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Humanity Fuck Yeah

2019-08-03T16:22:30Z

2620:105:B001:B101:9C80:8362:1632:682: /* Xenos Pay Attention You're Next */

'' "We poison our air and water to weed out the weak! We set off fission bombs in our only biosphere! We nailed our One True God to a stick!'' '''''Don't fuck with humanity!"'''''

Out of all threads that appear at the [[/tg/]], it is this kind of threads that hold that one special place in the hearts of [[neckbeards|fa/tg/uys]]. It shows [[Humans|humanity]] for what it really is: a savage but superior bunch of mighty and brilliant alphas with machines that [[rape]] any organism that dares stand in its path, then proceed to do the same to any aliens across which they come, as they are all pathetically inferior in every way. This can take many forms, including military, cultural, culinary, and sexual(is surprisingly not much). The foremost is the most common in these stories.

Many glorious hours of dedicated hard work were given to these threads, the finest lines of which would make any xeno race run to the edge of the known universe, even if the humans were still in the stone age. Reasons why humans are such a threat to the rest of the galaxy are various, but a good deal can be summed up in the following list:

*'''Our Creation''' - We were created and we THRIVED on all range of extreme environments all over the Earth, from the infernal heat of Africa where everything is trying to KILL YOU! '''ALL THE TIME!''', to the frigid apocalyptic wastelands of the North and the Ice Age where survival depended on constant invention and ingenuity. Fuck, the lowest recorded temperature in Canada (which most of America thinks is home to a bunch of pansies), where people live, is about that of [[Mars]], 33.9 million miles further away from the [[Sun]] than we are. Aliens usually evolved on some herbivore world or become less "on their guard" due to centuries of living away from nature, not troubled by survival.
*'''Our history''' - Humans have been getting better at killing each other basically even '''before''' they made stone axes, and we got [[awesome|better]] over time. You think proud warrior races have shit on us? Spartan style training they undergo makes only a handful of survivors. No matter how good they are, we'll just drown them in conscripts. We also nearly went extinct once, BECAUSE A '''HUGE''' VOLCANO EXPLODED, making us only have about 5000 INDIVIDUALS left and of them ONLY 40 PAIRS were BREEDING ONES. Did that make us quit? NOPE. Only about 70000 years later we had 7,4 BILLION INDIVIDUALS, having 100 TIMES more biomass than any other large animal species in the history of our planet!!! That is a [[Promotions|hell of a lot of breeding]] (which has also made us have a very low genetic variety almost making us inbred but not quite. BUT STILL)! The moral of the story is that do not fuck with us, xenos. No matter what you do WE WILL SURVIVE. And after a while: WE. WILL. THRIVE.
*'''Our bodies''' -So-called "apex predators" like lions, bears and sharks are relatively harmless compared to us. Our blood is literally made of iron. We're the ultimate omnivores, we hunt down, kill, burn and fu-{{BLAM}} {{BLAM|[[Furries|Heresy of the highest order!]]}} eat absolutely anything, sometimes to the point of ''rendering entire species to extinction'' (Woolly mammoths, which are basically fuckhueg elephants on steroids, learned this the hard way. And, contrary to what ''Jaws'' would have you believe, sharks are also getting the same genocidal treatment, as they're now a critically endangered species all because ''we eat their fins for fancy soup''). It's as if we are Tyranids without a hive mind. And if that piece of meat has parasites in it, or if that vegetable tastes a little too bland? No problem, as we have a little something called cooking: Just ''Burn'' it before you eat it! Kills the parasites so you can digest them, and also makes the flavour a lot better. We also, in a direct fuck you to Darwin's laws, have the reputation of consuming different kinds of toxic chemicals yet still remaining alive, all for the sake of the experience of consuming it: the most notorious of which is Alcohol, one of the most volatile, flammable, caustic solvents in chemistry that is for all intents and purposes, POISON. It's an instant [[Exterminatus]] for all bacteria and microorganisms, and a VX-like neurotoxin to invertebrates, arthropods and almost every other small animal. Why? Because it's FUN! We use nutmeg, a hepatotoxic hallucinogen (in higher doses anyway, although it contains chemicals similar to [[Spook|MDMA]]), because it's TASTY! If we have a headache ''after'' ingesting alcohol, we take acetaminophen, ''another'' drug that's a fuckyou to our liver that'll kill many other mammal species on the planet.
** Something that's also tend to be forgotten nowadays is that our ancestors were known for their extreme amounts of endurance. We used to walk for ''miles'' nonstop towards absolutely anywhere, and this physiology that evolved for a nomadic lifestyle is the reason for humanity spreading all over the earth when other terrestrial animals tend to stay only within a single biome. How do you think we were able to cross the inferno that was the Sahara, or settle in the infertile mountains of the North, without the use of modern amenities like cars, roads and trains?
*'''Our mind''' -The most terrifying aspect of us would probably be our brains and technology. Our aggressive instincts combined with our intelligence will never cease to come up with better and deadlier ways to warp reality in our own Image, and to torture and exterminate the enemy, and such would probably seem like incomprehensible Lovecraftian Magic to lower species. Our modern tech would scare the shit out of tribal communities. We have exterminated a lot of species like the Dodo ''simply by uncaring accident'' (which is probably why '''we are thriving during an extinction event''' (for now at least)). What we can come up with scares the shit out of ourselves even. Think Nuclear Weapons and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutual_assured_destruction M.A.D.] for example.

As you can see there is a lot of material to roll around in these kind of threads. Humans may not be as powerful sometimes, just a serious player in the galaxy through economic superiority or science, but that's not the real "Humanity Fuck Yeah" thread. The real deal is us having our way with the galaxy as we see fit. Murdering billions of xenos, or fucking them if they're hot enough, taking their delicious alien babies and eating them in front of their parents, mining their planets to the core and moving on, leaving nothing but dead rocks in our wake. We march on, our mantra singing through the stars:

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvlFvp8j6d8 '''GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING! ''']

== Xenos Pay Attention You're Next ==
Our species thought we knew war. We built our civilization on foundations of honor and prowess, we were like a rapier: crippling our foes with small yet decisive blows. We killed our enemies yet we allowed them to surrender, there was no needless killing. That was before the humans came and they showed us the truth... That we were just naive children and that true war is won through unrelenting cruelty and spite. Despite our warriors' training, despite all our experience, still we fell to the innumerable waves that the humans sent against us. They burned our worlds, slaughtering our children in horrific ways using them to learn how to kill us more efficiently. After many blood-filled years, these Terran butchers arrived on our home and they transformed it into a corpse-filled landscape. I tried to take my life but one of these power-armored animals stopped me. As he leveled his vicious weapon at me I noticed his face for the first time. His eyes were filled with murderous glee and his mouth twisted into a sneer as he whispered three final words to me: "Humanity, fuck yeah"...

''"Do they not know who we are, my brethren? We are the chosen of the Emperor, the scions of Terra. We are dominion and we are numberless. We are war itself and the death of all who oppose us. We are Humanity and we shall educate our ignorant foes as to the true meaning of that word!" -- Lord Inquisitor Aedrick Mantel of the Ordo Xenos, from [[Imperial Armour]] Volume 12 "The Fall of Orpheus".

In real life, there are people who claim encounters with aliens. Contrary to the popular trend here on HFY, the people who supposedly encountered aliens in real-life are often shocked or even frightened of them. In addition, abductees and witnesses stated the aliens had advanced technology beyond anything humanity has made that rendered the humans involved helpless against the aliens before being taken to their spaceships for experiments. But don't despair HFY, there are a few accounts where the people in question fought back: in one account a person was about to be abducted by an alien but stabbed them with a knife. Though the knife couldn't pierce the alien's skin, the resistance resulted in the aliens being driven off without abducting anyone. There was also an incident in which the would-be abductee ran inside, grabbed his rifle, ran out, and starting shooting at three aliens coming at him. One of them had to be dragged away by its compatriots. He hasn't had any xenos problems since then. In other words, if you're being abducted by aliens, fight back! Armed or not. Kick them in the gornacks! Gouge out their eyes! Bite them!

-- There was also a reference once on an infamous board to a story about an overweight powerlifter who was abducted, woke up and threw a few greys off him after breaking from restraints. Afterward, he was led down a hall where he passed out and woke up at home. I don't think he killed any of the aliens but they were supposedly the 4ft tall skinny greys, and he was able to punch one which flew into a wall, and the others retreated. He was then led into the hall. Source pending.

== Now with a song! ==
Humanity
Humanity

Humaniteh, fuck yeah!
Coming again to kill some mother fucking xenos, yeah!
Humaniteh, fuck yeah!
Genocide is the only way, yeah

Aliens your game is through 'cause now you have to answer too
Humaniteh, fuck yeah!
So lick my butt and suck on my balls
Humaniteh, fuck yeah!
What you gonna to do when we come for you now

It's the dream that we all share
It's the hope for tomorrow
Fuck yeah!

Burgers, fuck yeah!
Space-mart, fuck yeah!
The Earth, fuck yeah!
Grifball, fuck yeah!

Orbital drop, fuck yeah!
Run and gun, fuck yeah!
The Internet, fuck yeah!
Slavery, fuck yeah!

Fuck yeah!

Spacebucks, fuck yeah!
Disneyverse, fuck yeah!
Porno, fuck yeah!
Petroleum, fuck yeah!

Assasination, fuck yeah!
Killing, fuck yeah!
Sushi, fuck yeah!
Taco Bell, fuck yeah!

Rodeos, fuck yeah!
Space ship and beyond
Fuck yeah, fuck yeah

Democracy, fuck yeah!
Space ships, fuck yeah!
The Emperor, fuck yeah!
Band-aids, fuck yeah!

Sly Marbo, fuck yeah!
Christmas, fuck yeah!
Premier Sanders, fuck yeah!
Popeye, fuck yeah!

Capitalists, fuck yeah!
Communists, fuck yeah!
Fuck yeah, fuck yeah
Simple deaths, fuck yeah!

[[Avenger Strike Fighter|A-10]] , fuck yeah!
[[Baneblade]], fuck yeah!

== Trivia ==
"Humanity Fuck Yeah" sometimes refers to omnicidal maniac-level racism against everything that isn't non-powered and normal human beings (because, you know, a human with superpowers is not really a human, right?).
Readers may experience ocular bleeding due to excessive [[TVTropes]]isms escaping from humanity's natural habitats. This is a normal, if unpleasant side-effect.

Some great examples of "Humanity Fuck Yeah":
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2709630/ Humans are insane]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2710711/ Humans are insane again]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2711290/ Humans are insane, still]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16727562/ Humans are insane (and also rapists)]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Humanity%20fuck%20yeah Every archived thread with the tag.]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfbsZRbwbJ4 A reminder of what we at HFY stand for]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HumansAreWarriors Now available at TVTropes, Humans Are Warriors.]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HumansAreCthulhu Humans Are Cthulhu]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MugglesDoItBetter Muggles Do It Better]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HumanityIsSuperior Humanity Is Superior]
* <s>[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HumansAreBastards Humans Are Bastards].</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' WE'LL KILL YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FUCKING INFERIOR RACE, XENO!}}
* [http://youtu.be/OcPqk-O-fD4 Danger: Humans]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04854XqcfCY Humanity Fuck Yeah's anthem]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDaOgu2CQtI Humanity Fuck Yeah's OTHER anthem]

== Recommended media about humans kicking ass ==
'''Note:''' While any media can actually bring a moment of a human kicking ass, it is imperative that such narrative presents humanity as a whole showing exceptional abilities to defeat super-powered/non-human adversity. For example, a book about humans slaughtering hyper-advanced alien invaders is absolutely "Humanity, Fuck Yeah". A book about World War 2 is not "Humanity, Fuck Yeah", because although it presents humans kicking ass and taking names, it is against other humans and there's ass kicking on all sides so that does not count.

Also, "Humanity, Fuck Yeah" only applies if humans are defeating super-powered non-humans through strictly technological means. For example, in ''X-COM: UFO Defense'', regular troops gunning down aliens is HFY, as are heavy weapons platforms (big robotic gun platforms). PSI troopers, despite being humans, use supernatural powers so they are not HFY.

Behold a list of "Humanity, Fuck Yeah" works:
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHomtMvxqWs Xenophobia], a less than a minute-and-a-half song about committing Humanity Fuck Yeah with regards to Sci-Fi.

* [https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/wiki/ref/universes/jenkinsverse Kevin Jenkins universe] Humans are from a 'deathworld'. Lot's of stories here. [<-- These stories suck. They have a terminal case of 'no plot just backstory'. There's no red thread of a tale being told snaking its way through the writing, no meaningful happenings. If you want random fluff, go for it, but there's no crunch here, not for anyone who demands a modicum of standards to his writing.] [I would disagree with this, IDK when this opinion was given, two years ago I would say it held some truth. However the main story as well as a few of the canon stories by different authors do have a plot and quality. Of course this is only my opinion on it.][Now in it's 3rd year of serialization, with 40+ chapters and 2 million+ words in the main storyline alone, there's a lot to sink your teeth into if you're into this kind of thing.]

* '''Independence Day''' (1996). This is a must-see film. "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!"
**Now having a sequel '''Fuck YOU ALIEN SCUM''

* ''[[Starship Troopers]]'' novel by Robert A. Heinlein. The ''ST'' movie by Paul Verhoeven has humanity taking Humanity Fuck Yeah by the balls and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIGHCoVzqtk cranking it up past 11]... and failing miserably at almost every turn for black comedy.

* [[Conan the Barbarian]] from Robert E. Howard, because going hand-to-hand combat with a cthulhu-like daemon-god and making it run away screaming in fear is the very definition of HFY. Remember that R.E.Howard and H.P.L. were friends, and many of the Cosmic Horror entities that HPL created are actually canon in Conan's universe, and he banishes them with brute force and axes.

* Incidentally H.P. Lovecraft, who was pals with Howard, got a few tales where humans beat back the Great Old Ones, namely The Dunwich Horror (elegan/tg/entlemen professors fight back a huge eldritch demigod), The Call of Cthulhu itself (badass norwegian officer ramming a ship against Cthulhu's head anyone?) and the Dream-Quest of unknown Kadath (/x/ dreamer rallies an army of ghouls and nightgaunts to kill lunar toad-like abominations and then storms Kadath, residence of Earth gods).

* The Damned trilogy, by Alan Dean Foster.

* Warhammer 40000, obviously, particularly when it comes to the [[Imperial Guard]]. Although admittedly, Humanity Occasionally Does Not Fuck Yeah here, but then again, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c here is the awesome].

* Traveller

* [[Star Trek]] - yes, somehow. A note - the Mirror Universe episodes (TOS - Mirror Mirror, various DS9 ones, ENT - In A Mirror Darkly part I and II) in general are basically Humanity Fuck Yeah at it's best. In TOS-MU, everyone is more badass and horny, and mass killing alien scum who refuse to submit is the order of the day, but get told to make things better and more peaceful by our flawless prime universe counterparts. Does that sound like humanity to you? No? Good, because it's not because fuck that noise. Even their uniforms are more awesome (and sexy). ENT's In A Mirror Darkly shows the Empire at it's most brutal, starts with Zefram Cochrane '''trying the Vulcan salute, only to pull out a shotgun and shoot the Vulcan point blank!''' And from there, they straight up are attacking THE THOLIANS, and STEAL the USS Defiant from TOS's The Tholian Web! Many other shenanigans ensue. No less than later in DS9 confirms that hippy peace kumbaya is bullshit as in the intervening 100 or so years, M-Spock became Emperor and instituted weakness, and the Empire is predictably overthrown by the Alliance (a Klingon/Cardassian dominated political order) - and it's not just humans that are mass enslaved, but all the core races who were cowed or bros with humans and the Empire like the Vulcans and Andorians. See, conquest and HFY is good for the galaxy! But thanks to efforts of people who find themselves on the other side like THE SISKO, not only do the enslaved start a rebellion, but by the last Mirror episode, are looking like they will seriously win it. According to some books, this was actually Emperor Spock's master plan - cause reform to weaken the Empire, and lead to it's seeming death, which would make him one of the best alien believers of HFY of all time. Eventually, revolution will come, and the Empire is reborn as a sort of human-centric Galactic Republic - shorn of all the weaknesses but with an unquenchable thirst for HFY. They are last seen conquering the Breen and Klings or some shit - pure [[awesome]]. Hell, lots of REGULAR Trek episodes eventually are filled with HFY - especially anything involving THE SISKO, later era [[Mary_Sue|Kathryn "KILL THEM ALL" Janeway]], or Section 31.
** Also, [http://beka-tiddalik.tumblr.com/post/150425828285/roachpatrol-deadcatwithaflamethrower a tumblr thread of utter hilarity] showed that compared to Vulcans, humanity is an entire species of Doc Browns -- a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they don't actually understand very well. And constantly succeeding. When Vulcans have two warp cores, they experiment on one and save the other for a backup. When humans have two warp cores, they plug them both into a third warp core, travel to an alternate dimension, steal ''their'' warp cores and plug ''those'' together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experiment was for and they didn’t want to waste a trip. That happened last week and we still have no idea what the torus sun is supposed to accomplish.

* Mass Effect. Only on certain Renegade playthroughs, though; Paragon is hippy dippy "live in peace with xenos" Federation bullshit (to be fair, xenos in Mass Effect are actually friendly or reasonable, with a few exceptions). Even just the backstory has only-just-then-become-a-spacefaring-species humanity fighting a widely-feared and centuries-old galactic superpower to a standstill, followed up by earning their respect to such a degree that they let us jump the queue to join their galactic council club (or letting the current heads of the galactic council club die in battle so humanity fills the power vaccum). Although is just in the first game; in the second and third games the Renegade ending is retconned into non-canon, proving you never had a choice, the villains you stopped from getting summoned arrive anyway and since mankind never dominated the galaxy only multiculturalism can save you.

* X-COM: UFO Defense. And XCOM Enemy Unknown/Within. Turns out humanity is the greatest hope the alien invaders have, and we're being tested to see if we are worthy of it (we are). And XCOM 2, because even when we lost the war, we WILL win it!

* Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. '''BELIEVE IN THE ME WHO BELIEVES IN YOU!'''

* Gurren Lagann's precursor Getter Robo deserves mention, too. '''WHY DID THE GETTER RAYS CHOOSE LOWLY HUMANITY?!''' Also '''FUCK DINOSAURS!!'''

* Stargate, both SG-1 and Atlantis. Stargate is the most Humanity Fuck Yeah thing ever. A bunch of people extends Earth influence across the entire galaxy in less than ten years. When we manage to build the first real space combat vessels, it's too late. Job's already done, galaxy is ours. So we move to conquer the next one, with another bunch of people and a couple of ships. Entire races are wiped out by teams of five people armed with submachine guns.
**XSGCOM is this but upt to 11. Earth gets an empire, hover tanks, power armor, and so much more. It's amazing. Also armor capable of tanking a staff weapon. It's amazeballs.

* '''Pacific Rim.''' [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vU7XqToZso Ye Gods, Pacific Rim.]

* Halo, because being the [[Mary Sue|special snowflake race that can manipulate]] [[Old Ones|the technology of long dead, super-galactic, hyper advance aliens]] [[AWESOME|and yet still having the "Humanity first and only bitch!" personality, as well as standing up to (and winning against) a massive alien hegemony and then an omnivorous parasite in a war lasting nearly THIRTY YEARS gives the UNSC the honorable status.]] . Further noted due to the UNSC Marines (Whose personality is a fusion between Alien's Colonial Marines and Starship Trooper's Mobile Infantry) and because the UNSC built a NOVA bomb which is a petaton-exaton thermonuclear bomb that vaporized an entire covenant fleet in orbit and the entire nightside of a planet, and completely SHATTERS another when its detonated on the surface.

* [[Command and Conquer]] Tiberium Wars. While it sucks compared to the earlier ones, Xeno scum come to harvest Tiberium on our planet, then find out they got played like a bunch of fools. More forces wouldn't have helped the Scrin, Kane has a motherfucking Scrin battleship he built '''when Bill Clinton was president''', and another crashed UFO chilling out in Egypt. <s> What the hell were the expecting, trying to fight a grandchild of [[God]]? </s> They were expecting no resistance because they assumed all life on the planet had been consumed by Tiberium. The Scrin "invasion force" had only come to Earth to harvest Tiberium.

* Marvel Cinematic Universe. At numerous points in the setting (read: every other week), everything from alien empires and planet-eaters to GODS come to Earth looking to squash humanity like a Warboss sitting on a grot. They’ve conquered/destroyed/eaten every species/planet/galaxy they’ve encountered up to that point. Humanity’s heroes fly up and kick them in the dick!

*GATE: Thus The Self-Defense Force Fought There. Related to the above, but its other humans from a magical realm with mystical creatures backing them up invading modern-day Tokyo. Turns out swords and shields dont work to well against machine guns and attack helicopters...and then the JSDF proceeds to roll through the gate they came from and basically conquer the entire world on the other side...without a single casualty.

* Gears of War. A horde of inhuman killing beasts erupt from every human city and then later on our would-be 'fuel' turns out to be an ever-infectious virus of OMNOMNOM! which screws both of our races up. We came back, re-strengthen our forces and gave a response which includes the massacre of all three species including ours via mass orbital bombardment of lasers from SPEHS!, detonation of a bomb that kills by intense light and heat akin to a flashy nuke, the flooding of every cave and hole on our planet(by sinking our last sanctuary no less) and the detonation a fucking NEUTRON BOMB... all because we could.

* The annihilation series. Book one love conquers all. It's a stupid name but the book is really good it's about a boy who figures out that he has psychic powers that grant him the ability to fuck over people's shit the 2nd book is where things get crazy. An alien race who are arrogant and want nothing more then the human race to be gtfo go behind the galatic alliances back and attacks a colony killing 1/3 of the population. That's when the humans go batshit.

* The humourous Poul Anderson novel "The High Crusade". A hyper-advanced alien empire tries to 'ave a go at medieval England and get hilariously rolled over because EMP doesn't work on knights and longbowmen.

* Peter Bergs' Battleship. Generally shit storyline; basically aliens come down to Earth to fuck shit up, and accidentally land in the middle of a global naval wargame.

* Factorio. The premise sounds weaker than most other entries here, but considering you start with nothing but a steam drill, and you are going to have to wipe the floor with the local [[Tyranids|giant bug creatures]], even the smallest of which is about the size of a Smart car, in order to expand your mining, smelting and assembling industries, it is pretty much '''GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING!: ''THE GAME.''''' [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yDZM0diiYc To whit].

* All Brotherhood of Steel Fallout 4 breakthroughs. The Brotherhood supports genocide of all the non-human abominations that exist throughout the wasteland. Ad Victoriam! The Minutemen kinda qualify as well for the same reason as the Rimworld example listed above - less on the non-human killing, but instead its humans coming together, working together, and taming the everloving shit out of the irradiated and mutant-infested swamps of Massachusetts (post-nuclear war, must clarify) to make the cosiest apocalypse ever.

* While on the topic of [[Fallout]], the Enclave are most definitely HFY. Using a modified virus to systematically wipe out any and all mutated scum that rove the wasteland like it's theirs is a prime example of how awesome humans are at causing mass destruction, and even if a certain tribal mutant was able to infiltrate their base and blow it up, the legacy of the human patriotism of the Enclave will always live on. In New Vegas, even down to only five [[Old Ones|oldfags]] and a snot nosed kid, they kick veritable ''ass''. Though this one's a little up-to-you, as the Enclave were a wee bit too enthusiastic about the genocide part of HFY for their own good, as they actually wanted to bump off most of the human population of the post-apocalyptic US too.

* The Muv Luv franchise. In 1967, all consuming aliens (BETA - Beings of Extra Terrestrial origin which is an Adversary of the human race) are found on [[Mars]] during the explorations there. They land on the Moon, and even though we stand no chance then on the moon, America fights back with fucking prototype SPACE MARINES, space fighters, and re-purposing exoskeletal lifters as power armor. While the universe proves to run on a lot of Humanity What The Fuck Are You Doing too (the first BETA Hive on Earth lands in Kashgar, [[Derp|and the PRC and USSR get greedy letting them get powerful enough, so they can harvest whatever goodies they have]]. When they try landing a hive in Canada, America says "lol fuck no" and nukes the Hive to oblivion with only minimal apologies). What makes it so wonderful is that even for decades, as humanity loses constantly, as literally children are forced to fight, the breathing HFY of everyone involved making last stands and killing wave upon wave of alien scum in [[awesome]] mechs or as infantry on the battleline is enough to make you shed [[manly tears]]. Even when we're down to less than one billion people, we do NOT, STOP, FIGHTING. And then to crown it, in 2001, we have our first major victory with a captured Hive. The main storyline ends with humanity just about ready to start the great reconquest of Eurasia.The snippets in Exogularity show how AWESOME Humanity has become with the break-neck technological advancement fueled by alien tech. I mean Shielding, Mecha Hand-held practicle beam weapons, ships that have length measure in 8KM-9KM and HUNDREDS of G-17B(Descendants of the Susanoo, which they use to GLASS BETA hives on Mars) and other shits. HFY indeed.

* [[Doom]], Doom 2, Doom 3, and DOOM. Because one human can slaughter every breathing thing on two moons and then in Hell. And again. And again. The reboot takes it even further by taking the whole "ancient evil being locked away to prevent it wiping us out" trope and '''reversing it'''. So you, the human main character, is the ancient evil while the demons are the horrified and massacred prison wardens. '''Fuck yeah.'''

* Pokemon. I mean, mere human children can capture and enslave(those little balls they use to contain GIANT MOTHERFRICKIN DRAGONS! must be some brainwashing device!) peaceful creatures and then force those peaceful fire-breathing, water-spouting, grass-grassing monsters to fight each other to the death while the kids... KIDS! just stand behind them giving them orders. Also these little kids at the age of 10 are expected to go off on their own around the globe for fun.

* Space Battleship Yamato. Aliens (humans with green skin... they count right?) enter our solar system and we blow their spaceship up for no reason! Then our arse gets handed to us as they start bombarding our planet with meteorites using a tractor beam. However the moment a friendly alien race (hot chicks) gives us a power generator what do we do? We use it to invent a destructive ima-firin-my-lazor-cannon stick both items into a battleship turned spaceship, send that one ship off on its own to go get a life-saving tech thingy from hot chic aliens while single handedly blowing up an entire space empire armada... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs7r9NUlAuI All with a kickass main theme]

* The space opera grand strategy game by Paradox, Stellaris, can be played many different ways and allows you to go full HFY if you would like, you could even play as human fanatic purifiers. HFY is encouraged by one of the preset empires, The Commonwealth of Man, a xenophobic and militaristic faction of humans bent on enslaving xenos and dominating the galaxy. Refreshingly, humanity isn't actually special; if humanity wants to go full HFY, then they must work for it just like any other species.

* Rescue Party by Arthur C. Clarke. While there is not conflict in the short story it still counts. Hippie aliens arrive on Earth only hours before the sun will explode, destroying the planet. The mission of the hippie aliens is to try to save as many people and as much of the culture as possible. Normally the galactic civilization does surveys of planets every one million years for new species, but the human race did not exist the last time the survey was done – four hundred thousand years before. We simply evolved too fast for them! However, radio signals had been detected on a planet 200 light years away, indicating intelligent life had arisen. They arrive, but nobody is home. As they search for any living humans, we learn that its typical for races to take thousand of years between the invention of the radio and space flight. The only thing they find is a communication tower beaming into space. They follow the beam with their FTL ships and discover an enormous fleet of rocket space ships (the largest fleet in galactic history), traveling into space without any FTL tech. Their tiny alien minds melt in the face of the sheer determination and steel balls Humanity posses. As they watch Humanity flying toward their birth right of total Galactic domination, the hippie aliens know that they are fucked.

* '''Worldwar''' by Harry Turtledove. A series of eight alternative history novels. World War II is doing well, and humanity is having a lot of fun with itself, until 1942, when the reptilan aliens known as the Race attack. They start off by detonating nuclear weapons in the stratosphere, creating EMPs, which most developed nations don't even notice, because primitive vacuum tubes don't care about that at all. Their technology is pretty superior to the humans', but humans have a knack for thinking so far outside the box that the box can't even be seen anymore, combined with the fact that they simply don´t give up, like, at all. Notable HFY moments include all human armies, including lots of nasty partisan groups pretty much halting their previous conflicts, and all descending on their new, common foe (almost makes you pity the invaders); humans destroying an alien spaceship with a motherfucking huge cannon (hint: Dora), humans turning the aliens into drug addicts and disrupting their whole culture with their ''corruptive nature'', an alien invasion on Britain stopped by chemical warfare, humans nuking a whole alien fleet killing millions, and finally humans driving the Aliens away and forcing them to accept a jolly human tradition: peace by '''''mutual assured destruction'''''

* The [[Transformers]] "'''Beast Wars: Uprising'''" series of comics and short stories covering the intervening years between the Generation One and Beast Wars cartoons is an interesting case, focusing entirely on the aliens and rather than depicting the conflict with humanity itself, it deals with the disastrous effect that being on the receiving end of an HFY story has on their society. Tired of being caught up in the Autobots' and Decepticons' various conflicts, humanity steadily grows more and more militarized and eventually kicks the Transformers off Earth and forces them back to their dying homeworld of Cybertron. Confined to a single planet with limited supplies of energy, Cybertronian society begins to unravel even worse than it was before as the larger Transformers are left crippled due to their high fuel requirements and begin using smaller ones to fight in proxy wars. The Autobot/Decepticon conflict soon gives way to infighting as the energy crisis exacerbates the already existing inequalities between the two factions various sub-groups.

* In [[The Elder Scrolls]] universe, [[What|humans are split into distinct ethnic groups with their own histories and unique abilities]], but all of them are badass. Man's first foray into the continent of Tamriel was the ancient Atmorans, who landed in what is now Skyrim and eventually became the Nords (basically fantasy vikings). They had to fight against the Snow Elves (who they nearly drove to extinction with [[Awesome|only five hundred warriors]]), the dragons (who they also rendered extinct, but the gods had to help this time) and are still to this day locked in daily battles against bears, sabre-tooth cats, trolls, giants, big spiders and all kinds of other horrific stuff. Far to the south in Cyrodiil, the humans there (the Imperials, fantasy Romans basically) were enslaved by another race of elves named the Ayleids, until Saint Alessia (fantasy Joan of Arc) led a slave rebellion with the help of a man who was [[Rip and tear|on a constant and bloody never-ending]] [[WAAAGH]] against the elves named Pelinal Whitestrake, and together they overthrew the Ayleids and forged the beginnings of the first Cyrodiilic Empire (and there would later be another two under the Reman and Septim dynasties). In the western peninsula of High Rock, breeding programs between the Aldmer and the Nedes had given rise to a new race of [[Half-Elf]] humans known as the Bretons (fantasy French), who are said to rival and even surpass the Altmer in magical talents and even get a magical resistance. Finally came the Redguards (fantasy Arabs), refugees from the sunken islands of Yokuda, the most talented warriors and sailors of Tamriel and the only race in the setting with access to gunpowder. It is also said that the gods themselves favour the races of Men over the Mer (elves) because while elves see mortality as a cruel prison, men see "strength in weakness" and live their lives to the fullest free from fears of their mortality, and this is especially true for Lorkhan, who is said to have created men to be the "chaos" to the "order" of the Mer.

* ''[[Monster Hunter International]]'' by Larry Correia. A series of novels (with a pair of RPGs) where humanity kills all manner of monsters with the awesome power of modern firearms, tactical planning and keeping records of how best to exterminate xeno filth. The first book starts with the protagonist wrestling a werewolf and throwing it out a window to its death (though this does result in months of hospitalization). Xeno assistance is limited to individual exceptions that have proven their worth by mauling America's enemies for her. Uncontrolled xeno populations allowed to run amok are considered several times more dangerous than nuclear weapons (and this determination was made when people who thought nuclear weapons could ignite Earth's atmosphere in a chain reaction were considered reasonable scientists), yet humanity has managed to prevail against them.

==An Alternate Take on HFY==
''Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.'' 
— Proverbs 16:18

''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9g2r0SdEZc| I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species, and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment; but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer on this planet. You are a plague, and we...are the cure.]'' 
- Agent Smith, ''The Matrix''

What started as a reasonable response to human suffering in fiction has blossomed into a cringe-fest of masturbatory autism that can be seen in the page quote. [[Eldar|Haughty pride, arrogance,]] [[Imperial Cult|zealotry, blind idiocy, self-righteousness,]] and many more vices are enabled by such tooting of our own metaphorical horns. [[Cancer|The worst part is how this attitude spreads to other fandoms like wildfire, even if humans or aliens aren't interacting with each other or even involved in the setting!]] The irony kicks in when you realize that many of the idols that HFY memers get their [[Heresy|Idolatry on for]] would be disappointed at such vainglorious pride, the [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Man-peror of Mankind]] would not approve! Even more ironic is how this attitude is exactly the same as [[Matt Ward|a certain fluff rapist]] [[Ultramarines|and his favored infallible, can't do wrong, and always victorious]] [[Mary Sue|mary sues.]]

The real crime however, is how HFY quashes new ideas, sucking the rest of the entire fandom down a creative black hole. Guess you can in fact get sick of winning in fiction all the time!

Basically put, what little potential HFY had has long since been stifled in a sea of mental masturbation over our own imaginary greatness.

So when would such attitudes be appropriate? In dangerous settings where such attitudes are backed up my much human suffering and bloodshed. In settings where we truly earned the right to be a bit proud of our survival. [[Warhammer 40K|In settings where humanity is beset on sides by hostile foes within and without, eternally under siege, with their very vices and souls threatening to rebel against the- hey wait a minute...]]

HFY tends to manifest itself especially terribly in fanfiction, where whole fandoms are plagued by a never ending slew of shitty fix fics that look at settings where humanity is already ridiculously special for no good reason and already has disproportionate influence on the setting and is already among the setting's winners and go "nah, humans need to win some more". Thus turning the sentiment into a code for "this fanfiction is shit written by some moron who doesn't understand how dramatic tension works" and turning HFY from a statement of pride to an ironic statement of mockery and a seal of low quality writing. The worst kinds of these fanfics tend to be written by people who legitimately think that the [[/pol/|unfamiliar needs to be purged]] and it all starts reading rather disturbingly like Mein Kampf more than good literature (and worst of all, these fanfics will also have writing quality about as good as Mein Kampf, which is legendarily terrible and incoherent if you're unfamiliar with it) as the more mouthbreather type of fan projects their race war fantasies where they think no one will notice. However, much like with FATAL or Racial Holy War or other works written by the inbred, these attempts to escape notice tend to fail and instead will only draw further mockery upon discovery. Original works, even on /tg/, are little better in this respect due to the community that springs around them acting like an echo chamber to drown out any kind of negative feedback no matter how justified it may be.

The most important rule in any story with a conflict is of course a need to maintain tension. If people win without effort, it gets very boring very quickly unless effortless victory and anti-climax is the whole joke (and most fanfic writers simply aren't funny enough to make the space opera/high fantasy equivalent of one punch man and probably shouldn't try to either), so when you start writing humans as simply piledriving everyone in the way without trying you end up making the humans more insufferable than pretty much any variety of Elf has ever been. Instead of badasses, you have turned our species into uninteresting Mary Sues who most people who don't have their heads up their asses will start to root against, much like how people generally start rooting against a sports team that always seems to win. With no effort being expended, there's no reason to care about the struggle because there is no struggle to care about. Bad HFY forgets all this in favor of what amounts to masturbation via text and unfortunately, as most writers aren't all that great, most HFY fics will tend to be of the shitty tensionless curbstomp variety where humanity does nothing to deserve any victory it gets.

You can express how great humanity is, but always remember these few rules:

*Don't make everyone else stupid, this is not only a lazy means of making your favoured faction right it's also one of the strongest signifiers for a Mary Sue as not only are they always right, anyone against them is a moron and probably eats babies too. Do make humans suffer setbacks and make mistakes, nobody wants to read about a hero who is never challenged and never stumbles or fucks up.
**To quote an old saying "to err is to human", someone without flaw is more akin to a god (or God) than an actual person, so don't go that route unless the character is a god or God (whether you believe in a god/God/religion or not, that is a subject that should be handled with care). Push them to the brink of destruction and have them claw their way back up from nothing instead of acting as if the universe will bend over backwards for them on account of their species alone. And remember to give them humility as a result of whatever struggle they go through; they should be very much aware they're little fish in a very big pond.
*Don't use "human ingenuity" as an advantage; this trope is so tiresomely played out that it produces nothing but eyerolling these days, especially since it tends to be a signifier that you've created a planet of hats setting where humanity is the only species not forced to have a hat (ironic, since this is itself a hat). This is lazy and overdone so don't do it.
**Elevating things like "pragmatism" and "brutality" in its place is just as bad if not even worse, because they make humanity look like a race of [[Tyranids|all-devouring monsters that leave nothing but destruction in their wake]] who need to be wiped out for the sake of all other sentient life in the universe.
*Don't force humanity into a hat itself either, saying things like "humans are good diplomats/warriors" is easily disproven by just looking at about a hundred randomly selected people so it's always going to ring kind of false to people in the real world. Do give people weaknesses of some sort, whether cultural or physical or governmental some kind of flaw will help to make humanity seem human instead of efficiency obsessed robots. After all, racial hat simple means the result of averages fitting into the global-galactic niche. If Salarian artists (which *do* exist) would have overtaken the galactic culture by chance and random luck in the universe of Mass Effect, we would come to believe Salarians are a race of smart artists.
**Do give other species nuance of their own, just as you shouldn't give out a hat to humanity, you should try to avoid essentially typecasting the races in your setting without a very good explanation like Orks having their mentalities being genetically programmed or a species being an outright hive mind, this just makes everyone more interesting overall.
*It's ridiculous to assume that alien life evolved (or was created, depending on the story and who you ask) along the same lines as we did. Consider showing how humans are just as unsuited for alien environments as the aliens would be unsuited for our own. Oh sure, we can breathe oxygen, but outside any Earth-like planet that's just a liability. What good is that when the air on most inhabitable planets either has minimal oxygen or flat-out poisons us?

While these tips are just generally good for worldbuilding and story telling, they should always be taken into account by anyone who wants to write HFY without falling into the ubiquitous pitfalls.

== Gallery ==
<gallery>
File:Humansfuckyeah.png|Start of earliest saved HFY threads.
File:Soniamproud.png|WE ARE COMING FOR YOU!
File:1222851447080.png|The banner is from Star Trek, but it gives you the basic idea.
File:Humanlegacy.png|Fine example of how we at HFY think.
File:Colonel-quaritchsmall.jpg|HFY's official spokesman.
File:Hfy imp.png|The [[Imperial Cult]] is basically built on HFY.
File:The_pulse.png|Technology "saves" the day.
File:Terra_Is_Alive.png|Terra is a cruel matriarch. But her forge has made us strong.
File:Semen.png|Humans are more hardcore than most sci-fi insect races.
File:HumanityFuckYeah1.jpg|This is what we do to OUR home. Think your planet will fare any better?
File:The Courage of Man.png
File:Stabbed.PNG
File:Diplomat_1.png|Part 1 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.
File:Diplomat_2.png|Part 2 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.
File:Diplomat_3.png|Part 3 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.
File:Diplomat_4.png|Part 4 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.
File:Diplomat_5.png|Part 5 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.
File:Diplomat_6.png|Part 6 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.
File:Welcome to america.jpg|A good example why you SHOULD NOT fuck with humans.
</gallery>

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBpu4DAvwI8| Watch 3 men scare off 15 lions to get some food], [[Awesome|yes this really happened]] (note how they don't underestimate the animals).

Persistence Hunting with David Attenborough. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=826HMLoiE_o

Humanity, fuck yeah.

<blockquote>''Let me tell you about humans, using something I'm familiar with in anthropology. When a Shoshone warrior wants a pony, he goes to a herd, picks one, and walks toward it. Naturally, the pony runs away. The Shonone follows, day and night just walking, usually for three full days. Pony runs away, man just keeps walking at a steady pace. Finally the pony simply collapses from exhaustion after running away for days, and the man walks up and puts a bridle on it. That is the kind of monster humans are.''</blockquote>

HFY vs African [[Pokemon]], by Andrew Ucles (without Pokeballs, because fuck you pokemons). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJiZ2HgV5E0

[https://youtu.be/VXVmMB2Echs?t=90 Lex Luthor vs Superman as ranted by Dan Harmon]

{{clear}}

Imperial Guard

2019-07-28T13:11:22Z

2620:105:B001:B101:9C80:8362:1632:682: /* Play Style */

{{Awesome}}
[[File:Macharius Charge.png|500px|thumb|right|And his name struck fear into the hearts of men.]]
{{Topquote|Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood." "Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men.|George S. Patton}}

{{Topquote|Soldiers generally win battles; generals get credit for them.|Napoleon Bonaparte}}

{{Topquote|Quantity has a quality all of its own.|Atrributed to Joseph Stalin}}

{{Topquote|To each of us falls a task, and all the [[Emperor]] requires of us Guardsmen is that we stand the line, and we die fighting. It is what we do ''best'' - we die standing.|[[General Sturnn]] of the Imperial Guard}}

{{Topquote|When one has two hundred artillery pieces per kilometer of the frontline, he does not report contact with the enemy or ask for whereabouts. He reports successful breakthroughs and asks for further orders.|Attributed to Aleksandr Vasilevsky}}

{{Topquote|Hey guys, they're called Astra Militarum now!|Game Workshop, shortly before everyone proceeded to ignore them.}}

The '''Imperial Guard''' (officially titled the '''Astra Militarum''' as of [[Warhammer 40,000 6th Edition|6th Edition]], ‘cause fuck your original name if GW can't trademark it), also known as [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device| '''THE WALL OF GUNS''']], are the foot soldiers of the [[Imperium]] in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. They exist only to die gloriously in the [[Emprah]]'s name. [[Commissar]]s (like [[Holt]] and [[Ciaphas Cain]]) ensure that they do so regularly, and any cowards or deserters tend to be summarily executed. During the [[Great Crusade]], the Emperor only intended for them to be [[Solar Auxilia|auxilia]] for his [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHRENS]] (and to man masses of tanks, artillery, and aircraft), since the average Guardsman is only capable of drawing enemy fire and shining a [[Lasgun|flashlight]] at his enemies (although much more fortunate Guardsmen get to drive the tanks and other armored vehicles fielded by the IG, [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|which proceed to blow their enemies into little chunks]] [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|from very long ways away]]); but after [[Horus Heresy|Horus' little tantrum]] and the [[Second Founding|breakup of the Legions]], trillions upon trillions of humans were drafted to make up for the difference, even if [[Grimdark|entire squads and even regiments are generally not expected to survive their first combat action]]. Or training. Or just meeting their Commissar for the first time. Even so, many consider their dogged perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds to be what makes them so balls-to-the-wall [[awesome]].

It is recommended that you put [https://youtu.be/CIGHCoVzqtk] on loop before reading the rest of this article.

