http://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/api.php?action=feedcontributions&feedformat=atom&user=Pachinko+Man2d4chan - User contributions [en]2026-05-07T03:23:38ZUser contributionsMediaWiki 1.43.0http://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies&diff=1010662Approved Movies2026-04-22T00:57:06Z<p>Pachinko Man: </p>
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<div>== Action ==<br />
<br />
* '''Riddick series''': The trials and exploits of <s>Vin Diesel</s> Richard B. Riddick, fugitive, ex-merc and natural-born killer. Watch him slaughter his way across the galaxy through aliens, mercenaries and fanatics alike in the name of survival and what passes for a conscience. The writing leaves something to be desired but the action is solid and the visuals radiate the gonzoness of the best European sci-fi.<br />
* '''Batman Begins, The Dark Knight'''<br />
* '''Die Hard'''<br />
* '''Kill Bill'''<br />
* '''Lethal Weapon series'''<br />
* '''Predator'''<br />
* '''James Bond series'''<br />
* '''Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl'''<br />
* '''The Rocketeer'''<br />
* '''Aliens''': Origin point of all spess muhreens in modern science fiction that don't wear power armor. Trades the tense, claustrophobic atmosphere of the original for creature-feature action and more immediate scares. Mandatory viewing for any [[Dark Heresy]] or [[Only War]] game involving Genestealers.<br />
* '''Captain Blood'''<br />
* '''The Transporter'''<br />
* '''Mad Max series'''<br />
* '''Escape from New York'''<br />
* '''John Wick'''<br />
<br />
== Comedy ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Big Lebowski''': Farcical love letter to Raymond Chandler. Except instead of an intrepid PI our heroes are a shiftless slacker and his bowling group. Endlessly quotable, and important background for one [[Old Man Henderson]].<br />
*'''Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker:''' Not a series but a team of three directors known for some incredibly funny spoofs of: disaster flicks (''Airplane!''), spy movies (''Top Secret!'') and police procedurals (''The Naked Gun'') that pretty much defined the genre spoof format for the next 30 or so years, until less competent writers ran it into the ground. Known for casting "serious" actors like Robert Stack and Leslie Nielsen, who could deliver even the most absurd lines without a hint of irony.<br />
* '''Blazing Saddles''': Western spoof from the great Mel Brooks and a vulgar, anachronistic, fourth-wall-breaking riot. A corrupt attorney general needs a town removed so he can sell the land to a railroad company, so he has a black man appointed sheriff knowing the racist townsfolk will tear him and the town apart. Or so he thinks. Billed as "a 1974 story in 1874", this is probably the most times you will ever hear the word "nigger" outside of an imageboard and none of it feels gratuitous.<br />
* '''The Blues Brothers'''<br />
* '''Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II'''<br />
* '''Back to the Future series'''<br />
* '''Monty Python'''<br />
* '''Pulp Fiction'''<br />
* '''Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb''': Flash! Insane American general Jack D. Ripper has launched a nuclear strike against the Soviet Union! Can the bombers be recalled in time to prevent mutually assured destruction? No. No, they can't, and that's the point. Satire so brutal it counts as a nuclear strike by itself. And remember: Slim Pickens isn't acting, he really did talk and dress like that.<br />
* '''The Gamers trilogy'''<br />
* '''Snatch'''<br />
* '''Tropic Thunder'''<br />
* '''Spaceballs'''<br />
* '''Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure'''<br />
* '''Attack the Gas Station'''<br />
<br />
== Drama ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Godfather'''<br />
* '''Battles Without Honor and Humanity series'''<br />
* '''Gone with the Wind'''<br />
* '''Resevoir Dogs'''<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'''<br />
<br />
== Fantasy ==<br />
<br />
* '''Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja'''<br />
* '''Highlander'''<br />
* '''Clash of the Titans'''<br />
* '''The Beastmaster'''<br />
* '''Big Trouble in Little China'''<br />
* '''Hellboy'''<br />
* '''Fire and Ice'''<br />
* '''Wizards'''<br />
* '''How to Train Your Dragon'''<br />
* '''Jason and the Argonauts'''<br />
* '''Labyrinth'''<br />
* '''Atlantis: The Lost Empire'''<br />
* '''The Nightmare Before Christmas'''<br />
* '''The Princess Bride'''<br />
* '''The Black Cauldron'''<br />
<br />
== Horror ==<br />
<br />
* '''Alien'''<br />
* '''John Carpenter's The Thing'''<br />
* '''The Fly''': Why you don't fuck with teleporters: the movie. A masterclass in body horror, the ending will haunt your nightmares for years to come.<br />
* '''H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator'''<br />
* '''Evil Dead series'''<br />
* '''Psycho'''<br />
* '''Invasion of the Body Snatchers'''<br />
* '''Jaws'''<br />
* '''House'''<br />
* '''Event Horizon'''<br />
* '''Eraserhead'''<br />
* '''The Cabin in the Woods'''<br />
* '''The Crow'''<br />
* '''"Dead" series'''<br />
<br />
== War ==<br />
<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''All Quiet on the Western Front'''<br />
* '''The Bridge Over the River Kwai'''<br />
* '''Full Metal Jacket'''<br />
* '''Saving Private Ryan'''<br />
* '''Das Boot''': One of the most expensive films in the history of German cinema, a psuedo-autobiographical account of a German U-boat crew in 1941. Based on a historical fiction novel by a war journalist under the Third Reich with surviving crewmen as consultants, so it's as much about fighting boredom and the deep-seated turmoil within the Kriegsmarine as attacking the Allies. The uncut edition (intended to be televised in three parts) weighs in at five hours and is worth every minute.<br />
<br />
== Western ==<br />
<br />
* '''Dollars series:''' Seminal "trilogy" (connected only by cast and crew) directed by Sergio Leone. "A Fistful of Dollars" is an unauthorized remake of the Japanese classic ''Yojimbo'' (also approved) while "For a Few Dollars More" and "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" are stock adventure plots held together by outstanding soundtracks, cinematography and the acting skill of one Clint Eastwood. Mandatory viewing for any Western campaign that takes itself remotely seriously, or any campaign with a heavy focus on murderhoboing. Almost singlehandedly responsible for replacing the romantic image of the Old West enshrined by Hollywood with lawlessness, corruption and amoral antiheroes.<br />
* '''3:10 to Yuma'''<br />
* '''Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'''<br />
* '''True Grit'''<br />
* '''Tombstone'''<br />
* '''Rango'''<br />
* '''Django Unchained'''<br />
<br />
== Science Fiction ==<br />
<br />
* '''[[Star Wars]]''': Duh. Original trilogy only, and get the unauthorized 4K remasters from before Lucas fucked with it by Team Negative 1 if at all possible; prequels and ''Rogue One'' if you crave more, everything else is strictly if you hate yourself.<br />
* '''Planet of the Apes'''<br />
* '''Heavy Metal'''<br />
* '''RoboCop'''<br />
* '''The Terminator series'''<br />
* '''2001: A Space Odyssey'''<br />
* '''Black Magic M-66'''<br />
* '''Iron Sky'''<br />
* '''The Day the Earth Stood Still'''<br />
* '''Blade Runner'''<br />
* '''The Andromeda Strain'''<br />
* '''Dark Star'''<br />
* '''[[Judge Dredd]]'''<br />
* '''Men in Black'''<br />
* '''Ghost in the Shell'''<br />
* '''Pacific Rim'''<br />
* [[Starship Troopers|'''Starship Troopers''']]<br />
* '''Stargate'''<br />
* '''THX 1138'''<br />
* '''Time Cop'''<br />
* '''Titan AE'''<br />
* '''The Transformers: The Movie'''<br />
* '''Westworld'''<br />
<br />
== Pure Schlock ==<br />
<br />
* '''Blade series'''<br />
* '''Wild, Wild, West'''<br />
* '''The 25th Reich''': At one point in this independent strayan movie Nazi officer gets sodomized by a giant robot spider teleported in by a flying metal swastika. If that isn't enough to get you to tune in, I don't know what will.<br />
* '''Kung Fury'''<br />
* '''This Island Earth'''<br />
* '''Manos... the hands of fate?'''</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010614Touhou2026-04-21T02:09:45Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Characters */</p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
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{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
<br />
Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
<br />
For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
<br />
Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
<br />
We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
<br />
And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
<br />
Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
<br />
=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
<br />
"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a '''lot''' of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent 2hus follows.<br />
<br />
If you're already at least a little familiar with the franchise, you'll notice that the set of 2hus people actually care about are all concentrated towards the beginning of the Windows series; with a few notable exceptions the fandom's regard drops off sharply around ''Undefined Fantastic Object.'' The reason is as depressing as it is common: after quitting his job to work on Touhou full-time, getting married and starting a family [[Games Workshop|ZUN made a series of questionable decisions seemingly aimed at making more money]]. These include, but are not limited to: his memetically bad character art getting even lazier with each installment, authorizing an [[Arseplomancer|assplosion]] of commercial spinoff media so he could collect royalties, releasing past and present Touhou games on online stores when they had been the crown jewel of the doujin market for decades, [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia commenting on American politics], trying to monetize the western fandom with official English translations of various games and comics, and perhaps most heinously sending a DMCA takedown to Moriya Shrine, the largest English-language Touhou fansite. Combined with the sheer fatigue of making the same game over and over for more than twenty years and the Touhou fandom is stuck in a bubble of revisiting memes and characters from the same five-year period because nearly everything ZUN has come up with since just feels like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most newer content creators have moved on to other franchises at this point, most infamously gacha games. [[Warhammer 40,000|Does this sound familiar to you?]]<br />
<br />
*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is '''<s>THE CRIMSON SLASHER</s>''' <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her signature ability is floating, which sounds lame until you find out [[Lolwut|she can float away from reality]] making her totally invincible. This means that if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default, because like a bad DM she can just NOPE out of anything she doesn't want to deal with... assuming she remembers to use that power. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c This video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. Her other skills include [[Fist of the North Star|Musou Tensei]], killing everyone (including herself) with balls, and general main character privilege. This is all balanced by the fact that she's a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to sipping tea at the shrine. Also she's the living keystone for the barrier that holds Gensokyo up, so if she ever died for reals (without leaving a kid to be her successor) it's [[Exterminatus]] time for everyone. <br />
<br />
[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken brawl in Gensokyo]]<br />
<br />
*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an "ordinary" magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Able to keep up with gods and archdevils despite being 100% human]] because she does lots of shrooms. Talks and acts like a shounen protagonist, so about 10% of the fandom is convinced [[Rule 63|she's actually a man]] despite all evidence to the contrary.<br />
<br />
*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, but not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god; part of a youkai's power comes from what they embody and there are a ''lot'' of flowers in Gensokyo. [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
<br />
*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
<br />
*'''Cirno''' the ice fairy is <s>an intellectually-challenged child with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! Nobody knows how to pronounce her name. Associated with the number ⑨ (thought to be her average test score) and often grouped together with the other low-level idiots as "Team ⑨". Suddenly powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
<gallery><br />
Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives. Official material insists she's human but her real race, origin, and how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a fallen vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. Spinoff material confirms the Scarlet Devil Mansion is bigger on the inside because of her power, so we can add [[Doctor Who|Gallifreyan]] to the list too. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Notable for being the hero of the first commercial 2hu game made with no involvement from ZUN, Touhou Luna Nights. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
<br />
*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' is the head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Weeaboo Fightan Magic|Demigod-level tai chi master]], [[3e|which doesn't mean much in a series where problems are solved with magical dakka.]] Even in the fighting-game spinoffs she's usually underpowered. Her "name" come from the fact that her actual name is in Chinese, had no pronunciation guide in ''EoSD'', and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' is a 500+ year old vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first Windows game. Likes to play the classy noblewoman in cliche vampire fashion, until the facade inevitably breaks and she starts acting like a child. Actually responsible for the spell card system being created in the first place; she moved her entire fucking mansion through the barrier from somewhere in Europe, thought she could build an empire of blood and darkness and [[FATAL|was quickly informed that this is not a thing that you do in Gensokyo]]. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
<br />
*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked in a basement for 495 years due to being kind of crazy and not able to control her omgwtfhax levels of power. Likes to eat cute pastries that are all made of people. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]] and the power to reach out and destroy "eyes" in things to make them explode, but this isn't the win button you would think because of her lack of focus and it mostly just hurts like hell when used on other 2hus. [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/McRoll Rumored to be seeking a sponsorship deal with McDonald's.]<br />
<gallery><br />
FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is the gardener of the underworld, and the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Canonically afraid of ghost stories, even though she works for one. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on, and a member of the underpowered-melee-fighter club alongside Meiling.<br />
<br />
*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
<gallery><br />
Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist. Who and what she actually ''is'' is a secret that spans almost ZUN's entire body of work, so if you want to find out head over to Touhou Wiki and follow the breadcrumbs.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
<br />
*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a <s>high-tension Japanese goblin</s> former chief of the [[oni]], introduced in the fighting game spinoff ''Immaterial and Missing Power''. While oni women in Japanese media are usually big and busty, Suika's body is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU smooth and flat]. Her hobbies involve drinking and fighting, usually both at once. Knows lots of crazy oni magic but her unique power is to manipulate density, including compressing air into explosions, growing to kaiju size and turning into a mist form. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years; fanon says she drinks to dull the pain of being forgotten and replaced in human history by [[Wikipedia:ja:酒呑童子|some ugly giant]]. Despite this she's still got the closest thing to common sense going in Gensokyo. So drunk that just coming in contact with her mist form gives people a contact buzz and makes them partyhard.gif.<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
<br />
*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
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*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
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*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
<br />
*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is <s>a useless rabbit only good for sex appeal</s> a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. Even if you don't her boss fight is still a complete mindfuck. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her.<br />
*'''Tewi Inaba''' is a very, [[Wikipedia:White Hare of Inaba|very fucking old]] earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
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*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]]. She created the Hourai Elixir which caused so much suffering and [[butthurt]] in what can only be described as a woman moment, then threw away her life on the Moon to keep Kaguya company out of remorse in another woman moment. For some reason she's a much harder boss in ''Imperishable Night'' then the actual final boss, so the fans think Kaguya can't get anything done without [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gxkOp7R6jc E-rin's help.] Actually ''millions'' of years old because of how time (doesn't) work in the Lunar Capital and helped build the place with Lord Tsukuyomi. Deep lore and comments from ZUN hint at her true identity: [[Wikipedia:Omoikane|Omoikane]], god of wisdom and among the first beings to exist in Shinto mythology.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and bugged Eirin until she made the forbidden Hourai Elixir so she could drink it for the lulz. The elixir [[Perpetual|removes your soul from the flow of the universe, making you ageless and able to recover from literally anything]]. This is ''for keeps''; [[Grimdark|Kaguya and Mokou (below) will outlive every other 2hu, Gensokyo, the sun, and the universe itself, being awake and aware the entire time.]] For Lunarians (who like to pretend life and death don't exist) this was [[Extra Heresy|extra heresy]] so they banished her to Earth when they got bored of executing her, where she used her power to manipulate "eternity" to NEET for a couple thousand years while trolling various humans who wanted to tap dat. Has a Ph.D in cock and ball torture.<br />
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*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' is <s>an ordinary health nut who runs a yakitori stand</s> the "Figure of the Person of Hourai", an ancient noble girl whose family was ruined by Kaguya's shenanigans. So she stole the spare elixir [[Wikipedia:The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter|Kaguya gave to the Emperor of Japan]] out of spite and then drank it for the lulz. Now she's [[Vulkan|a fire-wielding immortal who looks out for the little guy]]. If you piss her off the only thing that can really stop her is killing her until she taps out from from the pain. Hates the shit out of Kaugya and they kill each other every damn day, but they're also the only people in the universe who can really understand each other. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N03WobKfdlY The fandom calls this phenomenon "killove"]. Wears the pants in Gensokyo. <br />
<gallery><br />
File:9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg|There's an artist in China called Mokoufag who has drawn over one thousand reaction images featuring Mokou. This is the only documented evidence that China has an Internet culture.<br />
File:Mokou vs Kaguya.png|You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals.<br />
</gallery><br />
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* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu, border patrol for Youkai Mountain and [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia the youkai of fake news]. Has covered wars. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Before 2hu mangos became a thing the no.1 source of supplemental material about the setting was a couple sourcebooks containing articles from her tabloid newspaper.<br />
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* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' is a <s>white wolf tengu</s> heckin awooo doggo who appears as a miniboss in ''Mountain of Faith''. Despite being less fluff relvant than older characters like Koakuma that don't even have real names, people latched onto her as the first dog/wolf girl in Touhou history so she has one of the highest fanon-to-canon ratios in the series.<br />
* '''Satori Komeiji''' is the spotlight character of ''Subterranean Animism''',''''' though she isn't the final boss''.'' In folklore a satori is a three-eyed monkey who reads your mind and then [[That Guy|blurts out anything you think, yes even that thing you sick fuck.]] This isn't a very popular party trick so she was forced to squat in the former Hell where she keeps the place in repair as a hobby. Even in the fandom she's not very popular; her sister gets more exposure and she's arguably a side character in her own spinoff manga. In her boss fight she copies spell cards seen in previous games.<br />
* '''Koishi Komeiji''' is Satori's sister. She couldn't handle the bants and tried to turn off her telepathy by closing her third eye, which accidentally turned off her ''mind'' as well. [[Sidereals|Most people can't remember her or even see her]], but she's effectively a philosophical zombie that operates purely on instinct. Known to wield '''BUT WHO WAS PHONE''' to devastating effect. Her and her sister are probably based on the famous self-portrait(s) [https://www.fridakahlo.org/the-two-fridas.jsp "The Two Fridas".]<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). To do her job properly she can see all the sins a person's committed in life. She uses this to lecture people like a [[Lawful Stupid]] [[paladin]] so she doesn't have to send them to Hell when they die. [[Derp|It doesn't work.]] Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer and commissioner of the fun police.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kawashiro''' is a kappa living in the river near Youkai Mountain. Unlike everyone else the kappa of Gensokyo know how technology works and can build gadgets like [[Metal Gear|optic camouflage]], robot arms and <s>giant death robots</s> giant inflatable tube men. [[Mekboy|They tend to have problems working together or on things that don't interest them, though.]] Usually a shopkeep of some kind in spinoffs. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Mm5zaO9W60 You get more than you pay for with Nitori.]<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]]. Literally started the plot of ''Scarlet Weather Rhapsody'' because [[Slaanesh|she was bored and wanted people to come beat her up]].<br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' is a hellcrow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Then Kanako tricked her into eating part of a dead sun god, which made her a walking fusion reactor for some reason. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever; when Kanako told her to "fulfill people's wishes" Okuu turned it into "become a [[Fist of the North Star]] reference, take over the world."<br />
*'''Rin "Orin" Kaenbyou''' is a [[necromancer]] hellcat who steals corpses to fuel the fires of hell that Okuu stoked. Really loves her job; it's said her wheelbarrow's carried the most corpses in history. She's only interested in dead people, though. Official spokescat for Dead Ningen Storage. <br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a tanuki GILF of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with the final boss of ''Ten Desires'', likes to play pranks on people for the lulz as is standard for tanuki. Lacking the mythological tanuki's massive scrotum she commands other tanuki to help with her pranks. Important character in the spinoff manga where her knowledge of the outside world is often abused for lols.<br />
*'''Sumireko Usami''' is a 2hu with an Instagram account. Whether this is [[fail]] or [[lulz]] is a matter of debate. /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
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*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
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* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
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<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
</gallery> <br />
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*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
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* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
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* <s>MANnosuke</s> '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
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ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010613Touhou2026-04-21T02:03:31Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Characters */</p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
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{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
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Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
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For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
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Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
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We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
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And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
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Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
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=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
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"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
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==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a '''lot''' of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent 2hus follows.<br />
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If you're already at least a little familiar with the franchise, you'll notice that the set of 2hus people actually care about are all concentrated towards the beginning of the Windows series; with a few notable exceptions the fandom's regard drops off sharply around ''Undefined Fantastic Object.'' The reason is as depressing as it is common: after quitting his job to work on Touhou full-time, getting married and starting a family [[Games Workshop|ZUN made a series of questionable decisions seemingly aimed at making more money]]. These include, but are not limited to: his memetically bad character art getting even lazier with each installment, authorizing an [[Arseplomancer|assplosion]] of commercial spinoff media so he could collect royalties, releasing past and present Touhou games on online stores when they had been the crown jewel of the doujin market for decades, [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia commenting on American politics], trying to monetize the western fandom with official English translations of various games and comics, and perhaps most heinously sending a DMCA takedown to Moriya Shrine, the largest English-language Touhou fansite. Combined with the sheer fatigue of making the same game over and over for more than twenty years and the Touhou fandom is stuck in a bubble of revisiting memes and characters from the same five-year period because nearly everything ZUN has come up with since just feels like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most newer content creators have moved on to other franchises at this point, most infamously gacha games. [[Warhammer 40,000|Does this sound familiar to you?]]<br />
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*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is '''<s>THE CRIMSON SLASHER</s>''' <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her signature ability is floating, which sounds lame until you find out [[Lolwut|she can float away from reality]] making her totally invincible. This means that if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default, because like a bad DM she can just NOPE out of anything she doesn't want to deal with... assuming she remembers to use that power. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c This video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. Her other skills include [[Fist of the North Star|Musou Tensei]], killing everyone (including herself) with balls, and general main character privilege. This is all balanced by the fact that she's a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to sipping tea at the shrine. Also she's the living keystone for the barrier that holds Gensokyo up, so if she ever died for reals (without leaving a kid to be her successor) it's [[Exterminatus]] time for everyone. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken brawl in Gensokyo]]<br />
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*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an "ordinary" magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Able to keep up with gods and archdevils despite being 100% human]] because she does lots of shrooms. Talks and acts like a shounen protagonist, so about 10% of the fandom is convinced [[Rule 63|she's actually a man]] despite all evidence to the contrary.<br />
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*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, but not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god; part of a youkai's power comes from what they embody and there are a ''lot'' of flowers in Gensokyo. [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
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*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
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*'''Cirno''' the ice fairy is <s>an intellectually-challenged child with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! Nobody knows how to pronounce her name. Associated with the number ⑨ (thought to be her average test score) and often grouped together with the other low-level idiots as "Team ⑨". Suddenly powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
<gallery><br />
Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives. Official material insists she's human but her real race, origin, and how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a fallen vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. Spinoff material confirms the Scarlet Devil Mansion is bigger on the inside because of her power, so we can add [[Doctor Who|Gallifreyan]] to the list too. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Notable for being the hero of the first commercial 2hu game made with no involvement from ZUN, Touhou Luna Nights. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
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*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' is the head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Weeaboo Fightan Magic|Demigod-level tai chi master]], [[3e|which doesn't mean much in a series where problems are solved with magical dakka.]] Even in the fighting-game spinoffs she's usually underpowered. Her "name" come from the fact that her actual name is in Chinese, had no pronunciation guide in ''EoSD'', and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' is a 500+ year old vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first Windows game. Likes to play the classy noblewoman in cliche vampire fashion, until the facade inevitably breaks and she starts acting like a child. Actually responsible for the spell card system being created in the first place; she moved her entire fucking mansion through the barrier from somewhere in Europe, thought she could build an empire of blood and darkness and [[FATAL|was quickly informed that this is not a thing that you do in Gensokyo]]. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
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*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked in a basement for 495 years due to being kind of crazy and not able to control her omgwtfhax levels of power. Likes to eat cute pastries that are all made of people. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]] and the power to reach out and destroy "eyes" in things to make them explode, but this isn't the win button you would think because of her lack of focus and it mostly just hurts like hell when used on other 2hus. [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/McRoll Rumored to be seeking a sponsorship deal with McDonald's.]<br />
<gallery><br />
FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is the gardener of the underworld, and the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Canonically afraid of ghost stories, even though she works for one. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on, and a member of the underpowered-melee-fighter club alongside Meiling.<br />
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*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
<gallery><br />
Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
<br />
*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a <s>high-tension Japanese goblin</s> former chief of the [[oni]], introduced in the fighting game spinoff ''Immaterial and Missing Power''. While oni women in Japanese media are usually big and busty, Suika's body is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU smooth and flat]. Her hobbies involve drinking and fighting, usually both at once. Knows lots of crazy oni magic but her unique power is to manipulate density, including compressing air into explosions, growing to kaiju size and turning into a mist form. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years; fanon says she drinks to dull the pain of being forgotten and replaced in human history by [[Wikipedia:ja:酒呑童子|some ugly giant]]. Despite this she's still got the closest thing to common sense going in Gensokyo. So drunk that just coming in contact with her mist form gives people a contact buzz and makes them partyhard.gif.<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
<br />
*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
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*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
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*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is <s>a useless rabbit only good for sex appeal</s> a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. Even if you don't her boss fight is still a complete mindfuck. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her.<br />
*'''Tewi Inaba''' is a very, [[Wikipedia:White Hare of Inaba|very fucking old]] earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
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*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]]. She created the Hourai Elixir which caused so much suffering and [[butthurt]] in what can only be described as a woman moment, then threw away her life on the Moon to keep Kaguya company out of remorse in another woman moment. For some reason she's a much harder boss in ''Imperishable Night'' then the actual final boss, so the fans think Kaguya can't get anything done without [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gxkOp7R6jc E-rin's help.] Actually ''millions'' of years old because of how time (doesn't) work in the Lunar Capital and helped build the place with Lord Tsukuyomi. Deep lore and comments from ZUN hint at her true identity: [[Wikipedia:Omoikane|Omoikane]], god of wisdom and among the first beings to exist in Shinto mythology.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and bugged Eirin until she made the forbidden Hourai Elixir so she could drink it for the lulz. The elixir [[Perpetual|removes your soul from the flow of the universe, making you ageless and able to recover from literally anything]]. This is ''for keeps''; [[Grimdark|Kaguya and Mokou (below) will outlive every other 2hu, Gensokyo, the sun, and the universe itself, being awake and aware the entire time.]] For Lunarians (who like to pretend life and death don't exist) this was [[Extra Heresy|extra heresy]] so they banished her to Earth when they got bored of executing her, where she used her power to manipulate "eternity" to NEET for a couple thousand years while trolling various humans who wanted to tap dat. Has a Ph.D in cock and ball torture.<br />
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*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' is <s>an ordinary health nut who runs a yakitori stand</s> the "Figure of the Person of Hourai", an ancient noble girl whose family was ruined by Kaguya's shenanigans. So she stole the spare elixir [[Wikipedia:The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter|Kaguya gave to the Emperor of Japan]] out of spite and then drank it for the lulz. Now she's [[Vulkan|a fire-wielding immortal who looks out for the little guy]]. If you piss her off the only thing that can really stop her is killing her until she taps out from from the pain. Hates the shit out of Kaugya and they kill each other every damn day, but they're also the only people in the universe who can really understand each other. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N03WobKfdlY The fandom calls this phenomenon "killove"]. Wears the pants in Gensokyo. <br />
<gallery><br />
File:9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg|There's an artist in China called Mokoufag who has drawn over one thousand reaction images featuring Mokou. This is the only documented evidence that China has an Internet culture.<br />
File:Mokou vs Kaguya.png|You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals.<br />
</gallery><br />
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* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu, border patrol for Youkai Mountain and [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia the youkai of fake news]. Has covered wars. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Before 2hu mangos became a thing the no.1 source of supplemental material about the setting was a couple sourcebooks containing articles from her tabloid newspaper.<br />
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* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
* '''Satori Komeiji''' is the spotlight character of ''Subterranean Animism''',''''' though she isn't the final boss''.'' In folklore a satori is a three-eyed monkey who reads your mind and then [[That Guy|blurts out anything you think, yes even that thing you sick fuck.]] This isn't a very popular party trick so she was forced to squat in the former Hell where she keeps the place in repair as a hobby. Even in the fandom she's not very popular; her sister gets more exposure and she's arguably a side character in her own spinoff manga. In her boss fight she copies spell cards seen in previous games.<br />
* '''Koishi Komeiji''' is Satori's sister. She couldn't handle the bants and tried to turn off her telepathy by closing her third eye, which accidentally turned off her ''mind'' as well. [[Sidereals|Most people can't remember her or even see her]], but she's effectively a philosophical zombie that operates purely on instinct. Known to wield '''BUT WHO WAS PHONE''' to devastating effect. Her and her sister are probably based on the famous self-portrait(s) [https://www.fridakahlo.org/the-two-fridas.jsp "The Two Fridas".]<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). To do her job properly she can see all the sins a person's committed in life. She uses this to lecture people like a [[Lawful Stupid]] [[paladin]] so she doesn't have to send them to Hell when they die. [[Derp|It doesn't work.]] Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer and commissioner of the fun police.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kawashiro''' is a kappa living in the river near Youkai Mountain. Unlike everyone else the kappa of Gensokyo know how technology works and can build gadgets like [[Metal Gear|optic camouflage]], robot arms and clockpunk robot statues. [[Mekboy|They tend to have problems working together or on things that don't interest them, though.]] Usually a shopkeep of some kind in spinoffs. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Mm5zaO9W60 You get more than you pay for with Nitori.]<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]]. Literally started the plot of ''Scarlet Weather Rhapsody'' because [[Slaanesh|she was bored and wanted people to come beat her up]].<br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' is a hellcrow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Then Kanako tricked her into eating part of a dead sun god, which made her a walking fusion reactor for some reason. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever; when Kanako told her to "fulfill people's wishes" Okuu turned it into "become a [[Fist of the North Star]] reference, take over the world."<br />
*'''Rin "Orin" Kaenbyou''' is a [[necromancer]] hellcat who steals corpses to fuel the fires of hell that Okuu stoked. Really loves her job; it's said her wheelbarrow's carried the most corpses in history. She's only interested in dead people, though. Official spokescat for Dead Ningen Storage. <br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a tanuki GILF of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with the final boss of ''Ten Desires'', likes to play pranks on people for the lulz as is standard for tanuki. Lacking the mythological tanuki's massive scrotum she commands other tanuki to help with her pranks. Important character in the spinoff manga where her knowledge of the outside world is often abused for lols.<br />
*'''Sumireko Usami''' is a 2hu with an Instagram account. Whether this is [[fail]] or [[lulz]] is a matter of debate. /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
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*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
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* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
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<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
</gallery> <br />
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*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
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* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
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* <s>MANnosuke</s> '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
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ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010609Touhou2026-04-21T00:41:00Z<p>Pachinko Man: </p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
<br />
{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
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Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
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For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
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==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
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Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
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We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
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And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
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Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
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=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
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"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
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==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a '''lot''' of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent 2hus follows.<br />
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If you're already at least a little familiar with the franchise, you'll notice that the set of 2hus people actually care about are all concentrated towards the beginning of the Windows series; with a few notable exceptions the fandom's regard drops off sharply around ''Undefined Fantastic Object.'' The reason is as depressing as it is common: after quitting his job to work on Touhou full-time, getting married and starting a family [[Games Workshop|ZUN made a series of questionable decisions seemingly aimed at making more money]]. These include, but are not limited to: his memetically bad character art getting even lazier with each installment, authorizing an [[Arseplomancer|assplosion]] of commercial spinoff media so he could collect royalties, releasing past and present Touhou games on online stores when they had been the crown jewel of the doujin market for decades, [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia commenting on American politics], trying to monetize the western fandom with official English translations of various games and comics, and perhaps most heinously sending a DMCA takedown to Moriya Shrine, the largest English-language Touhou fansite. Combined with the sheer fatigue of making the same game over and over for more than twenty years and the Touhou fandom is stuck in a bubble of revisiting memes and characters from the same five-year period because nearly everything ZUN has come up with since just feels like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most newer content creators have moved on to other franchises at this point, most infamously gacha games. [[Warhammer 40,000|Does this sound familiar to you?]]<br />
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*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is '''<s>THE CRIMSON SLASHER</s>''' <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her signature ability is floating, which sounds lame until you find out [[Lolwut|she can float away from reality]] making her totally invincible. This means that if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default, because like a bad DM she can just NOPE out of anything she doesn't want to deal with... assuming she remembers to use that power. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c This video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. Her other skills include [[Fist of the North Star|Musou Tensei]], killing everyone (including herself) with balls, and general main character privilege. This is all balanced by the fact that she's a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to sipping tea at the shrine. Also she's the living keystone for the barrier that holds Gensokyo up, so if she ever died for reals (without leaving a kid to be her successor) it's [[Exterminatus]] time for everyone. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken brawl in Gensokyo]]<br />
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*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an "ordinary" magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Able to keep up with gods and archdevils despite being 100% human]] because she does lots of shrooms. Talks and acts like a shounen protagonist, so about 10% of the fandom is convinced [[Rule 63|she's actually a man]] despite all evidence to the contrary.<br />
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*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, but not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god; part of a youkai's power comes from what they embody and there are a ''lot'' of flowers in Gensokyo. [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
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*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
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*'''Cirno''' the ice fairy is <s>an intellectually-challenged child with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! Nobody knows how to pronounce her name. Associated with the number ⑨ (thought to be her average test score) and often grouped together with the other low-level idiots as "Team ⑨". Suddenly powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
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Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
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*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives. Official material insists she's human but her real race, origin, and how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a fallen vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. Spinoff material confirms the Scarlet Devil Mansion is bigger on the inside because of her power, so we can add [[Doctor Who|Gallifreyan]] to the list too. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Notable for being the hero of the first commercial 2hu game made with no involvement from ZUN, Touhou Luna Nights. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
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*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' is the head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Weeaboo Fightan Magic|Demigod-level tai chi master]], [[3e|which doesn't mean much in a series where problems are solved with magical dakka.]] Even in the fighting-game spinoffs she's usually underpowered. Her "name" come from the fact that her actual name is in Chinese, had no pronunciation guide in ''EoSD'', and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' is a 500+ year old vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first Windows game. Likes to play the classy noblewoman in cliche vampire fashion, until the facade inevitably breaks and she starts acting like a child. Actually responsible for the spell card system being created in the first place; she moved her entire fucking mansion through the barrier from somewhere in Europe, thought she could build an empire of blood and darkness and [[FATAL|was quickly informed that this is not a thing that you do in Gensokyo]]. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
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*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked in a basement for 495 years due to being kind of crazy and not able to control her omgwtfhax levels of power. Likes to eat cute pastries that are all made of people. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]] and the power to reach out and destroy "eyes" in things to make them explode, but this isn't the win button you would think because of her lack of focus and it mostly just hurts like hell when used on other 2hus. [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/McRoll Rumored to be seeking a sponsorship deal with McDonald's.]<br />
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FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
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*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is the gardener of the underworld, and the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Canonically afraid of ghost stories, even though she works for one. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on, and a member of the underpowered-melee-fighter club alongside Meiling.<br />
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*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
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Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
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*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
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*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a <s>high-tension Japanese goblin</s> former chief of the [[oni]], introduced in the fighting game spinoff ''Immaterial and Missing Power''. While oni women in Japanese media are usually big and busty, Suika's body is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU smooth and flat]. Her hobbies involve drinking and fighting, usually both at once. Knows lots of crazy oni magic but her unique power is to manipulate density, including compressing air into explosions, growing to kaiju size and turning into a mist form. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years; fanon says she drinks to dull the pain of being forgotten and replaced in human history by [[Wikipedia:ja:酒呑童子|some ugly giant]]. Despite this she's still got the closest thing to common sense going in Gensokyo. So drunk that just coming in contact with her mist form gives people a contact buzz and makes them partyhard.gif.<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
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*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
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*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
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*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her.<br />
*'''Tewi Inaba''' is a very, [[Wikipedia:White Hare of Inaba|very fucking old]] earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim. <br />
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*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]]. She created the Hourai Elixir which caused so much suffering and [[butthurt]] in what can only be described as a woman moment, then threw away her life on the Moon to keep Kaguya company out of remorse in another woman moment. For some reason she's a much harder boss in ''Imperishable Night'' then the actual final boss, so the fans think Kaguya can't get anything done without [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gxkOp7R6jc E-rin's help.] Actually ''millions'' of years old because of how time (doesn't) work in the Lunar Capital and helped build the place with Lord Tsukuyomi. Deep lore and comments from ZUN hint at her true identity: [[Wikipedia:Omoikane|Omoikane]], god of wisdom and among the first beings to exist in Shinto mythology.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and bugged Eirin until she made the forbidden Hourai Elixir so she could drink it for the lulz. The elixir [[Perpetual|removes your soul from the flow of the universe, making you ageless and able to recover from literally anything]]. This is ''for keeps''; [[Grimdark|Kaguya and Mokou (below) will outlive every other 2hu, Gensokyo, the sun, and the universe itself, being awake and aware the entire time.]] For Lunarians (who like to pretend life and death don't exist) this was [[Extra Heresy|extra heresy]] so they banished her to Earth when they got bored of executing her, where she used her power to manipulate "eternity" to NEET for a couple thousand years while trolling various humans who wanted to tap dat. Has a Ph.D in cock and ball torture.<br />
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*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' is <s>an ordinary health nut who runs a yakitori stand</s> the "Figure of the Person of Hourai", an ancient noble girl whose family was ruined by Kaguya's shenanigans. So she stole the spare elixir [[Wikipedia:The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter|Kaguya gave to the Emperor of Japan]] out of spite and then drank it for the lulz. Now she's [[Vulkan|a fire-wielding immortal who looks out for the little guy]]. If you piss her off the only thing that can really stop her is killing her until she taps out from from the pain. Hates the shit out of Kaugya and they kill each other every damn day, but they're also the only people in the universe who can really understand each other. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N03WobKfdlY The fandom calls this phenomenon "killove"]. Wears the pants in Gensokyo. <br />
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9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
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* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu, border patrol for Youkai Mountain and [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia the youkai of fake news]. Has covered wars. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Before 2hu mangos became a thing the no.1 source of supplemental material about the setting was a couple sourcebooks containing articles from her tabloid newspaper.<br />
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* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
* '''Satori Komeiji''' is the spotlight character of ''Subterranean Animism''',''''' though she isn't the final boss''.'' In folklore a satori is a three-eyed monkey who reads your mind and then [[That Guy|blurts out anything you think, yes even that thing you sick fuck.]] This isn't a very popular party trick so she was forced to squat in the former Hell where she keeps the place in repair as a hobby. Even in the fandom she's not very popular; her sister gets more exposure and she's arguably a side character in her own spinoff manga. In her boss fight she copies spell cards seen in previous games.<br />
* '''Koishi Komeiji''' is Satori's sister. She couldn't handle the bants and tried to turn off her telepathy by closing her third eye, which accidentally turned off her ''mind'' as well. [[Sidereals|Most people can't remember her or even see her]], but she's effectively a philosophical zombie that operates purely on instinct. Known to wield '''BUT WHO WAS PHONE''' to devastating effect. Her and her sister are probably based on the famous self-portrait(s) [https://www.fridakahlo.org/the-two-fridas.jsp "The Two Fridas".]<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). To do her job properly she can see all the sins a person's committed in life. She uses this to lecture people like a [[Lawful Stupid]] [[paladin]] so she doesn't have to send them to Hell when they die. [[Derp|It doesn't work.]] Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer and commissioner of the fun police.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kawashiro''' is a kappa living in the river near Youkai Mountain. Unlike everyone else the kappa of Gensokyo know how technology works and can build gadgets like [[Metal Gear|optic camouflage]], robot arms and clockpunk robot statues. [[Mekboy|They tend to have problems working together or on things that don't interest them, though.]] Usually a shopkeep of some kind in spinoffs. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Mm5zaO9W60 You get more than you pay for with Nitori.]<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]]. Literally started the plot of ''Scarlet Weather Rhapsody'' because [[Slaanesh|she was bored and wanted people to come beat her up]].<br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
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*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
*'''Sumireko Usami''' is a 2hu with an Instagram account. Whether this is [[fail]] or [[lulz]] is a matter of debate. /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
<br />
* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
<br />
<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
</gallery> <br />
<br />
*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
<br />
* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
<br />
* <s>MANnosuke</s> '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
<br />
ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=User_talk:Pachinko_Man&diff=1010608User talk:Pachinko Man2026-04-21T00:08:16Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1010393 by 109.70.100.13 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>== Sharing PDF's ==<br />
* Where is the "sharethread"? --[[User:Sdhjk|Sdhjk]] ([[User talk:Sdhjk|talk]]) 12:23, 18 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
* If adding direct links to PDF's is wrong - then, adding links to folders with PDF's is correct? --[[User:Sdhjk|Sdhjk]] ([[User talk:Sdhjk|talk]]) 12:23, 18 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
** In other words: if i can't do [https://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=D20_Modern&diff=1003447&oldid=1003439 this], then can i add something like "[https://beta.the-eye.eu/public/Books/rpg.rem.uz/Dungeons%20&%20Dragons/ this]"? --[[User:Sdhjk|Sdhjk]] ([[User talk:Sdhjk|talk]]) 18:55, 18 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Let it go ==<br />
<br />
Why are you still trying? This wiki is dead. His owner, most likely, died. It is filled to the brim with bots. In a few months, the hosting service will shut it down because the bills have not been paid. What's the point of continuing to edit it? Just let it go. [[Special:Contributions/90.80.221.226|90.80.221.226]] 12:53, 16 September 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
:You got proof of that son? [[User:Pachinko Man|Pachinko Man]] ([[User talk:Pachinko Man|talk]]) 00:04, 3 October 2025 (UTC)<br />
::[[User:2d4fag|Here is the proof.]] Read the last line. And for the bots... Just look at the [[Special:RecentChanges|Recent Changes page...]] [[Special:Contributions/90.80.221.226|90.80.221.226]] 06:01, 3 October 2025 (UTC)<br />
::[https://2d4chan.org/wiki/Special:ListUsers?username=&group=sysop&wpsubmit=&wpFormIdentifier=mw-listusers-form&limit=50 He's the only admin], and [https://2d4chan.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2d4fag he was last seen doing actions on 3th May]. You think this isn't enough? --[[User:Sdhjk|Sdhjk]] ([[User talk:Sdhjk|talk]]) 16:30, 3 October 2025 (UTC)</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010178Touhou2026-04-12T03:33:02Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Characters */</p>
<hr />
<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
<br />
{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
<br />
Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
<br />
For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
<br />
Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
<br />
We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
<br />
And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
<br />
Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
<br />
=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
<br />
"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a '''lot''' of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent 2hus follows.<br />
<br />
If you're already at least a little familiar with the franchise, you'll notice that the set of 2hus people actually care about are all concentrated towards the beginning of the Windows series; with a few notable exceptions the fandom's regard drops off sharply around ''Undefined Fantastic Object.'' The reason is as depressing as it is common: after quitting his job to work on Touhou full-time, getting married and starting a family [[Games Workshop|ZUN made a series of questionable decisions seemingly aimed at making more money]]. These include, but are not limited to: his memetically bad character art getting even lazier with each installment, authorizing an [[Arseplomancer|assplosion]] of commercial spinoff media so he could collect royalties, releasing past and present Touhou games on online stores when they had been the crown jewel of the doujin market for decades, [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia commenting on American politics], trying to monetize the western fandom with official English translations of various games and comics, and perhaps most heinously sending a DMCA takedown to Moriya Shrine, the largest English-language Touhou fansite. Combined with the sheer fatigue of making the same game over and over for more than twenty years and the Touhou fandom is stuck in a bubble of revisiting memes and characters from the same five-year period because nearly everything ZUN has come up with since just feels like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most newer content creators have moved on to other franchises at this point, most infamously gacha games. [[Warhammer 40,000|Does this sound familiar to you?]]<br />
<br />
*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is '''<s>THE CRIMSON SLASHER</s>''' <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her signature ability is floating, which sounds lame until you find out [[Lolwut|she can float away from reality]] making her totally invincible. This means that if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default, because like a bad DM she can just NOPE out of anything she doesn't want to deal with... assuming she remembers to use that power. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c This video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. Her other skills include [[Fist of the North Star|Musou Tensei]], killing everyone (including herself) with balls, and general main character privilege. This is all balanced by the fact that she's a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to sipping tea at the shrine. Also she's the living keystone for the barrier that holds Gensokyo up, so if she ever died for reals (without leaving a kid to be her successor) it's [[Exterminatus]] time for everyone. <br />
<br />
[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken brawl in Gensokyo]]<br />
<br />
*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an "ordinary" magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Able to keep up with gods and archdevils despite being 100% human]] because she does lots of shrooms. Talks and acts like a shounen protagonist, so about 10% of the fandom is convinced [[Rule 63|she's actually a man]] despite all evidence to the contrary.<br />
<br />
*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, but not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god; part of a youkai's power comes from what they embody and there are a ''lot'' of flowers in Gensokyo. [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
<br />
*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
<br />
*'''Cirno''' the ice fairy is <s>an intellectually-challenged child with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! Nobody knows how to pronounce her name. Associated with the number ⑨ (thought to be her average test score) and often grouped together with the other low-level idiots as "Team ⑨". Suddenly powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
<gallery><br />
Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives. Official material insists she's human but her real race, origin, and how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a fallen vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. Spinoff material confirms the Scarlet Devil Mansion is bigger on the inside because of her power, so we can add [[Doctor Who|Gallifreyan]] to the list too. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Notable for being the hero of the first commercial 2hu game made with no involvement from ZUN, Touhou Luna Nights. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
<br />
*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' is the head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Weeaboo Fightan Magic|Demigod-level tai chi master]], [[3e|which doesn't mean much in a series where problems are solved with magical dakka.]] Even in the fighting-game spinoffs she's usually underpowered. Her "name" come from the fact that her actual name is in Chinese, had no pronunciation guide in ''EoSD'', and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
<br />
*'''Remilia Scarlet''' is a 500+ year old vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first Windows game. Likes to play the classy noblewoman in cliche vampire fashion, until the facade inevitably breaks and she starts acting like a child. Actually responsible for the spell card system being created in the first place; she moved her entire fucking mansion through the barrier from somewhere in Europe, thought she could build an empire of blood and darkness and [[FATAL|was quickly informed that this is not a thing that you do in Gensokyo]]. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
<br />
*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked in a basement for 495 years due to being kind of crazy and not able to control her omgwtfhax levels of power. Likes to eat cute pastries that are all made of people. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]] and the power to reach out and destroy "eyes" in things to make them explode, but this isn't the win button you would think because of her lack of focus and it mostly just hurts like hell when used on other 2hus. [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/McRoll Rumored to be seeking a sponsorship deal with McDonald's.]<br />
<gallery><br />
FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is the gardener of the underworld, and the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Canonically afraid of ghost stories, even though she works for one. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on, and a member of the underpowered-melee-fighter club alongside Meiling.<br />
<br />
*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
<gallery><br />
Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
<br />
*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a <s>high-tension Japanese goblin</s> former chief of the [[oni]], introduced in the fighting game spinoff ''Immaterial and Missing Power''. While oni women in Japanese media are usually big and busty, Suika's body is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU smooth and flat]. Her hobbies involve drinking and fighting, usually both at once. Knows lots of crazy oni magic but her unique power is to manipulate density, including compressing air into explosions, growing to kaiju size and turning into a mist form. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years; fanon says she drinks to dull the pain of being forgotten and replaced in human history by [[Wikipedia:ja:酒呑童子|some ugly giant]]. Despite this she's still got the closest thing to common sense going in Gensokyo. So drunk that just coming in contact with her mist form gives people a contact buzz and makes them partyhard.gif.<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
<br />
*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
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*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
<br />
*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
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*<br />
<br />
*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her.<br />
*'''Tewi Inaba''' is a very, [[Wikipedia:White Hare of Inaba|very fucking old]] earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim. <br />
<br />
<br />
