2d4chan - User contributions [en]

Weeaboo

2020-12-11T00:26:29Z

2604:6000:B185:8A00:483C:C8D8:9F08:740B: /* What DOES make you a Weeaboo */

{{topquote|Ohio /tg/-kun, you are looking kawaii today uguu~ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧. Shall we play [[pretend]] on the futon after we eat our bento boxes desu? (>^3^)> Don't be Tsundere, you baka! It'll be sugoi!|Sample text of a typical weeaboo}}
'''Weeaboo''', commonly shortened to '''"weeb"''' in most conversations, is a noun/adjective commonly used as a perjorative for people whose main interests revolve around [[anime]] and/or [[manga]], in such a way that they are insufferable to everyone around them. The term has some controversy around it, as nobody can agree on where the threshold is for what counts as a weeaboo. However, it is still a commonly used term due to the prevalence of anime-related content on the internet and in media, including many domains that /tg/ is interested in.

In a nutshell, a weeb is the anime-obsessed equivalent of [[That Guy]].

==Overview==
[[Image:PBF071-Weeaboo.gif|thumb|right|The original PBF comic.]][[Image:We're all weeaboo.jpg|thumb|right|Welcome to 4chan!]]
The name Weeaboo is derived from a ''[[Skub|Perry Bible Fellowship]]'' comic, reaching internet stardom after the term was used as a wordfilter for "wapanese" on [[/b/]]. Although used in the comic as a nonsense word, it has since become synonymous with "wapanese" (itself short for "wannabe Japanese") until it supplanted the original term altogether. The term typically refers to people who believe that Japanese stuff is better simply because it is Japanese, with implications of harboring an unhealthy obsession with the culture and media of Japan (such as [[anime]]) while simultaneously managing to know very little about it. The term has spun off to describe other types of obsessions, such as Teaboo (girls obsessed with stereotypical Proper British culture, specifically the new Sherlock show and [[Doctor Who|The Eleventh Doctor]]), Koreaboos (girls obsessed with K-Pop boy bands; considering the West hasn't really had actual boy bands since the 90s, it's not hard to see why), Wehraboos (people obsessed with the [[nazi|Third Reich]], particularly it's military and though being a nazi is not a prequisite for being a wehraboo, many of them still are) and Wolfaboo (kids obsessed with wolves, may or may not overlap with [[furry|furries]]).

They are also known to hate all other <s>Asian</s> cultures and think that Japan is the "Best <s>Asia</s> Country Ever!", despite not knowing that just seventy years ago (and before!), the Japanese and Japan itself was one of the most [[Imperium of Man|conservative, imperialistic, xenophobic, theocratic, fascist nations in the world]], hated or despised by almost everybody else, with the majority of the vote stemming from [[China]] and [[Asians|Korea]] (just open a history book you lazies). Modern Japan was given a rise in popularity due to American propaganda, as THE Capitalist Ally in the East, and the new Japanese generation, after being nuked to submission, putting on a new liberal democratic theme presenting themselves as sexually-liberal free-market libertarians with almost no similarity to their past conservative-fascist ancestors, to the point that they became the opposite. While conservative-Imperial Japan boasted a high population rise, modern anime Japan is almost sterile to the point of extinction. This isn't surprising, given their [[hive|issues with having space for everyone]] (fortunately, not as bad as it could be... yet). It helps that conservative-Imperial [[Japan]] arranged-married pretty much everyone. It was much quicker to get people making babies that way.

Aside from the association with a real-world nationality and culture, everything wrong with weeaboos (obsession to the point of breaking with reality, among other things) could just as easily be applied to [[bronies]], [[furries]], or [[That Guy|any fandom, really]]. Weeaboos simply get a lot of attention because it gets applied to a whole ''medium'' where many of the same tropes and stereotypes will cross-pollinate over many different franchises, thus making weebs very numerous and visible. Nobody really knows why weebs behave the way they do; some people blame anime itself, but more likely these people are just sad and lonely individuals who were badly socialized growing up, and likely didn't have enough sane friends to tell them when they were acting obnoxious and/or creepy.

==The Japanese side of the Coin==
In Japan, the Japanese have a similar concept they call the "Otaku"; there, an Otaku is basically a shut-in super-nerd who never leaves their room and obsesses over a typically nerdy hobby, and often leads to hoarding useless crap in their tiny apartment (in other words, a Japanese [[Neckbeard]]).

Weeaboos appropriated the term to simply mean "anyone who watches anime / reads manga", so be wary about applying the term across cultural boundaries. One key difference between otaku and weebs though is that otaku understand Japanese culture, and more importantly, social etiquette. With weebs, their only idea of Japanese society comes from anime/manga so they make the critical mistake of assuming that they're accurate depictions of Japanese social interactions, instead of being pure escapism.

People in real-life Japan emphasize being reserved and polite, with many, ''many'' unwritten rules of social interaction; this is very unlike the extroverted and loud characters you frequently see in anime. Visiting weebs who don't realize this quick may find themselves committing multiple social faux-pas without even realizing it.

Fun fact: Japanese people see no real distinction between eastern and western animation. If you ask someone what their favorite anime is, they're as likely to reply "Spongebob Squarepants" as "Naruto." Weeaboos, on the other hand, are extremely adamant that there is a massive fucking difference between Japanese anime and all other forms of animation, and that any non-Japanese animation that mimics anime isn't true anime (one such example is [[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]. Looks like anime, but made in America). It gets especially funny when you realize that reverse weeaboos exist; if you want some grade-A entertainment, go watch some Japanese people argue over dubs vs. subs on King of the Hill.

==On /tg/==
Because [[Moot]] originally intended for 4chan to revolve around the [[/a/]] board as a clone of Japan's 2channel imageboard, it's unsurprising that many 4chan users are heavily into anime. [[approved anime|Fa/tg/uys are no exception]], though many people will argue that it takes more than a love of anime to be a weeaboo. The key factor is the ''obsession'' and ''obnoxiousness'' that comes with being a weeaboo, which is what draws people's ire in the first place.

/tg/ has a tendency to use the word in a derogatory manner to describe anything <s>vaguely Asian in origin or inspiration</s> one does not like. This often incites the ire of fa/tg/uys who insist on the more precise definition of the term, resulting in [[rage]] all round.

Of course, the fact that /tg/ tends to name any female [[Original character, do not steal|original character]] [something]-chan <s>ironically</s> <s>unironically</s> who even knows anymore, and so many of the [[drawfags]] tend to have animesque art styles, means that fa/tg/uys are the most weeaboo people on the-- {{BLAM}}

In a weird way, one might say that weeaboo has made a full circle, and has returned to its origins--being of a word that means absolutely nothing, keeps getting repeated again and again, and leads to actions that are a complete waste of time.

'''tl;dr:''' [[DOOM: Repercussions of Evil|no fa/tg/uys, you are the weeaboos.]]

[[file:Weeaboo Heaven.gif|thumb|left|When a weeaboo enters /tg/]]

==What doesn't make you Weeaboo==
*A general interest in Japanese culture and history (this can knock a few points off the weeaboo counter if it goes for non surface level things that are the first things that people tend to absorb through pop culture, such as an interest in the social, economic, technological and cultural changes of the Edo period vs what kind of swords the samurai had).
*Watching anime and reading manga
*A general preference for said things over western fare of a similar nature (liking manga more then superhero comics for example)
*Eating Japanese cuisine
*Listing to Japanese Music
*Wanting to visit Japan
*Learning Japanese
*Liking cute shit
*Having a favorite character, specifically a "waifu" (though this can toe the line or worse depending on circumstances)
*Owning ''"normal"'' memorabilia of your favorite show (such as a T-shirt or poster or some action figures of robots)
*Calling yourself a Weeb ironically, self deprecatingly or purposely using it in the wrong context.

==What DOES make you a Weeaboo==
[[File:WeeabooDreamsShattered.png|thumb|250px|right|Weeaboo discovers the horrifying truth (From the manga ''Peepo Choo'', which tries to beat some sense into weebs)]]
'''Note''': This is a non-comprehensive list that includes all items that definitively make you a weeaboo; because the line between weeaboo and non-weeaboo is blurry, the traits shown here are deliberately on the [[That Guy|more extreme side]]. Someone who has traits that aren't quite as bad as the ones listed may still get called a weeaboo, but that's a [[skub|matter of debate]].

*Considering anime / manga as a superior art form just because it's from Japan
:* Galaxy Brain: complaining that early Japanese-made cartoons which still look more like the Western cartoons that inspired them (like [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htLKgRItMyA ''Danemon's Monster Hunt at Shojoji''] from 1935) aren't "real anime"
*Automatically thinking Japan and everything about it is superior to other countries for no conceivable reason, other than the fact that it's Japan.It’s just superior to AMURICA.
*Complain that any Western work of fiction is ripping off anime using very weak evidence
*Getting [[rage|angry]] when someone doesn't watch your favorite show (borderline evidence; can be found in [[Neckbeard|non-weebs]] as well)
*Refusing to acknowledge flaws in Japanese stories or merits in Western stories because of their origin
:* Note: Having intense arguments about which anime is better can still enter weeb territory
*[[Inquisition|Judging people's character based on their taste in shows]], especially if you're calling people who don't share your taste fake anime fans
*Accusing people who are watching a show you don't like of destroying anime
*Vilifying dubs as a matter of principle, regardless of actual dub quality.
:*For extra stupid: complaining about "dubs" and asking for the "original Japanese sub" for shows that were ''[[derp|made in English]]''.
:*Next level stupid: Only watching western shows in Japanese dubs with English subtitles.
:*Ultimate level stupid: [https://twitter.com/FlamingFreezer?lang=en| Harassing English voice actors on Twitter] [[what|and comparing voice acting in any language other than Japanese to bestiality and pedophilia.]]
*Eating Japanese cuisine ''exclusively''.
:*Bonus points: thinking the Japanese eat nothing but traditional Japanese food, despite the fact they've been taking a liking to western food for centuries (Tempura was brought to Japan by the Portugese in the 16th century).
:*Getting angry at people who eat Asian Fusion instead of "real" Japanese food
:**Alternatively: Only eating Panda Express / Asian Fusion because you have no idea what Japanese food is besides sushi and ramen
*Wanting to visit Japan [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWiI6JVX5PE and then getting disappointed that it's not like anime]
*Expecting all Asian people to have watched anime and be as big a weeaboo as you
*Learning Japanese poorly by watching anime, then slipping in the handful of words you know into everyday conversation constantly, whether your peers understand you or not (see above sample text)
*Shouting "Kimochi!" in public. The literal translation means feeling good, however the connotations are closer to "I'm cumming!", which is not something you use in a casual conversation. Bonus points for saying it in front of someone fluent in Japanese, who will either look at you funny and/or call the police out of [[Dark Eldar|fear of sexual harassment.]]
*Referring to everyone you know as -chan or -kun or -senpai at all times, despite you not being in Japan. (bonus points for using honorifics incorrectly or using them when describing yourself)
*Endlessly quoting shit from anime, whether it's appropriate or not
*"Glomping" (leaping at and aggressively hugging) people who at best only think of you as an acquaintance. This can be especially bad if you're significantly heavier than the intended target.
*Watching excessive amounts of [[/d/|hentai]] (look, we get it, for most people porn is porn. But there's a point where watching 30 cartoons a day about [[dickgirl]]s getting their [[anal circumference|asses rammed]] becomes a [[heresy|problem)]]
*Liking [[Lolicon]] or Shotacon (okay, maybe you're "just" a pedophile, but how the fuck is that better?)
*An obsession with Yaoi or Bishies, particularly stories with [[rape]] (most often applies to female weebs. The Japanese actually have a term for this: Fujoshi, which literally means "rotten girl.")
:*Taking your obsession into the real world by "shipping" real life dudes, whether they're gay or not (or you're just fucking creepy, in which case you're in the "Just as Bad" category as pedophiles).
:*Blackmailing creators into [http://www.newnownext.com/voltron-legendary-defender-blackmail-studio-mir-klance/05/2017/ making your gay fanfiction canon].
:*On rare occasion a Fujoshi may join your gaming group and become the female equivalent of [[That Guy]], usually by rolling up a flamboyantly gay character who sexually harasses the other male characters to an uncomfortable degree.
*Unironically rejecting all real-life women for cartoon women (aka "3D Pig-Disgusting")
:*Getting into arguments over how your [[waifu]] is superior and all other waifus are shit
:*Getting into arguments with artists over misrepresenting your waifu
:*Getting into arguments over whether or not having more than one waifu counts as infidelity
:*Getting angry at people drawing/fapping to porn of your waifu (as long as they are over 18)
:**(Getting mad at shitty artists for stinking up the search term with their poorly drawn art, particularly if the resulting art is objectively bad or doesn't actually resemble the character, and especially if the artist appears to be [[Internet Troll|just trolling]] is probably still on the non-weeaboo side of the line. Getting mad that most of the art caters to a fetish you don't share can also be on the non-weeaboo side of the line, depending on the character, fetish, and relation between the two, in question.)
*Running with your arms behind your back unironically or not as a joke. [[Stormfang|No, it's not more aerodynamic]]. [[Orks|No, it doesn't make you faster]]. [[Derp|It just makes you look like a tool.]]
*Most of your wardrobe and possessions are related to anime in some way, such as [[Games Workshop|mountains of useless and expensive figurines]] that are not [[Battletech|model kits]] (and before you say it, at least you can do something with [[Warhammer]] figurines besides look at them)
:*Owning expensive statuettes of your waifu
:*Owning expensive statuettes of your waifu that you legally can't show to minors
*Wearing cosplay outfits in public outside of conventions
:*Getting angry when a cosplayer isn't in character 100% of the time, or else is "doing it wrong"
:*Wearing cosplay when you are too fat to resemble the character's body type, especially if you insist that your cosplay is "perfect." Bonus points if [[Furry|you ''are'' the character now]], and everyone should treat you as such (though in all fairness there are plenty of Western media cosplayers who don't fit the body types either).
*''Unironically'' owning a [[wikipedia:Dakimakura|dakimakura]], because we all know what that's about.
**Going on dates with your dakimakura without a hint of irony
**Going on dates with your dakimakura in public that isn't part of a joke
*[[Katanas are Underpowered in d20|Believing Katanas are the best weapon ever and can cut through ANYTHING]] (and in the event that if they could do so if made from a hypothetical bullshitium alloy, that any other type of sword would not be able to do the same if made from the same metal)
*Going to the Holocaust Museum and taking a photo doing the Nazi salute because of Hetalia ([http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmwdem2a6P1qf7xf0.jpg yes, that actually happened])
*Shoving Hetalia characters into geography or talks about it during a class of international relations and expecting people to get your reference
*Attacking movies as [[SJW]], then sabotaging review scores in favor of a live action adaptation of a manga or anime.
*Whining about [[/m/|Mecha]] anime being 3D when only Sunrise even brothers with 2D mechs anymore after the airing of a certain shitfest by Trigger.

===Things that don't necessarily make you a Weeaboo, but are commonly associated traits===
*[[Mortarion|Bad Hygiene]]
:*Body Odor
:*Bad Breath
:*[[Neckbeard|Ungroomed facial hair]]
:*Greasy hair or skin
*Overweight
*Ill-fitting / dirty clothes
*Basement-dwelling
*Extreme social awkwardness
*[[/tg/|Frequent tantrums]]
*No verbal filters or social boundaries
*No volume control
*Elitist attitudes
*Getting anal-retentive about adaptations and rejecting them by default in favor of the original material
**This said, some adaptations are absolutely terrible and should never have seen the light of day to begin with.
*Constantly telling inside jokes that aren't even that funny to begin with
*Wanting to exclusively date Asians (assuming you're not Asian yourself)
*[[Matt Ward|Terrible fanfiction]]/[[original character, do not steal|unoriginal character]]s with [[Tau|strong anime themes]]
*Inability to relate to people or serious discussions without constant references to fiction
*Delusional behavior (e.g. being unable to separate reality from their favorite work of fiction)
*[[Slaanesh|Violating people's personal space]] or [[Blood Ravens|personal property]]
*[[Khorne|Reacting violently to shit that doesn't actually matter]]
*Stalking behavior
*Outright sexual harassment in the most extreme cases
*Calling real world people such as yourself (perhaps ''especially'' yourself) as a "[[Dere|Tsundere, Bakadere, Coodere, Dododere, Yandere]] or [[Dere|Dandere]]". Partial exception is granted for people who are explicitly in metaphor mode or reaching for a good description (e.g., "The closest word I have to describe his attitude towards the show is full-on Tsundere; he loves it so much he hates it.")

==Litany On The Weeaboo==
Suffer not them to live 
their evil kind causes good men 
to have angry faces, emotions livid. 
Their kind is cringe 
bad to the core 
it makes the sane become unhinged. 

Thought for the day: Beware the furry, the weeb, the heretic.

==See Also==
*[[Anime]] & [[Manga]]
*[[Battle for Dominus Pillowus]]
*[[BESM]]
*[[Katanas are Underpowered in d20]]
*[[Maid RPG]]
*[[Mary Sue]]
*[[The Book of Weeaboo Fightan Magic]]
*[[Tau]]
*[[Ribbon]]
*[[Rising Sons]]
*[[Tanto Cuore]]
*[[Waifu]]
*[[Mecha]]
==Links==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBfWKmRFTjM| A compilation of weeaboos found in the wild.]
*[http://gunshowcomic.com/ac/part1/ The Gunshow] shows us the social dynamics of a typical anime club.
*[https://i.redd.it/j8z2wup79gm01.jpg Let's see...] Annoying broken Japanese? Check. Fetishizing Asian dudes? Check. Implying he's gay with his best friend? WE'VE HIT THE TRIFECTA FOLKS!
*[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grape-kun Even penguins can be Weeaboo's, no one is safe now.]
You think we were kidding about the war crimes? [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nanking_Massacre]]. [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_war_crimes#Crimes]]. [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unit_731]]
[[category:Weeaboo]]
[[Category:RAGE]]

Cannibalism

2020-12-11T00:00:09Z

2604:6000:B185:8A00:483C:C8D8:9F08:740B: /* The Reasons It's A Touchy Subject */

{{sick|eating humans wtf}}

{{Topquote|No doubt the first man that ever murdered an ox was regarded as a murderer; perhaps he was hung; and if he had been put on his trial by oxen, he certainly would have been; and he certainly deserved it if any murderer does. Go to the meat-market of a Saturday night and see the crowds of live bipeds staring up at the long rows of dead quadrupeds. Does not that sight take a tooth out of the cannibal's jaw? Cannibals? who is not a cannibal? I tell you it will be more tolerable for the Fejee that salted down a lean missionary in his cellar against a coming famine; it will be more tolerable for that provident Fejee, I say, in the day of judgment, than for thee, civilized and enlightened gourmand, who nailest geese to the ground and feastest on their bloated livers in thy pate-de-foie-gras.|Herman Melville, Moby Dick}}

Usually defined as "eating your own species" or "eating a creature who, when alive, could carry on a conversation", '''cannibalism''' is an occasional feature of /tg/-related media.

==/tg/ Applicability==
Given how disgusting this topic is, and a [[/pol/|history of racism]] associated with talking about cannibalism, you'd expect tabletop games writers (and writers in general) to avoid focusing on cannibalism in their works, even in very grim settings. And they generally do.

But some don't! Exceptions include:
* [[Always Chaotic Evil]] races or monsters practicing cannibalism on the species, cultural, or tribal scale.
* Alternately, a well-trodden cannibalism plot point is human (or demihuman) flesh being passed off as some other meat, perpetrated by some malevolent industry insiders or especially callous authorities.
* The other main group of exceptions are "horrific magic" situations, where the myth of "gaining the power of what you eat" is played upon, near-universally with the caveat that doing so is a ''very'' evil act.
* The smallest class of exceptions just involves cannibalism as part of a horrific murder. Basically, there's nothing cultural or mystical about cannibalism here. The person in question is just a sick fuck.

There are a few scenarios that blur the line:
* Some of the darker [[Furry]] settings where carnivorous animals never stopped eating sapient flesh. But that's [[Great Unclean Ones|Furries]].
* [[Toon]] has quite a few scenarios modelled after "chase" cartoons like Roadrunner and Tom and Jerry.

===Specific /tg/ examples===
As a Tribal/Cultural/Species practice:

*In mythology (and thus freely used by tabletop games):
** [[Ogre]]s are categorically man-eaters (with a preference for eating babies), as well as [[giant]]s on many occasions.
** [[Vampires]] (both classical blood-drinkers and proto-zombie flesh-eaters) might also be classed as cannibals, though since they are undead, we tend to think of them as no longer being human to begin with.
** [[Ghoul]]s are fairly straightforward examples originally taken from Arabic mythology; their main identity is "graveyard dwelling man-eaters".
* In keeping with it's edgelord sensibilities, [[Warhammer 40k]] has a lot of examples. Here's just a few:
** The [[Dark Eldar]] feed their slaves with processed corpses of dead slaves, among other things. The Dark Eldar themselves may also indulge in the cannibalism of other species if they feel like it, [[grimdark|sometimes with their meal still alive and conscious so that they can additionally savor their agony]].
** The [[Kroot]] need to eat sentient beings in order to remain intelligent and regularly eats certain individuals to evolve specific traits.
** The entire [[ork|orkoid race]] is one big food chain in itself, and bigger/complex life forms will eat the smaller/less-abled ones below them if needed/they feel like it. A special mention however, goes to the eating [[squig]], an simple orkoid life form that is solely made for the orks to cultivate, harvest, and eat.
** Most orkoid species will also eat other beings if it fancies them, especially the orks themselves and larger combat squig species.
** The Imperium feed people Corpse starch (made from processed human bodies). While it could be an extreme example of waste not want not (as this typically happens in Hive Worlds, where resources are stretched thin as it is), it is a bit [[grimderp]] too. The rejuvenate drug that was used by high imperial nobility and officers are made out of human fetus, guess that's unavoidable if one wishes to live longer.
** Uncivilized Feral Worlds may have cannibalistic rituals within the tribes, especially if they're tainted by Chaos. Even if they're brought under the heel of the Imperium and the [[Imperial Creed]] is spread, this does not 100% guarantee that feral worlders will shrug off cannibalism completely.
** Due to their [[Gene Seed|Omophagea]], Space Marines can consume the the brains of fallen enemies to take in their knowledge. Some astartes chapters also incorporate cannibalism into their chapter rituals in some way (such as the [[Blood Angels]]' blood drinking rituals). The [[Sons of Malice]] chapter is one notable example, except they were declared a heretic as a result (reasonable since they having been consume a lot of chaos worshipers corpses during their services around the [[Eye of Terror|pinky hole of all obvious evil]]). This makes one wonder the point of giving Spess Muhreens such an ability, given most of their enemies would be likely to corrupt via eating them. On the other hand, having the ability to sustain on any being's flesh while fighting far away without supply for a long time is a convenient but situational ability for survival, truly just how the Emperor intended.
** The forces of [[Chaos]] regularly indulges in various forms of cannibalism (Nurgle followers for example, brew the corpses of defeated enemies into a variety of concoctions for consumption, and Khorne regularly involves the consumption of blood and other bloody gibs to worship him). Fluff however, tends not to not mention them too often, or in too much in detail when they occur.
** The [[Tyranids]] are a race of blind, ravenous consumption and will eat anything and everything, including themselves if needed. Hell, some of their [[Tyranid_Bio-Weapons#Fleshborer|weapons]] fire living projectiles that attempts to devour their target within their short lifespan. Although since they are not sentient creatures, hell, they are not even individuals, it is hardly cannibalism. More like predatory behavior. In DOW: retribution, there's a scene where the hive tyrant let it self consumed by the digestion pool in order for its mind to reappear somewhere else in the sector.
* Similar to 40k, [[Warhammer Fantasy]] (and by extension [[Age of Sigmar]]) uses the concept of cannibalism to add extra grimdark.
** [[Orcs & Goblins]] are as cannibalistic as their 40k counterparts.
** Ghouls are former humans who have been deformed into monsters by the act of cannibalism. In AoS they're part the [[Flesh-Eater Courts]], who have the added distinction of being deluded into believing they're being gallant knights when they devour people.
**The Mourngul is another monster created from men driven to cannibalism, because for some reason the setting really needed two monsters with the same gimmick.
**The [[Ogre Kingdoms|Ogres]] are a race whose most distinctive feature is their constant hunger. Given that Ogres generally don't have a concept of morals, cannibalism is common amongst them.
** The human worshipers of [[Khorne]] in Age of Sigmar are often shown as being cannibals.
** Cannibalism is a big part of the Skaven. To them life is cheap, food is expensive and often someone can serve you better as lunch than as a wounded slave or as a backstabber.
* [[Dungeons and Dragons]] have many "true omnivores"; we won't count them unless they are intelligent.
** Xanxost the Slaad, a frequent narrator in various [[Planescape]] books, would usually discuss the taste of some of the (sentient) species he was discussing. Usually as a punchline.
** The "Flinds", a tribe or subspecies of [[Gnoll]] that eats other Gnolls, along with just about all the other races.
** The halflings of [[Dark Sun]] eat only other races; but they're called "cannibals" anyway.

* [[Paranoia]] has a few scenarios centering either around it, or the implication that Friend Computer's Food Processors use deceased Citizens of Alpha Complex as an input.
* [[Lamentations of the Flame Princess]]'s author had a [[Magical realm|particular fondness]] for including cannibalism in his works.

As a "Horrific Magic":

* Diablerie, from [[Vampire: The Masquerade]] and [[Vampire: The Requiem]], which involves eating another vampire's ''soul'' through their blood.
* The Devourers of the Flesh, from [[Mage: The Awakening]], a Left-Handed Path that are more or less exactly what their name claims.

==Standard Cannibalism Jokes==
There are a few standard jokes or items referred to in word-play associated with cannibalism:

* The name "Long Pig" or "Long pork", from the semi-euphemistic description of the dish by certain Polynesian tribes.
* The actual taste of human meat has been compared to either pork or veal, depending on who you ask, and how it's prepared. Human musculature more resembles that of young cows, but our diet more closely resembles that of pigs (cows being obligate herbivores, pigs being omnivores).
* "Soylent Green" is the other favorite name for processed human flesh, after the movie of the same name and the book it was based on, "Make Room! Make Room!"
* [[The Lord of the Rings|LOOKS LIKE MEAT'S BACK ON THE MENU BOYS!]]

==The Reasons It's A Touchy Subject==
There are five main reasons why most modern media either avoids cannibalism, or downplays it:

#Most mammals (that includes you!) are instinctively predisposed to avoid cannibalism (barring ''severe'' stress such as starvation), since, as mentioned above, cannibalism is a '''really''' great way to spread disease, as well as prion diseases.
#Eating people generally involves human corpses, which begs the question of where the corpses came from. Most people find the idea of someone being murdered to be eaten highly disturbing.
#[[Kroot|Native tribes were frequently accused of being cannibals or portrayed as being cannibals when they weren't. Many tribes who did practice cannibalism were mis-attributed as to when they practiced it. Given the subsequent abuse of the accusation by blatant racists to dehumanize natives, most modern works try to avoid the subject entirely to not be accused (even by double proxy) of propagating racist stereotypes.]]

==History & Biology==
Multiple cultures throughout history have practiced cannibalism, more for mystic/cultural reasons than out of necessity. The most common notion behind ritual cannibalism is that by consuming an enemy's flesh, a person would gain their strength. That being said, the practice was near-universally banned by nearly every group that had enough food (read: protein) to go around, for fairly obvious ethical, moral and hygienic reasons. Eating your own species is a '''really''' great way to spread disease, and not a very polite thing to do to a stranger.

A prominent example of a disease spread by cannibalism is Kuru, a prion-based neurodegenerative disease which affected the Fore people of Papua New Guinea through their tradition of consuming their dead as part of the funeral rite (it was thought to free the spirit of the deceased). Symptoms include muscle tremors, loss of coordination leading to the inability to walk or even sit without support, emotional instability, and certain death. Things like this probably helped lead to the idea of ghouls and other such degraded man eaters.

More common is cannibalism by desperation. If fields burned before harvest lie under snow, storehouses plundered by passing armies, what little escaped pillage is either locked away in hordes or rationed out in sub-subsistence portions, game (including sparrows and rats) is running thin and people will kill each other for a sack of turnips, turning the remains of a dead enemy patrol into warrior-burgers and knight-steaks so you might make it to till the land again beats an otherwise assured miserable death. This sort of thing, while still unpleasant, is not so much evil as tragic.

Further, cannibalism was enough of an occasional feature of nautical life (almost always in fairly extreme circumstances involving a lack of food) to be somewhat regularly discussed when the subject came up. This side of the subject is probably beyond the nature of this article, save to note that it kept "civilized" people from being ''too'' high-and-mighty about the practice.

Also of particular interest, as it gets cited in /tg/ related discussions of the subject: the mating habits of certain insects, the females of which may eat the males after mating--although, by most biologists' accounts, many such species do so only rarely, except when in captivity.

[[Category:History]]

Cannibalism

2020-12-10T23:59:00Z

2604:6000:B185:8A00:483C:C8D8:9F08:740B: /* The Reasons It's A Touchy Subject */

{{sick|eating humans wtf}}

{{Topquote|No doubt the first man that ever murdered an ox was regarded as a murderer; perhaps he was hung; and if he had been put on his trial by oxen, he certainly would have been; and he certainly deserved it if any murderer does. Go to the meat-market of a Saturday night and see the crowds of live bipeds staring up at the long rows of dead quadrupeds. Does not that sight take a tooth out of the cannibal's jaw? Cannibals? who is not a cannibal? I tell you it will be more tolerable for the Fejee that salted down a lean missionary in his cellar against a coming famine; it will be more tolerable for that provident Fejee, I say, in the day of judgment, than for thee, civilized and enlightened gourmand, who nailest geese to the ground and feastest on their bloated livers in thy pate-de-foie-gras.|Herman Melville, Moby Dick}}

Usually defined as "eating your own species" or "eating a creature who, when alive, could carry on a conversation", '''cannibalism''' is an occasional feature of /tg/-related media.

==/tg/ Applicability==
Given how disgusting this topic is, and a [[/pol/|history of racism]] associated with talking about cannibalism, you'd expect tabletop games writers (and writers in general) to avoid focusing on cannibalism in their works, even in very grim settings. And they generally do.

But some don't! Exceptions include:
* [[Always Chaotic Evil]] races or monsters practicing cannibalism on the species, cultural, or tribal scale.
* Alternately, a well-trodden cannibalism plot point is human (or demihuman) flesh being passed off as some other meat, perpetrated by some malevolent industry insiders or especially callous authorities.
* The other main group of exceptions are "horrific magic" situations, where the myth of "gaining the power of what you eat" is played upon, near-universally with the caveat that doing so is a ''very'' evil act.
* The smallest class of exceptions just involves cannibalism as part of a horrific murder. Basically, there's nothing cultural or mystical about cannibalism here. The person in question is just a sick fuck.

There are a few scenarios that blur the line:
* Some of the darker [[Furry]] settings where carnivorous animals never stopped eating sapient flesh. But that's [[Great Unclean Ones|Furries]].
* [[Toon]] has quite a few scenarios modelled after "chase" cartoons like Roadrunner and Tom and Jerry.

===Specific /tg/ examples===
As a Tribal/Cultural/Species practice:

*In mythology (and thus freely used by tabletop games):
** [[Ogre]]s are categorically man-eaters (with a preference for eating babies), as well as [[giant]]s on many occasions.
** [[Vampires]] (both classical blood-drinkers and proto-zombie flesh-eaters) might also be classed as cannibals, though since they are undead, we tend to think of them as no longer being human to begin with.
** [[Ghoul]]s are fairly straightforward examples originally taken from Arabic mythology; their main identity is "graveyard dwelling man-eaters".
* In keeping with it's edgelord sensibilities, [[Warhammer 40k]] has a lot of examples. Here's just a few:
** The [[Dark Eldar]] feed their slaves with processed corpses of dead slaves, among other things. The Dark Eldar themselves may also indulge in the cannibalism of other species if they feel like it, [[grimdark|sometimes with their meal still alive and conscious so that they can additionally savor their agony]].
** The [[Kroot]] need to eat sentient beings in order to remain intelligent and regularly eats certain individuals to evolve specific traits.
** The entire [[ork|orkoid race]] is one big food chain in itself, and bigger/complex life forms will eat the smaller/less-abled ones below them if needed/they feel like it. A special mention however, goes to the eating [[squig]], an simple orkoid life form that is solely made for the orks to cultivate, harvest, and eat.
** Most orkoid species will also eat other beings if it fancies them, especially the orks themselves and larger combat squig species.
** The Imperium feed people Corpse starch (made from processed human bodies). While it could be an extreme example of waste not want not (as this typically happens in Hive Worlds, where resources are stretched thin as it is), it is a bit [[grimderp]] too. The rejuvenate drug that was used by high imperial nobility and officers are made out of human fetus, guess that's unavoidable if one wishes to live longer.
** Uncivilized Feral Worlds may have cannibalistic rituals within the tribes, especially if they're tainted by Chaos. Even if they're brought under the heel of the Imperium and the [[Imperial Creed]] is spread, this does not 100% guarantee that feral worlders will shrug off cannibalism completely.
** Due to their [[Gene Seed|Omophagea]], Space Marines can consume the the brains of fallen enemies to take in their knowledge. Some astartes chapters also incorporate cannibalism into their chapter rituals in some way (such as the [[Blood Angels]]' blood drinking rituals). The [[Sons of Malice]] chapter is one notable example, except they were declared a heretic as a result (reasonable since they having been consume a lot of chaos worshipers corpses during their services around the [[Eye of Terror|pinky hole of all obvious evil]]). This makes one wonder the point of giving Spess Muhreens such an ability, given most of their enemies would be likely to corrupt via eating them. On the other hand, having the ability to sustain on any being's flesh while fighting far away without supply for a long time is a convenient but situational ability for survival, truly just how the Emperor intended.
** The forces of [[Chaos]] regularly indulges in various forms of cannibalism (Nurgle followers for example, brew the corpses of defeated enemies into a variety of concoctions for consumption, and Khorne regularly involves the consumption of blood and other bloody gibs to worship him). Fluff however, tends not to not mention them too often, or in too much in detail when they occur.
** The [[Tyranids]] are a race of blind, ravenous consumption and will eat anything and everything, including themselves if needed. Hell, some of their [[Tyranid_Bio-Weapons#Fleshborer|weapons]] fire living projectiles that attempts to devour their target within their short lifespan. Although since they are not sentient creatures, hell, they are not even individuals, it is hardly cannibalism. More like predatory behavior. In DOW: retribution, there's a scene where the hive tyrant let it self consumed by the digestion pool in order for its mind to reappear somewhere else in the sector.
* Similar to 40k, [[Warhammer Fantasy]] (and by extension [[Age of Sigmar]]) uses the concept of cannibalism to add extra grimdark.
** [[Orcs & Goblins]] are as cannibalistic as their 40k counterparts.
** Ghouls are former humans who have been deformed into monsters by the act of cannibalism. In AoS they're part the [[Flesh-Eater Courts]], who have the added distinction of being deluded into believing they're being gallant knights when they devour people.
**The Mourngul is another monster created from men driven to cannibalism, because for some reason the setting really needed two monsters with the same gimmick.
**The [[Ogre Kingdoms|Ogres]] are a race whose most distinctive feature is their constant hunger. Given that Ogres generally don't have a concept of morals, cannibalism is common amongst them.
** The human worshipers of [[Khorne]] in Age of Sigmar are often shown as being cannibals.
** Cannibalism is a big part of the Skaven. To them life is cheap, food is expensive and often someone can serve you better as lunch than as a wounded slave or as a backstabber.
* [[Dungeons and Dragons]] have many "true omnivores"; we won't count them unless they are intelligent.
** Xanxost the Slaad, a frequent narrator in various [[Planescape]] books, would usually discuss the taste of some of the (sentient) species he was discussing. Usually as a punchline.
** The "Flinds", a tribe or subspecies of [[Gnoll]] that eats other Gnolls, along with just about all the other races.
** The halflings of [[Dark Sun]] eat only other races; but they're called "cannibals" anyway.

* [[Paranoia]] has a few scenarios centering either around it, or the implication that Friend Computer's Food Processors use deceased Citizens of Alpha Complex as an input.
* [[Lamentations of the Flame Princess]]'s author had a [[Magical realm|particular fondness]] for including cannibalism in his works.

As a "Horrific Magic":

* Diablerie, from [[Vampire: The Masquerade]] and [[Vampire: The Requiem]], which involves eating another vampire's ''soul'' through their blood.
* The Devourers of the Flesh, from [[Mage: The Awakening]], a Left-Handed Path that are more or less exactly what their name claims.

