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Lucius

2017-07-31T22:37:22Z

2A02:C7D:CA0:8500:ADBE:1C61:B359:C32E:

[[File:Lucius_the_Eternal.jpg|350px|thumb|right|The sick bastard in all his sick glory.]]

''"Hey, '''BRAH!''' Got a nice spirit stone there. Can I put it in my mouth and cover it in SALIVA?!"''
<br><small>-[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Lucius, being a creepy deviant as always]]</small>

'''Lucius the Eternal''' is the sickest fuck in the [[Emperor's Children]] (rivaling even [[Honsou]], maybe), an entire [[First Founding|Legion]] of sick fucks who worship [[Slaanesh|the very god of sick fuckery]]. That's really saying something.

Back during the [[Great Crusade]], Lucius was [[Brother-Captain|Captain]] of the 13th Company, where he was the best swordsman in the legion. Meaning, in an entire army of perfectionists, no one was better at sword fighting than Lucius. He was also extremely arrogant, more concerned about his own glory than the Legion's. During the campaign on [[Murder]], Lucius got himself into trouble with his superior Eidolon for using a xenos claw as a weapon and then [[Tarik Torgaddon]] for being a kiss-ass to any senior Emperor's Children marine, and obnoxious to anyone else. He later showed off his prowess to the [[Black Legion|Luna Wolves]] in the practice cages, defeating [[Erebus]]. However, [[Knights-Errant#Garviel_Loken|Garviel Loken]] found a flaw in Lucius' method--his reliance on technique--and beat him with a punch to the face.

During the [[Battle of Isstvan III]], Lucius initially sided with the Loyalists against the [[Chaos Space Marines]]. But when command of the loyalist Emperor's Children was taken by [[Saul Tarvitz]], Lucius got jealous (failing to note that every loyalist on the planet would eventually die, and who got the most credit didn't matter--even Tarvitz doesn't get much recognition in the [[Imperium of Man|Imperium]]). It's slightly skimmed over, but apparently Lucius got corrupted by the [[Slaanesh]]i cultists' music in the battle on Isstvan III, as he started to become obsessed with the "song of death". Eventually he betrayed their stronghold in exchange for joining the Traitors, tricking [[Solomon Demeter]] into killing loyalist Space Marines before murdering him. Proving that the age old adage, ''"It is better to die for the Emperor than live for yourself"'', may have some truth to it. And of course, Lucius got off a little bit on Demeter's anguish before putting the poor guy out of his misery. He then proceeded to toy with Tarvitz after explaining his reasons; "I'm better than you". However Tarvitz took a leaf out of Loken's book, jumped on Lucius and deployed a tactical smackdown. Lucius then got pumped full of [[bolter]] shrapnel, but escaped to get some [[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bill]] augmentations.

During the rest of the Heresy, Lucius put his skills to good use murderizing loyalists (and organising an exorcism/BDSM session for [[Fulgrim]]). He continued being an arrogant supremely skilled bastard until he met Nykona "I don't use the floor" Sharrowkyn, a [[Raven Guard]] badass who proceeded to make Lucius his bitch on two separate occasions before stabbing him through both hearts and killing him..

Except the last part didn't quite stick, because he mysteriously got up again after being very definitely dead. Not even Fabius knows how he pulled this off and Lucius was sensible enough not to stick around long enough for Fabius to find out how it worked by vivisection. He somehow ended up wondering around on Sortiarius, seperated from the rest of his legion. After duelling with the Thousand Son's blademaster Sanakht, Lucius accompanied Ahriman and his cabal in their quest to find the shards of the Crimson King. Along the way, he proved to be an effective manipulator, tempting several Thousand Son's into doing what Lucius's demonic allies wanted.
[[File:Iron Hands troll Lucius.png|600px|thumbnail|left|The Iron Hands found a way to make his Come Back From The Death Ability useless.]]
But it's (ironically) ''after'' the [[Horus Heresy]] where things start to get creepy. During one of the random gladiatorial games the Emperor's Children partake, Lucius was struck down. The experience was so enjoyable that it caught [[Slaanesh]]'s notice. Not wanting to lose so devoted a servant, Lucius was resurrected in his killer's own body. After that, anyone who struck down Lucius and felt any satisfaction from the act would find themselves possessed by Lucius, who thus became known as Lucius the Eternal. To all the MANLY FOLLOWERS of [[Khorne]], this makes Lucius a total failure compared to [[Kharn]], as Kharn has been killing stuff for just as long as Lucius without dying once (correction: the [[World Eaters]] claimed his "lifeless corpse" from the steps in front of the [[Golden Throne|Infinity Gate]]... still, that's only one death to Lucius' fucktons). To all the FOOLISH IMPERIAL SCUM, this is the most terrifying thing ever: they know they'll never get him with an [[exterminatus]] or orbital bombardment because of plot, and they know that their greatest champions (who have their own [[plot armor]]) can't beat him either. May have in fact aided the Imperium by getting killed by more skilled Chaos Champions and [[Xenos]].