==Overview==
It is worth noting that in a universe where opposing armies include:

* Cults of [[Space Marines|genetically-engineered killing machines]];
* [[Chaos Space Marines|EVIL genetically-engineered killing machines]], with a variety of sorcerous powers;
* [[Ork|Barbaric super-fungi]] that grow in size and number the more you fight them;
* [[Eldar|Creepy space elves]] with psychic powers, incomprihensible technology and a habit of materialising out of nowhere;
* [[Dark Eldar|EVIL PIRATE space elves]] that literally get off on making others suffer, whose creative use of slaves makes an agonising death seem merciful;
* [[Tau|Samurai space communists]] with AI-enhanced battlemechs, infinite firepower and [[Kroot|cannibal dinosaurs]] in tow;
* Endless swarms of [[Tyranid|screeching, hyper-evolved space bugs]] that, combined, spew voracious parasites and corrosive acid from more orifices than most forces have bullets;
* [[Daemon|Extradimensional predators]] that live to maim, corrupt and violate mortal bodies, before tearing out their souls to do it all again, but ''much slower'';
* [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Martian Illuminati]] with ancient war machines, a monopoly on modern technology, and religious objections to humans attached to their original limbs;
* And [[Necron|nigh-immortal zombie robots]] that snuff out stars for kicks;

[[File:Trance.jpg|300px|right|thumb|"Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games!"]]
... the foot soldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing but ceramite jackets, glorified laser pointers, [[Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer|a few weeks of training]], and a pair of Mars-pattern, titanium-plated balls.

While the lasgun and [[Flak Armor]] (in essence an oversized SAPI plate) are very good by modern standards, they're just flashlights and t-shirts compared to the automatic death launchers and magic power armor of the rest of the galaxy - the Guard make up the difference with sheer nerve.

Examples of Guardsmen going above and beyond even this inherent badassery, demonstrating the possession of testicles so massive they should be deployed in battle as a separate unit, are plentiful: [[Ollanius Pius]] is one such Guardsman, standing up to fucking [[Horus]] himself (depending on whose canon you prefer). [[Dawn of War]] sees the Blood Ravens running into a pair of Guardsmen who have held their position, without support, in the middle of a combined Chaos/Ork/Eldar invasion, for more than a week. [[Dawn of War II]] has Guardsmen rescued in an earlier mission returning in the finale to provide infantry support while the Blood Ravens launch an attack... on a fucking [[Tyranid]] hive. These same guardsmen (led by the ever awesome [[Merrick|Sergeant Merrick]]) SURVIVE the suicidal mission, and fight on for ''ten more years'' against the remnants of the Tyranids/Orks/Eldar. A different group of about 72 loyal Guardsmen also managed to hold out for those ten years. In a frozen wasteland. Surrounded by former comrades taken by Nurgle, bands of Black Legion Chaos Marines, and a growing Daemonic incursion.

Although the average frontline Guardsman is highly unlikely to survive his first deployment, veteran soldiers are some of the manliest motherfuckers the Imperium has to offer, putting even the fucking SPESS MEHRENS to a billion shames. Disturbingly, if Imperial Guard tactics advanced from WWI-style warfare (overuse of artillery (artillery cannot be overused, heretic) and mass charges against machine guns and tanks) to modern military strategies (such as taking cover and using air/armor/support, which while many elite regiments often do, there’s so much damn variety you can't really have good quality control), the Imperial Guard ''could'' become the most feared army in the whole universe. But '''NO''', that's not [[grimdark]] enough! Also, that's the Tau's whole schtick. However, do note that some commanders themselves shove off this fact and order their men to charge enemy lines with or without heavy armor/artillery support and regardless of terrain.

That said, fluff-wise it seems that the Guard's most common methods of war are to use lots of heavy weapons, tanks, and artillery to smash the fuck out of the enemy while Guardsmen mop up the shards of their foe while supported by more heavy weapons, special weapons, and Infantry Fighting Vehicles. So, honestly, the Imperial Guard is really fucking powerful even without considering their numbers are so vast they could just drown you with their own blood and corpses and the paper to write the report on for said casualties would be literally not worth the paper. On top of that, their flak armor (which includes flak shirt and flak pants apparently as those are offered in Only War) is immune to stub weapons except hand cannons and heavy stubbers and larger. Since almost all aliens (none that are playable) use weapons roughly as powerful as Imperial stub weapons...good go these guys are deadly. And those same aliens' armor can't defend against lasguns. On top of that the Imperial Guard is like 80% of the time fighting rebels or the like, whom nearly always use stubbers and armor inferior to Guard flak armor. SO! Almost always the average Imperial Guardsman will be ''immune'' to enemy small arms and the enemy's armor cannot protect against the Guardsman's lasgun. When fighting things that make mince-meat of Guardsmen, we get massive concentrations of artillery, tanks, IFVs, and heavy weapons of all kinds to smash the enemy so the infantry can swiftly blast the foe at close-range (close-range lasgun fire rivals the penetration of bolters). This is when they're not being used to merely destroy threats to Titans and Astartes so the Titans and Astartes can wipe out the enemy. The Guard also has a wide selection of super-heavy vehicles and even bigger, killier things.

Do '''''NOT''''' fuck with the Imperial Guard!

Dan Abnett and the Guard’s latest Codex turned the IG into gods of mechanized warfare, and yet they still suck compared to 8-foot-tall Daemonic killing machines with chainaxes. To be fair, though, that's like comparing a sedan to a tank. How are you NOT supposed to suck against things that can slice through meter-thick speshul-steel armor like so much cheese?

The cold, hard truth of the matter is that the lowest currency in the Imperium is human life. Whereas the modern day commander would sacrifice expensive equipment (a cruise missile ain't cheap) to save even a single life, in the grim darkness of the far future, emphasis on civilian morale and "leave no man behind" ideals would screw up a already overtaxed bureaucratically fucked Munitorium. Instead, commanders do risk assessment. They're not going to devote resources just to save one lowly grunt if they will expend resources more expensive in return. Although to be fair, commanders who make these decisions know the moral implications of what they're doing while the Imperium treats this as a perfectly normal act.

[[File:Lord Solar Macharius.jpg|250px|left|thumb|"The meaning of victory is not to defeat your enemy but to destroy him, to eradicate him from living memory, to leave no remnant of his endeavors, to crush utterly his every achievement and remove from all record his every trace of existence. From that defeat no enemy can ever recover. That is the meaning of victory."]]

A bit of maths, if you will. There are 32,380 Hive Worlds in the Imperium. The average population of these worlds is around 200 billion each. We put these together and we get 6.476E15 (6,476,000,000,000,000 or 6.476 Quadrillion) people on Hive worlds ALONE. Eventually there would be more human retard-babies than there would be soylens viridiens and lasguns to come out of the Forge World assembly lines.

So now you see why humans are worth so little. But this also means that once they get their ass in gear and onto the battlefield, they ALWAYS win, because they have practicaly unlimited manpower and resources. Compare it to water bashing against rocks. A few gallons won't do jack, but countless billions of tonnes crashing down on it WILL destroy it in a surprisingly short amount of time. Apply actual tactics, as every regiment that isn't Kriegan does, and it becomes [[rape|even more effective]] (Do keep in mind, it's not like they commit trillions of troops to one battle. The Imperium frequently has to withdraw, but it's like saying "We lost the battle, BUT NOT THE WAR!").

In fact, it is point-blank stated numerous times that guardsmen are way cheaper than their lasguns, because there are far more Hive Worlds to ''produce'' humans than there are Forge Worlds to produce lasguns. And to add more grimdark, the Imperium lost numerous forge worlds and mining worlds during the [[Time of Ending]], so there are even fewer lasguns and cardboard jackets coming from assembly lines. The [[Death Korps of Krieg]] have a specific guy who runs around battlefields shooting the wounded and collecting their gear (as well as blood and organs to fix those who still can be saved to fight next day).

Think of the Red Army from the Hollywood movie [[wikipedia:Enemy at the Gates|Enemy at the Gates]]: Soviet Russia there had a fuckton of soldiers to draw from, but many were not issued spare ammunition or even rifles, and were expected to loot supplies off dead bodies. On an individual level the Germans had the obvious advantage, but send in enough cannon fodder to keep them pinned inside they city, then cut them off, and they eventually cracked.

But what the Imperium does have going for itself is the individual heroism of its protectors. The Guard bears countless heroes, without whom the Imperium would have fallen ages ago. Notable heroes of the Imperial Guard include: [[Ollanius Pius]], [[Straken]], [[Creed]], [[Lord Solar Macharius]], [[Ciaphas Cain|Ciaphas Cain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM]], [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Yarrick]], [[Sly Marbo|SLY FUCKING MARBO]], [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt| Colonel-Commissar fething Ibram Gaunt]] , and countless others. These extraordinary men and women inspire the masses around them to truly heroic deeds, and through those deeds, ensure that the Imperium will never falter.

==Play Style==
[[File:Glory.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Men of the Brimlock Eleventh, fighting on Voor against Orks. Note the [[Judge Dredd]] pattern frown.]]

''"You see, the [[Necron|Killbots]] have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down."'' - Zapp Brannigan, Twenty-five Star General of the Imperial Guard.

The Imperial Guard are notorious for their SIGAOD methodology: Shooty Imperial Guard Army Of Doom for the less than nerdy. The basic lasguns are downright pathetic, but can [[Dakka|still be effective if used en masse]], and we mean ''en masse''. The effect is a little like how cavemen throwing rocks could still be a threat to fully armored knights. It only takes one lucky shot and they don't stop shooting until they get lucky. Scientifically speaking, the lasguns are strong enough that they damage most materials, even Space Marine powered armor. It's just so minor against most foes that it doesn't matter. Until you get a hundred guys shooting at one target. Then it matters pretty damn quickly. Add in special weapons and heavy weapons and indirect fire like mortars all blazing away at an enemy and...yeah. Also, a lasgun used with precise aiming is quite lethal as you can devastate any vulnerabilities of a target easily. For example, the Vostroyan Firstborn are famous for their great precision and it shows in the massive kill-counts they rack-up. Who the fuck knows why that isn't a requirement for Guardsmen but it's probably because some goober in charge didn't notice and so never mentioned it in a memo to who-cares.

The IG has loads of vehicles. ''Loads'' of vehicles. They can take a whole squadron as a single Fast Attack or Heavy Support slot, and most are fairly cheap and most pretty good for what you pay for. There are 4 principal IG ground vehicles of note:
* First is the [[Chimera]], which is basically a troop transport with a turret. Its armor is fairly light and it is not particularly fast, but it's cheap and the passengers can still shoot while inside. Bread and butter, it's also used as the chassis for various other vehicles. At least it's more useful than the Rhino.
* The second is the iconic [[Leman Russ Battle Tank]]. It is in every way a solid, dependable, warhorse. Everything from the optional heavy sponsons, to the BFG on the turret, to the completely exposed engine in the rear. Apparently, they ran out of badass when they designed it.
* Third is the Sentinel. It's a support walker that, while not generally as effective as the other big 3, earns its place by virtue of utility. The sentinel can serve as a reliable escort that grants numbers to vehicle armies and durable fire support to infantry lists. Versatile and a cheap way to add single-use missiles. Not impressive, but good when you need a little extra ______.
* The last vehicle of note is the [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisk]]. Apparently, some tech-priest decided to take a Chimera, rip off the turret and troop compartment and replace it with the biggest piece of artillery he could find. Unfortunately, there weren't any Titan legions nearby so he settled for the Earthshaker cannon. The Earthshaker is far more powerful than even the BFG they stuck on the Leman Russ and has ten times the range. No WH40k game has been played where a target has been out of range of the Basilisk.

The four vehicles above are only a small selection of what the Guard has to offer, but they provide pretty reliable workhorses of most builds and strategies. Most other vehicles are specialized variants of the above, being largely situational units.

Let's not forget the Deathstrike Missile, which GW used to give UNLIMITED RANGE. Players have called up GW stores the next town over and told them that they're dropping a Deathstrike in the middle of whatever battle is closest, and they've accepted. ''The Range is 200" as of 8th edition, but 16 feet is still ridiculous.''

Also of note is 6th Edition's contribution of flyer units. The IG has the most non-apocalypse flyer units in 40k, and while some of them are absolutely useless for anything but flavor, some of them kick all kinds of ass. Triple twin-linked Lascannon, twin-linked Punisher Gatling cannons, or a flying tank-busting mega-bolter kinds of ass to be specific. Rape from above.

In summary, the Imperial Guard wins by having firepower, cannon fodder, and lots of both, transported in a massive variety of [[METAL BOXES]].

Unfortunately for the Guard, though, the Imperial Navy has a bad habit of taking ships that were designed to launch atmospheric craft in support of the Guard (such as Marauders) and instead sticks void combat attack craft inside (such as Furies) them. The result of this is painfully obvious if you're a Guardsman on the ground. Not to say they don't have air support, but that their air support has a presence that is completely at odds with the number of atmospheric fighters and bombers a ship can carry. The Navy literally fits whatever atmospheric fighters and bombers they can into whatever excess space remains after putting their Furies and Starhawks into hangers designed for holding countless Lightnings, Thunderbolts, Marauders, and Avengers, instead. Grimdark? Yep. Thanks to [[Roboute Guilliman]]'s reforms, the inability of Guard to fight at maximum efficiency (or make it to their destination in time without borrowing civilian transport ships) is kinda the point - it makes revolt much harder, and he didn't care if countless Imperium worlds would go to shit thanks to this, to exclude the possibility of [[heresy]] was much more important. Of course, the reason why a third of the Imperial Army rebelled was due to the Imperium violently conquering their worlds. Fortifying and consolidating conquests post-Heresy would have helped prevent rebellion and Administratum control (it was efficient back then) would have prevented the populace from feeling rebellious because their lives would be great. Damaging the Guard only prevented them from doing their job and really, any rebellious Guard regiments would be (and usually are) quickly annihilated by the loyalists surrounding them. Generally, they steal transports and Chaos forges provide plenty of aircraft for them. Defeating the point of weakening the Imperial Guard and actually making rebel regiments stronger.

Enter the Hydra. The only tank designed to take out aircraft. That is BADASS. Screw the navy. Hell, some regiments have a Leman Russ for every infantry squad! Do that with Thunderbolts or Lightnings in addition to the Russ and... yeah, epic stomp.

==Steel Balls, Then and Now==
In the ancient days of /tg/ before the Great Purge of 2009, the running meme for the Guard was that they had "steel balls", and it was well-deserved. In 4th edition and most editions prior, the Guard were stuck in the awkward position of being the Imperium's first line of defense, but were also obligated to be objectively worse than everyone at everything. The Guard were like the little brothers to the Space Marines, and when the Marines got a tank, the Guard got a hand-me-down tank that used to be a tractor. This constant relegation, coupled with the Guard's system of shooting anyone who backed down from a fight, gained them a reputation as being patently badass against all odds. Everyone was a bully to them, and yet they stood up tall and spat in every bully's face!

But in 5th edition Robin Cruddace took the helm for writing the Imperial Guard, and since it was his personal army and these were the days of "Spiritual Liege" writing, the Guard have shaped into bullies themselves. Since that time, the Guard have been able to field some of the most devastating weapons the game has to offer, with the largest armored battalions, to create some of the most frustrating meta environments possible. Tanks variants were also introduced that allowed the Leman Russ to escape the thumb of the Space Marines, so the "little brother" stigma came to a close. In fact it's now treated as a major crunch advantage to have access to some of the Guard's armory and design structure, and any competitive list will take the Guard meta into consideration. It's a foregone conclusion that they'll be in the upper tiers of play.

While it is logical that Space Marines would become an auxiliary to the Guard given the lore, and their sheer numbers set victory by attrition to be assured in the long run, the factions that would rival them based on the stories haven't held up well on the table. Orkz, the most militant and numerous combatants in the universe, have spent many long years suffering from poor accuracy and inane tactical pigeon-holes. It was, for example, standard procedure for Ork players to kill tanks by punching them because it's easier to have Orkz run after a moving vehicle than it is to get Tank Bustaz to shoot straight. As for Tyranids, the other race beyond numbers - Cruddace was allowed to write their codex and they paid dearly for it. For the better part of a decade, the bugs have also been using limited options to jury-rig solutions to basic problems that appear in every conventional 40k game.

Over time, people quit talking about how "badass" the Guard were. They aren't really underdogs in lore or crunch, and it's difficult to think of them as "bold" when you watch a Guard player table your army in a single round of shooting. If anything, it's the Orkz and everyone else who are brave as all hell for standing up to the bastards, or too stupid to stop, or both.

==Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard==
[[File:Stormtrooper vs Ork.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Who's "ded 'ard" NOW, you fat, grammatically challenged cucumber?!]]
*[[Ciaphas Cain]] - '''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM''' (Charming Commissar in the Harry Flashman/Edmund Blackadder tradition.)
*<s>Colonel-Commissar</s> <s>Lord Militant Commander</s> [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|First Lord Executor Militant Ibram Gaunt]] - (Rambo + Sharpe + 40,000 king of awesome) Main protagonist of Gaunt's Ghosts, and a REAL hero of the Imperium, [[grimdark|unjustly doomed to lowly obscurity]].
*[[Commissar Yarrick]] - Old one-eye. Saviour of Armageddon, twice. Known for having an Ork Klaw on his arm, having a personal Baneblade, and a [[gay|bizarre]] relationship with the ork warlord [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]].
*[[Holt|Commissar Holt]] - Awesome cinematics are awesome, from Warhammer 40,000: Final Liberation. Don't you dare to simply call him Holt. {{BLAM}}
*[[Commissar Dan]] - "But Commissar Dan says we're on a blaze for glory run!" "Commissar Dan is a ''maniac''! Never listen to anything he says." Also canon thanks to FFG.
*[[Commissar Fuklaw]] - Currently in service with the [[Angry Marines]].
*[[Commissar Raege]] - Currently trolling faggoty [[Space Marines]].
*[[General Sturnn]] - Manly damn old son of a bitch, from [[Dawn of War#Winter Assault|Dawn of War: Winter Assault]]. Struggles with grammar because of the grit in his teeth.
*[[Castor|Lord General Castor]] - Sporting a manly mustache and known for having a trophy room full of Tyranid heads.
*[[Ollanius Pius]] - The catalyst for the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] finally ''erasing'' [[Horus]] out of existence. (Erased from canon at one point, later restored, and as of the Horus Heresy book series the fluff for him is a bit complicated, but he's still awesome in his own way.)
*[[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] - Another manly bastard, <s>famous for "losing" a hundred [[Baneblade]]s.</s>{{BLAM}}{{BLAM|LIES AND CHAOS PROPAGANDA!!! There is nothing written about the Baneblades being lost.}}
*[[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I ate a Miral landshark for breakfast" Straken]] - Yet another manly fucker and another solid contender for biggest balls in the Imperial Guard.
*[[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Knight Commander Pask]] - Rain man in 40k. An autistic Leman Russ tank ace that has destroyed Titans and Gargants. With a Leman Russ. He somehow manages to wreck his tank in every battle, always getting a new one and renaming it "hand of steel." He's managed to claw his way out of hundreds of burning wrecks somehow.
*[[Colonel Greiss]] - Straken's former commander and proof that the manliest fuckers the Imperial Guard have aren't necessarily the biggest.
*[[Creed|Lord Castellan Usarkar E. Creed]] - Famous for outflanking enemies with Titans. Must have been the work of some sort of tactical geniu-CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!
*[[Merrick]] - Tough bastard who survived a Tyranid Invasion, a Chaos uprising, ten years of nonstop combat, and putting a gun to his superior's head. Also fucking strong, since he can carry an entire heavy weapons setup on his own.
*[[Sly Marbo]] - ...by time you have read this... you are already dead... <strike>Gone, just like Creed's ability to scout titans, because GW hates awesome things.</strike> He's ''baaaaaaack...''
*[[Doom]] Marine - because, why the hell not?
* Engineseers - All of them. Want to repair your own tank, do you? HERE'S THE FUCKING MANUAL. By the way, it's [[Heresy]] to do it yourself.
* [[Lord Commander Solar Macharius]] - A Brilliant tactician who [[Gets Shit Done]] (in fluff) and the most useless command choice from the Second Edition Codex: Imperial Guard who would habitually screw up your entire battle plan since he rolled for his strategy rating on a D6 (which decided who got the first turn) and 4-6 would stop you firing your army-fucking pre-battle barrage. On a 6 you also had to put everything you had in reserve on the table. He also had no model and the fluff gave no idea what he looked like. IMPROVED IN 3RD ED WHEN HE GOT BETTER RULES AND A MODEL: Baseline stats are: WS D3+2, BS4, S3, T3, W4, I4, A D3+1, LD10
**Because he is slow in his old age, he has an initiative of 4, which is pretty bad, but he can potentially have four attacks with a mastercrafted power weapon at a WS of 5. He's still too wild of a character to use in a serious game, so save him for your fuck-around games, or Apocalypse.
**In conclusion, he has a terrible crunch but have a ridiculously awesome fluff being as the most successful Warmaster ever existed since the Great Crusade
*Colonel Schaeffer - The most crazy, malicious, heinous and downright evil imperial guard officer to ever exist. Most other officers are either incompetent when battlefield tactics are concerned or egocentric to the point of believing nothing else around them has a pulse, ultimately resulting in the average footslogger having such a brief lifespan. Colonel Schaeffer on the other hand, intends to make those under his command suffer in the most grueling, painful and surprisingly productive way possible.
*Colonel Jurten - Nuked the living shit out of his own planet, 'cuz Krieg ain't belonging to no one but the Big E. Then inhabited it solely with clones, mostly of himself.
*[[Commander Kubrik Chenkov]] "Now see here comrade, is all for great glory of great Stalin empero- Нет! Вернись, свинья! {{BLAM}} Essentially a sterotypically Soviet General IN SPESS. Known for being the most famous user of the "send in the next wave" tactic, [[Grimdark|wherein a squad of 50 conscript guardsman are sent into a minefield to clear it by triggering them and another 50 are sent in immediately when they all inevitably die]]. The biggest waste of flesh the Imperial Guard will likely ever see, he's only survived by dint of never running out of soldiers and somehow clawing together victories. Emperor help Chenkov's ass if he meets Ibram Gaunt, Ciaphas Cain or Vance Motherfuckin Stubbs as he will most likely end up in the Penal Legions if they hear how that idiot spends his men like autogun bullets. Heck its a surprise that no other Imperial Guard leader or commander above Chenkov has shanked his ass yet. His only redeeming factor is that he considers his life no more important that anyone else's and leads his men from the front.

==Main Advantages of Fielding an Imperial Guard Army==
*Shit loads of men to throw around the battlefield[[File:tautears.png|500px|right|thumb|Sweet, sweet salty tears.]]
*'''[[Basilisk Artillery Gun|BASILISKS]]'''
*'''[[Baneblade|BANEBLADES]]'''
*'''[[Manticore Rocket Launcher|MANTICORES]]'''
*'''[[Leman Russ Battle Tank|LEMAN RUSSES]]'''
*'''[[commissar|*BLAM*]]'''
*[[Creed|Titans acting as scouts]].
*Reasonable prices for vehicles.
*Tank Squadrons.
*The first and best [[Hydra Flak Tank|Flak Tank]].
*Loyal soldiers that can and will [[Ollanius Pius|hold the line to the bitter end]].
*[[Commissar Yarrick]]
*Cool looking models and plenty of variety to choose from.
*Standard issue adamantium balls.
*'''YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY FORGET THAT YOUR GUYS FIELD ''THE BEST TANKS OF THE GAME'', RIGHT?'''
*'''VANQUISHERS, FUCK YOU [[tau|BLUE SKINNED PANZIES]]'''
*Did we forget to mention that all units have standard issue balls of steel? Except for Yarrick. He has adamantium balls. And [[Sly Marbo|that guy in the cardboard box]]. <del>He has Power Balls.</del>(No one has ever been able to confirm what kind of balls he has (EXCEPT FOR YO MAMA! OOOOOH!) no one fucks with Sly is any form of the word and lives to tell the tale)

==<del>Downsides to being a Guardsman</del> Highly fanciful scenarios that most likely will not occur during your glorious service as a Guardsman==

While your local propaganda might say that being in the guard is the most honorable thing you could ever get into, and it is! Here is a small list of things that will very likely never happen to you and are entirely preventable with forethought, your trusty lasgun, and endless faith in the Emperor:

[[File:709869c659acffb373baece7b5d00582-d6lzjxz.jpg|right|thumb|300px|[[Awesome|Heroic last stands]] not included, [[Grimdark|but encouraged greatly]].]]

*You will die in the line of duty and no-one but your family and friends will remember you unless you've done something that only a Space Marine could do in combat. ''Anyone can do it!''
*You're expendable in every sense of the word. ''Freedom isn't free and you're the currency that pays for it!''
*Your Commissar might execute you to make your friends fight harder. ''You deserved it.''
*Your Commissar might execute your friends to make you fight harder. ''They deserved it.''
*Unless you're in a special forces division like the Kasrkin, you're really just a meatshield in large scale assaults. ''A glorious, spiffy looking meatshield!''
*"See how great this is? Your very own laser gun!" Too bad it's a bad joke compared to everyone else's guns. ''You're just using it wrong.''
*You can't even die when you want to. ''You don't want to be a quitter, do you?''
*You might be: [[Chaos Space Marines|mutilated, disemboweled]], [[Tyranids|eaten alive]], [[Orks|chopped into meat chunks by a rusty slab of metal]], [[Necron|disassembled into your component atoms]], [[Chaos Gods|sacrificed to the Chaos Gods]], [[Imperium|left for dead]], [[Dark Eldar|tortured for fun by xenos]], [[Chaos|mutants, heretics and zealots]], [[Eldar|stuffed with shurikens and lasers better than yours]], or blasted by [[Tau|Railgun]] rounds. ''But you'll earn the eternal gratitude of the Emperor!''
*You will be sent into hopeless situations and your superiors expect you to fight without retreating or showing cowardice. ''Just do it, no one likes a crybaby!''
*You may be used as mine clearance. By being marched through the minefield. ''That's right boys, you can teach those dastardly mines who's boss by blowing them up!''
* Even if after losing your entire regiment, watching your last-minute friends die horrendous deaths, and generally do the most gruesome work to win the day; the minute Space Marines come crashing down from the sky; They'll take all the credit for it, even if the Marines themselves attribute the win to you. ''They deserve it.''
* Those same Space Marines might [[Marines Malevolent|bomb you and the civilians you're trying to save into mulch because you're too weak to be worth rescuing.]] ''You deserve it, weakling.''
*You will be taken from your home planet and dropped on the other side of the universe to fight in a war you didn't know existed. ''Think of the interesting people you'll meet, and then subsequently possibly kill!''
*You will NEVER see your home planet again unless you are stationed there. In which case it is likely under siege by yet another one of the Imperium's foes, and will likely remain so for the remainder of your short life. ''Think of the interesting places you'll see, and then subsequently blow up!''
*5 Million of you dying under a four hour assault by orks, is considered a flawless victory by Segmentum Command (Then again that would likely be either a very large ork warband or a WAAAGH!, so GOOD JOB!). ''Better than 5 million and one, am I right?''
*If you fight along side Grey Knights, you will be *BLAMMED*, or mindfucked and lobotomized, after the battle in the interest of secrecy. ''Grey Knights don't exist, that's silly.''
*Hell, just fighting Chaos has a slight chance of you getting disposed of after the battle because the Inquisitor investigating your regiment thinks that you may be a slight, bit, tad tainted. ''You wouldn't want to spread that taint would you?''
*Even when your army are the only ones that still uses combined arms warfare, your army still sucks, since it's routinely losing entire brigades (complete with Armor vehicles and aircraft) to any single bog-standard Space Marine and/or xeno mook. ''But not you! Your buddies and you can definitely take 'em!''
*God forbid you dare complain. Fucking Commissars. ''Morale must be maintained!''

==Memorable Quotations==

[[File:Astra Militarum Symbol.jpg|right|400px]]

- ""The meaning of victory is not to merely defeat your enemy but to destroy him, to completely eradicate him from living memory, to leave no remnant of his endeavours, to crush his achievement and remove all record of his very existence. From that defeat there is no recovery. That is the meaning of victory." - [[Lord Solar Macharius]]

- "The enemies of mankind may employ dark sciences or alien weapons beyond Humanity's ken, but such deviance comes to naught in the face of honest human intolerance backed by a sufficient number of guns."

-DRIVE ME CLOSER! I want to hit them with my sword! (originally a meme that started from a picture of a Commissar standing up in a tank hatch brandishing his sword, the phrase became so popular it is one of Commissar Lord Bernn's in campaign/skirmish/multiplayer lines when he gets in a Chimera in Dawn of War II, Retribution)

- "When in doubt, throw more men at it."

- “You see, Necrons have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own Whiteshields at them until they reached their limit and shut down.” - General Brannigan of the Cadian 25th

- "Look at me. Look at me! ''This'' is home now, Trooper! This is the zone! It doesn't like you, but by the Throne, it's where you are! The Emperor wants you, boy! Did no one ever tell you that? The Emperor wants you to make his glory for him! And if you're scared, I'm terrified. The [[Chaos|archenemy]] is no playmate. You're going to see things, and be expected to do things your poor mother would have a fit at. But the Emperor expects, and the Emperor ''protects'', all of us, even you. Especially you - I promise you that." - [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]

- "That which I cannot crush with words alone, I shall crush with the [[Baneblade|tanks]] of the Imperial Guard!"

- "You're a fearsome warrior! Act like it!" - [[Dawn of War II|General Castor]]

- "[[Commissar|You don't die until I say so!]]"

- "[[Commissar|Glory to the first man to die! CHARGE!!!]]"

- [[Grimdark|"Yes, you shall die when assaulting a well maintained fortress]] under a [[Creed|competent]] [[Commissar|commander]]. But at least strive to make your death useful." (Paraphrased)

- "We go beyond [[Astronomican |the emperor's light]]. To the darkest reaches in the galaxy. Good thing we brought our [[lasgun|flashlights]]!"

- "To each of us falls a task, and all the Emperor requires of us Guardsmen is that we stand the line, and we die fighting. It is what we do best: We die standing." - General Sturnn, Dawn of War: Winter Assault

- "All right men! TIME TO WAGE TO WAR!" - [[Sturnn]]

- "Remember, we have more numbers men!" - sergeant in skirmish/multiplayer line from Dawn of War II Retribution

- "Let's see them fight ALL of us!" Guardsman, Dawn of War: Soulstorm

- "For each one of us that falls, 10 more will take its place!" Guardsman, Dawn of War: Soulstorm

- "We died so that others may live" - Unkown Brimlock Dragoon

- "Infantry wins firefights, tanks win battles, artillery wins wars." - Tactica Imperialis

- "A Guardsman's LIFE is to die. My job has always been to send them where they CAN die. I'm not afraid to spend men, but I never waste them!" - [[Dawn of War II|General Castor]]

- "Your foe is well equipped, well-trained, battle-hardened. He believes his gods are on his side. Let him believe what he will. We have the tanks on ours." - Colonel Joachim Pfeiff, [[Death Korps of Krieg|Krieg]] 14th Armoured Regiment

- "We'd offer a pension if we thought you needed it..." - Unknown Recruiting Officer.

- "When in mortal danger, when beset by doubt, run in little circles, wave your hands and shout." - Parody of the Litany of Command. (More popular then you think)

- "LET ME PREACH HIS NAME!" - Priest

- "Our death will be MAGNIFICENT!" - Priest

- "A good general does not lead an army to destruction just because he knows it will follow." - The Tactica Imperialis

- "If at first you don't succeed, bring heavier firepower!"

- "[[Blam|THERE WILL BE NO COWARDICE IN THE EMPEROR'S SERVICE, GUARDSMAN!]]"- Unknown Inquisitors

- "They just keep coming!" Heretic Stevos, counting troop ships.

- "GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- "Did I give you permission to get shot soldier? Then don't let those heretics shoot you!"

- "Tanks! Where are the bloody tanks!?"

- "Where is that ARTILLERY!?"

- "Remember your training and you ''will'' make it back alive" - Unknown deceased Guardsman

- “Have you seen my flashlight?”

- "Let my epitaph be this; I was born nameless and abandoned in the gutter of a sunless pit, but I have died a conqueror of worlds." - Reputed last words of Lord Militant Erais Slaithe

- "If I found out that you have been coveting HERESY, I shall force-feed you your own ******" Mordian Guard Commissar warning a newly promoted sergeant from his regiment.( Take a guess on the proposed ration)

- "We'll get through this I know it" - Random Guardsman Dawn of War

- "Nothing crushes the spirit of man! The Imperium overcomes and WE ARE the Imperium!"

- "WITNESS YOUR DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMAH!!!" - IG psyker unleashing his unholy wrath

==A Piece of Writing That Explains the Imperial Guard==
At the end of the day, though he's been ferried through [[Warp|hell]] on a ship that's ten thousand years old to some godforsaken, war-torn rock; though he deployed from high orbit with nothing but a grav chute; though he is one of ten million men and women snatched from his homeworld to fight a war he barely understands; though he has been given a weapon that fires small suns and may annihilate him as he fires because the knowledge of how it functions has been lost; though his company is supported by tractor-tanks that run on anything you can burn; though he wages war against a [[Tyranid|devouring hivemind]], ravenous [[Daemon|demons]] and [[Ork|hordes]] of [[Eldar|hyper-advanced]] [[Tau|aliens]] with strange technologies and sorceries he never dreamed existed; no one will remember his sacrifice, there will be no records of his deeds, no glorious parades in his honor, and no remembrance of his name. All he will earn is a shallow, unmarked grave on a forgotten world untold lightyears from home.

Yet for all this thankless sacrifice a Guardsman is a man, just like you. He has no [[Space Marines|millennia-old genetic engineering]], no [[Emperor|prophetic leader]], no [[Sisters of Battle|miracles of faith]]. He has his lasgun, his orders, and those beside him. He is an Imperial Guardsman.

[[Awesome|And he will hold the line.]]

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=139wRZ83gKg Now in Manly Tear inducing audio format!]

==The Imperial Guard's Anthems==

For more Imperial anthems, consult your Uplifting Primer.
While the Ecclesiarchy and several, if not all, Chapters of Space Marines look down upon the frivolities of music (unless said music is sung in somberly in High Gothic and praises the Emperor) as distracting to any soldier in carrying out his Divine Duty, the Imperial Guard still makes heavy use of marching themes and anthems. Examples are given below:

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AwIWi6r0p4 - A well known march of the Imperial Guard known galaxy wide, it was first used by the Imperial Army during the Great Crusade. Its origins are thought to be much older, and it is rumored to have originated in the 2nd millennium.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmX1NlxYt_k - Imperial Guard in a nutshell
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0bcRCCg01I - Baleeted no longer
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWBoMWZJkeI - (none of that faggy 'mercan shite)(It's pronounced 'Murican)
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxapTnODhCs - A marching song that most Training worlds use to this day.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJNz2QgSNsk - Standard cadence song sung by veteran units.
*https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n7hHlh2IusY - Commonly sung by Trench and siege regiments, thought to be about an ancient civil war
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XCNshTP3ig - Sung at the Funeral of Fallen Death Korps soldiers.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjvKZHJeayg - Rumored to be used by Praetorian Guard Regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRIAw6LkqlE - Again, a rumored anthem.
*https://youtu.be/4p4XfQeuXZk - This is sung by extremely hardcore and grim regiments, is rumored to have originated from Krieg.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5NzAksjfDI - Wildly popular Catachan song, most notable for being sung aboard transports.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS1lBID2Mtw - Popular parade piece for the Phantine Air Corps
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n_QBxBs0QQ - Sung at the funerals of the nameless heroes
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCGB81DBzOc - Rumored to be used by the Men of Tanith
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9Tye_bzl9U - Sung by many of the Imperial armored regiments
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91kdwxFsthI - National Anthem of the Valhallan Ice Warriors
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZujhoHZBsg - National Anthem of the Death Korps of Krieg (Dead link)
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9fSEdZIM08 - March of the Death Korps of Krieg
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIVSpY8xY9I - March of the Praetorian Lifeguard (This video is unavailable.)
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1Qkzj5bStU - sang by Cadian Regiments, also popular with Imperial Navy Pilots (dead link)
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5W1NCmV_OM - Planetary Anthem of Cadia
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NWEmnRbkRw - Regimental march of the Kronus 1st "Liberators"
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G5rfPISIwo - Heard being sung by Praetorian Hussars returning from deployment in the Crimean sector
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo6KdeCvESw - Sung by the guardsmen of the Armageddon Steel Legion
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXH3QJrx98U - Another favorite of the Steel Legion
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUQCmDfKFac - Often sung by Veteran Guardsmen of Cadia during planetary deployment between outbreaks of combat.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWgsdexkv18 - Harakoni Warhawks are sometimes required to memorize the lyrics as part of their training.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzTisgf8p8E - The Elysians also love singing that while they are maintaining their FAMAS Accatran Lasgun
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26cr_rBQu74&list=UUlvMzsGbi7LACFNRPTLhJjw&index=10 - A traditional folk/drinking song of the Vostroyan Light Armor and Mounted regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLV4_xaYynY - Traditional Catachan folk song. Catachan Guardsmen are sometimes heard either humming, warbling or whistling this song while on Guard duty.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V92OBNsQgxU - This is song is inevitably played over loudspeakers whenever there are two or more Valkyries entering the battlefield.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVcD1gW-cQE - This song begun to resurface throughout Valhallan Armored Regiments after a few joint missions with Knight Commander Pask's Cadian 423rd Armoured Regiment.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAOOhfQI13s - another anthem for Cadian Shock Troops.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1uGm_dIqBI - Quite popular among Vostroyan artillery regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZpbCLdg-r8 - Heard from a regiment of Storm Troopers surfacing from an extensive period hiding behind enemy lines on an Ork-controlled world.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnaF4_LTovk - A list of Commonly sung Krieg songs.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uTnl78HLDQ- Common song by the Elysian drop troops commemorating famous battles.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eji8eWwOu3g- Sung by many Kreig units that found themselves in city warfare.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLTpKs2ylP4- A common tune by Valhallan snipers between warzones.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrJAwCBbnuc- Often sung by storm troopers during risky and/or frontal assaults on enemy forward positions or leading massive charges.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNv-uAUqr9k - Played after a particularly heavy victory, one where the casualties mount to more than 90%
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkxHiQO6vjw - Popular piece played by Elysians,Phantines and Harakoni on any available vox systems while commencing an orbit or air-borne mass scale invasion, specifically on enemy fortresses and the like during limited orbital bombardments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKT7qxk9-pw - A campfire song often heard from Drookian Fen Guard encampments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7J__ZdvsZaE - Commonly sung by Valhallan Armoured Regiments as they drive into battle.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkrTf729Gzk - A fight song of various Cadian regiments heard while on long marches, or before an offensive push.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L740ESYghT0&index=40 - A song of Armoured Regiments of the Armageddon Steel Legion.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JKar_hChU4 - Another Krieg March song.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ift85e38H3M - Schola Progenium's unofficial anthem.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_AXybK015o- The Anthem of the Krieg Armoured Regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umzRoqtWvrA- Sometimes heard while the Drookian Fen Guard are on the march.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YsMCqgZPKE- Heard when the Drookian Fen Guard are in battle.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhqWHIq-aZw- Undisputed Anthem of the Imperial Guard.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6MgTQ-56P0- Ballad of the Imperial Guardsman
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRhg2zvalXc- A favoured marching hymn of particularly devout Guardsmen Regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je6tcrVEzW8 - A traditional song used by Imperial Guard regiments of all types raised from the Nippon Sector of the Ultima Segmentum.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLBy2IZVgKI - An ancient march used by Imperial Guard regiments across the galaxy, and rumored to date back to ancient times.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6K6-JomneA - A popular theme originally used for propaganda pieces, but since adapted for victory marches.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjIVkl34Vig - A litany often sung by Kasrkins and various veterans of campaigns against the forces of Chaos, said to greatly aid in the banishment of daemons and other forces of the Arch Enemy.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLtNE6MMGR4&t=0m9s - This piece first resurfaced during the Siege of Terra, and has since become a staple march for the Imperial Guard, especially in Cadia.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iOJ99eb-j8 - This piece is usually played when Vostroyans are on the march.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7VLTqGCOC8&t=0m8s - This ancient piece initially resurfaced in a loyalist propaganda video during the Horus Heresy, and has become a standard march among the Mordian Iron Guard.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AB0k4Itneg - March of the Maccabian Janissaries. Or you know, the original one, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ulg1ahV552g or if you are interested in some visuals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZr1ibaFE_4
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PxlJLUqFzY - Valhallan Ice Warriors, ''especially'' those under Commander Kubrik Chenkov, march to this tune.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6EIv9GULJU - Initially intended as a titan legions' march, this intimidating piece quickly spread to the few baneblade companies still active, and was then expanded into the appropriately named litany of war that the ''entire army'', from the general down, is supposed to chant prior to making contact with the enemy. Only the most badass forces of the Imperial Guard know of its existence.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBa5tf4BZ10 - Lord General Castor personally commissioned this music so that he and his men sound more glorious than other guard armies marching to war.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNv1ImIa1-4 - This is often played in recruitment ads alongside an imperial guard training montage.(seriously though, try exercising to the sound of this; the running to war and urging to never stop gave me so much gains and confidence that I [[Heresy|seduced an elda-]] I mean, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|assert human Dominance over inferior xenos!]])
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRmES6IJk_o - A song sometimes sang by PDF Regiments, preferably when a Commissar is absent.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXSk-WVLS2A - This piece is often used to signify the both the domineering, incalculable might of the Imperial Guard, as well as to mark planetfall.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geB2bIV9_v4 - At the gates of Cadia
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FW310pS8aNY - This march is favored by more [[Hua Yuan Exterminators|oriental-themed]] guard regiments. Anyone who mentions to them that it sounds like the music of [[Tau|Blueberries]] are reminded that humanity invented oriental music first, that the Tau have committed massive copyright infringement and owe the Imperium trillions in royalties, and are then executed.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3KlpFBIb00 - This piece is often played in imperial triumphs and victory marches. [[Grimdark|Those seem to be happening less and less these days.]]
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeNrhMix2Sw - A Popular music piece among the [[Harakoni Warhawks]] and [[Elysian Drop Troops]], usually played on Vultures,valkryies' and other rapid insertion/deployment or Attack aircraft on the eve of a shock-and-awe offensive. Also (although originating from Harakoni-adjacent cadets)used from time to time by Imperial Navy.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeyDfVjq6sw&t=12s - A Vostroyan ditty that has since become popular among cavalry regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMDPwBikzps - Musical piece last heard and recorded by the orbital satellites around [[Cadia]] before the eye of terror completely devoured it. Apparently found playing from numerous vox casters around the fortress cities while the 8th made their last stand. Now an unofficial anthem of vengeance by Surviving Cadian regiments
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrNUnUMSQk4 - Vostroyan parade march.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G136GODWKhc - An immensely popular Vostroyan campaign march, also used as a litany of battle against heretics and chaos, and a variant was created for victory parades https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWBh8Q_VOHM
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BhGWO01pIs - ancient anthem that came from the Death Korps of Krieg, of all places; [[grimdark|they don't sing it anymore]]
There is a disturbing lack of hell march in this list. Whoever is responsible report to your local commissar and prepare for summary blamming.

Problem with that: It's Hell March. The local Commissar wants to see you.
Nothing wrong with "Hell" march, if it was "Warp" March or "Heretic" March, there'd be a problem. As it goes, does the imperial guard nor deliver the Emperor's judgement upon the Traitor, Mutant and Heretic? Their wrath(Firepower) can rightly be described as "Hell" should it be directed at you.

