2d4chan - User contributions [en]

H.P. Lovecraft

2021-09-22T12:50:31Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4:

{{Awesome}}
[[Image:Lovecraft.jpg|thumb|right|This is the closest he was able to pull to a smile.]]
{{Topquote|For I have always been a seeker, a dreamer, and a ponderer on seeking and dreaming...|H.P. Lovecraft, defining what is to be, at core, an elegan/tg/entleman}}

{{Topquote|Say the name of my cat|H.P. Lovecraft, probably}}

'''Howard Phillips Lovecraft''' was an American writer of horror fiction for 1920s pulp magazines, mostly the now defunct but famous at the time ''Weird Tales''. He is lauded one century later as the pioneer of the idea of "cosmic horror". In his stories (and the genre that evolved from it) the horror doesn't arise from prosaic fears of death and dismemberment, but from the idea that the universe itself is utterly alien and either indifferent or actively malevolent towards mankind, full of incomprehensible horrors that our minds are ill-equipped to cope with because some asshat didn't make it OSHA-compatible. This idea replaced the traditional spooks, werewolves, vampires and psychos with tentacled monstrosities from beyond space and time, dark gods sleeping beneath the ocean, and secretive cults carrying out terrible rites to bring their masters back to the world of the living. His influence can be felt throughout our culture as cosmic horror became a core concept of both fantasy and science-fiction - Mind Flayers in D&D, the insidious cults and corrupting influence of the gods of Chaos in ''Warhammer'', and of course ''[[Call of Cthulhu]]''.

The message of most of his writings is: life sucks, history and culture are precious but religion is harmful, and foreigners are weird and having children with them is an abomination. (Lovecraft was outspokenly [[/pol/|mega racist]] even for his day,[[#References|[1]]] though he would later come to regret ''some'' of it. [[Skub|And that's all we'll say, lest we invite flame wars otherwise.]]) Most importantly of all: man is hugely smaller and weaker than he thinks he actually is on the cosmic stage. Essentially, cosmic horror's [[grimdark]] value comes from the fact that really bad, really powerful things exist, and we can neither fully stop nor understand them. Sure, lesser things of his Mythos aren't all that bad, relatively speaking. You can exorcise a ghost, kill a werewolf, or bring down a Deep One with the right knowledge and equipment - but Lovecraft's ''big'' monsters can't be stopped. They're essentially immortal gods, you are at their mercy, and the best that you can do is, maybe, briefly, slow them down or temporarily boot them out of the world. Worst of all is that you either know this or are made painfully aware of it as the story unfolds: you might know these eldritch beings exist and their plans down to the very letter, but you also realize you can't do anything about it, like knowing the exact yield and placement of every nuke in World War III. Therein is the most disturbing thing in Lovecraft's stories: the simple fact that the entirety of human existence is microscopic and largely superfluous to the universe; its true nature is beyond the physical scope of our comprehension and even attempting to perceive it (or any of the higher/greater beings within it) is a doorway to madness and a padded cell.

Much of the horror of his works plays on the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar. Considering just ''how'' weird and incomprehensible a majority of the antagonists are, though, it's no surprise that protagonists of his stories tend to end up batshit insane under the burden of the knowledge that, even though they might have temporarily disrupted those things' plans, it is but a hollow and temporary victory at the very best, and in some ways they were better off not becoming aware to begin with. Lucky(?) for us, most of these beings don't know or don't care enough about us to ruin our day though they may do so incidentally anyway, and some are even benevolent - by comparison, at least. With his concepts being all but public domain, it's not uncommon to find later media in what would come to be considered "Lovecraft Lite" that take liberties with the themes of cosmic indifference and hopelessness, [[skub|for better and for worse]]; sometimes the existential and extra-terrestial horrors are more actively malevolent towards humanity and its domain, and sometimes they can be dispatched in a more permanent manner. [[Sanity]] loss will definitely still occur, though as even the most tenuous awareness of the beings can invite insanity.

Contrary to popular myth, Lovecraft was not an eccentric recluse who died alone. He enjoyed an extensive circle of friends he met first as member of the amateur journalist movement (of which he was a head of), then later as a writer for the 'Weird Tales' magazine. He visited friends, and vice versa, whenever they were in the area. In New York, Lovecraft would often wander the city with his friends until the early hours of the morning, seeking historical buildings and neighborhoods. Usually it would be him who would be leading his friends on to exhaustion. Lovecraft was also a prolific writer of letters, leaving behind thousands. Lovecraft corresponded with many of the other authors of the time, including [[Robert E. Howard]], [[Clark Ashton Smith]], Frank Belknap Long, Fritz Leiber Jr. (Fahfrd and Grey Mouser, one of Gygax's many influences on D&D) and even a young Robert Bloch (Psycho). While his writing was associated with nihilism and hopelessness, he was described as a decently happy and pleasant, albeit occasionally neurotic, guy to be around, and even though he much preferred being alone he was part of a sizable social circle of writers with whom he developed strong friendships, even becoming the glue that kept them together, as was the case his his New York City friends, the "Kalem Club". Howard also traveled extensively when his budget allowed, so he could visit historical sites, admire architecture (especially from the Colonial era), and visit friends. He traveled as far north as Quebec, as far south as Florida's Key West, and even crossed the Mississippi to visit New Orleans. Howard's suicide in particular was known to have affected him greatly, and in turn Lovecraft's passing was met with deep mourning by his fellow authors, who aimed to make his otherwise obscure legacy known to the world by leading efforts to collect and publish (or republish) his writings.

Many of his correspondents wrote pastiches of his distinctive style of horror; in fact, Bloch and Lovecraft each wrote stories in which the other made an appearance (and died in a suitably gruesome way). This in turn helped some authors, borrowing many ideas and notions from Lovecraft and added them to their works as well: the most famous example would be the Conan universe, which is also set in the Mythos that Lovecraft created (although in this case a much, much earlier time). Lovecraft himself encouraged his friends and other authors to draw from his work and made no attempts to keep it as purely his own, spurring on his posthumous popularity and influence in media. Though he didn't have much financial success in his lifetime, he resolved to write when and what he wanted to, and to not [[Awesome|"set down the dream for a boarish Publick."]]

==Some of Lovecraft's stories==
* '''Call of Cthulhu:''' Artists round the world go mad as an eldritch god stirs in its slumber. The one where Cthulhu actually appears and is skewered by a steamboat.
* '''The Shadow over Innsmouth:''' Man goes on trip to backwater ancestral hometown to learn more about his family. What he finds is not what he was looking for. Also clearly demonstrates Lovecraft's fear of sea creatures (which is the reason so many aliens and ancient eldritch beings in his stories have these features - especially the recurring tentacle motif) and his [[/pol/|disapproval of interracial/inter-ethnic mixing]]. Important background for [[Delta Green]].
* '''The Colour Out of Space:''' A meteorite whose color cannot be described lands on a farm, contaminates the soil and water, drains the crops and livestock of their vitality, and drives the family into insanity before consuming them. Then it flies away to do the same thing to some other world. Was made into a relatively faithful film adaptation in 2019, starring Nicholas Cage. It’s as awesome as it sounds.
* '''Dagon:''' Short story on one of the Deep One gods.
* '''The Dunwich Horror:''' A physical manifestation of the cosmic order had a baby with a normal human. As investigation on this strange boy deepens, people realize things are horribly wrong, as the blood and noises around the house suggest. Remember kids, race-mixing bad.
* '''The Case of Charles Dexter Ward:''' An intrepid investigator showing a certain [[Matt Ward|descendant]] how to be [[awesome]].
* '''At the Mountains of Madness:''' An Antarctic university expedition went missing, so a second mission is sent to find them. Little do they know about the billion-year-old horrors in wait. John Carpenter's ''The Thing'' was not an adaptation of this work, but it shares a lot of common elements.
* '''The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath:''' AKA Adventures of Mary Sue. It is nice though. Also clearly demonstrates Lovecraft's immense love of cats.
* '''The Cats of Ulthar:''' Don't ever kill a cat, especially not if the cat belongs to a gypsy. You will pay!
* '''Herbert West: Reanimator:''' Mad scientist insists on reanimating the dead, despite the fact that they make it very clear that they would rather not come back and the reanimation makes them violent and cannibalistic.
* '''Nyarlathotep:''' Introduced the title character, who is basically [[Just as planned]] personified. The only one of Lovecraft’s deities to have a human personality, [[Nyarlathotep]] is the go to villain in any adaption of the franchise.
* '''Cool Air:''' A wealthy young man who is probably a Lovecraft self-insert moves into an apartment building filled with immigrants, where he meets one he actually doesn’t hate, an old doctor with a literally quite cool room. Time goes on and the air conditioner for the room breaks, sending the Doc into a panic. When they come back to fix it, he’s become goop on the floor, because surprise surprise he was using this (for the time) radically new technology to postpone his inevitable death, and had been for 18 years. Cue dreadful realization.

==Influences on Tabletop Gaming==
Not counting the games directly based upon his work:

* Any number of ''D&D'' monsters -- Mindflayers, though inspired by an image of tree roots growing from beneath a skull, gradually became stand-ins for Cthulhu and his spawn, gibbering mouthers are low-grade shoggoths, kuo-toa are much like the Deep Ones minus their strange breeding habits, etc...

* The [[Far Realm]] of D&D, a place outside creation home to unspeakable madness.

* He might not have invented the dream-world as a separate dimension full of magical wonder, but his dreamland spawned a lot of tropes you've seen elsewhere: the plateau of Leng and the kingdom of the ghouls foremost.

* The Jabberslythe in Warhammer Fantasy (shoggoths, in conjunction with the titular creature from the Lewis Carroll poem "Jabberwocky")

* The concept of [[Chaos]] in both the Warhammer Fantasy and 40,000 settings owes much to his work, in conjunction with [[Michael Moorcock]].

* Magic the Gathering's entire [[Eldrazi]] set, as cheesy as it was, was about the Old Ones awakening.

* The [[Pathfinder]] RPG gets a lot of mileage out of Lovecraftian themes, like the stuff about [[Wat|aboleths creating the human race]], the Vault Keepers, Aucturn the Stranger, and the Dark Tapestry. Eventually, many Mythos figures, including the C'ster himself, made appearances as pants-shittingly dangerous endgame bosses, and their creatures got (mostly pretty good) write-ups as encounter-able monsters. You can even play a Deep One Hybrid or Yaddithian.

* Xoriat, the Realm of Madness, home of the Daelkyr, from the [[Eberron]] setting is pure Lovecraftian horror.

* While [[Genestealers]] originally took their inspiration from the horror movie Alien, their cults are most definitely reminiscent of ''Shadow of Innsmouth'' mixed with the more apocalyptic cults devoted to alien gods. And whence else did Ridley Scott and HR Giger get ''its'' inspiration?

* The lord of nerds and [[just as planned]], the Chaos God [[Tzeentch]] is very reminiscent of some of Lovecraft's strangest creations, most notably Nyarlathotep.

* The C'tan derive some features from Lovecraft's Old Ones, such as being ancient aliens that can warp the fabric of reality (but without the dimension the Warp). The Deceiver, like Tzeentch, also owes a lot to Nyarlathotep, even being a weaker member of its group with a more human-like sadistic personality just like Nyarlathotep.

==See Also==
* The [[Cthulhu Mythos]] and works based on it, including:
** ''[[Call of Cthulhu]]''
** ''[[Trail of Cthulhu]]''
** [[Arkham Horror]]
** [[Delta Green]]
** [[CthulhuTech]]

Other /tg/-relevant sci-fi authors:

* [[H.G. Wells]]
* [[Robert Heinlein]]
* [[Isaac Asimov]]
* [[Arthur C. Clarke]]
* [[Philip K. Dick]]

==References==
# Take this poem of his, for example:

[[/pol/|When, long ago, the gods created Earth
 In Jove's fair image Man was shaped at birth.
 The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;
 Yet were they too remote from humankind.
 To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
 Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.
 A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
 Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger.]]