*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]]. She created the Hourai Elixir which caused so much suffering and [[butthurt]] in what can only be described as a woman moment, then threw away her life on the Moon to keep Kaguya company out of remorse in another woman moment. For some reason she's a much harder boss in ''Imperishable Night'' then the actual final boss, so the fans think Kaguya can't get anything done without [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gxkOp7R6jc E-rin's help.] Actually ''millions'' of years old because of how time (doesn't) work in the Lunar Capital and helped build the place with Lord Tsukuyomi. Deep lore and comments from ZUN hint at her true identity: [[Wikipedia:Omoikane|Omoikane]], god of wisdom and among the first beings to exist in Shinto mythology.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and bugged Eirin until she made the forbidden Hourai Elixir so she could drink it for the lulz. The elixir [[Perpetual|removes your soul from the flow of the universe, making you ageless and able to recover from literally anything]]. This is ''for keeps''; [[Grimdark|Kaguya and Mokou (below) will outlive every other 2hu, Gensokyo, the sun, and the universe itself, being awake and aware the entire time.]] For Lunarians (who like to pretend life and death don't exist) this was [[Extra Heresy|extra heresy]] so they banished her to Earth when they got bored of executing her, where she used her power to manipulate "eternity" to NEET for a couple thousand years while trolling various humans who wanted to tap dat. Has a Ph.D in cock and ball torture.<br />
<br />
*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' is <s>an ordinary health nut who runs a yakitori stand</s> the "Figure of the Person of Hourai", an ancient noble girl whose family was ruined by Kaguya's shenanigans. So she stole the spare elixir [[Wikipedia:The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter|Kaguya gave to the Emperor of Japan]] out of spite and then drank it for the lulz. Now she's [[Vulkan|a fire-wielding immortal who looks out for the little guy]]. If you piss her off the only thing that can really stop her is killing her until she taps out from from the pain. Hates the shit out of Kaugya and they kill each other every damn day, but they're also the only people in the universe who can really understand each other. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N03WobKfdlY The fandom calls this phenomenon "killove"]. Wears the pants in Gensokyo. <br />
<gallery><br />
9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
</gallery><br />
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* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu, border patrol for Youkai Mountain and [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia the youkai of fake news]. Has covered wars. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Before 2hu mangos became a thing the no.1 source of supplemental material about the setting was a couple sourcebooks containing articles from her tabloid newspaper.<br />
<br />
* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
* '''Satori Komeiji''' is the spotlight character of ''Subterranean Animism''',''''' though she isn't the final boss''.'' In folklore a satori is a three-eyed monkey who reads your mind and then [[That Guy|blurts out anything you think, yes even that thing you sick fuck.]] This isn't a very popular party trick so she was forced to squat in the former Hell where she keeps the place in repair as a hobby. Even in the fandom she's not very popular; her sister gets more exposure and she's arguably a side character in her own spinoff manga. In her boss fight she copies spell cards seen in previous games.<br />
* '''Koishi Komeiji''' is Satori's sister. She couldn't handle the bants and tried to turn off her telepathy by closing her third eye, which accidentally turned off her ''mind'' as well. [[Sidereals|Most people can't remember her or even see her]], but she's effectively a philosophical zombie that operates purely on instinct. Known to wield '''BUT WHO WAS PHONE''' to devastating effect. Her and her sister are probably based on the famous self-portrait(s) [https://www.fridakahlo.org/the-two-fridas.jsp "The Two Fridas".]<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). To do her job properly she can see all the sins a person's committed in life. She uses this to lecture people like a [[Lawful Stupid]] [[paladin]] so she doesn't have to send them to Hell when they die. [[Derp|It doesn't work.]] Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer and commissioner of the fun police.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kappashiro''' youkai who likes to use her [[Adeptus Mechanicus|technological skills]] to get all kind of crazy gadgets, usually [[loot|by recycling items from the outside world]].<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]]. Literally started the plot of ''Scarlet Weather Rhapsody'' because [[Slaanesh|she was bored and wanted people to come beat her up]].<br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
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*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
*'''Sumireko Usami''' is a 2hu with an Instagram account. Whether this is [[fail]] or [[lulz]] is a matter of debate. /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
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*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
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* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
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<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
</gallery> <br />
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*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
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* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
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* <s>MANnosuke</s> '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
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ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20130821191322/http://wgs.no-ip.org/trpg.pdf Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010158Touhou2026-04-11T05:05:59Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Characters */</p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
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{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
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Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
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For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
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Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
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We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
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And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
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Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
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=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
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"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a '''lot''' of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent 2hus follows.<br />
<br />
If you're already at least a little familiar with the franchise, you'll notice that the set of 2hus people actually care about are all concentrated towards the beginning of the Windows series; with a few notable exceptions the fandom's regard drops off sharply around ''Undefined Fantastic Object.'' The reason is as depressing as it is common: after quitting his job to work on Touhou full-time, getting married and starting a family [[Games Workshop|ZUN made a series of questionable decisions seemingly aimed at making more money]]. These include, but are not limited to: his memetically bad character art getting even lazier with each installment, authorizing an [[Arseplomancer|assplosion]] of commercial spinoff media so he could collect royalties, releasing past and present Touhou games on online stores when they had been the crown jewel of the doujin market for decades, [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia commenting on American politics], trying to monetize the western fandom with official English translations of various games and comics, and perhaps most heinously sending a DMCA takedown to Moriya Shrine, the largest English-language Touhou fansite. Combined with the sheer fatigue of making the same game over and over for more than twenty years and the Touhou fandom is stuck in a bubble of revisiting memes and characters from the same five-year period because nearly everything ZUN has come up with since just feels like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most newer content creators have moved on to other franchises at this point, most infamously gacha games. [[Warhammer 40,000|Does this sound familiar to you?]]<br />
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*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is '''<s>THE CRIMSON SLASHER</s>''' <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her signature ability is floating, which sounds lame until you find out [[Lolwut|she can float away from reality]] making her totally invincible. This means that if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default, because like a bad DM she can just NOPE out of anything she doesn't want to deal with... assuming she remembers to use that power. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c This video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. Her other skills include [[Fist of the North Star|Musou Tensei]], killing everyone (including herself) with balls, and general main character privilege. This is all balanced by the fact that she's a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to sipping tea at the shrine. Also she's the living keystone for the barrier that holds Gensokyo up, so if she ever died for reals (without leaving a kid to be her successor) it's [[Exterminatus]] time for everyone. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken brawl in Gensokyo]]<br />
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*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an "ordinary" magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Able to keep up with gods and archdevils despite being 100% human]] because she does lots of shrooms. Talks and acts like a shounen protagonist, so about 10% of the fandom is convinced [[Rule 63|she's actually a man]] despite all evidence to the contrary.<br />
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*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, but not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god; part of a youkai's power comes from what they embody and there are a ''lot'' of flowers in Gensokyo. [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
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*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
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*'''Cirno''' the ice fairy is <s>an intellectually-challenged child with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! Nobody knows how to pronounce her name. Associated with the number ⑨ (thought to be her average test score) and often grouped together with the other low-level idiots as "Team ⑨". Suddenly powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
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Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
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*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives. Official material insists she's human but her real race, origin, and how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a fallen vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. Spinoff material confirms the Scarlet Devil Mansion is bigger on the inside because of her power, so we can add [[Doctor Who|Gallifreyan]] to the list too. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Notable for being the hero of the first commercial 2hu game made with no involvement from ZUN, Touhou Luna Nights. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
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*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' is the head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Weeaboo Fightan Magic|Demigod-level tai chi master]], [[3e|which doesn't mean much in a series where problems are solved with magical dakka.]] Even in the fighting-game spinoffs she's usually underpowered. Her "name" come from the fact that her actual name is in Chinese, had no pronunciation guide in ''EoSD'', and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' is a 500+ year old vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first Windows game. Likes to play the classy noblewoman in cliche vampire fashion, until the facade inevitably breaks and she starts acting like a child. Actually responsible for the spell card system being created in the first place; she moved her entire fucking mansion through the barrier from somewhere in Europe, thought she could build an empire of blood and darkness and [[FATAL|was quickly informed that this is not a thing that you do in Gensokyo]]. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
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*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked in a basement for 495 years due to being kind of crazy and not able to control her omgwtfhax levels of power. Likes to eat cute pastries that are all made of people. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]] and the power to reach out and destroy "eyes" in things to make them explode, but this isn't the win button you would think because of her lack of focus and it mostly just hurts like hell when used on other 2hus. [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/McRoll Rumored to be seeking a sponsorship deal with McDonald's.]<br />
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FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
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*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is the gardener of the underworld, and the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Canonically afraid of ghost stories, even though she works for one. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on, and a member of the underpowered-melee-fighter club alongside Meiling.<br />
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*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
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Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
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*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
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*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a <s>high-tension Japanese goblin</s> former chief of the [[oni]], introduced in the fighting game spinoff ''Immaterial and Missing Power''. While oni women in Japanese media are usually big and busty, Suika's body is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU smooth and flat]. Her hobbies involve drinking and fighting, usually both at once. Knows lots of crazy oni magic but her unique power is to manipulate density, including compressing air into explosions, growing to kaiju size and turning into a mist form. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years; fanon says she drinks to dull the pain of being forgotten and replaced in human history by [[Wikipedia:ja:酒呑童子|some ugly giant]]. Despite this she's still got the closest thing to common sense going in Gensokyo. So drunk that just coming in contact with her mist form gives people a contact buzz and makes them partyhard.gif.<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
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*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
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*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
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*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
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*'''Tewi Inaba''' is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her . <br />
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*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]], and Japanese dance crazes.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and drank a Hourai Exilir which made her immortal via locking her age for eternity, which is several magnitudes of impure to the Lunarian Society. With Eirin's help escaped to Earth, where she messed with and drove to suicide several hopeful suitors that tried to get into her pants, including Mokou's father. Gensokyo's resident neckbeard. Has a Ph.D in cock and ball torture.<br />
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*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' [[Neckbeard|A grumpy human-turned-immortal living alone in the woods]] with a [[Book of Grudges|long grudge]] against the moon princess Kaguya. Can [[Sisters of Battle|control]] [[Salamanders|fire]]. <br />
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9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
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* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu, border patrol for Youkai Mountain and [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia the youkai of fake news]. Has covered wars. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Before 2hu mangos became a thing the no.1 source of supplemental material about the setting was a couple sourcebooks containing articles from her tabloid newspaper.<br />
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* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
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*'''Komachi Onozuka''' is a local busty Grim Reaper/Charon equivalent. Lazy as fuck. Her official description of being "big, tall and huge" is usually taken as having canonically huge tits and ass. Her power is to "manipulate the distance between objects", useful for crossing infinite rivers or telefragging anything.<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). To do her job properly she can see all the sins a person's committed in life. She uses this to lecture people like a [[Lawful Stupid]] [[paladin]] so she doesn't have to send them to Hell when they die. [[Derp|It doesn't work.]] Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer and commissioner of the fun police.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kappashiro''' youkai who likes to use her [[Adeptus Mechanicus|technological skills]] to get all kind of crazy gadgets, usually [[loot|by recycling items from the outside world]].<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]].<br />
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*'''Parsee Mizuhashi''' is <s>a grumpy old troll, that lives under a bridge</s> the bridge princess "oni", she jealous at everyone and everything making her the biggest optimist on earth. Jealousy feeds her Choas style and it is said that Parsee-chan doesn't cry. May or may not be Yuugi's waifu(fanon). <br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
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*'''Byakuren Hijiri''' is the [[Mythology#Abrahamic_Mythology_.28Judaism.2C_Christianity.2C_Islam.29|Jesus]] of Gensokyo. She tried to obtain equal rights for youkai but was <s>crucified</s> sealed away for her transgressions. She has huge boobs. Since later games she has a [[lightsaber]] and a motorcycle which she uses to roll over her enemies (read Toyosatomimi no Miko), we wish the sororitas where this cool. Rumored to be acquainted with Shinki. Also an SJW.<br />
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*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
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*'''Seija Kijin''' is an amanojaku with the power to flip over stuff, from tables to perception to gravity, and she thinks opposite of what other people think. Basically, she is a contrarian [[That Guy]] or turbo-delinquent depending on how you feel about her.<br />
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Kijin Seija Rope.jpeg<br />
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*'''Sumireko Usami''' /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
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*'''Doremy Sweet''' a Baku, (self-proclaimed) ruler of the dream world. Eats anon's dreams (and savors every bite). Is also a Doom Sheep Mecha Pilot, Pillow Tycoon, and a theme park manager. <br />
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*'''Kishin Sagume''' is a moon bird, a single winged stork. She can reverse all except established facts with a word, every word. She's (eventually) proven to be the mastermind of Gensokyo's longest incident and almost led the relocation of the Lunar Capital in Gensokyo. May or may not be [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch]].<br />
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*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
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* '''Eternity Larva''' A butterfly fairy/incarnation of summer with an identity crisis. [[Mephet'ran|May or may not be a "dead" god biding her time]], and sworn enemy of Okina. Either way she's a contender to the title of "Strongest Fairy". <br />
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* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
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<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
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*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
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*'''Chang'e''' is a [[Old Ones|frog goddess]] imprisoned on the moon, [[Just As Planned|ironically her imprisonment is what kept her alive]]. Her hobbies include being subject to grudges and watching,she always is, she's watching you right now. [[1984|'''CHANG'E IS WATCHING.''']]<br />
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* <s>'''[[Emperor of Mankind|God Empress of Mudkind]]'''</s> '''Haniyasushin Keiki''' [[Emperor of Mankind|Clay god born from the decomposing remains of dead gods, summoned to the Beast World by human spirits <s>through ritual mass suicide</s>]]. [[Great Crusade|Ever since she has waged a war to liberate and unite the lost tribes of the spirit of man through battle with the Lords of the Beast World. To this effort she's been mass producing ceramic idols for soldiers, and gods to man them]]. Probably owns an STC. Fist fought a dragon once. <br />
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* '''Joutouguu Mayumi''' Marshall of Keiki's armies, a Bandai Marine to the mini idols which make up most of her soldiery. Has a [[Dark Eldar|Murder Dick Shooter]] for a weapon. <br />
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* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
Currently Oil Tycoons that got involved in a crisis involving WMDS in hell. <br />
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* '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
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ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
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==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
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==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20130821191322/http://wgs.no-ip.org/trpg.pdf Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010157Touhou2026-04-11T05:00:40Z<p>Pachinko Man: </p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
<br />
{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
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Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
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For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
<br />
Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
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We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
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And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
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Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
<br />
=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
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"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a '''lot''' of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent 2hus follows.<br />
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If you're already at least a little familiar with the franchise, you'll notice that the set of 2hus people actually care about are all concentrated towards the beginning of the Windows series; with a few notable exceptions the fandom's regard drops off sharply around ''Undefined Fantastic Object.'' The reason is as depressing as it is common: after quitting his job to work on Touhou full-time, getting married and starting a family [[Games Workshop|ZUN made a series of questionable decisions seemingly aimed at making more money]]. These include, but are not limited to: his memetically bad character art getting even lazier with each installment, authorizing an [[Arseplomancer|assplosion]] of commercial spinoff media so he could collect royalties, releasing past and present Touhou games on online stores when they had been the crown jewel of the doujin market for decades, [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia commenting on American politics], trying to monetize the western fandom with official English translations of various games and comics, and perhaps most heinously sending a DMCA takedown to Moriya Shrine, the largest English-language Touhou fansite. Combined with the sheer fatigue of making the same game over and over for more than twenty years and the Touhou fandom is stuck in a bubble of revisiting memes and characters from the same five-year period because nearly everything ZUN has come up with since just feels like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most newer content creators have moved on to other franchises at this point, most infamously gacha games. [[Warhammer 40,000|Does this sound familiar to you?]]<br />
<br />
*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is '''<s>THE CRIMSON SLASHER</s>''' <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her signature ability is floating, which sounds lame until you find out [[Lolwut|she can float away from reality]] making her totally invincible. This means that if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default, because like a bad DM she can just NOPE out of anything she doesn't want to deal with... assuming she remembers to use that power. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c This video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. Her other skills include [[Fist of the North Star|Musou Tensei]], killing everyone (including herself) with balls, and general main character privilege. This is all balanced by the fact that she's a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to sipping tea at the shrine. Also she's the living keystone for the barrier that holds Gensokyo up, so if she ever died for reals (without leaving a kid to be her successor) it's [[Exterminatus]] time for everyone. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken brawl in Gensokyo]]<br />
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*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an "ordinary" magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Able to keep up with gods and archdevils despite being 100% human]] because she does lots of shrooms. Talks and acts like a shounen protagonist, so about 10% of the fandom is convinced [[Rule 63|she's actually a man]] despite all evidence to the contrary.<br />
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*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, but not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god; part of a youkai's power comes from what they embody and there are a ''lot'' of flowers in Gensokyo. [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
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*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
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*'''Cirno''' the ice fairy is <s>an intellectually-challenged child with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! Nobody knows how to pronounce her name. Associated with the number ⑨ (thought to be her average test score) and often grouped together with the other low-level idiots as "Team ⑨". Suddenly powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
<gallery><br />
Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives. Official material insists she's human but her real race, origin, and how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a fallen vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. Spinoff material confirms the Scarlet Devil Mansion is bigger on the inside because of her power, so we can add [[Doctor Who|Gallifreyan]] to the list too. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Notable for being the hero of the first commercial 2hu game made with no involvement from ZUN, Touhou Luna Nights. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
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*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' is the head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Weeaboo Fightan Magic|Demigod-level tai chi master]], [[3e|which doesn't mean much in a series where problems are solved with magical dakka.]] Even in the fighting-game spinoffs she's usually underpowered. Her "name" come from the fact that her actual name is in Chinese, had no pronunciation guide in ''EoSD'', and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' is a 500+ year old vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first Windows game. Likes to play the classy noblewoman in cliche vampire fashion, until the facade inevitably breaks and she starts acting like a child. Actually responsible for the spell card system being created in the first place; she moved her entire fucking mansion through the barrier from somewhere in Europe, thought she could build an empire of blood and darkness and [[FATAL|was quickly informed that this is not a thing that you do in Gensokyo]]. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
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*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked in a basement for 495 years due to being kind of crazy and not able to control her omgwtfhax levels of power. Likes to eat cute pastries that are all made of people. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]] and the power to reach out and destroy "eyes" in things to make them explode, but this isn't the win button you would think because of her lack of focus and it mostly just hurts like hell when used on other 2hus. [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/McRoll Rumored to be seeking a sponsorship deal with McDonald's.]<br />
<gallery><br />
FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is the gardener of the underworld, and the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Canonically afraid of ghost stories, even though she works for one. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on, and a member of the underpowered-melee-fighter club alongside Meiling.<br />
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*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
<gallery><br />
Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
<br />
*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a <s>high-tension Japanese goblin</s> former chief of the [[oni]], introduced in the fighting game spinoff ''Immaterial and Missing Power''. While oni women in Japanese media are usually big and busty, Suika's body is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU smooth and flat]. Her hobbies involve drinking and fighting, usually both at once. Knows lots of crazy oni magic but her unique power is to manipulate density, including compressing air into explosions, growing to kaiju size and turning into a mist form. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years; fanon says she drinks to dull the pain of being forgotten and replaced in human history by [[Wikipedia:ja:酒呑童子|some ugly giant]]. Despite this she's still got the closest thing to common sense going in Gensokyo. So drunk that just coming in contact with her mist form gives people a contact buzz and makes them partyhard.gif.<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
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*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
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*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
<br />
*'''Tewi Inaba''' is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her . <br />
<br />
<br />
*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]], and Japanese dance crazes.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and drank a Hourai Exilir which made her immortal via locking her age for eternity, which is several magnitudes of impure to the Lunarian Society. With Eirin's help escaped to Earth, where she messed with and drove to suicide several hopeful suitors that tried to get into her pants, including Mokou's father. Gensokyo's resident neckbeard.<br />
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*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' [[Neckbeard|A grumpy human-turned-immortal living alone in the woods]] with a [[Book of Grudges|long grudge]] against the moon princess Kaguya. Can [[Sisters of Battle|control]] [[Salamanders|fire]]. <br />
<gallery><br />
9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
</gallery><br />
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* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu, border patrol for Youkai Mountain and [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia the youkai of fake news]. Has covered wars. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Before 2hu mangos became a thing the no.1 source of supplemental material about the setting was a couple sourcebooks containing articles from her tabloid newspaper.<br />
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* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
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*'''Komachi Onozuka''' is a local busty Grim Reaper/Charon equivalent. Lazy as fuck. Her official description of being "big, tall and huge" is usually taken as having canonically huge tits and ass. Her power is to "manipulate the distance between objects", useful for crossing infinite rivers or telefragging anything.<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). To do her job properly she can see all the sins a person's committed in life. She uses this to lecture people like a [[Lawful Stupid]] [[paladin]] so she doesn't have to send them to Hell when they die. [[Derp|It doesn't work.]] Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer and commissioner of the fun police.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kappashiro''' youkai who likes to use her [[Adeptus Mechanicus|technological skills]] to get all kind of crazy gadgets, usually [[loot|by recycling items from the outside world]].<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]].<br />
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*'''Parsee Mizuhashi''' is <s>a grumpy old troll, that lives under a bridge</s> the bridge princess "oni", she jealous at everyone and everything making her the biggest optimist on earth. Jealousy feeds her Choas style and it is said that Parsee-chan doesn't cry. May or may not be Yuugi's waifu(fanon). <br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
<br />
*'''Byakuren Hijiri''' is the [[Mythology#Abrahamic_Mythology_.28Judaism.2C_Christianity.2C_Islam.29|Jesus]] of Gensokyo. She tried to obtain equal rights for youkai but was <s>crucified</s> sealed away for her transgressions. She has huge boobs. Since later games she has a [[lightsaber]] and a motorcycle which she uses to roll over her enemies (read Toyosatomimi no Miko), we wish the sororitas where this cool. Rumored to be acquainted with Shinki. Also an SJW.<br />
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*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
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*'''Seija Kijin''' is an amanojaku with the power to flip over stuff, from tables to perception to gravity, and she thinks opposite of what other people think. Basically, she is a contrarian [[That Guy]] or turbo-delinquent depending on how you feel about her.<br />
<gallery><br />
Kijin Seija Rope.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Sumireko Usami''' /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
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*'''Doremy Sweet''' a Baku, (self-proclaimed) ruler of the dream world. Eats anon's dreams (and savors every bite). Is also a Doom Sheep Mecha Pilot, Pillow Tycoon, and a theme park manager. <br />
<br />
*'''Kishin Sagume''' is a moon bird, a single winged stork. She can reverse all except established facts with a word, every word. She's (eventually) proven to be the mastermind of Gensokyo's longest incident and almost led the relocation of the Lunar Capital in Gensokyo. May or may not be [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch]].<br />
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*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
<br />
* '''Eternity Larva''' A butterfly fairy/incarnation of summer with an identity crisis. [[Mephet'ran|May or may not be a "dead" god biding her time]], and sworn enemy of Okina. Either way she's a contender to the title of "Strongest Fairy". <br />
<br />
* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
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<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
</gallery> <br />
<br />
*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
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*'''Chang'e''' is a [[Old Ones|frog goddess]] imprisoned on the moon, [[Just As Planned|ironically her imprisonment is what kept her alive]]. Her hobbies include being subject to grudges and watching,she always is, she's watching you right now. [[1984|'''CHANG'E IS WATCHING.''']]<br />
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* <s>'''[[Emperor of Mankind|God Empress of Mudkind]]'''</s> '''Haniyasushin Keiki''' [[Emperor of Mankind|Clay god born from the decomposing remains of dead gods, summoned to the Beast World by human spirits <s>through ritual mass suicide</s>]]. [[Great Crusade|Ever since she has waged a war to liberate and unite the lost tribes of the spirit of man through battle with the Lords of the Beast World. To this effort she's been mass producing ceramic idols for soldiers, and gods to man them]]. Probably owns an STC. Fist fought a dragon once. <br />
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* '''Joutouguu Mayumi''' Marshall of Keiki's armies, a Bandai Marine to the mini idols which make up most of her soldiery. Has a [[Dark Eldar|Murder Dick Shooter]] for a weapon. <br />
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* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
Currently Oil Tycoons that got involved in a crisis involving WMDS in hell. <br />
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* '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
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ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20130821191322/http://wgs.no-ip.org/trpg.pdf Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010120Touhou2026-04-10T03:30:57Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Characters */</p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
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{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
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Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
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For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
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Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
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We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
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And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
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Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
<br />
=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
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"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a '''lot''' of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent 2hus follows.<br />
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If you're already at least a little familiar with the franchise, you'll notice that the set of 2hus people actually care about are all concentrated towards the beginning of the Windows series; with a few notable exceptions the fandom's regard drops off sharply around ''Undefined Fantastic Object.'' The reason is as depressing as it is common: after quitting his job to work on Touhou full-time, getting married and starting a family [[Games Workshop|ZUN made a series of questionable decisions seemingly aimed at making more money]]. These include, but are not limited to: his memetically bad character art getting even lazier with each installment, authorizing an [[Arseplomancer|assplosion]] of commercial spinoff media so he could collect royalties, releasing past and present Touhou games on online stores when they had been the crown jewel of the doujin market for decades, [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia commenting on American politics], trying to monetize the western fandom with official English translations of various games and comics, and perhaps most heinously sending a DMCA takedown to Moriya Shrine, the largest English-language Touhou fansite. Combined with the sheer fatigue of making the same game over and over for more than twenty years and the Touhou fandom is stuck in a bubble of revisiting memes and characters from the same five-year period because nearly everything ZUN has come up with since just feels like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most newer content creators have moved on to other franchises at this point, most infamously gacha games. [[Warhammer 40,000|Does this sound familiar to you?]]<br />
<br />
*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is '''<s>THE CRIMSON SLASHER</s>''' <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her signature ability is floating, which sounds lame until you find out [[Lolwut|she can float away from reality]] making her totally invincible. This means that if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default, because like a bad DM she can just NOPE out of anything she doesn't want to deal with... assuming she remembers to use that power. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c This video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. Her other skills include [[Fist of the North Star|Musou Tensei]], killing everyone (including herself) with balls, and general main character privilege. This is all balanced by the fact that she's a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to sipping tea at the shrine. Also she's the living keystone for the barrier that holds Gensokyo up, so if she ever died for reals (without leaving a kid to be her successor) it's [[Exterminatus]] time for everyone. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken brawl in Gensokyo]]<br />
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*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an "ordinary" magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Able to keep up with gods and archdevils despite being 100% human]] because she does lots of shrooms. Talks and acts like a shounen protagonist, so about 10% of the fandom is convinced [[Rule 63|she's actually a man]] despite all evidence to the contrary.<br />
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*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, but not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god; part of a youkai's power comes from what they embody and there are a ''lot'' of flowers in Gensokyo. [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
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*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
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*'''Cirno''' the ice fairy is <s>an intellectually-challenged child with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! Nobody knows how to pronounce her name. Associated with the number ⑨ (thought to be her average test score) and often grouped together with the other low-level idiots as "Team ⑨". Suddenly powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
<gallery><br />
Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives. Official material insists she's human but her real race, origin, and how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a fallen vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. Spinoff material confirms the Scarlet Devil Mansion is bigger on the inside because of her power, so we can add [[Doctor Who|Gallifreyan]] to the list too. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Notable for being the hero of the first commercial 2hu game made with no involvement from ZUN, Touhou Luna Nights. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
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*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' is the head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Weeaboo Fightan Magic|Demigod-level tai chi master]], [[3e|which doesn't mean much in a series where problems are solved with magical dakka.]] Even in the fighting-game spinoffs she's usually underpowered. Her "name" come from the fact that her actual name is in Chinese, had no pronunciation guide in ''EoSD'', and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' is a 500+ year old vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first Windows game. Likes to play the classy noblewoman in cliche vampire fashion, until the facade inevitably breaks and she starts acting like a child. Actually responsible for the spell card system being created in the first place; she moved her entire fucking mansion through the barrier from somewhere in Europe, thought she could build an empire of blood and darkness and [[FATAL|was quickly informed that this is not a thing that you do in Gensokyo]]. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
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*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked in a basement for 495 years due to being kind of crazy and not able to control her omgwtfhax levels of power. Likes to eat cute pastries that are all made of people. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]] and the power to reach out and destroy "eyes" in things to make them explode, but this isn't the win button you would think because of her lack of focus and it mostly just hurts like hell when used on other 2hus. [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/McRoll Rumored to be seeking a sponsorship deal with McDonald's.]<br />
<gallery><br />
FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is the gardener of the underworld, and the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Canonically afraid of ghost stories, even though she works for one. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on, and a member of the underpowered-melee-fighter club alongside Meiling.<br />
<br />
*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
<gallery><br />
Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
<br />
*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a <s>high-tension Japanese goblin</s> former chief of the [[oni]]. Her hobbies involve drinking and fighing, usually both at once. Super flat-chested (which makes no sense considering here powers). Touhou has more than 1 guy character and Suika is still regarded as the flatest character [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU]. has the power to manipulate density, which somehow gives her the ability to [[Giant|grow gigantic]]...yet not give herself bigger boobs. Usually hangs around the Hakurei Shrine, but is said to own a chunk of Heaven she won from fucking up Tenshi Hinanawi's shit. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years. No, seriously, that's actual canon. [[Inquisitor|Surprisingly has enough intuition see through any of the Sages' plans even while drunk.]]<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
<br />
*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
<br />
*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
<br />
*'''Tewi Inaba''' is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her . <br />
<br />
<br />
*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]], and Japanese dance crazes.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and drank a Hourai Exilir which made her immortal via locking her age for eternity, which is several magnitudes of impure to the Lunarian Society. With Eirin's help escaped to Earth, where she messed with and drove to suicide several hopeful suitors that tried to get into her pants, including Mokou's father. Gensokyo's resident neckbeard.<br />
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*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' [[Neckbeard|A grumpy human-turned-immortal living alone in the woods]] with a [[Book of Grudges|long grudge]] against the moon princess Kaguya. Can [[Sisters of Battle|control]] [[Salamanders|fire]]. <br />
<gallery><br />
9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Aya is one of the most prolific sources of lore however she is <s>not</s> a credible source of information as she is known to <s>lie</s> always tell the complete and unmolested truth.<br />
<br />
* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
<br />
*'''Komachi Onozuka''' is a local busty Grim Reaper/Charon equivalent. Lazy as fuck. Her official description of being "big, tall and huge" is usually taken as having canonically huge tits and ass. Her power is to "manipulate the distance between objects", useful for crossing infinite rivers or telefragging anything.<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Short and flat chested. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer, judges you for your disgusting masturbation habits.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kappashiro''' youkai who likes to use her [[Adeptus Mechanicus|technological skills]] to get all kind of crazy gadgets, usually [[loot|by recycling items from the outside world]].<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]].<br />
<br />
*'''Parsee Mizuhashi''' is <s>a grumpy old troll, that lives under a bridge</s> the bridge princess "oni", she jealous at everyone and everything making her the biggest optimist on earth. Jealousy feeds her Choas style and it is said that Parsee-chan doesn't cry. May or may not be Yuugi's waifu(fanon). <br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
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*'''Byakuren Hijiri''' is the [[Mythology#Abrahamic_Mythology_.28Judaism.2C_Christianity.2C_Islam.29|Jesus]] of Gensokyo. She tried to obtain equal rights for youkai but was <s>crucified</s> sealed away for her transgressions. She has huge boobs. Since later games she has a [[lightsaber]] and a motorcycle which she uses to roll over her enemies (read Toyosatomimi no Miko), we wish the sororitas where this cool. Rumored to be acquainted with Shinki. Also an SJW.<br />
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*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
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*'''Seija Kijin''' is an amanojaku with the power to flip over stuff, from tables to perception to gravity, and she thinks opposite of what other people think. Basically, she is a contrarian [[That Guy]] or turbo-delinquent depending on how you feel about her.<br />
<gallery><br />
Kijin Seija Rope.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Sumireko Usami''' /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
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*'''Doremy Sweet''' a Baku, (self-proclaimed) ruler of the dream world. Eats anon's dreams (and savors every bite). Is also a Doom Sheep Mecha Pilot, Pillow Tycoon, and a theme park manager. <br />
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*'''Kishin Sagume''' is a moon bird, a single winged stork. She can reverse all except established facts with a word, every word. She's (eventually) proven to be the mastermind of Gensokyo's longest incident and almost led the relocation of the Lunar Capital in Gensokyo. May or may not be [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch]].<br />
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*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
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* '''Eternity Larva''' A butterfly fairy/incarnation of summer with an identity crisis. [[Mephet'ran|May or may not be a "dead" god biding her time]], and sworn enemy of Okina. Either way she's a contender to the title of "Strongest Fairy". <br />
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* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
<br />
<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
</gallery> <br />
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*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
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*'''Chang'e''' is a [[Old Ones|frog goddess]] imprisoned on the moon, [[Just As Planned|ironically her imprisonment is what kept her alive]]. Her hobbies include being subject to grudges and watching,she always is, she's watching you right now. [[1984|'''CHANG'E IS WATCHING.''']]<br />
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* <s>'''[[Emperor of Mankind|God Empress of Mudkind]]'''</s> '''Haniyasushin Keiki''' [[Emperor of Mankind|Clay god born from the decomposing remains of dead gods, summoned to the Beast World by human spirits <s>through ritual mass suicide</s>]]. [[Great Crusade|Ever since she has waged a war to liberate and unite the lost tribes of the spirit of man through battle with the Lords of the Beast World. To this effort she's been mass producing ceramic idols for soldiers, and gods to man them]]. Probably owns an STC. Fist fought a dragon once. <br />
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* '''Joutouguu Mayumi''' Marshall of Keiki's armies, a Bandai Marine to the mini idols which make up most of her soldiery. Has a [[Dark Eldar|Murder Dick Shooter]] for a weapon. <br />
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* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
Currently Oil Tycoons that got involved in a crisis involving WMDS in hell. <br />
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* '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
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ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20130821191322/http://wgs.no-ip.org/trpg.pdf Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
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==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010119Touhou2026-04-10T03:26:38Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Characters */</p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
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{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
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Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
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For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
<br />
Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
<br />
We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
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And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
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Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
<br />
=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
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"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a '''lot''' of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent 2hus follows.<br />
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If you're already at least a little familiar with the franchise, you'll notice that the set of 2hus people actually care about are all concentrated towards the beginning of the Windows series; with a few notable exceptions the fandom's regard drops off sharply around ''Undefined Fantastic Object.'' The reason is as depressing as it is common: after quitting his job to work on Touhou full-time, getting married and starting a family [[Games Workshop|ZUN made a series of questionable decisions seemingly aimed at making more money]]. These include, but are not limited to: his memetically bad character art getting even lazier with each installment, authorizing an [[Arseplomancer|assplosion]] of commercial spinoff media so he could collect royalties, releasing past and present Touhou games on online stores when they had been the crown jewel of the doujin market for decades, [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Alternative_Facts_in_Eastern_Utopia commenting on American politics], trying to monetize the western fandom with official English translations of various games and comics, and perhaps most heinously sending a DMCA takedown to Moriya Shrine, the largest English-language Touhou fansite. Combined with the sheer fatigue of making the same game over and over for more than twenty years and the Touhou fandom is stuck in a bubble of revisiting memes and characters from the same five-year period because nearly everything ZUN has come up with since just feels like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most newer content creators have moved on to other franchises at this point, most infamously gacha games. [[Warhammer 40,000|Does this sound familiar to you?]]<br />
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*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is '''<s>THE CRIMSON SLASHER</s>''' <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her signature ability is floating, which sounds lame until you find out [[Lolwut|she can float away from reality]] making her totally invincible. This means that if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default, because like a bad DM she can just NOPE out of anything she doesn't want to deal with... assuming she remembers to use that power. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c This video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. Her other skills include [[Fist of the North Star|Musou Tensei]], killing everyone (including herself) with balls, and general main character privilege. This is all balanced by the fact that she's a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to sipping tea at the shrine. Also she's the living keystone for the barrier that holds Gensokyo up, so if she ever died for reals (without leaving a kid to be her successor) it's [[Exterminatus]] time for everyone. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken brawl in Gensokyo]]<br />
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*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an "ordinary" magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Able to keep up with gods and archdevils despite being 100% human]] because she does lots of shrooms. Talks and acts like a shounen protagonist, so about 10% of the fandom is convinced [[Rule 63|she's actually a man]] despite all evidence to the contrary.<br />
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*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, but not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god; part of a youkai's power comes from what they embody and there are a ''lot'' of flowers in Gensokyo. [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
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*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
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*'''Cirno''' the ice fairy is <s>an intellectually-challenged child with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! Nobody knows how to pronounce her name. Associated with the number ⑨ (thought to be her average test score) and often grouped together with the other low-level idiots as "Team ⑨". Suddenly powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
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Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
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*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives. Official material insists she's human but her real race, origin, and how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a fallen vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Notable for being the hero of the first commercial 2hu game made with no involvement from ZUN, Touhou Luna Nights. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
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*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' is the head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Weeaboo Fightan Magic|Demigod-level tai chi master]], [[3e|which doesn't mean much in a series where problems are solved with magical dakka.]] Even in the fighting-game spinoffs she's usually underpowered. Her "name" come from the fact that her actual name is in Chinese, had no pronunciation guide in ''EoSD'', and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' is a 500+ year old vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first Windows game. Likes to play the classy noblewoman in cliche vampire fashion, until the facade inevitably breaks and she starts acting like a child. Actually responsible for the spell card system being created in the first place; she moved her entire fucking mansion through the barrier from somewhere in Europe, thought she could build an empire of blood and darkness and [[FATAL|was quickly informed that this is not a thing that you do in Gensokyo]]. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
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*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked in a basement for 495 years due to being kind of crazy and not able to control her omgwtfhax levels of power. Likes to eat cute pastries that are all made of people. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]] and the power to reach out and destroy "eyes" in things to make them explode, but this isn't the win button you would think because of her lack of focus and it mostly just hurts like hell when used on other 2hus. [https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/McRoll Rumored to be seeking a sponsorship deal with McDonald's.]<br />
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FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
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*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is the gardener of the underworld, and the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Canonically afraid of ghost stories, even though she works for one. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on, and a member of the underpowered-melee-fighter club alongside Meiling.<br />
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*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
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Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
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*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
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*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a <s>high-tension Japanese goblin</s> former chief of the [[oni]]. Her hobbies involve drinking and fighing, usually both at once. Super flat-chested (which makes no sense considering here powers). Touhou has more than 1 guy character and Suika is still regarded as the flatest character [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU]. has the power to manipulate density, which somehow gives her the ability to [[Giant|grow gigantic]]...yet not give herself bigger boobs. Usually hangs around the Hakurei Shrine, but is said to own a chunk of Heaven she won from fucking up Tenshi Hinanawi's shit. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years. No, seriously, that's actual canon. [[Inquisitor|Surprisingly has enough intuition see through any of the Sages' plans even while drunk.]]<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
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*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
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*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
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*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
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*'''Tewi Inaba''' is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her . <br />
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*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]], and Japanese dance crazes.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and drank a Hourai Exilir which made her immortal via locking her age for eternity, which is several magnitudes of impure to the Lunarian Society. With Eirin's help escaped to Earth, where she messed with and drove to suicide several hopeful suitors that tried to get into her pants, including Mokou's father. Gensokyo's resident neckbeard.<br />
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*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' [[Neckbeard|A grumpy human-turned-immortal living alone in the woods]] with a [[Book of Grudges|long grudge]] against the moon princess Kaguya. Can [[Sisters of Battle|control]] [[Salamanders|fire]]. <br />
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9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
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* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Aya is one of the most prolific sources of lore however she is <s>not</s> a credible source of information as she is known to <s>lie</s> always tell the complete and unmolested truth.<br />
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* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
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*'''Komachi Onozuka''' is a local busty Grim Reaper/Charon equivalent. Lazy as fuck. Her official description of being "big, tall and huge" is usually taken as having canonically huge tits and ass. Her power is to "manipulate the distance between objects", useful for crossing infinite rivers or telefragging anything.<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Short and flat chested. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer, judges you for your disgusting masturbation habits.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kappashiro''' youkai who likes to use her [[Adeptus Mechanicus|technological skills]] to get all kind of crazy gadgets, usually [[loot|by recycling items from the outside world]].<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]].<br />
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*'''Parsee Mizuhashi''' is <s>a grumpy old troll, that lives under a bridge</s> the bridge princess "oni", she jealous at everyone and everything making her the biggest optimist on earth. Jealousy feeds her Choas style and it is said that Parsee-chan doesn't cry. May or may not be Yuugi's waifu(fanon). <br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
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*'''Byakuren Hijiri''' is the [[Mythology#Abrahamic_Mythology_.28Judaism.2C_Christianity.2C_Islam.29|Jesus]] of Gensokyo. She tried to obtain equal rights for youkai but was <s>crucified</s> sealed away for her transgressions. She has huge boobs. Since later games she has a [[lightsaber]] and a motorcycle which she uses to roll over her enemies (read Toyosatomimi no Miko), we wish the sororitas where this cool. Rumored to be acquainted with Shinki. Also an SJW.<br />
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*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
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*'''Seija Kijin''' is an amanojaku with the power to flip over stuff, from tables to perception to gravity, and she thinks opposite of what other people think. Basically, she is a contrarian [[That Guy]] or turbo-delinquent depending on how you feel about her.<br />
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Kijin Seija Rope.jpeg<br />
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*'''Sumireko Usami''' /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
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*'''Doremy Sweet''' a Baku, (self-proclaimed) ruler of the dream world. Eats anon's dreams (and savors every bite). Is also a Doom Sheep Mecha Pilot, Pillow Tycoon, and a theme park manager. <br />
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*'''Kishin Sagume''' is a moon bird, a single winged stork. She can reverse all except established facts with a word, every word. She's (eventually) proven to be the mastermind of Gensokyo's longest incident and almost led the relocation of the Lunar Capital in Gensokyo. May or may not be [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch]].<br />
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*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
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* '''Eternity Larva''' A butterfly fairy/incarnation of summer with an identity crisis. [[Mephet'ran|May or may not be a "dead" god biding her time]], and sworn enemy of Okina. Either way she's a contender to the title of "Strongest Fairy". <br />
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* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
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<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
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*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
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*'''Chang'e''' is a [[Old Ones|frog goddess]] imprisoned on the moon, [[Just As Planned|ironically her imprisonment is what kept her alive]]. Her hobbies include being subject to grudges and watching,she always is, she's watching you right now. [[1984|'''CHANG'E IS WATCHING.''']]<br />
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* <s>'''[[Emperor of Mankind|God Empress of Mudkind]]'''</s> '''Haniyasushin Keiki''' [[Emperor of Mankind|Clay god born from the decomposing remains of dead gods, summoned to the Beast World by human spirits <s>through ritual mass suicide</s>]]. [[Great Crusade|Ever since she has waged a war to liberate and unite the lost tribes of the spirit of man through battle with the Lords of the Beast World. To this effort she's been mass producing ceramic idols for soldiers, and gods to man them]]. Probably owns an STC. Fist fought a dragon once. <br />
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* '''Joutouguu Mayumi''' Marshall of Keiki's armies, a Bandai Marine to the mini idols which make up most of her soldiery. Has a [[Dark Eldar|Murder Dick Shooter]] for a weapon. <br />
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* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
Currently Oil Tycoons that got involved in a crisis involving WMDS in hell. <br />
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* '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
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ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
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==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