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HUWUtTZvK4 - music piece made popular by Vostroyan and Valhallan regiments when launching all out assaults (persistent rumours that the Death Korps and Cadians have adapted the piece continue to be denied by respective parties)

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUOPvtVZwo8 - Originally used by the Frateris Templar, the song was forgotten until it's resurgence to Cadia's defenders during the 13th Black Crusade.

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nFKPVfDrgU - Cadian version of popular Vostroyan/ Valhallan music piece played when launching all out assaults on enemy bases.

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHICh8PoDu8 - A traditional Catachan folk song, notably sung by bands of Jungle Fighters during particularly intense firefights, and reportedly based off of <strike>an older Catachan folktale.</strike> [[Sly Marbo]].

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRhg2zvalXc - A song often sung by Guard regiments holding out against overwhelming enemy forces to maintain moral as they Hold The Line, said to have been blasted from every available vox unit and speaker during the final days of Cadia.

*https://youtu.be/hrG0AwUJQDQ - A common marching theme for the Arkhan Confederates, said to date back to late M1

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0TzUNti3rY - A popular war hymn with Cadian forces going into battle against the hordes of Chaos, VENGEANCE FOR CADIA!

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7icNhOYXgA - An ancient piece of music often blasted as entire Super Heavy tank companies roll into battle, said to signify the doom of The Emperor's foes and the triumph of His servants

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFkbyajVWR8 - As The Cadian 8th "Castellan's Own" makes one final stand to buy time to evacuate as much troops as possible out of Cadia, This Music was played on every Vox Channel as Creed and His Men take as many of the Heretics with them to Hell
*https://youtu.be/CIGHCoVzqtk - Associated with the 18th Cadian after defeating Hive Fleet Gorgon. Based on an older song supposedly first played during the purging of the insectoid xenos known as "Arachnids".

*https://youtu.be/_Efb1DAeA34 - An ancient Valhallan march said to be sung by the Ice Warriors' defenders during the dreaded War of Survival against the Orks, and rumored to have been sang by regiments of the Valhallan Ice Warriors throughout the War of the Beast.

==Notable Imperial Guard Forces==
Because GW was too lazy to create an original themed Imperial Guard army, they basically used RL armies as a base for them, gave them a little touch of [[grimdark]], assorted amounts of tempered ceramite balls and placed them... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!

*[[Cadia|Cadian Shock Troops]]: (Now homeless after Cadia's fall) Generic occidental army/Colonial Marine clones... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FOR [[Imperium|IMPERIUM]] AND [[Emprah|EMPEROR]]! CADIA STANDS!
*[[Catachan Jungle Fighters]]: Vietnam War Americans (and Australians) ... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! GOOD MORNING CATACHAN!
*[[Tallarn Desert Raiders]]: Lawrence of Arabia's Raiders (or Mujihadeen)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! !الإمبراطور أكبر
*[[Armageddon Steel Legion]]: Wehrmacht mechanized divisions... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FÜR DEN IMPERATOR, FEUER FREI!
*[[Valhallan Ice Warriors]]: World War II Soviet Red Army... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ЗА РОДИНУ! ЗА ИМПЕРАТОРА! НИ ШАГУ НАЗАД!
*[[Mordian Iron Guard]]: Napoleonic Prussians (spiffing blue uniforms, iron hard discipline and ranked fire)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! GOTT KAISER MIT UNS!
*[[Death Korps of Krieg]]: WWI's Western Front (both sides)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Now that we're in space, imagine what the Clone Army in [[Star Wars]] might be if Lucas liked grimdark as much as he liked CGI and revising the original trilogy.
*[[Vostroyan Firstborn]]: Cossacks... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! YOU WILL NOT MAKE SUBJECTS OF IMPERIAL SONS, FUCK YOUR MOTHER!
*[[Elysian Drop Troops]]: French paratroopers... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! QUI OSE GAGNE! POUR L'EMPEREUR! (Taros Campaign=Dien Bien Phu or Operation Market Garden)
*[[Dieprian Mountain Men]]: Italian Army Alpini Corps... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! NESSUNA MONTAGNA È TROPPO ALTA PER NOI, PER L'IMPERATORE!
*[[Harakoni Warhawks]]: American paratroopers... IIIIIINNNN SPACE! GREEN LIGHT!!! LET'S GO!
*[[Tanith First (And Only)]]: Scots and Welsh... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! OFNI FI, OND DDILYNWCH!
*[[Attilan Rough Riders]]: <strike>Mongols</strike> Huns... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ([[White Scars|Yes, again.]])
*[[Savlar Chem Dogs]]: Post-apocalyptic raiders (and a bit of the Vietnam War tunnel rats )... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! They rule Bartertown, get out of here guardsman.
*[[Drookian Fen Guard]]: Anglo-Scottish border reivers... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! A GOT NAE PANTS ON UNDER MA KILT SO A KIN DRAPE MA BALLS ON YER FACE WHILE YE CHOKE ON YER OWN BLOOD, YE NINNY LITTLE WANKER!!
*[[Praetorian Guard]]: Victorian British Army... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! PRAETORIANS NEVER YIELD! (Ever seen the movie ''Zulu''? Like that, but against [[ork|Orks]]. And yes that is a bit racist when you stop and think about it but oh well.)
*[[Kanak Skull Takers]]: Cavemen (with some Apache)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ME TARZAN, YOU DEAD!!
*[[Phantine Air Corps]]: Battle of Britain RAF... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FLIP OVER ON HIS BETTY HARPER AND CATCH HIS CAN IN THE VERTI!!
*[[Phantine Skyborne]]: British SAS... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Who dares, wins.
*[[Scintillan Fusiliers]]: 18th century French aristocrats... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! QU'ILS MANGENT DE LA BRIOCHE!! Likely doomed if their [[Commissar|Commissars]] get an STC for a portable guillotine.
*[[Ventrillian Nobles]]: 16th century Spanish Conquistadors (with some WHFB Tileans)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! POR VENTRILLIA, EL IMPERIO Y EL EMPERADOR!!!
*[[Maccabian Janissaries]]: Ottoman Empire's Elite Corps... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! AMINA KOYAYIM!! Nobody cared who they were until they put on the masks.
*[[Solar Auxilia]]: The first iteration of the Imperial Guard.

With such a large and diverse collection of units in the Imperial Guard that puts even the Space Marine armies to shame, you'd think that you'd have plenty of options for fielding an army, right? Well, I've got some bad news for you: Realistically, you can only field Cadians and Catachans in large numbers, as well as the Death Korps and Elysians if you're willing to pay [[Forge World]] prices. As for everyone else? Either discontinued, or frequently out of stock, and most of them are still in pewter, so good luck trying to get custom loadouts. Yes, some units like the Attilans or Harakoni may seem too out there to have broad appeal, but you'd think at least the Steel Legion would get more support, what with their intimate involvement in [[Armageddon]], one of 7th Edition's Warzone settings (or it could be a scam to make yo pay FW prices as their models look pretty similar to death korps). Luckily, there are [[Victoria Miniatures|some people]] out there who have got you covered.

==Imperial Guard forces featured in Black Library novels==
The writers from Black Library have also created some armies for Black Library novels, and while some of them only appear in one novel or short story they may be worth mentioned as a great source of custom Imperial Guard armies:

* Arkhan Confederates, Civil War American Regiments... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Featured in the extremely [[grimdark]] novel ''Fire Caste'', their name seems to be a reference both to the state of Arkansas and [[H.P. Lovecraft]]'s haunted city of Arkham (also their homeplanet is Providence, so yeah), they just came out of a civil war between loyalists and rebels, with their average troopers getting the slang of "greybacks", their culture is akin to America's 19th century with a bit of northern barbarian for some measure, while the Adeptus Mechanicus have enforced Mars dogma Arkhan nobles still have a tendency to tweak and build their own machines as a form of Omnissiah worship, which have resulted in [[Awesome|jumpack sentinels and the Zouaves clockwork power-armoured elite soldiers, which are capable to stand their ground against Tau battlesuits]] (progress!), also their psykers usually come with a northern tribesman guardian who is tasked to chop the psyker's head in case it gets perils of the warp.

==[[/tg/_40,000#Imperial_Guard | /tg/ Homebrew Guard Forces]]==
Here are some of the regiments spawned by /tg/.
* [[Cendra#Armed_Forces |Cendran Abolishers]] Pyromaniacs who eat the burnt flesh of their enemies.
* [[Darmine#Darmine_Marshalls | Darmine Marshalls]] Elite sharpshooters supported by huge amounts of explosive collar-fitted penal troopers.
*[[Onóir#Onóir_First_and_Foremost | Onóir_First_and_Foremost]] Heavy troopers who use an unholy amount of [[Valkyrie|Valkyries]] and flamethrowers
* [[Ferdain#Ferdain_Mustangs | Ferdain Mustangs]] Cavalry regiment that use genetically tailored horses that are practically heavy armour.
* [[Sauristoni#Armed_Forces| Sauristoni Ghostchasers]] Renowned scouts and trackers who are experts on Eldar.
* [[1st Membranes]] A regiment made almost entirely of psykers from a black ship that crashed on a forge world.
* [[Arianius Divided Regiments]] Regiments are segregated along gender lines. Men are [[Choppa|slicey]] women are [[Dakka|shooty.]]
* [[Kandam | Kandamii Crabhunters]] A regiment made up of Augmented soldiers who specialize in Oceanic and Aerial warfare.
*[[New Terran Rangers]]: Or (NTR) for short. Are a group of <s>Slaaneshi cultist</s> I mean totally loyal Guard that all others should expire to be. Others should stride to be as heroic as them.
*[[Unbreakable Tritons]]: A rigorous and disciplined regiment, specializing in aquatic/amphibious, and naval combat.
* [[Terranknights | Terran Knights]] Elite regiments recruited exclusively from Terra. As a result they have some of the best equipment in the Imperium.
* [[Hell Harlots|2478th Penal Legion, "Hell Harlots"]] All-female penal legion close combat drop troops made up entirely of the same religious prison gang.
* [[All_Guardsmen_Party| Generian 99th Medium Infantry]] The original regiment of the [[All_Guardsmen_Party | All Guardsmen Party]] spawning some of the most dangerous, heretical, yet pragmatic acolytes in the entire inquisition.
*[[Hua Yuan Exterminators|Hua Yuan Exterminators]] Tyranid hunters and Hive warfare Specialists that use unique 'Color And Mayhem' tactics to disorient and daze in the cramped not!Honk Kong they're from. By far the most fleshed out /tg/ regiment to date.
*[[Franchfarran Legion]]: One of the stupidest ideas to come out of thinking about 40k. Beats the Benveadig Militia though...
*[[Varkhat| The Varkhese Legionnaires]]: Heroes of the Siege of Varkhat and the infamous mechanised force used by the Mechanicus in it's recent terraforming endevours.
* [[Argo Brigade]]: Regiment of brutally effective counterinsurgency operators who really, really enjoy crucifying dissidents, dissident sympathizers, and xenosupside down and/or sideways.
* The Karthak Raiders: Purple-clad Cadians with names like Kinmar, Kinfey and Kinross. There's a short story about them coming soon.
* [[Clavessa_Secundus| Clavessa Bush Brigade]]: Some poor sods who are posted in-orbit on the most parasitic death-world planet in the universe. EVERYTHING is a parasite here. It also has [[Bees|DEATH BEES]]. And the worst thing is, the enemies of the Imperium KEEP INVADING this place for some stupid reason (it says everything when the Orks are the only ones with ACTUALLY sensible, rational and understandable reasons to keep coming back to attack this shithole)

== See Also ==
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Imperial_Guard(8E)|Imperial Guard Tactics in-game.]]
*[[Lasgun]]
*[[Chem-chan]]
*[[Sentinel]]
*[[Hellhound]]
*[[Basilisk]]
*[[Leman Russ Battle Tank]]
*[[Baneblade]]
*[[Commissar]]
*[[Imperium]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Imperial Guard|Tactics/Imperial Guard]]
*[[Only War]] - The official Tabletop RPG of the Guard!
*[[Kasrkin-chan]]
*[http://www.forgeworld.co.uk/The_Horus_Heresy/Solar_Auxilia] - The Imperial Guard before they became the Astra Militarum of today, The awesome looking [[Solar Auxilia|SOLAR AUXILIA]]! Thank the Emperor for [[Forge World]].
*[[Regulations of the Imperial Guard]] Things The Imperial Guard Is No Longer Allowed To Do.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Faces of Warriors.png|Imperial Guard Veterans... Rare but not impossible, folks!
File:Guard Regiments 1.jpg
File:Guard Regiments 2.jpg
Image:Greeting.jpg
Image:Propaganda_by_DemonMads.jpg
Image:YoDawg.jpg
Image:IG_(2).jpg|
Image:Guardsmen.jpg|But this works too.
Image:1230085088983.png|[[wat]]
Image:Winterassault.jpg|Who needs Pauldrons?
Image:Repercussions.png|Commissar in action
Image:IG_(1).jpg|What the [[Jokaero]] should have been.
Image:The Courage of Man.png|AVE IMPERATOR MOTHERFUCKERS!
Image:Magnus Kale.png|Guardsmen - They Just Never Stop
Image:Basilisk.png|[[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisks]] are [[AWESOME]]
Image:balls.jpg|Imagine this, only 4 times bigger, heck even the women have 'em!
Image:GuardsmanHelmet.jpg|This man shows doubt. He will soon be executed.
Image:Warhammer-orcs.jpg|Come and get some, fucking green-skinned faggots!
Image:Guardsman.jpg|This is painfully accurate... except for missing the FUCKHEUG BALLS OF STEEL.
Image:1267818498305.jpg|One should never underestimate the awesomeness of a Guardsman.
Image:Grimdark checkers.jpg|In the grimdarkness of the 41st millennium, there are still old men playing checkers.
</gallery>
</center>
{{Promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Mira.jpg|It suggests a deep strike and close-quarters engagement.
Image:IG_melta.jpg
Image:Catachan-n.jpg
Image:IG_Babes_(1).jpg
Image:IG_Babes_(2).jpg
Image:IG_Babes_(3).jpg
Image:IG_Babes_(5).jpg
Image:Krieg_chan_01_by_Jaekyu.jpg
Image:Krieg_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg
Image:1227223498011.jpg
Image:IG_mot1.jpg
Image:IG_mot2.jpg
Image:IG_mot3.jpg
Image:Kasrkin_chan_sans_helmet_by_Jaekyu.jpg
Image:Kasrkin_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg
Image:IG_Babes_(4).jpg|"Thank the Emperor! Action!"
Image:Imperial_Guardswoman_by_IronShrineMaiden.jpg|Ponytails and light weaponry are standard issue.
Image:F0r t3h Emp3r0r by Kazuv.jpg|Even pregnant chicks get conscripted.
Image:Vostroy_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg|Vostroya is a cold and crappy place. Still people like it there. Guess why?
Image:Vostroya san by sexual yeti-da50g3x.png|[[Promotions|PROMOTIONS]]
</gallery>
</center>
==Navigation==
{{Imperial-Guard}}
{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}
{{Imperium}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

Sly Marbo

2019-07-28T13:05:10Z

2620:105:B001:B101:9C80:8362:1632:682: /* Death, Return, Death, and Return of a Hero */

{{awesome}}
{{Topquote|1='''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'''|2=Sly Marbo, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y as depicted] in [[TTS]]}}
{{topquote|1=We're like animals. It's in the blood. It's natural, peace that's an accident. It's what is. When you're pushed, killing is as easy as breathing.|2=[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrpjOI40IwY John Rambo.]}}

[[Image:Sly Marbo Art.jpg|frame|It's a motherfuckin' lead farm!]]

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8n1hKQULa9Y Sly Marbo in a nutshell.]

Sly Marbo (Sly as in Sylvester Stallone, Marbo as in an anagram of Rambo, with a recent dash of Arnie and Snake Plissken) is a renowned Catachan Jungle Fighter, however, he operates separately from other Catachan units as he's a lone wolf almost all the time.

==Marbo in Universe==
As a <s>RAMBO</s> Catachan native, the jungle is his element, and he is capable of buttfucking entire enemy forces through his innate skill at jungle and guerrilla warfare. He strikes from seemingly nowhere and disappears back into the dense jungle. He is famous for his excellent sniping skills (Which make a [[Vindicare Assassin]] look like an [[Ork Snipers|Ork]]) and is considered to be one of the deadliest Humans in existence; not bad for a Guardsman...

Mysterious and aloof, little is known about Marbo's origins, and most of what is said remains speculation. Only his bro, Colonel Traupman (totally not Trautman from the Rambo films) knows the truth of his past. Marbo is so majestically ripped, that his fellow Jungle Fighters compare him to a small Ork, to the point that his muscley bulk is considered almost inhuman, oh and his eyes are scary as all fuck.

It is said that he was one of ten brothers inducted into the Catachan XII Regiment, but they all ended up getting killed by Orks. Pissed off that he had lost his Bruva Marbo's, Sly hunted down the Ork Warboss, killed him, and strode on back to base with his head.

Marbo then gained renown as one of the few survivors of the Dark Eldar incursion of Galabad. The small garrison of Jungle Fighters stationed on the planet was too few in number compared to the hordes of xenos, and was soon overrun. Many historians recount the horrific details of long, dark nights of torture, in which the Catachan prisoners were dismembered whilst Wyches and Mandrakes bathed in the blood of their victims (kinky). It was Marbo's boi, Colonel Traupman who led the rescue force that eventually found Sly: the mad bastard was standing alone and armed only with a knife, covered from head to toe in alien blood. Marbo had prepared for his pal's arrival though, as he was surrounded by destroyed vehicles, piles of alien bodies and had even bothered to put the head of the Dark Eldar leader on a fancy stake. What a nice guy!

Marbo's exploits have gotten to the point where regular Guardsmen practically worship his holy Rambo-ness. Good ol' Sly has fought his way from one end of the galaxy to the other attached to various Catachan regiments, including the famed badasses, the Catachan II. Here Sly works alone: Straken only needs to give him the order and he will turn enemy leaders into lasagne, break the back of enemy advances, and blow the fuck out of enemy war machines. On Pardus, it is said that he destroyed a Tau armored convoy by booby-trapping an entire ravine, while on Sask's World he captured a command post single-handedly, slaying the alien leader and all of its tentacled bodyguards, using only his BARE HANDS and a RATION TIN! It is said that during the Octavius War Marbo hunted Lictors for sport. That aside, Marbo has a collection of medals that would rival a Warmaster, having been awarded the Star of Terra multiple times for his legendary exploits (The Star of Terra is the IG's Medal of Honour/Victoria Cross).

On the planet of Nordassa, Marbo destroyed a BANELORD FUCKING [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|TITAN]]. Nobody knows how, because the pussies at Segmentum Command decided to make the details of his mission highly classified, even on his own file. He probably wrecked it simply by pissing in its general direction.

During <s> Rambo II </s> the Third War for Armageddon, Sly fucking Marbo was sent out to get shit done against the Orks. Normally, entire warbands of elite Assassins and soldiers would venture into Armageddon’s wastelands. But everyone knew that Marbo don't need that shit, so they sent him out on his own.

At the start of <s>Rambo III</s> the 13th Black Crusade, Marbo began his own shadow war against the enemies of the Imperium. Marbo wrought so much havoc using well-placed headshots and improvised explosives that entire encampments full of [[Chaos Space Marines]] were found destroyed. The destruction was on such a scale that Imperial forces figured it could only have been caused by a force of loyalist [[Space Marines|Spehss Marines]], eventually finding out that it was Sly fucking Marbo, alone and [[Rip and tear|doing what he does best]].

If you consider ''[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]]'', then then there is a spinoff where [[Vulkan]] and [[Corvus Corax]], taking a vacation, learned from Colonel Straken and the Catachan II why Marbo was so powerful: He's actually a [[Living Saint]]. He was so fucking awesome alone that he achieved ''apotheosis'', however, unlike that of the kinds of [[Saint Celestine]], he rejected all the blatantly Christian parts of angel wings, halos and doves because they were too unmanly for his presence (but he won't judge any men that do, cause he is a bro like that, not holding anything inherent against anyone except [[Erebus]] but that goes without saying). Marbo and the Catachans abhor such fabulous pretentiousness, for they were born and made to survive in the worst, poorest and dirtiest of conditions, and adorning such elements of fabulous wealth is hypocrisy, betrayal against their native roots.

==Marbo in Game==

Marbo IS (HE'S BACK! and he's right behind you) an elite unit choice for the [[Imperial Guard]] rather than a HQ (as is the case with most special characters), which makes sense because he's an operative, not a commander. He used to cost the bitchin' low amount of 65 points (so the same as a 10-man squad of Guardsmen with a grenade launcher and power weapon). He's fully back (as in more than just in SW:A) as of 5/4/17 for 7th, and he's a lot damn better at only 25 points. In 5th edition, he used to have a demo charge to toss an S8 AP2 pie plate of death on a unit upon his arrival. That's how he would usually make his 65 points back. His new 25 point incarnation loses the demo charge and instead gains the ability to "booby trap" 3 pieces of terrain, making them dangerous terrain for enemy units for the duration of the game. His method of gaining his points back will not usually to hope that someone dies on the terrain or that he manages to kill a couple of models with his pistol or in CC.

Marbo, if you strike him into enemy lines, will inevitably die because your opponent will really want him dead due to the threat he poses against infantry. Marbo, however, IS the shit. His knife is 2+ poisoned, and his pistol is Strength X, AP3 with Sniper, and carries a melta bomb as standard, he's pretty good at assault and shooting (although his shooting attack is somewhat short-ranged, so you're better off charging the enemy lines) and will invariably wreck some expensive squad's day before he dies a glorious death, assuming he gets close, as of his new rules he has 5+ FNP, Stealth, Move Through Cover, Hit and Run and Fleet, and the special rules "He's Behind You", "Like a Shadow" and "Master of Ambush" allows him to charge out of cover to strike into the enemy lines, unleash SIX ATTACKS (4 standard, +1 on the charge, +1 for having two weapons) AT I5 onto whichever poor SOB is in his sights, then disengage and RETURN TO RESERVES to strike from the shadows once again. If he ever DOES die, reality will stop for a brief moment and The Emprah will be heard to shout "What's wrong? Sly? Sly? SLYYYYYYYY!" (what really happens is he pretends to be dead and then slips back into the jungle to strike at his foe at a later date...)

Then He'll lock Himself in His room and cry for three days and three nights.

==Marbo in Novel==
Marbo appeared in the novel Deathworld. In the novel, the main characters, though in a squad of 10, were already having trouble surviving the planet and its life. It was made impossible to fall asleep and wake up (because you'd already be dead!) without someone keeping watch over you. How the hell then did Sly Marbo do it? Nobody really knows, maybe it's because of the facts below. In fact, he is one of the most poorly developed characters in the entire 40k history; some speculate that he is on par with Boreale and Carron. And in the Codex the little that is mentioned of him makes him out to be even more of a badass; he is known to have been awarded multiple Stars of Terra (the highest military award in the Imperium), so many in fact that he stopped caring and needed someone else to hold them for him.

==Death, Return, Death, and Return of a Hero==
According to the new codex, he isn't listed anymore (rumored due to Ultramarine fans' bitching). Then again a lot of things are changing, so we might see his return in a small offshoot book or support text. Pray to your [[Chaos|gods]] for the return of Marbo. The Emperor protects.

PRAISE TEH EMPRAH! Marbo's model is now available for purchase [https://www.games-workshop.com/en-GB/Imperial-Guardsman-Marbo-2016 again] (for now) still no rules though... Sly doesn't need rules. Fielding him is an instant victory.

SLY IS REALLY BACK FOR GOOD! HE HAS [https://17890-presscdn-0-51-pagely.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/40k8_SW_Armageddon_Kill_teams_of_One_Characters.pdf RULES FOR BEING FIELDED] IN SHADOW WAR: ARMAGEDDON! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (With Ld 7 lol what a fucking pussy {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|Heresy!}} and he's fearless anyway, the ld value is just the standard there as filler) - [https://17890-presscdn-0-51-pagely.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/40k7_Marbo_Datasheet-1.pdf He´s also back for Full-Scale 40k now], with new rules that basically turn him into a light [[Eversor]]. New rules that will [[derp|only be valid for the next couple of months before 8th drops]] (and for 8e as GW said every character and unit that has rules will be getting an updated set, even if Sly's is just another PDF), but who cares, SLY IS BACK (and is probably right behind you). As it turns out, his new model is a conversion from Catachan sets.
And he's gone again so fuck this shit.

And now he's back again... for real this time. A White Dwarf page has leaked showing a shiny new (and not converted) Sly Marbo model to be released on December 23rd. His model has Snake Plissken's Gun, Arnold Schwarzenegger's biceps from '''Commando''', and he even comes with Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors on the base (he's still behind you). He's once again locked at 65 points, and is once again an HQ. He retains his deep strike capability but can no longer appear RIGHT BEHIND YOU (using the standard 9" deep strike deployment), instead forcing you to choose between a melta bomb of horror, a free snipe, or a free movement, letting him move in. Unfortunately, due to his comparatively low stats, other than the fact that he has up to 8 Attacks on 2s and 2s, only the bomb will be likely to do anything, but who cares HE'S BACK, PRAISE THE EMPRAH.

== Sly Marbo Facts ==
Now canon according to the Regimental Standard, although it insists they're all just exaggerated rumors because they're spoilsports. Warning: repeating these in front of a [[Commissar]] is punishable by being reassigned to Plasma Gunner duty.

