to production by the war itself. When the war on the Western Front got bogged down in trenches, the British Royal Navy, who had already had some success with mobile armoured car groups, had the idea to use tracked, armored vehicles with guns to break the stalemate. The name "tank" became attached to the vehicle as a codename to disguise the purpose of the large metal bodies being built. After the first tanks rolled onto the battlefield, other countries called them "battle wagons", "armors", "assault vehicles", and other more descriptive names, but the Anglosphere was stuck with calling them "tanks". (Interestingly, the original British Tank, which looked like a tractor with a metal box on top of it was called "Little Willy".)

==Common Features of the Tank==

Tanks were built with pretty much any set of features you could imagine, but over time, the militaries of the world settled on several key features:

# A large-caliber primary cannon for destroying enemy vehicles and defenses. This is partially why the Navy was the first branch of the British military to design and produce tanks during WWI, but mostly because the early designs demonstrated for the British army were unimpressive at best while First Lord of the Admiralty Winston Churchill saw their potential.
# A turret to house the tank gun, to allow the tank to shoot at targets without having to pivot the entire vehicle. The French had this one figured out by 1918, and some tanks developed during the interwar period actually had more than one (though this proved impractical). Strictly speaking this one is not essential as [[Wikipedia:Sturmgeschütz_III|the German Stug]] proves, and indeed the lack of a turret does have some advantages thanks to how it lowers the profile, but the advantages of a turret are strong enough to render the befits offered moot. A turret-less tank is only really useful if you don't the money to make a turreted tank, or you don't the technology to mount a gun as big as you want in the turret.
# A sloped, heavily-armored front face to absorb attacks, including those from enemy tanks. The reliance on thick front armor led to the development of anti-tank weapons like missiles and mines specialized to attack more vulnerable rear, underside, and top armor. All that said, sometimes designers choose not to armor their tanks. If the thickest armor you can put on a tank is going to get penetrated anyway then your best bet is not to armor it at all and focus on speed to make sure you don't get hit to begin with. During the Cold War, the French made heavy use of this designs, especially during the period when new HEAT shells had made steel armour less useful, but newer and stronger composite armour hadn't been invented yet.
# Tracks with a profile as low as possible while meeting all-terrain mobility needs. A stopped tank is a dead tank, and running the tracks over the top of the body is begging for a mobility kill, no matter how cool the [[Wikipedia:Mark I tank|British Mark I]] looked. (Though to be fair to the Mark I, it needed its high tracks to cross trenches, and since it came first, there weren't really any weapons that could take advantage of its exposed tracks at the time.)
# '''A radio!''' It can not be overstated how important a radio became to tanks. In both the battle for France and the early Operation Barbarossa the German tanks were under gunned and under armored compared to their opponents, but thanks to their radios, they were able to outmaneuver the enemy and take them apart. Radios also became important to tanks because, well, tanks are loud, and it's the only way for the crew to talk to each other without going hoarse yelling at each other.

Basically, tanks boil down to three features: mobility, defense, and firepower. You can generally speaking pick two at the cost of the third. The heavier your guns and armour, the slower the tank will be, for instance, while a vehicle made for mobility has to sacrifice either protection or the size of its guns.

==Types of Tanks==

Whether it's real or fantasy, tanks are classified from their weight and/or armament profile. Here are the common ones:

*'''Not Actually Tanks'''- Despite having treads and a gun, the following vehicles are not considered tanks. The difference is that tanks are designed for frontline Combat", while other vehicles with treads are designed to carry and support infantry (APC/IFV), bombard enemy positions with heavy artillery (SPGs), or act as general support weapon systems.

:*'''Armored Personnel Carrier''' - APCs are light vehicles designed to carry infantry and not much else. They're usually given a heavy machine gun to support the infantry they're carrying into battle and to defend itself, and not much else. Unlike IFVs, APCs are not expected to fight on the front due to their lackluster protection and armaments. However, they're sometimes also amphibious, something that the vast majority of tanks are not, allowing for both seafront assaults and quick getaways down waterways.

:*'''Self-propelled gun (SPG)''' - Vehicles armed with artillery weapons designed to bomb the enemy back into the stone age, ranging from howitzers, mortars, or missile systems. Typically built similarly to tanks, but sacrifice armor for their heavy guns since in normal circumstances they should be too far away to get shot at directly. Not to mention that artillery pieces have a minimum range where they can drop their payload; thus, the tank needs to put some distance between them and their target so that they can be in effective range. The advantage to having such artillery on an actual vehicle rather than being stationary, is that counter-battery fire can threaten static guns, while mobile guns can safely get out of the danger zone once they've delivered their payload. Self-propelled guns typically carry a 150+mm Howitzer, much larger than what any proper tank would carry.

:*'''Self-propelled anti-aircraft gun (SPAAG)''' - Tank-like vehicles armed with weaponry designed to shoot aircraft out of the sky to provide mobile anti-air cover. There are only three real ways to shoot a very fast moving aircraft out of the sky. [[Dakka|First you can use as many rapid fire guns as you can to fill the air with as many bullets as you can and hope for one hit]]. Second you can fire one big shell up into the air and at a certain height have it explode spraying shrapnel around it self to score the one hit you need, this are known as Anti Air Artillery, and are known in the English world by the name the Germans used during World War 2, flak. Both have been superseded by AA missiles which can track a target and put that shrapnel warhead closer to the target than just guess work and a slide rule can.

:*'''Infantry Fighting Vehicle''' - Known as IFVs, these tanks are capable of transporting infantry forces, while being armored and armed enough to be of support to the field, unlike light tanks. However unlike true tanks IFVs can't be expected to stand up to enemy armor. Modern IFV's can have anti tank missiles but with their tin can armor going toe to toe with a main battle tank is suicide and so it supports regular tanks or takes on enemy armor in emergencies. An IFV's goal is to deliver its infantry and hang around to use its 20mm+ cannon to support the troops it drops off.

:*'''Tank Destroyer''' - Tank destroyers are specialist tanks designed for one thing in mind: knocking out other tanks and not much else. They tend to prioritize a really, really big gun, often at the cost of armour, and mobility is thus much more important for them. Some are turreted, some aren't, so the definition can get a little vague. What makes them not tanks is a matter of technicality. Tanks are general purpose while Tank destroyers (When they existed) are for only one thing, destroying other tanks. After World War 2 we figured out that since tanks fought other tanks so often anyway tank destroyers don't really make sense so we just put tank destroyer guns on regular tanks. A handful of Tank Destroyers still exist, though most of them are really just an IFV chassis with a tank gun mounted to the turret.

:*'''Assault guns''', Similar to tank destroyers, assault guns differ in one important way: instead of an anti-tank gun they're armed with a anti-building weapon, frequently a howitzer. These tended to be fairly big and fairly heavy compared to SPGs, because they're made to get in close to heavy fortifications. After World War 2 assault guns became light air-dropped weapons to support airborne troops if they encountered hard targets.

*'''Proper tanks:'''

:*'''Tankettes''' - Less of a tank and more of an armored clown car with guns; these were in vogue for a while in the 1930s. They're essentially a one or two-person tank, armed with machine guns, flame throwers, or anti-tank rifles and not designed to move much faster than the infantry around them. They're generally made to act as mobile infantry support or anti-tank weapons. Needless to say, this idea didn't stick because even high-caliber machine guns (which WW2 was rife with) could penetrate the armor of the tank, making it useless in straight-up combat. Tankettes however, were still fielded in limited quantities after WW2 due to their light weight that allowed them to be safely air-dropped, mainly for non-front line use like tank destroyers, AA guns, and recon vehicles.

:*'''Light Tank''' - These are lightly armored tanks that sacrifice armor and firepower for maneuverability. They are not meant to be front-line combat tanks, as their armaments are usually too underpowered to go against heavier vehicles, rather they're usually relegated to reconnaissance duties and infantry support. Light tanks would carry guns that ranged from 37mm-45mm, though some early German Panzers were only equipped with machineguns.

:*'''Heavy tank''' - The big boys, armed with the biggest guns and the thickest armor. Heavy tanks are what you send to crack an enemy defensive line as they slowly rumble forward, guns blazing, destroying anything in sight. . . Except eventually Medium tanks, which split the difference between light and heavy tanks having more firepower than the latter and more mobility then the former, are just more cost effective and Heavy tanks are not too much better than improved mediums, which evolved into the main battle tank. Heavy tanks typically carried 88mm-120mm cannons.

**'''Main Battle Tank/Medium tank''' - Medium tanks, which were generally made to carry guns close to a heavy with mobility not far off a light, evolved into main battle tanks. These would become the primary tank for modern nations by combining high speed, adequate armor and most of all a powerful gun. MBT's are not as heavy as we could theoretically make a tank (although modern advances like reactive armor plates, have allowed them to still be as survivable as true heavies) but their speed makes up for it and they act as the spearhead of an assault force designed to create and exploit a gap in enemy defenses to allow massed mechanized forces to rush though the gap. WWII era medium tanks carried 75mm-90mm cannons, though the modern generation of tanks generally have a minimum cannon size of 120 mm or so.

:*'''Infantry/Cavalry tank''' - A British and French design doctrine, the theory for the design goes like this. Infantry tanks support infantry, (hence the name) and therefore they don't need to go fast and can carry heavy armor while their guns did not have to be terribly strong to support the infantry. However they were too slow to use the line breaks they created (a problem in World War 1) hence the need for the Calvary tank. Cavalry or cruiser tanks were much, much lighter and were designed to move fast and rush though a gap the Infantry tanks made but could not use and create havoc behind enemy lines cutting communication, destroying supplies, etc. The idea was sound, however technology advanced so that Cruiser tanks could have the armor of a infantry tank without the slowness, and infantry tanks could have the speed of the Cruiser's meaning the distinction became meaningless. Before World War II, Russia had a similar idea for three different types of tanks, a breakthrough tank acting as an infantry tank, one tactical breakthrough tank, and a 'fast tank' to exploit gaps.

:*'''Flame tank''': a tank with a flamethrower, only used in the 1920s-1950s as they were quickly rendered obsolete as it was more cost-effective and efficient to have standard tanks have a flame thrower as a coaxial gun, though incendiary weapons of various sorts are still used today, mainly in artillery roles.

:*'''Super Heavy Tank''' - Superheavies were conceived in World War I, essentially using the term "landship" literally. Armed with giant cannon (sometimes multiple ones, and usually reserved for artillery or battleships) and armor plating so heavy, you'd mistake it for a fortress; they were meant to be the ultimate line breakers. While some prototypes were fleshed out, none (except for the French [[Wikipedia:Char 2C|Char 2C]], although it arrived too late to be used in WW1 and was obsolete in WW2) were put into service because they were simply too impractical. They were often too heavy to be supported by most roads (and off-road would have been worse), they moved too slow to be a threat, and were a logistical nightmare since their engines guzzled gas like no tomorrow. Overall, commanders found out that it was much better to send out multiple medium/heavy tanks to do the job, than sending a single super heavy. Still, because the idea of a multi-turret warship on treads is universally hella cool, that didn't stop writers from including such weapons in the arsenal of their armies, just to show how powerful they are. Super-Heavy prototypes had cannons that could range between 120mm-280mm, with the Nazis having many of the more ludicrous designs.

==Tanks in Warhammer 40,000==

Since [[Games Workshop]] seems to think that tank development in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe stopped somewhere between the World Wars, most of the iconic fighting vehicles of the [[Imperium]] are a mish-mash of modern and historical designs. We can quibble that some of those vehicles are not really tanks but armored personnel carriers (e.g. the [[Land Raider]]) or other specialized classes of armored fighting vehicles, but GW's design team has a serious problem with looping their tracks all the way up and over the chassis for that 1918 flavor. A variety of other vehicles in the 40k universe are referred to as tanks, but these are often hovering vehicles like those used by the [[Tau]] or [[Eldar]], and thus technically don't count.

==Console RPG Character Role==

In many role-playing video games, particularly the online ones, the term "tank" has also arisen to describe a character whose primary purpose is redirect all damage from enemies to himself. This was one of the primary purpose of actual tanks as well; tanks, being as armored and threatening, are supposed to get most of the enemy's attention while the squishier units like infantry and light vehicles move into advantageous positions to deal more damage, without the threat of serious retaliation.

See, many enemies in RPGs have ''way too much health'', deal way too much damage for most classes to withstand, and fights with them are unlikely to be decided in one round unless they're uncharacteristically vulnerable to save-or-die rays (which almost never happens). This is the usual case for boss-type, rare, and elite enemies.

Furthermore, many of the classes that are best at dealing damage (assassin and wizard types, for example) often have very little survivability when it comes to being punched in the face, in order to balance out classes (If a class can both tank damage and deal high damage at the same time, they either render other classes redundant or can do neither as well as a dedicated tank or damage dealer).

