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Asmodai

2020-07-21T20:58:16Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD:

[[File:Asmodai.jpg|thumb|right|500px|Pretty badass though.]]
{{Topquote|REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!|Asmodai, If The Emperor Had A TTS Device (Episode 20)}}
{{Topquote|WHAT. BOOK. FALLEN. REPEEENT!|Asmodai, TTS episode 28}}
'''Asmodai''' is the [[Interrogator-Chaplain|Master of Repentance]] of the [[Dark Angels]]. He is the oldest and most experienced of the Interrogator-Chaplains, and also the most obsessed with <s>hunting down the [[Fallen Angels|Fallen]] and making them repent.</s> SHOWING HIS INTENSE BURNING LOYALTY TO THE GOD EMPEROR. He's also known for failing at least twice for every success, and causing so many problems for the Dark Angels you have to wonder why he hasn't [[blam|met his end in glorious battle]] yet.

He is NOT the Grand Master of Chapter's [[Chaplain]]s however; that position belongs to '''Sapphon''', though [[Derp|he's not as famous]] as Asmodai. NOR is Asmodai the greatest of his craft; that honour belongs to '''Molochia''', who made ten [[Fallen Angels|heretics]] repent instead of Asmodai's [[FAIL|paltry two]]. So Asmodai is pretty much only known for being one of the [[Angry Marines|angriest fuckers]] within his Chapter, his rage fueled by his self-loathing at being perhaps the worst Interrogator-Chaplain the Dark Angels have ever had.

==Biography==
{{Topquote|Better that 50 million innocents perish than one single Traitor escape retribution!|The man himself, in an official GW publication.}}
[[File:Praise his name.png|200px|thumb|left|Asmodai is always encouraging those around him. [[Kharn|What a swell guy]].]]
Starting as a no-name [[What|'''tactical''']] marine in the [[Derp|'''eighth''']] company ''(that's what the book says, but the 8th company are '''Assault''' marines)'' Asmodai was a fairly unremarkable soldier. Deployed to pacify a whole hive turned traitor, his Sergeant, recognizing that a billion cultists could eventually overpower their group, opted for a decapitation strike on the rebellion high command (though he could have recognized this before losing 2/3rds of his company). They pushed through hordes of 12 year old combatants and hastily assembled <s>[[Killa_Kan]]</s> heavy lifters with strapped on armor plating. Then Asmodai fucked up when they breached the inner command sanctum, meeting his first [[Fallen Angels|<s>Fallen</s> Unrelated Traitor]] Malvine Rhemell. He'd had experience fighting traitor marines, not those his chapter built their entire identity around fighting. Rhemell made minced meat of Asmodai's sergeant and incapacitated Asmodai, letting him live so he could reflect on the total failure of a marine he was. Man even mockingly saluted him. This defeat proved to be so traumatizing that he still gets flashbacks to this secret cause of all his [[RAGE]]. Given that there was no-one else to explain the situation to, Asmodai was taught the secrets of the chapter and was offered a position in the [[Ravenwing]] or the [[Deathwing]]. He chose neither and declared he would be a [[Chaplain]] instead, vowing that no other Fallen would ever escape him.

He captured his first Fallen in '''411.M41''', but failed to make him repent when the Fallen [[FAIL|died without confessing]], which meant right off the bat he sucked at his job. This obviously caused Asmodai to enter deeper levels of [[RAGE]] and then started going to unhealthy lengths to capture more to slake his angry streak. With renewed vigour, Asmodai caught three more Fallen over the next 25 years, but still managed to kill each of them before they could repent. Normal people would have taken this as a sign that their chosen profession was not for them, but Asmodai was no normal man. So the Inner Circle decided to give him one they'd caught earlier before Asmodai exploded with [[RAGE|pent-up frustrations]]. Asmodai broke this one in one single eighteen day session of [[Anal Circumference|physical]] and [[Rebecca Black|mental]] torture. When Asmodai emerged from that cell smoking a cigarette, he had earned his first black pearl and he '''smiled for the first time.'''

Rather than allow him to calm the fuck down, his first success only made his obsession grow and it bled into the other aspects of his life as a [[Space Marine]] so bad, he's basically become the "fun police" of the 41st millennium. The Dark Angels only realized how hard shit had hit the fan when Asmodai bombarded an [[Imperial]] [[Hive|city]] to flush out a single Fallen. [[Azrael]], who saw his PR rating plummet down, politely inquired whether this wasn't a bit much. See the quote above for Asmodai's answer.

Now, this was just too crazy, even for Dark Angels, so Azrael had his command privileges revoked and transferred him to the 10th company so he could learn humility and a bit of temperance. However, not six months later the Master of Recruits came to Azrael sobbing and begging to get that absolute madman away from him: when a bunch of recruits didn't answer his questions as enthusiastically as he liked, Asmodai ordered them all killed because he thought their [[gene-seed]] might be contaminated by '''[[What|"tardiness"]].''' And it didn't stop there. When he heard someone from the Seventh Company laughing while inside [[the Rock]], he had the entire Company sworn to silence except for hymns and communicating in battle for one standard year. He doesn't actually have the authority to do any of those things, though, at least not without Azrael's approval (which he won't get). But he just tends to [[Railroading|threaten the officer]] in charge when he [[Butthurt|doesn't get his way]], and the cowardly fucks are so scared shitless of the crazed loony that they actually obey! (Besides, a vow of silence covers speech. [[FAIL|Laughing is not speaking]].)
[[File:No fun zone.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Asmodai laying down the law.]]
Unfortunately this zeal to track down Fallen has led his chapter into some big troubles, like when he countermanded a Captain's orders and diverted a Dark Angels strike force from their position fighting Orks to investigate rumours of a "remarkable warrior". It turned out that the warrior was in fact an [[Inquisitor]] of the Ordos Xenos, and the Dark Angels unauthorised repositioning cost the allied [[Silver Skulls]] most of their army. Not only that, but the Inquisitor returned to the Silver Skulls homeworld to explain exactly what happened and demanded assistance in punishing the Dark Angels for their behaviour. Wisely ''(and partly for fear of going head-to-head with the Unforgiven)'' the Silver Skulls [[Chapter Master]] instead requested that [[Azrael]] come and explain himself personally, so Azrael had to set aside his duties for a time to go and apologise for what happened. During that time Asmodai was grounded under lock and key until the Supreme Grand Master got home to decide what to do with him. When Azrael returned to [[the Rock]] and asked if Asmodai was sorry yet, Asmodai responded that he was sorry he didn't kill the Inquisitor when he had the chance.

At some point, Asmodai was passed up for promotion to High Chaplain, despite his seniority in age and the respect/fear he has earned within his Chapter. The position instead went to the much younger and more conservative '''Sapphon''' (who is secretly not conservative at all and is tasked with the curse of being the Chapter's most radical, unorthodox member). Asmodai openly states this was a bad idea, since he sees Sapphon as weak and indulgent, making Asmodai a hypocrite as that describes himself to a T. In comparison, Sapphon ''(and most of the other Inner Circle Masters, and probably just about everyone else)'' see Asmodai as psychologically unstable and a destabilizing influence on others. This is in spite of the fact that Sapphon has had multiple black pearls on his [[Rosarius|rosarius]] (and thus multiple confessed heretics) compared to Asmodai's measly two.

[[Azrael]] has had to rein him in or cover up for some of his more excessive actions, but despite everything he keeps Asmodai around because, say what you will about his sense of humour (or lack of it), the writers like him. If there's a Fallen Angel (or even someone who might know something about a Fallen Angel) out there, he will probably track it down, and then probably kill him instead of making him repent. Give him a job (preferably the killing of some heretics) and he'll get it done, usually with too much collateral damage because he's too lazy to do things properly, and then Azrael will have to cover up for whatever major fuckups ensue.

Asmodai is the chapter's rabid attack dog, but his zeal and commitment prove to be infectious to those that follow him into battle and the inner circle are very wary that he may end up pushing the lower ranks in a less-than-desirable direction which is why the level-headed Sapphon was given the top job instead; they realize that if Asmodai was ever to gain a position of higher rank then it could only mean trouble for the chapter. HOWEVER, what this really means is that Asmodai is a case of [[That Guy]] to the extreme: bad at his job, takes his rage out on the accused (not even convicted) marines, attacks others who ARE doing their jobs well out of his inferiority complex, willingly loses battles and men that take decades to replace because of his obsession with the job he's bad at and then he sucks up as hard as he can to make sure that nobody higher up sees fit to replace this walking sack of dereliction of duty. If Robot G-man is anything like his "meritocracy first" speeches proclaim, his first action will be to march right up to this company and punt Asmodai right to the nearest chaos stronghold, if only so he can do Abaddon a favor and make him look like Creed by comparison.

The Inner Circle are very much aware that Asmodai is a mad man straining at the leash but his zealous hatred is usually pointed towards the enemies of the Imperium (whenever it doesn't have to go through the Imperium itself), so they simply need to point in the general direction of the enemy and shout '''"Asmodai I can see one over there!"''' and then smile in satisfaction as the enemy promptly empty their collective bowels as Asmodai turns his violent attention their way.

Asmodai himself is very much aware that he is mad, during “The legacy of Caliban trilogy” a city-sized Daemon tried to get inside his head and attempted to corrupt him. Asmodai’s inner thoughts can be summed up as '''“Am I Mad?... WHO FUCKING CARES, TIME TO KILL ME SOME TRAITORS!”''' and using the power of [[rage]] he banishes the Daemon from his mind and then charges into an army of poor lesser Daemons and butchers everything that he can get his hands on.

It is interesting that despite his long service and obsession he has only able to make TWO Fallen repent and apparently [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=19m55s killed many more by "accident"], implying that he's really just a sadistic asshole. On the other hand, it is also quite hard to make a Fallen truly repent to start with, but this doesn't excuse his paltry two successes seeing as how he's literally their oldest chaplain, and the fact that he's twice as likely to kill Fallen by accident than to make them repent. Why the Dark Angels keep giving Fallen to quite possibly the worst Interrogator-Chaplain to ever hold the title (their main goal is to get them to repent, killing them does not do that) is purely because of author bias.

Incidentally his preferred tool of interrogation is a torture weapon called "the Blades of Reason", maybe he chose it out of a sense of irony.

Speaking of irony, Asmodai is named after a daemon king of lust in Christian mythology, so while WH40K Asmodai is busy fun-policing the galaxy, daemon Asmodai is conversely busy living it up [[Slaanesh|Slaaneshi]]-style. Interestingly the name itself comes from Avestan "Aeshma Daeva" meaning [[Skarbrand|"wrath demon"]], which is quite an accurate description for this raging retard.

==Tabletop==
[[File: Asmodai-would_like_a_word.jpg|500px|right|thumb|YOU! YES YOU! STOP WITH THE DARK ANGELS TRAITOR MEME MOTHERFUCKER!]]

DID SOMEONE JUST SAY MURDER ANYONE VIOLENTLY?

Asmodai made a semi-welcome return to the tabletops in the 6th Edition codex with new rules and a new model. Sadly the DA's 7th Edition codex didn't make him any more useful, or viable. His page is actually right across from the generic Interrogator Chaplain, making it very easy to see how useless he is in comparison.

He is a WS6 interrogator chaplain with no upgrades, except for his trademark "Blades of Reason", which is a no-frills close combat weapon with the '''Instant Death''' rule (kind of makes you wonder why he keeps failing at torture)... he also scores +D3 victory points if he slays the enemy warlord in a challenge. Despite his WS boost and instant death capability, he will likely find this difficult (to say the least) to achieve.

Being an Interrogator Chaplain he causes ''Fear'' which doesn't help him so much, since his WS is high enough that he hits most of those things susceptible to Fear on 3+ anyway and dropping those things from 4+ odds to 5+ odds when they hit back is not something to be jumping for joy over.
Neither is an instant death weapon that has no bonuses to-wound nor any AP value; if you get REALLY lucky you might insta-gib a monstrous creature by rolling a 6 to-wound and it failing its save, but you're still probably better with the more reliable Crozius against those anyway, while you were always insta-gibbing humans/tau/eldar with anyway...

Unfortunately, like the Dark Angels themselves, you are much better served taking a tooled up nameless Interrogator Chaplain in your force and ditching Asmodai, which is rather fitting considering his fluff. Taking someone good at their job is often better than taking someone who is zealously terrible at it.

===8th edition===
He got leaked early, and first impressions are... looking a little better, but not enough to fix the fundamental problem with him: you're still better off taking a normal Interrogator-Chaplain. His Blades of Reason are still S-user AP-nil, but under the new Damage characteristics they deal D6 damage compared to his Crozius's damage of 2, and with most models in the game having more wounds this isn't a risk worth taking. He's still an Interrogator Chaplain statwise (that is, under their new statblock, so he has 5 wounds and an impressive WS 2+) so he also has "all Dark Angels within 6 inches re-roll failed to-hit in melee" and "all enemies within 6 inches have -1 Ld", plus his own personal ""all Dark Angels within 6 inches have +1 attack". The problem is, he's expensive, 130 (After Price Drop) points (or Power Rating 8) to a normal Interrogator's 90 (Power Rating 7) and doesn't have the option to buy a power fist.

'''2nd Opinion:''' Take him, a Deathwing Ancient with TH+SS, and as many deathwing knights as you can fit. There's nothing in the rules or indexes stating +1A buffs do not stack, so Asmodai and the ancient (while powerful choices in their own right) turn deathwing knights into something that would make Slaanesh blush. Hitting 4 times (sergeant 5 times) on 3's, rerolling failed hits, S8, -2 AP (-3 for Sergeant) 3 damage each (2 for Sergeant but the wounds carry to different models). Charge these avatars of death into TEQ and watch your opponent cry.

{{Marines-Characters}}

[[Category:Dark Angels]]

Goge Vandire

2020-07-21T20:55:29Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD: /* Ruler of the Imperium */

[[Image:Goge Vandire.jpg|400px|right|thumb|If Stalin became the Pope.]]
{{topquote|'''Oderint, dum metuant!''' (Let them hate me, so long as they fear me!)|Caligula}}
{{topquote|That name just screams "I will take your eye sockets, and put my d*ck in them|The Emprah}}
That's right, his name is Goge Vandire. [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|'''G-O-G-E''' Vandire.]] How much eviler can a name get?

'''Goge Vandire''' is a jackass who took control of the Imperium during the [[Age of Apostasy]], holding the positions of [[Ecclesiarchy|Ecclesiarch]] and [[High Lords of Terra|Head of the Administratum]] which is the Imperium version of the pope, at the same time, starting the '''Reign of Blood'''. If the Imperium is space Rome, this guy is Caligula, Nero, and Commodus all in one nutty sci-fi package. He was paranoid even by Imperial standards, and his reign saw the murder of many, many civilians. Surveillance servo-skulls on every street corner, random purges for imagined slights, this guy makes Joseph Stalin look friendly and fair-minded. Took a shitload of spes muhreens to take on the dipshit, and even then he only died because his [[Sisters of Battle|female bodyguards]] (who may or may not have been his sex slaves as well; some evil dictators in real-life have done that) finally realized he was an asshole and cut off his head, possibly by order of [[The Emperor]] himself. At least he left behind some epic last words of '''''"I don't have time to die; I'm too busy"''''' which probably was adapted into some nice comedy movies for the Imperial citizenry. A good example of how no matter how bad the Imperium gets, it could always be worse. What a cunt.

Speaking of cunts, the Captain-General has the Emperor’s level of authority when the Emperor is incapacitated or at least does not contradict him. Interesting how he didn’t do shit about this horrorfest until the very end.

==Reign of Blood==
Even before taking power (well, even more power), Vandire got his way to becoming '''Master of the Administratum''' by back-stabbing, bribery and assassination.

When the current Ecclesiarch died, he managed to wrangle his own choice of Ecclesiarch into the grimdark Vatican, who ended up being the weakest guy to ever serve in the role. Thus when confidence in the church started to plummet he actually had a case for storming the palace, where ''apparently'' the space-pope was involved in some sort of debauchery that would put even the [[Slaanesh|Borgias]] to shame. So he pronounced the Ecclesiarch guilty and took the job himself - what a hero! What isn't explained is how he could become Ecclesiarch if he isn't a member of the Ministorum in the first place. Like usual GW just sort of brushes off the impossible details no one else in the Imperial Senate or the Ecclesiarchy would tolerate. Also something about {{BLAM}} (he was the Master of the Administratum, after all) and having a disgruntled high-rank [[Callidus]] assassin wanting to become Grandmaster on his side to do a lot of discreet dirty work for him in exchange of looking the other way when he organised his own coup.

===Ruler of the Imperium===
Absolute power corrupts absolutely, especially when the guy claiming the power was corrupt already.

Vandire went insane with power, and started claiming that he spoke with the voice of the [[Emperor]] himself, basically a "whatever I say, goes" and started getting clerks to write down whatever he said at all times.

He got himself a holographic map of the galaxy and started pointing at it and issuing crazy edicts:
*[[Derp|Purging all gingers from some worlds populations (no, we're not kidding).]]
*[[What|People from some worlds were forbidden from looking at the sky.]]
*[[Exterminatus|Virus Bombing some planets with gene-viruses to eliminate imagined mutations.]]
*[[TTS|Taking your eye sockets, and placing his d*ck in them]]
*[[Slaanesh|Enslaving all female children below 12 years old.]]
*[[1984|Setting up Servo-Skulls everywhere to record citizens movements and conversations.]]
*[[Fail|Deciding that some worlds need their ice caps melted.]]
*[[That guy|Building effigies of himself hundreds of metres tall.]] [[heresy|Some of which were bigger than the statues of the Emperor next to them.]]

===Daughters of the Emperor===
When he found the world of '''San Leor''' he found a convent of holy sisters called the '''"Daughters of the Emperor"'''. On his arrival his retainers said to the population that they had to throw him the biggest party EVAR on pain of death. So when he paraded down the streets he was met by the flower petals, incense and crowds singing praises to him (at gunpoint) all caught on pictcast for the rest of the galaxy to see.

When he got to the gate of the convent, they said something along the lines of ''"No Man May Enter Here"'' and half the Imperium expected another dead world. But Vandire stayed calm for once and convinced the ladies to let him over the threshold where he would "prove" himself blessed by the Emperor; mostly by brandishing his [[Rosarius]] and saying "shoot me" since very few people on that backwater planet will have ever seen a [[Rosarius]] before.

Thus he got himself a fanatical army of sexy bolter babes and named them the '''"Brides of the Emperor"'''

He also used the Brides of the Emperor for "singing, dancing, and other more '''''exotic''''' skills". So in addition to dictator and space-pope, his job description becomes all the more venerable with the addition <s>"Pimp of the Imperium."</s>{{BLAM}} {{BLAM|The Emprah is the only pimp of the Imperium!}}

===The End===
He ruled for 70 years, up until [[Sebastian Thor]] showed up. To make a [[Age of Apostasy|long story]] short, everyone from the Space marines to the Custodes was seriously fed up with Vandire's shit and invaded Terra. Vandire quickly ducked into a bunker and left it to the Brides to defend him. To their credit, the Brides were damn good at what they did, dragging Thor's forces in a grueling stalemate, forcing Thor to go with Plan B. The Custodes used their knowledge of Terra's secret passages to sneak behind the Brides' lines, but rather than kill Vandire themselves they talked with the six leaders of the Brides, most famously Alicia Dominica, and convinced them to talk with the Emperor himself instead of the deluded so-called reincarnation. You can guess how that went, and Dominica ordered her sisters to throw down their arms and let Thor's forces in while she confronted Vandire herself.

In his final moments Vandire looked as pathetic on the outside as he had always been on the inside: a cranky twitchy old man frantically scrabbling inane orders on balled-up pieces of paper and not even paying attention to the people about to {{BLAM}} him. His last words were said to be: "I don't have time to die! I'm too busy!" In honor of finally killing this guy, the Brides were reformed into the [[Sisters of Battle]].

He was a [[that guy|huge dick]] [[Rocks fall, everyone dies|and got what he had coming]]. The end. Fuck him.

{{Sororitas-Characters}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Imperial]]
[[Category:Heresy]]

Goge Vandire

2020-07-21T20:52:51Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD:

[[Image:Goge Vandire.jpg|400px|right|thumb|If Stalin became the Pope.]]
{{topquote|'''Oderint, dum metuant!''' (Let them hate me, so long as they fear me!)|Caligula}}
{{topquote|That name just screams "I will take your eye sockets, and put my d*ck in them|The Emprah}}
That's right, his name is Goge Vandire. [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|'''G-O-G-E''' Vandire.]] How much eviler can a name get?

'''Goge Vandire''' is a jackass who took control of the Imperium during the [[Age of Apostasy]], holding the positions of [[Ecclesiarchy|Ecclesiarch]] and [[High Lords of Terra|Head of the Administratum]] which is the Imperium version of the pope, at the same time, starting the '''Reign of Blood'''. If the Imperium is space Rome, this guy is Caligula, Nero, and Commodus all in one nutty sci-fi package. He was paranoid even by Imperial standards, and his reign saw the murder of many, many civilians. Surveillance servo-skulls on every street corner, random purges for imagined slights, this guy makes Joseph Stalin look friendly and fair-minded. Took a shitload of spes muhreens to take on the dipshit, and even then he only died because his [[Sisters of Battle|female bodyguards]] (who may or may not have been his sex slaves as well; some evil dictators in real-life have done that) finally realized he was an asshole and cut off his head, possibly by order of [[The Emperor]] himself. At least he left behind some epic last words of '''''"I don't have time to die; I'm too busy"''''' which probably was adapted into some nice comedy movies for the Imperial citizenry. A good example of how no matter how bad the Imperium gets, it could always be worse. What a cunt.

Speaking of cunts, the Captain-General has the Emperor’s level of authority when the Emperor is incapacitated or at least does not contradict him. Interesting how he didn’t do shit about this horrorfest until the very end.

==Reign of Blood==
Even before taking power (well, even more power), Vandire got his way to becoming '''Master of the Administratum''' by back-stabbing, bribery and assassination.

When the current Ecclesiarch died, he managed to wrangle his own choice of Ecclesiarch into the grimdark Vatican, who ended up being the weakest guy to ever serve in the role. Thus when confidence in the church started to plummet he actually had a case for storming the palace, where ''apparently'' the space-pope was involved in some sort of debauchery that would put even the [[Slaanesh|Borgias]] to shame. So he pronounced the Ecclesiarch guilty and took the job himself - what a hero! What isn't explained is how he could become Ecclesiarch if he isn't a member of the Ministorum in the first place. Like usual GW just sort of brushes off the impossible details no one else in the Imperial Senate or the Ecclesiarchy would tolerate. Also something about {{BLAM}} (he was the Master of the Administratum, after all) and having a disgruntled high-rank [[Callidus]] assassin wanting to become Grandmaster on his side to do a lot of discreet dirty work for him in exchange of looking the other way when he organised his own coup.

===Ruler of the Imperium===
Absolute power corrupts absolutely, especially when the guy claiming the power was corrupt already.

Vandire went insane with power, and started claiming that he spoke with the voice of the [[Emperor]] himself, basically a "whatever I say, goes" and started getting clerks to write down whatever he said at all times.

He got himself a holographic map of the galaxy and started pointing at it and issuing crazy edicts:
*[[Derp|Purging all gingers from some worlds populations (no, we're not kidding).]]
*[[What|People from some worlds were forbidden from looking at the sky.]]
*[[Exterminatus|Virus Bombing some planets with gene-viruses to eliminate imagined mutations.]]
*[[Slaanesh|Enslaving all female children below 12 years old.]]
*[[1984|Setting up Servo-Skulls everywhere to record citizens movements and conversations.]]
*[[Fail|Deciding that some worlds need their ice caps melted.]]
*[[That guy|Building effigies of himself hundreds of metres tall.]] [[heresy|Some of which were bigger than the statues of the Emperor next to them.]]

===Daughters of the Emperor===
When he found the world of '''San Leor''' he found a convent of holy sisters called the '''"Daughters of the Emperor"'''. On his arrival his retainers said to the population that they had to throw him the biggest party EVAR on pain of death. So when he paraded down the streets he was met by the flower petals, incense and crowds singing praises to him (at gunpoint) all caught on pictcast for the rest of the galaxy to see.

When he got to the gate of the convent, they said something along the lines of ''"No Man May Enter Here"'' and half the Imperium expected another dead world. But Vandire stayed calm for once and convinced the ladies to let him over the threshold where he would "prove" himself blessed by the Emperor; mostly by brandishing his [[Rosarius]] and saying "shoot me" since very few people on that backwater planet will have ever seen a [[Rosarius]] before.

Thus he got himself a fanatical army of sexy bolter babes and named them the '''"Brides of the Emperor"'''

He also used the Brides of the Emperor for "singing, dancing, and other more '''''exotic''''' skills". So in addition to dictator and space-pope, his job description becomes all the more venerable with the addition <s>"Pimp of the Imperium."</s>{{BLAM}} {{BLAM|The Emprah is the only pimp of the Imperium!}}

===The End===
He ruled for 70 years, up until [[Sebastian Thor]] showed up. To make a [[Age of Apostasy|long story]] short, everyone from the Space marines to the Custodes was seriously fed up with Vandire's shit and invaded Terra. Vandire quickly ducked into a bunker and left it to the Brides to defend him. To their credit, the Brides were damn good at what they did, dragging Thor's forces in a grueling stalemate, forcing Thor to go with Plan B. The Custodes used their knowledge of Terra's secret passages to sneak behind the Brides' lines, but rather than kill Vandire themselves they talked with the six leaders of the Brides, most famously Alicia Dominica, and convinced them to talk with the Emperor himself instead of the deluded so-called reincarnation. You can guess how that went, and Dominica ordered her sisters to throw down their arms and let Thor's forces in while she confronted Vandire herself.

In his final moments Vandire looked as pathetic on the outside as he had always been on the inside: a cranky twitchy old man frantically scrabbling inane orders on balled-up pieces of paper and not even paying attention to the people about to {{BLAM}} him. His last words were said to be: "I don't have time to die! I'm too busy!" In honor of finally killing this guy, the Brides were reformed into the [[Sisters of Battle]].

He was a [[that guy|huge dick]] [[Rocks fall, everyone dies|and got what he had coming]]. The end. Fuck him.

{{Sororitas-Characters}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Imperial]]
[[Category:Heresy]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2020-07-21T20:47:16Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD:

{{awesome}}
<div style="text-align:left;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear!
- The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>
[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Conquering the galaxy is one thing, but He was so powerful He never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it. <s>At least until the whole 'Horus' thing, anyway.</s> {{BLAM}}]]
{{Topquote|Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please.|Niccoló Machiavelli}}
{{Topquote|The Emperor loves no one man. He cannot afford affection - that is the honest practical for the impossible task that faces the Master of Mankind. He did not love His sons, He does not love men, but He does love mankind.|[[Roboute Guilliman]]}}
{{Topquote|Well, ze Emperor's just zis guy, you know?|Gag Halfrunt}}

'''{{Blam|ALL HAIL THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MANKIND!!!}}'''

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big Daddy Emps''', '''The Motherfucking Emperor''', '''Big E''', '''Mr. Xeno Destroyer''', '''Chaos Fister''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Deus-Imperator''', '''Him Upon the Throne, '''Primogenitor''', '''[[Salamanders|The Outlander]]''', '''[[Imperial Fists|Him on Earth]]''', '''[[Space Wolves|All-Father]]''', '''[[Space Sharks|Rangu]]''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''The Immortal Emperor''', '''The Golden King''', '''[[Adeptus Mechanicus|The Omnissiah]]''', '''The Cartomancer''', '''The Empinator''', '''The Fresh Emperor of Sacred Terra''','''That guy with the bigger gun than you''', '''Space Jesus''', '''[[/tg/|/tg/]]''', [[TTS|'''The Man-Emperor of Mankind''']], '''Glorious Overlord''', '''Lord of Bling''', [[TTS|'''My Manly Man-peror''']], '''Lord Sovereign of the Imperium''', [[TTS|'''Starman''']], ''' The King of Terra''' or if you are of [[Heresy|different inclinations]], called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Corpse Emperor''', '''That Twat with the Chair''', '''Space Hitler''',
'''[[If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device|That Loony Shaman-Chassis]]''', '''[[Tyranid|giant crunchy psychic sandwich]]''', '''[https://youtu.be/zlRbWLgLHg8?t=1338 Jimmy Space, creator of the Space Marines]''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the almost-but-not-entirely-figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe. He has been enthroned on (or rather in) a life-sustaining device known as the Golden Throne for the last ten millenia and is nigh-on unable to communicate or influence things directly, so day-to-day ruling is done without (and too often in spite of) Him. But on the other hand He is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|hope]] for Humanity as faith in him is the only [[fluff]]-wise way humans can counter the insidious whispers of [[Chaos Gods|Ruin]], and the treacherous ways of the [[Xenos]]. Besides that, Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]] (and on the [[Navigator|Paternova]]).

The [[Administratum]] He ordered to be established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's [[Malcador|proper guidance]] is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior [[Commissar|yells]] at you, is treason and [[heresy]], typically punished by [[Blam|euthanasia]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 [[Primarchs]], who viewed him as their "father". However, thanks to a lot of retcons he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium, He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep],[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGZ97TiFGGg stentorian voice]. Though [[/v/|many]] also would expect him to speak more like another [[Kane|immortal who wishes to guide humanity to the path of Ascension, who may as well be one of his past guises.]] Clearly the cult of the extragalactic alien self replicating space rock thing didn't work out in the end so he had to try [[Grimdark|another approach]]. It would explain why he's so fond of impractically large tanks, walkers, mecha, incredibly unaerodynamic VTOLs and bling though.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==

===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a powerful [[psyker]] and <strike>(heavily implied to be)</strike> (Confirmed by GW) a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe, possibly in [[wikipedia:Göbekli Tepe|Göbekli Tepe]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction, or as it's known on the street, a "fucking heart attack". Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders (which he defined to [[Slaanesh|refer to himself specifically]]): setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years. Considering that the Imperium's two-headed symbol was used by Hittites, Games Workshop, for all its flaws and pricing policies, can be given credit for doing his history homework. After that, he headed to the first cities of mankind in Sumeria to guide the start of human civilization.

[[File:Neoth-gigamesh-erda-siduri.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Neoth and Erda back in the ancient days of Chaldea, it all makes so much sense now.]]
According to Saturnine, one of the Emperor's earliest names was Neoth, in the time shortly after leaving His home and tribe. In the "time of the First Cities" Neoth had become a warlord and king. There He met Erda, a perpetual like Himself, who become one of His closest companions throughout history, by His side up until she caused the Scattering of the Primarchs. Neoth and Erda, father and mother of Primarchs.

''According to 1st & 2nd edition fluff'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. On the other hand, they also wouldn't have had the memories and soul-stuff of all those shamans telling them what to do. (This theory would go a long way to explaining the seemingly contradictory behaviors of the Emperor - all those shamans have disagreements and Big E has to listen to it all.) The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)'' and name him Anathema. Yet other fluff tidbits (including a C'Tan who dismissively described him as a "weapon" rather than a God) imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation.

Lore also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, and many of the probable identities of the Emperor in World History may include but are not limited to Hammurabi (the first man to invent the concept of Written Law), Alexander the Great (the most fabulous conqueror in all of History, with the philosopher Aristotle as his teacher), Julius Caesar (guess why the Imperium spoke Latin), Jesus (as demonstration of his supernatural God-like status and abilities and that He will sacrifice Himself for the progress of Humanity; which is a symbolic idea, [[Skub|as pre-retcon the lore leaned towards the Emperor being one of Jesus' disciples]]), Napoleon Bonaparte (to dismantle the old stagnating monarchies of Europe and replace them with Revolutionary ideals). And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]] ([[If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device|Yup, he used to be an asshole. A handsome, musclebound asshole.]] At least before he got wiser) and HE-MAN.

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting. Just remember to take stuff with a grain of salt, since, [[Retcon|you know]].

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet [[Molech]], where he passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here, he either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
{{Topquote|‘You…’ repeated Uriah, the pain in his bones no match for the pain in his heart. ‘You are the… the… Emperor…’ ‘I am, and it is time to go, Uriah,’ said the Emperor. Uriah looked around at his now gleaming and brightly lit church. ‘Go? Go where? [[Imperial Truth|There is nowhere else for me in this godless world of yours.’]]|[[The Last Church]]}}
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using the classic "join-me-or-die" strategy, he managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with Luna and the Mechanicum of Mars. When dealing with Mars, He called Himself the [[Omnissiah]], and convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a useful lie, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated, ignoring or forgetting what happened to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_Union| real]-[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pol_Pot| life] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_in_North_Korea| societies] that tried to throw faith and religion under the bus without molding the society towards abandoning religion willingly. He constructed this lie because he believed that belief in such things was feeding the Chaos Gods, [[Fail|but it turns out he had it backwards, and that such belief, being dedicated specifically to osmething other than said gods, was in fact starving them]].

Exception where's He's not a perfect badass? [[The Last Church]]. It is permissible to substitute the voice of whatever angry militant atheist appeals to you most/least for the duration of this one (short) story. Also, according to that same story, this asshole wiped out Scandinavia, <strike>[[Viking|right when Scandinavia was getting fun again]]</strike> [[The_End_Times|well well well, considering what they did]] [[Warhammer_Fantasy_Battle|to the other setting no one here is gonna miss them any time soon]]. According to the Horus Heresy books that mention the Unification Wars, He burned down a lot of things on a partially recovering Terra.

===Great Crusade===
Now that he was in control the Emperor had a relatively short to-do list, he wanted to: Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes, unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, and most importantly, prevent another calamity like the [[Age of Strife]] or [[Fall of the Eldar]].

In order to achieve this He had to shelter and protect humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]], reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station, and eliminate anyone who threatened his vision of humanity in any way.

But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He supposedly ''acquired'' from the Chaos Gods (or so the treacherous space cancers claim) into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate [[Heresy|(just like how daemons are born!)]] into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique quasi-daemonic (angelic?) soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body.

Each of these Primarchs were to have their place: Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark, they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway shield (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

It was a good plan for building an intergalactic empire, But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

Unfortunately things went off to a rocky start before he even began: since the Primarch's power was ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four would inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends, so they snatched the Primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic samples were left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]].

So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to restore mankind to its [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|rightful place as rulers of the galaxy.]]

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them may have been executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebelled against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favourite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the Golden Throne. On that day, an untold amount of manly tears was shed. Something seems to have gone wrong though, as the Golden Throne didn't manage to do its job and the Emperor managed to die sometime between the Horus Heresy and M41, although whatever's left of him still sticks around his corpse.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and if nothing was done... presumably the Emperor would be deader? In any case nobody wants to find out, as the Golden Throne is breaking apart the Mechanicus and certain elements at the top of the Imperium tries to contact the Dark Eldar for knowledge on how to repair the thing. ''The Carrion Throne'' reveals that a [[Haemonculus]] did make it to Terra, he is hunted down by the Inquisitor and the Custodes. The cheeky psycho doctor had absolutely no intention of repairing the thing but wanted to instead marvel upon the largest and greatest psychic pain machine ever constructed that made even a [[Haemonculus]] stand in utter awe, and look the cadaver buried within right in the eye sockets before both it and the machine ultimately died.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
{{Topquote|1=The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]|2=[[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor. <s>Interestingly, no leader, or warlord</s> HERESY!!!}}

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker <s>alive</s> around, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken [[Webway]] gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. Their fear of him cannot be overstated: during a discussion between Ku'Gath and Mortarion, you'd think Ku'Gath was referencing Morgoth. The idea his gathering strength terrified Ku'Gath to the point he feels they're dead if he's active and won't even say his name; whatever Emps is, Chaos is THAT scared of him. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born (though seeing as how he's been dead for quite a while and that hasn't happened, their fears are likely unfounded).

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, [[Ferrus Manus]] included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending ...ends... the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, [[Conan the Barbarian]], [[meme|Chuck Norris]], Christopher Lee, Tommy Wiseau, Keanu Reeves, and Jesus.

Overall the Emperor has always had a strong desire to protect and shepherd humanity, even if his methods are a bit... [[Blam|unorthodox]]. His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to his power and foresight made the Emperor as close to a Farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (though at the time he got the whole thing backwards, since said religions were starving the Chaos gods), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), originally loved the Primarchs as his sons (and then retconned into caring little for the Primarchs being His actual sons. But tools to be disposed of like in a game of Chess.. In "The Outcast dead" he even sort of says outright that he sacrificed Ferrus Manus because he knew he could not win the war and that the most he could hope for was a stalemate, i.e. prevent Chaos from winning), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... all because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path".

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of all of humanity's dictators in history (ironically that may have been [[A Game of Pretend|past personas]] of the Emperor). Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brothers better than Lupercal the First, and Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy since his goal was for humanity to be governed by humanity (as he clearly said to Lorgar in "The First Heretic". "This is not my Imperium, it is humanitys". Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, were better suited and needed as generals for the Great Crusade. Stil the whole theory that the Emperor wanted to dispose of the Primarchs once they ceased being useful is utter horseshit, for why would he have created living rooms for all of his sons in the Emperor's palace. And why create 20, functionally immortal tools if he had no plans for them following the crusade. Either way, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration, having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation (no matter how bad that idea played out in practice).

After Big E was nearly killed by his favourite son / tool, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia, presumably because he later died. Most of the fluff maintains that His mere existence since then has been living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter).... and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that he will just sit there and remain dead. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite and death's not the handicap it used to be, because it gives Him a fuckton of work to do. Along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, he also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?).

That being said, his love of humanity doesn't exactly extend to his sons. In older lore it did, however, in the retconned lore the Emperor himself states to [[Arkhan Land]] ''(the guy who discovered '''Land's''' Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his literal sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on personas for every occasion (during the meeting, Land saw him as not as a gold armoured god, but as an utterly logical scientist and the Emperor had the whole shtick of people interpreting his words in the manner that made the most sense to them personally) who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels. There must have been a reason why he prevented Vulkan from going completely batshit insane when he was killed over and over by his brother Konrad Kurze after all... but to say it in Guillimans own words (from memory) "our father never loved us, but he certainly does love humanity". Also Guilliman reflects that Big E could not have afforded deep affection for any of his sons, so lets see how the final confrontation between Horus on roid rage and Big E will play out in the end - as in older fluff Big E held back because he couldn't bring it upon himself to snuff out his most favoured son (and it did not read like in "my most favoured screw driver" kind of way). But in the end, despite being the most powerful psyker to have ever lived he may still have been "human" after all, and every living being has emotions. So maybe his biggest "flaw" (if you want to call it such) may have been that he might not have been able to separate himself from his sons (err I mean toolbox) as he would have hoped for.

*On that note, Aaron Demski-Bowden has insisted that nothing the Emperor says in Master of Mankind should be taken at face value. Moreover, the Emperor is inconsistent in how He describes the Primarchs. While He uses numbers and "it" when talking to Ra and Land, at the end of a book He's referring to Horus by name and as a "he", not an "it". AD-B has doggedly refused to clarify, because he enjoys watching the arguments he's kicked off.
*However, in [[Laurie Goulding]]'s audiobook: Malcador First Lord of the Imperium; Malcador pretty much spells out exactly the same thing, saying that the primarchs were designed to be ''"conqueror's tools and nothing more"'', and had been manipulated into conflict with each other from the very start so that they would eventually destroy each other and pave the way for a "human" civilisation, rather than a "transhuman" one and that the Horus Heresy was always [[Just as Planned|part of the plan]]. He does later have a minor breakdown and admit that he was forced to lie though, but is not clear on what elements. As a result, it is entirely possible (and in fact more likely) that there was no such plan to have the Primarchs destroy each other and that Malcador was merely trying to hide the fact that things had gone off the rails. This is confirmed in ''The Board Is Set'' short story by [[Gav Thorpe]], which seemingly reconfirms Malcador's admission as the the Big E and His bestie play a game of cards with each Primarch represented (heavily implied). In such a game, Mal takes the role of "Warmaster" ''(symbolically representing [[Chaos]])'' whilst Big E played the position of the "Emperor". The two play out the entire events of the Horus Heresy and even hypothetical scenarios had they played each Primarch differently against the others, though they still get caught off guard from time to time as the rules change unexpectedly. Though Malcador only belated understands that considering this was a symbolic game of "what if?" rather than simply a means of devising strategy. So, while Emps and Mal were partly responsible for the current state of everything; if Malcador's "lie" was that it was all planned and that everything was under control, then the truth would be an acknowledgement that their opponents ''(the Chaos Gods)'' actually existed which was something they had been denying for centuries. Now they were backed into a corner and desperately scrambling to find a solution that didn't fuck everything.

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]] through the broken remains of the Imperial Webway (in the form of a golden sun), while additionally sustaining and managing the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

An interesting theory is that if Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act then maybe Empy has gained all human souls since he got put on that Throne {see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp (and all that [[Infinity Circuit|stuff]] the Eldar get up to).

A question that remained unanswered for a long time is that, is the above thing the only thing he is capable of doing these days? Or can he communicate with others? In the past few supplicants were allowed an audience with the Emperor though the fluff's always been iffy on whether or not they talked, or if it was more a spiritual visit to a shrine. The recent advance in the timeline revealed that the newly revived Guilliman had an audience with him for a whole day in which they did talk (and he still seems to have some sort of connection to the Custodes), so yes, he can. But then, what is he [[Black_Crusade| waiting for]] [[Emperor%27s_To-Do_List| before]] waking the [[Lion_El%27Jonson| sleepy beauty ]] up? It could be that he literally couldn't talk to anyone before that, considering that even Guilliman shuddered at the thought of the mental sand blasting that was speaking with the Emperor. It's possible the same communion might destroy a mortal, or kill the comatose Lion by accident. Perhaps the only thing stopping the Emperor from direct governance of the Imperium is his psychic voice delivering the equivalent of an Ordinatus blast every time he uses it, so he cannot chastise the incompetence of the High Lords for fear of killing them outright.

Speaking of talking to him, when Roboute was revived from stasis and finally got to Terra to talk to dad, Roboute noted the Emperor regarded him with the interest one would regard a tool. He also reflects on how he feels that the Emperor's psychic might has grown since his death, but that his humanity has gone as well, to the point that Guilliman thinks that even if he is a god he doesn't deserve to be worshiped. However, following the Plague Wars Guilliman has considered the possibility that his ascension may have been a plan B for humanity following the failure of the Imperial Truth, and both [[Mortarion]] and [[Ku'Gath]] believe the Emperor is gathering energy to create what they call an "Unliving Legion".

{{Topquote|He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...|Magnus the Red}}

In contrast to the above quote, the Emperor (and the Imperium as a byproduct) fucking hates aliens, though not without reason. During the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, [[loot]]ed or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, or <s>possessed a planet</s>, influenced human culture at all. Ever since His ascension, the Imperium mostly forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated, but on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Asdrubael Vect|massive]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the [[Interex|Interex/Diasporex]]).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. [[Graham McNeill]] generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), [[Dan Abnett]] portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while [[Aaron Dembski-Bowden]] portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

On another note, [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|long before the Horus Heresy novel series]], there were hidden gems Noobs are not aware of, such as a text describing the fight between Horus and the Emperor (although it wasn't written especially well), or Conspiracy Theories. One of them was actually the possibility that the Emperor was already dead when Rogal Dorn managed to reach him; however, in the aforementioned text, [[Luther|Horus had realised that he had been wronged and deceived]] by the [[Assholetep|Chaos Gods]], who immediately ceased to possessed the Warmaster and fled before the Emperor's final Force attack [[FATAL|bring woe to both of them]]. What if the Emperor had spared him or if the Warmaster survived somehow? In Olden Fluff, all Primarchs were Psykers and originally supposed to be [[Grey Knight|shining examplars of Human free from the taint of the Empyrean]] which they failed to bear true potential due to their early contact with the Warp, via the Dark Gods abducting them pedobear style.

This in turn was what caused their mutations and unique characteristics and diversity which was more of a metaphor that each Primarch was an image of humanity themselves; in fact, much of the powers of the Primarchs, like the Emperor, would have come from their psychic abilities. It is known that [[Sensei]]'s powers include health, regeneration, greater athletic prowess and [[God Stat|overpowering their Strength stat]] when they try to attack something, thus it would not be surprising if it was also the case for Primarchs (baby Sanguinius was super healthy and immune to Baal's radiations, Curze crawled out of his molten drop-pod and crater while screaming in pain and fled immediately, instinctively, into the darkness, and later his body was fully healed) prior to the new fluff messing everything up, 'cause BL writers have trouble getting their shit together.

But back to where we are; the notion that the Emperor was dead forebodes a terrible possibility, in which [[Pretend|the corpse that Rogal Dorn took back on Terra's Imperial Palace was not Big E but of Horus being passed as the Emperor... and was worshipped as such for Ten Thousand Years]]. While [[Retcon|this has become highly unlikely]], it would both be a great and GRIMDARK [[Just As Planned|plot twist]] and an immense source of [[Lulz]] especially when you mix in the events of Gathering Storm 3 with [[Roboute Guilliman]].

