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Slaanesh

2023-01-08T06:58:42Z

2607:FB91:3F1E:D6BE:9331:C177:D3B0:1B1A: /* Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition */

[[File:Slaanesh_mark.png|center]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
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{{sick|The hermaphrodite god/goddess of rape who wants to eat everyone's souls and rape them forever.}}

[[Image:Slaanesh_by_baklaher-d7dvohn.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Slaanesh... tempting you to join a [[rape|party which you will never forget...]] [[Rule 34|also now in even more NSFW!]]]]

'''''PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! - The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in'''''

{{Topquote|Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.|Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show}}

{{Topquote|Blood does more than turn me on, it makes me cum. And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it. The taste of hot, freshly killed blood... Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth are my politics! Filth is my life! Take whatever you like.|Divine, Pink Flamingoes, seen here showing fealty to [[Khorne]], [[Nurgle]], and Slaanesh, while also making [[Tzeentch]] feel sad due to lack of attention}}

{{Topquote|OO! KINKY!|Austin Powers}}

==Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition==
[[Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|thumb|500px|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated.] Wait, one whip is held in the hand and the other is held in the...]]
Behold '''Slaanesh''', also known as '''Shaarnor''' (to [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Elves and some humans]]), '''Shornaal''' (to [[Warriors of Chaos|humans and some Elves]]), '''She Who Thirsts, The Dark Prince, the Lord of Excess, Leviathan, Lord of the Labyrinth, Big Tiddy Goth Prince, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, The Sweet Transvestite, The Lusty Argonian Maid, the Colossal Pervert, Creator of Rule 34''', '''the Ultimate Trap''', '''the Transgender Trashgirl''', '''[[If_the_Emperor_had_a_Text-to-Speech_Device|Xenololi Futanari Vore Garbage]]''', '''the Trap God''', '''Mega-Mommy Milkies''', '''the Maker of [[Eldar|Knife-Ear]] Fleshlights''', [[Cornholio the Cultist|'''Tiddycaca''']], '''Never Went to Rehab''', '''Slut4Evar''', '''[[Fall of the Eldar|the]]''' '''''[[Erebus|Other]]''''' '''[[War in Heaven|Other]]''' '''[[Fall of the Eldar|Thing That Ruined Everything]]''', '''the New Guy/Girl/Whatever''', '''literally Satan but add some crab claws''' and 6969 other names.

Slaanesh is the [[Chaos God]] of [[/d/|perversion, Hentai]], [[Extra Heresy|shamelessness]], [[Furry|excess]], [[Rebecca Black|the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever]], sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting [[heresy]] of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and her [[daemonette]]s.

Slaanesh was 'born' during the fall of the [[Eldar]], when all their torture, [[rape]], S&M, bondage, and decadence eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the [[Eye of Terror]], killing the majority of their race. Thus, the final chaos god is known as the one that was literally murderfucked into existence. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he or she becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding Exodites, whose soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit; Harlequins, who are scooped up by the [[Cegorach|great clown]] himself; and the faithful of Ynnead). This is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into [[Exterminatus|exterminating]] each other just to save one of their own. The [[Dark Eldar]] take this up to eleven; because they do not use spirit stones nor are they protected like the Harlequins, Slaanesh is constantly sanding their souls down around the edges. In order to circumvent this they resort to huffing the souls of those in agony or of those who have recently died; in essence they sacrifice others to him/her in order to live. However this isn't done ''just'' for survival; the Dark Eldar revel in sadism for its own sake too. In the end every Eldar in the galaxy, even the Drukhari and the Harlequins, are inextricably linked to Slaanesh in some way.

Of course, the descriptions above apply primarily to Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Slaanesh is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic about whipping heretics. It is for this reason ironically enough that she is hated by every single entity in the warp, Yes even Nurgle. More on that below.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While [[fluff]] claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure including lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, extreme sadism, perverse sexual deviance, and so on. These are just some of the pleasures Slaaneshi followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. As a practitioner falls ever deeper into the embrace of their dark god, they are consumed with a need to drive these sensations first to the limit of human experience, and then beyond into madness. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of insatiable concubines to fulfill your every desire? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain? Numerous examples of 40k lore have made it apparent that while those who fall to Slaanesh might start off with a desire to fulfill their rather run-of-the-mill baser instincts, it always spirals into insanity. For example, in the novel ''Shadowsword'', a young nobleman makes a deal with a devilish creature so that he can possess and sleep with his lady love, who is also his first cousin. By the time all is said and done, a grand party to welcome the forces of Chaos to their world turns into a charnel scene where the guests ''imagine'' themselves to be dancing and enjoying fine food and drink, but in reality they are tearing each other apart with their bare hands and engaging in cannibalism; others believe that they are embracing when their bodies and flesh are literally melding together. These are the types of scenes that truly resonate in the Warp, and thus grant Slaanesh power.

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh was the lord of all ''pleasure'' then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because, in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron acts in order to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). However, here is the most important thing worth emphasizing, just in case you haven't picked it up already: the point of Slaanesh is not to revel in ''any'' pain or pleasure. Rather, the point is to gain power from exposing mortals to the types of experiences that a sane person ''could not'' and ''would not'' ever be able to imagine in the first place. For all but the very strongest and most devout, this pollutes and twists their very souls to such an extent that they remain in thrall to Slaanesh forever. Such horizons of experience and sensation are far, far beyond the predictable inclinations and fetishes of your typical 4chan fa/tg/uy.

Even [[Khorne]], Slaanesh's primary rival, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in [[Just as Planned]]. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slaanesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the [[fluff]], it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Considering that it's damn hard for most humans to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before collapsing from exhaustion after a grueling 80-hour week working in some hive-world factory for the Emprah, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil bastard. (''It is worth noting that GW seems to have picked up somewhat on this fact. As of the latest daemon codex it does mention that Slaanesh has a particular way of influencing the other chaos gods and that they are all wary of them given that they draw some strength from the extreme behaviours they promote in their followers and are subject to themselves.'')

Slaanesh is also associated with the arts and creativity, as creativity means pursuing one's own personal desires. Self-indulgence and personal expression are the bedrock of the arts, after all. Those attracted to Slaanesh could theoretically be more than just aristocratic ravers, but also particularly eccentric artists, writers, etc. In this, Slaanesh treads in on Tzeentch's territory as the Architect of Fate also likes to play muse. But Slaanesh is all Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll in the purest sense of the word. It is not just the depraved orgy after the concert, but the scintillatingly brilliant concert that caused the orgy to begin with. One could assume that, in order to prevent Slaanesh's influence from spreading, the Imperium of Man would censor not just content but style. A radically structured poem, a painting with hints of debased content, even a deviation from traditional chord structures would presumably bring the Inquisition to your doorstep.

If Slaanesh had a voice actor, it would be [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc80tFJpTuo Tim Curry] and/or Tilda Swinton.

==What? Warhammer?==
[[File:Slaanesh Old.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The first depiction of Slaanesh in Warhammer art.]]
In the new [[Age of Sigmar]] setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the [[Horned Rat]]. Derp. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIMg2Xw4_8s While it was thought Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul], this is revealed to be mostly true, but for elves in general as there is no sign of Aliathra yet.
[[File:AoSBeholdSlaanesh.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Slaanesh imprisoned: Unable to decide which dildo to use first, Slaanesh is effectively neutralized! Ingenious! (Also, to answer the question you never asked, Slaanesh is not circumcised. Seriously, take a close look at where those chains pierce)]]

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. With Slaanesh missing, his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh (the refer to themselves as Seekers), those who are trying to claim their former master's position (they are referred to as Pretenders and consists of every Chaos Lord and Keeper of Secrets that wants to claim their former masters position as the new god of depravity) and those who have continued to be allied to [[Archaon]] in his wars against the Mortal Realms (who are referred to as Invaders). This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order; it is mostly being led by Slaanesh's greater daemons who lead Slaanesh's demonic and mortal followers but some have actually looked to venerating Archaon as their replacement deity.

The release of the first Daughter of Khaine battletome revealed that Slaanesh has been trapped in the void space between Ulgu (Realm of Shadows) and Hysh (Realm of Light) by the collective work of [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]] - now gods of Hysh, [[Malekith|Malerion]] - god of Ulgu, and [[Morathi]]. There the elf gods are slowly taking back the elf souls the Chaos god devoured after the End Times, reforging them to their liking, while Slaanesh is trapped in a position that will make it impossible for him to escape (in theory). That is, unless Morathi cast a spell to get more souls than it was initially planned for her to receive, a spell that would weaken the chains that are keeping Slaanesh trapped, which of course she did. Now Slaanesh is ever so slowly getting further from Hysh and closer to Ulgu, which enabled Slaanesh's followers to learn where he was. The only things standing in their way are the fact that they can't reach Slaanesh's prison, the aelf gods and their forces. Even then, Slaanesh might eventually be able to free itself.

With the announcement of Realm of Chaos: Wrath and Rapture, it appears GW is ready to bring Slaanesh back to the 40k and AoS universes, along with a (daemonic) host of new models. And this did come to pass... Though it isn't as grand as many would have hoped. It has been revealed that the 66 chains holding Slaanesh (real subtle, GW) can be broken by certain depraved or powerful acts, ie, an excess of anger from Khorne, or a Stormhost turning on the people they protect (which did happen and was engineered by Slaanesh taking a leaf from Tzeentch's book). Having broken a handful of the chains Slaanesh cast illusions to prevent the elves from discovering this, and if the majority of chains get shattered Slaanesh will be strong enough to break the rest. If Slaanesh ever did escape, he would immediately try and engulf all of Ulgu and Hysh, securing two whole realms and thereby winning the great game though Khorne would object violently, as would Archaon. However, Archaon still needed Slaanesh and was actively tracking down the trapped god. Archaon eventually succeeded at finding Slaanesh and started working to free him, though Slaanesh's sass vexed Archaon. It would've worked eventually, but Archaon had a vision of the Nighthaunt and Bonereapers taking the Shyish realmgate and attacking the Varanspire. Though Archaon was pissed, since he knew the elf gods would move Slaanesh's prison and tighten security after this, he abandoned Slaanesh and went back to the Allpoints.

But now Slaanesh is a mommy/daddy! During Morathi's ritual for godhood, Slaanesh took advantage of it and emitted a stream of saliva (more likely some ''other'' bodily fluid that begins with "S") that gained sentience. The entity followed Morathi out of Slaanesh's prison, and flew through the skies across Ulgu before crashing to the ground. The Godseekers followed it to the point of impact, and over time thousands of Hedonites gathered. There the entity, known only as The Newborn, took on a form so beautiful and terrible that many who looked upon it died and spoke to Hedonites. It eventually became two demigods called Dexcessa and Synessa, who are filling in for Slaanesh until he/she is freed from Uhl-Gysh. The twins make their first appearance when they try to take advantage of the rampage of the newly awakened god of Earthquakes [[Kragnos]] to conquer the city of Excelsis, a plan which falls flat on its ass when the twins get banished by the actions of a set of witch-hunters and the sacrifice of the local stormcast eternal leader. Be'lakor then approaches the twins in the epilogue of the book and proceeds to throw shade at them for such a lackluster first showing on their part, when they diss him back about fleeing from one Dwarf, Be'lakor points out that the Dwarf was actually a powerful god and tells them to be prepared as the storms of chaos he unleashed by blowing up realmgates are spreading throughout the mortal realms.

== Followers ==
[[File:Slaanesh Banners.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Slaaneshi banners.]]
Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become colossal perverts; alternatively, she may attract followers from those who are already [[Ultramarines|colossal perverts]], and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. [[Just as planned]].