*Sly Marbo threw a grenade and killed five Orks. Then it exploded.
*Sly Marbo poked the warp right in the Eye of Terror.
*A Catachan Devil once stung Sly Marbo. After 5 days of agonising pain, the Catachan Devil died.
*Flak armour wears Sly Marbo for protection.
*Sly Marbo doesn’t have a shadow because he scared it off.
*When Ambulls go to bed at night, they check their nests for Sly Marbo.
*The fastest way to a man’s heart is with Sly Marbo’s blade.
*Sly Marbo once shot down a Dakkajet by pointing at it with his finger and saying “bang!”.
*Sly Marbo doesn’t shower, he takes blood baths.
*Lord Castellan Creed wears Sly Marbo pyjamas.
*If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Sly Marbo.
*The official name for “Exterminatus” is Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo beat a Warlord Titan at arm wrestling.
*Sly Marbo hacked a Tyranid Prime to death with its own scything talon.
*Sly Marbo can run faster than a Shokkjump Dragster.
*Sly Marbo sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
*The Cicatrix Maledictum was created when Sly Marbo sneezed.
*The first name engraved in every suit of Custodes’ armour is Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo does not sleep. He waits…
*Sly Marbo does not go hunting because “hunting” implies the possibility of failure – Sly Marbo goes killing.
*Roboute Gulliman keeps an inspirational pict of Sly Marbo with him at all times.
*Sly Marbo won a staring contest with a Necron.
*The Bermuda Triangle disappeared when Sly Marbo went through it.
*Sly Marbo is not trapped in a [[Tomb World]] full of [[Necron|Necrons]], they are all trapped in there with him.
*Sly Marbo expected the Spanish Inquisition.
*Skarbrand does NOT hate Sly Marbo. He's terrified of him.
*The Emperor is actually just a temporary replacement for Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo got bored being the ruler of mankind and went off to kill things, leaving the Emperor in his place.
*Marc Lecointe is Sly Marbo in disguise.
*Sly Marbo is Marc Lecointe in disguise.
*When the biggest badasses in the multiverse meet up, Sly Marbo leads them into battle.
*The Emperor is actually alive and fully functioning, he's just too scared to move in case Sly Marbo remembers him and comes back for his old job.
* The Warhammer 40k universe isn't actually this grimdark. The Universe is just too scared of Sly Marbo to be noblebright.
*Sly Marbo pisses at things and they explode.
*Sly Marbo can also put out phosphex fires by pissing on them!
*Sly Marbo doesn't afraid of anything!
*Sly Marbo once took a job as a leading role in a theater, someone said break a leg. Sly Marbo was only too happy to oblige by breaking the legs of everyone in the theater. The play got 5 stars by the way.
*Sly Marbo has longer range than old Deathstrike Missiles.
*As of ettra 2017, Sly Marbo can now be launched from a [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]], and much like an [[Exterminatus]], he kills every unit on and off the table including reserves and the ones you didn't field today. And the players need to be hospitalized.
*Any time Sly Marbo makes laser noises such as "pew pew", any being on the other end of that pew pew will suffer wounds similar to that which a Lascannon could inflict.
*Sly Marbo can shoot lasers from his eyes, that's where the term "laser eye surgery" comes from because you're gonna need a doctor after he's done with you!
*Sly Marbo, doesn't just kill 2 birds with the one stone, he kills entire flocks with a stone.
*Sly Marbo doesn't add insult to injury, his insults are the injury.
*Sly Marbo once went to court over a parking ticket violation. He found everyone in the room guilty of wasting the court's time.
*Sly Marbo once played a game of Tetris, he beat the game with one move.
*Sly Marbo once crashed the stock market....There were no survivors.
*Sly Marbo beat the Emperor, Tzeench, and Kitten in Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker. At once. By accident.
*Sly Marbo invented walking softly and carrying a big gun. With a knife.
*Sly Marbo once shot down an enemy [[Heldrake]] by pointing his finger in the shape of a gun and saying "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" ("bang")
*Sly Marbo can beat a wall in a Tennis match.
*Sly Marbo can make a woman (or a man) climax by winking or nodding at her/him.
*Sly Marbo never smiles, but can produce pheromones that make you think he did.
*Sly Marbo can make planets explode by Frowning.
*Chaos space marines no longer have the 'And They Shall Know No Fear' special rule because they know that Sly Marbo is out to get them.
*Sly Marbo can impregnate a woman just by touching her with his dick, winking at her or nodding, and NOT get a paternity suit further down the line.
*Only [[Samus|Samus Aran]] and Wonder Woman have wombs strong enough to bear Sly Marbo's children. Nope, not Celestine, partly because Celestine is one of Marbo's kids that he doesn't want to talk about. <s>(But incest is wincest)</s> {{BLAM}}HERESY!!!
*Sly Marbo once got launched back to the year 1506 AD, January 22nd, and trained a group of people to be mercenaries. They were the Swiss Guard.
*The chairman claims that the Meta simply drowned after falling into the freezing waters. In reality the Meta died because he encountered Sly Marbo there when the latter was skinny-dipping.
*Sly Marbo is the only being in existence to have enough Dakka. With a knife.
*Sly Marbo was the first living being to discover DAKKA.
*Sly Marbo can hide from Creed.
*Sly Marbo CAN and WILL. End of discussion.
*Sly Marbo is [[Imperial Fists|fortifying this position.]]
*Sly Marbo killed JFK from behind the Grassy Knoll.
*Sly Marbo also killed JFK from the book depository.
*Sly Marbo did 9/11 whilst blindfolded.
*Sly Marbo can melt steel beams.
*Sly Marbo saved Adolf Hitler from drowning when he was a child in Austria, then killed him when crap hit the fan in 1944.
*Sly Marbo is [[recursion]].
*Sly Marbo is [[recursion]].
*Sly Marbo is [[recursion]].
*Sly Marbo challenged Sigmar to an arm wrestling match, but the dimension they were in folded in on itself due to the shear weight of epic before the match could end. The survivors said that he might even have been winning.
*Sly Marbo is Karl's only friend.
*Sly Marbo isn't [[Alpharius]] or [[Omegon]], Alpharius, Omegon and the whole of the rest of the [[Alpha Legion]] are Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo is the only person capable of actually killing Trazyn (Lord of Magpies) The Infinite.
*Sly Marbo is the oldest being in the universe as he killed everything else. So when he created the chaos gods they were so afraid of him they created their own dimension to flee from him. They think they are safe from Sly Marbo but the truth is they are not.
*The Old Ones created the Orks in an attempt to kill Marbo. This is why the Old Ones are extinct.
*Once the Emperor and Sly high fived. The shockwave cut the galaxy in half, greeting The Great Rift.
*Sly Marbo beat Gork and Mork at the same time in an arm wrestling match. They both got to use two arms.
*Sly Marbo is not actually silent, but is actually screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA". The only reason why people cannot hear him is because only the most badass people to exist can hear it, which is why the emprah has a single continuous headache on the golden throne.
*Sly Marbo never stops screaming because it is a victory scream and Sly Marbo has already won.
*Sly Marbo is never added to an army. Army lists are added to Sly Marbo. Watch here for the reversed demonstration: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYfCb8D1JVo]
*[[Exterminatus]] destroys planets. Sly Marbo destroys <s> segmenta </s> galaxies.
*Sly Marbo can and will single-handedly destroy the Tyranids. By '''looking''' at them.
*Sly Marbo eats Carnifexes for breakfast, alive, with or without the aid of sauce.
*Sly Marbo models assemble and paint themselves.
*Sly Marbo can out AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA an [[Ork]] WAAAGH! and a [[Space Wolves]] RAAAAAAAAAARGH!
*Sly Marbo does not sleep, he waits.
*Sly Marbo slayed all the Dark Eldar by himself and yelled out his mighty AAAAAAAAAAAAAA to free all of the captives from their cages. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y]
*Sly Marbo goes to war waitwalking.
*Even I, [[Cato Sicarius]] admit Marbo is better than [[TTS|I, Cato Sicarius.]]
*No matter the conditions Sly Marbo smells like victory.
*Sly Marbo can stay so still that not even his atoms vibrate.
*Sly Marbo taught Drax how to do the above.
*Sly Marbo is the reason the Void Dragon is hiding.
*There is one Sly Marbo in every universe, they regularly meet up and play uno (no one Sly Marbo has yet to out do the other).
*Sly Marbo scares the living shit out of all the Ordo Malleus, Ordo Hereticus, and Ordo Xenos put together.
*Sly Marbo passes any characteristic test he is required to take including Toughness, Leadership, STD, Genetic, Initiative, and Paternity.
*[[Abaddon]] stole the planet killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside.
following this, he jumped out of the box, and ripped off abaddons arms, and that's why all the abaddon models have crappy arms
*In Dawn of War 2: Retribution, Tyranid ending, the swarm strips all life from subsector Aurelia. Well, 99.999% of it; Marbo is still there.
*Sly Marbo's mini was once used in Dungeons and Dragons. The mini killed every monster in the manual, before killing the Dungeon master and all players present.
*In the movement phase, Sly Marbo remains stationary and moves the gaming table 6" in any direction.
*Lightsabers are powered by Marbo's toenail clippings.
*Sly Marbo once fought Nurgle and changed him into a flower.
*When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo.
*They developed a new branch of the Inquisition specifically for Marbo - Ordo Marbicus.
*Sly Marbo killed Batman's parents.
*Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy [[Leman Russ]] is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
*The [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] isn't on the Golden Throne, he just left a dummy there to keep Marbo off his trail. Marbo's not fooled.
*The Grim Reaper doesn't come for Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo comes for the Grim Reaper.
*Sly Marbo has two speeds, Stalk and Exterminatus.
*sly Marbo doesn't need no stinkin; key-card.
*Sly Marbo made Slaanesh his bitch. TWICE.
**It is rumored that Slaanesh suffered permanent nerve damage and can no longer climax unless Sly Marbo Winks at Him/Her/It.
*Sly Margo passed a paternity test for Khorne.
*Sly Marbo is on Nurgle's list for two reasons; Sly Marbo repels all dirt and germs and Sly Marbo seduced Isha. ALSO TWICE. FOR BOTH THINGS.
*Sly Marbo bitchslapped Horus. Horus apologized.
*If Marbo's demo charge scatters back on him, he kicks the template back so that it lands on the enemy general.
*Sly isn't the missing [[Primarch]]. He is the entire Missing Legion!
*Sly Marbo really loves kittens and puppies. He thinks they're best served rare.
*Sly Marbo never washes. Dirt is too afraid to touch him.
*Sly Marbo ALWAYS eats soup with a fork.
**If he can't find a fork, a chainsword will do.
*Sly Marbo is Toughness D.
*Sly Marbo eats Tyranid Rippers for breakfast, lunch, and tea. Without sauce.
*When MC Hammer is around, it's Hammertime. When Marbo is around, you know poor MC will never be back.
*Sly Marbo!...IS RIGHT HEEERREEE!
* Jesus can walk on water. Marbo can swim through solid rock.
* Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo gets discounts from Games Workshop.
* Sly Marbo gets discounts from Forge World.
* Sly Marbo's paints [[THIN YOUR PAINTS|thin themselves.]]
* Sly Marbo's finecast models won't break or bend even if thrown and stomped on.
* Sly Marbo looks good in parachute pants.
* Sly Marbo once challenged the [[Eye Of Terror]] to a staring contest, he won.
* Medusa turned to stone when she made eye contact with Sly Marbo.
* Just as The [[Emperor]] was about to finish off [[Horus]] Sly Marbo swung in and killed the whiny rebellious [[Primarch]] before Emps could, all the while yelling [[Troll|"KILLSTOLEN BITCH!"]] The Emperor was too busy dying to protest.
* Sly Marbo can touch this.
* Sly Marbo watches the Watchmen.
* The Death Star's turbolaser is powered by Sly Marbo's pubic hair. He only gave some to the Empire because Alderaan was lowering his property values.
* Sly Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
* Sly Marbo made [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]'s spare camo cloak out of fibers from his own chest hair.
* Sly Marbo doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
* Sly Marbo has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a little jar next to his bed. Don't worry; it was an ''evil'' child that had killed its parents.
* Sly Marbo stole my heart. I think he ate it.
* Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a pillow under his gun.
* Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
* Sly Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp.
* It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back The Emperor. Sadly, Marbo never cries and never will.
* Sly Marbo does not sweat from his eyes. Nothing escapes those soulless pits.
* Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fire his weapon, it's just that the ammo inside his gun is scared and fires itself.
* Krieg was never purged by the Death Korps. Marbo just ate too many beans.
* Seal team six is code for "Sly Marbo", now you can be sure Bin Laden is dead.
* The [[Tyranid]]s actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Mr. Popo. What they don't realize, however, is that Popo, in a classic pincer maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
* The [[C'tan|Nightbringer]] doesn't go outside at night because he's worried that Sly Marbo is waiting for him. He is.
* A Venomthrope bit Sly Marbo once. After 2 weeks of excruciating pain and agony, the Venomthrope died.
* Sly Marbo isn't addicted to lho sticks, lho sticks are addicted to Sly Marbo.
* Most Vindicare Assassins want to grow up to be just like Sly Marbo, most however grow up to be killed by him.
* [[Cypher]] keeps running to escape Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo is aware of that and waits for the perfect time to strike.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo punched a star with his bare fist.
* Sly Marbo conquered the whole Ultima Segmentum <s>once</s> <s>twice</s> four times.
* Sly Marbo let the dogs out.
* Sly Marbo beat [[Marneus Calgar|Papa smurf]] in arm wrestling using his little finger.
* Sly Marbo would kill the [[Marines Malevolent]] by clicking his fingers if he found out what they where really like.
* Even the [[Angry Marines]] are scared of Marbo. Even their chapter master: Temperus Maximum, can't curse or even look at him with the slightest bit of anger.
* A [[Bloodthirster]] once challenged Sly Marbo. The experience was so traumatizing that it has refused to manifest into realspace since he fears being in the same plane of existence as Marbo. Little does it realise Marbo can enter the warp at any time.
* [[Konrad Curze]] wasn't killed by a Callidus Assassin, Marbo just dropped by and kicked him in the happy sack so hard that he hasn't gotten up to this day. The Imperium just used the Assassin as a cover story to make it look like the Assassinorum still has its uses.
* [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I mindfucked an Eldar Farseer with my non-psychic mind" Straken]], and Sly Marbo regularly get together for poker night in a secret dimension which only pure essences of awesome may visit. [[Creed]] doesn't get invited because nobody likes it when a stack of ordinary poker chips turns out to be a squadron of [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Leman Russ Demolishers]], just lying in wait.
* Sly Marbo can beat a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers with a High Card 7
* When Marbo fails his armor or invulnerable save, the one who caused it gets the wound.
* Sly Marbo stared into [[Slaanesh]] him/her/itself, Slaanesh later lost his/her/it's soul to Marbo.
* Sly Marbo took a stroll through the Gardens of [[Nurgle]], it was left sterilized and lemony fresh.
* Sly Marbo gave [[Nurgle]] the clap.
* Sly Marbo got into [[Tzeentch]]'s forbidden library, blindfolded, in just 5 seconds. And only because he gave the library a 4.9 second head start.
* [[Khorne]] didn't cause the endless chasm in his brass citadel out of rage, Marbo just put his foot down in front of Khorne's throne.
* Sly Marbo once gave a riddle to the [[C'tan|Deceiver]], which the Deceiver still haven't solved.
* [[Khaine|Khaela Mensha Khaine]] only shattered into a bajillion pieces after Marbo punched him in the gut.
* [[Horus]] is said to have killed [[Sanguinius]] because the Angel was tired from battle. That battle was losing an arm wrestling match with Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo could heal [[Roboute Guilliman]] and [[Lion El'Jonson]]. Experience has just taught him they won't be awesome enough to receive it.
*The Winter Soldier is one of the most powerful assasins in the Marvel universe. Sly Marbo taught the Winter Soldier in 30 minutes.
*[[Lorgar]] is said to be on Sicarius communing with the [[Chaos Gods]]. He's really just trying to hide from Sly Marbo.
*[[Logan Grimnar]] once challenged Sly Marbo to a drinking contest. The Great Wolf fell into a coma trying to beat Marbo. As punishment, Logan must now ride a pretty little sleigh dragged by wolves.
*[[Dante]]'s Death Mask curses anyone who looks at him. He's terrified of what will happen if he looks at Sly Marbo while wearing it.
*[[Eldrad]] takes everything into account when making a plan. Sly Marbo is the one unpredictable factor.
*Sly marbo can out dick [[Eldrad]]
*Sly Marbo once banished an entire daemonic horde by giving it a mean look.
*Marbo once dueled an [[Eversor]] assassin in close combat, he managed to literally rip the assassin in half with his bare hands and end the fight in just 10 seconds flat.
** The first 9 seconds was the Eversor assassin working up the courage to attack and running towards him.
*Whenever Marbo spits at someone, his spit turns into a plasma bolt. Whenever he fails his "Gets Hot" roll, the one he spat at explodes. (Note: Sly Marbo never fails any rolls unless he chooses to do so.)
*Sly Marbo pisses melta fire.
*Marbo can be an Ultramarine, but hates them anyway, so he doesn't care.
*The [[Administratum]] once attempted to impose a higher tithe on Catachan. Sly Marbo was sent, and now Catachan is now adeptus non. They still send troops for fun anyway.
*A Miral land shark once tried to ambush Marbo like Straken, the land shark's teeth shattered the second it bit Marbo.
*Sly Marbo makes Khorne Berzerkers take morale checks.....twice
*Marbo once defeated Tzeentch in a chess game..... with just 3 moves.
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] is actually Marbo in disguise, he just assumes this form to troll fa/tg/uys for fun.
*Marbo once killed a Hierophant bio-titan by bitch-slapping it in the face, he then killed the entire brood of Tyranids following it by ripping-off one of the dead Hierophant's scything talons and using it as a weapon.
*[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] is said to have left the Third War for Armageddon because he got bored. He really left because he learned Sly Marbo was coming.
*Sly Marbo once cut himself to see what all the fuss was about. The resulting blood formed into [[Ollanius Pius]].
*Sly Marbo's sweat is what poison lines his weapon.
*Orks wear Gork and Mork pajamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pajamas.
*Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
*A Daemon Prince once saved a Cadian regiment from Necrons; the Guardsmen were baffled until they realized the daemon had been possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo can kick [[Sisters of Battle|a Bolter Bitch]] in the balls.
*The [[Crimson Fists]] got their name after Sly Marbo played bloody knuckles with [[Pedro Kantor]].
*Sly Marbo once took Moondrakken for a joyride. He brought it back with all the radio presets changed and the seat readjusted. Kor'sarro Khan didn't dare complain.
*The [[Salamanders]] hold that [[Vulkan]] will return when they collect all nine of his sacred artifacts. So far they've recovered five. Sly Marbo has not seen fit to return the other four.
*Marbo once ate a [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]. He thought it was bland.
*Sly Marbo once broke the battlements of Medrengard in an hour.
*Sly Marbo was once on a planet subjected to virus bombing. Sly Marbo's immune system killed the viruses before they infected him. And then his immune system killed everyone else on the planet.
*Sly Marbo taught tactics to - wait, what's that Titan doing there?
[[Creed|"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED"]]
*Sly Marbo can strangle you with a cordless Vox.
*Sly Marbo has constipation issues, because he knows his feces could be used to track him in the field.
*[[Indrick Boreale]] once spoke Sly Marbo's name and the sheer awesomeness fixed his speech impediment.
*A greater Daemon once possessed Sly Marbo… No one knows what happened to it.
*Sly Marbo doesn't need meltabombs. He just pisses on a tank and it explodes.
*The Necrons went into stasis because Marbo was killing everything else.
*Any time a Farseer says "Just as planned", Marbo will be standing behind them with murder in his eyes.
*Sly Marbo's favorite sandwich is a Catachan Barking Toad between two meltabombs.
*Sly Marbo is the stig.
*Sly Marbo is the senate.
*Sly Marbo once traveled back in time and killed the Arch-Heretic Matt Ward before he worked at GW. He only brought him back to life after he decided life without him would be boring.
*Sly Marbo tried to fix Age of Sigmar. Even Sly Marbo has his limits.
*Sly Marbo's glare is treated as a Plasma Blastgun with the rate of fire of a Punisher Gatling Cannon.
*Kharn The Betrayer once fought Marbo. Kharn was found embedded in the hull of an orbiting starship. He took the defeat pretty well.
*Plasma weapons use a synthetic form of Marbo's testosterone. In its natural state it is white-hot and obliterates everything it touches.
*Sly Marbo once had intestinal parasites. Once he shat them out they became known as Catachan Devils.
*Marbo once allowed a Guard player to use his mini, the Necron player he fought wasn't allowed to take Reanimation Protocol rolls, the Tau player he fought got into melee and the Daemon player he fought tried and failed to dance An'ggrath around the map out of Marbo's reach.
*Slaanesh needs to masturbate every time Sly Marbo kills a [[Carnifex]]. Chaos Realm suffers chronic floodings.
*Sly Marbo stole the Blood Ravens' home planet.
*Sly Marbo's Internet seems slow. That's just because he's faster than it.
*Sly Marbo gives out a special rule... Feel MORE Pain.
*The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard, Sly Marbo was already there. And he brought a better milkshake.
*Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
*If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
*You are only alive because Sly Marbo is too busy to kill you.
*Sly Marbo can drown a fish.
*Sly Marbo simply walks into Mordor.
*A Lictor once tried to ambush Sly Marbo while he was waiting; it did not expect Marbo to ambush it while ambushing him.
*Marbo can seduce Slaaneshi [[Daemonettes]] at will. After they do the dirty, Sly doesn't have to kill them because they're already dead from ecstasy (and not the drug).
*After Sly Marbo killed a Tyranid swarm out of boredom, the Swarmlord was deployed to kill Marbo. After six months of trying (and dying), the Swarmlord finally gave up and stopped reincarnating.
*Sly Marbo’s testicles are of such might they ignore armor saves in close combat.
* The only reason Sly Marbo isn't a primarch is because it would be a demotion. The same with being a Daemon Prince.
* Khorne used to have a gold pedestal just for Marbo's skull. He has since melted it down and sold it at a Cash-4-Gold shop.
* When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. When Sly Marbo stares into the abyss, the abyss averts its gaze to the left.
* Sly Marbo bowls overhand.
* When Sly Marbo has to stitch up a deep gash, he doesn't use a needle and thread, he uses a tent spike and bailing wire and those only work with the strength of Marbo himself behind them.
* Trayzn's 'hood' is a neck brace. Marbo effortlessly sniffed out the real Trazyn and ripped his spine out. Trayzn still hasn't gotten it back.
* Sly Marbo once snuck up on [[Lucius]] the Eternal and slit his throat from behind. Lucius was unable to possess him, as Sly Marbo's thirst for killing can never be satisfied.
* Sly Marbo once got into a theological debate with [[Erebus]], and pointed out thirty-nine logical fallacies in the Book of Lorgar, which Erebus was unable to explain.
* SLY MARBO OWNS THE ONLY COPY OF WARHAMMER FANTASY NINTH EDITION. HE'S GOT A SILVER GOLDEN DEMON TROPHY FOR HIS CLANRATS.
* The Big Bang was Sly Marbo snapping his fingers.
* [[Darnath Lysander]] once struck Sly Marbo with the "Hammer of Dorn". Not only did the Hammer break on impact with Marbo, but so did Lysander's storm shield, Terminator armor, and pride.
* Sly Marbo once hugged [[Typhus]]. Not only did he remain clean of disease, but his sweat infected the Destroyer Plague in Typhus's body.
* The Adeptus Mechanicus once dug deep underground in an attempt to find a [[Necron]] tomb. They found Sly Marbo instead, ruining his power <s>nap</s> wait. By the end of the day the entire ''star system'' was devoid of all life.
* The reason Malal/Malice is no longer mentioned in Canon is because he ran afoul of Sly Marbo.
* The Outsider would come back to our galaxy if Sly Marbo wasn't waiting for him.
* When the Space Marines are in trouble, the Legion of the Damned come to their rescue. When the Legion of the Damned are in trouble, Sly Marbo come to their rescue.
* Contrary to popular belief, Doombreed is not camera shy, it’s just that he foolishly thinks Sly Marbo doesn't know what he looks like.
* Sly Marbo won a staring contest with Mephiston.
* Nemesis [[Dreadknights]] are believed to be ancient pieces of xenos tech; they're actually Sly Marbo's childhood toys.
*Marbo once broke an Eldar soulstone but Slaanesh got nothing because he grabbed the soul first. He's still got it on him.
*Contrary to popular belief, it is unknown if Sly Marbo is bulletproof. Whenever someone fires at him, the bullet/bolt/plasma/las/shuriken stops twenty centimeters from Marbo, turns 180 degrees, and hits the person who fired the shot.
*Sly Marbo controls all of [[Games Workshop]]'s prices. He's just waiting for the right time to lower them.
*Being headbutted by Ghazghkull is like being struck by a mag-train, being poked by Sly Marbo is like being smacked by an Imperator class titan.
*The Adeptus Mechanicus is looking for the STCs. Marbo has most of them in a flash drive that the AdMech knows about but doesn't dare lay claim to it.
*Sly Marbo is the one person [[Alpharius|Alpharius]] never confuses.
*He knows where all the Tomb Worlds are. This is because he destroyed most of them.
*Sly Marbo takes on [[Genestealers]] in close combat for fun.
*Sly Marbo uses his Uplifting Primer as toilet paper. No commissar would dare execute him for this.
*The [[Dark Eldar]] didn't know what pain was until they met Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo Deep Strikes, everything else has to roll scatter die, including the terrain itself.
*A Tau Ethereal can order entire Cadres to commit mass suicide. Marbo can make entire Tau planets kill themselves by looking at them funny.
*Sly Marbo once took on two Stompas in a no DQ one-on-tag handicap match with one arm tied behind his back. Records are scarce, but according to eyewitness reports he German suplexed them both for three hours straight before getting bored and wandering off to find a Mega Gargant to fight.
*The Kroot once conspired a plan to eat Sly Marbo and use his DNA to create perfect Kroot warriors. Marbo fried them in batter and sprinkled them with eleven herbs and spices, never revealing what the eleventh one was (but the first ten herbs and spices were all steak).
*Sly Marbo doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the planet down.
*What colour is Sly Marbo's blood? Trick question - nobody has ever seen Sly Marbo bleed.
*Sly Marbo never takes his Feel No Pain roll. He doesn't understand what this "pain" issue is everyone else is struggling with.
*Sly Marbo is the original owner of Blood Reaver, [[Flesh Tearers|Gabriel Seth's]] chainsword. Sly Marbo used it as a toothbrush, but it wasn't powerful enough so he let Seth borrow it.
*Sly Marbo stuffed his mattress with those [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs|100 missing]] [[Baneblade|Baneblades]]. It's still too soft for him.
*Sly Marbo doesn't kill everything in the galaxy because it's funny watching them try to kill him.
*Sly Marbo can fold suns in half.
*Sly Marbo once entered a Dark Angels rap battle. All who witnessed his mad skills on the mic perished. The only reason his opponent survived is because he ran as soon as he heard Sly Marbo's first breath into the mic. Smart man.
*Dark Eldar aren't hiding from Slaanesh in the webway, they're hiding from Sly Marbo.
*Marbo never dies, he just wants to be a good sport and let them win.
*Marbo once challenged [[Castor|Lord General Castor]] to a duel to see which could slay a Carnifex first. Marbo lost, but only because he spent the last few seconds of his kill's life taunting it.
*Sly Marbo is the Angry Marines primarch.
*Sly Marbo once bro-fisted a Imperator Titan. All that remains of said titan was the hellstorm cannon on Kronus.
*Khorne spills blood for Sly Marbo.
*Every Sister of Battle is crazy with lust for Marbo. He doesn't take advantage of that because he's a gentleman and it would distract them from their job.
*Sly Marbo can "out-CREEEEEED!" Creed; Marbo lets Creed do it when he can't be bothered to himself.
*The Hive Mind of the Tyranids drives people insane because IT is insane too. Said insanity came about when Marbo let it psychically touch his mind.
*Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one. (And I can too... OH SHIT! FTHWREGWARBLBLBLBL...)
*Sly Marbo is Roboute Guilliman's [[Spiritual Liege]].
*Sly Marbo is America and so can you.
*Sly Marbo doesn't seize the initiative, the initiative is given to him.
*Sly Marbo's punches ignore Invulnerable Saves.
*Sly Marbo powers the Morphin' Grid.
*Sly Marbo is the reason [[Matthew Ward]] quit working at Games Workshop. Now that he's gone, Marbo's planning on tormenting that [[Robin Cruddace]] prick next...
*Sly Marbo let Matt Ward go back to Games Workshop in exchange for getting rules in Shadow War: Armageddon.
*The only way to banish Sly Marbo is to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. And even then you can't be sure.
*He got his own squad after what happened last night.
*Sly Marbo is the one who killed Zordon! Andros was a cover story.
*Sly Marbo stalks Slenderman.
*Supernovae don't exist, it is just Sly Marbo's farts.
* The Celestial Orrery is actually one of Sly Marbo's kidney stones.
* Sly Marbo was once shot by a Nova Cannon before, after the devastating explosion, the Nova Cannon as well as the entire Imperial Navy in the sector died.
* A prophecy was announced recently in the Imperium, if Sly Marbo, [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "My bionic fists can bitch-slap Titans for Tuesday" Straken]], [[Creed]], [[Commissar Ciaphas Cain]], [[Commissar Holt]], [[Commissar Fucklaw]], [[Commissar Yarrick]], [[Sturnn|General Sturnn]], [[Merrick]], [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Castor|Lord General Castor]], [[Lord Solar Macharius]] and [[Ollanius Pius]] ever teamed up, they would destroy all four Chaos Gods, shatter reality and break open the fourth-wall while punching you in the face as an extra measure (You will be honored if you WERE punched in the face by these guys, admit it, you know it will be true).
* Sly Marbo is secretly the Six Samurai.
* Sly Marbo once pissed into the oil tank of a truck, that truck was then used as inspiration to make the baneblade.
* Sly Marbo beat Slaanesh and Doomrider in a cocaine and orgy competition while <s>sleeping</s> waiting.
* Sly Marbo once built a robot. That robot is known as the Void Dragon.
* Sly Marbo once banished Skarbrand back to the Warp.
* Sly Marbo is actually THE <s> Dragonborn </s>.
* Sly Marbo is not the Dragonborn, he was just thirsty, and human blood was getting plain.
* Sly Marbo does not have a soul, he ate it out of boredom. Even if he had one, he still wouldn't feel anything.
* Sly Marbo turned my Battle Brother into [[Chaos Spawn| the creature that shall not be named.]]
* Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one, though whoever hears him say it will become on-WAIT NOOOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGARGKAOPKAERO
* Sly Marbo occasionally indulges himself in a grilled cheese after he is done bitch-slapping Rowboat Jellyfan with his ceramite balls.
* Sly Marbo once almost made a Chuck Norris joke, but then didn't because Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny.
* When Sly Marbo builds models, he is really building the Mechanicus' Imperator Titans.
* Sly Marbo actually shits out Demolisher Shells.
* Sly Marbo broke into the Black Library, told Cegorach how to actually be funny, and then punched Ahriman in the face.
* Sly Marbo has turned many an Ultramarine into a heretic. His manly jawline, well defined biceps, and thousand yard stare seem to have found a trait not previously noted from their geneseed. That is, to put it simply: Sly Marbo turns Ultramarines gay.
* While anyone else chews tobacco, Sly Marbo chews glass.
* Sly Marbo is deadly to vampires, werewolves, zombies and any other undead. And regular dead. And not dead.
* Sly Marbo won the game. (Goddamn it, I lost the game)
* [[Gabriel Seth]] was in a brawl with Marbo, when Emperor knows how, he found an opening in his guard and tried to kick him in the balls. Not only did he break a leg in an attempt, Marbo was so pissed off that most of the Flesh Tearers are now overcome with black rage .
* Sly Marbo once stopped a [[Black Crusade]] by tricking the Chaos Lord leading it into saying "You and what Hulk?" Said Chaos Lord and his warband were then crushed by a [[Space Hulk]] thrown at them by the Incredible Hulk (who was really sly marbo wearing green paint).
* Lukas the Trickster slept with a dozen women in a single night. For Sly Marbo, that's a dry spell.
* Sly Marbo once went to the Crucibael in Commorragh during a major performance by the Cult of Strife and Lelith Hesperax herself. Every trap in the arena broke upon impact with Marbo. Every attack creature died from a single punch from Marbo. Every male Wych was too scared to fight him. Every female Wych stopped fighting and offered themselves to him sexually, but by that point Sly Marbo was bored and walked out of the arena and no one could stop him. Vect let it slide because he got to glut on the pain Marbo inflicted and he knew Marbo couldn't be stopped. Lelith on the other hand swore to hunt Marbo down; before he left, Marbo patted Lelith on the butt and gave her a series of orgasms more pleasurable than any pain high, and she's been chasing him ever since for more.
* Sly Marbo can emerge from a Mandrake's shadow or the brightest light.
* The Emprah's stats are all E. Sly Marbo's stats are all E^E.
* Sly Marbo once visited the Warhammer World a long time ago; this event is known to us as the coming of the Old Ones.
* Sly Marbo is never cut from a Codex - he just chooses to go back into the shadows to stalk you.
* It's said that Bjorn the Fell-Handed is the oldest Space Marine. Marbo was his babysitter.
* Trazyn has to change his collection every century or so because Marbo keeps asking for his toys back.
* Sly Marbo knows EXACTLY where Carmen Sandiego is. He hid the body.
* Sly Marbo knows where you're not; safe.
* The Emperor kneels before no man. But then again, calling Marbo a man is hardly fair.
* The Primarchs were just Marbo playing fancy dresses.
* The Primarchs weren't stolen by chaos, they were running from their grandfather - Sly Marbo.
* Rumor has it that the reason Sly Marbo isn't in the AM Codex is because he'll get his own multi-part E-Codex just to describe his countless acts of MANLINESS. He will also count as his own army.
* Sly Marbo once had an arm wrestling match with [[Abbadon]], with the loser's arms as the bet. [[Failbaddon|You know how it ended]].
* Sly Marbo's section was removed from the codex in a vain attempt by Games Workshop to delay his wrath for their many sins against the Guard. They have failed.
* Sly Marbo ate Schrodinger's Cat, while it was both dead and alive.
* Sly Marbo sheds his skin every month. He hands the skin over to the Adeptus Mechanicus, who then use it to reinforce suits of Tartaros-pattern [[Terminator]] armour. It is assumed that most of these are in the possession of the [[Minotaurs]].
*Sky Marbo destroyed all the dolphins.
* Sly Marbo killed the dinosaurs when one stole and ate his lunch, but not before saving a clutch of T-rex eggs.
* Sly Marbo has never killed a man. He just beats them so bad they are turned to little girls before they die.
* Sly Marbo is the name of [[Doctor Who|the Doctor]]. The Daleks' racism is to mask their insecurity that they'll never be as good as Marbo.
* The spaceballs brake for nobody. Except Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo was the one who built a text to speech device for the Emperor.
* Marbo once banged a Dominatrix and the product was the Swarmlord.
* Sly Marbo can release Half Life 3. He just chooses not to.
* Sly Marbo beat Doomrider in a crack-snorting contest.
* Sly Marbo can out-transform Optimus Prime.
* Sly Marbo talks about Fight Club.
* Sly Marbo also talks about Popo's training.
* Sly Marbo has a pet Carnifex called Cuddles, although most know him as Old One Eye.
* [[Kaldor Draigo]] isn't trapped in the warp. He's hiding from Marbo.
* Black holes are created every time Sly Marbo rips his way into our universe and the universe is too scared to seal the breaches.
* Sly Marbo can outsmart bullets.
* Sly Marbo's eyes made flamethrowers obsolete.
* Jesus Christ saves souls. Sly Marbo saves everything else.
* Sly Marbo can slam a revolving door.
* Death had a near-Sly Marbo experience.
* Sly Marbo will never get a heart attack. His heart isn't stupid enough to attack him.
* There is no Theory of Evolution. Just a list of animals Sly Marbo allows to live.
* Sly Marbo flashed before Life's eyes.
* Sly Marbo doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.
* Sly Marbo's favorite color is blood.
* Sly Marbo can smack air.
* Sly Marbo can cut apart the sky.
* Sly Marbo can eat water.
* Sly Marbo solved Imotekh's favorite Tessaract Labyrinth with an abacus.
* Sly Marbo shot a man with a knife.
* Sly Marbo can divide by zero.
* Sly Marbo protects his air bags in car accidents.
* One of Sly Marbo's discarded fingernails fell into the real world from the Warp. It reformatted into Audie Murphy.
* Commander [[Farsight]] found one of Sly's discarded dinner knifes on a planet that he had a picnic on. Said knife was the Dawn Blade, and the previously verdant and inhabited world became a dead world after what Sly did after lunch.
* Sly Marbo knows how Gordon Freeman and Chell sound like.
* Sly Marbo once ran a 0-second mile. Than did it again, just to piss off physics.
* All the skulls in Khorne's realm actually belong to Sly Marbo. Khorne just minds them for him.
* The reason the Eldar Phoenix Lords are immortal is truly because Sly Marbo finds them tolerable enough to keep alive; whenever one dies he performs CPR, as CPR from Sly Marbo can raise the dead.
* A Commissar tried to execute Sly Marbo. The bolter round was so scared it backfired and shot the Commissar in the head.
* Sly Marbo uses a live <s>Genestealer</s> Broodlord as a backscratcher.
* Sly Marbo can believe it's not butter.
* Sly Marbo shaves by punching himself in the face as they only thing that can cut Sly Marbo is Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo is the true king of Westeros.
* Sly Marbo trained Discord and Q out of boredom.
* Sly Marbo drinks distilled Warp.
* Sly Marbo once saw his life flash before his eyes, it was accredited as film of the millenium.
* People say Sly Marbo defies physics, but really physics just obey Sly Marbo.
* Chaos once fell to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo taught [[Simo Hayha]] how to snipe. It turns out one of the Emperor's early titles was "White Death."
* They say that there are only two ways to get the entire [[Deathwing]] company into a Mini Cooper, one is by telling them that [[Cypher]] is in the glovebox. Sly Marbo is the other one.
* Sly Marbo is behind you right now, even if you're against a wall.
* Sly Marbo once went back in time, during which, a hair fell off his chest. That hair grew up to be Teddy Roosevelt.
* Sly Marbo doesn't die from bullets, mainly because they are all scared shitless.
* The only time a lasgun is useful is when Sly Marbo uses it.
* Soaking a lasgun's power pack in Sly Marbo's sweat will give it Exterminatus-level power.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fail his Morale checks. He gets bored and wanders off. No one is brave/stupid enough to stop him.
* Sly Marbo never dies. He <s>falls asleep</s> waits in combat and no one dares to acknowledge his body.
* Sly Marbo had sex before his father.
* The Fallen Angels are hiding from Sly Marbo.
* No Plasma weapon dares to overheat in Sly Marbo's hands.
* Sly Marbo is the one who put Lord Tirek in Tartarus, then broke him out years later.
* Sly Marbo is the Mighty Morphin White Ranger.
* Sly Marbo once ate a bowl of Milk without any milk.
* Sly Marbo has banged Lelith Hesperax. The reason Lelith rarely talks is because she has laryngitis from all the screaming in ecstasy she did throughout the experience.
* Unicron fears Marbo, for he is the matrix.
* In America, Sly Marbo kills You. In Soviet Russia, Sly Marbo still kills You.
* Sly Marbo can '''''SHOOT WHILE MOVING!!'''''.
* Sly Marbo's name is a killing sound.
* There is an urban legend in the Guard that if you say Sly Marbo's name three times in front of a mirror, Sly Marbo will appear and slit your reflection's throat. This has never been confirmed, as nobody has ever survived saying Sly Marbo's name twice.
* The Emperor was created in 8000 BC when hundreds of shaman were packed into a Volkswagen by Sly Marbo.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo tried to break his previous packing-people-into-a-Volkswagen record, this time using Eldar.
* The Astral Knights only managed to penetrate the World Engine's void shields because Sly Marbo gave them a push.
* Sly Marbo once gave the Blood Ravens a gift, but only because watching them fail to steal it from him stopped being funny.
* When Sly Marbo heard about Daemonic possession, he decided that it sounded like a challenge and went to the Eye of Terror to experience it first hand. However, he got bored after all the Daemons he forced himself into exploded before he could make them do stuff.
* Sly Marbo is a psyker so powerful, the Greeks had to invent a new alphabet to classify him.
* Sly Marbo taught Macgyver everything he knows, except how to kill. That knowledge was never meant for mortal men.
* Dark Matter is incredibly difficult to detect because it has been hiding from Sly Marbo ever since he caused the Big Bang.
* The Big Crunch will never happen, because the Universe is desperately trying to run from Sly Marbo, thus exceeding the escape velocity.
* Sly Marbo has the only complete map of the Webway tattooed on his penis.
* Ships carrying Sly Marbo through the Warp only turn their Gellar fields on to protect the Warp from him, it doesn't help at all.
* Sly Marbo can play Ride of the Valkyries on bagpipes without bagpipes.
* Sly Marbo caught them all. Twice.
* Sly Marbo finished the Neverending Story.
* When Sly Marbo played Chaos Rising, there was no traitor.
* Sly Marbo can never have the Monster Hunter rule. They're too easy.
* Sly Marbo CAN assault a zooming flier with his bare hands.
* Demons disappear when Sly Marbo's around. He's not a Blank or anything, they just shit themselves when they realize he's there.
* A dying Necron Lord once told Marbo he'd be back. Marbo said No. He stayed dead.
* You never roll reserve for Sly Marbo. He shows up whenever he feels like it.
* Asurmen taught Karandras how to fight. Sly Marbo taught him how to be sneaky. Living in perpetual fear for your life will do that.
* Jain Zar originally called her aspect the Banshees. One night with Sly Marbo and she just couldn't stop Howling though.
* Fuegan was inspired to create the Fire Dragons after Sly Marbo let him light his cigar.
* Sly Marbo outplayed an entire Noise Marine warband using only an air guitar. He then opened a Webway portal and left by playing Stairway to Heaven.
* Sly Marbo wondered what it would be like if everyone lived in medieval times. So he used some of the Old One's left over stuff and made Warhammer Fantasy.
* A Lord of Change once tried to make Sly Marbo less awesome. Tzeentch caught wind of this and killed him. There are some things that can never change.
* Sly Marbo never accepts promotions. He's already everyone's boss.
* Sly Marbo gave his father "the talk".
* Sly Marbo once brought a knife to a gun fight to even the odds.
* Sly Marbo's tree houses have fully furnished basements.
* When Sly Marbo grabs the Blade of Antwyr it has to resist being possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo's favorite pet is named Ickle Snootums and follows his every command. Said pet is also a Greater Khornate Daemon.
* Sly Marbo wakes his alarm clock up in the morning.
* A Genestealer tried to infect Sly Marbo, it went back to the brood and started a Sly Marbo cult.
* Sly Marbo disproved that you are what you eat. If it was true he would be Doombreed.
* Sly Marbo skips over step one, two and three. He goes straight to profit.
* Sly Marbo calmed Khorne down, made Slaanesh chaste, made Nurgle sneeze, made Tzeench forget his plans.
* Sly Marbo can describe the taste of water.
* Tyranids didn't eat the Squats, it was Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo went to Khorne's Brass Keep and shook hands with [[Tuska Daemon-Killa]]. Tuska became a perpetual.
* Khaine once tried to touch Sly Marbo, his hand is still bleeding to this day.
* Even [[Assholetep]] do not dare be an asshole with Sly Marbo.
* Dorn gave up designing the perfect fortress when he remembered to factor in Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo is the only one who can defeat [[Chapter Master Smashfucker]] in 1 turn.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y| AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
* The '''MURDER SWORD''' is just Sly's old Boy Scout pocket knife.
* Pepperidge Farm doesn't remember Sly Marbo. But Sly Marbo remembers them.
* The Black Library? Sly Marbo used to go to there all the time during his childhood.
* Sly Marbo is the one who knocks.
* The real reason for fall of the Eldar and the eye of terror creation was that the Khaine was stupid enough to challenge Marbo to a boxing match. The first punch caused the fall of the Eldar and ripped a hole in the fabric of reality.
* Sly Marbo can take off from a planet without needing transportation. This is possible because gravity is too scared to stop him.
* Sly Marbo brings a knife to a Titan fight. Needless to say he still wins.
* When monsters go to bed, they check to see if Marbo is there. They never find him even if he is there.
* Sly Marbo became a Wulfen and got affected by the Black Rage, despite not been a Space Wolf or Blood Angel, and cured himself of both.
* Cocaine gets addicted to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo gets a massage using a thunder hammer.
* On a visit to Terra, Marbo sneezed. The Primarchs were blown across the galaxy as a result, forcing the Emperor to begin the Great Crusade to search for them.
* In 1996, terrorists tried to hijack a local flight. Sly Marbo hijacked them.
* Sly Marbo once played final fantasy 7, he pressed x to issue his first attack and beat the game.
* Sly Marbo is rumored to have <s>survived</s> ''dominated'' in sexual intercourse with Slaanesh itself.
** This rumor is indeed a fact. In hindsight Sly regards Slaanesh as an "easy" in bed (and everywhere else).
* Sly Marbo IS enough dakka.
* Lord Solar Macharius once brought down a fortress with a single word, Sly Marbo once brought down an entire country with one letter.
* It is said that when Vegeta lost the dragonball his rage could be felt across space, time and 20 years into the future. When Sly Marbo got angry his rage created the Warhammer 40,000 universe.
*The quote "all your base are belong to us" is a mistranslation, they actually meant to say "All our bases are belong to Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo once fought Deadpool. They got bored after three days and pranked Commissar Yarrick and Wolverine after eating a mountain of chimichangas.
*Sly Marbo does not fear death, death fears Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo was once attacked by Tyranids. As soon as one bit him, the entire swarm died instantly.
*Sly Marbo and Creed once played chess. Creed's taktikul jeenyis was no match for Sly Marbo's pure badassery.
*Sly Marbo shaves his balls with an angle grinder.
*Sly Marbo likes his meat so rare that he only eats Primarchs. That's why two are unknown.
*Sly Marbo once poked the Eye of Terror.
*Sly Marbo can catch a cold without getting sick.
*Baron Brixius has less health than Sly Marbo.
*In space, no one can hear you scream. Except for Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo is secretly in a shouting match against Khorne and all of the Orks which has lasted since the time of the old ones. Update, Sly Marbo won.
*Sly Marbo is what actually killed Squats.
*Sly Marbo can cross the streams.
*Sly Marbo can call Mr. Popo "Black man".
*Sly Marbo knows how all those squares make a circle. Also he wants his gallon of acid back.
*Sly Marbo is the only one who can make America great again.
**Sly Marbo put Hilary in the presidential election to troll [[/pol/]], then let Trump win because he got annoyed by the gloating of some leftists.
*All these Sly Marbo facts are dumb. If they were real he would appear behind me right now and repeatedly smash my head against my keybayysdfy& yavartvc&c&cyyn srgípan aetj- aťtn q.
*Sly Marbo can't be killed by a crossbow in Shewsbury because he's the one holding it.
*Some Tau found some of Sly Marbo's left over weed. They're now the Etheral Caste.
*Imperial children have posters of space marines in their rooms. Space marines have posters of Marbo in theirs.
*Sly Marbo already beat Half-Life 3.
*Sly Marbo built the pylons of Cadia, but gave them to Trazyn the Infinite as they weren't big enough.
*Sly Marbo played SONNY 3 and wasn't disappointed.
*Colonel Jurten didn't nuke Krieg into a Death World, he just called in a favor from Sly Marbo.
*If you say 'Sly Marbo' three times in front of a mirror, nothing will happen... until Sly Marbo causes exterminatus on that planet.
*sly marbo thinks capital letters are for losers.
*Sylvester Stallone once called Marbo a ripoff and an imposter. He hasn't been able to talk properly since....
*Rogal Dorn may have reviewed Codex Astartes, but Sly Marbo reviewed Lectitio Divinitatus (he gave it 4/10 because it didn't mention any of the facts above).
*Sly Marbo actually bit off Straken's arm. Straken just made up the land shark story because he's too scared of Sly Marbo to tattle on him.
*Sly Marbo chews plutonium and spits out meltabeams.
*Sly Marbo is the Doomguy. [[Doom]] is just the story of his vacation in the Eye of Terror.
*Sly Marbo invented cheese. He then renamed it Rogal Dorn.
*Sly Marbo is an Emperor-damned sexual Tyrannosaurus.
*Sly Marbo is an extreme couponer.
*Sly Marbo gets more girls than James T Kirk. Kirk only gets that many women because a drop of Sly Marbo's sweat landed in his cologne once.
*Sly Marbo's breakfast cereal alone has a power level over 9000
*Sly Marbo brushes his teeth with vortex grenades.
*They say Chuck Norris can kill someone with his stare, but Sly Marbo can kill you just by thinking about you. That means that he can kill you from anywhere at any ti:6,&skr{.
*Sly Marbo is one of the missing Primarchs.
*Sly Marbo made Uplay register at his online service.
*Sly Marbo is the danger.
*Some attack helicopters sexually identify as Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo has lost Russian Roulette 64,543 times against a Warhound Titan Plasma Cannon. His win rate on the other hand is over 9001^9001
*Sly Marbo once enacted Exterminatus upon a daemon world by staring it down.
*Sly Marbo can find Corvus Corax in a game of Hide And Seek.
*Sly Marbo wears power armour to bed.
*[[Carlos McConnell]] claims to be Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo lets him believe that while he takes the virginity of Carlos's catgirl crew.
*Sly Marbo can create a rock so heavy he cannot lift it.
*Sly Marbo can lift that rock. After gold-plating it.
*Sly Marbo can out-bald Indrick Boreale, even with hair.
*Horus gave up fighting the Emperor when he realised he'd have to fight Sly Marbo
*Sly Marbo can move freely during ZA WARUDO.
*Sly Marbo gave [[Belisarius Cawl]] hints on how to build the Armor of Fate. It took him nearly 10,000 years to do it. Sly would have done it in less than 10,000 seconds.
*Sly Marbo could bitchslap [[Ynnead]] to death, but hasn't done so because he wants to see who would win in a fight between Ynnead and Slaanesh.
*The reason it's taken 10,000 years for people to realize that creating Super Space Marines is a good idea is that Sly Marbo can hide himself in peoples memories.
*Sly Marbo once let Trazyn capture him in a stasis field just to see what happened. He escaped with time to place a body double.
**Then he sent Trazyn a letter telling him what he did. Trazyn still has the body double, because Sly Marbo felt sorry for him.
*Sly Marbo's not just a new model for Shadow War: Armageddon, he's an entirely new faction.
*Sly Marbo brushes his teeth with Grombrindal's beard when the vortex grenades don't cut it.
*Sly Marbo knows what happened to Agent Georgia.
*Sly Marbo Abducts Xenos and Probes them.
*Primaris Marines were made after the new model of Sly Marbo in all his glory. Sly's disappointed in them already.
*Sly Marbo can beat Grombrindal in a drinking contest, but Grombrindal laughs it off.
*Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Sly Marbo each night, but never finds him, because he's behind you.
*Sly Marbo is too subtle for [[Oinkbane]].
*It's said that it took Belisarius Cawl 10,000 years to make the Primaris Space Marines. It's because it took him that long to find Sly Marbo.
*Belisarius Cawl failed to make the true Primaris Space Marines. He couldn't clone Sly Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo Sneezes, it is Strength D.
*Everyone fears the Inquisition. The Inquisition fears Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo forged himself out of John Cena, Chuck Norris and a Nokia cellphone.
*Sly Marbo can never earn qualifications or take an exam for his work is so great that no examiner is qualified to review it, besides Sly Marbo of course.
*Sly Marbo went back in time and killed his great grandfather, the resulting paradox barely changed anything as even time itself does not have the balls to erase Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo was all four hoursmen of the apocolypse at once, he was fired by Death for being too hardcore. Death regretted this.
*Sly Marbo created the warp when he was undergoing the "emo phase"
*Ice is just diamond that found out about Sly Marbo.
*Magnus the Red once challenged Marbo to a motorbike race, thinking that he could stop time with his powers, but Marbo didn't slow down when he did so resulting in the greatest discrepancy between 1st and 2nd place time in the history of motorcycling.
*The Cadian gate fell because Sly Marbo was busy elsewhere.
*Chuck Norris's killer, Bruce Lee, once challenged Sly Marbo to a duel. We have a clue as to what happened next, cause we can't find Bruce Lee or Sly Marbo. All we found was the remains of who knows how many solar systems......
*Solar eclipses go blind from staring at Sly Marbo
*When Khaldor Draigo finally opens the box that contains the Terminus Decree, it reveals Sly Marbo's phone number.
*On Marbo's Tinder profile, swiping left is the same as swiping right.
*Sly Marbo always has the high ground. When he doesn't, he tilts the planet.
*Skarbrand stays in a doorframe because Sly Marbo is outside. And inside.
*The Cicatrix Maledictum was created when Marbo struck a home run across the galaxy
*Sly Marbo secretly mentored Kitten, so he could beat Tzeentch in Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker.
*Sly Marbo once beat Khorne at arm wrestling, while having both hands tied behind his back.
*Sly Marbo is secretly fucking Isha behind Nurgle's back.
*Some people say Orks had a beautiful, intricate language. That was before they fought against Sly Marbo.
*The Tau were the best melee fighters in the galaxy until Sly marbo arrived.
*Sly Marbo will kill every enemy of the Imperium just as soon as 999M41 ends.
*Sly Marbo is the reason why the Xeelee engage in timetravel warfare; it's just to get away from him (they aren't successful), (the Photino Birds are fighting the Xeelee because they think the Xeelee will lead Marbo to them).
*Sly Marbo beats the Culture in their microsecond battles since he has the reaction speed of an ominpotent being.
*Sly Marbo once fucked a Tau woman. She later gave birth to Shas'O'Kais.
*The opening scene, of Saving Private Ryan, isn't a depiction of an ancient Terran war it is the depiction of Sly Marbo playing dodge ball
*Remember that picture of D-Day when there was a man carrying a sword...... That's Sly Marbo going on his daily stroll.
*The reason Shadowsun left Kitten was because she met Sly Marbo
* Boss Snikrot and Sly Marbo once played hide and seek. Snikrot has yet to find Marbo. Marbo's been hiding behind him the whole time.
* Marbo screams AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA all the time because he is speaking in a language too evolved for mere mortals to understand.
* Marbo raided the Slanneshmas special not only because Lucius called him up, but also because Bile hadn't given him that five bucks he owes the man! And because that Chaotic Sister of Battle who he can't take seriously is a wonder in bed. (Her name is Miriael Sabathiel and I guess she must use her crazy Daemon tongue, because her armour is fused to her skin.)
* Marbo's ability aren't really booby traps, they're actually places he told the enemy not to go to. Whenever an enemy enters the cover he designated; Marbo plummets from the sky like a drop pod from to engage the poor sods who dare defy him, all the while screaming at the top of his voice. The best thing about this is that even when he's forced off the field; he'll ''still'' do it anyway.
*[[Corvus Corax]] owes Sly Marbo a favor
*Sly Marbo is rumored to be one of the many fragments of The God Emperors soul. But that’s obviously not true because Sly Marbo is way more powerful than even the whole God Emperor.
*Sly Marbo once had sex with a tank, the resulting offspring became Joakim Broden, lead singer of Sabaton.
*Sly Marbo's never hot, even when he's on the sun
*If loyal guardsman will try to befriend Sly Marbo, they'll instantly become Catachan jungle fighter
*Sly Marbo wanted a tan, so he got a starship to throw him through the core of a star... it worked somewhat, where nothing else did.
*Sly Marbo is the reason Urien Rakarth's regeneration process is faulty. Once Marbo killed him, and it hasn't worked right since then.
*Sly Marbo is okay with the Imperium for allying with the Ynnari because Yvraine is an ex-lover of his. Yvraine's crush on Roboute is her trying to find the next best lay to Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo beat a Carnifex, a Squiggoth and a Bloodthirster in a 3-1 fight. He won by tying them together with a Trygon and a Mawloc.
*Eversor assassins refuse to attack Sly Marbo.
*The closest Sly Marbo has come to smiling is when Cegorach told him the world's funniest joke.
*Inquisitor Valeria wasn't BLAM!ed for consorting with Trazyn. She met Marbo at a nightclub, they had a one-night stand and she decided to make her new job becoming his personal slut and stays in a beachside cottage whenever he comes by.
*Sly Marbo beat the Swarmlord in an arm-wrestling match. To be fair, the Swarmlord did better than Marneus Calgar.
*The Phoenix Lord Fuegan's firepike is made from a cigarette lighter Sly Marbo threw away.
*Sly Marbo hunted the Lictor Deathleaper and killed it. He took three days to catch it because he decided to give it a sporting chance with a two day head-start.
*Pyrovores explode when they get close to Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo is unharmed.
*Sly Marbo outshot Cypher, Illic Nightspear and a Vindicare Assassin with one eye closed.
*When Sly Marbo feels like eating calamari, he eats a Venomthrope and a Malanthrope, sauted and marinated.
*A sneeze from Sly Marbo is like an earthshaker round.
*Fabius Bile does his work because he's trying to make another Sly Marbo. Sly lets him try because he finds Fabius' futile quest amusing.
*Sly Marbo is the one who killed actually Konrad Curze
*Sly Marbo is so sly, that when he goes into Battle he even surprises himself
*Sly Marbo once fought Kenshiro in a duel. Kenshiro did his famous move and said his catchphrase. However, Kenshiro was already dead.
*Sly Marbo is de whey.
*Sly Marbo touched Tzeentch's spaget!
*Sly Marbo's challenge rating in D&D is not measured in levels, but instead in number of [[tarrasque]]
*Sly Marbo left his own shadow behind, because it cannot keep up with him.
**His now abandoned shadow was mistaken for a ctan by the necrons who attempted to capture it. Needless to say, they did not succeed.
*Sly Marbo's penis is an ap1 weapon which ignores invulnerability saves.
*Sly Marbo encountered a Greater Barking Toad. After 5 days of agonizing pain, the Toad died.
*There is not [[Chaos Gods of Law]] in 40k because Sly Marbo thinks the Warp have enough deities as it is.
*Sly Marbo is what's in the Grey Knights secret box.
*Sly Marbo's sweat, when applied to any surface, will grant immunity to damage. It is a shame that Sly Marbo has never found anything he actually had to try to kill.
*Sly Marbo set the record for the fastest kill of a furry
*Sly Marbo NTRd the guy in the NTRs
*Sly Marbo boots are made from Fulgrim heretic ass
*Thanos required an infinity gauntlet to wipe out half the universe. Sly Marbo requires nothing to wipe out the entire Universe.
*Sly Marbo can kill [[Vulkan]]. Permanently.
*Sly Marbo's knife and bullets are made from Nokias. It is also the only communication device that can survive him.
*A call from Sly Marbo cannot be declined, only answered.
*Sly Marbo can see John Cena.
* When Sly Marbo turns around, the weeping angels dare not touch him. The last one that tried got sent back in time.
* When the Cybermen met Sly Marbo, they deleted themselves.
* Sly Marbo exterminates Daleks.
* Sly Marbo knows the Doctor's real name.
* Sly Marbo killed Hannibal
* Drach'nyen was Sly Marbo's toy sword.
* Terra's water never boiled away. Sly Marbo was just thirsty.
* Sly Marbo hasn't got time to bleed.
* Sly Marbo visited a zombie infested world once. There he bit a zombie and two days later, every zombie was cured.
* When playing Rock Paper Scissors, if Sly Marbo has scissors and you have paper he wins and if he has scissors and you have rock, Marbo still wins.
* Sly Marbo once encountered a bad [[Mary Sue]] OC that was the daughter of the Emperor and Isha and was loved by everyone and was more powerful than everyone ever, she was also 1000000000 years old but looked 18 and she had the Emperor's Sword and couldn't be killed. Sly Marbo wiped her and her creator from existence.
* Sly Marbo never has a pony/furry version of him. This is because anyone who even dares think of doing such a thing gets destroyed.
*If you're on a platform that's higher than Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo still has the high ground.
*Sly Marbo once worked out on an air bike. This bike became so infused with Sly's awesome sweat that it turned into an assault bike which Sly proceeded to ride around the Galaxy before landing on Chogoris. This bike became known as Moondrakkan.
*Sly Marbo killed 4 avatars an ork waaagh and a whole hive fleet by sneezing
*Sly Marbo once ate a Taco Bell bean burrito. The resulting fart became [[Nurgle]].
*It is said that Sly Marbo’s tears can cure the Gellerpox. Trouble is, he’s never cried. (This one came straight from GW!)
*Sly Marbo once got bitten by a Toxicrene. After three days of horrendous pain, the Toxicrene died.
*One time a Tyranid fleet descended on Catachan intent on devouring the planet they were subsequently cooked and eaten by Sly Marbo.
*It's said that a transfusion of Marbo's blood can revive the emperor but the mechanicus can't fabricate a needle strong enough to extract it.
*Sly Marbo is what's in the Deathwatches secret box.
*Sly Marbo is not in any way related to Sly Cooper, in fact he would kill the little raccoon if he ever sees him for stealing his name.
*His bipod has a bipod.
*Sly Marbo got level 100 Colonel on the day Battlefield V launches.
* Sly Marbo can put out a grease fire with water
*Sly Marbo was cooking dinner, but he forgot to get some mushrooms. He replaced the mushrooms with orks since they're both fungi.
*Sly Marbo has seen a Purple Ork.
*Sly Marbo shed only a single tear watching the ending of the Iron Giant, or maybe Terminator 2. Or he was watching both at the same time. Or he watched one and nearly shed a tear then the other pushed him over the edge.
*Sly Marbo has beaten [[Dwarf Fortress|Dorf Fortress]]. He did this while tunneling through the Hidden Fun Stuff to the circus with his teeth on day one, beating the clowns into submission on day two, then building a wing of the fortress there on day three.
*Sly Marbo can kill two stones with one bird.
*Sly Marbo beat the Eye of Terror in a staring contest.
*Sly Marbo can build a snowman out of rain.
*Sly Marbo can unscramble an egg.
*Sly Marbo isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Sly Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo wants pasta, he catches a bunch of Mawlocs, covers them in tomato sauce and eats them.
*He is the best pirate you've ever seen.
*Kellermorph Hybrids carry Stub Revolvers in a vain attempt to impress Sly Marbo.
*Some people say that It was Space Wolves who destroyed the shield of the Will of Eternity during the siege of Cadia, but this Anon believes that It was Sly Marbo. Why? Because he was there, don't question it
*Sly Marbo once punched a ork spore into another dimension, said spore became Gordrakk.
*Maw-krushas are the only creature sly Marbo won't kill, because he doesn't want to kill his pets.
*Sly Marbo edits his own article.

