2d4chan - User contributions [en]

Ciaphas Cain

2020-09-19T15:48:45Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: /* Trivia */

[[Image:cain.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Hero of the Imperium, fighting the grim-derp since 2002]]
{{Topquote|Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it.|Lt. John B. Putnam Jr.}}
{{Topquote|I know he's a good general, but is he lucky?|Napoleon Bonaparte}}
{{Topquote|CI-CI-CIAPHAS CAIN! HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!|[https://youtu.be/oRozBAIbaG4 Succinct summary of the comissar’s whole career]}}

'''Ciaphas Cain, [[Hero of the Imperium|HERO OF THE IMPERIUM]]!''' was a famous [[Commissar]] of the [[Imperium of Man|Imperium]] and is the protagonist of the eponymous series of novels by [[Sandy Mitchell]]. The GRIMDARK Flashman to [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Gaunt's]] Sharpe. He spent most of his career in active service attached to [[Imperial Guard]] regiments from the ice world of [[Valhalla]]—most notably the 597th, and accompanied by his aide [[Jurgen]]. He retired to become a professor at a [[Schola Progenium]] later in life, but this did not mark the end of his exploits, being recalled into active service during the [[Black Crusade#13th Black Crusade|13th Black Crusade]]. He was also called upon at many points throughout his life to assist the [[Alienhunters|Ordos Xenos]] [[Inquisitor]] [[Amberley Vail]], who is almost certainly his lover.

The novels are presented as extracts from Cain's personal, unofficial memoirs, edited by Amberley—published only to be kept under lock and key by the [[Inquisition]] as they present a vastly different story to all the official Imperial propaganda about his adventures. Contrary to the heroic image he cultivated to the Imperium at large, Cain described himself as a self-serving coward in his memoirs, spending most of his time trying to ensure his own comfort and survival, only becoming a hero by accident. However, despite his self-deprecation, he routinely demonstrates great bravery and compassion in the stories, leading many to believe he is a much better person than he would admit to himself. In any event, he always subscribed to the long-term version of cowardice, often taking courses of action that appeared extremely dangerous on the basis that they gave him a better chance of survival in the long term, if not the short one.

He is also well known for being one of the few commissars to earn the trust and respect of the Guardsmen he served with—aided by his heroic reputation, but mainly because he persistently demonstrated care and concern for the soldiers of his regiment. Despite repeated insistence in his memoirs he merely did this to get on their good sides, there's a great deal of evidence that his feelings were genuine.

Cain himself was an extremely skilled combatant, being an excellent shot with his trusty [[laspistol]] and highly proficient in the use of his [[chainsword]] in melee. Amongst other things, he defeated an [[Ork]] [[warboss]] and stood up to two [[Chaos Space Marines]] in single combat, both incredible feats for an ordinary man, especially as the only bionics he possessed were a few replacement fingers (and good ones at that, custom built by a techmarine). Not to mention going toe to toe with ''two'' [[Tyranid]] [[Hive Tyrant]]s, and wounding them both before his men could help him. Mind you, even ranged Hive Tyrants can rip up an [[Assault Squad|Assault Marine]] and eat him without too much effort. Further exploits include holding his own against a fucking [[Daemon]] Princess pretty well (with Jurgen's help, but still he did better than most would have), defeating [[Genestealer]]s in close combat (one of which could kill two [[Word Bearers]] and severely injure a third in a matter of seconds), and standing his ground against a fucking Genestealer Patriarch/[[Broodlord]]. He also has the honour of being forever listed on "Active Battle Duty", according to official records, despite being buried with full battle honours in the early M42's (presumably during the Indomitus Crusade); this is because, in the course of his exploits, he had been assumed to have died only to reappear later so many times that the [[Administratum]] couldn't keep up with the paperwork and simply issued a general order that his recorded status not be changed despite any evidence apparently to the contrary. Of course, his legacy is such that saying he's still in service to the Imperium wouldn't quite be wrong...

==The Novels==
[[File:Cain & Tanna.jpg|300px|thumb|left|Cain, with a cup of his favourite drink (Tanna from Valhalla).]]
Essentially, George MacDonald Fraser's [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Paget_Flashman The Flashman Papers] and McAuslan stories transplanted into the 41st Millennium, though, while Cain is more of a Coward with a Heart of Gold, Flashman can best be described as a Jerk with a Heart of Jerk, Braised in a Jamaican Jerk Sauce, then Dried out into Jerked Jerk Jerky and served with a side order of colonial racism.

Whilst the books are quite well-written, [[Sandy Mitchell]] is a big fan of recycling - even down to specific sentences. Hence each book ''is guaranteed'' to feature exactly the same descriptions of his aide [[Jurgen]] as all the others, someone doing something with "almost indecent haste", and about half a dozen variations on the theme, "Of course, if I knew what I was getting myself into by doing [x], I'd have rather charged into the [[Eye of Terror]] with nothing but a rusty fork."

They are also notable for the Jurgen Ex Melta, where most of the dramatic fights are ended by the intervention of Cain's aide Jurgen armed with a [[melta]]gun and his powers as a [[psyker]]-disrupting "[[blank]]". Over the course of the series, Jurgen has racked up more kills than the rest of the Valhallan 597th put together, and has yet to have any character development whatsoever. But that's fine, because Jurgen is 125% distilled [[awesome]].

While it's unclear if this is an issue with Cain or Mitchell, the books also can't seem to tell the difference between a heavy bolter and a storm bolter, using the terms interchangeably to the point where it can sometimes be difficult to figure out which particular weapon is actually being described.

Also features psychotic lesbian Valhallans, Orky Gargants crumpin' dose [[Necron]] gits, a grinning, friendly neighborhood Inquisitor (who you should flee from at all costs), psychotic psykers who wear dresses too small, savants that are barred from entering casinos, [[World Eaters]] getting killed by "mere" humans, surviving a starship crash, playing ''[[Space Hulk]]'' for real, blue facepainted [[Tau]] supporters yelling that you can take their lives, but not their freedom, and the Harriers getting the goddamn cup, didn't get it though. Space Daemon Werewolf Psyker Hitler being kicked over a dam by a solid boot to the arse, [[Awesome|and an Avatar of Khaine being dynamic entry'd from a Starship right onto a greater daemon]].

==Cain Books and Collected Short Stories==
{{promotions}}
[[File:CAIN-TRUEHERO.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Cain, summed up in all his glory. (The actual SCENE is from ''The Traitor's Hand''.)]]
*''Hero of the Imperium'' (Contains ''For the Emperor'', ''Caves of Ice'', and ''The Traitor's Hand'', as well as three short stories)
**''For the Emperor!''
**''Caves of Ice''
**''The Traitor's Hand''
**''The Beguiling''
**''Fight or Flight''
**''Echoes of the Tomb''
*''Defender of the Imperium'' (Contains ''Death or Glory'', ''Duty Calls'', and ''Cain's Last Stand'', as well as two short stories)
**''Death or Glory''
**''Duty Calls''
**''Cain's Last Stand''
**''Traitor's Gambit''
**''Sector Thirteen''
*''Saviour of the Imperium'' (Contains ''The Emperors Finest'', ''The Last Ditch'', ''The Greater Good'', the novella ''Old Soldiers Never Die'', as well as three short stories)
**''The Emperor's Finest''
**''The Last Ditch''
**''The Greater Good''
**''Old Soldiers Never Die''
**''The Smallest Detail'' is a standalone short (9 pages) story starring Jurgen, rather than Cain himself.
**''The Little Things''
**''A Mug of Recaff''
*''Choose Your Enemies'' The newest book that was just released. Has a cover on which Cain looks [https://whc-cdn.games-workshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/BLCovers-Apr25-ChooseEnemies5br.jpg very] [https://whc-cdn.games-workshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/BLCovers-Apr25-ChooseEnemiesGallery3u.jpg smug]

==Units Served With==

* '''12th Valhallan Field Artillery''' - Cain's first assignment after graduation. He was perfectly content to serve out his term in such a civilized post, flinging shells at an enemy too far away to pose much of a threat.
* '''Cain's Irregulars''' - A resistance force composed of Perlian civilians and PDF formed by Cain behind enemy lines during an Ork invasion; by the time they reached Imperial lines they'd grown to nearly regimental strength, gutted the Orks rear, and killed their warboss when he came to figure out what the zog was going on behind his lines. It was this event that caused Cain to "lose" his treasured post with the 12th and serve as a general staff commissar.
* '''Reclaimers Chapter''' - For a brief period Cain served as an commissar liaison with the Astartes as they intercepted a space hulk.
* '''597th Valhallan Ice Warriors''' - A mechanized infantry regiment formed from the remnants of the Valhallan 301st (Assault) and 296th (Garrison). The bulk of Cain's career was with this unit, which was held together largely by collective awe at his reputation.
* '''Schola Progenium of Perlia''' - After formal retirement, Cain became a commissar instructor on Perlia, where he was regarded as a local hero for his exploits a century earlier.
* '''Ordo Xenos''' - Cain's penchant for finding trouble and surviving it came to the attention of the Inquisition early in his career, which led to him being inducted as an informal member of Inquisitor Vail's retinue during his first campaign with the 597th. Vail used him as something of a high profile decoy, and to keep Jurgen safely hidden in the guard as an ace in the hole.

==Trivia==
[[File:Young-cain.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Yes, considering his womanizer record we can easily conclude he looked this good (He would've have really appreciated the shield, and his bolter is red, but it's a good artwork nonetheless.)]]
* He is essentially the "Edmund Blackadder" of the ''Warhammer 40k'' universe. More specifically, he is the Captain Edmund Blackadder of ''Blackadder Goes Forth'' for ''Warhammer 40k'' universe. Like Captain Blackadder, he is always trying to avoid combat, escape death, and retire from the Imperial Guard. Jurgen can be considered as Cain's "Baldrick" - dirty, disregarded, not all that bright but a good dogsbody to Cain. (Though a slightly more intelligent and significantly more badass Baldrick; think a cross between Baldrick from series 1 and the later Baldricks, but with a [[Meltagun]]. Also, Cain respects Jurgen.)
* Alternately, he is the Sir Harry Paget Flashman (VC KCB KCIE) of the 'Flashman' series of novels for the ''Warhammer 40k'' universe. Flashman was a key inspiration for Edmund Blackadder (although not of the first series; that was different). Seriously, look those books up. They're fantastic.
* Jurgen can be thought of as Fraser's other classic character Private McAuslan, J., 2nd Gordon Highlanders, Dirtiest Soldier in the World, the Tartan Caliban and the Highland Division's Answer to Peking Man. Think Pigpen in a kilt. Jurgen, however, appears to be smarter and has a Russian rather than a Glaswegian accent.
* According to the narrator of his books (no, really) he uses the Lord Commissar rules on the tabletop, but this has become impossible in 8th edition since Lord Commissars (and normal Commissars) cannot wield chainswords or laspistols.
* Cain was so [[awesome]] that for decades he was the only entity in the [[Warhammer 40,000|galaxy]] to slip past [[Games Workshop]]'s chrono barrier on moving the setting into the 42nd Millennium. Then [[Gathering Storm]] happened, but then it cheated by saying no one knew what the real year was anyway.
* He is permanently marked as being on active duty because of the number of times he was believed to be dead only to come back from Emperor knows where. Notably this was not rescinded even when confirmed dead and buried in front of thousands as a war hero, he is just that awesome. [[Living Saint|To be fair to the Imperials, this hasn't stopped people in the past.]]
* A pretty good fanfic called ''Tales from the Black Millennium'' has Edmund Blackadder in command of an Imperial Guard regiment. Its sadly unfinished sequel ''More Tales from the Black Millennium'' drags Ciaphas Cain into the mix.
* [[Dune|There is a small section of the Tallarn Desert Raiders that think he is a Prophet of the Emperor]]. Which is at the same time hilarious considering Cain's personality and perfectly understandable after a couple of them seeing Cain [[awesome|stand his ground before and prevail over a Daemon Princess!]]

==Stats==

===Commissar Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium!===
{| class=wikitable
!
!Pts
! WS
! BS
! S
! T
! W
! I
! A
! Ld
! Sv
! Unit Type
! Composition
|-
| Ciaphas Cain
| 175
| 6
| 5
| 3
| 3
| 3
| 3
| 3
| 10
| 4+
| Infantry (IC)
| 1 Lord Commissar
|-
|}

*'''Unit Type:''' Infantry (unique) ((uses the Lord Commissar special rules along with those listed here.))
*'''Wargear:''' Carapace armour, Laspistol, Cain's Chainsword, Refractor Field.

{| class=wikitable
!
!S
!AP
|-
| Cain's Chainsword
| +2
| 3
|-
|}

*'''Special Rules:'''
**'''Aura of Discipline, Eternal Warrior, Independent Character, Night Vision, infiltrate'''
**'''Hero of the Imperium!:''' Ciaphas Cain's heroic reputation (regardless of whether it is fraudulent or not) inspires those around him to follow his example. When accompanying a unit, Ciaphas Cain, and the unit he accompanies, are Stubborn. Additionally, all units within 12" of Cain (including one he accompanies) automatically pass tests to Regroup, and may move, shoot (or Run), and declare charges normally in the turn in which they Regroup.
**'''Leader of Men:''' Even though he is a Commissar, Ciaphas Cain can never use Summary Execution, as this would mean one less body standing between him and danger. He may still execute a Psyker that failed Perils of the Warp test, as per the It's For Your Own Good rule.
**'''Pintle Gunner:''' While Ciaphas Cain is embarked on a transport vehicle, that vehicle may fire one pintle weapon using Ciaphas Cain's Ballistic Skill, even if the weapon would otherwise fire at Ballistic Skill 1 (firing snap shots, for instance). The other weapons it is normally allowed to fire do so at their normal Ballistic Skill.
**'''Survival Instincts:''' Commissar Cain's focus on personal safety, and experience in surviving dangerous situations allows him, and any unit he joins, to avoid danger. Cain and any unit he is attached to add 1 to their cover saves. This operates as, and stacks with, the stealth special rule. When he is embarked on a transport, the transport gets the same benefit. The transport may not gain 6+ cover save if it does not have one.
**'''Defensive Fencing Technique:''' Ciaphas Cain developed his own unique fencing style, which revolves around defensive stances, evasion, counter-attack, and running away. Ciaphas Cain adds 4 to his WS when determining how difficult he is to hit in melee. Furthermore, anyone attempting a Glorious Intervention to get him out of a challenge automatically succeeds.
**'''Run Like Frak!''' - Ciaphas Cain, and any unit he is attached to, has the Hit and Run special rule, except that they only roll 2d6 inches for the fleeing distance (he can only run so fast!) and always use Cain's Initiative +2 for the test (he's *always* ready to leg it).
*'''Options:''' Commissar Ciaphas Cain may be accompanied by Gunner Jurgen (130 pts.)
*'''Transport:''' Commissar Ciaphas Cain may take a Chimera or a Salamander as dedicated transport.

===Gunner Jurgen===
{| class=wikitable
!
!Pts
! WS
! BS
! S
! T
! W
! I
! A
! Ld
! Sv
! Unit Type
! Composition
|-
| Gunner Jurgen
| 130
| 3
| 4
| 3
| 3
| 2
| 3
| 1
| 9
| 4+
| Infantry (IC)
| 1
|-
|}

*'''Unit Type:''' Infantry (unique)
*'''Wargear:''' Carapace armour, Lasgun, Meltagun, Frag and Krak grenades.
*'''Special Rules:'''
**'''Look Out - Aargh!, Preferred Enemy (Orks)'''
**'''Commissar's Aide:''' Gunner Jurgen counts as an Independent Character, but must always accompany Ciaphas Cain, joining and leaving units together with him. If Cain is removed as a casualty, Jurgen drags him off the field, and is also removed.
**'''Inconspicuous:''' Gunner Jurgen may not issue challenges, or be the target of a challenge. He may only enter a challenge via the Stand Back, Commissar rule below.
**'''Robust Driving Style:''' While Jurgen is embarked in a transport vehicle, that vehicle is not required to take difficult terrain tests, and treats dangerous terrain as difficult. Additionally, the vehicle may move an additional 3" during its movement phase, and is a Tank if it was not one already.
**'''Robust Body Odor and Psoriasis:''' When a unit successfully Falls Back from melee with Jurgen or a unit he is attached to, it adds 1" to the distance it flees.
**'''Psychic Blank:''' Psykers and Daemons, friend or foe, within 12" of Gunner Jurgen have -3 Leadership, do not generate any Warp Charge (i.e. they do not add dice to their owning player’s Warp Charge Pool in the Psychic phase) and only harness Warp Charge points on a 6.
**'''Stand Back, Commissar (aka Jurgen Ex Melta):''' Gunner Jurgen may not enter a challenge other than through Glorious Intervention to replace Commissar Ciaphas Cain, and he automatically passes the Initiative test to do so. Instead of making a close combat attack, at Jurgen's Initiative turn, he may make a ranged attack with his meltagun. Note that since the enemy will be within 2" of Jurgen, Melta rule for target within 1/2 weapon range applies.
**'''Scrounger:''' Jurgen's voluminous collection of odds and ends can come in handy for offering that one unexpected edge. Once per game, Ciaphas or Jurgen may reroll any one die they are called upon to roll.

==See Also==
[[If I Had Known...]] - A tentative story about Warhammer 40k's three most famous Commissars (Incomplete: Still at Prologue)

==External Links==
*[http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Ciaphas_Cain Lexicanum page on Cain]
*Cain now has his own (well sculpted) mini: https://www.google.com/search?q=heroic+commissar+miniature&tbm=isch

{{IG-Characters}}

[[Category:Commissars]][[category:Literature]]

Emperor Battle Titan

2020-09-19T14:15:32Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: /* Known Emperor Titans */

[[File:6b5db6d06b79c65c3d7de54c9edc6f48.jpg|thumb|right|400px|WALKING CATHEDRALS THE SIZE OF SKYSCRAPERS MOTHERFUCKERS!]]
The Emperor Battle [[Titans 40k|Titan]] is the second largest land based weapon the [[Imperium of Man]], or any faction even, can field (the first is a triple tie between the [[Capitol Imperialis|Capitol Imperialis]] super heavy tracked vehicle, the [[Leviathan]] super heavy mobile command center and the [[Ordinatus]] super heavy mobile ordinance weapons platform with its countless flavours). We can't count the vaguely referenced Apocalypse-class Titans in that list since nobody knows anything about them but it is said to look like entire parts of a Hive City moving when it walks.

Comparable to an Imperial Cathedral on legs, depending on what sources you take from it stands between approximately 43-150 metres ''(130-500 feet)'' tall (including the cathedral spires), and is quite simply the most devastating vehicle ever seen on the many battlefields of the galaxy. It is seen as a physical manifestation of the [[Emperor|Emperor's]] will, and just like the [[Imperium of Man|Imperium]] itself, once they are fully deployed, they are relentless, unyielding, and unstoppable. It is similar in size to a Shark Assault Boat (the assault boat is probably not as wide, though), which is a long-range void boarding assault transport utilised in squadrons for ship-to-ship combat, typical capital ships that carry these vessels can deploy upwards of a dozen of these in addition to support weapons, which should tell you just how ridiculously huge both space combat and the land based Imperator are.

*'''Height:''' 56m
*'''Weight:''' 5-10 kilotonnes; approx
*'''Crew:''' 12-24 crew plus 100 Imperial Guardsmen
==Overview==
[[File:March of the Titans.jpg|350px|right|thumb|Nothing more grand and [[Awesome|awesome]] than seeing a military parade conducted only by giant walking death machines.]]
In comparison to Battle Titans of all classes, the Imperators and Warmongers are rare with most Titan Legions only able to field three or four in a campaign. Captained by only the most battle-hardened and elite of Princeps, its interior is large enough for it to serve as a mobile headquarters, with room for dozens of operators and serfs. Their crews are composed of the finest crew members from other Titans within the Legion. The Titan Legion's Grand Masters often use Imperator Titans as their mobile headquarters from where they can issue commands or lead vital assaults personally. Imperators are most often employed as vast mobile fortresses, strengthening vulnerable sectors of the Imperial battlelines or to act as a reserve force; it can also transport around a hundred [[Imperial Guard|Imperial Guardsmen]], several times that number of [[Skitarii]], or dozens of [[Space Marines]] in its lower legs for either close defense or to assault a shattered fortress.

The Emperor Battle Titan comes in two models: the standard 'Imperator' is an all-round assault and support vehicle, whereas the 'Warmonger' specializes in long-range fire support. The Imperator is commonly seen leading Titan assaults, while the Warmonger rains artillery on the foe with its city leveling firepower.

It is unknown which variant was designed first as this knowledge has been lost down the long millennia of the Imperium's existence. However, it is well documented that both the Warmonger and Imperator Emperor Titans were both utilised extensively long before the outbreak of the galaxy-wide conflict of the Horus Heresy.

Their only difference is in weaponry; the Imperator have shorter ranged weapons, while the Warmonger is armed with long-range artillery and missile platforms. A third Emperor with an aircraft carrier deck on its back was planned and showcased as part of the buildup to the release of ''Titan Legions'', but sadly ''Titan Legions'' was an overly complicated trainwreck of a system and the planned line of super-Titan variants was canned as soon as people stupid enough to buy a box containing more counters than ''Battle for Armageddon'' realized this.

More can be read below.

==Variants==

===Imperator-Class Titan===
[[File:Imperator1.jpg|thumb|right|200px|right|thumb|The Imperator class Titan]]
The previously mentioned 'all-rounder' of the two known Emperor Titan classes. The Imperator is one of the more iconic and recognizable warmachines of the Imperium. The Imperator is a Titan whose expertise resolves around tactical flexibility and relatively close-range assault bombardment (For Titan standards anyway). As such, the Imperator is armed with weapons that excels in providing ''immense'' covering fire for allied Imperial troops to take strategic positions and areas of interests, taking on and wiping out entire superheavy divisions and rival Titan legions by itself thereby relieving allied troops from immense pressure, breaching fortified and heavily armed fortresses and allowing infantry stationed within the Titan's legs to safely assault the broken defenses and acting as a giant, mobile [[DISTRACTION CARNIFEX]] that can defend a crucial geostrategic area for the Imperium. Essentially, if you have a Imperator at your back, nothing could technically go wrong in your campaign.

Likewise, Imperators are not normally equipped to fight other Titans in close combat. Instead they rely on their deadly firepower to cripple opponents before they get too close, not as if the lack of an CQC matters anyway as the Emperor both outsize and outmass its lessers to the point that the Imperator can just knock over smaller Titans with its massive and THICC legs before crushing them under its equally massive feet.

The Imperator-Class Titan carries two primary arm-mounted weapons, the Hellstorm Cannon and the Plasma Annihilator, both of which can one-shot anything that is ''NOT'' a [[Warlord Battle Titan]]. Its large cathedral-like superstructure can carry a vast assortments of secondary but no-less devastating carapace weapons which includes from a wide and diverse range of [[Anal circumference|ass fucking]] such as the Apocalypse Missile Launcher, Gatling Blaster, Inferno Gun, Laser Blaster, Melta Cannon, Plasma Destructor, Quake Cannon, Volcano Cannon, Vortex Support Missile and the Vulcan Mega Bolter.

===Warmonger-Class Titan===
[[Image:Warmonger_titan.png|thumb|right|200px|The Warmonger class Titan]]
The Yin to the Imperator's Yang. As briefly mentioned, the Warmonger is the second class of Emperor Titans that has a very specific niche in the battlefield. Whilst the Imperator specializes in flexibility and adaptability, the Warmonger specializes only on [[Dakka|long-range firepower and bombardments.]] Pretty much every thing in the Warmonger's arsenal is designed for cracking open heavy fortified defenses from a safe distance before letting other Titans and military personnel to finish up the stragglers. The Warmonger's specialization also means that allied infantry within the Warmonger's legs behave differently, rather than acting as offensive front-liners the infantry instead act as defensive countermeasures against enemies that are closing in from all sides. Hence, the Warmonger acts as a giant, walking artillery platform. Seriously, this thing is an entire battery of [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisks]], [[Manticore Launcher Tank|Manticores]] and [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher|Deathstrikes]] on stilts.

This capability makes this particular Emperor Titan a magnet for enemy air support and with such a big ass target situated beyond the maximum range of enemy Titans, the only weapons that could conceivably hit the damn thing are ICBMs, Voidships and Aircraft. However through the act of [[Just as Planned]], the Warmonger has a [[Troll|healthy array of anti-aircraft systems, not to mention a sufficient number of Void Shields, to keep these threats at bay.]]

The Warmonger-Class Titan being a giant walking artillery platform is thus, armed with weapons that can hit from the end of the horizon (Although this comes at the price of less weapon loadout and diversity). Its primary arm weapons comes equipped with a Doomstrike Missile Launcher (8 Doomstrike Missiles) and a Vengeance Cannon, weapons that could conceivably wipe out an entire town in one shot or severely cripple a Imperator Titan. Its secondary weapons are dominated mainly with four ECKSBAWKSHUEG Quad Autocannons for anti-air defense, and a Fire Control Center to link up with either scouting Vox-casters or orbiting Voidships so that either of the two can scout and accurately pin-point enemy positions so that the Warmonger can just point and shoot. The amount of space being taken up by air-defense means that the Warmonger is restricted to only three or four carapace weapons rather than the Imperator's six.

==Known Emperor Titans==
[[File:Binary_Succession_Titan.jpg|right|thumb|500px|Well hello there. Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior, the [[Omnissiah]]?]]
Because of their awe-inspiring [[Awesome|awesomeness]] and absolute carnage they reap on the battlefield, a number of Emperor Titans have walked countless worlds and fell on countless others in Black Library books. A few of them are listed here. As you can see below, it should be noted that if an Imperator Titan is in a book and it's Imperial, [[Fail|it's going to die.]]

*'''Dominatus:''' The Dominatus was an Imperator-class Titan from an unknown Titan Legion that fell in battle, fighting against the Forces of Chaos during the failed defence of Lorn V. Laying broken and forgotten for millennia, the lost Titan was rediscovered by the Imperium, and so, the Cadian 412th Imperial Guard Regiment, under the command of [[General Sturnn]] was dispatched to retrieve it. With the aid of the [[Eldar]] [[Farseer]] [[Taldeer]] of [[Craftworld]] [[Ulthwé]] and her warhost, who was on Lorn V for her own reasons, General Sturnn's regiment fought their way through both the Chaos Lord Crull's Blood Legion of Khorne Chaos Warband and the Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter's Orks, reaching the fallen Titan before their enemies. Powering up the slumbering god-engine, the Imperial forces were forced to fight the ancient menace, known as the [[Necron|Necrons,]] which had begun to emerge from beneath Lorn V's surface. Despite the Farseer's betrayal, Taldeer convinced General Sturnn to aid them against this new threat, and so, they made use of the Dominatus' powerful weapons into the Necrons' advancing Monoliths, thus defeating the Necron forces. But in the process, the ancient Titan's core was ruptured in the process, causing it to explode spectacularly, killing General Sturnn and the majority of the Cadian 412th. The Eldar had managed to flee back into the [[Webway]] just before it exploded. Those few survivors of the decimated regiment, quickly spread word off-world of the treachery of the Eldar Farseer, and to the present day, their regimental banner bears a black ribbon to mark their failure to recover the ancient Imperator Titan. To this day, Sturnn's death has been met with rejection and [[butthurt]] by /tg/ as he was too cool a guy to be killed off. Taldeer that bitch...
*'''Exemplis:''' The Exemplis was the last remaining Imperator Titan of the Legio Ignatum, worshiped by the Adeptus Mechanicus as an avatar of the Omnissiah. The Exemplis saw its last action on the world of Tanakreg against a large Word Bearers Traitor Legion warhost of the Dark Apostle Jarulek. Despite the horrendous casualties it inflicted upon the heretics, the Chaos Space Marines managed to board and destroy the Exemplis after attacking its more vulnerable components.
*'''Mettalum Olympus:''' The Mettalum Olympus was a notable Imperator Titan and an absolute [[Awesome|BOSS]] of a Emperor Titan; commanded by Princeps Goethe, which managed to almost single-handedly hold off a Tyranid invasion on the ash-choked plains of Horst Prime. Surrounded by an entire horde of [[Hierophant]] Bio-Titans, instead of dying like a bitch, the ancient Titan allowed the Tyranids to breach its plasma reactor when the Hierophants were close enough. [[Rape|The resultant explosion vapourised everything within a kilometre, leaving a crater that is still visible from orbit.]]
*'''Praeco Deictus:''' An Imperator Titan of the Legio Crucius, which had survived the grim days of the [[Horus Heresy]] and had won countless victories on thousands of worlds for the Imperium. The Praeco Deictus was destroyed, along with other Titans of the Legio Crucius, defending the Hive World of Kado from the Forces of Chaos. During the fighting, a hundred Slaanesh [[Daemon Knights#Hell-Knight|Hell-Knights]] infiltrated the main Hive City and emerged to attack the Imperator Titan [[Anal circumference|from the rear where it was most vulnerable,]] turning it into a pile of molten slag. You wish we were joking, but suffice to say, Praeco Deictus suffered the most [[Fail|embarrassing defeat of any Emperor Titans on the list.]] Seriously it is one thing to lose against those flamingo walkers, but to lose against them in a seriously suggestive sexual position from the Prince of Pleasure him/her/itself is just a [[Derp|whole new low.]] Don't believe us? Just imagine a bunch of [[/d/|giant walking dildos]] [[NSFW|penetrating the rear end of another giant humanoid walker]] [[FATAL|until it climaxes and explode]]...[[FAIL|seriously]]....
*'''Stormherald:''' An Imperator Titan of the Legio Invigilata, this titan was (and that was is rather significant) active during the Battle for [[Grimaldus|Hive Helsreach]] during the Third War for Armageddon. Piloted by Princeps 'Crone of Invigilata' Zarha, this titan is essentially only important in two parts in the book in which it is prominently featured ([[Aaron Dembski-Bowden|Helsreach]]). The first is where it is booby-trapped by a bunch of Orks, the booby-trap in question being several Hive Spires filled to the brim with explosives detonating and falling on said Titan. This essentially causes The Crone to become half-subsumed into Stormherald's Machine-Spirit, only being saved by the Black Templars' Reclusiarch (Grimaldus) demanding her not to fall. [[Derp|And so she didn't]]. The titan then disappears from the book for 150 pages or so, until the Mega Gargant ''Godbreaker'' turns up in Helsreach and proceeds to wipe Armageddon's dusty wastelands with a pair of Invigilata's Warhound Titans. The Crone is none too happy about this, and (after being ordered to by Grimaldus and the guardsman in charge of Helsreach's defence) proceeds to engage in a manly and testosterone-fuelled duel to the death with Godbreaker... Which consists of the two machines standing at opposite ends of the kilometres-long Hel's Highway and shooting at each other. Stormherald's fate is sealed when a tech priest (later executed) fires its plasma annihilator too early and misses, allowing Godbreaker to wail on Stormherald until the latter finally crashes to the ground like a 400 metre tall walking cathedral would be expected to. Later, after the siege of Helsreach reaches a stalemate following the destruction of Godbreaker by [[awesome|the Ordinatus Armageddon]], Grimaldus flies over the wreckage of Stormherald in a Thunderhawk and displays [[what|ACTUAL HUMAN FEELINGS]] in that he's regretful that the titan's corpse rests in enemy-held territory, and nothing can be done (due to the FUCKING WEATHER) to retrieve the god-machine's carcass. And as far as anyone knows, the body of the Titan (and the crone) are still there.
*'''Casus Belli:''' First introduced in the Gav Thorpe novel "Imperator: Wrath of the Omnissiah". Attached to the Legio Metalica, Casus was deployed against heretek defenders on the world of Necomedua (not Necromunda) which had gone rouge (not rogue) at some point following the Great Rift, and basically single-handedly face-fucked entire legions of traitor land forces, vehicles (including a Baneblade, which is STEPPED ON), an entire city wall, and even a few Titans. This was all a ruse, though, as the traitors planned not to destroy it or withstand the Imperium but capture the Titan itself. Their attempt, unsurprisingly, failed when one of the Magi aboard did some pretty bad-ass stuff (and thought outside the box for once) and was backed up by a random lower-deck girl with what basically amounts to a futuristic monkey wrench. Also the most hilariously/depressingly named as it represents the fact that the only thing besides religion (read: quintillions of peoples worth of passive psychic power over ten thousand years making it real) holding the Imperium together is war.