===On His Pragmatism and Flaws===
The Emperor was a firm believer that the ends justified the means and was pragmatic in the extreme, and yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on the Imperium being constantly at war. Even if the Great Crusade had [[Just as Planned|proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected]], it still would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a few trillion newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands and no other purpose in life beyond said killing...well, they tend to get rowdy. He should have realized this already when he had to mop up the surviving [[Thunder Warriors]]. It remains unknown how the Imperium would have continued to look after the Great Crusade was completed and how the large military would be scaled down- or if such a feat could even be possible with a civilization he designed to work only in the presence of a steady stream of conquests. Sure, some of the primarchs and legions had other skills like Guilliman's political organization, but the rank-and-file? Or the likes of the [[World Eaters]]? There are hints that he might have planned to fix that by arranging the Primarchs to come to blows with each other, [[Horus Heresy|but we all know exactly how well ''that'' turned out]]- which if anything makes him look even more foolish as a result.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity as a whole belied his refusal to acknowledge that humanity was not just a species, but also a group of individuals with infinite variety and whose goals did not necessarily support His own. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own (granted what they did makes them partially responsible for the setting being so fucked) and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant nothing to him/his plan. In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction even (or ''especially'') if they were doing a better job than he was. In effect, all his efforts were performed in the name of an abstraction that arguably '''never existed in the first place'''.
*He made a critical mistake in that trying to erase religion without replacing it with secular ideals that had the same degree of universal appeal. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was the [[Age of Strife|Old Night]]. The Imperial Truth tried to do this, but it didn't take into account that "reason", "logic", and "humanism" were by definition too mundane to be suited for the replacement of the old religions, as they were poor substitutes for finding individual meaning. The fact that the Imperial Cult took off so quickly after the Emperor's internment on the Golden Throne (and is arguably the only thing keeping the Imperium a remotely unified entity in the present) is proof that the Emperor was once again either too stubborn for his own good or too divorced from the "normal" human condition to understand the value of belief. Most likely the latter, the Khan recounts scrambling to even converse with the Emperor, Custodes have an internal study schools to try figure out out what ''exactly'' he meant in his orders and how it applies to the modern day. Yes, his Companions have what are basically rabbis Talmudically mulling over every syllable the Emperor ever uttered. In either case, all it accomplished was giving all four of the Ruinous Powers a reason to get rid of him, while also giving them an invaluable tool to do so in the form of Lorgar. And all while he was telling the Primarchs that daemons were just another Xenos race in an ill-advised attempt to dispense with their mythological appearance and obvious possession of supernatural powers. This attempt left them vulnerable for Chaotic corruption among themselves or their Legions. Yes, He gave them incredibly vague warnings, but those were not even close to the amount of information He needed to give them. Or, for those of us who think this sounds just a little bit religious for our tastes and don't want to get into a philosophical debate over the importance of belief, imagine the trillions of citizens who had gone their whole lives worshiping a belief only to have ol' Emps turn up and just say "No" without a word of explanation.
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident. It's not a stretch to hypothesize that this was itself a ploy for him to use the collective psychic power of humanity to elevate himself to the status of godhood, where he could truly rule with infinite power.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the [[Old Ones]], and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless if or when the Warp completely breaks through into the Webway.
**The so-called mistakes and subsequent "Fall" of the Eldar [[Lileath|may have been foreseen]] and [[Morai-Heg|apparently planned for]]. By the close of the 41st Millennium, the psychic gestalt of the conscious-dead Eldar have formed the new god [[Ynnead]], quite probably proving that willpower eventually counters [[Slaanesh|desire]] and completing the Eldar's psychic ascension as a species. The Emperor may not have been aware of this and humanity's own psychic awakening may not have been as tragic, but to give him credit, his own endgame is somewhat similar in wanting to nurture mankind's psychic ascension but without the catastrophe. He is possibly positioning himself to become the focus for humanity's willpower rather than needing enough souls to die before they gestalt together, becoming a guiding will rather than a collective one.
*Most damningly of all, his total disregard for the possibility that the Primarchs might actually have their own thoughts and feelings ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos in the first place:
**The humiliation of Lorgar was the ultimate catalyst for the Horus Heresy, and is probably the most colossal failure the Emperor has ever produced. This event is what showed the future "heretics" (and us) who the Emperor truly is behind his charisma and lofty dreams. Lorgar was so enthralled with his father that he not only worshipped him as a god but made it his life's goal to convince others to do so as well. He built gleaming monuments and cities in His name. He trained an entire legion to glorify their perfect and benevolent father. Suddenly, the Ultramarines descend and obliterate the greatest of Lorgar's cities and the Emperor himself forces Lorgar's entire legion to kneel before the invaders. The Emperor tells his most admiring son that he, alone of all his brothers, has failed. It would be as if God set Vatican City on fire, kicked the pope over, put out the fire by covering him in dog shit, and then told him to quit being such a fucking pussy. The main thing this incident says about Lorgar is that he's such a tough motherfucker that he didn't break down completely forever or kill himself upon the revelation that the most powerful and perfect being he can even imagine hates him, personally. The Emperor took the leader of the most powerful religious organization in the galaxy and kicked him straight into the claws of evil gods powered by belief. However, the biggest irony, considering that religion is the only power that can counterattack and fend off Chaos, and Ecclesiarchy is doing just that for several millenia using very book that Lorgar wrote, Emperor basically threw out the smartest and safest option to counter Chaos due to his stupidity and narrow-mindness. (Unless it really WAS a test as [[Traitor_Legion_Loyalists#Known_Loyalist_Members_of_the_Traitor_Legions|the Anchorite]] believe).
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred. Instead he could have earned Angron's undying love, furious loyalty and the worst case, a martyr Primarch who'd die from the nails and gotten rid of: was one fucked up dusty planet's short term compliance worth the whole shit roller coaster, we will never know. Why a <s>man</s> <s>superman</s> Primarch (god damn it!) who knew only killing (not even war, just murdering people with MURDER NAILS JAMMED IN HIS BRAIN), and is traumatized to ETERNALLY HATE HIS LORD should be controlling 100,000+ Space Marines is something only the Emperor and his divine ass can fathom.
**[[Fulgrim]]'s road to damnation started because he decided to loot a Slaaneshi-possessed sword. Knowing nothing about Chaos, Fulgrim had no idea he was using an incredibly dangerous warp artifact that that would lead to untold consequences. It didn't help that his strict xenophobic teachings prevented Fulgrim from taking [[Eldrad]]'s advice about the Laer Blade into account.
**Even with the Webway fuck-up (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had brought Magnus to the Great Work earlier, or had him stationed on Terra along with Dorn, or even just listened to his warning that Horus had turned traitor. Instead, he totally disregarded Magnus's entirely correct warning in favor of allowing Russ (the one Primarch who most wanted Magnus dead) to arrest him because he didn't like the way said warning was delivered. And with the door already broken, he could have simply psy-phoned Magnus to clear it all up instead of jumping to conclusions. Then again, Magnus wouldn't even comply to his demand to stop practising sorcery...
**Similarly to Angron, [[Mortarion]] always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**The Emperor, being the wisest and most powerful human psyker in the galaxy of all people, should have been able to see that [[Konrad Curze]] was an unstable psyker who was on the fast road to devolving into insanity due to his uncontrolled talents. And if he already was aware of it, then at best he was being incredibly careless. And what with the whole Night Lords comprise of criminals, one must really question his divine quality control. Or maybe he is just totally rely on his <s>large</s> huge brain capacity to manage things, and simply dismiss things that can't fit in.
**Completely ignoring that [[Perturabo]] needlessly had one in ten men in his legion killed by decimation under flimsy pretenses. Coupled with the fact that Perturabo was originally a peaceful, diplomatic soul; these two should have triggered some alarm bells about his mental stability. While it was said that the Emperor considers the Primarchs more of tools and less of his children, in retrospect it was obvious that there was plenty of [[Rogal Dorn|favoritism]] going on. Seriously, why can't the Big E act like a spiritual psychiatrist for ONE FUCKING MOMENT?
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealized, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he, the other Primarchs, and the Astartes as a whole would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. (Horus likely being aware of what happened to the [[Thunder Warriors]] when they outlived their usefulness at the end of the Unification Wars probably stoked that particular fire nicely.) You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved 'son' would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer, but no.
**Perhaps the biggest kicker to this is that if we're going to take all of Black Library into account, the Emperor never truly cared for the Primarchs at all (loyalist and traitor included), viewing them as nothing more than powerful but ultimately expendable tools to further the ambitions of Humanity's survival and ascendancy. As determined by the Emperor, of course.
***Although one can always argue that the remaining Primarchs stayed loyal either because they believed in his vision for humanity or were too loyal to be turned, there's no telling exactly how long that might have gone on after the Great Crusade's end - some of them showed signs of disloyalty to the Emperor even during the Heresy, only staying on his side either out of loyalty to Mankind as a whole (Guilliman and his [[Imperium Secundus]] come to mind here), by recognizing the other side as an even greater evil (like Jaghatai), or only because the Imperium is on the winning side (if Curze's trolling was true; The Lion, which probably isn't true considering he stabbed him in the next paragraph and told Curze that he didn't care and that he was balls-to-the-wall loyal).
***To clarify the above point, after Guilliman's meeting with the Emperor following the Primarch's revival, he noted that while he loved humanity as a whole, the Emperor was practically incapable of caring about individual people, even the Primarchs. Everything and everyone was just a tool to him. While some might interpret this as the Emperor simply being a dick, you have to understand his situation; he's an immortal superhuman with a plan to uplift humanity. The fact he's immortal means he would be unable to form any meaningful relationships with mortals, because he'll always outlast them in one way or another. His plan also involved tons of sacrifices for the <s>greater good</s> {{Blam|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!'''}}, common good, when you're forced to sacrifice anything to continue your plans; you can't afford to be too attached to someone you might have to throw into the fire in a split second. The Emprah is cursed to always looking forward to the endless road of the future, so he can never live in nor understand the concept of the present. As a result, his plans failed to account for the fact others might not just meekly go along with his plans without question and became further detached from the real human condition.
*Overall, and quite ironically, the main reason why the Emperor's plan was doomed to fail in time was because while the Emperor understood the path on what humanity must take for a brighter future, he himself was either unable or unwilling to understand humanity. Instead, he chose to remain distant from them and act like he was above their understanding, and that they should just simply follow him because he's the Emperor and he alone knows what's best for humanity, because shut up or be on the receiving end of a boltgun. (Even more ironically, this was how the majority of the gods that humanity originally believed in acted as well, and at least they had the excuse that they really were divine. For all his efforts to remove religion, the Emperor played the part of a god hilariously well.) Lastly, maybe the Emperor understood that his Primarchs were unstable and unreliable. Given the issues with the Thunder Warrior's he had to know all of this was coming eventually just from past experience. But it's possible he just didn't expect it to be in the form of a team death match. He could see Kurze being unstable enough eventually that he and his Legion would need to be removed but expected it to be individual Legions and Primarchs that would need censure but couldn't foresee his own flaws causing enough gulfs with each of his Primarchs that they would have a reason to band together. If that was the case, he was a poor father and a poor leader not to see his own arrogance as a flaw in his design. If it is true that he had always intended the Primarchs' rivalries to grow to the point that they would begin fighting each other, all of the above is even more damning since it means he had made them flawed on purpose and yet failed to see how Chaos would gladly exploit said flaws at the first opportunity it got.

On another note, the fact his ossified self has managed to shed tears and there was an incident where everyone across the Imperium saw statues of the Emperor weeping tears of blood due the incoming disasters of the End Times may mean that he has finally started to realize how horribly he fucked up on every possible level. Or maybe it's hurting even more than ever to stay sit at the Golden Throne.

The latter is far more likely; according to Roboute Guilliman, when he met with the Emperor after his revival, He treated Guilliman as a mere tool without showing even the faintest display of affection or care for him as a person. One can only assume that 10,000 years on the Golden Throne has done absolutely nothing to make the Emperor be less of an asshole; in fact, he's described as being human in name alone, and Guilliman believes that [[HERESY|even if he is a god he doesn't deserve to be worshipped.]]

tl;dr He was a horribly flawed but still well-meaning OCD workaholic with a "The needs of the many" outlook on life meaning he couldn't afford to show trust, love or compassion to anything but mankind as a whole, not even his "sons". Ultimately however even though his complete separation from the human condition helped him make the hard decisions, it was a decision he paid the ultimate price for and a large contributor to the Horus Heresy being as terrible as it was. If you have experience in pedagogy, he is your typical working dad who can't spare time to raise sons and makes *very* bad, fatigue influenced decisions, and after they grow up, wonders why they grow to hate him/be distant. Add the lack of a loving mother figure for the kids, and [[Horus Heresy|well...]]

====Planning for the Horus Heresy====

To throw a spanner into the works when considering whatever the Emperor's "goals" might have been: A very interesting claim was made by Malcador himself to his dying confidante Sibel Niasta that the Heresy was all [[Just as planned|part of the plan]], that the Primarchs were designed as "conquering tools and nothing more", set on course to fight for dominance and eventually turn on each other and challenge the Emperor directly. This is corroborated by what we already "knew" from ''Master of Mankind'' and the Emperor's own attitudes towards the Primarchs ''(which admittedly has constantly been shown to be shifting. As has been frequently pointed out the final confrontation between Horus and the Emperor - as we currently know it - would not make any sense if he merely considered them to be disposable tools anyway. Why "hold back" then to start out with?)''. The Primarchs were manipulated against each other with [[Rogal Dorn|unequal]] [[Perturabo|favour]], jealousies stoked in order to achieve this, and he also claims that those who [[Magnus|would not be manipulated]] [[Primarch#Two Missing Primarchs|never reach the end game.]] What is not certain is whether he was speaking the ''whole'' truth since he does later admit privately just after the conversation that he had to lie to mortals to spare their sorrow, so what parts he "lied" about are uncertain ''(he could've made the whole "just as planned" story up, it could've all been true and he was regretting manipulating the Primarchs and their legions, it could even refer to a single sentence where he implies that the Emperor will save her soul after death)''; he also admits that the outcome had been altered by the [[Chaos Gods|great enemy]] who had emboldened their champions and started the battle early so he did not know with absolute certainty how it was going to turn out.

However, as shown from ''"The Board is Set"'' or the novel "The Outcast dead" Malcador and the Emperor were certainly shown to have considerable amounts of foreknowledge regarding the Horus Heresy and certainly ''did'' play the Primarchs against each other in order to attempt to counter the manipulations of Chaos. However in the Board is Set, Malcador is shown that the Primarch's destinies were not necessarily fixed and could have been played in different ways; some [[Ferrus Manus|Primarchs]] were [[Sanguinius|sacrificed]] for greater goals like you would remove a figure from the board to give you a better edge. Whilst the Emperor had the knowledge that certain [[Roboute Guilliman|others]] were crucial to final victory. Malcador is also shown to not have been aware of the full plan or the flow of destinies; he is unaware of how certain seeming "winning" strategies are left unplayed because they have unexpected knock-on effects, or that certain moves played early or late could have had disastrous consequences.
*Such as why the [[Rogal Dorn|"Invincible Bastion"]] is not used to take the [[Horus|"Lord of Hearts"]] [[Battle of Phall|early on in the war]], since it would force both of the [[Alpharius|"Twin"]] pieces to switch sides to the Warmaster and be able move on the Emperor's home space and cause the game to be lost. This is also significant because it shows that whichever side the Primarch had joined could have been variable, and did not automatically mean that it was working towards the same goal as its leaders.
*Malcador was also surprised to find out that the game could be changed by factors they might be unaware of, such as the "Corruption" of the [[Mortarion|Lord of Clouds]] in the mid-game when they had expected him to resist like he had in their previous playthroughs. The Emperor appeared genuinely saddened by this change, hinting that he either still cared about them even when they had already turned against him, or that some Primarchs could have potentially been recovered and returned to the fold after the conflict had ended. Malcador was also shocked to think that the Emperor could be blind-sided by such an alteration; with Malcador only beginning to see the game for what it truly might have been, rather than simply a means of testing strategy.
*It is important to note that from the beginning of the game, the "Primarch" pieces were essentially blank slates, and only gained their unique shapes and identities as part of their first activations after the Scattering, possibly indicating that the Primarchs could have potentially switched roles with one another depending on the first few moves. ''(Perhaps Sanguinius could have become the Lord of Hearts? or Perturabo become the Invincible Bastion?)''
*Before the first move takes place, the pieces were arranged ten per side, which was more than available Primarchs at the time. The Emperor had his own golden piece but the "Lord of Hearts" began the game in blue and became switched in the first move ''(giving the Warmaster eleven pieces after the first move)'' while the "Twins" would not be divided until the second move, providing twenty-one pieces on the board. Ignoring the additional piece ''"the Fool"'' that Malcador had never seen before, means that there must have been one other significant player somewhere that we are not aware about. That and the division of units under the control of the "Emperor" and [[Chaos|"Warmaster"]] in the game would have been very different from the apparent division of Loyalist/Traitor Primarchs in the actual conflict, meaning that the roles they played and were expected to play '''did''' change drastically as the game progressed.

Taking several factors into account, it is absolutely certain that Malcador and the Emperor had enough foreknowledge to know that the Horus Heresy was going to happen from the point of the '''Scattering''' onward. To say that it was all part of his "Grand Plan" would be a stretch, that many of the Primarchs had municipal gifts ''(Perturabo's architectural mastery, Fulgrim's artistry etc)'', came with purposes suited to the Emperor's grand plan for a post-human society ''(Magnus' and the Webway, Mortarion as a witchseeker)'' and he definitely [[Vulkan|created one of them]] [[Perpetual|"different"]] from the rest with the explicit purpose of teaching the others how to settle down after a lifetime of war shows that the Emperor probably did have a plan for his Primarchs that didn't involve losing half of them and then chaining himself to the Golden Throne. Otherwise why make twenty Primarchs with gifts related to your post-battle plans in the first place if you knew you were going to lose half of them? People who claim that this outcome was all part of the Emperor's plan have either missed or forgotten the fact that his opponent in the "game" was Chaos, and not Malcador ''(Malcador and Emps switched places several times in their playthroughs which Malcador thought was just a means of testing strategy until it finally dawned on him that there was more to it)'' and that the Chaos Gods had their own plans for the Primarchs too and were fully capable of changing the rules whenever it suited them. Not to mention the [[Cabal]]s of alien psykers manipulating humanity for their own outcome, [[Perpetual|Immortal humans]] that interfere with predictions of the future, and [[Watchers in the Dark|extradimensional beings]] trying to stop the primordial annihilator from manifesting all by making their own moves and causing more complications.

If anything; ''The Board is Set'' goes a long way in explaining why the Emperor couldn't do any more with his advanced notice of impending conflict as any wrong move he made could have immediately spelled disaster for humanity. Plus the Emperor's foresight was not perfect and it did not necessarily marry up with his practical knowledge; even though the game he played with Malcador showed the "[[Lion El'Jonson|Double Edged Sword]], [[Roboute Guilliman|The Uncrowned Monarch]] and [[Sanguinius|The Angel]] spending most of the game off to the side, the Emperor had no idea [[Imperium Secundus|what they were actually doing]] until Malcador relayed the message from [[Leman Russ]]. His psychic foresight seems to have been shrouded in allegory and symbolism, rather than concrete certainty.

Also note that "destiny" is different from what the Primarchs were "designed" for ''(case in point: Magnus being designed to operate the Golden Throne, but also being destined to damage it)''. While Emperor had designed all of his Primarchs for specific tasks, he would not have been able to identify the destined role that each Primarch was meant to play until events had already been set into motion and pulled them onto certain paths. He might been able to guess that Magnus was "the Library" or that Dorn was the "Invincible Bastion" but could not have been certain until the first moves of the game had been made. So until then he could only treat the Primarchs according to their gifts; hailing them as heroes, building them statues and trying to steer them away from obvious sources of corruption such as [[Magnus|sorcery]] or [[Lorgar|religion]]. Even if the Emperor ''had'' suspected which ones would turn against him and tried to eliminate them before they became problems, their destinies could have unfolded in a completely different way, potentially causing a similar conflict to happen albeit with a different combination of playing pieces on the board, or alternatively sacrificing any control he might have actually had over the Primarchs and still have ended up with a disaster on his hands. Also bearing in mind that he still needed to complete the Great Crusade and his Webway project; to put those plans on hold until the issue with Primarchs had sorted themselves out would probably have done him no good either because like the Emperor himself, [[Chaos]] is capable of playing the long game.

[[Lorgar]] is an interesting issue: Malcador once claimed that if he could have saved just one of the traitor Primarchs, it should have been Lorgar. However, from the Board is Set, the Emperor points out that game doesn't start with any piece other than the "Chosen", strongly hinted to represent Lorgar with his initial swaying of Horus and thus beginning the Heresy. This implies that no matter what moves are planned for, or what Primarchs ended up on either side; Chaos will '''always''' have a "Chosen" piece to start the game with. If Horus had been protected, Lorgar might have simply started the conflict with someone else, making Chosen/Lorgar perhaps the more crucial piece. Though keep in mind that Malcador speaks with the benefit of hindsight, and as mentioned previously, the Emperor was not omniscient, it is possible that neither of them were to fully realise that Lorgar was the Chosen until the first move of the game had already been made. What is most tragic is that Lorgar ''really'' wanted the love and approval of his father and was probably the most fanatically loyal to him in the early days, so turning him into Chaos most pivotal piece is a cruel irony. If it were possible to have actually saved Lorgar before the conflict started, it would have probably unbalanced the game as Chaos would have been forced to find a different Primarch to fill the role of "Chosen", potentially upending the game altogether.

Until the end of the Heresy, Malcador was not actually aware of how the final conflict actually played out; having seen himself only as an advisor, he was ignorant of his own role. The Emperor showed him in the final days that his piece, "The Fool", would switch places with the Emperor to snatch victory and allow the [[Roboute Guilliman|"Uncrowned Monarch"]] to play his "Salvation" strategy and win the game against chaos by tearing the throat out of the serpent. Malcador's "lie" to his servant was most likely to provide the illusion of control; when in fact the Emperor and Malcador were desperately seeking to find an alternate solution that would not doom everyone. But pretty much like the Emperor stated in "The Outcast dead": "Sometimes the only victory possible is to keep [[Chaos|your opponent]] from winning.".

===But what does all that mean for The Duel?===
Yeah...about that. Regarding the Emperor's duel with Horus, we're all reasonably sure we know the old story. The Emperor faces down Horus, and had the power to roflstomp him, but his love for his favorite son prevented him from going all out, and Emps gets his ass kicked. It takes an extraordinarily callous killing by Horus to finally convince the Emperor that Horus is completely beyond saving, and Emps blasts him full power to put an end to the Horus Heresy. The rising problem here is that this version of events heavily relies on the Emperor's compassion (particularly towards his sons), compassion that the Horus Heresy books and Dark Imperium repeatedly assert that he ''never had'', either then or in the 41st millennium. For example, the Emperor put down his Thunder Warriors as soon as they served their purpose, and he didn't even pretend to care about Angron and his Butchers nails, asserting that he would keep him as long as he had a use for him, and so on. Anyway, without compassion, the duel scene in its current form simply does not work. After all Horus had done in the years before, in a room with the maimed corpse of Sanguinius, a loyal and beloved (as far as it goes with Big E, at least) son of his, there is really no way he would have gone all fatherly love on Horus and not just blasted him, or at least tried to. (Maybe the current form is Imperial propaganda trying to conceal the fact that Horus simply kicked his shiny golden ass for some reason?) So what the hell actually happened? A very good question, at this point. [[Laurie Goulding]] has implied that when the Heresy books finally get to it, the final duel may play out ''very'' differently from how we think we know it. It certainly wouldn't be the [[Ollanius Pius|first time it's been retconned]].

One possible explanation for why Emps' couldn't immediately obliterate Horus is perhaps due to divided attention and strength. During the fight, Malcador was being taxed to the core and maybe the Emps was lending his power to buy Malcador some more time and thus was not able to actually unleash his full strength on Horus. However, Malcador had already received the same speech about being used as a disposable pawn by the Emperor for the sake of the overall goal, and knew he was going to die anyway as the Throne-switcharoo had been planned before the traitors had even arrived at Terra, so the Emperor would have no reason to stall just to save one man, even if they were genuinely friends. The Emperor also knew in advance that the outcome would be his entombment on the Throne; when he found out about this he claimed that it was more than he expected but went so far as to tell his Custodians that his dream for the future of humanity was pretty much dead. Without the support of Magnus ''(who was always intended to sit on the Throne)'' unless someone came around with the knowledge to fix the Throne he would be trapped there until it it failed but according to his discussions with Malcador there was room for "[[Roboute Guilliman|Salvation]]" to come later. One other possible suggestion for why the Emperor might have stalled is perhaps his prescience glimpsed some preferable alternative to simply pasting Horus then and there, but until that gets resolved it can only be speculation.

On a rather related note, one can assume E-Money knew the tragic cases of Magnus, Curze & Angron and all of his sons through premonitions. Given that the future can be changed (as in the case of the Lion who feared the future of Curze) though not necessarily changed for the better or come without consequences ''(such as knowing that Rogal Dorn could have defeated Horus early in the war, but Alpharius would have assaulted Terra and resulted in a Chaos win anyway)'' the only options available to E-Money were to salvage the best he could from a shit situation.

Anyway, he is now stuck on the Throne guiding his subjects in the few ways available to him in his current state as an all-powerful vegetable.

Perhaps, or perhaps not, to have hesitated out of love for a son, the final weakness during the last test to save mankind, that would have shown why the Emperor couldn't afford to love anyone, not even his own sons, and turned him into what he is now. Though more recent fluff shows him to have always been more pragmatic than that. While he did seemingly care for his "sons", his foresight had shown him that half of them would turn to Chaos and move against him ''(whether or not you believe Malcador's statement that it was planned from the start)''. Perhaps he even saw that there would always be half the Primarchs turning to Chaos and all the Emperor could do was choose which ones and try to plan for them. Maybe the two missing Primarchs were dealt with just to try and reduce the number of Primarchs and Legions involved without crippling the Great Crusade. Though even with this foreknowledge, the Emperor was on the back foot and many of the actions of the Horus Heresy involved playing the Primarchs against each other to prevent an overall Chaos victory rather than achieving an Imperial win.

== ADB on the Emperor in Master of Mankind ==
TL;DR: Everyone whom has the chance to be in the Emperor's presence perceives something different, based on their own experiences and expectations. Nothing He ever says should be taken at face value, since it is 'warped' by the narrator's interpretation.

In response to criticisms on his portrayal of the Emperor, ADB posted this detailed answer:

''That's true, and I definitely wanted to bring out a better understanding of his vision and what he was up against, but that's also lore I'd wager anyone with a deep knowledge of the setting already had a handle on to some degree, whether explicitly or not. What I wanted to avoid was too much "new" stuff. You have to put in something new, and thankfully what little newness I do introduce in my work is seemingly well-regarded, but I've always said our job (as I see it) is to illustrate the setting and show what it's like to live there, not to set it in stone. As much as the fandom adores "advancing the storyline", it's not something that interests me, by and large. I try my best to show things from the perspectives of characters on the ground level, bring a few perceptions of the setting through the lens of my own imagination and the insight I'm lucky enough to get endlessly talking about the setting with its creators and inheritors, and then get out. Most of my books are, to some extent, not definitive. They're about Some Guy, not the entire faction.

''Grimaldus in Helsreach has no bond to the wider war on Armageddon and hates that he's been left behind by the Black Templars, but he's (hopefully) a good example of what it feels like to be a Black Templar, and to think like one, and - crucially - what it feels like to be a human around them. Talos and the other characters of First Claw spend a trilogy unable to decide what the Night Lords Legion really was, and each of them remembers their glory days differently. I didn't want to speak for the whole Legion. Hyperion in The Emperor's Gift is a largely generic Grey Knight present in dire circumstances. HH-wise, I didn't want to show all of the Word Bearers and base a book around the expectations of Kor Phaeron, Lorgar, and Erebus, so I focused on the Serrated Sun in the middle of the changes taking place across the galaxy. Savage Weapons is largely about Corswain, not about Curze and the Lion. The Master of Mankind is about Ra, Zephon, Jaya, and Land in the heart of the Emperor's plans for the species, not about the Emperor himself. As much as I wrote about Angron and Lorgar, they get significantly less in-their-heads screen time than most other primarchs in most other books.''

''It's harder to do that with the Heresy, but - again - I do my best to present individual experiences and mindsets in characters like Khârn, Argel Tal, and Ra, rather than definitive looks at the entire Chapter/Legion/faction and setting its events in stone. I try to present a feel for how it is to live inside that culture and be part of the experiences they go through; it's about immersion into the Chapter or Legion, presenting them as believable and real, not definitively saying "All of Chapter X are like Y."
''
''So: I'm reluctant to talk about TMoM and the Emperor's perception in that book in any real detail, partly because the book is still new and there's a lot individual readers would do better discovering for themselves without my thoughts in public, and partly because everything I'd say is ultimately in the book. Anything I say will be taken out of context or weaponised one way or another somewhere, and used in a way that makes me sigh, cringe, or a dramatic melange of both that shall hereafter be called the sigh-cringe.
''
''(Plus, most of all, I have faith in readers. They don't need me defining anything, even if it might be interesting for a few peeps.)''

''So, I'll just say this. The Master of Mankind is entirely from the perspectives of people that meet the Emperor in pretty specific circumstances. There are, obviously, other circumstances to come. Nothing in it is definitive, even less so than my usual work. Any definitive statement you can make about how the Emperor sees something or does something is almost always contradicted in the book itself. That's not an escape clause or an excuse. It's the point. Writing him definitively would've been the easiest and most disappointing thing in the world.
''
''(And on that note, remember, everyone views 40K differently. What Person X is absolutely certain is the truth of the Emperor and the best way to present him would be laughed off by Persons A, B, and C. The flip side to that is that not every perspective is founded in fact or understanding. The earliest "I've not read this yet, but..." criticisms and misunderstandings of TMoM in, ah, certain reddit/chan-style locations was regarded by GW IP folks as, I quote: "These angry people seem to be beholden to a version of 40K that has never existed...")
''
''But in all seriousness, I don't want to delve too deeply into explaining the ways the Emperor's contradictions matter or don't matter. They're there, and they're definitely formative - totally agree - if not exactly definitive. With the Emperor, a lot of interaction is about getting out what you put in. You get what you give. Your perceptions and expectations are reflected back on you because that's how the human brain perceives everything (a fact that cannot be overstated; the science behind it is fascinating and all-important), especially when you're talking about someone who exists on that plane of power. At one point the Emperor makes mention of the notion that he's not even speaking, that being near to him allows the conveyance of meaning through psychic osmosis, and communication telepathically. He's not even talking. It's raw understanding filtering through a mind, or just the way the mortal mind comprehends the aura of what the Emperor intends, or, or, or...
''
''That's what I mean. TMoM is littered with that stuff. Does he only address the primarchs by number instead of name? Some characters will swear he does that, and doesn't that just perfectly match their perspectives of the primarchs as either emotionally-compromised "too-human" things that think they're sons (Ra), or genetic masterworks that have become galaxy-damning screw-ups that have literally let the galaxy burn and brought the Imperium to its knees, leading people to be exiled from their homeworlds (Land). Do you think Sanguinius will agree? Or care that's what mortals think? The Emperor's portrayal on that isn't even consistent between Ra and Diocletian, two of his Custodians - and on PAGE ONE, the only time he interacts with a primarch himself, and the one and only thing he says to Magnus the Red is...?
''
"''Magnus''."

''Like... that's a pretty strong indication that the interactions which follow are playing by different rules. Ra sees the Warlord of Humanity, just a man, but a great mean, weary and defiant, burdened by responsibility. Daemons see their annihilation, and go insane in his presence. One of the Knights, as they're marching through the Throne Room, is caught in religious rapture, unable to do anything but stare at the glorious halo of the Emperor of Mankind on the Golden Throne. One of the Sisters of Silence, in the same room, literally just sees a man in a chair. Another character, not Imperial, asks a Custodian if the Emperor even breathes. She believes he's a weapon left out of its box from the Dark Age of Technology. (With thanks to Alan Bligh for that one, he adores that theory.)
''
''So I don't think it's exactly a spoiler to say that if and when I get to write a character like Sanguinius in the Emperor's presence, or Malcador, they'd have entirely different experiences than Ra and Land. I'd loved to have had that in TMoM, but as much as it would've given wider context, these aren't rulebooks and essays; it would've been self-indulgent for the sake of 'hoping people get it', and cheapened the story being told, which was ultimately in a very narrow and confined set of circumstances. Breaking out of that narrative would be offering a sense of scope and freedom I was specifically trying to avoid in a claustrophobic siege story. Because theme and atmosphere is a thing.''
''

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him so hard he ended up spending the next 10,000 years on the Golden Throne as a rotting corpse. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an mutant or even an alien skull? <s>(What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull)</s> [[Blam| '''*BLAM!*''']] Anyway, back to the topic at hand. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often. But he still looks ''fabulous'' without his armor.]]

{{Topquote|We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified, who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++|the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra (Most Christian elegan/tg/entlemen will recognize it as a bastardized version of The Apostle's [[Creed]])}}

{{Topquote|Did Horus not say that you sought godhood? He built a [[Horus Heresy|rebellion]] upon that claim. How he would gloat, to see the Imperium now|[[Roboute Guilliman]]}}

The Imperium advocates worship the Emperor as the one true God through the [[Imperial Creed]]. This creed is propagated and its adherence is enforced by the [[Ecclesiarchy|Adeptus Ministorum]] and the [[Inquisition]]. All citizens and fighters of the Imperium have little-to-no say about their choice in faith (or lack thereof); they ''must'' worship the Emperor through the various Ministorum-approved faiths throughout the galaxy (due to varying cultures, many planets have their own way of worshiping the Emperor. Although these are heavily regulated by the Ministorum to weed out any heretical influences.), there is no middle road or compromise that doesn't involve the apostate being on the receiving end of a state-sponsored public lynching. Anyone who defies or deviates from the teachings of the Imperial Creed (or even is just perceived to defy it), whether willingly or unwillingly (after all, incompetence is inexcusable in the eyes of the Emperor), is condemned as a heretic and is executed (whether its going to be fast or excruciatingly slow is dependent on the person judging the condemned). Even if someone hasn't disobeyed the Imperial Creed but is deemed to have will be treated as if they broke the Creed. Forgiveness for one's sins is possible, although these cases are exorbitantly rare (at least the ones that doesn't end with the accused being condemned to a glorious death, and it usually is extremely painful.). It doesn't help that some of the members of the Ecclesiarchy and Inquisition are so batshit insane that they are killing countless innocent followers of the Imperial Creed for no reason.

Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they realized what he taught them when he preached the Imperial Truth was complete bullshit. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss, unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether (which basically shows how ineffective the Imperial Truth really was and how much the Emperor has screwed up). Unfortunately this still made them targets and the Imperium was used by Chaos as a cats-paw to wipe them out.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body shut down and died. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of bravery and perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply their biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Kroot|Humanoid wingless bird men cannibals who absorb traits from what they eat]]
*[[Vespid|Humanoid insects with claws capable of ripping through the toughest armour]]
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep, and to have Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Lost and the Damned|Traitors who turn their backs on the Imperium and try to destroy it]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun (and who may be the puppets of an older and even more malignant civilization)]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanity's potential fall]]...
*[[Hrud|Humanoid Rats that cause anything, living or not, to rapidly decay through touch]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium would have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself. So yes, much like IRL religion, it gives them hope and courage to fight on and survive in a universe that leaves the [[grimdark]] faucet running everyday and night.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. Or on creating a functional pantheon of genetically engineered demigods, one of whom looked like and was referred to as a literal Angel. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==On the Death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Son, I am disappoint.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it (at least until they finish studying Malcador's staff, provided GW doesn't forget that plot point), it is certainly possible that the Golden Throne may stop working entirely, though what this might do is up for debate, since the Emperor has been dead for a very long time now.

Yes, yes, you read that right, the Emperor is dead. Now quit your shrieking and take a fecking chill pill, there's more to it than that. Being the single most powerful psyker in the history of the human race, the death of his physical body isn't the same "GAME OVER, MAN!" it would be for the rest of us mortals. The Emperor's mummified corpse is still inhabited by his spirit much the same way as [[Lord Kroak]], except he's powering the Astronomican (and possibly keeping the warp from swallowing Terra) instead of being hauled around on a golden anti-gravity palanquin to smite the enemies of the Imperium with golden fire.

Back to the matter at hand, with how arcane and ill-understood the Golden Throne's workings are all we have to go on are theories. It might be somehow enhancing his psychic abilities through its connection to his corpse and this would be lost when it gives out, or (rather more likely seeing as how parts keep failing and yet nothing changes) it might be something the AdMech keeps running since they think it's doing something that it isn't. No one knows, and no one really wants to find out.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:800px">In any case, a lot of fa/tg/uys don't seem to know that the Emperor's dead, and so a lot of theories arise as to what might happen if something that already happened ends up happening. Click expand to view these theories and keep in mind, these are all kept with their fa/tg/uys speculation intact.

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">
===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]] says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at its center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger. Now the Throne is ''also'' beginning to show signs of irreversible breakdown, but what happens if(/when?) Big E dies is actually which of the two fails first.

According to the Old Earth novel, the Golden Throne has a Vulkan-forged device called Talisman of Seven Hammers that acts as a dead man's switch: it supposedly will destroy all of Terra if the Throne finally kicks it. The Talisman has never been referred to in previous fluff, though the fullest implications of the Throne failing have never been explored either.

In any event, the death of the Emperor's physical body is theorized by some fans (and the Eldar in-universe) to have the potential to create a new Chaos God and a new Eye of Terror, assuming that the warp rift the Emperor was keeping closed doesn't create a new Eye of Terror first. The effect of Vulkan's talisman is a wildcard, as it was shown to have the capability to annihilate ''(not merely banish)'' a Greater Daemon even '''before''' it was connected to the Throne, and earlier in the same section the ''residual'' energy left over in the Emperor's fulgurite was sufficient to make an army of Bloodletters simply not be there any more. Connecting the talisman to the Throne magnifies its power to the point that the Emperor believes it would not merely deny Chaos their victory on Terra, but can strike a blow against them "the likes of which they will never recover from". Chaos may still get their warp rift, but may be burned badly by the Emperor's final "fuck you".

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. Various Horus Heresy novels present the Emperor as a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson, [[Alivia Sureka]] and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense. As for the question of why he simply didn't wait to resurrect into a spanking new body before being interred in the Throne, refer to that giant warp tear in the webway project and the *urgent* need to keep it sealed at all times.

All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]]. Too bad the Warp rift and the Astronomican don't have time to wait for him to do so.

A whole faction of the [[Inquisition]], '''Thorianism''', exists to investigate the possibility of regeneration; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.) That being said: This may be the best option if they can keep the Emperor powering the [[Astronomican]] with one body while having his mind in a different body wandering around.

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, whose top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

This is supported by Path Of Heaven, when Jaghatai Khan and the White Scars use the Dark Glass device to boogie woogie back to Terra. Much like Malcador, the one who uses the Dark Glass device is reduced to ashes just using it for a couple of moments, and the Dark Glass also has a Throne unit to control it, though it is described as the Golden Throne’s lesser cousin. The Golden Throne is described by the Chief Librarian using Dark Glass as “far greater, immensely more powerful, ''older, fouler, set deeper in the fabric of both reality and unreality.''”So just what ''is'' the Golden Throne? From way above, we know it’s a pain engine powerful enough to make a Haemonculus blush, those using it need to be powerful Psykers to actually control it, it consumes the souls of those who use it, unless that person also has innate regenerative capabilities (which, oh, let’s see, leaves us with basically Emps or Magnus), and it exists both in reality and in the Warp. The Emperor himself in Master of Mankind is evasive on where he found the “core” of the Throne. Now imagine you’re Rogal Dorn on the Vengeful Spirit and you’ve just found the bodies of Sanguinius and Horus and a dying Emprah. You race back to the Palace because surely Malcador, the only person to even come close to knowing the Emperor should be able to help, only to find him strapped to a machine that is literally turning him to dust. You have no idea what the hell this thing is (because you’re a good kid and keep out of dad’s basement) but your Father tells you to strap him into the thing. You do it, even though Pops is weak and it just Gammorah’d the last guy to sit in it. Not a great situation but you do what dad says. Now he’s stuck there, unable to regenerate but also unable to get up lest demons invade/that sun dad left in the Webway blows up. Fast forward 10,000+ years, you’re dead, and everyone is too stupid to realize it’s a fucking PAIN ENGINE and not a life support system. The Emperor was literally slapped into the equivalent of an infinite soul shriver while at his absolute weakest. If he could just stop sealing the Webway gate while someone else (Magnus) took a pew, he could possibly stretch his legs out and be right as rain. So maybe, just maybe, the Golden Throne breaking down isn’t a bad thing? (fuck, Age of the Emprah here we come)

Or someone could slap a good-ol' Gellar Field over the Webway portal, completely solving the problem. Doh! I forgot! That wouldn't be Grimdark! Shit.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], force the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the [[Illuminati]], a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the [[Sensei]] and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. Ultimately, all this would be rendered irrelevant as the Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away. It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place. Kinda like Schrödinger's Cat. Schrödinger's Space Dorf.
</div>
</div>

===Beyond the Emperor===
As stated in ''The Master of Mankind'', the Emperor himself considers he already lost the game to save Mankind's from consuming itself into the Warp while attempting to give the evolutionary jump, with the loss of the Webway he seems to have concluded the only thing that remains is a long decline and there is nothing else to do but to wage an ever losing war. Or is it? The Emperor himself recognized He isn't omniscient, His foresight can't reach all. When Guilliman shows up, the Emperor is amazed that humanity has still managed to survive and the Imperium is still alive.

During recent years the writers of Games Workshop have been hinting at a few facts, let us consider the following:
* The future is not absolutely written, and this comes from Chaos itself; even [[Tzeentch]] can't predict everything perfectly, requiring him to ask his [[Kairos Fateweaver|insane bird-oracle to clarify on these events]].
* The fall of the Imperium may be inevitable, but mankind may live on. Given the sheer scope of the human exodus, it's not outside the realm of possibility that some remnant of the Dark Age of Technology has continued unchanged from its original height, though it's very unlikely. For this to be the case it would somehow have to avoid nearly all xenos, chaos influence/worshipers, have its own way of dealing with latent psykers so that they don't be used be Daemons [[Enslavers|or worse]] and never have met any of the other traders, explorators and travelers in general that make up how the current Imperium discovers new planets.
* The [[Cadian Pylons]], while destroyed, were developed by beings that still exist. The fact the [[Necrons]] are still around opens the possibility that they may yet be capable of building replacements, and thanks to [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]] we know they are capable of closing of warp storms. Oh, and it seems like [[Belisarius_Cawl|Uncle Cawl]] is working on that.
* The Akashic Records truly exist and are somehow linked to [[STC|Ark Mechanicus ships such as Speranza]], this simple fact means all already existing knowledge is never lost forever, but merely incredibly hard to acquire.
* Creating humans immune to Chaos is a reality, both the [[Exorcists]] and the [[Grey Knights]] are evidence to this, and while the process is excruciatingly slow, highly prone to failure and prohibitive in resources it means Mankind can achieve through artificial means a sort of new evolutionary step.
* Not all Eldar died during the Fall, even if we are talking about 1 percent of the race it's still a great deal of individuals, and the fact they have managed to kick-start [[Ynnead|an anti-Chaos god]] is something no one, not even the Emperor managed to foresee (assuming he did not know that is what the Infinity Circuits were for, which he no doubt did considering how old he is). [[Eldrad]] has ultimately demonstrated there are other ways to fight Chaos (by being a dick).
** And thanks to Eldrad waking Ynnead up early (if only barely), Roboute Guilliman was awakened from stasis. Now he is preparing a [[Primaris Marines|new generation of Super Space Marines]] along with some awesome new gear to help take down Chaos. Plus some of the other loyalist Primarchs are still out there, and there is a possibility that they could return to help lead the Imperium fight it's many enemies.
** And for that matter, Eldrad declared by the end of The [[War of The Beast]] that the futures of Mankind and the Eldar are irrevocably interlinked. But, he did nothing to build on that, the dumbass. Add to that the fact the necrons too have given the Imperium a hand a few times and you suddenly notice there are more parties than the Emperor interested in not letting the human race fall. Despite the Imperium's completely justified hatred of xenos, they may be mankind's best chance of survival. That said, we still do have to remember that both the Eldar and Necrons want the Imperium and each other out of the way eventually in order to rebuild their empires, and the Imperium isn't keen on relying too heavily on the entities who will turn on them in a tip of the hat. On the other hand, desperate times call for desperate measures and who knows what the future could bring? Well, at least the Eldar to have more or less accepted their empire will never return and that sticking with the Imperium is their best bet for survival and power in the universe from now on. Which broke the balance and caused plot progression.
*Nobody saw the Tyranids coming because they hadn't even noticed the Galaxy was inhabited until the whole mess with the Pharos device. Not the Chaos Gods, not the Emperor, not the Eldar (though [[Orikan the Diviner|Orikan]] saw them coming), and the Tyranids are both an outside context issue for the galaxy (being the only faction with galactic pull that is completely and unambiguously disconnected from the War in Heaven or the Horus Heresy that serves as everyone else's origin stories) ties and a wild card in the fate of the Galaxy.
* If the Emperor wasn't a god to begin with, millennia of worship and countless psyker souls empowering him means that he's almost certainly a god now- and he knows it. Even when wielded by a "mere" Primarch his sword alone is capable of permanently destroying Greater Daemons (keep in mind that during Great Crusade and before he seems not to be able to do that), and given enough time his power might eclipse that of Chaos itself. (Though one could argue that Chaos powers up much faster than the Emperor due to having more sources to feed one and possibly having more worshippers)
* Finally, there is humanity itself. While He failed to take into account the fact that humanity is a mass of individuals rather than an abstraction, He also underestimated how this could work for good as well as evil. For every traitor and heretic, there is an equally devoted believer in the inherent goodness of mankind willing to stand against the Ruinous Powers, and it is on the individual level that the struggle between the Ruinous Powers and humanity is ultimately fought and decided upon.

Yes, the Emperor failed to avoid mankind's inherent flaws to hinder His Great Work (ironically, because He was guilty of several of them as well), but He also failed to see a lot of the good things mankind can bring in. In yet another twist of irony, his incapability to predict us may even thwart his own prediction of humanity's doom. At the very least, humanity accomplished more and survived longer than anyone expected, even the Emperor.

Indeed, this is [[Warhammer 40,000]], a cautionary tale about the End of Empires, but so was Warhammer Fantasy Battle, and, although we may not like the AoS-ification of the setting, there may still be more than [[Abaddon|just a complete failure]] for the future of Mankind and the Emperor.

'''Thought for the day:''' "The man who has nothing can still have faith."

== Gallery ==
{{SectionalPromotions}}
<center><gallery>
File:Emperor-Church windows.jpg|Put this everywhere to praise him, on your windows, the neighbours, just all your hive city.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|<s>Son, I am disappoint.</s> Empy's disappointment occurred well before this moment.
Image:E-Money_LowRes.gif|Now in animated ultra HD for your heresy needs.
Image:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
Image:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now bitches.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it. Or you'll get schooled.
Image:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
Image:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on some little bitch!
Image:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
Image:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!" Then again he never liked Horus in the first place.
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg|The Emperor isn't looking good here.
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
Image:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emps&SigmarGenderBendBy Flick The Thief.jpg| The same situation, but improved! {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''Silence Heretic!'''}}
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS! {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''Heresy!'''}} [[Extra Heresy]]!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher. {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''HERESY!'''}}, no make that [[Extra Heresy|extra Hersey]]
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this [[lovedagger|one]] is... nice. - {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''Heresy!'''}}
File:Cultist-chan creating a distraction by flick.jpg
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is actually fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete and utter failure.
Image:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form, and his theme tone!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDZoyNzuWbQ&t=10s
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world.
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:1393390057238.png|The Emperor is a man of simple tastes.
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|The very first image of the Emperor, dating back to Rogue Trader.
Image:God_Emperor_Numen_Kawai_Onii-chan.jpg|[[Drawfags|Kawaii]] [[End Times (Warhammer 40,000|Emprah teaching]] us about the evils of [[Heresy|heretics]], while displaying his mighty [[Pauldrons]].
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design (or if he actually cared about him), The Big E might not have been late for all of [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out a lot differently.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine what would had happened if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy and The Emperor didn't have to start the Great Crusade to go and look for them... Wait a minute, where is that little scamp Omegon? (he's just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course! Ketchup sold separately!"
File:Strolling Emperor.jpeg|Having him look at you like this is a reliable indicator of how soon people are going to start referring to you in past-tense.
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Malcador the Sigillite]], the Emperors best bro.
* The [[Primarch|Primarchs]], the Emperors "sons".
* [[Sigmar]], his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] and [[Age of Sigmar]] counterpart (especially in the latter).
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
[http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]]
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:40k and Fantasy Gods]][[Category:Awesome]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2020-07-21T20:45:41Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD:

{{awesome}}
<div style="text-align:left;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear!
- The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>
[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Conquering the galaxy is one thing, but He was so powerful He never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it. <s>At least until the whole 'Horus' thing, anyway.</s> {{BLAM}}]]
{{Topquote|Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please.|Niccoló Machiavelli}}
{{Topquote|The Emperor loves no one man. He cannot afford affection - that is the honest practical for the impossible task that faces the Master of Mankind. He did not love His sons, He does not love men, but He does love mankind.|[[Roboute Guilliman]]}}
{{Topquote|Well, ze Emperor's just zis guy, you know?|Gag Halfrunt}}

'''{{Blam|ALL HAIL THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MANKIND!!!}}'''

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big Daddy Emps''', '''The Motherfucking Emperor''', '''Big E''', '''Mr. Xeno Destroyer''', '''Chaos Fister''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Deus-Imperator''', '''Primogenitor''', '''[[Salamanders|The Outlander]]''', '''[[Imperial Fists|Him on Earth]]''', '''[[Space Wolves|All-Father]]''', '''[[Space Sharks|Rangu]]''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''The Immortal Emperor''', '''The Golden King''', '''[[Adeptus Mechanicus|The Omnissiah]]''', '''The Cartomancer''', '''The Empinator''', '''The Fresh Emperor of Sacred Terra''','''That guy with the bigger gun than you''', '''Space Jesus''', '''[[/tg/|/tg/]]''', [[TTS|'''The Man-Emperor of Mankind''']], '''Glorious Overlord''', '''Lord of Bling''', [[TTS|'''My Manly Man-peror''']], '''Lord Sovereign of the Imperium''', [[TTS|'''Starman''']], ''' The King of Terra''' or if you are of [[Heresy|different inclinations]], called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Corpse Emperor''', '''That Twat with the Chair''', '''Space Hitler''',
'''[[If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device|That Loony Shaman-Chassis]]''', '''[[Tyranid|giant crunchy psychic sandwich]]''', '''[https://youtu.be/zlRbWLgLHg8?t=1338 Jimmy Space, creator of the Space Marines]''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the almost-but-not-entirely-figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe. He has been enthroned on (or rather in) a life-sustaining device known as the Golden Throne for the last ten millenia and is nigh-on unable to communicate or influence things directly, so day-to-day ruling is done without (and too often in spite of) Him. But on the other hand He is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|hope]] for Humanity as faith in him is the only [[fluff]]-wise way humans can counter the insidious whispers of [[Chaos Gods|Ruin]], and the treacherous ways of the [[Xenos]]. Besides that, Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]] (and on the [[Navigator|Paternova]]).

The [[Administratum]] He ordered to be established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's [[Malcador|proper guidance]] is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior [[Commissar|yells]] at you, is treason and [[heresy]], typically punished by [[Blam|euthanasia]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 [[Primarchs]], who viewed him as their "father". However, thanks to a lot of retcons he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium, He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep],[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGZ97TiFGGg stentorian voice]. Though [[/v/|many]] also would expect him to speak more like another [[Kane|immortal who wishes to guide humanity to the path of Ascension, who may as well be one of his past guises.]] Clearly the cult of the extragalactic alien self replicating space rock thing didn't work out in the end so he had to try [[Grimdark|another approach]]. It would explain why he's so fond of impractically large tanks, walkers, mecha, incredibly unaerodynamic VTOLs and bling though.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==

===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a powerful [[psyker]] and <strike>(heavily implied to be)</strike> (Confirmed by GW) a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe, possibly in [[wikipedia:Göbekli Tepe|Göbekli Tepe]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction, or as it's known on the street, a "fucking heart attack". Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders (which he defined to [[Slaanesh|refer to himself specifically]]): setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years. Considering that the Imperium's two-headed symbol was used by Hittites, Games Workshop, for all its flaws and pricing policies, can be given credit for doing his history homework. After that, he headed to the first cities of mankind in Sumeria to guide the start of human civilization.

[[File:Neoth-gigamesh-erda-siduri.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Neoth and Erda back in the ancient days of Chaldea, it all makes so much sense now.]]
According to Saturnine, one of the Emperor's earliest names was Neoth, in the time shortly after leaving His home and tribe. In the "time of the First Cities" Neoth had become a warlord and king. There He met Erda, a perpetual like Himself, who become one of His closest companions throughout history, by His side up until she caused the Scattering of the Primarchs. Neoth and Erda, father and mother of Primarchs.

''According to 1st & 2nd edition fluff'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. On the other hand, they also wouldn't have had the memories and soul-stuff of all those shamans telling them what to do. (This theory would go a long way to explaining the seemingly contradictory behaviors of the Emperor - all those shamans have disagreements and Big E has to listen to it all.) The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)'' and name him Anathema. Yet other fluff tidbits (including a C'Tan who dismissively described him as a "weapon" rather than a God) imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation.