==Standard Cannibalism Jokes==
There are a few standard jokes or items referred to in word-play associated with cannibalism:

* The name "Long Pig" or "Long pork", from the semi-euphemistic description of the dish by certain Polynesian tribes.
* The actual taste of human meat has been compared to either pork or veal, depending on who you ask, and how it's prepared. Human musculature more resembles that of young cows, but our diet more closely resembles that of pigs (cows being obligate herbivores, pigs being omnivores).
* "Soylent Green" is the other favorite name for processed human flesh, after the movie of the same name and the book it was based on, "Make Room! Make Room!"
* [[The Lord of the Rings|LOOKS LIKE MEAT'S BACK ON THE MENU BOYS!]]

==The Reasons It's A Touchy Subject==
There are five main reasons why most modern media either avoids cannibalism, or downplays it:

#Most mammals (that includes you!) are instinctively predisposed to avoid cannibalism (barring ''severe'' stress such as starvation), since, as mentioned above, cannibalism is a '''really''' great way to spread disease, as well as prion diseases.
#Eating people generally involves human corpses, which begs the question of where the corpses came from. Most people find the idea of someone being murdered to be eaten highly disturbing.
#[[Kroot|Native tribes were frequently accused of being cannibals or portrayed as being cannibals when they weren't. Many tribes who did practice cannibalism were mis-attributed as to when they practiced it. Given the subsequent abuse of the accusation by [[/pol/|blatant racists]] to dehumanize natives, most modern works try to avoid the subject entirely to not be accused (even by double proxy) of propagating racist stereotypes.]]

==History & Biology==
Multiple cultures throughout history have practiced cannibalism, more for mystic/cultural reasons than out of necessity. The most common notion behind ritual cannibalism is that by consuming an enemy's flesh, a person would gain their strength. That being said, the practice was near-universally banned by nearly every group that had enough food (read: protein) to go around, for fairly obvious ethical, moral and hygienic reasons. Eating your own species is a '''really''' great way to spread disease, and not a very polite thing to do to a stranger.

A prominent example of a disease spread by cannibalism is Kuru, a prion-based neurodegenerative disease which affected the Fore people of Papua New Guinea through their tradition of consuming their dead as part of the funeral rite (it was thought to free the spirit of the deceased). Symptoms include muscle tremors, loss of coordination leading to the inability to walk or even sit without support, emotional instability, and certain death. Things like this probably helped lead to the idea of ghouls and other such degraded man eaters.

More common is cannibalism by desperation. If fields burned before harvest lie under snow, storehouses plundered by passing armies, what little escaped pillage is either locked away in hordes or rationed out in sub-subsistence portions, game (including sparrows and rats) is running thin and people will kill each other for a sack of turnips, turning the remains of a dead enemy patrol into warrior-burgers and knight-steaks so you might make it to till the land again beats an otherwise assured miserable death. This sort of thing, while still unpleasant, is not so much evil as tragic.

Further, cannibalism was enough of an occasional feature of nautical life (almost always in fairly extreme circumstances involving a lack of food) to be somewhat regularly discussed when the subject came up. This side of the subject is probably beyond the nature of this article, save to note that it kept "civilized" people from being ''too'' high-and-mighty about the practice.

Also of particular interest, as it gets cited in /tg/ related discussions of the subject: the mating habits of certain insects, the females of which may eat the males after mating--although, by most biologists' accounts, many such species do so only rarely, except when in captivity.

[[Category:History]]

/d/

2020-12-10T23:57:05Z

2604:6000:B185:8A00:483C:C8D8:9F08:740B: /* What You Can Find On /d/ */

{{/d/}}
{{WTF}}
{{Promotions}}
{{Bad}}
{{heresy}}
{{Sick|Where weirdest perversions are the norm}}
{{Topquote|You find very few people who want to eat things that are really not food or to do other things with food instead of eating it. In other words, perversions of the food appetite are rare. But perversions of the sex appetite are numerous, hard to cure, and frightful. ...We have been told, til one is sick of hearing it, that sexual desire is in the same state as any of our other natural desires and that if only we abandon the silly old Victorian idea of hushing it up, everything in the garden will be lovely. It is not true. The moment you look at the facts, and away from the propaganda, you see that it is not.|C.S. Lewis}}
[[File:D Goes Fishing.png|thumb|right|450px|/d/ in a nutshell.]]
'''/d/''' is 4chan's "alternative hentai" board, and therefore should have very little to do with /tg/ or this wiki.

Except that it has everything to do with it because just about every fa/tg/uy (<s>and ca/tg/irl!</s> tits or GTFO) is a /d/eviant.

And vice-versa.

There's a ''lot'' more overlap than one would expect at first glance.

/d/ is the closest faction we have to real life cultists of [[Slaanesh]]. It is also often referred to as /tg/'s secret Waifu.

A small warning: if you go to /d/, you might develop <s>mutations</s> new fetishes. Such is the corrupting nature of [[Chaos]]. Fortunately, these should be purely pavlovian and as such will go away if you just stick to vanilla stuff for a while.

The rules state that no Western-style art may be posted, since most of it is shitty (said art is instead limited to the recently made [[/aco/]] board). Occasionally an anon will post something worth looking at that is, in fact, somewhat decent.

/d/ has been working on a new logo lately. You can contact the person behind the revision at the e-mail address opnewdlogo@hushmail.com if you're interested in helping.

== Overview ==
[[File:Mantisgirl.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical /d/ image.]]
/d/ is the Hentai (Alternative) board for most of the *chans (most notably 4chan). This board is functionally where any hentai that is too extreme for /h/ winds up. What exactly constitutes "too extreme" is a matter of subjectivity, and virtually everything can be found on /d/ at some point or another save for the stuff that breaks the global 4chan rules (see below). Of particular note, /tg/ is a fan of [[-4_Str|muscle girls]] and [[Monstergirls]], both of which are kind of common here. Dedicated [[Warhammer 40,000]] porn is occasionally found along truckloads of '(insert monster from [[Monster Manual]] here) X human' depictions and [[PROMOTIONS]] flow like wine in a Bacchanalian revel.

/d/ and a few facets of it are routinely referenced/made fun of in [[Ribbon]].

[[Board-tans/d|/d/-tan]] is often depicted as a hermaphroditic (2 dicked) monstergirl with tentacle-hair. She enjoys [[FATAL|raping]] /x/.

== What You Can Find On /d/ ==
[[File:Guardsman_visits_d.jpg|220px|thumb|right|A brave Imperial Guardsman makes the unfortunate mistake of visiting /d/ without a flamer.]]
[[File:Chow mein.jpg| 750px|right|thumb]]
[[File:D, just like tg with more dicks.png|250px|right|thumb|[[Elf slave, wat do?| Ack ack, ack ack?]]]]
* [[Dickgirl|Futanari]].
* [[Trap]]s
* Creepy [[Waifu]]s
* [[Vore]]
* [[Slaanesh|Corruption]]
* [[Monstergirls]]
* Monsterguys
* /d/ Humor
* Chow mein
* [[Musclegirl]]s
* Solo Futanari
* Pregnant girls
* Girls giving birth/[[Heresy|laying eggs]]
* [[Tyranid|Girls getting eggs laid inside of them]]
* [[Slaanesh|Hermaphrodites]]
* [[Heresy|Shitting dick nipples]]*
* Human furniture, literally
* Futanari on male
* Tickling
* Lactation
* [[Dark Eldar|BDSM]]
* Morbidly obese girls
* Futanari on female
* Onara
* [[Heresy|Diapers]]
* [[Heresy]]
* [[Rape]]
* [[Slannesh|Tentacle porn]] (consensual and otherwise)
* [[Extra Heresy|Super rape]]
* [[Ribbon|Breast expansion]]
* [[Dark Eldar|Unnecessary surgical enhancement]]
* [[Heresy|Waterworks]]
* Flattening people
* Futanari on futanari
* Globalized Fetish threads
* Futadom world project
* Dozens of other things both tame and bizarre
* Things like [https://www.fenoxo.com/ Corruption of Champions], a Flash-based text RPG for those who like [[Monstergirls]]. Though the creator is a [[Furry|Furfag]], he's kept the various NPCs squarely within /d/ territory, so enjoy.
** He didn't keep things /d/elightfully un-furry with his latest creation, Trials in Tainted Space, a sci-fi themed game of the same caliber as CoC.
* Did we mention futanari? Because they're obsessed with it. /d/ practically stands for /d/ickgirls.

''*Actually not shitting ones, as [[Heresy|scat]] is not allowed; see below.''

== Things Not Allowed on /d/, of all things ==
* Furries
* [[Dark Eldar|Guro]]
* Scat
* [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position]]
* Excessively Western Art
* [[Derp|Hand holding]]

== The /tg/ Overlap ==
Common aspects of /tg/ that result from cross-pollination with /d/:
* The presence of [[monstergirls]]
* The [[Musclegirl]] motif, usually applied to [[orc]]s, [[goliath]]s, [[ogre]]s, [[oni]] and occasionally [[dwarf|dwarves]]
* The [[Shortstack]] motif, usually applied to [[goblin]]s, [[gnome]]s, [[kobold]]s and sometimes [[dwarf|dwarves]]
* Xenophilia threads for "monster" races, like [[orc]]s, [[goblin]]s, [[kobold]]s and [[gnoll]]s
* The idea that [[gnoll]]s are [[dickgirl]]s

== Vore ==
[[File:Dutiful Digestion.jpg|Thumb|right|300px|Proof that no force is safe from the corruption of vorefags.]]
'''Vore''' is one of the more prominent of fetishes seen on [[/d/]]. At its core, it's a sexual fetish about [[Cannibalism|people either eating each other whole]] or being eaten alive by animals, monsters, [[Furries]] or what have you.

...Yes, this is a real thing. Hell, it's so mainstream (within /d/) that not only are there usually multiple threads dedicated to ''specific niches'' of the vore fetish on /d/ at any given time, but that [[8chan]] had a ''whole board dedicated to vore'' before they got [[meme|vanned]]. This came about after ''their'' version of /d/ was so inundated with vorefags it decided to tell them all to piss off somewhere else (the same way that /d/ was created to tell the futafags to piss off somewhere else)! So great is the popularity of vore that thinly veiled vore threads often insidiously sneak their way onto [[/tg/]].

Now, you're probably wondering '''why''' vorefags come to /tg/ of all places? Well, this is not a kink that is possible to engage in, for obvious reasons, in real life. So, vore fetishists are invariably attracted to roleplay, like many paraphilics before them. And since they already engage in [[ERP]] on the regular, branching out into more normal (and less sticky) forms of roleplay is a fairly common practice. It doesn't help that most fantasy games are actually very compatible with the vorefag's [[magical realm]]. For creature-vore lovers, there's all manner of monsters to threaten to (or succeed at) devouring their players - especially monsters with the [[Swallow Whole]] special attack. In a little game called [[Dungeons & Dragons]] (and more obliquely, in [[Pathfinder]]), the [[Dragon]]s in the title are a great example of just such a creature! For non-creature vorefags, the abundance of [[magic]] and fantastical playable races means they can easily work vore into their games, with more first-party rules to work with than ''actually [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position|having vanilla sex]]''. Hell, vorefags have literally written [[netbook]]s all about playing their magical realm at the table! [[FAPP]] has a character class that ''specializes in vore''!

Not even [[Warhammer 40000]], long considered one of the backbones of /tg/, is free of their slimy touch. Indeed, the [[Tyranid]] faction draws them like iron filings to a magnet, since not only is their entire faction themed around consuming all life, they readily support that theme with units capable of swallowing enemy models whole in battlefield, and even official fluff stating that even the lowly Gaunt strain is capable of swallowing a human whole, if presented with sufficient safety, time and opportunity to do so. As [[Slaanesh]] officially has "Gluttony" as one of its sub-aspects, a vore-themed Chaos Champion would actually be legitimate (if magical realmy) - and there are references to Slaaneshi rites featuring cannibalism in canon. Then there's the canonical [[Callidus]] [[Assassin]] historical figure "Mother Gullet", who earned fame/infamy by swallowing a would-be rebellious governor's beloved infant son whole and escaping with him - although, ironically, the 8e reprint of the Codex: Assassins book would clarify that she actually spat the boy out once she was safely away and he was returned once the governor fell back in line, whereas earlier versions of the story had left it ambiguous if she'd digested him or not. And then there's what the ''really'' crazy fans get up to - case in point, the "fanart" above, which was created by one fan to embody their idea for a minor militant order of the [[Sisters of Battle]] nicknamed "The Sisters of Gurgle", who commit vore "FOR THE EMPEROR!".

As a result of all this, whenever a monster or [[monstergirl]] thread starts on /tg/ that revolves around a creature with a prominent fandom in the vore community, you should soon expect vorefags to sneak in and start gushing about their approval for such things. This is particularly true of threads about [[dragon]]s, [[giant]]s, [[sphinx]]es and [[lamia]]s - or lamia-kin, such as [[naga]]s, [[marilith]]s and [[lillend]]i. The proper way to deal with vorefags on /tg/, as with all unapproved fetishes, is as follows:
# Identify anons who ask for specific scenes or stories which contain vore in already-lewd threads (monstergirls et al.).
# Call them out for dragging a thread into their magical realm, and tell them to shut up or go back to /d/.
# if things escalate, mods or janitors may be required to lock threads down and ban posters.
'''Remember:''' ''"He who posts lewds on a blue board has forgotten the face of his father."''

== /d/ Music ==
Yes, there are songs that are quite /d/ such as:
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLGU7G-unkI ''Cathouse Tragedy''] by Voltaire
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RGrd9cLsW0 ''Penis Envy''] by Uncle Bonsai
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEPHLPmt914 ''I'd Like To Teach The World To Fap''] by Zone
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4HcuR3Iyso ''Pantscada''] from the Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt OST (probably more /h/ than /d/)
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2ayyuEiIMo 'Violent Pornography'' by System of a Down] (goalhorn of the /d/ [[4chan cup]] team!)
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLpfrhHSYoM ''I Like It''], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1jzVJjk32E ''I Must Increase My Bust''], and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDYjP0uLiDU ''The Power Is Mine''] by Lords of Acid (actually, strike that; quite literally anything by Lords of Acid would do).
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=remsKH-HzNQ ''Dirty Song''] by Cars Can Be Blue.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9Ios9Qv0XU ''La Ballade De L'Obsédé''] by Richard Gotainer.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgYSM91vJko ''Fuck the Pain Away''] by Peaches

== /d/ quotes ==
"It isn't gay if it's a feminine penis." — Anonymous

"What's the point of a futa with no dick?" — Anonymous

"What? You dont like dicks? Faget" [''sic''] — Anonymous

"We shall call it bitchwall for that is LULZ" — Anonymous

"I stuck my dick in a toaster for 5 dollars once" — Anonymous

== [[Meme]]s started by /d/ ==
* [[Brundlepenis]]
* [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position]]
* Jet Porn
* The Dorse

== Gallery ==
<center>
<gallery>
File:WinterBallThreads.png
Image:Text To Heresy.png| Sums it all up.
</gallery>
</center>
==See Also==
*[[/d/M]]
*[[/aco/]]
[[Category:NSFW]][[Category:4chan|d]]

/d/

2020-12-10T23:56:18Z

2604:6000:B185:8A00:483C:C8D8:9F08:740B: /* What You Can Find On /d/ */

{{/d/}}
{{WTF}}
{{Promotions}}
{{Bad}}
{{heresy}}
{{Sick|Where weirdest perversions are the norm}}
{{Topquote|You find very few people who want to eat things that are really not food or to do other things with food instead of eating it. In other words, perversions of the food appetite are rare. But perversions of the sex appetite are numerous, hard to cure, and frightful. ...We have been told, til one is sick of hearing it, that sexual desire is in the same state as any of our other natural desires and that if only we abandon the silly old Victorian idea of hushing it up, everything in the garden will be lovely. It is not true. The moment you look at the facts, and away from the propaganda, you see that it is not.|C.S. Lewis}}
[[File:D Goes Fishing.png|thumb|right|450px|/d/ in a nutshell.]]
'''/d/''' is 4chan's "alternative hentai" board, and therefore should have very little to do with /tg/ or this wiki.

Except that it has everything to do with it because just about every fa/tg/uy (<s>and ca/tg/irl!</s> tits or GTFO) is a /d/eviant.

And vice-versa.

There's a ''lot'' more overlap than one would expect at first glance.

/d/ is the closest faction we have to real life cultists of [[Slaanesh]]. It is also often referred to as /tg/'s secret Waifu.

A small warning: if you go to /d/, you might develop <s>mutations</s> new fetishes. Such is the corrupting nature of [[Chaos]]. Fortunately, these should be purely pavlovian and as such will go away if you just stick to vanilla stuff for a while.

The rules state that no Western-style art may be posted, since most of it is shitty (said art is instead limited to the recently made [[/aco/]] board). Occasionally an anon will post something worth looking at that is, in fact, somewhat decent.

/d/ has been working on a new logo lately. You can contact the person behind the revision at the e-mail address opnewdlogo@hushmail.com if you're interested in helping.

== Overview ==
[[File:Mantisgirl.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical /d/ image.]]
/d/ is the Hentai (Alternative) board for most of the *chans (most notably 4chan). This board is functionally where any hentai that is too extreme for /h/ winds up. What exactly constitutes "too extreme" is a matter of subjectivity, and virtually everything can be found on /d/ at some point or another save for the stuff that breaks the global 4chan rules (see below). Of particular note, /tg/ is a fan of [[-4_Str|muscle girls]] and [[Monstergirls]], both of which are kind of common here. Dedicated [[Warhammer 40,000]] porn is occasionally found along truckloads of '(insert monster from [[Monster Manual]] here) X human' depictions and [[PROMOTIONS]] flow like wine in a Bacchanalian revel.

/d/ and a few facets of it are routinely referenced/made fun of in [[Ribbon]].

[[Board-tans/d|/d/-tan]] is often depicted as a hermaphroditic (2 dicked) monstergirl with tentacle-hair. She enjoys [[FATAL|raping]] /x/.

== What You Can Find On /d/ ==
[[File:Guardsman_visits_d.jpg|220px|thumb|right|A brave Imperial Guardsman makes the unfortunate mistake of visiting /d/ without a flamer.]]
[[File:Chow mein.jpg| 750px|right|thumb]]
[[File:D, just like tg with more dicks.png|250px|right|thumb|[[Elf slave, wat do?| Ack ack, ack ack?]]]]
* [[Dickgirl|Futanari]].
* [[Trap]]s
* Creepy [[Waifu]]s
* [[Vore]]
* [[Slaanesh|Corruption]]
* [[Monstergirls]]
* Monsterguys
* /d/ Humor
* Chow mein
* [[Musclegirl]]s
* Solo Futanari
* Pregnant girls
* Girls giving birth/[[Heresy|laying eggs]]
* [[Tyranid|Girls getting eggs laid inside of them]]
* [[Slaanesh|Hermaphrodites]]
* [[Heresy|Shitting dick nipples]]*
* Human furniture, literally
* Futanari on male
* Tickling
* Lactation
* [[Dark Eldar|BDSM]]
* Morbidly obese girls
* Futanari on female
* Onara
* [[Heresy|Diapers]]
* [[Heresy]]
* [[Rape]]
* [[Nurgle|Tentacle porn]] (consensual and otherwise)
* [[Extra Heresy|Super rape]]
* [[Ribbon|Breast expansion]]
* [[Dark Eldar|Unnecessary surgical enhancement]]
* [[Heresy|Waterworks]]
* Flattening people
* Futanari on futanari
* Globalized Fetish threads
* Futadom world project
* Dozens of other things both tame and bizarre
* Things like [https://www.fenoxo.com/ Corruption of Champions], a Flash-based text RPG for those who like [[Monstergirls]]. Though the creator is a [[Furry|Furfag]], he's kept the various NPCs squarely within /d/ territory, so enjoy.
** He didn't keep things /d/elightfully un-furry with his latest creation, Trials in Tainted Space, a sci-fi themed game of the same caliber as CoC.
* Did we mention futanari? Because they're obsessed with it. /d/ practically stands for /d/ickgirls.

''*Actually not shitting ones, as [[Heresy|scat]] is not allowed; see below.''

== Things Not Allowed on /d/, of all things ==
* Furries
* [[Dark Eldar|Guro]]
* Scat
* [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position]]
* Excessively Western Art
* [[Derp|Hand holding]]

== The /tg/ Overlap ==
Common aspects of /tg/ that result from cross-pollination with /d/:
* The presence of [[monstergirls]]
* The [[Musclegirl]] motif, usually applied to [[orc]]s, [[goliath]]s, [[ogre]]s, [[oni]] and occasionally [[dwarf|dwarves]]
* The [[Shortstack]] motif, usually applied to [[goblin]]s, [[gnome]]s, [[kobold]]s and sometimes [[dwarf|dwarves]]
* Xenophilia threads for "monster" races, like [[orc]]s, [[goblin]]s, [[kobold]]s and [[gnoll]]s
* The idea that [[gnoll]]s are [[dickgirl]]s

== Vore ==
[[File:Dutiful Digestion.jpg|Thumb|right|300px|Proof that no force is safe from the corruption of vorefags.]]
'''Vore''' is one of the more prominent of fetishes seen on [[/d/]]. At its core, it's a sexual fetish about [[Cannibalism|people either eating each other whole]] or being eaten alive by animals, monsters, [[Furries]] or what have you.

...Yes, this is a real thing. Hell, it's so mainstream (within /d/) that not only are there usually multiple threads dedicated to ''specific niches'' of the vore fetish on /d/ at any given time, but that [[8chan]] had a ''whole board dedicated to vore'' before they got [[meme|vanned]]. This came about after ''their'' version of /d/ was so inundated with vorefags it decided to tell them all to piss off somewhere else (the same way that /d/ was created to tell the futafags to piss off somewhere else)! So great is the popularity of vore that thinly veiled vore threads often insidiously sneak their way onto [[/tg/]].

Now, you're probably wondering '''why''' vorefags come to /tg/ of all places? Well, this is not a kink that is possible to engage in, for obvious reasons, in real life. So, vore fetishists are invariably attracted to roleplay, like many paraphilics before them. And since they already engage in [[ERP]] on the regular, branching out into more normal (and less sticky) forms of roleplay is a fairly common practice. It doesn't help that most fantasy games are actually very compatible with the vorefag's [[magical realm]]. For creature-vore lovers, there's all manner of monsters to threaten to (or succeed at) devouring their players - especially monsters with the [[Swallow Whole]] special attack. In a little game called [[Dungeons & Dragons]] (and more obliquely, in [[Pathfinder]]), the [[Dragon]]s in the title are a great example of just such a creature! For non-creature vorefags, the abundance of [[magic]] and fantastical playable races means they can easily work vore into their games, with more first-party rules to work with than ''actually [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position|having vanilla sex]]''. Hell, vorefags have literally written [[netbook]]s all about playing their magical realm at the table! [[FAPP]] has a character class that ''specializes in vore''!

Not even [[Warhammer 40000]], long considered one of the backbones of /tg/, is free of their slimy touch. Indeed, the [[Tyranid]] faction draws them like iron filings to a magnet, since not only is their entire faction themed around consuming all life, they readily support that theme with units capable of swallowing enemy models whole in battlefield, and even official fluff stating that even the lowly Gaunt strain is capable of swallowing a human whole, if presented with sufficient safety, time and opportunity to do so. As [[Slaanesh]] officially has "Gluttony" as one of its sub-aspects, a vore-themed Chaos Champion would actually be legitimate (if magical realmy) - and there are references to Slaaneshi rites featuring cannibalism in canon. Then there's the canonical [[Callidus]] [[Assassin]] historical figure "Mother Gullet", who earned fame/infamy by swallowing a would-be rebellious governor's beloved infant son whole and escaping with him - although, ironically, the 8e reprint of the Codex: Assassins book would clarify that she actually spat the boy out once she was safely away and he was returned once the governor fell back in line, whereas earlier versions of the story had left it ambiguous if she'd digested him or not. And then there's what the ''really'' crazy fans get up to - case in point, the "fanart" above, which was created by one fan to embody their idea for a minor militant order of the [[Sisters of Battle]] nicknamed "The Sisters of Gurgle", who commit vore "FOR THE EMPEROR!".

As a result of all this, whenever a monster or [[monstergirl]] thread starts on /tg/ that revolves around a creature with a prominent fandom in the vore community, you should soon expect vorefags to sneak in and start gushing about their approval for such things. This is particularly true of threads about [[dragon]]s, [[giant]]s, [[sphinx]]es and [[lamia]]s - or lamia-kin, such as [[naga]]s, [[marilith]]s and [[lillend]]i. The proper way to deal with vorefags on /tg/, as with all unapproved fetishes, is as follows:
# Identify anons who ask for specific scenes or stories which contain vore in already-lewd threads (monstergirls et al.).
# Call them out for dragging a thread into their magical realm, and tell them to shut up or go back to /d/.
# if things escalate, mods or janitors may be required to lock threads down and ban posters.
'''Remember:''' ''"He who posts lewds on a blue board has forgotten the face of his father."''

== /d/ Music ==
Yes, there are songs that are quite /d/ such as:
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLGU7G-unkI ''Cathouse Tragedy''] by Voltaire
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RGrd9cLsW0 ''Penis Envy''] by Uncle Bonsai
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEPHLPmt914 ''I'd Like To Teach The World To Fap''] by Zone
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4HcuR3Iyso ''Pantscada''] from the Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt OST (probably more /h/ than /d/)
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2ayyuEiIMo 'Violent Pornography'' by System of a Down] (goalhorn of the /d/ [[4chan cup]] team!)
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLpfrhHSYoM ''I Like It''], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1jzVJjk32E ''I Must Increase My Bust''], and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDYjP0uLiDU ''The Power Is Mine''] by Lords of Acid (actually, strike that; quite literally anything by Lords of Acid would do).
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=remsKH-HzNQ ''Dirty Song''] by Cars Can Be Blue.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9Ios9Qv0XU ''La Ballade De L'Obsédé''] by Richard Gotainer.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgYSM91vJko ''Fuck the Pain Away''] by Peaches

== /d/ quotes ==
"It isn't gay if it's a feminine penis." — Anonymous

"What's the point of a futa with no dick?" — Anonymous

"What? You dont like dicks? Faget" [''sic''] — Anonymous

"We shall call it bitchwall for that is LULZ" — Anonymous

"I stuck my dick in a toaster for 5 dollars once" — Anonymous

== [[Meme]]s started by /d/ ==
* [[Brundlepenis]]
* [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position]]
* Jet Porn
* The Dorse

== Gallery ==
<center>
<gallery>
File:WinterBallThreads.png
Image:Text To Heresy.png| Sums it all up.
</gallery>
</center>
==See Also==
*[[/d/M]]
*[[/aco/]]
[[Category:NSFW]][[Category:4chan|d]]

Tau

2020-12-10T23:53:55Z

2604:6000:B185:8A00:483C:C8D8:9F08:740B: /* Alliances */

{{heresy}}
{{skubby}}
{{Plot Armour}}
[[Image:TAUSYMBOL.gif|center]]
{{Infobox 40k Nations
|name= T'au Empire
|image=[[Image:Tau_Empire_Flag.jpg|300px|center]]
|bgcolor=
|fgcolor=
|Capital= T'au
|Official Languages=Tau Lexicon
|Power= Minor Power
|Size=Approximately 36 Planets
|Head of State=Ethereal Supreme
|Head of Government= Ethereal Council
|Governmental Structure=Caste-Based Authoritarian Federation
|State Religion/Ideology=[[Greater Good]]
|Demographic=[[Tau]], [[Kroot]], [[Vespid]], [[Gue'vesa|Humans]], [[Nicassar]], [[Tarellian]], Nagi, Hrenians and other minor [[Xenos]] races
|Military Force=[[Tau]] Fire Caste, Tau Air Caste, [[Kroot]] and [[Vespid]] Forces, The Deathsworn, Hrenian Light Infantry, [[Demiurg]] Forces, [[Nicassar]] Forces, Gue'vesa Forces and other minor Xenos armies
}}
[[File:9jfnqeaplhexx.jpg|right|thumb|450px|Get the fuck out of the way, [[Imperium|Oldfag]]. (Vior'la Sept Fire Warriors)]]
{{Topquote|Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?|Luke 6:41}}
{{Topquote|Ce qui constitue une République, c'est l'extermination totale de tout ce qui lui est opposé. - What constitutes a Republic is the total destruction of that which is opposed to it.|Louis Antoine de Saint-Just}}
{{Topquote|The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.|Sun Tzu}}

Tau (τ) is the 19th letter of the Greek alphabet, 300 in Greek numerals, and also the name for 2π.

It is also the name of the Warhammer 40K race known as the '''Tau''' (or "bluies", as the Valhallan 597th call them)(or "Space Communists" as anyone on /tg/ will tell you), (or "T'au" as GW copyright lawyers call them), (or "uncreative retards" if you are an [[Eldar]], or "blueskinned atrocity" if you're a [[Imperium of Man|Human]]) are a playable race and a minor and overall insignificant power in ''[[Warhammer 40,000]]''. When first discovered by humanity, the Tau were a barbaric and primitive people. Their planet was then trapped in a warp storm for a few thousand years and they emerged from the other side as a unified species, led by the [[Druids|mysterious]] Ethereal caste and devoted to the concept of the "[[Greater Good]]". Their new empire supposedly has around 115 worlds, although only 36 of those have any sort of activity on them and the rest are either useless rocks or not shown/mentioned at all. They were growing until recently, when the Imperium sent a large invading force to counter them.

Although a dystopian society in its own right, the Tau Empire is noted for being one of the LEAST awful places in all the galaxy of 40k. It's also [[Derp|not really an empire]]; the Tau government, the Ethereal caste, is essentially an edifice of meritocracy and nepotism-Tau leaders are appointed to their position by even higher ranking leaders and/or a council of their future peers; the highest ranking Tau, the Aun'O, is elected by his future underlings, much like the Catholic pope, but is still simply considered the weightiest voice of a group (like a prime minister), not an Emperor with absolute power. Good thing that's not needed for being an empire. An empire is simply a nation that is focused on expanding.

The Tau started as a classic case of successful design-based [[Troll|trolling]] on the part of [[Games Workshop]]. They were originally developed because GW felt that their setting needed an optimistic race and that their wallets needed more money, which they could get by selling shedloads of 40k to the robot-obsessed Japanese. The Tau, therefore, are the least [[grimdark]] faction in the game; [[Tau Diplomacy|they're the dudes willing to negotiate when they've beaten their enemies]] ([[The Beast|we cannot forget the green skinned diplomats our boy sent out during his siege of terra]]) while all the others are either too [[Chaos Space Marines| murderously psychotic in ways incomprehensible to anyone who does not share the same batshit insanity]], [[Imperium|religiously overzealous]], [[Eldar|arrogantly indifferent]], [[Orks|simplemindedly violent]], [[Necron|murderously enigmatic]], [[Tyranid|more interested in eating you than anything]], or [[Dark Eldar|all of the above]] to offer such courtesies.

This began to change in the 6th edition. For all the claims that GW doesn't listen to its fans, someone seemed to have heard the incessant bitching many fa/tg/uys made over the Tau [[Belisarius Cawl|being shoehorned into the setting]] [[Primaris Marines|in the worst way possible.]] As a result, the Tau began to take on an Orwellian flavor and Imperium-esque elements, with the Ethereals being totalitarian autocrats performing acts of ruthless indifference towards their subjects, including [[Nazi|eugenics]] or up to [[Exterminatus]] of lost races (e.g. Orks and Tyranids), in the guise of being for the Greater Good.

Twelve year old [[fluff]] (from ''[[Dawn of War]]'', supported by [[Deathwatch]] supplements describing Achillus Crusade) has them arbitrarily sterilizing the rebelling humans on Kronus once they come under the rule of the Tau Empire (to be fair though, had it been anyone else they were revolting against, including the Imperials, those humans would be dead, [[Grimdark|most likely the slow and painful way, or even suffer such a terrible fate as to wish for death]]).

The Tau Codex leaves ambiguous the question of just how much of their success is due to various forms of indoctrination, caste-based conditioning, and subtle mind control. This has only been exacerbated by the recent Farsight Enclaves supplement, which makes the Ethereals come off as mustache-twirling, Saturday-morning-cartoon villains. It speaks volumes about the 40k setting that in spite of all this they're ''still'' the friendliest race in the galaxy.

Also, the Tau have twenty planets after a handful were eaten by Tyranids (discounting allied held worlds and worlds with little to no inhabitants on them). Despite this, fanfiction writers who somehow got hired by GW and Tau fans alike have this strange habit of treating them like a major faction. For instance, a galaxy ruling combined empire with the Imperum and Eldar usually includes the Tau because the writer doesn't realize the Tau are one of the smallest, most insignificant minor species in the galaxy. This isn't to insult them, they can always get stronger; it's just the plain truth, currently that is. The setting stretches millennia, so who knows how far they can go, hopefully they'll become more and grow experienced as time goes on assuming the setting doesn't fall into constant grind never proceeding to the next year for decades ''again''.

One of the more hateful aspects of the Tau is that Games Workshop feels the need to make them seem viable as an army by having their power fluctuate wildly, for example, the Tau can easily subjugate Imperial Hive Worlds and deport its population so easily that it doesn't even get a footnote. You know, those planets in which the population of a single city shocked an Tau ambassador because ''the city's population was greater than the entirety of the Tau species''? Imagine entire planets of those cities, cities in which everyone is an experienced killer (which is why Space Marines love recruiting from Hive Worlds), armed and ready to fling themselves at any invading xenos to purge them with extreme prejudice. These are the same worlds whose PDF is large enough to enforce Imperial rule, and so contribute massive numbers of Imperial Guard (on top of having their own substantial forces).

As an example of this, take the Battle of Mu'gulath Bay, known as the Battle of Agrellan to the Imperium. This was a fight over a Hive World which the Tau won, how? Using Riptide Battlesuits. According to GW, the Riptide's armor was impervious to nearly all anti-armor weaponry (lascannons, krak missiles, and heavy meltas are a threat to Baneblades and knights and heavier stuff can even threaten Titans, so we know this is bullshit). The kicker though, is that '''''Deathstrike Missiles''''' ''did nothing'' when its shields were active. You know, the missiles '''''Titans are afraid of''''' and can vaporize armies? And can use Titan-killer warheads? '''Those Missiles'''. This is but one example, another goes back to the Taros campaign in which a Tau stronghold was mysteriously unable to be blown to hell by sustained bombardment from Colossus mortars and then the Tau ''sallied out'' to engage the Imperial forces and won. In addition, a lot of fights are won by their opponents being uncharacteristically stupid, for example in both the Taros Campaign and the Battle of Agrellan the Imperium suddenly forgets how to defend itself and its supply lines during the second [[Damocles Crusade]] and engages the Tau using formations and tactics that cater to the Tau in the extreme (this is especially egregious in the finale), [[wat|and even has an assassin forget to use her gun to instantly kill her target]]. Even the Marines aren't immune to this sudden stupefying aura, as we have Space Marine Terminators wielding storm shields were shot and killed because they were too busy telling each other to raise their shields up to block the Tau's shots [[derp|instead of raising their shields up to block the fucking shots.]]

There were like three or four of these suits, by the way.

There are numerous other things too. Such as conquering multiple Hive Worlds in which one city outnumbers their entire species and everyone is hyperlethal, armed, fanatical and specialized in their claustrophobic combat environments where Tau are helpless. The Farsight Enclaves defending ''conquered'' worlds instead of just defending actual Tau worlds. Farsight being spared by a Bloodthirster for no reason. Not being wiped out by the Skitarii's radium weapons. The special ammo Space Marines can use that ignores armor or goes through shields and armor not even being mentioned or used. Invisible Shadowsun ambushing and killing a Raven Guard Chapter Master. Bravestorm somehow intercepting a Vindicare's bullet to save Farsight, and Darkstrider and his Pathfinders somehow finding and killing said assassin because he had a hunch that something was amiss (seriously). The list goes on and on, it's like Games Workshop made an entire faction for us to hate for being Noblebright, which pissed everyone off, so they changed the faction into ''Mary Sues'' instead. They don't even have Warp fuckery to blame for it either, since the Tau have a tiny Warp presence. At least if they were human fanatics GW could claim their faith did it, which would be ''slightly'' more believable than some flavor of "They're just that good."

=="Naive Weeaboo Space Communists"==
[[Image:Tau Weeaboo.png|thumb|right|Cue hotblooded music by [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r6xYnFDoV0 JAM Project].]]
The Tau's naiveté might seem at odds with the GRIMDARK-ness of the setting (and to a degree, a lot of it is), but the thing is, Games Workshop specifically plays this straight FOR the [[grimdark]] and ''knows'' that the seeming futility of the Tau's optimism only further accentuates the general hellishness of the rest of the galaxy - and dear [[Emperor|god]] do they play this up for maximum effect. In the 41st millennium, the Tau come across as ''more'' than a little naive to the other races; the Imperium sees any contact with aliens as heretical and will shoot them with [[bolter]] rounds as soon as they look at them; the [[Ork]]s just want to kick the shit out of things; and the [[Eldar]] see the Tau as young and powerful because of their technology but also as a race in its infancy, just staggering out of its borders for the first time and wandering into a pond full of [[Saharduin|sh]][[Dark Eldar|ar]][[Chaos|ks]], even stating that they have failed, the humans are failing and the Tau are in for a rude awakening. Said Sharks see them as somewhere between sex toy and dinner.

