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The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

2023-01-26T02:13:17Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E:

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[[File:Skyrim..png|500px|right]]
{{Topquote|But... there's one they fear. In their tongue he is "Dovahkiin". Dragonborn!|Esbern}}
{{Topquote|Buy Skyrim.|Todd Howard}}

The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim is the fifth game in the [[Elder Scrolls]] main series, firstly released on 11th of November, 2011...and then re-released six more fucking times after that, seriously, if someone finds a psychologist to help Geedubs with their [[Space Marine]] addiction, they should send Todd Howard to them too. This time the game follows the player in the province of Skyrim; set 201 years after [[The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion| Oblivion]].

Despite releasing to near-universal praise in 2011, it ultimately became one of the most [[skub|skubtastic]] games ever made. Many praise it as one of the best games ever made, while others consider it the single most overrated game ever made. It certainly was one of the most influential games of the 2010s, with many imitators aiming to replicate and modify Skyrims basic open-world-sandbox game design (which is, all skub aside, probably its greatest strength).

==Story==
Within this time-skip a lot of stuff happened. The Empire's Potentate was quickly assassinated. A faction of Altmer supremacists named the Thalmor took over the Summerset Isles and seceded, also annexing Valenwood and turning Elsweyr into a client state. Morrowind got royally fucked due to the floating rock in Vivec city finally striking Vvardenfell, the Red Mountain subsequently erupting and the northern half of the country was left uninhabitable, the Argonians invaded the southern half as payback for years of slavery, and what isn't run by vengeful ex-slave lizards or covered in burning ash is in the midst of a political vacuum caused by the collapse of the pro-Imperial House Hlaalu. Then the newly-christened Aldmeri Dominion declared war on the Empire and even sacked the Imperial City. The Imperial Legion drove them out at great cost but the Emperor, Titus Mede II, was forced to sign a ceasefire with several punitive terms including a ban on Talos worship and giving up parts of Hammerfell. These terms (especially the Talos ban) were... controversial to say the least; Hammerfell, fed up with the fuckery of the elves and the Empire at this point, kicked them both out and declared independence. Between this and their handling of the Oblivion Crisis and the Red Mountain eruption, many people within the Empire began seeing it as weak and ineffectual, selling out the non-Cyrodiilic peoples to save their own sorry hides. But for now, an uneasy cold war exists between the two empires and everybody knows Round 2 is just around the corner. Sequel-baiting, if you will.

You naturally start as a prisoner, captured for trying to cross borders between Skyrim and Cyrodiil. For your misfortune, you were caught along with the leader of the rebellion Ulfric Stormcloak, and since Empire wants to stomp the rebellion as quick as possible you along with Ulfric and others are to be executed with impunity. It would have been a very short game if it ended that way but luckily, as your head was about to get chopped-off, the main villain flies in and, as the village is being destroyed, you escape. After you escape, having to choose between teaming with the Imperials or with the Stormcloaks, the world opens up and lets you loose to adventure. Between the player's adventures and the Civil War affair, you discover that you are the prophesied [[Dragonborn]]; [[OP| a dragon soul with a mortal body, that can absorb the souls of dragons for power]] <s>rather than whatever-the-fuck [[D&D]] concocted</s>. [[Mary Sue| The character had been specifically created by the gods of time (Ald) and space (Shor)]] to stop the dragon Alduin, son of Ald, from either ruling the world or destroying it prematurely. Only '''YOU''' can save the world.

==Expansions==

* '''Dawnguard''': The first expansion focuses on the titular '''Dawnguard''', an ancient order of vampire-slayers that had been reformed by a rather extremist member of the already narky Vigilants of Stendarr named Isran, its battle with an ancient clan of Vampires called the '''Volkihar''', and an ancient prophecy that concerning the disappearance of the Sun that ''both'' factions are interested in (which ends up being a millennium-long petty SCREW YOU from a Snow Elf to his god in the belief that said god abandoned him). The expansion fleshes out the existing Werewolf abilities into its own perk tree, adds the choice to become a Vampire Lord (with its own perk tree), and introduces one of the best written of possible companions, in the melancholic but sometimes-snarky vampire princess Serana.

* '''Hearthfire''': Build houses and adopt orphans! For those whose frustrated interior designer's itch was not scratched by the existing residences in each Hold, the Dragonborn is now given the option to build one from the ground up. What's more, one can now assign Followers to be Stewards of these residences, as well as hire carriage drivers and even personal bards to sing of your exploits. One can now also adopt various orphans into your family, and give these kids a more comfortable childhood under your care.

* '''Dragonborn''': Being called Dragonborn, the main focus is evidently upon the titular character. Not just the main character but the very first Dragonborn as well; Miraak and his schemes with Hermaeus Mora. This expansion introduces the island of Solstheim, which had been previously presented in [[The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind| Morrowind's Bloodmoon]]. While Bloodmoon showed Nord culture and a different environment from Vvardenfell, Dragonborn does the reverse; showing Dunmer culture and some of the flora and fauna from Morrowind, in a massive callback from the 3rd main game and its expansion. Aside the new items, creatures, shouts and spells, the expansion also introduces dragon riding. A desired yet disappointingly implemented mechanic, since it doesn't allow full control of the dragon; permitting only to fast-travel to a handful of places and some command options.

==Tabletop==

===The Elder Scrolls: Call to Arms===
If you're not into video games, Todd has got you covered. On January 2020, the publisher Modiphius Entertainment released Call to Arms; a tabletop wargame set in current timeline Skyrim.

===Skyrim - The Adventure Game===

Approved Cartoons

2023-01-25T03:35:39Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* Unapproved, But Mineable */

{{/co/}}
This is a list of [[/tg/]] '''approved [[/co/|cartoons]]''', organized loosely into genres. This list was only recently split from the [[Approved Television|television page,]] so feel free to contribute; try to keep to the formatting used in the [[Approved anime|anime page,]] and fix any deviations (episode counts, related games) that you can.

== Action ==
*'''The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers''': 80s cartoons were all just merch-driven crap... aside this gem. Amazingly high quality show, which is still perfectly watchable today (unlike pretty much anything else from the 80s). Mostly famous for combining space exploration, western and alien invasion, without falling into camp. Oh, and killing characters left and right. Think about it as a prototype Exosquad. Also, kick-ass music.

*'''The Adventures of Tintin''': A ''very'' faithful adaptation of classic Franco-Belgian comics series, combining quality animation, great source material and the pulpy adventure feeling. Think Indiana Jones, but with a reporter instead of an action archeologist. And just like the source material, the series swiftly balances humor, pulp qualities and serious, often dark themes (there is on average at least one dead body per episode and this is still a kid-friendly show).

*'''Blake and Mortimer''': Another adaptation of Franco-Belgian comics series. This time it's about adventures of duo of Brits: Scottish scientist Philip Mortimer and Welsh Captain Francis Blake of MI5. Spy fiction, exotic adventures, weird science and ancient mythos - what else to expect from what started as a pulp magazine? If you ever plan to run ''[[Hollow Earth Expedition]]'', this is one of the best possible inspirations.

*'''Cybersix''': What was originally an adult-oriented Argentinian cyberpunk comics about Nazi escaped experiment fighting for her life was bizarrely adapted into children-oriented animated series. Probably due to how easily it is to mistake it for capeshit, despite not being even close to it. Worth watching due to sheer crazyness of the content alone. Not to be confused with '''Bionic Six''', an obscure 80s cartoon about a ridiculously diverse family of science adventurers who have all been turned into super-powered cyborgs and use their new powers to battle a mad scientist.

*'''Exosquad''': The European Front of World War II '''IN SPACE''' with Mechs and Power Armor. It is well plotted and can get incredibly dark for what is supposed to be a kids show with a very high body count, policies of extermination through starvation and genocide. Even so it suffered from having a small budget and a few sub par designs.

*'''Gargoyles''': Disney's serious response to Batman: TAS (as opposed to Disney's satirical response to Batman: TAS of Darkwing Duck, which was pretty damn good itself if a bit more conventionally cartoony). Some [[Gargoyle]]s (a race of winged strong humanoid creatures that turn into stone during the day, rather than mere architectural adornments) live in Scotland the middle ages fighting Vikings, get betrayed, frozen in stone and are re-awakened in modern New York by a businessman who could give Tzeentch lessons in plotting played by William Riker. That is just the beginning, as there are also stories of betrayal, robots, suits of [[power armor]], cyborgs and a fair number of magical things borrowing from a variety of mythological sources, but most notably the works of William Shakespeare.

*'''Gravity Falls''': 12-year-old boy-and-girl twins, Dipper and Mabel, are sent to spend a summer with their shady great-uncle ("Grunkle") Stan in the titular town of Gravity Falls. It's a Disney cartoon, so the tone is solidly [[Noblebright]], but some of the supernatural stuff is surprisingly [[Grimdark]] for a kids' show. Notable for ending organically at two seasons, preventing any seasonal decay and it wraps up very nicely. In Stan's own words, the show has "a big mystery element! And a lot of humor that goes over kids' heads!"

*'''Highlander: The Animated Series''': Yes, you are reading this right. It exists. It's kid-friendly. And it's one of the best things that ever happened to this franchise, even if it's not saying much. The crazy post-apo setting alone makes it worth watching.

*'''Invader Zim:''' A cult classic Dark sci-fi which focuses on the title character, a little green cyborg bug alien from a race of military fascist cyborg aliens called the Irkens, whose culture is centered around turning entire worlds into singular purposes, often for a excess and commercialism filled reason, like Foodcourtia the Food Court Planet. Zim is banished to Earth when he nearly accidentally destroys the Irken homeworld, and tries to pretend to be School student to conquer earth from the inside, with the aid of his insane robot GIR. Opposing Zim is a wannabe cryptozoologist nerd named Dib Membrane. The show was cancelled due to complaints from moral guardians, but was such a cult classic it was given a series finale movie in the form of a Netflix special, "Enter the Florpus".

*'''The Legend of Calamity Jane''': A too-good-to-last 90s cult classic. Probably the best "serious" animated western. Since it wasn't exactly made with kids in mind, it provides a lot of mature content. Which is the main reason why moral watchdogs killed it after just 13 episodes.

*'''Motorcity:''' Corporate overlord Mark Hamill has built an apple brand hive city on top of post apocalyptic Detroit and rules it with an iron fist while a band of renegades fights him from the Detroit Underhive with high tech muscle-cars. Similar to Megas XLR in a lot of ways, including being screwed over by the Network Execs.

*'''Nanook's Great Hunt''': A French-Canadian co-production, telling a story of a young Inuit boy on his self-declared quest to hunt down a mythical Great Bear which brought famine to his people. All in the backdrop of early 20th century and modernity slowly pushing even into the frozen fringes of the world. Borderline fantasy, since as long as things are viewed from Inuit perspective, everything is explained by magical thinking. Worth watching even for the setting and lore alone.

*'''Night Hood''': Yet another French-Canadian co-production, this time about "the exploits of Arsène Lupin" (which is the actual title of the series everywhere outside Anglosphere), escape artist, gentleman thief and rogue extraordinaire. Very stylish, very classy, full of heist jobs and pulp feeling to it all. There is also a whole lot of lore picked up from original books by Maurice Leblanc.

*'''Primal''': A show by Genndy Tartovsky about a Caveman and a T. Rex trying to survive in a brutal primitive fantasy world. Features hideous prehistoric predators, brutal primitive civilizations, supernatural witches, a zombie virus, and deep emotional loss from losing family members.

*'''Roughnecks: [[Starship Troopers]] Chronicles''': Take the best parts of the book and film and none of the crap. One of the early CGI shows (and it shows) cut short due to budget (as in just short of the ending).

*'''[[Samurai Jack]]:''' A wandering samurai lost in the future kicks ass and saves lives in his quest to get home. Elegance in simplicity. Amazing animation. [[Kaldor Draigo]] ''wishes'' he could be this cool. Finally got a conclusion on Adult Swim after years in limbo and the tragic death of Mako, the villain Aku's VA. The final season unfortunately suffers tonal whiplash as well as several anti-climatic moments and major unresolved plot threads. Canonically continued in a recently released video-game entry, though many purists will likely just not count that.

* '''Star Wars The Clone Wars:''' Not to be confused with the other one from 2005. A TV series that started out bad and gradually got better, while also injecting gradually enough grimdark to make some question how this show was for kids. Include the awesomeness that is the Clone Troopers and their incredibly talented VA, who has starred in several of the shows on this list, great character development all over the board and smart ass one-liners. Really just did a fantastic job with the lore and expanding the universe. It is advised to skim through the first two seasons, as the series was still trying to figure out what it wants to be. Then again, maybe don’t, since the first two do have some important plot points for later, but you have been warned.

*'''Todd McFarlane's Spawn''': Imagine a world where animated series aren't related with kids and "animated" doesn't mean "low quality". That's the world from which Spawn was accidentally teleported from. Dark as fuck, it plays anti-hero dial so high you seriously wonder if the guy can even quality as a hero at all. Worth even for the imagery alone. It gave us Keith David as the man himself (bless his sexy, deep voice).

*'''[[War Planets]]/Shadow Raiders''': Forgotten third show from Mainframe in the 90s, alongside Reboot and Beast Wars. Four alien races that have been screwing each other over for thousands of years because they need the resources of each other's worlds have to put aside their difference in the face of a common foe -- a "Beast Planet" that devours entire worlds and their civilisations whole, overwhelming its prey first with armies of mindless drones. Very intense, very good characters, plenty of action. The Beast Planet is kind of a "[[Necron]]s imitating [[Tyranid]]s" enigma, which may be a good or a bad thing.

*'''[[Wakfu]]''': A French cartoon based on a video game which itself is the sequel to a mmorpg, is bizarrely good.

* '''Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?''': There is a good chance your local "Well, akshually" guy got in at least some of the trivia from this cartoon in his youth. Besides, it's one improbable heist job after another, along with random collection of pure adventuring and tomb-raiding, so what not to like.
** '''Carmen Santiego''': Netflix' nostalgia-driven cash grab, but from purely "scenarios for heists in exotic backdrop" standpoint it works just fine. Just keep in mind this was a low budget series.

== Capeshit ==
*'''Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes''': A [[Marvel Comics]] animated series about the titular Avengers. Unlike the later Avengers Assemble show, it relies primarily on the comics for it's inspiration rather than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Also unlike the later Avengers show, it's actually good. Does a good job at balancing "monster of the week" episodes with a couple of running plot arcs across two seasons.

*'''Batman: The Animated Series:''' In a time when most cartoons were still [[My Little Pony|glorified half hour toy commercials]] BtAS dared to defy convention with a dark art style (literally, they drew the animation frames on black paper), darker themes, and characters you actually gave a shit about. This show was so iconic that a lot of the stuff you ''think'' was from the comic book (Harley Quinn, Mr. Freeze's wife Nora, Bruce being Best Friends with Harvey Dent before turning into TwoFace, and more recently, the Phantasm) actually started here. The show also gave us an incredibly well-rounded view of Bruce Wayne beyond his brooding demeanor, with episodes highlighting his philanthropic nature and genuine care for Gotham's people, even the no-name thugs that he's able to rehabilitate. This should be mandatory viewing for people making Batman films... unfortunately, [[DC Comics]] isn't that smart.
*'''Batman: Beyond:''' Sequel to the above series about a future Gotham where Bruce Wayne is a cranky old man who had to give up being Batman due to heart problems, in which a teenager is reluctantly accepted as a replacement Batman, using cyber-armor that is basically the batsuit sans cape but with rocket boots. Aside being a worthy contender for best animated Batman, it's also a great mine for cyberpunk ideas and storylines.

*'''The Justice League''' & '''The Justice League: Unlimited:''' More of the same cape stuff. These times with Superman & Batman are: Wonder Woman (WONDER WOMAN!), The Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, Hawk Girl, and The Flash. Includes an amazing story arc involving Project Cadmus, mature story themes and jokes, and the amazingness that is The Question.

*'''My Life as a Teenage Robot:''' A cult classic Nickelodeon cartoon starring a robotic superhero based on a Teenage girl as a design, Jenny "XJ9" Wakeman, who wishes to balance out trying to have a normal life amongst humans while protecting the world from various threats. The show was cancelled shortly after the made for TV movie, due to not raking in as many viewers as SpongeBob SquarePants, but /co/ almost universally regard the show as an unappreciated gem, and Jenny as the eternal "Queen of /co/".

*'''Spider-Man: The Animated Series:''' One of the series that were Marvel's attempt to challenge the DC Animated Universe, most of which (Batman TAS, Batman Beyond, Superman TAS, Justice League) are already mentioned here. Whilst hindered by an absolutely '''insane''' chief executive who labeled ludicrous restrictions on the show (for example, Spidey was never allowed to be shown punching people), it had an amazingly creative writing team who managed to miraculously pull off a decent cartoon despite her. Drawing heavily from the 90s and late 80s comic, it had season-long story arcs, actual character development, and plenty of fantastical action sequences. It's not as good as BtAS due to a lesser budget and the aforementioned restrictions, but it is generally considered the absolute best of the Spidey cartoons, saving perhaps maybe the Spectacular Spider-Man from the early 2000s.

*'''Spider-Man 1966:''' One of several series of "motion comics" that Marvel put out in the 1960s, including ones for the Fantastic Four, the Incredible Hulk, Captain America, Iron Man and [[Thor]]. Limited animation, but the visuals and the plots are so batshit insane that it's worth watching just for laughs. A legendary fountain of memes just about everywhere on the Internet.

*'''Superman: The Animated Series:''' About the same quality of writing as the latest episodes of B:tAS. This features 'the' seminal, if less popular, superhero: Superman from the planet Krypton. Made largely by the same crew as the above Batman, this series is another of the so christened 'Timmverse' that ended with ''Justice League''.

*''' Teen Titans''' (2003): Unlike the erratic shittiness that is Go! this series is pretty good, but barely makes it onto this list. It stars a group of DC characters no one usually knew about until this show (unless you read the comics). It had mostly good character development and it had the Half-Demon awesomeness that is Raven. However, it's bogged down by bipolar tone (keeps shifting between goofy humor and serious drama, albeit not as badly as [[Hellsing]] Ultimate), a shitty character that dares to name herself after [[Holy Terra]], and some bullshit plot devices. Which all unfortunately kept it from truly joining the ranks of the all-time greats, still it was a fun ride while it lasted. Hilariously, there is a villain that is literally a combination of a Neckbeard and a 4chan board full of skub. He also happens to be the monster responsible for Go!'s existence. When Control Freak dies, he's gonna be Trigon's torture buddy for the rest of eternity for such a sin.

*'''[[Transformers]]''': Near-legendary multi-series franchise dating back to the mid-80s, all of which revolve, in some way, around giant alien robots fighting a war that has been raging for millions of years without end. Different series have different aspects, so pick carefully.

*'''[[X-Men]]: The Animated Series:''' One of the sister shows to the aforementioned SMtAS, and generally regarded of the best of them. Takes all of Spidey's creativity and faithfulness to the comics, lifts some of the restrictions, but also piles on an extra serving of ham and cheese. The story goes the voice actors were Shakespearean theatre trainees and couldn't quite get the hang of toning it down. Still, if you like voluptuous Southern belles suplexing giant robots whilst their hot African weather witch partner rants like an angry goddess, you've come to the right show.

*'''Young Justice''': A DC animated show wherein Batman recruits the sidekicks and super-powered relatives of various heroes to serve as a black ops team for the Justice League. In spite of starring a bunch of teenagers, everyone still gets decent character development when the show isn't trying to be Dawson's Creek with superpowers. Unfortunately canceled because the execs felt it wasn't toyetic enough. Recently renewed for a third season to drive subscriptions for DC's exclusive streaming service.

== Comedy ==
*'''[[Adventure Time]]'''. tl;dr: A kids cartoon made by a DnD nerd. Starts off [[Chaotic Stupid|random is funny]], and never really gives up on that, but slowly reveals itself to be set in a Grimdark post-apocalyptic fantasy world inhabited by mutants and whatever remains of Earth's original animal population. The main character is one of the few humans left alive. Has [[skub]]tastic reputation due to art style and later seasons writing, so thread carefully. Written to be accessible to both adults and kids, so oldfags can watch the earlier episodes with their hellspawn, should they wish. Also, [[PROMOTIONS|you want to fuck the vampire.]]

*'''Archer:''' Think "Arrested Development" meets James Bond. It's an adventure comedy about an alcoholic man-child, who just so happens to be the world's most dangerous secret agent, and his equally deranged co-workers which include, but are not limited to; a sex addict accountant, a sadistic pyromaniac ditz, a bare-knuckle boxing Human Resource manager, a sassy black woman with abnormally large hands, the main-character's narcissistic mother, and a mad nazi scientist. Hilarious, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHAHEhhJisk ultra quotable], and great source material for secret agent role-playing.
** Later seasons ('''Dreamland''', '''Danger Island''' and '''1999''') are all self-contained genre spoofs, respectively being a hard-boiled detective story, an Indy-style pulp adventure and a military sci-fi IN SPACE! - and as such can be watched even without the broader context of the series.

*'''Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law:''' More of Adult Swim dragging Hanna-Barbera into an alleyway, brutally mugging them, and rifling through their pockets for old cartoon clips. If you were to script a show based on a Pheonix Wright rip-off with the same manic energy of Sealab 2021 and the failing-into-success of Archer, you'd likely hit close to HB:AAL. Can be mined for plotlines for "whodunnit" adventures in addition to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeRTo8MuTrw just plain weirdness] that [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y11lxG8WM9M can inspire greatness] at the table-top.

*'''The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack''': One of the two decent cartoons that got kids through the dreaded 'CN Real' era. The show follows the eponymous (mis)adventures of Flapjack, a young boy dreaming of one day becoming an adventurer, joined by his "candyholic" friend and dubious mentor "captain" Knuckles and his adoptive mother Bubby the talking whale. While the concept seems innocuous enough the show is set in a pastiche world of 17th, 18th and 19th century nautical tropes and features as much creepy shit as the show creator could get past the network and still be kid-friendly.

*'''Megas XLR:''' [[Tau|I DIG GIANT ROBOTS. YOU DIG GIANT ROBOTS. CHICKS DIG GIANT ROBOTS.]] That's all you really need to know. Big robots and funny shit. It's also the [[Ork|Orkiest]] show ever made, the Gork to [[Approved anime|Gurren Lagann's]] Mork.

*'''Rick and Morty:''' /tg/: the series. A comedy about an alcoholic mad scientist's adventures with his wimpy grandson. Has a instantly recognizable blend of fart humor and soul-crushing Nietzschean/Lovecraftian philosophy. Manages to pack a good amount of emotional punches with enough fun adventures and sci-fi/pop culture references to keep even the most stoic entertained. The third season is forever [[skub]] after the showrunner decided to replace the original writers with an all female team; speculated reasons range from [[SJW|"muh diversity"]] to [[Troll|"because I felt like it"]] but everyone agrees that it's just not the same. Rebounded somewhat in followup seasons that finally started to flesh-out the canon of the series (while also establishing it actually had canon) and still churned out some of the best episodes of the series period (while also making some of the worst...........so two steps forward one step back as usual). [[Reddit]] loves this series for the lolrandom bullshit and ebin pop culture references, so mention it on 4chan at your own peril, but it's still got some neato ideas for [[Genius: The Transgression]] campaigns.

*'''SeaLab 2021''': Conceptually in the same vein as Venture Bros but as a direct sequel to the straight-faced environmentalist SeaLab 2020, kind of. Episodes mostly consist of reused SeaLab 2020 stock animation or just entire scenes repurposed to parody SeaLab 2020 and 90 cartoons in general. At least one episode is a literal comedy redub of a vintage episode. Roughly a third of the episodes end with everyone dying in an explosion.

*'''The Venture Bros.''' An absurd parody of Jonny Quest, 60's animated shows, comic books, and pretty much every action franchise ever. Episodes primarily theme around failure (so great for 4chan) and absurd comedy. Can be [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D8aBP-JOZsU hilarious] but like Austin Powers, it's hard to appreciate the comedy of it unless you've seen the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonny_Quest source material].

== Fantasy ==
*'''[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]''': Considered by many to be the gold standard for animated shows in the 00'es and one of the best Western-made narrative shows. It has garnered many a fan for their funny characters, deep story lines, character development and Asian-but-not-[[weeaboo]] flavor. The sequel series, Legend of Korra, is rather [[skub]]tastic and while generally not considered as good as the original still contains a fair amount of deep storylines, world-building and well conceived villain's (arguably even more so than the original Avatar). Regarded as only good for [[Rule 34]] by much of /co/ and /aco/ (right down to be in their sticky). But than again knowing who your dealing with you can take that any way you want.

*'''Amphibia''': A 13 year old girl ends up teleported to the PG version of [[Catachan]] populated by sapient frogs, toads and [[Salamander|newts]] by a magical music box and moves in with a family of Frog farmers. Her two best friends are also brought along, but end up in different situations. Alternates between farce and peril at the drop of a hat and manages to pull both of them off, though it gradually shifts towards being more serious as time goes by.

*'''[[Castlevania]]''': A Netflix animated-series about the old Castlevania games of yore, Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse to be precise. Follows the exploits of Trevor Belmont, who tries to live up to the legacy of his family and travels the grimdark land of Transsylvania in classic Castlevania fashion. To keep the whip cracking and dagger throwing from growing stale, he is accompanied by Dracula's son Alucard and the mage Sypha on his quest to exterminate the forces of evil (Grant the rogue gets shafted as usual). The show is beautifully animated, overall very well written and just an absolute joyride from front to back. Fans of the original games will feel especially jerked off, as the creators have gone to great lenghts to be as close to the source material as possible (discounting the exclusion of Grant from the hero's posse), like recreating the exact attacks of enemies and remixing the original music. A second show is in the making which will cover the exploits of Trevor's descendant Richter Belmont and his lady love Maria Renard, set during the French Revolution.

*'''[[Conan the Adventurer]]''': A very solid cartoon from the early 90s based off of, what else? [[Conan the Barbarian]]. Probably best known for its rocking opening theme (WARRIOR WITHOUT FEAR!), but it's very mineable for [[Dungeons & Dragons]] and has a lot of actual novel lore scattered through the kid-friendly stuff.

*'''Delta State''': All Psyker Party: The Series. Four flat-mates are trying to both figure out their life after suffering from amnesia and in the same time prevent the invasion of body-stealing Rifters [[Warp|from another dimension]]. While it sounds like nothing in particular, it packs a punch and easily hooks you up with interesting universe and very relatable characters - the series was a successful attempt to deliver something like seinen for Western animation, so it's not for kids, but also avoids all the pitfalls of your typical "adult animation".

*'''[[D%26D_Cartoon|Dungeons & Dragons]]''': An absolute classic, worth watching even for the sake of the status alone. While the series still shows a lot of potential, most of it was wasted on too short episodes made on shoe-string budget. Being partially entangled into the [[Satanic Panic]] didn't help either. Still, worth watching. Just bring beer and friends. And a notepad for oldschool ideas. Sadly never got a proper canon ending. Is ''incredibly'' popular in Brazil, too.

*'''Jumanji''': Like a lot of successful and semi-successful films, Jumanji ended up with a follow-up cartoon. Pretty much what you'd want to see if Alan had stayed in Jumanji and Peter and Judy went on adventures with him. While the art style is (intentionally) weird, the episodes are amazingly mineable for campaigns and world-building ideas. Also featured many references to other works, but with a fun twist.

*'''Love, Death & Robots''': An animated anthology series that's all over the place, from comedy to cosmic horror and from pure skub for easy clickbait to genuinely good content, but remains very minable. First season's "[[Tyranids|Suits]]", "[[Vampire|Sucker of Souls]]", "[[Machine_Spirit|Lucky 13]]", "[[Kitsune|Good Hunting]]" and especially "[[Warp|Beyond the Aquila Rift]]" and "[[Delta_Green|The Secret War]]" are very much approved. The second season is full of shit, tho, skip it outright. Third season's entire saving grace comes in form of "[[Gothic_Horror|Bad Travelling]]" and if you squint really hard, then "[[Delta_Green|In Vaulted Halls Entombed]]" and "[[Q'Orl | Swarm]]" (if you believe in the theory that the [[Eldar]] created the [[Tau]]) get a pass. The rest is mostly cool visuals (with acid trips) and jokes about America.

*'''The New Adventures of Ocean Girl''': An Australian animated series, predominately aimed at teenage girls, but coming in a package with a complex world full of original races. Good world-building and bunch of interesting plot hooks and easy-to-reuse plot twists.

*'''Omer and the Starchild''': A French animated series. A truly rich world-building mixed with a lot of New Age imagery and unexpectedly dark story for a kids show. The series follows adventures of Dan, the titular Starchild, in his quest to free "Twelve Wizards" and unite them against the evil Morkhan.

*'''Papyrus''': An animated adaptation of Franco-Belgian comics. An epic tale of a young fisherman tangled into the conflict between Egyptian gods, tasked with the mission of freeing Horus and putting end to the reign of Seth... regardless if Papyrus himself wants to or not being a plaything of gods.

*''' Pirates of Dark Water''': A science-fantasy cartoon. The alien world of Mer is being devoured by an evil substance known as Dark Water. Only Ren, a young prince, can stop it by finding the lost Thirteen Treasures of Rule. His loyal crew of misfits that help in his journey are ecomancer Tula, a monkey-bird Niddler, and treasure-hungry pirate Ioz. The evil pirate lord Bloth will stop at nothing to get the treasures for himself and provides many obstacles for Ren and his crew. Standard quest for magic artifacts to stop an eldritch evil, but the creature design is where things got badass. The world of Mer was home to many creatures which can inspire a DM.

*'''Skeleton Warriors''': Knights of a science-fantasy kingdom must fight against a group of power-hungry warriors who, after attempting to seize an ancient relics, relics mutated into hideous Skeleton Warriors! Had an awesome theme song.

*'''Star vs. the Forces of Evil''': A teenage [[spellcaster]] and a teenage [[monk]] team up to fight magical monsters (including a [[kappa]].) As the series progresses, the story gets much more complex, and it becomes a story about drama within the government and royal families. While perhaps a bit too random in the first season the show is still fairly fun enjoyable show especially in the second season, unfortunately however the episodes in season 3 pass the episode "Toffee" decline in quality and season 4 is just a dumpster fire.

*'''W.I.T.C.H.''': So you want magical girl warriors, but you dislike anime? Here is the answer then, as it delivers exactly that, with all the possible plot bits and the general feel without, well, being a Chinese cartoon. Plus neat urban fantasy and teen characters that feel like teens (early 00s teens, that is).

== Old Stuff & Remakes ==
*'''[[Masters of the Universe|He-Man/She-Ra]]:''' The original 80s [[Sword & Sorcery]] cartoons of choice, He-Man is about a cosmically-empowered [[barbarian]] hero who has to juggle his daily life as the foppish Prince Adam and his muscle-bound alter-ego whilst defending Castle Greyskull from the forces of Skeletor, an evil wizard who seeks to claim the castle and the cosmic powers it holds to rule the universe. Made to sell every single crazy toy the designers could come up with. It's 80s fucking bullshit to the extreme, but if you can embrace the cheese and get past the memetically limited animation, it's actually good, clean, turn-your-brain-off fun, with plenty of ideas to mine for a more S&S or old-school [[Science Fantasy]] setting. "She-Ra" is literally "He-Man for girls", with Prince Adam's twin sister Adora using the twin to He-Man's sword of power to turn into a super-powered [[Amazon]] warrior, leading a resistance on the magical world of Etheria against the Horde, an invading army of space monsters and robots. "She-Ra" was conceived totally as a cashgrab to take advantage of the fact that "He-Man" was surprisingly popular with girls, so it's even more a toy commercial then "He-Man" and suffers for it quality wise, still it can be decent turn-your-brain-off fun just like "He-Man".
** An early 90s remake tried to rebrand He-Man (since it was also one of the forerunners of "cartoons as toy commercials" in the 80s) and failed flat. Mostly forgotten, since it dropped everything unique about the setting, replacing it with generic science fiction. These days very few even remember this thing even existed, with more than likely many not wanting to remember it. Easily one of (if not the) worst things in whole franchise.
** A 2001 remake of He-Man attempted to create a more serious, focused, action-orientated and generally less goofy take on the show. It worked, but sadly it died after two seasons due to a lack of an audience. Main culprit is believed to be horrid marketing from its main network who were never sure how to market the somewhat mature show among the more younger-audience leaning lineups at the time. Dig it up and enjoy it if you can for as far as remakes are concerned it is one of the best things to come out of franchise. And also accomplished the rare feat of honoring the previous series but forging its own distinct tone. While also giving refreshing spins on classic characters such as He-Man and Evil-Lyn.
** A 2018 "remake" called She-Ra and the Princesses of Power...exists. Whilst it ''technically'' has a better plot and animation than its predecessor, it is also much more rooted in post-2010s culture memes, so view at your own risk. That aside it does contain some surprisingly mature themes and subject matter considering the target audience and includes some legitimately good world building and character arcs, arguably some of the best in the whole franchise. If you can get behind some of the humor and occasionally very overt Noblebright tone it can actually be a rewarding watch. Bears repeating it won't be everyone's cup of tea and the above good points are somewhat [[skub]] depending on who you ask since more than few took to hating the show on principle (anti-[[SJW]] whinging for the most part or nitpicking lore changes etc.......).
*** Success of the above led to the 2021 "continuation" of the 2001 version, done to <s>maintain copyrights and licensing agreement</s>{{BLAM}} refresh the format and shakes things up. Not only it suffers from the same issues the 90s remake had, it's also [[Serious Business]] [[Edge]]fest running entirely on [[skub]]. Unlike rest of the list, fully disapproved.
** The 2021/2022 "He-Man & The Masters of the Universe" show. Reimagines Eternia as [[Science Fantasy|an advanced technological world whose magical past is being brought back]]. Despite a rather weird animation style and some borderline [[SJW]] choices (replacing Ram-Man with a female counterpart, most notable), largely considered to ''not'' be as shit as Revelation.
* '''Jonny Quest:''' '''''The''''' adventure series from Hanna-Barbera, notable originally for being first "realistic" cartoon to be made and having amounts of violence and brutality - for a show ostentiably aimed at very young kids - that makes moral watchdogs twitch to this day. For those same reasons, it is also never-ending source of pulp ideas and weird science plots. Even if you never saw it, there is a high chance you can recognise the characters and hum the main theme, regardless of nationality. Comes in three distinctive flavours, all three very much approved:
** The original series from the 60s, titled simply ''Jonny Quest''.
** 80s revival series, ''The New Adventures of Jonny Quest'', which came with animation bump, updated the setting and made if far more kid-friendly, without losing the adventuring vibe
** 90s Cartoon Network sponsored remake, ''Jonny Quest: The Real Adventures'', which finally realised the series mostly watched by teen boys could benefit from having a teen-aged main character.

*'''Lucky Luke''': An animated adaptation of a classic Franco-Belgian comics, done with help of Hanna-Barbera, following adventures of titular Lucky Luke - a cowboy so fast with his gun, he can even outdraw his shadow. Just like its source material, it's humorous in style and spoofs various staples of western genre, but never becomes an outright parody. Your gunslinger PC ''wishes'' to be this cool and suave.
** Got a new series in 2001, aptly titled '''The New Adventures of Lucky Luke''' and it's a hit-and-miss, with quality of the writing being all over the place. Somewhat infamous for being never screened to the original creator, Morris, for review and waiting out until he died with the release.

*'''The Mysterious Cities of Gold''': Throw into a shaker El Dorado, greedy conquistadors, dashing adventurers, an alien race of Mayan precursors... and a group of children tangled into the middle of it. Stir together, serve chilled. It's a high grade adventuring in the Latin America, easily passing modern quality standards without any issues and not struggling with any kind of typical cartoon censorship (thank God for the French). Oh, and it's a continuous plot, rather than villain-of-a-week type of deal - so you get a story of epic proportions, with equally impressive prep to to make it all work and come together, with world-building to carry it through. It's also one of the first "big" cartoons to be done in corroboration with Japanese (Studio Pierrot), so on technicality, it's an anime. Absolute classic and if you aren't a literal zoomer, you probably saw it as a kid.
** Got renewed in 2012 and 2016, thirty goddamn years after original premiere, for two additional seasons. To make it weirder, it picks the plot where the original, self-contained series ended, so you pretty much have to watch the whole thing to "get" it. Still worth every minute.

* '''Thundarr the Barbarian:''' Hanna-Barbera's [[Science Fantasy]] series set in the far future of post-apoc ruins of the United States. It's a collection of everything popular in early 80s: fantasy, post-apo, buff barbarians, Chewbacca look-alikes, <s>tits</s> princesses, light sabers and cheese. Copious amounts of cheese. If you ever wanted to run pulp megadungeon, look no further for inspiration. Aged far better than most 80s cartoons, since it wasn't intended as being a 20 minute long toy commercial.

*'''[[Thundercats]]:''' Regarded by /tg/ as "Dangerously [[Furry]]: the Cartoon". A [[Science Fantasy]] series revolving around a group of survivors from the destroyed world of Thundera crashlanding on the apocalyptic ruins of a far-future Earth and trying to rebuild their civilization, whilst battling mutants, monsters, magic and the ancient [[mummy]]-[[lich]]-thing called "Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living". Essentally He-Man, but more focus on action than on goofy comedy. Like He-Man, it also got a darker, edgier, more serious 2011 remake that fell through because <s>nobody watched it</s> <s>everyone was turned away by the tone shift</s> [[Derp|Cartoon Network wanted to replace it with Lego Chima]]. While the 2011 version is incomplete it still a very enjoyable watch as long as you don't mind some minor pacing problems.
** Then it had yet another - an unapproved - remake with even worse reception, the late 2010s "Thundercats Roar", which doubles down on just about everything awful in cartoons that had been pioneered by Teen Titans GO! (in fact, they did a crossover with TTG! purely for the "Teen Titans" to shill the Roar cartoon, which went down like a lead balloon). It aired early 2020 and only lasted one season. Given that COVID would force kids to stay at home, and thus have easy access to television, [[Fail|that is quite the accomplishment]].

== Unapproved, But Mineable ==
Any cartoons that have /tg/-worthy subject matter, but it's not like fa/tg/uys opinions really matter anyway.

*'''[[BattleTech]]:''' Yes, BattleTech had a cartoon series. It talks about a Adam Steiner and the 1st Somerset Strikers. It wasn't that good. Its production value was lacklustre and being forced into the animation age ghetto did not help. Its notable for its early use of transiting between traditional cel-animation and computer-generated imaging. While not godawful it was at best a slightly above average Saturday morning cartoon that's inappropriate to it's subject manner. What's even more notable is that the show exists in the BattleTech universe. You read that right, this cartoon that depicts BattleTech actually exists in the BattleTech universe. Can give inspiration on how the actions of a party can be distorted or changed to fit a different narrative. Also attracts much [[rage]] from fans of [[The Clans]] because the series is based around Inner Sphere protagonists, and thus the Clans are shown as a bunch of lunatics who just randomly showed up and invaded one day. So of course, CGL retconned the cartoon to be an in-universe propaganda cartoon made by the Inner Sphere, and the actual events of the show required a much larger army to accomplish than our plucky band of heroes, fighting against second-line Clan garrisons rather than the elites of the first invasion.

*'''Hazbin Hotel:''' Cartoon Network-tier [[Slaanesh|Slaaneshii stuff]], man. A grimdark musical dramedy about the princess of hell (who acts like a typical Disney princess) and her girlfriend opening a hotel where demons are reformed in the hope that they will be able to checkout into Heaven, so that Hell won't be forced to go through regular population purges anymore. Their first test subject is a drug addicted spider demon porn star. A mysterious and extremely powerful demon known as Alastor (A.K.A.: The Radio Demon), who is convinced that demons are irredeemable so their plan is impossible, offers to help so that he can enjoy watching them fail. Pretty good for character ideas if you want to make a demon or demon-like entity that isn't another cliché Always Chaotic Evil stereotype. In addition to be amazing mining material on ideas for uniquely designed demonic entities. Been on extended hiatus since its pilot released years ago but has recently announced an offical premiere date so more to come soon.
**'''Helluva Boss:''' a spin-off of Hazbin Hotel. A low ranking demon manages to steal access to the mortal world from a powerful demon lord (who lets him keep it in exchange for sexual favours), and forms a company where damned souls pay for the assassination of the humans who wronged them in life. More comedy focused than Hazbin Hotel.

*'''Hilda:''' Based on a series of comics and books of the same name, this Netflix series focuses on the eponymous Hilda, a young and blue-haired girl who is absolutely fascinated by the natural world and lives (at first) with her mother in a cabin in the woods before moving to a quaint and rather comfy-looking town and making some friends her own age (while still hanging out with a tiny two-inch tall elf and her pet deerfox Twig). The series is rather cute overall with some heavy touches of creepiness spread throughout, as well as some interesting magical creatures and monsters. Recently got a second season released and <s>rumors of a third being in the works</s>. The rumors of a third and final season has been confirmed as well as the release of a movie/extended episode.

*'''Inside Job:''' Looks to many like a Rick and Morty rip-off, manages to be an utter hilarious and trippy venture into the world of conspiracy theories, worthy to watch for its originality alone. The main character is a chronically overworked, mildly insane genius scientist working for a front company that secretly pulls the strings behind every crazy conspiracy theory in existence, which, by the way are all true here. President getting replaced by a robot? That's the pilot. Illuminati, Lizard People and Atlanteans having blood orgies in the bohemian forest of QAnon-Fame? Yup, it's here. Secret shadowy cabals managing the worlds affairs in a way no one notices? You bet. Everyone is insane, paranoid and on the cusp of a mental breakdown. Noteable is how the show, despite the crazy premise, stays coherent within the confines of its worldbuilding.

*'''Regular Show:''' A weird show that appeared on Cartoon Network with a really crappy final season, though the final episode is okay. Still, quirky characters, more than a few /tg/ worthy references, and a few decent jokes with lol random stuff all over the place make it decent enough if you need something to play while you paint that Gaunt Swarm. Basic premise is that the show follows the everyday lives of a group of park caretakers as they deal with regular issues that usually spiral out of control and become ridiculous and or supernatural. Main characters are a pair of immature slackers Mordecai and Rigby, an anthropomorphic blue jay and raccoon respectively.

*'''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] AKA Sonic SatAM''': A animated adaption of Sonic the Hedgehog. Well regarded by fans as something of a cult classic. Do be warned it is full of 90's cheese, it was a Saturday morning cartoon meant to make money off of a cartoon character after all. One special note is Jim Cummings in one of the scarier depictions of Dr. Robotnik. Also features one of the better depictions of nature vs industrialization, less green Aesop and more freedom from slavery (most of the time). Mineable for concepts and a good villain. [[Chris-chan|Possibly even watched by the]] [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|God-Emperor of Mankind.]] The Archie comic is also of note since it does technically continue the story, though do be warned of Ken Penders. He is considered the Matt Ward of the Sonic Fandom ([[What|except somehow much worse]]).

*'''Steven Universe''': A fairly average show with some surprisingly interesting world-building. Thousands of years ago, a caste-based race of mineral-based "Crystal Gems" with holographic bodies dominated the galaxy. A small band of Gems refused to let this continue, rebelling against their masters and shattering their empire at great cost to both sides. Now, a small cadre of Gems remains on the planet Earth, protecting humanity from the monsters their civil war left behind and raising the rebel leader's "son". [[Fail|Unfortunately, he's kind of a fuckup,]] and he's going to have to learn how to use his powers fast because the Gem empire is coming back for round two. Incredibly mineable for campaign and adventure ideas, when it decides to stop being hollow slice of life and gets its ass in gear. Warning: prolonged viewing <s>may</s> will cause [[Sanity|SAN loss.]]
** The fandom for this one is... mostly okay. While it's pretty chill overall, it's got its share of froth-mouthed SJWs (infamous for trying to drive an artist to suicide over drawing a fat character thin, [[Derp|and said character ultimately turned out to be a thin character who shapeshifted to fake her death]]) and psychotic "You don't like [Character] x [Character]! DIE, SCUM!" shippers. Stay the fuck out of the Tumblrtards/Twitterati's way, and you'll be good.

*'''Tigtone:''' Similar to Adventure Time but even more insane and a lot more bloody. The surreal adventures of a murderhobo named Tigtone who is obsessed with completing quests, writing about his quests in his journal, and shouting his own name. Takes place in a world that runs on a mixture of video game and dream logic. Has a unique animation style created with realistic paintings brought to life with motion capture to look deliberately uncanny like a poorly animated video game but also strangely beautiful.

*'''Visionaries:''' Also known as "Knights of the Magical Light". A shitty, toy-selling and very short animated series from the 80s. However, it's essentially one dungeon crawl after another, filled to the brim with all the science-fantasy gonzo ideas your average writing committee from that era could come up. Which makes it all extra mineable, despite otherwise being a set of 20 minute toy commercials. Don't try to actually watch it, just strip-mine the dungeons and encounter ideas.

[[Category: Approved Media]]

Harry Potter

2023-01-21T00:57:21Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* Main Cast */

{{British}}
{{Topquote|You're a [[wizard]], Harry|Hagrid, to Harry Potter}}
[[File:Hogwarts.webp|thumbnail|right|400px|Hogwarts Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry: A+ in Magical Education, F on OSHA compliance (and this place is the safest)]]
'''Harry Potter''' is a series of seven fantasy books written by J.K. Rowling, whose plot can be summed up as:

An Evil Overlord that was thought to be long gone is coming back. The Chosen One must defeat him by embarking on a epic quest to destroy magical objects related to said Evil Overlord - objects that reveal ties between Our Hero and the antagonist. He has the assistance of a wise old Wizard with a long grey beard, that will leave him along the journey. [[The Lord of the Rings|Yes, you've seen it before]].

It's a much beloved young adult fantasy series that started as a story for kids and kinda grew in tone along with the age of the audience. [[C. S. Lewis|Yes, you've seen ''that'' before, too]]

[[Star Wars|Oh, did I mention that the boy is an orphan living with his uncles and that the BBEG killed his parents?]]

Harry Potter is basically the forefather of the current young adult Urban fantasy genre, and series like [[Percy Jackson|Percy Jackson and the Olympians]] owe more than a small intellectual debt to it. While things like Anne Rice's novels and Vampire the Masquerade may have brought the urban fantasy genre into being in a recognizable format (well, disregarding western comic books, which are either considered their own genre or a kind of urban fantasy depending on who you ask), it was Harry Potter that brought the genre to kids.

Essentially, any fictional series about a kid from the ordinary world being whisked away into a secretive mystical one to face mystical problems - as well as the issues of it being hard to be a kid growing up - made from the 90s onwards owes something to Harry Potter, even if it's a story about deconstructing the Harry Potter type narrative. It also showed that there was a '''huge''' amount of money to be made from writing for tweens and teenagers specifically instead of choosing to go for either young children or adults. We're talking "quite possibly the most [[profit|profitable]] demographic to market towards" here.

In spite of this, no book has gotten even close to as much popularity among kids as Harry Potter. The closest to recapturing that kind of magic was Percy Jackson which was hobbled by some amazingly poorly thought out movie adaptations, though the Percy Jackson fandom is still very much on the large side for a fandom. However you could also argue that this is because after Harry Potter, when the young adult urban fantasy genre took off with a bunch more writers getting into it the readership also fragmented into a bunch of other series. Much like how no other space fantasy series has ever really managed to get even close to Star Wars level popular, and no Gothic Space Fantasy series has even approached 40k's popularity. The first in the genre to really take off tends to get the benefit of having no real competition when it first grows, while everything following it will have to fight a bunch of other people who also want to ride that wave. It's reputation has been tarnished recently after Rowling made some public comments on transgender people and doubled down on them.

Has a [[Skub|sequel]] (considered canon by the author) in the form of a stage play (and later a published script) where an adult Harry Potter struggles to deal with his past while his second son is troubled with living up to his father's reputation, all these while a dark, sinister plot is abrewing.

It also involves lot of time travel. And alternate timelines. And that woman with the food trolley on the Hogwarts Express [[grimdark|having worked there so long she's forgotten her own name and family]].
==Would you like to know more?==
The story is about an orphaned boy living with awful relatives. [[The Earthsea Cycle|He soon finds out he has magical abilites and goes to a Wizard boarding school where he makes friends, learns magic and does magical sports]]. Soon enough, learns about his family and gets wrapped up in affairs involving a Dark Wizard version of Hitler called Lord Voldemort and his associated assholes (including a Dark Wizard version of the Klan called Death Eaters and Nazgul rip-offs called Dementors). So basically the pipe dream of every disaffected teenager; this more than anything probably explains the series' breakout popularity.

The books sold really well, got a series of very popular movies which grossed higher than any other series of movies in history, probably got a fair bit of people interested in fantasy literature (given that they were mainly targeted to young adult readers) and generated a moderate amount of [[skub]] back in its day before the haters moved onto [[Twilight|things which were more uniformly panned]]. Given the target audience, it was also inevitable that the fandom created an unholy amount of fanfiction, including what's universally recognized as [https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/1/My-Immortal the worst fanfiction ever.] But it is also the source of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V4VxlsMuQ4 the best (and most batshit insane) fanfiction ever, as well].

Besides its reputation for producing an ungodly amount of [[NSFW]] fan fictions produced by horny and sometimes illiterate teens, the fandom (particularly the adults that most of the initial audience has aged into) also has a reputation for [[TVTropes|having their worldview constrained entirely by Harry Potter]], constantly comparing real world events to the fictional book series; any time you see a political tweet or protest sign reference Harry Potter, it’s inevitably met with dozens of people screaming “READ ANOTHER BOOK” in response. It can be truly embarrassing to witness.

In general the series has good characters, even though the main cast looks a bit lacklustre when you think about them, and the main antagonist has not much to him besides "I'm Hitler, but with a snake face and magic". Most of the supporting cast are reasonably fleshed out, engaging in their way with decent motivations which make sense and are part of the story both in the individual books and over the course of the series.

The lore and world-building is at best hit and miss, and sometimes you feel that the author is pulling ''deus ex machinas'' and lore out of her ass to railroad the story forward, but the series is not the worst gateway drug to the world of fantasy literature a young kid could have, even if traditionalists would favor [[Tolkien]], and of course many a writefag would argue that worldbuilding and lore are secondary at best to a consistent theme, plot, and good characterization. Similarly, as what is essentially the forefather of teenager oriented urban fantasy; it's obviously going to have the usual issues that plague other series that basically spawn a subgenre around them; other later series can learn from it and build on it. Much like how Seinfeld doesn't seem all that special today because its lessons have been so thoroughly disseminated throughout the genre that looking at Seinfeld now is like looking at a prototype of a line of products you're already familiar with. That being said despite quite a lot of competition (the most serious being Percy Jackson though the fandoms themselves are on good terms), Harry Potter still generally holds up as one of the better examples of young adult urban fantasy literature.

Eh, no reason you can't try both Tolkien and Rowling. Enjoy what you want, but the difference quality of both person and art is plain and obvious in this instance. Best not to bother and roll with it.

===Main Cast===
[[File:Harry-potter-characters-book-vs-movie.jpg|thumbnail|right|400px|Dramatis Personae]]
* '''Harry Potter''': The Boy Who Lived and main protagonist. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Books_of_Magic An unassuming English kid with glasses that obtains a pet owl, and takes up his preordained destiny to enter a secret world of magic hidden in plain sight]. The Dark Lord tried to kill him when he was a toddler, but his parents loved him and the spell bounced and made the Dark Lord vanish instead (if that raises questions you've probably already put more thought into it than the author did). Went to stay with his abusive aunt and uncle and didn't notice he was a Wizard until a hobo came to his house and told him. Not the smartest knife in the drawer, and for much of the series he's actually more hated than loved by the wizardry world due to him being an angsty kid and the author catering to the needs of the angsty kid audience, in-universe much of that hate stems from Harry being a very normal teenager instead of the magical titan they expect (even though that should be blatantly obvious). Also has a nasty habit to pull lucky deus ex machinas out of his own arse to save himself, but that part is at least self-acknowledged in the books.
* '''Hermione Granger''': Smart nerd girl and probably your first erection. When she gets a magical object that allows her to travel through time she uses it to study more instead of, for example, [[Old Man Henderson|solving every problem ever]]. Out of the blue she decided to bone the Comic Relief character at the end of the last book despite treating him as a dimwit for 7 years. The author has later admitted this was a mistake, even going as far as to say their relationship would be tumultuous.
* '''Ron Weasley''': Redhead comic relief. That's about it. Once he had a pet rat that was an old hairy man in disguise and slept with him. His brothers, due to the Marauder's Map (a magical object that shows the location of everybody in Hogwarts, [http://eggabase.com/wp-content/uploads/Easter_Eggs/Movies/Harry_Potter_and_the_Prisoner_of_Azkaban/Naughty-Marauders-Map-MI-350x300.jpg with all the unfortunate implications]), probably knew about this and was totally ok with it. Bangs a chick way out of his league due to contrived plot reasons.
* '''Voldemort''': aka Magical Hitler but with the brush moustache swapped for complete hair loss and a snake face. No, really. He wants to eliminate everyone with muggle ancestry, wizard or not. Why? Because his mother date-raped his father with a love potion, said father abandoned them after getting off the potion and she died giving birth to him. That sucks, but no need to take out your issues on the rest of mankind. For half of the series he's in a ghostlike state until he gets himself a new body (he was noseless before, it was a side-effect of splitting his soul and putting the pieces in soul jars), thanks to the fact that he [[Lich|split his soul up into a bunch of different objects]]. Is finally killed for real when Harry destroys all the Horcruxes - himself included. WHAT A TWIST! But then Harry's still alive because he's the master of the Deathly Hallows! DOUBLE TWEEST!
* '''Albus Dumbledore:''' Headmaster of Hogwarts, most powerful wizard in the world and all around cool old coot. Initially considered a bit of an airheaded old codger who was none the less nice and supportive, but as the books progress, we learn he'd been playing 5D time travel diamond chess against the forces of Voldemort, secretly and clandestinely pulling the strings of all other characters in the series, like a noblebright [[A Song of Ice and Fire|Littlefinger]]/[[Lord of Change]]. Dies, but it’s okay, because he [[Just as Planned|planned around it]].
* '''Alan Rickman:''' As himself. Ron Weasley's actor was legit terrified of him for the first couple movies.

== Harry Potter stuff relating to tabletop games ==
*[[Harry Potter and the Tabletop RPG]]
*There are up to several [[GURPS]] modifications for a Harry Potter-themed setting.
*Kids on Brooms

[[category: Literature]]

Medieval Stasis

2023-01-12T07:11:10Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* Fantasy authors are bad Medievalists and historians, part 2 */

{{Topquote|[[Eberron]] in 998 YK is based on the idea that ''civilization is evolving''.|Keith Baker, explaining why Eberron is not a normal campaign setting.}}
'''Medieval Stasis''' describes the state of essentially all fantasy worlds that never get to [[steampunk]], and a crucial component of the [[standard fantasy setting]].

As the title implies, most fantasy worlds are stuck at a technological level roughly equivalent to Europe between 1000 CE and 1500 CE, being more advanced in some fields and more primitive in others, until the universe collapses. A [[knight]]'s ancestors five thousand years ago fought against Orcs on the back of a great warhorse, wielding [[sword]] and lance, wearing plate and a greathelm, just as he does at present and how his descendants 25 generations down the line will. At best, some groups in the universe may be more advanced than others (some peoples might be building castles and forging plate armor while others live as primitive cave men armed with flint axes and stone tipped spears), but nobody will be developing new technology, or, on the off chance one or two factions are, it will never spread much or catch on anywhere else. This also applies to social structures such as feudalism, with a max of one non-Greco-Roman democracy per setting. It will be conquered and restored from edition to edition as fanboys war behind the scenes.

While it is not, in and of itself, a bad thing, as it creates a set mood and style of play, we run into the fact that many writers are hacks, and use it to both rip-off other writers (principally, Tolkien) and to [[Advancing the Storyline|keep the world stagnant enough that they don't risk smashing something people actually like that they didn't have the skill to ''realize'' they shouldn't smash, while still maintaining the illusion of forward momentum]]. The ''[[Forgotten Realms]]'' is a prime example of this, featuring both several powerful organizations out to stifle any attempt to progress the technological or socioeconomic advancement of the setting, and many lame-brained "advances" in story from edition to edition, most infamously with 4th edition's "Spellplague" and retconned twin planet where all the new 4e races were hiding.

A common thing among fantasy writers is treating firearms of any kind as a taboo. Many feel that featuring firearms would somehow ruin the medieval feeling despite the fact that firearms were used in the late medieval period (and in Warhammer.) Granted, [[neckbeards|many people's]] weapon history knowledge is such that they believe that having guns would immediately mean having AK-47s rather than merely having handcannons or matchlock muskets.

Note that in high-magic settings, sorcery sometimes gets so common and overpowered that it basically replaces technological progress. Why would you build robots or rockets if you can just create golems or cast Teleport Without Error?

Another issue with medieval stasis is that a lot of writers—most of them in fact—probably know less about the actual Middle Ages than the average Crusader Kings 2 player and thus present not only a world in medieval stasis but one that's in, at best, a theme-park version of the medieval period and quite often only really showing Anglo-French medievalism (and a bastardized shitfarmer version of it at that). The somewhat more historically literate might put in some anachronisms like references to ancient Greece, Egypt, and Rome, or to the Aztecs (usually a ramshackle mishmash of half remembered tidbits of the Mayans, Aztecs, and Inca thrown together with no real thought), and if you're extra lucky you might get something that's an extended reference to a (largely inaccurate) medieval Islamic polity or to the Holy Roman Empire, mixed in with the usual barbarian tribes, but that's usually about it. Like the Democracy thing mentioned above? It was nowhere near that simple in real life. A great many of the tribal societies we have records of were actually very democratic, where the King was elected and so were the chiefs below them and they absolutely did not have absolute authority over their subjects. And of course "feudalism" is simply a catch all label for a hugely varied and complicated array of societal organization systems that can be vaguely described as an aristocratic hierarchy based around land and military service and assorted ties of loyalty and bloodline.

And even in medieval Europe you had systems that broke the norm, like the merchant republics of Italy or the north German free cities, and of course you had lands directly ruled by the Church. Never mind that you also had rather different systems of organization elsewhere in the world, like in the Islamic world, India, the Americas, and of course, China's quite literal bureaucracy where civil servants hired based on their performance in examinations did most of the day-to-day governing of China; dynasties could come and go but the bureaucracy was eternal. Tolkien was himself, of course, a medievalist with very deep knowledge of the time period, even by today's standards, with our rather improved access to knowledge of the time period. Warhammer was created by history nerds who very much knew what they were writing about and so populated the world of Warhammer Fantasy with references to just about every political system that predominated in the medieval and renaissance periods as well as a lot of those that predominated in antiquity. So not only does Medieval Stasis perpetuate an annoying degree of sameness in the fantasy genre, it also tends to be based on a conception of medieval times that's not only essentially completely limited to France + England with some scattered references to other stuff, but is also almost completely wrong about everything and doesn't even scratch the surface of the depth of medieval history.
==Some general historical points==
One thing that should be known is that no one group of people has a monopoly on innovation. You have some stodgy conservative societies with "revere your ancestors and their wisdom" and "If It Ain't Broke Don't Fix It" mentalities which hinders improvements and those which value innovation and believe in progress for the sake of progress and various groups in between, but nobody has been so dedicated to stagnation that they would shun all attempts at improvement in perpetuity. Civilizations which don't keep up tend to be conquered by those that do. Actual resistance to the adoption of new technologies is typically not to the effect of people in authority demanding the inventors or the presenters of the new breakthrough be burned at the stakes for witchcraft; instead, generally, it would be more to the effect of seeing a new device and declaring it to be an interesting novelty, but be reticent to adopting it because doing so would be expensive and its benefits are still unclear, that there is not a particularly pressing need to improve that field right now, that it might be profitable in one sense but on the other hand it might destabilize the social order of things that has stood for centuries which can result in social unrest as people which profit from the current set up become redundant or that this beneficial machinery might come with complications that leave them in the pockets of foreign powers (buying spare parts for their machines or importing foreign fuel). Concerns which generally do have at least a kernel of truth to them (example: industrialization leading to the rise of a prominent bourgeoisie which eclipses the landed nobility), and the attitude that they often engender is to adopt changes gradually, "on their own terms". Other factors are general xenophobia and resistance to the ideas of Methodological Naturalism as opposed to Dogmatism, though even these are not absolute barriers.

Most improvements don't come in big breakthroughs made by some lone mastermind; a [[Stone Age|genius hunter/gatherer]] did not one day decide [[Bronze Age|"Lets start clearing out land, plowing it and sowing it with seeds and capturing animals to breed so we can have all the food we want"]]. That process took thousands of years, starting with little things such as weeding patches of wild food plants which were gradually added onto with other practices until you got farming as we'd understand it, with silos, farmhouses, fields, plows, pens of livestock, irrigation ditches, and so forth. Improvements can come about by people trying to be more thrifty, having to do with less of a previously common resource, more of a specific resource becoming available or by minor accidental variations. The idea that technology comes all at once from super special smart people ex nihilo instead of being born of conditions produced by years of decisions made by everyone from politicians down to the lowliest peasant is something born of a combination of fiction being kind of clumsy at showing things at a societal instead of an individual level and narratives which are basically hagiographic propaganda about how great some inventor was (while almost invariably not crediting all the people who helped them), with a bit of market campaigning meant to make you think that a slightly faster electric toothbrush is some massive revolution. If you look at society as a product of decisions made by the masses under conditions, rather than some smart guy having a great idea, questions of why some people didn't invent some things become much easier to answer. Even in the last two centuries where quick spread of knowledge meant one genius could share their idea quick, it was still common for more than one of them to have the same idea at the same time. It's why some science concepts are named after two people instead of one.

Certain technologies and conditions are conducive towards innovation. Let's look at the history of literacy, paper, printing, and the scientific method, for example. If your tribe can farm you have support some artisans who spend all their time weaving, making pots and tools, building boats, working wood, etc. These guys and gals know more about their field of expertise and work out ways of doing it more efficiently. Writing (developed to keep inventory records) means that ideas can be passed down from generation to generation more effectively. Mathematics (ditto) is a major boon to construction and later engineering. Movable type means that both are more readily available to the masses. The scientific mindset is also a valuable aid in this regard and is allowed to flourish because the greater spread of reading pushed by the movable type press and the adoption of paper makes it easier to become educated as well as record the results of experiments and share them with others. Before you had paper and printing presses, writing surfaces were expensive and all copying had to be done by hand. Afterwards, you could print newspapers, books of natural philosophy and manuals for the operation of machines.

What does this mean for the scientific method? Well in this era to have a great, world renown library meant having one thousand or so books and generally they were chained to the library to prevent people from stealing them because they were literally worth their weight in gold. Today a random middle class bookworm could easily have more than a thousand books given some time to collect them, and the really big libraries have literally tens of millions of paper documents. So the massive paper trail of the modern scientific method was simply not affordable, and the need for manual copying basically kneecaps peer review. Add to that that paper itself was introduced to Europeans during the 1300s when Marco Polo returned from China (something many medieval fantasy writers simply gloss over out of convenience). Part of the reason why so little metarial survived from the days of Rome and earlier is because their preferred material was Papyrus, which takes very badly to any kind of humidity. During the dark and middle ages, the material of choice in most parts of central and western Europe became parchment made from animal skins, which was extremely expensive and could therefore only be used to write and copy documents of utmost importance. But with cheap paper, a greater number of people able to afford it thanks to black death induced changes to Feudal Europe, and printing presses science as we now know it could really get into motion.

Refinements in existing technologies can be a prerequisite to the development of new technologies. As an example, the Romans knew the basic principle of how to make a steam engine and even how to put rotary power to work (having watermills for grinding grain and sawing wood) but they could not apply that technology because they lacked the ability to cast iron as they lacked proper blast furnaces, something you need to be good at doing to make one which is actually useful. The steam engines known to the Mediterranean world at the time were basically fancy toys for the idle rich. The Chinese had the technology to theoretically make steam engines, but the issue tended to be a lack of substantial need as well as [[China]]'s bad habit of periodically exploding into colossal gigadeath civil wars. The Song Dynasty might have sparked the need for such technologies as they were rapidly transitioning towards a highly commercialised economy and out of the bounds of feudalism and were starting to run into issues of demand outpacing the ability of work to meet, [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|but things didn't go too great for them.]]

Finally there is the matter of Diffusion, the spread of technology from one country or civilisation to another if they are in contact with each other. This can be done directly (kidnapping a blacksmith and telling him to train up some of your bronzesmiths to work iron and beat him if he does not comply) or indirectly (a trader from the next kingdom over comes into town with a donkey pulling a wheeled cart, a carpenter sees this, thinks it's a good idea and decides to try to make one himself). There is no point in reinventing the wheel from log rollers on up when you can just copy someone else's work. Moreover if the idea spreads there will be a hell of a lot of people working on it making wheels coming to useful improvements by accidents, making refinements and big breakthroughs which will in turn spread again. If you started in Portugal and went east through Spain, France, Italy, the Balkans, Greece, Turkey, The Fertile Crescent, Iran, Pakistan, India, Indochina and China, you'd come across a series of well developed civilizations that had existed for thousands of years and each one had dealings with their neighbors. Ideas that started in India or Rome or Greece flowed along that pathway to be taken and refined elsewhere.

tl;dr: Stop being lazy and go read Guns, Germs and Steel.

=== Fantasy authors are bad Medievalists and historians, part 2 ===

The vision of medieval times that exists in fantasy is a gigantic pile of anachronisms, pop-history, and misconceptions. Much of this is due to Fantasy's scope of time being seriously out of whack even without innovations like gunpowder or industrial technology. See, our monkey brains aren't very good at really comprehending spans of time longer than a handful of decades (hence why your childhood and youth memories always appear a lot more recent than they actually are, yes, 1990 really was 30 years ago). So we tend to mash up entire "eras" of history into indistinct blobs in our headspace, even though the entire concept of a historical era is more or less for academic convenience and categorization. Charlemagne's Empire was as far back in the past relative to Joan of Arc as she is to the present day. And technology and culture certainly did not remain static in those intervening seven hundred years. Paris went from a fairly small city of a few tens of thousands to a bustling metropolis of nearly a quarter of a million people, mail or banded armour was largely replaced by solid plated armour, gunpowder was popularised, sugar was introduced to the European diet, the Magyars went from eastern horseback-mounted pagan invaders to a solidly Catholic and Europeanised mainstay of central Europe as the Hungarians, and eastern Europe was Christianised in a rather gory and unpleasant process, to name just a few of the drastic changes over the years. Of course, any Crusader Kings 2 player could tell you how ridiculous the idea of the political map of a faux-medieval realm remaining static for centuries is.

Let's now take the common complaint among Fantasy authors that guns render castles and knights in shining armour obsolete. Full Plate armour coexisted with man-portable gunpowder weapons throughout literally the entirety of its military service and was phased out because of reasons of cost as armies got bigger, not because it was ineffective against guns. Making a fully articulated suit of plate armour fitted to every soldier is expensive and time consuming, so as armies got more standardized as countries centralized, with equipment being given by the military rather than soldiers being left to figure it out themselves, it was deemed easier to just give people the basics needed to protect their bodies. In that case, ditching the limb armor to reduce costs while keeping the helmet and breastplate like the Swiss Landsknecht and the Spanish Tercio. Hell: in Japan, the increasing prevalence of guns is what made the Samurai go from only partially metallic lamellar armour to full metal plated suits in the first place.

Furthermore, Plate armour by and large did not coexist with other types of metallic armour. It straight up replaced them all because it was just flatly better. Whether it's just a breastplate, a suit of half-plate (half referring to how much of the body is protected), or full plate, there was basically zero reason to wear anything else. Once the metal casting technology for plate armour became widespread, other forms of armour largely disappeared save for covering joint areas because plate armour is simply better in every way and is cheaper to make. Full coats of mail or scale didn't coexist with efficiently made plate armour; there's no need for a chain shirt when a solid steel breastplate offers superior protection for no downside, and full plate is actually considerably more comfortable and lighter than a full coat of mail. So that adventuring party where the Barbarian is wearing chainmail for mobility and the fighter is wearing full plate to tank better at the cost of agility? Simply didn't happen. You're mixing your dark ages and your late medieval/renaissance era armour styles. Mixing armor did, however, happen with conquistadors, and ''may'' have occurred with other small groups of fighting men. This was due purely to costs, not armor types having pros and cons, as used obsolete gear was far cheaper than armor anyone actually wanted. The equipment log for the 287 combatant Coronado expedition lists five suits of full plate (four belonging to Coronado himself), four suits of plate armor for horses (all Coronado's), 16 sets of partial plate, 56 pieces of sleeveless chain armor for the torso (two vests only), one suit of sleeved chain armor, and 250 gambesons. Archaeologists have found a medieval kettle hat in New Mexico, which would have been obsolete for hundreds of years before it got there.

As for Castles, anyone who seriously believed that cannons made strong walls obsolete would be laughed out of any gunpowder-era military engineering course; hell, even as late as the World Wars, fixed fortifications were a very daunting task for artillery to try and crack and often required specialist super heavy guns or ultra high penetration air-dropped bombs to break. After the development of gunpowder artillery, contemporary militaries simply converted their castles into star forts or polygonal fortresses (where the walls are made sloped and are backed by a lot of sloped compressed dirt. Meanwhile, in China, average city walls were already several meters thick and filled with lots of compressed dirt and gravel compared to the famous walls of Constantinople (which were two to three meters thick at best and less stuffed). This meant that the Chinese had less incentive to refine their artillery for centuries (which came back to backfire on them when modern howitzers and specialized shells were used against them by the Europeans when they sent out colonial expeditions). Have you ever heard the term Forlorn Hope? It refers to the supremely unfortunate soldiers who get the job of being the first to rush into the breach of a fortress when after what is typically days, weeks, or even months of non-stop cannon fire they ''finally'' break open one of the walls. Which is rather obviously a suicide mission for the first wave. If it were easy to crack open fortresses with cannonades there would be no need for them.

What actually changed about Castles is that as countries became more centralized, control over military forts passed unto the Kingdom/Empire proper and out of the hands of local nobles, meaning that fortresses largely stopped also being houses for the resident Baron or Count of whatever. This had the benefit of ensuring that local nobles had a harder time rebelling because the fortresses were loyal to the Capital, rather than being their private property. It wasn't until well into the 20th century with the invention of the atomic fucking bomb that a line of fixed fortifications was no longer regarded as a serious obstacle to a truly determined attacker and that was only if the attacker was willing and able to drop one on the battlefield. With conventional munitions, even today with all our missiles and precision weapons, a fortified line is something that most attackers would rather bypass than breach. Of course, most defenders know this and essentially use fortifications to funnel attackers into battlefields of their choosing.

And what about industrial technology? Surely that has no place in my pre-modern setting or would be obsoleted by magic! That too was driven in large part by increased centralization. Artisanal production is relatively fine if you never need to send products very far away from where they're made and are only meeting relatively small amounts of local demand and the occasional distant but super wealthy patron. But as realms centralize and unify and economies grow interconnected, suddenly monks copying maybe a handful of books a year at a premium isn't enough to meet the needs for more literature. You need higher output, which leads to mass industrialization and standardization of production which requires growing mechanization of production to ensure that quality remains consistent. This drives the greater reliance on machines in producing things and these machines make it easier to make better machines until you can meet the demand or until you get to the point where you're starting to reach the limitations of your power source like wind, muscle, or waterpower. As medieval societies got bigger, you saw more windmills and watermills to get more power for all this work.

Fantasy settings, however, offer magic and alchemy which should realistically, unless there are heavy restrictions on the commonality of either, make for ideal power sources to make for even better machines until you end up in industrialism via such powers. Whether they do this on their own or are used to augment mundane technology is mostly irrelevant. And indeed, powerful mages and alchemists are likely to end up as the predominant class as they control access to these all important resources. So societies that don't want to rely on either would likely double down on trying to find alternatives to having to rely on them, much like how Merchants pushed for quite a lot of what we take for granted in modern society to wriggle out from the thumb of the Aristocracy, like moving centers of production into cities not owned by nobles so they didn't have to pay the local Baron and would have better access to labourers not tied to the land as they sought to maximize profit in their class interest.

Societies are products of the conditions in which they exist. Things are the way they are because of responses to needs and pressures or perceived needs and pressures. They are never really static because the wheel of history is constantly turning and even something as simple as fluctuations in population size can result in radical transformations. Did a big war just depopulate a country in a fantasy setting? Well, gee whiz, now the labourers in the country have a much greater position of power and influence due to the scarcity of their services, which can lead to undermining the entire basis of medieval feudalism and pave the way for late Feudalism or even early Capitalism. Or perhaps something else entirely if the setting conditions allow for it (probably not a regression to Classical era slavery though; that required huge surpluses of labour.)

==Why the Medieval Stasis of the Post-Roman Middle Ages Ended==

In our own world, there were several critical developments which dramatically altered the status quo and led to the disruption of Medieval Stasis. These were:

* '''Printing:''' The invention of printing resulted in an upswing of literacy and education across all but the lowest classes of society. Greater availability of religious texts immediately caused schisms in Christianity as its foundational texts were scrutinized, while broadsheets and pamphleteering became the first form of ostensibly independent "news" through which the masses could be swayed to one view or another. The church had been instrumental in raising people to subscribe to the status quo and its disruption left the system it was propping up vulnerable. Printing (and the refinements of the techniques for producing paper) also lead to a revolution in administration, as the rapid reproduction of records and similar documents simply made it easier to govern by decree, rather than giving a local noble you appointed some broad orders and hope he would stick to them.
* '''Casting & Gunpowder:''' These two technologies were linked at the hip. Gunpowder weaponry was powerful, but also expensive and complicated to make (cannons are generally cast, and once you can cast guns you can cast all kinds of new things). It made feudalism untenable; no longer could a lord have his smith hammer out some weapons and outfit some men at arms. Instead he paid taxes (bastard feudalism) so the king could buy guns made by...
* '''Craft Guilds (the Emergence of a Middle Class):''' The increasing complexity of creating of arms and desired goods drove the formation of labor organizations specifically focused on production; all kinds of production from guns to fabrics to ships and everything else. As these organizations gained wealth, they gained power and with it an awareness of their importance relative to the importance of their supposed betters; this awareness found its outlet in the growing public forum fueled by printing.
* '''Fractional Investment:''' With craft guilds and casting, economies were primed to begin growing rapidly, beyond the ability of the nobility to retain control or even complete awareness of what was going on. Into this the growing artisan classes (particularly in the Netherlands) threw in the concept of modern investment, allowing individuals of lower means to participate in larger endeavors at reasonable risk. Whether it was building polders or sending ships on trading missions or establishing businesses, this lit a fuse for explosive economic growth which ultimately made feudalism (and its tendency to maintain the status quo) economically obsolete.
* '''Colonialism:''' This also goes hand in hand with the emergence of the Middle Class. The discovery of the Americas single-handedly fixed the decades long economic recession Europe experienced by opening up the vast deposits of precious metals (so vast in fact, that some of the mines established by the Spanish in the 1500s are operating to this very day) sitting there to the European powers (mostly Spain). Expansionism and wars between ''Nations'' as opposed to ''Kings'' over economical and strategic dominance that seem more familiar to us also became the norm. Colonialism changed the face of the world in ways that would take up too much space to even broadly lay down on this page, so we'll just leave it at that.

While there were innumerable other factors, these were major destabilizing elements that individually might have been coped with, but in concert made change inevitable. In designing a medieval setting, care must be given to the degree of technology that is introduced. As a general rule anything which cannot be created by the labor of a single person (excluding buildings, anyway), is liable to begin a chain reaction of economic activity which transfers wealth (and thus, power) away from a landholding nobility to a middle, merchant class.

This is why Venice with its shipbuilders and traders was the birthplace of the Renaissance. Unlike all the rest of Europe, Venice never succumbed to medieval stasis from feudalism; instead it succumbed to naked plutocracy. The middle merchant class of wealthy citizens (citizen in the Roman/Byzantine sense) grew so powerful so fast from shipbuilding and trade that they engaged in centuries of backstabbing and petty power grabs. In feudalistic countries, you were rich ''because you were king'', and your line might reign for centuries. In Venice you were Doge (we swear, that's what they called the guy in charge) ''because you were rich'' and used your money to bribe/threaten/murder enough people to make you Doge; and odds were you'd be dead within a couple years to make someone else Doge. In a fit of irony, Venice, Ragusa and other merchant city-states eventually suffered a stagnation due to the closing of the Silk Road and the shift of trade lines from Mediterranean to Atlantic, this just goes to show how historical conditions can make or break a society.

==Notable Examples of Medieval Stasis==

*'''[[Lord of the Rings]]:''' Tolkien wasn't too fond of industrialization, having seen the First World War's highly industrialized warfare and the pollution-spewing effects of the Industrial and Transportation Revolutions on his native countryside up close and personal, so the heroes of his stories preferred Medieval Stasis as well, barring a few anachronisms like clocks and matches. Unlike most of the writers that he inspired, Tolkien had [[Fluff|five hundred pages of background]] explaining why, namely because Middle-earth was in a state of decline due to the ravages of Morgoth and Sauron, the gradual decline of the elves and the Dunedain after the downfall of Numenor, and much of their technology was given to them by the Valar rather than inventing it themselves, and is intended as a mythological history of the world that ultimately explains why humans are on top and everyone else is gone. The funny thing is, based on supplementary books and scrapped stories, Numenor came quite close to being a Steampunk world power, equipped with steamships and even rockets, which, in their decadent colonialist period, they promptly used to imperialize the shit out of much of the world in a manner that led to their ultimate downfall. Indeed, that's why Harad, Rhun, Khand and other humans hate Gondor so much. The Numenorian ancestors of Gondor's people were taking them for [[Chaos Dwarfs|industrial-level human sacrifices]] and doing other atrocities to them, so the descendants of their victims still hold genocidal hatred (abetted by Sauron playing all sides against each other). Also, it's worth mentioning that Tolkien designed his setting as a literal Earth backstory myth, so technically the age of industrialization and modernisation will start in Middle-Earth anyway.
* '''[[A Song of Ice and Fire]]:''' Westeros is ''extra'' static, because not only has everything been fairly stable for thousands of years until the Great Fuckening of the current time frame, some ''individual families'' have had unbroken rule over their lands for a hundred odd generations (The Starks being the prime example, as they have ruled in Winterfell for over ''eight thousand years'') which is something patently absurd when you consider how much real life royal, imperial, and noble families have had to struggle to avoid patrilineal extinction in just a few centuries, with the oldest still extant aristocratic house being the Japanese house of Yamato and even then it's likely that they bent the rules of succession at least once in their 2500 year history. That said, it should be noted that part of the backstory involves the Bronze Age First Men defeating the Stone Age Children of the Forest, who were themselves conquered by the Iron Age Andal invaders everywhere but in the Iron Islands and the North (who adapted and adopted the technology of their would-be conquerors), and the records of the ancient days are spotty at best, full of mythical accounts and many of the Maesters believe that said events happened over a shorter timeframe. Granted, the whole "millenia old houses" might be something that tended to happen with noble houses IRL claming to be much older than they actually were and could not being contradicted in the absence of reliable records, all the way to the Ethiopian "Solomonids" that still exist to this day, and the aforementioned Yamato being helped by the fact that Japan did not have reliable calendars until the late 19th century, so there's that. While the exact timespan between the Andal invasion and the current events isn't exactly established, the stasis is still quite bad especially when you consider how dragons (essentially domesticated flying animals) are present yet people are none wiser on things such as flight or the use of heat and steam in proto-industrial activities.
* '''[[Forgotten Realms]]:''' Not only have things been more-or-less exactly the same for all of recorded history, there is a powerful, international, theoretically-good-or-at-least-neutral organization actively devoted to making sure that ''no progress of any kind is ever made'': the [[Harpers]]. Whenever anyone invents something useful (guns, locomotion, steel plows, etc.) and tries to market it, the Harpers confiscate it and make it clear they'll kill the creator and their whole family if they don't go back to being a happy little peasant. Whenever a good-aligned king tries to unite and stabilize the warring states, the Harpers murder his ass (makes one wonder if the Harpers aren't part of the problem). Faerun hasn't budged an inch since Ao glued it together. And even [[Al-Qadim]], located on a southern continent beyond their reach, is a somewhat-hidebound and conservative society where progress is uncommon. The only exception to this was the island nation of [[Lantan]]. The island was a theocratic state in service to Gond Wonderbringer, a deity whose portfolio included innovation and technology, who gifted his followers with knowledge of smokepowder which lead to functional in-setting [[firearm|firearms]]. At least until 4th edition blew it up along with everything else fun or interesting in the Forgotten Realms. As of 5th edition, the current (albeit scattered and/or vague) lore seems to imply that Lantan's destruction has been retconned like the rest of the Spellplague.
* '''[[Greyhawk]]:''' Despite the impotent bitching on the page for this [[Old School Roleplaying|oldest-of-the-old school]] settings, it also has a society where nothing much ever has happened or will happen to bring about changes in the lifestyles of its inhabitants. And ''this'' is the setting with [[Murlynd| a literal god of Old West gunfighting]] and an army of [[firearm]]-toting [[gunslinger|paladins analogous to sheriffs]].
* '''[[Dragonlance]]:''' Apocalyptic calamities come and go, but Krynn stays at pretty much the same level of pseudo-medieval tech forever, world without end, amen. And, no the [[Gnomes|tinker gnomes]] do ''not'' count, since their stuff almost never does anything useful, gets mass-produced, or catches on outside the gnomes themselves. In fact, some material explicitly says that the reason for the stasis is '''because''' of the fucking gnomes; their absolute idiocy when it comes to producing technology has actually convinced pretty much every other culture on the planet that science is fundamentally inferior in every way to sorcery! The one culture that doesn't think they're entirely a waste of time is only interested because it pretty much hates magic... and is made of a bunch of knight-in-shining-armor types so hidebound that they haven't been able to properly fix their organization since the first Cataclysm, and so anything like vehicles or gunpowder is certain to get dismissed on grounds of being "dishonorable". So, yeah, '''fuck''' tinker gnomes.
* '''[[Warcraft]]:''' In a cartoony match for the Dragonlance example above, Azeroth's many factions never adopt one another's technological advancements. Goblins and gnomes can invent as many steampunk robots as they want, none of their stuff will ever change the world in a concrete way. Even the aliens are mostly just sword-and-sorcery types using magic for space travel and other advanced projects. That said, firearms had established themselves in the comparatively recent past.
*'''[[Ravenloft]]:''' This is probably the most interesting example. The Demiplane of Dread doesn't so much "advance" as it does "absorb some place where things are a little more complicated," and most of the Domains of Dread are already tailor-made just to torture their prisoners (and the Darklords can also choose to simply seal off all access to their Domains entirely when they're not just isolated by the Mists). Thus, though individual Domains might be advanced enough for common people to have firearms and gaslights or so primitive that they aren't even ''into'' the Stone Age (King Crocodile for the win!), they will almost never learn from or assimilate one another's technology even on the rare chance xenophobia doesn't get in the way first. Each Domain will be mostly frozen into the level it's at, medieval or not. Amusingly, this works both ways: technologically-advanced societies are no more likely to take up magic than lower-tech ones are to learn to use gunpowder. There's a notable exception in the Rokushima Táiyoo, which is listed as "Dark Age", but said to find the gunpowder weapons of Dementlieu "tantalizing;" this is a reference to the fact that that land is a pastiche of Sengoku Jidai Japan, and its Darklord of Western fanboy and gunpowder aficionado Oda Nobunaga.
*'''[[Star Wars]]:''' Not medieval, but absolutely in technological stasis in the Old Republic. In the 4000 years before the Battle of Yavin (the situation before and after this 4000 year period is discussed below) technological , the only thing that has noticeably improved is hyperdrives which have become faster and smaller. This would eventually be justified by a devastating war ~1100 years before the original film bringing about a dark age that killed several major technology companies and destroyed any FTL communication (sans courier) past the core worlds. This does ''not'' however apply to the period of 36 years covered by the films and the decades after it covered by the Expanded Universe (see below). There are some in-universe technological achievements that supposedly result in better results (the kolto made by an isolationist monopoly being replaced by the superior bacta made by multiple rival cartels, for instance, as the flesh-healing miracle drug), but none of them are really noticeable through the window the audience sees.
*'''[[Dune]]:''' One of the major inspirations for ''Star Wars'' (and [[Warhammer 40K]]). At some point in the past, AI went rogue and humanity's struggle against it became a literal holy war (the Butlerian Jihad), after it ended, development of any "thinking machines" was banned by religious fiat. As a result, technological and scientific development has slowed to a crawl, new technology is seen as suspicious, the "[[Drug|Spice]]" from Arrakis allows people to become human supercomputers, expanded lifetimes, and have space folding, so there was no desire to experiment and find alternatives, the development of personal shields made every other weapon outdated except for melee weapons (unless you shoot a [[lasgun]] into a shield, then the [[Exterminatus|shooter, the target, and the surrounding landscape are deleted in a massive explosion]]) and the Bene Gesserit and Navigator's Guild collaborated to set up a feudalistic government with full knowledge that it would be easier to control. However, the main plot of the series is eventually revealed to be about making humanity escape this stagnation.
*'''[[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]]:''' Bretonnia is literally in Medieval Stasis despite having one of the most technologically-advanced nations right next door. The Elves of all types give no fucks about advancing their technology, but in their defense what they have still works, they have access to giant monsters such as dragons and hydras and the Dark Elves are a minor exception. The Warriors of Chaos are again literally medieval, but in their case they're Medieval [[Vikings]] who get supplied with advanced tech by the Chaos Dwarf allies or demons. Orcs have not been introduced to the wonders of "Dakka" yet; the Lizardmen still use wood and stone, but are literally designed for specific taskes and make up for it by also using dinosaurs and the best magic in their world. Lastly, the Ogres are pretty much in "Stone Age Stasis" as they're not very intelligent but they've started to reverse engineer blackpower weapons and under Overtyrant Greasus started to discover the benefits of commerce. Human nations outside of Bretonnia are at the tail end of the Renaissaince, while the Empire of Man is in slowly fighting through the early Enlightenment but they are under constant attack from various Eldritch horrors so progress is existent but slow. The only races that have had any technological developments on a grand scale are the Skaven and Dwarfs, and more so the Chaos Dwarfs. The Dwarfs are reluctant to share their technology with anybody other than the Empire of Man and all their inventions must have several centuries of successful use before the guilds allow it to be mass-produced. While Skaven have guns, electricity and powered vehicles, most of the inventions of the Skaven end up blowing up in their faces and rely on the highly dangerous and unstable Warpstone (plus little regard for collateral damage). The Chaos Dwarfs' technology is run on daemon souls and bloody sacrifices, and they've reached the point of having tanks and demonic golems. You can see why others have not copied the latter two.
** The undead factions are an interesting case. The Vampire Counts vary with Luthor Harkon's pirate fleets using black powder weapons while outside that the most advanced technology seen in that faction was crossbows. The Tomb Kings had varying technology, with their most technologically advanced city, Lybaras, reaching the steampunk level. Also, they have superhuman abilities and being undead eliminates many of the needs that lead people to develop technology (no need to develop automation when undead laborers don't get tired or bored, no need for medicine because the dead don't get sick naturally plus their bodies can be repaired by magic and non-vampire undead don't need sustenance) and they also have magic and monsters.
** Not that any of this matters because the entire world got nuked by the Chaos Gods. The sequel setting, Age of Sigmar, has the successor factions be at roughly the same level as they were at the End Times, but stuff has become understood enough that Steam Tanks and Cannons won't randomly blow up as often and can be reliably mass produced, and it should be pointed out that Mass Production is itself a game changer. Stasis is more then raw technology: it is as much application. The Kharadron Overlords have surpassed steampunk via magic punk. The setting also has more-widely-available magic than the Old World did, significantly changing and improving the qualify of life of its inhabitants (in theory, in practice it's still pretty bad due to Chaos, [[Nagash]], Greenskin and giant rampages and the realms being pretty fucked up places even when those three aren't involved, even Azyr is under a heavy dictatorship to prevent chaos of both lowercase c and capital C varieties).
* '''[[Banestorm]]''': This one can be especially surprising, given the titular Banestorm makes the setting [[Isekai|Portal Fantasy]], so it's surprising that technology is still medieval. However, two issues present themselves: Most otherworlders are too familiar with modern society to function in the world of Yrth, and the powers that be specifically stop it.

==Notable Settings ''Without'' Medieval Stasis==

*'''[[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]]:''' The Empire, Dwarfs and Grand Cathay are actually about the level of most European countries around 1500, at the start of the early modern period and the Renaissance. They're also advancing, albeit slowly, as the Dwarfs have steampunk helicopters and recently invented airships. But the problem is that they are under constant Chaos invasions and Chaos Gods themselves are not above screwing with the world, which puts something of a crimp on pure research. Imagine what Nurgle would do to the guy who discovered penicillin in this world. The fact that relations between the engineers and the Cult of Sigmar are not the best in the world does not help things at all. The Dark Elves have progressed from bows to rapid-fire armor-piercing crossbows, including a one-handed variety, during their war against the High Elves. The other notable technology users are the Skaven, but the Skaven technology only affects their weapons (god help the world if they ever figure out sanitation considering what it did to our own population) and it's almost all magitech based on weaponizing [[Warpstone|solidified Chaos.]] Undead straddle the line between the two, with the vampires not being afraid to use technology; the problem is most of their undead minions lack the physical and mental acumen to use it while the vampires physical, mental and magical abilities make technology practically redundant to them at a personal level. The [[Tomb Kings]] had technology at the steampunk level, though this isn't represented in the game, but they are more concerned about rebuilding their realm, which has fallen into disrepair due to hundreds of years of civil war and no maintenance, rather than advancing their society. They do have golem-esque undead constructs, which are the undead magical equivalent of robots.
**''''[[Warhammer: Age of Sigmar]]:''' As noted above, the sequel setting shows clear technological development with mass production of the best of the stuff known in the World-That-Was, with the [[Kharadron Overlords]], the [[Cities of Sigmar]] subfaction Ironweld Arsenal and the Skaven Clans Skyre being the resident technological factions. The Lumineth are also a borderline case, as they've developed solar-powered golems, but knowing them magic might also be involved.
*'''[[Iron Kingdoms]]:''' The Iron Kingdoms setting is one of the best examples of steampunk fantasy. They're developed to the extent of the Victorian era (the mid-to-late 1800s), with a slow-but-growing industrial revolution and the discovery and development of electricity and chemistry, with the ongoing big international clusterfuck behind the wargame constantly fueling magical and technological advancement. At the same time, it remains a recognizably fantasy setting in many ways, with wizard orders, barbarian tribes, and dangerous monster threats on the frontier demanding plucky-adventurer solutions. (Or did before the wheels came off partway through Third Edition to make way for the science fiction spin-off nobody wanted. Still isn't medieval stasis though.)
*'''[[Eberron]]:''' Eberron is weird and expressly focused on subverting the usual D&D cliches, so the technology is a strange mixture of all eras with a side order of JRPG-style magitech. It's one of the few settings that avoids both medieval stasis and outright steampunk, since magic is so common that it has effectively displaced technology, but unlike most settings, this manifests as mass ''availability'' of magic conveniences. As there is no continuity and by default every game starts at exactly the same point in time as every other game, in 998 YK, [[Advancing the Storyline| there's no real status quo to worry about upsetting]]. Only modules/novels that are direct sequels ever reference the events of other modules/novels as having happened.
*'''[[Dark Sun]]:''' A weird example. Depending on edition, the past of Athas may have included anything from a standard fantasy setting to a bio-mechanical halfling empire. But, either way, the Brown Age is a barbaric decline of these past glories, with little metal and no feasible way of shaping more leaving the world in an oddly-civilized nigh-Stone Age. Still, there is an undercurrent of rebuilding and reforming throughout the more-heroic-minded books on the setting, helped by the same eventual anti-continuity Eberron had, so the idea that things ''could'' progress or get better isn't ''impossible''.
*'''[[Ironclaw]]:''' The once-fantasy world is undergoing a pseudo-Renaissance shift away from magic and feudalism to machinery and Italian-style guild-republics. PCs are actually explicitly part of the burgeoning new middle class. Not bad for a furry RPG, huh?
*'''[[Mystara]]:''' Depending on where you are, there might be airships, magic-powered technological conveniences, and drill-tanks to explore the hollow earth full of dinosaurs. Either way, things are a little less generic here in proto-Eberron.
*'''[[Pathfinder]]:''' [[Golarion]] features relatively advanced technologies such as flintlock and matchlock firearms, the printing press, galleons (crewed by pirates reminiscent of the Golden Age of piracy in the Caribbean), and, in certain sourcebooks, [[Spelljammer|steampunk/magi-tech spaceships]]. Not to mention the number of people whose clothes and equipment are explicitly based on 18th-century fashions (see, among others, Andoran, Taldor, and Alkenstar). At least one source (''05-13: Hellknight's Feast'') says high class dwellings have actual porcelain toilets. Also, there's that one random corner of the world where aliens are trying to peacefully settle and/or invade, only to realize they picked the *one* corner of the world where pleas of "We come in peace!" are met with [[Barbarian|warcries and the judicious application of battleaxes to various vital areas]]. One sourcebook (''Technology Guide'') includes *lots* of super-high-tech stuff and different class archetypes that make use of it. On the socio-political front, the Chelaxian breakaways Andoran and Galt have started to push for a less aristocratic government. Come second edition, cannons have become widespread on naval vessels.
**And '''[[Starfinder]]''' reveals that at least at some point various sci-fi technologies will be developed.
*'''[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]''': It was true in the past, but by the time of the original series the Fire Nation has become an industrial power, complete with colonial ambitions towards the rest of the world. In fact, the main character's previous incarnation as Avatar Roku actually ''stopped'' the Fire Nation from breaking medieval stasis ''because'' he foresaw that doing so would mean allowing them to subjugate all the other peoples. In fact Sozin, the Fire Lord during this industrial age and Roku's former friend, outright stated that's exactly what he planned to do, and hoped Roku would join him. And after Sozin got rid of Roku, the Fire Nation immediately went all Imperial Japan on the world, even inflicting genocide on the Air Nomads to stop the next Avatar, Aang, which forced Aang to flee. Which is perfectly sensible because even if they weren't the designated pacifist culture, Aang was literally 12 and had no way of meaningfully stopping them (''yet''). Even the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes have a few tinkerers and inventors, and during the time of Avatar Aang, the first airships and submarines are invented, albeit the magitek varieties. At the end of the show, the protagonist Avatar Aang makes peace between all three surviving factions and begins the reestablishment of the aforementioned genocided faction, and the sequel reveals that doing so helped the world advance to a roughly 20s/30s era of technology, complete with automobiles, moving pictures, the printing press, political propaganda videos, and croneyist democracy.
*'''[[Dragonmech]]''': Dragonmech's setting used to be in Medieval Stasis, then chunks of the moon started to rain down on them along with Alien Moon Dragons riding the rocks down for a full-on invasion, people first hide underground but then a dwarf kickstarts the creation of Pacific Rim sized steampunk robots to fight the Dragons and the whole world is now in a full-on steam-powered Industrial Revolution without the gunpowder.
*'''[[Star Wars]]:''' After the Celestials fell, the Rakata developed significantly and only failed as they lost their connection to the force. After the Rakata collapse, technology advances with some anachronisms due to FTL travel being discovered early on through Rakatan and other ruins and slave revolts against the Rakata. This continues until the period between the start of the New Sith Wars (2000 BBBY) to the Ruusan Reformation (1000 BBY) (where everyone was too busy killing each other, even more so than usual), and after that technology actually ''does'' advance noticeably throughout Post-Reformation Old Republic and especially the prequels (32 BBY onward) all the way to the era of the Legacy comics (138 ABY). Hyperdrives improve (in speed, how small a craft they can fit in and how big a craft they can propel) at a much faster rate than they did in the 1000 years since the end of the dark age. It's not just direct improvements either, with new technologies like [[Android]]s, relatively cheap cloaking devices that don't require unobtainum, silent and invisible blasters, biological technology merged with mechanical tech, and more. Even military strategy changes significantly between back and forth transitions between symmetrical and asymmetrical warfare. Amazingly all this occurs organically as new technology is introduced to allow a plot and gets improved upon in future installments.
*'''[[Masque of the Red Death|Gothic Earth]]''': Perhaps the ultimate aversion as Gothic Earth follows real world technological history of tech development ''almost'' exactly, even stating players can only obtain certain items after a certain point in time. Ordinarily this wouldn't be notable, as Gothic Earth is still Earth, but [[RPGA|Living Death]] included some technology that was explicitly anachronistic, such as submarines capable of cross Atlantic voyages and long term submerging, and a few people who have lived somewhat longer.
*'''[[Discworld]]''': Entire ''Discworld'' novels revolve around a particular innovation that drastically changes how the Disc's society works: ''Moving Pictures'' - the movie camera, ''Soul Music'' - Rock N' Roll ("music with rocks in it"), ''The Truth'' - moveable type (i.e. the printing press, and with it, journalism), ''Going Postal'' - mail modernization and the telegraph, ''Making Money'' - paper money and modernized banking, ''Raising Steam'' - the steam engine.
*'''[[Arcanum]]''': The world of Arcanum is in the midst of an industrial revolution with an in-universe acknowledged past of Medieval Statis. What makes it particularly noteworthy is how it portrays the ever faster changing world pushing old fantasy norms and customs away, with Technology replacing Magic entirely.
[[Category:History]]
[[Category:Gamer Slang]]

Medieval Stasis

2023-01-12T07:10:26Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* Fantasy authors are bad Medievalists and historians, part 2 */

{{Topquote|[[Eberron]] in 998 YK is based on the idea that ''civilization is evolving''.|Keith Baker, explaining why Eberron is not a normal campaign setting.}}
'''Medieval Stasis''' describes the state of essentially all fantasy worlds that never get to [[steampunk]], and a crucial component of the [[standard fantasy setting]].

As the title implies, most fantasy worlds are stuck at a technological level roughly equivalent to Europe between 1000 CE and 1500 CE, being more advanced in some fields and more primitive in others, until the universe collapses. A [[knight]]'s ancestors five thousand years ago fought against Orcs on the back of a great warhorse, wielding [[sword]] and lance, wearing plate and a greathelm, just as he does at present and how his descendants 25 generations down the line will. At best, some groups in the universe may be more advanced than others (some peoples might be building castles and forging plate armor while others live as primitive cave men armed with flint axes and stone tipped spears), but nobody will be developing new technology, or, on the off chance one or two factions are, it will never spread much or catch on anywhere else. This also applies to social structures such as feudalism, with a max of one non-Greco-Roman democracy per setting. It will be conquered and restored from edition to edition as fanboys war behind the scenes.

While it is not, in and of itself, a bad thing, as it creates a set mood and style of play, we run into the fact that many writers are hacks, and use it to both rip-off other writers (principally, Tolkien) and to [[Advancing the Storyline|keep the world stagnant enough that they don't risk smashing something people actually like that they didn't have the skill to ''realize'' they shouldn't smash, while still maintaining the illusion of forward momentum]]. The ''[[Forgotten Realms]]'' is a prime example of this, featuring both several powerful organizations out to stifle any attempt to progress the technological or socioeconomic advancement of the setting, and many lame-brained "advances" in story from edition to edition, most infamously with 4th edition's "Spellplague" and retconned twin planet where all the new 4e races were hiding.

A common thing among fantasy writers is treating firearms of any kind as a taboo. Many feel that featuring firearms would somehow ruin the medieval feeling despite the fact that firearms were used in the late medieval period (and in Warhammer.) Granted, [[neckbeards|many people's]] weapon history knowledge is such that they believe that having guns would immediately mean having AK-47s rather than merely having handcannons or matchlock muskets.

Note that in high-magic settings, sorcery sometimes gets so common and overpowered that it basically replaces technological progress. Why would you build robots or rockets if you can just create golems or cast Teleport Without Error?

Another issue with medieval stasis is that a lot of writers—most of them in fact—probably know less about the actual Middle Ages than the average Crusader Kings 2 player and thus present not only a world in medieval stasis but one that's in, at best, a theme-park version of the medieval period and quite often only really showing Anglo-French medievalism (and a bastardized shitfarmer version of it at that). The somewhat more historically literate might put in some anachronisms like references to ancient Greece, Egypt, and Rome, or to the Aztecs (usually a ramshackle mishmash of half remembered tidbits of the Mayans, Aztecs, and Inca thrown together with no real thought), and if you're extra lucky you might get something that's an extended reference to a (largely inaccurate) medieval Islamic polity or to the Holy Roman Empire, mixed in with the usual barbarian tribes, but that's usually about it. Like the Democracy thing mentioned above? It was nowhere near that simple in real life. A great many of the tribal societies we have records of were actually very democratic, where the King was elected and so were the chiefs below them and they absolutely did not have absolute authority over their subjects. And of course "feudalism" is simply a catch all label for a hugely varied and complicated array of societal organization systems that can be vaguely described as an aristocratic hierarchy based around land and military service and assorted ties of loyalty and bloodline.

And even in medieval Europe you had systems that broke the norm, like the merchant republics of Italy or the north German free cities, and of course you had lands directly ruled by the Church. Never mind that you also had rather different systems of organization elsewhere in the world, like in the Islamic world, India, the Americas, and of course, China's quite literal bureaucracy where civil servants hired based on their performance in examinations did most of the day-to-day governing of China; dynasties could come and go but the bureaucracy was eternal. Tolkien was himself, of course, a medievalist with very deep knowledge of the time period, even by today's standards, with our rather improved access to knowledge of the time period. Warhammer was created by history nerds who very much knew what they were writing about and so populated the world of Warhammer Fantasy with references to just about every political system that predominated in the medieval and renaissance periods as well as a lot of those that predominated in antiquity. So not only does Medieval Stasis perpetuate an annoying degree of sameness in the fantasy genre, it also tends to be based on a conception of medieval times that's not only essentially completely limited to France + England with some scattered references to other stuff, but is also almost completely wrong about everything and doesn't even scratch the surface of the depth of medieval history.
==Some general historical points==
One thing that should be known is that no one group of people has a monopoly on innovation. You have some stodgy conservative societies with "revere your ancestors and their wisdom" and "If It Ain't Broke Don't Fix It" mentalities which hinders improvements and those which value innovation and believe in progress for the sake of progress and various groups in between, but nobody has been so dedicated to stagnation that they would shun all attempts at improvement in perpetuity. Civilizations which don't keep up tend to be conquered by those that do. Actual resistance to the adoption of new technologies is typically not to the effect of people in authority demanding the inventors or the presenters of the new breakthrough be burned at the stakes for witchcraft; instead, generally, it would be more to the effect of seeing a new device and declaring it to be an interesting novelty, but be reticent to adopting it because doing so would be expensive and its benefits are still unclear, that there is not a particularly pressing need to improve that field right now, that it might be profitable in one sense but on the other hand it might destabilize the social order of things that has stood for centuries which can result in social unrest as people which profit from the current set up become redundant or that this beneficial machinery might come with complications that leave them in the pockets of foreign powers (buying spare parts for their machines or importing foreign fuel). Concerns which generally do have at least a kernel of truth to them (example: industrialization leading to the rise of a prominent bourgeoisie which eclipses the landed nobility), and the attitude that they often engender is to adopt changes gradually, "on their own terms". Other factors are general xenophobia and resistance to the ideas of Methodological Naturalism as opposed to Dogmatism, though even these are not absolute barriers.

Most improvements don't come in big breakthroughs made by some lone mastermind; a [[Stone Age|genius hunter/gatherer]] did not one day decide [[Bronze Age|"Lets start clearing out land, plowing it and sowing it with seeds and capturing animals to breed so we can have all the food we want"]]. That process took thousands of years, starting with little things such as weeding patches of wild food plants which were gradually added onto with other practices until you got farming as we'd understand it, with silos, farmhouses, fields, plows, pens of livestock, irrigation ditches, and so forth. Improvements can come about by people trying to be more thrifty, having to do with less of a previously common resource, more of a specific resource becoming available or by minor accidental variations. The idea that technology comes all at once from super special smart people ex nihilo instead of being born of conditions produced by years of decisions made by everyone from politicians down to the lowliest peasant is something born of a combination of fiction being kind of clumsy at showing things at a societal instead of an individual level and narratives which are basically hagiographic propaganda about how great some inventor was (while almost invariably not crediting all the people who helped them), with a bit of market campaigning meant to make you think that a slightly faster electric toothbrush is some massive revolution. If you look at society as a product of decisions made by the masses under conditions, rather than some smart guy having a great idea, questions of why some people didn't invent some things become much easier to answer. Even in the last two centuries where quick spread of knowledge meant one genius could share their idea quick, it was still common for more than one of them to have the same idea at the same time. It's why some science concepts are named after two people instead of one.

Certain technologies and conditions are conducive towards innovation. Let's look at the history of literacy, paper, printing, and the scientific method, for example. If your tribe can farm you have support some artisans who spend all their time weaving, making pots and tools, building boats, working wood, etc. These guys and gals know more about their field of expertise and work out ways of doing it more efficiently. Writing (developed to keep inventory records) means that ideas can be passed down from generation to generation more effectively. Mathematics (ditto) is a major boon to construction and later engineering. Movable type means that both are more readily available to the masses. The scientific mindset is also a valuable aid in this regard and is allowed to flourish because the greater spread of reading pushed by the movable type press and the adoption of paper makes it easier to become educated as well as record the results of experiments and share them with others. Before you had paper and printing presses, writing surfaces were expensive and all copying had to be done by hand. Afterwards, you could print newspapers, books of natural philosophy and manuals for the operation of machines.

What does this mean for the scientific method? Well in this era to have a great, world renown library meant having one thousand or so books and generally they were chained to the library to prevent people from stealing them because they were literally worth their weight in gold. Today a random middle class bookworm could easily have more than a thousand books given some time to collect them, and the really big libraries have literally tens of millions of paper documents. So the massive paper trail of the modern scientific method was simply not affordable, and the need for manual copying basically kneecaps peer review. Add to that that paper itself was introduced to Europeans during the 1300s when Marco Polo returned from China (something many medieval fantasy writers simply gloss over out of convenience). Part of the reason why so little metarial survived from the days of Rome and earlier is because their preferred material was Papyrus, which takes very badly to any kind of humidity. During the dark and middle ages, the material of choice in most parts of central and western Europe became parchment made from animal skins, which was extremely expensive and could therefore only be used to write and copy documents of utmost importance. But with cheap paper, a greater number of people able to afford it thanks to black death induced changes to Feudal Europe, and printing presses science as we now know it could really get into motion.

Refinements in existing technologies can be a prerequisite to the development of new technologies. As an example, the Romans knew the basic principle of how to make a steam engine and even how to put rotary power to work (having watermills for grinding grain and sawing wood) but they could not apply that technology because they lacked the ability to cast iron as they lacked proper blast furnaces, something you need to be good at doing to make one which is actually useful. The steam engines known to the Mediterranean world at the time were basically fancy toys for the idle rich. The Chinese had the technology to theoretically make steam engines, but the issue tended to be a lack of substantial need as well as [[China]]'s bad habit of periodically exploding into colossal gigadeath civil wars. The Song Dynasty might have sparked the need for such technologies as they were rapidly transitioning towards a highly commercialised economy and out of the bounds of feudalism and were starting to run into issues of demand outpacing the ability of work to meet, [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|but things didn't go too great for them.]]

Finally there is the matter of Diffusion, the spread of technology from one country or civilisation to another if they are in contact with each other. This can be done directly (kidnapping a blacksmith and telling him to train up some of your bronzesmiths to work iron and beat him if he does not comply) or indirectly (a trader from the next kingdom over comes into town with a donkey pulling a wheeled cart, a carpenter sees this, thinks it's a good idea and decides to try to make one himself). There is no point in reinventing the wheel from log rollers on up when you can just copy someone else's work. Moreover if the idea spreads there will be a hell of a lot of people working on it making wheels coming to useful improvements by accidents, making refinements and big breakthroughs which will in turn spread again. If you started in Portugal and went east through Spain, France, Italy, the Balkans, Greece, Turkey, The Fertile Crescent, Iran, Pakistan, India, Indochina and China, you'd come across a series of well developed civilizations that had existed for thousands of years and each one had dealings with their neighbors. Ideas that started in India or Rome or Greece flowed along that pathway to be taken and refined elsewhere.

tl;dr: Stop being lazy and go read Guns, Germs and Steel.

=== Fantasy authors are bad Medievalists and historians, part 2 ===

The vision of medieval times that exists in fantasy is a gigantic pile of anachronisms, pop-history, and misconceptions. Much of this is due to Fantasy's scope of time being seriously out of whack even without innovations like gunpowder or industrial technology. See, our monkey brains aren't very good at really comprehending spans of time longer than a handful of decades (hence why your childhood and youth memories always appear a lot more recent than they actually are, yes, 1990 really way 30 years ago). So we tend to mash up entire "eras" of history into indistinct blobs in our headspace, even though the entire concept of a historical era is more or less for academic convenience and categorization. Charlemagne's Empire was as far back in the past relative to Joan of Arc as she is to the present day. And technology and culture certainly did not remain static in those intervening seven hundred years. Paris went from a fairly small city of a few tens of thousands to a bustling metropolis of nearly a quarter of a million people, mail or banded armour was largely replaced by solid plated armour, gunpowder was popularised, sugar was introduced to the European diet, the Magyars went from eastern horseback-mounted pagan invaders to a solidly Catholic and Europeanised mainstay of central Europe as the Hungarians, and eastern Europe was Christianised in a rather gory and unpleasant process, to name just a few of the drastic changes over the years. Of course, any Crusader Kings 2 player could tell you how ridiculous the idea of the political map of a faux-medieval realm remaining static for centuries is.

Let's now take the common complaint among Fantasy authors that guns render castles and knights in shining armour obsolete. Full Plate armour coexisted with man-portable gunpowder weapons throughout literally the entirety of its military service and was phased out because of reasons of cost as armies got bigger, not because it was ineffective against guns. Making a fully articulated suit of plate armour fitted to every soldier is expensive and time consuming, so as armies got more standardized as countries centralized, with equipment being given by the military rather than soldiers being left to figure it out themselves, it was deemed easier to just give people the basics needed to protect their bodies. In that case, ditching the limb armor to reduce costs while keeping the helmet and breastplate like the Swiss Landsknecht and the Spanish Tercio. Hell: in Japan, the increasing prevalence of guns is what made the Samurai go from only partially metallic lamellar armour to full metal plated suits in the first place.

Furthermore, Plate armour by and large did not coexist with other types of metallic armour. It straight up replaced them all because it was just flatly better. Whether it's just a breastplate, a suit of half-plate (half referring to how much of the body is protected), or full plate, there was basically zero reason to wear anything else. Once the metal casting technology for plate armour became widespread, other forms of armour largely disappeared save for covering joint areas because plate armour is simply better in every way and is cheaper to make. Full coats of mail or scale didn't coexist with efficiently made plate armour; there's no need for a chain shirt when a solid steel breastplate offers superior protection for no downside, and full plate is actually considerably more comfortable and lighter than a full coat of mail. So that adventuring party where the Barbarian is wearing chainmail for mobility and the fighter is wearing full plate to tank better at the cost of agility? Simply didn't happen. You're mixing your dark ages and your late medieval/renaissance era armour styles. Mixing armor did, however, happen with conquistadors, and ''may'' have occurred with other small groups of fighting men. This was due purely to costs, not armor types having pros and cons, as used obsolete gear was far cheaper than armor anyone actually wanted. The equipment log for the 287 combatant Coronado expedition lists five suits of full plate (four belonging to Coronado himself), four suits of plate armor for horses (all Coronado's), 16 sets of partial plate, 56 pieces of sleeveless chain armor for the torso (two vests only), one suit of sleeved chain armor, and 250 gambesons. Archaeologists have found a medieval kettle hat in New Mexico, which would have been obsolete for hundreds of years before it got there.