Lore also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, and many of the probable identities of the Emperor in World History may include but are not limited to Hammurabi (the first man to invent the concept of Written Law), Alexander the Great (the most fabulous conqueror in all of History, with the philosopher Aristotle as his teacher), Julius Caesar (guess why the Imperium spoke Latin), Jesus (as demonstration of his supernatural God-like status and abilities and that He will sacrifice Himself for the progress of Humanity; which is a symbolic idea, [[Skub|as pre-retcon the lore leaned towards the Emperor being one of Jesus' disciples]]), Napoleon Bonaparte (to dismantle the old stagnating monarchies of Europe and replace them with Revolutionary ideals). And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]] ([[If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device|Yup, he used to be an asshole. A handsome, musclebound asshole.]] At least before he got wiser) and HE-MAN.

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting. Just remember to take stuff with a grain of salt, since, [[Retcon|you know]].

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet [[Molech]], where he passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here, he either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
{{Topquote|‘You…’ repeated Uriah, the pain in his bones no match for the pain in his heart. ‘You are the… the… Emperor…’ ‘I am, and it is time to go, Uriah,’ said the Emperor. Uriah looked around at his now gleaming and brightly lit church. ‘Go? Go where? [[Imperial Truth|There is nowhere else for me in this godless world of yours.’]]|[[The Last Church]]}}
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using the classic "join-me-or-die" strategy, he managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with Luna and the Mechanicum of Mars. When dealing with Mars, He called Himself the [[Omnissiah]], and convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a useful lie, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated, ignoring or forgetting what happened to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_Union| real]-[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pol_Pot| life] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_in_North_Korea| societies] that tried to throw faith and religion under the bus without molding the society towards abandoning religion willingly. He constructed this lie because he believed that belief in such things was feeding the Chaos Gods, [[Fail|but it turns out he had it backwards, and that such belief, being dedicated specifically to osmething other than said gods, was in fact starving them]].

Exception where's He's not a perfect badass? [[The Last Church]]. It is permissible to substitute the voice of whatever angry militant atheist appeals to you most/least for the duration of this one (short) story. Also, according to that same story, this asshole wiped out Scandinavia, <strike>[[Viking|right when Scandinavia was getting fun again]]</strike> [[The_End_Times|well well well, considering what they did]] [[Warhammer_Fantasy_Battle|to the other setting no one here is gonna miss them any time soon]]. According to the Horus Heresy books that mention the Unification Wars, He burned down a lot of things on a partially recovering Terra.

===Great Crusade===
Now that he was in control the Emperor had a relatively short to-do list, he wanted to: Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes, unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, and most importantly, prevent another calamity like the [[Age of Strife]] or [[Fall of the Eldar]].

In order to achieve this He had to shelter and protect humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]], reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station, and eliminate anyone who threatened his vision of humanity in any way.

But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He supposedly ''acquired'' from the Chaos Gods (or so the treacherous space cancers claim) into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate [[Heresy|(just like how daemons are born!)]] into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique quasi-daemonic (angelic?) soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body.

Each of these Primarchs were to have their place: Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark, they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway shield (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

It was a good plan for building an intergalactic empire, But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

Unfortunately things went off to a rocky start before he even began: since the Primarch's power was ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four would inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends, so they snatched the Primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic samples were left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]].

So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to restore mankind to its [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|rightful place as rulers of the galaxy.]]

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them may have been executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebelled against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favourite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the Golden Throne. On that day, an untold amount of manly tears was shed. Something seems to have gone wrong though, as the Golden Throne didn't manage to do its job and the Emperor managed to die sometime between the Horus Heresy and M41, although whatever's left of him still sticks around his corpse.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and if nothing was done... presumably the Emperor would be deader? In any case nobody wants to find out, as the Golden Throne is breaking apart the Mechanicus and certain elements at the top of the Imperium tries to contact the Dark Eldar for knowledge on how to repair the thing. ''The Carrion Throne'' reveals that a [[Haemonculus]] did make it to Terra, he is hunted down by the Inquisitor and the Custodes. The cheeky psycho doctor had absolutely no intention of repairing the thing but wanted to instead marvel upon the largest and greatest psychic pain machine ever constructed that made even a [[Haemonculus]] stand in utter awe, and look the cadaver buried within right in the eye sockets before both it and the machine ultimately died.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
{{Topquote|1=The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]|2=[[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor. <s>Interestingly, no leader, or warlord</s> HERESY!!!}}

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker <s>alive</s> around, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken [[Webway]] gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. Their fear of him cannot be overstated: during a discussion between Ku'Gath and Mortarion, you'd think Ku'Gath was referencing Morgoth. The idea his gathering strength terrified Ku'Gath to the point he feels they're dead if he's active and won't even say his name; whatever Emps is, Chaos is THAT scared of him. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born (though seeing as how he's been dead for quite a while and that hasn't happened, their fears are likely unfounded).

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, [[Ferrus Manus]] included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending ...ends... the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, [[Conan the Barbarian]], [[meme|Chuck Norris]], Christopher Lee, Tommy Wiseau, Keanu Reeves, and Jesus.

Overall the Emperor has always had a strong desire to protect and shepherd humanity, even if his methods are a bit... [[Blam|unorthodox]]. His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to his power and foresight made the Emperor as close to a Farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (though at the time he got the whole thing backwards, since said religions were starving the Chaos gods), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), originally loved the Primarchs as his sons (and then retconned into caring little for the Primarchs being His actual sons. But tools to be disposed of like in a game of Chess.. In "The Outcast dead" he even sort of says outright that he sacrificed Ferrus Manus because he knew he could not win the war and that the most he could hope for was a stalemate, i.e. prevent Chaos from winning), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... all because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path".

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of all of humanity's dictators in history (ironically that may have been [[A Game of Pretend|past personas]] of the Emperor). Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brothers better than Lupercal the First, and Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy since his goal was for humanity to be governed by humanity (as he clearly said to Lorgar in "The First Heretic". "This is not my Imperium, it is humanitys". Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, were better suited and needed as generals for the Great Crusade. Stil the whole theory that the Emperor wanted to dispose of the Primarchs once they ceased being useful is utter horseshit, for why would he have created living rooms for all of his sons in the Emperor's palace. And why create 20, functionally immortal tools if he had no plans for them following the crusade. Either way, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration, having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation (no matter how bad that idea played out in practice).

After Big E was nearly killed by his favourite son / tool, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia, presumably because he later died. Most of the fluff maintains that His mere existence since then has been living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter).... and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that he will just sit there and remain dead. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite and death's not the handicap it used to be, because it gives Him a fuckton of work to do. Along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, he also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?).

That being said, his love of humanity doesn't exactly extend to his sons. In older lore it did, however, in the retconned lore the Emperor himself states to [[Arkhan Land]] ''(the guy who discovered '''Land's''' Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his literal sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on personas for every occasion (during the meeting, Land saw him as not as a gold armoured god, but as an utterly logical scientist and the Emperor had the whole shtick of people interpreting his words in the manner that made the most sense to them personally) who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels. There must have been a reason why he prevented Vulkan from going completely batshit insane when he was killed over and over by his brother Konrad Kurze after all... but to say it in Guillimans own words (from memory) "our father never loved us, but he certainly does love humanity". Also Guilliman reflects that Big E could not have afforded deep affection for any of his sons, so lets see how the final confrontation between Horus on roid rage and Big E will play out in the end - as in older fluff Big E held back because he couldn't bring it upon himself to snuff out his most favoured son (and it did not read like in "my most favoured screw driver" kind of way). But in the end, despite being the most powerful psyker to have ever lived he may still have been "human" after all, and every living being has emotions. So maybe his biggest "flaw" (if you want to call it such) may have been that he might not have been able to separate himself from his sons (err I mean toolbox) as he would have hoped for.

*On that note, Aaron Demski-Bowden has insisted that nothing the Emperor says in Master of Mankind should be taken at face value. Moreover, the Emperor is inconsistent in how He describes the Primarchs. While He uses numbers and "it" when talking to Ra and Land, at the end of a book He's referring to Horus by name and as a "he", not an "it". AD-B has doggedly refused to clarify, because he enjoys watching the arguments he's kicked off.
*However, in [[Laurie Goulding]]'s audiobook: Malcador First Lord of the Imperium; Malcador pretty much spells out exactly the same thing, saying that the primarchs were designed to be ''"conqueror's tools and nothing more"'', and had been manipulated into conflict with each other from the very start so that they would eventually destroy each other and pave the way for a "human" civilisation, rather than a "transhuman" one and that the Horus Heresy was always [[Just as Planned|part of the plan]]. He does later have a minor breakdown and admit that he was forced to lie though, but is not clear on what elements. As a result, it is entirely possible (and in fact more likely) that there was no such plan to have the Primarchs destroy each other and that Malcador was merely trying to hide the fact that things had gone off the rails. This is confirmed in ''The Board Is Set'' short story by [[Gav Thorpe]], which seemingly reconfirms Malcador's admission as the the Big E and His bestie play a game of cards with each Primarch represented (heavily implied). In such a game, Mal takes the role of "Warmaster" ''(symbolically representing [[Chaos]])'' whilst Big E played the position of the "Emperor". The two play out the entire events of the Horus Heresy and even hypothetical scenarios had they played each Primarch differently against the others, though they still get caught off guard from time to time as the rules change unexpectedly. Though Malcador only belated understands that considering this was a symbolic game of "what if?" rather than simply a means of devising strategy. So, while Emps and Mal were partly responsible for the current state of everything; if Malcador's "lie" was that it was all planned and that everything was under control, then the truth would be an acknowledgement that their opponents ''(the Chaos Gods)'' actually existed which was something they had been denying for centuries. Now they were backed into a corner and desperately scrambling to find a solution that didn't fuck everything.

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]] through the broken remains of the Imperial Webway (in the form of a golden sun), while additionally sustaining and managing the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

An interesting theory is that if Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act then maybe Empy has gained all human souls since he got put on that Throne {see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp (and all that [[Infinity Circuit|stuff]] the Eldar get up to).

A question that remained unanswered for a long time is that, is the above thing the only thing he is capable of doing these days? Or can he communicate with others? In the past few supplicants were allowed an audience with the Emperor though the fluff's always been iffy on whether or not they talked, or if it was more a spiritual visit to a shrine. The recent advance in the timeline revealed that the newly revived Guilliman had an audience with him for a whole day in which they did talk (and he still seems to have some sort of connection to the Custodes), so yes, he can. But then, what is he [[Black_Crusade| waiting for]] [[Emperor%27s_To-Do_List| before]] waking the [[Lion_El%27Jonson| sleepy beauty ]] up? It could be that he literally couldn't talk to anyone before that, considering that even Guilliman shuddered at the thought of the mental sand blasting that was speaking with the Emperor. It's possible the same communion might destroy a mortal, or kill the comatose Lion by accident. Perhaps the only thing stopping the Emperor from direct governance of the Imperium is his psychic voice delivering the equivalent of an Ordinatus blast every time he uses it, so he cannot chastise the incompetence of the High Lords for fear of killing them outright.

Speaking of talking to him, when Roboute was revived from stasis and finally got to Terra to talk to dad, Roboute noted the Emperor regarded him with the interest one would regard a tool. He also reflects on how he feels that the Emperor's psychic might has grown since his death, but that his humanity has gone as well, to the point that Guilliman thinks that even if he is a god he doesn't deserve to be worshiped. However, following the Plague Wars Guilliman has considered the possibility that his ascension may have been a plan B for humanity following the failure of the Imperial Truth, and both [[Mortarion]] and [[Ku'Gath]] believe the Emperor is gathering energy to create what they call an "Unliving Legion".

{{Topquote|He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...|Magnus the Red}}

In contrast to the above quote, the Emperor (and the Imperium as a byproduct) fucking hates aliens, though not without reason. During the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, [[loot]]ed or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, or <s>possessed a planet</s>, influenced human culture at all. Ever since His ascension, the Imperium mostly forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated, but on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Asdrubael Vect|massive]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the [[Interex|Interex/Diasporex]]).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. [[Graham McNeill]] generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), [[Dan Abnett]] portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while [[Aaron Dembski-Bowden]] portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

On another note, [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|long before the Horus Heresy novel series]], there were hidden gems Noobs are not aware of, such as a text describing the fight between Horus and the Emperor (although it wasn't written especially well), or Conspiracy Theories. One of them was actually the possibility that the Emperor was already dead when Rogal Dorn managed to reach him; however, in the aforementioned text, [[Luther|Horus had realised that he had been wronged and deceived]] by the [[Assholetep|Chaos Gods]], who immediately ceased to possessed the Warmaster and fled before the Emperor's final Force attack [[FATAL|bring woe to both of them]]. What if the Emperor had spared him or if the Warmaster survived somehow? In Olden Fluff, all Primarchs were Psykers and originally supposed to be [[Grey Knight|shining examplars of Human free from the taint of the Empyrean]] which they failed to bear true potential due to their early contact with the Warp, via the Dark Gods abducting them pedobear style.

This in turn was what caused their mutations and unique characteristics and diversity which was more of a metaphor that each Primarch was an image of humanity themselves; in fact, much of the powers of the Primarchs, like the Emperor, would have come from their psychic abilities. It is known that [[Sensei]]'s powers include health, regeneration, greater athletic prowess and [[God Stat|overpowering their Strength stat]] when they try to attack something, thus it would not be surprising if it was also the case for Primarchs (baby Sanguinius was super healthy and immune to Baal's radiations, Curze crawled out of his molten drop-pod and crater while screaming in pain and fled immediately, instinctively, into the darkness, and later his body was fully healed) prior to the new fluff messing everything up, 'cause BL writers have trouble getting their shit together.

But back to where we are; the notion that the Emperor was dead forebodes a terrible possibility, in which [[Pretend|the corpse that Rogal Dorn took back on Terra's Imperial Palace was not Big E but of Horus being passed as the Emperor... and was worshipped as such for Ten Thousand Years]]. While [[Retcon|this has become highly unlikely]], it would both be a great and GRIMDARK [[Just As Planned|plot twist]] and an immense source of [[Lulz]] especially when you mix in the events of Gathering Storm 3 with [[Roboute Guilliman]].

===On His Pragmatism and Flaws===
The Emperor was a firm believer that the ends justified the means and was pragmatic in the extreme, and yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on the Imperium being constantly at war. Even if the Great Crusade had [[Just as Planned|proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected]], it still would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a few trillion newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands and no other purpose in life beyond said killing...well, they tend to get rowdy. He should have realized this already when he had to mop up the surviving [[Thunder Warriors]]. It remains unknown how the Imperium would have continued to look after the Great Crusade was completed and how the large military would be scaled down- or if such a feat could even be possible with a civilization he designed to work only in the presence of a steady stream of conquests. Sure, some of the primarchs and legions had other skills like Guilliman's political organization, but the rank-and-file? Or the likes of the [[World Eaters]]? There are hints that he might have planned to fix that by arranging the Primarchs to come to blows with each other, [[Horus Heresy|but we all know exactly how well ''that'' turned out]]- which if anything makes him look even more foolish as a result.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity as a whole belied his refusal to acknowledge that humanity was not just a species, but also a group of individuals with infinite variety and whose goals did not necessarily support His own. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own (granted what they did makes them partially responsible for the setting being so fucked) and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant nothing to him/his plan. In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction even (or ''especially'') if they were doing a better job than he was. In effect, all his efforts were performed in the name of an abstraction that arguably '''never existed in the first place'''.
*He made a critical mistake in that trying to erase religion without replacing it with secular ideals that had the same degree of universal appeal. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was the [[Age of Strife|Old Night]]. The Imperial Truth tried to do this, but it didn't take into account that "reason", "logic", and "humanism" were by definition too mundane to be suited for the replacement of the old religions, as they were poor substitutes for finding individual meaning. The fact that the Imperial Cult took off so quickly after the Emperor's internment on the Golden Throne (and is arguably the only thing keeping the Imperium a remotely unified entity in the present) is proof that the Emperor was once again either too stubborn for his own good or too divorced from the "normal" human condition to understand the value of belief. Most likely the latter, the Khan recounts scrambling to even converse with the Emperor, Custodes have an internal study schools to try figure out out what ''exactly'' he meant in his orders and how it applies to the modern day. Yes, his Companions have what are basically rabbis Talmudically mulling over every syllable the Emperor ever uttered. In either case, all it accomplished was giving all four of the Ruinous Powers a reason to get rid of him, while also giving them an invaluable tool to do so in the form of Lorgar. And all while he was telling the Primarchs that daemons were just another Xenos race in an ill-advised attempt to dispense with their mythological appearance and obvious possession of supernatural powers. This attempt left them vulnerable for Chaotic corruption among themselves or their Legions. Yes, He gave them incredibly vague warnings, but those were not even close to the amount of information He needed to give them. Or, for those of us who think this sounds just a little bit religious for our tastes and don't want to get into a philosophical debate over the importance of belief, imagine the trillions of citizens who had gone their whole lives worshiping a belief only to have ol' Emps turn up and just say "No" without a word of explanation.
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident. It's not a stretch to hypothesize that this was itself a ploy for him to use the collective psychic power of humanity to elevate himself to the status of godhood, where he could truly rule with infinite power.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the [[Old Ones]], and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless if or when the Warp completely breaks through into the Webway.
**The so-called mistakes and subsequent "Fall" of the Eldar [[Lileath|may have been foreseen]] and [[Morai-Heg|apparently planned for]]. By the close of the 41st Millennium, the psychic gestalt of the conscious-dead Eldar have formed the new god [[Ynnead]], quite probably proving that willpower eventually counters [[Slaanesh|desire]] and completing the Eldar's psychic ascension as a species. The Emperor may not have been aware of this and humanity's own psychic awakening may not have been as tragic, but to give him credit, his own endgame is somewhat similar in wanting to nurture mankind's psychic ascension but without the catastrophe. He is possibly positioning himself to become the focus for humanity's willpower rather than needing enough souls to die before they gestalt together, becoming a guiding will rather than a collective one.
*Most damningly of all, his total disregard for the possibility that the Primarchs might actually have their own thoughts and feelings ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos in the first place:
**The humiliation of Lorgar was the ultimate catalyst for the Horus Heresy, and is probably the most colossal failure the Emperor has ever produced. This event is what showed the future "heretics" (and us) who the Emperor truly is behind his charisma and lofty dreams. Lorgar was so enthralled with his father that he not only worshipped him as a god but made it his life's goal to convince others to do so as well. He built gleaming monuments and cities in His name. He trained an entire legion to glorify their perfect and benevolent father. Suddenly, the Ultramarines descend and obliterate the greatest of Lorgar's cities and the Emperor himself forces Lorgar's entire legion to kneel before the invaders. The Emperor tells his most admiring son that he, alone of all his brothers, has failed. It would be as if God set Vatican City on fire, kicked the pope over, put out the fire by covering him in dog shit, and then told him to quit being such a fucking pussy. The main thing this incident says about Lorgar is that he's such a tough motherfucker that he didn't break down completely forever or kill himself upon the revelation that the most powerful and perfect being he can even imagine hates him, personally. The Emperor took the leader of the most powerful religious organization in the galaxy and kicked him straight into the claws of evil gods powered by belief. However, the biggest irony, considering that religion is the only power that can counterattack and fend off Chaos, and Ecclesiarchy is doing just that for several millenia using very book that Lorgar wrote, Emperor basically threw out the smartest and safest option to counter Chaos due to his stupidity and narrow-mindness. (Unless it really WAS a test as [[Traitor_Legion_Loyalists#Known_Loyalist_Members_of_the_Traitor_Legions|the Anchorite]] believe).
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred. Instead he could have earned Angron's undying love, furious loyalty and the worst case, a martyr Primarch who'd die from the nails and gotten rid of: was one fucked up dusty planet's short term compliance worth the whole shit roller coaster, we will never know. Why a <s>man</s> <s>superman</s> Primarch (god damn it!) who knew only killing (not even war, just murdering people with MURDER NAILS JAMMED IN HIS BRAIN), and is traumatized to ETERNALLY HATE HIS LORD should be controlling 100,000+ Space Marines is something only the Emperor and his divine ass can fathom.
**[[Fulgrim]]'s road to damnation started because he decided to loot a Slaaneshi-possessed sword. Knowing nothing about Chaos, Fulgrim had no idea he was using an incredibly dangerous warp artifact that that would lead to untold consequences. It didn't help that his strict xenophobic teachings prevented Fulgrim from taking [[Eldrad]]'s advice about the Laer Blade into account.
**Even with the Webway fuck-up (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had brought Magnus to the Great Work earlier, or had him stationed on Terra along with Dorn, or even just listened to his warning that Horus had turned traitor. Instead, he totally disregarded Magnus's entirely correct warning in favor of allowing Russ (the one Primarch who most wanted Magnus dead) to arrest him because he didn't like the way said warning was delivered. And with the door already broken, he could have simply psy-phoned Magnus to clear it all up instead of jumping to conclusions. Then again, Magnus wouldn't even comply to his demand to stop practising sorcery...
**Similarly to Angron, [[Mortarion]] always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**The Emperor, being the wisest and most powerful human psyker in the galaxy of all people, should have been able to see that [[Konrad Curze]] was an unstable psyker who was on the fast road to devolving into insanity due to his uncontrolled talents. And if he already was aware of it, then at best he was being incredibly careless. And what with the whole Night Lords comprise of criminals, one must really question his divine quality control. Or maybe he is just totally rely on his <s>large</s> huge brain capacity to manage things, and simply dismiss things that can't fit in.
**Completely ignoring that [[Perturabo]] needlessly had one in ten men in his legion killed by decimation under flimsy pretenses. Coupled with the fact that Perturabo was originally a peaceful, diplomatic soul; these two should have triggered some alarm bells about his mental stability. While it was said that the Emperor considers the Primarchs more of tools and less of his children, in retrospect it was obvious that there was plenty of [[Rogal Dorn|favoritism]] going on. Seriously, why can't the Big E act like a spiritual psychiatrist for ONE FUCKING MOMENT?
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealized, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he, the other Primarchs, and the Astartes as a whole would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. (Horus likely being aware of what happened to the [[Thunder Warriors]] when they outlived their usefulness at the end of the Unification Wars probably stoked that particular fire nicely.) You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved 'son' would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer, but no.
**Perhaps the biggest kicker to this is that if we're going to take all of Black Library into account, the Emperor never truly cared for the Primarchs at all (loyalist and traitor included), viewing them as nothing more than powerful but ultimately expendable tools to further the ambitions of Humanity's survival and ascendancy. As determined by the Emperor, of course.
***Although one can always argue that the remaining Primarchs stayed loyal either because they believed in his vision for humanity or were too loyal to be turned, there's no telling exactly how long that might have gone on after the Great Crusade's end - some of them showed signs of disloyalty to the Emperor even during the Heresy, only staying on his side either out of loyalty to Mankind as a whole (Guilliman and his [[Imperium Secundus]] come to mind here), by recognizing the other side as an even greater evil (like Jaghatai), or only because the Imperium is on the winning side (if Curze's trolling was true; The Lion, which probably isn't true considering he stabbed him in the next paragraph and told Curze that he didn't care and that he was balls-to-the-wall loyal).
***To clarify the above point, after Guilliman's meeting with the Emperor following the Primarch's revival, he noted that while he loved humanity as a whole, the Emperor was practically incapable of caring about individual people, even the Primarchs. Everything and everyone was just a tool to him. While some might interpret this as the Emperor simply being a dick, you have to understand his situation; he's an immortal superhuman with a plan to uplift humanity. The fact he's immortal means he would be unable to form any meaningful relationships with mortals, because he'll always outlast them in one way or another. His plan also involved tons of sacrifices for the <s>greater good</s> {{Blam|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!'''}}, common good, when you're forced to sacrifice anything to continue your plans; you can't afford to be too attached to someone you might have to throw into the fire in a split second. The Emprah is cursed to always looking forward to the endless road of the future, so he can never live in nor understand the concept of the present. As a result, his plans failed to account for the fact others might not just meekly go along with his plans without question and became further detached from the real human condition.
*Overall, and quite ironically, the main reason why the Emperor's plan was doomed to fail in time was because while the Emperor understood the path on what humanity must take for a brighter future, he himself was either unable or unwilling to understand humanity. Instead, he chose to remain distant from them and act like he was above their understanding, and that they should just simply follow him because he's the Emperor and he alone knows what's best for humanity, because shut up or be on the receiving end of a boltgun. (Even more ironically, this was how the majority of the gods that humanity originally believed in acted as well, and at least they had the excuse that they really were divine. For all his efforts to remove religion, the Emperor played the part of a god hilariously well.) Lastly, maybe the Emperor understood that his Primarchs were unstable and unreliable. Given the issues with the Thunder Warrior's he had to know all of this was coming eventually just from past experience. But it's possible he just didn't expect it to be in the form of a team death match. He could see Kurze being unstable enough eventually that he and his Legion would need to be removed but expected it to be individual Legions and Primarchs that would need censure but couldn't foresee his own flaws causing enough gulfs with each of his Primarchs that they would have a reason to band together. If that was the case, he was a poor father and a poor leader not to see his own arrogance as a flaw in his design. If it is true that he had always intended the Primarchs' rivalries to grow to the point that they would begin fighting each other, all of the above is even more damning since it means he had made them flawed on purpose and yet failed to see how Chaos would gladly exploit said flaws at the first opportunity it got.

On another note, the fact his ossified self has managed to shed tears and there was an incident where everyone across the Imperium saw statues of the Emperor weeping tears of blood due the incoming disasters of the End Times may mean that he has finally started to realize how horribly he fucked up on every possible level. Or maybe it's hurting even more than ever to stay sit at the Golden Throne.

The latter is far more likely; according to Roboute Guilliman, when he met with the Emperor after his revival, He treated Guilliman as a mere tool without showing even the faintest display of affection or care for him as a person. One can only assume that 10,000 years on the Golden Throne has done absolutely nothing to make the Emperor be less of an asshole; in fact, he's described as being human in name alone, and Guilliman believes that [[HERESY|even if he is a god he doesn't deserve to be worshipped.]]

tl;dr He was a horribly flawed but still well-meaning OCD workaholic with a "The needs of the many" outlook on life meaning he couldn't afford to show trust, love or compassion to anything but mankind as a whole, not even his "sons". Ultimately however even though his complete separation from the human condition helped him make the hard decisions, it was a decision he paid the ultimate price for and a large contributor to the Horus Heresy being as terrible as it was. If you have experience in pedagogy, he is your typical working dad who can't spare time to raise sons and makes *very* bad, fatigue influenced decisions, and after they grow up, wonders why they grow to hate him/be distant. Add the lack of a loving mother figure for the kids, and [[Horus Heresy|well...]]

====Planning for the Horus Heresy====

To throw a spanner into the works when considering whatever the Emperor's "goals" might have been: A very interesting claim was made by Malcador himself to his dying confidante Sibel Niasta that the Heresy was all [[Just as planned|part of the plan]], that the Primarchs were designed as "conquering tools and nothing more", set on course to fight for dominance and eventually turn on each other and challenge the Emperor directly. This is corroborated by what we already "knew" from ''Master of Mankind'' and the Emperor's own attitudes towards the Primarchs ''(which admittedly has constantly been shown to be shifting. As has been frequently pointed out the final confrontation between Horus and the Emperor - as we currently know it - would not make any sense if he merely considered them to be disposable tools anyway. Why "hold back" then to start out with?)''. The Primarchs were manipulated against each other with [[Rogal Dorn|unequal]] [[Perturabo|favour]], jealousies stoked in order to achieve this, and he also claims that those who [[Magnus|would not be manipulated]] [[Primarch#Two Missing Primarchs|never reach the end game.]] What is not certain is whether he was speaking the ''whole'' truth since he does later admit privately just after the conversation that he had to lie to mortals to spare their sorrow, so what parts he "lied" about are uncertain ''(he could've made the whole "just as planned" story up, it could've all been true and he was regretting manipulating the Primarchs and their legions, it could even refer to a single sentence where he implies that the Emperor will save her soul after death)''; he also admits that the outcome had been altered by the [[Chaos Gods|great enemy]] who had emboldened their champions and started the battle early so he did not know with absolute certainty how it was going to turn out.

However, as shown from ''"The Board is Set"'' or the novel "The Outcast dead" Malcador and the Emperor were certainly shown to have considerable amounts of foreknowledge regarding the Horus Heresy and certainly ''did'' play the Primarchs against each other in order to attempt to counter the manipulations of Chaos. However in the Board is Set, Malcador is shown that the Primarch's destinies were not necessarily fixed and could have been played in different ways; some [[Ferrus Manus|Primarchs]] were [[Sanguinius|sacrificed]] for greater goals like you would remove a figure from the board to give you a better edge. Whilst the Emperor had the knowledge that certain [[Roboute Guilliman|others]] were crucial to final victory. Malcador is also shown to not have been aware of the full plan or the flow of destinies; he is unaware of how certain seeming "winning" strategies are left unplayed because they have unexpected knock-on effects, or that certain moves played early or late could have had disastrous consequences.
*Such as why the [[Rogal Dorn|"Invincible Bastion"]] is not used to take the [[Horus|"Lord of Hearts"]] [[Battle of Phall|early on in the war]], since it would force both of the [[Alpharius|"Twin"]] pieces to switch sides to the Warmaster and be able move on the Emperor's home space and cause the game to be lost. This is also significant because it shows that whichever side the Primarch had joined could have been variable, and did not automatically mean that it was working towards the same goal as its leaders.
*Malcador was also surprised to find out that the game could be changed by factors they might be unaware of, such as the "Corruption" of the [[Mortarion|Lord of Clouds]] in the mid-game when they had expected him to resist like he had in their previous playthroughs. The Emperor appeared genuinely saddened by this change, hinting that he either still cared about them even when they had already turned against him, or that some Primarchs could have potentially been recovered and returned to the fold after the conflict had ended. Malcador was also shocked to think that the Emperor could be blind-sided by such an alteration; with Malcador only beginning to see the game for what it truly might have been, rather than simply a means of testing strategy.
*It is important to note that from the beginning of the game, the "Primarch" pieces were essentially blank slates, and only gained their unique shapes and identities as part of their first activations after the Scattering, possibly indicating that the Primarchs could have potentially switched roles with one another depending on the first few moves. ''(Perhaps Sanguinius could have become the Lord of Hearts? or Perturabo become the Invincible Bastion?)''
*Before the first move takes place, the pieces were arranged ten per side, which was more than available Primarchs at the time. The Emperor had his own golden piece but the "Lord of Hearts" began the game in blue and became switched in the first move ''(giving the Warmaster eleven pieces after the first move)'' while the "Twins" would not be divided until the second move, providing twenty-one pieces on the board. Ignoring the additional piece ''"the Fool"'' that Malcador had never seen before, means that there must have been one other significant player somewhere that we are not aware about. That and the division of units under the control of the "Emperor" and [[Chaos|"Warmaster"]] in the game would have been very different from the apparent division of Loyalist/Traitor Primarchs in the actual conflict, meaning that the roles they played and were expected to play '''did''' change drastically as the game progressed.

Taking several factors into account, it is absolutely certain that Malcador and the Emperor had enough foreknowledge to know that the Horus Heresy was going to happen from the point of the '''Scattering''' onward. To say that it was all part of his "Grand Plan" would be a stretch, that many of the Primarchs had municipal gifts ''(Perturabo's architectural mastery, Fulgrim's artistry etc)'', came with purposes suited to the Emperor's grand plan for a post-human society ''(Magnus' and the Webway, Mortarion as a witchseeker)'' and he definitely [[Vulkan|created one of them]] [[Perpetual|"different"]] from the rest with the explicit purpose of teaching the others how to settle down after a lifetime of war shows that the Emperor probably did have a plan for his Primarchs that didn't involve losing half of them and then chaining himself to the Golden Throne. Otherwise why make twenty Primarchs with gifts related to your post-battle plans in the first place if you knew you were going to lose half of them? People who claim that this outcome was all part of the Emperor's plan have either missed or forgotten the fact that his opponent in the "game" was Chaos, and not Malcador ''(Malcador and Emps switched places several times in their playthroughs which Malcador thought was just a means of testing strategy until it finally dawned on him that there was more to it)'' and that the Chaos Gods had their own plans for the Primarchs too and were fully capable of changing the rules whenever it suited them. Not to mention the [[Cabal]]s of alien psykers manipulating humanity for their own outcome, [[Perpetual|Immortal humans]] that interfere with predictions of the future, and [[Watchers in the Dark|extradimensional beings]] trying to stop the primordial annihilator from manifesting all by making their own moves and causing more complications.

If anything; ''The Board is Set'' goes a long way in explaining why the Emperor couldn't do any more with his advanced notice of impending conflict as any wrong move he made could have immediately spelled disaster for humanity. Plus the Emperor's foresight was not perfect and it did not necessarily marry up with his practical knowledge; even though the game he played with Malcador showed the "[[Lion El'Jonson|Double Edged Sword]], [[Roboute Guilliman|The Uncrowned Monarch]] and [[Sanguinius|The Angel]] spending most of the game off to the side, the Emperor had no idea [[Imperium Secundus|what they were actually doing]] until Malcador relayed the message from [[Leman Russ]]. His psychic foresight seems to have been shrouded in allegory and symbolism, rather than concrete certainty.

Also note that "destiny" is different from what the Primarchs were "designed" for ''(case in point: Magnus being designed to operate the Golden Throne, but also being destined to damage it)''. While Emperor had designed all of his Primarchs for specific tasks, he would not have been able to identify the destined role that each Primarch was meant to play until events had already been set into motion and pulled them onto certain paths. He might been able to guess that Magnus was "the Library" or that Dorn was the "Invincible Bastion" but could not have been certain until the first moves of the game had been made. So until then he could only treat the Primarchs according to their gifts; hailing them as heroes, building them statues and trying to steer them away from obvious sources of corruption such as [[Magnus|sorcery]] or [[Lorgar|religion]]. Even if the Emperor ''had'' suspected which ones would turn against him and tried to eliminate them before they became problems, their destinies could have unfolded in a completely different way, potentially causing a similar conflict to happen albeit with a different combination of playing pieces on the board, or alternatively sacrificing any control he might have actually had over the Primarchs and still have ended up with a disaster on his hands. Also bearing in mind that he still needed to complete the Great Crusade and his Webway project; to put those plans on hold until the issue with Primarchs had sorted themselves out would probably have done him no good either because like the Emperor himself, [[Chaos]] is capable of playing the long game.

[[Lorgar]] is an interesting issue: Malcador once claimed that if he could have saved just one of the traitor Primarchs, it should have been Lorgar. However, from the Board is Set, the Emperor points out that game doesn't start with any piece other than the "Chosen", strongly hinted to represent Lorgar with his initial swaying of Horus and thus beginning the Heresy. This implies that no matter what moves are planned for, or what Primarchs ended up on either side; Chaos will '''always''' have a "Chosen" piece to start the game with. If Horus had been protected, Lorgar might have simply started the conflict with someone else, making Chosen/Lorgar perhaps the more crucial piece. Though keep in mind that Malcador speaks with the benefit of hindsight, and as mentioned previously, the Emperor was not omniscient, it is possible that neither of them were to fully realise that Lorgar was the Chosen until the first move of the game had already been made. What is most tragic is that Lorgar ''really'' wanted the love and approval of his father and was probably the most fanatically loyal to him in the early days, so turning him into Chaos most pivotal piece is a cruel irony. If it were possible to have actually saved Lorgar before the conflict started, it would have probably unbalanced the game as Chaos would have been forced to find a different Primarch to fill the role of "Chosen", potentially upending the game altogether.

Until the end of the Heresy, Malcador was not actually aware of how the final conflict actually played out; having seen himself only as an advisor, he was ignorant of his own role. The Emperor showed him in the final days that his piece, "The Fool", would switch places with the Emperor to snatch victory and allow the [[Roboute Guilliman|"Uncrowned Monarch"]] to play his "Salvation" strategy and win the game against chaos by tearing the throat out of the serpent. Malcador's "lie" to his servant was most likely to provide the illusion of control; when in fact the Emperor and Malcador were desperately seeking to find an alternate solution that would not doom everyone. But pretty much like the Emperor stated in "The Outcast dead": "Sometimes the only victory possible is to keep [[Chaos|your opponent]] from winning.".

===But what does all that mean for The Duel?===
Yeah...about that. Regarding the Emperor's duel with Horus, we're all reasonably sure we know the old story. The Emperor faces down Horus, and had the power to roflstomp him, but his love for his favorite son prevented him from going all out, and Emps gets his ass kicked. It takes an extraordinarily callous killing by Horus to finally convince the Emperor that Horus is completely beyond saving, and Emps blasts him full power to put an end to the Horus Heresy. The rising problem here is that this version of events heavily relies on the Emperor's compassion (particularly towards his sons), compassion that the Horus Heresy books and Dark Imperium repeatedly assert that he ''never had'', either then or in the 41st millennium. For example, the Emperor put down his Thunder Warriors as soon as they served their purpose, and he didn't even pretend to care about Angron and his Butchers nails, asserting that he would keep him as long as he had a use for him, and so on. Anyway, without compassion, the duel scene in its current form simply does not work. After all Horus had done in the years before, in a room with the maimed corpse of Sanguinius, a loyal and beloved (as far as it goes with Big E, at least) son of his, there is really no way he would have gone all fatherly love on Horus and not just blasted him, or at least tried to. (Maybe the current form is Imperial propaganda trying to conceal the fact that Horus simply kicked his shiny golden ass for some reason?) So what the hell actually happened? A very good question, at this point. [[Laurie Goulding]] has implied that when the Heresy books finally get to it, the final duel may play out ''very'' differently from how we think we know it. It certainly wouldn't be the [[Ollanius Pius|first time it's been retconned]].

One possible explanation for why Emps' couldn't immediately obliterate Horus is perhaps due to divided attention and strength. During the fight, Malcador was being taxed to the core and maybe the Emps was lending his power to buy Malcador some more time and thus was not able to actually unleash his full strength on Horus. However, Malcador had already received the same speech about being used as a disposable pawn by the Emperor for the sake of the overall goal, and knew he was going to die anyway as the Throne-switcharoo had been planned before the traitors had even arrived at Terra, so the Emperor would have no reason to stall just to save one man, even if they were genuinely friends. The Emperor also knew in advance that the outcome would be his entombment on the Throne; when he found out about this he claimed that it was more than he expected but went so far as to tell his Custodians that his dream for the future of humanity was pretty much dead. Without the support of Magnus ''(who was always intended to sit on the Throne)'' unless someone came around with the knowledge to fix the Throne he would be trapped there until it it failed but according to his discussions with Malcador there was room for "[[Roboute Guilliman|Salvation]]" to come later. One other possible suggestion for why the Emperor might have stalled is perhaps his prescience glimpsed some preferable alternative to simply pasting Horus then and there, but until that gets resolved it can only be speculation.

On a rather related note, one can assume E-Money knew the tragic cases of Magnus, Curze & Angron and all of his sons through premonitions. Given that the future can be changed (as in the case of the Lion who feared the future of Curze) though not necessarily changed for the better or come without consequences ''(such as knowing that Rogal Dorn could have defeated Horus early in the war, but Alpharius would have assaulted Terra and resulted in a Chaos win anyway)'' the only options available to E-Money were to salvage the best he could from a shit situation.

Anyway, he is now stuck on the Throne guiding his subjects in the few ways available to him in his current state as an all-powerful vegetable.

Perhaps, or perhaps not, to have hesitated out of love for a son, the final weakness during the last test to save mankind, that would have shown why the Emperor couldn't afford to love anyone, not even his own sons, and turned him into what he is now. Though more recent fluff shows him to have always been more pragmatic than that. While he did seemingly care for his "sons", his foresight had shown him that half of them would turn to Chaos and move against him ''(whether or not you believe Malcador's statement that it was planned from the start)''. Perhaps he even saw that there would always be half the Primarchs turning to Chaos and all the Emperor could do was choose which ones and try to plan for them. Maybe the two missing Primarchs were dealt with just to try and reduce the number of Primarchs and Legions involved without crippling the Great Crusade. Though even with this foreknowledge, the Emperor was on the back foot and many of the actions of the Horus Heresy involved playing the Primarchs against each other to prevent an overall Chaos victory rather than achieving an Imperial win.

== ADB on the Emperor in Master of Mankind ==
TL;DR: Everyone whom has the chance to be in the Emperor's presence perceives something different, based on their own experiences and expectations. Nothing He ever says should be taken at face value, since it is 'warped' by the narrator's interpretation.

In response to criticisms on his portrayal of the Emperor, ADB posted this detailed answer:

''That's true, and I definitely wanted to bring out a better understanding of his vision and what he was up against, but that's also lore I'd wager anyone with a deep knowledge of the setting already had a handle on to some degree, whether explicitly or not. What I wanted to avoid was too much "new" stuff. You have to put in something new, and thankfully what little newness I do introduce in my work is seemingly well-regarded, but I've always said our job (as I see it) is to illustrate the setting and show what it's like to live there, not to set it in stone. As much as the fandom adores "advancing the storyline", it's not something that interests me, by and large. I try my best to show things from the perspectives of characters on the ground level, bring a few perceptions of the setting through the lens of my own imagination and the insight I'm lucky enough to get endlessly talking about the setting with its creators and inheritors, and then get out. Most of my books are, to some extent, not definitive. They're about Some Guy, not the entire faction.

''Grimaldus in Helsreach has no bond to the wider war on Armageddon and hates that he's been left behind by the Black Templars, but he's (hopefully) a good example of what it feels like to be a Black Templar, and to think like one, and - crucially - what it feels like to be a human around them. Talos and the other characters of First Claw spend a trilogy unable to decide what the Night Lords Legion really was, and each of them remembers their glory days differently. I didn't want to speak for the whole Legion. Hyperion in The Emperor's Gift is a largely generic Grey Knight present in dire circumstances. HH-wise, I didn't want to show all of the Word Bearers and base a book around the expectations of Kor Phaeron, Lorgar, and Erebus, so I focused on the Serrated Sun in the middle of the changes taking place across the galaxy. Savage Weapons is largely about Corswain, not about Curze and the Lion. The Master of Mankind is about Ra, Zephon, Jaya, and Land in the heart of the Emperor's plans for the species, not about the Emperor himself. As much as I wrote about Angron and Lorgar, they get significantly less in-their-heads screen time than most other primarchs in most other books.''

''It's harder to do that with the Heresy, but - again - I do my best to present individual experiences and mindsets in characters like Khârn, Argel Tal, and Ra, rather than definitive looks at the entire Chapter/Legion/faction and setting its events in stone. I try to present a feel for how it is to live inside that culture and be part of the experiences they go through; it's about immersion into the Chapter or Legion, presenting them as believable and real, not definitively saying "All of Chapter X are like Y."
''
''So: I'm reluctant to talk about TMoM and the Emperor's perception in that book in any real detail, partly because the book is still new and there's a lot individual readers would do better discovering for themselves without my thoughts in public, and partly because everything I'd say is ultimately in the book. Anything I say will be taken out of context or weaponised one way or another somewhere, and used in a way that makes me sigh, cringe, or a dramatic melange of both that shall hereafter be called the sigh-cringe.
''
''(Plus, most of all, I have faith in readers. They don't need me defining anything, even if it might be interesting for a few peeps.)''

''So, I'll just say this. The Master of Mankind is entirely from the perspectives of people that meet the Emperor in pretty specific circumstances. There are, obviously, other circumstances to come. Nothing in it is definitive, even less so than my usual work. Any definitive statement you can make about how the Emperor sees something or does something is almost always contradicted in the book itself. That's not an escape clause or an excuse. It's the point. Writing him definitively would've been the easiest and most disappointing thing in the world.
''
''(And on that note, remember, everyone views 40K differently. What Person X is absolutely certain is the truth of the Emperor and the best way to present him would be laughed off by Persons A, B, and C. The flip side to that is that not every perspective is founded in fact or understanding. The earliest "I've not read this yet, but..." criticisms and misunderstandings of TMoM in, ah, certain reddit/chan-style locations was regarded by GW IP folks as, I quote: "These angry people seem to be beholden to a version of 40K that has never existed...")
''
''But in all seriousness, I don't want to delve too deeply into explaining the ways the Emperor's contradictions matter or don't matter. They're there, and they're definitely formative - totally agree - if not exactly definitive. With the Emperor, a lot of interaction is about getting out what you put in. You get what you give. Your perceptions and expectations are reflected back on you because that's how the human brain perceives everything (a fact that cannot be overstated; the science behind it is fascinating and all-important), especially when you're talking about someone who exists on that plane of power. At one point the Emperor makes mention of the notion that he's not even speaking, that being near to him allows the conveyance of meaning through psychic osmosis, and communication telepathically. He's not even talking. It's raw understanding filtering through a mind, or just the way the mortal mind comprehends the aura of what the Emperor intends, or, or, or...
''
''That's what I mean. TMoM is littered with that stuff. Does he only address the primarchs by number instead of name? Some characters will swear he does that, and doesn't that just perfectly match their perspectives of the primarchs as either emotionally-compromised "too-human" things that think they're sons (Ra), or genetic masterworks that have become galaxy-damning screw-ups that have literally let the galaxy burn and brought the Imperium to its knees, leading people to be exiled from their homeworlds (Land). Do you think Sanguinius will agree? Or care that's what mortals think? The Emperor's portrayal on that isn't even consistent between Ra and Diocletian, two of his Custodians - and on PAGE ONE, the only time he interacts with a primarch himself, and the one and only thing he says to Magnus the Red is...?
''
"''Magnus''."

''Like... that's a pretty strong indication that the interactions which follow are playing by different rules. Ra sees the Warlord of Humanity, just a man, but a great mean, weary and defiant, burdened by responsibility. Daemons see their annihilation, and go insane in his presence. One of the Knights, as they're marching through the Throne Room, is caught in religious rapture, unable to do anything but stare at the glorious halo of the Emperor of Mankind on the Golden Throne. One of the Sisters of Silence, in the same room, literally just sees a man in a chair. Another character, not Imperial, asks a Custodian if the Emperor even breathes. She believes he's a weapon left out of its box from the Dark Age of Technology. (With thanks to Alan Bligh for that one, he adores that theory.)
''
''So I don't think it's exactly a spoiler to say that if and when I get to write a character like Sanguinius in the Emperor's presence, or Malcador, they'd have entirely different experiences than Ra and Land. I'd loved to have had that in TMoM, but as much as it would've given wider context, these aren't rulebooks and essays; it would've been self-indulgent for the sake of 'hoping people get it', and cheapened the story being told, which was ultimately in a very narrow and confined set of circumstances. Breaking out of that narrative would be offering a sense of scope and freedom I was specifically trying to avoid in a claustrophobic siege story. Because theme and atmosphere is a thing.''
''

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him so hard he ended up spending the next 10,000 years on the Golden Throne as a rotting corpse. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an mutant or even an alien skull? <s>(What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull)</s> [[Blam| '''*BLAM!*''']] Anyway, back to the topic at hand. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often. But he still looks ''fabulous'' without his armor.]]

{{Topquote|We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified, who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++|the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra (Most Christian elegan/tg/entlemen will recognize it as a bastardized version of The Apostle's [[Creed]])}}

{{Topquote|Did Horus not say that you sought godhood? He built a [[Horus Heresy|rebellion]] upon that claim. How he would gloat, to see the Imperium now|[[Roboute Guilliman]]}}

The Imperium advocates worship the Emperor as the one true God through the [[Imperial Creed]]. This creed is propagated and its adherence is enforced by the [[Ecclesiarchy|Adeptus Ministorum]] and the [[Inquisition]]. All citizens and fighters of the Imperium have little-to-no say about their choice in faith (or lack thereof); they ''must'' worship the Emperor through the various Ministorum-approved faiths throughout the galaxy (due to varying cultures, many planets have their own way of worshiping the Emperor. Although these are heavily regulated by the Ministorum to weed out any heretical influences.), there is no middle road or compromise that doesn't involve the apostate being on the receiving end of a state-sponsored public lynching. Anyone who defies or deviates from the teachings of the Imperial Creed (or even is just perceived to defy it), whether willingly or unwillingly (after all, incompetence is inexcusable in the eyes of the Emperor), is condemned as a heretic and is executed (whether its going to be fast or excruciatingly slow is dependent on the person judging the condemned). Even if someone hasn't disobeyed the Imperial Creed but is deemed to have will be treated as if they broke the Creed. Forgiveness for one's sins is possible, although these cases are exorbitantly rare (at least the ones that doesn't end with the accused being condemned to a glorious death, and it usually is extremely painful.). It doesn't help that some of the members of the Ecclesiarchy and Inquisition are so batshit insane that they are killing countless innocent followers of the Imperial Creed for no reason.

Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they realized what he taught them when he preached the Imperial Truth was complete bullshit. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss, unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether (which basically shows how ineffective the Imperial Truth really was and how much the Emperor has screwed up). Unfortunately this still made them targets and the Imperium was used by Chaos as a cats-paw to wipe them out.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body shut down and died. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of bravery and perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply their biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Kroot|Humanoid wingless bird men cannibals who absorb traits from what they eat]]
*[[Vespid|Humanoid insects with claws capable of ripping through the toughest armour]]
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep, and to have Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Lost and the Damned|Traitors who turn their backs on the Imperium and try to destroy it]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun (and who may be the puppets of an older and even more malignant civilization)]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanity's potential fall]]...
*[[Hrud|Humanoid Rats that cause anything, living or not, to rapidly decay through touch]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium would have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself. So yes, much like IRL religion, it gives them hope and courage to fight on and survive in a universe that leaves the [[grimdark]] faucet running everyday and night.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. Or on creating a functional pantheon of genetically engineered demigods, one of whom looked like and was referred to as a literal Angel. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==On the Death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Son, I am disappoint.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it (at least until they finish studying Malcador's staff, provided GW doesn't forget that plot point), it is certainly possible that the Golden Throne may stop working entirely, though what this might do is up for debate, since the Emperor has been dead for a very long time now.

