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Sanguinius

2017-08-10T07:21:58Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

''A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.'' 
-Joseph Campbell

''Angels are bright still, though the brightest fell.'' 
- William Shakespeare

''My good blade carves the casques of men,'' 
''My tough lance thrusteth sure,'' 
''My strength is as the strength of ten,'' 
''Because my heart is pure.'' 
- Sir Galahad, Tennyson

''Blade with whom I have lived, blade with whom I now die,'' 
''serve right and justice one last time, seek one last heart of evil,'' 
''still one last life of pain. Cut well, old friend, and then farewell.'' 
- Sir Orin Neville Smythe

[[File:Sanguinius by noldofinve-d4xpxx5-5157.jpg|thumbnail|right|400px|Look, if I HAD to bang a dude...just sayin'...]]
'''Sanguinius''' (also known as '''Papa Sang''', '''Definitely Not Led Zeppelin's Robert Plant''' and '''Primarch Fabulous''') was (and that 'was' is quite significant) the [[Primarch]] of the [[Blood Angels]] [[Space Marine]] [[Chapter]]. He was notable for the fuckhueg angel-like wings that mutated out of his back during his childhood on his home planet, [[Baal]], as well as his heroic deeds during the [[Great Crusade]]. Unfortunately, Sanguinius was slain by [[Horus]] during his eponymous [[Horus Heresy|Heresy]], though it is widely believed that it was Sanguinius' weakening of the Arch-Traitor which made it possible for the [[Emperor]] to shut Horus's big, stupid, [[heresy]]-spewing mouth once and for all, and thus save mankind from the clutches of [[Chaos]].

==Origins==

Like the rest of the Primarchs, Sanguinius was bio-engineered on [[Terra]] to serve as a general in the [[Emperor]]'s armies, and was stolen in his infancy and carried away across the galaxy by daemonic agents of [[Chaos]] in an attempt to foil the Emperor's efforts to unite humanity. Landing on [[Baal]], he was found by the Folk of the Blood, a local tribe who raised him to manhood. They were going to kill him for being a mutant, but when it became clear that Sanguinius was a badass warrior-prodigy the likes of which they'd never seen, they decided he was worth keeping. After all, Sanguinius was actually a pretty nice guy for [[Warhammer 40,000|40k]], and he was pretty handy at fighting off those other mutants that kept attacking them from Baal's radioactive deserts, which he could walk through without any protection. As such, Sanguinius quickly ascended as a leader among the tribes of Baal and drove back the hordes of mutants threatening their hold on the world, eventually attaining a near god-like status among the planet's denizens.

After the Emperor found Baal and bade Sanguinius to assume his rightful place among his armies, Sanguinius wept a single tear of joy because he's "manly" enough to be in touch with his feelings, and bowed before teh Emprah. (Of the [[canon|canonical]] Space Marines, his chapter is to this day one of the most batshit-loyal to the Emperor.) The greatest of Sanguinius' tribal warriors were extended the honor of joining the [[Space Marines|Adeptus Astartes]], and were thereafter implanted with the gene-seed drawn from Sanguinius' genome. These men became the first members of the ninth Space Marine legion to be founded, and the [[Blood Angels]] were born.

==The Great Crusade==

[[File:7d9a85e6e4a368bb435e943fc891a25b.jpg|thumbnail|right|250px|Sanguinius (left) and Horus whooping some ass together before [[Erebus|SOMEBODY]] had to go and damn the Imperium to an eternity of [[Grimdark|war, cultural stagnation, paranoia and self destructive behaviour]].]]

Joining the [[Great Crusade]], Sanguinius became best buds with fellow Primarchs [[Horus]], [[Roboute Guilliman]], and [[Rogal Dorn]]. Ironically (and later, tragically), his friendship with Horus is said to have been closer than that of any of the other Primarchs. Which, this being Warhammer, went straight to hell when the [[Horus Heresy]] started. He was easily the most [[Pretty Marines|fabulous]] of all the Emperor's generals; he wore a glowing, ornate set of golden artificer armor adorned with huge rubies which represented Terra, Baal, and Baal's moons, and his magnificent white wings would spread behind him as he took to the skies of the battlefield. At the same time, he gave the impression that he'd be happy to cast off his finery, whereas Fulgrim would rather die. Basically, in Sanguinius' case, [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] abandoned all pretense of being subtle about the whole "the Emperor is God, the primarchs are the archangels, and Horus is Lucifer" thing—like, to the point that Sanguinius became known simply as "The Angel" among the armies of mankind.

Though not first in favor among the Emprah's Primarchs (that position belonged to Horus, pre-heresy), [[Magnus the Red|or the biggest psychic powerhouse]], [[Roboute Guilliman|or the best at empire-building]], [[Lorgar|or even the one who looked most like Dad]], Sanguinius was said to have the best ''blend'' of the Big E's attributes (which, if you consider the fact that space marines are a toned-down version of their primarchs, The Blood Angels can be argued as being the closest to the Emperor). And while a lot of the Space Marine legions and their generals fought in the Great Crusade just for the sake of glory and a good battle, Sanguinius and his Blood Angels fought for what the Emperor himself did: [[Noblebright|a better galaxy, a peaceful galaxy, one where humanity would be united, happy, and prosperous]]. During the Crusade, the Blood Angels formed a friendly rivalry with the [[World Eaters]] legion (yet another relationship the Horus Heresy would royally buttfuck), because both were noted for being assault-oriented shock troops; however, while the World Eaters were straight-up lunatics in combat, the Blood Angels' ferocity was mitigated when it needed to be by Sanguinius' wisdom.

Also everyone loved the guy. Literally, even at the depths of his heresy Horus wished Sanguinius was one of his generals. [[meme|And he was a good guy who doesn't afraid of anything]].

===Signus Prime and Ka'Bandha===

[[Image:Signusianclash.jpg|thumb|left|400px|''"[[Awesome|If you truly do hail from the realm that men once called hell, when you return there, tell your kindred it was Sanguinius who threw you back.]]"'' —Sanguinius, taking a small moment to deliver this line after decapitating a [[Keeper of Secrets]] and [[rip and tear|"relieving"]] [[Khorne]]'s mightiest servant of his wings, and just generally setting the stage for Ka'Bandha's future [[butthurt]].]]

At one point during the Great Crusade, Sanguinius and the Blood Angels were tasked by Warmaster Horus with reclaiming the Signus Cluster from a supposed [[xenos]] infestation and liberating the humans there from their oppressors. However, when they arrived, they found that the entire system had been consumed by the evil influence of the [[Chaos Gods]], and specifically a [[Keeper of Secrets]] calling itself Kyriss the Perverse. (This was actually a trap set by Horus in an attempt to eliminate Sanguinius early on because he feared him more than any of his other fellow Primarchs. What a pussy.) Long story short, the Blood Angels were stranded in-system, caught off guard and lost a lot of Marines, ships & crew, but eventually regrouped and conquered the armies of cultists and Chaos [[daemons]] in the Signus system. Kyriss even manifested on the bridge of the Red Tear, Blood Angels flagship, from the frames of eight servitors to taunt Sanguinius.

But a greater threat soon emerged: Ka'bandha, a powerful [[Bloodthirster]] and one of [[Khorne]]'s greatest servants. He attacked the Blood Angels while taunting Sanguinius in the middle of the battle and claimed that Horus had betrayed him. Refusing to believe this, Sanguinius attacked in rage, and managed to stab his sword right into the daemon's chest and wound him severely. Ka'bandha roared in pain and lashed out with his whip, ensnaring Sanguinius' legs and crushing them. Then, leaving Sanguinius alive for [[Plot armor|some reason]], Ka'Bandha charged off to slay a few hundred Blood Angels. The Red Thirst, already a problem for the Blood Angels, was exacerbated by the psychic shockwaves of each of his sons dying, and Sanguinius vowed that he would take vengeance on Ka'bandha for this atrocity. In the Chaos temple at the centre of the battle, Sanguinius duelled Ka'Bandha again, ripping off a wing and then throwing him off a platform and back through a portal into the realm of Chaos. To top it off, Sanguinius then faced Kyriss and beheaded that sick fuck, promptly ending his rule.

===During the later Horus Heresy===

After Signus Prime, the majority of the Blood Angels found themselves on the wrong side of the Ruinstorm. Drawn to Macragge by the Pharos, Sanguinius learned that his brothers Guilliman and the Lion were trying to set the beginnings of a second Imperium. Sanguinius reluctantly accepted the premise, and was instated as Emperor of Imperium Secundus. Being Emperor didn't sit easily with him and much of the day to day ruling was done by Guilliman and the Lion. After Kurze paid him a nasty visit / scrying competition, the Angel demanded more oversight into the affairs of the new Empire. When Kurze was finally captured, all three members of the Imperial Triumvirate realised that Terra had not yet fallen, but that Sanguinius would be doomed to die by Horus's hand.

Along with the [[Imperial Fists]] and the [[White Scars]], the Blood Angels were able to somehow make it back to [[Terra]] in the closing days of the Horus Heresy to defend it from the traitor legions and their daemonic allies. Sanguinius and his legion led the defense of the Imperial Palace itself when the forces of Chaos closed in around it, and the Primarch slew innumerable daemons, traitors and other assorted scum in the process. Fortunately for Sanguinius, Ka'Bandha also turned up during the battle, and the two went at it again rather majestically atop the Eternity Gate to the Emperor's throne room. Not to be beaten again, Sanguinius managed to [[Awesome|SNAP KA'BANDHA'S SPINE OVER HIS MOTHERFUCKING KNEE]] and hurled the bastard's corpse back into the throng of Chaos filth below, and the Blood Angels who had died by the Bloodthirster's hand were thus avenged in the most spectacularly badass of ways.

[[File:Horus vs The Emperor.jpg|thumbnail|right|300px|Unfortunately, this is the image most people know Sanguinius from. (He's the fabulous dead guy lying on the floor.) This also is the least fabulous image of him.]]

But this is Warhammer 40,000, and [[noblebright]] doesn't last very long against [[grimdark]], even when it's badass noblebright. Eventually, the Big E himself, along with Sanguinius, [[Rogal Dorn]], Rogal Dorn's non-existent mustache, and a contingent of their respective Marines, launched a last-ditch assault against Horus, teleporting aboard his [[Battle Barge|battle barge]] and taking the fight to the Warmaster himself. As fighting broke out across the capital ship, Sanguinius got sequestered from the rest of the assault party ([[Tzeentch|THANKS OBAMA!]]), and when he found Horus, he was alone. Horus, perhaps out of some small, lingering sense of brotherhood with Sanguinius, offered his former friend, for the final time, a chance to turn to Chaos. But Sanguinius said '''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEhDjz0WAZs"NEVAH!"]''' and the two Primarchs proceeded to battle for the fate of mankind. Though Sanguinius was one of the most powerful of the Primarchs, he was wounded and wearied from the fight on Terra and already at a disadvantage, and Horus had been granted terrible power by the gods of Chaos to boot. Horus therefore slew Sanguinius so hard that it psychically traumatized the Blood Angels for ages to come, and the [[Black Rage]] became the ([[Mephiston|almost]]) inescapable mental scourge it is on the chapter today.

The Angel had in truth already foreseen his death at the hands of Horus, and knew what it would mean for his sons. However, he accepted that his sacrifice was necessary to preserve his father's works in the long run and took solaxe in the fact that the Blood Angels would continue to follow in his footsteps.

==Legacy==

Although Sanguinius lost to Horus, it is widely believed that the Emperor would not have been able to destroy Horus afterwards were it not for the chink that Sanguinius put in Horus' armour. And it is also widely agreed that if Horus hadn't come to save his legion's ass that day on Terra, it would have been ground out of existence by Sanguinius and the Blood Angels. Lastly, it is also agreed that Sanguinius was tired after several days of fighting (he defied fucking [[Angron]] on the battlements!), and if he had been totally refreshed, Horus would have had a lot more than just a chink in his armour. However, in the Horus Heresy Collected Visions, it details the battle between the Emperor and Horus, and makes it clear that the main reason Big E didn't kill him immediately is because he thought he might be able to save him…a hope which was dashed as soon as he saw Sanguinius' body. However, in Visions of Heresy, Big E still held back, even after seeing Sanguinius' body. It wasn't until the Emperor was mortally wounded on the floor that this changed. It says that as he's lying, waiting for the final blow, [[Ollanius Pius|a certain adamantium-balled Imperial Guardsman]] (exemplifying everything it means to be one) appears and rushes toward him, Horus contemptuously kills the Guardsman without barely an effort, laughing maniacally as he did so. It was this utter contempt to taking a life which FINALLY made the Emperor realise there was no saving his son.

In short, if Horus is Lucifer and The Emprah is God, then Sanguinius is Jesus. Sanguinius died for your sins…just like Optimus Prime does on a daily basis.

Sanguinius also bears the distinction of being one of the few Primarchs (alongside Horus, [[Ferrus Manus]] and [[Roboute Guilliman]]) who were capable of lasting a little more than 3 seconds against [[Angron]], who had Sanguinus' strength but was much quicker to go all-out. It should also be noted, that unlike his brothers, who each embodied one of the Emperor's Traits ([[Roboute Guilliman]] was his strategy, [[Angron]] was his ferocity, etc.), Sanguinius was the embodiment of the Emperor as a Whole. So you could argue that the Blood Angels are the Astartes closest the Emperor (Suck it, ultrasmurfs).

In the 41st millennium, Sanguinius is the Primarch most beloved by the [[Imperium]] for his [[Dreadnought|heroic sacrifice]] (despite what [[Matt Ward|he who shall not be named]] would say about [[Roboute Guilliman|our Spiritual Liege]]), and is a hero of the Imperial Cult. Across the Imperium a celebration called the Sanguinala is held in his honor, where adepts wear the iconography of the Blood Angels. A festival dedicated to [[Leman Russ]] would have been a better party, but would also have involved more property damage and alcohol-related deaths.

The mysterious entity known as the [[Sanguinor]] is believed to be the incarnation of Sanguinius' better nature, or the first [[Sanguinary Guard]] Herald Azkaellon, miraculously preserved through time. Its actual origin, though, is far more mundane: when Sanguinius was named Emperor of [[Roboute Guilliman|Guilliman']]s [[Imperium Secundus]], he and Azkaellon invented the figure who could act as Sanguinius' public face and deal with petitioners, whilst Sanguinius himself could be elsewhere, you know...[[Get shit done|dealing with stuff]]. In modern 40k, outside of perhaps the Sanguinary Guard themselves, the only "living" person ''confirmed'' to know the truth is [[Lion El'Jonson|the Lion]], but he's in no position to tell anyone. But since nobody else in the 41st millennium is entirely certain of the truth, it's getting the [[Inquisition]]'s panties in a bunch. A good thing, too, since Sanguinius' original position of proxy-Emperor was a teensie bit [[Heresy|heretical]]. But whether or not the modern and original Sanguinor are the same person, something warpy had to happen since then, since the Sanguinor pops in and out of the immaterium, [[Legion of the Damned]] style.

It is a well-known fact that every female (human, xenos and daemonette) in the the whole grimdark galaxy wants Sanguinius sexually, including <s>[[Khorne]]</s> '''{{Blam|WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!}}''' and [[Slaanesh]]. Many [[Sisters of Battle|Sororitas]] (and some [[Space Marines|Astartes]]) cry themselves to sleep at the knowledge that they won't <s>[[Ultramarines|EVER]] [[Matt Ward|BE]] [[Ultramarines|ULTRAMARINES]]</s> ever be able to hold his beautiful golden mane as he slays their quivering love pudding with his mighty, throbbing and enormous power sword.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Heretic.png|Sanguinius gets the bitches. All of 'em. Every last one.
File:Sanginuscool.jpg|Is it time for Sanguinius to choke some bitches again? '''Hell yes baby'''. *Cue the complete, utter and total curbstomping of the mighty armies of Chaos.*
File:Astartesjealousy.jpg| Sanguinius: The most bishie of bishies.
File:Sanguinius by koowanchee-d484eu4.jpg|Don't you wish your Primarch was hot like me?
File:Fear to tread.jpg|Sanguinius, only slightly less fabulous than usual.
File:Sanguinius1.jpg|He's fabulous. Slaanesh wishes it could be that fabulous.
</gallery>

{{template:Primarchs}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Primarchs]][[Category:Space Marines]]

Blood Ravens

2016-12-29T06:58:27Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{Infobox Spess Mahreen Chapter
|Name = Blood Ravens
|Heraldry = [[Image:Bloodravenslogo.jpg|250px]]
|Battle Cry = Pre-Retribution: "Knowledge is power. Guard it well."; Post-Retribution: "None shall find us wanting."
|Number = Unknown
|Founding = Unknown
|Successors of = Heavily hinted to be [[Thousand Sons]]
|Successor Chapters = N/A
|Chapter Master = [[Gabriel Angelos]]
|Primarch = Unknown possibly [[Magnus the Red]]
|Homeworld = Fleet-based
|Specialty = [[Psyker]]s, collecting "lost" relics, plot armor,[[Reasonable Marines| Attacking in key positions]]
|Strength = Probably around 800
|Allegiance = [[Imperium of Man]]
|Colours = Red. Bone white pauldrons
}}
''"I am a thief of knowledge, and in a survival way, I had to solve all the problems around me."'' 
-Philippe Petit

''"Blood Ravens? Go lock the reliquary"'' 
-Calato, Deathwatch Champion, to a random Stormtrooper upon encountering a Blood Ravens force.

The '''Bluhd Rehvehns''' are one of the better-known background Chapters, primarily from their starring role in the [[Dawn of War]] game series. They have ''waaaaaaaay'' too many psykers and are obsessed with <s>stealing</s> finding lost relics, mostly because they don't know anything about their history. They have no records dating before the [[Age of Apostasy]]. This has led some to theorize that they are actually [[Traitor Legion Loyalists|loyalist descendants]] of the [[Thousand Sons]], which according to fluff, <s>may be canon</s> <s>it's not canon</s> is intentionally left in the grey area and even GW likes to tease us about this (like they did in the Prospero White Dwarf).

==History==
[[File:Indrick Boreale.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Indrick Baldeale, a Blud Rehvens Captain: Teh greahtehst hero of teh chaphter and mastur of STEEL REHN.]]
This chapter was specifically created by Relic and GW for the Dawn of War video games. This would remain their only claim to fame if Dawn of War hadn't spawned dozens of [[meme]]s. Perhaps the most famous example of these memes is the voice acting of the Captain Indrick Boreale, who is the origin of the terms [[Empra]] and [[Space Marine|Spehss mahreens]]. They are also infamous on /tg/ for losing half their chapter in a single campaign, also thanks to Brother-Captain Boreale, who refused to fuck off when [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] arrived. [[Davian Thule]] had the same thing happen when he [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1bHvuVe0xs refused orders to fuck off] from [[Governer-Militant Lukas Alexander]], but unlike Boreale, Thule actually won.

The Blood Ravens are also famous for their rav(en)ing kleptomania, discussed in greater depth below.

One of the few canonically confirmed, let alone interesting, things about their history is the possibility that they are descendants of a [[Thousand Sons]] schism cult. The short story "Rebirth" in ''Age of Darkness'' shows what might be the foundation of the Chapter, as hinted before in ''A Thousand Sons'' Horus Heresy book. That story shows that most of the Corvidae (as in the genus of birds to which the raven belongs) Fellowship of the Legion was sent away by [[Magnus]] during the Burning of [[Prospero]]. The leader of this Fellowship, Revuel '''Arvida''', has a name very similar to Azari'''ah Vidya''', the legendary hero of the Blood Ravens, who utters "Knowledge is Power, Guard It Well", the motto of the Blood Ravens. Additionally, they have an unusually high number of unusually powerful psykers, with two full squads of Librarians in the First Company and were (at least until the events of [[Dawn of War 2#Retribution|Retribution]]) lead by a combination of [[Chapter Master]]s and [[Librarian]]s. Finally, their obsession with lost knowledge and mystic relics mirrors pre-Heresy Thousand Sons. Hell, even their ''color scheme'' is suspiciously close to the one used by the pre-Heresy Thousand Sons. Also, if you want to read ''way'' too much into it, it should be noted that almost every other Traitor Legion has known, named Loyalist members, most of whom aided [[Malcador]] with the creation of the [[Inquisition]]... except the Thousand Sons and Night Lords (but they're a Chapter of psychics, not bloodthirsty butchers).

However, given the ambiguous and circumstantial nature of what little evidence exists, we may never know if this is true. For a time, there was a rumor of a Blood Ravens Codex produced by Games Workshop, which would probably expand on the theory. However, the codex never came out, the rumors quietly died out and do not look likely to be revived anytime soon.

The Blood Ravens have only two recorded mutations in their [[gene seed]]. The first one affects their Catalepsean Node, which grants them perfect memory but creates an inability to enter R.E.M sleep, forcing them basically to sleep while awake. For anyone other than a Space Marine, this would ultimately be fatal, but it would hardly be the first time such nonsense was found in Space Marine fluff. The second mutation, if it truly can be counted as one, is it's high frequency to produce or activate latent psychic power. Other, less documented (as in fan-developed) characteristics include a massive tendency to develop kleptomania, generate a gelatinous substance in their scalps to allow for the creation of hairetical hair, and something known as "unavailable original voice acting" which causes some members' voices to change periodically.

They are also notable for having [[C.S. Goto|a Librarian Chapter Master who dedicates himself to Khorne]]. Normally this would be a case of extreme bullshit writing, <s>but appears to make some degree of sense in that the Chapter Master/Head Librarian in question is never seen using sorcerous powers after revealing his new loyalty</s> He Psycically projects himself onto Typhon, in order to trick the protagonists onto the planet to cause the Exterminatus. But after that, Daemon Princes, even of Khorne (which he ultimately transforms into), actually have massive psychic potential.

The [[Dawn of War III]] initial reveal page shows that good ol' Gabe is in fact alive, meaning that the Space Marine ending in Dawn of War II was in fact completely canon. Unfortunately, Gabe is no longer mostly bionic so [[Derp|who knows what's canon]].

Anyways, the Blood Raven's new motto under Gabriel Angelos was "None Shall Find Us Wanting", which is the saying they use in Space Marine, unlike their old "Knowledge is Power, Guard it Well" schtick, indicating that the events of Space Marine occurred after DoW:Retribution. In any event, whether Space Marine itself is actually canon or not is up for debate, though GW's official stance is that most of it is not, which would mean that there is no evidence at all about what actually happens. You'll have to [[Matt Ward|decide for yourself]].

Interestingly, seen as a whole, this also means that Graham McNeill's incorrect statement that Gabe was the Chapter Master at the time he wrote the WD Blood Ravens Index Astartes article (published Nov 2004), is now retroactively correct, as Gabe does indeed becomes Chapter Master in the Space Marine ending of Retribution (released in Mar 2011)... unless this was [[JUST AS PLANNED|already the intended direction of Relic/Games Workshop's plot arc from the beginning]].

[[Wat|Knowing Games Workshop though]], Eliphas is probably still alive. Probably a Daemon Prince, too. Because, as with all secondary 40K media: "Fuck coherency in the name of storytelling!".

==The Hats==
The dust settled and the Ork horde lay dead at her feet. But with such a victory came sacrifice. The good General lay dead, his final words asking "Who wants to live FOREVEEER?" (Seeing as he's Freddie Fuckin Mercury in Space) with a wry smile on his face. The Imperial Guard had either died to a man or retreated when the Commissar Lord fell in battle. But it did not matter, her hat and her popped collar would hide any tears that she may have shed for them.

And then suddenly, there was a thumping. It couldn't be! She had bombed the area! She had drowned the orks in the bodies of the devoted guardsmen! She had evaporated the green tide with faith and fire! And yet... he still stomped through the ashes.

"ALRITE YA SQUISHY! I WANTZ DAT HAT!". He was as determined as he was arrogant, but even with his stubbornness, she could see something change in his face. Confusion had entered his small little brain. Perhaps it was because he was shocked that naught but a "pitiful" human could stand tall against the full force of a WAAAGGHHH. What was more amusing was that the Warboss had lost his patented pirate hat. She reached for her own hat, to tip it in torment at the Ork's incompetence... only to find nothing but hair in it's place. "WHERE IZ IT!? WHERE'Z DA HAT?!" the Ork roared in fury before noticing his own unprotected head. Shock turned to anger as both reached the same conclusion.

"DIOMEDES!" She screamed in unison to the Ork's own war-cries for "DEM'Z BLUDY MAGPIES HEADZ!". The eternal war made for some strange alliances, but none as strange as the Inquisitor and the Warboss hunting down the Thieves of Thieves, in retribution for their loss.

Diomedes sat with his new pirate hat. He thought it fitting for his position in a Chapter as renowned as his for "acquiring" gifts.
"We Shahl Coll this maneuvah Stehl Stehl!" - The Ancient announced, as he disregarded his tattered old helmet for the Witch Hunter's headpiece.

==Famous Blud Rehvens==
*Chapter Master [[Gabriel Angelos]] - Original Badass and current Chapter Master of the Blod Rehvens, at least in the SM and IG endings of Retribution (the SM ending is canon, but he dies in every other ending). He is the first Blood Raven Chapter Master in recorded history AND not the same time being the Chief Librarian, probably because they finally realized that having a Chief Librarian/Chapter Master is a Bad Idea™. Gabe was the first Blood Raven character we were ever introduced to and has the most fully-formed character of anyone else. Known for his catch phrase "Walk softly and carry a big gun", which translates in "Steal the biggest thing and don't get noticed". He sentenced his own homeworld of Cyrene to [[Exterminatus]] after discovering extensively deep [[heresy]] on it (which he's still hurting over) and accidentally set the events of most of the series in motion by destroying a daemonic artifact known as the Maledictum and thus setting a Greater Daemon of Khorne loose. He still did his damndest to make up for it and succeeded.

:Comes back in Dawn of War III wearing an impressive looking suit of Tartaros Terminator Armour, as well as making ridiculous [[C.S. Goto|front 360 flips in it]].

*Chief Librarian Azariah Vidya (get it? cuz they are in a vidya gaem?) - Led the chapter soon after their founding in a campaign against Alpha Legion (who have slain their Chapter Master) with most of the 1st Company and most of their previous command structure. Vidya made use of some kind of [[Creed|Tactical Genius]], and his already large experience battling Chaos forces, made him naturally "understand" where the enemy was, so that his Rehvens perfectly striked where needed. He essentially found the "I WIN" button for that campaign and pressed it while engaging his inner troll-face. Vidya is hinted to actually be 'Arvida', a 'Corvidae' or seer, from the Thousand Sons Legion.

*[[Isador Akios]] - Gabe's Librarian buddy. Was successfully tempted by [[Sindri Myr|Ssssiiiiindriiiiii]] into betraying the Blood Ravens, and was eventually killed by Gabe himself for that heresy (thus also enabling Gabe to spout an awesome one-liner while pulling the trigger).

*Captain [[Davian Thule|Davian Thule]] - The only force commander to get 2 sexy voices in both games he appears in.....well that was until he got ripped by a [[Tyranid]] Warrior and interred into a Dreadnought, where he sounds just as scary as any near-psychotic Dread. Gets rekt by Eliphas in the first Chaos mission in Retribution, though. Way to punch the players in the gut, Relic.... We like to pretend that the Venerable Dreadnought honor guard in Retribution is Davian Thule, to soothe our deep emotional trauma. While the Space Marine ending to Retribution is canon, his character is never really addressed after Chaos Rising, other than the aforementioned humiliating annihilation, and could well be dead. It is still hinted that he and the 4th company fought during the 13th Black Crusade.

*Captain [[Indrick Boreale|Indrick Baldeale]] - A master of [[meme|STEEL REHN]]. He is quite dead at the moment. Unlike Davian though, nobody is in the least broken down about him.

*[[Blood Ravens Force Commander|Force Commander Hair Gel]] - Though he is given the name Aramus in a [[C.S.Goto|novel]], the game and the novels contradict each other so we'll never know what is what. Usually called Force Commander Vanilla Ice or Hair Gel for his hair-esy, he's also the youngest Blood Raven Force Commander ever. In Retribution, he's mentioned in the "Hammer of the Nameless" wargear, stating that the hammer went missing after he was branded renegade by Kyras. It is slightly possible that Vanilla Ice might return in the series one day since it's never implied that he was executed by Gabe or defected to the Black Legion. Retribution hints that the "slightly tainted" ending of Chaos Rising is canon (ending #3 out of '''five''' possible endings), and in that ending he was sent to the Eye of Terror on a 100 year penitent crusade. Dialogue indicates that Thaddeus was sent along with Hair Gel.

*[[Avitus]] - A Devastator Sergeant, who's so angry that he hates everything. On top of that hate lists are Imperial Guardsmen, when he was a regular human they were jerks who oppressed his neighborhood, and on Kronus he lost several battle brothers from the Guardsmen that stood against the Blood Ravens cleaning up their Chapters dark secret. Is an all-around badass who can fire plasma cannons and heavy bolters without needing to set up, given the proper upgrades. Has the same voice as the unknown heretic in Chaos Rising. In Retribution, he is stated to canonically be the heretic (who betrays the player and joins Eliphas' Black Legion warband) in the player's forces during Chaos Rising, as if him being fucking angry all the time wasn't enough of a dead-giveaway. He then gets killed by his ex-BFF Tarkus later on.

*[[Cyrus|Cyrus/Spike Spiegel/also Wolverine]] - A Scout Sergeant, who's so grimdark that he hates everything. He's also voiced by [[Steve Blum]], which makes him awesome. Cyrus literally hates everything, short of the [[Emprah]], and constantly bitches about how fucked up everything is during every briefing in the game. The whole "Spike Spiegel/Wolverine" name comes from his rather prolific VA's most famous characters, one from the anime Cowboy Bebop, the other from the X-Men cartoons and assorted games. Prefers to wear scout armor instead of tactical armor to show off he's that badass.

*[[Jonah Orion]] - Gabe's new Librarian buddy after Isador got executed on Tartarus. He played a rousing game of mindfuck with the Tyranid Hivemind to allow Angelos' fleet to enter the system during the first DoWII. He won in the end, the only remaining sane & alive Librarian on Gabe's ship. And he becomes playable in Chaos Rising. Died in all endings of Retribution at the hands of DOM-Kyras. Later turned out to be not quite dead, and appears as the new Chief Librarian in Dawn of War 3.

*[[Martellus]] - A [[Techmarine]], also voiced by [[Steve Blum]]. His job is to inform you of bad news all the time while chilling on the strike cruiser. Survived getting his Thunderhawk shot down and stranded on Typhon for months, canonically wasn't the traitor in Chaos Rising, and became a playable character in DoWII: Retribution. If he becomes a traitor due to the player's use of artifacts, he will attack you in a Chaos Predator, fucking your shit up. (Despite not being the canonical traitor, he is nonetheless selected as the default traitor if all members of the player's team have exactly equal corruption levels.)

*[[Tarkus]] - A Tactical squad Sergeant, who is bald and also the Ancient in Retribution. Noted for being surprisingly kind-hearted and dutiful for a Marine, Tarkus ever takes the role of a mentor and is a strict adherent to the Codex Astartes. Unusual in that if he falls to Chaos through artifacts, he does so with the express intention of using the daemonic weaponry to fuck over the Black Legion and Eliphas and bring Kyras to justice by his own hands. If turned to Chaos, he attacks with a Kai Gun (Read the nostalgic 3rd edition CSM codex for crunch and more detail), an ancient, [[Awesome|daemonically possessed bolter]] that fucks things up with retardedly strong bolts of warpfire.

*[[Thaddeus]] - An Assault Marine Sergeant, the youngest and least grimdark of the gang. Is also a hair-etic and unsurprisingly joined Force Commander Hair Gel on his heresy during Chaos Rising. Canonically gets sent away on the penitent crusade alongside Commander Hair Gel after Chaos Rising, explaining his absence in Retribution.

*Apothecary Gordian - the man responsible for bringing Davian Thule back from the brink of death and overseeing his internment in a dreadnought. It's a pity that he gets virtually no screen time and gets killed when the Tyranids destroy your strike cruiser, since his few appearances mark him as a useful and generally cool character.

*[[Apollo Diomedes|Captain Apollo Diomedes]]- Captain of the veteran First Company and Honor Guard, and said to be the "greatest" warrior of the Blood Ravens history. He used to be a helmet-wearing jerkass of awesomeness until Retribution, where he is revealed to be bald. As such, this fa/tg/uy dubs him Abaldo Diomedes. Looks (and sounds) suspiciously like Indrick Boreale... "BRRUUUVAA I AM HITTT!" "IT IS DE BEEEIHNNNNBLEEEEHD!"

*[[Azariah Kyras]] - A [[C.S.Goto|Space Marine Librarian who falls to Chaos and dedicates himself to Khorne]]. In his early days he was stuck in a Spacey Hulk with a couple of marines, and after fighting in it for Emperor knows how long, he was corrupted by the Nurgle demon Ulkair. Was also Chapter Master of the Blood Ravens up until Retribution. Has a kickass VA ("Let the galaxy BURN!"). He looks like he hasn't slept since the time of the Ancient Sumerians (just look at those eye rings, someone give this man a tempur-pedic and some clonodine). He also happens to be one of the few psykers to gain the favor of Khorne in the history of 40k (apparently good enough to be granted daemonhood on top of all that too). This is largely due him kicking Ulkair to the curb after he got owned by Commander Hair Gel, and decided to cater to the daemon of Khorne Gabriel released.

*Apothecary Galan - A traitor apothecary with a great voice, possessed by a daemon of Nurgle, trying to corrupt Abaldo Diomedes. Was part of the expedition that found Kyras aboard the Judgment of Carrion. Notable for bucking the "apothecaries aren't badass"-trend by carrying a chainsword that hits like a goddamn truck and having a bodyguard of assault terminators. If defeated in battle in Chaos Rising (optional objective), the daemon gets exorcised, and the actually repentant Galan (who was possessed against his will) gives you information that saves Diomedes' life... and then dies. Since Diomedes is alive in Retribution, that means canonically, Galan is dead.

*Scout Sergeant Priam - Got all his scouts kidnapped by a Sorcerer on Calderis, with the rest of them holed up in shitty clay structures against Chaos Dreadnoughts, havocs, and missile-carrying plague marines. Suffice to say, if Hairgel doesn't deploy every shred of tactical genius he has, everyone gets [[rape|properly fucked.]]

*Sergeant <s>Lysandros</s> MEHTULBAWKSES - shows up on Calderis to destroy an empty town in the ass end of nowhere on orders of Kyras. Notable for being the eternal nemesis of [[Firaeveus Carron]] by spamming not just Rhinos, but Razorbacks. Tells Diomedes (the player) to fuck off and stop being a buzzkilling asshole. The player then proceeds to kill him. Obviously.

*Dreadnought - A random hero of the chapter. The Blood Ravens must have a bunch, since they're more spammable than Predators. Most players pretend (in vain) that the Venerable version you can sub out Martellus for in Retribution is Thule, and weep quietly as it instagibs infantry in the background with assault cannon sweeps.

*Unnamed Traitor - Siding with Kyras and Chaos, he shows up in the later stages of Retribution, becoming the greatest exemplar of the thieving might of the chapter by stealing a Land Raider Redeemer from the Blood Ravens themselves. Is also a teamkilling fucktard who fires off the Land Raider's frag assault launchers directly into a huge mass of cultists (on the same side as him) worshiping Khorne, resulting in ludicrous gibs.

*Squad [[Beakie|Corvus]] Marines - Shows up in Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine during the Chaos Invasion. Noticing a group of Black Templars traveling to join the Liberation Fleet heading for Forge World Graia, Squad Corvus attached themselves to the strike force in order to "acquire" more gifts for the chapter (specifically, more Titans). They show up during the Chaos invasion and kick major ass, despite there being only like four of them. Just goes to show how fucking strong Blood Raven plot armor is... or how strong their dedication to "acquire" relics for their chapter can be.

*Rhamah - [[C.S. Goto|The blackest of Irish lepers]] graced us with this librarian, who got pulled into the warp while fighting off a Gellar field breach on the Litany of Fury. He ended up on a [[Harlequin]] library planet with amnesia, where he met [[Ahzek Ahriman]]. Getting convinced that they were battle brothers, he wandered around the library while [[Gabriel Angelos]] and company were looking for him. The moment Rhamah was found, he got a [[Ferrus Manus|viking haircut]]: courtesy of a space elf clown's power sword. The moral of the story is to avoid heresy. And also fuck C.S. Goto.

*Jensus Natorian - In the Deathwatch Overkill boxed game, Jensus is the librarian in Kill Team Cassius. Back when Jensus was a regular old human, his parents got killed by orks. That made Jensus angry. [[Angry Marines|Really REALLY angry]]. He raged so hard he developed psychic powers, [[Rip and tear|started tearing hordes of orks into hamburger with his bare hands]], and made Khorne himself raise his fiery eyebrows and say “…{{BLAM|DAMN}}.” So yeah, he kinda went super saiyan. After Jensus ran out of greenskins to render down to their component parts, he was right about to be taken by the Black Ships when a chap by the name of Inquisitor Belicor decided that Jensus’ rage could be put to better use, shipped him off to the Blood Ravens, and later oversaw his induction into the Deathwatch, where his psychic contributions are less about mind bullets and more about mind [[RIP AND TEAR]]. Jensus also makes the Blood Ravens the only non-First Founding Chapter represented in the Deathwatch Overkill box, much to the disappointment of Black Templar players.

* Captain Arthrus Godfrey - The Captain of 4th Company that fought Hivefleet Behemoth with Inquisitor Kryptman in the series made by [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Eliphas the Inheritor.]] Scares the crap out of the Death Watch members who know that the Blud Rehvens are thieving bastards.

==The Lazy Fuckwits of 4th Company==
The Blood Ravens 4th Company is recognized as the laziest sons of bitches in the entire goddamn sector. For all of Dawn of War 2, these bastards sat around on Calderis, only to show up when [[Davian Thule]] gets KO'd by a Tyranid ''Warrior''. Their battle strategy basically involves "let the Force Commander do all the work". So only about twenty marines and the rest of the Blood Raven scouts actually do shit, while the rest of these fat bastards sit around on Calderis getting chewed up by gribblies. Where the fuck are they when the Force Commander needs them!? Probably "discovering and obtaining" more artifacts.
The Force Commander never actually needs them on the battlefield though: he and Cool Dreadnought alone are perfectly capable of blasting the stuffing from Cannon Fodder, Tyrants and Fatty Daemon Princess (if they are properly equipped and employing hit-run-cheat-hit tactic). Friendly Cannon Fodder is useless in hard battles anyway. Better let them loot friends and foes.

If you wanted to split hairs, you could argue that the rest of the 4th Company is the reinforcements you call in when your squads get KO'd and you run back to a satellite dish/strategic point to heal up. This begs the question to why they don't just deploy full-sized squads to begin with and overwhelm the enemy from the start.

The rest of the company are probably deployed to other theatres, performing side objectives or just minimizing the number of reinforcements that jump in front of Thule's assault cannon.

==Bloody Magpies==
[[File:Magpie Missle.jpg|200px|right|thumb|The Blood Ravens "acquiring" a master-crafted artillery shell from a Forgeworld. The next day, the Magos simply said: ''"THEY TOOK WHAT?!"'' after hearing the report that their entire artillery battery was reported missing.]]
[[File:Warhammer_40k_blood_ravens_magpies_comic_bolt_down_everything_1335786405659.jpg|200px|left|thumb|Don't bother, they'll just "acquire" the bolts too.]]
Blood Ravens are also known to steal and loot artifacts, relics and practically everything else that isn't bolted down (and it doesn't even stop them from stealing from dreadnoughts), due to the fact they are not an official chapter and must make do with what they find. In case you haven't noticed this far: they are named after an intelligent bird known for feasting on the dead, which makes them value the spoils of war more than any other chapter. Their battle gear include (and ae not limited to) scraps from Ultramarines, Space Wolves, Imperial Fists, Salamanders, Dark Angels, Iron Snakes, Blood Angels, Black Templars, Iron Hands, Grey Knights, even the Adeptus Custodes and at least one Primarch. One must wonder how the fuck they got away with the latter.

In addition, they are always on the move, implying heavily that they are the Space Gypsies of the Warhammer 40k. This makes further sense when you consider that "Gypsies" is derived from "Egyptian", and the Thousand Sons are Egyptian-themed (Although gypsies are actually ethnically Indian). Maybe the White Scars like them, but they only hang out with their successors anyway.

In Dawn of War II, the Blood Ravens have numerous opportunities to receive Wargear for them to use in battle. Strangely, a good number of them are obtained through vague circumstances or described as "gifts", either implying that they were salvaged from the dead who aren't Blood Ravens or were downright stolen from both loyal and traitor marine chapters and other Imperial organizations. How they got away with that is something only the Emperor would know. Seeing as they've jacked at least one bolter and suit of power armor from the fucking [[Adeptus Custodes]], the Emperor probably is the only one that could know.

So [[Bjorn_the_Fell_Handed#Bjorn.27s_Happy_End|how will this end?]]

I don't know...But I'm pretty sure they are a textbook case of Mass Kleptomania, which could be explained as an unnoticed gene-seed corruption (because when you're checking for thing like growing the wrong number of limbs, a compulsion to steal is going to be a lot less visible).

Of course, will you question the Omnissiah and the Machine Cult when it comes to handling artifacts?

<gallery>
Image:Baalpistol.png|Also known as the Bloody Magpies.
File:BA Flamer.jpg|When the Bloody Magpies were victimizing the Blood Angels, they didn't just settle for the Pistol of Baal.
Image:Inquisitorpistol.png|Weight on the word "discovered".
File:DoomEagle.jpg|This is primarily because the Doom Eagles didn't think to look at their own Chapter armory.
File:Benediction.jpg|Even the Inquisition is not safe.
File:Custodes bolter.jpg|HOW THE FUCK DO YOU STEAL CUSTODES EQUIPMENT?!
File:Jump Pack.jpg|Even the lost and dead are not safe.
File:Heretical Shotgun.jpg|Even the ruinous powers are not safe.
File:Alpha legion armor.jpg|When we said Chaos wasn't safe, we weren't kidding.
File:Termi tele.jpg|Techmarines from different chapters swear to the Emperor that they've seen this before in another chapter's armory.
File:Artificer termi.jpg|Refusal is futile.
File:Nova Termi.jpg|The Novamarines were puzzled to see the Terminator armor gone from their honored battle brother's body after he fell against the Tau... 30 seconds later when they glanced aside.
Image:evenyoumartellus.png|Curiously, the Techpriests of Mars refused to recruit any more potential Techmarines from the Blood Ravens after Martellus' release.
Image:bloodmagpies.png|Spoiler: They don't.
File:Snakes banner.jpg|Emphasis on "recovered".
File:CustodesArmor.jpg|This really puts the achievements of all other chapters to shame.
File:Forgebreaker.png|Not even the Primarchs are safe.
File:SkarbrandMaul.jpg|[[Abaddon|Abaddon's]] weapon is pretty cool too, I guess.
File:BTThunderHammer.jpg|If you steal, might as well do it from the best.
File:Ancient Bolter.gif|Even [[Matthew_Ward| Matt Ward's]] beloved [[Ultramarines|Ultrasmurfs]] aren't safe...
File:GKArmor.jpg| And neither are his other beloved [[Grey_Knights|Special Snowflakes]].(at least they partly admit they stole this one)
File:Dawn_of_stubbornness.png| Even the fan chapters have witnessed this.
</gallery>

===Rumors===
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3uEf8sJt1s&feature=g-all-lik A Blood Raven marine sneaking off with an Ultramarine Land Raider with incomprehensible stealth.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4om7AuID6BY&feature=related It is worse than we imagined.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Enua52rXfmQ Much worse.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tavp0vrBOLA So bad, they would steal from each other (Though why would they want THAT particular relic is anybody's guess).]
*Stole not one, but two whole [[Primarch]]s before they were even found.