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and gives them everything they could ever want because she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of his hatred for it. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the ''best'', gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, [[/v/|that perfect 360 noscope,]] to [[powergamer|hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be]], or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi...even if they don’t want to be. If the thrill lies in just killing people-- the pure joy of murder-- and the skill is just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing or even pain, like the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. [[Troll|They also get off on the reactions they get from others]]-- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men. These are things that Khorne can’t stand, because Khorne has standards. Slaanesh takes those standards, throws them out the window, follows them out the window and murderfucks them with its arms pumping wildly.

When it come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here the difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, usually through charismatic speeches and the like, while Tzeenchians often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in the process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions. Tzeentch followers are quite notable for being dicks, not evil monsters (...usually, also barring daemons). Other than being egotistical trolls they're pretty normal people. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more [[Heresy|literal]] in Slaanesh's case. However Tzeentch has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming, Slaanesh still wins, so Tzeentch hates them too.

Apart from [[AIDS|the obvious]], Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction. There was the matter of the [[Isha|qt Eldar waifu]] Slaanesh wanted to keep for [[/d/|some]] [[rape|after-party]] [[FATAL|entertainment]], but since Nurgle is a fa/tg/uy at heart he couldn't resist claiming her for himself. <s>But they're mostly over that</s> Slaanesh is over it, Nurgle is not. Otherwise, their domains are just too different that they don't overlap all that much. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration. That being said Nurgle is still not fond of them-- mainly due to the aforementioned Eldar waifu.

[[File:Slaaneshi Forces.JPG|thumb|right|500px|Slaaneshi forces in their realm.]]

Slaanesh units are:
* '''[[Daemonettes]]''', hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use [[Proxy|proxies]] randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as she contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
* '''[[Seekers of Slaanesh]]''', Daemonettes mounted upon [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor [[dinosaur]]; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
* '''[[Fiends of Slaanesh]]''', large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
* '''[[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky [[tarpit]] removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least [[Distraction Carnifex|target mitigation]] to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded [[Tau|fire warriors]] or some [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Spearmen]] can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
* '''[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally [[/d/|dripping]] with excitement at being in battle.
* '''[[Keepers Of Secrets]]''', Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, each is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless lead by a...
* '''[[Daemon Prince]]''', a human (with [[Dechala|one Elf]] as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in her service.

=== 40k ===
* '''[[Chaos Space Marines]]''', the traitor marines of the [[Emperor's Children|third legion]] worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
** '''[[Noise Marines]]''', the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's [[Khorne Berzerkers|Berzerkers]], Nurgle's [[Plague Marines]] or Tzeentch's [[Thousand Sons]]. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using [[Sonic Weaponry]] because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berghain Can be found IRL also.]

=== Fantasy ===
* '''[[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Druchii]]''': The Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Cult Of Pleasure]]. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen [[Morathi]] being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her [[Malekith|son]] and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of [[Khaine]], Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept [[Harpy#Warhammer|her own]] as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of [[Atharti]], [[Hekarti]], and [[Ereth Khial]], three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave whose skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.
* '''[[Warriors of Chaos]]''': Not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the [[Warp Gate]]s they are, the more they are like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
* '''[[Beastmen]]''': Rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
*'''[[Hellstriders]]''': Warriors of Chaos mounted upon Seeker mounts. Unlike most Chaos Gods, who give daemonic mounts as rewards for their best followers, Slaanesh (or Keepers of Secrets in Age of Sigmar given Slaanesh's imprisonment) gives out Seekers to the weak-willed and lazy looking for a quick path to power. Those who fall for this trap find that although they gain power, they also gain a crippling addiction to the souls of their enemies that quickly results in them losing all pleasure outside of killing. If a Hellstrider is unable to kill, they will quite literally die from withdrawal.

=== [[Age of Sigmar]] ===
* '''Lord of Pain''': BDSM-freak Chaos Lords who are obsessed with giving and receiving pain. Not only does their high pain tolerance make them almost Nurgle-level tough, but they can even reflect their pain back to their enemies.
* '''Shardspeaker of Slaanesh''': Slaaneshi sorcerers who use their magical mirrors to force their enemies to submit to their most shameful hidden desires.
* '''Myrmidesh Painbringers''': The warrior elite of the Hedonites. Myrmidesh Painbringers are unusually chosen for their ability to withstand temptation, denying all carnal pleasures for a single minded focus on perfecting combat and ensuring their enemies die in the most beautiful and painful ways possible.
* '''Symbaresh Twinsouls''': Trying to be a disciplined aescetic warrior while being surrounded by perverted freaks is hard. So it isn't suprising that some Myrmidesh find themselves unable to keep up their eternal No-Nut November and fall off the deep end, allowing their souls to be possessed by daemons. Expectedly, this fusing of daemon and mortal blood makes the Twinsouls a favored unit of [[Syll'Esske]].
* '''Blissbarb Archers''': The dregs of Hedonite warbands excluded from the rush of melee combat. They coat their arrows in the eponymous Blissbarb poison that’s one part aphrodisiac and another part paralyzing agent.
* '''Blissbarb Seekers''': When the aforementioned Archer gets their first taste of steel cutting their skin (and lives to tell about it), they’re likely to become addicted to this feeling and seek to claim a Seeker as their mount in order to chase after this exquisite sensation.
* '''Slickblade Seekers''': Elite Hellstriders with a nasty jealous streak against anyone who dares to steal the killing blow from them. They ride on the unique Exalted Seeker of Slaanesh rather than the stock variant.
* '''Slaangor Fiendbloods''': [[Slaangor]]s are back baby! The shock troopers of the Hedonite hosts, they are venerated by other Slaaneshi followers as physical avatars of the Dark Prince.

[[File:Slaanesh TWW3.png|300px|thumb|right|Slaanesh as he appears during survival battles in Total War: Warhammer 3, not taking kindly those who refuse the temptation events]]
==Total War: Warhammer 3==
In the game you must collect the souls of 4 daemon princes, one from each Chaos god, in order to fight Belakor and get to Ursun. Slaanesh's realm is both the easiest and the hardest; the Arch-Temptress lives up to the name and thus while going down the circle, besides fighting various AI armies you will be given scenarios that you can either ignore or play in order to fight Slaanesh's daemon prince. The positives it gives are beyond good - a beyond enormous amount of gold which lets you buy anything you want, increasing Public Order up to 200, really good replacement, and more. However, if you choose to take one of these gifts, you'll be kicked out of the realm and have to wait till it appears again, so steel your heart and march onward while slapping yourself in the face for good measure, and struggle on till you get that soul. Or use the warp portals to teleport to your rivals and use your Slaanesh buffed forces to kneecap them on the world map. Not like they can mount a decent defense when their best army is tooling around in the chaos realms.

==Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k==
With the release of "Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider" we now have daemons of Slaanesh making an appearance during the [[War in Heaven]]? Now this could be just a case of timey wimey Warp shenanigans but it could also be an indication of something else! What if Slaanesh's "birth" was actually more akin to a rebirth of something far older; the original sin if you were.

It is known that even before the Fall agents of Slaanesh were already at large in the galaxy and actively seeking to bring it into being. If Slaanesh did indeed have a presence all the way back in the War in Heaven then perhaps it has always been there, seeking a way to return, as opposed to beginning to gestate within the Empyrean during the conflict itself.

Slaanesh isn't all about sex, [[Drug|drugs]] and more sex, but actually fits all of the seven deadly sins rather well: [[/d/|Lust]], [[RAGE|Wrath]], [[Blood Ravens|Greed]], [[Perturabo|Envy]], [[Giles|Gluttony]], [[Lazy Marines|Sloth]] and [[Cato Sicarius|Pride]] all fall under Slaanesh's domain; each of which play key roles in the other God's spheres of influence also. Of course these are taken to their extremes, as is Slaanesh's trade mark, but even the other Chaos Gods are extremes in their own way, and though they are all placed above the Dark Prince in terms of power they all may "fear" the influence that Slaanesh has the potential to hold over them and are very wary that the Dark Prince may eventually eclipse them all in power.

The War in Heaven is essentially the event(s) that created "Hell" in 40k as many races with a presence in the warp fought and died in the conflict, so it makes sense that there must have been an "original Satan"-like figure as well. Of course, this could be looking too much into this and talking out of our collective arse, but what with Slaanesh in [[Age of Sigmar]] no longer being counted amongst the Four, it opens up a lot of possibilities for when the Dark Prince does eventually return.

==The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh==

(AKA [[Kaldor Draigo]] becomes a sleeper agent. Probably. Other things are possible, but this would slap down the Mary Sue, so really, why argue?)

While the other Chaos Gods rarely welcome intruders to their lands within the immaterium, Slaanesh loves to tempt visitors to his unnatural domain, and those that dare enter the Lord of Pleasure's territory risk becoming trapped in its warped delights for eternity.

Slaanesh's realm is divided into six domains, arranged in concentric rings about the Palace of Pleasure. Each of these is a celebration of Slaanesh's desires, and while they might be mistaken for paradises, nothing in the lands of the Dark Prince is as it seems. An intruder can only reach the Palace of Pleasure, in the very heart of Slaanesh's territory, by passing through all six of the circles-- an act of will beyond most souls, both mortal and demonic. One amongst the mortal visitors to his realm still looms large in the memory of Slaanesh, however-- a wandering knight of the Adeptus Astartes whose resolve was as strong as silvered adamantium.

The first circle the knight pushed through was richly appointed beyond the dreams of kings. Mountains of stacked gold reached towards rainbow mosaics of gemstones in the marble vaults high above; glittering ingots and diamonds beyond count littered the ground. The knight marched past many a starving wretch attempting to count the innumerable gold coins, their sallow faces twisted with mounting greed until their piles toppled, and, weeping, they had to start over again. At every corner of the crossroads stood gilded statues, some of beautiful Slaanesh, others of Daemons and mortals trapped in blissful ecstasy. The trails in the diamond dust underfoot betrayed the fact that the statues were once flesh and blood. The knight had left notions of material wealth long behind, and he strode on without touching a single coin.

Crunching his way across a beach of golden teeth, the knight came to the shores of a vast lake of dark wine. The lake was dotted with pallid islands formed from the backs of giants, each linked by crisscrossing bridges. The backward hands of each giant held up a table that groaned under the weight of a lavish feast. There, he saw mortal men gorging themselves on the banquet, wide-eyed and desperate in their hunger; others frantically tried to gulp down the lake itself. The bloated and the obese moaned in pain as they crammed ever more food into their wine-stained mouths. The knight pressed on, distaste twisting his features as he passed the grisly remains of those who had consumed so much that they had physically burst apart.

The wanderer made his way through fields of golden light and soft hay, where lissome maidens and beautiful youths frolicked near-naked in the hallucinogenic musk of the lithe beasts that cavorted with them. The faces and fertile forms of the dancers were impossibly sensual, moulded to the perfect desire of the heart. The knight held his breath and closed his eyes, for though mortal pleasures were forbidden to his order, part of him was still a man. The crooning nymphs gathered around the knight, stroking his silvered armour and whispering of the sweet carnal pleasures they would give him, but he yielded not. The severed limbs and heads that lay underfoot spoke of the truth behind the honeyed lies. Eyes shut, he cut down the daemonette seductresses around him one after another, letting revulsion guide his shining blade.