Thus, demand is created for a character whose job is to redirect enemies' aggression away from the squishy members of the party and towards them instead, usually using their mastery of mind-control, irritating sound effects, imposition of dangerous effects for attacking anyone else, or simply cutting insults and rude gestures which draw attention to themselves. They also tend to have abilities that help them in resisting, mitigating, avoiding, or regenerating from some of the damage they suffer (and on occasion act as a secondary damage dealer). In most cases, tanks are also often reliant on healer classes as well to keep them alive while they do their thing, as enemies that require tanks can usually deplete a good chunk of their health in a few attacks. Making sure that chunk is constantly restored is required to make sure they can keep at it.

[[4th Edition Dungeons and Dragons]] refers to this role as the "defender," while [[Dawn of War 2]] vets will recognize it as the "[[Tarkus]]", and later the "[[Apollo Diomedes|Diomedes]]."

[[Category:History]]
[[Category:Vehicles]]

Hellgun

2016-10-19T03:31:39Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A:

[[File:StormtrooperHellgun.jpg|250px|right|thumb|The enemies of the Imperium may mistakenly laugh over a "Flashlight with a Camping Bag", but [[Emprah]] help them once he released 12 packs of (Conveniently named)'''''[[Rape|"HELL"]]'''''.]]

The Hellgun is an advanced variant of the IG [[lasgun]]. While the lasgun fires at a fairly rapid semi-automatic rate with a full auto setting, the hellgun is capable of firing extremely rapidly at full auto nonstop, allowing the user to bring the [[Empra]]'s light faster and deadlier than the standard-issue [[Flashlight]]. Besides the fact that it needs a backpack-mounted battery to use, it requires extensive maintenance and is only issued to elite Imperial guard troops like the Kasrkin. The back-pack mounted battery gives a hellgun or hellpistol an effectively infinite amount of shots, which is very handy when you're facing orks, traitor guardsmen/heretics/cultists, and Tyranids. It's almost on par with a bolter, but it is way easier on the quartermaster due to the aforementioned limitless number of shots. <s>For some fucktarded reason they are getting replaced by hotshot lasguns which are essentially just regular lasguns with supercharged shots. Ehhh, [[Dark Heresy]] has rules for both weapons.</s> The newly released Cadian Gate Edition of the Imperial Munitorum Manual refers only to a Hellgun/Hellpistol. It describes them as more powerful than the standard las-fire ''and'' having excellent armor piercing capabilities. Full auto capability is also retained. It might be assumed that a hotshot lasgun merely uses the individual "magazine" hotshot power cells, while the hellgun is specifically designed to use the backpack-style "death-machine" capacitor. That or once again [[Games Workshop]] has failed to effectively manage its intellectual properties.

Probably the latter. As evidence, please consult page 8 of Codex: Militarum Tempestus, which describes the Ryza pattern Hotshot Lasgun. It is described as using "a hyper-yield power array worn as a backpack rig." The codex entry actually mentions it NOT using the maglike power packs in service amongst the Imperial Guard.

In light of that bit of ambiguity, the only thing that can be said definitively about the hellgun/hot-shot lasgun is that it is outperforms the standard lasgun in armor-piercing and damage at the cost of increased weight and scarcity. Otherwise its the stub/auto conundrum, again.

Update: The recently re-released Made-To-Order Kasrkin models describe their guns as Hot-Shot lasguns. It's an official name change.

[[Creed]] <s>has two pistol versions of them on his belt.</s> actually they are only hot-shot laspistols

What the [[Stubber|heavy stubber]] is to autoguns and what the stormbolter is to bolters, the hellgun is to lasguns.

{{Template:40k-Imperial-Weapons}}
[[category:warhammer 40,000]]

Tank

2016-10-18T23:45:43Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Types of Tanks */

{{cleanup}}
[[image:Char_FT-17.jpg|thumb|300px|right|A French Renault FT-17 Tank, the first tank to have the rough layout that would be the norm for tanks (Crew in the front, top mounted 360 degree turret for main gun, engine in back)]]

A '''tank''' is a tracked, armored combat vehicle. The term is often limited to vehicles intended for direct combat, as opposed to e.g. self-propelled artillery (which stay to the rear) or armored personnel carriers and infantry fighting vehicles, which are on the front line but are primarily tasked with carrying soldiers as opposed to fighting directly, and may not necessarily be tracked. Their invention revolutionized warfare in the 20th century, and any wargame set in or after that time period (or in alternate universes with similar or more advanced technology levels) will have plenty of attention devoted to them -- or to whatever made them obsolete, as in e.g. [[BattleTech]].

The idea of an armored fighting vehicle dates back at least to Leonardo da Vinci and [[H. G. Wells]], but the modern tank was proposed shortly before World War I, and was then spurred to production by the war itself. When the war on the Western Front got bogged down in trenches, the British Royal Navy, who had already had some success with mobile armoured car groups, had the idea to use tracked, armored vehicles with guns to break the stalemate. The name "tank" became attached to the vehicle as a codename to disguise the purpose of the large metal bodies being built. After the first tanks rolled onto the battlefield, other countries called them "battle wagons", "armors", "assault vehicles", and other more descriptive names, but the Anglosphere was stuck with calling them "tanks". (Interestingly, the original British Tank, which looked like a tractor with a metal box on top of it was called "Little Willy".)

==Common Features of the Tank==

Tanks were built with pretty much any set of features you could imagine, but over time, the militaries of the world settled on several key features:

# A large-caliber primary cannon for destroying enemy vehicles and defenses. This is partially why the Navy was the first branch of the British military to design and produce tanks during WWI, but mostly because the early designs demonstrated for the British army were unimpressive at best while First Lord of the Admiralty Winston Churchill saw their potential.
# A turret to house the tank gun, to allow the tank to shoot at targets without having to pivot the entire vehicle. The French had this one figured out by 1918, and some tanks developed during the interwar period actually had more than one (though this proved impractical). Strictly speaking this one is not essential as [[Wikipedia:Sturmgeschütz_III|the German Stug]] proves, and indeed the lack of a turret does have some advantages thanks to how it lowers the profile, but the advantages of a turret are strong enough to render the befits offered moot. A turret-less tank is only really useful if you don't the money to make a turreted tank, or you don't the technology to mount a gun as big as you want in the turret.
# A sloped, heavily-armored front face to absorb attacks, including those from enemy tanks. The reliance on thick front armor led to the development of anti-tank weapons like missiles and mines specialized to attack more vulnerable rear, underside, and top armor. All that said, sometimes designers choose not to armor their tanks. If the thickest armor you can put on a tank is going to get penetrated anyway then your best bet is not to armor it at all and focus on speed to make sure you don't get hit to begin with. During the Cold War, the French made heavy use of this designs, especially during the period when new HEAT shells had made steel armour less useful, but newer and stronger composite armour hadn't been invented yet.
# Tracks with a profile as low as possible while meeting all-terrain mobility needs. A stopped tank is a dead tank, and running the tracks over the top of the body is begging for a mobility kill, no matter how cool the [[Wikipedia:Mark I tank|British Mark I]] looked. (Though to be fair to the Mark I, it needed its high tracks to cross trenches, and since it came first, there weren't really any weapons that could take advantage of its exposed tracks at the time.)
# '''A radio!''' It can not be overstated how important a radio became to tanks. In both the battle for France and the early Operation Barbarossa the German tanks were under gunned and under armored compared to their opponents, but thanks to their radios, they were able to outmaneuver the enemy and take them apart. Radios also became important to tanks because, well, tanks are loud, and it's the only way for the crew to talk to each other without going hoarse yelling at each other.

Basically, tanks boil down to three features: mobility, defense, and firepower. You can generally speaking pick two at the cost of the third. The heavier your guns and armour, the slower the tank will be, for instance, while a vehicle made for mobility has to sacrifice either protection or the size of its guns.

==Types of Tanks==

Whether it's real or fantasy, tanks are classified from their weight and/or armament profile. Here are the common ones:

*'''Not Actually Tanks'''- Despite having treads and a gun, the following vehicles are not considered tanks. The difference is that tanks are designed for frontline Combat", while other vehicles with treads are designed to carry and support infantry (APC/IFV), bombard enemy positions with heavy artillery (SPGs), or act as general support weapon systems.

**'''Armored Personnel Carrier''' - APCs are light vehicles designed to carry infantry and not much else. They're usually given a heavy machine gun to support the infantry they're carrying into battle and to defend itself, and not much else. Unlike IFVs, APCs are not expected to fight on the front due to their lackluster protection and armaments. However, they're sometimes also amphibious, something that the vast majority of tanks are not, allowing for both seafront assaults and quick getaways down waterways.

**'''Self-propelled gun (SPG)''' - Vehicles armed with artillery weapons designed to bomb the enemy back into the stone age, ranging from howitzers, mortars, or missile systems. Typically built similarly to tanks, but sacrifice armor for their heavy guns since in normal circumstances they should be too far away to get shot at directly. Not to mention that artillery pieces have a minimum range where they can drop their payload; thus, the tank needs to put some distance between them and their target so that they can be in effective range. The advantage to having such artillery on an actual vehicle rather than being stationary, is that counter-battery fire can threaten static guns, while mobile guns can safely get out of the danger zone once they've delivered their payload. Self-propelled guns typically carry a 150+mm Howitzer, much larger than what any proper tank would carry.

**'''Self-propelled anti-aircraft gun (SPAAG)''' - Tank-like vehicles armed with weaponry designed to shoot aircraft out of the sky to provide mobile anti-air cover. There are only three real ways to shoot a very fast moving aircraft out of the sky. [[Dakka|First you can use as many rapid fire guns as you can to fill the air with as many bullets as you can and hope for one hit]]. Second you can fire one big shell up into the air and at a certain height have it explode spraying shrapnel around it self to score the one hit you need, this are known as Anti Air Artillery, and are known in the English world by the name the Germans used during World War 2, flak. Both have been superseded by AA missiles which can track a target and put that shrapnel warhead closer to the target than just guess work and a slide rule can.

**'''Infantry Fighting Vehicle''' - Known as IFVs, these tanks are capable of transporting infantry forces, while being armored and armed enough to be of support to the field, unlike light tanks. However unlike true tanks IFVs can't be expected to stand up to enemy armor. Modern IFV's can have anti tank missiles but with their tin can armor going toe to toe with a main battle tank is suicide and so it supports regular tanks or takes on enemy armor in emergencies. An IFV's goal is to deliver its infantry and hang around to use its 20mm+ cannon to support the troops it drops off.

**'''Tank Destroyer''' - Tank destroyers are specialist tanks designed for one thing in mind: knocking out other tanks and not much else. They tend to prioritize a really, really big gun, often at the cost of armour, and mobility is thus much more important for them. Some are turreted, some aren't, so the definition can get a little vague. What makes them not tanks is a matter of technicality. Tanks are general purpose while Tank destroyers (When they existed) are for only one thing, destroying other tanks. After World War 2 we figured out that since tanks fought other tanks so often anyway tank destroyers don't really make sense so we just put tank destroyer guns on regular tanks. A handful of Tank Destroyers still exist, though most of them are really just an IFV chassis with a tank gun mounted to the turret.

**'''Assault guns''', Similar to tank destroyers, assault guns differ in one important way: instead of an anti-tank gun they're armed with a anti-building weapon, frequently a howitzer. These tended to be fairly big and fairly heavy compared to SPGs, because they're made to get in close to heavy fortifications. After World War 2 assault guns became light air-dropped weapons to support airborne troops if they encountered hard targets.

*'''Proper tanks:'''

**'''Tankettes''' - Less of a tank and more of an armored clown car with guns; these were in vogue for a while in the 1930s. They're essentially a one or two-person tank, armed with machine guns, flame throwers, or anti-tank rifles and not designed to move much faster than the infantry around them. They're generally made to act as mobile infantry support or anti-tank weapons. Needless to say, this idea didn't stick because even high-caliber machine guns (which WW2 was rife with) could penetrate the armor of the tank, making it useless in straight-up combat. Tankettes however, were still fielded in limited quantities after WW2 due to their light weight that allowed them to be safely air-dropped, mainly for non-front line use like tank destroyers, AA guns, and recon vehicles.

**'''Light Tank''' - These are lightly armored tanks that sacrifice armor and firepower for maneuverability. They are not meant to be front-line combat tanks, as their armaments are usually too underpowered to go against heavier vehicles, rather they're usually relegated to reconnaissance duties and infantry support. Light tanks would carry guns that ranged from 37mm-45mm, though some early German Panzers were only equipped with machineguns.

**'''Heavy tank''' - The big boys, armed with the biggest guns and the thickest armor. Heavy tanks are what you send to crack an enemy defensive line as they slowly rumble forward, guns blazing, destroying anything in sight. . . Except eventually Medium tanks, which split the difference between light and heavy tanks having more firepower than the latter and more mobility then the former, are just more cost effective and Heavy tanks are not too much better than improved mediums, which evolved into the main battle tank. Heavy tanks typically carried 88mm-120mm cannons.