==Fanmade Rules==
Although awesome in their own right, Sly Marbo’s current rules lack the... gravitas and bombasticness of his fan portrayal. As such, some fan made rules are in order (but are still “somewhat” playable).

===8th edition===
{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4 align=left
|- valign=top
! Name !! M !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! A !! Ld !! Sv !! Points
|-
| Sly Marbo || 8" || 2+ || 2+ || 4 || 4 || 9 || 4 || 11 || 2+ || 1000
|}
 

{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4 align=right
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
| Ripper Pistol || 12" || Pistol 2 || 4 || -3 || 2 || Models with less than 10 wounds which are wounded by this weapon are automatically slain.
|-
| Envenomed Blade || Melee || Melee || User || -3 || 1 || This weapon automatically wounds it’s target on a 2+. If you attack with this weapon you may only make 1 attack in total in the fight phase, if that hit is successful however then every enemy model within 3” takes a hit from this profile.
|-
| Penetrating Glare || Infinite || Macro 1 || 32 || -5 || 10 || This attack does not require line of sight, ignores cover and invulnerability saves, and deals any damage dealt in mortal wounds. Any unit destroyed by this attack explodes, dealing D6 mortal wounds to all units within 2D6”.
|-
| Marbo’s Sneeze || 6" || Grenade D6 || 6 || -2 || D3 || -
|}

Abilities:
*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!:
**Sly Marbo may re-roll failed hit and wound rolls and re-roll those failed re-rolls, but only if you scream “AAAAAAAAAAAAA” while doing so. In addition to this, Sly Marbo charges 4D6” instead of 2D6”.

*The Manliest man to ever grace the galaxy:
**Sly Marbo has a 2++ invulnerability save and halves all damage received (rounding down). Any damage saved against by Sly Marbo is also dealt back to the unit which dealt it in the form of mortal wounds.

*Rules are for mortals:
**Sly Marbo does not suffer any penalties for moving and firing any weapons, and may fire all his weapons in the shooting phase (including his grenades).

*Saviour of the galaxy:
**Sly Marbo may not be your warlord, but before the battle begins you may set this model up in reserve wherever he hides before striking. You may deploy this models the end of any of your movement phases 9” or further away from enemy units. Instead of doing this you may instead deploy this model further than 5” of an enemy unit which is about to deal to deal the final wound to your warlord during the fight phase, immediately make a charge roll for Sly Marbo, if the charge is successful then the damage your warlord would receive is ignored and Sly Marbo immediately makes a round of attacks.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
image:Sly Marbo.jpg|Mini in action.
Image:TheNewSly.jpeg|His converted model in action. You can just hear the AAAAAAAAA
Image:Sly Marbo 2017.jpeg
Image:SlyMarbo8thedition.png|He's back. In [[Fail|Resin]] And he's most certainly behind you
</gallery>

{{IG-Characters}}
Sly marbo is love. Sly marbo is life.

Sly Marbo

2019-07-28T13:03:58Z

2620:105:B001:B101:9C80:8362:1632:682: /* Marbo in Game */

{{awesome}}
{{Topquote|1='''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'''|2=Sly Marbo, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y as depicted] in [[TTS]]}}
{{topquote|1=We're like animals. It's in the blood. It's natural, peace that's an accident. It's what is. When you're pushed, killing is as easy as breathing.|2=[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrpjOI40IwY John Rambo.]}}

[[Image:Sly Marbo Art.jpg|frame|It's a motherfuckin' lead farm!]]

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8n1hKQULa9Y Sly Marbo in a nutshell.]

Sly Marbo (Sly as in Sylvester Stallone, Marbo as in an anagram of Rambo, with a recent dash of Arnie and Snake Plissken) is a renowned Catachan Jungle Fighter, however, he operates separately from other Catachan units as he's a lone wolf almost all the time.

==Marbo in Universe==
As a <s>RAMBO</s> Catachan native, the jungle is his element, and he is capable of buttfucking entire enemy forces through his innate skill at jungle and guerrilla warfare. He strikes from seemingly nowhere and disappears back into the dense jungle. He is famous for his excellent sniping skills (Which make a [[Vindicare Assassin]] look like an [[Ork Snipers|Ork]]) and is considered to be one of the deadliest Humans in existence; not bad for a Guardsman...

Mysterious and aloof, little is known about Marbo's origins, and most of what is said remains speculation. Only his bro, Colonel Traupman (totally not Trautman from the Rambo films) knows the truth of his past. Marbo is so majestically ripped, that his fellow Jungle Fighters compare him to a small Ork, to the point that his muscley bulk is considered almost inhuman, oh and his eyes are scary as all fuck.

It is said that he was one of ten brothers inducted into the Catachan XII Regiment, but they all ended up getting killed by Orks. Pissed off that he had lost his Bruva Marbo's, Sly hunted down the Ork Warboss, killed him, and strode on back to base with his head.

Marbo then gained renown as one of the few survivors of the Dark Eldar incursion of Galabad. The small garrison of Jungle Fighters stationed on the planet was too few in number compared to the hordes of xenos, and was soon overrun. Many historians recount the horrific details of long, dark nights of torture, in which the Catachan prisoners were dismembered whilst Wyches and Mandrakes bathed in the blood of their victims (kinky). It was Marbo's boi, Colonel Traupman who led the rescue force that eventually found Sly: the mad bastard was standing alone and armed only with a knife, covered from head to toe in alien blood. Marbo had prepared for his pal's arrival though, as he was surrounded by destroyed vehicles, piles of alien bodies and had even bothered to put the head of the Dark Eldar leader on a fancy stake. What a nice guy!

Marbo's exploits have gotten to the point where regular Guardsmen practically worship his holy Rambo-ness. Good ol' Sly has fought his way from one end of the galaxy to the other attached to various Catachan regiments, including the famed badasses, the Catachan II. Here Sly works alone: Straken only needs to give him the order and he will turn enemy leaders into lasagne, break the back of enemy advances, and blow the fuck out of enemy war machines. On Pardus, it is said that he destroyed a Tau armored convoy by booby-trapping an entire ravine, while on Sask's World he captured a command post single-handedly, slaying the alien leader and all of its tentacled bodyguards, using only his BARE HANDS and a RATION TIN! It is said that during the Octavius War Marbo hunted Lictors for sport. That aside, Marbo has a collection of medals that would rival a Warmaster, having been awarded the Star of Terra multiple times for his legendary exploits (The Star of Terra is the IG's Medal of Honour/Victoria Cross).

On the planet of Nordassa, Marbo destroyed a BANELORD FUCKING [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|TITAN]]. Nobody knows how, because the pussies at Segmentum Command decided to make the details of his mission highly classified, even on his own file. He probably wrecked it simply by pissing in its general direction.

During <s> Rambo II </s> the Third War for Armageddon, Sly fucking Marbo was sent out to get shit done against the Orks. Normally, entire warbands of elite Assassins and soldiers would venture into Armageddon’s wastelands. But everyone knew that Marbo don't need that shit, so they sent him out on his own.

At the start of <s>Rambo III</s> the 13th Black Crusade, Marbo began his own shadow war against the enemies of the Imperium. Marbo wrought so much havoc using well-placed headshots and improvised explosives that entire encampments full of [[Chaos Space Marines]] were found destroyed. The destruction was on such a scale that Imperial forces figured it could only have been caused by a force of loyalist [[Space Marines|Spehss Marines]], eventually finding out that it was Sly fucking Marbo, alone and [[Rip and tear|doing what he does best]].

If you consider ''[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]]'', then then there is a spinoff where [[Vulkan]] and [[Corvus Corax]], taking a vacation, learned from Colonel Straken and the Catachan II why Marbo was so powerful: He's actually a [[Living Saint]]. He was so fucking awesome alone that he achieved ''apotheosis'', however, unlike that of the kinds of [[Saint Celestine]], he rejected all the blatantly Christian parts of angel wings, halos and doves because they were too unmanly for his presence (but he won't judge any men that do, cause he is a bro like that, not holding anything inherent against anyone except [[Erebus]] but that goes without saying). Marbo and the Catachans abhor such fabulous pretentiousness, for they were born and made to survive in the worst, poorest and dirtiest of conditions, and adorning such elements of fabulous wealth is hypocrisy, betrayal against their native roots.

==Marbo in Game==

Marbo IS (HE'S BACK! and he's right behind you) an elite unit choice for the [[Imperial Guard]] rather than a HQ (as is the case with most special characters), which makes sense because he's an operative, not a commander. He used to cost the bitchin' low amount of 65 points (so the same as a 10-man squad of Guardsmen with a grenade launcher and power weapon). He's fully back (as in more than just in SW:A) as of 5/4/17 for 7th, and he's a lot damn better at only 25 points. In 5th edition, he used to have a demo charge to toss an S8 AP2 pie plate of death on a unit upon his arrival. That's how he would usually make his 65 points back. His new 25 point incarnation loses the demo charge and instead gains the ability to "booby trap" 3 pieces of terrain, making them dangerous terrain for enemy units for the duration of the game. His method of gaining his points back will not usually to hope that someone dies on the terrain or that he manages to kill a couple of models with his pistol or in CC.

Marbo, if you strike him into enemy lines, will inevitably die because your opponent will really want him dead due to the threat he poses against infantry. Marbo, however, IS the shit. His knife is 2+ poisoned, and his pistol is Strength X, AP3 with Sniper, and carries a melta bomb as standard, he's pretty good at assault and shooting (although his shooting attack is somewhat short-ranged, so you're better off charging the enemy lines) and will invariably wreck some expensive squad's day before he dies a glorious death, assuming he gets close, as of his new rules he has 5+ FNP, Stealth, Move Through Cover, Hit and Run and Fleet, and the special rules "He's Behind You", "Like a Shadow" and "Master of Ambush" allows him to charge out of cover to strike into the enemy lines, unleash SIX ATTACKS (4 standard, +1 on the charge, +1 for having two weapons) AT I5 onto whichever poor SOB is in his sights, then disengage and RETURN TO RESERVES to strike from the shadows once again. If he ever DOES die, reality will stop for a brief moment and The Emprah will be heard to shout "What's wrong? Sly? Sly? SLYYYYYYYY!" (what really happens is he pretends to be dead and then slips back into the jungle to strike at his foe at a later date...)

Then He'll lock Himself in His room and cry for three days and three nights.

==Marbo in Novel==
Marbo appeared in the novel Deathworld. In the novel, the main characters, though in a squad of 10, were already having trouble surviving the planet and its life. It was made impossible to fall asleep and wake up (because you'd already be dead!) without someone keeping watch over you. How the hell then did Sly Marbo do it? Nobody really knows, maybe it's because of the facts below. In fact, he is one of the most poorly developed characters in the entire 40k history; some speculate that he is on par with Boreale and Carron. And in the Codex the little that is mentioned of him makes him out to be even more of a badass; he is known to have been awarded multiple Stars of Terra (the highest military award in the Imperium), so many in fact that he stopped caring and needed someone else to hold them for him.

==Death, Return, Death, and Return of a Hero==
According to the new codex, he isn't listed anymore (rumored due to ultra marine fans bitching) . Then again a lot of things are changing, so we might see his return in a small offshoot book or support text. Pray to your [[Chaos|gods]] for the return of Marbo. The Emperor protects.

PRAISE TEH EMPRAH! Marbo's model is now available for purchase [https://www.games-workshop.com/en-GB/Imperial-Guardsman-Marbo-2016 again] (for now) still no rules though... Sly doesn't need rules. Fielding him is an instant victory.

SLY IS REALLY BACK FOR GOOD! HE HAS [https://17890-presscdn-0-51-pagely.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/40k8_SW_Armageddon_Kill_teams_of_One_Characters.pdf RULES FOR BEING FIELDED] IN SHADOW WAR: ARMAGEDDON! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (With Ld 7 lol what a fucking pussy {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|Heresy!}} and he's fearless anyway, the ld value is just the standard there as filler) - [https://17890-presscdn-0-51-pagely.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/40k7_Marbo_Datasheet-1.pdf He´s also back for Full-Scale 40k now], with new rules that basically turn him into a light [[Eversor]]. New rules that will [[derp|only be valid for the next couple of months before 8th drops]] (and for 8e as GW said every character and unit that has rules will be getting an updated set, even if Sly's is just another PDF), but who cares, SLY IS BACK (and is probably right behind you). As it turns out, his new model is a conversion from Catachan sets.
And he's gone again so fuck this shit.

And now he's back again... for real this time. A White Dwarf page has leaked showing a shiny new (and not converted) Sly Marbo model to be released on December 23rd. His model has Snake Plisken's Gun, Arnold Schwarzenegger's biceps from '''Commando''', and he even comes with Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors on the base (he's still behind you). He's once again locked at 65 points, and is once again an HQ. He retains his deep strike capability but can no longer appear RIGHT BEHIND YOU (using the standard 9" deep strike deployment), instead forcing you to choose between a melta bomb of horror, a free snipe, or a free movement, letting him move in. Unfortunately, due to his comparatively low stats, other than the fact that he has up to 8 attacks on 2s and 2s, only the bomb will be likely to do anything, but who cares HE'S BACK, PRAISE THE EMPRAH.

== Sly Marbo Facts ==
Now canon according to the Regimental Standard, although it insists they're all just exaggerated rumors because they're spoilsports. Warning: repeating these in front of a [[Commissar]] is punishable by being reassigned to Plasma Gunner duty.