==Chaos Emperor Titan==
[[File:Dies_Irae.jpg|400px|right|thumb|The Dies Irae. The [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka|Ghazghkull]] of Chaos Emperor Titans. The one-man wrecking ball of [[Rape]].]]
Most of the Traitor Emperor Titans have mercifully been destroyed, but the small handful that remain are as deadly as their Imperial counterparts, if not more so. Most of them have been possessed by Greater Daemons, making them essentially supersized Daemon Engines which have transformed these great war engines into towering leviathans of Warp-corrupted steel and Adamantium, a true incarnation of the power of Chaos in the material realm.

While they are (very) rare, they are still in prime condition and are able to seriously fuck shit up. They possess similar weaponry to their loyalist counterparts but with a few extra quirks. One of which is the ability to [[Awesome|shoot Daemons]] like an [[Angry Marine|Angry Marine Titan]], possessing several unique Chaos exclusive weaponry and lastly being possessed by the aforementioned Greater Daemon, making it tougher, almost immortal and even harder to kill.

There were several well known Chaos Emperor Titans during the [[Horus Heresy]] such as the following....
*'''Aquila Ignis":''' Commanded by Princeps Camulos of Legio Mortis, this titan participated in the battle for the Magma City against the loyalist Legio Tempestus. [[Rape|It got destroyed when the city was overflowed with lava to deny it to the traitors.]] The only component of the titan to survive was its Hellstorm Cannon, which was sent to Kronus and later controlled by the [[Imperial Guard]] during the events of Dark Crusade.
*'''Abominatus "Despoiler of Worlds":''' Abominatus is one of the most terrifying of all the servants of the Blood God. Abominatus is the hellish union of an Imperator-class Titan and a Greater Daemon of Khorne. When it walks the ground shakes beneath its steel shod feet and the enemies of the Blood God quail in fear. Abominatus carries a veritable arsenal of weapons built onto its body. Its main armament, the Hellstorm Cannon and Plasma Annihilator, along with its main battery function in an identical fashion to its Imperial counterpart. However the weapons on its main fighting platform are quite different. This Chaos-possessed Titan also has a Scorpion Cannon, a lethal multi-barrelled weapon used for close assaults and is normally mounted on Daemon Engines of Khorne. It possesses Manglers, huge battle claws which can sweep aside battle tanks and flay enemy Titans to twisted metal. As Abominatus is part daemon and part machine, this makes it particularly resistant to psychic attack as well.
*'''Augmenautus Rex:''' The Chaos Imperator-class Titan Augmenautus Rex fought against the Legio Invicta and the Legio Tempestus forces defending the Forge World of Orestes in 779.M41. It vaporized the Legio Tempestus Warlord-class Titan Orestes Magnificat with a single shot. The Princeps of the Legio Invicta Warlord-class Titan Sicarian Faero, Vancent Kung, linked his MIU (Mind Impulse Unit) with those of Titans from three battlegroups to take down the Augmenautus Rex with an assault coordinated by a single mind. Such a measure, although forbidden, was required as the Imperator-class Titan's Void Shields were so potent that they would have withstood a more dispersed assault. It is said that after the Augmenautus Rex had fallen disabled, it took another ten minutes of sustained fire to destroy it (Why the Imperium didn't asked their [[Imperial Navy|Navy]] to do a controlled orbital bombardment on a large target is a mystery (there was only Legio Invicta's carrier fleet in orbit)).
*'''Bubonis:''' As its name implies, Bubonis is the Daemonic Plague Titan of Nurgle, which was a special class of Chaos Imperator-class Titan that was fused with a Greater Daemon of Nurgle. Must be a real bitch to take down given the already obscene toughness of Nurgle combined with the ridiculous defense of a Emperor Titan.
*'''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_rVtFUkMus Dies Irae]:''' The most infamous of these monster war machines was the Imperator-class Emperor Titan Dies Irae (literally "Day of Wrath" in <s>Latin</s> High Gothic) which stormed the battlements of the Imperial Palace during the Battle of Terra and had been assigned to to the 63rd Expeditionary Fleet, the Warmaster Horus' own fleet, throughout the Great Crusade. It was eventually destroyed 10,000 standard years later in the 41st Millennium, during an Iron Warriors campaign against the Imperial world of Hydra Cordatus, where the Dies Irae engaged in battle with an entire demi-legion of twelve Imperial Titans, destroying almost all of them before finally being stopped by the Warlord-class Titan Honoris Causa.
*'''Skylok:''' A really unusual Chaos Emperor Titan. The Skylok is a Winged Titan of Tzeentch, which was a unique Chaos Imperator-class Titan, that was created through its fusion with a Greater Daemon of Tzeentch. As you can imagine, seeing a flying 50+ meter tall walking cathedral of Tzeentch is not only [[Awesome]] but terrifying as well.

==Origins==
[[File:Titanicus Battle Horus Heresy.jpg|right|thumb|550px|Back in the [[Great Crusade|good ol' days]] when the Imperial Army could [[Cheese|field entire battalions of these guys and call it a Tuesday.]] [[Horus Heresy|But then ''someone'' had to fuck everything up.]]]]
The Imperator was one of the two showcase Titans for the [[Epic]] expansion ''Titan Legions'', which aimed to take the system back to its ''Adeptus Titanicus'' roots of having small numbers of really expensive models battle it out rather than large numbers of dirt-cheap plastic infantry and tanks. Coming in the heyday of the ''Second Edition'' "moar rules = bettar" design philosophy, the Imperator came in a box with roughly half a dead forest's worth of cards, counters and rules and featured an insidiously complicated double-sided datacard for the player to perpetrate accountancy on every turn with plasma tokens and garrison troops and a whole load of other shit that made firing a [[Conversion Beamer]] in ''Second Edition'' seem simple by comparison.

As usual for [[Titans_40k|Titans]], the Imperator was roughly 1/700 scale in a system that was largely around 1/350, meaning that it would be hard for even a single Epic-scale Terminator to fit inside the model's head. Since most 40K-scale Imperators are based on scaling up the ''Epic'' model without realizing it's half the size it should be, they tend to replicate this. Needless to say, the ''price'' was correctly scaled to the Imperator's size in the fluff.

Some neckbeards have tried to kitbash a true 1/48 Imperator titan, and found that at 6'10"/2.1m tall, it would just be easier to make a titan ''costume'' and stand on the table.

Above assumes you consider Imperator titans on the higher end of the fluff massive scale, the kind of which you see in things like [[Dawn of War]] where humans are mere ants crawling around over the top of it. Games Workshop back in the original incarnation of [[Apocalypse]] did a 4000 point datasheet for the Imperator Titan which included a scale comparison with a Warhound and a guardsman, where if you built it, it would be almost three feet tall, so on the smaller end.

The size differences given in the fluff are often to do with varying levels of artistic license, as in the older Titan comic books a normal Warlord Titan was absolutely MASSIVE (despite actually saying it stood over 100 '''feet''' tall), but when depicted in the Space Marine video game and running around on a slightly smaller Warlord Titan's shoulders it certainly never gave that impression at all. Though that might have been done to make the game actually run without turning your computer into a ball of chaos daemon hellfire that eats your face with burning teeth before setting your entire city ablaze. Also, different authors can't make up their minds as to how tall Titans really are, with one Imperator Class Titan ''(the Dies Irae)'' being described as both 43 meters tall and 140 meters tall in different novels. (43m is 141' 1" so maybe that's what they meant...)

==Weaponry==
While the classic ''Epic'' Imperator had completely fixed armament with no options at all, more recent rules for the Imperator/Warmonger Titan allow it to be armed with a choice of 2 arm weapons and 6 carapace weapons.

Possible arm mounted weapons are the [[Plasma Annihilator]], [[Hellstorm Cannon]], [[Vengeance Cannon]] and the [[Doomstrike Missile Launcher]]

Possible carapace weapons are the [[Laser Blaster]], [[Plasma Destructor]], [[Inferno Gun]], [[Vulcan Mega-Bolter]], [[Gatling Blaster]], [[Melta Cannon]], [[Quake Cannon]], [[Volcano Cannon]], [[Apocalypse Missile launcher]] and the [[Vortex Missile]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Titan_Scale.jpg|Size comparison of various titans.
Image:61506986-Emperor-Battle-Titan-Datasheet-page-001.jpg|Finally found the damned rules!
Image:Imperial_Battlefleet_&_Imperial_Landship_size_scale.png|Rough size scale of the Emperor Titan next to the Imperial Navy. The small smudge on the left is the Emperor Titan. All of a sudden, the Titan crew suddenly felt like it ain't the biggest kid on the block.
Image:Imperator_titan.png|In days gone by, an Imperator stomps around firing its deadly trouser cannon.
Image:Imperator datacard.jpg|If you wanted to actually ''use'' an Imperator back in the day you just had to figure out what the hell any of this meant, and this was only the front side. Also, notice that it loses an attack die for being hit in the dick.
</gallery>

{{40k-Imperial-Vehicles}}
{{Mechanicus}}
{{Chaos Space Marines}}
{{40k-Imperial-Ships}}
{{40k-Chaos-Ships}}

Sheriff of Nottingham

2020-09-19T12:32:00Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: Even more efficient than mariokart

[[File:SheriffofNottingham.jpeg|right|thumb|300px|Just look at him... like goddamn [[Mortarion]]]]
'''Sheriff of Nottingham''' is a game based around lying, bribery, and deception. '''The''' game for [[That Guy]] and for those who prefer ruining their friendships through other means besides MarioKart and [[Munchkin_(Card_Game)|Munchkin]].
==How to Play==
The premise and rules for Sheriff of Nottingham are fairly simple: sell and smuggle as many goods as you can into the market and make bank.
You have your normal goods, represented in green cards. These are typically bread, cheese, apples, and chickens. Then you have your contraband listed on red cards, like silk or pepper. And finally you have Royal goods, which count as contraband but at the end of the game count as multiples of a certain item, like x2 cheeses or x2 apples (we'll get to that). Both contraband and Royal goods are worth more than twice the price of normal goods, but if you get caught with them you have to pay the sheriff more than a normal good. Each merchant has a stand, where he keeps his goods that he brought into the market, or any contraband that he managed to smuggle.

Each round, a single merchant becomes the [[Ecclesiarchy|sweaty fat fuck]] known as the sheriff. His job is to make sure no one gets contraband into the market... though depending on who is the sheriff at the time, he can do a really shitty job.

To put it simply, each round of the game has five phases:

#'''Market:''' Draw up to a maximum of six cards in your hand from the deck. You can choose to pick from the discard pile if there is one, but whoever is the sheriff at the time can see what you draw.
#'''Load your merchant bags:''' Each merchant has a little merchant bag to put their goods in. It's at this point you choose whether to go [[Salamanders|clean]] (have only one type of legal good in your bag) or [[Marines Malevolent|dirty like a bad, bad girl]] (hiding contraband or Royal goods.) Cannot choose to put zero cards in it, but can't put in more than five either. Once you've decided on your items, you put them in and button it shut. No tampering with it now.
#'''Declare your items:''' For this phase, whether you have contraband or different cards or not, you have to declare the exact number or cards in your bad and declare one type of normal good in the bag. EX. I put one cheese, an apple, and a <strike>crack cocaine</strike> pepper in my merchant bag. Since I have to declare a single type of normal good in my bag, I say "I have three cheeses in my bag" (for whatever reason, [[what|you're not allowed to have multiple types of goods even if none of them are contraband]]), or something of that nature.
#'''Sheriff:''' This is the phase that can make or break the game and/or friendships. The sheriff questions each person about the items in their bag and they negotiate and bluff. The merchant can keep with his story on what items he had, or he can bribe the sheriff with money or items in his merchant cart. He can also promise the one ''playing'' the Sheriff future out-of-game [[Slaanesh|favors]]. Nothing is out of the question when it comes to the bribery here. Of course, the sheriff could choose to search your bag. One of two things will happen if it comes to that: he can see that you weren't lying, and that you actually DID have 4 chickens in your bag. He has to pay you, out of his own money, the penalty price for each item in the bag. Then there's the other option; he finds your contraband, or for whatever reason you don't have a single type of item in your bag. Then YOU have to pay the penalty price on the items. You keep any of your legal goods that were in the bag, but contraband or Royal goods are put in the discard pile. You could potentially goad the sheriff of checking your bag full of perfectly legal cheese, call rape like a tumblr feminist, and get him to pay up.
#'''Round ends:''' For all the goods you brought into the market, you earn the selling price that is listed on the items. Legal goods range from 2-4 gold, but contraband can range from 7-10 gold. You then place the legal goods face up in their listed spots on the merchant cart. If you were able to smuggle contraband in, place it upside down in its respective place on your cart without telling the sheriff what it was. The role of sheriff rotates to the next person, and the round begins anew.
At the end of the game, you count the total amount of gold you have and the number of normal goods you have. This where Royal goods come in, as they aad to that amount. If you have the most or second most of a good, you get certain bonuses based on them. There's some multiplying, dividing and rounding down shit, but in short: the more you have, the better.
===TL;DR===
The best game for telling which one of your friends lies the best, bluffs the worst, and how far will you go to smuggle that fucking crossbow in.

==See Also==
*[[Cards Against Humanity]]

*[[That Guy]]

*[[Shadow Hunters]]

*[[Luke]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:NottinghamCards.jpeg|Gold number is selling price, red number is penalty value.
</gallery>

D&D Cartoon

2020-09-19T12:25:52Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: /* The Characters */

{{/co/}}

The '''D&D Cartoon''' was an animated series produced in 1983, which ran until 1985. As its name suggests, it was based upon/set within the earliest editions of [[Dungeons & Dragons]].
It was very popular in Brazil for some reason.

==The Plot==
The cartoon's plot is simple, and recapped neatly in the series' opening credits: it's an [[isekai]] story, where our heroes are a band of teenagers (and one kid brother) who were attending a carnival when they made the mistake of trying the "Dungeons & Dragons ride". Their initial enjoyment gave way to terror as the ride opened up a magical portal and hurled them into an alien world, where they were attacked by a monstrous [[Tiamat|five-headed dragon]]. They were saved by the sudden appearance of a mysterious [[gnome]]-like being, who gave each of them an enchanted item, dubbing them "[[Ranger]], [[Barbarian]], [[Wizard|Magician]], [[Thief]], [[Cavalier]] and [[Acrobat]]". Using these magical artifacts, they fled from the dragon and found themselves face to face with a [[cambion|demonic-looking]] [[wizard]] riding a [[nightmare]]. Fortunately, the dragon attacked this monstrous figure and drove him away. The gnome introduced himself as "Dungeon Master", and this world as The Realm of Dungeons & Dragons.

Ever since then, our heroes have been forced to walk the world, following the cryptic clues of the Dungeon Master and seeking a way to return to their own world - getting involved in many magical troubles along the way. The story is quite episodic, but it ultimately covers their inadvertent quest to battle the forces of evil and restore the light of hope and good to the world.

==The Characters==
'''Hank the Ranger''': Courageous, brave, compassionate and strong, Hank is the team's leader and shoulders the burdens of keeping his ragtag band alive as they adventure in this strange and alien land. His magical artifact is an enchanted bow that shoots arrows of pure mystic energy, which he can manipulate to do almost anything.

'''Diana the Acrobat''': Sassy, strong-willed and sarcastic, Diana is the group's sole Afro-American member and its unofficial 2nd in command. A skilled gymnast, her magical artifact is an enchanted staff that can shrink or grow to various sizes.

'''Sheila the Thief''': The shrinking violet of the team, Sheila's artifact was well chosen; a cloak that makes her invisible whenever she raises its hood over her head. She may be a bit of a wuss, but she always comes through in a pinch.

'''Erik the Cavalier''': A pompous rich kid, Erik (as opposed to the traditional cavalier of the time) is a coward who hates violence and spends his time complaining. His choice of artifact was both fitting and yet not: an indestructible, forcefield-projecting shield is very useful to him. However, deep down, Erik is made of sterner stuff than he gives himself credit for, and he will leap in front of his teammates to protect them without thinking about it. As a sidenote, Erik's complaints are often very sensible; a jab from the creators at the moral guardians of the time, who insisted that the complaining character should always be depicted as being wrong.

'''Presto the Magician''': Having earned the nickname "Presto" by which everyone calls him for his love of magic, Presto would be over the moon at being made an actual magician upon entering the Realm. There's only one small problem; whilst his enchanted artifact is potentially the most versatile of them all, a wizard's pointy hat that allows him to conjure up almost anything, he can't get the damn thing to work right! It almost never gives him what he wants... although, it usually tends to give him what he ''needs'', in the end. Some fans theorize that it reacts so unpredictably as its own way of protesting the cheesy rhyming incantations that Presto insists on using.

'''Bobby the Barbarian''': Brash, headstrong and fearless, Bobby is Sheila's younger brother and the complete opposite of his timid elder sibling. With his enchanted club that can deliver ridiculously powerful strikes, this pintsize powerhouse is truly the muscle of the team.

'''Uni''': A [[unicorn]] filly that the team rescued from Tiamat shortly after arriving in the Realms, and effectively the team's mascot. Bobby dotes on her incessantly.

'''Dungeon Master''': A mysterious, [[dwarf]] or [[gnome]]-like [[wizard]] of tremendous magical power. Whilst he claims benevolence, he never directly intervenes to the team's advantage except in the rarest circumstances. Instead, he points them on their way with cryptic riddle-clues.

'''Venger''': The most powerful and evil of [[wizard]]s in the Realm, Venger seeks to conquer the Realm entirely - but to do that, he must first topple Tiamat, the only being stronger than he is. He knows that the six magical artifacts that Dungeon Master gave to the younglings would do the trick nicely...

'''Shadow Demon''': Venger's closest hench'man', Shadow Demon is an incorporeal being ressembling a [[Shade]]. Useless in a scrap, but a peerless spy.

'''[[Tiamat]]''': the Dragon Queen herself, five heads and all, although she's pretty much a plot device rather than a character proper in the show. Venger wants her place and power and our heroes thwart his plans to do so. Her contribution often consist of snarling "TIAMAT HAS NO MASTER!" at Venger and blast him away with multiple breaths, and little else.

==The Realm==
The Realm of D&D depicted in this cartoon bears no direct resemblance to any of the three main campaign settings - [[Mystara]], [[Greyhawk]], [[Forgotten Realms]] - released at that time period. Of the three, it perhaps closest resembles Mystara, being a pulp-influenced "weird fantasy" world rather than the neo-Medieval Europe and neo-Renaissance Europe feels of Oerth and Faerun. With three suns and as many moons, the Realm is a land of strange and bizarre natural terrains and creatures; rivers that rain upside down, forests of skyscraper-sized [[fungus|mushrooms]] inhabited by malevolent snail-men, three-year-storms (as in, it rains for three years at a stretch) and more.

==Episodes==
D&D Cartoon was written as a show aimed at younger kids, and it shows in the nature of each individual episode as a stand-alone story and the (relatively) stereotyped characters. Definitely still worth watching no matter how old a neckbeard you are, though.

#'''The Night of No Tomorrow:''' To Presto's amazement, the party discovers none other than Merlin the Wizard residing in a tower near Helix. Naturally, the untrained magician seeks to become Merlin's apprentice - but he has been duped; "Merlin" is none other than Venger in disguise, and he uses Presto to unleash an evil night and a plague of dragons, which the party must defeat.
#'''Eye of the Beholder:''' Following Dungeon Master's latest riddle, the party must steel themselves to do battle with a dread [[Beholder]], a many-eyed monster that guards a portal to Earth. But, along the way, they become involved in the struggles of Sir John, a well-wishing but cowardly knight desperate to prove himself for the sake of his son.
#'''The Hall of Bones:''' When their enchanted weapons fail them in the middle of a battle, the party loses the artifacts to Venger. However, they serve him no better; they have been drained completely of their magic. Now the party must locate the lost Hall of Bones, resting ground of the Realm's greatest champions, and the only place where the weapons can be rekindled.
#'''Valley of the Unicorns:''' The party's travels lead to their crossing paths with Kelek, an evil mage who seeks to gather the horns of [[unicorn]]s to enhance his powers and become invincible. When he steals Uni's horn, the party has no choice but to make a temporary alliance with the one being who might be able to oppose Kelek's magic: Venger himself.
#'''In Search of the Dungeon Master:''' An attempt by the party to learn a way home from the Forest of Know Trees is ruined when an evil mercenary named [[Warduke]] captures the Dungeon Master, forcing the party to rescue him in a desperate race against time.
#'''Beauty and the Bogbeast:''' Pursuing Dungeon Master's latest suggestion to find the River That Rains Upside Down, which can generate a portal to any realm the riders desire, Eric messes with a magical flower and is turned into a hideous, toad-man monster known as a Bogbeast. Ironically, this serves them well, for the River has been dammed by a malign [[ogre]] named Kallemung, and only Eric's resemblance to a prophesized champion gives the party a chance to recruit the cowardly Bogbeasts to help them defeat Kallemung.
#'''Prison Without Walls:''' The party's eternal quest to find a way home leads them to the Swamp of Sorrows, in pursuit of [[gnome]] spellbinder Lukion, whose people can help the party return to their world. But first, they must stage a jailbreak of a most unusual sort, and release Lukion from a prison that has no walls...
#'''Servant of Evil:''' Bobby's 9th birthday is disrupted when Venger manages to capture the rest of the party and lock them in his Prison of Agony, a massive jail suspended within a live volcano. Bobby's only hope to free his friends is by persuading the Prison's reluctant gaoler, a [[giant]] named Karrox, to find the courage to oppose Venger.
#'''Quest of the Skeleton Warrior:''' Dekion, a [[Skeleton Warrior]] cursed to serve Venger for a great betrayal, manipulates the party into entering the Lost Tower of the Celestial Knights to retrieve the Circle of Power, a magical talisman of great potency, guarded by wards that attack intruders with their darkest fears.
#'''The Garden of Zinn:''' When Bobby is bitten by a poisonous reptile whilst hunting food, Dungeon Master informs the party that only the "foot of the Yellow Dragon" can save his life. To find it, they must enter the Garden of Zinn, a queen with some very dark secrets...
#'''The Box:''' A convenient earthquake reveals the magical Box of Zandora, a good wizardess and long-time friend of Dungeon Master's. Most importantly to the party, the Box can open gateways to other worlds, and if they can find just the right spot to put it in, that means they can use it to go home.
#'''The Lost Children:''' The party must help a band of stranded alien children to rescue their elder, Alfors, and the alien spacecraft that he is being forced to rebuild for Venger.
#'''P-R-E-S-T-O Spells Disaster:''' When one of Presto's spells goes disastrously wrong, the bungling magician must try and find his friends, who have become trapped in the castle of a malevolent giant.
#'''The Girl Who Dreamed Tomorrow:''' Discovering another lost child from their own world, a girl named Terri who possesses prophetic powers, the party tries to use her oracular dreams to guide them to an escape from the Realm to Earth.
#'''The Treasure of Tardos:''' To protect one of the few kingdoms still actively resisting Venger, the party must defeat his monstrous new creation; Demodragon, a two-headed fiendish dragon that spews fire and ice.
#'''City at The Edge of Midnight:''' When Bobby is kidnapped by a demon called the Nightwalker and carried off to his City On The Edge of Midnight, the party will stop at nothing to get him back.
#'''The Traitor:''' Trying to protect an inoffensive race of tree-dwelling bear-folk called the Cloud Bears from Venger's hordes, the party are stunned when it seems that Hank has chosen to betray them.
#'''Day of the Dungeon Master:''' Sick of Dungeon Master's routine of constantly showing up to spout riddles and then bugger off, Erik mocks the mystic and asserts that he could do far better with the DM's powers. Dungeon Master chooses to humor him, and Erik does his best to use his new magic to finally send them all home. But Venger will stop at nothing to steal the DM's magic from its inexperienced new wielder...
#'''The Last Illusion:''' Discovering a magical message from a benevolent [[Illusionist]] named Varla in the Swamps of Darkness, the party tries to find her and free her - but this will not go unchallenged.
#'''The Dragon's Graveyard:''' Sick and tired of Venger's harassment after he destroys a portal inches in front of them, the party force the Dungeon Master to reveal that, in the Dragon's Graveyard, their weapons will have the power to finish Venger off once and for all. But can the party really bring themselves to kill, even if it is Venger?
#'''Child of the Stargazer:''' The party's peaceful relaxing is disrupted when they are stumbled across by a young man named Kosar, fleeing the forces of the evil Queen Syrith, whose reign he is prophesied to end.
#'''The Dungeon At The Heart of Dawn:''' Erik's disobedience of the Dungeon Master finally has a true cost when he inadvertently releases an Elder Evil upon the realm, forcing a desperate race against time.
#'''The Time Lost:''' Having had his fill of the party's thwarting of his schemes, Venger tries to use a magical portal to Earth's past to disrupt Earth's history and ensure they are never born.
#'''Odyssey of the 12th Talisman:''' When an orphan named Lorne stumbles upon the powerful-yet-deadly Stone of Astra, he believes his luck to have finally changed. Can the party save him before he falls victim to the curse?
#'''Citadel of Shadow:''' Desperate to prove herself after bungling a recent mission, Sheila attempts to free a young girl named Kareena, who has been held prisoner by her evil brother. But it turns out that Kareena is no saint herself, and her brother is a figure all-too-familiar to the party...
#'''Cave of the Faerie Dragons:''' Saved from a pack of giant bugs by the aid of a clan of [[Faerie Dragon]]s, the party must repay their generosity by saving the clan from a greedy ruler who wishes to take their hoard.
#'''The Winds of Darkness:''' The party find their paths crossing with a malevolent demon of night named the Darkling, whom they must find a way to defeat. But only a mysterious old woman named Martha seems to hold the key to doing so, yet she refuses to do battle against the Darkling.

==Legacy==
Two of the characters from the cartoon make cameos in [[Baldur's Gate]] II. In 2006 the series was re-released on DVD and as extras included the planned but canceled finale as an audio drama (with one returning voice actor) and the ''Animated Series Handbook'', which gave each character and their unique item a 3rd edition stats block (though according to these Venger could save himself a lot of trouble by just walking up to the kids and using his Blasphemy SLA to kill them instantly) and had a small adventure featuring them. Among optimizer, the handbook is best known for the Energy Bow stats, since it has a bunch of unique abilities that fix everything wrong with 3rd edition archery. [http://archive.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/ask/20061227a It was reprinted on WotC's website].

The series became very popular in Brazilian television, with reruns even into the early 2000s. The series was called ''Caverna do Dragão'' ("The Dragon's Lair") while for some reason the actual tabletop game wasn't released under that name (Just "Dungeons & Dragons"), so the series wasn't seen as an adaptation of a pre-existing product, but its own thing. The popularity in Brazil resulted into series creator Michael Reaves teaming up with Brazilian cartoonist Reinaldo Rocha to release the last planned episode in comic form.

In 2019 Renault cashed in the nostalgia check and released a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kC9-bfsNne8| Live Action Car Commercial] based around this series.

==/tg/ Relevance==
What, are you blind? Seriously, this show is dripping with direct references to actual D&D lore of the time, and a veritable gold-mine of ideas to mine for your own fantastical D&D games.

Plus, to celebrate the anniversary, Wizards of the Coast released a short "Animated Handbook" containing a miniature adventure and full 3.5 stats for the kids, their magical weapons, Venger and Shadow Demon. Of the content, the most notable from a mechanics point of view is Hank's bow received a lot of attention, as it fixes two large problems archery had throughout most of 3.5: The lack of power attack and annoyance of dealing with variable strength when bows had to be made with a fixed strength in mind.

[[Category: Dungeons & Dragons]]

Approved Cartoons

2020-09-19T12:11:33Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: /* Action */

{{/co/}}
This is a list of [[/tg/]] '''approved [[/co/|cartoons]]''', organized loosely into genres. This list was only recently split from the [[Approved Television|television page,]] so feel free to contribute; try to keep to the formatting used in the [[Approved anime|anime page,]] and fix any deviations (episode counts, related games) that you can.

== Action ==
*'''The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers''': 80s cartoons were all just merch-driven crap... aside this gem. Amazingly high quality show, which is still perfectly watchable today (unlike pretty much anything else from the 80s). Mostly famous for combining space exploration, western and alien invasion, without falling into camp. Oh, and killing characters left and right. Think about it as a prototype Exosquad. Also, kick-ass music.