As for Castles, anyone who seriously believed that cannons made strong walls obsolete would be laughed out of any gunpowder-era military engineering course; hell, even as late as the World Wars, fixed fortifications were a very daunting task for artillery to try and crack and often required specialist super heavy guns or ultra high penetration air-dropped bombs to break. After the development of gunpowder artillery, contemporary militaries simply converted their castles into star forts or polygonal fortresses (where the walls are made sloped and are backed by a lot of sloped compressed dirt. Meanwhile, in China, average city walls were already several meters thick and filled with lots of compressed dirt and gravel compared to the famous walls of Constantinople (which were two to three meters thick at best and less stuffed). This meant that the Chinese had less incentive to refine their artillery for centuries (which came back to backfire on them when modern howitzers and specialized shells were used against them by the Europeans when they sent out colonial expeditions). Have you ever heard the term Forlorn Hope? It refers to the supremely unfortunate soldiers who get the job of being the first to rush into the breach of a fortress when after what is typically days, weeks, or even months of non-stop cannon fire they ''finally'' break open one of the walls. Which is rather obviously a suicide mission for the first wave. If it were easy to crack open fortresses with cannonades there would be no need for them.

What actually changed about Castles is that as countries became more centralized, control over military forts passed unto the Kingdom/Empire proper and out of the hands of local nobles, meaning that fortresses largely stopped also being houses for the resident Baron or Count of whatever. This had the benefit of ensuring that local nobles had a harder time rebelling because the fortresses were loyal to the Capital, rather than being their private property. It wasn't until well into the 20th century with the invention of the atomic fucking bomb that a line of fixed fortifications was no longer regarded as a serious obstacle to a truly determined attacker and that was only if the attacker was willing and able to drop one on the battlefield. With conventional munitions, even today with all our missiles and precision weapons, a fortified line is something that most attackers would rather bypass than breach. Of course, most defenders know this and essentially use fortifications to funnel attackers into battlefields of their choosing.

And what about industrial technology? Surely that has no place in my pre-modern setting or would be obsoleted by magic! That too was driven in large part by increased centralization. Artisanal production is relatively fine if you never need to send products very far away from where they're made and are only meeting relatively small amounts of local demand and the occasional distant but super wealthy patron. But as realms centralize and unify and economies grow interconnected, suddenly monks copying maybe a handful of books a year at a premium isn't enough to meet the needs for more literature. You need higher output, which leads to mass industrialization and standardization of production which requires growing mechanization of production to ensure that quality remains consistent. This drives the greater reliance on machines in producing things and these machines make it easier to make better machines until you can meet the demand or until you get to the point where you're starting to reach the limitations of your power source like wind, muscle, or waterpower. As medieval societies got bigger, you saw more windmills and watermills to get more power for all this work.

Fantasy settings, however, offer magic and alchemy which should realistically, unless there are heavy restrictions on the commonality of either, make for ideal power sources to make for even better machines until you end up in industrialism via such powers. Whether they do this on their own or are used to augment mundane technology is mostly irrelevant. And indeed, powerful mages and alchemists are likely to end up as the predominant class as they control access to these all important resources. So societies that don't want to rely on either would likely double down on trying to find alternatives to having to rely on them, much like how Merchants pushed for quite a lot of what we take for granted in modern society to wriggle out from the thumb of the Aristocracy, like moving centers of production into cities not owned by nobles so they didn't have to pay the local Baron and would have better access to labourers not tied to the land as they sought to maximize profit in their class interest.

Societies are products of the conditions in which they exist. Things are the way they are because of responses to needs and pressures or perceived needs and pressures. They are never really static because the wheel of history is constantly turning and even something as simple as fluctuations in population size can result in radical transformations. Did a big war just depopulate a country in a fantasy setting? Well, gee whiz, now the labourers in the country have a much greater position of power and influence due to the scarcity of their services, which can lead to undermining the entire basis of medieval feudalism and pave the way for late Feudalism or even early Capitalism. Or perhaps something else entirely if the setting conditions allow for it (probably not a regression to Classical era slavery though; that required huge surpluses of labour.)

==Why the Medieval Stasis of the Post-Roman Middle Ages Ended==

In our own world, there were several critical developments which dramatically altered the status quo and led to the disruption of Medieval Stasis. These were:

* '''Printing:''' The invention of printing resulted in an upswing of literacy and education across all but the lowest classes of society. Greater availability of religious texts immediately caused schisms in Christianity as its foundational texts were scrutinized, while broadsheets and pamphleteering became the first form of ostensibly independent "news" through which the masses could be swayed to one view or another. The church had been instrumental in raising people to subscribe to the status quo and its disruption left the system it was propping up vulnerable. Printing (and the refinements of the techniques for producing paper) also lead to a revolution in administration, as the rapid reproduction of records and similar documents simply made it easier to govern by decree, rather than giving a local noble you appointed some broad orders and hope he would stick to them.
* '''Casting & Gunpowder:''' These two technologies were linked at the hip. Gunpowder weaponry was powerful, but also expensive and complicated to make (cannons are generally cast, and once you can cast guns you can cast all kinds of new things). It made feudalism untenable; no longer could a lord have his smith hammer out some weapons and outfit some men at arms. Instead he paid taxes (bastard feudalism) so the king could buy guns made by...
* '''Craft Guilds (the Emergence of a Middle Class):''' The increasing complexity of creating of arms and desired goods drove the formation of labor organizations specifically focused on production; all kinds of production from guns to fabrics to ships and everything else. As these organizations gained wealth, they gained power and with it an awareness of their importance relative to the importance of their supposed betters; this awareness found its outlet in the growing public forum fueled by printing.
* '''Fractional Investment:''' With craft guilds and casting, economies were primed to begin growing rapidly, beyond the ability of the nobility to retain control or even complete awareness of what was going on. Into this the growing artisan classes (particularly in the Netherlands) threw in the concept of modern investment, allowing individuals of lower means to participate in larger endeavors at reasonable risk. Whether it was building polders or sending ships on trading missions or establishing businesses, this lit a fuse for explosive economic growth which ultimately made feudalism (and its tendency to maintain the status quo) economically obsolete.
* '''Colonialism:''' This also goes hand in hand with the emergence of the Middle Class. The discovery of the Americas single-handedly fixed the decades long economic recession Europe experienced by opening up the vast deposits of precious metals (so vast in fact, that some of the mines established by the Spanish in the 1500s are operating to this very day) sitting there to the European powers (mostly Spain). Expansionism and wars between ''Nations'' as opposed to ''Kings'' over economical and strategic dominance that seem more familiar to us also became the norm. Colonialism changed the face of the world in ways that would take up too much space to even broadly lay down on this page, so we'll just leave it at that.

While there were innumerable other factors, these were major destabilizing elements that individually might have been coped with, but in concert made change inevitable. In designing a medieval setting, care must be given to the degree of technology that is introduced. As a general rule anything which cannot be created by the labor of a single person (excluding buildings, anyway), is liable to begin a chain reaction of economic activity which transfers wealth (and thus, power) away from a landholding nobility to a middle, merchant class.

This is why Venice with its shipbuilders and traders was the birthplace of the Renaissance. Unlike all the rest of Europe, Venice never succumbed to medieval stasis from feudalism; instead it succumbed to naked plutocracy. The middle merchant class of wealthy citizens (citizen in the Roman/Byzantine sense) grew so powerful so fast from shipbuilding and trade that they engaged in centuries of backstabbing and petty power grabs. In feudalistic countries, you were rich ''because you were king'', and your line might reign for centuries. In Venice you were Doge (we swear, that's what they called the guy in charge) ''because you were rich'' and used your money to bribe/threaten/murder enough people to make you Doge; and odds were you'd be dead within a couple years to make someone else Doge. In a fit of irony, Venice, Ragusa and other merchant city-states eventually suffered a stagnation due to the closing of the Silk Road and the shift of trade lines from Mediterranean to Atlantic, this just goes to show how historical conditions can make or break a society.

==Notable Examples of Medieval Stasis==

*'''[[Lord of the Rings]]:''' Tolkien wasn't too fond of industrialization, having seen the First World War's highly industrialized warfare and the pollution-spewing effects of the Industrial and Transportation Revolutions on his native countryside up close and personal, so the heroes of his stories preferred Medieval Stasis as well, barring a few anachronisms like clocks and matches. Unlike most of the writers that he inspired, Tolkien had [[Fluff|five hundred pages of background]] explaining why, namely because Middle-earth was in a state of decline due to the ravages of Morgoth and Sauron, the gradual decline of the elves and the Dunedain after the downfall of Numenor, and much of their technology was given to them by the Valar rather than inventing it themselves, and is intended as a mythological history of the world that ultimately explains why humans are on top and everyone else is gone. The funny thing is, based on supplementary books and scrapped stories, Numenor came quite close to being a Steampunk world power, equipped with steamships and even rockets, which, in their decadent colonialist period, they promptly used to imperialize the shit out of much of the world in a manner that led to their ultimate downfall. Indeed, that's why Harad, Rhun, Khand and other humans hate Gondor so much. The Numenorian ancestors of Gondor's people were taking them for [[Chaos Dwarfs|industrial-level human sacrifices]] and doing other atrocities to them, so the descendants of their victims still hold genocidal hatred (abetted by Sauron playing all sides against each other). Also, it's worth mentioning that Tolkien designed his setting as a literal Earth backstory myth, so technically the age of industrialization and modernisation will start in Middle-Earth anyway.
* '''[[A Song of Ice and Fire]]:''' Westeros is ''extra'' static, because not only has everything been fairly stable for thousands of years until the Great Fuckening of the current time frame, some ''individual families'' have had unbroken rule over their lands for a hundred odd generations (The Starks being the prime example, as they have ruled in Winterfell for over ''eight thousand years'') which is something patently absurd when you consider how much real life royal, imperial, and noble families have had to struggle to avoid patrilineal extinction in just a few centuries, with the oldest still extant aristocratic house being the Japanese house of Yamato and even then it's likely that they bent the rules of succession at least once in their 2500 year history. That said, it should be noted that part of the backstory involves the Bronze Age First Men defeating the Stone Age Children of the Forest, who were themselves conquered by the Iron Age Andal invaders everywhere but in the Iron Islands and the North (who adapted and adopted the technology of their would-be conquerors), and the records of the ancient days are spotty at best, full of mythical accounts and many of the Maesters believe that said events happened over a shorter timeframe. Granted, the whole "millenia old houses" might be something that tended to happen with noble houses IRL claming to be much older than they actually were and could not being contradicted in the absence of reliable records, all the way to the Ethiopian "Solomonids" that still exist to this day, and the aforementioned Yamato being helped by the fact that Japan did not have reliable calendars until the late 19th century, so there's that. While the exact timespan between the Andal invasion and the current events isn't exactly established, the stasis is still quite bad especially when you consider how dragons (essentially domesticated flying animals) are present yet people are none wiser on things such as flight or the use of heat and steam in proto-industrial activities.
* '''[[Forgotten Realms]]:''' Not only have things been more-or-less exactly the same for all of recorded history, there is a powerful, international, theoretically-good-or-at-least-neutral organization actively devoted to making sure that ''no progress of any kind is ever made'': the [[Harpers]]. Whenever anyone invents something useful (guns, locomotion, steel plows, etc.) and tries to market it, the Harpers confiscate it and make it clear they'll kill the creator and their whole family if they don't go back to being a happy little peasant. Whenever a good-aligned king tries to unite and stabilize the warring states, the Harpers murder his ass (makes one wonder if the Harpers aren't part of the problem). Faerun hasn't budged an inch since Ao glued it together. And even [[Al-Qadim]], located on a southern continent beyond their reach, is a somewhat-hidebound and conservative society where progress is uncommon. The only exception to this was the island nation of [[Lantan]]. The island was a theocratic state in service to Gond Wonderbringer, a deity whose portfolio included innovation and technology, who gifted his followers with knowledge of smokepowder which lead to functional in-setting [[firearm|firearms]]. At least until 4th edition blew it up along with everything else fun or interesting in the Forgotten Realms. As of 5th edition, the current (albeit scattered and/or vague) lore seems to imply that Lantan's destruction has been retconned like the rest of the Spellplague.
* '''[[Greyhawk]]:''' Despite the impotent bitching on the page for this [[Old School Roleplaying|oldest-of-the-old school]] settings, it also has a society where nothing much ever has happened or will happen to bring about changes in the lifestyles of its inhabitants. And ''this'' is the setting with [[Murlynd| a literal god of Old West gunfighting]] and an army of [[firearm]]-toting [[gunslinger|paladins analogous to sheriffs]].
* '''[[Dragonlance]]:''' Apocalyptic calamities come and go, but Krynn stays at pretty much the same level of pseudo-medieval tech forever, world without end, amen. And, no the [[Gnomes|tinker gnomes]] do ''not'' count, since their stuff almost never does anything useful, gets mass-produced, or catches on outside the gnomes themselves. In fact, some material explicitly says that the reason for the stasis is '''because''' of the fucking gnomes; their absolute idiocy when it comes to producing technology has actually convinced pretty much every other culture on the planet that science is fundamentally inferior in every way to sorcery! The one culture that doesn't think they're entirely a waste of time is only interested because it pretty much hates magic... and is made of a bunch of knight-in-shining-armor types so hidebound that they haven't been able to properly fix their organization since the first Cataclysm, and so anything like vehicles or gunpowder is certain to get dismissed on grounds of being "dishonorable". So, yeah, '''fuck''' tinker gnomes.
* '''[[Warcraft]]:''' In a cartoony match for the Dragonlance example above, Azeroth's many factions never adopt one another's technological advancements. Goblins and gnomes can invent as many steampunk robots as they want, none of their stuff will ever change the world in a concrete way. Even the aliens are mostly just sword-and-sorcery types using magic for space travel and other advanced projects. That said, firearms had established themselves in the comparatively recent past.
*'''[[Ravenloft]]:''' This is probably the most interesting example. The Demiplane of Dread doesn't so much "advance" as it does "absorb some place where things are a little more complicated," and most of the Domains of Dread are already tailor-made just to torture their prisoners (and the Darklords can also choose to simply seal off all access to their Domains entirely when they're not just isolated by the Mists). Thus, though individual Domains might be advanced enough for common people to have firearms and gaslights or so primitive that they aren't even ''into'' the Stone Age (King Crocodile for the win!), they will almost never learn from or assimilate one another's technology even on the rare chance xenophobia doesn't get in the way first. Each Domain will be mostly frozen into the level it's at, medieval or not. Amusingly, this works both ways: technologically-advanced societies are no more likely to take up magic than lower-tech ones are to learn to use gunpowder. There's a notable exception in the Rokushima Táiyoo, which is listed as "Dark Age", but said to find the gunpowder weapons of Dementlieu "tantalizing;" this is a reference to the fact that that land is a pastiche of Sengoku Jidai Japan, and its Darklord of Western fanboy and gunpowder aficionado Oda Nobunaga.
*'''[[Star Wars]]:''' Not medieval, but absolutely in technological stasis in the Old Republic. In the 4000 years before the Battle of Yavin (the situation before and after this 4000 year period is discussed below) technological , the only thing that has noticeably improved is hyperdrives which have become faster and smaller. This would eventually be justified by a devastating war ~1100 years before the original film bringing about a dark age that killed several major technology companies and destroyed any FTL communication (sans courier) past the core worlds. This does ''not'' however apply to the period of 36 years covered by the films and the decades after it covered by the Expanded Universe (see below). There are some in-universe technological achievements that supposedly result in better results (the kolto made by an isolationist monopoly being replaced by the superior bacta made by multiple rival cartels, for instance, as the flesh-healing miracle drug), but none of them are really noticeable through the window the audience sees.
*'''[[Dune]]:''' One of the major inspirations for ''Star Wars'' (and [[Warhammer 40K]]). At some point in the past, AI went rogue and humanity's struggle against it became a literal holy war (the Butlerian Jihad), after it ended, development of any "thinking machines" was banned by religious fiat. As a result, technological and scientific development has slowed to a crawl, new technology is seen as suspicious, the "[[Drug|Spice]]" from Arrakis allows people to become human supercomputers, expanded lifetimes, and have space folding, so there was no desire to experiment and find alternatives, the development of personal shields made every other weapon outdated except for melee weapons (unless you shoot a [[lasgun]] into a shield, then the [[Exterminatus|shooter, the target, and the surrounding landscape are deleted in a massive explosion]]) and the Bene Gesserit and Navigator's Guild collaborated to set up a feudalistic government with full knowledge that it would be easier to control. However, the main plot of the series is eventually revealed to be about making humanity escape this stagnation.
*'''[[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]]:''' Bretonnia is literally in Medieval Stasis despite having one of the most technologically-advanced nations right next door. The Elves of all types give no fucks about advancing their technology, but in their defense what they have still works, they have access to giant monsters such as dragons and hydras and the Dark Elves are a minor exception. The Warriors of Chaos are again literally medieval, but in their case they're Medieval [[Vikings]] who get supplied with advanced tech by the Chaos Dwarf allies or demons. Orcs have not been introduced to the wonders of "Dakka" yet; the Lizardmen still use wood and stone, but are literally designed for specific taskes and make up for it by also using dinosaurs and the best magic in their world. Lastly, the Ogres are pretty much in "Stone Age Stasis" as they're not very intelligent but they've started to reverse engineer blackpower weapons and under Overtyrant Greasus started to discover the benefits of commerce. Human nations outside of Bretonnia are at the tail end of the Renaissaince, while the Empire of Man is in slowly fighting through the early Enlightenment but they are under constant attack from various Eldritch horrors so progress is existent but slow. The only races that have had any technological developments on a grand scale are the Skaven and Dwarfs, and more so the Chaos Dwarfs. The Dwarfs are reluctant to share their technology with anybody other than the Empire of Man and all their inventions must have several centuries of successful use before the guilds allow it to be mass-produced. While Skaven have guns, electricity and powered vehicles, most of the inventions of the Skaven end up blowing up in their faces and rely on the highly dangerous and unstable Warpstone (plus little regard for collateral damage). The Chaos Dwarfs' technology is run on daemon souls and bloody sacrifices, and they've reached the point of having tanks and demonic golems. You can see why others have not copied the latter two.
** The undead factions are an interesting case. The Vampire Counts vary with Luthor Harkon's pirate fleets using black powder weapons while outside that the most advanced technology seen in that faction was crossbows. The Tomb Kings had varying technology, with their most technologically advanced city, Lybaras, reaching the steampunk level. Also, they have superhuman abilities and being undead eliminates many of the needs that lead people to develop technology (no need to develop automation when undead laborers don't get tired or bored, no need for medicine because the dead don't get sick naturally plus their bodies can be repaired by magic and non-vampire undead don't need sustenance) and they also have magic and monsters.
** Not that any of this matters because the entire world got nuked by the Chaos Gods. The sequel setting, Age of Sigmar, has the successor factions be at roughly the same level as they were at the End Times, but stuff has become understood enough that Steam Tanks and Cannons won't randomly blow up as often and can be reliably mass produced, and it should be pointed out that Mass Production is itself a game changer. Stasis is more then raw technology: it is as much application. The Kharadron Overlords have surpassed steampunk via magic punk. The setting also has more-widely-available magic than the Old World did, significantly changing and improving the qualify of life of its inhabitants (in theory, in practice it's still pretty bad due to Chaos, [[Nagash]], Greenskin and giant rampages and the realms being pretty fucked up places even when those three aren't involved, even Azyr is under a heavy dictatorship to prevent chaos of both lowercase c and capital C varieties).
* '''[[Banestorm]]''': This one can be especially surprising, given the titular Banestorm makes the setting [[Isekai|Portal Fantasy]], so it's surprising that technology is still medieval. However, two issues present themselves: Most otherworlders are too familiar with modern society to function in the world of Yrth, and the powers that be specifically stop it.

==Notable Settings ''Without'' Medieval Stasis==

*'''[[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]]:''' The Empire, Dwarfs and Grand Cathay are actually about the level of most European countries around 1500, at the start of the early modern period and the Renaissance. They're also advancing, albeit slowly, as the Dwarfs have steampunk helicopters and recently invented airships. But the problem is that they are under constant Chaos invasions and Chaos Gods themselves are not above screwing with the world, which puts something of a crimp on pure research. Imagine what Nurgle would do to the guy who discovered penicillin in this world. The fact that relations between the engineers and the Cult of Sigmar are not the best in the world does not help things at all. The Dark Elves have progressed from bows to rapid-fire armor-piercing crossbows, including a one-handed variety, during their war against the High Elves. The other notable technology users are the Skaven, but the Skaven technology only affects their weapons (god help the world if they ever figure out sanitation considering what it did to our own population) and it's almost all magitech based on weaponizing [[Warpstone|solidified Chaos.]] Undead straddle the line between the two, with the vampires not being afraid to use technology; the problem is most of their undead minions lack the physical and mental acumen to use it while the vampires physical, mental and magical abilities make technology practically redundant to them at a personal level. The [[Tomb Kings]] had technology at the steampunk level, though this isn't represented in the game, but they are more concerned about rebuilding their realm, which has fallen into disrepair due to hundreds of years of civil war and no maintenance, rather than advancing their society. They do have golem-esque undead constructs, which are the undead magical equivalent of robots.
**''''[[Warhammer: Age of Sigmar]]:''' As noted above, the sequel setting shows clear technological development with mass production of the best of the stuff known in the World-That-Was, with the [[Kharadron Overlords]], the [[Cities of Sigmar]] subfaction Ironweld Arsenal and the Skaven Clans Skyre being the resident technological factions. The Lumineth are also a borderline case, as they've developed solar-powered golems, but knowing them magic might also be involved.
*'''[[Iron Kingdoms]]:''' The Iron Kingdoms setting is one of the best examples of steampunk fantasy. They're developed to the extent of the Victorian era (the mid-to-late 1800s), with a slow-but-growing industrial revolution and the discovery and development of electricity and chemistry, with the ongoing big international clusterfuck behind the wargame constantly fueling magical and technological advancement. At the same time, it remains a recognizably fantasy setting in many ways, with wizard orders, barbarian tribes, and dangerous monster threats on the frontier demanding plucky-adventurer solutions. (Or did before the wheels came off partway through Third Edition to make way for the science fiction spin-off nobody wanted. Still isn't medieval stasis though.)
*'''[[Eberron]]:''' Eberron is weird and expressly focused on subverting the usual D&D cliches, so the technology is a strange mixture of all eras with a side order of JRPG-style magitech. It's one of the few settings that avoids both medieval stasis and outright steampunk, since magic is so common that it has effectively displaced technology, but unlike most settings, this manifests as mass ''availability'' of magic conveniences. As there is no continuity and by default every game starts at exactly the same point in time as every other game, in 998 YK, [[Advancing the Storyline| there's no real status quo to worry about upsetting]]. Only modules/novels that are direct sequels ever reference the events of other modules/novels as having happened.
*'''[[Dark Sun]]:''' A weird example. Depending on edition, the past of Athas may have included anything from a standard fantasy setting to a bio-mechanical halfling empire. But, either way, the Brown Age is a barbaric decline of these past glories, with little metal and no feasible way of shaping more leaving the world in an oddly-civilized nigh-Stone Age. Still, there is an undercurrent of rebuilding and reforming throughout the more-heroic-minded books on the setting, helped by the same eventual anti-continuity Eberron had, so the idea that things ''could'' progress or get better isn't ''impossible''.
*'''[[Ironclaw]]:''' The once-fantasy world is undergoing a pseudo-Renaissance shift away from magic and feudalism to machinery and Italian-style guild-republics. PCs are actually explicitly part of the burgeoning new middle class. Not bad for a furry RPG, huh?
*'''[[Mystara]]:''' Depending on where you are, there might be airships, magic-powered technological conveniences, and drill-tanks to explore the hollow earth full of dinosaurs. Either way, things are a little less generic here in proto-Eberron.
*'''[[Pathfinder]]:''' [[Golarion]] features relatively advanced technologies such as flintlock and matchlock firearms, the printing press, galleons (crewed by pirates reminiscent of the Golden Age of piracy in the Caribbean), and, in certain sourcebooks, [[Spelljammer|steampunk/magi-tech spaceships]]. Not to mention the number of people whose clothes and equipment are explicitly based on 18th-century fashions (see, among others, Andoran, Taldor, and Alkenstar). At least one source (''05-13: Hellknight's Feast'') says high class dwellings have actual porcelain toilets. Also, there's that one random corner of the world where aliens are trying to peacefully settle and/or invade, only to realize they picked the *one* corner of the world where pleas of "We come in peace!" are met with [[Barbarian|warcries and the judicious application of battleaxes to various vital areas]]. One sourcebook (''Technology Guide'') includes *lots* of super-high-tech stuff and different class archetypes that make use of it. On the socio-political front, the Chelaxian breakaways Andoran and Galt have started to push for a less aristocratic government. Come second edition, cannons have become widespread on naval vessels.
**And '''[[Starfinder]]''' reveals that at least at some point various sci-fi technologies will be developed.
*'''[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]''': It was true in the past, but by the time of the original series the Fire Nation has become an industrial power, complete with colonial ambitions towards the rest of the world. In fact, the main character's previous incarnation as Avatar Roku actually ''stopped'' the Fire Nation from breaking medieval stasis ''because'' he foresaw that doing so would mean allowing them to subjugate all the other peoples. In fact Sozin, the Fire Lord during this industrial age and Roku's former friend, outright stated that's exactly what he planned to do, and hoped Roku would join him. And after Sozin got rid of Roku, the Fire Nation immediately went all Imperial Japan on the world, even inflicting genocide on the Air Nomads to stop the next Avatar, Aang, which forced Aang to flee. Which is perfectly sensible because even if they weren't the designated pacifist culture, Aang was literally 12 and had no way of meaningfully stopping them (''yet''). Even the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes have a few tinkerers and inventors, and during the time of Avatar Aang, the first airships and submarines are invented, albeit the magitek varieties. At the end of the show, the protagonist Avatar Aang makes peace between all three surviving factions and begins the reestablishment of the aforementioned genocided faction, and the sequel reveals that doing so helped the world advance to a roughly 20s/30s era of technology, complete with automobiles, moving pictures, the printing press, political propaganda videos, and croneyist democracy.
*'''[[Dragonmech]]''': Dragonmech's setting used to be in Medieval Stasis, then chunks of the moon started to rain down on them along with Alien Moon Dragons riding the rocks down for a full-on invasion, people first hide underground but then a dwarf kickstarts the creation of Pacific Rim sized steampunk robots to fight the Dragons and the whole world is now in a full-on steam-powered Industrial Revolution without the gunpowder.
*'''[[Star Wars]]:''' After the Celestials fell, the Rakata developed significantly and only failed as they lost their connection to the force. After the Rakata collapse, technology advances with some anachronisms due to FTL travel being discovered early on through Rakatan and other ruins and slave revolts against the Rakata. This continues until the period between the start of the New Sith Wars (2000 BBBY) to the Ruusan Reformation (1000 BBY) (where everyone was too busy killing each other, even more so than usual), and after that technology actually ''does'' advance noticeably throughout Post-Reformation Old Republic and especially the prequels (32 BBY onward) all the way to the era of the Legacy comics (138 ABY). Hyperdrives improve (in speed, how small a craft they can fit in and how big a craft they can propel) at a much faster rate than they did in the 1000 years since the end of the dark age. It's not just direct improvements either, with new technologies like [[Android]]s, relatively cheap cloaking devices that don't require unobtainum, silent and invisible blasters, biological technology merged with mechanical tech, and more. Even military strategy changes significantly between back and forth transitions between symmetrical and asymmetrical warfare. Amazingly all this occurs organically as new technology is introduced to allow a plot and gets improved upon in future installments.
*'''[[Masque of the Red Death|Gothic Earth]]''': Perhaps the ultimate aversion as Gothic Earth follows real world technological history of tech development ''almost'' exactly, even stating players can only obtain certain items after a certain point in time. Ordinarily this wouldn't be notable, as Gothic Earth is still Earth, but [[RPGA|Living Death]] included some technology that was explicitly anachronistic, such as submarines capable of cross Atlantic voyages and long term submerging, and a few people who have lived somewhat longer.
*'''[[Discworld]]''': Entire ''Discworld'' novels revolve around a particular innovation that drastically changes how the Disc's society works: ''Moving Pictures'' - the movie camera, ''Soul Music'' - Rock N' Roll ("music with rocks in it"), ''The Truth'' - moveable type (i.e. the printing press, and with it, journalism), ''Going Postal'' - mail modernization and the telegraph, ''Making Money'' - paper money and modernized banking, ''Raising Steam'' - the steam engine.
*'''[[Arcanum]]''': The world of Arcanum is in the midst of an industrial revolution with an in-universe acknowledged past of Medieval Statis. What makes it particularly noteworthy is how it portrays the ever faster changing world pushing old fantasy norms and customs away, with Technology replacing Magic entirely.
[[Category:History]]
[[Category:Gamer Slang]]

Medieval Stasis

2023-01-12T06:49:46Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* Why the Medieval Stasis of the Post-Roman Middle Ages Ended */

{{Topquote|[[Eberron]] in 998 YK is based on the idea that ''civilization is evolving''.|Keith Baker, explaining why Eberron is not a normal campaign setting.}}
'''Medieval Stasis''' describes the state of essentially all fantasy worlds that never get to [[steampunk]], and a crucial component of the [[standard fantasy setting]].

As the title implies, most fantasy worlds are stuck at a technological level roughly equivalent to Europe between 1000 CE and 1500 CE, being more advanced in some fields and more primitive in others, until the universe collapses. A [[knight]]'s ancestors five thousand years ago fought against Orcs on the back of a great warhorse, wielding [[sword]] and lance, wearing plate and a greathelm, just as he does at present and how his descendants 25 generations down the line will. At best, some groups in the universe may be more advanced than others (some peoples might be building castles and forging plate armor while others live as primitive cave men armed with flint axes and stone tipped spears), but nobody will be developing new technology, or, on the off chance one or two factions are, it will never spread much or catch on anywhere else. This also applies to social structures such as feudalism, with a max of one non-Greco-Roman democracy per setting. It will be conquered and restored from edition to edition as fanboys war behind the scenes.

While it is not, in and of itself, a bad thing, as it creates a set mood and style of play, we run into the fact that many writers are hacks, and use it to both rip-off other writers (principally, Tolkien) and to [[Advancing the Storyline|keep the world stagnant enough that they don't risk smashing something people actually like that they didn't have the skill to ''realize'' they shouldn't smash, while still maintaining the illusion of forward momentum]]. The ''[[Forgotten Realms]]'' is a prime example of this, featuring both several powerful organizations out to stifle any attempt to progress the technological or socioeconomic advancement of the setting, and many lame-brained "advances" in story from edition to edition, most infamously with 4th edition's "Spellplague" and retconned twin planet where all the new 4e races were hiding.

A common thing among fantasy writers is treating firearms of any kind as a taboo. Many feel that featuring firearms would somehow ruin the medieval feeling despite the fact that firearms were used in the late medieval period (and in Warhammer.) Granted, [[neckbeards|many people's]] weapon history knowledge is such that they believe that having guns would immediately mean having AK-47s rather than merely having handcannons or matchlock muskets.

Note that in high-magic settings, sorcery sometimes gets so common and overpowered that it basically replaces technological progress. Why would you build robots or rockets if you can just create golems or cast Teleport Without Error?

Another issue with medieval stasis is that a lot of writers—most of them in fact—probably know less about the actual Middle Ages than the average Crusader Kings 2 player and thus present not only a world in medieval stasis but one that's in, at best, a theme-park version of the medieval period and quite often only really showing Anglo-French medievalism (and a bastardized shitfarmer version of it at that). The somewhat more historically literate might put in some anachronisms like references to ancient Greece, Egypt, and Rome, or to the Aztecs (usually a ramshackle mishmash of half remembered tidbits of the Mayans, Aztecs, and Inca thrown together with no real thought), and if you're extra lucky you might get something that's an extended reference to a (largely inaccurate) medieval Islamic polity or to the Holy Roman Empire, mixed in with the usual barbarian tribes, but that's usually about it. Like the Democracy thing mentioned above? It was nowhere near that simple in real life. A great many of the tribal societies we have records of were actually very democratic, where the King was elected and so were the chiefs below them and they absolutely did not have absolute authority over their subjects. And of course "feudalism" is simply a catch all label for a hugely varied and complicated array of societal organization systems that can be vaguely described as an aristocratic hierarchy based around land and military service and assorted ties of loyalty and bloodline.

And even in medieval Europe you had systems that broke the norm, like the merchant republics of Italy or the north German free cities, and of course you had lands directly ruled by the Church. Never mind that you also had rather different systems of organization elsewhere in the world, like in the Islamic world, India, the Americas, and of course, China's quite literal bureaucracy where civil servants hired based on their performance in examinations did most of the day-to-day governing of China; dynasties could come and go but the bureaucracy was eternal. Tolkien was himself, of course, a medievalist with very deep knowledge of the time period, even by today's standards, with our rather improved access to knowledge of the time period. Warhammer was created by history nerds who very much knew what they were writing about and so populated the world of Warhammer Fantasy with references to just about every political system that predominated in the medieval and renaissance periods as well as a lot of those that predominated in antiquity. So not only does Medieval Stasis perpetuate an annoying degree of sameness in the fantasy genre, it also tends to be based on a conception of medieval times that's not only essentially completely limited to France + England with some scattered references to other stuff, but is also almost completely wrong about everything and doesn't even scratch the surface of the depth of medieval history.
==Some general historical points==
One thing that should be known is that no one group of people has a monopoly on innovation. You have some stodgy conservative societies with "revere your ancestors and their wisdom" and "If It Ain't Broke Don't Fix It" mentalities which hinders improvements and those which value innovation and believe in progress for the sake of progress and various groups in between, but nobody has been so dedicated to stagnation that they would shun all attempts at improvement in perpetuity. Civilizations which don't keep up tend to be conquered by those that do. Actual resistance to the adoption of new technologies is typically not to the effect of people in authority demanding the inventors or the presenters of the new breakthrough be burned at the stakes for witchcraft; instead, generally, it would be more to the effect of seeing a new device and declaring it to be an interesting novelty, but be reticent to adopting it because doing so would be expensive and its benefits are still unclear, that there is not a particularly pressing need to improve that field right now, that it might be profitable in one sense but on the other hand it might destabilize the social order of things that has stood for centuries which can result in social unrest as people which profit from the current set up become redundant or that this beneficial machinery might come with complications that leave them in the pockets of foreign powers (buying spare parts for their machines or importing foreign fuel). Concerns which generally do have at least a kernel of truth to them (example: industrialization leading to the rise of a prominent bourgeoisie which eclipses the landed nobility), and the attitude that they often engender is to adopt changes gradually, "on their own terms". Other factors are general xenophobia and resistance to the ideas of Methodological Naturalism as opposed to Dogmatism, though even these are not absolute barriers.

Most improvements don't come in big breakthroughs made by some lone mastermind; a [[Stone Age|genius hunter/gatherer]] did not one day decide [[Bronze Age|"Lets start clearing out land, plowing it and sowing it with seeds and capturing animals to breed so we can have all the food we want"]]. That process took thousands of years, starting with little things such as weeding patches of wild food plants which were gradually added onto with other practices until you got farming as we'd understand it, with silos, farmhouses, fields, plows, pens of livestock, irrigation ditches, and so forth. Improvements can come about by people trying to be more thrifty, having to do with less of a previously common resource, more of a specific resource becoming available or by minor accidental variations. The idea that technology comes all at once from super special smart people ex nihilo instead of being born of conditions produced by years of decisions made by everyone from politicians down to the lowliest peasant is something born of a combination of fiction being kind of clumsy at showing things at a societal instead of an individual level and narratives which are basically hagiographic propaganda about how great some inventor was (while almost invariably not crediting all the people who helped them), with a bit of market campaigning meant to make you think that a slightly faster electric toothbrush is some massive revolution. If you look at society as a product of decisions made by the masses under conditions, rather than some smart guy having a great idea, questions of why some people didn't invent some things become much easier to answer. Even in the last two centuries where quick spread of knowledge meant one genius could share their idea quick, it was still common for more than one of them to have the same idea at the same time. It's why some science concepts are named after two people instead of one.

Certain technologies and conditions are conducive towards innovation. Let's look at the history of literacy, paper, printing, and the scientific method, for example. If your tribe can farm you have support some artisans who spend all their time weaving, making pots and tools, building boats, working wood, etc. These guys and gals know more about their field of expertise and work out ways of doing it more efficiently. Writing (developed to keep inventory records) means that ideas can be passed down from generation to generation more effectively. Mathematics (ditto) is a major boon to construction and later engineering. Movable type means that both are more readily available to the masses. The scientific mindset is also a valuable aid in this regard and is allowed to flourish because the greater spread of reading pushed by the movable type press and the adoption of paper makes it easier to become educated as well as record the results of experiments and share them with others. Before you had paper and printing presses, writing surfaces were expensive and all copying had to be done by hand. Afterwards, you could print newspapers, books of natural philosophy and manuals for the operation of machines.

What does this mean for the scientific method? Well in this era to have a great, world renown library meant having one thousand or so books and generally they were chained to the library to prevent people from stealing them because they were literally worth their weight in gold. Today a random middle class bookworm could easily have more than a thousand books given some time to collect them, and the really big libraries have literally tens of millions of paper documents. So the massive paper trail of the modern scientific method was simply not affordable, and the need for manual copying basically kneecaps peer review. Add to that that paper itself was introduced to Europeans during the 1300s when Marco Polo returned from China (something many medieval fantasy writers simply gloss over out of convenience). Part of the reason why so little metarial survived from the days of Rome and earlier is because their preferred material was Papyrus, which takes very badly to any kind of humidity. During the dark and middle ages, the material of choice in most parts of central and western Europe became parchment made from animal skins, which was extremely expensive and could therefore only be used to write and copy documents of utmost importance. But with cheap paper, a greater number of people able to afford it thanks to black death induced changes to Feudal Europe, and printing presses science as we now know it could really get into motion.

Refinements in existing technologies can be a prerequisite to the development of new technologies. As an example, the Romans knew the basic principle of how to make a steam engine and even how to put rotary power to work (having watermills for grinding grain and sawing wood) but they could not apply that technology because they lacked the ability to cast iron as they lacked proper blast furnaces, something you need to be good at doing to make one which is actually useful. The steam engines known to the Mediterranean world at the time were basically fancy toys for the idle rich. The Chinese had the technology to theoretically make steam engines, but the issue tended to be a lack of substantial need as well as [[China]]'s bad habit of periodically exploding into colossal gigadeath civil wars. The Song Dynasty might have sparked the need for such technologies as they were rapidly transitioning towards a highly commercialised economy and out of the bounds of feudalism and were starting to run into issues of demand outpacing the ability of work to meet, [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|but things didn't go too great for them.]]

Finally there is the matter of Diffusion, the spread of technology from one country or civilisation to another if they are in contact with each other. This can be done directly (kidnapping a blacksmith and telling him to train up some of your bronzesmiths to work iron and beat him if he does not comply) or indirectly (a trader from the next kingdom over comes into town with a donkey pulling a wheeled cart, a carpenter sees this, thinks it's a good idea and decides to try to make one himself). There is no point in reinventing the wheel from log rollers on up when you can just copy someone else's work. Moreover if the idea spreads there will be a hell of a lot of people working on it making wheels coming to useful improvements by accidents, making refinements and big breakthroughs which will in turn spread again. If you started in Portugal and went east through Spain, France, Italy, the Balkans, Greece, Turkey, The Fertile Crescent, Iran, Pakistan, India, Indochina and China, you'd come across a series of well developed civilizations that had existed for thousands of years and each one had dealings with their neighbors. Ideas that started in India or Rome or Greece flowed along that pathway to be taken and refined elsewhere.

tl;dr: Stop being lazy and go read Guns, Germs and Steel.

=== Fantasy authors are bad Medievalists and historians, part 2 ===

The vision of medieval times that exists in fantasy is a gigantic pile of anachronisms, pop-history, and misconceptions. Much of this is due to Fantasy's scope of time being seriously out of whack even without innovations like gunpowder or industrial technology. See, our monkey brains aren't very good at really comprehending spans of time longer than a handful of decades. So we tend to mash up entire "eras" of history into indistinct blobs in our headspace, even though the entire concept of a historical era is more or less for academic convenience and categorization. Charlemagne's Empire was as far back in the past relative to Joan of Arc as she is to the present day. And technology and culture certainly did not remain static in those intervening seven hundred years. Paris went from a fairly small city of a few tens of thousands to a bustling metropolis of nearly a quarter of a million people, mail or banded armour was largely replaced by solid plated armour, gunpowder was popularised, sugar was introduced to the European diet, the Magyars went from eastern horseback-mounted pagan invaders to a solidly Catholic and Europeanised mainstay of central Europe as the Hungarians, and eastern Europe was Christianised in a rather gory and unpleasant process, to name just a few of the drastic changes over the years. Of course, any Crusader Kings 2 player could tell you how ridiculous the idea of the political map of a faux-medieval realm remaining static for centuries is.

Let's now take the common complaint among Fantasy authors that guns render castles and knights in shining armour obsolete. Full Plate armour coexisted with man-portable gunpowder weapons throughout literally the entirety of its military service and was phased out because of reasons of cost as armies got bigger, not because it was ineffective against guns. Making a fully articulated suit of plate armour fitted to every soldier is expensive and time consuming, so as armies got more standardized as countries centralized, with equipment being given by the military rather than soldiers being left to figure it out themselves, it was deemed easier to just give people the basics needed to protect their bodies. In that case, ditching the limb armor to reduce costs while keeping the helmet and breastplate like the Swiss Landsknecht and the Spanish Tercio. Hell: in Japan, the increasing prevalence of guns is what made the Samurai go from only partially metallic lamellar armour to full metal plated suits in the first place.

Furthermore, Plate armour by and large did not coexist with other types of metallic armour. It straight up replaced them all because it was just flatly better. Whether it's just a breastplate, a suit of half-plate (half referring to how much of the body is protected), or full plate, there was basically zero reason to wear anything else. Once the metal casting technology for plate armour became widespread, other forms of armour largely disappeared save for covering joint areas because plate armour is simply better in every way and is cheaper to make. Full coats of mail or scale didn't coexist with efficiently made plate armour; there's no need for a chain shirt when a solid steel breastplate offers superior protection for no downside, and full plate is actually considerably more comfortable and lighter than a full coat of mail. So that adventuring party where the Barbarian is wearing chainmail for mobility and the fighter is wearing full plate to tank better at the cost of agility? Simply didn't happen. You're mixing your dark ages and your late medieval/renaissance era armour styles. Mixing armor did, however, happen with conquistadors, and ''may'' have occurred with other small groups of fighting men. This was due purely to costs, not armor types having pros and cons, as used obsolete gear was far cheaper than armor anyone actually wanted. The equipment log for the 287 combatant Coronado expedition lists five suits of full plate (four belonging to Coronado himself), four suits of plate armor for horses (all Coronado's), 16 sets of partial plate, 56 pieces of sleeveless chain armor for the torso (two vests only), one suit of sleeved chain armor, and 250 gambesons. Archaeologists have found a medieval kettle hat in New Mexico, which would have been obsolete for hundreds of years before it got there.

As for Castles, anyone who seriously believed that cannons made strong walls obsolete would be laughed out of any gunpowder-era military engineering course; hell, even as late as the World Wars, fixed fortifications were a very daunting task for artillery to try and crack and often required specialist super heavy guns or ultra high penetration air-dropped bombs to break. After the development of gunpowder artillery, contemporary militaries simply converted their castles into star forts or polygonal fortresses (where the walls are made sloped and are backed by a lot of sloped compressed dirt. Meanwhile, in China, average city walls were already several meters thick and filled with lots of compressed dirt and gravel compared to the famous walls of Constantinople (which were two to three meters thick at best and less stuffed). This meant that the Chinese had less incentive to refine their artillery for centuries (which came back to backfire on them when modern howitzers and specialized shells were used against them by the Europeans when they sent out colonial expeditions). Have you ever heard the term Forlorn Hope? It refers to the supremely unfortunate soldiers who get the job of being the first to rush into the breach of a fortress when after what is typically days, weeks, or even months of non-stop cannon fire they ''finally'' break open one of the walls. Which is rather obviously a suicide mission for the first wave. If it were easy to crack open fortresses with cannonades there would be no need for them.

What actually changed about Castles is that as countries became more centralized, control over military forts passed unto the Kingdom/Empire proper and out of the hands of local nobles, meaning that fortresses largely stopped also being houses for the resident Baron or Count of whatever. This had the benefit of ensuring that local nobles had a harder time rebelling because the fortresses were loyal to the Capital, rather than being their private property. It wasn't until well into the 20th century with the invention of the atomic fucking bomb that a line of fixed fortifications was no longer regarded as a serious obstacle to a truly determined attacker and that was only if the attacker was willing and able to drop one on the battlefield. With conventional munitions, even today with all our missiles and precision weapons, a fortified line is something that most attackers would rather bypass than breach. Of course, most defenders know this and essentially use fortifications to funnel attackers into battlefields of their choosing.

And what about industrial technology? Surely that has no place in my pre-modern setting or would be obsoleted by magic! That too was driven in large part by increased centralization. Artisanal production is relatively fine if you never need to send products very far away from where they're made and are only meeting relatively small amounts of local demand and the occasional distant but super wealthy patron. But as realms centralize and unify and economies grow interconnected, suddenly monks copying maybe a handful of books a year at a premium isn't enough to meet the needs for more literature. You need higher output, which leads to mass industrialization and standardization of production which requires growing mechanization of production to ensure that quality remains consistent. This drives the greater reliance on machines in producing things and these machines make it easier to make better machines until you can meet the demand or until you get to the point where you're starting to reach the limitations of your power source like wind, muscle, or waterpower. As medieval societies got bigger, you saw more windmills and watermills to get more power for all this work.

Fantasy settings, however, offer magic and alchemy which should realistically, unless there are heavy restrictions on the commonality of either, make for ideal power sources to make for even better machines until you end up in industrialism via such powers. Whether they do this on their own or are used to augment mundane technology is mostly irrelevant. And indeed, powerful mages and alchemists are likely to end up as the predominant class as they control access to these all important resources. So societies that don't want to rely on either would likely double down on trying to find alternatives to having to rely on them, much like how Merchants pushed for quite a lot of what we take for granted in modern society to wriggle out from the thumb of the Aristocracy, like moving centers of production into cities not owned by nobles so they didn't have to pay the local Baron and would have better access to labourers not tied to the land as they sought to maximize profit in their class interest.

Societies are products of the conditions in which they exist. Things are the way they are because of responses to needs and pressures or perceived needs and pressures. They are never really static because the wheel of history is constantly turning and even something as simple as fluctuations in population size can result in radical transformations. Did a big war just depopulate a country in a fantasy setting? Well, gee whiz, now the labourers in the country have a much greater position of power and influence due to the scarcity of their services, which can lead to undermining the entire basis of medieval feudalism and pave the way for late Feudalism or even early Capitalism. Or perhaps something else entirely if the setting conditions allow for it (probably not a regression to Classical era slavery though; that required huge surpluses of labour.)

==Why the Medieval Stasis of the Post-Roman Middle Ages Ended==

In our own world, there were several critical developments which dramatically altered the status quo and led to the disruption of Medieval Stasis. These were:

* '''Printing:''' The invention of printing resulted in an upswing of literacy and education across all but the lowest classes of society. Greater availability of religious texts immediately caused schisms in Christianity as its foundational texts were scrutinized, while broadsheets and pamphleteering became the first form of ostensibly independent "news" through which the masses could be swayed to one view or another. The church had been instrumental in raising people to subscribe to the status quo and its disruption left the system it was propping up vulnerable. Printing (and the refinements of the techniques for producing paper) also lead to a revolution in administration, as the rapid reproduction of records and similar documents simply made it easier to govern by decree, rather than giving a local noble you appointed some broad orders and hope he would stick to them.
* '''Casting & Gunpowder:''' These two technologies were linked at the hip. Gunpowder weaponry was powerful, but also expensive and complicated to make (cannons are generally cast, and once you can cast guns you can cast all kinds of new things). It made feudalism untenable; no longer could a lord have his smith hammer out some weapons and outfit some men at arms. Instead he paid taxes (bastard feudalism) so the king could buy guns made by...
* '''Craft Guilds (the Emergence of a Middle Class):''' The increasing complexity of creating of arms and desired goods drove the formation of labor organizations specifically focused on production; all kinds of production from guns to fabrics to ships and everything else. As these organizations gained wealth, they gained power and with it an awareness of their importance relative to the importance of their supposed betters; this awareness found its outlet in the growing public forum fueled by printing.
* '''Fractional Investment:''' With craft guilds and casting, economies were primed to begin growing rapidly, beyond the ability of the nobility to retain control or even complete awareness of what was going on. Into this the growing artisan classes (particularly in the Netherlands) threw in the concept of modern investment, allowing individuals of lower means to participate in larger endeavors at reasonable risk. Whether it was building polders or sending ships on trading missions or establishing businesses, this lit a fuse for explosive economic growth which ultimately made feudalism (and its tendency to maintain the status quo) economically obsolete.
* '''Colonialism:''' This also goes hand in hand with the emergence of the Middle Class. The discovery of the Americas single-handedly fixed the decades long economic recession Europe experienced by opening up the vast deposits of precious metals (so vast in fact, that some of the mines established by the Spanish in the 1500s are operating to this very day) sitting there to the European powers (mostly Spain). Expansionism and wars between ''Nations'' as opposed to ''Kings'' over economical and strategic dominance that seem more familiar to us also became the norm. Colonialism changed the face of the world in ways that would take up too much space to even broadly lay down on this page, so we'll just leave it at that.

While there were innumerable other factors, these were major destabilizing elements that individually might have been coped with, but in concert made change inevitable. In designing a medieval setting, care must be given to the degree of technology that is introduced. As a general rule anything which cannot be created by the labor of a single person (excluding buildings, anyway), is liable to begin a chain reaction of economic activity which transfers wealth (and thus, power) away from a landholding nobility to a middle, merchant class.

This is why Venice with its shipbuilders and traders was the birthplace of the Renaissance. Unlike all the rest of Europe, Venice never succumbed to medieval stasis from feudalism; instead it succumbed to naked plutocracy. The middle merchant class of wealthy citizens (citizen in the Roman/Byzantine sense) grew so powerful so fast from shipbuilding and trade that they engaged in centuries of backstabbing and petty power grabs. In feudalistic countries, you were rich ''because you were king'', and your line might reign for centuries. In Venice you were Doge (we swear, that's what they called the guy in charge) ''because you were rich'' and used your money to bribe/threaten/murder enough people to make you Doge; and odds were you'd be dead within a couple years to make someone else Doge. In a fit of irony, Venice, Ragusa and other merchant city-states eventually suffered a stagnation due to the closing of the Silk Road and the shift of trade lines from Mediterranean to Atlantic, this just goes to show how historical conditions can make or break a society.

==Notable Examples of Medieval Stasis==

*'''[[Lord of the Rings]]:''' Tolkien wasn't too fond of industrialization, having seen the First World War's highly industrialized warfare and the pollution-spewing effects of the Industrial and Transportation Revolutions on his native countryside up close and personal, so the heroes of his stories preferred Medieval Stasis as well, barring a few anachronisms like clocks and matches. Unlike most of the writers that he inspired, Tolkien had [[Fluff|five hundred pages of background]] explaining why, namely because Middle-earth was in a state of decline due to the ravages of Morgoth and Sauron, the gradual decline of the elves and the Dunedain after the downfall of Numenor, and much of their technology was given to them by the Valar rather than inventing it themselves, and is intended as a mythological history of the world that ultimately explains why humans are on top and everyone else is gone. The funny thing is, based on supplementary books and scrapped stories, Numenor came quite close to being a Steampunk world power, equipped with steamships and even rockets, which, in their decadent colonialist period, they promptly used to imperialize the shit out of much of the world in a manner that led to their ultimate downfall. Indeed, that's why Harad, Rhun, Khand and other humans hate Gondor so much. The Numenorian ancestors of Gondor's people were taking them for [[Chaos Dwarfs|industrial-level human sacrifices]] and doing other atrocities to them, so the descendants of their victims still hold genocidal hatred (abetted by Sauron playing all sides against each other). Also, it's worth mentioning that Tolkien designed his setting as a literal Earth backstory myth, so technically the age of industrialization and modernisation will start in Middle-Earth anyway.
* '''[[A Song of Ice and Fire]]:''' Westeros is ''extra'' static, because not only has everything been fairly stable for thousands of years until the Great Fuckening of the current time frame, some ''individual families'' have had unbroken rule over their lands for a hundred odd generations (The Starks being the prime example, as they have ruled in Winterfell for over ''eight thousand years'') which is something patently absurd when you consider how much real life royal, imperial, and noble families have had to struggle to avoid patrilineal extinction in just a few centuries, with the oldest still extant aristocratic house being the Japanese house of Yamato and even then it's likely that they bent the rules of succession at least once in their 2500 year history. That said, it should be noted that part of the backstory involves the Bronze Age First Men defeating the Stone Age Children of the Forest, who were themselves conquered by the Iron Age Andal invaders everywhere but in the Iron Islands and the North (who adapted and adopted the technology of their would-be conquerors), and the records of the ancient days are spotty at best, full of mythical accounts and many of the Maesters believe that said events happened over a shorter timeframe. Granted, the whole "millenia old houses" might be something that tended to happen with noble houses IRL claming to be much older than they actually were and could not being contradicted in the absence of reliable records, all the way to the Ethiopian "Solomonids" that still exist to this day, and the aforementioned Yamato being helped by the fact that Japan did not have reliable calendars until the late 19th century, so there's that. While the exact timespan between the Andal invasion and the current events isn't exactly established, the stasis is still quite bad especially when you consider how dragons (essentially domesticated flying animals) are present yet people are none wiser on things such as flight or the use of heat and steam in proto-industrial activities.
* '''[[Forgotten Realms]]:''' Not only have things been more-or-less exactly the same for all of recorded history, there is a powerful, international, theoretically-good-or-at-least-neutral organization actively devoted to making sure that ''no progress of any kind is ever made'': the [[Harpers]]. Whenever anyone invents something useful (guns, locomotion, steel plows, etc.) and tries to market it, the Harpers confiscate it and make it clear they'll kill the creator and their whole family if they don't go back to being a happy little peasant. Whenever a good-aligned king tries to unite and stabilize the warring states, the Harpers murder his ass (makes one wonder if the Harpers aren't part of the problem). Faerun hasn't budged an inch since Ao glued it together. And even [[Al-Qadim]], located on a southern continent beyond their reach, is a somewhat-hidebound and conservative society where progress is uncommon. The only exception to this was the island nation of [[Lantan]]. The island was a theocratic state in service to Gond Wonderbringer, a deity whose portfolio included innovation and technology, who gifted his followers with knowledge of smokepowder which lead to functional in-setting [[firearm|firearms]]. At least until 4th edition blew it up along with everything else fun or interesting in the Forgotten Realms. As of 5th edition, the current (albeit scattered and/or vague) lore seems to imply that Lantan's destruction has been retconned like the rest of the Spellplague.
* '''[[Greyhawk]]:''' Despite the impotent bitching on the page for this [[Old School Roleplaying|oldest-of-the-old school]] settings, it also has a society where nothing much ever has happened or will happen to bring about changes in the lifestyles of its inhabitants. And ''this'' is the setting with [[Murlynd| a literal god of Old West gunfighting]] and an army of [[firearm]]-toting [[gunslinger|paladins analogous to sheriffs]].
* '''[[Dragonlance]]:''' Apocalyptic calamities come and go, but Krynn stays at pretty much the same level of pseudo-medieval tech forever, world without end, amen. And, no the [[Gnomes|tinker gnomes]] do ''not'' count, since their stuff almost never does anything useful, gets mass-produced, or catches on outside the gnomes themselves. In fact, some material explicitly says that the reason for the stasis is '''because''' of the fucking gnomes; their absolute idiocy when it comes to producing technology has actually convinced pretty much every other culture on the planet that science is fundamentally inferior in every way to sorcery! The one culture that doesn't think they're entirely a waste of time is only interested because it pretty much hates magic... and is made of a bunch of knight-in-shining-armor types so hidebound that they haven't been able to properly fix their organization since the first Cataclysm, and so anything like vehicles or gunpowder is certain to get dismissed on grounds of being "dishonorable". So, yeah, '''fuck''' tinker gnomes.
* '''[[Warcraft]]:''' In a cartoony match for the Dragonlance example above, Azeroth's many factions never adopt one another's technological advancements. Goblins and gnomes can invent as many steampunk robots as they want, none of their stuff will ever change the world in a concrete way. Even the aliens are mostly just sword-and-sorcery types using magic for space travel and other advanced projects. That said, firearms had established themselves in the comparatively recent past.
*'''[[Ravenloft]]:''' This is probably the most interesting example. The Demiplane of Dread doesn't so much "advance" as it does "absorb some place where things are a little more complicated," and most of the Domains of Dread are already tailor-made just to torture their prisoners (and the Darklords can also choose to simply seal off all access to their Domains entirely when they're not just isolated by the Mists). Thus, though individual Domains might be advanced enough for common people to have firearms and gaslights or so primitive that they aren't even ''into'' the Stone Age (King Crocodile for the win!), they will almost never learn from or assimilate one another's technology even on the rare chance xenophobia doesn't get in the way first. Each Domain will be mostly frozen into the level it's at, medieval or not. Amusingly, this works both ways: technologically-advanced societies are no more likely to take up magic than lower-tech ones are to learn to use gunpowder. There's a notable exception in the Rokushima Táiyoo, which is listed as "Dark Age", but said to find the gunpowder weapons of Dementlieu "tantalizing;" this is a reference to the fact that that land is a pastiche of Sengoku Jidai Japan, and its Darklord of Western fanboy and gunpowder aficionado Oda Nobunaga.
*'''[[Star Wars]]:''' Not medieval, but absolutely in technological stasis in the Old Republic. In the 4000 years before the Battle of Yavin (the situation before and after this 4000 year period is discussed below) technological , the only thing that has noticeably improved is hyperdrives which have become faster and smaller. This would eventually be justified by a devastating war ~1100 years before the original film bringing about a dark age that killed several major technology companies and destroyed any FTL communication (sans courier) past the core worlds. This does ''not'' however apply to the period of 36 years covered by the films and the decades after it covered by the Expanded Universe (see below). There are some in-universe technological achievements that supposedly result in better results (the kolto made by an isolationist monopoly being replaced by the superior bacta made by multiple rival cartels, for instance, as the flesh-healing miracle drug), but none of them are really noticeable through the window the audience sees.
*'''[[Dune]]:''' One of the major inspirations for ''Star Wars'' (and [[Warhammer 40K]]). At some point in the past, AI went rogue and humanity's struggle against it became a literal holy war (the Butlerian Jihad), after it ended, development of any "thinking machines" was banned by religious fiat. As a result, technological and scientific development has slowed to a crawl, new technology is seen as suspicious, the "[[Drug|Spice]]" from Arrakis allows people to become human supercomputers, expanded lifetimes, and have space folding, so there was no desire to experiment and find alternatives, the development of personal shields made every other weapon outdated except for melee weapons (unless you shoot a [[lasgun]] into a shield, then the [[Exterminatus|shooter, the target, and the surrounding landscape are deleted in a massive explosion]]) and the Bene Gesserit and Navigator's Guild collaborated to set up a feudalistic government with full knowledge that it would be easier to control. However, the main plot of the series is eventually revealed to be about making humanity escape this stagnation.
*'''[[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]]:''' Bretonnia is literally in Medieval Stasis despite having one of the most technologically-advanced nations right next door. The Elves of all types give no fucks about advancing their technology, but in their defense what they have still works, they have access to giant monsters such as dragons and hydras and the Dark Elves are a minor exception. The Warriors of Chaos are again literally medieval, but in their case they're Medieval [[Vikings]] who get supplied with advanced tech by the Chaos Dwarf allies or demons. Orcs have not been introduced to the wonders of "Dakka" yet; the Lizardmen still use wood and stone, but are literally designed for specific taskes and make up for it by also using dinosaurs and the best magic in their world. Lastly, the Ogres are pretty much in "Stone Age Stasis" as they're not very intelligent but they've started to reverse engineer blackpower weapons and under Overtyrant Greasus started to discover the benefits of commerce. Human nations outside of Bretonnia are at the tail end of the Renaissaince, while the Empire of Man is in slowly fighting through the early Enlightenment but they are under constant attack from various Eldritch horrors so progress is existent but slow. The only races that have had any technological developments on a grand scale are the Skaven and Dwarfs, and more so the Chaos Dwarfs. The Dwarfs are reluctant to share their technology with anybody other than the Empire of Man and all their inventions must have several centuries of successful use before the guilds allow it to be mass-produced. While Skaven have guns, electricity and powered vehicles, most of the inventions of the Skaven end up blowing up in their faces and rely on the highly dangerous and unstable Warpstone (plus little regard for collateral damage). The Chaos Dwarfs' technology is run on daemon souls and bloody sacrifices, and they've reached the point of having tanks and demonic golems. You can see why others have not copied the latter two.
** The undead factions are an interesting case. The Vampire Counts vary with Luthor Harkon's pirate fleets using black powder weapons while outside that the most advanced technology seen in that faction was crossbows. The Tomb Kings had varying technology, with their most technologically advanced city, Lybaras, reaching the steampunk level. Also, they have superhuman abilities and being undead eliminates many of the needs that lead people to develop technology (no need to develop automation when undead laborers don't get tired or bored, no need for medicine because the dead don't get sick naturally plus their bodies can be repaired by magic and non-vampire undead don't need sustenance) and they also have magic and monsters.
** Not that any of this matters because the entire world got nuked by the Chaos Gods. The sequel setting, Age of Sigmar, has the successor factions be at roughly the same level as they were at the End Times, but stuff has become understood enough that Steam Tanks and Cannons won't randomly blow up as often and can be reliably mass produced, and it should be pointed out that Mass Production is itself a game changer. Stasis is more then raw technology: it is as much application. The Kharadron Overlords have surpassed steampunk via magic punk. The setting also has more-widely-available magic than the Old World did, significantly changing and improving the qualify of life of its inhabitants (in theory, in practice it's still pretty bad due to Chaos, [[Nagash]], Greenskin and giant rampages and the realms being pretty fucked up places even when those three aren't involved, even Azyr is under a heavy dictatorship to prevent chaos of both lowercase c and capital C varieties).
* '''[[Banestorm]]''': This one can be especially surprising, given the titular Banestorm makes the setting [[Isekai|Portal Fantasy]], so it's surprising that technology is still medieval. However, two issues present themselves: Most otherworlders are too familiar with modern society to function in the world of Yrth, and the powers that be specifically stop it.

==Notable Settings ''Without'' Medieval Stasis==

*'''[[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]]:''' The Empire, Dwarfs and Grand Cathay are actually about the level of most European countries around 1500, at the start of the early modern period and the Renaissance. They're also advancing, albeit slowly, as the Dwarfs have steampunk helicopters and recently invented airships. But the problem is that they are under constant Chaos invasions and Chaos Gods themselves are not above screwing with the world, which puts something of a crimp on pure research. Imagine what Nurgle would do to the guy who discovered penicillin in this world. The fact that relations between the engineers and the Cult of Sigmar are not the best in the world does not help things at all. The Dark Elves have progressed from bows to rapid-fire armor-piercing crossbows, including a one-handed variety, during their war against the High Elves. The other notable technology users are the Skaven, but the Skaven technology only affects their weapons (god help the world if they ever figure out sanitation considering what it did to our own population) and it's almost all magitech based on weaponizing [[Warpstone|solidified Chaos.]] Undead straddle the line between the two, with the vampires not being afraid to use technology; the problem is most of their undead minions lack the physical and mental acumen to use it while the vampires physical, mental and magical abilities make technology practically redundant to them at a personal level. The [[Tomb Kings]] had technology at the steampunk level, though this isn't represented in the game, but they are more concerned about rebuilding their realm, which has fallen into disrepair due to hundreds of years of civil war and no maintenance, rather than advancing their society. They do have golem-esque undead constructs, which are the undead magical equivalent of robots.
**''''[[Warhammer: Age of Sigmar]]:''' As noted above, the sequel setting shows clear technological development with mass production of the best of the stuff known in the World-That-Was, with the [[Kharadron Overlords]], the [[Cities of Sigmar]] subfaction Ironweld Arsenal and the Skaven Clans Skyre being the resident technological factions. The Lumineth are also a borderline case, as they've developed solar-powered golems, but knowing them magic might also be involved.
*'''[[Iron Kingdoms]]:''' The Iron Kingdoms setting is one of the best examples of steampunk fantasy. They're developed to the extent of the Victorian era (the mid-to-late 1800s), with a slow-but-growing industrial revolution and the discovery and development of electricity and chemistry, with the ongoing big international clusterfuck behind the wargame constantly fueling magical and technological advancement. At the same time, it remains a recognizably fantasy setting in many ways, with wizard orders, barbarian tribes, and dangerous monster threats on the frontier demanding plucky-adventurer solutions. (Or did before the wheels came off partway through Third Edition to make way for the science fiction spin-off nobody wanted. Still isn't medieval stasis though.)
*'''[[Eberron]]:''' Eberron is weird and expressly focused on subverting the usual D&D cliches, so the technology is a strange mixture of all eras with a side order of JRPG-style magitech. It's one of the few settings that avoids both medieval stasis and outright steampunk, since magic is so common that it has effectively displaced technology, but unlike most settings, this manifests as mass ''availability'' of magic conveniences. As there is no continuity and by default every game starts at exactly the same point in time as every other game, in 998 YK, [[Advancing the Storyline| there's no real status quo to worry about upsetting]]. Only modules/novels that are direct sequels ever reference the events of other modules/novels as having happened.
*'''[[Dark Sun]]:''' A weird example. Depending on edition, the past of Athas may have included anything from a standard fantasy setting to a bio-mechanical halfling empire. But, either way, the Brown Age is a barbaric decline of these past glories, with little metal and no feasible way of shaping more leaving the world in an oddly-civilized nigh-Stone Age. Still, there is an undercurrent of rebuilding and reforming throughout the more-heroic-minded books on the setting, helped by the same eventual anti-continuity Eberron had, so the idea that things ''could'' progress or get better isn't ''impossible''.
*'''[[Ironclaw]]:''' The once-fantasy world is undergoing a pseudo-Renaissance shift away from magic and feudalism to machinery and Italian-style guild-republics. PCs are actually explicitly part of the burgeoning new middle class. Not bad for a furry RPG, huh?
*'''[[Mystara]]:''' Depending on where you are, there might be airships, magic-powered technological conveniences, and drill-tanks to explore the hollow earth full of dinosaurs. Either way, things are a little less generic here in proto-Eberron.
*'''[[Pathfinder]]:''' [[Golarion]] features relatively advanced technologies such as flintlock and matchlock firearms, the printing press, galleons (crewed by pirates reminiscent of the Golden Age of piracy in the Caribbean), and, in certain sourcebooks, [[Spelljammer|steampunk/magi-tech spaceships]]. Not to mention the number of people whose clothes and equipment are explicitly based on 18th-century fashions (see, among others, Andoran, Taldor, and Alkenstar). At least one source (''05-13: Hellknight's Feast'') says high class dwellings have actual porcelain toilets. Also, there's that one random corner of the world where aliens are trying to peacefully settle and/or invade, only to realize they picked the *one* corner of the world where pleas of "We come in peace!" are met with [[Barbarian|warcries and the judicious application of battleaxes to various vital areas]]. One sourcebook (''Technology Guide'') includes *lots* of super-high-tech stuff and different class archetypes that make use of it. On the socio-political front, the Chelaxian breakaways Andoran and Galt have started to push for a less aristocratic government. Come second edition, cannons have become widespread on naval vessels.
**And '''[[Starfinder]]''' reveals that at least at some point various sci-fi technologies will be developed.
*'''[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]''': It was true in the past, but by the time of the original series the Fire Nation has become an industrial power, complete with colonial ambitions towards the rest of the world. In fact, the main character's previous incarnation as Avatar Roku actually ''stopped'' the Fire Nation from breaking medieval stasis ''because'' he foresaw that doing so would mean allowing them to subjugate all the other peoples. In fact Sozin, the Fire Lord during this industrial age and Roku's former friend, outright stated that's exactly what he planned to do, and hoped Roku would join him. And after Sozin got rid of Roku, the Fire Nation immediately went all Imperial Japan on the world, even inflicting genocide on the Air Nomads to stop the next Avatar, Aang, which forced Aang to flee. Which is perfectly sensible because even if they weren't the designated pacifist culture, Aang was literally 12 and had no way of meaningfully stopping them (''yet''). Even the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes have a few tinkerers and inventors, and during the time of Avatar Aang, the first airships and submarines are invented, albeit the magitek varieties. At the end of the show, the protagonist Avatar Aang makes peace between all three surviving factions and begins the reestablishment of the aforementioned genocided faction, and the sequel reveals that doing so helped the world advance to a roughly 20s/30s era of technology, complete with automobiles, moving pictures, the printing press, political propaganda videos, and croneyist democracy.
*'''[[Dragonmech]]''': Dragonmech's setting used to be in Medieval Stasis, then chunks of the moon started to rain down on them along with Alien Moon Dragons riding the rocks down for a full-on invasion, people first hide underground but then a dwarf kickstarts the creation of Pacific Rim sized steampunk robots to fight the Dragons and the whole world is now in a full-on steam-powered Industrial Revolution without the gunpowder.
*'''[[Star Wars]]:''' After the Celestials fell, the Rakata developed significantly and only failed as they lost their connection to the force. After the Rakata collapse, technology advances with some anachronisms due to FTL travel being discovered early on through Rakatan and other ruins and slave revolts against the Rakata. This continues until the period between the start of the New Sith Wars (2000 BBBY) to the Ruusan Reformation (1000 BBY) (where everyone was too busy killing each other, even more so than usual), and after that technology actually ''does'' advance noticeably throughout Post-Reformation Old Republic and especially the prequels (32 BBY onward) all the way to the era of the Legacy comics (138 ABY). Hyperdrives improve (in speed, how small a craft they can fit in and how big a craft they can propel) at a much faster rate than they did in the 1000 years since the end of the dark age. It's not just direct improvements either, with new technologies like [[Android]]s, relatively cheap cloaking devices that don't require unobtainum, silent and invisible blasters, biological technology merged with mechanical tech, and more. Even military strategy changes significantly between back and forth transitions between symmetrical and asymmetrical warfare. Amazingly all this occurs organically as new technology is introduced to allow a plot and gets improved upon in future installments.
*'''[[Masque of the Red Death|Gothic Earth]]''': Perhaps the ultimate aversion as Gothic Earth follows real world technological history of tech development ''almost'' exactly, even stating players can only obtain certain items after a certain point in time. Ordinarily this wouldn't be notable, as Gothic Earth is still Earth, but [[RPGA|Living Death]] included some technology that was explicitly anachronistic, such as submarines capable of cross Atlantic voyages and long term submerging, and a few people who have lived somewhat longer.
*'''[[Discworld]]''': Entire ''Discworld'' novels revolve around a particular innovation that drastically changes how the Disc's society works: ''Moving Pictures'' - the movie camera, ''Soul Music'' - Rock N' Roll ("music with rocks in it"), ''The Truth'' - moveable type (i.e. the printing press, and with it, journalism), ''Going Postal'' - mail modernization and the telegraph, ''Making Money'' - paper money and modernized banking, ''Raising Steam'' - the steam engine.
*'''[[Arcanum]]''': The world of Arcanum is in the midst of an industrial revolution with an in-universe acknowledged past of Medieval Statis. What makes it particularly noteworthy is how it portrays the ever faster changing world pushing old fantasy norms and customs away, with Technology replacing Magic entirely.
[[Category:History]]
[[Category:Gamer Slang]]

The Lord of the Rings

2023-01-10T23:41:50Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* Amazon's Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power */

{{british}}
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[[Image:LotR.jpg|right|400px|thumb|Daddy's home]]
{{Topquote | There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year-old's life: ''The Lord of the Rings'' and ''Atlas Shrugged''. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs. | John Rogers}}

{{Topquote | It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.| Samwise "Sam" Gamgee, The Two Towers}}

'''''The Lord of the Rings''''', sometimes shortened to LotR, is the sequel to [[J. R. R. Tolkien]]'s ''[[The Hobbit]]''. He found that the setting he had built was far too interesting to abandon after a simplistic quest storyline, an experience common to modern [[GM]]s, and his publisher thought a new story in Middle-earth would be just as popular as ''The Hobbit'' (he was wrong; it proved ''more'' popular).

=The Books=
Because of its original publication scheme (the whole thing was too big for '50s era bookbinding techniques), LOTR is commonly, though erroneously, called a trilogy - it's technically ''six'' books, just bundled into three. Tolkien had wanted the whole thing to be one single, giant doorstopper, but he was talked out of that. Thus, we got three books:

*The Fellowship of the Ring
*The Two Towers
*The Return of the King

You have, of course, read them. If you haven't, gtfo and read them. And don't you even dare ''just'' watch the movies. Although amazing films, they aren't the same experience.

==The Story==
[[Image:LotR 1e.png|right|300px|thumb|The original [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|First Edition]] nerd book]]
If you're a filthy normie or you've been living on a cave on Mars with your fingers in your ears, here's a brief refresher:

Check [[The Silmarillion]] and [[The Hobbit]] to go in chronological order.

Bilbo Baggins, the protagonist of ''[[The Hobbit]]'', decides upon his 111th birthday to leave home and entrusts his magic ring to his nephew Frodo. Problem is, Gandalf the Grey, Bilbo's wizard friend, has figured out that something's off about the magic ring once he sees how Bilbo can barely bring himself to give it up; it is in fact the One Ring, an artifact created by Sauron, Lord of [[Mordor]] (and also Of The Rings), and contains a vast amount of his power. Its continued existence is a threat to the free peoples of Middle-earth and Gandalf exhorts Frodo to come to a meeting in Rivendell, house of the great elven lord Elrond, where a council of all the finest minds that can be brought together will determine what to do with it. Joined by his gardener Samwise and two fellow hobbits, Merry and Pippin, Frodo makes his way to Rivendell but not before running afoul of barrow-wights and Sauron's chief minions, the Nazgul, leading to him getting stabbed with a cursed sword by the lead Nazgul that would make him their wraith minion. Fortunately Elrond is also skilled in healing arts and magic and saves Frodo from the fate worse than death.

At the meeting, it is revealed that no mortal artifice can destroy the One Ring (demonstrated in the movie when Gimli shatters a weapon on the unassuming golden band). The only way to unmake it is to return it to the fires of Mount Doom where Sauron originally forged it. Unfortunately, Mount Doom is smack dab in the middle of Mordor and Gandalf can't ask his great eagle buddies to risk death by arrows, Fellbeasts (seriously, why does everyone forget that the bad guys could fly too?) or deadly volcanic gases to fly the ring to Mount Doom for him. Really though, stealth was the only realistic option, even if that meant hoofing it for months on end. And to make things more complicated, the ring itself is actively trying to get back into Sauron's hands, whether by alerting Sauron to its presence every time someone puts it on, outright manipulating people with promises of power, or just trying to GTFO the Bearer's person at every vaguely-plausible opportunity. Frodo agrees to bear the One Ring on its journey and a group is formed to escort him there. The party for this quest is called the Fellowship of the Ring and consists of:

*Frodo Baggins, the Ringbearer, hobbit;
*Samwise Gamgee, Paladin/gardener/Frodo's [[Gay|"best friend"]], hobbit;
*Meriadoc "Merry" Brandybuck, rogue, hobbit;
*Peregrin "Pippin" Took, bard, hobbit;
*Gandalf the Grey, wizard (one of the Istari, essentially an Angel in human guise, and on the same tier as Saruman, Sauron, and the Balrog);
*Aragorn, son of Arathorn, ranger, human of Númenorean descent and heir to the thrones of Arnor and Gondor;
*Boromir, son of Denethor, fighter, human;
*Legolas Greenleaf, son of Thranduil, archer, elf;
*Gimli, son of Glóin, fighter, dwarf;
[[file:Legolas.jpg|right|400px]]
So, off they go. After a few detours and sidetracks, the Fellowship is split into three (even though you should never split the party): Frodo and Sam go off directly to Mordor, as Frodo's the only one who really needs to go and Sam is too much of a bro to abandon him; Gandalf duels a primordial demon to the death (both their deaths, really) since he's the only one there powerful enough to stop it, but since he's a demigod on a divine mission [[skub|he gets to come back]]; Pippin and Merry are kidnapped by orcs but escape and wind up in Gondor, a formerly prosperous kingdom, and Rohan, a nation of Anglo-Saxons on horseback, respectively, after having adventures with Ents; Boromir dies in an ambush but has a pile of corpses to show for his troubles and gets a river funeral; Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli form a Human-Elf-Dwarf triple threat team, ostensibly to find and rescue Merry and Pippin, but end up travelling across two different kingdoms and fucking evil's shit up for the rest of the story, with Gimli as Dennis Rodman.

Despite having their own problems to contend with, somehow the members of the divided Fellowship seem to get involved with everyone else's mess and need to sort shit out. Their list of game achievements include, but are not limited to: surviving a ruined [[Dwarf Fortress|dwarf city]] filled with an insane number of goblins and a big motherfucking demon lord with weapons made of fire (the backstory behind this inspired the aforementioned game); foiling the plans of Gandalf's wicked wizard counterpart and his orc army; saving not one but two human nations (and the entire world for that matter); winning a whole campaign's worth of scenarios and battles; and defeating the big bad evil guy of the setting (that is currently not imprisoned off the edge of the world, his old boss had a bigger resume) with enough time to go home for tea and crumpets.

Finally, after going around the most fuck-me way possible to get into Mordor (partially due to bad directions from Gollum, who was conflicted with his addictive desire for the Ring, and an encounter with the [[Arachnarok Spiders|giant spider]]/spider-demon hybrid Shelob), Frodo reaches Mount Doom and is about to drop the ring into the lava when he can no longer resist the ring's allure. Just as it had done at the end of the Second Age when it stopped Isildur from destroying it, the ring saved its existence from certain doom. But in an ironic twist, the ring's former owner Gollum attacks Frodo for it and bites it off of his finger, dances about happily, and falls into the lava, just as both Frodo and the ring itself had warned what would happen if Gollum betrayed him and tried to take the ring. With the ring destroyed, Sauron's power is all but gone forevermore and his armies scatter. The eagles can swoop in for MEDEVAC, getting Frodo and Sam back to civilization to rest and recover before the hobbits return to the Shire.

But wait! The Shire's under new management, Chief Sharkey. Frodo and company help the hobbits rise up against Sharkey, who turns out to be Saruman, who has committed his greatest evil yet by trying to industrialize The Shire out of spiteful revenge. Frodo allows Saruman to leave the Shire, but his put-upon minion Gríma Wormtongue slits his throat (and is then riddled with arrows, nicely tying up that loose end). After compiling his memoirs and still feeling pain from the Nazgul attack all the way at the beginning of his journey, Frodo travels to the Grey Havens and is allowed to sail into the West, where he may find relief from his pain. The story ends on a bittersweet note as Sam (arguably the story's true protagonist and MVP of the closing chapters) finally settles back home with his family, writing the final pages to the Baggins' family saga.

Final apocrypha detail the fates of the characters, notably Sam goes west following his wife's death as he was a brief ringbearer (leaving the Red Book to his daughter and son-in-law), Merry and Pippin retire after lengthy political careers and witnessing Eomer's death before dying in Gondor, Aragorn cleans up the remaining orcs and makes peace with human servants of Sauron, has a son and some daughters with Arwen and dies of old age, followed by Arwen a year later. Gimli and Legolas go west after Aragorn's death, presumably along with the final few Elves who were getting their affairs in order before leaving Middle Earth, leaving humans as the dominant power of the Fourth Age and the Dwarves apparently peacefully dying out after reclaiming lost homes.

==The Expanded Canon==

Besides the LOTR trilogy and the Hobbit, there are a few other books about Middle Earth. Many of them were published after Tolkien's death, but were personally edited by his son to make them available to the public. While none of these books are strictly need-to-know material, they can be thought of as great fluff books full of additional stories that flesh out the setting.

*[[The Silmarillion]] - This was an abridged history of Middle Earth, from its creation to the War of the Ring. Here you'll find more information about Sauron and the creation of the One Ring, as well as epic tales of both elvish and human heroes from the First Age, the sociopathic Elf King Fëanor who played right into Melkor's (Middle-Earth's Satan and Sauron's boss) schemes, the rise and fall of <s>Atlantis</s> Numenor, the War of the Last Alliance, and other things. Many people complain about the Silmarillion being too dry and reading like a history book (which is what it is, to be fair); if you’re looking for a ''novel'' - read on.
* Children of Hurin - published after Tolkein’s death, it is also the only complete novel covering one of the First Age stories in the Silmarillion. This covers the tragic story of Turin Tarambar, Tolkein’s version of Kullervo, and how Morgoth cursed him and his family to a fate worse than death. Still an epic adventure that fits well into the Legendarium.
*Unfinished Tales - As the name implies, these are narrative scraps which Tolkien hadn't completed before his death. Christopher Tolkien published this mess of notes on his way to completing two of the Tales (which he hadn't dared, himself, at the time). This book includes longer versions of lore mentioned in the trilogy, such as Isildur's death, the origin of the Wizards, and the founding of Rohan. And draughts of those ''Hurin'' and ''Gondolin'' stories which Chris would fill in, and publish, (much) later. But not ''Beren''.
*The Adventures of Tom Bombadil - Poetry centered around Tom Bombadil, who is best described as Middle Earth's equivalent of a Monty Python sketch. He's actually in the first LOTR book but is so carefree and oblivious to the War of the Ring that he's not terribly important despite being implied to be powerful enough to kick Sauron in the balls an walk away without a scratch.
*The History of Middle Earth - A 13 volume series detailing the creation of Tolkien's mythology, includes early drafts and unused stories. Here's where ''Beren'' is first floated, as a poem; and the first (maybe best) ''Fall of Gondolin''. While the early material here isn't considered canon, some very interesting revelations appear here:
:*Originally, Tolkien wanted to claim that he only "discovered" the stories about Middle Earth from a book he translated.
:*Which book, you may ask? Why, just a copy of the [[wikipedia:Red Book of Westmarch|Red Book of Westmarch]]. Also known as that book Frodo and Bilbo were writing as the story progresses. This is because...
:*[http://www.tolkiengateway.net/wiki/The_Lost_Road Middle Earth is actually our Earth.] [[wat|From before the Ice Age]] (hey, if Robert Howard could do the "lost era of history" story for [[Kull]] and [[Conan the Barbarian]], then so can Tolkien).
:*[http://www.tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Athrabeth_Finrod_ah_Andreth And that First Age humans predicted the birth of Jesus Christ] (though not in explicit terms). Did we mention Tolkien was Catholic?

==The Cancelled Sequel==
Yes, you're reading that right. After the Lord of the Rings was all wrapped up, Tolkien did at one point feel the "sequel itch" and considered doing a follow-up set in the Fourth Age that would have included the son of Faramir, and with the villains being a cult of Sauron fanboys. But, recognizing that following up the epicness of Lord of the Rings with a much more minor threat was almost certainly not going to work, his heart just wasn't in it and he quickly gave up on the idea. Tellingly, despite how much subsequent creators have wanted to tell their own stories in Middle-Earth, none have yet to try and take Tolkien's discarded 4th Age story ideas and run with them (probably because they've come to the same conclusions about it that he did).

=A Mythology for England?=
Now, you might be wondering why Tolkien bothered to do all of this in the first place. What motivated him? The answer is generally held to be, that he wanted to give England its own mythology. Tolkien had noticed that almost all other civilizations had them: Greek Mythology, Egyptian Mythology, Norse Mythology, Native American Mythologies, etc. But England seemed to be the exception. So Tolkien took the Thanos approach and decided "Fine, I'll do it myself". And the rest is history.

What this means though, is that Middle-Earth is technically not a fantasy setting totally separate from real life in the way that something like [[Warcraft|Azeroth]] or [[Pathfinder|Golarion]] is. It ''is'' our world, but in a distant past that's details were ultimately lost to time, causing it to become legend. This is an aspect of the franchise that's often overlooked, but it is there when you remember what Middle-Earth was intended to be for Jolly Old England. Tolkien intended to run with the idea even further, tying Middle Earth to Dark Ages Europe where a 5th century Welsh mariner discovers Tol Eressia and learns of the ancient shared history of the elves and men, as well as tying in existing legends like Saint Brendan's voyage. The novels that we have today (The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and the Silmarillion) were to be surviving stories from this forgotten age, either being retold by ancient Welsh explorers or directly copied from the Red Book of Westmarch. He also considered having Eru (the God of the setting), pulling a Jesus and appearing on Middle-Earth in mortal form, but discarded this idea for being a little too on the nose. Instead this is merely implied in a conversation between Elves and Men as being the reason behind the strange gifts and fate Eru assigned to men.

This ''also'' makes the Tolkien Purist's insistence on absolute, 100% fidelity to the source material at all times somewhat ironic, since that isn't how mythologies work: they change with each subsequent retelling. So we should really be a lot more accepting of changes to lo--{{BLAM|HERESY!}}

Do note that in modern scholarship, the question of Tolkien's purpose in writing the ''Lord of the Rings'' and the wider ''Silmarillion'' is up for debate. Many believe that Tolkien's work evolved away from the "mythology for England" origin after his failure to get ''The Silmarillion'' published, and that Tolkien had left-wing anarchist viewpoint be anathema to the modern fanbase that glorifies monarchism, racism, and Eurocentrism. Fans generally argue that such people are full of shit and only making these radical claims in the interests of getting published and securing tenure.

=Legacy=
[[Image:Tolkien with pipe.jpg|right|300px|thumb|The man himself]]
It's commonly accepted that the Lord of the Rings invented modern fantasy fiction, as everybody basically used it as a template for most, if not all, future stories that involved anything more than Knights, princesses, and dragons. That being said, most people tend to only pick up the surface elements of the stories without the nuances they originally came with, either to fit their own stories or because they just thought, "hey, orcs are cool, imma add them to my campaign." One example is that despite everyone basing [[elves]] on Tolkien's interpretation rather than the more pixie-like versions of previous generations, most stories' elves are universally depicted as arrogant and smug racists who were almost as commonplace as humans, whereas Tolkien hewed closer to the original mythological version of an alien, isolationist, though not outright hostile people, who seldom interacted with mortals (it helped that any racial supremacist tendencies they once had were basically stomped out of them after getting their asses kicked in the First Age, with humans giving them most of their support). On top of that, the books are pretty clear that Elven immortality isn't all sunshine and rainbows, as they are doomed to fade into wraiths unless they travel to the Undying Lands.

Even in his time, while Tolkien maintained a strong correspondence with his fans (he wrote enough letters that they essentially became a supplement on the Lord of the Rings stories), he felt that a lot of people simply didn't ''get'' his stories. Hippies declared Frodo to be an anti-establishment hero, despite Tolkien himself being strongly conservative and the story containing an explicitly pro-monarchy plot point in Aragorn's ascension. On the other end of the spectrum, Tolkien has also been a sadly popular target for accusations of racism even though his letters made his utter hatred for Hitler and Nazism pretty clear and he also explicitly rejected "race doctrine", to say nothing for things in the books themselves that contradict the charge, such as the Haradrim being respected by Gondor and Rohan, who make peace with them after the War of the Ring, Númenor's society going to shit the more oppressive of other men they became, and a dead Haradrim being shown sympathy by Sam (Faramir in the movie). People would claim it to be an allegory of WWII and nuclear war, despite being based on his own personal experiences during WWI (he also hated allegories in general). And if he were alive today, he'd probably call the travesty that was the Hobbit trilogy (see below) the very "disneyfied" crap that he sought to avoid. [https://limyaael.livejournal.com/181634.html/ Here's a list] of fantasy cliches attributed to Tolkien that are actually misrepresentations of what he wrote because the authors would miss the point.

All that being said, the influence of his books can't be denied. The funny thing though, is that despite being a source of inspiration for Dungeons and Dragons (one could argue that DnD codified fantasy tropes moreso than LOTR, but that's for another time), the actual story of the Lord of the Rings wouldn't make for a great roleplaying campaign; rewards for battles are scant, the vast majority of enemies are orcs, orcs, and more orcs <s>with a dash of goblins</s> that's just another term for orcs, the actual fighting done by Aragorn's team is of secondary importance to Frodo's mission to destroy the ring, Sauron never appears in the flesh so there's no final boss, etc. A webcomic called "[http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=612 DM of the Rings]" explores this concept quite humorously, as the tension between the player characters (as Aragorn's party) and the DM shows how frustrated they get when the story doesn't meet their hack-and-slash expectations.

To give a short list, Tolkien basically gave us:
*[[Orcs]]
*[[Halfling]]s
*[[Treeman|Ents]]
*[[BBEG|Dark Lords]]
*[[Half-elves]], though they weren't considered a distinct species. There's only a handful of them, and they have to decide whether to have the fate of the elves (immortality, but you have to go to the Undying Lands or become a wraith) or the fate of men (mortality, but you get a super-secret afterlife that not even the Valar know about, and in the meanwhile are free from Fate and able to do what you like with the time you have). This part never seemed to catch on.
*[[Elves]] as beautiful pointy-eared superhumans; while not explicitly codified as of yet, we also got High Elves in the Noldor and Wood Elves in the Sindar. No Dark elves yet though (unless you count those Avari guys who sat by a lake); that would be the [[Drow]].
*[[Dwarves]] as a proud warrior race rather than just short greedy bastards. <s>Note that the Scottish accent wasn't tacked on until the New Line films.</s> Not even then; the most prominent Dwarves in all six films are Gimli, played by John Rhys-Davies, and Thorin, played by Richard Armitage, who speak with their actors' native Welsh and Yorkshire accents respectively. Scottish Dwarves do exist in the franchise, but it's not mainstream - the Dwarven accents are drawn from a wide UK spectrum. Scottish Dwarves are popular in fantasy games, World of Warcraft being perhaps the most prominent example, but even the Tolkien-esque Warhammer Fantasy has Yorkshire Dwarfs (with some exceptions).
*The [[Ranger]] archetype (historical note: actual rangers were just guys hired to keep poachers off a nobleman's land, the idea of an outdoorsy type of tracker/scout/soldier didn't exist until the 17th century.)
*Mixed race, mixed class adventuring parties.
*A "Three Age" structure to history, with the earlier ages being more legendary and mythological than the more mundane later ages. (Though Greek mythology had similar ideas).
*[[Mithril]] {NOT Mythril, a name used in various other books and games to avoid copyright infringement}, a super-strong, super-light metal. Like aluminum, if aluminum were also indestructible.
* Balors and Bloodthirsters...sort of. See, Balrogs are pretty clearly where the latter came from as "super powerful demonic monsters with horns, bat wings on the back, and wielding a weapon in each hand". Since Tolkien owned the rights to the name "Balrog", the folks at TSR, Wizards, GW, and elsewhere needed to get creative, thus giving us those other super-demons.

==The Radio Drama==
Long before there was ever any real chance of getting movie adaptations, the Lord of the Rings was adapted for radio by (naturally) the BBC. Largely forgotten nowadays, but before the PJ movies came out, this was basically as good as it got as far as adaptations went (as well as being the only one made during Tolkien's lifetime, which allowed him to give feedback).

==The Movies (and one TV show)==
===Old School===
There had been some talk about a film adaptation through the 50s through the early 70s (including with ''The Beatles'' trying to be the Hobbit quartet!), but it largely did not go anywhere. Mostly because doing it justice in live action was waaay beyond what could be reasonably done in 1960 (large-scale Medieval battles were one thing, but unless you fancy the thought of a claymation Balrog, the more fantastical elements would have never looked good).

[[Ralph Bakshi]] made an animated film based off the Fellowship of The Ring and the first half of The Two Towers, which was released in 1978. The resulting film was trippy, to say the least. It has a lot of weird animation with massive amounts of [[wikipedia:Rotoscoping|rotoscoping]], although it does work from time to time. It also decided to make adjustments and stay faithful to the text in the oddest ways. Many lines of dialogue were taken from the books word for word, with enough cut out so that you don't know what they are talking about and it does not come across as natural conversation; for example, Saruman declares himself Saruman of Many Colors without explaining the name change, but they decide to make a prince of Gondor (the largest and greatest civilization in Middle-earth at the time) dress like a Wagner opera viking. While it does have some good points here and there the end result both leaves you both weirded out and bored unless you are really into that era of animation.

It's worth noting that, despite his reputation, some of the weirdness of the movie is not actually due to Bakshi. Executive meddling was ''rampant'' during the production, one of the most infamous examples of which is with Saruman. Midway through, execs decided that Saruman sounded too much like Sauron and would confuse audiences, so they went behind Bakshi's back and had the VAs start referring to him as "Aruman" instead. [[derp|Without redubbing the lines that had already been recorded up to that point]]. Bakshi didn't find out until it was too late to fix, and as a result characters throughout the movie alternate between Saruman and Aruman. In spite of it's shortcomings it did do reasonably well at the box office ($33.7 Million at the box office for the US, UK and Canada against it's $4.5 million budget) which if nothing else got some film and tv execs to think "okay, maybe there is some money in these fairy-tales-for-grown-ups".

Rankin Bass produced a Return of the King animated film in 1980, a made for TV movie which didn't have near the budget. It traded in some of the trippiness (even if it does have Orcs transforming into Coutimundis) for being more mundanely bad and getting pushed into the animation age ghetto, since again, it was made for TV not theaters in an age when censorship ran strong. They couldn't even allow for people getting hit with swords onscreen. That's not even mentioning how much they cut, up to and including ''entire characters'' (like Legolas and Gimli), and giving Theoden one of the lamest deaths in animation movie history.

However, even though it's hard to deny the movie as a whole is objectively bad, there are a few gems in Rankin Bass's Return of the King that rival, or are arguably even ''better'' than the Jackson movies. Sam's portrayal in particular is very good (certainly ''leagues'' better than in the Bakshi version, as low a bar as that might be), showing him as a strong and fearless friend, and one of the only people in all Middle Earth ''ever'' to hold an awakened One Ring in his hand, in Morder where it's at its most powerful, took the best shot it could hit him with, [[awesome|and told the Ring to fuck off]]. The portrayal of the Ring itself is also quite good, with it having a much more active malign influence than it does in the Jackson films. The Ring doesn't just passively corrupt people, it ''tempts'' them, feeding those who hold it visions of all the things they could do with it, all the power they could have, and it even delivers a taste of that power, with a weakened and exhausted Frodo able to stand strong and confident just by holding the Ring, enough to even scare the shit out of Gollum.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr_rb_pitHk If you are curious about the Bakshi film and have an hour to kill, Dan Olson has a pretty good video essay on the subject]

===The Peter Jackson Trilogy===
But those two movies are footnotes compared to the ones that you have most likely seen, those being Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy. By far the most financially successful and critically acclaimed fantasy films of all time, including winning Best Picture at the Academy Awards, which generally go for historical pieces and similar, not fantasy or sci-fi. It helped bring fantasy to mainstream audiences and probably why many of you are you are here now. It has massive battles made possible by groundbreaking special effects technology. The films also have incredible amounts of attention to detail to bring the world of Middle-earth to life. While some changes were made (as was inevitable in adaptation), many of them were for the better such as developing Aragorn as a character rather than just a mythic archetype, making Arwen an actual character, and having Gollum being accidentally thrown into Mount Doom fighting with Frodo over the One Ring. [[This Guy|In short what happens when you get a lot of skilled passionate people together to make something they love come to life.]] [[Skub|Though apparently Tolkien's son really hated the movies for some reason (Probably for personal reasons as the original books were written in part for him. Ostensibly it was because of the films emphasis on action setpieces etc. as opposed to the more “low-key” elements of world-building etc.)]]. Nowadays the films continue to enjoy a great reputation apart from the folks who refuse to abide even the tiniest changes made to the source material.

PJ followed this up with a series on ''[[The Hobbit]]'', which we handle in its own [[skub|totally unbiased and sober]] page [[The Hobbit|here]].

===Amazon's Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power===
{{Fail}}{{HurfDurf}}

{{Topquote|There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of man for this treachery.|Tolkien fans}}

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{{Topquote|There can be no trust between hammer and rock. Eventually, one or the other must surely break.|Durin, accurately describing the relationship between Amazon and the fans}}
{{Topquote|Give me the meat, and give it to me raw!|Durin, speaking to Elrond once he got away from his wife}}

'''TL;DR:''' Amazon's made a new show that, due to their own actions and statements, basically killed any goodwill long-time fans may have had towards it before before the first episode aired. It's been to ''Lord of the Rings'' what ''Netflix's Cowboy Bebop'' was to ''Cowboy Bebop.''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">

Half a decade after ''The Hobbit'' trilogy's derpy conclusion, Amazon announced, with much fanfare, that they were going to make a streaming series based on Tolkien's Legendarium. Given the unreadable and generally obscure nature of the subject to mainstream audiences (moviegoers), fans reacted with wary interest and curiosity. The Second Age, while at least being somewhat familiar as the backstory to LOTR and given five minutes of depiction in the film's prologue, only takes up two chapters in the Silmarillion. That excitement quickly devolved into seething irritation and [[Rage|rage]]. This began at the first major warning sign; the firing of Amazon's resident Tolkien consultant Tom Shippey (a British medievalist who has written six books and several academic papers on Tolkien's work, who even met and worked with Tolkien himself at the same university) and subsequent replacement by someone far less qualified, far less experienced and heavily invested in [[SJW|modern identity politics]]. Combined with this happening shortly after the death of Christopher Tolkien - the one person in the Tolkien estate protective of his father's work - it was clear there was an agenda. More bad news came out soon after; Amazon '''didn't actually have the rights to any of the Legendarium works'''. They had spent several hundred million dollars only buying rights to the names, people, and events named in the Appendices, and are unable to reference anything else.

Worse, it was revealed the showrunners had no screenwriting or directing credits to their name, only being hired after J.J. Abrams vouched for them. Their most famous work was uncredited rewrites to "punch up" the script of ''[[Star Trek|Star Trek: Into Darkness]]''. Even if they were willing to write whatever Amazon demanded of them, it was seen as bizarre for Amazon to risk their literally billion-dollar investment on completely amateur leaders. One can only assume it was done to spite the showrunners originally attached to the project, who had been fired by Amazon Studio head Jennifer Salke and went on to produce the critically acclaimed ''[[A Song of Ice and Fire|House of the Dragon]]''. Several of the main actors themselves were either inexperienced or complete newcomers, most noticeable with the actress playing Galadriel. Supposedly, ''The Rings of Power'' was the product of Jeff Bezos wanting to have his own ''Game of Thrones'' for Prime Streaming. There were rumors that the show would be incredibly violent and gratuitously sexual (early in production people spotted a job posting for an intimacy coordinator, and there's only one reason why you'd hire such a person), in stark contrast to Tolkien's works, and many expected the worst.

The final nail in the coffin were Amazon's announcements that they wanted to "adapt" and [[SJW|˝modernize˝]] Tolkien's work for the present-day. This proved that the ''Rings of Power'' was a prestige product for some studio suits and amateur writers rather than a passionate or faithful adaptation of Tolkien's work. [[Skub|They revealed black elves, black/brown Numenoreans]], black and [[Derp|'''beardless''']] dwarf women, and even [[What|multi-hued hobbits]] that weren't even supposed to exist in the Second Age. Worse, it all looked cheap and lazy and was promoted by paid actors pretending to be "superfans" of Tolkien who could only speak diversity, equity, and inclusion catchphrases. The backlash to the "superfans" trailers (they made multiple trailers for multiple regions in different languages with different actors all speaking from the same general script) was so bad that Amazon chose to unlist the videos from Youtube and Prime.

''Rings of Power'' launched in direct competition with ''House of the Dragon'' and initial audience reception was not good. Despite '''literally paying''' for millions of premiere viewers by virtue of paying movie theaters to play episodes 1 and 2 for free, viewer numbers entered freefall with subsequent episodes and reviews were consistently, though not universally, negative among the audience. Critics were more favorably disposed to it, though even they were not particularly flattering unless they were reviewing for dedicated entertainment sites like IGN, in which case the show could do no wrong. Many of the initial reviews focused on the leaden acting and terrible writing, grave sins for anyone who'd watched Peter Jackson's trilogy or the original books (though perhaps it suited material allegedly based on ''The Silmarillion'') and the show's absolutely obvious cheapness; despite spending a rumored $60 million per episode, sets were often empty of crowds, costumes were noticeably bad, and CGI was glaringly obvious.

The most significant fan complaints were:
* The show is as full of "memberberries" as a plum pudding is full of figs. Despite being enjoined from referencing Peter Jackson's films because they don't have the rights to them, Amazon lifted a surprising amount of content directly from those films rather than from anything Tolkien wrote, especially in terms of visual design, dialogue, and shots. Galadriel's monologue when confronted with the One Ring, Gandalf being thrown around by an evil wizard using their staff, and the injection of the <s>hobbits</s> HARFOOTS were all largely seen as callbacks to the far more well-received films.
*Lots of the show actually end up being shockingly boring. There are large swaths of the plot where just nothing of any significance happens. One moment aside (the time Disa sings to the rock in a religious ceremony, which is admittedly a really cool scene and the only time the show manages to grasp an inkling of Tolkiens magic), a lot of time is spent on following up on the mystery boxes, intercut with action setpieces that at best have minimal stakes and at worst are completely nonsensical. Given how much of the dyanmics that are supposed to be established here end up going nowhere and/or are outright ignored/contradicted by the time of the finale, one has to wonder why the showrunners even spent time on these plotlines.
* Any character actually named after one of Tolkien's characters is unrecognizable in the show. The most prominent example is Galadriel, transformed from a wise and regal queen of unearthly power to a bloodthirsty, rude warrior maiden who only cares about hunting down Sauron, only to be seduced by his comely human disguise instead. She also never gives a mention or thought to her conspicuously absent husband Celeborn when starting to yield to "Halbrand's" charm. Elendil the Tall and his sons are not spared, being depicted as incompetent and cowardly men who only succeed through the intervention of powerful women. And so on.
** Some see Galadriel as emblematic of the problems with ''Rings of Power'', especially after a finale where she is arguably to blame for Sauron falling BACK into evil and allowing him to flee to Mordor to forge the One Ring; a finale where Galadriel comes up with the idea of Three Elven Rings (and only Elven, the lesser races don't deserve them); and a finale where Galadriel nearly kills Celebrimbor rather than Sauron because she cannot stand to have her mistakes thrown in her face. None of the majesty or wisdom supposedly held by Galadriel as the greatest of the Noldor in Middle-Earth is evident.
* Amazon's pre-release media blitz had also contained the uncomfortable reveal that, rather than attempt to adapt centuries of conflict between the corruption and fall of Numenor and the Last Alliance, Amazon had decided to create a story that would encompass the broad themes of the Second Age while taking place over a recognizably human lifespan so that they wouldn't need to cast new actors every season. This Amazon-original plot, being led by inexperienced and bottom-barrel showrunners, would bastardize Tolkien's stories in stupendously stupid ways.
** The elves of Middle-Earth, or at least the Noldor, and all their works are being corrupted and worn down by a dark entropy, the product of "light of Valar" deficiency. Without the "light," the elves are no longer immortal, immune to disease and the ravages of age, and all they have touched can be worn away by time and biology. There is only one cure: Mithril, the fossilized fallout of a battle between an Elflord and Durin's Bane where the Elf channeled all the "light" within his being into one of the Silmarils that was hidden in a tree that Durin's Bane really wanted to burn down with the flame of Udun. As they poured their energies into the tree, a lightning bolt struck and caused the Silmaril to explode. That explosion turned the tree's roots into mithril; a substance "[[Derp|as pure and light as good and as strong and unyielding as evil]]." Somehow, Gil-Galad and Celebrimbor not only know that the dwarves of Moria have discovered and started mining mithril, they also know it's the only thing that can give the elves their immortality back if they don't want to go back to Valinor. And they better get the dwarves to mine it as quick as they can; without it, they'll all be consumed by the darkness.
** The Downfall of Numenor is supposed to be one of the major stories of the Second Age and the archetypical mythic tragedy; the show drastically rewrites this story, in part because of the time compression, but also they manage to inject some modern politics into it as well and strip out much of the nuances that it had, as well as making the Kings Men’s motivations and actions more confusing. What’s supposed to happen is that the Kings of Numenor slowly get corrupted over the course of centuries by greed and pride and turn into warmongering Imperialists, and they are jealous of the elves’ immortality; this would lead them to becoming tyrants and eventually falling for Sauron’s deceptions. Instead, we have an isolationist kingdom with no army, who hate elves because they TURK OUR JERBS and a made-up prophecy about an elf causing the downfall of their kingdom (instead of the literal human sacrifice and enslavement). They only started returning to middle earth because Galadriel told them to go save an inconsequential human village that maybe had Sauron there. And there’s no explanation as to why they turned out this way since none of the original motivations are present.
** In the finale, Celebrimbor is incapable of doing anything with the mithril (about a fistfuls-worth) until Sauron tells him to "seduce" the ore with lesser, gentler metals and alloys. Once Sauron's love confession is rejected by Galadriel, she comes up with the brilliant idea to forge 3 rings so that all elves could partake of mithril's effects without falling under their dominion.
* Albino, white-robed orcs enslaving and oppressing a black elf and black/brown humans, though they also enslave white elves and humans, but unlike elves and humans there are no black/brown orcs. Also the humans that end up siding with Adar really don't like elves and even use slurs like "knife-ear." Real subtle.
* Writing-related complaints range from the very recognizable Bad Robot disregard for realistic timetables (remember how people seemed to just teleport everywhere at will in ''Into Darkness'' or in ''The Last Jedi''?) to bad pacing and completely incongruous scene length (the forging of the rings is less than a minute long, while hobbits get an entire quarter of the episode for a single scene) to audience whiplash as characters shift and change personalities and motivations multiple times within the same episode.
** Even worse, the dialogue lacks any of the poetry of Tolkien's prose unless it's plagiarizing his work. When left to the writer's room, it ranges from clunky and serviceable to laughably bad. The worst offender in this regard is the very un-subtle moment where some Numenorean men complain that, thanks to the <s>Elves</s> '''knife-ears''' being immortal, [[/pol/|"they took our darn jobs!"]]
**While we weren't expecting the most tightly written story given how light the source material is, its clear that the showrunners didn't grasp the most important aspect in Tolkein's writing; the use of theme and how every detail builds up huge core ideas in the narrative. Instead, everything that happens happens because the plot demands it, even at the expense of previous characterization. One easy example is the Harfoots, who we're told all support one another, but because we have to create drama for the harfoot plotline, are constantly leaving people on their own to die anytime they run into trouble. It's ironic that they were included solely because the showrunners thought that the were the heart and soul of Middle Earth, when audiences have largely rejected the Harfoots as bunch of [[Kender|filthy little psychopaths]].
* Production-related complaints largely focus on the cheapness of the show despite its astonishing budget. It seemed that there was little effort in reshooting or editing anything that should have otherwise gone in a blooper reel (chainmail t-shirts were the cause of several wardrobe malfunctions in the last half of the show) or that looked incredibly awkward once CGI backgrounds and lighting were applied. Cast sizes in scenes was noticeably small, and battles were never well-done or lasted long. It doesn't help that ''House of the Dragon'' manages to feel greater in scope and scale but with a third of Amazon's reported budget and that the costume lead-designer reportedly designed the armour around wanting to challenge cosplayers (as if to make his own incompetency any less obvious).

If you aren't a complete hater on the show, you may consider the CGI landscapes [[Skub|beautiful, and enjoy the score that apes and imitates but never reaches the level of the score of Peter Jackson's film trilogy, and believe that the references and callbacks to actual Tolkien lore are fun to see (although many of the show's lore references are likely to confuse newbies as they're hardly explained well, and those who do know the are likely to rage due to the immense retconning). After all, when else will you hear the word Silmaril being spoken on-screen?]] Alternatively, you could also [[SJW|call anyone that dislikes the show "patently evil"]] and argue they should be disregarded. ''Rings of Power'' is contracted for multiple seasons, so it's likely to be with us for a long, long time. That being said, by the time of the finale, the ratings had dropped to catastrophic levels and even many media outlets who gave the show a chance had to admit that it was a flop. So much so that rumors abound of Amazon discreetly sidelining Payne & McKay for more competent showrunners, while desperately trying to convince audiences that season 2 will be better we promise.

Update: Some of the negative backlash seemed to have reached Amazon HQ, who responded by putting out a statement that the show would go into season 2 with an all-female directors team (direction wasn't the issue, the writing was) and Adars actor (i.e. the only guy to gave a decent performance) dropping out of the show for good. So it seems that Amazon seems to prefer to pander to progressive audiences instead of actually fixing the story, which bodes ill for the show going forward.
</div>
</div>

==MERP(S)==
Over the 1980s <strike>immigration-control</strike> Iron Crown Enterprises put out the [[Middle-Earth Role Playing]] (System). Lots of sourcebooks for the setting. Generally considered good if quite crunchy (unsurprising, since it was based off [[Rolemaster]]). Sadly enough no longer in print.

Unwin did a massive map extending Middle-Earth east and south. Here we got the Stormshadow Mountain Kingdoms, Lands of the Broken Moon, Kingdoms of the Cloud Forests and other hippie bullshit that northern Californians think up after huffing the bong. Nobody considers this map to be canon.

==Of course GW couldn't let such a profitable venture pass them by...==
Back in the early 2000s, [[GW]] made a tabletop game based around this premise and called it [[The Lord of the Rings Strategy Battle Game]]. Because they ran out of short titles.

In a peculiar way, this was GW coming full circle. They began by making miniatures for D&D (which as stated above, heavily borrowed from LOTR) before morphing into Warhammer.

While it let you play out your favorite scenes from the movies (in the way YOU imagined them going), it failed to light the world on fire. Likely because it lacks any of the batshit awesome insanity of their own IPs. However, GeeDubs has kept on truckin' with this line regardless of cost, eventually offloading it onto [[Forge World]] to work on in between releases for [[Blood Bowl]] and [[Necromunda]].

==The Last Ringbearer ==
Of course, there is always some weird thing people will do with an original work of an author. If we're to believe the fan fiction authors, all the characters of the novel were fucking each other so hard it's a wonder they were able to waddle out of Rivendell.

Some of them, [[SJW|for various]] [[Edgy|reasons]], even flip the script by changing the villains to heroes and/or the heroes to villains. Such is the nature of The Last Ringbearer, a book written by this Russian named Kirill Eskov. Its supposed to be an alternate take on LOTR, and has plot points ranging from The One Ring being a red herring, the Nazgul being enlightened philosopher scientists, and Mordor being an industrialized society torn apart by unsophisticated luddites for no reason other than elf bigotry. We hear that pirate translations exist, including into English. But we could never condone reading such trash, especially when they suck as bad as this did. LotR copyright expires 2043 which may be just long enough for this abortion of a "book" to fall into the pages of obscurity.

The Last Ringbearer was officially published in the legal vacuum that followed the fall of the Soviet Union, which also allowed assorted other unauthorized revisions and sequels to be published. Making it either a cash-grab or an attempt to make LOTR-based Soviet propaganda. Among those are the Ring of Darkness by Nick Perumov (a Fourth Age story where the Big Bad Evil Guy collects the rings of the Nazgul to become a great conqueror, and a Hobbit fighter clad in mithril armor endeavors to stop him) and the Black Book of Arda by Natalia Vasilieva (an alternate take on the Silmarillion where the original evil Melkor is a nice guy).

... so. How about An Archive Of Our Own.