After fighting his way through the feminine contours of the foothills ahead, the knight emerged onto a balcony where he was greeted by roars of adulation and approval. An army of Space Marines vast beyond counting awaited him on an endless plain, listening in fevered anticipation of his commands for conquest. Planetary governors nodded in obsequious anticipation, and the High Lords of Terra smiled up at him from smaller balconies of their own, motioning him to speak. The knight recognised one of the rulers from his own mortal life; he stood before him, looking deep into the Philosopher-King's eyes. Behind the mask of power and self-assurance, he saw eternal, nagging paranoia, gnawing suspicion and hidden doubts that were acid to the soul. The knight shook his head sadly and walked away.

Wearied by his ordeals, the wanderer strode on through a mesmerising woodland paradise, its maze of pathways thick with flowers and heavy with thorns. The gentle, fragrant breeze whispered to the knight of past glories, reminding him of the executions he had performed in the Emperor's name. Mirrored pools reflected the knight as a shining saint, his face serene but his sword bloodied as he artfully carved apart rank after rank of red-skinned Daemons. The warrior turned away, troubled. In the distance, he could make out tortured figures staring intently into mirror pools of their own, each held immobile by the undergrowth as whispering thorns insinuated themselves into their flesh. The wanderer turned his mind to the humility of the cell he once called home. As he did so, the path through the maze writhed and straightened out before him. So the knight trudged on.

An endless beach stretched away from the knight, and heavenly choirs sung soothing lullabies as the perfumed sea lapped at the fortress walls of his mind. The wanderer's bones cried out for rest, even if only for a moment. The warmth of the golden sun above calmed his soul, and the tide began to erode his will. His tired eyes could barely stay open, but his vision was still clear enough to see the horrible truth: the bone-white sand was made from the remains of those who had rested here and fallen into a coma of blissful indolence. His resolve hardened, the knight strode on toward the shimmering palace in the distance.

It was there, beneath the elegant spires, that the wanderer came before almighty Slaanesh. Statuesque and divinely glamorous, the deity visited him in the form of a youth possessed of an androgynous beauty, clean-limbed and fresh with vigour. The knight unsheathed his rune-etched sword and made to strike him down. To his horror, he found that he could not, for the god-prince was disarming in his innocence and utterly beguiling in his manner.

Even the purest flame can be extinguished by the tide. In that single moment of doubt, the wanderer was lost. He knelt, bowing his head at last, and a single touch of the being's glowing sceptre on each shoulder sealed his fate for eternity.

== Facts ==
[[File:Nope.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?]]
* Though Khorne stans and /tg/ will deny it, Slaanesh is secretly the strongest chaos god.
* [[Ynnead]] is secretly Slaanesh
*[[Sanguinius]] is jealous of Slaanesh because they are the only one more fabulous than hi-{{BLAM}}
* Slaanesh wants to fuck the Emperor, but every time they try, the Big E psychically bitch-slaps them, destroys all their sex toys and sex slaves and breaks their hands so they can't fap for a while.
* Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
** Slaanesh is dyslexic.
*** Slaanesh also knows that you can't spell dyslexic without sex.
* The title of Slaanesh's greatest mortal champion is owned by Shädman''(ayyyyy)''
* Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how their only representation in the DoW series was the [[Emperor's Children]] paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, they did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones. (And their colours aren't even correct.)
**However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still <s>pissed off of not getting enough representation</s> OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while they only get a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
* Charlie Sheen is their first true Daemon Prince (though he was recently diagnosed with HIV which resulted from his sexcapades, so looks like he could swing towards [[Nurgle]]. But just like [[Fulgrim]] his body probably needs to be destroyed first before he can ascend). It was nearly Malcolm Mcdowell, on account of McDowell's filmography including two of Slaanesh's favorite films (see below) and McDowell's hedonistic younger years; before Charlie had even reached puberty, McDowell was already far into sex and drugs both in his films and real-life. But as he got older, McDowell turned away from hedonism and cleaned himself up. Other contenders include Gene Simmons and Tila Tequila.
* Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
* If it exists, [[PROMOTIONS|Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it]].
* Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne to get his daily dose of lulz. Slaanesh always loses these fights pretty badly; and each time, Slaanesh takes it pretty hard. [[C.S.Goto|And this pleases them.]]
* Slaanesh is secretly depressed that have no friends. Khorne is a dick, and Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is. Nurgle is nice, but Slaanesh can't get over the fact that he cucked them. ("Can't get over it" in both a [[PROMOTIONS|positive]] and [[RAGE|negative]] sense.)
** Also, Nurgle has ''all'' the STDs, which would make him Slaanesh's natural enemy out in the wild. Isha's immunity to all diseases is better than any protection, which is a pretty substantial reason why Slaanesh liked her.
* Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where they being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods. He/she lets them do it, and could probably beat them if they tried.
* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string them along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
* Khorne [[Rip and Tear|regularly tears off Slaanesh's arms]] and beats them over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm, which is why she/he ''lets'' Khorne does it).
* Slaanesh was doping when they killed the Eldar Gods, they couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs. (at least that what Khaine, a god of war and destruction, keeps insisting when ever someone asks him why he got both figuratively and possibly literally raped by a god(ess) of sex drugs and rock'n'roll)
** Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
* Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, they got their left boob cut off for their trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six). Given the new backstory and their time of birth, this means that Slaanesh lost against a Necron Pokémon.
* Slaanesh is a great patron of the arts. Their favourite films include:
** ''Hellraiser'': Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, they took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... <strike>That is, of course, a lie. They actually ripped off Hellraiser.</strike> Hellraiser ripped them off. Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
** ''A Serbian Film'': Slaanesh's second favorite movie. They already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
** ''Pink Flamingos'': Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's journal. Slaanesh especially enjoyed the depictions of their hobbies (including bestiality, scat fetishes and vore), that the movie quotes them directly (see Divine's quote above).
** ''A Clockwork Orange'': One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. (Although Slaanesh faps/shlicks to commentaries on morality too.) They like to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm McDowell's sexy face. They also find the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. '''BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!!''' Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!].
** ''The Rocky Horror Picture Show'': Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
** ''Legend'': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3J91bPrW9A Also because of Tim Curry, who practically plays a daemon prince of Slaanesh].
** ''Caligula'': The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm McDowell as the title character. Slaanesh's favorite scenes are when Caligula engages in an incestuous threesome with his sister and his fiance, and the giant orgies on stage (don't watch the latter if you have a weak stomach - there's a real snake in one scene and [[FATAL|you don't want to know what the woman does with it]]).
** ''Eyes Wide Shut'': Slaanesh has heard the film described as "Just Artsy Porn", but doesn't get the criticism. It's Art and it's Porn. What's not to love?
** ''Event Horizon'': A documentary of how he/she/it is directly responsible for fucking up humanity's first venture into the Warp.
** ''High Rise'': Some say it holds the essence of the one time Slaaneshi and Khaine got jiggy with it.
** ''Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom'': Slaanesh liked it better when they thought it was real and not just special effects.
** ''The Stuff'': A movie about the time some railroad workers found lakes of Slaanesh's jizz at a quarry and marketed it as dessert food due to its properties, leading to numerous shenanigans and giving Slaanesh much lulz that they never learned where it came from.
* Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
* Slaanesh's favorite band is GWAR, because everything with them is sex, drugs, and rock and roll in excess, even covering their audience in jizz, blood, random chemicals, and mixtures of all three, and inciting massive blood orgies constantly.
* Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams is also suspected to be one of the early influences of Slaanesh in human music culture, the singer suspected to be one of his/her/its avatars.
* Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, as well as all the dick, [[Tzeentch|cloaca]], [[Tyranids|ovipositor]], [[Isha|stamen, pistil]], and [[Nurgle|pilus]].
* Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
* Slaanesh found Captain Flashheart so magnificent in Blackadder that they created a daemon prince in his image. Woof woof!
* Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really [[cheese|cheesy]] ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
* Slaanesh is the only entity in existence who listens to the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast purely for erotic purposes. He/she/it cannot understand for the life of him/her/it why no one else finds cervix-grabbing sexy. Still, they fap/shlick/???-PROFIT at this.
* Mentioning the names of Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn gives Slaanesh a massive boner/lady-boner. Though Slaanesh didn't have a hand in inventing the internet, three guesses why Slaanesh loves the internet, and the first two don't count. Mentioning Hugh Hefner also has a similar effect.
* As a patron of the arts, Slaanesh has many favorite authors, so can't pick one. Having said that, Marquis de Sade is a strong contender.
* Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
** Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
** Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
** Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
** Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
* Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience.
* Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking. '''{{Blam|DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!}}'''
** Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.]]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|If you masturbate with barbed wire, a daemon of slaanesh will be summoned, and you will be exterminatus-ed]]
* Slaanesh secretly wants Khorne. S/he's upset that the 'Special K' hates her/him/it.
** However, if Slaanesh ever did create a copy of him/her/their/itself, then the two would immediately try to murderfuck each other, in a kinky simulacrum of Highlander. This would apply to all of the main ruinous powers, apart from <s>including</s> Nurgle, who would simply hug his <s>whose</s> female double and then get to work with said double on a particularly virulent strain of super aids/crotch rot. <s>would get jealous of Isha and conspire with Slaanesh to get rid of that home-wrecking skank.</s>
* Slaanesh is the patron <s>god</s> <s>goddess</s> deity of bonobos (look them up).
* Slaanesh's ''only'' criticism of the Cats movie is that there are no visible genitals.
* Slaanesh #fuckedPalpatine.
* Slaanesh's deepest, darkest, most perverted and debased desire is to hold hands with someone and have loving [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position]] with lots of cuddling before, during and after - because when you are the embodiment of excess itself, the only truly outrageous thing left is wholesome normalcy.

== Gallery ==
{{heresy}}
{{promotions}}
{{/d/}}
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-slanesh.jpg
Image:Slaaneshfaggot.jpeg|A real-life worshipper of Slaanesh.
Image:Slaaneshi.JPG|Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|That's a real [[commissar]], just look at the [[hat]].
Image:Daemonette02.JPG|DDaemonette
Image:Daemonette01.JPG|It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

Image:Daemonette.JPG
Image:Slaaneshi2.JPG|Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Image:Daemonxmas copy.jpg|Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Image:Lurvemudkipz.JPG|Evidence that it is possible that some [[pokémon]] are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

Image:Slaaneshi mudkips.JPG|Oh god. ;_;
Image:Slaanesh trainer.jpg|There is no excuse or explanation for this.
Image:Slaaneshijack copy.jpg|This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Image:Irresistible.jpg|Simply Irresistible

Image:Dranon5.jpg|Mr Culexus' interpretation of Slaanesh. Notice the massive bulge in the crotch that's bigger than it's boobs.
Image:Not_too_abysmal_by_Mr_Culexus.jpg|Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
Image:1271157389405.jpg|What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Image:daemonette_minerva.png|Who else did you think furries worshiped?

Image:Slaanesh_LAWL.jpg|LAWL
Image:Trapmarine.jpg|Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
Image:Trapmarine_BW.jpg|... which may not be so "little".
Image:Daemonette_with_seeker_mount.jpg|She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me. Although for your sake you really should take my word for it.

Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|The more common and usual fate of Eldar.
Image:Slaanesh cosplay 1 by zk87-d2zo47q.jpg|Now 262.71% more real!
Image:Slaanesh Time.jpg|You might be mixing up love and lust.
Image:Slaanesh_miniature_closeup.jpg|Gimme some sugar

Image:Slaanesh+hr giger.jpg|H. R. Geiger is pleased
Image:Slaanesh by zk87-d2z4bpv.jpg|Lashes of Torment!
Image:Slaanesh-153102-SweetAngel.jpg|She Who Thirsts indeed
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated]

Image:She_Who_Thirsts.jpg|<s>Still lusting after her now?</s> Who Am I kidding, of course we are.

