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Gideon Ravenor

2018-08-17T19:12:02Z

2A02:587:3A12:6900:4D37:3817:75A4:92DE:

{{Template:Spoilers}}
[[Image:Ravenor-omnibus.jpg|thumb|The titular character is a chair. This would not be a very interesting cover, so they went with a suitably [[GRIMDARK]] logo instead.]]
One of the few prominent [[Alienhunters]] we've actually seen, Inquisitor Ravenor of the Ordos Xenos is a motherfucking badass who got strapped to a force chair after some Chaos punk burnt the shit out of him on Thracian Primaris. But that's (mostly) okay, since Ravenor was a powerful psychic, and only got stronger when he was locked into the chair; and it being Inquisition hardware, it has all sorts of extras built in. He's also a paranoid ass who gets suspicious of an innocent (if psychic) boy just because his name ''sounds somewhat similar'' to Slyte, the daemon who possessed his drug addict interrogator. Ravenor is actually the second trilogy in a trilogy of trilogies (Eisenhorn, Ravenor, Bequin). It's written by [[Dan Abnett]] so you know its fuckawsome.

He began his service as an Interrogator under [[Gregor Eisenhorn]], but got promoted to Inquisitor and was an incredibly powerful psyker even before his ass got immolated. Not to mention he was an incredibly gifted warrior as well as apparently -fucking handsome- (basically seduced a space-amazon with a mixture of being a legit badass with a sword and aforementioned handsomeness). His psychic abilities naturally developed with age, experience and increased use after his immobilisation.

He fights the Eldar, allies with the Eldar, and fights the Eldar. It's a weird, twisted love affair. [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]] reads and often quotes his works.

Unfortunately, Ravenor shines much more as an intellectual sherlock and leader than as a psyker, which is kinda ironic given that's kinda of supposed to be his shtick. Despite being talked up (both by others and himself) as being a monstrously, invincibly powerful psyker as a result of his condition, the most impressive things we actually see Ravenor do are go incorporeal and possessing people. Every psi-duel Ravenor gets into over the course of the books, he loses, having to either run away or be bailed out by somebody. Granted, one could argue that every psi-duel we see Ravenor get into is against foes more powerful than him, but that's the problem right there. We never see him confidently show off the supremacy he's supposed to have. Just once it would've been nice to see Ravenor casually turn some wannabe unsanctioned psyker inside-out, or get put through his paces by someone powerful, but ultimately win with his superior skill. Hell, the ''villain'' psykers are allowed to do that. But nope, not Ravenor, and he ends up looking just a bit toothless as a result, especially when compared to old Eisenhorn, who was almost always perfectly capable of doing all his own ass-kicking. Just goes to show that even the mighty Abnett is not entirely above dropping the ball.

==Dramatis Personae==
Ravenor is basically Professor X in Space, and his retinue consist of the basic fanservice, fuck-ups, and Fett-clones that you'd expect from an X-Men knock off (especially that shitty phase in the 90s when they forgot they were a Civil Rights allegory and fought aliens and space wizards):

* The previously mentioned interrogator and sidekick, Carl Thonius, possessed and eventually destroyed by Slyte. SPOILER ALERT He didn't do shit anyway, and acted like a hacker in a universe of sword-and-pistol combat. Barring that thing involving the glue, the grenade, and the dreadnought. Described as a 'pussy' THREE times in the first chapter he is in.
* Wystan Frauka, a porno-reading pothead pariah and psychic blank (untouchable). He also fat and horrible, and used to scare the shit out of Eldar witches. Equipped with standard issue erotic novels and brass balls.
* Kara Swole, a voluptuous acrobat(even though "voluptuous" bodies aren't really good for acrobatics. This is, however, pointed out more than once) who fucks an old Imperial Guard doctor.
* Patience Kys, a sexy pale flavoured telekinetic chick who wants to fuck Ravenor even though he's a gross burn victim in a coffin. It helps that he rescued her from a corrupt orphanage when she was a child - no wait, that just means she wants to fuck an old gross burn victim in a coffin that's also a FATHER FIGURE.
* Harlon Nayl, an old bounty hunter with shit ton of equipment (over 100 points! OH NOES) who fucks a girl that looks like Inquisitor Boxy's dead ex-girlfriend. He won't fucking die and used to work for [[Gregor Eisenhorn]].
* Zeph Mathurian, another ex-bounty hunter, the Silent Bob to Harlon's Jay, with a rotator cannon mounted on his forearms. He was killed by a daemon [[Meme|and then Zeph was a zombie.]]
* Zael Efferneti, That boy above, also addicted to drugs and a fine line of Italian sports cars. He is a 'mirror,' able to hear telepathy but not use it himself, and can copy and spam the psychic powers of those around him. Like a fucking X-Man. That little twat then took every level of badass possible and then later became [[Hyperion|a fucking Grey Knight]] with some help from Inquisitor Lilith and destroyed Angron's Black Blade during the First War for Armageddon. That's pretty much as big as service to the throne gets.
* Maud Plyton, an ex-Magistrum marshall, a hardass with adorable little facial features. Has a nice car and is claustrophobic.
* Cynia Preest, captain of the ''Hinterlight'', Ravenor's primary ship. Has no combat abilities making her kind of a pussy. Her description puts her as kind of hot but super old '200+ years old'
* Patrik Belknap - ex-Guard medic with balls of steel and super-faith, now back alley doctor. Loves the [[Emprah]]. Saves Kara's life via surgery and then gets to fuck her.
* Sholto Unwerth, another captain of another ship, the Arethusa. Starts off annoying but soon everyone grows to love him. Is actually a [[Squat]]. Which is weird, because if Squats were eaten by [[Tyranids]] and Tyranids weren't around yet in Ravenor's time...). Also has a dog-man sidekick/bodyguard.
* Already a powerful telepath (he has been described as "between high-level delta and low-level gamma" and an "Alpha plus psyker" at different times), Inquisitor Boxy-Burny makes his followers wear wraithbone pendants so he can possess their bodies in a process called "waring" that makes his host sick and dizzy, but Ravenor at the helm can do ridiculous Matrix bullshit.

=='''Villains'''==
Note: This list will only contain the BIG villains of the series. As it stands, there are a LOT of villains. Most not worth mentioning.

'''Zygmunt Molotch''' - The Moriarty to Raveneor's Sherlock. Trained by a special Chaos school (Literally. It trained people to be the bestest heretics ever), Zygmunt Molotch is a gigantic [[Mary Sue]]. He was "killed" by Ravenor twice before the series, and does some pretty ridiculous stuff in the books. Examples include hypnotizing someone with tiny finger movements, taking out an entire Inquisitorial hit squad ALONE, beating an armed Carthaen Swordswoman (pretty much the best swordspeople in the galaxy) one on one UNNARMED, and other feats. He even has a signature move. With a literal flick of his finger against your arm, your gun will go flying away. He is NOT a psyker, but is very knowledgeable on Chaos lore and rituals.

'''Orfeo Culzean''' - A "fascilitator". Basically someone who is smart enough to not be a complete balls-out heretic but able enough to help them with their rituals and any trouble-shooting that may be needed, hence his eventual involvement with Molotch. Orfeo collects trinkets he calles "deodands", basically whenever someone dies on accident, he takes the thing that caused their death and enshrines it as an object of fate (such as a slippery stone that caused someone to fall down a flight of stairs and break their neck). He's fat, but suave, intelligent, and surprisingly charming. Next time you read his parts, imagine him as John Rhys-Davies. It's awesome.

'''Leyla Slade''' - Orfeo's bodyguard. She's surprisingly disdainful of Molotch, his schemes, and other heresies, but extremely loyal to Orfeo.

''' Lucius Worna''' - A bounty hunter that has worked with Nayl in the past, and possibly a renegade Space Marine. He wears pearl-coloured power armor and is FUCKHUEG. Luckily for him, he isn't wearing a helmet, which lets his badassery shine through (and causes somewhat of a problem later). Completely and utterly ruthless and literally only in it for the money (and maybe some revenge on Nayl). He's pretty much the most unkillable bastard in the history of the Imperium, taking grenades, knives, bullets, lasers, ACID, fire, and a fucking lightning strike like a boss.

='''Overall Plot'''=

[[Image:Champs.jpg|thumb|right|600px|The Champ AND the President, ARE HERE!!! Everyone else, such as Roman Reigns/Brock Lesnar/Undertaker AND Trump/Obama/Reagan, are PHONIES!!!]]

[[Image:GiotaTsirouFaceboook.jpg|left|thumb|600px|Giota Tsirou, a 200 pound girl of short stature displaying unrivaled hotness!]]

Inquisitor Gideon Ravenor, who in his interrogator days had an unfortunate run-in with an exploding Lightning fighter and got burned to a charred lump of meat, is now confined to a floating life-support chair. However, this does not prevent him from being an awesome psyker, and the book opens to him and his group of hardasses investigating a rogue trader cartel supplying the populace with warp-tainted superdrugs. After picking up the tweaking child psyker Zael on the capital world, they chase the leader halfway across the subsector, during which time Thonius loses an arm and gets all angsty despite it being reattached. It turns out all their leads were a trap and the cartel almost drives their ship into the local sun, but the traders conveniently forget about half the group, and the inquisitor's employees manage to retake the ship and blow the shit out of the cartel leader.

Suddenly everything gets more complicated: The drugs were just a side operation, and Ravenor finds out the cartel's real purpose is to smuggle abandoned Imperial machinery off daemon worlds and onto the subsector's capital world. The highest levels of subsector government have some sort of sneaky secret agenda, so Ravenor and his group covertly head to the capital world to try and unravel all of this nonsense. Somewhere along the way, Thonius dumbassedly tries to cure his angst with leftover warp drugs, with predictable results. They also have a run-in with Eisenhorn, now a million years old and still chilling with Cherubael, who reminds them how fucking badass he is and warns them of a daemon manifestation that's likely to occur in someone close to Ravenor within the next few months. Who could this be, really.

When they get to the capital world, they have to deal with both a cult trying to help the aforementioned daemon make his appearance, and various government officials working on a secret project to decode a pre-human language, Enuncia, that will allow them to royally screw up reality with a simple sentence. The Chaos-tainted machinery provided by the cartel allows them to translate the language without their equipment blowing up. In the meantime, the local Department of Special Crimes uncover a diagram hidden in a false ceiling in an Imperial temple. Immediately afterward, their division is promptly shut down by a higher level of the police force, and all the members are assassinated except the one that escapes, Maud Plyton, who vows to get to the bottom of this shit.

Around this time, Ravenor's cover is blown and Thonius has a really bad trip and (surprise, surprise) becomes the host for the daemon, Slyte. He keeps it a secret like a dumbass (seeing a theme here?). Patience Kys gets captured while working undercover in the Administratum, and the government nasties hire a man to send a daemon and a bunch of psykers after the inquisitor himself. Nayl is out dicking around and Kara is busy making moon-eyes at some doctor named Belknap, leaving Mathuin and Thonius to defend Ravenor from the attack. Mathuin unloads his rotator cannon on the daemon and stabs it in the chest for good measure, but gets killed anyway. Thonius, being a useless metrosexual, hides upstairs with Zael. However, Slyte takes over his body, kills all the psykers, boosts Ravenor's power so he can kill the daemon, and renders Zael comatose with fear. Somehow, Ravenor still does not suspect Thonius at this point (he suspects Zael).

Patience then escapes from the prison after a fanservice-based fight, and Nayl and Kara finally remember they have important things to do, and regroup, scooping up Plyton along the way, who fills in the gaps in their understanding of the governor's plans. It turns out the entire capital city was designed by a mad architect to channel warp energy, and the temple with the secret diagram is the focal point of it all. The governor and his lackeys are going to perform a ritual that allows them access to the complete and unabridged Enuncia dictionary, likely killing a bunch of people in the process, then killing millions more once they can fuck with the fabric of spacetime. Ravenor decides he won't stand for all this, and his group launches an assault on the temple right as the ritual is beginning. They are joined by Plyton and Kara's doctor, for some reason.

Things go pretty well until the end, when the ritual is nearly complete and a bunch of people are, in fact, killed in the process. Only Kara and Thonius have managed to actually get inside the temple and are hopelessly outclassed, so Thonius manifests Slyte ''again'' and kills all of the governor's henchmen, destroys the dictionary of evilness, and saves Kara from the resulting giant explosion (curing the brain tumor she had gotten along the way as part of the deal not to tell Ravenor). Half the city blows up. Ravenor finds Thonius and Kara completely unharmed in the epicenter of the explosion that killed thousands, and STILL doesn't suspect Thonius, writing it off as a miracle.

The governor somehow escapes all this, and the inquisitor's group sets off after him, with the new additions of Plyton and that damn tagalong doctor. Oh, and the governor is actually Ravenor's old nemesis Zygmunt Molotch, who somehow survived crash-landing his ship six years before and is up to his old tricks.

''(Hope you don't mind, different fa/tg/uy here finishing this article. Just finished the Omnibus! Let's get cracking, because things get whacky in the third book)''

After a surprisingly boring and uninformative short-story where we learn Patience's backstory, the novels resume again. Now, Ravenor and his psychos have headed off to a different planet after months of trying to track Molotch. Despite almost no evidence AND the Inquisition itself telling him he's wrong, Ravenor believes Molotch is there, due to what he says is a "hunch". After Ravenor is told to back the fuck off, a different Inquisitor's group handily locates Molotch and is promptly and completely slaughtered by him. The only survivors are Angharad, a Carthaen Swordswoman of such beauty and skill that she can take entire SQUADS without a second thought, and Ballack, the interrogator of the inquisitor who just got his shit pushed in who actually set the whole thing up. Molotch blows up the building to make it look like he died, and Ballack is understandably pissed off at being so expendable.

Meanwhile, Carl is basically manifesting Slyte all over the place, and fucking with everyone's perception just for funsies.

Ballack and Angharad approach Ravenor and tell him that Molotch didn't actually die, but someone in the inquisition must be corrupt! Molotoch apparently has ways to change peoples memories within seconds despite not being a psyker, so after a brief mind-probe Ravenor happily accepts and decides to go rogue so he can hunt down his nemesis without the pesky Inquisition getting in the way. Sometime around now Nayl starts a relationship with Angharad, what with her being pretty much the same character from the Eisenhorn series.

Ravenor's search takes him to a new world, a world with oceans so deep they are literally unexplorable AND covered with ice caps hundreds of meters thick. Ravenor and the gang take a submarine to a giant underwater sphere with spider legs called ''The Wych House'' in order to use the house's scrying powers to see where Molotch went. It turns out all you need to do is use a simple wooden door and it shows you what you want, sort of. The door is kind of a dick, and likes to screw with people. Ravenor, Carl, Ballack, and Angharad go through the door a few times and eventually find Orfeo Culzean, Molotch's main man and a very smooth operator. He tells Ravenor (and only Ravenor) that Molotch wants to team up to take down Slyte. Ravenor flat out refuses and leaves.

His mistake, however, as Molotch had trapped the door just in case Ravenor said no. They get stuck on a world overrun with Tyranids (thus, the future) and get royally fucked up (though they prove their badassery and Mary Sueness by murdering dozens of Tyranids each). Carl ONCE AGAIN manifests Slyte and mind fucks the door into taking them back into the Wych house, where the rest of Ravenor's crew was captured by bounty hunters under the employ of Molotch. Ravenor once again fails to notice Carl.

Back in the Wych House, the door won't close and it's bounty hunters versus Tyranids. I mean dead meat versus Tyranids. A few bounty hunters manage to teleport away, and the Wych House begins to explode. At this point, Ravenor's group is split in half.

Ravenor retreats back through the door with Nayl, Angharad, and Ballack. Everyone else is with Carl.

Ravenor uses his vast power to force the door to take them to were he wants, but for a laugh instead of taking them to the SHIP ''Arethusa'', it takes them to Listening Post Arethusa, 1,000 years in the past, but on the same day. There, Ravenor dies three times while Nayl tries to explain their situation. Eventually Ravenor convinces the base surgeon to help them and she springs them, helping them back to the door, which Ravenor uses again. Luckily this time he gets it right, as the surrounding trees were all psychically sensitive and boosted his power exponentially.

While this is happening, Carl's crew angsts around for a while and decides to try to go after Molotch on their own. Kys tries to kill Zael, believing him to be Slyte, and is stopped and thrown in the brig.

The crew of the ''Arethusa'' manage to find one of the ships Molotch uses (since it was in orbit above Water World to teleport the bounty hunters out) and Kara heads over and gets captured, but not before transmitting their destination, a planet Eisenhorn fans know well, Gudrun.

Kys endures 13 days in the ship's brig and the entire ship endures many unexplained psychic phenomena. This causes most of the crew to mutiny and leave the ship. Carl and the others (without Kys or Zeal and Frauka, who has been assigned his care giver) head to the planet to find out more. Kys escapes and regroups with Unwerth and the remaining crew members.

As Kys and Unwerth are deciding on what to do, the ''Hinterlight'' approaches. Ravenor had used the door to get them to the ''Hinterlight'' and had used his powers of deduction from his meeting with Orfeo to figure out the planet they were on. Ravenor then visits Frauka and Zael. Zael has SOMEHOW burnt out Frauka's blankness and uses him as a conduit. He explains that he had to induce a coma for himself so Slyte wouldn't kill him and feast on his delicious warp-soul. He then tells Ravenor that Carl was the daemons all the while. Ravenor seems legitimately surprised by this.

Oblivious to these developments, Carl, Belknap, Maud, and Ballack are infiltrating Molotch's castle. Ballack gets himself caught and executed, and Carl just gets himself caught. Turns out Orfeo knew Carl was Slyte, and wants to bind him when he transforms. Molotch, on the other hand, does not know of Orfeo's deception. Ravenor calls ahead and decides to team up with Molotch, causing Orfeo to betray them both. Luckily, Ravenor expected this and the rest of his team assaults the castle using the door.

After battling the goons and shooting Orfeo in the gut, Ravenor, Molotch, and the rest are confronted with the now fully unleashed Slyte. They have no idea how to stop the gigantic, tentacled, goo-monster until Carl's ghost appears and mentions that they brought a hole into the warp with them, duh! So Molotch gets to work turning the door into a warp-nuke while Ravenor and the rest run. Except for Angharad, who is apparently as dumb as a stick and decides to sword fight the stories high tentacle beast. In an unintentionally funny scene is simply picks her up and eviscerates her with one of its beaks.

Luckily, Molotch's warp nuke works and Slyte is consumed. The craft the gang is escaping in crashes, and Molotch goes about 30 yards before Ravenor finds him and explodes his brain in a terribly anti-climactic moment.

We are then treated to an animal house ending, where Ravenor is awaiting Trial and thinking about his group.

*'''Harlon Nayl''' leaves Ravenor's service to go back to bring Angharad's sword back home. Ravenor doubts he will ever see him again.
*'''Kara Swole''' is awaiting interrogation after Ravenor, due to her foreknowledge of Slyte.
*'''Wystan Frauka''' is no longer an untouchable and is given over to the black ships so they can do what they will with him. It's possible he's actually not too mad about it because being made "touchable" might just mean he has a soul, something that almost all untouchables hope for.
*'''Patience Kys''' is awaiting Ravenor's release. (She's literally just kicking around the hive he's in.)
*'''Unwerth and Preest''' go back to being a trader and a rogue trader, respectively.
*'''Maud Plyton''' apparently stays in Ravenor's service and gives him a report she found about the surgeon 1,000 years ago. The Surgeon was executed for treason as soon as Ravenor left, refusing an offer to come with them to spare her the fate of a traitor.
*'''Patrik Belknap''' goes back to being a back-alley surgeon, extremely pissed that Kara kept Carl a secret.
*''' Zael Efferneti''' is also given to the Black Ships and becomes a Grey Knight librarian, goes on to break the sword of [[Angron]] as Battle Brother [[Hyperion]].

'''The End'''

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Inquisition]]

Sisters of Battle

2018-08-17T18:26:46Z

2A02:587:3A12:6900:4D37:3817:75A4:92DE:

[[File:AdSor 2.jpg|300px|right|thumb|We'd like to [[Flamer|talk]] [[Bolter|to]] [[Meltagun|you]] for a moment about your [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Lord and Savior]]]]
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smqK5cHSxMA|'''PLASTIC SISTERS CONFIRMED, FOR REAL THIS TIME''']

{{Topquote|Bunch together a group of people deliberately chosen for strong religious feelings, and you have a practical guarantee of dark morbidities expressed in crime, perversion, and insanity.|H.P. Lovecraft}}

''[[Guidelines of the Space Marines|Space Marine Guideline]] 1: Thou shalt not refer to the Adepta Sororitas as "[[Bolter]] [[Bitches]]," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of their "Red Rage," lest thou wish to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.

'''Sisters of Battle''' are essentially [[Warhammer 40k]]'s female equivalent of [[Space Marines]], warriors devoted to the [[God-Emperor_of_Mankind|Emperor]]. Although they lack the genetic modification of their beefier brethren, they also wear [[power armour]] and are armed mainly with the ubiquitous [[Bolter]] and [[Chainsword]]. The Sisters of Battle are also known as the "Daughters of the Emperor", and officially as the "Adepta Sororitas", though the Adepta Sororitas refers to their entire organization, while the term Sisters of Battle refers only to their militant branch. They are more colloquially known by players as "bolter bitches/babes" or "nuns with guns", almost always resulting in an awkward boner. They are ''not'' to be confused with [[Female Space Marines]].

==Overview==
[[File:Lusty Marine.png|300px|thumb|left]]
The Sisters of Battle are part of the [[Ecclesiarchy]], the religious arm of Imperial government, and sometimes work with the [[Inquisition]]'s [[Witch Hunters]]. In the 36th millennium, the Ecclesiarchy's pope launched a coup d'état that led to a devastating civil war. After said pope was crushed, the Imperium banned the Ecclesiarchy from having its own army. However, they fucked up the wording of the law, which only explicitly banned the church from having "men at arms", but not "women at arms". The Ecclesiarchy fully exploited this loophole.

They have somewhat of an obsession with the purifying effects of flame, and generally choose equipment that allows them to cover heretics with as much holy promethium and thermal lances as possible. This philosophy is most obviously exemplified by the Immolator tank, essentially a rolling [[METAL BOXES|steel crate]] with giant flamethrowers or multi-meltas stuck on it. They also have the [[Exorcist]], a mobile pipe organ that shoots missiles. Less accurate than the Whirlwind Missile Launcher or any Imperial Guard artillery, but who cares, the thought of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flmoGRFZ7jc|pipe organs launching missiles while playing epic mass complete with Latin] is fucking awesome, dammit.

[[File:Ordersmilitant.jpg|200px|thumb|right|An overview of the six main Orders. Sadly brief, but characterful.]]
There are six main Orders. All minor Orders are descended from one of these.

* '''Sacred Rose:''' cool, calm and collected. The most tactical Sisters. Enjoy gunning their foes down in a more disciplined manner. If they were to get their own rules, their Rets would have slow and purposeful. They wear White.

* '''Ebon Chalice:''' the vanilla Order. These Sisters haven't changed a whole lot since they were first created, preferring to stick to their tried and tested methods. They wear Black.

* '''Argent Shroud:''' the Lawful Goods. Are a rarity among Imperial factions, in that they are described as being famous for selfless heroism, as well as altruism. For this reason, /tg/ likes to fluff them as noble space Paladins and she-bros to the [[Salamanders]]. They wear Silver.

* '''Bloody Rose:''' aggressive as fuck. Aim to kill off their enemies as quickly as possible, as they see no reason to let the heretic live any longer than necessary. They wear Red.

* '''Our Martyred Lady:''' the postergirl Order, depicted in most mainstream portrayals of the Sisters. This has led to many people thinking that all Sisters have white hair, when it is in fact seemingly only this Order that does it. The Order itself is reputed as being determined even for SoBs, which is saying something. Will not stop until their enemies are utterly destroyed. They wear Black and Red.

* '''Valorous Heart:''' Repent! These Sisters feel the guiltiest about that whole [[Age of Apostasy]] thing, and as a result have an excess of [[Sisters Repentia|Repentias]]. Likely on constant lookout for the slightest sign of weakness in themselves or any allies serving alongside them. They wear the most black.

==Sororitas Orders Non-Militant==
As mentioned in the opening, not all of the Adepta Sororitas are actually Sisters of Battle. A number of Orders exist which officially serve non-combat-related roles in Imperial Society, although they tend to receive even less attention than their combat-fighting sisters. The largest source of info on these Sororitas thus-far is the ''Blood of Martyrs'' sourcebook for [[Dark Heresy]], which specifies the three most important Orders and mentions the existence of others, even lesser in nature. ''Blood of Martyrs'' even includes character classes for members of the three major Orders Non-Militant.

* '''Orders Dialogous:''' These Sororitas are dedicated to the studying of language, with tasks ranging from interpreting long-lost texts to accompanying Imperial diplomats on contact missions with intelligent xenos species. Thanks to their training, even the most average Sororitas knows several hundred everyday human dialects and dozens of secret cants, ciphers, even xenos tongues. Sororitas of these Orders are some of the few individuals judged worthy (and capable) of actually understanding the [[Eldar]] tongue.

* '''Orders Famulous:''' Literally the [[Dune|Bene Gesserit]] without the kung fu skills from perfect body control. These Sororitas serve intimately with the upper echelons of Imperial society, acting as chamberlains, counselors, and consuls to the nobility. Their focus is on the spiritual and genetic purity of the human race, so they concern themselves with not only seeing to the education of nobles, but also secretly arranging alliances and marriages, in the hope of preventing corruption and inbreeding from taking root. They are particularly involved in tracking the manifestations of saints, which makes them a popular ally for Thorian Inquisitors.