In older fluff, the Tau were implied to have been secretly uplifted by the Eldar through the creation and subtle control of the Etherals (especially the mind-influencing pheromone secreting gland at the base of Etherals’ spines) and guiding them through reverse-engineering Imperial technology from the ruined colony ships. Eventually the Eldar abandoned them because the Tau never accomplished anything notable on their own due to a crippling lack of creativity. Humans must be in physical contact with an Ethereal or perhaps subjected to heavy doses of the pheromone in other ways to be sufficiently affected but aliens are affected merely by being in the vicinity of an Ethereal. Whether this is canon or not now is uncertain. It all probably is, seeing as it hasn’t been retconned/overwritten. Or GW forgot about it.

Putting it simply, there's an ongoing joke that the Tau are some of the most successful trolling performed in the history of mankind just by ''existing''; a case of the company installing them just to mix things up whilst at the same time keeping them surprisingly on-level.

The combination of the above fluff, however, paired with their highly advanced technology, generally "Asian" feel (their Fire Caste's combat doctrine is often reminiscent of Sun Tzu's "''Art of War''" - but derived from two distinct Tau hunting methods), use of [[Mecha|battlesuits]] (just [[Imperial Knight|like]] [[Dreadnought|the]] [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|Imperium]]), [[Hammerhead Gunship|heavy firepower]] which rivals that of the Imperial Guard, and one of the [[Fish of Fury|most broken tactics in tabletop 40K until it was finally fixed an edition later]] has conspired to make them very much hated (and by that we mean a source of butthurt) by a reasonable-sized population of the [[/tg/|40K fan populace]], and /tg/ has rightly dubbed the Tau [[Weeaboo]] (as much due to their Asian-ness as anything else) as a result (even when people can use the same logic to point to the Imperium's xenophobia, the fanatical worship of the God-Emperor, extensive use of Mecha and suicide attacks, use of suicide attacks as punishment for dishonour, and fondness for over-the-top dialogue in general and conclude that the Imperium of Man is Imperial Japan in Space). As a dark twist on this inherent Asian-ness, a thread concerning lack of grimdark fan fluff on Tau led to the creation of [[Sept V'iet]], the Viet Cong Tau.
[[Image:Tau fire warriors.jpg|490px|thumb|left|The [[Greater Good]]: translatable as [[Deal with it|"if you want to make an omelette, you gotta break some eggs."]]]]

And again in a case of much cultural confusion, the Tau are often considered [[Communism|communists]] (despite being a rigorous, hierarchical, near-eugenicist class society that would have Marx's spirit resurrect himself to commit suicide) due to their central philosophy of casting aside the self in favour of the Greater Good. This is partly because it's a nearly twenty year old meme by this point and memes that old are very stubborn about dying... and partly because we're a bunch of ignorant fucks. If anything the Tau more resemble the class system of Plato's ''Republic'' crossed with the caste system of India and [[Star_Trek#The_Federation|Star Trek's Federation]], and a little bit of facism as well (because they're the only ones in the entire galaxy who bother to try diplomacy with xenos rather than [[Exterminatus|exterminate]] them (partly because all but a few alien species are horrific space monsters that only a complete idiot would try to negotiate with)).

Even then, the Tau has more in common with the Imperium than the noblebright space hippie Feds; they adhere to a highly strict doctrine of eugenics, as [[Love Can Bloom|all forms of love, sex or breeding between different castes]] are, translated from Tau lexicon into Gothic, '''[[HERESY]]'''. The Tau also have an explicit merchant caste as well as a single unified currency (something the Imperium of Man only has in theory, [[Imperial Truth|much like everything else]]) along with a system of standardised wage labour which makes them actually more Capitalist than the still stuck in Feudal Economics Imperium. Contrast to the Craftworld Eldar whose society of post-scarcity voluntary labour actually is fully Communist, albeit there are still nobles entitled to bigger houses.

As well, the Tau treat their [[Tau#Tau_Member_Races|non-Tau comrades]] as second-class citizens with no say in the Tau government, and demand them to abandon their old culture and conform to a Tau Empire, basically becoming like everyone else. Ergo, the Tau, despite not being the exterminate-all-other-species kind of racist, are still an ethnocentric, aristocratic empire pretending to be a Federation, not unlike Britain during their 'tenure' as the rulers of India. Problem?

To double the weebiness but to greatly decrease the communism connection, the Tau are remarkably similar to war-time era Imperial Japan. Not in terms of military doctrine but in terms of its geopolitics. Like Imperial Japan they're a young power situated in the east, relatively far from most of their possible rivals' centres of power. Like Imperial Japan they have a seemingly nice enough doctrine in terms of rhetoric; "Greater Good" and "Co-Prosperity Sphere"; but in terms of practise what it means is that they want to replace the old empires in the region with their own. Like Imperial Japan they're at a significant disadvantage in terms of production power compared to their most serious rivals in the region, and hope to compensate for that by tactical superiority and winning big decisive battles to topple the old powers.

To further solidify the connections to Japan in the early 20th century, the Tau Empire even borrows some terminology, such as "spheres" of expansion, a firm belief that despite their grotesque material inferiority to their primary enemies the power of their ideals and their superior willpower shall overcome their enemies all, and a dogged insistence on picking fights it probably can't win. Imperial Japan knew that America alone had nearly twelve times the industrial power, with Britain having thrice Japan's military-industrial might, France just about matching theirs, and the Soviets having four times that, and even China; despite being a wartorn barely functional shithole, could be a quagmire for it. But Japan didn't give a shit because they thought that they were so awesome they could somehow get all these people to surrender through a combination of being better at war than their soft, mewling enemies and that they simply believed in their destiny to rule the waves more than anyone else did. Much like how the Tau is fully aware that the Imperium, the Orks, the Necrons, and the Tyranids could all squash them flat in a stand up fight, but believe this is immaterial because their belief in the greater good shall overcome all and they have mastered the ways of war while their foes are mired in ignorance.

What is for sure though is that, whatever part of the terribly suited to analysing politics outside of the modern era one-dimensional spectrum of political agenda they are on (probably wherever you'd put Imperial Japan during world war two), the Tau government is mainly oligarchical, with the vast majority of political power concentrated in the Ethereal caste. This is further driven home by the fact there is a Tau splinter faction led by one of their two best generals alive, Commander [[Farsight]] of the Farsight Enclaves, whose government is a non-caste society seemingly devoid of merchants, meritocratic semi-democracy. The problem is, until people stop dragging him out of his self-imposed exile to fight Tyranids, Orks, and other Tau, he's a dictator the way Optimus Prime is sometimes depicted. Farsight's government is one most certainly [[RAGE|NOT recognized by the Tau Empire]], who have finally gotten around to dispatching a fleet to silence them. We still have yet to see the outcome of this fleet dispatch, though.

However, the new codex has HEAVILY downplayed their naiveté, bringing back the original codex mention that the Ethereals have officially declared some species "[[Exterminatus|lost causes]]" and that the [[Greater Good]] demands they be killed to the last.
*[[Orks]] were the first of the big players of 40k to get this treatment. They pretty much were the only serious competition Tau had before they discovered the Imperium, and it only took them a few weeks of study to realize the fact that Orks are beyond reason or sanity. They still have not realized that their encounters with Orks have merely been minute numbers of stragglers.
*[[Tyranids]] unsurprisingly ended up on "shoot on sight" list pretty much after the first contact. Like with Orks, the Tau are unaware of the small force of Tyranids they have experienced and that the main fleet they "destroyed" has since come back stronger.
*[[Eldar]] briefly were on the list too, owning this to the first contact being made by the Commorites, and not just any, but [[Urien Rakarth]] himself. It took some nuked Exodite world and Craftworld intervention for tau to realize that not all space-elves are insane rapists and scratch them off the list. Probably more encouraged by the Eldar effortlessly curbstomping them than actually caring that they shot the wrong Spelves.
*[[Space Marines]] seem to be entering the list as of the second Damocles war. The reason is not because it's impossible to reason with them, but because after some intense Water caste psychoanalysis and Nagi "mind-[[rape|ripping]]" they pretty much declared that Astartes aren't ''people'' but merely a ''weapon'' and as such have no place in Tau'Va. Since this means they ignore the [[Blood Angels|artistic]], [[Thousand Sons|scholarly]], [[Word Bearers|philosophical]], and [[Ultramarines|administrative]] aspects of being Astartes intended to give them purpose after the Great Crusade ended the Tau are probably just scared shitless of Space Marines and the sheer inspiration their presence brings even off the battlefield.

To sum it up, the Tau Empire is still an expansionist empire prone to using military force, but far better than almost every other polity in the setting, as it permits others to exist with rather lenient standards, and isn't dedicated to the purposeful extinction of all other life in the galaxy. On the other hand, they don’t care if you’re some primitive feral species or a peaceful member of a species they have decided to be a lost cause. Also, as a result of surviving attacks from the major factions in the galaxy yet being blissfully unaware that those were merely tiny brushes or stragglers of vastly larger forces, the Tau believe they have proven they can truly hold their own in the galaxy against all the major players. As of Eighth Edition they were corrected quite painfully due to the opening of the Great Rift and the loss of most of their Fourth Sphere Expansion forces to a Warp rift, and following a massive Chaos invasion they have been forced to face the possibility that their empire might have bitten off more than it can chew.

Ironically, if their tech really is reverse-engineered Imperial tech (science-wise), it might not be heresy to... take it back.

==Military Doctrine==
[[Image:TauTyr2.jpg|right|500px|thumb|Close-quarters painting [[Drawfag|strikes again.]]]]
The Tau disdain [[Choppy|melee]] [[Rip and tear|combat]] in favour of [[Shooty|ranged combat]], which renders them instantaneously [[Matt Ward|less manly]] in the eyes of most of /tg/'s playerbase. The reasons behind this are complicated. Generally, Tau see hand to hand combat in warfare as an anachronism, which makes sense, considering their basic guns can rip apart tank side armour, and compared to almost all other major races Tau have less muscle strength and reaction speed, which makes them ineffective in melee even if they are trained.

Even the last reason alone is enough to avoid close combat, seeing as [[Necrons]] use similar logic, despite their [[Necron Warrior|Warriors]] and [[Necron Immortal|Immortals]] being much stronger and tougher, and actually highly trained in close combat, but equally as slow, though if the Necrons do want to get into melee, they're certainly not lacking in specialists. That said, Tau do practice martial arts, but only for ritual purposes - Fire Warrior trials and rites involve knives and swords, while Ethereals have a tradition of fighting non-lethal duels to settle disputes, using sharp bladed weapons no less, so they are often quite good with their fencing style, as [[Aun'Shi]] has shown to some unfortunate Orks.

Some people think Tau military doctrine has been hit hard with the same [[grimdark|stupidity]] nerf bat as every other fieldable army; every other faction has some reason for their material to be as limited as they would be in a fantasy setting, but the Tau have widespread education, unlike Men and Orks; reasonable access to production facilities relative to their population, unlike Necrons and Eldar; and are capable of coherent research and development, unlike Tyranids and Daemons.

For fluff reasons which have never been explained (the crunch reason is obvious), they have the same motif as every other army of equipment often being more valuable than the person wielding it, leading to most personnel being fielded with "inferior" equipment. The most obvious example of this is that they always, under whatever circumstance, field infantry in simple combat armour rather than some sort of battlesuit - its only advantage is having less bulk, as the Tau have a reason not to build larger transports to cope with the shitloads of battlesuits they could deploy instead.

This argument is analogous to saying that real-world militaries should only use armored vehicles and not have infantry, and says more about fa/tg/uy ignorance than Tau doctrine. The Tau likely practice economy of force, which has consequences both on and off the battlefield. Sending excessive amounts of force at a target is wasteful, as the excess firepower would be more useful elsewhere. If one only has a unit of XV8 Battlesuits and no infantry, but a swarm of grots in a nearby pass needs to be taken out, they have no choice but to commit a very valuable unit to a task far beneath its worth. This is also an economic matter, as lower power units are cheaper and the Tau do not have an infinite supply of the rare materials needed to produce the strongest Battlesuits.

One could easily field a number of fire warriors for far less than the cost of a single battlesuit, and considering many foes will fall beneath "mere" infantry, any cost-aware faction would prefer the infantry's use over an expensive battlesuit. Similarly, when it comes to occupying or garrisoning territory, numbers of soldiers is significantly more important than quality of soldiers as they need to cover ground and establish a presence. In other words, they are the army who most resemble modern forces in terms of strategy, and mixed armies of infantry, armor and support elements are a good combination. And who the fuck can with a straight face call a pulse rifle and carapace grade armour "inferior equipment"? The view their equipment or doctrine is nerfed also ignores that armies have to replace lost and damaged equipment as well as actually get that equipment to the troops or they're absolutely fucked. An expensive army of battlesuits is lovely right until combat losses alongside wear and tear reach a point where the empires production can't keep up with losses or supply problems mean they don't reach the front (armies in 40k have been shown running low on ammo something far easier to produce and transport in large numbers than battlesuits). An army based around soldiers armed with "cheap" rifles and armour is a lot easier to produce and keep in the field even in the face of casualties or supply problems.

The Tau's superior [[Dakka|firepower]] is similar to that of the [[Imperial Guard]], but their strategy is different in that they tend to rely less on mass warfare and more on sophisticated technical support (drones, stealth technology, railguns), with an emphasis on tactical precision, mobility, and the initiative of individual squads of units, much like how modern warfare is waged (apparently if the Imperial Guard learned from Tau tacticians and fought with modern tactics instead of zergrushing everything then they would have been the most powerful army in the galaxy, but no, that ain't GRIMDARK and AWESOME enough [unless you're [[Lord Solar Macharius|Macharius]]]). Their military doctrine is not based on winning by attrition and/or throwing out quality tactics in favour of absorbing and dishing out heavy shocks in bloody epic clusterfucks like the Imperials, Orks and early World War II-era Soviet Russia. (Unless you count the later war "deep warfare", which is actually the combat doctrine the Tau ripped off. 40k really seems to like the Russians...)

Rather, they use infiltration and their sophisticated battlesuits to [[Anal Circumference|bypass enemy strong points and launch deep into their rear]], cutting supply lines and logistics, destroying headquarters and support units, leaving enemies cut off and functionally helpless. There are numerous examples of Tau literally starving and/or thirsting entire armies to death by cutting out their supply lines, while simultaneously harassing them with night raids, ambushes and air strikes to the point the survivors are leaderless, demoralized, out of ammo and fuel, and can barely stand due to exhaustion. The [[Imperial_Armour_Volume_Three:_The_Taros_Campaign#Volume_Three_-_The_Taros_Campaign|Taros]] campaign is a prime example of these tactics (and of the Imperium's strategic stupidity).

Of course, these kinds of tactics only work fine against more convenient armies like the Imperial Guard or Orks. When it comes to Space Marines and Eldar, who sport mostly aerial/warp/webway supply lines, operate as elite armies without obvious weak spots to exploit, have similar or superior tactical mobility and badass officers that can survive most assassination attempts, Tau lose huge parts of their usual advantages (but get the numerical superiority in return). Against utterly unconventional foes, like Tyranids, Daemons or Necrons... well, all times they faced such foes, Tau either devised some entirely new strategies, or lost horribly.

[[File:TauTyr.jpg|thumb|left|300px|90% of Tau [[dakka]] comes in the form of [[Plasma|pretty blue lights.]]]]
The Tau, again, boast some of the most powerful ranged weaponry on the tabletop game, and can crank out more concentrated firepower than any other faction with the lone exception of the Imperial Guard and maybe the orks if you only count number of bullets in the air, and even then, the Tau's weapons hit quite a bit harder. They have pathetic hand-to-hand combat skills, however, and so the Tau bolster this by using several inducted races (the [[Kroot]], Vespid, and even some [[Gue'vesa|humans cut off from the Imperium during the Damocles Crusade]]) to act as buffers against assault troops to allow Tau Fire Warrior teams and their heavy, long-ranged firepower to tear enemies apart. The most pivotal, and perhaps most infamous, part of the Tau army are their [[Battlesuit|Battlesuits]], which can mount multiple heavy weapon systems and provide excellent mobility to their pilots, all on a fairly durable unit.

They also have an extremely powerful navy, though not quite as formidable as the Imperium's, if largely because of differences in number and tonnage. Tau air units are among the best in the game, with aircraft superior or equal to Imperial Guard equivalents, including a stealth fighter, multipurpose heavy fighter, a superheavy fighter with guns that can one-shot a Titan, and their own [[Manta|Titan-equivalent]] (which is a small starship). Unlike the Imperium, they usually deploy swarms upon swarms of flyers, with only Orks, Tyranids, and Necrons able to rival them in numbers when things come to dogfights—kind of the way the Imperial fleets' atmospheric support craft were supposed to work if fleet officers weren't a bunch of assholes who do everything they can to provide as little air support as possible.

On defense, the Tau are a bit unusual: they leave only token garrisons at their colonies to protect them. These garrisons are intended for scouting rather than combat, avoiding engagement in order to observe and report on invaders using Pathfinders, scanning towers, and drones. Because the Tau have fairly powerful spacefleets and usually keep their forces within reasoned distance of potential hotspots, any potential threat can be quickly dealt with by organizing a hunter cadre to be sent to deal with the situation. For those of you who don't get it, it's Frederick the Great's "he who tries to protect everything protects nothing" strategy.

Of course, this strategy means Tau must have some worlds actually being heavily defended - and in fact they do. Sept worlds tend to be guarded by some nasty space stations and garrisoned by an unreasonable amounts of hunter cadres and auxiliary troops, which allows them to act as major defensive nodes from which response fleets are dispatched and to which evacuation fleets rally (think feudal Japan style castles from which commanders would send trained garrisons out to protect the lands around it from encroaching armies), and in case some really scary shit like an Imperial crusade or a Tyranid hive-fleet comes into the sept, it is on the sept world where the decisive battle is fought (See the First Damocles Crusade for an example of this tactic in action).

This has, however, backfired on occasion, since it does mean that the Tau garrisons are very vulnerable in the initial stages of an attack. It also makes them very vulnerable to Orphean War style rapid assaults where the attacker is advancing so quickly the defender doesn't even have time to relay the news that they're under attack to the rest of their army. While the Tau haven't yet faced something like the Maynarkh Dynasty, they are awfully close to the Sautekh Dynasty and Imotekh is a noted cantankerous asshole and egotistical conqueror.

A rare advantage the Tau have is their willingness to change military strategy. As examples, look at how they changed tactics in reaction to the [[Damocles Crusade]] by the Imperium of Man, and even built an entirely new space fleet to match humans in straight-on space fights, or their unusual but effective choice of switching to older weapons when dealing with [[Hive Fleet Gorgon]].

==Fleet==
[[File:Tau_Map.JPG|500pc|right|thumb|The Domain of the Weebs.]]

In the old fluff, the T'au used to have equip their ships with reverse-engineered imperial warp drives, tuned to only skim the surface of the warp and bounce back to the Materium after a short while. New fluff, on the other hand, has retconned that by giving them what is called a "slingshot drive" for their FTL. From what little fluff we have on it, it looks like the reality-based theoretical warp drive (in the modern physics meaning, i.e. the Alcubierre bubble). The practical applications, however, are the same in both new and old fluff - Tau FTL is much slower than the Imperium's, but is predictable, reliable, and not affected by warp storms (a big deal, given Tau spent half of their history inside one). As a result, Tau are capable of building proper interstellar logistics lines, ones the Administratum can only dream of, but their strategic mobility is . . .lacking, to say the least. Compared to pretty much every other faction (though the non-Warp drive using FTL factions are different; the Necrons microteleport and use wormholes, the Eldar use the Webway extradimensional network, and the Tyranids bring their production power with them as they tugboat in by gravity channeling) the Tau move at an absolute snail's pace, hence the reason why their worlds are so tightly packed together. Of course, if the skip drive was THE best way to travel normally without the Warp and to avoid Warp phenomena, the radically more advanced Dark Age Humanity would have slapped the drives on every type of ship they had. They didn't, which implies the drive was more of a stopgap dead-end then a fully developed piece of technology. There may not even be a guarantee of safety from daemons, as, when the drive pushes against the barrier of reality, all it would take is for a daemon to be in the right place at the right time to stick a gnarled claw into the corresponding area in the Warp and cut through to say "hi" to the engineering crew.

Additionally, Slingshot drives are rather big, heavy and power-hungry, even compared to the Warp drive (which takes up 1/3rd of a smaller imperial ships). As a result, escort-class Tau spacecraft are built without FTL drives and are hooked to bigger ships for the purpose of interstellar travel, which basically make them equivalents of the Imperium's system monitor ships, with the same benefits (cheap, compact and too fast, powerful or durable for their size) without their major downside (being incapable of FTL flight). The Tau also have to concentrate their forces on an interplanetary scale; they can't throw a bunch of ships into a warzone from halfway across the galaxy as orks and humans can.
Tau empire have two fleets:
*Kor'Vatra, or "merchant fleet", is made of older modular ships that double as merchant and colony vessels (hence the name). One of their main shticks is huge arcs of fire for most gun batteries, with side batteries easily covering front arc, and nose batteries covering all but the stern - as a result, while Kor'vatra Ships may not have as much firepower as Imperial or Ork ones, they can focus more of it on one target. On the flip side, merchant ships while decently fast at sub-light, are not very agile, and must rely on escort wings and auxiliary fleets against more maneuverable foes. Even after the founding of Kor'Or'Vesh, the Kor'Vatra still see a lot of military use, especially against the Imperium, precisely because it's regarded as a non-military fleet, so Tau diplomats could tell their imperial colleagues "What battle cruisers on your orbit are you talking about? It's just our merchant vessels, moving goods to and from our trade missions".
*Kor'Or'Vesh, or "combat fleet" is a newer fleet, made for battling Imperium's fleet in straight up battle, after Kor'Vatra got run over during the Damocles crusade. Made out of more compact, maneuverable and better armored ships, it may lack Kor'Vatra's wide arcs of fire, but is superior in every other regard, and as the Taros and second Damocles campaigns showed, it is more than capable of fighting off humans even if outnumbered.
Both fleets use largely the same technologies: railguns as short-range (by Tau standards), high-damage gun batteries; ion cannons as long-range beams (lance equivalent); and, above all, powerful small-craft ordnance (second only to Eldar and available in far greater numbers). Mantas, Barracudas, and EMP drone-torpedoes reign supreme at extreme ranges, gaining the Tau navy the same reputation their ground armies have. Because their small-craft ordnance is so powerful, most Tau ships tend more towards carrier and torpedo boat archetypes than battleships, and suffer horribly if an enemy comes within macro-cannon or boarding range (note the "if"). Technically, the Imperial equivalents are, as they are when compared to most other factions, far superior. The problem for the Imperium is, like always, those things are very rare, built in tiny numbers, and never around when you need them.

==Non-combat Fluff==
[[File:Tau city.jpg|450px|thumb|right|Contrary to what [[Imperium of Man|some]] believe, what this picture shows might just be the future for the entire galaxy if the Tau [[Great Crusade|get their way.]]]]
The Tau were a new race/culture found by the Imperium of Man during their "slash and burn" exploration of their galactic neighborhood. The Tau were still pastoral, had just discovered flint tools and charcoal, and the Imperium had them scheduled for "[[Grimdark|routine cleansing]]" (Low Gothic for “ruthless genocide”) to make sure they never got off-world and developed into an entity capable of threatening humanity. Needless to say, that plan was promptly [[derp|fucked up]]. By an unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on your feelings towards a species' right to not be mercilessly exterminated for no reason whatsoever) coincidence which almost certainly involved the dickery of [[Tzeentch]] or [[Cegorach]] or [[The Deceiver|something]], a warp storm occluded the Tau homeworld, so nobody could get in or out. Since the Tau were virtually invisible in the warp, the warp storm didn't have much of an effect on them as they were immune to the influences of Chaos.

[[FAIL|The sector was labeled "lost to Chaos,"]] and cleansing was [[What|deferred indefinitely]]. Then [[Age of Apostasy|this shit]] happened, and almost all records about Tau were lost in the ensuring [[Rape|clusterfuck]] of civil war. Only the Adeptus Mechanicus still had records of this first contact when the storm died down 6,000 years later. The Damocles Crusade relocated the Tau, who were completely untouched by the warp storm and now using interstellar colony ships and pulse rifles. The extermination order still stood—it was just going to be much more difficult than the Imperium expected, seeing as the Tau, instead of [[C.S. Goto|throwing spears and rocks at their tanks]] and Space Marines, were now throwing [[ion cannon|ion charges]], <s>[[plasma|plasma blasts]]</s> particle accelerators (pulse rifles), and [[railgun|electromagnetically-accelerated hypervelocity projectiles]] at their tanks and Space Marines.

Tau history is pretty typical up through the iron-age: a knack for engineering, warfare between "urban" farmers and "barbarian" nomads, and unrestrained growth causing a series of plagues, leading to a dark age. Here's where things go sideways, though the Tau see it as the start of their endless Golden Age: the arrival of the Ethereals. Legend tells of a five-year siege at the castle of Fio'taun, with both sides starving and succumbing to disease, when two foreign Tau entered the battlefield. One went to the castle, the other to the barbarian tribes. Each of these Tau had a quiet grace and irresistible authority. In just a few hours, the castle was persuaded to open their gates, and the barbarians laid down their weapons, and both parties met to parley a truce.

These strange Tau called themselves "Ethereals," and stressed the importance of peace and understanding between all Tau. They described a "Greater Good" that each Tau must strive towards. Soon after, soon enough to seem simultaneous, more of these strange new Tau emerged across the continent with their message of peace and co-operation for all Tau. Their quiet authority was always respected, and their message of harmony was universally embraced. Wait a minute, [[God-Emperor of Mankind|I've seen this]] [[Great Crusade|historical pattern before]]....

Perhaps uniquely for the setting, Tau-human interactions bear the whiff of realpolitik. On the one hand, the Imperium wants to exterminate them ''eventually'', but the upper management generally realizes that the Tau are going to be a giant drain of resources and manpower to get rid of, given the stiff resistance they put up in [[Damocles Crusade|previous campaigns]] and their [[Riptide|uniformly]] [[railgun|advanced]] [[battlesuit|technology]]. Furthermore, they serve as a useful buffer state against various threats on the Eastern Fringe, from Orks and Chaos raiders to Tyranid hive fleets to alien forces the Imperium hasn't had (recorded) contact with. Their existence deflects danger from Imperial space, and in a place and time when the Imperium is [[Time of Ending|coming under attack from all sides]], that's more important than dogma.

This strategy is not unique to the Tau only though, as the Imperium allows countless other (much more dangerous) xeno empires to prosper in the Eastern Fringe to serve as an ablative shield against much nastier shit. Amongst those is (for example) the Charadon ork empire, which is older than the Imperium and spawns a Waaagh! or two per millennium (even with the routine warboss assasination raids that the Ultramarines make). Even after the emergence of the genius warboss Snagrod and his Waagh on Rynn no one cared to issue a crusade against them. So yeah, the Tau empire is not even close to being spotted by the High Lords, not to mention recognized as a threat dangerous enough to actually do something about.

Conversely, the Tau have realized just how massive an undertaking expanding through the entire universe would really be, and are taking it slow. They mostly absorb Imperial buffer worlds stripped of manpower and armament in the face of massive redeployments to face other threats, offering the Empire's protection in return for annexation and outright conquering the places that don't take the deal. The Tau have claimed that they are engaging in this sort of aggressive behavior because ''someone's'' going to [[Tyranids|gobble]] those settlements up sooner or later, and if ''they'' don't do it, then whoever does won't be [[Exterminatus|nearly as nice about it]]. While baldly self-serving, that logic is...well, mostly correct, really.

There's no lost love between the Imperium and the Tau, but open full-scale war is probably unlikely in the near-future.

And then the Second Damocles Crusade happened.... even the imperium isn't that stupid, so this almost certainly involves that tricky dick Tzeench trying to stop the greater good from ruining all his plans. ...Or nurgle...or, well any of the ruinous powers really. Or that ancient scheming old sperg [[Eldrad]], for that matter.

Looking at the new galactic map, where the Tau are now sandwiched between their own eye of terror and a Necron dynasty, they are soon to be fucked...<s>Maybe...</s> Yep, they got done buttfucked by the Death Guard! And new faith-based Warp fuckery (a glowing flying priest dueling a battlesuit, ''yes'') from the Imperium that even caused some of their human levies to seek redemption by attacking the Tau. And now they've intentionally infected one of their planets with genestealers to see what will happen. This is not a joke.

If things keep going this way, the Tau will eventually see a clash between the shiny new faith fuckreality of the Imperium and the demonic fuckreality of Chaos. Their reaction to such a blatant display of angelic versus demonic would be precious.

=== Castes ===
[[File:Commander HawkEye.jpg|thumb|290px|right|<s>Join the Greater Good, lose your virginity to a hot alien babe!</s> Non-approved sexual contact is an offence to the Greater Good, Gue'la. Now get back to work or you won't get your overtime pay! WE GET OVERTIME PA{{BLAM}}{{BLAM|Asking questions is heresy!}}]]
Tau society after the arrival of Ethereals was organized into castes; everyone with a place, and a place for everyone. [[Love Can Bloom|Interbreeding between castes and Xenos races]] is one of the most severe crimes in the Empire, in other words, [[Heresy]]. This was outlawed by the [[Ethereal]]s presumably to preserve the biological differences between castes, and as part of this effort they have taken over the practice of sex entirely. Tau society has been manipulated so that Tau do not form romantic bonds of a long-lasting nature and do not even consider sex to be anything other than a state-mandated act meant only, like everything else, to serve society and the Greater Good. In essence, Tau are conditioned to never have sex until and unless their superiors say they are worth breeding.

Their superiors pick their breeding partners (the Tau get NO input into this) and the couple basically spends a few days off from work screwing around before going their separate ways to never see each other again. If a Tau did somehow get over their social conditioning and thought of sex as something more than a mandated duty, they'd be [[Blam|punished/killed for illegal activities/perversion]]. An Imperial genetor's report in the fourth edition Tau codex observes the presence of synthetic proteins in Tau internal organs and suggests them as evidence that their evolution has been accelerated, though he might have been confused by synthetic proteins that the Tau were given. [[/tg/]] seems to be under the strong impression that they are mammals, as you can see in the picture further down the page, despite the complete implausibility of this theory. The frequent [[/d/|sexualization]] of the Tau by fa/tg/uys is a mystery to many, but clearly not all. [[PROMOTIONS|Not nearly enough]], in fact. It's obviously a deep desire for Draenei to be added to the setting to [[PROMOTIONS|reward]] our brave Imperial Guardsmen.

==== {{anchor|Fire|Fire Caste}} Shas (Fire) ====
The '''Fire Caste''' consists of the various [[Fire Warrior|warriors]] of the Tau Empire. The miniatures of a Tau army in a [[Warhammer 40,000]] game are almost exclusively Fire Caste. Other castes think Shas are overly-aggressive hotheads due to their tendency to solve all problems by applying more plasma (when Tau encountered other sentient species, Fire Caste representatives immediately voted to hunt down and exterminate them, just like they hunted down dangerous local life forms on the other world they colonized), although for Humans and Eldar, whose history knows numerous [[Wyches|kinky]], [[Haemonculus|horrid]], [[World_Eaters|Earthshatteringly mad]], [[Night_Lords|batshit insane]], [[Blood Angels|bloodthirsty]] individuals and groups, mention of the "Aggressively Hotheaded" Tau would end up with them collectively pointing fingers and laughing at them. On the other hand, it also shows how calm and disciplined other castes are.

They are taller than Earth Caste Tau, and physically stronger than the Air and Water Castes, though still shorter and weaker than a typical Human. They pretty much compensate for this by giving their basic Fire Warrior a [[pulse rifle]], which is sort of like an automatic sniper-[[plasma]] gun, and employ heavily armed and sophisticated battlesuits for their elite infantry. Oh yeah, and [[Railgun]]s. Company-sized Tau forces are called "Hunter Cadres".

==== {{anchor|Earth|Earth Caste}} Fio (Earth) ====
The '''Earth Caste''' are the laborers and engineers; they are the "civilians" of Tau society. Their appearance can vary widely, though other Tau would describe them as "plain." They all have a stoic outlook, with little ambition other than to excel in their career of choice and work for the Greater Good. Unlike the Imperial worker classes, whose quality of life generally ''starts'' at working 14-hour days seven days a week while living off of dried recycled dung chips and goes [[Such is life on Volg|''downhill from there'']], the Earth caste is mostly concerned with technological planning and engineering.

They have robots to do the grunt work. The Farsight Enclaves field some Earth Caste pilots for their battlesuits, demonstrating their more flexible caste systems and/or their desperation for manpower. Doing so makes them ''even worse'' in close combat than Tau already are, but they make up for it with technical training and tweaks to the suits' software and mechanics, re-rolling missed shots and equipment failures.

==== {{anchor|Air|Air Caste}} Kor (Air) ====
The '''Air Caste''' are the intermediaries between Tau. In more primitive times they served as messengers and couriers, and sometimes scouts/explorers, gliding on membranous anatomical surfaces through T'au's atmosphere. When the Tau started exploring offworld, it was the Air Caste that took charge of the vessels traveling between the stars. Now the Air Caste are the Tau stellar navy/airforce/mailmen, piloting the Empire's various carriers, warships, and emissary cruisers. Air caste Tau tend to be tall and slender like runners or dancers, and this is frequently exaggerated by the years the Tau navy spends in low-gravity.

They are much less likely to be eaten by [[daemon]]s due to a faulty Geller Field than their Imperial equivalents, but only because their ships are much slower, using a "slingshot drive" to temporarily enter the Warp and bounce back into real space (or use Star Trek-style warp drives instead of psycho-Warp drives; it seems to have been changed to Warp again). Despite their slender stature and lack of muscle mass, Air caste pilots are extremely resistant to G-force, making them excellent void and atmospheric fighter pilots (simultaneously, as small Tau voidcraft also double as atmospheric craft).

==== {{anchor|Water|Water Caste}} Por (Water) ====
The '''Water Caste''' are the emissaries to non-Tau. They are diplomats, merchants, civil servants. The most open-minded Tau can be found among the Water caste, with some even showing individual ambition (but still for the greater good of the Tau Empire). When a new culture is encountered, the Water caste are sent in first to negotiate. If talks break down, the Water caste are withdrawn from the area and it's time for the Fire Caste to then start negotiating with pulse weapon fire. Also, unlike their Imperial equivalents in bureaucracy, the [[Administratum]], they are brisk, efficient, and very good at their jobs. No dumping valuable ammo on an uninhabited dust world because no one signed the paperwork not to.

It's a less known fact that Pors also run the Tau intelligence and espionage network, and Por'Os and Por'Els from this branch are pretty much Tau Inquisitors except more competent, much saner, and not nearly as good at kicking asses personally. As of the second Damocles Crusade the Imperium has designated the Water caste as a primary threat above any other Tau caste, as their subterfuge, diplomacy and propaganda has cost the Imperium more worlds and manpower than the Fire and Air caste's military prowess combined, and they even managed to totally outplay the Inquisition on its own field, which royally pissed them off.

==== {{anchor|Ethereal|Ethereal Caste}} Aun (Ethereal) ====
The '''Ethereal Caste''' are basically the philosopher-kings described by Plato in "The Republic". They are selfless and always focused on what is best for the Greater Good ("Tau'va") for all Tau and every Tau without exception. The Ethereals are inspirational to all Tau caste members, and merely being near one will inspire a Tau soldier, engineer, pilot, or diplomat to work harder.

In the case of the Fire Caste, some Ethereals accompany hunter cadres in battle during important deployments so as to better lead/inspire the troops, which works because all Tau in the combat zone will fight to their bitter deaths. They also seem to have semi-magical powers (don't ask how they work, none of the Tau know themselves) that allow Tau around them to do special things, like running while shooting. The [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] theorizes that the respect the Ethereal Caste gets from all other Tau is caused by a pheromone. ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTAU.......
Also, ''[[Xenology]]'' relates a story from a major, insectoid race called the [[Q'Orl]] which alleges that the [[Eldar]] stole one of their queens. Given that these queens have a magic, yellow, diamond-shaped sack that produces mind-control pheromones…well, let's just say the characters in the story figure it out quickly enough. There is a theory that the Ethereals themselves are also affected by their own pheromones, which could explain why they're so selfless and uncorrupted despite their absolute power (although being uncorrupted no longer seems to apply after 7th/8th edition).