**'''Main Battle Tank/Medium tank''' - Medium tanks, which were generally made to carry guns close to a heavy with mobility not far off a light, evolved into main battle tanks. These would become the primary tank for modern nations by combining high speed, adequate armor and most of all a powerful gun. MBT's are not as heavy as we could theoretically make a tank (although modern advances like reactive armor plates, have allowed them to still be as survivable as true heavies) but their speed makes up for it and they act as the spearhead of an assault force designed to create and exploit a gap in enemy defenses to allow massed mechanized forces to rush though the gap. WWII era medium tanks carried 75mm-90mm cannons, though the modern generation of tanks generally have a minimum cannon size of 120 mm or so.

**'''Infantry/Cavalry tank''' - A British and French design doctrine, the theory for the design goes like this. Infantry tanks support infantry, (hence the name) and therefore they don't need to go fast and can carry heavy armor while their guns did not have to be terribly strong to support the infantry. However they were too slow to use the line breaks they created (a problem in World War 1) hence the need for the Calvary tank. Cavalry or cruiser tanks were much, much lighter and were designed to move fast and rush though a gap the Infantry tanks made but could not use and create havoc behind enemy lines cutting communication, destroying supplies, etc. The idea was sound, however technology advanced so that Cruiser tanks could have the armor of a infantry tank without the slowness, and infantry tanks could have the speed of the Cruiser's meaning the distinction became meaningless. Before World War II, Russia had a similar idea for three different types of tanks, a breakthrough tank acting as an infantry tank, one tactical breakthrough tank, and a 'fast tank' to exploit gaps.

**'''Flame tank''': a tank with a flamethrower, only used in the 1920s-1950s as they were quickly rendered obsolete as it was more cost-effective and efficient to have standard tanks have a flame thrower as a coaxial gun, though incendiary weapons of various sorts are still used today, mainly in artillery roles.

**'''Super Heavy Tank''' - Superheavies were conceived in World War I, essentially using the term "landship" literally. Armed with giant cannon (sometimes multiple ones, and usually reserved for artillery or battleships) and armor plating so heavy, you'd mistake it for a fortress; they were meant to be the ultimate line breakers. While some prototypes were fleshed out, none (except for the French [[Wikipedia:Char 2C|Char 2C]], although it arrived too late to be used in WW1 and was obsolete in WW2) were put into service because they were simply too impractical. They were often too heavy to be supported by most roads (and off-road would have been worse), they moved too slow to be a threat, and were a logistical nightmare since their engines guzzled gas like no tomorrow. Overall, commanders found out that it was much better to send out multiple medium/heavy tanks to do the job, than sending a single super heavy. Still, because the idea of a multi-turret warship on treads is universally hella cool, that didn't stop writers from including such weapons in the arsenal of their armies, just to show how powerful they are. Super-Heavy prototypes had cannons that could range between 120mm-280mm, with the Nazis having many of the more ludicrous designs.

==Tanks in Warhammer 40,000==

Since [[Games Workshop]] seems to think that tank development in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe stopped somewhere between the World Wars, most of the iconic fighting vehicles of the [[Imperium]] are a mish-mash of modern and historical designs. We can quibble that some of those vehicles are not really tanks but armored personnel carriers (e.g. the [[Land Raider]]) or other specialized classes of armored fighting vehicles, but GW's design team has a serious problem with looping their tracks all the way up and over the chassis for that 1918 flavor. A variety of other vehicles in the 40k universe are referred to as tanks, but these are often hovering vehicles like those used by the [[Tau]] or [[Eldar]], and thus technically don't count.

==Console RPG Character Role==

In many role-playing video games, particularly the online ones, the term "tank" has also arisen to describe a character whose primary purpose is redirect all damage from enemies to himself. This was one of the primary purpose of actual tanks as well; tanks, being as armored and threatening, are supposed to get most of the enemy's attention while the squishier units like infantry and light vehicles move into advantageous positions to deal more damage, without the threat of serious retaliation.

See, many enemies in RPGs have ''way too much health'', deal way too much damage for most classes to withstand, and fights with them are unlikely to be decided in one round unless they're uncharacteristically vulnerable to save-or-die rays (which almost never happens). This is the usual case for boss-type, rare, and elite enemies.

Furthermore, many of the classes that are best at dealing damage (assassin and wizard types, for example) often have very little survivability when it comes to being punched in the face, in order to balance out classes (If a class can both tank damage and deal high damage at the same time, they either render other classes redundant or can do neither as well as a dedicated tank or damage dealer).

Thus, demand is created for a character whose job is to redirect enemies' aggression away from the squishy members of the party and towards them instead, usually using their mastery of mind-control, irritating sound effects, imposition of dangerous effects for attacking anyone else, or simply cutting insults and rude gestures which draw attention to themselves. They also tend to have abilities that help them in resisting, mitigating, avoiding, or regenerating from some of the damage they suffer (and on occasion act as a secondary damage dealer). In most cases, tanks are also often reliant on healer classes as well to keep them alive while they do their thing, as enemies that require tanks can usually deplete a good chunk of their health in a few attacks. Making sure that chunk is constantly restored is required to make sure they can keep at it.

[[4th Edition Dungeons and Dragons]] refers to this role as the "defender," while [[Dawn of War 2]] vets will recognize it as the "[[Tarkus]]", and later the "[[Apollo Diomedes|Diomedes]]."

[[Category:History]]
[[Category:Vehicles]]

Felinid

2016-10-18T03:13:15Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* Their Biology */

[[File:A_fe0bacc1.jpg|250px|thumb|right|What they probably would look like...]]
Felinids are a strain of [[Abhuman]]s that reside on a very pimpish name for a planet; [[Carlos_McConnell|'''Carlos McConnell''']]. They go by the scientific name ''Homo sapien hirsutus''.

Thus ends the entirety of the canonical information on the Felinids. I wish I was kidding.

Judging by their name they might as well be Imperial [[Catgirl]]s, if not full-on [[furries]] (hirsutus = hairy), although the idea on why humanity started growing feline-like traits is beyond the realm of contemporary science. Since almost nothing is known of them, nor their planet, the flood gates were opened for /tg/ to imagine up their relationship with the Imperium; as something only the [[Inquisition|Guys with fancy hats]] would have [[PROMOTIONS|the permission to]] [[/d/|"Study" them.]] Although it would be quite the hilarity to vision a Space Wolf Wulfen chasing down a Felinid.

Speaking of Space Wolves, they may give an explanation as to why Felinids (and all abhumans in general) potentially exist. In Space Wolves fluff, there is a saying that there are no wolves on Fenris. Not to mention that it's implied that Fenrisian Wolves are former humans. And if we take into account the tech of the Dark Age, its quite possible that Felinids (and abhumans in general) are simply the descendants of human colonists who added and modified their genes to survive on the planets they lived on.

== What their role in the Imperium is ==
Although almost nothing is known about the Felinids, we can speculate that they might be used as road (and book shelf) cleaners or construction workers or anything that has to do with civilian work, since they are never mentioned to be part of the military. Furthermore, due to their location on one planet, they might also be used as exotic dancers or sex slaves by your average Imperial Joe. '''''"IF"''''' they were in the Imperial Guard, then they could either be used as scouts, thieves or assassins, but this is mainly a stereotype of Cat-people so it might not be true.

== Their Biology ==
[[Image:Furry chart.jpg|thumb|right|The options]]
There are two possibilities for Felinid biology, and they depend on their origin. First, as mentioned above, they could be the descendants of human colonists who altered their DNA to survive on their planet. In this case we should expect more of an Imperial analogue to [[Catfolk]], as we expect the Felinids to have a small and slender body posture. Furthermore, like all felines, they should have incredible flexibility and agility, their strength should be slightly weaker to a baseline human (if they are based on a small cat of course), but they also could be much faster. Their scientific name, ''hirsutus'', which means "Hairy" in Latin, could also suggest that they are [[Furries]], although how hairy/furry their body could be is up for [[Skub|debate.]] But it must be remembered that even just a little hair would be hairy enough for the Imperium to call them "''hirsutus''" since they just need to be hairy''er'' than normal humans. This possibility has more credence based on the theory that Canis Helix was introduced to [[Fenris|Fenrisians]] to make them hardier, resulting in latent wolf-like traits, [[Wulfen|some]] to the point of [[Fenrisian Wolf|full wolf-like appearance]]. Though again, this isn't hard fact.

The second option is that given our own... fascination with [[catgirl]]s, they could be a case of a high class members of society attempting to create the perfect Waifu, only to find out the Felinids did not like BEING the Waifu and eventually branched off, when their population became big enough, into another Abhuman race. This case would have the Felinds look more like the 10% on the graph up there rather since they were created with looks in mind, not functionality, just like dogs and cats on Terra in M2. In this case they would be much more human-looking, with only a few cat-like physical traits and mannerisms. Some fa/tg/guy have chosen to imagine them as catgirls with glam-rock hair, which given 40k's setting, is very likely. But seeing how grimdark this galaxy is, it can always be [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuvHPr4BGk much worse.]

== NOW WITH PROFILES AND RULES ==
'''Felinid "Cat's Paws" Squad (70 pts - Troops):'''

The most common Felinid Squad. Thanks to their natural capabilities, Cat's Paws require less training than the average Guardsman and are used in outflanking and surprising enemy formations.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Name !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! I !! A !! Ld !! Sv
|-
| Felinid || 3 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 4 || 1 || 7 || 5+
|-
| Felinid Weapons Specialist || 3 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 4 || 1 || 7 || 5+
|-
| Felinid Alpha || 4 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 4 || 2 || 8 || 5+
|}

Unit Type: Infantry. Felinid Alpha (Infantry, Character).

Unit Composition: 7 Felinids, 2 Felinid Weapons Specialists and 1 Felinid Alpha.

Wargear: Lasgun, Flak Armor, Frag Grenades

Special Rules:
*'''Outflank'''
*'''Crusader'''
*'''Cat's Eye'''
*'''Cat's Grace'''

Options:
*Felinid Alpha may take items from the Ranged Weapons list.
*Felinid Alpha may replace her Lasgun with a Close Combat Weapon and Laspistol for free.
*Felinid Alpha may replace her Close Combat Weapon for a Power Sword for 15 pts.
*Felinid Alpha may take Melta Bombs for 5 pts.
*Felinid Alpha may carry a Medi-pack for 15 pts.
*Felinid Alpha may replace her Flak Armour with Carapace Armour for 5 pts.
*Felinid Weapons Specialist MUST replace their Lasguns with the items from the Specialist Weapons List.
*The Squad may take Krak Grenades for 10 pts.
*One of the Squad members may carry a Vox Caster for 5 pts.

'''Tiger Squad (100 pts - Elites):'''
[[File:AZZEhPn.png|244px|right|thumb|Sharya Mandhis of the 422nd Kitty Claw Regiment.]]
A more aggressive breed of Felinid, these abhumans are born with a characteristic striped pattern to their fur and have a strong predatory instinct, unlike most Felinids. Tigers are notorious for savoring the effort in prying the can open to consume their prey.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Name !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! I !! A !! Ld !! Sv
|-
| Tiger || 4 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 4 || 1 || 7 || 5+
|-
| Alpha Tiger || 4 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 4 || 2 || 8 || 5+
|}

Unit Type: Infantry. Alpha Tiger is (Infantry, Character).

Unit Composition: 9 Tigers and 1 Alpha Tiger.

Wargear: Flak Armour, Tiger Claw

The Tiger Claw is essentially an enormous chain-axe with the teeth replaced with torches.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Name !! Range !! S !! AP !! Type
|-
| Tiger Claw || Melee || X2 || 1 || Two-Handed, Unwieldy, Armorbane, Gets Hot
|}
Special Rules:
*'''Outflank'''
*'''Cat's Eye'''
*'''Cat's Grace'''
*'''Furious Charge'''
*'''Monster Hunter'''
*'''Tank Hunters'''
*'''Doctrine: Mobility''': A model with Doctrine: Mobility treats all vehicles they are embarked upon as an Assault Vehicle.
*'''Tank Chasers''': A model with Tank Chasers may reroll failed charges against Vehicles.
Options: The Squad may take a Taurox as a dedicated transport. If it does, the Taurox also gains Outflank, whether or not the squad chooses to begin the game embarked upon it.

'''Jaguar Squad (100 pts - Fast Attack):'''

Jaguars are characterized by black or very dark skin and fur. These abhumans are used as forward vanguards or assassins due to their natural affinity for stealth, by the few Guard Regiments that can afford these specialists. They are particularly fond of dipping their Jaguar Claws (extremely large monomolecular clawed gauntlets designed to separate flesh from bone with the ease of snapping one's fingers) in venom before deployment.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Name !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! I !! A !! Ld !! Sv
|-
| Jaguar || 4 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 4 || 1 || 8 || 5+
|-
| Alpha Jaguar || 4 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 4 || 2 || 9 || 5+
|}

Unit Type: Infantry. Alpha Jaguar is (Infantry, Character).
Unit Composition: 4 Felinid Jaguar and 1 Felinid Alpha Jaguar. May take up to 5 additional Jaguars for 20 pts/model.