<s>He also named his cat after the slur as well</s> (much to the Internet's amusement and chagrin). It was his father who was responsible for naming the cat after that slur. Not that he was bothered by this, but the cats that he fed and took care of in Providence were given more appropriate names

==External Links==
*[http://www.hplovecraft.com/ The H.P. Lovecraft Archive]
*[http://www.dagonbytes.com/thelibrary/lovecraft/ Complete Works at Dagonbytes]

[[Category:Writers]]
[[Category:Literature]]
[[Category: Cthulhu Mythos]]

H.P. Lovecraft

2021-09-22T12:47:10Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4:

{{Awesome}}
[[Image:Lovecraft.jpg|thumb|right|This is the closest he was able to pull to a smile.]]
{{Topquote|For I have always been a seeker, a dreamer, and a ponderer on seeking and dreaming...|H.P. Lovecraft, defining what is to be, at core, an elegan/tg/entleman}}

{{Topquote|Say the name of my cat|H.P. Lovecraft, probably}}

'''Howard Phillips Lovecraft''' was an American writer of horror fiction for 1920s pulp magazines, mostly the now defunct but famous at the time ''Weird Tales''. He is lauded one century later as the pioneer of the idea of "cosmic horror". In his stories (and the genre that evolved from it) the horror doesn't arise from prosaic fears of death and dismemberment, but from the idea that the universe itself is utterly alien and either indifferent or actively malevolent towards mankind, full of incomprehensible horrors that our minds are ill-equipped to cope with because some asshat didn't make it OSHA-compatible. This idea replaced the traditional spooks, werewolves, vampires and psychos with tentacled monstrosities from beyond space and time, dark gods sleeping beneath the ocean, and secretive cults carrying out terrible rites to bring their masters back to the world of the living. His influence can be felt throughout our culture as cosmic horror became a core concept of both fantasy and science-fiction - Mind Flayers in D&D, the insidious cults and corrupting influence of the gods of Chaos in ''Warhammer'', and of course ''[[Call of Cthulhu]]''.

The message of most of his writings is: life sucks, history and culture are precious but religion is harmful, and foreigners are weird and having children with them is an abomination. (Lovecraft was outspokenly [[/pol/|mega racist]] even for his day,[[#References|[1]]] though he would later come to regret ''some'' of it. [[Skub|And that's all we'll say, lest we invite flame wars otherwise.]]) Most importantly of all: man is hugely smaller and weaker than he thinks he actually is on the cosmic stage. Essentially, cosmic horror's [[grimdark]] value comes from the fact that really bad, really powerful things exist, and we can neither fully stop nor understand them. Sure, lesser things of his Mythos aren't all that bad, relatively speaking. You can exorcise a ghost, kill a werewolf, or bring down a Deep One with the right knowledge and equipment - but Lovecraft's ''big'' monsters can't be stopped. They're essentially immortal gods, you are at their mercy, and the best that you can do is, maybe, briefly, slow them down or temporarily boot them out of the world. Worst of all is that you either know this or are made painfully aware of it as the story unfolds: you might know these eldritch beings exist and their plans down to the very letter, but you also realize you can't do anything about it, like knowing the exact yield and placement of every nuke in World War III. Therein is the most disturbing thing in Lovecraft's stories: the simple fact that the entirety of human existence is microscopic and largely superfluous to the universe; its true nature is beyond the physical scope of our comprehension and even attempting to perceive it (or any of the higher/greater beings within it) is a doorway to madness and a padded cell.

Much of the horror of his works plays on the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar. Considering just ''how'' weird and incomprehensible a majority of the antagonists are, though, it's no surprise that protagonists of his stories tend to end up batshit insane under the burden of the knowledge that, even though they might have temporarily disrupted those things' plans, it is but a hollow and temporary victory at the very best, and in some ways they were better off not becoming aware to begin with. Lucky(?) for us, most of these beings don't know or don't care enough about us to ruin our day, and some are even benevolent - by comparison, at least. With his concepts being all but public domain, it's not uncommon to find later media in what would come to be considered "Lovecraft Lite" that take liberties with the themes of cosmic indifference and hopelessness, [[skub|for better and for worse]]; sometimes the existential and extra-terrestial horrors are more actively malevolent towards humanity and its domain, and sometimes they can be dispatched in a more permanent manner. [[Sanity]] loss will definitely still occur, though.

Contrary to popular myth, Lovecraft was not an eccentric recluse who died alone. He enjoyed an extensive circle of friends he met first as member of the amateur journalist movement (of which he was a head of), then later as a writer for the 'Weird Tales' magazine. He visited friends, and vice versa, whenever they were in the area. In New York, Lovecraft would often wander the city with his friends until the early hours of the morning, seeking historical buildings and neighborhoods. Usually it would be him who would be leading his friends on to exhaustion. Lovecraft was also a prolific writer of letters, leaving behind thousands. Lovecraft corresponded with many of the other authors of the time, including [[Robert E. Howard]], [[Clark Ashton Smith]], Frank Belknap Long, Fritz Leiber Jr. (Fahfrd and Grey Mouser, one of Gygax's many influences on D&D) and even a young Robert Bloch (Psycho). While his writing was associated with nihilism and hopelessness, he was described as a decently happy and pleasant, albeit occasionally neurotic, guy to be around, and even though he much preferred being alone he was part of a sizable social circle of writers with whom he developed strong friendships, even becoming the glue that kept them together, as was the case his his New York City friends, the "Kalem Club". Howard also traveled extensively when his budget allowed, so he could visit historical sites, admire architecture (especially from the Colonial era), and visit friends. He traveled as far north as Quebec, as far south as Florida's Key West, and even crossed the Mississippi to visit New Orleans. Howard's suicide in particular was known to have affected him greatly, and in turn Lovecraft's passing was met with deep mourning by his fellow authors, who aimed to make his otherwise obscure legacy known to the world by leading efforts to collect and publish (or republish) his writings.

Many of his correspondents wrote pastiches of his distinctive style of horror; in fact, Bloch and Lovecraft each wrote stories in which the other made an appearance (and died in a suitably gruesome way). This in turn helped some authors, borrowing many ideas and notions from Lovecraft and added them to their works as well: the most famous example would be the Conan universe, which is also set in the Mythos that Lovecraft created (although in this case a much, much earlier time). Lovecraft himself encouraged his friends and other authors to draw from his work and made no attempts to keep it as purely his own, spurring on his posthumous popularity and influence in media. Though he didn't have much financial success in his lifetime, he resolved to write when and what he wanted to, and to not [[Awesome|"set down the dream for a boarish Publick."]]

==Some of Lovecraft's stories==
* '''Call of Cthulhu:''' Artists round the world go mad as an eldritch god stirs in its slumber. The one where Cthulhu actually appears and is skewered by a steamboat.
* '''The Shadow over Innsmouth:''' Man goes on trip to backwater ancestral hometown to learn more about his family. What he finds is not what he was looking for. Also clearly demonstrates Lovecraft's fear of sea creatures (which is the reason so many aliens and ancient eldritch beings in his stories have these features - especially the recurring tentacle motif) and his [[/pol/|disapproval of interracial/inter-ethnic mixing]]. Important background for [[Delta Green]].
* '''The Colour Out of Space:''' A meteorite whose color cannot be described lands on a farm, contaminates the soil and water, drains the crops and livestock of their vitality, and drives the family into insanity before consuming them. Then it flies away to do the same thing to some other world. Was made into a relatively faithful film adaptation in 2019, starring Nicholas Cage. It’s as awesome as it sounds.
* '''Dagon:''' Short story on one of the Deep One gods.
* '''The Dunwich Horror:''' A physical manifestation of the cosmic order had a baby with a normal human. As investigation on this strange boy deepens, people realize things are horribly wrong, as the blood and noises around the house suggest. Remember kids, race-mixing bad.
* '''The Case of Charles Dexter Ward:''' An intrepid investigator showing a certain [[Matt Ward|descendant]] how to be [[awesome]].
* '''At the Mountains of Madness:''' An Antarctic university expedition went missing, so a second mission is sent to find them. Little do they know about the billion-year-old horrors in wait. John Carpenter's ''The Thing'' was not an adaptation of this work, but it shares a lot of common elements.
* '''The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath:''' AKA Adventures of Mary Sue. It is nice though. Also clearly demonstrates Lovecraft's immense love of cats.
* '''The Cats of Ulthar:''' Don't ever kill a cat, especially not if the cat belongs to a gypsy. You will pay!
* '''Herbert West: Reanimator:''' Mad scientist insists on reanimating the dead, despite the fact that they make it very clear that they would rather not come back and the reanimation makes them violent and cannibalistic.
* '''Nyarlathotep:''' Introduced the title character, who is basically [[Just as planned]] personified. The only one of Lovecraft’s deities to have a human personality, [[Nyarlathotep]] is the go to villain in any adaption of the franchise.
* '''Cool Air:''' A wealthy young man who is probably a Lovecraft self-insert moves into an apartment building filled with immigrants, where he meets one he actually doesn’t hate, an old doctor with a literally quite cool room. Time goes on and the air conditioner for the room breaks, sending the Doc into a panic. When they come back to fix it, he’s become goop on the floor, because surprise surprise he was using this (for the time) radically new technology to postpone his inevitable death, and had been for 18 years. Cue dreadful realization.

==Influences on Tabletop Gaming==
Not counting the games directly based upon his work:

* Any number of ''D&D'' monsters -- Mindflayers, though inspired by an image of tree roots growing from beneath a skull, gradually became stand-ins for Cthulhu and his spawn, gibbering mouthers are low-grade shoggoths, kuo-toa are much like the Deep Ones minus their strange breeding habits, etc...

* The [[Far Realm]] of D&D, a place outside creation home to unspeakable madness.

* He might not have invented the dream-world as a separate dimension full of magical wonder, but his dreamland spawned a lot of tropes you've seen elsewhere: the plateau of Leng and the kingdom of the ghouls foremost.

* The Jabberslythe in Warhammer Fantasy (shoggoths, in conjunction with the titular creature from the Lewis Carroll poem "Jabberwocky")

* The concept of [[Chaos]] in both the Warhammer Fantasy and 40,000 settings owes much to his work, in conjunction with [[Michael Moorcock]].

* Magic the Gathering's entire [[Eldrazi]] set, as cheesy as it was, was about the Old Ones awakening.

* The [[Pathfinder]] RPG gets a lot of mileage out of Lovecraftian themes, like the stuff about [[Wat|aboleths creating the human race]], the Vault Keepers, Aucturn the Stranger, and the Dark Tapestry. Eventually, many Mythos figures, including the C'ster himself, made appearances as pants-shittingly dangerous endgame bosses, and their creatures got (mostly pretty good) write-ups as encounter-able monsters. You can even play a Deep One Hybrid or Yaddithian.

* Xoriat, the Realm of Madness, home of the Daelkyr, from the [[Eberron]] setting is pure Lovecraftian horror.

* While [[Genestealers]] originally took their inspiration from the horror movie Alien, their cults are most definitely reminiscent of ''Shadow of Innsmouth'' mixed with the more apocalyptic cults devoted to alien gods. And whence else did Ridley Scott and HR Giger get ''its'' inspiration?

* The lord of nerds and [[just as planned]], the Chaos God [[Tzeentch]] is very reminiscent of some of Lovecraft's strangest creations, most notably Nyarlathotep.

* The C'tan derive some features from Lovecraft's Old Ones, such as being ancient aliens that can warp the fabric of reality (but without the dimension the Warp). The Deceiver, like Tzeentch, also owes a lot to Nyarlathotep, even being a weaker member of its group with a more human-like sadistic personality just like Nyarlathotep.

==See Also==
* The [[Cthulhu Mythos]] and works based on it, including:
** ''[[Call of Cthulhu]]''
** ''[[Trail of Cthulhu]]''
** [[Arkham Horror]]
** [[Delta Green]]
** [[CthulhuTech]]

Other /tg/-relevant sci-fi authors:

* [[H.G. Wells]]
* [[Robert Heinlein]]
* [[Isaac Asimov]]
* [[Arthur C. Clarke]]
* [[Philip K. Dick]]

==References==
# Take this poem of his, for example:

[[/pol/|When, long ago, the gods created Earth
 In Jove's fair image Man was shaped at birth.
 The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;
 Yet were they too remote from humankind.
 To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
 Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.
 A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
 Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger.]]

<s>He also named his cat after the slur as well</s> (much to the Internet's amusement and chagrin). It was his father who was responsible for naming the cat after that slur. Not that he was bothered by this, but the cats that he fed and took care of in Providence were given more appropriate names

==External Links==
*[http://www.hplovecraft.com/ The H.P. Lovecraft Archive]
*[http://www.dagonbytes.com/thelibrary/lovecraft/ Complete Works at Dagonbytes]

[[Category:Writers]]
[[Category:Literature]]
[[Category: Cthulhu Mythos]]

H.P. Lovecraft

2021-09-22T12:46:34Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4:

{{Awesome}}
[[Image:Lovecraft.jpg|thumb|right|This is the closest he was able to pull to a smile.]]
{{Topquote|For I have always been a seeker, a dreamer, and a ponderer on seeking and dreaming...|H.P. Lovecraft, defining what is to be, at core, an elegan/tg/entleman}}

{{Topquote|Say the name of my cat|H.P. Lovecraft, probably}}

'''Howard Phillips Lovecraft''' was an American writer of horror fiction for 1920s pulp magazines, mostly the now defunct but famous at the time ''Weird Tales''. He is lauded one century later as the pioneer of the idea of "cosmic horror". In his stories (and the genre that evolved from it) the horror doesn't arise from prosaic fears of death and dismemberment, but from the idea that the universe itself is utterly alien and either indifferent or actively malevolent towards mankind, full of incomprehensible horrors that our minds are ill-equipped to cope with because some asshat didn't make it OSHA-compatible. This idea replaced the traditional spooks, werewolves, vampires and psychos with tentacled monstrosities from beyond space and time, dark gods sleeping beneath the ocean, and secretive cults carrying out terrible rites to bring their masters back to the world of the living. His influence can be felt throughout our culture as cosmic horror became a core concept of both fantasy and science-fiction - Mind Flayers in D&D, the insidious cults and corrupting influence of the gods of Chaos in ''Warhammer'', and of course ''[[Call of Cthulhu]]''.