This can also be supported by the (old as fuck and likely retconned) novelization of [[Warhammer_40,000:_Fire_Warrior|Fire Warrior]], where the Ethereal character has a pretty level head and chipper demeanor despite having been [[Anal_Circumference|repeatedly captured and tortured by both the Inquisition and Chaos, watching his diplomatic retinue chopped up by a Chaos Lord, and mind-raped by said Chaos Lord all in the span of roughly two days.]] Either he's a stoic old motherfucker, or he's just too busy tripping his blue balls on his own pheromones to give a shit.

8th ed has a particularly interesting story in it and it proves without a shadow of a doubt: the Ethereal caste does use some kind of mind-altering substance or influence on the Tau. During a meeting with Commander O'Ryn and Aun'Va (who is a solid hologram controlled by an AI at this point) in the planet of Junica, their location was ambushed by Chaos forces and Aun'Va (or the AI acting like Aun'Va) ordered O'Ryn to send her forces on what's essentially a suicide mission. O'Ryn, not seeing the point of throwing her and her soldiers' lives at such a hopeless battle, actually ''defied'' the command of an ethereal (and the space pope himself, no less) and retreated. It could've been an interesting and pretty terrifying critique of how manipulative a totalitarian system can be and that the Ethereals don't shy away from anything to keep the people in line. But no, it was explained with mind control, which is way lazier and honestly way less terrifying.

O'Ryn was eventually declared a renegade and Farsight took her in, but it does indeed prove that the unflinching and unquestioning loyalty and fanaticism that the Ethereals' physical presence inspire on nearby Tau aren't due to their charisma or the Tau's indoctrination, and instead on something more sinister. To put this into perspective: O'Ryn has been the first Tau since Farsight to actively defy an ethereal's command and the main reason she was able to do so was because she was speaking to an AI-controlled drone, instead of the actual space pope.

Additionally, in the novel Farsight: Crisis of Faith by Phil Kelly (detailing the Farsight Expedition) not only is a Tau Water Caste Magister possessed by a daemon of Tzeentch, who is banished [[Mary Sue|by Farsight carving a bloody hexagram into its chest with his bonding knife]] (Imperium Hexagrammic Wards don't even work that way), Aun'Va uses mind control to have the Magister's superior kill herself. Why? Because he'd dared to say the truth out loud, that the Ethereals were eager to send Farsight off to Damocles so that the immensely popular golden boy won't become a challenge to their rule back home. The ambassador went to her death thinking the ever reasonable Ethereals would let her off with a slap on the wrist for what was basically a breach of etiquette, instead she was dominated into committing suicide for ''being the mentor of someone who'd cast the tiniest bit of doubt on Ethereal motives''. The Tau are grimdark, but politically and psychologically grimdark, rather than physically grimdark.

===Tau Names===
Tau have ridiculously long, detailed and actually meaningful names. Their names contain their caste, rank, birth sept, and one or more nicknames earned by them through the course of their lives. Fluff does say that they ''do'' have birth names, but those are only used before tau earn at least one appropriate nickname, as a name given to them by comrades is considered more valuable than one just chosen by random at their birth. The nickname part and its importance surprisingly is actually taken from the Roman culture, which is weird, given most Tau culture tend to be based on China and Japan (except for their social and government structures which are copied almost verbatim from Plato's Republic).

Also, do note the lack of last names, which is expected, since Tau society pretty much have no institute of a family, with children being raised in centralized facilities apart from their parents. As a Tau grows, moves through ranks and achieves the respect of their comrades their name changes appropriately, switching the rank part, adding new nicknames and sometimes dropping the old and outdated ones. For example, when Farsight was still a lowly fire warrior, his name was '''Shas'La Vior'La Shoh''' (Fire Caste Private of the Hot-Blooded sept Inner Light), and at the "present days" '''Shas'O Vior'La Shovah Kais Mont'yr''' (Fire Caste Commander of the Hot-Blooded sept Farsight Skillful Blooded). How the fuck Tau bureaucracy is able to keep track of their population with their names constantly changing is a mystery, but it seems they have no problem with that, probably because they just track ID numbers when names are too much of an issue like most sane people who work with databases.

For the sake of convenience Tau often use shortened versions of names, almost always dropping the sept part and secondary nicknames, and if speaking within one caste the caste part too, so in the case of Farsight other fire warriors could refer to him as O'Shovah, while for example an Ethereal would call him Shas'O'Shovah (assuming Farsight allows this; given his seething hatred of Ethereals he's the type who'd force them to use his full name out of spite). Humans and other non-Tau often get this system wrong and shorten the names in a ways that make little sense: for example, Imperium's Taros invasion force thought the Taros' chief Ethereal's name was Aun'El, which was only his caste and rank, and as the book was mostly written from the Imperium's standpoint, we still don't know what his actual name was.

One final stroke of Tau naming is that as they abandon their true (birth) names it makes them even more resistant to sorcery and daemonic powers that often require the target's true name to amplify their effect or even make the spell work at all.

===Psychic/Chaos Defenses===
Tau as a species are comprised of psychic blunts, they cannot produce psykers and have limited innate resistance to some forms of psychic powers and daemonic bullshit. People often mistake this resistance to outright invulnerability, but in truth it's more akin to camouflage - Tau souls are so dim they are indistinguishable from the spirits of non-sapients at best, and at times they even blend in the psychic background of inanimate objects. This may have something to do with how unemotional Tau are, as some of the more passionate subjects in the fluff had been slightly affected by warp shenanigans like faint whispers and slight feelings of "wrongness" in places where humans freak out and try to run away immediately, while more calm and collected tau hadn't noticed anything strange. If for example a telepath tries to mind-rape a Tau or a daemon tries to posses a Tau they'd find it hard to find a soul to target, but if they did manage to find it, there would be even less resistance than with regular humans. Sadly while this trait is often shown in the fluff, it does not affect Tau crunch in any way aside from their total lack of psykers.

This innate defense is further strengthened by the Greater Good philosophy deeply indoctrinated into each Tau from childhood and (allegedly) reinforced by a subtle mind control if one were to believe in Ethereal Pheromones. Tau'Va being the antithesis of all the creeds of Chaos makes Tau all but immune to its temptations, and only two Tau have ever actually fallen to Chaos: the Water Caste member Water Spider who was possessed by a Daemon of Tzeentch - although, rather amusingly, the Deamon forced Water Spider to become obsessed with the truth, something abberant to the Water Caste and hugely difficult for the Tau as a whole; and one [[Warhammer 40,000: Fire Warrior|Shas'la Kais]]. (Though Kais is a contested point. The video game iteration of Kais was ultimately untainted and even allegedly grew up to be [[Shas'O Kais]]. The much better novelization had Kais getting an assist from Khorne throughout his adventure, though he was permanently scarred by Khorne's influence and the conflict, [[Grimdark|leaving him permanently insane and hospitalized, unable to meaningfully respond to his friends and environment]].) That being said, the Tau have only just been exposed to the more material horrors of the galaxy; should they become jaded and start losing faith in the Greater Good (as inferred with giving up on indoctrinating certain species), well, that would be an entirely different situation. Their allies, including the Kroot, have been known to go all-in with Chaos worship ''(eating your enemies to get better at killing them? Khorne and Tzeentch approve)'', although Tau seldom take culture from their allied races.

8th Ed is here, and has confirmed that the Tau aren't immune to Chaos, just slightly difficult for Daemons to spot. When the Tau started the 4th Sphere Expansion with their new warp drives they didn't take a note from the Imperials' tech and failed to invent the [[Gellar Field]] too, meaning they were fully vulnerable to the Warp's denizens. The entire experience was hilarious. First was the unpredictability of their warp drives (known as "slipstream technology" to them) that caused most of their expeditionary fleet to be destroyed due to unleashing massive tears in the fabric of reality, [[lulz|while being broadcasted to the Tau sept worlds, causing the Ethereals to rapidly evacuate their bowels as they scramble to censor the event for the wider populace.]] Those that weren't immediately torn up by the warp rifts were sucked into the Warp where a vast majority was either destroyed after drifting in the more unsavory parts of the Warp or by the various daemons mucking about.

Contact was lost, but the Tau managed to find the survivors later, nestled into several worlds that were the original target for conquest. The Tau that survived, however, were acting weird. Some of them started shoving off the Greater Good, while some worshiped a voice that they claim to be the Greater Good itself (which may or may not be a warp entity), while some were outright driven insane. A disturbing trend about them was their total [[Imperium|xenophobia and brutality]]. Any non-Tau who wasn't driven off from the 4th Sphere colonies were murdered for [[Chaos God|something]] that was telling the survivors that the auxiliaries were the reason for their loss and torment due to their more powerful connection to the Warp, so killing all non-Tau was the only way to ensure the survival of the Greater Good.

That being said, they're still hard for Daemons to see, considering that the Fourth Sphere dove into the Warp unprotected and "merely" got off with plain Chaos corruption when most people who try that shit critfails their [[anal circumference]] roll and either gets torn apart by daemon cocks or becomes [[Chaos Spawn|a Chaos spaaauuuughgghblblblbbl]]. The weirdest part though is that the Warp itself didn't really bother thing. Daemons are one thing but the Warp itself fucks up anything unprotected. That's just its nature, like if you get in water you'll get wet without protection. But this event does still prove that the Chaos Gods can still influence the Tau with enough warp exposure, so it wouldn't be surprising if a few of them started going bughouse-nuts and began carving 8-pointed stars on their persons in the future. Especially with virtually the entire [[Death Guard]] and a large force of the [[Thousand Sons]] heading straight for the wormhole that links the Fourth Sphere colonies to the center of the Empire...oh wait GW just retconned that force out of existence when they realised the Tau might actually ''lose'' for once. The horror.

...and funny thing about that - the 8E Daemons Codex does mention one Tau agri-world that was cut off from supplies eventually succumbing to the native faith revering a certain "Rainfather" - [[Rotigus]] Rainfather, a notorious [[Great Unclean One]].

On the subject, let's not forget that some soldiers are supposed to [[Lovecraft|be driven insane just by looking at the more horrific daemons]] like Great Unclean Ones. Their immunity to this is probably GW incompetency as usual, Matt Ward/Phil Kelly levels of plot armor, or a combination of both.

==Alliances==
{{MattWard}}

In 6th edition, Tau are notable for being one of two factions (the other being Imperial Guard) who can ally with anyone except for 'Nids. Yes, this includes [[Wat|both Chaos Space Marines and Chaos Daemons,]] although, according to the Farsight Enclaves supplement, Farsight rebelled because the Ethereals understand the existence of Chaos on some level, but keep it suppressed from the general populace so they're not entirely screwed. [[Emperor|That sounds vaguely familiar]]... it is probably going to end [[Horus Heresy|about as well]] (although due to cultural differences likely in it's own distinct way); all of this is, of course, assuming that the 'nids don't NOM everything before the Tau get the opportunity to fuck their own shit up.

Their current level of naïveté leads to a few... ''interesting'' alliances, to say the least.

First off, Tau ''can'' ally with [[Ork]]s, even though fluff-wise they are viewed as enemies of the Greater Good to be purged wherever encountered. Smaller Ork warbands (mostly [[Blood Axes]]) frequently act as mercenaries, of course, so the Tau might use them in that capacity. Plus, there might be fluff changes coming up (most notably, it was rumored that the [[Gretchin Revolutionary Committee]] would return in the new Orks codex; they, of course, would get along quite well with the Tau).

They are also battle brothers with both the Space Marines and Eldar, which has caused a large amount of headscratching on /tg/. The Eldar make a modicum of sense; after all, the Eldar most likely had a hand in their synthetic evolution and the creation of the Ethereals, and the Eldar are well known for being expert manipulators. A Tau-Space Marine alliance, though, would be odd, to say the least, since Tau and Space Marines are always going at it in the [[fluff]]. Of course, a minor [[Space Marine Chapter|chapter]] could always find an alliance with the Tau, or even [[Heresy|join the Greater Good]], but that seems far-fetched at best. Old fluff from back in the 3rd edition codex tells a story of a Tau commander letting an Apothecary remove the aul glands from dead Marines, establishing that the Tau are honourable warriors in the minds of this particular chapter. Isn't too hard to guess that someone at GW felt the battle brothers thing was a bit of a head-desk move, so they tried to fix it.

The weirdest part, though, is that Tau ''aren't'' Battle Brothers with the Imperial Guard, despite (or maybe because of) the existence of [[Gue'vesa]] (Imperial Guard defectors).

7th edition corrected all of this for the Tau, making them only battle brothers with themselves and certain allies of convenience, like Necrons and the Eldar, while the rest are desperate allies or, in the case of daemons and 'Nids, Come the Apocalypse. This effectively "fixes" the issue from the point of view of a butthurt puritan while still allowing for those who bought Tau models to include them as allies in their games.

8th edition totally destroyed any chance of Tau having allies in matched play games. Taudar is dead, thank fuck. It's almost like going around attacking everyone who refuses your offer of pseudo-enslavement is a bad way to make friends. Especially when you can't back it up.

==Tau Member Races==
[[File:Dynamic entry by majesticchicken.jpg|right|thumb|550px|Look up fuckers! You're invited to the latest imperial party and we're not taking "no" for an answer!]]
The Tau are the only faction that willingly accept other races into their ranks. Typically, the races are extended a hand from the Water Caste first, and if they still pose a problem or otherwise refuse to be reasoned with, the Fire Warriors are sent in. It should be noted that tau usually are not in haste of annexing the world, and if the aliens don't want to join right now but aren't immediately hostile and open to trade, Water Caste would slowly but surely convert them into a Greater Good to the point that one day they themselves would ask to join the Empire. The species, when annexed or conquered, are usually allowed to keep their planet, but must answer to the authority of the local Ethereal and possibly the local Shas'o. Most of them are fluff and don't show up on the tabletop, but it would get a little ridiculous if you could purport to play a 'single' 40k race that included, like, twelve different races.

* Demiurg - <s>[[Squats]] reborn.</s> NOT ANYMORE the Squats are back and not Demiurg at all! They are a race of space-faring miners specializing in ionic weaponry who serve the Tau with their engineering and mining abilities. They make an appearance in Battlefleet Gothic: Armada though, so that's nice.
* Galgs - Frog/Toad People who are regularly hired as mercenaries. No other information available. Probably [[Lizardmen#Slann|Slann]] In Space.
* [[Gue'vesa]] - Humans who have not only defected to the Tau, but chosen to take up arms and fight alongside them to serve the Greater Good. Rules for them are found in [[Forge World|Forge World's]] Imperial Armour Volume 3. (If the current trend goes on we may see Sisters join up with the Tau, <s>which might be an improvement for the Sisters.)</s>{{BLAM}}{{BLAM|HERESY!}}
* Hrenian - Alien mercenaries employed for their skills as light infantry. No other information available. Probably [[Lizardmen#Skinks|Skinks]] In Space.
* Ji'atrix - A spacefaring race. No other information available. (Dammit, GW [[Writefag|writefags]].)
* [[Kroot]] - Predatory gene-assimilating avian humanoids. They are the first alien race to be actively recruited by the Tau as mercenaries, and are so regularly hired that they have officially progressed to being considered Auxiliaries of the Tau forces.
* [[Vespid|Mal'kor]] - Insectoid aliens, also known as Vespids, who are native to a gas giant planet within the Tau Empire. Serve as Auxiliaries.
* Morralian - Also known as "Deathsworn". No other information available.
* [[Nicassar]] - A voidfaring race of [[psyker]]s and the only psychically-gifted species in the Tau Empire. The Tau have carefully hidden them away from the Imperium due to their (actually justifiable) psyker-phobia. Were the second alien species to join the Greater Good.
* Ranghon - No information available.
* [[Tarellian]] - These guys are basically [[Lizardmen#Saurus|Saurus]] IIIIN SPAAAAACE!!!!!! Not really part of the Empire, but rather mercenaries who will gladly fight humans and Tyranids on the cheap since the Imperium virus-bombed their home world and the Tyranids nommed their biggest colony.
* Poctroon - The first sapient species to be found by the Tau, [[wikipedia:Siege of Fort Pitt|they were "accidentally" driven extinct by Tau smallpox]], and their planet just by coincidence was a great place to set a Sept World.
* Nagi - Brain worms that, due to their horrific appearance and inability to communicate, were attacked by the Fire Caste. They managed to sort it out, though, and now they work with the Ethereals as advisors (because having brain worms about as "advisors" isn't a bad idea or anything). They have been shown in a few books so far, and were involved in a "mind-rip" (guess outright calling it "rape" was too much) of a space marine POW, while being so self-righteous and smug about their mental superiority they could give Eldar a run for their money. Apparently they can also at least perceive the Warp (which they call "extra-dimensional space"), and probably manipulate it as well, and know enough about it to outright refuse to go anywhere near demonically-tainted Agrellan when the Tau invaded it.
* Ji'atrices, Morralians, or Ranghons are probably other Warhammer Fantasy Races In Space, such as [[Lizardmen#Kroxigor|Kroxigors]] or Trolls, given the overall tendency of the Tau to incorporate Fantasy races missing from 40k.

The usually genocidal actions of the other races, most notably the [[Imperium]], also serve as a motivating factor for less-powerful races to join the Tau. While the Tau do seem a minor threat to the Imperium now, if the current policy continues, there will be more and more races joining up with the them if for no other reason than avoiding [[Exterminatus|extermination]]. Of course, the Tau are just coming to realize how vast and powerful the Imperium really is, and while a lot of their member races really ''are'' the victims of crazy, evil, fascist extermination protocols. Sort of. Usually, the Imperium is entirely justified, though. Any species that the Imperium has no actual reason to wipe out is made a protectorate species, an ally, or allowed to be neutral by the Imperium or just plain ignored (which is usually the case, as many Imperial worlds have alien populations that nobody cares about and may even be traded with under careful regulation and supervision). The Tau were probably going to be wiped out due to the Eldar's involvement with them. An extermination attempt proven to have been justified judging by the number of Imperial worlds the Tau have conquered and the humans they've murdered. Even so, there's always the chance that a species responsible for a "Hell World" or "Nightmare World" might join up with the Tau, and the damage might be done before they realize their mistake...Good thing they haven't done anything stupid like leave a psychic species ali- oh wait. Well, at least they don't have Warp-sensitive brain worms in close proximity to their lead- oh wait...welp, they're fucked.

==In a Nutshell==
{{HurfDurf}}
;'''The Stated Reason Why People Hate Tau'''
Weeaboo space confucianists—not grimdark enough.
;'''The ''Real'' Reason Why People Hate Tau'''
Until the edition update, this would, most assuredly, be [[Fish of Fury]]. Fuck, even most Tau players felt this was bullshit. Post-edition update, it was that certain [[Matt Ward|undesirables]] felt that they were trying to take the mantle of the 40K universe's "rightful" Imperial protagonists. And because they are not [[Choppa|choppy]] enough. And then 6th Edition codex came, and Tau became one of the shootiest armies in the shootiest edition ever, not to mention their ability to bitchslap cheesmongers, having straight counters against any of the Wardex bullshit. When the 7th edition came out they became overpowered AF and they took the title as the cheddar cheese of Warhammer.
More generally, the Tau battle philosophy is "deny your opponent the chance to interact with you," which is a good philosophy for real soldiers but can make for frustrating or uninteresting gameplay.

Of course there's also the fluff side of things, and as mentioned above the Tau are given massive amounts of plot armour compared to everyone else in the setting, even the Space Marines which should give you an idea of how ludicrous it is. To use some examples and keep it short, The Tau have comparatively slow non-warp travel that would '''LOGICALLY''' mean the Imperium and everyone else have a gigantic advantage in space combat and logistics, never mind hit and run tactics, yet after the first few retcons of the Damocles Crusade this stopped being an issue. Even in cases where the Tau are stuck in a planet engulfed in a burning nebula that it's established they cannot fly through, they just go back home by flying through it. Add in battlesuits that are immune to anti-titan weaponry, the capability to conquer (in one day no less) and deport a hive world, where one human hive city has more humans than the entire T'au race and you start to see some issues. Not to mention that despite now having billions/trillions of Humans in the Empire they seemingly have zero problems with untrained psykers being corrupted or chaos cults that force the Imperium to be the arseholes they are.

And of course none of this is even touching the fact that beyond some minor inconsequential skirmishes and battles that barely warrant wiki pages they have never lost a '''major''' war/battle, the worse fate they suffer being a stalemate, a stalemate which eventually transforms into a victory when the Imperium withdraws its forces to other theatres of war where they are desperately needed and the Tau just roll in and accomplish what they wanted anyway. This trend was almost mercifully reversed with Shadowsuns desperate stand against the Death Guard and the Tau Empire seemed to have actually faced its first defeat and setback with the battle lost and Shadowsun missing. But this was seemingly ignored/retconned when she turned up no worse for wear a few years later to, you guessed it, subjugate more Imperial worlds with little issue or opposition. And what happened to the Death Guard? They just mysteriously 'vanished'. i.e. GW wrote them out of existence.

They are also hated by the players that are unironic fans of the Imperium for proving that none of the Imperium's more dickish policies are necessary, and for being a clear-cut "good guy" compared to the Imperium, which can make its more hardcore fan angry at the idea that humans are the bad guys.

Listing the rest of the insane lore armor and other [[skub|interminable list of other assorted stupidities]] that would require their own separate page just to cover them all. Suffice to say for those who are more interested in the fluff their blatant titan grade plot armour can become somewhat infuriating.

;'''A Real Reason Why People Like Tau'''
The one race that isn't being a wall of dicks. If the Tau are trolling done by Games Workshop, then the target of said trolling was any fatbeard that needs a constant supply of grimdark to stay alive. Of course, the mind-influencing pheromones they use to conquer new worlds and their psycho-indoctrination mass re-education facilities will just have to be ignored if you don't want destroy your wishful thinking for a half-way decent faction to exist in 40k. But people have always been good at ignoring shit that doesn't fit into their perceived image of something. Though even considering those, it's saying something that they're ''still'' the nicest faction in 40k; they're just an awful oppressive empire, rather than a hyper-ultra terribad megadeath awful xenocidally oppressive empire, or some flavor of omnicidal maniacs<s>, or Eldar</s>.
;'''Another Real Reason Why People Like Tau'''
Unlike many other races in 40k, the Tau are capable of fitting into many other sci-fi universes without much trouble, such as ''[[Star Trek]]'' where they would be at home alongside other peaceful yet tyrannical Factions like the Federation. Compare that to the Necrons or Eldar which would be both Roflstomps and completely different from all other groups in that Universe (though they might fit in ''[[Doctor Who]]'').
;'''The Real Reason Why People Play Tau'''
Arguably have the most powerful guns in the game. Often twin-linked. Often on cool-looking robot battlesuits. [[meme|Also markerlights]]. Also [[Riptide|RAPETIDE]]. Tau players may also have a tendency towards sadism.
;'''A Solid Reason People Don't Play Tau'''
They're fucking expensive. Seriously. On a points-per-pound level, they cost more than any other (plastic) army (we haven't even mentioned the financial aspect). This is doubly true if you like battlesuits, but of course you do because you're playing Tau.
;'''Helping Necrons? Or are they Necrontyr descendants?'''
An often overlooked issue is that Tau have almost no warp signatures, just like Necrons, hate Warpspawns and Warp in general (despite the fact that in 6E they can work with them...I just...I don't...WAAAARD!!!), just like Necrons, have the exact same skull shape, stature and short lives, and the overwhelming need for Technology and beam weapons, JUST LIKE NECRONS. [[GW]] may have planned a race that simply prepares a pacified, multiracial galaxy for Necrons to feast upon, supported by Ethereals that have a C'tan phase blade. Then there is a reference of "dark seed in east" by the Deceiver, so the tricky C'tan might give Tzeentch the finger in the [[JUST AS PLANNED]] competition. Or maybe GW just has so little creativity that they simply made a new civ conforming to an Old One's standards without knowing it. Given that recent murmurs have suggested that something absolutely massive is in the works at GW, ''anything'' could be possible, though past experience has led us to believe that it will simply be a Tau wearing a silly [[hat]].

==TL;DR==
<s>The good guys</S>
High-tech, Mech-loving alien race who are the ''least'' [[grimdark]] of factions. Can't melee for shit but can blow you back to the stone age with ranged weaponry if you have the misfortune of being downrange. You will either love them or hate them because of all this, and many neckbeards do feel the [[butthurt]]. For some reason Tau females are [[/d/|awkwardly sexualized]] by a non-insignificant minority of fa/tg/uys, which has shown up in some draw- and writefaggotry. As the saying goes: "You can't spell TAUNT without TAU."

== Warhammer Fantasy ==
Unlike most other factions in 40k, Tau have no clear antecedent from [[Warhammer Fantasy]]. Some think the anime influences and rapid industrialization/militarization point towards Nippon; others feel the caste system might be related to the Kingdom of Ind. However, neither faction has ever been explored in great detail (or any detail at all), so it's impossible to say whether Tau are similar to those factions; instead, we must compare to the real-world equivalents of the Old World nations. Slightly more controversially, there are elements of Cathay (which is the Anglicized word for China back in the British Empire heyday, so yes) in the Tau. Cathay has been described as being technologically advanced (at least on par with the Empire), including terra-cotta automaton warriors (which the Chinese definitely used to make to pay homage to the First Chinese Emperor's over inflated ego, more than a millennia ago), although such comparison is stated by some to have [[Skub|already been implemented in the characterization of the Eldar and thus, is considered as ''seriously'' stretching up a notch.]]

More recently, some have connected the Tau and their subject races to other factions in Fantasy. The rapid evolution of the Kroot and their overall savagery is (somewhat) similar to the Gors of the Beastmen (although the Beastmen are in the 40k universe themselves). The Empire also shares the xenos-friendly viewpoint of the Tau, although they're not expansionistic, and decidedly less concerned with a unified government structure so long as everyone pays their taxes, for better or for worse. Others compare them to dwarves: dwarves don't use Chaos magic, are short, technologically advanced, kinda casty and blue (understood in many countries as "hopelessly drunk") basicly all the time. Tau don't use Chaos warp magic, are short, technologically advanced, very casty and blue all the time (in regards to skin colour). Both also get seriously grudgy and angry when you piss them off.

==Trivia==
[[File:Tau Ripoff.jpeg|thumb|right|300px|FOR THE [[Blood Ravens|GREATER THEFT]]!]]
* Some have said that Tau resemble the protagonist KYNE from the Amiga video game Brataccas, which was released in 1986. Tau were first added to Warhammer 40k in late 2001. Some would dismiss this as coincidence, but Games Workshop has a long history of ripping off designs from other games; [[Beastmen]] are [[Broo]] from [[Glorantha]], very large chunks of 40k are a little too similar to [[Judge Dredd]], and all of the Greater Daemon model designs are stolen from early [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. These properties are understandable as Games Workshop was still selling games of those IPs when Warhammer was first created, but Brataccas is an obscure game from a forgotten system that was quite forgettable even at release, even if Amiga games tended to get fantastic cover art. This being said another of GW's early products was also puzzles of of this style of '70's/'80's Sci-Fi art. The Tau cast system does resemble the Protoss caste from [[Starcraft]], which predates the release of the Tau by 3 years... You have the Templar (Fire/Air Castes) Judicators (Ethereals + Water Castes) and Khalai (Earth Caste). In addition to a rogue sub-caste in the Dark Templar (Farsight Enclaves). This is Ironic considering that GW originally was making a deal with Blizzard to make games based on their properties. GW asked too much/Blizzard didn't like the terms and left... to make Warcraft and Starcraft. Starcraft would have become a Rogue Trader RTS. It was probably a mistake on GW's part, as they REALLY missed out. Stealing the Tau from the Protoss was probably done because GW was still salty. Alternatively, Protoss were always intended to be Eldar in the 40K interpretation of Starcraft and any similarities to the Tau are coincidental.
* Tau are technically canon to the Marvel Comics universe, as the series Venom: Space Knight repeatedly used Tau vehicles for aliens in the scenery. In fact, they have the balls to even keep the Tau Sept symbol! Also, you can see what appears to be a Eldar tank, as well as a Necron. The irony of the ripoff masters Games Workshop getting ripped off is juicy, even more so when its realized that lawsuit-happy Games Workshop (who literally tried to copyright "pauldrons" while they plagiarized Eldar from Tolkien and had some contention between [[Malekith|two very similar Dark Elf characters of theirs]]) couldn't do shit about it because Marvel is owned by Disney, and nobody beats The Mouse™. (except Marvel/Disney settled out of court rather than risk the wrath of the Ordo Legalitus)

==Notable Tau==
===[[Canon]]===
*[[Aun'Va]]
*[[Aun'Shi]]
*[[El'Myamoto (Sub-commander Darkstrider)]]
*[[Shadowsun|O'Shaserra (Commander Shadowsun)]]
*[[Farsight|O'Shovah (Commander Farsight) and The Eight]]
*[[Commander Puretide]]
*[[Shas'o Kais]]
*[[Commander Or'es'Ka|Shas'o Or'es'Ka]]

===[[/tg/ 40,000]]===
*[[Blue]]
*[[Faptau]]
*[[O'ren I'shi'ii]]
*[[Shlicktau]]
*[[Xeno]]

==See Also==
[[File:Marvel Tau.jpg|thumb|right|250px|FOR THE GREATER GROOT!]]
* [[Nicassar]]
* [[Sept V'iet]]
* [[Tau Quest]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000: Fire Warrior]]
* [[Tau Dark Heresy]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Tau (9E)|Tactics on how to play them.]]
* [[Tau Cadre Creation Tables]]
* [[Codex_-_Tau_Auxiliary]]
* [[Tau Diplomacy]]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|<strike>Love Can Bloom 3:Golden Shadowsun</strike> NON-CANON FANFICTION GARBAGE]]

==External Link==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrHhS5IkRR0 A Typical Tau-Human conversation.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbuPaCgdO50 Should one of your Tau actually kill anything tougher than a guardsman in melee, you are allowed to end the game in victory as long as you play this clip.]
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhXCQFxGqMM Theme of the T'au Empire. Admittedly, its actually pretty amazing, all things considered.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Tau1.jpg|Stealth suits are :3
Image:Firewarrior.gif|Fire Warriors are :3 too
Image:Tau Chibi Fire Warrior.jpg|Chibi, but not weeby.
File:TauGuela.jpg|Gue'la.
Image:TauOrigin.jpg|Ohhh GW.
Image:Tau.gif|In 40k, everyones' guns are huge.
Image:Tau Fire Warrior.jpg|A Tau Fire Warrior, the basic infantry unit.
Image:Tau Firepower Demotivator.jpg|The sad truth of 6th edition.
Image:combine.jpg|In /tg/, tau are the bad guys.
Image:Itsyourempiretoo.png|Propaganda. [[Nazi|Sound]] [[Communism|familiar?]]
Image:Never shall the tau!.JPG|Surrender... never shall the Tau.
Image:Tauassault.jpg|Tau are vicious melee fighters, no less able than [[Space Marines]]!
Image:1234622525817.jpg|In hindsight, attempting negotiations with Orks was probably a bad idea.
Image:Tau Problem, Astartes.jpg|What's that? We're not grimdark enough for you, Neckbeard?
Image:Tau Sympathizer.jpg|The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer's entry on Tau players.
Image:Discotau.jpg|For the Greater Groove!
Image:Manta.jpg|Fun fact: if you have enough money to buy this, you have too much money.
Image:Tau cosplay2.jpg|Typical Tau player, engaging in typical Tau behavior. (Pretty badass cosplay, even got the hoof right)
Image:Tau Battlesuit vs Smurf.jpg|This Char Custom Battlesuit-clad Tau demonstrates his mastery of [[Anime]]. Also DYNAMIC ENTRY!
Image:E6abddad6c5999a1dbe6085d8614f051.jpg|Tau in close quarters combat barring some very lucky dice rolls.
</gallery></center>
{{Promotions}}
<center><gallery>
Image:TauKroot.jpg
Image:MARKERLIGHTS.png|MARKERLIGHTS!
Image:tau_firecleavage.jpg|Sweet [[Weeaboo|weeaboo]] [[Heresy|heresy]].
Image:Commissar Shadowsuns Goods by morganagod.jpg|DAT ASS.
Image:DAT_SHAS.jpg| A Fire Warrior appreciating DAT ASS.
Image:Tau ass.gif|A Greater Good we can all believe in.
Image:NOT FUCKING CANON.png| [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|THIS IS NOT FUCKING CANON!]]
Image:JoinTau.jpg|Some recruitment methodologies work better than others.
Image:Tau Chick.jpg|Few rarely seen Tau chicks. Maybe because Sisters are hotter.
Image:youtastefunny.jpg|Yeah, we all know the truth about their "greater good".
Image:Subcommander torchstar by sexual yeti-d9qal0l.png|Subcommander Torchstar, Farsight's personal fangirl.
Image:Tau_caste_nudes.jpg|Earth, Fire, Water, Air...Ethereal?!? SWEET MOTHER OF KHORNE!!! MY EYES!!!
Image:Laughing tau whores.jpg|S-shut up you filthy sluts! Among my people it is considered quite a handsome dick!
Image:Power Shopping.jpg|It's a well-known fact that the Tau Empire has some of the best shopping in the entire galaxy.
Image:Taugirlpile.jpg|Here we see Tau propaganda meant to entice men with their terrible, blasphemous, and supple soft skin, smooth curves, perky brea...er...ah...heretical alien bodies.
Image:TauHuman.jpg|Indeed, many humans have already embraced the Greater Good. (The individual with the primitive flashlight has been sent to re-education. Happiness is mandatory, Citizen.)
Image:greatertits.jpg|An attractive human female defector who for some reason has been equipped with a highly modified commander's battlesuit, perhaps as a devious ploy to compel desertion by the less loyal.
</gallery></center>

==Navigation==
{{Tau}}
{{Tau-Characters}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
{{40k-Governments}}
{{Template:Important Species in 40k}}

[[Category: Xenos]]

Tau

2020-12-10T23:48:45Z

2604:6000:B185:8A00:483C:C8D8:9F08:740B: /* Gallery */

{{heresy}}
{{skubby}}
{{Plot Armour}}
[[Image:TAUSYMBOL.gif|center]]
{{Infobox 40k Nations
|name= T'au Empire
|image=[[Image:Tau_Empire_Flag.jpg|300px|center]]
|bgcolor=
|fgcolor=
|Capital= T'au
|Official Languages=Tau Lexicon
|Power= Minor Power
|Size=Approximately 36 Planets
|Head of State=Ethereal Supreme
|Head of Government= Ethereal Council
|Governmental Structure=Caste-Based Authoritarian Federation
|State Religion/Ideology=[[Greater Good]]
|Demographic=[[Tau]], [[Kroot]], [[Vespid]], [[Gue'vesa|Humans]], [[Nicassar]], [[Tarellian]], Nagi, Hrenians and other minor [[Xenos]] races
|Military Force=[[Tau]] Fire Caste, Tau Air Caste, [[Kroot]] and [[Vespid]] Forces, The Deathsworn, Hrenian Light Infantry, [[Demiurg]] Forces, [[Nicassar]] Forces, Gue'vesa Forces and other minor Xenos armies
}}
[[File:9jfnqeaplhexx.jpg|right|thumb|450px|Get the fuck out of the way, [[Imperium|Oldfag]]. (Vior'la Sept Fire Warriors)]]
{{Topquote|Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?|Luke 6:41}}
{{Topquote|Ce qui constitue une République, c'est l'extermination totale de tout ce qui lui est opposé. - What constitutes a Republic is the total destruction of that which is opposed to it.|Louis Antoine de Saint-Just}}
{{Topquote|The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.|Sun Tzu}}

Tau (τ) is the 19th letter of the Greek alphabet, 300 in Greek numerals, and also the name for 2π.

It is also the name of the Warhammer 40K race known as the '''Tau''' (or "bluies", as the Valhallan 597th call them)(or "Space Communists" as anyone on /tg/ will tell you), (or "T'au" as GW copyright lawyers call them), (or "uncreative retards" if you are an [[Eldar]], or "blueskinned atrocity" if you're a [[Imperium of Man|Human]]) are a playable race and a minor and overall insignificant power in ''[[Warhammer 40,000]]''. When first discovered by humanity, the Tau were a barbaric and primitive people. Their planet was then trapped in a warp storm for a few thousand years and they emerged from the other side as a unified species, led by the [[Druids|mysterious]] Ethereal caste and devoted to the concept of the "[[Greater Good]]". Their new empire supposedly has around 115 worlds, although only 36 of those have any sort of activity on them and the rest are either useless rocks or not shown/mentioned at all. They were growing until recently, when the Imperium sent a large invading force to counter them.