Of course, his knack for possessing his killer if they get any satisfaction is easily gotten around. Either by having a [[Tyranid]] or [[Necron]] kill him, as they can't get satisfaction from the act being emotionless robots or alien locusts. The other solution is if the person who kills him and enjoys it commits suicide before the transformation occurs. Or, take him alive (easier said then done admittedly, but given Lucius' record at fisticuffs a few [[Terminator]]s could probably subdue him easily), cut his limbs off, lock him in a metal box, bury it, build a heavily armed fortress on top full of [[stormtrooper]]s who think they're just there to support a crusade and BAM, problem solved. Hell, even just having some bored as fuck [[Imperial Guard|Guardsmen]] in [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisks]] shell him to death without ever realizing what they did and he can't really come back.

In between [[Black Crusade]]s, Lucius is said to wander that [[Eye of Terror]], supposedly looking for either the location of Fulgrim's pleasure world, or to find a means to weaponize his penis. If things had gone very differently, he could probably get some help with that from the [[Iron Hands]].

==On the Tabletop==

Lucius gets a standard Chaos Lord statline, plus WS7 and I6. He clocks in at 165 points, and is equipped with a power sword, a doom siren, and a 3+/5++. He has two unique abilities: his Lash of Torment reduces the attacks of all enemies in base contact by one and gives all his close combat attacks Shred, and his Armour of Shrieking Souls means that each time he passes an armor or invul save, the model or unit that caused the wound takes a S4 AP2 hit. He also has the Duellist's Pride rule, which makes his attacks characteristics equal to his opponent's weapon skill in a challenge.

In a codex full of one-trick ponies, Lucy is the ultimate one, being quite good at killing 3+ or worse characters but being otherwise almost totally useless. Unlike [[Kharn]], who you can point at basically anything, Lucius struggles with 2+ save characters. The bane of his existence, though is S8 weaponry, as he lacks Eternal Warrior and will likely get splatted by the first Thunder Hammer/Artificer armor captain he challenges. His low number attacks (3) and his lack of a second close combat weapon mean that he struggles outside of challenges, too. He does bring a Doom Siren along, meaning double-Siren drive-by fun if you put him in a Rhino with Noise Marines.

=== 8th Edition ===
8th ed Lucius got buffed hard, getting a price cut, 5 attacks instead of 3 base and a 2-damage power sword. The Lash of Torment is now an S4 AP-1 D2 Assault 2 weapon that can be fired both into and out of combat, essentially giving him 7 attacks base before additional rules like Death to the False Emperor kick in. Duelist's Pride has changed since challenges are gone. Now, if he directs all his attacks at a single enemy character he gets +2 attacks. Sadly that Doom Siren of his is now totally lame. Ah well. Like every damn character in 8th ed he also gives a 6" bubble of rerolling 1s on to-hit rolls to units with his subfaction keyword, '''EMPEROR'S CHILDREN.''' All this for a mere 41 points over a naked Chaos Lord, not bad.

*Alternate opinion: Lucius' swordsmanship is supposed to be "Perfect", but he hits on a 2+ just like every other melee character. Compare him to the Emperor's Champion for instance. Would you rather have +2 attacks or re-roll to hit any miss AND +3 strength vs characters? The Black Sword is just better than the "Blade of the Laer" which slew the Primach Ferrus, because reasons. Then you have Lucius mediocre saves 3+/5++. They could have at least give him a 4+ in combat; he's Slaanesh's champion after all. The prominent rack of Combat Drugs on his back does nothing. Finally, his character aura is just bland. Look at the auras the Imperial special characters grant. Granting +1S to sonic weapons, FNP within 6" would have been more characterful. While he isn't terrible, the best thing you can say about Lucius is that he's cheaper, and that's really a shame. Maybe when/if he gets a plastic model they'll do something interesting with him.