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==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20130821191322/http://wgs.no-ip.org/trpg.pdf Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010117Touhou2026-04-10T02:22:24Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Characters */</p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
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{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
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Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
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For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
<br />
Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
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We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
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And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
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Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
<br />
=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
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"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a '''lot''' of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent 2hus follows.<br />
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If you're already at least a little familiar with the franchise, you'll notice that the set of 2hus people actually care about are all concentrated towards the beginning of the Windows series; with a few notable exceptions the fandom's regard drops off sharply around ''Undefined Fantastic Object.'' The reason is as depressing as it is common: after quitting his job to work on Touhou full-time, getting married and starting a family [[Games Workshop|ZUN made a series of questionable decisions seemingly aimed at making more money]]. These include, but are not limited to: his memetically bad character art getting even lazier with each installment, authorizing an [[Arseplomancer|assplosion]] of commercial spinoff media so he could collect royalties, releasing past and present Touhou games on online stores when they had been the crown jewel of the doujin market for decades, trying to monetize the western fandom with official English translations of various games and comics, and perhaps most heinously sending a DMCA takedown to Moriya Shrine, the largest English-language Touhou fansite. Combined with the sheer fatigue of making the same game over and over for more than twenty years and the Touhou fandom is stuck in a bubble of revisiting memes and characters from the same five-year period because nearly everything ZUN has come up with since just feels like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most newer content creators have moved on to other franchises at this point, most infamously gacha games. [[Warhammer 40,000|Does this sound familiar to you?]]<br />
<br />
*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is '''<s>THE CRIMSON SLASHER</s>''' <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her signature ability is floating, which sounds lame until you find out [[Lolwut|she can float away from reality]] making her totally invincible. This means that if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default, because like a bad DM she can just NOPE out of anything she doesn't want to deal with... assuming she remembers to use that power. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c This video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. Her other skills include [[Fist of the North Star|Musou Tensei]], killing everyone (including herself) with balls, and general main character privilege. This is all balanced by the fact that she's a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to sipping tea at the shrine. Also she's the living keystone for the barrier that holds Gensokyo up, so if she ever died for reals (without leaving a kid to be her successor) it's [[Exterminatus]] time for everyone. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken bawl most likely]]<br />
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*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an ordinary magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. She's currently looking for a means of immortality, but all available methods aren't to her liking (she'd like to give it up when life gets boring).<br />
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*'''Mima''' is a sadly forgotten resident [[Lich]] when the series move to Windows from a long-dead Japanese computer line, and the one who taught Marisa nearly everything she knows. Gives no fucks and with even bigger ego than her student, she is basically [[Slayers|Naga to Marisa's Lina.]] Also one of the very few who is genuinely friends with Yuuka Kazami.<br />
<gallery><br />
The true Final Boss.PNG<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Chiyuri Kitashirakawa''' is a sailor uniform (a real one, not school one) wearing time traveler from the future who assists Yumemi in studying magic. Goes behind her boss's back by orchestrating a ploy for the inhabitants of Gensokyo to fight each, with the plan to kidnap the the last one standing and experiment on her. Also likes to smack people with steel chairs.<br />
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*'''Yumemi Okazaki''' is a time traveling professor from the future where the Grand Unified Theory was proven to be true, and now with her assistant Chiyuri tries to prove the existence of magic to the scientific community (for which she gets laughed at). May or may not be from the same future that Renko and Maribel live in, and might be their teacher as well.<br />
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*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower Youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god, but [[Old Ones|due to simply being that old.]] [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] [[Shota|Probable pedophile.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
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*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
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*'''Shinki''' is the Power who rules over her own hand-made plane of Makai (Demon Realm, not to be confused with the myriad of Japanese Hells) as its Mother-Goddess. She is also the closest being to the Capital-G God the setting has, and during the fight with the "heroes" got so worked up that she accidenly set the whole of Makai on fire. And last, but not least, she is Alice's doting stepmom.<br />
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*'''Cirno''' is <s>an intellectually-challenged fairy with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM |SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes, and can control ice. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! <s>Nobody knows how to pronounce her name.</s> It's pronounced "Cheer-no". Powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
<gallery><br />
Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives (actually her knife arsenal is limited; she canonically constantly stops time mid-fight just to pick up her discarded knives and resume like nothing has happened). Her race, origin, or how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
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*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> <s>Kurenai Misuzu</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' Head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Monk|Relies more on martial arts than magic]], to the extent where her ranged attacks are piddling at best, but makes up for it by being [[Khorne|an absolute beast in melee]]. Her "names" come from the fact that Chinese characters can be read differently in Japanese, and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first post-PC-98 Touhou game. Incredibly childish despite being ~500 years old and has another less-relevant loli vampire sister. Invaded the moon once. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
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*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked herself in a basement for 495 years due to temper issues. [[Celestial Orrery|Has the power to destroy by destroying eyes, everything has eyes]]. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]].<br />
<gallery><br />
FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is too soft, but the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is also very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Is canonically afraid of ghost stories despite serving one and living in the afterlife. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on. <br />
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*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
<gallery><br />
Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
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*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a former chief of the [[oni]] (a demon-ogre, for those who don't know). Her hobbies involve drinking and fighing, usually both at once. Super flat-chested (which makes no sense considering here powers). Touhou has more than 1 guy character and Suika is still regarded as the flatest character [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU]. has the power to manipulate density, which somehow gives her the ability to [[Giant|grow gigantic]]...yet not give herself bigger boobs. Usually hangs around the Hakurei Shrine, but is said to own a chunk of Heaven she won from fucking up Tenshi Hinanawi's shit. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years. No, seriously, that's actual canon. [[Inquisitor|Surprisingly has enough intuition see through any of the Sages' plans even while drunk.]]<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
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*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
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*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
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*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
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*'''Tewi Inaba''' is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her . <br />
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<br />
*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]], and Japanese dance crazes.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and drank a Hourai Exilir which made her immortal via locking her age for eternity, which is several magnitudes of impure to the Lunarian Society. With Eirin's help escaped to Earth, where she messed with and drove to suicide several hopeful suitors that tried to get into her pants, including Mokou's father. Gensokyo's resident neckbeard.<br />
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*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' [[Neckbeard|A grumpy human-turned-immortal living alone in the woods]] with a [[Book of Grudges|long grudge]] against the moon princess Kaguya. Can [[Sisters of Battle|control]] [[Salamanders|fire]]. <br />
<gallery><br />
9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
</gallery><br />
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* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Aya is one of the most prolific sources of lore however she is <s>not</s> a credible source of information as she is known to <s>lie</s> always tell the complete and unmolested truth.<br />
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* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
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*'''Komachi Onozuka''' is a local busty Grim Reaper/Charon equivalent. Lazy as fuck. Her official description of being "big, tall and huge" is usually taken as having canonically huge tits and ass. Her power is to "manipulate the distance between objects", useful for crossing infinite rivers or telefragging anything.<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Short and flat chested. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer, judges you for your disgusting masturbation habits.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kappashiro''' youkai who likes to use her [[Adeptus Mechanicus|technological skills]] to get all kind of crazy gadgets, usually [[loot|by recycling items from the outside world]].<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]].<br />
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*'''Parsee Mizuhashi''' is <s>a grumpy old troll, that lives under a bridge</s> the bridge princess "oni", she jealous at everyone and everything making her the biggest optimist on earth. Jealousy feeds her Choas style and it is said that Parsee-chan doesn't cry. May or may not be Yuugi's waifu(fanon). <br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
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*'''Byakuren Hijiri''' is the [[Mythology#Abrahamic_Mythology_.28Judaism.2C_Christianity.2C_Islam.29|Jesus]] of Gensokyo. She tried to obtain equal rights for youkai but was <s>crucified</s> sealed away for her transgressions. She has huge boobs. Since later games she has a [[lightsaber]] and a motorcycle which she uses to roll over her enemies (read Toyosatomimi no Miko), we wish the sororitas where this cool. Rumored to be acquainted with Shinki. Also an SJW.<br />
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*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
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*'''Seija Kijin''' is an amanojaku with the power to flip over stuff, from tables to perception to gravity, and she thinks opposite of what other people think. Basically, she is a contrarian [[That Guy]] or turbo-delinquent depending on how you feel about her.<br />
<gallery><br />
Kijin Seija Rope.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Sumireko Usami''' /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
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*'''Doremy Sweet''' a Baku, (self-proclaimed) ruler of the dream world. Eats anon's dreams (and savors every bite). Is also a Doom Sheep Mecha Pilot, Pillow Tycoon, and a theme park manager. <br />
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*'''Kishin Sagume''' is a moon bird, a single winged stork. She can reverse all except established facts with a word, every word. She's (eventually) proven to be the mastermind of Gensokyo's longest incident and almost led the relocation of the Lunar Capital in Gensokyo. May or may not be [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch]].<br />
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*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
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* '''Eternity Larva''' A butterfly fairy/incarnation of summer with an identity crisis. [[Mephet'ran|May or may not be a "dead" god biding her time]], and sworn enemy of Okina. Either way she's a contender to the title of "Strongest Fairy". <br />
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* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
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<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
</gallery> <br />
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*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
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*'''Chang'e''' is a [[Old Ones|frog goddess]] imprisoned on the moon, [[Just As Planned|ironically her imprisonment is what kept her alive]]. Her hobbies include being subject to grudges and watching,she always is, she's watching you right now. [[1984|'''CHANG'E IS WATCHING.''']]<br />
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* <s>'''[[Emperor of Mankind|God Empress of Mudkind]]'''</s> '''Haniyasushin Keiki''' [[Emperor of Mankind|Clay god born from the decomposing remains of dead gods, summoned to the Beast World by human spirits <s>through ritual mass suicide</s>]]. [[Great Crusade|Ever since she has waged a war to liberate and unite the lost tribes of the spirit of man through battle with the Lords of the Beast World. To this effort she's been mass producing ceramic idols for soldiers, and gods to man them]]. Probably owns an STC. Fist fought a dragon once. <br />
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* '''Joutouguu Mayumi''' Marshall of Keiki's armies, a Bandai Marine to the mini idols which make up most of her soldiery. Has a [[Dark Eldar|Murder Dick Shooter]] for a weapon. <br />
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* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
Currently Oil Tycoons that got involved in a crisis involving WMDS in hell. <br />
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* '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
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ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20130821191322/http://wgs.no-ip.org/trpg.pdf Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010116Touhou2026-04-10T02:06:45Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Characters */</p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
<br />
{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
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Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
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For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
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Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
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We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
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And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
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Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
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=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
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"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a '''lot''' of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent 2hus follows.<br />
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If you're already at least a little familiar with the franchise, you'll notice that the set of 2hus people actually care about are all concentrated towards the beginning of the Windows series; with a few notable exceptions the fandom's regard drops off sharply around ''Undefined Fantastic Object.'' The reason is as depressing as it is common: after quitting his job to work on Touhou full-time, getting married and starting a family [[Games Workshop|ZUN made a series of questionable decisions seemingly aimed at making more money]]. These include, but are not limited to: his memetically bad character art getting even lazier with each installment, authorizing an [[Arseplomancer|assplosion]] of commercial spinoff media so he could collect royalties, releasing past and present Touhou games on online stores when they had been the crown jewel of the doujin market for decades, trying to monetize the western fandom with official English translations of various games and comics, and perhaps most heinously sending a DMCA takedown to Moriya Shrine, the largest English-language Touhou fansite. Combined with the sheer fatigue of making the same game over and over for more than twenty years and the Touhou fandom is stuck in a bubble of revisiting memes and characters from the same five-year period because nearly everything ZUN has come up with since just feels like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most newer content creators have moved on to other franchises at this point, most infamously gacha games. [[Warhammer 40,000|Does this sound familiar to you?]]<br />
<br />
*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is <s>an undead zombie</s> <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her abilities include flight, utter invincibility invoked when she feels like it (Fantasy Heaven), killing everyone with her balls, and overpoweredness, that's because ''she can fly away from reality'', hence making her utterly invulnerable, even against concept manipulators such as Yukari, in other words, if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default (Well, what did you expect? Japs consider a point of national pride making characters as OP as possible), exemplifying the concept of [[CoDzilla]] in D&D 3.5. or a 1++ Invulnerable Save/Eternal Warrior/It Will Not Die/Feels No Pain/Reanimation Protocols, all rolled in one, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c this video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. This is all balanced by the fact that she's generally a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to lazing around the shrine. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken bawl most likely]]<br />
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*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an ordinary magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. She's currently looking for a means of immortality, but all available methods aren't to her liking (she'd like to give it up when life gets boring).<br />
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*'''Mima''' is a sadly forgotten resident [[Lich]] when the series move to Windows from a long-dead Japanese computer line, and the one who taught Marisa nearly everything she knows. Gives no fucks and with even bigger ego than her student, she is basically [[Slayers|Naga to Marisa's Lina.]] Also one of the very few who is genuinely friends with Yuuka Kazami.<br />
<gallery><br />
The true Final Boss.PNG<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Chiyuri Kitashirakawa''' is a sailor uniform (a real one, not school one) wearing time traveler from the future who assists Yumemi in studying magic. Goes behind her boss's back by orchestrating a ploy for the inhabitants of Gensokyo to fight each, with the plan to kidnap the the last one standing and experiment on her. Also likes to smack people with steel chairs.<br />
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*'''Yumemi Okazaki''' is a time traveling professor from the future where the Grand Unified Theory was proven to be true, and now with her assistant Chiyuri tries to prove the existence of magic to the scientific community (for which she gets laughed at). May or may not be from the same future that Renko and Maribel live in, and might be their teacher as well.<br />
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*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower Youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god, but [[Old Ones|due to simply being that old.]] [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] [[Shota|Probable pedophile.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
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*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
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*'''Shinki''' is the Power who rules over her own hand-made plane of Makai (Demon Realm, not to be confused with the myriad of Japanese Hells) as its Mother-Goddess. She is also the closest being to the Capital-G God the setting has, and during the fight with the "heroes" got so worked up that she accidenly set the whole of Makai on fire. And last, but not least, she is Alice's doting stepmom.<br />
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*'''Cirno''' is <s>an intellectually-challenged fairy with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM |SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes, and can control ice. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! <s>Nobody knows how to pronounce her name.</s> It's pronounced "Cheer-no". Powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
<gallery><br />
Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives (actually her knife arsenal is limited; she canonically constantly stops time mid-fight just to pick up her discarded knives and resume like nothing has happened). Her race, origin, or how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
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*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> <s>Kurenai Misuzu</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' Head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Monk|Relies more on martial arts than magic]], to the extent where her ranged attacks are piddling at best, but makes up for it by being [[Khorne|an absolute beast in melee]]. Her "names" come from the fact that Chinese characters can be read differently in Japanese, and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first post-PC-98 Touhou game. Incredibly childish despite being ~500 years old and has another less-relevant loli vampire sister. Invaded the moon once. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
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*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked herself in a basement for 495 years due to temper issues. [[Celestial Orrery|Has the power to destroy by destroying eyes, everything has eyes]]. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]].<br />
<gallery><br />
FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is too soft, but the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is also very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Is canonically afraid of ghost stories despite serving one and living in the afterlife. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on. <br />
<br />
*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
<gallery><br />
Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
<br />
*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a former chief of the [[oni]] (a demon-ogre, for those who don't know). Her hobbies involve drinking and fighing, usually both at once. Super flat-chested (which makes no sense considering here powers). Touhou has more than 1 guy character and Suika is still regarded as the flatest character [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU]. has the power to manipulate density, which somehow gives her the ability to [[Giant|grow gigantic]]...yet not give herself bigger boobs. Usually hangs around the Hakurei Shrine, but is said to own a chunk of Heaven she won from fucking up Tenshi Hinanawi's shit. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years. No, seriously, that's actual canon. [[Inquisitor|Surprisingly has enough intuition see through any of the Sages' plans even while drunk.]]<br />
<br />
[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
<br />
*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
<br />
*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
<br />
[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
<br />
*'''Tewi Inaba''' is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her . <br />
<br />
<br />
*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]], and Japanese dance crazes.<br />
<br />
*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and drank a Hourai Exilir which made her immortal via locking her age for eternity, which is several magnitudes of impure to the Lunarian Society. With Eirin's help escaped to Earth, where she messed with and drove to suicide several hopeful suitors that tried to get into her pants, including Mokou's father. Gensokyo's resident neckbeard.<br />
<br />
*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' [[Neckbeard|A grumpy human-turned-immortal living alone in the woods]] with a [[Book of Grudges|long grudge]] against the moon princess Kaguya. Can [[Sisters of Battle|control]] [[Salamanders|fire]]. <br />
<gallery><br />
9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Aya is one of the most prolific sources of lore however she is <s>not</s> a credible source of information as she is known to <s>lie</s> always tell the complete and unmolested truth.<br />
<br />
* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
<br />
*'''Komachi Onozuka''' is a local busty Grim Reaper/Charon equivalent. Lazy as fuck. Her official description of being "big, tall and huge" is usually taken as having canonically huge tits and ass. Her power is to "manipulate the distance between objects", useful for crossing infinite rivers or telefragging anything.<br />
<br />
*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Short and flat chested. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer, judges you for your disgusting masturbation habits.<br />
<br />
* '''Nitori Kappashiro''' youkai who likes to use her [[Adeptus Mechanicus|technological skills]] to get all kind of crazy gadgets, usually [[loot|by recycling items from the outside world]].<br />
<br />
* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
<br />
* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
<br />
*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]].<br />
<br />
*'''Parsee Mizuhashi''' is <s>a grumpy old troll, that lives under a bridge</s> the bridge princess "oni", she jealous at everyone and everything making her the biggest optimist on earth. Jealousy feeds her Choas style and it is said that Parsee-chan doesn't cry. May or may not be Yuugi's waifu(fanon). <br />
<br />
*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
<br />
*'''Byakuren Hijiri''' is the [[Mythology#Abrahamic_Mythology_.28Judaism.2C_Christianity.2C_Islam.29|Jesus]] of Gensokyo. She tried to obtain equal rights for youkai but was <s>crucified</s> sealed away for her transgressions. She has huge boobs. Since later games she has a [[lightsaber]] and a motorcycle which she uses to roll over her enemies (read Toyosatomimi no Miko), we wish the sororitas where this cool. Rumored to be acquainted with Shinki. Also an SJW.<br />
<br />
*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
<br />
*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
<br />
*'''Seija Kijin''' is an amanojaku with the power to flip over stuff, from tables to perception to gravity, and she thinks opposite of what other people think. Basically, she is a contrarian [[That Guy]] or turbo-delinquent depending on how you feel about her.<br />
<gallery><br />
Kijin Seija Rope.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Sumireko Usami''' /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
<br />
*'''Doremy Sweet''' a Baku, (self-proclaimed) ruler of the dream world. Eats anon's dreams (and savors every bite). Is also a Doom Sheep Mecha Pilot, Pillow Tycoon, and a theme park manager. <br />
<br />
*'''Kishin Sagume''' is a moon bird, a single winged stork. She can reverse all except established facts with a word, every word. She's (eventually) proven to be the mastermind of Gensokyo's longest incident and almost led the relocation of the Lunar Capital in Gensokyo. May or may not be [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch]].<br />
<br />
*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
<br />
* '''Eternity Larva''' A butterfly fairy/incarnation of summer with an identity crisis. [[Mephet'ran|May or may not be a "dead" god biding her time]], and sworn enemy of Okina. Either way she's a contender to the title of "Strongest Fairy". <br />
<br />
* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
<br />
<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
</gallery> <br />
<br />
*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
<br />
*'''Chang'e''' is a [[Old Ones|frog goddess]] imprisoned on the moon, [[Just As Planned|ironically her imprisonment is what kept her alive]]. Her hobbies include being subject to grudges and watching,she always is, she's watching you right now. [[1984|'''CHANG'E IS WATCHING.''']]<br />
<br />
* <s>'''[[Emperor of Mankind|God Empress of Mudkind]]'''</s> '''Haniyasushin Keiki''' [[Emperor of Mankind|Clay god born from the decomposing remains of dead gods, summoned to the Beast World by human spirits <s>through ritual mass suicide</s>]]. [[Great Crusade|Ever since she has waged a war to liberate and unite the lost tribes of the spirit of man through battle with the Lords of the Beast World. To this effort she's been mass producing ceramic idols for soldiers, and gods to man them]]. Probably owns an STC. Fist fought a dragon once. <br />
<br />
* '''Joutouguu Mayumi''' Marshall of Keiki's armies, a Bandai Marine to the mini idols which make up most of her soldiery. Has a [[Dark Eldar|Murder Dick Shooter]] for a weapon. <br />
<br />
* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
Currently Oil Tycoons that got involved in a crisis involving WMDS in hell. <br />
<br />
* '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
<br />
ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20130821191322/http://wgs.no-ip.org/trpg.pdf Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010115Touhou2026-04-10T01:22:54Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Why Gensokyo is a terrible place */</p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
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{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
<br />
Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
<br />
For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
<br />
Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
<br />
We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
<br />
And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
<br />
Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
<br />
=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
<br />
"But wait!" I hear you say, "aren't there tons of cryptids that eat people?" You would be right, and the answer to that is [[Grimdark|they eat people from the outside world.]] The Powers that Be in Gensokyo create small tears in the barrier and pull people through (generally the suicidal and [[Fags of 4chan|other people who won't be missed]], giving the "brb gensokyo" meme a new and terrifying meaning) to be hunted down and killed by whatever youkai stumble across them. If this happens to you your ''only'' chance is to make the hellrun to the human village, where you will be given two choices: go back to the normal world where all of this will feel like a bad dream, or stay in Gensokyo with your PvP flag disabled as a villager. This gets downplayed a lot in spin-off material, but it's always there in the background.<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a lot of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent Touhoes follows (feel free to add your favourite 2hu, we know you want to):<br />
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*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is <s>an undead zombie</s> <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her abilities include flight, utter invincibility invoked when she feels like it (Fantasy Heaven), killing everyone with her balls, and overpoweredness, that's because ''she can fly away from reality'', hence making her utterly invulnerable, even against concept manipulators such as Yukari, in other words, if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default (Well, what did you expect? Japs consider a point of national pride making characters as OP as possible), exemplifying the concept of [[CoDzilla]] in D&D 3.5. or a 1++ Invulnerable Save/Eternal Warrior/It Will Not Die/Feels No Pain/Reanimation Protocols, all rolled in one, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c this video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. This is all balanced by the fact that she's generally a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to lazing around the shrine. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken bawl most likely]]<br />
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*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an ordinary magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. She's currently looking for a means of immortality, but all available methods aren't to her liking (she'd like to give it up when life gets boring).<br />
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*'''Mima''' is a sadly forgotten resident [[Lich]] when the series move to Windows from a long-dead Japanese computer line, and the one who taught Marisa nearly everything she knows. Gives no fucks and with even bigger ego than her student, she is basically [[Slayers|Naga to Marisa's Lina.]] Also one of the very few who is genuinely friends with Yuuka Kazami.<br />
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The true Final Boss.PNG<br />
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*'''Chiyuri Kitashirakawa''' is a sailor uniform (a real one, not school one) wearing time traveler from the future who assists Yumemi in studying magic. Goes behind her boss's back by orchestrating a ploy for the inhabitants of Gensokyo to fight each, with the plan to kidnap the the last one standing and experiment on her. Also likes to smack people with steel chairs.<br />
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*'''Yumemi Okazaki''' is a time traveling professor from the future where the Grand Unified Theory was proven to be true, and now with her assistant Chiyuri tries to prove the existence of magic to the scientific community (for which she gets laughed at). May or may not be from the same future that Renko and Maribel live in, and might be their teacher as well.<br />
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*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower Youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god, but [[Old Ones|due to simply being that old.]] [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] [[Shota|Probable pedophile.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
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*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
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*'''Shinki''' is the Power who rules over her own hand-made plane of Makai (Demon Realm, not to be confused with the myriad of Japanese Hells) as its Mother-Goddess. She is also the closest being to the Capital-G God the setting has, and during the fight with the "heroes" got so worked up that she accidenly set the whole of Makai on fire. And last, but not least, she is Alice's doting stepmom.<br />
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*'''Cirno''' is <s>an intellectually-challenged fairy with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM |SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes, and can control ice. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! <s>Nobody knows how to pronounce her name.</s> It's pronounced "Cheer-no". Powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
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Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
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*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives (actually her knife arsenal is limited; she canonically constantly stops time mid-fight just to pick up her discarded knives and resume like nothing has happened). Her race, origin, or how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
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*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> <s>Kurenai Misuzu</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' Head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Monk|Relies more on martial arts than magic]], to the extent where her ranged attacks are piddling at best, but makes up for it by being [[Khorne|an absolute beast in melee]]. Her "names" come from the fact that Chinese characters can be read differently in Japanese, and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first post-PC-98 Touhou game. Incredibly childish despite being ~500 years old and has another less-relevant loli vampire sister. Invaded the moon once. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
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*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked herself in a basement for 495 years due to temper issues. [[Celestial Orrery|Has the power to destroy by destroying eyes, everything has eyes]]. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]].<br />
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FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
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*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is too soft, but the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is also very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Is canonically afraid of ghost stories despite serving one and living in the afterlife. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on. <br />
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*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
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Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
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*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
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*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a former chief of the [[oni]] (a demon-ogre, for those who don't know). Her hobbies involve drinking and fighing, usually both at once. Super flat-chested (which makes no sense considering here powers). Touhou has more than 1 guy character and Suika is still regarded as the flatest character [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU]. has the power to manipulate density, which somehow gives her the ability to [[Giant|grow gigantic]]...yet not give herself bigger boobs. Usually hangs around the Hakurei Shrine, but is said to own a chunk of Heaven she won from fucking up Tenshi Hinanawi's shit. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years. No, seriously, that's actual canon. [[Inquisitor|Surprisingly has enough intuition see through any of the Sages' plans even while drunk.]]<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
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*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
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*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
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*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
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*'''Tewi Inaba''' is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her . <br />
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*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]], and Japanese dance crazes.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and drank a Hourai Exilir which made her immortal via locking her age for eternity, which is several magnitudes of impure to the Lunarian Society. With Eirin's help escaped to Earth, where she messed with and drove to suicide several hopeful suitors that tried to get into her pants, including Mokou's father. Gensokyo's resident neckbeard.<br />
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*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' [[Neckbeard|A grumpy human-turned-immortal living alone in the woods]] with a [[Book of Grudges|long grudge]] against the moon princess Kaguya. Can [[Sisters of Battle|control]] [[Salamanders|fire]]. <br />
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9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
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* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Aya is one of the most prolific sources of lore however she is <s>not</s> a credible source of information as she is known to <s>lie</s> always tell the complete and unmolested truth.<br />
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* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
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*'''Komachi Onozuka''' is a local busty Grim Reaper/Charon equivalent. Lazy as fuck. Her official description of being "big, tall and huge" is usually taken as having canonically huge tits and ass. Her power is to "manipulate the distance between objects", useful for crossing infinite rivers or telefragging anything.<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Short and flat chested. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer, judges you for your disgusting masturbation habits.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kappashiro''' youkai who likes to use her [[Adeptus Mechanicus|technological skills]] to get all kind of crazy gadgets, usually [[loot|by recycling items from the outside world]].<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]].<br />
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*'''Parsee Mizuhashi''' is <s>a grumpy old troll, that lives under a bridge</s> the bridge princess "oni", she jealous at everyone and everything making her the biggest optimist on earth. Jealousy feeds her Choas style and it is said that Parsee-chan doesn't cry. May or may not be Yuugi's waifu(fanon). <br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
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*'''Byakuren Hijiri''' is the [[Mythology#Abrahamic_Mythology_.28Judaism.2C_Christianity.2C_Islam.29|Jesus]] of Gensokyo. She tried to obtain equal rights for youkai but was <s>crucified</s> sealed away for her transgressions. She has huge boobs. Since later games she has a [[lightsaber]] and a motorcycle which she uses to roll over her enemies (read Toyosatomimi no Miko), we wish the sororitas where this cool. Rumored to be acquainted with Shinki. Also an SJW.<br />
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*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
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*'''Seija Kijin''' is an amanojaku with the power to flip over stuff, from tables to perception to gravity, and she thinks opposite of what other people think. Basically, she is a contrarian [[That Guy]] or turbo-delinquent depending on how you feel about her.<br />
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Kijin Seija Rope.jpeg<br />
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*'''Sumireko Usami''' /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
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*'''Doremy Sweet''' a Baku, (self-proclaimed) ruler of the dream world. Eats anon's dreams (and savors every bite). Is also a Doom Sheep Mecha Pilot, Pillow Tycoon, and a theme park manager. <br />
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*'''Kishin Sagume''' is a moon bird, a single winged stork. She can reverse all except established facts with a word, every word. She's (eventually) proven to be the mastermind of Gensokyo's longest incident and almost led the relocation of the Lunar Capital in Gensokyo. May or may not be [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch]].<br />
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*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
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* '''Eternity Larva''' A butterfly fairy/incarnation of summer with an identity crisis. [[Mephet'ran|May or may not be a "dead" god biding her time]], and sworn enemy of Okina. Either way she's a contender to the title of "Strongest Fairy". <br />
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* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
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<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
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*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
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*'''Chang'e''' is a [[Old Ones|frog goddess]] imprisoned on the moon, [[Just As Planned|ironically her imprisonment is what kept her alive]]. Her hobbies include being subject to grudges and watching,she always is, she's watching you right now. [[1984|'''CHANG'E IS WATCHING.''']]<br />
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* <s>'''[[Emperor of Mankind|God Empress of Mudkind]]'''</s> '''Haniyasushin Keiki''' [[Emperor of Mankind|Clay god born from the decomposing remains of dead gods, summoned to the Beast World by human spirits <s>through ritual mass suicide</s>]]. [[Great Crusade|Ever since she has waged a war to liberate and unite the lost tribes of the spirit of man through battle with the Lords of the Beast World. To this effort she's been mass producing ceramic idols for soldiers, and gods to man them]]. Probably owns an STC. Fist fought a dragon once. <br />
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* '''Joutouguu Mayumi''' Marshall of Keiki's armies, a Bandai Marine to the mini idols which make up most of her soldiery. Has a [[Dark Eldar|Murder Dick Shooter]] for a weapon. <br />
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* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
Currently Oil Tycoons that got involved in a crisis involving WMDS in hell. <br />
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* '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
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ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
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==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
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==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20130821191322/http://wgs.no-ip.org/trpg.pdf Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010114Touhou2026-04-10T00:21:46Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Setting */</p>
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<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
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{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
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Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
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For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
<br />
Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
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We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
<br />
=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place ===<br />
Youkai aren't allowed to kill humans living in Gensokyo, under penalty of [[blam]], but their nature as youkai means they ''have'' to threaten humans or risk fading away and there aren't very many humans to go around. But if the humans ever managed to purge the youkai menace the Gensokyo barrier would disappear and they would be trapped in the modern world, since the barrier was created with youkai energy. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why conflicts are resolved through [[Laser Cleric|ridiculous bullet spam]] rather than actual fights where the many retired gods and archdemons would just /win. Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai and humans (who can pack quite a spiritual punch here) can duel on more or less equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
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And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
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Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a lot of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent Touhoes follows (feel free to add your favourite 2hu, we know you want to):<br />
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*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is <s>an undead zombie</s> <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her abilities include flight, utter invincibility invoked when she feels like it (Fantasy Heaven), killing everyone with her balls, and overpoweredness, that's because ''she can fly away from reality'', hence making her utterly invulnerable, even against concept manipulators such as Yukari, in other words, if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default (Well, what did you expect? Japs consider a point of national pride making characters as OP as possible), exemplifying the concept of [[CoDzilla]] in D&D 3.5. or a 1++ Invulnerable Save/Eternal Warrior/It Will Not Die/Feels No Pain/Reanimation Protocols, all rolled in one, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c this video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. This is all balanced by the fact that she's generally a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to lazing around the shrine. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken bawl most likely]]<br />
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*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an ordinary magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. She's currently looking for a means of immortality, but all available methods aren't to her liking (she'd like to give it up when life gets boring).<br />
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*'''Mima''' is a sadly forgotten resident [[Lich]] when the series move to Windows from a long-dead Japanese computer line, and the one who taught Marisa nearly everything she knows. Gives no fucks and with even bigger ego than her student, she is basically [[Slayers|Naga to Marisa's Lina.]] Also one of the very few who is genuinely friends with Yuuka Kazami.<br />
<gallery><br />
The true Final Boss.PNG<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Chiyuri Kitashirakawa''' is a sailor uniform (a real one, not school one) wearing time traveler from the future who assists Yumemi in studying magic. Goes behind her boss's back by orchestrating a ploy for the inhabitants of Gensokyo to fight each, with the plan to kidnap the the last one standing and experiment on her. Also likes to smack people with steel chairs.<br />
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*'''Yumemi Okazaki''' is a time traveling professor from the future where the Grand Unified Theory was proven to be true, and now with her assistant Chiyuri tries to prove the existence of magic to the scientific community (for which she gets laughed at). May or may not be from the same future that Renko and Maribel live in, and might be their teacher as well.<br />
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*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower Youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god, but [[Old Ones|due to simply being that old.]] [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] [[Shota|Probable pedophile.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
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*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
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*'''Shinki''' is the Power who rules over her own hand-made plane of Makai (Demon Realm, not to be confused with the myriad of Japanese Hells) as its Mother-Goddess. She is also the closest being to the Capital-G God the setting has, and during the fight with the "heroes" got so worked up that she accidenly set the whole of Makai on fire. And last, but not least, she is Alice's doting stepmom.<br />
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*'''Cirno''' is <s>an intellectually-challenged fairy with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM |SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes, and can control ice. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! <s>Nobody knows how to pronounce her name.</s> It's pronounced "Cheer-no". Powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
<gallery><br />
Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives (actually her knife arsenal is limited; she canonically constantly stops time mid-fight just to pick up her discarded knives and resume like nothing has happened). Her race, origin, or how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
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*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> <s>Kurenai Misuzu</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' Head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Monk|Relies more on martial arts than magic]], to the extent where her ranged attacks are piddling at best, but makes up for it by being [[Khorne|an absolute beast in melee]]. Her "names" come from the fact that Chinese characters can be read differently in Japanese, and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
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*'''Remilia Scarlet''' vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first post-PC-98 Touhou game. Incredibly childish despite being ~500 years old and has another less-relevant loli vampire sister. Invaded the moon once. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
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*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked herself in a basement for 495 years due to temper issues. [[Celestial Orrery|Has the power to destroy by destroying eyes, everything has eyes]]. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]].<br />
<gallery><br />
FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is too soft, but the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is also very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Is canonically afraid of ghost stories despite serving one and living in the afterlife. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on. <br />
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*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
<gallery><br />
Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
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*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
<br />
*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a former chief of the [[oni]] (a demon-ogre, for those who don't know). Her hobbies involve drinking and fighing, usually both at once. Super flat-chested (which makes no sense considering here powers). Touhou has more than 1 guy character and Suika is still regarded as the flatest character [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU]. has the power to manipulate density, which somehow gives her the ability to [[Giant|grow gigantic]]...yet not give herself bigger boobs. Usually hangs around the Hakurei Shrine, but is said to own a chunk of Heaven she won from fucking up Tenshi Hinanawi's shit. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years. No, seriously, that's actual canon. [[Inquisitor|Surprisingly has enough intuition see through any of the Sages' plans even while drunk.]]<br />
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[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
<br />
*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
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*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
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[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
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*'''Tewi Inaba''' is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
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*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her . <br />
<br />
<br />
*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]], and Japanese dance crazes.<br />
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*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and drank a Hourai Exilir which made her immortal via locking her age for eternity, which is several magnitudes of impure to the Lunarian Society. With Eirin's help escaped to Earth, where she messed with and drove to suicide several hopeful suitors that tried to get into her pants, including Mokou's father. Gensokyo's resident neckbeard.<br />
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*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' [[Neckbeard|A grumpy human-turned-immortal living alone in the woods]] with a [[Book of Grudges|long grudge]] against the moon princess Kaguya. Can [[Sisters of Battle|control]] [[Salamanders|fire]]. <br />
<gallery><br />
9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
</gallery><br />
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* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Aya is one of the most prolific sources of lore however she is <s>not</s> a credible source of information as she is known to <s>lie</s> always tell the complete and unmolested truth.<br />
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* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
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*'''Komachi Onozuka''' is a local busty Grim Reaper/Charon equivalent. Lazy as fuck. Her official description of being "big, tall and huge" is usually taken as having canonically huge tits and ass. Her power is to "manipulate the distance between objects", useful for crossing infinite rivers or telefragging anything.<br />
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*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Short and flat chested. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer, judges you for your disgusting masturbation habits.<br />
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* '''Nitori Kappashiro''' youkai who likes to use her [[Adeptus Mechanicus|technological skills]] to get all kind of crazy gadgets, usually [[loot|by recycling items from the outside world]].<br />
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* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
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* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
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*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]].<br />
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*'''Parsee Mizuhashi''' is <s>a grumpy old troll, that lives under a bridge</s> the bridge princess "oni", she jealous at everyone and everything making her the biggest optimist on earth. Jealousy feeds her Choas style and it is said that Parsee-chan doesn't cry. May or may not be Yuugi's waifu(fanon). <br />
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*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
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*'''Byakuren Hijiri''' is the [[Mythology#Abrahamic_Mythology_.28Judaism.2C_Christianity.2C_Islam.29|Jesus]] of Gensokyo. She tried to obtain equal rights for youkai but was <s>crucified</s> sealed away for her transgressions. She has huge boobs. Since later games she has a [[lightsaber]] and a motorcycle which she uses to roll over her enemies (read Toyosatomimi no Miko), we wish the sororitas where this cool. Rumored to be acquainted with Shinki. Also an SJW.<br />
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*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
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*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
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*'''Seija Kijin''' is an amanojaku with the power to flip over stuff, from tables to perception to gravity, and she thinks opposite of what other people think. Basically, she is a contrarian [[That Guy]] or turbo-delinquent depending on how you feel about her.<br />
<gallery><br />
Kijin Seija Rope.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Sumireko Usami''' /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
<br />
*'''Doremy Sweet''' a Baku, (self-proclaimed) ruler of the dream world. Eats anon's dreams (and savors every bite). Is also a Doom Sheep Mecha Pilot, Pillow Tycoon, and a theme park manager. <br />
<br />
*'''Kishin Sagume''' is a moon bird, a single winged stork. She can reverse all except established facts with a word, every word. She's (eventually) proven to be the mastermind of Gensokyo's longest incident and almost led the relocation of the Lunar Capital in Gensokyo. May or may not be [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch]].<br />
<br />
*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
<br />
* '''Eternity Larva''' A butterfly fairy/incarnation of summer with an identity crisis. [[Mephet'ran|May or may not be a "dead" god biding her time]], and sworn enemy of Okina. Either way she's a contender to the title of "Strongest Fairy". <br />
<br />
* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
<br />
<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
</gallery> <br />
<br />
*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
<br />
*'''Chang'e''' is a [[Old Ones|frog goddess]] imprisoned on the moon, [[Just As Planned|ironically her imprisonment is what kept her alive]]. Her hobbies include being subject to grudges and watching,she always is, she's watching you right now. [[1984|'''CHANG'E IS WATCHING.''']]<br />
<br />
* <s>'''[[Emperor of Mankind|God Empress of Mudkind]]'''</s> '''Haniyasushin Keiki''' [[Emperor of Mankind|Clay god born from the decomposing remains of dead gods, summoned to the Beast World by human spirits <s>through ritual mass suicide</s>]]. [[Great Crusade|Ever since she has waged a war to liberate and unite the lost tribes of the spirit of man through battle with the Lords of the Beast World. To this effort she's been mass producing ceramic idols for soldiers, and gods to man them]]. Probably owns an STC. Fist fought a dragon once. <br />
<br />
* '''Joutouguu Mayumi''' Marshall of Keiki's armies, a Bandai Marine to the mini idols which make up most of her soldiery. Has a [[Dark Eldar|Murder Dick Shooter]] for a weapon. <br />
<br />
* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
Currently Oil Tycoons that got involved in a crisis involving WMDS in hell. <br />
<br />
* '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
<br />
ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20130821191322/http://wgs.no-ip.org/trpg.pdf Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Touhou&diff=1010097Touhou2026-04-09T04:28:27Z<p>Pachinko Man: </p>
<hr />
<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
<br />
{{topquote|[[Dakka|This game is Curtain Fire Shooting Game.]]<br>[[Meme|Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.]]<br>The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this mystery.|''Touhou Koumakyou ~ The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil'' loading screen}}<br />
[[Image:4Etouhou.jpg|thumb|right|Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the majority of the Touhou fanbase are [[powergamer|min-maxers]].]]<br />
The '''Touhou''' Project is a series of Japanese "[[dakka|danmaku]]" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. Only four things are known about ZUN: He is married, his favorite character (Aya), what he looks like, and that he loves beer. The more you learn about Touhou the more you will realize how much ZUN drinks. (That's how it was anyway. As Touhou got more popular and ZUN started cashing in, online detectives found his secret identity: Jun'ya Ota, a former sound programmer for Taito.) The series is known for its almost entirely female cast of characters, and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. Whence came the [[Touhou Power Cards]] for [[4e]] [[Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's also known for its kickass music and ZUN's [[OGL|very liberal policy toward fanworks]]; as long as you aren't trying to turn a profit (or at least ask permission and make sure he gets a cut) anything goes.<br />
<br />
Once upon a time fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou, as long as it was kept from taking over the thread, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the [[Mod|janitor]]'s bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and [[wat|ban evasion]].<br />
<br />
For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting [http://zip.4chan.org/jp/imgboard.html /jp/], considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
Despite being largely an excuse to compose music and draw frilly dresses, Touhou has developed a surprisingly deep setting over time through ZUN's developer notes and eventually a long series of officially-licensed [[Manga|mangos]].<br />
<br />
Long ago, youkai and other mythical creatures ruled the land. As science advanced, [[Mage: The Ascension|people eventually stopped believing in them, and a youkai nobody believes in quickly disappears]]. The most powerful of the remaining youkai got together and formed a pact with some humans to seal themselves away in a pocket universe where they could escape from consensus reality and survive as they always had. This is Gensokyo, the Land of Illusion where the Touhou games take place.<br />
<br />
We actually have a rough idea of where Gensokyo "is" in relation to the real world: [[Wikipedia:Lake Suwa|Lake Suwa]] and [[Wikipedia:Yatsugatake Mountains|Mount Yatsugatake]] (from before it was torn apart by a pissed-off goddess) are both confirmed to be inside the barrier. Occasionally things and people will fall through the barrier and appear in Gensokyo temporarily, and anything that's been abandoned or forgotten by the outside world tends to wind up there sooner or later.<br />
<br />
=== Why Gensokyo is a terrible place to live ===<br />
Youkai do have a general agreement not to cause trouble for humans, but they can't be completely safe either. Their nature as "youkai" means they HAVE to be dangerous, but not so much that they utterly deplete the human population or destablize Gensokyo. Enter the Spell Card system, the in-universe explanation for why so many characters have game-breaking abilities that they don't just use to insta-win, and instead rely on [[Dakka|spamming magical bullets]]: Duels of beauty in battle, of styles over substance. Youkai can cause mischief and cause chaos, but killing is generally not allowed, so they duel on equal terms, and the loser follows the winner.<br />
<br />
And so it goes. The series follows the trials of incredibly lazy yet broken shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and her definitely not ordinary best friend, the thieving magician Marisa Kirisame as they solve "incidents" via superior magical firepower in order to protect their carefree life in Gensokyo. <br />
<br />
Notable places outside of Gensokyo are the Netherworld (where ghosts waiting for reincarnation reside), Heaven (which has closed its doors to outsiders supposedly due to being at capacity, but really its because Celestials are selfish fucks), Hell (which doesn't really torture sinners due to lack of budget and now mainly sells souvenirs) , Former Hell (Now inhabited by Youkai too nasty for Gensokyo after all the sinners and Department of Right and Wrong employees moved out), the Moon (inhabited by racist cunts nobody likes but are too overpowered for anybody to do anything about), and the Animal Realm (which is divided between Yakuza gang wars with animal spirits and a cyberpunk dystopia where human spirits are controlled by Haniwa robots).<br />
<br />
==Characters==<br />
Touhou characters are often referred to as Touhoes, Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced), 2hous or 2hus. There are a lot of characters - according to the [http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Category:Characters Touhou wiki], over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent Touhoes follows (feel free to add your favourite 2hu, we know you want to):<br />
<br />
*'''Reimu Hakurei''' is <s>an undead zombie</s> <s>a red-white miko</s> a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her abilities include flight, utter invincibility invoked when she feels like it (Fantasy Heaven), killing everyone with her balls, and overpoweredness, that's because ''she can fly away from reality'', hence making her utterly invulnerable, even against concept manipulators such as Yukari, in other words, if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default (Well, what did you expect? Japs consider a point of national pride making characters as OP as possible), exemplifying the concept of [[CoDzilla]] in D&D 3.5. or a 1++ Invulnerable Save/Eternal Warrior/It Will Not Die/Feels No Pain/Reanimation Protocols, all rolled in one, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0olHGxIH94c this video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up]. This is all balanced by the fact that she's generally a lazy ass who doesn't want to take things seriously. She can barely take care of herself, is always broke, and [[Derp|despite being a shrine maiden she doesn't even know who her God is]]. Still, even her usual power level is good enough to dominate most fights, and afterwards she goes back to lazing around the shrine. <br />