==Fanboy Ravens==
The Blod Rehvens have also been known for their excessively fangirl-esque behavior, including forging weapons for other chapters and declaring them relics after the receiving chapter rejected them, and naming wargear after off-hand comments by famous chapters, though by now they themselves are a very famous chapter.

Alternatively, they may just enjoy trolling the hell out of other chapters. For a chapter that gives all of zero fucks about slaughtering the Sisters of Battle and Imperial Guard, it could really go either way. Either this, or Relic are massive trolls themselves and all of the Space Gypsy stuff is [[Just as planned|just as planned]].

An alternative alternative is that Tzeentch is actually seeing how much he has to piss off other chapters in the Blood Ravens name in order to get them to turn completely traitor. He may even be pretending to be Khorne, since that's the only god anyone is apparently willing to worship anymore. Hey, its better than being completely forgotten like a certain Slaanesh...

A third alternative is that, given how much relics they <s>steal</s> acquire, they may be trying to come to good terms with other chapters by spreading their loot around. With that being said, it is also entirely possibly that it serves as a way of fencing stolen goods: take stuff, disguise true origins, and then offer the things back to their original owners with the certainty that they will reject it as an inferior copy of something they think they still have in their armory.

<gallery>
Image:trinkets.jpg|Ragnar Blackmane was suppose to be given a Power Axe by the Blood Raven artificers. He told them to screw off. <s>Probably lost his wolf mantle afterwards too</s>
File:Gift.jpg|Said Power Axe.
File:Fist's Hammer.jpg|[[Darnath Lysander]] is not amused.
File:Russ Axe.jpg|The Space Wolves can't resist trolling the Blood Ravens. They were less amused when they discovered a similar axe disappeared from their arsenal.
File:DA Plasma gun.jpg|[[Troll|Problem]], [[Dark Angels]]?
File:AzraelsSecond.png|"He mad?" "Pretty sure he mad."
</gallery>

== Daily Rituals ==

04:00 - Rousing from slumber. The Ravens get up from their beds, which they got as a 'gift'.

05:00 - Morning Prayer. They pray to the emperor to grant them the right to 'borrow' chaos, xenos and imperial relics.

06:00 - Morning Firing Rites. The Blood Ravens hone in their skills with the ammunition 'graciously gifted' by fellow Astartes chapters.

07:00 - Battle Practice. The 'Ravens practice heists and tactical pickpocketing on Imperial worlds.

11:00 - Psychic checkup. The Blood Ravens does their daily psychic checkup on who can be a Librarian that will help the Blood Ravens locate the best loot to 'borrow' from.

12:00 - Midday Prayer.

13:00 - Midday Meal. they eat some food they got from other chapters or civilians. As such, food varies daily.

13:15 - Tactical Indoctrination. Blood Ravens are informed on which wargear they have to steal.

15:00 - Battle Practice. the ravens learn how to elude Arbites or chaos guards.

20:00 - Evening Prayer.

21:00 - Evening Meal. A feast is provided by the Chapter serfs, who got them as 'presents'.

21:45 - Night Firing Exercises. The Blood Ravens practice formations in the dark to further hone in their 'skills'. Any marine who end up trying to steal another Blood Raven's wargears for "Extra ammunition" is disciplined.

23:00 - Maintenance Rituals. the ravens try to maintain their gears, try to disguise them as their own.

23:45 - Free Time. They try to steal from chaos and xenos here. Some play ancient Terran video games known as Grand Theft Auto and Payday on their Cogitators to hone their skills.

00:00 - Rest Period. The ravens return to 'their' beds.

==The (Incomplete) Loot List==
* [http://lparchive.org/Dawn-of-War-II/Update%2042/ Many of the weapons and armor the Magpies have been "gifted"]
* [http://lparchive.org/Dawn-of-War-II/Update%2043/ More items. Curiously, none of them are gifts.]
* The Squats.

{{Marines-Official}}

Blood Ravens

2016-12-29T06:32:28Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{Infobox Spess Mahreen Chapter
|Name = Blood Ravens
|Heraldry = [[Image:Bloodravenslogo.jpg|250px]]
|Battle Cry = Pre-Retribution: "Knowledge is power. Guard it well."; Post-Retribution: "None shall find us wanting."
|Number = Unknown
|Founding = Unknown
|Successors of = Heavily hinted to be [[Thousand Sons]]
|Successor Chapters = N/A
|Chapter Master = [[Gabriel Angelos]]
|Primarch = Unknown possibly [[Magnus the Red]]
|Homeworld = Fleet-based
|Specialty = [[Psyker]]s, collecting "lost" relics, plot armor,[[Reasonable Marines| Attacking in key positions]]
|Strength = Probably around 800
|Allegiance = [[Imperium of Man]]
|Colours = Red. Bone white pauldrons
}}
''"I am a thief of knowledge, and in a survival way, I had to solve all the problems around me."'' 
-Philippe Petit

''"Blood Ravens? Go lock the reliquary"'' 
-Calato, Deathwatch Champion, to a random Stormtrooper upon encountering a Blood Ravens force.

The '''Bluhd Rehvehns''' are one of the better-known background Chapters, primarily from their starring role in the [[Dawn of War]] game series. They have ''waaaaaaaay'' too many psykers and are obsessed with <s>stealing</s> finding lost relics, mostly because they don't know anything about their history. They have no records dating before the [[Age of Apostasy]]. This has led some to theorize that they are actually [[Traitor Legion Loyalists|loyalist descendants]] of the [[Thousand Sons]], which according to fluff, <s>may be canon</s> <s>it's not canon</s> is intentionally left in the grey area and even GW likes to tease us about this (like they did in the Prospero White Dwarf).

==History==
[[File:Indrick Boreale.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Indrick Baldeale, a Blud Rehvens Captain: Teh greahtehst hero of teh chaphter and mastur of STEEL REHN.]]
This chapter was specifically created by Relic and GW for the Dawn of War video games. This would remain their only claim to fame if Dawn of War hadn't spawned dozens of [[meme]]s. Perhaps the most famous example of these memes is the voice acting of the Captain Indrick Boreale, who is the origin of the terms [[Empra]] and [[Space Marine|Spehss mahreens]]. They are also infamous on /tg/ for losing half their chapter in a single campaign, also thanks to Brother-Captain Boreale, who refused to fuck off when [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] arrived. [[Davian Thule]] had the same thing happen when he [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1bHvuVe0xs refused orders to fuck off] from [[Governer-Militant Lukas Alexander]], but unlike Boreale, Thule actually won.

The Blood Ravens are also famous for their rav(en)ing kleptomania, discussed in greater depth below.

One of the few canonically confirmed, let alone interesting, things about their history is the possibility that they are descendants of a [[Thousand Sons]] schism cult. The short story "Rebirth" in ''Age of Darkness'' shows what might be the foundation of the Chapter, as hinted before in ''A Thousand Sons'' Horus Heresy book. That story shows that most of the Corvidae (as in the genus of birds to which the raven belongs) Fellowship of the Legion was sent away by [[Magnus]] during the Burning of [[Prospero]]. The leader of this Fellowship, Revuel '''Arvida''', has a name very similar to Azari'''ah Vidya''', the legendary hero of the Blood Ravens, who utters "Knowledge is Power, Guard It Well", the motto of the Blood Ravens. Additionally, they have an unusually high number of unusually powerful psykers, with two full squads of Librarians in the First Company and were (at least until the events of [[Dawn of War 2#Retribution|Retribution]]) lead by a combination of [[Chapter Master]]s and [[Librarian]]s. Finally, their obsession with lost knowledge and mystic relics mirrors pre-Heresy Thousand Sons. Hell, even their ''color scheme'' is suspiciously close to the one used by the pre-Heresy Thousand Sons. Also, if you want to read ''way'' too much into it, it should be noted that almost every other Traitor Legion has known, named Loyalist members, most of whom aided [[Malcador]] with the creation of the [[Inquisition]]... except the Thousand Sons and Night Lords (but they're a Chapter of psychics, not bloodthirsty butchers).

However, given the ambiguous and circumstantial nature of what little evidence exists, we may never know if this is true. For a time, there was a rumor of a Blood Ravens Codex produced by Games Workshop, which would probably expand on the theory. However, the codex never came out, the rumors quietly died out and do not look likely to be revived anytime soon.

The Blood Ravens have only two recorded mutations in their [[gene seed]]. The first one affects their Catalepsean Node, which grants them perfect memory but creates an inability to enter R.E.M sleep, forcing them basically to sleep while awake. For anyone other than a Space Marine, this would ultimately be fatal, but it would hardly be the first time such nonsense was found in Space Marine fluff. The second mutation, if it truly can be counted as one, is it's high frequency to produce or activate latent psychic power. Other, less documented (as in fan-developed) characteristics include a massive tendency to develop kleptomania, generate a gelatinous substance in their scalps to allow for the creation of hairetical hair, and something known as "unavailable original voice acting" which causes some members' voices to change periodically.

They are also notable for having [[C.S. Goto|a Librarian Chapter Master who dedicates himself to Khorne]]. Normally this would be a case of extreme bullshit writing, <s>but appears to make some degree of sense in that the Chapter Master/Head Librarian in question is never seen using sorcerous powers after revealing his new loyalty</s> He Psycically projects himself onto Typhon, in order to trick the protagonists onto the planet to cause the Exterminatus. But after that, Daemon Princes, even of Khorne (which he ultimately transforms into), actually have massive psychic potential.

The [[Dawn of War III]] initial reveal page shows that good ol' Gabe is in fact alive, meaning that the Space Marine ending in Dawn of War II was in fact completely canon. Unfortunately, Gabe is no longer mostly bionic so [[Derp|who knows what's canon]].

Anyways, the Blood Raven's new motto under Gabriel Angelos was "None Shall Find Us Wanting", which is the saying they use in Space Marine, unlike their old "Knowledge is Power, Guard it Well" schtick, indicating that the events of Space Marine occurred after DoW:Retribution. In any event, whether Space Marine itself is actually canon or not is up for debate, though GW's official stance is that most of it is not, which would mean that there is no evidence at all about what actually happens. You'll have to [[Matt Ward|decide for yourself]].

Interestingly, seen as a whole, this also means that Graham McNeill's incorrect statement that Gabe was the Chapter Master at the time he wrote the WD Blood Ravens Index Astartes article (published Nov 2004), is now retroactively correct, as Gabe does indeed becomes Chapter Master in the Space Marine ending of Retribution (released in Mar 2011)... unless this was [[JUST AS PLANNED|already the intended direction of Relic/Games Workshop's plot arc from the beginning]].

[[Wat|Knowing Games Workshop though]], Eliphas is probably still alive. Probably a Daemon Prince, too. Because, as with all secondary 40K media: "Fuck coherency in the name of storytelling!".

==The Hats==
The dust settled and the Ork horde lay dead at her feet. But with such a victory came sacrifice. The good General lay dead, his final words asking "Who wants to live FOREVEEER?" (Seeing as he's Freddie Fuckin Mercury in Space) with a wry smile on his face. The Imperial Guard had either died to a man or retreated when the Commissar Lord fell in battle. But it did not matter, her hat and her popped collar would hide any tears that she may have shed for them.

And then suddenly, there was a thumping. It couldn't be! She had bombed the area! She had drowned the orks in the bodies of the devoted guardsmen! She had evaporated the green tide with faith and fire! And yet... he still stomped through the ashes.

"ALRITE YA SQUISHY! I WANTZ DAT HAT!". He was as determined as he was arrogant, but even with his stubbornness, she could see something change in his face. Confusion had entered his small little brain. Perhaps it was because he was shocked that naught but a "pitiful" human could stand tall against the full force of a WAAAGGHHH. What was more amusing was that the Warboss had lost his patented pirate hat. She reached for her own hat, to tip it in torment at the Ork's incompetence... only to find nothing but hair in it's place. "WHERE IZ IT!? WHERE'Z DA HAT?!" the Ork roared in fury before noticing his own unprotected head. Shock turned to anger as both reached the same conclusion.

"DIOMEDES!" She screamed in unison to the Ork's own war-cries for "DEM'Z BLUDY MAGPIES HEADZ!". The eternal war made for some strange alliances, but none as strange as the Inquisitor and the Warboss hunting down the Thieves of Thieves, in retribution for their loss.

Diomedes sat with his new pirate hat. He thought it fitting for his position in a Chapter as renowned as his for "acquiring" gifts.
"We Shahl Coll this maneuvah Stehl Stehl!" - The Ancient announced, as he disregarded his tattered old helmet for the Witch Hunter's headpiece.

==Famous Blud Rehvens==
*Chapter Master [[Gabriel Angelos]] - Original Badass and current Chapter Master of the Blod Rehvens, at least in the SM and IG endings of Retribution (the SM ending is canon, but he dies in every other ending). He is the first Blood Raven Chapter Master in recorded history AND not the same time being the Chief Librarian, probably because they finally realized that having a Chief Librarian/Chapter Master is a Bad Idea™. Gabe was the first Blood Raven character we were ever introduced to and has the most fully-formed character of anyone else. Known for his catch phrase "Walk softly and carry a big gun", which translates in "Steal the biggest thing and don't get noticed". He sentenced his own homeworld of Cyrene to [[Exterminatus]] after discovering extensively deep [[heresy]] on it (which he's still hurting over) and accidentally set the events of most of the series in motion by destroying a daemonic artifact known as the Maledictum and thus setting a Greater Daemon of Khorne loose. He still did his damndest to make up for it and succeeded.

:Comes back in Dawn of War III wearing an impressive looking suit of Tartaros Terminator Armour, as well as making ridiculous [[C.S. Goto|front 360 flips in it]].

*Chief Librarian Azariah Vidya (get it? cuz they are in a vidya gaem?) - Led the chapter soon after their founding in a campaign against Alpha Legion (who have slain their Chapter Master) with most of the 1st Company and most of their previous command structure. Vidya made use of some kind of [[Creed|Tactical Genius]], and his already large experience battling Chaos forces, made him naturally "understand" where the enemy was, so that his Rehvens perfectly striked where needed. He essentially found the "I WIN" button for that campaign and pressed it while engaging his inner troll-face. Vidya is hinted to actually be 'Arvida', a 'Corvidae' or seer, from the Thousand Sons Legion.

*[[Isador Akios]] - Gabe's Librarian buddy. Was successfully tempted by [[Sindri Myr|Ssssiiiiindriiiiii]] into betraying the Blood Ravens, and was eventually killed by Gabe himself for that heresy (thus also enabling Gabe to spout an awesome one-liner while pulling the trigger).

*Captain [[Davian Thule|Davian Thule]] - The only force commander to get 2 sexy voices in both games he appears in.....well that was until he got ripped by a [[Tyranid]] Warrior and interred into a Dreadnought, where he sounds just as scary as any near-psychotic Dread. Gets rekt by Eliphas in the first Chaos mission in Retribution, though. Way to punch the players in the gut, Relic.... We like to pretend that the Venerable Dreadnought honor guard in Retribution is Davian Thule, to soothe our deep emotional trauma. While the Space Marine ending to Retribution is canon, his character is never really addressed after Chaos Rising, other than the aforementioned humiliating annihilation, and could well be dead. It is still hinted that he and the 4th company fought during the 13th Black Crusade.

*Captain [[Indrick Boreale|Indrick Baldeale]] - A master of [[meme|STEEL REHN]]. He is quite dead at the moment. Unlike Davian though, nobody is in the least broken down about him.

*[[Blood Ravens Force Commander|Force Commander Hair Gel]] - Though he is given the name Aramus in a [[C.S.Goto|novel]], the game and the novels contradict each other so we'll never know what is what. Usually called Force Commander Vanilla Ice or Hair Gel for his hair-esy, he's also the youngest Blood Raven Force Commander ever. In Retribution, he's mentioned in the "Hammer of the Nameless" wargear, stating that the hammer went missing after he was branded renegade by Kyras. It is slightly possible that Vanilla Ice might return in the series one day since it's never implied that he was executed by Gabe or defected to the Black Legion. Retribution hints that the "slightly tainted" ending of Chaos Rising is canon (ending #3 out of '''five''' possible endings), and in that ending he was sent to the Eye of Terror on a 100 year penitent crusade. Dialogue indicates that Thaddeus was sent along with Hair Gel.

*[[Avitus]] - A Devastator Sergeant, who's so angry that he hates everything. On top of that hate lists are Imperial Guardsmen, when he was a regular human they were jerks who oppressed his neighborhood, and on Kronus he lost several battle brothers from the Guardsmen that stood against the Blood Ravens cleaning up their Chapters dark secret. Is an all-around badass who can fire plasma cannons and heavy bolters without needing to set up, given the proper upgrades. Has the same voice as the unknown heretic in Chaos Rising. In Retribution, he is stated to canonically be the heretic (who betrays the player and joins Eliphas' Black Legion warband) in the player's forces during Chaos Rising, as if him being fucking angry all the time wasn't enough of a dead-giveaway. He then gets killed by his ex-BFF Tarkus later on.

*[[Cyrus|Cyrus/Spike Spiegel/also Wolverine]] - A Scout Sergeant, who's so grimdark that he hates everything. He's also voiced by [[Steve Blum]], which makes him awesome. Cyrus literally hates everything, short of the [[Emprah]], and constantly bitches about how fucked up everything is during every briefing in the game. The whole "Spike Spiegel/Wolverine" name comes from his rather prolific VA's most famous characters, one from the anime Cowboy Bebop, the other from the X-Men cartoons and assorted games. Prefers to wear scout armor instead of tactical armor to show off he's that badass.

*[[Jonah Orion]] - Gabe's new Librarian buddy after Isador got executed on Tartarus. He played a rousing game of mindfuck with the Tyranid Hivemind to allow Angelos' fleet to enter the system during the first DoWII. He won in the end, the only remaining sane & alive Librarian on Gabe's ship. And he becomes playable in Chaos Rising. Died in all endings of Retribution at the hands of DOM-Kyras as Relic likes to keep up with the tradition that the black guy has a 99% chance of being killed in the end. He's also the first confirmed black Space Marine who isn't from the [[Salamanders]], which is [[Awesome]]. Well, there was also that one [[Black Templar]] guy in [[Damnation Crusade]]. Later turned out to be not quite dead, and appears as the new Chief Librarian in Dawn of War 3.

*[[Martellus]] - A [[Techmarine]], also voiced by [[Steve Blum]]. His job is to inform you of bad news all the time while chilling on the strike cruiser. Survived getting his Thunderhawk shot down and stranded on Typhon for months, canonically wasn't the traitor in Chaos Rising, and became a playable character in DoWII: Retribution. If he becomes a traitor due to the player's use of artifacts, he will attack you in a Chaos Predator, fucking your shit up. (Despite not being the canonical traitor, he is nonetheless selected as the default traitor if all members of the player's team have exactly equal corruption levels.)

*[[Tarkus]] - A Tactical squad Sergeant, who is bald and also the Ancient in Retribution. Noted for being surprisingly kind-hearted and dutiful for a Marine, Tarkus ever takes the role of a mentor and is a strict adherent to the Codex Astartes. Unusual in that if he falls to Chaos through artifacts, he does so with the express intention of using the daemonic weaponry to fuck over the Black Legion and Eliphas and bring Kyras to justice by his own hands. If turned to Chaos, he attacks with a Kai Gun (Read the nostalgic 3rd edition CSM codex for crunch and more detail), an ancient, [[Awesome|daemonically possessed bolter]] that fucks things up with retardedly strong bolts of warpfire.

*[[Thaddeus]] - An Assault Marine Sergeant, the youngest and least grimdark of the gang. Is also a hair-etic and unsurprisingly joined Force Commander Hair Gel on his heresy during Chaos Rising. Canonically gets sent away on the penitent crusade alongside Commander Hair Gel after Chaos Rising, explaining his absence in Retribution.

*Apothecary Gordian - the man responsible for bringing Davian Thule back from the brink of death and overseeing his internment in a dreadnought. It's a pity that he gets virtually no screen time and gets killed when the Tyranids destroy your strike cruiser, since his few appearances mark him as a useful and generally cool character.

*[[Apollo Diomedes|Captain Apollo Diomedes]]- Captain of the veteran First Company and Honor Guard, and said to be the "greatest" warrior of the Blood Ravens history. He used to be a helmet-wearing jerkass of awesomeness until Retribution, where he is revealed to be bald. As such, this fa/tg/uy dubs him Abaldo Diomedes. Looks (and sounds) suspiciously like Indrick Boreale... "BRRUUUVAA I AM HITTT!" "IT IS DE BEEEIHNNNNBLEEEEHD!"

*[[Azariah Kyras]] - A [[C.S.Goto|Space Marine Librarian who falls to Chaos and dedicates himself to Khorne]]. In his early days he was stuck in a Spacey Hulk with a couple of marines, and after fighting in it for Emperor knows how long, he was corrupted by the Nurgle demon Ulkair. Was also Chapter Master of the Blood Ravens up until Retribution. Has a kickass VA ("Let the galaxy BURN!"). He looks like he hasn't slept since the time of the Ancient Sumerians (just look at those eye rings, someone give this man a tempur-pedic and some clonodine). He also happens to be one of the few psykers to gain the favor of Khorne in the history of 40k (apparently good enough to be granted daemonhood on top of all that too). This is largely due him kicking Ulkair to the curb after he got owned by Commander Hair Gel, and decided to cater to the daemon of Khorne Gabriel released.

*Apothecary Galan - A traitor apothecary with a great voice, possessed by a daemon of Nurgle, trying to corrupt Abaldo Diomedes. Was part of the expedition that found Kyras aboard the Judgment of Carrion. Notable for bucking the "apothecaries aren't badass"-trend by carrying a chainsword that hits like a goddamn truck and having a bodyguard of assault terminators. If defeated in battle in Chaos Rising (optional objective), the daemon gets exorcised, and the actually repentant Galan (who was possessed against his will) gives you information that saves Diomedes' life... and then dies. Since Diomedes is alive in Retribution, that means canonically, Galan is dead.

*Scout Sergeant Priam - Got all his scouts kidnapped by a Sorcerer on Calderis, with the rest of them holed up in shitty clay structures against Chaos Dreadnoughts, havocs, and missile-carrying plague marines. Suffice to say, if Hairgel doesn't deploy every shred of tactical genius he has, everyone gets [[rape|properly fucked.]]

*Sergeant <s>Lysandros</s> MEHTULBAWKSES - shows up on Calderis to destroy an empty town in the ass end of nowhere on orders of Kyras. Notable for being the eternal nemesis of [[Firaeveus Carron]] by spamming not just Rhinos, but Razorbacks. Tells Diomedes (the player) to fuck off and stop being a buzzkilling asshole. The player then proceeds to kill him. Obviously.

*Dreadnought - A random hero of the chapter. The Blood Ravens must have a bunch, since they're more spammable than Predators. Most players pretend (in vain) that the Venerable version you can sub out Martellus for in Retribution is Thule, and weep quietly as it instagibs infantry in the background with assault cannon sweeps.

*Unnamed Traitor - Siding with Kyras and Chaos, he shows up in the later stages of Retribution, becoming the greatest exemplar of the thieving might of the chapter by stealing a Land Raider Redeemer from the Blood Ravens themselves. Is also a teamkilling fucktard who fires off the Land Raider's frag assault launchers directly into a huge mass of cultists (on the same side as him) worshiping Khorne, resulting in ludicrous gibs.

*Squad [[Beakie|Corvus]] Marines - Shows up in Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine during the Chaos Invasion. Noticing a group of Black Templars traveling to join the Liberation Fleet heading for Forge World Graia, Squad Corvus attached themselves to the strike force in order to "acquire" more gifts for the chapter (specifically, more Titans). They show up during the Chaos invasion and kick major ass, despite there being only like four of them. Just goes to show how fucking strong Blood Raven plot armor is... or how strong their dedication to "acquire" relics for their chapter can be.

*Rhamah - [[C.S. Goto|The blackest of Irish lepers]] graced us with this librarian, who got pulled into the warp while fighting off a Gellar field breach on the Litany of Fury. He ended up on a [[Harlequin]] library planet with amnesia, where he met [[Ahzek Ahriman]]. Getting convinced that they were battle brothers, he wandered around the library while [[Gabriel Angelos]] and company were looking for him. The moment Rhamah was found, he got a [[Ferrus Manus|viking haircut]]: courtesy of a space elf clown's power sword. The moral of the story is to avoid heresy. And also fuck C.S. Goto.

*Jensus Natorian - In the Deathwatch Overkill boxed game, Jensus is the librarian in Kill Team Cassius. Back when Jensus was a regular old human, his parents got killed by orks. That made Jensus angry. [[Angry Marines|Really REALLY angry]]. He raged so hard he developed psychic powers, [[Rip and tear|started tearing hordes of orks into hamburger with his bare hands]], and made Khorne himself raise his fiery eyebrows and say “…{{BLAM|DAMN}}.” So yeah, he kinda went super saiyan. After Jensus ran out of greenskins to render down to their component parts, he was right about to be taken by the Black Ships when a chap by the name of Inquisitor Belicor decided that Jensus’ rage could be put to better use, shipped him off to the Blood Ravens, and later oversaw his induction into the Deathwatch, where his psychic contributions are less about mind bullets and more about mind [[RIP AND TEAR]]. Jensus also makes the Blood Ravens the only non-First Founding Chapter represented in the Deathwatch Overkill box, much to the disappointment of Black Templar players.

* Captain Arthrus Godfrey - The Captain of 4th Company that fought Hivefleet Behemoth with Inquisitor Kryptman in the series made by [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Eliphas the Inheritor.]] Scares the crap out of the Death Watch members who know that the Blud Rehvens are thieving bastards.

==The Lazy Fuckwits of 4th Company==
The Blood Ravens 4th Company is recognized as the laziest sons of bitches in the entire goddamn sector. For all of Dawn of War 2, these bastards sat around on Calderis, only to show up when [[Davian Thule]] gets KO'd by a Tyranid ''Warrior''. Their battle strategy basically involves "let the Force Commander do all the work". So only about twenty marines and the rest of the Blood Raven scouts actually do shit, while the rest of these fat bastards sit around on Calderis getting chewed up by gribblies. Where the fuck are they when the Force Commander needs them!? Probably "discovering and obtaining" more artifacts.
The Force Commander never actually needs them on the battlefield though: he and Cool Dreadnought alone are perfectly capable of blasting the stuffing from Cannon Fodder, Tyrants and Fatty Daemon Princess (if they are properly equipped and employing hit-run-cheat-hit tactic). Friendly Cannon Fodder is useless in hard battles anyway. Better let them loot friends and foes.

If you wanted to split hairs, you could argue that the rest of the 4th Company is the reinforcements you call in when your squads get KO'd and you run back to a satellite dish/strategic point to heal up. This begs the question to why they don't just deploy full-sized squads to begin with and overwhelm the enemy from the start.

The rest of the company are probably deployed to other theatres, performing side objectives or just minimizing the number of reinforcements that jump in front of Thule's assault cannon.

==Bloody Magpies==
[[File:Magpie Missle.jpg|200px|right|thumb|The Blood Ravens "acquiring" a master-crafted artillery shell from a Forgeworld. The next day, the Magos simply said: ''"THEY TOOK WHAT?!"'' after hearing the report that their entire artillery battery was reported missing.]]
[[File:Warhammer_40k_blood_ravens_magpies_comic_bolt_down_everything_1335786405659.jpg|200px|left|thumb|Don't bother, they'll just "acquire" the bolts too.]]
Blood Ravens are also known to steal and loot artifacts, relics and practically everything else that isn't bolted down (and it doesn't even stop them from stealing from dreadnoughts), due to the fact they are not an official chapter and must make do with what they find. In case you haven't noticed this far: they are named after an intelligent bird known for feasting on the dead, which makes them value the spoils of war more than any other chapter. Their battle gear include (and ae not limited to) scraps from Ultramarines, Space Wolves, Imperial Fists, Salamanders, Dark Angels, Iron Snakes, Blood Angels, Black Templars, Iron Hands, Grey Knights, even the Adeptus Custodes and at least one Primarch. One must wonder how the fuck they got away with the latter.

In addition, they are always on the move, implying heavily that they are the Space Gypsies of the Warhammer 40k. This makes further sense when you consider that "Gypsies" is derived from "Egyptian", and the Thousand Sons are Egyptian-themed (Although gypsies are actually ethnically Indian). Maybe the White Scars like them, but they only hang out with their successors anyway.

In Dawn of War II, the Blood Ravens have numerous opportunities to receive Wargear for them to use in battle. Strangely, a good number of them are obtained through vague circumstances or described as "gifts", either implying that they were salvaged from the dead who aren't Blood Ravens or were downright stolen from both loyal and traitor marine chapters and other Imperial organizations. How they got away with that is something only the Emperor would know. Seeing as they've jacked at least one bolter and suit of power armor from the fucking [[Adeptus Custodes]], the Emperor probably is the only one that could know.

So [[Bjorn_the_Fell_Handed#Bjorn.27s_Happy_End|how will this end?]]

I don't know...But I'm pretty sure they are a textbook case of Mass Kleptomania, which could be explained as an unnoticed gene-seed corruption (because when you're checking for thing like growing the wrong number of limbs, a compulsion to steal is going to be a lot less visible).

Of course, will you question the Omnissiah and the Machine Cult when it comes to handling artifacts?

<gallery>
Image:Baalpistol.png|Also known as the Bloody Magpies.
File:BA Flamer.jpg|When the Bloody Magpies were victimizing the Blood Angels, they didn't just settle for the Pistol of Baal.
Image:Inquisitorpistol.png|Weight on the word "discovered".
File:DoomEagle.jpg|This is primarily because the Doom Eagles didn't think to look at their own Chapter armory.
File:Benediction.jpg|Even the Inquisition is not safe.
File:Custodes bolter.jpg|HOW THE FUCK DO YOU STEAL CUSTODES EQUIPMENT?!
File:Jump Pack.jpg|Even the lost and dead are not safe.
File:Heretical Shotgun.jpg|Even the ruinous powers are not safe.
File:Alpha legion armor.jpg|When we said Chaos wasn't safe, we weren't kidding.
File:Termi tele.jpg|Techmarines from different chapters swear to the Emperor that they've seen this before in another chapter's armory.
File:Artificer termi.jpg|Refusal is futile.
File:Nova Termi.jpg|The Novamarines were puzzled to see the Terminator armor gone from their honored battle brother's body after he fell against the Tau... 30 seconds later when they glanced aside.
Image:evenyoumartellus.png|Curiously, the Techpriests of Mars refused to recruit any more potential Techmarines from the Blood Ravens after Martellus' release.
Image:bloodmagpies.png|Spoiler: They don't.
File:Snakes banner.jpg|Emphasis on "recovered".
File:CustodesArmor.jpg|This really puts the achievements of all other chapters to shame.
File:Forgebreaker.png|Not even the Primarchs are safe.
File:SkarbrandMaul.jpg|[[Abaddon|Abaddon's]] weapon is pretty cool too, I guess.
File:BTThunderHammer.jpg|If you steal, might as well do it from the best.
File:Ancient Bolter.gif|Even [[Matthew_Ward| Matt Ward's]] beloved [[Ultramarines|Ultrasmurfs]] aren't safe...
File:GKArmor.jpg| And neither are his other beloved [[Grey_Knights|Special Snowflakes]].(at least they partly admit they stole this one)
File:Dawn_of_stubbornness.png| Even the fan chapters have witnessed this.
</gallery>

===Rumors===
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3uEf8sJt1s&feature=g-all-lik A Blood Raven marine sneaking off with an Ultramarine Land Raider with incomprehensible stealth.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4om7AuID6BY&feature=related It is worse than we imagined.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Enua52rXfmQ Much worse.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tavp0vrBOLA So bad, they would steal from each other (Though why would they want THAT particular relic is anybody's guess).]
*Stole not one, but two whole [[Primarch]]s before they were even found.

==Fanboy Ravens==
The Blod Rehvens have also been known for their excessively fangirl-esque behavior, including forging weapons for other chapters and declaring them relics after the receiving chapter rejected them, and naming wargear after off-hand comments by famous chapters, though by now they themselves are a very famous chapter.

Alternatively, they may just enjoy trolling the hell out of other chapters. For a chapter that gives all of zero fucks about slaughtering the Sisters of Battle and Imperial Guard, it could really go either way. Either this, or Relic are massive trolls themselves and all of the Space Gypsy stuff is [[Just as planned|just as planned]].

An alternative alternative is that Tzeentch is actually seeing how much he has to piss off other chapters in the Blood Ravens name in order to get them to turn completely traitor. He may even be pretending to be Khorne, since that's the only god anyone is apparently willing to worship anymore. Hey, its better than being completely forgotten like a certain Slaanesh...

A third alternative is that, given how much relics they <s>steal</s> acquire, they may be trying to come to good terms with other chapters by spreading their loot around. With that being said, it is also entirely possibly that it serves as a way of fencing stolen goods: take stuff, disguise true origins, and then offer the things back to their original owners with the certainty that they will reject it as an inferior copy of something they think they still have in their armory.

<gallery>
Image:trinkets.jpg|Ragnar Blackmane was suppose to be given a Power Axe by the Blood Raven artificers. He told them to screw off. <s>Probably lost his wolf mantle afterwards too</s>
File:Gift.jpg|Said Power Axe.
File:Fist's Hammer.jpg|[[Darnath Lysander]] is not amused.
File:Russ Axe.jpg|The Space Wolves can't resist trolling the Blood Ravens. They were less amused when they discovered a similar axe disappeared from their arsenal.
File:DA Plasma gun.jpg|[[Troll|Problem]], [[Dark Angels]]?
File:AzraelsSecond.png|"He mad?" "Pretty sure he mad."
</gallery>

== Daily Rituals ==

04:00 - Rousing from slumber. The Ravens get up from their beds, which they got as a 'gift'.

05:00 - Morning Prayer. They pray to the emperor to grant them the right to 'borrow' chaos, xenos and imperial relics.

06:00 - Morning Firing Rites. The Blood Ravens hone in their skills with the ammunition 'graciously gifted' by fellow Astartes chapters.

07:00 - Battle Practice. The 'Ravens practice heists and tactical pickpocketing on Imperial worlds.

11:00 - Psychic checkup. The Blood Ravens does their daily psychic checkup on who can be a Librarian that will help the Blood Ravens locate the best loot to 'borrow' from.

12:00 - Midday Prayer.

13:00 - Midday Meal. they eat some food they got from other chapters or civilians. As such, food varies daily.

13:15 - Tactical Indoctrination. Blood Ravens are informed on which wargear they have to steal.

15:00 - Battle Practice. the ravens learn how to elude Arbites or chaos guards.

20:00 - Evening Prayer.

21:00 - Evening Meal. A feast is provided by the Chapter serfs, who got them as 'presents'.

21:45 - Night Firing Exercises. The Blood Ravens practice formations in the dark to further hone in their 'skills'. Any marine who end up trying to steal another Blood Raven's wargears for "Extra ammunition" is disciplined.

23:00 - Maintenance Rituals. the ravens try to maintain their gears, try to disguise them as their own.

23:45 - Free Time. They try to steal from chaos and xenos here. Some play ancient Terran video games known as Grand Theft Auto and Payday on their Cogitators to hone their skills.

00:00 - Rest Period. The ravens return to 'their' beds.

==The (Incomplete) Loot List==
* [http://lparchive.org/Dawn-of-War-II/Update%2042/ Many of the weapons and armor the Magpies have been "gifted"]
* [http://lparchive.org/Dawn-of-War-II/Update%2043/ More items. Curiously, none of them are gifts.]
* The Squats.

{{Marines-Official}}

Blood Bowl

2016-12-29T06:19:31Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File: BloodBowlMain.jpg|500px|left|thumb|The box art. Showing that Blood bowl is about [[Ork|fightin and winning]].]]
This game was created by [[Jervis Johnson|Jervis Johnson]]. 'nuff said.

'''Blood Bowl''' is a game set in the [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]] universe. In-universe, it is a sports game somewhat like American Football but with a level of violence more akin to Canadian Ice Hockey. The in-universe explanation of the game is that during a battle between Dwarfs and Night Goblins, they found a chest of rulebooks, magazines, and brochures detailing "Amorikan Footbowl" and after the Dwarf sage interpreted them (going mad in the process) they played the game to settle the battle, the game then growing in popularity and entirely replacing war in the Warhammer universe during seasons. Otherwise it's the same setting as [[Warhammer Fantasy]], and may even be the exact same if you want to think that it is. It is played by teams from each of the major factions who set aside their differences for the duration of the season. Out-of-universe, it is a game where each player manages a Blood Bowl team as they accumulate experience and injuries.
[[File:Jim & Bob.jpeg|thumb|right|300px|Jim and Bob as seen in Blood Bowl 2.]]
[[File:Jim and Bob Art.png|thumb|right|300px|Jim and Bob from the old Blood Bowl art.]]
[[File:Jim and Bob Minis.jpeg|thumb|right|300px|Jim and Bob miniatures, named the wrong way round, which can be purchased [http://www.comixininos.com/blood-bowl-teams/entrenadores-medicos-animadoras/set-of-2-fantasy-football-commentators-fanath-art.html here.]]]
During seasons all wars in the world stop since Blood Bowl takes precedence above all other facets of life, even in the Warp. There used to be multiple leagues, but now only one survives. [[High Elves]] and the wizards of the [[Empire]] maintain crystal ball networks similar to television stations that show programs filmed with Campaigns for Real Arcanery (or Camras) with recorded images and sounds sent via a spell called Cabalvision. Each station is named with the same acronyms as real world stations with them meaning more humorous things (NBC=Necromancers Broadcasting Circle, Channel 7 CBS=Crystal Ball Service, and so on), although only one (ABC=Association of Broadcasting Conjurers) has the rights to broadcast Blood Bowl games. The announcers of all league Blood Bowl matches are a vampire named Jim, and an Ogre retired player named Bob Bifford. In the video game, the two talk CONSTANTLY to the point of annoyance. On the tabletop, they do absolutely nothing but had little minis you could buy to make your playing table look more complete (although with the advent of the video game, players sometimes imitate them to mock the opposing player, resulting in a well deserved miniature down the windpipe).

It was produced by [[Specialist Games]] for a long time, <s>but now like all the other Specialist Games it is on [[Games Workshop]]'s back burner</s> ACTUALLY! Games Workshop has announced a new Blood Bowl box containing basic Human and Orc teams, to be released in early November 2016. Additionally, there's a couple of computer games based on it (with a sequel to the most recent in the works!) that is almost the exact same as the tabletop (going as far as to use the Blood Bowl tabletop handbook for the rules in the video game), and a [[card game]] by [[Fantasy Flight Games]].

== The Game Itself ==

A NEW EDITION HAS BEEN LAUNCHED, SO PLEASE AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE LET'S START WORKING ON THAT, IT CAN BE AWESOME!

Blood Bowl is a game where the player assumes the role of a team manager and trainer. The objective of the game is simple on paper: score as many "Touchdowns" (that's reaching the rival's deepest row of squares with a player controlling the ball) while you try to not let the opponent not score any. The reality is a crappy mess. With the abilities of the different players, the high risk of losing turn (even a bad pace that makes your player kiss the field WILL make you lose your turn) and the match random events (you thought that [[Daemon]]s are random? THINK AGAIN) which can muck your plans in no time. Even with that, Blood Bowl is a long favorite and [[awesome]], because of the sheer levels of humor in the [https://www.bloodbowlonline.com/LivingRulebook5.pdf rulebook] and the aforementioned random events that will either fuck you, your opponent or both.

The game lends itself well to a continued campaign or "season", not just individual matches. With A LOT of abilities (including mutations) and a streamlined but good promotion system it's quite easy and fun make your own league between friends, while accumulating "Star Player points" (exp. points) and injuries.

== Da Teamz ==

There are a CRAZY HUGE (21 in the board game, 23 in the video game) selection of teams out there. While many of them are mere variations of other teams, some have their own play-styles and players. Almost all are races of [[Warhammer Fantasy]], so little surprises there. All teams have cheerleader options which can influence the random events, and are purchased like players.