*Sly Marbo threw a grenade and killed five Orks. Then it exploded.
*Sly Marbo poked the warp right in the Eye of Terror.
*A Catachan Devil once stung Sly Marbo. After 5 days of agonising pain, the Catachan Devil died.
*Flak armour wears Sly Marbo for protection.
*Sly Marbo doesn’t have a shadow because he scared it off.
*When Ambulls go to bed at night, they check their nests for Sly Marbo.
*The fastest way to a man’s heart is with Sly Marbo’s blade.
*Sly Marbo once shot down a Dakkajet by pointing at it with his finger and saying “bang!”.
*Sly Marbo doesn’t shower, he takes blood baths.
*Lord Castellan Creed wears Sly Marbo pyjamas.
*If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Sly Marbo.
*The official name for “Exterminatus” is Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo beat a Warlord Titan at arm wrestling.
*Sly Marbo hacked a Tyranid Prime to death with its own scything talon.
*Sly Marbo can run faster than a Shokkjump Dragster.
*Sly Marbo sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
*The Cicatrix Maledictum was created when Sly Marbo sneezed.
*The first name engraved in every suit of Custodes’ armour is Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo does not sleep. He waits…
*Sly Marbo does not go hunting because “hunting” implies the possibility of failure – Sly Marbo goes killing.
*Roboute Gulliman keeps an inspirational pict of Sly Marbo with him at all times.
*Sly Marbo won a staring contest with a Necron.
*The Bermuda Triangle disappeared when Sly Marbo went through it.
*Sly Marbo is not trapped in a [[Tomb World]] full of [[Necron|Necrons]], they are all trapped in there with him.
*Sly Marbo expected the Spanish Inquisition.
*Skarbrand does NOT hate Sly Marbo. He's terrified of him.
*The Emperor is actually just a temporary replacement for Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo got bored being the ruler of mankind and went off to kill things, leaving the Emperor in his place.
*Marc Lecointe is Sly Marbo in disguise.
*Sly Marbo is Marc Lecointe in disguise.
*When the biggest badasses in the multiverse meet up, Sly Marbo leads them into battle.
*The Emperor is actually alive and fully functioning, he's just too scared to move in case Sly Marbo remembers him and comes back for his old job.
* The Warhammer 40k universe isn't actually this grimdark. The Universe is just too scared of Sly Marbo to be noblebright.
*Sly Marbo pisses at things and they explode.
*Sly Marbo can also put out phosphex fires by pissing on them!
*Sly Marbo doesn't afraid of anything!
*Sly Marbo once took a job as a leading role in a theater, someone said break a leg. Sly Marbo was only too happy to oblige by breaking the legs of everyone in the theater. The play got 5 stars by the way.
*Sly Marbo has longer range than old Deathstrike Missiles.
*As of ettra 2017, Sly Marbo can now be launched from a [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]], and much like an [[Exterminatus]], he kills every unit on and off the table including reserves and the ones you didn't field today. And the players need to be hospitalized.
*Any time Sly Marbo makes laser noises such as "pew pew", any being on the other end of that pew pew will suffer wounds similar to that which a Lascannon could inflict.
*Sly Marbo can shoot lasers from his eyes, that's where the term "laser eye surgery" comes from because you're gonna need a doctor after he's done with you!
*Sly Marbo, doesn't just kill 2 birds with the one stone, he kills entire flocks with a stone.
*Sly Marbo doesn't add insult to injury, his insults are the injury.
*Sly Marbo once went to court over a parking ticket violation. He found everyone in the room guilty of wasting the court's time.
*Sly Marbo once played a game of Tetris, he beat the game with one move.
*Sly Marbo once crashed the stock market....There were no survivors.
*Sly Marbo beat the Emperor, Tzeench, and Kitten in Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker. At once. By accident.
*Sly Marbo invented walking softly and carrying a big gun. With a knife.
*Sly Marbo once shot down an enemy [[Heldrake]] by pointing his finger in the shape of a gun and saying "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" ("bang")
*Sly Marbo can beat a wall in a Tennis match.
*Sly Marbo can make a woman (or a man) climax by winking or nodding at her/him.
*Sly Marbo never smiles, but can produce pheromones that make you think he did.
*Sly Marbo can make planets explode by Frowning.
*Chaos space marines no longer have the 'And They Shall Know No Fear' special rule because they know that Sly Marbo is out to get them.
*Sly Marbo can impregnate a woman just by touching her with his dick, winking at her or nodding, and NOT get a paternity suit further down the line.
*Only [[Samus|Samus Aran]] and Wonder Woman have wombs strong enough to bear Sly Marbo's children. Nope, not Celestine, partly because Celestine is one of Marbo's kids that he doesn't want to talk about. <s>(But incest is wincest)</s> {{BLAM}}HERESY!!!
*Sly Marbo once got launched back to the year 1506 AD, January 22nd, and trained a group of people to be mercenaries. They were the Swiss Guard.
*The chairman claims that the Meta simply drowned after falling into the freezing waters. In reality the Meta died because he encountered Sly Marbo there when the latter was skinny-dipping.
*Sly Marbo is the only being in existence to have enough Dakka. With a knife.
*Sly Marbo was the first living being to discover DAKKA.
*Sly Marbo can hide from Creed.
*Sly Marbo CAN and WILL. End of discussion.
*Sly Marbo is [[Imperial Fists|fortifying this position.]]
*Sly Marbo killed JFK from behind the Grassy Knoll.
*Sly Marbo also killed JFK from the book depository.
*Sly Marbo did 9/11 whilst blindfolded.
*Sly Marbo can melt steel beams.
*Sly Marbo saved Adolf Hitler from drowning when he was a child in Austria, then killed him when crap hit the fan in 1944.
*Sly Marbo is [[recursion]].
*Sly Marbo is [[recursion]].
*Sly Marbo is [[recursion]].
*Sly Marbo challenged Sigmar to an arm wrestling match, but the dimension they were in folded in on itself due to the shear weight of epic before the match could end. The survivors said that he might even have been winning.
*Sly Marbo is Karl's only friend.
*Sly Marbo isn't [[Alpharius]] or [[Omegon]], Alpharius, Omegon and the whole of the rest of the [[Alpha Legion]] are Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo is the only person capable of actually killing Trazyn (Lord of Magpies) The Infinite.
*Sly Marbo is the oldest being in the universe as he killed everything else. So when he created the chaos gods they were so afraid of him they created their own dimension to flee from him. They think they are safe from Sly Marbo but the truth is they are not.
*The Old Ones created the Orks in an attempt to kill Marbo. This is why the Old Ones are extinct.
*Once the Emperor and Sly high fived. The shockwave cut the galaxy in half, greeting The Great Rift.
*Sly Marbo beat Gork and Mork at the same time in an arm wrestling match. They both got to use two arms.
*Sly Marbo is not actually silent, but is actually screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA". The only reason why people cannot hear him is because only the most badass people to exist can hear it, which is why the emprah has a single continuous headache on the golden throne.
*Sly Marbo never stops screaming because it is a victory scream and Sly Marbo has already won.
*Sly Marbo is never added to an army. Army lists are added to Sly Marbo. Watch here for the reversed demonstration: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYfCb8D1JVo]
*[[Exterminatus]] destroys planets. Sly Marbo destroys <s> segmenta </s> galaxies.
*Sly Marbo can and will single-handedly destroy the Tyranids. By '''looking''' at them.
*Sly Marbo eats Carnifexes for breakfast, alive, with or without the aid of sauce.
*Sly Marbo models assemble and paint themselves.
*Sly Marbo can out AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA an [[Ork]] WAAAGH! and a [[Space Wolves]] RAAAAAAAAAARGH!
*Sly Marbo does not sleep, he waits.
*Sly Marbo slayed all the Dark Eldar by himself and yelled out his mighty AAAAAAAAAAAAAA to free all of the captives from their cages. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y]
*Sly Marbo goes to war waitwalking.
*Even I, [[Cato Sicarius]] admit Marbo is better than [[TTS|I, Cato Sicarius.]]
*No matter the conditions Sly Marbo smells like victory.
*Sly Marbo can stay so still that not even his atoms vibrate.
*Sly Marbo taught Drax how to do the above.
*Sly Marbo is the reason the Void Dragon is hiding.
*There is one Sly Marbo in every universe, they regularly meet up and play uno (no one Sly Marbo has yet to out do the other).
*Sly Marbo scares the living shit out of all the Ordo Malleus, Ordo Hereticus, and Ordo Xenos put together.
*Sly Marbo passes any characteristic test he is required to take including Toughness, Leadership, STD, Genetic, Initiative, and Paternity.
*[[Abaddon]] stole the planet killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside.
following this, he jumped out of the box, and ripped off abaddons arms, and that's why all the abaddon models have crappy arms
*In Dawn of War 2: Retribution, Tyranid ending, the swarm strips all life from subsector Aurelia. Well, 99.999% of it; Marbo is still there.
*Sly Marbo's mini was once used in Dungeons and Dragons. The mini killed every monster in the manual, before killing the Dungeon master and all players present.
*In the movement phase, Sly Marbo remains stationary and moves the gaming table 6" in any direction.
*Lightsabers are powered by Marbo's toenail clippings.
*Sly Marbo once fought Nurgle and changed him into a flower.
*When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo.
*They developed a new branch of the Inquisition specifically for Marbo - Ordo Marbicus.
*Sly Marbo killed Batman's parents.
*Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy [[Leman Russ]] is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
*The [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] isn't on the Golden Throne, he just left a dummy there to keep Marbo off his trail. Marbo's not fooled.
*The Grim Reaper doesn't come for Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo comes for the Grim Reaper.
*Sly Marbo has two speeds, Stalk and Exterminatus.
*sly Marbo doesn't need no stinkin; key-card.
*Sly Marbo made Slaanesh his bitch. TWICE.
**It is rumored that Slaanesh suffered permanent nerve damage and can no longer climax unless Sly Marbo Winks at Him/Her/It.
*Sly Margo passed a paternity test for Khorne.
*Sly Marbo is on Nurgle's list for two reasons; Sly Marbo repels all dirt and germs and Sly Marbo seduced Isha. ALSO TWICE. FOR BOTH THINGS.
*Sly Marbo bitchslapped Horus. Horus apologized.
*If Marbo's demo charge scatters back on him, he kicks the template back so that it lands on the enemy general.
*Sly isn't the missing [[Primarch]]. He is the entire Missing Legion!
*Sly Marbo really loves kittens and puppies. He thinks they're best served rare.
*Sly Marbo never washes. Dirt is too afraid to touch him.
*Sly Marbo ALWAYS eats soup with a fork.
**If he can't find a fork, a chainsword will do.
*Sly Marbo is Toughness D.
*Sly Marbo eats Tyranid Rippers for breakfast, lunch, and tea. Without sauce.
*When MC Hammer is around, it's Hammertime. When Marbo is around, you know poor MC will never be back.
*Sly Marbo!...IS RIGHT HEEERREEE!
* Jesus can walk on water. Marbo can swim through solid rock.
* Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo gets discounts from Games Workshop.
* Sly Marbo gets discounts from Forge World.
* Sly Marbo's paints [[THIN YOUR PAINTS|thin themselves.]]
* Sly Marbo's finecast models won't break or bend even if thrown and stomped on.
* Sly Marbo looks good in parachute pants.
* Sly Marbo once challenged the [[Eye Of Terror]] to a staring contest, he won.
* Medusa turned to stone when she made eye contact with Sly Marbo.
* Just as The [[Emperor]] was about to finish off [[Horus]] Sly Marbo swung in and killed the whiny rebellious [[Primarch]] before Emps could, all the while yelling [[Troll|"KILLSTOLEN BITCH!"]] The Emperor was too busy dying to protest.
* Sly Marbo can touch this.
* Sly Marbo watches the Watchmen.
* The Death Star's turbolaser is powered by Sly Marbo's pubic hair. He only gave some to the Empire because Alderaan was lowering his property values.
* Sly Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
* Sly Marbo made [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]'s spare camo cloak out of fibers from his own chest hair.
* Sly Marbo doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
* Sly Marbo has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a little jar next to his bed. Don't worry; it was an ''evil'' child that had killed its parents.
* Sly Marbo stole my heart. I think he ate it.
* Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a pillow under his gun.
* Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
* Sly Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp.
* It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back The Emperor. Sadly, Marbo never cries and never will.
* Sly Marbo does not sweat from his eyes. Nothing escapes those soulless pits.
* Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fire his weapon, it's just that the ammo inside his gun is scared and fires itself.
* Krieg was never purged by the Death Korps. Marbo just ate too many beans.
* Seal team six is code for "Sly Marbo", now you can be sure Bin Laden is dead.
* The [[Tyranid]]s actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Mr. Popo. What they don't realize, however, is that Popo, in a classic pincer maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
* The [[C'tan|Nightbringer]] doesn't go outside at night because he's worried that Sly Marbo is waiting for him. He is.
* A Venomthrope bit Sly Marbo once. After 2 weeks of excruciating pain and agony, the Venomthrope died.
* Sly Marbo isn't addicted to lho sticks, lho sticks are addicted to Sly Marbo.
* Most Vindicare Assassins want to grow up to be just like Sly Marbo, most however grow up to be killed by him.
* [[Cypher]] keeps running to escape Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo is aware of that and waits for the perfect time to strike.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo punched a star with his bare fist.
* Sly Marbo conquered the whole Ultima Segmentum <s>once</s> <s>twice</s> four times.
* Sly Marbo let the dogs out.
* Sly Marbo beat [[Marneus Calgar|Papa smurf]] in arm wrestling using his little finger.
* Sly Marbo would kill the [[Marines Malevolent]] by clicking his fingers if he found out what they where really like.
* Even the [[Angry Marines]] are scared of Marbo. Even their chapter master: Temperus Maximum, can't curse or even look at him with the slightest bit of anger.
* A [[Bloodthirster]] once challenged Sly Marbo. The experience was so traumatizing that it has refused to manifest into realspace since he fears being in the same plane of existence as Marbo. Little does it realise Marbo can enter the warp at any time.
* [[Konrad Curze]] wasn't killed by a Callidus Assassin, Marbo just dropped by and kicked him in the happy sack so hard that he hasn't gotten up to this day. The Imperium just used the Assassin as a cover story to make it look like the Assassinorum still has its uses.
* [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I mindfucked an Eldar Farseer with my non-psychic mind" Straken]], and Sly Marbo regularly get together for poker night in a secret dimension which only pure essences of awesome may visit. [[Creed]] doesn't get invited because nobody likes it when a stack of ordinary poker chips turns out to be a squadron of [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Leman Russ Demolishers]], just lying in wait.
* Sly Marbo can beat a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers with a High Card 7
* When Marbo fails his armor or invulnerable save, the one who caused it gets the wound.
* Sly Marbo stared into [[Slaanesh]] him/her/itself, Slaanesh later lost his/her/it's soul to Marbo.
* Sly Marbo took a stroll through the Gardens of [[Nurgle]], it was left sterilized and lemony fresh.
* Sly Marbo gave [[Nurgle]] the clap.
* Sly Marbo got into [[Tzeentch]]'s forbidden library, blindfolded, in just 5 seconds. And only because he gave the library a 4.9 second head start.
* [[Khorne]] didn't cause the endless chasm in his brass citadel out of rage, Marbo just put his foot down in front of Khorne's throne.
* Sly Marbo once gave a riddle to the [[C'tan|Deceiver]], which the Deceiver still haven't solved.
* [[Khaine|Khaela Mensha Khaine]] only shattered into a bajillion pieces after Marbo punched him in the gut.
* [[Horus]] is said to have killed [[Sanguinius]] because the Angel was tired from battle. That battle was losing an arm wrestling match with Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo could heal [[Roboute Guilliman]] and [[Lion El'Jonson]]. Experience has just taught him they won't be awesome enough to receive it.
*The Winter Soldier is one of the most powerful assasins in the Marvel universe. Sly Marbo taught the Winter Soldier in 30 minutes.
*[[Lorgar]] is said to be on Sicarius communing with the [[Chaos Gods]]. He's really just trying to hide from Sly Marbo.
*[[Logan Grimnar]] once challenged Sly Marbo to a drinking contest. The Great Wolf fell into a coma trying to beat Marbo. As punishment, Logan must now ride a pretty little sleigh dragged by wolves.
*[[Dante]]'s Death Mask curses anyone who looks at him. He's terrified of what will happen if he looks at Sly Marbo while wearing it.
*[[Eldrad]] takes everything into account when making a plan. Sly Marbo is the one unpredictable factor.
*Sly marbo can out dick [[Eldrad]]
*Sly Marbo once banished an entire daemonic horde by giving it a mean look.
*Marbo once dueled an [[Eversor]] assassin in close combat, he managed to literally rip the assassin in half with his bare hands and end the fight in just 10 seconds flat.
** The first 9 seconds was the Eversor assassin working up the courage to attack and running towards him.
*Whenever Marbo spits at someone, his spit turns into a plasma bolt. Whenever he fails his "Gets Hot" roll, the one he spat at explodes. (Note: Sly Marbo never fails any rolls unless he chooses to do so.)
*Sly Marbo pisses melta fire.
*Marbo can be an Ultramarine, but hates them anyway, so he doesn't care.
*The [[Administratum]] once attempted to impose a higher tithe on Catachan. Sly Marbo was sent, and now Catachan is now adeptus non. They still send troops for fun anyway.
*A Miral land shark once tried to ambush Marbo like Straken, the land shark's teeth shattered the second it bit Marbo.
*Sly Marbo makes Khorne Berzerkers take morale checks.....twice
*Marbo once defeated Tzeentch in a chess game..... with just 3 moves.
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] is actually Marbo in disguise, he just assumes this form to troll fa/tg/uys for fun.
*Marbo once killed a Hierophant bio-titan by bitch-slapping it in the face, he then killed the entire brood of Tyranids following it by ripping-off one of the dead Hierophant's scything talons and using it as a weapon.
*[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] is said to have left the Third War for Armageddon because he got bored. He really left because he learned Sly Marbo was coming.
*Sly Marbo once cut himself to see what all the fuss was about. The resulting blood formed into [[Ollanius Pius]].
*Sly Marbo's sweat is what poison lines his weapon.
*Orks wear Gork and Mork pajamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pajamas.
*Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
*A Daemon Prince once saved a Cadian regiment from Necrons; the Guardsmen were baffled until they realized the daemon had been possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo can kick [[Sisters of Battle|a Bolter Bitch]] in the balls.
*The [[Crimson Fists]] got their name after Sly Marbo played bloody knuckles with [[Pedro Kantor]].
*Sly Marbo once took Moondrakken for a joyride. He brought it back with all the radio presets changed and the seat readjusted. Kor'sarro Khan didn't dare complain.
*The [[Salamanders]] hold that [[Vulkan]] will return when they collect all nine of his sacred artifacts. So far they've recovered five. Sly Marbo has not seen fit to return the other four.
*Marbo once ate a [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]. He thought it was bland.
*Sly Marbo once broke the battlements of Medrengard in an hour.
*Sly Marbo was once on a planet subjected to virus bombing. Sly Marbo's immune system killed the viruses before they infected him. And then his immune system killed everyone else on the planet.
*Sly Marbo taught tactics to - wait, what's that Titan doing there?
[[Creed|"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED"]]
*Sly Marbo can strangle you with a cordless Vox.
*Sly Marbo has constipation issues, because he knows his feces could be used to track him in the field.
*[[Indrick Boreale]] once spoke Sly Marbo's name and the sheer awesomeness fixed his speech impediment.
*A greater Daemon once possessed Sly Marbo… No one knows what happened to it.
*Sly Marbo doesn't need meltabombs. He just pisses on a tank and it explodes.
*The Necrons went into stasis because Marbo was killing everything else.
*Any time a Farseer says "Just as planned", Marbo will be standing behind them with murder in his eyes.
*Sly Marbo's favorite sandwich is a Catachan Barking Toad between two meltabombs.
*Sly Marbo is the stig.
*Sly Marbo is the senate.
*Sly Marbo once traveled back in time and killed the Arch-Heretic Matt Ward before he worked at GW. He only brought him back to life after he decided life without him would be boring.
*Sly Marbo tried to fix Age of Sigmar. Even Sly Marbo has his limits.
*Sly Marbo's glare is treated as a Plasma Blastgun with the rate of fire of a Punisher Gatling Cannon.
*Kharn The Betrayer once fought Marbo. Kharn was found embedded in the hull of an orbiting starship. He took the defeat pretty well.
*Plasma weapons use a synthetic form of Marbo's testosterone. In its natural state it is white-hot and obliterates everything it touches.
*Sly Marbo once had intestinal parasites. Once he shat them out they became known as Catachan Devils.
*Marbo once allowed a Guard player to use his mini, the Necron player he fought wasn't allowed to take Reanimation Protocol rolls, the Tau player he fought got into melee and the Daemon player he fought tried and failed to dance An'ggrath around the map out of Marbo's reach.
*Slaanesh needs to masturbate every time Sly Marbo kills a [[Carnifex]]. Chaos Realm suffers chronic floodings.
*Sly Marbo stole the Blood Ravens' home planet.
*Sly Marbo's Internet seems slow. That's just because he's faster than it.
*Sly Marbo gives out a special rule... Feel MORE Pain.
*The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard, Sly Marbo was already there. And he brought a better milkshake.
*Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
*If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
*You are only alive because Sly Marbo is too busy to kill you.
*Sly Marbo can drown a fish.
*Sly Marbo simply walks into Mordor.
*A Lictor once tried to ambush Sly Marbo while he was waiting; it did not expect Marbo to ambush it while ambushing him.
*Marbo can seduce Slaaneshi [[Daemonettes]] at will. After they do the dirty, Sly doesn't have to kill them because they're already dead from ecstasy (and not the drug).
*After Sly Marbo killed a Tyranid swarm out of boredom, the Swarmlord was deployed to kill Marbo. After six months of trying (and dying), the Swarmlord finally gave up and stopped reincarnating.
*Sly Marbo’s testicles are of such might they ignore armor saves in close combat.
* The only reason Sly Marbo isn't a primarch is because it would be a demotion. The same with being a Daemon Prince.
* Khorne used to have a gold pedestal just for Marbo's skull. He has since melted it down and sold it at a Cash-4-Gold shop.
* When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. When Sly Marbo stares into the abyss, the abyss averts its gaze to the left.
* Sly Marbo bowls overhand.
* When Sly Marbo has to stitch up a deep gash, he doesn't use a needle and thread, he uses a tent spike and bailing wire and those only work with the strength of Marbo himself behind them.
* Trayzn's 'hood' is a neck brace. Marbo effortlessly sniffed out the real Trazyn and ripped his spine out. Trayzn still hasn't gotten it back.
* Sly Marbo once snuck up on [[Lucius]] the Eternal and slit his throat from behind. Lucius was unable to possess him, as Sly Marbo's thirst for killing can never be satisfied.
* Sly Marbo once got into a theological debate with [[Erebus]], and pointed out thirty-nine logical fallacies in the Book of Lorgar, which Erebus was unable to explain.
* SLY MARBO OWNS THE ONLY COPY OF WARHAMMER FANTASY NINTH EDITION. HE'S GOT A SILVER GOLDEN DEMON TROPHY FOR HIS CLANRATS.
* The Big Bang was Sly Marbo snapping his fingers.
* [[Darnath Lysander]] once struck Sly Marbo with the "Hammer of Dorn". Not only did the Hammer break on impact with Marbo, but so did Lysander's storm shield, Terminator armor, and pride.
* Sly Marbo once hugged [[Typhus]]. Not only did he remain clean of disease, but his sweat infected the Destroyer Plague in Typhus's body.
* The Adeptus Mechanicus once dug deep underground in an attempt to find a [[Necron]] tomb. They found Sly Marbo instead, ruining his power <s>nap</s> wait. By the end of the day the entire ''star system'' was devoid of all life.
* The reason Malal/Malice is no longer mentioned in Canon is because he ran afoul of Sly Marbo.
* The Outsider would come back to our galaxy if Sly Marbo wasn't waiting for him.
* When the Space Marines are in trouble, the Legion of the Damned come to their rescue. When the Legion of the Damned are in trouble, Sly Marbo come to their rescue.
* Contrary to popular belief, Doombreed is not camera shy, it’s just that he foolishly thinks Sly Marbo doesn't know what he looks like.
* Sly Marbo won a staring contest with Mephiston.
* Nemesis [[Dreadknights]] are believed to be ancient pieces of xenos tech; they're actually Sly Marbo's childhood toys.
*Marbo once broke an Eldar soulstone but Slaanesh got nothing because he grabbed the soul first. He's still got it on him.
*Contrary to popular belief, it is unknown if Sly Marbo is bulletproof. Whenever someone fires at him, the bullet/bolt/plasma/las/shuriken stops twenty centimeters from Marbo, turns 180 degrees, and hits the person who fired the shot.
*Sly Marbo controls all of [[Games Workshop]]'s prices. He's just waiting for the right time to lower them.
*Being headbutted by Ghazghkull is like being struck by a mag-train, being poked by Sly Marbo is like being smacked by an Imperator class titan.
*The Adeptus Mechanicus is looking for the STCs. Marbo has most of them in a flash drive that the AdMech knows about but doesn't dare lay claim to it.
*Sly Marbo is the one person [[Alpharius|Alpharius]] never confuses.
*He knows where all the Tomb Worlds are. This is because he destroyed most of them.
*Sly Marbo takes on [[Genestealers]] in close combat for fun.
*Sly Marbo uses his Uplifting Primer as toilet paper. No commissar would dare execute him for this.
*The [[Dark Eldar]] didn't know what pain was until they met Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo Deep Strikes, everything else has to roll scatter die, including the terrain itself.
*A Tau Ethereal can order entire Cadres to commit mass suicide. Marbo can make entire Tau planets kill themselves by looking at them funny.
*Sly Marbo once took on two Stompas in a no DQ one-on-tag handicap match with one arm tied behind his back. Records are scarce, but according to eyewitness reports he German suplexed them both for three hours straight before getting bored and wandering off to find a Mega Gargant to fight.
*The Kroot once conspired a plan to eat Sly Marbo and use his DNA to create perfect Kroot warriors. Marbo fried them in batter and sprinkled them with eleven herbs and spices, never revealing what the eleventh one was (but the first ten herbs and spices were all steak).
*Sly Marbo doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the planet down.
*What colour is Sly Marbo's blood? Trick question - nobody has ever seen Sly Marbo bleed.
*Sly Marbo never takes his Feel No Pain roll. He doesn't understand what this "pain" issue is everyone else is struggling with.
*Sly Marbo is the original owner of Blood Reaver, [[Flesh Tearers|Gabriel Seth's]] chainsword. Sly Marbo used it as a toothbrush, but it wasn't powerful enough so he let Seth borrow it.
*Sly Marbo stuffed his mattress with those [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs|100 missing]] [[Baneblade|Baneblades]]. It's still too soft for him.
*Sly Marbo doesn't kill everything in the galaxy because it's funny watching them try to kill him.
*Sly Marbo can fold suns in half.
*Sly Marbo once entered a Dark Angels rap battle. All who witnessed his mad skills on the mic perished. The only reason his opponent survived is because he ran as soon as he heard Sly Marbo's first breath into the mic. Smart man.
*Dark Eldar aren't hiding from Slaanesh in the webway, they're hiding from Sly Marbo.
*Marbo never dies, he just wants to be a good sport and let them win.
*Marbo once challenged [[Castor|Lord General Castor]] to a duel to see which could slay a Carnifex first. Marbo lost, but only because he spent the last few seconds of his kill's life taunting it.
*Sly Marbo is the Angry Marines primarch.
*Sly Marbo once bro-fisted a Imperator Titan. All that remains of said titan was the hellstorm cannon on Kronus.
*Khorne spills blood for Sly Marbo.
*Every Sister of Battle is crazy with lust for Marbo. He doesn't take advantage of that because he's a gentleman and it would distract them from their job.
*Sly Marbo can "out-CREEEEEED!" Creed; Marbo lets Creed do it when he can't be bothered to himself.
*The Hive Mind of the Tyranids drives people insane because IT is insane too. Said insanity came about when Marbo let it psychically touch his mind.
*Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one. (And I can too... OH SHIT! FTHWREGWARBLBLBLBL...)
*Sly Marbo is Roboute Guilliman's [[Spiritual Liege]].
*Sly Marbo is America and so can you.
*Sly Marbo doesn't seize the initiative, the initiative is given to him.
*Sly Marbo's punches ignore Invulnerable Saves.
*Sly Marbo powers the Morphin' Grid.
*Sly Marbo is the reason [[Matthew Ward]] quit working at Games Workshop. Now that he's gone, Marbo's planning on tormenting that [[Robin Cruddace]] prick next...
*Sly Marbo let Matt Ward go back to Games Workshop in exchange for getting rules in Shadow War: Armageddon.
*The only way to banish Sly Marbo is to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. And even then you can't be sure.
*He got his own squad after what happened last night.
*Sly Marbo is the one who killed Zordon! Andros was a cover story.
*Sly Marbo stalks Slenderman.
*Supernovae don't exist, it is just Sly Marbo's farts.
* The Celestial Orrery is actually one of Sly Marbo's kidney stones.
* Sly Marbo was once shot by a Nova Cannon before, after the devastating explosion, the Nova Cannon as well as the entire Imperial Navy in the sector died.
* A prophecy was announced recently in the Imperium, if Sly Marbo, [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "My bionic fists can bitch-slap Titans for Tuesday" Straken]], [[Creed]], [[Commissar Ciaphas Cain]], [[Commissar Holt]], [[Commissar Fucklaw]], [[Commissar Yarrick]], [[Sturnn|General Sturnn]], [[Merrick]], [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Castor|Lord General Castor]], [[Lord Solar Macharius]] and [[Ollanius Pius]] ever teamed up, they would destroy all four Chaos Gods, shatter reality and break open the fourth-wall while punching you in the face as an extra measure (You will be honored if you WERE punched in the face by these guys, admit it, you know it will be true).
* Sly Marbo is secretly the Six Samurai.
* Sly Marbo once pissed into the oil tank of a truck, that truck was then used as inspiration to make the baneblade.
* Sly Marbo beat Slaanesh and Doomrider in a cocaine and orgy competition while <s>sleeping</s> waiting.
* Sly Marbo once built a robot. That robot is known as the Void Dragon.
* Sly Marbo once banished Skarbrand back to the Warp.
* Sly Marbo is actually THE <s> Dragonborn </s>.
* Sly Marbo is not the Dragonborn, he was just thirsty, and human blood was getting plain.
* Sly Marbo does not have a soul, he ate it out of boredom. Even if he had one, he still wouldn't feel anything.
* Sly Marbo turned my Battle Brother into [[Chaos Spawn| the creature that shall not be named.]]
* Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one, though whoever hears him say it will become on-WAIT NOOOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGARGKAOPKAERO
* Sly Marbo occasionally indulges himself in a grilled cheese after he is done bitch-slapping Rowboat Jellyfan with his ceramite balls.
* Sly Marbo once almost made a Chuck Norris joke, but then didn't because Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny.
* When Sly Marbo builds models, he is really building the Mechanicus' Imperator Titans.
* Sly Marbo actually shits out Demolisher Shells.
* Sly Marbo broke into the Black Library, told Cegorach how to actually be funny, and then punched Ahriman in the face.
* Sly Marbo has turned many an Ultramarine into a heretic. His manly jawline, well defined biceps, and thousand yard stare seem to have found a trait not previously noted from their geneseed. That is, to put it simply: Sly Marbo turns Ultramarines gay.
* While anyone else chews tobacco, Sly Marbo chews glass.
* Sly Marbo is deadly to vampires, werewolves, zombies and any other undead. And regular dead. And not dead.
* Sly Marbo won the game. (Goddamn it, I lost the game)
* [[Gabriel Seth]] was in a brawl with Marbo, when Emperor knows how, he found an opening in his guard and tried to kick him in the balls. Not only did he break a leg in an attempt, Marbo was so pissed off that most of the Flesh Tearers are now overcome with black rage .
* Sly Marbo once stopped a [[Black Crusade]] by tricking the Chaos Lord leading it into saying "You and what Hulk?" Said Chaos Lord and his warband were then crushed by a [[Space Hulk]] thrown at them by the Incredible Hulk (who was really sly marbo wearing green paint).
* Lukas the Trickster slept with a dozen women in a single night. For Sly Marbo, that's a dry spell.
* Sly Marbo once went to the Crucibael in Commorragh during a major performance by the Cult of Strife and Lelith Hesperax herself. Every trap in the arena broke upon impact with Marbo. Every attack creature died from a single punch from Marbo. Every male Wych was too scared to fight him. Every female Wych stopped fighting and offered themselves to him sexually, but by that point Sly Marbo was bored and walked out of the arena and no one could stop him. Vect let it slide because he got to glut on the pain Marbo inflicted and he knew Marbo couldn't be stopped. Lelith on the other hand swore to hunt Marbo down; before he left, Marbo patted Lelith on the butt and gave her a series of orgasms more pleasurable than any pain high, and she's been chasing him ever since for more.
* Sly Marbo can emerge from a Mandrake's shadow or the brightest light.
* The Emprah's stats are all E. Sly Marbo's stats are all E^E.
* Sly Marbo once visited the Warhammer World a long time ago; this event is known to us as the coming of the Old Ones.
* Sly Marbo is never cut from a Codex - he just chooses to go back into the shadows to stalk you.
* It's said that Bjorn the Fell-Handed is the oldest Space Marine. Marbo was his babysitter.
* Trazyn has to change his collection every century or so because Marbo keeps asking for his toys back.
* Sly Marbo knows EXACTLY where Carmen Sandiego is. He hid the body.
* Sly Marbo knows where you're not; safe.
* The Emperor kneels before no man. But then again, calling Marbo a man is hardly fair.
* The Primarchs were just Marbo playing fancy dresses.
* The Primarchs weren't stolen by chaos, they were running from their grandfather - Sly Marbo.
* Rumor has it that the reason Sly Marbo isn't in the AM Codex is because he'll get his own multi-part E-Codex just to describe his countless acts of MANLINESS. He will also count as his own army.
* Sly Marbo once had an arm wrestling match with [[Abbadon]], with the loser's arms as the bet. [[Failbaddon|You know how it ended]].
* Sly Marbo's section was removed from the codex in a vain attempt by Games Workshop to delay his wrath for their many sins against the Guard. They have failed.
* Sly Marbo ate Schrodinger's Cat, while it was both dead and alive.
* Sly Marbo sheds his skin every month. He hands the skin over to the Adeptus Mechanicus, who then use it to reinforce suits of Tartaros-pattern [[Terminator]] armour. It is assumed that most of these are in the possession of the [[Minotaurs]].
*Sky Marbo destroyed all the dolphins.
* Sly Marbo killed the dinosaurs when one stole and ate his lunch, but not before saving a clutch of T-rex eggs.
* Sly Marbo has never killed a man. He just beats them so bad they are turned to little girls before they die.
* Sly Marbo is the name of [[Doctor Who|the Doctor]]. The Daleks' racism is to mask their insecurity that they'll never be as good as Marbo.
* The spaceballs brake for nobody. Except Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo was the one who built a text to speech device for the Emperor.
* Marbo once banged a Dominatrix and the product was the Swarmlord.
* Sly Marbo can release Half Life 3. He just chooses not to.
* Sly Marbo beat Doomrider in a crack-snorting contest.
* Sly Marbo can out-transform Optimus Prime.
* Sly Marbo talks about Fight Club.
* Sly Marbo also talks about Popo's training.
* Sly Marbo has a pet Carnifex called Cuddles, although most know him as Old One Eye.
* [[Kaldor Draigo]] isn't trapped in the warp. He's hiding from Marbo.
* Black holes are created every time Sly Marbo rips his way into our universe and the universe is too scared to seal the breaches.
* Sly Marbo can outsmart bullets.
* Sly Marbo's eyes made flamethrowers obsolete.
* Jesus Christ saves souls. Sly Marbo saves everything else.
* Sly Marbo can slam a revolving door.
* Death had a near-Sly Marbo experience.
* Sly Marbo will never get a heart attack. His heart isn't stupid enough to attack him.
* There is no Theory of Evolution. Just a list of animals Sly Marbo allows to live.
* Sly Marbo flashed before Life's eyes.
* Sly Marbo doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.
* Sly Marbo's favorite color is blood.
* Sly Marbo can smack air.
* Sly Marbo can cut apart the sky.
* Sly Marbo can eat water.
* Sly Marbo solved Imotekh's favorite Tessaract Labyrinth with an abacus.
* Sly Marbo shot a man with a knife.
* Sly Marbo can divide by zero.
* Sly Marbo protects his air bags in car accidents.
* One of Sly Marbo's discarded fingernails fell into the real world from the Warp. It reformatted into Audie Murphy.
* Commander [[Farsight]] found one of Sly's discarded dinner knifes on a planet that he had a picnic on. Said knife was the Dawn Blade, and the previously verdant and inhabited world became a dead world after what Sly did after lunch.
* Sly Marbo knows how Gordon Freeman and Chell sound like.
* Sly Marbo once ran a 0-second mile. Than did it again, just to piss off physics.
* All the skulls in Khorne's realm actually belong to Sly Marbo. Khorne just minds them for him.
* The reason the Eldar Phoenix Lords are immortal is truly because Sly Marbo finds them tolerable enough to keep alive; whenever one dies he performs CPR, as CPR from Sly Marbo can raise the dead.
* A Commissar tried to execute Sly Marbo. The bolter round was so scared it backfired and shot the Commissar in the head.
* Sly Marbo uses a live <s>Genestealer</s> Broodlord as a backscratcher.
* Sly Marbo can believe it's not butter.
* Sly Marbo shaves by punching himself in the face as they only thing that can cut Sly Marbo is Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo is the true king of Westeros.
* Sly Marbo trained Discord and Q out of boredom.
* Sly Marbo drinks distilled Warp.
* Sly Marbo once saw his life flash before his eyes, it was accredited as film of the millenium.
* People say Sly Marbo defies physics, but really physics just obey Sly Marbo.
* Chaos once fell to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo taught [[Simo Hayha]] how to snipe. It turns out one of the Emperor's early titles was "White Death."
* They say that there are only two ways to get the entire [[Deathwing]] company into a Mini Cooper, one is by telling them that [[Cypher]] is in the glovebox. Sly Marbo is the other one.
* Sly Marbo is behind you right now, even if you're against a wall.
* Sly Marbo once went back in time, during which, a hair fell off his chest. That hair grew up to be Teddy Roosevelt.
* Sly Marbo doesn't die from bullets, mainly because they are all scared shitless.
* The only time a lasgun is useful is when Sly Marbo uses it.
* Soaking a lasgun's power pack in Sly Marbo's sweat will give it Exterminatus-level power.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fail his Morale checks. He gets bored and wanders off. No one is brave/stupid enough to stop him.
* Sly Marbo never dies. He <s>falls asleep</s> waits in combat and no one dares to acknowledge his body.
* Sly Marbo had sex before his father.
* The Fallen Angels are hiding from Sly Marbo.
* No Plasma weapon dares to overheat in Sly Marbo's hands.
* Sly Marbo is the one who put Lord Tirek in Tartarus, then broke him out years later.
* Sly Marbo is the Mighty Morphin White Ranger.
* Sly Marbo once ate a bowl of Milk without any milk.
* Sly Marbo has banged Lelith Hesperax. The reason Lelith rarely talks is because she has laryngitis from all the screaming in ecstasy she did throughout the experience.
* Unicron fears Marbo, for he is the matrix.
* In America, Sly Marbo kills You. In Soviet Russia, Sly Marbo still kills You.
* Sly Marbo can '''''SHOOT WHILE MOVING!!'''''.
* Sly Marbo's name is a killing sound.
* There is an urban legend in the Guard that if you say Sly Marbo's name three times in front of a mirror, Sly Marbo will appear and slit your reflection's throat. This has never been confirmed, as nobody has ever survived saying Sly Marbo's name twice.
* The Emperor was created in 8000 BC when hundreds of shaman were packed into a Volkswagen by Sly Marbo.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo tried to break his previous packing-people-into-a-Volkswagen record, this time using Eldar.
* The Astral Knights only managed to penetrate the World Engine's void shields because Sly Marbo gave them a push.
* Sly Marbo once gave the Blood Ravens a gift, but only because watching them fail to steal it from him stopped being funny.
* When Sly Marbo heard about Daemonic possession, he decided that it sounded like a challenge and went to the Eye of Terror to experience it first hand. However, he got bored after all the Daemons he forced himself into exploded before he could make them do stuff.
* Sly Marbo is a psyker so powerful, the Greeks had to invent a new alphabet to classify him.
* Sly Marbo taught Macgyver everything he knows, except how to kill. That knowledge was never meant for mortal men.
* Dark Matter is incredibly difficult to detect because it has been hiding from Sly Marbo ever since he caused the Big Bang.
* The Big Crunch will never happen, because the Universe is desperately trying to run from Sly Marbo, thus exceeding the escape velocity.
* Sly Marbo has the only complete map of the Webway tattooed on his penis.
* Ships carrying Sly Marbo through the Warp only turn their Gellar fields on to protect the Warp from him, it doesn't help at all.
* Sly Marbo can play Ride of the Valkyries on bagpipes without bagpipes.
* Sly Marbo caught them all. Twice.
* Sly Marbo finished the Neverending Story.
* When Sly Marbo played Chaos Rising, there was no traitor.
* Sly Marbo can never have the Monster Hunter rule. They're too easy.
* Sly Marbo CAN assault a zooming flier with his bare hands.
* Demons disappear when Sly Marbo's around. He's not a Blank or anything, they just shit themselves when they realize he's there.
* A dying Necron Lord once told Marbo he'd be back. Marbo said No. He stayed dead.
* You never roll reserve for Sly Marbo. He shows up whenever he feels like it.
* Asurmen taught Karandras how to fight. Sly Marbo taught him how to be sneaky. Living in perpetual fear for your life will do that.
* Jain Zar originally called her aspect the Banshees. One night with Sly Marbo and she just couldn't stop Howling though.
* Fuegan was inspired to create the Fire Dragons after Sly Marbo let him light his cigar.
* Sly Marbo outplayed an entire Noise Marine warband using only an air guitar. He then opened a Webway portal and left by playing Stairway to Heaven.
* Sly Marbo wondered what it would be like if everyone lived in medieval times. So he used some of the Old One's left over stuff and made Warhammer Fantasy.
* A Lord of Change once tried to make Sly Marbo less awesome. Tzeentch caught wind of this and killed him. There are some things that can never change.
* Sly Marbo never accepts promotions. He's already everyone's boss.
* Sly Marbo gave his father "the talk".
* Sly Marbo once brought a knife to a gun fight to even the odds.
* Sly Marbo's tree houses have fully furnished basements.
* When Sly Marbo grabs the Blade of Antwyr it has to resist being possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo's favorite pet is named Ickle Snootums and follows his every command. Said pet is also a Greater Khornate Daemon.
* Sly Marbo wakes his alarm clock up in the morning.
* A Genestealer tried to infect Sly Marbo, it went back to the brood and started a Sly Marbo cult.
* Sly Marbo disproved that you are what you eat. If it was true he would be Doombreed.
* Sly Marbo skips over step one, two and three. He goes straight to profit.
* Sly Marbo calmed Khorne down, made Slaanesh chaste, made Nurgle sneeze, made Tzeench forget his plans.
* Sly Marbo can describe the taste of water.
* Tyranids didn't eat the Squats, it was Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo went to Khorne's Brass Keep and shook hands with [[Tuska Daemon-Killa]]. Tuska became a perpetual.
* Khaine once tried to touch Sly Marbo, his hand is still bleeding to this day.
* Even [[Assholetep]] do not dare be an asshole with Sly Marbo.
* Dorn gave up designing the perfect fortress when he remembered to factor in Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo is the only one who can defeat [[Chapter Master Smashfucker]] in 1 turn.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y| AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
* The '''MURDER SWORD''' is just Sly's old Boy Scout pocket knife.
* Pepperidge Farm doesn't remember Sly Marbo. But Sly Marbo remembers them.
* The Black Library? Sly Marbo used to go to there all the time during his childhood.
* Sly Marbo is the one who knocks.
* The real reason for fall of the Eldar and the eye of terror creation was that the Khaine was stupid enough to challenge Marbo to a boxing match. The first punch caused the fall of the Eldar and ripped a hole in the fabric of reality.
* Sly Marbo can take off from a planet without needing transportation. This is possible because gravity is too scared to stop him.
* Sly Marbo brings a knife to a Titan fight. Needless to say he still wins.
* When monsters go to bed, they check to see if Marbo is there. They never find him even if he is there.
* Sly Marbo became a Wulfen and got affected by the Black Rage, despite not been a Space Wolf or Blood Angel, and cured himself of both.
* Cocaine gets addicted to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo gets a massage using a thunder hammer.
* On a visit to Terra, Marbo sneezed. The Primarchs were blown across the galaxy as a result, forcing the Emperor to begin the Great Crusade to search for them.
* In 1996, terrorists tried to hijack a local flight. Sly Marbo hijacked them.
* Sly Marbo once played final fantasy 7, he pressed x to issue his first attack and beat the game.
* Sly Marbo is rumored to have <s>survived</s> ''dominated'' in sexual intercourse with Slaanesh itself.
** This rumor is indeed a fact. In hindsight Sly regards Slaanesh as an "easy" in bed (and everywhere else).
* Sly Marbo IS enough dakka.
* Lord Solar Macharius once brought down a fortress with a single word, Sly Marbo once brought down an entire country with one letter.
* It is said that when Vegeta lost the dragonball his rage could be felt across space, time and 20 years into the future. When Sly Marbo got angry his rage created the Warhammer 40,000 universe.
*The quote "all your base are belong to us" is a mistranslation, they actually meant to say "All our bases are belong to Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo once fought Deadpool. They got bored after three days and pranked Commissar Yarrick and Wolverine after eating a mountain of chimichangas.
*Sly Marbo does not fear death, death fears Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo was once attacked by Tyranids. As soon as one bit him, the entire swarm died instantly.
*Sly Marbo and Creed once played chess. Creed's taktikul jeenyis was no match for Sly Marbo's pure badassery.
*Sly Marbo shaves his balls with an angle grinder.
*Sly Marbo likes his meat so rare that he only eats Primarchs. That's why two are unknown.
*Sly Marbo once poked the Eye of Terror.
*Sly Marbo can catch a cold without getting sick.
*Baron Brixius has less health than Sly Marbo.
*In space, no one can hear you scream. Except for Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo is secretly in a shouting match against Khorne and all of the Orks which has lasted since the time of the old ones. Update, Sly Marbo won.
*Sly Marbo is what actually killed Squats.
*Sly Marbo can cross the streams.
*Sly Marbo can call Mr. Popo "Black man".
*Sly Marbo knows how all those squares make a circle. Also he wants his gallon of acid back.
*Sly Marbo is the only one who can make America great again.
**Sly Marbo put Hilary in the presidential election to troll [[/pol/]], then let Trump win because he got annoyed by the gloating of some leftists.
*All these Sly Marbo facts are dumb. If they were real he would appear behind me right now and repeatedly smash my head against my keybayysdfy& yavartvc&c&cyyn srgípan aetj- aťtn q.
*Sly Marbo can't be killed by a crossbow in Shewsbury because he's the one holding it.
*Some Tau found some of Sly Marbo's left over weed. They're now the Etheral Caste.
*Imperial children have posters of space marines in their rooms. Space marines have posters of Marbo in theirs.
*Sly Marbo already beat Half-Life 3.
*Sly Marbo built the pylons of Cadia, but gave them to Trazyn the Infinite as they weren't big enough.
*Sly Marbo played SONNY 3 and wasn't disappointed.
*Colonel Jurten didn't nuke Krieg into a Death World, he just called in a favor from Sly Marbo.
*If you say 'Sly Marbo' three times in front of a mirror, nothing will happen... until Sly Marbo causes exterminatus on that planet.
*sly marbo thinks capital letters are for losers.
*Sylvester Stallone once called Marbo a ripoff and an imposter. He hasn't been able to talk properly since....
*Rogal Dorn may have reviewed Codex Astartes, but Sly Marbo reviewed Lectitio Divinitatus (he gave it 4/10 because it didn't mention any of the facts above).
*Sly Marbo actually bit off Straken's arm. Straken just made up the land shark story because he's too scared of Sly Marbo to tattle on him.
*Sly Marbo chews plutonium and spits out meltabeams.
*Sly Marbo is the Doomguy. [[Doom]] is just the story of his vacation in the Eye of Terror.
*Sly Marbo invented cheese. He then renamed it Rogal Dorn.
*Sly Marbo is an Emperor-damned sexual Tyrannosaurus.
*Sly Marbo is an extreme couponer.
*Sly Marbo gets more girls than James T Kirk. Kirk only gets that many women because a drop of Sly Marbo's sweat landed in his cologne once.
*Sly Marbo's breakfast cereal alone has a power level over 9000
*Sly Marbo brushes his teeth with vortex grenades.
*They say Chuck Norris can kill someone with his stare, but Sly Marbo can kill you just by thinking about you. That means that he can kill you from anywhere at any ti:6,&skr{.
*Sly Marbo is one of the missing Primarchs.
*Sly Marbo made Uplay register at his online service.
*Sly Marbo is the danger.
*Some attack helicopters sexually identify as Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo has lost Russian Roulette 64,543 times against a Warhound Titan Plasma Cannon. His win rate on the other hand is over 9001^9001
*Sly Marbo once enacted Exterminatus upon a daemon world by staring it down.
*Sly Marbo can find Corvus Corax in a game of Hide And Seek.
*Sly Marbo wears power armour to bed.
*[[Carlos McConnell]] claims to be Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo lets him believe that while he takes the virginity of Carlos's catgirl crew.
*Sly Marbo can create a rock so heavy he cannot lift it.
*Sly Marbo can lift that rock. After gold-plating it.
*Sly Marbo can out-bald Indrick Boreale, even with hair.
*Horus gave up fighting the Emperor when he realised he'd have to fight Sly Marbo
*Sly Marbo can move freely during ZA WARUDO.
*Sly Marbo gave [[Belisarius Cawl]] hints on how to build the Armor of Fate. It took him nearly 10,000 years to do it. Sly would have done it in less than 10,000 seconds.
*Sly Marbo could bitchslap [[Ynnead]] to death, but hasn't done so because he wants to see who would win in a fight between Ynnead and Slaanesh.
*The reason it's taken 10,000 years for people to realize that creating Super Space Marines is a good idea is that Sly Marbo can hide himself in peoples memories.
*Sly Marbo once let Trazyn capture him in a stasis field just to see what happened. He escaped with time to place a body double.
**Then he sent Trazyn a letter telling him what he did. Trazyn still has the body double, because Sly Marbo felt sorry for him.
*Sly Marbo's not just a new model for Shadow War: Armageddon, he's an entirely new faction.
*Sly Marbo brushes his teeth with Grombrindal's beard when the vortex grenades don't cut it.
*Sly Marbo knows what happened to Agent Georgia.
*Sly Marbo Abducts Xenos and Probes them.
*Primaris Marines were made after the new model of Sly Marbo in all his glory. Sly's disappointed in them already.
*Sly Marbo can beat Grombrindal in a drinking contest, but Grombrindal laughs it off.
*Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Sly Marbo each night, but never finds him, because he's behind you.
*Sly Marbo is too subtle for [[Oinkbane]].
*It's said that it took Belisarius Cawl 10,000 years to make the Primaris Space Marines. It's because it took him that long to find Sly Marbo.
*Belisarius Cawl failed to make the true Primaris Space Marines. He couldn't clone Sly Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo Sneezes, it is Strength D.
*Everyone fears the Inquisition. The Inquisition fears Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo forged himself out of John Cena, Chuck Norris and a Nokia cellphone.
*Sly Marbo can never earn qualifications or take an exam for his work is so great that no examiner is qualified to review it, besides Sly Marbo of course.
*Sly Marbo went back in time and killed his great grandfather, the resulting paradox barely changed anything as even time itself does not have the balls to erase Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo was all four hoursmen of the apocolypse at once, he was fired by Death for being too hardcore. Death regretted this.
*Sly Marbo created the warp when he was undergoing the "emo phase"
*Ice is just diamond that found out about Sly Marbo.
*Magnus the Red once challenged Marbo to a motorbike race, thinking that he could stop time with his powers, but Marbo didn't slow down when he did so resulting in the greatest discrepancy between 1st and 2nd place time in the history of motorcycling.
*The Cadian gate fell because Sly Marbo was busy elsewhere.
*Chuck Norris's killer, Bruce Lee, once challenged Sly Marbo to a duel. We have a clue as to what happened next, cause we can't find Bruce Lee or Sly Marbo. All we found was the remains of who knows how many solar systems......
*Solar eclipses go blind from staring at Sly Marbo
*When Khaldor Draigo finally opens the box that contains the Terminus Decree, it reveals Sly Marbo's phone number.
*On Marbo's Tinder profile, swiping left is the same as swiping right.
*Sly Marbo always has the high ground. When he doesn't, he tilts the planet.
*Skarbrand stays in a doorframe because Sly Marbo is outside. And inside.
*The Cicatrix Maledictum was created when Marbo struck a home run across the galaxy
*Sly Marbo secretly mentored Kitten, so he could beat Tzeentch in Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker.
*Sly Marbo once beat Khorne at arm wrestling, while having both hands tied behind his back.
*Sly Marbo is secretly fucking Isha behind Nurgle's back.
*Some people say Orks had a beautiful, intricate language. That was before they fought against Sly Marbo.
*The Tau were the best melee fighters in the galaxy until Sly marbo arrived.
*Sly Marbo will kill every enemy of the Imperium just as soon as 999M41 ends.
*Sly Marbo is the reason why the Xeelee engage in timetravel warfare; it's just to get away from him (they aren't successful), (the Photino Birds are fighting the Xeelee because they think the Xeelee will lead Marbo to them).
*Sly Marbo beats the Culture in their microsecond battles since he has the reaction speed of an ominpotent being.
*Sly Marbo once fucked a Tau woman. She later gave birth to Shas'O'Kais.
*The opening scene, of Saving Private Ryan, isn't a depiction of an ancient Terran war it is the depiction of Sly Marbo playing dodge ball
*Remember that picture of D-Day when there was a man carrying a sword...... That's Sly Marbo going on his daily stroll.
*The reason Shadowsun left Kitten was because she met Sly Marbo
* Boss Snikrot and Sly Marbo once played hide and seek. Snikrot has yet to find Marbo. Marbo's been hiding behind him the whole time.
* Marbo screams AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA all the time because he is speaking in a language too evolved for mere mortals to understand.
* Marbo raided the Slanneshmas special not only because Lucius called him up, but also because Bile hadn't given him that five bucks he owes the man! And because that Chaotic Sister of Battle who he can't take seriously is a wonder in bed. (Her name is Miriael Sabathiel and I guess she must use her crazy Daemon tongue, because her armour is fused to her skin.)
* Marbo's ability aren't really booby traps, they're actually places he told the enemy not to go to. Whenever an enemy enters the cover he designated; Marbo plummets from the sky like a drop pod from to engage the poor sods who dare defy him, all the while screaming at the top of his voice. The best thing about this is that even when he's forced off the field; he'll ''still'' do it anyway.
*[[Corvus Corax]] owes Sly Marbo a favor
*Sly Marbo is rumored to be one of the many fragments of The God Emperors soul. But that’s obviously not true because Sly Marbo is way more powerful than even the whole God Emperor.
*Sly Marbo once had sex with a tank, the resulting offspring became Joakim Broden, lead singer of Sabaton.
*Sly Marbo's never hot, even when he's on the sun
*If loyal guardsman will try to befriend Sly Marbo, they'll instantly become Catachan jungle fighter
*Sly Marbo wanted a tan, so he got a starship to throw him through the core of a star... it worked somewhat, where nothing else did.
*Sly Marbo is the reason Urien Rakarth's regeneration process is faulty. Once Marbo killed him, and it hasn't worked right since then.
*Sly Marbo is okay with the Imperium for allying with the Ynnari because Yvraine is an ex-lover of his. Yvraine's crush on Roboute is her trying to find the next best lay to Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo beat a Carnifex, a Squiggoth and a Bloodthirster in a 3-1 fight. He won by tying them together with a Trygon and a Mawloc.
*Eversor assassins refuse to attack Sly Marbo.
*The closest Sly Marbo has come to smiling is when Cegorach told him the world's funniest joke.
*Inquisitor Valeria wasn't BLAM!ed for consorting with Trazyn. She met Marbo at a nightclub, they had a one-night stand and she decided to make her new job becoming his personal slut and stays in a beachside cottage whenever he comes by.
*Sly Marbo beat the Swarmlord in an arm-wrestling match. To be fair, the Swarmlord did better than Marneus Calgar.
*The Phoenix Lord Fuegan's firepike is made from a cigarette lighter Sly Marbo threw away.
*Sly Marbo hunted the Lictor Deathleaper and killed it. He took three days to catch it because he decided to give it a sporting chance with a two day head-start.
*Pyrovores explode when they get close to Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo is unharmed.
*Sly Marbo outshot Cypher, Illic Nightspear and a Vindicare Assassin with one eye closed.
*When Sly Marbo feels like eating calamari, he eats a Venomthrope and a Malanthrope, sauted and marinated.
*A sneeze from Sly Marbo is like an earthshaker round.
*Fabius Bile does his work because he's trying to make another Sly Marbo. Sly lets him try because he finds Fabius' futile quest amusing.
*Sly Marbo is the one who killed actually Konrad Curze
*Sly Marbo is so sly, that when he goes into Battle he even surprises himself
*Sly Marbo once fought Kenshiro in a duel. Kenshiro did his famous move and said his catchphrase. However, Kenshiro was already dead.
*Sly Marbo is de whey.
*Sly Marbo touched Tzeentch's spaget!
*Sly Marbo's challenge rating in D&D is not measured in levels, but instead in number of [[tarrasque]]
*Sly Marbo left his own shadow behind, because it cannot keep up with him.
**His now abandoned shadow was mistaken for a ctan by the necrons who attempted to capture it. Needless to say, they did not succeed.
*Sly Marbo's penis is an ap1 weapon which ignores invulnerability saves.
*Sly Marbo encountered a Greater Barking Toad. After 5 days of agonizing pain, the Toad died.
*There is not [[Chaos Gods of Law]] in 40k because Sly Marbo thinks the Warp have enough deities as it is.
*Sly Marbo is what's in the Grey Knights secret box.
*Sly Marbo's sweat, when applied to any surface, will grant immunity to damage. It is a shame that Sly Marbo has never found anything he actually had to try to kill.
*Sly Marbo set the record for the fastest kill of a furry
*Sly Marbo NTRd the guy in the NTRs
*Sly Marbo boots are made from Fulgrim heretic ass
*Thanos required an infinity gauntlet to wipe out half the universe. Sly Marbo requires nothing to wipe out the entire Universe.
*Sly Marbo can kill [[Vulkan]]. Permanently.
*Sly Marbo's knife and bullets are made from Nokias. It is also the only communication device that can survive him.
*A call from Sly Marbo cannot be declined, only answered.
*Sly Marbo can see John Cena.
* When Sly Marbo turns around, the weeping angels dare not touch him. The last one that tried got sent back in time.
* When the Cybermen met Sly Marbo, they deleted themselves.
* Sly Marbo exterminates Daleks.
* Sly Marbo knows the Doctor's real name.
* Sly Marbo killed Hannibal
* Drach'nyen was Sly Marbo's toy sword.
* Terra's water never boiled away. Sly Marbo was just thirsty.
* Sly Marbo hasn't got time to bleed.
* Sly Marbo visited a zombie infested world once. There he bit a zombie and two days later, every zombie was cured.
* When playing Rock Paper Scissors, if Sly Marbo has scissors and you have paper he wins and if he has scissors and you have rock, Marbo still wins.
* Sly Marbo once encountered a bad [[Mary Sue]] OC that was the daughter of the Emperor and Isha and was loved by everyone and was more powerful than everyone ever, she was also 1000000000 years old but looked 18 and she had the Emperor's Sword and couldn't be killed. Sly Marbo wiped her and her creator from existence.
* Sly Marbo never has a pony/furry version of him. This is because anyone who even dares think of doing such a thing gets destroyed.
*If you're on a platform that's higher than Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo still has the high ground.
*Sly Marbo once worked out on an air bike. This bike became so infused with Sly's awesome sweat that it turned into an assault bike which Sly proceeded to ride around the Galaxy before landing on Chogoris. This bike became known as Moondrakkan.
*Sly Marbo killed 4 avatars an ork waaagh and a whole hive fleet by sneezing
*Sly Marbo once ate a Taco Bell bean burrito. The resulting fart became [[Nurgle]].
*It is said that Sly Marbo’s tears can cure the Gellerpox. Trouble is, he’s never cried. (This one came straight from GW!)
*Sly Marbo once got bitten by a Toxicrene. After three days of horrendous pain, the Toxicrene died.
*One time a Tyranid fleet descended on Catachan intent on devouring the planet they were subsequently cooked and eaten by Sly Marbo.
*It's said that a transfusion of Marbo's blood can revive the emperor but the mechanicus can't fabricate a needle strong enough to extract it.
*Sly Marbo is what's in the Deathwatches secret box.
*Sly Marbo is not in any way related to Sly Cooper, in fact he would kill the little raccoon if he ever sees him for stealing his name.
*His bipod has a bipod.
*Sly Marbo got level 100 Colonel on the day Battlefield V launches.
* Sly Marbo can put out a grease fire with water
*Sly Marbo was cooking dinner, but he forgot to get some mushrooms. He replaced the mushrooms with orks since they're both fungi.
*Sly Marbo has seen a Purple Ork.
*Sly Marbo shed only a single tear watching the ending of the Iron Giant, or maybe Terminator 2. Or he was watching both at the same time. Or he watched one and nearly shed a tear then the other pushed him over the edge.
*Sly Marbo has beaten [[Dwarf Fortress|Dorf Fortress]]. He did this while tunneling through the Hidden Fun Stuff to the circus with his teeth on day one, beating the clowns into submission on day two, then building a wing of the fortress there on day three.
*Sly Marbo can kill two stones with one bird.
*Sly Marbo beat the Eye of Terror in a staring contest.
*Sly Marbo can build a snowman out of rain.
*Sly Marbo can unscramble an egg.
*Sly Marbo isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Sly Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo wants pasta, he catches a bunch of Mawlocs, covers them in tomato sauce and eats them.
*He is the best pirate you've ever seen.
*Kellermorph Hybrids carry Stub Revolvers in a vain attempt to impress Sly Marbo.
*Some people say that It was Space Wolves who destroyed the shield of the Will of Eternity during the siege of Cadia, but this Anon believes that It was Sly Marbo. Why? Because he was there, don't question it
*Sly Marbo once punched a ork spore into another dimension, said spore became Gordrakk.
*Maw-krushas are the only creature sly Marbo won't kill, because he doesn't want to kill his pets.
*Sly Marbo edits his own article.

==Fanmade Rules==
Although awesome in their own right, Sly Marbo’s current rules lack the... gravitas and bombasticness of his fan portrayal. As such, some fan made rules are in order (but are still “somewhat” playable).

===8th edition===
{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4 align=left
|- valign=top
! Name !! M !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! A !! Ld !! Sv !! Points
|-
| Sly Marbo || 8" || 2+ || 2+ || 4 || 4 || 9 || 4 || 11 || 2+ || 1000
|}
 

{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4 align=right
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
| Ripper Pistol || 12" || Pistol 2 || 4 || -3 || 2 || Models with less than 10 wounds which are wounded by this weapon are automatically slain.
|-
| Envenomed Blade || Melee || Melee || User || -3 || 1 || This weapon automatically wounds it’s target on a 2+. If you attack with this weapon you may only make 1 attack in total in the fight phase, if that hit is successful however then every enemy model within 3” takes a hit from this profile.
|-
| Penetrating Glare || Infinite || Macro 1 || 32 || -5 || 10 || This attack does not require line of sight, ignores cover and invulnerability saves, and deals any damage dealt in mortal wounds. Any unit destroyed by this attack explodes, dealing D6 mortal wounds to all units within 2D6”.
|-
| Marbo’s Sneeze || 6" || Grenade D6 || 6 || -2 || D3 || -
|}

Abilities:
*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!:
**Sly Marbo may re-roll failed hit and wound rolls and re-roll those failed re-rolls, but only if you scream “AAAAAAAAAAAAA” while doing so. In addition to this, Sly Marbo charges 4D6” instead of 2D6”.

*The Manliest man to ever grace the galaxy:
**Sly Marbo has a 2++ invulnerability save and halves all damage received (rounding down). Any damage saved against by Sly Marbo is also dealt back to the unit which dealt it in the form of mortal wounds.

*Rules are for mortals:
**Sly Marbo does not suffer any penalties for moving and firing any weapons, and may fire all his weapons in the shooting phase (including his grenades).

*Saviour of the galaxy:
**Sly Marbo may not be your warlord, but before the battle begins you may set this model up in reserve wherever he hides before striking. You may deploy this models the end of any of your movement phases 9” or further away from enemy units. Instead of doing this you may instead deploy this model further than 5” of an enemy unit which is about to deal to deal the final wound to your warlord during the fight phase, immediately make a charge roll for Sly Marbo, if the charge is successful then the damage your warlord would receive is ignored and Sly Marbo immediately makes a round of attacks.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
image:Sly Marbo.jpg|Mini in action.
Image:TheNewSly.jpeg|His converted model in action. You can just hear the AAAAAAAAA
Image:Sly Marbo 2017.jpeg
Image:SlyMarbo8thedition.png|He's back. In [[Fail|Resin]] And he's most certainly behind you
</gallery>

{{IG-Characters}}
Sly marbo is love. Sly marbo is life.

Sly Marbo

2019-07-28T13:03:16Z

2620:105:B001:B101:9C80:8362:1632:682: /* Marbo in Universe */

{{awesome}}
{{Topquote|1='''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'''|2=Sly Marbo, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y as depicted] in [[TTS]]}}
{{topquote|1=We're like animals. It's in the blood. It's natural, peace that's an accident. It's what is. When you're pushed, killing is as easy as breathing.|2=[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrpjOI40IwY John Rambo.]}}

[[Image:Sly Marbo Art.jpg|frame|It's a motherfuckin' lead farm!]]

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8n1hKQULa9Y Sly Marbo in a nutshell.]

Sly Marbo (Sly as in Sylvester Stallone, Marbo as in an anagram of Rambo, with a recent dash of Arnie and Snake Plissken) is a renowned Catachan Jungle Fighter, however, he operates separately from other Catachan units as he's a lone wolf almost all the time.

==Marbo in Universe==
As a <s>RAMBO</s> Catachan native, the jungle is his element, and he is capable of buttfucking entire enemy forces through his innate skill at jungle and guerrilla warfare. He strikes from seemingly nowhere and disappears back into the dense jungle. He is famous for his excellent sniping skills (Which make a [[Vindicare Assassin]] look like an [[Ork Snipers|Ork]]) and is considered to be one of the deadliest Humans in existence; not bad for a Guardsman...

Mysterious and aloof, little is known about Marbo's origins, and most of what is said remains speculation. Only his bro, Colonel Traupman (totally not Trautman from the Rambo films) knows the truth of his past. Marbo is so majestically ripped, that his fellow Jungle Fighters compare him to a small Ork, to the point that his muscley bulk is considered almost inhuman, oh and his eyes are scary as all fuck.

It is said that he was one of ten brothers inducted into the Catachan XII Regiment, but they all ended up getting killed by Orks. Pissed off that he had lost his Bruva Marbo's, Sly hunted down the Ork Warboss, killed him, and strode on back to base with his head.

Marbo then gained renown as one of the few survivors of the Dark Eldar incursion of Galabad. The small garrison of Jungle Fighters stationed on the planet was too few in number compared to the hordes of xenos, and was soon overrun. Many historians recount the horrific details of long, dark nights of torture, in which the Catachan prisoners were dismembered whilst Wyches and Mandrakes bathed in the blood of their victims (kinky). It was Marbo's boi, Colonel Traupman who led the rescue force that eventually found Sly: the mad bastard was standing alone and armed only with a knife, covered from head to toe in alien blood. Marbo had prepared for his pal's arrival though, as he was surrounded by destroyed vehicles, piles of alien bodies and had even bothered to put the head of the Dark Eldar leader on a fancy stake. What a nice guy!

Marbo's exploits have gotten to the point where regular Guardsmen practically worship his holy Rambo-ness. Good ol' Sly has fought his way from one end of the galaxy to the other attached to various Catachan regiments, including the famed badasses, the Catachan II. Here Sly works alone: Straken only needs to give him the order and he will turn enemy leaders into lasagne, break the back of enemy advances, and blow the fuck out of enemy war machines. On Pardus, it is said that he destroyed a Tau armored convoy by booby-trapping an entire ravine, while on Sask's World he captured a command post single-handedly, slaying the alien leader and all of its tentacled bodyguards, using only his BARE HANDS and a RATION TIN! It is said that during the Octavius War Marbo hunted Lictors for sport. That aside, Marbo has a collection of medals that would rival a Warmaster, having been awarded the Star of Terra multiple times for his legendary exploits (The Star of Terra is the IG's Medal of Honour/Victoria Cross).

On the planet of Nordassa, Marbo destroyed a BANELORD FUCKING [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|TITAN]]. Nobody knows how, because the pussies at Segmentum Command decided to make the details of his mission highly classified, even on his own file. He probably wrecked it simply by pissing in its general direction.

During <s> Rambo II </s> the Third War for Armageddon, Sly fucking Marbo was sent out to get shit done against the Orks. Normally, entire warbands of elite Assassins and soldiers would venture into Armageddon’s wastelands. But everyone knew that Marbo don't need that shit, so they sent him out on his own.

At the start of <s>Rambo III</s> the 13th Black Crusade, Marbo began his own shadow war against the enemies of the Imperium. Marbo wrought so much havoc using well-placed headshots and improvised explosives that entire encampments full of [[Chaos Space Marines]] were found destroyed. The destruction was on such a scale that Imperial forces figured it could only have been caused by a force of loyalist [[Space Marines|Spehss Marines]], eventually finding out that it was Sly fucking Marbo, alone and [[Rip and tear|doing what he does best]].

If you consider ''[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]]'', then then there is a spinoff where [[Vulkan]] and [[Corvus Corax]], taking a vacation, learned from Colonel Straken and the Catachan II why Marbo was so powerful: He's actually a [[Living Saint]]. He was so fucking awesome alone that he achieved ''apotheosis'', however, unlike that of the kinds of [[Saint Celestine]], he rejected all the blatantly Christian parts of angel wings, halos and doves because they were too unmanly for his presence (but he won't judge any men that do, cause he is a bro like that, not holding anything inherent against anyone except [[Erebus]] but that goes without saying). Marbo and the Catachans abhor such fabulous pretentiousness, for they were born and made to survive in the worst, poorest and dirtiest of conditions, and adorning such elements of fabulous wealth is hypocrisy, betrayal against their native roots.

==Marbo in Game==

Marbo IS (HE'S BACK! and he's right behind you) an elite unit choice for the [[Imperial Guard]] rather than a HQ (as is the case with most special characters), which makes sense because he's an operative, not a commander. He used to cost the bitchin' low amount of 65 points (so the same as a 10 man squad of Guardsmen with grenade launcher and power weapon). He's fully back (as in more than just in SW:A) as of 5/4/17 for 7th, and he's a lot damn better at only 25 points. In 5th edition, he used to have a demo charge to toss a S8 AP2 pie plate of death on a unit upon his arrival. That's how he would usually make his 65 points back. His new 25 point incarnation loses the demo charge and instead gains the ability to "booby trap" 3 pieces of terrain, making them dangerous terrain for enemy units for the duration of the game. His method of gaining his points back will not usually to hope that someone dies on the terrain or that he manages to kill a couple of models with his pistol or in CC.