*'''The Adventures of Tintin''': A ''very'' faithful adaptation of classic Franco-Belgian comics series, combining quality animation, great source material and the pulpy adventure feeling. Think Indiana Jones, but with a reporter instead of an action archeologist. And just like the source material, the series swiftly balances humor, pulp qualities and serious, often dark themes (albeit stylized rather than depicted gorily there is on average at least one dead body per episode, yet this is still a kid-friendly show).

*'''Exosquad''': The European Front of World War II '''IN SPACE''' with Mechs and Power Armor. It is well plotted and can get surprisingly dark for what is supposed to be a kids' show with a very high body count, policies of extermination through starvation and genocide. Even so it suffered from having a small budget and a few sub par designs.

*'''Gargoyles''': Disney's serious response to Batman: TAS (as opposed to Disney's satirical response to Batman: TAS of Darkwing Duck, which was pretty damn good itself if a bit more conventionally cartoony). Some [[Gargoyle]]s (a race of winged strong humanoid creatures that turn into stone during the day, rather than mere architectural adornments) live in Scotland the middle ages fighting Vikings, get betrayed, frozen in stone and are re-awakened in modern New York by a businessman who could give Tzeentch lessons in plotting played by William Riker. That is just the beginning, as there are also stories of betrayal, robots, suits of [[power armor]], cyborgs and a fair number of magical things borrowing from a variety of mythological sources, but most notably the works of William Shakespeare.

*'''The Legend of Calamity Jane''': A too-good-to-last 90s cult classic. Probably the best "serious" animated western. Since it wasn't exactly made with kids in mind, it provides a lot of mature content. Which is the main reason why moral watchdogs killed it after just 13 episodes.

*'''Motorcity:''' Corporate overlord Mark Hamill has built an apple brand hive city on top of post apocalyptic Detroit and rules it with an iron fist while a band of renegades fights him from the Detroit Underhive with high tech muscle-cars. Similar to Megas XLR in a lot of ways, including being screwed over by the Network Execs.

*'''Nanook's Great Hunt''': A French-Canadian co-production, telling a story of a young Inuit boy on his self-declared quest to hunt down a mythical Great Bear which brough famine to his people. All in the backdrop of early 20th century and modernity slowly pushing even into the frozen fringes of the world. Borderline fantasy, since as long as things are viewed from Inuit perspective, everything is explained by magical thinking. Worth watching even for the setting and lore alone.

*'''Roughnecks: [[Starship Troopers]] Chronicles''': Take the best parts of the book and film and none of the crap. One of the early CGI shows (and it shows) cut short due to budget (as in just short of the ending).

*'''[[Samurai Jack]]:''' A wandering samurai lost in the future kicks ass and saves lives in his quest to get home. Elegance in simplicity. Amazing animation. [[Kaldor Draigo]] ''wishes'' he could be this cool. Finally got a conclusion on Adult Swim after years in limbo and the tragic death of Mako, the villain Aku's VA.

* '''Star Wars The Clone Wars:''' Not to be confused with the other one from 2005. A TV series that started out bad and gradually got better, while also injecting gradually enough grimdark to make some question how this show was for kids. Include the awesomness that is the Clone Troopers and their incredibly talented VA, who was starred in several of the shows on this list, great character development all over the board and smart ass one-liners. Really just did a fantastic job with the lore and expanding the universe. It is advised to skim through, if not outright ignore the first two seasons, as the series was still trying to figure out what it wants to be.

*'''Todd McFarlane's Spawn''': Imagine a world where animated series aren't related with kids and "animated" doesn't mean "low quality". That's the world from which Spawn was accidentally teleported from. Dark as fuck, it plays anti-hero dial so high you seriously wonder if the guy can even quality as a hero at all. Worth even for the imagery alone. It gave us Keith David as the man himself (bless his sexy, deep voice).

*'''[[War Planets]]/Shadow Raiders''': Forgotten third show from Mainframe in the 90s, alongside Reboot and Beast Wars. Four alien races that have been screwing each other over for thousands of years because they need the resources of each other's worlds have to put aside their difference in the face of a common foe -- a "Beast Planet" that devours entire worlds and their civilisations whole, overwhelming its prey first with armies of mindless drones. Very intense, very good characters, plenty of action. The Beast Planet is kind of a "[[Necron]]s imitating [[Tyranid]]s" enigma, which may be a good or a bad thing.

*'''[[Wakfu]]'''

== Capeshit ==
*'''Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes''': A Marvel animated series about the titular Avengers. Unlike the later Avengers Assemble show, it relies primarily on the comics for it's inspiration rather than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Also unlike the later Avengers show, it's actually good. Does a good job at balancing "monster of the week" episodes with a couple of running plot arcs across two seasons.

*'''Batman: The Animated Series:''' In a time when most cartoons were still [[My Little Pony|glorified half hour toy commercials]] BtAS dared to defy convention with a dark art style, darker themes, and characters you actually gave a shit about. This show was so iconic that a lot of the stuff you ''think'' was from the comic book (Harley Quinn, Mr. Freeze's wife Nora and more recently, the Phantasm) actually started here. This should be mandatory viewing for people making Batman films.

*'''Batman: Beyond:''' Sequel to the above series about a future Gotham where Bruce Wayne is a cranky old man who had to give up being Batman due to heart problems, in which a teenager is reluctantly accepted as a replacement Batman, using cyber-armor that is basically the batsuit sans cape but with rocket boots. Aside being a worthy contender for best animated Batman, it's also a great mine for cyberpunk ideas and storylines.

*'''The Justice League''' & '''The Justice League: Unlimited:''' More of the same cape stuff. These times with Superman & Batman are: Wonder Woman (WONDER WOMAN!), The Flash, Green Lantern (token black guy), Martian Manhunter (token green guy), Hawk Girl, and The Flash. Includes an amazing story arc involving Project Cadmus, mature story themes and jokes, and the amazingness that is The Question.

*'''Spider-Man: The Animated Series:''' One of the series that were Marvel's attempt to challenge the DC Animated Universe, most of which (Batman TAS, Batman Beyond, Superman TAS, Justice League) are already mentioned here. Whilst hindered by an absolutely '''insane''' chief executive who labeled ludicrous restrictions on the show (for example, Spidey was never allowed to be shown punching people), it had an amazingly creative writing team who managed to miraculously pull off a decent cartoon despite her. Drawing heavily from the 90s and late 80s comic, it had season-long story arcs, actual character development, and plenty of fantastical action sequences. It's not as good as BtAS due to a lesser budget and the aforementioned restrictions, but it is generally considered the absolute best of the Spidey cartoons, saving perhaps maybe the Spectacular Spider-Man from the early 2000s.

*'''Spider-Man 1966:''' One of several series of "motion comics" that Marvel put out in the 1960s, including ones for the Fantastic Four, the Incredible Hulk, Captain America, Iron Man and [[Thor]]. Limited animation, but the visuals and the plots are so batshit insane that it's worth watching just for laughs. A legendary fountain of memes just about everywhere on the Internet.

*'''Superman: The Animated Series:''' About the same quality of writing as the latest episodes of B:tAS (Bad, don't listen to the fanboys). This features 'the' seminal, if less popular, superhero: Superman from the planet Krypton. Made largely by the same crew as the above Batman, this series is another of the so christened 'Timmverse' that ended with...

*''' Teen Titans''' (2003): Unlike the erratic shittiness that is Go! this series is pretty good, but barely makes it onto this list. It stars a group of DC characters no one usually knew about until this show (unless you read the comics). It had mostly good character development and it had the Half-Demon awesomeness that is Raven. However, it's bogged down by bipolar tone (keeps shifting between goofy humor and serious drama, albeit not as badly as [[Hellsing]] Ultimate), a shitty character that dares to name herself after [[Holy Terra]], and some bullshit plot devices. Hilariously, there is a villain that is literally a combination of a Neckbeard and a 4chan board full of skub. He also happens to be the monster responsible for Go!'s existence. When Control Freak dies, he's gonna be Trigon's torture buddy for the rest of eternity for such a sin.

*'''[[Transformers]]''': Near-legendary multi-series franchise dating back to the mid-80s, all of which revolve, in some way, around giant alien robots fighting a war that has been raging for millions of years without end. Different series have different aspects, so pick carefully.

*'''X-Men: The Animated Series:''' One of the sister shows to the aforementioned SMtAS, and generally regarded of the best of them. Takes all of Spidey's creativity and faithfulness to the comics, lifts some of the restrictions, but also piles on an extra serving of ham and cheese. The story goes the voice actors were Shakespearean theatre trainees and couldn't quite get the hang of toning it down. Still, if you like voluptuous Southern belles suplexing giant robots whilst their hot African weather witch partner rants like an angry goddess, you've come to the right show.

*'''Young Justice''': A DC animated show wherein Batman recruits the sidekicks and super-powered relatives of various heroes to serve as a black ops team for the Justice League. In spite of starring a bunch of teenagers, everyone still gets decent character development when the show isn't trying to be Dawson's Creek with superpowers. Unfortunately canceled because the execs felt it wasn't toyetic enough. Recently renewed for a third season to drive subscriptions for DC's exclusive streaming service.

== Comedy ==
*'''[[Adventure Time]]'''. tl;dr: A kids cartoon made by a DnD nerd. Starts off [[Chaotic Stupid|random is funny]], and never really gives up on that, but slowly reveals itself to be set in a Grimdark post-apocalyptic fantasy world inhabited by mutants and whatever remains of Earth's original animal population. The main character is one of the few humans left alive. Had a lot of potential but was ruined by talentless noodle animation and excessively grimderp "real world problems" writing. Written to be accessible to both adults and kids, so oldfags can watch the earlier episodes with their hellspawn, should they wish. Also, [[PROMOTIONS|you want to fuck the vampire.]] Surprisingly Rebecca Sugar was an artist for this series, who is the producer for the hot garbage TV show Steven Universe

*'''Archer'''. Think "Arrested Development" meets James Bond. It's an adventure comedy about an alcoholic man-child, who just so happens to be the world's most dangerous secret agent, and his equally deranged co-workers which include, but are not limited to; a sex addict accountant, a sadistic pyromaniac ditz, a bare-knuckle boxing Human Resource manager, a sassy black woman with abnormally large hands, the main-character's narcissistic mother, and a mad nazi scientist. Hilarious, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHAHEhhJisk ultra quotable], and great source material for secret agent role-playing.

*'''Megas XLR:''' [[Tau|I DIG GIANT ROBOTS. YOU DIG GIANT ROBOTS. CHICKS DIG GIANT ROBOTS.]] That's all you really need to know. Big robots and funny shit. It's also the [[Ork|Orkiest]] show ever made, the Gork to [[Approved anime|Gurren Lagann's]] Mork.

*'''Rick and Morty:''' /tg/: the series. A comedy about an alcoholic mad scientist's adventures with his wimpy grandson. Has a instantly recognizable blend of fart humor and soul-crushing Nietzschean/Lovecraftian philosophy. Manages to pack a good amount of emotional punches with enough fun adventures and sci-fi/pop culture references to keep even the most stoic entertained. The third season is forever [[skub]] after the showrunner decided to replace the original writers with an all female team; speculated reasons range from [[SJW|"muh diversity"]] to [[Troll|"because I felt like it"]] but everyone agrees that it's just not the same. [[Reddit]] loves this series for the lolrandom bullshit and ebin pop culture references, so mention it on 4chan at your own peril, but it's still got some neato ideas for [[Genius: The Transgression]] campaigns.

*'''The Venture Bros.''' An absurd parody of Jonny Quest, 60's animated shows, comic books, and pretty much every action franchise ever. Episodes primarily theme around failure (so great for 4chan) and absurd comedy. Can be [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D8aBP-JOZsU hilarious] but like Austin Powers, it's hard to appreciate the comedy of it unless you've seen the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonny_Quest source material].

== Fantasy ==
*'''[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]''': Considered by many to be the gold standard for animated shows in the 00'es and one of the best Western-made narrative shows. It has garnered many a fan for their funny characters, deep story lines, character development and Asian-but-not-[[weeaboo]] flavor. The sequel series, Legend of Korra, is rather [[skub]]tastic and regarded as only good for [[Rule 34]] by much of /co/ and /aco/ (right down to be in their sticky).

*'''[[Conan the Adventurer]]''': A surprisingly good cartoon from the early 90s based off of, what else? [[Conan the Barbarian]]. Probably best known for its rocking opening theme (WARRIOR WITHOUT FEAR!), but it's surprisingly mineable for [[Dungeons & Dragons]] and has a lot of actual novel lore scattered through the kid-friendly stuff.

*'''Delta State''': All Psyker Party: The Series. Four flat-mates are trying to both figure out their life after suffering from amnesia and in the same time prevent the invasion of body-stealing Rifters [[Warp|from another dimension]]. While it sounds like nothing in particular, it packs a punch and easily hooks you up with interesting universe and very relatable characters - the series was a successful attempt to deliver something like seinen for Western animation, so it's not for kids, but also avoids all the problems of your typical "adult animation".

*'''[[D%26D_Cartoon|Dungeons & Dragons]]''': An absolute classic, worth watching even for the sake of the status alone. While the series still shows a lot of potential, most of it was wasted on too short episodes made on shoe-string budget. Being partially entangled into the [[Satanic Panic]] didn't help either. Still, worth watching. Just bring beer and friends. And a notepad for oldschool ideas. Sadly never got a proper canon ending. Is ''incredibly'' popular in Brazil, too.

*'''Jumanji''': Like a lot of successful and semi-successful films, Jumanji ended up with a follow-up cartoon. Pretty much what you'd want to see if Alan had stayed in Jumanji and Peter and Judy went on adventures with him. While the art style is (intentionally) weird, the episodes are amazingly mineable for campaigns and world-building ideas. Also featured many references to other works, but with a fun twist.

*'''Love, Death & Robots''': An animated anthology series that's all over the place, from comedy to cosmic horror and from pure skub for easy clickbait to genuinely good content, but remains very minable. Shorts "[[Tyranids|Suits]]", "[[Machine_Spirit|Lucky 13]]", "[[Kitsune|Good Hunting]]" and especially "[[Warp|Beyond the Aquila Rift]]" and "[[Delta_Green|The Secret War]]" are very much approved. While others like "[[Norsca|Ice Age]], "[[Drugs|Fish Night]]" and "[[Wulfen|Shape-Shifters]] are decent but perfectly serviceable. Others like "[[What|When the Yogurt took Over]]", "[[Commorragh|The Dump]] and "[[FAIL|Alternate Histories]]" are just plain terrible confusing messes.

*'''The New Adventures of Ocean Girl''': An Australian animated series, predominately aimed at teenage girls, but coming in a package with a complex world full of original races. Good world-building and bunch of interesting plot hooks and easy-to-reuse plot twists.

*'''Omer and the Starchild''': A French animated series. A truly rich world-building mixed with a lot of New Age imagery and surprisingly dark story for a kids show. The series follows adventures of Dan, the titular Starchild, in his quest to free "Twelve Wizards" and unite them against the evil Morkhan.

*'''Papyrus''': An animated adaptation of Franco-Belgian comics. An epic tale of a young fisherman tangled into the conflict between Egyptian gods, tasked with the mission of freeing Horus and putting end to the reign of Seth... regardless if Papyrus himself wants to or not being a plaything of gods.

== Old Stuff & Remakes ==
*'''He-Man/She-Ra:''' The original 80s [[Sword & Sorcery]] cartoons of choice, He-Man is about a cosmically-empowered [[barbarian]] hero who has to juggle his daily life as the foppish Prince Adam and his muscle-bound alter-ego whilst defending Castle Greyskull from the forces of Skeletor, an evil wizard who seeks to claim the castle and the cosmic powers it holds to rule the universe. It's 80s fucking bullshit to the extreme, but if you can embrace the cheese and get past the memetically limited animation, it's actually good, clean, turn-your-brain-off fun, with plenty of ideas to mine for a more S&S or old-school [[Science Fantasy]] setting. "She-Ra" is literally "He-Man for girls", with Prince Adam's twin sister Adora using the twin to He-Man's sword of power to turn into a super-powered [[Amazon]] warrior, leading a resistance on the magical world of Etheria against the Horde, an invading army of space monsters and robots.
** An early 90s remake tried to rebrand He-Man (since it was also one of the forerunners of "cartoons as toy commercials" in the 80s) and failed flat. Mostly forgotten, since it dropped everything unique about the setting, replacing it with generic science fiction.
** A 2001 remake of He-Man attempted to create a more serious, focused, action-orientated and generally less goofy take on the show. It worked, but sadly it died after two seasons due to a lack of an audience. Dig it up and enjoy it if you can.
** A 2017 "remake" called She-Ra and the Princesses of Power...exists. Whilst it ''technically'' has a better plot and animation than its predecessor, it is also much more rooted in post-2010s culture memes, so view at your own risk. Lesbians every-fucking-where...

* '''Jonny Quest:''' '''''The''''' adventure series from Hanna-Barbera, notable originally for being first "realistic" cartoon to be made and having amounts of violence and brutality - for a show ostentiably aimed at very young kids - that makes moral watchdogs twitch to this day. For those same reasons, it is also never-ending source of pulp ideas and weird science plots. Even if you never saw it, there is a high chance you can recognise the characters and hum the main theme, regardless of nationality. Comes in three distinctive flavours, all three very much approved:
** The original series from the 60s, titled simply ''Jonny Quest''.
** 80s revival series, ''The New Adventures of Jonny Quest'', which came with animation bump, updated the setting and made if far more kid-friendly, without losing the adventuring vibe
** 90s Cartoon Network sponsored remake, ''Jonny Quest: The Real Adventures'', which finally realised the series mostly watched by teen boys could benefit from having a teen-aged main character.

* '''Thundarr the Barbarian:''' Hanna-Barbera's [[Science Fantasy]] series set in the far future of post-apoc ruins of the United States. It's a collection of everything popular in early 80s: fantasy, post-apo, buff barbarians, Chewbacca look-alikes, <s>tits</s> princesses, light sabers and cheese. Copious amounts of cheese. If you ever wanted to run pulp megadungeon, look no further for inspiration. Aged far better than most 80s cartoons, since it wasn't intended as being a 20 minute long toy commercial.

*'''Thundercats:''' Regarded by /tg/ as "Dangerously [[Furry]]: the Cartoon". A [[Science Fantasy]] series revolving around a group of survivors from the destroyed world of Thundera crashlanding on the apocalyptic ruins of a far-future Earth and trying to rebuild their civilization, whilst battling mutants, monsters, magic and the ancient [[mummy]]-[[lich]]-thing called "Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living". Essentally He-Man, but more focus on action than on goofy comedy. Like He-Man, it also got a darker, edgier, more serious 2011 remake that fell through because <s>nobody watched it</s> everyone was turned away by the tone shift.
** Then it had yet another - an unapproved - remake with even worse reception, the late 2010s "Thundercats Roar", which doubles down on just about everything awful in cartoons.

== Unapproved, But Mineable ==
Any cartoons that have /tg/-worthy subject matter, but it's not like fa/tg/uys opinions really matter anyway.
*'''[[BattleTech]]:''' Yes, BattleTech had a cartoon series. It talks about a Adam Steiner and the 1st Somerset Strikers. It, wasn't that good. Its production value was lackluster and being forced into the animation age ghetto did not help. Its notable for its early use of transiting between traditional cel-animation and computer-generated imaging. While not godawful it was at best a slightly above average saturday morning cartoon that's inappropriate to it's subject manner. What's even more notable is that the show exists in the BattleTech universe. You read that right, this cartoon that depicts BattleTech actually exists in the BattleTech universe. Can give inspiration on how the actions of a party can be distorted or changed to fit a different narrative.

*'''Hazbin Hotel:''' Cartoon Network-tier [[Slaanesh|Slaaneshii stuff]], man. A grimdark musical comedy about the princess of hell (who acts like a typical Disney princess) and her girlfriend opening a hotel where demons are reformed in the hope that they will be able to checkout into Heaven, so that Hell won't be forced to go through regular population purges anymore. Their first test subject is drug addicted spider demon porn star. A mysterious and extremely powerful demon known as The Radio Demon, who is convinced that demons are irredeemable so their plan is impossible, offers to help so that he can enjoy watching them fail.

*'''Regular Show:''' A weird show that appeared on Cartoon Network with a really crappy final season. Still, quirky characters, more than a few /tg/ worthy references, and a few decent jokes with lol random stuff all over the place make it decent enough if you need something to play while you paint that Gaunt Swarm.

*'''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] AKA Sonic SatAM''': A animated adaption of Sonic the Hedgehog. Well regarded by fans as something of a cult classic. Do be warned it is full of 90's cheese, it was a Saturday morning cartoon meant to make money off of a cartoon character after all. One special note is Jim Cummings in one of the better depictions of Dr. Robotnik. Also features one of the better depictions of nature vs industrialization, less green Aesop and more freedom from slavery. Mineable for concepts and a villain. [[Chris-chan|Possibly even watched by the]] [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|God-Emperor of Mankind.]] The Archie comic is also of note since it does technically continue the story, though do be warned of Ken Penders. He is considered the Matt Ward of the Sonic Fandom.

*'''Steven Universe''': This series isn't on the list because its writing, plotting, character design, or animation are in any way worthwhile. This series is on the list because its premise is absolutely kickass. Thousands of years ago, a caste-based race of mineral-based "Crystal Gems" with holographic bodies dominated the galaxy, draining planet after planet of life to fuel their parasitic reproduction. A small band of Gems refused to let this continue, rebelling against their masters and shattering their empire at great cost to both sides. Now, a small cadre of Gems remains on the planet Earth, protecting humanity from the monsters their civil war left behind and raising the rebel leader's "son," a human boy infused with her power and essence. [[Fail|Unfortunately, he's kind of a fuckup,]] and he's going to have to learn how to use his powers fast because the Gem empire is coming back for round two. Surprisingly mineable for campaign and adventure ideas, when it decides to stop being hollow slice of life and gets its ass in gear. Warning: prolonged viewing <s>may</s> will cause [[Sanity|SAN loss.]]

*'''Tigtone:''' Similar to Adventure Time but even more insane and a lot more bloody. The surreal adventures of a murderhobo named Tigtone who is obsessed with completing quests, writing about his quests in his journal, and shouting his own name. Takes place in a world that runs on a mixture of video game and dream logic. Has a unique animation style created with realistic paintings brought to life with motion capture to look deliberately uncanny like a poorly animated video game but also strangely beautiful.

[[Category:Approved Media]]

Low Fantasy

2020-09-19T11:52:27Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039:

{{stub}}

'''Low Fantasy''' is a fantasy [[Setting Aesthetics]] term which practically no two people agree on the precise definition of, beyond being the polar opposite of [[High Fantasy]]. At its core, it adheres much closer to a "realistic" version of a semi-historical world - it's usually set on a world other than Earth, though, which helps distinguish it from historical fantasy, but not always. A Low Fantasy world generally has a "shades of gray" approach to morality, often slanting towards the cynical, which is why the term is often confused with [[Dark Fantasy]]. Magical elements and useres are extremely rare and either very subdued and weak. Alternatively, they can be quite powerful but coming at a terrible price for the user/their allies/everyone else; so there are few who dare use it and terrible punishments for the practitioners if found out. [[Dinosaur]]s are more likely to appear than [[dragon]]s, and even then still be rare, whilst the world is distinctly humanocentric, with minimal (if any) [[demihuman]] presence. [[Adventurer]]s are usually normal people who have taken up a cause, if not just wandering psycho bastards.

[[Category: Gamer Slang]] [[Category: Setting Aesthetics]]

Low Fantasy

2020-09-19T11:50:35Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039:

{{stub}}

'''Low Fantasy''' is a fantasy [[Setting Aesthetics]] term which practically no two people agree on the precise definition of, beyond being the polar opposite of [[High Fantasy]]. At its core, it adheres much closer to a "realistic" version of a semi-historical world - it's usually set on a world other than Earth, though, which helps distinguish it from historical fantasy, but not always. A Low Fantasy world generally has a "shades of gray" approach to morality, often slanting towards the cynical, which is why the term is often confused with [[Dark Fantasy]]. Magical elements and useres are extremely rare and either very subdued/weak or quite powerful but coming at a terrible price for the user/their allies/everyone else; [[dinosaur]]s are more likely to appear than [[dragon]]s, and even then still be rare, whilst the world is distinctly humanocentric, with minimal (if any) [[demihuman]] presence. [[Adventurer]]s are usually normal people who have taken up a cause, if not just wandering psycho bastards.

[[Category: Gamer Slang]] [[Category: Setting Aesthetics]]

Commissar

2020-09-19T11:45:58Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: Undo revision 700134 by 58.162.223.230 (talk)

[[Image:Comissar.png|frame|{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}]]
{{Awesome}}
''But sir -- ! 
{{BLAM|''*click* '''*BLAM!*''' If you will not serve in combat, then you will serve on the firing line!}} 
''-- but....your....zipper, sir... it's open... 
{{BLAM|''*click* '''*BLAM!*''' Looking at my groin is Slaaneshi worship! <strike>And that's good!</strike> ''*click* '''*BLAM!*''' No! That's HERESY! Who let that damn cultist infiltrate the Commissariat?}} 
{{Topquote|{{BLAM|How many Guardsmen does it take to unload a gun? Lets find out shall we? '''*BLAM!*'''}}| A Commissar with a twitchy finger}}

{{Topquote|I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion.|Alexander the Great}}
{{Topquote|Kerls, wollt ihr ewig leben? - Rascals, do you want to live eternally?|Frederick II of Prussia, to his reluctant-to-attack soldiers, battle of Kolin}}
{{Topquote|Last one to die's an Eldar!|A Commissar}}
{{Topquote|You're going back to the front lines and you may get shot and killed, but you're going to fight. If you don't, I'll stand you up against a wall and have a firing squad kill you on purpose. In fact, I ought to shoot you myself, you goddamned whimpering coward.|George S. Patton to a shell-shocked soldier in the hospital, noteable: This didn't work and he was made to apolgize, because he was in World War II, not Warhammer 40K.}}

In the times long before these dark hours of the forty-first millennium, commanders of various Terran military entities and their successors in the colonial states of galactic expansionism remained in relative safety throughout the duration of various conflicts instead of charging the lines of their enemies with vitriol and froth issuing from their mouths in equal rabid measure. The instruments of the will of higher officers on the battlefield were men of inflexible will and intolerable zealotry, men greatly respected and feared by their underlings who inspired entire battalions with selfless example and were willing to sacrifice themselves for the success of their company and their empire. These times, while flawed, <s>were much better, more efficient and, perhaps, possessing greater sanity than this current era of strife.</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!'''}} Regardless, these times have long passed.

In this current moment of the history of man, war has become a very different thing. Lasguns firing, explosives detonating, great beasts of unimaginable terror charging the trenches without fear, death of all sorts stalking behind every wisp of smoke... and that's just at the front. Behind every line of trembling conscripts is a man, sanctimonious, who fires not upon the hordes of the enemy, but his own troops.

That man is the '''Commissar'''.

They get a cool [[hats|hat]], a [[Nazi]]-esque longcoat, a sword or power fist they seem all too happy to hit the enemy with and their iconic bolt pistol which they use to "boost" the morale of their men, although they sometimes trade it for las or plasma pistols (but seeing your buddy's head explode or melt down does indeed motivate you better than just seeing a laser beam go through it). In reality however they're nothing more than a couple of faggots who overcompensate for their lack of fighting skill by executing their men to look tou{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. It's a well known fact that most of their morale enhancement (Unless they're [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Ciaphas Cain]], or [[Commissar Yarrick]].) consists of being scary merciless bastards to rival the enemy merciless bast- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}.

A Commissar that lacks any guardsmen to execute and is in the proximity of any vehicle proceeds to clamber on the said vehicle and threaten the crew into charging the enemy so he can hit the enemy with his close combat weapon. Hilarity ensues depending on the kind of closest vehicle, close combat weapon and closest enemy.

Commissars also have a tendency to get killed suspiciously far from the front lines. Fucking [[Catachan]] heretics... And yet, I cannot help but applaud the Catachans! You've got my support, Jungle Bo <s>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!'''}}</s> '''BOOM!! FRAGGED!!!''' Such a tragedy. Our platoon's dear Commissar tripped on his own grenade, while in the latrines. Oh well, such is life fighting in the Emperor's name. Hopefully his replacement will learn well from such an unfortunate accident.

They also have mad shooting skills, some can even execute '''ENTIRE SQUADS OF COWARDS''' in the time it takes to drop their hats. If only they could shoot the enemies that fast, what with their phenomenal accuracy when shooting their own men and all.

<s>'''THEY'RE SONS OF BITCHES!'''</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!'''}} <s>YOU SEE HE SHOT ME, WHAT AN ASSHOLE!</s> {{BLAM|'''QUIET, HERETIC! *BLAM*'''}} <s>I'm not dead!</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!-BLAM!* DOUBLE HERESY! ONLY CHAOS INFESTED HERETICS REFUSE TO DIE FOR THEIR COMMISSARS'''}} <s>I FEEL FINE!</s>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!-BLAM!-BLAM!-BLAM!-BLAM!-BLAM!*'''}} <s>I don't want to go on the cart!</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!'''}} <s>[[Necrons|I'll be back!]]</s> [[Avenger Strike Fighter|BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTT!!!!]]

They are preceded with Discipline Masters in Great Crusade era.

==On a more serious note==
Beyond their reputation as [[Khârn|team-killing fuckheads]], the presence of Commissars make a lot of sense in the Imperial Guard. Copy-pasted straight from Civil War Soviet real world Commissars (save for the uniform) with a dash of Great War-era "charge the enemy or I'll execute you" British Army officer thrown in, they're political officers with everything that entails.

First of all, they are the warrants of doctrine. They will deal with any disciplinary issue coming up whenever a Guardsman misbehaves. The punishment for cowardice and desertion is death and the Commissar will apply the sentence on the spot, but that is only the tip of the iceberg. As a Guard regiment travels around the Imperium, they will come in contact with other cultures and ideas. Ideas that could potentially be dangerous and morale-ruining (looking at you [[Tau]] propaganda, but not only). Just like their real-world counterparts made sure random Ivan remained true to the ideals of communism, the Imperial Commissar will ensure such heretical ideas are suppressed and the regiment remains loyal to the Imperium and fit for duty. Where to the simple Guardsman this translates into being constantly watched by a terrifying enforcer of discipline that does not hesitate to shoot a deserter on the spot, to the higher echelons of the Guard they're a (frankly necessary) constant reminder they're supposed to do their job as defined by [[High Lords of Terra|the old coots back home]] and not go rogue to seize a planet for their own or carve out their own little kingdom. Yeah, it takes a lot to become a Commissar, tactical and strategic training included: after all, they have to judge the competence of everyone, up to and including Lords Solar.