The message of most of his writings is: life sucks, history and culture are precious but religion is harmful, and foreigners are weird and having children with them is an abomination. (Lovecraft was outspokenly [[/pol/|mega racist]] even for his day,[[#References|[1]]] though he would later come to regret ''some'' of it. [[Skub|And that's all we'll say, lest we invite flame wars otherwise.]]) Most importantly of all: man is hugely smaller and weaker than he thinks he actually is on the cosmic stage. Essentially, cosmic horror's [[grimdark]] value comes from the fact that really bad, really powerful things exist, and we can neither fully stop nor understand them. Sure, lesser things of his Mythos aren't all that bad, relatively speaking. You can exorcise a ghost, kill a werewolf, or bring down a Deep One with the right knowledge and equipment - but Lovecraft's ''big'' monsters can't be stopped. They're essentially immortal gods, you are at their mercy, and the best that you can do is, maybe, briefly, slow them down or temporarily boot them out of the world. Worst of all is that you either know this or are made painfully aware of it as the story unfolds: you might know these eldritch beings exist and their plans down to the very letter, but you also realize you can't do anything about it, like knowing the exact yield and placement of every nuke in World War III. Therein is the most disturbing thing in Lovecraft's stories: the simple fact that the entirety of human existence is microscopic and largely irrelevant and superfluous to the universe; its true nature is beyond the physical scope of our comprehension and even attempting to perceive it (or any of the higher/greater beings within it) is a doorway to madness and a padded cell.

Much of the horror of his works plays on the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar. Considering just ''how'' weird and incomprehensible a majority of the antagonists are, though, it's no surprise that protagonists of his stories tend to end up batshit insane under the burden of the knowledge that, even though they might have temporarily disrupted those things' plans, it is but a hollow and temporary victory at the very best, and in some ways they were better off not becoming aware to begin with. Lucky(?) for us, most of these beings don't know or don't care enough about us to ruin our day, and some are even benevolent - by comparison, at least. With his concepts being all but public domain, it's not uncommon to find later media in what would come to be considered "Lovecraft Lite" that take liberties with the themes of cosmic indifference and hopelessness, [[skub|for better and for worse]]; sometimes the existential and extra-terrestial horrors are more actively malevolent towards humanity and its domain, and sometimes they can be dispatched in a more permanent manner. [[Sanity]] loss will definitely still occur, though.

Contrary to popular myth, Lovecraft was not an eccentric recluse who died alone. He enjoyed an extensive circle of friends he met first as member of the amateur journalist movement (of which he was a head of), then later as a writer for the 'Weird Tales' magazine. He visited friends, and vice versa, whenever they were in the area. In New York, Lovecraft would often wander the city with his friends until the early hours of the morning, seeking historical buildings and neighborhoods. Usually it would be him who would be leading his friends on to exhaustion. Lovecraft was also a prolific writer of letters, leaving behind thousands. Lovecraft corresponded with many of the other authors of the time, including [[Robert E. Howard]], [[Clark Ashton Smith]], Frank Belknap Long, Fritz Leiber Jr. (Fahfrd and Grey Mouser, one of Gygax's many influences on D&D) and even a young Robert Bloch (Psycho). While his writing was associated with nihilism and hopelessness, he was described as a decently happy and pleasant, albeit occasionally neurotic, guy to be around, and even though he much preferred being alone he was part of a sizable social circle of writers with whom he developed strong friendships, even becoming the glue that kept them together, as was the case his his New York City friends, the "Kalem Club". Howard also traveled extensively when his budget allowed, so he could visit historical sites, admire architecture (especially from the Colonial era), and visit friends. He traveled as far north as Quebec, as far south as Florida's Key West, and even crossed the Mississippi to visit New Orleans. Howard's suicide in particular was known to have affected him greatly, and in turn Lovecraft's passing was met with deep mourning by his fellow authors, who aimed to make his otherwise obscure legacy known to the world by leading efforts to collect and publish (or republish) his writings.

Many of his correspondents wrote pastiches of his distinctive style of horror; in fact, Bloch and Lovecraft each wrote stories in which the other made an appearance (and died in a suitably gruesome way). This in turn helped some authors, borrowing many ideas and notions from Lovecraft and added them to their works as well: the most famous example would be the Conan universe, which is also set in the Mythos that Lovecraft created (although in this case a much, much earlier time). Lovecraft himself encouraged his friends and other authors to draw from his work and made no attempts to keep it as purely his own, spurring on his posthumous popularity and influence in media. Though he didn't have much financial success in his lifetime, he resolved to write when and what he wanted to, and to not [[Awesome|"set down the dream for a boarish Publick."]]

==Some of Lovecraft's stories==
* '''Call of Cthulhu:''' Artists round the world go mad as an eldritch god stirs in its slumber. The one where Cthulhu actually appears and is skewered by a steamboat.
* '''The Shadow over Innsmouth:''' Man goes on trip to backwater ancestral hometown to learn more about his family. What he finds is not what he was looking for. Also clearly demonstrates Lovecraft's fear of sea creatures (which is the reason so many aliens and ancient eldritch beings in his stories have these features - especially the recurring tentacle motif) and his [[/pol/|disapproval of interracial/inter-ethnic mixing]]. Important background for [[Delta Green]].
* '''The Colour Out of Space:''' A meteorite whose color cannot be described lands on a farm, contaminates the soil and water, drains the crops and livestock of their vitality, and drives the family into insanity before consuming them. Then it flies away to do the same thing to some other world. Was made into a relatively faithful film adaptation in 2019, starring Nicholas Cage. It’s as awesome as it sounds.
* '''Dagon:''' Short story on one of the Deep One gods.
* '''The Dunwich Horror:''' A physical manifestation of the cosmic order had a baby with a normal human. As investigation on this strange boy deepens, people realize things are horribly wrong, as the blood and noises around the house suggest. Remember kids, race-mixing bad.
* '''The Case of Charles Dexter Ward:''' An intrepid investigator showing a certain [[Matt Ward|descendant]] how to be [[awesome]].
* '''At the Mountains of Madness:''' An Antarctic university expedition went missing, so a second mission is sent to find them. Little do they know about the billion-year-old horrors in wait. John Carpenter's ''The Thing'' was not an adaptation of this work, but it shares a lot of common elements.
* '''The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath:''' AKA Adventures of Mary Sue. It is nice though. Also clearly demonstrates Lovecraft's immense love of cats.
* '''The Cats of Ulthar:''' Don't ever kill a cat, especially not if the cat belongs to a gypsy. You will pay!
* '''Herbert West: Reanimator:''' Mad scientist insists on reanimating the dead, despite the fact that they make it very clear that they would rather not come back and the reanimation makes them violent and cannibalistic.
* '''Nyarlathotep:''' Introduced the title character, who is basically [[Just as planned]] personified. The only one of Lovecraft’s deities to have a human personality, [[Nyarlathotep]] is the go to villain in any adaption of the franchise.
* '''Cool Air:''' A wealthy young man who is probably a Lovecraft self-insert moves into an apartment building filled with immigrants, where he meets one he actually doesn’t hate, an old doctor with a literally quite cool room. Time goes on and the air conditioner for the room breaks, sending the Doc into a panic. When they come back to fix it, he’s become goop on the floor, because surprise surprise he was using this (for the time) radically new technology to postpone his inevitable death, and had been for 18 years. Cue dreadful realization.

==Influences on Tabletop Gaming==
Not counting the games directly based upon his work:

* Any number of ''D&D'' monsters -- Mindflayers, though inspired by an image of tree roots growing from beneath a skull, gradually became stand-ins for Cthulhu and his spawn, gibbering mouthers are low-grade shoggoths, kuo-toa are much like the Deep Ones minus their strange breeding habits, etc...

* The [[Far Realm]] of D&D, a place outside creation home to unspeakable madness.

* He might not have invented the dream-world as a separate dimension full of magical wonder, but his dreamland spawned a lot of tropes you've seen elsewhere: the plateau of Leng and the kingdom of the ghouls foremost.

* The Jabberslythe in Warhammer Fantasy (shoggoths, in conjunction with the titular creature from the Lewis Carroll poem "Jabberwocky")

* The concept of [[Chaos]] in both the Warhammer Fantasy and 40,000 settings owes much to his work, in conjunction with [[Michael Moorcock]].

* Magic the Gathering's entire [[Eldrazi]] set, as cheesy as it was, was about the Old Ones awakening.

* The [[Pathfinder]] RPG gets a lot of mileage out of Lovecraftian themes, like the stuff about [[Wat|aboleths creating the human race]], the Vault Keepers, Aucturn the Stranger, and the Dark Tapestry. Eventually, many Mythos figures, including the C'ster himself, made appearances as pants-shittingly dangerous endgame bosses, and their creatures got (mostly pretty good) write-ups as encounter-able monsters. You can even play a Deep One Hybrid or Yaddithian.

* Xoriat, the Realm of Madness, home of the Daelkyr, from the [[Eberron]] setting is pure Lovecraftian horror.

* While [[Genestealers]] originally took their inspiration from the horror movie Alien, their cults are most definitely reminiscent of ''Shadow of Innsmouth'' mixed with the more apocalyptic cults devoted to alien gods. And whence else did Ridley Scott and HR Giger get ''its'' inspiration?

* The lord of nerds and [[just as planned]], the Chaos God [[Tzeentch]] is very reminiscent of some of Lovecraft's strangest creations, most notably Nyarlathotep.

* The C'tan derive some features from Lovecraft's Old Ones, such as being ancient aliens that can warp the fabric of reality (but without the dimension the Warp). The Deceiver, like Tzeentch, also owes a lot to Nyarlathotep, even being a weaker member of its group with a more human-like sadistic personality just like Nyarlathotep.

==See Also==
* The [[Cthulhu Mythos]] and works based on it, including:
** ''[[Call of Cthulhu]]''
** ''[[Trail of Cthulhu]]''
** [[Arkham Horror]]
** [[Delta Green]]
** [[CthulhuTech]]

Other /tg/-relevant sci-fi authors:

* [[H.G. Wells]]
* [[Robert Heinlein]]
* [[Isaac Asimov]]
* [[Arthur C. Clarke]]
* [[Philip K. Dick]]

==References==
# Take this poem of his, for example:

[[/pol/|When, long ago, the gods created Earth
 In Jove's fair image Man was shaped at birth.
 The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;
 Yet were they too remote from humankind.
 To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
 Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.
 A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
 Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger.]]

<s>He also named his cat after the slur as well</s> (much to the Internet's amusement and chagrin). It was his father who was responsible for naming the cat after that slur. Not that he was bothered by this, but the cats that he fed and took care of in Providence were given more appropriate names

==External Links==
*[http://www.hplovecraft.com/ The H.P. Lovecraft Archive]
*[http://www.dagonbytes.com/thelibrary/lovecraft/ Complete Works at Dagonbytes]

[[Category:Writers]]
[[Category:Literature]]
[[Category: Cthulhu Mythos]]

H.P. Lovecraft

2021-09-22T12:44:49Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4:

{{Awesome}}
[[Image:Lovecraft.jpg|thumb|right|This is the closest he was able to pull to a smile.]]
{{Topquote|For I have always been a seeker, a dreamer, and a ponderer on seeking and dreaming...|H.P. Lovecraft, defining what is to be, at core, an elegan/tg/entleman}}

{{Topquote|Say the name of my cat|H.P. Lovecraft, probably}}

'''Howard Phillips Lovecraft''' was an American writer of horror fiction for 1920s pulp magazines, mostly the now defunct but famous at the time ''Weird Tales''. He is lauded one century later as the pioneer of the idea of "cosmic horror". In his stories (and the genre that evolved from it) the horror doesn't arise from prosaic fears of death and dismemberment, but from the idea that the universe itself is utterly alien and either indifferent or actively malevolent towards mankind, full of incomprehensible horrors that our minds are ill-equipped to cope with because some asshat didn't make it OSHA-compatible. This idea replaced the traditional spooks, werewolves, vampires and psychos with tentacled monstrosities from beyond space and time, dark gods sleeping beneath the ocean, and secretive cults carrying out terrible rites to bring their masters back to the world of the living. His influence can be felt throughout our culture as cosmic horror became a core concept of both fantasy and science-fiction - Mind Flayers in D&D, the insidious cults and corrupting influence of the gods of Chaos in ''Warhammer'', and of course ''[[Call of Cthulhu]]''.