Yes, yes, you read that right, the Emperor is dead. Now quit your shrieking and take a fecking chill pill, there's more to it than that. Being the single most powerful psyker in the history of the human race, the death of his physical body isn't the same "GAME OVER, MAN!" it would be for the rest of us mortals. The Emperor's mummified corpse is still inhabited by his spirit much the same way as [[Lord Kroak]], except he's powering the Astronomican (and possibly keeping the warp from swallowing Terra) instead of being hauled around on a golden anti-gravity palanquin to smite the enemies of the Imperium with golden fire.

Back to the matter at hand, with how arcane and ill-understood the Golden Throne's workings are all we have to go on are theories. It might be somehow enhancing his psychic abilities through its connection to his corpse and this would be lost when it gives out, or (rather more likely seeing as how parts keep failing and yet nothing changes) it might be something the AdMech keeps running since they think it's doing something that it isn't. No one knows, and no one really wants to find out.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:800px">In any case, a lot of fa/tg/uys don't seem to know that the Emperor's dead, and so a lot of theories arise as to what might happen if something that already happened ends up happening. Click expand to view these theories and keep in mind, these are all kept with their fa/tg/uys speculation intact.

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">
===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]] says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at its center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger. Now the Throne is ''also'' beginning to show signs of irreversible breakdown, but what happens if(/when?) Big E dies is actually which of the two fails first.

According to the Old Earth novel, the Golden Throne has a Vulkan-forged device called Talisman of Seven Hammers that acts as a dead man's switch: it supposedly will destroy all of Terra if the Throne finally kicks it. The Talisman has never been referred to in previous fluff, though the fullest implications of the Throne failing have never been explored either.

In any event, the death of the Emperor's physical body is theorized by some fans (and the Eldar in-universe) to have the potential to create a new Chaos God and a new Eye of Terror, assuming that the warp rift the Emperor was keeping closed doesn't create a new Eye of Terror first. The effect of Vulkan's talisman is a wildcard, as it was shown to have the capability to annihilate ''(not merely banish)'' a Greater Daemon even '''before''' it was connected to the Throne, and earlier in the same section the ''residual'' energy left over in the Emperor's fulgurite was sufficient to make an army of Bloodletters simply not be there any more. Connecting the talisman to the Throne magnifies its power to the point that the Emperor believes it would not merely deny Chaos their victory on Terra, but can strike a blow against them "the likes of which they will never recover from". Chaos may still get their warp rift, but may be burned badly by the Emperor's final "fuck you".

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. Various Horus Heresy novels present the Emperor as a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson, [[Alivia Sureka]] and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense. As for the question of why he simply didn't wait to resurrect into a spanking new body before being interred in the Throne, refer to that giant warp tear in the webway project and the *urgent* need to keep it sealed at all times.

All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]]. Too bad the Warp rift and the Astronomican don't have time to wait for him to do so.

A whole faction of the [[Inquisition]], '''Thorianism''', exists to investigate the possibility of regeneration; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.) That being said: This may be the best option if they can keep the Emperor powering the [[Astronomican]] with one body while having his mind in a different body wandering around.

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, whose top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

This is supported by Path Of Heaven, when Jaghatai Khan and the White Scars use the Dark Glass device to boogie woogie back to Terra. Much like Malcador, the one who uses the Dark Glass device is reduced to ashes just using it for a couple of moments, and the Dark Glass also has a Throne unit to control it, though it is described as the Golden Throne’s lesser cousin. The Golden Throne is described by the Chief Librarian using Dark Glass as “far greater, immensely more powerful, ''older, fouler, set deeper in the fabric of both reality and unreality.''”So just what ''is'' the Golden Throne? From way above, we know it’s a pain engine powerful enough to make a Haemonculus blush, those using it need to be powerful Psykers to actually control it, it consumes the souls of those who use it, unless that person also has innate regenerative capabilities (which, oh, let’s see, leaves us with basically Emps or Magnus), and it exists both in reality and in the Warp. The Emperor himself in Master of Mankind is evasive on where he found the “core” of the Throne. Now imagine you’re Rogal Dorn on the Vengeful Spirit and you’ve just found the bodies of Sanguinius and Horus and a dying Emprah. You race back to the Palace because surely Malcador, the only person to even come close to knowing the Emperor should be able to help, only to find him strapped to a machine that is literally turning him to dust. You have no idea what the hell this thing is (because you’re a good kid and keep out of dad’s basement) but your Father tells you to strap him into the thing. You do it, even though Pops is weak and it just Gammorah’d the last guy to sit in it. Not a great situation but you do what dad says. Now he’s stuck there, unable to regenerate but also unable to get up lest demons invade/that sun dad left in the Webway blows up. Fast forward 10,000+ years, you’re dead, and everyone is too stupid to realize it’s a fucking PAIN ENGINE and not a life support system. The Emperor was literally slapped into the equivalent of an infinite soul shriver while at his absolute weakest. If he could just stop sealing the Webway gate while someone else (Magnus) took a pew, he could possibly stretch his legs out and be right as rain. So maybe, just maybe, the Golden Throne breaking down isn’t a bad thing? (fuck, Age of the Emprah here we come)

Or someone could slap a good-ol' Gellar Field over the Webway portal, completely solving the problem. Doh! I forgot! That wouldn't be Grimdark! Shit.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], force the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the [[Illuminati]], a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the [[Sensei]] and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. Ultimately, all this would be rendered irrelevant as the Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away. It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place. Kinda like Schrödinger's Cat. Schrödinger's Space Dorf.
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===Beyond the Emperor===
As stated in ''The Master of Mankind'', the Emperor himself considers he already lost the game to save Mankind's from consuming itself into the Warp while attempting to give the evolutionary jump, with the loss of the Webway he seems to have concluded the only thing that remains is a long decline and there is nothing else to do but to wage an ever losing war. Or is it? The Emperor himself recognized He isn't omniscient, His foresight can't reach all. When Guilliman shows up, the Emperor is amazed that humanity has still managed to survive and the Imperium is still alive.

During recent years the writers of Games Workshop have been hinting at a few facts, let us consider the following:
* The future is not absolutely written, and this comes from Chaos itself; even [[Tzeentch]] can't predict everything perfectly, requiring him to ask his [[Kairos Fateweaver|insane bird-oracle to clarify on these events]].
* The fall of the Imperium may be inevitable, but mankind may live on. Given the sheer scope of the human exodus, it's not outside the realm of possibility that some remnant of the Dark Age of Technology has continued unchanged from its original height, though it's very unlikely. For this to be the case it would somehow have to avoid nearly all xenos, chaos influence/worshipers, have its own way of dealing with latent psykers so that they don't be used be Daemons [[Enslavers|or worse]] and never have met any of the other traders, explorators and travelers in general that make up how the current Imperium discovers new planets.
* The [[Cadian Pylons]], while destroyed, were developed by beings that still exist. The fact the [[Necrons]] are still around opens the possibility that they may yet be capable of building replacements, and thanks to [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]] we know they are capable of closing of warp storms. Oh, and it seems like [[Belisarius_Cawl|Uncle Cawl]] is working on that.
* The Akashic Records truly exist and are somehow linked to [[STC|Ark Mechanicus ships such as Speranza]], this simple fact means all already existing knowledge is never lost forever, but merely incredibly hard to acquire.
* Creating humans immune to Chaos is a reality, both the [[Exorcists]] and the [[Grey Knights]] are evidence to this, and while the process is excruciatingly slow, highly prone to failure and prohibitive in resources it means Mankind can achieve through artificial means a sort of new evolutionary step.
* Not all Eldar died during the Fall, even if we are talking about 1 percent of the race it's still a great deal of individuals, and the fact they have managed to kick-start [[Ynnead|an anti-Chaos god]] is something no one, not even the Emperor managed to foresee (assuming he did not know that is what the Infinity Circuits were for, which he no doubt did considering how old he is). [[Eldrad]] has ultimately demonstrated there are other ways to fight Chaos (by being a dick).
** And thanks to Eldrad waking Ynnead up early (if only barely), Roboute Guilliman was awakened from stasis. Now he is preparing a [[Primaris Marines|new generation of Super Space Marines]] along with some awesome new gear to help take down Chaos. Plus some of the other loyalist Primarchs are still out there, and there is a possibility that they could return to help lead the Imperium fight it's many enemies.
** And for that matter, Eldrad declared by the end of The [[War of The Beast]] that the futures of Mankind and the Eldar are irrevocably interlinked. But, he did nothing to build on that, the dumbass. Add to that the fact the necrons too have given the Imperium a hand a few times and you suddenly notice there are more parties than the Emperor interested in not letting the human race fall. Despite the Imperium's completely justified hatred of xenos, they may be mankind's best chance of survival. That said, we still do have to remember that both the Eldar and Necrons want the Imperium and each other out of the way eventually in order to rebuild their empires, and the Imperium isn't keen on relying too heavily on the entities who will turn on them in a tip of the hat. On the other hand, desperate times call for desperate measures and who knows what the future could bring? Well, at least the Eldar to have more or less accepted their empire will never return and that sticking with the Imperium is their best bet for survival and power in the universe from now on. Which broke the balance and caused plot progression.
*Nobody saw the Tyranids coming because they hadn't even noticed the Galaxy was inhabited until the whole mess with the Pharos device. Not the Chaos Gods, not the Emperor, not the Eldar (though [[Orikan the Diviner|Orikan]] saw them coming), and the Tyranids are both an outside context issue for the galaxy (being the only faction with galactic pull that is completely and unambiguously disconnected from the War in Heaven or the Horus Heresy that serves as everyone else's origin stories) ties and a wild card in the fate of the Galaxy.
* If the Emperor wasn't a god to begin with, millennia of worship and countless psyker souls empowering him means that he's almost certainly a god now- and he knows it. Even when wielded by a "mere" Primarch his sword alone is capable of permanently destroying Greater Daemons (keep in mind that during Great Crusade and before he seems not to be able to do that), and given enough time his power might eclipse that of Chaos itself. (Though one could argue that Chaos powers up much faster than the Emperor due to having more sources to feed one and possibly having more worshippers)
* Finally, there is humanity itself. While He failed to take into account the fact that humanity is a mass of individuals rather than an abstraction, He also underestimated how this could work for good as well as evil. For every traitor and heretic, there is an equally devoted believer in the inherent goodness of mankind willing to stand against the Ruinous Powers, and it is on the individual level that the struggle between the Ruinous Powers and humanity is ultimately fought and decided upon.

Yes, the Emperor failed to avoid mankind's inherent flaws to hinder His Great Work (ironically, because He was guilty of several of them as well), but He also failed to see a lot of the good things mankind can bring in. In yet another twist of irony, his incapability to predict us may even thwart his own prediction of humanity's doom. At the very least, humanity accomplished more and survived longer than anyone expected, even the Emperor.

Indeed, this is [[Warhammer 40,000]], a cautionary tale about the End of Empires, but so was Warhammer Fantasy Battle, and, although we may not like the AoS-ification of the setting, there may still be more than [[Abaddon|just a complete failure]] for the future of Mankind and the Emperor.

'''Thought for the day:''' "The man who has nothing can still have faith."

== Gallery ==
{{SectionalPromotions}}
<center><gallery>
File:Emperor-Church windows.jpg|Put this everywhere to praise him, on your windows, the neighbours, just all your hive city.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|<s>Son, I am disappoint.</s> Empy's disappointment occurred well before this moment.
Image:E-Money_LowRes.gif|Now in animated ultra HD for your heresy needs.
Image:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
Image:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now bitches.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it. Or you'll get schooled.
Image:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
Image:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on some little bitch!
Image:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
Image:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!" Then again he never liked Horus in the first place.
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg|The Emperor isn't looking good here.
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
Image:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emps&SigmarGenderBendBy Flick The Thief.jpg| The same situation, but improved! {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''Silence Heretic!'''}}
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS! {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''Heresy!'''}} [[Extra Heresy]]!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher. {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''HERESY!'''}}, no make that [[Extra Heresy|extra Hersey]]
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this [[lovedagger|one]] is... nice. - {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''Heresy!'''}}
File:Cultist-chan creating a distraction by flick.jpg
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is actually fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete and utter failure.
Image:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form, and his theme tone!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDZoyNzuWbQ&t=10s
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world.
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:1393390057238.png|The Emperor is a man of simple tastes.
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|The very first image of the Emperor, dating back to Rogue Trader.
Image:God_Emperor_Numen_Kawai_Onii-chan.jpg|[[Drawfags|Kawaii]] [[End Times (Warhammer 40,000|Emprah teaching]] us about the evils of [[Heresy|heretics]], while displaying his mighty [[Pauldrons]].
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design (or if he actually cared about him), The Big E might not have been late for all of [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out a lot differently.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine what would had happened if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy and The Emperor didn't have to start the Great Crusade to go and look for them... Wait a minute, where is that little scamp Omegon? (he's just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course! Ketchup sold separately!"
File:Strolling Emperor.jpeg|Having him look at you like this is a reliable indicator of how soon people are going to start referring to you in past-tense.
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Malcador the Sigillite]], the Emperors best bro.
* The [[Primarch|Primarchs]], the Emperors "sons".
* [[Sigmar]], his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] and [[Age of Sigmar]] counterpart (especially in the latter).
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
[http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]]
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:40k and Fantasy Gods]][[Category:Awesome]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2020-07-21T20:44:05Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD:

{{awesome}}
<div style="text-align:left;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear!
- The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>
[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Conquering the galaxy is one thing, but He was so powerful He never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it. <s>At least until the whole 'Horus' thing, anyway.</s> {{BLAM}}]]
{{Topquote|Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please.|Niccoló Machiavelli}}
{{Topquote|The Emperor loves no one man. He cannot afford affection - that is the honest practical for the impossible task that faces the Master of Mankind. He did not love His sons, He does not love men, but He does love mankind.|[[Roboute Guilliman]]}}
{{Topquote|Well, ze Emperor's just zis guy, you know?|Gag Halfrunt}}

'''{{Blam|ALL HAIL THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MANKIND!!!}}'''

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big Daddy Emps''', '''The Motherfucking Emperor''', '''Big E''', '''Mr. Xeno Destroyer''', '''Chaos Fister''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Deus-Imperator''', '''Primogenitor''', '''[[Salamanders|The Outlander]]''', '''[[Imperial Fists|Him on Earth]]''', '''[[Space Wolves|All-Father]]''', '''[[Space Sharks|Rangu]]''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''The Immortal Emperor''', '''The Golden King''', '''[[Adeptus Mechanicus|The Omnissiah]]''', '''The Cartomancer''', '''The Empinator''', '''The Fresh Emperor of Sacred Terra''','''That guy with the bigger gun than you''', '''Space Jesus''', '''/tg/''', [[TTS|'''The Man-Emperor of Mankind''']], '''Glorious Overlord''', '''Lord of Bling''', [[TTS|'''My Manly Man-peror''']], '''Lord Sovereign of the Imperium''', [[TTS|'''Starman''']], ''' The King of Terra''' or if you are of [[Heresy|different inclinations]], called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Corpse Emperor''', '''That Twat with the Chair''', '''Space Hitler''',
'''[[If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device|That Loony Shaman-Chassis]]''', '''[[Tyranid|giant crunchy psychic sandwich]]''', '''[https://youtu.be/zlRbWLgLHg8?t=1338 Jimmy Space, creator of the Space Marines]''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the almost-but-not-entirely-figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe. He has been enthroned on (or rather in) a life-sustaining device known as the Golden Throne for the last ten millenia and is nigh-on unable to communicate or influence things directly, so day-to-day ruling is done without (and too often in spite of) Him. But on the other hand He is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|hope]] for Humanity as faith in him is the only [[fluff]]-wise way humans can counter the insidious whispers of [[Chaos Gods|Ruin]], and the treacherous ways of the [[Xenos]]. Besides that, Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]] (and on the [[Navigator|Paternova]]).

The [[Administratum]] He ordered to be established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's [[Malcador|proper guidance]] is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior [[Commissar|yells]] at you, is treason and [[heresy]], typically punished by [[Blam|euthanasia]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 [[Primarchs]], who viewed him as their "father". However, thanks to a lot of retcons he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium, He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep],[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGZ97TiFGGg stentorian voice]. Though [[/v/|many]] also would expect him to speak more like another [[Kane|immortal who wishes to guide humanity to the path of Ascension, who may as well be one of his past guises.]] Clearly the cult of the extragalactic alien self replicating space rock thing didn't work out in the end so he had to try [[Grimdark|another approach]]. It would explain why he's so fond of impractically large tanks, walkers, mecha, incredibly unaerodynamic VTOLs and bling though.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==

===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a powerful [[psyker]] and <strike>(heavily implied to be)</strike> (Confirmed by GW) a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe, possibly in [[wikipedia:Göbekli Tepe|Göbekli Tepe]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction, or as it's known on the street, a "fucking heart attack". Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders (which he defined to [[Slaanesh|refer to himself specifically]]): setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years. Considering that the Imperium's two-headed symbol was used by Hittites, Games Workshop, for all its flaws and pricing policies, can be given credit for doing his history homework. After that, he headed to the first cities of mankind in Sumeria to guide the start of human civilization.

[[File:Neoth-gigamesh-erda-siduri.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Neoth and Erda back in the ancient days of Chaldea, it all makes so much sense now.]]
According to Saturnine, one of the Emperor's earliest names was Neoth, in the time shortly after leaving His home and tribe. In the "time of the First Cities" Neoth had become a warlord and king. There He met Erda, a perpetual like Himself, who become one of His closest companions throughout history, by His side up until she caused the Scattering of the Primarchs. Neoth and Erda, father and mother of Primarchs.

''According to 1st & 2nd edition fluff'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. On the other hand, they also wouldn't have had the memories and soul-stuff of all those shamans telling them what to do. (This theory would go a long way to explaining the seemingly contradictory behaviors of the Emperor - all those shamans have disagreements and Big E has to listen to it all.) The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)'' and name him Anathema. Yet other fluff tidbits (including a C'Tan who dismissively described him as a "weapon" rather than a God) imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation.

Lore also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, and many of the probable identities of the Emperor in World History may include but are not limited to Hammurabi (the first man to invent the concept of Written Law), Alexander the Great (the most fabulous conqueror in all of History, with the philosopher Aristotle as his teacher), Julius Caesar (guess why the Imperium spoke Latin), Jesus (as demonstration of his supernatural God-like status and abilities and that He will sacrifice Himself for the progress of Humanity; which is a symbolic idea, [[Skub|as pre-retcon the lore leaned towards the Emperor being one of Jesus' disciples]]), Napoleon Bonaparte (to dismantle the old stagnating monarchies of Europe and replace them with Revolutionary ideals). And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]] ([[If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device|Yup, he used to be an asshole. A handsome, musclebound asshole.]] At least before he got wiser) and HE-MAN.

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting. Just remember to take stuff with a grain of salt, since, [[Retcon|you know]].

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet [[Molech]], where he passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here, he either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
{{Topquote|‘You…’ repeated Uriah, the pain in his bones no match for the pain in his heart. ‘You are the… the… Emperor…’ ‘I am, and it is time to go, Uriah,’ said the Emperor. Uriah looked around at his now gleaming and brightly lit church. ‘Go? Go where? [[Imperial Truth|There is nowhere else for me in this godless world of yours.’]]|[[The Last Church]]}}
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using the classic "join-me-or-die" strategy, he managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with Luna and the Mechanicum of Mars. When dealing with Mars, He called Himself the [[Omnissiah]], and convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a useful lie, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated, ignoring or forgetting what happened to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_Union| real]-[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pol_Pot| life] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_in_North_Korea| societies] that tried to throw faith and religion under the bus without molding the society towards abandoning religion willingly. He constructed this lie because he believed that belief in such things was feeding the Chaos Gods, [[Fail|but it turns out he had it backwards, and that such belief, being dedicated specifically to osmething other than said gods, was in fact starving them]].

Exception where's He's not a perfect badass? [[The Last Church]]. It is permissible to substitute the voice of whatever angry militant atheist appeals to you most/least for the duration of this one (short) story. Also, according to that same story, this asshole wiped out Scandinavia, <strike>[[Viking|right when Scandinavia was getting fun again]]</strike> [[The_End_Times|well well well, considering what they did]] [[Warhammer_Fantasy_Battle|to the other setting no one here is gonna miss them any time soon]]. According to the Horus Heresy books that mention the Unification Wars, He burned down a lot of things on a partially recovering Terra.

===Great Crusade===
Now that he was in control the Emperor had a relatively short to-do list, he wanted to: Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes, unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, and most importantly, prevent another calamity like the [[Age of Strife]] or [[Fall of the Eldar]].

In order to achieve this He had to shelter and protect humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]], reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station, and eliminate anyone who threatened his vision of humanity in any way.

But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He supposedly ''acquired'' from the Chaos Gods (or so the treacherous space cancers claim) into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate [[Heresy|(just like how daemons are born!)]] into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique quasi-daemonic (angelic?) soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body.

Each of these Primarchs were to have their place: Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark, they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway shield (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

It was a good plan for building an intergalactic empire, But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

Unfortunately things went off to a rocky start before he even began: since the Primarch's power was ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four would inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends, so they snatched the Primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic samples were left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]].

So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to restore mankind to its [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|rightful place as rulers of the galaxy.]]

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them may have been executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebelled against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favourite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the Golden Throne. On that day, an untold amount of manly tears was shed. Something seems to have gone wrong though, as the Golden Throne didn't manage to do its job and the Emperor managed to die sometime between the Horus Heresy and M41, although whatever's left of him still sticks around his corpse.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and if nothing was done... presumably the Emperor would be deader? In any case nobody wants to find out, as the Golden Throne is breaking apart the Mechanicus and certain elements at the top of the Imperium tries to contact the Dark Eldar for knowledge on how to repair the thing. ''The Carrion Throne'' reveals that a [[Haemonculus]] did make it to Terra, he is hunted down by the Inquisitor and the Custodes. The cheeky psycho doctor had absolutely no intention of repairing the thing but wanted to instead marvel upon the largest and greatest psychic pain machine ever constructed that made even a [[Haemonculus]] stand in utter awe, and look the cadaver buried within right in the eye sockets before both it and the machine ultimately died.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
{{Topquote|1=The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]|2=[[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor. <s>Interestingly, no leader, or warlord</s> HERESY!!!}}

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker <s>alive</s> around, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken [[Webway]] gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. Their fear of him cannot be overstated: during a discussion between Ku'Gath and Mortarion, you'd think Ku'Gath was referencing Morgoth. The idea his gathering strength terrified Ku'Gath to the point he feels they're dead if he's active and won't even say his name; whatever Emps is, Chaos is THAT scared of him. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born (though seeing as how he's been dead for quite a while and that hasn't happened, their fears are likely unfounded).

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, [[Ferrus Manus]] included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending ...ends... the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, [[Conan the Barbarian]], [[meme|Chuck Norris]], Christopher Lee, Tommy Wiseau, Keanu Reeves, and Jesus.

Overall the Emperor has always had a strong desire to protect and shepherd humanity, even if his methods are a bit... [[Blam|unorthodox]]. His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to his power and foresight made the Emperor as close to a Farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (though at the time he got the whole thing backwards, since said religions were starving the Chaos gods), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), originally loved the Primarchs as his sons (and then retconned into caring little for the Primarchs being His actual sons. But tools to be disposed of like in a game of Chess.. In "The Outcast dead" he even sort of says outright that he sacrificed Ferrus Manus because he knew he could not win the war and that the most he could hope for was a stalemate, i.e. prevent Chaos from winning), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... all because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path".

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of all of humanity's dictators in history (ironically that may have been [[A Game of Pretend|past personas]] of the Emperor). Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brothers better than Lupercal the First, and Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy since his goal was for humanity to be governed by humanity (as he clearly said to Lorgar in "The First Heretic". "This is not my Imperium, it is humanitys". Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, were better suited and needed as generals for the Great Crusade. Stil the whole theory that the Emperor wanted to dispose of the Primarchs once they ceased being useful is utter horseshit, for why would he have created living rooms for all of his sons in the Emperor's palace. And why create 20, functionally immortal tools if he had no plans for them following the crusade. Either way, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration, having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation (no matter how bad that idea played out in practice).

After Big E was nearly killed by his favourite son / tool, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia, presumably because he later died. Most of the fluff maintains that His mere existence since then has been living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter).... and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that he will just sit there and remain dead. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite and death's not the handicap it used to be, because it gives Him a fuckton of work to do. Along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, he also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?).

That being said, his love of humanity doesn't exactly extend to his sons. In older lore it did, however, in the retconned lore the Emperor himself states to [[Arkhan Land]] ''(the guy who discovered '''Land's''' Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his literal sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on personas for every occasion (during the meeting, Land saw him as not as a gold armoured god, but as an utterly logical scientist and the Emperor had the whole shtick of people interpreting his words in the manner that made the most sense to them personally) who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels. There must have been a reason why he prevented Vulkan from going completely batshit insane when he was killed over and over by his brother Konrad Kurze after all... but to say it in Guillimans own words (from memory) "our father never loved us, but he certainly does love humanity". Also Guilliman reflects that Big E could not have afforded deep affection for any of his sons, so lets see how the final confrontation between Horus on roid rage and Big E will play out in the end - as in older fluff Big E held back because he couldn't bring it upon himself to snuff out his most favoured son (and it did not read like in "my most favoured screw driver" kind of way). But in the end, despite being the most powerful psyker to have ever lived he may still have been "human" after all, and every living being has emotions. So maybe his biggest "flaw" (if you want to call it such) may have been that he might not have been able to separate himself from his sons (err I mean toolbox) as he would have hoped for.

*On that note, Aaron Demski-Bowden has insisted that nothing the Emperor says in Master of Mankind should be taken at face value. Moreover, the Emperor is inconsistent in how He describes the Primarchs. While He uses numbers and "it" when talking to Ra and Land, at the end of a book He's referring to Horus by name and as a "he", not an "it". AD-B has doggedly refused to clarify, because he enjoys watching the arguments he's kicked off.
*However, in [[Laurie Goulding]]'s audiobook: Malcador First Lord of the Imperium; Malcador pretty much spells out exactly the same thing, saying that the primarchs were designed to be ''"conqueror's tools and nothing more"'', and had been manipulated into conflict with each other from the very start so that they would eventually destroy each other and pave the way for a "human" civilisation, rather than a "transhuman" one and that the Horus Heresy was always [[Just as Planned|part of the plan]]. He does later have a minor breakdown and admit that he was forced to lie though, but is not clear on what elements. As a result, it is entirely possible (and in fact more likely) that there was no such plan to have the Primarchs destroy each other and that Malcador was merely trying to hide the fact that things had gone off the rails. This is confirmed in ''The Board Is Set'' short story by [[Gav Thorpe]], which seemingly reconfirms Malcador's admission as the the Big E and His bestie play a game of cards with each Primarch represented (heavily implied). In such a game, Mal takes the role of "Warmaster" ''(symbolically representing [[Chaos]])'' whilst Big E played the position of the "Emperor". The two play out the entire events of the Horus Heresy and even hypothetical scenarios had they played each Primarch differently against the others, though they still get caught off guard from time to time as the rules change unexpectedly. Though Malcador only belated understands that considering this was a symbolic game of "what if?" rather than simply a means of devising strategy. So, while Emps and Mal were partly responsible for the current state of everything; if Malcador's "lie" was that it was all planned and that everything was under control, then the truth would be an acknowledgement that their opponents ''(the Chaos Gods)'' actually existed which was something they had been denying for centuries. Now they were backed into a corner and desperately scrambling to find a solution that didn't fuck everything.

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]] through the broken remains of the Imperial Webway (in the form of a golden sun), while additionally sustaining and managing the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

An interesting theory is that if Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act then maybe Empy has gained all human souls since he got put on that Throne {see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp (and all that [[Infinity Circuit|stuff]] the Eldar get up to).

A question that remained unanswered for a long time is that, is the above thing the only thing he is capable of doing these days? Or can he communicate with others? In the past few supplicants were allowed an audience with the Emperor though the fluff's always been iffy on whether or not they talked, or if it was more a spiritual visit to a shrine. The recent advance in the timeline revealed that the newly revived Guilliman had an audience with him for a whole day in which they did talk (and he still seems to have some sort of connection to the Custodes), so yes, he can. But then, what is he [[Black_Crusade| waiting for]] [[Emperor%27s_To-Do_List| before]] waking the [[Lion_El%27Jonson| sleepy beauty ]] up? It could be that he literally couldn't talk to anyone before that, considering that even Guilliman shuddered at the thought of the mental sand blasting that was speaking with the Emperor. It's possible the same communion might destroy a mortal, or kill the comatose Lion by accident. Perhaps the only thing stopping the Emperor from direct governance of the Imperium is his psychic voice delivering the equivalent of an Ordinatus blast every time he uses it, so he cannot chastise the incompetence of the High Lords for fear of killing them outright.

Speaking of talking to him, when Roboute was revived from stasis and finally got to Terra to talk to dad, Roboute noted the Emperor regarded him with the interest one would regard a tool. He also reflects on how he feels that the Emperor's psychic might has grown since his death, but that his humanity has gone as well, to the point that Guilliman thinks that even if he is a god he doesn't deserve to be worshiped. However, following the Plague Wars Guilliman has considered the possibility that his ascension may have been a plan B for humanity following the failure of the Imperial Truth, and both [[Mortarion]] and [[Ku'Gath]] believe the Emperor is gathering energy to create what they call an "Unliving Legion".

{{Topquote|He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...|Magnus the Red}}

In contrast to the above quote, the Emperor (and the Imperium as a byproduct) fucking hates aliens, though not without reason. During the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, [[loot]]ed or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, or <s>possessed a planet</s>, influenced human culture at all. Ever since His ascension, the Imperium mostly forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated, but on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Asdrubael Vect|massive]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the [[Interex|Interex/Diasporex]]).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. [[Graham McNeill]] generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), [[Dan Abnett]] portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while [[Aaron Dembski-Bowden]] portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

On another note, [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|long before the Horus Heresy novel series]], there were hidden gems Noobs are not aware of, such as a text describing the fight between Horus and the Emperor (although it wasn't written especially well), or Conspiracy Theories. One of them was actually the possibility that the Emperor was already dead when Rogal Dorn managed to reach him; however, in the aforementioned text, [[Luther|Horus had realised that he had been wronged and deceived]] by the [[Assholetep|Chaos Gods]], who immediately ceased to possessed the Warmaster and fled before the Emperor's final Force attack [[FATAL|bring woe to both of them]]. What if the Emperor had spared him or if the Warmaster survived somehow? In Olden Fluff, all Primarchs were Psykers and originally supposed to be [[Grey Knight|shining examplars of Human free from the taint of the Empyrean]] which they failed to bear true potential due to their early contact with the Warp, via the Dark Gods abducting them pedobear style.

This in turn was what caused their mutations and unique characteristics and diversity which was more of a metaphor that each Primarch was an image of humanity themselves; in fact, much of the powers of the Primarchs, like the Emperor, would have come from their psychic abilities. It is known that [[Sensei]]'s powers include health, regeneration, greater athletic prowess and [[God Stat|overpowering their Strength stat]] when they try to attack something, thus it would not be surprising if it was also the case for Primarchs (baby Sanguinius was super healthy and immune to Baal's radiations, Curze crawled out of his molten drop-pod and crater while screaming in pain and fled immediately, instinctively, into the darkness, and later his body was fully healed) prior to the new fluff messing everything up, 'cause BL writers have trouble getting their shit together.

But back to where we are; the notion that the Emperor was dead forebodes a terrible possibility, in which [[Pretend|the corpse that Rogal Dorn took back on Terra's Imperial Palace was not Big E but of Horus being passed as the Emperor... and was worshipped as such for Ten Thousand Years]]. While [[Retcon|this has become highly unlikely]], it would both be a great and GRIMDARK [[Just As Planned|plot twist]] and an immense source of [[Lulz]] especially when you mix in the events of Gathering Storm 3 with [[Roboute Guilliman]].

===On His Pragmatism and Flaws===
The Emperor was a firm believer that the ends justified the means and was pragmatic in the extreme, and yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on the Imperium being constantly at war. Even if the Great Crusade had [[Just as Planned|proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected]], it still would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a few trillion newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands and no other purpose in life beyond said killing...well, they tend to get rowdy. He should have realized this already when he had to mop up the surviving [[Thunder Warriors]]. It remains unknown how the Imperium would have continued to look after the Great Crusade was completed and how the large military would be scaled down- or if such a feat could even be possible with a civilization he designed to work only in the presence of a steady stream of conquests. Sure, some of the primarchs and legions had other skills like Guilliman's political organization, but the rank-and-file? Or the likes of the [[World Eaters]]? There are hints that he might have planned to fix that by arranging the Primarchs to come to blows with each other, [[Horus Heresy|but we all know exactly how well ''that'' turned out]]- which if anything makes him look even more foolish as a result.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity as a whole belied his refusal to acknowledge that humanity was not just a species, but also a group of individuals with infinite variety and whose goals did not necessarily support His own. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own (granted what they did makes them partially responsible for the setting being so fucked) and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant nothing to him/his plan. In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction even (or ''especially'') if they were doing a better job than he was. In effect, all his efforts were performed in the name of an abstraction that arguably '''never existed in the first place'''.
*He made a critical mistake in that trying to erase religion without replacing it with secular ideals that had the same degree of universal appeal. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was the [[Age of Strife|Old Night]]. The Imperial Truth tried to do this, but it didn't take into account that "reason", "logic", and "humanism" were by definition too mundane to be suited for the replacement of the old religions, as they were poor substitutes for finding individual meaning. The fact that the Imperial Cult took off so quickly after the Emperor's internment on the Golden Throne (and is arguably the only thing keeping the Imperium a remotely unified entity in the present) is proof that the Emperor was once again either too stubborn for his own good or too divorced from the "normal" human condition to understand the value of belief. Most likely the latter, the Khan recounts scrambling to even converse with the Emperor, Custodes have an internal study schools to try figure out out what ''exactly'' he meant in his orders and how it applies to the modern day. Yes, his Companions have what are basically rabbis Talmudically mulling over every syllable the Emperor ever uttered. In either case, all it accomplished was giving all four of the Ruinous Powers a reason to get rid of him, while also giving them an invaluable tool to do so in the form of Lorgar. And all while he was telling the Primarchs that daemons were just another Xenos race in an ill-advised attempt to dispense with their mythological appearance and obvious possession of supernatural powers. This attempt left them vulnerable for Chaotic corruption among themselves or their Legions. Yes, He gave them incredibly vague warnings, but those were not even close to the amount of information He needed to give them. Or, for those of us who think this sounds just a little bit religious for our tastes and don't want to get into a philosophical debate over the importance of belief, imagine the trillions of citizens who had gone their whole lives worshiping a belief only to have ol' Emps turn up and just say "No" without a word of explanation.
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident. It's not a stretch to hypothesize that this was itself a ploy for him to use the collective psychic power of humanity to elevate himself to the status of godhood, where he could truly rule with infinite power.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the [[Old Ones]], and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless if or when the Warp completely breaks through into the Webway.
**The so-called mistakes and subsequent "Fall" of the Eldar [[Lileath|may have been foreseen]] and [[Morai-Heg|apparently planned for]]. By the close of the 41st Millennium, the psychic gestalt of the conscious-dead Eldar have formed the new god [[Ynnead]], quite probably proving that willpower eventually counters [[Slaanesh|desire]] and completing the Eldar's psychic ascension as a species. The Emperor may not have been aware of this and humanity's own psychic awakening may not have been as tragic, but to give him credit, his own endgame is somewhat similar in wanting to nurture mankind's psychic ascension but without the catastrophe. He is possibly positioning himself to become the focus for humanity's willpower rather than needing enough souls to die before they gestalt together, becoming a guiding will rather than a collective one.
*Most damningly of all, his total disregard for the possibility that the Primarchs might actually have their own thoughts and feelings ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos in the first place:
**The humiliation of Lorgar was the ultimate catalyst for the Horus Heresy, and is probably the most colossal failure the Emperor has ever produced. This event is what showed the future "heretics" (and us) who the Emperor truly is behind his charisma and lofty dreams. Lorgar was so enthralled with his father that he not only worshipped him as a god but made it his life's goal to convince others to do so as well. He built gleaming monuments and cities in His name. He trained an entire legion to glorify their perfect and benevolent father. Suddenly, the Ultramarines descend and obliterate the greatest of Lorgar's cities and the Emperor himself forces Lorgar's entire legion to kneel before the invaders. The Emperor tells his most admiring son that he, alone of all his brothers, has failed. It would be as if God set Vatican City on fire, kicked the pope over, put out the fire by covering him in dog shit, and then told him to quit being such a fucking pussy. The main thing this incident says about Lorgar is that he's such a tough motherfucker that he didn't break down completely forever or kill himself upon the revelation that the most powerful and perfect being he can even imagine hates him, personally. The Emperor took the leader of the most powerful religious organization in the galaxy and kicked him straight into the claws of evil gods powered by belief. However, the biggest irony, considering that religion is the only power that can counterattack and fend off Chaos, and Ecclesiarchy is doing just that for several millenia using very book that Lorgar wrote, Emperor basically threw out the smartest and safest option to counter Chaos due to his stupidity and narrow-mindness. (Unless it really WAS a test as [[Traitor_Legion_Loyalists#Known_Loyalist_Members_of_the_Traitor_Legions|the Anchorite]] believe).
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred. Instead he could have earned Angron's undying love, furious loyalty and the worst case, a martyr Primarch who'd die from the nails and gotten rid of: was one fucked up dusty planet's short term compliance worth the whole shit roller coaster, we will never know. Why a <s>man</s> <s>superman</s> Primarch (god damn it!) who knew only killing (not even war, just murdering people with MURDER NAILS JAMMED IN HIS BRAIN), and is traumatized to ETERNALLY HATE HIS LORD should be controlling 100,000+ Space Marines is something only the Emperor and his divine ass can fathom.
**[[Fulgrim]]'s road to damnation started because he decided to loot a Slaaneshi-possessed sword. Knowing nothing about Chaos, Fulgrim had no idea he was using an incredibly dangerous warp artifact that that would lead to untold consequences. It didn't help that his strict xenophobic teachings prevented Fulgrim from taking [[Eldrad]]'s advice about the Laer Blade into account.
**Even with the Webway fuck-up (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had brought Magnus to the Great Work earlier, or had him stationed on Terra along with Dorn, or even just listened to his warning that Horus had turned traitor. Instead, he totally disregarded Magnus's entirely correct warning in favor of allowing Russ (the one Primarch who most wanted Magnus dead) to arrest him because he didn't like the way said warning was delivered. And with the door already broken, he could have simply psy-phoned Magnus to clear it all up instead of jumping to conclusions. Then again, Magnus wouldn't even comply to his demand to stop practising sorcery...
**Similarly to Angron, [[Mortarion]] always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**The Emperor, being the wisest and most powerful human psyker in the galaxy of all people, should have been able to see that [[Konrad Curze]] was an unstable psyker who was on the fast road to devolving into insanity due to his uncontrolled talents. And if he already was aware of it, then at best he was being incredibly careless. And what with the whole Night Lords comprise of criminals, one must really question his divine quality control. Or maybe he is just totally rely on his <s>large</s> huge brain capacity to manage things, and simply dismiss things that can't fit in.
**Completely ignoring that [[Perturabo]] needlessly had one in ten men in his legion killed by decimation under flimsy pretenses. Coupled with the fact that Perturabo was originally a peaceful, diplomatic soul; these two should have triggered some alarm bells about his mental stability. While it was said that the Emperor considers the Primarchs more of tools and less of his children, in retrospect it was obvious that there was plenty of [[Rogal Dorn|favoritism]] going on. Seriously, why can't the Big E act like a spiritual psychiatrist for ONE FUCKING MOMENT?
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealized, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he, the other Primarchs, and the Astartes as a whole would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. (Horus likely being aware of what happened to the [[Thunder Warriors]] when they outlived their usefulness at the end of the Unification Wars probably stoked that particular fire nicely.) You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved 'son' would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer, but no.
**Perhaps the biggest kicker to this is that if we're going to take all of Black Library into account, the Emperor never truly cared for the Primarchs at all (loyalist and traitor included), viewing them as nothing more than powerful but ultimately expendable tools to further the ambitions of Humanity's survival and ascendancy. As determined by the Emperor, of course.
***Although one can always argue that the remaining Primarchs stayed loyal either because they believed in his vision for humanity or were too loyal to be turned, there's no telling exactly how long that might have gone on after the Great Crusade's end - some of them showed signs of disloyalty to the Emperor even during the Heresy, only staying on his side either out of loyalty to Mankind as a whole (Guilliman and his [[Imperium Secundus]] come to mind here), by recognizing the other side as an even greater evil (like Jaghatai), or only because the Imperium is on the winning side (if Curze's trolling was true; The Lion, which probably isn't true considering he stabbed him in the next paragraph and told Curze that he didn't care and that he was balls-to-the-wall loyal).
***To clarify the above point, after Guilliman's meeting with the Emperor following the Primarch's revival, he noted that while he loved humanity as a whole, the Emperor was practically incapable of caring about individual people, even the Primarchs. Everything and everyone was just a tool to him. While some might interpret this as the Emperor simply being a dick, you have to understand his situation; he's an immortal superhuman with a plan to uplift humanity. The fact he's immortal means he would be unable to form any meaningful relationships with mortals, because he'll always outlast them in one way or another. His plan also involved tons of sacrifices for the <s>greater good</s> {{Blam|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!'''}}, common good, when you're forced to sacrifice anything to continue your plans; you can't afford to be too attached to someone you might have to throw into the fire in a split second. The Emprah is cursed to always looking forward to the endless road of the future, so he can never live in nor understand the concept of the present. As a result, his plans failed to account for the fact others might not just meekly go along with his plans without question and became further detached from the real human condition.
*Overall, and quite ironically, the main reason why the Emperor's plan was doomed to fail in time was because while the Emperor understood the path on what humanity must take for a brighter future, he himself was either unable or unwilling to understand humanity. Instead, he chose to remain distant from them and act like he was above their understanding, and that they should just simply follow him because he's the Emperor and he alone knows what's best for humanity, because shut up or be on the receiving end of a boltgun. (Even more ironically, this was how the majority of the gods that humanity originally believed in acted as well, and at least they had the excuse that they really were divine. For all his efforts to remove religion, the Emperor played the part of a god hilariously well.) Lastly, maybe the Emperor understood that his Primarchs were unstable and unreliable. Given the issues with the Thunder Warrior's he had to know all of this was coming eventually just from past experience. But it's possible he just didn't expect it to be in the form of a team death match. He could see Kurze being unstable enough eventually that he and his Legion would need to be removed but expected it to be individual Legions and Primarchs that would need censure but couldn't foresee his own flaws causing enough gulfs with each of his Primarchs that they would have a reason to band together. If that was the case, he was a poor father and a poor leader not to see his own arrogance as a flaw in his design. If it is true that he had always intended the Primarchs' rivalries to grow to the point that they would begin fighting each other, all of the above is even more damning since it means he had made them flawed on purpose and yet failed to see how Chaos would gladly exploit said flaws at the first opportunity it got.

On another note, the fact his ossified self has managed to shed tears and there was an incident where everyone across the Imperium saw statues of the Emperor weeping tears of blood due the incoming disasters of the End Times may mean that he has finally started to realize how horribly he fucked up on every possible level. Or maybe it's hurting even more than ever to stay sit at the Golden Throne.

The latter is far more likely; according to Roboute Guilliman, when he met with the Emperor after his revival, He treated Guilliman as a mere tool without showing even the faintest display of affection or care for him as a person. One can only assume that 10,000 years on the Golden Throne has done absolutely nothing to make the Emperor be less of an asshole; in fact, he's described as being human in name alone, and Guilliman believes that [[HERESY|even if he is a god he doesn't deserve to be worshipped.]]

tl;dr He was a horribly flawed but still well-meaning OCD workaholic with a "The needs of the many" outlook on life meaning he couldn't afford to show trust, love or compassion to anything but mankind as a whole, not even his "sons". Ultimately however even though his complete separation from the human condition helped him make the hard decisions, it was a decision he paid the ultimate price for and a large contributor to the Horus Heresy being as terrible as it was. If you have experience in pedagogy, he is your typical working dad who can't spare time to raise sons and makes *very* bad, fatigue influenced decisions, and after they grow up, wonders why they grow to hate him/be distant. Add the lack of a loving mother figure for the kids, and [[Horus Heresy|well...]]

====Planning for the Horus Heresy====

To throw a spanner into the works when considering whatever the Emperor's "goals" might have been: A very interesting claim was made by Malcador himself to his dying confidante Sibel Niasta that the Heresy was all [[Just as planned|part of the plan]], that the Primarchs were designed as "conquering tools and nothing more", set on course to fight for dominance and eventually turn on each other and challenge the Emperor directly. This is corroborated by what we already "knew" from ''Master of Mankind'' and the Emperor's own attitudes towards the Primarchs ''(which admittedly has constantly been shown to be shifting. As has been frequently pointed out the final confrontation between Horus and the Emperor - as we currently know it - would not make any sense if he merely considered them to be disposable tools anyway. Why "hold back" then to start out with?)''. The Primarchs were manipulated against each other with [[Rogal Dorn|unequal]] [[Perturabo|favour]], jealousies stoked in order to achieve this, and he also claims that those who [[Magnus|would not be manipulated]] [[Primarch#Two Missing Primarchs|never reach the end game.]] What is not certain is whether he was speaking the ''whole'' truth since he does later admit privately just after the conversation that he had to lie to mortals to spare their sorrow, so what parts he "lied" about are uncertain ''(he could've made the whole "just as planned" story up, it could've all been true and he was regretting manipulating the Primarchs and their legions, it could even refer to a single sentence where he implies that the Emperor will save her soul after death)''; he also admits that the outcome had been altered by the [[Chaos Gods|great enemy]] who had emboldened their champions and started the battle early so he did not know with absolute certainty how it was going to turn out.

However, as shown from ''"The Board is Set"'' or the novel "The Outcast dead" Malcador and the Emperor were certainly shown to have considerable amounts of foreknowledge regarding the Horus Heresy and certainly ''did'' play the Primarchs against each other in order to attempt to counter the manipulations of Chaos. However in the Board is Set, Malcador is shown that the Primarch's destinies were not necessarily fixed and could have been played in different ways; some [[Ferrus Manus|Primarchs]] were [[Sanguinius|sacrificed]] for greater goals like you would remove a figure from the board to give you a better edge. Whilst the Emperor had the knowledge that certain [[Roboute Guilliman|others]] were crucial to final victory. Malcador is also shown to not have been aware of the full plan or the flow of destinies; he is unaware of how certain seeming "winning" strategies are left unplayed because they have unexpected knock-on effects, or that certain moves played early or late could have had disastrous consequences.
*Such as why the [[Rogal Dorn|"Invincible Bastion"]] is not used to take the [[Horus|"Lord of Hearts"]] [[Battle of Phall|early on in the war]], since it would force both of the [[Alpharius|"Twin"]] pieces to switch sides to the Warmaster and be able move on the Emperor's home space and cause the game to be lost. This is also significant because it shows that whichever side the Primarch had joined could have been variable, and did not automatically mean that it was working towards the same goal as its leaders.
*Malcador was also surprised to find out that the game could be changed by factors they might be unaware of, such as the "Corruption" of the [[Mortarion|Lord of Clouds]] in the mid-game when they had expected him to resist like he had in their previous playthroughs. The Emperor appeared genuinely saddened by this change, hinting that he either still cared about them even when they had already turned against him, or that some Primarchs could have potentially been recovered and returned to the fold after the conflict had ended. Malcador was also shocked to think that the Emperor could be blind-sided by such an alteration; with Malcador only beginning to see the game for what it truly might have been, rather than simply a means of testing strategy.
*It is important to note that from the beginning of the game, the "Primarch" pieces were essentially blank slates, and only gained their unique shapes and identities as part of their first activations after the Scattering, possibly indicating that the Primarchs could have potentially switched roles with one another depending on the first few moves. ''(Perhaps Sanguinius could have become the Lord of Hearts? or Perturabo become the Invincible Bastion?)''
*Before the first move takes place, the pieces were arranged ten per side, which was more than available Primarchs at the time. The Emperor had his own golden piece but the "Lord of Hearts" began the game in blue and became switched in the first move ''(giving the Warmaster eleven pieces after the first move)'' while the "Twins" would not be divided until the second move, providing twenty-one pieces on the board. Ignoring the additional piece ''"the Fool"'' that Malcador had never seen before, means that there must have been one other significant player somewhere that we are not aware about. That and the division of units under the control of the "Emperor" and [[Chaos|"Warmaster"]] in the game would have been very different from the apparent division of Loyalist/Traitor Primarchs in the actual conflict, meaning that the roles they played and were expected to play '''did''' change drastically as the game progressed.