Wargear: Flak Armour, Two Jaguar Claws, Sniper Rifle.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Name !! Range !! S !! AP !! Type
|-
| Jaguar Claw || Melee || User || - || Shred, Poisoned (4+), Rending, Specialist Weapon
|}

Special Rules:
*'''Crusader'''
*'''Cat's Eye'''
*'''Cat's Grace'''
*'''Crusader'''
*'''Fleet'''
*'''Infiltrate'''
*'''Scout'''
*'''Stealth'''
Options:
*Any Jaguar may carry a Medi-pack for 15 pts.
*Alpha Jaguar may take improved poison for 15 pts. This grants her close combat attacks the Instant Death special rule.
*Any Jaguar may replace their Sniper Rifle with any weapon from the Imperial Guard Specialist Weapons List at the specified cost.
*The entire Squad may replace their Stealth USR with Shrouded for 1 point per model.

'''Special Rules:'''
*'''Cat's Eye:''' Felinids have the Night Vision and Acute Senses USRs, and Preferred Enemy (anything with Toughness and Strength 2 or less).
*'''Cat's Grace:''' Felinids move exactly as though they were Beasts, despite having the Infantry type. When hit by a lascannon, multi-laser, lasgun, laspistol, Tau's Designators, hellgun, or hellpistol, a unit of Felinids must take a Pinning test to represent them getting distracted by the shiny dot.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:DeathCat.jpg
Image:Loyalist Cat.jpg
Image:Fishbowl Guard.jpg
Image:Sister of Battle Felinid.jpg
Image:Felinid Chapter Serf.jpg|Almost Heresy, and you thought he was angry before.
Image:Felinid Guard.jpg
Image:Catpack.jpg|The Carlos McConnellan 51st Flying Pussyfoots always land on their feet!
Image:Blue cat.jpg
Image:Signofthingstocome.jpg
Image:Felinid.PNG|NO ONE CAN SAVE US FROM THIS GRIMDARK FUTURE.....NO ONE.....
Image:Wh40k felinid by captain asparagus-d9jp3v5.png |Felinid guardsman
Image:Mittens.jpg |Power fists offer fantastic replacements for natural claws
Image:Felinid Imperial Guard Krieger Girl.png |You wish your cat was even just half as awesome
Image:54ce4921c38f27b20a305185_565e01cefd3bbc5948161e28_320.jpg|Sweet, sweet heresy....
Image:Tumblr_niy6wg0gLm1r9y4r9o1_500.jpg
Image:Tumblr_oavx3xmivO1r9y4r9o1_500.png|Felinids are sometimes used as effective squad morale booster!
Image:Felinid Wulfen Bait.png|They're also pretty effective as Wulfen bait.
</gallery>

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Imperial]]
{{Template:Imperium}}

Sword

2016-10-16T21:14:52Z

2604:6000:1407:8035:859B:F591:8E41:909A: /* So why are swords so popular? */

[[image:gladius.jpg|thumb|300px|right|A Roman gladius (Pompeii Variant), one type of sword]]

Swords are probably the most commonly used weapon in Fantasy, especially by main characters. While certain fantasy races have certain specific weapons associated with them (Dwarves and Axes, Elves and Bows), all of them will make use of swords at least on the sidelines.

Real life shit: A '''sword''' is a melee weapon comprised of a long, sharp blade and a hilt to hold it with. In the real world, the blades of swords normally range between 50 to 150cm long and typically weigh between 1 to 4 kilograms, depending on the size and composition. Numerous variants of swords exist and have been employed since some ancient Mesopotamian metalworker decided to make the blade of a dagger much longer than usual.

== Love and Hate ==
There are two types of sword related retards.

*'''Sword Wankers''': Overly romantic morons who believe that the sword is the be all end all weapon until people got good with guns and tragically ended that. Buying into all that chivalry/Bushido nonsense.

*'''Anti-Sword Wankers''': People who respond to the sword wankers by going too far the other way. Seeing swords as worthless weapons that were only carried by overly romantic morons. Sword blades would always shatter on impact with plate armor and ten swordsmen would easily die to one guy with a spear.

[[Skub|Both are stupid]]. Swords were not the be-all end-all of medieval warfare. Other weapons did have their advantages. [[Mace]]s did concussive damage even if someone was wearing heavy armor and could break bones. [[Spear]]s had a longer reach and were better against cavalry. Halberds could deliver a devastating chop. This did not mean that swords were worthless. They were versatile -- short swords were excellent as a fallback weapon. [[Tautology|Double-handed Zweihanders]] could be devastating. Nevertheless, morons who think in bare basic binary believe that they are either the weapon of the gods or worthless rubbish. Ignoring that any civilization that developed metalworking (and a couple that didn't) eventually came up with swords.

== So why are swords so popular? ==
So swords can be outclassed by nearly every other weapon in various areas, [[Spear]]s are better at poking stuff (like cavalry), [[Axe]]s were better at chopping, and [[mace]]s and hammers are better for crushing people wearing heavy armour, so why use a sword? Because they're versatile, spears are long and clumsy once you got real close and easily get tangled in stuff (such as walls, forests, mountain battlefields, stuff inside castles...), axes were not good at deflecting other blows and took a bit of time and a fair bit of space to build up momentum (plus, they don't always cut as smoothly as sword, katana and sabres) and the same could be said for hammers and maces. If you got close up in a fight back then, a sword was your friend. Some swords are more pokey, some more choppy, some were balanced, but they could all do the job in a pinch. If you have a sword, you have more options available to you, though you generally need more training on how to use them.

Perhaps the biggest advantage most swords get is that they come with a sheath. This means you can go to war with a better specialized weapon, and when it's at a major disadvantage (say, you have a spear or a musket, and your enemy comes too close, or you have a poleaxe and the fight moves into a cramped space) you can just drop it and unsheath your a sword, which is while not ''great'' at anything is decent ''enough'' in every situation. Indeed very few warriors went to war with swords as their primary weapons, yet everyone who could afford it would definitely carry it to battle as a sidearm, often even choosing back up sword over a better armour. Also with a sheath sword could be comfortably carried in every day life, and indeed in most cultures carrying a sword in a peace time became a badge of warrior or nobility class (which were often the same).

A very important thing to note about them though, is that swords are weapons and weapons only. You cannot use them to cut firewood like battleaxes (though they can, it is not a bright idea, since it will chip the edge and you will spend more strength and energy doing so than with an axe; on another note, dedicated battleaxes have a very thin, almost sword-like blade, and are completely unsuitable for chopping trees — flesh is much softer than wood, after all), construct the camp or set field fortifications like warhammers, or use them as carving knives like daggers and have you ever heard of people going hunting with a sword ? Going against bear with a sword is generally a fucking stupid idea, even more so if you face things like battle elephants; you need either pole arms or ranged weapons against them unless you have a death wish. Considering all this, it's strange that swords are the go-to weapons of your average melee [[murderhobo]]s in any fantasy setting where they are supposed to fight giants and dragons on a daily basis. Though this may partly be the fault of unimaginative game designers or GMs, as the majority of magic weapons tend to be swords, or else you need to specialize in order to train with another weapon even if said weapon would realistically require less training in real life. Then again, murderhobos almost exclusively fight in duels rather than large formation warfare, where bringing a pike or other main battlefield weapon would be stupid in comparison.

== Dissection of swords in battle ==
Because swords are so versatile, it's best to go over a few of their various benefits to the user and why they're so commonly used:

*'''Balance:''' To start off, most combat swords have their center of mass near the handle. This means you have much better control over their movement than with any other weapon, able to stop it or change the movement angle much faster. However this same balance has a double edge, thanks to their good balance a sword can't hit as hard as an unbalanced weapon since you have less weight and mass at the point of impact. It's why relatively untrained axemen and halberds are still a strong threat, the heavy weight of the head means that when you hit, you hit hard, even if it is hard to change your blow's speed or angle and it's why swordsmen need more training than with other weapons.

*'''Defense:''' Swords also offer more protection than most other weapons - most swords are one handed, so it's easy to use a shield with most types. You can also use them to parry other weapons if you're really desperate, however parrying anything but another sword is generally difficult and/or dangerous. Spears, pole-arms, and other weapons designed for thrusting (including some swords) are hard to parry, weapons that have gathered huge momentum, such as axes or maces, would have a high chance of damaging either your weapon or your hand (bending the fuck out of your sword and making it useless or breaking it), or throw you off your balance and Flails (at full speed) can't be parried at all, but that's to be expected given it's their main shtick. However those can still be parried, kinda, but attacking first before they build up the momentum which the sword superior agility can allow. Or, if you are skilled enough, you can try to redirect their momentum so their weapon misses you instead of parrying it head-on with your edge and then counter-attack while they are trying to recover. Most swords also usually include crossguards to protect the hands of anybody using them unlike... pretty much every other common weapon.

*'''Training Time:''' One of the worst things about swords, they require much, '''much''' more skill than any other close combat weapon save flails, and while untrained militiamen with spears, halberds, or axes still could be a threatening foes, untrained men with swords possess a danger mainly to themselves. Though, on the other hand, a sword is just a sharp metal stick with a handle, so if you manage to master it, most of the core swordsmanship skills and martial art basics in general transfer well to other long, shafted weapons like axes, spears and quarterstaves, if you decide to train in using them.

*'''Space:''' One-handed swords require much less space to build momentum, so you can effectively use them in a tight shoulder-to-shoulder formation (unlike axes, maces and hammers), even two-handed swords will usually have a Ricasso (an unsharpened part of the blade immediately above the crossguard) which can be used to allow them to fight better in close quarters and even if they don't, they still don't require nearly as much space as great axes or two-handed warhammers and even if you're really hard pressed (let's say somebody closes in on you with a dagger), a fighting technique of the time was to just use the pommel at the end of the grip and just clobber your opponent with it, after all, this is the origin for English word "pummel", or you could also hold the sword in the middle (even though it's sharp, it's okay if you use gloves; it's called half-swording) and use it like a makeshift short spear, doing quick jabs with its point or trying to wrestle your opponent to the ground by using your sword as a lever, all fairly good techniques for very close quarters combat.

*'''Availability and Reliability:''' Unfortunately swords require the services of specialized swordsmiths, good materials, and much, much more time to craft. It's because of this and the associated cost that swords are commonly associated with nobility, they're one of the few that could afford the good ones. Though this situation slowly improved from Early Middle ages onward, and during the High Middle ages even common soldiers carried okay-quality, maybe used, swords as sidearms. Unfortunately too it's harder to replace them for this same reason, and since swords aren't magically immune to damage, they need regular maintenance to keep the edge sharp and rust-free. Chips in the metal could cause the blade to break on impact, requiring a swordsmith to repair or even reforge if the damage is extensive.

*'''Lethality:''' How a sword kills is entirely dependent on the type of sword that it is (this will be covered more later). The main types of damage they inflict could be divided into three categories:
:*''Slashing'' deals huge, extremely painful and bleeding wounds. The pain alone would incapacitate most foes, leaving them to the finishing blow, and if you didn't finish them, they would just bleed to death in a matter of minutes. It's effective against opponents with partial armor, prevalent through most of the history, as limb hits are just as painful and lethal as body hits, and limbs are usually more exposed, and if your opponent happen to have no chest piece, disemboweling becomes a nice effective option. Two main issues with slashing is that mail and god-forbid full plate renders it completely useless, and that opponents with high enough pain tolerance (Berzerkers and Mameluks did it through painkiller drugs) can continue fighting for minutes even with their lethal wounds, taking their killers (an likely more people) with them.
:*''Stabs'' from a sword on the on the other hand can be instantly fatal since if you hit someone pretty much anywhere on the torso you are almost guaranteed to hit an organ that's full of blood like a liver or a kidney, and then have the blood pour out of the big hole you just made in them. The issue with stabs is if your opponent wears any kind of metal armor on his torso (like all soldiers worth their salt before the age of the musketeer), your stabs generally cannot do shit. One of the half-swording techniques goes around this by holding your sword with a main hand by the handle and by off-hand by the blade close to the tip kind of like a short spear or a dagger with a very long handle, but this comes with such a huge list of downsides it's most times better to use an actual dagger. Coincidentally, most knights carried one roughly since 14th century.
:*And finally if you encounter an enemy in full plate or even chainmail, you'd better forget about hitting him with a blade, as it would only serve to damage your weapon, as swords generally don't cut through metal. Like at all. Yep, even the mighty Zweihander is not likely do anything. You'd be far better with ''bashing'' him with a pommel, or yet better use half-swording known as "deathblow", holding your sword by the blade, and bashing your enemy whin a pummel or a cross-guards like a makeshift mace or warhammer respectively. By the end of the Medieval, when plate became widespread, pummels and crossguards became arguably more important than he blade itself, especially if you want to [[Meme|End Him Rightly]]. Alternately you could hit him in the legs, try to knock him down and then quickly shove a dagger up his visor, a crack in his armor or groin.
:Typically in pre-sword-and-shot warfare everywhere from Japan to England (save hot and arid lands where armor is more likely to kill you with a heatstroke than the enemy with his sword) most people killed by swords are first injured in the legs, and then finished off in either the neck or head once they're down on the ground as it lets you avoid most of that annoying armour your sword is probably not made to deal with.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="100%">

== Types of Swords ==

Unlike, say, the [[spear]] or the [[mace]], which were pretty much the same all over, swords, being essentially jack-of-all-trades weapons, came in a bewildering array of shapes and sizes to fit the needs of the people using them. This is not a complete list (nor should it be, go to wikipedia), but it should give you a good introduction.
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">
===The Ancient Days===

A fair number of early bronze age swords look like big knives, because that was basically what they were. Societies figured out bronze working or learned it from someone else, found out that they could make serviceable bronze knives like their older rock ones, then began enlarging the shape. They also were composed just a blade with a handle (or hilt) bolted on, rather than having a tang, Others were simply a single piece of bronze with maybe some leather or cloth tied around the handle to make it easier to hold.