The message of most of his writings is: life sucks, history and culture are precious but religion is harmful, and foreigners are weird and having children with them is an abomination. (Lovecraft was outspokenly [[/pol/|mega racist]] even for his day,[[#References|[1]]] though he would later come to regret ''some'' of it. [[Skub|And that's all we'll say, lest we invite flame wars otherwise.]]) Most importantly of all: man is hugely smaller and weaker than he thinks he actually is on the cosmic stage. Essentially, cosmic horror's [[grimdark]] value comes from the fact that really bad, really powerful things exist, and we can neither fully stop nor understand them. Sure, lesser things of his Mythos aren't all that bad, relatively speaking. You can exorcise a ghost, kill a werewolf, or bring down a Deep One with the right knowledge and equipment - but Lovecraft's ''big'' monsters can't be stopped. They're essentially immortal gods, you are at their mercy, and the best that you can do is, maybe, briefly, slow them down or temporarily boot them out of the world. Worst of all is that you either know this or are made painfully aware of it as the story unfolds: you might know these eldritch beings exist and their plans down to the very letter, but you also realize you can't do anything about it, like knowing the exact yield and placement of every nuke in World War III. Therein is the most disturbing thing in Lovecraft's stories: the simple fact that the entirety of human existence is microscopic to the universe; its true nature is beyond the physical scope of our comprehension and even attempting to perceive it (or any of the higher/greater beings within it) is a doorway to madness and a padded cell.

Much of the horror of his works plays on the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar. Considering just ''how'' weird and incomprehensible a majority of the antagonists are, though, it's no surprise that protagonists of his stories tend to end up batshit insane under the burden of the knowledge that, even though they might have temporarily disrupted those things' plans, it is but a hollow and temporary victory at the very best, and in some ways they were better off not becoming aware to begin with. Lucky(?) for us, most of these beings don't know or don't care enough about us to ruin our day, and some are even benevolent - by comparison, at least. With his concepts being all but public domain, it's not uncommon to find later media in what would come to be considered "Lovecraft Lite" that take liberties with the themes of cosmic indifference and hopelessness, [[skub|for better and for worse]]; sometimes the existential and extra-terrestial horrors are more actively malevolent towards humanity and its domain, and sometimes they can be dispatched in a more permanent manner. [[Sanity]] loss will definitely still occur, though.

Contrary to popular myth, Lovecraft was not an eccentric recluse who died alone. He enjoyed an extensive circle of friends he met first as member of the amateur journalist movement (of which he was a head of), then later as a writer for the 'Weird Tales' magazine. He visited friends, and vice versa, whenever they were in the area. In New York, Lovecraft would often wander the city with his friends until the early hours of the morning, seeking historical buildings and neighborhoods. Usually it would be him who would be leading his friends on to exhaustion. Lovecraft was also a prolific writer of letters, leaving behind thousands. Lovecraft corresponded with many of the other authors of the time, including [[Robert E. Howard]], [[Clark Ashton Smith]], Frank Belknap Long, Fritz Leiber Jr. (Fahfrd and Grey Mouser, one of Gygax's many influences on D&D) and even a young Robert Bloch (Psycho). While his writing was associated with nihilism and hopelessness, he was described as a decently happy and pleasant, albeit occasionally neurotic, guy to be around, and even though he much preferred being alone he was part of a sizable social circle of writers with whom he developed strong friendships, even becoming the glue that kept them together, as was the case his his New York City friends, the "Kalem Club". Howard also traveled extensively when his budget allowed, so he could visit historical sites, admire architecture (especially from the Colonial era), and visit friends. He traveled as far north as Quebec, as far south as Florida's Key West, and even crossed the Mississippi to visit New Orleans. Howard's suicide in particular was known to have affected him greatly, and in turn Lovecraft's passing was met with deep mourning by his fellow authors, who aimed to make his otherwise obscure legacy known to the world by leading efforts to collect and publish (or republish) his writings.

Many of his correspondents wrote pastiches of his distinctive style of horror; in fact, Bloch and Lovecraft each wrote stories in which the other made an appearance (and died in a suitably gruesome way). This in turn helped some authors, borrowing many ideas and notions from Lovecraft and added them to their works as well: the most famous example would be the Conan universe, which is also set in the Mythos that Lovecraft created (although in this case a much, much earlier time). Lovecraft himself encouraged his friends and other authors to draw from his work and made no attempts to keep it as purely his own, spurring on his posthumous popularity and influence in media. Though he didn't have much financial success in his lifetime, he resolved to write when and what he wanted to, and to not [[Awesome|"set down the dream for a boarish Publick."]]

==Some of Lovecraft's stories==
* '''Call of Cthulhu:''' Artists round the world go mad as an eldritch god stirs in its slumber. The one where Cthulhu actually appears and is skewered by a steamboat.
* '''The Shadow over Innsmouth:''' Man goes on trip to backwater ancestral hometown to learn more about his family. What he finds is not what he was looking for. Also clearly demonstrates Lovecraft's fear of sea creatures (which is the reason so many aliens and ancient eldritch beings in his stories have these features - especially the recurring tentacle motif) and his [[/pol/|disapproval of interracial/inter-ethnic mixing]]. Important background for [[Delta Green]].
* '''The Colour Out of Space:''' A meteorite whose color cannot be described lands on a farm, contaminates the soil and water, drains the crops and livestock of their vitality, and drives the family into insanity before consuming them. Then it flies away to do the same thing to some other world. Was made into a relatively faithful film adaptation in 2019, starring Nicholas Cage. It’s as awesome as it sounds.
* '''Dagon:''' Short story on one of the Deep One gods.
* '''The Dunwich Horror:''' A physical manifestation of the cosmic order had a baby with a normal human. As investigation on this strange boy deepens, people realize things are horribly wrong, as the blood and noises around the house suggest. Remember kids, race-mixing bad.
* '''The Case of Charles Dexter Ward:''' An intrepid investigator showing a certain [[Matt Ward|descendant]] how to be [[awesome]].
* '''At the Mountains of Madness:''' An Antarctic university expedition went missing, so a second mission is sent to find them. Little do they know about the billion-year-old horrors in wait. John Carpenter's ''The Thing'' was not an adaptation of this work, but it shares a lot of common elements.
* '''The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath:''' AKA Adventures of Mary Sue. It is nice though. Also clearly demonstrates Lovecraft's immense love of cats.
* '''The Cats of Ulthar:''' Don't ever kill a cat, especially not if the cat belongs to a gypsy. You will pay!
* '''Herbert West: Reanimator:''' Mad scientist insists on reanimating the dead, despite the fact that they make it very clear that they would rather not come back and the reanimation makes them violent and cannibalistic.
* '''Nyarlathotep:''' Introduced the title character, who is basically [[Just as planned]] personified. The only one of Lovecraft’s deities to have a human personality, [[Nyarlathotep]] is the go to villain in any adaption of the franchise.
* '''Cool Air:''' A wealthy young man who is probably a Lovecraft self-insert moves into an apartment building filled with immigrants, where he meets one he actually doesn’t hate, an old doctor with a literally quite cool room. Time goes on and the air conditioner for the room breaks, sending the Doc into a panic. When they come back to fix it, he’s become goop on the floor, because surprise surprise he was using this (for the time) radically new technology to postpone his inevitable death, and had been for 18 years. Cue dreadful realization.

==Influences on Tabletop Gaming==
Not counting the games directly based upon his work:

* Any number of ''D&D'' monsters -- Mindflayers, though inspired by an image of tree roots growing from beneath a skull, gradually became stand-ins for Cthulhu and his spawn, gibbering mouthers are low-grade shoggoths, kuo-toa are much like the Deep Ones minus their strange breeding habits, etc...

* The [[Far Realm]] of D&D, a place outside creation home to unspeakable madness.

* He might not have invented the dream-world as a separate dimension full of magical wonder, but his dreamland spawned a lot of tropes you've seen elsewhere: the plateau of Leng and the kingdom of the ghouls foremost.

* The Jabberslythe in Warhammer Fantasy (shoggoths, in conjunction with the titular creature from the Lewis Carroll poem "Jabberwocky")

* The concept of [[Chaos]] in both the Warhammer Fantasy and 40,000 settings owes much to his work, in conjunction with [[Michael Moorcock]].

* Magic the Gathering's entire [[Eldrazi]] set, as cheesy as it was, was about the Old Ones awakening.

* The [[Pathfinder]] RPG gets a lot of mileage out of Lovecraftian themes, like the stuff about [[Wat|aboleths creating the human race]], the Vault Keepers, Aucturn the Stranger, and the Dark Tapestry. Eventually, many Mythos figures, including the C'ster himself, made appearances as pants-shittingly dangerous endgame bosses, and their creatures got (mostly pretty good) write-ups as encounter-able monsters. You can even play a Deep One Hybrid or Yaddithian.

* Xoriat, the Realm of Madness, home of the Daelkyr, from the [[Eberron]] setting is pure Lovecraftian horror.

* While [[Genestealers]] originally took their inspiration from the horror movie Alien, their cults are most definitely reminiscent of ''Shadow of Innsmouth'' mixed with the more apocalyptic cults devoted to alien gods. And whence else did Ridley Scott and HR Giger get ''its'' inspiration?

* The lord of nerds and [[just as planned]], the Chaos God [[Tzeentch]] is very reminiscent of some of Lovecraft's strangest creations, most notably Nyarlathotep.

* The C'tan derive some features from Lovecraft's Old Ones, such as being ancient aliens that can warp the fabric of reality (but without the dimension the Warp). The Deceiver, like Tzeentch, also owes a lot to Nyarlathotep, even being a weaker member of its group with a more human-like sadistic personality just like Nyarlathotep.

==See Also==
* The [[Cthulhu Mythos]] and works based on it, including:
** ''[[Call of Cthulhu]]''
** ''[[Trail of Cthulhu]]''
** [[Arkham Horror]]
** [[Delta Green]]
** [[CthulhuTech]]

Other /tg/-relevant sci-fi authors:

* [[H.G. Wells]]
* [[Robert Heinlein]]
* [[Isaac Asimov]]
* [[Arthur C. Clarke]]
* [[Philip K. Dick]]

==References==
# Take this poem of his, for example:

[[/pol/|When, long ago, the gods created Earth
 In Jove's fair image Man was shaped at birth.
 The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;
 Yet were they too remote from humankind.
 To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
 Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.
 A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
 Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger.]]

<s>He also named his cat after the slur as well</s> (much to the Internet's amusement and chagrin). It was his father who was responsible for naming the cat after that slur. Not that he was bothered by this, but the cats that he fed and took care of in Providence were given more appropriate names

==External Links==
*[http://www.hplovecraft.com/ The H.P. Lovecraft Archive]
*[http://www.dagonbytes.com/thelibrary/lovecraft/ Complete Works at Dagonbytes]

[[Category:Writers]]
[[Category:Literature]]
[[Category: Cthulhu Mythos]]

H.P. Lovecraft

2021-09-22T12:43:06Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4:

{{Awesome}}
[[Image:Lovecraft.jpg|thumb|right|This is the closest he was able to pull to a smile.]]
{{Topquote|For I have always been a seeker, a dreamer, and a ponderer on seeking and dreaming...|H.P. Lovecraft, defining what is to be, at core, an elegan/tg/entleman}}

{{Topquote|Say the name of my cat|H.P. Lovecraft, probably}}

'''Howard Phillips Lovecraft''' was an American writer of horror fiction for 1920s pulp magazines, mostly the now defunct but famous at the time ''Weird Tales''. He is lauded one century later as the pioneer of the idea of "cosmic horror". In his stories (and the genre that evolved from it) the horror doesn't arise from prosaic fears of death and dismemberment, but from the idea that the universe itself is utterly alien and either indifferent or actively malevolent towards mankind, full of incomprehensible horrors that our minds are ill-equipped to cope with because some asshat didn't make it OSHA-compatible. This idea replaced the traditional spooks, werewolves, vampires and psychos with tentacled monstrosities from beyond space and time, dark gods sleeping beneath the ocean, and secretive cults carrying out terrible rites to bring their masters back to the world of the living. His influence can be felt throughout our culture as cosmic horror became a core concept of both fantasy and science-fiction - Mind Flayers in D&D, the insidious cults and corrupting influence of the gods of Chaos in ''Warhammer'', and of course ''[[Call of Cthulhu]]''.