* '''Orders Hospitaller:''' Healers and medics, these Sororitas are amongst the most skilled and compassionate surgeons in the Imperium, meaning they are commonly found attached to the [[Imperial Guard]]. Given their mission, they are one of the more beloved orders by the common citizenry of the Imperium. Of course, this being the Imperium, they're also expert torturers often called upon for that purpose by the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition, though Inquisitors are cautioned against using Hospitallers to keep important heretics alive; they have a bad tendency to forget about the future gains and instead "take the Emperor's justice into their own hands".

* Others: Scores, perhaps even hundreds, of minor non-militant Orders exist within the Adepta Sororitas. ''Blood of Martyrs'' mentions the '''Orders Sabine''' (who infiltrate newly rediscovered worlds and prepare them for the Missionarius Galaxia) and '''Orders Pronatus''' (guardians of sacred relics) as examples of more wide-spread Orders Non-Militant, and three "local" Orders in the forms of the '''Madriga''' (temple choirs), '''Planxilium''' (leading processionals on holy days) and '''Vespila''' (sanctifying the dead and forensic specialists).

[[Image:Champs.jpg|thumb|right|600px|The Champ AND the President, ARE HERE!!! Everyone else, such as Roman Reigns/Brock Lesnar/Undertaker AND Trump/Obama/Reagan, are PHONIES!!!]]

[[Image:GiotaTsirouFaceboook.jpg|left|thumb|1200px|Giota Tsirou, a 200 pound girl of short stature displaying unrivaled hotness!]]

==Sisters Snuff==
Back in [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|1st Edition]], they were present fluff only as an order that was essentially the [[Just As Planned|Inquisition for everyone including the Inquisition]] (like an Inquisition Internal Affairs branch; a "who watches the watchmen?" deal) and [[Derp|Space Marines]]. This would change in later editions, when they eventually get their own codex.

In 1997, when the [[Necron|Necrons]] were launched, [[Games Workshop]] had them face the Sisters in a Battle report, which the Sisters lost. The results of this battle report then became the [[Sanctuary 101]] fluff. Games Workshop liked the result so much that they decided the Sisters of Battle should get slaughtered all the time. Unless they are falling to Chaos, obviously. Some fans blame popular GW whipping boy [[Matthew Ward|Matt "Spiritual Liege" Ward]] for this tendency, but it was there long before he got here [[FATAL|and it continues to exist after he left]].

Please note that while [[Heresy|fa/tg/uys]] [[/d/|masturbate furiously]] to fanfics of Sisters engaging in bdsm fetish sex with the likes of other Lesbian sisters, servitors, children, Schola Progenium cadets, Eldar, Dark Eldar, [[WhipsOil&Lofn|Half-Eldar]] or even the likes of [[Sister of Nurgle|Nurgle]], all of the below actually, '''canonically''' ''fucking happened''. (It should also be worth noting that they're getting stomped '''by their own fucking allies''' in most of these.)

[[File:Warhammer_40k_sisters_of_battle_adeptas_sororitas_battling_Dark_Eldar.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Heroic Lesbian Space Nuns + Evil BDSM Space Elves = Shut up and take my money! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fU5ZHQLsGo FAP !FAP! FAP!] ]]
Some highlights include:
* Some of a Dialogus Order and some Battle Sisters turned to Chaos by a [[Slaanesh|Slaaneshi]] Keeper of Secrets.
* A whole Order Mind Controlled by one Chaos [[Psyker]]. Fucking [[C.S.Goto|Goto]] (This happened again in the Ciaphas Cain books, although it was only a tiny convent with a couple of squads of sisters, not a entire Order and said pskyer was also a direct lieutenant of the [[Failbaddon|Despoiler]] himself and could control [[powergamer|entire planets]]).
* An Order is present in another Ciaphas Cain book, wherein they're tricked into exterminating the workers of a mining outpost and sheltering a rogue Inquisitor. In an unrelated matter, they nearly cost the Imperial Guard a crucial battle against the Tyranids because they couldn't keep their bloodlust in check (Only Ciaphas Cain calling them out for leaving countless civilians to be slaughtered in their temples as they pushed forward made them reconsider). That said, it's one of the kinder portrayals in this list, because the Sisters in that battle do manage to make it back to the defense lines, and the entire Order dies in a later battle covering the Commissar's exit in repentance.
* A strike force of [[Celestians]] and an [[Inquisitor]] being killed, cannibalized, and sacrificed by the Sons of Malice Astartes chapter for disturbing their victory rites and falsely accusing the chapter of heresy. (To be fair, a small force of sisters against an entire Chapter? Still doesn't excuse the cannibalism, though.)
* A whole shrine-world of Sisters killed by a <s>[[Chaos Dreadnought#Helbrute|Helbrute]]</s> [[Daemon Engine]] powered by [[rage]]. It shrugs off meltas, meltabombs and multiple [[Exorcist]] volleys, and the efforts of a number of [[Salamanders]] in Terminator armour. A [[Living Saint]] even gives up her divinity (not to be confused with virginity) to stop it by speaking the bound Daemon's true name (her order had a vow of silence, probably so the audio recording team didn't need to hire women to do any of the speaking rolls for the audio drama), therefore weakening it after her aura of peace causes it to calm down and shrink down to the size of a man instead of a massive daemon walker. The daemon is then destroyed when its shell is broken after a Space Marine decides to throw a [[Power weapon|Thunder Hammer]] at it. ''We are not making this shit up''.
* A detachment of Sisters killed by [[Grey Knights]], [[Khornate Knights|their bodies sliced open and their blood applied to the Grey Knights' armor, so the Grey Knights can be immune to the Bloodtide's effects (though some of the Sisters were immune with faith alone, make of that what you will).]] The Bloodtide was retconned in the most recent Grey Knights Codex to instead go down holding the line long enough for their Grey Knight allies to finish off the Daemons. Still losing, but at least this time they die with dignity.
* In another instance of Grey Knight-on-Sororita violence, during the climax of the first novel of the Grey Knight series, a detachment of Sisters led by Cannoness Ludmilla is tricked by a Chaos-turned Inquisitor into thinking that the Grey Knights pursuing it are Chaos Space Marines. Later (as in a few pages later), said detachment gets nearly kamikaze'd by said Grey Knight Strike Cruiser, which itself was shot down by Imperial Navy ships fooled into thinking that it was Chaos - starting to see a pattern here? Surprisingly, the only dudes that die from the crash are Imperial Guard and PDF - the Sisters survive but only to get the ever-Emprah-lovin' shit beaten out of them by the surviving Grey Knights. The sisters pull no punches, however, and do manage to take out a few of Alaric's squadmates, so power to them. BUT WAIT. Seeing as this was written by a much more competent author, unlike the ambiguous piece of shite-fluff written by a certain [[Matthew Ward|spiritual liege]], both sides figure out that this was part of an elaborate case of [[JUST AS PLANNED]], they stop fighting,and even more shockingly, the person who ends it is Cannoness Ludmilla, after noticing the FUCKHUEG books bolted on the GK's mighty pauldrons, and team up to take down the Big Baddy.

* Apart from the codex stuff, they were also stomped in the video game ''[[Dawn Of War|Dawn of War: Soulstorm]]''. It all started when [[Selena Agna]] of the Sacred Rose falsely accused Governer General [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] for the Warp Storm that appeared in Kaurava system. The sisters then had a zealots hard on which resulted in them thinking that everyone, even their imperial brethren ([[Space Marines|Space Marines]] and [[Imperial Guard|Imperial Guards]]) should be purged. Stubbs, like a true gentleman, not only dismissed the claim, but was also planning to destroy the sisters without [[Khornate Knights|the worries of commit a heretical action]] because "fuck you, no way me and my men gonna die for from some crazy bitch's accusation." They were presumably killed sacrificing themselves in an attempt to destroy the enemy, though we don't know who it was that wiped them out (however considering that Gorgutz is the canonical winner, it was likely him).

==The Sudden Yet Inevitable Betrayal==
{{MattWard}}

[[File:Sister_Hmph.jpg|200px|thumb|left|The reaction of Sisters and SoB players everywhere to the codex update.]] On August 1, 2011 [[Games Workshop]] finally decided to attempt to "revamp" the Sisters of Battle with a [[White Dwarf]] codex, much to the aggravation of about two thirds of the [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Witch Hunters|Witch Hunters']] remaining playerbase. It was by no means a horrible update; initial worries on [[/tg/]] suggested it to be akin to a biblical plague in terms of disaster-level, when in truth it was simply sub-average. The update had its fluff written by [[Matt Ward|your SPIRITUAL LIEGE]]. In spite of this, it was squarely in-level with another [[Tyranids|bad codex update]], because the rules were clearly written by committee.

Gone were the various inquisitorial units that got gobbled up by the [[Grey Knights]] codex update. This meant that many of the classics, like [[Witch Hunters#Notable Members of the Ordos Hereticus|Lord Inquisitor Krazypantzoff]] and [[Officio Assassinorum|Temple Assassins]], were gone, though they were replaced with Ecclesiarchy characters like [[Uriah Jacobus]] and [[Arch-Confessor Kyrinov]]. The Sisters did get some of Grey Knight units, namely [[Death Cult Assassin|Death Cult Assassins]], [[Arco-flagellant|Arco-Flagellants]], and [[Crusaders|Crusaders]], though their usefulness was questionable at best. [[Immolator|Immolators]] took a nasty nerf-bat to the face, being unable to fire on the move and losing all fire-points, which basically made them more-cost-effective [[Razorback Transport]]s). Who would have thought that Games Workshop would update an army by [[Carnifex|nerfing the one model every player had a couple of so that they all have to go out and buy new models]]?

Faith was functionally changed to a game of roulette, with randomized dice rolls deciding how much (if anything at all) you get. Units were given very specific faith powers on a squad-by-squad basis now, and whilst several were powerful, others were meh at best. [[Image:Repressor.jpg|right|thumb|Heavy armor in an update? We fucking ''wish''.]] Whereas before you had a nice general army that could use faith points to adapt to different situations, in the [[White Dwarf|Dwarf-dex]] system you had mostly weaker powers that were unreliable. Powers that most other units for similar points get permanently.

[[Sisters Repentia]] were originally purportedly nerfed, but in the end they were ''vastly'' better, boasting a 6++ invulnerable save, Fleet, and double their original number of attacks with a faith act to do more on death - meaning they stood a good chance of fucking up a lot of units they wouldn't pre-update... So ''now'' instead of paying ridiculous prices for a sick joke, you're just paying ridiculous prices for a suicide squad. At least they'll rape shit while they're there now. ''Progress''!

Sadly, things were muddled by a spree of fake releases as part of an [[Troll|April Fool's Prank]]. Original reports of genuinely useful units to offset the loss of the [[Stormtrooper|Stormtroopers]] and inducted forces thus turned out to be false. There was also talk of a new heavy transport/assault vehicle called the [[Repressor]], but it turned out to be part of the same fucking April Fool's Prank and is still Forgeworld-only (which sucks because it would be an improvement). Of the new characters, Kyrinov was semi-useful, and Jacobus was near-mandatory if you wanted to do anything with Acts of Faith. So in summary, about a third of the Sisters' armory is now gone without being replaced by anything. (The [[Bretonnia|knights]] feel your pain now.)

The biggest kick in the cunt for the Sisters, aside from the obvious loss of utility units, was the loss of ally rules and inducted unit rules. One of the biggest advantages the Sisters had was the ability to, courtesy of the Ordo Hereticus, requisition allied forces. A time-honored method of getting around the relatively weak Sisters of Battle vehicular lineup was to take some Inducted Guardsmen for a Leman Russ or two, or Space Marines for a Predator. The loss of Inquisitors also came with the loss of [[Land Raider|Land Raiders]] as dedicated transports, which was another stab at their vehicular capabilities.

===The Eternal Vigil===
[[Image:Homelesssister.jpg|right|thumb|<s>Come on guys, she's got sisters to feed.</s> Hang in there a little more, sis. You're coming back home at last.]]
While many members of [[/tg/]] are violently, gleefully convinced the sisters are on their way to be [[Squat|squatted]], a tiny contingent of the faithful keeps a candle burning, waiting for the day that their beloved bolter bitches will rise again ([[Finecast|tiny bubbles]] and all). [[Awesome|As for this notice, the prayers has been aswered IN PLASTIC!]]

*'''0172008.M3:''' The Sisters are released as a playable faction in [[Dawn of War|Dawn of War: Soulstorm]]. While it is poorly designed and built, it still drums up some enthusiasm for the Sisters. Many conflicted feels are had.
*'''0583011.M3:''' [[Matt Ward|The Destroyer]] and [[Robin Cruddace|The Cruddace]] release a playable [[White Dwarf]] codex for the sisters, hinting at a similar treatment to the [[Blood Angels|Blood <s>Angels]] </s> <s> heretics </s> fuck you.
*'''0608012.M3:''' The sisters are retained for the 6E allies system and given a new flyer via [[Forge World]]. An unconfirmed leak shows a line up of new Sisters characters in development.
*'''0569013.M3:''' Faithful pilgrims supplicate themselves before the great and powerful [[Jervis Johnson]] asking for news on the Sisters. They are told that all armies are being worked on and there are no plans to discontinue support for the sisters. [[Phil Kelly|The Kelly]] adds that modeling issues prevented their release previously.
*'''05611013.M3:''' Rumors begin swirling about an [[Warhammer 40,000/6th Edition Tactics/Adepta Sororitas|official digital codex]] release for the Sisters. A leaked and subsequently confirmed White Dwarf advert later confirms this, and promises an updated version of the 5e codex. A later interview with [[Robin Cruddace|The Cruddace]] indicates that the codex will include tweaks to Faith and points cost, and that if it sells well enough it may get a physical release. The release date for the digital codex was set for October 19th. Later comments on the GW Digital Editions facebook page confirms a Warlord Traits Chart, Ecclesiarchy Relics and an Altar of War, in addition to some updates, new fluff and artwork and changes to faith and points costs. It appears that the Sisters prayers have been at least partially answered. A physical release however is still very much dependent on the sale of this eBook however. Also during all this GW changes the name from Sisters of Battle to Adepta Sororitas most likely because it sounds cooler and is [[ChapterHouse Studios|easier to maintain copyright on]]. The reactions are mixed when the Codex is released, with such changes like making all Acts of Faith usable only once, maximum twice, per battle and many buffs and nerfs around the board, leaving many arguing whatever the Sisters got better or majorly screwed. However, this mixed reception '''is''' better than the universally negative reception of the [[White Dwarf]] codex.
*'''09999015.M3:''' Escalation is released, alongside Stronghold Assault. While Stronghold Assault slips by unnoticed, the Sisters of Battle receive no Lords of War choices in an otherwise controversial and poorly thought out expansion. It then falls to Forge World to release a downloadable sheet a few days later saying that Sisters armies can take Warhound & Reaver titans, as well as Marauder Bombers & Destroyers as Lords of War. The Sisters have yet to comment on how overkill these choices might be if they can ever deploy them. The Reaver is at least far too expensive for normal games.
*'''0914016.M3:''' The Adepta Sororitas digital codex finally gets a physical release as part of [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Imperial Agents|Codex: Imperial Agents]]. Like the digital codex, the new one has a mixed reception, as it removes Saint Celestine from the army (leaving the Sisters with a single named character) and comes with a formation that called the Vestal Task Force that isn't great. However, it also allows for Ministorum Priests to be taken independently, and separates the component units of the Ecclesiarchy Battle Conclave, though these units are not given any buffs to make them useful on their own. Not much, but it was something.
[[Image:Celestine Fall of Cadia.jpg|left|thumb|Guess who's back, bitches?]]
*'''0999016.M3:''' The Warhammer TV team, after the initial hint in the video which saw Magnus announced, releases a compilation of 2016 launches. At the end of said video can be seen clearly several launches of January, including no other than a new plastic kit of the '''Living Saint Celestine''', supposedly tied to the release of The Gathering Storm: Fall of Cadia. The internet, and specially /tg/ and the SoB players go nuts shortly after that, which only gets worse after the confirmation in a Twitch live few hours later.
*'''0019017.M3:''' Fall of Cadia releases and Sisters are starting to return to the limelight. Not only do the Nuns With Guns play a substantial role in the 13th Black Crusade, but Saint Celestine is one of the key characters of the story, bringing reinforcements, rallying the beleaguered Imperial Forces, and facing off with [[Abaddon]] himself. She also gets updated rules which turn her into a powerhouse, capable of calling orbital strikes, chopping tanks in half, buffing nearby Imperial units, and becoming nearly impossible to kill. The book also comes with additional Ecclesiarchy Relics, causing much rejoicing among SoB fans.
*'''0233018.M3:''' In the Adepticon XVI of 018.M3, the team disclosed a plethora of information of future releases: [[Imperial Knight#Castellan_Knight_Patterns|Knights Castellan]], photos of the [[Idoneth Deepkin]] for AoS, a TCG of AoS and more. One of these accouncements is the confirmation that '''THE RENOVATION IN PLASTIC OF THE SISTERS OF BATTLE IS HAPPENING'''. This is due to the overwhelming support of the fanbase during the Great Survey, which convinced the high-ups to give them what is due. The release date is unconfirmed, but temporally is "Emperor's willing, 019.M3" and in the meantime the whole process of desinging, creating and bringing them back will be made public. The Long Vigil is coming to an end. PRAISE THE EMPRAH!!

===Getting Started With The Nuns===

Wait for the 2019 official release.

Or...

Look to [[Anvil Industry]], because the Sisters of the Burning Rose are on the way, and are awesome enough as is to kick the shit out of the current official Sisters models. GW's gonna have to really up their game if they don't want to be outdone by a 3rd Party manufacturer. Another good option is the Sisters of Faith from [[Shieldwolf Miniatures]]; so good, in fact, that [https://spikeybits.com/2017/10/hard-plastic-sisters-wolves-kickstarter-canceled.html Games Workshop sent the Kickstarter for them a dubious C&D because they were afraid of the competition.]

==THE RETURN!==

[[File:Sororita-plastic.jpg|250px|thumb|right|A sneak peak of things to come. Amazingly, GW has taken the time to learn how to sculpt female models [[Commorragh Slaves|that don't look hideous]].]]

'''THIS IS NOT A DRILL, REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THE NUNS WITH GUNS ARE RETURNING AND SHALL BE IN PLASTIC NO LESS!!'''

On the 21st of March in the year of our [[Emperor|Lord]] 2018, Warhammer Community uploaded [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smqK5cHSxMA a short video] stating that ([[Emperor]] willing) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFX8S9aAgvw&feature=youtu.be&t=31s Sisters will be getting some kind of an update in 2019]. In addition, on the warhammer community page [https://www.warhammer-community.com/2018/03/22/breaking-news-major-revealsgw-homepage-post-1/] after all the Age of Sigmar stuff, they added that Sisters of Battle will be released in [[Awesome|plastic form]]. It seems like the Sisters will not be going the way of [[Squats|Bretonnia, the space Dwarves, Kislev and Nehekhara]] after all. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usfiAsWR4qU Praise be!]

==The James Swallow books: SoBs can win too!==
[[File:Hammer-and-anvil.jpg|250px|thumb|left|Sister Miriya from Hammer & Anvil; yes, [[Black Library]] artists can draw pretty sisters too.]]
Among [[Black Library]], there are two books, specifically starring the Sisters, that are widely considered to be some the finest portrayals of SoBs in all of [[40K]] fluff. Both were authored by [[James Swallow]], who decided that Sisters needed some attention and got to work. The first, [http://www.blacklibrary.com/all-products/Faith-and-Fire.html Faith and Fire], has the Sisters battling with what are basically terrorist psykers on a shrine world while trying to uncover the reasons behind the attacks. Then there's the sequel, [http://www.blacklibrary.com/all-products/Hammer-and-Anvil.html Hammer and Anvil]. Remember reading about Sanctuary 101 up there? This book has them going back there and trying to figure out what happened. While saying too much would be spoiling it, it can be said that shit hits the fan hard and that the final battle is very epic stuff. Also, if you're feeling extra faithful, Swallow wrote an SoB audiobook called [http://www.blacklibrary.com/all-products/red-and-black-mp3.html Red and Black]. A prequel to Faith and Fire, it has the Sisters being sent to a recently rediscovered planet as representatives of the Imperium, and ultimately to judge it. Needless to say, things get complicated. Also features a Scottish SoB. So, you can help the Sisters by getting the above books so that [[Games Workshop]] and Black Library may decide to change their minds and give some love to these girls. Or at least give them some additional badass portrayals.

==Tactics==
The Sisters of Battle employ a costly yet simple tactic whenever they're called out for battle:

 1. Bring thousands of sexually deprived Sisters of Battle into the field.
 2.Arm them all with Melta and flame-based weapons.
 3.<s>Tell them they can shlick to the image of the Emperor if they triumph over the foul enemies of the Imperium.</s> {{BLAM|'''HERESY. *BLAM*'''}} - {{BLAM|'''HERESY. *BLAM*'''}} Nothing doing with only the Empror filling your mind is heresy! Since he is the perfect human it is only natural to shlick to him! Filthy heretic!
 4.Set them loose, hope you are not fighting slaaneshi cult, hope you're fighting Dark Eldar wyches (although they do seem to be doing that just fine in one of the artworks on this page).
 5.If they do win, all remaining Imperial troops, save for the SoBs, are ordered off the field.
 6.No other accounts can be heard of, as remembrancers and all other Imperial journalists are sworn to an oath of silence on whatever events transpired (one theory is it would look like a mix of "Soldier of Fortune" and "Girls Gone Wild")
 7.????
 8.Profit.

''(Yes we do have a real tactica, its [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Adeptus_Ministorum(8E)|here]].)''

==Notable Sororitas Characters==
{|align=center border="1" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0""
|-
|align=center|'''Name'''
|align=center|'''Order'''
|align=center|'''Description/Current Status'''
|align=center|'''Image'''
|align=center|'''Model'''
|-
|align=center|'''[[Canoness Veridyan]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]]
|align=center|The canoness from the cover of the 2nd Edition codex. A steadfast, calculating woman who operates with a high degree of precision.
|align=center|[[Image:Veridyan Portrait.jpg|150px|]]
|align=center|[[Image:Veridyan Model.jpg|150px|]]
|-
|align=center|'''[[Ephrael Stern]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]]
|align=center|Also known as the Thrice-Born and the Daemonifuge. A living weapon against Chaos, currently heading to the Black Library with a harlequin.
|align=center|[[Image:Ephrael Stern Portrait.jpg|150px|]]
|align=center|[[Image:SternMini.JPG|150px|]]
|-
|align=center|'''[[Miriael Sabathiel]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]] (formerly)
|align=center|Former Sister Superior of the Order of Our Martyred Lady and one of the very few Sisters who fell to Chaos (specifically, Slaanesh worship).
|align=center|[[Image:Miriael Sabathiel Portrait.jpg|150px|]]
|align=center|None
|-
|align=center|'''Miriya'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]]
|align=center|Celestian Elohim (Celestian Sergeant) of the Order of Our Martyred Lady. The protagonist of Swallow's Sister of Battle books.
|align=center|[[Image:Mirya Portrait.jpg|150px|]]
|align=center|None
|-
|align=center|'''[[Saint Celestine]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]] (formerly)
|align=center|A sister who became one of the most famous [[Living Saint|Living Saints]] in the Imperium.
|align=center|[[Image:Celestine Portrait.jpg|150px|]]
|align=center|[[Image:Celestine 7e.jpg|150px|]]
|-
|align=center|'''[[Canoness-Errant Setheno]]'''
|align=center|Order of Piercing Thorn (Minoris)
|align=center|After burning her own order down after its corruption, she became Canoness Errant, a vaguely defined position that involves a lot of asskicking. Allied with the [[Black Dragons]] and [[Commissar Yarrick]]. Inquisitors wish they were as scary as her.
|align=center|None
|align=center|None
|}

==See Also==
*[[Codex - Adeptus Ministorum /tg/ Edition]] - An [[Warhammer 40,000 8th edition|8th edition]] [[homebrew]] codex for everyone's favorite Nuns With Guns. Includes new characters, frateris milita, flyers, customizable Living Saints, and much more!
*[[Sisters of Cleaning]] - a [[/tg/]] created order.
*[[Sister Hospitaler]] - a non-militant Sister.
*[[The Times and Trials of Klightus]]; a love story about a shy [[Imperial Guard | Guardsman]] and a Sister of Battle.
*[[The Steadfast Pewter Sororitas]] - a sad story about what happens to those metal Sisters that don't get bought.
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Adeptus Ministorum(8E)]] - tactica on how to play them.
*[[Sisters of Battle Order Creation Tables]] - Create your very own Order of pyromaniac nuns.
*[[Sisters of Sigmar]] - The Warhammer Fantasy equivalent
*[[Psychic Sisters]] - A small house rule for 7th edition if you want your sisters a bit more witch hunting, but don't want to go full /tg/ edition.
*[[Sister of Nurgle]] - An article riddled with the blessings of Nurgle and PROMOTIONS.
*[[Codex - Sisters of Battle: /tg/ edition]] - in which the glory of the Witch Hunters, fueled by the possibilities of the 6th edition rulebook come together to cleanse the battlefield in a holy trinity of prometheum, bolter shells and melta rays. As of [[Warhammer 40,000 8th edition|8th edition]], these rules are no longer usable.
*[[Codex - Adepta Sororitas: /tg/ 7th Edition]] - the result of an anon challenging /tg/ to update the mediocre 6th edition digital codex; a true update that makes full use of 7th edition rules. Includes formations, flyers, decurions, customizable Living Saints, and much more. As of [[Warhammer 40,000 8th edition|8th edition]], these rules are no longer usable.