Marbo, if you strike him into enemy lines, will inevitably die because your opponent will really want him dead due to the threat he poses against infantry. Marbo, however, IS the shit. His knife is 2+ poisoned, and his pistol is Strength X, AP3 with Sniper, and carries a melta bomb as standard, he's pretty good at assault and shooting (although his shooting attack is somewhat short ranged, so you're better off charging the enemy lines) and will invariably wreck some expensive squad's day before he dies a glorious death, assuming he gets close, as of his new rules he has 5+ FNP, Stealth, Move Through Cover, Hit and Run and Fleet, and the special rules "He's Behind You", "Like a Shadow" and "Master of Ambush" allows him to charge out of cover to strike into the enemy lines, unleash SIX ATTACKS (4 standard, +1 on the charge, +1 for having two weapons) AT I5 onto whichever poor SOB is in his sights, then disengage and RETURN TO RESERVES to strike from the shadows once again. If he ever DOES die, reality will stop for a brief moment and The Emprah will be heard to shout "What's wrong? Sly? Sly? SLYYYYYYYY!" (what really happens is he pretends to be dead and then slips back into the jungle to strike at his foe at a later date...)

Then He'll lock Himself in His room and cry for three days and three nights.

==Marbo in Novel==
Marbo appeared in the novel Deathworld. In the novel, the main characters, though in a squad of 10, were already having trouble surviving the planet and its life. It was made impossible to fall asleep and wake up (because you'd already be dead!) without someone keeping watch over you. How the hell then did Sly Marbo do it? Nobody really knows, maybe it's because of the facts below. In fact, he is one of the most poorly developed characters in the entire 40k history; some speculate that he is on par with Boreale and Carron. And in the Codex the little that is mentioned of him makes him out to be even more of a badass; he is known to have been awarded multiple Stars of Terra (the highest military award in the Imperium), so many in fact that he stopped caring and needed someone else to hold them for him.

==Death, Return, Death, and Return of a Hero==
According to the new codex, he isn't listed anymore (rumored due to ultra marine fans bitching) . Then again a lot of things are changing, so we might see his return in a small offshoot book or support text. Pray to your [[Chaos|gods]] for the return of Marbo. The Emperor protects.

PRAISE TEH EMPRAH! Marbo's model is now available for purchase [https://www.games-workshop.com/en-GB/Imperial-Guardsman-Marbo-2016 again] (for now) still no rules though... Sly doesn't need rules. Fielding him is an instant victory.

SLY IS REALLY BACK FOR GOOD! HE HAS [https://17890-presscdn-0-51-pagely.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/40k8_SW_Armageddon_Kill_teams_of_One_Characters.pdf RULES FOR BEING FIELDED] IN SHADOW WAR: ARMAGEDDON! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (With Ld 7 lol what a fucking pussy {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|Heresy!}} and he's fearless anyway, the ld value is just the standard there as filler) - [https://17890-presscdn-0-51-pagely.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/40k7_Marbo_Datasheet-1.pdf He´s also back for Full-Scale 40k now], with new rules that basically turn him into a light [[Eversor]]. New rules that will [[derp|only be valid for the next couple of months before 8th drops]] (and for 8e as GW said every character and unit that has rules will be getting an updated set, even if Sly's is just another PDF), but who cares, SLY IS BACK (and is probably right behind you). As it turns out, his new model is a conversion from Catachan sets.
And he's gone again so fuck this shit.

And now he's back again... for real this time. A White Dwarf page has leaked showing a shiny new (and not converted) Sly Marbo model to be released on December 23rd. His model has Snake Plisken's Gun, Arnold Schwarzenegger's biceps from '''Commando''', and he even comes with Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors on the base (he's still behind you). He's once again locked at 65 points, and is once again an HQ. He retains his deep strike capability but can no longer appear RIGHT BEHIND YOU (using the standard 9" deep strike deployment), instead forcing you to choose between a melta bomb of horror, a free snipe, or a free movement, letting him move in. Unfortunately, due to his comparatively low stats, other than the fact that he has up to 8 attacks on 2s and 2s, only the bomb will be likely to do anything, but who cares HE'S BACK, PRAISE THE EMPRAH.

== Sly Marbo Facts ==
Now canon according to the Regimental Standard, although it insists they're all just exaggerated rumors because they're spoilsports. Warning: repeating these in front of a [[Commissar]] is punishable by being reassigned to Plasma Gunner duty.

*Sly Marbo threw a grenade and killed five Orks. Then it exploded.
*Sly Marbo poked the warp right in the Eye of Terror.
*A Catachan Devil once stung Sly Marbo. After 5 days of agonising pain, the Catachan Devil died.
*Flak armour wears Sly Marbo for protection.
*Sly Marbo doesn’t have a shadow because he scared it off.
*When Ambulls go to bed at night, they check their nests for Sly Marbo.
*The fastest way to a man’s heart is with Sly Marbo’s blade.
*Sly Marbo once shot down a Dakkajet by pointing at it with his finger and saying “bang!”.
*Sly Marbo doesn’t shower, he takes blood baths.
*Lord Castellan Creed wears Sly Marbo pyjamas.
*If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Sly Marbo.
*The official name for “Exterminatus” is Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo beat a Warlord Titan at arm wrestling.
*Sly Marbo hacked a Tyranid Prime to death with its own scything talon.
*Sly Marbo can run faster than a Shokkjump Dragster.
*Sly Marbo sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
*The Cicatrix Maledictum was created when Sly Marbo sneezed.
*The first name engraved in every suit of Custodes’ armour is Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo does not sleep. He waits…
*Sly Marbo does not go hunting because “hunting” implies the possibility of failure – Sly Marbo goes killing.
*Roboute Gulliman keeps an inspirational pict of Sly Marbo with him at all times.
*Sly Marbo won a staring contest with a Necron.
*The Bermuda Triangle disappeared when Sly Marbo went through it.
*Sly Marbo is not trapped in a [[Tomb World]] full of [[Necron|Necrons]], they are all trapped in there with him.
*Sly Marbo expected the Spanish Inquisition.
*Skarbrand does NOT hate Sly Marbo. He's terrified of him.
*The Emperor is actually just a temporary replacement for Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo got bored being the ruler of mankind and went off to kill things, leaving the Emperor in his place.
*Marc Lecointe is Sly Marbo in disguise.
*Sly Marbo is Marc Lecointe in disguise.
*When the biggest badasses in the multiverse meet up, Sly Marbo leads them into battle.
*The Emperor is actually alive and fully functioning, he's just too scared to move in case Sly Marbo remembers him and comes back for his old job.
* The Warhammer 40k universe isn't actually this grimdark. The Universe is just too scared of Sly Marbo to be noblebright.
*Sly Marbo pisses at things and they explode.
*Sly Marbo can also put out phosphex fires by pissing on them!
*Sly Marbo doesn't afraid of anything!
*Sly Marbo once took a job as a leading role in a theater, someone said break a leg. Sly Marbo was only too happy to oblige by breaking the legs of everyone in the theater. The play got 5 stars by the way.
*Sly Marbo has longer range than old Deathstrike Missiles.
*As of ettra 2017, Sly Marbo can now be launched from a [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]], and much like an [[Exterminatus]], he kills every unit on and off the table including reserves and the ones you didn't field today. And the players need to be hospitalized.
*Any time Sly Marbo makes laser noises such as "pew pew", any being on the other end of that pew pew will suffer wounds similar to that which a Lascannon could inflict.
*Sly Marbo can shoot lasers from his eyes, that's where the term "laser eye surgery" comes from because you're gonna need a doctor after he's done with you!
*Sly Marbo, doesn't just kill 2 birds with the one stone, he kills entire flocks with a stone.
*Sly Marbo doesn't add insult to injury, his insults are the injury.
*Sly Marbo once went to court over a parking ticket violation. He found everyone in the room guilty of wasting the court's time.
*Sly Marbo once played a game of Tetris, he beat the game with one move.
*Sly Marbo once crashed the stock market....There were no survivors.
*Sly Marbo beat the Emperor, Tzeench, and Kitten in Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker. At once. By accident.
*Sly Marbo invented walking softly and carrying a big gun. With a knife.
*Sly Marbo once shot down an enemy [[Heldrake]] by pointing his finger in the shape of a gun and saying "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" ("bang")
*Sly Marbo can beat a wall in a Tennis match.
*Sly Marbo can make a woman (or a man) climax by winking or nodding at her/him.
*Sly Marbo never smiles, but can produce pheromones that make you think he did.
*Sly Marbo can make planets explode by Frowning.
*Chaos space marines no longer have the 'And They Shall Know No Fear' special rule because they know that Sly Marbo is out to get them.
*Sly Marbo can impregnate a woman just by touching her with his dick, winking at her or nodding, and NOT get a paternity suit further down the line.
*Only [[Samus|Samus Aran]] and Wonder Woman have wombs strong enough to bear Sly Marbo's children. Nope, not Celestine, partly because Celestine is one of Marbo's kids that he doesn't want to talk about. <s>(But incest is wincest)</s> {{BLAM}}HERESY!!!
*Sly Marbo once got launched back to the year 1506 AD, January 22nd, and trained a group of people to be mercenaries. They were the Swiss Guard.
*The chairman claims that the Meta simply drowned after falling into the freezing waters. In reality the Meta died because he encountered Sly Marbo there when the latter was skinny-dipping.
*Sly Marbo is the only being in existence to have enough Dakka. With a knife.
*Sly Marbo was the first living being to discover DAKKA.
*Sly Marbo can hide from Creed.
*Sly Marbo CAN and WILL. End of discussion.
*Sly Marbo is [[Imperial Fists|fortifying this position.]]
*Sly Marbo killed JFK from behind the Grassy Knoll.
*Sly Marbo also killed JFK from the book depository.
*Sly Marbo did 9/11 whilst blindfolded.
*Sly Marbo can melt steel beams.
*Sly Marbo saved Adolf Hitler from drowning when he was a child in Austria, then killed him when crap hit the fan in 1944.
*Sly Marbo is [[recursion]].
*Sly Marbo is [[recursion]].
*Sly Marbo is [[recursion]].
*Sly Marbo challenged Sigmar to an arm wrestling match, but the dimension they were in folded in on itself due to the shear weight of epic before the match could end. The survivors said that he might even have been winning.
*Sly Marbo is Karl's only friend.
*Sly Marbo isn't [[Alpharius]] or [[Omegon]], Alpharius, Omegon and the whole of the rest of the [[Alpha Legion]] are Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo is the only person capable of actually killing Trazyn (Lord of Magpies) The Infinite.
*Sly Marbo is the oldest being in the universe as he killed everything else. So when he created the chaos gods they were so afraid of him they created their own dimension to flee from him. They think they are safe from Sly Marbo but the truth is they are not.
*The Old Ones created the Orks in an attempt to kill Marbo. This is why the Old Ones are extinct.
*Once the Emperor and Sly high fived. The shockwave cut the galaxy in half, greeting The Great Rift.
*Sly Marbo beat Gork and Mork at the same time in an arm wrestling match. They both got to use two arms.
*Sly Marbo is not actually silent, but is actually screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA". The only reason why people cannot hear him is because only the most badass people to exist can hear it, which is why the emprah has a single continuous headache on the golden throne.
*Sly Marbo never stops screaming because it is a victory scream and Sly Marbo has already won.
*Sly Marbo is never added to an army. Army lists are added to Sly Marbo. Watch here for the reversed demonstration: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYfCb8D1JVo]
*[[Exterminatus]] destroys planets. Sly Marbo destroys <s> segmenta </s> galaxies.
*Sly Marbo can and will single-handedly destroy the Tyranids. By '''looking''' at them.
*Sly Marbo eats Carnifexes for breakfast, alive, with or without the aid of sauce.
*Sly Marbo models assemble and paint themselves.
*Sly Marbo can out AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA an [[Ork]] WAAAGH! and a [[Space Wolves]] RAAAAAAAAAARGH!
*Sly Marbo does not sleep, he waits.
*Sly Marbo slayed all the Dark Eldar by himself and yelled out his mighty AAAAAAAAAAAAAA to free all of the captives from their cages. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y]
*Sly Marbo goes to war waitwalking.
*Even I, [[Cato Sicarius]] admit Marbo is better than [[TTS|I, Cato Sicarius.]]
*No matter the conditions Sly Marbo smells like victory.
*Sly Marbo can stay so still that not even his atoms vibrate.
*Sly Marbo taught Drax how to do the above.
*Sly Marbo is the reason the Void Dragon is hiding.
*There is one Sly Marbo in every universe, they regularly meet up and play uno (no one Sly Marbo has yet to out do the other).
*Sly Marbo scares the living shit out of all the Ordo Malleus, Ordo Hereticus, and Ordo Xenos put together.
*Sly Marbo passes any characteristic test he is required to take including Toughness, Leadership, STD, Genetic, Initiative, and Paternity.
*[[Abaddon]] stole the planet killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside.
following this, he jumped out of the box, and ripped off abaddons arms, and that's why all the abaddon models have crappy arms
*In Dawn of War 2: Retribution, Tyranid ending, the swarm strips all life from subsector Aurelia. Well, 99.999% of it; Marbo is still there.
*Sly Marbo's mini was once used in Dungeons and Dragons. The mini killed every monster in the manual, before killing the Dungeon master and all players present.
*In the movement phase, Sly Marbo remains stationary and moves the gaming table 6" in any direction.
*Lightsabers are powered by Marbo's toenail clippings.
*Sly Marbo once fought Nurgle and changed him into a flower.
*When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo.
*They developed a new branch of the Inquisition specifically for Marbo - Ordo Marbicus.
*Sly Marbo killed Batman's parents.
*Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy [[Leman Russ]] is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
*The [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] isn't on the Golden Throne, he just left a dummy there to keep Marbo off his trail. Marbo's not fooled.
*The Grim Reaper doesn't come for Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo comes for the Grim Reaper.
*Sly Marbo has two speeds, Stalk and Exterminatus.
*sly Marbo doesn't need no stinkin; key-card.
*Sly Marbo made Slaanesh his bitch. TWICE.
**It is rumored that Slaanesh suffered permanent nerve damage and can no longer climax unless Sly Marbo Winks at Him/Her/It.
*Sly Margo passed a paternity test for Khorne.
*Sly Marbo is on Nurgle's list for two reasons; Sly Marbo repels all dirt and germs and Sly Marbo seduced Isha. ALSO TWICE. FOR BOTH THINGS.
*Sly Marbo bitchslapped Horus. Horus apologized.
*If Marbo's demo charge scatters back on him, he kicks the template back so that it lands on the enemy general.
*Sly isn't the missing [[Primarch]]. He is the entire Missing Legion!
*Sly Marbo really loves kittens and puppies. He thinks they're best served rare.
*Sly Marbo never washes. Dirt is too afraid to touch him.
*Sly Marbo ALWAYS eats soup with a fork.
**If he can't find a fork, a chainsword will do.
*Sly Marbo is Toughness D.
*Sly Marbo eats Tyranid Rippers for breakfast, lunch, and tea. Without sauce.
*When MC Hammer is around, it's Hammertime. When Marbo is around, you know poor MC will never be back.
*Sly Marbo!...IS RIGHT HEEERREEE!
* Jesus can walk on water. Marbo can swim through solid rock.
* Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo gets discounts from Games Workshop.
* Sly Marbo gets discounts from Forge World.
* Sly Marbo's paints [[THIN YOUR PAINTS|thin themselves.]]
* Sly Marbo's finecast models won't break or bend even if thrown and stomped on.
* Sly Marbo looks good in parachute pants.
* Sly Marbo once challenged the [[Eye Of Terror]] to a staring contest, he won.
* Medusa turned to stone when she made eye contact with Sly Marbo.
* Just as The [[Emperor]] was about to finish off [[Horus]] Sly Marbo swung in and killed the whiny rebellious [[Primarch]] before Emps could, all the while yelling [[Troll|"KILLSTOLEN BITCH!"]] The Emperor was too busy dying to protest.
* Sly Marbo can touch this.
* Sly Marbo watches the Watchmen.
* The Death Star's turbolaser is powered by Sly Marbo's pubic hair. He only gave some to the Empire because Alderaan was lowering his property values.
* Sly Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
* Sly Marbo made [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]'s spare camo cloak out of fibers from his own chest hair.
* Sly Marbo doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
* Sly Marbo has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a little jar next to his bed. Don't worry; it was an ''evil'' child that had killed its parents.
* Sly Marbo stole my heart. I think he ate it.
* Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a pillow under his gun.
* Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
* Sly Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp.
* It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back The Emperor. Sadly, Marbo never cries and never will.
* Sly Marbo does not sweat from his eyes. Nothing escapes those soulless pits.
* Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fire his weapon, it's just that the ammo inside his gun is scared and fires itself.
* Krieg was never purged by the Death Korps. Marbo just ate too many beans.
* Seal team six is code for "Sly Marbo", now you can be sure Bin Laden is dead.
* The [[Tyranid]]s actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Mr. Popo. What they don't realize, however, is that Popo, in a classic pincer maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
* The [[C'tan|Nightbringer]] doesn't go outside at night because he's worried that Sly Marbo is waiting for him. He is.
* A Venomthrope bit Sly Marbo once. After 2 weeks of excruciating pain and agony, the Venomthrope died.
* Sly Marbo isn't addicted to lho sticks, lho sticks are addicted to Sly Marbo.
* Most Vindicare Assassins want to grow up to be just like Sly Marbo, most however grow up to be killed by him.
* [[Cypher]] keeps running to escape Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo is aware of that and waits for the perfect time to strike.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo punched a star with his bare fist.
* Sly Marbo conquered the whole Ultima Segmentum <s>once</s> <s>twice</s> four times.
* Sly Marbo let the dogs out.
* Sly Marbo beat [[Marneus Calgar|Papa smurf]] in arm wrestling using his little finger.
* Sly Marbo would kill the [[Marines Malevolent]] by clicking his fingers if he found out what they where really like.
* Even the [[Angry Marines]] are scared of Marbo. Even their chapter master: Temperus Maximum, can't curse or even look at him with the slightest bit of anger.
* A [[Bloodthirster]] once challenged Sly Marbo. The experience was so traumatizing that it has refused to manifest into realspace since he fears being in the same plane of existence as Marbo. Little does it realise Marbo can enter the warp at any time.
* [[Konrad Curze]] wasn't killed by a Callidus Assassin, Marbo just dropped by and kicked him in the happy sack so hard that he hasn't gotten up to this day. The Imperium just used the Assassin as a cover story to make it look like the Assassinorum still has its uses.
* [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I mindfucked an Eldar Farseer with my non-psychic mind" Straken]], and Sly Marbo regularly get together for poker night in a secret dimension which only pure essences of awesome may visit. [[Creed]] doesn't get invited because nobody likes it when a stack of ordinary poker chips turns out to be a squadron of [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Leman Russ Demolishers]], just lying in wait.
* Sly Marbo can beat a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers with a High Card 7
* When Marbo fails his armor or invulnerable save, the one who caused it gets the wound.
* Sly Marbo stared into [[Slaanesh]] him/her/itself, Slaanesh later lost his/her/it's soul to Marbo.
* Sly Marbo took a stroll through the Gardens of [[Nurgle]], it was left sterilized and lemony fresh.
* Sly Marbo gave [[Nurgle]] the clap.
* Sly Marbo got into [[Tzeentch]]'s forbidden library, blindfolded, in just 5 seconds. And only because he gave the library a 4.9 second head start.
* [[Khorne]] didn't cause the endless chasm in his brass citadel out of rage, Marbo just put his foot down in front of Khorne's throne.
* Sly Marbo once gave a riddle to the [[C'tan|Deceiver]], which the Deceiver still haven't solved.
* [[Khaine|Khaela Mensha Khaine]] only shattered into a bajillion pieces after Marbo punched him in the gut.
* [[Horus]] is said to have killed [[Sanguinius]] because the Angel was tired from battle. That battle was losing an arm wrestling match with Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo could heal [[Roboute Guilliman]] and [[Lion El'Jonson]]. Experience has just taught him they won't be awesome enough to receive it.
*The Winter Soldier is one of the most powerful assasins in the Marvel universe. Sly Marbo taught the Winter Soldier in 30 minutes.
*[[Lorgar]] is said to be on Sicarius communing with the [[Chaos Gods]]. He's really just trying to hide from Sly Marbo.
*[[Logan Grimnar]] once challenged Sly Marbo to a drinking contest. The Great Wolf fell into a coma trying to beat Marbo. As punishment, Logan must now ride a pretty little sleigh dragged by wolves.
*[[Dante]]'s Death Mask curses anyone who looks at him. He's terrified of what will happen if he looks at Sly Marbo while wearing it.
*[[Eldrad]] takes everything into account when making a plan. Sly Marbo is the one unpredictable factor.
*Sly marbo can out dick [[Eldrad]]
*Sly Marbo once banished an entire daemonic horde by giving it a mean look.
*Marbo once dueled an [[Eversor]] assassin in close combat, he managed to literally rip the assassin in half with his bare hands and end the fight in just 10 seconds flat.
** The first 9 seconds was the Eversor assassin working up the courage to attack and running towards him.
*Whenever Marbo spits at someone, his spit turns into a plasma bolt. Whenever he fails his "Gets Hot" roll, the one he spat at explodes. (Note: Sly Marbo never fails any rolls unless he chooses to do so.)
*Sly Marbo pisses melta fire.
*Marbo can be an Ultramarine, but hates them anyway, so he doesn't care.
*The [[Administratum]] once attempted to impose a higher tithe on Catachan. Sly Marbo was sent, and now Catachan is now adeptus non. They still send troops for fun anyway.
*A Miral land shark once tried to ambush Marbo like Straken, the land shark's teeth shattered the second it bit Marbo.
*Sly Marbo makes Khorne Berzerkers take morale checks.....twice
*Marbo once defeated Tzeentch in a chess game..... with just 3 moves.
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] is actually Marbo in disguise, he just assumes this form to troll fa/tg/uys for fun.
*Marbo once killed a Hierophant bio-titan by bitch-slapping it in the face, he then killed the entire brood of Tyranids following it by ripping-off one of the dead Hierophant's scything talons and using it as a weapon.
*[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] is said to have left the Third War for Armageddon because he got bored. He really left because he learned Sly Marbo was coming.
*Sly Marbo once cut himself to see what all the fuss was about. The resulting blood formed into [[Ollanius Pius]].
*Sly Marbo's sweat is what poison lines his weapon.
*Orks wear Gork and Mork pajamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pajamas.
*Sly Marbo <s>sleeps</s> waits with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
*A Daemon Prince once saved a Cadian regiment from Necrons; the Guardsmen were baffled until they realized the daemon had been possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo can kick [[Sisters of Battle|a Bolter Bitch]] in the balls.
*The [[Crimson Fists]] got their name after Sly Marbo played bloody knuckles with [[Pedro Kantor]].
*Sly Marbo once took Moondrakken for a joyride. He brought it back with all the radio presets changed and the seat readjusted. Kor'sarro Khan didn't dare complain.
*The [[Salamanders]] hold that [[Vulkan]] will return when they collect all nine of his sacred artifacts. So far they've recovered five. Sly Marbo has not seen fit to return the other four.
*Marbo once ate a [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]. He thought it was bland.
*Sly Marbo once broke the battlements of Medrengard in an hour.
*Sly Marbo was once on a planet subjected to virus bombing. Sly Marbo's immune system killed the viruses before they infected him. And then his immune system killed everyone else on the planet.
*Sly Marbo taught tactics to - wait, what's that Titan doing there?
[[Creed|"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED"]]
*Sly Marbo can strangle you with a cordless Vox.
*Sly Marbo has constipation issues, because he knows his feces could be used to track him in the field.
*[[Indrick Boreale]] once spoke Sly Marbo's name and the sheer awesomeness fixed his speech impediment.
*A greater Daemon once possessed Sly Marbo… No one knows what happened to it.
*Sly Marbo doesn't need meltabombs. He just pisses on a tank and it explodes.
*The Necrons went into stasis because Marbo was killing everything else.
*Any time a Farseer says "Just as planned", Marbo will be standing behind them with murder in his eyes.
*Sly Marbo's favorite sandwich is a Catachan Barking Toad between two meltabombs.
*Sly Marbo is the stig.
*Sly Marbo is the senate.
*Sly Marbo once traveled back in time and killed the Arch-Heretic Matt Ward before he worked at GW. He only brought him back to life after he decided life without him would be boring.
*Sly Marbo tried to fix Age of Sigmar. Even Sly Marbo has his limits.
*Sly Marbo's glare is treated as a Plasma Blastgun with the rate of fire of a Punisher Gatling Cannon.
*Kharn The Betrayer once fought Marbo. Kharn was found embedded in the hull of an orbiting starship. He took the defeat pretty well.
*Plasma weapons use a synthetic form of Marbo's testosterone. In its natural state it is white-hot and obliterates everything it touches.
*Sly Marbo once had intestinal parasites. Once he shat them out they became known as Catachan Devils.
*Marbo once allowed a Guard player to use his mini, the Necron player he fought wasn't allowed to take Reanimation Protocol rolls, the Tau player he fought got into melee and the Daemon player he fought tried and failed to dance An'ggrath around the map out of Marbo's reach.
*Slaanesh needs to masturbate every time Sly Marbo kills a [[Carnifex]]. Chaos Realm suffers chronic floodings.
*Sly Marbo stole the Blood Ravens' home planet.
*Sly Marbo's Internet seems slow. That's just because he's faster than it.
*Sly Marbo gives out a special rule... Feel MORE Pain.
*The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard, Sly Marbo was already there. And he brought a better milkshake.
*Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
*If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
*You are only alive because Sly Marbo is too busy to kill you.
*Sly Marbo can drown a fish.
*Sly Marbo simply walks into Mordor.
*A Lictor once tried to ambush Sly Marbo while he was waiting; it did not expect Marbo to ambush it while ambushing him.
*Marbo can seduce Slaaneshi [[Daemonettes]] at will. After they do the dirty, Sly doesn't have to kill them because they're already dead from ecstasy (and not the drug).
*After Sly Marbo killed a Tyranid swarm out of boredom, the Swarmlord was deployed to kill Marbo. After six months of trying (and dying), the Swarmlord finally gave up and stopped reincarnating.
*Sly Marbo’s testicles are of such might they ignore armor saves in close combat.
* The only reason Sly Marbo isn't a primarch is because it would be a demotion. The same with being a Daemon Prince.
* Khorne used to have a gold pedestal just for Marbo's skull. He has since melted it down and sold it at a Cash-4-Gold shop.
* When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. When Sly Marbo stares into the abyss, the abyss averts its gaze to the left.
* Sly Marbo bowls overhand.
* When Sly Marbo has to stitch up a deep gash, he doesn't use a needle and thread, he uses a tent spike and bailing wire and those only work with the strength of Marbo himself behind them.
* Trayzn's 'hood' is a neck brace. Marbo effortlessly sniffed out the real Trazyn and ripped his spine out. Trayzn still hasn't gotten it back.
* Sly Marbo once snuck up on [[Lucius]] the Eternal and slit his throat from behind. Lucius was unable to possess him, as Sly Marbo's thirst for killing can never be satisfied.
* Sly Marbo once got into a theological debate with [[Erebus]], and pointed out thirty-nine logical fallacies in the Book of Lorgar, which Erebus was unable to explain.
* SLY MARBO OWNS THE ONLY COPY OF WARHAMMER FANTASY NINTH EDITION. HE'S GOT A SILVER GOLDEN DEMON TROPHY FOR HIS CLANRATS.
* The Big Bang was Sly Marbo snapping his fingers.
* [[Darnath Lysander]] once struck Sly Marbo with the "Hammer of Dorn". Not only did the Hammer break on impact with Marbo, but so did Lysander's storm shield, Terminator armor, and pride.
* Sly Marbo once hugged [[Typhus]]. Not only did he remain clean of disease, but his sweat infected the Destroyer Plague in Typhus's body.
* The Adeptus Mechanicus once dug deep underground in an attempt to find a [[Necron]] tomb. They found Sly Marbo instead, ruining his power <s>nap</s> wait. By the end of the day the entire ''star system'' was devoid of all life.
* The reason Malal/Malice is no longer mentioned in Canon is because he ran afoul of Sly Marbo.
* The Outsider would come back to our galaxy if Sly Marbo wasn't waiting for him.
* When the Space Marines are in trouble, the Legion of the Damned come to their rescue. When the Legion of the Damned are in trouble, Sly Marbo come to their rescue.
* Contrary to popular belief, Doombreed is not camera shy, it’s just that he foolishly thinks Sly Marbo doesn't know what he looks like.
* Sly Marbo won a staring contest with Mephiston.
* Nemesis [[Dreadknights]] are believed to be ancient pieces of xenos tech; they're actually Sly Marbo's childhood toys.
*Marbo once broke an Eldar soulstone but Slaanesh got nothing because he grabbed the soul first. He's still got it on him.
*Contrary to popular belief, it is unknown if Sly Marbo is bulletproof. Whenever someone fires at him, the bullet/bolt/plasma/las/shuriken stops twenty centimeters from Marbo, turns 180 degrees, and hits the person who fired the shot.
*Sly Marbo controls all of [[Games Workshop]]'s prices. He's just waiting for the right time to lower them.
*Being headbutted by Ghazghkull is like being struck by a mag-train, being poked by Sly Marbo is like being smacked by an Imperator class titan.
*The Adeptus Mechanicus is looking for the STCs. Marbo has most of them in a flash drive that the AdMech knows about but doesn't dare lay claim to it.
*Sly Marbo is the one person [[Alpharius|Alpharius]] never confuses.
*He knows where all the Tomb Worlds are. This is because he destroyed most of them.
*Sly Marbo takes on [[Genestealers]] in close combat for fun.
*Sly Marbo uses his Uplifting Primer as toilet paper. No commissar would dare execute him for this.
*The [[Dark Eldar]] didn't know what pain was until they met Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo Deep Strikes, everything else has to roll scatter die, including the terrain itself.
*A Tau Ethereal can order entire Cadres to commit mass suicide. Marbo can make entire Tau planets kill themselves by looking at them funny.
*Sly Marbo once took on two Stompas in a no DQ one-on-tag handicap match with one arm tied behind his back. Records are scarce, but according to eyewitness reports he German suplexed them both for three hours straight before getting bored and wandering off to find a Mega Gargant to fight.
*The Kroot once conspired a plan to eat Sly Marbo and use his DNA to create perfect Kroot warriors. Marbo fried them in batter and sprinkled them with eleven herbs and spices, never revealing what the eleventh one was (but the first ten herbs and spices were all steak).
*Sly Marbo doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the planet down.
*What colour is Sly Marbo's blood? Trick question - nobody has ever seen Sly Marbo bleed.
*Sly Marbo never takes his Feel No Pain roll. He doesn't understand what this "pain" issue is everyone else is struggling with.
*Sly Marbo is the original owner of Blood Reaver, [[Flesh Tearers|Gabriel Seth's]] chainsword. Sly Marbo used it as a toothbrush, but it wasn't powerful enough so he let Seth borrow it.
*Sly Marbo stuffed his mattress with those [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs|100 missing]] [[Baneblade|Baneblades]]. It's still too soft for him.
*Sly Marbo doesn't kill everything in the galaxy because it's funny watching them try to kill him.
*Sly Marbo can fold suns in half.
*Sly Marbo once entered a Dark Angels rap battle. All who witnessed his mad skills on the mic perished. The only reason his opponent survived is because he ran as soon as he heard Sly Marbo's first breath into the mic. Smart man.
*Dark Eldar aren't hiding from Slaanesh in the webway, they're hiding from Sly Marbo.
*Marbo never dies, he just wants to be a good sport and let them win.
*Marbo once challenged [[Castor|Lord General Castor]] to a duel to see which could slay a Carnifex first. Marbo lost, but only because he spent the last few seconds of his kill's life taunting it.
*Sly Marbo is the Angry Marines primarch.
*Sly Marbo once bro-fisted a Imperator Titan. All that remains of said titan was the hellstorm cannon on Kronus.
*Khorne spills blood for Sly Marbo.
*Every Sister of Battle is crazy with lust for Marbo. He doesn't take advantage of that because he's a gentleman and it would distract them from their job.
*Sly Marbo can "out-CREEEEEED!" Creed; Marbo lets Creed do it when he can't be bothered to himself.
*The Hive Mind of the Tyranids drives people insane because IT is insane too. Said insanity came about when Marbo let it psychically touch his mind.
*Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one. (And I can too... OH SHIT! FTHWREGWARBLBLBLBL...)
*Sly Marbo is Roboute Guilliman's [[Spiritual Liege]].
*Sly Marbo is America and so can you.
*Sly Marbo doesn't seize the initiative, the initiative is given to him.
*Sly Marbo's punches ignore Invulnerable Saves.
*Sly Marbo powers the Morphin' Grid.
*Sly Marbo is the reason [[Matthew Ward]] quit working at Games Workshop. Now that he's gone, Marbo's planning on tormenting that [[Robin Cruddace]] prick next...
*Sly Marbo let Matt Ward go back to Games Workshop in exchange for getting rules in Shadow War: Armageddon.
*The only way to banish Sly Marbo is to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. And even then you can't be sure.
*He got his own squad after what happened last night.
*Sly Marbo is the one who killed Zordon! Andros was a cover story.
*Sly Marbo stalks Slenderman.
*Supernovae don't exist, it is just Sly Marbo's farts.
* The Celestial Orrery is actually one of Sly Marbo's kidney stones.
* Sly Marbo was once shot by a Nova Cannon before, after the devastating explosion, the Nova Cannon as well as the entire Imperial Navy in the sector died.
* A prophecy was announced recently in the Imperium, if Sly Marbo, [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "My bionic fists can bitch-slap Titans for Tuesday" Straken]], [[Creed]], [[Commissar Ciaphas Cain]], [[Commissar Holt]], [[Commissar Fucklaw]], [[Commissar Yarrick]], [[Sturnn|General Sturnn]], [[Merrick]], [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Castor|Lord General Castor]], [[Lord Solar Macharius]] and [[Ollanius Pius]] ever teamed up, they would destroy all four Chaos Gods, shatter reality and break open the fourth-wall while punching you in the face as an extra measure (You will be honored if you WERE punched in the face by these guys, admit it, you know it will be true).
* Sly Marbo is secretly the Six Samurai.
* Sly Marbo once pissed into the oil tank of a truck, that truck was then used as inspiration to make the baneblade.
* Sly Marbo beat Slaanesh and Doomrider in a cocaine and orgy competition while <s>sleeping</s> waiting.
* Sly Marbo once built a robot. That robot is known as the Void Dragon.
* Sly Marbo once banished Skarbrand back to the Warp.
* Sly Marbo is actually THE <s> Dragonborn </s>.
* Sly Marbo is not the Dragonborn, he was just thirsty, and human blood was getting plain.
* Sly Marbo does not have a soul, he ate it out of boredom. Even if he had one, he still wouldn't feel anything.
* Sly Marbo turned my Battle Brother into [[Chaos Spawn| the creature that shall not be named.]]
* Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one, though whoever hears him say it will become on-WAIT NOOOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGARGKAOPKAERO
* Sly Marbo occasionally indulges himself in a grilled cheese after he is done bitch-slapping Rowboat Jellyfan with his ceramite balls.
* Sly Marbo once almost made a Chuck Norris joke, but then didn't because Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny.
* When Sly Marbo builds models, he is really building the Mechanicus' Imperator Titans.
* Sly Marbo actually shits out Demolisher Shells.
* Sly Marbo broke into the Black Library, told Cegorach how to actually be funny, and then punched Ahriman in the face.
* Sly Marbo has turned many an Ultramarine into a heretic. His manly jawline, well defined biceps, and thousand yard stare seem to have found a trait not previously noted from their geneseed. That is, to put it simply: Sly Marbo turns Ultramarines gay.
* While anyone else chews tobacco, Sly Marbo chews glass.
* Sly Marbo is deadly to vampires, werewolves, zombies and any other undead. And regular dead. And not dead.
* Sly Marbo won the game. (Goddamn it, I lost the game)
* [[Gabriel Seth]] was in a brawl with Marbo, when Emperor knows how, he found an opening in his guard and tried to kick him in the balls. Not only did he break a leg in an attempt, Marbo was so pissed off that most of the Flesh Tearers are now overcome with black rage .
* Sly Marbo once stopped a [[Black Crusade]] by tricking the Chaos Lord leading it into saying "You and what Hulk?" Said Chaos Lord and his warband were then crushed by a [[Space Hulk]] thrown at them by the Incredible Hulk (who was really sly marbo wearing green paint).
* Lukas the Trickster slept with a dozen women in a single night. For Sly Marbo, that's a dry spell.
* Sly Marbo once went to the Crucibael in Commorragh during a major performance by the Cult of Strife and Lelith Hesperax herself. Every trap in the arena broke upon impact with Marbo. Every attack creature died from a single punch from Marbo. Every male Wych was too scared to fight him. Every female Wych stopped fighting and offered themselves to him sexually, but by that point Sly Marbo was bored and walked out of the arena and no one could stop him. Vect let it slide because he got to glut on the pain Marbo inflicted and he knew Marbo couldn't be stopped. Lelith on the other hand swore to hunt Marbo down; before he left, Marbo patted Lelith on the butt and gave her a series of orgasms more pleasurable than any pain high, and she's been chasing him ever since for more.
* Sly Marbo can emerge from a Mandrake's shadow or the brightest light.
* The Emprah's stats are all E. Sly Marbo's stats are all E^E.
* Sly Marbo once visited the Warhammer World a long time ago; this event is known to us as the coming of the Old Ones.
* Sly Marbo is never cut from a Codex - he just chooses to go back into the shadows to stalk you.
* It's said that Bjorn the Fell-Handed is the oldest Space Marine. Marbo was his babysitter.
* Trazyn has to change his collection every century or so because Marbo keeps asking for his toys back.
* Sly Marbo knows EXACTLY where Carmen Sandiego is. He hid the body.
* Sly Marbo knows where you're not; safe.
* The Emperor kneels before no man. But then again, calling Marbo a man is hardly fair.
* The Primarchs were just Marbo playing fancy dresses.
* The Primarchs weren't stolen by chaos, they were running from their grandfather - Sly Marbo.
* Rumor has it that the reason Sly Marbo isn't in the AM Codex is because he'll get his own multi-part E-Codex just to describe his countless acts of MANLINESS. He will also count as his own army.
* Sly Marbo once had an arm wrestling match with [[Abbadon]], with the loser's arms as the bet. [[Failbaddon|You know how it ended]].
* Sly Marbo's section was removed from the codex in a vain attempt by Games Workshop to delay his wrath for their many sins against the Guard. They have failed.
* Sly Marbo ate Schrodinger's Cat, while it was both dead and alive.
* Sly Marbo sheds his skin every month. He hands the skin over to the Adeptus Mechanicus, who then use it to reinforce suits of Tartaros-pattern [[Terminator]] armour. It is assumed that most of these are in the possession of the [[Minotaurs]].
*Sky Marbo destroyed all the dolphins.
* Sly Marbo killed the dinosaurs when one stole and ate his lunch, but not before saving a clutch of T-rex eggs.
* Sly Marbo has never killed a man. He just beats them so bad they are turned to little girls before they die.
* Sly Marbo is the name of [[Doctor Who|the Doctor]]. The Daleks' racism is to mask their insecurity that they'll never be as good as Marbo.
* The spaceballs brake for nobody. Except Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo was the one who built a text to speech device for the Emperor.
* Marbo once banged a Dominatrix and the product was the Swarmlord.
* Sly Marbo can release Half Life 3. He just chooses not to.
* Sly Marbo beat Doomrider in a crack-snorting contest.
* Sly Marbo can out-transform Optimus Prime.
* Sly Marbo talks about Fight Club.
* Sly Marbo also talks about Popo's training.
* Sly Marbo has a pet Carnifex called Cuddles, although most know him as Old One Eye.
* [[Kaldor Draigo]] isn't trapped in the warp. He's hiding from Marbo.
* Black holes are created every time Sly Marbo rips his way into our universe and the universe is too scared to seal the breaches.
* Sly Marbo can outsmart bullets.
* Sly Marbo's eyes made flamethrowers obsolete.
* Jesus Christ saves souls. Sly Marbo saves everything else.
* Sly Marbo can slam a revolving door.
* Death had a near-Sly Marbo experience.
* Sly Marbo will never get a heart attack. His heart isn't stupid enough to attack him.
* There is no Theory of Evolution. Just a list of animals Sly Marbo allows to live.
* Sly Marbo flashed before Life's eyes.
* Sly Marbo doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.
* Sly Marbo's favorite color is blood.
* Sly Marbo can smack air.
* Sly Marbo can cut apart the sky.
* Sly Marbo can eat water.
* Sly Marbo solved Imotekh's favorite Tessaract Labyrinth with an abacus.
* Sly Marbo shot a man with a knife.
* Sly Marbo can divide by zero.
* Sly Marbo protects his air bags in car accidents.
* One of Sly Marbo's discarded fingernails fell into the real world from the Warp. It reformatted into Audie Murphy.
* Commander [[Farsight]] found one of Sly's discarded dinner knifes on a planet that he had a picnic on. Said knife was the Dawn Blade, and the previously verdant and inhabited world became a dead world after what Sly did after lunch.
* Sly Marbo knows how Gordon Freeman and Chell sound like.
* Sly Marbo once ran a 0-second mile. Than did it again, just to piss off physics.
* All the skulls in Khorne's realm actually belong to Sly Marbo. Khorne just minds them for him.
* The reason the Eldar Phoenix Lords are immortal is truly because Sly Marbo finds them tolerable enough to keep alive; whenever one dies he performs CPR, as CPR from Sly Marbo can raise the dead.
* A Commissar tried to execute Sly Marbo. The bolter round was so scared it backfired and shot the Commissar in the head.
* Sly Marbo uses a live <s>Genestealer</s> Broodlord as a backscratcher.
* Sly Marbo can believe it's not butter.
* Sly Marbo shaves by punching himself in the face as they only thing that can cut Sly Marbo is Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo is the true king of Westeros.
* Sly Marbo trained Discord and Q out of boredom.
* Sly Marbo drinks distilled Warp.
* Sly Marbo once saw his life flash before his eyes, it was accredited as film of the millenium.
* People say Sly Marbo defies physics, but really physics just obey Sly Marbo.
* Chaos once fell to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo taught [[Simo Hayha]] how to snipe. It turns out one of the Emperor's early titles was "White Death."
* They say that there are only two ways to get the entire [[Deathwing]] company into a Mini Cooper, one is by telling them that [[Cypher]] is in the glovebox. Sly Marbo is the other one.
* Sly Marbo is behind you right now, even if you're against a wall.
* Sly Marbo once went back in time, during which, a hair fell off his chest. That hair grew up to be Teddy Roosevelt.
* Sly Marbo doesn't die from bullets, mainly because they are all scared shitless.
* The only time a lasgun is useful is when Sly Marbo uses it.
* Soaking a lasgun's power pack in Sly Marbo's sweat will give it Exterminatus-level power.
* Sly Marbo doesn't fail his Morale checks. He gets bored and wanders off. No one is brave/stupid enough to stop him.
* Sly Marbo never dies. He <s>falls asleep</s> waits in combat and no one dares to acknowledge his body.
* Sly Marbo had sex before his father.
* The Fallen Angels are hiding from Sly Marbo.
* No Plasma weapon dares to overheat in Sly Marbo's hands.
* Sly Marbo is the one who put Lord Tirek in Tartarus, then broke him out years later.
* Sly Marbo is the Mighty Morphin White Ranger.
* Sly Marbo once ate a bowl of Milk without any milk.
* Sly Marbo has banged Lelith Hesperax. The reason Lelith rarely talks is because she has laryngitis from all the screaming in ecstasy she did throughout the experience.
* Unicron fears Marbo, for he is the matrix.
* In America, Sly Marbo kills You. In Soviet Russia, Sly Marbo still kills You.
* Sly Marbo can '''''SHOOT WHILE MOVING!!'''''.
* Sly Marbo's name is a killing sound.
* There is an urban legend in the Guard that if you say Sly Marbo's name three times in front of a mirror, Sly Marbo will appear and slit your reflection's throat. This has never been confirmed, as nobody has ever survived saying Sly Marbo's name twice.
* The Emperor was created in 8000 BC when hundreds of shaman were packed into a Volkswagen by Sly Marbo.
* The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo tried to break his previous packing-people-into-a-Volkswagen record, this time using Eldar.
* The Astral Knights only managed to penetrate the World Engine's void shields because Sly Marbo gave them a push.
* Sly Marbo once gave the Blood Ravens a gift, but only because watching them fail to steal it from him stopped being funny.
* When Sly Marbo heard about Daemonic possession, he decided that it sounded like a challenge and went to the Eye of Terror to experience it first hand. However, he got bored after all the Daemons he forced himself into exploded before he could make them do stuff.
* Sly Marbo is a psyker so powerful, the Greeks had to invent a new alphabet to classify him.
* Sly Marbo taught Macgyver everything he knows, except how to kill. That knowledge was never meant for mortal men.
* Dark Matter is incredibly difficult to detect because it has been hiding from Sly Marbo ever since he caused the Big Bang.
* The Big Crunch will never happen, because the Universe is desperately trying to run from Sly Marbo, thus exceeding the escape velocity.
* Sly Marbo has the only complete map of the Webway tattooed on his penis.
* Ships carrying Sly Marbo through the Warp only turn their Gellar fields on to protect the Warp from him, it doesn't help at all.
* Sly Marbo can play Ride of the Valkyries on bagpipes without bagpipes.
* Sly Marbo caught them all. Twice.
* Sly Marbo finished the Neverending Story.
* When Sly Marbo played Chaos Rising, there was no traitor.
* Sly Marbo can never have the Monster Hunter rule. They're too easy.
* Sly Marbo CAN assault a zooming flier with his bare hands.
* Demons disappear when Sly Marbo's around. He's not a Blank or anything, they just shit themselves when they realize he's there.
* A dying Necron Lord once told Marbo he'd be back. Marbo said No. He stayed dead.
* You never roll reserve for Sly Marbo. He shows up whenever he feels like it.
* Asurmen taught Karandras how to fight. Sly Marbo taught him how to be sneaky. Living in perpetual fear for your life will do that.
* Jain Zar originally called her aspect the Banshees. One night with Sly Marbo and she just couldn't stop Howling though.
* Fuegan was inspired to create the Fire Dragons after Sly Marbo let him light his cigar.
* Sly Marbo outplayed an entire Noise Marine warband using only an air guitar. He then opened a Webway portal and left by playing Stairway to Heaven.
* Sly Marbo wondered what it would be like if everyone lived in medieval times. So he used some of the Old One's left over stuff and made Warhammer Fantasy.
* A Lord of Change once tried to make Sly Marbo less awesome. Tzeentch caught wind of this and killed him. There are some things that can never change.
* Sly Marbo never accepts promotions. He's already everyone's boss.
* Sly Marbo gave his father "the talk".
* Sly Marbo once brought a knife to a gun fight to even the odds.
* Sly Marbo's tree houses have fully furnished basements.
* When Sly Marbo grabs the Blade of Antwyr it has to resist being possessed by Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo's favorite pet is named Ickle Snootums and follows his every command. Said pet is also a Greater Khornate Daemon.
* Sly Marbo wakes his alarm clock up in the morning.
* A Genestealer tried to infect Sly Marbo, it went back to the brood and started a Sly Marbo cult.
* Sly Marbo disproved that you are what you eat. If it was true he would be Doombreed.
* Sly Marbo skips over step one, two and three. He goes straight to profit.
* Sly Marbo calmed Khorne down, made Slaanesh chaste, made Nurgle sneeze, made Tzeench forget his plans.
* Sly Marbo can describe the taste of water.
* Tyranids didn't eat the Squats, it was Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo went to Khorne's Brass Keep and shook hands with [[Tuska Daemon-Killa]]. Tuska became a perpetual.
* Khaine once tried to touch Sly Marbo, his hand is still bleeding to this day.
* Even [[Assholetep]] do not dare be an asshole with Sly Marbo.
* Dorn gave up designing the perfect fortress when he remembered to factor in Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo is the only one who can defeat [[Chapter Master Smashfucker]] in 1 turn.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y| AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
* The '''MURDER SWORD''' is just Sly's old Boy Scout pocket knife.
* Pepperidge Farm doesn't remember Sly Marbo. But Sly Marbo remembers them.
* The Black Library? Sly Marbo used to go to there all the time during his childhood.
* Sly Marbo is the one who knocks.
* The real reason for fall of the Eldar and the eye of terror creation was that the Khaine was stupid enough to challenge Marbo to a boxing match. The first punch caused the fall of the Eldar and ripped a hole in the fabric of reality.
* Sly Marbo can take off from a planet without needing transportation. This is possible because gravity is too scared to stop him.
* Sly Marbo brings a knife to a Titan fight. Needless to say he still wins.
* When monsters go to bed, they check to see if Marbo is there. They never find him even if he is there.
* Sly Marbo became a Wulfen and got affected by the Black Rage, despite not been a Space Wolf or Blood Angel, and cured himself of both.
* Cocaine gets addicted to Sly Marbo.
* Sly Marbo gets a massage using a thunder hammer.
* On a visit to Terra, Marbo sneezed. The Primarchs were blown across the galaxy as a result, forcing the Emperor to begin the Great Crusade to search for them.
* In 1996, terrorists tried to hijack a local flight. Sly Marbo hijacked them.
* Sly Marbo once played final fantasy 7, he pressed x to issue his first attack and beat the game.
* Sly Marbo is rumored to have <s>survived</s> ''dominated'' in sexual intercourse with Slaanesh itself.
** This rumor is indeed a fact. In hindsight Sly regards Slaanesh as an "easy" in bed (and everywhere else).
* Sly Marbo IS enough dakka.
* Lord Solar Macharius once brought down a fortress with a single word, Sly Marbo once brought down an entire country with one letter.
* It is said that when Vegeta lost the dragonball his rage could be felt across space, time and 20 years into the future. When Sly Marbo got angry his rage created the Warhammer 40,000 universe.
*The quote "all your base are belong to us" is a mistranslation, they actually meant to say "All our bases are belong to Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo once fought Deadpool. They got bored after three days and pranked Commissar Yarrick and Wolverine after eating a mountain of chimichangas.
*Sly Marbo does not fear death, death fears Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo was once attacked by Tyranids. As soon as one bit him, the entire swarm died instantly.
*Sly Marbo and Creed once played chess. Creed's taktikul jeenyis was no match for Sly Marbo's pure badassery.
*Sly Marbo shaves his balls with an angle grinder.
*Sly Marbo likes his meat so rare that he only eats Primarchs. That's why two are unknown.
*Sly Marbo once poked the Eye of Terror.
*Sly Marbo can catch a cold without getting sick.
*Baron Brixius has less health than Sly Marbo.
*In space, no one can hear you scream. Except for Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo is secretly in a shouting match against Khorne and all of the Orks which has lasted since the time of the old ones. Update, Sly Marbo won.
*Sly Marbo is what actually killed Squats.
*Sly Marbo can cross the streams.
*Sly Marbo can call Mr. Popo "Black man".
*Sly Marbo knows how all those squares make a circle. Also he wants his gallon of acid back.
*Sly Marbo is the only one who can make America great again.
**Sly Marbo put Hilary in the presidential election to troll [[/pol/]], then let Trump win because he got annoyed by the gloating of some leftists.
*All these Sly Marbo facts are dumb. If they were real he would appear behind me right now and repeatedly smash my head against my keybayysdfy& yavartvc&c&cyyn srgípan aetj- aťtn q.
*Sly Marbo can't be killed by a crossbow in Shewsbury because he's the one holding it.
*Some Tau found some of Sly Marbo's left over weed. They're now the Etheral Caste.
*Imperial children have posters of space marines in their rooms. Space marines have posters of Marbo in theirs.
*Sly Marbo already beat Half-Life 3.
*Sly Marbo built the pylons of Cadia, but gave them to Trazyn the Infinite as they weren't big enough.
*Sly Marbo played SONNY 3 and wasn't disappointed.
*Colonel Jurten didn't nuke Krieg into a Death World, he just called in a favor from Sly Marbo.
*If you say 'Sly Marbo' three times in front of a mirror, nothing will happen... until Sly Marbo causes exterminatus on that planet.
*sly marbo thinks capital letters are for losers.
*Sylvester Stallone once called Marbo a ripoff and an imposter. He hasn't been able to talk properly since....
*Rogal Dorn may have reviewed Codex Astartes, but Sly Marbo reviewed Lectitio Divinitatus (he gave it 4/10 because it didn't mention any of the facts above).
*Sly Marbo actually bit off Straken's arm. Straken just made up the land shark story because he's too scared of Sly Marbo to tattle on him.
*Sly Marbo chews plutonium and spits out meltabeams.
*Sly Marbo is the Doomguy. [[Doom]] is just the story of his vacation in the Eye of Terror.
*Sly Marbo invented cheese. He then renamed it Rogal Dorn.
*Sly Marbo is an Emperor-damned sexual Tyrannosaurus.
*Sly Marbo is an extreme couponer.
*Sly Marbo gets more girls than James T Kirk. Kirk only gets that many women because a drop of Sly Marbo's sweat landed in his cologne once.
*Sly Marbo's breakfast cereal alone has a power level over 9000
*Sly Marbo brushes his teeth with vortex grenades.
*They say Chuck Norris can kill someone with his stare, but Sly Marbo can kill you just by thinking about you. That means that he can kill you from anywhere at any ti:6,&skr{.
*Sly Marbo is one of the missing Primarchs.
*Sly Marbo made Uplay register at his online service.
*Sly Marbo is the danger.
*Some attack helicopters sexually identify as Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo has lost Russian Roulette 64,543 times against a Warhound Titan Plasma Cannon. His win rate on the other hand is over 9001^9001
*Sly Marbo once enacted Exterminatus upon a daemon world by staring it down.
*Sly Marbo can find Corvus Corax in a game of Hide And Seek.
*Sly Marbo wears power armour to bed.
*[[Carlos McConnell]] claims to be Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo lets him believe that while he takes the virginity of Carlos's catgirl crew.
*Sly Marbo can create a rock so heavy he cannot lift it.
*Sly Marbo can lift that rock. After gold-plating it.
*Sly Marbo can out-bald Indrick Boreale, even with hair.
*Horus gave up fighting the Emperor when he realised he'd have to fight Sly Marbo
*Sly Marbo can move freely during ZA WARUDO.
*Sly Marbo gave [[Belisarius Cawl]] hints on how to build the Armor of Fate. It took him nearly 10,000 years to do it. Sly would have done it in less than 10,000 seconds.
*Sly Marbo could bitchslap [[Ynnead]] to death, but hasn't done so because he wants to see who would win in a fight between Ynnead and Slaanesh.
*The reason it's taken 10,000 years for people to realize that creating Super Space Marines is a good idea is that Sly Marbo can hide himself in peoples memories.
*Sly Marbo once let Trazyn capture him in a stasis field just to see what happened. He escaped with time to place a body double.
**Then he sent Trazyn a letter telling him what he did. Trazyn still has the body double, because Sly Marbo felt sorry for him.
*Sly Marbo's not just a new model for Shadow War: Armageddon, he's an entirely new faction.
*Sly Marbo brushes his teeth with Grombrindal's beard when the vortex grenades don't cut it.
*Sly Marbo knows what happened to Agent Georgia.
*Sly Marbo Abducts Xenos and Probes them.
*Primaris Marines were made after the new model of Sly Marbo in all his glory. Sly's disappointed in them already.
*Sly Marbo can beat Grombrindal in a drinking contest, but Grombrindal laughs it off.
*Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Sly Marbo each night, but never finds him, because he's behind you.
*Sly Marbo is too subtle for [[Oinkbane]].
*It's said that it took Belisarius Cawl 10,000 years to make the Primaris Space Marines. It's because it took him that long to find Sly Marbo.
*Belisarius Cawl failed to make the true Primaris Space Marines. He couldn't clone Sly Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo Sneezes, it is Strength D.
*Everyone fears the Inquisition. The Inquisition fears Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo forged himself out of John Cena, Chuck Norris and a Nokia cellphone.
*Sly Marbo can never earn qualifications or take an exam for his work is so great that no examiner is qualified to review it, besides Sly Marbo of course.
*Sly Marbo went back in time and killed his great grandfather, the resulting paradox barely changed anything as even time itself does not have the balls to erase Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo was all four hoursmen of the apocolypse at once, he was fired by Death for being too hardcore. Death regretted this.
*Sly Marbo created the warp when he was undergoing the "emo phase"
*Ice is just diamond that found out about Sly Marbo.
*Magnus the Red once challenged Marbo to a motorbike race, thinking that he could stop time with his powers, but Marbo didn't slow down when he did so resulting in the greatest discrepancy between 1st and 2nd place time in the history of motorcycling.
*The Cadian gate fell because Sly Marbo was busy elsewhere.
*Chuck Norris's killer, Bruce Lee, once challenged Sly Marbo to a duel. We have a clue as to what happened next, cause we can't find Bruce Lee or Sly Marbo. All we found was the remains of who knows how many solar systems......
*Solar eclipses go blind from staring at Sly Marbo
*When Khaldor Draigo finally opens the box that contains the Terminus Decree, it reveals Sly Marbo's phone number.
*On Marbo's Tinder profile, swiping left is the same as swiping right.
*Sly Marbo always has the high ground. When he doesn't, he tilts the planet.
*Skarbrand stays in a doorframe because Sly Marbo is outside. And inside.
*The Cicatrix Maledictum was created when Marbo struck a home run across the galaxy
*Sly Marbo secretly mentored Kitten, so he could beat Tzeentch in Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker.
*Sly Marbo once beat Khorne at arm wrestling, while having both hands tied behind his back.
*Sly Marbo is secretly fucking Isha behind Nurgle's back.
*Some people say Orks had a beautiful, intricate language. That was before they fought against Sly Marbo.
*The Tau were the best melee fighters in the galaxy until Sly marbo arrived.
*Sly Marbo will kill every enemy of the Imperium just as soon as 999M41 ends.
*Sly Marbo is the reason why the Xeelee engage in timetravel warfare; it's just to get away from him (they aren't successful), (the Photino Birds are fighting the Xeelee because they think the Xeelee will lead Marbo to them).
*Sly Marbo beats the Culture in their microsecond battles since he has the reaction speed of an ominpotent being.
*Sly Marbo once fucked a Tau woman. She later gave birth to Shas'O'Kais.
*The opening scene, of Saving Private Ryan, isn't a depiction of an ancient Terran war it is the depiction of Sly Marbo playing dodge ball
*Remember that picture of D-Day when there was a man carrying a sword...... That's Sly Marbo going on his daily stroll.
*The reason Shadowsun left Kitten was because she met Sly Marbo
* Boss Snikrot and Sly Marbo once played hide and seek. Snikrot has yet to find Marbo. Marbo's been hiding behind him the whole time.
* Marbo screams AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA all the time because he is speaking in a language too evolved for mere mortals to understand.
* Marbo raided the Slanneshmas special not only because Lucius called him up, but also because Bile hadn't given him that five bucks he owes the man! And because that Chaotic Sister of Battle who he can't take seriously is a wonder in bed. (Her name is Miriael Sabathiel and I guess she must use her crazy Daemon tongue, because her armour is fused to her skin.)
* Marbo's ability aren't really booby traps, they're actually places he told the enemy not to go to. Whenever an enemy enters the cover he designated; Marbo plummets from the sky like a drop pod from to engage the poor sods who dare defy him, all the while screaming at the top of his voice. The best thing about this is that even when he's forced off the field; he'll ''still'' do it anyway.
*[[Corvus Corax]] owes Sly Marbo a favor
*Sly Marbo is rumored to be one of the many fragments of The God Emperors soul. But that’s obviously not true because Sly Marbo is way more powerful than even the whole God Emperor.
*Sly Marbo once had sex with a tank, the resulting offspring became Joakim Broden, lead singer of Sabaton.
*Sly Marbo's never hot, even when he's on the sun
*If loyal guardsman will try to befriend Sly Marbo, they'll instantly become Catachan jungle fighter
*Sly Marbo wanted a tan, so he got a starship to throw him through the core of a star... it worked somewhat, where nothing else did.
*Sly Marbo is the reason Urien Rakarth's regeneration process is faulty. Once Marbo killed him, and it hasn't worked right since then.
*Sly Marbo is okay with the Imperium for allying with the Ynnari because Yvraine is an ex-lover of his. Yvraine's crush on Roboute is her trying to find the next best lay to Sly Marbo.
*Sly Marbo beat a Carnifex, a Squiggoth and a Bloodthirster in a 3-1 fight. He won by tying them together with a Trygon and a Mawloc.
*Eversor assassins refuse to attack Sly Marbo.
*The closest Sly Marbo has come to smiling is when Cegorach told him the world's funniest joke.
*Inquisitor Valeria wasn't BLAM!ed for consorting with Trazyn. She met Marbo at a nightclub, they had a one-night stand and she decided to make her new job becoming his personal slut and stays in a beachside cottage whenever he comes by.
*Sly Marbo beat the Swarmlord in an arm-wrestling match. To be fair, the Swarmlord did better than Marneus Calgar.
*The Phoenix Lord Fuegan's firepike is made from a cigarette lighter Sly Marbo threw away.
*Sly Marbo hunted the Lictor Deathleaper and killed it. He took three days to catch it because he decided to give it a sporting chance with a two day head-start.
*Pyrovores explode when they get close to Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo is unharmed.
*Sly Marbo outshot Cypher, Illic Nightspear and a Vindicare Assassin with one eye closed.
*When Sly Marbo feels like eating calamari, he eats a Venomthrope and a Malanthrope, sauted and marinated.
*A sneeze from Sly Marbo is like an earthshaker round.
*Fabius Bile does his work because he's trying to make another Sly Marbo. Sly lets him try because he finds Fabius' futile quest amusing.
*Sly Marbo is the one who killed actually Konrad Curze
*Sly Marbo is so sly, that when he goes into Battle he even surprises himself
*Sly Marbo once fought Kenshiro in a duel. Kenshiro did his famous move and said his catchphrase. However, Kenshiro was already dead.
*Sly Marbo is de whey.
*Sly Marbo touched Tzeentch's spaget!
*Sly Marbo's challenge rating in D&D is not measured in levels, but instead in number of [[tarrasque]]
*Sly Marbo left his own shadow behind, because it cannot keep up with him.
**His now abandoned shadow was mistaken for a ctan by the necrons who attempted to capture it. Needless to say, they did not succeed.
*Sly Marbo's penis is an ap1 weapon which ignores invulnerability saves.
*Sly Marbo encountered a Greater Barking Toad. After 5 days of agonizing pain, the Toad died.
*There is not [[Chaos Gods of Law]] in 40k because Sly Marbo thinks the Warp have enough deities as it is.
*Sly Marbo is what's in the Grey Knights secret box.
*Sly Marbo's sweat, when applied to any surface, will grant immunity to damage. It is a shame that Sly Marbo has never found anything he actually had to try to kill.
*Sly Marbo set the record for the fastest kill of a furry
*Sly Marbo NTRd the guy in the NTRs
*Sly Marbo boots are made from Fulgrim heretic ass
*Thanos required an infinity gauntlet to wipe out half the universe. Sly Marbo requires nothing to wipe out the entire Universe.
*Sly Marbo can kill [[Vulkan]]. Permanently.
*Sly Marbo's knife and bullets are made from Nokias. It is also the only communication device that can survive him.
*A call from Sly Marbo cannot be declined, only answered.
*Sly Marbo can see John Cena.
* When Sly Marbo turns around, the weeping angels dare not touch him. The last one that tried got sent back in time.
* When the Cybermen met Sly Marbo, they deleted themselves.
* Sly Marbo exterminates Daleks.
* Sly Marbo knows the Doctor's real name.
* Sly Marbo killed Hannibal
* Drach'nyen was Sly Marbo's toy sword.
* Terra's water never boiled away. Sly Marbo was just thirsty.
* Sly Marbo hasn't got time to bleed.
* Sly Marbo visited a zombie infested world once. There he bit a zombie and two days later, every zombie was cured.
* When playing Rock Paper Scissors, if Sly Marbo has scissors and you have paper he wins and if he has scissors and you have rock, Marbo still wins.
* Sly Marbo once encountered a bad [[Mary Sue]] OC that was the daughter of the Emperor and Isha and was loved by everyone and was more powerful than everyone ever, she was also 1000000000 years old but looked 18 and she had the Emperor's Sword and couldn't be killed. Sly Marbo wiped her and her creator from existence.
* Sly Marbo never has a pony/furry version of him. This is because anyone who even dares think of doing such a thing gets destroyed.
*If you're on a platform that's higher than Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo still has the high ground.
*Sly Marbo once worked out on an air bike. This bike became so infused with Sly's awesome sweat that it turned into an assault bike which Sly proceeded to ride around the Galaxy before landing on Chogoris. This bike became known as Moondrakkan.
*Sly Marbo killed 4 avatars an ork waaagh and a whole hive fleet by sneezing
*Sly Marbo once ate a Taco Bell bean burrito. The resulting fart became [[Nurgle]].
*It is said that Sly Marbo’s tears can cure the Gellerpox. Trouble is, he’s never cried. (This one came straight from GW!)
*Sly Marbo once got bitten by a Toxicrene. After three days of horrendous pain, the Toxicrene died.
*One time a Tyranid fleet descended on Catachan intent on devouring the planet they were subsequently cooked and eaten by Sly Marbo.
*It's said that a transfusion of Marbo's blood can revive the emperor but the mechanicus can't fabricate a needle strong enough to extract it.
*Sly Marbo is what's in the Deathwatches secret box.
*Sly Marbo is not in any way related to Sly Cooper, in fact he would kill the little raccoon if he ever sees him for stealing his name.
*His bipod has a bipod.
*Sly Marbo got level 100 Colonel on the day Battlefield V launches.
* Sly Marbo can put out a grease fire with water
*Sly Marbo was cooking dinner, but he forgot to get some mushrooms. He replaced the mushrooms with orks since they're both fungi.
*Sly Marbo has seen a Purple Ork.
*Sly Marbo shed only a single tear watching the ending of the Iron Giant, or maybe Terminator 2. Or he was watching both at the same time. Or he watched one and nearly shed a tear then the other pushed him over the edge.
*Sly Marbo has beaten [[Dwarf Fortress|Dorf Fortress]]. He did this while tunneling through the Hidden Fun Stuff to the circus with his teeth on day one, beating the clowns into submission on day two, then building a wing of the fortress there on day three.
*Sly Marbo can kill two stones with one bird.
*Sly Marbo beat the Eye of Terror in a staring contest.
*Sly Marbo can build a snowman out of rain.
*Sly Marbo can unscramble an egg.
*Sly Marbo isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Sly Marbo.
*When Sly Marbo wants pasta, he catches a bunch of Mawlocs, covers them in tomato sauce and eats them.
*He is the best pirate you've ever seen.
*Kellermorph Hybrids carry Stub Revolvers in a vain attempt to impress Sly Marbo.
*Some people say that It was Space Wolves who destroyed the shield of the Will of Eternity during the siege of Cadia, but this Anon believes that It was Sly Marbo. Why? Because he was there, don't question it
*Sly Marbo once punched a ork spore into another dimension, said spore became Gordrakk.
*Maw-krushas are the only creature sly Marbo won't kill, because he doesn't want to kill his pets.
*Sly Marbo edits his own article.