The message of most of his writings is: life sucks, history and culture are precious but religion is harmful, and foreigners are weird and having children with them is an abomination. (Lovecraft was outspokenly [[/pol/|mega racist]] even for his day,[[#References|[1]]] though he would later come to regret ''some'' of it. [[Skub|And that's all we'll say, lest we invite flame wars otherwise.]]) Most importantly of all: man is hugely smaller and weaker than he thinks he actually is on the cosmic stage. Essentially, cosmic horror's [[grimdark]] value comes from the fact that really bad, really powerful things exist, and we can neither fully stop nor understand them. Sure, lesser things of his Mythos aren't all that bad, relatively speaking. You can exorcise a ghost, kill a werewolf, or bring down a Deep One with the right knowledge and equipment - but Lovecraft's ''big'' monsters can't be stopped. They're essentially immortal gods, you are at their mercy, and the best that you can do is, maybe, briefly, slow them down or temporarily boot them out of the world. Worst of all is that you either know this or are made painfully aware of it as the story unfolds: you might know these eldritch beings exist and their plans down to the very letter, but you also realize you can't do anything about it, like knowing the exact yield and placement of every nuke in World War III. Therein is the most disturbing thing in Lovecraft's stories: the simple fact that the entirety of human existence is microscopic to the universe, its true nature beyond the physical scope of our comprehension and even attempting to perceive its true nature (or any of the higher/greater beings within it) is a doorway to madness and a padded cell.

Much of the horror of his works plays on the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar. Considering just ''how'' weird and incomprehensible a majority of the antagonists are, though, it's no surprise that protagonists of his stories tend to end up batshit insane under the burden of the knowledge that, even though they might have temporarily disrupted those things' plans, it is but a hollow and temporary victory at the very best, and in some ways they were better off not becoming aware to begin with. Lucky(?) for us, most of these beings don't know or don't care enough about us to ruin our day, and some are even benevolent - by comparison, at least. With his concepts being all but public domain, it's not uncommon to find later media in what would come to be considered "Lovecraft Lite" that take liberties with the themes of cosmic indifference and hopelessness, [[skub|for better and for worse]]; sometimes the existential and extra-terrestial horrors are more actively malevolent towards humanity and its domain, and sometimes they can be dispatched in a more permanent manner. [[Sanity]] loss will definitely still occur, though.

Contrary to popular myth, Lovecraft was not an eccentric recluse who died alone. He enjoyed an extensive circle of friends he met first as member of the amateur journalist movement (of which he was a head of), then later as a writer for the 'Weird Tales' magazine. He visited friends, and vice versa, whenever they were in the area. In New York, Lovecraft would often wander the city with his friends until the early hours of the morning, seeking historical buildings and neighborhoods. Usually it would be him who would be leading his friends on to exhaustion. Lovecraft was also a prolific writer of letters, leaving behind thousands. Lovecraft corresponded with many of the other authors of the time, including [[Robert E. Howard]], [[Clark Ashton Smith]], Frank Belknap Long, Fritz Leiber Jr. (Fahfrd and Grey Mouser, one of Gygax's many influences on D&D) and even a young Robert Bloch (Psycho). While his writing was associated with nihilism and hopelessness, he was described as a decently happy and pleasant, albeit occasionally neurotic, guy to be around, and even though he much preferred being alone he was part of a sizable social circle of writers with whom he developed strong friendships, even becoming the glue that kept them together, as was the case his his New York City friends, the "Kalem Club". Howard also traveled extensively when his budget allowed, so he could visit historical sites, admire architecture (especially from the Colonial era), and visit friends. He traveled as far north as Quebec, as far south as Florida's Key West, and even crossed the Mississippi to visit New Orleans. Howard's suicide in particular was known to have affected him greatly, and in turn Lovecraft's passing was met with deep mourning by his fellow authors, who aimed to make his otherwise obscure legacy known to the world by leading efforts to collect and publish (or republish) his writings.

Many of his correspondents wrote pastiches of his distinctive style of horror; in fact, Bloch and Lovecraft each wrote stories in which the other made an appearance (and died in a suitably gruesome way). This in turn helped some authors, borrowing many ideas and notions from Lovecraft and added them to their works as well: the most famous example would be the Conan universe, which is also set in the Mythos that Lovecraft created (although in this case a much, much earlier time). Lovecraft himself encouraged his friends and other authors to draw from his work and made no attempts to keep it as purely his own, spurring on his posthumous popularity and influence in media. Though he didn't have much financial success in his lifetime, he resolved to write when and what he wanted to, and to not [[Awesome|"set down the dream for a boarish Publick."]]

==Some of Lovecraft's stories==
* '''Call of Cthulhu:''' Artists round the world go mad as an eldritch god stirs in its slumber. The one where Cthulhu actually appears and is skewered by a steamboat.
* '''The Shadow over Innsmouth:''' Man goes on trip to backwater ancestral hometown to learn more about his family. What he finds is not what he was looking for. Also clearly demonstrates Lovecraft's fear of sea creatures (which is the reason so many aliens and ancient eldritch beings in his stories have these features - especially the recurring tentacle motif) and his [[/pol/|disapproval of interracial/inter-ethnic mixing]]. Important background for [[Delta Green]].
* '''The Colour Out of Space:''' A meteorite whose color cannot be described lands on a farm, contaminates the soil and water, drains the crops and livestock of their vitality, and drives the family into insanity before consuming them. Then it flies away to do the same thing to some other world. Was made into a relatively faithful film adaptation in 2019, starring Nicholas Cage. It’s as awesome as it sounds.
* '''Dagon:''' Short story on one of the Deep One gods.
* '''The Dunwich Horror:''' A physical manifestation of the cosmic order had a baby with a normal human. As investigation on this strange boy deepens, people realize things are horribly wrong, as the blood and noises around the house suggest. Remember kids, race-mixing bad.
* '''The Case of Charles Dexter Ward:''' An intrepid investigator showing a certain [[Matt Ward|descendant]] how to be [[awesome]].
* '''At the Mountains of Madness:''' An Antarctic university expedition went missing, so a second mission is sent to find them. Little do they know about the billion-year-old horrors in wait. John Carpenter's ''The Thing'' was not an adaptation of this work, but it shares a lot of common elements.
* '''The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath:''' AKA Adventures of Mary Sue. It is nice though. Also clearly demonstrates Lovecraft's immense love of cats.
* '''The Cats of Ulthar:''' Don't ever kill a cat, especially not if the cat belongs to a gypsy. You will pay!
* '''Herbert West: Reanimator:''' Mad scientist insists on reanimating the dead, despite the fact that they make it very clear that they would rather not come back and the reanimation makes them violent and cannibalistic.
* '''Nyarlathotep:''' Introduced the title character, who is basically [[Just as planned]] personified. The only one of Lovecraft’s deities to have a human personality, [[Nyarlathotep]] is the go to villain in any adaption of the franchise.
* '''Cool Air:''' A wealthy young man who is probably a Lovecraft self-insert moves into an apartment building filled with immigrants, where he meets one he actually doesn’t hate, an old doctor with a literally quite cool room. Time goes on and the air conditioner for the room breaks, sending the Doc into a panic. When they come back to fix it, he’s become goop on the floor, because surprise surprise he was using this (for the time) radically new technology to postpone his inevitable death, and had been for 18 years. Cue dreadful realization.

==Influences on Tabletop Gaming==
Not counting the games directly based upon his work:

* Any number of ''D&D'' monsters -- Mindflayers, though inspired by an image of tree roots growing from beneath a skull, gradually became stand-ins for Cthulhu and his spawn, gibbering mouthers are low-grade shoggoths, kuo-toa are much like the Deep Ones minus their strange breeding habits, etc...

* The [[Far Realm]] of D&D, a place outside creation home to unspeakable madness.

* He might not have invented the dream-world as a separate dimension full of magical wonder, but his dreamland spawned a lot of tropes you've seen elsewhere: the plateau of Leng and the kingdom of the ghouls foremost.

* The Jabberslythe in Warhammer Fantasy (shoggoths, in conjunction with the titular creature from the Lewis Carroll poem "Jabberwocky")

* The concept of [[Chaos]] in both the Warhammer Fantasy and 40,000 settings owes much to his work, in conjunction with [[Michael Moorcock]].

* Magic the Gathering's entire [[Eldrazi]] set, as cheesy as it was, was about the Old Ones awakening.

* The [[Pathfinder]] RPG gets a lot of mileage out of Lovecraftian themes, like the stuff about [[Wat|aboleths creating the human race]], the Vault Keepers, Aucturn the Stranger, and the Dark Tapestry. Eventually, many Mythos figures, including the C'ster himself, made appearances as pants-shittingly dangerous endgame bosses, and their creatures got (mostly pretty good) write-ups as encounter-able monsters. You can even play a Deep One Hybrid or Yaddithian.

* Xoriat, the Realm of Madness, home of the Daelkyr, from the [[Eberron]] setting is pure Lovecraftian horror.

* While [[Genestealers]] originally took their inspiration from the horror movie Alien, their cults are most definitely reminiscent of ''Shadow of Innsmouth'' mixed with the more apocalyptic cults devoted to alien gods. And whence else did Ridley Scott and HR Giger get ''its'' inspiration?

* The lord of nerds and [[just as planned]], the Chaos God [[Tzeentch]] is very reminiscent of some of Lovecraft's strangest creations, most notably Nyarlathotep.

* The C'tan derive some features from Lovecraft's Old Ones, such as being ancient aliens that can warp the fabric of reality (but without the dimension the Warp). The Deceiver, like Tzeentch, also owes a lot to Nyarlathotep, even being a weaker member of its group with a more human-like sadistic personality just like Nyarlathotep.

==See Also==
* The [[Cthulhu Mythos]] and works based on it, including:
** ''[[Call of Cthulhu]]''
** ''[[Trail of Cthulhu]]''
** [[Arkham Horror]]
** [[Delta Green]]
** [[CthulhuTech]]

Other /tg/-relevant sci-fi authors:

* [[H.G. Wells]]
* [[Robert Heinlein]]
* [[Isaac Asimov]]
* [[Arthur C. Clarke]]
* [[Philip K. Dick]]

==References==
# Take this poem of his, for example:

[[/pol/|When, long ago, the gods created Earth
 In Jove's fair image Man was shaped at birth.
 The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;
 Yet were they too remote from humankind.
 To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
 Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.
 A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
 Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger.]]

<s>He also named his cat after the slur as well</s> (much to the Internet's amusement and chagrin). It was his father who was responsible for naming the cat after that slur. Not that he was bothered by this, but the cats that he fed and took care of in Providence were given more appropriate names

==External Links==
*[http://www.hplovecraft.com/ The H.P. Lovecraft Archive]
*[http://www.dagonbytes.com/thelibrary/lovecraft/ Complete Works at Dagonbytes]

[[Category:Writers]]
[[Category:Literature]]
[[Category: Cthulhu Mythos]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:35:33Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

Tzeentch, Change That Believes in You. -Tzeentch presidential campaign poster if Tzeentch ran for president (which is a lie of ommision; Tzeentch runs for every president, every political party and their opposition, and is absolutely running your HOA and local school board.)

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, The Patron God of “Well, actually...”, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, everything ever posted on Twitter by anyone, your politically obsessed uncle’s Facebook profile, all recorded information and all forgotten knowledge, leadership, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, every OS written or yet to be written, the BSOD, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers and other high-functioning psychopaths/sociopaths, hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, canon and “head canon”, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:31:00Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

Tzeentch, Change That Believes in You. -Tzeentch presidential campaign poster if Tzeentch ran for president (which is a lie of ommision; Tzeentch runs for every president, every political party and their opposition, and is absolutely running your HOA and local school board.)

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, everything ever posted on Twitter by anyone, your politically obsessed uncle’s Facebook profile, all recorded information and all forgotten knowledge, leadership, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, every OS written or yet to be written, the BSOD, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers and other high-functioning psychopaths/sociopaths, hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, canon and “head canon”, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:27:15Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

Tzeentch, Change That Believes in You. -Tzeentch presidential campaign poster if Tzeentch ran for president (which is a lie of ommision; Tzeentch runs for every president, every political party and their opposition, and is absolutely running your HOA and local school board.)

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, everything ever posted on Twitter by anyone, your politically obsessed uncle’s Facebook profile, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, all recorded information and all forgotten knowledge, leadership, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, every OS written or yet to be written, the BSOD, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers and other high-functioning psychopaths/sociopaths, hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, canon and “head canon”, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:26:26Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

Tzeentch, Change That Believes in You. -Tzeentch presidential campaign poster if Tzeentch ran for president (which is a lie of ommision; Tzeentch runs for every president, every political party and their opposition, and is absolutely running your HOA and local school board.)

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, everything ever posted on Twitter by anyone, your politically obsessed uncle’s Facebook profile, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, leadership, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, every OS written or yet to be written, the BSOD, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers and other high-functioning psychopaths/sociopaths, hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, canon and “head canon”, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:25:43Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

Tzeentch, Change That Believes in You. -Tzeentch presidential campaign poster if Tzeentch ran for president (which is a lie of ommision; Tzeentch runs for every president, every political party and their opposition, and is absolutely running your HOA and local school board.)