A second part of their job is to ensure cooperation between elements of the Guard. You see, the Imperium is vast. Extremely vast. And only very loosely unified as a whole. Hence what is considered quite normal on one world would have denizens from another throw a massive bitchfit, if not worse. Imagine the result of stuck-up [[Mordian Iron Guard]]s in the same room as rowdy [[Catachan Jungle Fighters]] unsupervised, you'll get the idea. Commissars make sure discipline is maintained and rules are adhered to (by force of arms if necessary), no matter the origin of the warriors under their care.

The third part is military counseling. Officially, a Commissar is outside the chain of command and can only advise on military matters, the ultimate decision remaining in the hands of the commanding officer. But, as mentioned, they also have the authority to execute any soldier if they conclude they're severely derelict in the prosecution of their duties (this includes high ranking officers, as both [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Ibram Gaunt]] and Viktor Hark have demonstrated). This means that Commissars will most of the time stay close to the action and lead by example and that people will listen to what they have to say (and almost always agree outright) for fear of {{BLAM}}. One of the core tenets of the [[Imperial Creed]] is [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Mankind's right to be the sole owners of the Galaxy]], and the Commissar is always ready to personally prove it to any [[Harlequin|particular]] [[Exodite|breed]] [[Eldar Corsairs|of]] [[Eldar|Space]] [[Dark Eldar|Elf]], [[Ork]], [[Necron]], [[Tyranid|space bug]] or whoever was stupid enough to question Mankind's right to rule the stars with their existence that day. (They're helped by often being the most well-equipped and hardest motherfuckers in the squad.)

Should it come to pass that the leader of a squad or regiment has fallen (one way or another, either due to the enemy or {{BLAM}}), the Commissar will assume command himself. Most Guardsmen dread when this happens for this all too often results in a <strike>pointless last stand for anyone involved</strike> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY! No death in the Emperor's name is pointless!'''}}; anyone attempting to retreat being helped to a bolter shell to the back of the head for cowardice. This is often all too true, but the Commissar has no choice: he simply cannot flee or order a retreat as he's well aware this would be the surest way for morale to collapse immediately, especially if he just executed the commanding officer. In many cases the situation has already gone so FUBAR when he assumes command that standing his ground and taking as many enemies of the Emperor with him as he can is the only meaningful choice left to him and the men close to him; [[Fist of the North Star|for they are already dead]]. The inverse is also true, if a commander refuses to retreat when it would serve the Emperor to do so, he can and will take command as well. This said, it is not always a bad thing when it happens. [[awesome|The most famous example]], of course, is [[Commissar Yarrick]] assuming command of the defense of [[Armageddon]]; whose undaunted contest of Hades hive made [[Ghazghkull Thraka]] lose sight of the larger battle because he couldn't see it as anything but a personal challenge and answered in kind, leaving the flanks of his hordes wide open for the Imperial counter-attack. Another thing to remember is that while a Commissar can temporarily recieve or assume command, they will relinquish it back to a proper officer at the end of the mission/first occasion they get. They are ([[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|mostly]]) watchdogs meant to keep an eye on the proceedings, not leaders themselves.

Last but not least, the Commissars are also trained to look out for xenos or chaotic taint. Not all enemies of the Imperium [[Ork|conveniently charge at the Guard straight on]] but use much more insidious methods. So the Commissars are taught a little bit (just what is needed) about Chaos, [[Genestealer Cult|Genestealers]], Enslavers and all those kind of joyful things that could fuck over their regiment and how to look out for it, with the strict instruction to {{Blam}} anything they find out on sight. Any [[psyker]] in their regiment will be under their constant scrutiny because where Average Joe just has a vague knowledge he should 'abhor the witch', the Commissar know what would happen if he would get [[Daemonhost|possessed]]. Better safe than sorry.

With the above in mind, you easily understand why Commissars are at best tolerated and often hated with a passion by the men under their care. They are hard and pitiless men, but that is a sad necessity in the [[grimdark|just as hard and pitiless 40k universe where the alternative is even worse]]. It should also be noted, that not all Commissars are trigger-happy fucknuts. The intelligent ones that live long lives learn that the right words can often inspire men just as well, if not better, than a bolt to the head. These Commissars learn to tell the difference in situations. After all, the Commissars first job is to inspire the troops, through whichever means are most appropriate. Of course, the trigger-happy fucknuts do tend to spoil the bunch for the good ones.

==Choices of equipment==
*Badass longcoat, badass sash and even more badass hat straight out of Hugo Boss during the Nazi era.
*Mars-Pattern ceramite balls
*Flak armour- Standard guardsman issue Commissar armoured underwear.
*Carapace armor & Refractor field- A better armour and a force field for genre-savvy Lord Commissar.
*Camo-cloak. Serves to hide said badass garments and get less fire from the enemy and guardsmen.
*Special Mask for a Lord that weeps tears of blood near traitors! Oh and scares people. Also gives a force field.
*(Other) Special Mask for Commissars lucky enough to get the Death Korps of Krieg (easiest gig in the guard cuz Kriegers commissar themselves)

*Saber- Often carried to swing towards enemies while riding a Leman Russ tank so that he could drive closer and hit enemies with his sword.
**[[Chainsword]]- For a sword that's actually useful more often than not.
**[[Power weapon|Power sword or power axe]]- For slaying armored enemies and hassle-free decapitations.
**Power fist- For punching through enemy [[METAL_BOXES|Metal Bawkses]].

*[[Laspistol]]- Clean, precise, and efficient working tool of the Commissar that doesn't waste ammunition. Less satisfying to execute people with though. The Imperial Infantryman’s Uplifting Primer recommend it however as the laser beam will cauterize the wound it makes, keeping your uniform spring clean despite your executions. This is noted to be the favored pistol of choice for the vast majority of commissar's featured in the Dawn of War series.
*Bolt pistol- Produces very satisfying {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ming sound that raises self-esteem of the worthless ponce hold-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}, can also get through standard issue Imperial flak armor if you need to blam someone in the chest on the battle field.
*[[Bolter]]- Good for shooting underarmoured enemies and your entire squad if you suspect them all of {{BLAM|HERESY}}.
*[[Plasma|Plasma pistol]]- Good for shooting armoured enemies dead, and executing cowardly tanks. Bad for summary executions since it's poor form for it to over heat when trying to "inspire" your squad.
*Baleful Eye- [[Commissar Yarrick|Lasgun built in the eye socket to kill Orks with a glare]].
*Grenades & bombs.
*Titanium balls.
*Two pairs of balls, (see above)

==Reasonable Commissars==
Reasonable Commissars do not execute those who flee. However, they do carry a potent stun-gun to bring down those who break ranks and save the bolter shells for those who have willingly became servants of Chaos or Xenos. Afterwards, the accused is brought before a military tribunal to judge what the appropriate punishment will be. Reasonably Hard Labor is a common punishment. If a not-so-reasonable Commissar is present the punishment is invariably a {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ing. The bast- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}

Reasonable Commissars can often be found in units operating alongside [[Reasonable Marines]].

Reasonable Commissars understand their duty is to instill courage within the Imperial Guard, not to instill discord and discontent. Thus they lead by example and be the first to die and last to retreat.

Reasonable Commissars only exist because there are Commissars who are *ahem* ''dicks''...such as Commissar Jericho of the 8th Cadian Whiteshield division:

{{topquote|Lil' Timmy: "Commissar? My helmet won't fit. Can you please help me fasten it?" Jericho: "IF YOU CANNOT FASTEN YOUR OWN HELMET, YOU'RE AN INEFFECTIVE SOLDIER! AN INEFFECTIVE SOLDIER IS THE SAME AS A HERETIC IN MY BOOK! SUMMARY EXECUTION FOR YOU!" {{BLAM}} "SO. ANY OF YOU OTHER CHILDREN WANT HELP WITH SOMETHING? WHAT ABOUT YOU, OLIVER? DO YOU STILL WANT MORE PORRIDGE? OH WAIT, YOU'RE DEAD! HAH! GET BACK TO FIGHTING YOU LITTLE PIECES OF SLIME!|From the records of Inquisitor Murtho}}

To some extent, they do actually exist in Warhammer canon, with [[Ciaphas Cain]] ('''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!''') and [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Ibram Gaunt]] being the most iconic examples, the fact that they became tremendously famous (OK, Gaunt - not so much) and idolized is implied to have led to many newer Commissars using their less trigger happy and more reasonable methods. Proof that sometimes, you can make a positive difference in Warhammer.

It could be argued that all Commissars are reasonable as most don't hold malicious intent when killing their own, or don't kill their own unless in extreme (Read: Chaos) circumstances, since most of the time shooting your own men can be counterproductive when they're light infantry fleeing from a Super heavy tank. Or if they, you know, have orders to pull back. Obviously they are evil fucks for killing their own men but usually it is done because it has to be done. Rules are rules, heresy is heresy, and Commissars have to show some authority. Not saying that they are necessarily nice guys but no Commissar ever sleeps well at night, except Gaunt, he was pretty fucking cool!

==Female Commissars==
A female Commissar is a rare sight, except by the Vostroyans, otherwise, there is little to no representation in the fluff. This is because women in the [[Schola Progenium]] are far more likely to end up in the [[Adepta Sororitas]] (because the limitations set after [[Goge Vandire|Goge Vandire]] had to go fuck everything up, so the Ecclesiarchy needs all they can get). However, there have been all-female regiments of guardswomen, and they only had female Commissars.

In the recent [[Lemartes]] novel, there is a female Commissar Stromberg attached to the [[Mordian Iron Guard]]--she died like she lived, making an infantry charge against motherfucking [[Skarbrand]] of all things before being ripped into 3 bits with one axe swing, thus buying enough time for the Blood Angels to regroup and therefore get all the glory of banishing the Daemon. Typical.

[[Commissar Raege]] is one of the rare cases of a woman that became a Commissar.

As of late 2018-2019, Games Workshop has put out a series of novels about a female Commissar called Severina Raine. They've also released a really nice model for her (which is horribly overpriced in cash - she costs nearly twice as much as the most expensive Commissar models, and has fairly lame rules). They've also hyped her as a fan favorite despite being a newcomer which reeks of [[Games Workshop#/tg/ Analysis of Games Workshop|corporate greed]], [[SJW|or worse]]; since Raine got a model while long-time fan-favorite [[Ciaphas Cain|Cain]] hasn't even got a model yet (unlike Cain, Gaunt and his Ghosts at least had metal minis made of them years ago).

==Commissar in Squat Regiments==
It was considered a common occurrence for a Commissar to be grouped with a [[Squat]] regiment when they were still relevant in 40k lore. However unlike in the Guard, the Commissars being stationed with the stunties act as advisers rather than a force of morale. This is mainly done to keep an eye on the Squats. Of course a Commissar is forbidden in {{BLAM|Blamming}} a Squat since while he has a Bolt/Laspistol, you basic [[Squat Trooper]] has Plasma Guns, Conversion Beamers and captured [[Eldar]] D-Cannons as their flashlight equivalent. So if the Commissar is a idiotic prick and thinks he/she has near impunity with the Squats he is stationed with, he will soon find his face kissing the barrel of a Squat Melta Gun.

Wish we still have some of our Dorfs back, then we can teach these red-capped bastards on what it is like on the firing li-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' insulting a Commissar is ''HERESY''! BLAM! BLAM! BLA-}} '''*FFSSSHHHHHOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!* Oi! Ye Boltshell hit Grimmly in the eye! Your payment for harming us is swift ye Red-Capping Boggort!'''

Yeah, the Space Dorfs did not fuck around back in the day. Commissars act not only as advisers but also supporting leaders. But their leadership is often ineffectual when compared to that of [[Squat Warlord]], [[Guildmaster]] or heck, even a [[Living Ancestor]].

==Traitor Commissars==
{{Heresy}}
[[File:TraitorCommissarOgryn.jpg|thumb|200px|right|''Those who would break this oath are Heretics, worthy of neither pity, nor mercy! '']]
While it was originally believed to be near impossible for any Commissar to fall to Chaos (at least for those of you following the [https://regimental-standard.com/2017/05/10/your-friend-the-commissar/ The Regimental Standard], and [https://regimental-standard.com/2019/03/13/commissars-an-errata/ The Regimental Standard] never lies, although it may make very minor errors at times), the existence of Traitor Commissars has been confirmed. While it seems they still act as leaders of heretics and traitor Guardsmen, their exact role (and whether or not they execute people for being possible Loyalists) is uncertain, although a good guess is that they'd act like [[Renegade Enforcer|enforcers]] on a wider scale. 
Ciaphas Cain in his memoirs states that Commissars occasionally do join Chaos when their regiment joins Chaos, but normally if a regiment decides to serve Chaos, the Commissar is one of the first people killed by the regiment when it decides to purge loyalists of the Corpse Emperor. In one of the Ciaphas Cain books, a Commissar joins the 13th Black Crusade.

Out of meta, there are only two instances where we've seen playable Chaos commissars: the first being the abovementioned Enforcers made by Forge World and the second being the Escalation expansion of [[Blackstone Fortress]], where he's accompanied by a mutant Ogryn bodyguard.

==What not to do around a Commissar==

[[Image:Commissar_NO.jpg|thumb|200px|right|If you have to ask...]]
Unless you have a death wish (since you're drafted into the Guard, we already KNOW you have a death wish) these are the things you should avoid doing around your Commissar unless you want to be shot for a number of reasons:

*Do not retreat until he says so.
*Do not look like you will retreat before he says so.
*Do not think about retreating before he says so.
*Do not think about thinking of retreating before he says so.
*Do not retreat even WHEN he says so.
*Do not refuse to retreat when he says so because you will later be shot for insubordination.
*Do not be incompetent in battle, he'll execute you for being useless.
*Do not move too far away from a Commissar attached to your squad, he might think you are retreating without his command.
*Do not fap to the women that are [[Shlicktau|xenos]], [[Cultist-chan|heretics]], or [[Furry|mutants]] while in the field of battle... or outside.
*Do not fap to [[-4_Str|human women]] either, he'll execute you for dereliction of duty. Also, Slaanesh worship.
*Do not fap '''AT ALL''' Because it is heresy. No! Fap to the Corpse-Empero- wait, I kinda gave that away, didn't- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!!}}
*Do not mock anyone in the upper command structure, social status and organizations. It's the same as treason and treason, kids, is [[HERESY]].
*Do not look at your Commissar with a [[grimdark]] look, he'll assume you want to kill him. Unless you're a Catachan. He doesn't need to see the look to know you want to kill him.
*Do not pretend to listen to your Commissar.
*Do not pretend to pretend to listen to your Commissar.
*GODAMMIT LISTEN TO YOUR COMMIS- {{BLAM|'''*CRACK*'''}} Oops my lasgun misfired. Sorry Commissar... (not really) {{BLAM|'''*Rolls a six on the armor save.''' '''*BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM*''' Not apologizing for shooting your Commissar is heresy!}}
*Do not interrupt him while speaking, he'll execute you for the insubordination.
*Do not change your underwear. Tzeentch worship.
*Do not neglect to change your underwear. Nurgle worship.
*Do not bring up the paradox of changing underwear. Malal worship. (There is no paradox as long as you follow the correct procedure. First remove and burn the tainted garment while reciting the litany of blessed hygiene. Instead of "Changing" your underwear, proceed to replace the purged garments with identical standard pattern guard issued underwater.)
*Do not worship the [[Chaos|ruinous powers]], even if your Commissar is-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Commissars are loyal servants of the Emperor!}}
*Do not look like you are worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think about worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think about thinking about worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think '''AT ALL''' or he'll think you are thinking about worshiping the ruinous powers.
*Do not find out about the Ruinous Powers. Best you can hope for is being sterilised and mind-wiped.
*Do not fall ill. Nurgle worship.
*Do not fall seriously ill. Serious Nurgle worship.
*Do not think about getting ill. More Nurgle worship.
*Do not think abou- To Hell with this, you are already thinking about getting ill! {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*Do not watch "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", that is both Tzeentch and Slaanesh worship. (and if the excessive cuteness makes you sick than it's also Nurgle Worship, and if the associations with Chaos or furries makes you overly angry that's Khorne worship.)
*Do not openly question his orders.
*Do not question his orders behind his back either.
*Do not suggest your orders are suicidal.
*Do not suggest that said "''suicidal''" Commissar should join the enemy, if he is able to kill his squad so quickly.
*Do not suggest anything, lest he take it for Heresy.
*Do not mention that the Ministorum Priests are better motivators. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination!}}
*Do not mention that the sanctioned Psykers scare you more than him. <s>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination again!}}</s> {{BLAM|Actually that's acceptable, the mutant witch must be thoroughly abhorred and constantly monitored for [[heresy]].}} '''UNBLAM!''' Commissar did I just see you execute a guardsmen and than bring him back to life? Could that perhaps be a bit of chaos sorcery? *Flashes Inquisitorial Seal* I think we need to have a little chat back aboard my ship. Seize this Commissar on suspicion of [[Heresy]]!
*Do not mention that he is the most useless unit to have in a command squad. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination again! Why won't you die!?}} Oh Holy Terra your Unblamming made him a [[perpetual]]. Take this guardsman back to the ship as well and tell the captain to prepare for [[Exterminatus]] this whole page is corrupted.
*Do NOT interrupt him while attempting to execute someone <s>unless you have a pretty good reason</s> as he'll execute you along with the one about to be executed.
*DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES challenge him or her in a western shootout. Why? Because they'll {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} kill you all in LESS than a splitsecond, now get back to the front, or you'll join him.
*DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES give your Commissar a new bolt pistol for his birthday. Just think of how fast he can {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} your squad if he goes Akimbo...
*Do not ask a Commissar for a bullet in the head. He ''will'' have you flogged for cowardice.
*Do not ask a Commissar for a flogging. He '''''WILL''''' have you shot in the spine for being a Slaaneshi Cultist. Not that that's a bad thing, being a Sla-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}
*Do not, in any way, shape, or form, give a zealous Commissar an Assault Cannon. You will have no unit.
*Do not, under any circumstances, give a zealous Commissar a Deathstrike Missile Launcher. You ''will'' have no army.
*Do not give a zealous Commissar a spacecraft. You will have [[Exterminatus|lost a planet]].
*Do not give a Commissar a cookie, or he'll think you are trying to poison him. You chaos worshipping freak.
*Do not be bald, then you are a Genestealer.
*Do not be balding, then you are becoming a Genestealer.
*Do not think about balding, then you are thinking about becoming a Genestealer.
*Do not think about thinking about balding, you don't wanna become a Genestealer.
*Do not add to this list, or else he will have you shot for insubordination. He- Yes, Sir!... No, sir... Sir? {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}
*<strike>THIS LIST NEEDS MORE CHAOS!</strike>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}!!
*Do not use an axe as a last-ditch weapon. Khornate behaviour. Only acceptable if having said "For the Emperor!" and dying soon afterwards for the Imperium.
*Do not eat your rations in a particularly vigorous manner. Khorne worship.
*Any alteration of the standard uniform shall not be tolerated. Tzeentch worship.
*Growing facial hair in the pres- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. More Tzeentch worship.
*Do not cut yourself while shaving your facial hair. More Khorne worship.
*Surviving a life threatening injury at the hands of the enemy. Serious Tzeentch worship.
*Do not bring prostitutes to the base while your unit is on leave. Slaanesh worship (and just plain improper behavior).
*Waking up lat- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. Cowardice.
*Do not deface or lose your Imperial Infantrymen's Uplifting Primer. (even though any veteran guardsman will tell you most of pages are complete bullsh- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} )
*Calling your self a member of the "Astra Militarum" {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} we are and always have been the Imperial Guard: Hammer of the Emperor!
*Do not lose your issued Lasgun. Unless it's loss is unavoidable in{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} {{BLAM|A proper Guardsman would never lose his Lasgun.}}
*Do not remind him that technically Commissars are outside the chain of command and cannot order you. So next time a fraking com- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''. Cursing Commissars is HERESY!!!}}
*Do not try to take the easy way out with suicide. Malal worship. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY! MALAL DOES NOT EXIST!}}
*Do not kill heretics. Malal worship. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY! Once again, MALAL DOES NOT EXIST!}}
*Do not steal from a Commissar.
*Do not make fun of the Emperor.
*Do not act in a way that convinces your Commissar that you could be a [[Genestealer]]. After all, it could be any one of us. It could be you, it could be me, it could even b{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} Whoa, whoa! {{BLAM|What? It was ''obvious''! He's the Genestealer! Watch, he'll sprout gribbly bits any second now! ... Any... Second now... See? Gribbly bits! No, wait, that's intestines.}} So, we still have a problem. {{BLAM|Big problem. Alright, who's ready to go find the Genestealer?}} Right behind you. {{BLAM|'''*BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!*''' BY THE EMPEROR, SEND THE ULTRAMARINES, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!}}
* Do not gift the Commissar a bolter. This will allow him to blam even more {{BLAM|'''*BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM*''' Your unit has been executed for Cowardice!}} <s>Sir they were the artill-</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Disagreeing with the Commissar is heresy as well!}}
*Do not gift the Commissar a Missile launcher. He will use it on the tanks. {{BLAM| '''Any tank that does not drive into sward swiping distance is clearly a traitor tank! *FWOOSH!*}}
*Do not gift the Commissar a heavy bolter. Seriously, just do--{{BLAM|'''*THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP* I will use whatever weapon I want to dammit!'''}} Ha ha you missed. That's what happens when you move with a heavy weapon idi- {{BLAM| '''*SLASH* Fight phase bitch! Eat power sword!'''}}
* Whatever else you do, Never Ever EVER steal a Commissar's hat.

==What to do around a Commissar==
[[File:Oh Lawd.png|150px|right|thumb|Nothing escapes the vigilant eye of a Commissar (except everything)]]
*Worship the Emperor
*Talk fairly loudly about how the chaos gods suck. (Except for slaanesh who is just bad damn thing dosen't need to suck any more. Besides, saying Slaanesh sucks could be considered worship, resulting in a {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!ing*'''}}).
*Make sure all your gear is organized, cleaned, maintained, and free of non-standard issue modifications.
*Do go into [[rage]] mo- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Getting angry is Khorne worship! (Raging over the filthy xenos is acceptable though.)}}
*Praise him on a job well done when circumstances are right- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Kissing ass is borderline Slaneesh worship!}}
*Shine his laspistol when he isn't using it. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Handling your superior officer's weapons is grand treason!}}
*Give him a blowjo- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' SLAANESHI HERETIC!}}
*Charge towards Khorne Berserkers even if you don't want to. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Suicidal charges are borderline Khorne worship. Neglecting to charge however is disobeying orders. So either way you get '''*BLAM!*'''ed.}}
*Go to battle even if you're feeling sic- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Spreading sickness to your comrades is serious Nurgle worship!}}
*Compliment his marksmanship skills. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KISSING ASS!!?}} Pff, missed m- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Easily enough to fix.}}
*Let him know in advance when you're having a sick day so he won't execute you for dereliction of du- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' NURGLE WORSHIPER!}}
*Have your uplifting primer on your person. Failure to present it on request will result in {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}.
*Bring him [[An Eldar's Ears|a captive Eldar]] {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' XENOS LOVING FILTH!!}} ([[Love Can Bloom|"I'll be happy to take that captive off your hands Commissar, the agents of the Assasinorum are experienced in such matters."]])
*When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step away from the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
*When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step towards the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
*When you are about to do something that can only be described as batshit insane and a Commissar's around suggest it to him, if you survive said suicide mission he'll probably favor you a bit, which probably means that he MIGHT actually think about who's he shooting at.
*If you're the guy at the wheel of a transport, DRIVE HIM CLOSER! HE WANTS TO HIT THE ENEMIES OF THE EMPRAH WITH HIS SWORD!
*Pee on Dead Orks
*Prior to giving him wargear, make sure that you ''haven't'' cleaned it, most Commissars prefer the bloodstained wargear look. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' failure to clean blood off of your weapons or uniform is an offence against the Departmento Munitorum policies!}}
*Make sure you're the only man left in the squad other than the Commissar when retreating, the Commissar rulebook says that if the squad he is attached to only has one man left, he isn't allowed to make his face blow up because he'd end up looking stupid and it's a waste of ammo since there is nobody to inspi {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' The Commissar does what he wants!}}
*If the Commissar looks pissed read (or at least pretend to read) an Imperial Creed book or something, he can't shoot you because you're reading Imperial Creed stu-- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Now you are no longer reading it. Situation resolved.}}
*Bring an RPG or other Big Fucking Gun in case he tries to blam you. Make sure you say "you've been bla- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} (pssst! Make sure you say "You've been BLAMMED!" ''after'' you kill the Commissar and know there aren't more on the battlefield. [[Just As Planned|WHO'S LAUGHING NOW COMMISSARS!?]]){{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}
*If your Commissar has a bolt pistol make sure there that when he starts {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ing that there are 10 people closer to the Commissar then you. That way after he's done blaming the rest of your platoon he might think you 'suitably inspired' so as to not blam you. {{BLAM|'''*CLICK*'''}} See it works! {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' RELOADING IS ONLY A TEMPORARY INCONVENIENCE TO THE AGENTS OF THE IMPERIUM!}}
*Be born on [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|Catachan]] those over dressed foreigners don't have the balls to shoot you. {{BLAM|HERESY!! '''*KABOOM*'''}} "Why no sarge, I have no idea why the Commissar decided to do a patrol, through a mine field, in the dead of night.
*Be a member of the Karauvan Conservators. Vance Motherfucking Stubbs loves his motherfucking men. Also because no Commissar wants to {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} people who can {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} a Living Saint to death with flashlights.
*Instead of ''DYING'', try to acquire the Enemy's head. Minor kudos for a Grunt, some kudos for an NCO Equivalent, and perhaps at least a bit of respect from the Commissar him/herself for an enemy Commander, or said Commander's Lieutenants. Possible points if you shout out: ''"DEATH UNTO THE ENEMIES OF MA-..."'' <strike>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Borderline Khorne-Worship!}}</strike> ('''ALL''' foes of mankind must be cleansed. Punishing such actions is heretical in of itself Commissar.) '''Unblam''' {{BLAM|Re-'''*BLAM*''' RESURRECTING THE DEAD IS SERIOUS HERESY!!}}
'''Inquisitorial Decree:''' Commissars are henceforth forbidden from '''Unblamming'''. The practice of resurrecting the dead is chaos sorcery. Loyal imperial citizens who have been accidentally {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''ed}} can take solace in the fact that their souls will spend eternity basking in the Emperor's divine light.

==Notable Commissars==
*[[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]] (<s>Who?</s>) {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} ([[Derp|The one, who killed a Daemon Prince with 1 hit from a simple Close Combat Weapon, in the era when DP was Eternal Warrior.]])
*[[Commissar Yarrick]] Da orkiest humie eva!!
*Commissar [[Ciaphas Cain]] '''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!!!''' Secretly believes himself to be a coward. The truth of that is up for debate.
*Commissar [[Severina Raine]]: the main character of the short story ''''Execution''' and the novel '''Honor Bound''' by Rachel Harrison, Severina is the rare female Commissar who has managed to get her own (limited-run and therefore overpriced) figure and rules!
*Commissar-General Delane Oktar: Ibram Gaunt's mentor and substitute father-figure. He should have died better.
*[[Commissar Fuklaw]] is tired of putting up with your heretical bullshit.
*[[Commissar Dan]]: A /tg/-created character from the days of yore (along with Fuklaw and the [[Angry Marines]]) that got somewhat canon-ised by Fantasy Flight Games. Likes to order charges from atop his [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisk]] ''Fluffy''. According to FFG, his full name is Daniel Sterne and he met his end while attempting to ram a [[Helbrute]] with ''Fluffy'' when the damn thing came too close.
*[[Commissar Koulick Krieg]] attached to the famed storm trooper regiment known as the Redemption Corps and an agent for the Adeptus Ministorum. Never officially trained as a Commissar, but field promoted from storm trooper on behalf of the Ecclesiarchy to infiltrate the "heretical" regiment that was the free thinking Redemption Corps, eventually turning on his masters and becoming a full part of the Corps instead.
*[[Heretical Love|Commissar Max]] the Lovemachine of Yagis V. (It should be noted that he was actually a guardsman who picked up Commissar regalia and weapons.)
*[[K59|Commissar K59]]
*[[Holt]] {{BLAM|'''*SLAP*''' Commissar Holt!!!}}
*[[Commissar Raege]]
*<strike>[[Kharn|Kharn]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRVcdLPqoHg| The Commissar]</strike> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Major Khorne worship!}}
*[[Colonel Greiss]] Formerly a Commissar; became a conventional officer through necessity.
* [[Commissar Lord Bernn|Commissar LORD Bernn]] (always put LORD in ALL CAPS -bold is optional-, not doing so is Heresy.) Known for making entire armies completely invincible as long as he has people to execute and beating Mega-Daemon Princes, Hive Tyrants, Land Raider Redeemers, Battlewagons, Deranged Khornate Chaos Champions (if you're so far off your rocker that other Khornates think you're crazy, you may be a wee bit nutters), and Eldar wraithlords to death with a power fist. Also notable for being able to one-shot any infantry, from lowly Ork boyz to TERMINATORS with his laspistol. He needs no words to show he's a badass.
*'''Commissar "Colonel" Schaeffer''' He had his arm shot off by a plasma gun '''AND GREW IT BACK''', had his spine rebuilt after being crushed by a tank and made a full recovery, had his eyes replaced after his other ones were destroyed and has survived being thrown into suicide mission after suicide mission for over 300 years '''LIKE A BOSS''', he gets down and dirty and is usually seen in front of his men in the battle rather than behind them. He's still brutal as fuck to deserters though. *why doesn't he have his own pag- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* '''Commissar Jaes "Jellyfish" Quallen'''. Fragile, stuttering, clumsy, prone to disease, about as intimidating as a wet kitten. His enlistment was a cruel wager between two of his rich aunts to see if he would survive. He barely made his commission as Commissar, and he was discarded to the Catachan 217th infantry to get rid of him. And yet he's still alive today. What's more, he leads his men from the very front, utterly fearless when the jagged teeth of Chaos spawn ('''OH GOD NOOOOOOAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!!! GRRAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!''' {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Mercy killing; continue.}}) are inches from his face, humming to himself in the middle of the shitstorm that is every battlefield. Atypical for a Catachan company, his men are quite loyal to him, well-liked for leading by example instead of inspiring fear behind the lines ... although they do tease him off-duty by playing keepaway with his hat.
*'''Commissar Viktor Hark''' - The Commissar for the Tanith First (and Only). Pretty bad ass dude with a cybernetic arm to beat heretics and a plasma pistol to melt faces with. Pretty reasonable for a Commissar, preferring {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} only when it can have the most effect on a units morale, which in some cases means {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ming the guy in charge.
*'''Commissar Flint''' was abruptly reassigned to the reconstituted 77th Vostroyan Firstborn Dragoons, whose first mission was to quell a bloody rebel uprising at a penal facility on Furia Penitens. Leading a picked team of escaped convicts and Firstborn, Flint infiltrated the vast creepy facility, wrecking Stalkers, slaying giant mutants with his power sword and slaughtering literal rebel scum by the dozens, all while keeping his execution-count impressively low and displaying many feats of epic badassery. Not bad for a Commissar who gets his own book who isn't Gaunt or Cain.
*'''Commissar Fenstrum Holt''': A supporting character in the ongoing '''Eagle Ordinary''' [http://www.eagleordinary.com/chapters/77723/planetfall/]webcomic. NOT to be confused with (though he constantly is, even by his own junior, Commissar Talon Gunner) that ''other'' Holt *SLAP* [[Commissar Holt]]. '''This''' Holt is an elderly badass with a creepy bionic eye who manages to beat up trigger-happy aristocratic officers despite being only 5'6. Although introduced in the comic's first page engaging in the Commissariat's trademark pastime {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*-ming'''}} Guardsmen, his character is so well-written and drawn he might just be the fan favorite. Might just be the only adult in the whole comic as well.
*'''Commissar Daridh Ahl Karif''' : Commissar of the Fifth Company, 68th Vostroyan Regiment, one of the main character in the ''Rebel Winter'' novel. One of the few Reasonable Commissars in 40k. An unnaturally caring, nice, level-headed Commissar but also sternly ruthless when the situation demands it. Got posted down to a company-level commission in a pretty much worthless campaign for rejecting a Lord General's son homosexual love (no, seriously), leading to the rejected dude committing suicide. Currently serves as part of an Inquisitorial retinue.
*'''Commissar Vaynom Blenner''' - A Commissar attached to the Tanith First (and Only). Basically the shit drug addict version of Ciaphas Cain.