==External Links==
*[http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1426730/ suptg archive about Sisters of Battle and pedophilia].
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHuNbWMBAeA FOR THE IMPERIUM! ''Hey, there's no rule saying that warrior space nuns can't be badass.'']
*[https://www.sendspace.com/file/8zykal Rules & Summary for Codex: Adepta Sororitas, for those who do not like the clusterfuck 7e digital codex.]
*[https://youtu.be/__GHpmdmJu0/ They can also sing!].

==Costume Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Sororita cosplay7.jpg
Image:SororitaAsianCosplay.jpg|Sister Shoju
Image:Sororita_cosplay4.jpg
Image:Repentia_+_bolter_bitches.jpg|The [[China|Chinese]] are beating us to the punch.
image:Sis.jpg
image:Celestine Cosplay.jpg|Sweet Emprah!
image:SoB Cosplay.jpg
image:SoB Cosplay 2.jpg|Scarred sisters are best sisters
image:SoB Cosplay 3.jpg
image:Shenzi sob warhammer 77 by cynshenzi-dalqqbb.jpg
image:1518145539057.png
image:1468433605143314511.jpg
image:1514910964169599531.jpg
image:SoB Cosplay 4.jpg
image:SoB Cosplay 5.jpg
image:1522066264701.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:AdSor.jpg|Scourge and Purge!
File:16 bit Battle Sisters SteelJoe.gif|The Action-Girls of 40k (Animated!)
Image:Nun n' Gun.jpg|What? U MAD [[Space Marines|SPESS MAHREEN?]]
Image:Sister of D'awwwww.jpg|They aren't actually this cute. -But they should be.-
Image:But That's Heresy.jpg|But whatever it is, it's probably worth it. Maybe.
Image:Sororit as planned.jpg| The rape face you know you love.
Image:Pedo Sisters.jpg
Image:NoiseMarine SoB.jpg | [[Rape|We all know how this is going to end.]]
Image:MujuLolcron.jpg|Love Can Bl-- wait.
Image:Sororitas.png
Image:Ephrael_stern_page29.jpg|There was a sister in the [[Lost Worlds]] battlebook series.
Image:1290509755821.jpg|Can't read my, Can't read my, No he cannot read my Purging Face (She's got no one to spare)
Image:Sistersnslaanesh.jpg| Incompetent Inquisitor is incompetent (Hey, we know he did that on purpose).
Image:1269678816033.jpg|dum dum dum... dummmm
Image:1228253984074.jpg|OMNOMNOMNOM
Image:1230052783344.png|Post whenever you need to make a fa/tg/uy rage that he doesn't understand the role and jurisdiction of Commissars.
Image:Peachsororitas.jpg|Sorry Mario, but your Heresy is in another castle
Image:Games Workshop Hates France.jpeg|This is rain.
Image:1232217288173.jpg|
Image:LolimoNsis.png
Image:B0018254_4897156440df9.jpg|Grimdark meets [[Hot Chicks]].
Image:1227858843066.jpg|Sisters love delicious xeno shota.
Image:Sororita_change_poster.png|Yes We Can
Image:Nagasister_of_battle.jpg|Are we this desperate for recruits?
image:Haters.png|Just you wait until 2019
image:Sistersuperior.jpg|
image:1335738154693.jpg
Image:SisterShy.jpg|You don't want to see her tsun side.
image:Notsureheresy.jpg
File:Heretic%3F_Colored.jpg|Better purge them anyway...
image:SisterCheer.jpg|<s>NO THATS STUPID NO NO NO.</s> Let's face it, being a bunch of glorified cheerleaders isn't that far off the mark nowadays...
image:Sisterweeaboo.jpg
image:Pyschosister.jpg|[[Awesome|Problems heretics?]]
image:ChaosCookies.png|Just as planned.
image:BurnHereticsBurn.jpg|Heretics gunna get burned.
Image:SororitaInquisitorIsntHome.jpg|When the Inquisitor's away, the Sisters will play...
File:Sisters of repentia sisters of battle Adepta Sororitas rule 34 montage can't believe how hard fetish rule 34 Warhammer 40k myoc redux.jpg|As hilarious as it is to picture a bunch of semi-nude nuns bull rushing a carnifex or a baneblade through a hail of gunfire, it's also weirdly sexy. Behold, the [[Sisters Repentia]].
File:Sororitastakeabreak.png|What the Sisters have been reduced to as of late.
Image:Remember.jpg|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smqK5cHSxMA Remember]
</gallery>
</center>

 
{{Promotions}}
 
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Canoness femdom.jpg|Goddamn fetishists... '''Ohoho!''' The [[Slaanesh|glorious satin throne]] is telling me '''someone''' is feeling a little butthurt! Speaking of which I'm late for my [[Rape|lunchtime appointment]].
Image:Sistergangbang.png|There are not too many men (not counting old priests) in Adepta Sororitas so they have to improvise.
File:Strip_hammer_commission_for_propertyoflamb_by_hotgum-dagtqp6.jpg|What happens when a Battle Sister, a Repentia, a Hospitaller and a Living Saint decide they need to make a little cash?
Image:R-daemonette 10.jpg |evidence that slaneesh can corrupt sisters of battle
Image:Repentia_1.jpg|Sisters Repentia are supposed to repent. Stop whinging you know we know that you like this more.
Image:FIGHTBYMYSIDE.jpg| An imperial artist's representation of a living saint.
Image:1230051355300.gif|GENESTEALERS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. <s>-But they should-</s> NO THEY SHOULDN'T, YOU SICK [[Slaanesh|PERV]].
Image:Sister reading heretical text by Naga.gif
Image:1233114472588.png|Unlike other settings, in 40k this kind of thing DOESN'T work. Still kinda hot though.
Image:Sororitas strawberries.jpg
Image:Sisters.jpg
Image:1228252747952.jpg|Cum my sisters!
Image:Repentia_2.jpg|Not that they are fanatical about it.
Image:sister_n_slaaneshi.jpg|Sister in ''deep'' trouble.
Image:2nhnnlh.jpg|The lesser known loli chapter.
Image:X6eb14.jpg|More loli.
Image:SistervsLeviathan.jpg|OMNOMNOMNOM
File:Sororita_by_ipheli-d9mzze4.png|Sister Temeraire at rest
File:Sororita_2_rest_by_ipheli-damic1m.png|Interesting place for your devotional tattoo...
Image:Saint celestine and the geminae superia by sexual yeti-dat6rd3.png|Sexy Celestine
image:91a96fb85899c260cb028d6ac34603b6.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

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[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[category:Imperial]][[Category:Matt Ward]]
[[Category:Sisters of Battle]]

Kharn

2018-08-17T11:58:33Z

2A02:587:3A12:6900:4D37:3817:75A4:92DE:

{{awesome}}
{{Topquote|It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.|Mark Twain}}
{{Topquote|Hmm... this [[World Eaters|War Hound]]'s name is 'Kharn'... 'KHARN'... Could he turn to worship...? Nah, too obvious.|[[The Emperor|Emps]], prior to Kharn worshiping Khorne}}
{{Topquote|He hated them, you know.|Kharn, when asked about Angron's opinion of his bodyguards}}

[[Image:Kharn fun guy.gif|thumb|right|250px|Khârn the Betrayer, also known as '''Conan In Space''' is one of the few Space Marines of whom we have actual PROOF of having huge muscles.]] '''Khârn the Betrayer''' is an (in)famous [[Khorne]] Berzerker who revels in bloodshed. He's arguably the fifth most powerful (ex-)mortal champion of Khorne, behind the [[World eaters|World Eaters]] [[Primarch]] [[Angron]], [[Doombreed]], [[Ka'bandha]] and [[An'ggrath]]. He is Khorne's greatest mortal champion. And being mortal means you can [[/tg/_gets shit done|get shit done]]. As is likely evident, Khârn truly enjoys beautiful bloodshed. And it is almost always he who is causing the shedding, caring little for those caught in the hilarious and fulfilling crossfire; he does not care at all. And so he has cultivated a wholly deserved reputation as a [[Battle of Skalathrax|teamkilling fucktard]] (in ''[[Warhammer 40,000]]'' rules, this is represented by assigning any close combat attacks he makes that miss the enemy to friendly units instead).

Despite him being a blood-crazed fiend who might decapitate and mutilate the guy next to him, Khârn is quite frankly a delightful fellow to be around. Despite his horrid reputation, he is actually a deep-minded and fun-loving sort of bloke in or outside of glorious, exalted combat. A truly rare breed of super-human, who just wants to have wild and heretical times with his friends. He does not care whether you are a traitor Guardsman or a fellow Chaos Space Marine, unless of course you are an effete pansy who worships [[Slaanesh]], or the enemy, in which case he'll kill you the first chance he gets.

==The man himself==
Before the [[Horus Heresy]], Khârn served as Primarch Angron's equerry, able to keep himself safe from his Primarch's raging bouts and [[wikipedia:Tourette syndrome|Tourette]]-like outbursts. He was also one of the extreme few persons within the Imperium who was capable of talking sense into his eternally angry Primarch most of the time (along with Lorgar, sometimes; and Lotarra Sarin, rarely). The best example of this is how he managed to convince Angron to command the then War Hounds legion, after killing every other captain who tried to negotiate.

Khârn himself was also more cool and composed back then, although he still is now....compared to other World Eater marines anyways (even before Isstvan he's credited with massacres that make Death Guard feel a bit ill). Of course, by the standards of regular Space Marines, he, like the rest of his Legion, was still an unstable, murderous barbarian, second only to [[wikipedia:The Kurgan|Clancy Brown's character]] in the first ''Highlander'' film. Although, in comparison to what he has become, he was rather tame. He even had a treasured bromance with [[Argel Tal]], a Word Bearer's Captain, alas, doomed the moment Erebus found out and killed him. Kharn responded in kind (after having been informed by Lorgar who killed his bff, proving that even Lorgar hates Erebus' slimy self) by challenging Erebus to a duel to the death and beating him mercilessly. Lost records amount to Kharn grabbing both of Erebus' fists and punching him repeatedly in the face with them for half an hour, chanting cries of "STOP HITTING YOURSELF" throughout the ordeal. Khârn was also bros with [[Sigismund]], 1st Captain of the [[Imperial Fists]] and founder of the [[Black Templars]], before Horus [[Horus Heresy|fucked everything up]].

It seems the internecine slaughter on Isstvan III is what set him on the path of Khorne worship for good - he tells Garviel Loken "I am the 8-fold path" during their duel (athough when he afterwards hears of the 8-fold path, he only has strange uncomfortable sensation - maybe best compared to some half-remembered fever-dream). Loken escapes by nudging Khârn onto the sharpened prow of a Land Raider. Skane and Kargos told him about this indicent after his recovery. Interestingly, Kharn does not remember the fight itself, all he knows is that he almost died on Istvaan III. Also, no World Eater worshipped Khorne until the later dates of Heresy, which is even more interesting, considering World Eaters atheistic attitude started to change only after [[Angron]]'s ascension, and that was a slow process. He also killed one million people at the battle of Terra before dying.

During his time as a loyalist, he served as a Marine in the World Eaters Legion, but after the Horus Heresy he, like the rest of his Legion, become a freelancer of sorts and so he serves Noone and Khorne. In fact, Noone is the only human in existence that Khârn won't kill, because like Khârn, [[wikipedia:Peter Noone|Peter]] is just a swell guy.
[[Image:Kharn Pre-Heresy.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Khârn before he became the Betrayer.]]

If Platinum games ever made a 40k action game then the player character would definitely be Kharn. Seriously what other character in the whole universe is allowed to be so freakishly strong, fast and metal enough to jump off a hive city tower landing onto a Titan's out stretchered arm dodging fire from gun barrels jutting outwards from it's hull. Using all the momentum from the Titan's movement to launch himself through the command deck's viewing window while spinning through the air weapons pointed outwards shattering the reinforced glass and killing crew members closest to the windows then slaughtering the rest of the crew on deck and finishing the Titan off by ramming its princeps into its machine spirit cogitators causing it to overload all systems and falling backwards from the trauma. Then Kharn exits the way he came in leaping outwards and being propelled through the air by an explosion while remixed metal plays in the background. This hasn't happened yet, but if Platinum made it, then you bet your ass it would have. (Well that's what Khorne fags think, really they would pick Lelith Hesperax since her sexy stylized combat fits them better than Kharn's "God of War" shit) (This anon seconds that notion even though an action vidya starring Hesperax would more or less be Bayonetta with a R rating). Or it could be a Madworld style game with Kharn killing left and right just for the lulz. Kharn's name also seems similar to [[Derp|Khorne (Khar'neth in the Dark Tongue of Warp Daemons)]]; strange how no one seems to have seen his Heresy coming.

His name is derived from the Arabic word for Betrayer, so as far as Arab Chaos players are concerned, his name is <s>[[Derp|'Betrayer the Betrayer'.]] Lulz.</s> They can deal with 'Betrayer the Champion of Khorne'.

Khârn's showed up in a few books so far, and they consistently show that when he's not fighting, he's actually a pretty smart and classy motherfucker. One particular audiobook detailing when he helped out a buddy of his in some [[Rip and Tear|convoluted Khornate politics]], and he really does have the sense of humor that doesn't put him above [[Troll|trolling]] the other World Eaters when they're muckin' about. [[Battle of Scalathrax|Just like that one time.]] Khârn even takes it all in stride and puts some time aside to imagine how he's gonna kill and betray them. Swell guy that one.

Fun Khârn fact: He is in fact of Terran ''Uralian'' (Siberian-Russian) descent like the Kurgan from Highlander, which meshes well with Angron being a Spartacus clone and the World Eaters basically being in essence Roman-era German Barbarians in SPESS. His voice sounds like a Russian Arms Dealer, which is [[awesome]]. Also a possible reincarnation of [[Awesome|Lu Bu]].

Khârn is also, '''as a matter of fact''', one of the oldest living Space Marines in the universe, having been born on Terra before the Great Crusade, during the Unification Wars; [[Ahzek Ahriman]] and Merir [[Fallen|Astelan]] (one of the first 5,000 Space Marines, and a Fallen Angel) is his only known competition for the title.

As the latest (albeit rough draft) FAQ shows, he does also not care about not seeing the enemy, allowing him to kill even invisible units on a 2+.

==Anecdotes About Khârn==

[[Image:New_Comissar.jpg|thumb|right|In Khârn, we trust! NOT HERESY!!! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!! *chop*]]
{{Story}}
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRVcdLPqoHg| Now on youtube]

As I always say, Khârn the Betrayer was pretty fun to be around, and contrary to popular belief he actually had a sense of humor as well. Probably the best example was in the middle of the campaign during a sweeping of an Imperial Guard command post, with Khorne Berserkers and our Red Rivers company marching directly into the defensive fire. The closer we got, the more apparent it became that the only thing holding the Guardsmen together was a grizzled looking Commissar in full uniform, one gun turned on us and another firing on any of his men who looked like running.

Khârn was at the tip of the assault, and so he got to the Commissar first, plucking the screaming officer up by the neck and holding him over his head.

Then, out of nowhere one of the other berserkers grabs the Commissar's legs and roars "MAKE A WISH!". Well, as you can imagine everyone on both sides forgets about the fight, and watches Khârn and this other Khorne-worshiping marine just start pulling on this Commissar at both ends, the old man screaming out oaths and curses like you wouldn't believe! You could almost hear the sound of flesh tearing and bone snapping over the cheering.

Then, Khârn just let go. Totally not expecting it and pulling with all his might, the Khorne Berserker just falls backwards and starts tumbling with the near dead Commissar into a damaged hellhound, his armor grating off it and sparking!

Well, after the explosion we all turned back to Khârn, who had managed to keep a hold of the Commissar's fancy hat. Ol' Khârn put it on, and damned if it wasn't the funniest thing any of us had ever seen... till he turned to us and bellowed "I'M THE NEW COMMISSAR" at us.

They tell me five thousand traitor guardsmen died that day before someone could take that hat off him.

What a kidder!

----
[[Image:KharnTheCommissar.jpg|thumb|right|Sporting his new hat.]]
Contrary to popular belief, Khârn the Betrayer was a pretty fun guy to be around during a blood-letting campaign. Sure, he'd get so wrapped up in the blood-lust that he'd butcher friend and foe alike but it's not like you didn't get a fair warning from his name or anything.

I served in the traitor guardsman legions known as the Red Rivers, because we got sent in first to soften up the positions and you could see our progress by the red river of our blood. I kept running into Khârn during one of the bigger scourging campaigns, and he wasn't dickish about the whole him being a space marine and me being killed by flashlights or angry glances at all.

The first time I saw him, I was on perimeter patrol at one of our forward outposts, we'd just overrun a Sororitas non-militant chapel, and I was watching from afar when Khârn strides up, cool as you like, holding the largest stone pillar I've ever seen. I turned back and the whole chapel was falling down. He'd just ripped the thing right out and was carrying it on his shoulder!

Then, if that wasn't insane enough he went and hefted this enormous pillar through the air, and crushed the entire congregation of Slaaneshi, all in one go.

I was just standing there dumbfounded when Khârn looked at me, noticing me for the first time, yet not surprised by my presence at all. He held his palm out, and I obliged him a high five. He'd earned it.

Shattered every bone in my arm doing it though.

Nice guy, that Khârn.

----
[[Image:Kharn loev khitten.jpg|thumb|right|Khârn, being a /b/tard.]]
The second time I crossed paths with Khârn was in a later stage in the campaign. We were besieging one of the major hives of the planet, and I tell you what, that place was locked up tighter than Macha's pants. My commander, Oxlor the Vilest, was stuck in an argument with some idiot leader of some group of Death Guard. You could see the smell, it was so bad. I could tell Oxlor wasn't happy, since everyone knows the Death Guard's answer to everything is to just walk at it and watch your bits fly off. Not so good for us soft and squishy guys.

Out of nowhere, this big hand grabs our commander by the shoulder and just hefts him aside, three whole trenches back where he rebounds off a basilisk. The crew was so shocked they fired off a round on a horrible trajectory, and the shell streaked high into the sky.

Khârn the Betrayer just dusts himself down, and then picks back up what he had been holding. Now, I'm no Techpriest and I never will be, but I know a nuclear warhead when I see it. I don't know where he got it.

No one says anything, so The Betrayer just punches the Plague marine in the face, and stuffs the warhead into the leaking mess of his stomach while he was still reeling.

No run up, no preparation. He just fucking throws the other marine into the air at the hive. For a moment it actually looks like he's thrown the warp-damned fool OVER the hive, but as he flies over the top the basilisk shell comes down and spears him through the whole hive! There's a low boom noise, the ground shakes, and then the whole hive explodes!

Everything clears, and Khârn looks at me, and I feel about one foot tall. I don't know if he recognized me, but he leans down and whispers. Khârn WHISPERS to me.

"I was trying to hit the Emperor's Children on the other side" he confides in me, and then nudges me as though it's supposed to be our little secret.

I was in traction for a MONTH.

----
I've been fairly insistent to you readers out there that Khârn the Betrayer was a pretty fun guy to be around. I know he gets a bad rap for the whole 'slaughtering his own allies' thing, but unless you've been there after a battle with him you don't really appreciate how much he strives to please his chaos god.

It was after one of our many conflicts that the Red Rivers Infantry were preparing to march on to our next destination. Never mind that it was half the planet away, we Traitor Guardsmen didn't get transport vehicles. So as you can imagine when someone declared they'd found an Imperial Drop-ship in working condition everyone clamored and fought to get a free ride to our next engagement.

Knowing full well I was too far away to get on the ship, I stayed with some of my fellow traitors at the battlefield. I'd seen Khârn after the battle, and as soon as we'd gotten our marching orders he was picking up corpses and putting them down elsewhere. This took an hour before he was satisfied, and seeing an audience he happily led us up onto a hill as the drop-ship flew a pass over the top of us, probably to gloat. Proudly, Khârn gestured to the battlefield, and then waved up at the drop-ship with his other hand. I peered down the hill, and realized he'd arranged the bodies to make out words, so many killed to form:

On your drop ship hull 
I planted a melta bomb 
Blood for the Blood God 

It was at that point the drop-ship erupted in a violent plume, and crashed down on top of the haiku. Roaring in a cheer, we lifted Khârn up together and made to carry him to the next battlefield as a sign of our appreciation and devotion to his art.

We got about five paces before our spines liquefied, but Khârn didn't hold it against us for trying.

Seriously, what a guy.

----
[[image:KHARN LOEV FLASHLIGHT.jpg|thumb|Khârn's not afraid to switch things up every once in a while]]
I've always said Khârn the Betrayer is a heck of a guy in spite of his reputation. But even I have often wondered just which side of him was more prevalent. The great guy or the butcher?

I got my answer when The Red Rivers sacked an Adeptus Mechanicus primary research facility. Aided by renegade tech priests we opened the bulkhead doors of the Head Magos's research chamber, and ended his life. In this room was a huge throne that the Magos used, a massive collection of wires around a cold metal frame used to interface with the facility.

Grinning, a guardsman jumped onto the throne and yelled "HEY GUYS! I'M THE EMPEROR!". We barely had time to chuckle before hearing a loud clang behind us.

Behind us stood Khârn, his axe having slipped from his grasp as he stared at us. We weren't sure what was happening till frothing blood began to spill out his helmet.

With a roar of anger that drowned out our own cries Khârn rushed the throne, ripping it out of the wall over his head as the guardsman remained sitting in it screaming helplessly. With a cry of "REVENGE!" Khârn drove the entire throne through the floor, utterly destroying it and the guardsman in an explosion of gore. We ran.

I was too slow and the other guys sealed the bulkhead behind them, leaving me alone and cowering as Khârn advanced. He was almost upon me when he stopped and burst out laughing at me.

"APRIL FOOLS!"

Rattled but relieved, I burst into an exhausted laugh at the clever gag. Suitably pleased, Khârn slapped me on the back and praised me for being such a good sport. The Tech Priests tell me they've never seen a bulkhead breached by a human body before, but that's Khârn for you. Heck of a guy.

----

It was a normal day, just like any other, almost. Commissars were shooting their men, etc. But there I was, with the Red Rivers, sitting on some shithole of a bunker, when we just heard this loud crash. Of course, we thought it was an attack, it being in the middle of the damn night and all. A few of the guardsmen jumped next to the bunker wall, while I hit the ground. Suddenly, another crash was heard, this time closer. It sounded like it came from the inside of the bunker.

“IT’S MY DAY OFF!” Khârn spoke as he broke the reinforced concrete wall, smashed a few guardsman directly in his path, and ran off. I didn’t know what had happened until a bit later.

Across the land, several hundred kilometers out, lived a farmer, who took care of his heard of bronto-cattle. When he awoke this day, he grabbed his boots, put on his hat, got his tools, and stepped out the door, where several hundred dinosaur sized cattle were flipped on their backs with their insides scatter around the field. Carved in each one with what looked like a rusty fence post was the words “IT’S MY DAY OFF”.

Blood of the people, skin of the innocent, bones of the pure, all laid out in a complex pattern. The cultists performed the exact ritual, syllable to movements, all in accordance with whatever Tzeentch had wished. Skies were darkening, wildlife fleeing, storms that shouldn’t happen this time of year started appearing. Then, out from the bushes, Khârn leapt, slamming a cultist into the arrangement, and instantly turning him into liquefied pulp. Across the land, a sound of a giant record stopping was heard.

A single cultist watched as Khârn continued on his way, oblivious to the ritual.
“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that”. He was then instantly destroyed.

The commissar watched the mountains surrounding him. Fortified in his city, waiting for the forces of Chaos to come, all he needed was to wait until-
“ENEMY SPOTTED. FIRE ON COORDINATES” A voice screamed through his earpiece. The basilisks quickly responded, firing at all the coordinates shouted through the comm. units. Eventually, they exhausted their ammo.
The Commissar looked on the mountains, expecting to see the ruined army of Chaos. Instead, he saw nothing but splintered trees and rocks, and the craters from the barrage, which seemed to spell out “IT’S MY DAY OFF!”

----

You know, being a part of a Chaos Campaign isn't just one great big conga line of decadence and killing like they probably tell you in the cults. There's lots of long moments where you're sitting in some shattered ruin waiting for the sorcerers to finish divining the next place to move. During these times I try to find whatever books I can and just read a bit. Sometimes you just get propaganda, but occasionally you find something someone has hidden away from all eyes. Heretical stuff.

I found this one book in the city of Majoris Prime, bound in black leather with a big funny looking cross on it. It was full of verses and stories about a single God who did a lot of crazy shit to his followers, then had a son and killed him. It was like reading about Tzeentch without the tentacles.

That was about the time Khârn found me, apparently bored with beating the Slaanesh worshippers. He asked me what I was reading, and unable to quite explain it I passed the book to him. The berserker flicked through the first few pages idly, then as though captivated kept flicking through rapidly, head turning as he ran down the pages at lightning speeds as though possessed... I waited for him to say something, but for the longest time he just seemed entranced.

At last he looked up, staring not at me but into the distance as if struck by a revelation. I was scared, more than usual.

"I..." he started, "I have completely forgotten how to read."

Then he dared me to eat the book. A great time was had by all.

----

Down time between raids can be pretty boring, especially in the case of the Convent Complex of Decapitus IV, where the victims kill themselves before you get to them, and the crazies have nothing to torture. The Slaanesh guys are the worst. Without something to toy with they get all antsy and bother everyone.

The Red Rivers had deployed to a hillside nearby the complex, mostly just taking stock of our own dead's gear and handing it out to one another. Most of us were Khorne boys, but there were always a few that had to be different.

I was doing a quick search for more gear when I heard a series of almighty squeals, and a pair of bodies hurtled through the trees to my feet. I didn't have time to do anything before a head also came flying out and struck me in the face with an almighty crack. Broke my nose and knocked me dizzy.