[[image:Khopesh.jpg|thumb|300px|right|An Egyptian Khopesh, a serviceable first draft that would be overshadowed by latter models]]

*'''Khopesh''': One of the oldest varieties of sword with a distinct sickle shape. Originally of Egyptian design, this weapon's distinctive blade allowed it to cut, hook shields, and even thrust. It was fairly good for its day in the bronze age, but in that day armor better than leather or padded cloth was a rarity. Its time was done once [[mail|chainmail]] and scale armor became common in the iron age. Despite most fantasy depictions of khopeshes having them as long as longswords, these blades were fairly small at 50-60 cm, since anything bigger made out of bronze tended to get bent easily.
*'''Kopis''': An ancient Greek short sword from the age of Hoplites, about 50-70 centimeters long. It curved inward and was a single bladed weapon on the inward curve. This did limit flexibility in slashing attacks somewhat when compared with swords with blades on both sides, but meant that a sharper edge could be put on edged side, which was important since at this point the Greeks only had bronze to make weapons, which does not hold an edge very well. A similar sword, the Falcata, was used by the Spanish, which also featured a knuckle guard.
*'''Xiphos''': Another Greek short sword, this one was double-edged and the blade resembled more of a leaf shape, giving it some extra heft toward the point. A secondary, cut-and-thrust weapon.
*'''Gladius''': The standard sword of the Roman Legions, a short sword about 60 to 80 centimeters long. This sword was the main weapon for the average Roman legionary. As one of the smallest one handed swords of its time, the gladius was decent at chopping and slashing, but excelled at stabbing; combined with Roman shield formations and the bash-step-stab-block move, this gave it a deceptively large effective range surpassed only by [[polearm]]s. The fact that Roman legionnaire maniples was able to crush Macedonian phalanxes in melee should tell you a lot about their effectiveness (though out flanking the formation helped). It was later phased out in favor of the longer spatha (a cavalry weapon adapted by the infantry, mainly as a reaction to increasingly mounted adversaries), which was itself a precursor to the viking sword, and by extension arming swords and longswords.

===Medieval Times===

As a rule, during the Middle Ages in Europe most peoples settled on straight double edged swords for the most part.

*'''Arming Sword''': Also known as the side-sword, this was a one handed weapon about 70 to 90 centimeters pretty much carried by every decently equipped man-at-arms/archer/spearman/knight ever. Often carried with a shield of some sort, it can also be used if your main weapon breaks or happens to be too long to use in corridors. When most people think of the classic sword-and-shield combo, this sword is what most often comes to mind. Often incorrectly called a longsword in games and other fiction, during the beginning of medieval ages this was the knight's primary weapon, because you generally didn't need anything bigger than it until later.
:*'''Viking Sword''': Often considered the progenitor of the arming sword, the Viking swords featured ornamental hilts, and many had unusually high-quality steel for their time, particularly the [[wikipedia:Ulfberht_swords|Ulfberht swords]].
:*'''Messer''' A straight single-edged sword, this German weapon basically became the poor man's sword because, according to the law, [[rules lawyer|its construction meant]] [[wat|it counted as a knife]]. Besides its association with shady criminals and brutal gang violence, It also featured an early knuckleguard called a "Nagel", or nail, which became very useful for parrying blows.
*'''Longsword''': A 90 to 120 cm long knightly sword, befit of any self-respecting knightly individual, it's your two-handed or hand and a half go-to knight killer with multiple functions such as sword(duh), crowbar, spear, and hammer. Though there are dozens of techniques to use the longsword, two of the most common and useful styles are the Italian and German styles. The Italian longsword technique allowed wielders to strike and parry quickly, greatly emphasizing on using the general physics of a longsword combined with well planned footwork. The German style of "half-swording" (gripping the sword with the right hand on the handle and the left on the percussion point of the sword) this technique allowed the wielder to use the sword like a crowbar and fight armored opponents more efficiently in close quarters, the objective being to use the sword to catch and topple opponents, leaving them vulnerable to follow-up attacks through gaps in their armor. It is also good to note that the longsword strikes faster and harder than the arming sword because two hands are used to wield it.
*'''Falchion''': This single-edged sword almost resembles a great machete, designed to combine the advantages of a sword and an axe. The blade is much wider in order to increase its weight, giving it better chopping power at the expense of balance and thrusting ability.
*'''Cinquedea''': Literally "five fingers", this Venetian blade straddled the line between a short sword and a long dagger (about 18-20 inches). One noteworthy feature was that the blade was obscenely wide, being as wide as five fingers, hence the name. It was a civilian weapon used in narrow streets, and frequently pimped out with etched blades. While the wide blade won't do much good against armor, it can give an unarmored opponent a pretty nasty wound.
*'''Estoc''': When plate armor became more common, some men carried the Estoc, which was basically a longsword with no sharpened edges but a very sharp and narrow point. The edges were left unsharpened, partly because a slash does no good against plate, and partly because the actual blade wasn't flat and wide, but thick and narrow, reducing flex and making it more rigid for dealing with heavy armor. The blade could be triangular, square, or even hexagonal.
*'''Greatsword''': Or Zweihander, is a mighty 120-150 centimeter blade that appeared somewhere around the 15th century which was mainly carried by fuckhuge men with fuckhuge biceps and fuckhuge balls whose jobs were to run forth as the vanguard and hack enemy pikes, pikemen, swordsmen, and occasionally cavalry to meaty chunks. Greatswords bear many of the same qualities as the longsword, though it was a bit slower and struck harder due to the weight, and also require even '''more''' training. One unique ability of the Greatsword was that it could be wielded like a short spear, featuring an extra handguard past the primary hilt. Good greatswords were some of the most expensive close combat weapons in medieval Europe, and good [[landsknecht]]s were the most expensive foot soldiers, but for the good reason, as they combined the devastating killing blow and armor piercing capability of the axe, speed of the sword, and were also able do chop through tough spear or halberd formations (and mind you Swiss pikemen, and later halberdiers, were the deathstars of this era). This, however, comes at a great risk, as while a highly skilled landsknecht can swing the zweihander pretty fast, he cannot react fast enough to reliably block enemy strikes because of the fuckhuge momentum of his sword, leaving him vulnerable to counter-attack if something survives his swing - even while they usually wore heavy armor, landsknechts were known to die young.
:*'''Claymore''': Scottish variant of the Greatsword. The claymore is distinguished by its forward-sweeping hilt ending in [[wikipedia:quatrefoil|quatrefoils]]. Not to be confused with later basket-hilted swords of the same name.

===The Far East===

Like in the West, the peoples of East Asia made use of a wide and diverse variety of swords which evolved on their own lines. Here are a few of these.

*'''Katana:''' The unstoppable God-weapons that can cleave through tanks, cut through time, and cure cancer. ''No wait, come back!'' That's all bull and no one who isn't stupid disputes this. ''But'', they were perfectly functional swords for their place and time. Japanese blacksmiths didn't have access to the quality of iron that their European counterparts did, neither did they have proper smelting techniques to filter out most of the slag out of steel, so they had to develop techniques to get the most out of what they had, including folding the billet and laminating steel of different hardness together. Because of this, the katana was made using heavier steel with less carbon, using uneased hardened steel wrapped around a softer core to give the blade a strong edge while the core could absorb more force than a blade made of a single grade of hard steel. As a result, Katanas were harder and held the edge better then European swords, but were way more vulnerable, prone to chipping and bending (it was fairly common for BOTH opponents' swords to bend when parrying, hence why Japanese martial arts avoided parrying whenever possible), and being made of very inflexible steel types it was less prone to vibrate at wrong blade alignment, which actually lowered skill requirements a lot - in other words it trades reliability for the ease of use, which is, in all truth, a strange trade, considering that it was mostly used by very skilled swordsmen that usually don't require something of that nature (however it IS partially responsible for katana fanbiynsm, as it's actually an OK weapon in the hands of complete amateur, unlike most other swords). Contrary to popular belief, the standard katana is rather short at only 60 to 73 cm long (a longsword would be 89 to 109 cm long). Also, you don't swing it like a baseball bat, you pull inward as you swing so the blade cuts as it goes. Historically, it was often kept with a shorter sword called a wakizashi, which was commonly used as an alternative to the katana in situations where the longer blade would be a hindrance (e.g. indoor fights). While in most circumstances, only one of the pair was used at a time, at least one school of martial arts (the Niten Ichi-ryū) exists that teaches a swordsman to wield both swords at once (Note, however, the school commonly teaches one to use a SHORTER blade in the off-hand, as carrying two swords meant for carrying with both hands is kind of, well, stupid). Katanas and similar swords were used by the Koreans and the Chinese to some degree.
:*'''Tachi''' - The katana's predecessor was between 68 to 79 cm long and had slightly more curvature, though direct visual comparison would be difficult. The real difference is how the blade was signed by the smith and the way it was worn (edge down) compared to a katana (edge up), even the word "''Katana''" means "''Sword that is different from a tachi''." The additional length and the extra curvature made the blade more suitable for cavalry, which was the primary role of the samurai at the time. The later katana was shorter and straighter which was more practical for a footman or a duelist.
:*'''No-Dachi''' ''(or O-dachi)'' - Translates as "Fuck-Massive Tachi" which was the Japanese version of the greatsword. Made famous to the west by [[/v/|Sephiroth]]. They had a blade usually 120 to 150 cm length and was a weapon intended for infantry, though the shortest could also be used on horseback, though it then focused on downward cuts rather than side to side slashes which could rape hordes (Samurai prefered to use bows or Yari (Sengoku) and Naginata (prior Sengoku) when on horseback, since it did a better job than making one's Tachi longer). Some of the biggest Nodachi include ''Tarômaru'' (Nagasa 180cm, Zenchô 262cm, 7.2 kg, forged in Kamakura period, widely considered to be the golden age of Nihontô), ''Nenekirimaru'' (Zenchô 324cm, Nagasa 215cm, weight unknown, forged in Nanbokuchô period) or ''Tarôtachi'' (Nagasa 220cm, 4.5 kg, total lenght around 3m). The latter belonged to a Sengoku period General, [[Gabriel Seth|Makara Jûrôzaemon Naotaka]], who actually [[Kor'sarro Khan|wielded it on horseback]]. Such swords are the longest, biggest and highest quality blades around. Generally got banned by the Tokugawa Shogunate when they legislated how long a samurai's swords could be, so most of them got cut down or relegated to ceremonial duties. A lower quality version of the Nodachi called Wodao (Japanese Sword) was used by the Chinese after a Kage-ryû manual got [[looted]] by the Chinese Imperial army, who then mass produced it to use against northern barbarians in [[Landsknecht|specialized units]], unlike in Japan where only specialists individual fighters used them (contrary to popular Shogun Total War induced beliefs).
::*'''Legendary Blades:''' So you might have heard in RPG's of the the Masamune and Muramasa blades, but in real life these actually refer to specific swordsmiths (though Japanese swords are often called by the name of their swordsmith) of which Masamune is the most famous, being lauded as one of the greatest sword-smiths of all time and his swords are held as national treasures even today. Muramasa came 200 years later and produced swords during the Muromachi period. In modern fantasy fiction, Masamune's blades are far more elegant and the mark of a more refined warrior while Muramasa's blades were considered to be bloodthirsty and were even banned by the Tokugawa Shogunate. Though directly comparing them is unfair, as they were both the greatest masters limited only by the processes of their time. Masamune's era had less technical knowledge to process the impurities from iron creating brittle metals, but Masamune worked this disadvantage into his blades as an artistic expression, causing crystals of impurities to form making his swords appear to sparkle. By contrast Muramasa most likely had all the same technical knowledge of Masamune in addition to 200 years of engineering development and probably suffered a bad reputation because his blades were far more utilitarian.
*'''To''': Korean sabers were 60 to 86cm in length and have a very similar appearance to Japanese katanas, though straighter and often with a shorter handle, making them primarily one-handed which is more suitable for its function as a cavalry saber. In fact, many katanas could have been converted into ''To'' by cutting down the length of the handle, but considering the shape of most surviving Korean swords, it is unlikely they did it a lot. Contrary to popular belief on both the Western and Eastern side of the Internet, caused by K-Pop propaganda, the [[Tau|Koreans]] DID NOT had traditional schools of swordsmanship, Muyedobotongji was published in 1790. This is because Korean had a mainly Confucianist society dispising violence under the Kingship of the Joseon dynasty, and as such had no martial culture. Before the Invasion of Korea by the Toyotomi clan's Hosts (1592 - 1598), they used mostly Chinese style Jian, which the Korean wore hung diagonaly from a waist or a shoulder in back to front. This is because the only traditional martial art of Korea was archery. Because of those reasons, the Imjin war was initialy a huge success for the Japanese Samurai armies ; on the land it failed in the end for logistic and strategic reason rather than tactical ones, and on the sea it failed due to very recently developped Korean warships (ironicaly, based on the Japanese warships), as it is often the case (for exemple, in the Satsuma rebellion during the Meiji era, the samurai rebels killed twice their numbers, but lost because they were outnumbered and lacked guns, artillery, munitions, comfort, support...). Even after the war, the Korean used mostly blades who were abandoned / forgotten during the Japanese retreat, or low quality replicas of Nihontô. All those swords were often rusted, because unlike the Japanese, Koreans didn't knew how to maintain them healthy. Some other exemples of the [[Derp|low quality of ancient Koreans replicas of Japanese swords]] include the absence of ''Kogai'' (kind of stylet) and thus the uselessness of holes in Korean ''Tsuba'', the absence of ''Shinogi'' (or only 1 sided Shinogi) or the use of hardware to keep the blade inside the sheath (while the Japanese Sword do have a Habaki that will fit the Saya perfectly). Those latter Korean swords' sheath were not kept hung by the swordsman, but thrown away as to not be bothersome, and indeed, none of the many illustrations of Korean ancient martial arts books are shown wearing a sheath, and does not mention the sheating process (unlike Japanese ''Iaijutsu'' and ''Battôjutsu''). One might hence wonder from where does come from Haidong Kumdo, Taekwondo, Hapkido and others. Those were in fact derived from Japanese Martial Arts taught to Koreans by the Japanese for purposes of cultural exchange and peaceful cohabitation through sportsmanship, mostly during the occupation in the Shôwa era, which is why they use Japanese inspired clothing, weapons and techniques, but also have controversial stories when trying to pass as older as they really are (mostly for [[Edgy|Nationalistic purposes]]).
**Of note, you might have heard of the '''ninja-to''', a fictional weapon invented by Hollywood to be used as props for movie [[Ninja]]s and perpetuated by RPGs and video games (including D&D). Well the Korean ''to'' is probably the closest physical analogue to the ninja-to as there has never been any historical evidence of ninja-to's as a ninja would never be stupid enough to carry a weapon that would identify him as such. Save for the Japanese Historicaly acurate ''Shikomizue'', which came in a variety of forms, some easier to hide than others (similar to the European cane sword).