Image:Dark_Prince_of_Pleasure_Slaanesh_wfrp.jpg|From the old [[WFRP]] days
Image:MoeSlaanesh.png|How can anyone not want to serve something so utterly <s>adorable</s> heretical?
Image:1419021850273.jpg|Yes, that is a Santa outfit.
Image:Anons_fall_to_Chaos.png|Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
Image:Champion of Slaanesh RL.png| We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
Image:HereticalUseOfChainswords.gif| When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
Image:Cultist-chan24.jpg|Slaanesh has improved cultist chan
Image:Wildslaanesh.png|Slaanesh Demon corrupts children.
Image:Slaanesh-sorcerer.jpeg|Slaanesh makes the Cenobites from Hellraiser look good.
Image:SlaaneshWH3.png|Slaanesh, as depicted in Total War: Warhammer 3 once the skybox filter is removed.
</gallery>

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

==See Also==
*[[/d/]]
*[[Azazel]] - The oldest existing [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[Shalaxi Helbane]] Slaanesh main [[Keeper of Secrets]] in [[Warhammer 40,000]] and [[Age Of Sigmar]].
*[[Dechala]] - The oldest existing Chaos Champion special character of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[The Masque]] - Slaanesh's former fav fab Daemonette stripper, and current PR rep.
*[[Sigvald]], Slaanesh's favorite not-Caligula/not-Joffrey.
*The [[Emperor's Children]] legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
*[[Fulgrim]] - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks ever.
*[[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bile]] - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played by geriatric [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane_%28wrestler%29 Glenn Jacobs] instead of young Tim Curry.
*[[Lucius]] - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
*[[Doomrider]] - He does COCAINE!
*[[Miriael Sabathiel]] - The most infamous [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] to fall to Slaanesh. Commonly mistaken as the ''only'' Chaos Sister of Battle by people who haven't read [[Ephrael Stern|Daemonifuge]]. Last seen hunting Eldar to give them [[Rape|hugs]].
*[[Codex - Fallen Sororitas]] - An entire homebrew army of Slaaneshi Sisters of Battle.
*[[Daemonette]] - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
*[[Reasonable Daemonette]] - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
*[[Loli D]] - The [[loli]] variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is [[Extra Heresy|extra heretical]]. E-Commissars can and will [[Exterminatus|blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice]] if you click on this link.
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRPIsrxUc_E Rick and Morty's visit to the Realm of Slaanesh]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-gHgcmFB6Q Slaanesh's visit to the Realm of Rick and Morty]
{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category:Hedonites of Slaanesh]]

Nurgle

2023-01-08T06:44:07Z

2607:FB91:3F1E:D6BE:9331:C177:D3B0:1B1A: /* Relationship with other Gods */

[[File:220px-Nurgle Symbol.png|center]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
{{sick|He's the god of filth. Of course he's disgusting.}}

[[File:Nurgle.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Get up, come on, get down with the sickness!]]
'''NURGLE IS LOVE! NURGLE IS LIFE! ALL PRAISE THE PLAGUE FATHER WITH THE CORPSE OF DEATH! - The Pact of Nurgle in a Nutshell'''

{{Topquote|Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host and then a master?|Kahlil Gibran}}

{{Topquote|To me death is not a fearful thing. It's living that's cursed.|Jim Jones}}

{{Topquote|Behold the floral magnificence of Nurgle. Budding flowers of flesh growth, the tessellating landscapes of mould spore. There is no beauty to the unadorned. Nurgle is first and foremost an artist. Tzeentch, he is a mere mischief maker, and young Slaanesh no more than a libertine. Let us not even begin with the linear, narrow-minded aggression of Khorne.|Opsarus "the Crow", [[Plague Marine]] Captain, Champion of Nurgle}}

{{Topquote|If everything is shit, why worry about it?|Unknown Wehrmacht Soldier}}

{{Topquote|These germs of disease have taken toll of humanity since the beginning of things--taken toll of our prehuman ancestors since life began here. But by virtue of this natural selection of our kind we have developed resisting power; to no germs do we succumb without a struggle. . . By the toll of a billion deaths man has bought his birthright of the earth, and it is his against all comers; it would still be his were the Martians ten times as mighty as they are. For neither do men live nor die in vain.| H.G Wells, War of the worlds}}

'''The total "wet weight" of humanity on [[Terra]] (ca. 020.M3 anyway) is 7.33×1011 kg.

'''The total weight of bacteria, 9.9×1011.

'''Facts.'''

{{BLAM|Facts? Nay... HERESY!}} {{BLAM}}

==Introduction==

WARNING: HE'S FUCKING GROSS!!! And often used as a verb for busting a squat (by which we do not mean inflicting violence on a [[Squat]]) in the bathroom stall. Example: “Hang on, I gotta go Nurgle.”

Required listening: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Uor4IrNN0N4

https://youtu.be/MzMshNafGFs

The unholy combination of your loving grandfather and Santa, if all he gave you were plagues, and every day was Christmas. Just shaking hands with him is probably a good way to catch... well, ''everything'', probably. All at once.

'''Nurgle''', also known as '''Nurgleth, Neiglen, Onogal, Nurglitch, Lord Leech, the Plague Lord, the Plaguefather, the Lord of Death and Decay, the Lord of Pestilence, the Fly Lord, the Great Corruptor, Grandfather Nurgle, A Supernatural Garbage Bag, the Almighty COVIDiot, Papa/Grandpa Nurgle, the Ebola Emperor, the Collective Asscrack of Fa/tg/uys Everywhere, Your Mom, the Patron God of Anti-Vaxxers, the Champion of Contagion, That One Guy Who Plays Nothing But Plague Inc. Every Day, Pus in Boots, the Intergalactic Fatass, [[TV Tropes|Squick]] Incarnate, the Omniscent Basement Dweller, Never Took A Shower, The Gutbuster Reaper''' and 7738 other names, is the god of misunderstood sick fucks ([[Slaanesh|no, not ''those'']], we mean ''literally'' sick) and all diseases. Nurgle is primarily the god of despair, stagnation, death, decay, and (in a way)Entropy signifying the end of things in the material realm (though this is technically a position he shares with [[Tzeentch]], something that '''both of them''' Question and hate). Nurgle can be considered the god of everything, because no matter how permanent anything may seem, it will always eventually wither and decay in the end. While death is inevitable, sapient creatures will also fight against it with all available power, even to the point where they'd bargain with the Gods of the Warp to flip death the [[Lord of Change|bird]]. While some may turn to Tzeentch (or [[Nagash]]), only the children of Grandfather Nurgle transcend the feeble divisions between life and death, achieving true immortality (or at least unnatural resilience and eventual rebirth as [[Plaguebearer]]s).

An alternate way to interpret him is simply as the god of Life, but life in all it's forms, including pathogens. Mostly pathogens...

We get an actual description of his appearance in the Age of Sigmar novel, Hallowed Knights Plague Garden: [[Awesome| "Through the ragged shroud of smoke, Gardus saw what lay below the Inevitable Citadel, at the heart of Nurgle’s garden. Almost immediately, he closed his eyes and turned away, unable to bear it. It was impossible to describe. Impossible to comprehend. To his eyes, it was a wallowing swamp of black stars and dying worlds, of rotting galaxies alive with immense, writhing shapes as large as nebulas. Cosmic maggots, gnawing at the roots of infinity. Galactic plagues, eating away at the very flesh of existence, reducing all that was to leprous ruin in their unending hunger. It was a dark mirror of Azyr, corrupted, reduced, strangled. All glory vanished, all hope quashed. A thunder of screams echoed upwards, driving him back. A million million voices, raised up in anguish and despair. Forever crying out for that which would never come. Down below, something began to crawl out of the black heart of that cancerous infinity. It was no shape, and all shapes. Fat and thin, a plume of smoke, a puddle of oil, spreading ever upwards. There were eyes in the smoke, as round as cold, dead suns, and teeth that stretched in a grin as wide as the horizon. Fingers like comets clutched at the void, as the Lord of All Things stirred from his manse, and began the long, arduous climb to his garden. Moons crumbled beneath that impossible bulk, and stars were snuffed out."]] '''DAMN.'''

Nurgle is also the god of other stoic emotions, such as: empathy, kinship, happiness, struggle, love, tradition, inevitability, mercy and memory. While Tzeentch seeks to twist fate and change reality, Nurgle teaches to accept entropy and rot and persevere despite it, with solace and happiness. His followers will vigorously spread the joyous teachings of Papa Nurgle and if those living fleshbags won't listen, they'll be shown all the pleasant ways for them to experience the unending cycle of death and rebirth.

In the [[1984]]-esque cold grimdarkness of outer space, where life sucks and everyone's a dick, Nurgle cares. And he loves you. He brings you family, love and the time to embrace that love fully and become one with it. He accepts you for who you are, as long as you stay that way. Also don't wash, don't shave, don't change your underwear. You're great the way you are. He knows that you have been abandoned by your past lovers, friends and family. He knows that you need the feeling of belonging, security and stability in your life. He will embrace you if you trust him to bring you an eternal, painless existence. Just ignore the pus and the smell coming from the forming folds inside and outside your body.

Nurgle's chosen champions are the Warriors of Chaos/Plague Marines, who have willingly accepted his myriad diseases and let him turn them into shambling, bloated zombie-like carrions that no longer feel any pain. The nature of Nurgle is that anyone suffering from one of his plagues is counted as one of his worshipers, and he'll grant Chaos blessings freely to them.

In 40k, he saved the Eldar goddess [[Isha]] from [[Slaanesh]], to become his Poxfulcrum (a guinea pig for Nurgle's concoctions, who can't be killed by them) and wife. Slaanesh is still upset and doesn't really like Nurgle for that. [[Cake|Nowadays, Nurgle and Isha live as a happy couple in Nurgle's Garden somewhere in the Warp. Nurgle likes to cook, and Isha is always eager to taste his stewings]].

In Fantasy, Nurgle kept the human goddess [[Shallya]] captive as his Poxfulcrum, until she was rescued by Dante Alighieri ([[Kaldor Draigo]]), and two Elves, with the second (a female) taking Shallya's place. In Age of Sigmar he becomes fixated on [[Everqueen|Alarielle]] and her [[Dryad]] daughters.

Generally speaking he's the third most powerful Chaos God after [[Khorne]] and [[Tzeentch]], respectively. All the chaos gods have their power wax and wane, but Nurgle's strength is the most subject to change. His power waxes during great plagues and times of great despair, decay, stagnation and when individuals let go of their ambitions. He becomes less influential during periods of great hope, change, evolution and when cures for his plagues are found, as well when individuals give in to their ambitions. During an especially big plague and/or period of stagnation (even more so than is usual for Warhammer any way, excluding GW's own stagnation of the story-line (as well as their business), which would in theory make him the strongest god, but as soon as this is acknowledged, things would no longer be stagnant, just as Tzeentch had planned), decay and despair, he can temporarily become the mightiest chaos god and his realm will encroach upon the realms of the other Chaos Gods and the neutral (Undivided, Law or unaligned) parts of the Warp. But as all power in the Warp is in constant change due to the life in the material realm being what it is, events that fuel his burst of power will eventually end and he will return to the position of being in the third place.

Ironically, he's easily one of the most successful of the Chaos Gods in Fantasy, having had the champion sworn to him specifically, rather than Chaos Undivided, get closest to claiming the Throne of Chaos, and having contributed the most to the End Times.

Nurgle is hero of all fa/tg/uys; ripe, fat and smelly! Other than being bloated, living corpses filled with wriggling vermin, Nurgle followers have other iconic traits: singular or triple eyes arranged in a triangle, long tongues or insectoid appearances, singular horns, and ringing bells. They usually paint their armor in snotty greens, dookie browns, or biley yellow. Most often greens, though. As can be expected, of all the Chaos Gods, Nurgle is the most likely to corrupt [[Orcs & Goblins]]/[[Orks]]. As if those sons of bitches couldn't get any tougher...