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[[File:Big Suika .jpg|thumb|Typical drunken bawl most likely]]<br />
<br />
*'''Marisa Kirisame''' is <s>a black-white witch</s> an ordinary magician who has the biggest lesbian harem known to mankind. She is the other main character of the series. She stole Alice's [[Dranon's delight|precious thing]], along with [[Blood Ravens|anything else not nailed down.]] Her specialty in combat is [[C.S. Goto|spamming tons of multilazors]]. She's currently looking for a means of immortality, but all available methods aren't to her liking (she'd like to give it up when life gets boring).<br />
<br />
*'''Mima''' is a sadly forgotten resident [[Lich]] when the series move to Windows from a long-dead Japanese computer line, and the one who taught Marisa nearly everything she knows. Gives no fucks and with even bigger ego than her student, she is basically [[Slayers|Naga to Marisa's Lina.]] Also one of the very few who is genuinely friends with Yuuka Kazami.<br />
<gallery><br />
The true Final Boss.PNG<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Chiyuri Kitashirakawa''' is a sailor uniform (a real one, not school one) wearing time traveler from the future who assists Yumemi in studying magic. Goes behind her boss's back by orchestrating a ploy for the inhabitants of Gensokyo to fight each, with the plan to kidnap the the last one standing and experiment on her. Also likes to smack people with steel chairs.<br />
<br />
*'''Yumemi Okazaki''' is a time traveling professor from the future where the Grand Unified Theory was proven to be true, and now with her assistant Chiyuri tries to prove the existence of magic to the scientific community (for which she gets laughed at). May or may not be from the same future that Renko and Maribel live in, and might be their teacher as well.<br />
<br />
*'''Yuuka Kazami''' the flower Youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo, not due to being inherently powerful as a divine spirit or god, but [[Old Ones|due to simply being that old.]] [[Meme|Also known as the Ultimate Sadistic Being]]. [[Meme|Thinks Genocide is just another game regardless of species.]] [[Shota|Probable pedophile.]] She is the original user of the Master Spark spell, a fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, [[Blood Ravens|Marisa stole that too.]] [[Drycha|Harm flowers within her presence at your own peril]].<br />
<br />
*'''Alice Margatroid''', when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like [[Warhammer 40k|certain]] fa/tg/uys. One of the few PC-98 era characters to make the transition to the Windows engine.<br />
<br />
*'''Shinki''' is the Power who rules over her own hand-made plane of Makai (Demon Realm, not to be confused with the myriad of Japanese Hells) as its Mother-Goddess. She is also the closest being to the Capital-G God the setting has, and during the fight with the "heroes" got so worked up that she accidenly set the whole of Makai on fire. And last, but not least, she is Alice's doting stepmom.<br />
<br />
*'''Cirno''' is <s>an intellectually-challenged fairy with an ego problem</s> the <b><i>[[Homestuck|STORNGEST]]</i></b> and <b><i>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wFDWP5JwSM |SMARTEST]</i></b> of all the Touhoes, and can control ice. <s>Commoner level weak</s> a commoner can't launch a machine-gun's worth of icicles at your position and fly! <s>Nobody knows how to pronounce her name.</s> It's pronounced "Cheer-no". Powerful enough to be a playable character in Hidden Star in Four Seasons, and all she had to do was get a tan.<br />
<gallery><br />
Cirno.JPG<br />
9-Im an expert.JPG<br />
Tan cirno tan by lublimilim db8fw95-fullview.jpg|Note that's not a suntan. Her power is currently cooking her inside out.<br />
Armored core nineball, end up with cirno anyway.jpeg|Type nine-ball will lead to [[Armored Core]] or Cirno<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Patchouli Knowledge''' is a pajama-wearing, century-old, [[Vancian]] wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and her magical experiments involve handling chemicals like arsenic and mercury, hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like [[Raistlin Majere]], despite being an ageless immortal. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Sakuya_Izayoi|Sakuya Izayoi]]''' is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives (actually her knife arsenal is limited; she canonically constantly stops time mid-fight just to pick up her discarded knives and resume like nothing has happened). Her race, origin, or how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown, though common theories include being a vampire hunter, Jack the Ripper (notably one of her spell cards), a former Lunarian, or a combination of all three. May or may not be a female [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Dio Brando]] in an alternate universe. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0. Honorary member of the [[Ordo Chronos]], or what is left of it.<br />
<br />
*'''<s>Hong Meiling</s> <s>Kurenai Misuzu</s> [[Meme|CHINA]]''' Head gate guard and gardener (guardener?) of the Scarlet Mansion, and colleague of the above-mentioned Patchouli and Sakuya. Often caught sleeping on the job. [[Monk|Relies more on martial arts than magic]], to the extent where her ranged attacks are piddling at best, but makes up for it by being [[Khorne|an absolute beast in melee]]. Her "names" come from the fact that Chinese characters can be read differently in Japanese, and the fanbase couldn't agree on what reading to use.<br />
<br />
*'''Remilia Scarlet''' vampire loli (loli compared to other 2hus, and that's saying something) who may or may not have the power to manipulate fate. Lives in a giant mansion and is the final boss of the first post-PC-98 Touhou game. Incredibly childish despite being ~500 years old and has another less-relevant loli vampire sister. Invaded the moon once. Would be a [[Von Carstein]] if she lived in the Warhammer universe. <br />
<br />
*'''Flandre Scarlet''' Remilia's younger sister who was locked herself in a basement for 495 years due to temper issues. [[Celestial Orrery|Has the power to destroy by destroying eyes, everything has eyes]]. Has [[Awesome|multicolored crystal wings]].<br />
<gallery><br />
FlanvMeteor.jpg|Meteors have eyes<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Youmu Konpaku''' is too soft, but the things that her [[masterwork bastard sword]] cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is also very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe. Is canonically afraid of ghost stories despite serving one and living in the afterlife. Gullible, half-baked, incredibly prone to being dumped on. <br />
<br />
*'''Yuyuko Saigyouji''' is the princess of the underworld, and is able to kill anybody, save literal immortals, by thinking at them. [[Tyranids|Always hungry.]] Youmu is her vessel, thinks her ghost half looks fluffy and delicious. Literally stole the season of spring from the mortal world in order to try and make her backyard tree bloom so she could regain her lost memories, unaware that she actually killed herself in order to seal away the great evil inside it.<br />
<gallery><br />
Yuyuko eating.jpg<br />
Yuyuko Yukari the Enabler.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Yukari Yakumo''' the Gap Hag has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, and godlike boundary powers based around "Gaps"]], but would rather laze around and let Reimu do the heavy lifting. She is the DM of Gensokyo. Rumor has it there is [[Arseplomancer|no hole she would not enter]]. Also known to be a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_q7-FzrnaA railroad] terrorist.<br />
**'''Ran Yakumo''' is Yukari's 10% [[furry]] familiar. ([[Kitsune|70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff]]). When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.<br />
**'''Chen''' is Ran's catgirl familiar (yes, Yukari is so <s>old</s> powerful, [[Meme|her familiar has a familiar]]). Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay. <br />
<br />
*'''Suika Ibuki''' is a former chief of the [[oni]] (a demon-ogre, for those who don't know). Her hobbies involve drinking and fighing, usually both at once. Super flat-chested (which makes no sense considering here powers). Touhou has more than 1 guy character and Suika is still regarded as the flatest character [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX050NcDNAU]. has the power to manipulate density, which somehow gives her the ability to [[Giant|grow gigantic]]...yet not give herself bigger boobs. Usually hangs around the Hakurei Shrine, but is said to own a chunk of Heaven she won from fucking up Tenshi Hinanawi's shit. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years. No, seriously, that's actual canon. [[Inquisitor|Surprisingly has enough intuition see through any of the Sages' plans even while drunk.]]<br />
<br />
[[File:938942c45242b57d2dda2fa5c4e8ff87.png|thumb|https://youtu.be/KIq9f3kW1cA?t=187|She's been to Heaven, Hell and everything in Between]]<br />
<br />
*'''Yuugi Hoshiguma''' is Gensokyo's resident [[Muscle Wizard]]. She can best be described as [[Kord]]/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. <s>Some</s> <b>MANLY</b> Depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki. Also the current 'chief' of the underground Oni.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Rogal Dorn|Kasen Ibaraki]]''' is a mysterious girl who possesses an arm made of shadow. Said arm can completely disintegrate evil spirits, removing them from the cycle of reincarnation. Currently looking for her original arm while disguised as a Hermit. <s>Most likely</s> An Oni and confirmed to be a [[admin|sage]] of Gensokyo. [[Tyranids|Most often seen eating]]. Probably raised by Suika. Oh and she owns a lot of animals. <br />
<br />
*'''Matara Okina''' is a hidden god of Gensokyo specializing in minmaxing and bards (or the boss of bard gods anyway). She is the "opposite" to the tengu and is a goddess capable of "promoting and demoting" creatures and even objects into higher stages of being. Her main power is the manipulation of the back door, [[Arseplomancer|and we mean every back door.]]<br />
<br />
[[File:Sages.jpg|thumb|High Lords of Gensokyo]] <br />
<br />
*'''Tewi Inaba''' is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved [[what|quantum immortality]] through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans, of which Reisen is the most frequent victim.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Touhou/4e_stats/Reisen_Inaba|Reisen Udongein Inaba]]''' is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his [[Space Marines|SPEHSS MAHREENS]] were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the [[/a/]] parts of [[/k/]], and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why. Kicked a [[Tzeentch|Lunar god's]] ass, Junko likes her . <br />
<br />
<br />
*'''Eirin Yagokoro''' [[Fabius Bile|deals in shady drugs of questionable origins and experiments on poor Reisen]], and Japanese dance crazes.<br />
<br />
*'''Kaguya Houraisan''' is a former Princess of the Moon who got bored of the so-called perfect life on the Lunar Capital and drank a Hourai Exilir which made her immortal via locking her age for eternity, which is several magnitudes of impure to the Lunarian Society. With Eirin's help escaped to Earth, where she messed with and drove to suicide several hopeful suitors that tried to get into her pants, including Mokou's father. Gensokyo's resident neckbeard.<br />
<br />
*'''Fujiwara no Mokou''' [[Neckbeard|A grumpy human-turned-immortal living alone in the woods]] with a [[Book of Grudges|long grudge]] against the moon princess Kaguya. Can [[Sisters of Battle|control]] [[Salamanders|fire]]. <br />
<gallery><br />
9b8f1cad8bcde23f8eccecc0bd8de407.jpeg<br />
Mokou vs Kaguya.png| You can imagine how graphic a "friendly" daily Deathmatch can be between two immortals. <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
* '''Aya Shameimaru''' Superfast crow tengu. She is so strong she sometimes accidentally beats people up. Aya is one of the most prolific sources of lore however she is <s>not</s> a credible source of information as she is known to <s>lie</s> always tell the complete and unmolested truth.<br />
<br />
* '''Momiji Inubashiri''' The most minor character in the entire series, initially literally nothing but a throwaway stage 4 miniboss with just a little bit of in-game lore that said she was a white wolf tengu. However, since Touhou Project at the time lacked a dog girl, the fandom ''absolutely ate her up'', gaining probably the biggest fanon-to-canon ratio of the entire series. ZUN eventually gave her a couple winks by showing her in cameos on the spinoff mangas, commissioning an official art of her for an artbook (which removes her long-established dog ears, but nobody cared) and describing her in a little more detail in official spinoff print works. [[/pol/]] adopted her with a MAGA hat as one of their resident memes. [[Meme|AWOOOOOOOOOOO.]]<br />
<br />
*'''Komachi Onozuka''' is a local busty Grim Reaper/Charon equivalent. Lazy as fuck. Her official description of being "big, tall and huge" is usually taken as having canonically huge tits and ass. Her power is to "manipulate the distance between objects", useful for crossing infinite rivers or telefragging anything.<br />
<br />
*'''Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu''' is the judge of the dead. Short and flat chested. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer, judges you for your disgusting masturbation habits.<br />
<br />
* '''Nitori Kappashiro''' youkai who likes to use her [[Adeptus Mechanicus|technological skills]] to get all kind of crazy gadgets, usually [[loot|by recycling items from the outside world]].<br />
<br />
* '''Sanae Kochiya''': The Luigi to Reimu's Mario, the Shrine Maiden of the rival Moriya Shrine. Is actually a [[Isekai|human from the outside world who immigrated to Gensokyo]]. Eccentric even by Gensokyo's standards, claiming that "common sense isn't needed in Gensokyo", which naturally leads the fandom to portray her as either a ditzy slut or a psychotic murderer.<br />
<br />
* '''Kanako Yasaka''': The goddess of the Moriya Shrine and Sanae's boss. Having lived most of her life in the Outside World, she seeks to modernize Gensokyo, often leading to accidentally causing incidents (like feeding a dead sun god to a raven in order to power a fusion reactor, not realizing she just literally gave a nuke to a retard).<br />
<br />
*'''<s>Chiquita Dragonforce</s> Tenshi Hinanawi''' is a <s>dragon</s> celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic [[Holy Avenger]] with the ability to shoot [[multilasers]].<br />
<br />
*'''Parsee Mizuhashi''' is <s>a grumpy old troll, that lives under a bridge</s> the bridge princess "oni", she jealous at everyone and everything making her the biggest optimist on earth. Jealousy feeds her Choas style and it is said that Parsee-chan doesn't cry. May or may not be Yuugi's waifu(fanon). <br />
<br />
*'''Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji''' a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTpJJAraG8 there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!]<br />
<br />
*'''Byakuren Hijiri''' is the [[Mythology#Abrahamic_Mythology_.28Judaism.2C_Christianity.2C_Islam.29|Jesus]] of Gensokyo. She tried to obtain equal rights for youkai but was <s>crucified</s> sealed away for her transgressions. She has huge boobs. Since later games she has a [[lightsaber]] and a motorcycle which she uses to roll over her enemies (read Toyosatomimi no Miko), we wish the sororitas where this cool. Rumored to be acquainted with Shinki. Also an SJW.<br />
<br />
*'''Toyosatomimi no Miko''' used to be the ruler of Japan but attempted to achieve immortality [[fail|by drinking mercury]], this forced her to go through a ritual to cheat death, [[Emprah|unfortunately she got stuck in her mausoleum for a couple of centuries]], now that she is back she is considering to become the ruler of Gensokyo as she thinks she is the most qualified for the job, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|thinks Gensokyo must be wiped out of Youkais as humans may be the only ones allowed to live]], in spite of this, when one youkai (technically her daughter) lost her mask of hope (long story) she crafted her one on her own image, because she wanted to become Gensokyo's people hope, may be the missing daughter of [[Roboute Guilliman]].<br />
<br />
*'''Mamizou Futatsuiwa''' a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, <s>so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch</s> as of Urban Legend in Limbo she became a Man in Black and has an alien collection, so now we're sure that she's actually an acolyte of [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]].<br />
<br />
*'''Seija Kijin''' is an amanojaku with the power to flip over stuff, from tables to perception to gravity, and she thinks opposite of what other people think. Basically, she is a contrarian [[That Guy]] or turbo-delinquent depending on how you feel about her.<br />
<gallery><br />
Kijin Seija Rope.jpeg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
*'''Sumireko Usami''' /x/ [[psyker]] schoolgirl from the outside world, and one of the few humans who knows about Gensokyo, puts in motion a complicated plot to infiltrate the land of fantasy, everyone in Gensokyo disliked such a maneuver and lined up to bully her, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|nevertheless she manages to beat them back (quite remarkable considering how OP the denizens of Gensokyo are), thinking she will eventually get killed she goes kamikaze using her own life-power to take down Gensokyo's barrier and reveal it to the outside world so she can be avenged]], Reimu manages to stop her and returns Sumireko to the outside world, after that Sumireko learns she can use astral projection to visit Gensokyo, everyone is happy as she can tell them the last posts in 4chan and CNN without making too much fuss. Among her gadgets, Sumireko has a magic tablet, zener cards, and a 3D-printed gun capable to punch through enemy 2hous like it has AP1.<br />
<br />
*'''Doremy Sweet''' a Baku, (self-proclaimed) ruler of the dream world. Eats anon's dreams (and savors every bite). Is also a Doom Sheep Mecha Pilot, Pillow Tycoon, and a theme park manager. <br />
<br />
*'''Kishin Sagume''' is a moon bird, a single winged stork. She can reverse all except established facts with a word, every word. She's (eventually) proven to be the mastermind of Gensokyo's longest incident and almost led the relocation of the Lunar Capital in Gensokyo. May or may not be [[Tzeentch|Tzeentch]].<br />
<br />
*'''[[Cegorach|Clownpiece]]''' 'murican fairy from hell who invaded (Read:Played Around, Lunarians make Eldar look welcoming) the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved). Wears the Amercian flag as a dress solely to troll and trigger the Lunarians PTSD of PRIMARCH NEIL ARMSTRONG and his SPESS MEHREENS who dirtied the purity of the Moon by planting a flag on it. Honouring the American practice of [[Imperial Guard|overwhelming firepower]] and [[Chaos|driving people insane]], she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she <s>decided</s> was ordered to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.<br />
<br />
* '''Eternity Larva''' A butterfly fairy/incarnation of summer with an identity crisis. [[Mephet'ran|May or may not be a "dead" god biding her time]], and sworn enemy of Okina. Either way she's a contender to the title of "Strongest Fairy". <br />
<br />
* <s>'''[[Khorne]]'''</s> '''Junko''' Formerly a happily married mother of a sun, now a [[World Eaters|very]], [[Black Templars|very]], [[Valkia the Bloody|very]], ''[[Angron|very]]'', '''[[Skarbrand|very]]''', '''''[[Sigismund|very]]''''', '''''[[Blood Angels|VERY]]''''' angry [[Old Ones|Divine Spirit]] of [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Pure Grudge]] who hates the Lunarians alot. Her ability is the power to purify anything, and has used it to the point of purifying herself into grudge incarnate. She's mostly known for being angry, unleashing incredibly insane [[Imperial Guard|walls of light]], looking like Okina and being great with kids. '''TL:DR: [[Angry Marines|Always Angry, All The Time]]'''.<br />
<br />
<gallery> <br />
File:Th15SC082.jpg|thumb|No art, no elegance, she just really wants you dead<br />
Old Woman Yells at Moon.JPG<br />
</gallery> <br />
<br />
*'''Hecatia Lapislazuli''' THE Goddess(es?) of hell, crossroads, dogs, ghosts, planets, trivia, sorcery, magic, <s>/x/</s> and death metal. She's [[Adeptus Arbites|Eiki Shiki's]] [[High Lords of Terra|boss]]. In addition to her designation as a goddess and rank in hell, she has [[Mod|unfair, extremely vague, redundant, god powers]]. Most importantly however she's Junko's friend and Clownpiece's <s>mom</s> boss. While usually a good sport, she does not take insulting her clothing lightly. <br />
<br />
*'''Chang'e''' is a [[Old Ones|frog goddess]] imprisoned on the moon, [[Just As Planned|ironically her imprisonment is what kept her alive]]. Her hobbies include being subject to grudges and watching,she always is, she's watching you right now. [[1984|'''CHANG'E IS WATCHING.''']]<br />
<br />
* <s>'''[[Emperor of Mankind|God Empress of Mudkind]]'''</s> '''Haniyasushin Keiki''' [[Emperor of Mankind|Clay god born from the decomposing remains of dead gods, summoned to the Beast World by human spirits <s>through ritual mass suicide</s>]]. [[Great Crusade|Ever since she has waged a war to liberate and unite the lost tribes of the spirit of man through battle with the Lords of the Beast World. To this effort she's been mass producing ceramic idols for soldiers, and gods to man them]]. Probably owns an STC. Fist fought a dragon once. <br />
<br />
* '''Joutouguu Mayumi''' Marshall of Keiki's armies, a Bandai Marine to the mini idols which make up most of her soldiery. Has a [[Dark Eldar|Murder Dick Shooter]] for a weapon. <br />
<br />
* '''Yorigami Jo'on''' and '''Yorigami Shion''' are the self-proclaimed "Most Despicable and Disastrous Sisters", a pair of deities who act as con artists. Shion has the power to make people poor, resulting in her being poor too (naturally, this means she did briefly live with Reimu). Jo'on has the ability to force people to spend their wealth (or she just beats the shit out of them with her bare hands while Shion collects all the gold that drops out of them), which she uses to scam people out of money only to immediately spend it all herself. After being defeated, Shion ends up joining up with Tenshi because she's the only person immune to her bad luck powers, while Jo'on briefly reforms as a member of Myouren Temple and vows to live a honest life before quickly getting bored and turning back to her criminal ways.<br />
Currently Oil Tycoons that got involved in a crisis involving WMDS in hell. <br />
<br />
* '''Rinnosuke''' is the only male major character in the series. Thus he is usually depicted in fanworks as either a harem anime protagonist or a disgusting sex pervert. In truth, his character is more of a pretentious pseudointellectual, owning a store which is constantly failing due to his refusal to sell anything actually valuable he owns. He is a half-human half-youkai with the ability to determine an items function, which given the vague descriptions he gets and him being not as smart as he thinks he is often results in dramatic misinterpretations (for instance, thinking a Game Boy was a superweapon capable of creating and destroying universes due to his ability [[Troll|not telling him the worlds it creates aren't real]]). <br />
<br />
ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly [[hats]] on his [[loli|lolis]] leads to persistent [[brits|rumours]] that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as [[NEET|Kaguya Houraisan]], [[Druid|Yuka Kazami]], or [[Cleric|Byakuren]] Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin [[artist|artists]], some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own [[DFC|exactly]] [[loli|what]] [[Hot Chicks|physiques]] the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
*[[Touhou Power Cards]]<br />
*[[Touhou Danmaku Yuugi Flowers RPG]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://touhouwiki.net Touhou Wiki, where you can read up on stuff.]<br />
*<s>[http://walfas.org/flash/create.swf Flash doohickey used to create your own touhou, useful for all touhou parties.]</s> Victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
*<s>[http://dagobah.biz/flash/Tsurupettan.swf PETTAN PETTAN TSURUPETTAN]</s> Another victim of the Great Flash Purge<br />
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrmKBWoyfs Alternately, Youtube!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1E2nN5Fwzk Why each and every Touhoe is a terrible person and should feel bad]<br />
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20130821191322/http://wgs.no-ip.org/trpg.pdf Touhou RPG: Tale of Phantasmal Land, a Touhou RPG created by some fa/tg/uy.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpfZSFQpzvY Touhou fandom gets shit done] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzEUeWnV73U Say Bad Apple again! I dare you! I double-dare you!](Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoUCI0WcVI0 Touhou even has its own racing themes] (Link Broken)<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxxyRNNspLE And apparently a giant robo series]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTxURGwu98 We wish the Ultramarines film had this much action.]<br />
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w337ij3wtXA Touhou fanime.]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Touhou_Discworld.jpg|Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of [[Discworld]], but it would be awesome if it did.<br />
Image:Inquisitor Alice.JPG|The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.<br />
Image:TouhouSharks.jpg|There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.<br />
Image:Touhou CONSUMED.JPG|Take it easy.<br />
Image:Touhou lazors.jpg|Touhou is made of girls and lasers.<br />
Image:Moot_says_ironic_badness_is_badness_nonetheless.png<br />
Image:Touhou_Hijack_Original.jpg|Bet you'd never see this again, huh?<br />
Image:Touhou_Project_Official_Read-Play_Order.png|The pseudo-official order in which you (you!) should play and read Touhou-related works, as of 2016.<br />
Image:Cat Painting.jpg|Corpse Emperor Loving Cat<br />
Final Stag Boss meeting.PNG<br />
Them's Fighting Words.JPG| this is why we fight<br />
Free Guard dog.JPG <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
[[Category:Not related]][[Category:Weeaboo]] [[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies&diff=1010038Approved Movies2026-04-07T16:10:00Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Comedy */</p>
<hr />
<div>== Action ==<br />
<br />
* '''Riddick series'''<br />
* '''Batman Begins, The Dark Knight'''<br />
* '''Die Hard'''<br />
* '''Kill Bill'''<br />
* '''Lethal Weapon series'''<br />
* '''Predator'''<br />
* '''James Bond series'''<br />
* '''Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl'''<br />
* '''The Rocketeer'''<br />
* '''Aliens'''<br />
* '''Captain Blood'''<br />
* '''The Transporter'''<br />
* '''Mad Max series'''<br />
* '''Escape from New York'''<br />
* '''John Wick'''<br />
<br />
== Comedy ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Big Lebowski''': Farcical love letter to Raymond Chandler. Except instead of an intrepid PI our heroes are a shiftless slacker and his bowling group. Endlessly quotable, and important background for one [[Old Man Henderson]].<br />
*'''Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker:''' Not a series but a team of three directors known for some incredibly funny spoofs of: disaster flicks (''Airplane!''), spy movies (''Top Secret!'') and police procedurals (''The Naked Gun'') that pretty much defined the genre spoof format for the next 30 or so years, until less competent writers ran it into the ground. Known for casting "serious" actors like Robert Stack and Leslie Nielsen, who could deliver even the most absurd lines without a hint of irony.<br />
* '''Blazing Saddles''': Western spoof from the great Mel Brooks and a vulgar, anachronistic, fourth-wall-breaking riot. A corrupt attorney general needs a town removed so he can sell the land to a railroad company, so he has a black man appointed sheriff knowing the racist townsfolk will tear him and the town apart. Or so he thinks. Billed as "a 1974 story in 1874", this is probably the most times you will ever hear the word "nigger" outside of an imageboard and none of it feels gratuitous.<br />
* '''The Blues Brothers'''<br />
* '''Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II'''<br />
* '''Back to the Future series'''<br />
* '''Monty Python'''<br />
* '''Pulp Fiction'''<br />
* '''Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'''<br />
* '''The Gamers trilogy'''<br />
* '''Snatch'''<br />
* '''Tropic Thunder'''<br />
* '''Spaceballs'''<br />
* '''Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure'''<br />
* '''Attack the Gas Station'''<br />
<br />
== Drama ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Godfather'''<br />
* '''Battles Without Honor and Humanity series'''<br />
* '''Gone with the Wind'''<br />
* '''Resevoir Dogs'''<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'''<br />
<br />
== Fantasy ==<br />
<br />
* '''Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja'''<br />
* '''Highlander'''<br />
* '''Clash of the Titans'''<br />
* '''The Beastmaster'''<br />
* '''Big Trouble in Little China'''<br />
* '''Hellboy'''<br />
* '''Fire and Ice'''<br />
* '''Wizards'''<br />
* '''How to Train Your Dragon'''<br />
* '''Jason and the Argonauts'''<br />
* '''Labyrinth'''<br />
* '''Atlantis: The Lost Empire'''<br />
* '''The Nightmare Before Christmas'''<br />
* '''The Princess Bride'''<br />
* '''The Black Cauldron'''<br />
<br />
== Horror ==<br />
<br />
* '''Alien'''<br />
* '''John Carpenter's The Thing'''<br />
* '''The Fly''': Why you don't fuck with teleporters: the movie. A masterclass in body horror, the ending will haunt your nightmares for years to come.<br />
* '''H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator'''<br />
* '''Evil Dead series'''<br />
* '''Psycho'''<br />
* '''Invasion of the Body Snatchers'''<br />
* '''Jaws'''<br />
* '''House'''<br />
* '''Event Horizon'''<br />
* '''Eraserhead'''<br />
* '''The Cabin in the Woods'''<br />
* '''The Crow'''<br />
* '''"Dead" series'''<br />
<br />
== War ==<br />
<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''All Quiet on the Western Front'''<br />
* '''The Bridge Over the River Kwai'''<br />
* '''Full Metal Jacket'''<br />
* '''Saving Private Ryan'''<br />
* '''Das Boot''': One of the most expensive films in the history of German cinema, a psuedo-autobiographical account of a German U-boat crew in 1941. Based on a historical fiction novel by a war journalist under the Third Reich with surviving crewmen as consultants, so it's as much about fighting boredom and the deep-seated turmoil within the Kriegsmarine as attacking the Allies. The uncut edition (intended to be televised in three parts) weighs in at five hours and is worth every minute.<br />
<br />
== Western ==<br />
<br />
* '''Dollars series:''' Seminal "trilogy" (connected only by cast and crew) directed by Sergio Leone. "A Fistful of Dollars" is an unauthorized remake of the Japanese classic ''Yojimbo'' (also approved) while "For a Few Dollars More" and "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" are stock adventure plots held together by outstanding soundtracks, cinematography and the acting skill of one Clint Eastwood. Mandatory viewing for any Western campaign that takes itself remotely seriously, or any campaign with a heavy focus on murderhoboing. Almost singlehandedly responsible for replacing the romantic image of the Old West enshrined by Hollywood with lawlessness, corruption and amoral antiheroes.<br />
* '''3:10 to Yuma'''<br />
* '''Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'''<br />
* '''True Grit'''<br />
* '''Tombstone'''<br />
* '''Rango'''<br />
* '''Django Unchained'''<br />
<br />
== Science Fiction ==<br />
<br />
* '''[[Star Wars]]''': Duh. Original trilogy only, and get the unauthorized 4K remasters from before Lucas fucked with it by Team Negative 1 if at all possible; prequels and ''Rogue One'' if you crave more, everything else is strictly if you hate yourself.<br />
* '''Planet of the Apes'''<br />
* '''Heavy Metal'''<br />
* '''RoboCop'''<br />
* '''The Terminator series'''<br />
* '''2001: A Space Odyssey'''<br />
* '''Black Magic M-66'''<br />
* '''Iron Sky'''<br />
* '''The Day the Earth Stood Still'''<br />
* '''Blade Runner'''<br />
* '''The Andromeda Strain'''<br />
* '''Dark Star'''<br />
* '''[[Judge Dredd]]'''<br />
* '''Men in Black'''<br />
* '''Ghost in the Shell'''<br />
* '''Pacific Rim'''<br />
* [[Starship Troopers|'''Starship Troopers''']]<br />
* '''Stargate'''<br />
* '''THX 1138'''<br />
* '''Time Cop'''<br />
* '''Titan AE'''<br />
* '''The Transformers: The Movie'''<br />
* '''Westworld'''<br />
<br />
== Pure Schlock ==<br />
<br />
* '''Blade series'''<br />
* '''Wild, Wild, West'''<br />
* '''The 25th Reich''': At one point in this independent strayan movie Nazi officer gets sodomized by a giant robot spider teleported in by a flying metal swastika. If that isn't enough to get you to tune in, I don't know what will.<br />
* '''Kung Fury'''<br />
* '''This Island Earth'''<br />
* '''Manos... the hands of fate?'''</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies&diff=1010036Approved Movies2026-04-07T12:15:50Z<p>Pachinko Man: </p>
<hr />
<div>== Action ==<br />
<br />
* '''Riddick series'''<br />
* '''Batman Begins, The Dark Knight'''<br />
* '''Die Hard'''<br />
* '''Kill Bill'''<br />
* '''Lethal Weapon series'''<br />
* '''Predator'''<br />
* '''James Bond series'''<br />
* '''Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl'''<br />
* '''The Rocketeer'''<br />
* '''Aliens'''<br />
* '''Captain Blood'''<br />
* '''The Transporter'''<br />
* '''Mad Max series'''<br />
* '''Escape from New York'''<br />
* '''John Wick'''<br />
<br />
== Comedy ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Big Lebowski'''<br />
*'''Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker:''' Not a series but a team of three directors known for some incredibly funny spoofs of: disaster flicks (''Airplane!''), spy movies (''Top Secret!'') and police procedurals (''The Naked Gun'') that pretty much defined comedy flicks for the next 30 or so years. Known for casting "serious" actors like Robert Stack and Leslie Nielsen who can deliver even the most absurd lines without a hint of irony.<br />
* '''Blazing Saddles'''<br />
* '''The Blues Brothers'''<br />
* '''Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II'''<br />
* '''Back to the Future series'''<br />
* '''Monty Python'''<br />
* '''Pulp Fiction'''<br />
* '''Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'''<br />
* '''The Gamers trilogy'''<br />
* '''Snatch'''<br />
* '''Tropic Thunder'''<br />
* '''Spaceballs'''<br />
* '''Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure'''<br />
* '''Attack the Gas Station'''<br />
<br />
== Drama ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Godfather'''<br />
* '''Battles Without Honor and Humanity series'''<br />
* '''Gone with the Wind'''<br />
* '''Resevoir Dogs'''<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'''<br />
<br />
== Fantasy ==<br />
<br />
* '''Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja'''<br />
* '''Highlander'''<br />
* '''Clash of the Titans'''<br />
* '''The Beastmaster'''<br />
* '''Big Trouble in Little China'''<br />
* '''Hellboy'''<br />
* '''Fire and Ice'''<br />
* '''Wizards'''<br />
* '''How to Train Your Dragon'''<br />
* '''Jason and the Argonauts'''<br />
* '''Labyrinth'''<br />
* '''Atlantis: The Lost Empire'''<br />
* '''The Nightmare Before Christmas'''<br />
* '''The Princess Bride'''<br />
* '''The Black Cauldron'''<br />
<br />
== Horror ==<br />
<br />
* '''Alien'''<br />
* '''John Carpenter's The Thing'''<br />
* '''The Fly''': Why you don't fuck with teleporters: the movie. A masterclass in body horror, the ending will haunt your nightmares for years to come.<br />
* '''H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator'''<br />
* '''Evil Dead series'''<br />
* '''Psycho'''<br />
* '''Invasion of the Body Snatchers'''<br />
* '''Jaws'''<br />
* '''House'''<br />
* '''Event Horizon'''<br />
* '''Eraserhead'''<br />
* '''The Cabin in the Woods'''<br />
* '''The Crow'''<br />
* '''"Dead" series'''<br />
<br />
== War ==<br />
<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''All Quiet on the Western Front'''<br />
* '''The Bridge Over the River Kwai'''<br />
* '''Full Metal Jacket'''<br />
* '''Saving Private Ryan'''<br />
* '''Das Boot''': One of the most expensive films in the history of German cinema, a psuedo-autobiographical account of a German U-boat crew in 1941. Based on a historical fiction novel by a war journalist under the Third Reich with surviving crewmen as consultants, so it's as much about fighting boredom and the deep-seated turmoil within the Kriegsmarine as attacking the Allies. The uncut edition (intended to be televised in three parts) weighs in at five hours and is worth every minute.<br />
<br />
== Western ==<br />
<br />
* '''Dollars series:''' Seminal "trilogy" (connected only by cast and crew) directed by Sergio Leone. "A Fistful of Dollars" is an unauthorized remake of the Japanese classic ''Yojimbo'' (also approved) while "For a Few Dollars More" and "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" are stock adventure plots held together by outstanding soundtracks, cinematography and the acting skill of one Clint Eastwood. Mandatory viewing for any Western campaign that takes itself remotely seriously, or any campaign with a heavy focus on murderhoboing. Almost singlehandedly responsible for replacing the romantic image of the Old West enshrined by Hollywood with lawlessness, corruption and amoral antiheroes.<br />
* '''3:10 to Yuma'''<br />
* '''Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'''<br />
* '''True Grit'''<br />
* '''Tombstone'''<br />
* '''Rango'''<br />
* '''Django Unchained'''<br />
<br />
== Science Fiction ==<br />
<br />
* '''[[Star Wars]]''': Duh. Original trilogy only, and get the unauthorized 4K remasters from before Lucas fucked with it by Team Negative 1 if at all possible; prequels and ''Rogue One'' if you crave more, everything else is strictly if you hate yourself.<br />
* '''Planet of the Apes'''<br />
* '''Heavy Metal'''<br />
* '''RoboCop'''<br />
* '''The Terminator series'''<br />
* '''2001: A Space Odyssey'''<br />
* '''Black Magic M-66'''<br />
* '''Iron Sky'''<br />
* '''The Day the Earth Stood Still'''<br />
* '''Blade Runner'''<br />
* '''The Andromeda Strain'''<br />
* '''Dark Star'''<br />
* '''[[Judge Dredd]]'''<br />
* '''Men in Black'''<br />
* '''Ghost in the Shell'''<br />
* '''Pacific Rim'''<br />
* [[Starship Troopers|'''Starship Troopers''']]<br />
* '''Stargate'''<br />
* '''THX 1138'''<br />
* '''Time Cop'''<br />
* '''Titan AE'''<br />
* '''The Transformers: The Movie'''<br />
* '''Westworld'''<br />
<br />
== Pure Schlock ==<br />
<br />
* '''Blade series'''<br />
* '''Wild, Wild, West'''<br />
* '''The 25th Reich''': At one point in this independent strayan movie Nazi officer gets sodomized by a giant robot spider teleported in by a flying metal swastika. If that isn't enough to get you to tune in, I don't know what will.<br />
* '''Kung Fury'''<br />
* '''This Island Earth'''<br />
* '''Manos... the hands of fate?'''</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies&diff=1010028Approved Movies2026-04-07T04:00:39Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Western */</p>
<hr />
<div>== Action ==<br />
<br />
* '''Riddick series'''<br />
* '''Batman Begins, The Dark Knight'''<br />
* '''Die Hard'''<br />
* '''Kill Bill'''<br />
* '''Lethal Weapon series'''<br />
* '''Predator'''<br />
* '''James Bond series'''<br />
* '''Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl'''<br />
* '''The Rocketeer'''<br />
* '''Aliens'''<br />
* '''Captain Blood'''<br />
* '''The Transporter'''<br />
* '''Mad Max series'''<br />
* '''Escape from New York'''<br />
* '''John Wick'''<br />
<br />
== Comedy ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Big Lebowski'''<br />
* '''Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker'''<br />
* '''Blazing Saddles'''<br />
* '''The Blues Brothers'''<br />
* '''Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II'''<br />
* '''Back to the Future series'''<br />
* '''Monty Python'''<br />
* '''Pulp Fiction'''<br />
* '''Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'''<br />
* '''The Gamers trilogy'''<br />
* '''Snatch'''<br />
* '''Tropic Thunder'''<br />
* '''Spaceballs'''<br />
* '''Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure'''<br />
* '''Attack the Gas Station'''<br />
<br />
== Drama ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Godfather'''<br />
* '''Battles Without Honor and Humanity series'''<br />
* '''Gone with the Wind'''<br />
* '''Resevoir Dogs'''<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'''<br />
<br />
== Fantasy ==<br />
<br />
* '''Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja'''<br />
* '''Highlander'''<br />
* '''Clash of the Titans'''<br />
* '''The Beastmaster'''<br />
* '''Big Trouble in Little China'''<br />
* '''Hellboy'''<br />
* '''Fire and Ice'''<br />
* '''Wizards'''<br />
* '''How to Train Your Dragon'''<br />
* '''Jason and the Argonauts'''<br />
* '''Labyrinth'''<br />
* '''Atlantis: The Lost Empire'''<br />
* '''The Nightmare Before Christmas'''<br />
* '''The Princess Bride'''<br />
* '''The Black Cauldron'''<br />
<br />
== Horror ==<br />
<br />
* '''Alien'''<br />
* '''John Carpenter's The Thing'''<br />
* '''The Fly''': Why you don't fuck with teleporters: the movie. A masterclass in body horror, the ending will haunt your nightmares for years to come.<br />
* '''H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator'''<br />
* '''Evil Dead series'''<br />
* '''Psycho'''<br />
* '''Invasion of the Body Snatchers'''<br />
* '''Jaws'''<br />
* '''House'''<br />
* '''Event Horizon'''<br />
* '''Eraserhead'''<br />
* '''The Cabin in the Woods'''<br />
* '''The Crow'''<br />
* '''"Dead" series'''<br />
<br />
== War ==<br />
<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''All Quiet on the Western Front'''<br />
* '''The Bridge Over the River Kwai'''<br />
* '''Full Metal Jacket'''<br />
* '''Saving Private Ryan'''<br />
* '''Das Boot''': One of the most expensive films in the history of German cinema, a psuedo-autobiographical account of a German U-boat crew in 1941. Based on a historical fiction novel by a war journalist under the Third Reich with surviving crewmen as consultants, so it's as much about fighting boredom and the deep-seated turmoil within the Kriegsmarine as attacking the Allies. The uncut edition (intended to be televised in three parts) weighs in at five hours and is worth every minute.<br />
<br />
== Western ==<br />
<br />
* '''Dollars series:''' Seminal "trilogy" (connected only by cast and crew) directed by Sergio Leone. "A Fistful of Dollars" is an unauthorized remake of the Japanese classic ''Yojimbo'' (also approved) while "For a Few Dollars More" and "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" are stock adventure plots held together by outstanding soundtracks, cinematography and the acting skill of one Clint Eastwood. Mandatory viewing for any Western campaign that takes itself remotely seriously, or any campaign with a heavy focus on murderhoboing. Almost singlehandedly responsible for replacing the romantic image of the Old West enshrined by Hollywood with lawlessness, corruption and amoral antiheroes.<br />
* '''3:10 to Yuma'''<br />
* '''Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'''<br />
* '''True Grit'''<br />
* '''Tombstone'''<br />
* '''Rango'''<br />
* '''Django Unchained'''<br />
<br />
== Science Fiction ==<br />
<br />
* '''[[Star Wars]]''': Duh. Original trilogy only, and get the unauthorized 4K remasters from before Lucas fucked with it by Team Negative 1 if at all possible; prequels and ''Rogue One'' if you crave more, everything else is strictly if you hate yourself.<br />
* '''Planet of the Apes'''<br />
* '''Heavy Metal'''<br />
* '''RoboCop'''<br />
* '''The Terminator series'''<br />
* '''2001: A Space Odyssey'''<br />
* '''Black Magic M-66'''<br />
* '''Iron Sky'''<br />
* '''The Day the Earth Stood Still'''<br />
* '''Blade Runner'''<br />
* '''The Andromeda Strain'''<br />
* '''Dark Star'''<br />
* '''[[Judge Dredd]]'''<br />
* '''Men in Black'''<br />
* '''Ghost in the Shell'''<br />
* '''Pacific Rim'''<br />
* [[Starship Troopers|'''Starship Troopers''']]<br />
* '''Stargate'''<br />
* '''THX 1138'''<br />
* '''Time Cop'''<br />
* '''Titan AE'''<br />
* '''The Transformers: The Movie'''<br />
* '''Westworld'''<br />
<br />
== Pure Schlock ==<br />
<br />
* '''Blade series'''<br />
* '''Wild, Wild, West'''<br />
* '''The 25th Reich''': At one point in this independent strayan movie Nazi officer gets sodomized by a giant robot spider teleported in by a flying metal swastika. If that isn't enough to get you to tune in, I don't know what will.<br />
* '''Kung Fury'''<br />
* '''This Island Earth'''<br />
* '''Manos... the hands of fate?'''</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies&diff=1010026Approved Movies2026-04-07T02:39:21Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Horror */</p>
<hr />
<div>== Action ==<br />
<br />
* '''Riddick series'''<br />
* '''Batman Begins, The Dark Knight'''<br />
* '''Die Hard'''<br />
* '''Kill Bill'''<br />
* '''Lethal Weapon series'''<br />
* '''Predator'''<br />
* '''James Bond series'''<br />
* '''Pirats of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl'''<br />
* '''The Rocketeer'''<br />
* '''Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow'''<br />
* '''Aliens'''<br />
* '''Captain Blood'''<br />
* '''The Transporter'''<br />
* '''Mad Max series'''<br />
* '''Escape from New York'''<br />
* '''John Wick'''<br />
<br />
== Comedy ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Big Lebowski'''<br />
* '''Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker'''<br />
* '''Blazing Saddles'''<br />
* '''The Blues Brothers'''<br />
* '''Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II'''<br />
* '''Back to the Future series'''<br />
* '''Monty Python'''<br />
* '''Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'''<br />
* '''The Gamers trilogy'''<br />
* '''Snatch'''<br />
* '''Tropic Thunder'''<br />
* '''Spaceballs'''<br />
* '''Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure'''<br />
* '''Attack the Gas Station'''<br />
<br />
== Drama ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Godfather'''<br />
* '''Battles Without Honor and Humanity series'''<br />
* '''Gone with the Wind'''<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'''<br />
<br />
== Fantasy ==<br />
<br />
* '''Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja'''<br />
* '''Highlander'''<br />
* '''Clash of the Titans'''<br />
* '''The Beastmaster'''<br />
* '''Big Trouble in Little China'''<br />
* '''Hellboy'''<br />
* '''Fire and Ice'''<br />
* '''Wizards'''<br />
* '''How to Train Your Dragon'''<br />
* '''Jason and the Argonauts'''<br />
* '''Labyrinth'''<br />
* '''Atlantis: The Lost Empire'''<br />
* '''The Nightmare Before Christmas'''<br />
* '''The Princess Bride'''<br />
* '''The Black Cauldron'''<br />
<br />
== Horror ==<br />
<br />
* '''Alien'''<br />
* '''John Carpenter's The Thing'''<br />
* '''The Fly''': Why you don't fuck with teleporters: the movie. A masterclass in body horror, the ending will haunt your nightmares for years to come.<br />
* '''H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator'''<br />
* '''Evil Dead series'''<br />
* '''Psycho'''<br />
* '''Invasion of the Body Snatchers'''<br />
* '''House'''<br />
* '''Event Horizon'''<br />
* '''Eraserhead'''<br />
* '''The Cabin in the Woods'''<br />
* '''The Crow'''<br />
* '''"Dead" series'''<br />
<br />
== War ==<br />
<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''All Quiet on the Western Front'''<br />
* '''The Bridge Over the River Kwai'''<br />
* '''Full Metal Jacket'''<br />
* '''Saving Private Ryan'''<br />
* '''Das Boot''': One of the most expensive films in the history of German cinema, a psuedo-autobiographical account of a German U-boat crew in 1941. Based on a historical fiction novel by a war journalist under the Third Reich with surviving crewmen as consultants, so it's as much about fighting boredom and the deep-seated turmoil within the Kriegsmarine as attacking the Allies. The uncut edition (intended to be televised in three parts) weighs in at five hours and is worth every minute.<br />
<br />
== Western ==<br />
<br />
* '''Dollars series'''<br />
* '''3:10 to Yuma'''<br />
* '''Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'''<br />
* '''Resivoir Dogs'''<br />
* '''Tombstone'''<br />
* '''Rango'''<br />
* '''Django Unchained'''<br />
<br />
== Science Fiction ==<br />
<br />
* '''[[Star Wars]]''': Duh. Original trilogy only, and get the unauthorized 4K remasters from before Lucas fucked with it by Team Negative 1 if at all possible; prequels and ''Rogue One'' if you crave more, everything else is strictly if you hate yourself.<br />
* '''Planet of the Apes'''<br />
* '''Heavy Metal'''<br />
* '''RoboCop'''<br />
* '''The Terminator series'''<br />
* '''2001: A Space Odyssey'''<br />
* '''Black Magic M-66'''<br />
* '''The Day the Earth Stood Still'''<br />
* '''Blade Runner'''<br />
* '''Dark Star'''<br />
* '''[[Judge Dredd]]'''<br />
* '''Men in Black'''<br />
* '''Ghost in the Shell'''<br />
* '''Pacific Rim'''<br />
* [[Starship Troopers|'''Starship Troopers''']]<br />
* '''Stargate'''<br />
* '''THX 1138'''<br />
* '''Time Cop'''<br />
* '''Titan AE'''<br />
* '''The Transformers: The Movie'''<br />
* '''Westworld'''<br />
<br />
== Pure Schlock ==<br />
<br />
* '''Blade series'''<br />
* '''Wild, Wild, West'''<br />
* '''The 25th Reich'''<br />
* '''Kung Fury'''<br />
* '''This Island Earth'''<br />
* '''Manos... the hands of fate?'''</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies&diff=1010025Approved Movies2026-04-07T02:29:56Z<p>Pachinko Man: </p>
<hr />
<div>== Action ==<br />
<br />
* '''Riddick series'''<br />
* '''Batman Begins, The Dark Knight'''<br />
* '''Die Hard'''<br />
* '''Kill Bill'''<br />
* '''Lethal Weapon series'''<br />
* '''Predator'''<br />
* '''James Bond series'''<br />
* '''Pirats of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl'''<br />
* '''The Rocketeer'''<br />
* '''Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow'''<br />
* '''Aliens'''<br />
* '''Captain Blood'''<br />
* '''The Transporter'''<br />
* '''Mad Max series'''<br />
* '''Escape from New York'''<br />
* '''John Wick'''<br />
<br />
== Comedy ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Big Lebowski'''<br />
* '''Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker'''<br />
* '''Blazing Saddles'''<br />
* '''The Blues Brothers'''<br />
* '''Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II'''<br />
* '''Back to the Future series'''<br />
* '''Monty Python'''<br />
* '''Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'''<br />
* '''The Gamers trilogy'''<br />
* '''Snatch'''<br />
* '''Tropic Thunder'''<br />
* '''Spaceballs'''<br />
* '''Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure'''<br />
* '''Attack the Gas Station'''<br />
<br />
== Drama ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Godfather'''<br />
* '''Battles Without Honor and Humanity series'''<br />
* '''Gone with the Wind'''<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'''<br />
<br />
== Fantasy ==<br />
<br />
* '''Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja'''<br />
* '''Highlander'''<br />
* '''Clash of the Titans'''<br />
* '''The Beastmaster'''<br />
* '''Big Trouble in Little China'''<br />
* '''Hellboy'''<br />
* '''Fire and Ice'''<br />
* '''Wizards'''<br />
* '''How to Train Your Dragon'''<br />
* '''Jason and the Argonauts'''<br />
* '''Labyrinth'''<br />
* '''Atlantis: The Lost Empire'''<br />
* '''The Nightmare Before Christmas'''<br />
* '''The Princess Bride'''<br />
* '''The Black Cauldron'''<br />
<br />
== Horror ==<br />
<br />
* '''Alien'''<br />
* '''John Carpenter's The Thing'''<br />
* '''H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator'''<br />
* '''Evil Dead series'''<br />
* '''Psycho'''<br />
* '''House'''<br />
* '''Event Horizon'''<br />
* '''Eraserhead'''<br />
* '''The Cabin in the Woods'''<br />
* '''The Crow'''<br />
* '''"Dead" series'''<br />
<br />
== War ==<br />
<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''All Quiet on the Western Front'''<br />
* '''The Bridge Over the River Kwai'''<br />
* '''Full Metal Jacket'''<br />
* '''Saving Private Ryan'''<br />
* '''Das Boot''': One of the most expensive films in the history of German cinema, a psuedo-autobiographical account of a German U-boat crew in 1941. Based on a historical fiction novel by a war journalist under the Third Reich with surviving crewmen as consultants, so it's as much about fighting boredom and the deep-seated turmoil within the Kriegsmarine as attacking the Allies. The uncut edition (intended to be televised in three parts) weighs in at five hours and is worth every minute.<br />
<br />
== Western ==<br />
<br />
* '''Dollars series'''<br />
* '''3:10 to Yuma'''<br />
* '''Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'''<br />
* '''Resivoir Dogs'''<br />
* '''Tombstone'''<br />
* '''Rango'''<br />
* '''Django Unchained'''<br />
<br />
== Science Fiction ==<br />
<br />
* '''[[Star Wars]]''': Duh. Original trilogy only, and get the unauthorized 4K remasters from before Lucas fucked with it by Team Negative 1 if at all possible; prequels and ''Rogue One'' if you crave more, everything else is strictly if you hate yourself.<br />
* '''Planet of the Apes'''<br />
* '''Heavy Metal'''<br />
* '''RoboCop'''<br />
* '''The Terminator series'''<br />
* '''2001: A Space Odyssey'''<br />
* '''Black Magic M-66'''<br />
* '''Blade Runner'''<br />
* '''Dark Star'''<br />
* '''[[Judge Dredd]]'''<br />
* '''Men in Black'''<br />
* '''Ghost in the Shell'''<br />
* '''Pacific Rim'''<br />
* [[Starship Troopers|'''Starship Troopers''']]<br />
* '''Stargate'''<br />
* '''THX 1138'''<br />
* '''Time Cop'''<br />
* '''Titan AE'''<br />
* '''The Transformers: The Movie'''<br />
* '''Westworld'''<br />
<br />
== Pure Schlock ==<br />
<br />
* '''Blade series'''<br />
* '''Wild, Wild, West'''<br />
* '''The 25th Reich'''<br />
* '''Kung Fury'''</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies&diff=1010024Approved Movies2026-04-07T02:24:51Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Science Fiction */</p>
<hr />
<div>== Action ==<br />
<br />
* '''Riddick series'''<br />
* '''Batman Begins, The Dark Knight'''<br />
* '''Die Hard'''<br />
* '''Kill Bill'''<br />
* '''Lethal Weapon series'''<br />
* '''Predator'''<br />
* '''James Bond series'''<br />
* '''Pirats of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl'''<br />
* '''The Rocketeer'''<br />
* '''Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow'''<br />
* '''Aliens'''<br />
* '''Captain Blood'''<br />
* '''The Transporter'''<br />
* '''Mad Max series'''<br />
* '''Escape from New York'''<br />
* '''John Wick'''<br />
<br />
== Comedy ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Big Lebowski'''<br />
* '''Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker'''<br />
* '''Blazing Saddles'''<br />
* '''The Blues Brothers'''<br />
* '''Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II'''<br />
* '''Back to the Future series'''<br />
* '''Monty Python'''<br />
* '''Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'''<br />
* '''The Gamers trilogy'''<br />
* '''Snatch'''<br />
* '''Tropic Thunder'''<br />
* '''Spaceballs'''<br />
* '''Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure'''<br />
* '''Attack the Gas Station'''<br />
<br />
== Drama ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Godfather'''<br />
* '''Battles Without Honor and Humanity series'''<br />
* '''Gone with the Wind'''<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'''<br />
<br />
== Fantasy ==<br />
<br />
* '''Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja'''<br />
* '''Highlander'''<br />
* '''Clash of the Titans'''<br />
* '''The Beastmaster'''<br />
* '''Big Trouble in Little China'''<br />
* '''Hellboy'''<br />
* '''Fire and Ice'''<br />
* '''Wizards'''<br />
* '''How to Train Your Dragon'''<br />
* '''Jason and the Argonauts'''<br />
* '''Labyrinth'''<br />
* '''Atlantis: The Lost Empire'''<br />
* '''The Nightmare Before Christmas'''<br />
* '''The Princess Bride'''<br />
* '''The Black Cauldron'''<br />
<br />
== Horror ==<br />
<br />
* '''Alien'''<br />
* '''John Carpenter's The Thing'''<br />
* '''H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator'''<br />
* '''Evil Dead series'''<br />
* '''Psycho'''<br />
* '''House'''<br />
* '''Event Horizon'''<br />
* '''Eraserhead'''<br />
* '''The Cabin in the Woods'''<br />
* '''The Crow'''<br />
* '''"Dead" series'''<br />
<br />
== War ==<br />
<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''All Quiet on the Western Front'''<br />
* '''The Bridge on the River Kwai'''<br />
* '''Das Boot''': One of the most expensive films in the history of German cinema, a psuedo-autobiographical account of a German U-boat crew in 1941, fighting boredom and the deep-seated turmoil within the Kriegsmarine as much as they prey upon the Allies. The uncut edition (intended to be televised in three parts) weighs in at five hours and is worth every minute.<br />
<br />
== Western ==<br />
<br />
* '''Dollars series'''<br />
* '''3:10 to Yuma'''<br />
* '''Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'''<br />
* '''Resivoir Dogs'''<br />
* '''Tombstone'''<br />
* '''Rango'''<br />
* '''Django Unchained'''<br />
<br />
== Science Fiction ==<br />
<br />
* '''[[Star Wars]]''': Duh. Original trilogy only, and get the unauthorized 4K remasters from before Lucas fucked with it by Team Negative 1 if at all possible; prequels and ''Rogue One'' if you crave more, everything else is strictly if you hate yourself.<br />
* '''Planet of the Apes'''<br />
* '''Heavy Metal'''<br />
* '''RoboCop'''<br />
* '''The Terminator series'''<br />
* '''2001: A Space Odyssey'''<br />
* '''Black Magic M-66'''<br />
* '''Blade Runner'''<br />
* '''Dark Star'''<br />
* '''[[Judge Dredd]]'''<br />
* '''Men in Black'''<br />
* '''Ghost in the Shell'''<br />
* '''Pacific Rim'''<br />
* [[Starship Troopers|'''Starship Troopers''']]<br />
* '''Stargate'''<br />
* '''THX 1138'''<br />
* '''Time Cop'''<br />
* '''Titan AE'''<br />
* '''The Transformers: The Movie'''<br />
* '''Westworld'''<br />
<br />
== Pure Schlock ==<br />
<br />
* '''Blade series'''<br />
* '''Wild, Wild, West'''<br />
* '''The 25th Reich'''<br />
* '''Kung Fury'''</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies&diff=1010023Approved Movies2026-04-07T02:22:47Z<p>Pachinko Man: </p>
<hr />
<div>== Action ==<br />
<br />
* '''Riddick series'''<br />
* '''Batman Begins, The Dark Knight'''<br />
* '''Die Hard'''<br />
* '''Kill Bill'''<br />
* '''Lethal Weapon series'''<br />
* '''Predator'''<br />
* '''James Bond series'''<br />
* '''Pirats of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl'''<br />
* '''The Rocketeer'''<br />
* '''Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow'''<br />
* '''Aliens'''<br />
* '''Captain Blood'''<br />
* '''The Transporter'''<br />
* '''Mad Max series'''<br />
* '''Escape from New York'''<br />
* '''John Wick'''<br />
<br />
== Comedy ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Big Lebowski'''<br />
* '''Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker'''<br />
* '''Blazing Saddles'''<br />
* '''The Blues Brothers'''<br />
* '''Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II'''<br />
* '''Back to the Future series'''<br />
* '''Monty Python'''<br />
* '''Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'''<br />
* '''The Gamers trilogy'''<br />
* '''Snatch'''<br />
* '''Tropic Thunder'''<br />
* '''Spaceballs'''<br />
* '''Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure'''<br />
* '''Attack the Gas Station'''<br />
<br />
== Drama ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Godfather'''<br />
* '''Battles Without Honor and Humanity series'''<br />
* '''Gone with the Wind'''<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'''<br />
<br />
== Fantasy ==<br />
<br />
* '''Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja'''<br />
* '''Highlander'''<br />
* '''Clash of the Titans'''<br />
* '''The Beastmaster'''<br />
* '''Big Trouble in Little China'''<br />
* '''Hellboy'''<br />
* '''Fire and Ice'''<br />
* '''Wizards'''<br />
* '''How to Train Your Dragon'''<br />
* '''Jason and the Argonauts'''<br />
* '''Labyrinth'''<br />
* '''Atlantis: The Lost Empire'''<br />
* '''The Nightmare Before Christmas'''<br />
* '''The Princess Bride'''<br />
* '''The Black Cauldron'''<br />
<br />
== Horror ==<br />
<br />
* '''Alien'''<br />
* '''John Carpenter's The Thing'''<br />
* '''H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator'''<br />
* '''Evil Dead series'''<br />
* '''Psycho'''<br />
* '''House'''<br />
* '''Event Horizon'''<br />
* '''Eraserhead'''<br />
* '''The Cabin in the Woods'''<br />
* '''The Crow'''<br />
* '''"Dead" series'''<br />
<br />
== War ==<br />
<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''All Quiet on the Western Front'''<br />
* '''The Bridge on the River Kwai'''<br />
* '''Das Boot''': One of the most expensive films in the history of German cinema, a psuedo-autobiographical account of a German U-boat crew in 1941, fighting boredom and the deep-seated turmoil within the Kriegsmarine as much as they prey upon the Allies. The uncut edition (intended to be televised in three parts) weighs in at five hours and is worth every minute.<br />
<br />
== Western ==<br />
<br />
* '''Dollars series'''<br />
* '''3:10 to Yuma'''<br />
* '''Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'''<br />
* '''Resivoir Dogs'''<br />
* '''Tombstone'''<br />
* '''Rango'''<br />
* '''Django Unchained'''<br />
<br />
== Science Fiction ==<br />
<br />
* '''[[Star Wars]]''': Duh. Original trilogy only, and get the unauthorized 4K remasters from before Lucas fucked with it by Team Negative 1 if at all possible; prequels and ''Rogue One'' if you crave more, everything else is strictly if you hate yourself.<br />
* '''Planet of the Apes'''<br />
* '''Heavy Metal'''<br />
* '''RoboCop'''<br />
* '''The Terminator series'''<br />
* '''Black Magic M-66'''<br />
* '''Blade Runner'''<br />
* '''Dark Star'''<br />
* '''[[Judge Dredd]]'''<br />
* '''Men in Black'''<br />
* '''Ghost in the Shell'''<br />
* '''Pacific Rim'''<br />
* [[Starship Troopers|'''Starship Troopers''']]<br />
* '''Stargate'''<br />
* '''THX 1138'''<br />
* '''Time Cop'''<br />
* '''Titan AE'''<br />
* '''The Transformers: The Movie'''<br />
* '''Westworld'''<br />
<br />
== Pure Schlock ==<br />
<br />
* '''Blade series'''<br />
* '''Wild, Wild, West'''<br />
* '''The 25th Reich'''<br />
* '''Kung Fury'''</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies&diff=1010022Approved Movies2026-04-07T02:20:40Z<p>Pachinko Man: Removed redirect to Approved Movies/Old</p>
<hr />
<div>== Action ==<br />
<br />
* '''Riddick series'''<br />
* '''Batman Begins, The Dark Knight'''<br />
* '''Die Hard'''<br />
* '''Kill Bill'''<br />
* '''Lethal Weapon series'''<br />
* '''Predator'''<br />
* '''James Bond series'''<br />
* '''Pirats of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl'''<br />
* '''The Rocketeer'''<br />
* '''Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow'''<br />
* '''Aliens'''<br />
* '''Captain Blood'''<br />
* '''The Transporter'''<br />
* '''Mad Max series'''<br />
* '''Escape from New York'''<br />
* '''John Wick'''<br />
<br />
== Comedy ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Big Lebowski'''<br />
* '''Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker'''<br />
* '''Blazing Saddles'''<br />
* '''The Blues Brothers'''<br />
* '''Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II'''<br />
* '''Back to the Future series'''<br />
* '''Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'''<br />
* '''The Gamers trilogy'''<br />
* '''Snatch'''<br />
* '''Tropic Thunder'''<br />
* '''Spaceballs'''<br />
* '''Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure'''<br />
* '''Attack the Gas Station'''<br />
<br />
== Drama ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Godfather'''<br />
* '''Battles Without Honor and Humanity series'''<br />
* '''Gone with the Wind'''<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'''<br />
<br />
== Fantasy ==<br />
<br />
* '''Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja'''<br />
* '''Highlander'''<br />
* '''Clash of the Titans'''<br />
* '''The Beastmaster'''<br />
* '''Big Trouble in Little China'''<br />
* '''Hellboy'''<br />
* '''Fire and Ice'''<br />
* '''Wizards'''<br />
* '''How to Train Your Dragon'''<br />
* '''Jason and the Argonauts'''<br />
* '''Labyrinth'''<br />
* '''The Nightmare Before Christmas'''<br />
* '''The Princess Bride'''<br />
* '''The Black Cauldron'''<br />
<br />
== Horror ==<br />
<br />
* '''Alien'''<br />
* '''John Carpenter's The Thing'''<br />
* '''H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator'''<br />
* '''Evil Dead series'''<br />
* '''Psycho'''<br />
* '''House'''<br />
* '''Event Horizon'''<br />
* '''Eraserhead'''<br />
* '''The Cabin in the Woods'''<br />
* '''The Crow'''<br />
* '''"Dead" series'''<br />
<br />
== War ==<br />
<br />
* '''Apocalypse Now'''<br />
* '''All Quiet on the Western Front'''<br />
* '''The Bridge on the River Kwai'''<br />
* '''Das Boot''': One of the most expensive films in the history of German cinema, a psuedo-autobiographical account of a German U-boat crew in 1941, fighting boredom and the deep-seated turmoil within the Kriegsmarine as much as they prey upon the Allies. The uncut edition (intended to be televised in three parts) weighs in at five hours and is worth every minute.<br />
<br />
== Western ==<br />
<br />
* '''Dollars series'''<br />
* '''3:10 to Yuma'''<br />
* '''Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'''<br />
* '''Resivoir Dogs'''<br />
* '''Tombstone'''<br />
* '''Rango'''<br />
* '''Django Unchained'''<br />
<br />
== Science Fiction ==<br />
<br />
* '''[[Star Wars]]''': Duh. Original trilogy only, and get the unauthorized 4K remasters from before Lucas fucked with it by Team Negative 1 if at all possible; prequels and ''Rogue One'' if you crave more, everything else is strictly if you hate yourself.<br />
* '''Planet of the Apes'''<br />
* '''Heavy Metal'''<br />
* '''RoboCop'''<br />
* '''The Terminator series'''<br />
* '''Black Magic M-66'''<br />
* '''Blade Runner'''<br />
* '''Dark Star'''<br />
* '''[[Judge Dredd]]'''<br />
* '''Men in Black'''<br />
* '''Ghost in the Shell'''<br />
* '''Pacific Rim'''<br />
* [[Starship Troopers|'''Starship Troopers''']]<br />
* '''Stargate'''<br />
* '''THX 1138'''<br />
* '''Time Cop'''<br />
* '''Titan AE'''<br />
* '''The Transformers: The Movie'''<br />
* '''Westworld'''<br />
<br />
== Pure Schlock ==<br />
<br />
* '''Blade series'''<br />
* '''Wild, Wild, West'''<br />
* '''The 25th Reich'''<br />
* '''Kung Fury'''</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies&diff=1010020Approved Movies2026-04-07T01:33:16Z<p>Pachinko Man: Pachinko Man moved page Approved Movies to Approved Movies/Old</p>
<hr />
<div>#REDIRECT [[Approved Movies/Old]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Movies/Old&diff=1010019Approved Movies/Old2026-04-07T01:33:16Z<p>Pachinko Man: Pachinko Man moved page Approved Movies to Approved Movies/Old</p>
<hr />
<div>This is a list of /tg/ approved movies, organized into loose genres, alphabetically.<br />
<br />
Add important details in brackets.<br />
<br />
==Science Fiction==<br />
* 2001: A Space Odyssey<br />
* 2010: The Year We Make Contact<br />
* The Fifth Element [1997]<br />
* The Abyss<br />
* Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension<br />
* Alphaville [French]<br />
* Akira [animated]<br />
* Animatrix - short Program [animated] (how to pull certain /tg/ cliche right)<br />
* Appleseed<br />
* Appleseed: Deus Ex Machina<br />
* Avalon [Japanese, with original, Polish voices - this is '''very''' important, avoid English dubbing or official subtitles like fire, they change most of dialogues into incomprehensive mess]<br />
* Babylon A.D. [director's cut]<br />
* Battle Beyond the Stars<br />
* The Black Hole [1979]<br />
* Black Magic M-66 [animated]<br />
* Blade Runner [final cut]<br />
* Blade Runner 2049<br />
* Boys from Brazil, The<br />
* Brazil<br />
* Children of Men<br />
* Chronicle [2012]<br />
* Close Encounters of the Third Kind<br />
* Cyborg [1989]<br />
* Dark City<br />
* Dark Star<br />
* Death Machine<br />
* District 9<br />
* Donnie Darko<br />
* Doomsday<br />
* Dreamscape<br />
* Dune [1984, 2020s]<br />
* [[Judge Dredd|Dredd]] [2012]<br />
* Edge of Tomorrow<br />
* Enemy Mine<br />
* Equilibrium<br />
* Event Horizon [40k fans consider this an accidental prequel to the grimdarkness we know and love, which should speak for itself]<br />
* eXistenZ<br />
* Forbidden Planet [1956]<br />
* Fortress [1992]<br />
* Galaxy Quest<br />
* Gattaca<br />
* Ghosts of Mars<br />
* Hardware [1990]<br />
* Hell [German]<br />
* I, Robot<br />
* Ice Pirates<br />
* Immortal [2004, French]<br />
* Inception<br />
* The Iron Giant [animated]<br />
* The Island<br />
* Johnny Mnemonic<br />
* Kin-Dza-Dza<br />
* K-Pax<br />
* Logan's Run<br />
* Looper<br />
* [[The Lord Inquisitor]] [animated]<br />
* Les Maîtres du temps [animated]<br />
* The Man Who Fell to Earth<br />
* The Matrix<br />
* Max Headroom: 20 Minutes into the Future<br />
* Men in Black [only the first one]<br />
* Metropolis [1927]<br />
* Metropolis [animated]<br />
* Moon<br />
* Moon 44<br />
* Moon Zero Two<br />
* Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind [animated]<br />
* Nemesis [1992]<br />
* O-Bi, O-Ba: The End of Civilization [Polish] (best unofficial [[Paranoia]] movie, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5h3VKY_ihJg see for yourself])<br />
* Outlander<br />
* Pacific Rim<br />
* Paycheck (as an exercise of handling hooks and plot devices)<br />
* Parallel [2018]<br />
* Planet of the Apes [1968] - everything else under "... of the Apes" is purely optional<br />
* Planet of the Vampires [1965]<br />
* Prey<br />
* The Prestige<br />
* Primer<br />
* Prospect<br />
* Red Planet<br />
* Robocop [1987]<br />
* Robocop 2<br />
* Robot Jox<br />
* Rock & Rule [animated] (preferably with Canadian dubbing, as American one simply sucks)<br />
* Runaway [1984]<br />
* Snowpiercer<br />
* Solaris [1972, 2002]<br />
* Source Code<br />
* Space Truckers [1996]<br />
* Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone<br />
* The Sphere<br />
* Stalker [Russian]<br />
* Star Wars [1977-]: original trilogy, everything else is purely optional.<br />
* Star Trek (The Wrath of Khan, The Voyage Home, The Undiscovered Country, First Contact and Beyond for sure, the Search for Spock and the 2009 film if you want some more)<br />
* Stargate [1994]<br />
* [[Starship Troopers]]<br />
* Strange Days<br />
* Sunshine<br />
* Tetsuo I & II<br />
* The Terminator<br />
* Terminator 2: Judgment Day<br />
* The Time Machine [1960]<br />
* The Thirteenth Floor<br />
* THX 1138<br />
* Time Cop<br />
* Time Crimes [Spanish, 2007]<br />
* Titan, AE [Animated]<br />
* Total Recall [1990]<br />
* Transformers: The Movie [animated, 1987 version only]<br />
* Treasure Planet [Animated]<br />
* Twelve Monkeys<br />
* [[Ultramarines:The Movie]] [animated]<br />