[[File:Chinese_Dadao.jpg|thumb|300px|right|The Chinese 29th Division all carrying dadao against katana-wielding IJA troops.]]

*'''Dadao:''' A Chinese sabre meaning "Big Knife" in English. It has a thick, long, curved blade, and often has a handle half-as big as the blade itself, much like a very thick falchion or großemesser two-handed sword. This made the blade extremely durable and tough. During World War II, the Chinese Nationalists used them for defending Chinese territory against Japanese invaders. To just about everyone's surprise, was actually fairly effective in deterring any Japanese troops from getting too close, which was very useful when your foe likes to bayonet charge when they run out of ammunition. One highly specialized division, the 29th, (Ershi jiu jun) specialized in the dadao and became infamous for their beheading cavalry raids.

===Other places===

The guys outside of east Asia and Europe did some swordsmithing of their own, here we acknowledge their contributions to the world of swords.
*'''Ida''': A sword design native to Sub Saharan Africa (specifically Nigeria). There were a fair number of several types of swords used by sub-Saharan African peoples, some of which being similar to Middle Eastern scimitars, a few of which having a fairly common straight sword shape more commonly associated with European swords and others had rather exotic shapes. The ida is notable for having a straight blade which bulges towards the point.

*'''Macuahuitl:''' Some would dispute this weapon is a sword, but it still deserves a mention. The macuahuitl is from Central America and was used by the Aztecs and such civilization. Basically, imagine a paddle with grooves in the narrow faces that hold sharpened obsidian to make the cutting edge. Shards of obsidian can get really really damn sharp, sometimes having a monomolecular edge. As such a macuahuitl could cut through flesh and bone like nobody's business. But obsidian is volcanic glass, which means when a macuahuitl went up against metallic armor (such as, for example, the breastplate worn by a Spanish conquistador), said bits of glass would shatter, leaving its wielder helpless against the wearer of the aforementioned armor. The Spaniards though feared the Aztec warriors, who could almost behead their horses in but one swing.

*'''Scimitar:''' A family of swords of Middle Eastern design, including a number of offshoots such as the tulwar or shamshir, the scimitar was a curved single bladed sword, but could be one-handed or two-handed depending on its function or region of manufacture. Was made extremely popular by [[Drizzt]], who was famous for fighting with two of them on foot, though historically they were far more suited for fighting from horseback as the curved blade allows for fly-by attacks without the blade getting caught in the victim's bodies and pulling the rider off his horse. These blades were lighter than European counterparts (such as the sabre and the falchion) and had limited flexibility (since they only had one edge), but they were remarkably quick and sharp. Scimitars are one of the few blade weapons still in actual use today, with some Middle Eastern nations using them for executions of criminals.

*'''Yatagan:''' An inward-curved sword, popularized by Turkish Janissary, and adopted by many nations that fought against them or were conquered by them. Legally counted as a knife (I bet you've already seen that), since Janissary being slave-soldiers weren't allowed to wield swords which were weapon of free people. Notable by being the least skill-demanding sword in the Middle East and later Balkans (it's a sword, so "least" is still quite a lot compared to axes or spears) and being not as terrible at fighting people in armor as most other swords.

===Sword and Shot===

The age of the sword did not end the second someone worked out that a combination of a strong tube with one end sealed off, some black powder, and some pebbles could be used to shoot one's enemies. Swords and [[Firearm|guns]] coexisted for nearly a thousand years. The following latter day swords arose and were used alongside (and sometimes by) arquebusier, msuketeers, dragoons, and riflemen

*'''Flamberge''': Meaning "Flame Bladed Sword" which was a primarily decorative single handed blade usually used by officers who practiced rapier forms. While it could be said that the blades caused more damage due to the curves on the edge giving a saw-like motion with each swing; remember that rapier forms were practiced during the gunpowder-era where there were much easier ways to kill a man, and to properly utilise this in combat would require a very different form that required swinging rather than thrusting. Therefore the flamberge's REAL benefit was that anyone who attempted to parry a strike from a waved blade would catch their sword on the curves and unbalance their hold on their own weapon or make their arms ache.

*'''Flambard''': Forget what you think you know from fantasy books and video games, flambards are the two handed versions of flamberges. Unfortunately the terminology has been confused mostly by fanboys and collectors in the same manner as katanas have been. Just like a zweihander blade, flambards were meant to be heavy and the blows inflicted by them were absolutely lethal, so you could easily chop lumps out of dudes stupid enough to get close to you. On the other hand, the waved blade served a different purpose than the flamberge, of focusing force in a smaller area, thus increasing cutting power in a similar way axes do. This allowed it to cut through shields and armour almost as good as great axes (and don't get stuck inside them unlike axes), while retaining the speed and versatility of the zweihander. Flambard got a really bad reputation, due to ragged wounds left by it's waved blade having a nasty tendency of catching a gangrene, so people assumed the blade itself was "wicked", "cursed", or even "demonic" - during the Reformation wars people carrying ones were often blamed as Devil-worshipers by Catholics (who banned it as unholy weapon) and subsequently BLAMmed, which naturally meant surrender was not an option for flambard-wielding protestant landsknechts. In a way this reputation had partially carried to modern days, where flambards are often carried by villains and outright demons in fantasy or even historical fiction.

*'''Kriegsmesser''': A single-edged rigid top-heavy balanced longsword (sometimes slightly curved, sometimes not), favored by many German and Swedish mercenaries during the clusterfuck the 30-year war was. Basically what katana should have been if Japanese swordsmiths had all the technology Europeans stole from Arabs (who stole it from Indians) and all the juicy high-quality iron ore - it had the same benefit of easy cutting even without much training (very useful for a merc), but made with a spring steel it was quite resilient to bending and chipping, and of course it had cross-guards and a pommel, unlike it's eastern analogue. Despite the benefit of ease of use, however, the main reason mercenaries used kriegsmesser was because in some of the German states it was illegal for a commoner to own a "knightly" longsword. It was mostly used as a sidearm alongside some-pole-arm or a musket, and later fell out of use in favor of much cheaper arming swords.

*'''Cutlass''': A European broadsword from the age of Enlightenment. Cutlasses had a point which went off to one side and were often slightly curved, but were usually double bladed. A very effective weapon for chopping and cutting. The stereotypical user of this sword is a pirate, which is not an exaggeration as it was commonly used by sailors and pirates during the age of sail, though it also saw use on the ground in the hands of infantry. Cutlasses were still used into the first world war, although they had largely been superseded by close-combat firearms.

*'''Rapier:''' As firearms became more prominent, swords became relegated to the purposes of self-defense and dueling rather than full-fledged military warfare. Unlike most swords, rapiers possess long, thin blades (commonly about a meter long and 2.5 centimeters wide) with a sharpened point- useless for cutting, but perfect for thrusting. They were frequently made with elaborate hilts meant to guard the wielder's hands more effectively, preventing them from being disarmed (both figuratively and literally). Over time, the rapier evolved into the small sword; as the name suggests, the blade was made shorter and the hilt was simplified. At this point, they served more as status symbols than weapons in their own right, as duels to the death (at least with swords) had become increasingly frowned upon.

*'''Pistol Sword:''' In the 1600s, someone got a bright idea that seemed ingenious at the time: what if you stuck a [[firearm|gun]] barrel onto the side of a sword so you wouldn't have to fumble around changing your weapons in the middle of a battle? Unfortunately they were born well before they could make this into a videogame weapon, and much like most things in real life, the answer was not as cool as it sounds - instead of getting a weapon that could be used both as a sword and a pistol, you got a sword that was unbalanced and a pistol that was too heavy to aim with (and was also too expensive to mass-produce). Needless to say, they weren't all that popular, and remained more of a curiosity than anything else.

*'''Saber:''' The last type of sword to see any type of major military use. After firearms became the dominant battlefield weapon, sabers were still primarily used by infantry officers and cavalry up until WWI, when cavalry was finally made obsolete by machineguns and trench warfare, and more portable short-range firearms such as revolvers and submachineguns were readily available. Some officers still carry sabers today, such as those of the US Marine Corps, though for purely ceremonial purposes. While both cutlasses and sabers are curved weapons, the saber is distinguished from a cutlass in that they were mostly derived from the Middle-eastern Mameluke sword, being longer and more slender than the thick and short cutlass. The extra reach was more useful for cavalry while the weight of a cutlass was unnecessary for attacking at a full gallop.

*'''Shashka:''' When Russians conquered Caucasian mountains, they banned locals from owning swords, because they tended to rebel all the time, and because it was a good excuse to prosecute undesirables. As you might know already from the Messer and Kriegsmesser entries, this shit never works, and predictably Caucasians made a sabre that by legal definition counted as a big knife and named it (you guess it) "A Big Knife", or Shashka on Adyghe language. It's heavier and straighter than a proper sabre and lack guard, so it's a bit worse at drive-bying people from a horseback, but better at slicing them open when fighting on foot, being a bit of an all-rounder well suited for a region that favors cavalry that can fight on foot (because of all that mountains and valleys). Naturally, Russian cossacks, that took the brunt of peacekeeping/oppressing (depending on your view) work in the region found out it was a damn fine weapon for the task and adopted it to the point it quickly became their hallmark weapon. Modern Russian Cossacks still wear them, but nowadays they're mostly ceremonial.

*'''Machete''': Somewhere between a short sword and a long knife, the machete is, like the bayonet, still with us today. Essentially a short one-handed blade with a curved edge, it is mostly intended for cutting through undergrowth in tropical climates in the modern era. However in parts of Latin America and Western Africa "machete fencing" is still practiced.

</div>
</div>

== Sword related stupidity ==

There is oh so much of it...

=== Carrying a sword ===

For some reason, everyone in fiction carries their sword on either the left hip or on the back, from the right shoulder to the left hip. The latter we will come to in a moment, first we will discuss the hip-holstered sword.