==Video Games==

While nowhere near what you see with Star Wars, Middle-Earth has still netted a fair number of video games for itself. A lot of this has to do with the aforementioned Peter Jackson movies, which also came out in an era when licensed movie video games were still common. Since the Lord of the Rings movies actually fit the video game format better than, say, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Golden Compass, and Disney's Bolt (all of which also got video game tie-ins) they were some of the rare few licensed video games of the era that are actually playable. Eventually, the merchandise explosion generated by the movie's success died down, and with it way fewer video games came out, but there have still been a few. Some of the more notable video games are listed below:

* The Hobbit: This one is one of the very first notable Middle-Earth video games, coming out around the time the PJ Lord of the Rings movie trilogy was wrapping up, which was still many years off from the movie adaptation of the Hobbit. As such it's based off of the book and not those later, skubby films (for the best, most would say).
* The Two Towers and Return of the King: The main movie tie-in games, with the first really adapting Fellowship ''and'' The Two Towers despite the title. Easily among the top tier of licensed movie tie-in games (which admittedly isn't saying much). Mostly revolve around the Big 3 of Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli, but in Two Towers you could also unlock Isildur (who basically plays as a maxed out Aragorn), and in Return of the King Gandalf and Sam joined the main character roster, with Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Faramir all being unlockable (sadly, no playable Eowyn).
* The Third Age: Sort of based off of the Peter Jackson movie trilogy, but with a twist: you play as a team of [[Original character, do not steal|characters made for the game]]. Said characters are actually very, very stock overall, but the game boasts some solid customization for all of them, and Final Fantasy-esque turn based combat and some pretty good special effects and graphics for the time. So basically a Lord of the Rings game in the style of something like Final Fantasy VII, but with far less memorable characters. Either one of the best LotR games ever or a dumb idea, depending on who you ask.
** The Third Age (GBA): Gameboy version. Basically a totally different game from the above despite sharing a title. Here you go through the major (and minor) battles of the trilogy via turn-based gameplay, with Good and Evil each having their own campaigns that are actually just the same missions (meaning there are cases where a level that's easy for one side will be hard as hell for the other). Before starting the campaign, you pick a major hero who sticks with you the whole way through. Good can choose between Aragorn, Gandalf, and Elrond, and Evil can choose between the Witch-King, Saruman, and the Mouth of Sauron.
* Battle for Middle-Earth Duology: Some real-time strategy Lord of the Rings games, and easily one of the better things EA ever did. Really, given how perfectly suited to the genre Lord of the Rings is, one wonders why more of these haven't been made. First one follows the events of the main trilogy and has fixed resource areas and build zones, while the second game has more flexible building-harvesting system based on map area control. The latter also deals with the battles in the North only somewhat touched on in Tolkien's novels, making it a blend both aesthetically and story-wise of the movies and books. The studio that made these was, together with their engine, subsumed by Westwood to assist in developing the awesome-as-heck Command & Conquer 3 later down the road.
** Lord of the Rings: War of the Ring: An RTS that was ''not'' affiliated with the Peter Jackson movies, and thus has its own aesthetic distinct from the movie's look. Not a terrible RTS, but definitely overshadowed heavily by the BFME games.
* Lord of the Rings: Conquest: An attempt to do the Star Wars Battlefront formula in a Lord of the Rings game. It didn't go well, being thrashed by the critics something fierce and not exactly most average gamer's favorite Middle-Earth game either (although it did later get a fan-remaster, so there is that).
* The Lord of the Rings: Aragorn's Quest: And here's one that makes the above entry look good. Basically, EA hadn't really gotten the message that by 2010, the media/cultural bonanza surrounding the Peter Jackson films had finally died down, and so trying to keep milking the franchise with more merchandise would no longer be profitable. The result was an Aragorn solo video game that is easily one of the worst LotR video games to date. There's basically nothing you're getting here you didn't get in The Two Towers and Return of the King games done much better.
* The Lord of the Rings: War in the North: An action-RPG where you play as three different characters, namely a Dwarf, a Ranger, and [[Critical Role|a hot Elf waifu voiced by Laura Bailey]]. Released to mediocre reviews overall.
* LEGO: The Lord of the Rings and LEGO: The Hobbit: Obligatory LEGO games by Traveler's Tales. You know what this entails. Moving on. (Although in all seriousness, they ''are'' some of the better LEGO games made by TT, and definitely far from the worst Middle-Earth games).
* Guardians of Middle-Earth: A MOBA / team-brawler. Released to capitalize on the then-ongoing Hobbit movie trilogy, you play as a team of either heroes or villains from Middle-Earth (a mix of pre-existing characters and OCs) and engage the other side in team-based battling. Definitely one of the weirder Middle-Earth games, but it does mark the one time where Aragorn's father Arathorn (among others) has shown up in a Middle-Earth video game.
* Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor and Middle-Earth: Shadow of War: A duo of games that go Grimdark and [[Skub|made many, many lore changes along the way]]. Depending on who you ask, these are either the best of all Middle-Earth games with a cool protagonist, or "Murderhobo's Misadventures in Mordor" with a tone and protagonist that are anathema to Tolkien's writings. In all honesty, they're very well-made games with terrific gameplay, especially the novel Nemesis System that makes your Uruk enemies unique each playthrough and effectively creates stories with characters who the fiction usually relegates to being nameless fodder (ironically making the Nemesis Characters more interesting than most of the rest of the cast). But as adaptations of Tolkien's works, they ran afoul of many a purist not just for their lore changes, but also the idea that the dark tone and the protagonist's methods run counter to the values of Tolkien that he espoused in the original novels (even though both Talion and Celebrimbor pay heavily for the latter). Among the more significant changes are Minas Ithil falling way later than in canon, Helm Hammerhand and Isildur having become Nazgul, and Shelob being a shapeshifter who's more morally gray than straight-evil (and can also take on [[Rule 34|a super hot form]]). And yes, every single one of these got [[Rage|exactly the response you'd expect]].

=Gallery=
<gallery>
File:Height.jpg| Sauron showing off
File:Talion_and_orcs.jpg| Actually not a scene from the books. To be fair, though, [[/v/|Shadow of Mordor]] showed us what Mordor looks like in the daytime.
File:Sauron_My_Battle_Plan.jpg| Knowing is half the battle. The other half is [[Sonic the Hedgehog|rings]].
</gallery>

=See also=
*[[The Lord of the Rings Strategy Battle Game]] for the tabletop skirmish game.
*[[Mordor]]
*[[Middle Earth]]
*[[Middle Earth characters]]
*[[J. R. R. Tolkien]]
*[[The Last Ringbearer]]
*[[The Silmarillion]]
*[[Ainur]]

[[Category: Literature]][[Category:The Lord of the Rings]]

The Lord of the Rings

2023-01-10T23:33:54Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* Legacy */ I replaced the link with a fresh one since the other one was dead. The text is exactly the same, just hosted on a different site.

{{british}}
{{Awesome}}
[[Image:LotR.jpg|right|400px|thumb|Daddy's home]]
{{Topquote | There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year-old's life: ''The Lord of the Rings'' and ''Atlas Shrugged''. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs. | John Rogers}}

{{Topquote | It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.| Samwise "Sam" Gamgee, The Two Towers}}

'''''The Lord of the Rings''''', sometimes shortened to LotR, is the sequel to [[J. R. R. Tolkien]]'s ''[[The Hobbit]]''. He found that the setting he had built was far too interesting to abandon after a simplistic quest storyline, an experience common to modern [[GM]]s, and his publisher thought a new story in Middle-earth would be just as popular as ''The Hobbit'' (he was wrong; it proved ''more'' popular).

=The Books=
Because of its original publication scheme (the whole thing was too big for '50s era bookbinding techniques), LOTR is commonly, though erroneously, called a trilogy - it's technically ''six'' books, just bundled into three. Tolkien had wanted the whole thing to be one single, giant doorstopper, but he was talked out of that. Thus, we got three books:

*The Fellowship of the Ring
*The Two Towers
*The Return of the King

You have, of course, read them. If you haven't, gtfo and read them. And don't you even dare ''just'' watch the movies. Although amazing films, they aren't the same experience.

==The Story==
[[Image:LotR 1e.png|right|300px|thumb|The original [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|First Edition]] nerd book]]
If you're a filthy normie or you've been living on a cave on Mars with your fingers in your ears, here's a brief refresher:

Check [[The Silmarillion]] and [[The Hobbit]] to go in chronological order.

Bilbo Baggins, the protagonist of ''[[The Hobbit]]'', decides upon his 111th birthday to leave home and entrusts his magic ring to his nephew Frodo. Problem is, Gandalf the Grey, Bilbo's wizard friend, has figured out that something's off about the magic ring once he sees how Bilbo can barely bring himself to give it up; it is in fact the One Ring, an artifact created by Sauron, Lord of [[Mordor]] (and also Of The Rings), and contains a vast amount of his power. Its continued existence is a threat to the free peoples of Middle-earth and Gandalf exhorts Frodo to come to a meeting in Rivendell, house of the great elven lord Elrond, where a council of all the finest minds that can be brought together will determine what to do with it. Joined by his gardener Samwise and two fellow hobbits, Merry and Pippin, Frodo makes his way to Rivendell but not before running afoul of barrow-wights and Sauron's chief minions, the Nazgul, leading to him getting stabbed with a cursed sword by the lead Nazgul that would make him their wraith minion. Fortunately Elrond is also skilled in healing arts and magic and saves Frodo from the fate worse than death.

At the meeting, it is revealed that no mortal artifice can destroy the One Ring (demonstrated in the movie when Gimli shatters a weapon on the unassuming golden band). The only way to unmake it is to return it to the fires of Mount Doom where Sauron originally forged it. Unfortunately, Mount Doom is smack dab in the middle of Mordor and Gandalf can't ask his great eagle buddies to risk death by arrows, Fellbeasts (seriously, why does everyone forget that the bad guys could fly too?) or deadly volcanic gases to fly the ring to Mount Doom for him. Really though, stealth was the only realistic option, even if that meant hoofing it for months on end. And to make things more complicated, the ring itself is actively trying to get back into Sauron's hands, whether by alerting Sauron to its presence every time someone puts it on, outright manipulating people with promises of power, or just trying to GTFO the Bearer's person at every vaguely-plausible opportunity. Frodo agrees to bear the One Ring on its journey and a group is formed to escort him there. The party for this quest is called the Fellowship of the Ring and consists of:

*Frodo Baggins, the Ringbearer, hobbit;
*Samwise Gamgee, Paladin/gardener/Frodo's [[Gay|"best friend"]], hobbit;
*Meriadoc "Merry" Brandybuck, rogue, hobbit;
*Peregrin "Pippin" Took, bard, hobbit;
*Gandalf the Grey, wizard (one of the Istari, essentially an Angel in human guise, and on the same tier as Saruman, Sauron, and the Balrog);
*Aragorn, son of Arathorn, ranger, human of Númenorean descent and heir to the thrones of Arnor and Gondor;
*Boromir, son of Denethor, fighter, human;
*Legolas Greenleaf, son of Thranduil, archer, elf;
*Gimli, son of Glóin, fighter, dwarf;
[[file:Legolas.jpg|right|400px]]
So, off they go. After a few detours and sidetracks, the Fellowship is split into three (even though you should never split the party): Frodo and Sam go off directly to Mordor, as Frodo's the only one who really needs to go and Sam is too much of a bro to abandon him; Gandalf duels a primordial demon to the death (both their deaths, really) since he's the only one there powerful enough to stop it, but since he's a demigod on a divine mission [[skub|he gets to come back]]; Pippin and Merry are kidnapped by orcs but escape and wind up in Gondor, a formerly prosperous kingdom, and Rohan, a nation of Anglo-Saxons on horseback, respectively, after having adventures with Ents; Boromir dies in an ambush but has a pile of corpses to show for his troubles and gets a river funeral; Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli form a Human-Elf-Dwarf triple threat team, ostensibly to find and rescue Merry and Pippin, but end up travelling across two different kingdoms and fucking evil's shit up for the rest of the story, with Gimli as Dennis Rodman.

Despite having their own problems to contend with, somehow the members of the divided Fellowship seem to get involved with everyone else's mess and need to sort shit out. Their list of game achievements include, but are not limited to: surviving a ruined [[Dwarf Fortress|dwarf city]] filled with an insane number of goblins and a big motherfucking demon lord with weapons made of fire (the backstory behind this inspired the aforementioned game); foiling the plans of Gandalf's wicked wizard counterpart and his orc army; saving not one but two human nations (and the entire world for that matter); winning a whole campaign's worth of scenarios and battles; and defeating the big bad evil guy of the setting (that is currently not imprisoned off the edge of the world, his old boss had a bigger resume) with enough time to go home for tea and crumpets.

Finally, after going around the most fuck-me way possible to get into Mordor (partially due to bad directions from Gollum, who was conflicted with his addictive desire for the Ring, and an encounter with the [[Arachnarok Spiders|giant spider]]/spider-demon hybrid Shelob), Frodo reaches Mount Doom and is about to drop the ring into the lava when he can no longer resist the ring's allure. Just as it had done at the end of the Second Age when it stopped Isildur from destroying it, the ring saved its existence from certain doom. But in an ironic twist, the ring's former owner Gollum attacks Frodo for it and bites it off of his finger, dances about happily, and falls into the lava, just as both Frodo and the ring itself had warned what would happen if Gollum betrayed him and tried to take the ring. With the ring destroyed, Sauron's power is all but gone forevermore and his armies scatter. The eagles can swoop in for MEDEVAC, getting Frodo and Sam back to civilization to rest and recover before the hobbits return to the Shire.

But wait! The Shire's under new management, Chief Sharkey. Frodo and company help the hobbits rise up against Sharkey, who turns out to be Saruman, who has committed his greatest evil yet by trying to industrialize The Shire out of spiteful revenge. Frodo allows Saruman to leave the Shire, but his put-upon minion Gríma Wormtongue slits his throat (and is then riddled with arrows, nicely tying up that loose end). After compiling his memoirs and still feeling pain from the Nazgul attack all the way at the beginning of his journey, Frodo travels to the Grey Havens and is allowed to sail into the West, where he may find relief from his pain. The story ends on a bittersweet note as Sam (arguably the story's true protagonist and MVP of the closing chapters) finally settles back home with his family, writing the final pages to the Baggins' family saga.

Final apocrypha detail the fates of the characters, notably Sam goes west following his wife's death as he was a brief ringbearer (leaving the Red Book to his daughter and son-in-law), Merry and Pippin retire after lengthy political careers and witnessing Eomer's death before dying in Gondor, Aragorn cleans up the remaining orcs and makes peace with human servants of Sauron, has a son and some daughters with Arwen and dies of old age, followed by Arwen a year later. Gimli and Legolas go west after Aragorn's death, presumably along with the final few Elves who were getting their affairs in order before leaving Middle Earth, leaving humans as the dominant power of the Fourth Age and the Dwarves apparently peacefully dying out after reclaiming lost homes.

==The Expanded Canon==

Besides the LOTR trilogy and the Hobbit, there are a few other books about Middle Earth. Many of them were published after Tolkien's death, but were personally edited by his son to make them available to the public. While none of these books are strictly need-to-know material, they can be thought of as great fluff books full of additional stories that flesh out the setting.

*[[The Silmarillion]] - This was an abridged history of Middle Earth, from its creation to the War of the Ring. Here you'll find more information about Sauron and the creation of the One Ring, as well as epic tales of both elvish and human heroes from the First Age, the sociopathic Elf King Fëanor who played right into Melkor's (Middle-Earth's Satan and Sauron's boss) schemes, the rise and fall of <s>Atlantis</s> Numenor, the War of the Last Alliance, and other things. Many people complain about the Silmarillion being too dry and reading like a history book (which is what it is, to be fair); if you’re looking for a ''novel'' - read on.
* Children of Hurin - published after Tolkein’s death, it is also the only complete novel covering one of the First Age stories in the Silmarillion. This covers the tragic story of Turin Tarambar, Tolkein’s version of Kullervo, and how Morgoth cursed him and his family to a fate worse than death. Still an epic adventure that fits well into the Legendarium.
*Unfinished Tales - As the name implies, these are narrative scraps which Tolkien hadn't completed before his death. Christopher Tolkien published this mess of notes on his way to completing two of the Tales (which he hadn't dared, himself, at the time). This book includes longer versions of lore mentioned in the trilogy, such as Isildur's death, the origin of the Wizards, and the founding of Rohan. And draughts of those ''Hurin'' and ''Gondolin'' stories which Chris would fill in, and publish, (much) later. But not ''Beren''.
*The Adventures of Tom Bombadil - Poetry centered around Tom Bombadil, who is best described as Middle Earth's equivalent of a Monty Python sketch. He's actually in the first LOTR book but is so carefree and oblivious to the War of the Ring that he's not terribly important despite being implied to be powerful enough to kick Sauron in the balls an walk away without a scratch.
*The History of Middle Earth - A 13 volume series detailing the creation of Tolkien's mythology, includes early drafts and unused stories. Here's where ''Beren'' is first floated, as a poem; and the first (maybe best) ''Fall of Gondolin''. While the early material here isn't considered canon, some very interesting revelations appear here:
:*Originally, Tolkien wanted to claim that he only "discovered" the stories about Middle Earth from a book he translated.
:*Which book, you may ask? Why, just a copy of the [[wikipedia:Red Book of Westmarch|Red Book of Westmarch]]. Also known as that book Frodo and Bilbo were writing as the story progresses. This is because...
:*[http://www.tolkiengateway.net/wiki/The_Lost_Road Middle Earth is actually our Earth.] [[wat|From before the Ice Age]] (hey, if Robert Howard could do the "lost era of history" story for [[Kull]] and [[Conan the Barbarian]], then so can Tolkien).
:*[http://www.tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Athrabeth_Finrod_ah_Andreth And that First Age humans predicted the birth of Jesus Christ] (though not in explicit terms). Did we mention Tolkien was Catholic?

==The Cancelled Sequel==
Yes, you're reading that right. After the Lord of the Rings was all wrapped up, Tolkien did at one point feel the "sequel itch" and considered doing a follow-up set in the Fourth Age that would have included the son of Faramir, and with the villains being a cult of Sauron fanboys. But, recognizing that following up the epicness of Lord of the Rings with a much more minor threat was almost certainly not going to work, his heart just wasn't in it and he quickly gave up on the idea. Tellingly, despite how much subsequent creators have wanted to tell their own stories in Middle-Earth, none have yet to try and take Tolkien's discarded 4th Age story ideas and run with them (probably because they've come to the same conclusions about it that he did).

=A Mythology for England?=
Now, you might be wondering why Tolkien bothered to do all of this in the first place. What motivated him? The answer is generally held to be, that he wanted to give England its own mythology. Tolkien had noticed that almost all other civilizations had them: Greek Mythology, Egyptian Mythology, Norse Mythology, Native American Mythologies, etc. But England seemed to be the exception. So Tolkien took the Thanos approach and decided "Fine, I'll do it myself". And the rest is history.

What this means though, is that Middle-Earth is technically not a fantasy setting totally separate from real life in the way that something like [[Warcraft|Azeroth]] or [[Pathfinder|Golarion]] is. It ''is'' our world, but in a distant past that's details were ultimately lost to time, causing it to become legend. This is an aspect of the franchise that's often overlooked, but it is there when you remember what Middle-Earth was intended to be for Jolly Old England. Tolkien intended to run with the idea even further, tying Middle Earth to Dark Ages Europe where a 5th century Welsh mariner discovers Tol Eressia and learns of the ancient shared history of the elves and men, as well as tying in existing legends like Saint Brendan's voyage. The novels that we have today (The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and the Silmarillion) were to be surviving stories from this forgotten age, either being retold by ancient Welsh explorers or directly copied from the Red Book of Westmarch. He also considered having Eru (the God of the setting), pulling a Jesus and appearing on Middle-Earth in mortal form, but discarded this idea for being a little too on the nose. Instead this is merely implied in a conversation between Elves and Men as being the reason behind the strange gifts and fate Eru assigned to men.

This ''also'' makes the Tolkien Purist's insistence on absolute, 100% fidelity to the source material at all times somewhat ironic, since that isn't how mythologies work: they change with each subsequent retelling. So we should really be a lot more accepting of changes to lo--{{BLAM|HERESY!}}

Do note that in modern scholarship, the question of Tolkien's purpose in writing the ''Lord of the Rings'' and the wider ''Silmarillion'' is up for debate. Many believe that Tolkien's work evolved away from the "mythology for England" origin after his failure to get ''The Silmarillion'' published, and that Tolkien had left-wing anarchist viewpoint be anathema to the modern fanbase that glorifies monarchism, racism, and Eurocentrism. Fans generally argue that such people are full of shit and only making these radical claims in the interests of getting published and securing tenure.

=Legacy=
[[Image:Tolkien with pipe.jpg|right|300px|thumb|The man himself]]
It's commonly accepted that the Lord of the Rings invented modern fantasy fiction, as everybody basically used it as a template for most, if not all, future stories that involved anything more than Knights, princesses, and dragons. That being said, most people tend to only pick up the surface elements of the stories without the nuances they originally came with, either to fit their own stories or because they just thought, "hey, orcs are cool, imma add them to my campaign." One example is that despite everyone basing [[elves]] on Tolkien's interpretation rather than the more pixie-like versions of previous generations, most stories' elves are universally depicted as arrogant and smug racists who were almost as commonplace as humans, whereas Tolkien hewed closer to the original mythological version of an alien, isolationist, though not outright hostile people, who seldom interacted with mortals (it helped that any racial supremacist tendencies they once had were basically stomped out of them after getting their asses kicked in the First Age, with humans giving them most of their support). On top of that, the books are pretty clear that Elven immortality isn't all sunshine and rainbows, as they are doomed to fade into wraiths unless they travel to the Undying Lands.

Even in his time, while Tolkien maintained a strong correspondence with his fans (he wrote enough letters that they essentially became a supplement on the Lord of the Rings stories), he felt that a lot of people simply didn't ''get'' his stories. Hippies declared Frodo to be an anti-establishment hero, despite Tolkien himself being strongly conservative and the story containing an explicitly pro-monarchy plot point in Aragorn's ascension. On the other end of the spectrum, Tolkien has also been a sadly popular target for accusations of racism even though his letters made his utter hatred for Hitler and Nazism pretty clear and he also explicitly rejected "race doctrine", to say nothing for things in the books themselves that contradict the charge, such as the Haradrim being respected by Gondor and Rohan, who make peace with them after the War of the Ring, Númenor's society going to shit the more oppressive of other men they became, and a dead Haradrim being shown sympathy by Sam (Faramir in the movie). People would claim it to be an allegory of WWII and nuclear war, despite being based on his own personal experiences during WWI (he also hated allegories in general). And if he were alive today, he'd probably call the travesty that was the Hobbit trilogy (see below) the very "disneyfied" crap that he sought to avoid. [https://limyaael.livejournal.com/181634.html/ Here's a list] of fantasy cliches attributed to Tolkien that are actually misrepresentations of what he wrote because the authors would miss the point.

All that being said, the influence of his books can't be denied. The funny thing though, is that despite being a source of inspiration for Dungeons and Dragons (one could argue that DnD codified fantasy tropes moreso than LOTR, but that's for another time), the actual story of the Lord of the Rings wouldn't make for a great roleplaying campaign; rewards for battles are scant, the vast majority of enemies are orcs, orcs, and more orcs <s>with a dash of goblins</s> that's just another term for orcs, the actual fighting done by Aragorn's team is of secondary importance to Frodo's mission to destroy the ring, Sauron never appears in the flesh so there's no final boss, etc. A webcomic called "[http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=612 DM of the Rings]" explores this concept quite humorously, as the tension between the player characters (as Aragorn's party) and the DM shows how frustrated they get when the story doesn't meet their hack-and-slash expectations.

To give a short list, Tolkien basically gave us:
*[[Orcs]]
*[[Halfling]]s
*[[Treeman|Ents]]
*[[BBEG|Dark Lords]]
*[[Half-elves]], though they weren't considered a distinct species. There's only a handful of them, and they have to decide whether to have the fate of the elves (immortality, but you have to go to the Undying Lands or become a wraith) or the fate of men (mortality, but you get a super-secret afterlife that not even the Valar know about, and in the meanwhile are free from Fate and able to do what you like with the time you have). This part never seemed to catch on.
*[[Elves]] as beautiful pointy-eared superhumans; while not explicitly codified as of yet, we also got High Elves in the Noldor and Wood Elves in the Sindar. No Dark elves yet though (unless you count those Avari guys who sat by a lake); that would be the [[Drow]].
*[[Dwarves]] as a proud warrior race rather than just short greedy bastards. <s>Note that the Scottish accent wasn't tacked on until the New Line films.</s> Not even then; the most prominent Dwarves in all six films are Gimli, played by John Rhys-Davies, and Thorin, played by Richard Armitage, who speak with their actors' native Welsh and Yorkshire accents respectively. Scottish Dwarves do exist in the franchise, but it's not mainstream - the Dwarven accents are drawn from a wide UK spectrum. Scottish Dwarves are popular in fantasy games, World of Warcraft being perhaps the most prominent example, but even the Tolkien-esque Warhammer Fantasy has Yorkshire Dwarfs (with some exceptions).
*The [[Ranger]] archetype (historical note: actual rangers were just guys hired to keep poachers off a nobleman's land, the idea of an outdoorsy type of tracker/scout/soldier didn't exist until the 17th century.)
*Mixed race, mixed class adventuring parties.
*A "Three Age" structure to history, with the earlier ages being more legendary and mythological than the more mundane later ages. (Though Greek mythology had similar ideas).
*[[Mithril]] {NOT Mythril, a name used in various other books and games to avoid copyright infringement}, a super-strong, super-light metal. Like aluminum, if aluminum were also indestructible.
* Balors and Bloodthirsters...sort of. See, Balrogs are pretty clearly where the latter came from as "super powerful demonic monsters with horns, bat wings on the back, and wielding a weapon in each hand". Since Tolkien owned the rights to the name "Balrog", the folks at TSR, Wizards, GW, and elsewhere needed to get creative, thus giving us those other super-demons.

==The Radio Drama==
Long before there was ever any real chance of getting movie adaptations, the Lord of the Rings was adapted for radio by (naturally) the BBC. Largely forgotten nowadays, but before the PJ movies came out, this was basically as good as it got as far as adaptations went (as well as being the only one made during Tolkien's lifetime, which allowed him to give feedback).

==The Movies (and one TV show)==
===Old School===
There had been some talk about a film adaptation through the 50s through the early 70s (including with ''The Beatles'' trying to be the Hobbit quartet!), but it largely did not go anywhere. Mostly because doing it justice in live action was waaay beyond what could be reasonably done in 1960 (large-scale Medieval battles were one thing, but unless you fancy the thought of a claymation Balrog, the more fantastical elements would have never looked good).

[[Ralph Bakshi]] made an animated film based off the Fellowship of The Ring and the first half of The Two Towers, which was released in 1978. The resulting film was trippy, to say the least. It has a lot of weird animation with massive amounts of [[wikipedia:Rotoscoping|rotoscoping]], although it does work from time to time. It also decided to make adjustments and stay faithful to the text in the oddest ways. Many lines of dialogue were taken from the books word for word, with enough cut out so that you don't know what they are talking about and it does not come across as natural conversation; for example, Saruman declares himself Saruman of Many Colors without explaining the name change, but they decide to make a prince of Gondor (the largest and greatest civilization in Middle-earth at the time) dress like a Wagner opera viking. While it does have some good points here and there the end result both leaves you both weirded out and bored unless you are really into that era of animation.

It's worth noting that, despite his reputation, some of the weirdness of the movie is not actually due to Bakshi. Executive meddling was ''rampant'' during the production, one of the most infamous examples of which is with Saruman. Midway through, execs decided that Saruman sounded too much like Sauron and would confuse audiences, so they went behind Bakshi's back and had the VAs start referring to him as "Aruman" instead. [[derp|Without redubbing the lines that had already been recorded up to that point]]. Bakshi didn't find out until it was too late to fix, and as a result characters throughout the movie alternate between Saruman and Aruman. In spite of it's shortcomings it did do reasonably well at the box office ($33.7 Million at the box office for the US, UK and Canada against it's $4.5 million budget) which if nothing else got some film and tv execs to think "okay, maybe there is some money in these fairy-tales-for-grown-ups".

Rankin Bass produced a Return of the King animated film in 1980, a made for TV movie which didn't have near the budget. It traded in some of the trippiness (even if it does have Orcs transforming into Coutimundis) for being more mundanely bad and getting pushed into the animation age ghetto, since again, it was made for TV not theaters in an age when censorship ran strong. They couldn't even allow for people getting hit with swords onscreen. That's not even mentioning how much they cut, up to and including ''entire characters'' (like Legolas and Gimli), and giving Theoden one of the lamest deaths in animation movie history.

However, even though it's hard to deny the movie as a whole is objectively bad, there are a few gems in Rankin Bass's Return of the King that rival, or are arguably even ''better'' than the Jackson movies. Sam's portrayal in particular is very good (certainly ''leagues'' better than in the Bakshi version, as low a bar as that might be), showing him as a strong and fearless friend, and one of the only people in all Middle Earth ''ever'' to hold an awakened One Ring in his hand, in Morder where it's at its most powerful, took the best shot it could hit him with, [[awesome|and told the Ring to fuck off]]. The portrayal of the Ring itself is also quite good, with it having a much more active malign influence than it does in the Jackson films. The Ring doesn't just passively corrupt people, it ''tempts'' them, feeding those who hold it visions of all the things they could do with it, all the power they could have, and it even delivers a taste of that power, with a weakened and exhausted Frodo able to stand strong and confident just by holding the Ring, enough to even scare the shit out of Gollum.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr_rb_pitHk If you are curious about the Bakshi film and have an hour to kill, Dan Olson has a pretty good video essay on the subject]

===The Peter Jackson Trilogy===
But those two movies are footnotes compared to the ones that you have most likely seen, those being Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy. By far the most financially successful and critically acclaimed fantasy films of all time, including winning Best Picture at the Academy Awards, which generally go for historical pieces and similar, not fantasy or sci-fi. It helped bring fantasy to mainstream audiences and probably why many of you are you are here now. It has massive battles made possible by groundbreaking special effects technology. The films also have incredible amounts of attention to detail to bring the world of Middle-earth to life. While some changes were made (as was inevitable in adaptation), many of them were for the better such as developing Aragorn as a character rather than just a mythic archetype, making Arwen an actual character, and having Gollum being accidentally thrown into Mount Doom fighting with Frodo over the One Ring. [[This Guy|In short what happens when you get a lot of skilled passionate people together to make something they love come to life.]] [[Skub|Though apparently Tolkien's son really hated the movies for some reason (Probably for personal reasons as the original books were written in part for him. Ostensibly it was because of the films emphasis on action setpieces etc. as opposed to the more “low-key” elements of world-building etc.)]]. Nowadays the films continue to enjoy a great reputation apart from the folks who refuse to abide even the tiniest changes made to the source material.

PJ followed this up with a series on ''[[The Hobbit]]'', which we handle in its own [[skub|totally unbiased and sober]] page [[The Hobbit|here]].

===Amazon's Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power===
{{Fail}}{{HurfDurf}}

{{Topquote|There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of man for this treachery.|Tolkien fans}}

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{{Topquote|There can be no trust between hammer and rock. Eventually, one or the other must surely break.|Durin, accurately describing the relationship between Amazon and the fans}}
{{Topquote|Give me the meat, and give it to me raw!|Durin, speaking to Elrond once he got away from his wife}}

'''TL;DR:''' Amazon's made a new show that, due to their own actions and statements, basically killed any goodwill long-time fans may have had towards it before before the first episode aired. It's been to ''Lord of the Rings'' what ''Netflix's Cowboy Bebop'' was to ''Cowboy Bebop.''

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Half a decade after ''The Hobbit'' trilogy's derpy conclusion, Amazon announced, with much fanfare, that they were going to make a streaming series based on Tolkien's Legendarium. Given the unreadable and generally obscure nature of the subject to mainstream audiences (moviegoers), fans reacted with wary interest and curiosity. The Second Age, while at least being somewhat familiar as the backstory to LOTR and given five minutes of depiction in the film's prologue, only takes up two chapters in the Silmarillion. That excitement quickly devolved into seething irritation and [[Rage|rage]]. This began at the first major warning sign; the firing of Amazon's resident Tolkien consultant Tom Shippey (a British medievalist who has written six books and several academic papers on Tolkien's work, who even met and worked with Tolkien himself at the same university) and subsequent replacement by someone far less qualified, far less experienced and heavily invested in [[SJW|modern identity politics]]. Combined with this happening shortly after the death of Christopher Tolkien - the one person in the Tolkien estate protective of his father's work - it was clear there was an agenda. More bad news came out soon after; Amazon '''didn't actually have the rights to any of the Legendarium works'''. They had spent several hundred million dollars only buying rights to the names, people, and events named in the Appendices, and are unable to reference anything else.

Worse, it was revealed the showrunners had no screenwriting or directing credits to their name, only being hired after J.J. Abrams vouched for them. Their most famous work was uncredited rewrites to "punch up" the script of ''[[Star Trek|Star Trek: Into Darkness]]''. Even if they were willing to write whatever Amazon demanded of them, it was seen as bizarre for Amazon to risk their literally billion-dollar investment on completely amateur leaders. One can only assume it was done to spite the showrunners originally attached to the project, who had been fired by Amazon Studio head Jennifer Salke and went on to produce the critically acclaimed ''[[A Song of Ice and Fire|House of the Dragon]]''. Several of the main actors themselves were either inexperienced or complete newcomers, most noticeable with the actress playing Galadriel. Supposedly, ''The Rings of Power'' was the product of Jeff Bezos wanting to have his own ''Game of Thrones'' for Prime Streaming. There were rumors that the show would be incredibly violent and gratuitously sexual (early in production people spotted a job posting for an intimacy coordinator, and there's only one reason why you'd hire such a person), in stark contrast to Tolkien's works, and many expected the worst.

The final nail in the coffin were Amazon's announcements that they wanted to "adapt" and [[SJW|˝modernize˝]] Tolkien's work for the present-day. This proved that the ''Rings of Power'' was a prestige product for some studio suits and amateur writers rather than a passionate or faithful adaptation of Tolkien's work. [[Skub|They revealed black elves, black/brown Numenoreans]], black and [[Derp|'''beardless''']] dwarf women, and even [[What|multi-hued hobbits]] that weren't even supposed to exist in the Second Age. Worse, it all looked cheap and lazy and was promoted by paid actors pretending to be "superfans" of Tolkien who could only speak diversity, equity, and inclusion catchphrases. The backlash to the "superfans" trailers (they made multiple trailers for multiple regions in different languages with different actors all speaking from the same general script) was so bad that Amazon chose to unlist the videos from Youtube and Prime.

''Rings of Power'' launched in direct competition with ''House of the Dragon'' and initial audience reception was not good. Despite '''literally paying''' for millions of premiere viewers by virtue of paying movie theaters to play episodes 1 and 2 for free, viewer numbers entered freefall with subsequent episodes and reviews were consistently, though not universally, negative among the audience. Critics were more favorably disposed to it, though even they were not particularly flattering unless they were reviewing for dedicated entertainment sites like IGN, in which case the show could do no wrong. Many of the initial reviews focused on the leaden acting and terrible writing, grave sins for anyone who'd watched Peter Jackson's trilogy or the original books (though perhaps it suited material allegedly based on ''The Silmarillion'') and the show's absolutely obvious cheapness; despite spending a rumored $60 million per episode, sets were often empty of crowds, costumes were noticeably bad, and CGI was glaringly obvious.

The most significant fan complaints were:
* The show is as full of "memberberries" as a plum pudding is full of figs. Despite being enjoined from referencing Peter Jackson's films because they don't have the rights to them, Amazon lifted a surprising amount of content directly from those films rather than from anything Tolkien wrote, especially in terms of visual design, dialogue, and shots. Galadriel's monologue when confronted with the One Ring, Gandalf being thrown around by an evil wizard using their staff, and the injection of the <s>hobbits</s> HARFOOTS were all largely seen as callbacks to the far more well-received films.
*Lots of the show actually end up being shockingly boring. There are large swaths of the plot where just nothing of any significance happens. One moment aside (the time Disa sings to the rock in a religious ceremony, which is admittedly a really cool scene and the only time the show manages to grasp an inkling of Tolkiens magic), a lot of time is spent on following up on the mystery boxes, intercut with action setpieces that at best have minimal stakes and at worst are completely nonsensical. Given how much of the dyanmics that are supposed to be established here end up going nowhere and/or are outright ignored/contradicted by the time of the finale, one has to wonder why the showrunners even spent time on these plotlines.
* Any character actually named after one of Tolkien's characters is unrecognizable in the show. The most prominent example is Galadriel, transformed from a wise and regal queen of unearthly power to a bloodthirsty, rude warrior maiden who only cares about hunting down Sauron, only to be seduced by his comely human disguise instead. She also never gives a mention or thought to her conspicuously absent husband Celeborn when starting to yield to "Halbrand's" charm. Elendil the Tall and his sons are not spared, being depicted as incompetent and cowardly men who only succeed through the intervention of powerful women. And so on.
** Some see Galadriel as emblematic of the problems with ''Rings of Power'', especially after a finale where she is arguably to blame for Sauron falling BACK into evil and allowing him to flee to Mordor to forge the One Ring; a finale where Galadriel comes up with the idea of Three Elven Rings (and only Elven, the lesser races don't deserve them); and a finale where Galadriel nearly kills Celebrimbor rather than Sauron because she cannot stand to have her mistakes thrown in her face. None of the majesty or wisdom supposedly held by Galadriel as the greatest of the Noldor in Middle-Earth is evident.
* Amazon's pre-release media blitz had also contained the uncomfortable reveal that, rather than attempt to adapt centuries of conflict between the corruption and fall of Numenor and the Last Alliance, Amazon had decided to create a story that would encompass the broad themes of the Second Age while taking place over a recognizably human lifespan so that they wouldn't need to cast new actors every season. This Amazon-original plot, being led by inexperienced and bottom-barrel showrunners, would bastardize Tolkien's stories in stupendously stupid ways.
** The elves of Middle-Earth, or at least the Noldor, and all their works are being corrupted and worn down by a dark entropy, the product of "light of Valar" deficiency. Without the "light," the elves are no longer immortal, immune to disease and the ravages of age, and all they have touched can be worn away by time and biology. There is only one cure: Mithril, the fossilized fallout of a battle between an Elflord and Durin's Bane where the Elf channeled all the "light" within his being into one of the Silmarils that was hidden in a tree that Durin's Bane really wanted to burn down with the flame of Udun. As they poured their energies into the tree, a lightning bolt struck and caused the Silmaril to explode. That explosion turned the tree's roots into mithril; a substance "[[Derp|as pure and light as good and as strong and unyielding as evil]]." Somehow, Gil-Galad and Celebrimbor not only know that the dwarves of Moria have discovered and started mining mithril, they also know it's the only thing that can give the elves their immortality back if they don't want to go back to Valinor. And they better get the dwarves to mine it as quick as they can; without it, they'll all be consumed by the darkness.
** The Downfall of Numenor is supposed to be one of the major stories of the Second Age and the archetypical mythic tragedy; the show drastically rewrites this story, in part because of the time compression, but also they manage to inject some modern politics into it as well and strip out much of the nuances that it had, as well as making the Kings Men’s motivations and actions more confusing. What’s supposed to happen is that the Kings of Numenor slowly get corrupted over the course of centuries by greed and pride and turn into warmongering Imperialists, and they are jealous of the elves’ immortality; this would lead them to becoming tyrants and eventually falling for Sauron’s deceptions. Instead, we have an isolationist kingdom with no army, who hate elves because they TURK OUR JERBS and a made-up prophecy about an elf causing the downfall of their kingdom (instead of the literal human sacrifice and enslavement). They only started returning to middle earth because Galadriel told them to go save an inconsequential human village that maybe had Sauron there. And there’s no explanation as to why they turned out this way since none of the original motivations are present.
** In the finale, Celebrimbor is incapable of doing anything with the mithril (about a fistfuls-worth) until Sauron tells him to "seduce" the ore with lesser, gentler metals and alloys. Once Sauron's love confession is rejected by Galadriel, she comes up with the brilliant idea to forge 3 rings so that all elves could partake of mithril's effects without falling under their dominion.
* Albino, white-robed orcs enslaving and oppressing a black elf and black/brown humans, though they also enslave white elves and humans, but unlike elves and humans there are no black/brown orcs. Also the humans that end up siding with Adar really don't like elves and even use slurs like "knife-ear." Real subtle.
* Writing-related complaints range from the very recognizable Bad Robot disregard for realistic timetables (remember how people seemed to just teleport everywhere at will in ''Into Darkness'' or in ''The Last Jedi''?) to bad pacing and completely incongruous scene length (the forging of the rings is less than a minute long, while hobbits get an entire quarter of the episode for a single scene) to audience whiplash as characters shift and change personalities and motivations multiple times within the same episode.
** Even worse, the dialogue lacks any of the poetry of Tolkien's prose unless it's plagiarizing his work. When left to the writer's room, it ranges from clunky and serviceable to laughably bad. The worst offender in this regard is the very un-subtle moment where some Numenorean men complain that, thanks to the <s>Elves</s> '''knife-ears''' being immortal, [[/pol/|"they took our darn jobs!"]]
**While we weren't expecting the most tightly written story given how light the source material is, its clear that the showrunners didn't grasp the most important aspect in Tolkein's writing; the use of theme and how every detail builds up huge core ideas in the narrative. Instead, everything that happens happens because the plot demands it, even at the expense of previous characterization. One easy example is the Harfoots, who we're told all support one another, but because we have to create drama for the harfoot plotline, are constantly leaving people on their own to die anytime they run into trouble. It's ironic that they were included solely because the showrunners thought that the were the heart and soul of Middle Earth, when audiences have largely rejected the Harfoots as bunch of [[Kender|filthy little psychopaths]].
* Production-related complaints largely focus on the cheapness of the show despite its astonishing budget. It seemed that there was little effort in reshooting or editing anything that should have otherwise gone in a blooper reel (chainmail t-shirts were the cause of several wardrobe malfunctions in the last half of the show) or that looked incredibly awkward once CGI backgrounds and lighting were applied. Cast sizes in scenes was noticeably small, and battles were never well-done or lasted long. It doesn't help that ''House of the Dragon'' manages to feel greater in scope and scale but with a third of Amazon's reported budget and that the costume lead-designer reportedly designed the armour around wanting to challenge cosplayers (as if to make his own incompetency any less obvious).

If you aren't a complete hater on the show, you may consider the CGI landscapes [[Skub|beautiful, and enjoy the score that apes and imitates but never reaches the level of the score of Peter Jackson's film trilogy, and believe that the references and callbacks to actual Tolkien lore are fun to see (although many of the show's lore references are likely to confuse newbies as they're hardly explained well, and those who do know the are likely to rage due to the immense retconning). After all, when else will you hear the word Silmaril being spoken on-screen?]] Alternatively, you could also [[SJW|call anyone that dislikes the show "patently evil"]] and argue they should be disregarded. ''Rings of Power'' is contracted for multiple seasons, so it's likely to be with us for a long, long time. That being said, by the time of the finale, the ratings had dropped to catastrophic levels and even many media outlets who gave the show a chance had to admit that it was a flop. So much so that rumors abound of Amazon discreetly sidelining Payne & McKay for more competent showrunners, while desperately trying to convince audiences that season 2 will be better we promise.
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==MERP(S)==
Over the 1980s <strike>immigration-control</strike> Iron Crown Enterprises put out the [[Middle-Earth Role Playing]] (System). Lots of sourcebooks for the setting. Generally considered good if quite crunchy (unsurprising, since it was based off [[Rolemaster]]). Sadly enough no longer in print.

Unwin did a massive map extending Middle-Earth east and south. Here we got the Stormshadow Mountain Kingdoms, Lands of the Broken Moon, Kingdoms of the Cloud Forests and other hippie bullshit that northern Californians think up after huffing the bong. Nobody considers this map to be canon.

==Of course GW couldn't let such a profitable venture pass them by...==
Back in the early 2000s, [[GW]] made a tabletop game based around this premise and called it [[The Lord of the Rings Strategy Battle Game]]. Because they ran out of short titles.

In a peculiar way, this was GW coming full circle. They began by making miniatures for D&D (which as stated above, heavily borrowed from LOTR) before morphing into Warhammer.

While it let you play out your favorite scenes from the movies (in the way YOU imagined them going), it failed to light the world on fire. Likely because it lacks any of the batshit awesome insanity of their own IPs. However, GeeDubs has kept on truckin' with this line regardless of cost, eventually offloading it onto [[Forge World]] to work on in between releases for [[Blood Bowl]] and [[Necromunda]].

==The Last Ringbearer ==
Of course, there is always some weird thing people will do with an original work of an author. If we're to believe the fan fiction authors, all the characters of the novel were fucking each other so hard it's a wonder they were able to waddle out of Rivendell.

Some of them, [[SJW|for various]] [[Edgy|reasons]], even flip the script by changing the villains to heroes and/or the heroes to villains. Such is the nature of The Last Ringbearer, a book written by this Russian named Kirill Eskov. Its supposed to be an alternate take on LOTR, and has plot points ranging from The One Ring being a red herring, the Nazgul being enlightened philosopher scientists, and Mordor being an industrialized society torn apart by unsophisticated luddites for no reason other than elf bigotry. We hear that pirate translations exist, including into English. But we could never condone reading such trash, especially when they suck as bad as this did. LotR copyright expires 2043 which may be just long enough for this abortion of a "book" to fall into the pages of obscurity.

The Last Ringbearer was officially published in the legal vacuum that followed the fall of the Soviet Union, which also allowed assorted other unauthorized revisions and sequels to be published. Making it either a cash-grab or an attempt to make LOTR-based Soviet propaganda. Among those are the Ring of Darkness by Nick Perumov (a Fourth Age story where the Big Bad Evil Guy collects the rings of the Nazgul to become a great conqueror, and a Hobbit fighter clad in mithril armor endeavors to stop him) and the Black Book of Arda by Natalia Vasilieva (an alternate take on the Silmarillion where the original evil Melkor is a nice guy).

... so. How about An Archive Of Our Own.

==Video Games==

While nowhere near what you see with Star Wars, Middle-Earth has still netted a fair number of video games for itself. A lot of this has to do with the aforementioned Peter Jackson movies, which also came out in an era when licensed movie video games were still common. Since the Lord of the Rings movies actually fit the video game format better than, say, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Golden Compass, and Disney's Bolt (all of which also got video game tie-ins) they were some of the rare few licensed video games of the era that are actually playable. Eventually, the merchandise explosion generated by the movie's success died down, and with it way fewer video games came out, but there have still been a few. Some of the more notable video games are listed below:

* The Hobbit: This one is one of the very first notable Middle-Earth video games, coming out around the time the PJ Lord of the Rings movie trilogy was wrapping up, which was still many years off from the movie adaptation of the Hobbit. As such it's based off of the book and not those later, skubby films (for the best, most would say).
* The Two Towers and Return of the King: The main movie tie-in games, with the first really adapting Fellowship ''and'' The Two Towers despite the title. Easily among the top tier of licensed movie tie-in games (which admittedly isn't saying much). Mostly revolve around the Big 3 of Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli, but in Two Towers you could also unlock Isildur (who basically plays as a maxed out Aragorn), and in Return of the King Gandalf and Sam joined the main character roster, with Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Faramir all being unlockable (sadly, no playable Eowyn).
* The Third Age: Sort of based off of the Peter Jackson movie trilogy, but with a twist: you play as a team of [[Original character, do not steal|characters made for the game]]. Said characters are actually very, very stock overall, but the game boasts some solid customization for all of them, and Final Fantasy-esque turn based combat and some pretty good special effects and graphics for the time. So basically a Lord of the Rings game in the style of something like Final Fantasy VII, but with far less memorable characters. Either one of the best LotR games ever or a dumb idea, depending on who you ask.
** The Third Age (GBA): Gameboy version. Basically a totally different game from the above despite sharing a title. Here you go through the major (and minor) battles of the trilogy via turn-based gameplay, with Good and Evil each having their own campaigns that are actually just the same missions (meaning there are cases where a level that's easy for one side will be hard as hell for the other). Before starting the campaign, you pick a major hero who sticks with you the whole way through. Good can choose between Aragorn, Gandalf, and Elrond, and Evil can choose between the Witch-King, Saruman, and the Mouth of Sauron.
* Battle for Middle-Earth Duology: Some real-time strategy Lord of the Rings games, and easily one of the better things EA ever did. Really, given how perfectly suited to the genre Lord of the Rings is, one wonders why more of these haven't been made. First one follows the events of the main trilogy and has fixed resource areas and build zones, while the second game has more flexible building-harvesting system based on map area control. The latter also deals with the battles in the North only somewhat touched on in Tolkien's novels, making it a blend both aesthetically and story-wise of the movies and books. The studio that made these was, together with their engine, subsumed by Westwood to assist in developing the awesome-as-heck Command & Conquer 3 later down the road.
** Lord of the Rings: War of the Ring: An RTS that was ''not'' affiliated with the Peter Jackson movies, and thus has its own aesthetic distinct from the movie's look. Not a terrible RTS, but definitely overshadowed heavily by the BFME games.
* Lord of the Rings: Conquest: An attempt to do the Star Wars Battlefront formula in a Lord of the Rings game. It didn't go well, being thrashed by the critics something fierce and not exactly most average gamer's favorite Middle-Earth game either (although it did later get a fan-remaster, so there is that).
* The Lord of the Rings: Aragorn's Quest: And here's one that makes the above entry look good. Basically, EA hadn't really gotten the message that by 2010, the media/cultural bonanza surrounding the Peter Jackson films had finally died down, and so trying to keep milking the franchise with more merchandise would no longer be profitable. The result was an Aragorn solo video game that is easily one of the worst LotR video games to date. There's basically nothing you're getting here you didn't get in The Two Towers and Return of the King games done much better.
* The Lord of the Rings: War in the North: An action-RPG where you play as three different characters, namely a Dwarf, a Ranger, and [[Critical Role|a hot Elf waifu voiced by Laura Bailey]]. Released to mediocre reviews overall.
* LEGO: The Lord of the Rings and LEGO: The Hobbit: Obligatory LEGO games by Traveler's Tales. You know what this entails. Moving on. (Although in all seriousness, they ''are'' some of the better LEGO games made by TT, and definitely far from the worst Middle-Earth games).
* Guardians of Middle-Earth: A MOBA / team-brawler. Released to capitalize on the then-ongoing Hobbit movie trilogy, you play as a team of either heroes or villains from Middle-Earth (a mix of pre-existing characters and OCs) and engage the other side in team-based battling. Definitely one of the weirder Middle-Earth games, but it does mark the one time where Aragorn's father Arathorn (among others) has shown up in a Middle-Earth video game.
* Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor and Middle-Earth: Shadow of War: A duo of games that go Grimdark and [[Skub|made many, many lore changes along the way]]. Depending on who you ask, these are either the best of all Middle-Earth games with a cool protagonist, or "Murderhobo's Misadventures in Mordor" with a tone and protagonist that are anathema to Tolkien's writings. In all honesty, they're very well-made games with terrific gameplay, especially the novel Nemesis System that makes your Uruk enemies unique each playthrough and effectively creates stories with characters who the fiction usually relegates to being nameless fodder (ironically making the Nemesis Characters more interesting than most of the rest of the cast). But as adaptations of Tolkien's works, they ran afoul of many a purist not just for their lore changes, but also the idea that the dark tone and the protagonist's methods run counter to the values of Tolkien that he espoused in the original novels (even though both Talion and Celebrimbor pay heavily for the latter). Among the more significant changes are Minas Ithil falling way later than in canon, Helm Hammerhand and Isildur having become Nazgul, and Shelob being a shapeshifter who's more morally gray than straight-evil (and can also take on [[Rule 34|a super hot form]]). And yes, every single one of these got [[Rage|exactly the response you'd expect]].

=Gallery=
<gallery>
File:Height.jpg| Sauron showing off
File:Talion_and_orcs.jpg| Actually not a scene from the books. To be fair, though, [[/v/|Shadow of Mordor]] showed us what Mordor looks like in the daytime.
File:Sauron_My_Battle_Plan.jpg| Knowing is half the battle. The other half is [[Sonic the Hedgehog|rings]].
</gallery>

=See also=
*[[The Lord of the Rings Strategy Battle Game]] for the tabletop skirmish game.
*[[Mordor]]
*[[Middle Earth]]
*[[Middle Earth characters]]
*[[J. R. R. Tolkien]]
*[[The Last Ringbearer]]
*[[The Silmarillion]]
*[[Ainur]]

[[Category: Literature]][[Category:The Lord of the Rings]]

A Song of Ice and Fire

2023-01-09T01:42:46Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* House Greyjoy */

[[image:Game_of_Thrones_Title-DVD.png|300px|thumb|WIENER PARTY! WIENER PARTY!]]

{{Spoilers}}
{{Grimdark}}
{{Sick|Among other things, the books can barely go ten pages without having another rape.}}
'''Warning: This article contains so many spoilers we're ruining books that haven't even been released yet.'''

{{Topquote|If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.|Ramsay Bolton, nailing the grimdark theme of this series}}

{{Topquote|It matters not from whence the blood flows. Only that it flows.|George RR Martin, Exalted Champion of Khorne when explaining why so many characters get offed}}

'''''A Song of Ice and Fire''''', better known as '''''Game of Thrones''''' (though only the first book has that title) is a [[Grimdark]] fantasy book series for people who hate fantasy, or at the very least, have gotten their fill of Tolkien pretenders and want something more "distinct". Its central themes include [[Tzeentch|political Machiavellian scheming]], [[Khorne|ultraviolence]], [[Slaanesh|incest/sex with exposition/tons of rape]], and [[Nurgle|everyone trying to survive in such a Crapsack World of perpetual suffering]]. There is also lots and lots of food. Thus it has become one of the most popular series of our generation and its author, [[George R. R. Martin]], has been praised for his highly realized world and gritty low fantasy style. He was even called "the American [[Tolkien]]" by <s>Time magazine</s> gormless idiots who lump diametrically different writers together for no other reason than that they're both fantasy authors. The two authors do both have a passion (and talent) for worldbuilding and writing doorstoppers, but that's also where the similarities generally end. Still, the comparisons to Tolkien would probably explain this series' sudden spike in popularity following the TV show (at least [[Skub|to a point, anyway.]]) The great joke of an actual World War veteran writing fantasy about heroic knights and elves being compared to and contrasted with a conscientious objector who writes edgy fantasy is not lost on most (though its worth mentioning that Martin is as much of a Tolkien buff as any of us, meaning that he didn't write the series as a "fuck you" to Tolkien's work as some might assume).

The series itself is set on the [[Original character, do not steal|totally not medieval European ripoff]] realm of Westeros as it is wracked by a massive succession war drawing its realms into conflict. Everyone's picking up the pieces from the previous war until one family's bid for power starts another war (book one), A bunch of dudes declare themselves kings (book two), they're burning the continent down in their scramble for power, and somehow all the fuck-ups managed to lose anyway (book three). Just when the guys who lost the least start thinking they get to rule over the remaining chaos, more fuck ups happen and more dudes show up (book four). Sadly, winter has finally come and, unbeknownst to most people, [[Thousand Sons|evil ice wizards leading soulless undead]] [[Alpha Legion|assumed to be only myths by most people]] are about to invade the continent from the north. By the fifth book, things are going and/or will go to shit even for the bad guys.

According to a leaked fan conversation, George R. R. Martin jokingly stated the series would end with an epic cock-slap fight between Samwell Tarly and Jaime Lannister.

TL;DR: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Roses War of Roses] with a helpin' of <s>cliched fantasy</s> George's old sci-fi writing plots given a fantasy overhaul and [[/d/]]-lite.

[[ASOIAF Miniature Game|Miniature game has their own page now]]

== Setting and History ==
Most of the series takes place on an America-sized continent named Westeros, which stretches from pretty much the North Pole to the deserts of Dorn. It is populated by three main nations: First Men (Northmen and wildlings aka not!Celts), Andals (pretty much everyone else aka not!Anglo-Saxons) and Rhoynar (Dornishmen). All of them came from Essos in waves: the First Men displacing the druids and giants, then came the Andals who pushed the First Men further north and assimilated the survivors, and finally by the Rhoynar, a matriarch-ish society that fled the destruction of their homeland and finally found a home in Dorne. Ironborn (not!Vikings from western islands) are also of note, since despite their First Men ancestry, they developed an entirely different religion and culture based off raiding due to the barren sea-rocks they inhabit ([[Deep Ones|and possibly also influenced by weird creepy things living in the water that lived on the islands before they did]])

For thousand years Westeros was an utter mess of seven-ish kingdoms vying for supremacy. But while they were busy banging rocks together, the Eastern continent, Essos, was united by the <s>elves</s> magical dragon-riders powered by incest. The Valyrians would expand all over Essos, but their only presence in Westeros was a small island outpost (later named Dragonstone). At one point, however, the daughter of a minor noble family, Daenys Targaryen, had prophetic dreams about the death of her country, which forced her father to flee alongside his family and most valuable possessions (five dragons and some magic shit). His rivals in power laughed at him, but he turned to be right as a gigantic volcanic eruption obliterated Valyria and started the age of anarchy in Essos

The Targaryens did fuck all for a little over a century, until the ambitious lord Aegon grew tired of sister-fucking and decided to forge his own kingdom in Westeros. Even though his army was tiny and he was facing off against the full might of an entire continent, he also had '''dragons''', which in ASOIAF can grow to comically large proportions, and allowed him to wipe the floor with anyone dumb enough to stand against him. Just to make a point, he burnt down *the* largest fortress in Westeros ''in a single night'', melting down stone walls with dragonfire and leaving it cursed for centuries. Though, because the Targs were so reliant on dragons, the only Kingdom they couldn't conquer was [[Dune|Dorne]], who [[Tallarn|mujahideen]]'d their way to a truce after killing one of the sister-wives' dragons with a Ballista and (probably) threatening Aegon with the knowledge that they were willing to spend their entire Kingdom's wealth to hire [[Callidus Assassin|magical assassins]] to end the Targaryen line.

The Targaryens ruled for 280 years, but their rule was also marked by lots of shitty kings (because of the rampant incest), but also by rebelling bastards (who were the result of non-incest). Somewhere along the way, magic began to leave the world. Spells were no longer as effective and the price for such magic became steeper and steeper (which is why most magic in the "present" requires blood or sacrifice of some sort). This was most evident in Westeros when the dynasty's dragons became successively smaller and smaller; it also probably didn't help that they raised them in a coliseum-style Vault and also only had 5 dragons to start with. The dynasty's fate was sealed in the "Dance of Dragons" which was an internal conflict between Targaryens and the last real war to include dragons and dragonriders.

Their ultimate downfall came just before the beginning of the series, when Prince Rhaegar (supposedly) kidnapped the bride of a powerful lord Robert Baratheon and the Mad King killed her father and brother, who just wanted her back, triggering a rebellion that they lost and once again setting the stage for a Seven Kingdom free-for-all.

==Characters==
{{cleanup}}
Since these books have some thousand named characters, you won't remember most of them without an obsessive disorder over details.
Here's a relatively shortlist (mostly based on the TV series rather than the books, but seems to randomly switch between the two) for the characters you'll care about. We'll also be making an effort to mostly focus on characters from the main series, rather than historical figures like Maegor Targaryen, the Dance of Dragons Blacks and Greens, and so on. Trust us, given the number of characters we already have to cover, it's for the best. The houses listed here doesn't even come close to covering them all, either.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">
===House Stark===

''"Winter Is Coming"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Honourable, bro-tier northerners who always [[Space Wolves|compare themselves to direwolves and have a few as pets]]. They have a tendency towards being so resolutely honorable that proves to bite them in the ass due to naivete about how [[Tzeentch|Westerosi corrupt politics actually works]] (not that dishonorable characters often fare any better, but that's an "Anyone Can Die" setting for you). They're also arguably the protagonists of the setting. Basically Scotland and/or House Lancaster in the War of the Roses (but named after House York).
* Eddard Stark, ''The Quiet Wolf'': Patriarch, lord and POV death-puppet. Not nearly as stupid as everyone tries to pretend...but still kind of stupid, and very much a dead man walking. Honorable to a fault and deeply repulsed by the politicking that goes on around him, which eventually leads to a mild case of death by decapitation. Has somewhat of a mixed reputation among the big players of Westeros; Jamie Lannister despises Ned for judging him for breaking his oath and saving millions of people in King's Landing and never listening to his side of the story, Littlefinger hates him for much, much pettier reasons (as outlined further below). Varys and Tyrion both kind of admire him, but were in agreement over the fact that Ned did the worst possible thing at the most inconvenient time and ultimately got what was coming to him.
* Benjen Stark: Ned's ranger/Night's Watch brother (so the Faramir to his Boromir), who disappears later in the story and may or may not be the mysterious "Coldhands" (in the TV show he is).
* Robb Stark, ''The Young Wolf'': Shiny, King Arthur-like hero who veers between being [[Lawful Stupid]] and [[Lion El'Johnson|a brilliant military leader]]. After waging a successful war to avenge his murdered father, he was betrothed to a noblewoman but he ended having comfort sex with a virgin noblewoman which may have been arranged by her scheming bitch mother, while in softcore porno he got the hots for a commoner. Cacks it nastily: he got his head cut off and his pet's wolf's head stuck on his body, which was paraded around while his enemies chanted "HERE COMES THE KING IN THE NORTH!" In other words, he's a Scottish [[Roman Empire|Hannibal Barca]]. In the show his pregnant wife dies with him for added Grimdark, but in the books he (wisely) leaves her behind when he goes to the Red Wedding.
* Sansa Stark: Useless teenage girl extraordinaire at the start of the series with dreams of marrying a prince and "having lots of babies", but gets shat on hard by reality, being a case-study in what happens when you go into a Grimdark world thinking like a Fairy Tale Princess. Becomes Littlefinger's replacement goldfish when Catelyn's no longer around, her father got killed and her best friend was sold as a sex slave, and ended up in the worst relationship we can possibly imagine with King Joffrey. [[Grimdark|Even got deflowered via rape by Ramsey Bolton]] and married to him before managing to escape with the help of others. Currently acting as a co-ruler to her brother/cousin Jon Snow, and has learned much from her suffering, allowing her to kick Littlefinger out of the Great Game via throat slitting. While in the book Littlefinger is/was setting her up at House Arryn to claim the Vale and the North, the show version becomes QUEEN IN DA NORF in the final episode.
* Arya Stark: Little tomboy assassin. Has a kill list, but doesn't get to use it so long as she is an amnesiac apprentice of [[Officio Assassinorum|the Friendly Neighborhood Assassins Guild]]. In the books, she's still training with the Faceless Men, but in the show she's broken away from them and headed back to Westeros to get revenge on a LOT of people, giving her one of the highest kill counts in the series. She goes home to Winterfell when she hears that Jon and Sansa took it back and starts acting as a general "troubleshooter" for Sansa while scaring the hell out of everyone with all her new assassin skillz. Kills the Night King like a fucking champion in Season 8 (though in a way that doesn't actually make any sense), then rides south to add Cersei to her body count. Instead, the Hound talks her out of it and she [[The Lord of the Rings|decides to sail into the unknown west]]. Kind of the [[Mary Sue|writer's pet]] in the show, among other things getting to avenge the Red Wedding in a brutally cinematic manner even though Dumb and Dumber justified giving us a pregnant woman getting stabbed to death on-screen because Game of Thrones is above "cliches" like loved ones getting avenged in just such a way. And her aforementioned killing of the Night King that doesn't actually make any sense, since it required her getting the drop on him in a way that was ''physically impossible without out-of-universe special effects equipment''. Book version is still level-grinding to get to her TV version's skill level.
* Catelyn Stark (nee Tully): A woman who trusts the wrong people at the worst time, causing a lot of misery. Gets killed along with Robb, then comes back (books only) as Lady Stoneheart, an undead witch bent on killing all the Boltons, Freys, Greyjoys, Lannisters... pretty much everyone she thinks was tangentially involved in betraying her and her family, or somebody who just pissed her off (kind of hard to blame her though). The show writers left this part out completely, which caused much [[rage]] and [[skub]] in the fandom.
* Bran Stark: Intelligent little boy, named after the founder of House Stark, Brandon the Builder (basically Tony Stark combined with [[Leman Russ]]). He was crippled in the first sign of major [[GrimDark]]. Has prophetic dreams and becomes a [[druid]]. In the TV series, fucks things up by alerting the Others to where he's hiding, which gets all of the Children, his loyal wolf, the Three-Eyed Crow and Hodor killed. For good measure, turns out to have accidentally ''caused'' Hodor to become, well, Hodor, as he was using his druid powers to figure out why Hodor is only able to say Hodor, resulting in Hodor's gruesome death-by-zombies being beamed directly into young Hodor's brain. He's now the Three-Eyed Raven and likes going around being creepy as fuck and generally weirding people out. Becomes King of the <s>Seven</s> Six Kingdoms in a hilariously nonsensical plot twist in the finale.
* Rickon Stark: Four years old at the start, turning into a real little [[Barbarian]] from not being raised properly, because everyone who would have raised him was dead or missing. In the books, he and his wildling nanny Osha are on the cannibal-infested island of Skagos, and Davos Seaworth is on his way there to pick them up so that the northern lords who are still loyal to House Stark have a figurehead to rally behind. In the show, he ends up hanging out at the Umbers, then is handed over to Ramsay as a prisoner when Smalljon becomes afraid of the Wildlings living north of him (who were invited by Jon Snow to fight the Zombie Apocalypse), and finally dies via arrow in a sick game of "dodge the missiles" courtesy of Ramsey.
* Jon Snow, ''The White Wolf'': A bastard living in the Stark household before leaving for the Night's Watch (basically [[The Last Chancers|Colonel Schaeffer]] with more convicted rapists under his command) and excels there because nearly every one of his fellow recruits are peasants who have never had a formal days of training while Jon has had the serious training afforded to all lords. After he takes over by becoming the Watch Commander secures and alliance with the Wildlings, ancient barbarian enemies of the Night's Watch, because when the end of the world is coming you tend to think outside the box. Also gets a Wildling girlfriend, but she dies. He was taken under the wing by the Lord Commander Jora Mormont and given advice by Aemon (a Targaryen who is so '''old''' that everyone south has forgotten he existed, and unbeknownst to him, his great-great-granduncle), and managed to actually be a competent leader: after a disastrous loss of strength after the failure of the Great Ranging, and then the Wildling invasion, he unilaterally decides to let the Wildlings through in exchange for their aid in securing the Wall against the real enemy; he even impresses Stannis (The Mannis) with his honor and sense of justice. [[Grimdark|And then, all the corrupt exiles from the South (and the rejects who were left behind during the Ranging) banded together to kill him]].
**Though he's currently dead in the books as a result of mutiny, he was revived by R'hllor in the series after being stabbed to death by the senior members of the Watch. Isn't actually Eddard's bastard son, but rather the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, meaning that he is, in fact, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. The new KING IN DA NORF according to his supporters after he killed Ramsay Bolton and took back Winterfell, and is also currently hooking up with his own aunt.
**He turns on Daenerys once he realizes she's lost it and kills her in the throne room, but [[Plot Armor|for some reason her dragon doesn't kill him despite seeing him do the the deed]]. The Unsullied want his head, but instead, King Bran exiles him to the Night's Watch and he fucks off into the far north to live with the Free Folk.
* Hodor: Hodor. Hodor, Hodor, Hodor. <s>An enormous and possibly retarded stable boy, and Bran's faithful steed.</s> Hodor. Ok, in all actual seriousness, this guy is probably one of the most tragic figures in this series (and that's saying something). [[Grimdark|The guy basically received horrible visions of his own death fighting a horde of zombies, buying time for his friends to escape by literally holding the door shut as he was hacked apart]]. This causes him to suffer a mental break, leading him to develop Immature Personality Disorder and making it so the only thing he can say is a garbled version of his friend's last request "hold the door" for all of his adult life; the logic here is that "hold the door" devolves into "hol' th' door" and eventually "Hodor". You now feel bad for at laughing at the guy.
* Osha: A Wildling woman who surrendered to the Starks and becomes their servant in exchange for not getting killed. Now dead in the show thanks to Ramsay's dickery, costing the cast another valued waifu.</div></div>

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">

===House Targaryen===

''"Fire and Blood"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The former Dragon kings and rulers of Westeros, [[Eldar|fair-haired purple-eyed beautiful people]] who have descended from the [[Dark Age of Technology|ancient technologically-advanced superpower]] of [[Roman Empire|Valyria]], which collapsed because of [[Fall of the Eldar|their colossal hubris]]. After the anarchic [[Age of Strife|Century of Blood]], the Targaryen patriarch Aegon I, instead of reconquering the lost cause of Essos and of Valyria's former empire, looked towards the rather primitive continent of Westeros, and its squabbling Seven Kingdoms, [[Great Crusade|to establish his own Imperial dynasty and unify the Realm]]. Aegon I is essentially the Low Fantasy version of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror William the Conqueror] and/or the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], with a little dash of [[/d/|incest]].

[[Rules Lawyer|Thanks to a loophole]], the Targaryens were immune to the moral objections relating to incest. Common sense (and common decency) took back seat to a time-honoured policy of [[/d/|catastrophic inbreeding]], which made a number of problems, the most obvious of which was that a whole bunch of them were fucking crazy. Aegon I married his older and younger sisters and had several kids with each, which would be the start of another Targaryen tradition: the occasional succession crisis. Because GRRM can't write a book without going off on a tangent (and because the Targaryens were running things for a good chunk of the setting's history), the Targaryens and their 300ish long legacy is full of rebellions and wars ripped from English History and in turn mined by HBO. Fun interregnums include the Dance of Dragons, where the Targaryens used the last of their dragons in a brutal civil-war against each other (and now a TV show), and the Blackfyre Rebellions, where the fat-fuck Aegon IV (who had Henry VII's opposite problems: he fucked everyone and had many heirs) legitimized all his bastards and even gifted one of them the dynasty's greatest treasure: the Blackfyre sword. Actually, considering how ''much'' of these rebellions were caused by half-Targaryen bastards, [[/d/|maybe they had a point?]]

Eventually, the lineage was banished to Essos after a brutal civil war: Aerys II, a crazy paranoid king that savagely executed many different people, made the wrong move of executing the Lord and Heir of the North; the two men were in King's Landing because Aery's son, Rhaegar, the '''non''-crazy one, eloped/abducted Robert Baratheon's fiance and their sister. Since he was already married and she was engaged, they left together in secret, which caused Robert the Cuck to go wild. Joining with Eddard, the new Lord of the North, and their teacher/foster-dad Jon Arryn, the three Kingdoms rebelled and Robert warhammered Rhaegar because STR > DEX.

The survivors were smuggled out/hidden from Robert, with Viserys and his then-pregnant mother hiding on their ancestral home of Dragonstone first, before fucking off to Essos when the war was truly lost; Rhaegar's ''first'' son and daughter were killed and his wife raped by the Lannister's bannermen, though Rhaegar's best friend [[Gay|who loved him very, very, very much]] claims to have helped sneak him out of Westeros and hides with him in Essos; finally, Rhaegar and Lyanna's son, Jon/Aegon, was adopted by Ned, who was made to realize that the entire civil war was a misunderstanding and that his whoremongering drunk of a foster brother would've probably been a terrible brother-in-law anyway. [[Grimdark]]. Basically, the entire British royal family, but with more incest, and a lot of dragons. Still, they occasionally did have genuinely good people like Aegon V (aka Egg), Jaeherys I the Conciliator, his wife Good Queen Alysanne and complete badasses like Brynden Bloodraven and Baelor Breakspear (too bad Bloodraven is hooked up to Old God wi-fi permanently and Breakspear died before he could become king).
Pseudo-Romans and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Normandy House of Normandy].

* Aerys II, ''The Mad King'': [[Kharn|A pretty fun guy to be around]]. Had a psychotic fascination for fire, which extended to being a psychotic fascination for burning traitors, a category of people that eventually grew to include anybody he disliked for any reason, anyone who disagreed with him, and a few people who were unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire. [[Goge Vandire|Teamkilled by his bodyguard Jaime for planning to burn the city down with everyone inside it, and even refused to accept his death until he actually died]].
* Daenerys Targaryen, ''Stormborn'': She was sold by her brother to a barbarian leader [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|Khal (warlord) Drogo]] in exchange for the promise that he'd use his Khalassar (Warband/tribe) to conquer Westeros. She found her self esteem as his wife, then her husband killed her idiot brother Viserys and promised to conquer the world for Daenerys, making her a full-fledged badass barbarian war queen. Unfortunately, her husband died when [[Derp|Daenerys trusted one of the slaves whose town Drogo had pillaged and burnt to heal an infected wound of his]] and his horde fell apart (though the book is somewhat ambiguous as to whether the slave did kill Drogo). Then she hatched three dragons (completely by accident when she tried to commit suicide) bringing them back from extinction, and now everyone wants to marry her because she is now one of the most powerful people around due to said dragons and being good-looking (in the books this is by the age-of-consent in Westeros standards, where girls are women when they start getting their periods and boys are men at age 13). [[Gets shit done]] except the entire fifth book, in which she mopes around about wanting to marry an annoying, flamboyant mercenary instead of saving herself for political marriage. After banging the flamboyant mercenary, she later marries a Meereenese noble who guarantees he can get her some peace (more likely [[Just As Planned|just as he planned]]).
**She also does nothing while insurgents kill her men, a horde of plagued refugees spread disease to her city and standing idly by while an enemy army besieges her walls, all for realistically political reasons because the world is a horrible place. Learns how to train her dragon. In the books she's just encountered another Khalassar after being hauled away from Meereen by Drogo. In the TV series, she takes over all the Dothraki and adds them to her army, then heads for Westeros to invade the place with her army of elite hoplites, massive horde of Dothraki and her dragons. By the time she gets to King's Landing she's taken significant losses, including two of her dragons, and is fucking her nephew (Jon Snow). Officially went Mad Queen as of S8E5, wherein she burned most of King's Landing after the city attempted to surrender and has decided to "liberate" everyone on the planet, whether they want it or not. Jon kills her in the series finale so that she won't go around burninating the rest of the world.
* The dragons: The three dragons that Daenerys hatched. They're wyverns that breathe fire, [[Awesome|have blood hot enough to melt steel]], and [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|cook their meat before eating it]]. Naturally, some of the coolest things in the story.
** Drogon; named for her late husband, Khal Drogo. Black and red, the biggest and [[Gork|most aggressive dragon]]. Starts eating people and then escapes, leading to the other two getting imprisoned. Interrupts a gladiator tournament, killing a lot of people before being whipped by Daenerys into flying her to a Khalassar that broke off from her husband's after his death. In the show, he's the last dragon standing after Viserion bites it north of the Wall and his undead body is put down at Winterfell and Rhaegal gets shot down over Dragonstone. Takes Dany's body, destroys the Iron Throne and fucks off to who knows where after Dany is killed.
** Rhaegal; named for the first of her dead brothers, Rhaegar. Green and gold, the [[Mork|cunning one]] and the loudest (with a roar "...that would have sent a hundred lions fleeing,"). Kills Quentyn Martell when the latter is trying to goad Viserion (see below). After breaking out of jail with Viserion they go "all your base are belong to us" on Meereen, killing people and taking over the pyramid of a loyal family as his lair. Last seen playing "sack the town" with Viserion in the books. Dead in the show thanks to Euron Greyjoy and some Diabolus ex Machina bullshit.
** Viserion; named for her other brother Viserys. White and gold and the [[Vulkan|friendliest]] (as dragons go, he still eats people). Dug cave for himself in his jail then moved into another pyramid after his and his brother's great escape. Gets killed by the [[Vampire Counts|Night's King in the show via a magic spear, then his corpse is reanimated to be the Night King's zombie dragon steed]] and blasts a hole in the famous Wall, allowing the armies of snow elves and zombies to start flooding Westeros. Now perma-dead thanks to the Night King biting it.
* Viserys Targaryen, ''The Beggar King'': Daenerys' physically abusive older brother. Best known for being a bully with incestuous lust for her, and an arrogant and incompetent fuck with a massive sense of entitlement. He eventually got himself killed for being an all-around jerk and whiny idiot, which culminated in him threatening his sister and unborn nephew with a sword while drunk in a sacred Dothraki place where weapons and bloodshed are forbidden on pain of death (execution is done by bloodless death - having a scarf wrapped tight around the neck and being drowned in a barrel). Daenerys' husband [[awesome|poured molten gold over his head and called it his promised crown, also ensuring his death didn't technically shed any blood in their sacred place]].
* Aegon Targaryen, ''Aegon VI'': Daenerys' nephew, the son of her brother Rhaegar. Been hiding in Essos for the entire length of the series, but recently raised an army of Westerosi exiles and threw them all a massive Welcome Home party with rape and pillage. Wants to marry his aunt because she has dragons, ''and might not actually be a member of House Targaryen'' if you believe some fans. He can actually count past 6, can multiply numbers, can read different language and has a minor understanding of geometry thus cementing him as one of the most educated people in this overwrought series. Can also do his own laundry.
**Like Dany, he has his own band of misfits following him around. While Dany has Dothraki and Unsullied, Aegon has '''The Golden Company''', a mercenary company of ten thousand, descended from the forces loyal to the Blackfyre bastards. The Golden Company has a long and storied history of invading Westeros and failing, which has led to the theories that Aegon is really a Blackfyre. Because of their long history and descent from actual nobles, the Golden Company is nothing like the mercenary rabble common in the rest of the series, even having dedicated knight, archer, and War Elephant divisions.
* Brynden Rivers ''Bloodraven'': A Targaryen bastard who came to prominence about a hundred years before the series as a sort of sorcerer, he later became known as the "Three-Eyed Raven/Crow" after encountering the Children of the Forest, and uses his powers to help advert the Long Night and train Bran. He's described as having long, white hair, missing an eye, bound to a tree, knows all and sees all, associated heavily with ravens and omens... [[Vikings|yeah, he's very much Odin, come to think of it. Just a lot more of an asshole than the Warrior King of legend.]]
**In his prime, he was pretty much just Loki. The Spymaster ''and'' Hand of the King during the Blackfyre Rebellions (a rebellion of all Aegon IV's many bastards, [[Troll|who he legitimized on his deathbed because that's how he rolled]]), he was one of the few to remain loyal. He was a sorceror and had a spy network so thorough, it was a commmon-joke that the [[Magnus the Red|one-eyed]] sorcerer had "[[Thousand Sons|a thousand eyes]], and [[Tzeentch|one]]" He had his own elite unit of archers that solved the first rebellion by sticking the claimant, his heir, and finally his twin, full of arrows.
**Exiled to the Night's Watch after assassinating after assassinating a Blackfyre after promising him safe passage, a running theme in ASOIAF.
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===House Lannister===

''"Hear Me Roar"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Monopoly|Westeros' richest family]], proud, pompous, selfish and fabulous assholes. Not much of a martial tradition but if you cross them [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7t7cnwlOgY they will fucking cut you]. You can tell they are the bad guys because they have an army of sick fucks, including a zebra-riding mercenary band and 7' 8" Khornate Champion <s>not-Goliath</s> Gregor Clegane. House York (though named after House Lancaster) combined with the House of Rothschild and the Mafia. Their unofficial motto is "A Lannister Always Pays His Debts"
* Tywin Lannister, ''The Lion of Lannister'': The Godfather, head of the house, and obsessed with his reputation as a Magnificent Bastard extraordinaire. Lawful Evil Personified. He was a most feared general whose greatest achievement was [[Exterminatus|erasing House Reyne from existence]], which was immortalised in his own sweet-yet-creepy-as-fuck theme song (The Rains of Castamere) that became used as a warning against anyone standing against him. During his tenure as Hand of the King (i.e. Prime Minister), he was a political genius who operated as the true power behind the Iron Throne, keeping the realm stable and prosperous despite the stupidity of Aerys II and Joffrey. However, despite all of his achievements, he's an [[Emperor|absolutely terrible father]], who treats his children as nothing more than tools to further his political agenda. He completely overlooks the incestuous relationship his two oldest children had, and hated Tyrion and made his life a living hell for very poor reasons. He humiliated Tyrion whenever it wouldn't threaten the family's reputation, berated Tyrion for being a whore-monger despite secretly being one himself (this is ''only'' in the show), [[Grimdark|tried to get him killed multiple times]], and as the capstone of awful parenting, he taught Tyrion not to marry commoners after he married one called Tysha - by forcing Tyrion to watch Tysha get gang-raped, forcing him to rape her too and then annulling their marriage. The only person Tywin truly loved was his wife. He eventually gets his comeuppance when Tyrion finds out the truth about the Tysha incident and kills him with a crossbow, all while mentioning that out of all his children, Tyrion was the most alike to Tywin himself. He's based on [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Neville,_16th_Earl_of_Warwick Warwick the Kingmaker].
* Joanna Lannister: Tywin's late wife and first cousin, meaning the next three characters are inbred as well, ironically. Dies giving birth to Tyrion, which is part of why Tywin hates him, though Cersei hates him for other reasons. Caught wind of Cersei and Jaime's incestuous tendencies, but she died before she could tell Tywin. It is implied that her ghost visits Jaime in a dream and mourns the current state of her family.
* Cersei Lannister, ''Bitch Queen'': Tywin and Joanna's first child. Twin sister to Jaime Lannister and wife to King Robert Baratheon. She fucks her brother Jaime all the time and had three of his children, whom she passed off as Robert's to grab power. She is a massive narcissist who thinks of herself as "female Tywin" and hence seeks to rule Westeros as the Queen, and will do anything to keep her power... even when [[Abbadon the Despoiler|most of her plans end up becoming utter failures]]. Crazy as all fuck and prophesied to be killed by the "little brother." This is because of a prophecy made by a witch, Cersei was a child that she'd be a beautiful queen, lose everything, her children would die before her, and the "Valonqar" would kill her. Though that does explain why she hates Tyrion as hard as all fuck, [[Just As Planned|the exact translation of the term]] that was used is "younger sibling", and not necessarily her sibling, which opens the door to all sorts of characters who hate the fuck out of her. Since Jaime is technically younger by a few seconds, him killing Cersei would be an interesting twist not without buildup. Possibly the Witch was messing with her head because of what a bitch Cersei was being to her, something Cersei never grew out of. Cersei is currently alive only because Varys wants her to be, [[Just As Planned|as she's a terrible queen who'll destabilize the realm enough for him to bring back the Targaryens]]. She was completely shaved, stripped of power in all but her royal heritage and forced to do a nude walk of penance throughout the city by the High Sparrow (ASOIAF Pope- equivalent/[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther Martin Luther] except he won the Reformation) after he uncovered her crimes. Now she's waiting for her hair to grow back and maybe thinking of revenge.
**She gets it in the show by blowing up the Great Sept of Baelor (ASOIAF [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canterbury_Cathedral Canterbury Cathedral]) with everyone she doesn't like inside it, having her cousin killed near the Wildfire, killing Tyene Sand with the same poison that Tyene used on Myrcella and forcing Ellaria to watch, then capturing the nun who was her jailer and [[Grimdark|leaving her to be tortured to death by zombie Gregor Clegane]]. She is in short [[Thanquol]] disguised as a beautiful blonde woman. Gets anticlimactically squashed by a collapsing ceiling along with Jaime during Daenerys's assault on King's Landing. (her biggest issue? Not dying sooner, for the Seven's sake!)
* Jaime Lannister, ''The Kingslayer'': Younger twin brother (by about three seconds) to Cersei Lannister and commander of the Kingsguard. He loves his sister in every sense of the word and had three children with her. Killed the last king despite his oath, and is widely hated for it, even though everyone agrees that dying was a massive improvement for Aerys. The reason for this betrayal was that Aerys had a huge stockpile of Acme Brand Magic Napalm stockpiled under the city, ready to be set off the moment a siege broke through the town walls, and Jaime's options were to let it happen or kill Aerys before the crazy fuck got ''everybody'' killed. His desire to openly love his sister and win the respect he feels he deserves eventually causes Cersei to reject him. Starts off as an arrogant douche who [[Grimdark|tried to murder Bran Stark, but accidentally crippled him instead]]; as the series progressed he became progressively more bro-tier besides the whole wants-to-fuck-his-sister thing, though he eventually begins to question even this devotion after seeing what a bitch she is when she comes to power. He genuinely loves Tyrion, so much so that he actually went off on his own to get him back after he heard Catelyn had him imprisoned in the Vale. He gets freed by Robb and goes on a journey through Westeros, loses his arm, and gets a lesson in valour and knighthood from Brienne of Tarth. He starts to question his legacy after his son Joffrey makes him Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, a position that was only made available because Joff expelled the Knight who had actually earned it. Since Joff and Cersei had filled the Kingsguard with sycophants and their own thugs, Jaime's role as the Lord Commander has left a bad taste in his mouth because he is now the leader of probably the least prestigious iteration of the Kingsguard ever. Basically, [[Sigvald|Sigvald the Magnificent]] currently in the midst of a redemption arc. In the books, he is currently being lured into a trap by Lady Stoneheart.
**In the show, he has finally told Cersei to get fucked after realizing that she has well and truly lost it, and rode north to help fight the White Walkers. He survived the Battle of Winterfell, hooked up with Brienne, and then rides south [[Derp|because he just can't let Cersei go.]] Winds up getting shanked by Euron Greyjoy and dies [[Fail|via collapsing ceiling]].
* Tyrion Lannister, ''Halfman'': a very intelligent dwarf who is awesome, but hated by everyone, either because of his deformity, or because he's a Lannister. The few people who treat him well is an uncle that went missing, his brother Jaime, Jon Snow who learned a lot from him, and Varys, who at first saw him as an asset, but grew to admire his political abilities and intellect, even declaring him a friend. He seems to do much better when getting drunk with whores, rogues, bastards and barbarians. His silver tongue is one of his greatest strengths (he's witty and good at persuading people) and weaknesses (he tends to think himself to be way more clever than he actually is, which mainifests in him being quick with insults and the truth in a city ruled by sociopaths and liars). Tyrion is also one of the only characters with an actual sense of the bigger picture, and an interest toward steering the world toward an outcome that ''doesn't'' involve a [[The End Times|Warhammer End Times]] scenario. **Unfortunately, the world's movers, shakers, and those who generally have the power to make a difference are increasingly either a) dead, b) scattered to the winds or c) hate his dwarf guts. Despite the increasing difficulty and fruitlessness of his task, however, [[Awesome|Tyrion still fights]]. After being framed for killing Joffrey, he killed his own father and fled Westeros. In the books, he is currently in exile in the Free Cities, weaselling his way into leading a merc band and trying to sign them up with Daenerys' forces, recognizing her as one of the few chances Westeros has got of fixing its shit (provided she can get her own shit together, which she's having a bit of trouble with).
**Since characters in this series tend to either be walking tropes, rip-offs of other fantasy characters, or historical people with different names, Tyrion is probably based on the great [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miles_Vorkosigan Miles Vorkosigan] (who was himself based on a few people including Sir Winston Churchill) and is a nod to King Richard III (a deformed but competent king later demonized by historiographers of his era). Even if he is usually the smartest one in the room at any given time, though, Tyrion is still not above having some derp moments. Exhibit A, when Tyrion asked his father what happened to his first wife (right before killing him), he took an ''obvious'' "I don't know and I don't care" response ("Wherever whores go") as if it was literal directions, and afterward keeps asking random people if they know where whores go, with predictable reactions. (Admittedly he'd just killed his ex and was probably in the middle of some serious PTSD at the time, which is not great for your brain.) The show version eventually meets Daenerys and becomes her Hand only to [[Fail|fuck up a bunch of stuff]] and lose her trust. He sells her out when he realizes that she's gone round the bend and winds up becoming Hand to King Bran.
**Don't confuse TV Tyrion with book Tyrion. Book Tyrion is every bit as amoral and vindictive as many view him as and waaaaay more of a grey character, especially after his exile from Westeros, where he pulls off some truly despicable shit out of spite and his own self-loathing (for example, forming a genuine romantic connection with a fellow dwarf woman, then abuse the shit out of her). TV Tyrion pretty much becomes the audiences avatar from season 6 onwards. His entire character is robbed of any agency in order to make D&D look smart and give big moral lessons to Daenerys (which make no sense within the context of the show).
* Kevan Lannister: Tywin's younger brother, considered "the reliable one". One of the few decent Lannisters, though saying that he is perfectly happy carrying out Tywin's bidding. Tried to talk sense into Cersei and was later called in to try and fix her mess. He did such a good job of it that Varys decided to personally thank him. With a crossbow. And a group of knife-wielding children. In the show he dies with the rest of the crowd when the Great Sept got nuked by Cersei - the manner of his book death was given over to Grand Maester Pycelle at the exact same time.
* Lancel Lannister: Kevan's son, Tywin's nephew and Tyrion, Jamie and Cersei's cousin. A callow, spoilt but well-meaning nobleman. Pretty much Joffery but mentally stable, not sadistic and capable of compassion and honor. Enters a sexual relationship with his cousin Cersei when Jamie is captured, which Tyrion uncovers and uses to blackmail Lancel into spying for him. He later has a religious experience after nearly dying and joins the Poor Fellows of the Faith of the Seven, gives up his incestuous relationship and tries to convert several of his family members (somewhat successfully with Kevan, unsuccessfully with Cersei). Still alive in the books.
**In the show, he reports Cersei to the High Sparrow (rather than the High Sparrow cleverly uncovering Cersei's plan and trapping her) and dies horribly. Cersei deliberately set him up for a particularly agonizing and drawn-out end; he's lured into a catacomb under the sept that contains a massive cache of wildfire, gets his spinal cord severed so he can't walk, and is left where he can see candles sitting in a pool of wildfire just a little too far away for him to reach it in time, so that he [[Grimdark|spends his last moments vainly trying to avert a horrible catastrophe before being incinerated]].
* Cersei and Robert's (actually Jaime's) children:
** Joffrey Baratheon: Spoiled brat and sociopath to the extreme. He's basically [[Sigvald]] during his teenage years (and likely inspired [[Phil Kelly|Kelly]] to make the character Sigvald). "Heir" of the throne, and the technical king of Westeros during the War of the Five Kings since he lives in King's Landing and sits on the throne. Turned out to be worse than Aerys. He died and there was much rejoicing. [[Fail|Except by his mother, who instead had sex on his corpse]]. Fourteen years old at the time of his death.
** Tommen Baratheon: The new king on the Iron Throne. Nine years old. Married to a teenaged shotacon wife who's (unknown to him) the granddaughter of his brother's true killer. Trying to litigate the criminalization of beets. Loves [[Cats|kittens]]. He's pretty well-rounded and non-fucked up, which is a miracle considering his parents, both putative and biological. Also seems to be trying to take kinging seriously, but his mom is trying to quash that in her subliminal attempt to hold power indefinitely, so whether it holds is another matter entirely. Prophesied to die before Cersei, which is doubly tragic due to his age and being a much better person than her.
**In the show, he commits suicide after Cersei blows up the Great Sept (head office of the fantasy knockoff Church of England), killing his godfather, great-uncle, wife, and all his religious friends, because of course her power hunger was more important than his happiness and well being.
** Myrcella Baratheon: Princess, and Cersei and "Robert's" second oldest child. Ten years old. In order to appease the Martells, Tyrion arranges a marriage with her and the youngest Martell, which pissed off everyone. In the books, she had her face fucked up because of Arianne Martell's amateur intrigues, which overlapped with poor planning, general stupidity, and another guy's backstabbing. Before the maiming, she was quite decent and non-evil. Who knows how she'll turn out now with half of her face cut off. Also prophesied to die before Cersei.
**In the show, she had a crush on Oberyn's surviving nephew but was killed by Elia in revenge for Oberyn's death, but alive in the books though missing an ear. Also, the readership all got on George's balls for maiming this girl, mostly because it was a sign that he had run out of ideas and was basically just milking Diabolus ex Machina ([[Just As Planned|or that's what he wants us to think]]).
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===House Baratheon===

''"Ours is the Fury"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Ascended to the Iron Throne after a successful rebellion against the Mad King Aerys II Targaryen. Produces no less than three claimants to the succession, each one very different from the other. Technically a cadet branch of House Targaryen as their founder Orys was allegedly a Targaryen bastard, who took the original Storm Kings (House Durrandon) deer sigil after killing the last one and fucking his only child Argella and then 200 odd years later, King Egg's daughter married their grandfather. They're pretty much the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Plantagenet House of Plantagenet].
* Robert Baratheon, ''The Usurper'': Fat, old, former badass who led the rebellion, and now the king who married Cersei Lannister. Then he fucked a bunch of other women and had lots of illegitimate kids. He was killed while mixing boar hunting and drinking, but whether this death was planned or not is uncertain. On the surface, a king with a thing for easy laughs and partying; right underneath the surface, he's irresponsible and leaves the actual ruling of a nation to his staff, deeper under the surface he's pretty much a sad, lonely old bro who would rather not have been king. Comparable to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_IV_of_England Henry IV], in that both were powerfully built military geniuses who overthrew the existing monarchy and later succumbed to an unhealthy lifestyle.
* Stannis '''The Mannis''' Baratheon: Robert's younger brother, an all-around badass who swings between [[Lawful Stupid]] (more so in the show than the books) and [[gets shit done|getting shit done]]. [[Judge Dredd|believes so strongly in the rule of law]] that he feels compelled to take the Iron Throne for himself despite wanting nothing to do with it. Is advised by a priestess of the God of light, Melisandre, and a lowborn smuggler named Davos Seaworth raised to knighthood and nobility. [[C.S Goto|His character is ruined in the show into an incompetent pawn of Melisandre and gets killed off just because one of the showrunners didn't like him]].
** Shireen Baratheon: Stannis's kid daughter. The sweet, charming, and intelligent little lady who was left with a deformity on her face from a disease called greyscale. Teaches Davos how to read, and is probably the most innocent person in the series alongside Tommen, Myrcella and a few others. Being the grim and dark universe A Song of Ice and Fire is, however, this means that she's likely going to end up becoming fuel for a vicious fire god. In the show she does, but in the books, she is safe and sound since Stannis isn't stupid enough to bring him with her while campaigning. His wife, on the other hand, being such an idiotic fanatical pyromaniac... well, her odds aren't exactly looking that great.
* Renly Baratheon, ''That Gay Guy'': Robert and Stannis's youngest brother. Took Loras Tyrell (a.k.a. Knight of Flowers, Pretty Boy, etc.) as his lover. Decided he was better suited to be king, though the bizarre and outdated laws of the land stated Stannis was next in line (though Joffrey and then Tommen were first since they were [[Pretend|officially]] Bobby B's legitimate kids). Was hugely popular since he had Robert's charisma, which led to him getting the most support, but he lacked Stannis's conviction and devotion to the duty of actually doing the work of a king, or even Robert's ability to wage war. Killed by Melisandre with some "help" by Stannis ''The Mannis'' for trying to steal his crown, though in the books Stannis may not have been completely aware of the role he played in Renly's death. He's basically [[That Guy]] of ASOIAF, since quite a lot of shit is his fault, indirectly or otherwise.
*Gendry Baratheon, the Bastard Son. One of Robert's many, many bastard children, and the one who gets the most page and screen time. He starts out as a humble blacksmith in King's Landing, who first comes to Ned's attention when Lord Stark is investigating the death of Jon Arryn. From there, he gets shipped off to the Night's Watch to avoid the imminent purge of Robert's bastards and winds up becoming friends with Arya and Hot Pie. After some adventuring and sexual tension with Arya (at least in the show), he joins the Brotherhood Without Banners. In the show, they sell him to Melisandre so she can use him for a blood magic ritual, while in the books he just goes on being a smith and doesn't get involved in anything particularly weird or shady. He's helping run an inn as a Brotherhood front/orphanage when he reappears in the books, but in the show, Ser Davos sets him free and tells him to fuck off, which he does for a few seasons. He eventually turns up back in King's Landing, where Davos finds him and recruits him (and his comically oversized LARPing hammer) for Team Snow. He helps Jon capture a wight to show Cersei, makes dragonglass weapons for the Army of the Living, hooks up with Arya, and fights in the Battle of Winterfell, after which Daenerys legitimizes him as the new lord of House Baratheon.</div></div>

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===House Tully===

''"Family, Duty, Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Lords of the central riverlands. Being the obligatory central nation they spend a lot of the series being fought over like a cake in between fat kids. Basically Poland/the Netherlands, given they have so many rivers and how hard they've been fucked over.
*Edmure Tully: Basically the SoIaF universe's eternal butt monkey (because he happens to be a decent fucking person). Despite being an okay guy, he's also a useless ponce with a dense streak a mile wide and a bad habit of bragging about things he shouldn't be proud of. It took hanging in a stockade for a few months to make him experience some growth. When Jaime was brought in to unfuck the situation and end the siege at Riverrun, Jaime's "negotiation" pressured him into convincing his house to surrender, but he made sure [[Troll|that Brynden got out first]]. In the books, he's currently spending his days at the Lannister house as a hostage to make sure that the Tullys don't try to ruin the situation again.
**In the show, he disappears until the final episode, [[Fail|where he tries to make a case for himself as king]] only to get shut down by Sansa.
*Lord Hoster Tully: In GoT the only act he committed of any note was to die. In the books however he is arguably, though inadvertently, the most destructive character once you've delved into his history. The man looked down upon peasants, cripples, bastards, and broken things, which influenced his daughters and primed them for their mistreatment of such through their travels (especially Catelyn's immediate suspicion of Tyrion, [[What|despite the charge and evidence making little sense, but because he's a "Monster" of course he must have done it]]). He denied Tywin's offer to marry Tyrion to Lysa for said reasons, but he also denied Lysa to marry Petyr because of his low birth and her value of being married off to a higher bidder, even if their age differed by at least 50 years and she was pregnant with Petyr's child. He responded to this pregnancy by forcefully aborting the child via drinking Moon Tea, without her knowledge (something he would have nightmares about approaching his death). Not only did this nearly cause her death, but it destroyed her reproductive system resulting in 5 miscarriages and 2 stillbirths (an event that would lead her to aggressive paranoia so fervent that she killed her husband to prevent being separated from her only living child). All of these actions unfortunately spiraled into helping cause The War of the Five Kings.
*Brynden Tully ''the Blackfish'': He didn't catch the memo that he was part of the joke faction, and proceeds to spend the entire series fucking Lannister shit up and generally being a boss. Thought to be the black sheep in a family of fish (Thus "Blackfish", geddit?), but in spite of that status held true to the family, continuing to hold Riverrun for Robb in spite of the war pretty much being lost. When Edmure surrendered Riverrun, he escaped by swimming under the portcullis and escaping into the river, causing everyone to shit themselves because he's totally coming for revenge. Also widely accepted by the fans to be a closeted homosexual.
**In the HBO show, he gets killed when resisting arrest from Tully forces by order of Edmure. [[Rage|And it happens offscreen.]]</div></div>

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===House Arryn===

''"As High as Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Mountain lords turned [[NEET|neurotic shut ins]]. Goes through lords about as quickly as you would expect a castle equipped with a door that opens into empty air. Basically Switzerland/Afghanistan, seeing as how they stayed neutral in the War of Five Kings, their land is covered by nothing but mountains, and they're constantly fighting with the local tribes. They were being entertainingly screwed over by Littlefinger until his death.
*Jon Arryn: Only appears posthumously and is the catalyst for the whole plot. Used to be a foster father of sorts to Robert Baratheon and Eddard Stark. Was the Robert's Malcador the Sigilite during Robert's Rebellion. He was killed by Littlefinger via Lysa when he figured out that Robert's kids are bastards of Cersei and Jaime. His death was blamed on the Lannisters to destabilize Westeros.
*Lysa Arryn: Loli bride turned Lady of the Vale after the Lannisters forcibly retired her husband from life, at least officially. In reality, Littlefinger convinced her to poison her husband and blame the Lannisters [[Just As Planned|which pretty much started this whole clusterfuck to begin with]]. A closeted, crazy woman who spends the entire series in her castle "the Eyrie" being useless, breastfeeding her own son at age 10, obsessing over Littlefinger's cock, and [[Derp|refusing to help her sister and nephew in the war she and Littlefinger pretty much started]], which may have guaranteed their eventual horrific murders by their enemies. Finally gets her comeuppance when Littlefinger kicks her out the moon door (post-taunting, of course), putting her out of our collective misery. Long live the Lord Protector.
* Robert Arryn: ''Littlefuck'', Lysa's equally mentally unstable autistic son, who still sucks on his mom's tit and enjoys seeing people "fly" out the moon door to their deaths. He actually seems to be a bit smarter than you would first think and is a really, really good judge of character, except with Sansa. Secretly being poisoned by Littlefinger and Sansa so she can take over the Vale and North. Named Robin in the show because the showrunners were afraid that having two characters with the same name would be too confusing. The show version doesn't get poisoned but turns up in the series finale as the Lord of the Vale.</div></div>

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===House Greyjoy===

''"We Do Not Sow"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Awesome|A house founded by Cthulhu-worshipping Norscans]]. While not actual Vikings in any sense of the word, there is little other way to describe them. They live on some islands off the coast of Westeros and almost their entire culture is based around raiding and the ocean. Their religion holds it shameful for a man to pay for personal possessions, and states they have to get things either by trade, washing up from the ocean or the "Iron Price": seizing something from the body or belongings of someone he defeated in battle rather than paying or trading for it. Also, only possessions acquired via the Iron Price command respect among the Ironborn. The nastiest form this takes is stealing women as "Salt Wives", [[Emperor's Children|effectively making them a society of rapists]]. As an interesting bit of trivia, their local variety of baptism is to be ritually drowned in seawater and resuscitated by their priests, and they don't see drowning as a bad way to go on the grounds that it means their god/gods have accepted them and they'll go to an underwater Heaven that's basically a more X-rated version of The Little Mermaid.
*Balon Greyjoy: Asshole dad, crappy ruler, and general shithead (all very common things in this world, but still) who rebelled against Robert Baratheon and failed miserably. All of his sons were killed, except for Theon, who was taken as a hostage to ensure his good behaviour. Despite being in a position to join either the Lannisters or the Starks during the War of Five Kings and thereby get whatever he wanted from either (independence and the North, or independence and Casterly Rock, respectively), he does the absolute stupidest thing possible and declares himself independent without support from anyone, attacking the North and the rest of Westeros, thereby virtually guaranteeing that he'll be on the receiving end of another one-sided battle once everyone else has sorted their shit out. In the book he at least tried to make one alliance but it was with the freaking Lannisters and not the other Kingdom seeking independence. Never got that far, though, since he was pushed off a bridge during a storm by an assassin his brother Euron sent.
*Victarion Greyjoy: Admiral of the Iron Fleet. [[Gets shit done]] while wearing [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Lokhir Fellheart's]] armour during boarding actions. Does it for vengeance, the lulz and as a ticket to Ironborn heaven (which they believe men can reach if they die in battle or by drowning). Worships both R'hllor and the Drowned God. For all his badassery, is far too stupid to realize that his black Red Priest sidekick's constant rambling about his "great destiny" is inevitably going to end in his burning to death on a sacrificial pyre. Said Red Priest impressed Victarion by surviving being marooned at sea for 3 weeks and turning Victarion's infected arm into a super-strong volcano arm. Seriously. Isn't in the show, which is lame.
*Aeron Greyjoy ''Damphair'': [[Kostaltyn|A priestly Alan Moore who drank seawater]]. Once a fun-loving party animal, he nearly drowned during the Greyjoy Rebellion and became a dour and devout priest of the Ironborn [[Cthulhu]] religion. Confirmed to have been raped by Euron when they were kids. Planned to overthrow Euron, who bribed and manipulated his way into becoming king of the Ironborn. As of the excerpts from the sixth book, he [[Grimdark|Was captured by Euron and tortured to try and make him renounce his faith, including feeding him spoiled food, drugging him and burning him. Later Euron tied Aeron, naked, to the prow of Euron's ship alongside Euron's tortured, pregnant former lover because she showed Aeron kindness by once giving him proper food]]. He tried to console her by saying their suffering will end in underwater Valhalla, [[Awesome|showing Euron failed to make him deny his faith]]. Also left out of the show.
*Theon Greyjoy: Son of the Lord/King of the Iron Islands. Had the personality of a stereotypical high school jock, being an excellent archer and womanizer and proud of it. He was given to Ned Stark by his father after Balon failed to successfully rebel against Robert Baratheon. Swore an oath to Robb, but then ditched him out of a desperate need to please his father. Ends up castrated and acts as the personal slave of Ramsay Bolton after Ramsay puts him through horrific torture to turn him into Reek. Rescued by his sister, but the psychological trauma meant it took a while before he could stop calling himself Reek and start getting back to normal mentally (physically he's now missing a few parts that don't heal or grow back). He's just been reunited with his sister in the books, but is dead in the show, thanks to charging the Night King by himself while protecting Bran.
* Asha Greyjoy: Theon's older sister and a commander of some renown which is quite a feat - almost every man on the Iron Islands except her father either tried to get in her pants or told her to [[-4 STR|stop playing around and go do some actual women's work]], before she kicked enough ass that they respected her. Rescues Theon after he escapes Ramsay but then loses him to Stannis. Is named Yara in the show because the showrunners thought her name sounded too similar to Osha the wildling chick and is also apparently [[PROMOTIONS|bisexual]]. Eventually becomes Lady of the Iron Islands in the show because she's the last Greyjoy standing. Kind of a Han-Solo-Stand-in character-wise, being a brash, aggressive pirate queen that acts very opportunistically, but underneath her badassery she has a soft heart for people she cares about (mostly Theon and her crew) and a strong sense of justice.
*Euron Greyjoy ''Crow's Eye'': A [[Chaos Warrior|sick fuck Lovecraftian pirate armed with unnatural sorcerous powers]] and so evil that Balon banished him from the Iron Islands. Every member of his crew is a mute because Euron ripped all their tongues out. Many of them are also the illegitimate sons [[Beastmen|of women he's raped around the world during his raids]]. Uses an eyepatch to conceal a pitch-black eye, his personal "obviously a villain" mark. Raped his brother Victarion's wife, then claimed she wanted it so Victarion had to kill her. Raped his younger brother Aeron. Also showed back up in the Iron Islands the day after Balon died, despite having been raping and pillaging in Essos before that, which is suspicious as fuck. Now the new Iron King. Plans to conquer Westeros and has some unknown plan to deal with Daenerys. Revealed in the book ''Winds of Winter'' to be [[Erebus|one of the sickest fucks in an entire setting of sick fucks (and that's saying something)]], including having a god complex while hating religion so much he [[Grimdark|tortures any clergymen he captures to try and make them give up their faiths using ironic tortures themed around their religions - such as preachers have their tongues cut out and burning priests of the fire god to death]]. Euron tried and failed to break his priest brother Aeron's faith so he lashed Aeron to the front of his ship to die [[Grimdark|alongside Euron's own pregnant lover Falia]], in what could be preparations for the [[Betrayal at Calth|ruinstorm]].
**In the show he's just a psycho pirate turned king without any magic powers or gear [[FAIL|who wants to bang Cersei. Jaime kills him in the second-to-last episode in one of the dumbest moments in an already terrible episode.]]
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===House Tyrell===

''"Growing Strong"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Lords of Highgarden and the Reach, backstabbers par-excellence, and owners of a lot of fertile land: of the Seven Kingdoms, the Reach is the "biggest," having the most people, the largest army, and a stable, if not agrarian economy; yes, the Westerlands is richer, yes, the Stormlands have/had the strongest military, and yes, the Vale is the most honor-and-chivalry obsessed, but the Reach and the Tyrells are the only ones who can compete with all three at once. Unlike the current lot of Lannisters they understand the value of good PR, balancing ruthlessness with being somewhat amicable, political savvy and not being stuck-up on honour (which they still have more of than the Lannisters do). They're a bit analogous to France. In the books, it's the Tyrells and their support that keeps the throne aloft post-Robert, first aiding Joffrey, then Tommen. They were "shrewd" enough to stay out of Robert's Rebellion and outside of his court while Tywin was in charge, so their lands are basically untouched by war: the Reach's cities are also the most beautiful, with Highgarden and Oldtown being notable for not smelling like shit and full of garbage. [[Fail|Unfortunately, they've all been wiped out in the show]].

*Mace "The Ace" Tyrell: Lord of Highgarden. Massively fat and overweight, while being stupid, overreaching and constantly mocked by everyone else, he's otherwise known as a friendly man, a good Lord when it comes to management and a good father; in the books, The Throne uses him to print gold and alleviate hunger during the War of the Five Kings, so they give him and his family a bunch of positions to keep them invested. Unfortunately, this isn't enough to save a man in the Game of Thrones. Gets killed with the rest of the noble houses when Cersei blows up the Great Sept of Baelor.
*Olenna Tyrell: The brains behind House Tyrell's schemes. Known as the ''Queen of Thorns'' for being an outspoken, prickly and venomous old lady. Schemed with Littlefinger to have Joffrey killed, but she carried it out with compressed powder "gems" hidden in Sansa's hairnet that poisoned his wine. She is to the Tyrells as Tywin is to the Lannisters, except her daughter isn't a narcissistic sociopath.
**Alive and well in the books (so far), where she's pretty much the same as the show. She has taken Margaery as her successor, which is why she made sure she'd be engaged to Tommen and had Joffrey offed.
**Became a fan-favorite for constantly dropping awesome one-liners and calling out smug and/or unpopular characters like Littlefinger and the Sand Snakes. [[Fail|Killed off in the show]] as Jaime gives her the option of drinking painless poison or whatever Cersei wanted to do to her after beseiging Highgarden. Olenna took the poison, and before she died [[Awesome|revealed to Jaime that she was the one who killed Joffrey and told him to make sure Cersei knows it]].
*Willas Tyrell: Mace Tyrell's eldest son and heir, crippled at a very young age when jousting against Oberyn Martell. Surprisingly, he and Oberyn are still bros, even though the rest of their Houses aren't very fond of each other because of this incident. Probably one of the most pleasant and sensible characters in the books, which might explain why they never included him in the TV show. Very fond of breeding animals, especially horses.
*Garlan Tyrell ''The Gallant'': Second-born son. Badass extraordinaire considered one of the best swords in Westeros, and one of the few people kind to Tyrion. Trains for real combat (often against multiple opponents by himself) unlike Loras, who's a tourney fighter. Single-handedly wrecks many notable knights fighting for Stannis during the War of The Five Kings. And he is the only person other than Tywin to put Joffrey in his place, at his own wedding. Sadly no POV chapter yet and omitted from the TV series (Loras takes credit for his deeds).
*Loras Tyrell ''The Knight of Flowers'': The Tyrell who appears most in the TV series, since his older brothers got adapted out. Considered to be an example of the perfect knight, despite his youth. Is secretly Renly's gay lover and conspired to take the throne with him and his sister. He was elevated to the Kingsguard as part of the Lannister's appeasement of the Tyrells, but also to ensure that Margaery would be safe if it turned out they couldn't kill Joff/Tommen turned out to be a sociopath too. Last seen badly injured in the books attempting to take Stannis' castle in order to to prove his honor after the Faith Militant locked up his sister, but because none of Cersei's sources could visually confirm it, it's likely that the Tyrells ([[Iron warriors|it was ''their'' forces that did the sieging]], after all) fabricated a story to get their boy out of there. In the show he ends up tortured by the members of the Faith for being gay [[C.S Goto|because the showrunners retconned them to hate gay people]], [[Protectorate of Menoth|later joins their ranks of questionable willingness]], then dies when Cersei blows up the Sept of Baelor.
*Margaery Tyrell: The would-be Queen of Westeros, she has married, in order, Renly Baratheon (gay), Joffrey Baratheon (evil), and Tommen Baratheon (8 years old) and has been crowned as queen three times. While she is nice, like Disney Princess-in-a-grimdark-setting-nice, she is still her grandmother's protege , and so is the source of Cersei's paranoia (which is kinda valid as the Tyrells did off Joffrey so that the more-controllable and non-sociopathic Tommen could marry Margy). Cersei was so paranoid about Marge's ascension that she decided to legitimize the Sparrows and allow them to reform the [[Age of Apostasy|Faith Militant]], all because she was afraid Tommen would listen to Margaery more than her.
**In the show, she marries and uses sex to control Tommen, because the show needed to hit its titty quota and because Tommen is a teenager in the show. Was arrested by the resident Chamber Militant The Sparrow and asked for a trial by faith in the books. In the show, this also happens but she tries to be pious in an attempt to save herself but ended up getting killed when Cersei blew up the Sept of Baelor.
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===House Martell===

''"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"''
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[[Tallarn|Desert dwelling survivalists]] who [[Dune|pride themselves on having never been conquered]] by the Targaryen dynasty (though they later married in). Moorish Spaniards, kinda. Their entire thing is that they're nothing like the rest of the Seven Kingdoms: they're descended from the Rhoynar, a group of people that used to live along one of Essos' longest rivers who practice absolute cognatic (the oldest child, regardless of gender, inherits the throne) succession and take a very liberal attitude towards sex. House Martell also has a rocky relationship with the rest of the kingdom: The Baratheons don't trust them because they were all Targaryen loyalists, the Reach doesn't like them because of historic wars between the two, and House Martell has never forgiven House Lannister for Clegane's rape and murder of Elia Martell, Rhaegar's first wife and mother of his children.
[[C.S Goto|Their story arc was completely ruined in the show, as Elia and Oberyn's daughters kill Oberyn's brother and nephew for taking too long to avenge him before being captured and killed themselves by Euron and Cersei]].
*Doran Martell: Lord of Sunspear and of royal descent. Still mad at the Lannisters about that whole "murdered-my-sister-and-infant-niece thing". Playing the longest of long games with Varys, which blew up in his face because he told ''no one in his family'' about his schemes (well, maybe Oberyn, but Oberyn is dead).
**[[What|Killed off in the show by Ellaria as part of her plan to avenge Oberyn]]. Even his actor was upset.
*Arianne Martell: One of GRRM's characters who seems to exists solely to fuck everything up at the worst conceivable moment. Still hot as Dornish girls come. See, she is technically the heir of Dorne, being the ''first-born'' daughter, and yet was shut out of most of her father's meetings and plans, which caused her to get upset because even Oberyn treats all of his bastards better than her dad treats her. After Doran ''seemingly'' accepts his own brother's death without any sort of fuss, she decides that her father is weak and plans to start ''another'' front in the War of Five Kings by putting Myrcella up on the throne. However, one of her dad's spies gives them up, and in a huge clusterfuck, Myrcella gets maimed by one of the pro-war knights. She is then taken to her father, who finally spills the beans on his grand scheme: the reason why she was sidelined by her father was because he had secretly betrothed her to her Viserys, but now that Viserys is dead, plans to see if he can broker an alliance with "Aegon," Rhaegar and Elia's son who "supposedly" was secreted away and replaced with doubles.
*Oberyn Martell ''The Viper of Dorne'': Doran Martell's brother, a bisexual swinger, former mercenary, and a drunkard (and also Inigo Montoya in Dark Fantasy). His girlfriend is a spectacularly beautiful bastard named Ellaria Sand and he has many illegitimate children, mostly daughters, collectively called "The Sand Snakes". Crippled the Tyrell heir in a joust, causing a rift between the two houses; despite this, he's actually best mates with the aforementioned heir, due to Willas Tyrell being straight up the nicest and most balanced man in the series and Oberyn being a very decent person. Known for poisoning his weapons, as well as his battle-cry. Died from a mutual kill, with Gregor Clegane crushing his skull in rather graphically, but Oberyn getting the last laugh, since he got Clegane with a horribly painful and slow-acting venom which stretched his death over days or even weeks, during which time he was ruthlessly experimented upon by a mad scientist, meaning he avenged his sister Elia who Gregor had raped and murdered. [[Sanguinius|So to sum it up, he's a spear-wielding badass whose death in battle against a major villain was deeply traumatizing for all in-universe and out]].

