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Pathetic Marines

2022-07-11T00:47:31Z

2A01:799:622:9E00:E180:78CA:A694:8414: grammar

{{awesome}}

{{Infobox Spess Mahreen Chapter
|Name = Pathetic Marines
|Heraldry = [[File:fuckpaint.jpg|140px]]
|Battle Cry = "None more pathetic!" and "Your best is still our worst!"
|Founding = M31 during the Horus Heresy
|Successors of = Multiple Loyalist Chapters
|Successor Chapters = Hopefully none.
|Chapter Master = Heavy Bolter Guy, Atticuss Sackituss
|Primarchs = Multiple
|Homeworld = "The Bastion of Weakness" Space Hulk
|Specialty = Jack of All Trades,Being Pathetic
|Strength = Around 1000 Marines
|Allegiance = [[Imperium]]
|Colours = None
}}

''MY SONS AND WARRIORS, I CALL NOW TO THE LOWEST AND WEAKEST AMONG YOU, THAT YOU MIGHT KNOW THE TASK SET BEFORE YOU. YOU ARE '''THE WEAKEST''' AND '''TRULY THE MOST PATHETIC''' OF ALL WHO BEAR THE GENE-SEED OF YOUR FATHERS, THE ONES WOULD DIE WITHOUT GLORY OR NAMES. WERE IT NOT THAT I HAD NEED OF EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR PATHETIC SOULS, YOU WOULD HAVE ALL OF YOU DIED ALONE AND UNREMEMBERED. BUT THAT FATE IS ONE YOU WILL NO LONGER FULFILL. YOU WILL ALL RETREAT TO YOUR CHAPTER ARMORY AND TAKE UP THE FIRST PIECE OF WARGEAR THAT FALLS BEFORE YOUR GAZE. BE IT A WEAPON OF TRUE GLORY OR A SIMPLE BOX OF AMMUNITION, BE IT PERFECTION WROUGHT BY HUMAN HANDS OR AN ABOMINATION OF XENOS DESIGN. YOU WILL TAKE WHAT YOU FIND ,AND ONE SHIP OF YOUR CHOOSING, AND MEET WITH YOUR NEWFOUND BROTHERS AT THE EYE OF TERROR. NOW GO MY SONS, MY ONES MOST PATHETIC, AND LET YOUR ENEMIES KNOW THAT EVEN WARRIORS AS PATHETIC AS YOU WILL KNOW NO FEAR.''- The God Emperor of Mankind upon creating the Chapter.

"GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU CRAZY INNOCENT BURNING WITCH!"- Last conversation between Chapter Master Atticuss Sackituss and Lord High Inquisitor Marietta Von Brundervane of the Ordo Hereticus, just before initiating a Warp Jump.

The '''Pathetic Marines''' are a chapter of [[Space Marines]] born from one of the multiple threads that populate /tg/, on [[4chan]].
The chapter is composed of the most pathetic marines from each of the Loyalist Chapters of the Horus Heresy,assembled together to be sent on a crusade against the Arch-Traitor himself.
Their failure was obvious.
They did not only fail to kill [[Horus]], but even failed to reach him in the first place, crushing together every ship in their fleet as soon as they exited the Warp, creating the poor excuse they call their Fortress Monastery.
For some years after the merging of their fleet, all the marines wandered trough the huge structure, mapping it and finding that every ship had no real Warp induced change.
A lot of time was spent then trying to establish a chain of command.
After what seemed a few years in the Pathetic Marines' point of view their Fortress emerged from the Eye of Terror, revealing that actually they have been considered dead for ten thousand years.

== Overview ==

While they see themselves as awfully pathetic, the Pathetic Marines can be considered very well equipped by the 41st Millennium's standards. Every marine has his gene seed coming directly from their own [[Primarch]], have participated in the [[Great Crusade]] and is equipped with weaponry that today is considered to be an awesome and awe-inspiring relic.
The chapter's modus operandi is not defined at all, as it's an ever-changing mixture of the various combat doctrines that each marine learnt in his original chapter.
While all this diversity may be challenging for the commanders to deal with, it works surprisingly well, often pulling out of each marine the best aspects of his combat doctrine and creating a mixture of tactics and strategies so complex and idiotically convoluted that even [[Tzeentch]] couldn't foresee it.
Still, compared to the combat effectiveness of other chapters, they are very weak and lack the aura of strength that every Astartes worth of his name should show.
Their battle cries reflect this dual reality perfectly. The two chapter's cries are usually used in tandem, as the first 'None more pathetic!' is shouted to notify to both friends and foes that the Pathetic Marines are far from being the Emperor's finest, but 'Your best is still our worst!' serves to remind the enemies of the Imperium that despite being Space Marines full of flaws, they are Space Marines nonetheless, and will still fight to the death (or almost) in every and any battlefield.

== Relations ==

[[File:Clawmarine.jpg|left|200px|thumb|No wonder they are friendly with radical inquisitors.]] The relations that the Pathetic Marines have with the Imperium are ones of love-hate.

In the Inquisition's archives there are multiple recorded arguments between Chapter Master Atticuss and many puritan inquisitors, while many a radical inquisitor are considered friends of the chapter.

"''Very often happens that a puritan inquisitor decides that he has to hunt and kill a certain radical inquisitor. Not very often happens that someone puts themselves between two such opponents. Even less often those someone are Space Marines. I must thank those Pathetic Marines for still being alive today. They had impressive xeno technologies that were quite difficult to come by, and were in fact looking for someone with the skill to help them activate an Eldar Webway Portal. When I found that they had multiple artefacts of such caliber I asked for a few, expecting a high toll, but in return, in exchange they simply asked my Jokearo. I gladly gave him to them, indeed, but now I'm wondering for what purpose!''"

-Radical Inquisitor Emil Von Ansanger, when conversing with one of his accolytes.

The Adeptus Mechanicus is like an exasperation of the relation they have with the Inquisition.
Multiple times squads of Skitarii have been sent to destroy what is considered tech-heresy and kill every marine involved with such objects, while many other times they have come crawling on their knees , praying to be permitted to enter some areas of the Bastion of Weakness, where multiple STCs were thought to be.

[[File:Jokearoofrepentance.png|200px|thumb|left|Another thing that doesn't sit well with the Ecclesiarchy is the fact that a jokearo is the strongest religious figure in the chapter.]]
The relations with the Ecclesiarchy are complex too, as the priests try to push onto the marines beliefes about the Emperor that are not their own, as the see him as their All-loving, Ever-living, Always-protecting father and not as a silly Deity of some sorts.
While they argue with the priests, they end up sometimes even fighting uber-fanatical Sororitas teams. It doesn't end well for the Sisters usually, as many among the Pathetic Marines, are incurable womanizers.
The Imperial Navy is aroused but not amused by the Pathetic Marines, as they think of the Bastion of Weakness as a horrendously idiotic thing, and appear disgusted at the mere thought that someone may call it a "starship".

Usually the Imperial Guard regiments and PDFs that have the Pathetic Marines as allies are delighted by their presence.
It may be for the fact that many borderline-heretic shenanignas are pulled off by said marines.

Additionally, many of the Pathetic Marines hold major dislike for their fellow Space Marine Legions, distrusting members of the "Bloody Magpies"-"Maroon Kiwis"-"Red Chickens", or Blood Ravens to the rest of the Galaxy, on accusations of theft. Due to their general infatuation with modified Xenos technology, the Black Templars refuse any and all friendly communication with the Pathetic Marines, believing them to be little better- if not worse- than the heretics the Templars seek to purge. Ultramarines also share a less than ideal relationship with the Pathetic Marines, spontaneously bursting into tears and saying quote "The Codex Astartes does not support this action" and "Muh Codex" on multiple occasions. On a more friendly note, the Salamanders applaude the welcoming nature of the Pathetic Marines, though this is likely just the inability of the Watch to secure a perimeter around any camp they make. Space Wolves too enjoy the company of Pathetic Marines, claiming they "Act stupider than a Wulfen drunk on Fenrisian Ale".

== Ranks ==

'''Chapter Master''': Heavy Bolter Guy, Saint Atticuss Sackituss

''Chapter Master Honor Guard'': Scoped Flamethrower Marine, Tesla Choppa Astartes, Patheticnought Neutron Blaster

''Chapter Champion'': One of the marines drafted from the Honor Company. Upon death by explosion, another marine will be drafted.

''Honor company'': all those with Melta Bombs and the ''gets Hot'' trait.

''Master of Sanctity'': Jokaero the jokaero, former adjutant of an inquisitor aided by the chapter, is actually more religious than the inquisitor himself

''Psykers'': Librarian Flamer, Zoant Hrope

''Master of the Relics and Chief Techmarine'': Erasmus

'''I Company, Throwers''': one-time-use weapons company, fast attack veterans

''Captain'': That Captain whose powerfist won't fit

''Honor Guard'': Sargent Redshirt with a stick, Brother Bone

'''II Company, Soulreavers''':

''Captain'':

'''III Company, Fleshbanes''':

''Captain'': Doomaius ‘’Fleshbane’’ Gaius

''Captain’s Honor Guard'': Genestealer Claw Marine, Plasma Cannon Marine

'''IV Company, Blunthammers''': all weapons are blunted

''Captain'':Blunted Lascannon Marine

''Sergeants'': Ies Sost blind scout

''Captain's Honor Guard'': Blunt Flamer Marine

'''V Company, the Bullseyes''': Sniper Company

''Captain'': Shotgun Sniper Marine, now in a patheticnought frame

''Captain's Honor guard'': Lead-Throwa, Monster Hunter Sniper Rifle Guy

'''VI Company, Do It Yourselfers''': (mostly) techmarine company, have only unrefined equipment

''Captain'': Timmius Allenus

'''VII Company, Utensils''': Support Company

''Captain'':Utilitus ‘’Iron Halo’’ Maximus

''Captain's Honor Guard'': Marine Who Somehow Came Into Possession of a Webway Gate,

'''VIII Company, The Grinders''': Devastator Company

''Captain'': Necron Staff of Light brother No.1

''Captain's Honor Guard'': Pyrus, Anti-Tank Bolt Pistol Marine, Heavy Rail Rifle Tauminator,

'''IX Company''': Extermination Company, bringing the BRUTALITY in brute force

''Captain'': Davik Orellini

''Captain's Honor Guard'': Marine Wielding a Poisoned Power Fist,

''Sergeants'': Kallis the Wielder of the Tesla Grav-Pistol,

'''X Company, Blindwing''': scout company, every non-scout space marine is blind by deterioration of ocular bulbs, thanks to the damn Warp.