* WALL-E [animated]<br />
* Westworld<br />
* Zone Troopers<br />
<br />
==Horror==<br />
<br />
* 28 Days Later<br />
* 30 Days of Night<br />
* 9th Gate<br />
* The Abominable Dr. Phibes<br />
* The Addiction<br />
* Alien, it’s also got a meh [[Alien RPG|tabletop game]]<br />
* Aliens [preferably director's cut]<br />
* Alien³ [''obligatory'' director's cut]<br />
* #Alive [Korean]<br />
* An American Werewolf in London<br />
* The Autopsy of Jane Doe <br />
* Belphegor, Phantom of the Louvre [French] - preferably helped with the original mini-series from the 60s.<br />
* Beyond The Black Rainbow<br />
* The Blob [the 1988 version, ''not'' the cheesy original]<br />
* Blood Quantum<br />
* Bram Stoker's Dracula<br />
* The Brood<br />
* The Boneyard<br />
* Bone Tomahawk<br />
* Brotherhood of the Wolf [French]<br />
* Cabin In The Woods<br />
* Carrie [1976] - any sequel or remake is disapproved<br />
* Cell [2016]<br />
* Children of the Corn [1984/2009, rest of the "series" is best ignored]<br />
* Christine<br />
* City of the Living Dead<br />
* Coherence<br />
* The Company of Wolves<br />
* The Craft<br />
* The Crazies [1973] - remake is purely optional<br />
* The Crow [1994] - ignore every single sequel or remake.<br />
* Cube [1997]<br />
* Dagon [Spanish]<br />
* The Descent<br />
* Dog Soldiers<br />
* The Endless [2017]<br />
* Eraserhead<br />
* Evil Dead [trilogy]<br />
* Event Horizon<br />
* The Exorcist<br />
** You might also want to see III (solid movie) and Dominion/The Beginning (respectively: decent thriller/decent CoC module) - either way, avoid Exorcist II, unless you want some memetically awful movie.<br />
* The Fog [1980]<br />
* From Dusk Till Dawn [more of a parody than straight out horror; sequel is also worth it]<br />
* From Hell<br />
* Frostbite [2006, Swedish] - also goes under Frostbiten (original Swedish title) and Frostbitten (second DVD release)<br />
* The Gift [2000]<br />
* Ginger Snaps (sequels are optional)<br />
* The Girl With All The Gifts<br />
* Gothic [1986]<br />
* The Guardian [1990]<br />
* Halloween [1978]<br />
* Hellraiser<br />
* Horror Express<br />
* The Hole in the Ground<br />
* The Host [Korean]<br />
* The Howling (and only the first)<br />
* The Hunger [1983]<br />
* In the Mouth of Madness<br />
* Interview with the Vampire (and gender-flipper Byzantium)<br />
* Kwaidan<br />
* The Lair of the White Worm<br />
* Late Phases [2014]<br />
* Låt den rätte komma [Swedish, 2008], American remake is optional<br />
* Leviathan [1989]<br />
* The Lighthouse [2019]<br />
* Martin [1977]<br />
* The Masque of the Red Death<br />
* Medium [1985, Polish]<br />
* Mulholland Drive<br />
* Nattevagten [Danish] - Night Shift: The Movie, featuring a night guard working at a morgue. Ignore the shitty English-language remake.<br />
* Near Dark (the second half of inspiration for Vampire: The Masquerade after Interview)<br />
* A Nightmare on Elm Street<br />
* Nosferatu [1922, yep, you are reading the year correctly]<br />
* The Objective [2008]<br />
* Oddity [2024]<br />
* Of the Dead series - only the movies listed<br />
** Night of the Living Dead [1968/1990]<br />
** Dawn of the Dead [1978/2004]<br />
** Day of the Dead [1985]<br />
** Diary of the Dead [2007]<br />
* Onibaba [1964]<br />
* Overlord<br />
* Pandorum<br />
* Phenomena [Italian]<br />
* Pitch Black<br />
* Poltergeist [1982]<br />
* Prince of Darkness<br />
* Rabid [1977]<br />
* Ravenous [1999]<br />
* Ravenous [2017, Québécois]<br />
* Re-Animator [and only the first one]<br />
* The Return of the Living Dead<br />
* The Ritual [2017]<br />
* Rosemary's Baby [1968]<br />
* Salem's Lot [1979]<br />
* Scanners [1981]<br />
* Screamers [1995]<br />
* The Shining<br />
* Shivers<br />
* Silent Hill [2006]<br />
* Split Second [1992]<br />
* Suspiria [1977/2018]<br />
* The Thing [1982]<br />
* Train to Busan [Korean]<br />
* Thirst [Korean]<br />
* Tombs of the Blind Dead<br />
* Underwater<br />
* V/H/S series - it's very hit-and-miss, but still good for mining ideas<br />
* The Vast of Night<br />
* Virus [1999]<br />
* The Void<br />
* Witchfinder General<br />
* The VVitch [2015]<br />
* The Wolf Of Snow Hollow [2020]<br />
* Wolfen<br />
<br />
==Fantasy==<br />
[[Image:97_35566_0_TheLordOfTheRingsTheFellowship.jpg|right|thumb|The essential fantasy trilogy (not on the list because it's so obvious that this is a /tg/ approved movie).]]<br />
* 10,000 BC<br />
* The 13th Warrior<br />
* The Adventures of Baron Munchausen<br />
* The Beastmaster<br />
* Beowulf [animated, 2007]<br />
* Big Trouble in Little China: Mind you, it's Urban Fantasy. Also, ''very'' 80s.<br />
* Black Death [2010]<br />
* Blade 1 & 2<br />
* The Brothers Grimm<br />
* Camelot [1988]<br />
* Circle of Iron [1978, also known as The Silent Flute]<br />
* Clash of the Titans [1981]<br />
* Conan the Barbarian [1982]<br />
* Conan the Destroyer<br />
* Constantine<br />
* [[The Dark Crystal]]<br />
* Death Trance [Japanese]<br />
* Deathstalker 2 (ignore both 1 & 3)<br />
* The Demon Of Mount Oe [Japanese] (technically a horror)<br />
* Les Deux Mondes [2007]<br />
* Doctor Sleep<br />
* Dragonheart<br />
* Dragonslayer<br />
* Erik the Viking<br />
* Excalibur <br />
* Fantaghirò [Italian TV movie series]<br />
* Fire and Ice [animated]<br />
* The Forbidden Kingdom<br />
* Gandahar [animated]<br />
* George and the Dragon<br />
* The Golden Voyage of Sinbad<br />
* Hellboy (only the first one; the 2004 one)<br />
* Highlander (only the first movie, '''because there can be only one'''; "Highlander II: The Quickening" is /tg/ unapproved, but worth a watch if you just want to see an insanely bad movie and a solid lesson in how '''*not*''' to extend a setting)<br />
* The Hobbit [animated]<br />
* Hawk the Slayer<br />
* Heisei Generations FOREVER [tokusatu]<br />
* How to Train Your Dragon [animated]<br />
* Howl's Moving Castle [animated]<br />
* The Iceman Cometh [Chinese]<br />
* Ink [2009]<br />
* Innocent Blood [1992]<br />
* Jabberwocky [1977]<br />
* Jason and the Argonauts [1963 and the 2000 TV version]<br />
* Jumanji (and if you have spare time - the animated TV show too)<br />
* Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle & The Next Level<br />
* Krull<br />
* Kull the Conqueror<br />
* Labyrinth [1986]<br />
* Ladyhawke<br />
* The Last Unicorn [animated]<br />
* The Last Witch Hunter<br />
* Legend [1985]<br />
* Legendary Weapons of China [Chinese]<br />
* Lord of the Rings [animated]<br />
* Masters of the Universe [1987]<br />
* Mythica series (glorious, modern cheese straight from someone's campaign)<br />
** The Crown and the Dragon and it's own series (same film crew)<br />
* Neverending Story<br />
* Night Watch [Russian]<br />
* The Nightmare Before Christmas [animated]<br />
* Odd Thomas<br />
* The Odyssey [TV movie, 1997]<br />
* Ondine<br />
* Pan's Labyrinth<br />
* Peacock King [Chinese]<br />
* The Polar Bear King [Norwegian]<br />
* Practical Magic<br />
* Princess Mononoke [animated]<br />
* The Princess Bride [1987]<br />
* Red Sonja<br />
* Reign of Fire<br />
* The Return of the King [animated]<br />
* Ronal The Barbarian [animated]<br />
* Season of the Witch [2011]<br />
* The Secret of NIMH [animated]<br />
* SAGA - Curse of the Shadow<br />
* Snow White and the Huntsman (the visuals are definitely worth enduring it)<br />
** Same with the sequel, The Huntsman: Winter's War<br />
* Solomon Kane<br />
* Song of the Sea [animated]<br />
* Secret of Kells [animated]<br />
* Stardust<br />
* The Sword and the Sorcerer<br />
* Sword of the Valiant<br />
* Sword of the Stranger [animated]<br />
* The Thief and the Cobbler [animated, The Recobbled Cut]<br />
* The Thief of Baghdad [1924/1940]<br />
* Time Bandits<br />
* Trollhunter [Norwegian]<br />
* Underworld (first movie, rest of the franchise is purely optional)<br />
* Vidocq [French]<br />
* Viy 2: Journey to China [Russian] (also released under "Iron Mask" and "Journey to China")<br />
* Voyage of the Unicorn [TV movie]<br />
* The Warrior and the Sorceress<br />
* Willow<br />
* Wizards [animated]<br />
* Wolfhound of the Grey Hound Clan [Russian]<br />
* Wolfwalkers [animated]<br />
<br />
==Comedy==<br />
* 1 chance sur 2 [French]<br />
* 48 hours<br />
* Ace Ventura: Pet Detective<br />
* Airplane! [1980]<br />
* Back to the Future [1985] and its sequels<br />
* Bandits [2001]<br />
* Beverly Hills Cop 1 & 2<br />
* The Big Hit<br />
* Big Lebowski<br />
* [[Most Excellent Adventure|Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure]] (sequel is approved too).<br />
* Blazing Saddles<br />
* Boys Don't Cry [Polish]<br />
* The Blues Brothers [1980]<br />
* Braindead [1992]<br />
* Buffalo Soldiers [2000]<br />
* A Chinese Ghost Story [1987, Chinese] - sequels are optional, remake is shunned<br />
* City Heat<br />
* Cocoon [1985]<br />
* Coming to America<br />
* The Cornetto Trilogy:<br />
** Shaun Of The Dead [2004]<br />
** Hot Fuzz [2007]<br />
** The World's End [2013]<br />
* The Cuckoo [Russian]<br />
* [[Dark Dungeons]]<br />
* The Death of Stalin [2017]<br />
* Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb [1964]<br />
* Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas [1998]<br />
* The Final Girls<br />
* A Fish Called Wanda<br />
* Fletch<br />
* Forrest Gump<br />
* Fright Night [1985 & 2011]<br />
* Futurama Bender's Game - A Futurama movie created in honor of Gary Gygax's death. Basically a parody to Dungeon and Dragons and Lord of the Ring. It also counts as a science fiction film because well, is Futurama.<br />
* The Gamers trilogy (preferably with dice subtitles)<br />
* Gentlemen Broncos<br />
* Ghostbusters [1984] - and only this one<br />
* Grosse Pointe Blank & War, Inc.<br />
* Groundhog Day<br />
* Hudson Hawk<br />
* In Bruges<br />
* The Incredible Army of Brancaleone [Italian]<br />
* Ivan Vasilievich Changes Profession [Russian]<br />
* Kindergarten Cop<br />
* A Knight's Tale [2001]<br />
* Kung Fu Hustle<br />
* Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels<br />
* Love Potion No. 9<br />
* The Mask<br />
* The Men Who Stare at Goats<br />
* Monty Python and the Holy Grail<br />
* Monty Python's Life of Brian<br />
* The Naked Gun 1 & 2 (3 can be skipped)<br />
* Nothing to Lose<br />
* Palm Springs<br />
* The Raven [1963]<br />
* Ready Or Not [2019]<br />
* Role Models<br />
* Rosaline [2022]<br />
* Secondhand Lions<br />
* The Sister Act<br />
* Snatch<br />
* Space Balls<br />
* Spies like us<br />
* St. Ives [1998]<br />
* Stay Tuned<br />
* The Sting<br />
* Straight to Hell [1987]<br />
* Taxi [French] - sequels are purely optional, with progressively worse quality<br />
* Trading Places<br />
* Tremors [1990] And first movie only<br />
* Tropic Thunder - all-bard party at war<br />
* Twins [1988]<br />
* Vabank [Polish]<br />
* We're No Angels (both the 1955 and 1989 versions)<br />
* What We Do In The Shadows<br />
* Who Framed Roger Rabbit<br />
* Your Highness<br />
* Zombieland [2009] - ignore the sequel<br />
<br />
==Adventure==<br />
* The Adventures of Robin Hood [1938]<br />
* The African Queen<br />
* Agaguk (also known as "Shadow of the Wolf")<br />
* Alatriste [Spanish, 2006]<br />
* Angélique series [five movies from 1964-68, French]<br />
** Modern remake from 2013, too<br />
* Armour of God & Armour of God II: Operation Condor (or "Operation Condor 2: The Armour of the Gods" & "Operation Condor", if you are American and fat) [Chinese]<br />
* Atlantis: The Lost Empire [Animated]<br />
* Berman-Thorpe trilogy, a genre-defining thing for knight epics<br />
** Ivanhoe [1952]<br />
** Knights of the Round Table [1953]<br />
** The Adventures of Quentin Durward [1955]<br />
* Black Robe<br />
* Blond Savage<br />
* Bloodstone [1988]<br />
* Le Bossu [1959/1997, French]<br />
* The Buccaneer [1958]<br />
* Bulletproof Monk<br />
* Captain Blood<br />
* Captain Fracasse [French]<br />
* Cast Away<br />
* El Cid [1961]<br />
* The Crimson Pirate [1952]<br />
* Cutthroat Island<br />
* Cyrano de Bergerac [1950. 1990]<br />
** Roxanne [1987] - more comedic take<br />
* The Deceivers<br />
* Don Cesare di Bazan and its remake, The Seventh Sword [Italian]<br />
* Erik the Conqueror [French-Italian co-production]<br />
* Fanfan la Tulipe [1952, French]<br />
* Firewalker<br />
* Flesh+Blood<br />
* Flight of the Phoenix [1965/2004]<br />
* The Journey to Kafiristan [German]<br />
* The Ghost and the Darkness<br />
* Golden Goddess of Rio Beni [German]<br />
* The Golden Voyage of Sinbad<br />
* Greed in the Sun [French]<br />
* Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan [the only approved Tarzan production]<br />
* Hauptmann Florian von der Mühle<br />
* Hidalgo<br />
* High Road to China (also known as "Raiders of the End of the World")<br />
* Himalaya [1999]<br />
* The Horseman on the Roof [French]<br />
* Indian Epic duology [1959]:<br />
** The Tiger of Eschnapur<br />
** The Indian Tomb<br />
* Indiana Jones [original trilogy]<br />
* Ivanhoe [1982]<br />
* Janosik [2009, Polish-Slovakian co-production]<br />
* Kerim, Son of the Sheik [Italian]<br />
* The King's Guard [2000]<br />
* King Arthur [2004]<br />
* King Kong [1933, 2005]<br />
* King Solomon's Mines [1950, 1985 and 2004 versions]<br />
* Kon-Tiki [Norwegian]<br />
* The Last Legion<br />
* Last of the Mohicans<br />
* The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen<br />
* The Librarian [TV movies franchise]<br />
* Long Way North [animated]<br />
* The Man Who Would Be King<br />
* Le masque de fer [1962]<br />
* Medicine Man [1992]<br />
* The Mummy [1999 - and only this one]<br />
* National Treasure<br />
* Pathfinder [Norwegian]<br />
* The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak [French Indiana Jones spoof] (avoid English dubbing, it kills '''all''' the jokes)<br />
* Pirates [1986]<br />
* Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl [2003] - sequels are only for rabid fans<br />
* Prince of Persia<br />
* Princess of Thieves<br />
* Queen of the Desert<br />
* Quest for Fire [1981]<br />
* Renegades [2017] (a perfect Merc 2000 module)<br />
* Revenge of the Musketeers [French, also known as "Daughter of d'Artagnan"]<br />
* The Road to El Dorado [Animated]<br />
* The Rocketeer<br />
* Romancing the Stone [and it's remake/update The Lost City]<br />
* The Sandokan series [Italian, 1964]<br />
* The Sea Hawk<br />
* She [1965 - and only this one]<br />
* Sheena: Queen of the Jungle<br />
* Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger<br />
* Sinbad the Sailor<br />
* Six Days, Seven Nights<br />
* Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow<br />
* The Snow Walker<br />
* Stand By Me (how to handle atypical quest with atypical party)<br />
* The Swordsman in Double Flag Town [Chinese]<br />
* Storm Over Ceylon [German]<br />
* The Three Musketeers [1973] and The Four Musketeers [1974]<br />
* Tintin - both the 2011 motion capture and old feature animations from the 60s (animated TV series is meanwhile approved cartoon)<br />
* Tomb Raider [2001] (Just bring lots of alcohol and friends)<br />
* The Vikings [1958]<br />
* The Warrior [2001, Korean cut, avoid the international one]<br />
* Wicked Lady [1983]<br />
<br />
==Film Serials==<br />
Serials are best watched like mini-series, rather than one continuous movie. All of those listed below are eternal genre classics (many of them invented various mainstay cliches and plot devices for adventure and action movies), doing pulp in its purest form. Quintessential material for any tongue-in-cheek games, along with stuff like Savage Worlds or Hollow Earth Expedition, which are just those stories as games.<br />
* Buck Rogers [1939]<br />
* The Call of the Savage [1935]<br />
* The Crimson Ghost [1946]<br />
* Daredevils of the Red Circle [1939]<br />
* Dick Tracy serials<br />
** Dick Tracy's G-Men [1939]<br />
** Dick Tracy vs. Crime, Inc. [1941]<br />
** Dick Tracy [1945]<br />
* Drums of Fu Manchu [1940]<br />
* Hawk of the Wilderness [1938]<br />
* Jungle Girl [1941]<br />
** Perils of Nyoka [1942], its unlicensed sequel<br />
* Jungle Jim [1937]<br />
* Jungle Queen [1945]<br />
* King of the Rocket Men [1949]<br />
* The Lost City [1935]<br />
* Lost City of the Jungle [1946]<br />
* The Lost Jungle [1934] & Darkest Africa [1936]<br />
* The Mysterious Pilot [1937]<br />
* The Phantom Empire [1935]<br />
* Red Barry [1938]<br />
* The Return of Chandu [1934]<br />
* The Secret of Treasure Island [1938]<br />
* The Shadow [1940]<br />
* Tailspin Tommy in the Great Air Mystery [1935]<br />
* Tarzan serials<br />
** Tarzan the Fearless [1933]<br />
** The New Adventures of Tarzan [1935]<br />
* Terry and the Pirates [1940]<br />
* The Tiger Woman [1945]<br />
* Undersea Kingdom [1936]<br />
* Zorro serials<br />
** Zorro Rides Again [1937]<br />
** Zorro's Fighting Legion [1939]<br />
<br />
==Western==<br />
* 3:10 to Yuma [1957]<br />
* Aferim! [Romanian]<br />
* The Ballad of Buster Scruggs<br />
* The Beguiled [1971]<br />
* Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid<br />
* Dances with Wolves (preferably extended edition; warning - it runs for almost 4 hours, but is well worth it)<br />
* The Dark Valley [Austrian]<br />
* Dead Man [1995]<br />
* Django [1966]<br />
* Django Unchained [unrelated with the above]<br />
* Dollars Trilogy [A Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More and The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - preferably extended cuts]<br />
* Gold [2013, German]<br />
* The Good, The Bad, The Weird [Korean] (Korean cut, not the international!)<br />
* The Hateful 8<br />
* High Noon<br />
* High Plain Drifter - all-Evil alignment western campaign<br />
* Jeremiah Johnson<br />
* Klondike (technically a mini-series, but it's a 4 hours long movie)<br />
* The Magnificent Seven [1960]<br />
* Man of the West<br />
* Maverick<br />
* Meek's Cutoff - an excruciating drama that is a fantastic showcase of what happens when you take out all the excitement and escapism out of the western and decide to run "muh realistic campaign".<br />
* Millionaires Express<br />
* My Name Is Nobody<br />
* Once Upon a Time in the West<br />
* Open Range<br />
* Outland - don't be confused by the sci-fi decorations<br />
* Pale Rider<br />
* The Quick and the Dead<br />
* Quigley down under<br />
* Rango [animated]<br />
* Rio Bravo<br />
* The Sabata trilogy [Italian]<br />
* Showdown at The O.K. Corral<br />
* Silverado<br />
* They call me Trinity<br />
* Tombstone<br />
* Treasure of the Silver Lake (along with other Winnetou films) - a warning of what happens if you have no clue how to run a western setting.<br />
* True Grit [1969 and 2010 versions]<br />
* Two Mules for Sister Sara<br />
* Unforgiven<br />
* The Wild Bunch<br />
* The Outlaw Josey Wales<br />
* White Sun of the Desert (Soviet "eastern")<br />
<br />
==Action==<br />
* Beach of the War Gods [1973, Chinese]<br />
* Ballerina [2023, Korean]<br />
* Becky<br />
** The Wrath of Becky<br />
* A Better Tomorrow [1986]<br />
* The Blade [Chinese]<br />
* Bleeding Steel [2017] - bad movie, but great collection of reusable set-pieces<br />
* Blind Fury<br />
* Blood Diamond<br />
* Blue Thunder<br />
* Born to Fight [2004, Thai]<br />
* Boss Level<br />
* Bunraku [2010]<br />
* Bullet Train<br />
* Centurion<br />
* The Chronicles of Riddick<br />
* Cobra<br />
* Collateral<br />
* Commando<br />
* Conspiracy Theory [1997]<br />
* The Dark Knight<br />
* The Departed [and original Infernal Affairs]<br />
* Die Hard 1 & 3<br />
* Elite Squad 1 & 2 [Brazilian]<br />
* Escape from New York<br />
* Face/Off<br />
* Five Deadly Venoms [Chinese]<br />
* Five Elements Ninjas [Chinese]<br />
* Freelance [2023]<br />
* The Hand of Death [Chinese]<br />
* Hanna<br />
* Hard Boiled [1992]<br />
* Haywire [2011]<br />
* The Heroic Trio [1993]<br />
* In the Line of Duty film series [Chinese] - at the very least "Yes, Madam!"<br />
* Jack Reacher<br />
* John Carpenter's Vampires<br />
* John Wick (at least the first one; the rest is totally optional)<br />
* Kill Bill, Volumes 1 and 2<br />
* The Killer Elite [1975]<br />
* Killer Elite [2012] (unrelated with above)<br />
* Knight and Day<br />
* Kung Fury<br />
* Last Action Hero<br />
* Lethal Weapon 1 & 2 [or entire quadrilogy]<br />
* The Long Kiss Goodnight<br />
* Mad Max series<br />
* Mission Impossible 3 & 4 (and only those two)<br />
* Mr. & Mrs. Smith<br />
* Next of Kin<br />
* Once upon a time in China 1 & 2<br />
* Ong-Bak [Thai]<br />
* Peking Opera Blues<br />
* Police Story film series [Chinese]<br />
* Polite Society<br />
* Predator & Predators<br />
* Raw Deal<br />
* Road House<br />
* Ronin [1998]<br />
* The Running Man<br />
* Running Scared [2006]<br />
* Steel Dawn<br />
* Stone Cold<br />
* Streets of Fire<br />
* The Taking of Tiger Mountain [Chinese] - be ready for lots of action cheese<br />
* The Transporter ('''only''' the first one)<br />
* Triple Frontier<br />
* True Lies<br />
* A Touch of Zen [Chinese]<br />
* The Untouchables<br />
* The Warriors<br />
* Waterworld (preferably the Ulysses Cut)<br />
* Wild Wild West<br />
* The Witch [2018, Korean] - only the first one<br />
* You're Next [2011]<br />
<br />
==War==<br />
* 1911 [2011]<br />
* 1944 [Estonian]<br />
* The 9th Company [Russian] (watch original version - English dub is just awful)<br />
* Alexander [Final Cut version, avoid like fire theatrical cut]<br />
* All Quiet on the Western Front [all three versions]<br />
* Apocalypse Now<br />
* Blue Max<br />
* Das Boot: [extended, serialised version - takes 5 hours, worth every minute]<br />
* The Bridge on the River Kwai<br />
* A Bridge Too Far<br />
* Colonel Wołodyjowski [Polish]<br />
* Crimson Tide<br />
* Come and See [Russian]<br />
* The Deluge [Polish]<br />
* The Dirty Dozen<br />
* The Dogs Of War<br />
* Full Metal Jacket [1987]<br />
* Fury<br />
* Gallipoli<br />
* Gettysburg (also available in a mini-series format)<br />
* Glory<br />
* Gods and Generals<br />
* Guns of Navarone<br />
** Force 10 from Navarone (so-so sequel, but far more applicable as tabletop material)<br />
* Hamburger Hill<br />
* Der Hauptmann [2017, German]<br />
* Hell in the Pacific<br />
* Inglourious Basterds<br />
* Kelly's Heroes (and it's remake/update, Three Kings)<br />
* Kingdom of Heaven [extended director's cut, very important]<br />
* Lawrence of Arabia<br />
* Legionnaire<br />
* Lone Survivor [2013] (as a case study of how and why high-level characters aren't invulnerable)<br />
* Lord of War<br />
* Manhunt [2012, Polish]<br />
* Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (how to maritime)<br />
* Massacre in the Black Forest [1967]<br />
* Mulan [Chinese from 2009 and animated from 1998]<br />
* Paths of Glory<br />
* Platoon<br />
* Red Cliff [Chinese full cut]<br />
* Sahara [1943/95, '''*not*''' the adventure flick from 2005]<br />
* Saving Private Ryan<br />
* Sharpe series [TV movies starring Sean Bean]<br />
* Soldier [1998]<br />
* Soldier of Orange [Dutch]<br />
* Spartacus [1960]<br />
* Steiner - Das Eisernes Kreuz [1977, German]<br />
* Thin Red Line<br />
* War [2002, Russian]<br />
* Waterloo [1970, Russian]<br />
* Where Eagles Dare<br />
* Windtalkers<br />
* Zwartboek [Dutch, '''only''' after watching Soldier of Orange]<br />
<br />
==Crime==<br />
* American Animals - obligatory watch to anyone running and playing BitD<br />
* Baby Assassins [Japanese], sequel is optional<br />
* Bacurau [Brazilian]<br />
* Battles Without Honor and Humanity series [Japanese]<br />
* The Big Sleep [1946]<br />
* Black Rain<br />
* Brawl in Cell block 99<br />
* The Casino<br />
* Chinatown<br />
* City of Industry<br />
* Crimson Rivers [French] (avoid English dubbing, it's horrible)<br />
* Croupier<br />
* Dirty Harry (the rest of the series is optional)<br />
* The Disappearance of Alice Creed (how to conserve details)<br />
* Dobermann [French] (chaotic evil campaign)<br />
* Dog Day Afternoon<br />
* Donnie Brasco<br />
* Dragged Across Concrete<br />
* The Emperor of Paris [French]<br />
* Entrapment [1999]<br />
* Escape from Alcatraz<br />
* French Connection<br />
* The Godfather I & II<br />
* Gone Girl<br />
* The Good Thief<br />
* The Handmaiden [Korean] (just watch it blind, don't read anything about it)<br />
* Heat [1995]<br />
* Heist [2001] (all-Rogue campaign)<br />
* Hell or High Water<br />
* A History of Violence<br />
* In the Shadow [2012, Czech]<br />
* Insomnia [2002]<br />
* Invalid [Slovak]<br />
* The Italian Job [1969 & 2003]<br />
* Kiss Kiss Bang Bang<br />
* Knives Out<br />
* L.A. Confidential<br />
* Layer Cake<br />
* The Long Goodbye [1973]<br />
* M [1931, German]<br />
* Matchstick Men<br />
* Money Train<br />
* Mr Brooks<br />
* The Nice Guys<br />
* No Country for Old Men<br />
* Ocean's Eleven [2001]<br />
* Olsen Gang series [Danish] - at least 1st, 6th and 8th movie, rest is optional<br />
* Palmetto<br />
* Payback [both theatrical and director's cut - two different films]<br />
** Get the Gringo<br />
* Plunkett & Macleane<br />
* Point Break [1991, the remake doesn't exist]<br />
* Pulp Fiction<br />
* Ransom<br />
* Red Rock West<br />
* Reindeer Games<br />
* Reservoir Dogs<br />
* The Score<br />
* A Simple Plan<br />
* Shallow Grave<br />
* Sneakers<br />
* The Spanish Prisoner<br />
* Sweat [2002, French] (stay away from English dubbing, it mistranslated half of the dialogues)<br />
* That Man from Rio [French] (preferably HD restored version)<br />
* The Thief [1981]<br />
* The Thieves [Korean]<br />
* The Thomas Crown Affair [both 1968 & 1999]<br />
* The Town [2010]<br />
* Training Day<br />
* Trance [2013]<br />
* The Truth About Charlie<br />
* Twilight [1998]<br />
* The Usual Suspects<br />
* The Witness [1985]<br />
* The Yakuza<br />
<br />
==General==<br />
* [[Mazes and Monsters]] - The "so bad it's good"-type movie. Based on a novel by a hack writer for ''Cosmopolitan'' that assumed [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Dallas_Egbert_III|James Dallas Egbert III's disappearance] had something to do with gaming. Starring Tom Hanks and the World Trade Center Towers (it was made before their destruction)<br />
** Skullduggery [1983] - the Canadian knock-off of the above, riding the wave of Satanic Panic. And it's so bad, it's fantastic<br />
* 13 Assassins [Japanese]<br />
* 7 Samurai [Japanese]<br />
* 1984 [1984]<br />
* 8MM<br />
* After the Dark (killer GM galore)<br />
* Aguirre, the Wrath of God [German]<br />
* Amadeus<br />
* The Ambassador [2011, Danish]<br />
* The American<br />
* As Far as My Feet Will Carry Me [German]<br />
* Astropia<br />
* Aragami [Japanese]<br />
* Azumi [Japanese] - sequel is optional<br />
* The Blood of Heroes/Salute to the Jugger [goes under both titles] - two words, my friend: "Walk slowly"<br />
* Baraka [obligatory HD restored version]<br />
* A Boy and His Dog<br />
* Caligula [1979]<br />
* Capricorn One<br />
* The Cell [2000]<br />
* The City of Lost Children<br />
* A Clockwork Orange<br />
* The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover<br />
* Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon<br />
* The Day After [1983]<br />
* Dead Calm [1989]<br />
* Death Wish [1974] (sequels are so hilariously bad they are painful to watch)<br />
* Deliverance<br />
* Der Untergang/Downfall<br />
* Les Diaboliques [both French original and the remake from 1996]<br />
* Dr. No<br />
* The Dressmaker<br />
* The Duelists<br />
* The Fall<br />
* Falling Down<br />
* <s>Fight Club</s> DON'T TALK ABOUT THIS<br />
* First Blood<br />
* Fort Saganne [French]<br />
* Four Souls of Coyote [Hungarian]<br />
* The Game [1997]<br />
* Gangs of New York<br />
* Geronimo: An American Legend<br />
* Ghost Dog<br />
* The Ghost Writer<br />
* The Great Escape<br />
* Harakiri [Japanese]<br />
* Heavy Metal [animated]<br />
* Hero [Chinese]<br />
* The Hidden Fortress [Japanese]<br />
* House of Flying Daggers [Chinese]<br />
* Humanity and Paper Balloons [Japanese]<br />
* The Hunt for Red October<br />
* In The Name Of The Rose<br />
* The Insider<br />
* Ironclad<br />
* Jurassic Park<br />
* Kagemusha [Japanese]<br />
* Koyaanisqatsi (rest of the Qatsi trilogy is optional. [[Approved music|Soundtrack is also approved.]])<br />
* Lagaan<br />
* The Last Valley<br />
* Legend of the Eight Samurai [Japanese]<br />
* Léon: the Professional<br />
** And its spoof, Wasabi<br />
* The Lion in Winter [1968]<br />
* The Lives of Others [German] (how to Lawful Evil)<br />
* The Madness of King George<br />
* Miracle Mile<br />
* The Mission [1986] (novelisation is approved literature, greatly expanding the story into TTRPG campaign territory. Also, amazing soundtrack.)<br />
* Money Talks [1997]<br />
* Nick of Time<br />
* Ninja Wars [Japanese]<br />
* North by North-West<br />
* Nowhere in Africa [German]<br />
* On the Beach [1959 & 2000]<br />
* Papillon [1973] - and stay away from the horrible remake<br />
* The Phantom of the Opera (only the 1925 and 2004 version)<br />
* The Piano<br />
* Proof [1991]<br />
* Ran [Japanese]<br />
* Rane [Serbian] - distilled Balkans<br />
* Rashômon [1950]<br />
* The Road<br />
* Rob Roy<br />
* Run Lola Run [German]<br />
* Runaway Train<br />
* Les Samurai [French]<br />
* Sanjuro [1962]<br />
* Sense and Sensibility<br />
* Sekal has to die [Czech-Polish co-production]<br />
* The Seventh Seal<br />
* Shawshank Redemption<br />
* Six-String Samurai<br />
* Sorcerer [1977, obligatory HD restored version]<br />
* The Stuff [1985]<br />
* Superman [1978] & Superman 2 [1980]<br />
* Surviving the Game<br />
* The Sword and the Rose<br />
* Sympathy for Lady Vengeance<br />
* Tai-Pan<br />
* Tasogare Seibei [Japanese]<br />
* Temptation of a Monk [Chinese]<br />
* A Time to Kill<br />
* Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy<br />
* Throne of Blood [Japanese]<br />
* These Final Hours (fetch-questing in style)<br />
* The Treasure of the Sierra Madre<br />
* Unbreakable<br />
* Vatel [French]<br />
* WarGames<br />
* The Wild Hunt<br />
* Yôjinbô [Japanese]<br />
* Zatōichi [''at least'' the 2003 film]<br />
* Zipang [Japanese]<br />
[[Category:Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=User:2d4fag&diff=1010018User:2d4fag2026-04-07T01:32:42Z<p>Pachinko Man: </p>
<hr />
<div>If you have any questions or concerns, put it in my talk page. You can also contact me on Discord @2d4fag.<br />
<br />
Current Projects:<br />
<br />
* Import better templates<br />
* <s>Setup QuestyCaptcha</s><br />
* <s>Nuke the Campaign namespace</s><br />
* Remove those joke templates they put at the top of the page<br />
* <s>Enable QuestyCaptcha for account creation</s><br />
* <s>Nuke TGHEIM namespace</s><br />
* Use Manual:Pywikibot/redirect.py to nuke broken redirects<br />
* Fix pages whose titles start with a forward slash.<br />
<br />
tbh I've given up. I'm going to kill myself once the weather warms up and the campaign I'm running ends. This site will stay up at least another year after I'm gone. Longer depending on what happens to the money in my bank account.<br />
<br />
R.I.P. (17.01.2025 - 03.05.2035) suicide LARPing loser.<br />
<br />
Yo faggot, if you ever decide to come back I have a plan to clean up all the godawful spam. Drop me a line on my user talk to give me the go-ahead.<br />
<br />
=== Grave-pissing: ===<br />
Lazy fucking attention whore faggot.<br />
<br />
A REAL piece of shit.</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Cartoons&diff=1010017Approved Cartoons2026-04-07T00:41:56Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Old Stuff & Remakes */</p>
<hr />
<div>{{/co/}}<br />
This is a list of [[/tg/]] '''approved [[/co/|cartoons]]''', organized loosely into genres.<br />
<br />
== Action ==<br />
*'''The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers''': 80s cartoons were all just merch-driven crap... aside from this gem. Amazingly high quality show, which is still perfectly watchable today (unlike pretty much anything else from the 80s). Mostly famous for combining space exploration, western and alien invasion, without falling into camp. Oh, and killing characters left and right. Think about it as a prototype Exosquad. Also, kick-ass music.<br />
<br />
*'''The Adventures of Tintin''': A faithful (but still censored, though not as much as the burgers would) adaptation of the classic Franco-Belgian comics series, combining quality animation with that pulpy adventure feeling. Think Indiana Jones, but with an action reporter instead of an action archeologist. And just like the source material, the series deftly balances humor, pulp qualities and serious, often dark themes (on average at least one dead body per episode and this is still a kid-friendly show).<br />
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*'''Blake and Mortimer''': Another Franco-Belgian comic adaptation. This time it's about the adventures of two Brits: Scottish scientist Philip Mortimer and Welsh Captain Francis Blake of MI5. Spy fiction, exotic adventures, weird science and ancient mythos - what more could you expect from what started as a pulp magazine? If you ever plan to run ''[[Hollow Earth Expedition]]'', this is one of the best possible inspirations.<br />
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*'''Cybersix''': What was originally an adult-oriented Argentinian cyberpunk comics about Nazi escaped experiment fighting for her life was bizarrely adapted into children-oriented animated series. Probably due to how easily it is to mistake it for capeshit, despite not being even close to it. Worth watching due to sheer crazyness of the content alone.<br />
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*'''Exosquad''': The European Front of World War II '''IN SPACE''' with Mechs and Power Armor. It is well plotted and can get incredibly dark for what is supposed to be a kids show with a very high body count and lots of fun with genocide. Even so it suffered from having a small budget and a few sub par designs.<br />
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*'''Gargoyles''': Disney's serious response to Batman: TAS (as opposed to Disney's satirical response to Batman: TAS of Darkwing Duck, which was pretty damn good itself if a bit more conventionally cartoony). A band of [[Gargoyle]]s (winged strong humanoids with claws that can cut steel that turn into stone during the day) live in Scotland the middle ages fighting Vikings, get betrayed, frozen in stone and are re-awakened in modern New York by a businessman who could give Tzeentch lessons in plotting played by William Riker. Stories of betrayal, romance, robots, suits of [[power armor]], cyborgs and a fair number of magical things borrowing from a variety of sources, but most notably the works of William Shakespeare.<br />
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*'''Gravity Falls''': 12-year-old fraternal twins Dipper and Mabel get sent to spend a summer with their shady "grunkle" Stan at his woodland tourist trap in Gravity Falls. Naturally the town is packed with more absurd supernatural shit than your average [[Call of Cthulhu]] campaign, though a good deal more noblebright (at least most of the time). In Stan's own words, the show has "a big mystery element! And a lot of humor that goes over kids' heads!" Notable for ending mostly organically at two seasons, with an only somewhat rushed finale wrapping things up before seasonal decay could ruin things.<br />
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*'''Invader Zim:''' A cult classic sci-fi series about a little green cyborg bug alien who is banished to Earth after after he almost accidentally his throneworld and tries to conquer the planet while posing as a school student along with his insane robot GIR. The only one on Earth who knows Zim is an alien is the wannabe cryptozoologist Dib Membrane. Zim's race, the Irken, are effectively kid-friendly [[Skaven]] in space and Zim is their [[Thanquol]] equivalent, which neatly explains why the Reddit generation went bananas for the show as kids. Cancelled due to the cultural whiplash from 9/11 and tonally clashing with what was already becoming the SpongeBob Channel, its pop culture impact was such that it got a series finale movie almost 20 years later, "Enter the Florpus".<br />
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*'''The Legend of Calamity Jane''': A too-good-to-last 90s cult classic. Probably the best "serious" animated western. Since it wasn't exactly made with kids in mind, it provides a lot of mature content. Which is the main reason why moral watchdogs killed it after just 13 episodes.<br />
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*'''Motorcity:''' Corporate overlord Mark Hamill has built an apple brand hive city on top of post apocalyptic Detroit and rules it with an iron fist while a band of renegades fights him from the Detroit Underhive with high tech muscle-cars. Similar to Megas XLR in a lot of ways, including being screwed over by the Network Execs.<br />
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*'''Nanook's Great Hunt''': A French-Canadian co-production, telling a story of a young Inuit boy on his self-declared quest to hunt down a mythical Great Bear which brought famine to his people. All in the backdrop of early 20th century and modernity slowly pushing even into the frozen fringes of the world. Borderline fantasy, since as long as things are viewed from Inuit perspective, everything is explained by magical thinking. Worth watching even for the setting and lore alone.<br />
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*'''Primal''': A show by Genndy Tartovsky about a Caveman and a T. Rex trying to survive in a brutal primitive fantasy world. Features the same creativity and elegancy in simplicity as Samurai Jack, just in a radically different setting and with the benefit of a TV-MA rating.<br />
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*'''Roughnecks: [[Starship Troopers]] Chronicles''': Take the best parts of the book and film and none of the crap. One of the early CGI shows (and it shows) cut short due to budget (as in just short of the ending).<br />
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*'''[[Samurai Jack]]:''' A wandering samurai lost in the future kicks ass and saves lives in his quest to get home. Elegance in simplicity. Amazing animation. [[Kaldor Draigo]] ''wishes'' he could be this cool.<br />
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* '''Star Wars The Clone Wars:''' Not to be confused with the other one from 2005. A TV series that started out bad and gradually got better, while also injecting gradually enough grimdark to make some question how this show was for kids. Include the awesomeness that is the Clone Troopers and their incredibly talented VA, who has starred in several of the shows on this list, great character development all over the board and smart ass one-liners. Really just did a fantastic job with the lore and expanding the universe. It is advised to skim through the first two seasons, as the series was still trying to figure out what it wants to be. Then again, maybe don’t, since the first two do have some important plot points for later, but you have been warned.<br />
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*'''Todd McFarlane's Spawn''': Imagine a world where animated series aren't related with kids and "animated" doesn't mean "low quality". That's the world from which Spawn was accidentally teleported from. Dark as fuck, it plays anti-hero dial so high you seriously wonder if the guy can even quality as a hero at all. Worth even for the imagery alone. It gave us Keith David as the man himself (bless his sexy, deep voice).<br />
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*'''[[War Planets]]/Shadow Raiders''': Forgotten third show from Mainframe in the 90s, alongside Reboot and Beast Wars. Four alien races that have been screwing each other over for thousands of years because they need the resources of each other's worlds have to put aside their difference in the face of a common foe -- a "Beast Planet" that devours entire worlds and their civilisations whole, overwhelming its prey first with armies of mindless drones. Very intense, very good characters, plenty of action. The Beast Planet is kind of a "[[Necron]]s imitating [[Tyranid]]s" enigma, which may be a good or a bad thing.<br />
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*'''[[Wakfu]]''': A French cartoon based on a video game which itself is the sequel to a mmorpg, is bizarrely good for its first few seasons. Also full of cheesecake and weeaboo; the Ankama execs have admitted [[PROMOTIONS|"there are some sketches that can't leave ths studio"]], bless those crazy French.<br />
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* '''Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?''': There's a good chance your local "Well, akshually" guy got at least some of the trivia from this cartoon in his youth. One improbable heist job after another, pure pulp adventure and tomb-raiding, with Squidward as a factoid-spouting AI - what's not to like?<br />
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== Capeshit ==<br />
*'''Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes''': A [[Marvel Comics]] animated series about the titular Avengers. Unlike the later Avengers Assemble show, it relies primarily on the comics for it's inspiration rather than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Also unlike the later Avengers show, it's actually good. Does a good job at balancing "monster of the week" episodes with a couple of running plot arcs across two seasons.<br />
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*'''[[Batman]]: The Animated Series:''' In a time when most cartoons were still [[My Little Pony|glorified half hour toy commercials]] BtAS dared to defy convention with a dark art style (literally, they drew the animation frames on black paper), darker themes, and characters you actually gave a shit about. This show was so iconic that a lot of the stuff you ''think'' was from the comic book (Harley Quinn, Mr. Freeze's wife Nora, Bruce being Best Friends with Harvey Dent before turning into TwoFace, and more recently, the Phantasm) actually started here. The show also gave us an incredibly well-rounded view of Bruce Wayne beyond his brooding demeanor, with episodes highlighting his philanthropic nature and genuine care for Gotham's people, even the no-name thugs that he's able to rehabilitate. This should be mandatory viewing for people making Batman films... unfortunately, [[DC Comics]] isn't that smart.<br />
**'''Batman: Beyond:''' Sequel to the above series about a future Gotham where Bruce Wayne is a cranky old man who had to give up being Batman due to heart problems, in which a teenager is reluctantly accepted as a replacement Batman, using cyber-armor that is basically the batsuit sans cape but with rocket boots. Aside being a worthy contender for best animated Batman, it's also a great mine for cyberpunk ideas and storylines.<br />
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*'''My Life as a Teenage Robot:''' Another cult classic Nickelodeon cartoon starring Jenny "XJ9" Wakeman, a teenage girl who tries to have a normal teenage life despite being a robotic superhero who saves the world from kaiju and meteors. Borrows heavily from Astro Boy and 50s B-movies for its aesthetic. The show was cancelled shortly after the made for TV movie due to not being SpongeBob, but the legend lives on and Jenny reigns eternal as the Queen of [[/co/]]. A fan continuation developed with the approval of the series creator is in production.<br />
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*'''Spider-Man: The Animated Series:''' One of the series that were Marvel's attempt to challenge the DC Animated Universe, most of which (Batman TAS, Batman Beyond, Superman TAS, Justice League) are already mentioned here. Whilst hindered by an absolutely '''insane''' chief executive who labeled ludicrous restrictions on the show (for example, Spidey was never allowed to be shown punching people), it had an amazingly creative writing team who managed to miraculously pull off a decent cartoon despite her. Drawing heavily from the 90s and late 80s comic, it had season-long story arcs, actual character development, and plenty of fantastical action sequences. It's not as good as BtAS due to a lesser budget and the aforementioned restrictions, but it is generally considered the absolute best of the Spidey cartoons, saving perhaps maybe the Spectacular Spider-Man from the early 2000s.<br />
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*'''Spider-Man 1966:''' One of several series of "motion comics" that Marvel put out in the 1960s, including ones for the Fantastic Four, the Incredible Hulk, Captain America, Iron Man and [[Thor]]. Limited animation, but the visuals and the plots are so batshit insane that it's worth watching just for laughs. A legendary fountain of memes just about everywhere on the Internet.<br />
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*'''Superman: The Animated Series:''' About the same quality of writing as the latest episodes of B:tAS. This features 'the' seminal, if less popular, superhero: Superman from the planet Krypton. Made largely by the same crew as the above Batman, this series is another of the so christened 'Timmverse' that ended with ''Justice League''.<br />
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*''' Teen Titans''' (2003): A product of those few years when Cartoon Network was trying really hard to be weeaboo, strictly inferior to the DCAU but still makes it onto the list. Mixes adapting stories from the legendary (as in "nobody remembers anything else about the team") Wolfman/Perez run with a truly bizarre original rogues' gallery, including Mad Mod (Mad Hatter knockoff who uses mind control tech to make America properly Bri'ish again), Mother Mae-Eye (the witch from Hansel and Gretel as cosmic horror), and Control Freak (Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons as a supervillain). Suffers from tonal whiplash (as if the last sentence wasn't enough of a clue), some skub comic adaptations and a few plot holes, but still remembered fondly thanks to [[Rule 34|<s>a /b/tard named Zone</s>]] a quality ensemble cast, good-enough writing and just being a fun ride in general.<br />
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*'''[[Transformers]]''': Near-legendary multi-series franchise dating back to the mid-80s, all of which revolve, in some way, around giant alien robots fighting a war that has been raging for millions of years without end. Different series have different aspects, so pick carefully.<br />
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*'''[[X-Men]]: The Animated Series:''' One of the sister shows to the aforementioned SMtAS, and generally regarded of the best of them. Takes all of Spidey's creativity and faithfulness to the comics, lifts some of the restrictions, but also piles on an extra serving of ham and cheese. The story goes the voice actors were Shakespearean theatre trainees and couldn't quite get the hang of toning it down. Still, if you like voluptuous Southern belles suplexing giant robots whilst their hot African weather witch partner rants like an angry goddess, you've come to the right show.<br />
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*'''Young Justice''': A DC animated show wherein Batman recruits the sidekicks and super-powered relatives of various heroes to serve as a black ops team for the Justice League. In spite of starring a bunch of teenagers, everyone still gets decent character development when the show isn't trying to be Dawson's Creek with superpowers. Unfortunately canceled because the execs felt it wasn't toyetic enough, then renewed for a third season to drive subscriptions for DC's exclusive streaming service.<br />
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== Comedy ==<br />
*'''[[Adventure Time]]'''. tl;dr: A D&D nerd gets a blank check from Cartoon Network, [[skub]] ensues. Starts off [[Chaotic Stupid|random is funny]], and never really gives up on that, but slowly reveals itself to be set in a Grimdark post-apocalyptic fantasy world inhabited by mutants and whatever remains of Earth's original animal population. The main character is one of the few humans left alive. Has [[skub]]tastic reputation due to its noodle art style and the writers using it as a vent for their personality problems in later seasons until they completely forgot they weren't writing for Adult Swim. Also, [[PROMOTIONS|you want to fuck the vampire.]]<br />
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*'''Archer:''' Think "Arrested Development" meets James Bond. It's an adventure comedy about an alcoholic man-child who just so happens to be the world's most dangerous secret agent, and his equally deranged co-workers which include, but are not limited to; a sex addict accountant, a sadistic pyromaniac ditz, a bare-knuckle boxing Human Resource manager, a sassy black woman with abnormally large hands, the main-character's narcissistic mother, and a mad nazi scientist. Hilarious, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHAHEhhJisk ultra quotable], and great source material for secret agent role-playing.<br />
** Later seasons ('''Dreamland''', '''Danger Island''' and '''1999''') are all self-contained genre spoofs, respectively a hard-boiled detective story, an Indy-style pulp adventure and IN SPACE! - and as such can be watched even without the broader context of the series.<br />
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*'''Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law:''' Williams Street dragging Hanna-Barbera into an alleyway, brutally mugging them, and rifling through their pockets for old cartoon clips. Together with its sister series Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast and Sealab 2021 (below) this is what put Adult Swim on the map for adult animation, spawning dozens of imitators and predicting the rise of the YouTube Poop years later. Can be mined for plotlines for "whodunnit" adventures in addition to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeRTo8MuTrw just plain weirdness] that [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y11lxG8WM9M can inspire greatness] at the table-top.<br />
*'''Futurama''': Where a good chunk of the original Simpsons writing team went when ''The Simpsons'' became Zombie Simpsons. Moronic delivery boy Philip J. Fry gets frozen on New Year's Eve 1999 and wakes up in the year 3000, where he's forced to be an ''interplanetary'' delivery boy and deal with aliens, robots, his mad scientist descendant, and the show getting canceled every few years. Probably the most recognizable sci-fi parody out there, has [[Futurama: Now With Dice|its own RPG]] based on the [[Toon]] system, above all guest-starring [[E. Gary Gygax|Gary motherfucking Gygax]] hisself, most notably in a full TV movie where the cast gets trapped in a [[D&D]] campaign come to life. ''"Anyone want to play D&D for the next quadrillion years?"''<br />
<br />
*'''Inside Job:''' Rick and Morty rip-off about conspiracy theories. The main character is a chronically overworked, mildly insane genius working for a front company that secretly pulls the strings behind every crazy conspiracy theory in existence, all of which are true (but you already knew that). President getting replaced by a robot? That's the pilot. Illuminati, Lizard People and Atlanteans having blood orgies at the Bohemian Grove? Yup, it's here. Secret shadowy cabals managing the world in a way no one notices? That's just real life. Everyone is insane, paranoid and on the cusp of a mental breakdown. A nice break from just replaying Deus Ex to prepare for your next Illuminati/Conspiracy X/Unknown Armies campaign.<br />
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*'''Megas XLR:''' [[Tau|I DIG GIANT ROBOTS. YOU DIG GIANT ROBOTS. CHICKS DIG GIANT ROBOTS.]] That's all you really need to know. Big robots and funny shit. It's also the [[Ork|Orkiest]] show ever made, the Gork to [[Approved anime|Gurren Lagann's]] Mork.<br />
*'''SeaLab 2021''': Conceptually in the same vein as Venture Bros but as a direct sequel to the straight-faced environmentalist SeaLab 2020, kind of. Episodes mostly consist of reused SeaLab 2020 stock animation or just entire scenes repurposed to parody SeaLab 2020 and 90 cartoons in general. At least one episode is a literal comedy redub of a vintage episode, and roughly a third end with everyone dying in an explosion. Basically [[Space Station 13]] the series.<br />
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*'''The Venture Bros.''' An absurd parody of Jonny Quest, 60's animated shows, comic books, and pretty much every action franchise ever. Episodes primarily theme around failure (so great for 4chan) and absurd comedy. Can be [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D8aBP-JOZsU hilarious] but like Austin Powers, it's hard to appreciate the comedy of it unless you've seen the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonny_Quest source material].<br />
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== Fantasy ==<br />
*'''[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]''': Considered by many to be the gold standard for animated shows in the 00'es and one of the best Western-made narrative shows. It has garnered many a fan for their funny characters, deep story lines, character development and a setting that's uniquely Asian without being weeaboo. The sequel series, Legend of Korra, is hilariously [[skub]]tastic and considered only good for [[Rule 34]] by much of /co/, though it has its bright spots.<br />
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*'''[[Castlevania]]''': A Netflix animated-series about the old Castlevania games of yore, Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse to be precise. Follows the exploits of Trevor Belmont, who tries to live up to the legacy of his family and travels the grimdark land of Transsylvania in classic Castlevania fashion. To keep the whip cracking and dagger throwing from growing stale, he is accompanied by Dracula's son Alucard and the mage Sypha on his quest to exterminate the forces of evil (Grant the rogue gets shafted as usual). The show is beautifully animated, overall very well written and just an absolute joyride from front to back. Fans of the original games will feel especially jerked off, as the creators have gone to great lenghts to be as close to the source material as possible (discounting the exclusion of Grant from the hero's posse), like recreating the exact attacks of enemies and remixing the original music. A second show is in the making which will cover the exploits of Trevor's descendant Richter Belmont and his lady love Maria Renard, set during the French Revolution.<br />
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*'''[[Conan the Adventurer]]''': A very solid cartoon from the early 90s based off of, what else? [[Conan the Barbarian]]. Probably best known for its rocking opening theme (WARRIOR WITHOUT FEAR!), but it's very mineable for [[Dungeons & Dragons]] and has a lot of actual novel lore scattered through the kid-friendly stuff.<br />
*'''The Dragon Prince''': The two sons of a dead king, an elvish assassin, and a pet toad travel across the world in hopes of reuniting the titular dragon prince with his parents and stopping all-out war between humans and elves. Seven seasons. Has tie-in RPG, '''Tales of Xadia''', using the Cortex System<br />
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*'''[[D%26D_Cartoon|Dungeons & Dragons]]''': An absolute classic, worth watching even for the sake of the status alone. While the series still shows a lot of potential, most of it was wasted on too short episodes made on shoe-string budget. Being partially entangled into the [[Satanic Panic]] didn't help either. Still, worth watching. Just bring beer and friends. And a notepad for oldschool ideas. Sadly never got a proper canon ending. Is ''incredibly'' popular in Brazil, too.<br />
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*'''Jumanji''': Like a lot of successful and semi-successful films, Jumanji ended up with a follow-up cartoon. Pretty much what you'd want to see if Alan had stayed in Jumanji and Peter and Judy went on adventures with him. While the art style is (intentionally) weird, the episodes are amazingly mineable for campaigns and world-building ideas. Also featured many references to other works, but with a fun twist.<br />
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*'''Love, Death & Robots''': An animated anthology series that's all over the place, from comedy to cosmic horror and from pure skub for easy clickbait to genuinely good content, but remains very minable. First season's "[[Tyranids|Suits]]", "[[Vampire|Sucker of Souls]]", "[[Machine_Spirit|Lucky 13]]", "[[Kitsune|Good Hunting]]" and especially "[[Warp|Beyond the Aquila Rift]]" and "[[Delta_Green|The Secret War]]" are very much approved. The second season is full of shit, tho, skip it outright. Third season's entire saving grace comes in form of "[[Gothic_Horror|Bad Travelling]]" and if you squint really hard, then "[[Delta_Green|In Vaulted Halls Entombed]]" and "[[Q'Orl | Swarm]]" (if you believe in the theory that the [[Eldar]] created the [[Tau]]) get a pass. The rest is mostly cool visuals (with acid trips) and jokes about America. Fourth season continues the trend - single saving grace in the form of ''[[Achtung! Cthulhu|How Zeke Got Religion]]'', hard squinting at ''[[Ironclaw|For He Can Creep]]'', bunch of cool visuals and a metric tonne of shit. Originally intended as a successor to the legendary (and wholeheartedly approved) Heavy Metal movie but with modern creatives, which explains a lot.<br />
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*'''The New Adventures of Ocean Girl''': An Australian animated series, predominately aimed at teenage girls, but coming in a package with a complex world full of original races. Good world-building and bunch of interesting plot hooks and easy-to-reuse plot twists.<br />
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*'''Omer and the Starchild''': A French animated series. A truly rich world-building mixed with a lot of New Age imagery and unexpectedly dark story for a kids show. The series follows adventures of Dan, the titular Starchild, in his quest to free "Twelve Wizards" and unite them against the evil Morkhan.<br />
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*'''Papyrus''': An animated adaptation of Franco-Belgian comics. An epic tale of a young fisherman tangled into the conflict between Egyptian gods, tasked with the mission of freeing Horus and putting end to the reign of Seth... regardless if Papyrus himself wants to or not as he is but a plaything of the gods.<br />
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*''' Pirates of Dark Water''': A science-fantasy cartoon. The alien world of Mer is being devoured by an evil substance known as Dark Water. Only Ren, a young prince, can stop it by finding the lost Thirteen Treasures of Rule. His loyal crew of misfits that help in his journey are ecomancer Tula, a monkey-bird Niddler, and treasure-hungry pirate Ioz. The evil pirate lord Bloth will stop at nothing to get the treasures for himself and provides many obstacles for Ren and his crew. Standard quest for magic artifacts to stop an eldritch evil, but the creature design is where things got badass. The world of Mer was home to many creatures which can inspire a GM. There was also an [https://archive.org/details/podw-rpg-charactersheets/podw-rpg-charactersheets/ official role-playing game].<br />
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*'''Skeleton Warriors''': Knights of a science-fantasy kingdom must fight against a group of power-hungry warriors who attempted to seize ancient relics, relics that mutated them into hideous Skeleton Warriors! Had an awesome theme song.<br />
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*'''W.I.T.C.H.''': So you want magical girl warriors, but you dislike anime? Here is the answer then, as it delivers exactly that, with all the possible plot bits and the general feel without, well, being a Chinese cartoon. Plus neat urban fantasy and teen characters that feel like teens (early 00s teens, that is).<br />
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== Old Stuff & Remakes ==<br />
*'''[[Masters of the Universe|He-Man/She-Ra]]:''' The original 80s [[Sword & Sorcery]] cartoon and the first 30-minute toy commercial. He-Man is a cosmically-empowered [[barbarian]] hero who has to juggle his daily life as the foppish Prince Adam and his muscle-bound alter-ego to defend Castle Greyskull from the forces of Skeletor, an evil wizard who seeks to claim the castle and the cosmic powers it holds to rule the universe. Made to sell every single crazy toy the designers could come up with after Reagan's FCC deregulated children's television. It's 80s fucking bullshit to the extreme, but if you can embrace the cheese and get past the memetically limited animation, it's actually good, clean turn-your-brain-off fun, with plenty of ideas to mine for a more S&S or old-school [[Science Fantasy]] setting. "She-Ra" is literally "He-Man for girls", with Prince Adam's twin sister Adora using the twin to He-Man's sword of power to turn into a super-powered [[Amazon]] warrior, leading a resistance on the magical world of Etheria against the Horde, an invading army of space monsters and robots. "She-Ra" was conceived totally as a cashgrab to take advantage of the fact that "He-Man" was [[PROMOTIONS|surprisingly popular]] with girls, so it's even more of a toy commercial then "He-Man" and suffers for it quality wise.<br />
** An early 90s remake tried to rebrand He-Man (since it was also one of the forerunners of "cartoons as toy commercials" in the 80s) and failed flat. Mostly forgotten, since it dropped everything unique about the setting, replacing it with generic science fiction. These days very few even remember this thing even existed, with more than likely many not wanting to remember it. Easily one of (if not the) worst things in whole franchise.<br />
** A 2001 remake of He-Man attempted to create a more serious and focused take on the show. It worked, but sadly it died after two seasons due to a lack of an audience. Dig it up and enjoy it if you can for as far as remakes are concerned it is one of the best things to come out of the franchise.<br />
** A 2018 "remake" called She-Ra and the Princesses of Power...exists. While it ''barely'' manages to have a better story and animation than the original, it suffers very badly from (in the showrunner's own words) "the gay agenda" and a tumblr-esque obession with cribbing from anime instead of doing its own thing.<br />
** The 2021/2022 "He-Man & The Masters of the Universe" show reimagines Eternia as [[Science Fantasy|an advanced technological world whose magical past is being brought back]]. Despite a rather weird animation style and some borderline [[SJW]] choices (replacing Ram-Man with a female counterpart, most notable), largely considered to ''not'' be as shit as the 2017 Revelation series.<br />
* '''Jana of the Jungle''': Hanna-Barbera's take on the archetypical pulp character of "blond chick in fur bikini raised by natives, now having adventures in the jungle with her big cat". As such, it tackles just about every single possible scenario and accompanying archetypes from those pulps, making it a condensed way to learn the ropes with this kind of stuff. Somewhat on the short note (it was a companion show, rather than its own thing), but still good watch, prime idea-mining material, and, above all, not taking itself too seriously.<br />
* '''Jonny Quest:''' '''''The''''' adventure series from Hanna-Barbera, notable originally for being first "realistic" cartoon to be made and having amounts of violence and brutality - for a show ostentiably aimed at very young kids - that makes moral watchdogs twitch to this day. For those same reasons, it is also never-ending source of pulp ideas and weird science plots. Even if you never saw it, there is a high chance you can recognise the characters and hum the main theme, regardless of nationality. Comes in three distinctive flavours, all three very much approved:<br />
** The original series from the 60s, titled simply ''Jonny Quest''.<br />
** 80s revival series, ''The New Adventures of Jonny Quest'', which came with animation bump, updated the setting and made if far more kid-friendly, without losing the adventuring vibe<br />
** 90s Cartoon Network sponsored remake, ''Jonny Quest: The Real Adventures'', which finally realised the series mostly watched by teen boys could benefit from having a teen-aged main character.<br />
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*'''Lucky Luke''': An animated adaptation of a classic Franco-Belgian comics, done with help of Hanna-Barbera, following adventures of titular Lucky Luke - a cowboy so fast with his gun, he can even outdraw his shadow. Just like its source material, it's humorous in style and spoofs various staples of western genre, but never becomes an outright parody. Your gunslinger PC ''wishes'' to be this cool and suave.<br />
** Got a new series in 2001, aptly titled '''The New Adventures of Lucky Luke.''' It was never screened to the original creator, Morris, for review and they waited until he died before releasing it, because they knew it was crap and he would cry foul.<br />
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*'''The Mysterious Cities of Gold''': Throw into a shaker El Dorado, greedy conquistadors, dashing adventurers, an alien race of Mayan precursors... and a group of children tangled into the middle of it. Stir together, serve chilled. It's a high grade adventuring in the Latin America, easily passing modern quality standards without any issues and not struggling with any kind of typical cartoon censorship (thank God for the French). Oh, and it's a continuous plot, rather than villain-of-a-week type of deal - so you get a story of epic proportions, with equally impressive prep to to make it all work and come together, with world-building to carry it through. It's also one of the first "big" cartoons to be done in collaboration with the Japanese (Studio Pierrot), so on technicality, it's an anime. Absolute classic and if you aren't a literal zoomer, you probably saw it as a kid.<br />
** Got renewed in 2012 and 2016, thirty goddamn years after original premiere, for two additional seasons. To make it weirder, it picks the plot where the original, self-contained series ended, so you pretty much have to watch the whole thing to "get" it. Still worth every minute.<br />
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* '''Thundarr the Barbarian:''' Hanna-Barbera's [[Science Fantasy]] series set in the far future ruins of the United States. It's a collection of everything popular in early 80s: fantasy, post-apocalypse, buff barbarians, Chewbacca look-alikes, <s>tits</s> princesses, light sabers and cheese. Copious amounts of cheese. If you ever wanted to run pulp megadungeon, look no further for inspiration. Aged far better than most 80s cartoons, since it wasn't intended to be a 20 minute long toy commercial.<br />
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*'''[[Thundercats]]:''' Regarded by /tg/ as "Dangerously [[Furry]]: the Cartoon". A [[Science Fantasy]] series revolving around a group of survivors from the destroyed world of Thundera crashlanding on the apocalyptic ruins of a far-future Earth and trying to rebuild their civilization, whilst battling mutants, monsters, magic and the ancient [[mummy]]-[[lich]]-thing called "Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living". Essentally He-Man, but more focus on action than goofy comedy and cribbing more than a bit from contemporary anime. Infamous for the Cheetara Paradox: if you want to bang Cheetara you're a furfag, but if you don't you're gay. Like He-Man, it also got a darker, edgier, more serious 2011 remake that fell through because <s>nobody watched it</s> <s>everyone was turned away by the tone shift</s> [[Derp|Cartoon Network wanted to replace it with Lego Chima]]. While the 2011 version is incomplete it still a very enjoyable watch as long as you don't mind some minor pacing problems.<br />
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== Web Series ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Amazing Digital Circus''': ''I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream'' as a black comedy. Leave it to millennials to turn one of the most [[grimdark]] stories in history into something people would want to fap to. The story of a hapless office worker ensnared by Caine - a rogue AI who brainjacks humans for his "circus" and "entertains" them with Roblox-style VR games as they slowly go insane from losing their bodies, until they finally succumb to bitrot and become mindless monsters. Brutal existentialism and the hollowness of modern society wrapped in a candy coating, and the [[Server Crash]] adaptation we never asked for.<br />
* '''Ongezellig''': Title literally translates to "unfriendliness" so you know you're in for a ride. Ensemble comedy about adopted sisters [[/pol/|Mymy]], [[/a/|Maya]] and [[Tumblr|Coco]] showing off their deep-seated personality problems as they work through a school project. Great material for schtick at the table and reaction webms, and Mymy gets a special mention for joining the likes of Konata and Lain in 4chan's "literally me club" almost from the word go.<br />
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== Honorable Mentions ==<br />
*'''[[BattleTech]]:''' Yes, BattleTech had a cartoon series. It talks about a Adam Steiner and the 1st Somerset Strikers. It wasn't that good. Its production value was lacklustre and being forced into the animation age ghetto did not help. Its notable for its early use of transiting between traditional cel-animation and computer-generated imaging. While not godawful it was at best a slightly above average Saturday morning cartoon that's inappropriate to it's subject manner. What's even more notable is that the show exists in the BattleTech universe. You read that right, this cartoon that depicts BattleTech actually exists in the BattleTech universe. Can give inspiration on how the actions of a party can be distorted or changed to fit a different narrative. Also attracts much [[rage]] from fans of [[The Clans]] because the series is based around Inner Sphere protagonists, and thus the Clans are shown as a bunch of lunatics who just randomly showed up and invaded one day. So of course, CGL retconned the cartoon to be an in-universe propaganda cartoon made by the Inner Sphere, and the actual events of the show required a much larger army to accomplish than our plucky band of heroes, fighting against second-line Clan garrisons rather than the elites of the first invasion.<br />
*'''Men in Black: The Series:''' One of numerous 90s projects to turn successful blockbusters into Saturday morning cartoons. It has a simple enough premise: Agent Kay didn't retire after the events of the first movie, so he's still Jay's partner and they work cases together. Police procedural for kids, just with aliens, superheroes and all the other weird shit the writers could get away with. Quality is all over the place (which is why it's borderline unapproved), but a good source of ideas for your Laundry Files and Delta Green campaigns.<br />
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*'''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] AKA Sonic SatAM''': A animated adaption of Sonic the Hedgehog. Well regarded by fans as something of a cult classic. Do be warned it is full of 90's cheese, it was a Saturday morning cartoon meant to make money off of a cartoon character after all. One special note is Jim Cummings in one of the scarier depictions of Dr. Robotnik. Also features one of the better depictions of nature vs industrialization, less green Aesop and more freedom from slavery (most of the time). Mineable for concepts and a good villain. [[Chris-chan|Possibly even watched by the]] [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|God-Emperor of Mankind.]] The Archie comic is also of note since it does technically continue the story, though do be warned of Ken Penders. He is considered the Matt Ward of the Sonic Fandom ([[What|except somehow much worse]]). <br />