*Quentyn Martell: Didn't realize he was in Dark Low Fantasy and thought he was in High Fantasy, poor bastard. A member of House Martell, sent to marry Daenerys to secure an alliance between the families since the original marriage plan to hook Arianne up with Viserys won't work with Viserys dead. Leaves Westeros and goes all the way to the city of Meereen to marry her, but he's too late, as she marries the Meereenese noble Hizdahr, and like Jorah he's not her type (Dany likes her bad boys). Tries to tame two of her dragons to impress her; the attempt goes wrong, he gets horribly burnt and gradually dies in agony from his wounds.
*The Sand Snakes: Oberyn's children. All daughters he had with various women throughout his travels (all consensual encounters, mind you, which actually says a lot about Westeros that it has to be said). Mixed race and all hot with various skills including combat training and mastery of poisons. Working with Doran and Ellaria in the books.
**[[C.S Goto|Ruined in the show where they don't accomplish anything, are given atrocious dialogue (the "you need the bad pussy" line comes to mind), aren't great fighters and get killed by Euron's men, except for the one who poisoned Myrcella; she gets captured and poisoned back by Cersei so an imprisoned Ellaria is forced to watch her die and decompose.]]</div></div>

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===House Bolton===

''"Our Blades Are Sharp"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Starks' most important (and most despised) vassal, a former arch-rival made of [[Grimdark]] because their entire theme [[Dark Eldar|revolves around Torture]] and they're [[Night Lords|thoroughly awful, dishonorable, sadistic cowards who can be counted on to do every dirty trick possible before even trying to fight fair. Their sigil is a crucified and flayed man]], their castle is [[Commorragh|a complex of constant suffering called the Dreadfort]], and just look at their House motto...all of which shows how stupid the Starks were for thinking they could control them. Tied with Red Wedding collaborators the Freys as the most thoroughly vile house in the entire setting (no mean feat, all things considered).
*Roose Bolton, ''The 'Leech Lord'': A Lawful Evil sociopathic health nut who's called the Leech Lord because he gets leeched regularly, believing they get rid of bad blood. Second-most powerful Lord in the North with ambitions to depose the Starks. Since the Starks are mostly unable to think like crafty people and are blinded by excessive honour this doesn't prove too difficult. He gets his wish when he stabs Robb Stark in the back, at his uncle's wedding no less, and has anyone associated with Robb killed. He then makes over Winterfell in his bloody image and is currently trolling Stannis. Believes in the abolished practice of "[[Rape|Droit du seigneur]]" (a tradition that allowed a lord to have sex with subordinate women, whether they wanted to or not) and killed at least one man for trying to hide his wife from Roose (before fathering Ramsay with her via rape). Believed that he and his son could be as evil as they wanted as long as no one found out. Killed by Ramsey in the show, which Ramsay tried to cover with a lie despite the witnesses to his actions. May also be dead in the books, since the letter Jon receives from Winterfell in book five is addressed from Lord Ramsay Bolton.
*Ramsay Snow/Bolton: <s>A Dark Elf with shaved ears in the wrong universe</s>. <s>The Joker of Westeros</s>. The Chaotic Evil incarnate bastard son of Roose Bolton and a peasant woman he raped [[Grimdark|(under the hanging corpse of the woman's husband, for fuck's sake!)]]. One of the most fucked up people in all of the Seven Kingdoms (alongside the Mountain, Joffrey, the original Reek, the pedophile marauder Rorge and Euron), because he [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|loves to torture and kill people openly for the lulz]], such as Theon Greyjoy, who he crippled, knocked his teeth out, castrated, and brainwashed into calling himself Reek. Reek was originally a peasant appointed to try and control a young Ramsay, but instead Ramsay warped him into a mentally unstable necrophiliac before killing Reek to fake his death, but Ramsay seemed to hold some twisted affection for him. He also sent Theon's severed appendage to Theon's dad in a cutesy box with a letter mockingly detailing his evilness. Will torture anyone who points out his illegitimate heritage even though now he's legally recognized as a Bolton. Also has a pack of hunting dogs he names after women he hunts, rapes and kills. Married a fake Arya Stark and regularly mistreats her, including forced bestiality. Not a fun guy to be around. The only reason he's gotten away with it for so long (as pointed out by his father) is that no one is strong enough to stand up to him yet, but [[Powder Keg of Justice|when they are]] he's going to be killed (especially if his fate in the show is anything to go by).
**In the show, he killed his father with a knife, fed his stepmother and newborn half-brother to his dogs, then married Sansa Stark and deflowered her via rape. Ramsay was such a monster even Iwan Rheon, THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE GUY, hoped he'd die horribly. He got his wish: The consequences of Ramsay's actions catch up with him when Jon Snow shows up with an army capable of threatening him, and after surprise reinforcements from Littlefinger and his own fucked-up teamkilling, the Starks crush the Bolton army, forcing Ramsay to flee back to Winterfell. Despite this, the gate is smashed down, and Jon disarms him and beats him quite brutally before detaining him to await trial. Before the trial Sansa sets his dogs on him, which he had deliberately starved so they would eat Jon. Apparently they found him quite tasty. For all that Season 6 of GoT is Skub, there likely aren't many who would object to this moment.
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===House Frey===

''"We Stand Together"''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> House of weasels who are always grumpy and have a thing for overreacting to perceived slights. Wouldn't be that important except for the fact that they own the only bridge over a strategically important river, and regularly extort anyone attempting to cross it...that, and performing the Red Wedding, AKA the Magnum Opus of Grimdark that single-handedly ensures they're [[Marines Malevolent|the most hated fucks in the whole setting in-universe and out.]] Simply put, there is '''nothing''' good or nice you can say about the Freys. They're ugly inside and out, cruel, treacherous, thoroughly dishonorable, and aren't even strong warriors, being a mix of incompetent dumbasses and sadistic cowards. They'd all make excellent Skaven (especially considering they could stand to be killed by some Lizardmen).

*Walder Frey: The ancient, terrible, ornery old man in charge of the Twins. Universally detested by his peers (and the audience) for being an amoral, sociopathic opportunist, which he returns in kind for said peers "looking down on him" (can't imagine why), and will readily betray an important ally for immediate gain, or if he feels he has been slighted in some minor way, with the aforementioned Red Wedding being the most infamous example of both. His descendants are literally so numerous that no one except GRRM himself has been able to count them all, so we aren't even going to attempt it (not helped by quite a few of them being named Walder as well). Now dead in the show due to getting his throat slit by a vengeful Arya after she serves him two of his sons as meat pies. </div></div>

===Minor Houses and non-Houses===
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'''Night's Watch'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Night's Watch are an apolitical force in charge of manning The Wall, a giant ice wall that separates the relative tranquillity of the south from the Lovecraftian fucked-up-itude of the true north. They are chronically undermanned and undersupplied since nobody believes their stories of a barbarian army or the impending zombie apocalypse. Basically everybody else thinks they're in a game of [[Diplomacy]] and the Night's Watch are the only ones who realize they're actually in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]], though it's been so long since the last snow elf invasion that even they had forgotten about the undead hordes and focused too much on barbarians. Too add to their problems, they are overwhelmingly comprised of petty criminals who wanted to avoid the hangman, because "taking the black", as it's colloquially known, also brings with it a full pardon for any crime committed, even murder and treason (even rape, though rapists tend to be despised among the Night's Watch). Taking the black isn't also very popular, as a common joke in the Seven Kingdoms is that out 10 people, only would one would willfully take the black, the rest would rather get hanged. They also frequently serve as a convinient catch-all solution for Lords and nobles who fell out of favor, committed treason or were outwitted in the endless Westerosi wheel of politics; lucky for them because said Lords and Nobles are usually the only ones with any fighting experience that are part of the watch and make up their leadership. They've allied with the Wildings and the North, but in the TV show, the Night's King used the undead dragon Viserion to burn a hole through The Wall.
*Jeor Mormont, ''The Old Bear'': 997th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch at the start of the series. Sees Jon Snow as something of a second son (since his own son Jorah was exiled for enslaving and refused to take the black for his crimes). Leads a ranging north of the Wall to investigate reports that the Others have returned. Ends up killed during a mutiny of survivors after the Others wiped out most of his force.
*Alliser Thorne: Prick of a knight who was favourite to be the next Watch Commander, but was passed over by Jon Snow. Unable to accept Jon Snow letting the Wildlings live on the other side of the wall in an alliance against the zombie hordes, he staged a coup against Jon. It failed because Jon was brought back to life. He is now dead in the show, having been executed for his treason by Jon Snow. Despite of his many personal failings, he's one of the very few capable fighters (and a pretty good one, even) of the Watch and a skilled commander. Took the Black after siding with the Targaryens during the Sack of King's Landing in the civil war.
*Aemon Targaryen: Maester of the Citadel at Castle Black. Despite being the third born son of King Maekar I Targaryen, he declined the right to sit on the Iron Throne. One of the few people in the series to die of old age, at 102.
*Samwell Tarly, ''The Slayer'': Fat bookworm who was forced to take the black after his father Randyl threatened to murder him for being unmanly. Jon Snow's best friend among the Night's Watch, and knows everything because he "read it in a book". Despite being a self-professed coward, Sam became the first person in thousands of years to slay an Other with an obsidian dagger. George Martin himself said Sam's based on Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Since then, he has started improving his combat skills and balls (in more ways than one for the latter, finding his spine and losing his virginity). He abandons the Night's Watch to help fight the dead and tell Jon who he really is, and winds up becoming the new Grand Maester by the end of the show.
*Eddison Tollett, ''Dolorous Edd'': Probably the most badass member of the Night's Watch. Responds to situations by making sarcastic jokes about them, and known for being a grim motherfucker in a setting of grim motherfuckers. In the show he [[Awesome|became the new Lord Commander]] while Jon was dead, but gave the title back to Jon when he was brought back to life, and then Jon handed it right back because he needed to go sort out Ramsay Bolton. Dies in Season 8 at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Benjen Stark: The [[Dune|Duncan Idaho]] of this series, the dead guy all the other characters and all the ''readers'' love so much someone has to bring him back from the dead in later books. Benjen is Eddard Stark's youngest brother and the prime motivation why Jon wants to join the Night's Watch in the first place. Joined the Watch for reasons unknown and disappears without a trace even before Jon arrives. In the TV series, he returns as a benevolent Wight that retained his free will and helps Bran to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.
*Qhorin Half-Hand: Badass extraordinaire that killed a shitton of Wildlings in his long time of service, rumoured to have spent more time north of the Wall than anyone living southerner in the setting. Lets himself get killed by Jon in a gambit to earn Mance Rayders respect.
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'''Wildlings'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Groups of nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes who live north of the Wall. Mostly First Men by blood, they have been heading toward the Wall for the past decade with the reputed reemergence of the Others. Nomadic, aggressive, and very much believing in "might makes right", they do not get along with anyone south of The Wall since they view them as "Kneeling weaklings". Basically every Celtic/Scandinavian/barbarian stereotype combined.
*Mance Rayder, ''The King Beyond The Wall'': A Wildling orphan who was taken in by the Night's Watch, he became their best Ranger before he deserted to join his people. He united the Wildlings and lead them south to escape the Others. Also a trained bard, but that was not enough to save him from death in the show while he's merely MIA in the books.
*Tormund Giantsbane: Claims to have a ten-inch penis, and invites his enemies to use their mouths if they want to clean it. Cool as fuck old guy who [[Furry|fucks mother-bears]] in his free time. Tough as nails motherfucker who preaches the merits of using one's cock for everything. He teams up with Jon Snow for the fight against the White Walkers, then fucks off back to the north once the Night King is dead, making him one of the most sensible people on the show. He and Jon go off to be bros at the end of the show.
*Ygritte: Wildling woman who Jon Snow ends up falling for and who returns his affections. Has red hair which is considered lucky among the Wildlings. This being ''A Song of Ice and Fire'', she ends up dying because her worldview is not compatible with Jon's.
*Craster: A sick bastard, formerly a member of the Night's Watch turned polygamous isolationist. By the way, [[Grimdark|his current wives are his many daughters and granddaughters who he fucks regularly to have more children. Girls grow up to become more wives, boys get sacrificed to the Others]]. This keeps the Others at bay - and is implied to be a way the Others reproduce themselves, and that sanctuary is why the Night's Watch barely tolerates him. Fortunately, he's been killed off in the story and his offspring go their separate ways.
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'''Commoners, Knights, and Petty Lords'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Basically any character not associated with any of the Great Houses.
* Varys, ''The Spider'': The eunuch spymaster of Westeros. You can't take a shit in the Seven Kingdoms without Varys finding out where, when, and how watery or dry it was. He does this through paid informants and his "little birds", a spy network of children who sneak through the castle's passageways and air flues to eavesdrop on everyone. Somewhat of a paradoxical character, since his literal dicklessness, reputation and political power make every character extremely vary of him (it's more or less implied that the main thing keeping him in the small council is the fact that he has got enough shit on everyone to blackmail them into submission if they would dare step out of his line) but under the surface, he is the rare example of people in Westeros that isn't an entirely self-serving scumbag and seems to show genuine care and concern for the common folk [[Just as planned|(Even if his machinations frequently put commonors in peril, but hey, such is politics)]]. To that end, he manipulated events that, according to his plan, would end with a Targaryen on the throne, to permanently stabilize the realm and rid it of the aformentioned self-serving idiots. On a sidenote, he's one of the few, if not the only person to fully comprehend how dangerous Littlefinger actually is. In the books, he's currently trying to install an adolescent Targaryen on the Iron Throne (who probably isn't even one, but he got the looks) Dead in the show, having decided to try and put Jon on the throne instead of Daenerys; Jon says no, Tyrion sells him out when he realizes Jon absolutely means it, and Dany has Drogon barbecue him.
* Petyr Baelish, ''Littlefinger'': The Master of Coin (the ASOIAF equivalent of a treasurer) and the closest person the Game of Thrones world has to a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Tzeentch]], up to even declaring "[[Chaos]] is a Ladder". A dangerous manipulator who manages to trick and steal his way to positions of lordship and wealth because no one takes him seriously, and stabs all the Lannisters in the back when they become inconvenient. As a child, he wanted Catelyn Stark and was tricked into thinking she wanted him when her sister Lysa fucked him while he was drunk. Challenged Catelyn's betrothed Brandon Stark, Ned's older brother who was murdered by Aerys, for her hand in marriage and got his ass kicked because he was a small skinny boy and Brandon Stark was a big strapping man, making that his start of darkness. The guy responsible, directly or indirectly, for the War of the Five Kings because he was the mastermind behind poisoning Jon Arryn, the capture and execution of Ned Stark, feeding several half-truths to Catelyn to motivate her to arrest Tyrion, and eventually Joffrey's death by having Dontos and Olenna Tyrell carry out the plan to kill Joffrey and letting Tyrion take the fall; but no one in the story knows this, not even Varys. People think he can pull gold out of thin air, but he's really been buying debt while letting Robert Baratheon's extravagances and Joffrey and Cersei's dipshittery pull the country into a serious debt of its own. So he's pledged himself to [[Chaos]] and destroying Westeros all because he couldn't have Catelyn as his girlfriend, though he changed his focus to her daughter Sansa now, making him a pedophile. Hasn't yet got his comeuppance in the books, but is currently dead in the show after he was out-gambitted by Sansa and killed by Arya (though the less said about how well executed this was, the better). According to GRRM, he's based on the title character from the Great Gatsby, even though he only really resembles the character when putting on an act. [[Erebus|Basically has the role of a treacherous figure who gives bad advice on purpose and is responsible for the series of events that lead to a massive, devastating war with horrible consequences, making him one of the vilest folks in the 'verse]].
*Gregor Clegane, ''The Mountain'': A 7' 8" 400 pound mass of testosterone, muscles, steroid overdose, [[Slaanesh|utter disregard for consent]], [[Khorne|and murderous RAGE]], Gregor is Tywin Lannister's top muscle. Killed his own father and sister and permanently scarred his brother. [[Beastmen|Hobbies include rape, arson, murder, and random torture]]; he's also been married a few times but not now with the implication he kept killing his wives. He played an important part in destroying the Targaryens by killing a couple of Rhaegar's kids in rather brutal fashion, then raping and murdering his wife. Spends a few novels doing Tywin's dirty work before a Trial by Champion leads to him dying after being poisoned by Oberyn Martell. Qyburn later resurrected him as... something... called "Ser Robert Strong", and is now even stronger, less prone to psychotic rages, and is completely obedient. He's based on accounts of French knight Gilles de Rais and maybe also the scriptural giant Goliath. In the show he goes on to torture Cersei's nun jailer to death in a brutal and unspecified fashion kills Qyburn during the Siege of King's Landing and then nearly kills his little brother, only for Sandor to tackle him through a collapsing wall and into a gigantic inferno that claims both. [[Honsou|Standing out as one of ''the'' evilest pieces of shit in a world filled with them]], to the point that even the author himself has labeled him the worst character in the series.
* Sandor Clegane, ''The Hound'': Younger brother to Gregor Clegane, called the Hound because of his hound-face helm, his family's heraldry, and being the king's hired muscle without being a knight. He hates knights due to the hypocrisy of being a professional "noble warrior" but mostly since his monstrous brother is a knight, showing it's not so much of a noble promotion. Terrified of fire after Gregor put his head against a brazier for playing with one of Gregor's old toys when they were children, burning half his face, but he's still the second-strongest person in Westeros. A brutal anti-hero with a soft spot for Sansa, but a better person than his brother. After falling sick from Biter's nasty teeth, he ends up being a silent monk burying people in the Silent Isles. In the show, he joins the Brotherhood without Banners and goes north to help fuck up the White Walkers. As of Season 8, he's survived the Battle of Winterfell and is riding south with Arya to put the boots to Gregor. Dies killing his now undead brother in a pretty epic fight amidst the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep.
*Grand Maester Pycelle: A shrewd, dangerous man putting on a "harmless old man act" and a high ranking scholar from the science/medical guild the Maesters. The longest-serving member of the King's advisory staff, and is actually Tywin Lannister's biggest lackey. He convinced the Mad King to let Tywin in as Baratheon's armies were marching on the capital, where Tywin proceeded to sack the city and claim it for Robert. Gets his head bashed in by Varys in the books and murdered by Qyburn in the show.
* Qyburn: Formerly a maester, who was kicked out of the order for unethical experiments on the living (taking people and performing vivisections to be precise). Introduced as a part of a mercenary company serving Roose Bolton, which should be a red flag. He moves up in the world when he's sent to escort Brienne and Jaime back to King's Landing and ends with Cersei employing him to replace Pycelle as "science advisor" and eventually Varys's Spymaster. Serves Cersei loyally as long as she lets him indulge his sick experiments, serving as a black magic variety of the court mage. He has resurrected Gregor Clegane as... something. [[Fabius Bile]] if he traded his robot limbs, eugenics and power armour for necromancy. He overestimated his hold on Gregor and got his head caved in for it as of the second-to-last episode of the show.
*Barristan Selmy, ''The Bold'': Knight of the Kingsguard. Which Kingsguard? Take your pick. He's served pretty much every king since Aerys and understandably feels pretty bad about it. Another sad old man who pretty much just wants to die until he decides to go pledge his services to Daenerys. Even in his old age, he is considered one of the most dangerous men in Westeros. [[Fail|Dead in the show]] (to be fair they gave him a huge last stand), but [[Awesome|alive]] and [[Roboute Guilliman|appointed himself Daenerys' steward in her absence to try and fix Meereen's situation in the books]].
*Melisandre, ''The Red Witch'': A priestess of R'hllor, the god of fire. Proclaimed Stannis to be the messiah-king and is doing everything in her power to make sure he wins (considerable given that she can scry, make shadow baby assassins and set things on fire with her mind). She'd be pretty bro-tier if her god wasn't so vicious. As it stands she's kind of in the grey (in the books, the show seems to zig-zag on her being evil 'cos the showrunners seem to hate religion). Most of the people she set on fire deserved it, and she hasn't ''succeeded'' in killing any babies yet. Show version now dead from suicide via rapid ageing after ensuring the Living defeat the Dead.
*Jorah Mormont: A knight and son of Jeor Mormont, exiled for trying to sell poachers into slavery and eventually joining the exiles of House Targaryen. He is offered a pardon in exchange for spying on the Targaryens but ultimately decides to stay with them after falling in love with Daenerys. Unfortunately, he gets friend-zoned hard. Despite saving her life from an assassin while she was pregnant, she still votes him off the Khalassar after learning he was a spy. He still loves her and follows her in secret, though. In the show, he goes on a quest to prove himself to her and contracts the dangerous disease Greyscale (it's like the unholy lovechild of smallpox and leprosy), but he gets cured and is now back at her side. He dies protecting her at the Battle of Winterfell.
*[[This Guy|Davos Seaworth]], ''The Onion Knight'': A former smuggler and bannerman to House Baratheon, and a top-tier hype man, pulling speeches out on the spot on several occasions to convince people to support Stannis and later Jon. One of the most Noblebright characters in the setting, which really isn't bad for a man that only just now learned how to read. During Roberts Rebellion he ran a blockade with a cargo of contraband onions to a castle Stannis Baratheon was besieged in. In exchange for the food he had, Stannis knighted Davos, [[Rules Lawyer|but Stannis's law-worshipping mindset compelled him to remove four digits from his left hand]]. Despite this, Davos has served Stannis with unquestioning loyalty, because Stannis knighting him gave his children a future. The fact that Stannis's war for the throne has ended up killing several of his sons hasn't dented his loyalty at all. **Doesn't like Melisandre because he sees her as a user and her beliefs as brutal. He's a devout follower of the Faith of the Seven in the books and the first season of the show [[C.S Goto|but is clumsily retconned into an anti-religious atheist in later show seasons]]. In the show, he's now pledged to DA NORF and is basically Jon's Hand of the King, except he doesn't get a fancy pin. He survives the Battle of Winterfell and the Second Sack of King's Landing and becomes Master of Ships in the final episode of the show.
*Shae: A former camp follower and Tyrion Lannister's squeeze for most of the story. Fled from an abusive family and became a camp follower to earn a living. Seems to fall in love with Tyrion, but it turns out she's a gold-digging bitch. When Tyrion doesn't marry Shae she sells him out to Cersei for a better offer, then fucks Tywin when she realizes Cersei won't keep her promise. Tyrion found her in his father's bed and strangled her to death with a necklace for betraying him. The discovery of Shae's corpse in Tywin's bed - posthumously outing him as a whoremonger - upsets Cersei to the point she unpersons Shae.
*Bronn: A mercenary who acts as Tyrion's enforcer and personal killer until Cersei outbids him and he settles down with a little wife and title. Routinely kills knights by exploiting how arrogant and stupid they are even after becoming one himself. Only in it for the money, which he'll happily tell you himself. The only character other than Littlefinger to end every book in a better position than he started it. In the show, he makes the very sensible decision to sit out the fighting and wait for his promised castle (Riverrun if Cersei wins, Highgarden if Daenerys wins). He gets Highgarden and is named Lord Paramount of the Reach and Master of Coin in the final episode. Some nobles bitch about the idea of an upjumped thug receiving such high and exalted positions until he points out that their Houses were probably founded by people a lot like him.
* Brienne of Tarth, ''The Beauty'': Surprisingly badass lady knight wannabe (since no women can be knighted), legendarily unattractive but still pretty idealistic despite the shit she gets for her looks. Fate frequently gives her the shit end of the stick, because no matter how hard she tries to finish her quests, she ends up failing or stuff happens that makes it impossible. Secretly crushes on Renly and unaware he's gay. After he dies, Brienne switches her loyalty to Catelyn and helps her bring Jaime to King's Landing as Tyrion promised Sansa's return in exchange for Jaime. She later developed a crush on Jaime. Things don't go well because Jaime lost his hand and the Red Wedding happened. Next, Jaime sends her out to find and keep Sansa safe to make good on Tyrion's promise, since he isn't the complete dick everyone thinks he is. Brienne ends up getting captured by Cat, now known as Lady Stoneheart and an insane undead, who was going to hang Brienne for working with Jaime. Brienne was spared at the last moment to capture/manipulate Jaime.
**In the show, she's now sworn to House Stark and gets knighted by Jaime just before the Battle of Winterfell and then she and Jaime hook up afterwards, only for him to take off and break her heart, because remember kids, he'd rather fuck his sister than fuck an ugly chick. She is now Lady Commander of the Kingsguard as of the final episode.
* Lyanna Mormont: A badass ten-year-old girl who inherits [[Kislev|Bear Island]] after her mother and older sister die horribly in the Riverlands - at least if we are going by the show; in the book, her mother is still alive somewhere [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|waging a Guerilla War]] in the Neck and her older sister Alysanne is the de-facto head of House Mormont. Her activities include pimp-slapping bitches, leading men twice as old as her, and being completely loyal to the Starks despite all their misfortunes. [[Awesome|"Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK."]] She dies killing an undead giant at the Battle of Winterfell, which is pretty badass.
* Wyman Manderly, ''Lord Too-Fat-To-Sit-A-Horse'': The Lord of White Harbour and one of the few Northerners who worship the Seven. Fervently loyal to House Stark, he pays lip-service to the Iron Throne long enough for his eldest son to return home, all to mask a plan to restore the Starks to power, mostly by destabilising the Frey-Bolton alliance, building a navy, marshalling the forces of the lands east of the White Knife river, "losing" Freys in the wilderness and sending Lord Davos Seaworth to rescue Rickon Stark from Skagos. His favourite food is lamprey, although he has also developed a taste for Frey Pie. Also a remarkably graceful dancer, and can survive taking a knife to the throat.
** Wylla Manderly: Granddaughter to the above. Another badass little girl, her activities include openly declaring undying loyalty to House Stark and dying her hair green. She and Lyanna Mormont would probably be best friends if they met. [[Awesome|"The city is built upon the land [the Starks] gave us. In return, we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!"]]
* Jon Umber, ''The Greatjon'': At first he seems to be your stereotypical, boisterous Northern Lord. However, he becomes one of Robb's most loyal supporters, being first to declare him as 'King in the North' after Ned's execution. Had his moment of awesome [[Awesome|when he killed and wounded four Freys at the Red Wedding, all the while being drunk and needing eight additional men to take him down.]]
* Beric Dondarrion, ''The Lightning Lord'': Minor lord who agreed to head an expedition to take out Gregor Clegane. This being Game of Thrones, however, his party is ambushed by the Mountain and is beaten rather badly, and he loses his life in the process. Thanks to his drunken Red Priest friend, however, he manages to come back not once, but eight times, and each time he comes back, he becomes more powerful, though at the cost of his memory. He now heads an outlaw faction of grimdark Robin Hood types called "The Brotherhood Without Banners", who are dedicated to punishing those who abuse and mistreat the smallfolk. Ironically, he's one of the few book characters to have died (permanently) in the books but remain alive in the show, except now he's dead for real as of the Battle of Winterfell.
* Thoros of Myr: Aforementioned drunken priest who is dedicated to R'hllor, though at first he doesn't really give a rat's ass about the Red God, as he prefers to party it up with wine and women, but after he 'accidentally' resurrects Beric, he becomes quite serious about his religion and vows to curb his excesses in drinking. Dies on a mission beyond the Wall to capture a wight (show-version). Bane of swordsmiths across the lands, as he likes to routinely ignite his swords with Wildfire when he gets a hold of some of the stuff, which completely destroys the blade.
* The Brave Companions: Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be a faction in this setting as fucked up as the Boltons, Freys, and Ironborn, these guys come along and prove you wrong. A bunch of "mercenaries" who are really more just complete and utter lunatics that are incapable of doing what they're paid to in any way except the bloodiest and nastiest, all with maximum [[Rape]] thrown in too (especially if Brienne of Tarth is involved, because every single fucking one of these guys wants, tries to, or threatens to rape her at some point). Led by Vargo Hoat, a goat-helmet wearing maniac who likes cutting body parts off of his victims before killing them. The rest of his band consists of a bunch of other sickos who are every bit as bad as him (except Rorge, who is even worse). To put this into perspective, the member of the group who is a pedophile priest (Septon Utt), is the ''least'' evil one, if only because he actually regrets what he does and is suggested to do what he does because of urges he can't control. The rest? Forget about it. After Vargo's gruesome death at the hands of the even worse Gregor Clegane, the surviving Brave Companions scatter, effectively dissolving the group but meaning a bunch of these assholes are still active. Cut from the TV show completely.
** Rorge: Gregor Clegane 2.0, being ''another'' big, brutish, psychotic monster who rapes people and murders children and who is a Chaotic Evil super-thug through and through (because apparently we needed another one in the setting), with the added bit of awfulness of being a child-hating pedophile. Along with Gregor Clegane, one of the absolute worst characters in the entire series (a high bar, as you've probably gathered by now). Killed by Brienne. In the TV show, he's a completely forgettable one-shot, throwaway character who gets killed by Arya before he can really do anything and doesn't come anywhere close to the awfulness of his book version.
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'''The Free Cities'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Nine city-states to the West of Essos, for the most part, the old colonies of the Valaryian Freehold. Mostly they are ruled by Merchant Princes. They look down on the Westerosi for being a bunch of up jumped backwards war-mongering morons who are only a few silverware sets and maesters away from absolute barbarism. In turn, the Westerosi look down on the Free Cities as being money-grubbing effete cowards ruled by cheesemongers who use bribery, tall walls and dirty tricks to get ahead in the world.

* Illyrio Mopatis: A rich fat bastard and a Magister of Pentos. Old buddies with Varys and a bigtime schemer.
* [[Officio Assassinorum|The Faceless Men]]: A cult of shape-shifting assassins who worship The Many-Faced God of death based in the free city of Braavos that give up personal identity. They claim descent from escaped Valyrian slaves who considered death to be a better fate than perpetual slavery. Their mission hence became being servants of the Many-Faced God of Death. You can hire them to off your rivals, but they request a steep and equivalent price. They also offer a painless, quick suicide for downtrodden and desparate people by the means of poison. Their motto is "Valar Morghulis": All Men Must Die.
* Xaro Xhoan Daxos: One of the thirteen leaders of the city of Qarth. A flamboyant, languid, bald rich man who looks after Daenerys while she stays in Qarth and gives her many gifts. He wants her dragons as much as anyone else and even tries to marry her despite his homosexual tendencies. He stops wanting the dragons later in the book series after seeing [[RIP AND TEAR|their work in Astapor]], and no longer wants her around as her anti-slavery stance is hampering his wealth, so he offers Daenerys ships to leave the area and declares war on her when she refuses. In the show, he's heterosexual, helps steal her dragons, fucks one of her handmaidens and gets locked in a vault for conspiring to have her killed. He's also black and fat in the show when he's white and lanky in the books, being Qartheen and all.
* Syrio Forel: The former First Sword of Braavos (aka the ruler's personal bodyguard) and later Arya's mentor in King's Landing. He teaches her the way of Braavosi fencing, called "Water Dancing", and sacrifices himself to save her from Lannister thugs, taking down at least six of them with a wooden sword. May have inadvertently set her on the path of becoming a badass assassin by telling her of his belief in the God of Death.

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'''The Dothraki'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Horse people who live in a country of endless grass plains referred to by others as the Dothraki sea. They only have one city, called Vaes Dothrak, which is less of a city and more of a place they all meet when important things have to be discussed. Have traits borrowed from several cultures, including Mongols and Native Americans, all filtered through European misconceptions of those cultures of course, such as the Dothraki's antipathy for heavy armour, despite the fact that the Mongols were very heavily armoured and also excelled as infantry, see the Battle of Leignitz. They fear the ocean because of its size and the fact that horses won't drink from it, calling it the "poison water".

* Khal Drogo: An Expy of <s>Genghis Khan</s> Yesukhei Baatyr (his son would have been the equivalent to Chinggis Khaan). Leads the largest Khalassar among the Dothraki. Despite being a barbarian warlord, Drogo is surprisingly intelligent and treats Daenerys well. After an assassin tries to kill her he promises to conquer Westeros for her and their unborn son and immediately starts raiding towns for slaves and ships. At one town he gets cut in a leadership challenge and Daenerys gets a captive wise woman to heal him. However, the woman hates him because his tribe destroyed her hometown, raped/slaughtered or enslaved her friends and raped her three times so she curses him to become catatonic (along with killing his unborn son), leading a devastated Daenerys to perform an arguable mercy kill by smothering him with a pillow. After she burns herself, her stillborn child and the wise woman on his funeral pyre, Daenerys survives and it brings her dragons to life. GRRM named Drogo after [[The Lord of the Rings|Frodo's father]].
* Daenerys' handmaidens.
** Doreah: Daenerys' handmaiden and a wedding gift from Illyrio. A woman from Lysene brought by her brother to teach her how to pleasure a man. In the book she dies of fever and starvation crossing a desert, in the TV show, she betrays Daenerys for [[Salamanders|Xaro's BBC]] and gets locked in a vault to starve to death.
** Irri: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches Daenerys how to ride a horse. [[PROMOTIONS|Also pleasures Daenerys twice after catching her masturbating once]], yet this canonical girl-on-girl action was left out of the show. The character was even killed off there when she survived in the books, but in this case, it was because her actress' visa had expired rather than [[C.S. Goto|author railroading]].
** Jhiqui: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches her the Dothraki language and squabbles with Irri over wanting one of Daenerys' bodyguards when he becomes a badass. Also dies in the TV show while staying alive so far in the books.

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'''Slavers Bay'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">A civilization of [[Stupid Evil]] slavers. The remains of a previous civilization that was once the big powerful empire thanks to having phalanxes of obedient, pain-resistant soldiers which Valyria conquered a long while ago because phalanxes don't do too well against motherfucking dragons. They are ruled by wealthy slave mongers who buy slaves, train them up to do specific things and generally are a bunch of stuck up, decadent, puppy-eating (literally) assholes. Basically a civilization so repugnant even most hippies will be cheering when Dany decides to conquer them.

* The Unsullied: Eunuch phalanx fighting slave soldiers trained the Spartan way to produce totally obedient infantry that never break ranks. They also don't feel pain due to drinking a special drink daily, and each one has to take a new name from the name box each day so they can't develop a sense of identity. At least until Dany "bought" the lot of them, had them sack the city which trained them, and freed them.
* Grey Worm: The Unsullied Commander and a no-nonsense badass. When given a chance to take a new name he keeps his slave name because it's the name he had when freed so he considers it lucky. He is completely loyal to Daenerys, considering her his saviour, and in the show, he falls in love with fellow freed-woman, Missandei. This being ASOIAF, however, he can only watch helplessly as his lover is beheaded in front of him by the Mountain. This drives him into a rage, and he eagerly takes part in the sacking of King's Landing in revenge for her death. After the war is over and both Daenerys and Cersei are dead, he takes the Unsullied forces to Naath, in order to fulfil his promise to Missandei that he'd protect her homeland.
* Strong Belwas: A fat but skilled eunuch gladiator. Loves liver and onions and referring to himself in the third person. Travelling companion/guide of Ser Barristan. Has an awesome scene where he beats the champion of Meereen then mocks the Meereenese by taking a shit in their direction and wiping his ass on their dead champion's cloak. Also saves Daenerys from eating poisoned sweets. [[FAIL|Left out of the show]].
* Daario Naharis: A Tyroshi mercenary captain who dyes his hair blue. Betrays his fellow commanders for Daenerys because he loves her as a queen. Fortunately for him, Daenerys loves him back and they pursue a romance for a time, though she doesn't marry him as she's still otherwise smart enough to know she has to save herself for a political marriage. Goes to Yunkai as a hostage in the war on Meereen. Also potentially a shapeshifter, if the show is to be believed.
*Missandei: A young female slave with a remarkable talent for linguistics and one of the more empathetic people in this dark world, Missandei is freed by Daenerys during her campaign to liberate Slaver's Bay, eventually becoming one of her closest confidants and advisers. While a child in the books, in the show Missandei is a grown woman, falls in love with the Unsullied leader Grey Worm, but later is captured by Cersei and beheaded by the zombified Mountain in front of all her friends, but not before telling her friends to burn the Lannisters to ashes.

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'''Maesters'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> More than Scribes, (much) less than Mentats, Maesters serve their highborn lords as intellectual muscle. Maesters serve as doctors, teachers, and scientists, and are educated at The Citadel in Oldtown. They are expected to master a variety of topics, with each topic/level of mastery grants you a chain-link forged in a different type of metal (black iron for ravenry, valyrian steel for magic), and once you hit fifteen links, you can become an ordained Maester. Because of the high costs of their education (and the fact that you need to know how to read), Maesters are often highborn, probably a non-inheriting son or bastard. It is semi-prestigious, with the nerds calling themselves "Knights of the Mind" with all seriousness (and probably with some snickering jocks in the background) but you also don't get much say where you'll be assigned (and if the castle changes hands, you go with it, but it's not unheard of for Maesters to get killed along with everyone else.

A fan theory credits the death of Dragons with the work of Maesters, because the Maesters, as men of medieval "science," have a vested interest in the decline of magic, even though they also offer a <s>bachelor's degree</s> maester's link in "higher mysteries" which they consider to be their equivalent of an english major.
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===Magic and Gods===
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> The world of ASOIAF has various religions and faiths abound, just like in real life. Similarly, they range between fucking awesome to utterly useless. Dissimilarly, some of them have very tangible, undeniable magic powers, although it is said that the magic became stronger after the rebirth of Dragons into the world, and that in the Far East, where people worship [[Lovecraft|Lovecraft references]], that magic is still alive and well, but those are all just rumors.

Blood Magic seems to be the most consistent, with practitioners paying steep prices for magic, while the druidic magic of the Children of the Forest and the Old Gods still hold strong to this day, they just don't have any practitioners left.

Magic and the Afterlife is a theme in the setting as well, most expounded by the faithful of R'hllor: fire is associated with the warmth of life, as well as light; on the other hand, death is associated with cold and darkness; death carries a harsh finality in the series, ''except when it doesn't:'' as they've shown in special cases with those resurrected by R'hllor, rebirth comes with a price, and not everyone comes back ''fully there''.

*[[Ecclesiarchy|The Faith of the Seven]]: The Catholic Church/Church of England stand-in mixed with elements of Hinduism, which gets both sympathetic and unsympathetic characters associated with it (though mostly only in the books for the former). Holds an anti-slavery stance. The god/s are considered seven aspects of one deity with three male aspects (The Smith, the Father, the Warrior), three female aspects (The Maiden, the Mother, the Crone) and a sexless one representing Death, a bit akin to how the Hindu God Vishnu has multiple aspects. The places of worship are called Septs, and their system includes Septons, nun-equivalents called Septas and a Pope equivalent called a High Septon. The High Septons all give up their names when they become one to confuse future historians (and readers).
** High Septon 1 Fatfuck: A fat, greedy man who used the position for personal gain. He ended up being [[Grimdark|torn apart in a riot]], because the people resented that he had enough food to stay fat while they were starving.
** High Septon 2 Lannister Puppet: Successor of High Septon Fatfuck. Chosen by Tyrion so the Faith would be loyal to the Lannisters. Only ''slightly'' corrupt, being a pro-Lannister yes-man. Murdered on Cersei's order in the book, while in the show he's retconned into a whoremonger who gets deposed by the Sparrows (see below).
** High Septon 3/The High Sparrow: Successor of High Septon Lannister Puppet. After the second High Septon shown in the present day of the story died, the smallfolk burst into the meeting to pick a successor and ordered their chosen candidate to be put in charge when his original successor was caught whoremongering. He'd been a wandering preacher beforehand, and his feet were dark and gnarled from lots of walking. When he reaches the position he starts [[gets shit done|getting things done]]. Since he was appointed by a smallfolk religious movement called Sparrows, he's given the moniker "The High Sparrow". The nobility underestimates him, either due to having other matters or disregard for religious people, but he turns out to be smart, well-meaning and somewhat ruthless. Under the High Sparrow, he and the other clergymen sell their fancy clothes and decorations [[Noblebright|replacing them with simple wool tunics, using the money to buy food and clothes for the poor in King's Landing]]. He also has their Knights-Templar-equivalent reformed to [[Inquisition|protect the faithful and help them root out]] [[heresy]] and sin. He also outwits Cersei and has her arrested and tried for all her evil deeds. While Cersei's scheming does lead to Margaery's arrest, Cersei confesses to some crimes while concealing others, leading to Cersei taking a nude walk of penance in front of the entire city. After this, he somewhat reined in the nobles' politicking to actually look after the commoners and the Faith, though this does make some enemies. In the show, while he still talks of helping the Smallfolk, he and the Sparrows are [[C.S Goto|flanderized]] from assorted smallfolk and clergymen tired of the nobles' lawlessness and power plays into one-dimensional stereotypes and thinly-veiled jabs at the Catholic Church [[Imperial Truth|in a shoe-horned anti-religion message]]. While they do arrest Cersei and Margaery like in the books, the High Sparrow's plans all come to nothing, as during the trial most of the Faith, including the High Sparrow himself, get blown to Kingdom Come when Cersei has her agents ignite a massive amount of magical napalm underneath the Great Sept. In the books they're much more like Martin Luther and the Lutherans, except that the Protestant Reformation wins outright.
* [[Old Ones|Old Gods]]: Native American/Japanese Kame/Druid/nature spirits that reside in places called Godswoods. The original practitioners of this faith were the Children of the Forest, non-elf looking Wood Elves, whose magics were responsible for smashing an entire Southern Warhost with tsunamis (leaving only a narrow isthmus between the North and everyone else), the Wall (it was a collaborative effort with humans), and allowing people to look into the past, and (confirmed in the show at least) influence it.
**Their powers are limited to the North, though, where the last remaining Godswoods remain, but they can grant gifted individuals awesome psychic powers like Warging (mind-controlling animals) and Greensight (Time Travel). For some reason, Martin claims they're based off the Norse Gods. Probably has to do with the way the Vikings made sacrifices to their gods, by hanging them in Ash trees, a symbol for the World Tree Yggdrasil. The Weirwood trees are sacred to the followers of the Old Gods in a similar way. Mostly worship of them is quiet and informal.
*R'hllor: The God of Fire and Light, and like the Old Gods, actually shows evidence for existing. [[/tg/ gets shit done|He gets shit done]], being one of the most common faiths East of Westeros, and his priests have powers such as fire magic and motherfucking Resurrection. Has a nasty habit for burning heretics, though. GRRM said this faith is roughly based (read: poorly modelled after) upon Zoroastrianism and Gnosticism. His nemesis is The Great Other: the god of cold and darkness, the leader of the Others, and prophesied to be defeated by the chosen one, or messianic figure: [[Star Child|Azor Ahai/The Prince That Was Promised]], a figure who is the prophesied warrior that will fight with the Great Other/Night's King during the Apocalypse. Interestingly enough, the prophecy may not refer to a single person, but three (Jon, Tyrion/Bran, and Daenerys). Supposedly, one of these three will also receive an [[Emperor's Sword|awesome flaming sword called "Lightbringer"]].
**R'hllor is very popular among the slaves and poor of the East, though Eastern nobles hate him because of that association. It's actually hard-to-tell how many "miracles" ascribed to him are actually real miracles. Stannis, absolute chad though he is, has a sword called "Lightbringer" meant to evoke the mythical one, but Aemon has [[Bullshit|noticed that it doesn't give off any heat]].
**For obvious reasons, they are ''very excited'' that there are Dragons again.
* Him of Many Faces: The god of the Dead of the religion whose followers are the [[Officio Assassinorum|Faceless Men]]. According to his cult of assassins, whom Arya joins, all gods of death are just him: since every religion has a god of death of some sort, he ''must'' be the only one that's real. Of course, your mileage may vary as to whether he's real or not, though his most awesome followers are granted shapeshifting abilities and powers to be the ultimate assassins.
* Drowned God: Cthulhu combined with Odin. Runs an underwater Valhalla were all Ironborn go whey they either if they drowned at sea, the men die a manly death or the women die in childbirth. Probably doesn't exist or he would have done something about Euron Greyjoy... at least in the books. There, Euron is [[Imperial Truth|proudly scornful]] of him, and his brother Aeron fruitlessly and endlessly mutters "no godless man can sit the Seastone Chair". In the show, Euron is perfectly happy to go through the traditional Drownie coronation ritual and Aeron performs it.
* The Night's King: This is completely different depending on whether you prefer the [[oldfag|books]] or [[newfag|show]]. Book version: A long time ago, when the Night's Watch was just barely getting set up, its Lord Commander, the thirteenth in line, decided to climb over the Wall and explore some. While in the woods to the north of the Wall, he found a beautiful [[Monstergirls|Other female]]. He fell in love with her, had [[/d/|sex with her on top of the Wall]], which somehow changed him into an albino version of [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]], and set himself up as King of the Wall, making everyone in the Watch his slaves and sacrificial fodder. Naturally, this didn't sit too well with the Starks and the Wildlings, and so they banded together to free the Watch and kick his ass, which they managed to do successfully. Now everyone thinks him as dead or a myth. Show version: he was the very first White Walker ever created by the Children, and he decided to get back at them by wiping out all life. Also, whilst he was apparently beaten in the ancient past and sealed away behind the Wall, he's still "alive" and well, [[Daemonculaba|turning infant human boys into new White Walkers]]. Also, he can apparently raise up entire legions of undead, just by raising his arms and looking completely smug about it; unlike regular Others, who can just raise up maybe a village at most. Given that he's the resident [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] of the series, it makes sense that he can take down a dragon with seemingly little effort (a simple throw of his spear), and resurrect it to be his personal steed a la Arthas. (Whether that particular nonsense is going to show up in the books is up in the air, it's suitably grimdark and not particularly [[derp]] so it might.) Then he used the dragon to blow a hole in the Wall and begin [[The End Times]] for Westeros. But [[FAIL|dead]], thanks to Arya's magic ninja haxx which let her [[what|kill the BBEG and his entire race and army of zombies ''in one blow.'']]
** The Others/The White Walkers: A mysterious race from beyond the Wall, known to [[newfag|HBO fans]] as "the White Walkers". Can be described as ice demons/snow elves with necromancy. Eight thousand years ago, they invaded Westeros during a decades-long winter (even longer than the usual years-long winters) known as "the Long Night". With an army of undead warriors, they proceeded to fuck Westeros up every which way to [[Sunday]] before the locals finally drove them out, established the Night's Watch, and built the Wall to keep them out. Like all fantasy aspects of ASOIAF, they are very cliched.
**In the TV series, it's revealed that they were created from human captives by "The Children", the pseudo-[[Elf]] fair folk race that lived in Westeros before humanity arrived, as an attempt to create a super-weapon. The idea was since humanity bred faster than the Children could keep up with, they would create icy [[lich]]-creatures that could create [[undead]] soldiers, and these would then wipe out all human life. Instead, it went disastrously wrong because it turned out that the Children actually couldn't control what they'd created, so the Others [[Ork|just want to exterminate '''all''' life.]] In both versions the Night's King is in control.
*'''Other Eastern Magic/Religions''' - The further and further east you go, the more GRRM scatters Lovecraft references to give the world flavour, like the Shadowlands and its cities of oily, black stone, Leng, and [[Deep Ones|fish people]]. They're just references, though, and will likely never be important.
**The Unsullied have their own goddess, the Lady of Spears, [[Slaanesh|whose altar they burn their dicks on as offerings]].
**The slavers worship a harpy goddess and justify their slavery through her.
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==Locations==

'''Westeros''': The continent where about 80% of the plot takes place. Scotland in the North, Siberia/Northern Scandinavia beyond the wall, Moorish Spain in the South, with the rest being England as far as climate is concerned, only much, much larger.
*The North: By far the largest of the Seven Kingdoms in size, and the least in population. [[Naggaroth|A rocky, cold and dangerous landscape where life barely tolerable]] ([[Norsca|although it's still preferrable to the eldrich lands beyond the wall]]), sometimes it even snows in summer, giving you a general idea why it's quite a shitty place to be in when compared with the more southern kingdoms. Living in it are the Northmen, culturally an inbetween of Northern English and Scots. Most of them still revere the Old Gods and practice traditions that feel very alien to those living in the south, of the First Men culture before the Andal Invasion, still holding out here and the Iron Islands. It's also damn near unconquerable by conventional means due to the narrow isthmus between it and the south being a noxious swamp; . Its ruling house at the beginning of the Story is House Stark, later House Bolton; Its capital is Winterfell.
*Iron Islands: Large, rocky archipelago off the coast of the North and the Riverlands. Their bleak and inhospitable landscape is the major reason why the Ironmen culture, the other hold out of the First Men culture in Westeros which has the unique blend of only political and not cultural Andal influence and lack of Children of the Forest influence as Weirwoods don't grow on islands and only First Men humans ever lived here during those times, is so centered around pillaging and raiding; you can't grow crops on rock. Does have a decently sized economy based around metal working, but nowhere near enough to support its populace. Their capital is Pyke.
*Riverlands: As the name says, the Riverlands are marked by several large rivers flowing through it and the large fertile valleys surrounding them. The historical whipping boy of the continent after the Andal Invasion took over the old First Men realms (minus the North and the Iron Islands), constantly fought over by the Westerlands, the Stormlands, the Reach, the Iron Islands and the Vale, to the point that it was under Iron Islands rule when Aegon Targaryen unified the continent minus Dorne. Gets buttfucked the hardest during the War of the Five Kings by a metric ton; first by the Mountain carrying out a campaign of terror against the civilian populace on Tywin's orders and second by most of the major fights between the Lannisters and the Starks taking place there. Honestly, after all the fighting, raping and pillaging happening in the Riverlands, one must wonder how many people are actually still left in them. Their ruling house is House Tully (later House Baelish); its Capital is Riverrun (later Harrenhal).
*Vale of Arryn: Mountainous Region east of the Riverlands home to (supposedly) the finest knights in Westeros due to them having constant field practice in crushing rebellion after rebellion of the native <s>Irish</s> Mountain Tribes (think Forsworn from Skyrim, only a lot more foul-mouthed) and having an absolute abundance of tiny territories to give out. The population lives more densely packed in the few large cities and townships that exist here due and traversing them is dangerous. Its ruling house is House Arryn, its capital The Eyrie, '''the''' hardest castle to take in Westeros as it is built on a mountaintop. Gulltown, one of the cities of Westeros, is the main economic hub.
*Westerlands: The second-smallest Kingdom in size but by far the richest due to its abundance of Gold and Silver Mines. Has a proud tradition of fucking everyone over by the means of money, politics or both combined. Also has a substantial importance as a major trading and naval hub in the city of Lannisport, which is the largest port on the western side of the continent. Its ruling house is House Lannister, its capital Casterly Rock. Casterly Rock was the capital of the old Kings, House Casterly, which was outsmarted by [[Lukas the Trickster|Lann the Clever]], who married the last surviving daughter and founded House Lannister.
*Crownlands: The lands directly controlled by the Iron Throne, surrounding a big bay, with a rather pleasant, mild climate. Centered around the capital King's Landing, which gets an entry of its own. Its ruling house is always the house of the current kings. Formerly divided between the Riverlands and the Stormlands.
**King's Landing: The capital of the seven kingdoms and by far its largest city. It houses every important institution on the continent, most importantly the Red Keep, where the King of the Seven Kingdoms resides and the Great Sept of Baelor, the religious center of the Faith of the Seven. Aside from the Red Keep and the Great Sept, a filth ridden, downtrodden shithole that is rife with poverty and criminals whereever you may set foot; the City Guard is openly corrupt and acts more like a government-approved gang of thugs. It seems to be something of an unofficial sport among all chacters in the books to never say anything good the city. Architecturally described like Medieval London, at the size of 1600s Paris.
*The Reach: The second-largest of the Seven Kingdoms, and the most populous. Its wide plains, dominated by fields and plantings serve as the breadbasket of the Seven Kingdoms. Also home to the oldest city in Westeros, Oldtown, which in turn is home to the Citadel of the Maesters. Its ruling house is Tyrell, its capital Highgarden. House Tyrell is matrilineally descended from Garth Greenhand like many other houses. The old ruling family, House Gardener, Garth's direct descendants, was wiped out when Aegon unleashed his dragons, with the then Lord of House Tyrell (at this point permanent stewards to House Gardener), was placed in control as he was married to the last Gardener female.
*Stormlands: The lands of House Baratheon, a mix of forested mountains and steep, stony shores: so-named for the very frequent storms that batter its coast. The weather here is so bad, their capital is known as Storm's End because all previous castles were destroyed by the weather, so this one had to be built <s>by a competent Northman architect</s> with magic. In spite of the dangerously bad weather, the area can be quite beautiful when not being battered by the elements. The Baratheons are descended from a loyal general who served the original Aegon, who was also rumored to be his half-brother. After Robert ascended the throne, control of the Stormlands was left to his youngest brother, Renly, while the middle-brother, Stannis, was assigned to guard Robert's back on the much-smaller, less prestigious island of Dragonestone.
*Dorne: The southernmost region of Westeros and the hottest (in more ways than just temperature), consists of rocky deserts in its center and lush, meditterrean areas on its coasts. The Dornish people differ a lot from other Westerosi in ethnicity and culture and have a different origin, that of the migrating Rhoynar people interbreeding with the then relatively isolated local Westerosi. [[Dune|Dorne was also the only Kingdom to successfully resist conquest by the Targaryens]] and was only brought into the fold through political marriages, and their rulers retain the title of Prince (the Rhoynar and the local Westerosi don't use king or queen, they use prince or princess), not afforded to anyone else not of the Royal Family. Its ruling house is Martell, its capital Sunspear.
*The Wall: A wall of ice of gargantuan proportions erected by the First Men to protect themselves against the Others/White Walkers long ago that marks the nothern border of Westeros proper and runs across it from west to east for three hundred miles. In the times when the Night's Watch was under full strength, it was an impenetrable fortification against anything that might dare to cross it, not just because of its sheer dimensions, but also the implication that the wall itself is reinforced by eldrich magic keeping the horrors beyond the wall at bay via unnatural means. Nowadays only three of its 19 keeps are permanently manned, leaving wide gaps in the Night's Watch defense against Wildlings, who sometimes climb over it to raid the South. The Night King tears a hole into it with one of Daenerys' Dragons in the final episode of season 7, allowing him and his undead army to pass through.
*Beyond-the-Wall:
**Craster's Keep: Not really a "keep" but the [[GRIMDARK|home of a man who fucks his own daughters and offers his sons to the Others]]. He is one of the very few "independent" wildlings and offers use of his home to the Night's Watch when they go off on scouting expeditions. Because it's full of servile (inbred) women, the men of the Night's Watch mutiny and take it over.
**Thenn: The name of both the land and its people, the Thenn consider themselves to be the ''true'' "last of the First Men," because they have laws and lords compared to the anarchist free-for-all of the other Free Folk; they don't speak common, they can actually smith, and they treat the "Magnar," the title of their king, like a god. In the show, they're just shown to be a bunch of scarred barbarians.
**Lands of Always Winter: The furthest north people have ever gone and have been able to come back from, the Lands are perpetually frozen, and the Others are said to come from here. Clearly, if you head far enough North, you'll hit a Chaos Rift and end up in the Warp.

'''The Stepstones''': Formerly a solid land bridge between Westeros and Essos, it was brought down by Children of the Forest magic in a failed attempt to stop the First Men invasion. Now an archipelago of islands infested by various ne'er-do-wells.

'''Essos''': A huge landmess (no, not a typo) about southeast of Westeros and home to many independent city-states west of the big mountain range. Generally agreed upon to be largely desolate wilderness sprinkled in with the occasional kingdoms that seem exotic and alien to Westerosi. Most of its western half used to be the center of power of the legendary Valyrian Freehold, with the Free Cities being colonies of them that survived the downfall of the Valyrian Empire hundreds of years ago. The exceptions are Slaver's Bay, conquered by the Valyrians before regaining independence after the Freehold's collapse, Qarth, Ib and some of the others.
*Old Valyria: The former center of the [[Roman Empire|all-powerful free state that ruled over most of Essos at its peak and posessed magic and technology, as well as dragons to keep control over it.]] Valyrias strength was legendary, so much so in fact that the downfall of it still influences politics in the world centuries after it occured. No one quite knows why Valyria fell, the only certain thing is that it was plagued by a sudden series of natural disasters that all but destroyed its homelands and left it in ruin. Valyrian culture only survived in bastardized forms in the Free Cities and, prior to their extinction, House Targaryen in Westeros. The ruins of Valyria are said to cursed and avoided by all but the most desperate of travelers. Traveling through Valyria is similar to sailing through the [[Eye of Terror]]: not only are you dealing with dangerous seas (''boiling seas'' akin to underwater tectonic activity), but also fucking [[daemons]], and [[Gellerpox Infected|parasitic plagues]].
*Free Cities: There are 9 city-states on the Western Half of Essos. 8 are former Valyrian colonies, with Braavos being the notable exception to most of the things they have in common. What ties them all together is that they're all connected by trade and feudalism isn't such a big thing here, which also makes their culture remarkably different from the Westerosi. Westerosi tend to view them as greedy opportunists while the Free Cities in turn view Westerosi as ignorant morons at best and backwards savages at worst. If you were going to have a setting based on ASOIAF and didn't want to spend the entire time shitting in the dirt or bleeding out in a ditch for some inbred noble, this is where you'd want to be:
**Braavos: The only one of the nine free cities to not be a Valyrian Colony (excepting the other countries like Qarth and Ib, who don't count among the nine). It was founded by Slaves that escaped their overlord in a marsh on the northernmost tip of Essos. It is mainly known for its massive port and the Iron Bank of Braavos, the biggest bank in the world. It also houses the House of Black and White, the central temple and headquarters of the Faceless Men.
**Pentos: Another large trading port on the western edge of Essos. It serves as the major trading hub between Westeros and the rest of Essos.
**Lys: Located on an island off the coast of Essos. Founded as a resort for Freeholders, it has the largest population with the Valyrian phenotype in the known world. A decadent city whose most famous export are prostitutes.
**Myr: The women here are hot, considering how often Westerosi seem to come back with wives from here. Other than that, its only notable feature is its forever-war with Lys and Tyrosh.
**Norvos: They make really good bodyguards that are taught to see their [[Executioners|axes as their waifus]].
**Qohor: Not much is known about them, except one of the brutal mercenary companies is from here, and they worship the [[Lovecraft|Black Goat.]]
**Tyrosh: Greedy slavers. Not really notable, except they're one-third of the constant warfare of the Disputed Lands along with Lys and Myr and for being extremely flamboyant.
**Volantis: The crown jewel, first colony of the Freehold and considers itself the successor state to the Freehold.
**Lorath: No, they don't speak for the trees. Lorath is the poorest of the Free Cities, and not much is known about them. Its most notable feature are the underground labyrinths that dot the island and which predate the Valyrians. Typical of Martin, the Labyrinths and a similar cult in Essos (the cult of the Pattern) are a reference to someone else's work, [[Dick|but no, he doesn't like fanfiction]].
*Ghiscari Empire and Slavers Bay: To the East of Valyria and the Free Cities, these cities pre-date Valyria. Before they were conquered, they had their own empire and worshiped the Harpy. Nowadays, they trade with the Dothraki, exchanging tribute for slaves, which they then market to the rest of the World. Vaguely the [[Middle East]] of ASOIAF. They are: Old Ghis, New Ghis, Astapor, Yunkai, and Meereen. In the books, Dany is stuck here trying to manage the clusterfuck that is deslaverizing these lands. Currently locked in a brutal war where the newly-freed slaves are either fighting the surviving slaver-nobles, other cities, or each other.
*Qarth: What separates the "East" from the "Far East." It's to the West of Slaver Bay and East of not!China/Japan, so any traffic between the Free Cities, Slaver's bay, and them, requires them to pass through Qarth. Home to a bunch of fucking weirdo Orientalist tropes that vie for power: The Pureborn, the noble descendants of ancient Qaathi Kings and Queens that fled the sacking of their cities to Qarth, so hold no real power beyond their titles; the Ancient Guild of Spicers (it's in the name); the Thirteen, ''another'' group of Merchants; the Tourmaline Brotherhood (more merchants!). Qarth is also the location of the House of the Undying, a group of Warlocks that drink "shade-of-the-evening," which is pretty much [[Dune|Spice from Dune]], but made from trees and not wormshit; the House of the Undying and most of its Warlocks were burnt down by Dany's dragons after they tried to steal them; they sent out some guys for revenge, but they ran into Euron where he promptly murdered them all and took their <s>spice</s> <s>nightshade</s> shade-of-the-evening. Functionally Singapore, but with a more Indo-Persian aesthetic.
*Rhoyne: Destroyed former city of the Rhoynar, who fled the Valyrian Freehold and migrated to Dorne. The former capital is currently infested by Stone-Men, Greyscale survivors who have gone feral.
*Ib: not!Dwarfs, but described more like Neanderthals than Nordic shorties. They're [[squat]], barrel-chested, with thick wiry black hair, heavy sloping eye brows and square-teeth of neanderthals, They're also incredibly hairy, and even their women have facial hair., Instead of digging holes in mountains, they travel the sees in equally-stocky whaling ships. They tend to keep to themselves, [[Meme|but are natural sailors, suitable for long voyages]].
*The Dothraki Sea: Not a sea, but the name for the not!Eurasian Plains. Before the Freehold collapsed and the Dothraki tribesmen took advantage of the chaos of the Century of Blood to conquer it and burn down all but one of the old Qaathi cities (with only Qarth itself surviving) and most of the old Kingdom of Sarnor along with other minor cities, it was known as the Great Grass Sea.
**Vaes Dothrak: The capital and only permanent Dothraki settlement. It is forbidden to carry weapons or spill blood here (doesn't mean you can't kill through other means).
*Golden Empire of Yi Ti: Not!China, with a mysterious history and pattern of legends eerily-similar to Westeros' own. Like China, has a long history of Emperors, each dynasty progressively ruling over smaller, weaker empires. The current dynasty is actually so weak, they're not taken seriously outside their capital.
**The Five Forts: In the not!Chinese version of the Long Winter/Long Night, the Empire of Yi Ti was cast into a long night that never ended, where the evil Lion of the Night was unleashed by the Bloodstone Emperor. He was beat back by the Lord of Light/Hyrkoon the Hero/but the name that the Yi Ti know him by was never stated. Just like the Wall in Westeros, the Five Forts were said to be erected by a great Emperor soon after to make sure the crisis never happens again. Just like Westeros, the Five Forts have waned in importance, now only protecting the Yi Ti from barbarians. The Five Forts are said to be made from a material of "fused black stone," similar in description to many ancient ruins all over the setting. Harrenhal is also described similarly, but Harrenhal was stone melted by dragonfire, so the idea that the Five Forts was made with the aid of dragons and/or magic has been floated by fans.
*The Jogos Nhai: not!Mongols, but they ride Zebras and are literally cone-heads.
*Asshai-by-the-Shadow: Further-Further-East, it may as well be mythic. The city of Asshai is depressingly gloomy, the entire city is composed of dark black towers made of fused, black stone that seems to "drink the light."

The South:
'''Summer Isles''': Think Avelorn, but Black. An archipelago to the Far South of Westeros, everything here is pretty idyllic. War is very formalized, prostitution is a religious rite, [[meme|there are no white people]], it's practically paradise. A deposed prince was sent to exile in Westeros and had been trying to get Robert to make the journey south to put him back on the throne, but no one really took him seriously.

'''Sothoryos''': [[Lustria|Jungle hell]].
*Yeen: Made of the same creepy black metal in Stygai, implied to be an old Empire of the Dawn Outpost. Even the death world jungle (as in, not just the animals, the actual jungle itself) refuses to go in there for fear of dying.

'''Ulthos''': not!Australia, and has absolutely no lore. Seriously, GRRM has literally never mentioned it except in relation to another place that also has no lore. It's a passing mention that his obsessive fans took note of, and when they literally helped wrote the setting book for him, their guess became canon.

==The appeal of A Song of Ice And Fire==
Exactly what catches the eyes of [[Skub|a given fan/critic/lout who complains about how bad it is anytime the show is mentioned within earshot]] to ASOIAF and its TV adaptation varies from individual to individual. Still, there's a couple of major draws.

'''The Worldbuilding:''' The main reason why this series gets compared to [[The Lord of the Rings]], ASOIAF is literally ''drowning'' under the weight of its worldbuilding, being crammed as full of facts about fictitious regions, histories, cultures, dynasties and races as GRRM can fit it. Your mileage will vary on how ''good'' that info is, but there's plenty of info in it. It is worth noting that much of the vagueness of various aspects of the world's lore comes down to the limited perspectives of each of the characters' point of view, so many places and events are often only known partially through superstition, rumors, and often second hand experiences passed down and muddled over time; all of which play quite heavily into the overall story structure of the series.

'''A vast colorful Cast:''' A lot of works of fantasy get by with a few archetypal characters (the Young Guy out to Prove themself, the Wise Wizard, the Dark Lord, the Mischievous One, the Grizzled Veteran, the Princess, the Dwarf, etc) and maybe a guy or two which rises above this. A Song of Ice and Fire has dozens of viewpoint characters and a hundreds of secondaries each with different situations, drives, motives and quirks that make them reasonably interesting. Even if you don't like one or some of them, there are plenty of others. When they die, it often hits home. Speaking of which...

'''Mainstream [[Dark Fantasy]]:''' Dark Fantasy is not exactly a mainstream niche. ASOIAF stands out by deliberately trying to market itself to the mainstream, despite embracing an abundance of dark fantasy tropes; gratuitous violence, sexuality and sexual violence, moral ambiguity, political intrigue, and a willingness to suddenly kill off any character, even the most likeable or heroic of them.

'''[[Low Fantasy]]:''' On the surface, ASOIAF is an old-school Low Fantasy setting, being a medieval-tech world with the story openly focused on the mundane lives of people struggling for political power and though supernatural elements do exist, they tend to be used sparingly.

'''[[High Fantasy]]:''' But if you scratch the surface, ASOIAF is also a High Fantasy setting, which is always the more marketable of the two, with the big backstory about how the world is facing impending doom from an army of wintery [[fey]] and their [[undead]] minions. There are also non-evil higher powers working against them, but they get swept under the rug in the show. Also, [[dragon]]s. As the more marketable genre, it's also inevitably the more skubby one, for whatever that's worth.

'''[[Magical Realm|Gratuitous Sexuality]]:''' More a thing for the TV show than the books; GRRM's scenes were [[Rape|raepy]] in the earlier volumes, and apparently our boy must have overheard the nickname "George Rape Rape Martin (I ''Like'' Rape)", because he dialed back the forced boning in #4-5. The frequent scenes of nudity and sex in the early seasons of the show were a ''big'' selling point for many people (the casting of people from the sex industry for some of these scenes also helped).

'''Not much in terms of generic fantasy tropes:''' Hate how almost every fantasy just has to have things popularized by Tolkien such as elves, dwarves, orcs and all that stuff? You're in luck because ASOIAF doesn't have a "five races" system, their accompanying stereotypes or the plot hinging on a magic item. On the other hand, it does have several generic fantasy tropes, such as [[dragon]]s, [[Medieval Stasis]], [[undead]] and at least two contenders for [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] status, so if you hate them too, well...

'''Lots of Houses and Sigils''': OK, so this is sort of a joke...except not completely. For those who are artistically minded and love coming up with their own OC groups and/or fleshing out minor characters, this setting really does invite it with the absolutely insane number of houses [[Space Marines|that each have their own distinct logo/color-scheme combo]].

==Oh Yeah, About The TV Show==
[[image:KnightsWhoSayFuck.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Yeah, pretty much.]]

{{Skubby}}

After the first three books became hits, many Hollywood producers and directors had come to the sadistic neckbeard, asking him about making a movie adaptation. At first, he was reluctant at best, due to the fact that a lot of his content would've been cut out to fit into a movie trilogy (see the Lord of the Rings live-action films). Then, a couple of dudes, David Benioff and D.B/Daniel Brett Weiss (AKA D&D, or more accurately as of the final season, Dumb & Dumber), decided to contact him and asked him at a local restaurant about turning ASOIAF into a Television show produced by HBO, the top-rated soft-core porno channel. The story goes that George asked them a very specific question (Who is Jon Snow's mother?). Satisfied with the response they gave, he gave them permission to start work on the show, which would be titled after the first book, ''Game of Thrones''. They would later go on to prove that this is not a good way of choosing who should adapt your work.

The television show casts several well-known performers, such as Sean Bean as Eddard, Peter Dinklage as Tyrion, Lena Headey as Cersei, and Charles Dance as Tywin. They have also cast some comparatively less well-known actors and even ones new to cinema, such as Sophie Turner (Sansa), Maisie Williams (Arya), Kit Harington (Jon), Iwan Rheon (Ramsay), Alfie Allen (Theon), and Richard Madden (Robb)

Thus, book snobs seem to think that every episode post-season 4 is nothing more than Emmy-bait. Regardless of the fact Kit Harington still [[Fail|doesn't have an Emmy]], there's a valid contention in that regard, with the number of liberties taken overshadowing the initial appeal.

The final season (more on that below) was eventually revealed to be such a train wreck because Dumb & Dumber did not want to work on the series anymore and had let the success with the earlier seasons go to their heads. In their arrogance, instead of handing the reins to someone else, they decided to plan out their own ending and use it as an audition to Disney so they could write for Star Wars. By then, they'd run out of books to adapt, there was no superior writing for them to leech off of and there was no one to gainsay them in their echo chamber of a writer's room (even George himself was cut out). The result was absolutely shit writing that caused a glorious breakage in the [[skub]] dam that left [[Butthurt|many a fan's anus weeping]] (provided they weren't early seasons fans, book series fans, or any of the other assorted onlookers [[Lulz|taking part in the mightiest of keks]]) and, if anything proved <s>George's </s> Ramsay's quote at the beginning of the article true. Goddamn Dumb & Dumber, could you talentless Derp machines do any worse if you tried? Luckily, comeuppance came after them and Disney, having some sense, told them to fuck off with their [[Star Wars]] ideas after the backlash towards the final season. Not that Disney Star Wars has been without its share of controversy and [[Rage]], but you know it's bad when someone gets told to piss off from even that.

The Greatest Irony and Tragedy of the show's writing was that in the first few seasons, with George RR Martin consulting them and with a wealth of material from the first few books to work with, D&D were actually pretty damn good at adapting the books into a TV format. In fact, quite a few scenes were in fact not only adapted, but actually created from scratch outside of the source material. One of the most noteworthy is the iconic introduction of Tywin Lannister in Season 1 Episode 7, where we learn everything we need to know about his character with nothing but precisely chosen dialogue and a rather blunt visual metaphor of him gutting a stag he slew in a hunt, all while brutally laying into Season 1's initially perceived villain, Jaime. Contrast this with Season 5 where the show's major decline began with blunders such as the omission of fan-favorite Lady Stoneheart, literally butchering the Dorne subplot with Martell family team-killing and changing the Sparrows' movement to a militant atheist's stereotype of religion. This decline makes a lot more sense after George himself admitted that Season 5 was the first Season where he was was really locked out of the loop.

Goes to show how much they had fallen when the well ran dry and the show' writing and adaptation process was no longer the finely honed instrument it had started as.

'''TL;DR'''

[[GM|Producers Dumb&Dumber-style change characters and railroad the plot at a whim,]] [[/d/M|the tits and ultraviolence spigot is opened even wider than the books,]] and most scenes are made for the actors to show off their skills at making their signature angry/murder/brooding/etc. faces, and wrapped it up with a season of TV soon to be discussed that even Matt Ward would be 100% justified in pointing and laughing at. Seasons 1-4 are worth your time, 7 and 8 are best ignored, and 5 and 6 are the [[Skub]] ones.

===The Final <s>Dumpster Fire</s> Season===
{{Fail}}
{{HurfDurf}}
{{Plot Armour}}

{{Topquote|If you try to do something fancy with your ending and you screw up, your audience will probably remember the botched ending more than the well run marathon|JP from Terrible Writing Advice (and advice Dumb and Dumber obviously didn't heed}})

Seasons 5, 6, and especially 7 all got their share of grief from people. Mostly deserved in the case of Season 7 and [[Skub|arguably so]] for 5 and 6 (though the latter did at least finally give Ramsay his just desserts, most of the problems that cropped up in 5 and 6 happened when the show passed the book in particular plotlines and mostly served as an early warning, 7 is when things started getting criticized in general rather than individual plots or details). Season 8 though? Well, read on:

The Final Season kicks off with the Night King's army attacking Winterfell in a battle meant to be epic, but instead so chock full of tactical [[Fail|fails]] from the living, they make General Custer look like Sun Tzu. The most infamous examples include Melisandre's powers being underutilized, putting soldiers in front of trenches/walls they should be behind/standing on, no flanking charges and hiding the non-combatants in a crypt while fighting necromancers. The battle is resolved when Arya teleports directly to the BBEG and kills him with some sleight-of-hand that destroys his entire army Keystone Army trope-style and ends the winter. Also Theon, Jorah and Melisandre die, but the story sweeps their deaths under the rug like they're nameless background characters.

Then the Westerosi go full-retard and start hating Daenerys. Yes really; Dany helped end a nation-destroying winter plus a zombie apocalypse, has a claim to the throne AND is their best ally against Cersei... but they want her gone. Even Sansa suddenly turns against Dany and starts seeking the throne, despite having no claim to the rest of Westeros and Dany being easily able to kill her for treason. Everyone inexplicably starts wanting Jon to be king despite his attempt to abdicate, and Jon himself even starts thinking Aunt Daenerys might be a bad queen... but that doesn't stop him from [[Incest Smith|starting a sexual relationship with her]]. The fact that Robert's bastard son Gendry is now a lord, giving him a claim to the throne at least as strong as Dany's or Jon's, is swept under the rug. Varys also jumps ship from Dany to Jon for no reason, even trying to kill Dany in an uncharacteristically stupid move. For his efforts, Tyrion reports Varys to Daenerys, who has Varys executed by Drogon's fire-breath.

Then Daenerys press-gangs people who should logically be happy to fight for her into an army to attack King's Landing and brings them there by sea. Along the way Rhaegal, one of Daenerys' two surviving dragons, is killed by ballistae from Euron's ships. This is despite the facts that Daenerys and her dragons should've easily been able to spot the ships, they were flying well out of ballista range and Euron had no way of knowing where they'd be. After Daenerys and Drogon single-handedly destroy the Iron Fleet (amid poorly animated weather*), they reach King's Landing. Cersei's artillery does nothing despite Daenerys, all her advisors and her dragon being within lethal range plus Cersei's lack of scruples. They in turn do nothing but watch Daenerys' friend Missandei, who was captured offscreen earlier, get executed by zombie-Gregor (despite the fact Cersei and co. had no reason to believe Missandei was anyone of import to either capture or execute. Maybe someone left a copy of the script in Cersei's solar next to her Starbucks latte**)

The battle for King's Landing has Daenerys' forces break in and battle through the streets. Meanwhile Jaime snuck though the tunnels [[Fail|to find and reconcile with Cersei. The Hound regresses to his old violent self and tracks down zombie-Gregor to take him down in a battle that kills them both (although most consider this the one bright spot in the episode). Arya gives up on revenge and decides to let Cersei go despite having strong non-revenge-related reasons to kill her]]. The famed Golden Company is quickly killed off and Cersei signals a surrender by ringing the bells (the bells aren't, and have never been, signals for surrender). Then, in the capstone of bad writing for this season, Daenerys' switch flips from good to evil because the writers want it to happen, and Dany abandons her plan of freeing and leading Westeros to purging King's Landing with her dragon and army. Cersei and Jamie die together in a cave-in and Tyrion mourns their deaths despite being ready and eager to personally kill Cersei earlier. This is followed by Dany's Saruman/Hitler-esque speech that has nothing to do with her former character. Tyrion is arrested for criticizing Daenerys by saying "If this is liberation, I don't believe in liberation theology." Yes, [[Derp|the writers think theology and ideology are the same thing]] (an unsurprising mistake, given they shoehorned in anti-religious rants for the past three Seasons despite the books' even-handedness). This last one has proven to be its own personal bit of Skub, as many have argued that Daenerys going evil is in keeping with the cynical themes and tone of the setting. While this isn't wrong on its face, it does nothing to change the fact that the execution is 100% half-assed. Walter White's descent into villainy this is not, or even Anakin's arc in the Star Wars Prequels, which looks like The Godfather compared to what Season 8 does with Daenerys.

In the aftermath, Jon assassinates Daenerys for the King's Landing massacre... [[Derp|right in front of her dragon]]. Drogon, due to Jon's stronger-than-Valyrian-steel-plot-armor, doesn't kill him but melts the Iron Throne ([[What|accidentally according to the showrunners]]) while chucking a tantrum before grabbing Dany's body and flying away. Jon is somehow charged with Dany's murder despite there being no evidence that he did it, but surprisingly none of the surviving characters still loyal to Dany try to kill Jon (such as the Unsullied or the Dothraki). Despite there being several legitimate choices of king still available, including Gendry, the nobles decide to replace a dynastic monarchy with an elective one and make Bran king. Bran is nominated by Tyrion for a nonsensical reason ("he has the best story"), Tyrion somehow getting a say in the meeting despite being imprisoned for treason.

The Unsullied go to Southros under command of Grey Worm (the only one who still has a personality at this point). The Dothraki are forgotten about by everyone else. Tyrion is freed and made Hand of the King to Brann. Brienne is made Commander of the Kingsguard. [[Derp|Bronn is made Master of Coin (and Lord of Highgarden) despite him not knowing how financial loans work. Gendry is completely forgotten. Samwell is made the new Grand Maester]] and [[What|the North secedes and becomes independent under Queen Sansa (which definitely wouldn't cause future problems and tensions)]]. [[The Lord of the Rings|Arya sails to the West]] for some unknown reason and Jon is exiled but doesn't care because he gets to go back up north with the Wildings like he wanted. The end.

This trainwreck of a plot is a testament to how two morons can royally fuck up a show beyond any redeeming qualities the cast and crew can put forward. And even then there were screw-ups among the production staff, such as *the animators being unable to decide whether the sky is sunny or overcast when Dany and Drogon destroy the Iron Fleet - which mattered because Dany's plan to not get shot down involved having the sun behind her - and **not removing the actors' water bottles and coffee cups from the set before shooting. Hyperbole is sort of the norm here, but it really is hard to overstate how badly Season 8's finale fucks up. Game of Thrones was ''everywhere'' culturally for most of the 2010s, drawing in huge numbers of people who would otherwise never be caught dead indulging in High Fantasy works with us uber-nerds. Now, the entire Thrones fandom has practically disappeared or gone underground. Honestly, it would be an impressive achievement if it weren't so terrible.

==House of the Dragon: The ''other'' TV show==

{{Topquote|If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again.|Benjamin Franklin [[Star Wars:Rebels|(and also Maul when trying to kill Kanan)]]}}

Deciding that there was still a market for Game of Thrones stuff even after the last season turned the 2010s biggest pop-culture phenomenon into a laughingstock*, HBO bet the bank on some spin-offs, the first of which is now upon us. House of the Dragon is a prequel dealing with the Dance of Dragons, a civil war between two Targaryen factions that ends up consuming Westeros and everyone in it World-War style, and featuring lots of dragons fighting dragons and the standard Westeros fare of fairly bad people doing extremely bad things. Like Game of Thrones before it, it boasts a star-studded cast, a big budget, and a lot of hype. Time will tell if it redeems the failures of the original show or repeats them. If there's a reason to be optimistic (aside from Dumb and Dumber being absent), it would be that the whole story of the Dance of Dragons is written and mapped out, meaning the writers don't have to come up with their own shit to make an ending that George hasn't yet written. Has gotten off to a strong start, so there's the hope that it will be able to redeem the legacy GoT's last two seasons absolutely ruined.

*Given that the premiere was apparently so widely watched it crashed the streaming for many people, they might actually be right.

Ultimately, with Martin having more oversight over the writing of this series, and director Miguel Sapochnik actually having a passion for the setting and genre rather than just answering a mystery question to GRRM's satisfaction, the current 6 episodes have seen sky high bumps in both HBO viewership and rave reviews. The slow burn over years as the characters inch closer towards disaster has left the majority of viewers on a palpable knife's edge so far. By the time the 1st season wrapped up, the show had garnered enough praise and profit to warrant the green light by HBO for work on the next season, with out of the park critical and commercial praise, in most cases surpassing its Amazon LOTR contemporary ''Rings of Power'' with just a third of the budget per episode. In fact, George Martin was so moved by the performance of Paddy Considine as King Viserys Targaryen, that he stated that he wished he could tear out all that he wrote about the character in his books and rewrite it to match the show version.

==GRRM and [[Your Dudes]]==
Want to make your own ASoIF setting for a role-playing game? Well, readers have enough room to fantasize about their own minor noble House (or kingdom during the Age of the Hundred Kingdoms).

A good example of what you could do is the House from the old [[/v/|"Telltale Game of Thrones"]], House Forrester. Their relationship to the canon is as follows:

House Forrester (lords of someplace in the Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Glover (overall lords of the entire Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Stark (rulers of the North).

[[Fantasy Flight Games]] had a very brief tie-in making those annoying attention-sucking Facebook games, way back when FFG did that sort of thing. Just goes to show how even the other guys [[Games Workshop|will do anything for money]].

There's also an actual tie-in tabletop RPG now, which uses its own system and looks kind of like [[Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay]] with a heavy helping of resource-management strategy feel.
Players are assuming the role of a minor House to guide to glory, or, more accurately given the setting we're in, NOT to ruin utterly in a season or two, which would still be more than many A-list players mustered in canon. Each PC has a specific position within said House, and only the role of official Head is mandatory; the rest could be wife/children/brothers and sisters/all other kinds of siblings, bastards (with rules for obtaining the legitimate recognition), maesters, sworn/subservient knights, or most of anybody else. This naturally opens up near-infinite possibilities for families screwed up seven ways to high heavens, which would make Lannister's brand of infighting-slash-inbreeding look as sane as the High Septon.

The setting is also ill-suited for "adventures in Westeros" style of gaming for two reasons:
#In the grim darkness of low fantasy, a roaming nobody with no banner to talk about, no House allegiance, no nothing isn't generally treated to a Tavern With Quest Givers, but rather more to a Tavern Where You Are Shanked For Your Sword And Boots And Dumped At The Nearest Forest. Heck, even the big wheelers and dealers are routinely seen invited to the latter when they are slow to properly introduce themselves.
#Working on your initially-puny House will quite realistically involve thy neighbours first and foremost, then liege lords from the higher House yours is sworn to, and on occasion shopping around for an advantageous marriage - there simply ain't gonna be that much spare time to "travel to see places". Both of these are also why tourism wasn't a very popular pastime in medieval Europe (aside from Pilgrimages to Jerusalem, Cologne and Santiago de Compostela) and why those who were "living on the road" usually enjoyed the lowest social standing.

A note to aspiring Lords: do NOT, under any circumstances, allow your "combat-optimized" siblings an unsupervised minute in a social setting. Game's "social combat" system is a thing more brutal than the physical one, and it takes a socially-optimized character all of a few minutes to mindfuck one who is not (read: everyone but dedicated diplomats and Heads of the Houses, and not every one of the latter, to boot, as illustrated by several amazing boneheads in canon) into believing pretty much anything short of Grumpkins and Snarks. Stupid NPCs or a stupid GM will make said mindfuck obvious, allowing you to "mindfuck 'em back" without abuse of OOC info; cunning ones will not.

On a side-note; GRRM is said to take a dim view of fanfiction, saying it kills creative ability. This is kind of a double-edged statement, since a lot of George's characters here are either rehashes of his characters from previous works, references to other fictional characters (like Littlefinger and Samwell being based on Jay Gatsby and [[The Lord of the Rings|Samwise Gamgee]]), walking tropes (such as Ned Stark and Robb Stark being the "[[TVTropes|Honor Before ]] [[Lawful Stupid|Reason]]" characters) or historical references (such House Lannister ripping off House Lancaster and House Tyrell being totally-not-House-Tudor - to the point that Margaery Tyrell is played by Natalie Dormer from "The Tudors" TV show). While this makes everything he wrote just another...fanfiction, and his disapproval hypocritical. Still, given the "creative" output of the average neckbeard, he's perhaps not entirely wrong. For another layer of irony/hypocrisy, he sold the rights to make a TV series of the books to HBO, who's adaptation would eventually devolve into a glorified fanfic.

==Games==
[[image:AGot-2nd-ed-cardfan.png|thumb|250px]]
Like any fantasy author who finds themselves unexpectedly in the warm embrace of commercial success, Martin quickly licensed the shit out of his setting; spawning everything from resin miniatures to replica great swords. While most of this is worthless junk to foist on [[Neckbeard|obsessive fanboys]] /tg/ has agreed that a few of the games are made of win. The first two are a collectable [[CCG|card game]] put out in 2002 by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] and a [[Risk]]-esque board game that followed shortly after in 2003. One of [[White Wolf]]'s subsidiaries also put out a [[d20 System|d20 RPG]] in 2005 but it quickly tanked because, come on, [[White Wolf]]. Martin since wrested the rights back and developed a new version with [[Green Ronin Games]].

Now let's have some serious talks about the Game of Thrones games, because they have become some sort of endless source of [[Skub|amusement and frustration]] for the gaming fanbase. Game of Thrones is, roughly speaking, the second franchise with the most licensed board games, after [[Star Wars]]. Some of them have acquired quite a legendary status and a fanbase that goes beyond the book or series fans.

The great juggernaut for all the ASOIAF-based games is [[Fantasy Flight Games]]:
* First and foremost we have [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-the-board-game-second-edition/ ''A Game of Thrones: The Board Game'']: a game that after two editions still ranks high in /bgg/'s top 100, and has recently had an expansion. The board game has become some sort of meme for the modern board gamers and it could be considered the equivalent of a more advanced [[Risk]], in which dice and blank character got replaced by a very flavourful and brutal combat system and a lot of thematical mechanics fueling the engine. Overall this game has been associated with concepts such as requiring maximum player count to really be entertaining, having an amazing amount of length and depth and being a very faithful representation of the political feeling the series inspired. Almost any boardgamer or wargamer worth his salt has played this game and enjoyed its highs, its lows and the amazing amount of frustrations it brings. This is probably the most well known of all the ASOIAF games and it was released way before Game of Thrones was a cultural phenomenon back in 2003.<br>
:It also has a digital edition, sold on Steam and Android

* Another game that bears mention, both for its excellent mechanics and its historical significance is [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-the-card-game-second-edition/ A Game of Thrones: The Card Game]. It is one of the most balanced card game experiences you can get, also full of flavour and with quite a great amount of balance and non-linear thinking. The best part is, unlike certain other popular card games, the game follows the living card game format: players know exactly what each booster pack brings and can buy cards in a more responsible manner, rather than playing bingo and hoping to get a rare card. Also, the sole core set already provides more replayability than some fully-fledged board games.

* Finally, the last game to mention in the [[Fantasy Flight Games|FFG]] venerable trilogy of games is [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/battles-of-westeros/ ''Battles of Westeros''], arguably the most ambitious and least successful of the three. Battles of Westeros was a fully-fledged wargame that used the [[Memoir 44]] and [[BattleLore]] rules as a base, but then evolved into its own by introducing mechanics such as commanders, tactic cards, and very creative scenario rules. Miniatures were made in 15mm and, for their time and scale, they were quite detailed; some commanders are real standouts (for example, Robb Stark's has his direwolf jumping at his side).<br>
:Thanks to its scale, the game was able to provide players with a great number of options and units at a fraction of the price of other board games. With a core set that was already stacked with units and variety, and then faction-specific expansions that added several more units and commanders. The game also came with scenario books that provided narrative play with quite creative rule variants, such as storming palisades, having decoys in escort missions, and bombarding enemies with catapults. One scenario even tried to bring to life the Battle of the Blackwater (the hybrid invasion of King's Landing by Stannis ''the God-Damn Mannis'' Baratheon). The game was incredible and quite a creative wargame, but its main issue was that the setup time was just terrible. Incredibly complex and tiresome when compared to the actual gameplay time.

There are others, such as the ASOIAF-themed [[Settlers of Catan|Catan]] expansion called [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-catan-brotherhood-of-the-watch/ ''A Game of Thrones Catan: Brotherhood of the Watch''], another card game called [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/hand-of-the-king/ ''A Game of Thrones: Hand of the King''], and another board game [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/game-of-thrones-the-iron-throne/#/products-section ''Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne'']. The quality of those, however, remains to be seen.

And then the miniature-producing Kickstarter juggernaut [[CMON]] decided to produce its own [[wargame]], with AMAZING miniatures. The game began with, of course, a [https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cmon/a-song-of-ice-and-fire-tabletop-miniatures-game Kickstarter], and after that, the game has had at least 2 dozen more releases with 3 more factions added.<br>
The game has some mechanics taken from rank and file games, such as [[Kings of War]], combining them with mechanics taken out of "battles of Westeros" particularly the tactics deck. A new page is in the works: [[ASOIAF Miniature Game]]

==Books==
*''A Game of Thrones''
*''A Clash of Kings''
*''A Storm of Swords'': Split into 2
*''A Feast for Crows'': half the characters, the point where the series goes down the toilet
*''A Dance with Dragons'': split into 2 the first is about the other half of the characters, and manages to pick things up a bit
*''The Winds of Winter'': First rumored to be ready by late 2018, then given an official release date of Summer 2020, those times have come and gone and the book is unreleased. Though he has shared chapters of the book.
*''A Dream of Spring'' : Unreleased and unlikely to ever be.
** GRRM will most likely die before writing this, though he has given an outline for how he wants the series to end that might be made public knowledge if he dies before the book series is finished.
*''The Dunk and Egg Series'': A story about a landless hedge knight travelling across Westeros with a Targaryen squire, so he can teach him how not to be an asshole to peasants. Consists of three small novels, with the fourth one being essentially ready (it was supposed to be published in a Dangerous Women anthology, but was shelved by Martin).
*''Fire and Blood'': Martin's Silmarillion (it even had a GRRMarillion working title at one point) that details the rule of Targaryen kings since the Conquest up until Robert's Rebellion. Only one tome, which abruptly ends on King Aegon III sixteen birthday, was relased, with the second one being released <s>never</s> after Winds of Winter.
**''Sons of the Dragon'': standalone chapter that was released 2 years before full FoF, detailing reigns of Aenys and Maegor.
**''Rogue Prince'': chapter about King Viserys' reign on which most of HOTD's Season 1 is based.
**''The Princess and The Queen'': chapter about Dance of Dragons (do not be confused with Dance ''with'' Dragons).

==On The "Grimdarkness" of the Setting==

One important note: While the setting is usually held to be "Grimdark", it is also very true to Real Life in its nastiness, with real consequences for assholes. George himself has said, quote; "No matter how much I make up, there's stuff in history that's just as bad, or worse." Book one is almost exactly the beginning of the War of the Roses, except with England enlarged to a continent's size and the seasons stretched out to let the travel times work. (...And then the dragons wake up, the ice elves and their undead armies return and magic makes a comeback. It's not a perfect analogy. All that stuff is closed in their own sub plots and they don't involve the main continent in the book, that is left to "common" war and plotting.)

For an example of Grimdark, but with consequences: The King can order the execution of the head of the leading noble family of the North, for essentially no reason, but now he doesn't have hostages to exchange when their relatives and/or armies come after him seeking revenge. (And all this is modeled on various occasions where more or less '''exactly''' this kind of thing happened in real life medieval Europe.)

In other words: Truly heinous shit goes on, and there's nothing ''stopping'' that kind of shit... but there are ''consequences'' to that kind of shit that act as an effective counterbalance against being seen to do that kind of shit to the smarter nobles in the kingdom. And, because anyone can die, the shittiest characters are no more guaranteed survival than the nicest.

Also worth mentioning that there's reason to think that, despite the quote that began this page, the series may not actually end on [[The End Times|100% downer note]], as Martin has said he hopes his series will end in a way akin to the Scouring of the Shire from Lord of the Rings, which, despite the name, is more of a bittersweet ending. So who knows (though this also presumes the author will actually get around to finishing the series at all).

In sum, whether the setting fully qualifies for "Grimdark" is a matter for debate. Probably the best way of looking at is that it is Grimdark, but in a nuanced way.

==See Also==
*[[/tg/ Song of Ice and Fire Houses]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U7NpSubAJQ Weiner, Weiner weiner]

[[category: Literature]]

A Song of Ice and Fire

2023-01-09T01:26:36Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* Characters */

[[image:Game_of_Thrones_Title-DVD.png|300px|thumb|WIENER PARTY! WIENER PARTY!]]

{{Spoilers}}
{{Grimdark}}
{{Sick|Among other things, the books can barely go ten pages without having another rape.}}
'''Warning: This article contains so many spoilers we're ruining books that haven't even been released yet.'''

{{Topquote|If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.|Ramsay Bolton, nailing the grimdark theme of this series}}

{{Topquote|It matters not from whence the blood flows. Only that it flows.|George RR Martin, Exalted Champion of Khorne when explaining why so many characters get offed}}

'''''A Song of Ice and Fire''''', better known as '''''Game of Thrones''''' (though only the first book has that title) is a [[Grimdark]] fantasy book series for people who hate fantasy, or at the very least, have gotten their fill of Tolkien pretenders and want something more "distinct". Its central themes include [[Tzeentch|political Machiavellian scheming]], [[Khorne|ultraviolence]], [[Slaanesh|incest/sex with exposition/tons of rape]], and [[Nurgle|everyone trying to survive in such a Crapsack World of perpetual suffering]]. There is also lots and lots of food. Thus it has become one of the most popular series of our generation and its author, [[George R. R. Martin]], has been praised for his highly realized world and gritty low fantasy style. He was even called "the American [[Tolkien]]" by <s>Time magazine</s> gormless idiots who lump diametrically different writers together for no other reason than that they're both fantasy authors. The two authors do both have a passion (and talent) for worldbuilding and writing doorstoppers, but that's also where the similarities generally end. Still, the comparisons to Tolkien would probably explain this series' sudden spike in popularity following the TV show (at least [[Skub|to a point, anyway.]]) The great joke of an actual World War veteran writing fantasy about heroic knights and elves being compared to and contrasted with a conscientious objector who writes edgy fantasy is not lost on most (though its worth mentioning that Martin is as much of a Tolkien buff as any of us, meaning that he didn't write the series as a "fuck you" to Tolkien's work as some might assume).

The series itself is set on the [[Original character, do not steal|totally not medieval European ripoff]] realm of Westeros as it is wracked by a massive succession war drawing its realms into conflict. Everyone's picking up the pieces from the previous war until one family's bid for power starts another war (book one), A bunch of dudes declare themselves kings (book two), they're burning the continent down in their scramble for power, and somehow all the fuck-ups managed to lose anyway (book three). Just when the guys who lost the least start thinking they get to rule over the remaining chaos, more fuck ups happen and more dudes show up (book four). Sadly, winter has finally come and, unbeknownst to most people, [[Thousand Sons|evil ice wizards leading soulless undead]] [[Alpha Legion|assumed to be only myths by most people]] are about to invade the continent from the north. By the fifth book, things are going and/or will go to shit even for the bad guys.

According to a leaked fan conversation, George R. R. Martin jokingly stated the series would end with an epic cock-slap fight between Samwell Tarly and Jaime Lannister.

TL;DR: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Roses War of Roses] with a helpin' of <s>cliched fantasy</s> George's old sci-fi writing plots given a fantasy overhaul and [[/d/]]-lite.

[[ASOIAF Miniature Game|Miniature game has their own page now]]

== Setting and History ==
Most of the series takes place on an America-sized continent named Westeros, which stretches from pretty much the North Pole to the deserts of Dorn. It is populated by three main nations: First Men (Northmen and wildlings aka not!Celts), Andals (pretty much everyone else aka not!Anglo-Saxons) and Rhoynar (Dornishmen). All of them came from Essos in waves: the First Men displacing the druids and giants, then came the Andals who pushed the First Men further north and assimilated the survivors, and finally by the Rhoynar, a matriarch-ish society that fled the destruction of their homeland and finally found a home in Dorne. Ironborn (not!Vikings from western islands) are also of note, since despite their First Men ancestry, they developed an entirely different religion and culture based off raiding due to the barren sea-rocks they inhabit ([[Deep Ones|and possibly also influenced by weird creepy things living in the water that lived on the islands before they did]])

For thousand years Westeros was an utter mess of seven-ish kingdoms vying for supremacy. But while they were busy banging rocks together, the Eastern continent, Essos, was united by the <s>elves</s> magical dragon-riders powered by incest. The Valyrians would expand all over Essos, but their only presence in Westeros was a small island outpost (later named Dragonstone). At one point, however, the daughter of a minor noble family, Daenys Targaryen, had prophetic dreams about the death of her country, which forced her father to flee alongside his family and most valuable possessions (five dragons and some magic shit). His rivals in power laughed at him, but he turned to be right as a gigantic volcanic eruption obliterated Valyria and started the age of anarchy in Essos

The Targaryens did fuck all for a little over a century, until the ambitious lord Aegon grew tired of sister-fucking and decided to forge his own kingdom in Westeros. Even though his army was tiny and he was facing off against the full might of an entire continent, he also had '''dragons''', which in ASOIAF can grow to comically large proportions, and allowed him to wipe the floor with anyone dumb enough to stand against him. Just to make a point, he burnt down *the* largest fortress in Westeros ''in a single night'', melting down stone walls with dragonfire and leaving it cursed for centuries. Though, because the Targs were so reliant on dragons, the only Kingdom they couldn't conquer was [[Dune|Dorne]], who [[Tallarn|mujahideen]]'d their way to a truce after killing one of the sister-wives' dragons with a Ballista and (probably) threatening Aegon with the knowledge that they were willing to spend their entire Kingdom's wealth to hire [[Callidus Assassin|magical assassins]] to end the Targaryen line.

The Targaryens ruled for 280 years, but their rule was also marked by lots of shitty kings (because of the rampant incest), but also by rebelling bastards (who were the result of non-incest). Somewhere along the way, magic began to leave the world. Spells were no longer as effective and the price for such magic became steeper and steeper (which is why most magic in the "present" requires blood or sacrifice of some sort). This was most evident in Westeros when the dynasty's dragons became successively smaller and smaller; it also probably didn't help that they raised them in a coliseum-style Vault and also only had 5 dragons to start with. The dynasty's fate was sealed in the "Dance of Dragons" which was an internal conflict between Targaryens and the last real war to include dragons and dragonriders.

Their ultimate downfall came just before the beginning of the series, when Prince Rhaegar (supposedly) kidnapped the bride of a powerful lord Robert Baratheon and the Mad King killed her father and brother, who just wanted her back, triggering a rebellion that they lost and once again setting the stage for a Seven Kingdom free-for-all.

==Characters==
{{cleanup}}
Since these books have some thousand named characters, you won't remember most of them without an obsessive disorder over details.
Here's a relatively shortlist (mostly based on the TV series rather than the books, but seems to randomly switch between the two) for the characters you'll care about. We'll also be making an effort to mostly focus on characters from the main series, rather than historical figures like Maegor Targaryen, the Dance of Dragons Blacks and Greens, and so on. Trust us, given the number of characters we already have to cover, it's for the best. The houses listed here doesn't even come close to covering them all, either.

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===House Stark===

''"Winter Is Coming"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Honourable, bro-tier northerners who always [[Space Wolves|compare themselves to direwolves and have a few as pets]]. They have a tendency towards being so resolutely honorable that proves to bite them in the ass due to naivete about how [[Tzeentch|Westerosi corrupt politics actually works]] (not that dishonorable characters often fare any better, but that's an "Anyone Can Die" setting for you). They're also arguably the protagonists of the setting. Basically Scotland and/or House Lancaster in the War of the Roses (but named after House York).
* Eddard Stark, ''The Quiet Wolf'': Patriarch, lord and POV death-puppet. Not nearly as stupid as everyone tries to pretend...but still kind of stupid, and very much a dead man walking. Honorable to a fault and deeply repulsed by the politicking that goes on around him, which eventually leads to a mild case of death by decapitation. Has somewhat of a mixed reputation among the big players of Westeros; Jamie Lannister despises Ned for judging him for breaking his oath and saving millions of people in King's Landing and never listening to his side of the story, Littlefinger hates him for much, much pettier reasons (as outlined further below). Varys and Tyrion both kind of admire him, but were in agreement over the fact that Ned did the worst possible thing at the most inconvenient time and ultimately got what was coming to him.
* Benjen Stark: Ned's ranger/Night's Watch brother (so the Faramir to his Boromir), who disappears later in the story and may or may not be the mysterious "Coldhands" (in the TV show he is).
* Robb Stark, ''The Young Wolf'': Shiny, King Arthur-like hero who veers between being [[Lawful Stupid]] and [[Lion El'Johnson|a brilliant military leader]]. After waging a successful war to avenge his murdered father, he was betrothed to a noblewoman but he ended having comfort sex with a virgin noblewoman which may have been arranged by her scheming bitch mother, while in softcore porno he got the hots for a commoner. Cacks it nastily: he got his head cut off and his pet's wolf's head stuck on his body, which was paraded around while his enemies chanted "HERE COMES THE KING IN THE NORTH!" In other words, he's a Scottish [[Roman Empire|Hannibal Barca]]. In the show his pregnant wife dies with him for added Grimdark, but in the books he (wisely) leaves her behind when he goes to the Red Wedding.
* Sansa Stark: Useless teenage girl extraordinaire at the start of the series with dreams of marrying a prince and "having lots of babies", but gets shat on hard by reality, being a case-study in what happens when you go into a Grimdark world thinking like a Fairy Tale Princess. Becomes Littlefinger's replacement goldfish when Catelyn's no longer around, her father got killed and her best friend was sold as a sex slave, and ended up in the worst relationship we can possibly imagine with King Joffrey. [[Grimdark|Even got deflowered via rape by Ramsey Bolton]] and married to him before managing to escape with the help of others. Currently acting as a co-ruler to her brother/cousin Jon Snow, and has learned much from her suffering, allowing her to kick Littlefinger out of the Great Game via throat slitting. While in the book Littlefinger is/was setting her up at House Arryn to claim the Vale and the North, the show version becomes QUEEN IN DA NORF in the final episode.
* Arya Stark: Little tomboy assassin. Has a kill list, but doesn't get to use it so long as she is an amnesiac apprentice of [[Officio Assassinorum|the Friendly Neighborhood Assassins Guild]]. In the books, she's still training with the Faceless Men, but in the show she's broken away from them and headed back to Westeros to get revenge on a LOT of people, giving her one of the highest kill counts in the series. She goes home to Winterfell when she hears that Jon and Sansa took it back and starts acting as a general "troubleshooter" for Sansa while scaring the hell out of everyone with all her new assassin skillz. Kills the Night King like a fucking champion in Season 8 (though in a way that doesn't actually make any sense), then rides south to add Cersei to her body count. Instead, the Hound talks her out of it and she [[The Lord of the Rings|decides to sail into the unknown west]]. Kind of the [[Mary Sue|writer's pet]] in the show, among other things getting to avenge the Red Wedding in a brutally cinematic manner even though Dumb and Dumber justified giving us a pregnant woman getting stabbed to death on-screen because Game of Thrones is above "cliches" like loved ones getting avenged in just such a way. And her aforementioned killing of the Night King that doesn't actually make any sense, since it required her getting the drop on him in a way that was ''physically impossible without out-of-universe special effects equipment''. Book version is still level-grinding to get to her TV version's skill level.
* Catelyn Stark (nee Tully): A woman who trusts the wrong people at the worst time, causing a lot of misery. Gets killed along with Robb, then comes back (books only) as Lady Stoneheart, an undead witch bent on killing all the Boltons, Freys, Greyjoys, Lannisters... pretty much everyone she thinks was tangentially involved in betraying her and her family, or somebody who just pissed her off (kind of hard to blame her though). The show writers left this part out completely, which caused much [[rage]] and [[skub]] in the fandom.
* Bran Stark: Intelligent little boy, named after the founder of House Stark, Brandon the Builder (basically Tony Stark combined with [[Leman Russ]]). He was crippled in the first sign of major [[GrimDark]]. Has prophetic dreams and becomes a [[druid]]. In the TV series, fucks things up by alerting the Others to where he's hiding, which gets all of the Children, his loyal wolf, the Three-Eyed Crow and Hodor killed. For good measure, turns out to have accidentally ''caused'' Hodor to become, well, Hodor, as he was using his druid powers to figure out why Hodor is only able to say Hodor, resulting in Hodor's gruesome death-by-zombies being beamed directly into young Hodor's brain. He's now the Three-Eyed Raven and likes going around being creepy as fuck and generally weirding people out. Becomes King of the <s>Seven</s> Six Kingdoms in a hilariously nonsensical plot twist in the finale.
* Rickon Stark: Four years old at the start, turning into a real little [[Barbarian]] from not being raised properly, because everyone who would have raised him was dead or missing. In the books, he and his wildling nanny Osha are on the cannibal-infested island of Skagos, and Davos Seaworth is on his way there to pick them up so that the northern lords who are still loyal to House Stark have a figurehead to rally behind. In the show, he ends up hanging out at the Umbers, then is handed over to Ramsay as a prisoner when Smalljon becomes afraid of the Wildlings living north of him (who were invited by Jon Snow to fight the Zombie Apocalypse), and finally dies via arrow in a sick game of "dodge the missiles" courtesy of Ramsey.
* Jon Snow, ''The White Wolf'': A bastard living in the Stark household before leaving for the Night's Watch (basically [[The Last Chancers|Colonel Schaeffer]] with more convicted rapists under his command) and excels there because nearly every one of his fellow recruits are peasants who have never had a formal days of training while Jon has had the serious training afforded to all lords. After he takes over by becoming the Watch Commander secures and alliance with the Wildlings, ancient barbarian enemies of the Night's Watch, because when the end of the world is coming you tend to think outside the box. Also gets a Wildling girlfriend, but she dies. He was taken under the wing by the Lord Commander Jora Mormont and given advice by Aemon (a Targaryen who is so '''old''' that everyone south has forgotten he existed, and unbeknownst to him, his great-great-granduncle), and managed to actually be a competent leader: after a disastrous loss of strength after the failure of the Great Ranging, and then the Wildling invasion, he unilaterally decides to let the Wildlings through in exchange for their aid in securing the Wall against the real enemy; he even impresses Stannis (The Mannis) with his honor and sense of justice. [[Grimdark|And then, all the corrupt exiles from the South (and the rejects who were left behind during the Ranging) banded together to kill him]].
**Though he's currently dead in the books as a result of mutiny, he was revived by R'hllor in the series after being stabbed to death by the senior members of the Watch. Isn't actually Eddard's bastard son, but rather the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, meaning that he is, in fact, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. The new KING IN DA NORF according to his supporters after he killed Ramsay Bolton and took back Winterfell, and is also currently hooking up with his own aunt.
**He turns on Daenerys once he realizes she's lost it and kills her in the throne room, but [[Plot Armor|for some reason her dragon doesn't kill him despite seeing him do the the deed]]. The Unsullied want his head, but instead, King Bran exiles him to the Night's Watch and he fucks off into the far north to live with the Free Folk.
* Hodor: Hodor. Hodor, Hodor, Hodor. <s>An enormous and possibly retarded stable boy, and Bran's faithful steed.</s> Hodor. Ok, in all actual seriousness, this guy is probably one of the most tragic figures in this series (and that's saying something). [[Grimdark|The guy basically received horrible visions of his own death fighting a horde of zombies, buying time for his friends to escape by literally holding the door shut as he was hacked apart]]. This causes him to suffer a mental break, leading him to develop Immature Personality Disorder and making it so the only thing he can say is a garbled version of his friend's last request "hold the door" for all of his adult life; the logic here is that "hold the door" devolves into "hol' th' door" and eventually "Hodor". You now feel bad for at laughing at the guy.
* Osha: A Wildling woman who surrendered to the Starks and becomes their servant in exchange for not getting killed. Now dead in the show thanks to Ramsay's dickery, costing the cast another valued waifu.</div></div>

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===House Targaryen===

''"Fire and Blood"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The former Dragon kings and rulers of Westeros, [[Eldar|fair-haired purple-eyed beautiful people]] who have descended from the [[Dark Age of Technology|ancient technologically-advanced superpower]] of [[Roman Empire|Valyria]], which collapsed because of [[Fall of the Eldar|their colossal hubris]]. After the anarchic [[Age of Strife|Century of Blood]], the Targaryen patriarch Aegon I, instead of reconquering the lost cause of Essos and of Valyria's former empire, looked towards the rather primitive continent of Westeros, and its squabbling Seven Kingdoms, [[Great Crusade|to establish his own Imperial dynasty and unify the Realm]]. Aegon I is essentially the Low Fantasy version of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror William the Conqueror] and/or the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], with a little dash of [[/d/|incest]].