==Other Lucius-es==
Apparently, the name is widespread in the 40k, and there are a lot of other dudes, places and things named Lucius, amongst which:
*'''Lucius the Pretendent''' – another Slaaneshi Chaos Lord, who hilariously cosplayed Lucius the Eternal, by challenging and slaughtering Imperial champions on [[Medusa]] 5. Accidentally rolled two sixes and ascended to [[daemon]]hood.
*'''[[Forge World]] Lucius''' – one of the top-grade forge worlds, rivaling the [[Mars]] itself with a quantity and variety if things it produces. Has it's own exclusive patterns of [[Warhound Scout Titan|Warhound]] and [[Reaver Battle Titan|Reaver]] [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|titans]], as well as [[Standard Template Construct|STCs]] of [[Macharius Heavy Tank]] and Cyclops demolition tank.
*'''Lucius [[Drop Pod]]''' – big ass drop pod specifically designed for deploying dreads.

{{Template:Chaos-Marines}}

The Culture

2017-07-31T22:20:13Z

2A02:C7D:CA0:8500:ADBE:1C61:B359:C32E: /* Overview */

[[File:Gsv.jpg|400px|thumb|right|It's more fun in the Culture]]
''"You might call them soft, because they’re very reluctant to kill, and they might agree with you, but they’re soft the way the ocean is soft, and, well; ask any sea captain how harmless and puny the ocean can be."''
— Cheradenine Zakalwe, ''Use of Weapons''

'''The Culture''' is a series of Scifi novels by Scottish writer Iain M. Banks, about a spacefaring utopian society called 'The Culture'. The stories focus mainly on space politics, ethical dilemmas, black humor, sexuality, and despair.

However, it's relevance on /tg/ stems mainly from the fact that the universe in general is so ridiculously fucking powerful and can utterly and completely assrape nearly anything put against it.

==Overview==
The Culture is a galactic civilization which serves as the main setting for many Iain M Banks novels and short stories, the first novel in the series being ''Consider Phlebas''.

It is basically what would have happened if the humans from the [[Dark Age of Technology|Golden Age of Technology]] did not have a small problem with genocidal [[Men of Iron]]. More cynically, it is what would happen if the government of ''Brave New World'' was a galactic superpower: making sure everyone wants for nothing, but desperate for something to fill the emptiness. Well, they are a bit less extreme than that; eugenism is ''definitely not'' something the Culture would agree with, but that's the general idea.

The Culture is set in our own timeline, the stories taking place between 1300 AD and 2100 AD, Earth being contacted roughly around 2100 AD. It is the product of six or seven pan-human civilizations that decided to merge together 10,000 years ago and create what is basically a space utopia. The Culture is a post-scarcity society, where basically everything is available for free, time being the only resource to take into account. It does not have a centralized government, as it is more a society that an real state or nation. Very few written laws exist (and if you feel the need to ask what are these written laws, then ''there is clearly something wrong with you'') and people are basically allowed to do pretty much whatever they want. Now, in the novels, we do not have many details about how the Culture actually works, but, in Banks' words, it's "an ethical and cynical anarchy that tries to be a ''rather good society'', following socialist, libertarian and anarchist principles.

Well, apparently that works. The Culture is around since ten millennia, and is now considered to be one of the most powerful civilizations of the galaxy. And they aren't, contrary to many [[Tau|utopias]], hiding anything. The Culture is a ''genuine'' utopia and a very good place to live, which is actually quite rare in sci-fi in general, and modern sci-fi in particular.

Now, where is the trick?

Well, you do not attain such a level of power in the galaxy while being space hippies all the time. There is a faction/intelligence service/conspiration in the Culture called ''Contact'', which is dedicated to, well, establish contact with other civilizations. The books focus on the interaction between the Culture and said civilizations, mainly through the eyes of people that belong to ''Special Circumstances'', which is basically the Culture's CIA, mostly trying to... well, influence other civilizations to make sure they will, one day or an other, end up joining the Culture willingly. Said interactions may imply technological transfers, propaganda, up to ''starting revolutions and civil wars''. Space hippies inside, sure, but imperialist outside. The Culture is like a sponge that slowly absorbs other civilizations over the course of millennia.

Oh, and did I mention they are ''quite advanced''? And when I mean advanced, I really mean it. The Culture is ruled... ahem, benevolently oversaw by ''Minds'', that is to say extremely powerful AIs (so powerful that they dedicate only a fraction of their power to such trivial matters and spend the rest bulding virtual worlds with 12 dimensions), and in general AIs are considered as citizens of the Culture, from the biggest sentient ships (because yes, all of their ships are sentient, why did you even ask?) to the smallest drones. Aside from being sentient, their ships have hulls made of force fields, because metal is for pussies anyway, can reach 230,000 times the speed of light and the biggest ones measure in hundreds of kilometers and can carry entire ecosystems, with billions of people on board. Oh and the Culture does not live on planets, because that's absolutely ''inelegant'', so they use Orbitals, that are basically Halo-style ringworlds scattered across the galaxy. Did I mention that the average Culturnik may live for 400 years, and technically reach immortality even if it is not considered as fun, and thus not really popular? ''And in one novel, a ship save the life of a beheaded man by simply teleporting the severed head back and creating a new body from scratch''.