While it is certainly true that carrying a sword on the hip opposed to one's sword arm, one has plenty of room to dramatically unsheathe their sword. In the Middle Ages and earlier though, this was not done like that for a few practical reasons. First up is the shield: when one is in formation and wants to draw their swords having a raised shield in one hand means that one has to keep their shield hand out of the way when drawing their sword, compromising their defense. If one is mounted on a [[horse]] (like a [[knight]]) however, the sword is not carried on the opposing hip for a different reason: drawing one's sword form the opposing hip would mean either pulling the sword past the reins or the horse's neck, which might very well result in cutting the reins or the animal's neck. These two problems for both mounted and pedestrian soldiers was solved in a very simple way: the sword was carried on the same hip as one's sword arm. This limits one's drawing distance, but unless one is a [[C.S.Goto|deformed munchkin]] you should be perfectly fine drawing a one-handed sword from the same hip as the sword arm. The katana on the other hand were carried on the opposite hip, but this was because the Katana was a slashing weapon as such you could turn your draw motion into a cut.

The second point is back-mounted sheaths. Unless you are Dhalsim from Street Fighter or are armed with knives you are not going to be able to draw a single-handed sword from your back. Doing so would involve over-stretching, pulling the sheath down with your shield arm (giving up your defence, a big no-no) and a short sword. Go watch a movie featuring someone with back-mounted swords: you never see them draw their weapons on-screen. And two-handed weapons are right out. Though it is true that for transport purposes weapons were sometimes carried on the back, to and from the battlefield are NOT such situations. Soldiers armed with large two-handed swords carried them into battle much like their [[spear]]-wielding colleagues; [[Dwarf|held over the shoulders as the soldiers sung songs of war and victory.]]

=== Parrying all day long ===

If you have a sword and your enemy has a sword, one thing that you can do is use your sword to stop the enemy's blade. This is called Parrying and it is a valid thing to do in a sword fight. However, in fiction (especially visual fiction) sword fights will often involve each side constantly slashing each other for minutes at a time hitting nothing but the opponent's blade. In real life this did not happen. Usually a sword fight is over in a few swings, especially one on a battlefield. Even in a "pure" sword duel (No shields), opponents do not slash and parry continuously like how they're stereotypically portrayed in medias and instead, only attack on short intervals before retreating and attacking again or until one of you suffers a fatal wound, for three reasons: 1. Eventually, you will suffer from fatigue and make a mistake, costing you your head if you don't take a few seconds to catch your breath and your rational opponent will be thinking the same. 2. Dodging the attack completely is preferable to parrying as it leaves your sword intact and actually leaves your opponent open for an attack. 3. Unless both of you have Slaaneshi-tier reflexes and are telepathic, it is nearly impossible for any sword fighter to match their opponent's moves in that magnitude for minutes-on-end that doesn't involve the duel being choreographed like a play. (Even if you were trained by the same teacher). A real sword fight, is NOT parrying all day, as seen [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQMqlFY7T64 here]

The first reason why this is the case is simple, the objective in a sword fight is to get your sword to hit the enemy, not his blade. The second reason is (if you have one) a shield is better suited to staving off an enemy blow than a sword. The third is that in a battle situation, you are vulnerable to another attacker if you are occupied in endless parrying. The fourth is that swords are not magically immune to other swords. If you parry a blow, your sword gets damaged, which is why the sort of "edge-to-edge" parry you always see in movies are questionable. It would dig huge divots out of the softer sword, if not both of them at once. Sword fighters of some schools tended parry with the flat of the blade unless they're using a specialized weapon with flanges or notches to catch and disarm or break the other weapon, while in others edge-to-edge was considered an acceptable move, since it provided better grip, more reliable block, better use of cross-guards and inevitable blade damage could be repaired later, while your cracked skull could not. It was a matter of [[scub]] both when sword-fighting was relevant and in modern HEMA community.

=== Swords and dual wielding ===
If you go to battle with a one-handed sword, you'd generally want some other weapon in your off hand as well. Ideally it should be a shield or a buckler, but lets face it: if you're going to battle sword is probably your sidearm, and your main weapon is likely to be two-handed or incompatible with shields in some other ways. So you grab your ''other'' sidearm, like a dagger or a small axe, or maybe even a mace or warhammer. Why not another sword? Well, wielding a single sword requires a lot of skill and attention to do it properly, and operating two requires ''more'' than twice of both, since you use the other sword with your off-hand, which by definition is weaker and less dexterous. That's not to say, master swordsmen didn't try it - some of them did, often with quite a success on tourneys and duels, but none of them was crazy enough to go to war with double swords when sword and something less skill-intensive is so much more sensible. Once you got two weapons in your hand you ''do not'' get to attack twice as often, like it's normally portrayed in traditional or video games - a good attack move requires muscle effort from a whole body, but by attacking with both hands simultaneously (like with showy "scissors" move movies and video games so love) you can only use your arms and to an extend shoulder strength. What dual wielding is really about, is attacking with one weapon and defending with another. This allows you to parry an enemy attack with one weapon and simultaneously retaliate with another, or attack with one weapon without compromising your own defense (much). So contrary to how it's normally portrayed in media and games, dual-wielding is a defensive technique rather then offensive one. And you'd need that extra defense, since with one-handed weapons you would have lower reach. This is also the reason why people didn't block enemy attacks by both their weapons crossed, which is another showy but extremely impractical move popularized by media - one weapon is almost always enough to deflect a blow, and using both you'd just throw away the immediate counter-attack feature, which is the prime selling point of double-wielding.

Now, in the Renaissance there was such a thing called the main-gauche or "parrying dagger," but these usually required special training to use effectively, and some models came with specialized designs to aid in parrying; for example, "swordbreakers" had notches to catch the enemy blade and twist it out of their hands, while the trident dagger had spring-loaded sides that could also catch the blade. However, daggers were not used to attack unless the wielder was able to lock blades and close in... which would put you in range of the other guy's dagger as well.

=== Cutting arrows and bullets ===

If hit straight-on, a sword will cut a bullet in half in mid-flight. The problem with this is that you are standing right behind where the bullet is going, meaning that unless your sword is shaped in such a way that it causes the bullet to split in a wide angle (This is usually done by shaping the sword's blade like long, flat diamond/parallelogram.), you are now shot twice. If you're not standing right behind where the bullet is going... why are you bothering cutting it in half? The same goes for arrows, but there is likely more batting aside involved (sort of like it goes in [[Star Wars]] with lightsabers and blaster bolts). The thing is, if you can move so fast that you can deflect incoming projectiles (the projectile from a decent [[Bows and Arrows|bow]] can easily go faster than your car does at close range) you should be able to just dodge them instead of bothering with looking fancy. But no human being is capable of dodging a battlefield's worth of arrows/bullets because those thing are just too fast and you do not (or even cannot) see them coming. So unless you're precognitive or have some kind of [[Weeaboo Fightan Magic]] you're not going to do well stopping projectiles with your sword. Oh, and this damages your sword of course.

=== Pistol and Sword ===

40k is in love with combining a sword in one hand and a pistol in the other and as far as 40K weapon stupidity goes, Games Workshop actually gets it almost right this time. In ye olden times, pistols were slow to reload and inaccurate so it only made sense to have a melee weapon along with the pistol and pirates were partially famed for this combo. Rather than shoot at range, they would close to melee range, deflect the enemy's sword, then stick the pistol in the enemy's gut and pull the trigger. Afterward, they would either drop the gun and draw another or flip it round and hold it by the barrel to use it like a club.

The other and somewhat more relevant reason that 40K uses pistol and sword was because this was a common weapon combination of the assault troopers in World War I; if you look at the Imperium's other tech, they take a lot of "inspiration" from WWI (several tanks are blatant ripoffs of real world tanks of the era). As the war progressed, commanders realized that defending a trench from an oncoming wave of men was handled sufficiently with bolt action long rifles supported by static machine guns, but these were useless when assaulting a trench. Thus, after discussing with the men who had the most experience in taking enemy trenches, gave them the weapons they requested: small, handheld, easy to use weapons, especially pistols, trench knives, clubs, and sharpened shovels. These were much easier to handle in narrow, muddy trenches where the rifles of the defenders were much harder to maneuver. Officers in WWI were also equipped with a sword and pistol as standard, and they weren't just for show, they'd get used both to direct their own troops and to clear trenches, both theirs and the enemy's.

Also, there are several additional reasons why it makes perfect sense in the 40k or 19th century context:
* A sword can never jam or run out of ammunition. Handy when you are engaging [[Tyranids|a swarm of enemies]]. Though you still need to sharpen and repair it from time to time, and it can break or shatter, this isn't nearly as much of a problem as it is for earlier firearms.
* A sword can parry. If you are fighting in melee against [[Orks|an opponent who prefers hand weapons]], and are armed with just a rifle or a pistol, you can only hope to hit your enemy and incapacitate him before he chops you down. Good luck doing that to an Ork. On the other hand, having a sword means you can at least try to defend yourself against other melee weapons. Makes sense now why a sword continued to be an officer's and nobleman's weapon well into the gunpowder age?
* A sword is not that noisy compared to firearms (or bolters, for that matter). Sure, a melee fight isn't silent, there are bound to be clangs and screams, but it's not nearly as overt as an unsuppressed firearm discharge which can easily reach ear-shattering 130 dB. There is a reason why people need to wear ear protection at gun ranges. Never mind it also produces flash and smoke, more so if you are using non-smokeless powder. So if you, say, managed to take an isolated enemy position within a wider front line [[Kayvaan_Shrike|with melee weapons only]], there is a good chance the enemy won't know about it for a while. This, or you can [[Raptors_(Chapter)|snipe from afar using advanced suppressed rifles and scopes]].
* 40k has [[Power Armour]], which can only be reliably threatened either by melee [[Power_weapon|Power Weapons]], or goddamn anti-tank guns. And unless you are a Space Marine yourself, you can't just fasten a [[Lascannon]] onto your belt and call it a day, so if you don't want to end up facing a Space Marine or [[Tyranid_Warrior|a similarly armored xeno monstrocity]] with just a lasgun, grab that power sword. Also, in fluff, power swords are remarkably good at breaking enemy non-power weapons while parrying, adding to their value in defence. Two reasons why they are very popular amongst officers and champions alike.
* This means there are gradations in weapon/armour interaction; [[Flak_Armor|flak armour]] defeats weaker [[Autogun|firearms]] and [[Lasgun|lasguns]], but falls to [[Bolter|bigger]] [[Shuriken_Catapult|and]] [[Gauss#Necrons|scarier]] [[Plasma#Pulse_Weapons|advanced]] guns, which are nigh useless against [[Power_Armour|power armour]], which can't protect against [[Power_weapon|power weapons]] or [[Plasma_gun|advanced]] [[Meltagun|anti-tank]] guns. So unless you happen to have the latter either [[Incubi|on very fast elite melee units]], on [[XV-8 Crisis Battlesuit|sufficiently mobile weapon platforms]], or simply [[Aspect_Warrior#Fire_Dragons|in abundance]], when Adeptus Astartes come for you, you are beyond screwed, just as in fluff.

=== Unsheathing fun ===

Quick: what sound does a sword (or any blade weapon) make when you unsheathe it? If your answer is something along the lines of SHWING!, think about how a sword would make this sound upon being drawn. It has to be dragged against other metal, but this can causes a whole series of engineering nightmares: if your sword is dragged alongside its sharp edge it blunts, which is obviously not desirable. If you draw it against it flat (or its non-sharp edge if your sword is single-edged) the engineering involved would have to be so precise that the sound is produced, but this would create such a narrow fit for your blade that it would be very difficult and heavy to draw and sheathe, and when temperatures cause the metal to expand or contract your sword gets either stuck or dangles loose in its scabbard. This is obviously not desirable as well.

A more accurate reproduction of what sound a sword makes is to pull up the sleeves of whatever shirt you are wearing: a soft "ffffp"-esque sound. This is because sword sheathes were often made out of wood or leather, with sometimes some kind of fur inside of it. This held the blade snugly in place, would prevent it from falling out if held upside down and would not provide more wear on your sword than combat would.

And whatever dumbass thinks he's 2cool4sheathes will soon learn that cutting his furniture/legs is a very good reason to start wearing a sheathe for his sword.

=== How not to make swords ===

[[image:Conan sword casting.jpg|thumb|300px|left|How to make a sword shaped ingot of pig iron which is of less value to you in a fight than a nice heavy stick]]

Making a sword from steel is a fairly complex and tricky process. Generally it was done by specialized Swordsmiths once societies got big enough to support them. Village blacksmiths could make a sword, though not good ones. Making a steel sword involves taking a form of ferrous metal (be it an ingot of iron, a hunk of scrap metal or a sandwich of different types of steels) and heating it until it got soft, gradually hammering it into a sword shape, re-heating periodically as it cools during forging and then getting reheating it again to temper it and quenching in oil to give it strength. A sword does take a fair bit of time to make. As it's a tricky job, swordsmiths did not live alone in isolated workshops but rather worked together in guilds to help train new swordsmiths, while whole families (male and female) were involved in the process of making swords one way or another. They were also not adverse to using mechanical assistance such as water powered trip hammers to help them get things done quickly and efficiently, though forging by hand did allow them to be more precise about things.