[[Rules Lawyer|Thanks to a loophole]], the Targaryens were immune to the moral objections relating to incest. Common sense (and common decency) took back seat to a time-honoured policy of [[/d/|catastrophic inbreeding]], which made a number of problems, the most obvious of which was that a whole bunch of them were fucking crazy. Aegon I married his older and younger sisters and had several kids with each, which would be the start of another Targaryen tradition: the occasional succession crisis. Because GRRM can't write a book without going off on a tangent (and because the Targaryens were running things for a good chunk of the setting's history), the Targaryens and their 300ish long legacy is full of rebellions and wars ripped from English History and in turn mined by HBO. Fun interregnums include the Dance of Dragons, where the Targaryens used the last of their dragons in a brutal civil-war against each other (and now a TV show), and the Blackfyre Rebellions, where the fat-fuck Aegon IV (who had Henry VII's opposite problems: he fucked everyone and had many heirs) legitimized all his bastards and even gifted one of them the dynasty's greatest treasure: the Blackfyre sword. Actually, considering how ''much'' of these rebellions were caused by half-Targaryen bastards, [[/d/|maybe they had a point?]]

Eventually, the lineage was banished to Essos after a brutal civil war: Aerys II, a crazy paranoid king that savagely executed many different people, made the wrong move of executing the Lord and Heir of the North; the two men were in King's Landing because Aery's son, Rhaegar, the '''non''-crazy one, eloped/abducted Robert Baratheon's fiance and their sister. Since he was already married and she was engaged, they left together in secret, which caused Robert the Cuck to go wild. Joining with Eddard, the new Lord of the North, and their teacher/foster-dad Jon Arryn, the three Kingdoms rebelled and Robert warhammered Rhaegar because STR > DEX.

The survivors were smuggled out/hidden from Robert, with Viserys and his then-pregnant mother hiding on their ancestral home of Dragonstone first, before fucking off to Essos when the war was truly lost; Rhaegar's ''first'' son and daughter were killed and his wife raped by the Lannister's bannermen, though Rhaegar's best friend [[Gay|who loved him very, very, very much]] claims to have helped sneak him out of Westeros and hides with him in Essos; finally, Rhaegar and Lyanna's son, Jon/Aegon, was adopted by Ned, who was made to realize that the entire civil war was a misunderstanding and that his whoremongering drunk of a foster brother would've probably been a terrible brother-in-law anyway. [[Grimdark]]. Basically, the entire British royal family, but with more incest, and a lot of dragons. Still, they occasionally did have genuinely good people like Aegon V (aka Egg), Jaeherys I the Conciliator, his wife Good Queen Alysanne and complete badasses like Brynden Bloodraven and Baelor Breakspear (too bad Bloodraven is hooked up to Old God wi-fi permanently and Breakspear died before he could become king).
Pseudo-Romans and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Normandy House of Normandy].

* Aerys II, ''The Mad King'': [[Kharn|A pretty fun guy to be around]]. Had a psychotic fascination for fire, which extended to being a psychotic fascination for burning traitors, a category of people that eventually grew to include anybody he disliked for any reason, anyone who disagreed with him, and a few people who were unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire. [[Goge Vandire|Teamkilled by his bodyguard Jaime for planning to burn the city down with everyone inside it, and even refused to accept his death until he actually died]].
* Daenerys Targaryen, ''Stormborn'': She was sold by her brother to a barbarian leader [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|Khal (warlord) Drogo]] in exchange for the promise that he'd use his Khalassar (Warband/tribe) to conquer Westeros. She found her self esteem as his wife, then her husband killed her idiot brother Viserys and promised to conquer the world for Daenerys, making her a full-fledged badass barbarian war queen. Unfortunately, her husband died when [[Derp|Daenerys trusted one of the slaves whose town Drogo had pillaged and burnt to heal an infected wound of his]] and his horde fell apart (though the book is somewhat ambiguous as to whether the slave did kill Drogo). Then she hatched three dragons (completely by accident when she tried to commit suicide) bringing them back from extinction, and now everyone wants to marry her because she is now one of the most powerful people around due to said dragons and being good-looking (in the books this is by the age-of-consent in Westeros standards, where girls are women when they start getting their periods and boys are men at age 13). [[Gets shit done]] except the entire fifth book, in which she mopes around about wanting to marry an annoying, flamboyant mercenary instead of saving herself for political marriage. After banging the flamboyant mercenary, she later marries a Meereenese noble who guarantees he can get her some peace (more likely [[Just As Planned|just as he planned]]).
**She also does nothing while insurgents kill her men, a horde of plagued refugees spread disease to her city and standing idly by while an enemy army besieges her walls, all for realistically political reasons because the world is a horrible place. Learns how to train her dragon. In the books she's just encountered another Khalassar after being hauled away from Meereen by Drogo. In the TV series, she takes over all the Dothraki and adds them to her army, then heads for Westeros to invade the place with her army of elite hoplites, massive horde of Dothraki and her dragons. By the time she gets to King's Landing she's taken significant losses, including two of her dragons, and is fucking her nephew (Jon Snow). Officially went Mad Queen as of S8E5, wherein she burned most of King's Landing after the city attempted to surrender and has decided to "liberate" everyone on the planet, whether they want it or not. Jon kills her in the series finale so that she won't go around burninating the rest of the world.
* The dragons: The three dragons that Daenerys hatched. They're wyverns that breathe fire, [[Awesome|have blood hot enough to melt steel]], and [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|cook their meat before eating it]]. Naturally, some of the coolest things in the story.
** Drogon; named for her late husband, Khal Drogo. Black and red, the biggest and [[Gork|most aggressive dragon]]. Starts eating people and then escapes, leading to the other two getting imprisoned. Interrupts a gladiator tournament, killing a lot of people before being whipped by Daenerys into flying her to a Khalassar that broke off from her husband's after his death. In the show, he's the last dragon standing after Viserion bites it north of the Wall and his undead body is put down at Winterfell and Rhaegal gets shot down over Dragonstone. Takes Dany's body, destroys the Iron Throne and fucks off to who knows where after Dany is killed.
** Rhaegal; named for the first of her dead brothers, Rhaegar. Green and gold, the [[Mork|cunning one]] and the loudest (with a roar "...that would have sent a hundred lions fleeing,"). Kills Quentyn Martell when the latter is trying to goad Viserion (see below). After breaking out of jail with Viserion they go "all your base are belong to us" on Meereen, killing people and taking over the pyramid of a loyal family as his lair. Last seen playing "sack the town" with Viserion in the books. Dead in the show thanks to Euron Greyjoy and some Diabolus ex Machina bullshit.
** Viserion; named for her other brother Viserys. White and gold and the [[Vulkan|friendliest]] (as dragons go, he still eats people). Dug cave for himself in his jail then moved into another pyramid after his and his brother's great escape. Gets killed by the [[Vampire Counts|Night's King in the show via a magic spear, then his corpse is reanimated to be the Night King's zombie dragon steed]] and blasts a hole in the famous Wall, allowing the armies of snow elves and zombies to start flooding Westeros. Now perma-dead thanks to the Night King biting it.
* Viserys Targaryen, ''The Beggar King'': Daenerys' physically abusive older brother. Best known for being a bully with incestuous lust for her, and an arrogant and incompetent fuck with a massive sense of entitlement. He eventually got himself killed for being an all-around jerk and whiny idiot, which culminated in him threatening his sister and unborn nephew with a sword while drunk in a sacred Dothraki place where weapons and bloodshed are forbidden on pain of death (execution is done by bloodless death - having a scarf wrapped tight around the neck and being drowned in a barrel). Daenerys' husband [[awesome|poured molten gold over his head and called it his promised crown, also ensuring his death didn't technically shed any blood in their sacred place]].
* Aegon Targaryen, ''Aegon VI'': Daenerys' nephew, the son of her brother Rhaegar. Been hiding in Essos for the entire length of the series, but recently raised an army of Westerosi exiles and threw them all a massive Welcome Home party with rape and pillage. Wants to marry his aunt because she has dragons, ''and might not actually be a member of House Targaryen'' if you believe some fans. He can actually count past 6, can multiply numbers, can read different language and has a minor understanding of geometry thus cementing him as one of the most educated people in this overwrought series. Can also do his own laundry.
**Like Dany, he has his own band of misfits following him around. While Dany has Dothraki and Unsullied, Aegon has '''The Golden Company''', a mercenary company of ten thousand, descended from the forces loyal to the Blackfyre bastards. The Golden Company has a long and storied history of invading Westeros and failing, which has led to the theories that Aegon is really a Blackfyre. Because of their long history and descent from actual nobles, the Golden Company is nothing like the mercenary rabble common in the rest of the series, even having dedicated knight, archer, and War Elephant divisions.
* Brynden Rivers ''Bloodraven'': A Targaryen bastard who came to prominence about a hundred years before the series as a sort of sorcerer, he later became known as the "Three-Eyed Raven/Crow" after encountering the Children of the Forest, and uses his powers to help advert the Long Night and train Bran. He's described as having long, white hair, missing an eye, bound to a tree, knows all and sees all, associated heavily with ravens and omens... [[Vikings|yeah, he's very much Odin, come to think of it. Just a lot more of an asshole than the Warrior King of legend.]]
**In his prime, he was pretty much just Loki. The Spymaster ''and'' Hand of the King during the Blackfyre Rebellions (a rebellion of all Aegon IV's many bastards, [[Troll|who he legitimized on his deathbed because that's how he rolled]]), he was one of the few to remain loyal. He was a sorceror and had a spy network so thorough, it was a commmon-joke that the [[Magnus the Red|one-eyed]] sorcerer had "[[Thousand Sons|a thousand eyes]], and [[Tzeentch|one]]" He had his own elite unit of archers that solved the first rebellion by sticking the claimant, his heir, and finally his twin, full of arrows.
**Exiled to the Night's Watch after assassinating after assassinating a Blackfyre after promising him safe passage, a running theme in ASOIAF.
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===House Lannister===

''"Hear Me Roar"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Monopoly|Westeros' richest family]], proud, pompous, selfish and fabulous assholes. Not much of a martial tradition but if you cross them [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7t7cnwlOgY they will fucking cut you]. You can tell they are the bad guys because they have an army of sick fucks, including a zebra-riding mercenary band and 7' 8" Khornate Champion <s>not-Goliath</s> Gregor Clegane. House York (though named after House Lancaster) combined with the House of Rothschild and the Mafia. Their unofficial motto is "A Lannister Always Pays His Debts"
* Tywin Lannister, ''The Lion of Lannister'': The Godfather, head of the house, and obsessed with his reputation as a Magnificent Bastard extraordinaire. Lawful Evil Personified. He was a most feared general whose greatest achievement was [[Exterminatus|erasing House Reyne from existence]], which was immortalised in his own sweet-yet-creepy-as-fuck theme song (The Rains of Castamere) that became used as a warning against anyone standing against him. During his tenure as Hand of the King (i.e. Prime Minister), he was a political genius who operated as the true power behind the Iron Throne, keeping the realm stable and prosperous despite the stupidity of Aerys II and Joffrey. However, despite all of his achievements, he's an [[Emperor|absolutely terrible father]], who treats his children as nothing more than tools to further his political agenda. He completely overlooks the incestuous relationship his two oldest children had, and hated Tyrion and made his life a living hell for very poor reasons. He humiliated Tyrion whenever it wouldn't threaten the family's reputation, berated Tyrion for being a whore-monger despite secretly being one himself (this is ''only'' in the show), [[Grimdark|tried to get him killed multiple times]], and as the capstone of awful parenting, he taught Tyrion not to marry commoners after he married one called Tysha - by forcing Tyrion to watch Tysha get gang-raped, forcing him to rape her too and then annulling their marriage. The only person Tywin truly loved was his wife. He eventually gets his comeuppance when Tyrion finds out the truth about the Tysha incident and kills him with a crossbow, all while mentioning that out of all his children, Tyrion was the most alike to Tywin himself. He's based on [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Neville,_16th_Earl_of_Warwick Warwick the Kingmaker].
* Joanna Lannister: Tywin's late wife and first cousin, meaning the next three characters are inbred as well, ironically. Dies giving birth to Tyrion, which is part of why Tywin hates him, though Cersei hates him for other reasons. Caught wind of Cersei and Jaime's incestuous tendencies, but she died before she could tell Tywin. It is implied that her ghost visits Jaime in a dream and mourns the current state of her family.
* Cersei Lannister, ''Bitch Queen'': Tywin and Joanna's first child. Twin sister to Jaime Lannister and wife to King Robert Baratheon. She fucks her brother Jaime all the time and had three of his children, whom she passed off as Robert's to grab power. She is a massive narcissist who thinks of herself as "female Tywin" and hence seeks to rule Westeros as the Queen, and will do anything to keep her power... even when [[Abbadon the Despoiler|most of her plans end up becoming utter failures]]. Crazy as all fuck and prophesied to be killed by the "little brother." This is because of a prophecy made by a witch, Cersei was a child that she'd be a beautiful queen, lose everything, her children would die before her, and the "Valonqar" would kill her. Though that does explain why she hates Tyrion as hard as all fuck, [[Just As Planned|the exact translation of the term]] that was used is "younger sibling", and not necessarily her sibling, which opens the door to all sorts of characters who hate the fuck out of her. Since Jaime is technically younger by a few seconds, him killing Cersei would be an interesting twist not without buildup. Possibly the Witch was messing with her head because of what a bitch Cersei was being to her, something Cersei never grew out of. Cersei is currently alive only because Varys wants her to be, [[Just As Planned|as she's a terrible queen who'll destabilize the realm enough for him to bring back the Targaryens]]. She was completely shaved, stripped of power in all but her royal heritage and forced to do a nude walk of penance throughout the city by the High Sparrow (ASOIAF Pope- equivalent/[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther Martin Luther] except he won the Reformation) after he uncovered her crimes. Now she's waiting for her hair to grow back and maybe thinking of revenge.
**She gets it in the show by blowing up the Great Sept of Baelor (ASOIAF [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canterbury_Cathedral Canterbury Cathedral]) with everyone she doesn't like inside it, having her cousin killed near the Wildfire, killing Tyene Sand with the same poison that Tyene used on Myrcella and forcing Ellaria to watch, then capturing the nun who was her jailer and [[Grimdark|leaving her to be tortured to death by zombie Gregor Clegane]]. She is in short [[Thanquol]] disguised as a beautiful blonde woman. Gets anticlimactically squashed by a collapsing ceiling along with Jaime during Daenerys's assault on King's Landing. (her biggest issue? Not dying sooner, for the Seven's sake!)
* Jaime Lannister, ''The Kingslayer'': Younger twin brother (by about three seconds) to Cersei Lannister and commander of the Kingsguard. He loves his sister in every sense of the word and had three children with her. Killed the last king despite his oath, and is widely hated for it, even though everyone agrees that dying was a massive improvement for Aerys. The reason for this betrayal was that Aerys had a huge stockpile of Acme Brand Magic Napalm stockpiled under the city, ready to be set off the moment a siege broke through the town walls, and Jaime's options were to let it happen or kill Aerys before the crazy fuck got ''everybody'' killed. His desire to openly love his sister and win the respect he feels he deserves eventually causes Cersei to reject him. Starts off as an arrogant douche who [[Grimdark|tried to murder Bran Stark, but accidentally crippled him instead]]; as the series progressed he became progressively more bro-tier besides the whole wants-to-fuck-his-sister thing, though he eventually begins to question even this devotion after seeing what a bitch she is when she comes to power. He genuinely loves Tyrion, so much so that he actually went off on his own to get him back after he heard Catelyn had him imprisoned in the Vale. He gets freed by Robb and goes on a journey through Westeros, loses his arm, and gets a lesson in valour and knighthood from Brienne of Tarth. He starts to question his legacy after his son Joffrey makes him Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, a position that was only made available because Joff expelled the Knight who had actually earned it. Since Joff and Cersei had filled the Kingsguard with sycophants and their own thugs, Jaime's role as the Lord Commander has left a bad taste in his mouth because he is now the leader of probably the least prestigious iteration of the Kingsguard ever. Basically, [[Sigvald|Sigvald the Magnificent]] currently in the midst of a redemption arc. In the books, he is currently being lured into a trap by Lady Stoneheart.
**In the show, he has finally told Cersei to get fucked after realizing that she has well and truly lost it, and rode north to help fight the White Walkers. He survived the Battle of Winterfell, hooked up with Brienne, and then rides south [[Derp|because he just can't let Cersei go.]] Winds up getting shanked by Euron Greyjoy and dies [[Fail|via collapsing ceiling]].
* Tyrion Lannister, ''Halfman'': a very intelligent dwarf who is awesome, but hated by everyone, either because of his deformity, or because he's a Lannister. The few people who treat him well is an uncle that went missing, his brother Jaime, Jon Snow who learned a lot from him, and Varys, who at first saw him as an asset, but grew to admire his political abilities and intellect, even declaring him a friend. He seems to do much better when getting drunk with whores, rogues, bastards and barbarians. His silver tongue is one of his greatest strengths (he's witty and good at persuading people) and weaknesses (he tends to think himself to be way more clever than he actually is, which mainifests in him being quick with insults and the truth in a city ruled by sociopaths and liars). Tyrion is also one of the only characters with an actual sense of the bigger picture, and an interest toward steering the world toward an outcome that ''doesn't'' involve a [[The End Times|Warhammer End Times]] scenario. **Unfortunately, the world's movers, shakers, and those who generally have the power to make a difference are increasingly either a) dead, b) scattered to the winds or c) hate his dwarf guts. Despite the increasing difficulty and fruitlessness of his task, however, [[Awesome|Tyrion still fights]]. After being framed for killing Joffrey, he killed his own father and fled Westeros. In the books, he is currently in exile in the Free Cities, weaselling his way into leading a merc band and trying to sign them up with Daenerys' forces, recognizing her as one of the few chances Westeros has got of fixing its shit (provided she can get her own shit together, which she's having a bit of trouble with).
**Since characters in this series tend to either be walking tropes, rip-offs of other fantasy characters, or historical people with different names, Tyrion is probably based on the great [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miles_Vorkosigan Miles Vorkosigan] (who was himself based on a few people including Sir Winston Churchill) and is a nod to King Richard III (a deformed but competent king later demonized by historiographers of his era). Even if he is usually the smartest one in the room at any given time, though, Tyrion is still not above having some derp moments. Exhibit A, when Tyrion asked his father what happened to his first wife (right before killing him), he took an ''obvious'' "I don't know and I don't care" response ("Wherever whores go") as if it was literal directions, and afterward keeps asking random people if they know where whores go, with predictable reactions. (Admittedly he'd just killed his ex and was probably in the middle of some serious PTSD at the time, which is not great for your brain.) The show version eventually meets Daenerys and becomes her Hand only to [[Fail|fuck up a bunch of stuff]] and lose her trust. He sells her out when he realizes that she's gone round the bend and winds up becoming Hand to King Bran.
**Don't confuse TV Tyrion with book Tyrion. Book Tyrion is every bit as amoral and vindictive as many view him as and waaaaay more of a grey character, especially after his exile from Westeros, where he pulls off some truly despicable shit out of spite and his own self-loathing (for example, forming a genuine romantic connection with a fellow dwarf woman, then abuse the shit out of her). TV Tyrion pretty much becomes the audiences avatar from season 6 onwards. His entire character is robbed of any agency in order to make D&D look smart and give big moral lessons to Daenerys (which make no sense within the context of the show).
* Kevan Lannister: Tywin's younger brother, considered "the reliable one". One of the few decent Lannisters, though saying that he is perfectly happy carrying out Tywin's bidding. Tried to talk sense into Cersei and was later called in to try and fix her mess. He did such a good job of it that Varys decided to personally thank him. With a crossbow. And a group of knife-wielding children. In the show he dies with the rest of the crowd when the Great Sept got nuked by Cersei - the manner of his book death was given over to Grand Maester Pycelle at the exact same time.
* Lancel Lannister: Kevan's son, Tywin's nephew and Tyrion, Jamie and Cersei's cousin. A callow, spoilt but well-meaning nobleman. Pretty much Joffery but mentally stable, not sadistic and capable of compassion and honor. Enters a sexual relationship with his cousin Cersei when Jamie is captured, which Tyrion uncovers and uses to blackmail Lancel into spying for him. He later has a religious experience after nearly dying and joins the Poor Fellows of the Faith of the Seven, gives up his incestuous relationship and tries to convert several of his family members (somewhat successfully with Kevan, unsuccessfully with Cersei). Still alive in the books.
**In the show, he reports Cersei to the High Sparrow (rather than the High Sparrow cleverly uncovering Cersei's plan and trapping her) and dies horribly. Cersei deliberately set him up for a particularly agonizing and drawn-out end; he's lured into a catacomb under the sept that contains a massive cache of wildfire, gets his spinal cord severed so he can't walk, and is left where he can see candles sitting in a pool of wildfire just a little too far away for him to reach it in time, so that he [[Grimdark|spends his last moments vainly trying to avert a horrible catastrophe before being incinerated]].
* Cersei and Robert's (actually Jaime's) children:
** Joffrey Baratheon: Spoiled brat and sociopath to the extreme. He's basically [[Sigvald]] during his teenage years (and likely inspired [[Phil Kelly|Kelly]] to make the character Sigvald). "Heir" of the throne, and the technical king of Westeros during the War of the Five Kings since he lives in King's Landing and sits on the throne. Turned out to be worse than Aerys. He died and there was much rejoicing. [[Fail|Except by his mother, who instead had sex on his corpse]]. Fourteen years old at the time of his death.
** Tommen Baratheon: The new king on the Iron Throne. Nine years old. Married to a teenaged shotacon wife who's (unknown to him) the granddaughter of his brother's true killer. Trying to litigate the criminalization of beets. Loves [[Cats|kittens]]. He's pretty well-rounded and non-fucked up, which is a miracle considering his parents, both putative and biological. Also seems to be trying to take kinging seriously, but his mom is trying to quash that in her subliminal attempt to hold power indefinitely, so whether it holds is another matter entirely. Prophesied to die before Cersei, which is doubly tragic due to his age and being a much better person than her.
**In the show, he commits suicide after Cersei blows up the Great Sept (head office of the fantasy knockoff Church of England), killing his godfather, great-uncle, wife, and all his religious friends, because of course her power hunger was more important than his happiness and well being.
** Myrcella Baratheon: Princess, and Cersei and "Robert's" second oldest child. Ten years old. In order to appease the Martells, Tyrion arranges a marriage with her and the youngest Martell, which pissed off everyone. In the books, she had her face fucked up because of Arianne Martell's amateur intrigues, which overlapped with poor planning, general stupidity, and another guy's backstabbing. Before the maiming, she was quite decent and non-evil. Who knows how she'll turn out now with half of her face cut off. Also prophesied to die before Cersei.
**In the show, she had a crush on Oberyn's surviving nephew but was killed by Elia in revenge for Oberyn's death, but alive in the books though missing an ear. Also, the readership all got on George's balls for maiming this girl, mostly because it was a sign that he had run out of ideas and was basically just milking Diabolus ex Machina ([[Just As Planned|or that's what he wants us to think]]).
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===House Baratheon===

''"Ours is the Fury"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Ascended to the Iron Throne after a successful rebellion against the Mad King Aerys II Targaryen. Produces no less than three claimants to the succession, each one very different from the other. Technically a cadet branch of House Targaryen as their founder Orys was allegedly a Targaryen bastard, who took the original Storm Kings (House Durrandon) deer sigil after killing the last one and fucking his only child Argella and then 200 odd years later, King Egg's daughter married their grandfather. They're pretty much the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Plantagenet House of Plantagenet].
* Robert Baratheon, ''The Usurper'': Fat, old, former badass who led the rebellion, and now the king who married Cersei Lannister. Then he fucked a bunch of other women and had lots of illegitimate kids. He was killed while mixing boar hunting and drinking, but whether this death was planned or not is uncertain. On the surface, a king with a thing for easy laughs and partying; right underneath the surface, he's irresponsible and leaves the actual ruling of a nation to his staff, deeper under the surface he's pretty much a sad, lonely old bro who would rather not have been king. Comparable to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_IV_of_England Henry IV], in that both were powerfully built military geniuses who overthrew the existing monarchy and later succumbed to an unhealthy lifestyle.
* Stannis '''The Mannis''' Baratheon: Robert's younger brother, an all-around badass who swings between [[Lawful Stupid]] (more so in the show than the books) and [[gets shit done|getting shit done]]. [[Judge Dredd|believes so strongly in the rule of law]] that he feels compelled to take the Iron Throne for himself despite wanting nothing to do with it. Is advised by a priestess of the God of light, Melisandre, and a lowborn smuggler named Davos Seaworth raised to knighthood and nobility. [[C.S Goto|His character is ruined in the show into an incompetent pawn of Melisandre and gets killed off just because one of the showrunners didn't like him]].
** Shireen Baratheon: Stannis's kid daughter. The sweet, charming, and intelligent little lady who was left with a deformity on her face from a disease called greyscale. Teaches Davos how to read, and is probably the most innocent person in the series alongside Tommen, Myrcella and a few others. Being the grim and dark universe A Song of Ice and Fire is, however, this means that she's likely going to end up becoming fuel for a vicious fire god. In the show she does, but in the books, she is safe and sound since Stannis isn't stupid enough to bring him with her while campaigning. His wife, on the other hand, being such an idiotic fanatical pyromaniac... well, her odds aren't exactly looking that great.
* Renly Baratheon, ''That Gay Guy'': Robert and Stannis's youngest brother. Took Loras Tyrell (a.k.a. Knight of Flowers, Pretty Boy, etc.) as his lover. Decided he was better suited to be king, though the bizarre and outdated laws of the land stated Stannis was next in line (though Joffrey and then Tommen were first since they were [[Pretend|officially]] Bobby B's legitimate kids). Was hugely popular since he had Robert's charisma, which led to him getting the most support, but he lacked Stannis's conviction and devotion to the duty of actually doing the work of a king, or even Robert's ability to wage war. Killed by Melisandre with some "help" by Stannis ''The Mannis'' for trying to steal his crown, though in the books Stannis may not have been completely aware of the role he played in Renly's death. He's basically [[That Guy]] of ASOIAF, since quite a lot of shit is his fault, indirectly or otherwise.
*Gendry Baratheon, the Bastard Son. One of Robert's many, many bastard children, and the one who gets the most page and screen time. He starts out as a humble blacksmith in King's Landing, who first comes to Ned's attention when Lord Stark is investigating the death of Jon Arryn. From there, he gets shipped off to the Night's Watch to avoid the imminent purge of Robert's bastards and winds up becoming friends with Arya and Hot Pie. After some adventuring and sexual tension with Arya (at least in the show), he joins the Brotherhood Without Banners. In the show, they sell him to Melisandre so she can use him for a blood magic ritual, while in the books he just goes on being a smith and doesn't get involved in anything particularly weird or shady. He's helping run an inn as a Brotherhood front/orphanage when he reappears in the books, but in the show, Ser Davos sets him free and tells him to fuck off, which he does for a few seasons. He eventually turns up back in King's Landing, where Davos finds him and recruits him (and his comically oversized LARPing hammer) for Team Snow. He helps Jon capture a wight to show Cersei, makes dragonglass weapons for the Army of the Living, hooks up with Arya, and fights in the Battle of Winterfell, after which Daenerys legitimizes him as the new lord of House Baratheon.</div></div>

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===House Tully===

''"Family, Duty, Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Lords of the central riverlands. Being the obligatory central nation they spend a lot of the series being fought over like a cake in between fat kids. Basically Poland/the Netherlands, given they have so many rivers and how hard they've been fucked over.
*Edmure Tully: Basically the SoIaF universe's eternal butt monkey (because he happens to be a decent fucking person). Despite being an okay guy, he's also a useless ponce with a dense streak a mile wide and a bad habit of bragging about things he shouldn't be proud of. It took hanging in a stockade for a few months to make him experience some growth. When Jaime was brought in to unfuck the situation and end the siege at Riverrun, Jaime's "negotiation" pressured him into convincing his house to surrender, but he made sure [[Troll|that Brynden got out first]]. In the books, he's currently spending his days at the Lannister house as a hostage to make sure that the Tullys don't try to ruin the situation again.
**In the show, he disappears until the final episode, [[Fail|where he tries to make a case for himself as king]] only to get shut down by Sansa.
*Lord Hoster Tully: In GoT the only act he committed of any note was to die. In the books however he is arguably, though inadvertently, the most destructive character once you've delved into his history. The man looked down upon peasants, cripples, bastards, and broken things, which influenced his daughters and primed them for their mistreatment of such through their travels (especially Catelyn's immediate suspicion of Tyrion, [[What|despite the charge and evidence making little sense, but because he's a "Monster" of course he must have done it]]). He denied Tywin's offer to marry Tyrion to Lysa for said reasons, but he also denied Lysa to marry Petyr because of his low birth and her value of being married off to a higher bidder, even if their age differed by at least 50 years and she was pregnant with Petyr's child. He responded to this pregnancy by forcefully aborting the child via drinking Moon Tea, without her knowledge (something he would have nightmares about approaching his death). Not only did this nearly cause her death, but it destroyed her reproductive system resulting in 5 miscarriages and 2 stillbirths (an event that would lead her to aggressive paranoia so fervent that she killed her husband to prevent being separated from her only living child). All of these actions unfortunately spiraled into helping cause The War of the Five Kings.
*Brynden Tully ''the Blackfish'': He didn't catch the memo that he was part of the joke faction, and proceeds to spend the entire series fucking Lannister shit up and generally being a boss. Thought to be the black sheep in a family of fish (Thus "Blackfish", geddit?), but in spite of that status held true to the family, continuing to hold Riverrun for Robb in spite of the war pretty much being lost. When Edmure surrendered Riverrun, he escaped by swimming under the portcullis and escaping into the river, causing everyone to shit themselves because he's totally coming for revenge. Also widely accepted by the fans to be a closeted homosexual.
**In the HBO show, he gets killed when resisting arrest from Tully forces by order of Edmure. [[Rage|And it happens offscreen.]]</div></div>

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===House Arryn===

''"As High as Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Mountain lords turned [[NEET|neurotic shut ins]]. Goes through lords about as quickly as you would expect a castle equipped with a door that opens into empty air. Basically Switzerland/Afghanistan, seeing as how they stayed neutral in the War of Five Kings, their land is covered by nothing but mountains, and they're constantly fighting with the local tribes. They were being entertainingly screwed over by Littlefinger until his death.
*Jon Arryn: Only appears posthumously and is the catalyst for the whole plot. Used to be a foster father of sorts to Robert Baratheon and Eddard Stark. Was the Robert's Malcador the Sigilite during Robert's Rebellion. He was killed by Littlefinger via Lysa when he figured out that Robert's kids are bastards of Cersei and Jaime. His death was blamed on the Lannisters to destabilize Westeros.
*Lysa Arryn: Loli bride turned Lady of the Vale after the Lannisters forcibly retired her husband from life, at least officially. In reality, Littlefinger convinced her to poison her husband and blame the Lannisters [[Just As Planned|which pretty much started this whole clusterfuck to begin with]]. A closeted, crazy woman who spends the entire series in her castle "the Eyrie" being useless, breastfeeding her own son at age 10, obsessing over Littlefinger's cock, and [[Derp|refusing to help her sister and nephew in the war she and Littlefinger pretty much started]], which may have guaranteed their eventual horrific murders by their enemies. Finally gets her comeuppance when Littlefinger kicks her out the moon door (post-taunting, of course), putting her out of our collective misery. Long live the Lord Protector.
* Robert Arryn: ''Littlefuck'', Lysa's equally mentally unstable autistic son, who still sucks on his mom's tit and enjoys seeing people "fly" out the moon door to their deaths. He actually seems to be a bit smarter than you would first think and is a really, really good judge of character, except with Sansa. Secretly being poisoned by Littlefinger and Sansa so she can take over the Vale and North. Named Robin in the show because the showrunners were afraid that having two characters with the same name would be too confusing. The show version doesn't get poisoned but turns up in the series finale as the Lord of the Vale.</div></div>

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===House Greyjoy===

''"We Do Not Sow"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Awesome|A house founded by Cthulhu-worshipping Norscans]]. While not actual Vikings in any sense of the word, there is little other way to describe them. They live on some islands off the coast of Westeros and almost their entire culture is based around raiding and the ocean. Their religion holds it shameful for a man to pay for personal possessions, and states they have to get things either by trade, washing up from the ocean or the "Iron Price": seizing something from the body or belongings of someone he defeated in battle rather than paying or trading for it. Also, only possessions acquired via the Iron Price command respect among the Ironborn. The nastiest form this takes is stealing women as "Salt Wives", [[Emperor's Children|effectively making them a society of rapists]]. As an interesting bit of trivia, their local variety of baptism is to be ritually drowned in seawater and resuscitated by their priests, and they don't see drowning as a bad way to go on the grounds that it means their god/gods have accepted them and they'll go to an underwater Heaven that's basically a more X-rated version of The Little Mermaid.
*Balon Greyjoy: Asshole dad, crappy ruler, and general shithead (all very common things in this world, but still) who rebelled against Robert Baratheon and failed miserably. All of his sons were killed, except for Theon, who was taken as a hostage to ensure his good behaviour. Despite being in a position to join either the Lannisters or the Starks during the War of Five Kings and thereby get whatever he wanted from either (independence and the North, or independence and Casterly Rock, respectively), he does the absolute stupidest thing possible and declares himself independent without support from anyone, attacking the North and the rest of Westeros, thereby virtually guaranteeing that he'll be on the receiving end of another one-sided battle once everyone else has sorted their shit out. In the book he at least tried to make one alliance but it was with the freaking Lannisters and not the other Kingdom seeking independence. Never got that far, though, since he was pushed off a bridge during a storm by an assassin his brother Euron sent.
*Victarion Greyjoy: Admiral of the Iron Fleet. [[Gets shit done]] while wearing [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Lokhir Fellheart's]] armour during boarding actions. Does it for vengeance, the lulz and as a ticket to Ironborn heaven (which they believe men can reach if they die in battle or by drowning). Worships both R'hllor and the Drowned God. For all his badassery, is far too stupid to realize that his black Red Priest sidekick's constant rambling about his "great destiny" is inevitably going to end in his burning to death on a sacrificial pyre. Said Red Priest impressed Victarion by surviving being marooned at sea for 3 weeks and turning Victarion's infected arm into a super-strong volcano arm. Seriously. Isn't in the show, which is lame.
*Aeron Greyjoy ''Damphair'': [[Kostaltyn|A priestly Alan Moore who drank seawater]]. Once a fun-loving party animal, he nearly drowned during the Greyjoy Rebellion and became a dour and devout priest of the Ironborn [[Cthulhu]] religion. Confirmed to have been raped by Euron when they were kids. Planned to overthrow Euron, who bribed and manipulated his way into becoming king of the Ironborn. As of the excerpts from the sixth book, he [[Grimdark|Was captured by Euron and tortured to try and make him renounce his faith, including feeding him spoiled food, drugging him and burning him. Later Euron tied Aeron, naked, to the prow of Euron's ship alongside Euron's tortured, pregnant former lover because she showed Aeron kindness by once giving him proper food]]. He tried to console her by saying their suffering will end in underwater Valhalla, [[Awesome|showing Euron failed to make him deny his faith]]. Also left out of the show.
*Theon Greyjoy: Son of the Lord/King of the Iron Islands. Had the personality of a stereotypical high school jock, being an excellent archer and womanizer and proud of it. He was given to Ned Stark by his father after Balon failed to successfully rebel against Robert Baratheon. Swore an oath to Robb, but then ditched him out of a desperate need to please his father. Ends up castrated and acts as the personal slave of Ramsay Bolton after Ramsay puts him through horrific torture to turn him into Reek. Rescued by his sister, but the psychological trauma meant it took a while before he could stop calling himself Reek and start getting back to normal mentally (physically he's now missing a few parts that don't heal or grow back). He's just been reunited with his sister in the books, but is dead in the show, thanks to charging the Night King by himself while protecting Bran.
* Asha Greyjoy: Theon's older sister and a commander of some renown which is quite a feat - almost every man on the Iron Islands except her father either tried to get in her pants or told her to [[-4 STR|stop playing around and go do some actual women's work]], before she kicked enough ass that they respected her. Rescues Theon after he escapes Ramsay but then loses him to Stannis. Is named Yara in the show because the showrunners thought her name sounded too similar to Osha the wildling chick and is also apparently [[PROMOTIONS|bisexual]]. Eventually becomes Lady of the Iron Islands in the show because she's the last Greyjoy standing. Is more or less the only Ironborn who isn't a complete asshole.
*Euron Greyjoy ''Crow's Eye'': A [[Chaos Warrior|sick fuck Lovecraftian pirate armed with unnatural sorcerous powers]] and so evil that Balon banished him from the Iron Islands. Every member of his crew is a mute because Euron ripped all their tongues out. Many of them are also the illegitimate sons [[Beastmen|of women he's raped around the world during his raids]]. Uses an eyepatch to conceal a pitch-black eye, his personal "obviously a villain" mark. Raped his brother Victarion's wife, then claimed she wanted it so Victarion had to kill her. Raped his younger brother Aeron. Also showed back up in the Iron Islands the day after Balon died, despite having been raping and pillaging in Essos before that, which is suspicious as fuck. Now the new Iron King. Plans to conquer Westeros and has some unknown plan to deal with Daenerys. Revealed in the book ''Winds of Winter'' to be [[Erebus|one of the sickest fucks in an entire setting of sick fucks (and that's saying something)]], including having a god complex while hating religion so much he [[Grimdark|tortures any clergymen he captures to try and make them give up their faiths using ironic tortures themed around their religions - such as preachers have their tongues cut out and burning priests of the fire god to death]]. Euron tried and failed to break his priest brother Aeron's faith so he lashed Aeron to the front of his ship to die [[Grimdark|alongside Euron's own pregnant lover Falia]], in what could be preparations for the [[Betrayal at Calth|ruinstorm]].
**In the show he's just a psycho pirate turned king without any magic powers or gear [[FAIL|who wants to bang Cersei. Jaime kills him in the second-to-last episode in one of the dumbest moments in an already terrible episode.]]
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===House Tyrell===

''"Growing Strong"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Lords of Highgarden and the Reach, backstabbers par-excellence, and owners of a lot of fertile land: of the Seven Kingdoms, the Reach is the "biggest," having the most people, the largest army, and a stable, if not agrarian economy; yes, the Westerlands is richer, yes, the Stormlands have/had the strongest military, and yes, the Vale is the most honor-and-chivalry obsessed, but the Reach and the Tyrells are the only ones who can compete with all three at once. Unlike the current lot of Lannisters they understand the value of good PR, balancing ruthlessness with being somewhat amicable, political savvy and not being stuck-up on honour (which they still have more of than the Lannisters do). They're a bit analogous to France. In the books, it's the Tyrells and their support that keeps the throne aloft post-Robert, first aiding Joffrey, then Tommen. They were "shrewd" enough to stay out of Robert's Rebellion and outside of his court while Tywin was in charge, so their lands are basically untouched by war: the Reach's cities are also the most beautiful, with Highgarden and Oldtown being notable for not smelling like shit and full of garbage. [[Fail|Unfortunately, they've all been wiped out in the show]].

*Mace "The Ace" Tyrell: Lord of Highgarden. Massively fat and overweight, while being stupid, overreaching and constantly mocked by everyone else, he's otherwise known as a friendly man, a good Lord when it comes to management and a good father; in the books, The Throne uses him to print gold and alleviate hunger during the War of the Five Kings, so they give him and his family a bunch of positions to keep them invested. Unfortunately, this isn't enough to save a man in the Game of Thrones. Gets killed with the rest of the noble houses when Cersei blows up the Great Sept of Baelor.
*Olenna Tyrell: The brains behind House Tyrell's schemes. Known as the ''Queen of Thorns'' for being an outspoken, prickly and venomous old lady. Schemed with Littlefinger to have Joffrey killed, but she carried it out with compressed powder "gems" hidden in Sansa's hairnet that poisoned his wine. She is to the Tyrells as Tywin is to the Lannisters, except her daughter isn't a narcissistic sociopath.
**Alive and well in the books (so far), where she's pretty much the same as the show. She has taken Margaery as her successor, which is why she made sure she'd be engaged to Tommen and had Joffrey offed.
**Became a fan-favorite for constantly dropping awesome one-liners and calling out smug and/or unpopular characters like Littlefinger and the Sand Snakes. [[Fail|Killed off in the show]] as Jaime gives her the option of drinking painless poison or whatever Cersei wanted to do to her after beseiging Highgarden. Olenna took the poison, and before she died [[Awesome|revealed to Jaime that she was the one who killed Joffrey and told him to make sure Cersei knows it]].
*Willas Tyrell: Mace Tyrell's eldest son and heir, crippled at a very young age when jousting against Oberyn Martell. Surprisingly, he and Oberyn are still bros, even though the rest of their Houses aren't very fond of each other because of this incident. Probably one of the most pleasant and sensible characters in the books, which might explain why they never included him in the TV show. Very fond of breeding animals, especially horses.
*Garlan Tyrell ''The Gallant'': Second-born son. Badass extraordinaire considered one of the best swords in Westeros, and one of the few people kind to Tyrion. Trains for real combat (often against multiple opponents by himself) unlike Loras, who's a tourney fighter. Single-handedly wrecks many notable knights fighting for Stannis during the War of The Five Kings. And he is the only person other than Tywin to put Joffrey in his place, at his own wedding. Sadly no POV chapter yet and omitted from the TV series (Loras takes credit for his deeds).
*Loras Tyrell ''The Knight of Flowers'': The Tyrell who appears most in the TV series, since his older brothers got adapted out. Considered to be an example of the perfect knight, despite his youth. Is secretly Renly's gay lover and conspired to take the throne with him and his sister. He was elevated to the Kingsguard as part of the Lannister's appeasement of the Tyrells, but also to ensure that Margaery would be safe if it turned out they couldn't kill Joff/Tommen turned out to be a sociopath too. Last seen badly injured in the books attempting to take Stannis' castle in order to to prove his honor after the Faith Militant locked up his sister, but because none of Cersei's sources could visually confirm it, it's likely that the Tyrells ([[Iron warriors|it was ''their'' forces that did the sieging]], after all) fabricated a story to get their boy out of there. In the show he ends up tortured by the members of the Faith for being gay [[C.S Goto|because the showrunners retconned them to hate gay people]], [[Protectorate of Menoth|later joins their ranks of questionable willingness]], then dies when Cersei blows up the Sept of Baelor.
*Margaery Tyrell: The would-be Queen of Westeros, she has married, in order, Renly Baratheon (gay), Joffrey Baratheon (evil), and Tommen Baratheon (8 years old) and has been crowned as queen three times. While she is nice, like Disney Princess-in-a-grimdark-setting-nice, she is still her grandmother's protege , and so is the source of Cersei's paranoia (which is kinda valid as the Tyrells did off Joffrey so that the more-controllable and non-sociopathic Tommen could marry Margy). Cersei was so paranoid about Marge's ascension that she decided to legitimize the Sparrows and allow them to reform the [[Age of Apostasy|Faith Militant]], all because she was afraid Tommen would listen to Margaery more than her.
**In the show, she marries and uses sex to control Tommen, because the show needed to hit its titty quota and because Tommen is a teenager in the show. Was arrested by the resident Chamber Militant The Sparrow and asked for a trial by faith in the books. In the show, this also happens but she tries to be pious in an attempt to save herself but ended up getting killed when Cersei blew up the Sept of Baelor.
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===House Martell===

''"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"''
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[[Tallarn|Desert dwelling survivalists]] who [[Dune|pride themselves on having never been conquered]] by the Targaryen dynasty (though they later married in). Moorish Spaniards, kinda. Their entire thing is that they're nothing like the rest of the Seven Kingdoms: they're descended from the Rhoynar, a group of people that used to live along one of Essos' longest rivers who practice absolute cognatic (the oldest child, regardless of gender, inherits the throne) succession and take a very liberal attitude towards sex. House Martell also has a rocky relationship with the rest of the kingdom: The Baratheons don't trust them because they were all Targaryen loyalists, the Reach doesn't like them because of historic wars between the two, and House Martell has never forgiven House Lannister for Clegane's rape and murder of Elia Martell, Rhaegar's first wife and mother of his children.
[[C.S Goto|Their story arc was completely ruined in the show, as Elia and Oberyn's daughters kill Oberyn's brother and nephew for taking too long to avenge him before being captured and killed themselves by Euron and Cersei]].
*Doran Martell: Lord of Sunspear and of royal descent. Still mad at the Lannisters about that whole "murdered-my-sister-and-infant-niece thing". Playing the longest of long games with Varys, which blew up in his face because he told ''no one in his family'' about his schemes (well, maybe Oberyn, but Oberyn is dead).
**[[What|Killed off in the show by Ellaria as part of her plan to avenge Oberyn]]. Even his actor was upset.
*Arianne Martell: One of GRRM's characters who seems to exists solely to fuck everything up at the worst conceivable moment. Still hot as Dornish girls come. See, she is technically the heir of Dorne, being the ''first-born'' daughter, and yet was shut out of most of her father's meetings and plans, which caused her to get upset because even Oberyn treats all of his bastards better than her dad treats her. After Doran ''seemingly'' accepts his own brother's death without any sort of fuss, she decides that her father is weak and plans to start ''another'' front in the War of Five Kings by putting Myrcella up on the throne. However, one of her dad's spies gives them up, and in a huge clusterfuck, Myrcella gets maimed by one of the pro-war knights. She is then taken to her father, who finally spills the beans on his grand scheme: the reason why she was sidelined by her father was because he had secretly betrothed her to her Viserys, but now that Viserys is dead, plans to see if he can broker an alliance with "Aegon," Rhaegar and Elia's son who "supposedly" was secreted away and replaced with doubles.
*Oberyn Martell ''The Viper of Dorne'': Doran Martell's brother, a bisexual swinger, former mercenary, and a drunkard (and also Inigo Montoya in Dark Fantasy). His girlfriend is a spectacularly beautiful bastard named Ellaria Sand and he has many illegitimate children, mostly daughters, collectively called "The Sand Snakes". Crippled the Tyrell heir in a joust, causing a rift between the two houses; despite this, he's actually best mates with the aforementioned heir, due to Willas Tyrell being straight up the nicest and most balanced man in the series and Oberyn being a very decent person. Known for poisoning his weapons, as well as his battle-cry. Died from a mutual kill, with Gregor Clegane crushing his skull in rather graphically, but Oberyn getting the last laugh, since he got Clegane with a horribly painful and slow-acting venom which stretched his death over days or even weeks, during which time he was ruthlessly experimented upon by a mad scientist, meaning he avenged his sister Elia who Gregor had raped and murdered. [[Sanguinius|So to sum it up, he's a spear-wielding badass whose death in battle against a major villain was deeply traumatizing for all in-universe and out]].

*Quentyn Martell: Didn't realize he was in Dark Low Fantasy and thought he was in High Fantasy, poor bastard. A member of House Martell, sent to marry Daenerys to secure an alliance between the families since the original marriage plan to hook Arianne up with Viserys won't work with Viserys dead. Leaves Westeros and goes all the way to the city of Meereen to marry her, but he's too late, as she marries the Meereenese noble Hizdahr, and like Jorah he's not her type (Dany likes her bad boys). Tries to tame two of her dragons to impress her; the attempt goes wrong, he gets horribly burnt and gradually dies in agony from his wounds.
*The Sand Snakes: Oberyn's children. All daughters he had with various women throughout his travels (all consensual encounters, mind you, which actually says a lot about Westeros that it has to be said). Mixed race and all hot with various skills including combat training and mastery of poisons. Working with Doran and Ellaria in the books.
**[[C.S Goto|Ruined in the show where they don't accomplish anything, are given atrocious dialogue (the "you need the bad pussy" line comes to mind), aren't great fighters and get killed by Euron's men, except for the one who poisoned Myrcella; she gets captured and poisoned back by Cersei so an imprisoned Ellaria is forced to watch her die and decompose.]]</div></div>

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===House Bolton===

''"Our Blades Are Sharp"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Starks' most important (and most despised) vassal, a former arch-rival made of [[Grimdark]] because their entire theme [[Dark Eldar|revolves around Torture]] and they're [[Night Lords|thoroughly awful, dishonorable, sadistic cowards who can be counted on to do every dirty trick possible before even trying to fight fair. Their sigil is a crucified and flayed man]], their castle is [[Commorragh|a complex of constant suffering called the Dreadfort]], and just look at their House motto...all of which shows how stupid the Starks were for thinking they could control them. Tied with Red Wedding collaborators the Freys as the most thoroughly vile house in the entire setting (no mean feat, all things considered).
*Roose Bolton, ''The 'Leech Lord'': A Lawful Evil sociopathic health nut who's called the Leech Lord because he gets leeched regularly, believing they get rid of bad blood. Second-most powerful Lord in the North with ambitions to depose the Starks. Since the Starks are mostly unable to think like crafty people and are blinded by excessive honour this doesn't prove too difficult. He gets his wish when he stabs Robb Stark in the back, at his uncle's wedding no less, and has anyone associated with Robb killed. He then makes over Winterfell in his bloody image and is currently trolling Stannis. Believes in the abolished practice of "[[Rape|Droit du seigneur]]" (a tradition that allowed a lord to have sex with subordinate women, whether they wanted to or not) and killed at least one man for trying to hide his wife from Roose (before fathering Ramsay with her via rape). Believed that he and his son could be as evil as they wanted as long as no one found out. Killed by Ramsey in the show, which Ramsay tried to cover with a lie despite the witnesses to his actions. May also be dead in the books, since the letter Jon receives from Winterfell in book five is addressed from Lord Ramsay Bolton.
*Ramsay Snow/Bolton: <s>A Dark Elf with shaved ears in the wrong universe</s>. <s>The Joker of Westeros</s>. The Chaotic Evil incarnate bastard son of Roose Bolton and a peasant woman he raped [[Grimdark|(under the hanging corpse of the woman's husband, for fuck's sake!)]]. One of the most fucked up people in all of the Seven Kingdoms (alongside the Mountain, Joffrey, the original Reek, the pedophile marauder Rorge and Euron), because he [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|loves to torture and kill people openly for the lulz]], such as Theon Greyjoy, who he crippled, knocked his teeth out, castrated, and brainwashed into calling himself Reek. Reek was originally a peasant appointed to try and control a young Ramsay, but instead Ramsay warped him into a mentally unstable necrophiliac before killing Reek to fake his death, but Ramsay seemed to hold some twisted affection for him. He also sent Theon's severed appendage to Theon's dad in a cutesy box with a letter mockingly detailing his evilness. Will torture anyone who points out his illegitimate heritage even though now he's legally recognized as a Bolton. Also has a pack of hunting dogs he names after women he hunts, rapes and kills. Married a fake Arya Stark and regularly mistreats her, including forced bestiality. Not a fun guy to be around. The only reason he's gotten away with it for so long (as pointed out by his father) is that no one is strong enough to stand up to him yet, but [[Powder Keg of Justice|when they are]] he's going to be killed (especially if his fate in the show is anything to go by).
**In the show, he killed his father with a knife, fed his stepmother and newborn half-brother to his dogs, then married Sansa Stark and deflowered her via rape. Ramsay was such a monster even Iwan Rheon, THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE GUY, hoped he'd die horribly. He got his wish: The consequences of Ramsay's actions catch up with him when Jon Snow shows up with an army capable of threatening him, and after surprise reinforcements from Littlefinger and his own fucked-up teamkilling, the Starks crush the Bolton army, forcing Ramsay to flee back to Winterfell. Despite this, the gate is smashed down, and Jon disarms him and beats him quite brutally before detaining him to await trial. Before the trial Sansa sets his dogs on him, which he had deliberately starved so they would eat Jon. Apparently they found him quite tasty. For all that Season 6 of GoT is Skub, there likely aren't many who would object to this moment.
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===House Frey===

''"We Stand Together"''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> House of weasels who are always grumpy and have a thing for overreacting to perceived slights. Wouldn't be that important except for the fact that they own the only bridge over a strategically important river, and regularly extort anyone attempting to cross it...that, and performing the Red Wedding, AKA the Magnum Opus of Grimdark that single-handedly ensures they're [[Marines Malevolent|the most hated fucks in the whole setting in-universe and out.]] Simply put, there is '''nothing''' good or nice you can say about the Freys. They're ugly inside and out, cruel, treacherous, thoroughly dishonorable, and aren't even strong warriors, being a mix of incompetent dumbasses and sadistic cowards. They'd all make excellent Skaven (especially considering they could stand to be killed by some Lizardmen).

*Walder Frey: The ancient, terrible, ornery old man in charge of the Twins. Universally detested by his peers (and the audience) for being an amoral, sociopathic opportunist, which he returns in kind for said peers "looking down on him" (can't imagine why), and will readily betray an important ally for immediate gain, or if he feels he has been slighted in some minor way, with the aforementioned Red Wedding being the most infamous example of both. His descendants are literally so numerous that no one except GRRM himself has been able to count them all, so we aren't even going to attempt it (not helped by quite a few of them being named Walder as well). Now dead in the show due to getting his throat slit by a vengeful Arya after she serves him two of his sons as meat pies. </div></div>

===Minor Houses and non-Houses===
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'''Night's Watch'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Night's Watch are an apolitical force in charge of manning The Wall, a giant ice wall that separates the relative tranquillity of the south from the Lovecraftian fucked-up-itude of the true north. They are chronically undermanned and undersupplied since nobody believes their stories of a barbarian army or the impending zombie apocalypse. Basically everybody else thinks they're in a game of [[Diplomacy]] and the Night's Watch are the only ones who realize they're actually in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]], though it's been so long since the last snow elf invasion that even they had forgotten about the undead hordes and focused too much on barbarians. Too add to their problems, they are overwhelmingly comprised of petty criminals who wanted to avoid the hangman, because "taking the black", as it's colloquially known, also brings with it a full pardon for any crime committed, even murder and treason (even rape, though rapists tend to be despised among the Night's Watch). Taking the black isn't also very popular, as a common joke in the Seven Kingdoms is that out 10 people, only would one would willfully take the black, the rest would rather get hanged. They also frequently serve as a convinient catch-all solution for Lords and nobles who fell out of favor, committed treason or were outwitted in the endless Westerosi wheel of politics; lucky for them because said Lords and Nobles are usually the only ones with any fighting experience that are part of the watch and make up their leadership. They've allied with the Wildings and the North, but in the TV show, the Night's King used the undead dragon Viserion to burn a hole through The Wall.
*Jeor Mormont, ''The Old Bear'': 997th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch at the start of the series. Sees Jon Snow as something of a second son (since his own son Jorah was exiled for enslaving and refused to take the black for his crimes). Leads a ranging north of the Wall to investigate reports that the Others have returned. Ends up killed during a mutiny of survivors after the Others wiped out most of his force.
*Alliser Thorne: Prick of a knight who was favourite to be the next Watch Commander, but was passed over by Jon Snow. Unable to accept Jon Snow letting the Wildlings live on the other side of the wall in an alliance against the zombie hordes, he staged a coup against Jon. It failed because Jon was brought back to life. He is now dead in the show, having been executed for his treason by Jon Snow. Despite of his many personal failings, he's one of the very few capable fighters (and a pretty good one, even) of the Watch and a skilled commander. Took the Black after siding with the Targaryens during the Sack of King's Landing in the civil war.
*Aemon Targaryen: Maester of the Citadel at Castle Black. Despite being the third born son of King Maekar I Targaryen, he declined the right to sit on the Iron Throne. One of the few people in the series to die of old age, at 102.
*Samwell Tarly, ''The Slayer'': Fat bookworm who was forced to take the black after his father Randyl threatened to murder him for being unmanly. Jon Snow's best friend among the Night's Watch, and knows everything because he "read it in a book". Despite being a self-professed coward, Sam became the first person in thousands of years to slay an Other with an obsidian dagger. George Martin himself said Sam's based on Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Since then, he has started improving his combat skills and balls (in more ways than one for the latter, finding his spine and losing his virginity). He abandons the Night's Watch to help fight the dead and tell Jon who he really is, and winds up becoming the new Grand Maester by the end of the show.
*Eddison Tollett, ''Dolorous Edd'': Probably the most badass member of the Night's Watch. Responds to situations by making sarcastic jokes about them, and known for being a grim motherfucker in a setting of grim motherfuckers. In the show he [[Awesome|became the new Lord Commander]] while Jon was dead, but gave the title back to Jon when he was brought back to life, and then Jon handed it right back because he needed to go sort out Ramsay Bolton. Dies in Season 8 at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Benjen Stark: The [[Dune|Duncan Idaho]] of this series, the dead guy all the other characters and all the ''readers'' love so much someone has to bring him back from the dead in later books. Benjen is Eddard Stark's youngest brother and the prime motivation why Jon wants to join the Night's Watch in the first place. Joined the Watch for reasons unknown and disappears without a trace even before Jon arrives. In the TV series, he returns as a benevolent Wight that retained his free will and helps Bran to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.
*Qhorin Half-Hand: Badass extraordinaire that killed a shitton of Wildlings in his long time of service, rumoured to have spent more time north of the Wall than anyone living southerner in the setting. Lets himself get killed by Jon in a gambit to earn Mance Rayders respect.
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'''Wildlings'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Groups of nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes who live north of the Wall. Mostly First Men by blood, they have been heading toward the Wall for the past decade with the reputed reemergence of the Others. Nomadic, aggressive, and very much believing in "might makes right", they do not get along with anyone south of The Wall since they view them as "Kneeling weaklings". Basically every Celtic/Scandinavian/barbarian stereotype combined.
*Mance Rayder, ''The King Beyond The Wall'': A Wildling orphan who was taken in by the Night's Watch, he became their best Ranger before he deserted to join his people. He united the Wildlings and lead them south to escape the Others. Also a trained bard, but that was not enough to save him from death in the show while he's merely MIA in the books.
*Tormund Giantsbane: Claims to have a ten-inch penis, and invites his enemies to use their mouths if they want to clean it. Cool as fuck old guy who [[Furry|fucks mother-bears]] in his free time. Tough as nails motherfucker who preaches the merits of using one's cock for everything. He teams up with Jon Snow for the fight against the White Walkers, then fucks off back to the north once the Night King is dead, making him one of the most sensible people on the show. He and Jon go off to be bros at the end of the show.
*Ygritte: Wildling woman who Jon Snow ends up falling for and who returns his affections. Has red hair which is considered lucky among the Wildlings. This being ''A Song of Ice and Fire'', she ends up dying because her worldview is not compatible with Jon's.
*Craster: A sick bastard, formerly a member of the Night's Watch turned polygamous isolationist. By the way, [[Grimdark|his current wives are his many daughters and granddaughters who he fucks regularly to have more children. Girls grow up to become more wives, boys get sacrificed to the Others]]. This keeps the Others at bay - and is implied to be a way the Others reproduce themselves, and that sanctuary is why the Night's Watch barely tolerates him. Fortunately, he's been killed off in the story and his offspring go their separate ways.
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'''Commoners, Knights, and Petty Lords'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Basically any character not associated with any of the Great Houses.
* Varys, ''The Spider'': The eunuch spymaster of Westeros. You can't take a shit in the Seven Kingdoms without Varys finding out where, when, and how watery or dry it was. He does this through paid informants and his "little birds", a spy network of children who sneak through the castle's passageways and air flues to eavesdrop on everyone. Somewhat of a paradoxical character, since his literal dicklessness, reputation and political power make every character extremely vary of him (it's more or less implied that the main thing keeping him in the small council is the fact that he has got enough shit on everyone to blackmail them into submission if they would dare step out of his line) but under the surface, he is the rare example of people in Westeros that isn't an entirely self-serving scumbag and seems to show genuine care and concern for the common folk [[Just as planned|(Even if his machinations frequently put commonors in peril, but hey, such is politics)]]. To that end, he manipulated events that, according to his plan, would end with a Targaryen on the throne, to permanently stabilize the realm and rid it of the aformentioned self-serving idiots. On a sidenote, he's one of the few, if not the only person to fully comprehend how dangerous Littlefinger actually is. In the books, he's currently trying to install an adolescent Targaryen on the Iron Throne (who probably isn't even one, but he got the looks) Dead in the show, having decided to try and put Jon on the throne instead of Daenerys; Jon says no, Tyrion sells him out when he realizes Jon absolutely means it, and Dany has Drogon barbecue him.
* Petyr Baelish, ''Littlefinger'': The Master of Coin (the ASOIAF equivalent of a treasurer) and the closest person the Game of Thrones world has to a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Tzeentch]], up to even declaring "[[Chaos]] is a Ladder". A dangerous manipulator who manages to trick and steal his way to positions of lordship and wealth because no one takes him seriously, and stabs all the Lannisters in the back when they become inconvenient. As a child, he wanted Catelyn Stark and was tricked into thinking she wanted him when her sister Lysa fucked him while he was drunk. Challenged Catelyn's betrothed Brandon Stark, Ned's older brother who was murdered by Aerys, for her hand in marriage and got his ass kicked because he was a small skinny boy and Brandon Stark was a big strapping man, making that his start of darkness. The guy responsible, directly or indirectly, for the War of the Five Kings because he was the mastermind behind poisoning Jon Arryn, the capture and execution of Ned Stark, feeding several half-truths to Catelyn to motivate her to arrest Tyrion, and eventually Joffrey's death by having Dontos and Olenna Tyrell carry out the plan to kill Joffrey and letting Tyrion take the fall; but no one in the story knows this, not even Varys. People think he can pull gold out of thin air, but he's really been buying debt while letting Robert Baratheon's extravagances and Joffrey and Cersei's dipshittery pull the country into a serious debt of its own. So he's pledged himself to [[Chaos]] and destroying Westeros all because he couldn't have Catelyn as his girlfriend, though he changed his focus to her daughter Sansa now, making him a pedophile. Hasn't yet got his comeuppance in the books, but is currently dead in the show after he was out-gambitted by Sansa and killed by Arya (though the less said about how well executed this was, the better). According to GRRM, he's based on the title character from the Great Gatsby, even though he only really resembles the character when putting on an act. [[Erebus|Basically has the role of a treacherous figure who gives bad advice on purpose and is responsible for the series of events that lead to a massive, devastating war with horrible consequences, making him one of the vilest folks in the 'verse]].
*Gregor Clegane, ''The Mountain'': A 7' 8" 400 pound mass of testosterone, muscles, steroid overdose, [[Slaanesh|utter disregard for consent]], [[Khorne|and murderous RAGE]], Gregor is Tywin Lannister's top muscle. Killed his own father and sister and permanently scarred his brother. [[Beastmen|Hobbies include rape, arson, murder, and random torture]]; he's also been married a few times but not now with the implication he kept killing his wives. He played an important part in destroying the Targaryens by killing a couple of Rhaegar's kids in rather brutal fashion, then raping and murdering his wife. Spends a few novels doing Tywin's dirty work before a Trial by Champion leads to him dying after being poisoned by Oberyn Martell. Qyburn later resurrected him as... something... called "Ser Robert Strong", and is now even stronger, less prone to psychotic rages, and is completely obedient. He's based on accounts of French knight Gilles de Rais and maybe also the scriptural giant Goliath. In the show he goes on to torture Cersei's nun jailer to death in a brutal and unspecified fashion kills Qyburn during the Siege of King's Landing and then nearly kills his little brother, only for Sandor to tackle him through a collapsing wall and into a gigantic inferno that claims both. [[Honsou|Standing out as one of ''the'' evilest pieces of shit in a world filled with them]], to the point that even the author himself has labeled him the worst character in the series.
* Sandor Clegane, ''The Hound'': Younger brother to Gregor Clegane, called the Hound because of his hound-face helm, his family's heraldry, and being the king's hired muscle without being a knight. He hates knights due to the hypocrisy of being a professional "noble warrior" but mostly since his monstrous brother is a knight, showing it's not so much of a noble promotion. Terrified of fire after Gregor put his head against a brazier for playing with one of Gregor's old toys when they were children, burning half his face, but he's still the second-strongest person in Westeros. A brutal anti-hero with a soft spot for Sansa, but a better person than his brother. After falling sick from Biter's nasty teeth, he ends up being a silent monk burying people in the Silent Isles. In the show, he joins the Brotherhood without Banners and goes north to help fuck up the White Walkers. As of Season 8, he's survived the Battle of Winterfell and is riding south with Arya to put the boots to Gregor. Dies killing his now undead brother in a pretty epic fight amidst the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep.
*Grand Maester Pycelle: A shrewd, dangerous man putting on a "harmless old man act" and a high ranking scholar from the science/medical guild the Maesters. The longest-serving member of the King's advisory staff, and is actually Tywin Lannister's biggest lackey. He convinced the Mad King to let Tywin in as Baratheon's armies were marching on the capital, where Tywin proceeded to sack the city and claim it for Robert. Gets his head bashed in by Varys in the books and murdered by Qyburn in the show.
* Qyburn: Formerly a maester, who was kicked out of the order for unethical experiments on the living (taking people and performing vivisections to be precise). Introduced as a part of a mercenary company serving Roose Bolton, which should be a red flag. He moves up in the world when he's sent to escort Brienne and Jaime back to King's Landing and ends with Cersei employing him to replace Pycelle as "science advisor" and eventually Varys's Spymaster. Serves Cersei loyally as long as she lets him indulge his sick experiments, serving as a black magic variety of the court mage. He has resurrected Gregor Clegane as... something. [[Fabius Bile]] if he traded his robot limbs, eugenics and power armour for necromancy. He overestimated his hold on Gregor and got his head caved in for it as of the second-to-last episode of the show.
*Barristan Selmy, ''The Bold'': Knight of the Kingsguard. Which Kingsguard? Take your pick. He's served pretty much every king since Aerys and understandably feels pretty bad about it. Another sad old man who pretty much just wants to die until he decides to go pledge his services to Daenerys. Even in his old age, he is considered one of the most dangerous men in Westeros. [[Fail|Dead in the show]] (to be fair they gave him a huge last stand), but [[Awesome|alive]] and [[Roboute Guilliman|appointed himself Daenerys' steward in her absence to try and fix Meereen's situation in the books]].
*Melisandre, ''The Red Witch'': A priestess of R'hllor, the god of fire. Proclaimed Stannis to be the messiah-king and is doing everything in her power to make sure he wins (considerable given that she can scry, make shadow baby assassins and set things on fire with her mind). She'd be pretty bro-tier if her god wasn't so vicious. As it stands she's kind of in the grey (in the books, the show seems to zig-zag on her being evil 'cos the showrunners seem to hate religion). Most of the people she set on fire deserved it, and she hasn't ''succeeded'' in killing any babies yet. Show version now dead from suicide via rapid ageing after ensuring the Living defeat the Dead.
*Jorah Mormont: A knight and son of Jeor Mormont, exiled for trying to sell poachers into slavery and eventually joining the exiles of House Targaryen. He is offered a pardon in exchange for spying on the Targaryens but ultimately decides to stay with them after falling in love with Daenerys. Unfortunately, he gets friend-zoned hard. Despite saving her life from an assassin while she was pregnant, she still votes him off the Khalassar after learning he was a spy. He still loves her and follows her in secret, though. In the show, he goes on a quest to prove himself to her and contracts the dangerous disease Greyscale (it's like the unholy lovechild of smallpox and leprosy), but he gets cured and is now back at her side. He dies protecting her at the Battle of Winterfell.
*[[This Guy|Davos Seaworth]], ''The Onion Knight'': A former smuggler and bannerman to House Baratheon, and a top-tier hype man, pulling speeches out on the spot on several occasions to convince people to support Stannis and later Jon. One of the most Noblebright characters in the setting, which really isn't bad for a man that only just now learned how to read. During Roberts Rebellion he ran a blockade with a cargo of contraband onions to a castle Stannis Baratheon was besieged in. In exchange for the food he had, Stannis knighted Davos, [[Rules Lawyer|but Stannis's law-worshipping mindset compelled him to remove four digits from his left hand]]. Despite this, Davos has served Stannis with unquestioning loyalty, because Stannis knighting him gave his children a future. The fact that Stannis's war for the throne has ended up killing several of his sons hasn't dented his loyalty at all. **Doesn't like Melisandre because he sees her as a user and her beliefs as brutal. He's a devout follower of the Faith of the Seven in the books and the first season of the show [[C.S Goto|but is clumsily retconned into an anti-religious atheist in later show seasons]]. In the show, he's now pledged to DA NORF and is basically Jon's Hand of the King, except he doesn't get a fancy pin. He survives the Battle of Winterfell and the Second Sack of King's Landing and becomes Master of Ships in the final episode of the show.
*Shae: A former camp follower and Tyrion Lannister's squeeze for most of the story. Fled from an abusive family and became a camp follower to earn a living. Seems to fall in love with Tyrion, but it turns out she's a gold-digging bitch. When Tyrion doesn't marry Shae she sells him out to Cersei for a better offer, then fucks Tywin when she realizes Cersei won't keep her promise. Tyrion found her in his father's bed and strangled her to death with a necklace for betraying him. The discovery of Shae's corpse in Tywin's bed - posthumously outing him as a whoremonger - upsets Cersei to the point she unpersons Shae.
*Bronn: A mercenary who acts as Tyrion's enforcer and personal killer until Cersei outbids him and he settles down with a little wife and title. Routinely kills knights by exploiting how arrogant and stupid they are even after becoming one himself. Only in it for the money, which he'll happily tell you himself. The only character other than Littlefinger to end every book in a better position than he started it. In the show, he makes the very sensible decision to sit out the fighting and wait for his promised castle (Riverrun if Cersei wins, Highgarden if Daenerys wins). He gets Highgarden and is named Lord Paramount of the Reach and Master of Coin in the final episode. Some nobles bitch about the idea of an upjumped thug receiving such high and exalted positions until he points out that their Houses were probably founded by people a lot like him.
* Brienne of Tarth, ''The Beauty'': Surprisingly badass lady knight wannabe (since no women can be knighted), legendarily unattractive but still pretty idealistic despite the shit she gets for her looks. Fate frequently gives her the shit end of the stick, because no matter how hard she tries to finish her quests, she ends up failing or stuff happens that makes it impossible. Secretly crushes on Renly and unaware he's gay. After he dies, Brienne switches her loyalty to Catelyn and helps her bring Jaime to King's Landing as Tyrion promised Sansa's return in exchange for Jaime. She later developed a crush on Jaime. Things don't go well because Jaime lost his hand and the Red Wedding happened. Next, Jaime sends her out to find and keep Sansa safe to make good on Tyrion's promise, since he isn't the complete dick everyone thinks he is. Brienne ends up getting captured by Cat, now known as Lady Stoneheart and an insane undead, who was going to hang Brienne for working with Jaime. Brienne was spared at the last moment to capture/manipulate Jaime.
**In the show, she's now sworn to House Stark and gets knighted by Jaime just before the Battle of Winterfell and then she and Jaime hook up afterwards, only for him to take off and break her heart, because remember kids, he'd rather fuck his sister than fuck an ugly chick. She is now Lady Commander of the Kingsguard as of the final episode.
* Lyanna Mormont: A badass ten-year-old girl who inherits [[Kislev|Bear Island]] after her mother and older sister die horribly in the Riverlands - at least if we are going by the show; in the book, her mother is still alive somewhere [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|waging a Guerilla War]] in the Neck and her older sister Alysanne is the de-facto head of House Mormont. Her activities include pimp-slapping bitches, leading men twice as old as her, and being completely loyal to the Starks despite all their misfortunes. [[Awesome|"Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK."]] She dies killing an undead giant at the Battle of Winterfell, which is pretty badass.
* Wyman Manderly, ''Lord Too-Fat-To-Sit-A-Horse'': The Lord of White Harbour and one of the few Northerners who worship the Seven. Fervently loyal to House Stark, he pays lip-service to the Iron Throne long enough for his eldest son to return home, all to mask a plan to restore the Starks to power, mostly by destabilising the Frey-Bolton alliance, building a navy, marshalling the forces of the lands east of the White Knife river, "losing" Freys in the wilderness and sending Lord Davos Seaworth to rescue Rickon Stark from Skagos. His favourite food is lamprey, although he has also developed a taste for Frey Pie. Also a remarkably graceful dancer, and can survive taking a knife to the throat.
** Wylla Manderly: Granddaughter to the above. Another badass little girl, her activities include openly declaring undying loyalty to House Stark and dying her hair green. She and Lyanna Mormont would probably be best friends if they met. [[Awesome|"The city is built upon the land [the Starks] gave us. In return, we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!"]]
* Jon Umber, ''The Greatjon'': At first he seems to be your stereotypical, boisterous Northern Lord. However, he becomes one of Robb's most loyal supporters, being first to declare him as 'King in the North' after Ned's execution. Had his moment of awesome [[Awesome|when he killed and wounded four Freys at the Red Wedding, all the while being drunk and needing eight additional men to take him down.]]
* Beric Dondarrion, ''The Lightning Lord'': Minor lord who agreed to head an expedition to take out Gregor Clegane. This being Game of Thrones, however, his party is ambushed by the Mountain and is beaten rather badly, and he loses his life in the process. Thanks to his drunken Red Priest friend, however, he manages to come back not once, but eight times, and each time he comes back, he becomes more powerful, though at the cost of his memory. He now heads an outlaw faction of grimdark Robin Hood types called "The Brotherhood Without Banners", who are dedicated to punishing those who abuse and mistreat the smallfolk. Ironically, he's one of the few book characters to have died (permanently) in the books but remain alive in the show, except now he's dead for real as of the Battle of Winterfell.
* Thoros of Myr: Aforementioned drunken priest who is dedicated to R'hllor, though at first he doesn't really give a rat's ass about the Red God, as he prefers to party it up with wine and women, but after he 'accidentally' resurrects Beric, he becomes quite serious about his religion and vows to curb his excesses in drinking. Dies on a mission beyond the Wall to capture a wight (show-version). Bane of swordsmiths across the lands, as he likes to routinely ignite his swords with Wildfire when he gets a hold of some of the stuff, which completely destroys the blade.
* The Brave Companions: Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be a faction in this setting as fucked up as the Boltons, Freys, and Ironborn, these guys come along and prove you wrong. A bunch of "mercenaries" who are really more just complete and utter lunatics that are incapable of doing what they're paid to in any way except the bloodiest and nastiest, all with maximum [[Rape]] thrown in too (especially if Brienne of Tarth is involved, because every single fucking one of these guys wants, tries to, or threatens to rape her at some point). Led by Vargo Hoat, a goat-helmet wearing maniac who likes cutting body parts off of his victims before killing them. The rest of his band consists of a bunch of other sickos who are every bit as bad as him (except Rorge, who is even worse). To put this into perspective, the member of the group who is a pedophile priest (Septon Utt), is the ''least'' evil one, if only because he actually regrets what he does and is suggested to do what he does because of urges he can't control. The rest? Forget about it. After Vargo's gruesome death at the hands of the even worse Gregor Clegane, the surviving Brave Companions scatter, effectively dissolving the group but meaning a bunch of these assholes are still active. Cut from the TV show completely.
** Rorge: Gregor Clegane 2.0, being ''another'' big, brutish, psychotic monster who rapes people and murders children and who is a Chaotic Evil super-thug through and through (because apparently we needed another one in the setting), with the added bit of awfulness of being a child-hating pedophile. Along with Gregor Clegane, one of the absolute worst characters in the entire series (a high bar, as you've probably gathered by now). Killed by Brienne. In the TV show, he's a completely forgettable one-shot, throwaway character who gets killed by Arya before he can really do anything and doesn't come anywhere close to the awfulness of his book version.
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'''The Free Cities'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Nine city-states to the West of Essos, for the most part, the old colonies of the Valaryian Freehold. Mostly they are ruled by Merchant Princes. They look down on the Westerosi for being a bunch of up jumped backwards war-mongering morons who are only a few silverware sets and maesters away from absolute barbarism. In turn, the Westerosi look down on the Free Cities as being money-grubbing effete cowards ruled by cheesemongers who use bribery, tall walls and dirty tricks to get ahead in the world.

* Illyrio Mopatis: A rich fat bastard and a Magister of Pentos. Old buddies with Varys and a bigtime schemer.
* [[Officio Assassinorum|The Faceless Men]]: A cult of shape-shifting assassins who worship The Many-Faced God of death based in the free city of Braavos that give up personal identity. They claim descent from escaped Valyrian slaves who considered death to be a better fate than perpetual slavery. Their mission hence became being servants of the Many-Faced God of Death. You can hire them to off your rivals, but they request a steep and equivalent price. They also offer a painless, quick suicide for downtrodden and desparate people by the means of poison. Their motto is "Valar Morghulis": All Men Must Die.
* Xaro Xhoan Daxos: One of the thirteen leaders of the city of Qarth. A flamboyant, languid, bald rich man who looks after Daenerys while she stays in Qarth and gives her many gifts. He wants her dragons as much as anyone else and even tries to marry her despite his homosexual tendencies. He stops wanting the dragons later in the book series after seeing [[RIP AND TEAR|their work in Astapor]], and no longer wants her around as her anti-slavery stance is hampering his wealth, so he offers Daenerys ships to leave the area and declares war on her when she refuses. In the show, he's heterosexual, helps steal her dragons, fucks one of her handmaidens and gets locked in a vault for conspiring to have her killed. He's also black and fat in the show when he's white and lanky in the books, being Qartheen and all.
* Syrio Forel: The former First Sword of Braavos (aka the ruler's personal bodyguard) and later Arya's mentor in King's Landing. He teaches her the way of Braavosi fencing, called "Water Dancing", and sacrifices himself to save her from Lannister thugs, taking down at least six of them with a wooden sword. May have inadvertently set her on the path of becoming a badass assassin by telling her of his belief in the God of Death.

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'''The Dothraki'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Horse people who live in a country of endless grass plains referred to by others as the Dothraki sea. They only have one city, called Vaes Dothrak, which is less of a city and more of a place they all meet when important things have to be discussed. Have traits borrowed from several cultures, including Mongols and Native Americans, all filtered through European misconceptions of those cultures of course, such as the Dothraki's antipathy for heavy armour, despite the fact that the Mongols were very heavily armoured and also excelled as infantry, see the Battle of Leignitz. They fear the ocean because of its size and the fact that horses won't drink from it, calling it the "poison water".

* Khal Drogo: An Expy of <s>Genghis Khan</s> Yesukhei Baatyr (his son would have been the equivalent to Chinggis Khaan). Leads the largest Khalassar among the Dothraki. Despite being a barbarian warlord, Drogo is surprisingly intelligent and treats Daenerys well. After an assassin tries to kill her he promises to conquer Westeros for her and their unborn son and immediately starts raiding towns for slaves and ships. At one town he gets cut in a leadership challenge and Daenerys gets a captive wise woman to heal him. However, the woman hates him because his tribe destroyed her hometown, raped/slaughtered or enslaved her friends and raped her three times so she curses him to become catatonic (along with killing his unborn son), leading a devastated Daenerys to perform an arguable mercy kill by smothering him with a pillow. After she burns herself, her stillborn child and the wise woman on his funeral pyre, Daenerys survives and it brings her dragons to life. GRRM named Drogo after [[The Lord of the Rings|Frodo's father]].
* Daenerys' handmaidens.
** Doreah: Daenerys' handmaiden and a wedding gift from Illyrio. A woman from Lysene brought by her brother to teach her how to pleasure a man. In the book she dies of fever and starvation crossing a desert, in the TV show, she betrays Daenerys for [[Salamanders|Xaro's BBC]] and gets locked in a vault to starve to death.
** Irri: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches Daenerys how to ride a horse. [[PROMOTIONS|Also pleasures Daenerys twice after catching her masturbating once]], yet this canonical girl-on-girl action was left out of the show. The character was even killed off there when she survived in the books, but in this case, it was because her actress' visa had expired rather than [[C.S. Goto|author railroading]].
** Jhiqui: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches her the Dothraki language and squabbles with Irri over wanting one of Daenerys' bodyguards when he becomes a badass. Also dies in the TV show while staying alive so far in the books.

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'''Slavers Bay'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">A civilization of [[Stupid Evil]] slavers. The remains of a previous civilization that was once the big powerful empire thanks to having phalanxes of obedient, pain-resistant soldiers which Valyria conquered a long while ago because phalanxes don't do too well against motherfucking dragons. They are ruled by wealthy slave mongers who buy slaves, train them up to do specific things and generally are a bunch of stuck up, decadent, puppy-eating (literally) assholes. Basically a civilization so repugnant even most hippies will be cheering when Dany decides to conquer them.

* The Unsullied: Eunuch phalanx fighting slave soldiers trained the Spartan way to produce totally obedient infantry that never break ranks. They also don't feel pain due to drinking a special drink daily, and each one has to take a new name from the name box each day so they can't develop a sense of identity. At least until Dany "bought" the lot of them, had them sack the city which trained them, and freed them.
* Grey Worm: The Unsullied Commander and a no-nonsense badass. When given a chance to take a new name he keeps his slave name because it's the name he had when freed so he considers it lucky. He is completely loyal to Daenerys, considering her his saviour, and in the show, he falls in love with fellow freed-woman, Missandei. This being ASOIAF, however, he can only watch helplessly as his lover is beheaded in front of him by the Mountain. This drives him into a rage, and he eagerly takes part in the sacking of King's Landing in revenge for her death. After the war is over and both Daenerys and Cersei are dead, he takes the Unsullied forces to Naath, in order to fulfil his promise to Missandei that he'd protect her homeland.
* Strong Belwas: A fat but skilled eunuch gladiator. Loves liver and onions and referring to himself in the third person. Travelling companion/guide of Ser Barristan. Has an awesome scene where he beats the champion of Meereen then mocks the Meereenese by taking a shit in their direction and wiping his ass on their dead champion's cloak. Also saves Daenerys from eating poisoned sweets. [[FAIL|Left out of the show]].
* Daario Naharis: A Tyroshi mercenary captain who dyes his hair blue. Betrays his fellow commanders for Daenerys because he loves her as a queen. Fortunately for him, Daenerys loves him back and they pursue a romance for a time, though she doesn't marry him as she's still otherwise smart enough to know she has to save herself for a political marriage. Goes to Yunkai as a hostage in the war on Meereen. Also potentially a shapeshifter, if the show is to be believed.
*Missandei: A young female slave with a remarkable talent for linguistics and one of the more empathetic people in this dark world, Missandei is freed by Daenerys during her campaign to liberate Slaver's Bay, eventually becoming one of her closest confidants and advisers. While a child in the books, in the show Missandei is a grown woman, falls in love with the Unsullied leader Grey Worm, but later is captured by Cersei and beheaded by the zombified Mountain in front of all her friends, but not before telling her friends to burn the Lannisters to ashes.

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'''Maesters'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> More than Scribes, (much) less than Mentats, Maesters serve their highborn lords as intellectual muscle. Maesters serve as doctors, teachers, and scientists, and are educated at The Citadel in Oldtown. They are expected to master a variety of topics, with each topic/level of mastery grants you a chain-link forged in a different type of metal (black iron for ravenry, valyrian steel for magic), and once you hit fifteen links, you can become an ordained Maester. Because of the high costs of their education (and the fact that you need to know how to read), Maesters are often highborn, probably a non-inheriting son or bastard. It is semi-prestigious, with the nerds calling themselves "Knights of the Mind" with all seriousness (and probably with some snickering jocks in the background) but you also don't get much say where you'll be assigned (and if the castle changes hands, you go with it, but it's not unheard of for Maesters to get killed along with everyone else.

A fan theory credits the death of Dragons with the work of Maesters, because the Maesters, as men of medieval "science," have a vested interest in the decline of magic, even though they also offer a <s>bachelor's degree</s> maester's link in "higher mysteries" which they consider to be their equivalent of an english major.
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===Magic and Gods===
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> The world of ASOIAF has various religions and faiths abound, just like in real life. Similarly, they range between fucking awesome to utterly useless. Dissimilarly, some of them have very tangible, undeniable magic powers, although it is said that the magic became stronger after the rebirth of Dragons into the world, and that in the Far East, where people worship [[Lovecraft|Lovecraft references]], that magic is still alive and well, but those are all just rumors.

Blood Magic seems to be the most consistent, with practitioners paying steep prices for magic, while the druidic magic of the Children of the Forest and the Old Gods still hold strong to this day, they just don't have any practitioners left.

Magic and the Afterlife is a theme in the setting as well, most expounded by the faithful of R'hllor: fire is associated with the warmth of life, as well as light; on the other hand, death is associated with cold and darkness; death carries a harsh finality in the series, ''except when it doesn't:'' as they've shown in special cases with those resurrected by R'hllor, rebirth comes with a price, and not everyone comes back ''fully there''.

*[[Ecclesiarchy|The Faith of the Seven]]: The Catholic Church/Church of England stand-in mixed with elements of Hinduism, which gets both sympathetic and unsympathetic characters associated with it (though mostly only in the books for the former). Holds an anti-slavery stance. The god/s are considered seven aspects of one deity with three male aspects (The Smith, the Father, the Warrior), three female aspects (The Maiden, the Mother, the Crone) and a sexless one representing Death, a bit akin to how the Hindu God Vishnu has multiple aspects. The places of worship are called Septs, and their system includes Septons, nun-equivalents called Septas and a Pope equivalent called a High Septon. The High Septons all give up their names when they become one to confuse future historians (and readers).
** High Septon 1 Fatfuck: A fat, greedy man who used the position for personal gain. He ended up being [[Grimdark|torn apart in a riot]], because the people resented that he had enough food to stay fat while they were starving.
** High Septon 2 Lannister Puppet: Successor of High Septon Fatfuck. Chosen by Tyrion so the Faith would be loyal to the Lannisters. Only ''slightly'' corrupt, being a pro-Lannister yes-man. Murdered on Cersei's order in the book, while in the show he's retconned into a whoremonger who gets deposed by the Sparrows (see below).
** High Septon 3/The High Sparrow: Successor of High Septon Lannister Puppet. After the second High Septon shown in the present day of the story died, the smallfolk burst into the meeting to pick a successor and ordered their chosen candidate to be put in charge when his original successor was caught whoremongering. He'd been a wandering preacher beforehand, and his feet were dark and gnarled from lots of walking. When he reaches the position he starts [[gets shit done|getting things done]]. Since he was appointed by a smallfolk religious movement called Sparrows, he's given the moniker "The High Sparrow". The nobility underestimates him, either due to having other matters or disregard for religious people, but he turns out to be smart, well-meaning and somewhat ruthless. Under the High Sparrow, he and the other clergymen sell their fancy clothes and decorations [[Noblebright|replacing them with simple wool tunics, using the money to buy food and clothes for the poor in King's Landing]]. He also has their Knights-Templar-equivalent reformed to [[Inquisition|protect the faithful and help them root out]] [[heresy]] and sin. He also outwits Cersei and has her arrested and tried for all her evil deeds. While Cersei's scheming does lead to Margaery's arrest, Cersei confesses to some crimes while concealing others, leading to Cersei taking a nude walk of penance in front of the entire city. After this, he somewhat reined in the nobles' politicking to actually look after the commoners and the Faith, though this does make some enemies. In the show, while he still talks of helping the Smallfolk, he and the Sparrows are [[C.S Goto|flanderized]] from assorted smallfolk and clergymen tired of the nobles' lawlessness and power plays into one-dimensional stereotypes and thinly-veiled jabs at the Catholic Church [[Imperial Truth|in a shoe-horned anti-religion message]]. While they do arrest Cersei and Margaery like in the books, the High Sparrow's plans all come to nothing, as during the trial most of the Faith, including the High Sparrow himself, get blown to Kingdom Come when Cersei has her agents ignite a massive amount of magical napalm underneath the Great Sept. In the books they're much more like Martin Luther and the Lutherans, except that the Protestant Reformation wins outright.
* [[Old Ones|Old Gods]]: Native American/Japanese Kame/Druid/nature spirits that reside in places called Godswoods. The original practitioners of this faith were the Children of the Forest, non-elf looking Wood Elves, whose magics were responsible for smashing an entire Southern Warhost with tsunamis (leaving only a narrow isthmus between the North and everyone else), the Wall (it was a collaborative effort with humans), and allowing people to look into the past, and (confirmed in the show at least) influence it.
**Their powers are limited to the North, though, where the last remaining Godswoods remain, but they can grant gifted individuals awesome psychic powers like Warging (mind-controlling animals) and Greensight (Time Travel). For some reason, Martin claims they're based off the Norse Gods. Probably has to do with the way the Vikings made sacrifices to their gods, by hanging them in Ash trees, a symbol for the World Tree Yggdrasil. The Weirwood trees are sacred to the followers of the Old Gods in a similar way. Mostly worship of them is quiet and informal.
*R'hllor: The God of Fire and Light, and like the Old Gods, actually shows evidence for existing. [[/tg/ gets shit done|He gets shit done]], being one of the most common faiths East of Westeros, and his priests have powers such as fire magic and motherfucking Resurrection. Has a nasty habit for burning heretics, though. GRRM said this faith is roughly based (read: poorly modelled after) upon Zoroastrianism and Gnosticism. His nemesis is The Great Other: the god of cold and darkness, the leader of the Others, and prophesied to be defeated by the chosen one, or messianic figure: [[Star Child|Azor Ahai/The Prince That Was Promised]], a figure who is the prophesied warrior that will fight with the Great Other/Night's King during the Apocalypse. Interestingly enough, the prophecy may not refer to a single person, but three (Jon, Tyrion/Bran, and Daenerys). Supposedly, one of these three will also receive an [[Emperor's Sword|awesome flaming sword called "Lightbringer"]].
**R'hllor is very popular among the slaves and poor of the East, though Eastern nobles hate him because of that association. It's actually hard-to-tell how many "miracles" ascribed to him are actually real miracles. Stannis, absolute chad though he is, has a sword called "Lightbringer" meant to evoke the mythical one, but Aemon has [[Bullshit|noticed that it doesn't give off any heat]].
**For obvious reasons, they are ''very excited'' that there are Dragons again.
* Him of Many Faces: The god of the Dead of the religion whose followers are the [[Officio Assassinorum|Faceless Men]]. According to his cult of assassins, whom Arya joins, all gods of death are just him: since every religion has a god of death of some sort, he ''must'' be the only one that's real. Of course, your mileage may vary as to whether he's real or not, though his most awesome followers are granted shapeshifting abilities and powers to be the ultimate assassins.
* Drowned God: Cthulhu combined with Odin. Runs an underwater Valhalla were all Ironborn go whey they either if they drowned at sea, the men die a manly death or the women die in childbirth. Probably doesn't exist or he would have done something about Euron Greyjoy... at least in the books. There, Euron is [[Imperial Truth|proudly scornful]] of him, and his brother Aeron fruitlessly and endlessly mutters "no godless man can sit the Seastone Chair". In the show, Euron is perfectly happy to go through the traditional Drownie coronation ritual and Aeron performs it.
* The Night's King: This is completely different depending on whether you prefer the [[oldfag|books]] or [[newfag|show]]. Book version: A long time ago, when the Night's Watch was just barely getting set up, its Lord Commander, the thirteenth in line, decided to climb over the Wall and explore some. While in the woods to the north of the Wall, he found a beautiful [[Monstergirls|Other female]]. He fell in love with her, had [[/d/|sex with her on top of the Wall]], which somehow changed him into an albino version of [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]], and set himself up as King of the Wall, making everyone in the Watch his slaves and sacrificial fodder. Naturally, this didn't sit too well with the Starks and the Wildlings, and so they banded together to free the Watch and kick his ass, which they managed to do successfully. Now everyone thinks him as dead or a myth. Show version: he was the very first White Walker ever created by the Children, and he decided to get back at them by wiping out all life. Also, whilst he was apparently beaten in the ancient past and sealed away behind the Wall, he's still "alive" and well, [[Daemonculaba|turning infant human boys into new White Walkers]]. Also, he can apparently raise up entire legions of undead, just by raising his arms and looking completely smug about it; unlike regular Others, who can just raise up maybe a village at most. Given that he's the resident [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] of the series, it makes sense that he can take down a dragon with seemingly little effort (a simple throw of his spear), and resurrect it to be his personal steed a la Arthas. (Whether that particular nonsense is going to show up in the books is up in the air, it's suitably grimdark and not particularly [[derp]] so it might.) Then he used the dragon to blow a hole in the Wall and begin [[The End Times]] for Westeros. But [[FAIL|dead]], thanks to Arya's magic ninja haxx which let her [[what|kill the BBEG and his entire race and army of zombies ''in one blow.'']]
** The Others/The White Walkers: A mysterious race from beyond the Wall, known to [[newfag|HBO fans]] as "the White Walkers". Can be described as ice demons/snow elves with necromancy. Eight thousand years ago, they invaded Westeros during a decades-long winter (even longer than the usual years-long winters) known as "the Long Night". With an army of undead warriors, they proceeded to fuck Westeros up every which way to [[Sunday]] before the locals finally drove them out, established the Night's Watch, and built the Wall to keep them out. Like all fantasy aspects of ASOIAF, they are very cliched.
**In the TV series, it's revealed that they were created from human captives by "The Children", the pseudo-[[Elf]] fair folk race that lived in Westeros before humanity arrived, as an attempt to create a super-weapon. The idea was since humanity bred faster than the Children could keep up with, they would create icy [[lich]]-creatures that could create [[undead]] soldiers, and these would then wipe out all human life. Instead, it went disastrously wrong because it turned out that the Children actually couldn't control what they'd created, so the Others [[Ork|just want to exterminate '''all''' life.]] In both versions the Night's King is in control.
*'''Other Eastern Magic/Religions''' - The further and further east you go, the more GRRM scatters Lovecraft references to give the world flavour, like the Shadowlands and its cities of oily, black stone, Leng, and [[Deep Ones|fish people]]. They're just references, though, and will likely never be important.
**The Unsullied have their own goddess, the Lady of Spears, [[Slaanesh|whose altar they burn their dicks on as offerings]].
**The slavers worship a harpy goddess and justify their slavery through her.
</div></div>

==Locations==

'''Westeros''': The continent where about 80% of the plot takes place. Scotland in the North, Siberia/Northern Scandinavia beyond the wall, Moorish Spain in the South, with the rest being England as far as climate is concerned, only much, much larger.
*The North: By far the largest of the Seven Kingdoms in size, and the least in population. [[Naggaroth|A rocky, cold and dangerous landscape where life barely tolerable]] ([[Norsca|although it's still preferrable to the eldrich lands beyond the wall]]), sometimes it even snows in summer, giving you a general idea why it's quite a shitty place to be in when compared with the more southern kingdoms. Living in it are the Northmen, culturally an inbetween of Northern English and Scots. Most of them still revere the Old Gods and practice traditions that feel very alien to those living in the south, of the First Men culture before the Andal Invasion, still holding out here and the Iron Islands. It's also damn near unconquerable by conventional means due to the narrow isthmus between it and the south being a noxious swamp; . Its ruling house at the beginning of the Story is House Stark, later House Bolton; Its capital is Winterfell.
*Iron Islands: Large, rocky archipelago off the coast of the North and the Riverlands. Their bleak and inhospitable landscape is the major reason why the Ironmen culture, the other hold out of the First Men culture in Westeros which has the unique blend of only political and not cultural Andal influence and lack of Children of the Forest influence as Weirwoods don't grow on islands and only First Men humans ever lived here during those times, is so centered around pillaging and raiding; you can't grow crops on rock. Does have a decently sized economy based around metal working, but nowhere near enough to support its populace. Their capital is Pyke.
*Riverlands: As the name says, the Riverlands are marked by several large rivers flowing through it and the large fertile valleys surrounding them. The historical whipping boy of the continent after the Andal Invasion took over the old First Men realms (minus the North and the Iron Islands), constantly fought over by the Westerlands, the Stormlands, the Reach, the Iron Islands and the Vale, to the point that it was under Iron Islands rule when Aegon Targaryen unified the continent minus Dorne. Gets buttfucked the hardest during the War of the Five Kings by a metric ton; first by the Mountain carrying out a campaign of terror against the civilian populace on Tywin's orders and second by most of the major fights between the Lannisters and the Starks taking place there. Honestly, after all the fighting, raping and pillaging happening in the Riverlands, one must wonder how many people are actually still left in them. Their ruling house is House Tully (later House Baelish); its Capital is Riverrun (later Harrenhal).
*Vale of Arryn: Mountainous Region east of the Riverlands home to (supposedly) the finest knights in Westeros due to them having constant field practice in crushing rebellion after rebellion of the native <s>Irish</s> Mountain Tribes (think Forsworn from Skyrim, only a lot more foul-mouthed) and having an absolute abundance of tiny territories to give out. The population lives more densely packed in the few large cities and townships that exist here due and traversing them is dangerous. Its ruling house is House Arryn, its capital The Eyrie, '''the''' hardest castle to take in Westeros as it is built on a mountaintop. Gulltown, one of the cities of Westeros, is the main economic hub.
*Westerlands: The second-smallest Kingdom in size but by far the richest due to its abundance of Gold and Silver Mines. Has a proud tradition of fucking everyone over by the means of money, politics or both combined. Also has a substantial importance as a major trading and naval hub in the city of Lannisport, which is the largest port on the western side of the continent. Its ruling house is House Lannister, its capital Casterly Rock. Casterly Rock was the capital of the old Kings, House Casterly, which was outsmarted by [[Lukas the Trickster|Lann the Clever]], who married the last surviving daughter and founded House Lannister.
*Crownlands: The lands directly controlled by the Iron Throne, surrounding a big bay, with a rather pleasant, mild climate. Centered around the capital King's Landing, which gets an entry of its own. Its ruling house is always the house of the current kings. Formerly divided between the Riverlands and the Stormlands.
**King's Landing: The capital of the seven kingdoms and by far its largest city. It houses every important institution on the continent, most importantly the Red Keep, where the King of the Seven Kingdoms resides and the Great Sept of Baelor, the religious center of the Faith of the Seven. Aside from the Red Keep and the Great Sept, a filth ridden, downtrodden shithole that is rife with poverty and criminals whereever you may set foot; the City Guard is openly corrupt and acts more like a government-approved gang of thugs. It seems to be something of an unofficial sport among all chacters in the books to never say anything good the city. Architecturally described like Medieval London, at the size of 1600s Paris.
*The Reach: The second-largest of the Seven Kingdoms, and the most populous. Its wide plains, dominated by fields and plantings serve as the breadbasket of the Seven Kingdoms. Also home to the oldest city in Westeros, Oldtown, which in turn is home to the Citadel of the Maesters. Its ruling house is Tyrell, its capital Highgarden. House Tyrell is matrilineally descended from Garth Greenhand like many other houses. The old ruling family, House Gardener, Garth's direct descendants, was wiped out when Aegon unleashed his dragons, with the then Lord of House Tyrell (at this point permanent stewards to House Gardener), was placed in control as he was married to the last Gardener female.
*Stormlands: The lands of House Baratheon, a mix of forested mountains and steep, stony shores: so-named for the very frequent storms that batter its coast. The weather here is so bad, their capital is known as Storm's End because all previous castles were destroyed by the weather, so this one had to be built <s>by a competent Northman architect</s> with magic. In spite of the dangerously bad weather, the area can be quite beautiful when not being battered by the elements. The Baratheons are descended from a loyal general who served the original Aegon, who was also rumored to be his half-brother. After Robert ascended the throne, control of the Stormlands was left to his youngest brother, Renly, while the middle-brother, Stannis, was assigned to guard Robert's back on the much-smaller, less prestigious island of Dragonestone.
*Dorne: The southernmost region of Westeros and the hottest (in more ways than just temperature), consists of rocky deserts in its center and lush, meditterrean areas on its coasts. The Dornish people differ a lot from other Westerosi in ethnicity and culture and have a different origin, that of the migrating Rhoynar people interbreeding with the then relatively isolated local Westerosi. [[Dune|Dorne was also the only Kingdom to successfully resist conquest by the Targaryens]] and was only brought into the fold through political marriages, and their rulers retain the title of Prince (the Rhoynar and the local Westerosi don't use king or queen, they use prince or princess), not afforded to anyone else not of the Royal Family. Its ruling house is Martell, its capital Sunspear.
*The Wall: A wall of ice of gargantuan proportions erected by the First Men to protect themselves against the Others/White Walkers long ago that marks the nothern border of Westeros proper and runs across it from west to east for three hundred miles. In the times when the Night's Watch was under full strength, it was an impenetrable fortification against anything that might dare to cross it, not just because of its sheer dimensions, but also the implication that the wall itself is reinforced by eldrich magic keeping the horrors beyond the wall at bay via unnatural means. Nowadays only three of its 19 keeps are permanently manned, leaving wide gaps in the Night's Watch defense against Wildlings, who sometimes climb over it to raid the South. The Night King tears a hole into it with one of Daenerys' Dragons in the final episode of season 7, allowing him and his undead army to pass through.
*Beyond-the-Wall:
**Craster's Keep: Not really a "keep" but the [[GRIMDARK|home of a man who fucks his own daughters and offers his sons to the Others]]. He is one of the very few "independent" wildlings and offers use of his home to the Night's Watch when they go off on scouting expeditions. Because it's full of servile (inbred) women, the men of the Night's Watch mutiny and take it over.
**Thenn: The name of both the land and its people, the Thenn consider themselves to be the ''true'' "last of the First Men," because they have laws and lords compared to the anarchist free-for-all of the other Free Folk; they don't speak common, they can actually smith, and they treat the "Magnar," the title of their king, like a god. In the show, they're just shown to be a bunch of scarred barbarians.
**Lands of Always Winter: The furthest north people have ever gone and have been able to come back from, the Lands are perpetually frozen, and the Others are said to come from here. Clearly, if you head far enough North, you'll hit a Chaos Rift and end up in the Warp.

'''The Stepstones''': Formerly a solid land bridge between Westeros and Essos, it was brought down by Children of the Forest magic in a failed attempt to stop the First Men invasion. Now an archipelago of islands infested by various ne'er-do-wells.

'''Essos''': A huge landmess (no, not a typo) about southeast of Westeros and home to many independent city-states west of the big mountain range. Generally agreed upon to be largely desolate wilderness sprinkled in with the occasional kingdoms that seem exotic and alien to Westerosi. Most of its western half used to be the center of power of the legendary Valyrian Freehold, with the Free Cities being colonies of them that survived the downfall of the Valyrian Empire hundreds of years ago. The exceptions are Slaver's Bay, conquered by the Valyrians before regaining independence after the Freehold's collapse, Qarth, Ib and some of the others.
*Old Valyria: The former center of the [[Roman Empire|all-powerful free state that ruled over most of Essos at its peak and posessed magic and technology, as well as dragons to keep control over it.]] Valyrias strength was legendary, so much so in fact that the downfall of it still influences politics in the world centuries after it occured. No one quite knows why Valyria fell, the only certain thing is that it was plagued by a sudden series of natural disasters that all but destroyed its homelands and left it in ruin. Valyrian culture only survived in bastardized forms in the Free Cities and, prior to their extinction, House Targaryen in Westeros. The ruins of Valyria are said to cursed and avoided by all but the most desperate of travelers. Traveling through Valyria is similar to sailing through the [[Eye of Terror]]: not only are you dealing with dangerous seas (''boiling seas'' akin to underwater tectonic activity), but also fucking [[daemons]], and [[Gellerpox Infected|parasitic plagues]].
*Free Cities: There are 9 city-states on the Western Half of Essos. 8 are former Valyrian colonies, with Braavos being the notable exception to most of the things they have in common. What ties them all together is that they're all connected by trade and feudalism isn't such a big thing here, which also makes their culture remarkably different from the Westerosi. Westerosi tend to view them as greedy opportunists while the Free Cities in turn view Westerosi as ignorant morons at best and backwards savages at worst. If you were going to have a setting based on ASOIAF and didn't want to spend the entire time shitting in the dirt or bleeding out in a ditch for some inbred noble, this is where you'd want to be:
**Braavos: The only one of the nine free cities to not be a Valyrian Colony (excepting the other countries like Qarth and Ib, who don't count among the nine). It was founded by Slaves that escaped their overlord in a marsh on the northernmost tip of Essos. It is mainly known for its massive port and the Iron Bank of Braavos, the biggest bank in the world. It also houses the House of Black and White, the central temple and headquarters of the Faceless Men.
**Pentos: Another large trading port on the western edge of Essos. It serves as the major trading hub between Westeros and the rest of Essos.
**Lys: Located on an island off the coast of Essos. Founded as a resort for Freeholders, it has the largest population with the Valyrian phenotype in the known world. A decadent city whose most famous export are prostitutes.
**Myr: The women here are hot, considering how often Westerosi seem to come back with wives from here. Other than that, its only notable feature is its forever-war with Lys and Tyrosh.
**Norvos: They make really good bodyguards that are taught to see their [[Executioners|axes as their waifus]].
**Qohor: Not much is known about them, except one of the brutal mercenary companies is from here, and they worship the [[Lovecraft|Black Goat.]]
**Tyrosh: Greedy slavers. Not really notable, except they're one-third of the constant warfare of the Disputed Lands along with Lys and Myr and for being extremely flamboyant.
**Volantis: The crown jewel, first colony of the Freehold and considers itself the successor state to the Freehold.
**Lorath: No, they don't speak for the trees. Lorath is the poorest of the Free Cities, and not much is known about them. Its most notable feature are the underground labyrinths that dot the island and which predate the Valyrians. Typical of Martin, the Labyrinths and a similar cult in Essos (the cult of the Pattern) are a reference to someone else's work, [[Dick|but no, he doesn't like fanfiction]].
*Ghiscari Empire and Slavers Bay: To the East of Valyria and the Free Cities, these cities pre-date Valyria. Before they were conquered, they had their own empire and worshiped the Harpy. Nowadays, they trade with the Dothraki, exchanging tribute for slaves, which they then market to the rest of the World. Vaguely the [[Middle East]] of ASOIAF. They are: Old Ghis, New Ghis, Astapor, Yunkai, and Meereen. In the books, Dany is stuck here trying to manage the clusterfuck that is deslaverizing these lands. Currently locked in a brutal war where the newly-freed slaves are either fighting the surviving slaver-nobles, other cities, or each other.
*Qarth: What separates the "East" from the "Far East." It's to the West of Slaver Bay and East of not!China/Japan, so any traffic between the Free Cities, Slaver's bay, and them, requires them to pass through Qarth. Home to a bunch of fucking weirdo Orientalist tropes that vie for power: The Pureborn, the noble descendants of ancient Qaathi Kings and Queens that fled the sacking of their cities to Qarth, so hold no real power beyond their titles; the Ancient Guild of Spicers (it's in the name); the Thirteen, ''another'' group of Merchants; the Tourmaline Brotherhood (more merchants!). Qarth is also the location of the House of the Undying, a group of Warlocks that drink "shade-of-the-evening," which is pretty much [[Dune|Spice from Dune]], but made from trees and not wormshit; the House of the Undying and most of its Warlocks were burnt down by Dany's dragons after they tried to steal them; they sent out some guys for revenge, but they ran into Euron where he promptly murdered them all and took their <s>spice</s> <s>nightshade</s> shade-of-the-evening. Functionally Singapore, but with a more Indo-Persian aesthetic.
*Rhoyne: Destroyed former city of the Rhoynar, who fled the Valyrian Freehold and migrated to Dorne. The former capital is currently infested by Stone-Men, Greyscale survivors who have gone feral.
*Ib: not!Dwarfs, but described more like Neanderthals than Nordic shorties. They're [[squat]], barrel-chested, with thick wiry black hair, heavy sloping eye brows and square-teeth of neanderthals, They're also incredibly hairy, and even their women have facial hair., Instead of digging holes in mountains, they travel the sees in equally-stocky whaling ships. They tend to keep to themselves, [[Meme|but are natural sailors, suitable for long voyages]].
*The Dothraki Sea: Not a sea, but the name for the not!Eurasian Plains. Before the Freehold collapsed and the Dothraki tribesmen took advantage of the chaos of the Century of Blood to conquer it and burn down all but one of the old Qaathi cities (with only Qarth itself surviving) and most of the old Kingdom of Sarnor along with other minor cities, it was known as the Great Grass Sea.
**Vaes Dothrak: The capital and only permanent Dothraki settlement. It is forbidden to carry weapons or spill blood here (doesn't mean you can't kill through other means).
*Golden Empire of Yi Ti: Not!China, with a mysterious history and pattern of legends eerily-similar to Westeros' own. Like China, has a long history of Emperors, each dynasty progressively ruling over smaller, weaker empires. The current dynasty is actually so weak, they're not taken seriously outside their capital.
**The Five Forts: In the not!Chinese version of the Long Winter/Long Night, the Empire of Yi Ti was cast into a long night that never ended, where the evil Lion of the Night was unleashed by the Bloodstone Emperor. He was beat back by the Lord of Light/Hyrkoon the Hero/but the name that the Yi Ti know him by was never stated. Just like the Wall in Westeros, the Five Forts were said to be erected by a great Emperor soon after to make sure the crisis never happens again. Just like Westeros, the Five Forts have waned in importance, now only protecting the Yi Ti from barbarians. The Five Forts are said to be made from a material of "fused black stone," similar in description to many ancient ruins all over the setting. Harrenhal is also described similarly, but Harrenhal was stone melted by dragonfire, so the idea that the Five Forts was made with the aid of dragons and/or magic has been floated by fans.
*The Jogos Nhai: not!Mongols, but they ride Zebras and are literally cone-heads.
*Asshai-by-the-Shadow: Further-Further-East, it may as well be mythic. The city of Asshai is depressingly gloomy, the entire city is composed of dark black towers made of fused, black stone that seems to "drink the light."

The South:
'''Summer Isles''': Think Avelorn, but Black. An archipelago to the Far South of Westeros, everything here is pretty idyllic. War is very formalized, prostitution is a religious rite, [[meme|there are no white people]], it's practically paradise. A deposed prince was sent to exile in Westeros and had been trying to get Robert to make the journey south to put him back on the throne, but no one really took him seriously.

'''Sothoryos''': [[Lustria|Jungle hell]].
*Yeen: Made of the same creepy black metal in Stygai, implied to be an old Empire of the Dawn Outpost. Even the death world jungle (as in, not just the animals, the actual jungle itself) refuses to go in there for fear of dying.

'''Ulthos''': not!Australia, and has absolutely no lore. Seriously, GRRM has literally never mentioned it except in relation to another place that also has no lore. It's a passing mention that his obsessive fans took note of, and when they literally helped wrote the setting book for him, their guess became canon.

==The appeal of A Song of Ice And Fire==
Exactly what catches the eyes of [[Skub|a given fan/critic/lout who complains about how bad it is anytime the show is mentioned within earshot]] to ASOIAF and its TV adaptation varies from individual to individual. Still, there's a couple of major draws.

'''The Worldbuilding:''' The main reason why this series gets compared to [[The Lord of the Rings]], ASOIAF is literally ''drowning'' under the weight of its worldbuilding, being crammed as full of facts about fictitious regions, histories, cultures, dynasties and races as GRRM can fit it. Your mileage will vary on how ''good'' that info is, but there's plenty of info in it. It is worth noting that much of the vagueness of various aspects of the world's lore comes down to the limited perspectives of each of the characters' point of view, so many places and events are often only known partially through superstition, rumors, and often second hand experiences passed down and muddled over time; all of which play quite heavily into the overall story structure of the series.

'''A vast colorful Cast:''' A lot of works of fantasy get by with a few archetypal characters (the Young Guy out to Prove themself, the Wise Wizard, the Dark Lord, the Mischievous One, the Grizzled Veteran, the Princess, the Dwarf, etc) and maybe a guy or two which rises above this. A Song of Ice and Fire has dozens of viewpoint characters and a hundreds of secondaries each with different situations, drives, motives and quirks that make them reasonably interesting. Even if you don't like one or some of them, there are plenty of others. When they die, it often hits home. Speaking of which...

'''Mainstream [[Dark Fantasy]]:''' Dark Fantasy is not exactly a mainstream niche. ASOIAF stands out by deliberately trying to market itself to the mainstream, despite embracing an abundance of dark fantasy tropes; gratuitous violence, sexuality and sexual violence, moral ambiguity, political intrigue, and a willingness to suddenly kill off any character, even the most likeable or heroic of them.

'''[[Low Fantasy]]:''' On the surface, ASOIAF is an old-school Low Fantasy setting, being a medieval-tech world with the story openly focused on the mundane lives of people struggling for political power and though supernatural elements do exist, they tend to be used sparingly.