When my head cleared I found Khârn standing over me, with a small beret on. In one hand he had a paint brush, the other a little board with paints on it (though they were all just shades of red).

"SORRY ABOUT THAT" Khârn yelled, much to my chagrin with the headache and all. He explained that he was painting, and the two fellows (Slaanesh, typical) had been giving him critique when all he wanted was a bit of peace. Once I'd gotten my bearings, I stood up and he showed me his work.

"Khârn it... it looks like a painting of my eyes?" We shared a deep stare for a moment, then Khârn looked back to his work with a sigh.

"I WAS TRYING TO DRAW A DUCK"

----

The Annual Red Rivers costume party is more than just a traditional excuse to get drunk and invite some Daemonettes over, and - at least to me and those few of us who lived through last year's - it will forever serve as yet another shining example of how Khârn's just a great guy to party with.

There we were, having a blast. The disco lights were flashing, and we had an entire (formerly) Imperial planet all to ourselves to get dressed up and destroy in a fest of bad techno music. Everyone had shown up, it seemed, and even Abaddon was fairly relaxed; he waited a whole three hours before killing the DJ, and we were all drunk enough at this point to not mind the smell wafting over from the plague marine contingent, who spent most of the evening moping over the fact none of the daemonettes would dance with them.

As I'd said, the party was in full swing when all of a sudden there was a horrible scream of rage, and then in through the window came everyone's favorite party guy, Khârn. He'd painted his armor all pink, and he'd ripped shreds of carapace off something to make a crude tail coming off his back. In the window he came, and landed squarely on the Daemonette I'd spent the last half hour chatting up, crushing her to a pulp and covering me in a spray of bits. He then proceeded to stand there for the next eight hours of the party, ignoring any and all attempts to lure him into conversation, or to get off the daemonette, who was still half alive after being crushed.

I was kind of despondent after that, and spent the rest of the night drinking while Khârn spent the rest of the night standing still. Finally, just before we were about to dim the lights, Khârn took in a deep breath, and in a tone of horror and fear, shouted, "LOOK OUT, SLAANESHI WHORE!"

The entire room burst into laughter. Man, what a kidder.

----

"WHERE IS MY EQUERRY?!" Angron's roaring voice echoed throughout the ship, buckling two bulkheads and killing an astropath within the 'anger zone'. The World Eater's Primarch stormed through the corridors with his head held high, smashing it through several ornate archways as his feet battered and dented the floor with each step like the beating of a war drum.

Captain Khârn of the Fifth Assault Company, Equerry of the World Eaters had been admiring the ornate workings of a dreadnought sarcophagus, a low sigh issuing forth from his helmet as he heard his lord approaching. With a thunderous crash, Angron threw his weight against the loudly snoring construct, sending it bowling into a nearby row of its fellows, knocking them all about like skittles.

"TREACHERY! BLOOD! HERESY!" Angron screamed, flecks of spittle splattering all over the equerry's armor, "I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE! IN BLOOD! I'LL KILL HIS FAMILY! ALL OF THEM!"

"What's wrong, my lord?" Khârn asked, his voice low as to not startle his already over-stimulated commander.

Angron thrust a small plastcrete cube in front of the Captain's face, three little movable rows covered in colored squares. Even if it weren't practically being crammed up his nose, Khârn could clearly make out the shapes of Angron's armored fingers forced into every tile.

"WHO MADE THIS?! I WANT TO EAT THEIR SKULL AND LINE MY BED WITH THEIR BONES! BLOOD!" Angron screamed again, utterly soaking Khârn head to toe in spittle.

"I AM AWAKE?! IS IT TIME TO BATTLE?!" One of the dreadnoughts cried out, the sarcophagus merely wobbling on its side without being connected to its proper frame, as Angron and the Tech-priests continued screaming at everything.

"And that" Khârn the Betrayer spoke to his audience of Red Rivers infantrymen, as he ineffectually plinked a skull full of blood against his mouthpiece and spilled it all down his front, "is why I decided to start killing everyone."

----

There were victory celebrations. That much I can remember. Blood and other body fluids flowed.

I woke up on some busted old bed in the remains of what was the Planetary Governor's palace, my blood-and-filth encrusted shirt half-draped out a nearby window. My head was ringing and as I groaned and rolled to my left, I came eye to eye with what I thought was one of those Sororitas. For a moment my heart skipped a few beats and I almost shat myself.

She smiled at me and it all came back. She'd been one of those holy ladies once, but she realized she liked burning and cutting things more than actually praying. Now she was just like me, only with more tattoos to Khorne and a rusty nail put through her lip.

"Hey there beast," that fallen lady grinned, before kissing me on the cheek and giving me a big ol' scar in the process with her 'jewelery', "You guys were phenomenal."

"'You guys'?" I groaned out, whilst rubbing my cheek. It was then I became aware of a shuffling behind me, and hurriedly I rolled over.

There was Khârn, still in full armor, reading a newspaper that was a week old, a cigar jammed in his helmet's respirator.

"Great fight." the fallen sister remarked.

Khârn glanced up from his newspaper and stared at me. After a very long moment, he put out his fist. I did the same, and as we brought our fists together, we both shouted "RESPECT KNUCKLES!" as I felt my entire arm shatter.

----

R&R with the Red Rivers go hand in hand with that of the World Eaters. A rare occasion, usually pretty fun and always violent. Times like these make me wonder why there is so much negativity around Equerry Khârn.

So here we are on this Grand Cruiser that Angron managed to steal, drifting near the Eye of Terror just for the fun of it. Now don't get me wrong I don't fear the Daemons of Khorne, but some Daemonettes really creep me out. On this place we were drifting around there was the odd rift here and there and the occasional daemons that come with them. Several nights in, folks are challenging Khârn to arm-wrestling and many men leave with a shattered wrist. Some Daemonette comes walking in, a bit deranged, and gives it a try.

Let me pause here for a second. I don't like Slaneeshi whores and their deceptive skills, but my dislike falls into void compared to Khârn hate.
So this whore cheats and Khârn just chainaxes its head off before stomping it flat. Next comes a Keeper of Secrets and we all kinda pissed ourselves, until its head is removed by a black Hellblade. We were blessed with a visit of the Skulltaker, and Khârn challenged him to a best of three.

I lost track of how many days passed in this fearsome ordeal of honour, but at some point even Angron stepped in to spectate (of course killing a few other traitor guardsmen in the process of movement) and the Sacred Executioner lost focus for a split second and lost to Khârn 2v1 (the first round won by the daemon in an incredibly tight contest).
So the daemon is pissed, kills a few guys and I lose control of my bowels and soil myself. Khârn then turns to me and misunderstands my arms-raised-in-panic-as-I-duck-to-dodge-Skulltaker's-sword for a high five opportunity. So he blocks the sword and gives me a high-five causing my bones in my arms to exit through my pants.

In this moment of silence and stillness Khârn is the first to react, mimicking my movement and yelling "DO THE CRAPDODGE!"

That night party erupted with this new dance - well, so I was told, as I only woke up three weeks later with Khârn next to my bed, screaming "WAKE UP WE'RE TAKING A HIVE WORLD", scared me shitless. Hell of a guy, that Khârn.

----

Despite all the stories and rumors of him slaughtering his own men, Khârn was actually a fun guy to be around.

I remember a game he would play. "Toss the guardsmen", it was called. Simple game, really. You basically picked up a guardsmen tied to a pole and tried to throw him as far as you could into a field of big pointy metal spikes. Whoever threw the farthest would win. Khârn encouraged me to give it a shot, and despite my misgivings about how weak I was, the big guy talked as if he believed I was the best person for it. So not wanting to disappoint him (and also figuring, "Why the hell not?"), I gave it a go. Not too surprising, I was too weak for the game and only managed to lift the pole (and the guardsmen tied to it) up just enough to have both fall on top of me. At first the Chaos marines started to laugh - well, some of them did; the others made loud grunting noises that sounded like they were trying to loosen some phlegm.

Khârn then walks up to me and says "Here, let me show you how it's done," and proceeds to grab the pole. He takes a step back and launches it into the air. It keeps getting higher and higher and higher. It continues its accent into the sky until eventually; we lose sight of it and just assume that it landed in some random location. As I’m beginning to stand, up alarms go off. We hear from some random cultist that some random regiment from the Imperial guard is attacking us. I get my gear and run into position. I run into a trench and begin to watch for any movement. It takes only a few minutes before I begin to see guardsmen charging towards us. The Khornate cultists and marines do their thing. Screaming “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!” while they hack and bludgeon the loyalists into bloody chunks.

Now, during this, I become aware that Khârn has been standing next to me the whole time. He does nothing but stand perfectly still, neither looking at me nor saying a word. Now during my little space out, the sound of a Baneblade heavy tank approaching us reminds me that I was in the midst of a battle. As I see it get closer and closer to us, I begin to slightly freak out as to how I’m gonna possibly deal with that. The thing stops to aim and proceeds to blow up a group of Khornate berserkers and cultists. Now absolutely terrified, I attempt to run for better cover but find myself paralyzed with fear (along with a need to find a clean pair of pants). Khârn then gets on one knee; rests his hand on my shoulder, points to the Baneblade and says, “You’re going to love this”. Then a most peculiar sound catches my ear. I hear a slight whistling sound, like a basilisk shell falling back to earth. Khârn then points to the sky and sure enough I see a faint object falling toward us. I take it for a shell at first, but then I realize that there would be more if the loyalists were launching an artillery strike. So ruling that out, I continue to stare at it. It gets closer and closer until I can make out its shape slightly. To my amazement, it’s the very same guardsmen tied to the pole from before. He continues to fall, getting faster and faster. Finally against all odds he actually hits the Baneblade and penetrates the armor! Now I’m not sure what exactly did it, and I do have some ideas, but whatever the case was, the tank explodes. The shrapnel and debris go flying and rip several guardsmen (a quite a few cultists as well) to shreds. Khârn turns his head to me and says in the calmest voice, “And THAT is how it’s done.” He jumps out the trench and charges toward the enemy.

Every single one of them died.

Fun guy, that Khârn.

----

Khârn the Betrayer is a pretty surprising guy; he's pretty well known for it, but most of the time people ignore the humorous side of these outbursts of temporary insanity.

One time, after overrunning a refugee camp that hadn't been evacuated in time we decided to engage in some party games to relieve the monotony of senseless slaughter: spin the prisoner, throw the prisoner, shoot the prisoner, prisoner of fortune etc. Now after we blink when one of them gets nailed by a 100 yard headshot from a lasgun. This is pretty impressive considering the general state of most of my regiment’s lasguns. Lately I've taken to just throwing mine at the enemy and finding a corpse to hide under if required to use it in any kind if defensive fashion.

Anyway, the ace yells, "Wooo! One shot!"

The ace is getting high-fives and cheers when Khârn appears behind him. He picks up the lasgun from the ground, overcharges the power pack, and throws it into a group of loyalists standing about a half mile away. It blows them off the face of the planet.

"WOOO!" he yells, fist in the air. "ONE SHOT!"

The guy’s priceless I tell ya. Priceless.

----

You know what the worst thing about besieging a hive for the Ruinous Gods is? It's not being forced to run at the hive so your bodies pile up high enough so your uncaring Traitor Astartes types can climb up you (and boy, when you're pinned under a pile of your dead comrades don't you ALWAYS get an itch?). No, it's the waiting.

We were into the sixth month of the Draxian Persecution. Hive Draxia Primary was this pretty huge hive that had somewhere along the line hopped onto the backside of a mining facility and never gotten off, burying halfway into this huge mountain that tried to race to the top. No biggie for the Red Rivers. They were going to hold us back until a small crack appeared in the defenses and then send us in to die in horrible droves.

The Khorne guys in the army didn't take so well to that, and neither did Khârn. Big fella got really antsy after about the second minute of the siege, and the ball of yarn just wasn't working the way it used to when it came to distracting him.

So we're just waiting for something to happen and Khârn grabs a bunch of us, and asks us politely to come with him. After screaming a little due to his polite request (he had charts about what he was going to do to the entire planet if we didn't. I don't know where he got the stationery), about fifty of the Rivers joined his party to ascend the Draxia Spire-Mountain.

After ten days, three dares of "I bet you can't jump that gap", an avalanche caused by Khârn punching a mountain goat and almost all of us dying in horrible ways, we finally reached the summit of the mountain. Flat on top was that summit almost eerily so... like it had been hacked off by someone with a large axe.

Anyway, we get there and what does Khârn do? Breaks out the marbles. I don't know, I don't know where he keeps getting these things. He challenges the last four of us to a game, and since we had nothing better to do we had a run of it.

Three more fatalities later and it was clear I was going to win. Khârn just didn't have the patience for marbles. He could see my smiling and in return nodded his helmeted head as if to say "Just watch THIS shot, Smug McSmuggy" ... shortly before screaming "TRICK SHOT" and hurling his sole marble down the side of the mountain.

We stood there in silence and watched as the marble plinked from sight, and a rather large amount of debris followed it. This debris loosened even more of it, and the entire mountain began to shake and tear away from the hive. Draxia Primary shuddered a moment, and then began to collapse.

Neither of us looked away from the sheer destruction and loss of life that had just been wrought, and the sound of our respect knuckles tapping together and my entire arm dislocating in the aftershock were muffled even from the great height we were at. It took a further two days for things to settle, and through it all neither of us said a word.

It was Khârn who broke the silence, that competitive look somehow burning from what little I could see of his crazed eyes set in his helmet, as he bent forwards simply so he could stare right into my face. I could see up his nose too. It was pretty gross.

"RACE TO THE BOTTOM"

Don't worry, Khârn made sure it was fair by giving me a head-start. Even pushed me hard enough that I cleared about half of the mountain. Medics are telling me that I should probably be dead instead of unable to move or feel my anything, but Khârn himself told me no one ever won a race by not landing head first in the twisted wreckage of humanity's folly.

He's a deep guy.
----
The absolute worst part about being in the Red Rivers (aside from the food) is interplanetary travel. You would think with the whole falling to ruinous powers thing that you'd be able to get to where you wanted to go easy as pie, but then you take an actual trip and the Chaos Space Marines dragging you along as death fodder burst into fits of laughter when you ask why the Gellar Field hasn't activated. Then a horror crawls out your nose.

Mostly it's the boredom that gets you though, when they stuff you down in the dark holds with nothing to do but play cards and avoid sleeping near the Slaanesh worshippers. It wasn't so bad though. One time we were down there and saw Khârn walking around just knocking on the hold walls. We assumed he'd been asked politely to come down here after once again trying to commandeer the ship and crash it into the other ones so that they could make an explosion to make them go faster. So there he was, just wandering, knocking and listening. Bored as we were, we followed him, just to see where it would go.

Well, it took most of the trip and a great deal of wandering but as the call to prepare for planetfall began to go out, Khârn finally got the knock he wanted, and promptly punched through the wall. Just pulled back and walloped a great big tear in the bulkhead. Which exposed us to space. Khârn saw our looks of horror as the void threatened to pull us out, and quickly made over to grab a few of us then jumped out of the hole, cool as you like.

Well, I've made plenty of planetfalls but never before was I instructed on how to enter the atmosphere surfing on a berserker Chaos Marine. I don't think I'll grow most of my hair or skin back, but I'll have one heck of a story to tell my kids. A story about a heck of a ride on a heck of a guy.
----
High above the world of Peacarius (soon to be renamed SLAUGHTERBLOODDEATH), the World Eaters and Emperor's Children stood waiting aboard Angron's flagship "BLOOD AND MURDER YOU NAME THE BLOODY THING" as their Primarchs held a conference for war. The people of Peacarius were a timid lot, not well versed in the ways of warfare, and had made the fatal error of suing for peace the very second Angron's ships had entered orbit. When Fulgrim arrived it was to find the World Eaters Primarch trying to tape a nuclear warhead to each his fists, but lacking the ability to do it one handed had meant that instead he'd been kicking drop-ships at the Peacarius capital and screaming into space.

The equerry of the World Eaters regarded the perfect array of troops resplendent in the golden aquila, and then his own men as they stood twitching and idly swinging their deactivated chain-axes at one another so they harmlessly bounced off each other's helmets. It was no secret that neither Legion got along, but the orders of their Emperor and their Warmaster were to be obeyed. Khârn let out a sigh, as he heard his Primarch storming down the hallways towards them.

"DAMNATION AND SKULLS" Angron cried out, kicking a bulkhead door open as he forced two screaming Remembrancers into his mouth and ate them, "WHY HAVE WE NOT LEFT YET EQUERRY?!"

"My lord. You destroyed all our landing craft trying to weld them together into a bigger landing craft" Khârn the Equerry answered. In response Angron began to headbutt the floor. Roused from their non-killing stupor, the other World Eaters began to do so as well. Khârn sighed. He wasn't sure he had enough yarn in stock to calm them all down.

"WELL UNTIL WE GET THE THRICE BLOOD DAMNED THINGS I'M GOING TO BE REARRANGING THE SKULL TROPHIES IN MY DAMNED TEN TIMES BLOOD MURDER BEDROOM" Angron screamed, before storming out. Seconds later there was an almighty crash, and the section of the ship that housed Angron could be seen making entry into the planet's atmosphere.

"Do not worry, equerry" Fulgrim spoke softly as he appeared inexplicably behind Khârn, "We will assist your Primarch as best we can..."

Khârn was going to respond, but became distinctly aware of Fulgrim's tongue caressing his ear.

The Traitor Guardsmen eyed each other nervously. They had asked Khârn to tell them another story about his time before the Horus Heresy, but after agreeing to do so, he had begun to sit there staring at the campfire. After a minute froth began to build up around his helmet's mouthpiece, and he crushed the skull he had been drinking from. Everyone was too terrified to move or say a word, each hoping for someone else to make the first move.

They were trapped there for weeks.
----
Khârn the Betrayer, as I've often told skeptics from other legions, is a hell of a guy. His mighty axe isn't his greatest weapon; it's his charm.

Take the battle of Camrae III. We hadn't expected the loyalist legions there to last for more than a week, but the thrice-damned Imperium had managed to sneak a massive Warlord Titan onto the planet without our knowledge. (They'd literally buried it under a mountain. CREEEEEEEEEE...) We'd been trying to kill the thing for a solid month, but wherever the war machine tromped, the legions of Chaos died.

That was, until Tuesday.

On Tuesday, we'd been chasing a legion of weakened Astartes down a long, winding canyon to slaughter them in the name of Khorne, when we heard the war-horn of the Titan braying its triumph as it emerged around a bend in the rocky passage. Our blood turned to water and our knees turned to jelly as we realized that we were trapped in the canyon we had sought to turn to our advantage, about to be undone by the gargantuan deathbringer. The loyalist Astartes hooted at us as the house-sized cannons began to glow with the fire of a thousand suns, warming up our demise, and we gritted our teeth in anticipation of the end.

Then, we saw Khârn.

He was running along the edge of the sheer sides of the rocky canyon, full-tilt, his armor-clad boots kicking rocks, dirt, and occasionally small animals over the cliff face as he sprinted. With both loyalist and Chaos Marine alike looking on in awe, he coiled his legs beneath him, crushing a couple of deep footprints into the solid rock at the cliff edge, and launched himself into the air. For a brief moment, time stood still as he sailed over the heads of the combatants below, his arms gracefully extended like a swan's wings, if that swan had been fathered by a Chaos god and granted an insatiable lust for blood.

With a clang, he landed on the bridge of the Titan, the void shields swirling uselessly around him. He drew back one superhuman fist and punched a giant goddamned hole in the armor of the machine with a sound like two Thunderhawks colliding in midair. His monstrous hands grappled the torn adamantium and as the metal shuddered under the force of his sheer rage he paused as he cast his gaze into the hole he had created.

"TEN POINTS," bellowed Khârn as he continued to peel the Titan's armor back like a car door. Raw sunlight was cast into the titan's cockpit for the first time in millennia, and the crew turned to face their aggressor. The Princeps had just removed himself from the machine but had barely any time to react and only yelped in terror as Khârn ripped him from his control seat and tossed him out into the open air. The red dot that was Khârn scrambled inside and we, at that point, could only figure that he was giving himself a crash course with learning how to pilot the damned thing.

Every warrior froze as the Titan seized up and began jerking about, when from over the sound systems Styx's "Mr. Roboto" began blasting out over the battlefield as the Titan itself began rampaging across the canyon floor. The fighting resumed as quickly as it had halted, the loyalists fighting in a last ditch effort to flee from being caught underfoot by the formerly Imperial-controlled Titan. The men of the Red Rivers could barely aim their lasguns properly as we all roared with laughter through the whole ordeal. As the battle drew to a close, we finally lost it and gripped our sides in laughter as the Titan finally collapsed onto its back and went critical after Khârn cleared the scene. As he came back up to us I raised my arm for a high five, which he gladly obliged and broke every bone in my hand.

As he looked back over the smoking husk and ruined corpses strewn about the canyon I asked him what caused him to lose his balance, and he looked down at me and said, "I WAS TRYING TO GET IT TO BREAKDANCE BUT IT HAD NO SOUL."

That's Khârn for you. Hell of a guy.

----
As I've said countless of times, Khârn The Betrayer is a pretty fun guy to be around. This was incredibly evident at that one specific Take Your Kid To Work Day. Khârn had decided to bring his adopted son that day, and boy, was it hilarious. You see, his son is in to all the crazy stuff that he is, like butchering people in the name of Khorne, but Khârn's son is only a kid.

Well, we were advancing on a hive city, when a squad of Imperial Fists terminators ran up to aid the besieged guardsmen. Khârn's son, with his father not too far behind, jumped up, and wildly swung at the loyalists with his axe. After they had dispatched the squad, Khârn gave his son a big pat on the back that would have crumpled the spine of a normal human and said, "SON, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!". He was so happy, it almost looked like he was crying. Then his son just said "Daddy, I'm bored. Let's play a game!" He then proceeded to pick up two of the fallen space marines' Thunder Hammers, tossed one to Khârn, and then ran towards the entrenched Imperial Guard. What happened next was probably one of the funniest things you will ever see. He was playing Whack-A-Mole with the Guardsmen. Every time one of them popped up, he immediately smashed them with the hammer, causing huge waves of gore to fly across the battlefield. Khârn, after he realized what his son was doing, joined in with the fun. After a few minutes, the trench was turned into a pool of red paste, and all the guardsmen were dead. Khârn walked back towards us, and said "I HAVEN'T HAD THIS MUCH FUN IN YEARS!" He then gave offered me a fist pump, which liquified every muscle in my arm.

Hell of a guy, that Khârn.
----
So me and my detachement of Traitor Guardsmen were stationed with a World Eater warband around Cyrax-VII. Warmaster Abaddon had declared he wanted the planet purged and that we were to sent him the heads of all Imperials on the main hive cities. I don't know why he wanted that, but talk was someone down there had made a really lousy song called "The Ballad of No-Armsbaddon" and he couldn't abide that. Anyway, we were sitting on the trenches desperately trying to get this brand-new Autocannon to work, when the ground trembles beneath us and the sun seems to go out for some reason. I just went back to trying to dislodge the autocannon's firing mechanism with a piece of someone's femur, I figured one of the World Eaters had decided to try and pilot a Melta Bomb and had exploded in the atmosphere.

Anyway I realized my fellow Traitor Guardsmen had stopped talking, so I looked up. Right there at the edge of the trench was a Blood Angel Dreadnought just staring at us, actually leaning down on us as if trying to figure out what we were, or doing whatever Dreadnoughts call leaning.

"WAIT A MINUTE, THIS ISN'T MY SIDE OF THE BATTLE LINE".

I felt my inner ear liquefy right on the spot.

So, anyway, it had gotten lost see, but now he knew he was actually looking down on Traitor Guardsmen.

Well, what did we do you ask me ? Well, I just flung the Autocannon away and focused very hard on digging a hiding-hole on the ground with my bare-hands. Few of my fellow Guardsmen tried to open fire with their Lasguns and some yelled and did this little dance.

The Dreadnought just started spinning his Power-Fist in the air and stomping everything.

"FEEL THE EMPEROR'S WRATH! DIE IN HOLY FIRAH! NO MERCY OR DESPAIR! PREPARE TO BE PURGED!"

So anyway, in half-way through the hole already when I realized there's not enough time, so I decided just to close my eyes and wait for it. Maybe the Dreadnought wouldn't rip me limb by limb, instead just blowing me into ashes with its flamer and maybe some Daemon wouldn't use my soul as toilet paper. I might just be that lucky, you'd be surprised how much luck counts.

But right at that moment the Dreadnought just simply stops dead in is tracks. If Dreadnoughts had expressions I'd tell you this one looked very confused. I head this loud sound of metal being torn open and the Dreadnought just moved in the awkward position, knees caved in and... urh... whatever it has for an ass, tucked backwards. Then it started to shake itself from one side to the other. You could hear the servo units being crushed and torn apart, and the Marine corpse inside being awfully frustrated.

"WAIT A MINUTE...WHAT THE... WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON."

Then out of nowhere, this huge Khornate Berserker just erupts from the Dreadnought's sarcophagus, covered in amniotic fluid and blood, sending sharp shards of ceramite flying everywhere.

It was Kharn. He had crawled inside the Dreadnought's behind and burst out the other end.

Boy let me tell you, we were terrified. We had heard about Khârn's reputation and we just thought about the word "From the frying pan into the fire", because the Dreadnought was dead, but now we were facing this guy known Galaxy-wide as "The Betrayer".

I was about to go back into digging my hole when we realized Khârn was giggling. Actually giggling.

We looked up and he was just standing there, waist deep inside a Dreadnought sarcophagus and holding his hands next to his massive chest as if they where tiny claws.

"LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I'M AN ALIEN! SCREEEEE! SCRREEE!!!"