==Fanmade Rules==
Although awesome in their own right, Sly Marbo’s current rules lack the... gravitas and bombasticness of his fan portrayal. As such, some fan made rules are in order (but are still “somewhat” playable).

===8th edition===
{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4 align=left
|- valign=top
! Name !! M !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! A !! Ld !! Sv !! Points
|-
| Sly Marbo || 8" || 2+ || 2+ || 4 || 4 || 9 || 4 || 11 || 2+ || 1000
|}
 

{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4 align=right
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
| Ripper Pistol || 12" || Pistol 2 || 4 || -3 || 2 || Models with less than 10 wounds which are wounded by this weapon are automatically slain.
|-
| Envenomed Blade || Melee || Melee || User || -3 || 1 || This weapon automatically wounds it’s target on a 2+. If you attack with this weapon you may only make 1 attack in total in the fight phase, if that hit is successful however then every enemy model within 3” takes a hit from this profile.
|-
| Penetrating Glare || Infinite || Macro 1 || 32 || -5 || 10 || This attack does not require line of sight, ignores cover and invulnerability saves, and deals any damage dealt in mortal wounds. Any unit destroyed by this attack explodes, dealing D6 mortal wounds to all units within 2D6”.
|-
| Marbo’s Sneeze || 6" || Grenade D6 || 6 || -2 || D3 || -
|}

Abilities:
*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!:
**Sly Marbo may re-roll failed hit and wound rolls and re-roll those failed re-rolls, but only if you scream “AAAAAAAAAAAAA” while doing so. In addition to this, Sly Marbo charges 4D6” instead of 2D6”.

*The Manliest man to ever grace the galaxy:
**Sly Marbo has a 2++ invulnerability save and halves all damage received (rounding down). Any damage saved against by Sly Marbo is also dealt back to the unit which dealt it in the form of mortal wounds.

*Rules are for mortals:
**Sly Marbo does not suffer any penalties for moving and firing any weapons, and may fire all his weapons in the shooting phase (including his grenades).

*Saviour of the galaxy:
**Sly Marbo may not be your warlord, but before the battle begins you may set this model up in reserve wherever he hides before striking. You may deploy this models the end of any of your movement phases 9” or further away from enemy units. Instead of doing this you may instead deploy this model further than 5” of an enemy unit which is about to deal to deal the final wound to your warlord during the fight phase, immediately make a charge roll for Sly Marbo, if the charge is successful then the damage your warlord would receive is ignored and Sly Marbo immediately makes a round of attacks.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
image:Sly Marbo.jpg|Mini in action.
Image:TheNewSly.jpeg|His converted model in action. You can just hear the AAAAAAAAA
Image:Sly Marbo 2017.jpeg
Image:SlyMarbo8thedition.png|He's back. In [[Fail|Resin]] And he's most certainly behind you
</gallery>

{{IG-Characters}}
Sly marbo is love. Sly marbo is life.

Valkyrie

2019-01-02T21:07:33Z

2620:105:B001:B101:9C80:8362:1632:682: /* In Warhammer 40000 */

Valkyries are a term originating from the Nordic religions of the [[Viking]]s, being warrior-women servitors of Odin who invisibly observed battles to seek worthy souls to take to Valhalla. Though most commonly imagined as angels of death who carried away the souls of the slain worthy after the fighting was over, originally they took a more direct role in gathering souls - causing accidents to ensure that a suitably worthy fighter got killed. Often imagined riding flying horses (either winged or simply air-walking) thanks to certain famous Germanic arts, in the original sagas, it's actually implied they ride ''flying fucking giant wolves''.

Very popular motif in Germanic operas.

The word "Valkyrie" means "Chooser of the Slain", and is such a badass term that it gets yoinked in a lot of settings as the name for an air or space fighting machine. Valkyries, or ersatz versions thereof, often show up in fantasy settings and games.

=In Warhammer 40000=
[[Image:Valkyrie 1.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Da-da-da-DA-da, da-da-da-DA-da, da-da-da-DA-da da-da-da-DA!]]
[http://youtu.be/7AlEvy0fJto COME SING WITH ME!]

The '''Valkyrie''' and its derived craft are a series of [[Imperial Navy]] VTOL-capable gunships/dropships capable of carrying [[Imperial Guard|infantry]] squads into battle and provide covering fire. Because of their sizable engines they can travel at considerable speed, evading enemy fire that would otherwise cripple the ship. Also capable of extremely limited flight outside the atmosphere, though the cargo won't thank you if they don't have respirators.

The standard Valkyrie is only lightly armed compared to the others. Sporting a single [[Multilaser]] or [[Lascannon]], two [[Missile Launcher|Hellfury Missiles or Multiple Rocket Pods]], and possibly two sponson-mounted [[Heavy Bolter]]s. Its main feature is a transport capacity of 12 men, whom the Valkyrie can carry across the battlefield fast and in relative safety. Consider it as an objective capper for late-game "YOINK, DONT MIND IF I DO" drop squads.

Given its status as a flying transport/gunship and armament of a Multi-laser and Missiles, it's basically the [[MI-24 Hind]] IN SPACE!!!

==Vendetta==
[[Image:Vendetta.jpg|150px|thumb|left|An unpainted Vendetta displaying its [[Dakka|half-dozen Lascannons]].]]
The Vendetta fills two roles. Aside from its transport capacity of 12, it carries 6 Lascannons to enable it to act as a dedicated vehicle hunter, which generates a lot of [[rage]] as it can be taken in [[cheese|SQUADRONS]]. It pays through the nose for the privilege, but it effectively has the same defensive profile as a Space Marine [[Predator]], the added benefit of being hard to hit, packs 3 more wounds and has the mobility to show up where you want it.

==Vulture==
[[Image:Vulture.jpg|150px|thumb|right|A Vulture armed with a [[Autogun|Punisher Gatling Cannon]]. Sometimes you just need a [[rape|little]] more gun.]]
Foregoing its passenger bay for a single massive engine, the Vulture is the dedicated gunship variant of the Valkyrie. Aside from its nose-mounted Heavy Bolter it can carry any combination of Lascannons, [[Autogun|Autocannons]], Multilasers, [[Missile Launcher|regular missile launchers, Multiple Rocket Pods, Hunter-Killer missiles, Hellfury Missiles, Heavy Bombs]], and even a single twin-linked [[dakka|Punisher Gatling Cannon]] as its primary weapon.

With the 8th edition update the Vulture Gunship Punisher cannon lost twin linked and just became 'twin' meaning the Punisher Vulture puts out 43 shots a turn with strafing run, the only model in the navy that kept the rule. The massive points drop for its other weapon options are a pretty big deal too, but nobody with the means will ever use them except for a gimmick.

To invoke maximum nerd rage, use Harrier Jump Jet model at 1:35 scale to represent this model if you don't have 150+$ laying around.

==Sky Talon==
[[Image:Sky Talon.jpg|150px|thumb|left|A Sky Talon displaying its empty magnetic clamps. Due to its uselessness as a transport, this is the most common state it will be found in.]]

A Valkyrie that has had its weapons and crew compartment scrapped in favor of four magnetic clamps that can carry either two [[Sentinel|Drop Sentinels]] or a single [[Tauros|Tauros or Venator]].

In [[Dawn of War]], this is the vehicle that drops off prefabricated Imperial Guard vehicle components, as well as parts for the [[Baneblade]] at the Mars Pattern Command.

In [[Dawn of War 2]], it drops off turrets, personnel, and vehicles.

While these flying heavy Bolters lack real purpose as transport (noting that Tauros are fast vehicles, and drop sentinels can deep strike), consider taking them for their Multiple rocket pods option:
At the same points cost as single Taurox, and with rocket pods they can really ruin light infantry's day (2 5" blasts and TL Bolter, for 100pts? and it flies? thx me want).

==Reasons to Rock a Few Valkyries/Vendettas/Vultures==
[[File:Valkyria.jpg|200px|thumb|right|A Valkyrie equipped with Hellfire Missiles.]]
Valkyries are a means to deposit your 3 command squads with plasma/melta/flamers where and how you want them, and a fair bit tougher than the Chimera.
Vendettas are to all intents and purposes, flying SM predators. Since SM Predators are Good now, this must logically mean the Vendetta is Better. The 12 model transport capacity just rubs it in.
The Punisher Vulture on the other hand will get you assaulted in the street what with rocking an average of 15~ wounds on marines a turn by itself.

The downside is, as always, the model's price. The Vendetta runs even pricier since you have to buy the twin-linked Lascannons in resin from Forge World (CASH FOR THE CASH GOD, DEBT FOR THE DEBT THRONE!). But presuming you already have some spare parts left from your heavy weapons teams armed with AC or ML you have pretty nice source of LC (unfortunately you'll need five of them). Cut one to glue it right under the front LC that goes with the default kit. Glue other four to wings and you're good to take off.

They also take up a lot of space, so put some cash aside for model cases. This can be helped with not gluing wings, so they can be detached from hull. Wings will stay on their places pretty firmly for a table top game.

A further method exists for the more psychotic amongst you with a surplus of magnets - glue the main hull as normal apart from the front most 'D' pane, and the two engines. Use a pin vice or drill (4mm works well) to place magnets in these holes and pair them to the 'studs' of the engine blocks. Now glue the cockpit to the D section. the shape of the engine intakes means that when the magnets snap into place, the engines hold the cockpit on the front - saving about 4 inches of space.

The Vulture, being 5 blocks of resin and one half of the Valkyrie kit needs a different approach. Instead of a detachable cockpit section you're pretty much required to weld it to the engine block as the join is very narrow and the section is remarkably heavy. Instead, thanks to the socketed sections in the engine block it's possible to make both the wings and the tail booms detachable with some filing to even out the connection points and a few magnets to hold them in place.

{{Militarum-Tempestus}}
{{Imperial-Guard}}
{{Lost-and-Damned}}
{{Inquisition}}
{{Sisters-of-Silence}}
{{40k-Imperial-Vehicles}}

Valkyrie

2019-01-02T20:59:17Z

2620:105:B001:B101:9C80:8362:1632:682:

Valkyries are a term originating from the Nordic religions of the [[Viking]]s, being warrior-women servitors of Odin who invisibly observed battles to seek worthy souls to take to Valhalla. Though most commonly imagined as angels of death who carried away the souls of the slain worthy after the fighting was over, originally they took a more direct role in gathering souls - causing accidents to ensure that a suitably worthy fighter got killed. Often imagined riding flying horses (either winged or simply air-walking) thanks to certain famous Germanic arts, in the original sagas, it's actually implied they ride ''flying fucking giant wolves''.

Very popular motif in Germanic operas.

The word "Valkyrie" means "Chooser of the Slain", and is such a badass term that it gets yoinked in a lot of settings as the name for an air or space fighting machine. Valkyries, or ersatz versions thereof, often show up in fantasy settings and games.

=In Warhammer 40000=
[[Image:Valkyrie 1.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Da-da-da-DA-da, da-da-da-DA-da, da-da-da-DA-da da-da-da-DA!]]
[http://youtu.be/7AlEvy0fJto COME SING WITH ME!]

The '''Valkyrie''' and its derived craft are a series of [[Imperial Navy]] VTOL-capable gunships/dropships capable of carrying [[Imperial Guard|Infantry]] squads into battle and provide covering fire. Because of their sizable engines they can travel at considerable speed, evading enemy fire that would otherwise cripple the ship. Also capable of extremely limited flight outside the atmosphere, though the cargo won't thank you if they don't have respirators.

The standard Valkyrie is only lightly armed compared to the others. Sporting a single [[Multilaser]] or [[Lascannon]], two [[Missile Launcher|Hellfury Missiles or Multiple Rocket Pods]], and possibly two sponson-mounted [[Heavy Bolter]]s. Its main feature is a transport capacity of 12 men, whom the Valkyrie can carry across the battlefield fast and in relative safety. Consider it as an objective capper for late-game "YOINK, DONT MIND IF I DO" drop squads.

Given its status as a flying transport/gunship and armament of a Multi-laser and Missiles, it's basically the [[MI-24 Hind]] IN SPACE!!!

==Vendetta==
[[Image:Vendetta.jpg|150px|thumb|left|An unpainted Vendetta displaying its [[Dakka|half-dozen Lascannons]].]]
The Vendetta fills two roles. Aside from its transport capacity of 12, it carries 6 Lascannons to enable it to act as a dedicated vehicle hunter, which generates a lot of [[rage]] as it can be taken in [[cheese|SQUADRONS]]. It pays through the nose for the privilege, but it effectively has the same defensive profile as a Space Marine [[Predator]], the added benefit of being hard to hit, packs 3 more wounds and has the mobility to show up where you want it.

==Vulture==
[[Image:Vulture.jpg|150px|thumb|right|A Vulture armed with a [[Autogun|Punisher Gatling Cannon]]. Sometimes you just need a [[rape|little]] more gun.]]
Foregoing its passenger bay for a single massive engine, the Vulture is the dedicated gunship variant of the Valkyrie. Aside from its nose-mounted Heavy Bolter it can carry any combination of Lascannons, [[Autogun|Autocannons]], Multilasers, [[Missile Launcher|regular missile launchers, Multiple Rocket Pods, Hunter-Killer missiles, Hellfury Missiles, Heavy Bombs]], and even a single twin-linked [[dakka|Punisher Gatling Cannon]] as its primary weapon.

With the 8th edition update the Vulture Gunship Punisher cannon lost twin linked and just became 'twin' meaning the Punisher Vulture puts out 43 shots a turn with strafing run, the only model in the navy that kept the rule. The massive points drop for its other weapon options are a pretty big deal too, but nobody with the means will ever use them except for a gimmick.

To invoke maximum nerd rage, use Harrier Jump Jet model at 1:35 scale to represent this model if you don't have 150+$ laying around.

==Sky Talon==
[[Image:Sky Talon.jpg|150px|thumb|left|A Sky Talon displaying its empty magnetic clamps. Due to its uselessness as a transport, this is the most common state it will be found in.]]

A Valkyrie that has had its weapons and crew compartment scrapped in favor of four magnetic clamps that can carry either two [[Sentinel|Drop Sentinels]] or a single [[Tauros|Tauros or Venator]].

In [[Dawn of War]], this is the vehicle that drops off prefabricated Imperial Guard vehicle components, as well as parts for the [[Baneblade]] at the Mars Pattern Command.

In [[Dawn of War 2]], it drops off turrets, personnel, and vehicles.

While these flying heavy Bolters lack real purpose as transport (noting that Tauros are fast vehicles, and drop sentinels can deep strike), consider taking them for their Multiple rocket pods option:
At the same points cost as single Taurox, and with rocket pods they can really ruin light infantry's day (2 5" blasts and TL Bolter, for 100pts? and it flies? thx me want).

==Reasons to Rock a Few Valkyries/Vendettas/Vultures==
[[File:Valkyria.jpg|200px|thumb|right|A Valkyrie equipped with Hellfire Missiles.]]
Valkyries are a means to deposit your 3 command squads with plasma/melta/flamers where and how you want them, and a fair bit tougher than the Chimera.
Vendettas are to all intents and purposes, flying SM predators. Since SM Predators are Good now, this must logically mean the Vendetta is Better. The 12 model transport capacity just rubs it in.
The Punisher Vulture on the other hand will get you assaulted in the street what with rocking an average of 15~ wounds on marines a turn by itself.

The downside is, as always, the model's price. The Vendetta runs even pricier since you have to buy the twin-linked Lascannons in resin from Forge World (CASH FOR THE CASH GOD, DEBT FOR THE DEBT THRONE!). But presuming you already have some spare parts left from your heavy weapons teams armed with AC or ML you have pretty nice source of LC (unfortunately you'll need five of them). Cut one to glue it right under the front LC that goes with the default kit. Glue other four to wings and you're good to take off.

They also take up a lot of space, so put some cash aside for model cases. This can be helped with not gluing wings, so they can be detached from hull. Wings will stay on their places pretty firmly for a table top game.

A further method exists for the more psychotic amongst you with a surplus of magnets - glue the main hull as normal apart from the front most 'D' pane, and the two engines. Use a pin vice or drill (4mm works well) to place magnets in these holes and pair them to the 'studs' of the engine blocks. Now glue the cockpit to the D section. the shape of the engine intakes means that when the magnets snap into place, the engines hold the cockpit on the front - saving about 4 inches of space.

The Vulture, being 5 blocks of resin and one half of the Valkyrie kit needs a different approach. Instead of a detachable cockpit section you're pretty much required to weld it to the engine block as the join is very narrow and the section is remarkably heavy. Instead, thanks to the socketed sections in the engine block it's possible to make both the wings and the tail booms detachable with some filing to even out the connection points and a few magnets to hold them in place.

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Deffkoptas

2019-01-02T20:58:14Z

2620:105:B001:B101:9C80:8362:1632:682: /* No, but seriously */

[[File:Deffkopta.jpg|300px|right]]
{{Topquote|Wot's faster than a warbuggy, more killy than a warbike, and flies through da air like a bird? I got no bleedin' idea, but I'm gonna find out.|Kog da Flymek, pioneer of the Deffkopta}}

Alternatively:

''"Harharhar! Humie don' surf!"''

==No, but seriously==
A Deffkopta is an [[Ork]] flying device resembling a crude helicopter or gyrocopter built to seat one (the pilot) and carry a set of underslung weaponry, generally twin-linked big shootas, bazookas or mega-blastas. The vehicle usually has additional rocket thrusters installed on it to aid the velocity-addicted greenskin manning it to get his nonexistent rocks off even harder than already possible, notwithstanding how senseless jamming rockets onto a helicoper is (unless they're the shoot-at-the-other-guy kind). Some daring flyboys go so far as to modify their rawket lawnchair with a chainsaw or rotary saw blade sticking out the bottom to driveby-slit-up gits with, unheeding of the danger of snagging it on something and then slamming face first into the ground. It is the logical extension of the average Kult of Speed fanatics' MO and one would not at all be wrong to think of it as essentially being an airborne Waaaghbike, sometimes even being constructed from the remains of one [[Looted|(though that doesn't mean much with Orks anyway)]].

So it came to pass that in the 41st millenium, as the humans were rocking a transport craft that was the [[Valkyrie|Mil Mi-24 Hind in design, carrying capacity, combat role, and armament but exactly not name]], the Orks were still the only ones with any actual helicopters. Well, sort of. Gyrocopters of one kind or another make several appearances in the literature, but these are almost exclusively for civilian and non-combat roles, so rather, the Orks are the only ones that still fly helicopters into battle.

It should be noted that you are extremely unlikely to face one in an actual battle though, as the only model available for sale is a piece of crap pewter dual-rotor revolver-armed model. In 5th edition, there were actually alright plastic models for the Deffkopta, which appeared in the starter set Assault On Black Reach. But now the only way to get your grubby little mitts on the things is Ebay, or other third parties, as to my knowledge they never saw a separate release, and even if they did they no longer have it. So until GeeDubs get around to actually giving these guys viable models don't expect to lock horns with this beast any time soon. (A few were released in plastic for the Assault on Black Reach starter set, which would resurface, albeit in colored plastic, for the Battle for Vedros starter sets.)

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[[Category:Vehicles]]