'''[[High Fantasy]]:''' But if you scratch the surface, ASOIAF is also a High Fantasy setting, which is always the more marketable of the two, with the big backstory about how the world is facing impending doom from an army of wintery [[fey]] and their [[undead]] minions. There are also non-evil higher powers working against them, but they get swept under the rug in the show. Also, [[dragon]]s. As the more marketable genre, it's also inevitably the more skubby one, for whatever that's worth.

'''[[Magical Realm|Gratuitous Sexuality]]:''' More a thing for the TV show than the books; GRRM's scenes were [[Rape|raepy]] in the earlier volumes, and apparently our boy must have overheard the nickname "George Rape Rape Martin (I ''Like'' Rape)", because he dialed back the forced boning in #4-5. The frequent scenes of nudity and sex in the early seasons of the show were a ''big'' selling point for many people (the casting of people from the sex industry for some of these scenes also helped).

'''Not much in terms of generic fantasy tropes:''' Hate how almost every fantasy just has to have things popularized by Tolkien such as elves, dwarves, orcs and all that stuff? You're in luck because ASOIAF doesn't have a "five races" system, their accompanying stereotypes or the plot hinging on a magic item. On the other hand, it does have several generic fantasy tropes, such as [[dragon]]s, [[Medieval Stasis]], [[undead]] and at least two contenders for [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] status, so if you hate them too, well...

'''Lots of Houses and Sigils''': OK, so this is sort of a joke...except not completely. For those who are artistically minded and love coming up with their own OC groups and/or fleshing out minor characters, this setting really does invite it with the absolutely insane number of houses [[Space Marines|that each have their own distinct logo/color-scheme combo]].

==Oh Yeah, About The TV Show==
[[image:KnightsWhoSayFuck.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Yeah, pretty much.]]

{{Skubby}}

After the first three books became hits, many Hollywood producers and directors had come to the sadistic neckbeard, asking him about making a movie adaptation. At first, he was reluctant at best, due to the fact that a lot of his content would've been cut out to fit into a movie trilogy (see the Lord of the Rings live-action films). Then, a couple of dudes, David Benioff and D.B/Daniel Brett Weiss (AKA D&D, or more accurately as of the final season, Dumb & Dumber), decided to contact him and asked him at a local restaurant about turning ASOIAF into a Television show produced by HBO, the top-rated soft-core porno channel. The story goes that George asked them a very specific question (Who is Jon Snow's mother?). Satisfied with the response they gave, he gave them permission to start work on the show, which would be titled after the first book, ''Game of Thrones''. They would later go on to prove that this is not a good way of choosing who should adapt your work.

The television show casts several well-known performers, such as Sean Bean as Eddard, Peter Dinklage as Tyrion, Lena Headey as Cersei, and Charles Dance as Tywin. They have also cast some comparatively less well-known actors and even ones new to cinema, such as Sophie Turner (Sansa), Maisie Williams (Arya), Kit Harington (Jon), Iwan Rheon (Ramsay), Alfie Allen (Theon), and Richard Madden (Robb)

Thus, book snobs seem to think that every episode post-season 4 is nothing more than Emmy-bait. Regardless of the fact Kit Harington still [[Fail|doesn't have an Emmy]], there's a valid contention in that regard, with the number of liberties taken overshadowing the initial appeal.

The final season (more on that below) was eventually revealed to be such a train wreck because Dumb & Dumber did not want to work on the series anymore and had let the success with the earlier seasons go to their heads. In their arrogance, instead of handing the reins to someone else, they decided to plan out their own ending and use it as an audition to Disney so they could write for Star Wars. By then, they'd run out of books to adapt, there was no superior writing for them to leech off of and there was no one to gainsay them in their echo chamber of a writer's room (even George himself was cut out). The result was absolutely shit writing that caused a glorious breakage in the [[skub]] dam that left [[Butthurt|many a fan's anus weeping]] (provided they weren't early seasons fans, book series fans, or any of the other assorted onlookers [[Lulz|taking part in the mightiest of keks]]) and, if anything proved <s>George's </s> Ramsay's quote at the beginning of the article true. Goddamn Dumb & Dumber, could you talentless Derp machines do any worse if you tried? Luckily, comeuppance came after them and Disney, having some sense, told them to fuck off with their [[Star Wars]] ideas after the backlash towards the final season. Not that Disney Star Wars has been without its share of controversy and [[Rage]], but you know it's bad when someone gets told to piss off from even that.

The Greatest Irony and Tragedy of the show's writing was that in the first few seasons, with George RR Martin consulting them and with a wealth of material from the first few books to work with, D&D were actually pretty damn good at adapting the books into a TV format. In fact, quite a few scenes were in fact not only adapted, but actually created from scratch outside of the source material. One of the most noteworthy is the iconic introduction of Tywin Lannister in Season 1 Episode 7, where we learn everything we need to know about his character with nothing but precisely chosen dialogue and a rather blunt visual metaphor of him gutting a stag he slew in a hunt, all while brutally laying into Season 1's initially perceived villain, Jaime. Contrast this with Season 5 where the show's major decline began with blunders such as the omission of fan-favorite Lady Stoneheart, literally butchering the Dorne subplot with Martell family team-killing and changing the Sparrows' movement to a militant atheist's stereotype of religion. This decline makes a lot more sense after George himself admitted that Season 5 was the first Season where he was was really locked out of the loop.

Goes to show how much they had fallen when the well ran dry and the show' writing and adaptation process was no longer the finely honed instrument it had started as.

'''TL;DR'''

[[GM|Producers Dumb&Dumber-style change characters and railroad the plot at a whim,]] [[/d/M|the tits and ultraviolence spigot is opened even wider than the books,]] and most scenes are made for the actors to show off their skills at making their signature angry/murder/brooding/etc. faces, and wrapped it up with a season of TV soon to be discussed that even Matt Ward would be 100% justified in pointing and laughing at. Seasons 1-4 are worth your time, 7 and 8 are best ignored, and 5 and 6 are the [[Skub]] ones.

===The Final <s>Dumpster Fire</s> Season===
{{Fail}}
{{HurfDurf}}
{{Plot Armour}}

{{Topquote|If you try to do something fancy with your ending and you screw up, your audience will probably remember the botched ending more than the well run marathon|JP from Terrible Writing Advice (and advice Dumb and Dumber obviously didn't heed}})

Seasons 5, 6, and especially 7 all got their share of grief from people. Mostly deserved in the case of Season 7 and [[Skub|arguably so]] for 5 and 6 (though the latter did at least finally give Ramsay his just desserts, most of the problems that cropped up in 5 and 6 happened when the show passed the book in particular plotlines and mostly served as an early warning, 7 is when things started getting criticized in general rather than individual plots or details). Season 8 though? Well, read on:

The Final Season kicks off with the Night King's army attacking Winterfell in a battle meant to be epic, but instead so chock full of tactical [[Fail|fails]] from the living, they make General Custer look like Sun Tzu. The most infamous examples include Melisandre's powers being underutilized, putting soldiers in front of trenches/walls they should be behind/standing on, no flanking charges and hiding the non-combatants in a crypt while fighting necromancers. The battle is resolved when Arya teleports directly to the BBEG and kills him with some sleight-of-hand that destroys his entire army Keystone Army trope-style and ends the winter. Also Theon, Jorah and Melisandre die, but the story sweeps their deaths under the rug like they're nameless background characters.

Then the Westerosi go full-retard and start hating Daenerys. Yes really; Dany helped end a nation-destroying winter plus a zombie apocalypse, has a claim to the throne AND is their best ally against Cersei... but they want her gone. Even Sansa suddenly turns against Dany and starts seeking the throne, despite having no claim to the rest of Westeros and Dany being easily able to kill her for treason. Everyone inexplicably starts wanting Jon to be king despite his attempt to abdicate, and Jon himself even starts thinking Aunt Daenerys might be a bad queen... but that doesn't stop him from [[Incest Smith|starting a sexual relationship with her]]. The fact that Robert's bastard son Gendry is now a lord, giving him a claim to the throne at least as strong as Dany's or Jon's, is swept under the rug. Varys also jumps ship from Dany to Jon for no reason, even trying to kill Dany in an uncharacteristically stupid move. For his efforts, Tyrion reports Varys to Daenerys, who has Varys executed by Drogon's fire-breath.

Then Daenerys press-gangs people who should logically be happy to fight for her into an army to attack King's Landing and brings them there by sea. Along the way Rhaegal, one of Daenerys' two surviving dragons, is killed by ballistae from Euron's ships. This is despite the facts that Daenerys and her dragons should've easily been able to spot the ships, they were flying well out of ballista range and Euron had no way of knowing where they'd be. After Daenerys and Drogon single-handedly destroy the Iron Fleet (amid poorly animated weather*), they reach King's Landing. Cersei's artillery does nothing despite Daenerys, all her advisors and her dragon being within lethal range plus Cersei's lack of scruples. They in turn do nothing but watch Daenerys' friend Missandei, who was captured offscreen earlier, get executed by zombie-Gregor (despite the fact Cersei and co. had no reason to believe Missandei was anyone of import to either capture or execute. Maybe someone left a copy of the script in Cersei's solar next to her Starbucks latte**)

The battle for King's Landing has Daenerys' forces break in and battle through the streets. Meanwhile Jaime snuck though the tunnels [[Fail|to find and reconcile with Cersei. The Hound regresses to his old violent self and tracks down zombie-Gregor to take him down in a battle that kills them both (although most consider this the one bright spot in the episode). Arya gives up on revenge and decides to let Cersei go despite having strong non-revenge-related reasons to kill her]]. The famed Golden Company is quickly killed off and Cersei signals a surrender by ringing the bells (the bells aren't, and have never been, signals for surrender). Then, in the capstone of bad writing for this season, Daenerys' switch flips from good to evil because the writers want it to happen, and Dany abandons her plan of freeing and leading Westeros to purging King's Landing with her dragon and army. Cersei and Jamie die together in a cave-in and Tyrion mourns their deaths despite being ready and eager to personally kill Cersei earlier. This is followed by Dany's Saruman/Hitler-esque speech that has nothing to do with her former character. Tyrion is arrested for criticizing Daenerys by saying "If this is liberation, I don't believe in liberation theology." Yes, [[Derp|the writers think theology and ideology are the same thing]] (an unsurprising mistake, given they shoehorned in anti-religious rants for the past three Seasons despite the books' even-handedness). This last one has proven to be its own personal bit of Skub, as many have argued that Daenerys going evil is in keeping with the cynical themes and tone of the setting. While this isn't wrong on its face, it does nothing to change the fact that the execution is 100% half-assed. Walter White's descent into villainy this is not, or even Anakin's arc in the Star Wars Prequels, which looks like The Godfather compared to what Season 8 does with Daenerys.

In the aftermath, Jon assassinates Daenerys for the King's Landing massacre... [[Derp|right in front of her dragon]]. Drogon, due to Jon's stronger-than-Valyrian-steel-plot-armor, doesn't kill him but melts the Iron Throne ([[What|accidentally according to the showrunners]]) while chucking a tantrum before grabbing Dany's body and flying away. Jon is somehow charged with Dany's murder despite there being no evidence that he did it, but surprisingly none of the surviving characters still loyal to Dany try to kill Jon (such as the Unsullied or the Dothraki). Despite there being several legitimate choices of king still available, including Gendry, the nobles decide to replace a dynastic monarchy with an elective one and make Bran king. Bran is nominated by Tyrion for a nonsensical reason ("he has the best story"), Tyrion somehow getting a say in the meeting despite being imprisoned for treason.

The Unsullied go to Southros under command of Grey Worm (the only one who still has a personality at this point). The Dothraki are forgotten about by everyone else. Tyrion is freed and made Hand of the King to Brann. Brienne is made Commander of the Kingsguard. [[Derp|Bronn is made Master of Coin (and Lord of Highgarden) despite him not knowing how financial loans work. Gendry is completely forgotten. Samwell is made the new Grand Maester]] and [[What|the North secedes and becomes independent under Queen Sansa (which definitely wouldn't cause future problems and tensions)]]. [[The Lord of the Rings|Arya sails to the West]] for some unknown reason and Jon is exiled but doesn't care because he gets to go back up north with the Wildings like he wanted. The end.

This trainwreck of a plot is a testament to how two morons can royally fuck up a show beyond any redeeming qualities the cast and crew can put forward. And even then there were screw-ups among the production staff, such as *the animators being unable to decide whether the sky is sunny or overcast when Dany and Drogon destroy the Iron Fleet - which mattered because Dany's plan to not get shot down involved having the sun behind her - and **not removing the actors' water bottles and coffee cups from the set before shooting. Hyperbole is sort of the norm here, but it really is hard to overstate how badly Season 8's finale fucks up. Game of Thrones was ''everywhere'' culturally for most of the 2010s, drawing in huge numbers of people who would otherwise never be caught dead indulging in High Fantasy works with us uber-nerds. Now, the entire Thrones fandom has practically disappeared or gone underground. Honestly, it would be an impressive achievement if it weren't so terrible.

==House of the Dragon: The ''other'' TV show==

{{Topquote|If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again.|Benjamin Franklin [[Star Wars:Rebels|(and also Maul when trying to kill Kanan)]]}}

Deciding that there was still a market for Game of Thrones stuff even after the last season turned the 2010s biggest pop-culture phenomenon into a laughingstock*, HBO bet the bank on some spin-offs, the first of which is now upon us. House of the Dragon is a prequel dealing with the Dance of Dragons, a civil war between two Targaryen factions that ends up consuming Westeros and everyone in it World-War style, and featuring lots of dragons fighting dragons and the standard Westeros fare of fairly bad people doing extremely bad things. Like Game of Thrones before it, it boasts a star-studded cast, a big budget, and a lot of hype. Time will tell if it redeems the failures of the original show or repeats them. If there's a reason to be optimistic (aside from Dumb and Dumber being absent), it would be that the whole story of the Dance of Dragons is written and mapped out, meaning the writers don't have to come up with their own shit to make an ending that George hasn't yet written. Has gotten off to a strong start, so there's the hope that it will be able to redeem the legacy GoT's last two seasons absolutely ruined.

*Given that the premiere was apparently so widely watched it crashed the streaming for many people, they might actually be right.

Ultimately, with Martin having more oversight over the writing of this series, and director Miguel Sapochnik actually having a passion for the setting and genre rather than just answering a mystery question to GRRM's satisfaction, the current 6 episodes have seen sky high bumps in both HBO viewership and rave reviews. The slow burn over years as the characters inch closer towards disaster has left the majority of viewers on a palpable knife's edge so far. By the time the 1st season wrapped up, the show had garnered enough praise and profit to warrant the green light by HBO for work on the next season, with out of the park critical and commercial praise, in most cases surpassing its Amazon LOTR contemporary ''Rings of Power'' with just a third of the budget per episode. In fact, George Martin was so moved by the performance of Paddy Considine as King Viserys Targaryen, that he stated that he wished he could tear out all that he wrote about the character in his books and rewrite it to match the show version.

==GRRM and [[Your Dudes]]==
Want to make your own ASoIF setting for a role-playing game? Well, readers have enough room to fantasize about their own minor noble House (or kingdom during the Age of the Hundred Kingdoms).

A good example of what you could do is the House from the old [[/v/|"Telltale Game of Thrones"]], House Forrester. Their relationship to the canon is as follows:

House Forrester (lords of someplace in the Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Glover (overall lords of the entire Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Stark (rulers of the North).

[[Fantasy Flight Games]] had a very brief tie-in making those annoying attention-sucking Facebook games, way back when FFG did that sort of thing. Just goes to show how even the other guys [[Games Workshop|will do anything for money]].

There's also an actual tie-in tabletop RPG now, which uses its own system and looks kind of like [[Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay]] with a heavy helping of resource-management strategy feel.
Players are assuming the role of a minor House to guide to glory, or, more accurately given the setting we're in, NOT to ruin utterly in a season or two, which would still be more than many A-list players mustered in canon. Each PC has a specific position within said House, and only the role of official Head is mandatory; the rest could be wife/children/brothers and sisters/all other kinds of siblings, bastards (with rules for obtaining the legitimate recognition), maesters, sworn/subservient knights, or most of anybody else. This naturally opens up near-infinite possibilities for families screwed up seven ways to high heavens, which would make Lannister's brand of infighting-slash-inbreeding look as sane as the High Septon.

The setting is also ill-suited for "adventures in Westeros" style of gaming for two reasons:
#In the grim darkness of low fantasy, a roaming nobody with no banner to talk about, no House allegiance, no nothing isn't generally treated to a Tavern With Quest Givers, but rather more to a Tavern Where You Are Shanked For Your Sword And Boots And Dumped At The Nearest Forest. Heck, even the big wheelers and dealers are routinely seen invited to the latter when they are slow to properly introduce themselves.
#Working on your initially-puny House will quite realistically involve thy neighbours first and foremost, then liege lords from the higher House yours is sworn to, and on occasion shopping around for an advantageous marriage - there simply ain't gonna be that much spare time to "travel to see places". Both of these are also why tourism wasn't a very popular pastime in medieval Europe (aside from Pilgrimages to Jerusalem, Cologne and Santiago de Compostela) and why those who were "living on the road" usually enjoyed the lowest social standing.

A note to aspiring Lords: do NOT, under any circumstances, allow your "combat-optimized" siblings an unsupervised minute in a social setting. Game's "social combat" system is a thing more brutal than the physical one, and it takes a socially-optimized character all of a few minutes to mindfuck one who is not (read: everyone but dedicated diplomats and Heads of the Houses, and not every one of the latter, to boot, as illustrated by several amazing boneheads in canon) into believing pretty much anything short of Grumpkins and Snarks. Stupid NPCs or a stupid GM will make said mindfuck obvious, allowing you to "mindfuck 'em back" without abuse of OOC info; cunning ones will not.

On a side-note; GRRM is said to take a dim view of fanfiction, saying it kills creative ability. This is kind of a double-edged statement, since a lot of George's characters here are either rehashes of his characters from previous works, references to other fictional characters (like Littlefinger and Samwell being based on Jay Gatsby and [[The Lord of the Rings|Samwise Gamgee]]), walking tropes (such as Ned Stark and Robb Stark being the "[[TVTropes|Honor Before ]] [[Lawful Stupid|Reason]]" characters) or historical references (such House Lannister ripping off House Lancaster and House Tyrell being totally-not-House-Tudor - to the point that Margaery Tyrell is played by Natalie Dormer from "The Tudors" TV show). While this makes everything he wrote just another...fanfiction, and his disapproval hypocritical. Still, given the "creative" output of the average neckbeard, he's perhaps not entirely wrong. For another layer of irony/hypocrisy, he sold the rights to make a TV series of the books to HBO, who's adaptation would eventually devolve into a glorified fanfic.

==Games==
[[image:AGot-2nd-ed-cardfan.png|thumb|250px]]
Like any fantasy author who finds themselves unexpectedly in the warm embrace of commercial success, Martin quickly licensed the shit out of his setting; spawning everything from resin miniatures to replica great swords. While most of this is worthless junk to foist on [[Neckbeard|obsessive fanboys]] /tg/ has agreed that a few of the games are made of win. The first two are a collectable [[CCG|card game]] put out in 2002 by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] and a [[Risk]]-esque board game that followed shortly after in 2003. One of [[White Wolf]]'s subsidiaries also put out a [[d20 System|d20 RPG]] in 2005 but it quickly tanked because, come on, [[White Wolf]]. Martin since wrested the rights back and developed a new version with [[Green Ronin Games]].

Now let's have some serious talks about the Game of Thrones games, because they have become some sort of endless source of [[Skub|amusement and frustration]] for the gaming fanbase. Game of Thrones is, roughly speaking, the second franchise with the most licensed board games, after [[Star Wars]]. Some of them have acquired quite a legendary status and a fanbase that goes beyond the book or series fans.

The great juggernaut for all the ASOIAF-based games is [[Fantasy Flight Games]]:
* First and foremost we have [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-the-board-game-second-edition/ ''A Game of Thrones: The Board Game'']: a game that after two editions still ranks high in /bgg/'s top 100, and has recently had an expansion. The board game has become some sort of meme for the modern board gamers and it could be considered the equivalent of a more advanced [[Risk]], in which dice and blank character got replaced by a very flavourful and brutal combat system and a lot of thematical mechanics fueling the engine. Overall this game has been associated with concepts such as requiring maximum player count to really be entertaining, having an amazing amount of length and depth and being a very faithful representation of the political feeling the series inspired. Almost any boardgamer or wargamer worth his salt has played this game and enjoyed its highs, its lows and the amazing amount of frustrations it brings. This is probably the most well known of all the ASOIAF games and it was released way before Game of Thrones was a cultural phenomenon back in 2003.<br>
:It also has a digital edition, sold on Steam and Android

* Another game that bears mention, both for its excellent mechanics and its historical significance is [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-the-card-game-second-edition/ A Game of Thrones: The Card Game]. It is one of the most balanced card game experiences you can get, also full of flavour and with quite a great amount of balance and non-linear thinking. The best part is, unlike certain other popular card games, the game follows the living card game format: players know exactly what each booster pack brings and can buy cards in a more responsible manner, rather than playing bingo and hoping to get a rare card. Also, the sole core set already provides more replayability than some fully-fledged board games.

* Finally, the last game to mention in the [[Fantasy Flight Games|FFG]] venerable trilogy of games is [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/battles-of-westeros/ ''Battles of Westeros''], arguably the most ambitious and least successful of the three. Battles of Westeros was a fully-fledged wargame that used the [[Memoir 44]] and [[BattleLore]] rules as a base, but then evolved into its own by introducing mechanics such as commanders, tactic cards, and very creative scenario rules. Miniatures were made in 15mm and, for their time and scale, they were quite detailed; some commanders are real standouts (for example, Robb Stark's has his direwolf jumping at his side).<br>
:Thanks to its scale, the game was able to provide players with a great number of options and units at a fraction of the price of other board games. With a core set that was already stacked with units and variety, and then faction-specific expansions that added several more units and commanders. The game also came with scenario books that provided narrative play with quite creative rule variants, such as storming palisades, having decoys in escort missions, and bombarding enemies with catapults. One scenario even tried to bring to life the Battle of the Blackwater (the hybrid invasion of King's Landing by Stannis ''the God-Damn Mannis'' Baratheon). The game was incredible and quite a creative wargame, but its main issue was that the setup time was just terrible. Incredibly complex and tiresome when compared to the actual gameplay time.

There are others, such as the ASOIAF-themed [[Settlers of Catan|Catan]] expansion called [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-catan-brotherhood-of-the-watch/ ''A Game of Thrones Catan: Brotherhood of the Watch''], another card game called [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/hand-of-the-king/ ''A Game of Thrones: Hand of the King''], and another board game [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/game-of-thrones-the-iron-throne/#/products-section ''Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne'']. The quality of those, however, remains to be seen.

And then the miniature-producing Kickstarter juggernaut [[CMON]] decided to produce its own [[wargame]], with AMAZING miniatures. The game began with, of course, a [https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cmon/a-song-of-ice-and-fire-tabletop-miniatures-game Kickstarter], and after that, the game has had at least 2 dozen more releases with 3 more factions added.<br>
The game has some mechanics taken from rank and file games, such as [[Kings of War]], combining them with mechanics taken out of "battles of Westeros" particularly the tactics deck. A new page is in the works: [[ASOIAF Miniature Game]]

==Books==
*''A Game of Thrones''
*''A Clash of Kings''
*''A Storm of Swords'': Split into 2
*''A Feast for Crows'': half the characters, the point where the series goes down the toilet
*''A Dance with Dragons'': split into 2 the first is about the other half of the characters, and manages to pick things up a bit
*''The Winds of Winter'': First rumored to be ready by late 2018, then given an official release date of Summer 2020, those times have come and gone and the book is unreleased. Though he has shared chapters of the book.
*''A Dream of Spring'' : Unreleased and unlikely to ever be.
** GRRM will most likely die before writing this, though he has given an outline for how he wants the series to end that might be made public knowledge if he dies before the book series is finished.
*''The Dunk and Egg Series'': A story about a landless hedge knight travelling across Westeros with a Targaryen squire, so he can teach him how not to be an asshole to peasants. Consists of three small novels, with the fourth one being essentially ready (it was supposed to be published in a Dangerous Women anthology, but was shelved by Martin).
*''Fire and Blood'': Martin's Silmarillion (it even had a GRRMarillion working title at one point) that details the rule of Targaryen kings since the Conquest up until Robert's Rebellion. Only one tome, which abruptly ends on King Aegon III sixteen birthday, was relased, with the second one being released <s>never</s> after Winds of Winter.
**''Sons of the Dragon'': standalone chapter that was released 2 years before full FoF, detailing reigns of Aenys and Maegor.
**''Rogue Prince'': chapter about King Viserys' reign on which most of HOTD's Season 1 is based.
**''The Princess and The Queen'': chapter about Dance of Dragons (do not be confused with Dance ''with'' Dragons).

==On The "Grimdarkness" of the Setting==

One important note: While the setting is usually held to be "Grimdark", it is also very true to Real Life in its nastiness, with real consequences for assholes. George himself has said, quote; "No matter how much I make up, there's stuff in history that's just as bad, or worse." Book one is almost exactly the beginning of the War of the Roses, except with England enlarged to a continent's size and the seasons stretched out to let the travel times work. (...And then the dragons wake up, the ice elves and their undead armies return and magic makes a comeback. It's not a perfect analogy. All that stuff is closed in their own sub plots and they don't involve the main continent in the book, that is left to "common" war and plotting.)

For an example of Grimdark, but with consequences: The King can order the execution of the head of the leading noble family of the North, for essentially no reason, but now he doesn't have hostages to exchange when their relatives and/or armies come after him seeking revenge. (And all this is modeled on various occasions where more or less '''exactly''' this kind of thing happened in real life medieval Europe.)

In other words: Truly heinous shit goes on, and there's nothing ''stopping'' that kind of shit... but there are ''consequences'' to that kind of shit that act as an effective counterbalance against being seen to do that kind of shit to the smarter nobles in the kingdom. And, because anyone can die, the shittiest characters are no more guaranteed survival than the nicest.

Also worth mentioning that there's reason to think that, despite the quote that began this page, the series may not actually end on [[The End Times|100% downer note]], as Martin has said he hopes his series will end in a way akin to the Scouring of the Shire from Lord of the Rings, which, despite the name, is more of a bittersweet ending. So who knows (though this also presumes the author will actually get around to finishing the series at all).

In sum, whether the setting fully qualifies for "Grimdark" is a matter for debate. Probably the best way of looking at is that it is Grimdark, but in a nuanced way.

==See Also==
*[[/tg/ Song of Ice and Fire Houses]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U7NpSubAJQ Weiner, Weiner weiner]

[[category: Literature]]

A Song of Ice and Fire

2023-01-09T01:20:57Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* House Lannister */

[[image:Game_of_Thrones_Title-DVD.png|300px|thumb|WIENER PARTY! WIENER PARTY!]]

{{Spoilers}}
{{Grimdark}}
{{Sick|Among other things, the books can barely go ten pages without having another rape.}}
'''Warning: This article contains so many spoilers we're ruining books that haven't even been released yet.'''

{{Topquote|If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.|Ramsay Bolton, nailing the grimdark theme of this series}}

{{Topquote|It matters not from whence the blood flows. Only that it flows.|George RR Martin, Exalted Champion of Khorne when explaining why so many characters get offed}}

'''''A Song of Ice and Fire''''', better known as '''''Game of Thrones''''' (though only the first book has that title) is a [[Grimdark]] fantasy book series for people who hate fantasy, or at the very least, have gotten their fill of Tolkien pretenders and want something more "distinct". Its central themes include [[Tzeentch|political Machiavellian scheming]], [[Khorne|ultraviolence]], [[Slaanesh|incest/sex with exposition/tons of rape]], and [[Nurgle|everyone trying to survive in such a Crapsack World of perpetual suffering]]. There is also lots and lots of food. Thus it has become one of the most popular series of our generation and its author, [[George R. R. Martin]], has been praised for his highly realized world and gritty low fantasy style. He was even called "the American [[Tolkien]]" by <s>Time magazine</s> gormless idiots who lump diametrically different writers together for no other reason than that they're both fantasy authors. The two authors do both have a passion (and talent) for worldbuilding and writing doorstoppers, but that's also where the similarities generally end. Still, the comparisons to Tolkien would probably explain this series' sudden spike in popularity following the TV show (at least [[Skub|to a point, anyway.]]) The great joke of an actual World War veteran writing fantasy about heroic knights and elves being compared to and contrasted with a conscientious objector who writes edgy fantasy is not lost on most (though its worth mentioning that Martin is as much of a Tolkien buff as any of us, meaning that he didn't write the series as a "fuck you" to Tolkien's work as some might assume).

The series itself is set on the [[Original character, do not steal|totally not medieval European ripoff]] realm of Westeros as it is wracked by a massive succession war drawing its realms into conflict. Everyone's picking up the pieces from the previous war until one family's bid for power starts another war (book one), A bunch of dudes declare themselves kings (book two), they're burning the continent down in their scramble for power, and somehow all the fuck-ups managed to lose anyway (book three). Just when the guys who lost the least start thinking they get to rule over the remaining chaos, more fuck ups happen and more dudes show up (book four). Sadly, winter has finally come and, unbeknownst to most people, [[Thousand Sons|evil ice wizards leading soulless undead]] [[Alpha Legion|assumed to be only myths by most people]] are about to invade the continent from the north. By the fifth book, things are going and/or will go to shit even for the bad guys.

According to a leaked fan conversation, George R. R. Martin jokingly stated the series would end with an epic cock-slap fight between Samwell Tarly and Jaime Lannister.

TL;DR: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Roses War of Roses] with a helpin' of <s>cliched fantasy</s> George's old sci-fi writing plots given a fantasy overhaul and [[/d/]]-lite.

[[ASOIAF Miniature Game|Miniature game has their own page now]]

== Setting and History ==
Most of the series takes place on an America-sized continent named Westeros, which stretches from pretty much the North Pole to the deserts of Dorn. It is populated by three main nations: First Men (Northmen and wildlings aka not!Celts), Andals (pretty much everyone else aka not!Anglo-Saxons) and Rhoynar (Dornishmen). All of them came from Essos in waves: the First Men displacing the druids and giants, then came the Andals who pushed the First Men further north and assimilated the survivors, and finally by the Rhoynar, a matriarch-ish society that fled the destruction of their homeland and finally found a home in Dorne. Ironborn (not!Vikings from western islands) are also of note, since despite their First Men ancestry, they developed an entirely different religion and culture based off raiding due to the barren sea-rocks they inhabit ([[Deep Ones|and possibly also influenced by weird creepy things living in the water that lived on the islands before they did]])

For thousand years Westeros was an utter mess of seven-ish kingdoms vying for supremacy. But while they were busy banging rocks together, the Eastern continent, Essos, was united by the <s>elves</s> magical dragon-riders powered by incest. The Valyrians would expand all over Essos, but their only presence in Westeros was a small island outpost (later named Dragonstone). At one point, however, the daughter of a minor noble family, Daenys Targaryen, had prophetic dreams about the death of her country, which forced her father to flee alongside his family and most valuable possessions (five dragons and some magic shit). His rivals in power laughed at him, but he turned to be right as a gigantic volcanic eruption obliterated Valyria and started the age of anarchy in Essos

The Targaryens did fuck all for a little over a century, until the ambitious lord Aegon grew tired of sister-fucking and decided to forge his own kingdom in Westeros. Even though his army was tiny and he was facing off against the full might of an entire continent, he also had '''dragons''', which in ASOIAF can grow to comically large proportions, and allowed him to wipe the floor with anyone dumb enough to stand against him. Just to make a point, he burnt down *the* largest fortress in Westeros ''in a single night'', melting down stone walls with dragonfire and leaving it cursed for centuries. Though, because the Targs were so reliant on dragons, the only Kingdom they couldn't conquer was [[Dune|Dorne]], who [[Tallarn|mujahideen]]'d their way to a truce after killing one of the sister-wives' dragons with a Ballista and (probably) threatening Aegon with the knowledge that they were willing to spend their entire Kingdom's wealth to hire [[Callidus Assassin|magical assassins]] to end the Targaryen line.

The Targaryens ruled for 280 years, but their rule was also marked by lots of shitty kings (because of the rampant incest), but also by rebelling bastards (who were the result of non-incest). Somewhere along the way, magic began to leave the world. Spells were no longer as effective and the price for such magic became steeper and steeper (which is why most magic in the "present" requires blood or sacrifice of some sort). This was most evident in Westeros when the dynasty's dragons became successively smaller and smaller; it also probably didn't help that they raised them in a coliseum-style Vault and also only had 5 dragons to start with. The dynasty's fate was sealed in the "Dance of Dragons" which was an internal conflict between Targaryens and the last real war to include dragons and dragonriders.

Their ultimate downfall came just before the beginning of the series, when Prince Rhaegar (supposedly) kidnapped the bride of a powerful lord Robert Baratheon and the Mad King killed her father and brother, who just wanted her back, triggering a rebellion that they lost and once again setting the stage for a Seven Kingdom free-for-all.

==Characters==
{{cleanup}}
Since these books have some thousand named characters, you won't remember most of them without an obsessive disorder over details.
Here's a relatively shortlist (mostly based on the TV series rather than the books, but seems to randomly switch between the two) for the characters you'll care about. We'll also be making an effort to mostly focus on characters from the main series, rather than historical figures like Maegor Targaryen, the Dance of Dragons Blacks and Greens, and so on. Trust us, given the number of characters we already have to cover, it's for the best. The houses listed here doesn't even come close to covering them all, either.

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===House Stark===

''"Winter Is Coming"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Honourable, bro-tier northerners who always [[Space Wolves|compare themselves to direwolves and have a few as pets]]. They have a tendency towards being so resolutely honorable that proves to bite them in the ass due to naivete about how [[Tzeentch|Westerosi corrupt politics actually works]] (not that dishonorable characters often fare any better, but that's an "Anyone Can Die" setting for you). They're also arguably the protagonists of the setting. Basically Scotland and/or House Lancaster in the War of the Roses (but named after House York).
* Eddard Stark, ''The Quiet Wolf'': Patriarch, lord and POV death-puppet. Not nearly as stupid as everyone tries to pretend...but still kind of stupid, and very much a dead man walking. Honorable to a fault and deeply repulsed by the politicking that goes on around him, which eventually leads to a mild case of death by decapitation. Has somewhat of a mixed reputation among the big players of Westeros; Jamie Lannister despises Ned for judging him for breaking his oath and saving millions of people in King's Landing and never listening to his side of the story, Littlefinger hates him for much, much pettier reasons (as outlined further below). Varys and Tyrion both kind of admire him, but were in agreement over the fact that Ned did the worst possible thing at the most inconvenient time and ultimately got what was coming to him.
* Benjen Stark: Ned's ranger/Night's Watch brother (so the Faramir to his Boromir), who disappears later in the story and may or may not be the mysterious "Coldhands" (in the TV show he is).
* Robb Stark, ''The Young Wolf'': Shiny, King Arthur-like hero who veers between being [[Lawful Stupid]] and [[Lion El'Johnson|a brilliant military leader]]. After waging a successful war to avenge his murdered father, he was betrothed to a noblewoman but he ended having comfort sex with a virgin noblewoman which may have been arranged by her scheming bitch mother, while in softcore porno he got the hots for a commoner. Cacks it nastily: he got his head cut off and his pet's wolf's head stuck on his body, which was paraded around while his enemies chanted "HERE COMES THE KING IN THE NORTH!" In other words, he's a Scottish [[Roman Empire|Hannibal Barca]]. In the show his pregnant wife dies with him for added Grimdark, but in the books he (wisely) leaves her behind when he goes to the Red Wedding.
* Sansa Stark: Useless teenage girl extraordinaire at the start of the series with dreams of marrying a prince and "having lots of babies", but gets shat on hard by reality, being a case-study in what happens when you go into a Grimdark world thinking like a Fairy Tale Princess. Becomes Littlefinger's replacement goldfish when Catelyn's no longer around, her father got killed and her best friend was sold as a sex slave, and ended up in the worst relationship we can possibly imagine with King Joffrey. [[Grimdark|Even got deflowered via rape by Ramsey Bolton]] and married to him before managing to escape with the help of others. Currently acting as a co-ruler to her brother/cousin Jon Snow, and has learned much from her suffering, allowing her to kick Littlefinger out of the Great Game via throat slitting. While in the book Littlefinger is/was setting her up at House Arryn to claim the Vale and the North, the show version becomes QUEEN IN DA NORF in the final episode.
* Arya Stark: Little tomboy assassin. Has a kill list, but doesn't get to use it so long as she is an amnesiac apprentice of [[Officio Assassinorum|the Friendly Neighborhood Assassins Guild]]. In the books, she's still training with the Faceless Men, but in the show she's broken away from them and headed back to Westeros to get revenge on a LOT of people, giving her one of the highest kill counts in the series. She goes home to Winterfell when she hears that Jon and Sansa took it back and starts acting as a general "troubleshooter" for Sansa while scaring the hell out of everyone with all her new assassin skillz. Kills the Night King like a fucking champion in Season 8 (though in a way that doesn't actually make any sense), then rides south to add Cersei to her body count. Instead, the Hound talks her out of it and she [[The Lord of the Rings|decides to sail into the unknown west]]. Kind of the [[Mary Sue|writer's pet]] in the show, among other things getting to avenge the Red Wedding in a brutally cinematic manner even though Dumb and Dumber justified giving us a pregnant woman getting stabbed to death on-screen because Game of Thrones is above "cliches" like loved ones getting avenged in just such a way. And her aforementioned killing of the Night King that doesn't actually make any sense, since it required her getting the drop on him in a way that was ''physically impossible without out-of-universe special effects equipment''. Book version is still level-grinding to get to her TV version's skill level.
* Catelyn Stark (nee Tully): A woman who trusts the wrong people at the worst time, causing a lot of misery. Gets killed along with Robb, then comes back (books only) as Lady Stoneheart, an undead witch bent on killing all the Boltons, Freys, Greyjoys, Lannisters... pretty much everyone she thinks was tangentially involved in betraying her and her family, or somebody who just pissed her off (kind of hard to blame her though). The show writers left this part out completely, which caused much [[rage]] and [[skub]] in the fandom.
* Bran Stark: Intelligent little boy, named after the founder of House Stark, Brandon the Builder (basically Tony Stark combined with [[Leman Russ]]). He was crippled in the first sign of major [[GrimDark]]. Has prophetic dreams and becomes a [[druid]]. In the TV series, fucks things up by alerting the Others to where he's hiding, which gets all of the Children, his loyal wolf, the Three-Eyed Crow and Hodor killed. For good measure, turns out to have accidentally ''caused'' Hodor to become, well, Hodor, as he was using his druid powers to figure out why Hodor is only able to say Hodor, resulting in Hodor's gruesome death-by-zombies being beamed directly into young Hodor's brain. He's now the Three-Eyed Raven and likes going around being creepy as fuck and generally weirding people out. Becomes King of the <s>Seven</s> Six Kingdoms in a hilariously nonsensical plot twist in the finale.
* Rickon Stark: Four years old at the start, turning into a real little [[Barbarian]] from not being raised properly, because everyone who would have raised him was dead or missing. In the books, he and his wildling nanny Osha are on the cannibal-infested island of Skagos, and Davos Seaworth is on his way there to pick them up so that the northern lords who are still loyal to House Stark have a figurehead to rally behind. In the show, he ends up hanging out at the Umbers, then is handed over to Ramsay as a prisoner when Smalljon becomes afraid of the Wildlings living north of him (who were invited by Jon Snow to fight the Zombie Apocalypse), and finally dies via arrow in a sick game of "dodge the missiles" courtesy of Ramsey.
* Jon Snow, ''The White Wolf'': A bastard living in the Stark household before leaving for the Night's Watch (basically [[The Last Chancers|Colonel Schaeffer]] with more convicted rapists under his command) and excels there because nearly every one of his fellow recruits are peasants who have never had a formal days of training while Jon has had the serious training afforded to all lords. After he takes over by becoming the Watch Commander secures and alliance with the Wildlings, ancient barbarian enemies of the Night's Watch, because when the end of the world is coming you tend to think outside the box. Also gets a Wildling girlfriend, but she dies. He was taken under the wing by the Lord Commander Jora Mormont and given advice by Aemon (a Targaryen who is so '''old''' that everyone south has forgotten he existed, and unbeknownst to him, his great-great-granduncle), and managed to actually be a competent leader: after a disastrous loss of strength after the failure of the Great Ranging, and then the Wildling invasion, he unilaterally decides to let the Wildlings through in exchange for their aid in securing the Wall against the real enemy; he even impresses Stannis (The Mannis) with his honor and sense of justice. [[Grimdark|And then, all the corrupt exiles from the South (and the rejects who were left behind during the Ranging) banded together to kill him]].
**Though he's currently dead in the books as a result of mutiny, he was revived by R'hllor in the series after being stabbed to death by the senior members of the Watch. Isn't actually Eddard's bastard son, but rather the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, meaning that he is, in fact, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. The new KING IN DA NORF according to his supporters after he killed Ramsay Bolton and took back Winterfell, and is also currently hooking up with his own aunt.
**He turns on Daenerys once he realizes she's lost it and kills her in the throne room, but [[Plot Armor|for some reason her dragon doesn't kill him despite seeing him do the the deed]]. The Unsullied want his head, but instead, King Bran exiles him to the Night's Watch and he fucks off into the far north to live with the Free Folk.
* Hodor: Hodor. Hodor, Hodor, Hodor. <s>An enormous and possibly retarded stable boy, and Bran's faithful steed.</s> Hodor. Ok, in all actual seriousness, this guy is probably one of the most tragic figures in this series (and that's saying something). [[Grimdark|The guy basically received horrible visions of his own death fighting a horde of zombies, buying time for his friends to escape by literally holding the door shut as he was hacked apart]]. This causes him to suffer a mental break, leading him to develop Immature Personality Disorder and making it so the only thing he can say is a garbled version of his friend's last request "hold the door" for all of his adult life; the logic here is that "hold the door" devolves into "hol' th' door" and eventually "Hodor". You now feel bad for at laughing at the guy.
* Osha: A Wildling woman who surrendered to the Starks and becomes their servant in exchange for not getting killed. Now dead in the show thanks to Ramsay's dickery, costing the cast another valued waifu.</div></div>

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===House Targaryen===

''"Fire and Blood"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The former Dragon kings and rulers of Westeros, [[Eldar|fair-haired purple-eyed beautiful people]] who have descended from the [[Dark Age of Technology|ancient technologically-advanced superpower]] of [[Roman Empire|Valyria]], which collapsed because of [[Fall of the Eldar|their colossal hubris]]. After the anarchic [[Age of Strife|Century of Blood]], the Targaryen patriarch Aegon I, instead of reconquering the lost cause of Essos and of Valyria's former empire, looked towards the rather primitive continent of Westeros, and its squabbling Seven Kingdoms, [[Great Crusade|to establish his own Imperial dynasty and unify the Realm]]. Aegon I is essentially the Low Fantasy version of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror William the Conqueror] and/or the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], with a little dash of [[/d/|incest]].

[[Rules Lawyer|Thanks to a loophole]], the Targaryens were immune to the moral objections relating to incest. Common sense (and common decency) took back seat to a time-honoured policy of [[/d/|catastrophic inbreeding]], which made a number of problems, the most obvious of which was that a whole bunch of them were fucking crazy. Aegon I married his older and younger sisters and had several kids with each, which would be the start of another Targaryen tradition: the occasional succession crisis. Because GRRM can't write a book without going off on a tangent (and because the Targaryens were running things for a good chunk of the setting's history), the Targaryens and their 300ish long legacy is full of rebellions and wars ripped from English History and in turn mined by HBO. Fun interregnums include the Dance of Dragons, where the Targaryens used the last of their dragons in a brutal civil-war against each other (and now a TV show), and the Blackfyre Rebellions, where the fat-fuck Aegon IV (who had Henry VII's opposite problems: he fucked everyone and had many heirs) legitimized all his bastards and even gifted one of them the dynasty's greatest treasure: the Blackfyre sword. Actually, considering how ''much'' of these rebellions were caused by half-Targaryen bastards, [[/d/|maybe they had a point?]]

Eventually, the lineage was banished to Essos after a brutal civil war: Aerys II, a crazy paranoid king that savagely executed many different people, made the wrong move of executing the Lord and Heir of the North; the two men were in King's Landing because Aery's son, Rhaegar, the '''non''-crazy one, eloped/abducted Robert Baratheon's fiance and their sister. Since he was already married and she was engaged, they left together in secret, which caused Robert the Cuck to go wild. Joining with Eddard, the new Lord of the North, and their teacher/foster-dad Jon Arryn, the three Kingdoms rebelled and Robert warhammered Rhaegar because STR > DEX.

The survivors were smuggled out/hidden from Robert, with Viserys and his then-pregnant mother hiding on their ancestral home of Dragonstone first, before fucking off to Essos when the war was truly lost; Rhaegar's ''first'' son and daughter were killed and his wife raped by the Lannister's bannermen, though Rhaegar's best friend [[Gay|who loved him very, very, very much]] claims to have helped sneak him out of Westeros and hides with him in Essos; finally, Rhaegar and Lyanna's son, Jon/Aegon, was adopted by Ned, who was made to realize that the entire civil war was a misunderstanding and that his whoremongering drunk of a foster brother would've probably been a terrible brother-in-law anyway. [[Grimdark]]. Basically, the entire British royal family, but with more incest, and a lot of dragons. Still, they occasionally did have genuinely good people like Aegon V (aka Egg), Jaeherys I the Conciliator, his wife Good Queen Alysanne and complete badasses like Brynden Bloodraven and Baelor Breakspear (too bad Bloodraven is hooked up to Old God wi-fi permanently and Breakspear died before he could become king).
Pseudo-Romans and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Normandy House of Normandy].

* Aerys II, ''The Mad King'': [[Kharn|A pretty fun guy to be around]]. Had a psychotic fascination for fire, which extended to being a psychotic fascination for burning traitors, a category of people that eventually grew to include anybody he disliked for any reason, anyone who disagreed with him, and a few people who were unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire. [[Goge Vandire|Teamkilled by his bodyguard Jaime for planning to burn the city down with everyone inside it, and even refused to accept his death until he actually died]].
* Daenerys Targaryen, ''Stormborn'': She was sold by her brother to a barbarian leader [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|Khal (warlord) Drogo]] in exchange for the promise that he'd use his Khalassar (Warband/tribe) to conquer Westeros. She found her self esteem as his wife, then her husband killed her idiot brother Viserys and promised to conquer the world for Daenerys, making her a full-fledged badass barbarian war queen. Unfortunately, her husband died when [[Derp|Daenerys trusted one of the slaves whose town Drogo had pillaged and burnt to heal an infected wound of his]] and his horde fell apart (though the book is somewhat ambiguous as to whether the slave did kill Drogo). Then she hatched three dragons (completely by accident when she tried to commit suicide) bringing them back from extinction, and now everyone wants to marry her because she is now one of the most powerful people around due to said dragons and being good-looking (in the books this is by the age-of-consent in Westeros standards, where girls are women when they start getting their periods and boys are men at age 13). [[Gets shit done]] except the entire fifth book, in which she mopes around about wanting to marry an annoying, flamboyant mercenary instead of saving herself for political marriage. After banging the flamboyant mercenary, she later marries a Meereenese noble who guarantees he can get her some peace (more likely [[Just As Planned|just as he planned]]).
**She also does nothing while insurgents kill her men, a horde of plagued refugees spread disease to her city and standing idly by while an enemy army besieges her walls, all for realistically political reasons because the world is a horrible place. Learns how to train her dragon. In the books she's just encountered another Khalassar after being hauled away from Meereen by Drogo. In the TV series, she takes over all the Dothraki and adds them to her army, then heads for Westeros to invade the place with her army of elite hoplites, massive horde of Dothraki and her dragons. By the time she gets to King's Landing she's taken significant losses, including two of her dragons, and is fucking her nephew (Jon Snow). Officially went Mad Queen as of S8E5, wherein she burned most of King's Landing after the city attempted to surrender and has decided to "liberate" everyone on the planet, whether they want it or not. Jon kills her in the series finale so that she won't go around burninating the rest of the world.
* The dragons: The three dragons that Daenerys hatched. They're wyverns that breathe fire, [[Awesome|have blood hot enough to melt steel]], and [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|cook their meat before eating it]]. Naturally, some of the coolest things in the story.
** Drogon; named for her late husband, Khal Drogo. Black and red, the biggest and [[Gork|most aggressive dragon]]. Starts eating people and then escapes, leading to the other two getting imprisoned. Interrupts a gladiator tournament, killing a lot of people before being whipped by Daenerys into flying her to a Khalassar that broke off from her husband's after his death. In the show, he's the last dragon standing after Viserion bites it north of the Wall and his undead body is put down at Winterfell and Rhaegal gets shot down over Dragonstone. Takes Dany's body, destroys the Iron Throne and fucks off to who knows where after Dany is killed.
** Rhaegal; named for the first of her dead brothers, Rhaegar. Green and gold, the [[Mork|cunning one]] and the loudest (with a roar "...that would have sent a hundred lions fleeing,"). Kills Quentyn Martell when the latter is trying to goad Viserion (see below). After breaking out of jail with Viserion they go "all your base are belong to us" on Meereen, killing people and taking over the pyramid of a loyal family as his lair. Last seen playing "sack the town" with Viserion in the books. Dead in the show thanks to Euron Greyjoy and some Diabolus ex Machina bullshit.
** Viserion; named for her other brother Viserys. White and gold and the [[Vulkan|friendliest]] (as dragons go, he still eats people). Dug cave for himself in his jail then moved into another pyramid after his and his brother's great escape. Gets killed by the [[Vampire Counts|Night's King in the show via a magic spear, then his corpse is reanimated to be the Night King's zombie dragon steed]] and blasts a hole in the famous Wall, allowing the armies of snow elves and zombies to start flooding Westeros. Now perma-dead thanks to the Night King biting it.
* Viserys Targaryen, ''The Beggar King'': Daenerys' physically abusive older brother. Best known for being a bully with incestuous lust for her, and an arrogant and incompetent fuck with a massive sense of entitlement. He eventually got himself killed for being an all-around jerk and whiny idiot, which culminated in him threatening his sister and unborn nephew with a sword while drunk in a sacred Dothraki place where weapons and bloodshed are forbidden on pain of death (execution is done by bloodless death - having a scarf wrapped tight around the neck and being drowned in a barrel). Daenerys' husband [[awesome|poured molten gold over his head and called it his promised crown, also ensuring his death didn't technically shed any blood in their sacred place]].
* Aegon Targaryen, ''Aegon VI'': Daenerys' nephew, the son of her brother Rhaegar. Been hiding in Essos for the entire length of the series, but recently raised an army of Westerosi exiles and threw them all a massive Welcome Home party with rape and pillage. Wants to marry his aunt because she has dragons, ''and might not actually be a member of House Targaryen'' if you believe some fans. He can actually count past 6, can multiply numbers, can read different language and has a minor understanding of geometry thus cementing him as one of the most educated people in this overwrought series. Can also do his own laundry.
**Like Dany, he has his own band of misfits following him around. While Dany has Dothraki and Unsullied, Aegon has '''The Golden Company''', a mercenary company of ten thousand, descended from the forces loyal to the Blackfyre bastards. The Golden Company has a long and storied history of invading Westeros and failing, which has led to the theories that Aegon is really a Blackfyre. Because of their long history and descent from actual nobles, the Golden Company is nothing like the mercenary rabble common in the rest of the series, even having dedicated knight, archer, and War Elephant divisions.
* Brynden Rivers ''Bloodraven'': A Targaryen bastard who came to prominence about a hundred years before the series as a sort of sorcerer, he later became known as the "Three-Eyed Raven/Crow" after encountering the Children of the Forest, and uses his powers to help advert the Long Night and train Bran. He's described as having long, white hair, missing an eye, bound to a tree, knows all and sees all, associated heavily with ravens and omens... [[Vikings|yeah, he's very much Odin, come to think of it. Just a lot more of an asshole than the Warrior King of legend.]]
**In his prime, he was pretty much just Loki. The Spymaster ''and'' Hand of the King during the Blackfyre Rebellions (a rebellion of all Aegon IV's many bastards, [[Troll|who he legitimized on his deathbed because that's how he rolled]]), he was one of the few to remain loyal. He was a sorceror and had a spy network so thorough, it was a commmon-joke that the [[Magnus the Red|one-eyed]] sorcerer had "[[Thousand Sons|a thousand eyes]], and [[Tzeentch|one]]" He had his own elite unit of archers that solved the first rebellion by sticking the claimant, his heir, and finally his twin, full of arrows.
**Exiled to the Night's Watch after assassinating after assassinating a Blackfyre after promising him safe passage, a running theme in ASOIAF.
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===House Lannister===

''"Hear Me Roar"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Monopoly|Westeros' richest family]], proud, pompous, selfish and fabulous assholes. Not much of a martial tradition but if you cross them [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7t7cnwlOgY they will fucking cut you]. You can tell they are the bad guys because they have an army of sick fucks, including a zebra-riding mercenary band and 7' 8" Khornate Champion <s>not-Goliath</s> Gregor Clegane. House York (though named after House Lancaster) combined with the House of Rothschild and the Mafia. Their unofficial motto is "A Lannister Always Pays His Debts"
* Tywin Lannister, ''The Lion of Lannister'': The Godfather, head of the house, and obsessed with his reputation as a Magnificent Bastard extraordinaire. Lawful Evil Personified. He was a most feared general whose greatest achievement was [[Exterminatus|erasing House Reyne from existence]], which was immortalised in his own sweet-yet-creepy-as-fuck theme song (The Rains of Castamere) that became used as a warning against anyone standing against him. During his tenure as Hand of the King (i.e. Prime Minister), he was a political genius who operated as the true power behind the Iron Throne, keeping the realm stable and prosperous despite the stupidity of Aerys II and Joffrey. However, despite all of his achievements, he's an [[Emperor|absolutely terrible father]], who treats his children as nothing more than tools to further his political agenda. He completely overlooks the incestuous relationship his two oldest children had, and hated Tyrion and made his life a living hell for very poor reasons. He humiliated Tyrion whenever it wouldn't threaten the family's reputation, berated Tyrion for being a whore-monger despite secretly being one himself (this is ''only'' in the show), [[Grimdark|tried to get him killed multiple times]], and as the capstone of awful parenting, he taught Tyrion not to marry commoners after he married one called Tysha - by forcing Tyrion to watch Tysha get gang-raped, forcing him to rape her too and then annulling their marriage. The only person Tywin truly loved was his wife. He eventually gets his comeuppance when Tyrion finds out the truth about the Tysha incident and kills him with a crossbow, all while mentioning that out of all his children, Tyrion was the most alike to Tywin himself. He's based on [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Neville,_16th_Earl_of_Warwick Warwick the Kingmaker].
* Joanna Lannister: Tywin's late wife and first cousin, meaning the next three characters are inbred as well, ironically. Dies giving birth to Tyrion, which is part of why Tywin hates him, though Cersei hates him for other reasons. Caught wind of Cersei and Jaime's incestuous tendencies, but she died before she could tell Tywin. It is implied that her ghost visits Jaime in a dream and mourns the current state of her family.
* Cersei Lannister, ''Bitch Queen'': Tywin and Joanna's first child. Twin sister to Jaime Lannister and wife to King Robert Baratheon. She fucks her brother Jaime all the time and had three of his children, whom she passed off as Robert's to grab power. She is a massive narcissist who thinks of herself as "female Tywin" and hence seeks to rule Westeros as the Queen, and will do anything to keep her power... even when [[Abbadon the Despoiler|most of her plans end up becoming utter failures]]. Crazy as all fuck and prophesied to be killed by the "little brother." This is because of a prophecy made by a witch, Cersei was a child that she'd be a beautiful queen, lose everything, her children would die before her, and the "Valonqar" would kill her. Though that does explain why she hates Tyrion as hard as all fuck, [[Just As Planned|the exact translation of the term]] that was used is "younger sibling", and not necessarily her sibling, which opens the door to all sorts of characters who hate the fuck out of her. Since Jaime is technically younger by a few seconds, him killing Cersei would be an interesting twist not without buildup. Possibly the Witch was messing with her head because of what a bitch Cersei was being to her, something Cersei never grew out of. Cersei is currently alive only because Varys wants her to be, [[Just As Planned|as she's a terrible queen who'll destabilize the realm enough for him to bring back the Targaryens]]. She was completely shaved, stripped of power in all but her royal heritage and forced to do a nude walk of penance throughout the city by the High Sparrow (ASOIAF Pope- equivalent/[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther Martin Luther] except he won the Reformation) after he uncovered her crimes. Now she's waiting for her hair to grow back and maybe thinking of revenge.
**She gets it in the show by blowing up the Great Sept of Baelor (ASOIAF [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canterbury_Cathedral Canterbury Cathedral]) with everyone she doesn't like inside it, having her cousin killed near the Wildfire, killing Tyene Sand with the same poison that Tyene used on Myrcella and forcing Ellaria to watch, then capturing the nun who was her jailer and [[Grimdark|leaving her to be tortured to death by zombie Gregor Clegane]]. She is in short [[Thanquol]] disguised as a beautiful blonde woman. Gets anticlimactically squashed by a collapsing ceiling along with Jaime during Daenerys's assault on King's Landing. (her biggest issue? Not dying sooner, for the Seven's sake!)
* Jaime Lannister, ''The Kingslayer'': Younger twin brother (by about three seconds) to Cersei Lannister and commander of the Kingsguard. He loves his sister in every sense of the word and had three children with her. Killed the last king despite his oath, and is widely hated for it, even though everyone agrees that dying was a massive improvement for Aerys. The reason for this betrayal was that Aerys had a huge stockpile of Acme Brand Magic Napalm stockpiled under the city, ready to be set off the moment a siege broke through the town walls, and Jaime's options were to let it happen or kill Aerys before the crazy fuck got ''everybody'' killed. His desire to openly love his sister and win the respect he feels he deserves eventually causes Cersei to reject him. Starts off as an arrogant douche who [[Grimdark|tried to murder Bran Stark, but accidentally crippled him instead]]; as the series progressed he became progressively more bro-tier besides the whole wants-to-fuck-his-sister thing, though he eventually begins to question even this devotion after seeing what a bitch she is when she comes to power. He genuinely loves Tyrion, so much so that he actually went off on his own to get him back after he heard Catelyn had him imprisoned in the Vale. He gets freed by Robb and goes on a journey through Westeros, loses his arm, and gets a lesson in valour and knighthood from Brienne of Tarth. He starts to question his legacy after his son Joffrey makes him Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, a position that was only made available because Joff expelled the Knight who had actually earned it. Since Joff and Cersei had filled the Kingsguard with sycophants and their own thugs, Jaime's role as the Lord Commander has left a bad taste in his mouth because he is now the leader of probably the least prestigious iteration of the Kingsguard ever. Basically, [[Sigvald|Sigvald the Magnificent]] currently in the midst of a redemption arc. In the books, he is currently being lured into a trap by Lady Stoneheart.
**In the show, he has finally told Cersei to get fucked after realizing that she has well and truly lost it, and rode north to help fight the White Walkers. He survived the Battle of Winterfell, hooked up with Brienne, and then rides south [[Derp|because he just can't let Cersei go.]] Winds up getting shanked by Euron Greyjoy and dies [[Fail|via collapsing ceiling]].
* Tyrion Lannister, ''Halfman'': a very intelligent dwarf who is awesome, but hated by everyone, either because of his deformity, or because he's a Lannister. The few people who treat him well is an uncle that went missing, his brother Jaime, Jon Snow who learned a lot from him, and Varys, who at first saw him as an asset, but grew to admire his political abilities and intellect, even declaring him a friend. He seems to do much better when getting drunk with whores, rogues, bastards and barbarians. His silver tongue is one of his greatest strengths (he's witty and good at persuading people) and weaknesses (he tends to think himself to be way more clever than he actually is, which mainifests in him being quick with insults and the truth in a city ruled by sociopaths and liars). Tyrion is also one of the only characters with an actual sense of the bigger picture, and an interest toward steering the world toward an outcome that ''doesn't'' involve a [[The End Times|Warhammer End Times]] scenario. **Unfortunately, the world's movers, shakers, and those who generally have the power to make a difference are increasingly either a) dead, b) scattered to the winds or c) hate his dwarf guts. Despite the increasing difficulty and fruitlessness of his task, however, [[Awesome|Tyrion still fights]]. After being framed for killing Joffrey, he killed his own father and fled Westeros. In the books, he is currently in exile in the Free Cities, weaselling his way into leading a merc band and trying to sign them up with Daenerys' forces, recognizing her as one of the few chances Westeros has got of fixing its shit (provided she can get her own shit together, which she's having a bit of trouble with).
**Since characters in this series tend to either be walking tropes, rip-offs of other fantasy characters, or historical people with different names, Tyrion is probably based on the great [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miles_Vorkosigan Miles Vorkosigan] (who was himself based on a few people including Sir Winston Churchill) and is a nod to King Richard III (a deformed but competent king later demonized by historiographers of his era). Even if he is usually the smartest one in the room at any given time, though, Tyrion is still not above having some derp moments. Exhibit A, when Tyrion asked his father what happened to his first wife (right before killing him), he took an ''obvious'' "I don't know and I don't care" response ("Wherever whores go") as if it was literal directions, and afterward keeps asking random people if they know where whores go, with predictable reactions. (Admittedly he'd just killed his ex and was probably in the middle of some serious PTSD at the time, which is not great for your brain.) The show version eventually meets Daenerys and becomes her Hand only to [[Fail|fuck up a bunch of stuff]] and lose her trust. He sells her out when he realizes that she's gone round the bend and winds up becoming Hand to King Bran.
* Kevan Lannister: Tywin's younger brother, considered "the reliable one". One of the few decent Lannisters, though saying that he is perfectly happy carrying out Tywin's bidding. Tried to talk sense into Cersei and was later called in to try and fix her mess. He did such a good job of it that Varys decided to personally thank him. With a crossbow. And a group of knife-wielding children. In the show he dies with the rest of the crowd when the Great Sept got nuked by Cersei - the manner of his book death was given over to Grand Maester Pycelle at the exact same time.
* Lancel Lannister: Kevan's son, Tywin's nephew and Tyrion, Jamie and Cersei's cousin. A callow, spoilt but well-meaning nobleman. Pretty much Joffery but mentally stable, not sadistic and capable of compassion and honor. Enters a sexual relationship with his cousin Cersei when Jamie is captured, which Tyrion uncovers and uses to blackmail Lancel into spying for him. He later has a religious experience after nearly dying and joins the Poor Fellows of the Faith of the Seven, gives up his incestuous relationship and tries to convert several of his family members (somewhat successfully with Kevan, unsuccessfully with Cersei). Still alive in the books.
**In the show, he reports Cersei to the High Sparrow (rather than the High Sparrow cleverly uncovering Cersei's plan and trapping her) and dies horribly. Cersei deliberately set him up for a particularly agonizing and drawn-out end; he's lured into a catacomb under the sept that contains a massive cache of wildfire, gets his spinal cord severed so he can't walk, and is left where he can see candles sitting in a pool of wildfire just a little too far away for him to reach it in time, so that he [[Grimdark|spends his last moments vainly trying to avert a horrible catastrophe before being incinerated]].
* Cersei and Robert's (actually Jaime's) children:
** Joffrey Baratheon: Spoiled brat and sociopath to the extreme. He's basically [[Sigvald]] during his teenage years (and likely inspired [[Phil Kelly|Kelly]] to make the character Sigvald). "Heir" of the throne, and the technical king of Westeros during the War of the Five Kings since he lives in King's Landing and sits on the throne. Turned out to be worse than Aerys. He died and there was much rejoicing. [[Fail|Except by his mother, who instead had sex on his corpse]]. Fourteen years old at the time of his death.
** Tommen Baratheon: The new king on the Iron Throne. Nine years old. Married to a teenaged shotacon wife who's (unknown to him) the granddaughter of his brother's true killer. Trying to litigate the criminalization of beets. Loves [[Cats|kittens]]. He's pretty well-rounded and non-fucked up, which is a miracle considering his parents, both putative and biological. Also seems to be trying to take kinging seriously, but his mom is trying to quash that in her subliminal attempt to hold power indefinitely, so whether it holds is another matter entirely. Prophesied to die before Cersei, which is doubly tragic due to his age and being a much better person than her.
**In the show, he commits suicide after Cersei blows up the Great Sept (head office of the fantasy knockoff Church of England), killing his godfather, great-uncle, wife, and all his religious friends, because of course her power hunger was more important than his happiness and well being.
** Myrcella Baratheon: Princess, and Cersei and "Robert's" second oldest child. Ten years old. In order to appease the Martells, Tyrion arranges a marriage with her and the youngest Martell, which pissed off everyone. In the books, she had her face fucked up because of Arianne Martell's amateur intrigues, which overlapped with poor planning, general stupidity, and another guy's backstabbing. Before the maiming, she was quite decent and non-evil. Who knows how she'll turn out now with half of her face cut off. Also prophesied to die before Cersei.
**In the show, she had a crush on Oberyn's surviving nephew but was killed by Elia in revenge for Oberyn's death, but alive in the books though missing an ear. Also, the readership all got on George's balls for maiming this girl, mostly because it was a sign that he had run out of ideas and was basically just milking Diabolus ex Machina ([[Just As Planned|or that's what he wants us to think]]).
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===House Baratheon===

''"Ours is the Fury"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Ascended to the Iron Throne after a successful rebellion against the Mad King Aerys II Targaryen. Produces no less than three claimants to the succession, each one very different from the other. Technically a cadet branch of House Targaryen as their founder Orys was allegedly a Targaryen bastard, who took the original Storm Kings (House Durrandon) deer sigil after killing the last one and fucking his only child Argella and then 200 odd years later, King Egg's daughter married their grandfather. They're pretty much the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Plantagenet House of Plantagenet].
* Robert Baratheon, ''The Usurper'': Fat, old, former badass who led the rebellion, and now the king who married Cersei Lannister. Then he fucked a bunch of other women and had lots of illegitimate kids. He was killed while mixing boar hunting and drinking, but whether this death was planned or not is uncertain. On the surface, a king with a thing for easy laughs and partying; right underneath the surface, he's irresponsible and leaves the actual ruling of a nation to his staff, deeper under the surface he's pretty much a sad, lonely old bro who would rather not have been king. Comparable to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_IV_of_England Henry IV], in that both were powerfully built military geniuses who overthrew the existing monarchy and later succumbed to an unhealthy lifestyle.
* Stannis '''The Mannis''' Baratheon: Robert's younger brother, an all-around badass who swings between [[Lawful Stupid]] (more so in the show than the books) and [[gets shit done|getting shit done]]. [[Judge Dredd|believes so strongly in the rule of law]] that he feels compelled to take the Iron Throne for himself despite wanting nothing to do with it. Is advised by a priestess of the God of light, Melisandre, and a lowborn smuggler named Davos Seaworth raised to knighthood and nobility. [[C.S Goto|His character is ruined in the show into an incompetent pawn of Melisandre and gets killed off just because one of the showrunners didn't like him]].
** Shireen Baratheon: Stannis's kid daughter. The sweet, charming, and intelligent little lady who was left with a deformity on her face from a disease called greyscale. Teaches Davos how to read, and is probably the most innocent person in the series alongside Tommen, Myrcella and a few others. Being the grim and dark universe A Song of Ice and Fire is, however, this means that she's likely going to end up becoming fuel for a vicious fire god. In the show she does, but in the books, she is safe and sound since Stannis isn't stupid enough to bring him with her while campaigning. His wife, on the other hand, being such an idiotic fanatical pyromaniac... well, her odds aren't exactly looking that great.
* Renly Baratheon, ''That Gay Guy'': Robert and Stannis's youngest brother. Took Loras Tyrell (a.k.a. Knight of Flowers, Pretty Boy, etc.) as his lover. Decided he was better suited to be king, though the bizarre and outdated laws of the land stated Stannis was next in line (though Joffrey and then Tommen were first since they were [[Pretend|officially]] Bobby B's legitimate kids). Was hugely popular since he had Robert's charisma, which led to him getting the most support, but he lacked Stannis's conviction and devotion to the duty of actually doing the work of a king, or even Robert's ability to wage war. Killed by Melisandre with some "help" by Stannis ''The Mannis'' for trying to steal his crown, though in the books Stannis may not have been completely aware of the role he played in Renly's death. He's basically [[That Guy]] of ASOIAF, since quite a lot of shit is his fault, indirectly or otherwise.
*Gendry Baratheon, the Bastard Son. One of Robert's many, many bastard children, and the one who gets the most page and screen time. He starts out as a humble blacksmith in King's Landing, who first comes to Ned's attention when Lord Stark is investigating the death of Jon Arryn. From there, he gets shipped off to the Night's Watch to avoid the imminent purge of Robert's bastards and winds up becoming friends with Arya and Hot Pie. After some adventuring and sexual tension with Arya (at least in the show), he joins the Brotherhood Without Banners. In the show, they sell him to Melisandre so she can use him for a blood magic ritual, while in the books he just goes on being a smith and doesn't get involved in anything particularly weird or shady. He's helping run an inn as a Brotherhood front/orphanage when he reappears in the books, but in the show, Ser Davos sets him free and tells him to fuck off, which he does for a few seasons. He eventually turns up back in King's Landing, where Davos finds him and recruits him (and his comically oversized LARPing hammer) for Team Snow. He helps Jon capture a wight to show Cersei, makes dragonglass weapons for the Army of the Living, hooks up with Arya, and fights in the Battle of Winterfell, after which Daenerys legitimizes him as the new lord of House Baratheon.</div></div>

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===House Tully===

''"Family, Duty, Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Lords of the central riverlands. Being the obligatory central nation they spend a lot of the series being fought over like a cake in between fat kids. Basically Poland/the Netherlands, given they have so many rivers and how hard they've been fucked over.
*Edmure Tully: Basically the SoIaF universe's eternal butt monkey (because he happens to be a decent fucking person). Despite being an okay guy, he's also a useless ponce with a dense streak a mile wide and a bad habit of bragging about things he shouldn't be proud of. It took hanging in a stockade for a few months to make him experience some growth. When Jaime was brought in to unfuck the situation and end the siege at Riverrun, Jaime's "negotiation" pressured him into convincing his house to surrender, but he made sure [[Troll|that Brynden got out first]]. In the books, he's currently spending his days at the Lannister house as a hostage to make sure that the Tullys don't try to ruin the situation again.
**In the show, he disappears until the final episode, [[Fail|where he tries to make a case for himself as king]] only to get shut down by Sansa.
*Lord Hoster Tully: In GoT the only act he committed of any note was to die. In the books however he is arguably, though inadvertently, the most destructive character once you've delved into his history. The man looked down upon peasants, cripples, bastards, and broken things, which influenced his daughters and primed them for their mistreatment of such through their travels (especially Catelyn's immediate suspicion of Tyrion, [[What|despite the charge and evidence making little sense, but because he's a "Monster" of course he must have done it]]). He denied Tywin's offer to marry Tyrion to Lysa for said reasons, but he also denied Lysa to marry Petyr because of his low birth and her value of being married off to a higher bidder, even if their age differed by at least 50 years and she was pregnant with Petyr's child. He responded to this pregnancy by forcefully aborting the child via drinking Moon Tea, without her knowledge (something he would have nightmares about approaching his death). Not only did this nearly cause her death, but it destroyed her reproductive system resulting in 5 miscarriages and 2 stillbirths (an event that would lead her to aggressive paranoia so fervent that she killed her husband to prevent being separated from her only living child). All of these actions unfortunately spiraled into helping cause The War of the Five Kings.
*Brynden Tully ''the Blackfish'': He didn't catch the memo that he was part of the joke faction, and proceeds to spend the entire series fucking Lannister shit up and generally being a boss. Thought to be the black sheep in a family of fish (Thus "Blackfish", geddit?), but in spite of that status held true to the family, continuing to hold Riverrun for Robb in spite of the war pretty much being lost. When Edmure surrendered Riverrun, he escaped by swimming under the portcullis and escaping into the river, causing everyone to shit themselves because he's totally coming for revenge. Also widely accepted by the fans to be a closeted homosexual.
**In the HBO show, he gets killed when resisting arrest from Tully forces by order of Edmure. [[Rage|And it happens offscreen.]]</div></div>

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===House Arryn===

''"As High as Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Mountain lords turned [[NEET|neurotic shut ins]]. Goes through lords about as quickly as you would expect a castle equipped with a door that opens into empty air. Basically Switzerland/Afghanistan, seeing as how they stayed neutral in the War of Five Kings, their land is covered by nothing but mountains, and they're constantly fighting with the local tribes. They were being entertainingly screwed over by Littlefinger until his death.
*Jon Arryn: Only appears posthumously and is the catalyst for the whole plot. Used to be a foster father of sorts to Robert Baratheon and Eddard Stark. Was the Robert's Malcador the Sigilite during Robert's Rebellion. He was killed by Littlefinger via Lysa when he figured out that Robert's kids are bastards of Cersei and Jaime. His death was blamed on the Lannisters to destabilize Westeros.
*Lysa Arryn: Loli bride turned Lady of the Vale after the Lannisters forcibly retired her husband from life, at least officially. In reality, Littlefinger convinced her to poison her husband and blame the Lannisters [[Just As Planned|which pretty much started this whole clusterfuck to begin with]]. A closeted, crazy woman who spends the entire series in her castle "the Eyrie" being useless, breastfeeding her own son at age 10, obsessing over Littlefinger's cock, and [[Derp|refusing to help her sister and nephew in the war she and Littlefinger pretty much started]], which may have guaranteed their eventual horrific murders by their enemies. Finally gets her comeuppance when Littlefinger kicks her out the moon door (post-taunting, of course), putting her out of our collective misery. Long live the Lord Protector.
* Robert Arryn: ''Littlefuck'', Lysa's equally mentally unstable autistic son, who still sucks on his mom's tit and enjoys seeing people "fly" out the moon door to their deaths. He actually seems to be a bit smarter than you would first think and is a really, really good judge of character, except with Sansa. Secretly being poisoned by Littlefinger and Sansa so she can take over the Vale and North. Named Robin in the show because the showrunners were afraid that having two characters with the same name would be too confusing. The show version doesn't get poisoned but turns up in the series finale as the Lord of the Vale.</div></div>

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===House Greyjoy===

''"We Do Not Sow"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Awesome|A house founded by Cthulhu-worshipping Norscans]]. While not actual Vikings in any sense of the word, there is little other way to describe them. They live on some islands off the coast of Westeros and almost their entire culture is based around raiding and the ocean. Their religion holds it shameful for a man to pay for personal possessions, and states they have to get things either by trade, washing up from the ocean or the "Iron Price": seizing something from the body or belongings of someone he defeated in battle rather than paying or trading for it. Also, only possessions acquired via the Iron Price command respect among the Ironborn. The nastiest form this takes is stealing women as "Salt Wives", [[Emperor's Children|effectively making them a society of rapists]]. As an interesting bit of trivia, their local variety of baptism is to be ritually drowned in seawater and resuscitated by their priests, and they don't see drowning as a bad way to go on the grounds that it means their god/gods have accepted them and they'll go to an underwater Heaven that's basically a more X-rated version of The Little Mermaid.
*Balon Greyjoy: Asshole dad, crappy ruler, and general shithead (all very common things in this world, but still) who rebelled against Robert Baratheon and failed miserably. All of his sons were killed, except for Theon, who was taken as a hostage to ensure his good behaviour. Despite being in a position to join either the Lannisters or the Starks during the War of Five Kings and thereby get whatever he wanted from either (independence and the North, or independence and Casterly Rock, respectively), he does the absolute stupidest thing possible and declares himself independent without support from anyone, attacking the North and the rest of Westeros, thereby virtually guaranteeing that he'll be on the receiving end of another one-sided battle once everyone else has sorted their shit out. In the book he at least tried to make one alliance but it was with the freaking Lannisters and not the other Kingdom seeking independence. Never got that far, though, since he was pushed off a bridge during a storm by an assassin his brother Euron sent.
*Victarion Greyjoy: Admiral of the Iron Fleet. [[Gets shit done]] while wearing [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Lokhir Fellheart's]] armour during boarding actions. Does it for vengeance, the lulz and as a ticket to Ironborn heaven (which they believe men can reach if they die in battle or by drowning). Worships both R'hllor and the Drowned God. For all his badassery, is far too stupid to realize that his black Red Priest sidekick's constant rambling about his "great destiny" is inevitably going to end in his burning to death on a sacrificial pyre. Said Red Priest impressed Victarion by surviving being marooned at sea for 3 weeks and turning Victarion's infected arm into a super-strong volcano arm. Seriously. Isn't in the show, which is lame.
*Aeron Greyjoy ''Damphair'': [[Kostaltyn|A priestly Alan Moore who drank seawater]]. Once a fun-loving party animal, he nearly drowned during the Greyjoy Rebellion and became a dour and devout priest of the Ironborn [[Cthulhu]] religion. Confirmed to have been raped by Euron when they were kids. Planned to overthrow Euron, who bribed and manipulated his way into becoming king of the Ironborn. As of the excerpts from the sixth book, he [[Grimdark|Was captured by Euron and tortured to try and make him renounce his faith, including feeding him spoiled food, drugging him and burning him. Later Euron tied Aeron, naked, to the prow of Euron's ship alongside Euron's tortured, pregnant former lover because she showed Aeron kindness by once giving him proper food]]. He tried to console her by saying their suffering will end in underwater Valhalla, [[Awesome|showing Euron failed to make him deny his faith]]. Also left out of the show.
*Theon Greyjoy: Son of the Lord/King of the Iron Islands. Had the personality of a stereotypical high school jock, being an excellent archer and womanizer and proud of it. He was given to Ned Stark by his father after Balon failed to successfully rebel against Robert Baratheon. Swore an oath to Robb, but then ditched him out of a desperate need to please his father. Ends up castrated and acts as the personal slave of Ramsay Bolton after Ramsay puts him through horrific torture to turn him into Reek. Rescued by his sister, but the psychological trauma meant it took a while before he could stop calling himself Reek and start getting back to normal mentally (physically he's now missing a few parts that don't heal or grow back). He's just been reunited with his sister in the books, but is dead in the show, thanks to charging the Night King by himself while protecting Bran.
* Asha Greyjoy: Theon's older sister and a commander of some renown which is quite a feat - almost every man on the Iron Islands except her father either tried to get in her pants or told her to [[-4 STR|stop playing around and go do some actual women's work]], before she kicked enough ass that they respected her. Rescues Theon after he escapes Ramsay but then loses him to Stannis. Is named Yara in the show because the showrunners thought her name sounded too similar to Osha the wildling chick and is also apparently [[PROMOTIONS|bisexual]]. Eventually becomes Lady of the Iron Islands in the show because she's the last Greyjoy standing. Is more or less the only Ironborn who isn't a complete asshole.
*Euron Greyjoy ''Crow's Eye'': A [[Chaos Warrior|sick fuck Lovecraftian pirate armed with unnatural sorcerous powers]] and so evil that Balon banished him from the Iron Islands. Every member of his crew is a mute because Euron ripped all their tongues out. Many of them are also the illegitimate sons [[Beastmen|of women he's raped around the world during his raids]]. Uses an eyepatch to conceal a pitch-black eye, his personal "obviously a villain" mark. Raped his brother Victarion's wife, then claimed she wanted it so Victarion had to kill her. Raped his younger brother Aeron. Also showed back up in the Iron Islands the day after Balon died, despite having been raping and pillaging in Essos before that, which is suspicious as fuck. Now the new Iron King. Plans to conquer Westeros and has some unknown plan to deal with Daenerys. Revealed in the book ''Winds of Winter'' to be [[Erebus|one of the sickest fucks in an entire setting of sick fucks (and that's saying something)]], including having a god complex while hating religion so much he [[Grimdark|tortures any clergymen he captures to try and make them give up their faiths using ironic tortures themed around their religions - such as preachers have their tongues cut out and burning priests of the fire god to death]]. Euron tried and failed to break his priest brother Aeron's faith so he lashed Aeron to the front of his ship to die [[Grimdark|alongside Euron's own pregnant lover Falia]], in what could be preparations for the [[Betrayal at Calth|ruinstorm]].
**In the show he's just a psycho pirate turned king without any magic powers or gear [[FAIL|who wants to bang Cersei. Jaime kills him in the second-to-last episode in one of the dumbest moments in an already terrible episode.]]
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===House Tyrell===

''"Growing Strong"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Lords of Highgarden and the Reach, backstabbers par-excellence, and owners of a lot of fertile land: of the Seven Kingdoms, the Reach is the "biggest," having the most people, the largest army, and a stable, if not agrarian economy; yes, the Westerlands is richer, yes, the Stormlands have/had the strongest military, and yes, the Vale is the most honor-and-chivalry obsessed, but the Reach and the Tyrells are the only ones who can compete with all three at once. Unlike the current lot of Lannisters they understand the value of good PR, balancing ruthlessness with being somewhat amicable, political savvy and not being stuck-up on honour (which they still have more of than the Lannisters do). They're a bit analogous to France. In the books, it's the Tyrells and their support that keeps the throne aloft post-Robert, first aiding Joffrey, then Tommen. They were "shrewd" enough to stay out of Robert's Rebellion and outside of his court while Tywin was in charge, so their lands are basically untouched by war: the Reach's cities are also the most beautiful, with Highgarden and Oldtown being notable for not smelling like shit and full of garbage. [[Fail|Unfortunately, they've all been wiped out in the show]].

*Mace "The Ace" Tyrell: Lord of Highgarden. Massively fat and overweight, while being stupid, overreaching and constantly mocked by everyone else, he's otherwise known as a friendly man, a good Lord when it comes to management and a good father; in the books, The Throne uses him to print gold and alleviate hunger during the War of the Five Kings, so they give him and his family a bunch of positions to keep them invested. Unfortunately, this isn't enough to save a man in the Game of Thrones. Gets killed with the rest of the noble houses when Cersei blows up the Great Sept of Baelor.
*Olenna Tyrell: The brains behind House Tyrell's schemes. Known as the ''Queen of Thorns'' for being an outspoken, prickly and venomous old lady. Schemed with Littlefinger to have Joffrey killed, but she carried it out with compressed powder "gems" hidden in Sansa's hairnet that poisoned his wine. She is to the Tyrells as Tywin is to the Lannisters, except her daughter isn't a narcissistic sociopath.
**Alive and well in the books (so far), where she's pretty much the same as the show. She has taken Margaery as her successor, which is why she made sure she'd be engaged to Tommen and had Joffrey offed.
**Became a fan-favorite for constantly dropping awesome one-liners and calling out smug and/or unpopular characters like Littlefinger and the Sand Snakes. [[Fail|Killed off in the show]] as Jaime gives her the option of drinking painless poison or whatever Cersei wanted to do to her after beseiging Highgarden. Olenna took the poison, and before she died [[Awesome|revealed to Jaime that she was the one who killed Joffrey and told him to make sure Cersei knows it]].
*Willas Tyrell: Mace Tyrell's eldest son and heir, crippled at a very young age when jousting against Oberyn Martell. Surprisingly, he and Oberyn are still bros, even though the rest of their Houses aren't very fond of each other because of this incident. Probably one of the most pleasant and sensible characters in the books, which might explain why they never included him in the TV show. Very fond of breeding animals, especially horses.
*Garlan Tyrell ''The Gallant'': Second-born son. Badass extraordinaire considered one of the best swords in Westeros, and one of the few people kind to Tyrion. Trains for real combat (often against multiple opponents by himself) unlike Loras, who's a tourney fighter. Single-handedly wrecks many notable knights fighting for Stannis during the War of The Five Kings. And he is the only person other than Tywin to put Joffrey in his place, at his own wedding. Sadly no POV chapter yet and omitted from the TV series (Loras takes credit for his deeds).
*Loras Tyrell ''The Knight of Flowers'': The Tyrell who appears most in the TV series, since his older brothers got adapted out. Considered to be an example of the perfect knight, despite his youth. Is secretly Renly's gay lover and conspired to take the throne with him and his sister. He was elevated to the Kingsguard as part of the Lannister's appeasement of the Tyrells, but also to ensure that Margaery would be safe if it turned out they couldn't kill Joff/Tommen turned out to be a sociopath too. Last seen badly injured in the books attempting to take Stannis' castle in order to to prove his honor after the Faith Militant locked up his sister, but because none of Cersei's sources could visually confirm it, it's likely that the Tyrells ([[Iron warriors|it was ''their'' forces that did the sieging]], after all) fabricated a story to get their boy out of there. In the show he ends up tortured by the members of the Faith for being gay [[C.S Goto|because the showrunners retconned them to hate gay people]], [[Protectorate of Menoth|later joins their ranks of questionable willingness]], then dies when Cersei blows up the Sept of Baelor.
*Margaery Tyrell: The would-be Queen of Westeros, she has married, in order, Renly Baratheon (gay), Joffrey Baratheon (evil), and Tommen Baratheon (8 years old) and has been crowned as queen three times. While she is nice, like Disney Princess-in-a-grimdark-setting-nice, she is still her grandmother's protege , and so is the source of Cersei's paranoia (which is kinda valid as the Tyrells did off Joffrey so that the more-controllable and non-sociopathic Tommen could marry Margy). Cersei was so paranoid about Marge's ascension that she decided to legitimize the Sparrows and allow them to reform the [[Age of Apostasy|Faith Militant]], all because she was afraid Tommen would listen to Margaery more than her.
**In the show, she marries and uses sex to control Tommen, because the show needed to hit its titty quota and because Tommen is a teenager in the show. Was arrested by the resident Chamber Militant The Sparrow and asked for a trial by faith in the books. In the show, this also happens but she tries to be pious in an attempt to save herself but ended up getting killed when Cersei blew up the Sept of Baelor.
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===House Martell===

''"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"''
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[[Tallarn|Desert dwelling survivalists]] who [[Dune|pride themselves on having never been conquered]] by the Targaryen dynasty (though they later married in). Moorish Spaniards, kinda. Their entire thing is that they're nothing like the rest of the Seven Kingdoms: they're descended from the Rhoynar, a group of people that used to live along one of Essos' longest rivers who practice absolute cognatic (the oldest child, regardless of gender, inherits the throne) succession and take a very liberal attitude towards sex. House Martell also has a rocky relationship with the rest of the kingdom: The Baratheons don't trust them because they were all Targaryen loyalists, the Reach doesn't like them because of historic wars between the two, and House Martell has never forgiven House Lannister for Clegane's rape and murder of Elia Martell, Rhaegar's first wife and mother of his children.
[[C.S Goto|Their story arc was completely ruined in the show, as Elia and Oberyn's daughters kill Oberyn's brother and nephew for taking too long to avenge him before being captured and killed themselves by Euron and Cersei]].
*Doran Martell: Lord of Sunspear and of royal descent. Still mad at the Lannisters about that whole "murdered-my-sister-and-infant-niece thing". Playing the longest of long games with Varys, which blew up in his face because he told ''no one in his family'' about his schemes (well, maybe Oberyn, but Oberyn is dead).
**[[What|Killed off in the show by Ellaria as part of her plan to avenge Oberyn]]. Even his actor was upset.
*Arianne Martell: One of GRRM's characters who seems to exists solely to fuck everything up at the worst conceivable moment. Still hot as Dornish girls come. See, she is technically the heir of Dorne, being the ''first-born'' daughter, and yet was shut out of most of her father's meetings and plans, which caused her to get upset because even Oberyn treats all of his bastards better than her dad treats her. After Doran ''seemingly'' accepts his own brother's death without any sort of fuss, she decides that her father is weak and plans to start ''another'' front in the War of Five Kings by putting Myrcella up on the throne. However, one of her dad's spies gives them up, and in a huge clusterfuck, Myrcella gets maimed by one of the pro-war knights. She is then taken to her father, who finally spills the beans on his grand scheme: the reason why she was sidelined by her father was because he had secretly betrothed her to her Viserys, but now that Viserys is dead, plans to see if he can broker an alliance with "Aegon," Rhaegar and Elia's son who "supposedly" was secreted away and replaced with doubles.
*Oberyn Martell ''The Viper of Dorne'': Doran Martell's brother, a bisexual swinger, former mercenary, and a drunkard (and also Inigo Montoya in Dark Fantasy). His girlfriend is a spectacularly beautiful bastard named Ellaria Sand and he has many illegitimate children, mostly daughters, collectively called "The Sand Snakes". Crippled the Tyrell heir in a joust, causing a rift between the two houses; despite this, he's actually best mates with the aforementioned heir, due to Willas Tyrell being straight up the nicest and most balanced man in the series and Oberyn being a very decent person. Known for poisoning his weapons, as well as his battle-cry. Died from a mutual kill, with Gregor Clegane crushing his skull in rather graphically, but Oberyn getting the last laugh, since he got Clegane with a horribly painful and slow-acting venom which stretched his death over days or even weeks, during which time he was ruthlessly experimented upon by a mad scientist, meaning he avenged his sister Elia who Gregor had raped and murdered. [[Sanguinius|So to sum it up, he's a spear-wielding badass whose death in battle against a major villain was deeply traumatizing for all in-universe and out]].

*Quentyn Martell: Didn't realize he was in Dark Low Fantasy and thought he was in High Fantasy, poor bastard. A member of House Martell, sent to marry Daenerys to secure an alliance between the families since the original marriage plan to hook Arianne up with Viserys won't work with Viserys dead. Leaves Westeros and goes all the way to the city of Meereen to marry her, but he's too late, as she marries the Meereenese noble Hizdahr, and like Jorah he's not her type (Dany likes her bad boys). Tries to tame two of her dragons to impress her; the attempt goes wrong, he gets horribly burnt and gradually dies in agony from his wounds.
*The Sand Snakes: Oberyn's children. All daughters he had with various women throughout his travels (all consensual encounters, mind you, which actually says a lot about Westeros that it has to be said). Mixed race and all hot with various skills including combat training and mastery of poisons. Working with Doran and Ellaria in the books.
**[[C.S Goto|Ruined in the show where they don't accomplish anything, are given atrocious dialogue (the "you need the bad pussy" line comes to mind), aren't great fighters and get killed by Euron's men, except for the one who poisoned Myrcella; she gets captured and poisoned back by Cersei so an imprisoned Ellaria is forced to watch her die and decompose.]]</div></div>

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===House Bolton===

''"Our Blades Are Sharp"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Starks' most important (and most despised) vassal, a former arch-rival made of [[Grimdark]] because their entire theme [[Dark Eldar|revolves around Torture]] and they're [[Night Lords|thoroughly awful, dishonorable, sadistic cowards who can be counted on to do every dirty trick possible before even trying to fight fair. Their sigil is a crucified and flayed man]], their castle is [[Commorragh|a complex of constant suffering called the Dreadfort]], and just look at their House motto...all of which shows how stupid the Starks were for thinking they could control them. Tied with Red Wedding collaborators the Freys as the most thoroughly vile house in the entire setting (no mean feat, all things considered).
*Roose Bolton, ''The 'Leech Lord'': A Lawful Evil sociopathic health nut who's called the Leech Lord because he gets leeched regularly, believing they get rid of bad blood. Second-most powerful Lord in the North with ambitions to depose the Starks. Since the Starks are mostly unable to think like crafty people and are blinded by excessive honour this doesn't prove too difficult. He gets his wish when he stabs Robb Stark in the back, at his uncle's wedding no less, and has anyone associated with Robb killed. He then makes over Winterfell in his bloody image and is currently trolling Stannis. Believes in the abolished practice of "[[Rape|Droit du seigneur]]" (a tradition that allowed a lord to have sex with subordinate women, whether they wanted to or not) and killed at least one man for trying to hide his wife from Roose (before fathering Ramsay with her via rape). Believed that he and his son could be as evil as they wanted as long as no one found out. Killed by Ramsey in the show, which Ramsay tried to cover with a lie despite the witnesses to his actions. May also be dead in the books, since the letter Jon receives from Winterfell in book five is addressed from Lord Ramsay Bolton.
*Ramsay Snow/Bolton: <s>A Dark Elf with shaved ears in the wrong universe</s>. <s>The Joker of Westeros</s>. The Chaotic Evil incarnate bastard son of Roose Bolton and a peasant woman he raped [[Grimdark|(under the hanging corpse of the woman's husband, for fuck's sake!)]]. One of the most fucked up people in all of the Seven Kingdoms (alongside the Mountain, Joffrey, the original Reek, the pedophile marauder Rorge and Euron), because he [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|loves to torture and kill people openly for the lulz]], such as Theon Greyjoy, who he crippled, knocked his teeth out, castrated, and brainwashed into calling himself Reek. Reek was originally a peasant appointed to try and control a young Ramsay, but instead Ramsay warped him into a mentally unstable necrophiliac before killing Reek to fake his death, but Ramsay seemed to hold some twisted affection for him. He also sent Theon's severed appendage to Theon's dad in a cutesy box with a letter mockingly detailing his evilness. Will torture anyone who points out his illegitimate heritage even though now he's legally recognized as a Bolton. Also has a pack of hunting dogs he names after women he hunts, rapes and kills. Married a fake Arya Stark and regularly mistreats her, including forced bestiality. Not a fun guy to be around. The only reason he's gotten away with it for so long (as pointed out by his father) is that no one is strong enough to stand up to him yet, but [[Powder Keg of Justice|when they are]] he's going to be killed (especially if his fate in the show is anything to go by).
**In the show, he killed his father with a knife, fed his stepmother and newborn half-brother to his dogs, then married Sansa Stark and deflowered her via rape. Ramsay was such a monster even Iwan Rheon, THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE GUY, hoped he'd die horribly. He got his wish: The consequences of Ramsay's actions catch up with him when Jon Snow shows up with an army capable of threatening him, and after surprise reinforcements from Littlefinger and his own fucked-up teamkilling, the Starks crush the Bolton army, forcing Ramsay to flee back to Winterfell. Despite this, the gate is smashed down, and Jon disarms him and beats him quite brutally before detaining him to await trial. Before the trial Sansa sets his dogs on him, which he had deliberately starved so they would eat Jon. Apparently they found him quite tasty. For all that Season 6 of GoT is Skub, there likely aren't many who would object to this moment.
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===House Frey===

''"We Stand Together"''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> House of weasels who are always grumpy and have a thing for overreacting to perceived slights. Wouldn't be that important except for the fact that they own the only bridge over a strategically important river, and regularly extort anyone attempting to cross it...that, and performing the Red Wedding, AKA the Magnum Opus of Grimdark that single-handedly ensures they're [[Marines Malevolent|the most hated fucks in the whole setting in-universe and out.]] Simply put, there is '''nothing''' good or nice you can say about the Freys. They're ugly inside and out, cruel, treacherous, thoroughly dishonorable, and aren't even strong warriors, being a mix of incompetent dumbasses and sadistic cowards. They'd all make excellent Skaven (especially considering they could stand to be killed by some Lizardmen).

*Walder Frey: The ancient, terrible, ornery old man in charge of the Twins. Universally detested by his peers (and the audience) for being an amoral, sociopathic opportunist, which he returns in kind for said peers "looking down on him" (can't imagine why), and will readily betray an important ally for immediate gain, or if he feels he has been slighted in some minor way, with the aforementioned Red Wedding being the most infamous example of both. His descendants are literally so numerous that no one except GRRM himself has been able to count them all, so we aren't even going to attempt it (not helped by quite a few of them being named Walder as well). Now dead in the show due to getting his throat slit by a vengeful Arya after she serves him two of his sons as meat pies. </div></div>

===Minor Houses and non-Houses===
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'''Night's Watch'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Night's Watch are an apolitical force in charge of manning The Wall, a giant ice wall that separates the relative tranquillity of the south from the Lovecraftian fucked-up-itude of the true north. They are chronically undermanned and undersupplied since nobody believes their stories of a barbarian army or the impending zombie apocalypse. Basically everybody else thinks they're in a game of [[Diplomacy]] and the Night's Watch are the only ones who realize they're actually in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]], though it's been so long since the last snow elf invasion that even they had forgotten about the undead hordes and focused too much on barbarians. Too add to their problems, they are overwhelmingly comprised of petty criminals who wanted to avoid the hangman, because "taking the black", as it's colloquially known, also brings with it a full pardon for any crime committed, even murder and treason (even rape, though rapists tend to be despised among the Night's Watch). Taking the black isn't also very popular, as a common joke in the Seven Kingdoms is that out 10 people, only would one would willfully take the black, the rest would rather get hanged. They also frequently serve as a convinient catch-all solution for Lords and nobles who fell out of favor, committed treason or were outwitted in the endless Westerosi wheel of politics; lucky for them because said Lords and Nobles are usually the only ones with any fighting experience that are part of the watch and make up their leadership. They've allied with the Wildings and the North, but in the TV show, the Night's King used the undead dragon Viserion to burn a hole through The Wall.
*Jeor Mormont, ''The Old Bear'': 997th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch at the start of the series. Sees Jon Snow as something of a second son (since his own son Jorah was exiled for enslaving and refused to take the black for his crimes). Leads a ranging north of the Wall to investigate reports that the Others have returned. Ends up killed during a mutiny of survivors after the Others wiped out most of his force.
*Alliser Thorne: Prick of a knight who was favourite to be the next Watch Commander, but was passed over by Jon Snow. Unable to accept Jon Snow letting the Wildlings live on the other side of the wall in an alliance against the zombie hordes, he staged a coup against Jon. It failed because Jon was brought back to life. He is now dead in the show, having been executed for his treason by Jon Snow. Despite of his many personal failings, he's one of the very few capable fighters (and a pretty good one, even) of the Watch and a skilled commander. Took the Black after siding with the Targaryens during the Sack of King's Landing in the civil war.
*Aemon Targaryen: Maester of the Citadel at Castle Black. Despite being the third born son of King Maekar I Targaryen, he declined the right to sit on the Iron Throne. One of the few people in the series to die of old age, at 102.
*Samwell Tarly, ''The Slayer'': Fat bookworm who was forced to take the black after his father Randyl threatened to murder him for being unmanly. Jon Snow's best friend among the Night's Watch, and knows everything because he "read it in a book". Despite being a self-professed coward, Sam became the first person in thousands of years to slay an Other with an obsidian dagger. George Martin himself said Sam's based on Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Since then, he has started improving his combat skills and balls (in more ways than one for the latter, finding his spine and losing his virginity). He abandons the Night's Watch to help fight the dead and tell Jon who he really is, and winds up becoming the new Grand Maester by the end of the show.
*Eddison Tollett, ''Dolorous Edd'': Probably the most badass member of the Night's Watch. Responds to situations by making sarcastic jokes about them, and known for being a grim motherfucker in a setting of grim motherfuckers. In the show he [[Awesome|became the new Lord Commander]] while Jon was dead, but gave the title back to Jon when he was brought back to life, and then Jon handed it right back because he needed to go sort out Ramsay Bolton. Dies in Season 8 at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Benjen Stark: The [[Dune|Duncan Idaho]] of this series, the dead guy all the other characters and all the ''readers'' love so much someone has to bring him back from the dead in later books. Benjen is Eddard Stark's youngest brother and the prime motivation why Jon wants to join the Night's Watch in the first place. Joined the Watch for reasons unknown and disappears without a trace even before Jon arrives. In the TV series, he returns as a benevolent Wight that retained his free will and helps Bran to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.
*Qhorin Half-Hand: Badass extraordinaire that killed a shitton of Wildlings in his long time of service, rumoured to have spent more time north of the Wall than anyone living southerner in the setting. Lets himself get killed by Jon in a gambit to earn Mance Rayders respect.
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'''Wildlings'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Groups of nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes who live north of the Wall. Mostly First Men by blood, they have been heading toward the Wall for the past decade with the reputed reemergence of the Others. Nomadic, aggressive, and very much believing in "might makes right", they do not get along with anyone south of The Wall since they view them as "Kneeling weaklings". Basically every Celtic/Scandinavian/barbarian stereotype combined.
*Mance Rayder, ''The King Beyond The Wall'': A Wildling orphan who was taken in by the Night's Watch, he became their best Ranger before he deserted to join his people. He united the Wildlings and lead them south to escape the Others. Also a trained bard, but that was not enough to save him from death in the show while he's merely MIA in the books.
*Tormund Giantsbane: Claims to have a ten-inch penis, and invites his enemies to use their mouths if they want to clean it. Cool as fuck old guy who [[Furry|fucks mother-bears]] in his free time. Tough as nails motherfucker who preaches the merits of using one's cock for everything. He teams up with Jon Snow for the fight against the White Walkers, then fucks off back to the north once the Night King is dead, making him one of the most sensible people on the show. He and Jon go off to be bros at the end of the show.
*Ygritte: Wildling woman who Jon Snow ends up falling for and who returns his affections. Has red hair which is considered lucky among the Wildlings. This being ''A Song of Ice and Fire'', she ends up dying because her worldview is not compatible with Jon's.
*Craster: A sick bastard, formerly a member of the Night's Watch turned polygamous isolationist. By the way, [[Grimdark|his current wives are his many daughters and granddaughters who he fucks regularly to have more children. Girls grow up to become more wives, boys get sacrificed to the Others]]. This keeps the Others at bay - and is implied to be a way the Others reproduce themselves, and that sanctuary is why the Night's Watch barely tolerates him. Fortunately, he's been killed off in the story and his offspring go their separate ways.
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'''Commoners, Knights, and Petty Lords'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Basically any character not associated with any of the Great Houses.
* Varys, ''The Spider'': The eunuch spymaster of Westeros. You can't take a shit in the Seven Kingdoms without Varys finding out where, when, and how watery or dry it was. He does this through paid informants and his "little birds", a spy network of children who sneak through the castle's passageways and air flues to eavesdrop on everyone. Somewhat of a paradoxical character, since his literal dicklessness, reputation and political power make every character extremely vary of him (it's more or less implied that the main thing keeping him in the small council is the fact that he has got enough shit on everyone to blackmail them into submission if they would dare step out of his line) but under the surface, he is the rare example of people in Westeros that isn't an entirely self-serving scumbag and seems to show genuine care and concern for the common folk [[Just as planned|(Even if his machinations frequently put commonors in peril, but hey, such is politics)]]. To that end, he manipulated events that, according to his plan, would end with a Targaryen on the throne, to permanently stabilize the realm and rid it of the aformentioned self-serving idiots. On a sidenote, he's one of the few, if not the only person to fully comprehend how dangerous Littlefinger actually is. In the books, he's currently trying to install an adolescent Targaryen on the Iron Throne (who probably isn't even one, but he got the looks) Dead in the show, having decided to try and put Jon on the throne instead of Daenerys; Jon says no, Tyrion sells him out when he realizes Jon absolutely means it, and Dany has Drogon barbecue him.
* Petyr Baelish, ''Littlefinger'': The Master of Coin (the ASOIAF equivalent of a treasurer) and the closest person the Game of Thrones world has to a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Tzeentch]], up to even declaring "[[Chaos]] is a Ladder". A dangerous manipulator who manages to trick and steal his way to positions of lordship and wealth because no one takes him seriously, and stabs all the Lannisters in the back when they become inconvenient. As a child, he wanted Catelyn Stark and was tricked into thinking she wanted him when her sister Lysa fucked him while he was drunk. Challenged Catelyn's betrothed Brandon Stark, Ned's older brother who was murdered by Aerys, for her hand in marriage and got his ass kicked because he was a small skinny boy and Brandon Stark was a big strapping man, making that his start of darkness. The guy responsible, directly or indirectly, for the War of the Five Kings because he was the mastermind behind poisoning Jon Arryn, the capture and execution of Ned Stark, feeding several half-truths to Catelyn to motivate her to arrest Tyrion, and eventually Joffrey's death by having Dontos and Olenna Tyrell carry out the plan to kill Joffrey and letting Tyrion take the fall; but no one in the story knows this, not even Varys. People think he can pull gold out of thin air, but he's really been buying debt while letting Robert Baratheon's extravagances and Joffrey and Cersei's dipshittery pull the country into a serious debt of its own. So he's pledged himself to [[Chaos]] and destroying Westeros all because he couldn't have Catelyn as his girlfriend, though he changed his focus to her daughter Sansa now, making him a pedophile. Hasn't yet got his comeuppance in the books, but is currently dead in the show after he was out-gambitted by Sansa and killed by Arya (though the less said about how well executed this was, the better). According to GRRM, he's based on the title character from the Great Gatsby, even though he only really resembles the character when putting on an act. [[Erebus|Basically has the role of a treacherous figure who gives bad advice on purpose and is responsible for the series of events that lead to a massive, devastating war with horrible consequences, making him one of the vilest folks in the 'verse]].
*Gregor Clegane, ''The Mountain'': A 7' 8" 400 pound mass of testosterone, muscles, steroid overdose, [[Slaanesh|utter disregard for consent]], [[Khorne|and murderous RAGE]], Gregor is Tywin Lannister's top muscle. Killed his own father and sister and permanently scarred his brother. [[Beastmen|Hobbies include rape, arson, murder, and random torture]]; he's also been married a few times but not now with the implication he kept killing his wives. He played an important part in destroying the Targaryens by killing a couple of Rhaegar's kids in rather brutal fashion, then raping and murdering his wife. Spends a few novels doing Tywin's dirty work before a Trial by Champion leads to him dying after being poisoned by Oberyn Martell. Qyburn later resurrected him as... something... called "Ser Robert Strong", and is now even stronger, less prone to psychotic rages, and is completely obedient. He's based on accounts of French knight Gilles de Rais and maybe also the scriptural giant Goliath. In the show he goes on to torture Cersei's nun jailer to death in a brutal and unspecified fashion kills Qyburn during the Siege of King's Landing and then nearly kills his little brother, only for Sandor to tackle him through a collapsing wall and into a gigantic inferno that claims both. [[Honsou|Standing out as one of ''the'' evilest pieces of shit in a world filled with them]], to the point that even the author himself has labeled him the worst character in the series.
* Sandor Clegane, ''The Hound'': Younger brother to Gregor Clegane, called the Hound because of his hound-face helm, his family's heraldry, and being the king's hired muscle without being a knight. He hates knights due to the hypocrisy of being a professional "noble warrior" but mostly since his monstrous brother is a knight, showing it's not so much of a noble promotion. Terrified of fire after Gregor put his head against a brazier for playing with one of Gregor's old toys when they were children, burning half his face, but he's still the second-strongest person in Westeros. A brutal anti-hero with a soft spot for Sansa, but a better person than his brother. After falling sick from Biter's nasty teeth, he ends up being a silent monk burying people in the Silent Isles. In the show, he joins the Brotherhood without Banners and goes north to help fuck up the White Walkers. As of Season 8, he's survived the Battle of Winterfell and is riding south with Arya to put the boots to Gregor. Dies killing his now undead brother in a pretty epic fight amidst the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep.
*Grand Maester Pycelle: A shrewd, dangerous man putting on a "harmless old man act" and a high ranking scholar from the science/medical guild the Maesters. The longest-serving member of the King's advisory staff, and is actually Tywin Lannister's biggest lackey. He convinced the Mad King to let Tywin in as Baratheon's armies were marching on the capital, where Tywin proceeded to sack the city and claim it for Robert. Gets his head bashed in by Varys in the books and murdered by Qyburn in the show.
* Qyburn: Formerly a maester, who was kicked out of the order for unethical experiments on the living (taking people and performing vivisections to be precise). Introduced as a part of a mercenary company serving Roose Bolton, which should be a red flag. He moves up in the world when he's sent to escort Brienne and Jaime back to King's Landing and ends with Cersei employing him to replace Pycelle as "science advisor" and eventually Varys's Spymaster. Serves Cersei loyally as long as she lets him indulge his sick experiments, serving as a black magic variety of the court mage. He has resurrected Gregor Clegane as... something. [[Fabius Bile]] if he traded his robot limbs, eugenics and power armour for necromancy. He overestimated his hold on Gregor and got his head caved in for it as of the second-to-last episode of the show.
*Barristan Selmy, ''The Bold'': Knight of the Kingsguard. Which Kingsguard? Take your pick. He's served pretty much every king since Aerys and understandably feels pretty bad about it. Another sad old man who pretty much just wants to die until he decides to go pledge his services to Daenerys. Even in his old age, he is considered one of the most dangerous men in Westeros. [[Fail|Dead in the show]] (to be fair they gave him a huge last stand), but [[Awesome|alive]] and [[Roboute Guilliman|appointed himself Daenerys' steward in her absence to try and fix Meereen's situation in the books]].
*Melisandre, ''The Red Witch'': A priestess of R'hllor, the god of fire. Proclaimed Stannis to be the messiah-king and is doing everything in her power to make sure he wins (considerable given that she can scry, make shadow baby assassins and set things on fire with her mind). She'd be pretty bro-tier if her god wasn't so vicious. As it stands she's kind of in the grey (in the books, the show seems to zig-zag on her being evil 'cos the showrunners seem to hate religion). Most of the people she set on fire deserved it, and she hasn't ''succeeded'' in killing any babies yet. Show version now dead from suicide via rapid ageing after ensuring the Living defeat the Dead.
*Jorah Mormont: A knight and son of Jeor Mormont, exiled for trying to sell poachers into slavery and eventually joining the exiles of House Targaryen. He is offered a pardon in exchange for spying on the Targaryens but ultimately decides to stay with them after falling in love with Daenerys. Unfortunately, he gets friend-zoned hard. Despite saving her life from an assassin while she was pregnant, she still votes him off the Khalassar after learning he was a spy. He still loves her and follows her in secret, though. In the show, he goes on a quest to prove himself to her and contracts the dangerous disease Greyscale (it's like the unholy lovechild of smallpox and leprosy), but he gets cured and is now back at her side. He dies protecting her at the Battle of Winterfell.
*[[This Guy|Davos Seaworth]], ''The Onion Knight'': A former smuggler and bannerman to House Baratheon, and a top-tier hype man, pulling speeches out on the spot on several occasions to convince people to support Stannis and later Jon. One of the most Noblebright characters in the setting, which really isn't bad for a man that only just now learned how to read. During Roberts Rebellion he ran a blockade with a cargo of contraband onions to a castle Stannis Baratheon was besieged in. In exchange for the food he had, Stannis knighted Davos, [[Rules Lawyer|but Stannis's law-worshipping mindset compelled him to remove four digits from his left hand]]. Despite this, Davos has served Stannis with unquestioning loyalty, because Stannis knighting him gave his children a future. The fact that Stannis's war for the throne has ended up killing several of his sons hasn't dented his loyalty at all. **Doesn't like Melisandre because he sees her as a user and her beliefs as brutal. He's a devout follower of the Faith of the Seven in the books and the first season of the show [[C.S Goto|but is clumsily retconned into an anti-religious atheist in later show seasons]]. In the show, he's now pledged to DA NORF and is basically Jon's Hand of the King, except he doesn't get a fancy pin. He survives the Battle of Winterfell and the Second Sack of King's Landing and becomes Master of Ships in the final episode of the show.
*Shae: A former camp follower and Tyrion Lannister's squeeze for most of the story. Fled from an abusive family and became a camp follower to earn a living. Seems to fall in love with Tyrion, but it turns out she's a gold-digging bitch. When Tyrion doesn't marry Shae she sells him out to Cersei for a better offer, then fucks Tywin when she realizes Cersei won't keep her promise. Tyrion found her in his father's bed and strangled her to death with a necklace for betraying him. The discovery of Shae's corpse in Tywin's bed - posthumously outing him as a whoremonger - upsets Cersei to the point she unpersons Shae.
*Bronn: A mercenary who acts as Tyrion's enforcer and personal killer until Cersei outbids him and he settles down with a little wife and title. Routinely kills knights by exploiting how arrogant and stupid they are even after becoming one himself. Only in it for the money, which he'll happily tell you himself. The only character other than Littlefinger to end every book in a better position than he started it. In the show, he makes the very sensible decision to sit out the fighting and wait for his promised castle (Riverrun if Cersei wins, Highgarden if Daenerys wins). He gets Highgarden and is named Lord Paramount of the Reach and Master of Coin in the final episode. Some nobles bitch about the idea of an upjumped thug receiving such high and exalted positions until he points out that their Houses were probably founded by people a lot like him.
* Brienne of Tarth, ''The Beauty'': Surprisingly badass lady knight wannabe (since no women can be knighted), legendarily unattractive but still pretty idealistic despite the shit she gets for her looks. Fate frequently gives her the shit end of the stick, because no matter how hard she tries to finish her quests, she ends up failing or stuff happens that makes it impossible. Secretly crushes on Renly and unaware he's gay. After he dies, Brienne switches her loyalty to Catelyn and helps her bring Jaime to King's Landing as Tyrion promised Sansa's return in exchange for Jaime. She later developed a crush on Jaime. Things don't go well because Jaime lost his hand and the Red Wedding happened. Next, Jaime sends her out to find and keep Sansa safe to make good on Tyrion's promise, since he isn't the complete dick everyone thinks he is. Brienne ends up getting captured by Cat, now known as Lady Stoneheart and an insane undead, who was going to hang Brienne for working with Jaime. Brienne was spared at the last moment to capture/manipulate Jaime.
**In the show, she's now sworn to House Stark and gets knighted by Jaime just before the Battle of Winterfell and then she and Jaime hook up afterwards, only for him to take off and break her heart, because remember kids, he'd rather fuck his sister than fuck an ugly chick. She is now Lady Commander of the Kingsguard as of the final episode.
* Lyanna Mormont: A badass ten-year-old girl who inherits [[Kislev|Bear Island]] after her mother and older sister die horribly in the Riverlands - at least if we are going by the show; in the book, her mother is still alive somewhere [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|waging a Guerilla War]] in the Neck and her older sister Alysanne is the de-facto head of House Mormont. Her activities include pimp-slapping bitches, leading men twice as old as her, and being completely loyal to the Starks despite all their misfortunes. [[Awesome|"Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK."]] She dies killing an undead giant at the Battle of Winterfell, which is pretty badass.
* Wyman Manderly, ''Lord Too-Fat-To-Sit-A-Horse'': The Lord of White Harbour and one of the few Northerners who worship the Seven. Fervently loyal to House Stark, he pays lip-service to the Iron Throne long enough for his eldest son to return home, all to mask a plan to restore the Starks to power, mostly by destabilising the Frey-Bolton alliance, building a navy, marshalling the forces of the lands east of the White Knife river, "losing" Freys in the wilderness and sending Lord Davos Seaworth to rescue Rickon Stark from Skagos. His favourite food is lamprey, although he has also developed a taste for Frey Pie. Also a remarkably graceful dancer, and can survive taking a knife to the throat.
** Wylla Manderly: Granddaughter to the above. Another badass little girl, her activities include openly declaring undying loyalty to House Stark and dying her hair green. She and Lyanna Mormont would probably be best friends if they met. [[Awesome|"The city is built upon the land [the Starks] gave us. In return, we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!"]]
* Jon Umber, ''The Greatjon'': At first he seems to be your stereotypical, boisterous Northern Lord. However, he becomes one of Robb's most loyal supporters, being first to declare him as 'King in the North' after Ned's execution. Had his moment of awesome [[Awesome|when he killed and wounded four Freys at the Red Wedding, all the while being drunk and needing eight additional men to take him down.]]
* Beric Dondarrion, ''The Lightning Lord'': Minor lord who agreed to head an expedition to take out Gregor Clegane. This being Game of Thrones, however, his party is ambushed by the Mountain and is beaten rather badly, and he loses his life in the process. Thanks to his drunken Red Priest friend, however, he manages to come back not once, but eight times, and each time he comes back, he becomes more powerful, though at the cost of his memory. He now heads an outlaw faction of grimdark Robin Hood types called "The Brotherhood Without Banners", who are dedicated to punishing those who abuse and mistreat the smallfolk. Ironically, he's one of the few book characters to have died (permanently) in the books but remain alive in the show, except now he's dead for real as of the Battle of Winterfell.
* Thoros of Myr: Aforementioned drunken priest who is dedicated to R'hllor, though at first he doesn't really give a rat's ass about the Red God, as he prefers to party it up with wine and women, but after he 'accidentally' resurrects Beric, he becomes quite serious about his religion and vows to curb his excesses in drinking. Dies on a mission beyond the Wall to capture a wight (show-version). Bane of swordsmiths across the lands, as he likes to routinely ignite his swords with Wildfire when he gets a hold of some of the stuff, which completely destroys the blade.
* The Brave Companions: Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be a faction in this setting as fucked up as the Boltons, Freys, and Ironborn, these guys come along and prove you wrong. A bunch of "mercenaries" who are really more just complete and utter lunatics that are incapable of doing what they're paid to in any way except the bloodiest and nastiest, all with maximum [[Rape]] thrown in too (especially if Brienne of Tarth is involved, because every single fucking one of these guys wants, tries to, or threatens to rape her at some point). Led by Vargo Hoat, a goat-helmet wearing maniac who likes cutting body parts off of his victims before killing them. The rest of his band consists of a bunch of other sickos who are every bit as bad as him (except Rorge, who is even worse). To put this into perspective, the member of the group who is a pedophile priest (Septon Utt), is the ''least'' evil one, if only because he actually regrets what he does and is suggested to do what he does because of urges he can't control. The rest? Forget about it. After Vargo's gruesome death at the hands of the even worse Gregor Clegane, the surviving Brave Companions scatter, effectively dissolving the group but meaning a bunch of these assholes are still active. Cut from the TV show completely.
** Rorge: Gregor Clegane 2.0, being ''another'' big, brutish, psychotic monster who rapes people and murders children and who is a Chaotic Evil super-thug through and through (because apparently we needed another one in the setting), with the added bit of awfulness of being a child-hating pedophile. Along with Gregor Clegane, one of the absolute worst characters in the entire series (a high bar, as you've probably gathered by now). Killed by Brienne. In the TV show, he's a completely forgettable one-shot, throwaway character who gets killed by Arya before he can really do anything and doesn't come anywhere close to the awfulness of his book version.
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'''The Free Cities'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Nine city-states to the West of Essos, for the most part, the old colonies of the Valaryian Freehold. Mostly they are ruled by Merchant Princes. They look down on the Westerosi for being a bunch of up jumped backwards war-mongering morons who are only a few silverware sets and maesters away from absolute barbarism. In turn, the Westerosi look down on the Free Cities as being money-grubbing effete cowards ruled by cheesemongers who use bribery, tall walls and dirty tricks to get ahead in the world.