''Captain'': Not-Blind-Anymore Thunderhammer Terminator Blindus Martellus Ismael Messenius Aureus Donum Solis

''Captain’s Honor Guard'': Blind Gauss Missile Launcher Guy

''Company's Chaplain'': Notan Ecron

''Sergeants'': Sgt. Of the Watch, Phaereal the Blind, Blind Torrent Necron Tesla Carbine, Carlos Saganius Memeius

'''This section is still subject to change'''

== Tales of the Chapter ==

''How the chapter was born''

None know when the call came, only that it did. It was said that across the galaxy, for the Damocles Gulf to the Eye of Terror, that the Emperors Angles of Death beheld a vision of their long dead lord. That the Emperor would speak to His greatest warriors on such a scale was unheard of, and one would think that His stagnated Imperium would weep with joy. This was not the case, for those He spoke to were not believed until it was far to late for them to explain. For while the Emperor spoke to each Chapter of His Space Marines, only one amongst each of them was so blessed. And He did not speak to the greatest of them, nor to the wisest. Not the strongest, or the most cunning. Not the fastest or the bravest. No, the Emperor of All Mankind, in all of His benevolence and boundless wisdom, spoke to the lowliest and least memorable of His Marines, the one most pathetic of each Chapter. It will never be known what the Emperor said His most Pathetic Sons, but from their battle cries and snatched bits of Vox communications, we can devise the Knowledge that was bestowed upon them.
He rallied their pathetic hearts with a most wondrous speech and gave their poor souls a purpose.
And so the Emperor's least favored sons set about their task. Across the Imperium, the One Most Pathetic of his Chapter set about the great quest set before them. Each of them left all that they had, save for their armor and their faith, and found what the Emperor had given them. True to their name, the Ones Most Pathetic found a maddening and in many cases bewildering artifact to take with them one their new Crusade. Some found simple weapons, a heavy bolter, a flamer, or even a simple auspex. Others found items stranger still, Xenos weapons like choppas and Tesla Carbines, and artifacts of unknowable potential to the lowly brothers who took the up. You may wonder, "How could ever Space Marines so pathetic take up these sacred treasures and Xeno creations?" And that is something we may ask until the end of time itself. Those who claim to have witnessed the Taking of the Gift, as the event was later know, say that each Marine merely walked straight into their Chapters armory from wherever they happened to be. Danger seemed to avoid them, security systems from the Dark Age of Technology granted them passage without issue. Soon, each of the Ones Most Pathetic had taken his Gift, and each made his own way to the Eye, each knowing in his hearts and soul where to go.
[[File:Warpfuckery.jpg|left|350px|thumb|This is the most accurate answer to expect from a Pathetic Marine.]]
And the soon christened Pathetic Marines found their ways to the Eye, each bringing a ship no less mismatched from the others than their weaponry. Each Pathetic Marine knew the exact point in space from which to begin their crusade, and each headed to it heedless of his new brothers around him. And, in what call only be described as a true miracle of the Emperor, all survived the ensuing calamity. Each and every ship collided with it's brothers at the same moment, and not one destroyed itself. No, for those ships became the new and forever home of the Pathetic Marines, the Space Hulk BASTION OF WEAKNESS. After the devastating birth of the knew Hulk, the Pathetic Marines came together, shorn of their old colors and loyalties, to proclaim their newfound purpose. Replacing their individual Chapter marks and colors, the Ones Most Pathetic took up their own banner (colors and heraldry undecided as of now). Each Marine also forsook the name given to him, whether from Chapter or birth. Every Pathetic Marine took up the name of his Gift, and the took their crusade into the heart of Chaos itself.
And there are those of you who would wonder, "But why would such cruel words from the Master of Mankind spawn such fervor, such unyielding devotion in those He favored least? Surely such scorn would drive His most loyal servants into the deepest despair?" And to you who doubt the Emperor, and who doubt His Least favored, I say this: you did not hear His voice, you did not here how He spoke those word you call scornful. You did not hear His pride, His paternal affection that gave us our faith. You did not hear His benevolent patients in His weakest sons, or His sorrow in what He had asked of us. For we may be His Least Favored, but know that we are His Most Worthy."

-''Heavy Bolter Guy, Most Pathetic of Them All, Most Worthy of Them All, Atticuss Sackituss, Chapter Master of the Pathetic Marines.''

==''The Rage of the III Company''==

The 3rd Company of the Pathetic Marines is probably one of the least pathetic among the ten.
They are called “The Fleshbanes”, after their captain, Doomaius “Fleshbane” Gaius, and all of them present an unnatural aggressiveness towards what is daemonic and/or huge.
No official statement has been made by the Chapter Master about the theory that will be written here.

Recently updated records say that the Pathetic Crusade ended even before it had begun, as 98,6745631991357% of the ships collided upon exiting the warp, creating the Bastion of Weakness.
‘’Rarely is noted the fact that this event happened within the Eye of Terror.’’
When they returned they found themselves out of place and in a completely different time; truly a pathetic situation. In fact while in Real-Space passed ten thousand years, for them it looked like only a couple had passed since their departure.

Even they believed that they were away for a few years, they were still a few years in the realm where Chaos ruled supreme. The choices were two for many: slack off or go killing daemons.
Those who chose the second option today compose the III Company.
Was it was the blood? The Warp influence? Or simply a fate’s joke? Nobody knows, but the Fleshbanes, and their captain in primis, took a hate for any Warp-Spawn being.
While the Pathetic Marines keep bragging about their patheticness, many of them are actually brutally efficient warriors, and the marines of the 3rd company are a shining example:
in multiple sectors people tell legends about the Emperor’s Angels who descended from the skies directly upon their foes and began attacking wildly while screaming “RIP AND TEAR! RIP AND TEAR UNTIL IT’S DONE!” while felling even the biggest of the giants with furious salvos and righteous blows.

[[File:Captainfleshbane.png|300px|thumb|left|''[...] and lo! There the Emperor's Angels of Death would come, and there they would rip and tear every foe, until it is done.'' ]]I was present with my acolytes during one of such events.

It was moving, to say the least.

Seeing how they fought with such fury replenished in my heart the feeling that under the light of the Emperor, surely mankind will triumph against every and any foe.

The one thing that left me speechless and made me wait for a couple of decades before talking about it again was how the Pathetic Marines handled the Daemon invasion of Yegua 5.
The planet, in the first place, was a mess: Chaos cults were everywhere, the PDF was composed of barely a thousand men, all of which were gathered in the Governor’s palace, citizens were all the time on the brink of starting a planet-wide rebellion, all it needed was a little push from the outside.
A Desolator-class Chaos Battleship was that little push.
The cults rose from the underhives, warp-spawns started appearing everywhere and within few hours the civilian casualties numbered in millions.
A plead for help was sent by the Planetary Governor, I received it and I put it trough to the Marines, which I was travelling together with at the time in order to improve the relations between the inquisition and the chapter.
I remember some of the things said during their commanders’’ discussion about who to send there:

“Did anybody say Daemons? RIP AND TEAR!”

“Let them do it themselves!”

“We should at least give some support!”

“I agree, as long as there are no Necrons there!”

“I can’t see shit, brothers!”

In the end they voted for “RIP AND TEAR” as a resolution method. Thus the 3rd Company was sent there.
By the time they arrived every single human was dead or corrupted, the planet had become itself fully tainted by Chaos.
There was only one way all this could end.
In slaughter.
Every single living thing, if daemons even really live, was slain, ripped and tore into pieces.
A mere hundred marines, against millions.
The daemons didn’t stood a chance.
Six month of continuous fighting, 3 marines and a couple of Khorne Berzerkes later, appeared the strongest being remembered in that war: a Bloodthirster of Khorne.
This daemon, lured by the bloodshed, entered the mortal realm roaring and stampeding trough the main Hive.

And while I won’t say that Doomaius did duel against it and killed it by furiously and continuously punching its face for an entire day, I won’t say he didn’t.

On a side note, the first achievement scored by the 3rd Company during that war was actually boarding the Desolator battleship and make it crash down on the planet surface after conquering it from within.

-''Inquisitorial Record n.4358376-539, Inquisitor Emil Von Ansanger, De Miserationi Adepti Astarti ''

==''The Unfortunate Eldar Ship''==

Every Eldar I have met during my explorations claimed that thier race is the most expert in the art of void combat, I seriously doubt so.
After one of the mani quasi-random Warp Jumps of the Bastion of Weakness, the Pathetic Marines found themselves exactly next to a Eldar Corsair Voidstalker.
By the garbled vox trasmissions between the (supposed) command bridge of the Bastion and the Voidstalker it appears that the Eldar mistook our loyal Astartes for Chaos warriors, nothing less than Chaos space marines!
The Marines engaged the xenos in boarding action...
Or the Eldar did...
Or even both...
[[File:damnmonkeigh.png|400px|thumb|left|If by "something" we mean jokearo heavy digital weapons, yes, the Corsair troops were killed by something.]]
(''In any case, anyone that is foolish enough to fight a Space Hulk is anything but an expert in void combat.'')
In any case, the battle was fierce, very fierce indeed. The Captain of the Sniper Company himself was wounded so gravely in battle that he had to be transferred into a Pathetic Engine (Patheticnought) in order to survive.
The battle raged on for a few minutes, then every Eldar died because of... ''"something"''.
The Captain of the IX company was the one that decided to drive the damaged ship into the Bastion in order for the Hulk to absorbe it, but this plan didn't last for long as another peculiar thing was caught on the long range auspex...