Taking several factors into account, it is absolutely certain that Malcador and the Emperor had enough foreknowledge to know that the Horus Heresy was going to happen from the point of the '''Scattering''' onward. To say that it was all part of his "Grand Plan" would be a stretch, that many of the Primarchs had municipal gifts ''(Perturabo's architectural mastery, Fulgrim's artistry etc)'', came with purposes suited to the Emperor's grand plan for a post-human society ''(Magnus' and the Webway, Mortarion as a witchseeker)'' and he definitely [[Vulkan|created one of them]] [[Perpetual|"different"]] from the rest with the explicit purpose of teaching the others how to settle down after a lifetime of war shows that the Emperor probably did have a plan for his Primarchs that didn't involve losing half of them and then chaining himself to the Golden Throne. Otherwise why make twenty Primarchs with gifts related to your post-battle plans in the first place if you knew you were going to lose half of them? People who claim that this outcome was all part of the Emperor's plan have either missed or forgotten the fact that his opponent in the "game" was Chaos, and not Malcador ''(Malcador and Emps switched places several times in their playthroughs which Malcador thought was just a means of testing strategy until it finally dawned on him that there was more to it)'' and that the Chaos Gods had their own plans for the Primarchs too and were fully capable of changing the rules whenever it suited them. Not to mention the [[Cabal]]s of alien psykers manipulating humanity for their own outcome, [[Perpetual|Immortal humans]] that interfere with predictions of the future, and [[Watchers in the Dark|extradimensional beings]] trying to stop the primordial annihilator from manifesting all by making their own moves and causing more complications.

If anything; ''The Board is Set'' goes a long way in explaining why the Emperor couldn't do any more with his advanced notice of impending conflict as any wrong move he made could have immediately spelled disaster for humanity. Plus the Emperor's foresight was not perfect and it did not necessarily marry up with his practical knowledge; even though the game he played with Malcador showed the "[[Lion El'Jonson|Double Edged Sword]], [[Roboute Guilliman|The Uncrowned Monarch]] and [[Sanguinius|The Angel]] spending most of the game off to the side, the Emperor had no idea [[Imperium Secundus|what they were actually doing]] until Malcador relayed the message from [[Leman Russ]]. His psychic foresight seems to have been shrouded in allegory and symbolism, rather than concrete certainty.

Also note that "destiny" is different from what the Primarchs were "designed" for ''(case in point: Magnus being designed to operate the Golden Throne, but also being destined to damage it)''. While Emperor had designed all of his Primarchs for specific tasks, he would not have been able to identify the destined role that each Primarch was meant to play until events had already been set into motion and pulled them onto certain paths. He might been able to guess that Magnus was "the Library" or that Dorn was the "Invincible Bastion" but could not have been certain until the first moves of the game had been made. So until then he could only treat the Primarchs according to their gifts; hailing them as heroes, building them statues and trying to steer them away from obvious sources of corruption such as [[Magnus|sorcery]] or [[Lorgar|religion]]. Even if the Emperor ''had'' suspected which ones would turn against him and tried to eliminate them before they became problems, their destinies could have unfolded in a completely different way, potentially causing a similar conflict to happen albeit with a different combination of playing pieces on the board, or alternatively sacrificing any control he might have actually had over the Primarchs and still have ended up with a disaster on his hands. Also bearing in mind that he still needed to complete the Great Crusade and his Webway project; to put those plans on hold until the issue with Primarchs had sorted themselves out would probably have done him no good either because like the Emperor himself, [[Chaos]] is capable of playing the long game.

[[Lorgar]] is an interesting issue: Malcador once claimed that if he could have saved just one of the traitor Primarchs, it should have been Lorgar. However, from the Board is Set, the Emperor points out that game doesn't start with any piece other than the "Chosen", strongly hinted to represent Lorgar with his initial swaying of Horus and thus beginning the Heresy. This implies that no matter what moves are planned for, or what Primarchs ended up on either side; Chaos will '''always''' have a "Chosen" piece to start the game with. If Horus had been protected, Lorgar might have simply started the conflict with someone else, making Chosen/Lorgar perhaps the more crucial piece. Though keep in mind that Malcador speaks with the benefit of hindsight, and as mentioned previously, the Emperor was not omniscient, it is possible that neither of them were to fully realise that Lorgar was the Chosen until the first move of the game had already been made. What is most tragic is that Lorgar ''really'' wanted the love and approval of his father and was probably the most fanatically loyal to him in the early days, so turning him into Chaos most pivotal piece is a cruel irony. If it were possible to have actually saved Lorgar before the conflict started, it would have probably unbalanced the game as Chaos would have been forced to find a different Primarch to fill the role of "Chosen", potentially upending the game altogether.

Until the end of the Heresy, Malcador was not actually aware of how the final conflict actually played out; having seen himself only as an advisor, he was ignorant of his own role. The Emperor showed him in the final days that his piece, "The Fool", would switch places with the Emperor to snatch victory and allow the [[Roboute Guilliman|"Uncrowned Monarch"]] to play his "Salvation" strategy and win the game against chaos by tearing the throat out of the serpent. Malcador's "lie" to his servant was most likely to provide the illusion of control; when in fact the Emperor and Malcador were desperately seeking to find an alternate solution that would not doom everyone. But pretty much like the Emperor stated in "The Outcast dead": "Sometimes the only victory possible is to keep [[Chaos|your opponent]] from winning.".

===But what does all that mean for The Duel?===
Yeah...about that. Regarding the Emperor's duel with Horus, we're all reasonably sure we know the old story. The Emperor faces down Horus, and had the power to roflstomp him, but his love for his favorite son prevented him from going all out, and Emps gets his ass kicked. It takes an extraordinarily callous killing by Horus to finally convince the Emperor that Horus is completely beyond saving, and Emps blasts him full power to put an end to the Horus Heresy. The rising problem here is that this version of events heavily relies on the Emperor's compassion (particularly towards his sons), compassion that the Horus Heresy books and Dark Imperium repeatedly assert that he ''never had'', either then or in the 41st millennium. For example, the Emperor put down his Thunder Warriors as soon as they served their purpose, and he didn't even pretend to care about Angron and his Butchers nails, asserting that he would keep him as long as he had a use for him, and so on. Anyway, without compassion, the duel scene in its current form simply does not work. After all Horus had done in the years before, in a room with the maimed corpse of Sanguinius, a loyal and beloved (as far as it goes with Big E, at least) son of his, there is really no way he would have gone all fatherly love on Horus and not just blasted him, or at least tried to. (Maybe the current form is Imperial propaganda trying to conceal the fact that Horus simply kicked his shiny golden ass for some reason?) So what the hell actually happened? A very good question, at this point. [[Laurie Goulding]] has implied that when the Heresy books finally get to it, the final duel may play out ''very'' differently from how we think we know it. It certainly wouldn't be the [[Ollanius Pius|first time it's been retconned]].

One possible explanation for why Emps' couldn't immediately obliterate Horus is perhaps due to divided attention and strength. During the fight, Malcador was being taxed to the core and maybe the Emps was lending his power to buy Malcador some more time and thus was not able to actually unleash his full strength on Horus. However, Malcador had already received the same speech about being used as a disposable pawn by the Emperor for the sake of the overall goal, and knew he was going to die anyway as the Throne-switcharoo had been planned before the traitors had even arrived at Terra, so the Emperor would have no reason to stall just to save one man, even if they were genuinely friends. The Emperor also knew in advance that the outcome would be his entombment on the Throne; when he found out about this he claimed that it was more than he expected but went so far as to tell his Custodians that his dream for the future of humanity was pretty much dead. Without the support of Magnus ''(who was always intended to sit on the Throne)'' unless someone came around with the knowledge to fix the Throne he would be trapped there until it it failed but according to his discussions with Malcador there was room for "[[Roboute Guilliman|Salvation]]" to come later. One other possible suggestion for why the Emperor might have stalled is perhaps his prescience glimpsed some preferable alternative to simply pasting Horus then and there, but until that gets resolved it can only be speculation.

On a rather related note, one can assume E-Money knew the tragic cases of Magnus, Curze & Angron and all of his sons through premonitions. Given that the future can be changed (as in the case of the Lion who feared the future of Curze) though not necessarily changed for the better or come without consequences ''(such as knowing that Rogal Dorn could have defeated Horus early in the war, but Alpharius would have assaulted Terra and resulted in a Chaos win anyway)'' the only options available to E-Money were to salvage the best he could from a shit situation.

Anyway, he is now stuck on the Throne guiding his subjects in the few ways available to him in his current state as an all-powerful vegetable.

Perhaps, or perhaps not, to have hesitated out of love for a son, the final weakness during the last test to save mankind, that would have shown why the Emperor couldn't afford to love anyone, not even his own sons, and turned him into what he is now. Though more recent fluff shows him to have always been more pragmatic than that. While he did seemingly care for his "sons", his foresight had shown him that half of them would turn to Chaos and move against him ''(whether or not you believe Malcador's statement that it was planned from the start)''. Perhaps he even saw that there would always be half the Primarchs turning to Chaos and all the Emperor could do was choose which ones and try to plan for them. Maybe the two missing Primarchs were dealt with just to try and reduce the number of Primarchs and Legions involved without crippling the Great Crusade. Though even with this foreknowledge, the Emperor was on the back foot and many of the actions of the Horus Heresy involved playing the Primarchs against each other to prevent an overall Chaos victory rather than achieving an Imperial win.

== ADB on the Emperor in Master of Mankind ==
TL;DR: Everyone whom has the chance to be in the Emperor's presence perceives something different, based on their own experiences and expectations. Nothing He ever says should be taken at face value, since it is 'warped' by the narrator's interpretation.

In response to criticisms on his portrayal of the Emperor, ADB posted this detailed answer:

''That's true, and I definitely wanted to bring out a better understanding of his vision and what he was up against, but that's also lore I'd wager anyone with a deep knowledge of the setting already had a handle on to some degree, whether explicitly or not. What I wanted to avoid was too much "new" stuff. You have to put in something new, and thankfully what little newness I do introduce in my work is seemingly well-regarded, but I've always said our job (as I see it) is to illustrate the setting and show what it's like to live there, not to set it in stone. As much as the fandom adores "advancing the storyline", it's not something that interests me, by and large. I try my best to show things from the perspectives of characters on the ground level, bring a few perceptions of the setting through the lens of my own imagination and the insight I'm lucky enough to get endlessly talking about the setting with its creators and inheritors, and then get out. Most of my books are, to some extent, not definitive. They're about Some Guy, not the entire faction.

''Grimaldus in Helsreach has no bond to the wider war on Armageddon and hates that he's been left behind by the Black Templars, but he's (hopefully) a good example of what it feels like to be a Black Templar, and to think like one, and - crucially - what it feels like to be a human around them. Talos and the other characters of First Claw spend a trilogy unable to decide what the Night Lords Legion really was, and each of them remembers their glory days differently. I didn't want to speak for the whole Legion. Hyperion in The Emperor's Gift is a largely generic Grey Knight present in dire circumstances. HH-wise, I didn't want to show all of the Word Bearers and base a book around the expectations of Kor Phaeron, Lorgar, and Erebus, so I focused on the Serrated Sun in the middle of the changes taking place across the galaxy. Savage Weapons is largely about Corswain, not about Curze and the Lion. The Master of Mankind is about Ra, Zephon, Jaya, and Land in the heart of the Emperor's plans for the species, not about the Emperor himself. As much as I wrote about Angron and Lorgar, they get significantly less in-their-heads screen time than most other primarchs in most other books.''

''It's harder to do that with the Heresy, but - again - I do my best to present individual experiences and mindsets in characters like Khârn, Argel Tal, and Ra, rather than definitive looks at the entire Chapter/Legion/faction and setting its events in stone. I try to present a feel for how it is to live inside that culture and be part of the experiences they go through; it's about immersion into the Chapter or Legion, presenting them as believable and real, not definitively saying "All of Chapter X are like Y."
''
''So: I'm reluctant to talk about TMoM and the Emperor's perception in that book in any real detail, partly because the book is still new and there's a lot individual readers would do better discovering for themselves without my thoughts in public, and partly because everything I'd say is ultimately in the book. Anything I say will be taken out of context or weaponised one way or another somewhere, and used in a way that makes me sigh, cringe, or a dramatic melange of both that shall hereafter be called the sigh-cringe.
''
''(Plus, most of all, I have faith in readers. They don't need me defining anything, even if it might be interesting for a few peeps.)''

''So, I'll just say this. The Master of Mankind is entirely from the perspectives of people that meet the Emperor in pretty specific circumstances. There are, obviously, other circumstances to come. Nothing in it is definitive, even less so than my usual work. Any definitive statement you can make about how the Emperor sees something or does something is almost always contradicted in the book itself. That's not an escape clause or an excuse. It's the point. Writing him definitively would've been the easiest and most disappointing thing in the world.
''
''(And on that note, remember, everyone views 40K differently. What Person X is absolutely certain is the truth of the Emperor and the best way to present him would be laughed off by Persons A, B, and C. The flip side to that is that not every perspective is founded in fact or understanding. The earliest "I've not read this yet, but..." criticisms and misunderstandings of TMoM in, ah, certain reddit/chan-style locations was regarded by GW IP folks as, I quote: "These angry people seem to be beholden to a version of 40K that has never existed...")
''
''But in all seriousness, I don't want to delve too deeply into explaining the ways the Emperor's contradictions matter or don't matter. They're there, and they're definitely formative - totally agree - if not exactly definitive. With the Emperor, a lot of interaction is about getting out what you put in. You get what you give. Your perceptions and expectations are reflected back on you because that's how the human brain perceives everything (a fact that cannot be overstated; the science behind it is fascinating and all-important), especially when you're talking about someone who exists on that plane of power. At one point the Emperor makes mention of the notion that he's not even speaking, that being near to him allows the conveyance of meaning through psychic osmosis, and communication telepathically. He's not even talking. It's raw understanding filtering through a mind, or just the way the mortal mind comprehends the aura of what the Emperor intends, or, or, or...
''
''That's what I mean. TMoM is littered with that stuff. Does he only address the primarchs by number instead of name? Some characters will swear he does that, and doesn't that just perfectly match their perspectives of the primarchs as either emotionally-compromised "too-human" things that think they're sons (Ra), or genetic masterworks that have become galaxy-damning screw-ups that have literally let the galaxy burn and brought the Imperium to its knees, leading people to be exiled from their homeworlds (Land). Do you think Sanguinius will agree? Or care that's what mortals think? The Emperor's portrayal on that isn't even consistent between Ra and Diocletian, two of his Custodians - and on PAGE ONE, the only time he interacts with a primarch himself, and the one and only thing he says to Magnus the Red is...?
''
"''Magnus''."

''Like... that's a pretty strong indication that the interactions which follow are playing by different rules. Ra sees the Warlord of Humanity, just a man, but a great mean, weary and defiant, burdened by responsibility. Daemons see their annihilation, and go insane in his presence. One of the Knights, as they're marching through the Throne Room, is caught in religious rapture, unable to do anything but stare at the glorious halo of the Emperor of Mankind on the Golden Throne. One of the Sisters of Silence, in the same room, literally just sees a man in a chair. Another character, not Imperial, asks a Custodian if the Emperor even breathes. She believes he's a weapon left out of its box from the Dark Age of Technology. (With thanks to Alan Bligh for that one, he adores that theory.)
''
''So I don't think it's exactly a spoiler to say that if and when I get to write a character like Sanguinius in the Emperor's presence, or Malcador, they'd have entirely different experiences than Ra and Land. I'd loved to have had that in TMoM, but as much as it would've given wider context, these aren't rulebooks and essays; it would've been self-indulgent for the sake of 'hoping people get it', and cheapened the story being told, which was ultimately in a very narrow and confined set of circumstances. Breaking out of that narrative would be offering a sense of scope and freedom I was specifically trying to avoid in a claustrophobic siege story. Because theme and atmosphere is a thing.''
''

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him so hard he ended up spending the next 10,000 years on the Golden Throne as a rotting corpse. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an mutant or even an alien skull? <s>(What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull)</s> [[Blam| '''*BLAM!*''']] Anyway, back to the topic at hand. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often. But he still looks ''fabulous'' without his armor.]]

{{Topquote|We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified, who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++|the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra (Most Christian elegan/tg/entlemen will recognize it as a bastardized version of The Apostle's [[Creed]])}}

{{Topquote|Did Horus not say that you sought godhood? He built a [[Horus Heresy|rebellion]] upon that claim. How he would gloat, to see the Imperium now|[[Roboute Guilliman]]}}

The Imperium advocates worship the Emperor as the one true God through the [[Imperial Creed]]. This creed is propagated and its adherence is enforced by the [[Ecclesiarchy|Adeptus Ministorum]] and the [[Inquisition]]. All citizens and fighters of the Imperium have little-to-no say about their choice in faith (or lack thereof); they ''must'' worship the Emperor through the various Ministorum-approved faiths throughout the galaxy (due to varying cultures, many planets have their own way of worshiping the Emperor. Although these are heavily regulated by the Ministorum to weed out any heretical influences.), there is no middle road or compromise that doesn't involve the apostate being on the receiving end of a state-sponsored public lynching. Anyone who defies or deviates from the teachings of the Imperial Creed (or even is just perceived to defy it), whether willingly or unwillingly (after all, incompetence is inexcusable in the eyes of the Emperor), is condemned as a heretic and is executed (whether its going to be fast or excruciatingly slow is dependent on the person judging the condemned). Even if someone hasn't disobeyed the Imperial Creed but is deemed to have will be treated as if they broke the Creed. Forgiveness for one's sins is possible, although these cases are exorbitantly rare (at least the ones that doesn't end with the accused being condemned to a glorious death, and it usually is extremely painful.). It doesn't help that some of the members of the Ecclesiarchy and Inquisition are so batshit insane that they are killing countless innocent followers of the Imperial Creed for no reason.

Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they realized what he taught them when he preached the Imperial Truth was complete bullshit. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss, unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether (which basically shows how ineffective the Imperial Truth really was and how much the Emperor has screwed up). Unfortunately this still made them targets and the Imperium was used by Chaos as a cats-paw to wipe them out.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body shut down and died. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of bravery and perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply their biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Kroot|Humanoid wingless bird men cannibals who absorb traits from what they eat]]
*[[Vespid|Humanoid insects with claws capable of ripping through the toughest armour]]
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep, and to have Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Lost and the Damned|Traitors who turn their backs on the Imperium and try to destroy it]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun (and who may be the puppets of an older and even more malignant civilization)]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanity's potential fall]]...
*[[Hrud|Humanoid Rats that cause anything, living or not, to rapidly decay through touch]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium would have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself. So yes, much like IRL religion, it gives them hope and courage to fight on and survive in a universe that leaves the [[grimdark]] faucet running everyday and night.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. Or on creating a functional pantheon of genetically engineered demigods, one of whom looked like and was referred to as a literal Angel. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==On the Death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Son, I am disappoint.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it (at least until they finish studying Malcador's staff, provided GW doesn't forget that plot point), it is certainly possible that the Golden Throne may stop working entirely, though what this might do is up for debate, since the Emperor has been dead for a very long time now.

Yes, yes, you read that right, the Emperor is dead. Now quit your shrieking and take a fecking chill pill, there's more to it than that. Being the single most powerful psyker in the history of the human race, the death of his physical body isn't the same "GAME OVER, MAN!" it would be for the rest of us mortals. The Emperor's mummified corpse is still inhabited by his spirit much the same way as [[Lord Kroak]], except he's powering the Astronomican (and possibly keeping the warp from swallowing Terra) instead of being hauled around on a golden anti-gravity palanquin to smite the enemies of the Imperium with golden fire.

Back to the matter at hand, with how arcane and ill-understood the Golden Throne's workings are all we have to go on are theories. It might be somehow enhancing his psychic abilities through its connection to his corpse and this would be lost when it gives out, or (rather more likely seeing as how parts keep failing and yet nothing changes) it might be something the AdMech keeps running since they think it's doing something that it isn't. No one knows, and no one really wants to find out.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:800px">In any case, a lot of fa/tg/uys don't seem to know that the Emperor's dead, and so a lot of theories arise as to what might happen if something that already happened ends up happening. Click expand to view these theories and keep in mind, these are all kept with their fa/tg/uys speculation intact.

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===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]] says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at its center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger. Now the Throne is ''also'' beginning to show signs of irreversible breakdown, but what happens if(/when?) Big E dies is actually which of the two fails first.

According to the Old Earth novel, the Golden Throne has a Vulkan-forged device called Talisman of Seven Hammers that acts as a dead man's switch: it supposedly will destroy all of Terra if the Throne finally kicks it. The Talisman has never been referred to in previous fluff, though the fullest implications of the Throne failing have never been explored either.

In any event, the death of the Emperor's physical body is theorized by some fans (and the Eldar in-universe) to have the potential to create a new Chaos God and a new Eye of Terror, assuming that the warp rift the Emperor was keeping closed doesn't create a new Eye of Terror first. The effect of Vulkan's talisman is a wildcard, as it was shown to have the capability to annihilate ''(not merely banish)'' a Greater Daemon even '''before''' it was connected to the Throne, and earlier in the same section the ''residual'' energy left over in the Emperor's fulgurite was sufficient to make an army of Bloodletters simply not be there any more. Connecting the talisman to the Throne magnifies its power to the point that the Emperor believes it would not merely deny Chaos their victory on Terra, but can strike a blow against them "the likes of which they will never recover from". Chaos may still get their warp rift, but may be burned badly by the Emperor's final "fuck you".

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. Various Horus Heresy novels present the Emperor as a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson, [[Alivia Sureka]] and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense. As for the question of why he simply didn't wait to resurrect into a spanking new body before being interred in the Throne, refer to that giant warp tear in the webway project and the *urgent* need to keep it sealed at all times.

All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]]. Too bad the Warp rift and the Astronomican don't have time to wait for him to do so.

A whole faction of the [[Inquisition]], '''Thorianism''', exists to investigate the possibility of regeneration; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.) That being said: This may be the best option if they can keep the Emperor powering the [[Astronomican]] with one body while having his mind in a different body wandering around.

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, whose top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

This is supported by Path Of Heaven, when Jaghatai Khan and the White Scars use the Dark Glass device to boogie woogie back to Terra. Much like Malcador, the one who uses the Dark Glass device is reduced to ashes just using it for a couple of moments, and the Dark Glass also has a Throne unit to control it, though it is described as the Golden Throne’s lesser cousin. The Golden Throne is described by the Chief Librarian using Dark Glass as “far greater, immensely more powerful, ''older, fouler, set deeper in the fabric of both reality and unreality.''”So just what ''is'' the Golden Throne? From way above, we know it’s a pain engine powerful enough to make a Haemonculus blush, those using it need to be powerful Psykers to actually control it, it consumes the souls of those who use it, unless that person also has innate regenerative capabilities (which, oh, let’s see, leaves us with basically Emps or Magnus), and it exists both in reality and in the Warp. The Emperor himself in Master of Mankind is evasive on where he found the “core” of the Throne. Now imagine you’re Rogal Dorn on the Vengeful Spirit and you’ve just found the bodies of Sanguinius and Horus and a dying Emprah. You race back to the Palace because surely Malcador, the only person to even come close to knowing the Emperor should be able to help, only to find him strapped to a machine that is literally turning him to dust. You have no idea what the hell this thing is (because you’re a good kid and keep out of dad’s basement) but your Father tells you to strap him into the thing. You do it, even though Pops is weak and it just Gammorah’d the last guy to sit in it. Not a great situation but you do what dad says. Now he’s stuck there, unable to regenerate but also unable to get up lest demons invade/that sun dad left in the Webway blows up. Fast forward 10,000+ years, you’re dead, and everyone is too stupid to realize it’s a fucking PAIN ENGINE and not a life support system. The Emperor was literally slapped into the equivalent of an infinite soul shriver while at his absolute weakest. If he could just stop sealing the Webway gate while someone else (Magnus) took a pew, he could possibly stretch his legs out and be right as rain. So maybe, just maybe, the Golden Throne breaking down isn’t a bad thing? (fuck, Age of the Emprah here we come)

Or someone could slap a good-ol' Gellar Field over the Webway portal, completely solving the problem. Doh! I forgot! That wouldn't be Grimdark! Shit.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], force the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the [[Illuminati]], a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the [[Sensei]] and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. Ultimately, all this would be rendered irrelevant as the Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away. It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place. Kinda like Schrödinger's Cat. Schrödinger's Space Dorf.
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===Beyond the Emperor===
As stated in ''The Master of Mankind'', the Emperor himself considers he already lost the game to save Mankind's from consuming itself into the Warp while attempting to give the evolutionary jump, with the loss of the Webway he seems to have concluded the only thing that remains is a long decline and there is nothing else to do but to wage an ever losing war. Or is it? The Emperor himself recognized He isn't omniscient, His foresight can't reach all. When Guilliman shows up, the Emperor is amazed that humanity has still managed to survive and the Imperium is still alive.

During recent years the writers of Games Workshop have been hinting at a few facts, let us consider the following:
* The future is not absolutely written, and this comes from Chaos itself; even [[Tzeentch]] can't predict everything perfectly, requiring him to ask his [[Kairos Fateweaver|insane bird-oracle to clarify on these events]].
* The fall of the Imperium may be inevitable, but mankind may live on. Given the sheer scope of the human exodus, it's not outside the realm of possibility that some remnant of the Dark Age of Technology has continued unchanged from its original height, though it's very unlikely. For this to be the case it would somehow have to avoid nearly all xenos, chaos influence/worshipers, have its own way of dealing with latent psykers so that they don't be used be Daemons [[Enslavers|or worse]] and never have met any of the other traders, explorators and travelers in general that make up how the current Imperium discovers new planets.
* The [[Cadian Pylons]], while destroyed, were developed by beings that still exist. The fact the [[Necrons]] are still around opens the possibility that they may yet be capable of building replacements, and thanks to [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]] we know they are capable of closing of warp storms. Oh, and it seems like [[Belisarius_Cawl|Uncle Cawl]] is working on that.
* The Akashic Records truly exist and are somehow linked to [[STC|Ark Mechanicus ships such as Speranza]], this simple fact means all already existing knowledge is never lost forever, but merely incredibly hard to acquire.
* Creating humans immune to Chaos is a reality, both the [[Exorcists]] and the [[Grey Knights]] are evidence to this, and while the process is excruciatingly slow, highly prone to failure and prohibitive in resources it means Mankind can achieve through artificial means a sort of new evolutionary step.
* Not all Eldar died during the Fall, even if we are talking about 1 percent of the race it's still a great deal of individuals, and the fact they have managed to kick-start [[Ynnead|an anti-Chaos god]] is something no one, not even the Emperor managed to foresee (assuming he did not know that is what the Infinity Circuits were for, which he no doubt did considering how old he is). [[Eldrad]] has ultimately demonstrated there are other ways to fight Chaos (by being a dick).
** And thanks to Eldrad waking Ynnead up early (if only barely), Roboute Guilliman was awakened from stasis. Now he is preparing a [[Primaris Marines|new generation of Super Space Marines]] along with some awesome new gear to help take down Chaos. Plus some of the other loyalist Primarchs are still out there, and there is a possibility that they could return to help lead the Imperium fight it's many enemies.
** And for that matter, Eldrad declared by the end of The [[War of The Beast]] that the futures of Mankind and the Eldar are irrevocably interlinked. But, he did nothing to build on that, the dumbass. Add to that the fact the necrons too have given the Imperium a hand a few times and you suddenly notice there are more parties than the Emperor interested in not letting the human race fall. Despite the Imperium's completely justified hatred of xenos, they may be mankind's best chance of survival. That said, we still do have to remember that both the Eldar and Necrons want the Imperium and each other out of the way eventually in order to rebuild their empires, and the Imperium isn't keen on relying too heavily on the entities who will turn on them in a tip of the hat. On the other hand, desperate times call for desperate measures and who knows what the future could bring? Well, at least the Eldar to have more or less accepted their empire will never return and that sticking with the Imperium is their best bet for survival and power in the universe from now on. Which broke the balance and caused plot progression.
*Nobody saw the Tyranids coming because they hadn't even noticed the Galaxy was inhabited until the whole mess with the Pharos device. Not the Chaos Gods, not the Emperor, not the Eldar (though [[Orikan the Diviner|Orikan]] saw them coming), and the Tyranids are both an outside context issue for the galaxy (being the only faction with galactic pull that is completely and unambiguously disconnected from the War in Heaven or the Horus Heresy that serves as everyone else's origin stories) ties and a wild card in the fate of the Galaxy.
* If the Emperor wasn't a god to begin with, millennia of worship and countless psyker souls empowering him means that he's almost certainly a god now- and he knows it. Even when wielded by a "mere" Primarch his sword alone is capable of permanently destroying Greater Daemons (keep in mind that during Great Crusade and before he seems not to be able to do that), and given enough time his power might eclipse that of Chaos itself. (Though one could argue that Chaos powers up much faster than the Emperor due to having more sources to feed one and possibly having more worshippers)
* Finally, there is humanity itself. While He failed to take into account the fact that humanity is a mass of individuals rather than an abstraction, He also underestimated how this could work for good as well as evil. For every traitor and heretic, there is an equally devoted believer in the inherent goodness of mankind willing to stand against the Ruinous Powers, and it is on the individual level that the struggle between the Ruinous Powers and humanity is ultimately fought and decided upon.

Yes, the Emperor failed to avoid mankind's inherent flaws to hinder His Great Work (ironically, because He was guilty of several of them as well), but He also failed to see a lot of the good things mankind can bring in. In yet another twist of irony, his incapability to predict us may even thwart his own prediction of humanity's doom. At the very least, humanity accomplished more and survived longer than anyone expected, even the Emperor.

Indeed, this is [[Warhammer 40,000]], a cautionary tale about the End of Empires, but so was Warhammer Fantasy Battle, and, although we may not like the AoS-ification of the setting, there may still be more than [[Abaddon|just a complete failure]] for the future of Mankind and the Emperor.

'''Thought for the day:''' "The man who has nothing can still have faith."

== Gallery ==
{{SectionalPromotions}}
<center><gallery>
File:Emperor-Church windows.jpg|Put this everywhere to praise him, on your windows, the neighbours, just all your hive city.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|<s>Son, I am disappoint.</s> Empy's disappointment occurred well before this moment.
Image:E-Money_LowRes.gif|Now in animated ultra HD for your heresy needs.
Image:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
Image:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now bitches.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it. Or you'll get schooled.
Image:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
Image:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on some little bitch!
Image:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
Image:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!" Then again he never liked Horus in the first place.
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg|The Emperor isn't looking good here.
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
Image:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emps&SigmarGenderBendBy Flick The Thief.jpg| The same situation, but improved! {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''Silence Heretic!'''}}
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS! {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''Heresy!'''}} [[Extra Heresy]]!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher. {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''HERESY!'''}}, no make that [[Extra Heresy|extra Hersey]]
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this [[lovedagger|one]] is... nice. - {{BLAM}} {{Blam|'''Heresy!'''}}
File:Cultist-chan creating a distraction by flick.jpg
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is actually fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete and utter failure.
Image:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form, and his theme tone!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDZoyNzuWbQ&t=10s
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world.
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:1393390057238.png|The Emperor is a man of simple tastes.
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|The very first image of the Emperor, dating back to Rogue Trader.
Image:God_Emperor_Numen_Kawai_Onii-chan.jpg|[[Drawfags|Kawaii]] [[End Times (Warhammer 40,000|Emprah teaching]] us about the evils of [[Heresy|heretics]], while displaying his mighty [[Pauldrons]].
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design (or if he actually cared about him), The Big E might not have been late for all of [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out a lot differently.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine what would had happened if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy and The Emperor didn't have to start the Great Crusade to go and look for them... Wait a minute, where is that little scamp Omegon? (he's just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course! Ketchup sold separately!"
File:Strolling Emperor.jpeg|Having him look at you like this is a reliable indicator of how soon people are going to start referring to you in past-tense.
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Malcador the Sigillite]], the Emperors best bro.
* The [[Primarch|Primarchs]], the Emperors "sons".
* [[Sigmar]], his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] and [[Age of Sigmar]] counterpart (especially in the latter).
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
[http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]]
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:40k and Fantasy Gods]][[Category:Awesome]]

Ork

2020-07-21T20:33:23Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD:

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.
[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we go, let's break sum' zoggin' 'eads!]]
{{Topquote|War is the business of barbarians.|Napoleon Bonaparte}}
{{Topquote|Humies are mostly pink 'n soft, not strong and green like us orkz. And deyz alwayz arguin' over who's da boss. When one o dem wants to lord it over da othaz, dey say 'am rite speshul youz betta worship me' like dis golden yella bloke they keep praisin' or da followaz of dese weird spikey warp boyz some of dem love or dey say 'i know somethin that you lot dont so yaz betta listenup'. An den dey start scrappin' wid each other, da loony gitz. An' while dey argue, us orkz just come along and clobba da lot.| Anonymous Ork}}

{{Topquote|ORKZ ORKZ ORKZ ORKZ ORKZ.|Typical Ork Chant}}
The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major difference being that fantasy Orks, spelled Orcs, have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting, they don't use teef as currency, and they have different attitudes, particularly when it comes to losing a fight. Because of Games Workshop's desire to keep all their properties under hard lockdown they are now called "Orruks" in Age of Sigmar... So we’re actually going back in time to when orcs were named [[The Lord of the Rings|Uruks]].

Orks are the most fun faction of all for the simple reason that they are an over-the-top (even by 40k standards) band of merry misfit maniacs who like [[Shootas'an Dakkas#Ork Gunz|shooting shit up]], [[Choppa|chopping shit up]], [[Shootas'an Dakkas#Da Big Stuff|blowing shit up]], and generally being fun-loving crazies. Laughing gleefully as they run across worlds laying waste to everything as for them, it's all a game and everyone is a player. Unfortunately for everyone else, they're the only ones who think this way and they don't realize it. While the Codices generally meme up Orks as the comic relief faction, the novels involving them get pretty grimdark especially when it comes to their treatment of human slaves.

If Orks were summarized in one sentence, the best way to describe them would be as follows: '''''A race of retarded mushrooms born an hour ago that became too successful at existing.'''''

==Overview==
[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|350px|thumb|left|[[Ork_Boy|A typical Ork Boy.]]]]
Orks are the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]] <s>{{Blam|HERESY!}}</s> WHO LET DEM HUMIES IN 'ERE?! Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology (for a given value of "proficient"), which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of its power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them). The only Krork to exist in the present day (one of Trazyn's exhibits) wore exo-armour that was more sophisticated than power armour and stood 12 meters tall. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens anyway. see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen, save that it's all the same organism. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants; it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well shrug off injuries that would cripple a human. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork and [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually ''devolve'' instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during [[Xenology]] where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, first sprouting actual Orkoid [[Fungus|Fungi]], then eventually producing lesser motile Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop. All in all, this cycle was designed to fight against the Necrons, which sterilized a planet to its bacteria. Orks can terraform a barren planet into a veritable paradise this way, though what defines "paradise" is a point of discussion; if you like endless wars and tribal conflicts in a mushroom rich planet, it probably is. IS YOU SAYIN' DERE'S FINGS WHAT DON'T LIKE FIGHTIN' FEREVER? DEM UMIES IS REEL GOOD AT MAKIN' FORTS FER US TA KRUMP, SO DEY MUST LIKE FIGHTIN'...

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork is dismembered or dies. Like all fungi, these spores benefit enormously from decaying matter to draw nutrients from... such as enemy corpses. This means that heavy bombardment or entrenched warfare against an Ork force just results in thousands to millions of new Orks, similarly to [[tyranids]]. The concept of "blood-lust" is especially applicable to Orks, as combat effectively serves as the Ork reproductive process (with all associated hormonal incentives).

Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and [[dakka|shooty]] which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies ''while'' putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkilly possible that the wielder ''should'' be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.

Unlike most army doctrines, which emphasize strategic victories with minimal casualties, Orks view strategic gains as a secondhand priority, instead opting to kill more of the enemy whenever possible. Also, due to Ork biology and culture, they are not adverse to sacrificing large numbers of Orks to achieve a victory, in order to (in some cases literally) drown the enemy with their bodies.
Speaking of extremely high casualties, Orks also view death as something perfectly fine, as long as it satisfies their WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. More death, more WAAAAAAAAAAGH, which means the Orks can be greater Orks.

[[File:Eac.jpg|thumb|right|450px|Hey if it works...]]

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will ultimately go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red, because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the [[Blood Angels]] and [[White Scars]] gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint. (in fact, this is almost a universal truth: subfactions with red color schemes across 40k tend to be focused on speed and mobility, such as Saim-Hann and the Farsight enclaves.)

A hallmark of Greenskin civilization is the WAAAGH! (like "war"). A term of their oft-forgotten "true" language, deafening volume is a key part of its proper pronunciation. To this end, it is always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point. The WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and has proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that think otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]], which according to the Orks are engaged in a perpetual battle between themselves, a ditheistic belief system. One is "kunningly brutal" where the other is "brutally kunnin'", which is in itself a good summary of the Orkish race. The former (like regular Boyz) will punch anything in front of them first and only fall back on a more cunning trick if that doesn't work, while the latter (like the many Oddboyz) will try the sly trick first and only fall back on straightforward violence second. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition.

Beyond this internal conflict, there are groups amongst the 'outcasts' of Ork society, namely Freebooterz, that may even turn away from the worship of all things roight and orky, instead seeking patronage from the [[Chaos Gods|Spikey-Killy Gits]], although extremely rarely. Makes you wonder if there isn't a tribe of Feral Orks out there praisin' the Emprah (See section below).

Ork society is effectively the perfect society for the 40k universe. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the [[Imperial Fists]]. <strike>All of them.</strike> Scratch that, [[Slaughter Koorland|one of them survived!]] DAMN IT! SHOW ME DA GIT THAT LET HIM LIVE AND I WILL CRUMP HIM SO HARD HE WILL SE LAST CENTURY!

Fun fact: The Orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the [[Black Legion|Luna Wolves]] who destroyed them at [[Armageddon|Ullanor]]. The Orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, [[Horus]] traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper. Note: Why would you fear death, if death usually results in you being reborn into several thousands of yourself? Horus probably swept the spores up post battle and that's why they fear him. Though it's also worth mentioning that Orks harbor a natural fear of [[Farsight|Commander Farsight]] too, whom they know as "Da Red Commit". But then again he was committing Ork genocide so... and of course, we can't just forget the final great fear of the Orks, [[Commissar Yarrick]], the only normal human that can cause Orks to actively PANIC. On the other hand Yarrick, Farsight and Moon-Wolfie boyz are also considered a source of prime fighting so despite being scary they actually also attract Orks.

===Ork Life Cycle===
When an Ork WAAAGH's they release spores into the air (this also happens after they die). Depending on how many Orkoids are on a planet this can either be negligible to a planet's environment or kick off a terraforming (Ullanor-forming) process. The main feature generated by this process are the Spawning Shrooms. These "Shrooms" like dark places similar to normal mushrooms, but are connected to the spawning of Snotlings, Gretchin, Squigs, and Boyz. Boyz created by this process emerge fully-grown from cocoons, from which they [[rip and tear]] their way out as Orkilly as possible.

Keep in mind that all Orkoid organisms produce spores, and any given spore could mature into any given Orkoid phenotype depending on conditions. Not just Orks themselves, but also Gretchin, Snotlings, and all sorts of fungi or Squigs. Since there are enough varieties of the latter two to fill out every niche in a fully-formed ecosystem, there are quite a few thriving planets out there where the only things that ''aren't'' green are the freaking weather rocks, and occasional bright red Squig, and the air everywhere is filled with perpetual shouting.

===Waaagh Urlakk Urg/Da Lost Age M31===
Prior to the [[Horus Heresy]], Orks were the biggest threat to the [[The Imperium of Man]]. So big that the [[The God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor of Mankind]] was personally involved. The great galaxy spanning Ork Empire was put into temporary decline when Horus beheaded Warlord Urlakk Urg. The defeat of such a great Warboss led to the Orks being considered a broken force. By the time of the Horus Heresy the Orks were considered little more than vermin by the Imperial Forces, which would be their greatest mistake.

===Waaagh Beast/Da Age of Da Beast M32===
While the humies were off fighting their little civil war, the Orks were biding their time to create a proppa WAAAGH!. Six great Warbosses formed an alliance and brought together the shattered tribes of the Orks under a single cause; Da Greatest WAAGH the galaxy had ever known!!! The Ork forces raided myriad isolated Imperial worlds, cut off by warp storms during Horus Heresy and so unprotected and primed for looting, whilst the Bosses for their part managed to reclaim Da Home of the Orks, Ullanor.

The best Big Meks of the time came up with the idea of the Attack Moons, giant battle stations big enough to contain teleport-y gates and entire legions of Orks. The simple presence of one in orbit could decimate an entire planet's surface due to gravitational pull, and debris. This massive mobilisation by the Ork forces against the planets that lost contact went unnoticed by the the Humies for a near fatal period of time. It wasn't until the entire Imperial Fist Chapter was wiped out barring one (Don't worry gitz we gotz him in the end!) that the Imperium knew of the severity of the threat. They then realized there wasn't just one Attack Moon, there were ... Lotz!
* The Orks rebuilt Ullanor.
* The Beast (All 6 of them) made their presence known to the Imperium by killing off all but one Imperial Fist. Prime-Orks the size of Hab Blocks with Nobs the size of Warbosses and Boyz the size of Nobs.
* The Beast teleports an Attack Moon into Terra's orbit.
* The Beast sends Ambassadors to psychologically damage the Imperium's morale.
* The Beast takes on Vulkan and wins, though Vulkan likely got better.
* Waaagh Beast hits decline as the Imperium use Sisters of Silence along with captured Weirdboyz to explode vast swathes of the Waaagh.
* The Beasts slowly get killed one by one.
* Ullanor is reclaimed by the interlopers and marked for Exterminatus.
* The Adeptus Mechanicus feel a bit Ork-y and want that sweet loot, so they teleport Ullanor into a new orbit and rename it Armageddon!

===Da Age of War M41===
This is the age of Warhammer 40k from when GW didn't progress the timeline.
* Da Lost Waaagh
* Tuska Daemon-Killa
* Rynn's World
* The Second War of Armageddon.
* The Third War of Armageddon.

===Da Age of Da Ork M41===
With the advent of GW advancing the timeline so too has the Ork timeline advanced.
* The Great Rift has been dubbed Gork's Grin by the Orks. The Warp Rifts are being used by Orks to "navigate" across the galaxy. Typically being dropped into the best fights in the galaxy.
* Old Zogwort's Wierdwaaagh! destroyed a planet with Mork's snot.
* Mad Dok Grotsnik has been leading a Painboy Waaagh that's captured Silver Templar Primaris Marines.
* Ghazghkull is blessed by Gork and Mork so much that he can use the Warp Rifts [[The Beast|(Or some unknown means)]] to be at multiple places across the galaxy.
* Freebooter Warbands close in on the traitor world of Eisenfel, where Gork's fist is gonna crush da Chaos Gitz.
* Nazdreg is gonna loot a Stormsurge to prove that his boyz have the most Dakka, and surpass Badrukk's Flash Gits.
* The Antonis Crusade kills a bunch of Orks, leaving them as feral warbands, only for Night Lords and Feral Orks to destroy them.
* Death Skull Waaagh Zort loots the Necron Tombworld of Overlord Thanptek the Magnificent. Including the Overlord himself.
* Rynn's World gets Primaris reinforcements which acts as a beacon for Orks who want to Rynn's World 2: Electric Dakka-loo
* A Blood Axe Waaagh defeats the Heretic Skull Knights warband on Jakhtor. When the Blood Axes retreat it's soon realized that they are waiting for the Imperial reinforcements to arrive so they can get a proppa' fight.
* Krooldakka has lead a Speedwaaagh! on the planet of Vigilus. Leading to Ork death racing while waiting for the planet's defenses to weaken.
* Waaagh! Snagrack starts during the Psychic Awakening. A Death Skull Waaagh! with a large number of Madboyz created by the Great Rift.

==Ork Teknology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of WAAAGH!, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Imperator Somnium (the Emperor's own flagship). The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmentations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.

How Ork Technology works is up for debate. As written Ork technology is beyond comprehension by the majority of races. Their weapons/tech work and other races can use them, but not as effectively. [[Techpriest|Techpriests]] have taken apart Ork guns and reassembled them to what they assume is the same configuration only to find that they don't work any more. This leads to two schools of thought on Ork Technology.

===The Anzion Theorem of Orkoid Mechamorphic Resonant Kinetics - Every Ork is a Psyker===

The Anzion Theorem postulates that Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more esoteric their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. In current fluff, this is definitely not the case; if you hand an Ork a slugga that has been stripped of all internal mechanisms, it won't suddenly start firing bullets just because the Ork believes it should. However, if a crudely manufactured slugga doesn't fire in the hands of a human but *does* fire when wielded by an Ork, it is definitely Orkish belief that is bridging that gap. This also means that technologies that should be ''impossible'' become merely ''unlikely'' when crafted by an Ork. In short, if Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

To put it another way, Orks believe that, "Red wuns are fasta." They believe that blue is lucky. They believe that yellow is more shooty and/or more explosive, and that black represents strength and toughness. And because they believe this, it manifests as true; thus this applies not only to the Orks themselves but also to their wargear.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which, in a way, makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox: If Orks managed to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would quite literally nullify their ability to believe hard enough to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

This argument becomes <s> unstable </s> interesting when looked at too closely. In particular, if this was the case [[Psyker|Psykers]] would be able to combat Ork technology more effectively. In fact if Orks created a Psychic Field then [[Sisters of Silence]] could easily destroy it, causing Ork constructions to not work. Unless Orks psychic field is completely unrelated to warp energies. Which would give us a very interesting part of lore. However, keep in mind on the tabletop that Sisters of Silence don't flat-out destroy all warp energies. They certainly negate it, but its perfectly possible for a psyker to get a good roll and fire off a smite into his target. And if all the Orks are really psykers, then they'd probably overpower the negative-energy shield the sisters have. We know Orks DEFINITELY have a Psychic Field, and the Sisters don't seem to be effective against it unless we are talking weirdboyz, which seem to be kind of border case. Also, WAAAAGH energy is something almost completely different than the psychics other races use, and it tends to ignore/negate some of the restrictions other psykers have. That would suggest that the Old Ones when creating the Orks' ancestors actually used some other form of psychic phenomenon that is unrelated to or isolated from the warp somehow. This might suggest that orks' gestalt psychic field is actually very advanced form of technology similar to that used to create the webway (which is basically parts of the warp that are isolated from the warp itself) or alternatively that there is some kind third reality/energy/metalevel that is not related to the warp or reality but intersects both (because we know Orks' gestalt field works as well in the warp as in reality, evidenced by their starships traversing the warp and functioning). Ultimately we don't know, but there is something in there. Probably. Or it could all be powered by a bunch of grots duct-taped together. Who knows? In the end, we should look at it like the Orks themselves. If it works, who cares? Worrying about it just means less time krumping gits.

====Orks and the Emperor====

An extension of the "All Orks are Psykers" theory is that the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen 'appens (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be. Probably cos they're not stupid enough to realise he's a corpse more fucked than a Slaaneshi cultist at Ciaphas Cain's place.. 'ANG ON A SECOND.. I FINK DEY BE MAKIN FUN OF US...WELL.....MAYBE WE OUTTA GO STOMP SUM HUMIES! {{BLAM|That's right, the "chaos boys" are messing with you Orks, go stomp them in the name of the Emp... For the WAAAGGGHH! (-ahem- Heretics...)}}

====Orks and Yarrick====
Another slightly less stupid theory. Yarrick is still alive past the normal age for humans because Ghaz and his boyz think he should. <s> Not that he is taking rejuvenation treatments to extend his life like any other hero of the Imperium.</s> Also Orks believe a glance from Yarrick can kill them so it does. <s>Not that he's heard the story and decided to equip himself with a bionic eye with a laser to scare Orks.</s> Clearly Yarrick will live longer than the Emperor due to Orks believing in him...

===Ork Technology is More Advanced than it Seems===
[[File:Ork tech.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Basically this.]]
{{Topquote|Cultural collapse, reorientation of belief systems in the aftermath of a renaissance can provoke magical thinkin' in previously rational beingz...|Talker, Madboy on the subject of the Adeptus Mechanicus}}

On another perspective. Looking over the Ork codices from old to new the only record of Orks willing technology to work is one line in which a techpriest says "Well if we can't figure this out it must be magic". In fact, the only source besides that codex entry is this 1d4chan page... All other lore being from the Techpriest perspective. The Ork Codex points out that Mek Boys and Big Meks are genetically engineered by the Brain Boyz/Old Ones to know how technology works. In "Evil Sun Rising", the Big Meks who created the Stompa Fat Mork don't remember how they created their super compact, miniature red sun engine. The implication is that as the Meks worked together that it unlocked the technology. This might mean that the Brain Boyz/Old Ones programmed the mek genetics to gain access to bigger and better equipment when the army is at a proper size to create and maintain such weaponry. As Ork numbers grow and WAAGHs become bigger more technology is unlocked. The Gorkanaut and Morkanaut walkers are unlocked when Meks begin thinking that a Great WAAAGH is coming along.

Ork technology is special in many ways, while crude and impossible from an outsider perspective almost all of Ork technology is based on the idea of [[Looted|looting the enemy technology]]. They are the apex scavengers and can create weapons from the technology of the Imperials, Tau, Eldar, Necrons, and even the biotechnology of the Tyranids. It could be guessed that the Brain Boyz wanted Orks to be able to adapt to any battlefield and be able to resupply without need of supply lines. In this way Orks don't need to wait for a spaceship to drop a Titan to the battlefield for back up, instead they can build one out of that broken humie one.

And this is BEFORE we even consider what the hordes of the Beast were able to do that no other concurrent faction could, such as create Void Shielded Deff Dreads, Ork Ambassadors, and teleporting attack moons into the Terra's orbit.