And then he was permanently injured by Emperor possessing Guilliman and got his garden burned down in Godblight.

==Papa Nurgle's Forces==
[[File:Nurgle Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Nurgle in Warhammer art, back when an obvious phallic symbol as a sigil was nothing to be sneezed at (except by Nurgle himself, if this picture is any indication).]]

* '''[[Great Unclean Ones]]''' - Greater Daemons with great sense of humor and a jolly split belly ready to jiggle with laughter. These merry guffaws make their entrails dangle from their open festering wounds, which Nurglings and Beasts love to jump up and down on and play with. You can smell the tangy perfume of ruptured boils, and it's said Nurgle himself is kind enough to coat their swords in the contagion of his own throne! What a swell chap; never too high and mighty to help his followers!
* '''[[Beast of Nurgle|Beasts of Nurgle]]''' - These are ''the'' puppydogs you asked Santa for! Complete and equipped with wagging tails, a long tongue to lick you in the face, the scampering excitement of youth, a slug-like texture and paralytic toxins!! If they get a little too excited they might piddle corrosive acid! Become a stalwart Nurgle follower and get one today!
* '''[[Rot Fly]]''' - Beasts of Nurgle who have become bitter and have transformed into a giant insect. Typically ridden by Plaguebearers into battle.
* '''[[Plaguebearers]]''' - Reincarnated souls of Nurgle's followers or the victims that fell to Nurgle's Rot. Nurgle is so generous that the gift of Daemonhood isn't just for Daemon Princes! They look like the bloated corpses of the drowned, but instead of water, they swell with pus and black bile. They are typically surrounded with swarms of buzzing flies, who make the plaguebearers much more complicated targets of shooting attacks. Really love to share their gifts. Their arms are made for hugging!
* '''[[Nurgling]]s''' - look like a tiny child's toy versions of Nurgle himself. They are CYOOOT and every Nurgle trooper wants the "shlorp, pitter, drip" of a pet Nurgling of their own, which is great because Nurglings can grow inside the skin of any Nurgle worshiper: the more plagued you are, the more likely you are to be "pregnant" with a few or more of these cute buggers at any given time.
* '''[[Poxwalkers]]''' - Mortals infected by Walking Pox and perhaps representing the transitional stage before one becomes a Plaguebearer after succumbing to Papa Nurgle's blessings. They are basically demon-powered zombies, shambling forward slowly and carrying only improvised melee weapons.
* '''[[Plague Marines]]''' - mostly consist of members of the [[Death Guard|Fourteenth Legion]], although a substantial number of the [[Black Legion|Sixteenth Legion]] are now also "blessed" with Papa Nurgle's gifts. As Astartes who are immune to pain and minor injuries, these guys are particularly difficult to kill.
* '''Plaguetouched Warbands''' - [[Warriors of Chaos]] who worship Nurgle, 'nuff said.
*'''[[Nurgle Rotbringers]]''' - His mortal servants in Age of Sigmar.
** Putrid Blightkings - Plaguetouched who are blessed with a living rot by Nurgle via his Daemonflies. Many have lost their internal organs and either constantly give birth to Nurglings or use it as a fungus-infested storage space (much like refrigerators in student corridors) or a place for hanging bells.
** Pusgoyle Blightlords - Elite Putrid Blightkings who have been given the right to ride a Rot Fly into battle.
** Harbingers of Decay - more corpses than men who ride from settlement to settlement spreading Nurgle's plagues.
** Rotbringers - the Wizards of Nurgle.
** Maggoth Lords - Blightkings who are particularly favored by Nurgle and are granted giant eyeless ogre-like Daemons with gaping maws called Pox Maggoths to ride.
** Feculent Gnarlmaw - Daemon-trees from the Garden of Nurgle that pop up in the wake of Nurglite incursions.

==Anecdotes about Nurgle==
[[Image:Nurgle_hug.JPG|thumb|Grandfather Nurgle loves all of his Children.]]
*About a year ago, I was out having a few drinks with the bois, when in walks Nurgle. He bought drinks for everyone in the bar. When we were all too hammered to drive home, he loaded us all up in his old Mazda 96 and bused us around town until we all made it back home. And when that cop pulled us over and tried to make trouble, Nurgle boiled his eyes out of his anus. Nurgle is a great guy.

*Me and Nurgle were going to go see this movie, I can't remember the name, and we were passing through the bad part of this Khornate neighborhood. Some fucking bloodletters ran out in front of the car and started denting up the damned thing. Nurgle just sits there, waiting for them to get out of the way, with that big goofy smile on his face. It wasn't until one of them busted my window and tried to drag me out of the car that Nurgle absolutely flips out. Before I know it, the whole road is ground zero for like an army of little black things. I couldn't figure out what they were until the bloodletters start screeching, running around in circles and clawing at their nuts, as their genitals just start exploding, one by one. Nurgle drives off, just wearing a smile. Fucker gave them all a case of super crabs. We laughed all the way to the show. I love Nurgle. He is a pretty fun guy to be around, just like Khârn.

*When I visited the Nurglette's family and met Papa Nurgle, he greeted me at the doorstep, football in hand, wearing an old fuzzy sweater and funny orange slacks, with a big goofy grin that said, "I like you already."

*Y'know, its a good thing in that grimdark universe, with [[Eldar|pointy aliens]] blowing off your limbs, some [[Necron|undead robots]] trying to de-atomize you, the Imperium with its Throne Vegetable for an emperor and the Inquisition trying to [[Exterminatus]] the shit out of everybody, you get to have the most loving family circle ever. Sure, you start to smell a little funny, get a sore here and there, a rash in your ass, but hell, you never ever feel pain or get upset since you no longer fear death, you get to have an immortal, eternal father that spreads joy and gifts all around, with plenty to spare, and a nurglette wife that is most loving and caring, if you can stand her burps and farts. And while you will be the most hideous thing in the universe, what use is appearance and health if everybody else is willing to take it away from you?

*When i was about 7 years old, my mother got diagnosed with lung cancer. After a month or two, her condition became worse and she started to have these random coughing fits and shortly thereafter, she started to cough blood. My father was not allowed to take a loan to try to find a trustworthy and professional (and thus expensive) doctor to set up a recovery program. So my mother decided to just live on pain pills and do as much as possible for our family before her body gave up. Then one day, completely out of nowhere, my mother collapses on the stairs of our home and does not wake up even as we put wet blankets on her face. My father takes the car and immediately drives us to the hospital. The physicians tell us that her body is dying. She is in great pain and there is nothing we can do. As we are standing there, next to her bunk, exhausted from unrest and tears, i see Nurgle standing next to me. Time freezes and the room suddenly fills with a sweet scent, like those white flowers of blooming apple trees. Nurgle has this goofy smile on his face. He reaches down towards my mother and just as i see his finger make contact with her shoulder, she gasps and her face lights up as if she instantly got 20 years younger. She looks so beautiful and innocent, laying there. Nurgle tells me that he is sorry, but for my mother to stop feeling pain, he needs to take her with him. Her goodness, beauty and love will live for ever. As i see my mother's skin darken and fall off, to reveal corrupted and worm-infested flesh, sliding off in heaps to eventually reveal the bones turning into milky paste, i hear her last words: "Thank you...". Nurgle saved my mother and for that, i am eternally thankful. Nurgle is love, Nurgle is life.

==Relationship with other Gods==

* [[Tyranid]] [[Hive Mind]] : You might think that the Hive Mind hates Nurgle, as he causes biomass to go bad and be unrecyclable, but really the Hive does not care. Meat just becomes fungi and bacteria which are also in turn subsumed into the swarm. In turn Nurgle though dislikes the Tyranids as they not only have a high disease resistance and quickly become immune to any disease he throws at them, they also end the cycle of life and death by consuming everything and leaving nothing behind to rot anew.

* [[Tzeentch]]: Nurgle and Tzeentch are archenemies, though their relationship is still a great deal friendlier than Khorne and Slaanesh. Nurgle thinks that Tzeentch should accept people for who they are, consider the feelings of the people that he steps on in his many schemes and plots and be more loving to his followers and daemons - y'know, treat them like a family, instead of faceless pawns. Tzeentch's opinion was pretty difficult to understand, due to frequent tourettes-like outbursts of "[[JUST AS PLANNED]]". Half of our crew report that he thinks that Nurgle should stop dwelling on the past, get used to collateral damage and stop being such a wuss, while the other half think the complete opposite. Empirical evidence show that they are still far more likely to cooperate than Khorne and Slaanesh would be, if only for a little while. After all, one can flow into the other: grief and despair can be fertile ground for hope, and crushing someone's dreams can drive them into depression.

* [[Khorne]]: Nurgle isn't very comfortable with Khorne's "Kill 'em all, fuck sorting them out"-policy, though he likes the fact that Khorne refuses to allow his mortal followers and daemons to attack the innocent and helpless (except in most of Khorne's fluff, when the writers forget this, but hey, this is clearly Imperial propaganda to make Khornites look bad), even if the reason for it is... questionable. Nurgle thinks that Khorne should calm down, stop fighting anything that looks like it would present anything resembling a challenge and actively protect those who can't fight for themselves, rather than punishing those followers who can't live up to his expectations. When asked what he thinks of Nurgle, Khorne responded with a long stream of curses, oaths and obscenities, strung together while foaming at the mouth. Empirical evidence shows that they did, however, help to save Khaela Mensha [[Khaine]] from being killed, raped and eaten by Slaanesh, though Khaine unfortunately ended up being broken in pieces in the process.

* [[Slaanesh]]: Nurgle isn't big on Slaanesh's omniphilia and sadomasochism. Nurgle likes Slaanesh the least of all Chaos gods; the biggest reason to this has its root during Slaanesh's inception, when Nurgle watched in horror as the newborn hermaphrodite killed and raped nearly all the Eldar Gods and Goddesses. Nurgle saved [[Isha]] from the perverted freak and cheered Khorne on as he fought to save Khaela Mensha Khaine, while helping Cegorach to hide in the [[Webway]]. Our interview with Slaanesh on the subject of Nurgle took the longest time of all. The details of the interview shall not be revealed in public documents as these, but simply put, Slaanesh sees Nurgle as an ugly, fat, boring and "unsexy" amoeba; let that sink in, the omniphile calling someone "unsexy". Slaanesh is in addition cranky that all STDs are accredited to Nurgle and not her/him/it.

* [[Nightbringer]]: Nurgle isn't very happy about how coldly and mercilessly the C'tan butchers all living things and then devours their souls. Nightbringer was surprisingly calm during our talk and even offered us a cup of tea. We sat down and listened to him talk for hours about how he can't fight his own nature, that he is rather upset with Nurgle often stealing his Grim Reaper schtick, as well as that Nurgle is a no-good two-bit youngster. These two apparently represent the polar opposites of how death could come for you.

* [[The Deceiver]]: Nurgle thinks that the Deceiver is like Tzeentch without all the magic, while having the dickish aspects of personality multiplied tenfold. When asked about his opinion, the Deceiver gave us a set of riddles, caused one third of our interview crew to walk away, convinced another third to attack us, and made the rest of us hallucinate as if on acid.

* The [[Void Dragon]]/[[Omnissiah|Machine God]]: Nurgle isn't very fond of the fact that the Void Dragon eats the souls of those who have metal parts in their bodies and is quite unnerved of what he'll do when he wakes up. The Void Dragon was quite impossible to reach for an interview, since the Adeptus Mechanicus simply laughed in our faces when we asked for entry to the Noctis Labyrinthus.