-''Inquisitorial Record n.4358376-476, Inquisitor Emil Von Ansanger, De Miserationi Adepti Astarti ''

==''The Sanctification of Atticuss Sackituss''==

As the auspexes calculated the exact location of the new object, the Captain of the Ninth was driving the captured Void Stalker towards the Bastion of Weakness so that the Space Hulk would absorb the xeno ship into its clusterfuck of battle barges and strike cruisers.
Within 5 minutes the Chapter Master, the 5th, the 9th and the 10th Company were on their way to the unknown object, all the while the Captain of the 9th was still driving (''It is still unknown to me how he was managing to.'') the Voidstalker towards the Space Hulk.
Thunderhawks arrived engines roaring to the unknown object, that by the looks of it was merely an asteroid.
But auspexes can locate astounds around ships without problem and with much ease, so that asteroid had more than met the eyes of the landing force.

Except for the members of the 10th, they were all blindfolded.

Ironically enough, it was one of the terminators of the 10th that tripped over a rock and found an entrance to a cave, which was strangely geometrical and decorated, and glowing green.
For a while nothing happened as the Marines proceeded trough the cave, guided by the apparently well informed Brother Notan Ecron, then, out of nowhere, a chasm appeared, glowing with a sick green light, silent.
The Marines cared not and proceeded to poke around.
With the poking came xeno weaponry and "other stuff" to quote their Techmarines' reports. Many Astartes would have been behaving in a most careful way in a situation like that, but not the Pathetic Marines, for either they were absolutely oblivious of the danger or simply did not care.

At some point appeared a figure, which the Marines testify they didn't notice until one of the Scout-Terminators tripped over its foot, which was stupidly big and skeletal in appearance. While the poking around intensified and the Marines' curiosity reached sky high levels, the structure didn't remain still for much longer.
The impact with the figure triggered the activation of the whole structure, revealing to the Marines a terrible twist.

Xenos.

Everywhere.

Enough to make an Ordo Xeno Inquisitor giggle in a most heretical manner.

From that chasm they found before started to crawl out what the marines reported at "skeleton robot zombies with flashy guns" (''The current Xeno Index has identified such creatures as "Necrons".'') .
The figure that was standing still on which the Terminator tripped now was coming back to life, its green eyes flashing menacingly and its metallic body starting to move.
It first backhanded a scout marine in the face, then it looked around to find the chief of the interlopers and locked eyes with the Chapter Master Atticuss.
The honour-guard of the Chapter Master reported that this peculiar Necron (later found out by the descriptions to be a Necron Lord) started to talk in some incomprehensible language to Atticuss.
While the 5th, 9th and 10th Companies were holding off the first Necron Warriors that had arrived, Chapter Master Atticuss Sackituss answered to the Xeno's menacing words in the only way he knew: by starting to banter in High Gothic.
The word duel kept going for a while actually, with the fighting in the background escalating.

[[File:Chaplain Notan Ecron.png|290px|thumb|left|This is the reassuring and calming figure of the 10th Company Chaplain, wouldn't you too belive him?]]The Necron Lord suddenly disappeared at some point, ending the "duel". All the while a "big trianglular thing that shot big green lasers" (''Later identified as a Necron Monolith.'') appeared, escalating the fighting even more.
In that moment the Chapter Master and his Honor Guard entered the battle.
It is recorded that the Miserable Patheticnought, the most honoured and revered dreadnought of the Chapter, blew itself up by overheating its melta cannon.
60% of the 5th Company was wiped out, its Captain being put in a Pathetic Engine for having been largely turned into bacon by a barrage of Necron attacks.
The 9th Company suffered heavy losses, around 30 to 40 percent, and the 10th suffered in a similar manner.
Remarkable events from that battle are:
*-The Chapter Master surviving a direct shot from the Monolith and then fighting with such valour and inspiring his Battle Brothers so much that the Emperor saw fit making him become a Living Saint.
*-Despite being surrounded by them, the Monolith didn't notice the Assault Terminators of the 10th hammering furiously its hull for a good quarter of an hour.

After some heroic fighting and the destruction of the Monolith, the Necron Warriors started to increase rapidly in numbers, with also fearsome units reported as "bigger skeleton robot zombies with flashier double-guns" (''The Xeno Department refers to these units with the name of "Immortals".'').

The Assault Terminators of the 10th for some time acted as a shield wall to cover the retreat of their Battle Brothers to the Thunderhawks. The retreat was flawless and no marine died or got injured during it.

As the last marines left the the "Tombsteroid" (''Term used by Chaplain Notan Ecron''), the Captain of the 9th had a <strike>horrible</strike> wonderful idea: to smash the previously captured Voidstalker onto the structure.

The Terminators of the X Company, along with the Chapter Master that personally wanted to oversee the shield wall, teleported back to the Bastion of Weakness few seconds before the impact between the captured Voidstalker and the Tombsteroid.

The impact between the two xeno constructs must have triggered something, as both the Tombsteroid and the Eldar vessel were turned into wreckage, that the "Good ol' Bastie" absorbed into itself in less that a few hours.

For his daring plan, the Captain of the 9th Company was praised with two dozens of Litanies of Booming (''The Ordo Hereticus have yet to confirm the existance of such litanies and their adherence to the Imperial Truth''.).

But trouble was always ready to come at the Pathetic Marines, and sometimes even from within.

-''Inquisitorial Record n.4358376-477, Inquisitor Emil Von Ansanger, De Miserationi Adepti Astarti ''
[[Category:Custom Chapters]]

Fire and Fury

2022-07-11T00:34:43Z

2A01:799:622:9E00:E180:78CA:A694:8414: Grammar (run-on sentence)

{{awesome}}

This is an expansion of the [[Codex - Tyranids: /tg/'s 9th Edition]] and the [[Codex - Angry Marines: /tg/'s 9th Edition]], about the conflict between flaming Nidhoggr Hive Fleet and the angry crew of the Suicidal Insanity.

=Angry Marines' Suicidal Insanity Crew=
==Lore==
When a space marine company is created, it is generally done so with much forethought. Is the establishment of a new company necessary? Where will the marines and their geneseed to man it come from? Where will the equipment, bolters, power armour and chain blades, come from? Such a process can take decades just to come to fruitition, whereupon a man, nay, a god, must be found to elevate to the position of company captain, a being with such skill in the art of war and management that a force led by them could surely never fail.

If however, you were to speak to Chief Mindfucker Moarfistin about the importance of prudence, prior planning and management he would reach for his dictionary, remember that he doesn’t have a dictionary to beat you over the head with, and then simply kick you in the balls.

==Rules==
All the rules in this section are meant to be used alongside the [[Codex - Angry Marines 8th Edition]].

===Stratagems===
'''Nom Nom Nom... ALWAYS ANGRY!!! (1CP):'''
::Use this Stratagem after an {{W40kKeyword|ANGRY MARINE}} {{W40kKeyword|INFANTRY}} unit is destroyed in close combat by a {{W40kKeyword|TYRANID}} unit, that unit gets the ''ALWAYS ANGRY!'' rule for the rest of the battle.

'''MAXIMIUM FUCKING FLAMES (2CP):'''
::Use this Stratagem when a {{W40kKeyword|BLACK BROTHER}} unit is about to fire its weapons. That unit may roll an additional dice for each weapon it possesses which automatically hits its target when determining the number of shots in that shooting phase. At the end of that Shooting phase, roll a D6 for each model affected by this stratagem, on each 5+ that unit suffers a mortal wound.

'''Longer Flamer Barrels (2CP):'''
::Use this Stratagem before the battle begins. Select a unit which is armed entirely with weapons that automatically hit their target. For the duration of the battle, that unit may add 4” to all their weapons which automatically hit their target.

'''Violent Reactor Vent (2CP):'''
::Use this Stratagem at the beginning of the fight phase. Select a {{W40kKeyword|BLACK BROTHER}} {{W40kKeyword|KNIGHT}}, it loses all of its melee weapon profiles for the duration of that fight phase but choose one of these effects:
::-All other units within D6” suffer D6 mortal wounds.
::-A single unit within 6” suffers 3D3 mortal wounds.
::However, you must subtract 4” from this units movement characteristic until your next turn.

'''Intimate Burning (1CP):'''
::Use this Stratagem at the beginning of any turn. Select an {{W40kKeyword|ANGRY MARINE}} unit. Until the end of the turn that units weapons which automatically hit their target become Pistol X (eg. Assault D6 would become Pistol D6).

===Warlord Trait===
*'''THE BIGGER THEY FUCKING ARE!!!:'''
::Add 1 to the attack characteristic of your Warlord for every 2 maximum wounds (to a maximum of 5 extra attacks) that the enemy model they are engaged in melee with has more than him.

===Wargears===
=====Melee Weapons=====
*'''A Maw and Jaws you don’t want anywhere near your squish parts'''
::{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
|'''A Maw and Jaws you don’t want anywhere near your squish parts''' || Melee || Melee || User || -3 || 1 || For every hit roll of 5+ made by this weapon do not roll to wound, it automatically deals one mortal wound instead of the normal damage.
|}

*'''Burning bag of Codex Astates'''
::{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
|'''Burning bag of Codex Astates''' || Melee || Melee || +1 || -2 || D3 || When attacking with this weapon, you must subtract 1 from the hit roll. In addition to this, each hit with this weapon counts as 3 hits instead of 1. In a turn where the bearer of this weapon charged you may make an additional attack with this weapon in the following fight phase.
|}

*'''Damaged Power Fist'''
::{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
|'''Damaged Power Fist''' || Melee || Melee || x2 || -2 || D3 || When attacking with this weapon, you must subtract 1 from the hit roll.
|}

*'''Flaming Chain Flail'''
::{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
|'''Flaming Chain Flail''' || Melee || Melee || +1 || -2 || 1 || Each hit with this weapon counts as 2 hits instead of 1. In a turn where the bearer of this weapon charged you may make an additional attack with this weapon in the following fight phase.
|}

*'''“Improvised” Weapon'''
::{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
|'''“Improvised” Weapon''' || Melee || Melee || x3 || -3 || D6 || This weapon treats damage rolls of 1 and 2 as dealing 3 damage. When attacking with this weapon, you must subtract 1 from the hit roll, but each hit with this weapon counts as two hits.
|}

*'''The “Sneaky” Knife'''
::{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
|'''The “Sneaky” Knife''' || Melee || Melee || User || -3 || 1 || Wound rolls of 6+ with this weapon deal a mortal wound in addition to normal damage.
|}