Although a dystopian society in its own right, the Tau Empire is noted for being one of the LEAST awful places in all the galaxy of 40k. It's also [[Derp|not really an empire]]; the Tau government, the Ethereal caste, is essentially an edifice of meritocracy and nepotism-Tau leaders are appointed to their position by even higher ranking leaders and/or a council of their future peers; the highest ranking Tau, the Aun'O, is elected by his future underlings, much like the Catholic pope, but is still simply considered the weightiest voice of a group (like a prime minister), not an Emperor with absolute power. Good thing that's not needed for being an empire. An empire is simply a nation that is focused on expanding.

The Tau started as a classic case of successful design-based [[Troll|trolling]] on the part of [[Games Workshop]]. They were originally developed because GW felt that their setting needed an optimistic race and that their wallets needed more money, which they could get by selling shedloads of 40k to the robot-obsessed Japanese. The Tau, therefore, are the least [[grimdark]] faction in the game; [[Tau Diplomacy|they're the dudes willing to negotiate when they've beaten their enemies]] ([[The Beast|we cannot forget the green skinned diplomats our boy sent out during his siege of terra]]) while all the others are either too [[Chaos Space Marines| murderously psychotic in ways incomprehensible to anyone who does not share the same batshit insanity]], [[Imperium|religiously overzealous]], [[Eldar|arrogantly indifferent]], [[Orks|simplemindedly violent]], [[Necron|murderously enigmatic]], [[Tyranid|more interested in eating you than anything]], or [[Dark Eldar|all of the above]] to offer such courtesies.

This began to change in the 6th edition. For all the claims that GW doesn't listen to its fans, someone seemed to have heard the incessant bitching many fa/tg/uys made over the Tau [[Belisarius Cawl|being shoehorned into the setting]] [[Primaris Marines|in the worst way possible.]] As a result, the Tau began to take on an Orwellian flavor and Imperium-esque elements, with the Ethereals being totalitarian autocrats performing acts of ruthless indifference towards their subjects, including [[Nazi|eugenics]] or up to [[Exterminatus]] of lost races (e.g. Orks and Tyranids), in the guise of being for the Greater Good.

Twelve year old [[fluff]] (from ''[[Dawn of War]]'', supported by [[Deathwatch]] supplements describing Achillus Crusade) has them arbitrarily sterilizing the rebelling humans on Kronus once they come under the rule of the Tau Empire (to be fair though, had it been anyone else they were revolting against, including the Imperials, those humans would be dead, [[Grimdark|most likely the slow and painful way, or even suffer such a terrible fate as to wish for death]]).

The Tau Codex leaves ambiguous the question of just how much of their success is due to various forms of indoctrination, caste-based conditioning, and subtle mind control. This has only been exacerbated by the recent Farsight Enclaves supplement, which makes the Ethereals come off as mustache-twirling, Saturday-morning-cartoon villains. It speaks volumes about the 40k setting that in spite of all this they're ''still'' the friendliest race in the galaxy.

Also, the Tau have twenty planets after a handful were eaten by Tyranids (discounting allied held worlds and worlds with little to no inhabitants on them). Despite this, fanfiction writers who somehow got hired by GW and Tau fans alike have this strange habit of treating them like a major faction. For instance, a galaxy ruling combined empire with the Imperum and Eldar usually includes the Tau because the writer doesn't realize the Tau are one of the smallest, most insignificant minor species in the galaxy. This isn't to insult them, they can always get stronger; it's just the plain truth, currently that is. The setting stretches millennia, so who knows how far they can go, hopefully they'll become more and grow experienced as time goes on assuming the setting doesn't fall into constant grind never proceeding to the next year for decades ''again''.

One of the more hateful aspects of the Tau is that Games Workshop feels the need to make them seem viable as an army by having their power fluctuate wildly, for example, the Tau can easily subjugate Imperial Hive Worlds and deport its population so easily that it doesn't even get a footnote. You know, those planets in which the population of a single city shocked an Tau ambassador because ''the city's population was greater than the entirety of the Tau species''? Imagine entire planets of those cities, cities in which everyone is an experienced killer (which is why Space Marines love recruiting from Hive Worlds), armed and ready to fling themselves at any invading xenos to purge them with extreme prejudice. These are the same worlds whose PDF is large enough to enforce Imperial rule, and so contribute massive numbers of Imperial Guard (on top of having their own substantial forces).

As an example of this, take the Battle of Mu'gulath Bay, known as the Battle of Agrellan to the Imperium. This was a fight over a Hive World which the Tau won, how? Using Riptide Battlesuits. According to GW, the Riptide's armor was impervious to nearly all anti-armor weaponry (lascannons, krak missiles, and heavy meltas are a threat to Baneblades and knights and heavier stuff can even threaten Titans, so we know this is bullshit). The kicker though, is that '''''Deathstrike Missiles''''' ''did nothing'' when its shields were active. You know, the missiles '''''Titans are afraid of''''' and can vaporize armies? And can use Titan-killer warheads? '''Those Missiles'''. This is but one example, another goes back to the Taros campaign in which a Tau stronghold was mysteriously unable to be blown to hell by sustained bombardment from Colossus mortars and then the Tau ''sallied out'' to engage the Imperial forces and won. In addition, a lot of fights are won by their opponents being uncharacteristically stupid, for example in both the Taros Campaign and the Battle of Agrellan the Imperium suddenly forgets how to defend itself and its supply lines during the second [[Damocles Crusade]] and engages the Tau using formations and tactics that cater to the Tau in the extreme (this is especially egregious in the finale), [[wat|and even has an assassin forget to use her gun to instantly kill her target]]. Even the Marines aren't immune to this sudden stupefying aura, as we have Space Marine Terminators wielding storm shields were shot and killed because they were too busy telling each other to raise their shields up to block the Tau's shots [[derp|instead of raising their shields up to block the fucking shots.]]

There were like three or four of these suits, by the way.

There are numerous other things too. Such as conquering multiple Hive Worlds in which one city outnumbers their entire species and everyone is hyperlethal, armed, fanatical and specialized in their claustrophobic combat environments where Tau are helpless. The Farsight Enclaves defending ''conquered'' worlds instead of just defending actual Tau worlds. Farsight being spared by a Bloodthirster for no reason. Not being wiped out by the Skitarii's radium weapons. The special ammo Space Marines can use that ignores armor or goes through shields and armor not even being mentioned or used. Invisible Shadowsun ambushing and killing a Raven Guard Chapter Master. Bravestorm somehow intercepting a Vindicare's bullet to save Farsight, and Darkstrider and his Pathfinders somehow finding and killing said assassin because he had a hunch that something was amiss (seriously). The list goes on and on, it's like Games Workshop made an entire faction for us to hate for being Noblebright, which pissed everyone off, so they changed the faction into ''Mary Sues'' instead. They don't even have Warp fuckery to blame for it either, since the Tau have a tiny Warp presence. At least if they were human fanatics GW could claim their faith did it, which would be ''slightly'' more believable than some flavor of "They're just that good."

=="Naive Weeaboo Space Communists"==
[[Image:Tau Weeaboo.png|thumb|right|Cue hotblooded music by [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r6xYnFDoV0 JAM Project].]]
The Tau's naiveté might seem at odds with the GRIMDARK-ness of the setting (and to a degree, a lot of it is), but the thing is, Games Workshop specifically plays this straight FOR the [[grimdark]] and ''knows'' that the seeming futility of the Tau's optimism only further accentuates the general hellishness of the rest of the galaxy - and dear [[Emperor|god]] do they play this up for maximum effect. In the 41st millennium, the Tau come across as ''more'' than a little naive to the other races; the Imperium sees any contact with aliens as heretical and will shoot them with [[bolter]] rounds as soon as they look at them; the [[Ork]]s just want to kick the shit out of things; and the [[Eldar]] see the Tau as young and powerful because of their technology but also as a race in its infancy, just staggering out of its borders for the first time and wandering into a pond full of [[Saharduin|sh]][[Dark Eldar|ar]][[Chaos|ks]], even stating that they have failed, the humans are failing and the Tau are in for a rude awakening. Said Sharks see them as somewhere between sex toy and dinner.

In older fluff, the Tau were implied to have been secretly uplifted by the Eldar through the creation and subtle control of the Etherals (especially the mind-influencing pheromone secreting gland at the base of Etherals’ spines) and guiding them through reverse-engineering Imperial technology from the ruined colony ships. Eventually the Eldar abandoned them because the Tau never accomplished anything notable on their own due to a crippling lack of creativity. Humans must be in physical contact with an Ethereal or perhaps subjected to heavy doses of the pheromone in other ways to be sufficiently affected but aliens are affected merely by being in the vicinity of an Ethereal. Whether this is canon or not now is uncertain. It all probably is, seeing as it hasn’t been retconned/overwritten. Or GW forgot about it.

Putting it simply, there's an ongoing joke that the Tau are some of the most successful trolling performed in the history of mankind just by ''existing''; a case of the company installing them just to mix things up whilst at the same time keeping them surprisingly on-level.

The combination of the above fluff, however, paired with their highly advanced technology, generally "Asian" feel (their Fire Caste's combat doctrine is often reminiscent of Sun Tzu's "''Art of War''" - but derived from two distinct Tau hunting methods), use of [[Mecha|battlesuits]] (just [[Imperial Knight|like]] [[Dreadnought|the]] [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|Imperium]]), [[Hammerhead Gunship|heavy firepower]] which rivals that of the Imperial Guard, and one of the [[Fish of Fury|most broken tactics in tabletop 40K until it was finally fixed an edition later]] has conspired to make them very much hated (and by that we mean a source of butthurt) by a reasonable-sized population of the [[/tg/|40K fan populace]], and /tg/ has rightly dubbed the Tau [[Weeaboo]] (as much due to their Asian-ness as anything else) as a result (even when people can use the same logic to point to the Imperium's xenophobia, the fanatical worship of the God-Emperor, extensive use of Mecha and suicide attacks, use of suicide attacks as punishment for dishonour, and fondness for over-the-top dialogue in general and conclude that the Imperium of Man is Imperial Japan in Space). As a dark twist on this inherent Asian-ness, a thread concerning lack of grimdark fan fluff on Tau led to the creation of [[Sept V'iet]], the Viet Cong Tau.
[[Image:Tau fire warriors.jpg|490px|thumb|left|The [[Greater Good]]: translatable as [[Deal with it|"if you want to make an omelette, you gotta break some eggs."]]]]

And again in a case of much cultural confusion, the Tau are often considered [[Communism|communists]] (despite being a rigorous, hierarchical, near-eugenicist class society that would have Marx's spirit resurrect himself to commit suicide) due to their central philosophy of casting aside the self in favour of the Greater Good. This is partly because it's a nearly twenty year old meme by this point and memes that old are very stubborn about dying... and partly because we're a bunch of ignorant fucks. If anything the Tau more resemble the class system of Plato's ''Republic'' crossed with the caste system of India and [[Star_Trek#The_Federation|Star Trek's Federation]], and a little bit of facism as well (because they're the only ones in the entire galaxy who bother to try diplomacy with xenos rather than [[Exterminatus|exterminate]] them (partly because all but a few alien species are horrific space monsters that only a complete idiot would try to negotiate with)).

Even then, the Tau has more in common with the Imperium than the noblebright space hippie Feds; they adhere to a highly strict doctrine of eugenics, as [[Love Can Bloom|all forms of love, sex or breeding between different castes]] are, translated from Tau lexicon into Gothic, '''[[HERESY]]'''. The Tau also have an explicit merchant caste as well as a single unified currency (something the Imperium of Man only has in theory, [[Imperial Truth|much like everything else]]) along with a system of standardised wage labour which makes them actually more Capitalist than the still stuck in Feudal Economics Imperium. Contrast to the Craftworld Eldar whose society of post-scarcity voluntary labour actually is fully Communist, albeit there are still nobles entitled to bigger houses.

As well, the Tau treat their [[Tau#Tau_Member_Races|non-Tau comrades]] as second-class citizens with no say in the Tau government, and demand them to abandon their old culture and conform to a Tau Empire, basically becoming like everyone else. Ergo, the Tau, despite not being the exterminate-all-other-species kind of racist, are still an ethnocentric, aristocratic empire pretending to be a Federation, not unlike Britain during their 'tenure' as the rulers of India. Problem?

To double the weebiness but to greatly decrease the communism connection, the Tau are remarkably similar to war-time era Imperial Japan. Not in terms of military doctrine but in terms of its geopolitics. Like Imperial Japan they're a young power situated in the east, relatively far from most of their possible rivals' centres of power. Like Imperial Japan they have a seemingly nice enough doctrine in terms of rhetoric; "Greater Good" and "Co-Prosperity Sphere"; but in terms of practise what it means is that they want to replace the old empires in the region with their own. Like Imperial Japan they're at a significant disadvantage in terms of production power compared to their most serious rivals in the region, and hope to compensate for that by tactical superiority and winning big decisive battles to topple the old powers.

To further solidify the connections to Japan in the early 20th century, the Tau Empire even borrows some terminology, such as "spheres" of expansion, a firm belief that despite their grotesque material inferiority to their primary enemies the power of their ideals and their superior willpower shall overcome their enemies all, and a dogged insistence on picking fights it probably can't win. Imperial Japan knew that America alone had nearly twelve times the industrial power, with Britain having thrice Japan's military-industrial might, France just about matching theirs, and the Soviets having four times that, and even China; despite being a wartorn barely functional shithole, could be a quagmire for it. But Japan didn't give a shit because they thought that they were so awesome they could somehow get all these people to surrender through a combination of being better at war than their soft, mewling enemies and that they simply believed in their destiny to rule the waves more than anyone else did. Much like how the Tau is fully aware that the Imperium, the Orks, the Necrons, and the Tyranids could all squash them flat in a stand up fight, but believe this is immaterial because their belief in the greater good shall overcome all and they have mastered the ways of war while their foes are mired in ignorance.

What is for sure though is that, whatever part of the terribly suited to analysing politics outside of the modern era one-dimensional spectrum of political agenda they are on (probably wherever you'd put Imperial Japan during world war two), the Tau government is mainly oligarchical, with the vast majority of political power concentrated in the Ethereal caste. This is further driven home by the fact there is a Tau splinter faction led by one of their two best generals alive, Commander [[Farsight]] of the Farsight Enclaves, whose government is a non-caste society seemingly devoid of merchants, meritocratic semi-democracy. The problem is, until people stop dragging him out of his self-imposed exile to fight Tyranids, Orks, and other Tau, he's a dictator the way Optimus Prime is sometimes depicted. Farsight's government is one most certainly [[RAGE|NOT recognized by the Tau Empire]], who have finally gotten around to dispatching a fleet to silence them. We still have yet to see the outcome of this fleet dispatch, though.

However, the new codex has HEAVILY downplayed their naiveté, bringing back the original codex mention that the Ethereals have officially declared some species "[[Exterminatus|lost causes]]" and that the [[Greater Good]] demands they be killed to the last.
*[[Orks]] were the first of the big players of 40k to get this treatment. They pretty much were the only serious competition Tau had before they discovered the Imperium, and it only took them a few weeks of study to realize the fact that Orks are beyond reason or sanity. They still have not realized that their encounters with Orks have merely been minute numbers of stragglers.
*[[Tyranids]] unsurprisingly ended up on "shoot on sight" list pretty much after the first contact. Like with Orks, the Tau are unaware of the small force of Tyranids they have experienced and that the main fleet they "destroyed" has since come back stronger.
*[[Eldar]] briefly were on the list too, owning this to the first contact being made by the Commorites, and not just any, but [[Urien Rakarth]] himself. It took some nuked Exodite world and Craftworld intervention for tau to realize that not all space-elves are insane rapists and scratch them off the list. Probably more encouraged by the Eldar effortlessly curbstomping them than actually caring that they shot the wrong Spelves.
*[[Space Marines]] seem to be entering the list as of the second Damocles war. The reason is not because it's impossible to reason with them, but because after some intense Water caste psychoanalysis and Nagi "mind-[[rape|ripping]]" they pretty much declared that Astartes aren't ''people'' but merely a ''weapon'' and as such have no place in Tau'Va. Since this means they ignore the [[Blood Angels|artistic]], [[Thousand Sons|scholarly]], [[Word Bearers|philosophical]], and [[Ultramarines|administrative]] aspects of being Astartes intended to give them purpose after the Great Crusade ended the Tau are probably just scared shitless of Space Marines and the sheer inspiration their presence brings even off the battlefield.

To sum it up, the Tau Empire is still an expansionist empire prone to using military force, but far better than almost every other polity in the setting, as it permits others to exist with rather lenient standards, and isn't dedicated to the purposeful extinction of all other life in the galaxy. On the other hand, they don’t care if you’re some primitive feral species or a peaceful member of a species they have decided to be a lost cause. Also, as a result of surviving attacks from the major factions in the galaxy yet being blissfully unaware that those were merely tiny brushes or stragglers of vastly larger forces, the Tau believe they have proven they can truly hold their own in the galaxy against all the major players. As of Eighth Edition they were corrected quite painfully due to the opening of the Great Rift and the loss of most of their Fourth Sphere Expansion forces to a Warp rift, and following a massive Chaos invasion they have been forced to face the possibility that their empire might have bitten off more than it can chew.

Ironically, if their tech really is reverse-engineered Imperial tech (science-wise), it might not be heresy to... take it back.

==Military Doctrine==
[[Image:TauTyr2.jpg|right|500px|thumb|Close-quarters painting [[Drawfag|strikes again.]]]]
The Tau disdain [[Choppy|melee]] [[Rip and tear|combat]] in favour of [[Shooty|ranged combat]], which renders them instantaneously [[Matt Ward|less manly]] in the eyes of most of /tg/'s playerbase. The reasons behind this are complicated. Generally, Tau see hand to hand combat in warfare as an anachronism, which makes sense, considering their basic guns can rip apart tank side armour, and compared to almost all other major races Tau have less muscle strength and reaction speed, which makes them ineffective in melee even if they are trained.

Even the last reason alone is enough to avoid close combat, seeing as [[Necrons]] use similar logic, despite their [[Necron Warrior|Warriors]] and [[Necron Immortal|Immortals]] being much stronger and tougher, and actually highly trained in close combat, but equally as slow, though if the Necrons do want to get into melee, they're certainly not lacking in specialists. That said, Tau do practice martial arts, but only for ritual purposes - Fire Warrior trials and rites involve knives and swords, while Ethereals have a tradition of fighting non-lethal duels to settle disputes, using sharp bladed weapons no less, so they are often quite good with their fencing style, as [[Aun'Shi]] has shown to some unfortunate Orks.

Some people think Tau military doctrine has been hit hard with the same [[grimdark|stupidity]] nerf bat as every other fieldable army; every other faction has some reason for their material to be as limited as they would be in a fantasy setting, but the Tau have widespread education, unlike Men and Orks; reasonable access to production facilities relative to their population, unlike Necrons and Eldar; and are capable of coherent research and development, unlike Tyranids and Daemons.

For fluff reasons which have never been explained (the crunch reason is obvious), they have the same motif as every other army of equipment often being more valuable than the person wielding it, leading to most personnel being fielded with "inferior" equipment. The most obvious example of this is that they always, under whatever circumstance, field infantry in simple combat armour rather than some sort of battlesuit - its only advantage is having less bulk, as the Tau have a reason not to build larger transports to cope with the shitloads of battlesuits they could deploy instead.

This argument is analogous to saying that real-world militaries should only use armored vehicles and not have infantry, and says more about fa/tg/uy ignorance than Tau doctrine. The Tau likely practice economy of force, which has consequences both on and off the battlefield. Sending excessive amounts of force at a target is wasteful, as the excess firepower would be more useful elsewhere. If one only has a unit of XV8 Battlesuits and no infantry, but a swarm of grots in a nearby pass needs to be taken out, they have no choice but to commit a very valuable unit to a task far beneath its worth. This is also an economic matter, as lower power units are cheaper and the Tau do not have an infinite supply of the rare materials needed to produce the strongest Battlesuits.

One could easily field a number of fire warriors for far less than the cost of a single battlesuit, and considering many foes will fall beneath "mere" infantry, any cost-aware faction would prefer the infantry's use over an expensive battlesuit. Similarly, when it comes to occupying or garrisoning territory, numbers of soldiers is significantly more important than quality of soldiers as they need to cover ground and establish a presence. In other words, they are the army who most resemble modern forces in terms of strategy, and mixed armies of infantry, armor and support elements are a good combination. And who the fuck can with a straight face call a pulse rifle and carapace grade armour "inferior equipment"? The view their equipment or doctrine is nerfed also ignores that armies have to replace lost and damaged equipment as well as actually get that equipment to the troops or they're absolutely fucked. An expensive army of battlesuits is lovely right until combat losses alongside wear and tear reach a point where the empires production can't keep up with losses or supply problems mean they don't reach the front (armies in 40k have been shown running low on ammo something far easier to produce and transport in large numbers than battlesuits). An army based around soldiers armed with "cheap" rifles and armour is a lot easier to produce and keep in the field even in the face of casualties or supply problems.

The Tau's superior [[Dakka|firepower]] is similar to that of the [[Imperial Guard]], but their strategy is different in that they tend to rely less on mass warfare and more on sophisticated technical support (drones, stealth technology, railguns), with an emphasis on tactical precision, mobility, and the initiative of individual squads of units, much like how modern warfare is waged (apparently if the Imperial Guard learned from Tau tacticians and fought with modern tactics instead of zergrushing everything then they would have been the most powerful army in the galaxy, but no, that ain't GRIMDARK and AWESOME enough [unless you're [[Lord Solar Macharius|Macharius]]]). Their military doctrine is not based on winning by attrition and/or throwing out quality tactics in favour of absorbing and dishing out heavy shocks in bloody epic clusterfucks like the Imperials, Orks and early World War II-era Soviet Russia. (Unless you count the later war "deep warfare", which is actually the combat doctrine the Tau ripped off. 40k really seems to like the Russians...)

Rather, they use infiltration and their sophisticated battlesuits to [[Anal Circumference|bypass enemy strong points and launch deep into their rear]], cutting supply lines and logistics, destroying headquarters and support units, leaving enemies cut off and functionally helpless. There are numerous examples of Tau literally starving and/or thirsting entire armies to death by cutting out their supply lines, while simultaneously harassing them with night raids, ambushes and air strikes to the point the survivors are leaderless, demoralized, out of ammo and fuel, and can barely stand due to exhaustion. The [[Imperial_Armour_Volume_Three:_The_Taros_Campaign#Volume_Three_-_The_Taros_Campaign|Taros]] campaign is a prime example of these tactics (and of the Imperium's strategic stupidity).

Of course, these kinds of tactics only work fine against more convenient armies like the Imperial Guard or Orks. When it comes to Space Marines and Eldar, who sport mostly aerial/warp/webway supply lines, operate as elite armies without obvious weak spots to exploit, have similar or superior tactical mobility and badass officers that can survive most assassination attempts, Tau lose huge parts of their usual advantages (but get the numerical superiority in return). Against utterly unconventional foes, like Tyranids, Daemons or Necrons... well, all times they faced such foes, Tau either devised some entirely new strategies, or lost horribly.

[[File:TauTyr.jpg|thumb|left|300px|90% of Tau [[dakka]] comes in the form of [[Plasma|pretty blue lights.]]]]
The Tau, again, boast some of the most powerful ranged weaponry on the tabletop game, and can crank out more concentrated firepower than any other faction with the lone exception of the Imperial Guard and maybe the orks if you only count number of bullets in the air, and even then, the Tau's weapons hit quite a bit harder. They have pathetic hand-to-hand combat skills, however, and so the Tau bolster this by using several inducted races (the [[Kroot]], Vespid, and even some [[Gue'vesa|humans cut off from the Imperium during the Damocles Crusade]]) to act as buffers against assault troops to allow Tau Fire Warrior teams and their heavy, long-ranged firepower to tear enemies apart. The most pivotal, and perhaps most infamous, part of the Tau army are their [[Battlesuit|Battlesuits]], which can mount multiple heavy weapon systems and provide excellent mobility to their pilots, all on a fairly durable unit.

They also have an extremely powerful navy, though not quite as formidable as the Imperium's, if largely because of differences in number and tonnage. Tau air units are among the best in the game, with aircraft superior or equal to Imperial Guard equivalents, including a stealth fighter, multipurpose heavy fighter, a superheavy fighter with guns that can one-shot a Titan, and their own [[Manta|Titan-equivalent]] (which is a small starship). Unlike the Imperium, they usually deploy swarms upon swarms of flyers, with only Orks, Tyranids, and Necrons able to rival them in numbers when things come to dogfights—kind of the way the Imperial fleets' atmospheric support craft were supposed to work if fleet officers weren't a bunch of assholes who do everything they can to provide as little air support as possible.

On defense, the Tau are a bit unusual: they leave only token garrisons at their colonies to protect them. These garrisons are intended for scouting rather than combat, avoiding engagement in order to observe and report on invaders using Pathfinders, scanning towers, and drones. Because the Tau have fairly powerful spacefleets and usually keep their forces within reasoned distance of potential hotspots, any potential threat can be quickly dealt with by organizing a hunter cadre to be sent to deal with the situation. For those of you who don't get it, it's Frederick the Great's "he who tries to protect everything protects nothing" strategy.

Of course, this strategy means Tau must have some worlds actually being heavily defended - and in fact they do. Sept worlds tend to be guarded by some nasty space stations and garrisoned by an unreasonable amounts of hunter cadres and auxiliary troops, which allows them to act as major defensive nodes from which response fleets are dispatched and to which evacuation fleets rally (think feudal Japan style castles from which commanders would send trained garrisons out to protect the lands around it from encroaching armies), and in case some really scary shit like an Imperial crusade or a Tyranid hive-fleet comes into the sept, it is on the sept world where the decisive battle is fought (See the First Damocles Crusade for an example of this tactic in action).

This has, however, backfired on occasion, since it does mean that the Tau garrisons are very vulnerable in the initial stages of an attack. It also makes them very vulnerable to Orphean War style rapid assaults where the attacker is advancing so quickly the defender doesn't even have time to relay the news that they're under attack to the rest of their army. While the Tau haven't yet faced something like the Maynarkh Dynasty, they are awfully close to the Sautekh Dynasty and Imotekh is a noted cantankerous asshole and egotistical conqueror.

A rare advantage the Tau have is their willingness to change military strategy. As examples, look at how they changed tactics in reaction to the [[Damocles Crusade]] by the Imperium of Man, and even built an entirely new space fleet to match humans in straight-on space fights, or their unusual but effective choice of switching to older weapons when dealing with [[Hive Fleet Gorgon]].

==Fleet==
[[File:Tau_Map.JPG|500pc|right|thumb|The Domain of the Weebs.]]

In the old fluff, the T'au used to have equip their ships with reverse-engineered imperial warp drives, tuned to only skim the surface of the warp and bounce back to the Materium after a short while. New fluff, on the other hand, has retconned that by giving them what is called a "slingshot drive" for their FTL. From what little fluff we have on it, it looks like the reality-based theoretical warp drive (in the modern physics meaning, i.e. the Alcubierre bubble). The practical applications, however, are the same in both new and old fluff - Tau FTL is much slower than the Imperium's, but is predictable, reliable, and not affected by warp storms (a big deal, given Tau spent half of their history inside one). As a result, Tau are capable of building proper interstellar logistics lines, ones the Administratum can only dream of, but their strategic mobility is . . .lacking, to say the least. Compared to pretty much every other faction (though the non-Warp drive using FTL factions are different; the Necrons microteleport and use wormholes, the Eldar use the Webway extradimensional network, and the Tyranids bring their production power with them as they tugboat in by gravity channeling) the Tau move at an absolute snail's pace, hence the reason why their worlds are so tightly packed together. Of course, if the skip drive was THE best way to travel normally without the Warp and to avoid Warp phenomena, the radically more advanced Dark Age Humanity would have slapped the drives on every type of ship they had. They didn't, which implies the drive was more of a stopgap dead-end then a fully developed piece of technology. There may not even be a guarantee of safety from daemons, as, when the drive pushes against the barrier of reality, all it would take is for a daemon to be in the right place at the right time to stick a gnarled claw into the corresponding area in the Warp and cut through to say "hi" to the engineering crew.

Additionally, Slingshot drives are rather big, heavy and power-hungry, even compared to the Warp drive (which takes up 1/3rd of a smaller imperial ships). As a result, escort-class Tau spacecraft are built without FTL drives and are hooked to bigger ships for the purpose of interstellar travel, which basically make them equivalents of the Imperium's system monitor ships, with the same benefits (cheap, compact and too fast, powerful or durable for their size) without their major downside (being incapable of FTL flight). The Tau also have to concentrate their forces on an interplanetary scale; they can't throw a bunch of ships into a warzone from halfway across the galaxy as orks and humans can.
Tau empire have two fleets:
*Kor'Vatra, or "merchant fleet", is made of older modular ships that double as merchant and colony vessels (hence the name). One of their main shticks is huge arcs of fire for most gun batteries, with side batteries easily covering front arc, and nose batteries covering all but the stern - as a result, while Kor'vatra Ships may not have as much firepower as Imperial or Ork ones, they can focus more of it on one target. On the flip side, merchant ships while decently fast at sub-light, are not very agile, and must rely on escort wings and auxiliary fleets against more maneuverable foes. Even after the founding of Kor'Or'Vesh, the Kor'Vatra still see a lot of military use, especially against the Imperium, precisely because it's regarded as a non-military fleet, so Tau diplomats could tell their imperial colleagues "What battle cruisers on your orbit are you talking about? It's just our merchant vessels, moving goods to and from our trade missions".
*Kor'Or'Vesh, or "combat fleet" is a newer fleet, made for battling Imperium's fleet in straight up battle, after Kor'Vatra got run over during the Damocles crusade. Made out of more compact, maneuverable and better armored ships, it may lack Kor'Vatra's wide arcs of fire, but is superior in every other regard, and as the Taros and second Damocles campaigns showed, it is more than capable of fighting off humans even if outnumbered.
Both fleets use largely the same technologies: railguns as short-range (by Tau standards), high-damage gun batteries; ion cannons as long-range beams (lance equivalent); and, above all, powerful small-craft ordnance (second only to Eldar and available in far greater numbers). Mantas, Barracudas, and EMP drone-torpedoes reign supreme at extreme ranges, gaining the Tau navy the same reputation their ground armies have. Because their small-craft ordnance is so powerful, most Tau ships tend more towards carrier and torpedo boat archetypes than battleships, and suffer horribly if an enemy comes within macro-cannon or boarding range (note the "if"). Technically, the Imperial equivalents are, as they are when compared to most other factions, far superior. The problem for the Imperium is, like always, those things are very rare, built in tiny numbers, and never around when you need them.

==Non-combat Fluff==
[[File:Tau city.jpg|450px|thumb|right|Contrary to what [[Imperium of Man|some]] believe, what this picture shows might just be the future for the entire galaxy if the Tau [[Great Crusade|get their way.]]]]
The Tau were a new race/culture found by the Imperium of Man during their "slash and burn" exploration of their galactic neighborhood. The Tau were still pastoral, had just discovered flint tools and charcoal, and the Imperium had them scheduled for "[[Grimdark|routine cleansing]]" (Low Gothic for “ruthless genocide”) to make sure they never got off-world and developed into an entity capable of threatening humanity. Needless to say, that plan was promptly [[derp|fucked up]]. By an unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on your feelings towards a species' right to not be mercilessly exterminated for no reason whatsoever) coincidence which almost certainly involved the dickery of [[Tzeentch]] or [[Cegorach]] or [[The Deceiver|something]], a warp storm occluded the Tau homeworld, so nobody could get in or out. Since the Tau were virtually invisible in the warp, the warp storm didn't have much of an effect on them as they were immune to the influences of Chaos.

[[FAIL|The sector was labeled "lost to Chaos,"]] and cleansing was [[What|deferred indefinitely]]. Then [[Age of Apostasy|this shit]] happened, and almost all records about Tau were lost in the ensuring [[Rape|clusterfuck]] of civil war. Only the Adeptus Mechanicus still had records of this first contact when the storm died down 6,000 years later. The Damocles Crusade relocated the Tau, who were completely untouched by the warp storm and now using interstellar colony ships and pulse rifles. The extermination order still stood—it was just going to be much more difficult than the Imperium expected, seeing as the Tau, instead of [[C.S. Goto|throwing spears and rocks at their tanks]] and Space Marines, were now throwing [[ion cannon|ion charges]], <s>[[plasma|plasma blasts]]</s> particle accelerators (pulse rifles), and [[railgun|electromagnetically-accelerated hypervelocity projectiles]] at their tanks and Space Marines.

Tau history is pretty typical up through the iron-age: a knack for engineering, warfare between "urban" farmers and "barbarian" nomads, and unrestrained growth causing a series of plagues, leading to a dark age. Here's where things go sideways, though the Tau see it as the start of their endless Golden Age: the arrival of the Ethereals. Legend tells of a five-year siege at the castle of Fio'taun, with both sides starving and succumbing to disease, when two foreign Tau entered the battlefield. One went to the castle, the other to the barbarian tribes. Each of these Tau had a quiet grace and irresistible authority. In just a few hours, the castle was persuaded to open their gates, and the barbarians laid down their weapons, and both parties met to parley a truce.

These strange Tau called themselves "Ethereals," and stressed the importance of peace and understanding between all Tau. They described a "Greater Good" that each Tau must strive towards. Soon after, soon enough to seem simultaneous, more of these strange new Tau emerged across the continent with their message of peace and co-operation for all Tau. Their quiet authority was always respected, and their message of harmony was universally embraced. Wait a minute, [[God-Emperor of Mankind|I've seen this]] [[Great Crusade|historical pattern before]]....

Perhaps uniquely for the setting, Tau-human interactions bear the whiff of realpolitik. On the one hand, the Imperium wants to exterminate them ''eventually'', but the upper management generally realizes that the Tau are going to be a giant drain of resources and manpower to get rid of, given the stiff resistance they put up in [[Damocles Crusade|previous campaigns]] and their [[Riptide|uniformly]] [[railgun|advanced]] [[battlesuit|technology]]. Furthermore, they serve as a useful buffer state against various threats on the Eastern Fringe, from Orks and Chaos raiders to Tyranid hive fleets to alien forces the Imperium hasn't had (recorded) contact with. Their existence deflects danger from Imperial space, and in a place and time when the Imperium is [[Time of Ending|coming under attack from all sides]], that's more important than dogma.

This strategy is not unique to the Tau only though, as the Imperium allows countless other (much more dangerous) xeno empires to prosper in the Eastern Fringe to serve as an ablative shield against much nastier shit. Amongst those is (for example) the Charadon ork empire, which is older than the Imperium and spawns a Waaagh! or two per millennium (even with the routine warboss assasination raids that the Ultramarines make). Even after the emergence of the genius warboss Snagrod and his Waagh on Rynn no one cared to issue a crusade against them. So yeah, the Tau empire is not even close to being spotted by the High Lords, not to mention recognized as a threat dangerous enough to actually do something about.

Conversely, the Tau have realized just how massive an undertaking expanding through the entire universe would really be, and are taking it slow. They mostly absorb Imperial buffer worlds stripped of manpower and armament in the face of massive redeployments to face other threats, offering the Empire's protection in return for annexation and outright conquering the places that don't take the deal. The Tau have claimed that they are engaging in this sort of aggressive behavior because ''someone's'' going to [[Tyranids|gobble]] those settlements up sooner or later, and if ''they'' don't do it, then whoever does won't be [[Exterminatus|nearly as nice about it]]. While baldly self-serving, that logic is...well, mostly correct, really.

There's no lost love between the Imperium and the Tau, but open full-scale war is probably unlikely in the near-future.

And then the Second Damocles Crusade happened.... even the imperium isn't that stupid, so this almost certainly involves that tricky dick Tzeench trying to stop the greater good from ruining all his plans. ...Or nurgle...or, well any of the ruinous powers really. Or that ancient scheming old sperg [[Eldrad]], for that matter.

Looking at the new galactic map, where the Tau are now sandwiched between their own eye of terror and a Necron dynasty, they are soon to be fucked...<s>Maybe...</s> Yep, they got done buttfucked by the Death Guard! And new faith-based Warp fuckery (a glowing flying priest dueling a battlesuit, ''yes'') from the Imperium that even caused some of their human levies to seek redemption by attacking the Tau. And now they've intentionally infected one of their planets with genestealers to see what will happen. This is not a joke.

If things keep going this way, the Tau will eventually see a clash between the shiny new faith fuckreality of the Imperium and the demonic fuckreality of Chaos. Their reaction to such a blatant display of angelic versus demonic would be precious.