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*'''World of Quest:''' Think ''He-Man'', but without any toys to sell or Twitter drama to follow. Also think: late 00s "le funny nerd stuff parody", so it's crude, formulaic to a fault and with humor that's hard to take even when drunk... but the series still crams 50 basic campaign ideas (almost all episodes are double stories) for a kitchen-sink fantasy setting without even trying to pretend it's not about mindless fun. In fact, the set-ups are so basic, you can literally pop any given episode 10 minutes prior to the game you "forgot" to prepare for your group and still get a comedic scenario for them by the time they arrive.<br />
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[[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Approved_Cartoons&diff=1010016Approved Cartoons2026-04-07T00:33:45Z<p>Pachinko Man: </p>
<hr />
<div>{{/co/}}<br />
This is a list of [[/tg/]] '''approved [[/co/|cartoons]]''', organized loosely into genres.<br />
<br />
== Action ==<br />
*'''The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers''': 80s cartoons were all just merch-driven crap... aside from this gem. Amazingly high quality show, which is still perfectly watchable today (unlike pretty much anything else from the 80s). Mostly famous for combining space exploration, western and alien invasion, without falling into camp. Oh, and killing characters left and right. Think about it as a prototype Exosquad. Also, kick-ass music.<br />
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*'''The Adventures of Tintin''': A faithful (but still censored, though not as much as the burgers would) adaptation of the classic Franco-Belgian comics series, combining quality animation with that pulpy adventure feeling. Think Indiana Jones, but with an action reporter instead of an action archeologist. And just like the source material, the series deftly balances humor, pulp qualities and serious, often dark themes (on average at least one dead body per episode and this is still a kid-friendly show).<br />
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*'''Blake and Mortimer''': Another Franco-Belgian comic adaptation. This time it's about the adventures of two Brits: Scottish scientist Philip Mortimer and Welsh Captain Francis Blake of MI5. Spy fiction, exotic adventures, weird science and ancient mythos - what more could you expect from what started as a pulp magazine? If you ever plan to run ''[[Hollow Earth Expedition]]'', this is one of the best possible inspirations.<br />
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*'''Cybersix''': What was originally an adult-oriented Argentinian cyberpunk comics about Nazi escaped experiment fighting for her life was bizarrely adapted into children-oriented animated series. Probably due to how easily it is to mistake it for capeshit, despite not being even close to it. Worth watching due to sheer crazyness of the content alone.<br />
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*'''Exosquad''': The European Front of World War II '''IN SPACE''' with Mechs and Power Armor. It is well plotted and can get incredibly dark for what is supposed to be a kids show with a very high body count and lots of fun with genocide. Even so it suffered from having a small budget and a few sub par designs.<br />
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*'''Gargoyles''': Disney's serious response to Batman: TAS (as opposed to Disney's satirical response to Batman: TAS of Darkwing Duck, which was pretty damn good itself if a bit more conventionally cartoony). A band of [[Gargoyle]]s (winged strong humanoids with claws that can cut steel that turn into stone during the day) live in Scotland the middle ages fighting Vikings, get betrayed, frozen in stone and are re-awakened in modern New York by a businessman who could give Tzeentch lessons in plotting played by William Riker. Stories of betrayal, romance, robots, suits of [[power armor]], cyborgs and a fair number of magical things borrowing from a variety of sources, but most notably the works of William Shakespeare.<br />
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*'''Gravity Falls''': 12-year-old fraternal twins Dipper and Mabel get sent to spend a summer with their shady "grunkle" Stan at his woodland tourist trap in Gravity Falls. Naturally the town is packed with more absurd supernatural shit than your average [[Call of Cthulhu]] campaign, though a good deal more noblebright (at least most of the time). In Stan's own words, the show has "a big mystery element! And a lot of humor that goes over kids' heads!" Notable for ending mostly organically at two seasons, with an only somewhat rushed finale wrapping things up before seasonal decay could ruin things.<br />
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*'''Invader Zim:''' A cult classic sci-fi series about a little green cyborg bug alien who is banished to Earth after after he almost accidentally his throneworld and tries to conquer the planet while posing as a school student along with his insane robot GIR. The only one on Earth who knows Zim is an alien is the wannabe cryptozoologist Dib Membrane. Zim's race, the Irken, are effectively kid-friendly [[Skaven]] in space and Zim is their [[Thanquol]] equivalent, which neatly explains why the Reddit generation went bananas for the show as kids. Cancelled due to the cultural whiplash from 9/11 and tonally clashing with what was already becoming the SpongeBob Channel, its pop culture impact was such that it got a series finale movie almost 20 years later, "Enter the Florpus".<br />
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*'''The Legend of Calamity Jane''': A too-good-to-last 90s cult classic. Probably the best "serious" animated western. Since it wasn't exactly made with kids in mind, it provides a lot of mature content. Which is the main reason why moral watchdogs killed it after just 13 episodes.<br />
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*'''Motorcity:''' Corporate overlord Mark Hamill has built an apple brand hive city on top of post apocalyptic Detroit and rules it with an iron fist while a band of renegades fights him from the Detroit Underhive with high tech muscle-cars. Similar to Megas XLR in a lot of ways, including being screwed over by the Network Execs.<br />
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*'''Nanook's Great Hunt''': A French-Canadian co-production, telling a story of a young Inuit boy on his self-declared quest to hunt down a mythical Great Bear which brought famine to his people. All in the backdrop of early 20th century and modernity slowly pushing even into the frozen fringes of the world. Borderline fantasy, since as long as things are viewed from Inuit perspective, everything is explained by magical thinking. Worth watching even for the setting and lore alone.<br />
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*'''Primal''': A show by Genndy Tartovsky about a Caveman and a T. Rex trying to survive in a brutal primitive fantasy world. Features the same creativity and elegancy in simplicity as Samurai Jack, just in a radically different setting and with the benefit of a TV-MA rating.<br />
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*'''Roughnecks: [[Starship Troopers]] Chronicles''': Take the best parts of the book and film and none of the crap. One of the early CGI shows (and it shows) cut short due to budget (as in just short of the ending).<br />
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*'''[[Samurai Jack]]:''' A wandering samurai lost in the future kicks ass and saves lives in his quest to get home. Elegance in simplicity. Amazing animation. [[Kaldor Draigo]] ''wishes'' he could be this cool.<br />
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* '''Star Wars The Clone Wars:''' Not to be confused with the other one from 2005. A TV series that started out bad and gradually got better, while also injecting gradually enough grimdark to make some question how this show was for kids. Include the awesomeness that is the Clone Troopers and their incredibly talented VA, who has starred in several of the shows on this list, great character development all over the board and smart ass one-liners. Really just did a fantastic job with the lore and expanding the universe. It is advised to skim through the first two seasons, as the series was still trying to figure out what it wants to be. Then again, maybe don’t, since the first two do have some important plot points for later, but you have been warned.<br />
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*'''Todd McFarlane's Spawn''': Imagine a world where animated series aren't related with kids and "animated" doesn't mean "low quality". That's the world from which Spawn was accidentally teleported from. Dark as fuck, it plays anti-hero dial so high you seriously wonder if the guy can even quality as a hero at all. Worth even for the imagery alone. It gave us Keith David as the man himself (bless his sexy, deep voice).<br />
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*'''[[War Planets]]/Shadow Raiders''': Forgotten third show from Mainframe in the 90s, alongside Reboot and Beast Wars. Four alien races that have been screwing each other over for thousands of years because they need the resources of each other's worlds have to put aside their difference in the face of a common foe -- a "Beast Planet" that devours entire worlds and their civilisations whole, overwhelming its prey first with armies of mindless drones. Very intense, very good characters, plenty of action. The Beast Planet is kind of a "[[Necron]]s imitating [[Tyranid]]s" enigma, which may be a good or a bad thing.<br />
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*'''[[Wakfu]]''': A French cartoon based on a video game which itself is the sequel to a mmorpg, is bizarrely good for its first few seasons. Also full of cheesecake and weeaboo; the Ankama execs have admitted [[PROMOTIONS|"there are some sketches that can't leave ths studio"]], bless those crazy French.<br />
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* '''Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?''': There's a good chance your local "Well, akshually" guy got at least some of the trivia from this cartoon in his youth. One improbable heist job after another, pure pulp adventure and tomb-raiding, with Squidward as a factoid-spouting AI - what's not to like?<br />
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== Capeshit ==<br />
*'''Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes''': A [[Marvel Comics]] animated series about the titular Avengers. Unlike the later Avengers Assemble show, it relies primarily on the comics for it's inspiration rather than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Also unlike the later Avengers show, it's actually good. Does a good job at balancing "monster of the week" episodes with a couple of running plot arcs across two seasons.<br />
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*'''[[Batman]]: The Animated Series:''' In a time when most cartoons were still [[My Little Pony|glorified half hour toy commercials]] BtAS dared to defy convention with a dark art style (literally, they drew the animation frames on black paper), darker themes, and characters you actually gave a shit about. This show was so iconic that a lot of the stuff you ''think'' was from the comic book (Harley Quinn, Mr. Freeze's wife Nora, Bruce being Best Friends with Harvey Dent before turning into TwoFace, and more recently, the Phantasm) actually started here. The show also gave us an incredibly well-rounded view of Bruce Wayne beyond his brooding demeanor, with episodes highlighting his philanthropic nature and genuine care for Gotham's people, even the no-name thugs that he's able to rehabilitate. This should be mandatory viewing for people making Batman films... unfortunately, [[DC Comics]] isn't that smart.<br />
**'''Batman: Beyond:''' Sequel to the above series about a future Gotham where Bruce Wayne is a cranky old man who had to give up being Batman due to heart problems, in which a teenager is reluctantly accepted as a replacement Batman, using cyber-armor that is basically the batsuit sans cape but with rocket boots. Aside being a worthy contender for best animated Batman, it's also a great mine for cyberpunk ideas and storylines.<br />
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*'''My Life as a Teenage Robot:''' Another cult classic Nickelodeon cartoon starring Jenny "XJ9" Wakeman, a teenage girl who tries to have a normal teenage life despite being a robotic superhero who saves the world from kaiju and meteors. Borrows heavily from Astro Boy and 50s B-movies for its aesthetic. The show was cancelled shortly after the made for TV movie due to not being SpongeBob, but the legend lives on and Jenny reigns eternal as the Queen of [[/co/]]. A fan continuation developed with the approval of the series creator is in production.<br />
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*'''Spider-Man: The Animated Series:''' One of the series that were Marvel's attempt to challenge the DC Animated Universe, most of which (Batman TAS, Batman Beyond, Superman TAS, Justice League) are already mentioned here. Whilst hindered by an absolutely '''insane''' chief executive who labeled ludicrous restrictions on the show (for example, Spidey was never allowed to be shown punching people), it had an amazingly creative writing team who managed to miraculously pull off a decent cartoon despite her. Drawing heavily from the 90s and late 80s comic, it had season-long story arcs, actual character development, and plenty of fantastical action sequences. It's not as good as BtAS due to a lesser budget and the aforementioned restrictions, but it is generally considered the absolute best of the Spidey cartoons, saving perhaps maybe the Spectacular Spider-Man from the early 2000s.<br />
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*'''Spider-Man 1966:''' One of several series of "motion comics" that Marvel put out in the 1960s, including ones for the Fantastic Four, the Incredible Hulk, Captain America, Iron Man and [[Thor]]. Limited animation, but the visuals and the plots are so batshit insane that it's worth watching just for laughs. A legendary fountain of memes just about everywhere on the Internet.<br />
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*'''Superman: The Animated Series:''' About the same quality of writing as the latest episodes of B:tAS. This features 'the' seminal, if less popular, superhero: Superman from the planet Krypton. Made largely by the same crew as the above Batman, this series is another of the so christened 'Timmverse' that ended with ''Justice League''.<br />
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*''' Teen Titans''' (2003): A product of those few years when Cartoon Network was trying really hard to be weeaboo, strictly inferior to the DCAU but still makes it onto the list. Mixes adapting stories from the legendary (as in "nobody remembers anything else about the team") Wolfman/Perez run with a truly bizarre original rogues' gallery, including Mad Mod (Mad Hatter knockoff who uses mind control tech to make America properly Bri'ish again), Mother Mae-Eye (the witch from Hansel and Gretel as cosmic horror), and Control Freak (Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons as a supervillain). Suffers from tonal whiplash (as if the last sentence wasn't enough of a clue), some skub comic adaptations and a few plot holes, but still remembered fondly thanks to [[Rule 34|<s>a /b/tard named Zone</s>]] a quality ensemble cast, good-enough writing and just being a fun ride in general.<br />
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*'''[[Transformers]]''': Near-legendary multi-series franchise dating back to the mid-80s, all of which revolve, in some way, around giant alien robots fighting a war that has been raging for millions of years without end. Different series have different aspects, so pick carefully.<br />
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*'''[[X-Men]]: The Animated Series:''' One of the sister shows to the aforementioned SMtAS, and generally regarded of the best of them. Takes all of Spidey's creativity and faithfulness to the comics, lifts some of the restrictions, but also piles on an extra serving of ham and cheese. The story goes the voice actors were Shakespearean theatre trainees and couldn't quite get the hang of toning it down. Still, if you like voluptuous Southern belles suplexing giant robots whilst their hot African weather witch partner rants like an angry goddess, you've come to the right show.<br />
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*'''Young Justice''': A DC animated show wherein Batman recruits the sidekicks and super-powered relatives of various heroes to serve as a black ops team for the Justice League. In spite of starring a bunch of teenagers, everyone still gets decent character development when the show isn't trying to be Dawson's Creek with superpowers. Unfortunately canceled because the execs felt it wasn't toyetic enough, then renewed for a third season to drive subscriptions for DC's exclusive streaming service.<br />
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== Comedy ==<br />
*'''[[Adventure Time]]'''. tl;dr: A D&D nerd gets a blank check from Cartoon Network, [[skub]] ensues. Starts off [[Chaotic Stupid|random is funny]], and never really gives up on that, but slowly reveals itself to be set in a Grimdark post-apocalyptic fantasy world inhabited by mutants and whatever remains of Earth's original animal population. The main character is one of the few humans left alive. Has [[skub]]tastic reputation due to its noodle art style and the writers using it as a vent for their personality problems in later seasons until they completely forgot they weren't writing for Adult Swim. Also, [[PROMOTIONS|you want to fuck the vampire.]]<br />
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*'''Archer:''' Think "Arrested Development" meets James Bond. It's an adventure comedy about an alcoholic man-child who just so happens to be the world's most dangerous secret agent, and his equally deranged co-workers which include, but are not limited to; a sex addict accountant, a sadistic pyromaniac ditz, a bare-knuckle boxing Human Resource manager, a sassy black woman with abnormally large hands, the main-character's narcissistic mother, and a mad nazi scientist. Hilarious, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHAHEhhJisk ultra quotable], and great source material for secret agent role-playing.<br />
** Later seasons ('''Dreamland''', '''Danger Island''' and '''1999''') are all self-contained genre spoofs, respectively a hard-boiled detective story, an Indy-style pulp adventure and IN SPACE! - and as such can be watched even without the broader context of the series.<br />
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*'''Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law:''' Williams Street dragging Hanna-Barbera into an alleyway, brutally mugging them, and rifling through their pockets for old cartoon clips. Together with its sister series Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast and Sealab 2021 (below) this is what put Adult Swim on the map for adult animation, spawning dozens of imitators and predicting the rise of the YouTube Poop years later. Can be mined for plotlines for "whodunnit" adventures in addition to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeRTo8MuTrw just plain weirdness] that [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y11lxG8WM9M can inspire greatness] at the table-top.<br />
*'''Futurama''': Where a good chunk of the original Simpsons writing team went when ''The Simpsons'' became Zombie Simpsons. Moronic delivery boy Philip J. Fry gets frozen on New Year's Eve 1999 and wakes up in the year 3000, where he's forced to be an ''interplanetary'' delivery boy and deal with aliens, robots, his mad scientist descendant, and the show getting canceled every few years. Probably the most recognizable sci-fi parody out there, has [[Futurama: Now With Dice|its own RPG]] based on the [[Toon]] system, above all guest-starring [[E. Gary Gygax|Gary motherfucking Gygax]] hisself, most notably in a full TV movie where the cast gets trapped in a [[D&D]] campaign come to life. ''"Anyone want to play D&D for the next quadrillion years?"''<br />
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*'''Inside Job:''' Rick and Morty rip-off about conspiracy theories. The main character is a chronically overworked, mildly insane genius working for a front company that secretly pulls the strings behind every crazy conspiracy theory in existence, all of which are true (but you already knew that). President getting replaced by a robot? That's the pilot. Illuminati, Lizard People and Atlanteans having blood orgies at the Bohemian Grove? Yup, it's here. Secret shadowy cabals managing the world in a way no one notices? That's just real life. Everyone is insane, paranoid and on the cusp of a mental breakdown. A nice break from just replaying Deus Ex to prepare for your next Illuminati/Conspiracy X/Unknown Armies campaign.<br />
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*'''Megas XLR:''' [[Tau|I DIG GIANT ROBOTS. YOU DIG GIANT ROBOTS. CHICKS DIG GIANT ROBOTS.]] That's all you really need to know. Big robots and funny shit. It's also the [[Ork|Orkiest]] show ever made, the Gork to [[Approved anime|Gurren Lagann's]] Mork.<br />
*'''SeaLab 2021''': Conceptually in the same vein as Venture Bros but as a direct sequel to the straight-faced environmentalist SeaLab 2020, kind of. Episodes mostly consist of reused SeaLab 2020 stock animation or just entire scenes repurposed to parody SeaLab 2020 and 90 cartoons in general. At least one episode is a literal comedy redub of a vintage episode, and roughly a third end with everyone dying in an explosion. Basically [[Space Station 13]] the series.<br />
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*'''The Venture Bros.''' An absurd parody of Jonny Quest, 60's animated shows, comic books, and pretty much every action franchise ever. Episodes primarily theme around failure (so great for 4chan) and absurd comedy. Can be [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D8aBP-JOZsU hilarious] but like Austin Powers, it's hard to appreciate the comedy of it unless you've seen the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonny_Quest source material].<br />
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== Fantasy ==<br />
*'''[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]''': Considered by many to be the gold standard for animated shows in the 00'es and one of the best Western-made narrative shows. It has garnered many a fan for their funny characters, deep story lines, character development and a setting that's uniquely Asian without being weeaboo. The sequel series, Legend of Korra, is hilariously [[skub]]tastic and considered only good for [[Rule 34]] by much of /co/, though it has its bright spots.<br />
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*'''[[Castlevania]]''': A Netflix animated-series about the old Castlevania games of yore, Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse to be precise. Follows the exploits of Trevor Belmont, who tries to live up to the legacy of his family and travels the grimdark land of Transsylvania in classic Castlevania fashion. To keep the whip cracking and dagger throwing from growing stale, he is accompanied by Dracula's son Alucard and the mage Sypha on his quest to exterminate the forces of evil (Grant the rogue gets shafted as usual). The show is beautifully animated, overall very well written and just an absolute joyride from front to back. Fans of the original games will feel especially jerked off, as the creators have gone to great lenghts to be as close to the source material as possible (discounting the exclusion of Grant from the hero's posse), like recreating the exact attacks of enemies and remixing the original music. A second show is in the making which will cover the exploits of Trevor's descendant Richter Belmont and his lady love Maria Renard, set during the French Revolution.<br />
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*'''[[Conan the Adventurer]]''': A very solid cartoon from the early 90s based off of, what else? [[Conan the Barbarian]]. Probably best known for its rocking opening theme (WARRIOR WITHOUT FEAR!), but it's very mineable for [[Dungeons & Dragons]] and has a lot of actual novel lore scattered through the kid-friendly stuff.<br />
*'''The Dragon Prince''': The two sons of a dead king, an elvish assassin, and a pet toad travel across the world in hopes of reuniting the titular dragon prince with his parents and stopping all-out war between humans and elves. Seven seasons. Has tie-in RPG, '''Tales of Xadia''', using the Cortex System<br />
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*'''[[D%26D_Cartoon|Dungeons & Dragons]]''': An absolute classic, worth watching even for the sake of the status alone. While the series still shows a lot of potential, most of it was wasted on too short episodes made on shoe-string budget. Being partially entangled into the [[Satanic Panic]] didn't help either. Still, worth watching. Just bring beer and friends. And a notepad for oldschool ideas. Sadly never got a proper canon ending. Is ''incredibly'' popular in Brazil, too.<br />
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*'''Jumanji''': Like a lot of successful and semi-successful films, Jumanji ended up with a follow-up cartoon. Pretty much what you'd want to see if Alan had stayed in Jumanji and Peter and Judy went on adventures with him. While the art style is (intentionally) weird, the episodes are amazingly mineable for campaigns and world-building ideas. Also featured many references to other works, but with a fun twist.<br />
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*'''Love, Death & Robots''': An animated anthology series that's all over the place, from comedy to cosmic horror and from pure skub for easy clickbait to genuinely good content, but remains very minable. First season's "[[Tyranids|Suits]]", "[[Vampire|Sucker of Souls]]", "[[Machine_Spirit|Lucky 13]]", "[[Kitsune|Good Hunting]]" and especially "[[Warp|Beyond the Aquila Rift]]" and "[[Delta_Green|The Secret War]]" are very much approved. The second season is full of shit, tho, skip it outright. Third season's entire saving grace comes in form of "[[Gothic_Horror|Bad Travelling]]" and if you squint really hard, then "[[Delta_Green|In Vaulted Halls Entombed]]" and "[[Q'Orl | Swarm]]" (if you believe in the theory that the [[Eldar]] created the [[Tau]]) get a pass. The rest is mostly cool visuals (with acid trips) and jokes about America. Fourth season continues the trend - single saving grace in the form of ''[[Achtung! Cthulhu|How Zeke Got Religion]]'', hard squinting at ''[[Ironclaw|For He Can Creep]]'', bunch of cool visuals and a metric tonne of shit. Originally intended as a successor to the legendary (and wholeheartedly approved) Heavy Metal movie but with modern creatives, which explains a lot.<br />
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*'''The New Adventures of Ocean Girl''': An Australian animated series, predominately aimed at teenage girls, but coming in a package with a complex world full of original races. Good world-building and bunch of interesting plot hooks and easy-to-reuse plot twists.<br />
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*'''Omer and the Starchild''': A French animated series. A truly rich world-building mixed with a lot of New Age imagery and unexpectedly dark story for a kids show. The series follows adventures of Dan, the titular Starchild, in his quest to free "Twelve Wizards" and unite them against the evil Morkhan.<br />
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*'''Papyrus''': An animated adaptation of Franco-Belgian comics. An epic tale of a young fisherman tangled into the conflict between Egyptian gods, tasked with the mission of freeing Horus and putting end to the reign of Seth... regardless if Papyrus himself wants to or not as he is but a plaything of the gods.<br />
<br />
*''' Pirates of Dark Water''': A science-fantasy cartoon. The alien world of Mer is being devoured by an evil substance known as Dark Water. Only Ren, a young prince, can stop it by finding the lost Thirteen Treasures of Rule. His loyal crew of misfits that help in his journey are ecomancer Tula, a monkey-bird Niddler, and treasure-hungry pirate Ioz. The evil pirate lord Bloth will stop at nothing to get the treasures for himself and provides many obstacles for Ren and his crew. Standard quest for magic artifacts to stop an eldritch evil, but the creature design is where things got badass. The world of Mer was home to many creatures which can inspire a GM. There was also an [https://archive.org/details/podw-rpg-charactersheets/podw-rpg-charactersheets/ official role-playing game].<br />
<br />
*'''Skeleton Warriors''': Knights of a science-fantasy kingdom must fight against a group of power-hungry warriors who attempted to seize ancient relics, relics that mutated them into hideous Skeleton Warriors! Had an awesome theme song.<br />
<br />
*'''W.I.T.C.H.''': So you want magical girl warriors, but you dislike anime? Here is the answer then, as it delivers exactly that, with all the possible plot bits and the general feel without, well, being a Chinese cartoon. Plus neat urban fantasy and teen characters that feel like teens (early 00s teens, that is).<br />
<br />
== Old Stuff & Remakes ==<br />
*'''[[Masters of the Universe|He-Man/She-Ra]]:''' The original 80s [[Sword & Sorcery]] cartoon and the first 30-minute toy commercial. He-Man is a cosmically-empowered [[barbarian]] hero who has to juggle his daily life as the foppish Prince Adam and his muscle-bound alter-ego to defend Castle Greyskull from the forces of Skeletor, an evil wizard who seeks to claim the castle and the cosmic powers it holds to rule the universe. Made to sell every single crazy toy the designers could come up with after Reagan's FCC deregulated children's television. It's 80s fucking bullshit to the extreme, but if you can embrace the cheese and get past the memetically limited animation, it's actually good, clean turn-your-brain-off fun, with plenty of ideas to mine for a more S&S or old-school [[Science Fantasy]] setting. "She-Ra" is literally "He-Man for girls", with Prince Adam's twin sister Adora using the twin to He-Man's sword of power to turn into a super-powered [[Amazon]] warrior, leading a resistance on the magical world of Etheria against the Horde, an invading army of space monsters and robots. "She-Ra" was conceived totally as a cashgrab to take advantage of the fact that "He-Man" was [[PROMOTIONS|surprisingly popular]] with girls, so it's even more of a toy commercial then "He-Man" and suffers for it quality wise.<br />
** An early 90s remake tried to rebrand He-Man (since it was also one of the forerunners of "cartoons as toy commercials" in the 80s) and failed flat. Mostly forgotten, since it dropped everything unique about the setting, replacing it with generic science fiction. These days very few even remember this thing even existed, with more than likely many not wanting to remember it. Easily one of (if not the) worst things in whole franchise.<br />
** A 2001 remake of He-Man attempted to create a more serious and focused take on the show. It worked, but sadly it died after two seasons due to a lack of an audience. Dig it up and enjoy it if you can for as far as remakes are concerned it is one of the best things to come out of the franchise.<br />
** A 2018 "remake" called She-Ra and the Princesses of Power...exists. While it ''barely'' manages to have a better story and animation than the original, it suffers very badly from (in the showrunner's own words) "the gay agenda" and a tumblr-esque obession with cribbing from anime instead of doing its own thing.<br />
** The 2021/2022 "He-Man & The Masters of the Universe" show reimagines Eternia as [[Science Fantasy|an advanced technological world whose magical past is being brought back]]. Despite a rather weird animation style and some borderline [[SJW]] choices (replacing Ram-Man with a female counterpart, most notable), largely considered to ''not'' be as shit as the 2017 Revelation series.<br />
* '''Jana of the Jungle''': Hanna-Barbera's take on the archetypical pulp character of "blond chick in fur bikini raised by natives, now having adventures in the jungle with her big cat". As such, it tackles just about every single possible scenario and accompanying archetypes from those pulps, making it a condensed way to learn the ropes with this kind of stuff. Somewhat on the short note (it was a companion show, rather than its own thing), but still good watch, prime idea-mining material, and, above all, not taking itself too seriously.<br />
* '''Jonny Quest:''' '''''The''''' adventure series from Hanna-Barbera, notable originally for being first "realistic" cartoon to be made and having amounts of violence and brutality - for a show ostentiably aimed at very young kids - that makes moral watchdogs twitch to this day. For those same reasons, it is also never-ending source of pulp ideas and weird science plots. Even if you never saw it, there is a high chance you can recognise the characters and hum the main theme, regardless of nationality. Comes in three distinctive flavours, all three very much approved:<br />
** The original series from the 60s, titled simply ''Jonny Quest''.<br />
** 80s revival series, ''The New Adventures of Jonny Quest'', which came with animation bump, updated the setting and made if far more kid-friendly, without losing the adventuring vibe<br />
** 90s Cartoon Network sponsored remake, ''Jonny Quest: The Real Adventures'', which finally realised the series mostly watched by teen boys could benefit from having a teen-aged main character.<br />
<br />
*'''Lucky Luke''': An animated adaptation of a classic Franco-Belgian comics, done with help of Hanna-Barbera, following adventures of titular Lucky Luke - a cowboy so fast with his gun, he can even outdraw his shadow. Just like its source material, it's humorous in style and spoofs various staples of western genre, but never becomes an outright parody. Your gunslinger PC ''wishes'' to be this cool and suave.<br />
** Got a new series in 2001, aptly titled '''The New Adventures of Lucky Luke.''' It was never screened to the original creator, Morris, for review and they waited until he died before releasing it, because they knew it was crap and he would cry foul.<br />
<br />
*'''The Mysterious Cities of Gold''': Throw into a shaker El Dorado, greedy conquistadors, dashing adventurers, an alien race of Mayan precursors... and a group of children tangled into the middle of it. Stir together, serve chilled. It's a high grade adventuring in the Latin America, easily passing modern quality standards without any issues and not struggling with any kind of typical cartoon censorship (thank God for the French). Oh, and it's a continuous plot, rather than villain-of-a-week type of deal - so you get a story of epic proportions, with equally impressive prep to to make it all work and come together, with world-building to carry it through. It's also one of the first "big" cartoons to be done in collaboration with the Japanese (Studio Pierrot), so on technicality, it's an anime. Absolute classic and if you aren't a literal zoomer, you probably saw it as a kid.<br />
** Got renewed in 2012 and 2016, thirty goddamn years after original premiere, for two additional seasons. To make it weirder, it picks the plot where the original, self-contained series ended, so you pretty much have to watch the whole thing to "get" it. Still worth every minute.<br />
<br />
* '''Thundarr the Barbarian:''' Hanna-Barbera's [[Science Fantasy]] series set in the far future ruins of the United States. It's a collection of everything popular in early 80s: fantasy, post-apocalypse, buff barbarians, Chewbacca look-alikes, <s>tits</s> princesses, light sabers and cheese. Copious amounts of cheese. If you ever wanted to run pulp megadungeon, look no further for inspiration. Aged far better than most 80s cartoons, since it wasn't intended to be a 20 minute long toy commercial.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Thundercats]]:''' Regarded by /tg/ as "Dangerously [[Furry]]: the Cartoon". A [[Science Fantasy]] series revolving around a group of survivors from the destroyed world of Thundera crashlanding on the apocalyptic ruins of a far-future Earth and trying to rebuild their civilization, whilst battling mutants, monsters, magic and the ancient [[mummy]]-[[lich]]-thing called "Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living". Essentally He-Man, but more focus on action than on goofy comedy. Infamous for the Cheetara Paradox: if you want to bang Cheetara you're a furfag, but if you don't you're gay. Like He-Man, it also got a darker, edgier, more serious 2011 remake that fell through because <s>nobody watched it</s> <s>everyone was turned away by the tone shift</s> [[Derp|Cartoon Network wanted to replace it with Lego Chima]]. While the 2011 version is incomplete it still a very enjoyable watch as long as you don't mind some minor pacing problems.<br />
<br />
== Web Series ==<br />
<br />
* '''The Amazing Digital Circus''': ''I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream'' as a black comedy. Leave it to millennials to turn one of the most [[grimdark]] stories in history into something people would want to fap to. The story of a hapless office worker ensnared by Caine - a rogue AI who brainjacks humans for his "circus" and "entertains" them with Roblox-style VR games as they slowly go insane from losing their bodies, until they finally succumb to bitrot and become mindless monsters. Brutal existentialism and the hollowness of modern society wrapped in a candy coating, and the [[Server Crash]] adaptation we never asked for.<br />
* '''Ongezellig''': Title literally translates to "unfriendliness" so you know you're in for a ride. Ensemble comedy about adopted sisters [[/pol/|Mymy]], [[/a/|Maya]] and [[Tumblr|Coco]] showing off their deep-seated personality problems as they work through a school project. Great material for schtick at the table and reaction webms, and Mymy gets a special mention for joining the likes of Konata and Lain in 4chan's "literally me club" almost from the word go.<br />
<br />
== Honorable Mentions ==<br />
*'''[[BattleTech]]:''' Yes, BattleTech had a cartoon series. It talks about a Adam Steiner and the 1st Somerset Strikers. It wasn't that good. Its production value was lacklustre and being forced into the animation age ghetto did not help. Its notable for its early use of transiting between traditional cel-animation and computer-generated imaging. While not godawful it was at best a slightly above average Saturday morning cartoon that's inappropriate to it's subject manner. What's even more notable is that the show exists in the BattleTech universe. You read that right, this cartoon that depicts BattleTech actually exists in the BattleTech universe. Can give inspiration on how the actions of a party can be distorted or changed to fit a different narrative. Also attracts much [[rage]] from fans of [[The Clans]] because the series is based around Inner Sphere protagonists, and thus the Clans are shown as a bunch of lunatics who just randomly showed up and invaded one day. So of course, CGL retconned the cartoon to be an in-universe propaganda cartoon made by the Inner Sphere, and the actual events of the show required a much larger army to accomplish than our plucky band of heroes, fighting against second-line Clan garrisons rather than the elites of the first invasion.<br />
*'''Men in Black: The Series:''' One of numerous 90s projects to turn successful blockbusters into Saturday morning cartoons. It has a simple enough premise: Agent Kay didn't retire after the events of the first movie, so he's still Jay's partner and they work cases together. Police procedural for kids, just with aliens, superheroes and all the other weird shit the writers could get away with. Quality is all over the place (which is why it's borderline unapproved), but a good source of ideas for your Laundry Files and Delta Green campaigns.<br />
<br />
*'''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] AKA Sonic SatAM''': A animated adaption of Sonic the Hedgehog. Well regarded by fans as something of a cult classic. Do be warned it is full of 90's cheese, it was a Saturday morning cartoon meant to make money off of a cartoon character after all. One special note is Jim Cummings in one of the scarier depictions of Dr. Robotnik. Also features one of the better depictions of nature vs industrialization, less green Aesop and more freedom from slavery (most of the time). Mineable for concepts and a good villain. [[Chris-chan|Possibly even watched by the]] [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|God-Emperor of Mankind.]] The Archie comic is also of note since it does technically continue the story, though do be warned of Ken Penders. He is considered the Matt Ward of the Sonic Fandom ([[What|except somehow much worse]]). <br />
<br />
*'''World of Quest:''' Think ''He-Man'', but without any toys to sell or Twitter drama to follow. Also think: late 00s "le funny nerd stuff parody", so it's crude, formulaic to a fault and with humor that's hard to take even when drunk... but the series still crams 50 basic campaign ideas (almost all episodes are double stories) for a kitchen-sink fantasy setting without even trying to pretend it's not about mindless fun. In fact, the set-ups are so basic, you can literally pop any given episode 10 minutes prior to the game you "forgot" to prepare for your group and still get a comedic scenario for them by the time they arrive.<br />
<br />
[[Category: Approved Media]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Wikichan&diff=1010014Wikichan2026-04-06T23:47:42Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1009983 by 93.44.118.169 (talk)</p>
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<div>[[Image:Wiki-chan.png|thumb|right|The mascot of Wikichan (a parody of [http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Wikipe-tan_sailor_fuku.png Wikipe-tan])]]<br />
'''Wikichan''' was a wiki dedicated to [[4chan]] and imageboard culture in general that existed a few years ago. [[/tg/]] typically used the site as a [[writefag]]gotry depository. The site's history was somewhat turbulent - at one point it was offlined by hosts for displaying personal information about [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hal_Turner Hal Turner], and it suffered at least one major database loss - and in the end it disappeared mysteriously with the primary admin, WikiSysop, never heard from again and no backups ever seen, all of which happened (relatively) long before [[1d4chan]]'s time.</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Batman&diff=1009533Batman2026-03-26T05:02:46Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Rogues Gallery */</p>
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<div>{{/co/}}{{Topquote|Batman's rich history allows him to be interpreted in a multitude of ways. To be sure, this is a lighter incarnation, but it's certainly no less valid and true to the character's roots than the tortured avenger crying out for mommy and daddy.|<s>Bat-Mite</s> Bruce Timm, ''Batman: The Brave and the Bold''}}[[File:batman.jpg|thumb|''I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batman!'']]<br />
<br />
'''Batman''' is a [[/co/|comic-book]] [[superhero]] with a chiropteran theme from [[DC Comics]], originally created by Bob Kane and Bill Finger. He was once Bruce Wayne, child of wealthy philanthropists, but while his family were out and about, his parents were killed by a mugger. Heartbroken and filled with guilt, he traveled the world, studying criminology and martial arts; when he returned home to Gotham City, he used his inherited fortune (and/or company, depending on the era) to become a [[ninja]]-esque crime-fighter. Knowing from his studies that criminals are generally a superstitious and cowardly lot, he developed the costume and persona of the ''Batman'', a creature of the night who brings terror to the wicked. Among his many other titles are "The Dark Knight" and "The World's Greatest Detective," as his hand-to-hand combat skills are equaled by his polymath intellect, allowing him to (with a hefty dose of [[Plot Armor|writer favoritism]]) stand up to the likes of Superman and ''win''.<br />
<br />
== Major Incarnations ==<br />
Batman has been around for a ''long'' time, old enough that he was invented as a direct reaction to [[Superman]]'s obscene popularity. Generations of comics creators have tried to put their own spins on the character make their names and keep the franchise fresh, and they've mostly succeeded; the idea of a vigilante who's been hurt by the criminal element and wants to make it hurt back without becoming what he hates is so mythically resonant that it takes serious effort to screw it up, not that some people haven't tried.<br />
<br />
* '''Golden Age''': The original version of Batman was ripped straight from the pulps, a vigilante in the vein of the Phantom, the Shadow and the Spider. He would kill criminals without remorse and fought crime rings, mad scientists and vampires, but at the same time this version introduced his trademark utility belt and bat-themed gadgets. This is also the era that introduced Robin, Alfred, the Joker (initially just a serial killer with a gimmick) and Catwoman.<br />
* '''Silver Age''': After World War II Batman became increasingly silly and tilted towards science fiction, following industry trends and as a reaction to the widespread moralfagging of the 1950s, though Batman had already gained his no-killing-no-guns signature back in 1942. This is the era that gave us many of the sillier elements of Batman's rogues gallery, including the Riddler, Poison Ivy, and generally everything that people associate with Batman other than Bane, Harley Quinn and Ra's al-Ghul. Immortalized in the 1966 TV show starring Adam West; ABC bought the TV rights expecting a mildly serious thriller, but the producer committed the classic blunder known as "doing the research" and realized it could only work as a self-parody. Work it did, singlehandedly causing a brief boom in comics sales in the late 60s and making the character a household name. This Batman is a jovial individual, a father figure to Robin and (at least in the TV series) a duly deputized instrument of the law who just happens to cavort around dressed like a bat, with a gadget for every situation the writers can come up with.<br />
* '''Dark Age''': After the TV show Batman became synonymous with camp and generally failed to find an audience, even when new writers tried to bring the character back to his darker roots. That changed with ''The Dark Knight Returns'', a limited series by infamous edgelord Frank Miller that cast Batman as a bitter old man coming out of retirement to save a decayed, almost cyberpunk Gotham from itself. It was an instant hit that probably saved the character from obscurity, but everyone tried to copy it without any maturity (cf. Tolkien) and it became a breakpoint for the Dark Age of comic book writing. This Batman is perpetually haunted by his failures and guilt over the deaths of his parents, taking out his frustrations on the criminal element and even his allies as much as he fights for justice. At the same time, several character-defining moments came out of this period, including ''The Killing Joke'' (which turned Joker from a bucolic "gimmick villain" into the monster he is today and violently ended Barbara's run as Batgirl) and ''Knightfall'', which introduced Bane, the last new Batman villain to really stick in the public consciousness. This Bane is a true criminal mastermind rather than the brute he's often painted as, though he's still [[Meme|a big guy (for you).]] This is also the age of Tim Burton's Batman movie, which ''actually'' rescued the character from his campy image and paved the way for...<br />
* '''''The Animated Series''''': While the comics industry was going off the rails and wallowing in grimderp, Warner Bros. was redefining Batman in their own way with this animated gem. At a time when cartoons were almost universally [[My Little Pony|sappy, poorly written claptrap]], an executive team led by Bruce Timm and studio president Jean MacCurdy leveraged the success of the Tim Burton movie to pitch a series that featured actual violence and a grim, Art Deco-inspired aesthetic while remembering to give characters enough depth to be interesting. A ton of stuff you thought came from the comics was actually invented here, including Harley Quinn, Harvey Dent's backstory before becoming Two-Face, and the iconic version of Mr. Freeze. This is also the series that first flirted with the idea of "Bruce Wayne" being ''Batman's'' alter ego rather than the opposite, brilliantly conveyed by voice actor Kevin Conroy's use of Batman's deep gravelly voice when Bruce is by himself.<br />
* '''Modern Age''': In the 2000s and later Batman has been taken in a dozen different directions, partially because the studios know spinoffs work now and partially because of massive creative churn at DC after the bottom fell out of the comics market. Grant Morrison and Jeph Loeb turned him into the infamous [[Mary Sue|"Bat God"]] because they took the preptime meme seriously and started pandering to people who use fiction to play "my dad can beat up your dad" writ large, while other writers subjected side characters to an escalating conga line of [[FATAL]] level shit because ''The Killing Joke'' was so well received. The film series directed by Christopher Nolan took the gritty Batman from ''The Dark Knight Returns'' and projected it to the beginning of his career, which gave DC Comics movies some credibility until the plane scene happened. ''Batman: The Brave and the Bold'' brought back the best parts of the Silver Age and tempered them with the self-awareness that comes from writing this crap for decades, giving us a Batman who could literally call his fists "the hammers of justice" and not come off as a parody. ''Joker'' proved the most iconic member of Batman's rogues could stand on his own with a good script, not to mention scare the shit out of mainstream journos when half the Internet declared {{Greentext|he's literally me}} after seeing Joaquin Phoenix go postal.<br />
* '''Evil Batman''': When Batman is hyped up as [[Kaldor Draigo|Tha Best Evar]], an evil Batman has to be even scarier, right? We've had mirror universe versions like Owlman, vampire Batmen (in multiple cartoons, even), other people putting on the cowl only to Go Too Far [[Konrad Curze]] style, and more besides. The ultimate (for all the wrong reasons) evil Batman has to be The Batman Who Laughs: all the intellect of Batman, all the murderous insanity of the Joker, and the [[Plot Armor|plot armor]] of both combined.<br />
<br />
==Allies==<br />
Despite usually being portrayed as a socially awkward and bitter loner, Batman ironically has the largest "family" of trainees and spin-off heroes in DC comics, if not in comics as a whole:<br />
<br />
* '''Alfred Pennyworth:''' Bruce Wayne's butler, ala Zorro's Bernardo but capable of hearing and speech. At first just a butler with a vague background in intelligence who figured out the secret himself, post-Crisis he raised Bruce after Thomas and Martha's death. His past has gradually been expanded since to the point he might as well be a retired James Bond. Occasionally plays Batman when Bruce needs to in two places at once, and often the voice of reason due to ''not'' being motivated by childhood trauma. Whenever Robin isn't part of the story, Alfred plays a much larger role so that Batman has a "Watson" figure to talk to for the benefit of the audience.<br />
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* '''Robin:''' The original Kid Sidekick, a brightly colored and cheerful youth who was introduced to add some contrast to the dark and brooding Batman. There have been at least ''five'' official Robins in mainstream continuity. While child sidekicks that aren't a character's biological child have largely gone away, Batman gets to keep his due how ancient and iconic Robin is.<br />
** ''Dick Grayson:'' The original and for most people the most iconic Robin. Orphaned son of a circus acrobat family called the Flying Graysons, adopted by Batman and then became the first Robin. Eventually split to become an adult superhero named ''Nightwing''. Founder of the Teen Titans. The greatest acrobat in the "Batfamily", fan-favorite and bigger ladies' man than Batman proving "charm > money".<br />
** ''Jason Todd:'' The second Robin, a former teen delinquent with a vicious streak who flirted with killing more than once. Fans found him unlikable and Batman writer Jim Starlin found the kid-sidekick idea absurd, so they had Joker beat him to a pulp with a crowbar and staged a call-in vote (inspired by an SNL sketch of all things) so the fans would take the heat. ("Kill" won by just 72 votes, and anyone who's been on 4chan long enough knows how easy polls are to rig.) Then he was brought back from the dead as a vengeful vigilante called the ''Red Hood'', who is kind of like DC's Punisher, except he doesn't have anybody on the staff trying to push him as a [[Humanity Fuck Yeah]] badass like Punisher does.<br />
** ''Tim Drake:'' The third Robin, who originally was ''not'' an orphan and instead saw his Robin-ing as a part-time thing to snap Batman out of his funk after Jason Todd was killed. Then his parents were killed and he became Batman's ward and permanent Robin. Founder of the Young Justice team. Was rebooted slightly in the New 52, where the biggest change was that he always called himself by the seperate identity of ''Red Robin'' ([[Derp|yumm]]) whilst sidekicking for Batman before going independent to ''Drake''. Voted most likely to inherit the role of "World's Greatest Detective", able to deduce Batman's secret identity from his introduction.<br />
** ''Stephanie Brown:'' Notable as the only female teen sidekick of Batman to go by Robin instead of Batgirl. Highly controversial becase she was treated with incredible unfairness by Batman, including literally only being recruited in an attempt to make Tim Drake jealous and return to being Robin, and then seemingly killed off.<br />
** ''Damian Wayne:'' The most recent Robin, and Batman's biological son conceived with long time antagonist/love interest Talia al'Ghul, causing him to be raised by the murderous League of Assassins. Has a much more brutal attitude as a result, and is basically Jason 2.0 albiet with a much better excuse for being an asshole. You either love or hate the little shit.<br />
<br />
* '''Batwoman:''' A female counterpart to Batman introduced in the Silver Age after some schmuck famously accused Batman and Robin of promoting homosexuality and pedophilia (though the way "ambiguously gay duo" has been memed up in more recent years suggests it was closer than some of his other crackpot claims). Katherine "Kathy" Kane was introduced as a woman so in love with Bruce Wayne that, having figured out he was Batman, she created her own female counterpart persona to his to try and woo him. Got killed off in the Bronze Age, practically as a footnote, and now the name is mostly known from the animated movie ''Mystery of the Batwoman''. Was brought back in 2006, reinvented as a lesbian soldier who was dishonorably discharged for her sexuality (which dates her immediately, since "don't ask, don't tell" was only US Army policy for around 20 years) and took up crime-fighting.<br />
<br />
* '''Batgirl:''' Almost as long-running as the Robins have been the Batgirls, which are teenage female sidekicks of the Bat-family.<br />
** ''Betty Kane:'' The original Batgirl (or "Bat-Girl", as she was called), she was the niece of Kathy Kane, aka Batwoman, and was introduced as DicK Grayson's would-be love interest. Dropped in the Bronze Age alongside her aunt, and hasn't really come back since.<br />
** ''Barbara Gordon:'' The second Batgirl, the first to use the name without the hyphen, and the one everybody actually remembers. Daughter (sometimes niece) of Batman's ally, Police Commissioner James Gordon; created her own parody of Batman's costume for a masquerade ball, ended up using it and her acrobatic & judo training to take down a bunch of crooks who had attacked it. Thrilled by it all, she took up vigilantism herself. Had the longest run of any Batgirl, but was crippled by being shot in the back by the Joker in the 80s and became the heroic hacker and information broker ''Oracle''. Took up the cowl again after getting her spine healed in 2011 in one of the rare examples of comic book science ''not'' being ignored outside of the conflict of the issue.<br />
** ''Helena Bertinelli:'' A mobster's daughter turned Punisher-style vigilante known as the ''Huntress''. She briefly took up the Batgirl mantle during the "No Man's Land" event, before Batman forced her to go back to being Huntress because he couldn't stomach her willingness to use lethal force.<br />
** ''Cassandra Cain:'' Generally considered the second "real" Batgirl after Barbara Gordon. A mute assassin's daughter whose father brought her up to read body language with unparalleled skill, only for this to cause her first kill to so traumatize her that she foreswore killing ever again. Batman took her under his wing out of sympathy, making her the most Robin-like of the Batgirls.<br />
<br />
*'''Commissioner Gordon:''' Gotham Police Chief, and one of the few people from the general public that Batman regularly interacts with (as Batman, anyway). Gordon's one of the few competent and noncorrupt detectives in the city, though his actual abilities tend to vary; in some cases guessing Batman's true identity but keeping it to himself since he knows how much the city needs him. Usually he's unaware that Barbara is Batgirl.<br />
<br />
*'''Lucius Fox''': CEO of Wayne Enterprises, who takes care of the day-to-day business dealings to free up Bruce for his caped crusades. Depending on the story, Lucius is also actively involved in the Batman side of things, usually acting as Batman's version of Q and providing him with many of his gadgets.<br />
[[File:Detective_Batman.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Their relationship summed up...]]<br />
*'''[[Superman]]''': Even in pre-JLA stories, Batman and Superman would collaborate (and sometimes fought each other) several times, representing the two extremes of superhero; one who's an all-powerful superhuman, the other who's just an ordinary human but highly skilled with incredible intellect. Batman and Superman usually figure out each other's identities pretty quickly on their first meeting, and tackle problems that neither can handle on their own; they usually have a good personal relationship despite their obvious differences. In stories where the two share spotlight, Batman takes on more of a "detective" role so as not to strain disbelief by having him fighting the same things as Superman.<br />
<br />
== Rogues Gallery ==<br />
* '''The Joker:''' You know who this guy is. Originally inspired by Conrad Veidt's appearance in the drama ''The Man Who Laughs'', the Joker's backstory is in constant flux (described as "multiple-choice" by the man himself) but boils down to a man down on his luck who fell into a vat of chemicals, giving him a permanent clown-like face and driving him insane. Reinvented almost more often than Batman himself; he's been a Fantomas-like mastermind, a true "Clown Prince of Crime" with funhouse-themed gadgets and capers that seem more like pranks, a sadistic monster, and most recently a downtrodden nihilist seeking revenge on society.<br />
** '''Harley Quinn:''' The Joker's henchwench from the 1990s animated series who proved popular enough to stitch into the comics. A former psychiatrist who made the mistake of trying to rehabilitate the Joker, he twisted her around his little finger and turned her into his lovestruck slave. And for a doctor, she's surprisingly acrobatic and tough in a fight. Notable for the fact that, from her first appearance in what was nominally a kids show, her relationship with the Joker has ''always'' been creepy and abusive. This was once celebrated as a more intimate window to the Joker's insanity, it proved far too interesting for [[SJW|the modern comics industry]], and she was made more violent and separate from the Joker in the 2010s in an attempt to copy the blockbuster Deadpool movie. Depending on the continuity, she's either implicitly bisexual, very explicitly bisexual, or an out-and-out lesbian; this was hinted at going back to the 90s, and the original cartoon's "Harley and Ivy" scenes are masterpieces in in saying it without saying it.<br />
* '''Catwoman:''' A cat burglar (duh) who regularly both goes against Batman (when stealing) and works with him (when they're after the same crook). For a long time, the closest thing Bats ever had to an official love interest, since she married him, became his crimefighting partner, and had a daughter who grew up to become the costumed superheroine Huntress in a parallel universe back before the 2000s, and in the 2010s he and she ''almost'' got married in a big comic event before fan backlash forced DC to ''actually'' let them tie the knot... in yet another spinoff multiverse because it's not allowed to happen in the mainline one.<br />
<br />
* '''The Penguin''': Oswald Cobblepot is a wannabe crime lord taking his name from his short, waddling gait and old-fashioned tuxedo costume. In some stories he's just the black sheep of some old money family, while in the film ''Batman Returns'' and several stories after that he's also a deformed mutant with flipper-like fingers; in any case he's defined by his use of trained birds, gadget-filled umbrellas, and being relatively sane by supervillain standards. In modern comics he gets out of supervillainy and turns to more mundane organized crime, working as a racketeer and info broker from a nightclub called the Iceberg Lounge.<br />
* '''Mr. Freeze:''' ''"This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by winter, forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love; the monster who took you from me will soon learn that revenge is a dish best served '''cold'''."'' After brief stints as a mad scientist and an aggressively German bank robber in other media, the Animated Series rewrote this space-suited villain with a tragic backstory so awesome it immediately displaced the originals. Victor Fries was a scientist specializing in cryogenics until a lab accident mutated him into a being who can only survive at sub-zero temperatures. Obssessed with reviving his terminally-ill wife Nora from suspended animation and getting revenge on whoever caused the accident, Fries builds a cryogenic suit to keep himself alive and weaponizes his freezing technology to strike back at his enemies. He's set apart from the other Batman villains by being [[Iron Hands|calculating and filled with cold rage]] rather than manic, and often lashes out in nihilistic spite in stories where he succeeds in curing Nora only to be rejected for what he's become. He also had a rather ''cool'' appearance in the otherwise-awful Batman & Robin movie, where he was played by the Governator himself.<br />
* '''Poison Ivy''': Pamela Isley is a botany expert turned ecoterrorist with a natural immunity to all toxins, making her a natural poisoner of Gotham's elite industrialists; post-Crisis this was upgraded into being an actual plant person with nature-themed superpowers. Frequently characterized as a seducer in the vein of the psuedo-mythical [[Wikipedia:Alraune|Alraune]], complete with perfumes or pheromones powerful enough to count as mind control. When that doesn't cut it she can fall back on her botany expertise and plant powers, turning trees into something out of [[Catachan]] and Venus flytraps into a passable imitation of one [[Wikipedia:Little Shop of Horrors|mean green mother from outer space]]. After the Animated Series she became associated with Harley Quinn, as both of them tend to have big issues with men and aggressive personalities.<br />
* '''The Riddler:''' Perhaps the most "Silver Age" of the enduring Batman villains, the Riddler is a smug asshole obsessed with brainteasers who sees Batman (being "The World's Greatest Detective") as his only peer. His habit of leaving clues to his crimes for do-gooders to solve is actually a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder, [[Tzeentch|explaining why he constantly sabotages himself with impractical schemes and fallible deathtraps]]. The writers tend to alternate between treating him as a genuine challenge for Batman's intellect and a prancing egomaniac whose most dangerous aspect is his terrible fashion sense.<br />
* '''Bane''': The man who broke the Bat. Taken to a prison island at an early age for his father's crimes, Bane was raised by his fellow political inmates (making him a criminal version of pulp icon Doc Savage) before being used as a test subject for the experimental "super-steroid" called Venom. Now ''totally fucking ripped'', he breaks out and decides his next step is to defeat Batman and rule Gotham, having been haunted by a fear of bats his whole life and with no ties to lawful society. Realizing Batman is still human with human limits, he manipulates Gotham's villains into wearing the Bat down before ambushing him outside the Batcave, breaking Batman's spine over his knee in one of the most iconic images of modern comics. After being defeated by a recovered Batman he continues to strive for a foothold in Gotham's underworld, occasionally taking time off to brutalize anyone trying to sell Venom as an illegal drug. How much of his super-strength comes from Venom varies; initially he used it continuously to stave off withdrawal and was helpless without it, but in later stories he goes cold turkey and is still a big guy without the Venom. Typically flavored as Latin American and dressed as a luchador, signaling that if you tried to take his mask off it would be extremely painful (for you).<br />
* '''Gotham City''': It's a popular pastime for DC writers to figure out how to make Gotham City a place where putting on a bat costume and punching crime in the face can actually make things better. For one thing, it's usually located in New Jersey. This would be bad enough in itself but it ''also'' suffers from corrupt government, organized crime, crooked businesses and anything else you care to name. The architecture is typically a blend of New York City and Chicago, with a hefty dose of Art Deco and Art Nouveau after the 1989 movie and animated series.<br />
<br />
== Batman Miniatures Game ==<br />
The [https://www.knightmodels.com/en/batman-miniature-game-home.html Batman Miniature Game], by [[Knight Models]], is a skirmish game in which players create bands based on major characters and factions. They attempt to take objectives, or just knock out everyone on the opposite team.<br />
<br />
== Appearance in Other RPGs and Board Games ==<br />
There's been more than one attempt to adapt the "DC Universe" into a tabletop RPG or board game. Guess which hero shows up in just about all of them? And then there's the many, many, many Batman clones in "original" Superhero RPG Settings (Superman has more clones, but only because he's the most iconic Superhero).<br />
<br />
== Other /tg/ Relevance ==<br />
* There exists a meme that "Batman could take anyone, with enough prep time" (in the comics, among other places, he's defeated a mind-controlled Superman several times). Thus, among other things, the "Batman [[Wizard]]" of [[Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition]], who had a spellbook large enough to have a spell for every situation... presuming he had time to prepare spells. That being said, the meme doesn't take into account that, while definitely someone who goes into fights with some preparation, he's also ''extremely'' good at improvisation when the situation demands it.<br />
* Responsible, almost single-handedly, for players wanting to play "a guy without superpowers who can fight on par with the guys with powers" in [[Supers]] RPGs.<br />
<br />
== Gallery ==<br />
<gallery><br />
File:JokerTrollface.jpg|The Joker is famous for his ability to put on a cool face no matter the situation.<br />
File:Alignments Batman.jpg|Batman is a morally complex fellow.<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
== See Also ==<br />
* [[Superman]], Batman's most frequent non-"Bat-family" butt buddy.<br />
* [[Konrad Curze]], [[Primarch]] of the [[Night Lords]]. The living (for a while, at least) answer to a question what if Batman and Punisher had a lovechild. Very much in favor of terrorizing enemies to soften them up (or even drive them to kill themselves).<br />
* ''[[Sentinels of the Multiverse]]'', being a loving tribute to all manner of comics, features the Wraith, a stealthy gadget-based superheroine who is both close friends with the local legacy equivalent and fighting like a [[ninja]]. Really, the major difference between the two is that Maia is a hot chick rather than a manly slab of beefcake and that the Wraith is forever in her 20s rather than her 30s and doesn't really experiment with sidekicks.<br />
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[[Category:Comics and Cartoons]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Superman&diff=1009532Superman2026-03-26T04:48:34Z<p>Pachinko Man: </p>
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<div>{{/co/}}<br />
The original [[/co/|comic book]] [[superhero]].<br />
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We can give you a description, but let's be sincere, he's fucking Superman, you know who he is. And in the odd chance you don't, this is the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superman wrong] [https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Superman wiki] to end your ignorance. To say he's widely beloved is an understatement. To put it into perspective, superhero-hating comic author [[Edgy|Garth Ennis]] considers him one of the few superheroes he does respect. <br />
[[File:Superman.jpeg|thumb|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9vrfEoc8_g Dah Dadadah Dah,Dah,Dah..]]]<br />
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As far as /tg/'s concerned, he's relevant for a few reasons:<br />
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* Naturally, he's a fixture of licensed RPGs based on [[DC Comics]].<br />
** The [[Smallville RPG]], released by Margaret Weis Productions, which is by most accounts very good (if very far in the storytelling corner of the storytelling/game/simulation RPG triangle).<br />
** West End Games [[D6 System]] based DC Universe.<br />
** DC Adventures, which is literally a reskin of third edition [[Mutants and Masterminds]] with no rules changes. <br />
* There's the endless debate of how to stat him up in a given RPG.<br />
* He's the original Superhero, and a regular "fountain of expies"; any work of fiction aping superhero comics is probably going to have a flying brick, usually the leader of the most important superhero team, and his relative morality/success is usually a good barometer of the [[Grimdark]]ness of the setting. If your Supes-equivalent is an asshole or died horribly at some point in the past, the setting's probably a deliberate deconstruction or edgy mirror of traditional comics.<br />
* To that point, Superman pioneered the so-called "flying brick" power set: superspeed and flight so he can get around without a hard-to-draw vehicle, super strength and invulnerability so he can get into a lot of over-the-top fights.<br />
* There's a creature card called Morphling in [[Magic: The Gathering]] nicknamed "Superman" because, like Supes, Morphling can do anything a creature card could do at that time, though he needs two blue mana each time. Wizards later printed an enchantment whose name is an anagram for "I am Superman" that can turn any creature into a Morphling-alike.<br />
* [[Batman]]'s other butt buddy, after Robin.<br />
* If you game at all in a comic book store, you'll probably see him on a standee or other display.<br />
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[[Category:Comics and Cartoons]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Mon_Musu_Quest!&diff=1009131Mon Musu Quest!2026-03-21T14:38:28Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008349 by 192.42.116.179 (talk)</p>