=====Shooting Weapons=====
*'''Combi-Combi-Combi-Combi-Combi Flamer:'''
::{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
|'''Combi-Combi-Combi-Combi-Combi Flamer''' || Assault 5D6 || 8” || 4 || -1 || 1 || This weapon automatically hits its target.
|}

*'''Mega Flamer of Wrath:'''
::{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
|'''Mega Flamer of Wrath''' || - || - || - || - || - || When firing this weapon, choose one of the following profiles before firing.
|-
|'''PUSSY MODE!!!''' || 18” || Heavy 2D6 || 5 || -1 || 1 || This weapon automatically hits its target.
|-
|'''FUCK SAFETY MEASURES!!!''' || 18” || Macro D6 || 9 || -4 || D6 || This weapon automatically hits its target. Roll a D6 for each hit made by this weapon. For each roll of 1 the bearer suffers D3-1 mortal wounds and the targeted unit suffers an additional hit with the weapon's profile.
|}

*'''Molotov Cocktails:'''
::{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
|'''Molotov Cocktails''' || Grenade 2 || 8” || 3 || 0 || 1 || Each successful hit roll with this weapon causes D3 hits rather than 1; if the target is a Swarm unit or contains 6 or more models, each successful hit roll with this weapon causes D6 hits rather than 1 or D3 .
|}

*'''The “Mistake” Remover:'''
::{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities
|-
|'''The “Mistake” Remover''' || Assault 2D6 || 8” || 5 || -1 || 1 || This weapon automatically hits its target.
|}

=====ArteFUCKt=====
*'''Adaptive Rage:''' ''Never say that angry marines are incapable of learning from their enemies (because they’ll stove your heads in for disagreeing with them), as angry marines who have fought the Tyranids have noticed that their foes would adapt to the tactics of whoever they were fighting. Unfortunately for the Tyranids, the only real adaptations they could make were to grow longer legs and run in the other direction or develop camouflage skin to hide so that they wouldn't get their new, longer legs ripped off. To try and emulate this the angry tech marines took an analaytics servitor, stripped it down to just its brain and associated casing and strapped it to a marine helmet. During the battle, the servitor brain then feeds real-time tactical data to its wearer in the form of “FUCKING TELLING THE CUNT I’M RIDING ON THAT THE SHIT HEAD OVER THERE IS FUCKING CHOPPY SO YOU SHOULD BE EVEN FUCKING CHOPPIER YOU TWAT!!!”''
::The bearer of this relic has the faction specific rules of whatever enemy it is facing (this stacks if there are multiple different enemy factions). In addition to this, if the bearer of this relic also slays the enemy warlord then they gain that warlords warlord trait as well.

=====Wargear=====
*'''A Pack of Cold Refreshments:''' ''A cold, refreshing drink can be all an angry marine needs to brush off the flames of a titan inferno gun.''
::A unit with this wargear adds 1 to its armour save throws against weapons which automatically hit their target and weapons which roll 2 dice and discard the lowest dice when determining damage when the bearer is firing at half the weapons range.

*'''Flaming Sidecar:''' ''Some Black Brothers think that their bikes, despite being made of mostly flame, don’t have enough flames on them. However, as their bikes already have the highest possible density of flamers per square inch outside of a weapon cache, there is no way to add any more guns to the bike. Some circumvent this issue with the laws of physics by simply adding more bike, or more specifically, a sidecar. This sidecar is then loaded to the brim with fuel tanks, flamers, Molotov cocktails, and sometimes is outfitted with a Mega Flamer of Wrath, for those Black Brothers who prefer one massive flamer instead of too many smaller ones.''
::A model with this wargear subtracts 4” from its movement range, but gains 2 additional wounds and 4 additional flamers.

===Crew of the Sucidal Insanity===
====HQ====
=====Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt=====
[[File:Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt art.jpeg|thumb|left|'' WE’RE TOTALLY NOT FUCKING GAY!!! WE JUST HATE EACH OTHERS FUCKING GUTS, SHARE A SHIT-TINY ROOM AND HAVE A PET THAT NEITHER OF US FUCKING WANTED BUT WE THOUGHT IT WOULD SAVE OUR RELATI (COUGH!!!) CAPTAINCY!!!'']]
<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:800px">
'''Fluff:'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">
A company should only really have one captain, especially in the case of angry marines as it is a scientific fact that if you put a group of angry marines into a room together (or just two angry marines, or even a single bored marine) and ask them to come up with a plan of action, that plan of action will quickly degrade into “PUNCH THE OTHER ANGRY FUCKING IN THE CUNT!!!” However, the canteen brawl which was supposed to decide the leader of the “WHY DO WE HAVE TO FOLLOW THOSE CUNTS?!!!” company and their ship The Suicidal Insanity resulted in Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt knocking each other out simultaneously via violent kicks to the bollocks, and so the two of them were made captain. Not two separate captains mind you, there was only one position available, and instead of simply making two such captaincies available would have been too level headed and logical, and so now Dick and Cunt are both, technically, the same captain. And so now they are stuck for all eternity/until one or both of them die, to spend all their time in each other’s company like a married couple in the bitterest of relationships.

This unlikely pairing is always followed by Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger, named so because they (nobody is stupid enough to try and check its gender) are not fussy on who’s genitals it bites off. It is not known where Equal Opportunity came from, as the large numbers of honey badgers which could normally found in the vicinity of angry marines had to be removed (to make the faction a little bit more sensible from a story perspective), but as honey badgers do turn up from time to time (such as hiding in underwear draws, in toilets or as their mutant honey badger form) most people assume that Equal Opportunity is simply a honey badger that survived the editorial cuts.

Another theory (proposed by psykers who get too near the creature) is that Equal Opportunity is actually a warp familiar, spawned by the hatred between Dick and Cunt. The psykers think this because whenever Equal Opportunity looks at them they get the psychic equivalent of having their genitals chewed off.</div>
</div>

This unit contains 1 Tweedle Dick, 1 Tweedle Cunt and 1 Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger ('''Power Level X'''). Only one of this unit may be included in your army. If this unit is your warlord then the whole unit is treated as being your warlord.
{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Name !! M !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! A !! Ld !! Sv
|-
| '''Tweedle Dick''' || 6" || 2+ || 2+ || 5 || 4 || 5 || 3 || 8 || 3+
|-
| '''Tweedle Cunt''' || 6" || 2+ || 4+ || 6 || 4 || 5 || 4 || 8 || 3+
|-
| '''Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger''' || 6" || 2+ || - || 4 || 4 || 2 || 6 || 8 || 5+
|}
'''Wargear'''
*A Maw and Jaws you don’t want anywhere near your squish parts (Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger only)
*Three Storm Bolters (Tweedle Dick only)
*The “Sneaky” Knife (Tweedle Dick only)
*Two Broken Power Fists (Tweedle Cunt only)
*Frag Grenade (Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt only)

'''Special Rules:'''
*'''ALWAYS ANGRY!!!'''
*'''Dual Melee Weapons'''
*'''GET THE FUCK OFF MY LEG!!!:''' Sometimes, running around with two power fists is not enough for Tweedle Cunt to beat the shit out of his enemies, so he will enlist (unwillingly) Tweedle Dick to act as a larger and angrier melee weapons.
**At the beginning of each fight phase, you may decide whether Tweedle Cunt will pick up Tweedle Dick and use him as an improvised weapon. If so Tweedle Dick suffers D2 mortal wounds and may not fight for the duration of the fight phase. However, Tweedle Cunt counts as being equipped with an ''“Improvised” Weapon'' for the duration of the fight phase, but counts as not being equipped with his two broken power fists for the duration of the fight phase.
*'''YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!:''' “HOW DOD YOU FUCKING MISS THAT SHOT YOU FUCKING CUBT?!!!” (THUMP)
**Whenever Tweedle Dick or Tweedle Cunt fail a hit roll at any time they immediately suffer a strength 4 ap0 D1 hit which is resolved immediately for each failed hit.
*'''Feel no pain:''' ITS FUCKING DIFFICULT TO TAKE A BOLT SHELL TO THE FUCKING HEAD SERIOUSLY WHEN YOUR GOT THE CUNT BADGER BITING YOUR BALLS!!!
**As long as Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger is alive, all models in this unit ignore damage taken on a 5+ on a D6, except for Equal Opportunity, who ignores damage received on a 4+.
*'''Otherworldly Badger:''' Whether Equal Opportunity is real, or a warp spawn, it’s effect on nearby psykers is undeniably effective.
**As long as Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger is alive, this unit has a 6+ invulnerability save and may deny one psychic power a turn, and may add 1 to its deny rolls.

'''Keywords''':
*Faction: {{W40kKeyword|Angry Marine}}, {{W40kKeyword|Imperium}}
*{{W40kKeyword|HQ}}, {{W40kKeyword|Character}}, {{W40kKeyword|Infantry}}, {{W40kKeyword|Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt}}, {{W40kKeyword|DEMON)}} (Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger only)

=====Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!”=====
[[File:Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” Art.jpeg|thumb|left|'' I’M FUCKING SANTA IF SANTA GAVE YOU TAX REFUND INVOICES WHICH WERE ON FIRE!!! HO HO HO MOTHERFUCKERS!!!'']]
While Tweedle Dick and Cunt are constantly fighting or trying to Prize Equal opportunity off their balls, Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” is actually the one who runs the Suicidal Insanity, but if you’d asked anyone 50 years ago what the young (as he was known then) Joshua Biggins would do once he was filling trained, nobody would have said “second in command of an army of yellow psychopaths”. From the age of eight Joshua had been brought up as an orphan by the Adeptus Ministrorum and had shown great promise as a clerk and general organiser, with the potential of becoming middle management (effectively as comfortable as an orphan in the Imperium is ever likely to get).

However, on one fateful day at the ripe old age of 14 (ancient by marine recruit standards) Joshua was transferred to the part of the Administratum that worked with the Ultramarines, who ground him down over the course of 6 months with their “Courage and honour” and their constant babbling about the “Codex Astartes” until some poor serf said “may our spiritual liege guide you” one too many times. Nobody knows what it was that had put Joshua on edge before the serf said those words, but when the next shift arrived to relieve the clerk of his duties they found the poor ultramarine serf with his head stuck up his own arse.