* [[C'tan|The Outsider]]: Nurgle isn't sure what to think of the Outsider, but then again no one is, because he doesn't want to come out of that big sphere of his. We knocked, left gifts outside and even detonated a warp drive a couple of kilometers away, but he wouldn't come out for an interview.

* [[Emperor|The Emperor]]: When asked about the Emperor, Nurgle's typical goofy grin widened when he said: "I don't like referring to that old friend as The Anathema, but i sure love to irritate him in all kinds of ways. He is a nice chap, that one, but he really has no sense of humor.". Nurgle then proceeded to make most of our team fall asleep by nostalgically telling us of their poker nights and how happy he was when he [[TTS|invented the infamous nose-itch that has been irritating the Emperor for some thousands of years now.]] Unfortunately for Nurgle, Emps didn't really returned the favour and proceeded to burn his entire fucking garden down and wounding him '''''permanently'''''.

* [[Isha]]: Nurgle turned very serious when asked about his wife, which unnerved those awake and woke up those still asleep from his tales about poker nights with the Emperor. Nurgle gave us the impression of being overly protective, when he adamantly forbid us to get even close to the garden where Isha resides. He told us about how he rescued her from Slaanesh ten thousand years ago and how he cooks for her. His love is serious and very strong. In the end, Nurgle got so excited from talking about how he shows his affection towards Isha, that he showed some of his favorite food recipes to us, which accidentally made the majority of our reporters to hemorrhage or internally combust. For those unfamiliar with the Eldar pantheon, Isha is the goddess of life, fertility and healing, which makes her immune to Nurgle's cooking and infamously poor hygiene. This arrangement is begging for a romantic sitcom. In Warhammer Fantasy universe, she is known as [[Shallya]] and/or Kalara.

* [[Khaine|Khaela Mensha Khaine]]: Nurgle is still upset that he and Khorne couldn't save Khaine from breaking during the fight with Slaanesh. Nurgle tries to be nice to the Avatars of Khaine that pop up every now and then, even if they don't often return the favor, since being the Eldar god of War and Murder precludes silly things like friendship and interviews.

* [[Cegorach]]: While Nurgle thinks that the Laughing God was more than a little selfish to hide behind Khaine and then Khorne, he is rather fond of the galaxy's greatest comedian and plays poker with him on a regular basis. When asked what Cegorach thinks of Nurgle, our interview crew died laughing, so we had to recruit a completely new one. Recording this joke would need the help of a typically humorless mechanicum tech adept, but recruiting one for this task is simply impossible. The joke would simply have to rest for now.

* [[Malal]]: Nurgle is concerned for Malal's self-destructing tendencies and self-inflicted solitary confinement. To demonstrate, he took some pastries and cooked a can of tea and took our crew out on a stroll to visit Malal. We knocked and the door opened just little enough for some anti-particles to escape the room beyond. Next moment, the door was slammed in our face with a force that sent everyone except Nurgle flying. Having the patience on the level not rivaled by anyone else, Nurgle simply put the tray down outside the door. On our way back, Nurgle told us that every next time he visits Malal, he finds the tray empty of its contents. That's nice.

* [[Great Horned Rat]]: A combination of a putrid, corrupted beast and Tzeentch, who squats in Nurgle's Garden. ''Nobody'' likes The Horned Rat and thus no interview was bothered to be made. After Slaanesh was kidnapped by Elves in Age of Skubmar, Nurgle joined the other Chaos Gods in voting The Horned Rat into the Great Game as Slaanesh's replacement. That being said, Great Horned Rat has been compared to an unwanted bastard child, and the analogy is well deserved.

*[[Gork]] and [[Mork]]: Whilst attempting to interview Nurgle about the Greenskin Gods, the one we assumed to be Gork smashed through the wall and crushed the coffee table, whereupon Mork burst through and attempted to disembowel him with a table leg. Our team was unable to describe what occurred next so we shall put it down to Warp trickery, but the next thing they knew Nurgle was holding them both at arms length while insisting that they make up. Mork begrudgingly held out a hand which Gork took, and as soon as they were put down, Gork heaved his brother over his shoulder and through the other wall. Sighing, Nurgle told us that they were good boys at heart, but that most of the time he had to repair the house after they have left. We managed to track down the two Gods while they were calmer and asked them for their opinions. "He's a good guy beneath all rotten flesh, and unlike a certain feathery c**t he doesn't cheat at cards" we assumed that this was Mork. "'at's roit." our suspicions were confirmed. "He doesn't try to interfere with our domains and isn't a dick to his servants" continued Mork. "'at's roit." Gork supplied. "Unlike Khorne and aforementioned feathery c**t. He also doesn't mind being stuck with driving duties come Saturday." Mork said. "'at's roit." Gork said, nodding sagely. "Shut up Gork. You sound like you're f**king brain-dead!" "'at's roit!" Finished a very happy Gork.

* [[Archaon]]: Nurgle's opinion of Archaon is the same as of the other Chaos Gods. He can test Archaon whenever he wants and Archaon always passes. Archaon can be counted on as being a useful tool that can destroy entire universes, but his hatred of the Chaos Gods ensures none of them will ever have any more control over him than anyone else. This resulted in Nurgle putting everything he has under Archaon's command.

*[[Ynnead]]: Nurgle isn't really big on Ynnead stealing his "God of death" shtick. More info soon.

== Side Effects ==
Side effects of worshiping Papa Nurgle may include (and are not limited to):
mild discomfort of the neck, aches, pains, boils, scabs, heavy scarring, cysts, abcesses, internal bleeding, external bleeding, bleeding from the gums, bleeding from eyes and ears, pissing blood, sweating, dehydration, carbuncles, rash, zits, pimples, pustules, buboes, pus-filled sores, sore-filled pus, flatulent boils, smelly bellybutton (AKA smellybutton), swollen bellybutton, exploding bellybutton, bellybutton fluff, bellybutton crunch, nausea, vomiting, bloody vomit, black vomit, black & bloody vomit, fecal vomit, bloody fecal vomit, spicy fecal vomit, bad breath, shortness-of-breath, excess-of-breath, yellow fingernails, cabbage burp, Down's syndrome, Up Syndrome, Left-Right-'N-Center Syndrome, Dave's Syndrome, delerium tremens, sneezing, dry nose, wet nose, running nose, sprinting nose, coughing, dry cough, wet cough, not-so-dry-but-still-raspy cough, tickly cough, dude-not-funny cough, fever, hay fever, Dengue fever, yellow fever, red fever, green fever, fuchsia fever, rainbow fever, plaid fever, transparent fever, color-out-of-space fever, cabin fever, jungle fever, Saturday Night Fever, meat sweats, vegetable sweats, jock itch, nerd itch, athlete's foot, athlete's arm, athletes, swimmer's ear, water on the knee, gravy on your tie, tennis elbow, scholar's elbow, farmer's tongue, ploughman's bottom, milkmaid's nipples, browning of the nipples, tender nipples, hard nipples, kitten nipples, third nipples, shitting dick nipples, [[Furry|udderballs]], postman's anus, vertigo, drowsiness, suicidal thoughts, sleepiness, lockjaw, slackjaw, Southern Drawl, slack vagina, slack everything, cut me some slack, insomnia, mad cow disease, mad snail disease, mad Welshman disease, <s>mad</s> disgruntled postal worker disease, loose bowels, obstructed bowels, impacted bowels, Bowels Of The Earth, constipation, diarrhoea, sonic diarrhoea, explosive diarrhoea, implosive diarrhoea, impulsive diarrhoea, convulsive diarrhoea, compulsive diarrhoea, repulsive diarrhoea, propulsive diarrhoea, verbal diarrhoea, rectal ventriloquism, love handles, hate handles, jiggly handles, nasal leakage, anal leakage, genital leakage, general leakage, [[Brundlepenis]], black death, pink death, black eye, pink eye, Evil Eye, genetic disorders, memetic disorders, heretic disorders, [[BLAM|sudden onset of BLAM]], heart attack, art attack, dart attack, fart attack, shark attack, farting shark dart attack, lung cancer, lung Saggitarius, loss of skin, loss of hair in places you want it, growth of hair in places you don't want it, loss of teeth, loss of cartilage, loss of bone, loss of dick, loss of sense of smell (be grateful), loss of self-esteem, loss of job, blood clots, crud blots, spilling guts, mopping up guts, blue balls, blue ovaries, blue sphincter, scabies, folliculitis, dermatitis, hives, BEES!, frothing mouth, cotton mouth, foot-and-mouth, foot-in-mouth, well-shut-my-mouth, The Innsmouth Look, rabies, fear of soap, fear of water, pus excrement, mild gas, moderate gas, medium gas, severe gas, holy-shit-who-died gas, Jumpin' Jack Flash it's a gas gas gas, whooping cough, hollering cough, mortality, sudden mortality, not-so-sudden mortality, sudden immorality, sudden surreality, baby mortality, super-mortality, immortality, almost-but-not-quite immortality, nurglopromorphism, nurgleaproposism, nurgleabilia, smallpox, super small pox, large pox, medium pox, medium-rare pox, chicken pox, eagle pox, turducken pox, fox-in-socks-eating pox, the sudden urge to eat ham, baldness, blood clotting, AIDS, super-AIDS, space AIDS, STD's, STI's, STQ's, zombification(Voodoo), zombification(Romero), non-sparkling vampirism, artificial insemination, traditional insemination, artificial exsemination, uncontrollable exsemination, uncontrollable exsanguination, uncontrollable lactation, uncontrollable Croatian, crabs, giant crabs, super-crabs, dire crabs, giant dire super-crabs, giant enemy crabs, spycrabs, spylobsters (AKA uncontrollable crustacean), typhus, malaria, polio, diptheria, Tom please come home your mother is scared and the cat is missing, tuberculosis, dick rot, sniffles, jungle dick rot, dick sniffles, jungle dick sniffles, rotten dick jungles, raging murder boner, salmonella, spamonella, Sam O'Nella, random and painful erections, pseudorandom and painful erections, random and painful injections, random and painful ejections, the condition known as hotdog fingers, mummification, daddification, Ebola, everything tasting of goats, reduced sex drive, reduced sex walk, spontaneous breakouts of "HEUHEUHEU", moderate discomfort of the neck, scurvy, the bends, auto-brewery syndrome, cheese, The Dreaded Lurgi, encephalitis lethargica, harlequin icthyosis, multiple prolapsed organs, becoming a sphere, eye loss, eye growth, eye see what you did there, ancient rotten smegma (don't look up what that word means) everywhere, several kinds of helminthiasis including dracunculiasis, tapeworm, threadworm, pinworm, ringworm, squareworm, The Great Worm, hookworm, lineworm, sinkerworm, psychadelic mushrooms in your armpits, attracting flies, [[SCP Foundation|SCP-008, SCP-610, SCP-835]], WD-40, Covid-19, Covid-20, Covfefe, mutations, permutations, transmutations, [[Chaos Spawn|sanity destroying mutations]], it all going to your thighs, and then blowing up. In most cases, side effects are generally in the extreme and permanent.

Nurgle is not for women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant. If you experience an erection lasting longer than four hours then please <s>give Slaanesh your phone number</s> seek immediate medical attention. Do not worship Nurgle while driving or operating heavy machinery. Consult your physician before worshiping Nurgle. Batteries not included, no purchase necessary; void where prohibited, see store for details.

==Disclaimer==
If you join Nurgle, we can't promise that you'll become the most attractive person in the world, or that you will be accepted in many places, but Nurgle has a place for each and every one of us in his great big ol' diseased heart.