'''HOWEVER''' there are a few holes in this theory. First one must remember that the Imperium is not the only faction to try and study/retrofit Ork technology. The Tau have a much greater understanding of science and engineering than the Imperium (but still dirt primitive compared to the AdMech) and still cannot figure out Ork tek. Though there isn't much from the Eldar perspective on how Ork Tek works, which could just mean that they don't care. The second point is that Orks use materials that shouldn't work as components for weapons and technology. When was the last time you built a gun out of sheet metal and literal droppings, and it actually worked? Finally there's [[Colorz]]; red paint causes things to go faster, yellow causes explosions to be bigger, and purple makes everything stealthy. Though Colorz only exist in the rules with Red Ones Go Fasta and Deff Skulls being lucky, <s>most of the other stories are overblown fanfics by the fanbase</s> '''*SMASH*''' '''''WAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!'''''.

Be that as it may. The possibility exists that mekboys are combining psyker abilities and inherent technical knowledge to construct tools and weapons with nano-level engineering. Allowing orks to use tech with a crude appearance hiding devices of unimaginable sophistication.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Weirdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz/Runtherders (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), [[Dorfs|Brewerz]] (makers of alcohol; lost to time), [[Noise Marines|Rockaz]] (musicians), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WAAAAAAAAGHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''']]

[[Speed freek]]s who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna Boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who make the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Painboy]]z====
Basically Orks medics, a Painboy's instinctive understanding - and obsession - is with medicine, anatomy and surgery. Unlike the Meks above who are seen with something like respect, other orks think Painboyz are dangerous and won't go anywhere near them unless they really have to. This is because, like the Mekboyz, Painboyz are driven mostly by their urge to explore and experiment and aren't very good at concentrating on what they're supposed to be doing. Which is okay when the Mek tinkers with a piece of gear, but a lot worse when the Dok starts poking around inside a body and removing bits at random just to see how it works.

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being REAL BACKSTABBIN GITs the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. SPEAK UP I CANT 'EAR YA! They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandoz]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|bush]]/[[Dorf|barrel]]/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork? Course not, dey's <s>too sneaky</s> don't exist.)

Kommandoz rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as night-vision goggles, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. However, their best weapon is often that the concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders [[Skaven|do not believe that Kommandoz actually exist]], which actually make their job easier to pull off. The Imperials quite often find out the very hard way that some orks have both brains and brawn. For instance, nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly [[Blood Ravens|hi-jacked]] a unit of three [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove one to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their duffs off as this was happening). Meanwhile, the Kommandoz ran off with the remaining one and two extra missiles.

Kommandoz are typically distrusted by other Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting straight to a fight, right and proppa as "Mukkin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. "Az dere ain't no such fing az a purpul ork!"

An ork asked about Kommando groups: "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy]]z====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their WAAAGH!! gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (and get it to actually happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy. Amusingly, most Weirdboyz are 'cowards', in the sense that they know bad things happen whenever they get into a fight alongside a bunch of other Orks so they try to avoid doing that. The other Orks are often forced to drag them along.

====Ambassadors====
:''"Don’t need an interpreter. We tell you how to surrender, you surrender. Easy. The Great Beast has you by the guts. Struggle, he’ll rip ’em out. Surrender, you get to keep ’em." - Bezhrak, Ork Ambassador''
"Ambassadors" as the humans of Terra called them are a dignified and "majestic" Oddboy dedicated to delivering threats directly to the enemy through the powerful weapon of words. At this time there is no known Ork name for these Oddboyz and are very rare to encounter. They carry staffs as their only weapon and have the ability to speak languages as if they were native speakers. The Ambassadors not only discussed terms of surrender, but acted as psychological warfare to destabilize the enemy.

:''The self-inflicted moral wound the Imperium would suffer if it acted with less sophistication than orks would be a septic one. - Vangorich''
Only ever seen during WAAAGH! The Beast in 544.M32. More modern encounters with ork Runtherders and similar ork-to-men communiques tend to use a translator device/person, instead. That said, many orks do pick up Low Gothic while interacting with human armies, especially more kunnin' Warbosses and Warlords.

====Snipers====
[[Inquisition|Ork Snipers are the bane of the Celestial Lions and took out the Chapter's Apothecaries.]] [[Vindicare Assassin|Highly accurate, the Ork Sniper is a dangerous enemy.]]

Hilariously, Grot snipers are a thing that exists, but it's incredibly rare to see them. It's probably because any grot that manages to slap together enough spare parts into a rifle get spotted by an Ork who thinks it would make a nice foundation for a decent shoota, and said grot will almost immediately get robbed at shoota- or choppa-point. On the other hand, these might make it in a scenario when Orks realize that a passable longarm is more valuable in the hands of somebody who can actually shoot straight.

There was an incident in the short story ''Red Reward'' where a guy was dropped into the front of some trench warfare between the Guard and Orks, and inspired the humiez to drive back the Orks in a counter charge only to get shot by a grot sniper. Ironically, the guy signed up with the Guard to escape prosecution on his own world, meaning he would have been a valid target to the elusive Ork sniper.

==Retired Boyz==
All following Ork Oddboys have been lost to time ([[Retcon|"Everything is canon, just not always true"]] - The way GW avoids officially retconning anything). They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===[[Goff_Rokker|Rokkaz]]===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. They do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff though never in any significant capacity. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock.
(note: the Goff Rokkas essentially make the [[Dawn of War III]] ork theme canon)
And...now they're back and canon again, in the June 2020 White Dwarf. Albeit renamed to the [[Goff Rokker]]z instead.

===Shoutaz===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that have disappeared were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA'''

'''DROWNS OUT DA'''

'''COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, and a FUCKING BENDY PENIS!

'''See, iffin' you'z had sum of dat purpley paint, dis wouldn' be a problem now, would it?'''

''' 'e got youz good, e' did. aneewayz da squigs ated da inturn again. Git ta cleenen dat wod ya.'''

''' I 'erd dem cleanin' orks do wat they do and don't even want no teef for it''' 

''' Dem Kleenaboyz iz ryte fine ladz, Dey gitz a 'fungabeer offa me n'ytime dey needz.''' 

===Brewerz===
Never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the ins and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, they've never done this in Scotland. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
[[What|Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes.]] 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

''' Zoggin DAMN'IT! NOT AGAIN!'''

===Female Orks===

MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!

Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff changed this, so that during later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this was then changed again and forgotten. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

 Oi'm twalf an' wots dis? {{FWIP|'''DAT GIT WAZ KRUMPED FOR DIS POST.'''}}

===Madboyz===
Not seen since the heydays of second edition and Epic 40k, although they're still mentioned here and there in the fluff. Madboyz are Orks that go crazy under the mental strain of knowledge encoded in their genes suddenly becoming available, their behavior becoming erratic and unstable even for Orks. The other Orks often round them up into a large warband that is set loose upon the enemy, in the hope their madness will prove useful or at least entertaining. (In game terms you rolled for their actions randomly, and it could vary from outright fleeing to going absolutely berzerk and charging forward while ignoring wounds.)

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
We had da new rulez for thiz gitz for weirdboy awotkaning
</ul>

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is the name that the Orks give the Old Ones. However, the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
(OBJEKSHUN! Dat'z still canon! (In fact, everything is canon! [Just not always true]) Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un too!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)
</ul>

===Chaos Orks & Mutant Orks===
Back in the days of [[Rogue Trader]], [[Chaos]] was considered an equal opportunity employer instead of just relying on corrupted [[Space Marines]] and [[human]]s. As such Chaos Orks were very much a thing, and in fact came in two distinct groups; [[Stormboyz]] of [[Khorne]] and general Chaos Orks. The basic idea was that most Stormboyz who didn't grow out of being Stormboyz would eventually gravitate to worshipping Khorne, as this was back in the day when Khorne had more of an "honorable, disciplined warrior" motif to him and thus he was considered a fine role model by the Stormboyz, whose whole thing was being disciplined, organized and professional compared to the anarchic barbarians of other orks. Other orks could also fall to Chaos, often but not always Khorne, without being still part of the Stormboyz cult. Both sets of Chaos-worshipping orks were regarded as "un-orky" by their mainstream fellows, but would sometimes be hired as mercenaries by warbosses in particular need of their killing power, or who just didn't really bother vetting their latest Freebooter hire all that well - they'd also happily join Chaos armies, where they were welcomed.

The big difference mechanically is that Khorne's Stormboyz were Stormboyz with the Mark of Khorne, whilst Chaos Orks were Orks with Chaos Marks, Chaos Gifts and Mutations.

Separate to both of these Mutant Orks, who had no intention of worshipping Chaos, but still got mutated as a result of exposure to Warp energies, radiation, psychic phenomena from the local weirdboy or the experiments of a Mekboy or Painboy. These wretches were social outcasts, and sometimes were allowed to join a Waaagh as expendable cannon fodder - not that they cared, because they hoped to ultimately prove they were still properly Orky. These poor sods sometimes mutated all the way into Chaos Spawn-OHGODGLARBABALAAGAAH!

==Ork Klanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' humie 'Armish folk.</ul>
On the tabletop snakebites have the rule 'DA OLD WAYS' which allows them to undo a wound given to them on a role of 6, kind of like having a pain boy around your entire army; best for green tide style ork armies or keeping that [[Squiggoth]] alive until it gets within krumping range.
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.</ul>
On the tabletop Bad moons take [[Dakka]] up to a whole new level with their 'ARMED TO THE TEEF' ability; meaning they have the ability to reroll 1's in their shooting phase (and then you can roll more dice with the sixes you can earn with said rerolls) Best paired with the [[MoreDakka]] ability and a hordes of anything that can shoot a lot (apart from grots obviously).
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* '''Goffs''' are the fightiest of all da Orkz. Dey'z always fightin', especially wif eachother - it's a rare Goff dat hasn't killed atleast somefing every day of his life. Dis constant fighting makes dem da toughest an' meanest of all da Orkz. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] 'imself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!</ul>
Goff's have 2 great things going for them, the first being [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka| the prophet of gork and mork]] and second being their ability 'NO MUCKIN' ABOUT' which gives them a melee equivilent to the Bad Moonz's ability, namely they can reroll 6's on melee attacks. Making a squad of Slugga boyz capable of delivering [[Rape| all sorts of carnage]] if they manage to reach the enemy. Melee focused ork armies are preferable for this clan.
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!</ul>
When playing the Evil Sunz on the tabletop take full advantage of their 'RED ONES GO FASTA' ability and use as many 'speed freek' models as you can, the clan ability gives all units (with the exception of [[Gretchin]]) a plus one inch to their move, advance and charge; with speed freek models this bonus is 2 inches instead. Oh and the ability also means you can advance your units and not suffer any penalty to accuracy for your assault weapons.
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfin' what's not nailed down an' if it's nailed down dey'll loot the nails den loot da fing wot was nailed down an' make it orky. An' oi does mean [[Looted|anyfin']]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color. deyz 'ave a bit of a "bad relashunship" wif some 'umies called da [[Blood Ravens|blud rafens]]. deyz hatez da blud rafens.</ul>
On the tabletop these orks have the ability 'LUCKY BLUE GITZ' which gives them a 6+ invulnerable save, you are also able to re-roll a single hit roll and a single damage roll for each unit with that culture, (so not only have they nicked the snakebites ability they also took a bit of the Goffs and bad moonz ability while they were at it). Also they have the ability 'DIS IS OURS! ZOG OFF' which basically allows any battle forged orks to hold an objective marker [[Troll| even if massively outnumbered.]] This clan is sort of an all rounder for ork players, a jack of all trades sort of deal.
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blud Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'', ''recownasense'', ''cammer floggs'', an worse of all, ''retreat''. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most'a da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ter Da Prophet hisself, o'course). Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.</ul>
Tabletop wise these guys are [[Creed| tactical geniuses]] with their 'TAKTIKS' able to [[What| take cover despite not really being in cover]] as long as the enemy is at least 18 inches away, making them good against [[Shooty]] armies, additionally their kultur gives them the ability to shoot or charge (but not both) even if they fell back within the same turn; essentially meaning this is the kultur you use when you are the type of ork player who believes in tactical retreats.
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
Later, when da humies learned dat der was six Beasts, and each lead a "lejun" o Boyz, dey started tinking dat each o da Clanz were da rem... Re... ''Leftovers'' o' each Beast's lejun. 'Oo knows if datz da troof, I sure as zog dunno.</ul>

===Ork Non-Klanz===
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Den dere's da '''[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]''', boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz and all'at. Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like [[Kaptin_badrukk|Kaptin Badrukk]] (teef), [[Wazdakka Gutsmek]] (goin' fast), or [[Zodgrod Wortsnagga]] (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like [[Kaptin Bluddflagg]] (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too if dey fink dere's a good reezun for it.
* '''Feral Orkz''' iz like Snakebites, but dey don't have a choice what wif not 'avin' access to Ork kultur seein' az dey don't got space travel. Often join da Snakebitez soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH!
* '''Speed Freekz''' is what you call da members o' da '''Kult o' Speed''', a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
</ul>

===What is the measure of a Klan?===
It's easy to think that Ork Klans are just galaxy-spanning groups of like-minded Orks; like there's just six huge fucking groups of Orks around the galaxy but as we all know, if Orks were that united, the rest of the races would have a real big problem on their hands. Ork Klans are more like six types of Ork personality that might have been engineered into the Orks way back by the Old Ones or created by the Beast's Legions in M32. Maybe they appeared on their own, who knows.

Let's take a random Ork Boy as an example. All Orks love a good scrap, looting and of course dakka. However, the individual Ork Boy tend towards one type of Orkitude over others. Maybe he's more into crashing into his enemies at high speeds (which would make him an Evil Sun) or maybe the looting after the battle is his jam (making him a Deff Skull). As a single Boy in a large mob, his preferences doesn't really matter - he'll just have to follow his Nob or get krumped - So it is the leaders and/or majority Klan of an Ork warband who'll decide how the mob acts. So a large horde of Orks led by a Goff Warboss will likely use black and white paint on their stuff and prefer melee combat like Goffs would, but that doesn't mean that every single Ork in the mob is a Goff.

When Orks gather for Waaaghs they tend to form new mobs that are ''actually'' comprised mainly of one Klan of Orks. The large amount of Orks in the Waaagh makes it easier for them to organize themselves into groups of similar interests. That's where the huge Mad Max-esque hordes of Evil Sunz Bikers and Trukks on Armageddon come from.

From another perspective, the ork klans could be seen as the orkish equivalent of various orkish ethnicity. Boys from the same klan will often have similar physiological features; goff boys are naturally bigger and tougher, bad moonz boyz teef naturally grow faster, etc. Orkish klans could be interpretted as orkish "races" inasmuch as orks are a "race" unto themselves. (Disclaimer: Not from /pol/) But they also reflect different philosophical views about what is best in life, whether it being going fast, having the flashiest lootz, or simply being the biggest, toughest ork of them all.

==Ork Terminology==
*Humie/Umie: Human
*[[Beakie]]: Space Marine
*Spikey Boy: Chaos Corrupted individuals
*Panzee: Eldar
*Gun Runt: T’au
*Tin Skull: Necron
*Bug: Tyranid
*Git: Generic insult/Anyone who ain’t being “Proppa Orky”.
*Choppa: Literally any melee weapon, even a bludgeoning one.
*Shoota: Two-Handed ranged weapon that fires a whole lotta dakka real fast.
*Slugga: One-Handed ranged weapon, more useful for making noise than for hitting things.
*Blasta: Two-Handed ranged weapon that isn't some kind of shoota. Ex. Kustom Mega Blasta.
*Grot: A [[gretchin]]/An alternative insult to git.
*Snot: A Snotling, a Snot is usually a Midget/Young Gretchin.
*Drops/Bog: The communal toilet, where orks relieve themselves. Also filled with squigs and mushrooms.
*[[Squig]]: Short for "squiggly beast". Various symbiotic creatures encountered around orks. Grown from the same spores as orks and grots.
*Krump: Beat up and/or kill/destroy.
*Kustom: Specially made and/or customized gear, usually reserved for Nobs, Bosses, and Flashgitz.
*Zog: Ruin and/or destroy. Often used as a curse or exclamation.
*[[Dakka]]: Rapid fire capability and weaponry. It is impossible to have enough.

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when. But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot itself. Orks don't much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks, having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill, will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most everyone around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotechnic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" <strike>(Yeah Blood axes dont know when to shut up) </strike> '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
[["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole|DA ORKING HOUR]]! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 8th ork-dition Codex-fingy, an dis time it's tourny-viable!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
++''{{BLAM| Previous record has been made of note to Ordo Xenos for immediate actions to be taken. The Emperor Protects}}''++

Ummm, wot woz dat? Zog, I've lost count of da resuns for being an Ork!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# All ya ave' tah worry 'bout is: foighin, lootin, speedin, sneakin, or mukin round wif sum technical gubbins ats' wots' used for foighin, lootin, speedin or sneakin. Da grots do da rest.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan legally talk like a <s> retard</s> proppa ard' git.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# Youz don't havta Hate everfink dat's not a Ork.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Eiff Edishun iz da horde edishun! We'z can field more boyz dan dem 'humies or bug fingies!
# No matta wot 'appens to da rezt of da galaxy, be it spikey boyz winning, Da 'umiez conkaring all da planetz, da Eldar succezzfully rezurrecting their godz, or da God-Emporer stepping down from 'is potty, you ztill 'ave a 99.99999% chance of surviving in zome capacity. There are Orks living in da Warp for Gorks sake.
# Wez da kannon winnaz of Soulstorm! Dat meanz we krumped dem 'undred baneblade fingys!
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike> *THUMP* LOK BOSS I GOT MEH WUN UH DEM UMIES!!!!
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too. A TRAGGADY, DAT IS!
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else. YOU SAY DAT LOIKE IT'S A ZOGGIN' BAD FING! 
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies. NAH, WE'S JUST GOT TA FIGURA' OUT WHUZ IN CHARGE NEXT, DAN WE COMES BACK AROUND TA FUMP EM AGAIN! <strike> Hiss! By that time we've NOMNOMNOMNOM'D on you </strike> '''*CRUNCH*''' ANUDDA 'EAD FER ME POINTY STIKK!
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus. OY, DOK. WUTZ DIS TETANATHINGY? CAN WE'Z SQUISH ET?
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour. ORKZ DUN' NEED ARMER! NOT WEN ORKZ GOT DAKKA!! SMASH DEM GITS WITOUT'IT!
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy. <strike> GOOD MEAT BAKKAWW! </strike> *THUMP* I DUNNO WUT DIS DUN SAID BUT IT URT ME EYES SO I KRUMPED IT!!!!
# You're part of [[Squad Broken]]. WELL UH.... ZOGGIT, YOO GOT US DERE.
# <strike>You haven't had a new codex since 4th edition. And it's starting to show.</strike> SHUT IT YA GIT, WE'ZE DA ORKS AND YOU'Z A BUNCH O PANSY GITS! B'SIDES, WE IZ GOING TA GET NEW CODEX DIS 6TH ED! OI BOSS WEZ GOT A SEVENF EDISHUN CODEX BEFORE THE PANSY GITS DID! N NOW WE'Z GOTZ A SHINEY NEW 7 ORK-DITION CODEX-FINGY! ZOGGIN' GORK! DIS EYFF EDISHUN KODEX IS DED KILLY! <strike>(And now you don't have a codex anymore.)</strike> '''*CRUNCH*''' 'AVE YOU 'EARD OF ORKTOBER, HUMIE? Your codex came out in November.
# <strike>There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."</strike> WHO KEEPS LETTIN' DEZ' HUMIES IN 'ERE! WE'Z BLOODY INFESTED! GET DA BURNAZ! <strike>(Also [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is apparently too busy with pestering Forge world for more Space marine resin collections to be converted into plastic for the main product line to be bothered with our humble bumbling green skins.)</strike> Tipakill 'umie bee'ayevyohr dat iz. Alwayz ignorin' da orky fingz in loif an' only payin' attentchuhn to zoggin' 'umie fingz. Downroight shaymfol dat iz. Da onlee REEL orky 'umie dere iz iz dat Kaptuhn Yarik; Gork - or eh, iz it Mork? - bless 'iz 'eart. (Trust us greenskin, Matt Ward ignoring you is a good thing.) But waznt 'e fired fur being an annoying grot? I GOT DA BURNAZ!! WE HAVIN A BBQ?? MAKE MINE CRISPY AN DUN FORGET DA EXTRA SQUIG SAUCE
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]]. DEM WEIRDBOY GITZ JUST ORK'D TOO 'ARD!
# <strike>if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not [[Ultramarines|DEM]] blue gits The [[Tau|udda ones]] wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.</strike>'''*CRUNCH*''' OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS. UNLESS DEY SEND DA RED COMMIT THO... GOOD FING DEY GOT RID OF HIM!
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz. *THUNK* DA GREATEST ENNEMY OF DA ORKS IZ DA RED COMMIT! DAT BLUE BOY'S STOMPA IS FREE TIMES FASTA DAN A REGULAR WUN!
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis. You can piss on Space Marines, only to die a short while later.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT? Wait... Dat what dey call the mushroom'n'spore pods? Poor suckas! Dey have PAIN nerves down dat way? No WONDER dey scream so bad when we kick em there. 
#<strike>Even (some) vegetarians will eat you</strike> NOT IF WE EAT DEM FIRST! HAH! 
# You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain [[Farsight|Red Armored Swordsman]]. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT! <s> More so than the Orks did against an old Ethereal with a pointed stick! *KRUMP* SHUT IT YA GREAT LANKY BLUE GROT </s> Dat Red Kommit ain't got nottin' on Yarik, da Kommit just has a good choppy bit! Yarik jus' has ta look at ya funni to zog ya! *Thunk* Da Redd Kommit wuz tearin' boyz wif his stompaz' bare 'ands before 'e found da choppa ya grot! 
# One of your gods has the voice of Robin Williams. Izzat a bad fing? 
# You have to deal with Vance Stubbs fans refusing to admit that they lost Kaurava. The only real defeat is people pretending you never won. BUT DEN WE GETS TA KRUMP DOSE BUTT'URT GITS AN HAV A REEL GUD FIGHT! WATZ DA PROBLEM WIF DAT? 

== See Also ==
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[Deffwotch]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Ork Klan Creation Tables|Not a fan of the original six Klans? Make your own instead!]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks (9E)|Tactics on how to play them.]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Gargant]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXCLtD5batc Dem Ork Boyz Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS, WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of Warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwards.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|[[Deff Skwadron]]. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff'en
File:Bork_Kube.jpg|A viable Ork space ship design. <strike>Actually, space doesn't have air resistance, so that would work fine for anybody</strike> *THUMP* WHO LET DE TALKY HUMIE GIT IN 'ERE?!
</gallery></center>

==Navigation==
{{Orks-Forces}}

{{Ork-Gitz}}

{{WH40k-Factions}}

{{Template:Important Species in 40k}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]

[[Category: Xenos]]

[[Category:Delightfully British things]]

Slaanesh

2020-07-21T20:30:46Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD: /* Facts */

[[File:Slaanesh_mark.png|center]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
{{Promotions}}
{{/d/}}
{{sick|The hermaphrodite goddess of rape who wants to eat everyone's souls and rape them forever.}}

[[Image:Slaanesh_by_baklaher-d7dvohn.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Slaanesh... tempting you to join a [[rape|party in which you will never forget...]] [[Rule 34|also now in even more NSFW!]]]]

'''''PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! - The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in'''''

{{Topquote|Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.|Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show}}

{{Topquote|To be loved, feelings must be rationed. To love, the doors of hysteria, fantasy, and madness may be flung open.|Anton LaVey}}

{{Topquote|An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom.|Charles Baudelaire}}

{{Topquote|Everything is good when it is excessive.|Donatien-Alphonse-François, AKA Marquis de Sade}}

{{Topquote|Blood does more than turn me on, it makes me cum. And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it. The taste of hot, freshly killed blood... Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth are my politics! Filth is my life! Take whatever you like.|Divine, Pink Flamingoes}}

{{Topquote|OO! KINKY!|Anyone who ever set eyes on a daemon of slaanesh}}

==Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition==
[[Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|thumb|500px|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated.] Wait, one whip is held in the hand and the other is held in the...]]
Behold '''Slaanesh''', also known as '''Shaarnor (to [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Elves and some humans]]), Shornaal (to [[Warriors of Chaos|humans and some Elves]]), The Dark Prince, the Lord of Excess, Leviathan, Lord of the Labyrinth, The Sweet Transvestite, The Lusty Argonian Maid, the Colossal Pervert''', '''the Ultimate Trap''', '''Never Went to Rehab''', '''Slut4Evar''', '''the one who ruins everything,''' '''the new thing,''' and multiple other names. Slaanesh is the [[Chaos God]] of [[/d/|perversion, Hentai]], [[Extra Heresy|shamelessness]], [[Furry|excess]], [[Rebecca Black|the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever]]. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting [[heresy]] of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and their [[daemonette]]s.

Slaanesh was 'born' (in this case semi literally, from aspects other chaos gods had.) at the fall of the [[Eldar]], when all their torture, [[rape]], S&M, bondage, decadence, eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the [[Eye of Terror]], killing the majority of their race. Thus, the final chaos god is known as the one that was literally murderfucked into existence. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he or she becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding Exodites, whose soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit and Harlequins, who are scooped up by the [[Cegorach|great clown]] himself, and the faithful of Ynnead). This is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into [[Exterminatus|exterminating]] each other just to save one of their own. The [[Dark Eldar]] take this up to eleven; because they do not use spirit stones nor are they protected like the Harlequins, Slaanesh is constantly sanding their souls down around the edges. In order to circumvent this they resort to huffing the souls of those in agony or those who have recently died. This distracts it for a while due to it having the attention span of a goldfish. (however this isn't ''just'' for survival; the Dark Eldar revel in sadism for its own sake too, this unknowingly gives her more power in a vicious cycle of murderfucking).
Of course, the descriptions above apply primarily to Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and <s>rock n' roll</s> It stole that from Khorne. Slaanesh is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic about whipping heretics.It is for this reason ironically enough that she is hated by every single entity in the warp, Yes even Nurgle. More on that below.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While [[fluff]] claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure. Lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, extreme sadism, Preverse sexual lust, And the like. are the pleasures their followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of insatiable concubines to fulfill your every desire? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain? Numerous examples of 40k lore have made it apparent that while those who fall to Slaanesh might start off with a desire to fulfill their rather run-of-the-mill baser instincts, it always spirals out of control. For example, in the novel ''Shadowsword'', a young nobleman makes a deal with a devilish creature so that he can possess and sleep with his lady love, who is also his first cousin. By the time all is said and done, a grand party to welcome the forces of Chaos to their world turns into a charnel scene where the guests ''imagine'' themselves to be dancing and enjoying fine food and drink, but in reality they are tearing each other apart with their bare hands and engaging in cannibalism; others believe that they are embracing when their bodies and flesh are literally melding together. These are the types of scenes that truly grant Slaanesh power.

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh was the lord of all ''pleasure'' then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because, in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron acts in order to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). However, the point of Slaanesh is not to revel in ''any'' pain or pleasure, but to gain power from exposing mortals to the types of experiences that a sane person ''could not'' and ''would not'' ever be able to imagine in the first place. For all but the very strongest and most devout, this pollutes and twists their very souls to such an extent that they remain in thrall to Slaanesh forever. Such horizons of experience and sensation are far, far beyond the predictable inclinations and fetishes of your typical 4chan fa/tg/uy.

Even [[Khorne]], Slaanesh's primary rival, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in [[Just as Planned]]. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slaanesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the [[fluff]], it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Slaanesh being usually named the "God of Excess" it's more that they gain power from OVER-indulging in the small things like sex and eating, which in 40k is actually more rare than people would think. Considering that it's damn hard for anyone to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before a grueling 48 hours of avoiding death in the name of the Emprah in the far corner of some forgotten forge-world, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh on your average imperial world, is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil, bastard. (''It is worth noting that GW seems to have picked up somewhat on this fact. As of the latest daemon codex it does mention that Slaanesh has a particular way of influencing the other chaos gods and that they are all weary of them given that they draw some strength from the extreme behaviours they promote in their followers and are subject to themselves.'')

Slaanesh is also associated with the arts and creativity, as creativity means pursuing one's own personal desires. Self-indulgence and personal expression are the bedrock of the arts, after all. Those attracted to Slaanesh could theoretically be more than just aristocratic ravers, but also particularly eccentric artists, writers, etc. Slaanesh is Sex, Drugs, and Pop music in the purest sense of the word; not just the orgy after the concert, but the brilliant concert that caused the orgy to begin with. One could assume that, in order to prevent Slaanesh's influence from spreading, the Imperium of Man would censor not just content but style. A radically structured poem, a painting with hints of sexual content, even a deviation from traditional chord structures would presumably bring the Inquisition to your doorstep.

That Being said. It is still Despised By all of the other entities of the warp. For various reasons, some stupid, some incredibly Valid. The most important one however is that not a single being in the galaxy can exhibit mastery over there gods chosen dominion because it Gains power from this rather than their chosen chaos God. it was born lucky this way, And for that reason (among others)it is the envy of many.

If Slaanesh had a voice actor, it would be [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc80tFJpTuo Tim Curry] and/or Tilda Swinton.

==What? Warhammer?==
[[File:Slaanesh Old.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The first depiction of Slaanesh in Warhammer art.]]
In the new [[Age of Sigmar]] setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the [[Horned Rat]]. Derp. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIMg2Xw4_8s While it was thought Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul], this is revealed to be mostly true. There was speculation that Slaanesh has been removed as an active part of Age of Sigmar in some attempt by [[Games Workshop]] to make the game more accessible to children. [[Derp|Somehow, they failed to take into account that an incredibly grimdark game with very complicated rules and such a high price of entry isn't going to be popular among kiddies anyways]]. They may be doing this so parents won't be put off by the game and be willing to buy it for their children and to get past the media watchdogs to make the game more mainstream; but that most likely won't work [[Games Workshop|due to reasons discussed on GW's page here]].
[[File:AoSBeholdSlaanesh.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Slaanesh imprisoned: Unable to decide which dildo to use first, Slaanesh is effectively neutralized! Ingenious! (Also, to answer the question you never asked, Slaanesh is not circumcised. Seriously, take a close look at where those chains pierce)]]

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. With Slaanesh missing, his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh (the refer to themselves as Seekers), those who are trying to claim their former master's position (they are referred to as Pretenders and consists of every Chaos Lord and Keeper of Secrets that wants to claim their former masters position as the new god of depravity) and those who have continued to be allied to Archaon in his wars against the Mortal Realms (who are referred to as Invaders). This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order; it is mostly being led by Slaanesh's greater daemons who lead Slaanesh's demonic and mortal followers but some have actually looked to venerating Archaon as their replacement deity.

With the release of the Daughter of Khaine battletome it's revealed that Slaanesh have been trapped in the void space between Ulgu (Realm of Shadows) and Hysh (Realm of Light) by the collective work of [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]], now gods of the Hysh, [[Malekith|Malerion]], god of Shadow, and [[Morathi]]. There the elf gods are slowly taking back the elf souls the Chaos god had devoured after the End Times, reforging them to their liking, while Slaanesh is trapped in a position that will make it impossible for him to escape. That is, unless Morathi cast a spell to get more souls than it was initially planned for her to receive, a spell that would weaken the chains that are keeping Slaanesh trapped, which of course she did. Now Slaanesh is ever so slowly getting further from Hysh and closer to Ulgu, which enabled Slaanesh's followers to learn where he was. The only things standing in their way are the fact that they can't reach Slaanesh's prison, the elf gods and their forces. Even then, Slaanesh might eventually be able to free itself.

With the announcement of Realm of Chaos: Wrath and Rapture, it appears GW is ready to bring Slaanesh back to the 40k and AoS universes, along with a (daemonic) host of new models. And this did come to pass... Though it isn't as grand as many would have hoped. It has been revealed that the 66 chains holding Slaanesh (real subtle, GW) can be broken by certain depraved or powerful acts, ie, an excess of anger from Khorne, or a Stormhost turning on the people they protect (which did happen and was engineered by Slaanesh taking a leaf from Tzeentch's book). Having broken a handful of the chains Slaanesh cast illusions to prevent the elves from discovering this, and if the majority of chains get shattered Slaanesh will be strong enough to break the rest. If Slaanesh ever did escape, he would immediately try and engulf all of Ulgu and Hysh, securing two whole realms and thereby winning the great game though Khorne would object violently, as would Archaon. However, Archaon still needed Slaanesh and was actively tracking down the trapped god. Archaon eventually succeeded at finding Slaanesh and started working to free him, though Slannesh's sass vexed Archaon. It would've worked eventually, but Archaon had a vision of the Nighthaunt and Bonereapers taking the Shyish realmgate and attacking the Varanspire. Though Archaon was pissed, since he knew the aelf gods would move Slaanesh's prison and tighten security after this, he abandoned Slaanesh and went back to the Allpoints.

== Followers ==
[[File:Slaanesh Banners.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Slaaneshi banners.]]
Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become [[Chris-Chan|colossal perverts]]; alternatively, she may attract followers from those who are already [[Ultramarines|colossal perverts]], and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. [[Just as planned]].

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and give them everything they could ever want because she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of his hatred for it. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the ''best'', gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, [[/v/|that perfect 360 noscope,]] to [[powergamer|hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be]], or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi...even if they don’t want to be. If the thrill lies in just killing people-- the pure joy of murder-- and the skill is just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing, even pain. See the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. [[Troll|They also get off on the reactions they get from others]]- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men. These are things that Khorne can’t stand, because No one truly deserves the punishments that the followers hand out to their victims, Khorne has standards. it takes them throws them out the window follows them out the window and murderfucks them With its arms pumping wildly. Everything that Khorne preaches Slannesh ruins.

When things come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being a silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here the difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, usually through charismatic speeches and the like, while Tzeenchians often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in a process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions, for which they'd use the exchange of favors, blackmail, and other such forms of social politicking. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more [[Heresy|literal]] in Slaanesh's case. However tzeentch Has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming, slaanesh still wins, And it didn’t do anything have that bonus. It was just born lucky. So tzeentch hates it too.

Apart from [[AIDS|the obvious]], Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction. There was the matter of the [[Isha|qt Eldar waifu]] Slaanesh wanted to keep for [[/d/|some]] [[rape|after-party]] [[FATAL|entertainment]], but since Nurgle is a fa/tg/uy at heart he couldn't resist claiming the elf waifu for himself. <s>But they're mostly over that</s> Slaanesh is over it, nurgle is not. Otherwise, their domains are just too different that they don't overlap all that much. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration. That being said nurgle is still not fond of it. Mainly Due to the aforementioned due to the aforementioned qt eldar waifu, slaanesh’s tendency to cause species to overprocreate, and because he hates hermaphrodites...They are the one thing he cannot stand.

[[File:Slaaneshi Forces.JPG|thumb|right|500px|Slaaneshi forces in their realm.]]

Slaanesh units are:
* '''[[Daemonettes]]''', hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use [[Raging Heroes|proxies]] randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as she contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
* '''[[Seekers of Slaanesh]]''', Daemonettes mounted upon [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor [[dinosaur]]; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
* '''[[Fiends of Slaanesh]]''', large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
* '''[[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky [[tarpit]] removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least [[Distraction Carnifex|target mitigation]] to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded [[Tau|fire warriors]] or some [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Spearmen]] can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
* '''[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally [[/d/|dripping]] with excitement at being in battle.
* '''[[Warriors of Chaos]]''', not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the [[Warp Gates]] they are, the more like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
* '''[[Beastmen]]''', the rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
* '''[[Keepers Of Secrets]]''', Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, each is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless lead by a...
* '''[[Daemon Prince]]''', a human (with [[Dechala|one Elf]] as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in her service.

=== 40k ===
* '''[[Chaos Space Marines]]''', the traitor marines of the [[Emperor's Children|third legion]] worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
** '''[[Noise Marines]]''', the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's [[Berserkers]], Nurgle's [[Plague Marines]] or Tzeentch's [[Thousand Sons]]. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using [[Sonic Weaponry]] because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berghain Can be found IRL also.]

=== Fantasy ===
* '''[[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Druchii]]''', the Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Cult Of Pleasure]]. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen [[Morathi]] being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her [[Malekith|son]] and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of [[Khaine]], Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept [[Harpies|her own]] as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of [[Atharti]], [[Hekarti]], and [[Ereth Khial]], three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave who's skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.

==Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k==
With the release of "Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider" we now have daemons of Slaanesh making an appearance during the [[War in Heaven]]? Now this could be just a case of timey wimey Warp shenanigans but it could also be an indication of something else! What if Slaanesh's "birth" was actually more akin to a rebirth of something far older; the original sin if you were.

It is known that even before the Fall agents of Slaanesh were already at large in the galaxy and actively seeking to bring it into being. If Slaanesh did indeed have a presence all the way back in the War in Heaven then perhaps it has always been there, seeking a way to return, as opposed to beginning to gestate within the Empyrean during the conflict itself.

Slaanesh isn't all about sex, [[Drug|drugs]] and more sex, but actually fits all of the seven deadly sins rather well: [[/d/|Lust]], [[RAGE|Wrath]], [[Blood Ravens|Greed]], [[Perturabo|Envy]], [[Giles|Gluttony]], [[Lazy Marines|Sloth]] and [[Cato Sicarius|Pride]] all fall under Slaanesh's domain; each of which play key roles in the other God's spheres of influence also. Of course these are taken to their extremes, as is Slaanesh's trade mark, but even the other Chaos Gods are extremes in their own way, and though they are all placed above the Dark Prince in terms of power they all may "fear" the influence that Slaanesh has the potential to hold over them and are very wary that the Dark Prince may eventually eclipse them all in power.

The War in Heaven is essentially the event(s) that created "Hell" in 40k as many races with a presence in the warp fought and died in the conflict, so it makes sense that there must have been an "original Satan"-like figure as well. Of course, this could be looking too much into this and talking out of our collective arse, but what with Slaanesh in [[Age of Sigmar]] no longer being counted amongst the Four, it opens up a lot of possibilities for when the Dark Prince does eventually return.

==The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh==

(AKA [[Kaldor Draigo]] becomes a sleeper agent. Probably. Other things are possible, but this would slap down the Mary Sue, so really, why argue?)

While the other Chaos Gods rarely welcome intruders to their lands within the immaterium, Slaanesh loves to tempt visitors to his unnatural domain, and those that dare enter the Lord of Pleasure's territory risk becoming trapped in its warped delights for eternity.

Slaanesh's realm is divided into six domains, arranged in concentric rings about the Palace of Pleasure. Each of these is a celebration of Slaanesh's desires, and while they might be mistaken for paradises, nothing in the lands of the Dark Prince is as it seems. An intruder can only reach the Palace of Pleasure, in the very heart of Slaanesh's territory, by passing through all six of the circles-an act of will beyond most souls, both mortal and demonic. One amongst the mortal visitors to his realm still looms large in the memory of Slaanesh, however-a wandering knight of the Adeptus Astartes whose resolve was as strong as silvered adamantium.

The first circle the knight pushed through was richly appointed beyond the dreams of kings. Mountains of stacked gold reached towards rainbow mosaics of gemstones in the marble vaults high above, glittering ingots and diamonds beyond count littered the ground. The knight marched past plenty a starving wretch attempting to count the innumerable gold coins. Their sallow faces twisted with mounting greed until their piles toppled, and, weeping, they had to start over again. At every corner of the crossroads stood gilded statues, some of beautiful Slaanesh, others of Daemons and mortals trapped in blissful ecstasy. The trails in the diamond dust underfoot betrayed the fact that the statues were once flesh and blood. The knight had left notions of material wealth long behind, and he strode on without touching a single coin.

Crunching his way across a beach of golden teeth, the knight came to the shores of a vast lake of dark wine. The lake was dotted with pallid islands formed from the backs of giants, each linked by criss-crossing bridges. The backward hands of each giant held up a table that groaned under the weight of a lavish feast. There, he saw mortal men gorging themselves on the banquet, wide-eyed and desperate in their hunger as others frantically tried to gulp down the lake itself. The bloated and the obese moaned in pain as they crammed ever more food into their wine stained mouths. The knight pressed on, distaste twisting his features as he passed the grisly remains of those who had consumed so much that they had physically burst apart.

The wanderer made his way through fields of golden light and soft hay, where lissom maidens and beautiful youths frolicked near-naked in the hallucinogenic musk of the lithe beasts that cavorted with them. The faces and fertile forms of the dancers were impossibly sensual, moulded to the perfect desire of the heart. The knight held his breath and closed his eyes, for though mortal pleasures were forbidden to his order, part of him was still a man. The crooning nymphs gathered around the knight, stroking his silvered armour and whispering of the sweet, carnal pleasures they would give him, but he yielded not. The severed limbs and heads that lay underfoot spoke of the truth behind the honeyed lies. Eyes shut, he cut down the daemonette seductresses around him one after another, letting revulsion guide his shining blade.

After fighting his way through the feminine contours of the foothills ahead, the knight emerged onto a balcony where he was greeted by roars of adulation and approval. An army of Space Marines so vast its number was beyond counting awaited before him on an endless plain, listening in fevered anticipation of his commands for conquest. Planetary governors nodded in obsequious anticipation, and the High Lords of Terra smiled up at him from smaller balconies of their own, motioning him to speak. The knight recognised one of the rulers from his own mortal life, and stood before him, looking deep into the Philosopher-King's eyes. Behind the mask of power and self-assurance, he saw eternal, nagging paranoia, gnawing suspicion and hidden doubts that were acid to the soul. The knight shook his head sadly and walked away.

Wearied by his ordeals, the wanderer strode on through a mesmerising woodland paradise, its maze of pathways thick with flowers and heavy with thorns. The gentle, fragrant breeze whispered to the knight of past glories, reminding him of the executions he had performed in the Emperor's name. Mirrored pools reflected the knight as a shining saint, his face serene but his sword bloodied as he artfully carved apart rank after rank of red-skinned Daemons. The warrior turned away, troubled. In the distance, he could make out tortured figures staring intently into mirror pools of their own, each held immobile by the undergrowth as whispering thorns insinuated themselves into their flesh. The wanderer turned his mind to the humility of the cell he once called home. As he did so, the path through the maze writhed and straightened out before him. So the knight trudged on.

An endless beach stretched away from the knight, and heavenly choirs sung soothing lullabies as the perfumed sea lapped at the fortress walls of his mind. The wanderer's bones cried out for rest, even if only for a moment. The warmth of the golden sun above calmed his soul, and the tide began to erode his will. His tired eyes could barely stay open. But his vision was still clear enough to see the horrible truth. The bone-white sand was made from the remains of those who had rested here and fallen into a coma of blissful indolence. His resolve hardened, the knight strode on toward the shimmering palace in the distance.

It was there, beneath the elegant spires, that the wanderer came before almighty Slaanesh. Statuesque and divinely glamorous, the deity visited him in the form of a young man possessed of an androgynous beauty-clean limbed and fresh with the vigour of youth. The knight unsheathed his rune-etched sword and made to strike him down. To his horror, he found that he could not, for the god-prince was disarming in his innocence and utterly beguiling in his manner.

Even the purest flame can be extinguished by the tide. In that single moment of doubt, the wanderer was lost. He knelt, bowing his head at last, and a single touch of the being's glowing sceptre on each shoulder sealed his fate for eternity.

== Facts ==
[[File:Nope.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?]]
* [[Ynnead]] is secretly Slaanesh
*[[Sanguinius]] is jealous of Slaanesh because they are the only one more fabulous than hi-{{BLAM}}
* Slaanesh wants to fuck the Emperor, but every time they try, the Big E psychically bitch-slaps them, destroys all their sex toys and sex slaves and breaks their hands so they can't fap for a while.
* Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
** Slaanesh is dyslexic.
***Slaanesh also knows that you can't spell dyslexic without sex
* The title of Slaanesh's greatest mortal champion is owned by Shädman''(ayyyyy)''
* Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how their only representation in the DoW series was the [[Emperor's Children]] paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, their did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones. (And their colours aren't even correct.)
**However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still <s>pissed off of not getting enough representation</s> OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while they only get a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
* Charlie Sheen is their first true Daemon Prince (though he was recently diagnosed with HIV which resulted from his sexcapades, so looks like he could swing towards [[Nurgle]]. But just like [[Fulgrim]] his body probably needs to be destroyed first before he can ascend). It was nearly Malcolm Mcdowell, on account of Mcdowell's filmography including two of Slaanesh's favorite films (see below) and Mcdowell's hedonistic younger years; before Charlie had even reached puberty, Mcdowell was already far into sex and drugs both in his films and real-life. But as he got older, Mcdowell turned away from hedonism and cleaned himself up. Other contenders include Gene Simmons and Tila Tequila.
* Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
* If it exists, [[PROMOTIONS|Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it]].
* Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne to get his daily dose of lulz. Slaanesh always loses these fights pretty badly; and each time, Slaanesh takes it pretty hard. [[C.S.Goto|And this pleases them.]]
* Slaanesh is secretly depressed that have no friends. Khorne is a dick, and Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is. Nurgle is nice, but Slaanesh can't get over the fact that he cucked them. ("Can't get over it" in both a [[PROMOTIONS|positive]] and [[RAGE|negative]] sense.)
** Also, Nurgle has ''all'' the STDs, which would make him Slaanesh's natural enemy out in the wild. Isha's immunity to all diseases is better than any protection, which is a pretty substantial reason why Slaanesh liked her.
* Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where they being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods.
* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string them along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
* Khorne [[Rip and Tear|regularly tears off Slaanesh's arms]] and beats them over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
* Slaanesh was doping when they killed the Eldar Gods, they couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs. (at least that what Khaine, a god of war and destruction, keeps insisting when ever someone asks him why he got both figuratively and possibly literally raped by a god(ess) of sex drugs and rock'n'roll)
** Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
* Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, they got their left boob cut off for their trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six). Given the new backstory and their time of birth, this means that Slaanesh lost against a Necron Pokémon.
* Slaanesh is a great patron of the arts. Their favourite films include:
** Hellraiser: Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, they took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... <strike>That is, of course, a lie. They actually ripped off Hellraiser.</strike> Hellraiser ripped them off. Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
** A Serbian Film: Slaanesh's second favorite movie. They already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
** Pink Flamingos: Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's journal. Slaanesh especially enjoyed the depictions of their hobbies (including bestiality, scat fetishes and vore), that the movie quotes them directly (see Divine's quote above).
** A Clockwork Orange: One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. (Although Slaanesh faps/shlicks to commentaries on morality too.) They like to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. They also find the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. '''BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!!''' Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!].
** The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
** Legend: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3J91bPrW9A Also because of Tim Curry, who practically plays a daemon prince of Slaanesh].
** Caligula: The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm Mcdowell as the title character. Slaanesh's favorite scenes are when Caligula engages in an incestuous threesome with his sister and his fiance, and the giant orgies on stage (don't watch the latter if you have a weak stomach - there's a real snake in one scene and [[FATAL|you don't want to know what the woman does with it]]).
** Eyes Wide Shut. Slaanesh has heard the film described as "Just Artsy Porn", but doesn't get the criticism. It's Art and it's Porn. What's not to love?
** Event Horizon: A documentary of how he/she/it is directly responsible for fucking up humanity's first venture into the Warp.
** High Rise: Some say it holds the essence of the one time Slaaneshi and Khaine got jiggy with it.
** Salo or 120 days of Sodom: Slaanesh liked it better when they thought it was real and not just special effects.
** The Stuff: A movie about the time some railroad workers found lakes of Slaanesh's jizz at a quarry and marketed it as dessert food due to its properties, leading to numerous shenanigans and giving Slaanesh much lulz that they never learned where it came from.
* Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
* Slaanesh's favorite band is GWAR, because everything with them is sex, drugs, and rock and roll in excess, even covering their audience in jizz, blood, random chemicals, and mixtures of all three, and inciting massive blood orgies constantly.
* Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams is also suspected to be one of the early influences of Slaanesh in human music culture, the singer suspected to be one of his/her/its avatars.
* Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, as well as all the dick, cloca, ovipositor, stamen, pistil, and pilus.
* Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
* Slaanesh found Captain Flashheart so magnificent in Blackadder that they created a daemon prince in his image. Woof woof!
* Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really [[cheese|cheesy]] ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
*Slaanesh is the only entity in existence who listens to the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast purely for erotic purposes. He/she/it cannot understand for the life of him/her/it why no one else finds cervix-grabbing sexy.
** Still, ]they fap/shlick/???-PROFIT at this.
*Mentioning the names of Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn gives Slaanesh a massive boner/lady-boner. Though Slaanesh didn't have a hand in inventing the internet, three guesses why Slaanesh loves the internet, and the first two don't count. Mentioning Hugh Hefner also has a similar effect.
* As a patron of the arts, Slaanesh has many favorite authors, so can't pick one. Having said that, Marquis de Sade is a strong contender.
* Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
** Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
**Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
** Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
**Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
*Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience.
*Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking. '''{{Blam|DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!}}'''
**Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.]]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|If you masturbate with barbed wire, a daemon of slaanesh will be summoned, and you will be exterminatus-ed]]
* Slaanesh secretly wants Khorne. S/he's upset that the 'Special K' hates her/him/it.
**However, if Slaanesh ever did create a copy of him/her/their/itself, then the two would immediately try to murderfuck each other, in a kinky simulacrum of Highlander. This would apply to all of the main ruinous powers, <s>apart from</s> including Nurgle, <s>who would simply hug his</s> whose female double <s>and then get to work with said double on a particularly virulent strain of super aids/crotch rot.</s> would get jealous of Isha and conspire with Slaanesh to get rid of that home-wrecking skank.
*Slaanesh is the patron <s>god</s> <s>goddess</s> deity of bonobos (look them up).
*Slaanesh's ''only'' criticism of the Cats movie is that there are no visible genitals.
* Slaanesh #fuckedPalpatine.