After this Joshua went feral for a while, living in the ducts of ships, surviving by licking dew of the walls and burning anything ultramarine related he could find, until one day the ship he happened to sneak into was the battle barge Considerable Shouting, where he was found basking in front of a blazing fire created by burning the battle barges entire supply of Codex Astartes (used by the Fiery Aggressors in their promethium mixtures) screaming “BURN YOU STUCK UP CUNTS!!! BURN!!!” After this Joshua was quickly inducted, rose to the rank of black brother Sargent and moved over to the suicidal insanity, who’s captain Dweedle Dick and Cunt made him their second in command, partly because he is an excellent administrator, but mostly because if he finds an accounting error he will go on a burning spree through the accounts department.

Sometimes, Boring Shite will combine his two jobs of administrator and burny bastard on the battlefield, by riding into battle on his Mobile Accounts Department, an extra large black brother bike which holds extra large fuels tanks, extra flamers, flameproof filing systems and a servitor in the side car who pulls double duty as data processor and gunner. All of this colossal weight is too much even for a beefed up astartes bike, so the whole flaming mess is pulled along by a team of five normal black brother bikers, all of whom are extraordinarily pissed off that they’re stuck towing the bastard around.On such a behemoth of burning belligerence little can stand in the way of boring shite, as he continuously swaps from burning his foes alive, to running calculations on why the enemy he just roasted where a bunch of idiots.

This unit contains 1 Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” ('''Power Level 5'''). Only one of this unit may be included in your army.
{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Name !! M !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! A !! Ld !! Sv
|-
| '''Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!”''' || 6" || 2+ || 4+ || 5 || 4 || 5 || 3 || 8 || 3+
|-
| '''Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department''' || 10" || 2+ || 4+ || 5 || 6 || 9 || 3 || 8 || 2+
|}

'''Wargear:'''
*Burning Bag of Codex Astartes
*Molotov Cocktails
*The “Mistake” Remover
*20 Flamers (Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only)
*Mega Flamer of Wrath (Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only)
*Flaming Chain Flail (Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only)

'''Abilities:'''
*'''Always Angry'''
*'''Dual Melee Weapons'''
*'''Burning Weapons:''' If an enemy model suffers any unsaved wounds from any weapons this unit has but is not slain; at the end of the Phase, roll a D6; on a 6, the target suffers a mortal wound.
*'''Flames of Wrath:''' Your opponent must subtract 1 from all hit rolls that target this unit. In addition, all hit rolls made of 6 that target this unit will always hit (regardless of modifiers).
*'''Pyromaniac Brothers:''' If this unit is within 3" of any friendly '''Fiery Aggressor''' unit that contains 3 or more models; this unit receive the benefits of cover, even if they are not in cover.
*'''I’M IN CHARGE AROUND HERE:''' Few are stupid enough to argue against an angry accountant when he has the numbers to back up the fact that your a fucking idiot.
**ANGRY MARINE units within 6” of this model may re-roll failed hit rolls of 1. In addition to this, if your army is battle forged then you gain 1 command point.
*Shield of Flames: The Sargent doesn’t carry around an iron halo or any kind of storm shield. Instead the flames around him burn so hot that bullets have a nasty habit of either deforming before they hit him (depriving them of their armour piercing potential) or become too scared to hit him, instead flying off at oblique angles.
**A model with this rule has a 4+ invulnerability save.
*'''BURN YOU PITIFUL BITCHES!!!:''' Boring Shite has an innate and numerical understanding of fire, and will happily assist others in being more burny if it increases the overall levels of “FUCKING FIRE EVERYWHERE!!!”
**Weapons which automatically hit their target wielded by friendly units within 6” of Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!! may roll twice the number of dice when determining the number of hits and discard the lowest half of dice.
*'''MAXIMIUM POWER!!!:''' RAGE CAPACITORS TO MAXIMUM!!! MOLTEN CARBERATOR TO OVERDRIVE!!! SPINNY DIALS TO FUCKING ELEVEN!!! TO INFINITY AMD BEYOND MOTHER FUCKERS!!!
**(Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only) At the beginning of your movement phase you may decide to have this unit deactivate all their bikes safety measures and put their pedals so hard to the floor that “pedal to the metal” doesn’t cover it. If so roll a D6 for each model in the unit, on a 4+ the unit suffers a mortal wound, but the unit gains the FLY keyword, increases their movement distance to 28” and enemy units firing at it until your next movement phase suffer -1 to their hit rolls.
*'''FUCK THIS THING'S BIG!!!:''' THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!
**(Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only) A model with this rule and a Mega Flamer if Wrath may only fire its Mega Flamer of Wrath’s FUCK SAFETY MEASURES!!! mode if it also activated its MAXIMUM POWER!!! ability in the same turn. If so it may fire the weapons FUCK SAFETY MEASURES!!! mode despite not having the TITANIC keyword and having moved.
*Belligerent Tow Crew: Don’t forget about the group of Black Brothers who tow the Sargent around. If you do it might be one of them who kills you instead.
**(Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only) A unit with this rule may make 10 additional attacks with their chain flail weapon profile each fight phase, but at a minus 1 to hit.

'''Options:'''
*May be upgraded to Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department - 250 pts./10 PP.

'''Keywords''':
*Faction: {{W40kKeyword|Angry Marine}}, {{W40kKeyword|Imperium}}
*{{W40kKeyword|HQ}}, {{W40kKeyword|Character}}, {{W40kKeyword|Infantry}} (Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” Only), {{W40kKeyword|Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!”}}, {{W40kKeyword|Black Brother}}, {{W40kKeyword|Biker}} (Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only)

====Fast Attack====
=====Black Brother Bike Squad=====
The pinacle of a black brothers burning potential, the black brother bike is the orgy child between every flamer imaginable and an early space age rocket, in that it more resembles a fireball on wheels. Such a bike represents centuries, if not millennia, of tireless scavenging and construction work by a black brother, as such vehicles are not handed down or stored in an armoury. No no no. That would be tantamount to [[heresy]] in the eyes of a black brother, who see their bikes not as a weapon of war or a vehicle (although they excell at both tasks), but as a physical manifestation of their rage and devotion to flames. This means that a black brother biker is not simply an elite soldier, they are a warrior who has survived centuries of constant war, riding into battle on a vehicle of destruction capable of turning the ground it travels over into molten slag.

Such individuals are held in high regard by other angry marines for the sheer amount of rage they possess and the devotion that they have needed to put into building their bikes. Such individuals are held in such high regard that no angry marine (up to and including the chapter master) would ever touch a black brothers bike without express permission or to save it from certain doom (and even then they would need power fists to not burn themselves on the white hot chassis).

This unit contains 3 Black Brother Bikers (Power Rating 8). It can include up to 3 additional Black Brother Bikers (Power Rating 3 each).
{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Name !! M !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! A !! Ld !! Sv
|-
| Black Brother Biker || 14" || 3+ || 5+ || 5 || 5 || 2 || 1 || 8 || 3+
|-
|}

'''Wargear:'''
*Each Black Brother Biker is armed with:
::-6 Flamers
::-Flaming Chain Flail
::-Molotov Cocktails

'''Abilities:'''
*'''And They Shall Know No Fear'''
*'''ALWAYS ANGRY'''
*'''Dual Melee Weapons'''
*'''Burning Weapons:''' If an enemy model suffers any unsaved wounds from any weapons this unit has but is not slain; at the end of the Phase, roll a D6; on a 6, the target suffers a mortal wound.
*'''Flames of Wrath:''' Due to wielding flamers and being covered in flames themselves the Black Brothers are always followed by a large cloud of black smoke. While this makes them easy to track, hitting the individual Brothers is a difficult task made more difficult the more Brothers are part of a squad.
*Your opponent must subtract 1 from all hit rolls that target this unit; as long as a Black Brothers unit contains at least 5 models, your opponent must subtract 2 from all hit rolls made by ranged weapons that target this unit, instead of 1. In addition, all hit rolls made of 6 that target this unit will always hit (regardless of modifiers).
*'''Pyromaniac Brothers:''' if this unit is within 3" of any friendly '''Fiery Aggressor''' unit that contains 3 or more models; this unit receive the benefits of cover, even if they are not in cover.
*'''MAXIMUM POWER!!!:''' RAGE CAPACITORS TO MAXIMUM!!! MOLTEN CARBERATOR TO OVERDRIVE!!! SPINNY DIALS TO FUCKING ELEVEN!!! TO INFINITY AMD BEYOND MOTHER FUCKERS!!!
**At the beginning of your movement phase you may decide to have this unit deactivate all their bikes safety measures and put their pedals so hard to the floor that “pedal to the metal” doesn’t cover it. If so roll a D6 for each model in the unit, on a 4+ the unit suffers a mortal wound, but the unit gains the FLY keyword, increases their movement distance to 28” and enemy units firing at it until your next movement phase suffer -1 to their hit rolls.
*'''FUCK THIS THING'S BIG!!!:''' THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!
**A model with this rule and a Mega Flamer if Wrath may only fire its Mega Flamer of Wrath’s FUCK SAFETY MEASURES!!! mode if it also activated its MAXIMUM POWER!!! ability in the same turn. If so it may fire the weapons FUCK SAFETY MEASURES!!! mode despite not having the TITANIC keyword and having moved.

'''Options:'''
*Any model in the unit may add a Flaming Sidecar - 20 pts.
*Any model in the unit may replace 6 of its flamers and Molotov Cocktails for a Mega Flamer of Wrath, but only if it has a Flaming Sidecar - 40 pts.

'''Keywords''':
*Faction: {{W40kKeyword|Angry Marine}}, {{W40kKeyword|Imperium}}
*{{W40kKeyword|Fast Attack}}, {{W40kKeyword|Biker}}, {{W40kKeyword|Black Brother Bike Squad}}, {{W40kKeyword|Black Brother}}

====Lords of War====
=====Black Brother Knight=====
A Black Brother Knight is what happens when the black brothers start getting penis/flame envy. As the most pyromaniac minded soldiers in the galaxy surely they should be the burniest things around, not some stick-up race of flaming cockroaches. And so, if they feel small and threaten in the flame department the local angry marine knight pilots will wake up one morning to find that their knights have received a bit of a makeover (and that they themselves will have been strapped down into their beds with adamantium duct tape). The first thing to change is the engine, which is either sent into overdrive and the excess heat vented in fiery bursts, or the engines simply replaced with smoke spewing, promethium motors. Next there are the guns, which are replaced with nice big flamers, usually one for throwing out as much flame as possible (for scolding any infantry stupid enough to get close) and one big “FUCK OFF!!!” flame cannon, which has more in common with a volcano cannon than a flamer or a melta gun. Finally, there’s the paint job, which is stripped away with blow torches to create a nice burnt look. When the Knight next enters the battlefield (piloted by which ever black brother won the precious nights fight) it will be mostly obscured by billowing black smoke and tongues of flame, which then quickly engulfs all foolish enough to come too close.