==Commissar Mortality==
Commissars, at least those attached to an Imperial guard regiment, do not exactly have a high life expectancy. Next to the many horrible fates that await your average "balls of steel" Guardsman in the [[grimdark]] WH40K universe, the Commissars have some additional aggravating factors leading to a quick demise.

Some reasons:
* A Commissar's uniform is very different from those he is working with, add to that he is shouting things at people and possibly {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming them, probably without fire being returned at him, and is probably carrying different weapons than those around him. It doesn't take a genius to figure out he is an obvious High-Value Target which any sniper worth the name would take note of.
* Aforementioned uniform offers little to no head protection, head protection is for cowards and cowards get {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med. (However, a Commissar's lack of headgear can get him {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med by the enemy).(subverted for death korps as they have helmets under their hats)
* {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming cowards, and especially {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming non-cowards, often has a side effect of *accidentally* getting shot, repeatedly, sometimes even far from the front lines. This fate is particularly common for those attached to [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|Catachan]] units.
* Even when not getting *accidentally* shot/dropped in a pit/run over/... by his own troops, few Guardsmen will risk their lives to save a Commissar should he get into trouble with the enemy.
* Some Commissars both lead by example and expect their men to perform acts of suicidal courage, resulting in performing collective suicide in the name of the Emprah.
* Lots of Commissars like big flashy bolt pistols. Bolt pistols, [[Dakka|being roight flashy bitz of dakka]], naturally attract orks like sugar water attracts flies, and unlike laspistols eventually run out of bolts.
* According to their most recent models some unusually ballsy Commissars carry plasma pistols, and as such possess a statistical lifespan of six shots at maximum. {{BLAM|'''*ZAP*''' Simply re-roll the ones with the cadia doctrine. anyone who doesn't spend cp to reroll said ones is a filty heretic!}}

It should be noted that regimental standards vary: 
- Kriegers will leave a Commissar a wreck because they have to keep convincing the men that while it's laudable to die for the Emperor you have to do so while trying to kill His enemies. It's like herding sheep: if you keep your eye off of one for too long it'll be gone. Except this sheep wears a gas mask, digs a trench, bombards the enemy with mortar fire, then goes over the top and gets gunned down without achieving anything. Oh, and there's millions more like it. 
- Serving with the Tallarn regiments that there will be sand EVERYWHERE. There's so much fucking sand everywhere. I mean, how did it even get there? Not to mention that you'll want to wear one of their turbans to protect your head against the heat, but you can't wear your cap alongside one of those things. And many a Commissar has suffered from dehydration following being told exactly what most of the regiment's water is distilled from. 
- The Mordians employ the strictest of discipline and expect a Commissar to lead by example. When they inevitably mess up the Commissar is subjected to physical disciplinary actions, up to and including being flogged or even executed by the platoon. 
- The Vostroyans are ABSOLUTE MADMEN and expect the Commissar to lead by examples of balls-out insanity and win the day, but they have trouble following the orders of a man who has no imposing facial hair. If a Commissar's lucky he'll be approached by one of the regiment's senior female officers who offers him one of her glue-on mustaches to spare him the indignity. 
- Scintillans show utter disdain for the Commissar because of his poor breeding and low social standing (word has it the Commissar is an orphan, for the Emperor's sake!) and will have their authority undermined by even the lowest of privates and when trouble arises a senior officer steps in and takes the offending soldier away, but punishment following this is rare. 
- Praetorians are fine enough soldiers, but their culture is very strange and requires unusual degrees of politeness from both officers and the rank-and-file. Not following these labyrinthian rules will be sternly frowned upon. And their officers will never, ever duck even when taking direct fire. 
- Drookians openly hate the Commissar's guts for being an outsider and a nancy for wearing pants instead of a kilt, but a clever Commissar will figure out that if he manages to convince the platoon that the enemy has slighted the Drookians' clan honor all he needs to do is step aside and watch the men fuck the enemy up. 
- Brontians solve most of their internal struggles with knife fights, and the unfortunate Commissar who steps in to try and stop such a duel will quickly catch one, two, three or thirteen knives to the chest. The Brontians don't like them anyway due to their lack of scars. 
- Attilans laugh their asses of when the Commissar tries to ride a horse and keep falling off, and the platoon just rides ahead of him leaving the unfortunate Commissar in the dust. 
- The Steel Legions are almost entirely mechanized, so a Commissar has to hang out with the same squad all the time. And he better be able to keep up when redeploying: miss the Chimera and it ain't coming back for you. Plus, nobody respects you because you're not Yarrick. 
- With the Valhallans you constantly have to convince the commanders that yes, while it would result in a technical victory if you sacrifice a million men for that small amount of ground, it'd be better to have them attack in a different way to win slower but with fewer losses. And they'll hate you for this. 
- The Chem Dogs will hate the Commissar because people like him put them there, and will try to rob him blind without being found out. 
- Elysian, Harakoni and Phantine Skyborne regiments have a high Commissar mortality rate because they're not very well trained in the use of grav-chutes. And with those things, you'll make a mistake only once. Drop regiments in general have high mortality, so successfully landing is not much of an achievement either. 
- With the Phantine Air Corps it's hard to say. On the one hand they are a guard regiment and not a navy unit, so Commissars come standard. What they do is trickier to say since they can't fly and even on bombers it's hard to justify attaching a spare person just to shoot one of the valuable air crew if they start to turn around, which if our own history of strategic bombing holds true, does not really happen, plus it would be a stupid waste to get a bomber formation shot down because unlike the men they are actually worth something to the Munitorum. Commissars therefore likely just sit around not doing much other then paper work and watching the pilots like a hawk when ever they are on the ground, thus proving that even in the 41st millennium the chair force meme still exists. {{BLAM|Then we shall destroy cowardly aircraft! '''*Fwoosh*'''}} 
- Kanak Skull Takers will hate the Commissar because he prevents them from taking skulls, and they do so anyway. If he becomes forceful about it they'll take a skull with a fancy hat. 
- Naval Commissars are the first targets when a mutiny occurs/the ship gets boarded. Otherwise, you aren't likely to survive a voidship becoming combat ineffective if not straight up losing life support/about half the bulkheads/the reactor/the engines/the magazine and Emperor forbid the Warp Drive or the Gellar Field Generator.

==Quotes==

* "Fear me...'''''but follow!'''''"
* "You can give the Emperor your loyalty, or I can take it from your corpse."
* "You DARE shoot at me?...{{BLAM|'''AT ME?!'''}}
* "What I cannot crush with words, I shall crush with the tanks of the Imperial Guard."
* "Fear ensures loyalty! Where do you need me?"
* "Trooper, the enemy ''may'' kill you, but if you try to run I '''will''' kill you!"
* {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*"It is our duty to muster the Guardsmen's courage and loyalty under fire and it is our duty to - '''GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!'''"{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*"WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO DIE?! 'CAUSE I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T!"
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrrCY7dgaqs Drive me closer, I want to hit them with my sword!]
* "Follow my example or I will MAKE YOU ONE!"
* A compilation of some -if not all- of DowII Commissar quotes can be found: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isLz_8ppLig here].
* <s>Heil Hitler!</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!!!'''}} Heil Emperor!
** Wouldn't it be "Heil der Gott-Kaiser"? {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!!!''' It is "Heil dem Gott-Imperator!" Good job on the hyphen, though.}}
*** Also wasn't the Emperor Hitler back in the 1930s? {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
**** The Corp...errr...'''The God-Emperor''' was never Hitler! Hitler had social skills!{{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Nice try heretic.}}
*****{{BLAM|'''*KA-BOOM*''' Talking about Hitler is heresy! He was a piece of shit!}}

* "If you will not serve in combat, ''then you will serve '''on the firing line!'''''" {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* "SHUT UP ZATHRAS"
*"GLORY TO THE FIRST MAN TO DIE!"
*"DO NOT FAIL UPON MY RETURN!"
==TLDR==
How many Guardsmen were Executed writing this article?

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Severina-Raine.jpg|Isn't she a beauty? Canon too!
Image:Commisarmoti.jpg|The real reason why Guardsmen do not revolt en masse.
Image:Closer.jpg|Commissars never let practicality get in the way of their awesomeness.
Image:Commissar Surfing.jpg|Again, practicality is never a hindrance.
Image:Comissar_Promotions.jpg|Imperial Guard Promotion policy, you either get promoted or {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med, no exceptions.
Image:1230024061774.png|Reasonable Commissars know that summary execution is not always needed to motivate anyone.
Image:Thenewcommissar.jpg|[[Kharn]] during his traitor Commissar days with the Red Rivers traitor guardsmen.
Image:Romantic_Commissar.jpg|Commissars can be romantic. It's just that they are too busy {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming Guardsmen.
Image:Penguin_Commisar.jpg|Do not underestimate the Commissar under any circumstances, no matter how cute he may be.
Image:Komissar_by_kriegsmachine14.jpg|Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face...
Image:Commissarpoke.jpg|Don't let this one's slow demeanor make you too confident.
Image:1207335821953.jpg|[[Commissar Dan]] on the blaze of glory run
Image:Commissar-Fuck_Yeah.jpg|Imperial Guard, FUCK YEAH!
Image:Commissar_Badass.jpg|[[Ciaphas Cain|HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!]]
Image:Fixedhat2.jpg|The Commissar is here to ensure your loyalty.
Image:CommissarCos.jpg|{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
Image:Commissar Hansen.jpg|Guardian of all Imperial [[loli|lolis]].
Image:Emote-commissar.gif
</gallery></center>
{{Promotions}}
<center><gallery>
Image:Comissar-by-Chink-1.jpg|Chink loev Commissar
Image:Comissar-by-Chink-2.jpg|[[Rule 63]] spares no one.
Image:Yarrick_by_Chink_1.jpg|[[Commissar Yarrick]] by Chink
Image:Yarrick_by_Chink_2.jpg
Image:Feb.jpg|Commissar from the ill-fated /tg/ calendar project
Image:Atra concept.jpg|Much Sexier Version
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|One of these is not like the others.
Image:1226746378911.jpg|Squad morale restored.
Image:powerfists_commissar.jpg|[https://wargameexclusive.com/shop/imperial-soldiers/imperial-female-commissar-with-fists-of-power-pin-up/ If you're wondering how she's "coping" with those things, don't ask us, for we have as good an idea as you do.]
</gallery></center>

==Navigation==
{{Template:Imperial-Guard}}
{{Militarum-Tempestus}}
{{Template:Squats}}

[[Category:Commissars]]

Eldrad

2020-09-19T11:44:48Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039:

{{cleanup}}
{{awesome}}
{{Heresy}}
[[Image:450px-EldradThroneworld.jpg|thumb|right|350px|Helmetless Eldrad, looking suspiciously like Mon'Keigh actor Hugo Weaving. What are the odds? 5 to 1 that GW gets sued again in the near future.]]
'''Eldrad Ulthran''' is renowned as the most powerful and far-sighted [[psyker]] of the [[Eldar]] race, and '''was''' the Chief [[Farseer]] of [[Craftworld]] [[Craftworld Ulthwé|Ulthwé]]. He is awfully fond of engaging in overly elaborate plots to tweak the balance of fate, presumably to preserve the Eldar as a species. Also, he engages in only the highest forms of [[dick]]ishness, as the accounts from one of his retinue warlocks attest. Possibly father to Farseers [[Taldeer]] and [[Macha]]. [[Love Can Bloom]] is ambiguous on the matter, but current [[/tg/]] canon operates on the assumption that he is. Basically Spock's dad Sarek from Star Trek.

Some time ago, [[Abaddon the Despoiler]] led an assault on Craftworld Ulthwé, to attack the Eldar Farseer Council there. After slowly slogging through the nearly deserted Craftworld while his [[Black Legion]] suffered massive casualties as the Eldar forces still present, picked them off in hit and run attacks, Abaddon finally got to the council's Dome but found Eldrad waiting for him. Eldrad quickly made a mockery of Abaddon's combat skill; he dodged Abaddon's strikes with the daemon sword [[Drach'nyen]] and the [[Talon of Horus]] with ease. In just two strikes, Eldrad cleaved through Abaddon's Terminator armor with virtually no effort and separated him from his arms (hah, I see what you did there). The Eldar then stuffed the remainder of the attack force into a [[Dreadclaw]] with "Failbaddon the Armless Failboat" as well as other demeaning terms and images painted all over it and launched it back into the [[Eye of Terror]] while laughing hysterically. And that is why Abaddon has no arms.

As of the 13th Black Crusade, Eldrad is getting more active. After stealing the crystallized bodies of Farseers from every Craftworld, he attempted to prematurely summon [[Ynnead]], the yet-to-be-born Eldar god of Death who would save them from [[Slaanesh]] before every single Eldar dies, which was when it was supposed to be born. [[Battle of Coheria|Just before the events that would lead into the events of 8th edition]] the [[Deathwatch]] intervened in the Battle of Port Demesnus, that had been orchestrated by Eldrad to distract everyone whilst he performed a great ritual upon a moon made of psychic crystal. [[Not As Planned|When the Deathwatch discovered what was going on]] they immediately made all haste to Eldrads location. Eldrad attempted to reason with the Marines, explaining that what he was doing would strike a devastating blow against the true enemy. The Marines, of course, refused to listen and promptly fucked the whole thing up (marking one of many times ''he himself was out-[[dick]]ed'' by Space Marines) whilst claiming that they would rather see the universe burn than trust Xeno scum. Said summoning ritual required the bodies of ''every'' Crystal Seer, and when the Ulthwe's Seer Council learned of it along with how he crystallized a couple more seers bringing the [[Ynnari]] to Ulthwe, only the intervention of the [[Harlequin]]s saved him from being executed on the spot. Instead, he was then was exiled from the Craftworld on pain of death if he returned. [[troll|Which he did to help them against Tzeentch's minions anyway!]]

Currently, a member of the Ynnari, although he travels separately from the main group, joining their quest to bring forth Ynnead in its full power with the Croneswords. He is one of the Eldar that guided the [[Black Crusade|survivors]] of [[Cadia]] on [[Kalisus]] to [[Macragge]] to resurrect [[Roboute Guilliman]]. In this way, the fates of two most prominent dicks in the galaxy intwined.

He used to be presumed dead, eaten by Slaanesh during the [[13th Black Crusade]]. [[Meme|He got better]] in 6th edition.

==History==

:''As every loyal member of the Imperium should already know, Eldrad’s life is basically one failure after another with very few and potentially accidental successes in-between. The Emperor is of course infallible and infinitely benevolent in all things; if only this foul abomination had just trusted the guy with tens of millennia more experience, knowledge and god-like wisdom. The Emperor would have of course welcomed him with open arms, so as to guide him and avoid his many, many mistakes. If only Eldrad had realized his natural state of subservience to humanity the grimdark wouldn’t have happened and the grateful Imperium would have of course been good to the Eldar due to Eldrad’s presence, securing a wonderful future for both species.'' - Imperial[[Blam| <s>Propaganda</s>]] Truth.

===Early Life===
{{topquote|No threat! The Emperor and the Farseer are known to each other. Though they long diverged from friendship, they are not yet opposed.|Lhaerial Rey- Shadowseer of the Ceaseless Song}}

The only thing known of Eldrad's life, before becoming trapped on the path of the Seer, was that he used to be a musician, and he apparently still has quite an ear for that kind of stuff. Although he is most well-known as the High Farseer of Ulthwe, he did not begin that way, and his time on the Seer Council of Ulthwe was a surprisingly volatile one. Eldrad was the one responsible for much of what the Path of the Seer would become (Runes and all). Eldrad would be introduced to the idea of the Path system by [[Asurmen]] and would apply these ideas to reform the Witch path into what we know it is today (the original seers were more like ancient soothsayers and mystics).
*There was also a subtle hint in "The Throne World" that claimed that at some time in the past both Eldrad and the Emperor had been "friends". What form or how this friendship came about is unknown, but it is clear that by the time of the Heresy something *cough* '''Molech''' *cough* had brought their friendship to an end, even if their shared goals to fuck over Chaos still aligned, hence why Eldrad took steps to ensure that Vulkan could return to Terra as well as fucking up the Cabal's plans to get Horus to win.

Whilst he served on the [[Seer Council]], but before actually becoming its High Farseer, there was a bizarre tendency for all of Eldrad's superiors to be conveniently (by fate or design, you decide) killed on missions, often just as a [[Phoenix Lord]] arrived. This occurred twice in the days before the Great Crusade, first when Eldrad and an older female Farseer journeyed with [[Asurmen]] to try to find a legendary Exodite Oracle. Said Oracle, believed to have been the first Eldar to ever foresee the Fall, turned out to be a Keeper of Secrets in disguise and, in the ensuing fight, killed Eldrad's superior. This pattern was repeated when Jain Zar visited the Craftworld, advising it against attacking a nascent Ork Waaagh, which the Crafworld's, at the time, most senior Farseer agreed with. Eldrad, however, wanted to attack and destroy said Waaagh (Mainly because Jain Zar's plan was to make sure this Ork Waaagh ended up destroying Ulthwe, so as to prevent an even bigger disaster later on; Eldrad disagreed), convincing the Craftworld to follow him and rousing the [[Avatar of Khaine]]. Despite all this the attack was a total failure, with the High Farseer dying, the Avatar of Khaine being destroyed (in one of its earliest defeats) and Eldrad himself almost being killed. Discovering that the presence of the Phoenix Lord was what was reshaping the strands of fate to bring about Ulthwe's destruction, Eldrad moved to sacrifice himself to prevent it. He gave Jain Zar an ultimatum, she could continue on her chosen path and see him dead, or she could choose to trust in the path he would forge for the Eldar. In the end, it was only because Jain Zar changed her mind and decided to believe in Eldrad that she moved to intervene. In the aftermath, though, despite his colossal cock-up (the first of a career of failures; to be fair the plan was working until the mere presence of Jain Zar started twisting fate to suit her goals; Phoenix Lords are fucking freaky like that), Eldrad's arrogance continued to rub Jain Zar the wrong way, and he refused to allow the former High Farseer's Spirit Stone into the [[Infinity Circuit]], deciding he could make better use of it personally (which probably means it just got chucked into his big collection of tokens).

*In a strange case of "Just as planned" this apparent failure, actually turns out to be a complete success. Despite the lives lost, Eldrads actions ultimately destroyed two Ork Waaagh's, whilst also preventing the inter-Craftworld wars that would have brought about a far greater loss of life. What at first glance looked like an utter failure not only saved countless Eldar and non-Eldar lives but also reserved him a seat at the big table for the Rhana Dandra. Which only goes to prove that in order to be the hero sometimes you have to be a dick. Or have Jain Zar bail you out.

Were these simple coincidences or Eldrad's way of conniving his way to the top by ensuring his superiors all met with tragic fates? The answer to that probably depends on how much of a dick, and how competent, you think Eldrad is, although it is true that one skill he certainly has is getting other Eldar killed, in many ways Eldrad is the most successful murderer of Eldar since Slaanesh. But then again, he is a dick.

*In his defence, to make an omelette you gotta break some eggs (as the Mon'Keigh saying goes) and while Eldrad's bodycount is frighteningly high, most of his actions have prevented even greater loss of Eldar lives further down the path even as they guaranteed the deaths of many. Farseeing and reading the future isn't an exact science nor does it guarantee there is a bloodless path/one can be found out of every situation, assuming the one attempting the reading interprets the vision correctly. Even Big.E cannot discern the future with perfect clarity despite being vastly more powerful and experienced than Eldrad (or any other psyker). He still is a dick though, double so considering his actions tend to come at even higher cost to the 'lesser' races as they do to his own.

===Horus Heresy and later===

After ascending to the position of High Farseer Eldrad would try to interfere in the course of the Horus Heresy a few times, rarely to much success. First he attempted to warn [[Fulgrim]] of [[Horus]]' corruption but failed, costing the life of one of Ulthwe's greatest Wraithlords and his friend, and also seeing the Avatar of Khaine slain, yet again, on his watch when Fulgrim [[Wat|throttled]] it (one assumes that Ulthwe's Seer Council has become a bit suspect about letting Eldrad use the Avatar since he seems to always come back with it broken). After this, he became pretty unpopular with both Ulthwe and the Cabal alligned part of the Eldar race, and decided to go solo to get things done. He aided John Grammaticus and Vulkan, making clear also that he opposed the plan of the [[Cabal]]. Said opposition went so far he even killed the entire Cabal eventually. Apparently, according to him, at some point he and Vulkan did something together (with Eldrad disguising himself as an old man representing Mount Deathfire to guide Vulkan towards Terra) which resulted in Vulkan giving him a Salamander's tooth, probably to join the huge collection of knick-knacks Eldrad has along with the former High Farseer's Spiritstone.

Following the Heresy Eldrad next interfered in the affairs of the Galaxy when he and the Seers of Ulthwe allowed a group of Harlequins to infiltrate the Imperial Palace during the height of the [[War of the Beast]]. It is not exactly clear what he hoped to gain from this, as the [[Harlequin]]s butchered the palace's mortal guards as a greeting and even managed to kill a good number of Custodians before they themselves were methodically cut down until only the Shadowseer remained, prostrate and wounded before the Eternity gate with a load of understandably pissed off Custodians. Her only message was to say that Chaos was the real threat and not to get distracted, whilst Orks were literally moments away from destroying Terra itself, so its not clear how any of this really helped anyone. Maybe he really wanted those Harlequins dead and this was... somehow... the best way to do it. Or the more plausible theory; Eldrad is just really bad at getting things done.
*This said, even as the Harlequins danced through the Imperial palace Eldrad and the Ulthwe Seer Council did help out the defenders of Terra by calming a path through the Warp allowing the combined Imperial Fists successor fleet to reach Terra and help defeat the Ork forces.
*These events would also directly influence the two organisations who would go on to create the [[Ordo Malleus]], whose responsibility it is to investigate and destroy the physical manifestations of Chaos throughout the Imperium, and the [[Ordo Xenos]], that investigates and eliminates alien influence and plots against the Imperium (you can probably guess which one was more prepared to listen). Members of the [[Ordo Malleus]] and the [[Ordo Xenos]] have been known to "fraternize" with the Eldar, and along with members of the [[Illuminati]] (who are frequently involved on some level with the Eldar, in particular, the Harlequins. And just so happen to have members placed throughout all levels of the Imperium) have been allowed access to the Black Library. Eldrad's actions not only created two of the main Ordos of the [[Inquisition]] but may have allowed Eldar affiliated humans to infiltrate to the very heart of the Imperium itself (take that [[Tzeentch]], let's see you top that "[[just as planned]]" plot twist).

Since then Eldrad has been involved in a few events; he saved Saim-Hann from a Hrud infestation, tried to forewarn Iyanden of the invasion of the [[Hive Fleet Kraken|Tyranids]], defeated the Ork Warboss [[Nazdreg Ug Urdgrub]] and also took part in the battle of Blood and Tears. He seemed particularly invested in the small Craftworld of [[Idharae]], engineering the entire 2nd War of Armageddon to save said Craftworld, although it amounted to nothing in the end as the Invaders Space Marine Chapter simply destroyed Idharae instead. So much for that.

Indeed Eldrad has a poor reputation when facing off against Space Marines (but that's true of everyone), beginning with his battle against Fulgrim. On Maedrax the Ulthwe forces under his direction were mauled by a single Blood Angels Battle Barge and failed in their mission to stop an awakening Necron Dynasty. In fact, if you were to believe the mountain of Space Marine bolter porn that gets released by GW, you might come to believe that Eldrad (and everyone else for that matter) has, in over ten thousand years, never won a single battle against any Space Marines. This of course is not true as his humiliation of Abaddon in single combat will attest (but then again he is also a memetastic failure himself, so maybe it cancels it out). He has had more luck when working with Space Marines, such as when he interfered to save Blood Angels Chief Librarian Mephiston.

===Gathering Storm===

In many ways it was Eldrad, along with Abaddon, who started the whole set of events which have lead to the changes beginning in the Gathering Storm. Showcasing his extreme level of dickishness Eldrad stole Crystal Seers (remains of past Seers, which ''obviously'' contain a lot of psychic fuel to awaken a god) from every single Craftworld and endangered the entire Eldar species in an abortive attempt to awaken [[Ynnead]] which failed when [[Deathwatch]] Captain Artemis intervened and defeated him and his Harlequin associates. Whilst Eldrad's full attention was focused on maintaining the energy required to birth a god, he took a dreadnought's plasma cannon to the face. Subconsciously diverting a tiny amount of energy to protect himself proved to be enough to cause the ritual to collapse, and the moon to explode. Ynnead awakened, but only at [[Yncarne|a fraction of its full power]], choosing [[Yvraine]] as its first servant, and beginning the entire Fracture of Biel-tan storyline.

Since his act of incredible treason caused the Craftworld to declare that Eldrad had interfered with fate one time too many, Eldrad has been involved in aiding the Ynnari. He has also been removed from the Seer Council of Ulthwe as a part of his exile, instead now moving with a small roving group of followers, interfering where he sees fit and playing his role in the alliance (that he himself proposed) by aiding the besieged Imperial forces all across the galaxy, and by taking up missions from the Primarch [[Roboute Guilliman]] when requested. His dedication to helping out his new allies in the Imperium goes so far that he even directly defies his peers in the Black Library to rather do as Roboute wishes. He did return to aid his home when it was invaded by [[Kairos Fateweaver]] though, assisting them in banishing an attempt by Daemons of Tzeentch to attack the Craftworld.

==Explanation==
Where did Eldrad’s reputation for being such a dick come from?

He gives candy to young races.

And that candy will contain a slow-spreading gingivitis bacteria that will fester in the new race and slowly spread amongst their entire species. The gum pain will be considered a normal part of everyday life, and they will regularly take painkillers.

When the [[Tyranid|’Nids]] invade them in 3000 years, they too will be infected by the gingivitis disease—but they are mindless beasts, who know nothing of painkillers. Living in constant pain, only worsened by eating, this massive hive of ’Nids will starve and become extinct, a result of their own adaptation abilities.

And of course, Craftworld Ulthwé would have been the next target for that particular hive to eat. [[Just as planned|Just. As. Planned.]]

And that is why Eldrad is a dick. [[Asdrubael Vect|There is only one mortal being in 40k who is a bigger dick than Eldrad]].

Because unlike the failures the Eldar represent, Human Epitomes of dickery are either [[Emperor| rotting deities]] [[Perturabo|or]] [[Fulgrim|various]] [[Mortarion|assortment]] [[Sindri|of]] [[Kyras|daemons]].

Many [[Tales of Eldrad Ulthuan, the Dick]].

==Current Activities ==
As of 8th edition, and his exile, Eldrad is pulling old strings while fighting alongside the Ynnari and their new allies. His devotion to this new great alliance of Elves and Men--I mean Eldar and Imperium has seen him going so far as to oppose the White Seers, the leaders of the Black Library itself, in favour of doing what was requested by Roboute, doing so without any of the usual Eldar trickery (by the gods, the sheer amount of dickishness that he must be holding back is mind-boggling- one can only assume that his exile taught him a painful lesson in humility) and openly admitting to the Primarch that the Imperium and the Eldar need each other to survive. Existing much like a Corsair fleet, Eldrad and his renegades now travel the galaxy, regularly offering sage wisdom or aid to those who fight against the overwhelming forces of Chaos, or occasionally getting into the fray himself like during the War in the Labyrinth. Despite his exile when Daemonic forces invade the defenseless Ulthwé due to Ulthwe sending its entire force to every corner of the galaxy in order to fight Chaos, Eldrad returned and kicked some major Chaos arse.

He also turns out to be a bit of a hoarder, with whole towers stuffed with all manner of strange knick-knacks and other totally pointless items gifted to him over his long life, that he was apparently too polite to refuse but too lazy to dispose of (what a dick). Or in a kinder way maybe he feels it would be disrespectful.