Last but not least, the Culture are ''peaceful'' and not ''pacifist''. Which means that, contrary to [[Ork|certain]] [[Imperium of Man|people]], they won't invade you without a reason, but if you fuck with the Culture, they ''can'' and most certainly ''will'' obliterate you. The base weapon of their military ships is "gridfire", which basically amounts to [[Awesome|''using the fabric of space and time as a weapon'']] (That actually says a lot about Banks' universe, considering that the Culture is not, although in the top ten, most advanced race in the setting). The first novel, ''Consider Phlebas'' features a galactic war between the Culture and an other race called the Idirans, and after a few years of being crushed, the Culture who finally started mobilizing simply steamrolls and utterly annihilate its foe. After this, the Culture started designing actual dedicated warships, going so far as to give them obviously threatening class designations like Torturer, Thug, and Murderer. Their most powerful warship, the Abominator, is so overpowered in the current setting that it was capable of wiping out millions (not an exageration) of enemy vessels unaided, and actually did so far slower than it needed to because it was enjoying itself too much to finish the engagement quickly. Other races find it odd that a race like the Culture turned out to be so martially capable. The wiser Involved civilisations note that whilst most races start off more aggressive and learn to tone down, the peaceful Culture had to do the opposite. So while hippies they may be, there is one axiom that you should not forget "Don't Fuck with the Culture".

== Why the hell is that interesting? ==
Because it's a rather original take on the human galactic society theme; the socialist/libertarian/anarchist utopia. Banks called the Culture a ''rather good'' society, and it's exactly what it is; a civilization that tries to be as good and benevolent as it can, both inside and outside of its (very loose) borders. It may actually be the only utopia in recent sci-fi. And it's a realistic utopia, to a certain extent; the consequences of its imperialism are sometimes quite grimdark (In fact, Banks' fiction overall, is quite grimdark, but never goes into grimderp. Some might say it's not grimdark but simply realism), and the fact that most of the stories starring the Culture take place on its borders or in other civilizations bring different point of view about this society that is, ultimately, the main character of Banks' sci-fi, a character that manages to be both extremely reasonable and sometimes ''batshit insane'' while remaining realistic and believable.

== Good reasons to live in the Culture ==
*Any form of work is now a hobby.
*You live for at least 400 years, but immortality is absolutely a thing.
*You can change sex at will (takes a few months, though).
*Every Culturnik has a gland that can synthesize any drug, without side effects or addiction of course. That also includes a very deep control over your body.
*Your ships have awesome names. Seriously. ''Mistake Not My Current State Of Joshing Gentle Peevishness For The Awesome And Terrible Majesty Of The Towering Seas Of Ire That Are Themselves The Milquetoast Shallows Fringing My Vast Oceans Of Wrath'' is one of them.
*You can do pretty much whatever you want.
*No, really.
*Of course, if you want your own planet, it'll take a while, but why not?
*You can live in simulations so complex their simulations have simulations.
*War is but history. Except when galactic wars break out. Even then...
*Even then your chances of ''actually dying'' are quite low, given the number of medical, back-up and consciousness-transferring systems the Culture has.
*Name a landscape or a place you would like to live in. One Orbital somewhere has it.
*With a bit of luck, the drone that accompanies you is not crazy.
*Name a game or a sport. It is played somewhere in the Culture. You could even become a professional Player Of Games.
*Want some action, travels and overly complicated plots? The nearest Contact recruitment office is here for you.
*Travel wherever you want.
*You live in a space utopia instead of [[Imperium of Man|this]] and you still complain?