We just lost it right there, and started laughing. Kharn scrambled back inside the Dreadnought and pulled down some pieces of the dead Marine from inside along with some Power Cables. He then piloted the Dreadnought carcass right into the Emperor's Children detachment while yelling "SCRREEEEEE!", stomping around and picking up Emperor's Children marines to fling at us yelling "CATCH!"

It took a whole battalion of Black Legionnaires to convince him he was not an Alien.
----
I can't say it enough. Khârn the Betrayer is such a great guy. Us Red Rivers were stationed on some Death World fighting a greenskin horde, and we were in the middle of this massive blizzard. The snow was so deep that only Dreadnoughts could make any headway through it, and the lot of us Traitor Guardsmen were frozen and thoroughly miserable. Every time we got attacked, we lost another company, and there was lots of grumbling about the lack of help from the Chaos Marines.

Anyway, on this one attack, the greenskins crashed over the top of this snowdrift we were hiding behind. A bloodbath follows as we try to take down these berserk Orks. Limbs are flying everywhere, and I'm crouching in a puddle of pee, hunkered behind a big pile of snow. A couple of squads try to run away and the next thing I know, they're flying through the air with their armour smashed to pieces.

Khârn had been standing behind our lines trying to contemplate the existence of the number three.

He turned around and sneezed as a bit of snow got up his nose, promptly breaking every bone in the Traitor Guardsmen's bodies. Shouting "GO AWAY"" he reduced the greenskin horde to shredded meat with sheer, concentrated rage (and causing a minor earthquake in the process). The entire area gets spattered with pieces of flesh and broken bone, and Kharn grabs the closest surviving Guardsman.

"ALL I WANTED WAS SOME PEACE AND QUIET"

He's stood there melting the snow with the intensity of his anger, and suddenly throws the Guardsman through the air shouting "DUCK HUNT!" and empties the Guardsman's bolter mag into him, causing the body to explode in a bloody mist.

Khârn turns to me, causing me to soil myself all over again, then gestures at the ruined Guardsmen covered in gore.

"MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES"

Despite my terror I start laughing hysterically and hold up my hand for a high five at his joke. He shattered my arm into thirty-eight pieces and it took them a week to dig me out of the snowdrift.

Boy, what a comedian, that Khârn.

==The Wrath of Khârn==

With the aide of his crew, Admiral Kirk must stop an old nemesis, Khârn...{{BLAM|HERESY! *BLAM*}}

And old short story about Khârn getting shit done [[rip and tear|the Khorne-approved way!]] Too long; too awesome. Moved [[The Wrath of Kharn|to its own page]].

==Record from the Scions of Darkness==
''Recorder:'' Dark Magos Wilhelman

In all the years I've been with this Tzeentchan warband, few things could prepare me for the sight that awaited me on Vasiria Secondus. Our Lord and his contingent of Sorcerers were preparing a great ritual, one that would pull the world into a massive warp-storm, and leaving the world ours to pillage, to conquer, and fortify. The planet's local PDF proved wholly incapable of stopping us, but were proving nonetheless irksome, with protracted artillery barrages from their Griffons keeping both our marines and machinery bunkered down behind cover, lest they be caught in the path of an oncoming round.

In 2 days of steady bombardment, our Lord apparently had lost his patience with the Guardsmen, and instructed his cabal of Sorcerers to continue a ritual to bring forth a tide of Daemons. The Sorcerers began work immediately in the confines of a shattered basilica of the false Emperor, and after nearly a day of sonorous chanting, the ritual began to bear fruit as a yawning rift in real-space began to open...

...And then, it happened. A bellowing scream issued forth from the fledgling daemon-gate, and echoed coldly in our ears.

'''BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!'''

And there he was.

Tearing himself from the rift was a red-clad, gore-covered warrior, roaring chainaxe in hand, cackling in manic glee as he landed on the basilica's cracked marble floor. The cultist troops of our lord opened fire on the Khornate as he charged forward, their Autoguns pattering off his armor. Stepping forth was my Lord, who drew his Daemonblade, green warp-fire engulfing its surface as he readied to face down this crimson-armored menace, when, inexplicably, the Khornate marine paused, turned towards the Sorcerers who were now backing away, and charged forth again, leaping into the midst and sending them clattering to the floor. Reaching down, the Berserker grabbed for the Sorcerer's force staves, gathering them up under one arm and charging up the stairs, before kicking open the basilica's reinforced door and running out into the streets, laughing with riotous glee.

We heard screams, lasfire, and explosions. And then... Silence.

The Sorcerers slowly collected themselves, and the cultists moved to reinforce the door. Hours passed, and we slowly emerged from the basilica to find that the PDF was no more, every single one of the Sorcerers' force staves were thrust firmly into the engine block of each and every artillery vehicle. Scores of men lay dead from the subsequent explosions. We only learned later from Brother Panthus, a Raptor Champion, that Khârn had apparently delivered these killing blows by walking up on the ridge, and throwing the staves really, ''really'' hard. After killing the Guardsmen, he moved forward to continue a rampage into the city, slaughtering several landing members of the [[White Scars]] who were helping evacuate the civilians.

It was the first time I had ever seen my Lord in a state of stunned silence. It was [[just as planned]], but for reasons not even the Sorcerers of Tzeentch had expected. A dark chuckle rang out from my Lord as he crossed his arms and overlooked the carnage.

''"Hell of a guy, that Khârn."''

[[Image:Champs.jpg|thumb|right|800px|The Champ AND the President, ARE HERE!!! Everyone else, such as Roman Reigns/Brock Lesnar/Undertaker AND Trump/Obama/Reagan, are PHONIES!!!]]

== [[Crunch| On the Tabletop]] ==
===Warhammer 40,000===
Kharn has always been a deadly combat monster. He's not as strong as [[Abaddon]], but he's significantly cheaper and still one of the best fighters in the game. His main characteristics have always been hitting everything on a 2+, hitting allies if he rolls a 1, and Khorne's hatred of pyskers giving him extra resistance to psyker powers used against him. His popularity apparently did not go unnoticed, considering that in between the 3rd and 4th editions, he was improved by having his cost lowered and Gorechild getting an extra [[D6]] against vehicle armor. His power meant that armies that didn't use a [[Daemon Prince]] would typically use Kharn since he was considered the most cost effective melee option, or Abaddon if they were willing to spend the points (poor [[Lucius]] got overshadowed for specializing in something the previous three were already pretty good at). Like Abaddon, he briefly took a hit in the 6th edition due to [[power weapon]]s being declared AP3, but then changed to AP2 with even more attacks and strength than before. His main drawbacks, aside from attacking allies, are that he's no more durable than a normal Chaos Lord. Kharn's main draw is that, despite his cost, he can conceivably take on any sort of enemy he can charge; having 2D6 armor penetration and an upwards of 7 attacks on the charge backed by an effective strength 7 (5 base, +1 from Gorechild, +1 from Furious Charge) and AP2, he can literally kill anything in the game and can even devastate infantry blobs, which is the standard method of dealing with characters like him. And now he has a pre-heresy mini next to the standard mini, thanks to Forge World.

Note that statistically, Kharn has enough special rules and attacks to blow up an Imperial Knight Titan on the charge in one turn (due to his insane initiative, this happens before the Knight even gets to react). However this is not recommended as the Knight will blow up and take Kharn with it. If you're willing to make the trade though, remember that Kharn is just over half of the Imperial Knight's points. You can also chip away at warlord titans, thanks to armourbane and ALWAYS HITTING ON 2+

Oddly, despite being the top dog among Khorne's mortal champions, Kharn lacks any presence in the Khorne Daemonkin codex, where he'd be able to team up with Daemons who won't pussy out because they got their asses kicked in combat without risk of a random mutation and gain armywide FNP or +1 Attacks. Yeah, you could take them as allies, but it's not the same thing.

[[Image:GiotaTsirouFaceboook.jpg|left|thumb|800px|Giota Tsirou, a 200 pound girl of short stature displaying unrivaled hotness!]]

===Warhammer 40,000 8th Edition===
Khârn is still one hell of a swell guy in 8th edition. He now has 5 wounds and a 4++ invulnerable save, making him a bit less of a glass cannon. He sports a rocking base 6 attacks (a lot in this edition) and the ability to fight ''[[Rape|twice]]'' per turn instead of once, for a whopping 12 attacks in a single turn. If not more against Imperium foes, since the new generic Chaos rule ''Death to the False Emperor!'' rule gives him [[exploding dice]], gaining extra attacks on to-hit rolls of 6 in melee (these bonus attacks cannot explode further). Gorechild ignores all negative modifiers to-hit so Kharn is ''always'' hitting on a 2+, is S:+1 AP:-4 D:d3 meaning he will put a lot of hurt on anything he faces with his humongous amount of attacks. His plasma pistol is S:8 AP:-3 D:2, though with Gets Hot Classic Edition (on a '1' he suffers a mortal wound, no invuln allowed; but this is still better than a normal supercharged plasma pistol that would ''kill him instantly'' if it got hot).

Not everything is good though, since he lost 'furious charge' (he hits at S6 whatever happens), is no longer almost immune to psychic powers and he can ''never'' re-roll to-hits of 1 in melee (which is weird because there's a lot of auras out there that let other characters reroll 1's; including his very own aura). For you fluff fanatics, his misses are still allocated to friendly models as usual, he's 'The Betrayer' after all. Like all characters, he also has a command ability, ''Kill, Maim, Burn!'' which allow friendly <World Eaters> units to re-roll missed to-hit rolls... within 1" of him. Yeah... One measly inch. (I mean, even [[Lucius the Eternal|the self-obsessed preening peacock]] has a 6" aura to boost fellow EC.) This is... rather underwhelming in an edition where characters are supposed to be less one-man-armies; but force multipliers boosting their underlings instead. Hilariously enough, ''Kill, Maim, Burn!'' allow to re-roll all hit rolls and since you can take World Eater Havocs, you could stick Khârn in their midst and have him whisper pure accuracy in their ears, re-rolling Lascannon shots or Heavy Bolter shots like there is no tomorrow. 8th edition Khârn has truly become Commissar Khârn.

[[Image:FWKharn.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Khârn from Forgeworld.]]

==Chosen of Khorne==
Kharn now stars in his own audio drama and he also has a secondary role in the audio drama "Butcher's Nails". Listen to this shit. Spoilers: In a move that should surprise no one, he betrays everyone. Also, it seems he acquires himself a cool-headed equerry (who is also old enough to remember the War Hounds times). Oh, the irony. Shows up in "Trials of Azrael" again being an oddly cool-headed guy for what he is.

==Quotes==

{{topquote|Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn!|Kharn}}
{{topquote|Only a fool takes Khârn for a mindless brute or a rabid dog. Under that blood-soaked helm lurks an intelligence and cunning that makes him a masterful killer. Trust me when I say that there is a dark purpose to his madness.|The [[Abaddon|Armless Failure]] about Khârn. Pretty [[awesome]].}}
{{topquote|STOP HITTING YOURSELF! STOP HITTING YOURSELF! STOP HITTING YOURSELF!|Captain Kharn, showing his gratitude for how [[Argel Tal|Erebus treated his best friend, and surprisingly enough refrain from team-killing]]}}
{{topquote|Get up.|Kharn, after dropping Erebus to his knees in a duel to the death, for the third time in the novel Betrayer}}
===See also===
*[[Abaddon at the Therapist]]

==Gallery==
<Gallery>
File:Kharn-bloodied.jpg|One of the best Pictures depicting this badass.
File:Kharn by elizaveta bikuin-d4e39x5.jpg|During his more earlier days, His armor fully covered in blood.
File:Kharn-chosen-of-khorne.jpg|The Chosen of Khorne cover art.
File:Kharn the betrayer by alexboca-d792nt5.jpg|Like a boss.
File:Kharn's fury.jpeg|Here we can see him punching some naked guys... Enjoying yourself?
File:Fags!.jpg|Kharn, showing some Naruto faggots not to mess with warhammer 40k.
File:Awesomeness.JPG|SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!!
File:K-s-new-pose.jpeg| ... his new Mini.
File:Kharn_approves.jpg
</Gallery>

{{Template:Chaos-Marines}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Chaos]][[Category: Chaos Space Marines]]
[[Category:Stories]][[Category:Stories/Warhammer 40,000]]

Kharn

2018-08-17T11:56:55Z

2A02:587:3A12:6900:4D37:3817:75A4:92DE:

{{awesome}}
{{Topquote|It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.|Mark Twain}}
{{Topquote|Hmm... this [[World Eaters|War Hound]]'s name is 'Kharn'... 'KHARN'... Could he turn to worship...? Nah, too obvious.|[[The Emperor|Emps]], prior to Kharn worshiping Khorne}}
{{Topquote|He hated them, you know.|Kharn, when asked about Angron's opinion of his bodyguards}}

[[Image:Kharn fun guy.gif|thumb|right|250px|Khârn the Betrayer, also known as '''Conan In Space''' is one of the few Space Marines of whom we have actual PROOF of having huge muscles.]] '''Khârn the Betrayer''' is an (in)famous [[Khorne]] Berzerker who revels in bloodshed. He's arguably the fifth most powerful (ex-)mortal champion of Khorne, behind the [[World eaters|World Eaters]] [[Primarch]] [[Angron]], [[Doombreed]], [[Ka'bandha]] and [[An'ggrath]]. He is Khorne's greatest mortal champion. And being mortal means you can [[/tg/_gets shit done|get shit done]]. As is likely evident, Khârn truly enjoys beautiful bloodshed. And it is almost always he who is causing the shedding, caring little for those caught in the hilarious and fulfilling crossfire; he does not care at all. And so he has cultivated a wholly deserved reputation as a [[Battle of Skalathrax|teamkilling fucktard]] (in ''[[Warhammer 40,000]]'' rules, this is represented by assigning any close combat attacks he makes that miss the enemy to friendly units instead).

Despite him being a blood-crazed fiend who might decapitate and mutilate the guy next to him, Khârn is quite frankly a delightful fellow to be around. Despite his horrid reputation, he is actually a deep-minded and fun-loving sort of bloke in or outside of glorious, exalted combat. A truly rare breed of super-human, who just wants to have wild and heretical times with his friends. He does not care whether you are a traitor Guardsman or a fellow Chaos Space Marine, unless of course you are an effete pansy who worships [[Slaanesh]], or the enemy, in which case he'll kill you the first chance he gets.

==The man himself==
Before the [[Horus Heresy]], Khârn served as Primarch Angron's equerry, able to keep himself safe from his Primarch's raging bouts and [[wikipedia:Tourette syndrome|Tourette]]-like outbursts. He was also one of the extreme few persons within the Imperium who was capable of talking sense into his eternally angry Primarch most of the time (along with Lorgar, sometimes; and Lotarra Sarin, rarely). The best example of this is how he managed to convince Angron to command the then War Hounds legion, after killing every other captain who tried to negotiate.

Khârn himself was also more cool and composed back then, although he still is now....compared to other World Eater marines anyways (even before Isstvan he's credited with massacres that make Death Guard feel a bit ill). Of course, by the standards of regular Space Marines, he, like the rest of his Legion, was still an unstable, murderous barbarian, second only to [[wikipedia:The Kurgan|Clancy Brown's character]] in the first ''Highlander'' film. Although, in comparison to what he has become, he was rather tame. He even had a treasured bromance with [[Argel Tal]], a Word Bearer's Captain, alas, doomed the moment Erebus found out and killed him. Kharn responded in kind (after having been informed by Lorgar who killed his bff, proving that even Lorgar hates Erebus' slimy self) by challenging Erebus to a duel to the death and beating him mercilessly. Lost records amount to Kharn grabbing both of Erebus' fists and punching him repeatedly in the face with them for half an hour, chanting cries of "STOP HITTING YOURSELF" throughout the ordeal. Khârn was also bros with [[Sigismund]], 1st Captain of the [[Imperial Fists]] and founder of the [[Black Templars]], before Horus [[Horus Heresy|fucked everything up]].

It seems the internecine slaughter on Isstvan III is what set him on the path of Khorne worship for good - he tells Garviel Loken "I am the 8-fold path" during their duel (athough when he afterwards hears of the 8-fold path, he only has strange uncomfortable sensation - maybe best compared to some half-remembered fever-dream). Loken escapes by nudging Khârn onto the sharpened prow of a Land Raider. Skane and Kargos told him about this indicent after his recovery. Interestingly, Kharn does not remember the fight itself, all he knows is that he almost died on Istvaan III. Also, no World Eater worshipped Khorne until the later dates of Heresy, which is even more interesting, considering World Eaters atheistic attitude started to change only after [[Angron]]'s ascension, and that was a slow process. He also killed one million people at the battle of Terra before dying.

During his time as a loyalist, he served as a Marine in the World Eaters Legion, but after the Horus Heresy he, like the rest of his Legion, become a freelancer of sorts and so he serves Noone and Khorne. In fact, Noone is the only human in existence that Khârn won't kill, because like Khârn, [[wikipedia:Peter Noone|Peter]] is just a swell guy.
[[Image:Kharn Pre-Heresy.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Khârn before he became the Betrayer.]]

If Platinum games ever made a 40k action game then the player character would definitely be Kharn. Seriously what other character in the whole universe is allowed to be so freakishly strong, fast and metal enough to jump off a hive city tower landing onto a Titan's out stretchered arm dodging fire from gun barrels jutting outwards from it's hull. Using all the momentum from the Titan's movement to launch himself through the command deck's viewing window while spinning through the air weapons pointed outwards shattering the reinforced glass and killing crew members closest to the windows then slaughtering the rest of the crew on deck and finishing the Titan off by ramming its princeps into its machine spirit cogitators causing it to overload all systems and falling backwards from the trauma. Then Kharn exits the way he came in leaping outwards and being propelled through the air by an explosion while remixed metal plays in the background. This hasn't happened yet, but if Platinum made it, then you bet your ass it would have. (Well that's what Khorne fags think, really they would pick Lelith Hesperax since her sexy stylized combat fits them better than Kharn's "God of War" shit) (This anon seconds that notion even though an action vidya starring Hesperax would more or less be Bayonetta with a R rating). Or it could be a Madworld style game with Kharn killing left and right just for the lulz. Kharn's name also seems similar to [[Derp|Khorne (Khar'neth in the Dark Tongue of Warp Daemons)]]; strange how no one seems to have seen his Heresy coming.

His name is derived from the Arabic word for Betrayer, so as far as Arab Chaos players are concerned, his name is <s>[[Derp|'Betrayer the Betrayer'.]] Lulz.</s> They can deal with 'Betrayer the Champion of Khorne'.

Khârn's showed up in a few books so far, and they consistently show that when he's not fighting, he's actually a pretty smart and classy motherfucker. One particular audiobook detailing when he helped out a buddy of his in some [[Rip and Tear|convoluted Khornate politics]], and he really does have the sense of humor that doesn't put him above [[Troll|trolling]] the other World Eaters when they're muckin' about. [[Battle of Scalathrax|Just like that one time.]] Khârn even takes it all in stride and puts some time aside to imagine how he's gonna kill and betray them. Swell guy that one.

Fun Khârn fact: He is in fact of Terran ''Uralian'' (Siberian-Russian) descent like the Kurgan from Highlander, which meshes well with Angron being a Spartacus clone and the World Eaters basically being in essence Roman-era German Barbarians in SPESS. His voice sounds like a Russian Arms Dealer, which is [[awesome]]. Also a possible reincarnation of [[Awesome|Lu Bu]].

Khârn is also, '''as a matter of fact''', one of the oldest living Space Marines in the universe, having been born on Terra before the Great Crusade, during the Unification Wars; [[Ahzek Ahriman]] and Merir [[Fallen|Astelan]] (one of the first 5,000 Space Marines, and a Fallen Angel) is his only known competition for the title.

As the latest (albeit rough draft) FAQ shows, he does also not care about not seeing the enemy, allowing him to kill even invisible units on a 2+.

==Anecdotes About Khârn==

[[Image:New_Comissar.jpg|thumb|right|In Khârn, we trust! NOT HERESY!!! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!! *chop*]]
{{Story}}
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRVcdLPqoHg| Now on youtube]

As I always say, Khârn the Betrayer was pretty fun to be around, and contrary to popular belief he actually had a sense of humor as well. Probably the best example was in the middle of the campaign during a sweeping of an Imperial Guard command post, with Khorne Berserkers and our Red Rivers company marching directly into the defensive fire. The closer we got, the more apparent it became that the only thing holding the Guardsmen together was a grizzled looking Commissar in full uniform, one gun turned on us and another firing on any of his men who looked like running.

Khârn was at the tip of the assault, and so he got to the Commissar first, plucking the screaming officer up by the neck and holding him over his head.

Then, out of nowhere one of the other berserkers grabs the Commissar's legs and roars "MAKE A WISH!". Well, as you can imagine everyone on both sides forgets about the fight, and watches Khârn and this other Khorne-worshiping marine just start pulling on this Commissar at both ends, the old man screaming out oaths and curses like you wouldn't believe! You could almost hear the sound of flesh tearing and bone snapping over the cheering.

Then, Khârn just let go. Totally not expecting it and pulling with all his might, the Khorne Berserker just falls backwards and starts tumbling with the near dead Commissar into a damaged hellhound, his armor grating off it and sparking!

Well, after the explosion we all turned back to Khârn, who had managed to keep a hold of the Commissar's fancy hat. Ol' Khârn put it on, and damned if it wasn't the funniest thing any of us had ever seen... till he turned to us and bellowed "I'M THE NEW COMMISSAR" at us.

They tell me five thousand traitor guardsmen died that day before someone could take that hat off him.

What a kidder!

----
[[Image:KharnTheCommissar.jpg|thumb|right|Sporting his new hat.]]
Contrary to popular belief, Khârn the Betrayer was a pretty fun guy to be around during a blood-letting campaign. Sure, he'd get so wrapped up in the blood-lust that he'd butcher friend and foe alike but it's not like you didn't get a fair warning from his name or anything.

I served in the traitor guardsman legions known as the Red Rivers, because we got sent in first to soften up the positions and you could see our progress by the red river of our blood. I kept running into Khârn during one of the bigger scourging campaigns, and he wasn't dickish about the whole him being a space marine and me being killed by flashlights or angry glances at all.

The first time I saw him, I was on perimeter patrol at one of our forward outposts, we'd just overrun a Sororitas non-militant chapel, and I was watching from afar when Khârn strides up, cool as you like, holding the largest stone pillar I've ever seen. I turned back and the whole chapel was falling down. He'd just ripped the thing right out and was carrying it on his shoulder!

Then, if that wasn't insane enough he went and hefted this enormous pillar through the air, and crushed the entire congregation of Slaaneshi, all in one go.

I was just standing there dumbfounded when Khârn looked at me, noticing me for the first time, yet not surprised by my presence at all. He held his palm out, and I obliged him a high five. He'd earned it.

Shattered every bone in my arm doing it though.

Nice guy, that Khârn.

----
[[Image:Kharn loev khitten.jpg|thumb|right|Khârn, being a /b/tard.]]
The second time I crossed paths with Khârn was in a later stage in the campaign. We were besieging one of the major hives of the planet, and I tell you what, that place was locked up tighter than Macha's pants. My commander, Oxlor the Vilest, was stuck in an argument with some idiot leader of some group of Death Guard. You could see the smell, it was so bad. I could tell Oxlor wasn't happy, since everyone knows the Death Guard's answer to everything is to just walk at it and watch your bits fly off. Not so good for us soft and squishy guys.

Out of nowhere, this big hand grabs our commander by the shoulder and just hefts him aside, three whole trenches back where he rebounds off a basilisk. The crew was so shocked they fired off a round on a horrible trajectory, and the shell streaked high into the sky.

Khârn the Betrayer just dusts himself down, and then picks back up what he had been holding. Now, I'm no Techpriest and I never will be, but I know a nuclear warhead when I see it. I don't know where he got it.

No one says anything, so The Betrayer just punches the Plague marine in the face, and stuffs the warhead into the leaking mess of his stomach while he was still reeling.

No run up, no preparation. He just fucking throws the other marine into the air at the hive. For a moment it actually looks like he's thrown the warp-damned fool OVER the hive, but as he flies over the top the basilisk shell comes down and spears him through the whole hive! There's a low boom noise, the ground shakes, and then the whole hive explodes!

Everything clears, and Khârn looks at me, and I feel about one foot tall. I don't know if he recognized me, but he leans down and whispers. Khârn WHISPERS to me.

"I was trying to hit the Emperor's Children on the other side" he confides in me, and then nudges me as though it's supposed to be our little secret.

I was in traction for a MONTH.

----
I've been fairly insistent to you readers out there that Khârn the Betrayer was a pretty fun guy to be around. I know he gets a bad rap for the whole 'slaughtering his own allies' thing, but unless you've been there after a battle with him you don't really appreciate how much he strives to please his chaos god.

It was after one of our many conflicts that the Red Rivers Infantry were preparing to march on to our next destination. Never mind that it was half the planet away, we Traitor Guardsmen didn't get transport vehicles. So as you can imagine when someone declared they'd found an Imperial Drop-ship in working condition everyone clamored and fought to get a free ride to our next engagement.

Knowing full well I was too far away to get on the ship, I stayed with some of my fellow traitors at the battlefield. I'd seen Khârn after the battle, and as soon as we'd gotten our marching orders he was picking up corpses and putting them down elsewhere. This took an hour before he was satisfied, and seeing an audience he happily led us up onto a hill as the drop-ship flew a pass over the top of us, probably to gloat. Proudly, Khârn gestured to the battlefield, and then waved up at the drop-ship with his other hand. I peered down the hill, and realized he'd arranged the bodies to make out words, so many killed to form:

On your drop ship hull 
I planted a melta bomb 
Blood for the Blood God 

It was at that point the drop-ship erupted in a violent plume, and crashed down on top of the haiku. Roaring in a cheer, we lifted Khârn up together and made to carry him to the next battlefield as a sign of our appreciation and devotion to his art.