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, everything ever posted on Twitter by anyone, your politically obsessed uncle’s Facebook profile, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, leadership, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, every OS written or yet to be written, the BSOD, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers, high-functioning psychopaths/sociopaths, hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, canon and “head canon”, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:23:22Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

Tzeentch, Change That Believes in You. -Tzeentch presidential campaign poster if Tzeentch ran for president (which is a lie of ommision; Tzeentch runs for every president, every political party and their opposition, and is absolutely running your HOA and local school board.)

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, everything ever posted on Twitter by anyone, your politically obsessed uncle’s Facebook profile, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, leadership, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, every OS written or yet to be written, the BSOD, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a high-functioning psychopath), hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, canon and “head canon”, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:21:01Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

Tzeentch, Change That Believes in You. -Tzeentch presidential campaign poster if Tzeentch ran for president (which is a lie of ommision; Tzeentch runs for every president, every political party and their opposition, and is absolutely running your HOA and local school board.)

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, everything ever posted on Twitter by anyone, your politically obsessed uncle’s Facebook profile, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, leadership, all social media not already mentioned, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a high-functioning psychopath), hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, canon and “head canon”, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:18:37Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

Tzeentch, Change That Believes in You. -Tzeentch presidential campaign poster if Tzeentch ran for president (which is a lie of ommision; Tzeentch runs for every president, every political party and their opposition, and is absolutely running your HOA and local school board.)

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, leadership, social media, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a high-functioning psychopath), hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, canon and “head canon”, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:15:44Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4:

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

Tzeentch, Change That Believes in You. -Tzeentch presidential campaign poster if Tzeentch ran for president (which is a lie of ommision; Tzeentch runs for every president, every political party and their opposition, and is absolutely running your HOA and local school board.)

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, leadership, social media, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a high-functioning psychopath), hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:15:09Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4:

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

Tzeentch, Change That Believes in You (you poor bastard). -Tzeentch presidential campaign poster if Tzeentch ran for president (which is a lie of ommision; Tzeentch runs for every president, every political party and their opposition, and is absolutely running your HOA and local school board.)

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, leadership, social media, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a high-functioning psychopath), hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:05:06Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, leadership, social media, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a high-functioning psychopath), hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:02:02Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, leadership, social media, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a High-Functioning Psychopath), hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T12:00:59Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, leadership, social media, any smartphone platform like apple, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a High-Functioning Psychopath), hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T11:58:17Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavelli, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, Leadership, social media, any smartphone platform like apple, Supervillain Geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], Lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a High-Functioning Psychopath), Hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T11:57:36Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, Ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavelli, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, Leadership, social media, any smartphone platform like apple, Supervillain Geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], Lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a High-Functioning Psychopath), Hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Tzeentch

2021-09-22T11:56:36Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Introduction */

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! Best believe Tzeentch's ass is getting <s>sued</s> pounded. JUST. AS. PLANNED.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, Terror of Tumblr or Pinterest, [[Star Trek|Q]]), The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, and 9933 other names''' is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, Ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavelli, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, possibly all recorded information, Leadership, social media, any smartphone platform like apple, Supervillain Geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], Lawyers (despite being the closest Chaos God who matches the profile of a High-Functioning Psychopath), Hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a real world time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He is also worshipped by the [[Cathay]] as their state religion.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the citadel of brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because DoomGuy told him it would further Their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving DoomGuy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|earth invasion plan]]. the fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> First contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was DoomGuy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:MrTzeentch.jpg|The Avatar of Change.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Perpetual

2021-09-22T11:38:31Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* Ollanius Pius, AKA Oll Persson (Old Person...seriously? Fucking really, Abnett? Really swung for the fences with that one, didn’t you?) */

[[File:OllPious.jpg|350px|right|thumb|Ollanius Pius, the most famous Perpetual, the man, the myth, the legend.]]
{{topquote|I just want a normal life." "My friend, you will have as many of those as you wish.|The beings who would one day be [[Ollanius Pius]] and the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]]}}

A '''Perpetual''' (''Homo Superior'') is a person of [[40k|the grim darkness of the 41st millennium]] who drew the absolutely shortest straw possible: they are immortal (because [[Dan Abnett]] must REALLY love Highlander and can’t let it go.) And nothing of this "age without youth" or "immortality without indestructibility" bullshit: they do not age (after some point in adulthood that isn't clear but seems to be the mid-to-late 30s or early 40s, maybe [[Alivia Sureka|earlier]] or maybe [[Ollanius Pius|later]]) and can survive the most gruesome deaths imaginable up to and including taking an [[Exterminatus]] to the face because they can reassemble themselves from their constituent atoms. [[/co/|They're like Wolverine on steroids like that]]. And before you suggest throwing them into a sun or launching them out into space, two perpetuals were spaced and just reassembled someplace that was habitable. Which, given [[Grimdark|the relentless sunshine of the Warhammer 40.000 universe is NOT a good thing: not even death will relieve your suffering.]] There are only a [[Sly Marbo|few things]] said to be able to kill a Perpetual for good, but these powers and weapons are known to only a few individuals in the galaxy (and even then it's not known for certain how effective they are, or if they even work). Very little is known about the Perpetuals including their origin (but given the fact that Ollanius Persson was around as far back as the time of Greek myth, they've undoubtedly been around for ages), number, purpose or even if those suspected to be them actually being Perpetuals (all that we know is that during the Horus Heresy, there were exactly 3 Perpetuals living in Ultramar; given that Ultramar consisted of 500 planets at the time, we have to assume that they're extraordinarily rare). Of only eight individuals is the status of Perpetual known or confirmed. Another foible they have is their very existence fucks up farseeing to a considerable degree, which lead Eldrad to kill off as many of them as possible to try and find a way to avoid Chaos winning overall.

We do however know, that people could be turned Perpetual by being resurrected. Which, ironically, might imply that [[Kharn]] and [[Lucius]] at some point became Perpetual too, since they've both came back from dead. It'll explain how Kharn managed to survive for that long despite his suicidal psychotic charges into everything he sees, and how Lucius resurrected without possessing anyone's body after first being outfought by Nykona Sharrowkyn of the [[Raven Guard]], and then subsequently being cut to pieces by an emotionless [[Rubric Marine|Rubric Swordmaster]] (who in any case no longer had a body to possess either).

Recent fluff has revealed that the universe itself (or is it just the Eldar? Assholes that they are.) isn't too keen on Perpetuals as their very existence is a spanner in its gears, because <s>[[meme|people should die when they are killed]]</s> each of their revivals end up fucking farseeing over and altering causality. In order to try and find alternatives to the Cabal's plan of letting humanity die to kill Chaos, Eldrad went on a galaxy wide murder tour bumping off other Perpetuals and members of the Cabal, a choice he deeply regretted when he tried farseeing and saw what the future would eventually hold. It also turns out they're capable of resisting daemonic possession, partly due to any warp entity inhabiting their soul gets fucked up when they die (and then come back). It's still implied to be horrifically traumatic but it explains how both Alivia Sureka and Anval Thawn were able to resist.

==Predating the [[Great Crusade]]==

===The Emperor===
A great many of the mysteries surrounding the Emperor would be explained if he was a Perpetual: his age, his knowledge in an era where everyone else on [[Terra]] was too busy [[LARP]]ing a crossover of [[Terminator]] and [[Fist of the North Star]] to learn shit and his massive power (learned over time). On the other hand it would not explain why he didn't just regenerate after his duel with [[Horus]] on the ''Vengeful Spirit''. The best explanation for this (besides Horus being able to injure the Emperor permanently through being the virtual avatar of all four [[Chaos Gods]]) is that the Golden Throne, while maintaining his life functions, is also keeping him from resurrecting himself- in theory, if it was shut down, the only real effect it would have is that the Emperor would "die" for a day or two at most before fully healing from his injuries. A shame that nobody seems to realize this, as it would end most of the Imperium's problems on the spot at the expense of leaving Terra defenseless to being raped, both literally and figuratively, by hordes upon hordes of daemons, even if for a couple days. ''(That's assuming he doesn't turn into a real god the moment he "dies" and use his new god-like powers to seal the broken portal)''. Though it would create some new problems, as quite a few people wouldn't be happy with the return of the original [[Imperial Truth]], especially the Ecclesiarchy. Of course, knowing the Emperor he'd crush them like bugs if they tried to oppose him, or even if they didn't. There is no way he would agree with the current Imperium.

Recent revelations from the Horus Heresy books also suggest that his godlike powers were actually stolen from the Chaos Gods themselves instead of being wholly his own. Needless to say, the Ruinous Powers still have a grudge.
*'''Note''': This is what the Chaos Gods told Horus (since the initial Horus Heresy trilogy, though ''Vengeful Spirit'' had them stick with the story), and we all know how trustworthy they are. Not to mention that this "explanation" is precisely what Horus himself wanted to hear. The most plausible explanation is that Emperor either tried to destroy them but failed or he infiltrated their compound to learn the secrets of the warp so he could divide fragments of his souls and make Primarchs from them. Or possibly, the original "gods" in the portal may also have been referring to Eldar pantheon (or what remains of it), who may have given the Emperor his powers, and possibly an easy way back home (via the webway) since the Emperor didn't need a ship to get back home.

Recent fluff from 7e suggests that the Golden Throne is not a life-support, but a pain engine, better than any DE Haemonculus could possibly dream of, sapping his strength to keep the seal intact, and that [[Malcador the Sigillite|Malcador]], also stated by Erda and Jaghatai Khan to be a Perpetual, crumbled into dust without resurrection after several hours. Apparently, it damages the soul itself, and even with his psychic gestalt status and powers stolen/bargained from Chaos Gods it has taken a heavy toll on the Emperor.

Welp, as of October of 2018, any ambiguity as to whether or not the Emperor is a perpetual has since been removed, with GW itself stating it outright in an FAQ post. And as of 2020, with the release of ''Saturnine'' in the ''Siege of Terra'' series... Well... While it too makes it damn clear that Big-E's status as a perpetual is confirmed, it does so in a way that raises a metric fuckton of further questions.

===[[Malcador]]===

The Emperor's right-hand man is confirmed to be a Perpetual himself. He claims to be over 6700 years old by the time of the Horus Heresy. Despite being a Perpetual, he manages to die twice during the Siege of Terra. First, Magnus accidentally barbecues him while throwing a psychic tantrum in the Hall of Leng deep beneath the Imperial Palace. Alivia Sureka (see below) sacrifices her own Perpetuality to resurrect him. His second and final death, as we all know, comes from taking the Emperor's place on the Golden Throne so that Big E could go deliver the mother of all bitchslaps to his wayward son.

===[[Erda]]===
<strike>Big E's waifu, mom to the primarchs</strike> Erebus 2: Menopause Boogaloo. A female Perpetual who donated her egg cells and genetic expertise to the Primarch Project, making her their mother minus a lot of her genes. It turns out that ''she'', not Horus or Argel Tal being sent back in time by the Chaos Gods, scattered the Primarchs. What a TWEEST! The Emperor was of course [[Rage|slightly cross]] about this, so Erda fucked off to live quietly in the deserts of Afrik with a specially designed Space Marine bodyguard. Her ultimate fate remains unknown.

(The Valdor novel states that Chaos energy was detected in the room signifying that the Chaos Gods were still involved in the scattering of the Primarchs. It's possible that what Erda did was to disturb the wards around the primarchs' gestation capsules, which let the Chaos gods snatch them up.)

===[[Ollanius Pius]], AKA Oll Persson (Old Person...seriously? Fucking really, Abnett? Truly swung for the fences with that one, didn’t you?)===
A confirmed Perpetual. By the time of the [[Horus Heresy]], Ollanius reckons his age to be around 45,000 ''(give or take)'' and he is fully aware of the connection between the Imperial and the Gregorian calendars, putting his birth at around 15,000BC (or in layman's terms, somewhere in the latter half of the Stone Age) in Biblical Nineveh. [[Ollanius Pius|Oll Persson]] is quite reasonably older than the Emperor, considering that big Emps was born in Anatolia around 8000BC. At some point in time he became a Christian, and maintained his faith until, well, forever. Even once the word "Catholic" was somehow corrupted into "Catheric." This has interesting [[Ollanius Pius#Religion|implications]] given his service to the atheistic Empire of Terra.

He was one of the Argonauts of Greek myth and fought at Austerlitz (described as Napoleon's greatest victory) and Verdun (infamous as one of the bloodiest battles in all of World War I, which is saying something), as well as the First Gulf War, implied to have been [[Team_Yankee#Iraq.2FSyria|fighting on the side of Saddam Hussein]]. In fact, in all of the [[Ollanius Pius#The Eternal Infantryman|references to his military history]], which is extensive—having been apparently a soldier in all his ''documented'' lives, if not all of them, period—it's also implied that he tends to fight on the losing side, or even exclusively has, whether as some sort of curse or by some sort of design. It also explains how he managed to survive boarding Horus' flagship during the [[Siege of Terra]]. It is unknown if Horus actually managed to kill him: while [[Chaos|CHAOS]] [[Dakka|MINDBULLETS]] certainly sound like they could do the trick it still is quite possible that [[Troll|he reassembled himself and walked off, not giving a fuck.]] A man with true balls of steel, especially as it's implied that he's never died once in his whole lifetime (at least until Calth), and most of the time he has come back and back again to fight wars in the (literal at times) trenches. He does not want to be bothered one single fuck with John Grammaticus or the Cabal, but gets suckered in to galaxy saving adventures once and again. Such is the lot of a Perpetual.