Yvraine has taken to making fun of him because of his old age. I tell you, these youngsters today, have absolutely no respect for their “Eldars”.

Most concerningly, he seems to believe that something worse than Chaos, something older, is on it's way...

==Phoenix lord of the Witch Path==
Could Eldrad possibly become the Phoenix Lord of the Witch Path? He certainly has lived far longer than is natural for even the most long-lived Eldar, and it was his introduction with Asurmen and the ideas of the Path system that caused him to reform the Witch Path into the highly controlled and focused Path that it is. Even Jain Zar, who had less than friendly interactions with Eldrad, claimed that she knew when she was in the presence of another "Immortal". Of course, seeing as Eldrad is still on his first life there is no telling if this is true or not, but given that his previously retconned death had him splitting his soul into multiple soul stones (in a similar way to a horcrux) and that several were still active, even after his supposed "death" may indicate that GW may have planned on resurrecting him eventually if they had chosen to continue that storyline.

==What is his ultimate plan (or how to make the biggest dick in 40k even more of a dick)==
The Eldar as a whole have many ambitious plans in the works for dealing with Chaos, each as desperate and dangerous as the last, but what is Eldrad's grand plan, and why is he so interested in keeping humanity alive?

It could be that he ultimately wants Eldar and humanity to join hands and sing kumbaya, as we skip merrily into the sunset, but what's the fun in that.

First of all a warning, there will be spoilers below.

During the Horus Heresy Eldrad disagreed with the Cabal (of which he was a former member) regarding what should be done, and actively sought to keep humanity from being annihilated; believing that there was actually a third option. But why?

Now this is were it gets interesting; the Emperor upon the destruction of his great work, possessed Vulkan's, at the time, dead body to forge his ultimate "fuck you" button. It was a talisman that could create flames that can permanently kill daemons. Eldrad made great efforts to make sure Vulkan made it back to terra with this weapon, were it was then permanently fused with the Golden Throne. If the Throne fails or the Emperor slain, then the device will feed upon the power stored within the Golden Throne, and Terra will burn. Any daemon's nearby will be perma killed, and seeing as they are all extensions of the Gods themselves, this is going to seriously hurt. On top of that if the Gate is open, these flames will potentially flow into the Warp, were they may even reach the Gods themselves.

It is unlikely that this explosion will be able to kill the Gods, but it will likely weaken them seriously. It goes without saying that the more powerful the explosion, the more damage it will do. So how do you make the explosion more powerful? Easy you add more fuel to feed it.

For 10,000 years humanity has been feeding the Throne and the Emperor. Was Eldrad's plan all along, to keep humanity around so they could ultimately fuel this terrifying warp doomsday device in order to strike a devastating blow against the Gods themselves, a blow that they would never recover from.

*This would also go a long way to explain why he sent Harlequins to breach the Imperial Palace during "The Throne World". As long as Terra was properly defended, then Chaos, or some other enemy would stand no chance of actually reaching the Golden Throne; you don't want your secret doomsday device being deactivated, or worse, set off prematurely, before it is powerful enough to do what it needed to do. The Imperium had grown lazy and lethargic during a brief time of peace, and had let the defences around the Throne slip. The Imperium was never going to listen to the warnings of xeno scum, so the only way to get their attention was to show them.

*It should be pointed out that this does not mean humanity itself is destroyed as the majority of humanity would be nowhere near the explosion. In fact with the weakening of the Chaos Gods it might actually serve to save humanity as a whole, alongside the Eldar.

When you add this too:
*The Phoenix Lords running around, getting everything setup and ready for the Rhana Dandra, whilst at the same time holding it back for as long as possible.
*Cegorach and his great jest, to trick Slaanesh into saving the Eldar.
*The birth of Ynnnead and a new way to protect Eldar souls from the creatures of the Warp.
*The possibility of a small reformed pantheon, to counter balance the Dark Powers.

You get the distinct impression that the Eldar have no intention of pulling their punches, and are fully intending to fuck Chaos up big time. Even if their time is up, if they're going down, they're taking Chaos with them. Out of all the factions (despite their many splinter groups not always seeing eye too eye) in 40k they seem to be the only ones who actually know what the bloody hell they're doing, and actually have a plan for the Endgame unlike the Imperium which is just running around and putting out the fires that have been raging since Horus fucked it all up and the Tau who are sitting in a circle holding hands and singing John Lennon's Imagine.

==This Dick On the Tabletop==

Eldrad is probably THE mainstay special character for Eldar armies. As we all know, the dude is rivaled as a (non-[[Magnus the Red|cheese]]) psychic powerhouse only by [[Ahzek Ahriman]]: he's got Mastery Level 4, meaning that if you go for Psychic Focus and roll on a single table, you've got access to every power on there except for one (something his Tzeentchian peer can only do with the Tzeentch discipline since he has to generate at least one power from it). He knows [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Psychic 101#Daemonology|Sanctic Daemonology]], [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Psychic 101#Telepathy|Telepathy]], [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Psychic 101#Divination|Divination]], and, of course, [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Eldar(7E)#Runes of Fate|Runes of Fate]]. Whereas Ahriman is all about the volume when it comes to mind bullets, Eldrad is all about stability and reliability. He has the usual Farseer toys: Runes of the Farseer, which allows him to re-roll once per turn any number of dice on a psychic test or a Deny the Witch test, and a Ghosthelm, which allows him to spend a warp charge to nullify a wound caused by Perils of the Warp. So like any Farseer, he's already much less likely than other psykers to get turned inside out by daemons or to have his powers fizzle out, even when casting big WC3 stuff. Furthermore, his staff gives him a 33% chance to generate an extra warp charge every time he successfully casts a power; so not only does he have those 4-5 powers, but he's usually got the charges to use all of them.

Besides his psychic prowess, Eldrad also has some nifty wargear. Armour of the Last Runes gives him a 3++ Invulnerable save, which, coupled with his T4, allows him to take more punishment than the average Farseer, though his resilience still isn't anything to write home to Craftworld Ulthwé about. He's got a shuriken pistol (always good to have a Bladestorm weapon handy, and it's an extra close combat attack), a witchblade (Fleshbane! Always wounds on 2+), and let's not forget his all-important psyker disco stick, the Staff of Ulthamar, which is S-User (which doesn't really matter), AP3 AND has Fleshbane and Force. Anything he hits with it gets wounded on 2+, probably doesn't get an armor save, and dies instantly if you activate Force. Enough said. Oh, and his special rules are Fleet, Ancient Doom, Independent Character, Battle Focus, and Psyker. Naturally, his Warlord Trait is An Eye on Distant Events—because, you see, Eldrad is a dick.

8th Edition kept a lot of the details more or less the same; his melee weapons still wound on a +2, he's still T4 with a 3++ Invuln save and he's still a dick. He can learn three Runes of Fate as opposed to the generic Farseers' two and may cast three of those powers(or Smite) in the same turn. He also gets slightly better at casting after his first successful power for the turn, so there's that. If he's taken as your Warlord he gets Ulthwé's unique Fate Reader trait, which gives you a Command Point at the beginning of your turn if you roll a 6. Could be better, but he's still a ''very'' good character even if you choose have someone else lead your army.

== Gallery ==

<gallery>
Image:What'sthisinmyhand.jpg|He's a dick
Image:Eldrad shows abbadon who the boss of this gym is.jpg|He beat the shit out of [[Abaddon]] in close combat despite knowing full well what kind of reputation he had. What a dick.
Image:EldradCandy.jpg|Shas'la should always call for their nearest Shas'o if approached by a strange dick.
Image:Eldrad by astarsis86.jpg|He's a cheeky dick waffle.
</gallery>

[[Category: Warhammer 40,000]]

[[Category: Stories/Warhammer 40,000]]

[[Category: Xenos]]

[[Category: Eldar]]

[[Category: Craftworld Eldar]]

[[Category: Ynnari]]

{{Eldar-Characters}}

{{Ynnari-Characters}}

Arkhan Land

2020-09-19T11:28:12Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: /* Arkhan Land's discoveries and later work */

[[Arkhan Land]] was one of the most important [[techpriest|techpriests]] the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] have ever had in their ranks. Considered a genius (if quite eccentric man even by the AdMech's standards) by every other member of the [[Machine Cult]], he is responsible for some of the greatest technological advances during the time of the [[Great Crusade]]. How big is his contribution to the Imperium, exactly? Every vehicle the Imperium uses with the word "land" on them directly comes from his work. That's right, it's not because machines like the [[Land Raider]], the [[Land Crawler]] or the [[Land Speeder]] (and its many later [[Spartan Assault Tank|derivates]]) are vehicles that work on land, it's because they were named in his honour. Why they weren't named Arkhan is a mystery in universe, but out of universe it's probably to avoid association with the [[Arkhan the Black|second spookiest skeleton in Warhammer Fantasy.]] We should probably be so thankful that none of the schematics he discovered would be used for planes or spacecraft...
==Early life and the expedition to the Librarius Omnis==
Even during his early years, Arkhan Land was considered a brilliant individual. Fluent in many tech-languages before his childhood had ended, he quickly rose on the hierarchy of the Mechanicum, even if he rejected many of the popular body-enhancements the Mechanicus are famous for aplying to themselves, to the point of looking like an actual person, rather than an amalgamation of many pieces of machine stuck together over the framework of a human). However, his fame would not really explode until his expedition to the Librarius Omnis.

The Librarius Omnis is a massive region located somewhere below the forgotten catacombs of [[Mars]]. It's a massive, continent spanning area filled to the brim with old tech, and as such, it has attracted an immense amount of techpriests and explorers to it, trying to uncover rests of old technology. However, it also guards many dangers, and the practical majority of people who go in search for this legendary place never really reach it, and much less come back. During the early days of the Great Crusade, Land organized an expedition in search for a fully functional [[STC]], and after three years of exploring the place, and after many considered him lost to the unknown, he came back with some of the biggest discoveries done in the history of the Imperium.

==Arkhan Land's discoveries and later work==
While he did not find a fully functional STC, Land was able to bring to light a massive amount of lost knowledge, which would quickly become part of the backbone of the logistic structure of the Imperium at large. Land's discoveries can be divided into three:

*The first discovery was an almost complete schematic of a battle tank, which served as the basis to create the Land Raider. While it was one of the best designs the Imperium had at the time, the necessities of the Great Crusade forced Land to deviate from the standard to adapt it to the needs of astartes. After all, the original creators of the Land Raider had regular humans in mind, not hulking behemoths in power armour, so he had to adjust the design to Space Marine's size and weight. Following this principle, the Spartan Assault Tank was created from the blueprints of the Land Raider. It is also possible that many other tanks were modified to include some of the improvements discovered with the Land Raider's blueprint. Land was infamously blase about the tank, referring to it specifically as Land's Raider or the Raider pattern tank. The pedant wrote a huge essay about the importance of the difference.
*The second discovery was a series of remainings of anti-grav technology from the DAoT. While this was not an STC in the strict sense of the word, Land was sensible (or [[heresy|irresponsible]], depending on whom you ask) to just reverse engineer this pieces. By doing that, he discovered many of the fundamental principles of anti-gravity technology, so he was able to apply it to many imperial designs, from civilian to military. Jetbikes and Land Speeders owe their existence to this, and while most of the heavy uses of Land's anti-grav tech was seemingly lost during the [[Horus Heresy]], Archmagos [[Cawl]]'s designs for Primaris Vehicles such as the Repulsor Tank or the Astraeus Super-Heavy Tank heavily hint to a rediscovery of Land's ideas (considering Land and Cawl were alive at the same time, and also that Cawl has brought many other things from the early days of the Imperium, as well as the miraculous developement of the [[Primaris Marines]], he could have improved Land's ideas. Either that or he copied Eldar anti-grav tech, [[skub|you make the call]]).
*The third major discovery was the Land Crawler. While this was in theory just an agricultural vehicle, the efficiency, reliability and easyness of production of this vehicle basically keeps the Imperium alive. The food production of the Imperium would be a fraction of what it is now without the efforts of this vehicle, and many consider it Land's greatest contribution to Mankind. The design has also been applied to many war vehicles, specially in roles such as troop transport and the like, but also as a more traditional combat vehicle.

This discoveries catapulted Land into becoming the most famous figure in the whole Mechanicum, even if he never really became Fabricator-General - partly because he was insufferably arrogant and contemptuous of anyone who wasn't as clever as him (and kept pissing off more senior members of the Mechanicum). While these are his most important works, he also had his hands on other projects, such as the development of the Mars Universal Land Engine (or M.U.L.E.), which was inspired in the movement of ancient terran insects to create the [[Onager Dunecrawler]].

He was also requested by the Emperor Himself to study [[Angron]]'s Butchers Nails, how they functioned and if there was any possible way of removing them. In this endeavour he failed, being unable to find a way to cure Angron from this device. But the simple fact Big. E. entrusted him with that task speaks highly of Land's exceptional intelligence and acumen.

This said, he wasn't entirely infallible. For some fucking dumb reason, he thought ancient monkeys on Earth had venom in their tails because the idea of them hanging from trees was APPARENTLY ludicrous. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crystal_Palace_Dinosaurs Real life paleontology can make some questionable assumptions at times], but not even one picture, nor a photo, nor a preserved specimen, nor a complete fossil of a monkey survived to the 30th millenium?

==Land during the Horus Heresy==
Arkhan Land firmly stood with the loyalists during the civil war, seeing the Emperor as the Omnissiah himself, while also respecting him as the greatest scientific mind there has ever been. Land became embroiled in the first moments of the Death of Innocence events in Mars, although he was one of the priority targets for both sides (the traitors could not leave a mind as brilliant as Land's to undermine Horus' plans, whereas the loyalists needed as many big Mechanicum personalities to keep the war efforts), and he was saved by an [[Imperial Fists|Imperial Fist]] rescue party. He was busy during the war improving the armoury and vehicles of the [[Adeptus Custodes]], hence the many anti-grav vehicles they and the [[Sisters of Silence]] have, and even accompanied them to the War on the Webway. That event kinda traumatized him, seeing too many daemons for a sane mind to comprehend, though he never went mad or corrupted.

After the Heresy was done, he organized a second expedition to the Librarius Omnis, due to many technologies becoming lost or corrupted during the war. Trying to recover as much as possible like he did the first time, he organized a massive expedition with whatever Mechanicum resource he could find, but this time he didn't come back. His diaries were discovered two centuries later, which hint at him and the rest of his expedition being slowly killed by an unknown entity under the catacombs of Mars.

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]] [[Category:Imperial]] [[Category: Adeptus Mechanicus]]

Ravenloft

2020-09-19T11:10:15Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039:

{{cleanup}}

[[Image:RLlogo.gif|center]]
[[Image:Ravenloft.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Count [[Strahd von Zarovich]], contemplating [[Castlevania|the miserable little pile of secrets that is a man]].]]
''Trapped in another world, each area of the world is its own little [[plane]] of existence, ruled by the baron! [[Vampire]]s, [[ghoul]]s, [[zombie]]s, [[wight]]s, [[undead]]s, [[witch]]es, horrible [[gypsy]] curses, and no way out - DUN DUN DUUUUUN''

'''Ravenloft''' is a campaign setting made of lofts and ravens... well, ok, it's a [[Dungeons & Dragons]] campaign setting that replaces the shiny high fantasy heroism cliches with 19th century Gothic literature cliches. Ravenloft itself is a [[demiplane]], divided into several domains, each ruled by a different "Darklord" and inspired by traditional horror tales. While "Castle Ravenloft" is the home of [[Strahd von Zarovich]], this article will refer to the entire plane/setting as Ravenloft for convenience, though the [[Demiplane of Dread]] Ravenloft setting is pretty much the best, with the instanced versions usually revolving around Strahd.

The setting has been described as "Hell, but not for you." The lords mentioned above? They're the rulers of each land (most of them in fact as well as spirit), but also the prisoners. The entire plane is composed entirely of innumerable prisons, each one for something that really deserves it, and is caught in some kind of ironic hell as a result. The DM could connect this plane into your regular adventure just by saying, "thick mists rise up around you," and this meant you were royally fucked. The Dark Powers that control Ravenloft can steal people, places, and objects from other planes and trap them within the [[Demiplane of Dread]]. If somebody somewhere in the planes commits a particularly heinous crime (for example, [[Strahd von Zarovich]], the first [[Darklord]], became a vampire and murdered his brother to take his fiancee Tatyana for himself, who committed suicide rather than submit to him), they will reach out with the Mists to claim that person, create a little pocket realm for them, using a copy of their current surroundings, brand new scenery, or even just abduct the surroundings as well. In any case, the person is bound to that new realm as its Darklord.

[[Darklord]]s have power, yes, but it's all ash in their mouths. The Dark Powers torment them by continuously dangling what their heart wishes for the most and they ''could'' have had just out of their reach. For instance: every generation, Strahd discovers a young woman who he believes is the reincarnation of Tatyana, but he always ends up responsible for her death. Azalin Rex, a powerful lich, is rendered incapable of learning new spells, utterly defeating the purpose of his undead transformation. One of Victor Mordenheim's [[Flesh Golem|creations]] nearly killed his wife, whom he cannot save from the brink of death, instead using [[God-Emperor of Mankind|an array of complicated machinery to keep her just barely alive, yet in constant agony]] while he continually fails to resuscitate her; his creation Adam on the other hand seeks acceptance from the world but the very land rejects him. Vlad Drakov, once a feared mercenary leader on [[Dragonlance|Krynn]], is surrounded by lands ruled by women and fops rather than the great military leaders he seeks the respect of, while the only real enemy he can see continually defeats him on the field of battle and he doesn't know that he can't even set foot on that soil if he should conquer it. Etc, etc...

The Darklords can also close the borders of their realms through some thematic means, preventing anyone from entering or leaving their domain; for example, Strahd can raise a choking fog along his borders, the same one that surrounds the village of Barovia, through which only creatures that do not breathe or have a special antidote can pass safely. If used right, this ability can increase the tension and raise the stakes for the game; used poorly, it smacks of [[railroading]].

[[Image:Count_Von_Count.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Contrary to popular opinion, ''detect evil'' does actually work in Ravenloft, but the world returns an integer and the spell just doesn't know how to deal with that.]]

The first rule of Ravenloft is not to touch anything, ever. First off, ''detect good'' and ''detect evil'' don't work and any other alignment detecting spell can only say if something is lawful or chaotic, so you can't use those spells to check if anything is safe. Second, beware of curses, as they're especially powerful things here, and anyone can place them if they're angry enough and get the Dark Powers' notice when they speak the curse. Anything that could be considered an "evil deed" or using certain spells (especially necromancy) pings the Dark Powers' attention and calls for a "Powers check," a percentile roll against a number depending on the act committed and the victim. Roll above the number and you're safe for now; roll below and the Dark Powers like what they see, "gifting" you with something that at first seems beneficial, but pushes you to commit more nefarious deeds while changing you into something monstrous, in turn provoking more Powers checks and pushing you farther down the path to becoming a Darklord in your own right. Basically, every evil deed is punished by karma. This means that it's entirely possible to lie, cheat, and steal your way into power, only to find yourself ironically cursed in a way that you can never have what you wanted that power for in the first place. Standard operating procedure is for you to be cursed to be alone or separated from one specific loved one - a wife, a son, etc. This is something detrimental in d&d where the likes of good, evil laws and chaos are cosmic forces that already have influence, case in point, the like of outsiders from the lower planes who have evil as a subtype cause actual ripples in reality when present in this plane, known as reality wrinkles, which can fuck a manner of things up in a local vicinity, and only adds to the sheer power evil has over anyone still decent and not dead-eyed demoralized within the Demi-plane of Dread.

Also, you can't leave unless the Dark Powers let you. There are rumors of other ways out, but they are always unclear and extremely dangerous to attempt. Attempting to use ''plane shift'' or other dimensional magic never get you out of Ravenloft; each domain is treated like its own plane, so you'll likely end up in a different domain instead. 3.5 allows to get in and out ''via'' OP1's [[World Serpent Inn]], which shows up in the Demiplane of Dread at certain set intervals. The WSI fistula pisses the Dark Powers off to no end to the point they immediately threaten and scare anyone away from the door that leads to the inn as and when it appears in their domains. This whole 'you can't get out unless we let you' schtick gave birth to so called [[Weekend in Hell]] adventures, where the players act like the unwitting pawns of the Dark Powers to torment a Darklord and are magnanimously granted a ticket out if they succeed without being corrupted themselves.

At the hands of a retarded DM, 3.5's security-breach allows spells and powers unique to the plane to seep elsewhere, like into the ''Forgotten Realms''. One of the prime reasons that make the Demiplane of Dread so dangerous is that it's home to spells so broken and dangerous, that if they became planes-wide knowledge everything could get screwed in a mere matter of days. A good example of this would be Strahd's unkillable zombies in the hands of a Dread Necromancer with the right feats, resulting in Zombies that never die, endlessly heal if limbs are severed, only to turn into more undead that also explode and heal other undead in an endless cycle. But the seepage problem wasn't a new one; it's long been known to ''any'' worldbuilder, since Pizarro first stepped into Peru. DMs with three neurons to rub together can rule that the spell or ability in question simply ceases to function anywhere outside its domain of origin - so restraining Strahd's super-groovy zombies, in our example, to Strahd's prison.

Incidentally, as a result of the "no one can leave" thing, using conjuration magic is an ''extremely bad idea'', as most summoned entities will be quite upset when they realize they can't go back home when the spell expires - and they will usually take their anger out on the conjurer with lethal results.

When horror themes started becoming popular again in the years around 2010, people remembered again that Ravenloft existed. Wizards of the Coast reintroduced the world to the mainstream D&D cosmology by saying that its domains lie within a mirror-plane of the Prime Material, making the aforementioned connection device canon. There were also a bunch of [[Innistrad|imitators in settings and games where you really wouldn't expect it]].

So, yeah. If you like ''Wuthering Heights'', ''Ethan Frome'', or ''[[Castlevania]]'', you'll love Ravenloft. Fun fact; the Japanese version of the original NES Castlevania's cover art was basically ripped straight from the first Ravenloft cover art.

Fun fact: Only three prisoners have ever managed to escape from Ravenloft permanently. One is Vecna, of interest because the PCs can track his career in a series of adventure modules, culminating in that more-''Planescape''-than-actual-''Ravenloft'' module ''[[Die, Vecna, Die!]]''. Another was [[Lord Soth]], formerly of [[Dragonlance]]. One more was [[Jander Sunstar]], but he eventually killed himself out of guilt. Soth's case is the most interesting: he escapes by '''not giving a crap'''. To explain: Soth eventually accepts that he deserves to be tormented by the Dark Powers and admits his failures. He refuses to rise to anything they present him with, be it despair or hope; eventually, realizing that it's pointless to keep him around since he won't respond to anything they do and that he's reached a state resembling repentance the Dark Powers release him from Ravenloft after manipulating events so his downfall would be re-enacting in a way that he could no longer numb himself to the evil of his actions by living in the past. One final thing worth mentioning on the subject of things leaving Ravenloft is the Red Death of [[Masque of the Red Death]]. An early preview and [https://web.archive.org/web/20120222014403/http://www.montecook.com/cgi-bin/page.cgi?int_dnd30_WWC a developer] state it was a Dark Power banished by the others for some violation of their code of conduct.

==History==
Ravenloft began as a 1e D&D module officially titled [[I6: Ravenloft]], created by the Hickmans (creators of the [[Dragonlance]] modules and, ultimately, setting). Their reason for doing so was that they believed that [[vampire]]s had become trite, overused and mundane, so they sought to go back to classic Gothic Horror novels and Universal Horror films to make a "truly scary" vampire (it ''was'' 1983 when they published it). Module I6 was later followed by the [[Advanced Dungeons & Dragons]] module [[I10: Ravenloft II: The House on Gryphon Hill]], which was based on outlines that the Hickmans had written before leaving [[TSR]] and was officially credited to them; this introduced the rudiments of the later domain of Mordent and the future darklord Azalin the [[Lich]].

Both modules were huge successes, which inspired [[TSR]] to build upon lore from the two modules and craft the entire Ravenloft campaign setting. In AD&D, the setting's nature as a patchwork of prisons was played up; the default assumption was that it would be for "Weekend in Hell" games (a term the setting coined), where players would be outlanders swept up in the mists and jerked around by the DM before managing to escape. Ravenloft was loaned out to [[White Wolf]]'s [[Sword & Sorcery]] sub-company as part of 3rd edition, and Arthaus Publications drastically expanded the Ravenloft setting, making it into a more cohesive setting that functioned on its own, rather than being so cross-over defined; Ravenloft D20's assumption was that PCs should aim to be natives, and they toned down the [[grimdark]] to further facilitate that. Unfortunately, probably because of the fact it wasn't [[Wizards of the Coast]] who did the expanding, the D20 version of Ravenloft has been ignored by WoTC. It's not like they followed on from 2e-3.5 anyway in the 4e and 5e Ravenlofts. To note, the expedition to castle ravenloft module for 3.5 by WoTC is not canon (citation needed), and is simply a remake of the original adventure, the 2e demiplane of dread being the active plane of interest still rings true.

Ravenloft was reduced to just a few token mentions in the 4th edition, where Strahd appeared in the [[Open Grave]] [[splatbook]] and Domains of Dread were boiled back down to their "Weekend in Hell" idea as cursed realms within the [[Shadowfell]], but received a royal treatment in 5e with the release of [[Curse of Strahd]], an updated, rewritten release of the original I6 module.

Ironically, the Hickmans are notorious for hating the setting they ultimately created, in one part because of their notorious disdain for "crossovers" between D&D settings and for another because a different author for TSR wrote a very well-written novel - ''Knight of the Black Rose'' - in which [[Lord Soth]] of [[Dragonlance]] was made into a Darklord. Fans loved the idea, but in the end, he became the only Darklord ever to escape the Land of Mists when they first drew him back to Krynn, then killed him off so no one could have him.

The most important parts of Ravenloft are probably the contents on [[lich]] and [[vampire]] lore provided by professor [[Rudolph Van Richten]], the now deceased monster hunter of the demiplane, Ricky dick is known for getting back-stabbed by [[Vistani]] and being maybe too generous with the information he supplied in his works, on account of nearly getting his heart carved out by one of his best friends because he thought it was a good idea to detail almost all of the lich ritual requirements. In 3.5, you will find some of the salient abilities he wrote for Liches in Monsters of Faerun updated. He also literally wrote the book on several other Gothic monsters, namely [[therianthrope|werebeasts]], [[mummy|mummies]], [[golem]]s, [[fiend]]s and [[witch]]es - see [[Van Richten's Guide]].

==Races==
[[File:Ravenloft 3e PC Lineup.jpeg|thumb|right|300px|The complete cast of races, as depicted in the 3e Ravenloft Campaign Setting.]]

As a [[Dungeons & Dragons]] setting, most of the classic neo-[[Tolkien]] races are playable options in a Ravenloft campaign. [[Human]], [[Elf]], [[Dwarf]], [[Gnome]], [[Halfling]] and [[Half-Elf]] are all present and accounted for. But, its "Gothic Horror" slant does lead to a few tweaks, particularly in 3rd edition.

Firstly, this is the setting that introduced the concept of [[Outsider Rating]], which is literally a stat to govern how much you spook the ignorant peasant-folk; this idea began in 2nd edition, but it was codified in 3rd edition.

Secondly, the setting gave us the [[Half-Vistani]], one of the most pointless races ever.

Finally, in 3rd edition, the [[half-orc]] was removed under the explanation that the [[orc]] itself did not fit a Gothic setting. Instead, its place was taken by the [[Caliban (Ravenloft)|Caliban]]; cursed, deformed, wretched [[mutant]]s. Okay, they were literally just cosmetic reskins over the half-orc's statblock (which was widely considered the shittiest in 3rd edition) and it took a fan to actually explore their full potential in [[Quoth the Raven]], but hey, at least you gotta give [[White Wolf]] credit for trying!

Despite the fact that the setting was literally made by a horny vampire lusting for a human woman, [[dhampir]]s have '''never''' appeared as a PC race in Ravenloft. This may not be as big of a mistake as some of the ones made in [[Planescape]], and certainly doesn't compare to the existence of [[Kender]] and [[Tinker Gnome]]s (but then, what ''can''?), but it shows how badly [[TSR]] could fuck up when it came to making an interesting setting.

==Religions==
Religion in the Demiplane of Dread is a strange thing indeed. While there are many religions present, the Demi-Plane of Dread seems to have been specifically isolated from any kind of divine intervention beyond the absolute minimum needed for faith to exist. Nobody's entirely sure how clerics get their spells in light of this, but some believe they are granted by the Dark Powers themselves, who choose to impersonate the gods for reasons nobody can fathom.

Established faiths of the Demiplane include:

'''Benevolent Faiths:'''
* [[The Ancestral Choir]]
* [[Belenus]]
* [[Divinity of Mankind]]
* [[Ezra]]
* [[Hala]]
* [[The Morninglord]]
* [[The Overseer]]

'''Malign Faiths:'''
* [[Erlin]]
* [[The Eternal Order]]
* [[The Lawgiver]]
* [[The Spider Queen]]
* [[The Wolf God]]
* [[Yutow]]
* [[Zhakata]]

'''Pantheons:'''
* Akari Pantheon (Egyptian)
* Forlorn Pantheon (Celtic)
* Rajian Pantheon (Hindu)

==Spin-Offs==
Do you think that Ravenloft doesn't double down on its [[Historical Fantasy]] roots hard enough? Do you think spellcasters need even ''more'' nerfing? Are you just so masochistic that you think Ravenloft is too soft? Then [[TSR]] has you covered with [[Masque of the Red Death]], a full-fledged [[Gothic Horror]] [[Historical Fantasy]] setting using the D&D crunch that manages to twist and contort its rules into something almost as punishing and depowering as [[Call of Cthulhu]].