== Fun Nurgle Facts ==
* Nurgle, despite being the third most powerful Chaos God, has possibly the smallest fanbase in Warhammer 40k. Apparently having [[Khorne|RAGE]] fits, being allowed to scream [[Tzeentch|JUST AS PLANNED!]] and receiving [[Slaanesh|PROMOTIONS]] is better than friendship and love, or anything else that Papa Nurgle offers. In contrast, he has the single largest fanbase in Warhammer Fantasy, partially due to how easy his models are to modify with greenstuff and how overpowered his army has always been.
* Despite being the God of despair and decay, he's ironically a lot friendlier than the [[Tzeentch|God of change and hope]].
* As discussed in a /tg/ thread, the "Garden of Nurgle" may be a metaphor for Isha and Nurgle being the same entity. This works great with the idea of Grandpa Nurgle in a dress, pretending to be a space elf princess and fits quite nicely with the "king of the [[Neckbeards]]"-theme some fa/tg/uys had developed.
**Nurgle has a strong association with fungi, bacteria and virus, things which cause or profit from sickness and death. Funny thing about all three is that they also are were humanity's strongest medicines come from. Penicillin comes ''penicillium mold'' for example and it is hardly a one-off. Could Isha be giving us a hand? "Whispering" the cures of his poxes to us?
* According to [[Storm of Magic]], when Nurgle gets upset or depressed, he wanders off into the many bogs of his region of the Realm of Chaos to hunt [[Plague Toads]], squashing them to cheer himself up. They make a fun squishing sound (we're actually not joking here, this is legitimately canon).
* Nurgle's triple-circle symbol looks like a stylized fly (the animal most commonly considered holy to Nurgle), a stylized version of the biohazard symbol, and also represents the cycle of death, decay and rebirth, over which Nurgle has dominion.
* Nurgle is the only Chaos God whose Daemons look just about like him. Plaguebearers don't, but that's because they're the possessed souls of fallen enemies.
* According to the Tome of Decay for [[Black Crusade]], Nurgle sees his role in the cosmos as a sort of galactic recycler. Entropy rises when life grows so old that Order stagnates and decays, meaning Chaos's job is to consume and destroy everything, leaving rot in abundance for new, verdant life to be born from, clean and pure, until the cycle repeats again. Imagine forest fires that occur naturally to set a clean slate to the flora, before it almost chokes itself to death by overgrowing. Nurgle's job, as he sees it, is to euthanize the galaxy as quickly and as painlessly as possible, and as far as he's concerned, the galaxy is well over due the time where it should have been cleansed to start a new life cycle.
** Ironically, this is a valid argument for Nurgle and Tzeentch to work together in harmony for a common goal. Nurgle clears out the trash and gives Tzeentch the room to begin again. The galaxy becomes a blank slate for Tzeentch to experiment and coax new life to take shape and rise in the next cycle. Contrarily, this is also an argument for Nurgle and Tzeentch to fight with each other, as the God of Change is not doing his job properly. Instead, he is, ironically again, perpetuating the status quo for whatever reason, rather than letting Nurgle do his thing. Possibly Tzeentch is still helping him, since his plans might appear to maintain the status quo, while really planing seeds for the final collapse. Even in real-life scenarios, in many cases of stagnation, the measures that are applied to hold a society or system afloat, eventually become too many until everything eventually collapses all over itself.
*** He apparently succeeds at this goal in [[The End Times]] of [[Warhammer Fantasy]]. Perhaps fitting, along with the various analyses on this page. Tzeentch seemed mostly cool with the fact, while Slaanesh wasn't.
* Nurgle's main daemon unit, the Plaguebearers, are the second-most fucking impossible to kill enemies in Warhammer Fantasy, surpassed only by Plaguemarines in 40k and Great Unclean Ones in Fantasy. Worth noting that the Plague Marines are just Plaguebearers with cool armor and guns, while Great Unclean Ones are miniature versions of Nurgle himself. Each one can soak up 13.5 bolter shots on average, before dropping dead (do not ever 100% trust mathhammer though), which some find unreasonable, considering that they cost one point less than regular space marines, meaning that a more expensive model will have little hope in killing it by the time it usually takes to complete a full game. You don't want to know how many lasgun shots is needed to be fired at one to kill it (36). Then you get into Fantasy, where you need fire, and as much of it as possible... and cannons. Lots and lots of cannons.
* Nurgle's the reason you're itching right now.
* Despite what you may think, Nurgle can fail. And he knows it. Case in point: [[Luke]].
*Mentioning the name of Pasteur in front of Nurgle makes him go into such a rage even Khorne gets appalled: he still hasn't managed to catch the old doc's soul, ''hon hon hon''. For that matter, count Jensen, Fleming, and Yersin among Papa Nurgle's blacklist too.
* Slaanesh pissed off Nurgle by constantly wanting to get Isha back. Nurgle in retaliation created STDs.
* According to the 8th Edition Chaos Codex, Nurgle once attempted to create a flesh-eating disease but [[Fail|accidentally created a disinfectant]]. Not even the bravest of Great Unclean Ones dare bring up the subject again. Again, this is legitimately canon. Even make sense if you think about it, Penicillin does come from a mold.
* Nurgle does not extend his "free hugs" policy to Tzeentch. Not out of hate, but because they will cancel each other out of existence.
* Nurgle once tried his hand at [[World of Warcraft]]. The result was the Corrupted Blood incident.
* Nurgle's daemons, particularly the Great Unclean Ones, are among the most characterful daemons in all Warhammer lore and literature, though this largely because they are among the only daemons actually allowed to have personalities.
* When the COVID-19 pandemic began, Nurgle developed a taste for Corona beer jokes and declared China to be his favorite country of 2019. Unsubstantiated rumors say Nurgle sent a gift basket to the city of Wuhan in China's Hubei province. He'd also like China's President Xi Jinping more after this, if not for the man's Tzeentchian scheming.
** The Plague Marine Propaganda Department is the reason for the Anti-mask protests in places like America and Australia.
* Nurgle enjoyed watching the series "Primal" by Samurai Jack creator Genndy Tartakovsky. After hearing that Khorne was looking for pet dinosaurs, Nurgle decided to give it a go, but being less bloodthirsty than Khorne he chose plant-eaters instead, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXRsgFSaT9Y starting with a duck-billed hadrosaur and a long-necked sauropod].
* When Nurgle refers to his "Swamp Crotch," it's not a figure of speech. There's a complete fucking food chain down there.

==Famous Servants==
*Bubonicus - Nurgle's version of Khorne's [[Doombreed]], Slaanesh's [[N'kari]], and Tzeentch's [[M'kachan]]. Like Slaanesh's second in command, Bubonicus has no chance of being a real life historical figure unlike M'Kachan and Doombreed since he was born a good deal after humanity became a space faring species and was not in fact, born on Terra, but instead hailed from the same planet as N'kari. He is something of an oddity among the four Great Daemon Princes, since he's not roughly as old as Nurgle, while the other three are about as old as their respective gods. He has a huge line of dancers on one planet that goes across said planet's equator and they keep on dancing until they catch Uber-Syphillis and become Plaguebearers, at which point they leave to fight for Nurgle while someone else takes their place. The absolute fucking life of the [[Krieg|party]]. His primary rival among the Daemon princes is not M'Kachan as one would expect, but N'Kari, as they were enemies in their mortal life.
*[[Scabeiathrax]] - Nurgle's version of Khorne's An'ggrath, Slaanesh's Zarakynel and Tzeentch's Aetaos'Rau'Keres (say that five times fast). Famous for having T9 and 10 wounds meaning that he's completely impervious to any attack that doesn't at least have S6. He's the biggest and strongest of all of Nurgle's Greater Daemons and is probably the strongest of all of his servants in general. If Ulkair has 2,800,000 hit points, then Scabeiathrax would have 280,000,000,000.
*[[Ku'Gath]] - Ku'Gath was once a small nurgling sitting on the shoulder of Nurgle while he was concocting his greatest disease yet. Suddenly, Ku'gath slipped off of Nurgle's shoulder and straight into the pot he was cooking in, accidentally swallowing it all and becoming a Great Unclean One in the process. Nurgle laughed the whole incident off, but Ku'Gath felt guilty of robbing Nurgle of his greatest achievement. Since then, Ku'Gath has been trying to recreate the disease that he ruined in his ascension to greater daemonhood.
*[[Rotigus]] - A Great Unclean One worshipped throughout both the Mortal Realms and the Milky Way as a fertility god. Known as the "Rainfather" for his ability to conjure up Nurgle's Deluge, a rain of filth that perpetually surrounds him.
*[[Epidemius]] - A Herald of Nurgle and his greatest Tallyman.
*[[Horticulous Slimux]] - A Herald of Nurgle said to be his first Daemon he ever made (and by implication, probably was patient zero for Nurgle's Rot). Is Nurgle's chief Gardener, and rides a giant snail called Mulch.

===40k===
*[[Mortarion]] - Daemon Primarch of the Death Guard that hasn't done much since ascending to Daemonhood but to sit around all grumpy up until the Great Rift and Guilliman woke up. Mortarion has now reunited the Death Guard and are now having a party.
*[[Typhus|Typhus The Traveler, Herald of Nurgle]] - A rational fellow, mostly famous for being a tough son of a bitch to kill which is owed to the fact that he is encased in [[Terminator]] armor and is fully pledged to Nurgle. Typhus to Nurgle is what Khárn is to Khorne, which means that he's Nurgle's favorite mortal servant. Also famous for grabbing guardsmen and Marines alike with his scythe to drag them closer to his hug-friendly arms as well as causing zombie-plagues. Too bad that everyone who gets too close to him rot away into a pile of green slop. Typhus is also the name of a disease, because GW are nothing if [[Oinkbane|not subtle]].
*[[Ulkair|Ulkair the Great Unclean One]] - Ulkair is notable due to his history with the [[Blood Ravens]], and was imprisoned by Kyras a thousand years before the story line of Chaos Rising. Came back when Eliphas sacrificed a bunch of Blood Ravens and provided him with a Plague marine to possess. A notoriously tough bastard.
*[[Foulspawn]] - Foulspawn is the only known case where, after becoming a [[Chaos Spawn|you-know-what]], it did not die, but rather continued it's existence by swallowing its victims whole. Currently keeps the record of giving the best hugs in this galaxy.
*Cor'bax Utterblight - Cor'bax Utterblight is a daemon prince that was summoned by the [[Word Bearers]] during the [[Horus Heresy]]. He was created by [[Forge World]] for the Horus Hersey tabletop game. For [[ The Horus Heresy: Legions]] he is absolutely bombastic.
*Deacon Mamon - A demagogue of Nurgle who ascended to become a Daemon Prince after his efforts in corrupting the planet [[Vraks]]. Another Forge World Nurgle Daemon Prince.