* Illyrio Mopatis: A rich fat bastard and a Magister of Pentos. Old buddies with Varys and a bigtime schemer.
* [[Officio Assassinorum|The Faceless Men]]: A cult of shape-shifting assassins who worship The Many-Faced God of death based in the free city of Braavos that give up personal identity. They claim descent from escaped Valyrian slaves who considered death to be a better fate than perpetual slavery. Their mission hence became being servants of the Many-Faced God of Death. You can hire them to off your rivals, but they request a steep and equivalent price. They also offer a painless, quick suicide for downtrodden and desparate people by the means of poison. Their motto is "Valar Morghulis": All Men Must Die.
* Xaro Xhoan Daxos: One of the thirteen leaders of the city of Qarth. A flamboyant, languid, bald rich man who looks after Daenerys while she stays in Qarth and gives her many gifts. He wants her dragons as much as anyone else and even tries to marry her despite his homosexual tendencies. He stops wanting the dragons later in the book series after seeing [[RIP AND TEAR|their work in Astapor]], and no longer wants her around as her anti-slavery stance is hampering his wealth, so he offers Daenerys ships to leave the area and declares war on her when she refuses. In the show, he's heterosexual, helps steal her dragons, fucks one of her handmaidens and gets locked in a vault for conspiring to have her killed. He's also black and fat in the show when he's white and lanky in the books, being Qartheen and all.
* Syrio Forel: The former First Sword of Braavos (aka the ruler's personal bodyguard) and later Arya's mentor in King's Landing. He teaches her the way of Braavosi fencing, called "Water Dancing", and sacrifices himself to save her from Lannister thugs, taking down at least six of them with a wooden sword. May have inadvertently set her on the path of becoming a badass assassin by telling her of his belief in the God of Death.

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'''The Dothraki'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Horse people who live in a country of endless grass plains referred to by others as the Dothraki sea. They only have one city, called Vaes Dothrak, which is less of a city and more of a place they all meet when important things have to be discussed. Have traits borrowed from several cultures, including Mongols and Native Americans, all filtered through European misconceptions of those cultures of course, such as the Dothraki's antipathy for heavy armour, despite the fact that the Mongols were very heavily armoured and also excelled as infantry, see the Battle of Leignitz. They fear the ocean because of its size and the fact that horses won't drink from it, calling it the "poison water".

* Khal Drogo: An Expy of <s>Genghis Khan</s> Yesukhei Baatyr (his son would have been the equivalent to Chinggis Khaan). Leads the largest Khalassar among the Dothraki. Despite being a barbarian warlord, Drogo is surprisingly intelligent and treats Daenerys well. After an assassin tries to kill her he promises to conquer Westeros for her and their unborn son and immediately starts raiding towns for slaves and ships. At one town he gets cut in a leadership challenge and Daenerys gets a captive wise woman to heal him. However, the woman hates him because his tribe destroyed her hometown, raped/slaughtered or enslaved her friends and raped her three times so she curses him to become catatonic (along with killing his unborn son), leading a devastated Daenerys to perform an arguable mercy kill by smothering him with a pillow. After she burns herself, her stillborn child and the wise woman on his funeral pyre, Daenerys survives and it brings her dragons to life. GRRM named Drogo after [[The Lord of the Rings|Frodo's father]].
* Daenerys' handmaidens.
** Doreah: Daenerys' handmaiden and a wedding gift from Illyrio. A woman from Lysene brought by her brother to teach her how to pleasure a man. In the book she dies of fever and starvation crossing a desert, in the TV show, she betrays Daenerys for [[Salamanders|Xaro's BBC]] and gets locked in a vault to starve to death.
** Irri: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches Daenerys how to ride a horse. [[PROMOTIONS|Also pleasures Daenerys twice after catching her masturbating once]], yet this canonical girl-on-girl action was left out of the show. The character was even killed off there when she survived in the books, but in this case, it was because her actress' visa had expired rather than [[C.S. Goto|author railroading]].
** Jhiqui: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches her the Dothraki language and squabbles with Irri over wanting one of Daenerys' bodyguards when he becomes a badass. Also dies in the TV show while staying alive so far in the books.

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'''Slavers Bay'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">A civilization of [[Stupid Evil]] slavers. The remains of a previous civilization that was once the big powerful empire thanks to having phalanxes of obedient, pain-resistant soldiers which Valyria conquered a long while ago because phalanxes don't do too well against motherfucking dragons. They are ruled by wealthy slave mongers who buy slaves, train them up to do specific things and generally are a bunch of stuck up, decadent, puppy-eating (literally) assholes. Basically a civilization so repugnant even most hippies will be cheering when Dany decides to conquer them.

* The Unsullied: Eunuch phalanx fighting slave soldiers trained the Spartan way to produce totally obedient infantry that never break ranks. They also don't feel pain due to drinking a special drink daily, and each one has to take a new name from the name box each day so they can't develop a sense of identity. At least until Dany "bought" the lot of them, had them sack the city which trained them, and freed them.
* Grey Worm: The Unsullied Commander and a no-nonsense badass. When given a chance to take a new name he keeps his slave name because it's the name he had when freed so he considers it lucky. He is completely loyal to Daenerys, considering her his saviour, and in the show, he falls in love with fellow freed-woman, Missandei. This being ASOIAF, however, he can only watch helplessly as his lover is beheaded in front of him by the Mountain. This drives him into a rage, and he eagerly takes part in the sacking of King's Landing in revenge for her death. After the war is over and both Daenerys and Cersei are dead, he takes the Unsullied forces to Naath, in order to fulfil his promise to Missandei that he'd protect her homeland.
* Strong Belwas: A fat but skilled eunuch gladiator. Loves liver and onions and referring to himself in the third person. Travelling companion/guide of Ser Barristan. Has an awesome scene where he beats the champion of Meereen then mocks the Meereenese by taking a shit in their direction and wiping his ass on their dead champion's cloak. Also saves Daenerys from eating poisoned sweets. [[FAIL|Left out of the show]].
* Daario Naharis: A Tyroshi mercenary captain who dyes his hair blue. Betrays his fellow commanders for Daenerys because he loves her as a queen. Fortunately for him, Daenerys loves him back and they pursue a romance for a time, though she doesn't marry him as she's still otherwise smart enough to know she has to save herself for a political marriage. Goes to Yunkai as a hostage in the war on Meereen. Also potentially a shapeshifter, if the show is to be believed.
*Missandei: A young female slave with a remarkable talent for linguistics and one of the more empathetic people in this dark world, Missandei is freed by Daenerys during her campaign to liberate Slaver's Bay, eventually becoming one of her closest confidants and advisers. While a child in the books, in the show Missandei is a grown woman, falls in love with the Unsullied leader Grey Worm, but later is captured by Cersei and beheaded by the zombified Mountain in front of all her friends, but not before telling her friends to burn the Lannisters to ashes.

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'''Maesters'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> More than Scribes, (much) less than Mentats, Maesters serve their highborn lords as intellectual muscle. Maesters serve as doctors, teachers, and scientists, and are educated at The Citadel in Oldtown. They are expected to master a variety of topics, with each topic/level of mastery grants you a chain-link forged in a different type of metal (black iron for ravenry, valyrian steel for magic), and once you hit fifteen links, you can become an ordained Maester. Because of the high costs of their education (and the fact that you need to know how to read), Maesters are often highborn, probably a non-inheriting son or bastard. It is semi-prestigious, with the nerds calling themselves "Knights of the Mind" with all seriousness (and probably with some snickering jocks in the background) but you also don't get much say where you'll be assigned (and if the castle changes hands, you go with it, but it's not unheard of for Maesters to get killed along with everyone else.

A fan theory credits the death of Dragons with the work of Maesters, because the Maesters, as men of medieval "science," have a vested interest in the decline of magic, even though they also offer a <s>bachelor's degree</s> maester's link in "higher mysteries" which they consider to be their equivalent of an english major.
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===Magic and Gods===
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> The world of ASOIAF has various religions and faiths abound, just like in real life. Similarly, they range between fucking awesome to utterly useless. Dissimilarly, some of them have very tangible, undeniable magic powers, although it is said that the magic became stronger after the rebirth of Dragons into the world, and that in the Far East, where people worship [[Lovecraft|Lovecraft references]], that magic is still alive and well, but those are all just rumors.

Blood Magic seems to be the most consistent, with practitioners paying steep prices for magic, while the druidic magic of the Children of the Forest and the Old Gods still hold strong to this day, they just don't have any practitioners left.

Magic and the Afterlife is a theme in the setting as well, most expounded by the faithful of R'hllor: fire is associated with the warmth of life, as well as light; on the other hand, death is associated with cold and darkness; death carries a harsh finality in the series, ''except when it doesn't:'' as they've shown in special cases with those resurrected by R'hllor, rebirth comes with a price, and not everyone comes back ''fully there''.

*[[Ecclesiarchy|The Faith of the Seven]]: The Catholic Church/Church of England stand-in mixed with elements of Hinduism, which gets both sympathetic and unsympathetic characters associated with it (though mostly only in the books for the former). Holds an anti-slavery stance. The god/s are considered seven aspects of one deity with three male aspects (The Smith, the Father, the Warrior), three female aspects (The Maiden, the Mother, the Crone) and a sexless one representing Death, a bit akin to how the Hindu God Vishnu has multiple aspects. The places of worship are called Septs, and their system includes Septons, nun-equivalents called Septas and a Pope equivalent called a High Septon. The High Septons all give up their names when they become one to confuse future historians (and readers).
** High Septon 1 Fatfuck: A fat, greedy man who used the position for personal gain. He ended up being [[Grimdark|torn apart in a riot]], because the people resented that he had enough food to stay fat while they were starving.
** High Septon 2 Lannister Puppet: Successor of High Septon Fatfuck. Chosen by Tyrion so the Faith would be loyal to the Lannisters. Only ''slightly'' corrupt, being a pro-Lannister yes-man. Murdered on Cersei's order in the book, while in the show he's retconned into a whoremonger who gets deposed by the Sparrows (see below).
** High Septon 3/The High Sparrow: Successor of High Septon Lannister Puppet. After the second High Septon shown in the present day of the story died, the smallfolk burst into the meeting to pick a successor and ordered their chosen candidate to be put in charge when his original successor was caught whoremongering. He'd been a wandering preacher beforehand, and his feet were dark and gnarled from lots of walking. When he reaches the position he starts [[gets shit done|getting things done]]. Since he was appointed by a smallfolk religious movement called Sparrows, he's given the moniker "The High Sparrow". The nobility underestimates him, either due to having other matters or disregard for religious people, but he turns out to be smart, well-meaning and somewhat ruthless. Under the High Sparrow, he and the other clergymen sell their fancy clothes and decorations [[Noblebright|replacing them with simple wool tunics, using the money to buy food and clothes for the poor in King's Landing]]. He also has their Knights-Templar-equivalent reformed to [[Inquisition|protect the faithful and help them root out]] [[heresy]] and sin. He also outwits Cersei and has her arrested and tried for all her evil deeds. While Cersei's scheming does lead to Margaery's arrest, Cersei confesses to some crimes while concealing others, leading to Cersei taking a nude walk of penance in front of the entire city. After this, he somewhat reined in the nobles' politicking to actually look after the commoners and the Faith, though this does make some enemies. In the show, while he still talks of helping the Smallfolk, he and the Sparrows are [[C.S Goto|flanderized]] from assorted smallfolk and clergymen tired of the nobles' lawlessness and power plays into one-dimensional stereotypes and thinly-veiled jabs at the Catholic Church [[Imperial Truth|in a shoe-horned anti-religion message]]. While they do arrest Cersei and Margaery like in the books, the High Sparrow's plans all come to nothing, as during the trial most of the Faith, including the High Sparrow himself, get blown to Kingdom Come when Cersei has her agents ignite a massive amount of magical napalm underneath the Great Sept. In the books they're much more like Martin Luther and the Lutherans, except that the Protestant Reformation wins outright.
* [[Old Ones|Old Gods]]: Native American/Japanese Kame/Druid/nature spirits that reside in places called Godswoods. The original practitioners of this faith were the Children of the Forest, non-elf looking Wood Elves, whose magics were responsible for smashing an entire Southern Warhost with tsunamis (leaving only a narrow isthmus between the North and everyone else), the Wall (it was a collaborative effort with humans), and allowing people to look into the past, and (confirmed in the show at least) influence it.
**Their powers are limited to the North, though, where the last remaining Godswoods remain, but they can grant gifted individuals awesome psychic powers like Warging (mind-controlling animals) and Greensight (Time Travel). For some reason, Martin claims they're based off the Norse Gods. Probably has to do with the way the Vikings made sacrifices to their gods, by hanging them in Ash trees, a symbol for the World Tree Yggdrasil. The Weirwood trees are sacred to the followers of the Old Gods in a similar way. Mostly worship of them is quiet and informal.
*R'hllor: The God of Fire and Light, and like the Old Gods, actually shows evidence for existing. [[/tg/ gets shit done|He gets shit done]], being one of the most common faiths East of Westeros, and his priests have powers such as fire magic and motherfucking Resurrection. Has a nasty habit for burning heretics, though. GRRM said this faith is roughly based (read: poorly modelled after) upon Zoroastrianism and Gnosticism. His nemesis is The Great Other: the god of cold and darkness, the leader of the Others, and prophesied to be defeated by the chosen one, or messianic figure: [[Star Child|Azor Ahai/The Prince That Was Promised]], a figure who is the prophesied warrior that will fight with the Great Other/Night's King during the Apocalypse. Interestingly enough, the prophecy may not refer to a single person, but three (Jon, Tyrion/Bran, and Daenerys). Supposedly, one of these three will also receive an [[Emperor's Sword|awesome flaming sword called "Lightbringer"]].
**R'hllor is very popular among the slaves and poor of the East, though Eastern nobles hate him because of that association. It's actually hard-to-tell how many "miracles" ascribed to him are actually real miracles. Stannis, absolute chad though he is, has a sword called "Lightbringer" meant to evoke the mythical one, but Aemon has [[Bullshit|noticed that it doesn't give off any heat]].
**For obvious reasons, they are ''very excited'' that there are Dragons again.
* Him of Many Faces: The god of the Dead of the religion whose followers are the [[Officio Assassinorum|Faceless Men]]. According to his cult of assassins, whom Arya joins, all gods of death are just him: since every religion has a god of death of some sort, he ''must'' be the only one that's real. Of course, your mileage may vary as to whether he's real or not, though his most awesome followers are granted shapeshifting abilities and powers to be the ultimate assassins.
* Drowned God: Cthulhu combined with Odin. Runs an underwater Valhalla were all Ironborn go whey they either if they drowned at sea, the men die a manly death or the women die in childbirth. Probably doesn't exist or he would have done something about Euron Greyjoy... at least in the books. There, Euron is [[Imperial Truth|proudly scornful]] of him, and his brother Aeron fruitlessly and endlessly mutters "no godless man can sit the Seastone Chair". In the show, Euron is perfectly happy to go through the traditional Drownie coronation ritual and Aeron performs it.
* The Night's King: This is completely different depending on whether you prefer the [[oldfag|books]] or [[newfag|show]]. Book version: A long time ago, when the Night's Watch was just barely getting set up, its Lord Commander, the thirteenth in line, decided to climb over the Wall and explore some. While in the woods to the north of the Wall, he found a beautiful [[Monstergirls|Other female]]. He fell in love with her, had [[/d/|sex with her on top of the Wall]], which somehow changed him into an albino version of [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]], and set himself up as King of the Wall, making everyone in the Watch his slaves and sacrificial fodder. Naturally, this didn't sit too well with the Starks and the Wildlings, and so they banded together to free the Watch and kick his ass, which they managed to do successfully. Now everyone thinks him as dead or a myth. Show version: he was the very first White Walker ever created by the Children, and he decided to get back at them by wiping out all life. Also, whilst he was apparently beaten in the ancient past and sealed away behind the Wall, he's still "alive" and well, [[Daemonculaba|turning infant human boys into new White Walkers]]. Also, he can apparently raise up entire legions of undead, just by raising his arms and looking completely smug about it; unlike regular Others, who can just raise up maybe a village at most. Given that he's the resident [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] of the series, it makes sense that he can take down a dragon with seemingly little effort (a simple throw of his spear), and resurrect it to be his personal steed a la Arthas. (Whether that particular nonsense is going to show up in the books is up in the air, it's suitably grimdark and not particularly [[derp]] so it might.) Then he used the dragon to blow a hole in the Wall and begin [[The End Times]] for Westeros. But [[FAIL|dead]], thanks to Arya's magic ninja haxx which let her [[what|kill the BBEG and his entire race and army of zombies ''in one blow.'']]
** The Others/The White Walkers: A mysterious race from beyond the Wall, known to [[newfag|HBO fans]] as "the White Walkers". Can be described as ice demons/snow elves with necromancy. Eight thousand years ago, they invaded Westeros during a decades-long winter (even longer than the usual years-long winters) known as "the Long Night". With an army of undead warriors, they proceeded to fuck Westeros up every which way to [[Sunday]] before the locals finally drove them out, established the Night's Watch, and built the Wall to keep them out. Like all fantasy aspects of ASOIAF, they are very cliched.
**In the TV series, it's revealed that they were created from human captives by "The Children", the pseudo-[[Elf]] fair folk race that lived in Westeros before humanity arrived, as an attempt to create a super-weapon. The idea was since humanity bred faster than the Children could keep up with, they would create icy [[lich]]-creatures that could create [[undead]] soldiers, and these would then wipe out all human life. Instead, it went disastrously wrong because it turned out that the Children actually couldn't control what they'd created, so the Others [[Ork|just want to exterminate '''all''' life.]] In both versions the Night's King is in control.
*'''Other Eastern Magic/Religions''' - The further and further east you go, the more GRRM scatters Lovecraft references to give the world flavour, like the Shadowlands and its cities of oily, black stone, Leng, and [[Deep Ones|fish people]]. They're just references, though, and will likely never be important.
**The Unsullied have their own goddess, the Lady of Spears, [[Slaanesh|whose altar they burn their dicks on as offerings]].
**The slavers worship a harpy goddess and justify their slavery through her.
</div></div>

==Locations==

'''Westeros''': The continent where about 80% of the plot takes place. Scotland in the North, Siberia/Northern Scandinavia beyond the wall, Moorish Spain in the South, with the rest being England as far as climate is concerned, only much, much larger.
*The North: By far the largest of the Seven Kingdoms in size, and the least in population. [[Naggaroth|A rocky, cold and dangerous landscape where life barely tolerable]] ([[Norsca|although it's still preferrable to the eldrich lands beyond the wall]]), sometimes it even snows in summer, giving you a general idea why it's quite a shitty place to be in when compared with the more southern kingdoms. Living in it are the Northmen, culturally an inbetween of Northern English and Scots. Most of them still revere the Old Gods and practice traditions that feel very alien to those living in the south, of the First Men culture before the Andal Invasion, still holding out here and the Iron Islands. It's also damn near unconquerable by conventional means due to the narrow isthmus between it and the south being a noxious swamp; . Its ruling house at the beginning of the Story is House Stark, later House Bolton; Its capital is Winterfell.
*Iron Islands: Large, rocky archipelago off the coast of the North and the Riverlands. Their bleak and inhospitable landscape is the major reason why the Ironmen culture, the other hold out of the First Men culture in Westeros which has the unique blend of only political and not cultural Andal influence and lack of Children of the Forest influence as Weirwoods don't grow on islands and only First Men humans ever lived here during those times, is so centered around pillaging and raiding; you can't grow crops on rock. Does have a decently sized economy based around metal working, but nowhere near enough to support its populace. Their capital is Pyke.
*Riverlands: As the name says, the Riverlands are marked by several large rivers flowing through it and the large fertile valleys surrounding them. The historical whipping boy of the continent after the Andal Invasion took over the old First Men realms (minus the North and the Iron Islands), constantly fought over by the Westerlands, the Stormlands, the Reach, the Iron Islands and the Vale, to the point that it was under Iron Islands rule when Aegon Targaryen unified the continent minus Dorne. Gets buttfucked the hardest during the War of the Five Kings by a metric ton; first by the Mountain carrying out a campaign of terror against the civilian populace on Tywin's orders and second by most of the major fights between the Lannisters and the Starks taking place there. Honestly, after all the fighting, raping and pillaging happening in the Riverlands, one must wonder how many people are actually still left in them. Their ruling house is House Tully (later House Baelish); its Capital is Riverrun (later Harrenhal).
*Vale of Arryn: Mountainous Region east of the Riverlands home to (supposedly) the finest knights in Westeros due to them having constant field practice in crushing rebellion after rebellion of the native <s>Irish</s> Mountain Tribes (think Forsworn from Skyrim, only a lot more foul-mouthed) and having an absolute abundance of tiny territories to give out. The population lives more densely packed in the few large cities and townships that exist here due and traversing them is dangerous. Its ruling house is House Arryn, its capital The Eyrie, '''the''' hardest castle to take in Westeros as it is built on a mountaintop. Gulltown, one of the cities of Westeros, is the main economic hub.
*Westerlands: The second-smallest Kingdom in size but by far the richest due to its abundance of Gold and Silver Mines. Has a proud tradition of fucking everyone over by the means of money, politics or both combined. Also has a substantial importance as a major trading and naval hub in the city of Lannisport, which is the largest port on the western side of the continent. Its ruling house is House Lannister, its capital Casterly Rock. Casterly Rock was the capital of the old Kings, House Casterly, which was outsmarted by [[Lukas the Trickster|Lann the Clever]], who married the last surviving daughter and founded House Lannister.
*Crownlands: The lands directly controlled by the Iron Throne, surrounding a big bay, with a rather pleasant, mild climate. Centered around the capital King's Landing, which gets an entry of its own. Its ruling house is always the house of the current kings. Formerly divided between the Riverlands and the Stormlands.
**King's Landing: The capital of the seven kingdoms and by far its largest city. It houses every important institution on the continent, most importantly the Red Keep, where the King of the Seven Kingdoms resides and the Great Sept of Baelor, the religious center of the Faith of the Seven. Aside from the Red Keep and the Great Sept, a filth ridden, downtrodden shithole that is rife with poverty and criminals whereever you may set foot; the City Guard is openly corrupt and acts more like a government-approved gang of thugs. It seems to be something of an unofficial sport among all chacters in the books to never say anything good the city. Architecturally described like Medieval London, at the size of 1600s Paris.
*The Reach: The second-largest of the Seven Kingdoms, and the most populous. Its wide plains, dominated by fields and plantings serve as the breadbasket of the Seven Kingdoms. Also home to the oldest city in Westeros, Oldtown, which in turn is home to the Citadel of the Maesters. Its ruling house is Tyrell, its capital Highgarden. House Tyrell is matrilineally descended from Garth Greenhand like many other houses. The old ruling family, House Gardener, Garth's direct descendants, was wiped out when Aegon unleashed his dragons, with the then Lord of House Tyrell (at this point permanent stewards to House Gardener), was placed in control as he was married to the last Gardener female.
*Stormlands: The lands of House Baratheon, a mix of forested mountains and steep, stony shores: so-named for the very frequent storms that batter its coast. The weather here is so bad, their capital is known as Storm's End because all previous castles were destroyed by the weather, so this one had to be built <s>by a competent Northman architect</s> with magic. In spite of the dangerously bad weather, the area can be quite beautiful when not being battered by the elements. The Baratheons are descended from a loyal general who served the original Aegon, who was also rumored to be his half-brother. After Robert ascended the throne, control of the Stormlands was left to his youngest brother, Renly, while the middle-brother, Stannis, was assigned to guard Robert's back on the much-smaller, less prestigious island of Dragonestone.
*Dorne: The southernmost region of Westeros and the hottest (in more ways than just temperature), consists of rocky deserts in its center and lush, meditterrean areas on its coasts. The Dornish people differ a lot from other Westerosi in ethnicity and culture and have a different origin, that of the migrating Rhoynar people interbreeding with the then relatively isolated local Westerosi. [[Dune|Dorne was also the only Kingdom to successfully resist conquest by the Targaryens]] and was only brought into the fold through political marriages, and their rulers retain the title of Prince (the Rhoynar and the local Westerosi don't use king or queen, they use prince or princess), not afforded to anyone else not of the Royal Family. Its ruling house is Martell, its capital Sunspear.
*The Wall: A wall of ice of gargantuan proportions erected by the First Men to protect themselves against the Others/White Walkers long ago that marks the nothern border of Westeros proper and runs across it from west to east for three hundred miles. In the times when the Night's Watch was under full strength, it was an impenetrable fortification against anything that might dare to cross it, not just because of its sheer dimensions, but also the implication that the wall itself is reinforced by eldrich magic keeping the horrors beyond the wall at bay via unnatural means. Nowadays only three of its 19 keeps are permanently manned, leaving wide gaps in the Night's Watch defense against Wildlings, who sometimes climb over it to raid the South. The Night King tears a hole into it with one of Daenerys' Dragons in the final episode of season 7, allowing him and his undead army to pass through.
*Beyond-the-Wall:
**Craster's Keep: Not really a "keep" but the [[GRIMDARK|home of a man who fucks his own daughters and offers his sons to the Others]]. He is one of the very few "independent" wildlings and offers use of his home to the Night's Watch when they go off on scouting expeditions. Because it's full of servile (inbred) women, the men of the Night's Watch mutiny and take it over.
**Thenn: The name of both the land and its people, the Thenn consider themselves to be the ''true'' "last of the First Men," because they have laws and lords compared to the anarchist free-for-all of the other Free Folk; they don't speak common, they can actually smith, and they treat the "Magnar," the title of their king, like a god. In the show, they're just shown to be a bunch of scarred barbarians.
**Lands of Always Winter: The furthest north people have ever gone and have been able to come back from, the Lands are perpetually frozen, and the Others are said to come from here. Clearly, if you head far enough North, you'll hit a Chaos Rift and end up in the Warp.

'''The Stepstones''': Formerly a solid land bridge between Westeros and Essos, it was brought down by Children of the Forest magic in a failed attempt to stop the First Men invasion. Now an archipelago of islands infested by various ne'er-do-wells.

'''Essos''': A huge landmess (no, not a typo) about southeast of Westeros and home to many independent city-states west of the big mountain range. Generally agreed upon to be largely desolate wilderness sprinkled in with the occasional kingdoms that seem exotic and alien to Westerosi. Most of its western half used to be the center of power of the legendary Valyrian Freehold, with the Free Cities being colonies of them that survived the downfall of the Valyrian Empire hundreds of years ago. The exceptions are Slaver's Bay, conquered by the Valyrians before regaining independence after the Freehold's collapse, Qarth, Ib and some of the others.
*Old Valyria: The former center of the [[Roman Empire|all-powerful free state that ruled over most of Essos at its peak and posessed magic and technology, as well as dragons to keep control over it.]] Valyrias strength was legendary, so much so in fact that the downfall of it still influences politics in the world centuries after it occured. No one quite knows why Valyria fell, the only certain thing is that it was plagued by a sudden series of natural disasters that all but destroyed its homelands and left it in ruin. Valyrian culture only survived in bastardized forms in the Free Cities and, prior to their extinction, House Targaryen in Westeros. The ruins of Valyria are said to cursed and avoided by all but the most desperate of travelers. Traveling through Valyria is similar to sailing through the [[Eye of Terror]]: not only are you dealing with dangerous seas (''boiling seas'' akin to underwater tectonic activity), but also fucking [[daemons]], and [[Gellerpox Infected|parasitic plagues]].
*Free Cities: There are 9 city-states on the Western Half of Essos. 8 are former Valyrian colonies, with Braavos being the notable exception to most of the things they have in common. What ties them all together is that they're all connected by trade and feudalism isn't such a big thing here, which also makes their culture remarkably different from the Westerosi. Westerosi tend to view them as greedy opportunists while the Free Cities in turn view Westerosi as ignorant morons at best and backwards savages at worst. If you were going to have a setting based on ASOIAF and didn't want to spend the entire time shitting in the dirt or bleeding out in a ditch for some inbred noble, this is where you'd want to be:
**Braavos: The only one of the nine free cities to not be a Valyrian Colony (excepting the other countries like Qarth and Ib, who don't count among the nine). It was founded by Slaves that escaped their overlord in a marsh on the northernmost tip of Essos. It is mainly known for its massive port and the Iron Bank of Braavos, the biggest bank in the world. It also houses the House of Black and White, the central temple and headquarters of the Faceless Men.
**Pentos: Another large trading port on the western edge of Essos. It serves as the major trading hub between Westeros and the rest of Essos.
**Lys: Located on an island off the coast of Essos. Founded as a resort for Freeholders, it has the largest population with the Valyrian phenotype in the known world. A decadent city whose most famous export are prostitutes.
**Myr: The women here are hot, considering how often Westerosi seem to come back with wives from here. Other than that, its only notable feature is its forever-war with Lys and Tyrosh.
**Norvos: They make really good bodyguards that are taught to see their [[Executioners|axes as their waifus]].
**Qohor: Not much is known about them, except one of the brutal mercenary companies is from here, and they worship the [[Lovecraft|Black Goat.]]
**Tyrosh: Greedy slavers. Not really notable, except they're one-third of the constant warfare of the Disputed Lands along with Lys and Myr and for being extremely flamboyant.
**Volantis: The crown jewel, first colony of the Freehold and considers itself the successor state to the Freehold.
**Lorath: No, they don't speak for the trees. Lorath is the poorest of the Free Cities, and not much is known about them. Its most notable feature are the underground labyrinths that dot the island and which predate the Valyrians. Typical of Martin, the Labyrinths and a similar cult in Essos (the cult of the Pattern) are a reference to someone else's work, [[Dick|but no, he doesn't like fanfiction]].
*Ghiscari Empire and Slavers Bay: To the East of Valyria and the Free Cities, these cities pre-date Valyria. Before they were conquered, they had their own empire and worshiped the Harpy. Nowadays, they trade with the Dothraki, exchanging tribute for slaves, which they then market to the rest of the World. Vaguely the [[Middle East]] of ASOIAF. They are: Old Ghis, New Ghis, Astapor, Yunkai, and Meereen. In the books, Dany is stuck here trying to manage the clusterfuck that is deslaverizing these lands. Currently locked in a brutal war where the newly-freed slaves are either fighting the surviving slaver-nobles, other cities, or each other.
*Qarth: What separates the "East" from the "Far East." It's to the West of Slaver Bay and East of not!China/Japan, so any traffic between the Free Cities, Slaver's bay, and them, requires them to pass through Qarth. Home to a bunch of fucking weirdo Orientalist tropes that vie for power: The Pureborn, the noble descendants of ancient Qaathi Kings and Queens that fled the sacking of their cities to Qarth, so hold no real power beyond their titles; the Ancient Guild of Spicers (it's in the name); the Thirteen, ''another'' group of Merchants; the Tourmaline Brotherhood (more merchants!). Qarth is also the location of the House of the Undying, a group of Warlocks that drink "shade-of-the-evening," which is pretty much [[Dune|Spice from Dune]], but made from trees and not wormshit; the House of the Undying and most of its Warlocks were burnt down by Dany's dragons after they tried to steal them; they sent out some guys for revenge, but they ran into Euron where he promptly murdered them all and took their <s>spice</s> <s>nightshade</s> shade-of-the-evening. Functionally Singapore, but with a more Indo-Persian aesthetic.
*Rhoyne: Destroyed former city of the Rhoynar, who fled the Valyrian Freehold and migrated to Dorne. The former capital is currently infested by Stone-Men, Greyscale survivors who have gone feral.
*Ib: not!Dwarfs, but described more like Neanderthals than Nordic shorties. They're [[squat]], barrel-chested, with thick wiry black hair, heavy sloping eye brows and square-teeth of neanderthals, They're also incredibly hairy, and even their women have facial hair., Instead of digging holes in mountains, they travel the sees in equally-stocky whaling ships. They tend to keep to themselves, [[Meme|but are natural sailors, suitable for long voyages]].
*The Dothraki Sea: Not a sea, but the name for the not!Eurasian Plains. Before the Freehold collapsed and the Dothraki tribesmen took advantage of the chaos of the Century of Blood to conquer it and burn down all but one of the old Qaathi cities (with only Qarth itself surviving) and most of the old Kingdom of Sarnor along with other minor cities, it was known as the Great Grass Sea.
**Vaes Dothrak: The capital and only permanent Dothraki settlement. It is forbidden to carry weapons or spill blood here (doesn't mean you can't kill through other means).
*Golden Empire of Yi Ti: Not!China, with a mysterious history and pattern of legends eerily-similar to Westeros' own. Like China, has a long history of Emperors, each dynasty progressively ruling over smaller, weaker empires. The current dynasty is actually so weak, they're not taken seriously outside their capital.
**The Five Forts: In the not!Chinese version of the Long Winter/Long Night, the Empire of Yi Ti was cast into a long night that never ended, where the evil Lion of the Night was unleashed by the Bloodstone Emperor. He was beat back by the Lord of Light/Hyrkoon the Hero/but the name that the Yi Ti know him by was never stated. Just like the Wall in Westeros, the Five Forts were said to be erected by a great Emperor soon after to make sure the crisis never happens again. Just like Westeros, the Five Forts have waned in importance, now only protecting the Yi Ti from barbarians. The Five Forts are said to be made from a material of "fused black stone," similar in description to many ancient ruins all over the setting. Harrenhal is also described similarly, but Harrenhal was stone melted by dragonfire, so the idea that the Five Forts was made with the aid of dragons and/or magic has been floated by fans.
*The Jogos Nhai: not!Mongols, but they ride Zebras and are literally cone-heads.
*Asshai-by-the-Shadow: Further-Further-East, it may as well be mythic. The city of Asshai is depressingly gloomy, the entire city is composed of dark black towers made of fused, black stone that seems to "drink the light."

The South:
'''Summer Isles''': Think Avelorn, but Black. An archipelago to the Far South of Westeros, everything here is pretty idyllic. War is very formalized, prostitution is a religious rite, [[meme|there are no white people]], it's practically paradise. A deposed prince was sent to exile in Westeros and had been trying to get Robert to make the journey south to put him back on the throne, but no one really took him seriously.

'''Sothoryos''': [[Lustria|Jungle hell]].
*Yeen: Made of the same creepy black metal in Stygai, implied to be an old Empire of the Dawn Outpost. Even the death world jungle (as in, not just the animals, the actual jungle itself) refuses to go in there for fear of dying.

'''Ulthos''': not!Australia, and has absolutely no lore. Seriously, GRRM has literally never mentioned it except in relation to another place that also has no lore. It's a passing mention that his obsessive fans took note of, and when they literally helped wrote the setting book for him, their guess became canon.

==The appeal of A Song of Ice And Fire==
Exactly what catches the eyes of [[Skub|a given fan/critic/lout who complains about how bad it is anytime the show is mentioned within earshot]] to ASOIAF and its TV adaptation varies from individual to individual. Still, there's a couple of major draws.

'''The Worldbuilding:''' The main reason why this series gets compared to [[The Lord of the Rings]], ASOIAF is literally ''drowning'' under the weight of its worldbuilding, being crammed as full of facts about fictitious regions, histories, cultures, dynasties and races as GRRM can fit it. Your mileage will vary on how ''good'' that info is, but there's plenty of info in it. It is worth noting that much of the vagueness of various aspects of the world's lore comes down to the limited perspectives of each of the characters' point of view, so many places and events are often only known partially through superstition, rumors, and often second hand experiences passed down and muddled over time; all of which play quite heavily into the overall story structure of the series.

'''A vast colorful Cast:''' A lot of works of fantasy get by with a few archetypal characters (the Young Guy out to Prove themself, the Wise Wizard, the Dark Lord, the Mischievous One, the Grizzled Veteran, the Princess, the Dwarf, etc) and maybe a guy or two which rises above this. A Song of Ice and Fire has dozens of viewpoint characters and a hundreds of secondaries each with different situations, drives, motives and quirks that make them reasonably interesting. Even if you don't like one or some of them, there are plenty of others. When they die, it often hits home. Speaking of which...

'''Mainstream [[Dark Fantasy]]:''' Dark Fantasy is not exactly a mainstream niche. ASOIAF stands out by deliberately trying to market itself to the mainstream, despite embracing an abundance of dark fantasy tropes; gratuitous violence, sexuality and sexual violence, moral ambiguity, political intrigue, and a willingness to suddenly kill off any character, even the most likeable or heroic of them.

'''[[Low Fantasy]]:''' On the surface, ASOIAF is an old-school Low Fantasy setting, being a medieval-tech world with the story openly focused on the mundane lives of people struggling for political power and though supernatural elements do exist, they tend to be used sparingly.

'''[[High Fantasy]]:''' But if you scratch the surface, ASOIAF is also a High Fantasy setting, which is always the more marketable of the two, with the big backstory about how the world is facing impending doom from an army of wintery [[fey]] and their [[undead]] minions. There are also non-evil higher powers working against them, but they get swept under the rug in the show. Also, [[dragon]]s. As the more marketable genre, it's also inevitably the more skubby one, for whatever that's worth.

'''[[Magical Realm|Gratuitous Sexuality]]:''' More a thing for the TV show than the books; GRRM's scenes were [[Rape|raepy]] in the earlier volumes, and apparently our boy must have overheard the nickname "George Rape Rape Martin (I ''Like'' Rape)", because he dialed back the forced boning in #4-5. The frequent scenes of nudity and sex in the early seasons of the show were a ''big'' selling point for many people (the casting of people from the sex industry for some of these scenes also helped).

'''Not much in terms of generic fantasy tropes:''' Hate how almost every fantasy just has to have things popularized by Tolkien such as elves, dwarves, orcs and all that stuff? You're in luck because ASOIAF doesn't have a "five races" system, their accompanying stereotypes or the plot hinging on a magic item. On the other hand, it does have several generic fantasy tropes, such as [[dragon]]s, [[Medieval Stasis]], [[undead]] and at least two contenders for [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] status, so if you hate them too, well...

'''Lots of Houses and Sigils''': OK, so this is sort of a joke...except not completely. For those who are artistically minded and love coming up with their own OC groups and/or fleshing out minor characters, this setting really does invite it with the absolutely insane number of houses [[Space Marines|that each have their own distinct logo/color-scheme combo]].

==Oh Yeah, About The TV Show==
[[image:KnightsWhoSayFuck.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Yeah, pretty much.]]

{{Skubby}}

After the first three books became hits, many Hollywood producers and directors had come to the sadistic neckbeard, asking him about making a movie adaptation. At first, he was reluctant at best, due to the fact that a lot of his content would've been cut out to fit into a movie trilogy (see the Lord of the Rings live-action films). Then, a couple of dudes, David Benioff and D.B/Daniel Brett Weiss (AKA D&D, or more accurately as of the final season, Dumb & Dumber), decided to contact him and asked him at a local restaurant about turning ASOIAF into a Television show produced by HBO, the top-rated soft-core porno channel. The story goes that George asked them a very specific question (Who is Jon Snow's mother?). Satisfied with the response they gave, he gave them permission to start work on the show, which would be titled after the first book, ''Game of Thrones''. They would later go on to prove that this is not a good way of choosing who should adapt your work.

The television show casts several well-known performers, such as Sean Bean as Eddard, Peter Dinklage as Tyrion, Lena Headey as Cersei, and Charles Dance as Tywin. They have also cast some comparatively less well-known actors and even ones new to cinema, such as Sophie Turner (Sansa), Maisie Williams (Arya), Kit Harington (Jon), Iwan Rheon (Ramsay), Alfie Allen (Theon), and Richard Madden (Robb)

Thus, book snobs seem to think that every episode post-season 4 is nothing more than Emmy-bait. Regardless of the fact Kit Harington still [[Fail|doesn't have an Emmy]], there's a valid contention in that regard, with the number of liberties taken overshadowing the initial appeal.

The final season (more on that below) was eventually revealed to be such a train wreck because Dumb & Dumber did not want to work on the series anymore and had let the success with the earlier seasons go to their heads. In their arrogance, instead of handing the reins to someone else, they decided to plan out their own ending and use it as an audition to Disney so they could write for Star Wars. By then, they'd run out of books to adapt, there was no superior writing for them to leech off of and there was no one to gainsay them in their echo chamber of a writer's room (even George himself was cut out). The result was absolutely shit writing that caused a glorious breakage in the [[skub]] dam that left [[Butthurt|many a fan's anus weeping]] (provided they weren't early seasons fans, book series fans, or any of the other assorted onlookers [[Lulz|taking part in the mightiest of keks]]) and, if anything proved <s>George's </s> Ramsay's quote at the beginning of the article true. Goddamn Dumb & Dumber, could you talentless Derp machines do any worse if you tried? Luckily, comeuppance came after them and Disney, having some sense, told them to fuck off with their [[Star Wars]] ideas after the backlash towards the final season. Not that Disney Star Wars has been without its share of controversy and [[Rage]], but you know it's bad when someone gets told to piss off from even that.

The Greatest Irony and Tragedy of the show's writing was that in the first few seasons, with George RR Martin consulting them and with a wealth of material from the first few books to work with, D&D were actually pretty damn good at adapting the books into a TV format. In fact, quite a few scenes were in fact not only adapted, but actually created from scratch outside of the source material. One of the most noteworthy is the iconic introduction of Tywin Lannister in Season 1 Episode 7, where we learn everything we need to know about his character with nothing but precisely chosen dialogue and a rather blunt visual metaphor of him gutting a stag he slew in a hunt, all while brutally laying into Season 1's initially perceived villain, Jaime. Contrast this with Season 5 where the show's major decline began with blunders such as the omission of fan-favorite Lady Stoneheart, literally butchering the Dorne subplot with Martell family team-killing and changing the Sparrows' movement to a militant atheist's stereotype of religion. This decline makes a lot more sense after George himself admitted that Season 5 was the first Season where he was was really locked out of the loop.

Goes to show how much they had fallen when the well ran dry and the show' writing and adaptation process was no longer the finely honed instrument it had started as.

'''TL;DR'''

[[GM|Producers Dumb&Dumber-style change characters and railroad the plot at a whim,]] [[/d/M|the tits and ultraviolence spigot is opened even wider than the books,]] and most scenes are made for the actors to show off their skills at making their signature angry/murder/brooding/etc. faces, and wrapped it up with a season of TV soon to be discussed that even Matt Ward would be 100% justified in pointing and laughing at. Seasons 1-4 are worth your time, 7 and 8 are best ignored, and 5 and 6 are the [[Skub]] ones.

===The Final <s>Dumpster Fire</s> Season===
{{Fail}}
{{HurfDurf}}
{{Plot Armour}}

{{Topquote|If you try to do something fancy with your ending and you screw up, your audience will probably remember the botched ending more than the well run marathon|JP from Terrible Writing Advice (and advice Dumb and Dumber obviously didn't heed}})

Seasons 5, 6, and especially 7 all got their share of grief from people. Mostly deserved in the case of Season 7 and [[Skub|arguably so]] for 5 and 6 (though the latter did at least finally give Ramsay his just desserts, most of the problems that cropped up in 5 and 6 happened when the show passed the book in particular plotlines and mostly served as an early warning, 7 is when things started getting criticized in general rather than individual plots or details). Season 8 though? Well, read on:

The Final Season kicks off with the Night King's army attacking Winterfell in a battle meant to be epic, but instead so chock full of tactical [[Fail|fails]] from the living, they make General Custer look like Sun Tzu. The most infamous examples include Melisandre's powers being underutilized, putting soldiers in front of trenches/walls they should be behind/standing on, no flanking charges and hiding the non-combatants in a crypt while fighting necromancers. The battle is resolved when Arya teleports directly to the BBEG and kills him with some sleight-of-hand that destroys his entire army Keystone Army trope-style and ends the winter. Also Theon, Jorah and Melisandre die, but the story sweeps their deaths under the rug like they're nameless background characters.

Then the Westerosi go full-retard and start hating Daenerys. Yes really; Dany helped end a nation-destroying winter plus a zombie apocalypse, has a claim to the throne AND is their best ally against Cersei... but they want her gone. Even Sansa suddenly turns against Dany and starts seeking the throne, despite having no claim to the rest of Westeros and Dany being easily able to kill her for treason. Everyone inexplicably starts wanting Jon to be king despite his attempt to abdicate, and Jon himself even starts thinking Aunt Daenerys might be a bad queen... but that doesn't stop him from [[Incest Smith|starting a sexual relationship with her]]. The fact that Robert's bastard son Gendry is now a lord, giving him a claim to the throne at least as strong as Dany's or Jon's, is swept under the rug. Varys also jumps ship from Dany to Jon for no reason, even trying to kill Dany in an uncharacteristically stupid move. For his efforts, Tyrion reports Varys to Daenerys, who has Varys executed by Drogon's fire-breath.

Then Daenerys press-gangs people who should logically be happy to fight for her into an army to attack King's Landing and brings them there by sea. Along the way Rhaegal, one of Daenerys' two surviving dragons, is killed by ballistae from Euron's ships. This is despite the facts that Daenerys and her dragons should've easily been able to spot the ships, they were flying well out of ballista range and Euron had no way of knowing where they'd be. After Daenerys and Drogon single-handedly destroy the Iron Fleet (amid poorly animated weather*), they reach King's Landing. Cersei's artillery does nothing despite Daenerys, all her advisors and her dragon being within lethal range plus Cersei's lack of scruples. They in turn do nothing but watch Daenerys' friend Missandei, who was captured offscreen earlier, get executed by zombie-Gregor (despite the fact Cersei and co. had no reason to believe Missandei was anyone of import to either capture or execute. Maybe someone left a copy of the script in Cersei's solar next to her Starbucks latte**)

The battle for King's Landing has Daenerys' forces break in and battle through the streets. Meanwhile Jaime snuck though the tunnels [[Fail|to find and reconcile with Cersei. The Hound regresses to his old violent self and tracks down zombie-Gregor to take him down in a battle that kills them both (although most consider this the one bright spot in the episode). Arya gives up on revenge and decides to let Cersei go despite having strong non-revenge-related reasons to kill her]]. The famed Golden Company is quickly killed off and Cersei signals a surrender by ringing the bells (the bells aren't, and have never been, signals for surrender). Then, in the capstone of bad writing for this season, Daenerys' switch flips from good to evil because the writers want it to happen, and Dany abandons her plan of freeing and leading Westeros to purging King's Landing with her dragon and army. Cersei and Jamie die together in a cave-in and Tyrion mourns their deaths despite being ready and eager to personally kill Cersei earlier. This is followed by Dany's Saruman/Hitler-esque speech that has nothing to do with her former character. Tyrion is arrested for criticizing Daenerys by saying "If this is liberation, I don't believe in liberation theology." Yes, [[Derp|the writers think theology and ideology are the same thing]] (an unsurprising mistake, given they shoehorned in anti-religious rants for the past three Seasons despite the books' even-handedness). This last one has proven to be its own personal bit of Skub, as many have argued that Daenerys going evil is in keeping with the cynical themes and tone of the setting. While this isn't wrong on its face, it does nothing to change the fact that the execution is 100% half-assed. Walter White's descent into villainy this is not, or even Anakin's arc in the Star Wars Prequels, which looks like The Godfather compared to what Season 8 does with Daenerys.

In the aftermath, Jon assassinates Daenerys for the King's Landing massacre... [[Derp|right in front of her dragon]]. Drogon, due to Jon's stronger-than-Valyrian-steel-plot-armor, doesn't kill him but melts the Iron Throne ([[What|accidentally according to the showrunners]]) while chucking a tantrum before grabbing Dany's body and flying away. Jon is somehow charged with Dany's murder despite there being no evidence that he did it, but surprisingly none of the surviving characters still loyal to Dany try to kill Jon (such as the Unsullied or the Dothraki). Despite there being several legitimate choices of king still available, including Gendry, the nobles decide to replace a dynastic monarchy with an elective one and make Bran king. Bran is nominated by Tyrion for a nonsensical reason ("he has the best story"), Tyrion somehow getting a say in the meeting despite being imprisoned for treason.

The Unsullied go to Southros under command of Grey Worm (the only one who still has a personality at this point). The Dothraki are forgotten about by everyone else. Tyrion is freed and made Hand of the King to Brann. Brienne is made Commander of the Kingsguard. [[Derp|Bronn is made Master of Coin (and Lord of Highgarden) despite him not knowing how financial loans work. Gendry is completely forgotten. Samwell is made the new Grand Maester]] and [[What|the North secedes and becomes independent under Queen Sansa (which definitely wouldn't cause future problems and tensions)]]. [[The Lord of the Rings|Arya sails to the West]] for some unknown reason and Jon is exiled but doesn't care because he gets to go back up north with the Wildings like he wanted. The end.

This trainwreck of a plot is a testament to how two morons can royally fuck up a show beyond any redeeming qualities the cast and crew can put forward. And even then there were screw-ups among the production staff, such as *the animators being unable to decide whether the sky is sunny or overcast when Dany and Drogon destroy the Iron Fleet - which mattered because Dany's plan to not get shot down involved having the sun behind her - and **not removing the actors' water bottles and coffee cups from the set before shooting. Hyperbole is sort of the norm here, but it really is hard to overstate how badly Season 8's finale fucks up. Game of Thrones was ''everywhere'' culturally for most of the 2010s, drawing in huge numbers of people who would otherwise never be caught dead indulging in High Fantasy works with us uber-nerds. Now, the entire Thrones fandom has practically disappeared or gone underground. Honestly, it would be an impressive achievement if it weren't so terrible.

==House of the Dragon: The ''other'' TV show==

{{Topquote|If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again.|Benjamin Franklin [[Star Wars:Rebels|(and also Maul when trying to kill Kanan)]]}}

Deciding that there was still a market for Game of Thrones stuff even after the last season turned the 2010s biggest pop-culture phenomenon into a laughingstock*, HBO bet the bank on some spin-offs, the first of which is now upon us. House of the Dragon is a prequel dealing with the Dance of Dragons, a civil war between two Targaryen factions that ends up consuming Westeros and everyone in it World-War style, and featuring lots of dragons fighting dragons and the standard Westeros fare of fairly bad people doing extremely bad things. Like Game of Thrones before it, it boasts a star-studded cast, a big budget, and a lot of hype. Time will tell if it redeems the failures of the original show or repeats them. If there's a reason to be optimistic (aside from Dumb and Dumber being absent), it would be that the whole story of the Dance of Dragons is written and mapped out, meaning the writers don't have to come up with their own shit to make an ending that George hasn't yet written. Has gotten off to a strong start, so there's the hope that it will be able to redeem the legacy GoT's last two seasons absolutely ruined.

*Given that the premiere was apparently so widely watched it crashed the streaming for many people, they might actually be right.

Ultimately, with Martin having more oversight over the writing of this series, and director Miguel Sapochnik actually having a passion for the setting and genre rather than just answering a mystery question to GRRM's satisfaction, the current 6 episodes have seen sky high bumps in both HBO viewership and rave reviews. The slow burn over years as the characters inch closer towards disaster has left the majority of viewers on a palpable knife's edge so far. By the time the 1st season wrapped up, the show had garnered enough praise and profit to warrant the green light by HBO for work on the next season, with out of the park critical and commercial praise, in most cases surpassing its Amazon LOTR contemporary ''Rings of Power'' with just a third of the budget per episode. In fact, George Martin was so moved by the performance of Paddy Considine as King Viserys Targaryen, that he stated that he wished he could tear out all that he wrote about the character in his books and rewrite it to match the show version.

==GRRM and [[Your Dudes]]==
Want to make your own ASoIF setting for a role-playing game? Well, readers have enough room to fantasize about their own minor noble House (or kingdom during the Age of the Hundred Kingdoms).

A good example of what you could do is the House from the old [[/v/|"Telltale Game of Thrones"]], House Forrester. Their relationship to the canon is as follows:

House Forrester (lords of someplace in the Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Glover (overall lords of the entire Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Stark (rulers of the North).

[[Fantasy Flight Games]] had a very brief tie-in making those annoying attention-sucking Facebook games, way back when FFG did that sort of thing. Just goes to show how even the other guys [[Games Workshop|will do anything for money]].

There's also an actual tie-in tabletop RPG now, which uses its own system and looks kind of like [[Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay]] with a heavy helping of resource-management strategy feel.
Players are assuming the role of a minor House to guide to glory, or, more accurately given the setting we're in, NOT to ruin utterly in a season or two, which would still be more than many A-list players mustered in canon. Each PC has a specific position within said House, and only the role of official Head is mandatory; the rest could be wife/children/brothers and sisters/all other kinds of siblings, bastards (with rules for obtaining the legitimate recognition), maesters, sworn/subservient knights, or most of anybody else. This naturally opens up near-infinite possibilities for families screwed up seven ways to high heavens, which would make Lannister's brand of infighting-slash-inbreeding look as sane as the High Septon.

The setting is also ill-suited for "adventures in Westeros" style of gaming for two reasons:
#In the grim darkness of low fantasy, a roaming nobody with no banner to talk about, no House allegiance, no nothing isn't generally treated to a Tavern With Quest Givers, but rather more to a Tavern Where You Are Shanked For Your Sword And Boots And Dumped At The Nearest Forest. Heck, even the big wheelers and dealers are routinely seen invited to the latter when they are slow to properly introduce themselves.
#Working on your initially-puny House will quite realistically involve thy neighbours first and foremost, then liege lords from the higher House yours is sworn to, and on occasion shopping around for an advantageous marriage - there simply ain't gonna be that much spare time to "travel to see places". Both of these are also why tourism wasn't a very popular pastime in medieval Europe (aside from Pilgrimages to Jerusalem, Cologne and Santiago de Compostela) and why those who were "living on the road" usually enjoyed the lowest social standing.

A note to aspiring Lords: do NOT, under any circumstances, allow your "combat-optimized" siblings an unsupervised minute in a social setting. Game's "social combat" system is a thing more brutal than the physical one, and it takes a socially-optimized character all of a few minutes to mindfuck one who is not (read: everyone but dedicated diplomats and Heads of the Houses, and not every one of the latter, to boot, as illustrated by several amazing boneheads in canon) into believing pretty much anything short of Grumpkins and Snarks. Stupid NPCs or a stupid GM will make said mindfuck obvious, allowing you to "mindfuck 'em back" without abuse of OOC info; cunning ones will not.

On a side-note; GRRM is said to take a dim view of fanfiction, saying it kills creative ability. This is kind of a double-edged statement, since a lot of George's characters here are either rehashes of his characters from previous works, references to other fictional characters (like Littlefinger and Samwell being based on Jay Gatsby and [[The Lord of the Rings|Samwise Gamgee]]), walking tropes (such as Ned Stark and Robb Stark being the "[[TVTropes|Honor Before ]] [[Lawful Stupid|Reason]]" characters) or historical references (such House Lannister ripping off House Lancaster and House Tyrell being totally-not-House-Tudor - to the point that Margaery Tyrell is played by Natalie Dormer from "The Tudors" TV show). While this makes everything he wrote just another...fanfiction, and his disapproval hypocritical. Still, given the "creative" output of the average neckbeard, he's perhaps not entirely wrong. For another layer of irony/hypocrisy, he sold the rights to make a TV series of the books to HBO, who's adaptation would eventually devolve into a glorified fanfic.

==Games==
[[image:AGot-2nd-ed-cardfan.png|thumb|250px]]
Like any fantasy author who finds themselves unexpectedly in the warm embrace of commercial success, Martin quickly licensed the shit out of his setting; spawning everything from resin miniatures to replica great swords. While most of this is worthless junk to foist on [[Neckbeard|obsessive fanboys]] /tg/ has agreed that a few of the games are made of win. The first two are a collectable [[CCG|card game]] put out in 2002 by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] and a [[Risk]]-esque board game that followed shortly after in 2003. One of [[White Wolf]]'s subsidiaries also put out a [[d20 System|d20 RPG]] in 2005 but it quickly tanked because, come on, [[White Wolf]]. Martin since wrested the rights back and developed a new version with [[Green Ronin Games]].

Now let's have some serious talks about the Game of Thrones games, because they have become some sort of endless source of [[Skub|amusement and frustration]] for the gaming fanbase. Game of Thrones is, roughly speaking, the second franchise with the most licensed board games, after [[Star Wars]]. Some of them have acquired quite a legendary status and a fanbase that goes beyond the book or series fans.

The great juggernaut for all the ASOIAF-based games is [[Fantasy Flight Games]]:
* First and foremost we have [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-the-board-game-second-edition/ ''A Game of Thrones: The Board Game'']: a game that after two editions still ranks high in /bgg/'s top 100, and has recently had an expansion. The board game has become some sort of meme for the modern board gamers and it could be considered the equivalent of a more advanced [[Risk]], in which dice and blank character got replaced by a very flavourful and brutal combat system and a lot of thematical mechanics fueling the engine. Overall this game has been associated with concepts such as requiring maximum player count to really be entertaining, having an amazing amount of length and depth and being a very faithful representation of the political feeling the series inspired. Almost any boardgamer or wargamer worth his salt has played this game and enjoyed its highs, its lows and the amazing amount of frustrations it brings. This is probably the most well known of all the ASOIAF games and it was released way before Game of Thrones was a cultural phenomenon back in 2003.<br>
:It also has a digital edition, sold on Steam and Android

* Another game that bears mention, both for its excellent mechanics and its historical significance is [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-the-card-game-second-edition/ A Game of Thrones: The Card Game]. It is one of the most balanced card game experiences you can get, also full of flavour and with quite a great amount of balance and non-linear thinking. The best part is, unlike certain other popular card games, the game follows the living card game format: players know exactly what each booster pack brings and can buy cards in a more responsible manner, rather than playing bingo and hoping to get a rare card. Also, the sole core set already provides more replayability than some fully-fledged board games.

* Finally, the last game to mention in the [[Fantasy Flight Games|FFG]] venerable trilogy of games is [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/battles-of-westeros/ ''Battles of Westeros''], arguably the most ambitious and least successful of the three. Battles of Westeros was a fully-fledged wargame that used the [[Memoir 44]] and [[BattleLore]] rules as a base, but then evolved into its own by introducing mechanics such as commanders, tactic cards, and very creative scenario rules. Miniatures were made in 15mm and, for their time and scale, they were quite detailed; some commanders are real standouts (for example, Robb Stark's has his direwolf jumping at his side).<br>
:Thanks to its scale, the game was able to provide players with a great number of options and units at a fraction of the price of other board games. With a core set that was already stacked with units and variety, and then faction-specific expansions that added several more units and commanders. The game also came with scenario books that provided narrative play with quite creative rule variants, such as storming palisades, having decoys in escort missions, and bombarding enemies with catapults. One scenario even tried to bring to life the Battle of the Blackwater (the hybrid invasion of King's Landing by Stannis ''the God-Damn Mannis'' Baratheon). The game was incredible and quite a creative wargame, but its main issue was that the setup time was just terrible. Incredibly complex and tiresome when compared to the actual gameplay time.

There are others, such as the ASOIAF-themed [[Settlers of Catan|Catan]] expansion called [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-catan-brotherhood-of-the-watch/ ''A Game of Thrones Catan: Brotherhood of the Watch''], another card game called [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/hand-of-the-king/ ''A Game of Thrones: Hand of the King''], and another board game [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/game-of-thrones-the-iron-throne/#/products-section ''Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne'']. The quality of those, however, remains to be seen.

And then the miniature-producing Kickstarter juggernaut [[CMON]] decided to produce its own [[wargame]], with AMAZING miniatures. The game began with, of course, a [https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cmon/a-song-of-ice-and-fire-tabletop-miniatures-game Kickstarter], and after that, the game has had at least 2 dozen more releases with 3 more factions added.<br>
The game has some mechanics taken from rank and file games, such as [[Kings of War]], combining them with mechanics taken out of "battles of Westeros" particularly the tactics deck. A new page is in the works: [[ASOIAF Miniature Game]]

==Books==
*''A Game of Thrones''
*''A Clash of Kings''
*''A Storm of Swords'': Split into 2
*''A Feast for Crows'': half the characters, the point where the series goes down the toilet
*''A Dance with Dragons'': split into 2 the first is about the other half of the characters, and manages to pick things up a bit
*''The Winds of Winter'': First rumored to be ready by late 2018, then given an official release date of Summer 2020, those times have come and gone and the book is unreleased. Though he has shared chapters of the book.
*''A Dream of Spring'' : Unreleased and unlikely to ever be.
** GRRM will most likely die before writing this, though he has given an outline for how he wants the series to end that might be made public knowledge if he dies before the book series is finished.
*''The Dunk and Egg Series'': A story about a landless hedge knight travelling across Westeros with a Targaryen squire, so he can teach him how not to be an asshole to peasants. Consists of three small novels, with the fourth one being essentially ready (it was supposed to be published in a Dangerous Women anthology, but was shelved by Martin).
*''Fire and Blood'': Martin's Silmarillion (it even had a GRRMarillion working title at one point) that details the rule of Targaryen kings since the Conquest up until Robert's Rebellion. Only one tome, which abruptly ends on King Aegon III sixteen birthday, was relased, with the second one being released <s>never</s> after Winds of Winter.
**''Sons of the Dragon'': standalone chapter that was released 2 years before full FoF, detailing reigns of Aenys and Maegor.
**''Rogue Prince'': chapter about King Viserys' reign on which most of HOTD's Season 1 is based.
**''The Princess and The Queen'': chapter about Dance of Dragons (do not be confused with Dance ''with'' Dragons).

==On The "Grimdarkness" of the Setting==

One important note: While the setting is usually held to be "Grimdark", it is also very true to Real Life in its nastiness, with real consequences for assholes. George himself has said, quote; "No matter how much I make up, there's stuff in history that's just as bad, or worse." Book one is almost exactly the beginning of the War of the Roses, except with England enlarged to a continent's size and the seasons stretched out to let the travel times work. (...And then the dragons wake up, the ice elves and their undead armies return and magic makes a comeback. It's not a perfect analogy. All that stuff is closed in their own sub plots and they don't involve the main continent in the book, that is left to "common" war and plotting.)

For an example of Grimdark, but with consequences: The King can order the execution of the head of the leading noble family of the North, for essentially no reason, but now he doesn't have hostages to exchange when their relatives and/or armies come after him seeking revenge. (And all this is modeled on various occasions where more or less '''exactly''' this kind of thing happened in real life medieval Europe.)

In other words: Truly heinous shit goes on, and there's nothing ''stopping'' that kind of shit... but there are ''consequences'' to that kind of shit that act as an effective counterbalance against being seen to do that kind of shit to the smarter nobles in the kingdom. And, because anyone can die, the shittiest characters are no more guaranteed survival than the nicest.

Also worth mentioning that there's reason to think that, despite the quote that began this page, the series may not actually end on [[The End Times|100% downer note]], as Martin has said he hopes his series will end in a way akin to the Scouring of the Shire from Lord of the Rings, which, despite the name, is more of a bittersweet ending. So who knows (though this also presumes the author will actually get around to finishing the series at all).

In sum, whether the setting fully qualifies for "Grimdark" is a matter for debate. Probably the best way of looking at is that it is Grimdark, but in a nuanced way.

==See Also==
*[[/tg/ Song of Ice and Fire Houses]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U7NpSubAJQ Weiner, Weiner weiner]

[[category: Literature]]

A Song of Ice and Fire

2023-01-09T01:19:37Z

2A02:8070:8E81:DD40:0:0:0:AD3E: /* House Stark */

[[image:Game_of_Thrones_Title-DVD.png|300px|thumb|WIENER PARTY! WIENER PARTY!]]

{{Spoilers}}
{{Grimdark}}
{{Sick|Among other things, the books can barely go ten pages without having another rape.}}
'''Warning: This article contains so many spoilers we're ruining books that haven't even been released yet.'''

{{Topquote|If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.|Ramsay Bolton, nailing the grimdark theme of this series}}

{{Topquote|It matters not from whence the blood flows. Only that it flows.|George RR Martin, Exalted Champion of Khorne when explaining why so many characters get offed}}

'''''A Song of Ice and Fire''''', better known as '''''Game of Thrones''''' (though only the first book has that title) is a [[Grimdark]] fantasy book series for people who hate fantasy, or at the very least, have gotten their fill of Tolkien pretenders and want something more "distinct". Its central themes include [[Tzeentch|political Machiavellian scheming]], [[Khorne|ultraviolence]], [[Slaanesh|incest/sex with exposition/tons of rape]], and [[Nurgle|everyone trying to survive in such a Crapsack World of perpetual suffering]]. There is also lots and lots of food. Thus it has become one of the most popular series of our generation and its author, [[George R. R. Martin]], has been praised for his highly realized world and gritty low fantasy style. He was even called "the American [[Tolkien]]" by <s>Time magazine</s> gormless idiots who lump diametrically different writers together for no other reason than that they're both fantasy authors. The two authors do both have a passion (and talent) for worldbuilding and writing doorstoppers, but that's also where the similarities generally end. Still, the comparisons to Tolkien would probably explain this series' sudden spike in popularity following the TV show (at least [[Skub|to a point, anyway.]]) The great joke of an actual World War veteran writing fantasy about heroic knights and elves being compared to and contrasted with a conscientious objector who writes edgy fantasy is not lost on most (though its worth mentioning that Martin is as much of a Tolkien buff as any of us, meaning that he didn't write the series as a "fuck you" to Tolkien's work as some might assume).

The series itself is set on the [[Original character, do not steal|totally not medieval European ripoff]] realm of Westeros as it is wracked by a massive succession war drawing its realms into conflict. Everyone's picking up the pieces from the previous war until one family's bid for power starts another war (book one), A bunch of dudes declare themselves kings (book two), they're burning the continent down in their scramble for power, and somehow all the fuck-ups managed to lose anyway (book three). Just when the guys who lost the least start thinking they get to rule over the remaining chaos, more fuck ups happen and more dudes show up (book four). Sadly, winter has finally come and, unbeknownst to most people, [[Thousand Sons|evil ice wizards leading soulless undead]] [[Alpha Legion|assumed to be only myths by most people]] are about to invade the continent from the north. By the fifth book, things are going and/or will go to shit even for the bad guys.

According to a leaked fan conversation, George R. R. Martin jokingly stated the series would end with an epic cock-slap fight between Samwell Tarly and Jaime Lannister.

TL;DR: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Roses War of Roses] with a helpin' of <s>cliched fantasy</s> George's old sci-fi writing plots given a fantasy overhaul and [[/d/]]-lite.

[[ASOIAF Miniature Game|Miniature game has their own page now]]

== Setting and History ==
Most of the series takes place on an America-sized continent named Westeros, which stretches from pretty much the North Pole to the deserts of Dorn. It is populated by three main nations: First Men (Northmen and wildlings aka not!Celts), Andals (pretty much everyone else aka not!Anglo-Saxons) and Rhoynar (Dornishmen). All of them came from Essos in waves: the First Men displacing the druids and giants, then came the Andals who pushed the First Men further north and assimilated the survivors, and finally by the Rhoynar, a matriarch-ish society that fled the destruction of their homeland and finally found a home in Dorne. Ironborn (not!Vikings from western islands) are also of note, since despite their First Men ancestry, they developed an entirely different religion and culture based off raiding due to the barren sea-rocks they inhabit ([[Deep Ones|and possibly also influenced by weird creepy things living in the water that lived on the islands before they did]])

For thousand years Westeros was an utter mess of seven-ish kingdoms vying for supremacy. But while they were busy banging rocks together, the Eastern continent, Essos, was united by the <s>elves</s> magical dragon-riders powered by incest. The Valyrians would expand all over Essos, but their only presence in Westeros was a small island outpost (later named Dragonstone). At one point, however, the daughter of a minor noble family, Daenys Targaryen, had prophetic dreams about the death of her country, which forced her father to flee alongside his family and most valuable possessions (five dragons and some magic shit). His rivals in power laughed at him, but he turned to be right as a gigantic volcanic eruption obliterated Valyria and started the age of anarchy in Essos

The Targaryens did fuck all for a little over a century, until the ambitious lord Aegon grew tired of sister-fucking and decided to forge his own kingdom in Westeros. Even though his army was tiny and he was facing off against the full might of an entire continent, he also had '''dragons''', which in ASOIAF can grow to comically large proportions, and allowed him to wipe the floor with anyone dumb enough to stand against him. Just to make a point, he burnt down *the* largest fortress in Westeros ''in a single night'', melting down stone walls with dragonfire and leaving it cursed for centuries. Though, because the Targs were so reliant on dragons, the only Kingdom they couldn't conquer was [[Dune|Dorne]], who [[Tallarn|mujahideen]]'d their way to a truce after killing one of the sister-wives' dragons with a Ballista and (probably) threatening Aegon with the knowledge that they were willing to spend their entire Kingdom's wealth to hire [[Callidus Assassin|magical assassins]] to end the Targaryen line.

The Targaryens ruled for 280 years, but their rule was also marked by lots of shitty kings (because of the rampant incest), but also by rebelling bastards (who were the result of non-incest). Somewhere along the way, magic began to leave the world. Spells were no longer as effective and the price for such magic became steeper and steeper (which is why most magic in the "present" requires blood or sacrifice of some sort). This was most evident in Westeros when the dynasty's dragons became successively smaller and smaller; it also probably didn't help that they raised them in a coliseum-style Vault and also only had 5 dragons to start with. The dynasty's fate was sealed in the "Dance of Dragons" which was an internal conflict between Targaryens and the last real war to include dragons and dragonriders.

Their ultimate downfall came just before the beginning of the series, when Prince Rhaegar (supposedly) kidnapped the bride of a powerful lord Robert Baratheon and the Mad King killed her father and brother, who just wanted her back, triggering a rebellion that they lost and once again setting the stage for a Seven Kingdom free-for-all.

==Characters==
{{cleanup}}
Since these books have some thousand named characters, you won't remember most of them without an obsessive disorder over details.
Here's a relatively shortlist (mostly based on the TV series rather than the books, but seems to randomly switch between the two) for the characters you'll care about. We'll also be making an effort to mostly focus on characters from the main series, rather than historical figures like Maegor Targaryen, the Dance of Dragons Blacks and Greens, and so on. Trust us, given the number of characters we already have to cover, it's for the best. The houses listed here doesn't even come close to covering them all, either.

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===House Stark===

''"Winter Is Coming"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Honourable, bro-tier northerners who always [[Space Wolves|compare themselves to direwolves and have a few as pets]]. They have a tendency towards being so resolutely honorable that proves to bite them in the ass due to naivete about how [[Tzeentch|Westerosi corrupt politics actually works]] (not that dishonorable characters often fare any better, but that's an "Anyone Can Die" setting for you). They're also arguably the protagonists of the setting. Basically Scotland and/or House Lancaster in the War of the Roses (but named after House York).
* Eddard Stark, ''The Quiet Wolf'': Patriarch, lord and POV death-puppet. Not nearly as stupid as everyone tries to pretend...but still kind of stupid, and very much a dead man walking. Honorable to a fault and deeply repulsed by the politicking that goes on around him, which eventually leads to a mild case of death by decapitation. Has somewhat of a mixed reputation among the big players of Westeros; Jamie Lannister despises Ned for judging him for breaking his oath and saving millions of people in King's Landing and never listening to his side of the story, Littlefinger hates him for much, much pettier reasons (as outlined further below). Varys and Tyrion both kind of admire him, but were in agreement over the fact that Ned did the worst possible thing at the most inconvenient time and ultimately got what was coming to him.
* Benjen Stark: Ned's ranger/Night's Watch brother (so the Faramir to his Boromir), who disappears later in the story and may or may not be the mysterious "Coldhands" (in the TV show he is).
* Robb Stark, ''The Young Wolf'': Shiny, King Arthur-like hero who veers between being [[Lawful Stupid]] and [[Lion El'Johnson|a brilliant military leader]]. After waging a successful war to avenge his murdered father, he was betrothed to a noblewoman but he ended having comfort sex with a virgin noblewoman which may have been arranged by her scheming bitch mother, while in softcore porno he got the hots for a commoner. Cacks it nastily: he got his head cut off and his pet's wolf's head stuck on his body, which was paraded around while his enemies chanted "HERE COMES THE KING IN THE NORTH!" In other words, he's a Scottish [[Roman Empire|Hannibal Barca]]. In the show his pregnant wife dies with him for added Grimdark, but in the books he (wisely) leaves her behind when he goes to the Red Wedding.
* Sansa Stark: Useless teenage girl extraordinaire at the start of the series with dreams of marrying a prince and "having lots of babies", but gets shat on hard by reality, being a case-study in what happens when you go into a Grimdark world thinking like a Fairy Tale Princess. Becomes Littlefinger's replacement goldfish when Catelyn's no longer around, her father got killed and her best friend was sold as a sex slave, and ended up in the worst relationship we can possibly imagine with King Joffrey. [[Grimdark|Even got deflowered via rape by Ramsey Bolton]] and married to him before managing to escape with the help of others. Currently acting as a co-ruler to her brother/cousin Jon Snow, and has learned much from her suffering, allowing her to kick Littlefinger out of the Great Game via throat slitting. While in the book Littlefinger is/was setting her up at House Arryn to claim the Vale and the North, the show version becomes QUEEN IN DA NORF in the final episode.
* Arya Stark: Little tomboy assassin. Has a kill list, but doesn't get to use it so long as she is an amnesiac apprentice of [[Officio Assassinorum|the Friendly Neighborhood Assassins Guild]]. In the books, she's still training with the Faceless Men, but in the show she's broken away from them and headed back to Westeros to get revenge on a LOT of people, giving her one of the highest kill counts in the series. She goes home to Winterfell when she hears that Jon and Sansa took it back and starts acting as a general "troubleshooter" for Sansa while scaring the hell out of everyone with all her new assassin skillz. Kills the Night King like a fucking champion in Season 8 (though in a way that doesn't actually make any sense), then rides south to add Cersei to her body count. Instead, the Hound talks her out of it and she [[The Lord of the Rings|decides to sail into the unknown west]]. Kind of the [[Mary Sue|writer's pet]] in the show, among other things getting to avenge the Red Wedding in a brutally cinematic manner even though Dumb and Dumber justified giving us a pregnant woman getting stabbed to death on-screen because Game of Thrones is above "cliches" like loved ones getting avenged in just such a way. And her aforementioned killing of the Night King that doesn't actually make any sense, since it required her getting the drop on him in a way that was ''physically impossible without out-of-universe special effects equipment''. Book version is still level-grinding to get to her TV version's skill level.
* Catelyn Stark (nee Tully): A woman who trusts the wrong people at the worst time, causing a lot of misery. Gets killed along with Robb, then comes back (books only) as Lady Stoneheart, an undead witch bent on killing all the Boltons, Freys, Greyjoys, Lannisters... pretty much everyone she thinks was tangentially involved in betraying her and her family, or somebody who just pissed her off (kind of hard to blame her though). The show writers left this part out completely, which caused much [[rage]] and [[skub]] in the fandom.
* Bran Stark: Intelligent little boy, named after the founder of House Stark, Brandon the Builder (basically Tony Stark combined with [[Leman Russ]]). He was crippled in the first sign of major [[GrimDark]]. Has prophetic dreams and becomes a [[druid]]. In the TV series, fucks things up by alerting the Others to where he's hiding, which gets all of the Children, his loyal wolf, the Three-Eyed Crow and Hodor killed. For good measure, turns out to have accidentally ''caused'' Hodor to become, well, Hodor, as he was using his druid powers to figure out why Hodor is only able to say Hodor, resulting in Hodor's gruesome death-by-zombies being beamed directly into young Hodor's brain. He's now the Three-Eyed Raven and likes going around being creepy as fuck and generally weirding people out. Becomes King of the <s>Seven</s> Six Kingdoms in a hilariously nonsensical plot twist in the finale.
* Rickon Stark: Four years old at the start, turning into a real little [[Barbarian]] from not being raised properly, because everyone who would have raised him was dead or missing. In the books, he and his wildling nanny Osha are on the cannibal-infested island of Skagos, and Davos Seaworth is on his way there to pick them up so that the northern lords who are still loyal to House Stark have a figurehead to rally behind. In the show, he ends up hanging out at the Umbers, then is handed over to Ramsay as a prisoner when Smalljon becomes afraid of the Wildlings living north of him (who were invited by Jon Snow to fight the Zombie Apocalypse), and finally dies via arrow in a sick game of "dodge the missiles" courtesy of Ramsey.
* Jon Snow, ''The White Wolf'': A bastard living in the Stark household before leaving for the Night's Watch (basically [[The Last Chancers|Colonel Schaeffer]] with more convicted rapists under his command) and excels there because nearly every one of his fellow recruits are peasants who have never had a formal days of training while Jon has had the serious training afforded to all lords. After he takes over by becoming the Watch Commander secures and alliance with the Wildlings, ancient barbarian enemies of the Night's Watch, because when the end of the world is coming you tend to think outside the box. Also gets a Wildling girlfriend, but she dies. He was taken under the wing by the Lord Commander Jora Mormont and given advice by Aemon (a Targaryen who is so '''old''' that everyone south has forgotten he existed, and unbeknownst to him, his great-great-granduncle), and managed to actually be a competent leader: after a disastrous loss of strength after the failure of the Great Ranging, and then the Wildling invasion, he unilaterally decides to let the Wildlings through in exchange for their aid in securing the Wall against the real enemy; he even impresses Stannis (The Mannis) with his honor and sense of justice. [[Grimdark|And then, all the corrupt exiles from the South (and the rejects who were left behind during the Ranging) banded together to kill him]].
**Though he's currently dead in the books as a result of mutiny, he was revived by R'hllor in the series after being stabbed to death by the senior members of the Watch. Isn't actually Eddard's bastard son, but rather the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, meaning that he is, in fact, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. The new KING IN DA NORF according to his supporters after he killed Ramsay Bolton and took back Winterfell, and is also currently hooking up with his own aunt.
**He turns on Daenerys once he realizes she's lost it and kills her in the throne room, but [[Plot Armor|for some reason her dragon doesn't kill him despite seeing him do the the deed]]. The Unsullied want his head, but instead, King Bran exiles him to the Night's Watch and he fucks off into the far north to live with the Free Folk.
* Hodor: Hodor. Hodor, Hodor, Hodor. <s>An enormous and possibly retarded stable boy, and Bran's faithful steed.</s> Hodor. Ok, in all actual seriousness, this guy is probably one of the most tragic figures in this series (and that's saying something). [[Grimdark|The guy basically received horrible visions of his own death fighting a horde of zombies, buying time for his friends to escape by literally holding the door shut as he was hacked apart]]. This causes him to suffer a mental break, leading him to develop Immature Personality Disorder and making it so the only thing he can say is a garbled version of his friend's last request "hold the door" for all of his adult life; the logic here is that "hold the door" devolves into "hol' th' door" and eventually "Hodor". You now feel bad for at laughing at the guy.
* Osha: A Wildling woman who surrendered to the Starks and becomes their servant in exchange for not getting killed. Now dead in the show thanks to Ramsay's dickery, costing the cast another valued waifu.</div></div>

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===House Targaryen===

''"Fire and Blood"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The former Dragon kings and rulers of Westeros, [[Eldar|fair-haired purple-eyed beautiful people]] who have descended from the [[Dark Age of Technology|ancient technologically-advanced superpower]] of [[Roman Empire|Valyria]], which collapsed because of [[Fall of the Eldar|their colossal hubris]]. After the anarchic [[Age of Strife|Century of Blood]], the Targaryen patriarch Aegon I, instead of reconquering the lost cause of Essos and of Valyria's former empire, looked towards the rather primitive continent of Westeros, and its squabbling Seven Kingdoms, [[Great Crusade|to establish his own Imperial dynasty and unify the Realm]]. Aegon I is essentially the Low Fantasy version of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror William the Conqueror] and/or the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], with a little dash of [[/d/|incest]].

[[Rules Lawyer|Thanks to a loophole]], the Targaryens were immune to the moral objections relating to incest. Common sense (and common decency) took back seat to a time-honoured policy of [[/d/|catastrophic inbreeding]], which made a number of problems, the most obvious of which was that a whole bunch of them were fucking crazy. Aegon I married his older and younger sisters and had several kids with each, which would be the start of another Targaryen tradition: the occasional succession crisis. Because GRRM can't write a book without going off on a tangent (and because the Targaryens were running things for a good chunk of the setting's history), the Targaryens and their 300ish long legacy is full of rebellions and wars ripped from English History and in turn mined by HBO. Fun interregnums include the Dance of Dragons, where the Targaryens used the last of their dragons in a brutal civil-war against each other (and now a TV show), and the Blackfyre Rebellions, where the fat-fuck Aegon IV (who had Henry VII's opposite problems: he fucked everyone and had many heirs) legitimized all his bastards and even gifted one of them the dynasty's greatest treasure: the Blackfyre sword. Actually, considering how ''much'' of these rebellions were caused by half-Targaryen bastards, [[/d/|maybe they had a point?]]

Eventually, the lineage was banished to Essos after a brutal civil war: Aerys II, a crazy paranoid king that savagely executed many different people, made the wrong move of executing the Lord and Heir of the North; the two men were in King's Landing because Aery's son, Rhaegar, the '''non''-crazy one, eloped/abducted Robert Baratheon's fiance and their sister. Since he was already married and she was engaged, they left together in secret, which caused Robert the Cuck to go wild. Joining with Eddard, the new Lord of the North, and their teacher/foster-dad Jon Arryn, the three Kingdoms rebelled and Robert warhammered Rhaegar because STR > DEX.

The survivors were smuggled out/hidden from Robert, with Viserys and his then-pregnant mother hiding on their ancestral home of Dragonstone first, before fucking off to Essos when the war was truly lost; Rhaegar's ''first'' son and daughter were killed and his wife raped by the Lannister's bannermen, though Rhaegar's best friend [[Gay|who loved him very, very, very much]] claims to have helped sneak him out of Westeros and hides with him in Essos; finally, Rhaegar and Lyanna's son, Jon/Aegon, was adopted by Ned, who was made to realize that the entire civil war was a misunderstanding and that his whoremongering drunk of a foster brother would've probably been a terrible brother-in-law anyway. [[Grimdark]]. Basically, the entire British royal family, but with more incest, and a lot of dragons. Still, they occasionally did have genuinely good people like Aegon V (aka Egg), Jaeherys I the Conciliator, his wife Good Queen Alysanne and complete badasses like Brynden Bloodraven and Baelor Breakspear (too bad Bloodraven is hooked up to Old God wi-fi permanently and Breakspear died before he could become king).
Pseudo-Romans and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Normandy House of Normandy].

* Aerys II, ''The Mad King'': [[Kharn|A pretty fun guy to be around]]. Had a psychotic fascination for fire, which extended to being a psychotic fascination for burning traitors, a category of people that eventually grew to include anybody he disliked for any reason, anyone who disagreed with him, and a few people who were unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire. [[Goge Vandire|Teamkilled by his bodyguard Jaime for planning to burn the city down with everyone inside it, and even refused to accept his death until he actually died]].
* Daenerys Targaryen, ''Stormborn'': She was sold by her brother to a barbarian leader [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|Khal (warlord) Drogo]] in exchange for the promise that he'd use his Khalassar (Warband/tribe) to conquer Westeros. She found her self esteem as his wife, then her husband killed her idiot brother Viserys and promised to conquer the world for Daenerys, making her a full-fledged badass barbarian war queen. Unfortunately, her husband died when [[Derp|Daenerys trusted one of the slaves whose town Drogo had pillaged and burnt to heal an infected wound of his]] and his horde fell apart (though the book is somewhat ambiguous as to whether the slave did kill Drogo). Then she hatched three dragons (completely by accident when she tried to commit suicide) bringing them back from extinction, and now everyone wants to marry her because she is now one of the most powerful people around due to said dragons and being good-looking (in the books this is by the age-of-consent in Westeros standards, where girls are women when they start getting their periods and boys are men at age 13). [[Gets shit done]] except the entire fifth book, in which she mopes around about wanting to marry an annoying, flamboyant mercenary instead of saving herself for political marriage. After banging the flamboyant mercenary, she later marries a Meereenese noble who guarantees he can get her some peace (more likely [[Just As Planned|just as he planned]]).
**She also does nothing while insurgents kill her men, a horde of plagued refugees spread disease to her city and standing idly by while an enemy army besieges her walls, all for realistically political reasons because the world is a horrible place. Learns how to train her dragon. In the books she's just encountered another Khalassar after being hauled away from Meereen by Drogo. In the TV series, she takes over all the Dothraki and adds them to her army, then heads for Westeros to invade the place with her army of elite hoplites, massive horde of Dothraki and her dragons. By the time she gets to King's Landing she's taken significant losses, including two of her dragons, and is fucking her nephew (Jon Snow). Officially went Mad Queen as of S8E5, wherein she burned most of King's Landing after the city attempted to surrender and has decided to "liberate" everyone on the planet, whether they want it or not. Jon kills her in the series finale so that she won't go around burninating the rest of the world.
* The dragons: The three dragons that Daenerys hatched. They're wyverns that breathe fire, [[Awesome|have blood hot enough to melt steel]], and [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|cook their meat before eating it]]. Naturally, some of the coolest things in the story.
** Drogon; named for her late husband, Khal Drogo. Black and red, the biggest and [[Gork|most aggressive dragon]]. Starts eating people and then escapes, leading to the other two getting imprisoned. Interrupts a gladiator tournament, killing a lot of people before being whipped by Daenerys into flying her to a Khalassar that broke off from her husband's after his death. In the show, he's the last dragon standing after Viserion bites it north of the Wall and his undead body is put down at Winterfell and Rhaegal gets shot down over Dragonstone. Takes Dany's body, destroys the Iron Throne and fucks off to who knows where after Dany is killed.
** Rhaegal; named for the first of her dead brothers, Rhaegar. Green and gold, the [[Mork|cunning one]] and the loudest (with a roar "...that would have sent a hundred lions fleeing,"). Kills Quentyn Martell when the latter is trying to goad Viserion (see below). After breaking out of jail with Viserion they go "all your base are belong to us" on Meereen, killing people and taking over the pyramid of a loyal family as his lair. Last seen playing "sack the town" with Viserion in the books. Dead in the show thanks to Euron Greyjoy and some Diabolus ex Machina bullshit.
** Viserion; named for her other brother Viserys. White and gold and the [[Vulkan|friendliest]] (as dragons go, he still eats people). Dug cave for himself in his jail then moved into another pyramid after his and his brother's great escape. Gets killed by the [[Vampire Counts|Night's King in the show via a magic spear, then his corpse is reanimated to be the Night King's zombie dragon steed]] and blasts a hole in the famous Wall, allowing the armies of snow elves and zombies to start flooding Westeros. Now perma-dead thanks to the Night King biting it.
* Viserys Targaryen, ''The Beggar King'': Daenerys' physically abusive older brother. Best known for being a bully with incestuous lust for her, and an arrogant and incompetent fuck with a massive sense of entitlement. He eventually got himself killed for being an all-around jerk and whiny idiot, which culminated in him threatening his sister and unborn nephew with a sword while drunk in a sacred Dothraki place where weapons and bloodshed are forbidden on pain of death (execution is done by bloodless death - having a scarf wrapped tight around the neck and being drowned in a barrel). Daenerys' husband [[awesome|poured molten gold over his head and called it his promised crown, also ensuring his death didn't technically shed any blood in their sacred place]].
* Aegon Targaryen, ''Aegon VI'': Daenerys' nephew, the son of her brother Rhaegar. Been hiding in Essos for the entire length of the series, but recently raised an army of Westerosi exiles and threw them all a massive Welcome Home party with rape and pillage. Wants to marry his aunt because she has dragons, ''and might not actually be a member of House Targaryen'' if you believe some fans. He can actually count past 6, can multiply numbers, can read different language and has a minor understanding of geometry thus cementing him as one of the most educated people in this overwrought series. Can also do his own laundry.
**Like Dany, he has his own band of misfits following him around. While Dany has Dothraki and Unsullied, Aegon has '''The Golden Company''', a mercenary company of ten thousand, descended from the forces loyal to the Blackfyre bastards. The Golden Company has a long and storied history of invading Westeros and failing, which has led to the theories that Aegon is really a Blackfyre. Because of their long history and descent from actual nobles, the Golden Company is nothing like the mercenary rabble common in the rest of the series, even having dedicated knight, archer, and War Elephant divisions.
* Brynden Rivers ''Bloodraven'': A Targaryen bastard who came to prominence about a hundred years before the series as a sort of sorcerer, he later became known as the "Three-Eyed Raven/Crow" after encountering the Children of the Forest, and uses his powers to help advert the Long Night and train Bran. He's described as having long, white hair, missing an eye, bound to a tree, knows all and sees all, associated heavily with ravens and omens... [[Vikings|yeah, he's very much Odin, come to think of it. Just a lot more of an asshole than the Warrior King of legend.]]
**In his prime, he was pretty much just Loki. The Spymaster ''and'' Hand of the King during the Blackfyre Rebellions (a rebellion of all Aegon IV's many bastards, [[Troll|who he legitimized on his deathbed because that's how he rolled]]), he was one of the few to remain loyal. He was a sorceror and had a spy network so thorough, it was a commmon-joke that the [[Magnus the Red|one-eyed]] sorcerer had "[[Thousand Sons|a thousand eyes]], and [[Tzeentch|one]]" He had his own elite unit of archers that solved the first rebellion by sticking the claimant, his heir, and finally his twin, full of arrows.
**Exiled to the Night's Watch after assassinating after assassinating a Blackfyre after promising him safe passage, a running theme in ASOIAF.
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===House Lannister===

''"Hear Me Roar"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Monopoly|Westeros' richest family]], proud, pompous, selfish and fabulous assholes. Not much of a martial tradition but if you cross them [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7t7cnwlOgY they will fucking cut you]. You can tell they are the bad guys because they have an army of sick fucks, including a zebra-riding mercenary band and 7' 8" Khornate Champion <s>not-Goliath</s> Gregor Clegane. House York (though named after House Lancaster) combined with the House of Rothschild and the Mafia. Their unofficial motto is "A Lannister Always Pays His Debts"
* Tywin Lannister, ''The Lion of Lannister'': The Godfather, head of the house, and obsessed with his reputation as a Magnificent Bastard extraordinaire. Lawful Evil Personified. He was a most feared general whose greatest achievement was [[Exterminatus|erasing House Reyne from existence]], which was immortalised in his own sweet-yet-creepy-as-fuck theme song (The Rains of Castamere) that became used as a warning against anyone standing against him. During his tenure as Hand of the King (i.e. Prime Minister), he was a political genius who operated as the true power behind the Iron Throne, keeping the realm stable and prosperous despite the stupidity of Aerys II and Joffrey. However, despite all of his achievements, he's an [[Emperor|absolutely terrible father]], who treats his children as nothing more than tools to further his political agenda. He completely overlooks the incestuous relationship his two oldest children had, and hated Tyrion and made his life a living hell for very poor reasons. He humiliated Tyrion whenever it wouldn't threaten the family's reputation, berated Tyrion for being a whore-monger despite secretly being one himself (this is ''only'' in the show), [[Grimdark|tried to get him killed multiple times]], and as the capstone of awful parenting, he taught Tyrion not to marry commoners after he married one called Tysha - by forcing Tyrion to watch Tysha get gang-raped, forcing him to rape her too and then annulling their marriage. The only person Tywin truly loved was his wife. He eventually gets his comeuppance when Tyrion finds out the truth about the Tysha incident and kills him with a crossbow, all while mentioning that out of all his children, Tyrion was the most alike to Tywin himself. He's based on [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Neville,_16th_Earl_of_Warwick Warwick the Kingmaker].
* Joanna Lannister: Tywin's late wife and first cousin, meaning the next three characters are inbred as well, ironically. Dies giving birth to Tyrion, which is part of why Tywin hates him, though Cersei hates him for other reasons. Caught wind of Cersei and Jaime's incestuous tendencies, but she died before she could tell Tywin. It is implied that her ghost visits Jaime in a dream and mourns the current state of her family.
* Cersei Lannister, ''Bitch Queen'': Tywin and Joanna's first child. Twin sister to Jaime Lannister and wife to King Robert Baratheon. She fucks her brother Jaime all the time and had three of his children, whom she passed off as Robert's to grab power. She is a massive narcissist who thinks of herself as "female Tywin" and hence seeks to rule Westeros as the Queen, and will do anything to keep her power... even when [[Abbadon the Despoiler|most of her plans end up becoming utter failures]]. Crazy as all fuck and prophesied to be killed by the "little brother." This is because of a prophecy made by a witch, Cersei was a child that she'd be a beautiful queen, lose everything, her children would die before her, and the "Valonqar" would kill her. Though that does explain why she hates Tyrion as hard as all fuck, [[Just As Planned|the exact translation of the term]] that was used is "younger sibling", and not necessarily her sibling, which opens the door to all sorts of characters who hate the fuck out of her. Since Jaime is technically younger by a few seconds, him killing Cersei would be an interesting twist not without buildup. Possibly the Witch was messing with her head because of what a bitch Cersei was being to her, something Cersei never grew out of. Cersei is currently alive only because Varys wants her to be, [[Just As Planned|as she's a terrible queen who'll destabilize the realm enough for him to bring back the Targaryens]]. She was completely shaved, stripped of power in all but her royal heritage and forced to do a nude walk of penance throughout the city by the High Sparrow (ASOIAF Pope- equivalent/[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther Martin Luther] except he won the Reformation) after he uncovered her crimes. Now she's waiting for her hair to grow back and maybe thinking of revenge.
**She gets it in the show by blowing up the Great Sept of Baelor (ASOIAF [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canterbury_Cathedral Canterbury Cathedral]) with everyone she doesn't like inside it, having her cousin killed near the Wildfire, killing Tyene Sand with the same poison that Tyene used on Myrcella and forcing Ellaria to watch, then capturing the nun who was her jailer and [[Grimdark|leaving her to be tortured to death by zombie Gregor Clegane]]. She is in short [[Thanquol]] disguised as a beautiful blonde woman. Gets anticlimactically squashed by a collapsing ceiling along with Jaime during Daenerys's assault on King's Landing. (her biggest issue? Not dying sooner, for the Seven's sake!)
* Jaime Lannister, ''The Kingslayer'': Younger twin brother (by about three seconds) to Cersei Lannister and commander of the Kingsguard. He loves his sister in every sense of the word and had three children with her. Killed the last king despite his oath, and is widely hated for it, even though everyone agrees that dying was a massive improvement for Aerys. The reason for this betrayal was that Aerys had a huge stockpile of Acme Brand Magic Napalm stockpiled under the city, ready to be set off the moment a siege broke through the town walls, and Jaime's options were to let it happen or kill Aerys before the crazy fuck got ''everybody'' killed. His desire to openly love his sister and win the respect he feels he deserves eventually causes Cersei to reject him. Starts off as an arrogant douche who [[Grimdark|tried to murder Bran Stark, but accidentally crippled him instead]]; as the series progressed he became progressively more bro-tier besides the whole wants-to-fuck-his-sister thing, though he eventually begins to question even this devotion after seeing what a bitch she is when she comes to power. He genuinely loves Tyrion, so much so that he actually went off on his own to get him back after he heard Catelyn had him imprisoned in the Vale. He gets freed by Robb and goes on a journey through Westeros, loses his arm, and gets a lesson in valour and knighthood from Brienne of Tarth. He starts to question his legacy after his son Joffrey makes him Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, a position that was only made available because Joff expelled the Knight who had actually earned it. Since Joff and Cersei had filled the Kingsguard with sycophants and their own thugs, Jaime's role as the Lord Commander has left a bad taste in his mouth because he is now the leader of probably the least prestigious iteration of the Kingsguard ever. Basically, [[Sigvald|Sigvald the Magnificent]] currently in the midst of a redemption arc. In the books, he is currently being lured into a trap by Lady Stoneheart.
**In the show, he has finally told Cersei to get fucked after realizing that she has well and truly lost it, and rode north to help fight the White Walkers. He survived the Battle of Winterfell, hooked up with Brienne, and then rides south [[Derp|because he just can't let Cersei go.]] Winds up getting shanked by Euron Greyjoy and dies [[Fail|via collapsing ceiling]].
* Tyrion Lannister, ''Halfman'': a very intelligent dwarf who is awesome, but hated by everyone, either because of his deformity, or because he's a Lannister. The few people who treat him well is an uncle that went missing, his brother Jaime, Jon Snow who learned a lot from him, and Varys, who at first saw him as an asset, but grew to admire his political abilities and intellect, even declaring him a friend. He seems to do much better when getting drunk with whores, rogues, bastards and barbarians. His silver tongue is one of his greatest strengths (he's witty and good at persuading people) and weaknesses (he's quick with insults and the truth in a city ruled by sociopaths and liars). Tyrion is also one of the only characters with an actual sense of the bigger picture, and an interest toward steering the world toward an outcome that ''doesn't'' involve a [[The End Times|Warhammer End Times]] scenario. **Unfortunately, the world's movers, shakers, and those who generally have the power to make a difference are increasingly either a) dead, b) scattered to the winds or c) hate his dwarf guts. Despite the increasing difficulty and fruitlessness of his task, however, [[Awesome|Tyrion still fights]]. After being framed for killing Joffrey, he killed his own father and fled Westeros. In the books, he is currently in exile in the Free Cities, weaselling his way into leading a merc band and trying to sign them up with Daenerys' forces, recognizing her as one of the few chances Westeros has got of fixing its shit (provided she can get her own shit together, which she's having a bit of trouble with).
**Since characters in this series tend to either be walking tropes, rip-offs of other fantasy characters, or historical people with different names, Tyrion is probably based on the great [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miles_Vorkosigan Miles Vorkosigan] (who was himself based on a few people including Sir Winston Churchill) and is a nod to King Richard III (a deformed but competent king later demonized by historiographers of his era). Even if he is usually the smartest one in the room at any given time, though, Tyrion is still not above having some derp moments. Exhibit A, when Tyrion asked his father what happened to his first wife (right before killing him), he took an ''obvious'' "I don't know and I don't care" response ("Wherever whores go") as if it was literal directions, and afterward keeps asking random people if they know where whores go, with predictable reactions. (Admittedly he'd just killed his ex and was probably in the middle of some serious PTSD at the time, which is not great for your brain.) The show version eventually meets Daenerys and becomes her Hand only to [[Fail|fuck up a bunch of stuff]] and lose her trust. He sells her out when he realizes that she's gone round the bend and winds up becoming Hand to King Bran.
* Kevan Lannister: Tywin's younger brother, considered "the reliable one". One of the few decent Lannisters, though saying that he is perfectly happy carrying out Tywin's bidding. Tried to talk sense into Cersei and was later called in to try and fix her mess. He did such a good job of it that Varys decided to personally thank him. With a crossbow. And a group of knife-wielding children. In the show he dies with the rest of the crowd when the Great Sept got nuked by Cersei - the manner of his book death was given over to Grand Maester Pycelle at the exact same time.
* Lancel Lannister: Kevan's son, Tywin's nephew and Tyrion, Jamie and Cersei's cousin. A callow, spoilt but well-meaning nobleman. Pretty much Joffery but mentally stable, not sadistic and capable of compassion and honor. Enters a sexual relationship with his cousin Cersei when Jamie is captured, which Tyrion uncovers and uses to blackmail Lancel into spying for him. He later has a religious experience after nearly dying and joins the Poor Fellows of the Faith of the Seven, gives up his incestuous relationship and tries to convert several of his family members (somewhat successfully with Kevan, unsuccessfully with Cersei). Still alive in the books.
**In the show, he reports Cersei to the High Sparrow (rather than the High Sparrow cleverly uncovering Cersei's plan and trapping her) and dies horribly. Cersei deliberately set him up for a particularly agonizing and drawn-out end; he's lured into a catacomb under the sept that contains a massive cache of wildfire, gets his spinal cord severed so he can't walk, and is left where he can see candles sitting in a pool of wildfire just a little too far away for him to reach it in time, so that he [[Grimdark|spends his last moments vainly trying to avert a horrible catastrophe before being incinerated]].
* Cersei and Robert's (actually Jaime's) children:
** Joffrey Baratheon: Spoiled brat and sociopath to the extreme. He's basically [[Sigvald]] during his teenage years (and likely inspired [[Phil Kelly|Kelly]] to make the character Sigvald). "Heir" of the throne, and the technical king of Westeros during the War of the Five Kings since he lives in King's Landing and sits on the throne. Turned out to be worse than Aerys. He died and there was much rejoicing. [[Fail|Except by his mother, who instead had sex on his corpse]]. Fourteen years old at the time of his death.
** Tommen Baratheon: The new king on the Iron Throne. Nine years old. Married to a teenaged shotacon wife who's (unknown to him) the granddaughter of his brother's true killer. Trying to litigate the criminalization of beets. Loves [[Cats|kittens]]. He's pretty well-rounded and non-fucked up, which is a miracle considering his parents, both putative and biological. Also seems to be trying to take kinging seriously, but his mom is trying to quash that in her subliminal attempt to hold power indefinitely, so whether it holds is another matter entirely. Prophesied to die before Cersei, which is doubly tragic due to his age and being a much better person than her.
**In the show, he commits suicide after Cersei blows up the Great Sept (head office of the fantasy knockoff Church of England), killing his godfather, great-uncle, wife, and all his religious friends, because of course her power hunger was more important than his happiness and well being.
** Myrcella Baratheon: Princess, and Cersei and "Robert's" second oldest child. Ten years old. In order to appease the Martells, Tyrion arranges a marriage with her and the youngest Martell, which pissed off everyone. In the books, she had her face fucked up because of Arianne Martell's amateur intrigues, which overlapped with poor planning, general stupidity, and another guy's backstabbing. Before the maiming, she was quite decent and non-evil. Who knows how she'll turn out now with half of her face cut off. Also prophesied to die before Cersei.
**In the show, she had a crush on Oberyn's surviving nephew but was killed by Elia in revenge for Oberyn's death, but alive in the books though missing an ear. Also, the readership all got on George's balls for maiming this girl, mostly because it was a sign that he had run out of ideas and was basically just milking Diabolus ex Machina ([[Just As Planned|or that's what he wants us to think]]).
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===House Baratheon===

''"Ours is the Fury"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Ascended to the Iron Throne after a successful rebellion against the Mad King Aerys II Targaryen. Produces no less than three claimants to the succession, each one very different from the other. Technically a cadet branch of House Targaryen as their founder Orys was allegedly a Targaryen bastard, who took the original Storm Kings (House Durrandon) deer sigil after killing the last one and fucking his only child Argella and then 200 odd years later, King Egg's daughter married their grandfather. They're pretty much the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Plantagenet House of Plantagenet].
* Robert Baratheon, ''The Usurper'': Fat, old, former badass who led the rebellion, and now the king who married Cersei Lannister. Then he fucked a bunch of other women and had lots of illegitimate kids. He was killed while mixing boar hunting and drinking, but whether this death was planned or not is uncertain. On the surface, a king with a thing for easy laughs and partying; right underneath the surface, he's irresponsible and leaves the actual ruling of a nation to his staff, deeper under the surface he's pretty much a sad, lonely old bro who would rather not have been king. Comparable to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_IV_of_England Henry IV], in that both were powerfully built military geniuses who overthrew the existing monarchy and later succumbed to an unhealthy lifestyle.
* Stannis '''The Mannis''' Baratheon: Robert's younger brother, an all-around badass who swings between [[Lawful Stupid]] (more so in the show than the books) and [[gets shit done|getting shit done]]. [[Judge Dredd|believes so strongly in the rule of law]] that he feels compelled to take the Iron Throne for himself despite wanting nothing to do with it. Is advised by a priestess of the God of light, Melisandre, and a lowborn smuggler named Davos Seaworth raised to knighthood and nobility. [[C.S Goto|His character is ruined in the show into an incompetent pawn of Melisandre and gets killed off just because one of the showrunners didn't like him]].
** Shireen Baratheon: Stannis's kid daughter. The sweet, charming, and intelligent little lady who was left with a deformity on her face from a disease called greyscale. Teaches Davos how to read, and is probably the most innocent person in the series alongside Tommen, Myrcella and a few others. Being the grim and dark universe A Song of Ice and Fire is, however, this means that she's likely going to end up becoming fuel for a vicious fire god. In the show she does, but in the books, she is safe and sound since Stannis isn't stupid enough to bring him with her while campaigning. His wife, on the other hand, being such an idiotic fanatical pyromaniac... well, her odds aren't exactly looking that great.
* Renly Baratheon, ''That Gay Guy'': Robert and Stannis's youngest brother. Took Loras Tyrell (a.k.a. Knight of Flowers, Pretty Boy, etc.) as his lover. Decided he was better suited to be king, though the bizarre and outdated laws of the land stated Stannis was next in line (though Joffrey and then Tommen were first since they were [[Pretend|officially]] Bobby B's legitimate kids). Was hugely popular since he had Robert's charisma, which led to him getting the most support, but he lacked Stannis's conviction and devotion to the duty of actually doing the work of a king, or even Robert's ability to wage war. Killed by Melisandre with some "help" by Stannis ''The Mannis'' for trying to steal his crown, though in the books Stannis may not have been completely aware of the role he played in Renly's death. He's basically [[That Guy]] of ASOIAF, since quite a lot of shit is his fault, indirectly or otherwise.
*Gendry Baratheon, the Bastard Son. One of Robert's many, many bastard children, and the one who gets the most page and screen time. He starts out as a humble blacksmith in King's Landing, who first comes to Ned's attention when Lord Stark is investigating the death of Jon Arryn. From there, he gets shipped off to the Night's Watch to avoid the imminent purge of Robert's bastards and winds up becoming friends with Arya and Hot Pie. After some adventuring and sexual tension with Arya (at least in the show), he joins the Brotherhood Without Banners. In the show, they sell him to Melisandre so she can use him for a blood magic ritual, while in the books he just goes on being a smith and doesn't get involved in anything particularly weird or shady. He's helping run an inn as a Brotherhood front/orphanage when he reappears in the books, but in the show, Ser Davos sets him free and tells him to fuck off, which he does for a few seasons. He eventually turns up back in King's Landing, where Davos finds him and recruits him (and his comically oversized LARPing hammer) for Team Snow. He helps Jon capture a wight to show Cersei, makes dragonglass weapons for the Army of the Living, hooks up with Arya, and fights in the Battle of Winterfell, after which Daenerys legitimizes him as the new lord of House Baratheon.</div></div>

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===House Tully===

''"Family, Duty, Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Lords of the central riverlands. Being the obligatory central nation they spend a lot of the series being fought over like a cake in between fat kids. Basically Poland/the Netherlands, given they have so many rivers and how hard they've been fucked over.
*Edmure Tully: Basically the SoIaF universe's eternal butt monkey (because he happens to be a decent fucking person). Despite being an okay guy, he's also a useless ponce with a dense streak a mile wide and a bad habit of bragging about things he shouldn't be proud of. It took hanging in a stockade for a few months to make him experience some growth. When Jaime was brought in to unfuck the situation and end the siege at Riverrun, Jaime's "negotiation" pressured him into convincing his house to surrender, but he made sure [[Troll|that Brynden got out first]]. In the books, he's currently spending his days at the Lannister house as a hostage to make sure that the Tullys don't try to ruin the situation again.
**In the show, he disappears until the final episode, [[Fail|where he tries to make a case for himself as king]] only to get shut down by Sansa.
*Lord Hoster Tully: In GoT the only act he committed of any note was to die. In the books however he is arguably, though inadvertently, the most destructive character once you've delved into his history. The man looked down upon peasants, cripples, bastards, and broken things, which influenced his daughters and primed them for their mistreatment of such through their travels (especially Catelyn's immediate suspicion of Tyrion, [[What|despite the charge and evidence making little sense, but because he's a "Monster" of course he must have done it]]). He denied Tywin's offer to marry Tyrion to Lysa for said reasons, but he also denied Lysa to marry Petyr because of his low birth and her value of being married off to a higher bidder, even if their age differed by at least 50 years and she was pregnant with Petyr's child. He responded to this pregnancy by forcefully aborting the child via drinking Moon Tea, without her knowledge (something he would have nightmares about approaching his death). Not only did this nearly cause her death, but it destroyed her reproductive system resulting in 5 miscarriages and 2 stillbirths (an event that would lead her to aggressive paranoia so fervent that she killed her husband to prevent being separated from her only living child). All of these actions unfortunately spiraled into helping cause The War of the Five Kings.
*Brynden Tully ''the Blackfish'': He didn't catch the memo that he was part of the joke faction, and proceeds to spend the entire series fucking Lannister shit up and generally being a boss. Thought to be the black sheep in a family of fish (Thus "Blackfish", geddit?), but in spite of that status held true to the family, continuing to hold Riverrun for Robb in spite of the war pretty much being lost. When Edmure surrendered Riverrun, he escaped by swimming under the portcullis and escaping into the river, causing everyone to shit themselves because he's totally coming for revenge. Also widely accepted by the fans to be a closeted homosexual.
**In the HBO show, he gets killed when resisting arrest from Tully forces by order of Edmure. [[Rage|And it happens offscreen.]]</div></div>

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===House Arryn===

''"As High as Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Mountain lords turned [[NEET|neurotic shut ins]]. Goes through lords about as quickly as you would expect a castle equipped with a door that opens into empty air. Basically Switzerland/Afghanistan, seeing as how they stayed neutral in the War of Five Kings, their land is covered by nothing but mountains, and they're constantly fighting with the local tribes. They were being entertainingly screwed over by Littlefinger until his death.
*Jon Arryn: Only appears posthumously and is the catalyst for the whole plot. Used to be a foster father of sorts to Robert Baratheon and Eddard Stark. Was the Robert's Malcador the Sigilite during Robert's Rebellion. He was killed by Littlefinger via Lysa when he figured out that Robert's kids are bastards of Cersei and Jaime. His death was blamed on the Lannisters to destabilize Westeros.
*Lysa Arryn: Loli bride turned Lady of the Vale after the Lannisters forcibly retired her husband from life, at least officially. In reality, Littlefinger convinced her to poison her husband and blame the Lannisters [[Just As Planned|which pretty much started this whole clusterfuck to begin with]]. A closeted, crazy woman who spends the entire series in her castle "the Eyrie" being useless, breastfeeding her own son at age 10, obsessing over Littlefinger's cock, and [[Derp|refusing to help her sister and nephew in the war she and Littlefinger pretty much started]], which may have guaranteed their eventual horrific murders by their enemies. Finally gets her comeuppance when Littlefinger kicks her out the moon door (post-taunting, of course), putting her out of our collective misery. Long live the Lord Protector.
* Robert Arryn: ''Littlefuck'', Lysa's equally mentally unstable autistic son, who still sucks on his mom's tit and enjoys seeing people "fly" out the moon door to their deaths. He actually seems to be a bit smarter than you would first think and is a really, really good judge of character, except with Sansa. Secretly being poisoned by Littlefinger and Sansa so she can take over the Vale and North. Named Robin in the show because the showrunners were afraid that having two characters with the same name would be too confusing. The show version doesn't get poisoned but turns up in the series finale as the Lord of the Vale.</div></div>

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===House Greyjoy===

''"We Do Not Sow"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Awesome|A house founded by Cthulhu-worshipping Norscans]]. While not actual Vikings in any sense of the word, there is little other way to describe them. They live on some islands off the coast of Westeros and almost their entire culture is based around raiding and the ocean. Their religion holds it shameful for a man to pay for personal possessions, and states they have to get things either by trade, washing up from the ocean or the "Iron Price": seizing something from the body or belongings of someone he defeated in battle rather than paying or trading for it. Also, only possessions acquired via the Iron Price command respect among the Ironborn. The nastiest form this takes is stealing women as "Salt Wives", [[Emperor's Children|effectively making them a society of rapists]]. As an interesting bit of trivia, their local variety of baptism is to be ritually drowned in seawater and resuscitated by their priests, and they don't see drowning as a bad way to go on the grounds that it means their god/gods have accepted them and they'll go to an underwater Heaven that's basically a more X-rated version of The Little Mermaid.
*Balon Greyjoy: Asshole dad, crappy ruler, and general shithead (all very common things in this world, but still) who rebelled against Robert Baratheon and failed miserably. All of his sons were killed, except for Theon, who was taken as a hostage to ensure his good behaviour. Despite being in a position to join either the Lannisters or the Starks during the War of Five Kings and thereby get whatever he wanted from either (independence and the North, or independence and Casterly Rock, respectively), he does the absolute stupidest thing possible and declares himself independent without support from anyone, attacking the North and the rest of Westeros, thereby virtually guaranteeing that he'll be on the receiving end of another one-sided battle once everyone else has sorted their shit out. In the book he at least tried to make one alliance but it was with the freaking Lannisters and not the other Kingdom seeking independence. Never got that far, though, since he was pushed off a bridge during a storm by an assassin his brother Euron sent.
*Victarion Greyjoy: Admiral of the Iron Fleet. [[Gets shit done]] while wearing [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Lokhir Fellheart's]] armour during boarding actions. Does it for vengeance, the lulz and as a ticket to Ironborn heaven (which they believe men can reach if they die in battle or by drowning). Worships both R'hllor and the Drowned God. For all his badassery, is far too stupid to realize that his black Red Priest sidekick's constant rambling about his "great destiny" is inevitably going to end in his burning to death on a sacrificial pyre. Said Red Priest impressed Victarion by surviving being marooned at sea for 3 weeks and turning Victarion's infected arm into a super-strong volcano arm. Seriously. Isn't in the show, which is lame.
*Aeron Greyjoy ''Damphair'': [[Kostaltyn|A priestly Alan Moore who drank seawater]]. Once a fun-loving party animal, he nearly drowned during the Greyjoy Rebellion and became a dour and devout priest of the Ironborn [[Cthulhu]] religion. Confirmed to have been raped by Euron when they were kids. Planned to overthrow Euron, who bribed and manipulated his way into becoming king of the Ironborn. As of the excerpts from the sixth book, he [[Grimdark|Was captured by Euron and tortured to try and make him renounce his faith, including feeding him spoiled food, drugging him and burning him. Later Euron tied Aeron, naked, to the prow of Euron's ship alongside Euron's tortured, pregnant former lover because she showed Aeron kindness by once giving him proper food]]. He tried to console her by saying their suffering will end in underwater Valhalla, [[Awesome|showing Euron failed to make him deny his faith]]. Also left out of the show.
*Theon Greyjoy: Son of the Lord/King of the Iron Islands. Had the personality of a stereotypical high school jock, being an excellent archer and womanizer and proud of it. He was given to Ned Stark by his father after Balon failed to successfully rebel against Robert Baratheon. Swore an oath to Robb, but then ditched him out of a desperate need to please his father. Ends up castrated and acts as the personal slave of Ramsay Bolton after Ramsay puts him through horrific torture to turn him into Reek. Rescued by his sister, but the psychological trauma meant it took a while before he could stop calling himself Reek and start getting back to normal mentally (physically he's now missing a few parts that don't heal or grow back). He's just been reunited with his sister in the books, but is dead in the show, thanks to charging the Night King by himself while protecting Bran.
* Asha Greyjoy: Theon's older sister and a commander of some renown which is quite a feat - almost every man on the Iron Islands except her father either tried to get in her pants or told her to [[-4 STR|stop playing around and go do some actual women's work]], before she kicked enough ass that they respected her. Rescues Theon after he escapes Ramsay but then loses him to Stannis. Is named Yara in the show because the showrunners thought her name sounded too similar to Osha the wildling chick and is also apparently [[PROMOTIONS|bisexual]]. Eventually becomes Lady of the Iron Islands in the show because she's the last Greyjoy standing. Is more or less the only Ironborn who isn't a complete asshole.
*Euron Greyjoy ''Crow's Eye'': A [[Chaos Warrior|sick fuck Lovecraftian pirate armed with unnatural sorcerous powers]] and so evil that Balon banished him from the Iron Islands. Every member of his crew is a mute because Euron ripped all their tongues out. Many of them are also the illegitimate sons [[Beastmen|of women he's raped around the world during his raids]]. Uses an eyepatch to conceal a pitch-black eye, his personal "obviously a villain" mark. Raped his brother Victarion's wife, then claimed she wanted it so Victarion had to kill her. Raped his younger brother Aeron. Also showed back up in the Iron Islands the day after Balon died, despite having been raping and pillaging in Essos before that, which is suspicious as fuck. Now the new Iron King. Plans to conquer Westeros and has some unknown plan to deal with Daenerys. Revealed in the book ''Winds of Winter'' to be [[Erebus|one of the sickest fucks in an entire setting of sick fucks (and that's saying something)]], including having a god complex while hating religion so much he [[Grimdark|tortures any clergymen he captures to try and make them give up their faiths using ironic tortures themed around their religions - such as preachers have their tongues cut out and burning priests of the fire god to death]]. Euron tried and failed to break his priest brother Aeron's faith so he lashed Aeron to the front of his ship to die [[Grimdark|alongside Euron's own pregnant lover Falia]], in what could be preparations for the [[Betrayal at Calth|ruinstorm]].
**In the show he's just a psycho pirate turned king without any magic powers or gear [[FAIL|who wants to bang Cersei. Jaime kills him in the second-to-last episode in one of the dumbest moments in an already terrible episode.]]
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===House Tyrell===

''"Growing Strong"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Lords of Highgarden and the Reach, backstabbers par-excellence, and owners of a lot of fertile land: of the Seven Kingdoms, the Reach is the "biggest," having the most people, the largest army, and a stable, if not agrarian economy; yes, the Westerlands is richer, yes, the Stormlands have/had the strongest military, and yes, the Vale is the most honor-and-chivalry obsessed, but the Reach and the Tyrells are the only ones who can compete with all three at once. Unlike the current lot of Lannisters they understand the value of good PR, balancing ruthlessness with being somewhat amicable, political savvy and not being stuck-up on honour (which they still have more of than the Lannisters do). They're a bit analogous to France. In the books, it's the Tyrells and their support that keeps the throne aloft post-Robert, first aiding Joffrey, then Tommen. They were "shrewd" enough to stay out of Robert's Rebellion and outside of his court while Tywin was in charge, so their lands are basically untouched by war: the Reach's cities are also the most beautiful, with Highgarden and Oldtown being notable for not smelling like shit and full of garbage. [[Fail|Unfortunately, they've all been wiped out in the show]].