{{D&D-Settings}}
{{Planescape-Cosmology}}

[[Category:Ravenloft]]

Oxyotl

2020-09-19T10:51:07Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: /* The Legend */

{{stub}}
[[File:Oxyotl.jpg|thumb|right|500px|"FUCK YO SHIT, YOU CHAOS MUTHUHFUCKUHS!!"]]
'''Oxyotl''' also known as "He who hunts unseen" is a [[Lizardmen]] character from [[Warhammer Fantasy]], and is the original badass to invade the [[Warp|Realm of Chaos]] and run amok for thousands of years (which in the timelessness of [[Chaos]] could have very well been billions or more) while causing a massive mess in all the realms and plans of the [[Chaos Gods]]. Whether or not he ever met [[Kaldor Draigo|the second guy]] to do it is a popular subject of speculation among the Warhammer fanbase, though Oxyotl's twice as badass for that fact that he's doing all this [[awesome|without being a bio-engineered psychic superman with high-tech power armor, weapons AND with but his trustworthy blow pipe. A FUCKING BLOW PIPE AGAINST 10 FOOT TALL LIVING NIGHTMARE MADE OUT OF ENERGIES]]. To put it in detail, the properties of his blowpipe (a magical weapon) only state that it launches projectiles at high speed at the slightest exhalation. As for the poison, it's stated that he makes his own from what he can find in the warp. Yep, you read that correctly: Oxyotl makes poisons strong enough to kill Great Unclean Ones out of literally nothing.

==The Legend==
Oxyotl's legend actually dates back to the first Chaos incursion. Back then he and his fellow Skinks took on interceptor roles, ambushing Daemon legions and weakening them before the main forces could take them down.

Unfortunately this became a war of attrition the Lizardmen could not win, and his forces were pushed back into the temple city of Pahuax. It wasn't much longer before the Daemons were inside the city, slaughtering Lizardmen by the truckload. The city's Slann, Lord Pocaxalan, opted to try and blow them up in a massive explosion of magical energy. Unfortunately this [[Not as planned|backfired and tore open a portal to the Warp, and Lord Pocaxalan was eaten by daemons]].

Oxyotl soon found himself trapped in the realm of Chaos. Rather than succumb to the madness like a little bitch, Oxyotl decided that he would just keep doing what he was literally born to do: Killing Daemons and taking names. Unlike Draigo however, Oxyotl didn't rely on plot armor and bullshit psychic abilities. Nope, he just picked up his trusty blowgun and went to work. For countless years he remained there, due to the nature of the Warp it's not really clear exactly how long he was trapped, but by his own perspective he returned to Lustria about 7000 years after he had left. Exactly ''how'' he escaped is still a mystery; he never spoke of how he managed it, and the Slann were afraid to scan his mind for fear of what they might find. Maybe he just found a portal, maybe he broke out through sheer willpower, maybe the Chaos Gods booted him out because he was wrecking their shit too much. Who knows? Many took this as a sign of the End Times, and well... turns out they weren't all that far off as those events kicked off not too long after he had returned.[[awesome| Though he still had enough time to solo a Lord of Change.]]

Oxyotl had a brief role in the Thanquol End Times book, killing Skaven and Chaos alike as usual. However he was last seen disappearing into the Jungles to resume his hunt. It's not really clear if he was killed after that, but he wasn't mentioned to have boarded the ships when the Slann evacuated (At least not by name. Most likely however, he survived by staging Guerilla warfare against the forces of Chaos up until either the pieces of the Chaos moon smashed Lustria to ruin or the world was swallowed up into the Warp.)

If the latter, he probably sighed "Sotek damn it, here we go again!" and went back to hunting Daemons in the warp again, this time in search of a path to Azyr (which he may well have found, considering there are still rules for a "chameleon skink stalker" in the Lizardmen section on the AoS app). Though he was dropped from the Seraphon army list (Because otherwise Draigo would be much less of a special snowflake), so who really knows.

==On The Tabletop==

<gallery>
File:Oxyotl Miniture.jpg|You thought his color is orange? that's what he WANTS you to think. Even demons fall for that trick mind you.
</gallery>

[[Category:Lizardmen (Warhammer Fantasy)]][[Category:Warhammer Fantasy]]

<s>Nope, no model. It's annoying isn't it? Failing that, get a Skink and give him a Necron sword.</s> He got a model in the 8th edition and he has an unique magic item called "The Golden Blowpipe of P'Toohee". GW has brought him back for a limited time.

Inquisitor Trainer

2020-09-19T10:47:18Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: Not sure this is a good idea but oh, well...

{{/vg/}}
{{Promotions}}

[[File:Itrainer banner.jpg|800px|center]]

Inquisitor Trainer is an up and coming [[Warhammer 40,000]] hentai parody made by Adeptus Celeng. The game will take place on a hive world somewhere in the galaxy and follow the exploits of a young [[Acolyte]] as she fulfills the wishes of her [[Inquisitor]].

==Dramatis Personae==

*Heidi: The player character, a young acolyte.
*Cordelia: An inquisitor and Heidi's superior, she is extremely perverted.

==Links==
The Patreon page and news: https://www.patreon.com/adeptusceleng/posts

T-64

2020-09-19T10:28:18Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039:

[[File:T-64.jpg|300px|right|thumb|]]

{{topquote|Ivan, engineers made ''Tri Tankista'' hymn reality again!|Common joke amongst T-64 crews.}}

As the Soviet Union invested more and more into armored technology it soon became apparent that a new platform would need to be developed to wield all of that fancy new tech. The result of that realization was the T-64, which was the first vehicle to be equipped with BDD armor, the Eastern equivalent of the famed Chobham composite armor.

For those who need the topquote explained: the introduction of an autoloader brought the tank crew back down to three men just like in the old BT-5 and BT-7 from WWII. And [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QOO3UWU98U the Soviet Tank Corps' unofficial hymn] is precisely about such a crew, hence the joke.

==In Team Yankee==
[[File:T-64 Stat Card.jpg|300px|left|thumb|The Stat Card]]
''Updating this section for Team Yankee v2''

The T-64B is the most advanced tank available to prospective Red Army Commanders, until the release of the T-80. Playing the role of a linebreaker and wolfpack tank, the T-64 takes on the role of solving uncle Joe's problems with judicious application of HE rounds.

While it's armor value of 17 was previously barely adequate against it's NATO counterparts, the appearance of the M1a1 and TOW2 missiles means that the T-64's front is barely better than a tin can against the new USA and NATO lineup. It can shrug off Milans and the equivalent with some effort, but must otherwise seek cover at all times. Close up, BDD provides a measure of protection against light anti-tank weapons and can resist Carl Gustavs, making this tank optimal for beating up US infantry, who can't do anything against this monster up close.

On the offensive, the T-64 wields the 125mm 2A46 gun, capable of firing Kobra ATGMs (Anti Tank Guided Missiles) in addition to conventional munitions. This boomstick has an AT value of 22 and a Fire Power Rating of 2+. Essentially, the T-64 can delete early model NATO tanks and can hammer Late model ones into submission with massed fire. Infantry also have something to fear as the Brutal rule will force them to reroll their successful saves. The advanced stabilizer is the defining feature of this tank and will be instrumental in allowing the T-64 to exploit holes in your opponent's lines to flank and spank other heavy tanks.

One may wonder why you would ever use the missile, the AT-8 Songster, as the AT value is one less at 21 and the firepower drops off to 3+. The missile adds an extra foot if you are an imperialist ''cyka'' or an extra 40 centimeters if you are a good communist worker. It is also guided and mounts a HEAT warhead, essentially ignoring the penalties for firing at long range, turning the T-64 into a decent sniper. Equipping your tanks with the AT-8 will cost you an extra 2 points though. However this is just a flat rate, meaning that it will cost you the same amount if you are running a minimum squad or a full company, making it proportionally less expensive the more tanks you have. ''Yankee Team's Opinion: Unless you want the option to snipe helicopters inefficiently, just ignore this upgrade.''

Red Army Commanders may take T-64 Companies ranging in size from 3 tanks to 10, with an initial batch costing you a total of 13 points and every additional tank adding on 6 more, to a total of 55. In experience, a single large platoon of 5-6 tanks performs well as a mobile reserve and possesses enough shots to make an M1a1 sweat. Platoons of 3 should be avoided unles you are running the full company of 10 tanks.

==IRL==
[[File:Т-64BM Bulat.jpg|300px|right|thumb|A Pair of Ukrainian T-64 Bulats]]
Until the fifties, Soviet doctrine pretty much remained unchanged, i.e. drown the enemy in A LOT of individually cheap and easy to mass-produce tanks. The T-55 was the epitome of that way of thinking: with over 90.000 units it is the most produced tank in history and it was a robust, simple, easy to operate no-frills attached MBT with decent firepower and mobility.

By the end of the fifties, though, the rules of the game had sufficiently changed due to new technology that a simple zerg rush would no longer work. Individually better, more advanced designs that could go toe-to-toe with an enemy MBT were a necessity to support and cover the main bulk. Hence first the T-62, then quickly after that the T-64, who at the moment it hit the field was a lean, mean, state-of-the-art killing machine... But also a lot more expensive, reason there were only around 10.000 of them built. (Which is a lot by itself, but not when compared to the numbers of his T-34, T-44 and T-55 predecessors.)

The more astute reader will probably notice that the T-64 is a lot more capable than the T-72, which was developed more recently. This is because the T-64 was designed to only be utilized by the Soviet Union while the T-72 was meant to be more of an export model. The Soviets were keenly aware of the fact that things that they sent to their allies had a nasty habit of ending up in the hands of someone who really shouldn't be getting their mitts on soviet hardware, Like the US as a completely random example. Hence the reds usually kept the best stuff to themselves. As well, the Soviet Union armed forces were big. This meant making a lot of tanks, thus the T-72 was used to equip the lessers, and it was intended to fight the older NATO tanks anyways. Similar to the later T-80, the 64 was meant to be produced in small-ish numbers and equip elite Soviet combined arms units, while the T-72 like the T-55 before it was meant to be produced in the biggest possible amount, issued to Soviet tank-only armies who would make up the bulk of any assault force, and be exported to the rest of the Eastern Bloc or any other potential allies. The idea was: T-72 attack perforates the Leopard 1s and M60s and M48s holding the line and takes less damage and casualties in return. Then the M1 and Leopard 2 came along and threw a wrench in the Kremlin's battle plans. Eventually the T-80 was brought in to bridge the gap, but numerous problems with its new gas turbine engine opened up another can of worms.

One might wonder about the conspicuous lack of Kontakt-1 ERA - Explosive Reactive Armour - that would normally be installed onto Soviet tanks of the relevant time period. The T-64 that Team Yankee uses is a T-64B, which can be converted into a T-64BV (conversions first started in 1985, meaning that it is possible for such converted tanks to show up in this setting) with the addition of ERA. Essentially how ERA works is that it’s basically an explosive charge mounted on the turret or hull which explodes with a sufficient impact force. It’s of questionable use against APFSDS (Armour Piercings Fin Stabilised Discarding Sabot) rounds which are basically dense metal (usually tungsten or depleted uranium) darts, but against HEAT munitions it kicks ass. HEAT - High Explosive Anti Tank - warheads are basically shaped charges that rely on the Munroe effect (ie. the focusing of blast energy by a hollow or void cut on a surface of an explosive.) to penetrate armour. What ERA does is that it damages and deforms the concave structure of the warhead, rendering it from a shaped charge with focused blast energy to just a conventional explosive charge. In gameplay terms, it would make the first hit from a HEAT munition do diddly squat but would not protect from a second HEAT hit on the same area. There could be a T-64BV conversion kit in the near future, but then we’d have to see how Team Yankee actually decides to implement it.

To say that the T-64 is a great tank is a bit disingenuous. It was revolutionary although when the British showed off the Chieftan with its 120mm cannon the Soviets reworked the T-64. The first 500 T-64s had a 115mm cannon was hurriedly changed to have a 125mm cannon as the T-64A. It was the first tank to feature an autoloader, and the first to use composite armor. Of course, its entire design was such a revolution that engineers responsible for it running literally spent weeks in the hangars, working without rest or holidays and sleeping nearby. Currently, the tank has several upgrades making it more capable, and it is being used in the Ukrainian civil war.
{{Soviet Forces in Team Yankee}}

[[Category:Vehicles]]

T-64

2020-09-19T10:18:51Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: /* In Team Yankee */

[[File:T-64.jpg|300px|right|thumb|]]

{{topquote|Ivan, engineers made ''Tri Tankista'' hymn reality again!|Common joke amongst T-64 crews.}}

As the Soviet Union invested more and more into armored technology it soon became apparent that a new platform would need to be developed to wield all of that fancy new tech. The result of that realization was the T-64, which was the first vehicle to be equipped with BDD armor, the Eastern equivalent of the famed Chobham composite armor.

For those who need the topquote explained: the introduction of an autoloader brought the tank crew back down to three men just like in the old BT-5 and BT-7 from WWII. And [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QOO3UWU98U the Soviet Tank Corp's unofficial hymn] is precisely about such a crew, hence the joke.

==In Team Yankee==
[[File:T-64 Stat Card.jpg|300px|left|thumb|The Stat Card]]
''Updating this section for Team Yankee v2''

The T-64B is the most advanced tank available to prospective Red Army Commanders, until the release of the T-80. Playing the role of a linebreaker and wolfpack tank, the T-64 takes on the role of solving uncle Joe's problems with judicious application of HE rounds.

While it's armor value of 17 was previously barely adequate against it's NATO counterparts, the appearance of the M1a1 and TOW2 missiles means that the T-64's front is barely better than a tin can against the new USA and NATO lineup. It can shrug off Milans and the equivalent with some effort, but must otherwise seek cover at all times. Close up, BDD provides a measure of protection against light anti-tank weapons and can resist Carl Gustavs, making this tank optimal for beating up US infantry, who can't do anything against this monster up close.

On the offensive, the T-64 wields the 125mm 2A46 gun, capable of firing Kobra ATGMs (Anti Tank Guided Missiles) in addition to conventional munitions. This boomstick has an AT value of 22 and a Fire Power Rating of 2+. Essentially, the T-64 can delete early model NATO tanks and can hammer Late model ones into submission with massed fire. Infantry also have something to fear as the Brutal rule will force them to reroll their successful saves. The advanced stabilizer is the defining feature of this tank and will be instrumental in allowing the T-64 to exploit holes in your opponent's lines to flank and spank other heavy tanks.

One may wonder why you would ever use the missile, the AT-8 Songster, as the AT value is one less at 21 and the firepower drops off to 3+. The missile adds an extra foot if you are an imperialist ''cyka'' or an extra 40 centimeters if you are a good communist worker. It is also guided and mounts a HEAT warhead, essentially ignoring the penalties for firing at long range, turning the T-64 into a decent sniper. Equipping your tanks with the AT-8 will cost you an extra 2 points though. However this is just a flat rate, meaning that it will cost you the same amount if you are running a minimum squad or a full company, making it proportionally less expensive the more tanks you have. ''Yankee Team's Opinion: Unless you want the option to snipe helicopters inefficiently, just ignore this upgrade.''

Red Army Commanders may take T-64 Companies ranging in size from 3 tanks to 10, with an initial batch costing you a total of 13 points and every additional tank adding on 6 more, to a total of 55. In experience, a single large platoon of 5-6 tanks performs well as a mobile reserve and possesses enough shots to make an M1a1 sweat. Platoons of 3 should be avoided unles you are running the full company of 10 tanks.

==IRL==
[[File:Т-64BM Bulat.jpg|300px|right|thumb|A Pair of Ukrainian T-64 Bulats]]
Until the fifties, Soviet doctrine pretty much remained unchanged, i.e. drown the enemy in A LOT of individually cheap and easy to mass-produce tanks. The T-55 was the epitome of that way of thinking: with over 90.000 units it is the most produced tank in history and it was a robust, simple, easy to operate no-frills attached MBT with decent firepower and mobility.

By the end of the fifties, though, the rules of the game had sufficiently changed due to new technology that a simple zerg rush would no longer work. Individually better, more advanced designs that could go toe-to-toe with an enemy MBT were a necessity to support and cover the main bulk. Hence first the T-62, then quickly after that the T-64, who at the moment it hit the field was a lean, mean, state-of-the-art killing machine... But also a lot more expensive, reason there were only around 10.000 of them built. (Which is a lot by itself, but not when compared to the numbers of his T-34, T-44 and T-55 predecessors.)

The more astute reader will probably notice that the T-64 is a lot more capable than the T-72, which was developed more recently. This is because the T-64 was designed to only be utilized by the Soviet Union while the T-72 was meant to be more of an export model. The Soviets were keenly aware of the fact that things that they sent to their allies had a nasty habit of ending up in the hands of someone who really shouldn't be getting their mitts on soviet hardware, Like the US as a completely random example. Hence the reds usually kept the best stuff to themselves. As well, the Soviet Union armed forces were big. This meant making a lot of tanks, thus the T-72 was used to equip the lessers, and it was intended to fight the older NATO tanks anyways. Similar to the later T-80, the 64 was meant to be produced in small-ish numbers and equip elite Soviet combined arms units, while the T-72 like the T-55 before it was meant to be produced in the biggest possible amount, issued to Soviet tank-only armies who would make up the bulk of any assault force, and be exported to the rest of the Eastern Bloc or any other potential allies. The idea was: T-72 attack perforates the Leopard 1s and M60s and M48s holding the line and takes less damage and casualties in return. Then the M1 and Leopard 2 came along and threw a wrench in the Kremlin's battle plans. Eventually the T-80 was brought in to bridge the gap, but numerous problems with its new gas turbine engine opened up another can of worms.

One might wonder about the conspicuous lack of Kontakt-1 ERA - Explosive Reactive Armour - that would normally be installed onto Soviet tanks of the relevant time period. The T-64 that Team Yankee uses is a T-64B, which can be converted into a T-64BV (conversions first started in 1985, meaning that it is possible for such converted tanks to show up in this setting) with the addition of ERA. Essentially how ERA works is that it’s basically an explosive charge mounted on the turret or hull which explodes with a sufficient impact force. It’s of questionable use against APFSDS (Armour Piercings Fin Stabilised Discarding Sabot) rounds which are basically dense metal (usually tungsten or depleted uranium) darts, but against HEAT munitions it kicks ass. HEAT - High Explosive Anti Tank - warheads are basically shaped charges that rely on the Munroe effect (ie. the focusing of blast energy by a hollow or void cut on a surface of an explosive.) to penetrate armour. What ERA does is that it damages and deforms the concave structure of the warhead, rendering it from a shaped charge with focused blast energy to just a conventional explosive charge. In gameplay terms, it would make the first hit from a HEAT munition do diddly squat but would not protect from a second HEAT hit on the same area. There could be a T-64BV conversion kit in the near future, but then we’d have to see how Team Yankee actually decides to implement it.

To say that the T-64 is a great tank is a bit disingenuous. It was revolutionary although when the British showed off the Chieftan with its 120mm cannon the Soviets reworked the T-64. The first 500 T-64s had a 115mm cannon was hurriedly changed to have a 125mm cannon as the T-64A. It was the first tank to feature an autoloader, and the first to use composite armor. Of course, its entire design was such a revolution that engineers responsible for it running literally spent weeks in the hangars, working without rest or holidays and sleeping nearby. Currently, the tank has several upgrades making it more capable, and it is being used in the Ukrainian civil war.
{{Soviet Forces in Team Yankee}}

[[Category:Vehicles]]

T-64

2020-09-19T10:17:18Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039:

[[File:T-64.jpg|300px|right|thumb|]]

{{topquote|Ivan, engineers made ''Tri Tankista'' hymn reality again!|Common joke amongst T-64 crews.}}

As the Soviet Union invested more and more into armored technology it soon became apparent that a new platform would need to be developed to wield all of that fancy new tech. The result of that realization was the T-64, which was the first vehicle to be equipped with BDD armor, the Eastern equivalent of the famed Chobham composite armor.

For those who need the topquote explained: the introduction of an autoloader brought the tank crew back down to three men just like in the old BT-5 and BT-7 from WWII. And [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QOO3UWU98U the Soviet Tank Corp's unofficial hymn] is precisely about such a crew, hence the joke.

==In Team Yankee==
[[File:T-64 Stat Card.jpg|300px|left|thumb|The Stat Card]]
''Updating this section for Team Yankee v2''

The T-64B is the most advanced tank available to prospective Red Army Commanders, until the release of the T-80. Playing the role of a linebreaker and wolfpack tank, the T-64 takes on the role of solving uncle Joe's problems with judicious application of HE rounds.

While it's armor value of 17 was previously barely adequate against it's NATO counterparts, the appearance of the M1a1 and TOW2 missiles means that the T-64's front is barely better than a tin can against the new USA and NATO lineup. It can shrug off Milans and the equivalant with some effort, but must otherwise seek cover at all times. Close up, BDD provides a measure of protection against light anti tank weapons and can resist Carl Gustavs, making this tank optimal for beating up US infantry, who cant do anything against this monster up close.

On the offensive, the T-64 wields the 125mm 2A46 gun, capable of firing Kobra ATGMs (Anti Tank Guided Missiles) in addition to conventional munitions. This boomstick has an AT value of 22 and a Fire Power Rating of 2+. Essentially, the T-64 can delete early model NATO tanks and can hammer Late model ones into submission with massed fire. Infantry also have something to fear as the Brutal rule will force them to reroll their successful saves. The advanced stabilizer is the defining feature of this tank and will be instrumental in allowing the T64 to exploit holes in your opponent's lines to flank and spank other heavy tanks.

One may wonder why you would ever use the missile, the AT-8 Songster, as the AT value is one less at 21 and the firepower drops off to 3+. The missile adds an extra foot if you are an imperialist ''cyka'' or an extra 40 centimeters if you are a good communist worker. It is also guided and mounts a HEAT warhead, essentially ignoring the penalties for firing at long range, turning the T-64 into a decent sniper. Equipping your tanks with the AT-8 will cost you an extra 2 points though. However this is just a flat rate, meaning that it will cost you the same amount if you are running a minimum squad or a full company, making it proportionally less expensive the more tanks you have. ''Yankee Team's Opinion: Unless you want the option to snipe helicopters inefficiently, just ignore this upgrade.''

Red Army Commanders may take T-64 Companies ranging in size from 3 tanks to 10, with an initial batch costing you a total of 13 points and every additional tank adding on 6 more, to a total of 55. In experience, a single large platoon of 5-6 tanks performs well as a mobile reserve and possesses enough shots to make an M1a1 sweat. Platoons of 3 should be avoided unles you are running the full company of 10 tanks.

==IRL==
[[File:Т-64BM Bulat.jpg|300px|right|thumb|A Pair of Ukrainian T-64 Bulats]]
Until the fifties, Soviet doctrine pretty much remained unchanged, i.e. drown the enemy in A LOT of individually cheap and easy to mass-produce tanks. The T-55 was the epitome of that way of thinking: with over 90.000 units it is the most produced tank in history and it was a robust, simple, easy to operate no-frills attached MBT with decent firepower and mobility.

By the end of the fifties, though, the rules of the game had sufficiently changed due to new technology that a simple zerg rush would no longer work. Individually better, more advanced designs that could go toe-to-toe with an enemy MBT were a necessity to support and cover the main bulk. Hence first the T-62, then quickly after that the T-64, who at the moment it hit the field was a lean, mean, state-of-the-art killing machine... But also a lot more expensive, reason there were only around 10.000 of them built. (Which is a lot by itself, but not when compared to the numbers of his T-34, T-44 and T-55 predecessors.)

The more astute reader will probably notice that the T-64 is a lot more capable than the T-72, which was developed more recently. This is because the T-64 was designed to only be utilized by the Soviet Union while the T-72 was meant to be more of an export model. The Soviets were keenly aware of the fact that things that they sent to their allies had a nasty habit of ending up in the hands of someone who really shouldn't be getting their mitts on soviet hardware, Like the US as a completely random example. Hence the reds usually kept the best stuff to themselves. As well, the Soviet Union armed forces were big. This meant making a lot of tanks, thus the T-72 was used to equip the lessers, and it was intended to fight the older NATO tanks anyways. Similar to the later T-80, the 64 was meant to be produced in small-ish numbers and equip elite Soviet combined arms units, while the T-72 like the T-55 before it was meant to be produced in the biggest possible amount, issued to Soviet tank-only armies who would make up the bulk of any assault force, and be exported to the rest of the Eastern Bloc or any other potential allies. The idea was: T-72 attack perforates the Leopard 1s and M60s and M48s holding the line and takes less damage and casualties in return. Then the M1 and Leopard 2 came along and threw a wrench in the Kremlin's battle plans. Eventually the T-80 was brought in to bridge the gap, but numerous problems with its new gas turbine engine opened up another can of worms.

One might wonder about the conspicuous lack of Kontakt-1 ERA - Explosive Reactive Armour - that would normally be installed onto Soviet tanks of the relevant time period. The T-64 that Team Yankee uses is a T-64B, which can be converted into a T-64BV (conversions first started in 1985, meaning that it is possible for such converted tanks to show up in this setting) with the addition of ERA. Essentially how ERA works is that it’s basically an explosive charge mounted on the turret or hull which explodes with a sufficient impact force. It’s of questionable use against APFSDS (Armour Piercings Fin Stabilised Discarding Sabot) rounds which are basically dense metal (usually tungsten or depleted uranium) darts, but against HEAT munitions it kicks ass. HEAT - High Explosive Anti Tank - warheads are basically shaped charges that rely on the Munroe effect (ie. the focusing of blast energy by a hollow or void cut on a surface of an explosive.) to penetrate armour. What ERA does is that it damages and deforms the concave structure of the warhead, rendering it from a shaped charge with focused blast energy to just a conventional explosive charge. In gameplay terms, it would make the first hit from a HEAT munition do diddly squat but would not protect from a second HEAT hit on the same area. There could be a T-64BV conversion kit in the near future, but then we’d have to see how Team Yankee actually decides to implement it.

To say that the T-64 is a great tank is a bit disingenuous. It was revolutionary although when the British showed off the Chieftan with its 120mm cannon the Soviets reworked the T-64. The first 500 T-64s had a 115mm cannon was hurriedly changed to have a 125mm cannon as the T-64A. It was the first tank to feature an autoloader, and the first to use composite armor. Of course, its entire design was such a revolution that engineers responsible for it running literally spent weeks in the hangars, working without rest or holidays and sleeping nearby. Currently, the tank has several upgrades making it more capable, and it is being used in the Ukrainian civil war.
{{Soviet Forces in Team Yankee}}

[[Category:Vehicles]]

Treant

2020-09-19T09:35:58Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039:

{{dnd-stub}}
[[File:Treant 5e.png|thumb|right|300px]]

The '''Treant''' is the [[Dungeons & Dragons]] depiction of the iconic [[treeman]] monster. Stolen shamelessly from the depiction by [[J.R.R. Tolkien]], [[Gary Gygax]] changed the name from "ent" to "treant" in order to avoid legal disputes, much the same way that [[hobbits]] were turned into [[halflings]].

Treants are massive trees with the ability to walk around and talk. They consider themselves the guardians and protectors of their non-mobile brethren, and thus defend the woods, forests and jungles from use by humanoid races.

Although usually typed as Plants, for obvious reasons, Treants have a tradition of being associated with fey creatures, mostly because those creatures are also typically portrayed as being close to nature and sworn to its defense. Treants were even a playable race in the Basic D&D supplement "Tall Tales of the Wee Folk", a splatbook dedicated to fey PC races.

In AD&D, several known variants of Treant include:

The Lyrannikin, also known as the Black Treant; a [[Greyhawk|Oerthian]] treant who has succumbed to hatred, rage and malice, turning into a murderous protector of the wilderness.

The [[Dark Sun|Athasian]] Treant, which is actually a [[elemental|water spirit]] that has merged with a tree to better guard a standing body of water. While not an ''Evil'' being (it just wants to protects its pond), like many thing on Athas it tends to be a hazard to adventurers.

[[Ravenloft]] is home to malevolent, horrifically corrupted Evil Treants, of which the worst and most infamous is Blackroot of Tepest- a once-noble oak tree that was turned into a vile perversion of its former self by the Sisters Mindefisk. These creatures are so monstrous that they have been known to defy death itself and return as horrible Undead Treants.

[[Dungeon Magazine]] #61 includes the Greater Treant, which is basically a bigger, stronger, more magical version of the treant.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Treant 1e.jpg|1e
Treant 2e.gif|2e
Treant MCV1.jpg
Treant 3e.png|3e
Treant 4e.jpg|4e
Treant TTotWF.jpg|PC1
Evil treant MC Ravenloft.jpg|Evil Treant
Evil treant blackroot.jpg
Undead treant MC Ravenloft.jpg|Undead Treant
Undead treant DoD.jpg
</gallery>

{{D&D1e-Races}}

[[Category: Monsters]] [[Category: Pathfinder]]

Communism

2020-09-19T09:26:02Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: /* Note */

{{flamewar}}
{{awesome}}
[[Image:Communismleaders.jpg|right|thumb|400px|Contrary to western propaganda, this is how communism has always worked]]

{{topquote|Under [[capitalism]], man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.|Anonymous radio host from Soviet Armenia; also attributed to Yakov Smirnov}}
{{Topquote|MASH THE DIRTY RED SCUM! KICK THEM IN THE TEETH WHERE IT HURTS! KILL! KILL, KILL! FILTHY BASTARD COMMIES! I HATE THEM, I HATE THEM! AH! AH!|Ordo Xenos Inquisitor John Cleese, responding to the threat of the Damocles Crusade}}
{{topquote|Communism is the corruption of a dream of justice.|Adlai Stevenson I}}

'''Communism''' can refer to two concepts: the society where the economy is collectively managed and organised government is replaced by local communes (hence the name), and the (usually) authoritarian ideology that seeks to instate such a perfect society. Communism in the first sense had been tried in various villages through the early nineteenth century before fizzling out, but most people are only interested in the second sense, due to its enormous impact on the twentieth century. Communism the ideology is generally associated with oligarchic rule of the "vanguard party" and a degree of central planning; it was the state ideology of the Soviet Union and its satellite states, as well as a few minor powers such as Yugoslavia and Vietnam, during the Cold War. It is still, albeit in a very modified form, adhered to in a few countries today, such as the People's Republic of China, North Korea and Cuba.

In many ways, it is the opposite of [[capitalism]], both of them along with [[nazi|nazism]] are considered by some historians as diverging branches from [[humanism]].

==Overview==
The ideology of communism is highly diverse, as numerous thinkers have proposed different definitions and pathways to a communist society, yet most modern communists, in one way or another, derive their ideas from the writings of Karl Marx: hence, it is Marxist communism that will be discussed here. Even then, a full explanation is far beyond the scope of this wiki, so [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communism Wikipedia] might be a better bet if you want to get into the philosophical and economic details.