=== Castes ===
[[File:Commander HawkEye.jpg|thumb|290px|right|<s>Join the Greater Good, lose your virginity to a hot alien babe!</s> Non-approved sexual contact is an offence to the Greater Good, Gue'la. Now get back to work or you won't get your overtime pay! WE GET OVERTIME PA{{BLAM}}{{BLAM|Asking questions is heresy!}}]]
Tau society after the arrival of Ethereals was organized into castes; everyone with a place, and a place for everyone. [[Love Can Bloom|Interbreeding between castes and Xenos races]] is one of the most severe crimes in the Empire, in other words, [[Heresy]]. This was outlawed by the [[Ethereal]]s presumably to preserve the biological differences between castes, and as part of this effort they have taken over the practice of sex entirely. Tau society has been manipulated so that Tau do not form romantic bonds of a long-lasting nature and do not even consider sex to be anything other than a state-mandated act meant only, like everything else, to serve society and the Greater Good. In essence, Tau are conditioned to never have sex until and unless their superiors say they are worth breeding.

Their superiors pick their breeding partners (the Tau get NO input into this) and the couple basically spends a few days off from work screwing around before going their separate ways to never see each other again. If a Tau did somehow get over their social conditioning and thought of sex as something more than a mandated duty, they'd be [[Blam|punished/killed for illegal activities/perversion]]. An Imperial genetor's report in the fourth edition Tau codex observes the presence of synthetic proteins in Tau internal organs and suggests them as evidence that their evolution has been accelerated, though he might have been confused by synthetic proteins that the Tau were given. [[/tg/]] seems to be under the strong impression that they are mammals, as you can see in the picture further down the page, despite the complete implausibility of this theory. The frequent [[/d/|sexualization]] of the Tau by fa/tg/uys is a mystery to many, but clearly not all. [[PROMOTIONS|Not nearly enough]], in fact. It's obviously a deep desire for Draenei to be added to the setting to [[PROMOTIONS|reward]] our brave Imperial Guardsmen.

==== {{anchor|Fire|Fire Caste}} Shas (Fire) ====
The '''Fire Caste''' consists of the various [[Fire Warrior|warriors]] of the Tau Empire. The miniatures of a Tau army in a [[Warhammer 40,000]] game are almost exclusively Fire Caste. Other castes think Shas are overly-aggressive hotheads due to their tendency to solve all problems by applying more plasma (when Tau encountered other sentient species, Fire Caste representatives immediately voted to hunt down and exterminate them, just like they hunted down dangerous local life forms on the other world they colonized), although for Humans and Eldar, whose history knows numerous [[Wyches|kinky]], [[Haemonculus|horrid]], [[World_Eaters|Earthshatteringly mad]], [[Night_Lords|batshit insane]], [[Blood Angels|bloodthirsty]] individuals and groups, mention of the "Aggressively Hotheaded" Tau would end up with them collectively pointing fingers and laughing at them. On the other hand, it also shows how calm and disciplined other castes are.

They are taller than Earth Caste Tau, and physically stronger than the Air and Water Castes, though still shorter and weaker than a typical Human. They pretty much compensate for this by giving their basic Fire Warrior a [[pulse rifle]], which is sort of like an automatic sniper-[[plasma]] gun, and employ heavily armed and sophisticated battlesuits for their elite infantry. Oh yeah, and [[Railgun]]s. Company-sized Tau forces are called "Hunter Cadres".

==== {{anchor|Earth|Earth Caste}} Fio (Earth) ====
The '''Earth Caste''' are the laborers and engineers; they are the "civilians" of Tau society. Their appearance can vary widely, though other Tau would describe them as "plain." They all have a stoic outlook, with little ambition other than to excel in their career of choice and work for the Greater Good. Unlike the Imperial worker classes, whose quality of life generally ''starts'' at working 14-hour days seven days a week while living off of dried recycled dung chips and goes [[Such is life on Volg|''downhill from there'']], the Earth caste is mostly concerned with technological planning and engineering.

They have robots to do the grunt work. The Farsight Enclaves field some Earth Caste pilots for their battlesuits, demonstrating their more flexible caste systems and/or their desperation for manpower. Doing so makes them ''even worse'' in close combat than Tau already are, but they make up for it with technical training and tweaks to the suits' software and mechanics, re-rolling missed shots and equipment failures.

==== {{anchor|Air|Air Caste}} Kor (Air) ====
The '''Air Caste''' are the intermediaries between Tau. In more primitive times they served as messengers and couriers, and sometimes scouts/explorers, gliding on membranous anatomical surfaces through T'au's atmosphere. When the Tau started exploring offworld, it was the Air Caste that took charge of the vessels traveling between the stars. Now the Air Caste are the Tau stellar navy/airforce/mailmen, piloting the Empire's various carriers, warships, and emissary cruisers. Air caste Tau tend to be tall and slender like runners or dancers, and this is frequently exaggerated by the years the Tau navy spends in low-gravity.

They are much less likely to be eaten by [[daemon]]s due to a faulty Geller Field than their Imperial equivalents, but only because their ships are much slower, using a "slingshot drive" to temporarily enter the Warp and bounce back into real space (or use Star Trek-style warp drives instead of psycho-Warp drives; it seems to have been changed to Warp again). Despite their slender stature and lack of muscle mass, Air caste pilots are extremely resistant to G-force, making them excellent void and atmospheric fighter pilots (simultaneously, as small Tau voidcraft also double as atmospheric craft).

==== {{anchor|Water|Water Caste}} Por (Water) ====
The '''Water Caste''' are the emissaries to non-Tau. They are diplomats, merchants, civil servants. The most open-minded Tau can be found among the Water caste, with some even showing individual ambition (but still for the greater good of the Tau Empire). When a new culture is encountered, the Water caste are sent in first to negotiate. If talks break down, the Water caste are withdrawn from the area and it's time for the Fire Caste to then start negotiating with pulse weapon fire. Also, unlike their Imperial equivalents in bureaucracy, the [[Administratum]], they are brisk, efficient, and very good at their jobs. No dumping valuable ammo on an uninhabited dust world because no one signed the paperwork not to.

It's a less known fact that Pors also run the Tau intelligence and espionage network, and Por'Os and Por'Els from this branch are pretty much Tau Inquisitors except more competent, much saner, and not nearly as good at kicking asses personally. As of the second Damocles Crusade the Imperium has designated the Water caste as a primary threat above any other Tau caste, as their subterfuge, diplomacy and propaganda has cost the Imperium more worlds and manpower than the Fire and Air caste's military prowess combined, and they even managed to totally outplay the Inquisition on its own field, which royally pissed them off.

==== {{anchor|Ethereal|Ethereal Caste}} Aun (Ethereal) ====
The '''Ethereal Caste''' are basically the philosopher-kings described by Plato in "The Republic". They are selfless and always focused on what is best for the Greater Good ("Tau'va") for all Tau and every Tau without exception. The Ethereals are inspirational to all Tau caste members, and merely being near one will inspire a Tau soldier, engineer, pilot, or diplomat to work harder.

In the case of the Fire Caste, some Ethereals accompany hunter cadres in battle during important deployments so as to better lead/inspire the troops, which works because all Tau in the combat zone will fight to their bitter deaths. They also seem to have semi-magical powers (don't ask how they work, none of the Tau know themselves) that allow Tau around them to do special things, like running while shooting. The [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] theorizes that the respect the Ethereal Caste gets from all other Tau is caused by a pheromone. ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTAU.......
Also, ''[[Xenology]]'' relates a story from a major, insectoid race called the [[Q'Orl]] which alleges that the [[Eldar]] stole one of their queens. Given that these queens have a magic, yellow, diamond-shaped sack that produces mind-control pheromones…well, let's just say the characters in the story figure it out quickly enough. There is a theory that the Ethereals themselves are also affected by their own pheromones, which could explain why they're so selfless and uncorrupted despite their absolute power (although being uncorrupted no longer seems to apply after 7th/8th edition).

This can also be supported by the (old as fuck and likely retconned) novelization of [[Warhammer_40,000:_Fire_Warrior|Fire Warrior]], where the Ethereal character has a pretty level head and chipper demeanor despite having been [[Anal_Circumference|repeatedly captured and tortured by both the Inquisition and Chaos, watching his diplomatic retinue chopped up by a Chaos Lord, and mind-raped by said Chaos Lord all in the span of roughly two days.]] Either he's a stoic old motherfucker, or he's just too busy tripping his blue balls on his own pheromones to give a shit.

8th ed has a particularly interesting story in it and it proves without a shadow of a doubt: the Ethereal caste does use some kind of mind-altering substance or influence on the Tau. During a meeting with Commander O'Ryn and Aun'Va (who is a solid hologram controlled by an AI at this point) in the planet of Junica, their location was ambushed by Chaos forces and Aun'Va (or the AI acting like Aun'Va) ordered O'Ryn to send her forces on what's essentially a suicide mission. O'Ryn, not seeing the point of throwing her and her soldiers' lives at such a hopeless battle, actually ''defied'' the command of an ethereal (and the space pope himself, no less) and retreated. It could've been an interesting and pretty terrifying critique of how manipulative a totalitarian system can be and that the Ethereals don't shy away from anything to keep the people in line. But no, it was explained with mind control, which is way lazier and honestly way less terrifying.

O'Ryn was eventually declared a renegade and Farsight took her in, but it does indeed prove that the unflinching and unquestioning loyalty and fanaticism that the Ethereals' physical presence inspire on nearby Tau aren't due to their charisma or the Tau's indoctrination, and instead on something more sinister. To put this into perspective: O'Ryn has been the first Tau since Farsight to actively defy an ethereal's command and the main reason she was able to do so was because she was speaking to an AI-controlled drone, instead of the actual space pope.

Additionally, in the novel Farsight: Crisis of Faith by Phil Kelly (detailing the Farsight Expedition) not only is a Tau Water Caste Magister possessed by a daemon of Tzeentch, who is banished [[Mary Sue|by Farsight carving a bloody hexagram into its chest with his bonding knife]] (Imperium Hexagrammic Wards don't even work that way), Aun'Va uses mind control to have the Magister's superior kill herself. Why? Because he'd dared to say the truth out loud, that the Ethereals were eager to send Farsight off to Damocles so that the immensely popular golden boy won't become a challenge to their rule back home. The ambassador went to her death thinking the ever reasonable Ethereals would let her off with a slap on the wrist for what was basically a breach of etiquette, instead she was dominated into committing suicide for ''being the mentor of someone who'd cast the tiniest bit of doubt on Ethereal motives''. The Tau are grimdark, but politically and psychologically grimdark, rather than physically grimdark.

===Tau Names===
Tau have ridiculously long, detailed and actually meaningful names. Their names contain their caste, rank, birth sept, and one or more nicknames earned by them through the course of their lives. Fluff does say that they ''do'' have birth names, but those are only used before tau earn at least one appropriate nickname, as a name given to them by comrades is considered more valuable than one just chosen by random at their birth. The nickname part and its importance surprisingly is actually taken from the Roman culture, which is weird, given most Tau culture tend to be based on China and Japan (except for their social and government structures which are copied almost verbatim from Plato's Republic).

Also, do note the lack of last names, which is expected, since Tau society pretty much have no institute of a family, with children being raised in centralized facilities apart from their parents. As a Tau grows, moves through ranks and achieves the respect of their comrades their name changes appropriately, switching the rank part, adding new nicknames and sometimes dropping the old and outdated ones. For example, when Farsight was still a lowly fire warrior, his name was '''Shas'La Vior'La Shoh''' (Fire Caste Private of the Hot-Blooded sept Inner Light), and at the "present days" '''Shas'O Vior'La Shovah Kais Mont'yr''' (Fire Caste Commander of the Hot-Blooded sept Farsight Skillful Blooded). How the fuck Tau bureaucracy is able to keep track of their population with their names constantly changing is a mystery, but it seems they have no problem with that, probably because they just track ID numbers when names are too much of an issue like most sane people who work with databases.

For the sake of convenience Tau often use shortened versions of names, almost always dropping the sept part and secondary nicknames, and if speaking within one caste the caste part too, so in the case of Farsight other fire warriors could refer to him as O'Shovah, while for example an Ethereal would call him Shas'O'Shovah (assuming Farsight allows this; given his seething hatred of Ethereals he's the type who'd force them to use his full name out of spite). Humans and other non-Tau often get this system wrong and shorten the names in a ways that make little sense: for example, Imperium's Taros invasion force thought the Taros' chief Ethereal's name was Aun'El, which was only his caste and rank, and as the book was mostly written from the Imperium's standpoint, we still don't know what his actual name was.

One final stroke of Tau naming is that as they abandon their true (birth) names it makes them even more resistant to sorcery and daemonic powers that often require the target's true name to amplify their effect or even make the spell work at all.

===Psychic/Chaos Defenses===
Tau as a species are comprised of psychic blunts, they cannot produce psykers and have limited innate resistance to some forms of psychic powers and daemonic bullshit. People often mistake this resistance to outright invulnerability, but in truth it's more akin to camouflage - Tau souls are so dim they are indistinguishable from the spirits of non-sapients at best, and at times they even blend in the psychic background of inanimate objects. This may have something to do with how unemotional Tau are, as some of the more passionate subjects in the fluff had been slightly affected by warp shenanigans like faint whispers and slight feelings of "wrongness" in places where humans freak out and try to run away immediately, while more calm and collected tau hadn't noticed anything strange. If for example a telepath tries to mind-rape a Tau or a daemon tries to posses a Tau they'd find it hard to find a soul to target, but if they did manage to find it, there would be even less resistance than with regular humans. Sadly while this trait is often shown in the fluff, it does not affect Tau crunch in any way aside from their total lack of psykers.

This innate defense is further strengthened by the Greater Good philosophy deeply indoctrinated into each Tau from childhood and (allegedly) reinforced by a subtle mind control if one were to believe in Ethereal Pheromones. Tau'Va being the antithesis of all the creeds of Chaos makes Tau all but immune to its temptations, and only two Tau have ever actually fallen to Chaos: the Water Caste member Water Spider who was possessed by a Daemon of Tzeentch - although, rather amusingly, the Deamon forced Water Spider to become obsessed with the truth, something abberant to the Water Caste and hugely difficult for the Tau as a whole; and one [[Warhammer 40,000: Fire Warrior|Shas'la Kais]]. (Though Kais is a contested point. The video game iteration of Kais was ultimately untainted and even allegedly grew up to be [[Shas'O Kais]]. The much better novelization had Kais getting an assist from Khorne throughout his adventure, though he was permanently scarred by Khorne's influence and the conflict, [[Grimdark|leaving him permanently insane and hospitalized, unable to meaningfully respond to his friends and environment]].) That being said, the Tau have only just been exposed to the more material horrors of the galaxy; should they become jaded and start losing faith in the Greater Good (as inferred with giving up on indoctrinating certain species), well, that would be an entirely different situation. Their allies, including the Kroot, have been known to go all-in with Chaos worship ''(eating your enemies to get better at killing them? Khorne and Tzeentch approve)'', although Tau seldom take culture from their allied races.

8th Ed is here, and has confirmed that the Tau aren't immune to Chaos, just slightly difficult for Daemons to spot. When the Tau started the 4th Sphere Expansion with their new warp drives they didn't take a note from the Imperials' tech and failed to invent the [[Gellar Field]] too, meaning they were fully vulnerable to the Warp's denizens. The entire experience was hilarious. First was the unpredictability of their warp drives (known as "slipstream technology" to them) that caused most of their expeditionary fleet to be destroyed due to unleashing massive tears in the fabric of reality, [[lulz|while being broadcasted to the Tau sept worlds, causing the Ethereals to rapidly evacuate their bowels as they scramble to censor the event for the wider populace.]] Those that weren't immediately torn up by the warp rifts were sucked into the Warp where a vast majority was either destroyed after drifting in the more unsavory parts of the Warp or by the various daemons mucking about.

Contact was lost, but the Tau managed to find the survivors later, nestled into several worlds that were the original target for conquest. The Tau that survived, however, were acting weird. Some of them started shoving off the Greater Good, while some worshiped a voice that they claim to be the Greater Good itself (which may or may not be a warp entity), while some were outright driven insane. A disturbing trend about them was their total [[Imperium|xenophobia and brutality]]. Any non-Tau who wasn't driven off from the 4th Sphere colonies were murdered for [[Chaos God|something]] that was telling the survivors that the auxiliaries were the reason for their loss and torment due to their more powerful connection to the Warp, so killing all non-Tau was the only way to ensure the survival of the Greater Good.

That being said, they're still hard for Daemons to see, considering that the Fourth Sphere dove into the Warp unprotected and "merely" got off with plain Chaos corruption when most people who try that shit critfails their [[anal circumference]] roll and either gets torn apart by daemon cocks or becomes [[Chaos Spawn|a Chaos spaaauuuughgghblblblbbl]]. The weirdest part though is that the Warp itself didn't really bother thing. Daemons are one thing but the Warp itself fucks up anything unprotected. That's just its nature, like if you get in water you'll get wet without protection. But this event does still prove that the Chaos Gods can still influence the Tau with enough warp exposure, so it wouldn't be surprising if a few of them started going bughouse-nuts and began carving 8-pointed stars on their persons in the future. Especially with virtually the entire [[Death Guard]] and a large force of the [[Thousand Sons]] heading straight for the wormhole that links the Fourth Sphere colonies to the center of the Empire...oh wait GW just retconned that force out of existence when they realised the Tau might actually ''lose'' for once. The horror.

...and funny thing about that - the 8E Daemons Codex does mention one Tau agri-world that was cut off from supplies eventually succumbing to the native faith revering a certain "Rainfather" - [[Rotigus]] Rainfather, a notorious [[Great Unclean One]].

On the subject, let's not forget that some soldiers are supposed to [[Lovecraft|be driven insane just by looking at the more horrific daemons]] like Great Unclean Ones. Their immunity to this is probably GW incompetency as usual, Matt Ward/Phil Kelly levels of plot armor, or a combination of both.

==Alliances==
[[File:Illus4.jpg|280px|right|thumb|Unfortunately for some [[Slaanesh|deviants]] [[Extra Heresy|and heretical elements on]] [[/tg/]]. [[Not as Planned|This is what an actual canon Tau Female looks like.]] No boobs, no curves, no ass, no redeeming qualities other than having a face of your grandmother and the nose of a mutilated vag. Know the alien. Hate the alien. Purge the alien. The Emperor Protects! <s>This is an Ethereal though, so the other castes should be fair game.</s>]]
{{MattWard}}

In 6th edition, Tau are notable for being one of two factions (the other being Imperial Guard) who can ally with anyone except for 'Nids. Yes, this includes [[Wat|both Chaos Space Marines and Chaos Daemons,]] although, according to the Farsight Enclaves supplement, Farsight rebelled because the Ethereals understand the existence of Chaos on some level, but keep it suppressed from the general populace so they're not entirely screwed. [[Emperor|That sounds vaguely familiar]]... it is probably going to end [[Horus Heresy|about as well]] (although due to cultural differences likely in it's own distinct way); all of this is, of course, assuming that the 'nids don't NOM everything before the Tau get the opportunity to fuck their own shit up.

Their current level of naïveté leads to a few... ''interesting'' alliances, to say the least.

First off, Tau ''can'' ally with [[Ork]]s, even though fluff-wise they are viewed as enemies of the Greater Good to be purged wherever encountered. Smaller Ork warbands (mostly [[Blood Axes]]) frequently act as mercenaries, of course, so the Tau might use them in that capacity. Plus, there might be fluff changes coming up (most notably, it was rumored that the [[Gretchin Revolutionary Committee]] would return in the new Orks codex; they, of course, would get along quite well with the Tau).

They are also battle brothers with both the Space Marines and Eldar, which has caused a large amount of headscratching on /tg/. The Eldar make a modicum of sense; after all, the Eldar most likely had a hand in their synthetic evolution and the creation of the Ethereals, and the Eldar are well known for being expert manipulators. A Tau-Space Marine alliance, though, would be odd, to say the least, since Tau and Space Marines are always going at it in the [[fluff]]. Of course, a minor [[Space Marine Chapter|chapter]] could always find an alliance with the Tau, or even [[Heresy|join the Greater Good]], but that seems far-fetched at best. Old fluff from back in the 3rd edition codex tells a story of a Tau commander letting an Apothecary remove the aul glands from dead Marines, establishing that the Tau are honourable warriors in the minds of this particular chapter. Isn't too hard to guess that someone at GW felt the battle brothers thing was a bit of a head-desk move, so they tried to fix it.

The weirdest part, though, is that Tau ''aren't'' Battle Brothers with the Imperial Guard, despite (or maybe because of) the existence of [[Gue'vesa]] (Imperial Guard defectors).

7th edition corrected all of this for the Tau, making them only battle brothers with themselves and certain allies of convenience, like Necrons and the Eldar, while the rest are desperate allies or, in the case of daemons and 'Nids, Come the Apocalypse. This effectively "fixes" the issue from the point of view of a butthurt puritan while still allowing for those who bought Tau models to include them as allies in their games.

8th edition totally destroyed any chance of Tau having allies in matched play games. Taudar is dead, thank fuck. It's almost like going around attacking everyone who refuses your offer of pseudo-enslavement is a bad way to make friends. Especially when you can't back it up.

==Tau Member Races==
[[File:Dynamic entry by majesticchicken.jpg|right|thumb|550px|Look up fuckers! You're invited to the latest imperial party and we're not taking "no" for an answer!]]
The Tau are the only faction that willingly accept other races into their ranks. Typically, the races are extended a hand from the Water Caste first, and if they still pose a problem or otherwise refuse to be reasoned with, the Fire Warriors are sent in. It should be noted that tau usually are not in haste of annexing the world, and if the aliens don't want to join right now but aren't immediately hostile and open to trade, Water Caste would slowly but surely convert them into a Greater Good to the point that one day they themselves would ask to join the Empire. The species, when annexed or conquered, are usually allowed to keep their planet, but must answer to the authority of the local Ethereal and possibly the local Shas'o. Most of them are fluff and don't show up on the tabletop, but it would get a little ridiculous if you could purport to play a 'single' 40k race that included, like, twelve different races.

* Demiurg - <s>[[Squats]] reborn.</s> NOT ANYMORE the Squats are back and not Demiurg at all! They are a race of space-faring miners specializing in ionic weaponry who serve the Tau with their engineering and mining abilities. They make an appearance in Battlefleet Gothic: Armada though, so that's nice.
* Galgs - Frog/Toad People who are regularly hired as mercenaries. No other information available. Probably [[Lizardmen#Slann|Slann]] In Space.
* [[Gue'vesa]] - Humans who have not only defected to the Tau, but chosen to take up arms and fight alongside them to serve the Greater Good. Rules for them are found in [[Forge World|Forge World's]] Imperial Armour Volume 3. (If the current trend goes on we may see Sisters join up with the Tau, <s>which might be an improvement for the Sisters.)</s>{{BLAM}}{{BLAM|HERESY!}}
* Hrenian - Alien mercenaries employed for their skills as light infantry. No other information available. Probably [[Lizardmen#Skinks|Skinks]] In Space.
* Ji'atrix - A spacefaring race. No other information available. (Dammit, GW [[Writefag|writefags]].)
* [[Kroot]] - Predatory gene-assimilating avian humanoids. They are the first alien race to be actively recruited by the Tau as mercenaries, and are so regularly hired that they have officially progressed to being considered Auxiliaries of the Tau forces.
* [[Vespid|Mal'kor]] - Insectoid aliens, also known as Vespids, who are native to a gas giant planet within the Tau Empire. Serve as Auxiliaries.
* Morralian - Also known as "Deathsworn". No other information available.
* [[Nicassar]] - A voidfaring race of [[psyker]]s and the only psychically-gifted species in the Tau Empire. The Tau have carefully hidden them away from the Imperium due to their (actually justifiable) psyker-phobia. Were the second alien species to join the Greater Good.
* Ranghon - No information available.
* [[Tarellian]] - These guys are basically [[Lizardmen#Saurus|Saurus]] IIIIN SPAAAAACE!!!!!! Not really part of the Empire, but rather mercenaries who will gladly fight humans and Tyranids on the cheap since the Imperium virus-bombed their home world and the Tyranids nommed their biggest colony.
* Poctroon - The first sapient species to be found by the Tau, [[wikipedia:Siege of Fort Pitt|they were "accidentally" driven extinct by Tau smallpox]], and their planet just by coincidence was a great place to set a Sept World.
* Nagi - Brain worms that, due to their horrific appearance and inability to communicate, were attacked by the Fire Caste. They managed to sort it out, though, and now they work with the Ethereals as advisors (because having brain worms about as "advisors" isn't a bad idea or anything). They have been shown in a few books so far, and were involved in a "mind-rip" (guess outright calling it "rape" was too much) of a space marine POW, while being so self-righteous and smug about their mental superiority they could give Eldar a run for their money. Apparently they can also at least perceive the Warp (which they call "extra-dimensional space"), and probably manipulate it as well, and know enough about it to outright refuse to go anywhere near demonically-tainted Agrellan when the Tau invaded it.
* Ji'atrices, Morralians, or Ranghons are probably other Warhammer Fantasy Races In Space, such as [[Lizardmen#Kroxigor|Kroxigors]] or Trolls, given the overall tendency of the Tau to incorporate Fantasy races missing from 40k.

The usually genocidal actions of the other races, most notably the [[Imperium]], also serve as a motivating factor for less-powerful races to join the Tau. While the Tau do seem a minor threat to the Imperium now, if the current policy continues, there will be more and more races joining up with the them if for no other reason than avoiding [[Exterminatus|extermination]]. Of course, the Tau are just coming to realize how vast and powerful the Imperium really is, and while a lot of their member races really ''are'' the victims of crazy, evil, fascist extermination protocols. Sort of. Usually, the Imperium is entirely justified, though. Any species that the Imperium has no actual reason to wipe out is made a protectorate species, an ally, or allowed to be neutral by the Imperium or just plain ignored (which is usually the case, as many Imperial worlds have alien populations that nobody cares about and may even be traded with under careful regulation and supervision). The Tau were probably going to be wiped out due to the Eldar's involvement with them. An extermination attempt proven to have been justified judging by the number of Imperial worlds the Tau have conquered and the humans they've murdered. Even so, there's always the chance that a species responsible for a "Hell World" or "Nightmare World" might join up with the Tau, and the damage might be done before they realize their mistake...Good thing they haven't done anything stupid like leave a psychic species ali- oh wait. Well, at least they don't have Warp-sensitive brain worms in close proximity to their lead- oh wait...welp, they're fucked.

==In a Nutshell==
{{HurfDurf}}
;'''The Stated Reason Why People Hate Tau'''
Weeaboo space confucianists—not grimdark enough.
;'''The ''Real'' Reason Why People Hate Tau'''
Until the edition update, this would, most assuredly, be [[Fish of Fury]]. Fuck, even most Tau players felt this was bullshit. Post-edition update, it was that certain [[Matt Ward|undesirables]] felt that they were trying to take the mantle of the 40K universe's "rightful" Imperial protagonists. And because they are not [[Choppa|choppy]] enough. And then 6th Edition codex came, and Tau became one of the shootiest armies in the shootiest edition ever, not to mention their ability to bitchslap cheesmongers, having straight counters against any of the Wardex bullshit. When the 7th edition came out they became overpowered AF and they took the title as the cheddar cheese of Warhammer.
More generally, the Tau battle philosophy is "deny your opponent the chance to interact with you," which is a good philosophy for real soldiers but can make for frustrating or uninteresting gameplay.

Of course there's also the fluff side of things, and as mentioned above the Tau are given massive amounts of plot armour compared to everyone else in the setting, even the Space Marines which should give you an idea of how ludicrous it is. To use some examples and keep it short, The Tau have comparatively slow non-warp travel that would '''LOGICALLY''' mean the Imperium and everyone else have a gigantic advantage in space combat and logistics, never mind hit and run tactics, yet after the first few retcons of the Damocles Crusade this stopped being an issue. Even in cases where the Tau are stuck in a planet engulfed in a burning nebula that it's established they cannot fly through, they just go back home by flying through it. Add in battlesuits that are immune to anti-titan weaponry, the capability to conquer (in one day no less) and deport a hive world, where one human hive city has more humans than the entire T'au race and you start to see some issues. Not to mention that despite now having billions/trillions of Humans in the Empire they seemingly have zero problems with untrained psykers being corrupted or chaos cults that force the Imperium to be the arseholes they are.

And of course none of this is even touching the fact that beyond some minor inconsequential skirmishes and battles that barely warrant wiki pages they have never lost a '''major''' war/battle, the worse fate they suffer being a stalemate, a stalemate which eventually transforms into a victory when the Imperium withdraws its forces to other theatres of war where they are desperately needed and the Tau just roll in and accomplish what they wanted anyway. This trend was almost mercifully reversed with Shadowsuns desperate stand against the Death Guard and the Tau Empire seemed to have actually faced its first defeat and setback with the battle lost and Shadowsun missing. But this was seemingly ignored/retconned when she turned up no worse for wear a few years later to, you guessed it, subjugate more Imperial worlds with little issue or opposition. And what happened to the Death Guard? They just mysteriously 'vanished'. i.e. GW wrote them out of existence.

They are also hated by the players that are unironic fans of the Imperium for proving that none of the Imperium's more dickish policies are necessary, and for being a clear-cut "good guy" compared to the Imperium, which can make its more hardcore fan angry at the idea that humans are the bad guys.

Listing the rest of the insane lore armor and other [[skub|interminable list of other assorted stupidities]] that would require their own separate page just to cover them all. Suffice to say for those who are more interested in the fluff their blatant titan grade plot armour can become somewhat infuriating.

;'''A Real Reason Why People Like Tau'''
The one race that isn't being a wall of dicks. If the Tau are trolling done by Games Workshop, then the target of said trolling was any fatbeard that needs a constant supply of grimdark to stay alive. Of course, the mind-influencing pheromones they use to conquer new worlds and their psycho-indoctrination mass re-education facilities will just have to be ignored if you don't want destroy your wishful thinking for a half-way decent faction to exist in 40k. But people have always been good at ignoring shit that doesn't fit into their perceived image of something. Though even considering those, it's saying something that they're ''still'' the nicest faction in 40k; they're just an awful oppressive empire, rather than a hyper-ultra terribad megadeath awful xenocidally oppressive empire, or some flavor of omnicidal maniacs<s>, or Eldar</s>.
;'''Another Real Reason Why People Like Tau'''
Unlike many other races in 40k, the Tau are capable of fitting into many other sci-fi universes without much trouble, such as ''[[Star Trek]]'' where they would be at home alongside other peaceful yet tyrannical Factions like the Federation. Compare that to the Necrons or Eldar which would be both Roflstomps and completely different from all other groups in that Universe (though they might fit in ''[[Doctor Who]]'').
;'''The Real Reason Why People Play Tau'''
Arguably have the most powerful guns in the game. Often twin-linked. Often on cool-looking robot battlesuits. [[meme|Also markerlights]]. Also [[Riptide|RAPETIDE]]. Tau players may also have a tendency towards sadism.
;'''A Solid Reason People Don't Play Tau'''
They're fucking expensive. Seriously. On a points-per-pound level, they cost more than any other (plastic) army (we haven't even mentioned the financial aspect). This is doubly true if you like battlesuits, but of course you do because you're playing Tau.
;'''Helping Necrons? Or are they Necrontyr descendants?'''
An often overlooked issue is that Tau have almost no warp signatures, just like Necrons, hate Warpspawns and Warp in general (despite the fact that in 6E they can work with them...I just...I don't...WAAAARD!!!), just like Necrons, have the exact same skull shape, stature and short lives, and the overwhelming need for Technology and beam weapons, JUST LIKE NECRONS. [[GW]] may have planned a race that simply prepares a pacified, multiracial galaxy for Necrons to feast upon, supported by Ethereals that have a C'tan phase blade. Then there is a reference of "dark seed in east" by the Deceiver, so the tricky C'tan might give Tzeentch the finger in the [[JUST AS PLANNED]] competition. Or maybe GW just has so little creativity that they simply made a new civ conforming to an Old One's standards without knowing it. Given that recent murmurs have suggested that something absolutely massive is in the works at GW, ''anything'' could be possible, though past experience has led us to believe that it will simply be a Tau wearing a silly [[hat]].

==TL;DR==
<s>The good guys</S>
High-tech, Mech-loving alien race who are the ''least'' [[grimdark]] of factions. Can't melee for shit but can blow you back to the stone age with ranged weaponry if you have the misfortune of being downrange. You will either love them or hate them because of all this, and many neckbeards do feel the [[butthurt]]. For some reason Tau females are [[/d/|awkwardly sexualized]] by a non-insignificant minority of fa/tg/uys, which has shown up in some draw- and writefaggotry. As the saying goes: "You can't spell TAUNT without TAU."

== Warhammer Fantasy ==
Unlike most other factions in 40k, Tau have no clear antecedent from [[Warhammer Fantasy]]. Some think the anime influences and rapid industrialization/militarization point towards Nippon; others feel the caste system might be related to the Kingdom of Ind. However, neither faction has ever been explored in great detail (or any detail at all), so it's impossible to say whether Tau are similar to those factions; instead, we must compare to the real-world equivalents of the Old World nations. Slightly more controversially, there are elements of Cathay (which is the Anglicized word for China back in the British Empire heyday, so yes) in the Tau. Cathay has been described as being technologically advanced (at least on par with the Empire), including terra-cotta automaton warriors (which the Chinese definitely used to make to pay homage to the First Chinese Emperor's over inflated ego, more than a millennia ago), although such comparison is stated by some to have [[Skub|already been implemented in the characterization of the Eldar and thus, is considered as ''seriously'' stretching up a notch.]]

More recently, some have connected the Tau and their subject races to other factions in Fantasy. The rapid evolution of the Kroot and their overall savagery is (somewhat) similar to the Gors of the Beastmen (although the Beastmen are in the 40k universe themselves). The Empire also shares the xenos-friendly viewpoint of the Tau, although they're not expansionistic, and decidedly less concerned with a unified government structure so long as everyone pays their taxes, for better or for worse. Others compare them to dwarves: dwarves don't use Chaos magic, are short, technologically advanced, kinda casty and blue (understood in many countries as "hopelessly drunk") basicly all the time. Tau don't use Chaos warp magic, are short, technologically advanced, very casty and blue all the time (in regards to skin colour). Both also get seriously grudgy and angry when you piss them off.