[[image:Chinese_Trip_Hammers.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Trip Hammers, for when a smith does not want to use his muscle for all the hammering]]

In any case, as it gets the hell beaten out of it during forging what you start with does not look like what you get when your done. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E6TzT0eCYs What a medieval swordsmith would not do is cast a sword shaped form of Pig Iron (the type of liquid iron which you can make with pre-industrial technology, which is full of impurities and carbon), wait for it to cool into a semi-solid form, hammer it on an anvil for a bit and dunk it into water.] If you try that and it does not shatter on the anvil or shatter after being dunked into water due to cooling to rapidly, it will shatter after the first blow.

Also, nobody ever quenched a blade by thrusting it into a living guy's chest. That is an obvious bit of often repeated embellishment and rumor about Damascus Steel blades (which were made with the previously mentioned sandwiches of steels) which wormed its way into folklore and you're a moron if you think otherwise.

== Swords in Fantasy ==

Swords are probably the most commonly used weapon in Fantasy, especially by main characters (the characteristic of the sword listed above makes it symbolic for a leader). While certain fantasy races have certain specific weapons associated with them (Dwarves and Axes, Elves and Bows), all of them will make use of swords at least on the sidelines.

Alongside the usual racial variants, many fantasy universes has some kinds of sword you wouldn't see in the real world.

===Busters===
Named after the "Buster Sword" from [[/v/|Final Fantasy VII]]: these "swords" are basically what happens when a human finds a giant's dropped dagger. In reality these weapons would be downright stupid to wield, as their heft and size would make them impossible to move properly, and, if you got to move it at all, your enemy would be done with your gut already.

You see, human muscle and bone ability to generate and carry physical force is limited, meaning if you have the sword twice the mass than the regular one you're going to swing it twice slower and with only half of the impact force behind it. This is a reason you'd never see a guy wielding a zveihander in one hand - it's completely possible (the thing is only 3kg at best), but without the two-handed grip no matter how strong you are you'd be better with a faster arming sword.

In fantasy, however, all bets are off and the lore can make up a proper explanation for why that particular universe need these fuckheug weapons; the previously mentioned Final Fantasy VII, for example, bullshits us that the sword is [[Derp|"not as heavy as it looks,"]] and is an almost entirely ceremonial weapon that Cloud is fucking stupid enough to wield with regularity. (It ''does'', in a brief flirtation with sanity, have some weight-saving cutouts... that are then stuffed with magic rocks.)

More examples of Busters could be the [[Iron Kingdoms]], who have a type of sword called "Caspian Battleblades", very heavy, dull swords with a head that spikes out to either side broader than the blade, made crucial for warfare because of all the [[Warjack|heavy armour]] walking about, and tend to have lots of cut-outs in the blade's center to reduce its weight. [[Berserk]]'s Guts also wields an ordinary Buster Sword, though he's super-humanly strong, has a mechanical arm, and regularly battles giants and demons.

===Gunblades/Pistol Swords===
As mentioned before, they were an idea that started in Ye Olden Times of the 16th century, where a flintcock or revolver pistol was given a blade or bayonet attachment to so that the user could get the benefits of two weapons in one system- only to get the drawbacks of both weapons in just the right way to make it worthless as a sword ''or'' a pistol. It evolved from the idea of mounting daggers on pistols, which had a bit more practical sense in comparison.

[[/v/|Final Fantasy VIII]], however, took it a step further and made a sword with a fucking pistol-grip for a handle, a revolver's chamber built into the hilt, and a long, rifle-like barrel welded to the flat side of its one-edged blade. Though, this is offset by the fact that the weapon isn't meant to be fired in the traditional sense at all; all bullets fired by a gunblade are blanks, intended to [[What|set the blade oscillating such that it cuts through monsters and other opponents better, like a chainsaw.]]

=== Lightsabers and their issues ===

Oh yes. These things. Specifically, their weightless blades. Because light weighs pretty much as low a mass as you can get not counting your dick (oh snap!), the center of balance of the blade is likely somewhere near the end of the blade (going by that's where the battery is, and that they likely weight more than the blade projector). The problem with this is that you are essentially wielding a lever which will, upon being hit, flop all over the place because your hands function as a hinge. This might be less the case when used in two hands but when used in one your sword will go all over the place when it is struck.

(There ''is'' some in-story stuff to justify this, mostly based around how the arc-waves that form the blade do have a kind of mass that balances it correctly, but this man is on a roll.)

Another point is the double lightsaber. Based on a variety of unbladed [[pole-arm]]s like the Gun or the Bo, it has a double-sized handle with the laser parts coming out from both ends. The problem with this style is that it gives the wielder only a limited surface to work with without burning their hands off. Maybe this can be discredited as training in the Force and all that jazz (plus, Ray Park is REALLY good at what he does), but this would still involve swinging a large dangerous ravestick very close to your body, and a good number of these styles involve holding the weapon near the end to gain great striking power at the tip of the weapon (like with a [[pole-arm]]. With a lightsaber this is not possible, though not needed since it can just cut through anything, striking power is unneeded just contact and letting the plasma do all the work.

And the lightwhip and all other kinds of outlandish lightsabers can go right fuck themselves. The "lightcrossguard" on the lightsaber of Kylo Ren (the guy from the [[Star Wars]]: The Force Awakens trailer) certainly looked silly, but for one: they gave him an edge in close combat letting him use them to burn his enemy's in a locked blade situation, and secondly expanded material say they are vents, his lightsaber is unstable.

===Oscillating blades===

Also known as: "vibraknives," "high-frequency blades," et cetera, these are blades made so that they vibrate at such extreme speeds that they weaken the molecular bonds of the material being slashed, translating into the blade being able to cut things that a normal sword would snap against and making them nearly indestructible in the process. Completely relegated to sci-fi stories and vidya. One of the most famous examples thus far is Metal Gear Rising: [[Derp|Revengeance,]] featuring a psychopathic weeaboo cyborg with a high-frequency katana against the world. The HF blade is depicted as being capable of slicing through everything, except materials capable of withstanding HF weapons. Against these, they have to be weakened enough that the HF blade can chop it into mincemeat.

The science SEEMS sound, but they don't ever explain how the extreme vibration needed to electrically sever molecular bonds doesn't shake apart the human wielder's skeleton or the sword itself, which is why even if it was possible to make them, they'd likely never be used in real life. They also state that the power of an HF blade is determined on how the original blade was forged before being modified, meaning that higher-quality blades yield better HF blades, as the HF technology only augments the properties sword, though Jetstream Sam, a Brazilian samurai in the game, wields his own master forged high frequency blade, which is so good that it could slice pretty much anything. His blade is apparently made from a well-forged katana that has been passed down in Sam's family; they don't ever really elaborate on how the blade's quality affects the transition into an HF blade, especially when Raiden's modern-forged blade is somehow of lesser quality than a genuine Japanese katana made of low-quality steel folded in forging to work out the heavy impurities.

===Mechanically-powered weapon===

This basically means that the sword is powered by an external power source, like motors. The chainsword, for example, is common in sci-fi worlds that have close combat, as it's basically a chainsaw in sword form and the motor helps the sword do more then if it was just a sharp chunk of steel. Realistically speaking, power weapons would be bottom heavy, making them awkward to use, and if it goes the chainsaw route, then it would be hilariously impractical to use at all in combat situations; things softer than wood or ice tend to get caught in and gum up the teeth of a chainsaw, flesh being one such material. So, your custom chainsword would be rendered useless almost immediately, and in fact would be rendered less useful than an ordinary sword against whatever you were trying to [[RIP AND TEAR]] at the time.

One could argue that the chainswords in 40K are made differently from actual chainsaws in that they're designed for cutting people in mind; the teeth are mono-molecular and are shaped like knives rather than the thick, axe-like notched blades of real chainsaws (which are designed to chew away at thicker and harder materials, like wood); allowing them to nick through flesh more cleanly than your everyday chainsaw. The motor would have to be more powerful than a car's engine, yet light enough to be carried in one hand, allowing it to run the blade at speeds that it the teeth won't get caught, while still making it as maneuverable as a standard sword. But that's technology in the grim future, as trying to make a chainsword with today's technology and engineering would make for a very impractical weapon.

===Magical materials===

In folk lore you can make weapons, typically swords since they are the weapon most associated with nobles in most cultures, out of any of a number of different types of special materials that have properties that grant it magical properties. A few of the more common examples are:

*'''Thunderbolt Iron''', which is a fancy term for weapons made from meteorites. In fantasy space iron swords tend to have magical properties or are treated as some kind of super steel: in D&D they are the source of adamantine. In real life, this was for many civilizations their first experience with iron and for some civilizations, a lump of iron-rich meteorite could be many times purer than what they could naturally forge and smith. That is if they could even make iron at all: the otherwise Bronze Age Egyptians managed to get a meteoric iron dagger into King Tutankhamun's tomb. The problem of course is the term "iron-rich" and many meteorites are either very small or made of rock or nickel that can't actually be forged; there is a good reason why Tutankhamun had a dagger and not a sword. Additionally, many meteorites have [http://xkcd.com/1114/ impurities that weaken the blade]. Still, bad iron is better than no iron and we do get plenty of big meteors to make swords out of. The late [[Discworld|Sir Terry Pratchett]] famously [[Awesome|forged his own sword out of a meteorite when he was knighted]].
*'''Cold Iron''', On the other hand, just being made out of iron by itself was enough to grant magical properties, as Rudyard Kipling said, ''"But Iron — Cold Iron — is master of them all."'' Iron, and by extension steel, have strong folklore traditions perhaps because that blood smells and taste metallic due to its iron content, or perhaps the "mystical" attraction of a lodestone to iron. In folklore, you could use iron scissors to ward off changelings, nail an iron horseshoe to your door to give luck, while an iron knife buried under the entrance to your home would keep witches away. In perhaps the ultimate example of the mythology of iron, in the Book of Judges, (Book seven of the freaken Bible!) God could not give the men of Judah victory because the other side had "iron chariots." In the modern "sci-fi approach," fantasy iron weapon's "magical" abilities are sometimes explained by its magnetic properties that can disrupt "magical" being's senses and abilities based on electromagnetism, and in some instances can cause them great pain or even instant death just from a physical contact or even being near. ''"All well and good,"'' I hear you say ''"but what does this mean for swords?"'', well honestly not much. It does mean your best weapon against things not weak to some other magical material like silver, such as fairies or demons, is a steel sword, but you were going to use that anyway since steel is better than any material not from the future. The importance of iron as an anti magic weapon only becomes important in settings where iron as a weapon is rare. The "cold" part is often a point of contention and it can mean that the iron has to be cold forged, i.e. never heated, or that it's just not hot now, or sometimes it's just a poetic term for any iron. (Room-temperature metals feel cool to the touch because, when held, they conduct heat out of the skin more readily than air does.)
*'''Silver''', unlike iron and meteoric Iron, doesn't work as weapon material in real life. Cost aside, silver is softer, heavier, and dulls much easier than a steel blade, but silver's tradition of magic goes further back than iron and in settings with werewolves a silver sword may be your best friend. Silver's magical tradition goes back further then iron (at this rate may as well make a page for magical metals) thanks to a unique property of silver, [http://microbewiki.kenyon.edu/index.php/Silver_as_an_Antimicrobial_Agent water in silver pitcher takes a lot longer for it to get scummy]. This led to it having reputation for healing and since healing is good (duh), for being holy. This trait of silver is also why we get the reputation for why vampires can't cast a reflection: old timey mirrors used a silver backing to get a clear reflection, and since vampires are unholy, they wouldn't cast a reflection in the holy silver. In fantasy settings, silver weapons often do less base damage but deal more damage against, or are the only thing that can hurt, unholy monsters like ghosts. It is also possible to [[Grey Knight|coat your realistic steel blade with silver]] (or gold, for that matter) without dulling it too much, and keeping it dangerous for superantural creatures weak against silver. Although given silver and iron lie on the opposite sides of electro-activity scale you'd better keep your silver coated blade very clean all the time, least it rusts down in a matter of months or even weeks, effectively being a huge-ass chemical battery only waiting for electrolyte to work (this is even worse with gold coating BTW).

===Super Sword===
Super Swords are a broad category of fictional weapons includes weapons made with advanced technology (Lightsabers, Necron Phase swords), Magic (Shardblades from Words of Radiance), divine origins or just are the product of super duper swordsmithing abilities (your memetic Katana). What they have in common is the fact that they can cut through basically anything with minimal resistance. They'll cut through armor and steel like nothing. Generally another super sword can resist them and maybe a few special items, but they'll go through a boulder like nothing.

{{MedievalWeaponry}}