===Fantasy===
*[[Orghotts Daemonspew]] - The child of a human Witch and a Great Unclean One (don't ask, imagine the details yourself) who wants to join his father by becoming a Daemon. Tried to contract Nurgle's Rot and become a Plaguebearer, but when his already quasidaemonic nature made that fail he decided it was better to become a Daemon Prince. Leader of the Maggoth Lords.
*[[Festus the Leechlord]] - A man who fancies himself to be Nurgle in mortal form. Constantly makes concoctions from experimental diseases and forces his enemies to drink them.
*[[Bloab Rotspawned]] - A Maggoth Lord made up mostly of flies wearing a human skin as "punishment" for torturing tiny insects out of petty spite.
*[[Morbidex Twiceborn]] - A Maggoth Lord who resembles a Nurgling, and commands a vast swarm of them. Has a grudge against Tzeentch due to being severely burned as a child and his tribe believing that Tzeentch was the god of fire.
*[[Tamurkhan]] - An extremely successful Maggot Lord blessed with the power to [[Lucius the Eternal| claim the flesh and bodies of his enemies as his own if defeated in combat]], albeit in a much more... direct way than his obvious comparison. Very successful, and almost claimed the Throne of Chaos before being undone in his hour of triumph by a carefully-orchestrated suicide attack.
*[[The Glottkin]] - A trio of Daemonic brothers: Ghurk - that has become something akin to a Great Unclean One, Otto - the tactician of the three, and Ethrac - the Wizard.
*[[Gutrot Spume]] - A highly mutated servant of Nurgle who's known for his arrogance. Leads a vast fleet of Nurglite pirates.

===/tg/===
*[[Puc'Kao]] - Nurgle's daemonic tooth rot fairy, gum disease and sweets. Often seen as an overweight, pus-dripping cherub who likes to play pranks on people, usually by removing healthy teeth from the mouths of unsuspecting mortals as they sleep. As you can expect he is a fun guy.
*[[Luke]] - I don't know where to start. Just... Ugh.
*<s>Chris-Chan</s> {{BLAM| THIS INFORMATION HAS BEEN REDACTED BY ORDER OF THE HOLY INQUISITION OF THE GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND. CARRY ON, CITIZEN}}
*Cystus The Malignant - The sickest fuck to inhabit realspace since Typhus himself. Fan created Chaos lord whose endeavors are still being written.
*[https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/220879.php Chairlord of Nurgle] - A morbidly obese Ohio man whose very flesh became fused to his recliner, rendering him unable to be removed from it. There he remained seated in the recliner for multiple years soaking in his own filth and bodily excretions and covered in maggots, being fed by his underlings. When the news of his death reached /tg/ around 2011 they immediately recognized the man as a herald of Nurgle, dubbing him the Chairlord.
*[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Mallon Mary Mallon] - The namesake for the term "Typhoid Mary". An Irish woman born in the 19th century, Mary emigrated to the US and became a cook. In the 20th century when Typhoid Fever broke out, people she served started falling ill, and after testing Mary was found to be an asymptomatic carrier of the pathogen associated with typhoid fever (she had the virus, was immune to the virus herself but could infect others - like a true champion of Nurgle). Despite the test and being quarantined, Mallon was adamant she wasn't sick and escaped multiple times to go back to her cooking job, even using different names to avoid detection. Eventually, she was recaptured and incarcerated in high level security for the rest of her life (over 30 years) before dying of pneumonia. During her life, at least three deaths are attributed to an infection from her, with estimates putting the actual number as high as fifty.
** Interestingly, there were others like her who had more deaths attributed to them from Typhoid Fever, such as the men Tony Labella, Alphonse Cotils and a tour guide nicknamed "Typhoid John", but Mary was the most high profile (likely due to repeated escapes).
*Anti-vaxxers.
*Anyone who's worked on developing a bioweapon.
*Healthy At Every Size ''un''activists (so most, if not all of, the fat acceptance movement)

As a general note, the followers of Nurgle usually retain high levels of common sense compared to followers of the other Chaos Gods. Probably because they don't usually go insane to the point of uncontrollable defecation, they just defecate uncontrollably (sanity has nothing to do with it). They usually get creative in their conquests and tend to get cool gear and use it well. Plague Marines for example, got bored with regular frag - and krak grenades and decided to instead use the SEVERED HEADS of their enemies: zombified, plague-ridden, embalmed, severed heads.

Here we have [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUAqdPpWGZo a typical conversation between two Nurgle cultists].
[[File:Nurgle TWW3.png|400px|thumb|right|Nurgle as he appears during survival battles in Total War: Warhammer 3]]
==Total War: Warhammer 3==
In the game you must collect the souls of 4 daemon princes, one from each Chaos god, in order to fight Belakor and get to Ursun. Nurgle's realm is an absolute slog-- as it should be! Unlike the other realms, in Nurgle's you always take attrition damage; this means it's a race to get the spot to fight Nurgle's daemon prince. However you are a human and have a brain, so unlike the AI who will never set up camp, you can force march to get there a bit faster, encamp, replenish your numbers, crush a weakened AI army, force march, and repeat. This can be a slog but it's better than, say, Tzeetnch. On a side note, if you're playing Kugath you will not suffer any attrition so while his campaign might suck at the moment, at least Nurgle is pretty easy on you.

==Famous Diseases==
You thought Khorne was bad? You ain't seen nothin'. Here's what Nurgle cooks up for his grandkids.

*Destroyer Plague - Plague flies burrow into every [[PROMOTIONS|orifice]] and fill you with their eggs. This causes you to burst in an explosion of more plague flies, which literally fill the assholes of everyone nearby. Plague flies are also [[SCP Foundation|spread via reading about plague flies]]. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*Bonewrack - Your own bones rip your body apart and suffocate you, à la [https://doom.fandom.com/wiki/Codex/Monsters#Revenant_III the Revenants from Doom 2016]. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*Doubtworm - A [[SCP Foundation|memetic]] virus which is spread by hearing a very specific phrase, "The Emperor Isn't Real." Those infected turn into zombies, turn back into humans, and then turn into big cuddly worms. This is the best Nurgle plague, because The Emperor Isn't- {{BLAM|EXTRA FUCKING HERESY!}} {{BLAM}} {{BLAM}} {{BLAM}}
*Fydae Strain - AKA "10% of the reasons why psykers are killed on sight in the Imperium of Man". Basically turns psykers into Typhoid Mary. You, a latent psyker, are infected by the Fydae strain and are forever [[Plot armor|immune]] to it's effects. You are also likely immune to all diseases, forever. The downside is that you are now unknowingly and invisibly spewing out the Fydae Strain virus everywhere. You do just fine, it's just that everything else around you rots away, spreading to cover the entire planet. The disease is sapient, holy fuck, and does what it can to remain undetected. Everybody starts rotting away almost at the same time, and then they usually have seizures so hard they get killed. This also summons a bunch of Nurgle cultists, but honestly at this point it doesn't matter. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*[[Obliterator]] Virus - You turn into [[Dakka|guns]]. This is the best Nurgle plague.
*Walking Pox - Similar to Zombie Plague, but [[Grimdark|worse]]. Instead of a regular zombie, you become a shambling, rotting abomination which is extra spiky and bloated. You are fully conscious and aware as you watch your disgusting rotsack body kill everyone you love. Walking Pox is spread by moaning. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*Nurgle's Rot - Your body and soul start rotting away. This is a slow process with no cure, because Nurgle is an asshole (not the kind that gets filled with fly eggs though). A disgusting seed pod is created in Nurgle's [[Magical Realm|realm]] in the warp. When your body inevitably fails and your soul has been sucked into Nurgleville, the seed pod drops and opens. A [[Age of Sigmar|new, much shittier version]] of you shambles out as a plaguebearer. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*Witch-curse - You, a psyker, get supercharged so hard you kill everyone nearby. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Phantom Itching]] - An itching sensation in body parts that you no longer have, inducing madness in the infected due to being unable to scratch said itch. [[The Emperor]] himself is unfortunately inflicted with this particular disease, and even if he weren't immobile he can do nothing about it. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Crotch-Rot]] - a disease invented specifically to piss off [[Slaanesh]], since it directly targets the genitals and causes them to fall off, followed by painful death. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*HIV- One of Nurgle's most insidious diseases which was first unleashed on Terra mid-to-late M2. It attacks the body's immune system, leaving it ripe for conquest by other viruses. [[Meme|Most infamous for closing pools]].
*The Spanish Flu- After the first world war in late M2, Nurgle realized that Khorne was in ascendancy due to the sheer carnage and slaughter that went on, decided he could do better and unleashed a plague that ended up killing more people than the previous war.
*COVID-19 - A plague created on Terra in M3 that caused a massive pandemic and lockdown causing everyone to stay home, slowly let go of social norms, and just waste away in their own filth, increasing his power even more. [[Just as planned]].

Nurgle's diseases are far less damaging in the big picture than one would think. Given the literally crotch-liquefying horribleness of Nurgle's diseases (to get into some epidemiology; more deadly diseases generally burn themselves out very quickly, as they can't go to enough people before killing the host. TL;DR Nurgle needs to keep making diseases like COVID-19) , and the demostrated fact that a couple of Nurgle cultists can destroy a solar system's worth of planets, Papa N has remarkably little impact. Somehow everyone's not [[Necron|dead]] [[Nagash|yet]]. The meta reason is that WH40K: Medicae would be a truly shitty game. In universe, it could be that these sicknesses are warp-augmented and are not viable in a place free of warp interference. The lack of challenging the status quo with a superplague could also be because Nurgle is ''literally'' the god of "status quo is god". We've also got some [[Lord of Change|guardian angels]] watching over us, and [[Isha|two]] [[Tzeentch|gods]] working constantly to fuck up Nurgle's [[Just as planned|plans]].

== Trivia! ==
*Nurgle has been modelled after [[wikipedia:Nergal|Nergal]], the Assyrian deity of pestilence, disease, underworld, decay and hunting. He is the only Warhammer deity which has connotations to the real life deities.

*In Nurgle’s garden, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uor4IrNN0N4| the Plague Inc. theme plays on loop for eternity.]

== Gallery ==
'''<nowiki>*WARNING! NURGLINGS ARE NOT THIS CUTE!*</nowiki>
{{Promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-nurgle.jpg
Image:Nurgbeard.jpg|A neckbeard dedicated to Nurgle.
Image:Chaos God DnD.png|He brings a lot to the table.
Image:Nurglies.jpg|Nurgle's followers.
Image:Nurglette.png|Nurgle also has daemonettes. Too bad they all have chlamydia. (Then again if you worship Nurgle, it doesn't really matter!)
Image:Loli-daemonette_(12).jpg
Image:Loli-daemonette_(4).png
Image:Loli-daemonette_18.png
Image:Nurgmonette.jpg|You can touch those boobs, but don't complain if your hands fall off.
Image:Loli-daemonette_(20).jpg|Cultists devoted to Nurgle have a different relationship with their daemons than those devoted to [[Rip and tear|Khorne]], [[Rape|Slaanesh]] or [[Not as planned|Tzeentch]].
Image:Nurgle_troops.jpg|At home with the family.
Image:Chaos.jpg|She slept with the judge!
Image:Mallon-Mary_01.jpg|Typhoid Mary: A famous 20th century Nurgle champion. Nurgle's followers are not always easy to spot.
Image:GreatUncleanOne.jpg|Greater daemon of Nurgle, the Great Uncle One.
Image:pool.jpg|The powers of Nurgle laugh in the face of chlorine.
Image:laidbacknurglette.jpg|Daemonette of Nurgle (don't fap, it'll fall off).
Image:Nurgle trainer copy.jpg|None loves his Pokemon more than the Nurgle Trainer.
File:Typhus the traveller by chameleonbot.jpg|The Herald of Nurgle, charged with organizing everything for the big guy's arrival at concerts, parties, etc.
File:Dranon8.jpg|It's so mushy that it causes disease. Literally.
Image:Plaguemarines.jpg
Image:Decent Nurgmonette.jpg
Image:Cultist-Nurgle.jpg
Image:I Don't Know What This Was About But I'll Upload It Anyway.jpg
Image:Nurgle_aspiring_champion.jpg|An aspiring champion of Nurgle. Aspiring because he got caught.
</gallery>
</center>

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[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category: Maggotkin of Nurgle]]