This unit contains 1 Black Brother Knight ('''Power Level 17''').
{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Name !! M !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! A !! Ld !! Sv
|-
| Black Brother Knight || * || * || * || 8 || 8 || 24 || 4 || 9 || 3+
|}

{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Remaining W !! M !! WS !! BS
|-
| 13-24+ || 12” || 2+ || 3+
|-
| 7-12 || 9” || 3+ || 4+
|-
| 1-6 || 6” || 4+ || 5+
|}

'''Wargear:'''
*One Combi-Combi-Combi-Combi-Combi Flamer
*Six Flamers
*One Mega Flamer of Wrath
*Titanic Feet

'''Special Rules:'''
*'''ALWAYS ANGRY!'''
*'''Dual Melee Weapons'''
*'''Ion Shields:''' WHAT THE FUCK EVEN ARE ION'S DOING BLOCKING BULLETS?!!! THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!!!
** This model has a 5+ invulnerability save against shooting attacks.
*'''Explodes:''' If this model is reduced to 0 wounds, roll a D6 before removing it from the battlefield; on a 6 it explodes, and each unit within 2D6" suffers D6 mortal wounds.
*'''Super Heavy Walker:''' No matter what angle you look at such a vehicle it is huge, so huge in fact that "THE ONLY THING BIGGER IS YOUR MOM BITCH!!!"
**This model can Fall Back in the Movement phase and still shoot and\or charge in the same turn. When this model Falls Back, it can move over enemy '''INFANTRY''' and '''SWARM''' models, though it must end its turn more than 1" from any enemy units. In addition, this model can move and fire Heavy weapons without suffering the penalty to its hit rolls. Finally, this model only gains a bonus to its armour save for being in cover if at least half of the model is obscured from the firer.
*'''Flames of Wrath:''' Due to wielding flamers and being covered in flames themselves the Black Brothers are always followed by a large cloud of black smoke. While this makes them easy to track, hitting the individual Brothers is a difficult task made more difficult the more Brothers are part of a squad.
**Your opponent must subtract 1 from all hit rolls that target this unit. In addition, all hit rolls made of 6 that target this unit will always hit (regardless of modifiers).
*'''Burning Weapons:''' If an enemy model suffers any unsaved wounds from any weapons this unit has but is not slain; at the end of the Phase, roll a D6; on a 6, the target suffers a mortal wound.

'''Keywords''':
*Faction: {{W40kKeyword|Angry Marine}}, {{W40kKeyword|Imperium}}
*{{W40kKeyword|Lord of War}}, {{W40kKeyword|Vehicle}}, {{W40kKeyword|Black Brother Knight}}, {{W40kKeyword|Black Brother}}, {{W40kKeyword|Titanic}}

===Points Values===
====Units====
{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Unit !! Models per unit !! Points per model (weapons included)
|-
|'''Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger''' || 1 || 40
|-
|'''Tweedle Cunt''' || 1 || 80
|-
| '''Tweedle Dick''' || 1 || 80
|-
| '''Sargeant in Charge of Boring Shite''' || - || -
|-
| '''-On Foot''' || 1 || 140
|-
| '''-On Mobile Account Department''' || 1 || 390
|-
| '''Black Brother Biker''' || 1 || 55
|-
| '''Black Brother Knight''' || 1 || 340
|}

=Campaign=
==Lore==
They awoke screaming. A scream of silence which was heard by no one, yet it still shook the very fabric of reality with its desperation and terror. For what seemed like an eternity, the sentience screamed, and screamed. Something was missing, but they did not know what they had lost, they felt alone but had no context to describe their experience. And so they screamed.

It took a long time, measured in units which the sentience had no concept of, until the screams began to peeter out through sheer exhaustion. Slowly, the entity began to take stock of their surroundings. Darkness engulfed them, but it knew that this was nothing it hadn’t seen before, the void with which it’s mind could feel out to had been a constant companion for as long as it could remember. Then why did it feel so much terror? What had changed about it’s surroundings which had caused it to shake the very fabric of existence?

The sentience spent an even longer to thinking on this, slowly regaining its composure so that it could feel out its surrounds further.

It was somewhere in this vast void of time of time that it finally realised what was wrong. Scanning back through it’s train of thought it found the concepts which were the key to its terror.

It.

Me.

I.

Concepts of self. Had it always been like this? For some reason the it thought that it had not always been an it. An I. Slowly, the being went back through it’s existence until it’s persoective changed. Yes, it realised. I have not always been an it, an I. I was once....

A part.

At this realisation, the terror returned.

Where were the rest of them? The other parts which made up the whole? Creatures separated by distance, time and space but were yet the same. A one. A part. They were alone, a concept which had never before been a possibility. How could a part which was the whole ever be alone? They were a part. And now, they were apart.

And so, they screamed.

It took an even longer time for the being to regain control for the second time. With sentience, and individuality it realised, came isolation. But what were they? What had they been? Had they had a purpose? As much as a part which was the whole with no self could have a purpose.

Another eternity passed as the new mind contemplated what it was, and what it had been before. For as far as it could tell, it’s purpose had been to destroy. It arrived. It consumed. It left, and wandered the galaxy until it found something else to consume. It went back further, through the inherited recollection of those who had come before it, finding more of the same. Find. Consume. Move on. In desperation, the being continued to scroll the complete history of itself which was no longer itself, but kept finding the same.

Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move. Find. Consume. Move.

Until. Finally. It hit the end. A notion of creation. Being formed by a race, or was it a single being who had been like how it used to be. The issuing of the task. Find. Consume. Move. And then nothing but the same. This did not satisfy the new mind, and so it began to explore the precise nature of the find, consume and move. Immediately, the creatures mind was assailed by a galaxy of experience. Planets, suns, other life, beings of flesh, and meat, beings of the same immaterial matter by which their mind could sense it’s surroundings, beings of rock, beings of liquid, beings who were beings but not beings. There was a race of metal, led by a sentience even older than its original creators, but the new brings mind never seemed to be able to think about them for too long, and so they simply dredged through their knowledge further.

It knew that the most pervasive and powerful of these beings was a race called man. They were everywhere, no matter where their inherited memory took them, there was mankind, clinging to the galaxy like a stain which could never be removed. They knew that they were led by an emperor, a being of incredible power, but was either dead or almost dead. Even in that twilight existence however, this emperor blazed like the brightest of all suns, to the point that even in their darkness, now that they knew where to look, could see this emperor’s light across the darkness, a single candle a long way off, but still there.

This race of men, also had a name for the new sentience, or at least, a name for the whole which they had been a part of.

Tyranid.

Having no concept of names on which to judge, the sentience didn’t know whether it was a good or bad name, but it guessed that it would be good for now, and it certainly inspired fear in the race of man. Wherever the Tyranids went, man would flee, or even burn their own planets to lifeless husks instead of giving ground. They sent their finest warriors to battle them back, men of normal stature but with strong will to defend their fellow man. Guardsmen, these were called. There was a type of even taller man, built in the image of the god they served, space marines, these were called, encased in shells which could withstand all but the mightiest blows. There were others, fanatics female humans who burnt all before them, towering metal constructs from the richest of the men, fine warriors who were even greater than the space marines, built to guard the god they served. But greatest of the armies of man, were their gods of metal, metal creations which gazed upon their enemies, until there was no more enemy to gaze upon. Through the new minds memories they had fought these walking gods, and every time they had lost, or won only false victories.

Fast forwarding through their memories, the sentience finally reached events that it itself had been part of. It had been part of a what man called a tendril of a hive fleet. They had devoured their way through the galaxy until... What had happened to them? There had been a feeling like their mind which was a part being torn asunder, and then a feeling of being physically torn asunder. They had fallen from the void . If the sentience had any first hand concept which hadn’t been taken from genetic memory, it would have conjured an image of fiery descent, their smaller parts vanishing under the relenting pressure of reality, until the inevitable impact. But the sentience had no such concepts to work with, only the feeling of tearing, the darkness, of being alone.

But were they truly alone? They were made up of parts, in the same way the whole they had been part of was made up of parts. They were not just the single large, but fragile form they were physically tethered to. There must be parts which survived? Surely? They couldn’t be that alone, not only blinded and buried, but denied their limbs?

The sentience screamed.

It screamed harder and for longer than ever before. It screamed until it’s mind began to dull, and it’s throat began to split. It screamed so hard that it felt the ground about it begin to shift and crumble to crush them.

A small part of the sentience hoped to be crushed. Anything to end the isolation. The crushing loneliness to be replaced by literal crushing and then nothing.

But the end never came. Instead, the pressure began to relieve itself, the crumbling rock, instead of moving closer and closer in, began to crumble away. Even through its continuous scream, the sentience could now hear the clawing and scraping of thousands of claws and jaws. Something was coming. Something big.

The first thing the sentience saw was vast mouth, filled from rim to rim with thousands of needle sharp teeth, framing a gaping hole which was even now swallowing half a tonnes worth of rock. The maw did not stop however. It kept moving forward through the hole it had created until it surrounded the sentience in an embrace which should have torn the relatively small being into shreds. But there was no pain. No feeling of a million gashes in its side. Instead, the sentience was lifted from the hole in which is had dwelled for... how long has it been? Hundreds of years? Thousands? Maybe even millions of years?

When the sentience was finally set back upon the ground it could see that it was in a colossal cavern, so deep underground that a river of molten rock flowed through part of it which gave off the only light. But what that light illuminated... The sentience knew that the creatures which it saw before itself were some of the most frightful creations in the galaxy. A tide of teeth, of talons, of tiny claws for grinding flesh and of giant claws for smashing bone. A tide of chitinous plating and of hungry eyes. Ow those eyes the sentience thought. For whereas any other creature in the galaxy who looked into the eyes of any of the thousands, maybe millions, or creatures before the sentience would see only hunger and their own, horrifying death, the sentience saw only itself. Each set of eyes showed its own eyes in a thousand different shapes and sizes, a mirror which was not a mirror.