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<div>{{Monstergirls}}<br />
{{Sick|Bad ends involve all manner of fucked up shit, from rape to being eaten alive.}}<br />
{{Spoilers}}<br />
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[[File:MGQlogo.png|center]]<br />
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'''Mon Musu Quest''' (Or ''Monster Girl Quest!'' in English) is a /d/egenerated fa/tg/uy's ultimate dream. MGQ is hentai visual novel that involves Monstergirls, role playing, and sorcery. Originally released in Japan only, it saw enough demand that it was eventually translated into English by a fellow named "Rogue Translator".<br />
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==Overview==<br />
[[File:MGQWhy.png|thumb|200px|When we say milked to death, we aren't kidding. The outcome of this is you literally dying.|left]]<br />
MGQ is a hybrid of an interactive visual novel and your classic RPG game, with monstergirls. It takes cues from [[Monster Girl Encyclopedia]] (infact Kenkō Cross, who worked on MGE, also worked on this game), where its basically a giant compendium of different types of monstergirls, but in game form.<br />
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The name of the game itself is pretty much what you do: go on a quest, slay monsters who are also girls, before they slay you. We're not kidding, in most cases, your character is either milked to death or raped and then '''[[vore|fucking digested alive]]''' upon defeat. Beneath that, the game also has a surprisingly lengthy (if arguably good) story and some very good self-aware jokes that take shots at its own genre (I.E: The RPGish tradition of being able to break into houses and ransack it without the occupants giving a damn if you're the protagonist.)<br />
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==Gameplay==<br />
[[File:MGQ combat.png|thumb|200px|Combat is simplistic, yet satisfying enough. Also yes, there's an option for you to either surrender or request your opponent to do a specific move so you can skip to the outcome much faster.]]<br />
For the RPG part of the game, its a bit half-and-half. For one, you don't really get to customize your protag or have your own party (For 2/3s of the game, you're largely fighting alone.). Luka's loadout is fixed and any changes to it is due to the story itself, not because of your call. Also, because of the limitations of the game's genre; just about all actions that need to be done, ranging from traveling, interacting, and combat, are done in a point-and-click fashion off a list of available actions you get. All in all, the game's progression is ultimately linear.<br />
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As for the combat part of the game, it uses the style of classic turn-based RPG-style combat. Enemies and abilities are represented on the screen as CG images that flicker and change during actions and you have a list of skills to choose from fight with. For the most part, battles aren't really ''hard'' as they're largely repetitive (although they do require a modicum of tactical sense to win) and they're largely a case of trial-and-error and a bit of luck. Still though, that doesn't stop it from being fun and it does have a lot of moments to keep you at the edge of your seat.<br />
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Ultimately, because its a simplistic visual novel; you do have to use your imagination to get the most out of it, rather than completely relying on the game for the experience.<br />
<br />
==Plot==<br />
The plot of MGQ follows the quest of a protagonist named Luka in his quest to become a Hero (A sort of in-world name for [[Paladin]]s who slays monsters for Illias, their goddess.) and slay the Monster Lord. Despite his aspirations and firm faith in his religion, he aspires for co-existence between monsters and humans (Not in a perverted way you'd expect from a novel like this. He legitimately thinks that monsters and humans aren't that different and shouldn't kill eachother). He assumes that by killing the evil Monster Lord, peace between humans and monsters would become a real possibility. Along the way, he meets a seemingly out-of-the ordinary Lamia named Alice who decides to join his journey on a whim. Now, Luka must trek across the world, staving off monsters who wants to rape him, and train hard enough to make his vision a reality. But much like all things, things go on a long backroad to fuckups and plot twists before this becomes a reality.<br />
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The game is separated into three chapters, all of which lead up to the end. Starting relatively mild and generic, Luka's adventures start shaping several compromises between humans and nearby monster villages. One nice start involves a harpy village who kidnaps all males from a human village to reproduce, storming it and forcing the queen to come to a compromise and let her humans choose wives. Of course, the condescending attitude of Alice and monsters don't make it any easier: if it were anyone else than a typical doormat Japanese male, he would have snapped and killed someone or at least send a few monstergirls flying. But let's get back to the story. Luka "saves" the human village by rescuing the men who somehow forgot all about their families and were busy fucking feathery cunts, and the women sigh and let their husbands fuck harpies on the sly, and one villager woman who divorces her husband is mentioned.<br />
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Then off you go to the next city or village to fix stuff.<br />
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Step by step, Luka starts liberating, compromising and fighting his way where monsters aren't killed on sight, but not vice versa, predatory monstergirls who eat their prey, even other monstergirls, are simply seen as a cycle of life, it's the humanity that's evil in disrupting this cycle. In typical cringe anime fashion, murderous monster girls with multiple human body counts are easily forgiven, even a utterly horrific human experimenting witch, who has entrenched in a village, [[Grimdark|bribed guards to kidnap people in full sight of everyone, lock them up and torture them to death in experiments to make Iron Maiden monster girls, who are women transforming to utterly mindless torture machines to kidnap their kin and suck their blood and semen to death.]] [[SJW|Said monster woman, Lily, is forgiven as villagers call out their names, fall into despair in tears, pick their daughters' dead bodies from laboratory, but saying if they execute her they will be as evil as her.]] But God forgive if a human militant throws a grenade to scare off misunderstood mermaids, they deserve petrification and death. Oh, the witch village's guards are forgiven back in their posts.<br />
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So Luka regularly discovers, explores and "solves" problematic locations where monster girls and men are in conflict, often lethal on humanity's part but it's anime so it's ok, in typical White Knight fashion Luka beats the monsters who have digested innocent human fisherman already married to another monstergirl but ssh, peace and stuff. If you kill your enemies, they win. Right Trudeau?<br />
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As Luka proceeds, Alice reveals that he needs to defeat four heavenly knights and gathers four elemental powers for imbuing himself to confront the Monster Lord for peace.<br />
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After a long bouts of sexual (and often unnecessarily lethal) monster girl rape attacks, Luka gathers enough artifacts and powers to go to the monster continent.<br />
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Obviously, monster girls in this continent become ever more violent and murderous, but it's ok sshh they are oppressed so Luka wanders to the monster castle to confront the Monster Lord but look, it's actually Alice! What a tweest!<br />
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Like we didn't figure this shit out...Anyway.<br />
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Alice lets Luka duel against her four lieutenants so his powers are honed, then confronts him herself. She asks to be killed so the next generation of people can live in peace, blissfully ignoring her OWN MOTHER TRIED IT and failed, resulting in death of a wizard girl whom the current anti-monster "racist" faction's leader loved, kickstarting another trauma and hatred cycle. But humans are disposable meat while it's always about our semen demons and their poor widdle oppression (a.k.a Pussy Pass).<br />
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In a rare moment of enlightenment AS IF TEN FUCKING HOURS OF COMPROMISES DIDN'T GET THROUGH HIS FUCKING SKULL, Luka's neurons finally manage to fire up between jerking off to monsters and getting sucked by Alice, realizing Ilias has been the other accomplice of this crapsack world, refuses to kill Alice and throws a hissy fit at Ilias.<br />
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Not amused, Ilias reveals her Nazi-Angel-Jesus archetype and starts a massacre of angels, her "angel" monster girls butchering everything in sight. Probably a mercy kill to this world at that rate, but we'll get to that.<br />
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This is when the third game starts, after which it becomes a powerplay campaign where Luka gathers more power to challenge Ilias and beat her.<br />
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The world seems to return to peace, except...well, some monster girls still catch and eat their unwilling mates but we need to respect their oppressed poor species' culture or something. And if you fuck anyone after the end game, you are fucked into eternity and cannot marry Alice or whatever, as if you needed to. And Ilias is back in heaven after her millennia long cycle of atrocities, everything is a-OK!<br />
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So, happy end I guess?<br />
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===Monster Girl Quest: Paradox===<br />
A new trilogy made using RPGmaker, MGQ:P once again places us in the shoes of Luka, ready to close shop and become an adventurer. But things aren't as they seem, when a vision from Ilias saw her corrupted with visual glitches and we are soon introduced to a new character, Luka's childhood friend Sonya, the daughter of one of his father's party members who was never mentioned before. We quickly find out that this game takes place in an alternate timeline where the Remina massacre didn't occur, and was instead swallowed up by an abyss known as a Tartarus. The continent was split up by more Tartari and a [[Shadowrun|magic renaissance]] happened, allowing humans to use magic and develop new technologies from advanced Makina recovered from the Tartari. The goddess Ilias had gone missing, her heaven destroyed by a massive Tartarus in the center of the world, and her religion facing a decline as humans and monsters begin [[Heresy|coexisting]] everywhere, especially where her faith had once been the strongest. <br />
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What would've been an easy quest for the fledgling adventurer was soon complicated by the appearance of Ilias herself, unceremoniously crash landing in the Yamcha pose. She turns out to be fine, except that she has been lolified with only a fraction of her power; her bolt of divine retribution inflicting nothing but static shock on Luka. The agitated goddess joins Luka to find out what the hell happened to her, and soon meets with a lolified Alice XVI who comes to blows with her. Luka can then decide to side with either Ilias or Alice to solve this mystery, which will affect certain dialog and give you access to exclusive characters (though you can redo the game on New Game+ to recruit the other exclusives).<br />
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Luka also encounters a mysterious pair of siblings: an outrageously dressed boy, Nero, with a chuuni streak, and his sister, Neris, who comes onto Luka at every opportunity she gets. Both are extremely powerful warriors from another dimension, saving Luka's bacon on numerous occasions. Later, they are revealed to be the children of Luka and Alice from the original trilogy, who have come to this alternate timeline to correct the timeline after the events of the 3rd game. Turns out the Ilias from that game was sent packing to this alternate timeline with most of her powers sealed after Luka and Alice blew her the fuck out, creating an imbalance of light and dark energies that also summoned the defeated Black Alice to the past in order to correct it. Unfortunately, these transgressions to the timeline hastened the spread of Chaos, which devours whole dimensions and reduce them to nothingness. In response, the timeline created the Tartari, and within it strange techno-organic monsters called Apoptosis were created from females that kill any intruders to prevent further changes to the timeline. <br />
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Things are further complicated when a trio of [[Succubus|succubi]] and a group of powerful archangels show up, dispatched from dimensions where either Alice I or Ilias won the Great Monster War eons ago. Turns out that either world isn't particularly peaceful, where [[Dark Eldar|one is a monster dominated world where humans were kept as cattle/sex toys]] while the other is [[Imperium|a world where humans live under the boot of Ilias and her angels, singing her praises lest they be purged]]. Not only that, the 6 Ancestors and 3 Archangels, top lieutenants of Alice I and Ilias respectively, are still active and actively hostile to humanity.<br />
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Not only that, the kingdom of Grangold has declared war on the other nations while another competition for the title of Monster Lord was occurring, as the dimension's Alice's mother, Alice XV, wasn't killed in this timeline and suddenly returned to take the throne, contested by Black Alice aka Alice VIII from the original trilogy and Neris, calling herself Alice XVII. To make matters worse, Black Alice recruited a number of powerful monsters, as well as several a legendary puppeteer who reanimated several of her ancestors, binding them to her service, while Alice XV seized command of the 4 Heavenly Knights and the Monster Army. Still, it's up to Luka to solve the mysteries of the Tartari, the disappearance of his dimension's Ilias and the strange connection his previously unknown childhood friend Sonya has to the Apoptosis, while preventing his fish from getting dried by thirsty [[monstergirls]]. <br />
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The game plays much like the early Dragon Quest/Warrior Monsters games, where battles are turn based and exploration takes place in a typical grid based JRPG fashion unlike the linear VN style progression of the original trilogy. Luka can have up to 7 other party members, with 3 active in battle and 4 in reserve that can be swapped out in battle if your party members fall. Monstergirls can be recruited by defeating them in battle, having a random chance to get them as a party member, where they will then be added to your party. Additional party members will be added to a pocket castle, where Luka can arrange his party, chat with them, get personal quests from them or [[Slaanesh|perform sexual acts]] with them if their affection is high enough. Fortunately, after getting acquainted with the Reaper, Luka can be spat out of Hades if he dies, allowing him to experience sexual acts that [[Dark Eldar|normally results in his death]], such as getting [[/d/|vored]]. Each party member has unique party chat dialog in response to many interactions, giving quite a bit of characterization to some one-off characters while expanding on more established ones. In addition to monstergirls, you can recruit a number of human girls known as Battle Fuckers, who you must beat in a Battle Fuck (actually just HP beefgating) in order to recruit them and potentially receive other rewards. There are also other human characters you can recruit including males, but only a few are relevant to the plot such as the San Ilia King and Lazarus, a friend of Luka's father.<br />
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Every playable character has a Race and a Job, the former which confers different stat bonuses and penalties, resistances and weaknesses, and grants unique passive abilities and skills while the latter grants various combat and utility skills, and dictates weapon of choice. Passive skills must be managed, with limited slots per character but active skills can be used regardless of class provided the class which has them is mastered and the appropriate weapon is equipped (if required). Basically the system is copied from later Dragon Quest/Final Fantasy games which may be familiar with some players, and you can change your party members' Race and Job at the appropriate facility if they meet the requirements for them. More Races and Jobs can be unlocked via sidequests or main quests, for example where Luka awakens his angel powers and gains access to the Angel Race. Races have more specialized sub-races which can give rise to many [[Cheese|broken]] combos required to beat the notoriously difficult post-game bosses. Unfortunately, mastering each Race and Job will take a [[Rage|large amount of grinding]] typical to the genre but [[Weeaboo|players familiar with these type of games]] can cheat themselves exp boosting items using 3rd party addons to hasten the grind.<br />
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Currently there are 2 parts of the MGQ:Paradox that have been released and translated, but the 3rd and final game is still in the works, and has been promised to be even bigger than the previous 2 parts combined. Time will tell when Part 3 gets a release date, but who knows how long will it take for a fan translation to happen, considering the estimated scale of the game.<br />
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tl;dr a sequel trilogy that greatly expands the lore of the setting, adds a whole lot of gameplay options with a huge selection of party members, each with plenty of dialog (including those that can't actually speak) and a challenging endgame if you want to get your minmaxing gear on.<br />
<br />
==Main Characters==<br />
===Protagonists===<br />
====Luka====<br />
Our violet-haired protag who you'll be controlling for the majority of the game. He's an orphan who lost both his parents at a young age, but decides to have a happier, peaceful, if not naive, outlook on life. He decides to be a hero at the behest of his mother's dying wish and trained to become one until his baptism into an official hero, where he intends to defeat the Monster Lord to allow coexistence between monsters and humans. Things go [[Not as Planned|not as planned]] after Illias refused to show during his baptism and bestow him with her protection, and he was not made into an official hero (Although, its eventually revealed that the "protection" is just making their semen taste horrible to monsters, discouraging monsters from raping heroes). Regardless, Luka believes that a hero is an occupation, not a title, and decides to continue his quest anyway, despite the setback.<br />
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As a character, he starts out as your typical, happy-go-lucky everyday protagonist due to his naivet, but as the journey progresses, he eventually starts to realize that good-and-evil aren't as simple as black and white and develops a more mature, yet still righteous morality by the end of the game.<br />
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At the final parts of the game, Luka is revealed to be a Nephilim, the product of a mortal and an angel. It was revealed that his mother was one of the first angels created by Illias, who rebelled against her, and decided to live the remainder of her life as a mortal human. Due to his unblessed nature and half-angel origins, this has the observable side-effect of making his man juice tastier than usual, which causes monstergirls to utterly ravage him when he's defeated and molested. The fact that he's on a hair-trigger down there isn't doing him any favors in battle either, causing him to succumb rather quickly.<br />
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====Alice====<br />
Alipheese Fateburn XVI is our female protagonist of [[Lamia]] origins and Luka's traveling partner. Originally found unconscious by Luka after crash-landing near his village due to an altercation with Illias (which subsequently prevented her from appearing in his baptism), she takes a liking to him after attempting to help her while she was unconscious and his particularly unique ideals of coexistence (although she originally found it idiotic). She decides to tag along with Luka on his quest, just so she could see him crumble at how hopeless his vision is, and also to taste the various foodstuffs around the world.<br />
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She's your textbook tsundere (albeit brutal), where she's completely indifferent to Luka at first, but starts to warm up to him after she realizes that he's dead serious about his aspirations of coexistence and his drive at making progress. Still, that doesn't stop her from privately raping and dominating Luka, both for sustenance and hidden feelings for him. Also, because Luka's a lovable idiot, she's commonly responsible for exposition. <br />
<br />
Near the end of the first part of the game, she is revealed to be the Monster Lord (though there was enough foreshadowing that it was obvious, she even berates Luka for not realizing) and was traveling the world to correct a mistake she originally did as a child. Her mother, who was the previous Monster Lord, originally decided to sacrifice herself in order to bring peace between humans and monsters, as she believed she needed to die to quell human hatred against monsters. Things went not as planned when Alice stumbled upon her dead mother's corpse and the heroes responsible (who themselves, just realized her intentions) and proceeded to attack them, resulting in two of them dead, the other two seriously wounded, all the while destroying the message her mother died trying to get across.<br />
<br />
Alice planned to have Luka face and kill her at the end of the second part of the game. The player has the option of facing her earlier, but beating her at the point is impossible and will lead to Luka getting eaten. She hoped that her death would allow a new era of peace, but Luka refused to kill her and berated her for trying to senselessly sacrifice her life. Instead, she and him focused on their real enemy, Illias.<br />
<br />
===The Four Heavenly Knights===<br />
The knights are the Monster Lord's closest advisers and comprised of the most powerful monsters of each race. All except Tamamo vied for the position of Monster Lord, but were all krumped by Alice in the end, cementing her position and accepting their loss without further contest (Tamamo only joined to prevent the three from possibly ganging up on Alice, ensuring her loss).<br />
<br />
They all start out as mostly hostile to Luka, viewing him no more as a naive plaything, but eventually accept him as a serious peer, more or less, after defeating them in single combat.<br />
<br />
====Alma Elma====<br />
The Queen of Succubi and holds the element of wind. A whimsical succubus who's actions can be summed up as: "I do it for the lulz", she only does anything for her own amusement, caring little about the ultimate outcome (For example, she gave up early in the fight for the Monster Lord throne, despite having plenty of energy to fight left, only because she already had her fill of entertainment and saw little need to continue on).<br />
<br />
Secretly however, she's also an accomplished martial artist, although does not actively use this as preferring violence over pleasure would disqualify her as the Queen Succubus, along with a personal disdain for violence. (Of course, she eats Luka alive if he is defeated, so kinda seriously bad writing there.)<br />
<br />
====Tamamo====<br />
The Queen of the Kitsune race and holds the element of earth. Similarly whimsical like Alma, although with more, she acts as Alice's spiritual mother after her real one was killed (infront of her, no less) and did everything so that she grew up without hating humanity, as the world can't afford another Black Alice, inciting another bloodbath.<br />
<br />
Her character is the most mentally stable of the monster girls, already hinting that her age isn't what it seems to be. The worst she implied would do is to make Luka repair the castle's damage as her "love slave"(albeit well treated) if he lost, so she can be counted as [[This Guy]]'s rule 63.<br />
<br />
She acts as the mentor of each monster lord after the eighth and is the oldest of the Heavenly knights, despite her [[DFC|loli-like appearance]]. Its eventually revealed that she is one of the first monsters who served with the first Monster Lord, who avoided sealing by taking a child-like form.<br />
<br />
====Erubetie====<br />
The Queen of Slimes and holds the power of water. Originally a benevolent and kind ruler; due to humans encroaching on her people's territory and polluting their environment, making it uninhabitable for slimes, she had a hostile view of humanity, wishing to exterminate them to reclaim their lost homes.<br />
<br />
She is unapologetically the most murderous of the monstergirl race, letting her slimes devour and eat men alive even in peacetime because civilization pollutes society, and goes on batshit enough to make a hydrogen bomb inside her body to destroy the world once she starts to lose, making her the series' edgy monster queen.<br />
<br />
She was eventually convinced by Luka that attempting to exterminate humanity will only lead to more loss to her subjects, and overtime, came to accept his proposal of co-existence by the end of the game.<br />
<br />
====Granberia====<br />
An unparalleled dragonkin swordswoman who holds the power of fire. She was abandoned at birth near the volcano of Salamander, the spirit of fire. She was then taken in by her and trained in the way of the sword, eventually surpassing her mentor. Probably the most "righteous" of monster girls, Granberia openly avoids killing humans(knocking them out and boasting of her strength) and even saves them from murderous monstergirls, is one hell of a tsundere dom [[Musclegirl]] who likes to step on knocked out men's privates. Hey, I'm not judging if you aren't killing.<br />
<br />
She comes to view Luka as a rival after seeing his potential in combat that very few have come to match.<br />
<br />
==Antagonists==<br />
===Angels===<br />
====Illias====<br />
The game's main antagonist, though it's not revealed for most of it. Initially she is believed to be the creator of humans and monsters, and the latter ran out of control. In reality, she grew jealous of the first Monster Lord and waged war upon her. The battle only ended after she threatened to exterminate everyone on the planet as a final word, which the Monster Lord could not afford. Thus, she and her advisers sealed themselves away to avoid this, leaving Illias the sole remaining deity alive.<br />
<br />
She is the main deity worshiped throughout the setting and is the propagator of monster condemnation; proclaiming them to be evil creatures who only wish for the downfall of mankind, all interaction with them should be shunned.<br />
<br />
In a Labyrinthine plot that would make a [[Lord of Change]] blush, she orchestrated the every last major event that happens in the game that leads up to the climax, in order for her to become the ultimate god of all by being able to manipulate both light and dark energies. This includes inciting a slaughter of a human/monster population to initiate monster hate, the entirety of Luka's travels, Promestein's and Dark Alice's rebellion against her, all the way up to her being consumed by Dark Alice so that she could absorb her powers once Luka inevitably gives her the knife.<br />
<br />
====Promestein====<br />
One of the angels under Illias, who was originally banished after interacting with humans to give them knowledge (namely, fire).<br />
<br />
She was brought back by Illias in order to find a way to defeat the Monster Lord and the 4 Heavenly Knights, along with everyone else on the planet so she could rebuild it in her image. She does this by using chimeric beasts, synthetic life forms comprised of different creatures, along with traditional necromancy. Her chimeras, however, were also made so that she could rebel against her former master.<br />
<br />
===Monsters===<br />
====Black Alice====<br />
Alipheese Fateburn VIII was one of the previous monster lords who incited war against humans, leading to a bloody chapter that only ended after she was defeated by an unblessed hero named Heinrich. Why she did so was not clear, some say she went mad with power, while a monster who was alive during her time said she did it for the preservation of her fellow monsters. In either case, its what caused Tamamo to mentor each subsequent Monster Lord to prevent her reign from happening again.<br />
<br />
She was secretly resurrected by Illias so that she could have control over dark energy and was secretly planning along with Promestein to betray Illias. She consumes Illias near the end of the game, but this event was secretly planned by Illias in order to allow her to absorb Dark Alice's power, leading to a Tzeentchian plot of Not as Planned actually being Just as Planned.<br />
<br />
==The Art Style==<br />
[[File:MGQ difference.png|thumb|250px|Two of the main supporting characters: Tamamo and Alma Elma. As you'll see, both of them are drawn using different styles, due to the fact that both of them were drawn by different artists, so there's no real consistent look between all the monsters. As you progress through the game, this becomes more and more evident.]]<br />
Now, MGQ doesn't have a uniform art for all the monster girls in the game, which many of people will notice. Unlike the MGE, MGQ is a large game. Thus, Kenkō wasn't the only artist involved in this game. There were several involved in the project of creating and drawing a large roster of characters. Thus, the monstergirls tend to not have a uniform look. Some look like traditional animu characters (and even then, with their own variations), some look like they were drawn using a western-style art, and some don't look like anything in particular, with the artist using their own art style.<br />
<br />
Some designs are quite recognizable as having been done by Kenkou Cross, others aren't and aren't really that bad, while others range much closer to the grotesque side. Many monster-girls in this game are, frankly disturbing, boiling down to "human face and one or more boobs on an otherwise repulsively monstrous body" or "human woman's upper torso mounted on a much bigger monster's body". The number of monster-girls in this game who have a gaping bestial maw filled with long, nasty-looking teeth where their female genitalia should be is quite offputting (But then again, if you're not part /d/eviant, maybe this isn't the game for you). That said, this isn't the total case. A lot of the popular species are drawn quite well enough.<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://pastebin.com/xAVD9SSt A pastebin containing most of the links you'll need to download the game in English]. Its recommended to buy the retail version to support the developers, <span style='color:green;font-size:115%'>but den again, if you'z a [[Freebooterz|freeboota]], zog all dat noiz.<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
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File:D is NSFW tg.png<br />
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</center><br />
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[[Category:NSFW]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Kulmorost_Divided&diff=1009130Kulmorost Divided2026-03-21T14:36:47Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008433 by 192.42.116.179 (talk)</p>
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[[File:KulmorostBig.png|thumb|400px|The latest map for Kulmorost Divided]]<br />
<br />
The following is a product of many great minds working together on a /tg/ thread started by an anon. It was produced across several days of hard labour (the thread is rumoured to be still going to this very day)<br />
<br />
The product was a harmonic and absolutely fantastic [[Noblebright|Grimbright]] high fantasy setting... <br />
Anon wanted to create a world where humans lack magic and were driven into the northern wastes. We now have that, AND nazi-dwarves, elves which will turn you into a flowerpot if you mess with their farms, orcs being too damn nice and Halflings who behave themselves like typical rednecks - either getting drunk and high on everything or making bunkers and filling them with guns. Also fucking scaled-feathered barbarian velociraptors are about to start fulfilling their holy destiny to murderdevour elves.<br />
<br />
Oh, and also magic works only through the leather, flesh and bones of sentient beings. You can cannibal someone for greater magical power at the price of making yourself a drooling comatose vegetable nuke.<br />
<br />
This is '''''Kulmorost Divided'''''.<br />
<br />
== Sinister magic ==<br />
<br />
Magic in '''Kulmorost''' ''can only be conducted through organic material, such as flesh and bone.'' All artifacts and magical devices are built from once living (or in some horrible cases, still living) creatures (although plants can be substituted in some cases).<br />
<br />
While common animal bones are suitable for minor magical items - temporary light sources, directional tools, one-use "ammunition" - nobody has ever managed to make a powerful magical item with anything other than the body parts of a thinking being.<br />
This creates some demand for corpses in areas with numerous enchanters of skill.<br />
<br />
Magic uses a caster's life force to manipulate the world around them. Casting spells causes physical and mental exhaustion, and casting too much causes potentially terminal conditions, such as heart attacks, aneurysms, and lung collapses.<br />
<br />
It is possible to gain greater magical powers by consuming the flesh and souls of other sentient magically adept beings, the cost of one's mental stability and health. At it's peak someone who does that will become a trembling husk barely able to stand but capable of summoning city-destroying magics.<br />
<br />
If magic is used to fortify ones physical attributes in an attempt to counter-act these negative effects (creating a magical oxymoron: use magic to prevent the drawbacks of overusing magic) it causes a condition known as Arcane Hemorrhaging, this causes a caster's magical essence to leak out, deforming the caster and weakening their magical ability. This also tends to create a magic dependency, making a person want to gain more power to make up for the leakage of essence, although this always makes things far worse for them. If the condition is allowed to advance, it can lead to the complete loss of magical ability as well as any bodily enhancements. But at least don't suffer the usual negative effects of casting magic, and never will again.<br />
<br />
There is also a degree of "sympatheticness" to magic: you can enchant anything organic with a enchantment to prevent breakage for example, but the bones of creatures that are themselves tough are easier to enchant. Human bones and leather, oddly enough make for good magic resistant materials, which some scholars believe is one of the reasons the human genocide began: dwarves and elves were hunting humans for materials to improve their own defenses. It should be noted that while human bones and leather take anti magic enchantments well, living humans have no particular resistance to magic. <br />
<br />
Although it is less common as it requires more skill, trees and plant can also be used and manipulated for magic as is common in the Elven principalities. These magics are generally centered around agriculture and extending ones life (although attempting to become immortal is strictly forbidden). Prolonged exposure to this kind of magic can cause someone to begin to resemble the kind of plant that gave them their long life (usually a tree). This transformation comes in the form of leaves and root sprouting from the appendages as well as the hardening of skin and the dampening of the senses (poorer hearing, sight etc.). This can reach such an extreme that they become something known as and Elder Tree (which is literally an elder who has become a tree)<br />
<br />
Of all organic materials, teeth are the best to store charms and curses. It is common in elvish society to wear necklaces made of your own milk teeth, with the rich getting each one individually enchanted with some small boon.<br />
<br />
<br />
Metals in turn are not seen as worthy materials, and only used for common tools among the magical races. One exception is '''Silver'''. It is notable and reviled by mages for its anti-magic qualities. The more pure the Silver, the more potent the effect. Alloy with traces of Silver irritates magical flesh, pure Silver outright burns it, and Silver reduces and deadens offensive magic. Silver weapons, armor, and jewelry are highly prized among Humans and Beastmen, and are considered contraband among the magical races.<br />
<br />
== History ==<br />
[[File:Kulmorost_Timeline.jpg|thumb|Timeline of Kulmorost]]<br />
=== Creation Myths ===<br />
<br />
=====Draconic Creation Myth=====<br />
<br />
======The Perfect Dragons and the Writhing Void======<br />
<br />
Old legends say that When the world was yet unformed and the powers of chaos lay still in the sky, the earth was a infertile plain of stone which was watched over by two supreme beings, one of stone and flame and one of gemstone and ice.<br />
<br />
These two supreme beings sat at either side of eternity, watching the world and loving it for it was perfect. But in perfection there is balance and balance cannot be kept while chaos exists. One side: the earth, perfect and flat. The other side: the sky, imperfect, ever-changing and writhing. <br />
<br />
The two dragons sat for an eternity, but eternity is too short a time to achieve perfection. And so out of the sky came an ''imperfect wyrm'' into the perfect plain. This wyrm was the embodiment of change, now introduced into the world. This angered one of the dragons, but not the other. For they were opposites as the land and sky. <br />
<br />
The angered dragon of ice and gemstone was named '''Fandthol'''. Justice was swift upon the wyrm as Fandthol smote it with a talon and swallowed it. But somehow Fandthol's rage was not sated and so set upon the land. The wrath of Fandthol disrupted the plain with storms of ice, tearing it apart, creating canyons and mountains in its wake. At the other end of eternity '''Akriton''' saw Fandthol's rage upon the land and was mourned. Akriton then gathered all power that was available, and became great, dark and terrible to behold. <br />
<br />
When Fandthol and Akriton met at the center of eternity, they collided with such a terrible force that the world was cracked from every corner, tearing the world out of eternity and making it finite. Their battle wreathed the land in flame and ice, and then in water and soot. Until finally Fandthol was defeated, which could not have happened if the Void wyrm had not weakened his will. Fandthol's body fell to the earth and shattered into countless pieces and from those pieces in aeons to come would hail the ''first peoples'' of the world. Akriton then roared up into the sky at the void in rage and sadness. Seeking to destroy the void.<br />
<br />
But the writhing void retreated and went behind the world, as did Akriton chase it. And this pursuit has not ceased to this day. While in the day Akriton is visible, great burning and full of hatred for the void. And at night the writhing void, littered with the wounds that Akriton had inflicted upon it which burn through with terrible contempt.<br />
<br />
=====Myth of the origin of the Magic and the Magical Races=====<br />
One of the most ancient tales (now often speculated to be fabrication) states that a millenia after death of Acrynahl and the start of Civilisation, a '''Trade''' was made between one wife of a fisher and a Merchant of the Mists. She wanted her man to be with her more often, as she missed him on his long fishing trips.<br />
<br />
The Merchant gave her power to do just that: She suddenly had the power to Command her husband to do whatever she wanted. <br />
Yet the now mentally-slaved husband was not what the wife had wanted and she commanded the husband to kill them both.<br />
<br />
Usually the tale is used to warn about strange merchants and the usage of mind-controlling magic, but it some (mostly older) versions of the tale also mention that ''every single one'' of the current magic using races is direct offspring of the wife.<br />
<br />
Tales do not agree on what was the '''Cost to the Trade''' as it depends between cultures and variations.<br />
<br />
=====Dwarven Creation Myth=====<br />
As presented in the orthodox Cult of the Maker to the believers by the priests.<br />
<br />
======GENESIS======<br />
At the First Beginning was and yet wasn't, the Architect.<br />
Then the Architect was.<br />
His sole Presence turned The Void That Never Was And Cannot Ever Be into the Primordial, Unformed and Chaotic Matter.<br />
The Perfect Architect saw potential in this Imperfect Cosmos.<br />
Unlike His pure Essence, the Matter was made of two muddled Substances, a higher one and a lesser one.<br />
The Architect conceived a Perfect Model of the World to Come and His First Action was to separate the two Substances from each other.<br />
His Second Action was to create the Maker from His Essence in a guise made of the higher Substance and to place him in the Higher Region of the World.<br />
<br />
======SUBGENESIS======<br />
At the Second Beginning, born and yet unborn was the Maker.<br />
Then born was the Maker.<br />
His Vision revealed the Lower Region of the World.<br />
The Architect instructed him with the Plan of the World to Come, and promised he will be able to join Him as a reward once his work is done and the World is made Perfect.<br />
And the Maker began his work.<br />
He shaped the Higher then the Lower Region to the exact specifications of the Architect, yet the World was still imperfect.<br />
The Maker felt frustation and anger, but the Architect calmed him down before he wrecked the Cosmos in his rage, and explained to him why the World still wasn't perfect.<br />
Souls like the ones of the Lower Region had to be created, but made like the Maker of the Essence of the Architect itself, and had to achieve the World by fructifiate and create civilization within it, guided by the Maker.<br />
The Third Action was to create these souls made of His Own Essence and make them reincarnate in the Lower Region until their task is done.<br />
Then the World will be purged of all imperfections and these souls will ascend with the Maker to the Realm of the Architect, for all of the two Substances and the Essence will be in its right place.<br />
These souls are those of the Dwarves, and so we will be reincarnated in this World until our task is done.<br />
The Imperfection is the cause of everything bad in this World : Evil, diseases, hunger, natural disasters, weakness in both mind and body,ect..<br />
We must endure all of these sorrows because once our work here is finished, this World will be perfect and we will get our reward in the Realm of the Architect.<br />
<br />
===The Goblin - Giant War===<br />
Barely fragmentary myths survive to tell us of a war between the Goblins and Giants north of them. The war ended when the Goblins drove the Giants with magic to the Northwestern Peninsula and then used their powers break the peninsula off from the mainland separating the giants from Kulmorost to this new island (later called Lesia). <br />
<br />
Thus began the golden age of the Goblin Empire and meanwhile the Giants starved in their new island.<br />
<br />
<br />
===The Goblin Cataclysm===<br />
[[File:Gentree.png|thumb|right|genetical tree of races, mostly thanks to goblin magic]]<br />
The Southern Wastes as they are called now where not always so, before the rise of the orcs and the great feuds between the races. The goblins, as easily forgotten and powerless as they are now called this land theirs.<br />
Some say they were punished by their gods for the misuse of magic, that they tried to give life to that which is not meant to have it and for that they were struck down Few know that they succeeded.<br />
The great mages gathered where mountain met the sea, bringing forth sacrifices of beast and men and goblin, dragon and the great beasts of the sky, they used their magics to pull behemoths from the waves. For weeks they spilled the blood onto the earth, weaving great incantations as they did pouring the very essence of their race into this spell<br />
And at last '''the Black Earth rose.'''<br />
The Goblins had made God. A god of stone and molten rock pulled itself from the earth, a mountain bent to the will of these mighty spell weavers.<br />
No one knows why it fell, and the names of all who brought it fourth have been cursed and taken from the tales.<br />
<br />
The Black Dunes are where the beast fell and the Godless Bay between the Eleven lands and the Southern Peninsula is where the great beast was made and raised from.<br />
<br />
===The Haumic Exodus===<br />
After the Goblin Cataclysm, Humanity used to be a fragmented number of Kingdoms and Republics mostly north of the current city of UR. The Watery Moor also belonged to humans. <br />
<br />
This ''Land of Haumics'' was vast buffer territories between Elves, Dwarves and Trolls. It was like Principalities of past - many loosely tied duchies, petty kingdoms, republics and tribes with several power players and none telling everyone how to live or play. In part, this lead to the Exodus as humanity had no unified Lord or King - which led to a fractured defense. The Land of Haumics was mostly uncontested because Elves were separated and bickered with each other and dwarves were not the powerhouse that they are now - they simply did not have numbers to overwhelm the humans. <br />
<br />
It all changed when Dwarves met the most powerful Elven princes and princesses at the meeting place later named UR. It was a long, long discussion, full of backstabbing and betrayal, but in the end an "Alliance" was formed, and with it, the fate of Humanity sealed, and their soon to be conquered territories divided between the Alliance. The exact details of why the Elves and Dwarves united against Humans have been forgotten. The fear that the warlike Humans would eventually reach and surpass the magical ability of the other Races, whether true or not, is often cited as one reason, as is that Elves, Dwarves and Humans were in competition for good lands after the Goblin Cataclysm had destroyed their old lands.<br />
<br />
During the long, bloody war, the Elves and Dwarves fought as a unified front: Elves provided troops while Dwarves provided weapons and mages. The human nobles were still relying on the power of their individual kingdoms. Their lack of cohesion cost them greatly, suffering heavy losses.<br />
<br />
One of the worst battles of the war was the ''Carnage on Cain'' (known to Elves as "Battle at river Cain" "Cain's miracle" and "That battle when several important human idiots betrayed their kin for one whore", depends who you ask) where several human princes betrayed their kin for Elves (but in the end, they got what they deserved - genocide). After that battle the individual human realms ceased to exist. Names of Human Traitors were erased from both Human and Dwarven history.<br />
<br />
One of the most prominent human leaders was '''King Leoric''' (latter known as "King Leoric the Doomed") who decided to unify all human forces after Cain and the one who commanded the remaining Humans during ''the Last Battle'' at rolling hills of now Samcin Kingdom. The excess of magic used by Dwarves drove Leoric to madness. After the battle was lost he ordered a retreat through Troll Lands and legends say that seeing weakness in human nature, Leoric started to feast upon the bodies of trolls he slew himself. After the human exodites broke through to the Northern Wastes, Leoric and his closest allies disappeared in a snowstorm, never to be seen again.<br />
<br />
The Exodus to the Northern Wastes through the Troll Tribes was the source of many a dark deed and even darker legends. Upon reaching the far North, the exodites built the the Valkery Cathedral to house their knowledge and separated (once more) to various tribes.<br />
<br />
== The Geopolitical World ==<br />
The continent of '''Kulmorost''' is the main stage for the setting. It is a land of magic, beasts, civilizations at the height of their economy, and brutish war tribes seeking only bloodshed. The world is not unlike earth in the majority of climate, flora, and fauna (with exceptions) and is divided into many different factions.<br />
<br />
With a quick glance, the species of Kulmorost are rather fantasy-standard yet with refreshing differences. However if one begins to dig deeper, however, there will be interesting secrets found...<br />
<br />
===Military power of the realms ===<br />
Scale: 1 = not dangerous to 10 = you are already dead <br />
<br />
*Goblins pre-Cataclysm were definitely 13, <br />
summoning meteors to fucking rain on you. <br />
<br />
*Laffu are something between 5 and 12.<br />
<br />
*Dwarves and Elves would be about 9 combined, 6-8 alone and 4-5 as individual realms.<br />
<br />
*Humans alone (Tribes, Grave Lords, pirates, etc) are 2-4, as a mega-horde 7-10 depending on leader and zeal, and of course, equipment<br />
<br />
*Lesians are 4-7 about. Potential threats for Elves.<br />
<br />
*Gnomes are 7 if they defend their cities and 3-4 if for some reason they go on offense<br />
<br />
*Orcs are somewhere 3-5, depending on the tribe and if have you angered them. They are at the lesser end of the totem pole.<br />
<br />
*Centaurs are 0 to 3. They cause mayhem once in few generations.<br />
<br />
*Kobolds and Gualli are roughly 1. Regular annoyances.<br />
<br />
*Trolls and others are not militaristic so they are about 0 to 2.<br />
<br />
=== Humans ===<br />
The Humans (also called Haumics) are mostly non-magic using scum who were driven to the cold Northern Wastes in the War of Human Exodus long ago in the ancient times. In modern times, they hover on the brink of extinction, living in [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|barbaric xenophobic]] nomad/barbarian tribes with a messiah-figure in the form of a conqueror who will unite their tribes. They are barely eking out an existence in the frigid, unforgiving wastes. <br />
<br />
Most form various kinds of primitive tribes. One particular interest is those tribes who herd ''Wooly rhinos''. Wooly Rhinos reproduce slowly, and consume massive amounts of food, making them extremely valuable in Human society. Only a few Human nomad tribes and townships near the coasts and the Troll lands have access to these magnificent beasts, and due to the advantages they bring, they will not part with their monopoly anytime soon.<br />
<br />
The rest of the Humans make do with walking, and they are infamous among other races for their ability to march nonstop for days, even without magical assistance, if need be.<br />
<br />
There are a couple cities which occupy themselves in other "trades" like piracy and raiding. Examples of these cities listed below.<br />
<br />
They still resent the more magically gifted races for what their ancestors did, and many tribes raid southern civilizations to supplement their hunting and gathering during the cold season. Despite their magical inability, Humans are still extremely good at killing things, and many of the more civilized races fear that eventually an ambitious Human chieftain will arise and unite all tribes under one banner, forming an unstoppable horde.<br />
<br />
[[File:Human_Knight.jpg|thumb|left|Scare other races to the bone]]<br />
<br />
Some tribes of human have great affinity for working metal. They use it to create monstrous masked suits of armour, crafted to resemble the dead (usually shaped to the likeness of a relative's skull). The sight of these warriors strikes fear into the hearts of most civilized creatures. And very few live to tell of these abominable Iron Revenants.<br />
<br />
"Clad in all that ghastly metal. Why would the living strive to become like the dead? Surely that cold iron freezes their hearts as well." -''The Shades of the North'', a study by Yulyn, Elvish Scholar.<br />
<br />
It is impossible for Humans to reproduce with Elves, Dwarves, Orcs, or Goblins. Of course, this doesn't stop them from trying. The few who have laid with Humans know that the rumors of their almost supernatural endurance are not exaggerated.<br />
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Curiously, some legends state that the Magical Races are offspring of humans. While other legends say the magical races were created by an entirely different being.<br />
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==== Important Human Cities ====<br />
*'''Tempest Edge''': The Tempest Edge sits on the most west point of Northern coast overlooking the Storm ocean. Here sits the Silent King. So named as the wind speaks for him and brings news of when to go into open waters or when to wait. In exhange he gave up his human tongue....Or so the elvish survivors tell. His ships come during both the worst weather boats can survive and in an eery quiet seemingly brought on by the men themselves, his warriors plundering villages and cities wordlessly before returning back to open sea with the same unsettling silence as they arrived.<br /> This human city has very poor and frozen earth, which leads most men to seek nourishment from dangerous waters of the ocean. Only the best survive this test of nature, molding them into perfect sailors whom their king wields with brutal efficacy. Hidden by storm, fog or rain from the eyes of Sot Watch Tower, he remains unpunished for his deeds. But the journey is always dangerous and deadly so beside the skilled men of Tempest, only madmen and martyrs join his raids. For their bravery, the Silent King builds great tombs for all human remains returned from their raids.<br />
*'''Frostfrontier''': a human city on the coast of the Val sea. It has an underground section as well as an above ground one. It is one of the most important human ports, and you can find most kinds of humans within it. It began as an underground settlement nestled in a massive cave system and it has stood for at least 500 years. It houses the largest market of the Haumic lands, and has been ruled from the beginning by a family of centaurs.<br />
*'''Toren''': Deep in the frozen northern coast of Talahaca lies the Toren volcano. In its shadow lives a particularly stubborn tribe of humans who are generally territorial and extremely protective of their warm and fertile lands - many have tried to conquer them and as of yet none have succeeded. This tribe has taken its name after the volcano: the Defenders of Toren. Another frequent cause of battles is that the Defenders are followers of "The Mother Toren". They hold many negative stories about other humans close to heart, (usually calling them Oathbreakers) typically revolving around the Defenders being wronged somehow in the War of Human Exodus. The true reason is forgotten, as the Defenders are illiterate, their history passed down through the generations as spoken word. Tales of the Oathbreaking are too nimerous wide ranging to truly decipher whatever wrongdoing occurred to make them despise their fellow man.<br /> Many other tribes, in turn, see the Defenders as heretics and betrayers of their fellows, undeserving of their rich lands and worthy only of conquest. No wonder they are frequently attacked - the Defenders have a saying that "a summer without a siege is a great one indeed!". <br />The Defenders have adapted to their role particularly well - their villages are defensible forts linked by secret tunnels. Their lava-forges, although lacking steel or silver, produce large amounts of iron spears, shields, and arrows. The Defenders could become quite wealthy by selling these high quality weapons, yet they understandably fear that these weapons would be turned against them in the coming years. Combined with their general disdain of the the other tribes, they rarely if ever engage in trade.<br /> The Defenders are ruled by three forgemaster-commanders who decide what is produced, what is built, and who lead the defense of the tribe.<br />
*'''Grimbridge''': The Grimbridge tribe sits by both sides of the old stone bridge, built long before they arrived. The bridge lays across river Stern (the large northern river which flows to Val sea). Known for their great strength and wealth among all the other local tribes.<br /> mostly due to every trader who wants to cross the river having to pay a toll and every raiding party crossing said bridge has to share a small part of their spoils, with any number of steelclad grimbride warriors stationed to enforce their claim as well as their tithes.<br />
*'''Lemon Keep''': Situated on a small island west of The Neck is the Lemon Keep of the Latrosia family. They are a small but still somewhat rich family, one of the few noble houses that still exist after the Exodus. <br /> The castle is well made (built immediately after the Exodus) and easily defended from non-magical races. It is known for the trees that grow within the walls (merely a few lemon and orange trees) which is where it gains its many nicknames, The Lemon Keep, Yellow hill, Treehold and so on. <br /> If one is passing through the Neck you'll come close to the fort, making it a popular spot for Raiding parties looking to rest or the occasional traveler/trader. These factors all contribute to why the Latrosia family has kept its wealth and land for all this time (you wouldn't believe how much silver someone returning from an extended stay in troll territory will pay for a lemonade). The family is well connected with the pirate lords as well as the Valkery Cathedral and lords of Frostfontier.<br /> There are plenty of tribes and other people that would love to get rid of the family and have the land for themselves, but the Lemon Keep is so well fortified, supplied and easily defensible it's not really a good idea trying to lay siege to it as the family can just wait the invaders out.<br />
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==== Human Religion ====<br />
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Humans mostly practice ancestor worship and believe bones are sacred except for the ones who use bones for everything out of spite. Some believe in the winged goddess '''Valkery''', mother of all humans. Upon their death she pulls out soul from the bones and leads them to paradise. Though should their bones be disturbed she won't be able to pull soul out, that's why they are so protective of the bones. It is also believed if you reclaim (or die trying) bones of the disturbed your sins will be forgiven.<br />
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This leads to many criminals and alike to atone for their sins and go south with raiding party in one or several men crusade.<br />
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Also there is many kinds of myths about the One who will unite the tribes and lead them back to south. Fortunately for the rest of races, this has not happened yet.<br />
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Somewhere between the River of Death and Stern lies most important religious site for all humans, the '''Valkery Cathedral'''. A monument built from steel and stone when humans only arrived to Northern wastes. <br />
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Warrior-monks live here guarding whole place from any intruders as not only it is sacred ground for praying, many chieftains find this place to recieve blessing of the goddess before taking leadership of their clan, it became common practice for them to bring remains of the last leader with them to put those bones in sprawling catacombs.<br />
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But unknown to most this place also holds library with tomes and books that humans brought with them after being driven north. The books that hold untainted by dwaves knowledge about times before exodus<br />
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==== Unorthodox Cults ====<br />
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*'''Of Pirate Lords''': There's a pretty simple reason that you rarely see the Pirate Lords in the northern segments of the wastes. They fear not simply for their lives but also for their souls. You see a common suspicion among the Pirate Lords is that Large bodies of water (including lakes rivers and the ocean) are the eyes of the Valkery into the mortal world. If one dies reasonably close to these places you are fine, but if you die too far from water then the Valkery will never know you died and won't come to collect your soul, leaving your soul trapped inside your rotting body until it is brought close enough to a body of water for the Valkery to see it and recover the soul. Not exactly an experience that most are in favour of. As such they rarely venture inland and if they do it is mostly via the water ways.<br />
**'''Heresy among pirates''': It's become a somewhat custom among Human Pirate Lords to keep captured Elven women as concubines, to symbolize Mankind's supposed superiority over the Magical races. The fact that most Elves are quite attractive by Human standards and remain youthful for many decades is also a reason for this practice. Elves of noble blood and/or arcane talent are considered more valuable, because "humbling" them is much more satisfying. Those who follow the custom are a sizable minority among the Human Pirate Kings and Warlords of the Val Sea but as time goes on, it's becoming more acceptable. <br />Being captured by a Human pirate is the worst nightmare of many Elven noblewomen. Most Humans of the South believe that breeding with other races is permissible, (if somewhat distasteful) so long as the Human doesn't become attached or form a lasting relationship with a member of an "Inferior" race or begin to lust after other races over Humans. A few Human deviants believe that interspecies breeding should be encouraged but they are an incredibly small minority. <br />Many Humans view this custom as degenerate and blasphemous in the eyes of the Valkery, but they tolerate it because most of the Men who adhere to the custom are important to Human society. Though not everyone accepts this behavior of those pirates. More orthodox followers of Valkery refuse such pirates entry into ports or villages, while zealot warriors or greedy for spoils can even launch "crusade" against "hedonistic scum who left light of the Goddess and were seduced by elven sorceress"<br />
*'''Northern Cult of City of Bones''': Deep on the north, surrounded by traps and hidden from plain view, lies most sacred place for all northern tribes - City of Bones, where all souls come to rest. It's not really cities, but a very several burial mounds and bone pits placed near each other, surrounding a temple made of Winged Goddes, made entirely from bones. Around that temple rised bone pits, burial mounds, tombs and shrines of many clans and tribes. It's a sacred ground, where spilling blood and killing a humans are strictly forbidden. <br />Once in year, this place is full of pyres and feasting humans - they all honoring their ancestors and the Winged Goddess. It's a tradition to add a bone of Hero or prominent chieftain into a Temple, expanding it power. Their Southern brothers view this cult a little heretical and rather impractical and so won't indulge such silliness, going to the Cathedral instead.<br />
*'''The Grave lords''': Graves Lords were several very close to each other clans on the East coast of Wastes who were followers of City of Bones until one day they refused to follow laws of Valkery. <br />This rebellion against goddess they followed with plundering of the graves for the bones and donning them on over their armor. For this act they got their name but they were quickly squashed by union of angered clans and driven out of Northern Wastes to live on frozen islands in Ocean of Tahalaca. <br />These outcasts proclaim they worship a '''God of Death,''' unknown god by anyone outside of their clans and to this day not one captured clansmen has told anything about their god beside the fact that ''he gave them power no human ever had''. What is known though that they practice eating in moderation Trolls or Dwarven flesh captured in their raids. Dark powers and insanity they gain from it are even scarier since everything about them after rebellion is just frightening rumors.<br />
*'''Cult of Mother Toren''': Completely heretical, Defenders of Toren volcano venerate her as the Mother of all Life instead of mother Valkery, who they completely ignore.<br />
*'''Cult of the River of Death''': Few primitive human tribes worship the north-flowing River of Death, saying that it carries the souls of the dead. Their relationship with the City of Bones is not known.<br />
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==== Baseless Rumors ====<br />
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Not everyone in the human lands have read the thousands of books about the world, so many humans of different parts of the Northern Wastes hold these stories as truth:<br />
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Lemon Keep Lords actually are elves, so inbred with humans so they looks like humans! I swear, their ears are longer than other humans!<br />
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Don't drink the lemonade - it's laced with mind control drugs. To protect yourself from it, add a licorice. <br />
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They say deep in North lies a tribe who learned secret how to make a Star Steel, from real stars, stolen from the sky! It can cleave a stone in half with ease and sings when swinging. <br />
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Bone Lords are coming. They rising our ancestors against us so they can rule whole world. <br />
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Pirates are up to something. I swear, more and more ships sails into Storm Ocean. And why they buying a live rhinos? It's not like they gonna milk them...<br />
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They say there was ancient race, who created every races. Doblings, I think. So these Doblins, in fact, was Humans! I don't lie, an ancestors told me these when I drinked a mushroom potion!<br />
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There is ancient ruins on South, somewhere in the mountains. It's full of strange things<br />
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Dwarves are making a self-driving wagon cart. With no magic at all!<br />
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Elven wine can turn you into a elf if you drinks it too much. True story!<br />
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A ghost roams on eastern coast, looking for a passage into a Forsaken Isle. He claims his name is Riley. <br />
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Elks numbers are dwindling, so some tribes are really desperate for food. Look closely to jerky you trade with tribes - some are made from beast much more common than elk and woolly rhinos. <br />
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Some people say you can navigate yourself looking at the stars. If you follow a Goddess Light in a darkest night, you can find a way everywhere you want to go. And I mean everywhere. <br />
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Lesians sure friendly, but what they are up to? Are they using us against elves? Testing us? Or their intentions are far more sinister?<br />
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When a babies cries for a first time in their life, they remember lives of our ancestors, long before dwarfs driven us out. They remember this and cries for our fate. <br />
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They say some Dwarves are not dwarves at all! Someone called them Halfmins, and dwarves drives them out from their homes, just like us! We must band together with them against dwarves!<br />
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They say there is an Elven tribe lives in our lands. Vicious and cunning bastards they are.<br />
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=== Elves ===<br />
Peaceful farmers and winemakers with rapidly changing culture and fashions. The numerous Elvish Principalities have been allies with Dwarves since the War of Human Exodus.<br />
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Elves often participate in magical rites at important points in their life that involves the manipulation of their own life causing them to live for centuries. Particular old elves deviate from the normal body shape [[Tzeentch|significantly]]; their flesh twisted to extend their lives beyond which nature ordained. Still usually quite pleasant chaps though.<br />
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Elvish principalities all vary in military power of how rich they arm their soldiers, but still follow ''the rule of second son'', were they conscript second oldest son of the family when he's old enough. There they are trained with sword and bow for a year, after that they are given choice out of three: to remain in military, go back to home or join "lords freeman", a band of soldiers under one commander that are free to move around Kulmorost and do mercenary jobs, most of the pay return back to lord.<br />
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As per usual soldiers are armed with bone swords and wooden bows & arrows, leather armor finished with dyed cloth of plant or animal threads principality grows or buys. Renowned archers are given runed bone bows, while the higher in hierarchy you go the more enchanted troll or human they wear yet elegantly made.<br />
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Smoking is a favorite Elvish past time, initially only becoming popular within the last 200 years. For centuries prior, the different tribes of Men had consumed psychedelic substances and herbs through the pipe. It was only through the introduction of Tobacco, brought by Lesian invaders, that the Elven people developed an insatiable appetite for the plant. It is not uncommon for all socio-economic classes to consume Tobacco, from the lowest serve smoking a cigarette to a highborn nursing a jade pipe.<br />
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Elven society also knows for several short-lived, but strange fads - from ''"everybody wears wigs and fake beards"'' to ''"bestiality (humans included) is A-ok!"''. This gets noble elves sometimes not really deserved reputations of being depraved fucks with short attention span.<br />
Current fad is troll skin clothes, including underwear. Especially underwear with troll faces on it. Some noble family spender a fortune on full set of Night Troll skin suit, dress and frilly undergarments.<br />
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The Elves ''might'' have been the members of the goblin race of old times, yet current era elves will not tolerate such insults.<br />
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==== Important Elvish Cities ====<br />