'''Amazons''': They may not get even mentioned in Warhammer Fantasy Battles, but the lovely ladies of Lustria get their own Blood Bowl team! Their armor is pretty low and they're below average in speed, but can dodge better than Dark Elves. Otherwise they play like Humans, including their player choices (except Lineman is Linewoman). Dwarfs can bash them up royally but otherwise they're a pretty good team. Probably one of the strongest teams to start with and hands down the easiest for new players to learn the game with. Amazons tend have problems when the Tackle skill becomes common, or when any member of their team takes a permanent injury as they have decidedly average stats and are considered the defining midrange team: They play heavy bashing against elves, skaven and goblins but play passing and running against Chaos or Khemri.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Linewoman.jpg|Amazon Linewoman as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Blitzer.jpg|Amazon Blitzer as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Thrower.jpg|Amazon Thrower as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Catcher.jpg|Amazon Catcher as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara The Slayer as seen on the Amazon team.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morth'n'Thorg as seen on the Amazon team.
</gallery>

'''[[Chaos Dwarfs]]''': As Dwarfs, they're very slow. They have stronger players than the Dwarfs as well as some much less skilled, fragile, and cheaper players if you need them. This mix makes them more like Undead, though they have more starting skills and more highly armoured players. They have low agility and have trouble getting or keeping the ball. The Minotaur likes to do whatever the hell he wants. That said they can do some crazy stuff like run a heavy line of Chaos Dwarfs that will mess up the enemy line and then make what would otherwise be a crazy mad pass and dash using the Hobgoblins and Bull Centaur.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Chaos Dwarf Blocker.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Blocker as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Bull Minotaur.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Bull Minotuar as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Bull Centaur.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Bull Centaur as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Chaos Dwarf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Grashnak Blackhoof.jpg|Grashnak Blackhoof as seen on the Chaos Dwarf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Zzharg Madeye.jpg|Zzharg Madeye, a Chaos Dwarf specific character.
</gallery>

'''[[Chaos]]''': The rulebook states that Chaos teams only worries about scoring touchdowns when more than half of the opponent team are either unconscious, injured or dead; and the reality isn't far from that. Maybe one of the heaviest-hitters of the game, Chaos is focused in crippling the enemy team and has the potential to do so. Their players are the [[Beastmen]](crossover between meatshield and hitting support) and [[Warriors of Chaos]] (multipurpose, but better in defense and hitting). Their big guy is the Minotaur, who will ignore you unless you order him to [[Khorne|crush someone's spine or crack open his skull]]. Often the terms Claw-POMB, Murder Chaos and Blackbox Chaos get thrown around with Chaos, it refers to a powerful build (both player and team) that Chaos can easily get that translates to making mildly bruising hits into brutal executions on the pitch, they come from one particular online community that has a special Bloodbowl league that functions as a fight club for Blood Bowl fans. Noteable is that their original cheerleader mini was a [[Daemonette]] with 4 boobs wearing a [[Commissar]] hat.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Chaos Warrior.jpg|Chaos Warrior as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Beastman.jpg|Chaos Beastmen as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Minotaur.jpg|Chaos Minotaur as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Grashnak Blackhoof.jpg|Grashnak Blackhoof as seen on the Chaos team.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Lord Borak The Despoiler.jpg|Lord Borak the Despoiler, a Chaos specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Chaos team.
Image:Chaos Cheerleaders BB 1.jpeg|Daemonette Cheerleaders, as seen in the video game.
</gallery>

'''[[Dark Elves]]''': All four Elven teams share some common traits: they're squishy, even more than the Humans; and are extremely agile (read: ANNOYING). It's hard to keep an Elf stopped, but when you do most surely they will end in the medical tent. Dark Elves are not the fastest Elf team, but they have the agility scores to ensure it's unlikely you'll get to actually hit or even touch them coupled with armor making it unlikely you'll damage them either. Their passing is kinda bad, so it's more of a running and avoiding game. Dark Elves share a fair bit of commonality with Amazons, despite being wussy elves they can hit very hard with their Assassins and Witch Elves when played right, though they still tend towards a more nimble game to the team of psychotic lady warriors.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Lineman.jpg|Dark Elf Lineman as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Blitzer.jpg|Dark Elf Blitzer as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Runner.jpg|Dark Elf Runner as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Assassin.jpg|Dark Elf Assassin as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Witch Elf.jpg|Dark Elf Witch Elf as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Horkon Heartripper.jpg|Horkon Heartripper, a Dark Elf specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Eldril Sidewinder.jpg|Eldril Sidewinder as seen on the Dark Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Dark Elf team.
</gallery>

'''[[Dwarfs]]''': Highest armor. The dwarfs like to keep their pace, which is a nice way of saying they run slower than snails. They're not fast or agile, but strong and resistant. They favor defensive or conservative tactics, and have the prowess to stop Chaos on their tracks. With that said, they're not agile or fast so any Elf can outflank them and ignore them as if they weren't even there. Their players are the Longbeard (meatshield? and defenders), Runner (the guy who get the ball and toddle along a bit before snails catch up to him), Blitzer (offensive) and Slayer (HIGHLY offensive). Their big guy is a Dwarf on a [[Ork|Deffrolla]], which is illegal according to the rules but since the rules actually make a point of saying that there's a system for referee bribing and how much illegal weapons you can bring onto the field don't expect the Dwarf players to leave it at home. Refs won't look the other way for too long though, so it can be an ace in your sleeve rather than a [[Bloodthirster]] on the field.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Blocker.jpg|Dwarf Blocker as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Blitzer.jpg|Dwarf Blitzer as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Runner.jpg|Dwarf Runner as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Troll Slayer.jpg|Dwarf Slayer as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Deathroller.jpg|Deathroller as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Grim Ironjaw.jpg|Grim Ironjaw, a Dwarf specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the Dwarf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Dwarf team.
</gallery>

'''Elves''': The Elf team from older editions that survives to the current day. Representative of all the Elves being in one team, they have low armor, high speed, and high dodge. Cheap as far as Elf teams go. Best catching in all the Elf teams, allowing a decent pass to be caught in the middle of a crowd of Ogres. Generally held to be the best elf team as they are suited for a variety of plays that elf teams can run without being wholly dependant on any one style. Except bashing. Not even "Pro-Elves" can run bashing teams.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Lineman.jpg|Elf Lineman as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Blitzer.jpg|Elf Blitzer as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Thrower.jpg|Elf Thrower as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Catcher.jpg|Elf Catcher as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Jordell Freshbreeze.jpg|Jordell Freshbreeze as seen on the Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Eldril Sidewinder.jpg|Eldril Sidewinder as seen on the Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Elf team.
</gallery>

'''Goblins''': In addition to being present in the [[Orcs and Goblins|Orcs]] team, [[Orcs and Goblins|Goblins]] have their own team too. Terrible at literally everything other than catching (fat lot of good catching without knowing how to pass does you). They get two Trolls (which can throw a Goblin, resulting in a one-turn touchdown at times), and they get to bring weapons to the field. Goblins bring chainsaws onto the pitch. Reread that a few times. They also get to bring in a lot of replacements, making them second to Undead teams for tournament play. They also benefit from being small and hard to tackle. Goblins work well in smaller leagues, that aren't filled with Murder Chaos, by pretty much stopping any player from having a highly developed goal scorer by dint of focusing with that chainsaw upon said player's spinal cord.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Goblin.jpg|Goblin Goblin as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Fanatic.jpg|Goblin Fanatic as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Bombadier.jpg|Goblin Bombadier as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Pogoer.jpg|Goblin Pogoer as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Looney.jpg|Goblin Looney as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Troll.jpg|Goblin Troll as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Ripper.jpg|Goblin Ripper as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Scrappa Sorehead.jpg|Scrappa Sorehead, a Goblin specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Goblin team.
</gallery>

'''Halflings''': The halflings of the Moot in the Empire (AKA mini [[Ogre Kingdoms|Ogres]]) are the hardest team to play. Terrible at literally everything, other than the same small bonus Goblins have as well as having a lot of replacements. They also get more Treemen than Wood Elves do, similar to Goblins getting two Trolls. If you are playing Halflings its because you do not care about winning.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Halfling.jpg|Halfling as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Treeman.jpg|Halfling Treeman as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Deeproot Strongbranch.jpg|Deeproot Strongbranch, a Halfling specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the Halfling team.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Halfling team.
</gallery>

'''[[High elves]]''': The Humans of the Elf teams in the sense they have the more moderate numbers, and hence less outright weaknesses. Campaigns and tournaments where money is a thing have them with the most starting funds of any team. If you're playing High Elves, you're probably doing a LOT of passing and running. (Or, in other words, [[Heresy|playing actual football]].) High Elves are the best of the elf teams for newcomers to play as they have the most reliable passing game and decent stats for elves. That said you should never let a newbie play them right out of the gate as they will never learn what blitzing and throwing blocks are.

<gallery>
Image:High Ball.png
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Lineman.jpg|High Elf Lineman as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Blitzer.jpg|High Elf Blitzer as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Thrower.jpg|High Elf Thrower as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Catcher.jpg|High Elf Catcher as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Eldril Sidewinder.jpg|Eldril Sidewinder as seen on the High Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the High Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the High Elf team.
</gallery>

'''Humans''': As in almost all other games, the humans are the "medium grade". Not good in anything, but not bad either. This versatility makes them good for every tactic you imagine, but watch out, they WILL be bested in the preferred style of the rival. Their players are the Blitzer (for melee fighting), Thrower (the passing guy), Catcher (the guy who receives said passes) and Lineman (meatshields). Mostly these guys represent the [[Empire]], but since [[Bretonnia]] has no Blood Bowl equivalent it's not a far throw to paint them in heraldry either. In the videogame they also have an Ogre as their "Big guy".

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Human Lineman.jpg|Human Lineman as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Blitzer.jpg|Human Blitzer as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Thrower.jpg|Human Thrower as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Catcher.jpg|Human Catcher as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Ogre.jpg|Human Ogre as seen in the video game.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Griff Oberwald.jpg|Griff Oberwald, a Human specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the Human team.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Human team.
</gallery>

'''Khemri''' The [[Tomb Kings]] Blood Bowl <strike>army</strike> team. INSANELY tough mummies, cheap skeletons, and they regenerate. HORRIBLE agility, if they lose the ball your only hope is to kill the sneaky git who picked it up and hold it by his severed hand. Khemri boasts some of the best big guys on the basis that they do not spend three quarters of the match staring blankly into space, Tomb Guardians are ''reliable'', except for when they get the ball, then you should do whatever you can to get them to score as they cannot be trusted with the ball. On the plus side, the odds of your opponent being able to tackle the ball off him are practically zero as you have full control over your big guy and he will need to seriously stack bonuses to avoid the dread "Roll block dice and defender chooses" outcome. Also because of this boon of 4 Tomb Guardians, Khemri can form cages that are almost impossible for some teams to break. Another funny thing is the Thro-Ra, which you would assume throws passes, as there is no one able to catch and your Thro-Ra is AG2 for a dedicated ball handling role, you should be using it as a Run-ra, preferably with Tomb Guardians caging him.

'''[[Khorne]] (Videogame only)''': One word: [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTER]]. The [[Khorne]] team is more [[Daemon]] oriented than other teams with only the Linemen equivalent (Pit Fighter) being a Warrior of Chaos. Team stars Heralds, [[Bloodletter]]s and [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTERS]]. Also Marauders, but are over shadowed by the Daemons. About on-par in power terms with Chaos, but uncontrollable and bad defenders. Only if you want to go full offensive. Did I mention [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTER]]? Just to be sure that you get the picture. They've also got decent armor and speed. Best team to play if you don't want to win, but would rather surf (knock opposing players into the crowd who promptly beat 17 kinds of snot of them for leaving the pitch) opposing players and then try to win when their opponent has only 4 players on the pitch. Against other bashing teams they're usually forced to surf and use Frenzy blocks to gain position advantage instead of trying to headstomp their way forward.

'''[[Lizardmen]]''' For some reason, the Slann cared enough to put together a team (or maybe the Skinks do?). Lizardmen have very specialized players, with the Saurus being high damage speedsters akin to little mac trucks, but should never touch the ball as they have no ability to do anything with it. Skinks are badass runners who are as hard to hit as Goblins or Halflings, but if they lose the ball it'll stay lost. Kroxigars can barely move, but god help you if you get too close. You've got to have a plan (or hope the Old Ones had one you can dust off) to use this team.

<gallery>
Image:Skittles.png
</gallery>

'''Necromantic''' Ordinary Undead. Kinda old school gothic horror with zombies, werewolves, skeletons, and a flesh golem. Flesh golems are your Treemen who block like gods but can barely walk, werewolves are high damage high speed blitzers. It's basically the Undead team but a bit better on offense and faster to boot. Tends to play more blitz-down-and-hand-off-the-ball than regular Undead, though if you leave werewolves open your opponent's heavy hitters will start the second half with a nice set of wolf fur coats. Necromantic teams without their werewolves are just gimped Undead teams.

'''[[Viking|Norsemen]]''': The lighter armored [[Warriors of Chaos]]. Much like the vanilla humans, but more expensive and better in fighting. Don't expect them to be Warriors of Chaos entirely; they have lower survivability than even regular Humans. They have also all the kinds of player of the humans (albeit under different names, Norse Lineman, Runners, Throwers, Berserkers, Yhetee[Snow Troll], Ulfwerener), which makes them better that their southern cousins if you want a combination of tactical genius and melee power. They're the best blockers in the game. Norse teams play best on the offence but run into problems against better bashing teams where they are forced to pass the ball.

'''[[Nurgle]]''': Nurgle flavored [[Warriors of Chaos]]. Less hitter and more conservative than the vanilla Chaos. They have almost every player in Chaos teams, but also a few exclusive: the Rotter (Defensive and in middle of beastmen and CW in def/atk), and the Beast of Nurgle (an ugly bastard "Big guy" who can stop any player too close to him just by being ugly and awful... and supid). They regenerate and have abilities to make anyone too close to them into muckups, which is nice. A good team if you like to make formation plays. A bad team if you want to try anything dynamic or mobile.

'''Ogres''' [[Ogre Kingdoms]] team, probably financed by Greasus alone. A team of the best overall players in the game, rounded out by snotlings which are cheaper than goblins OR halflings. Problem? Stupidity to the last. They do whatever the heck they want, and you're not a coach as much as a 2 foot tall shepherd with a weak cattle prod trying to get them to do something, anything useful. Good for shenanigans, bad for competitive play. Can work okay against bashing teams as they aren't easy to bully, but the trade-off is that you're going to be drawn more often than any kind of result that will net you star player points.

[[Ork|'''Orcs''']]: [[Orcs and Goblins]] team. Somewhat reminiscent of the humans, but much more focused on fucking the shit out of your opponent. Somewhat versatile with Orcs as your slow hitters and Goblins as your fast runners, but focused in fightin' and winnin' more than anything (as it should be). Their players are the Black Orc Blocker (defender and heavy-hitter), Blitzer (as humans), Thrower (as humans, again) and Lineman (once again). Recently they have also Goblins (sneaky and squishy). Their Big guy is the Troll, who has to be babysitted because it's so fucking stupid that he won't even know where he is half of the time. Luckily, he can throw Goblins (who in turn can throw the ball). Overall they're actually a little easier for newbies to pick up as instead of everyone being pretty average, the team has a few guys who are just specialized enough various areas to be effective.

'''[[Skaven]]''' TACKLETACKLE THE MANTHINGS! Highest speed in the game, fairly cheap too. Lots of ability upgrades too. Finally, bonuses from being small to avoiding harm. But they get hurt very easily if they do get hit, so when you get a nice tough star player you're considering making his own unique mini gets into the next match, an Elf sits on him and pops his intestines out. So now the undead team has him... Infamous for being able to run the 1 turn touch down play in its purest form. Letting Skaven have access to your backline is bad news.

'''[[Undead]]''': The old school Warhammer Undead, where [[Tomb Kings]] and [[Vampire Counts]] were one army. The undead are better in leagues and campaigns than sole matches. Their players are not very agile (which does not suit them for throwing and catching, even less for escaping) and lack strength and armor. So they more or less suck at everything other than moderate damage dealing. On the other side they're often cheap. But their true strength is that they can recover from injuries and death (they're undead, after all) and stand up next part like nothing happened. That said, this improved ability to handle setbacks does not make them newb friendly, as they struggle to play the more obvious plays to beginners without a few stat boosts.

'''Underworld''': It's just Goblins and Skaven in one team. They mutate on the drop of a hat and gain lots of fun abilities, they're pretty cheap, they can benefit from being small. That being said, they have shit stats and the team infights so passing is difficult. The upside is that you get to combine a lot of nastiness with a lot of speed, if you want to play a team like goblins but actually have a chance to win a small league, Underworld fits that niche better.

'''Vampires''': [[Vampire Counts]] team. Badass Vampire players with fun exclusive abilities and regeneration, and cheap Thralls. Crap blocking and difficulty passing or catching. In addition they have to feed on a player and knock them out or your Vamps run off the pitch as injured. That said, if you can get used to planning for the bloodthirst, Vampires are pretty effective bordering on being overpowered; if they get any stat boosts you're going to be looking at players that score more goals in a game than the number of yards they run. Seeing Agility 6 vampires is not unheard of and in terms that people who don't play BloodBowl would understand this means that you cannot expect to stop them from scoring without completely surrounding them and not allowing a single vacant square.

'''[[Wood Elves (Warhammer)|Wood Elves]]''': Highest speed in the entire game. But you could blow on one and crack a few of their ribs. They get Treemen as a giant blocker, but they don't tend to do much good. That being said, literally ANY of your players could score next turn and that makes them a very unpredictable opponent. They handle the ball like gods but you really don't want them to be close to anything tougher than a snotling. A lot of the official writings for Blood Bowl say that Wood Elves like the long pass playstyle, this is utter nonsense, as they literally have no benefits to long passes compared to safer close passing and running which they do much better without risking losing the ball.

'''Slann'''(Not in the video game): Ancient leapy space-frogs. The Slann team are kinda squishy, but the entire team starts with Leap and Very Long Legs, meaning that they can more-or-less ignore most defensive plays you can make to stop them. Wall of Dorfs with tackle? Leap. Cage? Leap. On offence, again, they're just going to jump all over the place to bugger you up. Downsides is that there is no inherent reroll for leap (barring Pro), so they live on the 2+/3+s. Also, no one starts with block, but everyone (minus kroxi) has access, so not much of a problem.

'''Chaos Pact'''(Not in the video game):
A massively underrated team. Some of the best linemen in the game, Marauders, have average stats (6338), but what makes them amazing is their skill access. They can take '''any''' skill on a normal roll except agility, including mutations, so with a few levels you can build them into anything. That's not even the best part. They have 3 big guys (a Troll, an Ogre and a Minotaur), plus they get a Goblin, a Skaven and a Dark Elf. Everyone can mutate on at least a double, most on singles, so you essentially have a hugely diverse team that's very hard to counter. When you have to deal with a Big-Hand Two-Heads Nerves of Steel Goblin picking up a ball in a cage and pass to a Very Long Legs/Leap Dark Elf, you will know how tough these guys are. Also, '''three fucking big guys with mutations'''. Damn.

'''Bretonnians''': Bretonnians aren't official yet, but they are going to make an appearance as one of the starting races of Blood Bowl 2 by Cyanide. The roster that is currently generally accepted is not bad. Basically humans with shittier linemen and better blitzers. Knights with 7338 and Catch, Block and Dauntless as standard make interesting players, and everyone else starts with either wrestle or fend. Downsides is that the Knights are the crux of the team: start losing them, and you're going to fail. That, and their skills are a bit all over the place. There aren't many situations where you'd want to use both Dauntless ''and'' Catch. Also, not amazing skill access.

== Video Games ==

In 1995, an MS-DOS version of Blood Bowl was released.
In 2004, a French video game company made a game called Chaos League which was a real-time ripoff of Blood Bowl. [[Games Workshop]] sued them, as GW is wont to do from time to time, and they settled out of court for GW to have partial rights to Chaos League, making it an official Blood Bowl game. It was re-released in 2009 as Blood Bowl officially and used a turn-based system.
In 2007 the Chaos League turned Blood Bowl game was released for Nintendo DS, PSP, and Xbox 360.
In 2010, Chaos League turned Blood Bowl was re-released for computers only as a legendary edition on Steam and had all the races of the tabletop game. It was then re-released on Steam (so the 2004 game Chaos League is now up to 7 re-releases if you were keeping track) as Chaos Edition which brought non-tabletop teams of Underworld, Chaos Dwarf, and Khorne teams as well as having a graphics bump.
In 2013, a sequel to the game was (finally) announced. Graphics are HD quality, the Bretonnians have their own team, and the animations are beautiful while Jim and Bob get much less repetitive. The single player campaign is also now fun rather than a chore, and involves taking the Reikland Reavers on a comeback (which Bob joins, in his enthusiasm). While many were <strike>butthurt</strike> disappointed by the lack of races at launch, people who <strike>aren't looking for an excuse to bitch</strike> are better informed were quick to point out Blood Bowl 1 is a heap of former DLC and Expansions bundled into the main game now while 2 is just starting out how 1 did.
Blood Bowl: Kerrunch is an iPhone and Tablet game, which is like Blood Bowl 2 with only five players on each team and unlockable player rosters.

== The Great Backstabbing ==

Way back in the early 90's, Blood Bowl 3e was released, the first recognizable edition from today's point of view in terms of mechanics, teams and RPG elements. Shortly afterwards, we got an expansion box called '''Deathzone''' (back in the days, [[Games Workshop|GW]] in its [[Profit|unending wisdom]] made their players pay twice for stuff one would consider <s>optional</s> essential corebook material today, like magic rules and wargear). And for a while everything was good.

Some time after 2000, with the introduction of the eventually doomed Fanatic section, 3e was updated and JJ announced that from now on, Blood Bowl's rules would be constantly updated and optimized with significant player input in the form of the Blood Bowl Rules Committe (BBRC), consisting of JJ himself, Doubleskulls and GalakStarscraper among other [[Neckbeard|neckbeards]]. Many brix were shat in face of the sheer [[Awesome|awesomeness]] of this decision. The Living Rulebook (LRB) had arrived and for a while everything was awesome.

LRB 5 came and went, LRB 5+ came and went, FUMBBL came and stuck around even in times of Cyanide's video game, Galak had taken over the ''de facto'' role of Blood Bowl's lead designer without pay in his spare time, when in 2009, with the long anticipated release of LRB 6 (lots of players were unsatisfied with LRB 5+) suddenly this:

<blockquote>'''Oh my God ... that is what I gave up 5 years of my life for ... wow.''' 

'''Werewolves with 2 different stat lines (they could have gone with a Bear ... they still sell bear figures)''' 

'''Page references where the pages are not present.''' 

'''The Rat Ogre one was my typo ... and damn I really thought I had triple checked all of that ... have no idea how that got through as a typo ... so don't blame GW for that one.''' 

'''The credits page is gone ... so GW won't even acknowledge the folks that gave up so much time to bring this.''' 

'''And the idea that folks should play LRB 1.0 because its less cut-throat ... that's lawyer speak for Jervis being told that we don't want to push these rules over the ones printed and in the boxed set (so all you should feel free to go back to LRB 1.0).''' 

'''Jervis should be ashamed (I have no other word) for what he's allowed legal to do to him.''' 

'''Galak'''</blockquote>

GW, big lying [[Big Bad Evil Guy|megacorp]] they are, had stabbed everyone in the back: Promises of including LRB 6 in the base game box were broken. No credits for the actual game developers (ie Galak, who also got kicked out later, and the BBRC) to be found anywhere. [[Waterboarding|Waterboarding]] and blackmailing JJ with threats of [[Anal circumference|giant dildos]] until only an [[Servitor|empty husk]] was left. And worst of all, a LRB 6 that was merely a skeleton rulebook without everything that made Blood Bowl awesome - no fluff, no ''Did You Know...'' boxes, no artwork. Of course, players instantly realized the huge amount of [[FAIL|fail]] that called itself the Competition Rules Pack and immediately saw to it that a proper LRB 6 was made available but the damage was already done.

== The Card Game ==

Oh and Fantasy Flight Games released a card game called "Blood Bowl: Team Manager - The Card Game". Its not bad if you think of it less as an adaptation of Blood Bowl to a card game format and more of a game based around the concept of being a weekly wrap up and/or highlights of the week kind of sports show and the coaches are able to decide what kind of amazing plays of sporting prowess happen on Cabalvision. Only the sport in question is Blood Bowl and the highlights are considered brutal acts of (mostly) unarmed assault or murder in most sane legal jurisdictions. Very true to the humour of Blood Bowl and more inviting for newcomers, play a few games with them and they are much less likely to be put off by the steep learning curve and random fuck you nature of actual Blood Bowl.

== Glossary of Blood Bowl Terms ==

* '''Bashy/Bashing Teams:''' All Blood Bowl teams can be described as existing on a specific place on a spectrum of combat focused to ball play focused. The term "Bash" is used to describe teams that are closer to the combat side and frequently when two of these teams are matched an important distinction is which is the better bashing team as the other will have to play around the fact that they are not hitting as hard or taking hits better than the other team. Bashing teams tend to be very intimidating for teams that are ball play focused like Elves as they have lower AV and ST which means they cannot deter Blocks and are more likely to suffer injury rolls from successful armour break rolls.

* '''Cage:''' A very standard formation play to protect a ball carrier, the cage is organized with the ball carrier in the centre and friendly, preferably beefy, player standing on each square diagonally adjacent to the ball carrier. No other players should be adjacent to the ball carrier to avoid chain-pushes opening cage and the cage should not end its turn with enemy players adjacent to the corners. This formation is popular because opponents must waste time taking out the corner players or try and blitz the ball carrier by moving through the tackle zones of two players and being forced to make a dodge roll.

* '''Chain-Pushing:''' When during a block the attacking player chooses a result that pushes an opponent (Defender Pushed, Defender Stumbles, Defender Down) and there are no free spaces for them to be pushed into, the attacking player may choose to move them into an occupied square and then they may choose to move the occupant of that square into any available squares in the direction of the push. If there are no free squares, the chain-push continues until a player is moved into an unoccupied square. Chain-Pushes punish players who just blob around their ball carrier instead of spacing players and using proper caging formation, as with correct placement, the opponent attacking the blob can expose the ball carrier or get their own players adjacent to the ball carrier which is a very undesirable result.

* '''Stunty:''' An Extraordinary Skill (that means you can't take when you level up but players can start with it) that makes players adept at dodging and avoidance but suffer with passing or throwing blocks, it also describes teams where all or the majority of players possess this trait and how it defines their playstyle where they can no longer make standard plays and instead need to play very specific strategies to win or at least draw (All Stunty teams are joke teams).

* '''Surf:''' As in to "Crowd Surf", to knock an opposing player off the field and into the crowd removing them for the drive and having the crowd beat them (sometimes to death) for their cowardice and unamusing play.

==Obtaining Miniatures==
Since Blood Bowl, like all <strike>of Games Workshop's GOOD games</strike> Specialist Games, is under renewal by the new Specialist Games Team!. The first advice for someone wanting Blood Bowl minis is to check eBay and Bartertown, but many model companies have stepped up and produced various "fantasy football" lines.

Just kidding, it's available now! With Orc and Human teams in the box. Skaven are also out in plastic, other teams will be made (not known if plastic, or resin.).
So far confirmed;
Dark, High, Wood, and Union, Elf Teams.
Dwarf
Nurgle

* [http://www.comixininos.com Comixininos]

== External Links ==
* [http://www.fantasyflightgames.com/edge_minisite.asp?eidm=130&enmi=Blood%20Bowl:%20Team%20Manager Blood Bowl: Team Manager - The Card Game], by [[Fantasy Flight Games]].
*[http://www.bloodbowlonline.com/LivingRulebook5.pdf] The rules

{{Specialist-Games}}

[[Category:Board Games]]

Blood Bowl

2016-12-29T06:14:29Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File: BloodBowlMain.jpg|500px|left|thumb|The box art. Showing that Blood bowl is about [[Ork|fightin and winning]].]]
This game was created by [[Jervis Johnson|Jervis Johnson]]. 'nuff said.

'''Blood Bowl''' is a game set in the [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]] universe. In-universe, it is a sports game somewhat like American Football but with a level of violence more akin to Canadian Ice Hockey. The in-universe explanation of the game is that during a battle between Dwarfs and Night Goblins, they found a chest of rulebooks, magazines, and brochures detailing "Amorikan Footbowl" and after the Dwarf sage interpreted them (going mad in the process) they played the game to settle the battle, the game then growing in popularity and entirely replacing war in the Warhammer universe during seasons. Otherwise it's the same setting as [[Warhammer Fantasy]], and may even be the exact same if you want to think that it is. It is played by teams from each of the major factions who set aside their differences for the duration of the season. Out-of-universe, it is a game where each player manages a Blood Bowl team as they accumulate experience and injuries.
[[File:Jim & Bob.jpeg|thumb|right|300px|Jim and Bob as seen in Blood Bowl 2.]]
[[File:Jim and Bob Art.png|thumb|right|300px|Jim and Bob from the old Blood Bowl art.]]
[[File:Jim and Bob Minis.jpeg|thumb|right|300px|Jim and Bob miniatures, named the wrong way round, which can be purchased [http://www.comixininos.com/blood-bowl-teams/entrenadores-medicos-animadoras/set-of-2-fantasy-football-commentators-fanath-art.html here.]]]
During seasons all wars in the world stop since Blood Bowl takes precedence above all other facets of life, even in the Warp. There used to be multiple leagues, but now only one survives. [[High Elves]] and the wizards of the [[Empire]] maintain crystal ball networks similar to television stations that show programs filmed with Campaigns for Real Arcanery (or Camras) with recorded images and sounds sent via a spell called Cabalvision. Each station is named with the same acronyms as real world stations with them meaning more humorous things (NBC=Necromancers Broadcasting Circle, Channel 7 CBS=Crystal Ball Service, and so on), although only one (ABC=Association of Broadcasting Conjurers) has the rights to broadcast Blood Bowl games. The announcers of all league Blood Bowl matches are a vampire named Jim, and an Ogre retired player named Bob Bifford. In the video game, the two talk CONSTANTLY to the point of annoyance. On the tabletop, they do absolutely nothing but had little minis you could buy to make your playing table look more complete (although with the advent of the video game, players sometimes imitate them to mock the opposing player, resulting in a well deserved miniature down the windpipe).

It was produced by [[Specialist Games]] for a long time, <s>but now like all the other Specialist Games it is on [[Games Workshop]]'s back burner</s> ACTUALLY! Games Workshop has announced a new Blood Bowl box containing basic Human and Orc teams, to be released in early November 2016. Additionally, there's a couple of computer games based on it (with a sequel to the most recent in the works!) that is almost the exact same as the tabletop (going as far as to use the Blood Bowl tabletop handbook for the rules in the video game), and a [[card game]] by [[Fantasy Flight Games]].

== The Game Itself ==

A NEW EDITION HAS BEEN LAUNCHED, SO PLEASE AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE LET'S START WORKING ON THAT, IT CAN BE AWESOME!

Blood Bowl is a game where the player assumes the role of a team manager and trainer. The objective of the game is simple on paper: score as many "Touchdowns" (that's reaching the rival's deepest row of squares with a player controlling the ball) while you try to not let the opponent not score any. The reality is a crappy mess. With the abilities of the different players, the high risk of losing turn (even a bad pace that makes your player kiss the field WILL make you lose your turn) and the match random events (you thought that [[Daemon]]s are random? THINK AGAIN) which can muck your plans in no time. Even with that, Blood Bowl is a long favorite and [[awesome]], because of the sheer levels of humor in the [https://www.bloodbowlonline.com/LivingRulebook5.pdf rulebook] and the aforementioned random events that will either fuck you, your opponent or both.

The game lends itself well to a continued campaign or "season", not just individual matches. With A LOT of abilities (including mutations) and a streamlined but good promotion system it's quite easy and fun make your own league between friends, while accumulating "Star Player points" (exp. points) and injuries.

== Da Teamz ==

There are a CRAZY HUGE (21 in the board game, 23 in the Vidya) selection of teams out there. While many of them are mere variations of other teams, some have their own play-styles and players. Almost all are races of [[Warhammer Fantasy]], so little surprises there. All teams have cheerleader options which can influence the random events, and are purchased like players.

'''Amazons''': They may not get even mentioned in Warhammer Fantasy Battles, but the lovely ladies of Lustria get their own Blood Bowl team! Their armor is pretty low and they're below average in speed, but can dodge better than Dark Elves. Otherwise they play like Humans, including their player choices (except Lineman is Linewoman). Dwarfs can bash them up royally but otherwise they're a pretty good team. Probably one of the strongest teams to start with and hands down the easiest for new players to learn the game with. Amazons tend have problems when the Tackle skill becomes common, or when any member of their team takes a permanent injury as they have decidedly average stats and are considered the defining midrange team: They play heavy bashing against elves, skaven and goblins but play passing and running against Chaos or Khemri.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Linewoman.jpg|Amazon Linewoman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Blitzer.jpg|Amazon Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Thrower.jpg|Amazon Thrower as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Catcher.jpg|Amazon Catcher as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara The Slayer as seen on the Amazon team.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morth'n'Thorg as seen on the Amazon team.
</gallery>

'''[[Chaos Dwarfs]]''': As Dwarfs, they're very slow. They have stronger players than the Dwarfs as well as some much less skilled, fragile, and cheaper players if you need them. This mix makes them more like Undead, though they have more starting skills and more highly armoured players. They have low agility and have trouble getting or keeping the ball. The Minotaur likes to do whatever the hell he wants. That said they can do some crazy stuff like run a heavy line of Chaos Dwarfs that will mess up the enemy line and then make what would otherwise be a crazy mad pass and dash using the Hobgoblins and Bull Centaur.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Chaos Dwarf Blocker.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Blocker as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Bull Minotaur.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Bull Minotuar as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Bull Centaur.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Bull Centaur as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Chaos Dwarf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Grashnak Blackhoof.jpg|Grashnak Blackhoof as seen on the Chaos Dwarf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Zzharg Madeye.jpg|Zzharg Madeye, a Chaos Dwarf specific character.
</gallery>

'''[[Chaos]]''': The rulebook states that Chaos teams only worries about scoring touchdowns when more than half of the opponent team are either unconscious, injured or dead; and the reality isn't far from that. Maybe one of the heaviest-hitters of the game, Chaos is focused in crippling the enemy team and has the potential to do so. Their players are the [[Beastmen]](crossover between meatshield and hitting support) and [[Warriors of Chaos]] (multipurpose, but better in defense and hitting). Their big guy is the Minotaur, who will ignore you unless you order him to [[Khorne|crush someone's spine or crack open his skull]]. Often the terms Claw-POMB, Murder Chaos and Blackbox Chaos get thrown around with Chaos, it refers to a powerful build (both player and team) that Chaos can easily get that translates to making mildly bruising hits into brutal executions on the pitch, they come from one particular online community that has a special Bloodbowl league that functions as a fight club for Blood Bowl fans. Noteable is that their original cheerleader mini was a [[Daemonette]] with 4 boobs wearing a [[Commissar]] hat.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Chaos Warrior.jpg|Chaos Warrior as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Beastman.jpg|Chaos Beastmen as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Minotaur.jpg|Chaos Minotaur as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Grashnak Blackhoof.jpg|Grashnak Blackhoof as seen on the Chaos team.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Lord Borak The Despoiler.jpg|Lord Borak the Despoiler, a Chaos specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Chaos team.
Image:Chaos Cheerleaders BB 1.jpeg|Daemonette Cheerleaders, as seen in the vidya.
</gallery>

'''[[Dark Elves]]''': All four Elven teams share some common traits: they're squishy, even more than the Humans; and are extremely agile (read: ANNOYING). It's hard to keep an Elf stopped, but when you do most surely they will end in the medical tent. Dark Elves are not the fastest Elf team, but they have the agility scores to ensure it's unlikely you'll get to actually hit or even touch them coupled with armor making it unlikely you'll damage them either. Their passing is kinda bad, so it's more of a running and avoiding game. Dark Elves share a fair bit of commonality with Amazons, despite being wussy elves they can hit very hard with their Assassins and Witch Elves when played right, though they still tend towards a more nimble game to the team of psychotic lady warriors.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Lineman.jpg|Dark Elf Lineman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Blitzer.jpg|Dark Elf Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Runner.jpg|Dark Elf Runner as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Assassin.jpg|Dark Elf Assassin as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Witch Elf.jpg|Dark Elf Witch Elf as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Horkon Heartripper.jpg|Horkon Heartripper, a Dark Elf specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Eldril Sidewinder.jpg|Eldril Sidewinder as seen on the Dark Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Dark Elf team.
</gallery>

'''[[Dwarfs]]''': Highest armor. The dwarfs like to keep their pace, which is a nice way of saying they run slower than snails. They're not fast or agile, but strong and resistant. They favor defensive or conservative tactics, and have the prowess to stop Chaos on their tracks. With that said, they're not agile or fast so any Elf can outflank them and ignore them as if they weren't even there. Their players are the Longbeard (meatshield? and defenders), Runner (the guy who get the ball and toddle along a bit before snails catch up to him), Blitzer (offensive) and Slayer (HIGHLY offensive). Their big guy is a Dwarf on a [[Ork|Deffrolla]], which is illegal according to the rules but since the rules actually make a point of saying that there's a system for referee bribing and how much illegal weapons you can bring onto the field don't expect the Dwarf players to leave it at home. Refs won't look the other way for too long though, so it can be an ace in your sleeve rather than a [[Bloodthirster]] on the field.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Blocker.jpg|Dwarf Blocker as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Blitzer.jpg|Dwarf Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Runner.jpg|Dwarf Runner as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Troll Slayer.jpg|Dwarf Slayer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Deathroller.jpg|Deathroller as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Grim Ironjaw.jpg|Grim Ironjaw, a Dwarf specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the Dwarf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Dwarf team.
</gallery>

'''Elves''': The Elf team from older editions that survives to the current day. Representative of all the Elves being in one team, they have low armor, high speed, and high dodge. Cheap as far as Elf teams go. Best catching in all the Elf teams, allowing a decent pass to be caught in the middle of a crowd of Ogres. Generally held to be the best elf team as they are suited for a variety of plays that elf teams can run without being wholly dependant on any one style. Except bashing. Not even "Pro-Elves" can run bashing teams.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Lineman.jpg|Elf Lineman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Blitzer.jpg|Elf Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Thrower.jpg|Elf Thrower as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Catcher.jpg|Elf Catcher as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Jordell Freshbreeze.jpg|Jordell Freshbreeze as seen on the Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Eldril Sidewinder.jpg|Eldril Sidewinder as seen on the Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Elf team.
</gallery>

'''Goblins''': In addition to being present in the [[Orcs and Goblins|Orcs]] team, [[Orcs and Goblins|Goblins]] have their own team too. Terrible at literally everything other than catching (fat lot of good catching without knowing how to pass does you). They get two Trolls (which can throw a Goblin, resulting in a one-turn touchdown at times), and they get to bring weapons to the field. Goblins bring chainsaws onto the pitch. Reread that a few times. They also get to bring in a lot of replacements, making them second to Undead teams for tournament play. They also benefit from being small and hard to tackle. Goblins work well in smaller leagues, that aren't filled with Murder Chaos, by pretty much stopping any player from having a highly developed goal scorer by dint of focusing with that chainsaw upon said player's spinal cord.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Goblin.jpg|Goblin Goblin as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Fanatic.jpg|Goblin Fanatic as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Bombadier.jpg|Goblin Bombadier as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Pogoer.jpg|Goblin Pogoer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Looney.jpg|Goblin Looney as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Troll.jpg|Goblin Troll as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Ripper.jpg|Goblin Ripper as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Scrappa Sorehead.jpg|Scrappa Sorehead, a Goblin specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Goblin team.
</gallery>

'''Halflings''': The halflings of the Moot in the Empire (AKA mini [[Ogre Kingdoms|Ogres]]) are the hardest team to play. Terrible at literally everything, other than the same small bonus Goblins have as well as having a lot of replacements. They also get more Treemen than Wood Elves do, similar to Goblins getting two Trolls. If you are playing Halflings its because you do not care about winning.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Halfling.jpg|Halfling as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Treeman.jpg|Halfling Treeman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Deeproot Strongbranch.jpg|Deeproot Strongbranch, a Halfling specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the Halfling team.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Halfling team.
</gallery>

'''[[High elves]]''': The Humans of the Elf teams in the sense they have the more moderate numbers, and hence less outright weaknesses. Campaigns and tournaments where money is a thing have them with the most starting funds of any team. If you're playing High Elves, you're probably doing a LOT of passing and running. (Or, in other words, [[Heresy|playing actual football]].) High Elves are the best of the elf teams for newcomers to play as they have the most reliable passing game and decent stats for elves. That said you should never let a newbie play them right out of the gate as they will never learn what blitzing and throwing blocks are.

<gallery>
Image:High Ball.png
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Lineman.jpg|High Elf Lineman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Blitzer.jpg|High Elf Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Thrower.jpg|High Elf Thrower as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Catcher.jpg|High Elf Catcher as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Eldril Sidewinder.jpg|Eldril Sidewinder as seen on the High Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the High Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the High Elf team.
</gallery>

'''Humans''': As in almost all other games, the humans are the "medium grade". Not good in anything, but not bad either. This versatility makes them good for every tactic you imagine, but watch out, they WILL be bested in the preferred style of the rival. Their players are the Blitzer (for melee fighting), Thrower (the passing guy), Catcher (the guy who receives said passes) and Lineman (meatshields). Mostly these guys represent the [[Empire]], but since [[Bretonnia]] has no Blood Bowl equivalent it's not a far throw to paint them in heraldry either. In the videogame they also have an Ogre as their "Big guy".

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Human Lineman.jpg|Human Lineman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Blitzer.jpg|Human Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Thrower.jpg|Human Thrower as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Catcher.jpg|Human Catcher as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Ogre.jpg|Human Ogre as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Griff Oberwald.jpg|Griff Oberwald, a Human specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the Human team.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Human team.
</gallery>

'''Khemri''' The [[Tomb Kings]] Blood Bowl <strike>army</strike> team. INSANELY tough mummies, cheap skeletons, and they regenerate. HORRIBLE agility, if they lose the ball your only hope is to kill the sneaky git who picked it up and hold it by his severed hand. Khemri boasts some of the best big guys on the basis that they do not spend three quarters of the match staring blankly into space, Tomb Guardians are ''reliable'', except for when they get the ball, then you should do whatever you can to get them to score as they cannot be trusted with the ball. On the plus side, the odds of your opponent being able to tackle the ball off him are practically zero as you have full control over your big guy and he will need to seriously stack bonuses to avoid the dread "Roll block dice and defender chooses" outcome. Also because of this boon of 4 Tomb Guardians, Khemri can form cages that are almost impossible for some teams to break. Another funny thing is the Thro-Ra, which you would assume throws passes, as there is no one able to catch and your Thro-Ra is AG2 for a dedicated ball handling role, you should be using it as a Run-ra, preferably with Tomb Guardians caging him.

'''[[Khorne]] (Videogame only)''': One word: [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTER]]. The [[Khorne]] team is more [[Daemon]] oriented than other teams with only the Linemen equivalent (Pit Fighter) being a Warrior of Chaos. Team stars Heralds, [[Bloodletter]]s and [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTERS]]. Also Marauders, but are over shadowed by the Daemons. About on-par in power terms with Chaos, but uncontrollable and bad defenders. Only if you want to go full offensive. Did I mention [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTER]]? Just to be sure that you get the picture. They've also got decent armor and speed. Best team to play if you don't want to win, but would rather surf (knock opposing players into the crowd who promptly beat 17 kinds of snot of them for leaving the pitch) opposing players and then try to win when their opponent has only 4 players on the pitch. Against other bashing teams they're usually forced to surf and use Frenzy blocks to gain position advantage instead of trying to headstomp their way forward.

'''[[Lizardmen]]''' For some reason, the Slann cared enough to put together a team (or maybe the Skinks do?). Lizardmen have very specialized players, with the Saurus being high damage speedsters akin to little mac trucks, but should never touch the ball as they have no ability to do anything with it. Skinks are badass runners who are as hard to hit as Goblins or Halflings, but if they lose the ball it'll stay lost. Kroxigars can barely move, but god help you if you get too close. You've got to have a plan (or hope the Old Ones had one you can dust off) to use this team.

<gallery>
Image:Skittles.png
</gallery>

'''Necromantic''' Ordinary Undead. Kinda old school gothic horror with zombies, werewolves, skeletons, and a flesh golem. Flesh golems are your Treemen who block like gods but can barely walk, werewolves are high damage high speed blitzers. It's basically the Undead team but a bit better on offense and faster to boot. Tends to play more blitz-down-and-hand-off-the-ball than regular Undead, though if you leave werewolves open your opponent's heavy hitters will start the second half with a nice set of wolf fur coats. Necromantic teams without their werewolves are just gimped Undead teams.