At some point in Earth's early history, he also served as the Emperor's first-ever Warmaster, but this ended badly during a war in East Phoenicia. They defeated a cult which had been building a tower [the literal fucking Tower of Babel] that contained a complete lexicon for Enuncia, the weird transcendent language that fucks reality sideways when spoken and which is capable of causing permanent [meaning it isn't fixed once back in the warp] damage to daemons; what this editor henceforth refers to as "Space Thu'um". Ollanius wanted to destroy the tower, regarding Enuncia as an existential threat, but the Emperor wanted to preserve it as a doomsday weapon, and/or a repository of knowledge for their own use. Oll expressed his concern with this decision by shanking the Emperor and wrecking the tower before then running away... By Christ, this is a flashback where nobody comes out looking pretty.

====St. Ollanius Pius: Old Lore and New====
Before Perpetuals were introduced in the [[Horus Heresy]] novels, specifically in ''Legion'' by Dan Abnett, and more on Ollanius is elaborated in the some particularly good stories by Abnett set on Calth stories, especially ''Know no Fear'' and ''Unmarked'' (a short story anthologized in ''The Mark of Calth''), St. Ollanius Pius was just a regular old balls-of-steel Guardsman whose balls turned to adamantium as he threw himself in front of his emperor during the most epic duel of all time, and thus was sanctified in lore and the Imperial cult from then on down. He was later revealed to be a Perpetual, in a [[skub|somewhat controversial]] change. From the point of view of the average Imperial citizen, or indeed, in fact just about anyone perhaps save the Emperor himself, he was that adamantium-testicled Guardsman and remains that holy Saint who is highly revered by the Imperium (the highest decoration in the [[Imperial Guard]], for instance, is named for him.) In fact, of course, he may still be wandering around, probably from what we all know trying to live this all down modestly. Ollanius, no doubt, would prefer the ambiguity as to whether his existence was utterly obliterated in the [[Rip and Tear|horrendous space kablooie]] surrounding the duel between the Emperor and Horus to remain as such. Although, in ''Fury of Magnus'', Magnus was able to permanently kill a Perpetual via the power of sorcery and plot convenience [though it '''STILL''' didn't quite stick], which perhaps makes it more doubtful that Olly is still alive. But ''Fury of Magnus'', while an enjoyable read, poses so many questions and contrived plot points, while answering so few of them, that attempting to deduce any larger implications from it is hardly a sturdy prospect.

===John Grammaticus===
Former officer of the Emperor's armies during the [[Unification Wars]] on Terra and later agent of [[the Cabal]] and a lesser [[psyker]]; [[Perpetual#John Grammaticus|John Grammaticus]] [[meme|<strike>WHO WAS GORDON GRAMMATICUS' BROTHER WAS ONE DAY AT AN OFFICE TYPING ON A COMPUTOR</strike>]] is an interesting case: after he died at Anatol [[Hive]], an [[Eldar]] [[Autarch]] called Slau Dha found his body and made him into a Perpetual. This signaled that it is possible for humans to become Perpetuals; or, Slau Dha was the equivalent of Ramirez and John was Connor MacLeod from Highlander. If this were the case this would make John and Slau Dha at least eight times more [[awesome]]. Grammaticus' skills gained over the course of a millennium of life were instrumental for recruiting [[Alpharius]] to the cause of the Cabal, but he felt bad about this and stepped out of an airlock in the faint hope that it would kill him. (It did, but then he just came back to life again). After the [[Drop Site Massacre]], he spent some time digging up an old relic spear that was actually made from cast-off lightning of the Emperor's divinity, reputed to be able to kill anything, even other immortals. After the apparent failure of the "Alpharius Gambit" ''(two choices, two primarchs, go figure)'' the Cabal had intended to use it to stop Vulkan from reaching Terra and interfering with their future plans. Unfortunately such a powerful relic made Grammaticus into a big giant target, and he ended up getting captured, killed and recaptured by the [[Word Bearers]] and the Shattered Legions before eventually finding his way to [[Macragge]].

On the way he was contacted psychically by [[Eldrad|this dick]] who told him that he could strike back at the Cabal by stabbing Vulkan himself, since if [[derp|another immortal did it it would work differently]], and in this case it would somehow heal the primarch who was mentally broken after years of torture by [[Konrad Curze]]. Because of reasons. So after seeking Vulkan out on Macragge he stabbed him, investing his own immortality into the strike, and sucking it out of himself and making him mortal... also apparently killing Vulkan properly this time and therefore doing what the Cabal wanted in the first place. Also at some point during the invasion of Calth he found Oll Persson and tried to recruit him to the cause, though that didn't go too well as he was only half-hearted in his attempts anyway, plus Oll couldn't be bothered. He was mindwiped after the Vulkan thing, but Eldrad restored his memories and asked him to make sure Oll reached Terra.

===Damon Prytanis===
[[X-Files|Alex Krycek]] in space. Another agent of the Cabal, though unlike John Grammaticus, Damon was more of a soldier/assassin than a spy and got all the killy jobs. It is heavily implied that he was the one who killed Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy, as well as other important figures throughout human history. No, really. The novels specifically mention he was responsible for the death of "the good man in Memphis" and "the brother in the City of Angels".

He was apparently more comfortable with his position in the Cabal, even though it meant working against his own species, as seen during his meetings with John Grammaticus, which made him more trustworthy in the eyes of the Cabal. During John's last mission Damon was sent to watch over him and make sure that he didn't falter or chicken out and try to derail their plans. Though he sort of failed to contain Grammaticus, he does kill Vulkan once, shredding him with a pair of shuriken pistols, but it's worth noting the primarch was already pretty shattered after having died a couple of times by that point.

He was the individual who brought Cyrene Valantion into the Cabal's fold, having to die once or twice on board the Word Bearers' starship just to prove a point to her. He's now definitely dead for real after Barthusa Narek shot him in the head with a fulgurite round at point blank.

===[[Alivia Sureka]]===
Another female Perpetual and empathic psyker. Unlike most of the others though she has no apparent connection to the Cabal at all, and in fact is much more closely linked to the Emperor. She had traveled with Him and undisclosed "others" to the planet Molech where the Emperor somehow travelled directly into the Warp and stole portions of the Chaos Gods' powers (or so the Chaos Gods claim).

She was left behind on Molech to guard the gateway to stop anyone else from passing through and doing the same thing. Which apparently she did dutifully for a few thousand years... meaning that she is the only other Perpetual in the Emperor's peer group who is actually loyal to him at the time of the Crusade. When the Great Crusade arrived on the planet, the Emperor fortified the shit out of it, leaving detachments of [[Blood Angels]], [[Ultramarines]], [[Imperial Knight]]s, [[Titans]] and [[Imperial Guard|Imperial Army]] to guard the gate. This made her somewhat redundant, so she just settled down and got married. At least until [[Horus]] arrived during the Heresy and laid waste to most of the Imperial forces in a bid to follow in his father's footsteps and take the same power for himself. Alivia tried to seal the portal, but wound up getting killed before she could complete the ritual. She resurrected, escaped Molech, and headed for Terra with her adopted daughters.

Humorously, Alivia has several affectations brought over from the third millennium; she has a tendency to use "modern-day" phrases such as "Okay", which do not actually exist in the 31st millennium. She also carries around a book of Hans Christian Andersen stories ''(probably one of the most priceless artifacts in the Imperium, if anyone knew what it was)'' which she reads to her adopted children.

She is now definitely dead, having pulled a Grammaticus and sacrificed her Perpetuality to resurrect Malcador after he was killed by Magnus during the Siege of Terra. This is a shame, as she was probably one of the smartest, toughest, and most well-adjusted people in the Imperium.

==Surfaced during and after the Great Crusade==

===Vulkan===
Like his dad, [[Vulkan]] of the [[Salamanders]] was a confirmed Perpetual. This was put to the ultimate test by none other than <s>[[Konrad Curze|the goddamn Night Haunter himself]]</s> [[Konrad Curze|the little emo goth kid on super-steroids]], who captured Vulkan during the Drop Site Massacre and proceeded to perform the [[Daemonculaba|most depraved tortures and murders on the Lord of the Salamanders in an attempt to break his will]], [[/d/|and had to invent several new ones just for the occasion]]. Whether he was [[Grimdark|shot with bolters at point-blank range, cut apart, decapitated, eviscerated, impaled, dismembered, evaporated, getting his throat torn out with a rusty fork, being quite literally mindfucked, or being tossed naked into an active warp drive]], Vulkan would neither break nor stay dead, [[Rage|pissing Curze right the fuck off]]. Eventually, Curze locked him in a maze courtesy of [[Perturabo]] where he would hunt Vulkan himself. Curze's mistake was to place Dawnbringer at the center of the maze. When Vulkan got to his hammer, [[Awesome|he proceeded to hand Curze a helping of it straight to the face]], then [[Just as planned|he activated a built-in teleporter that sent him right over to]] [[Macragge]] where he promptly burned up in the atmosphere like a human meteor, killing him again in the process.

Here things get complicated: Vulkan regenerated on Macragge but lost his mind, so Guilliman kept him locked up until he could figure out what to do with him, even concealing his presence when the Lion arrived. However, when [[Konrad Curze]] arrived on Macragge after stowing away on the Lion's flagship, Vulkan escaped in a moment of lucidity and tore his way across the planet (while naked) hunting Curze down and almost defeating him in a one-on-one duel. Shortly afterwards John Grammaticus found the broken primarch and stabbed him with the fulgurite, a stone spearhead charged with the psychic essence of the Emperor himself. He could not regenerate from this and neither [[Roboute Guilliman]], [[Sanguinius]], nor [[Lion El'Jonson]] could remove the spear from their brother's chest. Given that he was sent back to [[Nocturne]] for burial, we are forced to assume that his casket included a long tube-shaped appendage at least several feet long sticking out at an unusual angle, making this (while [[Grimdark|tragic)]] at least [[Khorne|eight]] times [[Lulz|more amusing]] (assuming that he was ever stabbed in the first place[though it was only the head of a spear not the shaft itself]).

Guilliman was hopeful that Vulkan would resurrect himself in time and insisted that the coffin was a preservation capsule, which Guilliman dubbed "The Unbound Flame". Some Salamanders who maintained a vigil of mourning thought they could hear a heartbeat. After an even more convoluted series of events surrounding the return of Vulkan's remains to Nocturne, the Primarch was found alive and well once more, which is even more confusing given that the fulgurite, which was supposed to kill him permanently, was still sticking out of his chest at the time of his entombment.

What raises an interesting question in Vulkan's case is regarding the source of his powers. If it was given to him by the Emperor, it begs the question why the Emperor did not give all of his sons this ability (though it sort of answers itself with the thought of [[Angron]] becoming the [[Juggernaut]] (bitch!). If it was not the case, it would suggest that the Perpetual trait can be passed down one's bloodline, or at least transferred by cloning. Big E certainly ''knew'' that Vulkan was immortal and depended on that fact in order to get him to bring the Talisman of Seven Hammers back to Terra. This couldn't have been the Emperor's "ultimate plan" for Vulkan, and seems more of a last ditch contingency considering how badly the Golden Throne got fucked over by Magnus; if he had planned to put a self-destruct on it all along, he probably could/should have done it before he got stuck sitting on it. (Granted it is implied that Artellus Numeleon's sacrifice brought back Vulan from his permanent death. The first but not the last time Human sacrifice is used to bring back Perpetuals from certain death)

The Emperor also told Vulkan plainly that his son's "humanity" was his single greatest trait and also his proudest achievement, and that he hoped that Vulkan would eventually teach it to his brothers. Certainly Vulkan was probably the nicest of the Primarchs and as such would probably have been the best bet for an undying son, especially if you were relying on him to tone down the more [[Rip and Tear|extreme]] traits of his brothers after the Great Crusade was finished. When Empy was looking over the petri dishes for which one to add the immortality to he had to choose between (in order): [[Lion El'Jonson|a two faced jerk]], [[Primarch#Two_Missing_Primarchs|a [RECORDS LOST]]], [[Fulgrim|a preening egotistical asshole]], [[Perturabo|a genocidal maniac with poor impulse control]], [[Jaghatai Khan|Genghis Khan]], [[Leman Russ|a dick with a furry fetish]], [[Rogal Dorn|a stubborn joyless masochist]], [[Konrad Curze|a psychopath serial killer who uses terror as a weapon]], [[Sanguinius|a guy with a terrible terrible secret]], [[Ferrus Manus|a nerd who'd rather be talking to a toaster]], [[Primarch#Two_Missing_Primarchs|a [RECORDS LOST]]], [[Angron|an explosively violent psychopath]], [[Roboute Guilliman|a patrician jerk with a heart of gold]], [[Mortarion|a bitter aspie psychopath]], [[Magnus the Red|a massively powerful arrogant psyker who can't take orders]], [[Horus|a spoiled egomaniac]], [[Lorgar|a petulant zealot with a pathological daddy complex]], [[Corvus Corax|an emo bird]], and [[Alpharius|two people obsessed with]] [[Omegon|secrets and lies]]. On the other hand, a lot of those traits were nurture rather then purely nature. Even so, if he did do it deliberately, he [[Just as Planned|made a decent choice]].