We got about five paces before our spines liquefied, but Khârn didn't hold it against us for trying.

Seriously, what a guy.

----
[[image:KHARN LOEV FLASHLIGHT.jpg|thumb|Khârn's not afraid to switch things up every once in a while]]
I've always said Khârn the Betrayer is a heck of a guy in spite of his reputation. But even I have often wondered just which side of him was more prevalent. The great guy or the butcher?

I got my answer when The Red Rivers sacked an Adeptus Mechanicus primary research facility. Aided by renegade tech priests we opened the bulkhead doors of the Head Magos's research chamber, and ended his life. In this room was a huge throne that the Magos used, a massive collection of wires around a cold metal frame used to interface with the facility.

Grinning, a guardsman jumped onto the throne and yelled "HEY GUYS! I'M THE EMPEROR!". We barely had time to chuckle before hearing a loud clang behind us.

Behind us stood Khârn, his axe having slipped from his grasp as he stared at us. We weren't sure what was happening till frothing blood began to spill out his helmet.

With a roar of anger that drowned out our own cries Khârn rushed the throne, ripping it out of the wall over his head as the guardsman remained sitting in it screaming helplessly. With a cry of "REVENGE!" Khârn drove the entire throne through the floor, utterly destroying it and the guardsman in an explosion of gore. We ran.

I was too slow and the other guys sealed the bulkhead behind them, leaving me alone and cowering as Khârn advanced. He was almost upon me when he stopped and burst out laughing at me.

"APRIL FOOLS!"

Rattled but relieved, I burst into an exhausted laugh at the clever gag. Suitably pleased, Khârn slapped me on the back and praised me for being such a good sport. The Tech Priests tell me they've never seen a bulkhead breached by a human body before, but that's Khârn for you. Heck of a guy.

----

It was a normal day, just like any other, almost. Commissars were shooting their men, etc. But there I was, with the Red Rivers, sitting on some shithole of a bunker, when we just heard this loud crash. Of course, we thought it was an attack, it being in the middle of the damn night and all. A few of the guardsmen jumped next to the bunker wall, while I hit the ground. Suddenly, another crash was heard, this time closer. It sounded like it came from the inside of the bunker.

“IT’S MY DAY OFF!” Khârn spoke as he broke the reinforced concrete wall, smashed a few guardsman directly in his path, and ran off. I didn’t know what had happened until a bit later.

Across the land, several hundred kilometers out, lived a farmer, who took care of his heard of bronto-cattle. When he awoke this day, he grabbed his boots, put on his hat, got his tools, and stepped out the door, where several hundred dinosaur sized cattle were flipped on their backs with their insides scatter around the field. Carved in each one with what looked like a rusty fence post was the words “IT’S MY DAY OFF”.

Blood of the people, skin of the innocent, bones of the pure, all laid out in a complex pattern. The cultists performed the exact ritual, syllable to movements, all in accordance with whatever Tzeentch had wished. Skies were darkening, wildlife fleeing, storms that shouldn’t happen this time of year started appearing. Then, out from the bushes, Khârn leapt, slamming a cultist into the arrangement, and instantly turning him into liquefied pulp. Across the land, a sound of a giant record stopping was heard.

A single cultist watched as Khârn continued on his way, oblivious to the ritual.
“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that”. He was then instantly destroyed.

The commissar watched the mountains surrounding him. Fortified in his city, waiting for the forces of Chaos to come, all he needed was to wait until-
“ENEMY SPOTTED. FIRE ON COORDINATES” A voice screamed through his earpiece. The basilisks quickly responded, firing at all the coordinates shouted through the comm. units. Eventually, they exhausted their ammo.
The Commissar looked on the mountains, expecting to see the ruined army of Chaos. Instead, he saw nothing but splintered trees and rocks, and the craters from the barrage, which seemed to spell out “IT’S MY DAY OFF!”

----

You know, being a part of a Chaos Campaign isn't just one great big conga line of decadence and killing like they probably tell you in the cults. There's lots of long moments where you're sitting in some shattered ruin waiting for the sorcerers to finish divining the next place to move. During these times I try to find whatever books I can and just read a bit. Sometimes you just get propaganda, but occasionally you find something someone has hidden away from all eyes. Heretical stuff.

I found this one book in the city of Majoris Prime, bound in black leather with a big funny looking cross on it. It was full of verses and stories about a single God who did a lot of crazy shit to his followers, then had a son and killed him. It was like reading about Tzeentch without the tentacles.

That was about the time Khârn found me, apparently bored with beating the Slaanesh worshippers. He asked me what I was reading, and unable to quite explain it I passed the book to him. The berserker flicked through the first few pages idly, then as though captivated kept flicking through rapidly, head turning as he ran down the pages at lightning speeds as though possessed... I waited for him to say something, but for the longest time he just seemed entranced.

At last he looked up, staring not at me but into the distance as if struck by a revelation. I was scared, more than usual.

"I..." he started, "I have completely forgotten how to read."

Then he dared me to eat the book. A great time was had by all.

----

Down time between raids can be pretty boring, especially in the case of the Convent Complex of Decapitus IV, where the victims kill themselves before you get to them, and the crazies have nothing to torture. The Slaanesh guys are the worst. Without something to toy with they get all antsy and bother everyone.

The Red Rivers had deployed to a hillside nearby the complex, mostly just taking stock of our own dead's gear and handing it out to one another. Most of us were Khorne boys, but there were always a few that had to be different.

I was doing a quick search for more gear when I heard a series of almighty squeals, and a pair of bodies hurtled through the trees to my feet. I didn't have time to do anything before a head also came flying out and struck me in the face with an almighty crack. Broke my nose and knocked me dizzy.

When my head cleared I found Khârn standing over me, with a small beret on. In one hand he had a paint brush, the other a little board with paints on it (though they were all just shades of red).

"SORRY ABOUT THAT" Khârn yelled, much to my chagrin with the headache and all. He explained that he was painting, and the two fellows (Slaanesh, typical) had been giving him critique when all he wanted was a bit of peace. Once I'd gotten my bearings, I stood up and he showed me his work.

"Khârn it... it looks like a painting of my eyes?" We shared a deep stare for a moment, then Khârn looked back to his work with a sigh.

"I WAS TRYING TO DRAW A DUCK"

----

The Annual Red Rivers costume party is more than just a traditional excuse to get drunk and invite some Daemonettes over, and - at least to me and those few of us who lived through last year's - it will forever serve as yet another shining example of how Khârn's just a great guy to party with.

There we were, having a blast. The disco lights were flashing, and we had an entire (formerly) Imperial planet all to ourselves to get dressed up and destroy in a fest of bad techno music. Everyone had shown up, it seemed, and even Abaddon was fairly relaxed; he waited a whole three hours before killing the DJ, and we were all drunk enough at this point to not mind the smell wafting over from the plague marine contingent, who spent most of the evening moping over the fact none of the daemonettes would dance with them.

As I'd said, the party was in full swing when all of a sudden there was a horrible scream of rage, and then in through the window came everyone's favorite party guy, Khârn. He'd painted his armor all pink, and he'd ripped shreds of carapace off something to make a crude tail coming off his back. In the window he came, and landed squarely on the Daemonette I'd spent the last half hour chatting up, crushing her to a pulp and covering me in a spray of bits. He then proceeded to stand there for the next eight hours of the party, ignoring any and all attempts to lure him into conversation, or to get off the daemonette, who was still half alive after being crushed.

I was kind of despondent after that, and spent the rest of the night drinking while Khârn spent the rest of the night standing still. Finally, just before we were about to dim the lights, Khârn took in a deep breath, and in a tone of horror and fear, shouted, "LOOK OUT, SLAANESHI WHORE!"

The entire room burst into laughter. Man, what a kidder.

----

"WHERE IS MY EQUERRY?!" Angron's roaring voice echoed throughout the ship, buckling two bulkheads and killing an astropath within the 'anger zone'. The World Eater's Primarch stormed through the corridors with his head held high, smashing it through several ornate archways as his feet battered and dented the floor with each step like the beating of a war drum.

Captain Khârn of the Fifth Assault Company, Equerry of the World Eaters had been admiring the ornate workings of a dreadnought sarcophagus, a low sigh issuing forth from his helmet as he heard his lord approaching. With a thunderous crash, Angron threw his weight against the loudly snoring construct, sending it bowling into a nearby row of its fellows, knocking them all about like skittles.

"TREACHERY! BLOOD! HERESY!" Angron screamed, flecks of spittle splattering all over the equerry's armor, "I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE! IN BLOOD! I'LL KILL HIS FAMILY! ALL OF THEM!"

"What's wrong, my lord?" Khârn asked, his voice low as to not startle his already over-stimulated commander.

Angron thrust a small plastcrete cube in front of the Captain's face, three little movable rows covered in colored squares. Even if it weren't practically being crammed up his nose, Khârn could clearly make out the shapes of Angron's armored fingers forced into every tile.

"WHO MADE THIS?! I WANT TO EAT THEIR SKULL AND LINE MY BED WITH THEIR BONES! BLOOD!" Angron screamed again, utterly soaking Khârn head to toe in spittle.

"I AM AWAKE?! IS IT TIME TO BATTLE?!" One of the dreadnoughts cried out, the sarcophagus merely wobbling on its side without being connected to its proper frame, as Angron and the Tech-priests continued screaming at everything.

"And that" Khârn the Betrayer spoke to his audience of Red Rivers infantrymen, as he ineffectually plinked a skull full of blood against his mouthpiece and spilled it all down his front, "is why I decided to start killing everyone."

----

There were victory celebrations. That much I can remember. Blood and other body fluids flowed.

I woke up on some busted old bed in the remains of what was the Planetary Governor's palace, my blood-and-filth encrusted shirt half-draped out a nearby window. My head was ringing and as I groaned and rolled to my left, I came eye to eye with what I thought was one of those Sororitas. For a moment my heart skipped a few beats and I almost shat myself.

She smiled at me and it all came back. She'd been one of those holy ladies once, but she realized she liked burning and cutting things more than actually praying. Now she was just like me, only with more tattoos to Khorne and a rusty nail put through her lip.

"Hey there beast," that fallen lady grinned, before kissing me on the cheek and giving me a big ol' scar in the process with her 'jewelery', "You guys were phenomenal."

"'You guys'?" I groaned out, whilst rubbing my cheek. It was then I became aware of a shuffling behind me, and hurriedly I rolled over.

There was Khârn, still in full armor, reading a newspaper that was a week old, a cigar jammed in his helmet's respirator.

"Great fight." the fallen sister remarked.

Khârn glanced up from his newspaper and stared at me. After a very long moment, he put out his fist. I did the same, and as we brought our fists together, we both shouted "RESPECT KNUCKLES!" as I felt my entire arm shatter.

----

R&R with the Red Rivers go hand in hand with that of the World Eaters. A rare occasion, usually pretty fun and always violent. Times like these make me wonder why there is so much negativity around Equerry Khârn.

So here we are on this Grand Cruiser that Angron managed to steal, drifting near the Eye of Terror just for the fun of it. Now don't get me wrong I don't fear the Daemons of Khorne, but some Daemonettes really creep me out. On this place we were drifting around there was the odd rift here and there and the occasional daemons that come with them. Several nights in, folks are challenging Khârn to arm-wrestling and many men leave with a shattered wrist. Some Daemonette comes walking in, a bit deranged, and gives it a try.

Let me pause here for a second. I don't like Slaneeshi whores and their deceptive skills, but my dislike falls into void compared to Khârn hate.
So this whore cheats and Khârn just chainaxes its head off before stomping it flat. Next comes a Keeper of Secrets and we all kinda pissed ourselves, until its head is removed by a black Hellblade. We were blessed with a visit of the Skulltaker, and Khârn challenged him to a best of three.

I lost track of how many days passed in this fearsome ordeal of honour, but at some point even Angron stepped in to spectate (of course killing a few other traitor guardsmen in the process of movement) and the Sacred Executioner lost focus for a split second and lost to Khârn 2v1 (the first round won by the daemon in an incredibly tight contest).
So the daemon is pissed, kills a few guys and I lose control of my bowels and soil myself. Khârn then turns to me and misunderstands my arms-raised-in-panic-as-I-duck-to-dodge-Skulltaker's-sword for a high five opportunity. So he blocks the sword and gives me a high-five causing my bones in my arms to exit through my pants.

In this moment of silence and stillness Khârn is the first to react, mimicking my movement and yelling "DO THE CRAPDODGE!"

That night party erupted with this new dance - well, so I was told, as I only woke up three weeks later with Khârn next to my bed, screaming "WAKE UP WE'RE TAKING A HIVE WORLD", scared me shitless. Hell of a guy, that Khârn.

----

Despite all the stories and rumors of him slaughtering his own men, Khârn was actually a fun guy to be around.

I remember a game he would play. "Toss the guardsmen", it was called. Simple game, really. You basically picked up a guardsmen tied to a pole and tried to throw him as far as you could into a field of big pointy metal spikes. Whoever threw the farthest would win. Khârn encouraged me to give it a shot, and despite my misgivings about how weak I was, the big guy talked as if he believed I was the best person for it. So not wanting to disappoint him (and also figuring, "Why the hell not?"), I gave it a go. Not too surprising, I was too weak for the game and only managed to lift the pole (and the guardsmen tied to it) up just enough to have both fall on top of me. At first the Chaos marines started to laugh - well, some of them did; the others made loud grunting noises that sounded like they were trying to loosen some phlegm.

Khârn then walks up to me and says "Here, let me show you how it's done," and proceeds to grab the pole. He takes a step back and launches it into the air. It keeps getting higher and higher and higher. It continues its accent into the sky until eventually; we lose sight of it and just assume that it landed in some random location. As I’m beginning to stand, up alarms go off. We hear from some random cultist that some random regiment from the Imperial guard is attacking us. I get my gear and run into position. I run into a trench and begin to watch for any movement. It takes only a few minutes before I begin to see guardsmen charging towards us. The Khornate cultists and marines do their thing. Screaming “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!” while they hack and bludgeon the loyalists into bloody chunks.

Now, during this, I become aware that Khârn has been standing next to me the whole time. He does nothing but stand perfectly still, neither looking at me nor saying a word. Now during my little space out, the sound of a Baneblade heavy tank approaching us reminds me that I was in the midst of a battle. As I see it get closer and closer to us, I begin to slightly freak out as to how I’m gonna possibly deal with that. The thing stops to aim and proceeds to blow up a group of Khornate berserkers and cultists. Now absolutely terrified, I attempt to run for better cover but find myself paralyzed with fear (along with a need to find a clean pair of pants). Khârn then gets on one knee; rests his hand on my shoulder, points to the Baneblade and says, “You’re going to love this”. Then a most peculiar sound catches my ear. I hear a slight whistling sound, like a basilisk shell falling back to earth. Khârn then points to the sky and sure enough I see a faint object falling toward us. I take it for a shell at first, but then I realize that there would be more if the loyalists were launching an artillery strike. So ruling that out, I continue to stare at it. It gets closer and closer until I can make out its shape slightly. To my amazement, it’s the very same guardsmen tied to the pole from before. He continues to fall, getting faster and faster. Finally against all odds he actually hits the Baneblade and penetrates the armor! Now I’m not sure what exactly did it, and I do have some ideas, but whatever the case was, the tank explodes. The shrapnel and debris go flying and rip several guardsmen (a quite a few cultists as well) to shreds. Khârn turns his head to me and says in the calmest voice, “And THAT is how it’s done.” He jumps out the trench and charges toward the enemy.

Every single one of them died.

Fun guy, that Khârn.

----

Khârn the Betrayer is a pretty surprising guy; he's pretty well known for it, but most of the time people ignore the humorous side of these outbursts of temporary insanity.

One time, after overrunning a refugee camp that hadn't been evacuated in time we decided to engage in some party games to relieve the monotony of senseless slaughter: spin the prisoner, throw the prisoner, shoot the prisoner, prisoner of fortune etc. Now after we blink when one of them gets nailed by a 100 yard headshot from a lasgun. This is pretty impressive considering the general state of most of my regiment’s lasguns. Lately I've taken to just throwing mine at the enemy and finding a corpse to hide under if required to use it in any kind if defensive fashion.

Anyway, the ace yells, "Wooo! One shot!"

The ace is getting high-fives and cheers when Khârn appears behind him. He picks up the lasgun from the ground, overcharges the power pack, and throws it into a group of loyalists standing about a half mile away. It blows them off the face of the planet.

"WOOO!" he yells, fist in the air. "ONE SHOT!"

The guy’s priceless I tell ya. Priceless.

----

You know what the worst thing about besieging a hive for the Ruinous Gods is? It's not being forced to run at the hive so your bodies pile up high enough so your uncaring Traitor Astartes types can climb up you (and boy, when you're pinned under a pile of your dead comrades don't you ALWAYS get an itch?). No, it's the waiting.

We were into the sixth month of the Draxian Persecution. Hive Draxia Primary was this pretty huge hive that had somewhere along the line hopped onto the backside of a mining facility and never gotten off, burying halfway into this huge mountain that tried to race to the top. No biggie for the Red Rivers. They were going to hold us back until a small crack appeared in the defenses and then send us in to die in horrible droves.

The Khorne guys in the army didn't take so well to that, and neither did Khârn. Big fella got really antsy after about the second minute of the siege, and the ball of yarn just wasn't working the way it used to when it came to distracting him.

So we're just waiting for something to happen and Khârn grabs a bunch of us, and asks us politely to come with him. After screaming a little due to his polite request (he had charts about what he was going to do to the entire planet if we didn't. I don't know where he got the stationery), about fifty of the Rivers joined his party to ascend the Draxia Spire-Mountain.

After ten days, three dares of "I bet you can't jump that gap", an avalanche caused by Khârn punching a mountain goat and almost all of us dying in horrible ways, we finally reached the summit of the mountain. Flat on top was that summit almost eerily so... like it had been hacked off by someone with a large axe.

Anyway, we get there and what does Khârn do? Breaks out the marbles. I don't know, I don't know where he keeps getting these things. He challenges the last four of us to a game, and since we had nothing better to do we had a run of it.

Three more fatalities later and it was clear I was going to win. Khârn just didn't have the patience for marbles. He could see my smiling and in return nodded his helmeted head as if to say "Just watch THIS shot, Smug McSmuggy" ... shortly before screaming "TRICK SHOT" and hurling his sole marble down the side of the mountain.

We stood there in silence and watched as the marble plinked from sight, and a rather large amount of debris followed it. This debris loosened even more of it, and the entire mountain began to shake and tear away from the hive. Draxia Primary shuddered a moment, and then began to collapse.

Neither of us looked away from the sheer destruction and loss of life that had just been wrought, and the sound of our respect knuckles tapping together and my entire arm dislocating in the aftershock were muffled even from the great height we were at. It took a further two days for things to settle, and through it all neither of us said a word.

It was Khârn who broke the silence, that competitive look somehow burning from what little I could see of his crazed eyes set in his helmet, as he bent forwards simply so he could stare right into my face. I could see up his nose too. It was pretty gross.

"RACE TO THE BOTTOM"

Don't worry, Khârn made sure it was fair by giving me a head-start. Even pushed me hard enough that I cleared about half of the mountain. Medics are telling me that I should probably be dead instead of unable to move or feel my anything, but Khârn himself told me no one ever won a race by not landing head first in the twisted wreckage of humanity's folly.

He's a deep guy.
----
The absolute worst part about being in the Red Rivers (aside from the food) is interplanetary travel. You would think with the whole falling to ruinous powers thing that you'd be able to get to where you wanted to go easy as pie, but then you take an actual trip and the Chaos Space Marines dragging you along as death fodder burst into fits of laughter when you ask why the Gellar Field hasn't activated. Then a horror crawls out your nose.

Mostly it's the boredom that gets you though, when they stuff you down in the dark holds with nothing to do but play cards and avoid sleeping near the Slaanesh worshippers. It wasn't so bad though. One time we were down there and saw Khârn walking around just knocking on the hold walls. We assumed he'd been asked politely to come down here after once again trying to commandeer the ship and crash it into the other ones so that they could make an explosion to make them go faster. So there he was, just wandering, knocking and listening. Bored as we were, we followed him, just to see where it would go.

Well, it took most of the trip and a great deal of wandering but as the call to prepare for planetfall began to go out, Khârn finally got the knock he wanted, and promptly punched through the wall. Just pulled back and walloped a great big tear in the bulkhead. Which exposed us to space. Khârn saw our looks of horror as the void threatened to pull us out, and quickly made over to grab a few of us then jumped out of the hole, cool as you like.

Well, I've made plenty of planetfalls but never before was I instructed on how to enter the atmosphere surfing on a berserker Chaos Marine. I don't think I'll grow most of my hair or skin back, but I'll have one heck of a story to tell my kids. A story about a heck of a ride on a heck of a guy.
----
High above the world of Peacarius (soon to be renamed SLAUGHTERBLOODDEATH), the World Eaters and Emperor's Children stood waiting aboard Angron's flagship "BLOOD AND MURDER YOU NAME THE BLOODY THING" as their Primarchs held a conference for war. The people of Peacarius were a timid lot, not well versed in the ways of warfare, and had made the fatal error of suing for peace the very second Angron's ships had entered orbit. When Fulgrim arrived it was to find the World Eaters Primarch trying to tape a nuclear warhead to each his fists, but lacking the ability to do it one handed had meant that instead he'd been kicking drop-ships at the Peacarius capital and screaming into space.

The equerry of the World Eaters regarded the perfect array of troops resplendent in the golden aquila, and then his own men as they stood twitching and idly swinging their deactivated chain-axes at one another so they harmlessly bounced off each other's helmets. It was no secret that neither Legion got along, but the orders of their Emperor and their Warmaster were to be obeyed. Khârn let out a sigh, as he heard his Primarch storming down the hallways towards them.

"DAMNATION AND SKULLS" Angron cried out, kicking a bulkhead door open as he forced two screaming Remembrancers into his mouth and ate them, "WHY HAVE WE NOT LEFT YET EQUERRY?!"

"My lord. You destroyed all our landing craft trying to weld them together into a bigger landing craft" Khârn the Equerry answered. In response Angron began to headbutt the floor. Roused from their non-killing stupor, the other World Eaters began to do so as well. Khârn sighed. He wasn't sure he had enough yarn in stock to calm them all down.

"WELL UNTIL WE GET THE THRICE BLOOD DAMNED THINGS I'M GOING TO BE REARRANGING THE SKULL TROPHIES IN MY DAMNED TEN TIMES BLOOD MURDER BEDROOM" Angron screamed, before storming out. Seconds later there was an almighty crash, and the section of the ship that housed Angron could be seen making entry into the planet's atmosphere.

"Do not worry, equerry" Fulgrim spoke softly as he appeared inexplicably behind Khârn, "We will assist your Primarch as best we can..."

Khârn was going to respond, but became distinctly aware of Fulgrim's tongue caressing his ear.

The Traitor Guardsmen eyed each other nervously. They had asked Khârn to tell them another story about his time before the Horus Heresy, but after agreeing to do so, he had begun to sit there staring at the campfire. After a minute froth began to build up around his helmet's mouthpiece, and he crushed the skull he had been drinking from. Everyone was too terrified to move or say a word, each hoping for someone else to make the first move.

They were trapped there for weeks.
----
Khârn the Betrayer, as I've often told skeptics from other legions, is a hell of a guy. His mighty axe isn't his greatest weapon; it's his charm.

Take the battle of Camrae III. We hadn't expected the loyalist legions there to last for more than a week, but the thrice-damned Imperium had managed to sneak a massive Warlord Titan onto the planet without our knowledge. (They'd literally buried it under a mountain. CREEEEEEEEEE...) We'd been trying to kill the thing for a solid month, but wherever the war machine tromped, the legions of Chaos died.

That was, until Tuesday.

On Tuesday, we'd been chasing a legion of weakened Astartes down a long, winding canyon to slaughter them in the name of Khorne, when we heard the war-horn of the Titan braying its triumph as it emerged around a bend in the rocky passage. Our blood turned to water and our knees turned to jelly as we realized that we were trapped in the canyon we had sought to turn to our advantage, about to be undone by the gargantuan deathbringer. The loyalist Astartes hooted at us as the house-sized cannons began to glow with the fire of a thousand suns, warming up our demise, and we gritted our teeth in anticipation of the end.

Then, we saw Khârn.

He was running along the edge of the sheer sides of the rocky canyon, full-tilt, his armor-clad boots kicking rocks, dirt, and occasionally small animals over the cliff face as he sprinted. With both loyalist and Chaos Marine alike looking on in awe, he coiled his legs beneath him, crushing a couple of deep footprints into the solid rock at the cliff edge, and launched himself into the air. For a brief moment, time stood still as he sailed over the heads of the combatants below, his arms gracefully extended like a swan's wings, if that swan had been fathered by a Chaos god and granted an insatiable lust for blood.

With a clang, he landed on the bridge of the Titan, the void shields swirling uselessly around him. He drew back one superhuman fist and punched a giant goddamned hole in the armor of the machine with a sound like two Thunderhawks colliding in midair. His monstrous hands grappled the torn adamantium and as the metal shuddered under the force of his sheer rage he paused as he cast his gaze into the hole he had created.

"TEN POINTS," bellowed Khârn as he continued to peel the Titan's armor back like a car door. Raw sunlight was cast into the titan's cockpit for the first time in millennia, and the crew turned to face their aggressor. The Princeps had just removed himself from the machine but had barely any time to react and only yelped in terror as Khârn ripped him from his control seat and tossed him out into the open air. The red dot that was Khârn scrambled inside and we, at that point, could only figure that he was giving himself a crash course with learning how to pilot the damned thing.