'''[[Viking|Norsemen]]''': The lighter armored [[Warriors of Chaos]]. Much like the vanilla humans, but more expensive and better in fighting. Don't expect them to be Warriors of Chaos entirely; they have lower survivability than even regular Humans. They have also all the kinds of player of the humans (albeit under different names, Norse Lineman, Runners, Throwers, Berserkers, Yhetee[Snow Troll], Ulfwerener), which makes them better that their southern cousins if you want a combination of tactical genius and melee power. They're the best blockers in the game. Norse teams play best on the offence but run into problems against better bashing teams where they are forced to pass the ball.

'''[[Nurgle]]''': Nurgle flavored [[Warriors of Chaos]]. Less hitter and more conservative than the vanilla Chaos. They have almost every player in Chaos teams, but also a few exclusive: the Rotter (Defensive and in middle of beastmen and CW in def/atk), and the Beast of Nurgle (an ugly bastard "Big guy" who can stop any player too close to him just by being ugly and awful... and supid). They regenerate and have abilities to make anyone too close to them into muckups, which is nice. A good team if you like to make formation plays. A bad team if you want to try anything dynamic or mobile.

'''Ogres''' [[Ogre Kingdoms]] team, probably financed by Greasus alone. A team of the best overall players in the game, rounded out by snotlings which are cheaper than goblins OR halflings. Problem? Stupidity to the last. They do whatever the heck they want, and you're not a coach as much as a 2 foot tall shepherd with a weak cattle prod trying to get them to do something, anything useful. Good for shenanigans, bad for competitive play. Can work okay against bashing teams as they aren't easy to bully, but the trade-off is that you're going to be drawn more often than any kind of result that will net you star player points.

[[Ork|'''Orcs''']]: [[Orcs and Goblins]] team. Somewhat reminiscent of the humans, but much more focused on fucking the shit out of your opponent. Somewhat versatile with Orcs as your slow hitters and Goblins as your fast runners, but focused in fightin' and winnin' more than anything (as it should be). Their players are the Black Orc Blocker (defender and heavy-hitter), Blitzer (as humans), Thrower (as humans, again) and Lineman (once again). Recently they have also Goblins (sneaky and squishy). Their Big guy is the Troll, who has to be babysitted because it's so fucking stupid that he won't even know where he is half of the time. Luckily, he can throw Goblins (who in turn can throw the ball). Overall they're actually a little easier for newbies to pick up as instead of everyone being pretty average, the team has a few guys who are just specialized enough various areas to be effective.

'''[[Skaven]]''' TACKLETACKLE THE MANTHINGS! Highest speed in the game, fairly cheap too. Lots of ability upgrades too. Finally, bonuses from being small to avoiding harm. But they get hurt very easily if they do get hit, so when you get a nice tough star player you're considering making his own unique mini gets into the next match, an Elf sits on him and pops his intestines out. So now the undead team has him... Infamous for being able to run the 1 turn touch down play in its purest form. Letting Skaven have access to your backline is bad news.

'''[[Undead]]''': The old school Warhammer Undead, where [[Tomb Kings]] and [[Vampire Counts]] were one army. The undead are better in leagues and campaigns than sole matches. Their players are not very agile (which does not suit them for throwing and catching, even less for escaping) and lack strength and armor. So they more or less suck at everything other than moderate damage dealing. On the other side they're often cheap. But their true strength is that they can recover from injuries and death (they're undead, after all) and stand up next part like nothing happened. That said, this improved ability to handle setbacks does not make them newb friendly, as they struggle to play the more obvious plays to beginners without a few stat boosts.

'''Underworld''': It's just Goblins and Skaven in one team. They mutate on the drop of a hat and gain lots of fun abilities, they're pretty cheap, they can benefit from being small. That being said, they have shit stats and the team infights so passing is difficult. The upside is that you get to combine a lot of nastiness with a lot of speed, if you want to play a team like goblins but actually have a chance to win a small league, Underworld fits that niche better.

'''Vampires''': [[Vampire Counts]] team. Badass Vampire players with fun exclusive abilities and regeneration, and cheap Thralls. Crap blocking and difficulty passing or catching. In addition they have to feed on a player and knock them out or your Vamps run off the pitch as injured. That said, if you can get used to planning for the bloodthirst, Vampires are pretty effective bordering on being overpowered; if they get any stat boosts you're going to be looking at players that score more goals in a game than the number of yards they run. Seeing Agility 6 vampires is not unheard of and in terms that people who don't play BloodBowl would understand this means that you cannot expect to stop them from scoring without completely surrounding them and not allowing a single vacant square.

'''[[Wood Elves (Warhammer)|Wood Elves]]''': Highest speed in the entire game. But you could blow on one and crack a few of their ribs. They get Treemen as a giant blocker, but they don't tend to do much good. That being said, literally ANY of your players could score next turn and that makes them a very unpredictable opponent. They handle the ball like gods but you really don't want them to be close to anything tougher than a snotling. A lot of the official writings for Blood Bowl say that Wood Elves like the long pass playstyle, this is utter nonsense, as they literally have no benefits to long passes compared to safer close passing and running which they do much better without risking losing the ball.

'''Slann'''(Not in the Vidya): Ancient leapy space-frogs. The Slann team are kinda squishy, but the entire team starts with Leap and Very Long Legs, meaning that they can more-or-less ignore most defensive plays you can make to stop them. Wall of Dorfs with tackle? Leap. Cage? Leap. On offence, again, they're just going to jump all over the place to bugger you up. Downsides is that there is no inherent reroll for leap (barring Pro), so they live on the 2+/3+s. Also, no one starts with block, but everyone (minus kroxi) has access, so not much of a problem.

'''Chaos Pact'''(Not in the Vidya):
A massively underrated team. Some of the best linemen in the game, Marauders, have average stats (6338), but what makes them amazing is their skill access. They can take '''any''' skill on a normal roll except agility, including mutations, so with a few levels you can build them into anything. That's not even the best part. They have 3 big guys (a Troll, an Ogre and a Minotaur), plus they get a Goblin, a Skaven and a Dark Elf. Everyone can mutate on at least a double, most on singles, so you essentially have a hugely diverse team that's very hard to counter. When you have to deal with a Big-Hand Two-Heads Nerves of Steel Goblin picking up a ball in a cage and pass to a Very Long Legs/Leap Dark Elf, you will know how tough these guys are. Also, '''three fucking big guys with mutations'''. Damn.

'''Bretonnians''': Bretonnians aren't official yet, but they are going to make an appearance as one of the starting races of Blood Bowl 2 by Cyanide. The roster that is currently generally accepted is not bad. Basically humans with shittier linemen and better blitzers. Knights with 7338 and Catch, Block and Dauntless as standard make interesting players, and everyone else starts with either wrestle or fend. Downsides is that the Knights are the crux of the team: start losing them, and you're going to fail. That, and their skills are a bit all over the place. There aren't many situations where you'd want to use both Dauntless ''and'' Catch. Also, not amazing skill access.

== Video Games ==

In 1995, an MS-DOS version of Blood Bowl was released.
In 2004, a French vidya company made a game called Chaos League which was a real-time ripoff of Blood Bowl. [[Games Workshop]] sued them, as GW is wont to do from time to time, and they settled out of court for GW to have partial rights to Chaos League, making it an official Blood Bowl game. It was re-released in 2009 as Blood Bowl officially and used a turn-based system.
In 2007 the Chaos League turned Blood Bowl game was released for Nintendo DS, PSP, and Xbox 360.
In 2010, Chaos League turned Blood Bowl was re-released for computers only as a legendary edition on Steam and had all the races of the tabletop game. It was then re-released on Steam (so the 2004 game Chaos League is now up to 7 re-releases if you were keeping track) as Chaos Edition which brought non-tabletop teams of Underworld, Chaos Dwarf, and Khorne teams as well as having a graphics bump.
In 2013, a sequel to the game was (finally) announced. Graphics are HD quality, the Bretonnians have their own team, and the animations are beautiful while Jim and Bob get much less repetitive. The single player campaign is also now fun rather than a chore, and involves taking the Reikland Reavers on a comeback (which Bob joins, in his enthusiasm). While many were <strike>butthurt</strike> disappointed by the lack of races at launch, people who <strike>aren't looking for an excuse to bitch</strike> are better informed were quick to point out Blood Bowl 1 is a heap of former DLC and Expansions bundled into the main game now while 2 is just starting out how 1 did.
Blood Bowl: Kerrunch is an iPhone and Tablet game, which is like Blood Bowl 2 with only five players on each team and unlockable player rosters.

== The Great Backstabbing ==

Way back in the early 90's, Blood Bowl 3e was released, the first recognizable edition from today's point of view in terms of mechanics, teams and RPG elements. Shortly afterwards, we got an expansion box called '''Deathzone''' (back in the days, [[Games Workshop|GW]] in its [[Profit|unending wisdom]] made their players pay twice for stuff one would consider <s>optional</s> essential corebook material today, like magic rules and wargear). And for a while everything was good.

Some time after 2000, with the introduction of the eventually doomed Fanatic section, 3e was updated and JJ announced that from now on, Blood Bowl's rules would be constantly updated and optimized with significant player input in the form of the Blood Bowl Rules Committe (BBRC), consisting of JJ himself, Doubleskulls and GalakStarscraper among other [[Neckbeard|neckbeards]]. Many brix were shat in face of the sheer [[Awesome|awesomeness]] of this decision. The Living Rulebook (LRB) had arrived and for a while everything was awesome.

LRB 5 came and went, LRB 5+ came and went, FUMBBL came and stuck around even in times of Cyanide's vidya, Galak had taken over the ''de facto'' role of Blood Bowl's lead designer without pay in his spare time, when in 2009, with the long anticipated release of LRB 6 (lots of players were unsatisfied with LRB 5+) suddenly this:

<blockquote>'''Oh my God ... that is what I gave up 5 years of my life for ... wow.''' 

'''Werewolves with 2 different stat lines (they could have gone with a Bear ... they still sell bear figures)''' 

'''Page references where the pages are not present.''' 

'''The Rat Ogre one was my typo ... and damn I really thought I had triple checked all of that ... have no idea how that got through as a typo ... so don't blame GW for that one.''' 

'''The credits page is gone ... so GW won't even acknowledge the folks that gave up so much time to bring this.''' 

'''And the idea that folks should play LRB 1.0 because its less cut-throat ... that's lawyer speak for Jervis being told that we don't want to push these rules over the ones printed and in the boxed set (so all you should feel free to go back to LRB 1.0).''' 

'''Jervis should be ashamed (I have no other word) for what he's allowed legal to do to him.''' 

'''Galak'''</blockquote>

GW, big lying [[Big Bad Evil Guy|megacorp]] they are, had stabbed everyone in the back: Promises of including LRB 6 in the base game box were broken. No credits for the actual game developers (ie Galak, who also got kicked out later, and the BBRC) to be found anywhere. [[Waterboarding|Waterboarding]] and blackmailing JJ with threats of [[Anal circumference|giant dildos]] until only an [[Servitor|empty husk]] was left. And worst of all, a LRB 6 that was merely a skeleton rulebook without everything that made Blood Bowl awesome - no fluff, no ''Did You Know...'' boxes, no artwork. Of course, players instantly realized the huge amount of [[FAIL|fail]] that called itself the Competition Rules Pack and immediately saw to it that a proper LRB 6 was made available but the damage was already done.

== The Card Game ==

Oh and Fantasy Flight Games released a card game called "Blood Bowl: Team Manager - The Card Game". Its not bad if you think of it less as an adaptation of Blood Bowl to a card game format and more of a game based around the concept of being a weekly wrap up and/or highlights of the week kind of sports show and the coaches are able to decide what kind of amazing plays of sporting prowess happen on Cabalvision. Only the sport in question is Blood Bowl and the highlights are considered brutal acts of (mostly) unarmed assault or murder in most sane legal jurisdictions. Very true to the humour of Blood Bowl and more inviting for newcomers, play a few games with them and they are much less likely to be put off by the steep learning curve and random fuck you nature of actual Blood Bowl.

== Glossary of Blood Bowl Terms ==

* '''Bashy/Bashing Teams:''' All Blood Bowl teams can be described as existing on a specific place on a spectrum of combat focused to ball play focused. The term "Bash" is used to describe teams that are closer to the combat side and frequently when two of these teams are matched an important distinction is which is the better bashing team as the other will have to play around the fact that they are not hitting as hard or taking hits better than the other team. Bashing teams tend to be very intimidating for teams that are ball play focused like Elves as they have lower AV and ST which means they cannot deter Blocks and are more likely to suffer injury rolls from successful armour break rolls.

* '''Cage:''' A very standard formation play to protect a ball carrier, the cage is organized with the ball carrier in the centre and friendly, preferably beefy, player standing on each square diagonally adjacent to the ball carrier. No other players should be adjacent to the ball carrier to avoid chain-pushes opening cage and the cage should not end its turn with enemy players adjacent to the corners. This formation is popular because opponents must waste time taking out the corner players or try and blitz the ball carrier by moving through the tackle zones of two players and being forced to make a dodge roll.

* '''Chain-Pushing:''' When during a block the attacking player chooses a result that pushes an opponent (Defender Pushed, Defender Stumbles, Defender Down) and there are no free spaces for them to be pushed into, the attacking player may choose to move them into an occupied square and then they may choose to move the occupant of that square into any available squares in the direction of the push. If there are no free squares, the chain-push continues until a player is moved into an unoccupied square. Chain-Pushes punish players who just blob around their ball carrier instead of spacing players and using proper caging formation, as with correct placement, the opponent attacking the blob can expose the ball carrier or get their own players adjacent to the ball carrier which is a very undesirable result.

* '''Stunty:''' An Extraordinary Skill (that means you can't take when you level up but players can start with it) that makes players adept at dodging and avoidance but suffer with passing or throwing blocks, it also describes teams where all or the majority of players possess this trait and how it defines their playstyle where they can no longer make standard plays and instead need to play very specific strategies to win or at least draw (All Stunty teams are joke teams).

* '''Surf:''' As in to "Crowd Surf", to knock an opposing player off the field and into the crowd removing them for the drive and having the crowd beat them (sometimes to death) for their cowardice and unamusing play.

==Obtaining Miniatures==
Since Blood Bowl, like all <strike>of Games Workshop's GOOD games</strike> Specialist Games, is under renewal by the new Specialist Games Team!. The first advice for someone wanting Blood Bowl minis is to check eBay and Bartertown, but many model companies have stepped up and produced various "fantasy football" lines.

Just kidding, it's available now! With Orc and Human teams in the box. Skaven are also out in plastic, other teams will be made (not known if plastic, or resin.).
So far confirmed;
Dark, High, Wood, and Union, Elf Teams.
Dwarf
Nurgle

* [http://www.comixininos.com Comixininos]

== External Links ==
* [http://www.fantasyflightgames.com/edge_minisite.asp?eidm=130&enmi=Blood%20Bowl:%20Team%20Manager Blood Bowl: Team Manager - The Card Game], by [[Fantasy Flight Games]].
*[http://www.bloodbowlonline.com/LivingRulebook5.pdf] The rules

{{Specialist-Games}}

[[Category:Board Games]]

Blood Bowl

2016-12-29T06:02:28Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File: BloodBowlMain.jpg|500px|left|thumb|The box art. Showing that Blood bowl is about [[Ork|fightin and winning]].]]
This game was created by [[Jervis Johnson|Jervis Johnson]]. 'nuff said.

'''Blood Bowl''' is a game set in the [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]] universe. In-universe, it is a sports game somewhat like American Football but with a level of violence more akin to Canadian Ice Hockey. The in-universe explanation of the game is that during a battle between Dwarfs and Night Goblins, they found a chest of rulebooks, magazines, and brochures detailing "Amorikan Footbowl" and after the Dwarf sage interpreted them (going mad in the process) they played the game to settle the battle, the game then growing in popularity and entirely replacing war in the Warhammer universe during seasons. Otherwise it's the same setting as [[Warhammer Fantasy]], and may even be the exact same if you want to think that it is. It is played by teams from each of the major factions who set aside their differences for the duration of the season. Out-of-universe, it is a game where each player manages a Blood Bowl team as they accumulate experience and injuries.
[[File:Jim & Bob.jpeg|thumb|right|300px|Jim and Bob as seen in Blood Bowl 2.]]
[[File:Jim and Bob Art.png|thumb|right|300px|Jim and Bob from the old Blood Bowl art.]]
[[File:Jim and Bob Minis.jpeg|thumb|right|300px|Jim and Bob miniatures, named the wrong way round, which can be purchased [http://www.comixininos.com/blood-bowl-teams/entrenadores-medicos-animadoras/set-of-2-fantasy-football-commentators-fanath-art.html here.]]]
During seasons all wars in the world stop since Blood Bowl takes precedence above all other facets of life, even in the Warp. There used to be multiple leagues, but now only one survives. [[High Elves]] and the wizards of the [[Empire]] maintain crystal ball networks similar to television stations that show programs filmed with Campaigns for Real Arcanery (or Camras) with recorded images and sounds sent via a spell called Cabalvision. Each station is named with the same acronyms as real world stations with them meaning more humorous things (NBC=Necromancers Broadcasting Circle, Channel 7 CBS=Crystal Ball Service, and so on), although only one (ABC=Association of Broadcasting Conjurers) has the rights to broadcast Blood Bowl games. The announcers of all league Blood Bowl matches are a vampire named Jim, and an Ogre retired player named Bob Bifford. In the video game, the two talk CONSTANTLY to the point of annoyance. On the tabletop, they do absolutely nothing but had little minis you could buy to make your playing table look more complete (although with the advent of the video game, players sometimes imitate them to mock the opposing player, resulting in a well deserved miniature down the windpipe).

It was produced by [[Specialist Games]] for a long time, <s>but now like all the other Specialist Games it is on [[Games Workshop]]'s back burner</s> ACTUALLY! Games Workshop has announced a new Blood Bowl box containing basic Human and Orc teams, to be released in early November 2016. Additionally, there's a couple of computer games based on it (with a sequel to the most recent in the works!) that is almost the exact same as the tabletop (going as far as to use the Blood Bowl tabletop handbook for the rules in the vidya), and a [[card game]] by [[Fantasy Flight Games]].

== The Game Itself ==

A NEW EDITION HAS BEEN LAUNCHED, SO PLEASE AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE LET'S START WORKING ON THAT, IT CAN BE AWESOME!

Blood Bowl is a game where the player assumes the role of a team manager and trainer. The objective of the game is simple on paper: score as many "Touchdowns" (that's reaching the rival's deepest row of squares with a player controlling the ball) while you try to not let the opponent not score any. The reality is a crappy mess. With the abilities of the different players, the high risk of losing turn (even a bad pace that makes your player kiss the field WILL make you lose your turn) and the match random events (you thought that [[Daemon]]s are random? THINK AGAIN) which can muck your plans in no time. Even with that, Blood Bowl is a long favorite and [[awesome]], because of the sheer levels of humor in the [https://www.bloodbowlonline.com/LivingRulebook5.pdf rulebook] and the aforementioned random events that will either fuck you, your opponent or both.

The game lends itself well to a continued campaign or "season", not just individual matches. With A LOT of abilities (including mutations) and a streamlined but good promotion system it's quite easy and fun make your own league between friends, while accumulating "Star Player points" (exp. points) and injuries.

== Da Teamz ==

There are a CRAZY HUGE (21 in the board game, 23 in the Vidya) selection of teams out there. While many of them are mere variations of other teams, some have their own play-styles and players. Almost all are races of [[Warhammer Fantasy]], so little surprises there. All teams have cheerleader options which can influence the random events, and are purchased like players.

'''Amazons''': They may not get even mentioned in Warhammer Fantasy Battles, but the lovely ladies of Lustria get their own Blood Bowl team! Their armor is pretty low and they're below average in speed, but can dodge better than Dark Elves. Otherwise they play like Humans, including their player choices (except Lineman is Linewoman). Dwarfs can bash them up royally but otherwise they're a pretty good team. Probably one of the strongest teams to start with and hands down the easiest for new players to learn the game with. Amazons tend have problems when the Tackle skill becomes common, or when any member of their team takes a permanent injury as they have decidedly average stats and are considered the defining midrange team: They play heavy bashing against elves, skaven and goblins but play passing and running against Chaos or Khemri.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Linewoman.jpg|Amazon Linewoman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Blitzer.jpg|Amazon Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Thrower.jpg|Amazon Thrower as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Catcher.jpg|Amazon Catcher as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara The Slayer as seen on the Amazon team.
Image:Blood Bowl Amazon Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morth'n'Thorg as seen on the Amazon team.
</gallery>

'''[[Chaos Dwarfs]]''': As Dwarfs, they're very slow. They have stronger players than the Dwarfs as well as some much less skilled, fragile, and cheaper players if you need them. This mix makes them more like Undead, though they have more starting skills and more highly armoured players. They have low agility and have trouble getting or keeping the ball. The Minotaur likes to do whatever the hell he wants. That said they can do some crazy stuff like run a heavy line of Chaos Dwarfs that will mess up the enemy line and then make what would otherwise be a crazy mad pass and dash using the Hobgoblins and Bull Centaur.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Chaos Dwarf Blocker.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Blocker as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Bull Minotaur.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Bull Minotuar as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Bull Centaur.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Bull Centaur as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin.jpg|Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Chaos Dwarf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Grashnak Blackhoof.jpg|Grashnak Blackhoof as seen on the Chaos Dwarf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Dwarf Zzharg Madeye.jpg|Zzharg Madeye, a Chaos Dwarf specific character.
</gallery>

'''[[Chaos]]''': The rulebook states that Chaos teams only worries about scoring touchdowns when more than half of the opponent team are either unconscious, injured or dead; and the reality isn't far from that. Maybe one of the heaviest-hitters of the game, Chaos is focused in crippling the enemy team and has the potential to do so. Their players are the [[Beastmen]](crossover between meatshield and hitting support) and [[Warriors of Chaos]] (multipurpose, but better in defense and hitting). Their big guy is the Minotaur, who will ignore you unless you order him to [[Khorne|crush someone's spine or crack open his skull]]. Often the terms Claw-POMB, Murder Chaos and Blackbox Chaos get thrown around with Chaos, it refers to a powerful build (both player and team) that Chaos can easily get that translates to making mildly bruising hits into brutal executions on the pitch, they come from one particular online community that has a special Bloodbowl league that functions as a fight club for Blood Bowl fans. Noteable is that their original cheerleader mini was a [[Daemonette]] with 4 boobs wearing a [[Commissar]] hat.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Chaos Warrior.jpg|Chaos Warrior as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Beastman.jpg|Chaos Beastmen as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Minotaur.jpg|Chaos Minotaur as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Grashnak Blackhoof.jpg|Grashnak Blackhoof as seen on the Chaos team.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Lord Borak The Despoiler.jpg|Lord Borak the Despoiler, a Chaos specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Chaos Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Chaos team.
Image:Chaos Cheerleaders BB 1.jpeg|Daemonette Cheerleaders, as seen in the vidya.
</gallery>

'''[[Dark Elves]]''': All four Elven teams share some common traits: they're squishy, even more than the Humans; and are extremely agile (read: ANNOYING). It's hard to keep an Elf stopped, but when you do most surely they will end in the medical tent. Dark Elves are not the fastest Elf team, but they have the agility scores to ensure it's unlikely you'll get to actually hit or even touch them coupled with armor making it unlikely you'll damage them either. Their passing is kinda bad, so it's more of a running and avoiding game. Dark Elves share a fair bit of commonality with Amazons, despite being wussy elves they can hit very hard with their Assassins and Witch Elves when played right, though they still tend towards a more nimble game to the team of psychotic lady warriors.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Lineman.jpg|Dark Elf Lineman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Blitzer.jpg|Dark Elf Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Runner.jpg|Dark Elf Runner as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Assassin.jpg|Dark Elf Assassin as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Witch Elf.jpg|Dark Elf Witch Elf as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Horkon Heartripper.jpg|Horkon Heartripper, a Dark Elf specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Eldril Sidewinder.jpg|Eldril Sidewinder as seen on the Dark Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Dark Elf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Dark Elf team.
</gallery>

'''[[Dwarfs]]''': Highest armor. The dwarfs like to keep their pace, which is a nice way of saying they run slower than snails. They're not fast or agile, but strong and resistant. They favor defensive or conservative tactics, and have the prowess to stop Chaos on their tracks. With that said, they're not agile or fast so any Elf can outflank them and ignore them as if they weren't even there. Their players are the Longbeard (meatshield? and defenders), Runner (the guy who get the ball and toddle along a bit before snails catch up to him), Blitzer (offensive) and Slayer (HIGHLY offensive). Their big guy is a Dwarf on a [[Ork|Deffrolla]], which is illegal according to the rules but since the rules actually make a point of saying that there's a system for referee bribing and how much illegal weapons you can bring onto the field don't expect the Dwarf players to leave it at home. Refs won't look the other way for too long though, so it can be an ace in your sleeve rather than a [[Bloodthirster]] on the field.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Blocker.jpg|Dwarf Blocker as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Blitzer.jpg|Dwarf Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Runner.jpg|Dwarf Runner as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Troll Slayer.jpg|Dwarf Slayer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Deathroller.jpg|Deathroller as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Grim Ironjaw.jpg|Grim Ironjaw, a Dwarf specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the Dwarf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Dwarf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Dwarf team.
</gallery>

'''Elves''': The Elf team from older editions that survives to the current day. Representative of all the Elves being in one team, they have low armor, high speed, and high dodge. Cheap as far as Elf teams go. Best catching in all the Elf teams, allowing a decent pass to be caught in the middle of a crowd of Ogres. Generally held to be the best elf team as they are suited for a variety of plays that elf teams can run without being wholly dependant on any one style. Except bashing. Not even "Pro-Elves" can run bashing teams.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Lineman.jpg|Elf Lineman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Blitzer.jpg|Elf Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Thrower.jpg|Elf Thrower as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Catcher.jpg|Elf Catcher as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Jordell Freshbreeze.jpg|Jordell Freshbreeze as seen on the Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Eldril Sidewinder.jpg|Eldril Sidewinder as seen on the Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl Elf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Elf team.
</gallery>

'''Goblins''': In addition to being present in the [[Orcs and Goblins|Orcs]] team, [[Orcs and Goblins|Goblins]] have their own team too. Terrible at literally everything other than catching (fat lot of good catching without knowing how to pass does you). They get two Trolls (which can throw a Goblin, resulting in a one-turn touchdown at times), and they get to bring weapons to the field. Goblins bring chainsaws onto the pitch. Reread that a few times. They also get to bring in a lot of replacements, making them second to Undead teams for tournament play. They also benefit from being small and hard to tackle. Goblins work well in smaller leagues, that aren't filled with Murder Chaos, by pretty much stopping any player from having a highly developed goal scorer by dint of focusing with that chainsaw upon said player's spinal cord.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Goblin.jpg|Goblin Goblin as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Fanatic.jpg|Goblin Fanatic as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Bombadier.jpg|Goblin Bombadier as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Pogoer.jpg|Goblin Pogoer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Looney.jpg|Goblin Looney as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Troll.jpg|Goblin Troll as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Ripper.jpg|Goblin Ripper as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Scrappa Sorehead.jpg|Scrappa Sorehead, a Goblin specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Goblin Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Goblin team.
</gallery>

'''Halflings''': The halflings of the Moot in the Empire (AKA mini [[Ogre Kingdoms|Ogres]]) are the hardest team to play. Terrible at literally everything, other than the same small bonus Goblins have as well as having a lot of replacements. They also get more Treemen than Wood Elves do, similar to Goblins getting two Trolls. If you are playing Halflings its because you do not care about winning.

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Halfling.jpg|Halfling as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Treeman.jpg|Halfling Treeman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Deeproot Strongbranch.jpg|Deeproot Strongbranch, a Halfling specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the Halfling team.
Image:Blood Bowl Halfling Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Halfling team.
</gallery>

'''[[High elves]]''': The Humans of the Elf teams in the sense they have the more moderate numbers, and hence less outright weaknesses. Campaigns and tournaments where money is a thing have them with the most starting funds of any team. If you're playing High Elves, you're probably doing a LOT of passing and running. (Or, in other words, [[Heresy|playing actual football]].) High Elves are the best of the elf teams for newcomers to play as they have the most reliable passing game and decent stats for elves. That said you should never let a newbie play them right out of the gate as they will never learn what blitzing and throwing blocks are.

<gallery>
Image:High Ball.png
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Lineman.jpg|High Elf Lineman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Blitzer.jpg|High Elf Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Thrower.jpg|High Elf Thrower as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Catcher.jpg|High Elf Catcher as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Eldril Sidewinder.jpg|Eldril Sidewinder as seen on the High Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the High Elf team.
Image:Blood Bowl High Elf Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the High Elf team.
</gallery>

'''Humans''': As in almost all other games, the humans are the "medium grade". Not good in anything, but not bad either. This versatility makes them good for every tactic you imagine, but watch out, they WILL be bested in the preferred style of the rival. Their players are the Blitzer (for melee fighting), Thrower (the passing guy), Catcher (the guy who receives said passes) and Lineman (meatshields). Mostly these guys represent the [[Empire]], but since [[Bretonnia]] has no Blood Bowl equivalent it's not a far throw to paint them in heraldry either. In the videogame they also have an Ogre as their "Big guy".

<gallery>
Image:Blood Bowl Human Lineman.jpg|Human Lineman as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Blitzer.jpg|Human Blitzer as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Thrower.jpg|Human Thrower as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Catcher.jpg|Human Catcher as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Ogre.jpg|Human Ogre as seen in the vidya.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Griff Oberwald.jpg|Griff Oberwald, a Human specific character.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Zara The Slayer.jpg|Zara the Slayer as seen on the Human team.
Image:Blood Bowl Human Morg'n'Thorg.jpg|Morg'n'Thorg as seen on the Human team.
</gallery>

'''Khemri''' The [[Tomb Kings]] Blood Bowl <strike>army</strike> team. INSANELY tough mummies, cheap skeletons, and they regenerate. HORRIBLE agility, if they lose the ball your only hope is to kill the sneaky git who picked it up and hold it by his severed hand. Khemri boasts some of the best big guys on the basis that they do not spend three quarters of the match staring blankly into space, Tomb Guardians are ''reliable'', except for when they get the ball, then you should do whatever you can to get them to score as they cannot be trusted with the ball. On the plus side, the odds of your opponent being able to tackle the ball off him are practically zero as you have full control over your big guy and he will need to seriously stack bonuses to avoid the dread "Roll block dice and defender chooses" outcome. Also because of this boon of 4 Tomb Guardians, Khemri can form cages that are almost impossible for some teams to break. Another funny thing is the Thro-Ra, which you would assume throws passes, as there is no one able to catch and your Thro-Ra is AG2 for a dedicated ball handling role, you should be using it as a Run-ra, preferably with Tomb Guardians caging him.

'''[[Khorne]] (Videogame only)''': One word: [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTER]]. The [[Khorne]] team is more [[Daemon]] oriented than other teams with only the Linemen equivalent (Pit Fighter) being a Warrior of Chaos. Team stars Heralds, [[Bloodletter]]s and [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTERS]]. Also Marauders, but are over shadowed by the Daemons. About on-par in power terms with Chaos, but uncontrollable and bad defenders. Only if you want to go full offensive. Did I mention [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTER]]? Just to be sure that you get the picture. They've also got decent armor and speed. Best team to play if you don't want to win, but would rather surf (knock opposing players into the crowd who promptly beat 17 kinds of snot of them for leaving the pitch) opposing players and then try to win when their opponent has only 4 players on the pitch. Against other bashing teams they're usually forced to surf and use Frenzy blocks to gain position advantage instead of trying to headstomp their way forward.

'''[[Lizardmen]]''' For some reason, the Slann cared enough to put together a team (or maybe the Skinks do?). Lizardmen have very specialized players, with the Saurus being high damage speedsters akin to little mac trucks, but should never touch the ball as they have no ability to do anything with it. Skinks are badass runners who are as hard to hit as Goblins or Halflings, but if they lose the ball it'll stay lost. Kroxigars can barely move, but god help you if you get too close. You've got to have a plan (or hope the Old Ones had one you can dust off) to use this team.

<gallery>
Image:Skittles.png
</gallery>

'''Necromantic''' Ordinary Undead. Kinda old school gothic horror with zombies, werewolves, skeletons, and a flesh golem. Flesh golems are your Treemen who block like gods but can barely walk, werewolves are high damage high speed blitzers. It's basically the Undead team but a bit better on offense and faster to boot. Tends to play more blitz-down-and-hand-off-the-ball than regular Undead, though if you leave werewolves open your opponent's heavy hitters will start the second half with a nice set of wolf fur coats. Necromantic teams without their werewolves are just gimped Undead teams.

'''[[Viking|Norsemen]]''': The lighter armored [[Warriors of Chaos]]. Much like the vanilla humans, but more expensive and better in fighting. Don't expect them to be Warriors of Chaos entirely; they have lower survivability than even regular Humans. They have also all the kinds of player of the humans (albeit under different names, Norse Lineman, Runners, Throwers, Berserkers, Yhetee[Snow Troll], Ulfwerener), which makes them better that their southern cousins if you want a combination of tactical genius and melee power. They're the best blockers in the game. Norse teams play best on the offence but run into problems against better bashing teams where they are forced to pass the ball.

'''[[Nurgle]]''': Nurgle flavored [[Warriors of Chaos]]. Less hitter and more conservative than the vanilla Chaos. They have almost every player in Chaos teams, but also a few exclusive: the Rotter (Defensive and in middle of beastmen and CW in def/atk), and the Beast of Nurgle (an ugly bastard "Big guy" who can stop any player too close to him just by being ugly and awful... and supid). They regenerate and have abilities to make anyone too close to them into muckups, which is nice. A good team if you like to make formation plays. A bad team if you want to try anything dynamic or mobile.

'''Ogres''' [[Ogre Kingdoms]] team, probably financed by Greasus alone. A team of the best overall players in the game, rounded out by snotlings which are cheaper than goblins OR halflings. Problem? Stupidity to the last. They do whatever the heck they want, and you're not a coach as much as a 2 foot tall shepherd with a weak cattle prod trying to get them to do something, anything useful. Good for shenanigans, bad for competitive play. Can work okay against bashing teams as they aren't easy to bully, but the trade-off is that you're going to be drawn more often than any kind of result that will net you star player points.

[[Ork|'''Orcs''']]: [[Orcs and Goblins]] team. Somewhat reminiscent of the humans, but much more focused on fucking the shit out of your opponent. Somewhat versatile with Orcs as your slow hitters and Goblins as your fast runners, but focused in fightin' and winnin' more than anything (as it should be). Their players are the Black Orc Blocker (defender and heavy-hitter), Blitzer (as humans), Thrower (as humans, again) and Lineman (once again). Recently they have also Goblins (sneaky and squishy). Their Big guy is the Troll, who has to be babysitted because it's so fucking stupid that he won't even know where he is half of the time. Luckily, he can throw Goblins (who in turn can throw the ball). Overall they're actually a little easier for newbies to pick up as instead of everyone being pretty average, the team has a few guys who are just specialized enough various areas to be effective.

'''[[Skaven]]''' TACKLETACKLE THE MANTHINGS! Highest speed in the game, fairly cheap too. Lots of ability upgrades too. Finally, bonuses from being small to avoiding harm. But they get hurt very easily if they do get hit, so when you get a nice tough star player you're considering making his own unique mini gets into the next match, an Elf sits on him and pops his intestines out. So now the undead team has him... Infamous for being able to run the 1 turn touch down play in its purest form. Letting Skaven have access to your backline is bad news.

'''[[Undead]]''': The old school Warhammer Undead, where [[Tomb Kings]] and [[Vampire Counts]] were one army. The undead are better in leagues and campaigns than sole matches. Their players are not very agile (which does not suit them for throwing and catching, even less for escaping) and lack strength and armor. So they more or less suck at everything other than moderate damage dealing. On the other side they're often cheap. But their true strength is that they can recover from injuries and death (they're undead, after all) and stand up next part like nothing happened. That said, this improved ability to handle setbacks does not make them newb friendly, as they struggle to play the more obvious plays to beginners without a few stat boosts.

'''Underworld''': It's just Goblins and Skaven in one team. They mutate on the drop of a hat and gain lots of fun abilities, they're pretty cheap, they can benefit from being small. That being said, they have shit stats and the team infights so passing is difficult. The upside is that you get to combine a lot of nastiness with a lot of speed, if you want to play a team like goblins but actually have a chance to win a small league, Underworld fits that niche better.

'''Vampires''': [[Vampire Counts]] team. Badass Vampire players with fun exclusive abilities and regeneration, and cheap Thralls. Crap blocking and difficulty passing or catching. In addition they have to feed on a player and knock them out or your Vamps run off the pitch as injured. That said, if you can get used to planning for the bloodthirst, Vampires are pretty effective bordering on being overpowered; if they get any stat boosts you're going to be looking at players that score more goals in a game than the number of yards they run. Seeing Agility 6 vampires is not unheard of and in terms that people who don't play BloodBowl would understand this means that you cannot expect to stop them from scoring without completely surrounding them and not allowing a single vacant square.

'''[[Wood Elves (Warhammer)|Wood Elves]]''': Highest speed in the entire game. But you could blow on one and crack a few of their ribs. They get Treemen as a giant blocker, but they don't tend to do much good. That being said, literally ANY of your players could score next turn and that makes them a very unpredictable opponent. They handle the ball like gods but you really don't want them to be close to anything tougher than a snotling. A lot of the official writings for Blood Bowl say that Wood Elves like the long pass playstyle, this is utter nonsense, as they literally have no benefits to long passes compared to safer close passing and running which they do much better without risking losing the ball.

'''Slann'''(Not in the Vidya): Ancient leapy space-frogs. The Slann team are kinda squishy, but the entire team starts with Leap and Very Long Legs, meaning that they can more-or-less ignore most defensive plays you can make to stop them. Wall of Dorfs with tackle? Leap. Cage? Leap. On offence, again, they're just going to jump all over the place to bugger you up. Downsides is that there is no inherent reroll for leap (barring Pro), so they live on the 2+/3+s. Also, no one starts with block, but everyone (minus kroxi) has access, so not much of a problem.

'''Chaos Pact'''(Not in the Vidya):
A massively underrated team. Some of the best linemen in the game, Marauders, have average stats (6338), but what makes them amazing is their skill access. They can take '''any''' skill on a normal roll except agility, including mutations, so with a few levels you can build them into anything. That's not even the best part. They have 3 big guys (a Troll, an Ogre and a Minotaur), plus they get a Goblin, a Skaven and a Dark Elf. Everyone can mutate on at least a double, most on singles, so you essentially have a hugely diverse team that's very hard to counter. When you have to deal with a Big-Hand Two-Heads Nerves of Steel Goblin picking up a ball in a cage and pass to a Very Long Legs/Leap Dark Elf, you will know how tough these guys are. Also, '''three fucking big guys with mutations'''. Damn.

'''Bretonnians''': Bretonnians aren't official yet, but they are going to make an appearance as one of the starting races of Blood Bowl 2 by Cyanide. The roster that is currently generally accepted is not bad. Basically humans with shittier linemen and better blitzers. Knights with 7338 and Catch, Block and Dauntless as standard make interesting players, and everyone else starts with either wrestle or fend. Downsides is that the Knights are the crux of the team: start losing them, and you're going to fail. That, and their skills are a bit all over the place. There aren't many situations where you'd want to use both Dauntless ''and'' Catch. Also, not amazing skill access.

== Video Games ==

In 1995, an MS-DOS version of Blood Bowl was released.
In 2004, a French vidya company made a game called Chaos League which was a real-time ripoff of Blood Bowl. [[Games Workshop]] sued them, as GW is wont to do from time to time, and they settled out of court for GW to have partial rights to Chaos League, making it an official Blood Bowl game. It was re-released in 2009 as Blood Bowl officially and used a turn-based system.
In 2007 the Chaos League turned Blood Bowl game was released for Nintendo DS, PSP, and Xbox 360.
In 2010, Chaos League turned Blood Bowl was re-released for computers only as a legendary edition on Steam and had all the races of the tabletop game. It was then re-released on Steam (so the 2004 game Chaos League is now up to 7 re-releases if you were keeping track) as Chaos Edition which brought non-tabletop teams of Underworld, Chaos Dwarf, and Khorne teams as well as having a graphics bump.
In 2013, a sequel to the game was (finally) announced. Graphics are HD quality, the Bretonnians have their own team, and the animations are beautiful while Jim and Bob get much less repetitive. The single player campaign is also now fun rather than a chore, and involves taking the Reikland Reavers on a comeback (which Bob joins, in his enthusiasm). While many were <strike>butthurt</strike> disappointed by the lack of races at launch, people who <strike>aren't looking for an excuse to bitch</strike> are better informed were quick to point out Blood Bowl 1 is a heap of former DLC and Expansions bundled into the main game now while 2 is just starting out how 1 did.
Blood Bowl: Kerrunch is an iPhone and Tablet game, which is like Blood Bowl 2 with only five players on each team and unlockable player rosters.

== The Great Backstabbing ==

Way back in the early 90's, Blood Bowl 3e was released, the first recognizable edition from today's point of view in terms of mechanics, teams and RPG elements. Shortly afterwards, we got an expansion box called '''Deathzone''' (back in the days, [[Games Workshop|GW]] in its [[Profit|unending wisdom]] made their players pay twice for stuff one would consider <s>optional</s> essential corebook material today, like magic rules and wargear). And for a while everything was good.

Some time after 2000, with the introduction of the eventually doomed Fanatic section, 3e was updated and JJ announced that from now on, Blood Bowl's rules would be constantly updated and optimized with significant player input in the form of the Blood Bowl Rules Committe (BBRC), consisting of JJ himself, Doubleskulls and GalakStarscraper among other [[Neckbeard|neckbeards]]. Many brix were shat in face of the sheer [[Awesome|awesomeness]] of this decision. The Living Rulebook (LRB) had arrived and for a while everything was awesome.

LRB 5 came and went, LRB 5+ came and went, FUMBBL came and stuck around even in times of Cyanide's vidya, Galak had taken over the ''de facto'' role of Blood Bowl's lead designer without pay in his spare time, when in 2009, with the long anticipated release of LRB 6 (lots of players were unsatisfied with LRB 5+) suddenly this:

<blockquote>'''Oh my God ... that is what I gave up 5 years of my life for ... wow.''' 

'''Werewolves with 2 different stat lines (they could have gone with a Bear ... they still sell bear figures)''' 

'''Page references where the pages are not present.''' 

'''The Rat Ogre one was my typo ... and damn I really thought I had triple checked all of that ... have no idea how that got through as a typo ... so don't blame GW for that one.''' 