== Why it might sometimes not be that good ==
*The Mind of your Orbital/Ship knows everything about you. Not that it cares, mind you. But still.
*Minds and Drones will always be benevolent for you. Which doesn't mean they can't troll you with style.
*Everyone can change sex at will, and it's actually a common custom for heterosexual couples to switch genders both, each parent bearing the child of the other. Thus, expect extremely complicated family and relationship issues.
*Things get boring after a while. So much that you could want to join Special Circumstances...
*Which, apart from the fact that they do not recruit people like this, is not always a good idea. You will probably end up in a situation where the Culture's plan is so complicated it would make [[Tzeentch]] jealous.
*Other races laugh at you because your ships' names lack gravitas. ''Which has become a running gag among Minds, that will try to name as many ships as they can with the word "gravitas" in the name''.
*You live in a place where there are weapons that can kill you while still making you believe you are alive. And one of the military Minds is called ''Meatfucker'' by the others, how do you think it took that nickname? (It read organic beings' minds, something that's considered deviant and taboo even among the hyper libertine Culture)
*Your personal drone is definitely crazy.
== Other civilizations ==

*The Idiran Empire - a race of tripod like reptiles that evolved on a deathworld, forcing the Idiran race to evolve into a tall, armour-plated, biologically immortal warrior race. Their religion is an odd form of racial solipsism ; only beings with souls are considered sentient, souls can only exist in an immortal body, therefore only Idirans deserve to exist. The Culture, with it's (unarguably) actually sentient Mind's and Drones, are seen as the exemplars of heresy, hence why the Idirans declared a Jihad war against them. Despite being roughly equal to the Culture technologically and having superior allies, they ultimately end up losing the war (prompting the other galactic civs to coin the term "don't fuck with the Culture") and tone down their xenophobic tendencies over the following centuries, ironically becoming more Culture like in the process.

*The Sublimed - technically not a race but are encountered by virtually every spacefaring society. The Sublimed are the end stage of almost every civilisation, representing ascension into an energy based being residing in an adjacent dimension. The technology to do so isn't actually that complicated but only a Mind level AI or sizeable planetary community can Sublime and still maintain any meaningful presence. They're effectively capable of doing anything they want but don't tend to interact with the material universe, save for seemingly random and inscrutable actions (like flinging moons at the planets of civilisations that hunt the local variety of space whale or keeping people away from memorial planets of dead civilisations with weaponized barriers of spacetime). Many civilisations have tried to enter the Sublime without subliming first. Almost all attempts result in failure and the tiny number that enter and come back aren't mentally capable of describing what it's like. The Culture is considered unusual because it's had the ability to sublime for millenia but hasn't - the Sublimed themselves consider them the equivalent of a party guest that stays a bit too long. The Culture, conversely, finds it a bit too convenient that most civilisations sublime everyone at once, implying coercion of some kind. Even when a Subliming goes well, the local galactic community have to make sure that less advanced civilisations don't make a rush for the abandoned remains of the civilisation and disrupting the local order.

*The Empire of Azad - an autocratic monarchy of humanoids based in an isolated part of the galaxy. They have made contact with other galactic civilisations but all have been technologically inferior - the Culture is the only civilisation they have encountered that are more advanced, to a ludicrous degree. Their main shtick is having three sexes (males as workers and soldiers, females as trinkets and breeders, and an "apex" sex that controls everything). The other more important feature is the game of Azad. A ludicrously complicated board-game played on football pitch sized boards, it plays like a real life version of Civilisation writ large (the specifics are left deliberately vague). The complexity of game simulates the skills needed to rule the empire, so the winner of the regular tournament becomes the Emperor. Male and Female Azadians are allowed to play, but are never allowed to get very far due to the apex sex being the only ones allowed to hold offices and having access to specialised schools and learning drugs. The Culture encounters them during a period of aggressive expansion, which isn't a positive thing as Banks intended them to be a dark reflection of parts of our own civilisations. The Culture sends a professional game-player to participate in the tournament (in an unoffical capacity), effectively acting as a proxy war between the Empire and the Culture.

*The Affront - a race of gas dwelling octopus like beings that can be best described as a cross between a jolly British colonial aristocrat and your average dark eldar. At best, they are considered to be boisterously good natured (if they become your friend, you're in for life) and monstrously sadistic at their worst (one of the first things they did when they achieved genetic engineering was to alter their females and young males to only feel terror and agony in any sexual situation, because the older more powerful males considered it more fun that way). This attitude carries over to their other race relations, with less powerful races being considered as fair game and more powerful races to be placated enough to let them keep doing terrible things. Even worse, the Affront seem to thrive on the negative attention they get from their neighbours, even changing their name to the Affront from whatever they were called originally. The Culture is put into a difficult position with them as they are too advanced to be readily manipulated and don't pose any threat to the Culture to prompt military action. This doesn't last long.