== Gallery ==
{{heresy}}
{{promotions}}
{{/d/}}
<gallery>
Image:Slaaneshfaggot.jpeg|A real-life worshipper of Slaanesh.
Image:Slaaneshi.JPG|Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|That's a real [[commissar]], just look at the [[hat]].
Image:Daemonette02.JPG|DDaemonette
Image:Daemonette01.JPG|It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

Image:Daemonette.JPG
Image:Slaaneshi2.JPG|Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Image:Daemonxmas copy.jpg|Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Image:Lurvemudkipz.JPG|Evidence that it is possible that some [[pokémon]] are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

Image:Slaaneshi mudkips.JPG|Oh god. ;_;
Image:Slaanesh trainer.jpg|There is no excuse or explanation for this.
Image:Slaaneshijack copy.jpg|This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Image:Irresistible.jpg|Simply Irresistible

Image:Dranon5.jpg|Mr Culexus' interpretation of Slaanesh. Notice the massive bulge in the crotch that's bigger than it's boobs.
Image:Not_too_abysmal_by_Mr_Culexus.jpg|Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
Image:1271157389405.jpg|What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Image:daemonette_minerva.png|Who else did you think furries worshiped?

Image:Slaanesh_LAWL.jpg|LAWL
Image:Trapmarine.jpg|Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
Image:Trapmarine_BW.jpg|... which may not be so "little".
Image:Daemonette_with_seeker_mount.jpg|She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me. Although for your sake you really should take my word for it.

Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|The more common and usual fate of Eldar.
Image:Slaanesh cosplay 1 by zk87-d2zo47q.jpg|Now 262.71% more real!
Image:Slaanesh Time.jpg|You might be mixing up love and lust.
Image:Slaanesh_miniature_closeup.jpg|Gimme some sugar

Image:Slaanesh+hr giger.jpg|H. R. Geiger is pleased
Image:Slaanesh by zk87-d2z4bpv.jpg|Lashes of Torment!
Image:Slaanesh-153102-SweetAngel.jpg|She Who Thirsts indeed
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated]

Image:Dark_Prince_of_Pleasure_Slaanesh_wfrp.jpg|From the old [[WFRP]] days
Image:MoeSlaanesh.png|How can anyone not want to serve something so utterly <s>adorable</s> heretical?
Image:1419021850273.jpg|Yes, that is a Santa outfit.
Image:Anons_fall_to_Chaos.png|Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
Image:Champion of Slaanesh RL.png| We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
Image:HereticalUseOfChainswords.gif| When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
Image:Cultist-chan24.jpg|Slaanesh has improved cultist chan
Image:Wildslaanesh.png|Slaanesh Demon corrupts children
Image:Slaanesh-sorcerer.jpeg|Slaanesh makes the Cenobites from Hellraiser look good.
</gallery>

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

==See Also==
*[[Azazel]] - The oldest existing [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[Dechala]] - The oldest existing Chaos Champion special character of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[The Masque]] - Slaanesh's former fav fab Daemonette stripper, and current PR rep.
*[[Sigvald]], Slaanesh's favorite not-Caligula/not-Joffrey.
*The [[Emperor's Children]] legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
*[[Fulgrim]] - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks ever.
*[[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bile]] - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played by geriatric [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane_%28wrestler%29 Glenn Jacobs] instead of young Tim Curry.
*[[Lucius]] - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
*[[Doomrider]] - He does COCAINE!
*[[Miriael Sabathiel]] - The most infamous [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] to fall to Slaanesh. Commonly mistaken as the ''only'' Chaos Sister of Battle by people who haven't read [[Ephrael Stern|Daemonifuge]]. Last seen hunting Eldar to give them [[Rape|hugs]].
*[[Codex - Fallen Sororitas]] - An entire homebrew army of Slaaneshi Sisters of Battle.
*[[Daemonette]] - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
*[[Reasonable Daemonette]] - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
*[[Loli D]] - The [[loli]] variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is [[Extra Heresy|extra heretical]]. E-Commissars can and will [[Exterminatus|blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice]] if you click on this link.
*[http://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Slaanesh's_sacrifice.pdf Slaanesh's Sacrifice] - Some Slaaneshi writefaggotry for the more heretical among you.
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRPIsrxUc_E Rick and Morty's visit to the Realm of Slaanesh]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-gHgcmFB6Q Slaanesh's visit to the Realm of Rick and Morty]
*[https://pastebin.com/5QZMB7nH Excessively Vanilla] - AKA the '''one''' time Slaanesh goes full-on vanilla, including actual marriage, handholding, and under the cover missionary sex for the sole purpose of procreation
{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category:Hedonites of Slaanesh]]

Slaanesh

2020-07-21T20:29:19Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD: /* Facts */

[[File:Slaanesh_mark.png|center]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
{{Promotions}}
{{/d/}}
{{sick|The hermaphrodite goddess of rape who wants to eat everyone's souls and rape them forever.}}

[[Image:Slaanesh_by_baklaher-d7dvohn.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Slaanesh... tempting you to join a [[rape|party in which you will never forget...]] [[Rule 34|also now in even more NSFW!]]]]

'''''PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! - The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in'''''

{{Topquote|Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.|Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show}}

{{Topquote|To be loved, feelings must be rationed. To love, the doors of hysteria, fantasy, and madness may be flung open.|Anton LaVey}}

{{Topquote|An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom.|Charles Baudelaire}}

{{Topquote|Everything is good when it is excessive.|Donatien-Alphonse-François, AKA Marquis de Sade}}

{{Topquote|Blood does more than turn me on, it makes me cum. And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it. The taste of hot, freshly killed blood... Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth are my politics! Filth is my life! Take whatever you like.|Divine, Pink Flamingoes}}

{{Topquote|OO! KINKY!|Anyone who ever set eyes on a daemon of slaanesh}}

==Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition==
[[Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|thumb|500px|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated.] Wait, one whip is held in the hand and the other is held in the...]]
Behold '''Slaanesh''', also known as '''Shaarnor (to [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Elves and some humans]]), Shornaal (to [[Warriors of Chaos|humans and some Elves]]), The Dark Prince, the Lord of Excess, Leviathan, Lord of the Labyrinth, The Sweet Transvestite, The Lusty Argonian Maid, the Colossal Pervert''', '''the Ultimate Trap''', '''Never Went to Rehab''', '''Slut4Evar''', '''the one who ruins everything,''' '''the new thing,''' and multiple other names. Slaanesh is the [[Chaos God]] of [[/d/|perversion, Hentai]], [[Extra Heresy|shamelessness]], [[Furry|excess]], [[Rebecca Black|the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever]]. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting [[heresy]] of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and their [[daemonette]]s.

Slaanesh was 'born' (in this case semi literally, from aspects other chaos gods had.) at the fall of the [[Eldar]], when all their torture, [[rape]], S&M, bondage, decadence, eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the [[Eye of Terror]], killing the majority of their race. Thus, the final chaos god is known as the one that was literally murderfucked into existence. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he or she becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding Exodites, whose soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit and Harlequins, who are scooped up by the [[Cegorach|great clown]] himself, and the faithful of Ynnead). This is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into [[Exterminatus|exterminating]] each other just to save one of their own. The [[Dark Eldar]] take this up to eleven; because they do not use spirit stones nor are they protected like the Harlequins, Slaanesh is constantly sanding their souls down around the edges. In order to circumvent this they resort to huffing the souls of those in agony or those who have recently died. This distracts it for a while due to it having the attention span of a goldfish. (however this isn't ''just'' for survival; the Dark Eldar revel in sadism for its own sake too, this unknowingly gives her more power in a vicious cycle of murderfucking).
Of course, the descriptions above apply primarily to Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and <s>rock n' roll</s> It stole that from Khorne. Slaanesh is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic about whipping heretics.It is for this reason ironically enough that she is hated by every single entity in the warp, Yes even Nurgle. More on that below.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While [[fluff]] claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure. Lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, extreme sadism, Preverse sexual lust, And the like. are the pleasures their followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of insatiable concubines to fulfill your every desire? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain? Numerous examples of 40k lore have made it apparent that while those who fall to Slaanesh might start off with a desire to fulfill their rather run-of-the-mill baser instincts, it always spirals out of control. For example, in the novel ''Shadowsword'', a young nobleman makes a deal with a devilish creature so that he can possess and sleep with his lady love, who is also his first cousin. By the time all is said and done, a grand party to welcome the forces of Chaos to their world turns into a charnel scene where the guests ''imagine'' themselves to be dancing and enjoying fine food and drink, but in reality they are tearing each other apart with their bare hands and engaging in cannibalism; others believe that they are embracing when their bodies and flesh are literally melding together. These are the types of scenes that truly grant Slaanesh power.

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh was the lord of all ''pleasure'' then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because, in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron acts in order to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). However, the point of Slaanesh is not to revel in ''any'' pain or pleasure, but to gain power from exposing mortals to the types of experiences that a sane person ''could not'' and ''would not'' ever be able to imagine in the first place. For all but the very strongest and most devout, this pollutes and twists their very souls to such an extent that they remain in thrall to Slaanesh forever. Such horizons of experience and sensation are far, far beyond the predictable inclinations and fetishes of your typical 4chan fa/tg/uy.

Even [[Khorne]], Slaanesh's primary rival, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in [[Just as Planned]]. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slaanesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the [[fluff]], it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Slaanesh being usually named the "God of Excess" it's more that they gain power from OVER-indulging in the small things like sex and eating, which in 40k is actually more rare than people would think. Considering that it's damn hard for anyone to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before a grueling 48 hours of avoiding death in the name of the Emprah in the far corner of some forgotten forge-world, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh on your average imperial world, is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil, bastard. (''It is worth noting that GW seems to have picked up somewhat on this fact. As of the latest daemon codex it does mention that Slaanesh has a particular way of influencing the other chaos gods and that they are all weary of them given that they draw some strength from the extreme behaviours they promote in their followers and are subject to themselves.'')

Slaanesh is also associated with the arts and creativity, as creativity means pursuing one's own personal desires. Self-indulgence and personal expression are the bedrock of the arts, after all. Those attracted to Slaanesh could theoretically be more than just aristocratic ravers, but also particularly eccentric artists, writers, etc. Slaanesh is Sex, Drugs, and Pop music in the purest sense of the word; not just the orgy after the concert, but the brilliant concert that caused the orgy to begin with. One could assume that, in order to prevent Slaanesh's influence from spreading, the Imperium of Man would censor not just content but style. A radically structured poem, a painting with hints of sexual content, even a deviation from traditional chord structures would presumably bring the Inquisition to your doorstep.

That Being said. It is still Despised By all of the other entities of the warp. For various reasons, some stupid, some incredibly Valid. The most important one however is that not a single being in the galaxy can exhibit mastery over there gods chosen dominion because it Gains power from this rather than their chosen chaos God. it was born lucky this way, And for that reason (among others)it is the envy of many.

If Slaanesh had a voice actor, it would be [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc80tFJpTuo Tim Curry] and/or Tilda Swinton.

==What? Warhammer?==
[[File:Slaanesh Old.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The first depiction of Slaanesh in Warhammer art.]]
In the new [[Age of Sigmar]] setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the [[Horned Rat]]. Derp. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIMg2Xw4_8s While it was thought Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul], this is revealed to be mostly true. There was speculation that Slaanesh has been removed as an active part of Age of Sigmar in some attempt by [[Games Workshop]] to make the game more accessible to children. [[Derp|Somehow, they failed to take into account that an incredibly grimdark game with very complicated rules and such a high price of entry isn't going to be popular among kiddies anyways]]. They may be doing this so parents won't be put off by the game and be willing to buy it for their children and to get past the media watchdogs to make the game more mainstream; but that most likely won't work [[Games Workshop|due to reasons discussed on GW's page here]].
[[File:AoSBeholdSlaanesh.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Slaanesh imprisoned: Unable to decide which dildo to use first, Slaanesh is effectively neutralized! Ingenious! (Also, to answer the question you never asked, Slaanesh is not circumcised. Seriously, take a close look at where those chains pierce)]]

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. With Slaanesh missing, his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh (the refer to themselves as Seekers), those who are trying to claim their former master's position (they are referred to as Pretenders and consists of every Chaos Lord and Keeper of Secrets that wants to claim their former masters position as the new god of depravity) and those who have continued to be allied to Archaon in his wars against the Mortal Realms (who are referred to as Invaders). This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order; it is mostly being led by Slaanesh's greater daemons who lead Slaanesh's demonic and mortal followers but some have actually looked to venerating Archaon as their replacement deity.

With the release of the Daughter of Khaine battletome it's revealed that Slaanesh have been trapped in the void space between Ulgu (Realm of Shadows) and Hysh (Realm of Light) by the collective work of [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]], now gods of the Hysh, [[Malekith|Malerion]], god of Shadow, and [[Morathi]]. There the elf gods are slowly taking back the elf souls the Chaos god had devoured after the End Times, reforging them to their liking, while Slaanesh is trapped in a position that will make it impossible for him to escape. That is, unless Morathi cast a spell to get more souls than it was initially planned for her to receive, a spell that would weaken the chains that are keeping Slaanesh trapped, which of course she did. Now Slaanesh is ever so slowly getting further from Hysh and closer to Ulgu, which enabled Slaanesh's followers to learn where he was. The only things standing in their way are the fact that they can't reach Slaanesh's prison, the elf gods and their forces. Even then, Slaanesh might eventually be able to free itself.

With the announcement of Realm of Chaos: Wrath and Rapture, it appears GW is ready to bring Slaanesh back to the 40k and AoS universes, along with a (daemonic) host of new models. And this did come to pass... Though it isn't as grand as many would have hoped. It has been revealed that the 66 chains holding Slaanesh (real subtle, GW) can be broken by certain depraved or powerful acts, ie, an excess of anger from Khorne, or a Stormhost turning on the people they protect (which did happen and was engineered by Slaanesh taking a leaf from Tzeentch's book). Having broken a handful of the chains Slaanesh cast illusions to prevent the elves from discovering this, and if the majority of chains get shattered Slaanesh will be strong enough to break the rest. If Slaanesh ever did escape, he would immediately try and engulf all of Ulgu and Hysh, securing two whole realms and thereby winning the great game though Khorne would object violently, as would Archaon. However, Archaon still needed Slaanesh and was actively tracking down the trapped god. Archaon eventually succeeded at finding Slaanesh and started working to free him, though Slannesh's sass vexed Archaon. It would've worked eventually, but Archaon had a vision of the Nighthaunt and Bonereapers taking the Shyish realmgate and attacking the Varanspire. Though Archaon was pissed, since he knew the aelf gods would move Slaanesh's prison and tighten security after this, he abandoned Slaanesh and went back to the Allpoints.

== Followers ==
[[File:Slaanesh Banners.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Slaaneshi banners.]]
Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become [[Chris-Chan|colossal perverts]]; alternatively, she may attract followers from those who are already [[Ultramarines|colossal perverts]], and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. [[Just as planned]].

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and give them everything they could ever want because she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of his hatred for it. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the ''best'', gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, [[/v/|that perfect 360 noscope,]] to [[powergamer|hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be]], or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi...even if they don’t want to be. If the thrill lies in just killing people-- the pure joy of murder-- and the skill is just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing, even pain. See the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. [[Troll|They also get off on the reactions they get from others]]- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men. These are things that Khorne can’t stand, because No one truly deserves the punishments that the followers hand out to their victims, Khorne has standards. it takes them throws them out the window follows them out the window and murderfucks them With its arms pumping wildly. Everything that Khorne preaches Slannesh ruins.

When things come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being a silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here the difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, usually through charismatic speeches and the like, while Tzeenchians often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in a process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions, for which they'd use the exchange of favors, blackmail, and other such forms of social politicking. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more [[Heresy|literal]] in Slaanesh's case. However tzeentch Has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming, slaanesh still wins, And it didn’t do anything have that bonus. It was just born lucky. So tzeentch hates it too.

Apart from [[AIDS|the obvious]], Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction. There was the matter of the [[Isha|qt Eldar waifu]] Slaanesh wanted to keep for [[/d/|some]] [[rape|after-party]] [[FATAL|entertainment]], but since Nurgle is a fa/tg/uy at heart he couldn't resist claiming the elf waifu for himself. <s>But they're mostly over that</s> Slaanesh is over it, nurgle is not. Otherwise, their domains are just too different that they don't overlap all that much. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration. That being said nurgle is still not fond of it. Mainly Due to the aforementioned due to the aforementioned qt eldar waifu, slaanesh’s tendency to cause species to overprocreate, and because he hates hermaphrodites...They are the one thing he cannot stand.

[[File:Slaaneshi Forces.JPG|thumb|right|500px|Slaaneshi forces in their realm.]]

Slaanesh units are:
* '''[[Daemonettes]]''', hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use [[Raging Heroes|proxies]] randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as she contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
* '''[[Seekers of Slaanesh]]''', Daemonettes mounted upon [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor [[dinosaur]]; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
* '''[[Fiends of Slaanesh]]''', large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
* '''[[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky [[tarpit]] removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least [[Distraction Carnifex|target mitigation]] to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded [[Tau|fire warriors]] or some [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Spearmen]] can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
* '''[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally [[/d/|dripping]] with excitement at being in battle.
* '''[[Warriors of Chaos]]''', not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the [[Warp Gates]] they are, the more like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
* '''[[Beastmen]]''', the rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
* '''[[Keepers Of Secrets]]''', Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, each is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless lead by a...
* '''[[Daemon Prince]]''', a human (with [[Dechala|one Elf]] as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in her service.

=== 40k ===
* '''[[Chaos Space Marines]]''', the traitor marines of the [[Emperor's Children|third legion]] worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
** '''[[Noise Marines]]''', the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's [[Berserkers]], Nurgle's [[Plague Marines]] or Tzeentch's [[Thousand Sons]]. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using [[Sonic Weaponry]] because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berghain Can be found IRL also.]

=== Fantasy ===
* '''[[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Druchii]]''', the Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Cult Of Pleasure]]. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen [[Morathi]] being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her [[Malekith|son]] and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of [[Khaine]], Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept [[Harpies|her own]] as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of [[Atharti]], [[Hekarti]], and [[Ereth Khial]], three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave who's skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.

==Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k==
With the release of "Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider" we now have daemons of Slaanesh making an appearance during the [[War in Heaven]]? Now this could be just a case of timey wimey Warp shenanigans but it could also be an indication of something else! What if Slaanesh's "birth" was actually more akin to a rebirth of something far older; the original sin if you were.

It is known that even before the Fall agents of Slaanesh were already at large in the galaxy and actively seeking to bring it into being. If Slaanesh did indeed have a presence all the way back in the War in Heaven then perhaps it has always been there, seeking a way to return, as opposed to beginning to gestate within the Empyrean during the conflict itself.

Slaanesh isn't all about sex, [[Drug|drugs]] and more sex, but actually fits all of the seven deadly sins rather well: [[/d/|Lust]], [[RAGE|Wrath]], [[Blood Ravens|Greed]], [[Perturabo|Envy]], [[Giles|Gluttony]], [[Lazy Marines|Sloth]] and [[Cato Sicarius|Pride]] all fall under Slaanesh's domain; each of which play key roles in the other God's spheres of influence also. Of course these are taken to their extremes, as is Slaanesh's trade mark, but even the other Chaos Gods are extremes in their own way, and though they are all placed above the Dark Prince in terms of power they all may "fear" the influence that Slaanesh has the potential to hold over them and are very wary that the Dark Prince may eventually eclipse them all in power.

The War in Heaven is essentially the event(s) that created "Hell" in 40k as many races with a presence in the warp fought and died in the conflict, so it makes sense that there must have been an "original Satan"-like figure as well. Of course, this could be looking too much into this and talking out of our collective arse, but what with Slaanesh in [[Age of Sigmar]] no longer being counted amongst the Four, it opens up a lot of possibilities for when the Dark Prince does eventually return.

==The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh==

(AKA [[Kaldor Draigo]] becomes a sleeper agent. Probably. Other things are possible, but this would slap down the Mary Sue, so really, why argue?)

While the other Chaos Gods rarely welcome intruders to their lands within the immaterium, Slaanesh loves to tempt visitors to his unnatural domain, and those that dare enter the Lord of Pleasure's territory risk becoming trapped in its warped delights for eternity.

Slaanesh's realm is divided into six domains, arranged in concentric rings about the Palace of Pleasure. Each of these is a celebration of Slaanesh's desires, and while they might be mistaken for paradises, nothing in the lands of the Dark Prince is as it seems. An intruder can only reach the Palace of Pleasure, in the very heart of Slaanesh's territory, by passing through all six of the circles-an act of will beyond most souls, both mortal and demonic. One amongst the mortal visitors to his realm still looms large in the memory of Slaanesh, however-a wandering knight of the Adeptus Astartes whose resolve was as strong as silvered adamantium.

The first circle the knight pushed through was richly appointed beyond the dreams of kings. Mountains of stacked gold reached towards rainbow mosaics of gemstones in the marble vaults high above, glittering ingots and diamonds beyond count littered the ground. The knight marched past plenty a starving wretch attempting to count the innumerable gold coins. Their sallow faces twisted with mounting greed until their piles toppled, and, weeping, they had to start over again. At every corner of the crossroads stood gilded statues, some of beautiful Slaanesh, others of Daemons and mortals trapped in blissful ecstasy. The trails in the diamond dust underfoot betrayed the fact that the statues were once flesh and blood. The knight had left notions of material wealth long behind, and he strode on without touching a single coin.

Crunching his way across a beach of golden teeth, the knight came to the shores of a vast lake of dark wine. The lake was dotted with pallid islands formed from the backs of giants, each linked by criss-crossing bridges. The backward hands of each giant held up a table that groaned under the weight of a lavish feast. There, he saw mortal men gorging themselves on the banquet, wide-eyed and desperate in their hunger as others frantically tried to gulp down the lake itself. The bloated and the obese moaned in pain as they crammed ever more food into their wine stained mouths. The knight pressed on, distaste twisting his features as he passed the grisly remains of those who had consumed so much that they had physically burst apart.

The wanderer made his way through fields of golden light and soft hay, where lissom maidens and beautiful youths frolicked near-naked in the hallucinogenic musk of the lithe beasts that cavorted with them. The faces and fertile forms of the dancers were impossibly sensual, moulded to the perfect desire of the heart. The knight held his breath and closed his eyes, for though mortal pleasures were forbidden to his order, part of him was still a man. The crooning nymphs gathered around the knight, stroking his silvered armour and whispering of the sweet, carnal pleasures they would give him, but he yielded not. The severed limbs and heads that lay underfoot spoke of the truth behind the honeyed lies. Eyes shut, he cut down the daemonette seductresses around him one after another, letting revulsion guide his shining blade.

After fighting his way through the feminine contours of the foothills ahead, the knight emerged onto a balcony where he was greeted by roars of adulation and approval. An army of Space Marines so vast its number was beyond counting awaited before him on an endless plain, listening in fevered anticipation of his commands for conquest. Planetary governors nodded in obsequious anticipation, and the High Lords of Terra smiled up at him from smaller balconies of their own, motioning him to speak. The knight recognised one of the rulers from his own mortal life, and stood before him, looking deep into the Philosopher-King's eyes. Behind the mask of power and self-assurance, he saw eternal, nagging paranoia, gnawing suspicion and hidden doubts that were acid to the soul. The knight shook his head sadly and walked away.

Wearied by his ordeals, the wanderer strode on through a mesmerising woodland paradise, its maze of pathways thick with flowers and heavy with thorns. The gentle, fragrant breeze whispered to the knight of past glories, reminding him of the executions he had performed in the Emperor's name. Mirrored pools reflected the knight as a shining saint, his face serene but his sword bloodied as he artfully carved apart rank after rank of red-skinned Daemons. The warrior turned away, troubled. In the distance, he could make out tortured figures staring intently into mirror pools of their own, each held immobile by the undergrowth as whispering thorns insinuated themselves into their flesh. The wanderer turned his mind to the humility of the cell he once called home. As he did so, the path through the maze writhed and straightened out before him. So the knight trudged on.

An endless beach stretched away from the knight, and heavenly choirs sung soothing lullabies as the perfumed sea lapped at the fortress walls of his mind. The wanderer's bones cried out for rest, even if only for a moment. The warmth of the golden sun above calmed his soul, and the tide began to erode his will. His tired eyes could barely stay open. But his vision was still clear enough to see the horrible truth. The bone-white sand was made from the remains of those who had rested here and fallen into a coma of blissful indolence. His resolve hardened, the knight strode on toward the shimmering palace in the distance.

It was there, beneath the elegant spires, that the wanderer came before almighty Slaanesh. Statuesque and divinely glamorous, the deity visited him in the form of a young man possessed of an androgynous beauty-clean limbed and fresh with the vigour of youth. The knight unsheathed his rune-etched sword and made to strike him down. To his horror, he found that he could not, for the god-prince was disarming in his innocence and utterly beguiling in his manner.

Even the purest flame can be extinguished by the tide. In that single moment of doubt, the wanderer was lost. He knelt, bowing his head at last, and a single touch of the being's glowing sceptre on each shoulder sealed his fate for eternity.

== Facts ==
[[File:Nope.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?]]
* [[Ynnead]] is secretly Slaanesh
*[[Sanguinius]] is jealous of Slaanesh because they are the only one more fabulous than hi-{{BLAM}}
* Slaanesh wants to fuck the Emperor, but every time they try, the Big E psychically bitch-slaps them, destroys all their sex toys and sex slaves and breaks their hands so they can't fap for a while.
* Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
** Slaanesh is dyslexic.
***Slaanesh also knows that you can't spell dyslexic without sex
* The title of Slaanesh's greatest mortal champion is owned by Shädman''(ayyyyy)''
* Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how their only representation in the DoW series was the [[Emperor's Children]] paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, their did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones. (And their colours aren't even correct.)
**However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still <s>pissed off of not getting enough representation</s> OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while they only get a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
* Charlie Sheen is their first true Daemon Prince (though he was recently diagnosed with HIV which resulted from his sexcapades, so looks like he could swing towards [[Nurgle]]. But just like [[Fulgrim]] his body probably needs to be destroyed first before he can ascend). It was nearly Malcolm Mcdowell, on account of Mcdowell's filmography including two of Slaanesh's favorite films (see below) and Mcdowell's hedonistic younger years; before Charlie had even reached puberty, Mcdowell was already far into sex and drugs both in his films and real-life. But as he got older, Mcdowell turned away from hedonism and cleaned himself up. Other contenders include Gene Simmons and Tila Tequila.
* Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
* If it exists, [[PROMOTIONS|Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it]].
* Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne to get his daily dose of lulz. Slaanesh always loses these fights pretty badly; and each time, Slaanesh takes it pretty hard. [[C.S.Goto|And this pleases them.]]
* Slaanesh is secretly depressed that have no friends. Khorne is a dick, and Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is. Nurgle is nice, but Slaanesh can't get over the fact that he cucked them. ("Can't get over it" in both a [[PROMOTIONS|positive]] and [[RAGE|negative]] sense.)
** Also, Nurgle has ''all'' the STDs, which would make him Slaanesh's natural enemy out in the wild. Isha's immunity to all diseases is better than any protection, which is a pretty substantial reason why Slaanesh liked her.
* Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where they being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods.
* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string them along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
* Khorne [[Rip and Tear|regularly tears off Slaanesh's arms]] and beats them over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
* Slaanesh was doping when they killed the Eldar Gods, they couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs. (at least that what Khaine, a god of war and destruction, keeps insisting when ever someone asks him why he got both figuratively and possibly literally raped by a god(ess) of sex drugs and rock'n'roll)
** Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
* Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, they got their left boob cut off for their trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six). Given the new backstory and their time of birth, this means that Slaanesh lost against a Necron Pokémon.
* Slaanesh is a great patron of the arts. Their favourite films include:
** Hellraiser: Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, they took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... <strike>That is, of course, a lie. They actually ripped off Hellraiser.</strike> Hellraiser ripped them off. Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
** A Serbian Film: Slaanesh's second favorite movie. They already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
** Pink Flamingos: Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's journal. Slaanesh especially enjoyed the depictions of their hobbies (including bestiality, scat fetishes and vore), that the movie quotes them directly (see Divine's quote above).
** A Clockwork Orange: One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. (Although Slaanesh faps/shlicks to commentaries on morality too.) They like to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. They also find the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. '''BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!!''' Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!].
** The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
** Legend: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3J91bPrW9A Also because of Tim Curry, who practically plays a daemon prince of Slaanesh].
** Caligula: The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm Mcdowell as the title character. Slaanesh's favorite scenes are when Caligula engages in an incestuous threesome with his sister and his fiance, and the giant orgies on stage (don't watch the latter if you have a weak stomach - there's a real snake in one scene and [[FATAL|you don't want to know what the woman does with it]]).
** Eyes Wide Shut. Slaanesh has heard the film described as "Just Artsy Porn", but doesn't get the criticism. It's Art and it's Porn. What's not to love?
** Event Horizon: A documentary of how he/she/it is directly responsible for fucking up humanity's first venture into the Warp.
** High Rise: Some say it holds the essence of the one time Slaaneshi and Khaine got jiggy with it.
** Salo or 120 days of Sodom: Slaanesh liked it better when they thought it was real and not just special effects.
** The Stuff: A movie about the time some railroad workers found lakes of Slaanesh's jizz at a quarry and marketed it as dessert food due to its properties, leading to numerous shenanigans and giving Slaanesh much lulz that they never learned where it came from.
* Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
* Slaanesh's favorite band is GWAR, because everything with them is sex, drugs, and rock and roll in excess, even covering their audience in jizz, blood, random chemicals, and mixtures of all three, and inciting massive blood orgies constantly.
* Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams is also suspected to be one of the early influences of Slaanesh in human music culture, the singer suspected to be one of his/her/its avatars.
* Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, as well as all the dick, cloca, ovipositor, stamen, pistil, and pilus.
* Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
* Slaanesh found Captain Flashheart so magnificent in Blackadder that they created a daemon prince in his image. Woof woof!
* Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really [[cheese|cheesy]] ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
*Slaanesh is the only entity in existence who listens to the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast purely for erotic purposes. He/she/it cannot understand for the life of him/her/it why no one else finds cervix-grabbing sexy.
** Still, ]they fap/shlick/???-PROFIT at this.
*Mentioning the names of Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn gives Slaanesh a massive boner/lady-boner. Though Slaanesh didn't have a hand in inventing the internet, three guesses why Slaanesh loves the internet, and the first two don't count. Mentioning Hugh Hefner also has a similar effect.
* As a patron of the arts, Slaanesh has many favorite authors, so can't pick one. Having said that, Marquis de Sade is a strong contender.
* Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
** Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
**Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
** Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
**Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
*Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience.
*Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking. '''{{Blam|DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!}}'''
**Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.]]
* [[If the emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|If you masturbate with barbed wire, a daemon of slaanesh will be summoned, and you will be exterminatus-ed]]
* Slaanesh secretly wants Khorne. S/he's upset that the 'Special K' hates her/him/it.
**However, if Slaanesh ever did create a copy of him/her/their/itself, then the two would immediately try to murderfuck each other, in a kinky simulacrum of Highlander. This would apply to all of the main ruinous powers, <s>apart from</s> including Nurgle, <s>who would simply hug his</s> whose female double <s>and then get to work with said double on a particularly virulent strain of super aids/crotch rot.</s> would get jealous of Isha and conspire with Slaanesh to get rid of that home-wrecking skank.
*Slaanesh is the patron <s>god</s> <s>goddess</s> deity of bonobos (look them up).
*Slaanesh's ''only'' criticism of the Cats movie is that there are no visible genitals.
* Slaanesh #fuckedPalpatine.

== Gallery ==
{{heresy}}
{{promotions}}
{{/d/}}
<gallery>
Image:Slaaneshfaggot.jpeg|A real-life worshipper of Slaanesh.
Image:Slaaneshi.JPG|Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|That's a real [[commissar]], just look at the [[hat]].
Image:Daemonette02.JPG|DDaemonette
Image:Daemonette01.JPG|It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

Image:Daemonette.JPG
Image:Slaaneshi2.JPG|Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Image:Daemonxmas copy.jpg|Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Image:Lurvemudkipz.JPG|Evidence that it is possible that some [[pokémon]] are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

Image:Slaaneshi mudkips.JPG|Oh god. ;_;
Image:Slaanesh trainer.jpg|There is no excuse or explanation for this.
Image:Slaaneshijack copy.jpg|This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Image:Irresistible.jpg|Simply Irresistible

Image:Dranon5.jpg|Mr Culexus' interpretation of Slaanesh. Notice the massive bulge in the crotch that's bigger than it's boobs.
Image:Not_too_abysmal_by_Mr_Culexus.jpg|Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
Image:1271157389405.jpg|What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Image:daemonette_minerva.png|Who else did you think furries worshiped?

Image:Slaanesh_LAWL.jpg|LAWL
Image:Trapmarine.jpg|Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
Image:Trapmarine_BW.jpg|... which may not be so "little".
Image:Daemonette_with_seeker_mount.jpg|She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me. Although for your sake you really should take my word for it.

Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|The more common and usual fate of Eldar.
Image:Slaanesh cosplay 1 by zk87-d2zo47q.jpg|Now 262.71% more real!
Image:Slaanesh Time.jpg|You might be mixing up love and lust.
Image:Slaanesh_miniature_closeup.jpg|Gimme some sugar

Image:Slaanesh+hr giger.jpg|H. R. Geiger is pleased
Image:Slaanesh by zk87-d2z4bpv.jpg|Lashes of Torment!
Image:Slaanesh-153102-SweetAngel.jpg|She Who Thirsts indeed
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated]

Image:Dark_Prince_of_Pleasure_Slaanesh_wfrp.jpg|From the old [[WFRP]] days
Image:MoeSlaanesh.png|How can anyone not want to serve something so utterly <s>adorable</s> heretical?
Image:1419021850273.jpg|Yes, that is a Santa outfit.
Image:Anons_fall_to_Chaos.png|Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
Image:Champion of Slaanesh RL.png| We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
Image:HereticalUseOfChainswords.gif| When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
Image:Cultist-chan24.jpg|Slaanesh has improved cultist chan
Image:Wildslaanesh.png|Slaanesh Demon corrupts children
Image:Slaanesh-sorcerer.jpeg|Slaanesh makes the Cenobites from Hellraiser look good.
</gallery>

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

==See Also==
*[[Azazel]] - The oldest existing [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[Dechala]] - The oldest existing Chaos Champion special character of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[The Masque]] - Slaanesh's former fav fab Daemonette stripper, and current PR rep.
*[[Sigvald]], Slaanesh's favorite not-Caligula/not-Joffrey.
*The [[Emperor's Children]] legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
*[[Fulgrim]] - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks ever.
*[[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bile]] - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played by geriatric [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane_%28wrestler%29 Glenn Jacobs] instead of young Tim Curry.
*[[Lucius]] - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
*[[Doomrider]] - He does COCAINE!
*[[Miriael Sabathiel]] - The most infamous [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] to fall to Slaanesh. Commonly mistaken as the ''only'' Chaos Sister of Battle by people who haven't read [[Ephrael Stern|Daemonifuge]]. Last seen hunting Eldar to give them [[Rape|hugs]].
*[[Codex - Fallen Sororitas]] - An entire homebrew army of Slaaneshi Sisters of Battle.
*[[Daemonette]] - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
*[[Reasonable Daemonette]] - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
*[[Loli D]] - The [[loli]] variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is [[Extra Heresy|extra heretical]]. E-Commissars can and will [[Exterminatus|blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice]] if you click on this link.
*[http://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Slaanesh's_sacrifice.pdf Slaanesh's Sacrifice] - Some Slaaneshi writefaggotry for the more heretical among you.
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRPIsrxUc_E Rick and Morty's visit to the Realm of Slaanesh]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-gHgcmFB6Q Slaanesh's visit to the Realm of Rick and Morty]
*[https://pastebin.com/5QZMB7nH Excessively Vanilla] - AKA the '''one''' time Slaanesh goes full-on vanilla, including actual marriage, handholding, and under the cover missionary sex for the sole purpose of procreation
{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category:Hedonites of Slaanesh]]

Slaanesh

2020-07-21T20:24:03Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD:

[[File:Slaanesh_mark.png|center]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
{{Promotions}}
{{/d/}}
{{sick|The hermaphrodite goddess of rape who wants to eat everyone's souls and rape them forever.}}

[[Image:Slaanesh_by_baklaher-d7dvohn.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Slaanesh... tempting you to join a [[rape|party in which you will never forget...]] [[Rule 34|also now in even more NSFW!]]]]

'''''PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! - The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in'''''

{{Topquote|Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.|Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show}}

{{Topquote|To be loved, feelings must be rationed. To love, the doors of hysteria, fantasy, and madness may be flung open.|Anton LaVey}}

{{Topquote|An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom.|Charles Baudelaire}}

{{Topquote|Everything is good when it is excessive.|Donatien-Alphonse-François, AKA Marquis de Sade}}

{{Topquote|Blood does more than turn me on, it makes me cum. And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it. The taste of hot, freshly killed blood... Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth are my politics! Filth is my life! Take whatever you like.|Divine, Pink Flamingoes}}

{{Topquote|OO! KINKY!|Anyone who ever set eyes on a daemon of slaanesh}}

==Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition==
[[Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|thumb|500px|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated.] Wait, one whip is held in the hand and the other is held in the...]]
Behold '''Slaanesh''', also known as '''Shaarnor (to [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Elves and some humans]]), Shornaal (to [[Warriors of Chaos|humans and some Elves]]), The Dark Prince, the Lord of Excess, Leviathan, Lord of the Labyrinth, The Sweet Transvestite, The Lusty Argonian Maid, the Colossal Pervert''', '''the Ultimate Trap''', '''Never Went to Rehab''', '''Slut4Evar''', '''the one who ruins everything,''' '''the new thing,''' and multiple other names. Slaanesh is the [[Chaos God]] of [[/d/|perversion, Hentai]], [[Extra Heresy|shamelessness]], [[Furry|excess]], [[Rebecca Black|the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever]]. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting [[heresy]] of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and their [[daemonette]]s.

Slaanesh was 'born' (in this case semi literally, from aspects other chaos gods had.) at the fall of the [[Eldar]], when all their torture, [[rape]], S&M, bondage, decadence, eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the [[Eye of Terror]], killing the majority of their race. Thus, the final chaos god is known as the one that was literally murderfucked into existence. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he or she becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding Exodites, whose soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit and Harlequins, who are scooped up by the [[Cegorach|great clown]] himself, and the faithful of Ynnead). This is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into [[Exterminatus|exterminating]] each other just to save one of their own. The [[Dark Eldar]] take this up to eleven; because they do not use spirit stones nor are they protected like the Harlequins, Slaanesh is constantly sanding their souls down around the edges. In order to circumvent this they resort to huffing the souls of those in agony or those who have recently died. This distracts it for a while due to it having the attention span of a goldfish. (however this isn't ''just'' for survival; the Dark Eldar revel in sadism for its own sake too, this unknowingly gives her more power in a vicious cycle of murderfucking).
Of course, the descriptions above apply primarily to Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and <s>rock n' roll</s> It stole that from Khorne. Slaanesh is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic about whipping heretics.It is for this reason ironically enough that she is hated by every single entity in the warp, Yes even Nurgle. More on that below.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While [[fluff]] claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure. Lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, extreme sadism, Preverse sexual lust, And the like. are the pleasures their followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of insatiable concubines to fulfill your every desire? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain? Numerous examples of 40k lore have made it apparent that while those who fall to Slaanesh might start off with a desire to fulfill their rather run-of-the-mill baser instincts, it always spirals out of control. For example, in the novel ''Shadowsword'', a young nobleman makes a deal with a devilish creature so that he can possess and sleep with his lady love, who is also his first cousin. By the time all is said and done, a grand party to welcome the forces of Chaos to their world turns into a charnel scene where the guests ''imagine'' themselves to be dancing and enjoying fine food and drink, but in reality they are tearing each other apart with their bare hands and engaging in cannibalism; others believe that they are embracing when their bodies and flesh are literally melding together. These are the types of scenes that truly grant Slaanesh power.

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh was the lord of all ''pleasure'' then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because, in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron acts in order to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). However, the point of Slaanesh is not to revel in ''any'' pain or pleasure, but to gain power from exposing mortals to the types of experiences that a sane person ''could not'' and ''would not'' ever be able to imagine in the first place. For all but the very strongest and most devout, this pollutes and twists their very souls to such an extent that they remain in thrall to Slaanesh forever. Such horizons of experience and sensation are far, far beyond the predictable inclinations and fetishes of your typical 4chan fa/tg/uy.

Even [[Khorne]], Slaanesh's primary rival, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in [[Just as Planned]]. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slaanesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the [[fluff]], it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Slaanesh being usually named the "God of Excess" it's more that they gain power from OVER-indulging in the small things like sex and eating, which in 40k is actually more rare than people would think. Considering that it's damn hard for anyone to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before a grueling 48 hours of avoiding death in the name of the Emprah in the far corner of some forgotten forge-world, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh on your average imperial world, is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil, bastard. (''It is worth noting that GW seems to have picked up somewhat on this fact. As of the latest daemon codex it does mention that Slaanesh has a particular way of influencing the other chaos gods and that they are all weary of them given that they draw some strength from the extreme behaviours they promote in their followers and are subject to themselves.'')

Slaanesh is also associated with the arts and creativity, as creativity means pursuing one's own personal desires. Self-indulgence and personal expression are the bedrock of the arts, after all. Those attracted to Slaanesh could theoretically be more than just aristocratic ravers, but also particularly eccentric artists, writers, etc. Slaanesh is Sex, Drugs, and Pop music in the purest sense of the word; not just the orgy after the concert, but the brilliant concert that caused the orgy to begin with. One could assume that, in order to prevent Slaanesh's influence from spreading, the Imperium of Man would censor not just content but style. A radically structured poem, a painting with hints of sexual content, even a deviation from traditional chord structures would presumably bring the Inquisition to your doorstep.

That Being said. It is still Despised By all of the other entities of the warp. For various reasons, some stupid, some incredibly Valid. The most important one however is that not a single being in the galaxy can exhibit mastery over there gods chosen dominion because it Gains power from this rather than their chosen chaos God. it was born lucky this way, And for that reason (among others)it is the envy of many.

If Slaanesh had a voice actor, it would be [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc80tFJpTuo Tim Curry] and/or Tilda Swinton.

==What? Warhammer?==
[[File:Slaanesh Old.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The first depiction of Slaanesh in Warhammer art.]]
In the new [[Age of Sigmar]] setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the [[Horned Rat]]. Derp. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIMg2Xw4_8s While it was thought Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul], this is revealed to be mostly true. There was speculation that Slaanesh has been removed as an active part of Age of Sigmar in some attempt by [[Games Workshop]] to make the game more accessible to children. [[Derp|Somehow, they failed to take into account that an incredibly grimdark game with very complicated rules and such a high price of entry isn't going to be popular among kiddies anyways]]. They may be doing this so parents won't be put off by the game and be willing to buy it for their children and to get past the media watchdogs to make the game more mainstream; but that most likely won't work [[Games Workshop|due to reasons discussed on GW's page here]].
[[File:AoSBeholdSlaanesh.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Slaanesh imprisoned: Unable to decide which dildo to use first, Slaanesh is effectively neutralized! Ingenious! (Also, to answer the question you never asked, Slaanesh is not circumcised. Seriously, take a close look at where those chains pierce)]]

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. With Slaanesh missing, his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh (the refer to themselves as Seekers), those who are trying to claim their former master's position (they are referred to as Pretenders and consists of every Chaos Lord and Keeper of Secrets that wants to claim their former masters position as the new god of depravity) and those who have continued to be allied to Archaon in his wars against the Mortal Realms (who are referred to as Invaders). This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order; it is mostly being led by Slaanesh's greater daemons who lead Slaanesh's demonic and mortal followers but some have actually looked to venerating Archaon as their replacement deity.

With the release of the Daughter of Khaine battletome it's revealed that Slaanesh have been trapped in the void space between Ulgu (Realm of Shadows) and Hysh (Realm of Light) by the collective work of [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]], now gods of the Hysh, [[Malekith|Malerion]], god of Shadow, and [[Morathi]]. There the elf gods are slowly taking back the elf souls the Chaos god had devoured after the End Times, reforging them to their liking, while Slaanesh is trapped in a position that will make it impossible for him to escape. That is, unless Morathi cast a spell to get more souls than it was initially planned for her to receive, a spell that would weaken the chains that are keeping Slaanesh trapped, which of course she did. Now Slaanesh is ever so slowly getting further from Hysh and closer to Ulgu, which enabled Slaanesh's followers to learn where he was. The only things standing in their way are the fact that they can't reach Slaanesh's prison, the elf gods and their forces. Even then, Slaanesh might eventually be able to free itself.

With the announcement of Realm of Chaos: Wrath and Rapture, it appears GW is ready to bring Slaanesh back to the 40k and AoS universes, along with a (daemonic) host of new models. And this did come to pass... Though it isn't as grand as many would have hoped. It has been revealed that the 66 chains holding Slaanesh (real subtle, GW) can be broken by certain depraved or powerful acts, ie, an excess of anger from Khorne, or a Stormhost turning on the people they protect (which did happen and was engineered by Slaanesh taking a leaf from Tzeentch's book). Having broken a handful of the chains Slaanesh cast illusions to prevent the elves from discovering this, and if the majority of chains get shattered Slaanesh will be strong enough to break the rest. If Slaanesh ever did escape, he would immediately try and engulf all of Ulgu and Hysh, securing two whole realms and thereby winning the great game though Khorne would object violently, as would Archaon. However, Archaon still needed Slaanesh and was actively tracking down the trapped god. Archaon eventually succeeded at finding Slaanesh and started working to free him, though Slannesh's sass vexed Archaon. It would've worked eventually, but Archaon had a vision of the Nighthaunt and Bonereapers taking the Shyish realmgate and attacking the Varanspire. Though Archaon was pissed, since he knew the aelf gods would move Slaanesh's prison and tighten security after this, he abandoned Slaanesh and went back to the Allpoints.

== Followers ==
[[File:Slaanesh Banners.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Slaaneshi banners.]]
Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become [[Chris-Chan|colossal perverts]]; alternatively, she may attract followers from those who are already [[Ultramarines|colossal perverts]], and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. [[Just as planned]].

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and give them everything they could ever want because she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of his hatred for it. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the ''best'', gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, [[/v/|that perfect 360 noscope,]] to [[powergamer|hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be]], or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi...even if they don’t want to be. If the thrill lies in just killing people-- the pure joy of murder-- and the skill is just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing, even pain. See the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. [[Troll|They also get off on the reactions they get from others]]- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men. These are things that Khorne can’t stand, because No one truly deserves the punishments that the followers hand out to their victims, Khorne has standards. it takes them throws them out the window follows them out the window and murderfucks them With its arms pumping wildly. Everything that Khorne preaches Slannesh ruins.

When things come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being a silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here the difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, usually through charismatic speeches and the like, while Tzeenchians often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in a process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions, for which they'd use the exchange of favors, blackmail, and other such forms of social politicking. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more [[Heresy|literal]] in Slaanesh's case. However tzeentch Has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming, slaanesh still wins, And it didn’t do anything have that bonus. It was just born lucky. So tzeentch hates it too.

Apart from [[AIDS|the obvious]], Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction. There was the matter of the [[Isha|qt Eldar waifu]] Slaanesh wanted to keep for [[/d/|some]] [[rape|after-party]] [[FATAL|entertainment]], but since Nurgle is a fa/tg/uy at heart he couldn't resist claiming the elf waifu for himself. <s>But they're mostly over that</s> Slaanesh is over it, nurgle is not. Otherwise, their domains are just too different that they don't overlap all that much. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration. That being said nurgle is still not fond of it. Mainly Due to the aforementioned due to the aforementioned qt eldar waifu, slaanesh’s tendency to cause species to overprocreate, and because he hates hermaphrodites...They are the one thing he cannot stand.

[[File:Slaaneshi Forces.JPG|thumb|right|500px|Slaaneshi forces in their realm.]]

Slaanesh units are:
* '''[[Daemonettes]]''', hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use [[Raging Heroes|proxies]] randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as she contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
* '''[[Seekers of Slaanesh]]''', Daemonettes mounted upon [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor [[dinosaur]]; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
* '''[[Fiends of Slaanesh]]''', large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
* '''[[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky [[tarpit]] removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least [[Distraction Carnifex|target mitigation]] to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded [[Tau|fire warriors]] or some [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Spearmen]] can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
* '''[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally [[/d/|dripping]] with excitement at being in battle.
* '''[[Warriors of Chaos]]''', not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the [[Warp Gates]] they are, the more like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
* '''[[Beastmen]]''', the rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
* '''[[Keepers Of Secrets]]''', Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, each is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless lead by a...
* '''[[Daemon Prince]]''', a human (with [[Dechala|one Elf]] as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in her service.

=== 40k ===
* '''[[Chaos Space Marines]]''', the traitor marines of the [[Emperor's Children|third legion]] worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
** '''[[Noise Marines]]''', the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's [[Berserkers]], Nurgle's [[Plague Marines]] or Tzeentch's [[Thousand Sons]]. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using [[Sonic Weaponry]] because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berghain Can be found IRL also.]