'''The credits page is gone ... so GW won't even acknowledge the folks that gave up so much time to bring this.''' 

'''And the idea that folks should play LRB 1.0 because its less cut-throat ... that's lawyer speak for Jervis being told that we don't want to push these rules over the ones printed and in the boxed set (so all you should feel free to go back to LRB 1.0).''' 

'''Jervis should be ashamed (I have no other word) for what he's allowed legal to do to him.''' 

'''Galak'''</blockquote>

GW, big lying [[Big Bad Evil Guy|megacorp]] they are, had stabbed everyone in the back: Promises of including LRB 6 in the base game box were broken. No credits for the actual game developers (ie Galak, who also got kicked out later, and the BBRC) to be found anywhere. [[Waterboarding|Waterboarding]] and blackmailing JJ with threats of [[Anal circumference|giant dildos]] until only an [[Servitor|empty husk]] was left. And worst of all, a LRB 6 that was merely a skeleton rulebook without everything that made Blood Bowl awesome - no fluff, no ''Did You Know...'' boxes, no artwork. Of course, players instantly realized the huge amount of [[FAIL|fail]] that called itself the Competition Rules Pack and immediately saw to it that a proper LRB 6 was made available but the damage was already done.

== The Card Game ==

Oh and Fantasy Flight Games released a card game called "Blood Bowl: Team Manager - The Card Game". Its not bad if you think of it less as an adaptation of Blood Bowl to a card game format and more of a game based around the concept of being a weekly wrap up and/or highlights of the week kind of sports show and the coaches are able to decide what kind of amazing plays of sporting prowess happen on Cabalvision. Only the sport in question is Blood Bowl and the highlights are considered brutal acts of (mostly) unarmed assault or murder in most sane legal jurisdictions. Very true to the humour of Blood Bowl and more inviting for newcomers, play a few games with them and they are much less likely to be put off by the steep learning curve and random fuck you nature of actual Blood Bowl.

== Glossary of Blood Bowl Terms ==

* '''Bashy/Bashing Teams:''' All Blood Bowl teams can be described as existing on a specific place on a spectrum of combat focused to ball play focused. The term "Bash" is used to describe teams that are closer to the combat side and frequently when two of these teams are matched an important distinction is which is the better bashing team as the other will have to play around the fact that they are not hitting as hard or taking hits better than the other team. Bashing teams tend to be very intimidating for teams that are ball play focused like Elves as they have lower AV and ST which means they cannot deter Blocks and are more likely to suffer injury rolls from successful armour break rolls.

* '''Cage:''' A very standard formation play to protect a ball carrier, the cage is organized with the ball carrier in the centre and friendly, preferably beefy, player standing on each square diagonally adjacent to the ball carrier. No other players should be adjacent to the ball carrier to avoid chain-pushes opening cage and the cage should not end its turn with enemy players adjacent to the corners. This formation is popular because opponents must waste time taking out the corner players or try and blitz the ball carrier by moving through the tackle zones of two players and being forced to make a dodge roll.

* '''Chain-Pushing:''' When during a block the attacking player chooses a result that pushes an opponent (Defender Pushed, Defender Stumbles, Defender Down) and there are no free spaces for them to be pushed into, the attacking player may choose to move them into an occupied square and then they may choose to move the occupant of that square into any available squares in the direction of the push. If there are no free squares, the chain-push continues until a player is moved into an unoccupied square. Chain-Pushes punish players who just blob around their ball carrier instead of spacing players and using proper caging formation, as with correct placement, the opponent attacking the blob can expose the ball carrier or get their own players adjacent to the ball carrier which is a very undesirable result.

* '''Stunty:''' An Extraordinary Skill (that means you can't take when you level up but players can start with it) that makes players adept at dodging and avoidance but suffer with passing or throwing blocks, it also describes teams where all or the majority of players possess this trait and how it defines their playstyle where they can no longer make standard plays and instead need to play very specific strategies to win or at least draw (All Stunty teams are joke teams).

* '''Surf:''' As in to "Crowd Surf", to knock an opposing player off the field and into the crowd removing them for the drive and having the crowd beat them (sometimes to death) for their cowardice and unamusing play.

==Obtaining Miniatures==
Since Blood Bowl, like all <strike>of Games Workshop's GOOD games</strike> Specialist Games, is under renewal by the new Specialist Games Team!. The first advice for someone wanting Blood Bowl minis is to check eBay and Bartertown, but many model companies have stepped up and produced various "fantasy football" lines.

Just kidding, it's available now! With Orc and Human teams in the box. Skaven are also out in plastic, other teams will be made (not known if plastic, or resin.).
So far confirmed;
Dark, High, Wood, and Union, Elf Teams.
Dwarf
Nurgle

* [http://www.comixininos.com Comixininos]

== External Links ==
* [http://www.fantasyflightgames.com/edge_minisite.asp?eidm=130&enmi=Blood%20Bowl:%20Team%20Manager Blood Bowl: Team Manager - The Card Game], by [[Fantasy Flight Games]].
*[http://www.bloodbowlonline.com/LivingRulebook5.pdf] The rules

{{Specialist-Games}}

[[Category:Board Games]]

Ork

2016-12-29T05:35:41Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.

''"War means fighting, and fighting means killing."'' 
-Nathan Bedford Forrest

[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we zoggin' go, let's break sum' 'eads!]]

The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major differences being that fantasy Orks are now called Orruks, and they have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting.

==Overview==

[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Ork_Boy|The original Boy]]. This guy has been around since 2nd ed.]]

::''"War is the business of barbarians."'' - Napoleon Bonaparte

Orks <strike>quite possibly could be</strike> '''*SLAM!*ARE''' the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]]. Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of it's power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them).
This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants and the fact that it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well survive injuries that would put a human to a crippled state. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork, [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually ''devolve'' instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during [[Xenology]] where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop.

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork ''is dismembered or dies.'' This means that, for Orks, combat and death are their principal means of reproduction and genetic exchange, and a Space Marine/Guardsman chainsawing/shooting/artillery-bombarding an ork just results in ten thousands, if not millions, of Orks coming for ya, kinda like [[tyranids]]. Nice Job chainsawing it, Space Marine. Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and [[dakka|shooty]] which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies ''while'' putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkily possible that the wielder ''should'' be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will, ultimately, go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.

A hallmark of Orkoid, for lack of a better term, civilization is the WAAAGH!. Always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point, the WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]]. One is the god of cunning brutality and the other is the god of brutal cunning, the difference being that one hits you when you aren't looking and the other hits you harder when you are. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition

Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists. All of them.

Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper.

==Ork Technology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of love, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The official explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that [[derp|badass]]. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox, if orks managened to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Emperor's own flagship. The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmententations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Orks and the Emperor==

One theory of the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be.

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Wyrdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), [[Dorfs|Brewerz]] (makers of alcohol; retconned), [[Noise Marines|Rockaz]] (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''']]

[[Speed freeks]] who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST ;) 

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who makes the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandos]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork?. . Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as NVGs, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. The concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders [[Skaven|do not believe that Kommandos actually exist]], but nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly [[Blood Ravens|hi-jacked]] a unit of 3 [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove 1 to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). As the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and 2 extra missiles.

Kommandos are typically distrusted by Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As there aint no such thing as a purple ork!

In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|bush]]/[[Dorf|barrel]]/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head.

An ork asked about Kommando groups. "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy | Weirdboyz]]====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (well, the only Orks who can decide to do it and it'll happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy.

==Retcons==
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===Rokkas===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock. It should also be noted that they are still available on Games Workshop's site. PARTY ON!
===Shoutas===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA'''

'''DROWNS OUT DA'''

'''COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''WAAAGH!!!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, not a FUCKING NINJA!

===Brewerz===
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the inns and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes. 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

===Female Orks===

Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff [[retcon]]ned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

(Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)

==Ork Klanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' Amish folk.
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
* '''Goffs''' are a buncha gloomy gits what don't ever have any fun and don't give a grot's toss about dakka, but dey'z somma da 'ardest of all da orks. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] himself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing <del>what's not nailed</del> if it's nailed down they'll loot the nails den loot da fing that was nailed down an' make it orky. [[Looted|Anyfing]]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blud Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'' an' ''recownasense'' an' ''camo'flage'' an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of ''retreat''. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its '''alwayz''' WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git! Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.

Later, when da humies learned dat der was six Beasts, and each lead a lejun o Boyz, dey started tinking dat each o da Clanz were da rem-re-leftovers o each Beasts lejun.</ul>

===Ork Non-Klanz===
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Den dere's da '''[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]''', boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz an' dat, Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like [[Kaptin Badrukk]] (teef), [[Wazdakka Gutsmek]] (goin' fast), or [[Zodgrod Wortsnagga]] (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like [[Kaptin Bluddflagg]] (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too.
* '''Feral Orkz''' are like Snakebites, but coz dey don't have a choice, what with not 'avin' access to Ork kulture seein' 'az dey don't have space travel. Often join the Snakebites as soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH.
* '''Speed Freekz''' is what you call da members o' da '''Kult o' Speed''', a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
</ul>

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when . But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot it self. Orks dont much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most every one around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotectic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 7th ork-dition Codex-fingy!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan talk legally like a retard.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike>
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too.
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else.
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies.
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus.
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour.
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy.
# You're part of [[Squad broken]].
# There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]].
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz.
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT?
#Even (some) vegetarians will eat you.
# You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain [[Farsight|Red Armored Swordsman]]. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT! 

== See Also ==
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks(7E)|Tactics/Orks]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Gargant]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXCLtD5batc Dem Ork Boyz Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwords.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|Deff Skwadron. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff'en
File:Bork_Kube.jpg|A viable Ork space ship design
</gallery></center>

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

[[category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]

Ork

2016-12-29T05:34:23Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.

''"War means fighting, and fighting means killing."'' 
-Nathan Bedford Forrest

[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we zoggin' go, let's break sum' 'eads!]]

The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major differences being that fantasy Orks are now called Orruks, and they have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting.

==Overview==

[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Ork_Boy|The original Boy]]. This guy has been around since 2nd ed.]]

::''"War is the business of barbarians."'' - Napoleon Bonaparte

Orks <strike>quite possibly could be</strike> '''*SLAM!*ARE''' the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]]. Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of it's power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them).
This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants and the fact that it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well survive injuries that would put a human to a crippled state. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork, [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually ''devolve'' instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during [[Xenology]] where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop.

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork ''is dismembered or dies.'' This means that, for Orks, combat and death are their principal means of reproduction and genetic exchange, and a Space Marine/Guardsman chainsawing/shooting/artillery-bombarding an ork just results in ten thousands, if not millions, of Orks coming for ya, kinda like [[tyranids]]. Nice Job chainsawing it, Space Marine. Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and [[dakka|shooty]] which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies ''while'' putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkily possible that the wielder ''should'' be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will, ultimately, go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.

A hallmark of Orkoid, for lack of a better term, civilization is the WAAAGH!. Always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point, the WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]]. One is the god of cunning brutality and the other is the god of brutal cunning, the difference being that one hits you when you aren't looking and the other hits you harder when you are. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition

Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists. All of them.

Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper.

==Ork Technology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of love, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The official explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that [[derp|badass]]. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox, if orks managened to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Emperor's own flagship. The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmententations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Orks and the Emperor==

One theory of the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be.

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Wyrdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), [[Dorfs|Brewerz]] (makers of alcohol; retconned), [[Noise Marines|Rockaz]] (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''']]

[[Speed freeks]] who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST ;) 

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who makes the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandos]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork?. . Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as NVGs, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. The concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders [[Skaven|do not believe that Kommandos actually exist]], but nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly [[Blood Ravens|hi-jacked]] a unit of 3 [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove 1 to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). As the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and 2 extra missiles.

Kommandos are typically distrusted by Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As there aint no such thing as a purple ork!

In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|bush]]/[[Dorf|barrel]]/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head.

An ork asked about Kommando groups. "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy | Weirdboyz]]====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (well, the only Orks who can decide to do it and it'll happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy.

==Retcons==
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===Rokkas===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock. It should also be noted that they are still available on Games Workshop's site. PARTY ON!
===Shoutas===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA'''

'''DROWNS OUT DA'''

'''COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''WAAAGH!!!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, not a FUCKING NINJA!

===Brewerz===
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the inns and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes. 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

===Female Orks===

MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!

Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff [[retcon]]ned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

(Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)

==Ork Klanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' Amish folk.
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
* '''Goffs''' are a buncha gloomy gits what don't ever have any fun and don't give a grot's toss about dakka, but dey'z somma da 'ardest of all da orks. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] himself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing <del>what's not nailed</del> if it's nailed down they'll loot the nails den loot da fing that was nailed down an' make it orky. [[Looted|Anyfing]]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blud Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'' an' ''recownasense'' an' ''camo'flage'' an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of ''retreat''. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its '''alwayz''' WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git! Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.

Later, when da humies learned dat der was six Beasts, and each lead a lejun o Boyz, dey started tinking dat each o da Clanz were da rem-re-leftovers o each Beasts lejun.</ul>

===Ork Non-Klanz===
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Den dere's da '''[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]''', boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz an' dat, Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like [[Kaptin Badrukk]] (teef), [[Wazdakka Gutsmek]] (goin' fast), or [[Zodgrod Wortsnagga]] (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like [[Kaptin Bluddflagg]] (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too.
* '''Feral Orkz''' are like Snakebites, but coz dey don't have a choice, what with not 'avin' access to Ork kulture seein' 'az dey don't have space travel. Often join the Snakebites as soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH.
* '''Speed Freekz''' is what you call da members o' da '''Kult o' Speed''', a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
</ul>

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when . But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot it self. Orks dont much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most every one around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotectic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 7th ork-dition Codex-fingy!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan talk legally like a retard.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike>
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too.
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else.
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies.
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus.
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour.
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy.
# You're part of [[Squad broken]].
# There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]].
# <strike>if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not [[Ultramarines|DEM]] blue gits The [[Tau|udda ones]] wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.</strike>'''*CRUNCH*''' OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz.
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT?
#Even (some) vegetarians will eat you.
# You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain [[Farsight|Red Armored Swordsman]]. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT! 

== See Also ==
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks(7E)|Tactics/Orks]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Gargant]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXCLtD5batc Dem Ork Boyz Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwords.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|Deff Skwadron. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff'en
File:Bork_Kube.jpg|A viable Ork space ship design
</gallery></center>

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

[[category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]

Ork

2016-12-29T05:33:37Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.

''"War means fighting, and fighting means killing."'' 
-Nathan Bedford Forrest

[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we zoggin' go, let's break sum' 'eads!]]

The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major differences being that fantasy Orks are now called Orruks, and they have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting.

==Overview==

[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Ork_Boy|The original Boy]]. This guy has been around since 2nd ed.]]

::''"War is the business of barbarians."'' - Napoleon Bonaparte

Orks <strike>quite possibly could be</strike> '''*SLAM!*ARE''' the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]]. Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of it's power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them).
This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants and the fact that it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well survive injuries that would put a human to a crippled state. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork, [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually ''devolve'' instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during [[Xenology]] where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop.

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork ''is dismembered or dies.'' This means that, for Orks, combat and death are their principal means of reproduction and genetic exchange, and a Space Marine/Guardsman chainsawing/shooting/artillery-bombarding an ork just results in ten thousands, if not millions, of Orks coming for ya, kinda like [[tyranids]]. Nice Job chainsawing it, Space Marine. Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and [[dakka|shooty]] which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies ''while'' putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkily possible that the wielder ''should'' be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will, ultimately, go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.

A hallmark of Orkoid, for lack of a better term, civilization is the WAAAGH!. Always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point, the WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]]. One is the god of cunning brutality and the other is the god of brutal cunning, the difference being that one hits you when you aren't looking and the other hits you harder when you are. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition

Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists. All of them.

Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper.

==Ork Technology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of love, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The official explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that [[derp|badass]]. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox, if orks managened to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Emperor's own flagship. The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmententations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Orks and the Emperor==

One theory of the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be.

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Wyrdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), [[Dorfs|Brewerz]] (makers of alcohol; retconned), [[Noise Marines|Rockaz]] (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''']]

[[Speed freeks]] who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST ;) 

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who makes the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandos]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork?. . Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as NVGs, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. The concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders [[Skaven|do not believe that Kommandos actually exist]], but nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly [[Blood Ravens|hi-jacked]] a unit of 3 [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove 1 to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). As the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and 2 extra missiles.

Kommandos are typically distrusted by Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As there aint no such thing as a purple ork!

In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|bush]]/[[Dorf|barrel]]/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head.

An ork asked about Kommando groups. "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy | Weirdboyz]]====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (well, the only Orks who can decide to do it and it'll happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy.

==Retcons==
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===Rokkas===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock. It should also be noted that they are still available on Games Workshop's site. PARTY ON!
===Shoutas===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA'''

'''DROWNS OUT DA'''

'''COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''WAAAGH!!!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, not a FUCKING NINJA!

===Brewerz===
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the inns and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes. 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

===Female Orks===

MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!

Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff [[retcon]]ned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

(Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)

==Ork Klanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' Amish folk.
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
* '''Goffs''' are a buncha gloomy gits what don't ever have any fun and don't give a grot's toss about dakka, but dey'z somma da 'ardest of all da orks. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] himself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing <del>what's not nailed</del> if it's nailed down they'll loot the nails den loot da fing that was nailed down an' make it orky. [[Looted|Anyfing]]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blud Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'' an' ''recownasense'' an' ''camo'flage'' an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of ''retreat''. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its '''alwayz''' WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git! Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.

Later, when da humies learned dat der was six Beasts, and each lead a lejun o Boyz, dey started tinking dat each o da Clanz were da rem-re-leftovers o each Beasts lejun.</ul>

===Ork Non-Klanz===
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Den dere's da '''[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]''', boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz an' dat, Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like [[Kaptin Badrukk]] (teef), [[Wazdakka Gutsmek]] (goin' fast), or [[Zodgrod Wortsnagga]] (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like [[Kaptin Bluddflagg]] (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too.
* '''Feral Orkz''' are like Snakebites, but coz dey don't have a choice, what with not 'avin' access to Ork kulture seein' 'az dey don't have space travel. Often join the Snakebites as soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH.
* '''Speed Freekz''' is what you call da members o' da '''Kult o' Speed''', a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
</ul>

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when . But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot it self. Orks dont much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most every one around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotectic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 7th ork-dition Codex-fingy!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan talk legally like a retard.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike>
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too.
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else.
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies.
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus.
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour.
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy.
# You're part of [[Squad broken]].
# <You haven't had a new codex since 4th edition. And it's starting to show.
# There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]].
# <strike>if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not [[Ultramarines|DEM]] blue gits The [[Tau|udda ones]] wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.</strike>'''*CRUNCH*''' OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz.
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT?
#Even (some) vegetarians will eat you.
# You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain [[Farsight|Red Armored Swordsman]]. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT! 

== See Also ==
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks(7E)|Tactics/Orks]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Gargant]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXCLtD5batc Dem Ork Boyz Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwords.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|Deff Skwadron. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff'en
File:Bork_Kube.jpg|A viable Ork space ship design
</gallery></center>

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

[[category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]

Ork

2016-12-29T05:31:54Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.

''"War means fighting, and fighting means killing."'' 
-Nathan Bedford Forrest

[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we zoggin' go, let's break sum' 'eads!]]

The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major differences being that fantasy Orks are now called Orruks, and they have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting.

==Overview==

[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Ork_Boy|The original Boy]]. This guy has been around since 2nd ed.]]

::''"War is the business of barbarians."'' - Napoleon Bonaparte

Orks <strike>quite possibly could be</strike> '''*SLAM!*ARE''' the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]]. Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of it's power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them).
This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants and the fact that it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well survive injuries that would put a human to a crippled state. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork, [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually ''devolve'' instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during [[Xenology]] where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop.

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork ''is dismembered or dies.'' This means that, for Orks, combat and death are their principal means of reproduction and genetic exchange, and a Space Marine/Guardsman chainsawing/shooting/artillery-bombarding an ork just results in ten thousands, if not millions, of Orks coming for ya, kinda like [[tyranids]]. Nice Job chainsawing it, Space Marine. Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and [[dakka|shooty]] which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies ''while'' putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkily possible that the wielder ''should'' be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will, ultimately, go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.

A hallmark of Orkoid, for lack of a better term, civilization is the WAAAGH!. Always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point, the WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]]. One is the god of cunning brutality and the other is the god of brutal cunning, the difference being that one hits you when you aren't looking and the other hits you harder when you are. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition

Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists. All of them.

Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper.

==Ork Technology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of love, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The official explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that [[derp|badass]]. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox, if orks managened to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Emperor's own flagship. The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmententations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Orks and the Emperor==

One theory of the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be.

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Wyrdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), [[Dorfs|Brewerz]] (makers of alcohol; retconned), [[Noise Marines|Rockaz]] (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''']]

[[Speed freeks]] who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST ;) 

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who makes the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandos]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork?. . Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as NVGs, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. The concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders [[Skaven|do not believe that Kommandos actually exist]], but nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly [[Blood Ravens|hi-jacked]] a unit of 3 [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove 1 to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). As the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and 2 extra missiles.

Kommandos are typically distrusted by Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As there aint no such thing as a purple ork!

In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|bush]]/[[Dorf|barrel]]/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head.

An ork asked about Kommando groups. "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy | Weirdboyz]]====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (well, the only Orks who can decide to do it and it'll happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy.

==Retcons==
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===Rokkas===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock. It should also be noted that they are still available on Games Workshop's site. PARTY ON!
===Shoutas===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA'''

'''DROWNS OUT DA'''

'''COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''WAAAGH!!!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, not a FUCKING NINJA!

===Brewerz===
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the inns and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes. 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

===Female Orks===

MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!

Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff [[retcon]]ned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

(Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)

==Ork Klanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' Amish folk.
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
* '''Goffs''' are a buncha gloomy gits what don't ever have any fun and don't give a grot's toss about dakka, but dey'z somma da 'ardest of all da orks. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] himself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing <del>what's not nailed</del> if it's nailed down they'll loot the nails den loot da fing that was nailed down an' make it orky. [[Looted|Anyfing]]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blud Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'' an' ''recownasense'' an' ''camo'flage'' an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of ''retreat''. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its '''alwayz''' WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git! Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.

Later, when da humies learned dat der was six Beasts, and each lead a lejun o Boyz, dey started tinking dat each o da Clanz were da rem-re-leftovers o each Beasts lejun.</ul>

===Ork Non-Klanz===
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Den dere's da '''[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]''', boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz an' dat, Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like [[Kaptin Badrukk]] (teef), [[Wazdakka Gutsmek]] (goin' fast), or [[Zodgrod Wortsnagga]] (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like [[Kaptin Bluddflagg]] (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too.
* '''Feral Orkz''' are like Snakebites, but coz dey don't have a choice, what with not 'avin' access to Ork kulture seein' 'az dey don't have space travel. Often join the Snakebites as soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH.
* '''Speed Freekz''' is what you call da members o' da '''Kult o' Speed''', a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
</ul>

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when . But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot it self. Orks dont much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most every one around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotectic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 7th ork-dition Codex-fingy!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan talk legally like a retard.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike>
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too.
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else.
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies.
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus.
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour.
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy.
# You're part of [[Squad broken]].
# <You haven't had a new codex since 4th edition. And it's starting to show.
# There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]].
# <strike>if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not [[Ultramarines|DEM]] blue gits The [[Tau|udda ones]] wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.</strike>'''*CRUNCH*''' OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz.
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis. You can piss on Space Marines, only to die a short while later.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT? Wait... Dat what dey call the mushroom'n'spore pods? Poor suckas! Dey have PAIN nerves down dat way? No WONDER dey scream so bad when we kick em there. 
#Even (some) vegetarians will eat you.
# You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain [[Farsight|Red Armored Swordsman]]. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT! 

== See Also ==
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks(7E)|Tactics/Orks]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Gargant]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXCLtD5batc Dem Ork Boyz Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwords.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|Deff Skwadron. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff'en
File:Bork_Kube.jpg|A viable Ork space ship design
</gallery></center>

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

[[category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]

Ork

2016-12-29T05:23:41Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.

''"War means fighting, and fighting means killing."'' 
-Nathan Bedford Forrest

[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we zoggin' go, let's break sum' 'eads!]]

The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major differences being that fantasy Orks are now called Orruks, and they have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting.

==Overview==

[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Ork_Boy|The original Boy]]. This guy has been around since 2nd ed.]]

::''"War is the business of barbarians."'' - Napoleon Bonaparte

Orks <strike>quite possibly could be</strike> '''*SLAM!*ARE''' the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]]. Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of it's power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them).
This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants and the fact that it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well survive injuries that would put a human to a crippled state. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork, [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually ''devolve'' instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during [[Xenology]] where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop.

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork ''is dismembered or dies.'' This means that, for Orks, combat and death are their principal means of reproduction and genetic exchange, and a Space Marine/Guardsman chainsawing/shooting/artillery-bombarding an ork just results in ten thousands, if not millions, of Orks coming for ya, kinda like [[tyranids]]. Nice Job chainsawing it, Space Marine. Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and [[dakka|shooty]] which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies ''while'' putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkily possible that the wielder ''should'' be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will, ultimately, go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.

A hallmark of Orkoid, for lack of a better term, civilization is the WAAAGH!. Always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point, the WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]]. One is the god of cunning brutality and the other is the god of brutal cunning, the difference being that one hits you when you aren't looking and the other hits you harder when you are. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition

Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists. All of them.

Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper.

==Ork Technology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of love, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The official explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that [[derp|badass]]. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox, if orks managened to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Emperor's own flagship. The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmententations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Orks and the Emperor==

One theory of the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be.

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Wyrdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), [[Dorfs|Brewerz]] (makers of alcohol; retconned), [[Noise Marines|Rockaz]] (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''']]

[[Speed freeks]] who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST ;) 

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who makes the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandos]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork?. . Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as NVGs, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. The concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders [[Skaven|do not believe that Kommandos actually exist]], but nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly [[Blood Ravens|hi-jacked]] a unit of 3 [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove 1 to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). As the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and 2 extra missiles.

Kommandos are typically distrusted by Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As there aint no such thing as a purple ork!

In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|bush]]/[[Dorf|barrel]]/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head.

An ork asked about Kommando groups. "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy | Weirdboyz]]====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (well, the only Orks who can decide to do it and it'll happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy.

==Retcons==
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===Rokkas===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock. It should also be noted that they are still available on Games Workshop's site. PARTY ON!
===Shoutas===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA'''

'''DROWNS OUT DA'''

'''COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''WAAAGH!!!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, not a FUCKING NINJA!

===Brewerz===
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the inns and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes. 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

===Female Orks===

MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!

Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff [[retcon]]ned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

(Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)

==Ork Klanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' Amish folk.
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
* '''Goffs''' are a buncha gloomy gits what don't ever have any fun and don't give a grot's toss about dakka, but dey'z somma da 'ardest of all da orks. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] himself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing <del>what's not nailed</del> if it's nailed down they'll loot the nails den loot da fing that was nailed down an' make it orky. [[Looted|Anyfing]]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blud Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'' an' ''recownasense'' an' ''camo'flage'' an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of ''retreat''. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its '''alwayz''' WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git! Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.

Later, when da humies learned dat der was six Beasts, and each lead a lejun o Boyz, dey started tinking dat each o da Clanz were da rem-re-leftovers o each Beasts lejun.</ul>

===Ork Non-Klanz===
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Den dere's da '''[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]''', boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz an' dat, Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like [[Kaptin Badrukk]] (teef), [[Wazdakka Gutsmek]] (goin' fast), or [[Zodgrod Wortsnagga]] (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like [[Kaptin Bluddflagg]] (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too.
* '''Feral Orkz''' are like Snakebites, but coz dey don't have a choice, what with not 'avin' access to Ork kulture seein' 'az dey don't have space travel. Often join the Snakebites as soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH.
* '''Speed Freekz''' is what you call da members o' da '''Kult o' Speed''', a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
</ul>

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when . But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot it self. Orks dont much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most every one around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotectic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 7th ork-dition Codex-fingy!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan talk legally like a retard.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike> *THUMP* LOK BOSS I GOT MEH WUN UH DEM UMIES!!!!
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too. A TRAGGADY, DAT IS!
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else.
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies. NAH, WE'S JUST GOT TA FIGURA' OUT WHUZ IN CHARGE NEXT, DAN WE COMES BACK AROUND TA FUMP EM AGAIN! <strike> Hiss! By that time we've NOMNOMNOMNOM'D on you </strike> '''*CRUNCH*''' ANUDDA 'EAD FER ME POINTY STIKK!
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus. OY, DOK. WUTZ DIS TETANATHINGY? CAN WE'Z SQUISH ET?
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour. ORKZ DUN' NEED ARMER! NOT WEN ORKZ GOT DAKKA!! SMASH DEM GITS WITOUT'IT!
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy. <strike> GOOD MEAT BAKKAWW! </strike> *THUMP* I DUNNO WUT DIS DUN SAID BUT IT URT ME EYES SO I KRUMPED IT!!!!
# You're part of [[Squad broken]]. WELL, UH... ZOGGIT. WE GOT NUFFIN CLEVA TA SAY BOUT DAT. MAYBE SUMFING ABOUT IT BEING MADE BY DEM NECKBEARDED GROTZ WIV DA FEDORAZ AN STUFF
# <strike>You haven't had a new codex since 4th edition. And it's starting to show.</strike> SHUT IT YA GIT, WE'ZE DA ORKS AND YOU'Z A BUNCH O PANSY GITS! B'SIDES, WE IZ GOING TA GET NEW CODEX DIS 6TH ED! OI BOSS WEZ GOT A SEVENF EDISHUN CODEX BEFORE THE PANSY GITS DID! N NOW WE'Z GOTZ A SHINEY NEW 7 ORK-DITION CODEX-FINGY! 
# <strike>There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."</strike> WHO KEEPS LETTIN' DEZ' HUMIES IN 'ERE! WE'Z BLOODY INFESTED! GET DA BURNAZ! <strike>(Also [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is apparently too busy with pestering Forge world for more Space marine resin collections to be converted into plastic for the main product line to be bothered with our humble bumbling green skins.)</strike> Tipakill 'umie bee'ayevyohr dat iz. Alwayz ignorin' da orky fingz in loif an' only payin' attentchuhn to zoggin' 'umie fingz. Downroight shaymfol dat iz. Da onlee REEL orky 'umie dere iz iz dat Kaptuhn Yarik; Gork - or eh, iz it Mork? - bless 'iz 'eart. (Trust us greenskin, Matt Ward ignoring you is a good thing.) But waznt 'e fired fur being an annoying grot? I GOT DA BURNAZ!! WE HAVIN A BBQ?? MAKE MINE CRISPY AN DUN FORGET DA EXTRA SQUIG SAUCE
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]]. DEM WEIRDBOY GITZ JUST ORK'D TOO 'ARD!
# <strike>if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not [[Ultramarines|DEM]] blue gits The [[Tau|udda ones]] wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.</strike>'''*CRUNCH*''' OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz.
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis. You can piss on Space Marines, only to die a short while later.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT? Wait... Dat what dey call the mushroom'n'spore pods? Poor suckas! Dey have PAIN nerves down dat way? No WONDER dey scream so bad when we kick em there. 
#<strike>Even (some) vegetarians will eat you</strike> NOT IF WE EAT DEM FIRST! HAH! 
# You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain [[Farsight|Red Armored Swordsman]]. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT! 

== See Also ==
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks(7E)|Tactics/Orks]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Gargant]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXCLtD5batc Dem Ork Boyz Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwords.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|Deff Skwadron. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff'en
File:Bork_Kube.jpg|A viable Ork space ship design
</gallery></center>

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[[category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]

Ork

2016-12-29T05:22:58Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.

''"War means fighting, and fighting means killing."'' 
-Nathan Bedford Forrest

[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we zoggin' go, let's break sum' 'eads!]]

The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major differences being that fantasy Orks are now called Orruks, and they have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting.

==Overview==

[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Ork_Boy|The original Boy]]. This guy has been around since 2nd ed.]]

::''"War is the business of barbarians."'' - Napoleon Bonaparte

Orks <strike>quite possibly could be</strike> '''*SLAM!*ARE''' the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]]. Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of it's power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them).
This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants and the fact that it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well survive injuries that would put a human to a crippled state. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork, [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually ''devolve'' instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during [[Xenology]] where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop.

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork ''is dismembered or dies.'' This means that, for Orks, combat and death are their principal means of reproduction and genetic exchange, and a Space Marine/Guardsman chainsawing/shooting/artillery-bombarding an ork just results in ten thousands, if not millions, of Orks coming for ya, kinda like [[tyranids]]. Nice Job chainsawing it, Space Marine. Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and [[dakka|shooty]] which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies ''while'' putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkily possible that the wielder ''should'' be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will, ultimately, go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.

A hallmark of Orkoid, for lack of a better term, civilization is the WAAAGH!. Always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point, the WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]]. One is the god of cunning brutality and the other is the god of brutal cunning, the difference being that one hits you when you aren't looking and the other hits you harder when you are. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition

Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists. All of them.

Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper.

==Ork Technology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of love, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The official explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that [[derp|badass]]. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox, if orks managened to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Emperor's own flagship. The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmententations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Orks and the Emperor==

One theory of the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be.

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Wyrdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), [[Dorfs|Brewerz]] (makers of alcohol; retconned), [[Noise Marines|Rockaz]] (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''']]

[[Speed freeks]] who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST ;) 

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who makes the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandos]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork?. . Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as NVGs, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. The concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders [[Skaven|do not believe that Kommandos actually exist]], but nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly [[Blood Ravens|hi-jacked]] a unit of 3 [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove 1 to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). As the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and 2 extra missiles.

Kommandos are typically distrusted by Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As there aint no such thing as a purple ork!

In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|bush]]/[[Dorf|barrel]]/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head.

An ork asked about Kommando groups. "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy | Weirdboyz]]====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (well, the only Orks who can decide to do it and it'll happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy.

==Retcons==
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===Rokkas===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock. It should also be noted that they are still available on Games Workshop's site. PARTY ON!
===Shoutas===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA'''

'''DROWNS OUT DA'''

'''COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''WAAAGH!!!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, not a FUCKING NINJA!

===Brewerz===
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the inns and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes. 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

===Female Orks===

MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!

Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff [[retcon]]ned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

(Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)

==Ork Klanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' Amish folk.
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
* '''Goffs''' are a buncha gloomy gits what don't ever have any fun and don't give a grot's toss about dakka, but dey'z somma da 'ardest of all da orks. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] himself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing <del>what's not nailed</del> if it's nailed down they'll loot the nails den loot da fing that was nailed down an' make it orky. [[Looted|Anyfing]]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blud Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'' an' ''recownasense'' an' ''camo'flage'' an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of ''retreat''. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its '''alwayz''' WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git! Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.

Later, when da humies learned dat der was six Beasts, and each lead a lejun o Boyz, dey started tinking dat each o da Clanz were da rem-re-leftovers o each Beasts lejun.</ul>

===Ork Non-Klanz===
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Den dere's da '''[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]''', boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz an' dat, Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like [[Kaptin Badrukk]] (teef), [[Wazdakka Gutsmek]] (goin' fast), or [[Zodgrod Wortsnagga]] (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like [[Kaptin Bluddflagg]] (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too.
* '''Feral Orkz''' are like Snakebites, but coz dey don't have a choice, what with not 'avin' access to Ork kulture seein' 'az dey don't have space travel. Often join the Snakebites as soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH.
* '''Speed Freekz''' is what you call da members o' da '''Kult o' Speed''', a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
</ul>

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when . But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot it self. Orks dont much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most every one around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotectic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" </strike> '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 7th ork-dition Codex-fingy!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan talk legally like a retard.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike> *THUMP* LOK BOSS I GOT MEH WUN UH DEM UMIES!!!!
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too. A TRAGGADY, DAT IS!
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else.
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies. NAH, WE'S JUST GOT TA FIGURA' OUT WHUZ IN CHARGE NEXT, DAN WE COMES BACK AROUND TA FUMP EM AGAIN! <strike> Hiss! By that time we've NOMNOMNOMNOM'D on you </strike> '''*CRUNCH*''' ANUDDA 'EAD FER ME POINTY STIKK!
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus. OY, DOK. WUTZ DIS TETANATHINGY? CAN WE'Z SQUISH ET?
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour. ORKZ DUN' NEED ARMER! NOT WEN ORKZ GOT DAKKA!! SMASH DEM GITS WITOUT'IT!
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy. <strike> GOOD MEAT BAKKAWW! </strike> *THUMP* I DUNNO WUT DIS DUN SAID BUT IT URT ME EYES SO I KRUMPED IT!!!!
# You're part of [[Squad broken]]. WELL, UH... ZOGGIT. WE GOT NUFFIN CLEVA TA SAY BOUT DAT. MAYBE SUMFING ABOUT IT BEING MADE BY DEM NECKBEARDED GROTZ WIV DA FEDORAZ AN STUFF
# <strike>You haven't had a new codex since 4th edition. And it's starting to show.</strike> SHUT IT YA GIT, WE'ZE DA ORKS AND YOU'Z A BUNCH O PANSY GITS! B'SIDES, WE IZ GOING TA GET NEW CODEX DIS 6TH ED! OI BOSS WEZ GOT A SEVENF EDISHUN CODEX BEFORE THE PANSY GITS DID! N NOW WE'Z GOTZ A SHINEY NEW 7 ORK-DITION CODEX-FINGY! 
# <strike>There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."</strike> WHO KEEPS LETTIN' DEZ' HUMIES IN 'ERE! WE'Z BLOODY INFESTED! GET DA BURNAZ! <strike>(Also [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is apparently too busy with pestering Forge world for more Space marine resin collections to be converted into plastic for the main product line to be bothered with our humble bumbling green skins.)</strike> Tipakill 'umie bee'ayevyohr dat iz. Alwayz ignorin' da orky fingz in loif an' only payin' attentchuhn to zoggin' 'umie fingz. Downroight shaymfol dat iz. Da onlee REEL orky 'umie dere iz iz dat Kaptuhn Yarik; Gork - or eh, iz it Mork? - bless 'iz 'eart. (Trust us greenskin, Matt Ward ignoring you is a good thing.) But waznt 'e fired fur being an annoying grot? I GOT DA BURNAZ!! WE HAVIN A BBQ?? MAKE MINE CRISPY AN DUN FORGET DA EXTRA SQUIG SAUCE
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]]. DEM WEIRDBOY GITZ JUST ORK'D TOO 'ARD!
# <strike>if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not [[Ultramarines|DEM]] blue gits The [[Tau|udda ones]] wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.</strike>'''*CRUNCH*''' OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz.
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis. You can piss on Space Marines, only to die a short while later.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT? Wait... Dat what dey call the mushroom'n'spore pods? Poor suckas! Dey have PAIN nerves down dat way? No WONDER dey scream so bad when we kick em there. 
#<strike>Even (some) vegetarians will eat you</strike> NOT IF WE EAT DEM FIRST! HAH! 
# You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain [[Farsight|Red Armored Swordsman]]. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT! 

== See Also ==
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks(7E)|Tactics/Orks]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Gargant]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXCLtD5batc Dem Ork Boyz Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwords.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|Deff Skwadron. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff'en
File:Bork_Kube.jpg|A viable Ork space ship design
</gallery></center>

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

[[category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]

Ork

2016-12-29T05:16:59Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.

''"War means fighting, and fighting means killing."'' 
-Nathan Bedford Forrest

[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we zoggin' go, let's break sum' 'eads!]]

The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major differences being that fantasy Orks are now called Orruks, and they have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting.

==Overview==

[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Ork_Boy|The original Boy]]. This guy has been around since 2nd ed.]]

::''"War is the business of barbarians."'' - Napoleon Bonaparte

Orks <strike>quite possibly could be</strike> '''*SLAM!*ARE''' the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]]. Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of it's power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them).
This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants and the fact that it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well survive injuries that would put a human to a crippled state. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork, [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually ''devolve'' instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during [[Xenology]] where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop.

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork ''is dismembered or dies.'' This means that, for Orks, combat and death are their principal means of reproduction and genetic exchange, and a Space Marine/Guardsman chainsawing/shooting/artillery-bombarding an ork just results in ten thousands, if not millions, of Orks coming for ya, kinda like [[tyranids]]. Nice Job chainsawing it, Space Marine. Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and [[dakka|shooty]] which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies ''while'' putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkily possible that the wielder ''should'' be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will, ultimately, go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.

A hallmark of Orkoid, for lack of a better term, civilization is the WAAAGH!. Always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point, the WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]]. One is the god of cunning brutality and the other is the god of brutal cunning, the difference being that one hits you when you aren't looking and the other hits you harder when you are. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition

Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists. All of them.

Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper.

==Ork Technology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of love, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The official explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that [[derp|badass]]. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox, if orks managened to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Emperor's own flagship. The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmententations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Orks and the Emperor==

One theory of the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be.

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Wyrdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), [[Dorfs|Brewerz]] (makers of alcohol; retconned), [[Noise Marines|Rockaz]] (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''']]

[[Speed freeks]] who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST ;) 

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who makes the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandos]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork?. . Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as NVGs, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. The concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders [[Skaven|do not believe that Kommandos actually exist]], but nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly [[Blood Ravens|hi-jacked]] a unit of 3 [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove 1 to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). As the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and 2 extra missiles.

Kommandos are typically distrusted by Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As there aint no such thing as a purple ork!

In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|bush]]/[[Dorf|barrel]]/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head.

An ork asked about Kommando groups. "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy | Weirdboyz]]====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (well, the only Orks who can decide to do it and it'll happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy.

==Retcons==
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===Rokkas===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock. It should also be noted that they are still available on Games Workshop's site. PARTY ON!
===Shoutas===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA'''

'''DROWNS OUT DA'''

'''COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''WAAAGH!!!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, not a FUCKING NINJA!

===Brewerz===
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the inns and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes. 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

===Female Orks===

MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!

Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff [[retcon]]ned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

(Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)

==Ork Klanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' Amish folk.
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
* '''Goffs''' are a buncha gloomy gits what don't ever have any fun and don't give a grot's toss about dakka, but dey'z somma da 'ardest of all da orks. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] himself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing <del>what's not nailed</del> if it's nailed down they'll loot the nails den loot da fing that was nailed down an' make it orky. [[Looted|Anyfing]]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blud Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'' an' ''recownasense'' an' ''camo'flage'' an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of ''retreat''. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its '''alwayz''' WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git! Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.