Most non-Marxist communists are more anti-authoritarian (e.g. Kropotkin, Makhno), so they are usually classified as [[Malal|anarchists]] instead. However, even Marxist communism is not homogenous, ranging from the more extremist (Hoxhaism, Stalinism aka Marxism-Leninism) to more moderate (Titoism, Kadarism, classical Marxism), sometimes mixed with nationalism (Juche), liberal capitalism (Dengism) or - ironically given communism's recurring [[Imperial Truth|anti-religion]] tendency - ''Catholicism'' (Liberation theology). Perhaps the reason why there are so many different variations of communism is because Marx and Engels' blueprint is so vague in many places (it didn't help that Marx died before finishing Das Kapital) that it lends itself to a dizzying array of interpretations, for better or worse.

Marxism originates with the work of (newsflash) Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels: Engels was the working son of an industrialist, while Marx got a PhD in law and spent much of his life in academia and radical politics; this arguably makes them the world's first [[Gretchin Revolutionary Committee|socialist justice warriors.]] These two developed their economic theories as a response to the effects of the Industrial Revolution. Marx observed that while the mechanization of production was a good thing since it generated a lot of wealth, he believed it was [[Rage|grossly unfair]] since said wealth was accumulating in the pockets of only a few [[Games Workshop|fucking rich pricks]] and most other people lived in Victorian poverty. He further saw this as another step in a long historical trend in which a class that owned the means of production (i.e. factories, land, etc.) exploited and dominated a lower class that had to sell its labor power to survive (by working in said factories, land, etc.) even though they had no say in how the means of production could be used and had a better claim to it on account of being the class that actually used the means of production.

Marx viewed society as being on a very clear cut path of social evolution with clearly defined phases, based on his interpretation of Hegelian philosophy (we suggest you look that up yourself, it's much too complicated to make into a pithy explanation here). Every phase represented a different form of economy and social hierarchy, and, while starting out "progressive", would eventually [[Imperium of Man|fall into degradation]] as it exceeded its limits. At this point, this decayed socio-economic system would have to be overthrown and replaced with a more just and advanced one, starting a new phase: Marx considered the Fall of the Roman Empire (transition from individual slavery to land-based feudalism) and the revolutions of the 19th century (transition from feudalism to industrial capitalism) to be the moments when such a transition occurred. He believed that capitalism was rapidly approaching its own collapse and replacement.

The new social order, Marx believed, would be collectivist, atheist and classless: as industrial production required people to work together on a large scale, so too would the new system of government. The new society would start out more authoritarian (socialism) before its government would eventually dissolve (communism proper). The economy would be controlled by the workers rather than by individual shareholders, competition would be discouraged in favor of a more cooperative and collective-oriented mindset, and religion (which Marx considered an obsolete "opiate of the masses"- although contrary to popular belief he did not actually oppose its existence) would fade away when it was no longer needed to distract people from the poor conditions they lived in. Most importantly, the new order would end the traditional state of affairs in which one class dominated all others through its control of the means of production and allow for true equality and prosperity for everyone.

However, Marx and Engels never gave a clear outline of how such a society could be created or what it would look like, and the first one to put it into practice on a national scale (Vladimir Lenin) gave it a distinctly authoritarian spin which only got worse with Stalin. It should not be surprising that even in Marx's own time there were many opposing views of how a communist society would be created and maintained.

As a whole, most forms of Marxism are highly skeptical of liberal democracy (albeit supportive of the democratic process itself and direct democracy in particular), as it is considered to be corrupt and easily manipulated by the wealthy; similarly, they dismiss the process of slow reform advocated by social democratic ideology as a mass of half-measures that do more to preserve a broken system than they do to replace it. In its place, communists propose the "dictatorship of the proletariat". Before you jump to conclusions, Marx considered all forms of government to be a form of dictatorship in that one class held absolute power over all others; in this case, the class in question would be the workers, who would use the innately authoritarian power of the state to ensure that a worker-controlled democratic decision-making process would not be opposed by reactionary elements attempting to re-establish the old order. According to Marx, this dictatorship would last only long enough to eliminate the differences between classes- as the state's existence is due to said class differences, this would eventually lead the state to dissolve when it was no longer needed.

Marx himself wrote little about how this would function or how it would come into being, presumably because he believed that it would be up to the workers to decide that. As mentioned above, this would unintentionally give a lot of people an opportunity to present their personal take on it as ''the'' way communism would be achieved, and by that time Marx was too dead to disagree.

In Leninism, Marxism-Leninism, and their offshoots, the dictatorship of the proletariat takes form of the "vanguard party", consisting of the most "class-conscious" individuals. This party would be given near-absolute power over society and economy, so that transition towards socialism and eventually communism would proceed properly. As such, most communist states using the Marxist-Leninist model have been dictatorships, headed either by charismatic despots (Stalin, Mao Zedong), or by the party oligarchy (modern China, late USSR). While other forms of Communism exist that do not follow the vanguard party model, they are too lacking in influence to have ever been implemented on a national scale so we can't really say what they'd be like. It should also be noted that Marx and Engels themselves doubted the idea that a small revolutionary party could represent the will of the working class, an idea originally espoused by one of his contemporaries.

The major flaw in Communist ideology is that its economic theories simply cannot be translated into the real world (as of this writing at least). For all the bullshit and genuine problems that happen in the free market (or its corporation-dominated American form, at any rate), it still has the advantage of being able to rapidly adapt to changing economic demands. Centrally planned economies on the other hand (Other types of planned economies exist too, but they are much less common and tend to exist on smaller scales so we can't really tell how well they'd work on a national level, let alone an international one. They do seem to function surprisingly well on a regional/municipal scale though, especially those which are decentralized and use only a minimum of top-down authority.) not only fail to adapt in the same way, but don't even live up to Marx's ideals (e.g. the right not to be reduced to "a cog in the machine", the focus on bottom-up organization, etc.). At best, they provide short-term bursts of productivity at the expense of long-term economic decline.

Even in an ideal universe where the bureaucracy running a centrally planned economy wasn't corrupt or inept, the technology to monitor and plan any sort of national economy has yet to be invented and what we have now can't keep track of everything well enough to make it work; the average economy is incredibly complex and not even the most advanced computers that currently exist can predict every possible variable that might effect how the economy functions (let alone predict the long term effects of a plan), so mistakes will inevitably occur and snowball with dangerous consequences. As a result, a centrally planned economy invariably destroys the countries in which it is attempted due to drop of quality in consumer products, and eventually, food sources. It gets even worse when you factor in the further increased complexity demanded by globalization. Technological advancements in the future might be able to mitigate this issue or even solve it outright, but they may not happen for a very long time.

That being said, mixed economies combining elements of communism and capitalism (e.g. Keynesianism and the "Nordic Model") have consistently proven to be more effective than either lassiez-faire capitalism or centrally-planned communism. As mentioned above, these mixed economies are typically viewed by socialists to be more closely related to capitalism than communism, and most of them believe that the welfare systems they depend on are likely to be privatized in the absence of a stronger shift away from a capitalist economy. Only time will tell if their assessment is correct.

Furthermore, Communist governments tend to move away from the tenets of Marx and Engels in an attempt to force their ideas to work in situations they were never intended to function in. Marx believed that the shift to socialism and then communism could '''only''' work in an advanced industrial society with an established working class and that any attempt to make it happen before that point was doomed to backfire; Lenin got around this by claiming that he could "telescope" the capitalist and socialist revolutions into a single event with the aid of the aforementioned vanguard party and proposing an alliance with the Russian peasantry to compensate for the undeveloped presence of the working class. Even then, Lenin tentatively allowed a shift back to private ownership for the Kulaks just so the Soviet economy could get back on its feet, before Stalin purged them all as class enemies and triggered a widespread famine (which many historians suspect was intentional on Stalin's part).

Mao Zedong took this to an even further extreme by forcing the revolution in the primarily agrarian China and then trying to kick-start industrialization with the "Great Leap Forward". It was a total failure for several different reasons, and Mao's hamfisted attempt to retain control of the Communist Party afterwards gave rise to the Cultural Revolution and all the bloodshed that came with it. Somewhat like Lenin, Mao's successor Deng Xiaoping ended up implementing capitalist policies (while leaving all the other oppressive elements intact) in response to the earlier economic crises, and while it did salvage the economy it also ended up producing a system that arguably combines the worst qualities of both capitalism and communism that survives only by constant pandering to nationalist sentiments.

Because of the legacy of the Cold War and everything mentioned above, mass famines among numerous communist countries, and widespread human rights abuses from the regimes of communist leaders, there's good reason Stalin is occasionally put on equal footing with Hitler in terms of evilness. Even the forms of communism that originated independently of the Leninist traditions are generally poorly regarded at best.

=== Note ===
It also is notable that Communist is often used as a dismissive snarl in modern first world politics against the left wing, even when actual Stalinist-style communists (or "tankies" as other communists and socialists call them) are a small minority on the fringes. There is also a distinction between Revolutionary Communists like the Bolsheviks and the Democratic Socialists such as the German SPD, which believe that the transition to socialism and then communism does not necessarily require an outright revolution and can be implemented through peaceful means. Ironically, it is the latter that more closely resembles classical Marxism. Democratic socialism in turn is not to be confused with social democracy, which is form of liberal democracy whose capitalist economic system is paired with regulation and social welfare programs to mitigate the excesses of capitalism (with varying degrees of success).

==Communism in Traditional Games==
In general there are three ways communism is used in fiction and board games:

1: '''''FILTHY GODLESS RED BASTARDS''''': Dangerous, faceless enemies, ripped straight from the wettest dreams of the Cold War-era American John Birch society. These communists are the enemy; a vast, brutal, godless horde determined to take over the world that our heroes must resist. Nowadays, this attitude is usually played for comedy, as in ''[[Paranoia]]'' where Friend Computer's glitched-out personality has made it a paranoid wreck obsessed with a largely-imaginary adversary (while creating some actual communists in the process). By the way, if you want an example of literal CommuNazis, the East German Stasi are a good place to start, although the Nazi part is mostly aesthetic and the Communist ideology is what was dominant.

2: '''Champions of the Proletariat''': The other side of the coin to what is listed above. These are either rebels against corrupt corporate overlords (frequently cyberpunk heroes) or a body of workers and soldiers fighting against fascist invaders (any game from the Russian perspective in WWII will count). Occasionally this show up in Medieval settings as anachronistic peasant revolts or other politically-radical types out to pull down the social parts of [[Medieval Stasis]].

3: '''GLORIOUS COMMUNISTS''': Somewhere between the other two and generally played for laughs. Communist regimes are oppressive and ponderous, but also able to do great things through sheer force of Industrial Might, Soviet Super Science, Stalinist Architecture and Will-Of-The-People and can be heroic just as easily as villainous. See Red Alert-II and III, and to a lesser extent a few parts of the [[Imperium of Man]]. As close to real communism as you can get, comrade.

Communism has also provided us with the Russian army, which is an awesome gaming resource and reference, either in a drunken, drown-your-enemies-with-bodies-and-artillery sort of way (World War II), or a send-in-the-hardened-and-manly-Spetsnaz-and-tanks way (Cold War). It is a sacred law of [[/tg/]] alternate history [[/tg/'s homebrews|homebrew]] settings that there must be at least one communist faction and it must control at least 50% of the world's total landmass. Even [[Warmachine| Khador]] draws on the imagery of the Soviet armed forces, despite being more analogous to Tsarist/Imperialist Russia politically, aside from their Manifest Destiny "Why can't everyone else just roll over and let us conquer them?!" ideology that has... [[Nazi| other roots]].

Like all radical ideologies, communists are all over [[Shadowrun|the Sixth World]], mostly among the poor and disenfranchised who can't help looking up at the big fancy megacorp enclaves and wondering how ''that'' makes any kind of just sense. The Berlin Flux State was probably the biggest and most successful anarcho-communist enclave in-setting for a while, before it became such an embarrassment to the megacorps insisting they should be the only game in town that many of them (including the one run by the great dragon Lofwyr) had it dismantled somewhere around second or third edition.

People like to call the [[Tau]] communist. There's ''some'' truth to that, given they're a highly-collective society that generally values group achievement over personal accomplishment, but they're also a largely class-stratified society, with only the assurance that their leaders are theoretically cooperating for the [[Greater Good]] to keep them from being out-and-out feudalists with castes. This system is actually very similar to Italian and Spanish ''[[Nazi|fascism]]'', where the economy was split between several large trade-based corporations, where the workers and the bourgeoisie were supposed to talk out their issues together (under the benevolent guidance of the party elites of course).

There was also the [[Gretchin Revolutionary Committee]], a parody of the kinds of communist guerrillas of previous decades, who are armed grots out to demand equal treatment from their Ork masters with comical results. The Imperium, being a decentralized feudalistic empire, undoubtedly has many worlds that have communist governing bodies and economies, and maybe even a few where things worked out okay.

[[Pathfinder Roleplaying Game|Golarion]] has got a semi-hemi-demi communist nation in-setting: Galt, land of insane, constant revolution where the only winners are the ''final blades''. It represents the "messy revolutionary" kind of communism rather than any of the three flavors above, though there's some obvious mixing with the principals of the French Revolution that was its more-direct inspiration.

The [[Harpers]] of Faerun are semi-communists in outlook. They strongly favor removing power from single governments and shifting leadership to individual communities. This can make them heroic when unseating despots but significantly less so when assassinating anyone who tries to unite the city-states.

[[Khador]] in Warmachine takes the Glorious Soviet Russia identity and wears it like a badge, even though its actual government resembles Tzarist Russia.

''[[Star Trek]]'' is complicated. On the one hand, the Federation has essentially a communist economy, but their advanced technology has created a post-scarcity economy, so it can be interpreted that the producers thought this would be a natural product of a society where everybody was self-sufficient. Conversely, their chief rivals, the Klingons and the Romulans, are transparent analogues of the USSR and Maoist China seen through the pre-détente eyes of an American lounge lizard. Similar post-scarcity communists are common in ''[[Eclipse Phase]]'', though with a much stronger anarchist bent. They are largely and uncomplicatedly perfect due to the game designers' raging stiffy for that kind of thing.

Any WWII or quasi-WWII game worth its salt will have a communist faction, including the classic ''[[Axis & Allies]]'' and the modern wargame ''[[Flames of War]]''. Additionally, many classic board games have attempted to tap into the forty-five year struggle for dominance between America and the communists. The most famous and best is probably ''[[Twilight Struggle]]''. [[TSR]] also released an RPG set during the Cold War called ''[[Top Secret]]'', though, like most non-''D&D'' TSR products, no one under thirty-five has ever heard of it.

{{BLAM|This article has been marked as containing treasonous capitalist road sentiments. Please report to your local commissariat for re-education through labor.}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:AK-47.jpg|Glorious Soviet Industries could be used to produce huge numbers of reliable and effective things which are still in high demand after a half a century...
File:Lada 1200.jpg|...Their cars are not on that list.
File:Communism and the NTS Fallacy.png|Communism as understood by someone who thinks all communists are Stalinists ([[Rip and Tear|not mentioned: those that claim the kulaks deserved it]]).
File:Space marine commie.jpg| Do your duty comrade
File: Stalin space marine.jpg| This is how World War II actually went
File: Space marine revolution.jpg| What these dorks think they look like
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* [[Imperium of Man]] as it too was based on a revolutionary progressive ideal that gave way to despotism, with the big question being if this was a natural consequence of the ideal or a complete perversion.
* Come to think of it, most failed utopian societies that /tg/ loves probably borrowed from the history of Soviet Russia in some way, especially from the revolutionary to Stalinist era.

[[category:Not related]]
[[Category:history]]

Japan

2020-09-19T09:12:56Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: Senkaku islands, anyone?

[[image:Japan-2107x1406.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Beneath the mountain. Cherry trees are blossoming forth.
My soul is at peace.]]
{{topquote|Japan is not a place which can be controlled by foreigners, for the Japanese are neither so weak nor so stupid a race as to permit this, and the King of Spain neither had nor ever could have any power or jurisdiction here.| Alessandro Valignano}}
'''Nippon''' or '''Nihon''', known to foreigners as Wa, Yamatai, Jipon, Riben, Zipangu (plus a thousand spelling variants of that) and (most commonly nowadays) '''Japan''' is a country. It is a series of several thousand islands, the exact number of which depends both on the definition of "island" (minimum size) and if you ask them, or either the Russians or the Chinese. Despite the many islands, most of the population is centered on four main ones (Hokkaido, Honshu, Kyushu and Shikoku). It is nominally an [[Empire]], but of the past thousand years an Emperor has held power beyond figurehead for less than 80 of them. [[Samurai]], [[Ninja]], [[Oni]], [[Tengu]], and [[Kitsune]] originate here. The most common religions (and those most likely to have analogs in a fantasy setting) are Shinto, various types of Buddhism and a Christian minority. Unlike many countries, the two major religions aren't entirely mutually exclusive, though no one would outright list their religion as "multiple". It is often said that the Japanese are born Shinto, marry Christian, and die Buddhist. Native systems include ''[[Maid RPG]]'', ''[[Record of Lodoss War]]'', ''[[Queen's Blade]]'', and ''[[Zettai Reido]]'' as well as the CCGs ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'' and ''[[Fire Emblem|Fire Emblem Cipher]]''. The most popular game within the country however is, of all things, [[Call of Cthulhu]]. The manga [[Quick Start!!]] is also worth a mention.

== Japanese History ==

Japan's history geographically spans several million years and thousands nationally/culturally, but most fiction (even native stuff) and /tg/ only care about the following periods starting at the fairly late 1467. (with occasional rare forays into the Heian period).

*'''Heian Period''' (794-1185) - During this period, a distinctly Japanese culture started developing from the earlier Chinese Tang-influenced one. It is considered as somewhat of a high-point of Japan as culture and the imperial court were at their peak, though the shape of things to come could already be seen as the real power rested in the hands of the Fujiwara clan. Its end ushered the familiar fare of clans jockeying for the position of the shogun and thus true power in Japan.

*'''Sengoku Period''' (~1467-1603) - A succession crisis over who will become the next shogun, the man who really held power in Japan. Eventually devolves into everyone wanting the pie for himself. While this era lasted for almost 250 years, most only care about the last 40 (1560 onward) or so, when defacto unifier Oda Nobunaga began his rise to power and enough Europeans visited to document the happenings as a neutral enough third party. Everything before this is regarded as a bunch of stalemates for the most part. Gun spam was popular at the last part of this era, leading to the country having more guns per capita than anywhere else in the world at the time and the development of tactics that would last up till the introduction of the metallic cartridge. Near the end of the conflict one of the largest powers led an invasion of the Korean peninsula which ended in a stalemate and withdrawal (since these forces had more important things to do back home). Both sides are still butthurt about it to this day, especially thanks to the repeat during World War II.

*'''Edo Period''' (1603-1868) - After the reunification of the land a long period of peace ensued. A few decades into this however a brief Christian rebellion led to the expulsion of foreigners and began the sakoku ("closed state") dictate where minimal outside trade occurred. However, there was still some progress during the seclusion - agricultural tech got advanced and the population markedly increased, Japanese intellectuals like Motoori Norinaga began pondering what it meant to be truly Japanese (apparently it was haiku) and the trade with the Dutch at Nagasaki slowly introduced western learning and science to Japan. This seclusion would last till July 8th 1853 when an American fleet led by Commodore Matthew Perry arrived in Edo to forcibly reopen trade. This set off a widespread division and panic in the government on what to do.

*'''Meiji Period''' (1868-1912) - In 1868-1869 the boy who would become known as Emperor Meiji took advantage of this panic to seize power back from the shogunate in a relatively short and bloodless war. Under his rule the country would refuse to bend over and become a colony like many primitive nations at the time had. It quickly modernized, abolished the caste system, replacing the samurai with a conscript army, and became a world power onto itself. The era is generally seen as a time when the western influences were at odds with Japanese traditions, many of which were perceived as backwards only to be glorified again a few decades later. In 1894-95 Japan would crush China in the Sino-Japanese war and establish itself as the dominant power in Asia. 1904-1905 they would crush Russia in a totally unexpected victory, something that ''really'' got them noticed. The era ended with Meiji's death in 1912.

*'''Taishō Period''' (1912-1926) - The rule of his son till 1926. Largely seen as a period of stability following the rapid change of the Meiji era. This period is also seen as a time when Japan was experimenting with democracy, seeing the rise of a number of political parties that would eventually be pushed to near-irrelevance once the army junta took sufficient hold on power. The country's entry into World War I is the main thing of note here. During the war the Japanese navy dominated the pacific. This showed the victory in the Russo-Japanese war wasn't a fluke scared the shit out of the rest of the world. Also, Einstein visited Japan in 1922 during his world tour and liked it (especially the women).

*'''Shōwa Period''' (1926-1989) - The rule of ''his'' son. Best known for the country's role in World War II. The politics became increasingly influenced by the military and the "evil customs" of the past (aka. Shinto, Samurai and Bushido) returned in a forceful but arguably corrupted manner. While this era would last up till the Emperor's death in 1989, the Emperor was reduced to a figurehead after the country's defeat in 1945 (and it's debatable if he was more than a puppet for the past several years before that). Thanks to the US needing a bulkhead against communist China and the industriousness of the people, Japan recovered quickly and sprang up to be the second most powerful economy on the planet before crony capitalism and financial speculation brought it all down in the 90s.

*'''Post-War Shōwa, Heisei and Reiwa periods''' (1926-20XX) - Beyond this Japan is just another first-world country for /tg/ purposes. The two most acute issues Japan is facing are the demographic decline and the threat of rising China. Very little non-native fiction has modern Japan as it's primary setting, though it is a stock foreign destination. Japan is however a relatively high priority country for games set in the "real world but..." to explain the differences from reality of. The exception is the [[Cyberpunk]] genre, where Japan dominates the world culturally and financially since at the time of the genre's origins it was believed that Japan would achieve ''economic'' conquest of the world in the future and despite the Lost Decade and other economic setbacks it remains as a tradition of the genre.

== Japanese Culture ==
Japan has, over the span of almost 2000 years, developed an unique blend of Chinese, Korean and (most recently) Western culture, mixed with their own stuff on top of THAT. There is no single defining characteristic that can describe it, but important elements are - honor, dedication to what one does, family/clan, industriousness and hierarchy. Some of these, such as emphasis on honor and family have been somewhat eroded by modern times, but others like loyalty to one's family/clan/corporation and deference to authority/hierarchy still endure.

One particularity of the Japanese culture is how its language was adapted to the social hierarchy. Japanese language has "politeness levels" - different ways of pronunciation and speaking reserved for those both above and below you on the social ladder. Though in itself complex, the levels can be roughly divided into 3 categories - how you'd speak to your junior/trainee/younger sibling, your equal/coworker/brother&sister and your superiors/bosses/parents&grandparents. At its core it's not that dissimilar form how you'd speak in English in a western setting (you wouldn't address your boss like you would your friend and vice-versa).

== Japanese Religion, Gods and Mythology ==
''see also: [[Mythology#Japanese_Mythology|Mythology]]''

Japanese people have always had a tendency to assimilate stuff from other cultures, most notably China and Korea. Their religion reflect this as they can be said to have "2+1" traditional religions - Shintoism, Buddhism and Christianity. Shintoism is the oldest and effectively the true native religion, being a blend of animism (meaning that all objects & creatures have a spiritual essence and worship is tied to specific places where said spirits reside) and nature/ancestor worship. Buddhism was introduced in 6th century from Korea and tended to blend with Shinto. Christianity is the youngest of the three, having been introduced by St. Francis Xavier in 16th century, it flourished for a time but a combination of distrust, European intrigues and peasant rebellions had the authorities ban it until the late 19th century.

== Japanese Magic ==
Japanese have their own traditional form of magic and it can be grouped in two broad categories.

The first one is ''Kotodama'' or "soul of language" and it is basically using the true-name type of magic to the extreme. Using specific sounds, it was believed that one could influence objects, environment, body and the soul itself.

The second comes in the form of Japanese witches. Unlike western ones which were said to derive their powers form the Devil, the Japanese breed gained their prowess form forming pacts with fox familiars. Once a fox was bribed (oftentimes promised a steady supply of food and shelter) it would confer to their witch/wizard many powers, usually related to trickery and subterfuge. A fox could turn invisible and used for spying, create illusions to trick their enemies and most feared of all - posses another human being and make them do their bidding. While lone foxes being aided were often benevolent, if one was employed by a human, they were almost always used for nefarious purposes.

== Self Defense Force ==
After World War II, Japan was hated and feared by the allied powers, and unlike West Germany it was not seen as a critical barrier to Soviet invasion. As such Japan was forced to adopt a constitution that prohibited an army, navy or air force and renounced the right to belligerency. As the Cold War heated up, NATO realized Japan ''was'' critical to preventing Communist dominance of the Pacific. Accordingly Japan was able to exploit a loophole and create a "self defense force" that was an army in all but name. Said Self-Defense Force, as the name implies, has full authority to deal with domestic threats like terrorists and pirates threatening Japanese shipping, but any sort of offensive or overseas actions are more rigidly controlled and require the cooperation of the United States, per the bilateral security treaty.

While not the latest tech, the JSDF's equipment is absolutely modern and contains plenty of armored vehicles. Their main rifle is the Type 89, a pretty straightforward AR-18 variant that uses STANAG (M16) magazines. Unlike the British AR-18 variant, the Type 89 actually works since 1: They had the original AR-18 specs (Howa was previously subcontractor for manufacturing the AR-18) instead of a crude copy by people who never used a firearm before 2: It wasn't built by workers who knew they were going to be fired immediately afterwards. Improvements like free-floating and optics mounting are considered, but budgetary concerns prevent adoption. In December 2019 it was announced such an upgrade would finally be adopted after winning a trial, but if that will actually occur is unknown.

By the number, the Maritime Self Defense Force is at worst a match for the Russian Federation's pacific fleet, though would be heavily outnumbered if the arctic fleet or Baltic fleet reinforced them (reinforcements from the black fleet however are unlikely). While it has no aircraft carriers (Not too surprising since only the US, French, Italian, British, Spanish, Russian, Chinese and Indian navies have them. The Chinese and Indians bought them from the Soviets when they went bust. Italy and Britain with 2 each and the US with 11 are the only ones with more than one, unless you count smaller countries like Australia that have [[Original character, do not steal|helicopter carriers]]), the JMSDF has a pair of "helicopter destroyers" that were quite clearly designed with a conversion or variant that carries fixed wing aircraft in mind. The obviously intended conversion of one of these into a proper aircraft carrier was announced in December of 2018 and caused more than a bit of butt-hurt in Korea.

By the same post-war Constitution, Japan is expressly forbidden from having nuclear weapons, and their history with them makes the vast majority of the population OK with that. They do however have a large nuclear power industry and a space program, so there's no doubt they could easily make some and ICBMs to go with it if they wanted to.

==Japan Analogs in Fantasy==
* [[Nippon]] of [[Warhammer Fantasy]]
* The [[Tau Empire]] of [[Warhammer 40000]]
* Kozakura and Wa of [[Kara-Tur]]
* Jinin, The Forest of Spirits and Minkai of [[Golarion]]. Less direct analogs in the setting include Shokuro, Shenmen, and Chu Ye.
* [[Kamigawa]] of [[Magic the Gathering]]
* [[Rokugan]] from [[Legend of the Five Rings]], though while culturally Japanese it takes great influence from many other Asian cultures.

==Why living in Japan sucks==
Despite what [[Weeaboo]]s would have you believe, living in Japan stinks. Not only do they still treat minorities like shit, but their police force is also worse than any western nation you can name and are utterly corrupt. A 99%+ conviction rate is impossible without at least a quarter of that being false testimonies. In Japan everything is expensive and just about everyone is underpaid, as this is what happens when you fetishize a business culture and without a bunch of crappy books written as fetish fuel by some Russian whore.

Like Meat? Love Taco Bell or Hamburgers? Too bad, it costs way too much. Want to buy mecha models, figures or BluRay discs from your favorite anime? [[Rage|That too, is overpriced]]. Remember when we said that people are underpaid? Well, your favorite mango and animu artists are as well and are working themselves to death, for what barely counts as minimum wage. The idiots over 50 in the Diet and elsewhere than wonder why their birthrate is falling. The obvious answer is that if young people don't have money to own a home, they're not going to give a flying shit about making babies. Hell, the people who ''do'' want to start families oftentimes find that they can't do the nasty because they're still living with their parents and the walls are paper-thin (sometimes [[wikipedia:shoji|literally]]), so there's a whole industry of "love hotels" just so couples can actually find a place to do it.

Additionally they were never 'de-imperialised' the same way the Germans were 'denazified' following the WWII, which goes some way to explain why the Chinese and both Koreas still hold grudges from the second world war (despite the South Koreans and Japan sharing a <s>sugar daddy</s> powerful ally in the form of the United States), in a way that the Germany and Israel do not. If you have an older family member over the age of 50, they may still hold a grudge about this as well. Oddly enough, Taiwan does not care that as much since it would rather focus its hate against the mainland communists and many have good memories of the island's modernization under Japan.

And on top of all that is the fact that you are one of two nations that tend to get a front-row seat to the nuclear saber-rattling between the North Koreans and the Americans. Indeed, due to World War II grudges, those sabers are often rattled at you. Additionally having so many US bases means that if something ever does start between the US and China, you are going to have a front row seat to that "World War III push here to start button" even if you rather not. (Doesn't help that China holds grudges like a dwarf and while they may not want to attack their third largest trading partner, they won't shed any tears if they have to regardless of whether or not the U.S maintains a presence on your islands)

You don't have to live in Japan just because you love the country/culture, but if you absolutely must, be prepared for a lot of grueling language study (Japanese have 3 alphabets and roughly 3 "politeness levels" that you must learn to properly nativise). Also, you better have an income of about 4-5k $ per month if you hope to live in one of the bigger cities and at least 7-8k$ if you plan on having a family. One often tried way to get in is by becoming an English teacher but for that you need college-level education and special training, because if there is one thing even detractors of Japan must admit it that they are DEAD serious about the quality of their education.

Overall: Japan has issues, not insurmountable ones nor one totally unique to it, but they are perhaps more exacerbated then most other developed nations and certainly not helped by the Geopolitics of the region.

[[Category: History]]

Commissar

2020-09-19T08:39:00Z

2A02:1811:5180:A200:F9DE:4C2A:97C5:A039: Fuck off back to /pol/