===Dalia Cythera===
Dalia Cythera is a former Administratum Transcriber and a latent psyker during the Great Crusade/Horus Heresy (specifically during the [https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Schism_of_Mars Death of Innocence]). While she was at one point at risk of [[Blam| unemployment]] due to her insatiable desire to learn and actually read the tomes she transcribed, she was soon protected by [https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Koriel_Zeth Adept Koriel Zeth] and delivered to Magma City, her forge on Mars. Dalia has three wow factors going for her: one, she was somehow not a braindead thrall after all that indoctrination; two, she possessed an eidetic memory and could read noospheric data without augments due to her latent psyker abilities; and three, she had a connection to [[Mag%27ladroth| a cold dark thing]] that gave her bad dreams and intuitive knowledge about technology.

Zeth involved her in the development of the Akashic Reader, her pet project to tap into the the sum of all knowledge, which was the hypothesized source of Dalia's ability. Using an array of a thousand sanctioned psykers as a surge protector and another, Jonas, strapped into a gold throne-like device (the Akashic Reader), the plan was to siphon the energy needed to pierce into the [[Warp| aether]] from the Astronomican, shove Jonas' perceptions into the Akashic Records and somehow get that fool enough paper to jot it all down for them before his brain liquefied. Dalia forgot the first rule of engineering which is to overengineer (not helped by faulty data and assumptions on her part); naturally it went tits up, but [[Warp| it would have anyways]].

Such a feat would <s>potentially help humanity regain all its lost knowledge and free itself from the shackles of ignorance, dogma, and superstition</s> have been a great leap forward for a rapidly booming age of technology in this wonderful time of development and progress! Unfortunately, the project was utterly annihilated during the Martian Schism due to [[waifu| Koriel Zeth's]] last stand, in which she chose slagging the entire forge city to keep Kelbor-Hal's slimy mitts off over allowing the Dark Mechanicum to plunder the miraculous technologies she had uncovered. Absolutely everything was reclaimed by magma, [[Grimdark|resulting in Mankind's last hope for a golden future dying in hellfire]].

Meanwhile, Dalia and friends are off on a merry adventure to seek out that thing that's calling her out to join it in the void ofthe Noctis Labyrinth. They meet some jolly characters along the way like [https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Kaban_Machine Kaban-chan] and later Semyon, just a normal unaugmented 10,000 year old dude with a pet servitor living at the bottom of a pitch black chasm. Dalia could relate, having a pet Protector of her own, Rho-Mu 31. Semyon was blessed by the Emperor himself to fulfil the role of 'Guardian of the Dragon,' protector of secrets and warden. Semyon talks about how he is 'running out of time' which implies that Dalia's Perpetuity either has a time limit of 10,000 years, or will begin to wane when her replacement is found. It is clarified that it wasn't the Void Dragon initiating, turns out it was [[The_God-Emperor_of_Mankind| Big E]] all along (at least in part)!

Dalia is The Chosen One (plus her pet too I guess), and is destined to [[Irony| rot in a hole where her innate abilities will be absolutely useless to everyone]]. Her job duties include somehow keeping folks from releasing the Dragon of Mars, and thwarting any attempts to steal a tome, which makes sure to [[FAIL|explicitly impart the lesson that the Dragon was put on Mars so jerkoffs would make whatever wacky shit it dreamed about in captivity later, without any of the requisite explanations of why he made the book explicitly impart such a damaging secret, so that's not bad or anything]]. As soon as Semyon passes his Perpetual status to Dalia he and his servitor go the way of [[Malcador_the_Sigillite| Malcador]], dust in the wind.

Come the present day, it's unclear whether or not she's still around, though as the end of the novel implies that one of her friends swiped the book containing the biggest lie on Mars and it's explicitly stated that her successor as Guardian of the Dragon is on the way, her chances of surviving into the age of the Great Rift seem slim in the extreme.

===Anval Thawn===
Justicar [[Anval Thawn]] of the [[Grey Knights]] is the biggest mystery of them all. All that is known is that he can walk away from the most gruesome [[Daemon]]-inflicted deaths one can imagine, much to the chagrin of his brothers and bewilderment of the Brotherhood's [[Librarian]]s. It also begs the question of why him being a Perpetual was not detected during his induction into the Grey Knights, [[Gene-seed|either during the tests or abnormal recovery from the involved surgeries or the speed at which he accepted the nineteen organs]]. Perhaps the Perpetualness is undetectable by normal science or it manifests after a person's first death (much like in Highlander or the [[Planeswalker]] spark of [[Magic: The Gathering]]). Another option is that he might be Ollanius Pius or John Grammaticus, who were tired of dicking around for another 10.000 years and wanted a shot at becoming a [[Space Marine]]. And an even better question is how the fuck the [[Eldar]] were able to recognize him for what he was after only a short period of interaction with them.

===Cyrene Valantion===
Cyrene Valantion was a common woman from Khur, a planet conquered by the Word Bearers during the Great Crusade, until the [[Ultramarines]] blew her home city of Monarchia to ashes to send a "Stop Worshipping Me!" message from the [[Emperor|Big E]] to [[Lorgar]]. Since the smurfs weren't complete assholes they evacuated all civilians first (only [[blam|BLAMing]] those who didn't want to in the process). Well, except Cyrene and a couple (hundred) of others. She decided to stay out of the city borders and watch as the orbital bombardment erased her home. Apparently watching an entire city being nuked was not the best decision, since she lost her eyes and almost died due to the extreme flash of light and from radiation burns. When the [[Word Bearers]] arrived they rescued her and figured that she was the only surviving witness of their punishment, because smurfs couldn't be bothered helping civilians whose city they just destroyed. This turned her into some kind of saint in their eyes, so they offered her a position of Confessor/Holy Relic, aka "The Blessed Lady" in their fleet. During the few decades of her service to the Word Bearers she became close to [[Argel Tal]] and guided him on his path to becoming the first [[Possessed Marine]] and overall awesome guy who kills loyalists and doesn't afraid of anything. Everything was fine and dandy until the Heresy, when during the Drop Site Massacre she got herself killed by some Custodes assholes <s>for just being in their way</s> [[FATAL|who thought they'd have an easier way ''obtaining'' answers out of her than from any Word Bearer]]. Needless to say Argel Tal cried manly tears of rage over her corpse and swore revenge on the Custodes, which he delivered just a few hours later, butchering them all amidst the ashes of Istvaan V.

Fast forward one year to [[Erebus]] resurrecting her to facilitate his machinations with Argel Tal, because he's a dick. Mind you, while she was dead for a year, [[Grimdark|he had her soul torn apart and eaten by multiple daemons]], whom Erebus "persuaded" to give the pieces back. Being the badass she was, Cyrene recovered from the shock of being mutilated and tormented in hell surprisingly fast, until the battle for Nuceria, wherein her ship was blown up and she got rescued by none other than Damon Prytanis who told her that being resurrected had turned her into a Perpetual. And then... cliffhanger. During the Siege of Terra, she may have resurfaced as a blind seer named Actaea associated with Damon Prytanis and Alpharius. Actaea claimed to be part of Cyrene Valantion's cult in the Word Bearers, but Zardu Layak did some digging and found that no record of her existed. In the modern era, she's probably Moriana, the Chaos Seer, though. She wouldn't even be the only Chaos-tainted person Malcador recruited.

===Joaqhuine Desdemondra===
Joaqhuine Desdemondra is a Living Saint and a secret lover of Inquisitor Bronislaw Czevak. Formerly a blood-drinking Death Cult assassin from the Path Incarnadine, she was an associate of Czevak. Other names she was known as include Saint Joaqhuine the Renascent - Living Saint of the Imperial Creed, or The Idolatress. She was identified as a form of immortal called a Reanimate upon being introduced in the "Atlas Infernal" novel. Unfortunately for her, she was later captured by Ahriman and was tortured repeatedly by being incinerated to death in front of Czevak in order to break the mental wards placed on his mind so Ahriman can extract knowledge about the Black Library from him. While Czevak was later taken from Ahriman's hands, she remained in captivity. Which is a point of motivation for Bronislav to confront Ahriman again.

{{Imperium}}
[[Category:Space Marines]]

Your Dudes

2021-09-22T11:36:41Z

2605:A601:AF65:4300:BD14:4A27:DB12:6CC4: /* See also */

One day a bunch of anons were complaining about the status quo and asking why GeeDubs wasn't [[Advancing the Storyline]]. This article follows another anon's legendary answer explaining what the other anons hadn't understood the storyline was even for and why 40k was awesome.

{{greentext|It just seems like there's never any lasting damage done when shit hits the fan. Yeah, that one planet in [[Ultramar]] got OM NOM NOMMED by the [[Tyranids|'Nids]], but we don't have a stake in anyone who died during the Wars.}}

{{greentext|I dunno, I guess I just want shit to happen to somebody and for it to STICK. Like, if [[Marneus Calgar|Calgar]] got OMGFUCKED by the 'Nids or something, he'd end up in a [[Dreadnought]]. Just little changes to show that the major factions aren't static.}}

Here is what [[Warhammer 40,000 | 40K]] is about. Are you ready? Write this down, because it is important.

'''40K/Fantasy/AoS is about your own group of soldiers.'''

I don't care what faction you play or what lists you use. I don't care if you're an existing unit or you make up your own. 40k is about your dudes. It is about YOUR GUYS.

Let me tell you a story about one Erasmus Tycho:

[[Erasmus Tycho]] was a [[Blood Angels]] captain in an early after-action report in [[White Dwarf]]. At one point he got KOed by a Weirdboy's psychic blast. This was fluffed as him being severely injured, and that affected his characterization and what would become of him. In-game events were strung together and then logically connected to a potential story - an EMERGENT story based on the guided events of the gameplay.

Do you see what that is? ''THAT IS AN EVOLVING STORY. THAT IS THE KIND OF THING YOU CAN DO WITH '' '''YOUR GUYS'''. You can give your dudes names and grow attached to them in the same way that you can with [[X-Com|X-COM]] or Final Fantasy Tactics or any other game where you have generic dudes.

Hell, if you played [[Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate|Chaos Gate]], that was basically the game! The last time someone played it for /tg/, there was a dude named APEMANTUS who was badass (based on in-game events), was killed (as an in-game event), and was brought back as a dreadnought (a stretch of the imagination that was connected to in-game events).

That's the kind of stuff 40k should be about. Evolving stories based on what you did, and how a battle went. It's what [[Necromunda]] does, it's what [[Mordheim]] does, and it's what every strategy game ought to do.

Don't worry about "the [[fluff]]". The fluff is background material. It exists to provide context for your own story. Worrying about fluff is like worrying about [[Drizzt]] and [[Elminster]] in the [[Forgotten Realms]] - it shouldn't be about them, it should be about your party. The same thing applies to 40k. Become the change you want. [[Just as planned]].

== See also ==

*[[Advancing the Storyline]]
*[[Kill Team (Specialist Game)]] - Though usually regarded as a game mode to play smaller games rather than a full-blown battle, Kill Team allows for stories more based around '''Your Dudes'''.
When you only have a handful of soldiers on the table, it's easier to make them unique in both looks and background. Furthermore, the official game allows you to make three models "specialists", who have extra abilities alongside their normal loadout, which can be an endless source of '''Your Dudes'''-like inspiration for modelling and story-writing. Heralds of Ruin also has their own Kill Team game, which tend to become something akin to [[Mordheim]] or [[Necromunda]] when playing Campaign. It even allows for personal Hero characters!
*Crusade rules system in 9th edition lets your models gain strength over time -including lost relics and treasures, strategic assets, battle scars which can affect stats, and battle honours. A wounded marine might even have to be placed in a dreadnought to save his life, or drink too deeply from the warp and become a Chaos Spa-hahaha...you thought I was gonna say-[[Chaos Spawn|aaaargshrdrguhujlorthl!]]

== External Links ==

* [https://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/14029748/#14031731 The archived thread containing these posts.]

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]