Later, when da humies learned dat der was six Beasts, and each lead a lejun o Boyz, dey started tinking dat each o da Clanz were da rem-re-leftovers o each Beasts lejun.</ul>

===Ork Non-Klanz===
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Den dere's da '''[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]''', boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz an' dat, Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like [[Kaptin Badrukk]] (teef), [[Wazdakka Gutsmek]] (goin' fast), or [[Zodgrod Wortsnagga]] (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like [[Kaptin Bluddflagg]] (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too.
* '''Feral Orkz''' are like Snakebites, but coz dey don't have a choice, what with not 'avin' access to Ork kulture seein' 'az dey don't have space travel. Often join the Snakebites as soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH.
* '''Speed Freekz''' is what you call da members o' da '''Kult o' Speed''', a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
</ul>

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when . But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot it self. Orks dont much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most every one around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotectic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" <strike>(Yeah Blood axes dont know when to shut up) </strike> '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 7th ork-dition Codex-fingy!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan talk legally like a retard.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike> *THUMP* LOK BOSS I GOT MEH WUN UH DEM UMIES!!!!
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too. A TRAGGADY, DAT IS!
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else.
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies. NAH, WE'S JUST GOT TA FIGURA' OUT WHUZ IN CHARGE NEXT, DAN WE COMES BACK AROUND TA FUMP EM AGAIN! <strike> Hiss! By that time we've NOMNOMNOMNOM'D on you </strike> '''*CRUNCH*''' ANUDDA 'EAD FER ME POINTY STIKK!
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus. OY, DOK. WUTZ DIS TETANATHINGY? CAN WE'Z SQUISH ET?
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour. ORKZ DUN' NEED ARMER! NOT WEN ORKZ GOT DAKKA!! SMASH DEM GITS WITOUT'IT!
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy. <strike> GOOD MEAT BAKKAWW! </strike> *THUMP* I DUNNO WUT DIS DUN SAID BUT IT URT ME EYES SO I KRUMPED IT!!!!
# You're part of [[Squad broken]]. WELL, UH... ZOGGIT. WE GOT NUFFIN CLEVA TA SAY BOUT DAT. MAYBE SUMFING ABOUT IT BEING MADE BY DEM NECKBEARDED GROTZ WIV DA FEDORAZ AN STUFF
# <strike>You haven't had a new codex since 4th edition. And it's starting to show.</strike> SHUT IT YA GIT, WE'ZE DA ORKS AND YOU'Z A BUNCH O PANSY GITS! B'SIDES, WE IZ GOING TA GET NEW CODEX DIS 6TH ED! OI BOSS WEZ GOT A SEVENF EDISHUN CODEX BEFORE THE PANSY GITS DID! N NOW WE'Z GOTZ A SHINEY NEW 7 ORK-DITION CODEX-FINGY! 
# <strike>There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."</strike> WHO KEEPS LETTIN' DEZ' HUMIES IN 'ERE! WE'Z BLOODY INFESTED! GET DA BURNAZ! <strike>(Also [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is apparently too busy with pestering Forge world for more Space marine resin collections to be converted into plastic for the main product line to be bothered with our humble bumbling green skins.)</strike> Tipakill 'umie bee'ayevyohr dat iz. Alwayz ignorin' da orky fingz in loif an' only payin' attentchuhn to zoggin' 'umie fingz. Downroight shaymfol dat iz. Da onlee REEL orky 'umie dere iz iz dat Kaptuhn Yarik; Gork - or eh, iz it Mork? - bless 'iz 'eart. (Trust us greenskin, Matt Ward ignoring you is a good thing.) But waznt 'e fired fur being an annoying grot? I GOT DA BURNAZ!! WE HAVIN A BBQ?? MAKE MINE CRISPY AN DUN FORGET DA EXTRA SQUIG SAUCE
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]]. DEM WEIRDBOY GITZ JUST ORK'D TOO 'ARD!
# <strike>if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not [[Ultramarines|DEM]] blue gits The [[Tau|udda ones]] wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.</strike>'''*CRUNCH*''' OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz.
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis. You can piss on Space Marines, only to die a short while later.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT? Wait... Dat what dey call the mushroom'n'spore pods? Poor suckas! Dey have PAIN nerves down dat way? No WONDER dey scream so bad when we kick em there. 
#<strike>Even (some) vegetarians will eat you</strike> NOT IF WE EAT DEM FIRST! HAH! 
# You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain [[Farsight|Red Armored Swordsman]]. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT! 

== See Also ==
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks(7E)|Tactics/Orks]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Gargant]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXCLtD5batc Dem Ork Boyz Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwords.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|Deff Skwadron. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff'en
File:Bork_Kube.jpg|A viable Ork space ship design
</gallery></center>

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

[[category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]

Ork

2016-12-29T05:12:14Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.

''"War means fighting, and fighting means killing."'' 
-Nathan Bedford Forrest

[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we zoggin' go, let's break sum' 'eads!]]

The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major differences being that fantasy Orks are now called Orruks, and they have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting.

==Overview==

[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Ork_Boy|The original Boy]]. This guy has been around since 2nd ed.]]

::''"War is the business of barbarians."'' - Napoleon Bonaparte

Orks <strike>quite possibly could be</strike> '''*SLAM!*ARE''' the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]]. Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of it's power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them).
This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants and the fact that it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well survive injuries that would put a human to a crippled state. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork, [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually ''devolve'' instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during [[Xenology]] where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop.

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork ''is dismembered or dies.'' This means that, for Orks, combat and death are their principal means of reproduction and genetic exchange, and a Space Marine/Guardsman chainsawing/shooting/artillery-bombarding an ork just results in ten thousands, if not millions, of Orks coming for ya, kinda like [[tyranids]]. Nice Job chainsawing it, Space Marine. Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and [[dakka|shooty]] which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies ''while'' putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkily possible that the wielder ''should'' be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will, ultimately, go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.

A hallmark of Orkoid, for lack of a better term, civilization is the WAAAGH!. Always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point, the WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]]. One is the god of cunning brutality and the other is the god of brutal cunning, the difference being that one hits you when you aren't looking and the other hits you harder when you are. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition

Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists. All of them.

Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper.

==Ork Technology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of love, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The official explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that [[derp|badass]]. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox, if orks managened to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Emperor's own flagship. The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmententations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Orks and the Emperor==

One theory of the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be.

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Wyrdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), [[Dorfs|Brewerz]] (makers of alcohol; retconned), [[Noise Marines|Rockaz]] (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''']]

[[Speed freeks]] who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST ;) 

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who makes the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandos]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork?. . Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as NVGs, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. The concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders [[Skaven|do not believe that Kommandos actually exist]], but nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly [[Blood Ravens|hi-jacked]] a unit of 3 [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove 1 to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). As the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and 2 extra missiles.

Kommandos are typically distrusted by Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As there aint no such thing as a purple ork!

In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|bush]]/[[Dorf|barrel]]/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head.

An ork asked about Kommando groups. "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy | Weirdboyz]]====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (well, the only Orks who can decide to do it and it'll happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy.

==Retcons==
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===Rokkas===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock. It should also be noted that they are still available on Games Workshop's site. PARTY ON!
===Shoutas===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA'''

'''DROWNS OUT DA'''

'''COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''WAAAGH!!!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, not a FUCKING NINJA!

'''See, iffin' you'z had sum of dat purpley paint, dis wouldn' be a problem now, would it?'''

===Brewerz===
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the inns and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes. 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

===Female Orks===

MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!

Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff [[retcon]]ned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

(Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)

==Ork Klanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' Amish folk.
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
* '''Goffs''' are a buncha gloomy gits what don't ever have any fun and don't give a grot's toss about dakka, but dey'z somma da 'ardest of all da orks. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] himself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing <del>what's not nailed</del> if it's nailed down they'll loot the nails den loot da fing that was nailed down an' make it orky. [[Looted|Anyfing]]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blud Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'' an' ''recownasense'' an' ''camo'flage'' an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of ''retreat''. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its '''alwayz''' WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git! Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.

Later, when da humies learned dat der was six Beasts, and each lead a lejun o Boyz, dey started tinking dat each o da Clanz were da rem-re-leftovers o each Beasts lejun.</ul>

===Ork Non-Klanz===
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Den dere's da '''[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]''', boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz an' dat, Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like [[Kaptin Badrukk]] (teef), [[Wazdakka Gutsmek]] (goin' fast), or [[Zodgrod Wortsnagga]] (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like [[Kaptin Bluddflagg]] (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too.
* '''Feral Orkz''' are like Snakebites, but coz dey don't have a choice, what with not 'avin' access to Ork kulture seein' 'az dey don't have space travel. Often join the Snakebites as soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH.
* '''Speed Freekz''' is what you call da members o' da '''Kult o' Speed''', a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
</ul>

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when . But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot it self. Orks dont much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most every one around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotectic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" <strike>(Yeah Blood axes dont know when to shut up) </strike> '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 7th ork-dition Codex-fingy!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan talk legally like a retard.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike> *THUMP* LOK BOSS I GOT MEH WUN UH DEM UMIES!!!!
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too. A TRAGGADY, DAT IS!
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else.
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies. NAH, WE'S JUST GOT TA FIGURA' OUT WHUZ IN CHARGE NEXT, DAN WE COMES BACK AROUND TA FUMP EM AGAIN! <strike> Hiss! By that time we've NOMNOMNOMNOM'D on you </strike> '''*CRUNCH*''' ANUDDA 'EAD FER ME POINTY STIKK!
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus. OY, DOK. WUTZ DIS TETANATHINGY? CAN WE'Z SQUISH ET?
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour. ORKZ DUN' NEED ARMER! NOT WEN ORKZ GOT DAKKA!! SMASH DEM GITS WITOUT'IT!
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy. <strike> GOOD MEAT BAKKAWW! </strike> *THUMP* I DUNNO WUT DIS DUN SAID BUT IT URT ME EYES SO I KRUMPED IT!!!!
# You're part of [[Squad broken]]. WELL, UH... ZOGGIT. WE GOT NUFFIN CLEVA TA SAY BOUT DAT. MAYBE SUMFING ABOUT IT BEING MADE BY DEM NECKBEARDED GROTZ WIV DA FEDORAZ AN STUFF
# <strike>You haven't had a new codex since 4th edition. And it's starting to show.</strike> SHUT IT YA GIT, WE'ZE DA ORKS AND YOU'Z A BUNCH O PANSY GITS! B'SIDES, WE IZ GOING TA GET NEW CODEX DIS 6TH ED! OI BOSS WEZ GOT A SEVENF EDISHUN CODEX BEFORE THE PANSY GITS DID! N NOW WE'Z GOTZ A SHINEY NEW 7 ORK-DITION CODEX-FINGY! 
# <strike>There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."</strike> WHO KEEPS LETTIN' DEZ' HUMIES IN 'ERE! WE'Z BLOODY INFESTED! GET DA BURNAZ! <strike>(Also [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is apparently too busy with pestering Forge world for more Space marine resin collections to be converted into plastic for the main product line to be bothered with our humble bumbling green skins.)</strike> Tipakill 'umie bee'ayevyohr dat iz. Alwayz ignorin' da orky fingz in loif an' only payin' attentchuhn to zoggin' 'umie fingz. Downroight shaymfol dat iz. Da onlee REEL orky 'umie dere iz iz dat Kaptuhn Yarik; Gork - or eh, iz it Mork? - bless 'iz 'eart. (Trust us greenskin, Matt Ward ignoring you is a good thing.) But waznt 'e fired fur being an annoying grot? I GOT DA BURNAZ!! WE HAVIN A BBQ?? MAKE MINE CRISPY AN DUN FORGET DA EXTRA SQUIG SAUCE
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]]. DEM WEIRDBOY GITZ JUST ORK'D TOO 'ARD!
# <strike>if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not [[Ultramarines|DEM]] blue gits The [[Tau|udda ones]] wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.</strike>'''*CRUNCH*''' OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz.
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis. You can piss on Space Marines, only to die a short while later.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT? Wait... Dat what dey call the mushroom'n'spore pods? Poor suckas! Dey have PAIN nerves down dat way? No WONDER dey scream so bad when we kick em there. 
#<strike>Even (some) vegetarians will eat you</strike> NOT IF WE EAT DEM FIRST! HAH! 
# You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain [[Farsight|Red Armored Swordsman]]. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT! 

== See Also ==
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks(7E)|Tactics/Orks]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Gargant]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXCLtD5batc Dem Ork Boyz Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwords.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|Deff Skwadron. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff'en
File:Bork_Kube.jpg|A viable Ork space ship design
</gallery></center>

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

[[category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]

Rak'gol

2016-12-29T04:50:30Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

The '''Rak'gol''' are a race of spacefaring pirate/psychopathic-murder-lizard/insect/cyborg... things. These guys are pretty much what happens when the [[Dark Eldar]] has all their kinkiness and faggotry replaced by badassary and [[awesome]]ness peppered with [[Rip and Tear]] and a touch of [[Cthulhu]]. But Games Workshop being Games Workshop, for some reason, hasn't created a Codex for these guys. The majority of [[/tg/]] pray that they will one day receive some added fluff and crunch on these Pirate-Cyborg-Lizard-Insects. Luckily, FFG decided to oblige us.

Some people in the Imperium (And a lot in real life) realized that the Rak'gol has no famous/infamous individuals in their society, heck even the Tyranids have more recognizable guys such as Old One Eye for example. Furthermore due to the common theme of ignorance in the Imperium and the vastness of space, it is quite common to see the Rak'gol excused as a mythological beast, hell even the name "Rak'gol" itself was the name of a mythical creature used to frighten children like the bogey man, before the Imperium even coined the name of their race in the first place. [[File:Rak'gol.jpg|650px|thumb|right| A face only a mother would love.]]

From what we ''have'' learned, the Rak'gol are a species of aliens that like to scavenge and loot things from other aliens. Often their would-be hostages are either killed, tortured then horribly killed, or are sent to [[Rape|areas best not talked about]]. They (and the Tyranids) are the only race whose origins have not been explored much, due to their first contact being in the outermost reaches of the Koronus Expanse and the fact that trying to negotiate and talk to them often ends with the interrogator being [[FATAL|ripped apart and shat upon]]. Because of this, the Imperium have trouble knowing what the hell these guys are up to. The only time the Imperium actually get a specimen to study, is a corpse, and the results are often at best inconclusive. Being described as reptilian with some insectoid features, they are infamous for their apparent [[Adeptus Mechanicus|hard-on for cybernetic surgery]], changing their already [[Tech Priest|deadly natural bodies into even more fearsome forms]]. Fortunately for the Imperium (or so they say...) the Rak'gol are easily identified by their apparent [[Ork|ramshackle designs of their starships]] as well as being the '''''[[What|only race whose]] [[Fail|technology is worse than]][[Ork| the Orks'.]]''''' Although their technology is relatively primitive, they make up for this with brutal simplicity of design. The Imperium considers them to be less intelligent than Orks, probably because they seem to lack any sort of language, communicating only in roars and grunts. It's unknown how they manage to coordinate the building of weaponry, let alone starships, but they seem to manage somehow...

==Anatomy==

Despite the Xenobiologists best attempts, we still know very little about their culture and way of thinking, fortunately what we do know is what these guys are made of. The Rak'gol is often described as having the odd combination of both reptilian and insectoid features, their most notable features include having eight limbs, very tough reptile-like scales, a mouth filled with teeth, a long prehensile tail ending with a barbed end, and laying eggs big enough that it should be considered out-right impossible by real world standards. Rak’Gol are large creatures that easily dwarf humans; standing a little over the height of a [[Space Marine]], and weighing upwards of 175 kilograms.

They are recognized among /tg/ for being one of the few races, I repeat FEW races in WH40K that looks and sound original, not like those [[Necrons|fantasy]] [[Chaos|races]] [[Eldar|in]] [[Orks|SPAAAACE!]] or those races that look like it got [[Tyranids|ripped]] [[Genestealer|out]] [[Tau|of]] [[Covenant|other]] [[H.G. Wells|Sci-Fi]] [[H.P. Lovecraft|works]] (then again, their culture is pretty much the Reavers from Firefly, though they might predate Firefly. Their name is also very similar to the Rakghouls from the [[Star Wars]] expanded universe, but are otherwise nothing alike). But back on topic, the Rak'gol other than their cybernetics, are shown to be incredibly strong and tough as nails, such as surviving in their nuclear leakage in their very own ships as well as shrugging off multiple Autogun shots like bee stings.

Furthermore, their brains are noted to be fairly...primitive when compared to Humans, but yet are still more advance then Orks. However that does not mean they are smarter though, and their apparent lack of creativity on their technology and weapons that would make even the Orks feel embarrassed should be noted on such instances. There are still no documented case for a female subject however, but we should be fortunate that we don't get to see one (God forbid [[/d/|/d/]] if they actually created one.)

==Caste==

The Rak'Gol at least show some sign of intelligence, in that they have a clear and specific rank (which is surprising given their apparently bestial nature), and thus they know who's boss of the Pirate Games.

'''Rak'gol Carvers:''' Your typical mooks, they are the youngest members of their race and look like the triple-bastard love-children of Slenderman, a mantis, and a velociraptor. Completely naked (but that doesn't stop them for being tough enough to shrug off Bolters like they were pea-shooters) and terrifyingly vicious. They are only allowed to be gifted with Cybernetics if they survive their first raid, and prove to their superiors that they can [[rip and tear]]. They're usually armed with basic stubbers or autoguns, but if they lose them, they can still use their claws, teeth and tails to rip Guardsmen apart like candy-floss. [[File:Rak'Gol_Scout.jpg|270px|thumb|right| These guys look like they might actually make it out alive...]]

'''Rak'gol Marauders:''' These guys are the most common and easily noticeable Rak'gol during their raids. They're upgraded Carvers (quite literally), and all of them possess a cybernetic feature of some kind. They typically carry Razor Guns or Howler Rifles, but very rarely carry Rad-beam Cannons instead. Often classified as the "Space Marine" of the Rak'gol, while their Carvers counterpart are the "Guardsmen" of the species.

'''Rak'gol Broodmasters:''' The captains and leaders of the Rak'gol. These aliens have so much bling and cybernetics that you could actually confuse them for an actual robot. They often tell their inferiors where to hunt and which places boast great opportunities for raiding parties. They also have a lieutenant version called '''Rak'gol Clutchmasters''', which are literally Broodmasters on a diet.

'''Rak'gol Abominations:''' As their name suggests, these are some of the most hideous members of the species, and incidentally their highest leaders.[[File:250px-Rak'Gol_Abomination.jpg|200px|thumb|right|...Oh God!]] Hulking and brutal, they fuse their Cybernetics with [[Chaos|Yu'vath technology]], making them incredibly dangerous and powerful. They look like the abominable fetus of a Rak'gol Broodmaster and Dr. Frank N. Furter.

'''Rak'gol Renders:''' Basically Abominations with extra helpings of [[Rage|RAEG]] and [[Rip and Tear|Rip And Tear]]. Apparently they can't or won't open doors, it is theorized by in setting sources that they aren't actually too stupid to use doors, they simply find it faster and easier to carve through them with outrageously fast Chainfists. In summation THEY GIVE ZERO FUCKS.

'''Techno-Shamans:''' You ever wonder what would happen if a Rak'gol stole some psykers from the Imperium and infused their powers into their cybernetics? Have you ever wondered what they would look like? Well rest assured, the Techno-Shamans are here! They look like they're wearing a Xenomorph head as a helmet and are known to make low-level psykers shit themselves in terror.

==Technology==

The technology of the Rak'gol is so ramshackle, primitive, and generally poor in quality that it makes [[Ork]] designs look ingenious. Yeah, seriously. Their ships are among the few still using nuclear fission reactors in the 41st millennium, as compared to the Imperium's plasma fusion generators. In fact, these aren't even ''good'' fission reactors; they regularly leak such massive amounts of radiation that any normal human would be killed almost instantly. This has led the Imperium to wonder just how durable these fuckers are.

The Rak'gol also tend to steal and use technology from other races, including the Imperium. This means that, essentially, they are the xenos equivalent of the [[Blood Ravens]]. On at least one occasion, a [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Xenobiologist]] misidentified them, because they had stolen so much.[[File:Rak'Gol_Vessels_chart.jpg|275px|thumb|left|[[Pretend|Such creativity, such beauty and finesse...]]]]

In fact, the only original thing these guys have (and their most famous trait) is their love of cybernetics. After every raid, surviving Rak'gol are implanted with cybernetics, both to improve their bodies and as a sign of status. Most of these are the typical, cliché implants, like arms or legs, but higher-status Rak'gol are gifted with fancy-schmancy rad-weapons or [[Power weapon|power claws]]. Despite the primitive look of these implants, they are highly effective, being made to [[get shit done]].

==Weapons==

It should be noted that most of the time, Rak'gol weapons are stolen Imperium [[Stubber|Stubbers]] and [[Autogun|Autoguns]], however here are a few weapons considered original to the Rak'gol, even though they look like they can only fire five shots before they're useable only as makeshift clubs (which they're designed to be good for). To be fair, Imperial ballistic weapons ''are'' incredibly powerful compared to modern arms, the fact they use 8-10mm bullets for assault rifles as opposed to battle rifles is pretty impressive.

'''Rak'gol Razor Gun:''' Think of these as an Orkified version of an Eldar monofilament weapon, they are usually modified Autoguns that fire barbed wire in a bullet shape, and are usually seen to [[Rip and Tear|rip and tear]] apart Guardsmen like wet-tissue paper thrown into a wood chipper.

'''Howler Rifle:''' Imagine these guns as triple-barreled machine guns built by Haitians... expect carnage, pain and the collateral damage of the "Woopsies, it seems my gun kind of broke apart and hit Jimmy on the eye!" variety. Are noted to vomit out so many bullets that the gouts of flame from the end of the barrels could be re-purposed as a [[Flamer|flamethrower]].

'''Rad-beam Cannon:''' These are essentially masers that shoot out beams of nuclear radiation that somehow [[What|"voraciously breaks down armour and materials"]]. Think of them as a combination of a [[Lascannon|Lascannon]] and a [[Hellhound|Chemical Thrower]] with an added [[Fallout|Fallout-esque look]]. Or if you've played Red Alert 2, it's almost exactly the same weapon the Iraqi Devastators use.

'''Rak'gol Rad Axe:''' These are literally power-axes that emit and contaminate the atmosphere with nuclear radiation. [[/tg/]] often imagines them as normal pole-axes with a red light or tinge at the tip of the blade. Damage usually includes severe radiation burns. Nasty stuff.

'''Rak'gol Intimidator:''' Nobody knows what they look like, not even the Ad-mech knows what the hell they're meant to be, other then be "Torture Devices" to any poor chap. We like to envision them as needle gloves like Scarecrow from Batman: Arkham Asylum, but those sick bastards from [[/d/|/d/]] like to imagine them as electro-whips used to "torture" captured Eldar women...

==Hypothesized Stats for the Rak'gol==
TROOPS CHOICE: RAK'GOL CARVERS

'''WS''' 4 / '''BS''' 3 / '''S''' 4 / '''T''' 4 / '''W''' 1 / '''I''' 4 / '''A''' 2 / '''Ld''' 8 / '''Sv''' 6+

;Composition
5 Rak'gol Carvers

;Unit Type
Infantry

;Wargear
* Stubber - Each have the following stats: '''Range''' 24" / '''Strength''' 3 / '''AP''' - / '''Type''' Rapid Fire
* Rak'gol Blades - Rak'gol Close Combat Weapons have the ''Shred'' USR.

;Special Rules: Feel No Pain (6+), Stubborn

;Options:
* May Include up to 5 additional Rak'gol Carvers for ''9 points per Model''
* Any model in a squad may replace their stubber for a '''Autogun''' for ''1 point per model''
* For every 5 models in a squad, one model may replace their stubber for one of the weapons in the following lists:
** ''Heavy Stubber'' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 36" / '''Strength''' 4 / '''AP''' 6 / '''Type''' Heavy 2......................10 Points
** ''Rak'gol Razor Gun'' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 24" / '''Strength''' 3 / '''AP''' 5 / '''Type''' Assault 3, Shred..............10 Points

''Autogun'' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 18" / '''Strength''' 3 / '''AP''' - / '''Type''' Assault 1
----
ELITE CHOICE: RAK'GOL MARAUDERS

'''WS''' 4 / '''BS''' 3 / '''S''' 4 / '''T''' 5 / '''W''' 1 / '''I''' 4 / '''A''' 2 / '''Ld''' 8 / '''Sv''' 4+

;Composition
4 Rak'gol Marauders
 1 Rak'gol Clutchmaster - Squad Leader (Ld 9 / Sv 3+)

;Unit Type
Infantry

;Wargear
* Autogun
* Rak'gol Razor Gun
* Rak'gol Blades
* Frag Grenades

;Special Rules
* '''''Stubborn'''''
* '''''Feel No Pain (6+)'''''
* '''''Eternal Warrior''''' - ''Clutchmaster Only''

;Options:
* May Include up to 5 additional Rak'gol Marauders for ''17 points per Model''
* Clutchmaster may make one of his weapons Master-Crafted for ''5 points per Model''
* For every 5 models in a squad, one model may replace their Autogun with a weapon from the following list:
** '''''Heavy Stubber'''''..................................5 Points
** '''''Rak'gol Razor Gun'''''..............................5 Points
** '''''Howler Rifle''''' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 48" / '''Strength''' 4 / '''AP''' 5 / '''Type''' Heavy 4, Barrage, Unstable.............15 Points
** '''''Rad-beam Cannon''''' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 36" / '''Strength''' 7 / '''AP''' 3 / '''Type''' Heavy 1, Melta, Unstable..............20 Points

''Unstable'' - Each time the model rolls a 1 on its To-Hit roll, roll a D6. On a roll of 4+, the model and any model within 6-inches automatically takes a S4 AP- wound. Infantry may take armour or invul saves, vehicles take a 3+ save against it or lose a Hull Point. Master-Crafting nullifies this rule.

----
ELITE CHOICE: RAK'GOL RENDERS

'''WS''' 5 / '''BS''' 3 / '''S''' 4 / '''T''' 5 / '''W''' 1 / '''I''' 5 / '''A''' 4 / '''Ld''' 9 / '''Sv''' 4+

;Composition
4 Rak'gol Renders
 1 Clutchmaster Squad Leader (Ld 9 / Sv 3+)

;Unit Type
Infantry

;Wargear
* Autogun
* Rak'gol Blades

;Special Rules
* '''''Stubborn'''''
* '''''Feel No Pain (6+)'''''
* '''''Fear'''''
* '''''Furious Charge'''''
* '''''Eternal Warrior''''' - ''Clutchmaster Only''

;Options:
* May Include up to 5 additional Rak'gol Marauders for ''19 points per Model''
* For every 5 models in a squad, one model may replace their Autogun for a '''Razor Gun''' for ''5 points per Model''
* Any model in a squad may replace their Rak'gol Blades with '''Rak'gol Rad Axes''' for 5 points per model
* Clutchmaster may make one of his weapons Master-Crafted for ''5 points per Model''

Rak'gol Rad Axe - Has the following Stats: '''S''' +1 / '''AP''' 3 / Two-Handed, Fleshbane

----
HQ CHOICE: RAK'GOL BROODMASTERS
- '''90 Points'''

'''WS''' 6 / '''BS''' 4 / '''S''' 5 / '''T''' 5 / '''W''' 2 / '''I''' 5 / '''A''' 4 / '''Ld''' 10 / '''Sv''' 3+

;Unit Type
Infantry

;Wargear
* Twin-Linked Rak'gol Razor Gun
* Rak'gol Rad Axe
* Superior Bionics - Broodmaster gains the ''It Will Not Die'' USR.
* Frag Grenades

;Special Rules
* '''''Eternal Warrior'''''
* '''''Hatred'''''
* '''''Stubborn'''''
* '''''Feel No Pain (6+)'''''

;Options:
* The Broodmaster may make one of his weapons Master-Crafted for ''5 points''
* The Broodmaster may replace his Razor Guns with Twin-Linked weapons from the following list:
** '''''Heavy Stubbers''''' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 36" / '''Strength''' 4 / '''AP''' 6 / '''Type''' Heavy 2, Twin-Linked...........................5 Points
** '''''Howler Rifles''''' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 48" / '''Strength''' 4 / '''AP''' 5 / '''Type''' Heavy 3, Barrage, Twin-Linked, Unstable.............10 Points
** '''''Rad-beam Cannons''''' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 36" / '''Strength''' 7 / '''AP''' 4 / '''Type''' Heavy 1, Melta, Twin-Linked, Unstable..............15 Points
* The Broodmaster may replace his Rak'gol Rad Axe with a '''Rak'gol Intimidator''' for 10 points.

''Rak'gol Intimidator'' - Has the following Stats: '''S''' USER / '''AP''' 4 / Poison, Rending

==Gallery==
<gallery>

</gallery>

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Rak'gol

2016-12-29T04:50:02Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

The '''Rak'gol''' are a race of spacefaring pirate/psychopathic-murder-lizard/insect/cyborg... things. These guys are pretty much what happens when the [[Dark Eldar]] has all their kinkiness and faggotry replaced by badassary and [[awesome]]ness peppered with [[Rip and Tear]] and a touch of [[Cthulhu]]. But Games Workshop being Games Workshop, for some reason, hasn't created a Codex for these guys. The majority of [[/tg/]] pray that they will one day receive some added fluff and crunch on these Pirate-Cyborg-Lizard-Insects. Luckily, FFG decided to oblige us.

Some people in the Imperium (And a lot in real life) realized that the Rak'gol has no famous/infamous individuals in their society, heck even the Tyranids have more recognizable guys such as Old One Eye for example. Furthermore due to the common theme of ignorance in the Imperium and the vastness of space, it is quite common to see the Rak'gol excused as a mythological beast, hell even the name "Rak'gol" itself was the name of a mythical creature used to frighten children like the bogey man, before the Imperium even coined the name of their race in the first place. [[File:Rak'gol.jpg|650px|thumb|right| A face only a mother would love.]]

From what we ''have'' learned, the Rak'gol are a species of aliens that like to scavenge and loot things from other aliens. Often their would-be hostages are either killed, tortured then horribly killed, or are sent to [[Rape|areas best not talked about]]. They (and the Tyranids) are the only race whose origins have not been explored much, due to their first contact being in the outermost reaches of the Koronus Expanse and the fact that trying to negotiate and talk to them often ends with the interrogator being [[FATAL|ripped apart and shat upon]]. Because of this, the Imperium have trouble knowing what the hell these guys are up to. The only time the Imperium actually get a specimen to study, is a corpse, and the results are often at best inconclusive. Being described as reptilian with some insectoid features, they are infamous for their apparent [[Adeptus Mechanicus|hard-on for cybernetic surgery]], changing their already [[Tech Priest|deadly natural bodies into even more fearsome forms]]. Fortunately for the Imperium (or so they say...) the Rak'gol are easily identified by their apparent [[Ork|ramshackle designs of their starships]] as well as being the '''''[[What|only race whose]] [[Fail|technology is worse than]][[Ork| the Orks'.]]''''' Although their technology is relatively primitive, they make up for this with brutal simplicity of design. The Imperium considers them to be less intelligent than Orks, probably because they seem to lack any sort of language, communicating only in roars and grunts. It's unknown how they manage to coordinate the building of weaponry, let alone starships, but they seem to manage somehow...

==Anatomy==

Despite the Xenobiologists best attempts, we still know very little about their culture and way of thinking, fortunately what we do know is what these guys are made of. The Rak'gol is often described as having the odd combination of both reptilian and insectoid features, their most notable features include having eight limbs, very tough reptile-like scales, a mouth filled with teeth, a long prehensile tail ending with a barbed end, and laying eggs big enough that it should be considered out-right impossible by real world standards. Rak’Gol are large creatures that easily dwarf humans; standing a little over the height of a [[Space Marine]], and weighing upwards of 175 kilograms.

They are recognized among /tg/ for being one of the few races, I repeat FEW races in WH40K that looks and sound original, not like those [[Necrons|fantasy]] [[Chaos|races]] [[Eldar|in]] [[Orks|SPAAAACE!]] or those races that look like it got [[Tyranids|ripped]] [[Genestealer|out]] [[Tau|of]] [[Covenant|other]] [[H.G. Wells|Sci-Fi]] [[H.P. Lovecraft|works]] (then again, their culture is pretty much the Reavers from Firefly, though they might predate Firefly. Their name is also very similar to the Rakghouls from the [[Star Wars]] expanded universe, but are otherwise nothing alike). But back on topic, the Rak'gol other than their cybernetics, are shown to be incredibly strong and tough as nails, such as surviving in their nuclear leakage in their very own ships as well as shrugging off multiple Autogun shots like bee stings.

Furthermore, their brains are noted to be fairly...primitive when compared to Humans, but yet are still more advance then Orks. However that does not mean they are smarter though, and their apparent lack of creativity on their technology and weapons that would make even the Orks feel embarrassed should be noted on such instances. There are still no documented case for a female subject however, but we should be fortunate that we don't get to see one (God forbid [[/d/|/d/]] if they actually created one.

==Caste==

The Rak'Gol at least show some sign of intelligence, in that they have a clear and specific rank (which is surprising given their apparently bestial nature), and thus they know who's boss of the Pirate Games.

'''Rak'gol Carvers:''' Your typical mooks, they are the youngest members of their race and look like the triple-bastard love-children of Slenderman, a mantis, and a velociraptor. Completely naked (but that doesn't stop them for being tough enough to shrug off Bolters like they were pea-shooters) and terrifyingly vicious. They are only allowed to be gifted with Cybernetics if they survive their first raid, and prove to their superiors that they can [[rip and tear]]. They're usually armed with basic stubbers or autoguns, but if they lose them, they can still use their claws, teeth and tails to rip Guardsmen apart like candy-floss. [[File:Rak'Gol_Scout.jpg|270px|thumb|right| These guys look like they might actually make it out alive...]]

'''Rak'gol Marauders:''' These guys are the most common and easily noticeable Rak'gol during their raids. They're upgraded Carvers (quite literally), and all of them possess a cybernetic feature of some kind. They typically carry Razor Guns or Howler Rifles, but very rarely carry Rad-beam Cannons instead. Often classified as the "Space Marine" of the Rak'gol, while their Carvers counterpart are the "Guardsmen" of the species.

'''Rak'gol Broodmasters:''' The captains and leaders of the Rak'gol. These aliens have so much bling and cybernetics that you could actually confuse them for an actual robot. They often tell their inferiors where to hunt and which places boast great opportunities for raiding parties. They also have a lieutenant version called '''Rak'gol Clutchmasters''', which are literally Broodmasters on a diet.

'''Rak'gol Abominations:''' As their name suggests, these are some of the most hideous members of the species, and incidentally their highest leaders.[[File:250px-Rak'Gol_Abomination.jpg|200px|thumb|right|...Oh God!]] Hulking and brutal, they fuse their Cybernetics with [[Chaos|Yu'vath technology]], making them incredibly dangerous and powerful. They look like the abominable fetus of a Rak'gol Broodmaster and Dr. Frank N. Furter.

'''Rak'gol Renders:''' Basically Abominations with extra helpings of [[Rage|RAEG]] and [[Rip and Tear|Rip And Tear]]. Apparently they can't or won't open doors, it is theorized by in setting sources that they aren't actually too stupid to use doors, they simply find it faster and easier to carve through them with outrageously fast Chainfists. In summation THEY GIVE ZERO FUCKS.

'''Techno-Shamans:''' You ever wonder what would happen if a Rak'gol stole some psykers from the Imperium and infused their powers into their cybernetics? Have you ever wondered what they would look like? Well rest assured, the Techno-Shamans are here! They look like they're wearing a Xenomorph head as a helmet and are known to make low-level psykers shit themselves in terror.

==Technology==

The technology of the Rak'gol is so ramshackle, primitive, and generally poor in quality that it makes [[Ork]] designs look ingenious. Yeah, seriously. Their ships are among the few still using nuclear fission reactors in the 41st millennium, as compared to the Imperium's plasma fusion generators. In fact, these aren't even ''good'' fission reactors; they regularly leak such massive amounts of radiation that any normal human would be killed almost instantly. This has led the Imperium to wonder just how durable these fuckers are.

The Rak'gol also tend to steal and use technology from other races, including the Imperium. This means that, essentially, they are the xenos equivalent of the [[Blood Ravens]]. On at least one occasion, a [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Xenobiologist]] misidentified them, because they had stolen so much.[[File:Rak'Gol_Vessels_chart.jpg|275px|thumb|left|[[Pretend|Such creativity, such beauty and finesse...]]]]

In fact, the only original thing these guys have (and their most famous trait) is their love of cybernetics. After every raid, surviving Rak'gol are implanted with cybernetics, both to improve their bodies and as a sign of status. Most of these are the typical, cliché implants, like arms or legs, but higher-status Rak'gol are gifted with fancy-schmancy rad-weapons or [[Power weapon|power claws]]. Despite the primitive look of these implants, they are highly effective, being made to [[get shit done]].

==Weapons==

It should be noted that most of the time, Rak'gol weapons are stolen Imperium [[Stubber|Stubbers]] and [[Autogun|Autoguns]], however here are a few weapons considered original to the Rak'gol, even though they look like they can only fire five shots before they're useable only as makeshift clubs (which they're designed to be good for). To be fair, Imperial ballistic weapons ''are'' incredibly powerful compared to modern arms, the fact they use 8-10mm bullets for assault rifles as opposed to battle rifles is pretty impressive.

'''Rak'gol Razor Gun:''' Think of these as an Orkified version of an Eldar monofilament weapon, they are usually modified Autoguns that fire barbed wire in a bullet shape, and are usually seen to [[Rip and Tear|rip and tear]] apart Guardsmen like wet-tissue paper thrown into a wood chipper.

'''Howler Rifle:''' Imagine these guns as triple-barreled machine guns built by Haitians... expect carnage, pain and the collateral damage of the "Woopsies, it seems my gun kind of broke apart and hit Jimmy on the eye!" variety. Are noted to vomit out so many bullets that the gouts of flame from the end of the barrels could be re-purposed as a [[Flamer|flamethrower]].

'''Rad-beam Cannon:''' These are essentially masers that shoot out beams of nuclear radiation that somehow [[What|"voraciously breaks down armour and materials"]]. Think of them as a combination of a [[Lascannon|Lascannon]] and a [[Hellhound|Chemical Thrower]] with an added [[Fallout|Fallout-esque look]]. Or if you've played Red Alert 2, it's almost exactly the same weapon the Iraqi Devastators use.

'''Rak'gol Rad Axe:''' These are literally power-axes that emit and contaminate the atmosphere with nuclear radiation. [[/tg/]] often imagines them as normal pole-axes with a red light or tinge at the tip of the blade. Damage usually includes severe radiation burns. Nasty stuff.

'''Rak'gol Intimidator:''' Nobody knows what they look like, not even the Ad-mech knows what the hell they're meant to be, other then be "Torture Devices" to any poor chap. We like to envision them as needle gloves like Scarecrow from Batman: Arkham Asylum, but those sick bastards from [[/d/|/d/]] like to imagine them as electro-whips used to "torture" captured Eldar women...

==Hypothesized Stats for the Rak'gol==
TROOPS CHOICE: RAK'GOL CARVERS

'''WS''' 4 / '''BS''' 3 / '''S''' 4 / '''T''' 4 / '''W''' 1 / '''I''' 4 / '''A''' 2 / '''Ld''' 8 / '''Sv''' 6+

;Composition
5 Rak'gol Carvers

;Unit Type
Infantry

;Wargear
* Stubber - Each have the following stats: '''Range''' 24" / '''Strength''' 3 / '''AP''' - / '''Type''' Rapid Fire
* Rak'gol Blades - Rak'gol Close Combat Weapons have the ''Shred'' USR.

;Special Rules: Feel No Pain (6+), Stubborn

;Options:
* May Include up to 5 additional Rak'gol Carvers for ''9 points per Model''
* Any model in a squad may replace their stubber for a '''Autogun''' for ''1 point per model''
* For every 5 models in a squad, one model may replace their stubber for one of the weapons in the following lists:
** ''Heavy Stubber'' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 36" / '''Strength''' 4 / '''AP''' 6 / '''Type''' Heavy 2......................10 Points
** ''Rak'gol Razor Gun'' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 24" / '''Strength''' 3 / '''AP''' 5 / '''Type''' Assault 3, Shred..............10 Points

''Autogun'' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 18" / '''Strength''' 3 / '''AP''' - / '''Type''' Assault 1
----
ELITE CHOICE: RAK'GOL MARAUDERS

'''WS''' 4 / '''BS''' 3 / '''S''' 4 / '''T''' 5 / '''W''' 1 / '''I''' 4 / '''A''' 2 / '''Ld''' 8 / '''Sv''' 4+

;Composition
4 Rak'gol Marauders
 1 Rak'gol Clutchmaster - Squad Leader (Ld 9 / Sv 3+)

;Unit Type
Infantry

;Wargear
* Autogun
* Rak'gol Razor Gun
* Rak'gol Blades
* Frag Grenades

;Special Rules
* '''''Stubborn'''''
* '''''Feel No Pain (6+)'''''
* '''''Eternal Warrior''''' - ''Clutchmaster Only''

;Options:
* May Include up to 5 additional Rak'gol Marauders for ''17 points per Model''
* Clutchmaster may make one of his weapons Master-Crafted for ''5 points per Model''
* For every 5 models in a squad, one model may replace their Autogun with a weapon from the following list:
** '''''Heavy Stubber'''''..................................5 Points
** '''''Rak'gol Razor Gun'''''..............................5 Points
** '''''Howler Rifle''''' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 48" / '''Strength''' 4 / '''AP''' 5 / '''Type''' Heavy 4, Barrage, Unstable.............15 Points
** '''''Rad-beam Cannon''''' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 36" / '''Strength''' 7 / '''AP''' 3 / '''Type''' Heavy 1, Melta, Unstable..............20 Points

''Unstable'' - Each time the model rolls a 1 on its To-Hit roll, roll a D6. On a roll of 4+, the model and any model within 6-inches automatically takes a S4 AP- wound. Infantry may take armour or invul saves, vehicles take a 3+ save against it or lose a Hull Point. Master-Crafting nullifies this rule.