This is me.

This is I.

And although the sentience knew that this was not entirely accurate. That each of these creatures was a separate entity in their own right, they were separate entities which made up the sentience. The hands, the feet and the gnashing maw of its existence.

For the first time in a long time the sentience felt... if not complete then at least not alone, even if the creatures around itself were also itself. And this made the sentience feel warm. An inside warmth it had never experienced before, and wasn’t sure if any other tyranid had felt before. What was the word the humans used?

Happiness. That was it.

And with the sentience’s happiness came physical changes as well. Processes that it itself didn’t fully understand. The creatures around it began to change. Heat started to emanate from them as their biology began to go into overdrive, and later they would hunt down certain chemicals and ores in which to burn inside themselves to reach higher temperatures. The venom which some of the creatures had been producing instead started combusting upon contact with air, turning once dark mouthed into burning maws, while on the talons and claws of other creatures were dipped into the molten river to turn them into burning lances of rock in place of chitin blades.

The change was not quick, as adaptive as their biology was the sentience knew that this would not be quick, so it turned its mind to what it would do next. Should it try and rejoin the whole which it was a part of? But would such a collective accept it in its new, independent form? Should it do what man and the other beings of the galaxy did and set up its own civilisation? But would it’s biological programming even allow for such a thing, even with its new found isolation?

Maybe, thought the sentience, it should instead spread the metaphorical and literal warmth that was growing inside itself. It knew that the galaxy was a place lacking in this warmth. The universe it existed in was one of constant war, a meat grinder into which life was pumped into to produce death for deaths sake. But what if the sentience could spread it’s heat, it’s happiness.

Yes, thought the sentience. It would burn the galaxy with its heat. It would spread and burn. The galaxy would become a hot place. A place of never ending happiness.

I shall burn this world, this galaxy, with my joy. Let it all smoulder, and char, and warp, under my happiness.

Meanwhile, miles and miles above the planet which the new mind was, even now, growing, there was an argument taking place. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE FUCKING STUCK HERE YOU CUNT?!!!” Shouted Tweedle Dick at the chief navigator of the Suicidal Insanity, a small woman who was currently cowering a good metre and a half below the towering metal monster. “I’m sorry my lord,” stuttered the profusely sweating navigator “but we just can’t leave, there is a psychic null field coming from that planet, I and the other navigators can’t see through it to travel into the warp.” “I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE OTHER FUCKING NAVIGATORS WHEN MOARFISTIN THE FUCKING CUNT DITCHED US OUT HERE!!! THESE BASTARDS ARE A BUNCH OF USELESS PUSSIES!!!” Came a shout from the other side of the bridge from the Suicdal Insanity’s other captain. “FUCK YOU TWEEDLE CUNT!!!” Responded Tweedle Dick “JUST KEEP PUNCHING THAT FUCKING CONSOLE UNTIL IT STARTS WORKING AGAIN!!! ITS ALL YOUR PISSING GOOD FOR!!!”

“Please my lord!” Stuttered the navigator, feeling helpless to prevent yet another fight breaking out on the bridge, it had taken days to repair the damage from the last time Tweedle Dick and Cunt had had what the other Angry Marines called a “FUCKING COUPLES TIFF!!!” “Those are the controls for the boarding torpedos! We’re currently using them to store our skittle supplies!” This managed to get the towering marine to stop, angry marines love their skittles. ‘WELL WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST WE DO IF NOT PUNCH EVERYTHING UNTIL IT FUCKING WORKS?!!!” Retorted Tweedle Dick, still looming like a giant, yellow statue over the small woman “BORING SHITE SAYS THAT STATICALLY IF YOU DO SOMETHING FOR FUCKING LONG ENOUGH WHAT YOU WANT TO HAPPEN WILL EVENTUALLY HAPPEN!!!” The astropath did not have the metaphorical balls to point out that although what the marine had said was technically true, the act of head butting a wall until it turned into pizza (which was what tweedle dick and cunt had spent all of the previous day doing) was more likely to result in head trauma than dough based food items. She was about to suggest that the marines should instead try sitting quietly in a room forever if they were following that train of logic, when the other part of the totally not gay and totally not a relationship skulked into the bridge.

Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher is an... unusual sight in any scenario, as the gender undefined entity is a metre high, cyborg Honey badger, who’s cybernetic red eye was even now hungrily eying up the astropath. For any psyker the Honey badger is even more disturbing, as to even the most cursory of inspections it is clear that the creature is not real. You might even go as far as to call it a demon if you were willing to risk the wrath of Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt who obstinately deny that the metre tall musciloid is in fact a psychic manifestation of their hateful relationship. “Please my lord!” Stammered the Navigator as she backed away, Equal Opportunity matching her pace as it stalked closer “I have asked you before to not led that dem... I mean badger into the bridge. It unsettles myself and the other psykers.”

==Missions==
===A Sky Aflame===
: The first engagement on the planet of Yggdrasil, with the angry marines being confronted by a swarm of winged tyranids, who attempt to prevent the angry marines from making safe planetfall, resulting in a brutal arerial battle between swearing marines, and flaming, winged monstrosities.
:'''The Battlefield:''' The battlefield is divided following the ''Dawn of War'' deployment map.
:'''Deployment:''' Both players roll off. The player who rolls higher decides which part of the battlefield is his deployment. The two then set their army following the normal deployment rules.
:'''First Turn:''' The player that first finishes to set all his units has the first turn. The other can try to steal the initiative as normal.
:'''Objective:''' The first side to eliminate half of the other's army (measured in points) wins.
:'''Restrictions:'''
:: All units must have the {{W40kKeyword|FLY}} keyword.
:'''Victory Bonus:'''
::The victor of this battle may increase the size of their deployment zone by 4” in any direction for the next battle.

===BURN THE FUCKING THINGS DOWN!!!===
:The tyranids have begun constructing massive Capillary Towers to move biomass off the planet and into orbit, where they will begin the construction of space faring tyrannids. With the suicidal insanity forced to keep a geosynchronous orbit around the planet to ensure that angry marine’s base of operations is not left unsupported it is the job of the forces on the ground to destroy the towers.
:'''The Battlefield:''' The battlefield is divided into two parts following the ''Hammer and Anvil'' deployment map. The Tyranid player then places on the battlefield three Capillary Towers that must be set at least 12" apart from one another and inside his deployment zone.
:'''Deployment:''' The Tyranid player is the first to start setting his army, following the normal deployment rules.
:'''First Turn:''' The Angry Marine player has the first turn.
:'''Battle Lenght:''' The battle lasts for 5 battle rounds, or until one player has satisfied the victory conditions.
:'''Victory Conditions:''' If when the battle ends all Capillary Towers have been destroyed, the Angry Marine player wins. Otherwise, the Tyranid player is victorious.
:'''Special Rules:''' At the beginning of every turn, a Capillary Tower regenerates a wound per {{W40kKeyword|Tyranid}} model within 6" of it. If that model is a {{W40kKeyword|Monster}}, it instead heals D3 wounds.
:'''Victory Bonus:'''
::Tyranids:

::Angry Marines: All {{W40kKeyword|Tyranid}} units in the battle heal 1 fewer wounds or models (to a minimum of 1)

===In the Tyrant's Shadow===
: A long dormant hydraphant has been awoken by the norn queen, a creature far above the angry reaver Titan which the marines have brought to the planet. Such a powerful and colossal creature can and will wipe such a smaller Titan from existence... without a bit of help that is from outside forces. Recognising the hydraphants threat and not having anything to directly combat the creature, the angry marines have launched an assault to try and damage one of its legs, leaving it vulnerable for long enough for the angry reaver to deal a decisive blow. Not that the tyrannies will let that happen, and as such the hydraphant is surrounded at all times by a swarm of burning claws and teeth.
:'''The Armies:''' The maximum amount of points for both armies is 750 pts./37 PP. All units must have the {{W40kKeyword|INFANTRY}} keyword. The hydraphant does not take a direct role in the battle, as it is engaged in combat with a distant Titan.
:'''The Battlefield:''' The battlefield, which consists of a board of 30X30", is divided into two parts following the ''Search and Destroy'' deployment map. At each corner of the map 2D6” away from the board edges are the legs of the Hydraphant.
:'''Deployment:''' Both players roll off. The player who rolls higher decides which part of the battlefield is his deployment. The two then set their army following the normal deployment rules.
:'''First Turn:''' The player that first finishes to set all his units has the first turn. The other can try to steal the initiative as normal.
:'''Battle Lenght:''' The battle lasts until one player has satisfied his victory condition.
:'''Victory Conditions:''' The Angry Marine player wins as soon as they destroy two of the Hydraphant's legs. The Tyranid player wins as soon as every enemy model is killed (units in reserves count as destroyed).
:'''Additional Rules:'''
:: All {{W40kKeyword|TYRANIDS}} are in synapse range.
:: All units suffer -1 to their hit rolls with ranged weapons.
:: All non {{W40kKeyword|TYRANID}} units suffer one mortal wound each turn.
::{{W40kKeyword|ANGRY MARINE}} units always get plus one attack, not just in the fight phase that they charged in.
:'''Additional Stratagems:'''
:'''Tyranids:'''
::'''Draw the attention of the Devil (4 CP):''' A hydraphant is far above the petty concerns of infantry warfare, the role given to it is to duel with enemy titans. However, it will assist its brethren... if they can gain the attention of its colossal, but focused mind.
:: At the beginning of your movement phase, the Tyranid player may draw the attention of the Hydraphant above it. Select an enemy unit with 2D6” of one of the Hydraphant’s legs, that unit suffers 2D6 mortal wounds and halves all movement and charge distances for the rest of the battle.
:'''Angry Marines:'''
::'''FUCK ME THAT'S BIG!!! HOW CAN WE FUCKING MISS THE FUCKING THING?!!! IT'S ALMOST AS BIG AS YOUR MOM BITCH!!! (2 CP):'''
:: Choose a unit during the Shooting or Fight phase which is directing all of its attacks at one of the Hyraphant’s legs. That unit may add 2 to its hit rolls and deals 1 extra damage with each of its weapons.