*Mace "The Ace" Tyrell: Lord of Highgarden. Massively fat and overweight, while being stupid, overreaching and constantly mocked by everyone else, he's otherwise known as a friendly man, a good Lord when it comes to management and a good father; in the books, The Throne uses him to print gold and alleviate hunger during the War of the Five Kings, so they give him and his family a bunch of positions to keep them invested. Unfortunately, this isn't enough to save a man in the Game of Thrones. Gets killed with the rest of the noble houses when Cersei blows up the Great Sept of Baelor.
*Olenna Tyrell: The brains behind House Tyrell's schemes. Known as the ''Queen of Thorns'' for being an outspoken, prickly and venomous old lady. Schemed with Littlefinger to have Joffrey killed, but she carried it out with compressed powder "gems" hidden in Sansa's hairnet that poisoned his wine. She is to the Tyrells as Tywin is to the Lannisters, except her daughter isn't a narcissistic sociopath.
**Alive and well in the books (so far), where she's pretty much the same as the show. She has taken Margaery as her successor, which is why she made sure she'd be engaged to Tommen and had Joffrey offed.
**Became a fan-favorite for constantly dropping awesome one-liners and calling out smug and/or unpopular characters like Littlefinger and the Sand Snakes. [[Fail|Killed off in the show]] as Jaime gives her the option of drinking painless poison or whatever Cersei wanted to do to her after beseiging Highgarden. Olenna took the poison, and before she died [[Awesome|revealed to Jaime that she was the one who killed Joffrey and told him to make sure Cersei knows it]].
*Willas Tyrell: Mace Tyrell's eldest son and heir, crippled at a very young age when jousting against Oberyn Martell. Surprisingly, he and Oberyn are still bros, even though the rest of their Houses aren't very fond of each other because of this incident. Probably one of the most pleasant and sensible characters in the books, which might explain why they never included him in the TV show. Very fond of breeding animals, especially horses.
*Garlan Tyrell ''The Gallant'': Second-born son. Badass extraordinaire considered one of the best swords in Westeros, and one of the few people kind to Tyrion. Trains for real combat (often against multiple opponents by himself) unlike Loras, who's a tourney fighter. Single-handedly wrecks many notable knights fighting for Stannis during the War of The Five Kings. And he is the only person other than Tywin to put Joffrey in his place, at his own wedding. Sadly no POV chapter yet and omitted from the TV series (Loras takes credit for his deeds).
*Loras Tyrell ''The Knight of Flowers'': The Tyrell who appears most in the TV series, since his older brothers got adapted out. Considered to be an example of the perfect knight, despite his youth. Is secretly Renly's gay lover and conspired to take the throne with him and his sister. He was elevated to the Kingsguard as part of the Lannister's appeasement of the Tyrells, but also to ensure that Margaery would be safe if it turned out they couldn't kill Joff/Tommen turned out to be a sociopath too. Last seen badly injured in the books attempting to take Stannis' castle in order to to prove his honor after the Faith Militant locked up his sister, but because none of Cersei's sources could visually confirm it, it's likely that the Tyrells ([[Iron warriors|it was ''their'' forces that did the sieging]], after all) fabricated a story to get their boy out of there. In the show he ends up tortured by the members of the Faith for being gay [[C.S Goto|because the showrunners retconned them to hate gay people]], [[Protectorate of Menoth|later joins their ranks of questionable willingness]], then dies when Cersei blows up the Sept of Baelor.
*Margaery Tyrell: The would-be Queen of Westeros, she has married, in order, Renly Baratheon (gay), Joffrey Baratheon (evil), and Tommen Baratheon (8 years old) and has been crowned as queen three times. While she is nice, like Disney Princess-in-a-grimdark-setting-nice, she is still her grandmother's protege , and so is the source of Cersei's paranoia (which is kinda valid as the Tyrells did off Joffrey so that the more-controllable and non-sociopathic Tommen could marry Margy). Cersei was so paranoid about Marge's ascension that she decided to legitimize the Sparrows and allow them to reform the [[Age of Apostasy|Faith Militant]], all because she was afraid Tommen would listen to Margaery more than her.
**In the show, she marries and uses sex to control Tommen, because the show needed to hit its titty quota and because Tommen is a teenager in the show. Was arrested by the resident Chamber Militant The Sparrow and asked for a trial by faith in the books. In the show, this also happens but she tries to be pious in an attempt to save herself but ended up getting killed when Cersei blew up the Sept of Baelor.
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===House Martell===

''"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"''
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[[Tallarn|Desert dwelling survivalists]] who [[Dune|pride themselves on having never been conquered]] by the Targaryen dynasty (though they later married in). Moorish Spaniards, kinda. Their entire thing is that they're nothing like the rest of the Seven Kingdoms: they're descended from the Rhoynar, a group of people that used to live along one of Essos' longest rivers who practice absolute cognatic (the oldest child, regardless of gender, inherits the throne) succession and take a very liberal attitude towards sex. House Martell also has a rocky relationship with the rest of the kingdom: The Baratheons don't trust them because they were all Targaryen loyalists, the Reach doesn't like them because of historic wars between the two, and House Martell has never forgiven House Lannister for Clegane's rape and murder of Elia Martell, Rhaegar's first wife and mother of his children.
[[C.S Goto|Their story arc was completely ruined in the show, as Elia and Oberyn's daughters kill Oberyn's brother and nephew for taking too long to avenge him before being captured and killed themselves by Euron and Cersei]].
*Doran Martell: Lord of Sunspear and of royal descent. Still mad at the Lannisters about that whole "murdered-my-sister-and-infant-niece thing". Playing the longest of long games with Varys, which blew up in his face because he told ''no one in his family'' about his schemes (well, maybe Oberyn, but Oberyn is dead).
**[[What|Killed off in the show by Ellaria as part of her plan to avenge Oberyn]]. Even his actor was upset.
*Arianne Martell: One of GRRM's characters who seems to exists solely to fuck everything up at the worst conceivable moment. Still hot as Dornish girls come. See, she is technically the heir of Dorne, being the ''first-born'' daughter, and yet was shut out of most of her father's meetings and plans, which caused her to get upset because even Oberyn treats all of his bastards better than her dad treats her. After Doran ''seemingly'' accepts his own brother's death without any sort of fuss, she decides that her father is weak and plans to start ''another'' front in the War of Five Kings by putting Myrcella up on the throne. However, one of her dad's spies gives them up, and in a huge clusterfuck, Myrcella gets maimed by one of the pro-war knights. She is then taken to her father, who finally spills the beans on his grand scheme: the reason why she was sidelined by her father was because he had secretly betrothed her to her Viserys, but now that Viserys is dead, plans to see if he can broker an alliance with "Aegon," Rhaegar and Elia's son who "supposedly" was secreted away and replaced with doubles.
*Oberyn Martell ''The Viper of Dorne'': Doran Martell's brother, a bisexual swinger, former mercenary, and a drunkard (and also Inigo Montoya in Dark Fantasy). His girlfriend is a spectacularly beautiful bastard named Ellaria Sand and he has many illegitimate children, mostly daughters, collectively called "The Sand Snakes". Crippled the Tyrell heir in a joust, causing a rift between the two houses; despite this, he's actually best mates with the aforementioned heir, due to Willas Tyrell being straight up the nicest and most balanced man in the series and Oberyn being a very decent person. Known for poisoning his weapons, as well as his battle-cry. Died from a mutual kill, with Gregor Clegane crushing his skull in rather graphically, but Oberyn getting the last laugh, since he got Clegane with a horribly painful and slow-acting venom which stretched his death over days or even weeks, during which time he was ruthlessly experimented upon by a mad scientist, meaning he avenged his sister Elia who Gregor had raped and murdered. [[Sanguinius|So to sum it up, he's a spear-wielding badass whose death in battle against a major villain was deeply traumatizing for all in-universe and out]].

*Quentyn Martell: Didn't realize he was in Dark Low Fantasy and thought he was in High Fantasy, poor bastard. A member of House Martell, sent to marry Daenerys to secure an alliance between the families since the original marriage plan to hook Arianne up with Viserys won't work with Viserys dead. Leaves Westeros and goes all the way to the city of Meereen to marry her, but he's too late, as she marries the Meereenese noble Hizdahr, and like Jorah he's not her type (Dany likes her bad boys). Tries to tame two of her dragons to impress her; the attempt goes wrong, he gets horribly burnt and gradually dies in agony from his wounds.
*The Sand Snakes: Oberyn's children. All daughters he had with various women throughout his travels (all consensual encounters, mind you, which actually says a lot about Westeros that it has to be said). Mixed race and all hot with various skills including combat training and mastery of poisons. Working with Doran and Ellaria in the books.
**[[C.S Goto|Ruined in the show where they don't accomplish anything, are given atrocious dialogue (the "you need the bad pussy" line comes to mind), aren't great fighters and get killed by Euron's men, except for the one who poisoned Myrcella; she gets captured and poisoned back by Cersei so an imprisoned Ellaria is forced to watch her die and decompose.]]</div></div>

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===House Bolton===

''"Our Blades Are Sharp"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Starks' most important (and most despised) vassal, a former arch-rival made of [[Grimdark]] because their entire theme [[Dark Eldar|revolves around Torture]] and they're [[Night Lords|thoroughly awful, dishonorable, sadistic cowards who can be counted on to do every dirty trick possible before even trying to fight fair. Their sigil is a crucified and flayed man]], their castle is [[Commorragh|a complex of constant suffering called the Dreadfort]], and just look at their House motto...all of which shows how stupid the Starks were for thinking they could control them. Tied with Red Wedding collaborators the Freys as the most thoroughly vile house in the entire setting (no mean feat, all things considered).
*Roose Bolton, ''The 'Leech Lord'': A Lawful Evil sociopathic health nut who's called the Leech Lord because he gets leeched regularly, believing they get rid of bad blood. Second-most powerful Lord in the North with ambitions to depose the Starks. Since the Starks are mostly unable to think like crafty people and are blinded by excessive honour this doesn't prove too difficult. He gets his wish when he stabs Robb Stark in the back, at his uncle's wedding no less, and has anyone associated with Robb killed. He then makes over Winterfell in his bloody image and is currently trolling Stannis. Believes in the abolished practice of "[[Rape|Droit du seigneur]]" (a tradition that allowed a lord to have sex with subordinate women, whether they wanted to or not) and killed at least one man for trying to hide his wife from Roose (before fathering Ramsay with her via rape). Believed that he and his son could be as evil as they wanted as long as no one found out. Killed by Ramsey in the show, which Ramsay tried to cover with a lie despite the witnesses to his actions. May also be dead in the books, since the letter Jon receives from Winterfell in book five is addressed from Lord Ramsay Bolton.
*Ramsay Snow/Bolton: <s>A Dark Elf with shaved ears in the wrong universe</s>. <s>The Joker of Westeros</s>. The Chaotic Evil incarnate bastard son of Roose Bolton and a peasant woman he raped [[Grimdark|(under the hanging corpse of the woman's husband, for fuck's sake!)]]. One of the most fucked up people in all of the Seven Kingdoms (alongside the Mountain, Joffrey, the original Reek, the pedophile marauder Rorge and Euron), because he [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|loves to torture and kill people openly for the lulz]], such as Theon Greyjoy, who he crippled, knocked his teeth out, castrated, and brainwashed into calling himself Reek. Reek was originally a peasant appointed to try and control a young Ramsay, but instead Ramsay warped him into a mentally unstable necrophiliac before killing Reek to fake his death, but Ramsay seemed to hold some twisted affection for him. He also sent Theon's severed appendage to Theon's dad in a cutesy box with a letter mockingly detailing his evilness. Will torture anyone who points out his illegitimate heritage even though now he's legally recognized as a Bolton. Also has a pack of hunting dogs he names after women he hunts, rapes and kills. Married a fake Arya Stark and regularly mistreats her, including forced bestiality. Not a fun guy to be around. The only reason he's gotten away with it for so long (as pointed out by his father) is that no one is strong enough to stand up to him yet, but [[Powder Keg of Justice|when they are]] he's going to be killed (especially if his fate in the show is anything to go by).
**In the show, he killed his father with a knife, fed his stepmother and newborn half-brother to his dogs, then married Sansa Stark and deflowered her via rape. Ramsay was such a monster even Iwan Rheon, THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE GUY, hoped he'd die horribly. He got his wish: The consequences of Ramsay's actions catch up with him when Jon Snow shows up with an army capable of threatening him, and after surprise reinforcements from Littlefinger and his own fucked-up teamkilling, the Starks crush the Bolton army, forcing Ramsay to flee back to Winterfell. Despite this, the gate is smashed down, and Jon disarms him and beats him quite brutally before detaining him to await trial. Before the trial Sansa sets his dogs on him, which he had deliberately starved so they would eat Jon. Apparently they found him quite tasty. For all that Season 6 of GoT is Skub, there likely aren't many who would object to this moment.
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===House Frey===

''"We Stand Together"''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> House of weasels who are always grumpy and have a thing for overreacting to perceived slights. Wouldn't be that important except for the fact that they own the only bridge over a strategically important river, and regularly extort anyone attempting to cross it...that, and performing the Red Wedding, AKA the Magnum Opus of Grimdark that single-handedly ensures they're [[Marines Malevolent|the most hated fucks in the whole setting in-universe and out.]] Simply put, there is '''nothing''' good or nice you can say about the Freys. They're ugly inside and out, cruel, treacherous, thoroughly dishonorable, and aren't even strong warriors, being a mix of incompetent dumbasses and sadistic cowards. They'd all make excellent Skaven (especially considering they could stand to be killed by some Lizardmen).

*Walder Frey: The ancient, terrible, ornery old man in charge of the Twins. Universally detested by his peers (and the audience) for being an amoral, sociopathic opportunist, which he returns in kind for said peers "looking down on him" (can't imagine why), and will readily betray an important ally for immediate gain, or if he feels he has been slighted in some minor way, with the aforementioned Red Wedding being the most infamous example of both. His descendants are literally so numerous that no one except GRRM himself has been able to count them all, so we aren't even going to attempt it (not helped by quite a few of them being named Walder as well). Now dead in the show due to getting his throat slit by a vengeful Arya after she serves him two of his sons as meat pies. </div></div>

===Minor Houses and non-Houses===
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'''Night's Watch'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Night's Watch are an apolitical force in charge of manning The Wall, a giant ice wall that separates the relative tranquillity of the south from the Lovecraftian fucked-up-itude of the true north. They are chronically undermanned and undersupplied since nobody believes their stories of a barbarian army or the impending zombie apocalypse. Basically everybody else thinks they're in a game of [[Diplomacy]] and the Night's Watch are the only ones who realize they're actually in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]], though it's been so long since the last snow elf invasion that even they had forgotten about the undead hordes and focused too much on barbarians. Too add to their problems, they are overwhelmingly comprised of petty criminals who wanted to avoid the hangman, because "taking the black", as it's colloquially known, also brings with it a full pardon for any crime committed, even murder and treason (even rape, though rapists tend to be despised among the Night's Watch). Taking the black isn't also very popular, as a common joke in the Seven Kingdoms is that out 10 people, only would one would willfully take the black, the rest would rather get hanged. They also frequently serve as a convinient catch-all solution for Lords and nobles who fell out of favor, committed treason or were outwitted in the endless Westerosi wheel of politics; lucky for them because said Lords and Nobles are usually the only ones with any fighting experience that are part of the watch and make up their leadership. They've allied with the Wildings and the North, but in the TV show, the Night's King used the undead dragon Viserion to burn a hole through The Wall.
*Jeor Mormont, ''The Old Bear'': 997th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch at the start of the series. Sees Jon Snow as something of a second son (since his own son Jorah was exiled for enslaving and refused to take the black for his crimes). Leads a ranging north of the Wall to investigate reports that the Others have returned. Ends up killed during a mutiny of survivors after the Others wiped out most of his force.
*Alliser Thorne: Prick of a knight who was favourite to be the next Watch Commander, but was passed over by Jon Snow. Unable to accept Jon Snow letting the Wildlings live on the other side of the wall in an alliance against the zombie hordes, he staged a coup against Jon. It failed because Jon was brought back to life. He is now dead in the show, having been executed for his treason by Jon Snow. Despite of his many personal failings, he's one of the very few capable fighters (and a pretty good one, even) of the Watch and a skilled commander. Took the Black after siding with the Targaryens during the Sack of King's Landing in the civil war.
*Aemon Targaryen: Maester of the Citadel at Castle Black. Despite being the third born son of King Maekar I Targaryen, he declined the right to sit on the Iron Throne. One of the few people in the series to die of old age, at 102.
*Samwell Tarly, ''The Slayer'': Fat bookworm who was forced to take the black after his father Randyl threatened to murder him for being unmanly. Jon Snow's best friend among the Night's Watch, and knows everything because he "read it in a book". Despite being a self-professed coward, Sam became the first person in thousands of years to slay an Other with an obsidian dagger. George Martin himself said Sam's based on Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Since then, he has started improving his combat skills and balls (in more ways than one for the latter, finding his spine and losing his virginity). He abandons the Night's Watch to help fight the dead and tell Jon who he really is, and winds up becoming the new Grand Maester by the end of the show.
*Eddison Tollett, ''Dolorous Edd'': Probably the most badass member of the Night's Watch. Responds to situations by making sarcastic jokes about them, and known for being a grim motherfucker in a setting of grim motherfuckers. In the show he [[Awesome|became the new Lord Commander]] while Jon was dead, but gave the title back to Jon when he was brought back to life, and then Jon handed it right back because he needed to go sort out Ramsay Bolton. Dies in Season 8 at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Benjen Stark: The [[Dune|Duncan Idaho]] of this series, the dead guy all the other characters and all the ''readers'' love so much someone has to bring him back from the dead in later books. Benjen is Eddard Stark's youngest brother and the prime motivation why Jon wants to join the Night's Watch in the first place. Joined the Watch for reasons unknown and disappears without a trace even before Jon arrives. In the TV series, he returns as a benevolent Wight that retained his free will and helps Bran to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.
*Qhorin Half-Hand: Badass extraordinaire that killed a shitton of Wildlings in his long time of service, rumoured to have spent more time north of the Wall than anyone living southerner in the setting. Lets himself get killed by Jon in a gambit to earn Mance Rayders respect.
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'''Wildlings'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Groups of nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes who live north of the Wall. Mostly First Men by blood, they have been heading toward the Wall for the past decade with the reputed reemergence of the Others. Nomadic, aggressive, and very much believing in "might makes right", they do not get along with anyone south of The Wall since they view them as "Kneeling weaklings". Basically every Celtic/Scandinavian/barbarian stereotype combined.
*Mance Rayder, ''The King Beyond The Wall'': A Wildling orphan who was taken in by the Night's Watch, he became their best Ranger before he deserted to join his people. He united the Wildlings and lead them south to escape the Others. Also a trained bard, but that was not enough to save him from death in the show while he's merely MIA in the books.
*Tormund Giantsbane: Claims to have a ten-inch penis, and invites his enemies to use their mouths if they want to clean it. Cool as fuck old guy who [[Furry|fucks mother-bears]] in his free time. Tough as nails motherfucker who preaches the merits of using one's cock for everything. He teams up with Jon Snow for the fight against the White Walkers, then fucks off back to the north once the Night King is dead, making him one of the most sensible people on the show. He and Jon go off to be bros at the end of the show.
*Ygritte: Wildling woman who Jon Snow ends up falling for and who returns his affections. Has red hair which is considered lucky among the Wildlings. This being ''A Song of Ice and Fire'', she ends up dying because her worldview is not compatible with Jon's.
*Craster: A sick bastard, formerly a member of the Night's Watch turned polygamous isolationist. By the way, [[Grimdark|his current wives are his many daughters and granddaughters who he fucks regularly to have more children. Girls grow up to become more wives, boys get sacrificed to the Others]]. This keeps the Others at bay - and is implied to be a way the Others reproduce themselves, and that sanctuary is why the Night's Watch barely tolerates him. Fortunately, he's been killed off in the story and his offspring go their separate ways.
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'''Commoners, Knights, and Petty Lords'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Basically any character not associated with any of the Great Houses.
* Varys, ''The Spider'': The eunuch spymaster of Westeros. You can't take a shit in the Seven Kingdoms without Varys finding out where, when, and how watery or dry it was. He does this through paid informants and his "little birds", a spy network of children who sneak through the castle's passageways and air flues to eavesdrop on everyone. Somewhat of a paradoxical character, since his literal dicklessness, reputation and political power make every character extremely vary of him (it's more or less implied that the main thing keeping him in the small council is the fact that he has got enough shit on everyone to blackmail them into submission if they would dare step out of his line) but under the surface, he is the rare example of people in Westeros that isn't an entirely self-serving scumbag and seems to show genuine care and concern for the common folk [[Just as planned|(Even if his machinations frequently put commonors in peril, but hey, such is politics)]]. To that end, he manipulated events that, according to his plan, would end with a Targaryen on the throne, to permanently stabilize the realm and rid it of the aformentioned self-serving idiots. On a sidenote, he's one of the few, if not the only person to fully comprehend how dangerous Littlefinger actually is. In the books, he's currently trying to install an adolescent Targaryen on the Iron Throne (who probably isn't even one, but he got the looks) Dead in the show, having decided to try and put Jon on the throne instead of Daenerys; Jon says no, Tyrion sells him out when he realizes Jon absolutely means it, and Dany has Drogon barbecue him.
* Petyr Baelish, ''Littlefinger'': The Master of Coin (the ASOIAF equivalent of a treasurer) and the closest person the Game of Thrones world has to a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Tzeentch]], up to even declaring "[[Chaos]] is a Ladder". A dangerous manipulator who manages to trick and steal his way to positions of lordship and wealth because no one takes him seriously, and stabs all the Lannisters in the back when they become inconvenient. As a child, he wanted Catelyn Stark and was tricked into thinking she wanted him when her sister Lysa fucked him while he was drunk. Challenged Catelyn's betrothed Brandon Stark, Ned's older brother who was murdered by Aerys, for her hand in marriage and got his ass kicked because he was a small skinny boy and Brandon Stark was a big strapping man, making that his start of darkness. The guy responsible, directly or indirectly, for the War of the Five Kings because he was the mastermind behind poisoning Jon Arryn, the capture and execution of Ned Stark, feeding several half-truths to Catelyn to motivate her to arrest Tyrion, and eventually Joffrey's death by having Dontos and Olenna Tyrell carry out the plan to kill Joffrey and letting Tyrion take the fall; but no one in the story knows this, not even Varys. People think he can pull gold out of thin air, but he's really been buying debt while letting Robert Baratheon's extravagances and Joffrey and Cersei's dipshittery pull the country into a serious debt of its own. So he's pledged himself to [[Chaos]] and destroying Westeros all because he couldn't have Catelyn as his girlfriend, though he changed his focus to her daughter Sansa now, making him a pedophile. Hasn't yet got his comeuppance in the books, but is currently dead in the show after he was out-gambitted by Sansa and killed by Arya (though the less said about how well executed this was, the better). According to GRRM, he's based on the title character from the Great Gatsby, even though he only really resembles the character when putting on an act. [[Erebus|Basically has the role of a treacherous figure who gives bad advice on purpose and is responsible for the series of events that lead to a massive, devastating war with horrible consequences, making him one of the vilest folks in the 'verse]].
*Gregor Clegane, ''The Mountain'': A 7' 8" 400 pound mass of testosterone, muscles, steroid overdose, [[Slaanesh|utter disregard for consent]], [[Khorne|and murderous RAGE]], Gregor is Tywin Lannister's top muscle. Killed his own father and sister and permanently scarred his brother. [[Beastmen|Hobbies include rape, arson, murder, and random torture]]; he's also been married a few times but not now with the implication he kept killing his wives. He played an important part in destroying the Targaryens by killing a couple of Rhaegar's kids in rather brutal fashion, then raping and murdering his wife. Spends a few novels doing Tywin's dirty work before a Trial by Champion leads to him dying after being poisoned by Oberyn Martell. Qyburn later resurrected him as... something... called "Ser Robert Strong", and is now even stronger, less prone to psychotic rages, and is completely obedient. He's based on accounts of French knight Gilles de Rais and maybe also the scriptural giant Goliath. In the show he goes on to torture Cersei's nun jailer to death in a brutal and unspecified fashion kills Qyburn during the Siege of King's Landing and then nearly kills his little brother, only for Sandor to tackle him through a collapsing wall and into a gigantic inferno that claims both. [[Honsou|Standing out as one of ''the'' evilest pieces of shit in a world filled with them]], to the point that even the author himself has labeled him the worst character in the series.
* Sandor Clegane, ''The Hound'': Younger brother to Gregor Clegane, called the Hound because of his hound-face helm, his family's heraldry, and being the king's hired muscle without being a knight. He hates knights due to the hypocrisy of being a professional "noble warrior" but mostly since his monstrous brother is a knight, showing it's not so much of a noble promotion. Terrified of fire after Gregor put his head against a brazier for playing with one of Gregor's old toys when they were children, burning half his face, but he's still the second-strongest person in Westeros. A brutal anti-hero with a soft spot for Sansa, but a better person than his brother. After falling sick from Biter's nasty teeth, he ends up being a silent monk burying people in the Silent Isles. In the show, he joins the Brotherhood without Banners and goes north to help fuck up the White Walkers. As of Season 8, he's survived the Battle of Winterfell and is riding south with Arya to put the boots to Gregor. Dies killing his now undead brother in a pretty epic fight amidst the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep.
*Grand Maester Pycelle: A shrewd, dangerous man putting on a "harmless old man act" and a high ranking scholar from the science/medical guild the Maesters. The longest-serving member of the King's advisory staff, and is actually Tywin Lannister's biggest lackey. He convinced the Mad King to let Tywin in as Baratheon's armies were marching on the capital, where Tywin proceeded to sack the city and claim it for Robert. Gets his head bashed in by Varys in the books and murdered by Qyburn in the show.
* Qyburn: Formerly a maester, who was kicked out of the order for unethical experiments on the living (taking people and performing vivisections to be precise). Introduced as a part of a mercenary company serving Roose Bolton, which should be a red flag. He moves up in the world when he's sent to escort Brienne and Jaime back to King's Landing and ends with Cersei employing him to replace Pycelle as "science advisor" and eventually Varys's Spymaster. Serves Cersei loyally as long as she lets him indulge his sick experiments, serving as a black magic variety of the court mage. He has resurrected Gregor Clegane as... something. [[Fabius Bile]] if he traded his robot limbs, eugenics and power armour for necromancy. He overestimated his hold on Gregor and got his head caved in for it as of the second-to-last episode of the show.
*Barristan Selmy, ''The Bold'': Knight of the Kingsguard. Which Kingsguard? Take your pick. He's served pretty much every king since Aerys and understandably feels pretty bad about it. Another sad old man who pretty much just wants to die until he decides to go pledge his services to Daenerys. Even in his old age, he is considered one of the most dangerous men in Westeros. [[Fail|Dead in the show]] (to be fair they gave him a huge last stand), but [[Awesome|alive]] and [[Roboute Guilliman|appointed himself Daenerys' steward in her absence to try and fix Meereen's situation in the books]].
*Melisandre, ''The Red Witch'': A priestess of R'hllor, the god of fire. Proclaimed Stannis to be the messiah-king and is doing everything in her power to make sure he wins (considerable given that she can scry, make shadow baby assassins and set things on fire with her mind). She'd be pretty bro-tier if her god wasn't so vicious. As it stands she's kind of in the grey (in the books, the show seems to zig-zag on her being evil 'cos the showrunners seem to hate religion). Most of the people she set on fire deserved it, and she hasn't ''succeeded'' in killing any babies yet. Show version now dead from suicide via rapid ageing after ensuring the Living defeat the Dead.
*Jorah Mormont: A knight and son of Jeor Mormont, exiled for trying to sell poachers into slavery and eventually joining the exiles of House Targaryen. He is offered a pardon in exchange for spying on the Targaryens but ultimately decides to stay with them after falling in love with Daenerys. Unfortunately, he gets friend-zoned hard. Despite saving her life from an assassin while she was pregnant, she still votes him off the Khalassar after learning he was a spy. He still loves her and follows her in secret, though. In the show, he goes on a quest to prove himself to her and contracts the dangerous disease Greyscale (it's like the unholy lovechild of smallpox and leprosy), but he gets cured and is now back at her side. He dies protecting her at the Battle of Winterfell.
*[[This Guy|Davos Seaworth]], ''The Onion Knight'': A former smuggler and bannerman to House Baratheon, and a top-tier hype man, pulling speeches out on the spot on several occasions to convince people to support Stannis and later Jon. One of the most Noblebright characters in the setting, which really isn't bad for a man that only just now learned how to read. During Roberts Rebellion he ran a blockade with a cargo of contraband onions to a castle Stannis Baratheon was besieged in. In exchange for the food he had, Stannis knighted Davos, [[Rules Lawyer|but Stannis's law-worshipping mindset compelled him to remove four digits from his left hand]]. Despite this, Davos has served Stannis with unquestioning loyalty, because Stannis knighting him gave his children a future. The fact that Stannis's war for the throne has ended up killing several of his sons hasn't dented his loyalty at all. **Doesn't like Melisandre because he sees her as a user and her beliefs as brutal. He's a devout follower of the Faith of the Seven in the books and the first season of the show [[C.S Goto|but is clumsily retconned into an anti-religious atheist in later show seasons]]. In the show, he's now pledged to DA NORF and is basically Jon's Hand of the King, except he doesn't get a fancy pin. He survives the Battle of Winterfell and the Second Sack of King's Landing and becomes Master of Ships in the final episode of the show.
*Shae: A former camp follower and Tyrion Lannister's squeeze for most of the story. Fled from an abusive family and became a camp follower to earn a living. Seems to fall in love with Tyrion, but it turns out she's a gold-digging bitch. When Tyrion doesn't marry Shae she sells him out to Cersei for a better offer, then fucks Tywin when she realizes Cersei won't keep her promise. Tyrion found her in his father's bed and strangled her to death with a necklace for betraying him. The discovery of Shae's corpse in Tywin's bed - posthumously outing him as a whoremonger - upsets Cersei to the point she unpersons Shae.
*Bronn: A mercenary who acts as Tyrion's enforcer and personal killer until Cersei outbids him and he settles down with a little wife and title. Routinely kills knights by exploiting how arrogant and stupid they are even after becoming one himself. Only in it for the money, which he'll happily tell you himself. The only character other than Littlefinger to end every book in a better position than he started it. In the show, he makes the very sensible decision to sit out the fighting and wait for his promised castle (Riverrun if Cersei wins, Highgarden if Daenerys wins). He gets Highgarden and is named Lord Paramount of the Reach and Master of Coin in the final episode. Some nobles bitch about the idea of an upjumped thug receiving such high and exalted positions until he points out that their Houses were probably founded by people a lot like him.
* Brienne of Tarth, ''The Beauty'': Surprisingly badass lady knight wannabe (since no women can be knighted), legendarily unattractive but still pretty idealistic despite the shit she gets for her looks. Fate frequently gives her the shit end of the stick, because no matter how hard she tries to finish her quests, she ends up failing or stuff happens that makes it impossible. Secretly crushes on Renly and unaware he's gay. After he dies, Brienne switches her loyalty to Catelyn and helps her bring Jaime to King's Landing as Tyrion promised Sansa's return in exchange for Jaime. She later developed a crush on Jaime. Things don't go well because Jaime lost his hand and the Red Wedding happened. Next, Jaime sends her out to find and keep Sansa safe to make good on Tyrion's promise, since he isn't the complete dick everyone thinks he is. Brienne ends up getting captured by Cat, now known as Lady Stoneheart and an insane undead, who was going to hang Brienne for working with Jaime. Brienne was spared at the last moment to capture/manipulate Jaime.
**In the show, she's now sworn to House Stark and gets knighted by Jaime just before the Battle of Winterfell and then she and Jaime hook up afterwards, only for him to take off and break her heart, because remember kids, he'd rather fuck his sister than fuck an ugly chick. She is now Lady Commander of the Kingsguard as of the final episode.
* Lyanna Mormont: A badass ten-year-old girl who inherits [[Kislev|Bear Island]] after her mother and older sister die horribly in the Riverlands - at least if we are going by the show; in the book, her mother is still alive somewhere [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|waging a Guerilla War]] in the Neck and her older sister Alysanne is the de-facto head of House Mormont. Her activities include pimp-slapping bitches, leading men twice as old as her, and being completely loyal to the Starks despite all their misfortunes. [[Awesome|"Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK."]] She dies killing an undead giant at the Battle of Winterfell, which is pretty badass.
* Wyman Manderly, ''Lord Too-Fat-To-Sit-A-Horse'': The Lord of White Harbour and one of the few Northerners who worship the Seven. Fervently loyal to House Stark, he pays lip-service to the Iron Throne long enough for his eldest son to return home, all to mask a plan to restore the Starks to power, mostly by destabilising the Frey-Bolton alliance, building a navy, marshalling the forces of the lands east of the White Knife river, "losing" Freys in the wilderness and sending Lord Davos Seaworth to rescue Rickon Stark from Skagos. His favourite food is lamprey, although he has also developed a taste for Frey Pie. Also a remarkably graceful dancer, and can survive taking a knife to the throat.
** Wylla Manderly: Granddaughter to the above. Another badass little girl, her activities include openly declaring undying loyalty to House Stark and dying her hair green. She and Lyanna Mormont would probably be best friends if they met. [[Awesome|"The city is built upon the land [the Starks] gave us. In return, we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!"]]
* Jon Umber, ''The Greatjon'': At first he seems to be your stereotypical, boisterous Northern Lord. However, he becomes one of Robb's most loyal supporters, being first to declare him as 'King in the North' after Ned's execution. Had his moment of awesome [[Awesome|when he killed and wounded four Freys at the Red Wedding, all the while being drunk and needing eight additional men to take him down.]]
* Beric Dondarrion, ''The Lightning Lord'': Minor lord who agreed to head an expedition to take out Gregor Clegane. This being Game of Thrones, however, his party is ambushed by the Mountain and is beaten rather badly, and he loses his life in the process. Thanks to his drunken Red Priest friend, however, he manages to come back not once, but eight times, and each time he comes back, he becomes more powerful, though at the cost of his memory. He now heads an outlaw faction of grimdark Robin Hood types called "The Brotherhood Without Banners", who are dedicated to punishing those who abuse and mistreat the smallfolk. Ironically, he's one of the few book characters to have died (permanently) in the books but remain alive in the show, except now he's dead for real as of the Battle of Winterfell.
* Thoros of Myr: Aforementioned drunken priest who is dedicated to R'hllor, though at first he doesn't really give a rat's ass about the Red God, as he prefers to party it up with wine and women, but after he 'accidentally' resurrects Beric, he becomes quite serious about his religion and vows to curb his excesses in drinking. Dies on a mission beyond the Wall to capture a wight (show-version). Bane of swordsmiths across the lands, as he likes to routinely ignite his swords with Wildfire when he gets a hold of some of the stuff, which completely destroys the blade.
* The Brave Companions: Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be a faction in this setting as fucked up as the Boltons, Freys, and Ironborn, these guys come along and prove you wrong. A bunch of "mercenaries" who are really more just complete and utter lunatics that are incapable of doing what they're paid to in any way except the bloodiest and nastiest, all with maximum [[Rape]] thrown in too (especially if Brienne of Tarth is involved, because every single fucking one of these guys wants, tries to, or threatens to rape her at some point). Led by Vargo Hoat, a goat-helmet wearing maniac who likes cutting body parts off of his victims before killing them. The rest of his band consists of a bunch of other sickos who are every bit as bad as him (except Rorge, who is even worse). To put this into perspective, the member of the group who is a pedophile priest (Septon Utt), is the ''least'' evil one, if only because he actually regrets what he does and is suggested to do what he does because of urges he can't control. The rest? Forget about it. After Vargo's gruesome death at the hands of the even worse Gregor Clegane, the surviving Brave Companions scatter, effectively dissolving the group but meaning a bunch of these assholes are still active. Cut from the TV show completely.
** Rorge: Gregor Clegane 2.0, being ''another'' big, brutish, psychotic monster who rapes people and murders children and who is a Chaotic Evil super-thug through and through (because apparently we needed another one in the setting), with the added bit of awfulness of being a child-hating pedophile. Along with Gregor Clegane, one of the absolute worst characters in the entire series (a high bar, as you've probably gathered by now). Killed by Brienne. In the TV show, he's a completely forgettable one-shot, throwaway character who gets killed by Arya before he can really do anything and doesn't come anywhere close to the awfulness of his book version.
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'''The Free Cities'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Nine city-states to the West of Essos, for the most part, the old colonies of the Valaryian Freehold. Mostly they are ruled by Merchant Princes. They look down on the Westerosi for being a bunch of up jumped backwards war-mongering morons who are only a few silverware sets and maesters away from absolute barbarism. In turn, the Westerosi look down on the Free Cities as being money-grubbing effete cowards ruled by cheesemongers who use bribery, tall walls and dirty tricks to get ahead in the world.

* Illyrio Mopatis: A rich fat bastard and a Magister of Pentos. Old buddies with Varys and a bigtime schemer.
* [[Officio Assassinorum|The Faceless Men]]: A cult of shape-shifting assassins who worship The Many-Faced God of death based in the free city of Braavos that give up personal identity. They claim descent from escaped Valyrian slaves who considered death to be a better fate than perpetual slavery. Their mission hence became being servants of the Many-Faced God of Death. You can hire them to off your rivals, but they request a steep and equivalent price. They also offer a painless, quick suicide for downtrodden and desparate people by the means of poison. Their motto is "Valar Morghulis": All Men Must Die.
* Xaro Xhoan Daxos: One of the thirteen leaders of the city of Qarth. A flamboyant, languid, bald rich man who looks after Daenerys while she stays in Qarth and gives her many gifts. He wants her dragons as much as anyone else and even tries to marry her despite his homosexual tendencies. He stops wanting the dragons later in the book series after seeing [[RIP AND TEAR|their work in Astapor]], and no longer wants her around as her anti-slavery stance is hampering his wealth, so he offers Daenerys ships to leave the area and declares war on her when she refuses. In the show, he's heterosexual, helps steal her dragons, fucks one of her handmaidens and gets locked in a vault for conspiring to have her killed. He's also black and fat in the show when he's white and lanky in the books, being Qartheen and all.
* Syrio Forel: The former First Sword of Braavos (aka the ruler's personal bodyguard) and later Arya's mentor in King's Landing. He teaches her the way of Braavosi fencing, called "Water Dancing", and sacrifices himself to save her from Lannister thugs, taking down at least six of them with a wooden sword. May have inadvertently set her on the path of becoming a badass assassin by telling her of his belief in the God of Death.

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'''The Dothraki'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Horse people who live in a country of endless grass plains referred to by others as the Dothraki sea. They only have one city, called Vaes Dothrak, which is less of a city and more of a place they all meet when important things have to be discussed. Have traits borrowed from several cultures, including Mongols and Native Americans, all filtered through European misconceptions of those cultures of course, such as the Dothraki's antipathy for heavy armour, despite the fact that the Mongols were very heavily armoured and also excelled as infantry, see the Battle of Leignitz. They fear the ocean because of its size and the fact that horses won't drink from it, calling it the "poison water".

* Khal Drogo: An Expy of <s>Genghis Khan</s> Yesukhei Baatyr (his son would have been the equivalent to Chinggis Khaan). Leads the largest Khalassar among the Dothraki. Despite being a barbarian warlord, Drogo is surprisingly intelligent and treats Daenerys well. After an assassin tries to kill her he promises to conquer Westeros for her and their unborn son and immediately starts raiding towns for slaves and ships. At one town he gets cut in a leadership challenge and Daenerys gets a captive wise woman to heal him. However, the woman hates him because his tribe destroyed her hometown, raped/slaughtered or enslaved her friends and raped her three times so she curses him to become catatonic (along with killing his unborn son), leading a devastated Daenerys to perform an arguable mercy kill by smothering him with a pillow. After she burns herself, her stillborn child and the wise woman on his funeral pyre, Daenerys survives and it brings her dragons to life. GRRM named Drogo after [[The Lord of the Rings|Frodo's father]].
* Daenerys' handmaidens.
** Doreah: Daenerys' handmaiden and a wedding gift from Illyrio. A woman from Lysene brought by her brother to teach her how to pleasure a man. In the book she dies of fever and starvation crossing a desert, in the TV show, she betrays Daenerys for [[Salamanders|Xaro's BBC]] and gets locked in a vault to starve to death.
** Irri: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches Daenerys how to ride a horse. [[PROMOTIONS|Also pleasures Daenerys twice after catching her masturbating once]], yet this canonical girl-on-girl action was left out of the show. The character was even killed off there when she survived in the books, but in this case, it was because her actress' visa had expired rather than [[C.S. Goto|author railroading]].
** Jhiqui: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches her the Dothraki language and squabbles with Irri over wanting one of Daenerys' bodyguards when he becomes a badass. Also dies in the TV show while staying alive so far in the books.

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'''Slavers Bay'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">A civilization of [[Stupid Evil]] slavers. The remains of a previous civilization that was once the big powerful empire thanks to having phalanxes of obedient, pain-resistant soldiers which Valyria conquered a long while ago because phalanxes don't do too well against motherfucking dragons. They are ruled by wealthy slave mongers who buy slaves, train them up to do specific things and generally are a bunch of stuck up, decadent, puppy-eating (literally) assholes. Basically a civilization so repugnant even most hippies will be cheering when Dany decides to conquer them.

* The Unsullied: Eunuch phalanx fighting slave soldiers trained the Spartan way to produce totally obedient infantry that never break ranks. They also don't feel pain due to drinking a special drink daily, and each one has to take a new name from the name box each day so they can't develop a sense of identity. At least until Dany "bought" the lot of them, had them sack the city which trained them, and freed them.
* Grey Worm: The Unsullied Commander and a no-nonsense badass. When given a chance to take a new name he keeps his slave name because it's the name he had when freed so he considers it lucky. He is completely loyal to Daenerys, considering her his saviour, and in the show, he falls in love with fellow freed-woman, Missandei. This being ASOIAF, however, he can only watch helplessly as his lover is beheaded in front of him by the Mountain. This drives him into a rage, and he eagerly takes part in the sacking of King's Landing in revenge for her death. After the war is over and both Daenerys and Cersei are dead, he takes the Unsullied forces to Naath, in order to fulfil his promise to Missandei that he'd protect her homeland.
* Strong Belwas: A fat but skilled eunuch gladiator. Loves liver and onions and referring to himself in the third person. Travelling companion/guide of Ser Barristan. Has an awesome scene where he beats the champion of Meereen then mocks the Meereenese by taking a shit in their direction and wiping his ass on their dead champion's cloak. Also saves Daenerys from eating poisoned sweets. [[FAIL|Left out of the show]].
* Daario Naharis: A Tyroshi mercenary captain who dyes his hair blue. Betrays his fellow commanders for Daenerys because he loves her as a queen. Fortunately for him, Daenerys loves him back and they pursue a romance for a time, though she doesn't marry him as she's still otherwise smart enough to know she has to save herself for a political marriage. Goes to Yunkai as a hostage in the war on Meereen. Also potentially a shapeshifter, if the show is to be believed.
*Missandei: A young female slave with a remarkable talent for linguistics and one of the more empathetic people in this dark world, Missandei is freed by Daenerys during her campaign to liberate Slaver's Bay, eventually becoming one of her closest confidants and advisers. While a child in the books, in the show Missandei is a grown woman, falls in love with the Unsullied leader Grey Worm, but later is captured by Cersei and beheaded by the zombified Mountain in front of all her friends, but not before telling her friends to burn the Lannisters to ashes.

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'''Maesters'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> More than Scribes, (much) less than Mentats, Maesters serve their highborn lords as intellectual muscle. Maesters serve as doctors, teachers, and scientists, and are educated at The Citadel in Oldtown. They are expected to master a variety of topics, with each topic/level of mastery grants you a chain-link forged in a different type of metal (black iron for ravenry, valyrian steel for magic), and once you hit fifteen links, you can become an ordained Maester. Because of the high costs of their education (and the fact that you need to know how to read), Maesters are often highborn, probably a non-inheriting son or bastard. It is semi-prestigious, with the nerds calling themselves "Knights of the Mind" with all seriousness (and probably with some snickering jocks in the background) but you also don't get much say where you'll be assigned (and if the castle changes hands, you go with it, but it's not unheard of for Maesters to get killed along with everyone else.

A fan theory credits the death of Dragons with the work of Maesters, because the Maesters, as men of medieval "science," have a vested interest in the decline of magic, even though they also offer a <s>bachelor's degree</s> maester's link in "higher mysteries" which they consider to be their equivalent of an english major.
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===Magic and Gods===
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> The world of ASOIAF has various religions and faiths abound, just like in real life. Similarly, they range between fucking awesome to utterly useless. Dissimilarly, some of them have very tangible, undeniable magic powers, although it is said that the magic became stronger after the rebirth of Dragons into the world, and that in the Far East, where people worship [[Lovecraft|Lovecraft references]], that magic is still alive and well, but those are all just rumors.

Blood Magic seems to be the most consistent, with practitioners paying steep prices for magic, while the druidic magic of the Children of the Forest and the Old Gods still hold strong to this day, they just don't have any practitioners left.

Magic and the Afterlife is a theme in the setting as well, most expounded by the faithful of R'hllor: fire is associated with the warmth of life, as well as light; on the other hand, death is associated with cold and darkness; death carries a harsh finality in the series, ''except when it doesn't:'' as they've shown in special cases with those resurrected by R'hllor, rebirth comes with a price, and not everyone comes back ''fully there''.

*[[Ecclesiarchy|The Faith of the Seven]]: The Catholic Church/Church of England stand-in mixed with elements of Hinduism, which gets both sympathetic and unsympathetic characters associated with it (though mostly only in the books for the former). Holds an anti-slavery stance. The god/s are considered seven aspects of one deity with three male aspects (The Smith, the Father, the Warrior), three female aspects (The Maiden, the Mother, the Crone) and a sexless one representing Death, a bit akin to how the Hindu God Vishnu has multiple aspects. The places of worship are called Septs, and their system includes Septons, nun-equivalents called Septas and a Pope equivalent called a High Septon. The High Septons all give up their names when they become one to confuse future historians (and readers).
** High Septon 1 Fatfuck: A fat, greedy man who used the position for personal gain. He ended up being [[Grimdark|torn apart in a riot]], because the people resented that he had enough food to stay fat while they were starving.
** High Septon 2 Lannister Puppet: Successor of High Septon Fatfuck. Chosen by Tyrion so the Faith would be loyal to the Lannisters. Only ''slightly'' corrupt, being a pro-Lannister yes-man. Murdered on Cersei's order in the book, while in the show he's retconned into a whoremonger who gets deposed by the Sparrows (see below).
** High Septon 3/The High Sparrow: Successor of High Septon Lannister Puppet. After the second High Septon shown in the present day of the story died, the smallfolk burst into the meeting to pick a successor and ordered their chosen candidate to be put in charge when his original successor was caught whoremongering. He'd been a wandering preacher beforehand, and his feet were dark and gnarled from lots of walking. When he reaches the position he starts [[gets shit done|getting things done]]. Since he was appointed by a smallfolk religious movement called Sparrows, he's given the moniker "The High Sparrow". The nobility underestimates him, either due to having other matters or disregard for religious people, but he turns out to be smart, well-meaning and somewhat ruthless. Under the High Sparrow, he and the other clergymen sell their fancy clothes and decorations [[Noblebright|replacing them with simple wool tunics, using the money to buy food and clothes for the poor in King's Landing]]. He also has their Knights-Templar-equivalent reformed to [[Inquisition|protect the faithful and help them root out]] [[heresy]] and sin. He also outwits Cersei and has her arrested and tried for all her evil deeds. While Cersei's scheming does lead to Margaery's arrest, Cersei confesses to some crimes while concealing others, leading to Cersei taking a nude walk of penance in front of the entire city. After this, he somewhat reined in the nobles' politicking to actually look after the commoners and the Faith, though this does make some enemies. In the show, while he still talks of helping the Smallfolk, he and the Sparrows are [[C.S Goto|flanderized]] from assorted smallfolk and clergymen tired of the nobles' lawlessness and power plays into one-dimensional stereotypes and thinly-veiled jabs at the Catholic Church [[Imperial Truth|in a shoe-horned anti-religion message]]. While they do arrest Cersei and Margaery like in the books, the High Sparrow's plans all come to nothing, as during the trial most of the Faith, including the High Sparrow himself, get blown to Kingdom Come when Cersei has her agents ignite a massive amount of magical napalm underneath the Great Sept. In the books they're much more like Martin Luther and the Lutherans, except that the Protestant Reformation wins outright.
* [[Old Ones|Old Gods]]: Native American/Japanese Kame/Druid/nature spirits that reside in places called Godswoods. The original practitioners of this faith were the Children of the Forest, non-elf looking Wood Elves, whose magics were responsible for smashing an entire Southern Warhost with tsunamis (leaving only a narrow isthmus between the North and everyone else), the Wall (it was a collaborative effort with humans), and allowing people to look into the past, and (confirmed in the show at least) influence it.
**Their powers are limited to the North, though, where the last remaining Godswoods remain, but they can grant gifted individuals awesome psychic powers like Warging (mind-controlling animals) and Greensight (Time Travel). For some reason, Martin claims they're based off the Norse Gods. Probably has to do with the way the Vikings made sacrifices to their gods, by hanging them in Ash trees, a symbol for the World Tree Yggdrasil. The Weirwood trees are sacred to the followers of the Old Gods in a similar way. Mostly worship of them is quiet and informal.
*R'hllor: The God of Fire and Light, and like the Old Gods, actually shows evidence for existing. [[/tg/ gets shit done|He gets shit done]], being one of the most common faiths East of Westeros, and his priests have powers such as fire magic and motherfucking Resurrection. Has a nasty habit for burning heretics, though. GRRM said this faith is roughly based (read: poorly modelled after) upon Zoroastrianism and Gnosticism. His nemesis is The Great Other: the god of cold and darkness, the leader of the Others, and prophesied to be defeated by the chosen one, or messianic figure: [[Star Child|Azor Ahai/The Prince That Was Promised]], a figure who is the prophesied warrior that will fight with the Great Other/Night's King during the Apocalypse. Interestingly enough, the prophecy may not refer to a single person, but three (Jon, Tyrion/Bran, and Daenerys). Supposedly, one of these three will also receive an [[Emperor's Sword|awesome flaming sword called "Lightbringer"]].
**R'hllor is very popular among the slaves and poor of the East, though Eastern nobles hate him because of that association. It's actually hard-to-tell how many "miracles" ascribed to him are actually real miracles. Stannis, absolute chad though he is, has a sword called "Lightbringer" meant to evoke the mythical one, but Aemon has [[Bullshit|noticed that it doesn't give off any heat]].
**For obvious reasons, they are ''very excited'' that there are Dragons again.
* Him of Many Faces: The god of the Dead of the religion whose followers are the [[Officio Assassinorum|Faceless Men]]. According to his cult of assassins, whom Arya joins, all gods of death are just him: since every religion has a god of death of some sort, he ''must'' be the only one that's real. Of course, your mileage may vary as to whether he's real or not, though his most awesome followers are granted shapeshifting abilities and powers to be the ultimate assassins.
* Drowned God: Cthulhu combined with Odin. Runs an underwater Valhalla were all Ironborn go whey they either if they drowned at sea, the men die a manly death or the women die in childbirth. Probably doesn't exist or he would have done something about Euron Greyjoy... at least in the books. There, Euron is [[Imperial Truth|proudly scornful]] of him, and his brother Aeron fruitlessly and endlessly mutters "no godless man can sit the Seastone Chair". In the show, Euron is perfectly happy to go through the traditional Drownie coronation ritual and Aeron performs it.
* The Night's King: This is completely different depending on whether you prefer the [[oldfag|books]] or [[newfag|show]]. Book version: A long time ago, when the Night's Watch was just barely getting set up, its Lord Commander, the thirteenth in line, decided to climb over the Wall and explore some. While in the woods to the north of the Wall, he found a beautiful [[Monstergirls|Other female]]. He fell in love with her, had [[/d/|sex with her on top of the Wall]], which somehow changed him into an albino version of [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]], and set himself up as King of the Wall, making everyone in the Watch his slaves and sacrificial fodder. Naturally, this didn't sit too well with the Starks and the Wildlings, and so they banded together to free the Watch and kick his ass, which they managed to do successfully. Now everyone thinks him as dead or a myth. Show version: he was the very first White Walker ever created by the Children, and he decided to get back at them by wiping out all life. Also, whilst he was apparently beaten in the ancient past and sealed away behind the Wall, he's still "alive" and well, [[Daemonculaba|turning infant human boys into new White Walkers]]. Also, he can apparently raise up entire legions of undead, just by raising his arms and looking completely smug about it; unlike regular Others, who can just raise up maybe a village at most. Given that he's the resident [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] of the series, it makes sense that he can take down a dragon with seemingly little effort (a simple throw of his spear), and resurrect it to be his personal steed a la Arthas. (Whether that particular nonsense is going to show up in the books is up in the air, it's suitably grimdark and not particularly [[derp]] so it might.) Then he used the dragon to blow a hole in the Wall and begin [[The End Times]] for Westeros. But [[FAIL|dead]], thanks to Arya's magic ninja haxx which let her [[what|kill the BBEG and his entire race and army of zombies ''in one blow.'']]
** The Others/The White Walkers: A mysterious race from beyond the Wall, known to [[newfag|HBO fans]] as "the White Walkers". Can be described as ice demons/snow elves with necromancy. Eight thousand years ago, they invaded Westeros during a decades-long winter (even longer than the usual years-long winters) known as "the Long Night". With an army of undead warriors, they proceeded to fuck Westeros up every which way to [[Sunday]] before the locals finally drove them out, established the Night's Watch, and built the Wall to keep them out. Like all fantasy aspects of ASOIAF, they are very cliched.
**In the TV series, it's revealed that they were created from human captives by "The Children", the pseudo-[[Elf]] fair folk race that lived in Westeros before humanity arrived, as an attempt to create a super-weapon. The idea was since humanity bred faster than the Children could keep up with, they would create icy [[lich]]-creatures that could create [[undead]] soldiers, and these would then wipe out all human life. Instead, it went disastrously wrong because it turned out that the Children actually couldn't control what they'd created, so the Others [[Ork|just want to exterminate '''all''' life.]] In both versions the Night's King is in control.
*'''Other Eastern Magic/Religions''' - The further and further east you go, the more GRRM scatters Lovecraft references to give the world flavour, like the Shadowlands and its cities of oily, black stone, Leng, and [[Deep Ones|fish people]]. They're just references, though, and will likely never be important.
**The Unsullied have their own goddess, the Lady of Spears, [[Slaanesh|whose altar they burn their dicks on as offerings]].
**The slavers worship a harpy goddess and justify their slavery through her.
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==Locations==

'''Westeros''': The continent where about 80% of the plot takes place. Scotland in the North, Siberia/Northern Scandinavia beyond the wall, Moorish Spain in the South, with the rest being England as far as climate is concerned, only much, much larger.
*The North: By far the largest of the Seven Kingdoms in size, and the least in population. [[Naggaroth|A rocky, cold and dangerous landscape where life barely tolerable]] ([[Norsca|although it's still preferrable to the eldrich lands beyond the wall]]), sometimes it even snows in summer, giving you a general idea why it's quite a shitty place to be in when compared with the more southern kingdoms. Living in it are the Northmen, culturally an inbetween of Northern English and Scots. Most of them still revere the Old Gods and practice traditions that feel very alien to those living in the south, of the First Men culture before the Andal Invasion, still holding out here and the Iron Islands. It's also damn near unconquerable by conventional means due to the narrow isthmus between it and the south being a noxious swamp; . Its ruling house at the beginning of the Story is House Stark, later House Bolton; Its capital is Winterfell.
*Iron Islands: Large, rocky archipelago off the coast of the North and the Riverlands. Their bleak and inhospitable landscape is the major reason why the Ironmen culture, the other hold out of the First Men culture in Westeros which has the unique blend of only political and not cultural Andal influence and lack of Children of the Forest influence as Weirwoods don't grow on islands and only First Men humans ever lived here during those times, is so centered around pillaging and raiding; you can't grow crops on rock. Does have a decently sized economy based around metal working, but nowhere near enough to support its populace. Their capital is Pyke.
*Riverlands: As the name says, the Riverlands are marked by several large rivers flowing through it and the large fertile valleys surrounding them. The historical whipping boy of the continent after the Andal Invasion took over the old First Men realms (minus the North and the Iron Islands), constantly fought over by the Westerlands, the Stormlands, the Reach, the Iron Islands and the Vale, to the point that it was under Iron Islands rule when Aegon Targaryen unified the continent minus Dorne. Gets buttfucked the hardest during the War of the Five Kings by a metric ton; first by the Mountain carrying out a campaign of terror against the civilian populace on Tywin's orders and second by most of the major fights between the Lannisters and the Starks taking place there. Honestly, after all the fighting, raping and pillaging happening in the Riverlands, one must wonder how many people are actually still left in them. Their ruling house is House Tully (later House Baelish); its Capital is Riverrun (later Harrenhal).
*Vale of Arryn: Mountainous Region east of the Riverlands home to (supposedly) the finest knights in Westeros due to them having constant field practice in crushing rebellion after rebellion of the native <s>Irish</s> Mountain Tribes (think Forsworn from Skyrim, only a lot more foul-mouthed) and having an absolute abundance of tiny territories to give out. The population lives more densely packed in the few large cities and townships that exist here due and traversing them is dangerous. Its ruling house is House Arryn, its capital The Eyrie, '''the''' hardest castle to take in Westeros as it is built on a mountaintop. Gulltown, one of the cities of Westeros, is the main economic hub.
*Westerlands: The second-smallest Kingdom in size but by far the richest due to its abundance of Gold and Silver Mines. Has a proud tradition of fucking everyone over by the means of money, politics or both combined. Also has a substantial importance as a major trading and naval hub in the city of Lannisport, which is the largest port on the western side of the continent. Its ruling house is House Lannister, its capital Casterly Rock. Casterly Rock was the capital of the old Kings, House Casterly, which was outsmarted by [[Lukas the Trickster|Lann the Clever]], who married the last surviving daughter and founded House Lannister.
*Crownlands: The lands directly controlled by the Iron Throne, surrounding a big bay, with a rather pleasant, mild climate. Centered around the capital King's Landing, which gets an entry of its own. Its ruling house is always the house of the current kings. Formerly divided between the Riverlands and the Stormlands.
**King's Landing: The capital of the seven kingdoms and by far its largest city. It houses every important institution on the continent, most importantly the Red Keep, where the King of the Seven Kingdoms resides and the Great Sept of Baelor, the religious center of the Faith of the Seven. Aside from the Red Keep and the Great Sept, a filth ridden, downtrodden shithole that is rife with poverty and criminals whereever you may set foot; the City Guard is openly corrupt and acts more like a government-approved gang of thugs. It seems to be something of an unofficial sport among all chacters in the books to never say anything good the city. Architecturally described like Medieval London, at the size of 1600s Paris.
*The Reach: The second-largest of the Seven Kingdoms, and the most populous. Its wide plains, dominated by fields and plantings serve as the breadbasket of the Seven Kingdoms. Also home to the oldest city in Westeros, Oldtown, which in turn is home to the Citadel of the Maesters. Its ruling house is Tyrell, its capital Highgarden. House Tyrell is matrilineally descended from Garth Greenhand like many other houses. The old ruling family, House Gardener, Garth's direct descendants, was wiped out when Aegon unleashed his dragons, with the then Lord of House Tyrell (at this point permanent stewards to House Gardener), was placed in control as he was married to the last Gardener female.
*Stormlands: The lands of House Baratheon, a mix of forested mountains and steep, stony shores: so-named for the very frequent storms that batter its coast. The weather here is so bad, their capital is known as Storm's End because all previous castles were destroyed by the weather, so this one had to be built <s>by a competent Northman architect</s> with magic. In spite of the dangerously bad weather, the area can be quite beautiful when not being battered by the elements. The Baratheons are descended from a loyal general who served the original Aegon, who was also rumored to be his half-brother. After Robert ascended the throne, control of the Stormlands was left to his youngest brother, Renly, while the middle-brother, Stannis, was assigned to guard Robert's back on the much-smaller, less prestigious island of Dragonestone.
*Dorne: The southernmost region of Westeros and the hottest (in more ways than just temperature), consists of rocky deserts in its center and lush, meditterrean areas on its coasts. The Dornish people differ a lot from other Westerosi in ethnicity and culture and have a different origin, that of the migrating Rhoynar people interbreeding with the then relatively isolated local Westerosi. [[Dune|Dorne was also the only Kingdom to successfully resist conquest by the Targaryens]] and was only brought into the fold through political marriages, and their rulers retain the title of Prince (the Rhoynar and the local Westerosi don't use king or queen, they use prince or princess), not afforded to anyone else not of the Royal Family. Its ruling house is Martell, its capital Sunspear.
*The Wall: A wall of ice of gargantuan proportions erected by the First Men to protect themselves against the Others/White Walkers long ago that marks the nothern border of Westeros proper and runs across it from west to east for three hundred miles. In the times when the Night's Watch was under full strength, it was an impenetrable fortification against anything that might dare to cross it, not just because of its sheer dimensions, but also the implication that the wall itself is reinforced by eldrich magic keeping the horrors beyond the wall at bay via unnatural means. Nowadays only three of its 19 keeps are permanently manned, leaving wide gaps in the Night's Watch defense against Wildlings, who sometimes climb over it to raid the South. The Night King tears a hole into it with one of Daenerys' Dragons in the final episode of season 7, allowing him and his undead army to pass through.
*Beyond-the-Wall:
**Craster's Keep: Not really a "keep" but the [[GRIMDARK|home of a man who fucks his own daughters and offers his sons to the Others]]. He is one of the very few "independent" wildlings and offers use of his home to the Night's Watch when they go off on scouting expeditions. Because it's full of servile (inbred) women, the men of the Night's Watch mutiny and take it over.
**Thenn: The name of both the land and its people, the Thenn consider themselves to be the ''true'' "last of the First Men," because they have laws and lords compared to the anarchist free-for-all of the other Free Folk; they don't speak common, they can actually smith, and they treat the "Magnar," the title of their king, like a god. In the show, they're just shown to be a bunch of scarred barbarians.
**Lands of Always Winter: The furthest north people have ever gone and have been able to come back from, the Lands are perpetually frozen, and the Others are said to come from here. Clearly, if you head far enough North, you'll hit a Chaos Rift and end up in the Warp.

'''The Stepstones''': Formerly a solid land bridge between Westeros and Essos, it was brought down by Children of the Forest magic in a failed attempt to stop the First Men invasion. Now an archipelago of islands infested by various ne'er-do-wells.

'''Essos''': A huge landmess (no, not a typo) about southeast of Westeros and home to many independent city-states west of the big mountain range. Generally agreed upon to be largely desolate wilderness sprinkled in with the occasional kingdoms that seem exotic and alien to Westerosi. Most of its western half used to be the center of power of the legendary Valyrian Freehold, with the Free Cities being colonies of them that survived the downfall of the Valyrian Empire hundreds of years ago. The exceptions are Slaver's Bay, conquered by the Valyrians before regaining independence after the Freehold's collapse, Qarth, Ib and some of the others.
*Old Valyria: The former center of the [[Roman Empire|all-powerful free state that ruled over most of Essos at its peak and posessed magic and technology, as well as dragons to keep control over it.]] Valyrias strength was legendary, so much so in fact that the downfall of it still influences politics in the world centuries after it occured. No one quite knows why Valyria fell, the only certain thing is that it was plagued by a sudden series of natural disasters that all but destroyed its homelands and left it in ruin. Valyrian culture only survived in bastardized forms in the Free Cities and, prior to their extinction, House Targaryen in Westeros. The ruins of Valyria are said to cursed and avoided by all but the most desperate of travelers. Traveling through Valyria is similar to sailing through the [[Eye of Terror]]: not only are you dealing with dangerous seas (''boiling seas'' akin to underwater tectonic activity), but also fucking [[daemons]], and [[Gellerpox Infected|parasitic plagues]].
*Free Cities: There are 9 city-states on the Western Half of Essos. 8 are former Valyrian colonies, with Braavos being the notable exception to most of the things they have in common. What ties them all together is that they're all connected by trade and feudalism isn't such a big thing here, which also makes their culture remarkably different from the Westerosi. Westerosi tend to view them as greedy opportunists while the Free Cities in turn view Westerosi as ignorant morons at best and backwards savages at worst. If you were going to have a setting based on ASOIAF and didn't want to spend the entire time shitting in the dirt or bleeding out in a ditch for some inbred noble, this is where you'd want to be:
**Braavos: The only one of the nine free cities to not be a Valyrian Colony (excepting the other countries like Qarth and Ib, who don't count among the nine). It was founded by Slaves that escaped their overlord in a marsh on the northernmost tip of Essos. It is mainly known for its massive port and the Iron Bank of Braavos, the biggest bank in the world. It also houses the House of Black and White, the central temple and headquarters of the Faceless Men.
**Pentos: Another large trading port on the western edge of Essos. It serves as the major trading hub between Westeros and the rest of Essos.
**Lys: Located on an island off the coast of Essos. Founded as a resort for Freeholders, it has the largest population with the Valyrian phenotype in the known world. A decadent city whose most famous export are prostitutes.
**Myr: The women here are hot, considering how often Westerosi seem to come back with wives from here. Other than that, its only notable feature is its forever-war with Lys and Tyrosh.
**Norvos: They make really good bodyguards that are taught to see their [[Executioners|axes as their waifus]].
**Qohor: Not much is known about them, except one of the brutal mercenary companies is from here, and they worship the [[Lovecraft|Black Goat.]]
**Tyrosh: Greedy slavers. Not really notable, except they're one-third of the constant warfare of the Disputed Lands along with Lys and Myr and for being extremely flamboyant.
**Volantis: The crown jewel, first colony of the Freehold and considers itself the successor state to the Freehold.
**Lorath: No, they don't speak for the trees. Lorath is the poorest of the Free Cities, and not much is known about them. Its most notable feature are the underground labyrinths that dot the island and which predate the Valyrians. Typical of Martin, the Labyrinths and a similar cult in Essos (the cult of the Pattern) are a reference to someone else's work, [[Dick|but no, he doesn't like fanfiction]].
*Ghiscari Empire and Slavers Bay: To the East of Valyria and the Free Cities, these cities pre-date Valyria. Before they were conquered, they had their own empire and worshiped the Harpy. Nowadays, they trade with the Dothraki, exchanging tribute for slaves, which they then market to the rest of the World. Vaguely the [[Middle East]] of ASOIAF. They are: Old Ghis, New Ghis, Astapor, Yunkai, and Meereen. In the books, Dany is stuck here trying to manage the clusterfuck that is deslaverizing these lands. Currently locked in a brutal war where the newly-freed slaves are either fighting the surviving slaver-nobles, other cities, or each other.
*Qarth: What separates the "East" from the "Far East." It's to the West of Slaver Bay and East of not!China/Japan, so any traffic between the Free Cities, Slaver's bay, and them, requires them to pass through Qarth. Home to a bunch of fucking weirdo Orientalist tropes that vie for power: The Pureborn, the noble descendants of ancient Qaathi Kings and Queens that fled the sacking of their cities to Qarth, so hold no real power beyond their titles; the Ancient Guild of Spicers (it's in the name); the Thirteen, ''another'' group of Merchants; the Tourmaline Brotherhood (more merchants!). Qarth is also the location of the House of the Undying, a group of Warlocks that drink "shade-of-the-evening," which is pretty much [[Dune|Spice from Dune]], but made from trees and not wormshit; the House of the Undying and most of its Warlocks were burnt down by Dany's dragons after they tried to steal them; they sent out some guys for revenge, but they ran into Euron where he promptly murdered them all and took their <s>spice</s> <s>nightshade</s> shade-of-the-evening. Functionally Singapore, but with a more Indo-Persian aesthetic.
*Rhoyne: Destroyed former city of the Rhoynar, who fled the Valyrian Freehold and migrated to Dorne. The former capital is currently infested by Stone-Men, Greyscale survivors who have gone feral.
*Ib: not!Dwarfs, but described more like Neanderthals than Nordic shorties. They're [[squat]], barrel-chested, with thick wiry black hair, heavy sloping eye brows and square-teeth of neanderthals, They're also incredibly hairy, and even their women have facial hair., Instead of digging holes in mountains, they travel the sees in equally-stocky whaling ships. They tend to keep to themselves, [[Meme|but are natural sailors, suitable for long voyages]].
*The Dothraki Sea: Not a sea, but the name for the not!Eurasian Plains. Before the Freehold collapsed and the Dothraki tribesmen took advantage of the chaos of the Century of Blood to conquer it and burn down all but one of the old Qaathi cities (with only Qarth itself surviving) and most of the old Kingdom of Sarnor along with other minor cities, it was known as the Great Grass Sea.
**Vaes Dothrak: The capital and only permanent Dothraki settlement. It is forbidden to carry weapons or spill blood here (doesn't mean you can't kill through other means).
*Golden Empire of Yi Ti: Not!China, with a mysterious history and pattern of legends eerily-similar to Westeros' own. Like China, has a long history of Emperors, each dynasty progressively ruling over smaller, weaker empires. The current dynasty is actually so weak, they're not taken seriously outside their capital.
**The Five Forts: In the not!Chinese version of the Long Winter/Long Night, the Empire of Yi Ti was cast into a long night that never ended, where the evil Lion of the Night was unleashed by the Bloodstone Emperor. He was beat back by the Lord of Light/Hyrkoon the Hero/but the name that the Yi Ti know him by was never stated. Just like the Wall in Westeros, the Five Forts were said to be erected by a great Emperor soon after to make sure the crisis never happens again. Just like Westeros, the Five Forts have waned in importance, now only protecting the Yi Ti from barbarians. The Five Forts are said to be made from a material of "fused black stone," similar in description to many ancient ruins all over the setting. Harrenhal is also described similarly, but Harrenhal was stone melted by dragonfire, so the idea that the Five Forts was made with the aid of dragons and/or magic has been floated by fans.
*The Jogos Nhai: not!Mongols, but they ride Zebras and are literally cone-heads.
*Asshai-by-the-Shadow: Further-Further-East, it may as well be mythic. The city of Asshai is depressingly gloomy, the entire city is composed of dark black towers made of fused, black stone that seems to "drink the light."

The South:
'''Summer Isles''': Think Avelorn, but Black. An archipelago to the Far South of Westeros, everything here is pretty idyllic. War is very formalized, prostitution is a religious rite, [[meme|there are no white people]], it's practically paradise. A deposed prince was sent to exile in Westeros and had been trying to get Robert to make the journey south to put him back on the throne, but no one really took him seriously.

'''Sothoryos''': [[Lustria|Jungle hell]].
*Yeen: Made of the same creepy black metal in Stygai, implied to be an old Empire of the Dawn Outpost. Even the death world jungle (as in, not just the animals, the actual jungle itself) refuses to go in there for fear of dying.

'''Ulthos''': not!Australia, and has absolutely no lore. Seriously, GRRM has literally never mentioned it except in relation to another place that also has no lore. It's a passing mention that his obsessive fans took note of, and when they literally helped wrote the setting book for him, their guess became canon.

==The appeal of A Song of Ice And Fire==
Exactly what catches the eyes of [[Skub|a given fan/critic/lout who complains about how bad it is anytime the show is mentioned within earshot]] to ASOIAF and its TV adaptation varies from individual to individual. Still, there's a couple of major draws.

'''The Worldbuilding:''' The main reason why this series gets compared to [[The Lord of the Rings]], ASOIAF is literally ''drowning'' under the weight of its worldbuilding, being crammed as full of facts about fictitious regions, histories, cultures, dynasties and races as GRRM can fit it. Your mileage will vary on how ''good'' that info is, but there's plenty of info in it. It is worth noting that much of the vagueness of various aspects of the world's lore comes down to the limited perspectives of each of the characters' point of view, so many places and events are often only known partially through superstition, rumors, and often second hand experiences passed down and muddled over time; all of which play quite heavily into the overall story structure of the series.

'''A vast colorful Cast:''' A lot of works of fantasy get by with a few archetypal characters (the Young Guy out to Prove themself, the Wise Wizard, the Dark Lord, the Mischievous One, the Grizzled Veteran, the Princess, the Dwarf, etc) and maybe a guy or two which rises above this. A Song of Ice and Fire has dozens of viewpoint characters and a hundreds of secondaries each with different situations, drives, motives and quirks that make them reasonably interesting. Even if you don't like one or some of them, there are plenty of others. When they die, it often hits home. Speaking of which...

'''Mainstream [[Dark Fantasy]]:''' Dark Fantasy is not exactly a mainstream niche. ASOIAF stands out by deliberately trying to market itself to the mainstream, despite embracing an abundance of dark fantasy tropes; gratuitous violence, sexuality and sexual violence, moral ambiguity, political intrigue, and a willingness to suddenly kill off any character, even the most likeable or heroic of them.

'''[[Low Fantasy]]:''' On the surface, ASOIAF is an old-school Low Fantasy setting, being a medieval-tech world with the story openly focused on the mundane lives of people struggling for political power and though supernatural elements do exist, they tend to be used sparingly.

'''[[High Fantasy]]:''' But if you scratch the surface, ASOIAF is also a High Fantasy setting, which is always the more marketable of the two, with the big backstory about how the world is facing impending doom from an army of wintery [[fey]] and their [[undead]] minions. There are also non-evil higher powers working against them, but they get swept under the rug in the show. Also, [[dragon]]s. As the more marketable genre, it's also inevitably the more skubby one, for whatever that's worth.

'''[[Magical Realm|Gratuitous Sexuality]]:''' More a thing for the TV show than the books; GRRM's scenes were [[Rape|raepy]] in the earlier volumes, and apparently our boy must have overheard the nickname "George Rape Rape Martin (I ''Like'' Rape)", because he dialed back the forced boning in #4-5. The frequent scenes of nudity and sex in the early seasons of the show were a ''big'' selling point for many people (the casting of people from the sex industry for some of these scenes also helped).

'''Not much in terms of generic fantasy tropes:''' Hate how almost every fantasy just has to have things popularized by Tolkien such as elves, dwarves, orcs and all that stuff? You're in luck because ASOIAF doesn't have a "five races" system, their accompanying stereotypes or the plot hinging on a magic item. On the other hand, it does have several generic fantasy tropes, such as [[dragon]]s, [[Medieval Stasis]], [[undead]] and at least two contenders for [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] status, so if you hate them too, well...

'''Lots of Houses and Sigils''': OK, so this is sort of a joke...except not completely. For those who are artistically minded and love coming up with their own OC groups and/or fleshing out minor characters, this setting really does invite it with the absolutely insane number of houses [[Space Marines|that each have their own distinct logo/color-scheme combo]].

==Oh Yeah, About The TV Show==
[[image:KnightsWhoSayFuck.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Yeah, pretty much.]]

{{Skubby}}

After the first three books became hits, many Hollywood producers and directors had come to the sadistic neckbeard, asking him about making a movie adaptation. At first, he was reluctant at best, due to the fact that a lot of his content would've been cut out to fit into a movie trilogy (see the Lord of the Rings live-action films). Then, a couple of dudes, David Benioff and D.B/Daniel Brett Weiss (AKA D&D, or more accurately as of the final season, Dumb & Dumber), decided to contact him and asked him at a local restaurant about turning ASOIAF into a Television show produced by HBO, the top-rated soft-core porno channel. The story goes that George asked them a very specific question (Who is Jon Snow's mother?). Satisfied with the response they gave, he gave them permission to start work on the show, which would be titled after the first book, ''Game of Thrones''. They would later go on to prove that this is not a good way of choosing who should adapt your work.

The television show casts several well-known performers, such as Sean Bean as Eddard, Peter Dinklage as Tyrion, Lena Headey as Cersei, and Charles Dance as Tywin. They have also cast some comparatively less well-known actors and even ones new to cinema, such as Sophie Turner (Sansa), Maisie Williams (Arya), Kit Harington (Jon), Iwan Rheon (Ramsay), Alfie Allen (Theon), and Richard Madden (Robb)

Thus, book snobs seem to think that every episode post-season 4 is nothing more than Emmy-bait. Regardless of the fact Kit Harington still [[Fail|doesn't have an Emmy]], there's a valid contention in that regard, with the number of liberties taken overshadowing the initial appeal.

The final season (more on that below) was eventually revealed to be such a train wreck because Dumb & Dumber did not want to work on the series anymore and had let the success with the earlier seasons go to their heads. In their arrogance, instead of handing the reins to someone else, they decided to plan out their own ending and use it as an audition to Disney so they could write for Star Wars. By then, they'd run out of books to adapt, there was no superior writing for them to leech off of and there was no one to gainsay them in their echo chamber of a writer's room (even George himself was cut out). The result was absolutely shit writing that caused a glorious breakage in the [[skub]] dam that left [[Butthurt|many a fan's anus weeping]] (provided they weren't early seasons fans, book series fans, or any of the other assorted onlookers [[Lulz|taking part in the mightiest of keks]]) and, if anything proved <s>George's </s> Ramsay's quote at the beginning of the article true. Goddamn Dumb & Dumber, could you talentless Derp machines do any worse if you tried? Luckily, comeuppance came after them and Disney, having some sense, told them to fuck off with their [[Star Wars]] ideas after the backlash towards the final season. Not that Disney Star Wars has been without its share of controversy and [[Rage]], but you know it's bad when someone gets told to piss off from even that.

The Greatest Irony and Tragedy of the show's writing was that in the first few seasons, with George RR Martin consulting them and with a wealth of material from the first few books to work with, D&D were actually pretty damn good at adapting the books into a TV format. In fact, quite a few scenes were in fact not only adapted, but actually created from scratch outside of the source material. One of the most noteworthy is the iconic introduction of Tywin Lannister in Season 1 Episode 7, where we learn everything we need to know about his character with nothing but precisely chosen dialogue and a rather blunt visual metaphor of him gutting a stag he slew in a hunt, all while brutally laying into Season 1's initially perceived villain, Jaime. Contrast this with Season 5 where the show's major decline began with blunders such as the omission of fan-favorite Lady Stoneheart, literally butchering the Dorne subplot with Martell family team-killing and changing the Sparrows' movement to a militant atheist's stereotype of religion. This decline makes a lot more sense after George himself admitted that Season 5 was the first Season where he was was really locked out of the loop.

Goes to show how much they had fallen when the well ran dry and the show' writing and adaptation process was no longer the finely honed instrument it had started as.

'''TL;DR'''

[[GM|Producers Dumb&Dumber-style change characters and railroad the plot at a whim,]] [[/d/M|the tits and ultraviolence spigot is opened even wider than the books,]] and most scenes are made for the actors to show off their skills at making their signature angry/murder/brooding/etc. faces, and wrapped it up with a season of TV soon to be discussed that even Matt Ward would be 100% justified in pointing and laughing at. Seasons 1-4 are worth your time, 7 and 8 are best ignored, and 5 and 6 are the [[Skub]] ones.

===The Final <s>Dumpster Fire</s> Season===
{{Fail}}
{{HurfDurf}}
{{Plot Armour}}

{{Topquote|If you try to do something fancy with your ending and you screw up, your audience will probably remember the botched ending more than the well run marathon|JP from Terrible Writing Advice (and advice Dumb and Dumber obviously didn't heed}})

Seasons 5, 6, and especially 7 all got their share of grief from people. Mostly deserved in the case of Season 7 and [[Skub|arguably so]] for 5 and 6 (though the latter did at least finally give Ramsay his just desserts, most of the problems that cropped up in 5 and 6 happened when the show passed the book in particular plotlines and mostly served as an early warning, 7 is when things started getting criticized in general rather than individual plots or details). Season 8 though? Well, read on:

The Final Season kicks off with the Night King's army attacking Winterfell in a battle meant to be epic, but instead so chock full of tactical [[Fail|fails]] from the living, they make General Custer look like Sun Tzu. The most infamous examples include Melisandre's powers being underutilized, putting soldiers in front of trenches/walls they should be behind/standing on, no flanking charges and hiding the non-combatants in a crypt while fighting necromancers. The battle is resolved when Arya teleports directly to the BBEG and kills him with some sleight-of-hand that destroys his entire army Keystone Army trope-style and ends the winter. Also Theon, Jorah and Melisandre die, but the story sweeps their deaths under the rug like they're nameless background characters.

Then the Westerosi go full-retard and start hating Daenerys. Yes really; Dany helped end a nation-destroying winter plus a zombie apocalypse, has a claim to the throne AND is their best ally against Cersei... but they want her gone. Even Sansa suddenly turns against Dany and starts seeking the throne, despite having no claim to the rest of Westeros and Dany being easily able to kill her for treason. Everyone inexplicably starts wanting Jon to be king despite his attempt to abdicate, and Jon himself even starts thinking Aunt Daenerys might be a bad queen... but that doesn't stop him from [[Incest Smith|starting a sexual relationship with her]]. The fact that Robert's bastard son Gendry is now a lord, giving him a claim to the throne at least as strong as Dany's or Jon's, is swept under the rug. Varys also jumps ship from Dany to Jon for no reason, even trying to kill Dany in an uncharacteristically stupid move. For his efforts, Tyrion reports Varys to Daenerys, who has Varys executed by Drogon's fire-breath.

Then Daenerys press-gangs people who should logically be happy to fight for her into an army to attack King's Landing and brings them there by sea. Along the way Rhaegal, one of Daenerys' two surviving dragons, is killed by ballistae from Euron's ships. This is despite the facts that Daenerys and her dragons should've easily been able to spot the ships, they were flying well out of ballista range and Euron had no way of knowing where they'd be. After Daenerys and Drogon single-handedly destroy the Iron Fleet (amid poorly animated weather*), they reach King's Landing. Cersei's artillery does nothing despite Daenerys, all her advisors and her dragon being within lethal range plus Cersei's lack of scruples. They in turn do nothing but watch Daenerys' friend Missandei, who was captured offscreen earlier, get executed by zombie-Gregor (despite the fact Cersei and co. had no reason to believe Missandei was anyone of import to either capture or execute. Maybe someone left a copy of the script in Cersei's solar next to her Starbucks latte**)

The battle for King's Landing has Daenerys' forces break in and battle through the streets. Meanwhile Jaime snuck though the tunnels [[Fail|to find and reconcile with Cersei. The Hound regresses to his old violent self and tracks down zombie-Gregor to take him down in a battle that kills them both (although most consider this the one bright spot in the episode). Arya gives up on revenge and decides to let Cersei go despite having strong non-revenge-related reasons to kill her]]. The famed Golden Company is quickly killed off and Cersei signals a surrender by ringing the bells (the bells aren't, and have never been, signals for surrender). Then, in the capstone of bad writing for this season, Daenerys' switch flips from good to evil because the writers want it to happen, and Dany abandons her plan of freeing and leading Westeros to purging King's Landing with her dragon and army. Cersei and Jamie die together in a cave-in and Tyrion mourns their deaths despite being ready and eager to personally kill Cersei earlier. This is followed by Dany's Saruman/Hitler-esque speech that has nothing to do with her former character. Tyrion is arrested for criticizing Daenerys by saying "If this is liberation, I don't believe in liberation theology." Yes, [[Derp|the writers think theology and ideology are the same thing]] (an unsurprising mistake, given they shoehorned in anti-religious rants for the past three Seasons despite the books' even-handedness). This last one has proven to be its own personal bit of Skub, as many have argued that Daenerys going evil is in keeping with the cynical themes and tone of the setting. While this isn't wrong on its face, it does nothing to change the fact that the execution is 100% half-assed. Walter White's descent into villainy this is not, or even Anakin's arc in the Star Wars Prequels, which looks like The Godfather compared to what Season 8 does with Daenerys.

In the aftermath, Jon assassinates Daenerys for the King's Landing massacre... [[Derp|right in front of her dragon]]. Drogon, due to Jon's stronger-than-Valyrian-steel-plot-armor, doesn't kill him but melts the Iron Throne ([[What|accidentally according to the showrunners]]) while chucking a tantrum before grabbing Dany's body and flying away. Jon is somehow charged with Dany's murder despite there being no evidence that he did it, but surprisingly none of the surviving characters still loyal to Dany try to kill Jon (such as the Unsullied or the Dothraki). Despite there being several legitimate choices of king still available, including Gendry, the nobles decide to replace a dynastic monarchy with an elective one and make Bran king. Bran is nominated by Tyrion for a nonsensical reason ("he has the best story"), Tyrion somehow getting a say in the meeting despite being imprisoned for treason.

The Unsullied go to Southros under command of Grey Worm (the only one who still has a personality at this point). The Dothraki are forgotten about by everyone else. Tyrion is freed and made Hand of the King to Brann. Brienne is made Commander of the Kingsguard. [[Derp|Bronn is made Master of Coin (and Lord of Highgarden) despite him not knowing how financial loans work. Gendry is completely forgotten. Samwell is made the new Grand Maester]] and [[What|the North secedes and becomes independent under Queen Sansa (which definitely wouldn't cause future problems and tensions)]]. [[The Lord of the Rings|Arya sails to the West]] for some unknown reason and Jon is exiled but doesn't care because he gets to go back up north with the Wildings like he wanted. The end.

This trainwreck of a plot is a testament to how two morons can royally fuck up a show beyond any redeeming qualities the cast and crew can put forward. And even then there were screw-ups among the production staff, such as *the animators being unable to decide whether the sky is sunny or overcast when Dany and Drogon destroy the Iron Fleet - which mattered because Dany's plan to not get shot down involved having the sun behind her - and **not removing the actors' water bottles and coffee cups from the set before shooting. Hyperbole is sort of the norm here, but it really is hard to overstate how badly Season 8's finale fucks up. Game of Thrones was ''everywhere'' culturally for most of the 2010s, drawing in huge numbers of people who would otherwise never be caught dead indulging in High Fantasy works with us uber-nerds. Now, the entire Thrones fandom has practically disappeared or gone underground. Honestly, it would be an impressive achievement if it weren't so terrible.

==House of the Dragon: The ''other'' TV show==

{{Topquote|If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again.|Benjamin Franklin [[Star Wars:Rebels|(and also Maul when trying to kill Kanan)]]}}

Deciding that there was still a market for Game of Thrones stuff even after the last season turned the 2010s biggest pop-culture phenomenon into a laughingstock*, HBO bet the bank on some spin-offs, the first of which is now upon us. House of the Dragon is a prequel dealing with the Dance of Dragons, a civil war between two Targaryen factions that ends up consuming Westeros and everyone in it World-War style, and featuring lots of dragons fighting dragons and the standard Westeros fare of fairly bad people doing extremely bad things. Like Game of Thrones before it, it boasts a star-studded cast, a big budget, and a lot of hype. Time will tell if it redeems the failures of the original show or repeats them. If there's a reason to be optimistic (aside from Dumb and Dumber being absent), it would be that the whole story of the Dance of Dragons is written and mapped out, meaning the writers don't have to come up with their own shit to make an ending that George hasn't yet written. Has gotten off to a strong start, so there's the hope that it will be able to redeem the legacy GoT's last two seasons absolutely ruined.

*Given that the premiere was apparently so widely watched it crashed the streaming for many people, they might actually be right.

Ultimately, with Martin having more oversight over the writing of this series, and director Miguel Sapochnik actually having a passion for the setting and genre rather than just answering a mystery question to GRRM's satisfaction, the current 6 episodes have seen sky high bumps in both HBO viewership and rave reviews. The slow burn over years as the characters inch closer towards disaster has left the majority of viewers on a palpable knife's edge so far. By the time the 1st season wrapped up, the show had garnered enough praise and profit to warrant the green light by HBO for work on the next season, with out of the park critical and commercial praise, in most cases surpassing its Amazon LOTR contemporary ''Rings of Power'' with just a third of the budget per episode. In fact, George Martin was so moved by the performance of Paddy Considine as King Viserys Targaryen, that he stated that he wished he could tear out all that he wrote about the character in his books and rewrite it to match the show version.

==GRRM and [[Your Dudes]]==
Want to make your own ASoIF setting for a role-playing game? Well, readers have enough room to fantasize about their own minor noble House (or kingdom during the Age of the Hundred Kingdoms).

A good example of what you could do is the House from the old [[/v/|"Telltale Game of Thrones"]], House Forrester. Their relationship to the canon is as follows:

House Forrester (lords of someplace in the Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Glover (overall lords of the entire Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Stark (rulers of the North).

[[Fantasy Flight Games]] had a very brief tie-in making those annoying attention-sucking Facebook games, way back when FFG did that sort of thing. Just goes to show how even the other guys [[Games Workshop|will do anything for money]].

There's also an actual tie-in tabletop RPG now, which uses its own system and looks kind of like [[Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay]] with a heavy helping of resource-management strategy feel.
Players are assuming the role of a minor House to guide to glory, or, more accurately given the setting we're in, NOT to ruin utterly in a season or two, which would still be more than many A-list players mustered in canon. Each PC has a specific position within said House, and only the role of official Head is mandatory; the rest could be wife/children/brothers and sisters/all other kinds of siblings, bastards (with rules for obtaining the legitimate recognition), maesters, sworn/subservient knights, or most of anybody else. This naturally opens up near-infinite possibilities for families screwed up seven ways to high heavens, which would make Lannister's brand of infighting-slash-inbreeding look as sane as the High Septon.

The setting is also ill-suited for "adventures in Westeros" style of gaming for two reasons:
#In the grim darkness of low fantasy, a roaming nobody with no banner to talk about, no House allegiance, no nothing isn't generally treated to a Tavern With Quest Givers, but rather more to a Tavern Where You Are Shanked For Your Sword And Boots And Dumped At The Nearest Forest. Heck, even the big wheelers and dealers are routinely seen invited to the latter when they are slow to properly introduce themselves.
#Working on your initially-puny House will quite realistically involve thy neighbours first and foremost, then liege lords from the higher House yours is sworn to, and on occasion shopping around for an advantageous marriage - there simply ain't gonna be that much spare time to "travel to see places". Both of these are also why tourism wasn't a very popular pastime in medieval Europe (aside from Pilgrimages to Jerusalem, Cologne and Santiago de Compostela) and why those who were "living on the road" usually enjoyed the lowest social standing.

A note to aspiring Lords: do NOT, under any circumstances, allow your "combat-optimized" siblings an unsupervised minute in a social setting. Game's "social combat" system is a thing more brutal than the physical one, and it takes a socially-optimized character all of a few minutes to mindfuck one who is not (read: everyone but dedicated diplomats and Heads of the Houses, and not every one of the latter, to boot, as illustrated by several amazing boneheads in canon) into believing pretty much anything short of Grumpkins and Snarks. Stupid NPCs or a stupid GM will make said mindfuck obvious, allowing you to "mindfuck 'em back" without abuse of OOC info; cunning ones will not.

On a side-note; GRRM is said to take a dim view of fanfiction, saying it kills creative ability. This is kind of a double-edged statement, since a lot of George's characters here are either rehashes of his characters from previous works, references to other fictional characters (like Littlefinger and Samwell being based on Jay Gatsby and [[The Lord of the Rings|Samwise Gamgee]]), walking tropes (such as Ned Stark and Robb Stark being the "[[TVTropes|Honor Before ]] [[Lawful Stupid|Reason]]" characters) or historical references (such House Lannister ripping off House Lancaster and House Tyrell being totally-not-House-Tudor - to the point that Margaery Tyrell is played by Natalie Dormer from "The Tudors" TV show). While this makes everything he wrote just another...fanfiction, and his disapproval hypocritical. Still, given the "creative" output of the average neckbeard, he's perhaps not entirely wrong. For another layer of irony/hypocrisy, he sold the rights to make a TV series of the books to HBO, who's adaptation would eventually devolve into a glorified fanfic.

==Games==
[[image:AGot-2nd-ed-cardfan.png|thumb|250px]]
Like any fantasy author who finds themselves unexpectedly in the warm embrace of commercial success, Martin quickly licensed the shit out of his setting; spawning everything from resin miniatures to replica great swords. While most of this is worthless junk to foist on [[Neckbeard|obsessive fanboys]] /tg/ has agreed that a few of the games are made of win. The first two are a collectable [[CCG|card game]] put out in 2002 by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] and a [[Risk]]-esque board game that followed shortly after in 2003. One of [[White Wolf]]'s subsidiaries also put out a [[d20 System|d20 RPG]] in 2005 but it quickly tanked because, come on, [[White Wolf]]. Martin since wrested the rights back and developed a new version with [[Green Ronin Games]].

Now let's have some serious talks about the Game of Thrones games, because they have become some sort of endless source of [[Skub|amusement and frustration]] for the gaming fanbase. Game of Thrones is, roughly speaking, the second franchise with the most licensed board games, after [[Star Wars]]. Some of them have acquired quite a legendary status and a fanbase that goes beyond the book or series fans.

The great juggernaut for all the ASOIAF-based games is [[Fantasy Flight Games]]:
* First and foremost we have [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-the-board-game-second-edition/ ''A Game of Thrones: The Board Game'']: a game that after two editions still ranks high in /bgg/'s top 100, and has recently had an expansion. The board game has become some sort of meme for the modern board gamers and it could be considered the equivalent of a more advanced [[Risk]], in which dice and blank character got replaced by a very flavourful and brutal combat system and a lot of thematical mechanics fueling the engine. Overall this game has been associated with concepts such as requiring maximum player count to really be entertaining, having an amazing amount of length and depth and being a very faithful representation of the political feeling the series inspired. Almost any boardgamer or wargamer worth his salt has played this game and enjoyed its highs, its lows and the amazing amount of frustrations it brings. This is probably the most well known of all the ASOIAF games and it was released way before Game of Thrones was a cultural phenomenon back in 2003.<br>
:It also has a digital edition, sold on Steam and Android

* Another game that bears mention, both for its excellent mechanics and its historical significance is [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-the-card-game-second-edition/ A Game of Thrones: The Card Game]. It is one of the most balanced card game experiences you can get, also full of flavour and with quite a great amount of balance and non-linear thinking. The best part is, unlike certain other popular card games, the game follows the living card game format: players know exactly what each booster pack brings and can buy cards in a more responsible manner, rather than playing bingo and hoping to get a rare card. Also, the sole core set already provides more replayability than some fully-fledged board games.

* Finally, the last game to mention in the [[Fantasy Flight Games|FFG]] venerable trilogy of games is [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/battles-of-westeros/ ''Battles of Westeros''], arguably the most ambitious and least successful of the three. Battles of Westeros was a fully-fledged wargame that used the [[Memoir 44]] and [[BattleLore]] rules as a base, but then evolved into its own by introducing mechanics such as commanders, tactic cards, and very creative scenario rules. Miniatures were made in 15mm and, for their time and scale, they were quite detailed; some commanders are real standouts (for example, Robb Stark's has his direwolf jumping at his side).<br>
:Thanks to its scale, the game was able to provide players with a great number of options and units at a fraction of the price of other board games. With a core set that was already stacked with units and variety, and then faction-specific expansions that added several more units and commanders. The game also came with scenario books that provided narrative play with quite creative rule variants, such as storming palisades, having decoys in escort missions, and bombarding enemies with catapults. One scenario even tried to bring to life the Battle of the Blackwater (the hybrid invasion of King's Landing by Stannis ''the God-Damn Mannis'' Baratheon). The game was incredible and quite a creative wargame, but its main issue was that the setup time was just terrible. Incredibly complex and tiresome when compared to the actual gameplay time.

There are others, such as the ASOIAF-themed [[Settlers of Catan|Catan]] expansion called [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/a-game-of-thrones-catan-brotherhood-of-the-watch/ ''A Game of Thrones Catan: Brotherhood of the Watch''], another card game called [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/hand-of-the-king/ ''A Game of Thrones: Hand of the King''], and another board game [https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/products/game-of-thrones-the-iron-throne/#/products-section ''Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne'']. The quality of those, however, remains to be seen.

And then the miniature-producing Kickstarter juggernaut [[CMON]] decided to produce its own [[wargame]], with AMAZING miniatures. The game began with, of course, a [https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cmon/a-song-of-ice-and-fire-tabletop-miniatures-game Kickstarter], and after that, the game has had at least 2 dozen more releases with 3 more factions added.<br>
The game has some mechanics taken from rank and file games, such as [[Kings of War]], combining them with mechanics taken out of "battles of Westeros" particularly the tactics deck. A new page is in the works: [[ASOIAF Miniature Game]]

==Books==
*''A Game of Thrones''
*''A Clash of Kings''
*''A Storm of Swords'': Split into 2
*''A Feast for Crows'': half the characters, the point where the series goes down the toilet
*''A Dance with Dragons'': split into 2 the first is about the other half of the characters, and manages to pick things up a bit
*''The Winds of Winter'': First rumored to be ready by late 2018, then given an official release date of Summer 2020, those times have come and gone and the book is unreleased. Though he has shared chapters of the book.
*''A Dream of Spring'' : Unreleased and unlikely to ever be.
** GRRM will most likely die before writing this, though he has given an outline for how he wants the series to end that might be made public knowledge if he dies before the book series is finished.
*''The Dunk and Egg Series'': A story about a landless hedge knight travelling across Westeros with a Targaryen squire, so he can teach him how not to be an asshole to peasants. Consists of three small novels, with the fourth one being essentially ready (it was supposed to be published in a Dangerous Women anthology, but was shelved by Martin).
*''Fire and Blood'': Martin's Silmarillion (it even had a GRRMarillion working title at one point) that details the rule of Targaryen kings since the Conquest up until Robert's Rebellion. Only one tome, which abruptly ends on King Aegon III sixteen birthday, was relased, with the second one being released <s>never</s> after Winds of Winter.
**''Sons of the Dragon'': standalone chapter that was released 2 years before full FoF, detailing reigns of Aenys and Maegor.
**''Rogue Prince'': chapter about King Viserys' reign on which most of HOTD's Season 1 is based.
**''The Princess and The Queen'': chapter about Dance of Dragons (do not be confused with Dance ''with'' Dragons).

==On The "Grimdarkness" of the Setting==

One important note: While the setting is usually held to be "Grimdark", it is also very true to Real Life in its nastiness, with real consequences for assholes. George himself has said, quote; "No matter how much I make up, there's stuff in history that's just as bad, or worse." Book one is almost exactly the beginning of the War of the Roses, except with England enlarged to a continent's size and the seasons stretched out to let the travel times work. (...And then the dragons wake up, the ice elves and their undead armies return and magic makes a comeback. It's not a perfect analogy. All that stuff is closed in their own sub plots and they don't involve the main continent in the book, that is left to "common" war and plotting.)

For an example of Grimdark, but with consequences: The King can order the execution of the head of the leading noble family of the North, for essentially no reason, but now he doesn't have hostages to exchange when their relatives and/or armies come after him seeking revenge. (And all this is modeled on various occasions where more or less '''exactly''' this kind of thing happened in real life medieval Europe.)

In other words: Truly heinous shit goes on, and there's nothing ''stopping'' that kind of shit... but there are ''consequences'' to that kind of shit that act as an effective counterbalance against being seen to do that kind of shit to the smarter nobles in the kingdom. And, because anyone can die, the shittiest characters are no more guaranteed survival than the nicest.

Also worth mentioning that there's reason to think that, despite the quote that began this page, the series may not actually end on [[The End Times|100% downer note]], as Martin has said he hopes his series will end in a way akin to the Scouring of the Shire from Lord of the Rings, which, despite the name, is more of a bittersweet ending. So who knows (though this also presumes the author will actually get around to finishing the series at all).

In sum, whether the setting fully qualifies for "Grimdark" is a matter for debate. Probably the best way of looking at is that it is Grimdark, but in a nuanced way.

==See Also==
*[[/tg/ Song of Ice and Fire Houses]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U7NpSubAJQ Weiner, Weiner weiner]

[[category: Literature]]