----
ELITE CHOICE: RAK'GOL RENDERS

'''WS''' 5 / '''BS''' 3 / '''S''' 4 / '''T''' 5 / '''W''' 1 / '''I''' 5 / '''A''' 4 / '''Ld''' 9 / '''Sv''' 4+

;Composition
4 Rak'gol Renders
 1 Clutchmaster Squad Leader (Ld 9 / Sv 3+)

;Unit Type
Infantry

;Wargear
* Autogun
* Rak'gol Blades

;Special Rules
* '''''Stubborn'''''
* '''''Feel No Pain (6+)'''''
* '''''Fear'''''
* '''''Furious Charge'''''
* '''''Eternal Warrior''''' - ''Clutchmaster Only''

;Options:
* May Include up to 5 additional Rak'gol Marauders for ''19 points per Model''
* For every 5 models in a squad, one model may replace their Autogun for a '''Razor Gun''' for ''5 points per Model''
* Any model in a squad may replace their Rak'gol Blades with '''Rak'gol Rad Axes''' for 5 points per model
* Clutchmaster may make one of his weapons Master-Crafted for ''5 points per Model''

Rak'gol Rad Axe - Has the following Stats: '''S''' +1 / '''AP''' 3 / Two-Handed, Fleshbane

----
HQ CHOICE: RAK'GOL BROODMASTERS
- '''90 Points'''

'''WS''' 6 / '''BS''' 4 / '''S''' 5 / '''T''' 5 / '''W''' 2 / '''I''' 5 / '''A''' 4 / '''Ld''' 10 / '''Sv''' 3+

;Unit Type
Infantry

;Wargear
* Twin-Linked Rak'gol Razor Gun
* Rak'gol Rad Axe
* Superior Bionics - Broodmaster gains the ''It Will Not Die'' USR.
* Frag Grenades

;Special Rules
* '''''Eternal Warrior'''''
* '''''Hatred'''''
* '''''Stubborn'''''
* '''''Feel No Pain (6+)'''''

;Options:
* The Broodmaster may make one of his weapons Master-Crafted for ''5 points''
* The Broodmaster may replace his Razor Guns with Twin-Linked weapons from the following list:
** '''''Heavy Stubbers''''' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 36" / '''Strength''' 4 / '''AP''' 6 / '''Type''' Heavy 2, Twin-Linked...........................5 Points
** '''''Howler Rifles''''' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 48" / '''Strength''' 4 / '''AP''' 5 / '''Type''' Heavy 3, Barrage, Twin-Linked, Unstable.............10 Points
** '''''Rad-beam Cannons''''' - Has the following stats: '''Range''' 36" / '''Strength''' 7 / '''AP''' 4 / '''Type''' Heavy 1, Melta, Twin-Linked, Unstable..............15 Points
* The Broodmaster may replace his Rak'gol Rad Axe with a '''Rak'gol Intimidator''' for 10 points.

''Rak'gol Intimidator'' - Has the following Stats: '''S''' USER / '''AP''' 4 / Poison, Rending

==Gallery==
<gallery>

</gallery>

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T04:19:16Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of "manly" tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]].
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*His failure to realize that even the Primarchs possessed the classic human failing that is the tendency to feel instead of think, ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep and train in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium might possibly have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T04:17:16Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of "manly" tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]].
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*His failure to realize that even the Primarchs possessed the classic human failing that is the tendency to feel instead of think, ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep and train in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium might possibly have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T04:16:00Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of "manly" tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]].
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*His failure to realize that even the Primarchs possessed the classic human failing that is the tendency to feel instead of think, ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep and train in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium might possibly have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
File:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T04:10:28Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of "manly" tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]].
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*His failure to realize that even the Primarchs possessed the classic human failing that is the tendency to feel instead of think, ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep and train in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium might possibly have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it/xe was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
File:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T04:08:54Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of "manly" tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]].
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*His failure to realize that even the Primarchs possessed the classic human failing that is the tendency to feel instead of think, ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep and train in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium might possibly have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being [[Ultramarines|buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding]] in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it/xe was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
File:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T04:08:06Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of "manly" tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]].
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*His failure to realize that even the Primarchs possessed the classic human failing that is the tendency to feel instead of think, ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep and train in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium would might posaibly fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being [[Ultramarines|buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding]] in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it/xe was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
File:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T04:06:50Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of "manly" tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]].
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*His failure to realize that even the Primarchs possessed the classic human failing that is the tendency to feel instead of think, ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep and train in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium would have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself. So yes, much like IRL religion, it gives them hope and courage to fight on and survive in a universe that leaves the [[grimdark]] faucet running everyday and night.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being [[Ultramarines|buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding]] in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it/xe was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
File:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T04:03:04Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of "manly" tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]].
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*His failure to realize that even the Primarchs possessed the classic human failing that is the tendency to feel instead of think, ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep, and to have Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium would have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself. So yes, much like IRL religion, it gives them hope and courage to fight on and survive in a universe that leaves the [[grimdark]] faucet running everyday and night.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being [[Ultramarines|buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding]] in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it/xe was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
File:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T03:57:23Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of "manly" tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]].
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*His failure to realize that even the Primarchs possessed the classic human failing that is the tendency to feel instead of think, ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of bravery and perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep, and to have Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium would have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself. So yes, much like IRL religion, it gives them hope and courage to fight on and survive in a universe that leaves the [[grimdark]] faucet running everyday and night.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being [[Ultramarines|buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding]] in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it/xe was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
File:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

Scott McNeil

2016-12-29T03:33:13Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{stub}}
[[File:Scott McNiel.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Scott McNeil. Godsdamnit, he's hot.]]

'''''SCOTT MCNEIL! MIGHTY IS HE!'''''

He's a voice actor who has done thousands of voices in over a hundred different animated shows and games, and is most notable on /tg/ for being the voice of [[The Actors of Warhammer 40,000 | an extraordinary number of Warhammer 40,000 characters]].

[[Night Lords|And he's coming for]] [[Anal Circumference|you]].

==Overview==

Scott's not a bad VA by any means but companies that use him (most notably Relic) tend to overuse him; he is [[Troll|notorious]] for having done close to 60% of the voices for both [[Dawn of War|Dark Crusade]] and [[Dawn of War|Soulstorm]]. He did very nicely at first, providing the voice for SSSSSINNNDRRIII which everyone unanimously regards as good, and the voice of Lord Bale, which people had no problem with. His return as the Chaos Sorcerer in CR was also heralded with [[Fist of the North Star|many "manly" tears]] of awesomeness, and his portrayal of [[Davian Thule]] is similarly well received. However, he is also responsible for untold mountains of Youtube poop, due to his performance as Indrick 'SPESS MEHREENS' Boreale, and Firaveous 'METAHL BAWKSES' Carron. This is more to be blamed on the shit writing of Soulstorm, rather than the guy's voice acting skills, <del> in fact he probably decided to try to create as many [[meme]]s as possible after seeing that [[Fail| excuse for a script]]. </del> {{Blam}}

He also does the voice of Merrick, who is unanimously loved by everyone, along with virtually all of the voices of regular Imperial Guardsmen in both games. He is also notable as a pretty cool guy, eh, voices nearly everyone and isn't afraid of anything. Though with <strike>Michael Dobson</strike> (Michael was Lord Crull) Brian Dobson voicing the Force Commander, and pretty much the entire Space Marine faction and his brother Paul Dobson voicing almost the entire Chaos Space Marine faction, some would say that Scott has lost this title.

Side note: he did some voice work for my little pony.

==Memes Generated by Scott MOTHERFUCKING McNeil==
* [[Lord Bale|SINDRIIIIIIIIII!]]
* [[Sindri Myr|SENDREEEYY!]]
* [[Firaeveus Carron|METAL BAWKSES!]]
* [[Cornholio the Cultist|I AM KHORNEHOLIO; I NEED DEATH FOR MY BUNGHOLE!]]
* [[Indrick Boreale|SPEHSS]] [[Space Marines|MAHRENS]]
* [[Emperor|EMPRAH]]

[[Category:Imperial]] [[Category: Awesome]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T03:12:54Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of "manly" tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]]. The Imperial Truth tried to do this, but apparently it failed to take into account that the Dark Age of Technology had shown that "reason", "logic", and "humanism" didn't work in the past either. The fact that the Imperial Cult took off so quickly after the Emperor's internment on the Golden Throne and is arguably the only thing keeping the Imperium a remotely unified entity is proof that the Emperor was once again too stubborn for his own good, or perhaps he was just too divorced from the "normal" human condition to understand the value of faith.
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*Most damningly of all, his total disregard for the possibility that the Primarchs might actually have their own thoughts and feelings ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of bravery and perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep, and to have Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium would have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself. So yes, much like IRL religion, it gives them hope and courage to fight on and survive in a universe that leaves the [[grimdark]] faucet running everyday and night.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being [[Ultramarines|buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding]] in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it/xe was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
File:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T03:10:21Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of manly tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, Conan the Barbarian, Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]]. The Imperial Truth tried to do this, but apparently it failed to take into account that the Dark Age of Technology had shown that "reason", "logic", and "humanism" didn't work in the past either. The fact that the Imperial Cult took off so quickly after the Emperor's internment on the Golden Throne and is arguably the only thing keeping the Imperium a remotely unified entity is proof that the Emperor was once again too stubborn for his own good, or perhaps he was just too divorced from the "normal" human condition to understand the value of faith.
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*Most damningly of all, his total disregard for the possibility that the Primarchs might actually have their own thoughts and feelings ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of bravery and perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep, and to have Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium would have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself. So yes, much like IRL religion, it gives them hope and courage to fight on and survive in a universe that leaves the [[grimdark]] faucet running everyday and night.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being [[Ultramarines|buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding]] in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it/xe was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
File:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The God-Emperor of Mankind

2016-12-29T03:07:43Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Lord of Mankind.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Liberating the galaxy is one thing, but he was so powerful he never once stopped looking ''fabulous'' while doing it.]]
<div style="text-align:center;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:normal;font-style:normal;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> I have come to eradicate Religion as it is the bane of Man, warped in superstition, ignorance and fear! - The Emperor before the Treason of Horus''' </div>

<blockquote>We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake he has faced down Chaos; he withstood death and was enthroned. To this day he lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; he resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.
 ++ Ayhmen ++ 
-- the [[Imperial Cult|Creed]] of the Mankind's Council of Nicene of Holy Terra</blockquote>

''"Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please."'' 
— Niccoló Machiavelli

''Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.'' 
''Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.'' 
''Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?'' 
''Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?'' 
- Epicurus

The '''God-Emperor of Mankind''', also known as '''The Emprah''', '''Emps''', '''Big E''', '''E-Money''', '''Augustus Imperator''', '''Master of Mankind''', '''Space Jesus,''' and also sometimes called '''The Anathema''', '''The Carrion Lord''', '''The False Emperor''', '''The Immortal Emperor''' or '''The Corpse on the Throne''' is the figurehead ruler of the [[Imperium of Man]] in the [[Warhammer 40k]] universe and is the only sustaining [[Tzeentch|Hope]] for Humanity as Faster than Light Travel is [[Astronomican|entirely dependent on Him]]. The [[Administratum]] He established, continues to govern the [[Imperium]] in His name, but it is generally accepted that the absence of the Emperor's proper guidance is what has turned the Imperium into the [[/b/|hellish mess]] that it is. In the [[Imperium]], questioning whatever your superior yells at you, is "moronic" and [[heresy|heretical]], and is typically punished by [[blam|peace]] (at least in the material realm). He created the 20 primarchs, who viewed him as their "father". However, he saw them more as tools, and instead of names, referred to them by numbers. *Dick*. It goes without saying that would The Emperor be up and about in the 41st millennium He would be very disappointed. Most fa/tg/uys expect Him to [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0191520/bio speak in a generic deep, stentorian voice].

Also wrote Pinocchio, which would make Carlo Collodi one of his aliases, He also began life as a two-bit undertaker in an obscure Middle-Eastern village.

==The Entire History of the Emprah==
===Early life===
[[File:Majestica.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Big E gets all the bitches.]]
The Emperor is a [[Perpetual]]; an immortal psyker with countless lifetimes' worth of knowledge and power and the ambition to use it. According to the fluff, the being that would eventually become known as The Emperor was born in 8000 BC in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) on the banks of the Sakarya river to a tribe of proto-[[Wikipedia:Hittites|Hittites]]. From his own account, his path towards greatness was spurred on when his uncle murdered his father; so kid-Emps did the responsible thing and gave his uncle a myocardial infarction. Kid-Emps then realised that humans needed laws, and good laws needed to be given by good leaders: setting him on the (xeno/geno)cidal path of self-righteousness and conquest that would continue for the next 38,000 years.

Allegedly, ''(according to 1st & 2nd edition fluff)'', his birth was the result of hundreds of human shamans committing ritual suicide to be reborn as a single individual capable of protecting humanity from the [[Chaos Gods]]. However, [[Skub|the validity of this fluff is frequently questioned]], given it hasn't been "official" since second edition. However, this theory seems unlikely, especially given that other Perpetuals are known to exist, [[Ollanius Pius|some of which]] may be even older than the Emperor, and they don't have godlike powers. The Chaos Gods apparently view the Emperor as an equal/rival due to his acquisition of powers at a later point ''(see below)''. Yet other fluff tidbits imply that he is some sort of flesh-construct from the Dark Age of Technology run amok and aping human affectation. This one seems to have some level of truth to it, as Constantin Valdor neither confirmed nor denied it when a shit-kicking Nord Afrikan minister mentioned it to him.

The 1st & 2nd edition fluff also mentions that He guided humanity throughout history under a number of guises, such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Randy 'the Macho Man' Savage etc. And, it ''has'' to be assumed, [[Conan the Barbarian]]. ''(It is also possible that He was Russian emperor Peter I, purely based on the fact that imperial Russia's symbol was the two-headed eagle, and Peter I was considered huge (or great, depending on translation))''

Sometime around the 11th or 12th century, He battled a shard of the [[Void Dragon]] in modern-day Libya. He eventually defeated it and locked it on [[Mars]], allowing the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] to control machines... eventually. Of course, it's not entirely clear whether this is true or not -- it's entirely possible that ALL of the Emperor's history is a lazily-crafted lie He throws around because no one can debunk it. Although given how [[Awesome]] it sounds, we're going to say it is. Either that, or it's just another example of how [[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] can't be bothered to keep their stories consistent even about the most important parts of the setting.

Whatever his actual origins might have been, for the most part He more or less stayed out of the way of humanity's progress during the next 30,000 years of history, including the [[Dark Age of Technology]], though hot-off-the-press fluff indicates He might have been traversing outer space in old-style NASA rockets with the other Perpetuals, to eventually coming to find the planet '''Molech''', where He passed through a gateway that led ''directly'' to the fortresses of the four [[Chaos Gods]]. Here He either challenged, bargained, or stole portions of power from a source claimed by the gods as their own. This would earn Him the ire of the duped/defeated Ruinous Powers, who consider him as some sort of usurper or that he reneged on some kind of undisclosed deal we haven't been made aware of yet.

===Unification Wars===
He returned to Terra at the closing years of the [[Age of Strife]]. With Terra cut off from the rest of the Human empire and the Terra itself ruled by warring "techno-barbarians", in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, the E-money decided to reveal Himself, using His mastery of genetic engineering to create the [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]] and cheaper, easier to make [[Thunder Warriors]] ''(the predecessors of the Space Marines)''. Using "join-me-or-die" tactics, He managed to conquer the entirety of Terra during the event called Unification Wars. Then, He made contact with the Mechanicum of Mars and calling Himself the [[Omnissiah]], convinced them to build Him weapons and space-ships. Around this time, He also created a doctrine, the [[Imperial Truth]], which states that religion, faith, and superstition must be all banned, because they have never succeeded in unifying the human race during all of Emp's lifetime. Simply put: the whole "Peace, Love, and Religion" mumbo-jumbo has never worked and now must be eradicated.

===Great Crusade===
But, before He set out to conquer the stars with the newly-formed Imperial Army (which contained both [[Imperial Guard|ground forces]] and [[Imperial Navy|space-borne fleets]]), He decided to create the twenty [[Primarch]]s, using Himself as the genetic template, while splitting the additional power He ''stole'' from the Gods into 20 portions, infusing each piece with a fragment of His own personality, to allow them, in turn, to congeal and gestate (just like how daemons are born!) into the indomitable souls of His future Primarchs. Then, He bound each such vessel/soul to their godlike bodies/shells as they formed in their gestation capsules. Let this sink in: each primarch is basically a unique daemonic soul, bound to a super awesomely tough material body. Though with this power ''apparently'' stolen, The Big Four will inevitably and continually be pissed at Him for using their power for His own ends. So the Chaos Gods snatched the primarchs away (via time-travel-as-a-vision shenanigans, don't even try to explain it here, just read ''The First Heretic''), inside their incubator pods and all, from the secret lab underneath the Himalayas, to scatter them away across the galaxy. Luckily for the Emperor, some genetic code was left over from each primarch, so from that He created 20 Legions to serve as the elites of His army: The [[Space Marine|SPEHSS MEHREENS]]. So, with His armies and space-ships complete (minus the Primarchs, which He hoped to find), He embarked upon the [[Great Crusade]], to once again make humanity great again.

However, the Emperor himself states to Arkhan Land ''(the guy who discovered Land Speeders/Raiders)'' that he never considered the Primarchs to be his sons and saw them as well-crafted tools so he could get his work done. Likening himself to Geppetto ''(from 'Pinocchio')'' in that it is only natural for 20 wooden boys to think of their creator as "Father". Whether He felt any kinship between all of them or only some of them is not entirely known. But it seems like He was all like, "Yall think I'm a bad dad, but look, shit I just made these kids in a lab! I'm not really their dad!". Then again He puts on persona's for every occassion, who really knows when He's being genuine or not or how He feels.

As He found each Primarch, He assigned them command of their respective Legions and to act as His generals, warlords and pantheon of heroes that humanity were meant to emulate, in the quest to unify humanity in the Great Crusade ''(although, at some point, one of them was executed and the other disappeared, leaving only 18 Primarchs and Legions after 100 years of the Great Crusade).''

A military campaign of a grand scale, this is also when the SPESS MEHREENS were most awesome and at their peak. [[just as planned|Just when things seemed to be going well]], the [[Horus Heresy]] took place, where 8.5 of the Primarchs and their respective legions rebel against the Emprah. In the end, the Emperor fought and slew [[Horus]] (who was daddy's favorite) but at a great cost. The Emperor was mortally wounded to the point that He had to be put permanently on a life support system known as the [[Golden Throne]]. On that day, an untold amount of manly tears was shed.

==="Modern" Day===
Subsequently, 10 thousand years later, without the Emperor's leadership, the Imperium eventually degraded into the theocratic, [[grimdark]] empire we all know and love today, in the 41st millennium. In the 500th year of the 41st Millennium (the exact middle of the millennium), which is a few centuries before the Time of Ending began, visions and signs reach out to all walks of life and social status to the Imperium of the Emperor crying, whether it's to lowly denizens of an underhive having dreams about it, to respected sanctioned psykers reading it from the Imperial Tarot, to shamans on feral planets instinctively knowing that the extra rain pouring down lately are tears of sadness from their "sky god".

While interred on the Golden Throne, the Emperor's psychic-essence prevents [[daemon|daemon kind]] from directly assailing [[Terra]], while additionally sustaining the psychic-beacon known as the [[Astronomican]], that makes warp travel within 50,000 light years around Terra possible.

It is common knowledge, that the Emperor is the most powerful psyker alive, humbling even the [[Eldar]]. It is also suggested that He has guided humanity in a guise of people like Julius Caesar, [[Conan the Barbarian]], [[meme|Chuck Norris]], Christopher Lee and Jesus. It is uncertain as to whether or not His internment on the Golden Throne is a good thing. Some believe that if He were to die, the [[Imperium]] would be truly fall into darkness, whereas others believe that if allowed to finally die, He would reincarnate and return to unify the galaxy once more, stronger than ever. Whatever the truth, [[Games Workshop]] are probably never going to advance the story, so speculation has little worth. Unless you take Warhammer Fantasy as an example, where the time-line ended. Badly.

==The Emprah Himself==
[[File:Climax.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A typical father-and-son chat between Empy and Horus.]]
:''"The Emperor was a brilliant scientist, a powerful warrior, and great psyker, but he was a terrible [[Venus' Burn|father...]]"
:- [[Roboute Guilliman]], giving a short, yet accurate biography of the Emperor.

After He shaved his goatee, His chin radiated [[Astronomican|a brilliant light]] through the [[Warp]]. The [[Imperial Navy]] uses this light as a beacon to guide them through that beautifully terrible place. He is sometimes referred to as the Emprah, a joke derived from the voice acting in the ''[[Dawn of War]]'' game, ''[[Dawn of War: Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'', specifically [[Indrick Boreale]]'s final speeches.

The Emperor is said to be so powerful that He could [[C'tan|destroy suns with ease]], though He has never actually done so (he however, ''made'' a golden sun which he put in the middle of his broken Webway gate to prevent daemons from spilling through, albeit needing to concentrate on powering it for the next ten thousand years. This would indicate that the Emperor does indeed have the power to destroy stars.). The [[Chaos Gods]] are scared as fuck of the guy, calling him respectively "The Anathema", as in the polar opposite to [[Chaos]]. The [[Eldar]] fear that if the Emperor were to die, a new [[Eye of Terror]] would pop out with Terra at its center and possibly a new Chaos God would be born.

He was also capable of summoning what can only be called an army of human souls (including every soldier who had died for him, Ferrus Manus included) to fight for him; an ability utterly unseen in the 40k universe and suggesting that he has some fundamental connection to human souls in the afterlife - a comforting thought compared to dissolving into the Warp to be eaten by daemons and giving some credence to the 40k era theory that when the Time of Ending...ends..the Emperor and all loyal human souls will join in one final battle against Chaos.

After He was nearly killed by His son, He was placed upon the Golden Throne and hasn't moved for the past 10 millennia. Most of the fluff maintains that His existence on a day-to-day basis since then is a living hell (by comparison, the torture astropaths go through when becoming one, would be like a trip to the dentist). It's the mother/father/uncle/2nd Cousin of all mindfucks, so bad that even an Inquisitor would likely go insane as a result (or anybody else for that matter) and yet He carries on. Why? He may be the universe's most powerful vegetable, but that doesn't mean that He will just take a sit and die. Oh no, it's exactly the opposite. It gives Him a fuckton of work to do, and along with being THE lighthouse in the Warp, guiding the Imperial Navy, He also needs to make the aforementioned astropaths, as well as keeping all the [[daemon|nasties]] of the Warp where they're supposed to be (i.e. not invading realspace to make the lives of all living things miserable). He also does it for the good of humanity (sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?). In the last year of M41, tech-priests discovered that the Golden Throne is failing and the Emperor is dying. There is a chance of the Emperor returning to life, as well as the risk that He will die forever. If the latter would be the case, then everyone in the galaxy will become a Chaos sex toy/punching bag/plague vector/science experiment. Note that if the Emperor recovers, He'd be several hundred times more powerful. Emps was born of a group of psykers combining their might and souls in one ritual act. Maybe. Since then, Empy has probably gained about 365 gigafucktrillion souls since he got put on that Throne (see: leveling in Dark Souls), as he ''is'' the afterlife now, provided one excludes the veritable Hell that is the Warp. And all that stuff the Eldar get up to.

:''"He's been up to all sorts of things, our beloved father. Consorting with Xenos, resurrecting ancient technology. Don't believe that he is blameless in this...''
:- Magnus the Red

His desire to guide and protect humanity, in addition to His power, made the Emperor as close to a farseer as humanity was ever going to get. He declared humanity to be superior to all Xenos which was fair enough considering the collapse of the Eldar, planned to destroy every shard of religion by force of arms if needed in order to protect them from the whispers of Chaos (fantastic idea anyway), planned to reunite humanity under His rule no matter what anyone else wanted/thought of that (again by force of arms if needed), cared little for the Primarchs being His actual sons (thinking of them as generals and tools rather than biological offspring, and screwing over several of them in His efforts to recruit them / making them follow orders (hence causing some of their later betrayals)), carried out many unorthodox, morally questionable experiments and much much more... All because this was the only way He could foresee humanity surviving the threats to come. Also known as the "Golden Path". Any other action He ever partook in, no matter how unorthodox or morally questionable or just outright horrific was secondary to the one and only goal: survival. For a being that's lived millennia, having foreseen as much as is possible to do so whilst not being an actual god, His way was the only way lest we all face extinction. Those were the options with the context of the universe He found Himself in. Time was against Him, and expediency was the order of the day; secure the physical safety of Mankind in the galaxy then safeguard their minds and souls. Everything else was a tool to be utilized in pursuit of that single purpose. It didn't matter how the godlike princelings felt, or how they were raised; it only mattered that they performed their allocated tasks as swiftly and efficiently as possible so that He could move on to the next phase of His Great Work.

His reign eventually [[Inquisition|killed more humans]] (not even counting those who were innocent) than the entire total of humanity's dictators in history. Even during the Unification Wars, several Terran cultures were wiped out completely (Orioc on Antarctica, for example, was razed to the ground for being religious, just to make a point, even after its forces were defeated and its people ready to surrender), while simultaneously being pretty terrible at incorporating non-Terran elements. Because THAT is just how damn important and dire the circumstances were. An entire galaxy spanning empire needed to be constructed in little under two centuries when the cataclysm was foreseen to occur and ain't no one got time to fart arse about with treating people the way they deserve if the species won't survive.

Contrary to popular belief, he really did think the post-Ullanor phase through to some degree, Horus was the right choice as Warmaster for no other could command the respect of nearly all his brother better than Lupercal the First. And Dorn as Praetorian was as correct a decision as was possible to make considering that his talents were put to good use throughout the Heresy that followed. There was no need to put a Primarch in charge of the Council of Terra for the Primarchs were not made to rule, but to serve as generals in retaking the galaxy. Humanity was to be governed by humanity. Primarchs like say, Guilliman, though perfect as an administrator, was better suited and needed as a general for the Great Crusade. Honestly, it's bewildering that no one in the military saw the need for human administration. Having godlike Primarchs in charge at the top only serves to increase superstition in a secular galaxy when the idea was to rid humanity of religion and superstition in order to better protect it from warp predation.

To be fair, the whole reason humanity (and the Emperor) hates aliens is because during the Age of Strife numerous Xenos races exploited humanity's trust and either raided, lollygagged, looted or all of the above and were generally a nuisance the entire time. Then the Emperor comes along and decides that the best way to stop all that from happening again is to wipe out all Xenos that might even think to pose a threat to the fledgling Imperium. However, those few Xenos species that did not pose an immediate threat to humanity were usually made protectorates similar to the Tau government (unless they resisted, were in the way, possessed a planet, influenced human culture at all, or were intelligent at all, in which case [[Exterminatus|the results]] were predictable). Ever since His ascension, the Imperium forgot about the part where harmless aliens could be tolerated. But on the other hand, [[Orks|the]] [[Necron|most]] [[Tyranids|common]] [[Tau|xenos]] [[Dark Eldar|are]] [[Eldrad|dicks]] and aren't exactly willing to buddy up with the Imperium themselves. Plus, at least according to ''Horus Rising'', the idea of letting Xenos exist and then eventually grow stronger is wrong on every level to the Imperium (hence the whole mess with the Interex/Diasporex).

To be even more fair (and meta), the triumvirate of Horus Heresy authors tend to have their own interpretation of the Big E. Graham McNeill generally portrays Him as competent and benevolent (if flawed), Dan Abnett portrays Him as competent but bloodthirsty, while Aaron Dembski-Bowden portrays Him as a vicious, needlessly cruel imbecile (and even this is counterbalanced by his portrayal in Master of Mankind, where he's interestingly a mixture of all the previous portrayals at once - which is kinda of appropriate really). Chris Wraight, as far as he has portrayed Him, has done so through the eyes of Jaghatai Khan, showing Him as deeply flawed and distant from His own sons, but also countering that He was working towards goals even the Primarchs couldn't fully grasp. Even in Path of Heaven, where the Khan gets close to learning the secrets of the Webway project, he's shown to not have all the cards (the Emperor's knowledge that humanity is evolving into a psychic race, for example).

===His Goals===
*Lead and shape Mankind into a psychic race and surpass the Eldar by learning from their mistakes.
*Unite Humanity under one aegis and allow for instant communication and travel across all human inhabited worlds, thereby uniting the species in a way that it had never been before.

In order to achieve this He had to:
*Reclaim every single human inhabited world, spacecraft or station;
*Purge all humans that had deviated from the normal strain of humanity (because they would not evolve into the predicted psychic species and threatened the Plan with their deviancy);
*Remove alien influence or control from human worlds;
*Eliminate external Xenos threats throughout the galaxy that might challenge or become a threat to Mankind's supremacy.
*Shelter and protect Humanity from the fell hand of [[Chaos]].

To achieve those secondary goals He had to:
*Create [[Primarchs|superhuman generals]] to bestride the galaxy and lead men to innumerable victories;
*Create [[Space Marines|superhuman soldiers]] powerful enough to retake the galaxy beneath the banners of said generals from any enemy;
*Remove the influence of religion from the collective psyche of the human species in order to protect them from the insidious whispers of Chaos (often mistaken for something supernatural and hence a gateway to disaster).

So in the pursuit of those tertiary goals, the Emperor undertook the Great Crusade. Once it was over, all the Primarchs were to have their place Lorgar was to be the Emperor's Herald and shelter mankind from superstition through enlightenment so that if ever they heard whispers in the dark; they knew it was not natural and to be feared by it, thus denying its embrace. Magnus was to assist the Emperor in sitting on the Golden Throne of earth, thus powering the human Webway (somehow), becoming a key figure in Humanity's ascension. Horus was to protect Mankind from [[Tyranids|external]] [[Necrons|physical]] [[Orks|threats]] throughout the Galaxy as Humanity's general. Konrad was to be the enforcer of the Emperor's Laws. Mortarion, His watchguard of wayward deviancy etc.

But the Imperium was only one half of the Plan. The other was the Webway, allowing nigh-instantaneous travel and communication, limiting Mankind's reliance on the warp to almost nothing in the form of Warp travel and thus protecting them against the influence of Chaos. Therefore allowing Mankind to evolve in relative safety and security under the direct guidance and control of the Emperor. When Mankind would be ready, we'd be protected from the warp naturally. That was the final crowning achievement that would bring all the Emperor's plans to fruition and pull all the wayward goals into one singular perfect Great Work. All the sacrifice, all the death, all the heartache, the glory, the battles, the trials and tribulation, 48,000 years of history was culminating into that one Plan. And it all would've been worth it because Mankind would've been saved for all time. Worth any price, where the ends justified the means, or so he claimed.

And yet at the same time, it was this very same pragmatism that ultimately led to his downfall:

*Though his pragmatism made him a superb ruler in wartime, the ultra-militarized society He had [[First Founding|created]] was entirely dependent on war to function properly. Even if the Great Crusade had proceeded exactly as the Emperor expected, it would have run out of enemies eventually. And when you have a whole lot of newly unemployed soldiers with no other skills beyond killing on your hands...well, they tend to get rowdy.
*The Emperor's concern for humanity belied the fact that humanity was little more than an abstraction in his eyes, and one which could only exist if ''he'' was ruling it all. The fact that other human civilizations such as the Interex had already found ways to fight against Chaos on their own and were just as advanced as the Imperium (if not more so) meant very little to him (or at least, to his Plan). In his mind, he alone knew what was good for humanity and anything short of total submission to the Imperium was grounds for destruction. Any sign that his Plan might have been flawed was either explained away or destroyed outright, lest it seem like He might have made a mistake.
*He not only made a critical mistake in thinking the Chaos Gods were empowered by religious worship, but also failed to understand that trying to erase religion was actively counterproductive to his goals. Lacking the immortality and inhumanly grand perspective of the Emperor, it's a basic part of human nature to look for meaning and purpose in a cause greater than oneself, especially in the harsh and grimdark universe that was [[Age of Strife|Old Night]]. The Imperial Truth tried to do this, but apparently it failed to take into account that the Dark Age of Technology had shown that "reason", "logic", and "humanism" didn't work in the past either. The fact that the Imperial Cult took off so quickly after the Emperor's internment on the Golden Throne and is arguably the only thing keeping the Imperium a remotely unified entity is proof that the Emperor was once again too stubborn for his own good, or perhaps he was just too divorced from the "normal" human condition to understand the value of faith.
*For a guy who says he's trying to avoid the same mistakes the Eldar made, his obsession with human supremacy and the supposed "purity" of the human form (as defined by what, his own opinion?) are almost indistinguishable from the pre-Fall Eldar's certainty that they were the rightful rulers of the galaxy. Even if humanity did become a purely psychic race, nothing would stop it from making ''another'' Chaos God by accident.
**The only beings who knew how to create new parts of the Webway were the Old Ones, and they're all dead. At best, the Webway project would've delayed the inevitable before the fact that nobody can figure out how to keep it working became obvious. And since the Warp already bleeds into the Webway at the best of times...well, the whole thing would've been rendered pointless.
*Most damningly of all, his total disregard for the possibility that the Primarchs might actually have their own thoughts and feelings ended up being one of the key reasons why so many of the Legions ended up falling to Chaos:
**Angron's case is self-explanatory; honestly, if it weren't for Emps sending him into battle so often he would have rebelled sooner. Sure, he couldn't just let one of his Primarchs get himself killed in a slave revolt, but you'd think he'd send down some of the War Hounds or something instead of warping him away and earning Angron's undying hatred.
**Even with the Webway fuckup (which itself could have been prevented had the Emperor not kept it a secret from the most important people in his plans) Magnus might have remained a loyalist if the Emperor had been more concerned with the news of Horus's betrayal and fall to Chaos than with Magnus breaking his edicts. Of course, Magnus being nigh-possessed by [[Tzeentch|that one cuttlefish]] at the time means no one could really blame the Emperor for maybe thinking Tzeentch was pulling something.
**Similarly to Angron, Mortarion always resented the Emperor for not letting him get to kill his adoptive father, and when the Emperor refused to give him an answer about the obvious piece of Warp-tech that was the Golden Throne he concluded that the Emperor was a hypocrite and the Imperial Truth was bullshit.
**Horus himself was only pushed to fall because the Chaos Gods played on his worries that he wasn't fit to be Warmaster combined with the unrealised, greater fear that the Emperor never cared for him as a person and that he and the other Primarchs would have no place in the Imperium after the Great Crusade's conclusion. You'd have thought the Emperor's most beloved son would at least have been shown the special rooms in the Imperial Palace the Emperor made specifically for the Primarchs to live in after the Great Crusade ended, or at least discussed what he had planned for them when they weren't needed as generals any longer.

==Worship of the Emperor==
[[File:646545.jpg|thumb|300px|What the Emperor looked like before Horus decided to [[Rip and tear|bitchslap]] Him. Notice the giant skull. How did that skull get so big? Is it a plastic faux-skull, or is it an alien skull? (What He doesn't want you to know is that The E is actually a midget, the armor is a mech and that that's a regular-sized skull) Anyway, back to the topic. You don't get to see the Emperor out of armor very often.]]
Humans worship the Emperor as the one true God. Now, the only reason the Imperium worships the Emperor is that after His fight with Horus and His internment into the Golden Throne, they pretty much forgot what the Emperor taught them when He preached the Imperial Truth. Ol' Empy did not actually tell anyone of the Chaos Gods, withholding the information even from the Primarchs in hopes of protecting them from corruption by hoping that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, this became part of why the Horus Heresy happened in the first place. Some saw that the Emperor [[Mortarion|lied to them by holding the truth hidden]], some did [[Magnus|not know how to handle the temptation]] the Gods conveyed, some did [[Fulgrim|not even know that they were manipulated]] all this time and by whom, some would [[Lorgar|try to seek out something to place their faith upon]], not realizing what would needed to be done to become chosen in the eyes of the Gods. Plus, it's pretty damn hard to fight against something if you don't know that it exists. The Horus Heresy novels also mentioned the [[Interex]], another atheist empire who understood that threat of Chaos, but treated that information secularly and scientifically: they told every citizen everything that was known about "Kaos", and thus resisted the taint altogether.

In the Emperor's long game, he knew that humanity was evolving into a psychic species with even more potential than the Eldar, and look what happened to them? E-money wanted mankind to be [[Star Trek|a utopia of science and reason]], by eliminating religion (and thus preventing the temptations of daemons), controlling psykers (and thus preventing random daemonic possessions), and eliminating warp travel by creating the Human Webway (and thus eliminating all human contact with Chaos when traveling through the Warp). He wanted to isolate humanity from the Chaos Gods, cause who gives a shit about the Ruinous Powers if they're stuck in the Warp with no way of getting out?

Regarding the religion angle: the Emperor very much realized that Chaos runs off emotion, all everyday emotion, and not ''just'' worship; the stronger the emotions, the stronger the Gods get. The problem with religion is that it allows too many avenues for Daemons to exploit: a whisper here and a miracle there, then you get people praying to them, then shortly afterwards you get a planet turned inside out. His plan was not to starve the chaos gods of sustenance and ultimately defeat them, he knew it was impossible, his plan was just to prevent them from touching humanity ever again.

However, He made a critical mistake in disregarding the human need to believe in something greater than oneself, and despite His best efforts, nothing was enough to fill the place of religion in human society. Ironically, the best solution would be not to suppress faith but to redirect it towards something else, but because of his natural awesomeness, unmatched psychic powers and enigmatic nature, that "something else" ended up being the Emperor himself. After He went off being the most powerful psychic cucumber in the universe, and lost direct control of the Imperium, belief in Him sort of helped the Imperium stand together against all odds, even if it basically dropped 99.9% of humanity's IQ in the process. With the Warp being what it is, the act of worshiping the Emperor supercharged His power in the Immaterium to the point of being truly godlike, even while His body is still stuck in it's current physical state of near-death. The Imperium's faith in the Emperor is basically their biggest anchor of bravery and perseverance in a universe where humanity is constantly beset by:

*[[Tyranids|Unimaginably massive swarms of voracious space locust who exist only to feed and multiply it's biomass]]...
*[[Necron|Older-than-Chaos-itself zombie-terminator robots set on culling all life from the galaxy]]...
*[[C'Tan|Diabolical celestial beings literally as old as the stars, whose single desire is harvesting all living souls]]...
*[[Orks|A race of nigh-unkillable barbarians, genetically engineered to have pastimes, ambitions, job skills, and dreams only be about rip and tear]]...
*[[Tau|Technologically superior space communists wanting to assimilate everyone in their quasi heirarchical-Communist empire and who take after Billy Mays]]...
*[[Eldar|Snooty and uncaring space elves that can read minds and who eat, sleep, and to have Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position in planet-sized battle cruisers]]...
*[[Dark Eldar|Psychotic, hedonistic space elves who routinely torture others to the point of death for sheer amusement before grinding their remains into refined cocaine]]...
*[[Chaos|Fanatical zealots that knowingly devote themselves to all that is insane]]...
*[[Daemon|Nightmare horrors made real who will rape and eat, usually simultaneously, any sentient being they get their goat-hooves on]]...
*[[Chaos Space Marines|Deformed, demented traitors clad in power armor and aided by the evilest forms of weaponry and sorcery ever conceived]]...
*[[Rak'gol|Homicidal alien, lizard, insect, cyborg type monster-pirates that horribly kill you for fun]]...
*[[Slaugth|Giant Swarms of Worms in cloaks who might be older than The Old Ones who are more sadistic that the Dark Eldar and More Manipulative than regular Eldar and Feed on Humans in the Most Disgusting and Painful way imaginable (Hint it Involves Maggots.)]]...
*[[Q'Orl|Massive insectoid hive mind filled to the brim with heavy firepower and has a slow but growing empire that is one of the largest in the galaxy, dwarfing the Tau several hundred times over and is seen as the next successor of galactic domination after humanities potential fall]]...
*[[Games Workshop|Malignant, omnipotent intelligence from beyond the cosmos, exerting all the power at their disposal to prevent any faction from breaking the stalemate or upsetting the dreadful status quo]]...
*[[Sly Marbo|And fuck knows who the guy in the cardboard box is]]...

Without their faith in the Emperor after His internment into the Golden Throne, the fragments of the Imperium would have fought against each other again like in the pre-Great Crusade days and subsequently devolved into what they were before the Emperor revealed Himself. So yes, much like IRL religion, it gives them hope and courage to fight on and survive in a universe that leaves the [[grimdark]] faucet running everyday and night.

It's worth noting that good ol' Empy wouldn't have had nearly as much of a problem with all this unwanted worship if He hadn't, just as a quick example, insisted on wearing horrifyingly ornate solid gold armour and a big glowy halo at all times. Or on carrying a flaming sword of righteousness. Or on building continent-sized monuments to His vanity. Or on decking all His personal troops and favored genetic experiments in as much bling as they could possibly carry. Or on being eleven fucking feet tall. If you look like space-Jesus and act like space-Jesus, people are going to take those observations to their extreme conclusions, like what Lorgar did when he wrote the ''Lectitio Divinitatus'', which can be summarized as "Ordinary men can't blow up suns and carry big glowy halos at all times, only a God can, therefore the Emprah is God." This is made even more relevant given that the fluff very strongly implies that the Emperor '''was''' Jesus.

That said, to Games Workshop's credit His being [[Ultramarines|buttfucked by His own hubris and disregard for the humanity He claimed to be guiding]] in this manner was probably [[Grimdark|intentional as a classic tale of Greek Tragedy]].

==The possible death of the Emperor==
[[File:Emperor of mankind flaming sword armor.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Badass and glorious.]]
With the Golden Throne being consistently worn out, and the Tech-priests too power-armor-on-head rebooted to do anything about it, it is certainly possible that the Emperor may die one day, which will obviously result in all of the Imperial worlds and factions to cry tears of disappointment and subsequently devolve into chaos (maybe even with a capital "C"). There are however, 3 possible outcomes of what can happen if the Emperor eventually dies:

===The new Eye of Terror===
Conventional wisdom and the [[Eldar]], says that in the event that the Emperor dies, a new Eye of Terror will be created with Terra at it's center, plunging Holy Terra and all nearby planets/systems(?) into the Warp. The current main rulebook says that all of reality will be plunged into the warp if the Emperor dies. Even the [[Ecclesiarchy]] agrees that if the Emperor were ever to die, humanity would be FUCKED at the barest minimum.

This is supported by the fact that the '''Golden Throne''' ''(itself a portal to the Webway)'' was broken by [[Magnus]], causing a warp tear to open on Terra, which the Emperor has had to spend every second for the last 10,000 years concentrating on to keep from getting any bigger (while the [[Adeptus Custodes]] have spent the same amount of time chopping up daemons that slip through the crack). They will not be able to stop a full daemonic invasion if the rift would open fully.

Additionally, a new Chaos God could be created (just like with the Eye of Terror and the Eldar), which will most certainly be a God of all the Grimdarkness in the galaxy, ensuring that it would eclipse all of the powers of the other Gods, as the Emperor would finally be the God of all. This is especially true, since nearly everything that is grimdark stems from Chaos and the entire WH40K setting is itself a massive pile of it... That or Malal would burst back into existence, which does have some possibility of happening, since Malal was/is the Chaos god of Atheism, which was the "truth"-part of the Emperor's "Imperial Truth" doctrine.

Some also fear that a fifth Chaos God's presence would just crush reality by merging the Materium (reality) and the Warp into a singular dimension. But that's unlikely, since the birth of the latest Chaos God, Slaanesh, did not destroy reality and he/she/it/xe was fueled by the near extinction of a race far more psychically powerful than humanity. On the other hand, Slaanesh was forced to battle Khorne and most of the Eldar Gods during it's first birth moments. That would not be the case if the 5th Chaos God would be born.