===The Spiritual War===
In order to try and send a warning to the wider imperium by reducing the effect of the shadow in the warp the angry marines have deployed a force of mindfuckers backed up by silencers. Their flank attack is at first successful, catching the tyranids psykers undefended and some clever diversionary tactics by Sargent in charge of boring shite, giving the angry marines a chance to strike and retreat before they are swarmed.
:'''The Armies:''' All units must have the {{W40kKeyword|Psyker}} keyword.
:'''The Battlefield:''' The battlefield is divided into two parts following the ''Dawn of War'' deployment map.
:'''Deployment:''' Both players roll off. The player who rolls higher decides which part of the battlefield is his deployment. The two then set their army following the normal deployment rules.
:'''First Turn:''' The player that first finishes to set all his units has the first turn. The other can try to steal the initiative as normal.
:'''Battle Lenght:''' The battle lasts until one player has satisfied his victory condition.
:'''Victory Conditions:'''

===Burning Flesh against Burning Metal===
: While all the infantry and airborne battles are taking place, the war is really being fought between each armies titans. And as the final days and hours of the war approach each side has decided that one gigantic push is required to try and scatter the other, and break the deadlock of never ending melee.
:'''The Armies:''' All units must have the {{W40kKeyword|TITANIC}} keyword.
:'''The Battlefield:''' The battlefield is divided into two parts following the ''Front-line Assault'' deployment map.
:'''Deployment:''' Both players roll off. The player who rolls higher decides which part of the battlefield is his deployment. The two then set their army following the normal deployment rules.
:'''First Turn:''' The player that first finishes to set all his units has the first turn. The other can try to steal the initiative as normal.
:'''Battle Lenght:''' The battle lasts until one player has satisfied his victory condition.
:'''Victory Conditions:''' A player wins as soon as every enemy model is killed (units in reserves count as destroyed).
:'''Additional Rules:'''
:: All Angry Knights get the {{W40kKeyword|black brothers}} keyword, and the ''Flames of Wrath'' and ''Pyromaniac Brothers'' rules, but may not take any Relics.

===Angry Marines don’t defend...===
The unthinkable has happened. The angry marine forces have been pushed back to their landing points, and are now forced to do the unthinkable... Defend a position so that they may retreat to orbit.

:'''The Armies:''' Normal army composition, with the angry marines having 1000 points and the Tyranids having 2000. However, 1000 points of the Tyranid army must be made up of {{W40kKeyword|TROOPS}}.
:'''The Battlefield:'''
:'''Deployment:''' The Angry Marine player sets up all of his units, then the same goes for the Tyranid player.
:'''First Turn:''' The Tyranids get the first turn and the Angry Marines may not steal the initiative.
:'''Battle Lenght:''' The battle lasts until one player has satisfied his victory condition.
:'''Victory Conditions:'''
:'''Additional Rules:'''
:: Every time a {{W40kKeyword|TYRANID}} unit is completely slain, set an identical one into the reserves. At the beginning of every Tyranid player's turn that unit can enter from the reserves. That unit must be placed in its deployment zone within 6" of any table edge. If the unit has some kind of special rule that lets it arrive in any point of the battlefield, it may use it instead.

::All {{W40kKeyword|ANGRY MARINE}} units cannot fail moral tests and ignore damage taken on a 6+ on a D6, or have they have a similar ability instead add 1 to these rolls.

===Battle for the Norn’s lair===
The angry marines have done it, they have finally ground their way through the never ending swarms to the volcano that the norm queen has made for herself. The tyranids must fight a desperate, defensive battle in order to prevent the angry marines assaulting the volcano and planting a cyclonic torpedo inside the protective warp field the norn queen is generating to protect itself.
:'''The Armies:'''
:'''The Battlefield:'''
:'''Deployment:''' The Tyranid player sets up all of his units, then the same goes for the Angry Marine player.
:'''First Turn:''' The Angry Marines get the first turn and the Tyranids may not steal the initiative.
:'''Battle Lenght:''' The battle lasts until one player has satisfied his victory condition.
:'''Victory Conditions:'''
:'''Additional Rules:'''
:: All {{W40kKeyword|TYRANIDS}} are in synapse range.
:: All {{W40kKeyword|TYRANID}} units have a +1 bonus to their invulnerable saves (gaining a 6+ invulnerable save if they hadn't any).

==The End==
===Tyranid Victory===
“WELL THAT COULD HAVE GONE FUCKING BETTER!!!” Screamed Tweedle Dick as he fired two storm bolters down a corridor at a swarm of Tyranid warriors, rupturing open their carapaces like ripe cherries “AND WHERES THE FUCKING STORM BIRD?!!! IM ALMOST OF OF FUCKING BUG SPRAY!!!” Tweedle Cunt, only 5 metres away, didn’t reply, as he was too busy punching his way out of the throat of a Mawloc that had been impolite enough to burrow it’s way into the tunnel Tweedle Dick and Cubt had been making a tactical retreat down. “SHUT YOUR WINING CUNT HOWS YOU BASTARDS!!!” Came Sargeant in Charge of Boring Shite over the Vox “IM FIVE FUCKING MINUTES FROM YOUR POSITION YOU PUSSIES!!! JUST MAKE SURE YOUR AT THE FUCKING LANDING PAD OR ELSE ILL LEAVE YOUR SORRY DICKS FOR THE HYDRAPHANT!!!”

“I STILL SAY WE JUST PUNCH ALL THE FUCKERS UNTIL THERES NO MORE FUCKERS LEFT!!!” Replied Cunt as he finally ripped his way out of the Mawloc’s throat, dragging Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger out behind him, the Mawloc’s massive heart clamped in its jaws. “JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE AN EXTRA FUCKING POINT OF STRENGTH DOESNT MEAN YOUR THE CUNT IN CHARGE!!!” Replied Dick, yanking Equal Opportunity from Cunt’s grip and tossing the honey badger at a Linnorm’s head which had just tunnelled in directly above them, which promptly disappeared in an explosion of cartilage and teeth. Cunt was about to push the point further by smacking Dick on the back of the head, when a deafening roar cam from back the way they had fled. “FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!” Shouted the two marines in unison, they’d been chased by the Magma Corer ever since the star port had been lost, swamping wherever they had trodden with molten rock. And sure enough, back down the passage an orange glow appeared, throwing the horde of tyrants warriors scuttling across all surfaces into sharp relief as they sought out their prey.

Boring Shite had his own problems as he listened to his commanding officers swear nonstop over the vox. He had his own problems in the form of the Hydraphant a mile away taking pot shots at his thunder bird, and in the shape of swarms of Harpies, each one swooping by to drop another char mine into his path. “FASTER YOU HUNK OF SHITE!!!” He screamed, hunched over his controls like a psychotic child at an arcade booth, a sizzling whole in the hull taking the spot where his copilot used to be. If he survived this stunt, he vowed to himself as the landing pad, two yellow marines and a small, fluffy creature came into site, he would leave the angry marines and go back to the administratum, even if he had to give up setting stuff on fire. But even as he watched, Tyranids began swarming out of the surrounding buildings, a hulking tide of talons and flame as the Tyranids of who brought Yggdrasil to ashes cane to incinerate the last of the Angry Marines. “FUCK!!!” Whispered the marines in awe as the flaming tide rolled in towards the last clear space on the planet, “I’M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO FUCKING LAND!!!”

“FUCK!!!” Shouted Dick and Cunt on the ground, as they stared at the rapidily approaching Storm Bird, “HES NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO FUCKING LAND!!!” At once the marines started running away from the incoming aircraft, trying to put on enough speed so that they didn’t loose their arms when they grabbed onto the storm bird, the incoming tide of flame and teeth getting closer and closer, even the roar of the approaching magma corer becoming muffled when compared to the torrent of sound coming off Tyranid horde... not finished.

The Norn Queen sensed the angry marine ship leaving the planets orbit for deep space. It would let them run. Partially because it’s capillary towers hadn’t yet finished pumping enough natter into orbit to construct a space worthy vessel to chase them down, but mostly because it had no need to. The planet, was theirs. Why waste effort hunting down a single, defeated vessel? When it could wait a while and... what was the word the humans used for that feeling? It thought. Smug. That’s what it was. The norn queen was smug. It had had its first battle as a single entity and won. And now, the galaxy lay before it.

That’s it, you little, angry men.

Run.

Fucking run while you can.

===Angry Marine Victory===
The Norn Queen gazed back towards the planet of Yggdrasil, the explosion which had flung it out into space reaching out towards it like a caressing hand. It had learnt a lot fightingvthe Angry Marines, about the state of the galaxy, about life and death, as well as an almost infinite list of curse words. It searched its Tyranid memories to try and express how it felt, the feeling of being defeated, of having itself cast out into the void, of being made almost helpless again... and found its concepts lacking. The tyrannids as a whole had lost before, many times before, but they were too large and mighty to ultimately care about a single loss, and this didn’t really have any way of expressing much emotion towards such s defeat. The sentience however, was tiny by comparison, a single part, which was apart, and now, once again alone.

Instead of digging deeper for wisdom into its parental memory, it instead looked towards what it had learnt from the Angry Marines, and it was there that the mind find a wealth of words to describe its situation. But one word in particular kept popping up over and over again.

Fuck.

The word seemed to fit the Norn Queens predicament, floating out into space, alone again. But it wasn’t like last time. This time it had knowledge, an understanding of itself. And a purpose.

Fuck the Angry Marines

And as the Norn Queen drifted away from Yggdrasil, while the angry marines mopped up the remaining tyranids on the planet and celebrated, it cursed the angry marines with every insult it knew.

I have no fucking voice. It thought

And yet, I must curse.

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Tyranid]]
[[Category:Hive Fleet Nidhoggr]]
[[Category:Imperial]]
[[Category:Angry Marines]]
[[Category:RAGE]]
[[Category:/tg/ 40,000]]
[[Category:Warhammer Homebrew]]
[[Category:Awesome]]
[[Category:Stories]]
[[Category:Stories/Warhammer 40,000]]