*The Chelgrians - A civilisation of five-legged cat-like predators. Their society was historically dominated by hereditary castes, with all the social issues that would imply. They're unique in that not only a part of their civilisation sublimed independently of the majority (named the Chelgrian Puen) but they also keep in regular contact with their living descendants, who universally revere them. They are also a rare example of the Culture getting things really wrong with their Special Circumstances interventions, as their attempts to dismantle the caste system from within Chelgrian society led to a devastating civil war that killed 5 billion Chelgrians. The Puen were not happy when the Culture fessed up and contrived to balance the books by destroying a Culture Orbital that contained an equal number of lives. It failed for a variety of reasons and the Culture responded by sending a Terror Weapon (a nanocloud assasin) to murder the conspirators in ways that would make a Eversor blanch.

[[category: Literature]]

The Culture

2017-07-31T22:13:30Z

2A02:C7D:CA0:8500:ADBE:1C61:B359:C32E: /* Other civilizations */

[[File:Gsv.jpg|400px|thumb|right|It's more fun in the Culture]]
''"You might call them soft, because they’re very reluctant to kill, and they might agree with you, but they’re soft the way the ocean is soft, and, well; ask any sea captain how harmless and puny the ocean can be."''
— Cheradenine Zakalwe, ''Use of Weapons''

'''The Culture''' is a series of Scifi novels by Scottish writer Iain M. Banks, about a spacefaring utopian society called 'The Culture'. The stories focus mainly on space politics, ethical dilemmas, black humor, sexuality, and despair.

However, it's relevance on /tg/ stems mainly from the fact that the universe in general is so ridiculously fucking powerful and can utterly and completely assrape nearly anything put against it.

==Overview==
The Culture is a galactic civilization which serves as the main setting for many Iain M Banks novels and short stories, the first novel in the series being ''Consider Phlebas''.

It is basically what would have happened if the humans from the [[Dark Age of Technology|Golden Age of Technology]] did not have a small problem with genocidal [[Men of Iron]]. More cynically, it is what would happen if the government of ''Brave New World'' was a galactic superpower: making sure everyone wants for nothing, but desperate for something to fill the emptiness. Well, they are a bit less extreme than that; eugenism is ''definitely not'' something the Culture would agree with, but that's the general idea.

The Culture is set in our own timeline, the stories taking place between 1300 AD and 2100 AD, Earth being contacted roughly around 2100 AD. It is the product of six or seven pan-human civilizations that decided to merge together 10,000 years ago and create what is basically a space utopia. The Culture is a post-scarcity society, where basically everything is available for free, time being the only resource to take into account. It does not have a centralized government, as it is more a society that an real state or nation. Very few written laws exist (and if you feel the need to ask what are these written laws, then ''there is clearly something wrong with you'') and people are basically allowed to do pretty much whatever they want. Now, in the novels, we do not have many details about how the Culture actually works, but, in Banks' words, it's "an ethical and cynical anarchy that tries to be a ''rather good society'', following socialist, libertarian and anarchist principles.

Well, apparently that works. The Culture is around since ten millennia, and is now considered to be one of the most powerful civilizations of the galaxy. And they aren't, contrary to many [[Tau|utopias]], hiding anything. The Culture is a ''genuine'' utopia and a very good place to live, which is actually quite rare in sci-fi in general, and modern sci-fi in particular.

Now, where is the trick?

Well, you do not attain such a level of power in the galaxy while being space hippies all the time. There is a faction/intelligence service/conspiration in the Culture called ''Contact'', which is dedicated to, well, establish contact with other civilizations. The books focus on the interaction between the Culture and said civilizations, mainly through the eyes of people that belong to ''Special Circumstances'', which is basically the Culture's CIA, mostly trying to... well, influence other civilizations to make sure they will, one day or an other, end up joining the Culture willingly. Said interactions may imply technological transfers, propaganda, up to ''starting revolutions and civil wars''. Space hippies inside, sure, but imperialist outside. The Culture is like a sponge that slowly absorbs other civilizations over the course of millennia.

Oh, and did I mention they are ''quite advanced''? And when I mean advanced, I really mean it. The Culture is ruled... ahem, benevolently oversaw by ''Minds'', that is to say extremely powerful AIs (so powerful that they dedicate only a fraction of their power to such trivial matters and spend the rest bulding virtual worlds with 12 dimensions), and in general AIs are considered as citizens of the Culture, from the biggest sentient ships (because yes, all of their ships are sentient, why did you even ask?) to the smallest drones. Aside from being sentient, their ships have hulls made of force fields, because metal is for pussies anyway, can reach 230,000 times the speed of light and the biggest ones measure in hundreds of kilometers and can carry entire ecosystems, with billions of people on board. Oh and the Culture does not live on planets, because that's absolutely ''inelegant'', so they use Orbitals, that are basically Halo-style ringworlds scattered across the galaxy. Did I mention that the average Culturnik may live for 400 years, and technically reach immortality even if it is not considered as fun, and thus not really popular? ''And in one novel, a ship save the life of a beheaded man by simply teleporting the severed head back and creating a new body from scratch''.