===Regeneration===
No, not the [[Doctor Who]] kind. The Horus Heresy novel 'Vulkan Lives', heavily implies that the Emperor is a [[Perpetual]], just like John Grammaticus, Vulkan, Oll Persson and [[Anval Thawn]], all of who were able to survive multiple deaths that completely obliterated their bodies in the process. So all He simply needs to do is for his current material body to die normally, and wait a couple of hours/days and He'd be reborn again (in the "get up off the ground and dust Himself off" sense (Though one has to wonder why the Emperor would have had Himself interred in the Golden Throne in the first place if He thought He'd heal. Probably to power the Astronomican?)). All of this is still speculation (duh). Vulkan, for instance, was driven mad by the torturous experiences he had endured thanks to Night Haunter, and they were child's play, compared to sitting in unthinkable agony, unable to move or speak for ten thousand years while feeling Himself rotting away. And don't you forget [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|that nose itch]]. However, a more commonly held belief is that He will get up, re-establish the [[Imperial Truth]], and [[Great Crusade|just be]] [[Commissar|a cool guy]].

In fact, a whole faction of the [[Inquisition]]: '''Thorianism''' exists to investigate this possibility; looking for possible signs that the Emperor's consciousness can be transferred elsewhere, allowing Him to walk among his children once more. (That said, they don't know about the existence of Perpetuals and would rather look for a new body to place the Emperor's soul into.)

Opponents to Thorianism generally see that encouraging this is a terrible idea, as having the Emperor rise in a physical form would only cause a schism in the Imperium, as many people would not believe it to be true, having been ruled and brainwashed by the Ecclesiarchy over thousands of years, which would lead to another major [[Horus Heresy|civil war]].

But think about it: when Malcador took up the Throne so that the Emperor could fight Horus, the device consumed his vitality; and Malcador was not as blessed as the Emps with regen abilities to recover. Now imagine a weakened, crippled being, who's top priority immediately after killing His son is to stop the Webway gate from spilling forth. You don't have time (and nor does the galaxy) to recover from your wounds. So you sit upon the Throne and it consumes you slowly from that point onwards. The chair is stopping any sort of healing factor.

===The Star Child===
Although years of GW-marketing and [[retcon|fluff "upgrades"]] have made the third claim rather dubious, many fa/tg/uys and optimists still hold out on the theory stating that when the Emperor screwed Horus's soul to the wall, part of the Emperor's soul was also cast into the Warp. This Soul Fragment is called the Star Child, a god waiting to be reborn, or perhaps be reincarnated back into a human body (anyone call for one scout Mkvenner). If the remains of the Emperor were ever to die, the tiny spark of soul left in his body would re-unite with the greater whole within the Warp, and according to [[fluff|prophecy]], for the four Chaos Gods into stalemate, while the races of the galaxy would be left to battle it out in one last great Ragnarök scenario (called the End Times).

This theory is tied closely to the Illuminati, a group of either supremely enlightened individuals or dangerous mutant heretics (depending on which side of the [[Inquisition]] you're on). The Illuminati plan to catch all of the Sensei and sacrifice them upon the Golden Throne at the moment of Emperor's death.

In a bizarre fusion of new and old fluff, it has been revealed that the Illuminati were a minor Tzeentch cult and the Sensei were effectively brainwashed soon-to-be sacrifices in an attempt to bring Tzeentch to the materium. Needless to say, they have been purged by the Inquisition. The fluff in the Jac Draco books revealed that the Ordo Hydra (a small splinter faction of the Illuminati who seek to turn humanity into a psychic hive-mind) is a Tzeentch cult, but that the general Illuminati population - including many Ordo Malleus Inquisitors and the Exorcists [[Chapter]] (as well as their unknown successor chapters) are genuinely incorruptible by Chaos and are freely permitted to access the Black Library along with Harlequin Solitaires. The Inquisition Trilogy was retconned away.
It's just like that frustrating moment you experience when you don't know if the Squats have been nommed by Tyranids or have never existed in the first place.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Golden Throne-Imperial Webway.jpg|The Big E upon the Golden Throne (before the decay set in)
File:Emperor of Mankind Classic Portrait face.jpg|The guiding light in the Imperium of Man shines forever bright. He's also Arnold Schwarzenegger. Try unseeing that now.
Image:1220179589932.jpg|The Emperor protects man from all.
Image:Horus and the Emperor.jpg|Son, I am disappoint.
Image:Wh40k-emperor.jpg| Yearbook photo.
Image:When you ruin his groove by Lutherniel.jpg| His groove, do not ruin it.
File:Emperor_Decree.jpg| Emps laying down some rules, mid combat from the looks of it
File:Go Ahead Make My day Emperor.jpg|That is EXACTLY the same look that's on Batman's face when he's about to put the beatdown on someone!
File:Emperor of Mankind model action figure.jpg|He makes for one helluva action figure
Image:8.jpg|The Em-purr-or of all Catkind! Nyah!
Image:God-Emperor_Goldlich.jpg|Death is no excuse to stop bein' pimp.
File:God_Emperor_Interred_On_Golden_Throne.jpg|Thinking to himself, "I really, REALLY hate Horus!"
Image:The Immortal Emprah.jpg
Image:Emperor_miniature.jpg|Roll d6; stays on the field on seven or less
Image:emperor_old.jpg|A real man never dies, even when he's killed.
Image:emperor.png|Down but not out.
Image:Emperormini.jpg|In all His miniature glory
Image:Carrionlord.jpg|<strike>The Carrion Lord with his two left arms.</strike> {{BLAM}} how the fuck did that heretic get past the custodes?
File:Painting.jpg|This painting sold for $900, that lucky ca/tg/url...
Image:Emperor_model.jpg|Probably the best model of him yet
Image:slowemperor.jpg|Oh God-emperor, how did this get here? I am not good with computers.
Image:Emperor_Sagan.jpg|Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg| You all know you wanna see how this pans out!
Image:Emprasque3.jpg|How do you kill what can not die?
Image:Slavegirl Emperor.jpg|Emperor [[Rule 63]]! NO EXCEPTIONS!
Image:Femprah.jpg|Not actually the God-Emperor; besides it is Heresy to believe that The Immortal God Emperor looks like Cher.
Image:Femprah_by_Mr-Culexus.jpg|Oh, give it a fucking rest...
Image:GodEmpress.jpg|On second though... this one is... nice.
Image:Emperor_upon_his_other_throne.jpg|Yeah. We get it. The Emperor sits upon the Golden 'Throne'.
Image:1377291976783.jpg|Unbeknownst to many 40k fans, ol'Emps is fairly amicable when he meets an elf/eldar who isn't a complete failure.
Image:First_Founding_Problems.jpg|Perhaps with a better armor design, Emps might not have been late for [[Horus]]'s after school soccer games and things might have turned out differently.
File:Rainbow Emperor.gif| The Emperor in Rainbow Form
Image:Konya.jpg|The symbol of the town Konya in Turkey. In Central Anatolia. Emprah's birthplace. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Hittite eagle large.jpg|The symbol of ancient (1600BC) Hittite Empire from Anatolia, which, unknown to many, is Emperor's first try at conquering the world. CONNECTION, BITCHES!
Image:Emperor mao.jpg|In alternate universe 32-B, Mao Zedong rules the People's Republic of Mankind
Image:NotSureIfWant.jpg|The Emperor has just discovered [[Rule 34]].
Image:Emperuh.jpg|The Emprah is watching you Masturbate!
Image:Emperor blackwhite.jpg|He might be the most powerful psychic vegetable in the universe but the Custodes can't give him a decent hygiene program.
Image:1271118030729.jpg|Just imagine if the Chaos Gods didn't scatter the primarchs through out the galaxy... Wait where's that little scamp Omegon? (just off picture, sneaking up behind Guilliman)
File:Emperor of Mankind Contemplation.jpg|"Why IS IT that hot dogs come in packs of 8, and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? So people will have to buy 3 packs of hot dogs and 2 of hot dogs buns, hereby promoting imperial production of course!"
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* The [[Imperium]], for the empire he founded.
* [[Sigmar]] Unbroken, his [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] counterpart.
* [[Emperor's To-Do List]]
* [http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/ This thread] which makes the Emperor even cooler.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_2nM1GEllg/ A series on Youtube, it shows what would happen if the Emperor had a Text to Speech device.]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device]] article in 1d4chan.
* [[Heresy from the Emprah’s point of view]]
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Gods]]

The Last Church

2016-12-29T03:06:41Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

{{Awesome}}

[[File:The Last Church on Terra.jpg|200px|right|thumb|THE LAST CURIOUSLY DENOMINATIONAL CHURCH!]]
'''The Last Church''' by [[Graham McNeill]] is a short story describing the conversation between an old and lonely priest named Uriah Olathaire of the very last church on Terra (The Church of the Lightning Stone) during the Unification Wars (where the Emperor banned religion and the worship of gods) and a mysterious character named [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Revelation]], the story is pretty deep and thought provoking and shows you that you don't need '''XTREME GRIMDARK''' and violence to make a great 40k story (even though the story doesn't take place in the 41st millennium). As well as being the earliest complete story in the 40k canon, it deals with morals, religion, atheism and humility and the benefits and costs of each. And also, Uriah is probably running for 'most badass non-augmented human' in the setting at first place. What's better than [[Ollanius Pius| getting killed by Horus]]? Telling the Emperor, ''to his face'', why he sucks. It's ''even better'' if you go along with the whole "the Emperor was Jesus" thing, as that would mean that in telling the Emperor why he sucks, Uriah unknowingly [[Awesome|flipped off the very deity he dedicated his life to]].

Without further ado, The Last Church....

==Plot Summary==
In the titular last church, the very last worshipper and priest on Earth, Uriah Olathaire, is visited by a mysterious figure. They talk about why the church is the last of its kind, and what happened to all of the faithful who once cherished it so much. This figure, "Revelation", argues about all of the harm that religious worship and organizations have inflicted on humanity throughout history, whilst the priest attempts to refute it. Finally, Revelation reveals himself as the Emperor of Mankind, and more specifically as the being who originally inspired the priest to believe in his religion. He then gives the priest a chance to recant his false beliefs and leave; the church will be destroyed, but he does not have to perish as well.

The priest refuses. Instead pointing out the Emperor's hypocrisy, in the various things he has done and is doing that make him absolutely no different to the crusaders and fanatics of the past. Despite this, the Emperor disregards Uriah's words and escorts him outside before his troops start destroying the church. As his church is destroyed, Uriah gives the Emperor one last warning about the folly of his plan before calmly walking back in to the church, preferring to die with it, and prays while he waits for death before he is crushed beneath the rubble.

The Emperor dismisses him as a lost cause and moves on. As the rain lifts, and the morning sun rises over the smouldering remains of the last church on terra; inside, a broken clock, prophesied to chime only when the world is at an end, begins to softly ring...

==Moral==

The moral of the story is a lot more complicated and relevant than most would think. The Emperor is a well-intentioned extremist fighting against four monstrously powerful daemonic gods and trying to starve them out by spreading the Imperial Truth. He made mistakes, yes, but his intentions were pure. ([[Tolkien|Ah, but good intentions matter not. Only good deeds]].) In this he had the stereotypical view of religion that some atheists have; that it is the cause of most of humanity's problems including much of the killing and/or all the wars in human history. The story is about why people really do what they do for their beliefs. The God-Emperor was prepared to do whatever it took for his beliefs because it appeared to him that he was undeniably correct, just like extremists. The moral is that any reason based on rejection is immoral reason.

He was also under the belief that it was faith in general that makes the Chaos Gods stronger and the Imperial Truth was an attempt to stop them, What the Emperor failed to understand was that the Chaos Gods were powered not only by faith, but by emotions. People going about their daily lives experiencing their normal emotions would still empower the Chaos Gods. It has been argued that if the Emperor had not destroyed the other religions and actually WARNED people about Chaos ([[Interex|like some other people]]), Chaos would have been less powerful because people would have directed their belief to those religions (such as the God-Emperor) or outright have nothing to do with it at all (which is still better than falling to it). [[FAIL|So, by abolishing religion (and purging the theistic ones) the Emperor HELPED the Chaos Gods (unintentionally)]]. As such the Emperor's own stupidity in this regard led to the [[Horus Heresy]], bringing about his own downfall. The Emperor may have been tens of thousands of years old, vastly intelligent and unbelievably powerful, but even he could not predict everything.

===Alternative view===

Makes you think though - The Emperor knew about the Chaos Gods (even if he didn't refer to them as such), since he talked to Horus about them, who then passed it on the Garviel Loken to soothe his mind (not strictly true- Horus and Loken only learned about Daemons- Loken is totally mystified when an Interex soldier explains the nature of Chaos/Kaos to him). The Emperor also might have had an inkling that it wasn't just belief that powered them, what with him being in such close contact with the Warp 24/7. This begs the question - was he, in fact, out-Just As Planning Tzeentch and, as Erebus' false(?) memories showed Horus, did he ALLOW the Primarchs to be taken, just so Lorgar would land on Colchis, be raised by Kor Phaeron, learn about Chaos, fall to Chaos, turn Horus, allow the Horus Heresy to happen, teleport to Horus' Battle-Barge, kill his son while being mortally wounded himself, and be installed on the Golden Throne just so the billions upon billions of humans would have someone to worship other than the Chaos Gods, as a God that can be seen, touched and interacted which is nowhere near as powerful as a God that must be believed in purely through faith. Probably the only hiccup that The Emperor didn't foresee was Magnus ripping through his psychic shields and wrecking the Golden Throne/Webway Gate, which could've been avoided if The Emperor had fucking told his sons what he was doing.

===Author's Opinion===
[http://graham-mcneill.com/ McNeill's website] has an explanation for his thought processes when writing the story as well as his opinion of it on [http://graham-mcneill.com/last-church/ its own page], but it's been copypasted here for convenience.

<blockquote>I came late to this anthology, as I was finishing a novel while the bulk of writers were thrashing away at their keyboards. So when it came time to start developing a story, I asked the editors to send me a one-line pitch for each of the other stories so I didn’t waste time replicating a story that had already been written. When I got them, they were mostly bolters blazing, chainswords hacking stories, which is great, but I felt needed balancing by one that had a more thoughtful pace, with less fighting. One of the aspects of the Heresy I’ve liked the most has been the dichotomy between a growing secular empire butting heads with humanity’s urge to worship things in the sky. I saw this story as a challenge to myself, the readers and to BL. Would I be able to write a story like this that was exciting and engaging? Would the readers buy into it or would they be bored without the action? Would BL publish a story like this? Turns out that it seems all three were answered with a resounding yes. There’s a lot of me in this story, though I’m certainly not preaching to anyone with it. It’s more like I wanted people to talk about the story, to ask themselves questions and look at things in a different light. Some folk have said that Uriah is a straw man, and that the arguments made on both sides of his and Revelation’s debate are simplistic. Part of me agrees with that, as I’m not a theologian (and, crucially, neither was Uriah. He was a drunken rake, called to be a priest by a personal experience. No years of training in a seminary for him…) and I wasn’t trying to write a treatise on religion or belief, but rather a story that got people talking and entertained them. It’s also the first time the Big E turns up in a Heresy story in any real form. He’s appeared a few times to deliver the odd line of dialogue, but this was the first time we’d seen him talk, interact and appear for any length of time (even though most of it is in another guise) so I needed to be careful. In the end, to really stir the pot, I wanted to end the story in a way that, while Uriah might have been wrong, he was the one you liked better and who came out with the apparent moral high ground. The Emperor was right, yet he came across as the arrogant, short-sighted tyrant – the very kind he rails against in the story. Now go back and read it again and see if you agree!</blockquote>

==Trivia==
*Isandula Verona's paintings depict 3 events of old earth (both factual and presumably fictional), one painting depicts "nude figures disporting in a magical garden", likely the Garden of Eden. The second is a painting of "a battle between a golden knight and a silver dragon", undoubtedly based of the battle between the Emperor and the Void Dragon. But the third painting is by far the strangest, it depicts a "wondrous being of light surrounded by a halo of golden machinery" (couldn't possibly be foreshadowing the Emperor on the Golden Throne) ... Also, there is the description of an "explosion of stars", possibly referring to the creation of the Eye of Terror.
**However, as it is a Catholic church (according to The Emperor at least) it's more likely that these scenes (along with many other undescribed panels) depicts scenes of Catholic mythos- Eden, St. George (-except this is not the first time the Emperor has been described fighting this Dragon. It's implied that He IS St. George) and resurrection/second coming of Jebus (machinery part may seem strange, but religious art has a strong tendency to be anachronistic- most of Renaissance art, for example, are more "XVI century Italians doing Bible's cos-play" than anything else). Explosion of stars could represent Genesis or Rapture. Big E is the centerpiece of 40K, but there is no need to stuff him in every single piece mentioned. Especially when it makes more sense not to. The paintings and church itself is foreshadow no doubt, but also look what examples The Emperor chooses to trash religion- crusades, witch-hunt, Inquisition, purge of Cathars- all these things done by the Catholic Church. The Last Church, building itself, is a physical manifestation of what the Imperium will become (and it makes sense as setting is '''strongly''' based on Christianity). Uriah represents the part of religion that is not killing the infidels, but love and turn other cheek etc. And the Grimdark part is, that The Emperor sees this- he does not consider Uriah to be enemy or bad in general and he admires Isandula's work. But he is ready to destroy all this to prevent the Crusades and the Inquisition, things that go to the top of the "Imperium of Man's most popular things" chart the same moment Emperor (almost) dies. And as he himself was more like Stalin than Jesus, new Church have all the zealous "burn the heretics" of old one, but none of its compassion or "turn the other cheek". Also The Emperor had political reasons to destroy religion (most likely they would've disapproved of the Emperor's brutal dictatorship/had more influence over people than he liked; making the Emperor part-Hitler in addition to part-Stalin), but they are touched very little in this story, so its not important.
*The church in question appears to be [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lindisfarne Lindisfarne]: perched on "a rocky promontory jutting from [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Britain an island] that was said to have [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_empire once ruled the world]". Uriah even references it being raided by [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lindisfarne#Vikings Scandi].
*Many of our currently existing countries and continents are mentioned in the story, however they are spelled and pronounced differently.
*The Mariana Canyon where the giant stone figures are carved in is most likely the remnants of the Mariana Trench, the deepest point of the Earth's present-day oceans -- given that this place is now exposed, you can grasp just how much the Earth has changed... For example, the oceans boiled away due to various factors. Some of the new land that became exposed became known as the "Panpacific".
*Given Uriah's knowledge of (and ability to travel to) other countries, and his reaction to the Emperor's plans to conquer the galaxy, it seems likely that the Age of Strife on Terra was less of a complete societal breakdown and more of a regression to the dark ages in which knowledge of the past remained largely intact but functionally useless. Ironic, considering the state of the Imperium ushered in to save humanity from that.
* The Emperor's theological quibbles with religion in the story are very sophomoric. Most of them are refuted in the writings of St. Augustine and Thomas Aquinas, two writers any Catholic priest is overwhelmingly familiar with, but Uriah's refutations of the Emperor are quite amateur as well. The reason for it is that Graham McNeill is likely not a philosopher or theologian, and so is probably unaware of the counter arguments a real Priest would realistically have used, and it makes for a better story anyway.
** That can be handwaved as "knowledge was lost", though it does still beg the question as to why The Emperor didn't use different arguments to refute religion. Though again, it could be handwaved away as Him believing wholeheartedly in his opinion as irrefutable fact (living for thousands of years probably turns anyone into a fanatically certain jackass) or knowing the priest would have no access to these texts (remember Hans Christian Andersen? Yeah, one person in the 40k universe does (barring Big E), and she's a perpetual who stole the book), turning the Emperor into a bigger douche than we thought at first by virtue of taking advantage of lost knowledge.
** Of course the other possibility is that he is unaware of these texts himself. All-knowing God-Emperor my ass.
** Or it could also mean that he was the People who wrote those sayings.
** This is directly addressed in the "author's opinion" section above. The author has no theological training, and neither does Uriah.
*Lastly, The Emperor's claim that "humanity will not be free until the last stone of the last church falls on the head of last priest" is a (mis)quote of [http://www.qotd.org/quotes/Denis.Diderot Denis Diderot]. He could have at least tried to be original.
** Or the Emperor was Denis Diderot.

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Dan Abnett

2016-12-29T02:48:45Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

<center>'''Dan Abnett is the most popular author of [[Games Workshop]] paper book publishing division, the [[Black Library]].'''</center>
<center>[[File:Dan-abnett.jpg|200px]]</center>

[[File:Awesomemarine.jpg|250px|thumb|right|Even his Spess Mahrines are godly (which they should be).]]

Series include [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|''Gaunt's Ghosts'']] (an amazing starter book for people getting into the 40k fluff), [[Gregor Eisenhorn|''Eisenhorn'']] (fantastic) and ''[[Ravenor]]'' (OMGAWESOME-ICRIEDBUKKETSBECAUSEIMANEMOTIONALLYUNSTABLEWOMAN). Also, he saved [[Ollanius Pius]] from [[Squat]] territory. He. Fucking. Saved. Ollanius. Motherfucking. Pius.

'''TL;DR:''' Dan Abnett is a godly writer who expresses ''[[Humanity Fuck Yeah]]!'' in the most epic way possible. Perhaps his only weakness is his marked preference for human vs human works. The number of his works that feature Xenos prominently can be counted with your hands. For those who are tired of Chaos, this can be a bad thing.

Dan is known for fun action writing and for occasional throwing off Warhammer [[fluff]] in favor of the rule of [[Awesome]], like Imperial Guardsmen weapon teams toting around Autocannons the size of a howitzer. And being able to fight anything the 40k Universe can throw at them, including killing tanks with tennis balls. Unlike a certain [[Matt Ward|molester of pen and paper]], this is not done flippantly, but mostly for the betterment of the work itself. He does occasionally do some stupid shit though, like letting Vulkan grow back a second fucking head in the space of about half a second...

Sufficed to say, his characters are very well developed, and are both distinctive ''and'' original. He is a versatile writer that can write a god-damn action scene better than any; the areas Dan describes sound achingly beautiful. Look... he's won tons of awards for his stuff, many believe he's the best Black Library have got, he's written around 20 books for them and each one is brilliant. His book ''Titanicus'' is currently the only book wherein the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] are shown in a competent light, interacting with normal humans realistically and aren't all evil kleptomaniacs. He even made his own ([[awesome]]) Space Marine chapter known as the IRON SNAKES, that comes off looking like the Ultramarines [[Reasonable Marines|if they were actually intelligent, adapted their battlestyle depending on the enemy (they do have a disdain for tanks though), and came across as likeable individuals AND godlike beings]].
His graphic novels include "Imperial Gothic", "Damnation Crusade", "Lone Wolves" and "Condemned By Fire".

Dan Abnett has also teamed up with another BL author [[Mike Lee]] to make the ''Malus Darkblade'' Warhammer Fantasy book series. Dan Abnett also wrote a book detailing an adventure of Matt Smiths incarnation of the Doctor for the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary collection, which is one of 11 books, 1 for each Doctor. Dan Abnett also wrote the script for the Ultramarines movie. It's a fair assumption that he only wrote for about 45 minutes work of the (90 minute) movie, as the action-scenes and dialogues are passable, but there's a whole lot of silent walks through the desert.

He, along with [[Sandy Mitchell]] and [[Graham McNeil]] make up the holy trinity of awesome 40k writers. Obviously, Dan takes the role of God. (<strike>WHAT DOES THAT MAKE [[Aaron_Dembski-Bowden|ADB]] THEN, VIRGIN MARY?</strike> They're the Chaos Gods of awesome 40k writers, obviously, with Abnett as Khorne, Mitchell as Nurgle, McNeil as Tzeench and ADB as Slaanesh. ''Obviously.'' Given ADB's love for World Eaters, this makes the comparison [[Just as planned|hilarious]].)

He also writes some pretty cool comics with his <strike>probably-best</strike> ex friend Andy Lanning. The two are known in [[/co/|comic reading circles]] as "D'n'A". Surprisingly, this list includes IDW's ongoing ''Transformers'' series. So maybe, just maybe there is a teeny tiny reason to fear a Transformers-Warhammer 40k crossover somewhere down the line.

It should be noted that his cosmic Marvel comics with probably-best friend Andy Lanning are not at all shit, and are in fact some of the greatest modern Marvel comics. ''The Thanos Imperative'' stands out amongst them, and is worth a read even if you have no familiarity with Cosmic Marvel or the Marvel Universe at all. D'n'A also wrote the reboot of ''Guardians of the Galaxy'', which now has a movie. He also helped write the script for the new Aliens Isolation game just so you know.

He also helped write a [[Judge Dredd]] comic called Insurrection, not sure on quality but the villains look like Necrons on the cover. It's military sci-fi with power armored Mega City 1 Spess Mehreens going Exterminatus-lite on what essentially amount to the heretics of that universe which he wrote based on the 2000AD people asking for a story "like the stuff you do for the other guys".

==Not to Say He's Perfect==
Abnett has written some fantastic sci-fi, true, but recently there have been a lot of grumblings on /tg/ about the changes he's made to the Horus Heresy fluff. A lot of fa/tg/uys feel that additions such as the Perpetuals, the Cabal, and Enuncia were shoehorned into 40k fluff and don't belong. The change of Ollanius Pius from a badass regular guardsman to an immortal Perpetual has received a mixed response, and a lot of people felt the addition of the Alpha Legion's subplot with the Cabal (You guys gotta' help Chaos to destroy Chaos or else the Emperor will become a god and by the way humanity has to go extinct too sorry guys) was retarded and poorly thought out. Also, Unremembered Empire is generally agreed to be a shit burrito, but much of that was the result of Abnett trying to tie together a long line of shit produced over the course of the Horus Heresy series.
The verdict? That's up to you. Abnett's still a kickass writer, but whether or not he's always made the best choices in 40k is up to debate.

[[Category:Writers]]
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Imperial]]
[[category:Black Library]]

Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt

2016-12-29T02:42:11Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:E0054288 475951a40f6f1.jpg||thumb|right|A better Hero of the Imperium]]The [[GRIMDARK]] Sharpe to [[Ciaphas_Cain|Cain's]] Flashman. Stars in the series of books written by the God-Like author [[Dan Abnett]] about the [[Tanith First (And Only)]] Regiment. Nobody knows why he shares his last name with a species of [[Tyranid]]. Perhaps he is so goddamn badass that he fought a Hormagaunt three seconds after he was born, tore it in half, and wore its head as a [[hat]]. This is a distinct possibility.

Perhaps one of the best characters in the 40k fluff because he acts like a decent person trying his hardest in the bleakest setting possible and not losing hold of his morals or conviction. Lesser authors in the Black Library wish they could make such a well rounded and kick ass character like Gaunt for their books.

==Origins of the [[Tanith First (And Only)]]==
After Tanith was selected by the Warmaster to create three new regiments, the planet was plunged into a party the likes of which none (save [[Slaanesh]]) had ever seen before. The massive party was noticed by a wandering Chaos Armada, whose ass was recently kicked. Angry, the Chaos Armada destroyed most of the planet. Ibram Gaunt then had to make a painful decision: he would take what forces were available and leave the planet, allowing the destruction of Tanith. His troops at first didn't understand why he did this, and resented him for it. Eventually, they forgave him (ok, no not really).

==='''Items of Significant Importance'''===

1. One of the Tanith Guardsmen named Rawne tries to kill Gaunt ''many'' times. The first time, Gaunt KO's his ass when there's a demo charge about to go off, and instead of leaving him there or *'''BLAM'''*ing his ass he risks his life to carry him out. (Also of note is the fact that later Rawne becomes the de facto second in command and takes over field command while Gaunt goes on a short vacation with the 'friendly' neighborhood torturers.)

2. Gaunt is one of the only men ever to achieve the rank of Colonel-Commissar giving him EPIC status. (However, his mentor was mentioned to be General-Commissar, making even more EPIC!)

3. To further elevate his awesomeness he found a STC that was INTACT but had to be destroyed because it was tainted by Chaos (Motherfuckers!). Everything was alright though, given it was heretical tech to begin with.

4. Gaunt's favorite weapon is a [[power weapon|power sword]] that CAN SLICE THROUGH ANYTHING!!!!!! Gaunt kills TANKS with IT!!!!!! and even cut down a Chaos Marine SINGLE HANDED !!!!(yeah it was a surprise attack but still) - The weapon is the heirloom sword of Heironymo Sondar, the original leader (or one of them) of Vervunhive, the sword is of antique design and probably hails from when the Emperor walked around. Therefore it deserves its AWESOME status. He also has an old bolt pistol that always seems to be running out of ammo, but it's ok because then he just switches to his POWERSWOARD!

5. Gaunt's trademark item is a Tanith Camo-cloak, which he made himself to better lead his regiment of Scottish Ninja Assassins, making him the only Commissar EVER capable of INFILTRATION. (Actually not only, since Lord Commissars in Codex: IG can also take stealthpants, but the only NAMED.)

6. He also loves to charge enemies firing double bolt pistols, and fight multiple Chaos Marines at once with nothing but his power sword. He can do this because Gaunt is almost as badass as [[Ciaphas Cain]] is (Cain having taken on the same with a chainsword and flashlightpistol, but he certainly hates the experiences like this).

7. Gaunt led a unit that killed a Giant Battleship-Pyramid-Tank that would've given most Titans a run for their money.

8. Before setting off to destroy said Giant Battleship-Pyramid-Tank, he TAPPED THAT! WITH A PRINCESS! HEEELLL YEEEAAA! (Knocked her up good too)(And is now tapping his sons bodyguard who got surgery to look like her - it's less creepy in context.)

9. When all the senior Vervunhive commanders were killed, Gaunt was the only ranking military officer left alive to coordinate the defense of an entire hive city under siege by Chaos forces on all sides. For many commanders, this task would be flaming-pants-on-head overwhelming, to say the least, but Gaunt just sighs and resigns himself to spend the rest of the day calling out orders; reorganizing thousands of demoralized soldiers and shattered armor over the vox, and effectively holding off AN ENTIRE CHAOS army. We get a glimpse of the strategist that Gaunt could be if Command ever gave him the time of day. After the battle, do Gaunt and Co. get medals of honor and gold statues? A day named after him? A fucking commemorative plaque?? No. '''Not A Single Fucking Medal Was Given That Day.''' Of course not they were doing their job, you don't get medal for that! Well at least in the Imperial Guard you don't (although the hivers literally build a statue to the Tanith men, the architect states the statue has nothing to do with Gaunt, whom he never even spoke to. He's also called the People's Hero. So you know). The Tanith are 'allowed' to absorb the remaining Vervunhivers to reinforce their dwindling ranks, and Gaunt's Ghost are again rushed off to yet another battlefield.

10. Gaunt has never had to BLAM his own troops. (Though he tried to on Aexe Cardinal, before his chief medical officer talked him down.) He has, on several different occasions, BLAMMED troops of other units. Do note, that even Cain had on occasion BLAMed his own soldiers (although for nothing less than outright treason).

11. <s>Two</s> THREE different Inquisitors have tried taking Gaunt on. One ended up MINDFUCKED and the other was kidnapped/recruited by the [[Eldar]]. And the last turned out to be a Chaos specialist of some kind.

12. Gaunt has carried more wounded [[Imperial Guard]] troops off the field of battle than a medivac [[Valkyrie]]. And he's a commissar. Enough said.

13. Gaunt and Co. were stranded on a Chaos held world for a sizable stretch of time. Gaunt and Co. return to the Imperium untainted. Apparently simply telling the insidious cancer of Chaos to FUCK OFF actually works... as long as you are Colonel Commissar IBRAM FUCKING GAUNT.

14. Gaunt and Co. are the favored regiment/and have acted as the honor guard of a reborn Living Saint. It's like fucking having an Angel as a best friend in real life!

15. Gaunt's eyes were seared off by cultists when he was captured once. The asswipe Battlegroup General who sent him and his men on the mission that lead to this felt so guilty that he paid the best techmagi to give Gaunt bionic eyes. Which look like regular eyes but now allow him to see into the infrared spectrum. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predator_%28alien%29 YES, he can stealth/infiltrate, he has a blade, and a hightech range weapon (bolt pistol)]. FUCK. YEAH.

16. Gaunt was an HQ choice in 4th edition, making his men Fearless (and thus not being the big, bad, executing type). His metal mini can still be found on the Games Workshop website (or Ebay), as well as a smattering of other characters from the Tanith 1st.

17. By taking all accounts in all the novels to be true, he has cut down enough chaos loving cultists to fill several armies several times over. Seriously the body count done by this man is insane. [[Kharn]] would buy him a drink and ask him to join his homies if he could.

== '''Books that include Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt (All by Dan Abnett)''' ==
'''The Founding'''

''First & Only, Ghostmaker, Necropolis''

'''The Saint'''

''Honour Guard, The Guns of Tanith, Straight Silver, Sabbat Martyr''

'''The Lost'''

''Traitor General, His Last Command, The Armour of Contempt

+Only in Death''

'''The Victory'''

''+Blood Pact, Salvation's Reach, Warmaster''

==Stats==
===Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt===
*'''HQ, 150 pts.'''
*WS 5 BS 5 S 3 T 3 W 3 I 4 A 3 Ld 10 Sv 5+
*'''Composition:''' 1 Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt
*'''Unit Type:''' Infantry (unique)
*'''Wargear:''' Flak Armour, Bolt Pistol, Sword of Heironymo Sondar (Paragon Blade; see Horus Heresy, Book 1: Betrayal), Camo Cloak, Frag Grenades, Krak Grenades
*'''Warlord Trait:''' Tactical Genius
*'''Special Rules:''' Aura of Discipline, Independent Character, Fearless, Stealth, Adamantium Will, Infiltrate, Acute Senses, Voice of Command, Senior Officer

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:M2360195_commissargaunt.jpg|Gaunt, in all his minuscule glory...
File:Vinny Commisar.jpg|Brother Vinny's Commissar, who just happens to be wielding a power sword, bolt pistol, and wearing a camo cloak but is so TOTALLY NOT COLONEL-COMMISSAR GAUNT.
</gallery>

{{IG-Characters}}
[[Category:Commissars]][[Category: Literature]]

Dan Abnett

2016-12-29T02:35:58Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

<center>'''Dan Abnett is the most popular author of [[Games Workshop]] paper book publishing division, the [[Black Library]].'''</center>
<center>[[File:Dan-abnett.jpg|200px]]</center>

[[File:Awesomemarine.jpg|250px|thumb|right|Even his Spess Mahrines are godly (which they should be).]]

Series include [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|''Gaunt's Ghosts'']] (an amazing starter book for people getting into the 40k fluff), [[Gregor Eisenhorn|''Eisenhorn'']] (fantastic) and ''[[Ravenor]]'' (OMGAWESOME-ICRIEDBUKKETSBECAUSEIMANEMOTIONALLYUNSTABLEWOMAN). Also, he saved [[Ollanius Pius]] from [[Squat]] territory. He. Fucking. Saved. Ollanius. Motherfucking. Pius.

'''TL;DR:''' Dan Abnett is a godly writer who expresses ''[[Humanity Fuck Yeah]]!'' in the most epic way possible. Perhaps his only weakness is his marked preference for human vs human works. The number of his works that feature Xenos prominently can be counted with your hands. For those who are tired of Chaos, this can be a bad thing.

Dan is known for fun action writing and for occasional throwing off Warhammer [[fluff]] in favor of the rule of [[Awesome]], like Imperial Guardsmen weapon teams toting around Autocannons the size of a howitzer. And being able to fight anything the 40k Universe can throw at them, including killing tanks with tennis balls. Unlike a certain [[Matt Ward|molester of pen and paper]], this is not done flippantly, but mostly for the betterment of the work itself. He does occasionally do some stupid shit though, like letting Vulkan grow back a second fucking head in the space of about half a second...

Sufficed to say, his characters are very well developed, and are both distinctive ''and'' original. He is a versatile writer that can write a god-damn action scene better than any; the areas Dan describes sound achingly beautiful. Look... he's won tons of awards for his stuff, many believe he's the best Black Library have got, he's written around 20 books for them and each one is brilliant. His book ''Titanicus'' is currently the only book wherein the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] are shown in a competent light, interacting with normal humans realistically and aren't all evil kleptomaniacs. He even made his own ([[awesome]]) Space Marine chapter known as the IRON SNAKES, that comes off looking like the Ultramarines [[Reasonable Marines|if they were actually intelligent, adapted their battlestyle depending on the enemy (they do have a disdain for tanks though), and came across as likeable individuals AND godlike beings]].
His graphic novels Imperial Gothic, Damnation Crusade, Lone Wolves and Condemned By Fire are pure sex.

Dan Abnett has also teamed up with another BL author [[Mike Lee]] to make the ''Malus Darkblade'' Warhammer Fantasy book series. Dan Abnett also wrote a book detailing an adventure of Matt Smiths incarnation of the Doctor for the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary collection, which is one of 11 books, 1 for each Doctor. Dan Abnett also wrote the script for the Ultramarines movie. It's a fair assumption that he only wrote for about 45 minutes work of the (90 minute) movie, as the actions scenes are excellent and the dialogue is solid, but there's a whole lot of silent walks through the desert.

He, along with [[Sandy Mitchell]] and [[Graham McNeil]] make up the holy trinity of awesome 40k writers. Obviously, Dan takes the role of God. (<strike>WHAT DOES THAT MAKE [[Aaron_Dembski-Bowden|ADB]] THEN, VIRGIN MARY?</strike> They're the Chaos Gods of awesome 40k writers, obviously, with Abnett as Khorne, Mitchell as Nurgle, McNeil as Tzeench and ADB as Slaanesh. ''Obviously.'' Given ADB's love for World Eaters, this makes the comparison [[Just as planned|hilarious]].)

He also writes some pretty cool comics with his <strike>probably-best</strike> ex friend Andy Lanning. The two are known in [[/co/|comic reading circles]] as "D'n'A". Surprisingly, this list includes IDW's ongoing ''Transformers'' series. So maybe, just maybe there is a teeny tiny hope of a Transformers-Warhammer 40k crossover somewhere down the line. Because we've all wanted to see Optimus Prime as a land raider.

It should be noted that his cosmic Marvel comics with probably-best friend Andy Lanning are not at all shit, and are in fact some of the greatest modern Marvel comics. ''The Thanos Imperative'' stands out amongst them, and is worth a read even if you have no familiarity with Cosmic Marvel or the Marvel Universe at all. Like, seriously, go get that shit right now. I'm not fucking kidding. It's what got me into comics. D'n'A also wrote the reboot of ''Guardians of the Galaxy'', which now has a movie. [[Awesome|Yes]]. He also helped write the script for the new Aliens Isolation game just so you know.

He also helped write a [[Judge Dredd]] comic called Insurrection, not sure on quality but the villains look like Necrons on the cover. [Judge Dredd, Transformers, WH 40K crosssover anyone?] - It's military sci-fi with power armored Mega City 1 Spess Mehreens going Exterminatus-lite on what essentially amount to the heretics of that universe which he wrote based on the 2000AD people asking for a story "like the stuff you do for the other guys" I'm surprised all of you bitches haven't read it.

==Not to Say He's Perfect==
Abnett has written some fantastic sci-fi, true, but recently there have been a lot of grumblings on /tg/ about the changes he's made to the Horus Heresy fluff. A lot of fa/tg/uys feel that additions such as the Perpetuals, the Cabal, and Enuncia were shoehorned into 40k fluff and don't belong. The change of Ollanius Pius from a badass regular guardsman to an immortal Perpetual has received a mixed response, and a lot of people felt the addition of the Alpha Legion's subplot with the Cabal (You guys gotta' help Chaos to destroy Chaos or else the Emperor will become a god and by the way humanity has to go extinct too sorry guys) was retarded and poorly thought out. Also, Unremembered Empire is generally agreed to be a shit burrito, but much of that was the result of Abnett trying to tie together a long line of shit produced over the course of the Horus Heresy series.
The verdict? That's up to you. Abnett's still a kickass writer, but whether or not he's always made the best choices in 40k is up to debate.

[[Category:Writers]]
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Imperial]]
[[category:Black Library]]

Ben Counter

2016-12-29T02:30:11Z

2A02:FE0:C100:3:34CB:4D9C:5570:DB1B:

[[File:Ben Counter.jpg|300px|thumb|right|From [[Jervis Johnson|Jervis]], to [[Kane|Ben]], to [[Matt Ward|Ward]]. (''I am his right, and I have a task for you'')]]

''Not to be confused with the device used for keeping track of Bens.''

'''Ben Counter''' is a novelist for the [[Black Library]] and winner of a [[Golden Demon]] award.

Some of his books are filled with [[fail]], other [[Awesome]]. Of particular note is his series of novels about the [[Grey Knights]].

According to regulars at his FLHS, he spends a disproportionate amount of time torturing himself for the fact he might be writing fluff violations he isn't aware of.

In fact, games get interrupted by sudden bouts of angst along the lines of "Wait a minute! You mean your forces can do <something I didn't know about and fluff for which I may have unwittingly transgressed in my book>?"

Those that would admit to using 1d4chan wonder if there might some award named after him, which would represent everything that Matt Ward does not. (The TG Award for Adequacy?)

(If anyone's reading this, maybe they can come up with something suitable; we'll run up a real physical trophy, present it to him out of gratitude, and we can thereafter award it to other people in the community who actually care about the game and the game world.) (How about a scale model of Big Ben with a working clock face so it can be used as a counter?)

It's worth noting that not only is his Grey Knights series FAR more definitive in how the Knights operate than the codex written by Ward, but he's also done a really fantastic job of making daemons sound genuinely horrifying to deal with. Also of note is his book ''Battle of the Abyss,'' the best things in it (and arguably the only good things in it) is the unbelievably poetic description of the Warp, it also pulls a Graham McNeill with its portrayal of the Ultramarines. Also includes probably the last in-canon good-guys the World Eaters and the one Thousand Son. <s>Wait, arent TS still the good guys?</s> {{BLAM|'''BLAM!'''}}

He's notable for having close to no understanding of thermodynamics, or basic physics at all. If you happen to be a geek, please, restrain yourself from reading his books, least you want to hurt your face with facepalms after reading time after time about ridiculous things, like a non-compressed liquid hydrogen burning in an oxygen atmosphere, or things getting instantly frozen in a vacuum of space.

There is a recurring theme present in his books about the sacrifices Mankind in general and the Space Marines in particular have to do in order to ensure the Imperium survives, this has been a source of many (wo)manly tears. Along with the above mentioned Grey Knights he has given an awesome vibe to chapters such as the [[Imperial Fists]], (his Lysander in particular is awesome) and the [[Astral Knights]] of World-Engine fame, we hope he may get more commissions from [[Black Library]] as, thermodynamic failures and chaos-worshiping eldar aside, he is quite competent at making somehow flawed yet gritty characters.

He is not [[Sandy Mitchell]].

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Writers]][[category:Black Library]]