=== Fantasy ===
* '''[[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Druchii]]''', the Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Cult Of Pleasure]]. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen [[Morathi]] being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her [[Malekith|son]] and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of [[Khaine]], Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept [[Harpies|her own]] as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of [[Atharti]], [[Hekarti]], and [[Ereth Khial]], three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave who's skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.

==Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k==
With the release of "Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider" we now have daemons of Slaanesh making an appearance during the [[War in Heaven]]? Now this could be just a case of timey wimey Warp shenanigans but it could also be an indication of something else! What if Slaanesh's "birth" was actually more akin to a rebirth of something far older; the original sin if you were.

It is known that even before the Fall agents of Slaanesh were already at large in the galaxy and actively seeking to bring it into being. If Slaanesh did indeed have a presence all the way back in the War in Heaven then perhaps it has always been there, seeking a way to return, as opposed to beginning to gestate within the Empyrean during the conflict itself.

Slaanesh isn't all about sex, [[Drug|drugs]] and more sex, but actually fits all of the seven deadly sins rather well: [[/d/|Lust]], [[RAGE|Wrath]], [[Blood Ravens|Greed]], [[Perturabo|Envy]], [[Giles|Gluttony]], [[Lazy Marines|Sloth]] and [[Cato Sicarius|Pride]] all fall under Slaanesh's domain; each of which play key roles in the other God's spheres of influence also. Of course these are taken to their extremes, as is Slaanesh's trade mark, but even the other Chaos Gods are extremes in their own way, and though they are all placed above the Dark Prince in terms of power they all may "fear" the influence that Slaanesh has the potential to hold over them and are very wary that the Dark Prince may eventually eclipse them all in power.

The War in Heaven is essentially the event(s) that created "Hell" in 40k as many races with a presence in the warp fought and died in the conflict, so it makes sense that there must have been an "original Satan"-like figure as well. Of course, this could be looking too much into this and talking out of our collective arse, but what with Slaanesh in [[Age of Sigmar]] no longer being counted amongst the Four, it opens up a lot of possibilities for when the Dark Prince does eventually return.

==The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh==

(AKA [[Kaldor Draigo]] becomes a sleeper agent. Probably. Other things are possible, but this would slap down the Mary Sue, so really, why argue?)

While the other Chaos Gods rarely welcome intruders to their lands within the immaterium, Slaanesh loves to tempt visitors to his unnatural domain, and those that dare enter the Lord of Pleasure's territory risk becoming trapped in its warped delights for eternity.

Slaanesh's realm is divided into six domains, arranged in concentric rings about the Palace of Pleasure. Each of these is a celebration of Slaanesh's desires, and while they might be mistaken for paradises, nothing in the lands of the Dark Prince is as it seems. An intruder can only reach the Palace of Pleasure, in the very heart of Slaanesh's territory, by passing through all six of the circles-an act of will beyond most souls, both mortal and demonic. One amongst the mortal visitors to his realm still looms large in the memory of Slaanesh, however-a wandering knight of the Adeptus Astartes whose resolve was as strong as silvered adamantium.

The first circle the knight pushed through was richly appointed beyond the dreams of kings. Mountains of stacked gold reached towards rainbow mosaics of gemstones in the marble vaults high above, glittering ingots and diamonds beyond count littered the ground. The knight marched past plenty a starving wretch attempting to count the innumerable gold coins. Their sallow faces twisted with mounting greed until their piles toppled, and, weeping, they had to start over again. At every corner of the crossroads stood gilded statues, some of beautiful Slaanesh, others of Daemons and mortals trapped in blissful ecstasy. The trails in the diamond dust underfoot betrayed the fact that the statues were once flesh and blood. The knight had left notions of material wealth long behind, and he strode on without touching a single coin.

Crunching his way across a beach of golden teeth, the knight came to the shores of a vast lake of dark wine. The lake was dotted with pallid islands formed from the backs of giants, each linked by criss-crossing bridges. The backward hands of each giant held up a table that groaned under the weight of a lavish feast. There, he saw mortal men gorging themselves on the banquet, wide-eyed and desperate in their hunger as others frantically tried to gulp down the lake itself. The bloated and the obese moaned in pain as they crammed ever more food into their wine stained mouths. The knight pressed on, distaste twisting his features as he passed the grisly remains of those who had consumed so much that they had physically burst apart.

The wanderer made his way through fields of golden light and soft hay, where lissom maidens and beautiful youths frolicked near-naked in the hallucinogenic musk of the lithe beasts that cavorted with them. The faces and fertile forms of the dancers were impossibly sensual, moulded to the perfect desire of the heart. The knight held his breath and closed his eyes, for though mortal pleasures were forbidden to his order, part of him was still a man. The crooning nymphs gathered around the knight, stroking his silvered armour and whispering of the sweet, carnal pleasures they would give him, but he yielded not. The severed limbs and heads that lay underfoot spoke of the truth behind the honeyed lies. Eyes shut, he cut down the daemonette seductresses around him one after another, letting revulsion guide his shining blade.

After fighting his way through the feminine contours of the foothills ahead, the knight emerged onto a balcony where he was greeted by roars of adulation and approval. An army of Space Marines so vast its number was beyond counting awaited before him on an endless plain, listening in fevered anticipation of his commands for conquest. Planetary governors nodded in obsequious anticipation, and the High Lords of Terra smiled up at him from smaller balconies of their own, motioning him to speak. The knight recognised one of the rulers from his own mortal life, and stood before him, looking deep into the Philosopher-King's eyes. Behind the mask of power and self-assurance, he saw eternal, nagging paranoia, gnawing suspicion and hidden doubts that were acid to the soul. The knight shook his head sadly and walked away.

Wearied by his ordeals, the wanderer strode on through a mesmerising woodland paradise, its maze of pathways thick with flowers and heavy with thorns. The gentle, fragrant breeze whispered to the knight of past glories, reminding him of the executions he had performed in the Emperor's name. Mirrored pools reflected the knight as a shining saint, his face serene but his sword bloodied as he artfully carved apart rank after rank of red-skinned Daemons. The warrior turned away, troubled. In the distance, he could make out tortured figures staring intently into mirror pools of their own, each held immobile by the undergrowth as whispering thorns insinuated themselves into their flesh. The wanderer turned his mind to the humility of the cell he once called home. As he did so, the path through the maze writhed and straightened out before him. So the knight trudged on.

An endless beach stretched away from the knight, and heavenly choirs sung soothing lullabies as the perfumed sea lapped at the fortress walls of his mind. The wanderer's bones cried out for rest, even if only for a moment. The warmth of the golden sun above calmed his soul, and the tide began to erode his will. His tired eyes could barely stay open. But his vision was still clear enough to see the horrible truth. The bone-white sand was made from the remains of those who had rested here and fallen into a coma of blissful indolence. His resolve hardened, the knight strode on toward the shimmering palace in the distance.

It was there, beneath the elegant spires, that the wanderer came before almighty Slaanesh. Statuesque and divinely glamorous, the deity visited him in the form of a young man possessed of an androgynous beauty-clean limbed and fresh with the vigour of youth. The knight unsheathed his rune-etched sword and made to strike him down. To his horror, he found that he could not, for the god-prince was disarming in his innocence and utterly beguiling in his manner.

Even the purest flame can be extinguished by the tide. In that single moment of doubt, the wanderer was lost. He knelt, bowing his head at last, and a single touch of the being's glowing sceptre on each shoulder sealed his fate for eternity.

== Facts ==
[[File:Nope.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?]]
* [[Ynnead]] is secretly Slaanesh
*[[Sanguinius]] is jealous of Slaanesh because they are the only one more fabulous than hi-{{BLAM}}
* Slaanesh wants to fuck the Emperor, but every time they try, the Big E psychically bitch-slaps them, destroys all their sex toys and sex slaves and breaks their hands so they can't fap for a while.
* Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
** Slaanesh is dyslexic.
***Slaanesh also knows that you can't spell dyslexic without sex
* The title of Slaanesh's greatest mortal champion is owned by Shädman''(ayyyyy)''
* Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how their only representation in the DoW series was the [[Emperor's Children]] paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, their did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones. (And their colours aren't even correct.)
**However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still <s>pissed off of not getting enough representation</s> OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while they only get a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
* Charlie Sheen is their first true Daemon Prince (though he was recently diagnosed with HIV which resulted from his sexcapades, so looks like he could swing towards [[Nurgle]]. But just like [[Fulgrim]] his body probably needs to be destroyed first before he can ascend). It was nearly Malcolm Mcdowell, on account of Mcdowell's filmography including two of Slaanesh's favorite films (see below) and Mcdowell's hedonistic younger years; before Charlie had even reached puberty, Mcdowell was already far into sex and drugs both in his films and real-life. But as he got older, Mcdowell turned away from hedonism and cleaned himself up. Other contenders include Gene Simmons and Tila Tequila.
* Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
* If it exists, [[PROMOTIONS|Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it]].
* Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne to get his daily dose of lulz. Slaanesh always loses these fights pretty badly; and each time, Slaanesh takes it pretty hard. [[C.S.Goto|And this pleases them.]]
* Slaanesh is secretly depressed that have no friends. Khorne is a dick, and Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is. Nurgle is nice, but Slaanesh can't get over the fact that he cucked them. ("Can't get over it" in both a [[PROMOTIONS|positive]] and [[RAGE|negative]] sense.)
** Also, Nurgle has ''all'' the STDs, which would make him Slaanesh's natural enemy out in the wild. Isha's immunity to all diseases is better than any protection, which is a pretty substantial reason why Slaanesh liked her.
* Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where they being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods.
* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string them along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
* Khorne [[Rip and Tear|regularly tears off Slaanesh's arms]] and beats them over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
* Slaanesh was doping when they killed the Eldar Gods, they couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs. (at least that what Khaine, a god of war and destruction, keeps insisting when ever someone asks him why he got both figuratively and possibly literally raped by a god(ess) of sex drugs and rock'n'roll)
** Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
* Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, they got their left boob cut off for their trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six). Given the new backstory and their time of birth, this means that Slaanesh lost against a Necron Pokémon.
* Slaanesh is a great patron of the arts. Their favourite films include:
** Hellraiser: Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, they took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... <strike>That is, of course, a lie. They actually ripped off Hellraiser.</strike> Hellraiser ripped them off. Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
** A Serbian Film: Slaanesh's second favorite movie. They already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
** Pink Flamingos: Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's journal. Slaanesh especially enjoyed the depictions of their hobbies (including bestiality, scat fetishes and vore), that the movie quotes them directly (see Divine's quote above).
** A Clockwork Orange: One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. (Although Slaanesh faps/shlicks to commentaries on morality too.) They like to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. They also find the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. '''BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!!''' Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!].
** The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
** Legend: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3J91bPrW9A Also because of Tim Curry, who practically plays a daemon prince of Slaanesh].
** Caligula: The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm Mcdowell as the title character. Slaanesh's favorite scenes are when Caligula engages in an incestuous threesome with his sister and his fiance, and the giant orgies on stage (don't watch the latter if you have a weak stomach - there's a real snake in one scene and [[FATAL|you don't want to know what the woman does with it]]).
** Eyes Wide Shut. Slaanesh has heard the film described as "Just Artsy Porn", but doesn't get the criticism. It's Art and it's Porn. What's not to love?
** Event Horizon: A documentary of how he/she/it is directly responsible for fucking up humanity's first venture into the Warp.
** High Rise: Some say it holds the essence of the one time Slaaneshi and Khaine got jiggy with it.
** Salo or 120 days of Sodom: Slaanesh liked it better when they thought it was real and not just special effects.
** The Stuff: A movie about the time some railroad workers found lakes of Slaanesh's jizz at a quarry and marketed it as dessert food due to its properties, leading to numerous shenanigans and giving Slaanesh much lulz that they never learned where it came from.
* Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
* Slaanesh's favorite band is GWAR, because everything with them is sex, drugs, and rock and roll in excess, even covering their audience in jizz, blood, random chemicals, and mixtures of all three, and inciting massive blood orgies constantly.
* Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams is also suspected to be one of the early influences of Slaanesh in human music culture, the singer suspected to be one of his/her/its avatars.
* Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, as well as all the dick, cloca, ovipositor, stamen, pistil, and pilus.
* Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
* Slaanesh found Captain Flashheart so magnificent in Blackadder that they created a daemon prince in his image. Woof woof!
* Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really [[cheese|cheesy]] ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
*Slaanesh is the only entity in existence who listens to the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast purely for erotic purposes. He/she/it cannot understand for the life of him/her/it why no one else finds cervix-grabbing sexy.
** Still, ]they fap/shlick/???-PROFIT at this.
*Mentioning the names of Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn gives Slaanesh a massive boner/lady-boner. Though Slaanesh didn't have a hand in inventing the internet, three guesses why Slaanesh loves the internet, and the first two don't count. Mentioning Hugh Hefner also has a similar effect.
* As a patron of the arts, Slaanesh has many favorite authors, so can't pick one. Having said that, Marquis de Sade is a strong contender.
* Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
** Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
**Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
** Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
**Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
*Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience.
*Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking. '''{{Blam|DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!}}'''
**Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.]]
* Slaanesh secretly wants Khorne. S/he's upset that the 'Special K' hates her/him/it.
**However, if Slaanesh ever did create a copy of him/her/their/itself, then the two would immediately try to murderfuck each other, in a kinky simulacrum of Highlander. This would apply to all of the main ruinous powers, <s>apart from</s> including Nurgle, <s>who would simply hug his</s> whose female double <s>and then get to work with said double on a particularly virulent strain of super aids/crotch rot.</s> would get jealous of Isha and conspire with Slaanesh to get rid of that home-wrecking skank.
*Slaanesh is the patron <s>god</s> <s>goddess</s> deity of bonobos (look them up).
*Slaanesh's ''only'' criticism of the Cats movie is that there are no visible genitals.
* Slaanesh #fuckedPalpatine.

== Gallery ==
{{heresy}}
{{promotions}}
{{/d/}}
<gallery>
Image:Slaaneshfaggot.jpeg|A real-life worshipper of Slaanesh.
Image:Slaaneshi.JPG|Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|That's a real [[commissar]], just look at the [[hat]].
Image:Daemonette02.JPG|DDaemonette
Image:Daemonette01.JPG|It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

Image:Daemonette.JPG
Image:Slaaneshi2.JPG|Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Image:Daemonxmas copy.jpg|Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Image:Lurvemudkipz.JPG|Evidence that it is possible that some [[pokémon]] are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

Image:Slaaneshi mudkips.JPG|Oh god. ;_;
Image:Slaanesh trainer.jpg|There is no excuse or explanation for this.
Image:Slaaneshijack copy.jpg|This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Image:Irresistible.jpg|Simply Irresistible

Image:Dranon5.jpg|Mr Culexus' interpretation of Slaanesh. Notice the massive bulge in the crotch that's bigger than it's boobs.
Image:Not_too_abysmal_by_Mr_Culexus.jpg|Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
Image:1271157389405.jpg|What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Image:daemonette_minerva.png|Who else did you think furries worshiped?

Image:Slaanesh_LAWL.jpg|LAWL
Image:Trapmarine.jpg|Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
Image:Trapmarine_BW.jpg|... which may not be so "little".
Image:Daemonette_with_seeker_mount.jpg|She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me. Although for your sake you really should take my word for it.

Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|The more common and usual fate of Eldar.
Image:Slaanesh cosplay 1 by zk87-d2zo47q.jpg|Now 262.71% more real!
Image:Slaanesh Time.jpg|You might be mixing up love and lust.
Image:Slaanesh_miniature_closeup.jpg|Gimme some sugar

Image:Slaanesh+hr giger.jpg|H. R. Geiger is pleased
Image:Slaanesh by zk87-d2z4bpv.jpg|Lashes of Torment!
Image:Slaanesh-153102-SweetAngel.jpg|She Who Thirsts indeed
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated]

Image:Dark_Prince_of_Pleasure_Slaanesh_wfrp.jpg|From the old [[WFRP]] days
Image:MoeSlaanesh.png|How can anyone not want to serve something so utterly <s>adorable</s> heretical?
Image:1419021850273.jpg|Yes, that is a Santa outfit.
Image:Anons_fall_to_Chaos.png|Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
Image:Champion of Slaanesh RL.png| We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
Image:HereticalUseOfChainswords.gif| When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
Image:Cultist-chan24.jpg|Slaanesh has improved cultist chan
Image:Wildslaanesh.png|Slaanesh Demon corrupts children
Image:Slaanesh-sorcerer.jpeg|Slaanesh makes the Cenobites from Hellraiser look good.
</gallery>

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

==See Also==
*[[Azazel]] - The oldest existing [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[Dechala]] - The oldest existing Chaos Champion special character of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[The Masque]] - Slaanesh's former fav fab Daemonette stripper, and current PR rep.
*[[Sigvald]], Slaanesh's favorite not-Caligula/not-Joffrey.
*The [[Emperor's Children]] legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
*[[Fulgrim]] - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks ever.
*[[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bile]] - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played by geriatric [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane_%28wrestler%29 Glenn Jacobs] instead of young Tim Curry.
*[[Lucius]] - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
*[[Doomrider]] - He does COCAINE!
*[[Miriael Sabathiel]] - The most infamous [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] to fall to Slaanesh. Commonly mistaken as the ''only'' Chaos Sister of Battle by people who haven't read [[Ephrael Stern|Daemonifuge]]. Last seen hunting Eldar to give them [[Rape|hugs]].
*[[Codex - Fallen Sororitas]] - An entire homebrew army of Slaaneshi Sisters of Battle.
*[[Daemonette]] - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
*[[Reasonable Daemonette]] - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
*[[Loli D]] - The [[loli]] variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is [[Extra Heresy|extra heretical]]. E-Commissars can and will [[Exterminatus|blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice]] if you click on this link.
*[http://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Slaanesh's_sacrifice.pdf Slaanesh's Sacrifice] - Some Slaaneshi writefaggotry for the more heretical among you.
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRPIsrxUc_E Rick and Morty's visit to the Realm of Slaanesh]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-gHgcmFB6Q Slaanesh's visit to the Realm of Rick and Morty]
*[https://pastebin.com/5QZMB7nH Excessively Vanilla] - AKA the '''one''' time Slaanesh goes full-on vanilla, including actual marriage, handholding, and under the cover missionary sex for the sole purpose of procreation
{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category:Hedonites of Slaanesh]]

Slaanesh

2020-07-21T20:23:17Z

2A02:ED0:5309:A800:CCAC:39D2:C81D:58CD:

[[File:Slaanesh_mark.png|center]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
{{Promotions}}
{{/d/}}
{{sick|The hermaphrodite goddess of rape who wants to eat everyone's souls and rape them forever.}}

[[Image:Slaanesh_by_baklaher-d7dvohn.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Slaanesh... tempting you to join a [[rape|party in which you will never forget...]] [[Rule 34|also now in even more NSFW!]]]]

'''''PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! - The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in'''''

{{Topquote|Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.|Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show}}

{{Topquote|To be loved, feelings must be rationed. To love, the doors of hysteria, fantasy, and madness may be flung open.|Anton LaVey}}

{{Topquote|An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom.|Charles Baudelaire}}

{{Topquote|Everything is good when it is excessive.|Donatien-Alphonse-François, AKA Marquis de Sade}}

{{Topquote|Blood does more than turn me on, it makes me cum. And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it. The taste of hot, freshly killed blood... Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth are my politics! Filth is my life! Take whatever you like.|Divine, Pink Flamingoes}}

{{Topquote|OO! KINKY!|Everyone who has ever set eyes on a daemon of slaanesh}}

==Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition==
[[Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|thumb|500px|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated.] Wait, one whip is held in the hand and the other is held in the...]]
Behold '''Slaanesh''', also known as '''Shaarnor (to [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Elves and some humans]]), Shornaal (to [[Warriors of Chaos|humans and some Elves]]), The Dark Prince, the Lord of Excess, Leviathan, Lord of the Labyrinth, The Sweet Transvestite, The Lusty Argonian Maid, the Colossal Pervert''', '''the Ultimate Trap''', '''Never Went to Rehab''', '''Slut4Evar''', '''the one who ruins everything,''' '''the new thing,''' and multiple other names. Slaanesh is the [[Chaos God]] of [[/d/|perversion, Hentai]], [[Extra Heresy|shamelessness]], [[Furry|excess]], [[Rebecca Black|the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever]]. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting [[heresy]] of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and their [[daemonette]]s.

Slaanesh was 'born' (in this case semi literally, from aspects other chaos gods had.) at the fall of the [[Eldar]], when all their torture, [[rape]], S&M, bondage, decadence, eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the [[Eye of Terror]], killing the majority of their race. Thus, the final chaos god is known as the one that was literally murderfucked into existence. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he or she becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding Exodites, whose soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit and Harlequins, who are scooped up by the [[Cegorach|great clown]] himself, and the faithful of Ynnead). This is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into [[Exterminatus|exterminating]] each other just to save one of their own. The [[Dark Eldar]] take this up to eleven; because they do not use spirit stones nor are they protected like the Harlequins, Slaanesh is constantly sanding their souls down around the edges. In order to circumvent this they resort to huffing the souls of those in agony or those who have recently died. This distracts it for a while due to it having the attention span of a goldfish. (however this isn't ''just'' for survival; the Dark Eldar revel in sadism for its own sake too, this unknowingly gives her more power in a vicious cycle of murderfucking).
Of course, the descriptions above apply primarily to Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and <s>rock n' roll</s> It stole that from Khorne. Slaanesh is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic about whipping heretics.It is for this reason ironically enough that she is hated by every single entity in the warp, Yes even Nurgle. More on that below.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While [[fluff]] claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure. Lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, extreme sadism, Preverse sexual lust, And the like. are the pleasures their followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of insatiable concubines to fulfill your every desire? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain? Numerous examples of 40k lore have made it apparent that while those who fall to Slaanesh might start off with a desire to fulfill their rather run-of-the-mill baser instincts, it always spirals out of control. For example, in the novel ''Shadowsword'', a young nobleman makes a deal with a devilish creature so that he can possess and sleep with his lady love, who is also his first cousin. By the time all is said and done, a grand party to welcome the forces of Chaos to their world turns into a charnel scene where the guests ''imagine'' themselves to be dancing and enjoying fine food and drink, but in reality they are tearing each other apart with their bare hands and engaging in cannibalism; others believe that they are embracing when their bodies and flesh are literally melding together. These are the types of scenes that truly grant Slaanesh power.

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh was the lord of all ''pleasure'' then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because, in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron acts in order to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). However, the point of Slaanesh is not to revel in ''any'' pain or pleasure, but to gain power from exposing mortals to the types of experiences that a sane person ''could not'' and ''would not'' ever be able to imagine in the first place. For all but the very strongest and most devout, this pollutes and twists their very souls to such an extent that they remain in thrall to Slaanesh forever. Such horizons of experience and sensation are far, far beyond the predictable inclinations and fetishes of your typical 4chan fa/tg/uy.

Even [[Khorne]], Slaanesh's primary rival, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in [[Just as Planned]]. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slaanesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the [[fluff]], it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Slaanesh being usually named the "God of Excess" it's more that they gain power from OVER-indulging in the small things like sex and eating, which in 40k is actually more rare than people would think. Considering that it's damn hard for anyone to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before a grueling 48 hours of avoiding death in the name of the Emprah in the far corner of some forgotten forge-world, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh on your average imperial world, is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil, bastard. (''It is worth noting that GW seems to have picked up somewhat on this fact. As of the latest daemon codex it does mention that Slaanesh has a particular way of influencing the other chaos gods and that they are all weary of them given that they draw some strength from the extreme behaviours they promote in their followers and are subject to themselves.'')

Slaanesh is also associated with the arts and creativity, as creativity means pursuing one's own personal desires. Self-indulgence and personal expression are the bedrock of the arts, after all. Those attracted to Slaanesh could theoretically be more than just aristocratic ravers, but also particularly eccentric artists, writers, etc. Slaanesh is Sex, Drugs, and Pop music in the purest sense of the word; not just the orgy after the concert, but the brilliant concert that caused the orgy to begin with. One could assume that, in order to prevent Slaanesh's influence from spreading, the Imperium of Man would censor not just content but style. A radically structured poem, a painting with hints of sexual content, even a deviation from traditional chord structures would presumably bring the Inquisition to your doorstep.

That Being said. It is still Despised By all of the other entities of the warp. For various reasons, some stupid, some incredibly Valid. The most important one however is that not a single being in the galaxy can exhibit mastery over there gods chosen dominion because it Gains power from this rather than their chosen chaos God. it was born lucky this way, And for that reason (among others)it is the envy of many.

If Slaanesh had a voice actor, it would be [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc80tFJpTuo Tim Curry] and/or Tilda Swinton.

==What? Warhammer?==
[[File:Slaanesh Old.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The first depiction of Slaanesh in Warhammer art.]]
In the new [[Age of Sigmar]] setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the [[Horned Rat]]. Derp. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIMg2Xw4_8s While it was thought Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul], this is revealed to be mostly true. There was speculation that Slaanesh has been removed as an active part of Age of Sigmar in some attempt by [[Games Workshop]] to make the game more accessible to children. [[Derp|Somehow, they failed to take into account that an incredibly grimdark game with very complicated rules and such a high price of entry isn't going to be popular among kiddies anyways]]. They may be doing this so parents won't be put off by the game and be willing to buy it for their children and to get past the media watchdogs to make the game more mainstream; but that most likely won't work [[Games Workshop|due to reasons discussed on GW's page here]].
[[File:AoSBeholdSlaanesh.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Slaanesh imprisoned: Unable to decide which dildo to use first, Slaanesh is effectively neutralized! Ingenious! (Also, to answer the question you never asked, Slaanesh is not circumcised. Seriously, take a close look at where those chains pierce)]]

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. With Slaanesh missing, his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh (the refer to themselves as Seekers), those who are trying to claim their former master's position (they are referred to as Pretenders and consists of every Chaos Lord and Keeper of Secrets that wants to claim their former masters position as the new god of depravity) and those who have continued to be allied to Archaon in his wars against the Mortal Realms (who are referred to as Invaders). This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order; it is mostly being led by Slaanesh's greater daemons who lead Slaanesh's demonic and mortal followers but some have actually looked to venerating Archaon as their replacement deity.

With the release of the Daughter of Khaine battletome it's revealed that Slaanesh have been trapped in the void space between Ulgu (Realm of Shadows) and Hysh (Realm of Light) by the collective work of [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]], now gods of the Hysh, [[Malekith|Malerion]], god of Shadow, and [[Morathi]]. There the elf gods are slowly taking back the elf souls the Chaos god had devoured after the End Times, reforging them to their liking, while Slaanesh is trapped in a position that will make it impossible for him to escape. That is, unless Morathi cast a spell to get more souls than it was initially planned for her to receive, a spell that would weaken the chains that are keeping Slaanesh trapped, which of course she did. Now Slaanesh is ever so slowly getting further from Hysh and closer to Ulgu, which enabled Slaanesh's followers to learn where he was. The only things standing in their way are the fact that they can't reach Slaanesh's prison, the elf gods and their forces. Even then, Slaanesh might eventually be able to free itself.

With the announcement of Realm of Chaos: Wrath and Rapture, it appears GW is ready to bring Slaanesh back to the 40k and AoS universes, along with a (daemonic) host of new models. And this did come to pass... Though it isn't as grand as many would have hoped. It has been revealed that the 66 chains holding Slaanesh (real subtle, GW) can be broken by certain depraved or powerful acts, ie, an excess of anger from Khorne, or a Stormhost turning on the people they protect (which did happen and was engineered by Slaanesh taking a leaf from Tzeentch's book). Having broken a handful of the chains Slaanesh cast illusions to prevent the elves from discovering this, and if the majority of chains get shattered Slaanesh will be strong enough to break the rest. If Slaanesh ever did escape, he would immediately try and engulf all of Ulgu and Hysh, securing two whole realms and thereby winning the great game though Khorne would object violently, as would Archaon. However, Archaon still needed Slaanesh and was actively tracking down the trapped god. Archaon eventually succeeded at finding Slaanesh and started working to free him, though Slannesh's sass vexed Archaon. It would've worked eventually, but Archaon had a vision of the Nighthaunt and Bonereapers taking the Shyish realmgate and attacking the Varanspire. Though Archaon was pissed, since he knew the aelf gods would move Slaanesh's prison and tighten security after this, he abandoned Slaanesh and went back to the Allpoints.

== Followers ==
[[File:Slaanesh Banners.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Slaaneshi banners.]]
Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become [[Chris-Chan|colossal perverts]]; alternatively, she may attract followers from those who are already [[Ultramarines|colossal perverts]], and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. [[Just as planned]].

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and give them everything they could ever want because she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of his hatred for it. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the ''best'', gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, [[/v/|that perfect 360 noscope,]] to [[powergamer|hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be]], or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi...even if they don’t want to be. If the thrill lies in just killing people-- the pure joy of murder-- and the skill is just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing, even pain. See the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. [[Troll|They also get off on the reactions they get from others]]- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men. These are things that Khorne can’t stand, because No one truly deserves the punishments that the followers hand out to their victims, Khorne has standards. it takes them throws them out the window follows them out the window and murderfucks them With its arms pumping wildly. Everything that Khorne preaches Slannesh ruins.

When things come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being a silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here the difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, usually through charismatic speeches and the like, while Tzeenchians often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in a process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions, for which they'd use the exchange of favors, blackmail, and other such forms of social politicking. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more [[Heresy|literal]] in Slaanesh's case. However tzeentch Has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming, slaanesh still wins, And it didn’t do anything have that bonus. It was just born lucky. So tzeentch hates it too.

Apart from [[AIDS|the obvious]], Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction. There was the matter of the [[Isha|qt Eldar waifu]] Slaanesh wanted to keep for [[/d/|some]] [[rape|after-party]] [[FATAL|entertainment]], but since Nurgle is a fa/tg/uy at heart he couldn't resist claiming the elf waifu for himself. <s>But they're mostly over that</s> Slaanesh is over it, nurgle is not. Otherwise, their domains are just too different that they don't overlap all that much. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration. That being said nurgle is still not fond of it. Mainly Due to the aforementioned due to the aforementioned qt eldar waifu, slaanesh’s tendency to cause species to overprocreate, and because he hates hermaphrodites...They are the one thing he cannot stand.

[[File:Slaaneshi Forces.JPG|thumb|right|500px|Slaaneshi forces in their realm.]]

Slaanesh units are:
* '''[[Daemonettes]]''', hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use [[Raging Heroes|proxies]] randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as she contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
* '''[[Seekers of Slaanesh]]''', Daemonettes mounted upon [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor [[dinosaur]]; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
* '''[[Fiends of Slaanesh]]''', large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
* '''[[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky [[tarpit]] removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least [[Distraction Carnifex|target mitigation]] to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded [[Tau|fire warriors]] or some [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Spearmen]] can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
* '''[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally [[/d/|dripping]] with excitement at being in battle.
* '''[[Warriors of Chaos]]''', not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the [[Warp Gates]] they are, the more like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
* '''[[Beastmen]]''', the rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
* '''[[Keepers Of Secrets]]''', Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, each is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless lead by a...
* '''[[Daemon Prince]]''', a human (with [[Dechala|one Elf]] as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in her service.

=== 40k ===
* '''[[Chaos Space Marines]]''', the traitor marines of the [[Emperor's Children|third legion]] worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
** '''[[Noise Marines]]''', the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's [[Berserkers]], Nurgle's [[Plague Marines]] or Tzeentch's [[Thousand Sons]]. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using [[Sonic Weaponry]] because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berghain Can be found IRL also.]

=== Fantasy ===
* '''[[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Druchii]]''', the Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Cult Of Pleasure]]. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen [[Morathi]] being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her [[Malekith|son]] and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of [[Khaine]], Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept [[Harpies|her own]] as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of [[Atharti]], [[Hekarti]], and [[Ereth Khial]], three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave who's skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.

==Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k==
With the release of "Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider" we now have daemons of Slaanesh making an appearance during the [[War in Heaven]]? Now this could be just a case of timey wimey Warp shenanigans but it could also be an indication of something else! What if Slaanesh's "birth" was actually more akin to a rebirth of something far older; the original sin if you were.

It is known that even before the Fall agents of Slaanesh were already at large in the galaxy and actively seeking to bring it into being. If Slaanesh did indeed have a presence all the way back in the War in Heaven then perhaps it has always been there, seeking a way to return, as opposed to beginning to gestate within the Empyrean during the conflict itself.

Slaanesh isn't all about sex, [[Drug|drugs]] and more sex, but actually fits all of the seven deadly sins rather well: [[/d/|Lust]], [[RAGE|Wrath]], [[Blood Ravens|Greed]], [[Perturabo|Envy]], [[Giles|Gluttony]], [[Lazy Marines|Sloth]] and [[Cato Sicarius|Pride]] all fall under Slaanesh's domain; each of which play key roles in the other God's spheres of influence also. Of course these are taken to their extremes, as is Slaanesh's trade mark, but even the other Chaos Gods are extremes in their own way, and though they are all placed above the Dark Prince in terms of power they all may "fear" the influence that Slaanesh has the potential to hold over them and are very wary that the Dark Prince may eventually eclipse them all in power.

The War in Heaven is essentially the event(s) that created "Hell" in 40k as many races with a presence in the warp fought and died in the conflict, so it makes sense that there must have been an "original Satan"-like figure as well. Of course, this could be looking too much into this and talking out of our collective arse, but what with Slaanesh in [[Age of Sigmar]] no longer being counted amongst the Four, it opens up a lot of possibilities for when the Dark Prince does eventually return.

==The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh==

(AKA [[Kaldor Draigo]] becomes a sleeper agent. Probably. Other things are possible, but this would slap down the Mary Sue, so really, why argue?)

While the other Chaos Gods rarely welcome intruders to their lands within the immaterium, Slaanesh loves to tempt visitors to his unnatural domain, and those that dare enter the Lord of Pleasure's territory risk becoming trapped in its warped delights for eternity.

Slaanesh's realm is divided into six domains, arranged in concentric rings about the Palace of Pleasure. Each of these is a celebration of Slaanesh's desires, and while they might be mistaken for paradises, nothing in the lands of the Dark Prince is as it seems. An intruder can only reach the Palace of Pleasure, in the very heart of Slaanesh's territory, by passing through all six of the circles-an act of will beyond most souls, both mortal and demonic. One amongst the mortal visitors to his realm still looms large in the memory of Slaanesh, however-a wandering knight of the Adeptus Astartes whose resolve was as strong as silvered adamantium.

The first circle the knight pushed through was richly appointed beyond the dreams of kings. Mountains of stacked gold reached towards rainbow mosaics of gemstones in the marble vaults high above, glittering ingots and diamonds beyond count littered the ground. The knight marched past plenty a starving wretch attempting to count the innumerable gold coins. Their sallow faces twisted with mounting greed until their piles toppled, and, weeping, they had to start over again. At every corner of the crossroads stood gilded statues, some of beautiful Slaanesh, others of Daemons and mortals trapped in blissful ecstasy. The trails in the diamond dust underfoot betrayed the fact that the statues were once flesh and blood. The knight had left notions of material wealth long behind, and he strode on without touching a single coin.

Crunching his way across a beach of golden teeth, the knight came to the shores of a vast lake of dark wine. The lake was dotted with pallid islands formed from the backs of giants, each linked by criss-crossing bridges. The backward hands of each giant held up a table that groaned under the weight of a lavish feast. There, he saw mortal men gorging themselves on the banquet, wide-eyed and desperate in their hunger as others frantically tried to gulp down the lake itself. The bloated and the obese moaned in pain as they crammed ever more food into their wine stained mouths. The knight pressed on, distaste twisting his features as he passed the grisly remains of those who had consumed so much that they had physically burst apart.

The wanderer made his way through fields of golden light and soft hay, where lissom maidens and beautiful youths frolicked near-naked in the hallucinogenic musk of the lithe beasts that cavorted with them. The faces and fertile forms of the dancers were impossibly sensual, moulded to the perfect desire of the heart. The knight held his breath and closed his eyes, for though mortal pleasures were forbidden to his order, part of him was still a man. The crooning nymphs gathered around the knight, stroking his silvered armour and whispering of the sweet, carnal pleasures they would give him, but he yielded not. The severed limbs and heads that lay underfoot spoke of the truth behind the honeyed lies. Eyes shut, he cut down the daemonette seductresses around him one after another, letting revulsion guide his shining blade.

After fighting his way through the feminine contours of the foothills ahead, the knight emerged onto a balcony where he was greeted by roars of adulation and approval. An army of Space Marines so vast its number was beyond counting awaited before him on an endless plain, listening in fevered anticipation of his commands for conquest. Planetary governors nodded in obsequious anticipation, and the High Lords of Terra smiled up at him from smaller balconies of their own, motioning him to speak. The knight recognised one of the rulers from his own mortal life, and stood before him, looking deep into the Philosopher-King's eyes. Behind the mask of power and self-assurance, he saw eternal, nagging paranoia, gnawing suspicion and hidden doubts that were acid to the soul. The knight shook his head sadly and walked away.

Wearied by his ordeals, the wanderer strode on through a mesmerising woodland paradise, its maze of pathways thick with flowers and heavy with thorns. The gentle, fragrant breeze whispered to the knight of past glories, reminding him of the executions he had performed in the Emperor's name. Mirrored pools reflected the knight as a shining saint, his face serene but his sword bloodied as he artfully carved apart rank after rank of red-skinned Daemons. The warrior turned away, troubled. In the distance, he could make out tortured figures staring intently into mirror pools of their own, each held immobile by the undergrowth as whispering thorns insinuated themselves into their flesh. The wanderer turned his mind to the humility of the cell he once called home. As he did so, the path through the maze writhed and straightened out before him. So the knight trudged on.

An endless beach stretched away from the knight, and heavenly choirs sung soothing lullabies as the perfumed sea lapped at the fortress walls of his mind. The wanderer's bones cried out for rest, even if only for a moment. The warmth of the golden sun above calmed his soul, and the tide began to erode his will. His tired eyes could barely stay open. But his vision was still clear enough to see the horrible truth. The bone-white sand was made from the remains of those who had rested here and fallen into a coma of blissful indolence. His resolve hardened, the knight strode on toward the shimmering palace in the distance.

It was there, beneath the elegant spires, that the wanderer came before almighty Slaanesh. Statuesque and divinely glamorous, the deity visited him in the form of a young man possessed of an androgynous beauty-clean limbed and fresh with the vigour of youth. The knight unsheathed his rune-etched sword and made to strike him down. To his horror, he found that he could not, for the god-prince was disarming in his innocence and utterly beguiling in his manner.

Even the purest flame can be extinguished by the tide. In that single moment of doubt, the wanderer was lost. He knelt, bowing his head at last, and a single touch of the being's glowing sceptre on each shoulder sealed his fate for eternity.

== Facts ==
[[File:Nope.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?]]
* [[Ynnead]] is secretly Slaanesh
*[[Sanguinius]] is jealous of Slaanesh because they are the only one more fabulous than hi-{{BLAM}}
* Slaanesh wants to fuck the Emperor, but every time they try, the Big E psychically bitch-slaps them, destroys all their sex toys and sex slaves and breaks their hands so they can't fap for a while.
* Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
** Slaanesh is dyslexic.
***Slaanesh also knows that you can't spell dyslexic without sex
* The title of Slaanesh's greatest mortal champion is owned by Shädman''(ayyyyy)''
* Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how their only representation in the DoW series was the [[Emperor's Children]] paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, their did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones. (And their colours aren't even correct.)
**However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still <s>pissed off of not getting enough representation</s> OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while they only get a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
* Charlie Sheen is their first true Daemon Prince (though he was recently diagnosed with HIV which resulted from his sexcapades, so looks like he could swing towards [[Nurgle]]. But just like [[Fulgrim]] his body probably needs to be destroyed first before he can ascend). It was nearly Malcolm Mcdowell, on account of Mcdowell's filmography including two of Slaanesh's favorite films (see below) and Mcdowell's hedonistic younger years; before Charlie had even reached puberty, Mcdowell was already far into sex and drugs both in his films and real-life. But as he got older, Mcdowell turned away from hedonism and cleaned himself up. Other contenders include Gene Simmons and Tila Tequila.
* Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
* If it exists, [[PROMOTIONS|Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it]].
* Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne to get his daily dose of lulz. Slaanesh always loses these fights pretty badly; and each time, Slaanesh takes it pretty hard. [[C.S.Goto|And this pleases them.]]
* Slaanesh is secretly depressed that have no friends. Khorne is a dick, and Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is. Nurgle is nice, but Slaanesh can't get over the fact that he cucked them. ("Can't get over it" in both a [[PROMOTIONS|positive]] and [[RAGE|negative]] sense.)
** Also, Nurgle has ''all'' the STDs, which would make him Slaanesh's natural enemy out in the wild. Isha's immunity to all diseases is better than any protection, which is a pretty substantial reason why Slaanesh liked her.
* Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where they being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods.
* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string them along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
* Khorne [[Rip and Tear|regularly tears off Slaanesh's arms]] and beats them over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
* Slaanesh was doping when they killed the Eldar Gods, they couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs. (at least that what Khaine, a god of war and destruction, keeps insisting when ever someone asks him why he got both figuratively and possibly literally raped by a god(ess) of sex drugs and rock'n'roll)
** Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
* Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, they got their left boob cut off for their trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six). Given the new backstory and their time of birth, this means that Slaanesh lost against a Necron Pokémon.
* Slaanesh is a great patron of the arts. Their favourite films include:
** Hellraiser: Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, they took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... <strike>That is, of course, a lie. They actually ripped off Hellraiser.</strike> Hellraiser ripped them off. Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
** A Serbian Film: Slaanesh's second favorite movie. They already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
** Pink Flamingos: Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's journal. Slaanesh especially enjoyed the depictions of their hobbies (including bestiality, scat fetishes and vore), that the movie quotes them directly (see Divine's quote above).
** A Clockwork Orange: One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. (Although Slaanesh faps/shlicks to commentaries on morality too.) They like to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. They also find the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. '''BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!!''' Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!].
** The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
** Legend: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3J91bPrW9A Also because of Tim Curry, who practically plays a daemon prince of Slaanesh].
** Caligula: The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm Mcdowell as the title character. Slaanesh's favorite scenes are when Caligula engages in an incestuous threesome with his sister and his fiance, and the giant orgies on stage (don't watch the latter if you have a weak stomach - there's a real snake in one scene and [[FATAL|you don't want to know what the woman does with it]]).
** Eyes Wide Shut. Slaanesh has heard the film described as "Just Artsy Porn", but doesn't get the criticism. It's Art and it's Porn. What's not to love?
** Event Horizon: A documentary of how he/she/it is directly responsible for fucking up humanity's first venture into the Warp.
** High Rise: Some say it holds the essence of the one time Slaaneshi and Khaine got jiggy with it.
** Salo or 120 days of Sodom: Slaanesh liked it better when they thought it was real and not just special effects.
** The Stuff: A movie about the time some railroad workers found lakes of Slaanesh's jizz at a quarry and marketed it as dessert food due to its properties, leading to numerous shenanigans and giving Slaanesh much lulz that they never learned where it came from.
* Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
* Slaanesh's favorite band is GWAR, because everything with them is sex, drugs, and rock and roll in excess, even covering their audience in jizz, blood, random chemicals, and mixtures of all three, and inciting massive blood orgies constantly.
* Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams is also suspected to be one of the early influences of Slaanesh in human music culture, the singer suspected to be one of his/her/its avatars.
* Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, as well as all the dick, cloca, ovipositor, stamen, pistil, and pilus.
* Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
* Slaanesh found Captain Flashheart so magnificent in Blackadder that they created a daemon prince in his image. Woof woof!
* Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really [[cheese|cheesy]] ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
*Slaanesh is the only entity in existence who listens to the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast purely for erotic purposes. He/she/it cannot understand for the life of him/her/it why no one else finds cervix-grabbing sexy.
** Still, ]they fap/shlick/???-PROFIT at this.
*Mentioning the names of Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn gives Slaanesh a massive boner/lady-boner. Though Slaanesh didn't have a hand in inventing the internet, three guesses why Slaanesh loves the internet, and the first two don't count. Mentioning Hugh Hefner also has a similar effect.
* As a patron of the arts, Slaanesh has many favorite authors, so can't pick one. Having said that, Marquis de Sade is a strong contender.
* Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
** Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
**Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
** Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
**Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
*Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience.
*Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking. '''{{Blam|DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!}}'''
**Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.]]
* Slaanesh secretly wants Khorne. S/he's upset that the 'Special K' hates her/him/it.
**However, if Slaanesh ever did create a copy of him/her/their/itself, then the two would immediately try to murderfuck each other, in a kinky simulacrum of Highlander. This would apply to all of the main ruinous powers, <s>apart from</s> including Nurgle, <s>who would simply hug his</s> whose female double <s>and then get to work with said double on a particularly virulent strain of super aids/crotch rot.</s> would get jealous of Isha and conspire with Slaanesh to get rid of that home-wrecking skank.
*Slaanesh is the patron <s>god</s> <s>goddess</s> deity of bonobos (look them up).
*Slaanesh's ''only'' criticism of the Cats movie is that there are no visible genitals.
* Slaanesh #fuckedPalpatine.

== Gallery ==
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<gallery>
Image:Slaaneshfaggot.jpeg|A real-life worshipper of Slaanesh.
Image:Slaaneshi.JPG|Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|That's a real [[commissar]], just look at the [[hat]].
Image:Daemonette02.JPG|DDaemonette
Image:Daemonette01.JPG|It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

Image:Daemonette.JPG
Image:Slaaneshi2.JPG|Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Image:Daemonxmas copy.jpg|Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Image:Lurvemudkipz.JPG|Evidence that it is possible that some [[pokémon]] are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

Image:Slaaneshi mudkips.JPG|Oh god. ;_;
Image:Slaanesh trainer.jpg|There is no excuse or explanation for this.
Image:Slaaneshijack copy.jpg|This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Image:Irresistible.jpg|Simply Irresistible

Image:Dranon5.jpg|Mr Culexus' interpretation of Slaanesh. Notice the massive bulge in the crotch that's bigger than it's boobs.
Image:Not_too_abysmal_by_Mr_Culexus.jpg|Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
Image:1271157389405.jpg|What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Image:daemonette_minerva.png|Who else did you think furries worshiped?

Image:Slaanesh_LAWL.jpg|LAWL
Image:Trapmarine.jpg|Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
Image:Trapmarine_BW.jpg|... which may not be so "little".
Image:Daemonette_with_seeker_mount.jpg|She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me. Although for your sake you really should take my word for it.

Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|The more common and usual fate of Eldar.
Image:Slaanesh cosplay 1 by zk87-d2zo47q.jpg|Now 262.71% more real!
Image:Slaanesh Time.jpg|You might be mixing up love and lust.
Image:Slaanesh_miniature_closeup.jpg|Gimme some sugar

Image:Slaanesh+hr giger.jpg|H. R. Geiger is pleased
Image:Slaanesh by zk87-d2z4bpv.jpg|Lashes of Torment!
Image:Slaanesh-153102-SweetAngel.jpg|She Who Thirsts indeed
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated]

Image:Dark_Prince_of_Pleasure_Slaanesh_wfrp.jpg|From the old [[WFRP]] days
Image:MoeSlaanesh.png|How can anyone not want to serve something so utterly <s>adorable</s> heretical?
Image:1419021850273.jpg|Yes, that is a Santa outfit.
Image:Anons_fall_to_Chaos.png|Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
Image:Champion of Slaanesh RL.png| We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
Image:HereticalUseOfChainswords.gif| When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
Image:Cultist-chan24.jpg|Slaanesh has improved cultist chan
Image:Wildslaanesh.png|Slaanesh Demon corrupts children
Image:Slaanesh-sorcerer.jpeg|Slaanesh makes the Cenobites from Hellraiser look good.
</gallery>

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

==See Also==
*[[Azazel]] - The oldest existing [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[Dechala]] - The oldest existing Chaos Champion special character of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[The Masque]] - Slaanesh's former fav fab Daemonette stripper, and current PR rep.
*[[Sigvald]], Slaanesh's favorite not-Caligula/not-Joffrey.
*The [[Emperor's Children]] legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
*[[Fulgrim]] - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks ever.
*[[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bile]] - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played by geriatric [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane_%28wrestler%29 Glenn Jacobs] instead of young Tim Curry.
*[[Lucius]] - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
*[[Doomrider]] - He does COCAINE!
*[[Miriael Sabathiel]] - The most infamous [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] to fall to Slaanesh. Commonly mistaken as the ''only'' Chaos Sister of Battle by people who haven't read [[Ephrael Stern|Daemonifuge]]. Last seen hunting Eldar to give them [[Rape|hugs]].
*[[Codex - Fallen Sororitas]] - An entire homebrew army of Slaaneshi Sisters of Battle.
*[[Daemonette]] - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
*[[Reasonable Daemonette]] - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
*[[Loli D]] - The [[loli]] variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is [[Extra Heresy|extra heretical]]. E-Commissars can and will [[Exterminatus|blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice]] if you click on this link.
*[http://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Slaanesh's_sacrifice.pdf Slaanesh's Sacrifice] - Some Slaaneshi writefaggotry for the more heretical among you.
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRPIsrxUc_E Rick and Morty's visit to the Realm of Slaanesh]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-gHgcmFB6Q Slaanesh's visit to the Realm of Rick and Morty]
*[https://pastebin.com/5QZMB7nH Excessively Vanilla] - AKA the '''one''' time Slaanesh goes full-on vanilla, including actual marriage, handholding, and under the cover missionary sex for the sole purpose of procreation
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[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category:Hedonites of Slaanesh]]