Last but not least, the Culture are ''peaceful'' and not ''pacifist''. Which means that, contrary to [[Ork|certain]] [[Imperium of Man|people]], they won't invade you without a reason, but if you fuck with the Culture, they ''can'' and most certainly ''will'' obliterate you. The base weapon of their military ships is "gridfire", which basically amounts to [[Awesome|''using the fabric of space and time as a weapon'']] (That actually says a lot about Banks' universe, considering that the Culture is not, although in the top ten, most advanced race in the setting). Actually, the first novel, ''Consider Phlebas'' features a galactic war between the Culture and an other race called the Idirans, and after a few years of being crushed, the Culture who finally started mobilizing simply steamrolls and utterly annihilate its foe. So while hippies they may be, there is one axiom that you should not forget "Don't Fuck with the Culture".

== Why the hell is that interesting? ==
Because it's a rather original take on the human galactic society theme; the socialist/libertarian/anarchist utopia. Banks called the Culture a ''rather good'' society, and it's exactly what it is; a civilization that tries to be as good and benevolent as it can, both inside and outside of its (very loose) borders. It may actually be the only utopia in recent sci-fi. And it's a realistic utopia, to a certain extent; the consequences of its imperialism are sometimes quite grimdark (In fact, Banks' fiction overall, is quite grimdark, but never goes into grimderp. Some might say it's not grimdark but simply realism), and the fact that most of the stories starring the Culture take place on its borders or in other civilizations bring different point of view about this society that is, ultimately, the main character of Banks' sci-fi, a character that manages to be both extremely reasonable and sometimes ''batshit insane'' while remaining realistic and believable.

== Good reasons to live in the Culture ==
*Any form of work is now a hobby.
*You live for at least 400 years, but immortality is absolutely a thing.
*You can change sex at will (takes a few months, though).
*Every Culturnik has a gland that can synthesize any drug, without side effects or addiction of course. That also includes a very deep control over your body.
*Your ships have awesome names. Seriously. ''Mistake Not My Current State Of Joshing Gentle Peevishness For The Awesome And Terrible Majesty Of The Towering Seas Of Ire That Are Themselves The Milquetoast Shallows Fringing My Vast Oceans Of Wrath'' is one of them.
*You can do pretty much whatever you want.
*No, really.
*Of course, if you want your own planet, it'll take a while, but why not?
*You can live in simulations so complex their simulations have simulations.
*War is but history. Except when galactic wars break out. Even then...
*Even then your chances of ''actually dying'' are quite low, given the number of medical, back-up and consciousness-transferring systems the Culture has.
*Name a landscape or a place you would like to live in. One Orbital somewhere has it.
*With a bit of luck, the drone that accompanies you is not crazy.
*Name a game or a sport. It is played somewhere in the Culture. You could even become a professional Player Of Games.
*Want some action, travels and overly complicated plots? The nearest Contact recruitment office is here for you.
*Travel wherever you want.
*You live in a space utopia instead of [[Imperium of Man|this]] and you still complain?

== Why it might sometimes not be that good ==
*The Mind of your Orbital/Ship knows everything about you. Not that it cares, mind you. But still.
*Minds and Drones will always be benevolent for you. Which doesn't mean they can't troll you with style.
*Everyone can change sex at will, and it's actually a common custom for heterosexual couples to switch genders both, each parent bearing the child of the other. Thus, expect extremely complicated family and relationship issues.
*Things get boring after a while. So much that you could want to join Special Circumstances...
*Which, apart from the fact that they do not recruit people like this, is not always a good idea. You will probably end up in a situation where the Culture's plan is so complicated it would make [[Tzeentch]] jealous.
*Other races laugh at you because your ships' names lack gravitas. ''Which has become a running gag among Minds, that will try to name as many ships as they can with the word "gravitas" in the name''.
*You live in a place where there are weapons that can kill you while still making you believe you are alive. And one of the military Minds is called ''Meatfucker'' by the others, how do you think it took that nickname? (It read organic beings' minds, something that's considered deviant and taboo even among the hyper libertine Culture)
*Your personal drone is definitely crazy.
== Other civilizations ==