==Trivia==
[[File:Tau Ripoff.jpeg|thumb|right|300px|FOR THE [[Blood Ravens|GREATER THEFT]]!]]
* Some have said that Tau resemble the protagonist KYNE from the Amiga video game Brataccas, which was released in 1986. Tau were first added to Warhammer 40k in late 2001. Some would dismiss this as coincidence, but Games Workshop has a long history of ripping off designs from other games; [[Beastmen]] are [[Broo]] from [[Glorantha]], very large chunks of 40k are a little too similar to [[Judge Dredd]], and all of the Greater Daemon model designs are stolen from early [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. These properties are understandable as Games Workshop was still selling games of those IPs when Warhammer was first created, but Brataccas is an obscure game from a forgotten system that was quite forgettable even at release, even if Amiga games tended to get fantastic cover art. This being said another of GW's early products was also puzzles of of this style of '70's/'80's Sci-Fi art. The Tau cast system does resemble the Protoss caste from [[Starcraft]], which predates the release of the Tau by 3 years... You have the Templar (Fire/Air Castes) Judicators (Ethereals + Water Castes) and Khalai (Earth Caste). In addition to a rogue sub-caste in the Dark Templar (Farsight Enclaves). This is Ironic considering that GW originally was making a deal with Blizzard to make games based on their properties. GW asked too much/Blizzard didn't like the terms and left... to make Warcraft and Starcraft. Starcraft would have become a Rogue Trader RTS. It was probably a mistake on GW's part, as they REALLY missed out. Stealing the Tau from the Protoss was probably done because GW was still salty. Alternatively, Protoss were always intended to be Eldar in the 40K interpretation of Starcraft and any similarities to the Tau are coincidental.
* Tau are technically canon to the Marvel Comics universe, as the series Venom: Space Knight repeatedly used Tau vehicles for aliens in the scenery. In fact, they have the balls to even keep the Tau Sept symbol! Also, you can see what appears to be a Eldar tank, as well as a Necron. The irony of the ripoff masters Games Workshop getting ripped off is juicy, even more so when its realized that lawsuit-happy Games Workshop (who literally tried to copyright "pauldrons" while they plagiarized Eldar from Tolkien and had some contention between [[Malekith|two very similar Dark Elf characters of theirs]]) couldn't do shit about it because Marvel is owned by Disney, and nobody beats The Mouse™. (except Marvel/Disney settled out of court rather than risk the wrath of the Ordo Legalitus)

==Notable Tau==
===[[Canon]]===
*[[Aun'Va]]
*[[Aun'Shi]]
*[[El'Myamoto (Sub-commander Darkstrider)]]
*[[Shadowsun|O'Shaserra (Commander Shadowsun)]]
*[[Farsight|O'Shovah (Commander Farsight) and The Eight]]
*[[Commander Puretide]]
*[[Shas'o Kais]]
*[[Commander Or'es'Ka|Shas'o Or'es'Ka]]

===[[/tg/ 40,000]]===
*[[Blue]]
*[[Faptau]]
*[[O'ren I'shi'ii]]
*[[Shlicktau]]
*[[Xeno]]

==See Also==
[[File:Marvel Tau.jpg|thumb|right|250px|FOR THE GREATER GROOT!]]
* [[Nicassar]]
* [[Sept V'iet]]
* [[Tau Quest]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000: Fire Warrior]]
* [[Tau Dark Heresy]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Tau (9E)|Tactics on how to play them.]]
* [[Tau Cadre Creation Tables]]
* [[Codex_-_Tau_Auxiliary]]
* [[Tau Diplomacy]]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|<strike>Love Can Bloom 3:Golden Shadowsun</strike> NON-CANON FANFICTION GARBAGE]]

==External Link==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrHhS5IkRR0 A Typical Tau-Human conversation.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbuPaCgdO50 Should one of your Tau actually kill anything tougher than a guardsman in melee, you are allowed to end the game in victory as long as you play this clip.]
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhXCQFxGqMM Theme of the T'au Empire. Admittedly, its actually pretty amazing, all things considered.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Tau1.jpg|Stealth suits are :3
Image:Firewarrior.gif|Fire Warriors are :3 too
Image:Tau Chibi Fire Warrior.jpg|Chibi, but not weeby.
File:TauGuela.jpg|Gue'la.
Image:TauOrigin.jpg|Ohhh GW.
Image:Tau.gif|In 40k, everyones' guns are huge.
Image:Tau Fire Warrior.jpg|A Tau Fire Warrior, the basic infantry unit.
Image:Tau Firepower Demotivator.jpg|The sad truth of 6th edition.
Image:combine.jpg|In /tg/, tau are the bad guys.
Image:Itsyourempiretoo.png|Propaganda. [[Nazi|Sound]] [[Communism|familiar?]]
Image:Never shall the tau!.JPG|Surrender... never shall the Tau.
Image:Tauassault.jpg|Tau are vicious melee fighters, no less able than [[Space Marines]]!
Image:1234622525817.jpg|In hindsight, attempting negotiations with Orks was probably a bad idea.
Image:Tau Problem, Astartes.jpg|What's that? We're not grimdark enough for you, Neckbeard?
Image:Tau Sympathizer.jpg|The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer's entry on Tau players.
Image:Discotau.jpg|For the Greater Groove!
Image:Manta.jpg|Fun fact: if you have enough money to buy this, you have too much money.
Image:Tau cosplay2.jpg|Typical Tau player, engaging in typical Tau behavior. (Pretty badass cosplay, even got the hoof right)
Image:Tau Battlesuit vs Smurf.jpg|This Char Custom Battlesuit-clad Tau demonstrates his mastery of [[Anime]]. Also DYNAMIC ENTRY!
Image:E6abddad6c5999a1dbe6085d8614f051.jpg|Tau in close quarters combat barring some very lucky dice rolls.
</gallery></center>
{{Promotions}}
<center><gallery>
Image:TauKroot.jpg
Image:MARKERLIGHTS.png|MARKERLIGHTS!
Image:tau_firecleavage.jpg|Sweet [[Weeaboo|weeaboo]] [[Heresy|heresy]].
Image:Commissar Shadowsuns Goods by morganagod.jpg|DAT ASS.
Image:DAT_SHAS.jpg| A Fire Warrior appreciating DAT ASS.
Image:Tau ass.gif|A Greater Good we can all believe in.
Image:NOT FUCKING CANON.png| [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|THIS IS NOT FUCKING CANON!]]
Image:JoinTau.jpg|Some recruitment methodologies work better than others.
Image:Tau Chick.jpg|Few rarely seen Tau chicks. Maybe because Sisters are hotter.
Image:youtastefunny.jpg|Yeah, we all know the truth about their "greater good".
Image:Subcommander torchstar by sexual yeti-d9qal0l.png|Subcommander Torchstar, Farsight's personal fangirl.
Image:Tau_caste_nudes.jpg|Earth, Fire, Water, Air...Ethereal?!? SWEET MOTHER OF KHORNE!!! MY EYES!!!
Image:Laughing tau whores.jpg|S-shut up you filthy sluts! Among my people it is considered quite a handsome dick!
Image:Power Shopping.jpg|It's a well-known fact that the Tau Empire has some of the best shopping in the entire galaxy.
Image:Taugirlpile.jpg|Here we see Tau propaganda meant to entice men with their terrible, blasphemous, and supple soft skin, smooth curves, perky brea...er...ah...heretical alien bodies.
Image:TauHuman.jpg|Indeed, many humans have already embraced the Greater Good. (The individual with the primitive flashlight has been sent to re-education. Happiness is mandatory, Citizen.)
Image:greatertits.jpg|An attractive human female defector who for some reason has been equipped with a highly modified commander's battlesuit, perhaps as a devious ploy to compel desertion by the less loyal.
</gallery></center>

==Navigation==
{{Tau}}
{{Tau-Characters}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
{{40k-Governments}}
{{Template:Important Species in 40k}}

[[Category: Xenos]]

Tzeentch

2020-12-10T23:46:10Z

2604:6000:B185:8A00:483C:C8D8:9F08:740B: /* Gallery */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[/pol/|International Jewry]], [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, Dr. Wizard, Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]]), The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, Ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavelli, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, Leadership, social media, any smartphone platform like apple, Supervillain Geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], Lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a High-Functioning Psychopath), Hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “[[A Song of Ice and Fire|Petyr Baelish]]” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''Pink Horrors''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''Blue Horrors''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell casted very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''Brimstone Horrors''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''Flamers''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''Screamers of Tzeentch''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''Burning Chariots of Tzeentch''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon Kairos Fateweaver, who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Tzeentch is backing Trump and Biden at the same time. But more Trump because he knows if he wins the 2020 presidential election, he will get to be the strongest chaos god and his magic staff will be restored to full power due to the chaos of the effects of Trumps dumbassery for another term as President. Khorne and Nurgle bets on Biden because Khorne is a a sucker for old fashioned souls with a fighting spirit and Nurgle just wants to claim him as a champion due to being really old. Khorne and Nurgle hope Biden wins as the great game will go on and their continued existence will be assured once more.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg|He could bite his head off at any moment.[[Just as planned.]]
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Slaanesh

2020-12-10T23:40:25Z

2604:6000:B185:8A00:483C:C8D8:9F08:740B: /* See Also */

[[File:Slaanesh_mark.png|center]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
{{Promotions}}
{{/d/}}
{{sick|The hermaphrodite god/goddess of rape who wants to eat everyone's souls and rape them forever.}}

[[Image:Slaanesh_by_baklaher-d7dvohn.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Slaanesh... tempting you to join a [[rape|party in which you will never forget...]] [[Rule 34|also now in even more NSFW!]]]]

'''''PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! - The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in'''''

{{Topquote|Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.|Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show}}

{{Topquote|To be loved, feelings must be rationed. To love, the doors of hysteria, fantasy, and madness may be flung open.|Anton LaVey}}

{{Topquote|An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom.|Charles Baudelaire}}

{{Topquote|Everything is good when it is excessive.|Donatien-Alphonse-François, AKA Marquis de Sade}}

{{Topquote|Blood does more than turn me on, it makes me cum. And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it. The taste of hot, freshly killed blood... Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth are my politics! Filth is my life! Take whatever you like.|Divine, Pink Flamingoes}}

{{Topquote|OO! KINKY!|Anyone who ever set eyes on a daemon of slaanesh}}

==Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition==
[[Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|thumb|500px|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated.] Wait, one whip is held in the hand and the other is held in the...]]
Behold '''Slaanesh''', also known as '''Shaarnor (to [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Elves and some humans]]), Shornaal (to [[Warriors of Chaos|humans and some Elves]]), The Dark Prince, the Lord of Excess, Leviathan, Lord of the Labyrinth, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, The Sweet Transvestite, The Lusty Argonian Maid, the Colossal Pervert''', '''the Ultimate Trap''', '''Never Went to Rehab''', '''Slut4Evar''', '''the one who ruins everything,''' '''the new thing,''' and multiple other names. Slaanesh is the [[Chaos God]] of [[/d/|perversion, Hentai]], [[Extra Heresy|shamelessness]], [[Furry|excess]], [[Rebecca Black|the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever]], sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting [[heresy]] of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and their [[daemonette]]s.

Slaanesh was 'born' (in this case semi literally, from aspects other chaos gods had.) at the fall of the [[Eldar]], when all their torture, [[rape]], S&M, bondage, decadence, eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the [[Eye of Terror]], killing the majority of their race. Thus, the final chaos god is known as the one that was literally murderfucked into existence. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he or she becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding Exodites, whose soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit and Harlequins, who are scooped up by the [[Cegorach|great clown]] himself, and the faithful of Ynnead). This is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into [[Exterminatus|exterminating]] each other just to save one of their own. The [[Dark Eldar]] take this up to eleven; because they do not use spirit stones nor are they protected like the Harlequins, Slaanesh is constantly sanding their souls down around the edges. In order to circumvent this they resort to huffing the souls of those in agony or of those who have recently died. However this isn't done ''just'' for survival; the Dark Eldar revel in sadism for its own sake too. In the end every Eldar in the galaxy, even the Drukhari and the Harlequins, are inextricably linked to Slaanesh in some way.

Of course, the descriptions above apply primarily to Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Slaanesh is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic about whipping heretics.It is for this reason ironically enough that she is hated by every single entity in the warp, Yes even Nurgle. More on that below.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While [[fluff]] claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure including lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, extreme sadism, perverse sexual deviance, and so on. These are just some of the pleasures Slaaneshi followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. As a practitioner falls ever deeper into the embrace of their dark god, they are consumed with a need to drive these sensations first to the limit of human experience, and then beyond into madness. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of insatiable concubines to fulfill your every desire? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain? Numerous examples of 40k lore have made it apparent that while those who fall to Slaanesh might start off with a desire to fulfill their rather run-of-the-mill baser instincts, it always spirals into insanity. For example, in the novel ''Shadowsword'', a young nobleman makes a deal with a devilish creature so that he can possess and sleep with his lady love, who is also his first cousin. By the time all is said and done, a grand party to welcome the forces of Chaos to their world turns into a charnel scene where the guests ''imagine'' themselves to be dancing and enjoying fine food and drink, but in reality they are tearing each other apart with their bare hands and engaging in cannibalism; others believe that they are embracing when their bodies and flesh are literally melding together. These are the types of scenes that truly resonate in the Warp, and thus grant Slaanesh power.

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh was the lord of all ''pleasure'' then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because, in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron acts in order to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). However, here is the most important thing worth emphasizing, just in case you haven't picked it up already: the point of Slaanesh is not to revel in ''any'' pain or pleasure. Rather, the point is to gain power from exposing mortals to the types of experiences that a sane person ''could not'' and ''would not'' ever be able to imagine in the first place. For all but the very strongest and most devout, this pollutes and twists their very souls to such an extent that they remain in thrall to Slaanesh forever. Such horizons of experience and sensation are far, far beyond the predictable inclinations and fetishes of your typical 4chan fa/tg/uy.

Even [[Khorne]], Slaanesh's primary rival, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in [[Just as Planned]]. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slaanesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the [[fluff]], it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Considering that it's damn hard for most humans to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before collapsing from exhaustion after a grueling 80-hour week working in some hive-world factory for the Emprah, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil bastard. (''It is worth noting that GW seems to have picked up somewhat on this fact. As of the latest daemon codex it does mention that Slaanesh has a particular way of influencing the other chaos gods and that they are all weary of them given that they draw some strength from the extreme behaviours they promote in their followers and are subject to themselves.'')

Slaanesh is also associated with the arts and creativity, as creativity means pursuing one's own personal desires. Self-indulgence and personal expression are the bedrock of the arts, after all. Those attracted to Slaanesh could theoretically be more than just aristocratic ravers, but also particularly eccentric artists, writers, etc. Slaanesh is Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll in the purest sense of the word. It is not just the depraved orgy after the concert, but the scintillatingly brilliant concert that caused the orgy to begin with. One could assume that, in order to prevent Slaanesh's influence from spreading, the Imperium of Man would censor not just content but style. A radically structured poem, a painting with hints of debased content, even a deviation from traditional chord structures would presumably bring the Inquisition to your doorstep.

If Slaanesh had a voice actor, it would be [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc80tFJpTuo Tim Curry] and/or Tilda Swinton.

==What? Warhammer?==
[[File:Slaanesh Old.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The first depiction of Slaanesh in Warhammer art.]]
In the new [[Age of Sigmar]] setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the [[Horned Rat]]. Derp. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIMg2Xw4_8s While it was thought Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul], this is revealed to be mostly true. [[Games Workshop|due to reasons discussed on GW's page here]].
[[File:AoSBeholdSlaanesh.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Slaanesh imprisoned: Unable to decide which dildo to use first, Slaanesh is effectively neutralized! Ingenious! (Also, to answer the question you never asked, Slaanesh is not circumcised. Seriously, take a close look at where those chains pierce)]]

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. With Slaanesh missing, his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh (the refer to themselves as Seekers), those who are trying to claim their former master's position (they are referred to as Pretenders and consists of every Chaos Lord and Keeper of Secrets that wants to claim their former masters position as the new god of depravity) and those who have continued to be allied to Archaon in his wars against the Mortal Realms (who are referred to as Invaders). This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order; it is mostly being led by Slaanesh's greater daemons who lead Slaanesh's demonic and mortal followers but some have actually looked to venerating Archaon as their replacement deity.

With the release of the Daughter of Khaine battletome it's revealed that Slaanesh has been trapped in the void space between Ulgu (Realm of Shadows) and Hysh (Realm of Light) by the collective work of [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]], now gods of the Hysh, [[Malekith|Malerion]], god of Shadow, and [[Morathi]]. There the elf gods are slowly taking back the elf souls the Chaos god had devoured after the End Times, reforging them to their liking, while Slaanesh is trapped in a position that will make it impossible for him to escape. That is, unless Morathi cast a spell to get more souls than it was initially planned for her to receive, a spell that would weaken the chains that are keeping Slaanesh trapped, which of course she did. Now Slaanesh is ever so slowly getting further from Hysh and closer to Ulgu, which enabled Slaanesh's followers to learn where he was. The only things standing in their way are the fact that they can't reach Slaanesh's prison, the aelf gods and their forces. Even then, Slaanesh might eventually be able to free itself.

With the announcement of Realm of Chaos: Wrath and Rapture, it appears GW is ready to bring Slaanesh back to the 40k and AoS universes, along with a (daemonic) host of new models. And this did come to pass... Though it isn't as grand as many would have hoped. It has been revealed that the 66 chains holding Slaanesh (real subtle, GW) can be broken by certain depraved or powerful acts, ie, an excess of anger from Khorne, or a Stormhost turning on the people they protect (which did happen and was engineered by Slaanesh taking a leaf from Tzeentch's book). Having broken a handful of the chains Slaanesh cast illusions to prevent the elves from discovering this, and if the majority of chains get shattered Slaanesh will be strong enough to break the rest. If Slaanesh ever did escape, he would immediately try and engulf all of Ulgu and Hysh, securing two whole realms and thereby winning the great game though Khorne would object violently, as would Archaon. However, Archaon still needed Slaanesh and was actively tracking down the trapped god. Archaon eventually succeeded at finding Slaanesh and started working to free him, though Slaanesh's sass vexed Archaon. It would've worked eventually, but Archaon had a vision of the Nighthaunt and Bonereapers taking the Shyish realmgate and attacking the Varanspire. Though Archaon was pissed, since he knew the elf gods would move Slaanesh's prison and tighten security after this, he abandoned Slaanesh and went back to the Allpoints.

But now Slaanesh is a mommy/daddy! During Morathi's ritual for godhood, Slaanesh's spasms caused a stream of saliva that interacted with Morathi's ritual and gained sentience. The entity burst from Slaanesh's prison, and flew through the skies across Ulgu, mutating everything with its presence before crashing to the ground. The Godseekers followed it to the point of impact, and over time thousands of Hedonites gathered. There the entity, known only as The Newborn, took on a form so beautiful and terrible that many who looked upon it died and it spoke to Hedonites, and they may have found a new path to worship Slaanesh.

== Followers ==
[[File:Slaanesh Banners.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Slaaneshi banners.]]
Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become [[Chris-Chan|colossal perverts]]; alternatively, she may attract followers from those who are already [[Ultramarines|colossal perverts]], and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. [[Just as planned]].

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and gives them everything they could ever want because she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of his hatred for it. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the ''best'', gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, [[/v/|that perfect 360 noscope,]] to [[powergamer|hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be]], or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi...even if they don’t want to be. If the thrill lies in just killing people-- the pure joy of murder-- and the skill is just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing or even pain, like the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. [[Troll|They also get off on the reactions they get from others]]-- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men. These are things that Khorne can’t stand, because Khorne has standards. Slaanesh takes those standards, throws them out the window, follows them out the window and murderfucks them with its arms pumping wildly.

When it come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here the difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, usually through charismatic speeches and the like, while Tzeenchians often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in the process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions. Tzeentch followers are quite notable for being dicks, not evil monsters (...usually, also barring daemons). Other than being egotistical trolls they're pretty normal people. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more [[Heresy|literal]] in Slaanesh's case. However Tzeentch has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming, Slaanesh still wins, so Tzeentch hates them too.

Apart from [[AIDS|the obvious]], Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction. There was the matter of the [[Isha|qt Eldar waifu]] Slaanesh wanted to keep for [[/d/|some]] [[rape|after-party]] [[FATAL|entertainment]], but since Nurgle is a fa/tg/uy at heart he couldn't resist claiming her for himself. <s>But they're mostly over that</s> Slaanesh is over it, Nurgle is not. Otherwise, their domains are just too different that they don't overlap all that much. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration. That being said Nurgle is still not fond of them-- mainly due to the aforementioned Eldar waifu.

[[File:Slaaneshi Forces.JPG|thumb|right|500px|Slaaneshi forces in their realm.]]

Slaanesh units are:
* '''[[Daemonettes]]''', hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use [[Raging Heroes|proxies]] randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as she contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
* '''[[Seekers of Slaanesh]]''', Daemonettes mounted upon [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor [[dinosaur]]; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
* '''[[Fiends of Slaanesh]]''', large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
* '''[[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky [[tarpit]] removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least [[Distraction Carnifex|target mitigation]] to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded [[Tau|fire warriors]] or some [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Spearmen]] can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
* '''[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally [[/d/|dripping]] with excitement at being in battle.
* '''[[Keepers Of Secrets]]''', Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, each is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless lead by a...
* '''[[Daemon Prince]]''', a human (with [[Dechala|one Elf]] as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in her service.

=== 40k ===
* '''[[Chaos Space Marines]]''', the traitor marines of the [[Emperor's Children|third legion]] worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
** '''[[Noise Marines]]''', the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's [[Berserkers]], Nurgle's [[Plague Marines]] or Tzeentch's [[Thousand Sons]]. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using [[Sonic Weaponry]] because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berghain Can be found IRL also.]

=== Fantasy ===
* '''[[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Druchii]]''': The Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Cult Of Pleasure]]. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen [[Morathi]] being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her [[Malekith|son]] and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of [[Khaine]], Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept [[Harpies|her own]] as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of [[Atharti]], [[Hekarti]], and [[Ereth Khial]], three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave who's skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.
* '''[[Warriors of Chaos]]''': Not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the [[Warp Gates]] they are, the more like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
* '''[[Beastmen]]''': Rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
*'''Hellstriders''': Warriors of Chaos mounted upon Seeker mounts. Unlike most Chaos Gods, who give daemonic mounts as rewards for their best followers, Slaanesh (or Keepers of Secrets in Age of Sigmar given Slaanesh's imprisonment) gives out Seekers to the weak-willed and lazy looking for a quick path to power. Those who fall for this trap find that although they gain power, they also gain a crippling addiction to the souls of their enemies that quickly results in them losing all pleasure outside of killing. If a Hellstrider is unable to kill, they will quite literally die from withdrawal.

=== [[Age of Sigmar]] ===
* '''Lord of Pain''': BDSM-freak Chaos Lords who are obsessed with giving and receiving pain. Not only does their high pain tolerance make them almost Nurgle-level tough, but they can even reflect their pain back to their enemies.
* '''Shardspeaker of Slaanesh''': Slaaneshi sorcerers who use their magical mirrors to force their enemies to submit to their most shameful hidden desires.
* '''Myrmidesh Painbringers''': The warrior elite of the Hedonites. Myrmidesh Painbringers are unusually chosen for their ability to withstand temptation, denying all carnal pleasures for a single minded focus on perfecting combat and ensuring their enemies die in the most beautiful and painful ways possible.
* '''Symbaresh Twinsouls''': Trying to be a disciplined aescetic warrior while being surrounded by perverted freaks is hard. So it isn't suprising that some Myrmidesh find themselves unable to keep up their eternal No-Nut November and fall off the deep end, allowing their souls to be possessed by daemons. Expectedly, this fusing of daemon and mortal blood makes the Twinsouls a favored unit of [[Syll'Esske]].
* '''Blissbarb Archers''': The dregs of Hedonite warbands excluded from the rush of melee combat. They coat their arrows in the eponymous Blissbarb poison that’s one part aphrodisiac and another part paralyzing agent.
* '''Blissbarb Seekers''': When the aforementioned Archer gets their first taste of steel cutting their skin (and lives), they’re likely to become addicted to this feeling and seek to claim a Seeker as their mount in order to chase after this exquisite sensation.
* '''Slickblade Seekers''': Elite Hellstriders with a nasty jealous streak against anyone who dares to steal the killing blow from them.
* '''[[Slaangor]] Fiendbloods''': Slaangors are back baby! The shock troopers of the Hedonite hosts, they are venerated by other Slaaneshi followers as physical avatars of the Dark Prince.

==Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k==
With the release of "Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider" we now have daemons of Slaanesh making an appearance during the [[War in Heaven]]? Now this could be just a case of timey wimey Warp shenanigans but it could also be an indication of something else! What if Slaanesh's "birth" was actually more akin to a rebirth of something far older; the original sin if you were.

It is known that even before the Fall agents of Slaanesh were already at large in the galaxy and actively seeking to bring it into being. If Slaanesh did indeed have a presence all the way back in the War in Heaven then perhaps it has always been there, seeking a way to return, as opposed to beginning to gestate within the Empyrean during the conflict itself.

Slaanesh isn't all about sex, [[Drug|drugs]] and more sex, but actually fits all of the seven deadly sins rather well: [[/d/|Lust]], [[RAGE|Wrath]], [[Blood Ravens|Greed]], [[Perturabo|Envy]], [[Giles|Gluttony]], [[Lazy Marines|Sloth]] and [[Cato Sicarius|Pride]] all fall under Slaanesh's domain; each of which play key roles in the other God's spheres of influence also. Of course these are taken to their extremes, as is Slaanesh's trade mark, but even the other Chaos Gods are extremes in their own way, and though they are all placed above the Dark Prince in terms of power they all may "fear" the influence that Slaanesh has the potential to hold over them and are very wary that the Dark Prince may eventually eclipse them all in power.

The War in Heaven is essentially the event(s) that created "Hell" in 40k as many races with a presence in the warp fought and died in the conflict, so it makes sense that there must have been an "original Satan"-like figure as well. Of course, this could be looking too much into this and talking out of our collective arse, but what with Slaanesh in [[Age of Sigmar]] no longer being counted amongst the Four, it opens up a lot of possibilities for when the Dark Prince does eventually return.

==The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh==

(AKA [[Kaldor Draigo]] becomes a sleeper agent. Probably. Other things are possible, but this would slap down the Mary Sue, so really, why argue?)

While the other Chaos Gods rarely welcome intruders to their lands within the immaterium, Slaanesh loves to tempt visitors to his unnatural domain, and those that dare enter the Lord of Pleasure's territory risk becoming trapped in its warped delights for eternity.

Slaanesh's realm is divided into six domains, arranged in concentric rings about the Palace of Pleasure. Each of these is a celebration of Slaanesh's desires, and while they might be mistaken for paradises, nothing in the lands of the Dark Prince is as it seems. An intruder can only reach the Palace of Pleasure, in the very heart of Slaanesh's territory, by passing through all six of the circles-- an act of will beyond most souls, both mortal and demonic. One amongst the mortal visitors to his realm still looms large in the memory of Slaanesh, however-- a wandering knight of the Adeptus Astartes whose resolve was as strong as silvered adamantium.

The first circle the knight pushed through was richly appointed beyond the dreams of kings. Mountains of stacked gold reached towards rainbow mosaics of gemstones in the marble vaults high above; glittering ingots and diamonds beyond count littered the ground. The knight marched past many a starving wretch attempting to count the innumerable gold coins, their sallow faces twisted with mounting greed until their piles toppled, and, weeping, they had to start over again. At every corner of the crossroads stood gilded statues, some of beautiful Slaanesh, others of Daemons and mortals trapped in blissful ecstasy. The trails in the diamond dust underfoot betrayed the fact that the statues were once flesh and blood. The knight had left notions of material wealth long behind, and he strode on without touching a single coin.

Crunching his way across a beach of golden teeth, the knight came to the shores of a vast lake of dark wine. The lake was dotted with pallid islands formed from the backs of giants, each linked by criss-crossing bridges. The backward hands of each giant held up a table that groaned under the weight of a lavish feast. There, he saw mortal men gorging themselves on the banquet, wide-eyed and desperate in their hunger as others frantically tried to gulp down the lake itself. The bloated and the obese moaned in pain as they crammed ever more food into their wine-stained mouths. The knight pressed on, distaste twisting his features as he passed the grisly remains of those who had consumed so much that they had physically burst apart.

The wanderer made his way through fields of golden light and soft hay, where lissome maidens and beautiful youths frolicked near-naked in the hallucinogenic musk of the lithe beasts that cavorted with them. The faces and fertile forms of the dancers were impossibly sensual, moulded to the perfect desire of the heart. The knight held his breath and closed his eyes, for though mortal pleasures were forbidden to his order, part of him was still a man. The crooning nymphs gathered around the knight, stroking his silvered armour and whispering of the sweet carnal pleasures they would give him, but he yielded not. The severed limbs and heads that lay underfoot spoke of the truth behind the honeyed lies. Eyes shut, he cut down the daemonette seductresses around him one after another, letting revulsion guide his shining blade.

After fighting his way through the feminine contours of the foothills ahead, the knight emerged onto a balcony where he was greeted by roars of adulation and approval. An army of Space Marines so vast its number was beyond counting awaited before him on an endless plain, listening in fevered anticipation of his commands for conquest. Planetary governors nodded in obsequious anticipation, and the High Lords of Terra smiled up at him from smaller balconies of their own, motioning him to speak. The knight recognised one of the rulers from his own mortal life, and stood before him, looking deep into the Philosopher-King's eyes. Behind the mask of power and self-assurance, he saw eternal, nagging paranoia, gnawing suspicion and hidden doubts that were acid to the soul. The knight shook his head sadly and walked away.

Wearied by his ordeals, the wanderer strode on through a mesmerising woodland paradise, its maze of pathways thick with flowers and heavy with thorns. The gentle, fragrant breeze whispered to the knight of past glories, reminding him of the executions he had performed in the Emperor's name. Mirrored pools reflected the knight as a shining saint, his face serene but his sword bloodied as he artfully carved apart rank after rank of red-skinned Daemons. The warrior turned away, troubled. In the distance, he could make out tortured figures staring intently into mirror pools of their own, each held immobile by the undergrowth as whispering thorns insinuated themselves into their flesh. The wanderer turned his mind to the humility of the cell he once called home. As he did so, the path through the maze writhed and straightened out before him. So the knight trudged on.

An endless beach stretched away from the knight, and heavenly choirs sung soothing lullabies as the perfumed sea lapped at the fortress walls of his mind. The wanderer's bones cried out for rest, even if only for a moment. The warmth of the golden sun above calmed his soul, and the tide began to erode his will. His tired eyes could barely stay open, but his vision was still clear enough to see the horrible truth: the bone-white sand was made from the remains of those who had rested here and fallen into a coma of blissful indolence. His resolve hardened, the knight strode on toward the shimmering palace in the distance.

It was there, beneath the elegant spires, that the wanderer came before almighty Slaanesh. Statuesque and divinely glamorous, the deity visited him in the form of a young man possessed of an androgynous beauty, clean-limbed and fresh with the vigour of youth. The knight unsheathed his rune-etched sword and made to strike him down. To his horror, he found that he could not, for the god-prince was disarming in his innocence and utterly beguiling in his manner.

Even the purest flame can be extinguished by the tide. In that single moment of doubt, the wanderer was lost. He knelt, bowing his head at last, and a single touch of the being's glowing sceptre on each shoulder sealed his fate for eternity.

== Facts ==
[[File:Nope.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?]]
* [[Ynnead]] is secretly Slaanesh
*[[Sanguinius]] is jealous of Slaanesh because they are the only one more fabulous than hi-{{BLAM}}
* Slaanesh wants to fuck the Emperor, but every time they try, the Big E psychically bitch-slaps them, destroys all their sex toys and sex slaves and breaks their hands so they can't fap for a while.
* Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
** Slaanesh is dyslexic.
***Slaanesh also knows that you can't spell dyslexic without sex
* The title of Slaanesh's greatest mortal champion is owned by Shädman''(ayyyyy)''
* Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how their only representation in the DoW series was the [[Emperor's Children]] paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, they did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones. (And their colours aren't even correct.)
**However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still <s>pissed off of not getting enough representation</s> OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while they only get a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
* Charlie Sheen is their first true Daemon Prince (though he was recently diagnosed with HIV which resulted from his sexcapades, so looks like he could swing towards [[Nurgle]]. But just like [[Fulgrim]] his body probably needs to be destroyed first before he can ascend). It was nearly Malcolm Mcdowell, on account of Mcdowell's filmography including two of Slaanesh's favorite films (see below) and Mcdowell's hedonistic younger years; before Charlie had even reached puberty, Mcdowell was already far into sex and drugs both in his films and real-life. But as he got older, Mcdowell turned away from hedonism and cleaned himself up. Other contenders include Gene Simmons and Tila Tequila.
* Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
* If it exists, [[PROMOTIONS|Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it]].
* Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne to get his daily dose of lulz. Slaanesh always loses these fights pretty badly; and each time, Slaanesh takes it pretty hard. [[C.S.Goto|And this pleases them.]]
* Slaanesh is secretly depressed that have no friends. Khorne is a dick, and Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is. Nurgle is nice, but Slaanesh can't get over the fact that he cucked them. ("Can't get over it" in both a [[PROMOTIONS|positive]] and [[RAGE|negative]] sense.)
** Also, Nurgle has ''all'' the STDs, which would make him Slaanesh's natural enemy out in the wild. Isha's immunity to all diseases is better than any protection, which is a pretty substantial reason why Slaanesh liked her.
* Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where they being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods.
* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string them along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
* Khorne [[Rip and Tear|regularly tears off Slaanesh's arms]] and beats them over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
* Slaanesh was doping when they killed the Eldar Gods, they couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs. (at least that what Khaine, a god of war and destruction, keeps insisting when ever someone asks him why he got both figuratively and possibly literally raped by a god(ess) of sex drugs and rock'n'roll)
** Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
* Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, they got their left boob cut off for their trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six). Given the new backstory and their time of birth, this means that Slaanesh lost against a Necron Pokémon.
* Slaanesh is a great patron of the arts. Their favourite films include:
** Hellraiser: Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, they took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... <strike>That is, of course, a lie. They actually ripped off Hellraiser.</strike> Hellraiser ripped them off. Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
** A Serbian Film: Slaanesh's second favorite movie. They already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
** Pink Flamingos: Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's journal. Slaanesh especially enjoyed the depictions of their hobbies (including bestiality, scat fetishes and vore), that the movie quotes them directly (see Divine's quote above).
** A Clockwork Orange: One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. (Although Slaanesh faps/shlicks to commentaries on morality too.) They like to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. They also find the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. '''BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!!''' Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!].
** The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
** Legend: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3J91bPrW9A Also because of Tim Curry, who practically plays a daemon prince of Slaanesh].
** Caligula: The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm Mcdowell as the title character. Slaanesh's favorite scenes are when Caligula engages in an incestuous threesome with his sister and his fiance, and the giant orgies on stage (don't watch the latter if you have a weak stomach - there's a real snake in one scene and [[FATAL|you don't want to know what the woman does with it]]).
** Eyes Wide Shut. Slaanesh has heard the film described as "Just Artsy Porn", but doesn't get the criticism. It's Art and it's Porn. What's not to love?
** Event Horizon: A documentary of how he/she/it is directly responsible for fucking up humanity's first venture into the Warp.
** High Rise: Some say it holds the essence of the one time Slaaneshi and Khaine got jiggy with it.
** Salo or 120 days of Sodom: Slaanesh liked it better when they thought it was real and not just special effects.
** The Stuff: A movie about the time some railroad workers found lakes of Slaanesh's jizz at a quarry and marketed it as dessert food due to its properties, leading to numerous shenanigans and giving Slaanesh much lulz that they never learned where it came from.
* Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
* Slaanesh's favorite band is GWAR, because everything with them is sex, drugs, and rock and roll in excess, even covering their audience in jizz, blood, random chemicals, and mixtures of all three, and inciting massive blood orgies constantly.
* Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams is also suspected to be one of the early influences of Slaanesh in human music culture, the singer suspected to be one of his/her/its avatars.
* Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, as well as all the dick, cloca, ovipositor, stamen, pistil, and pilus.
* Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
* Slaanesh found Captain Flashheart so magnificent in Blackadder that they created a daemon prince in his image. Woof woof!
* Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really [[cheese|cheesy]] ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
*Slaanesh is the only entity in existence who listens to the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast purely for erotic purposes. He/she/it cannot understand for the life of him/her/it why no one else finds cervix-grabbing sexy.
** Still, ]they fap/shlick/???-PROFIT at this.
*Mentioning the names of Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn gives Slaanesh a massive boner/lady-boner. Though Slaanesh didn't have a hand in inventing the internet, three guesses why Slaanesh loves the internet, and the first two don't count. Mentioning Hugh Hefner also has a similar effect.
* As a patron of the arts, Slaanesh has many favorite authors, so can't pick one. Having said that, Marquis de Sade is a strong contender.
* Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
** Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
**Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
** Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
**Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
*Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience.
*Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking. '''{{Blam|DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!}}'''
**Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.]]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|If you masturbate with barbed wire, a daemon of slaanesh will be summoned, and you will be exterminatus-ed]]
* Slaanesh secretly wants Khorne. S/he's upset that the 'Special K' hates her/him/it.
**However, if Slaanesh ever did create a copy of him/her/their/itself, then the two would immediately try to murderfuck each other, in a kinky simulacrum of Highlander. This would apply to all of the main ruinous powers, <s>apart from</s> including Nurgle, <s>who would simply hug his</s> whose female double <s>and then get to work with said double on a particularly virulent strain of super aids/crotch rot.</s> would get jealous of Isha and conspire with Slaanesh to get rid of that home-wrecking skank.
*Slaanesh is the patron <s>god</s> <s>goddess</s> deity of bonobos (look them up).
*Slaanesh's ''only'' criticism of the Cats movie is that there are no visible genitals.
* Slaanesh #fuckedPalpatine.

== Gallery ==
{{heresy}}
{{promotions}}
{{/d/}}
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-slanesh.jpg
Image:Slaaneshfaggot.jpeg|A real-life worshipper of Slaanesh.
Image:Slaaneshi.JPG|Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|That's a real [[commissar]], just look at the [[hat]].
Image:Daemonette02.JPG|DDaemonette
Image:Daemonette01.JPG|It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

Image:Daemonette.JPG
Image:Slaaneshi2.JPG|Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Image:Daemonxmas copy.jpg|Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Image:Lurvemudkipz.JPG|Evidence that it is possible that some [[pokémon]] are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

Image:Slaaneshi mudkips.JPG|Oh god. ;_;
Image:Slaanesh trainer.jpg|There is no excuse or explanation for this.
Image:Slaaneshijack copy.jpg|This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Image:Irresistible.jpg|Simply Irresistible

Image:Dranon5.jpg|Mr Culexus' interpretation of Slaanesh. Notice the massive bulge in the crotch that's bigger than it's boobs.
Image:Not_too_abysmal_by_Mr_Culexus.jpg|Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
Image:1271157389405.jpg|What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Image:daemonette_minerva.png|Who else did you think furries worshiped?

Image:Slaanesh_LAWL.jpg|LAWL
Image:Trapmarine.jpg|Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
Image:Trapmarine_BW.jpg|... which may not be so "little".
Image:Daemonette_with_seeker_mount.jpg|She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me. Although for your sake you really should take my word for it.

Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|The more common and usual fate of Eldar.
Image:Slaanesh cosplay 1 by zk87-d2zo47q.jpg|Now 262.71% more real!
Image:Slaanesh Time.jpg|You might be mixing up love and lust.
Image:Slaanesh_miniature_closeup.jpg|Gimme some sugar

Image:Slaanesh+hr giger.jpg|H. R. Geiger is pleased
Image:Slaanesh by zk87-d2z4bpv.jpg|Lashes of Torment!
Image:Slaanesh-153102-SweetAngel.jpg|She Who Thirsts indeed
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated]

Image:Dark_Prince_of_Pleasure_Slaanesh_wfrp.jpg|From the old [[WFRP]] days
Image:MoeSlaanesh.png|How can anyone not want to serve something so utterly <s>adorable</s> heretical?
Image:1419021850273.jpg|Yes, that is a Santa outfit.
Image:Anons_fall_to_Chaos.png|Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
Image:Champion of Slaanesh RL.png| We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
Image:HereticalUseOfChainswords.gif| When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
Image:Cultist-chan24.jpg|Slaanesh has improved cultist chan
Image:Wildslaanesh.png|Slaanesh Demon corrupts children
Image:Slaanesh-sorcerer.jpeg|Slaanesh makes the Cenobites from Hellraiser look good.
</gallery>

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

==See Also==
*[[Azazel]] - The oldest existing [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[Dechala]] - The oldest existing Chaos Champion special character of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[The Masque]] - Slaanesh's former fav fab Daemonette stripper, and current PR rep.
*[[Sigvald]], Slaanesh's favorite not-Caligula/not-Joffrey.
*The [[Emperor's Children]] legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
*[[Fulgrim]] - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks ever.
*[[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bile]] - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played by geriatric [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane_%28wrestler%29 Glenn Jacobs] instead of young Tim Curry.
*[[Lucius]] - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
*[[Doomrider]] - He does COCAINE!
*[[Miriael Sabathiel]] - The most infamous [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] to fall to Slaanesh. Commonly mistaken as the ''only'' Chaos Sister of Battle by people who haven't read [[Ephrael Stern|Daemonifuge]]. Last seen hunting Eldar to give them [[Rape|hugs]].
*[[Codex - Fallen Sororitas]] - An entire homebrew army of Slaaneshi Sisters of Battle.
*[[Daemonette]] - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
*[[Reasonable Daemonette]] - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
*[[Loli D]] - The [[loli]] variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is [[Extra Heresy|extra heretical]]. E-Commissars can and will [[Exterminatus|blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice]] if you click on this link.
*[http://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Slaanesh's_sacrifice.pdf Slaanesh's Sacrifice] - Some Slaaneshi writefaggotry for the more heretical among you.
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRPIsrxUc_E Rick and Morty's visit to the Realm of Slaanesh]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-gHgcmFB6Q Slaanesh's visit to the Realm of Rick and Morty]
*[https://pastebin.com/5QZMB7nH Excessively Vanilla] - AKA the '''one''' time Slaanesh goes full-on vanilla, including actual marriage, handholding, and under the cover missionary sex for the sole purpose of procreation
{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category:Hedonites of Slaanesh]]

Slaanesh

2020-12-10T23:38:40Z

2604:6000:B185:8A00:483C:C8D8:9F08:740B: /* See Also */

[[File:Slaanesh_mark.png|center]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
{{Promotions}}
{{/d/}}
{{sick|The hermaphrodite god/goddess of rape who wants to eat everyone's souls and rape them forever.}}

[[Image:Slaanesh_by_baklaher-d7dvohn.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Slaanesh... tempting you to join a [[rape|party in which you will never forget...]] [[Rule 34|also now in even more NSFW!]]]]

'''''PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! - The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in'''''

{{Topquote|Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.|Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show}}

{{Topquote|To be loved, feelings must be rationed. To love, the doors of hysteria, fantasy, and madness may be flung open.|Anton LaVey}}

{{Topquote|An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom.|Charles Baudelaire}}

{{Topquote|Everything is good when it is excessive.|Donatien-Alphonse-François, AKA Marquis de Sade}}

{{Topquote|Blood does more than turn me on, it makes me cum. And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it. The taste of hot, freshly killed blood... Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth are my politics! Filth is my life! Take whatever you like.|Divine, Pink Flamingoes}}

{{Topquote|OO! KINKY!|Anyone who ever set eyes on a daemon of slaanesh}}

==Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition==
[[Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|thumb|500px|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated.] Wait, one whip is held in the hand and the other is held in the...]]
Behold '''Slaanesh''', also known as '''Shaarnor (to [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Elves and some humans]]), Shornaal (to [[Warriors of Chaos|humans and some Elves]]), The Dark Prince, the Lord of Excess, Leviathan, Lord of the Labyrinth, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, The Sweet Transvestite, The Lusty Argonian Maid, the Colossal Pervert''', '''the Ultimate Trap''', '''Never Went to Rehab''', '''Slut4Evar''', '''the one who ruins everything,''' '''the new thing,''' and multiple other names. Slaanesh is the [[Chaos God]] of [[/d/|perversion, Hentai]], [[Extra Heresy|shamelessness]], [[Furry|excess]], [[Rebecca Black|the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever]], sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting [[heresy]] of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and their [[daemonette]]s.

Slaanesh was 'born' (in this case semi literally, from aspects other chaos gods had.) at the fall of the [[Eldar]], when all their torture, [[rape]], S&M, bondage, decadence, eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the [[Eye of Terror]], killing the majority of their race. Thus, the final chaos god is known as the one that was literally murderfucked into existence. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he or she becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding Exodites, whose soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit and Harlequins, who are scooped up by the [[Cegorach|great clown]] himself, and the faithful of Ynnead). This is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into [[Exterminatus|exterminating]] each other just to save one of their own. The [[Dark Eldar]] take this up to eleven; because they do not use spirit stones nor are they protected like the Harlequins, Slaanesh is constantly sanding their souls down around the edges. In order to circumvent this they resort to huffing the souls of those in agony or of those who have recently died. However this isn't done ''just'' for survival; the Dark Eldar revel in sadism for its own sake too. In the end every Eldar in the galaxy, even the Drukhari and the Harlequins, are inextricably linked to Slaanesh in some way.

Of course, the descriptions above apply primarily to Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Slaanesh is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic about whipping heretics.It is for this reason ironically enough that she is hated by every single entity in the warp, Yes even Nurgle. More on that below.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While [[fluff]] claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure including lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, extreme sadism, perverse sexual deviance, and so on. These are just some of the pleasures Slaaneshi followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. As a practitioner falls ever deeper into the embrace of their dark god, they are consumed with a need to drive these sensations first to the limit of human experience, and then beyond into madness. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of insatiable concubines to fulfill your every desire? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain? Numerous examples of 40k lore have made it apparent that while those who fall to Slaanesh might start off with a desire to fulfill their rather run-of-the-mill baser instincts, it always spirals into insanity. For example, in the novel ''Shadowsword'', a young nobleman makes a deal with a devilish creature so that he can possess and sleep with his lady love, who is also his first cousin. By the time all is said and done, a grand party to welcome the forces of Chaos to their world turns into a charnel scene where the guests ''imagine'' themselves to be dancing and enjoying fine food and drink, but in reality they are tearing each other apart with their bare hands and engaging in cannibalism; others believe that they are embracing when their bodies and flesh are literally melding together. These are the types of scenes that truly resonate in the Warp, and thus grant Slaanesh power.

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh was the lord of all ''pleasure'' then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because, in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron acts in order to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). However, here is the most important thing worth emphasizing, just in case you haven't picked it up already: the point of Slaanesh is not to revel in ''any'' pain or pleasure. Rather, the point is to gain power from exposing mortals to the types of experiences that a sane person ''could not'' and ''would not'' ever be able to imagine in the first place. For all but the very strongest and most devout, this pollutes and twists their very souls to such an extent that they remain in thrall to Slaanesh forever. Such horizons of experience and sensation are far, far beyond the predictable inclinations and fetishes of your typical 4chan fa/tg/uy.

Even [[Khorne]], Slaanesh's primary rival, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in [[Just as Planned]]. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slaanesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the [[fluff]], it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Considering that it's damn hard for most humans to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before collapsing from exhaustion after a grueling 80-hour week working in some hive-world factory for the Emprah, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil bastard. (''It is worth noting that GW seems to have picked up somewhat on this fact. As of the latest daemon codex it does mention that Slaanesh has a particular way of influencing the other chaos gods and that they are all weary of them given that they draw some strength from the extreme behaviours they promote in their followers and are subject to themselves.'')

Slaanesh is also associated with the arts and creativity, as creativity means pursuing one's own personal desires. Self-indulgence and personal expression are the bedrock of the arts, after all. Those attracted to Slaanesh could theoretically be more than just aristocratic ravers, but also particularly eccentric artists, writers, etc. Slaanesh is Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll in the purest sense of the word. It is not just the depraved orgy after the concert, but the scintillatingly brilliant concert that caused the orgy to begin with. One could assume that, in order to prevent Slaanesh's influence from spreading, the Imperium of Man would censor not just content but style. A radically structured poem, a painting with hints of debased content, even a deviation from traditional chord structures would presumably bring the Inquisition to your doorstep.

If Slaanesh had a voice actor, it would be [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc80tFJpTuo Tim Curry] and/or Tilda Swinton.

==What? Warhammer?==
[[File:Slaanesh Old.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The first depiction of Slaanesh in Warhammer art.]]
In the new [[Age of Sigmar]] setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the [[Horned Rat]]. Derp. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIMg2Xw4_8s While it was thought Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul], this is revealed to be mostly true. [[Games Workshop|due to reasons discussed on GW's page here]].
[[File:AoSBeholdSlaanesh.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Slaanesh imprisoned: Unable to decide which dildo to use first, Slaanesh is effectively neutralized! Ingenious! (Also, to answer the question you never asked, Slaanesh is not circumcised. Seriously, take a close look at where those chains pierce)]]

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. With Slaanesh missing, his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh (the refer to themselves as Seekers), those who are trying to claim their former master's position (they are referred to as Pretenders and consists of every Chaos Lord and Keeper of Secrets that wants to claim their former masters position as the new god of depravity) and those who have continued to be allied to Archaon in his wars against the Mortal Realms (who are referred to as Invaders). This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order; it is mostly being led by Slaanesh's greater daemons who lead Slaanesh's demonic and mortal followers but some have actually looked to venerating Archaon as their replacement deity.

With the release of the Daughter of Khaine battletome it's revealed that Slaanesh has been trapped in the void space between Ulgu (Realm of Shadows) and Hysh (Realm of Light) by the collective work of [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]], now gods of the Hysh, [[Malekith|Malerion]], god of Shadow, and [[Morathi]]. There the elf gods are slowly taking back the elf souls the Chaos god had devoured after the End Times, reforging them to their liking, while Slaanesh is trapped in a position that will make it impossible for him to escape. That is, unless Morathi cast a spell to get more souls than it was initially planned for her to receive, a spell that would weaken the chains that are keeping Slaanesh trapped, which of course she did. Now Slaanesh is ever so slowly getting further from Hysh and closer to Ulgu, which enabled Slaanesh's followers to learn where he was. The only things standing in their way are the fact that they can't reach Slaanesh's prison, the aelf gods and their forces. Even then, Slaanesh might eventually be able to free itself.

With the announcement of Realm of Chaos: Wrath and Rapture, it appears GW is ready to bring Slaanesh back to the 40k and AoS universes, along with a (daemonic) host of new models. And this did come to pass... Though it isn't as grand as many would have hoped. It has been revealed that the 66 chains holding Slaanesh (real subtle, GW) can be broken by certain depraved or powerful acts, ie, an excess of anger from Khorne, or a Stormhost turning on the people they protect (which did happen and was engineered by Slaanesh taking a leaf from Tzeentch's book). Having broken a handful of the chains Slaanesh cast illusions to prevent the elves from discovering this, and if the majority of chains get shattered Slaanesh will be strong enough to break the rest. If Slaanesh ever did escape, he would immediately try and engulf all of Ulgu and Hysh, securing two whole realms and thereby winning the great game though Khorne would object violently, as would Archaon. However, Archaon still needed Slaanesh and was actively tracking down the trapped god. Archaon eventually succeeded at finding Slaanesh and started working to free him, though Slaanesh's sass vexed Archaon. It would've worked eventually, but Archaon had a vision of the Nighthaunt and Bonereapers taking the Shyish realmgate and attacking the Varanspire. Though Archaon was pissed, since he knew the elf gods would move Slaanesh's prison and tighten security after this, he abandoned Slaanesh and went back to the Allpoints.

But now Slaanesh is a mommy/daddy! During Morathi's ritual for godhood, Slaanesh's spasms caused a stream of saliva that interacted with Morathi's ritual and gained sentience. The entity burst from Slaanesh's prison, and flew through the skies across Ulgu, mutating everything with its presence before crashing to the ground. The Godseekers followed it to the point of impact, and over time thousands of Hedonites gathered. There the entity, known only as The Newborn, took on a form so beautiful and terrible that many who looked upon it died and it spoke to Hedonites, and they may have found a new path to worship Slaanesh.

== Followers ==
[[File:Slaanesh Banners.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Slaaneshi banners.]]
Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become [[Chris-Chan|colossal perverts]]; alternatively, she may attract followers from those who are already [[Ultramarines|colossal perverts]], and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. [[Just as planned]].

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and gives them everything they could ever want because she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of his hatred for it. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the ''best'', gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, [[/v/|that perfect 360 noscope,]] to [[powergamer|hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be]], or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi...even if they don’t want to be. If the thrill lies in just killing people-- the pure joy of murder-- and the skill is just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing or even pain, like the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. [[Troll|They also get off on the reactions they get from others]]-- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men. These are things that Khorne can’t stand, because Khorne has standards. Slaanesh takes those standards, throws them out the window, follows them out the window and murderfucks them with its arms pumping wildly.

When it come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here the difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, usually through charismatic speeches and the like, while Tzeenchians often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in the process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions. Tzeentch followers are quite notable for being dicks, not evil monsters (...usually, also barring daemons). Other than being egotistical trolls they're pretty normal people. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more [[Heresy|literal]] in Slaanesh's case. However Tzeentch has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming, Slaanesh still wins, so Tzeentch hates them too.

Apart from [[AIDS|the obvious]], Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction. There was the matter of the [[Isha|qt Eldar waifu]] Slaanesh wanted to keep for [[/d/|some]] [[rape|after-party]] [[FATAL|entertainment]], but since Nurgle is a fa/tg/uy at heart he couldn't resist claiming her for himself. <s>But they're mostly over that</s> Slaanesh is over it, Nurgle is not. Otherwise, their domains are just too different that they don't overlap all that much. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration. That being said Nurgle is still not fond of them-- mainly due to the aforementioned Eldar waifu.

[[File:Slaaneshi Forces.JPG|thumb|right|500px|Slaaneshi forces in their realm.]]

Slaanesh units are:
* '''[[Daemonettes]]''', hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use [[Raging Heroes|proxies]] randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as she contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
* '''[[Seekers of Slaanesh]]''', Daemonettes mounted upon [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor [[dinosaur]]; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
* '''[[Fiends of Slaanesh]]''', large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
* '''[[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky [[tarpit]] removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least [[Distraction Carnifex|target mitigation]] to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded [[Tau|fire warriors]] or some [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Spearmen]] can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
* '''[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally [[/d/|dripping]] with excitement at being in battle.
* '''[[Keepers Of Secrets]]''', Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, each is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless lead by a...
* '''[[Daemon Prince]]''', a human (with [[Dechala|one Elf]] as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in her service.

=== 40k ===
* '''[[Chaos Space Marines]]''', the traitor marines of the [[Emperor's Children|third legion]] worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
** '''[[Noise Marines]]''', the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's [[Berserkers]], Nurgle's [[Plague Marines]] or Tzeentch's [[Thousand Sons]]. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using [[Sonic Weaponry]] because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berghain Can be found IRL also.]

=== Fantasy ===
* '''[[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Druchii]]''': The Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Cult Of Pleasure]]. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen [[Morathi]] being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her [[Malekith|son]] and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of [[Khaine]], Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept [[Harpies|her own]] as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of [[Atharti]], [[Hekarti]], and [[Ereth Khial]], three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave who's skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.
* '''[[Warriors of Chaos]]''': Not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the [[Warp Gates]] they are, the more like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
* '''[[Beastmen]]''': Rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
*'''Hellstriders''': Warriors of Chaos mounted upon Seeker mounts. Unlike most Chaos Gods, who give daemonic mounts as rewards for their best followers, Slaanesh (or Keepers of Secrets in Age of Sigmar given Slaanesh's imprisonment) gives out Seekers to the weak-willed and lazy looking for a quick path to power. Those who fall for this trap find that although they gain power, they also gain a crippling addiction to the souls of their enemies that quickly results in them losing all pleasure outside of killing. If a Hellstrider is unable to kill, they will quite literally die from withdrawal.

=== [[Age of Sigmar]] ===
* '''Lord of Pain''': BDSM-freak Chaos Lords who are obsessed with giving and receiving pain. Not only does their high pain tolerance make them almost Nurgle-level tough, but they can even reflect their pain back to their enemies.
* '''Shardspeaker of Slaanesh''': Slaaneshi sorcerers who use their magical mirrors to force their enemies to submit to their most shameful hidden desires.
* '''Myrmidesh Painbringers''': The warrior elite of the Hedonites. Myrmidesh Painbringers are unusually chosen for their ability to withstand temptation, denying all carnal pleasures for a single minded focus on perfecting combat and ensuring their enemies die in the most beautiful and painful ways possible.
* '''Symbaresh Twinsouls''': Trying to be a disciplined aescetic warrior while being surrounded by perverted freaks is hard. So it isn't suprising that some Myrmidesh find themselves unable to keep up their eternal No-Nut November and fall off the deep end, allowing their souls to be possessed by daemons. Expectedly, this fusing of daemon and mortal blood makes the Twinsouls a favored unit of [[Syll'Esske]].
* '''Blissbarb Archers''': The dregs of Hedonite warbands excluded from the rush of melee combat. They coat their arrows in the eponymous Blissbarb poison that’s one part aphrodisiac and another part paralyzing agent.
* '''Blissbarb Seekers''': When the aforementioned Archer gets their first taste of steel cutting their skin (and lives), they’re likely to become addicted to this feeling and seek to claim a Seeker as their mount in order to chase after this exquisite sensation.
* '''Slickblade Seekers''': Elite Hellstriders with a nasty jealous streak against anyone who dares to steal the killing blow from them.
* '''[[Slaangor]] Fiendbloods''': Slaangors are back baby! The shock troopers of the Hedonite hosts, they are venerated by other Slaaneshi followers as physical avatars of the Dark Prince.

==Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k==
With the release of "Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider" we now have daemons of Slaanesh making an appearance during the [[War in Heaven]]? Now this could be just a case of timey wimey Warp shenanigans but it could also be an indication of something else! What if Slaanesh's "birth" was actually more akin to a rebirth of something far older; the original sin if you were.

It is known that even before the Fall agents of Slaanesh were already at large in the galaxy and actively seeking to bring it into being. If Slaanesh did indeed have a presence all the way back in the War in Heaven then perhaps it has always been there, seeking a way to return, as opposed to beginning to gestate within the Empyrean during the conflict itself.

Slaanesh isn't all about sex, [[Drug|drugs]] and more sex, but actually fits all of the seven deadly sins rather well: [[/d/|Lust]], [[RAGE|Wrath]], [[Blood Ravens|Greed]], [[Perturabo|Envy]], [[Giles|Gluttony]], [[Lazy Marines|Sloth]] and [[Cato Sicarius|Pride]] all fall under Slaanesh's domain; each of which play key roles in the other God's spheres of influence also. Of course these are taken to their extremes, as is Slaanesh's trade mark, but even the other Chaos Gods are extremes in their own way, and though they are all placed above the Dark Prince in terms of power they all may "fear" the influence that Slaanesh has the potential to hold over them and are very wary that the Dark Prince may eventually eclipse them all in power.

The War in Heaven is essentially the event(s) that created "Hell" in 40k as many races with a presence in the warp fought and died in the conflict, so it makes sense that there must have been an "original Satan"-like figure as well. Of course, this could be looking too much into this and talking out of our collective arse, but what with Slaanesh in [[Age of Sigmar]] no longer being counted amongst the Four, it opens up a lot of possibilities for when the Dark Prince does eventually return.

==The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh==

(AKA [[Kaldor Draigo]] becomes a sleeper agent. Probably. Other things are possible, but this would slap down the Mary Sue, so really, why argue?)

While the other Chaos Gods rarely welcome intruders to their lands within the immaterium, Slaanesh loves to tempt visitors to his unnatural domain, and those that dare enter the Lord of Pleasure's territory risk becoming trapped in its warped delights for eternity.

Slaanesh's realm is divided into six domains, arranged in concentric rings about the Palace of Pleasure. Each of these is a celebration of Slaanesh's desires, and while they might be mistaken for paradises, nothing in the lands of the Dark Prince is as it seems. An intruder can only reach the Palace of Pleasure, in the very heart of Slaanesh's territory, by passing through all six of the circles-- an act of will beyond most souls, both mortal and demonic. One amongst the mortal visitors to his realm still looms large in the memory of Slaanesh, however-- a wandering knight of the Adeptus Astartes whose resolve was as strong as silvered adamantium.

The first circle the knight pushed through was richly appointed beyond the dreams of kings. Mountains of stacked gold reached towards rainbow mosaics of gemstones in the marble vaults high above; glittering ingots and diamonds beyond count littered the ground. The knight marched past many a starving wretch attempting to count the innumerable gold coins, their sallow faces twisted with mounting greed until their piles toppled, and, weeping, they had to start over again. At every corner of the crossroads stood gilded statues, some of beautiful Slaanesh, others of Daemons and mortals trapped in blissful ecstasy. The trails in the diamond dust underfoot betrayed the fact that the statues were once flesh and blood. The knight had left notions of material wealth long behind, and he strode on without touching a single coin.

Crunching his way across a beach of golden teeth, the knight came to the shores of a vast lake of dark wine. The lake was dotted with pallid islands formed from the backs of giants, each linked by criss-crossing bridges. The backward hands of each giant held up a table that groaned under the weight of a lavish feast. There, he saw mortal men gorging themselves on the banquet, wide-eyed and desperate in their hunger as others frantically tried to gulp down the lake itself. The bloated and the obese moaned in pain as they crammed ever more food into their wine-stained mouths. The knight pressed on, distaste twisting his features as he passed the grisly remains of those who had consumed so much that they had physically burst apart.

The wanderer made his way through fields of golden light and soft hay, where lissome maidens and beautiful youths frolicked near-naked in the hallucinogenic musk of the lithe beasts that cavorted with them. The faces and fertile forms of the dancers were impossibly sensual, moulded to the perfect desire of the heart. The knight held his breath and closed his eyes, for though mortal pleasures were forbidden to his order, part of him was still a man. The crooning nymphs gathered around the knight, stroking his silvered armour and whispering of the sweet carnal pleasures they would give him, but he yielded not. The severed limbs and heads that lay underfoot spoke of the truth behind the honeyed lies. Eyes shut, he cut down the daemonette seductresses around him one after another, letting revulsion guide his shining blade.

After fighting his way through the feminine contours of the foothills ahead, the knight emerged onto a balcony where he was greeted by roars of adulation and approval. An army of Space Marines so vast its number was beyond counting awaited before him on an endless plain, listening in fevered anticipation of his commands for conquest. Planetary governors nodded in obsequious anticipation, and the High Lords of Terra smiled up at him from smaller balconies of their own, motioning him to speak. The knight recognised one of the rulers from his own mortal life, and stood before him, looking deep into the Philosopher-King's eyes. Behind the mask of power and self-assurance, he saw eternal, nagging paranoia, gnawing suspicion and hidden doubts that were acid to the soul. The knight shook his head sadly and walked away.

Wearied by his ordeals, the wanderer strode on through a mesmerising woodland paradise, its maze of pathways thick with flowers and heavy with thorns. The gentle, fragrant breeze whispered to the knight of past glories, reminding him of the executions he had performed in the Emperor's name. Mirrored pools reflected the knight as a shining saint, his face serene but his sword bloodied as he artfully carved apart rank after rank of red-skinned Daemons. The warrior turned away, troubled. In the distance, he could make out tortured figures staring intently into mirror pools of their own, each held immobile by the undergrowth as whispering thorns insinuated themselves into their flesh. The wanderer turned his mind to the humility of the cell he once called home. As he did so, the path through the maze writhed and straightened out before him. So the knight trudged on.

An endless beach stretched away from the knight, and heavenly choirs sung soothing lullabies as the perfumed sea lapped at the fortress walls of his mind. The wanderer's bones cried out for rest, even if only for a moment. The warmth of the golden sun above calmed his soul, and the tide began to erode his will. His tired eyes could barely stay open, but his vision was still clear enough to see the horrible truth: the bone-white sand was made from the remains of those who had rested here and fallen into a coma of blissful indolence. His resolve hardened, the knight strode on toward the shimmering palace in the distance.

It was there, beneath the elegant spires, that the wanderer came before almighty Slaanesh. Statuesque and divinely glamorous, the deity visited him in the form of a young man possessed of an androgynous beauty, clean-limbed and fresh with the vigour of youth. The knight unsheathed his rune-etched sword and made to strike him down. To his horror, he found that he could not, for the god-prince was disarming in his innocence and utterly beguiling in his manner.

Even the purest flame can be extinguished by the tide. In that single moment of doubt, the wanderer was lost. He knelt, bowing his head at last, and a single touch of the being's glowing sceptre on each shoulder sealed his fate for eternity.

== Facts ==
[[File:Nope.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?]]
* [[Ynnead]] is secretly Slaanesh
*[[Sanguinius]] is jealous of Slaanesh because they are the only one more fabulous than hi-{{BLAM}}
* Slaanesh wants to fuck the Emperor, but every time they try, the Big E psychically bitch-slaps them, destroys all their sex toys and sex slaves and breaks their hands so they can't fap for a while.
* Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
** Slaanesh is dyslexic.
***Slaanesh also knows that you can't spell dyslexic without sex
* The title of Slaanesh's greatest mortal champion is owned by Shädman''(ayyyyy)''
* Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how their only representation in the DoW series was the [[Emperor's Children]] paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, they did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones. (And their colours aren't even correct.)
**However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still <s>pissed off of not getting enough representation</s> OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while they only get a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
* Charlie Sheen is their first true Daemon Prince (though he was recently diagnosed with HIV which resulted from his sexcapades, so looks like he could swing towards [[Nurgle]]. But just like [[Fulgrim]] his body probably needs to be destroyed first before he can ascend). It was nearly Malcolm Mcdowell, on account of Mcdowell's filmography including two of Slaanesh's favorite films (see below) and Mcdowell's hedonistic younger years; before Charlie had even reached puberty, Mcdowell was already far into sex and drugs both in his films and real-life. But as he got older, Mcdowell turned away from hedonism and cleaned himself up. Other contenders include Gene Simmons and Tila Tequila.
* Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
* If it exists, [[PROMOTIONS|Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it]].
* Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne to get his daily dose of lulz. Slaanesh always loses these fights pretty badly; and each time, Slaanesh takes it pretty hard. [[C.S.Goto|And this pleases them.]]
* Slaanesh is secretly depressed that have no friends. Khorne is a dick, and Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is. Nurgle is nice, but Slaanesh can't get over the fact that he cucked them. ("Can't get over it" in both a [[PROMOTIONS|positive]] and [[RAGE|negative]] sense.)
** Also, Nurgle has ''all'' the STDs, which would make him Slaanesh's natural enemy out in the wild. Isha's immunity to all diseases is better than any protection, which is a pretty substantial reason why Slaanesh liked her.
* Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where they being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods.
* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string them along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
* Khorne [[Rip and Tear|regularly tears off Slaanesh's arms]] and beats them over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
* Slaanesh was doping when they killed the Eldar Gods, they couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs. (at least that what Khaine, a god of war and destruction, keeps insisting when ever someone asks him why he got both figuratively and possibly literally raped by a god(ess) of sex drugs and rock'n'roll)
** Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
* Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, they got their left boob cut off for their trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six). Given the new backstory and their time of birth, this means that Slaanesh lost against a Necron Pokémon.
* Slaanesh is a great patron of the arts. Their favourite films include:
** Hellraiser: Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, they took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... <strike>That is, of course, a lie. They actually ripped off Hellraiser.</strike> Hellraiser ripped them off. Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
** A Serbian Film: Slaanesh's second favorite movie. They already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
** Pink Flamingos: Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's journal. Slaanesh especially enjoyed the depictions of their hobbies (including bestiality, scat fetishes and vore), that the movie quotes them directly (see Divine's quote above).
** A Clockwork Orange: One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. (Although Slaanesh faps/shlicks to commentaries on morality too.) They like to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. They also find the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. '''BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!!''' Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!].
** The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
** Legend: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3J91bPrW9A Also because of Tim Curry, who practically plays a daemon prince of Slaanesh].
** Caligula: The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm Mcdowell as the title character. Slaanesh's favorite scenes are when Caligula engages in an incestuous threesome with his sister and his fiance, and the giant orgies on stage (don't watch the latter if you have a weak stomach - there's a real snake in one scene and [[FATAL|you don't want to know what the woman does with it]]).
** Eyes Wide Shut. Slaanesh has heard the film described as "Just Artsy Porn", but doesn't get the criticism. It's Art and it's Porn. What's not to love?
** Event Horizon: A documentary of how he/she/it is directly responsible for fucking up humanity's first venture into the Warp.
** High Rise: Some say it holds the essence of the one time Slaaneshi and Khaine got jiggy with it.
** Salo or 120 days of Sodom: Slaanesh liked it better when they thought it was real and not just special effects.
** The Stuff: A movie about the time some railroad workers found lakes of Slaanesh's jizz at a quarry and marketed it as dessert food due to its properties, leading to numerous shenanigans and giving Slaanesh much lulz that they never learned where it came from.
* Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
* Slaanesh's favorite band is GWAR, because everything with them is sex, drugs, and rock and roll in excess, even covering their audience in jizz, blood, random chemicals, and mixtures of all three, and inciting massive blood orgies constantly.
* Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams is also suspected to be one of the early influences of Slaanesh in human music culture, the singer suspected to be one of his/her/its avatars.
* Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, as well as all the dick, cloca, ovipositor, stamen, pistil, and pilus.
* Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
* Slaanesh found Captain Flashheart so magnificent in Blackadder that they created a daemon prince in his image. Woof woof!
* Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really [[cheese|cheesy]] ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
*Slaanesh is the only entity in existence who listens to the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast purely for erotic purposes. He/she/it cannot understand for the life of him/her/it why no one else finds cervix-grabbing sexy.
** Still, ]they fap/shlick/???-PROFIT at this.
*Mentioning the names of Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn gives Slaanesh a massive boner/lady-boner. Though Slaanesh didn't have a hand in inventing the internet, three guesses why Slaanesh loves the internet, and the first two don't count. Mentioning Hugh Hefner also has a similar effect.
* As a patron of the arts, Slaanesh has many favorite authors, so can't pick one. Having said that, Marquis de Sade is a strong contender.
* Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
** Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
**Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
** Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
**Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
*Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience.
*Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking. '''{{Blam|DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!}}'''
**Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.]]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|If you masturbate with barbed wire, a daemon of slaanesh will be summoned, and you will be exterminatus-ed]]
* Slaanesh secretly wants Khorne. S/he's upset that the 'Special K' hates her/him/it.
**However, if Slaanesh ever did create a copy of him/her/their/itself, then the two would immediately try to murderfuck each other, in a kinky simulacrum of Highlander. This would apply to all of the main ruinous powers, <s>apart from</s> including Nurgle, <s>who would simply hug his</s> whose female double <s>and then get to work with said double on a particularly virulent strain of super aids/crotch rot.</s> would get jealous of Isha and conspire with Slaanesh to get rid of that home-wrecking skank.
*Slaanesh is the patron <s>god</s> <s>goddess</s> deity of bonobos (look them up).
*Slaanesh's ''only'' criticism of the Cats movie is that there are no visible genitals.
* Slaanesh #fuckedPalpatine.

== Gallery ==
{{heresy}}
{{promotions}}
{{/d/}}
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-slanesh.jpg
Image:Slaaneshfaggot.jpeg|A real-life worshipper of Slaanesh.
Image:Slaaneshi.JPG|Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|That's a real [[commissar]], just look at the [[hat]].
Image:Daemonette02.JPG|DDaemonette
Image:Daemonette01.JPG|It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

Image:Daemonette.JPG
Image:Slaaneshi2.JPG|Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Image:Daemonxmas copy.jpg|Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Image:Lurvemudkipz.JPG|Evidence that it is possible that some [[pokémon]] are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

Image:Slaaneshi mudkips.JPG|Oh god. ;_;
Image:Slaanesh trainer.jpg|There is no excuse or explanation for this.
Image:Slaaneshijack copy.jpg|This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Image:Irresistible.jpg|Simply Irresistible

Image:Dranon5.jpg|Mr Culexus' interpretation of Slaanesh. Notice the massive bulge in the crotch that's bigger than it's boobs.
Image:Not_too_abysmal_by_Mr_Culexus.jpg|Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
Image:1271157389405.jpg|What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Image:daemonette_minerva.png|Who else did you think furries worshiped?

Image:Slaanesh_LAWL.jpg|LAWL
Image:Trapmarine.jpg|Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
Image:Trapmarine_BW.jpg|... which may not be so "little".
Image:Daemonette_with_seeker_mount.jpg|She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me. Although for your sake you really should take my word for it.

Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|The more common and usual fate of Eldar.
Image:Slaanesh cosplay 1 by zk87-d2zo47q.jpg|Now 262.71% more real!
Image:Slaanesh Time.jpg|You might be mixing up love and lust.
Image:Slaanesh_miniature_closeup.jpg|Gimme some sugar

Image:Slaanesh+hr giger.jpg|H. R. Geiger is pleased
Image:Slaanesh by zk87-d2z4bpv.jpg|Lashes of Torment!
Image:Slaanesh-153102-SweetAngel.jpg|She Who Thirsts indeed
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated]

Image:Dark_Prince_of_Pleasure_Slaanesh_wfrp.jpg|From the old [[WFRP]] days
Image:MoeSlaanesh.png|How can anyone not want to serve something so utterly <s>adorable</s> heretical?
Image:1419021850273.jpg|Yes, that is a Santa outfit.
Image:Anons_fall_to_Chaos.png|Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
Image:Champion of Slaanesh RL.png| We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
Image:HereticalUseOfChainswords.gif| When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
Image:Cultist-chan24.jpg|Slaanesh has improved cultist chan
Image:Wildslaanesh.png|Slaanesh Demon corrupts children
Image:Slaanesh-sorcerer.jpeg|Slaanesh makes the Cenobites from Hellraiser look good.
</gallery>

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

==See Also==
*Literally any Ahmkara, o reader mine.
*[[Azazel]] - The oldest existing [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[Dechala]] - The oldest existing Chaos Champion special character of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[The Masque]] - Slaanesh's former fav fab Daemonette stripper, and current PR rep.
*[[Sigvald]], Slaanesh's favorite not-Caligula/not-Joffrey.
*The [[Emperor's Children]] legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
*[[Fulgrim]] - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks ever.
*[[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bile]] - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played by geriatric [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane_%28wrestler%29 Glenn Jacobs] instead of young Tim Curry.
*[[Lucius]] - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
*[[Doomrider]] - He does COCAINE!
*[[Miriael Sabathiel]] - The most infamous [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] to fall to Slaanesh. Commonly mistaken as the ''only'' Chaos Sister of Battle by people who haven't read [[Ephrael Stern|Daemonifuge]]. Last seen hunting Eldar to give them [[Rape|hugs]].
*[[Codex - Fallen Sororitas]] - An entire homebrew army of Slaaneshi Sisters of Battle.
*[[Daemonette]] - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
*[[Reasonable Daemonette]] - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
*[[Loli D]] - The [[loli]] variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is [[Extra Heresy|extra heretical]]. E-Commissars can and will [[Exterminatus|blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice]] if you click on this link.
*[http://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Slaanesh's_sacrifice.pdf Slaanesh's Sacrifice] - Some Slaaneshi writefaggotry for the more heretical among you.
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRPIsrxUc_E Rick and Morty's visit to the Realm of Slaanesh]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-gHgcmFB6Q Slaanesh's visit to the Realm of Rick and Morty]
*[https://pastebin.com/5QZMB7nH Excessively Vanilla] - AKA the '''one''' time Slaanesh goes full-on vanilla, including actual marriage, handholding, and under the cover missionary sex for the sole purpose of procreation
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[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category:Hedonites of Slaanesh]]