Every warrior froze as the Titan seized up and began jerking about, when from over the sound systems Styx's "Mr. Roboto" began blasting out over the battlefield as the Titan itself began rampaging across the canyon floor. The fighting resumed as quickly as it had halted, the loyalists fighting in a last ditch effort to flee from being caught underfoot by the formerly Imperial-controlled Titan. The men of the Red Rivers could barely aim their lasguns properly as we all roared with laughter through the whole ordeal. As the battle drew to a close, we finally lost it and gripped our sides in laughter as the Titan finally collapsed onto its back and went critical after Khârn cleared the scene. As he came back up to us I raised my arm for a high five, which he gladly obliged and broke every bone in my hand.

As he looked back over the smoking husk and ruined corpses strewn about the canyon I asked him what caused him to lose his balance, and he looked down at me and said, "I WAS TRYING TO GET IT TO BREAKDANCE BUT IT HAD NO SOUL."

That's Khârn for you. Hell of a guy.

----
As I've said countless of times, Khârn The Betrayer is a pretty fun guy to be around. This was incredibly evident at that one specific Take Your Kid To Work Day. Khârn had decided to bring his adopted son that day, and boy, was it hilarious. You see, his son is in to all the crazy stuff that he is, like butchering people in the name of Khorne, but Khârn's son is only a kid.

Well, we were advancing on a hive city, when a squad of Imperial Fists terminators ran up to aid the besieged guardsmen. Khârn's son, with his father not too far behind, jumped up, and wildly swung at the loyalists with his axe. After they had dispatched the squad, Khârn gave his son a big pat on the back that would have crumpled the spine of a normal human and said, "SON, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!". He was so happy, it almost looked like he was crying. Then his son just said "Daddy, I'm bored. Let's play a game!" He then proceeded to pick up two of the fallen space marines' Thunder Hammers, tossed one to Khârn, and then ran towards the entrenched Imperial Guard. What happened next was probably one of the funniest things you will ever see. He was playing Whack-A-Mole with the Guardsmen. Every time one of them popped up, he immediately smashed them with the hammer, causing huge waves of gore to fly across the battlefield. Khârn, after he realized what his son was doing, joined in with the fun. After a few minutes, the trench was turned into a pool of red paste, and all the guardsmen were dead. Khârn walked back towards us, and said "I HAVEN'T HAD THIS MUCH FUN IN YEARS!" He then gave offered me a fist pump, which liquified every muscle in my arm.

Hell of a guy, that Khârn.
----
So me and my detachement of Traitor Guardsmen were stationed with a World Eater warband around Cyrax-VII. Warmaster Abaddon had declared he wanted the planet purged and that we were to sent him the heads of all Imperials on the main hive cities. I don't know why he wanted that, but talk was someone down there had made a really lousy song called "The Ballad of No-Armsbaddon" and he couldn't abide that. Anyway, we were sitting on the trenches desperately trying to get this brand-new Autocannon to work, when the ground trembles beneath us and the sun seems to go out for some reason. I just went back to trying to dislodge the autocannon's firing mechanism with a piece of someone's femur, I figured one of the World Eaters had decided to try and pilot a Melta Bomb and had exploded in the atmosphere.

Anyway I realized my fellow Traitor Guardsmen had stopped talking, so I looked up. Right there at the edge of the trench was a Blood Angel Dreadnought just staring at us, actually leaning down on us as if trying to figure out what we were, or doing whatever Dreadnoughts call leaning.

"WAIT A MINUTE, THIS ISN'T MY SIDE OF THE BATTLE LINE".

I felt my inner ear liquefy right on the spot.

So, anyway, it had gotten lost see, but now he knew he was actually looking down on Traitor Guardsmen.

Well, what did we do you ask me ? Well, I just flung the Autocannon away and focused very hard on digging a hiding-hole on the ground with my bare-hands. Few of my fellow Guardsmen tried to open fire with their Lasguns and some yelled and did this little dance.

The Dreadnought just started spinning his Power-Fist in the air and stomping everything.

"FEEL THE EMPEROR'S WRATH! DIE IN HOLY FIRAH! NO MERCY OR DESPAIR! PREPARE TO BE PURGED!"

So anyway, in half-way through the hole already when I realized there's not enough time, so I decided just to close my eyes and wait for it. Maybe the Dreadnought wouldn't rip me limb by limb, instead just blowing me into ashes with its flamer and maybe some Daemon wouldn't use my soul as toilet paper. I might just be that lucky, you'd be surprised how much luck counts.

But right at that moment the Dreadnought just simply stops dead in is tracks. If Dreadnoughts had expressions I'd tell you this one looked very confused. I head this loud sound of metal being torn open and the Dreadnought just moved in the awkward position, knees caved in and... urh... whatever it has for an ass, tucked backwards. Then it started to shake itself from one side to the other. You could hear the servo units being crushed and torn apart, and the Marine corpse inside being awfully frustrated.

"WAIT A MINUTE...WHAT THE... WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON."

Then out of nowhere, this huge Khornate Berserker just erupts from the Dreadnought's sarcophagus, covered in amniotic fluid and blood, sending sharp shards of ceramite flying everywhere.

It was Kharn. He had crawled inside the Dreadnought's behind and burst out the other end.

Boy let me tell you, we were terrified. We had heard about Khârn's reputation and we just thought about the word "From the frying pan into the fire", because the Dreadnought was dead, but now we were facing this guy known Galaxy-wide as "The Betrayer".

I was about to go back into digging my hole when we realized Khârn was giggling. Actually giggling.

We looked up and he was just standing there, waist deep inside a Dreadnought sarcophagus and holding his hands next to his massive chest as if they where tiny claws.

"LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I'M AN ALIEN! SCREEEEE! SCRREEE!!!"

We just lost it right there, and started laughing. Kharn scrambled back inside the Dreadnought and pulled down some pieces of the dead Marine from inside along with some Power Cables. He then piloted the Dreadnought carcass right into the Emperor's Children detachment while yelling "SCRREEEEEE!", stomping around and picking up Emperor's Children marines to fling at us yelling "CATCH!"

It took a whole battalion of Black Legionnaires to convince him he was not an Alien.
----
I can't say it enough. Khârn the Betrayer is such a great guy. Us Red Rivers were stationed on some Death World fighting a greenskin horde, and we were in the middle of this massive blizzard. The snow was so deep that only Dreadnoughts could make any headway through it, and the lot of us Traitor Guardsmen were frozen and thoroughly miserable. Every time we got attacked, we lost another company, and there was lots of grumbling about the lack of help from the Chaos Marines.

Anyway, on this one attack, the greenskins crashed over the top of this snowdrift we were hiding behind. A bloodbath follows as we try to take down these berserk Orks. Limbs are flying everywhere, and I'm crouching in a puddle of pee, hunkered behind a big pile of snow. A couple of squads try to run away and the next thing I know, they're flying through the air with their armour smashed to pieces.

Khârn had been standing behind our lines trying to contemplate the existence of the number three.

He turned around and sneezed as a bit of snow got up his nose, promptly breaking every bone in the Traitor Guardsmen's bodies. Shouting "GO AWAY"" he reduced the greenskin horde to shredded meat with sheer, concentrated rage (and causing a minor earthquake in the process). The entire area gets spattered with pieces of flesh and broken bone, and Kharn grabs the closest surviving Guardsman.

"ALL I WANTED WAS SOME PEACE AND QUIET"

He's stood there melting the snow with the intensity of his anger, and suddenly throws the Guardsman through the air shouting "DUCK HUNT!" and empties the Guardsman's bolter mag into him, causing the body to explode in a bloody mist.

Khârn turns to me, causing me to soil myself all over again, then gestures at the ruined Guardsmen covered in gore.

"MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES"

Despite my terror I start laughing hysterically and hold up my hand for a high five at his joke. He shattered my arm into thirty-eight pieces and it took them a week to dig me out of the snowdrift.

Boy, what a comedian, that Khârn.

==The Wrath of Khârn==

With the aide of his crew, Admiral Kirk must stop an old nemesis, Khârn...{{BLAM|HERESY! *BLAM*}}

And old short story about Khârn getting shit done [[rip and tear|the Khorne-approved way!]] Too long; too awesome. Moved [[The Wrath of Kharn|to its own page]].

==Record from the Scions of Darkness==
''Recorder:'' Dark Magos Wilhelman

In all the years I've been with this Tzeentchan warband, few things could prepare me for the sight that awaited me on Vasiria Secondus. Our Lord and his contingent of Sorcerers were preparing a great ritual, one that would pull the world into a massive warp-storm, and leaving the world ours to pillage, to conquer, and fortify. The planet's local PDF proved wholly incapable of stopping us, but were proving nonetheless irksome, with protracted artillery barrages from their Griffons keeping both our marines and machinery bunkered down behind cover, lest they be caught in the path of an oncoming round.

In 2 days of steady bombardment, our Lord apparently had lost his patience with the Guardsmen, and instructed his cabal of Sorcerers to continue a ritual to bring forth a tide of Daemons. The Sorcerers began work immediately in the confines of a shattered basilica of the false Emperor, and after nearly a day of sonorous chanting, the ritual began to bear fruit as a yawning rift in real-space began to open...

...And then, it happened. A bellowing scream issued forth from the fledgling daemon-gate, and echoed coldly in our ears.

'''BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!'''

And there he was.

Tearing himself from the rift was a red-clad, gore-covered warrior, roaring chainaxe in hand, cackling in manic glee as he landed on the basilica's cracked marble floor. The cultist troops of our lord opened fire on the Khornate as he charged forward, their Autoguns pattering off his armor. Stepping forth was my Lord, who drew his Daemonblade, green warp-fire engulfing its surface as he readied to face down this crimson-armored menace, when, inexplicably, the Khornate marine paused, turned towards the Sorcerers who were now backing away, and charged forth again, leaping into the midst and sending them clattering to the floor. Reaching down, the Berserker grabbed for the Sorcerer's force staves, gathering them up under one arm and charging up the stairs, before kicking open the basilica's reinforced door and running out into the streets, laughing with riotous glee.

We heard screams, lasfire, and explosions. And then... Silence.

The Sorcerers slowly collected themselves, and the cultists moved to reinforce the door. Hours passed, and we slowly emerged from the basilica to find that the PDF was no more, every single one of the Sorcerers' force staves were thrust firmly into the engine block of each and every artillery vehicle. Scores of men lay dead from the subsequent explosions. We only learned later from Brother Panthus, a Raptor Champion, that Khârn had apparently delivered these killing blows by walking up on the ridge, and throwing the staves really, ''really'' hard. After killing the Guardsmen, he moved forward to continue a rampage into the city, slaughtering several landing members of the [[White Scars]] who were helping evacuate the civilians.

It was the first time I had ever seen my Lord in a state of stunned silence. It was [[just as planned]], but for reasons not even the Sorcerers of Tzeentch had expected. A dark chuckle rang out from my Lord as he crossed his arms and overlooked the carnage.

''"Hell of a guy, that Khârn."''

[[Image:Champs.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The Champ AND the President, ARE HERE!!! Everyone else, such as Roman Reigns/Brock Lesnar/Undertaker AND Trump/Obama/Reagan, are PHONIES!!!]]

== [[Crunch| On the Tabletop]] ==
===Warhammer 40,000===
Kharn has always been a deadly combat monster. He's not as strong as [[Abaddon]], but he's significantly cheaper and still one of the best fighters in the game. His main characteristics have always been hitting everything on a 2+, hitting allies if he rolls a 1, and Khorne's hatred of pyskers giving him extra resistance to psyker powers used against him. His popularity apparently did not go unnoticed, considering that in between the 3rd and 4th editions, he was improved by having his cost lowered and Gorechild getting an extra [[D6]] against vehicle armor. His power meant that armies that didn't use a [[Daemon Prince]] would typically use Kharn since he was considered the most cost effective melee option, or Abaddon if they were willing to spend the points (poor [[Lucius]] got overshadowed for specializing in something the previous three were already pretty good at). Like Abaddon, he briefly took a hit in the 6th edition due to [[power weapon]]s being declared AP3, but then changed to AP2 with even more attacks and strength than before. His main drawbacks, aside from attacking allies, are that he's no more durable than a normal Chaos Lord. Kharn's main draw is that, despite his cost, he can conceivably take on any sort of enemy he can charge; having 2D6 armor penetration and an upwards of 7 attacks on the charge backed by an effective strength 7 (5 base, +1 from Gorechild, +1 from Furious Charge) and AP2, he can literally kill anything in the game and can even devastate infantry blobs, which is the standard method of dealing with characters like him. And now he has a pre-heresy mini next to the standard mini, thanks to Forge World.

Note that statistically, Kharn has enough special rules and attacks to blow up an Imperial Knight Titan on the charge in one turn (due to his insane initiative, this happens before the Knight even gets to react). However this is not recommended as the Knight will blow up and take Kharn with it. If you're willing to make the trade though, remember that Kharn is just over half of the Imperial Knight's points. You can also chip away at warlord titans, thanks to armourbane and ALWAYS HITTING ON 2+

Oddly, despite being the top dog among Khorne's mortal champions, Kharn lacks any presence in the Khorne Daemonkin codex, where he'd be able to team up with Daemons who won't pussy out because they got their asses kicked in combat without risk of a random mutation and gain armywide FNP or +1 Attacks. Yeah, you could take them as allies, but it's not the same thing.

[[Image:GiotaTsirouFacebook.jpg|thumb|right|600px|Giota Tsirou, a 200 pound girl of short stature displaying unrivaled hotness!]]

===Warhammer 40,000 8th Edition===
Khârn is still one hell of a swell guy in 8th edition. He now has 5 wounds and a 4++ invulnerable save, making him a bit less of a glass cannon. He sports a rocking base 6 attacks (a lot in this edition) and the ability to fight ''[[Rape|twice]]'' per turn instead of once, for a whopping 12 attacks in a single turn. If not more against Imperium foes, since the new generic Chaos rule ''Death to the False Emperor!'' rule gives him [[exploding dice]], gaining extra attacks on to-hit rolls of 6 in melee (these bonus attacks cannot explode further). Gorechild ignores all negative modifiers to-hit so Kharn is ''always'' hitting on a 2+, is S:+1 AP:-4 D:d3 meaning he will put a lot of hurt on anything he faces with his humongous amount of attacks. His plasma pistol is S:8 AP:-3 D:2, though with Gets Hot Classic Edition (on a '1' he suffers a mortal wound, no invuln allowed; but this is still better than a normal supercharged plasma pistol that would ''kill him instantly'' if it got hot).

Not everything is good though, since he lost 'furious charge' (he hits at S6 whatever happens), is no longer almost immune to psychic powers and he can ''never'' re-roll to-hits of 1 in melee (which is weird because there's a lot of auras out there that let other characters reroll 1's; including his very own aura). For you fluff fanatics, his misses are still allocated to friendly models as usual, he's 'The Betrayer' after all. Like all characters, he also has a command ability, ''Kill, Maim, Burn!'' which allow friendly <World Eaters> units to re-roll missed to-hit rolls... within 1" of him. Yeah... One measly inch. (I mean, even [[Lucius the Eternal|the self-obsessed preening peacock]] has a 6" aura to boost fellow EC.) This is... rather underwhelming in an edition where characters are supposed to be less one-man-armies; but force multipliers boosting their underlings instead. Hilariously enough, ''Kill, Maim, Burn!'' allow to re-roll all hit rolls and since you can take World Eater Havocs, you could stick Khârn in their midst and have him whisper pure accuracy in their ears, re-rolling Lascannon shots or Heavy Bolter shots like there is no tomorrow. 8th edition Khârn has truly become Commissar Khârn.

[[Image:FWKharn.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Khârn from Forgeworld.]]

==Chosen of Khorne==
Kharn now stars in his own audio drama and he also has a secondary role in the audio drama "Butcher's Nails". Listen to this shit. Spoilers: In a move that should surprise no one, he betrays everyone. Also, it seems he acquires himself a cool-headed equerry (who is also old enough to remember the War Hounds times). Oh, the irony. Shows up in "Trials of Azrael" again being an oddly cool-headed guy for what he is.

==Quotes==

{{topquote|Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn!|Kharn}}
{{topquote|Only a fool takes Khârn for a mindless brute or a rabid dog. Under that blood-soaked helm lurks an intelligence and cunning that makes him a masterful killer. Trust me when I say that there is a dark purpose to his madness.|The [[Abaddon|Armless Failure]] about Khârn. Pretty [[awesome]].}}
{{topquote|STOP HITTING YOURSELF! STOP HITTING YOURSELF! STOP HITTING YOURSELF!|Captain Kharn, showing his gratitude for how [[Argel Tal|Erebus treated his best friend, and surprisingly enough refrain from team-killing]]}}
{{topquote|Get up.|Kharn, after dropping Erebus to his knees in a duel to the death, for the third time in the novel Betrayer}}
===See also===
*[[Abaddon at the Therapist]]

==Gallery==
<Gallery>
File:Kharn-bloodied.jpg|One of the best Pictures depicting this badass.
File:Kharn by elizaveta bikuin-d4e39x5.jpg|During his more earlier days, His armor fully covered in blood.
File:Kharn-chosen-of-khorne.jpg|The Chosen of Khorne cover art.
File:Kharn the betrayer by alexboca-d792nt5.jpg|Like a boss.
File:Kharn's fury.jpeg|Here we can see him punching some naked guys... Enjoying yourself?
File:Fags!.jpg|Kharn, showing some Naruto faggots not to mess with warhammer 40k.
File:Awesomeness.JPG|SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!!
File:K-s-new-pose.jpeg| ... his new Mini.
File:Kharn_approves.jpg
</Gallery>

{{Template:Chaos-Marines}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Chaos]][[Category: Chaos Space Marines]]
[[Category:Stories]][[Category:Stories/Warhammer 40,000]]

Warhammer Adventures

2018-08-17T04:11:47Z

2A02:587:3A12:6900:4D37:3817:75A4:92DE:

{{WTF}}
{{Heresy}}
{{Stub}}
'''Warhammer Adventures''' is a series of Middle Grade (ages 8 to 12) novels published by [[Black Library]] and based on [[Age of Sigmar]] and [[Warhammer 40,000 8th edition]]. Each novel will feature a group of children going on ''amazing adventures,'' like in every Middle Grade novel ever released. Given that this generic plot template is being applied by freelance writers with little to no experience writing for Warhammer to settings filled with overpowered capeshit assholes and overpowered grimderp assholes, respectively, expect canon rape to ensue. The whole series has been described by Black Library in a Facebook comment as: "The Grim Darkness of the far future, but with a nightlight on".

Fucking fantastic. The death threats have already started rolling in, by the way.

==Novels==
===Warped Galaxies (40k)===
*''Attack of the Necron'' by [[wikipedia:Cavan Scott|Cavan Scott]]
===Realm Quest (Age of Sigmar)===
*''City of Lifestone'' by <strike>Loki</strike> Tom Huddleston

==Characters==
Something you'll notice is that both settings follow a particular set of generic token characters: a peace-loving leader, a brash misfit of a brawler, and a prodigal artisan. Who, despite never going past their teenage years, are somehow just as, if not more, proficient as full-grown professionals in their settings.

Yep, the writers either have teenage fanfic-tier writing abilities, or else they're pulling from every YA novel cliche possible. Bear in mind this is an officially-endorsed novel by GW and not something you dug out of the crusty underbelly of Deviant Art or fanfiction.net that you read for laughs; on the other hand, sometimes it's hard to tell them apart anyway (see also: [[C.S. Goto]]).

=== 40k ===

'''Zelia:''' The female leader (and also the token black) that every young adult novel seems legally required to have these days. A young daughter of an [[Rogue Trader|galactic explorer]], she [[Heresy|helps her mom dig up ancient alien artifacts]] and [[Derp|hates weapons in a setting where everything that's alien and most things that aren't actively try to kill you.]] Instead she believes that the best way to overcome fear is by [[Magnus|learning]]. Voted most likely to be slowly tortured to death by the [[Inquisition]] for seeking out [[Chaos|the truth]].

'''Talen:''' The son of an [[Imperial Guard|Imperial Guard officer]], Talen decided to run away from home to [[Heresy|avoid military conscription]] and became a hive ganger. He's fairly aggressive and kind of a brute; however, that is offset by his [[noblebright|loyalty to his friends]]. Expect someone to make a greenstuff version of him as a [[Necromunda]] Juve. He carries around a [[miniature|toy Soldier]] which is one of the only reminders he has of his older brother who went off to war. All in all, the only character whose preview is not a fluff-rape of [[C.S. Goto|multilasered]] proportions. It would be ironic if his gang got conscripted by the Imperial Guard anyway, as they are wont to do - he just better hope that the Commissar never finds out about the whole desertion thing.

'''Mekki:''' Pretty much your average [[Techpriest]] but younger. He hails from [[Mars]] and is described as an [[Heretek|inventor]], due to his creation of a small robotic swarm that assist him with certain duties. His right arm is paralyzed so instead of doing the normal, cool Mechanicus thing and replacing it with cybernetics he decides to just build a brace to help him move it. Omnissiah only knows why he wasn't forcefully re-purposed as a [[servitor]] for his blatant tech-heresy yet, especially considering he's from Mars and not some backwater Forge World where things like autonomous drone swarms can be overlooked. This goes double as this is post-Great Rift, where Guilliman's protection of Cawl's tech heresies (one of which includes AI-tech) has the AdMech inching closer to another civil war.

'''[[Space Marines]]:''' Here as usual. Depicted in [[Primaris Marines|Primary-sue]] armour, so this bright and happy tale is happening post-[[Great Rift]]. Naturally, they're using the [[Ultramarines|Ultrasmurfs]], as they're "[[Matt Ward|bravest of all the heroic Space Marines]]", and not because they're just the most easily recognizable Chapter that gets the most publicity, honest.

'''[[Necrons]]:''' The cold and unfeeling "enslaving tyrants" we all know and purge, probably chosen because killing robots is much more family-friendly than shooting at living things, and some of their [[Gauss|primary weapons]] kill cleanly too. Them keeping slaves can be brushed off as an individual Phaeron's insanity, as there are dynasties who enjoy having slave/pet races, and some of those living under their thumb [[Heresy|even enjoy decent living standards]] as Necrons have no need for manual slave work with their techno-sorcery. Of course, [[Nemesor Zahndrekh|every]] [[Illuminor Szeras|canon]] [[Trazyn the Infinite|Necron]] that ''does'' take prisoners does so for reasons such as [[Grimdark|personal insanity, acquiring test subjects for deadly experiments or to have them <s> frozen in Carbonite </s> trapped forever as a living diorama]]. Though in retrospect, Trazyn being an evil space collector who traps living beings to keep as exibits and '''ART''' he actually would make a pretty good kid-adventure villian (leaving out the eternal agony parts in regards to some of his captives).

=== Age of Sigmar ===

'''Elio:''' Token black kid from the realm of life. His medical skills are "second to none", presumably among his age bracket of a mere 14 years. Obsessive about [[Drycha|plants]], but apparently interested in all critters great and small, up to and including monsters like [[manticore]]s. Also, he's not much of a fighter - because that's not a concern with giant man-eating monsters, right? Basically the embodiment of the gentle giant/pacifist healer trope, in a setting where people like that exist to be fed to Chaos warriors to show the audience how evil they are.

'''Alish:''' A 12 year old from the Realm of Light, who is "restless, inquisitive and highly intelligent" and has the instinctive ability to repair "almost any mechanical device". She also loves inventing and has apparently designed and built everything from clocks to airships, despite being 12. Mary Sue classic. And to make her extra stupid, the one thing she refuses to build is weapons, despite A) walking around with a sodding huge hammer and B) living in the monster and barbarian filled world of AoS where access to weapons can and will save lives. Basically Zelia, but in fantasy.

'''Kiri:''' At fifteen, she seems to be the oldest of the bunch, coming from the realm of metal. Kiri is "as strong and steadfast as steel" who was raised in the barbarian slave camps of Aqshy (because the whole character would probably have been a lot different if it was a Slanneshi warband) where she learned to fight as soon as she could walk. "Somehow this harsh life hasn't made her cruel or resentful" - direct quote, and we're pretty bloody surprised too. She uses a slingshot. She fought in chaos gladiator pits '''and won''' with a ''slingshot.''

'''[[Stormcast Eternals]]:''' As they are. Nothing particularly odd or inaccurate in their bio blurb - they even mentioned the whole "died and was reborn" bit.

'''Darkoath Barbarians:''' One of many tribes serving <s>[[Chaos]]</s> [[Derp|the forces of Evil]] (they're probably lumping all non-Order Grand Alliances into one big "bad guys" group, because Order ''totally'' lacks [[Drycha|any]] [[Daughters of Khaine|dark]] [[Idoneth Deepkin|side]]). Plundering, pillaging, enslaving... typical villain stuff. Their name is still less stupid than 99% of what GW Legal's shat out, though.