*The Idiran Empire - a race of tripod like reptiles that evolved on a deathworld, forcing the Idiran race to evolve into a tall, armour-plated, biologically immortal warrior race. Their religion is an odd form of racial solipsism ; only beings with souls are considered sentient, souls can only exist in an immortal body, therefore only Idirans deserve to exist. The Culture, with it's (unarguably) actually sentient Mind's and Drones, are seen as the exemplars of heresy, hence why the Idirans declared a Jihad war against them. Despite being roughly equal to the Culture technologically and having superior allies, they ultimately end up losing the war (prompting the other galactic civs to coin the term "don't fuck with the Culture") and tone down their xenophobic tendencies over the following centuries, ironically becoming more Culture like in the process.

*The Sublimed - technically not a race but are encountered by virtually every spacefaring society. The Sublimed are the end stage of almost every civilisation, representing ascension into an energy based being residing in an adjacent dimension. The technology to do so isn't actually that complicated but only a Mind level AI or sizeable planetary community can Sublime and still maintain any meaningful presence. They're effectively capable of doing anything they want but don't tend to interact with the material universe, save for seemingly random and inscrutable actions (like flinging moons at the planets of civilisations that hunt the local variety of space whale or keeping people away from memorial planets of dead civilisations with weaponized barriers of spacetime). Many civilisations have tried to enter the Sublime without subliming first. Almost all attempts result in failure and the tiny number that enter and come back aren't mentally capable of describing what it's like. The Culture is considered unusual because it's had the ability to sublime for millenia but hasn't - the Sublimed themselves consider them the equivalent of a party guest that stays a bit too long. The Culture, conversely, finds it a bit too convenient that most civilisations sublime everyone at once, implying coercion of some kind. Even when a Subliming goes well, the local galactic community have to make sure that less advanced civilisations don't make a rush for the abandoned remains of the civilisation and disrupting the local order.

*The Empire of Azad - an autocratic monarchy of humanoids based in an isolated part of the galaxy. They have made contact with other galactic civilisations but all have been technologically inferior - the Culture is the only civilisation they have encountered that are more advanced, to a ludicrous degree. Their main shtick is having three sexes (males as workers and soldiers, females as trinkets and breeders, and an "apex" sex that controls everything). The other more important feature is the game of Azad. A ludicrously complicated board-game played on football pitch sized boards, it plays like a real life version of Civilisation writ large (the specifics are left deliberately vague). The complexity of game simulates the skills needed to rule the empire, so the winner of the regular tournament becomes the Emperor. Male and Female Azadians are allowed to play, but are never allowed to get very far due to the apex sex being the only ones allowed to hold offices and having access to specialised schools and learning drugs. The Culture encounters them during a period of aggressive expansion, which isn't a positive thing as Banks intended them to be a dark reflection of parts of our own civilisations. The Culture sends a professional game-player to participate in the tournament (in an unoffical capacity), effectively acting as a proxy war between the Empire and the Culture.

*The Affront - a race of gas dwelling octopus like beings that can be best described as a cross between a jolly British colonial aristocrat and your average dark eldar. At best, they are considered to be boisterously good natured (if they become your friend, you're in for life) and monstrously sadistic at their worst (one of the first things they did when they achieved genetic engineering was to alter their females and young males to only feel terror and agony in any sexual situation, because the older more powerful males considered it more fun that way). This attitude carries over to their other race relations, with less powerful races being considered as fair game and more powerful races to be placated enough to let them keep doing terrible things. Even worse, the Affront seem to thrive on the negative attention they get from their neighbours, even changing their name to the Affront from whatever they were called originally. The Culture is put into a difficult position with them as they are too advanced to be readily manipulated and don't pose any threat to the Culture to prompt military action. This doesn't last long.

*The Chelgrians - A civilisation of five-legged cat-like predators. Their society was historically dominated by hereditary castes, with all the social issues that would imply. They're unique in that not only a part of their civilisation sublimed independently of the majority (named the Chelgrian Puen) but they also keep in regular contact with their living descendants, who universally revere them. They are also a rare example of the Culture getting things really wrong with their Special Circumstances interventions, as their attempts to dismantle the caste system from within Chelgrian society led to a devastating civil war that killed 5 billion Chelgrians. The Puen were not happy when the Culture fessed up and contrived to balance the books by destroying a Culture Orbital that contained an equal number of lives. It failed for a variety of reasons and the Culture responded by sending a Terror Weapon (a nanocloud assasin) to murder the conspirators in ways that would make a Eversor blanch.

[[category: Literature]]