[[Image:Tauren.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Marauding.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Cameraclops.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Gustaph.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Valkyrian.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Crusade.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Rocket.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Commando.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:ParryKnights-COTD-EN-SP-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:LordGaiatheFierceKnight-MVP1-EN-GUR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:GuardianofOrder-LODT-EN-ScR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:LightrayGearfried-LCJW-EN-C-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:BlackLusterSoldierEnvoyoftheEveningTwilight-AP08-EN-SR-UE.png|550px]]
[[Image:BlackLusterSoldierEnvoyoftheBeginning-DUSA-EN-UR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:IsoldeTwoTalesoftheNobleKnights-EXFO-EN-UR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:blade_armor_ninja_by_neversm1le-d9iy3we.png|550px]]
[[Image:ZubabaGeneral-WIRA-EN-C-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:OneEyedSkillGainer-ABYR-EN-SR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:PhotonPapilloperative-SP14-EN-C-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:NightPapilloperative-NUMH-EN-SR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:Number10Illumiknight-BP03-EN-SHR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:Utopia.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Number98Antitopian-DRL3-EN-ScR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:Number86HeroicChampionRhongomyniad-WSUP-EN-PScR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:Heroic.jpg |550px]]
[[Image:Gandiva.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Kusanagi.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Arthur.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Number39UtopiaBeyond-MP15-EN-SR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:GauntletLauncher-MP14-EN-UR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:SwordBreaker-REDU-EN-SR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:PhotonStrikeBounzer-SP14-EN-C-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:Number93UtopiaKaiser-YCSW-EN-SR-LE.png|550px]]
[[Image:Return.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Unity.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Solidarity.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:TheBeginningoftheEnd-DESO-EN-SR-1E.png|550px]]
[[Image:Mirror.jpg|550px]]
[[Image:Devour.jpg|550px]]

==Reception==
Initial reception has been [[Skub|polarizing]], to say the least. Many consider this series a futile attempt to dilute the grimdarkness of both Warhammer settings to try and appeal to a younger demographic, with the slim but worrying possibility of the dumbing-down and "modern" approach to writing working its way into the setting proper in a greedy lunge for Daddy's credit card. ([[End Times|It's not like GW isn't known for terrible ideas, after all.]]) Characters hating weaponry, gleefully searching xenotech and running away from conscription in 40k certainly don't give people that much confidence, leading to pointed questions regarding how they would deal with darker groups like Dark Eldar/Elves, Daughter of Khaine, Idoneth Deepkin, Chaos, Undead or Tyranids; when asked, Black Library deflected the question or gave non-answers to the effect of "very carefully." There's also the argument that many kids prefer fantasizing about character older than them, and that by making the protagonist kids, they are invariably just making it corny and unappealing to the very audience they want to attract.

Defenders argue that this could be an opportunity to flesh out groups and aspects of the setting that often get ignored, showing positive aspects of the galaxy in a setting so focused on grimdark. There's also the possibility of new mini-lines being produced, probably somewhat cheaper than the mainline series to not scare children (or their parents) away, which could help flesh out the more neglected armies, assuming they don't just keep drowning us in Spacesigmarines and Stormhammer shit because that's what Marketing wants to sell. And the most obvious benefit being that parent gamers will be able to introduce their younger children to the setting with age-appropriate material before weening them into the more mature stuff (like it is meant for ages 8-12, older people aren't suppose to like it) thus giving young kids more options.

Considering that GW themselves have said that their ideal demographic is “an intelligent 18 year old,” it's somewhat baffling why they’ve chosen to write for a demographic so young. At best, they should have started with young teens, giving them more room to stay closer to the grimdark of 40k while still being able to pull back. Perhaps their reasoning is that younger kids are easier to sell merchandise to, which is probably true if properties like Skylanders are anything to go by. That being said, we don’t know what’s GW’s long-term strategies are for drawing in and maintaining this younger demographic, or what the parent’s reactions will be when their kids start screaming “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD” or “HERESY” at every opportunity.

Ultimately, market performance alone will probably put paid to Warhammer Adventures. Expect a few months, maybe a year, to go by of ''nobody'' buying it, either for their kids or [[Heresy|themselves]], after which GW will probably just sheepishly sweep their little failed experiment under the rug and join us in pretending it never existed. Considering just how smartly GW's been handling their relationship with the fanbase lately, it's actually hard to imagine them just bulling forward with such a stupid idea once it becomes clear that nobody's interested. In the unlikely event that it catches on (or the slightly more likely event that the project is kept alive for the sake of internal or external politics) and GW invests more resources into it, consider learning the history of Magic: The Gathering to see where that particular slippery slope will lead.

==Gallery of Memes==
One of the few good things to spring from the announcement of Warhammer Adventures is the number of lulzy images produced by /tg/ as anons interpret what little they know in their own "unique" way.
<gallery>
File:WHAdventuresWTF.jpg|Everyone's first reaction upon reading Zelia's bio
File:WHA-Commissar.jpg|The Commissar's first reaction upon reading Talen's bio
File:WHA-Mekki.gif|The Mechanicus' first reaction upon reading Mekki's bio
File:WHA-TheNecroning.png|How the Necron book is most likely going to end
File:WHA-ChaosSchoolbus.jpg|"Hey kids! Today we're going to learn about MURDERFUCKING!"
File:WHA-Scooby.jpg|"Jeepers! It was old man Abbadon the whole time!"
File:Warhammer Adventures.jpg|They ripped-off the rip-off!
File:WHA-Thanos.jpeg|This is why you don't play in front of the anti-tank guns, kids.
File:90EE3FA4-8EF1-43A7-AE7A-6CC30E92D56D.jpeg|Preview of the upcoming Dark Eldar Book (the next line is "I've got candy").
File:Look_what_i_found_mom%2C_an_alien%21.jpg| Look what I found, mom, an alien! Can we keep it?
File:WHA-ZeliaLore.jpg|Lore-friendly Zelia
File:WHA-TalenLore.jpg|Lore-friendly Talen
File:WHA-MekkiLore.jpg|Lore-friendly Mekki
File:Warhammer adventures.jpg|A sneak peek into the secret psyker character.
File:WHA-Chaos.jpg|"The spiky guy said he'd take us all over the galaxy, surely we can trust him!"
File:Change.jpg|Pictured; Zelia's father, Zelia's father's second-in-command, Zelia's half-brother (in the bag), unnamed warrior from the Kabal of the Black Heart.
</gallery>
[[Category:Games Workshop]]
[[Category:Literature]]
[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]
[[Category:Black Library]]
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Lost and the Damned

2018-08-17T01:56:10Z

2A02:587:3A12:6900:4D37:3817:75A4:92DE:

{{Oldschool}}
{{heresy}}
{{Cleanup}}

[[File:WH Faces (5).jpg|300px|right|thumb|FOR CHAOS!!]]
[[Image:Cultist-chan01.jpg|thumb|300px|right|FHOR KAY-OSS!!]]
[[File:Realm_of_Chaos_-_The_Lost_and_the_Damned.jpg|thumb|200px|right|1989 Chaos! suplement for WFB and 40K]]

The '''Lost and the Damned''' are the various Chaos-following cultists, pirates, rebels, mutants, renegade [[Imperial Guard|Guardsmen]], and so forth that are not [[Chaos Space Marines]] or [[Daemons]], but fight alongside them for the Dark Gods. They're mostly known for their fanaticism, narm[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Narm], disposability, and alternations between complete brilliance and mind-shattering idiocy (largely depending on the individual group). Most members of the Lost and the Damned are considered at least 50% as ballsy as their Imperial counterparts, which is fairly ballsy by [[Grimdark|the standards of the 41st Millennium]].

Once upon a wonderful time, [[Games Workshop|the powers that be]] gave them an army list of their own in Codex: Eye of Terror (the sourcebook for the [[13th Black Crusade]] campaign). Sadly, Games Workshop dropped support for the army as soon as the campaign was over, screwing over everyone that collected an army of them and making them our generation's [[Squat]]s. As usual, of course, [[Forge World]] went completely around Games Workshop (Foregeworld is part of Games Workshop PLC and answers to the same management, which makes people's bashing of GW and love of Forgeworld utterly perplexing) and not only still carries renegade Guardsmen, but also publishes an army list for them, called Renegades & Heretics, which can be found in [[Imperial Armour]] Vol. 5: The Siege of Vraks Part 1 ([[Khorne|Khornate-]] and [[Nurgle|Nurglite-]]themed variants can be found in IA 6 & 7, respectively). There are also a few fandices that have been made (which will be listed below) but they're completely unofficial. There's also the option of creatively using Allies to combine Chaos Space Marines or Daemons with Imperial Guard, as well as simply [[Khorne|painting your Guardsmen red and shouting BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD whenever you get a chance]].

Of course, none of these options really cover the variety that might be found within the Lost and the Damned, as most focus on renegade Guardsmen and maybe a few other eclectic options.

==And you thought the Guard was rough==
So, you have managed to defect from the Imperium and joined the ranks of the Lost and the Damned. You had been drafted and taken from your dreary but comparatively peaceful home that you shall never see again, taken across the galaxy to a place you have never heard of to die in a war you have never heard of in the name of the Emperor. You have lived off shit rations, been bullied and bossed around and threatened by men in nice [[hats]] and then those voices in the back of your head came offering an escape for all that. And you have managed to somehow switch sides and join up with the local chaos force, everything is going to get better right?

Think again.

First of all, while you have switched heaps, you are still at the bottom. And while your old bosses might have been puritanical callous slave drivers, at least they were sane ([[Meme|ORLY?]]). Sided with [[Slaanesh]], well [[anal circumference|prepare your anus]]. Sided with [[Khorne]], hope to hell that you don't get set with a delay or have to go on a long march or get pinned down among your fellow psychopaths, because he only cares that it flows, and no, not that ''"it"'', that's Slaanesh domain. [[Tzeench]]? Well, expect to be expended in [[just as planned|someone's schemes]]. [[Nurgle]]? Hope you like becoming a walking pile of sores, blisters and pustules with random bits falling off while smelling of a mixture of slaughterhouse runoff, old gym socks and vomit (alright, to be fair you won't care about that, being Nurglite and all).

On top of that, your leaders are completely fucking nuts and you are their literal punching bag. Alright, some are better than others (though the same goes for the guard that your heretical ass left) but the bottom bar for chaos leaders is going to be lower. Chaos is more, well, chaotic. Seeing someone shot because the boss had one of his little moments or knifed in the back because someone forgot where he put his socks and accuses someone else in your Warband of stealing them is not going to be uncommon. Now if you are a scheming bastard, a good demagogue, an exceptional fighter or simply lucky/favoured by the gods you might be able to go up in rank (though generals die in the guard as well and someone's gotta fill those gaps). That said, this is quite a cut-throat business. On a related note, the forces of chaos are also [[Malal|opposed to themselves]]; in absence of loyalists or orks and such, a battle between servants of rival chaos gods is inevitable. Even if you are fighting a loyalist force or some orks, you still better keep an eye out for rival chaos worshipers.

Then there is support. If nothing else the Imperium has the edge in Industry and general manpower. You will generally have to make do with much less than you did in the Guard and much of your gear is likely going to be looted from people who don't want you looting their stuff. Now [[Daemons]], some mutations and the blessings of the Chaos goods might be helpful, but that brings up the risk of getting into [[Chaos Spawn|Chaos Spa-urh]], going-even-lower-down-the-command-chain-than-you-already-were-while-losing-your-brain-in-the-process-territory. Finally, you've had enough of this? Well too bad. There is no going back, [[Heretic]] scum.

On the other hand, if you survive, have the skills to pay the bills, and satisfy the Dark Gods, the sky's the goddamned limit. You could even be a champion yourself some day, or perhaps even a [[Daemon Prince]]. It's happened before. All it takes is ambition and a willingness to survive (and the ability to not die from a [[blam|bolter slug to the face]]). No one said this was going to be easy.

==Games Workshop does it again==
The Lost and the Damned army list was a hell of a lot of fun, and was designed for those who had scored Codex: [[Warp|Eye of Terror]] for campaigns. The idea was simple: an army full of non-Marines dedicated to Chaos - pirates and raiders and cultists and mortal warriors devoted to Chaos, all under one banner, albeit with Chaos Marines allowable as Elites (and you could even get a cheaper, if weaker, Chaos Lord/Sorcerer as an HQ).

[[File:Bigmutant.jpg|300px|left|thumb|'''YOU ERASED MY HIGH SCORES ON ''TETRIS''?!'''.]]

The combination of lots of modding possibility, a potentially characterful army, and some interesting ideas to differentiate it from the Imperial Guard went a long way towards endearing it to players, since the idea of cultist units had been toyed with before in the previous Chaos Codex, with the [[Alpha Legion]]. This was taking it to its logical conclusion, and suffice to say, some people thought this was [[Awesome|pretty cool]]. Forge World saw potential here as well, and to promote the new army list, put out some bad-ass new resin-cast models. Several people started to get into the new army, and there was a lot of [[Derp]] and win as players used this to put out some truly entertaining army lists, from Zombie Apocalypse setups backed with heavy armor, to squads of Traitors backed by Mutants and APCs.

True to form, however, the second that the official tournaments of the season ended, Games Workshop abruptly stopped supporting the army entirely, refused to allow Lost and the Damned armies into future tournaments, pretended the previously-supported army [[Squats|didn't exist]], and left players with naught but the [[Counts As]] rule to keep them company - and then there was [[RAGE]]. A few fortunate souls - the ones focusing on infantry and not-Chaos armor - could get away with using their killy and flash models as a viable Imperial Guard army, but these players were a distinct minority, since a lot of players had used the rules to field more versatile, interesting, or outlandish lists, especially given how expensive the models from [[Forge World]] are.

Fuck ''you'', GW - although, as GW [[squats|has consistently behaved this way for decades]], at some point one has to blame the players for expecting anything different to happen. Of course being followers of Chaos one can't blame them completely for expecting something totally unlikely to happen.

But all is not lost, for the [[Forge World]] Siege of Vraks sourcebooks each contain a variant Lost and the Damned list at the end. Part one has rules for a vanilla [[Chaos Undivided]] force, Part two has rules for a Khornate force (with Berzerkers as an elite option), and Part three has rules for a Nurgle force (with Plague Marines as elites). Still rather luckluster though, as the limited units and god choices in the army made it rather obvious they were primarily intended for the Vraks campaign even though Forge World's website said they could be used for other renegades if needed. But then Imperial Armour 13 came out...

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Chaos]]

==6th Edition==

6th edition brought with it rules for allying between armies, which though full of [[Derp]] and [[Rage]] due to odd combinations, did allow an Imperial Guard army to ally to Chaos Marines or Daemons (albeit only as Desperate Allies). This, combined with the return of Plague Zombies and Chaos Cultists in Codex: Chaos Space Marines, allowed for the Lost and the Dammed to be used (more or less) in sixth edition. Forge World also updated their Renegades & Heretics army list from the Siege of Vraks series, allowing them to ally with the Guard, Chaos Marines, or Daemons. Sadly, neither of these options entirely captured the flavour of a Lost and the Damned army---the Siege of Vraks series was, by that point, badly outdated, and allying Imperial Guard to Chaos Marines had severe restrictions (and, anyway, Imperial Guard aren't quite the same as Lost and the Damned).

==7th Edition==
While 7E started off with a similarly bleak outlook with only the badly outdated Vraks rules, now under suspicion with the underwhelming options and Imperial Guard now being desperate allies at best with Chaos, Forge World managed to pick up on GW's slacking ass by releasing '''Imperial Armour 13''', a new sourcebook that not only showed off some new super-toys for the regular Chaos armies, but also brought in a much larger army list more suited for 7E. Now instead of just an undivided, Khorne, and Nurgle army loosely using similar units, now the army could haul out not only some of the new Chaos toys including the [[Noise Marines]] and the Sonic [[Dreadnought]], a shitton of tanks, and a new specialty system allowing for other armies like a Heretek army using old Mechanicus shit and a daemon-casting army.

Is it a great army? Jury's still out on that, because the book's still sorta new, but some issues still persist like random leadership and only one named hero available. Is it an improvement? You bet your fucking ass that this is, even if your units start off with a meager BS2.

If you wish to judge it for yourself before selling your soul to Forge World, [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Renegades_and_Heretics(7E)|take a gander over here.]].

==8th Edition==
Well thank Gods that's over! The age of egregious cheese-mongering has finally come to a close as 8th edition blessed us with its grace. So, what's new aside from everything? All the fun Forgeworld Toys got yanked officially but you can always add them back because of how faction keywords work. We've kept our Chaos Covenants, but you get one and it's only if you take a Renegade Commander. The big loss is Demagogue Devotions but as we said, Faction Keywords can get those all back along with taking allies from CSM and Daemons.

The base army is squishy dudes and tanks. For more info, please check out [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Renegades_And_Heretics(8E)|the tactica here.]]

==Fandex alternatives==

[[Image:GiotaTsirouFaceboook.jpg|right|thumb|800px|Panagiota Tsirou, a 200 pound girl of short stature with unnatural agility that is incompatible with the physical boundaries that her obese biological structure should obviously follow, proving that a twisted disfigurement of reality is already existent, unleashing the incomprehensible influence of the warp in ways too unimaginable for anyone to get acquainted with its reflections in our ludicrous lives, redefined by overwhelmingly shocking surprises.]]

Being one of the most popular ideas out there for IG conversions, many players have obviously taken to creating their own versions of the LatD codex. Here is a list of the people who have come up with their own fandexes (will be updated as more are found):

*Chaos Gerbil's fandex (is currently asking for more playtesters, but codex is pretty solid) [http://bloodofkittens.com/chaosgerbil/files/2012/02/Codex_Lost_and_The_Damned_ChaosGerbil_v5.pdf] Here's a link to his blog as well so you guys can keep up with his updates [http://bloodofkittens.com/chaosgerbil/].

*The Tempus Fugitives had their own version. Sadly, their website went down, but it can still be found here: [http://www.cold-moon.com/40k/40kRP/PDF/Alternate%20Codexes/Tempus%20Fugitives%20-%20Codex%20Lost%20and%20the%20Damned/Codex%20Lost%20and%20the%20Damned.pdf].

==The Traitorous Regiments==

Like the Imperial Guard, the Traitors of the Imperium come in a huge variety of flavors, all ripe for different customization ideas. From those who want their freedom from the oppression of the Imperium, to those who become corrupted with Chaos, there's plenty to choose from. The following is a list of the renegades found in the universe of Warhammer 40k so far. Also, I'll provide some advice on where to find people who have done conversions for those regiments already. More information can be found on the Warhammer 40k wikia and Lexicanum on these groups.

*'''[[Blood Pact]]:''' This renegade group originally hails from the [[Dan Abnett|Sabbat Worlds sector]]. They worship [[Khorne]] almost exclusively, but they're much better organized than the rabble usually found in the Lost and the Damned. This is mostly because they pattern themselves after Imperial Guard. Unlike most renegade groups, however, they've actually captured some industrial and [[Forge World]]s, so they can field tanks (even super-heavy tanks!). They also have some fairly unique divisions, such as Loxatl xenos mercenaries, unique psykers (yes, really, [[Rage|Khornate Sorcerers]], but it's okay, because it was made up by [[Dan Abnett]]) called Gore Mages that turn renegades into special Daemonhosts called Blood Wolves, and Storm Trooper equivalents. Technically, however, they aren't ''renegades,'' but rather an independent, Chaos-worshipping nation that had never been under control of the [[Imperium]], at least not in living memory. As such, they have a rather unique set of customs, such as cutting their hands on pieces of power armor as an initiation ritual (hence Blood Pact). They also dye their uniforms with the blood of their enemies and display corpses on their tanks. As you can probably tell, [[/tg/]] adores these guys.
**Conversion opportunities abound. In fact, some people have even made full Blood Pact armies. The most impressive belongs to Dave Taylor; in addition to the full counts-as-Imperial-Guard army, he also scratch-built a Stalk Tank and wrote a datasheet of rules for it. You can find it here: [http://davetaylorminiatures.blogspot.com/2009/10/family-album.html].
**A note of caution: the Blood Pact wear special Oni-styled masks that will take considerable time to model with green stuff. For your converting convenience, here's a link for head swaps with Oni masks: [http://www.thewarstore.com/product61269.html]. And another: [http://maxmini.eu/conversion-bits/head-swaps/fallen-legionnaire-heads-bits].

*'''Sons of Sek:''' Because the Blood Pact is so awesome, you can't have just one warband. The Sons of Sek are an elite force under the command of Anakwanar Sek (hence the name), who wants to take control of the Sabbat Worlds for himself. They function pretty much the same as the Blood Pact and, by extension, the Guard. However, they do have a couple of unique features, like a Commissaresque commander called a Scourger and an even better-organized, elite force than the Blood Pact.

*'''Vraskian Renegades:''' Basically the "default" renegade army, as [[Forge World]] sells models and provides an army list for them (although it works well enough for most armies). As their name implies, they come from the munitions-storage world of Vraks, where (soon-to-be-Apostate) Cardinal Xaphan decided to secede from the Imperium. He earned the support of the (heavily-armed) populace by telling them that the rest of the Imperium had fallen to Chaos and they were the last untainted humans left. [[Plague of Unbelief|Hey, that sounds familiar!]] The very small percentage of the population that knew the truth of his fall to Chaos became his enforcers and bodyguards. Of course, this was all [[Just as Planned]] by the [[Alpha Legion]], who then threw their support behind the rebellion (hence why they can field Chaos Space Marines as Elites). Also, being from a munitions-storage world, they get access to old-school, super-cool, super-heavies like the [[Malcador]].
**Here is a kickass Vraks renegade squad for some inspiration (7th row, middle column): [http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/content/article.jsp?categoryId=&pIndex=10&aId=13000009a&multiPageMode=true&start=11].

*Carnibales: an uprising occurred on the planet Solo-Baston when the Ecclesiarchy (in all their infinite wisdom) started taking the lands away from the natives. Not liking this, the indigenous population was guided by 2 pairs of [[Blood Gorgons]] Chaos Space Marines (who are by all accounts awesome.) They saw the opportunity in the natives plight and trained them in guerrilla tactics. They also smuggled advanced weapons from offworld which were then assembled by the rebels. Once the rebellion was in full swing, the Ecclesiarchy hadn't anticipated so many rebels, believing the rebellion to be small. The Carnibales (as they were now known) had managed to capture the planet and executed anyone still loyal to the Imperium. The Imperial Guard eventually came to reclaim the planet but where held off and defeated(!) thanks to the Earthshaker cannon (supersized) the Carnibales captured. After that, the Blood Gorgons added the planet to their growing list of captured planets who enjoy their protection (no sarcasm, they really are not that bad for csm, they love freedom and rebelled against the oppressive Imperium and help others free themselves.)
**Given the fact that their name seems to be derived from Spanish and that they use guerrilla tactics, think South American rebels. They also have special leaders called Disciples, who follow the teachings of the Blood Gorgons. They are injected with daemon blood and mutated to superhuman levels of strength. Multiple opportunities for conversions. I suggest using the WHFB Chaos sorcerers as Disciples.
**<s>Carnibales are basically space Taliban</s> jungle guerrilla fighters. The author who created them, Henry Zou, is an Afghan war vet. Seriously, loose guerrilla army that uses hit and run attacks, hides out in local villages, and receives external support from a clandestine foreign source? <s>That's either Taliban or Vietcong</s> Vietcong or latinoamerican guerrilla as the setting of the novel Flesh and Iron is at a jungle world which looks and feels like the Amazonian or Vietnam jungle. Either way, a good look for that sort of force would be just standard dudes in simple clothing (ie the black pajamas worn by the Vietcong) with assorted small arms, think of the rebels in the first Predator movie.
***The Vraksian Renegades army list is the best suited for this group. They have the Apostate Preachers and Enforcers that can be modeled to be Disciples. They also use light weight skimmers called spikers and one can use the Vraksian salamander's stats for it. Overall the list has the guerrilla warfare feel of the Carnibales.
***Given their "armed feudal-worlders" background and insurgent guerrilla army influence, kitbashing [[Tallarn Desert Raiders|Tallarn]] and [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|Catachan]] infantry kits together would make for some good looking models, just be sure to "Chaos them up" a bit.

*Brethren of Fire: A [[Tzeentch]]ian LatD force that arose when the entire PDF of the sepulcher world Tachira went [[Chaos|full-on-heretic]] from the Imperium's failure to stop constant depredations by the [[Dark Eldar]]. Led by a Tzeentchian Chaos Lord-in-exile, the newly extra-heretical forces took complete control of the planet and managed to drive Imperial forces off-world before a warp storm enshrouded it. They've since emerged numerous times, seeking slaves and plunder, and backed by a small number of Chaos Marines. Their force organization is based only loosely on the Imperial Guard model, having phased out Imperial Guard recon units in favor of [[Stalk Tank]]s and Mutant packs, though they possess production capabilities and considerable heavy armor, including [[Baneblade|Decimator Super-Heavy Tank]]s.

*The Ironclad: Mr. Zou also brings another cool army, the Ironclad, a pirate and marauder army which are somehow connected with the Carnibales (we won't spoil you here how, just go read the Bastion Wars trilogy) they are an assault horde oriented force which boasts wheeled light tanks and shock armored infantry, any Warhammer Fantasy model with iron plate armour (hence their name) will work great for them, along with some Tauros Venator and Testudos, of special note is that the setting of The Emperor's Mercy where they appear features a lot of desert geography, so you may mix sand and metallic colours to bring a very nice visual effect, oh, and they are allies with the Blood Gorgons (the guy in the 6th edition CSM book cover is a Blood Gorgon), so this opens the possibility for wonderful ingame alliances.

*[[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine|Chosen of Nemeroth]]: While this isn't in fact a true regiment and rather a warband of [[Chaos Space Marines]], it does have its own traitor Guardsmen, all wearing a closed helmet with glowing green light and shooting green beams with the lasguns, suggesting they might have something to do with [[Nurgle]]. Why they are in a warband like that is unknown, but might just be there to give the warband some bodies. Their main strategy is to drown the enemy in grenades and agro the shit out of them so the [[Chaos Space Marines|real deal]] can aim their plasma cannon properly. They are absolute pushovers in melee combat and will always try and keep themselves away from the fray, but good [[Emperor|lord]] do you need to get close to them anyway - In comparison to [[Ork|other]] [[Chaos Space Marines|enemies]] in the game. they are small and nimble as fuck, so shooting them can be risky and generally wasted business.

''More regiments coming soon.''

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