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*'''UR''': The de-facto unofficial capital of the Principalities. It also know to elves as '''"Place of Negotiations"''' '''"City of Deals"''' and a '''"Good place to buy a fine cheese"'''. It is a relatively new, but already one of the biggest city in all Principalities. It began his history as a main camp in a Human Exodus War, where Dwarves and Elves met first, then it became a fort, and lastly a city. It's not sporting a rich and ancient histories as other big Elven cities, but it's trading center of all Principalities, holding a claim being an unofficial capital of all Elves cities. <br />UR is famous for its magic markets, where you can buy all kinda of items, from mundane to rare.In less reputable parts of UR you can stumble to a slaves and a "cattle" markets, where mages can buy a material for an enchantments and a cheap labour. Those markets sells all kinds of "cattle" - from disgraced Dwarf to a rare Humans or even a Lesian (they are poor workforce, but their nerve and blood system are good magic conductors) <br />
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*'''Treyach''': is located on banks of two rivers that combine into the Largest River on Elvish lands, three river banks form this city and three Princess control those banks. Each prince despises other two for way they govern and will never want to have anything in common with them, unless it's common enemy from outside that threatens all three in equal, then they forge a very short peace before threat is gone and they can return to wrestling over the city. <br /> Long time ago ancestors of each prince build own city on their own side and each of them didn't want for another to out do him or leave this place. Each time one of the cities gained more power two other united to cut it down, so it was for all time. As of today it has turned into one big metropolis. <br /> Treyach is booming with abundance of work, you can peacefully live your whole life here, not knowing what happens behind curtains or be unlucky enough to walk into stand off between soldiers of two principalities that ends bloody for all. <br />
**Northen bank is controlled by '''Yomen''' clan, with banner of flower on green field, they are the most elf-centric and take biggest pride in what elves can do. They mastered art of wine making, having biggest brewery in all land, rumors say that they lerned how to mix life essence of "lesser races" into wine, which not only enhances taste but also makes you feel more alive, beside that woodcrafting, wax making, honey and biggest market of plants in city.<br />
**On the East bank rules '''Kento''' clan, with banner of a gauntlet striking down on red font, they seek to utilise lesser races for own gain. Being most welcoming orcs flock to this clan for glory and pay, this gives Kento muscles to throw around. So they profit from managing docks and shipwright along with slave trade, disregarding how many orcs will die on work, anyway their body will be sold to Yomens. Thougher orcs are taught how to fight properly and serve as mercenaries and ship crew, they are constantly sent into open sea to search for new wonder and trade. Beside that Kento prosper on kettle, and trade of exotic beasts. <br />
**On west bank we have '''Arak''' clan, with their banner of two crossed hands before a rising sun, being most fond of dwarves they have many dwarvish masters from UAC work on bone trinkets and book writers, with elvish tongue and dwarvish carvings they created most advanced bone and leather musical instruments, as their orchestras perform on every important event in all Elf or Dwarf cities,while those in training perform on every corner of this city. Weaving, leather working and paper are also important for this clan, while their paper light are illuminating whole city during the night. They also train deadly assassins that are masters of subtlety, stealth and precise strikes. With abundance of targets in this city and Goblinoid-dwarves just just for change they hone their skills, engraved bone-stars are their favourite weapon though very costly to make, which makes them only users of such weapon.<br />
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==== Elvish Religion ====<br />
Elvish religion is based around the concept that their own '''Society''' is in fact their creator spirit, and by making their cities and towns and roads are in fact "recreating" the body of their god. This is one of the reasons they treat their criminals so harshly as not only is the offender a criminal, but a heretic against their god.<br />
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Worship of this god comes in the from of civic duty, doing your job and doing it well, and doing things "for the good of everyone".<br />
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They believe that the dwarves have their own society/god, and due to their close alliance, that their society gods are close friends/lovers or siblings (or both). They do not believe the humans have a society god however, which is one of the reasons they think they have such a barbaric way of life.<br />
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==== Elven Cults====<br />
*'''Candle Cult''': Elves who gain power by burning the bones of the dead. Live in the of City of Candles and are known to be accepting of other races as long as they are nonviolent.<br />
*'''Drow, the Lost Elves''': The black or gray skinned Elven outcasts that have abandoned the Elvish religion to become nomads in the southern desert. Drow means "Lost" in the Elvish language. Drow aren't any more evil than normal Elves, but they prefer to keep to themselves, are quite mysterious and are known to have mastered fire magic<br />
*'''Cult of Good Neighborhood''': Believe that the Elven Society God is easily polluted with impure thoughts, drugs and alcohol abuse and other improper things. They believe if everything is proper and good, then whole world is gonna be a better place. <br />While it's not unusual, The Cult a list of polluting things are long and VERY strict list. This list includes are colors and clothes you have to wear on everyday, forbidding drinking wine, what kind of meal you must eat on special occasions, specific length of hair for females and even replacement words you have to ask ("Darn" to "Damn" "Gosh" to "Shit" "Beasts" to "Humans"). If you break a rule from this list, punishments are severe and unforgiving. <br /> It is not a very popular Cult, but cities where it's dominated usually blessed with very good harvests, good weather and generally, much prospering lands.<br />
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==== Baseless Rumors ====<br />
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Elves are on the crossroads for all races to come, trolls, lesians, humans, orcs and dwarves all come here and it's only natural for common folk to create stories about them:<br />
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Lesians actually are giant birds and capable of flying. They hide their magnificent wings pretty well. <br />
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A Good Neighborhood cult are expanding more and more aggressively. Sooner or later they will go on a bloody crusade against us.<br />
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All Gnomes are males and all Halflings are females. Once in a year they coming together into a MASSIVE orgy. <br />
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I hear some human tribes want to parley with us. We will not let these barbarians into our lands, doesn't we?<br />
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Slaves are sooo dull and common. A animated servant, on other hand...<br />
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If you make a staff from Elder Tree, it will hold his personality and magic, making him practically immortal. <br />
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Drows are up to something. More and more of their tribes coming to the North, carrying bags of seeds. It's a frozen wasteland, why they bring there seeds?!?<br />
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Lesians and Humans are uniting against us. But their true target? Laffu. <br />
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Cave Troll stomach can cure almost everything. It must be fresh, though. <br />
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For best harvests, let your fields be soiled by virgin maiden. <br />
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For a cup of fresh blood, a dwarf in Ur can make you a protective amulet against sunlight. No more tan ever! <br />
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Halflings alchemists seeks a secret of our wines. Don't let them drink it!<br />
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Gnomes are from the future. They saw something there and traveled back in time, preparing. <br />
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Wanna know why drows are lost? Because their Society God was killed. You see, you can kill it and so Drows seeks a way to reanimate it. <br />
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Did you heard about a pregnant statue? It gave a birth of healthy elf girl!<br />
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All inks are made from blood. Especially powdered ones. <br />
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Babies found in cabbages? A kid's tale. But a pumpkin, on other hand...<br />
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All Orcs looks are same. It's because they ARE one man.<br />
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Dwarves wanna invade us, that's for sure. You know what stops them? Ur. Layout of this city is a gigantic ritual which keeps dwarves in check. <br />
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Trolls are closing in. And they want trade with us. <br />
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Kobolds eggs are best for a frying. Just add lemon juice.<br />
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=== Dwarves ===<br />
Dwarves are the most intellectually advanced race and are quite good at magic, especially enchantments. <br />
They highly value skilled jobs and education and the social status of a dwarf is mainly dependent on how much educated he is.<br />
Low skilled workers and farmers are the lower classes, semi-skilled are middle class and upper classes are highly skilled and scholars<br />
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The dwarf government is a Republic supervised by a religious council.<br />
There is one elected Consul, 55 Senators, a representative of the lower and middle classes with a limited veto right, and a five representatives of the official cult of the Maker with a greater veto right. <br />
The religious council also has a lot of influence and is independent of the Senate for all religious matters.<br />
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Dwarves still call themselves Kingdoms although their kings (and the ceremonial '''Overking''') have been mostly just figureheads after the UAC Heresy, when King Ronnac of House Morfir actually ''sided'' with the heretics. Afterwards no King has been given total power.<br />
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Been allies with Elves since the War of Human Exodus.<br />
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The Dwarvish calendar is solar based and composed of 19 months, each with 19 days and 4 or 5 intercalary days (depending on the year) inserted between the 18th and 19th months.<br />
Intercalation was once a practice forbidden by the Cult, but the old calendar had to be recalibrated and changed to include it after centuries of use.<br />
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The Dwarves are also kind of history-altering, hypocritical, self important dicks. They just see themselves as the greatest civilization of all time, created from the essence of the true creator while other races are like animals and MAYBE get reincarnated forever in the lowest world, and even this is a very liberal belief. The orthodox cult thinks the poor are sinful because they are really not up to the standards of what it means to be a dwarf as they are individually almost useless to the dwarvish civilization and the Cult often refuses to inhume them, and many cities use their corpses for enchantments instead, something seen in a positive light by the general opinion as at least they are really helping to complete the Task in death, if not in life.<br />
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==== Important Dwarven Kingdom-Republics ====<br />
Dwarves always write their cities with CAPITAL LETTERS.<br />
*'''GRON''': Former seat of the ceremonial Overking (now the Kinghood changes between republics) Gron is known for its massively prestigous universities of Gon and Ron.<br />It is otherwise rather poorly defended and mostly famous because of being in the crossroads of the Gold Vein and few major other roads that exist among the Republics.<br />
*'''The KAM peninsula''': (associated enough with the Dol Kam Kingdom to simply be named after it) is known for it's vast meadows with a very unique flora. <br />Most of the farming of the Dwarven Unions is done here, with a heavy focus on livestock production. It is also the main source of woods, plants and other organic materials. Fishers on the coast are also a great source of food and aquatic products. <br />The culture of the region is insular with an unusual rural and agricultural nature for most Dwarves. The nobility is strong with more than 40% of the population being serfs but free farmers are generaly seen as an skilled and respectable class here.<br />The Kam peninsula has always been peaceful as involving the region during the conflicts between the Dwarven Unions is a great political taboo, as it would cause a severe famine in all the Unions.<br />
*'''ZLUMBEN''': A small city of average wealth but highly praised by the dwarven academicians for its university and philosophers. <br />Religious authorities virtually don't hold any authority here and so philosophical developements are unhindered by the Cult of the Maker and is barely impacted by politics because of its relative isolation from the political centers. This is the reason why many intellectuals and philosophers migrate here, giving to the city and physicalist school a surprisingly strong intellectual influence on the Dwarven Unions. <br />
*'''QUEN''': A small port city on the North of Dwarven Unions controlled by generations of QUEN family with not very profitable mines several miles from it that yield high amount of iron that they have no use for. This ore they dug is later throw out into the Tahalacas Ocean. Beside stone mined the city also started their own Troll hunting after hearing of MUN success.<br />
*'''VALK''': Also called Valkenburg, this dwarven town on the The Gold Vein between COL and UR, VALK is known for its universities specializing in elven studies and their large printing presses trough which majority of translated elvish material is printed. <br />A place of ancient history: VALK is built on old Human ruins (Valkenburg was its Haumic name which even today still sometimes pops up) and was one of the first cities razed by the Dwarf-Elf Alliance: the stones of Castle Valkenburg were later used in building the Citadel of NOS. <br /> Nowadays, VALK is in the gripes of a particularly strict part of the orthodox Cult of the Maker. They are often using the printing presses to publish material opposing the goblinoid and UAC dwarves who neighbor the western elven principalities. Rumors about the Cult influencing the the lectures at the University are nonsense. ''Totally'' not the dwarven Ministry of Truth<br />
*'''HOR ''': The official capital of the UAC Dwarf Cities, although the heresy did not start there. Hor is situated southwest of the Mountains, at the small bay just before the short VIK river.<br />Friendly port for almost everyone, even Lesian traders visit it. The city is surprisingly young for a dwarf one, having been built merely 300 years ago to give Dwarves a port city to the Lesian Channel.<br />The small HOR bay is known for delicious oysters and their pearls, who contain faint magical traces.<br />
*'''BUM''':BUM is a dwarven city among the Gold Vein, between GRON and Drunderburg. <br />Once a full kingdom its significance has been greatly diminished after their King chose the wrong side in UAC heresy. It is noways just a frequent stopping place for wagons of merchants and travelers and few venture inside the walled city. This barony is known among dwarves as a ''"good place to get some warm cheese on your bread before continuing among your travel."''<br />
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==== Dwarven Religion ====<br />
Orthodox dwarves believe in a kind of platonism or benevolent gnosticisme where a creator god, '''the Architect''', created a Demiurge called '''the Maker''' and charged him to subcreate the world under his direction.<br />
Dwarves considered themselves to have been chosen by the Maker and charged by him to multiply and create civilization as the Demiurges within this world.<br />
They believe they will be reincarnated in this world until they accomplish their task, and then will ascend to the Realm of the Architect with the Maker as a reward, while the other races will live forever in this world, but transformed into a terrestial paradise.<br />
There is no dogma about whether or not non-dwarves have an afterlife, the most traditionnalists thinks they cease to exist after while moderates thinks they reincarnate as non-dwarves for all eternity.<br />
Altough this is mostly folklore, most dwarves thinks bad dwarves will have to expiate their sins before being allowed in the Realm of the Architect.<br />
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"Before The Architect there was only void." It has been said that before The Architect the Dwarves worshipped The Void, the destroyer, whose emissaries they believed to be the proto-goblins.<br />
When proto-goblin society began to fall into anarchy the emergent cult of The Architect overtook the worship of The Void, allowing its leaders to take control of dwarvish society and eventually drove its few remaining worshippers underground, along with what little remained of goblin-kind.<br />
<br />
====Dwarven [[Heresy|heresies]]====<br />
*'''Universal Adoration of the Creators''': Major heresy born from the most liberal movements within the Cult of the Maker and the ressentiment of the lower classes towards the classism of the Dwarvish Republic. Differences to orthodox branch:<br />
**All beings are equal in the eyes of the Architect and of the Maker.<br />
**Members can include non-dwarves (all those working as "Demiurges within this world" will ascend to the Realm of the Architect and not only dwarves)<br />
**Dwarves and non-dwarves alike need a time of purification after a bad life before being reincarnated.<br />
**The works of all "Demiurges within this world" are important and not only the greatest, the important is to do as much as you can and those with less opportunities and capacities shouldn't be seen as lesser.<br />
**The Maker already ascended to the Realm of the Architect and both the Maker and the Architect should be directly worshiped. (Unlike the main branch where the work of the Maker is not finished until the one of the dwarves, and the Maker is the only one to directly supervise them)<br />
*'''The Goblinoids''':Small but powerful sect of wizards with both dwarvish, elvish and even halfling members.<br />Vaguely based on the metaphysics of the Cult of the Maker, the Goblinoids upholds magic as the supreme principe in the universe and matter as entirely caused and enslaved by it.<br />Both magic and matter are without consciouness or personhood and there is no gods, life and the intelligents races emerged from natural magical and matter processes.<br />Non-magicals beings are purely material beings and their consciouness ceases after physical death.<br />The consciouness of magical beings persists in magic after death but quickly dissolves within it unless they are powerful enough and initiated to the magical exercices allowing the wizards of the sect to indefinitely retain their consciouness in the magical principle.<br />Just as magic enslaves the matter, the natural order is for the most magically gifted to enslave the less gifted and to treat the unmagicals as the animals they are.<br />And the natural duty of the gifted is to explore the possibilities of magic in their fullest.<br />The Goblins were the noblest race to have walked on this earth, supremaly talented with an unegaled knowledge of magic and only small minds ressent them for the collateral damage infliged on lesser races, for why should giants care about ants they are on the greatest quest ?<br />Yet they failed, but failure is not unavoidable and that's why we should take example on them, both to emulate their greatness, and for not repeating their errors.<br />The sect of the Goblinoids don't care about race but only magical, the hierarchy is divided by layers of initiation but the more talented you are, the more you can go up.<br />They are very interrested by magical knowledge, ancient goblin artifacts and wisdom, and ways to make them more magically powerful.<br />
*'''Physicalist School''': The physicalist school of thought believes everything is physical phenomena. They don't believe everything is material as magic and maybe minds are immaterial but they think both material and immaterial things are physics and part of this world. They reject any notion of spiritual reality, don't believe in worlds outside this world and highly value empiricism and non-theological philosophy. <br />They ''do not believe'' in the Maker, the Architect and other gods and are generaly skeptical of religion even if they don't reject reincarnation within this world and some spiritual concepts non involving supposed realities outside of this world and think they could be misinterpreted actual magical phenomena.<br /> The only "stronghold" of the Physicalist School is Zlunben near the eastern shore, a small city of average wealth but highly praised by the dwarven academicians for its university and philosophers.<br />
*'''Astrology''':Despite not being endorsed by the Cult of the Maker (but far to be considered an heresy), many dwarves believe in a form of astrology : Dwarves are under the influence of the constellatation associated with the month they are born in.<br />
*'''Quen family''': they hold small port city on the North of Dwarven Unions with not very profitable mines several miles from it that yield high amount of iron that they have no use for. This ore they dug is later throw out into the Tahalacas Ocean. Beside stone mined the city also started their own Troll hunting after hearing of MUN success. Parties of hardened sailors leave the port with abundance of food as said in guidline for "Troll hunting for dwarves" on ships and after week return with more dead trolls than same number of elves could hunt in twice the time, another victory for dwarves! This hunting also is much, much safer than those MUN teams, as almost all the time dwarves with no loses.What is not known for anyone but ruling family and sailors that go hunting is that they haven't killed single troll in years. Under cover of night they fill ships with food and iron ore and sail to place known as "Smugglers cove" an island close to shores of Trolls, there they trade their food and ore with human mercenaries for troll remains they hunted. This is such a huge secret as most of the time weapon smithed from ore turns back on other dwarves, and most of the hunting casualties are men who are deemed to be untrustworthy and sent to sleep with the wishes lest they tell someone else about this deal<br />
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*'''The Alchemical Botanists''': These mages from the Dol Kam Kingdom are known for their flora-based magic.<br />Strangely enough, most of the flowers and plants they use are not magical in nature, something that puzzles most outsider mages.<br />The truth is that they use plants-based potons as an extremely subtle medium for spellcasting instead of movements or incantations.<br />Mastering this art takes decades but allow the Alchemical Botanists to cast extremely precise spells.<br />Many of their imitators instead believe the potions themselves are magical, and the Alchemical Botanists are glad to pretend is it indeed the case as a form of red herring.<br />They are somewhat considered as druids in the Kingdom and they are deeply involved with the royal family.<br />Religiously, altough they recognize the authority of the Cult of the Maker, they believe their tradition is a secret knowledge and perspective about the natural allowing them to have some glimpses of the plan of the Architect, justifying how they can use nature as a medium for changing the world.<br />
<br />
==== Baseless Rumors ====<br />
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Not every dwarf is highly educated, so many of them hold stories heard at the pub as truth:<br />
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They say some dwarves are trading with humans, on regular basis. <br />
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Trolls are moving closer to our land each year. Is something drives them out from their lands? Or it's invasion?<br />
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You know why we didn't killed all humans in Human Exodus war? Because we maked a deal with them. <br />
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They say necromancers found a way to make a spitits from rocks. Crazy, huh?<br />
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Gnomes are preparing for a war - but against who? Can we trust them so they don't invade our lands?<br />
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For every "for the good of the realm!" spoken from leaders, a ten dwarves dies. These words are sacrifice to something sinister, I say!<br />
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There is secret ingredient Elves keep us from making a cheese with infinite lifespan. We must kill them all steal these secret for us!<br />
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Orcs are actually evolved Goblins. Trust me. <br />
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Humans? Bah, they all dead. Nothing can live on a North, really. It's a trolls wearing a human skin <br />
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Elves are sure crazy. One day I traveled to one of their city and I saw how their buildings are MOVING, with legs and all. Why? Because they wanna find a spot "just right". <br />
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You wanna marry Elf? Didn't you know they all are male only race? Their females are animated dolls. <br />
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All Roads lead to Ur. One way on another, everyone in civilized world was in Ur. <br />
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UAC dwarves and their ideas! What next - Maker was not a God?! Architect are fake?!?<br />
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Government actually not destroy Goblins artifacts - they a selling them to someone else for gifts. What gifts? Who knows. <br />
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When you see a sober Halfling, kick him - it's a shapeshifter!<br />
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Orcs wanna steal our jobs and secrets! We must build a wall against them! And orcs must build it for us!<br />
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Don't eat cheese with elves - your beard will fall out. <br />
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Dip your fingers into a special ink, and you will see a many,many secrets. Books are holding such power because they ARE magical. All of them, even most worthless ones. <br />
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Dogs was bred from humans. Or it's humans was made from dogs? <br />
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Most delicious soup is made from hardened cheese, a soft cheese, herbs, breadcrumbs and a single Lesian tear.<br />
<br />
=== Lesians ===<br />
Alpha predator reptiles from the Western isles.<br />
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Their language is almost incomprehensible to other races, as it depends on hissing, beak clacking, and cawing in a rapid pace syllabyllic dialect. Lesia is a rough translation of L'hs'iy'ah. Very few Lesians have the mental capacity to learn other languages, and those that do see little reason to communicate with the other strange and fragile races.<br />
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Their society is gathered into several dozen anarchic tribes, each composed of several dozen clans, each composed of several dozen mating pairs and their offspring. Due to their predatory, competitive nature, Lesian tribes and clans often fight over resources and familial disputes. To a Lesian, his clan and tribe are sacred, mates are less revered because they change seasonally.<br />
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When the Lesians evolved sapience, they drove the Blood Orcs from their homeland in a long, and bloody war. <br />
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*'''The Everliving Queen''':Rumour has it that on the westernmost island, a Lesian who forsook the sun has delved into necromancy. They say that she has many undead followers now, each put to work to build a mighty fortress for her. The other Lesians despise her, if the rumours are true. It has been said that she found an old artefact, a font that when touched, returns her to her youth. What does this mean for the other nations? Is this necromancer a threat? Who knows....<br />
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==== Lesian Clans ====<br />
*'''The Illakara clan''': They are somewhat split from the rest of the Lesians as they do not follow the same church. They worship the god Erreko instead of the demigod Kallasaak. For this they are shunned. They are believed to be the origin of the black lesians, as they have the most specialist forces that act the way they were described as doing. Besides this, they are not trusted by the other Lesians.<br />
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*'''The Krannick clan''': providers of food to the Lesian war machine, they are known best for their hunters and foragers, and their location just next to a particularly bountiful section of the Lesian jungle. There is growing tensions between the Krannick and Illakara clans.<br />
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*'''The Kallanashi clan''': This clan is known as the divine clan, as old stories tell that this is the resting place of the prophet Rionus. They say he built this city with the magic of Kallasaak, as proof to the unbelievers gathered of her majesty. At the center of the city's maw lies a flower that has branches of bone, leaves like shedskin, and meaty fruit that seem to almost drip from the bone-branches. They are believed by many, to truly be meat, and if eaten, grow back in a day. These fruits alone could nourish the city itself, if they were not guarded so jealously by the church. The Equa visits this city in pilgrimage every year on the longest day of summer (when Rionus supposedly died), to pay respects. Most Lesians will visit this holy city at least once in their lifetimes.<br />
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*'''The Lakash clan''': This clan is known for being sneaky and almost desperate in their will to survive. They call a land full of goblin ruins in an island off the coast of the mainland home. There is risk of outright conflict between the Lakash and the Kallanashi clans, due to the Lakash clans alliance with a human tribe living on a nearby island. Only the intervetion of the Equa has prevented war between the clans. Besides this, the Lakash clan is known for espionage and naval warfare due to having ships on par with some human designs, due to the human tribe they are allied with being particularly naval-based, a splinter group of the human pirate faction (I forget the name). That being said, the Lakash jealously guard the designs for their ships, and so they do not exist in great numbers, and the majority of Lesian ships are simple, druidically grown vessels. (Somebody else can develop ideas for that human tribe if they like, I'm more about dem Lesians).<br />
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*'''The Nilass clan''': They are the most militant and one of the most populous of the clans, and provide most of the fighting force for Lesia. They have the most harbours and ships, and have great support from other clans, being indispensable as an ally, and dangerous as an enemy. They have great gladiatorial arenas, and it is outright encouraged to settle disputes with violence, in order to make their people stronger. It is due to this clans efforts that elven scouts are hastily reporting home with stories of terrifying, vicious, warlike raptors preparing for an invasion.<br />
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*'''The Zejji clan''': This clan has governance over much of the Lesian savanna, considered a holy place by many due to the natural heat in the area (good for reptiles). The clan breeds more lesians every year than all of the other clans combined. They have a strong alliance with the Nilass clan, and many families send off their children every season to Nilass city to help build an army. The families running both clans have been fast friends since time immemorial, since the families originally worked together to drive out the orcs (tell me if I got any lore wrong there, I'm sure the orcs were on Lesia at some point).<br />
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*'''The Iqunn clan''': The Iqunn clan are only involved in the church reluctantly, and had to be forced into it. They were originally worshippers of the seas and moons, and believed that when you died your spirit sailed across the sea until it met the horizon, and then swam through the stars to the moons, where they would spend eternity in whichever moon they reached (one equivalent hell and heaven). There was a war against them, waged by the Zejji and Nilass clans, and they lost and renounced their faith, and joined the church of Kallasaak.<br />
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*'''The Yixxa clan''':The Yixxa are fierce warriors and recently allied themselves with the Iquun clan. They are strong believers in the church, but also are the most accepting of outsiders and those who believe differently. They wear animal skins, and are seen as unusual by other lesians, for crafting obsidian weapons (instead of rip and tearing with claws and maws) for hunting and fighting. They are surprisingly good with their obsidian axes and are good at guerilla warfare.<br />
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*'''The Lexxa clan''': Old allies of the Yixxa clan, these two clans have been allies since time immemorial, for a reason they don't share with others. Strangely, the Lexxa clan is oddly secretive and private to any other clans besides Yixxa, and after dusk, outsiders must leave, and are not allowed in until dawn. They are powerful mages, strong with light and nature magic. Their secret? Every month, they have to fight off an assault from the water itself. Intelligent foes called the '''Gualli''' come to the surface from deep sea trenches every night and attempt to lure weak-willed lesians to the waters edge and drag them to the depths for some unknown purpose. The Lexxa fight off this assault whenever possible, often with help from the Yixxa.<br />
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==== Lesian Religion ====<br />
Lesians believe that a god with the head of a frilled lizard, the limbs of a monkey and the body of a snake regurgitated the world as an egg. They say he holds a staff that contains the sun at its tip.<br />
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They believe that he then regurgitated the moons, and then, a much smaller egg that became the first dragon, serpentine and wingless. They say this dragon was the daughter of the god '''Erreko''', and that she was the demi-god of rebirth and reincarnation. It is believed that she spawned the rest of the dragons, who then shaped the world with their fire and claws. They believe that the Lesians themselves were the result of Erreko's first breath upon the world, that the divinity of his breath turned mere rocks into the first Lesian egg clutches.<br />
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The Lesians worship Erreko devoutly, but a lot of their practices originate from beliefs regarding '''Kallasaak''', the demigod dragon. They eat the hearts of the dead, believing that if they are not eaten, they cannot come back in the next life, as their heart and therefore their soul and spirit, has not been given back to the world. Minor funerals are held for the dead, so long as this takes place, and it is not as much as a sad occasion as it is for other races, as they thoroughly believe it is not the end.<br />
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However, when a Lesian dies in such a way that their heart cannot be consumed, there is a great funeral, and all who ever met the individual usually show to pay respects, and it is a tremendously tragic, and sorrowful time. Even those who had not known them well tend to express a sorrow that is greater than that displayed at the funerals for other races, for they truly believe that the Lesian has gone forever, their soul permanently destroyed.<br />
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The Lesians have a female 'pope' equivelant, the proper title Equa, from the lesian ihk'oo'ah, where the 'ihk' is more of a bird-like click that often resembles an 'E' sound. The Equa is considered the reincarnation of Kallasaak (who is always female), the reincarnation dragon demi-god worshipped by the lesians. Every new Equa is chosen from a female hatched during the moment when the previous one dies. Due to this, when the Equa is dying they are often brought to the egg chambers to die. During the time where the new Equa is growing still, their world is ruled by the priesthood of Tel-lakki, the 'church' of Erreko, who will raise the young female until she is ready to rule.<br />
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The current Equa is a 6 year old lesian (just one year away from being considered an adult, as Lesians only typically live to 30, and grow to maturity fast, and have an obscenely long prime, where they tend to just die afterwards). She is currently still being raised by the Tel-lakki, but has a lot of involvement in any decisions being made at this point, and holds a lot of sway and favour with the church of the sun. She is devout to a fault, she is fierce and she is warlike. However, she refuses to ignore the strength of any individual, lesian or no, and is currently in the midst of a scandal, as she has invited the daughter of a human warlord (from a tribe that settled on the north coast of Lesia and 'have an understanding' with the lesians) to join the Tel-lakki to serve as her as her war advisor. This has understandably split the opinions of the Sharrila priests (the high court of the Tel-lakki), and this division is the reason that the planned invasion into elven lands has been temporarily put on hiatus.<br />
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=== Goblins (Nickname, Real name unknown) ===<br />
[[File:Kulmorost_Map_v8_Ancient.png|thumb|frame|Map of the world before the Goblins fucked it. Note: based on earlier world map, coasts really simple!]]<br />
They were once once mighty race that, from over use of magic, have deformed into loathsome, hunchbacked [[Chaos_Spawn|monsters]].<br />
They were once on par with the elves and dwarves in their cities and agricultural projects. (They in fact resembled elves in almost every way and are speculated to have been elves once). But they in their might they became greedy for power and were constantly casting rituals to increase their might; whether in physical strength or in willpower or in durability, and whenever they increased in strength they captured more land for none were quite as strong or clever. But this over use of ritualistic and primal magic became almost like an addiction. And the more they used it the more they hated themselves and the more power they wanted.<br />
Eventually it got to such a point that they seemed to have overloaded and could not cast even the simplest of spells that should only take a child to comprehend. Seeing their chance the mighty Dwarves beat back their oppressors who were now reaped of all their powers and were now weak in comparison to all others. The Dwarves with the aid of a few Elvish princes destroyed their cities and forced them underground. There they hid, hating all who use magic for it reminds them of their former glory.<br />
Ancient records are sketchy so no-one really knows their real name. Perhaps the records were destroyed as a mockery or even a curse towards them. But today they are known by the Dwarves as Ztunzka by the Elves Yrglin and by the rest of the world as Goblins.<br />
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At the pinnacle of their reign the Goblins created many monsters, particularly the Crude Dragons. Most creatures that appear to be mixtures of several different animals can usually be attributed to the Goblins (e.g. Chimaera, Manticore, Gruphon, Sharks with legs). They also created The Halflings.<br />
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==== Goblin Religion ====<br />
There is little evidence of any kind of organised religion among the Goblins, to them it seemed magic and power in the material world is all one should strive for. Instead of believing they were shaped in the image of a great god, they instead attempted to shape a great god in theirs and bend it to their will.<br />
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<br />
=== Orcs ===<br />
Orcs are an oddity among the magical races as they are utterly unable to canalize magic on their own but are devoted priests and have a strong affinity for the spirits of their ancestors.<br />
Most of them live in the less populated regions of the south and have migrated in these regions well after the War of Human Exodus.<br />
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They tend to be physically stronger than humans but are generaly less resilient and very risk averse.<br />
They are already adult at 12 but are already old near 40, and die quickly after 60.<br />
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Orcs would generally be glad to be accepted into any society, usually as a hired hand or merc. Although some orcs would prefer to remain solitary and act as bandits (much like the humans do). Many of them try to integrate (and very willingly, almost disturbingly, assimilate within) elven or dwarve communauties, with varying degree of success but always with enthusiasm. <br />
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==== Orc Customs ====<br />
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Common Orcish society is divied into three broad groups, nomadic Orcs, settled Orcs, and Orcs that have integrated into Non-Orc society. Blood Orc society is made up of scattered nomadic bands of pirates, raiders, and bandits.<br />
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Nomadic Orcs typically live in close-knit familial groups of 20-30, led by a council of elders, or the most powerful tribal priest, or the strongest chieftain. Due to their ancestor worship, the older an Orc is, the more respected they are by the younger Orcs, and in tribes that are ruled by a chieftain, or tribal priest, they almost always take, or at least listen to the advice of the oldest Orcs in the tribe.<br />
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Orc Tribes would rather avoid a threat than waste lives and time trying to eliminate it, unless they have no choice, in which case they will do everything in their power to destroy that threat. In the event that a Tribe faces a threat to dangerous for it to defeat on its own, the Tribe will gather several other Tribes to assist them, and unless the Tribe is hated by other Tribes for whatever reason, they usually have no trouble finding aid, as Orcs believe all Orcs are kin, however distant.<br />
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Tribal Orc mating customs vary from Tribe to Tribe, but these are the most common practices.<br />
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*Some Orc Tribes practice a sort of polyamorous marriage, there is no limit to the amount of husbands or wives one may have, but they must come from another Tribe, to prevent incest, which is seen as blasphemous. If an Orc decides that they don't want to be married with their spouse any longer, they tell the Tribal Priest, who tells the ancestors, discontinuing the marriage.<br />
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*Some Orc Tribes don't practice any kind of marriage and sleep with whoever they feel like, whenever it strikes their fancy. These Tribes are extremely welcoming to outsiders, and often meet with other Tribes, to keep their gene pool from getting too shallow.<br />
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A few Orc Tribes practice a kind of eugenics, where only the strongest and most cunning Orcs are allowed to breed, with the idea that the ancestors want their descendants to improve themselves, and that eugenics is the most effective way to please the ancestors. These Tribes are usually smaller than other Tribes, but are made up of hardier Orcs.<br />
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In Orc Tribes led by a male chieftain, it isn't uncommon for them to claim themselves a harem of the Tribes finest Orc females, claiming it is their right, as they lead the Tribe, are first into battle, and are the strongest in the eyes of the ancestors. Most Orcs don't resent this, as any Orc who believes himself to be the strongest can challenge the chieftain to a duel.<br />
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In a duel, the challenger chooses the weapons, and the location of the duel. The two fight in front of the entire Tribe, until one Orc is victorious. The winner of the duel becomes chieftain, and depending on the Tribe, the loser is either killed or banished from the Tribe forever.<br />
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There is no limit to amount of duels a chieftain can fight, but an Orc can only challenge the same chieftain once. Because of these duels, the chieftain is always either the strongest or the most skilled warrior, usually both.<br />
==== Orc Religion ====<br />
Their religion is based on the worship of a few deities revolving around basic elements of their live (Godess of Fertility for both females and agriculture, god of war, god of tribal authority,ect..) but very predominantly the cult of their ancestors.<br />
The inclusion of a poorly understood and bastartized Maker is common among the dwarves wannabes.<br />
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Most of them are organized in groups of agricultural and exogamic clans, ruled by a tribal king elected for life by the chiefs of the clans.<br />
Some of the most advanced tribes are revolving around a small town whose need are provided by the agricultural clans.<br />
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They are matrilienal and patriarchal even if not in a very dominant or rigid way.<br />
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====Orc Clans====<br />
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*'''Blood Orcs''':The Western Orcs were a subspecies of Orcs, known as Blood Orcs for their dark red skin, [[Khorne|bloody]] religious customs, and their extreme hatred of the other races. After Lesians drove them from their homelands they are mostly extinct due to their ritualistic thirst for blood. Now, they're an extremely rare minority, and are scattered across the world. They make an effort to avoid other races when possible, but constantly raid them for Blood, metal, supplies, and to avenge their ancestors. They live in nomadic tribes to avoid being wiped out by other races. Many tribes and individuals work as bandits, pirates, and mercenaries.<br />
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*'''The Ghash clan''':The Ghash orcish clan of the southern waste are known for their heavy militaristic like doctrine keeping peace between the clans. Their main home is a mining town build into the sides of a large ravine. They hold power by trading the Dwarven clans a highly explosive power for their superior Dwarven weapons and tools. They are also infamous for their Thunder Staffs, which are seen by non-Orcs as overly complicated, insane, and suicidal to use and horrifying due to the extreme damage it causes. Almost all non-Orcs want nothing to do with it, and while Humans would probably love to get their hands on it, the Ghash Clan isn't willing to give away the secret of their explosive powder to anyone.<br />
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*'''The Drunder Tribe''':The Drunder Tribe is one of the orcish tribe geographically closest to the Dwarves, more specifically near the region where are the few UAC citied, and are know' for being "Dwarfizer" , orcs that try to mimic as much as possible the Dwarves since they were converted by UAC missionnaries. Their religion is a odd syncretism of the UAC heresy and the orcish religion : Both the Architect and the Maker were given the functions of their old gods as attributes with a tendency for the Maker to have the practical ones and the Architect the more abstract and "civilized" ones (Maker the Midwife, Architect the Scribe, Maker the Warrior, Architect the Ruler,ect...and even a Architect the Architect). They are infamous among other orcs to put their fellow dwarvish UAC believers above pagan orcs.<br />
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*'''The Laffu Clan''': A particularly untrustful nobadic orc clan of jokers and thieves known for their demonic masks. In the past they were actual threat and were defeated by common orcs led by warlord Stukc the Boring. Now ''extinct'', see The Laffu below.<br />
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===Laffu===<br />
[[File:LaffuHead.jpeg|thumb|frame|The Black Earth rises again]]<br />
Originally believed to be a weird clan of trickster orcs known for demonic masks nowdays it has been speculated by dwarven scholars that the Laffu are in fact something far sinister.<br />
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The Laffu have few holds on the Western shores of the Southern Peninsula, just south of the Hive of Dragons. It was here where they were driven by the warlord Stukc the Boring after he ''"did not get their joke with their wedding-present"''.<br />
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It was long believed that the Laffu were almost extinct nomads, but roughly thirty years ago these masked orcs started to build holds on the shores. The more common clans still hated them and a Ghash-led army with a large Blood Orc contingent attacked them - intending to wipe them from the maps. Surprisingly the Laffu repulsed the assault and drove the attackers from their lands.<br />
Their fire-capabilities overpowered the orcs, while survivors often joked that ''"the Laffu were unorcly easy to kill once you got close to them, but darn they were cunning and vicious!"'' The rumors about dying Laffu burning themselves was another amazing fact but believed to be true.<br />
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During the war another insult of the Blood Orcs incurred: The Laffu began (or some say that restarted an old tradition) of making suits of their dead enemies, particularly the Blood Orcs.<br />
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After this '''second Laffu - Orc war''', the Laffu were left alone, nor they much cared about the outside lands. The Laffu Holds are known to be particularly bad trade locations and the Drow tend stay far away from their lands. Yet slavers often find easy market there, as the Laffu buy almost everything.<br />
<br />
Curiously, in recent years Laffu immigrants have been spotted in many other cities of Kulmorost. They speak of being outcasts, having been forced from their homelands due unknown reasons (different individuals state different reasons). There has been some worrying observations: The Laffu have far thinner body structure compared to orcs (or even elves to that matter) almost skeletal body. Their voices, gruttular as any orc has unnatural echoes and an underlying vile tone that frightens anyone who is alone with a Laffu. There is also the terrifying rumor about a Laffu that had died in a bar brawl in Treyarch: the local elves made frightening discovery: Under the red-leather devil mask of the dead Laffu was no orc face, but a hideous black face with real horns.<br />
<br />
In fact, the Laffu are not orcs any more. They are are ''the Children of the Black Dunes''. They killed the old Laffu Orcs and have been masquerading as them ever since. <br />
The Children come from the Black Dunes of the Southern Wastes. Literally: they crawl from the dark sands, fully formed ebony thin half-horned humanoids. ''The Black Earth rises again.''<br />
<br />
In combat, Laffu are fierce and fast. Highly resistant to magic They are especially deadly when equipped with long spears using their incredible speed and power to quickly overcome their foes. However, they are not very resistant physically, and so are easily dispatched with quality steel weaponry. When they die they burst into flames, returning to ash they originate from.<br />
<br />
As they come from the leftover magic from the catalyst the Laffu are an abomination of earth and flesh and magic. In some way a living rock-being, but more than that, the Black Earth is turned into flesh, their skin feels like the other races skin, their blood is still blood but hot like molten rock, their bodies can be destroyed like the other races but they're different. They burst into flames when they die and their bodies turn back to black earth, they're strong and fast but yet still quite fragile. They have strange magic, confined to earth and rock, they can compact sand and earth pulling spears out of seemingly nowhere, but lack magic ability in any other substances including runes and language<br />
<br />
The Laffu are a smart race: masquerading as another race to not draw suspicion, perhaps knowing they'll be hunted, they've had their men traveling all over the continent gaining knowledge and power, they work together, they fight together, they're ancient, pragmatic, they have the blood of the things that the goblins poured into their failed god, humans, Orcs, Dwarves, every beast from the land and The blood and magic power of the Goblins themselves.<br />
<br />
They are an entirely new kind of life, they sort of ARE the Goblin God or the Goblins in new form. Yet they are still few and are new to the world. What they want is unknown but they all belong to one ideology and ''the goals of the entire race are aligned.''<br />
<br />
The Laffu have many vocal cords and speak a guttural deep language made up of many vile and strange sounds. Some of their physiology comes into effect when they speak other languages, giving them an unnatural echo and an almost bull-like tone. <br />
<br />
The Laffu do not really give a shit about what the goals of the other races goals are. The Laffu are just gaining information and forming their own plans and ideas for the world, getting ready for the future, like they know something the others do not. <br />
<br />
There one exception to their uncaring stance: whether knowingly or unknowingly, the Laffu absolutely fucking ''HATE'' the remaining goblins on a subconscious level. Even if they do not know the reason why - they just want to torture the life out slowly out of every singly goblin they meet.<br />
<br />
Apart from a great hatred of the Goblins, they're just indifferent towards the other races, the other races aren't really important in the big picture of things. they're expendable. As such, they are hold the Goblinoids in the same uncaring ignorance like the rest, although they (being perhaps the only ones to do so) realize that the Goblinoid cultists are mere cheap knockoffs of the Real Goblins.<br />
<br />
====Laffu Religion====<br />
It has been said that the Laffu worship gods of life, and have the belief that death is not the end, and are instead obsessed with the idea of the continuation of life, just on the other side.<br />
They worshiped a '''great pantheon of gods''', and as a civilization they were innovative and inventive when it came to technology, and focused on that a little more than magic.<br />
<br />
However, like all the Laffu speak, could be just complete lies. It is not known well what the Children of the Black Earth want from this world or why.<br />
<br />
=== Minor Species ===<br />
<br />
====The Traders of the Mist====<br />
Mysterious heavily clothed merchants that from across the southern ocean to sell strange magical items. No-one ever sees their faces and the stink of fish hangs about their clothes, they speak no known languages and only communicate with hand gestures and body language. Some think they''might'' have given the first humans the gift of Magic a long, long, long time a go. Very few are trust them and most tend to steer away when they come near. But those that do trust them enough to trade are very grateful indeed, for the items they sell are extremely valuable (in usefulness and wealth) to travelers and common folk alike.<br />
<br />
<br />
====Trolls====<br />
Trolls inhabit the mountainous stretch of land connecting the Northern Waste to the rest of Kulmorost and have very large noses. Trolls have more magical ability than humans, but it varies between subspecies. There are four varieties of troll:<br />
<br />
*'''Hill Trolls''': Are the largest, loudest, most brutally unforgiving bastards... If you get on their bad side, they are generally quite peaceful, but are extremely territorial. They are the strongest and largest of all intelligent races, and love to show off their strength by building huge stone houses on the highest point they can find that still has relative easy access. A Hill Troll's territory size is determined by how far they can see from their tower, which results in stronger Hill Trolls attempting to shorten the towers of weaker ones. Hill Trolls imbue magic into the ground around their homes (into the plants actually) to make brambles grow and climb up their towers to ward off intruders.<br />
<br />
*'''Cave Trolls''': The Cave Troll is the creature that most sympathizes with fa/tg/uys; They never go outside (they hate the sunlight) they're overweight and malnourished at the same time (from overabundance of carb-loaded mushrooms). They are considered the least intelligent and are the most likely to attack someone on sight, even when they aren't hungry. They do this out of fear more than anything. They have around the same level of magical ability as Humans but are too stupid to figure out how to use any form of magic.<br />
<br />
*'''River Trolls''': The most intelligent sub-race of trolls, they live (where else) in and around rivers, lakes and creeks. Th gain their superior intelligence from consumption of seafood. River Trolls love to play tricks on other creatures, although the creatures on the receiving end of these pranks ''never'' enjoy this as it usually ends up with a Troll chewing on their leg. River trolls live in dam-like houses (muck like a beaver) built upon a river. This gives them a constant supply of fresh water and fish through their homes. Some River Troll huts strikingly resemble bridges across the water, travelers often attempt to cross this way and fall victim to the River Troll within. River Trolls have small magical ability but are clever enough to use it effectively. They love to toy with travelers, creating floating, glowing wisps made of bone, and invisible pit-traps.<br />
<br />
*'''Night Trolls''': Most races consider Night Trolls to be undoubtedly evil across the board. They eat flesh ([[Rip And Tear|all kinds of flesh.]]) and live most of their lives in solitude away from other species, in caves and abandoned forts and in some cases old wells. And of course, they only hunt at night, making travel through the mountains after night fall a near death sentence. Their dark skin and affinity for black bear hides makes them nearly invisible at night, and since they are thinner and leaner than other trolls, they can pass over stones unheard until they are too close for it to matter. Night Trolls don't hate light, and they are not nocturnal, but they are weaker than other, more territorial Trolls (Hill Trolls in particular) so they hide. They hunt at night, but only around once every three days, other days they sleep in the night.<br />
The magical ability of Night Trolls is surprisingly high compared to the other sub-species (probably because of their flesh fetish). Some believe that there are some Night Trolls who wear the fresh carcasses of slain beasts as camouflage, its effectiveness may be due to some enchantments of the flesh.<br />
<br />
====Halflings====<br />
<br />
The Halflings were originally humans, kidnapped by the goblins as children and bred to be pets (and occasionally snacks) for their goblins overlords, made to be short and dumpy as this was cute to the Goblins. However when the war against the Goblins started they made a horrible discovery :their halfing's inherent magical abilities had grown. some believe this was due to constant exposure to the Goblin's twisted magics, others believe that all souls have a certain amount of magic in them and that in making the Halflings small they concentrated their magical abilities.<br />
<br />
Inevitably the truth matters not. The Halflings, led by Grobal the Butcher (so named as he murdered his Goblin master and constructed staves from its remains) rebelled against their masters and aided the dwarfs in defeating them. In return the dwarfs offered them some few lands to call their own. Some rejected this offer, traveling the world in small caravans or becoming citizens of other nations as opposed to their own sovereign land whilst other accepted the offer graciously.<br />
<br />
Those Halflings who accepted the offer are known as '''Gnomes''' whilst those who rejected it are known as '''Kotarfs''', kot being the dwarvish word for wanderer or traveler, and arf meaning person (Dwarves use simplistic terms and are not very imaginative). To other races the dwarvish word "arf" means "little person" and so is still used appropriately, but they pronounce the plural "Kotarves".<br />
<br />
The reasons behind the Halfling spilt are unknown to most non-halfings. Most assume it had something to do with the quality of the land they were offered (for while it was costal and bordered dwarf lands it also bordered the southern wastes and Halflings relationships with Orcs have always been a little strained), but the reality has less to do with other races and more to do with Halflings themselves. You see, Halflings believe that, at some point or another, a war will be fought - a war that if lost will doom all life but if won will bring freedom to all creatures of the world.<br />
<br />
Kotarves believe this "End-war" was fought and won against the Goblins, so they might as well spend their lives seeking, finding and living in contentment, rather than waste it worrying. Gnomes on the other hand believe either that the war against the Goblins is not over till their are no Goblins left, or that the End-war was not the war that was fought against the Goblins. Either way they spend their time preparing their lands and people for this inevitable war, stockpiling weapons and fortifying their cities, so that they may have a chance of winning<br />
<br />
====Centaurs====<br />
Centaurs are a subrace of humans. Legends say that during the War of Human Exodus Elven and dwarven great scholars cast an experimental curse based on goblin magic on some fleeing that was supposed to erase their legs, instead what ended up happening was that the fleeing humans combined with their beasts. Most centaurs are half horse, while a very rare subset of them are half-donkey. Centaurs are very sought after by other humans due to their great strength.<br />
Centaurs do not reproduce with other kinds of humans as the offspring born of those unions results in monstrosities with random human and horse characteristics.<br />
<br />
Centaurs have no lands of their own, and are an extremely rare minority, both feared and reviled by other races for their unnatural physiology and Human ancestry.<br />
<br />
They are nomadic sheep and goat herders and they herd along a series of routes seasonally. They are known for their skill with the bow and lance, and their reckless, volatile, and rambunctious personalities.<br />
Some Centaur Tribes have abandoned herding entirely, instead, looting caravans and raiding settlements for supplies. Centaurs have magical talent comparable to that of Humans, and they are known for their disdain towards mates.<br />
<br />
Perhaps it is a quirk of their unnatural biology, or an inherent racial ability, but Centaurs are known and feared for their resistance towards magic. Mages who've battled Centaurs claim that their magical attacks had barely half their usual effect, as if the Centaurs wore a layer of pure silver.<br />
<br />
Every few centuries, a powerful figure will unite the disparate Centaur tribes into an unstoppable horde and attempt to conquer the Kulmorost. As the Centaurs are few in number, extremely primitive, anarchic in nature and hard to organize, and unable to use magic in any meaningful capacity, the Centaurs haven't yet succeeded. They have, however, killed many Elves and Dwarves over the ages.<br />
<br />
Centaurs usually aren't allowed in towns, and many more conservative Elf and Dwarf businesses won't serve them, viewing them as savage abominations, barely above the likes of Humans and Goblins.<br />
[[File:Eelkuns.png|thumb|left|Gualli of the depth]]<br />
====Gualli====<br />
It has sleek black skin, a body like an eels, with spindelled legs and arms, wearing robes crafted from flesh. Its mouth had sharp, thin teeth jutting out at angles, and was discovered to be capable of stretching wider than its entire body. It's body too, was discovered to be able to expand many times its own size. The creatures tail emitted bioluminescence prior to its death. <br />
come to the surface from deep sea trenches every night and attempt to lure weak-willed lesians to the waters edge and drag them to the depths for some unknown purpose.<br />
<br />
====Beastmen====<br />
Inhabitants of the Forsaken Isle are varied and deadly tribal folks. Not much is known about them, but it is theorized that they were created long ago by the Ancient Goblins. But this cannot be proven as all traces of the Goblins' personal history and rites was erased.<br />
<br />
====Kobolds====<br />
Prolific Beastmen race that have managed to spread across the Eastern Coasts, (especially the swamps) in large numbers. <br />
<br />
Despite their primitiveness and low intelligence, kobolds have a huge innate magical potential they can instinctively use in very crude yet relatively powerful way.<br />
They mainly hunt and fight among themselves using primitive spells.<br />
Social hierarchy is established with ritual magical combats.<br />
They tend to stand at one-third the height of the average human and breed explosively. as such, they use swarming tactics to overwhelm their enemies.<br />
<br />
Kobolds are carnivorous, and are able and more than willing to consume and subsist off of anything even vaguely meat-like. They can consume bones as well, and many Kobolds find enchanted bones to be extremely delectable. It is for this reason, their extremely low intelligence, prodigious birthrate, and their vandalizing, kleptomaniacal tendencies, that Kobolds are regarded as pests by most civilized peoples.<br />
<br />
====Eld'wani====<br />
Elitists and quite xenophobic bird people with floating islands. Even they admit that they are a dying race and have fled to avoid being killed.<br />
<br />
The Eld'wani don't have wings and their bodies are not aerodynamic enough to do so even if they did, but they are capable of flight. Their species has very little magical aptitude, but they are able to control the winds as if it were second nature. With enough focus, Eld'wani are able to channel their life force into the air around them, and use the resulting push to fling themselves through the air, allowing them to "Fly", at the speed of a sprinting Human with a similar level of exhaustion.<br />
<br />
Their floating islands only able to fly because the monastic Eld'wani Shamans devote their lives to mastering the art of air manipulation, and are able to levitate the island short distances every few weeks, (short meaning the length of a week long voyage with a top of the line enchanted ship with a Sky Whale bone keel,) but render themselves comatose in the process, and need to spend much time meditating to regather their power.<br />
<br />
The Eld'wani live in the Forsaken Isles, and are extremely few in number, having only a few tens of thousands scattered throughout their floating islands. Each of the islands functions as its own Theocratic city-state, with a council of the Shamans leading the city-state. The Eld'wani worship '''the Sky''' and view the Sky Whales as holy and sacred, they believe that the Shamans have a spiritual connection to the Sky, and should be revered.<br />
<br />
The Eld'wani sustain themselves through piracy, raiding other Beastmen, and fishing. They're widely regarded as mythical in Kulmorost as a whole, but rarely individual or small groups are seen as part of a Human/Beastman Pirate crew, where they are a great boon to their mundane comrades, possessing the ability to generate sorely-needed gusts of wind when none are present.<br />
<br />
====Giants====<br />
Ancient species driven to extinction by Goblins. Some say that their survivors (de)evolved into Orcs in Lesia.<br />
<br />
The giants of old were an odd bunch. Rather than use the bones of their dead for magic they used to remove the flesh and dump the bones in certain holy places, along with the bones of many other giants. These "Giant Graveyards" are fiercely sought after by the magical races, as they are more magical than human bones and far stronger.<br />
<br />
Due to the rarity of Giant bone magic objects utilizing it are rare and expensive. Elves have historically the largest supply of giant bones and found the most graveyards in their lands. Some theorize that the reason for this is that their lands are the original homelands of the giants - of course you are going to find a lot of giant bone there. This is merely hearsay and unsubstantiated rumor.<br />
<br />
Over the years the discovery rate of new Graveyards has slowed to a crawl, with the last new grave on the mainland being uncovered 60 years ago and not a single new one has been found since. However, survivors from a small scouting expedition to Lesia have reported finding multiple Graveyards over their very brief stay there. That could be good for business<br />
<br />
== Fauna ==<br />
<br />
===The Brumecaster===<br />
<br />
The Brumecaster (Humanic), also known as the Brumgonor (Dwarvish) and the Valmeirar (Elvish), is a rumoured creature said to live in the sky amongst the clouds. Appearing similar to a enlarged water strider, this creature is believed to have the ability to camouflage itself and to command clouds and the weather they relate to. Some even believe that the Brumecaster exists to control all of the clouds and the winds, potentially all over the world. There have been many sightings of the Brumecaster, often in windy places, which has resulted in many people believing there to be more than one Brumecaster above Kulmorost. Regardless of its existence, many villages have adopted it into their culture, creating many folk legends and children's stories about the Brumecaster, each with differing views regarding the creature.<br />
<br />
===Sky Whales===<br />
<br />
Immensely difficult to hunt due to their habit of 'swimming' in the highest reaches of the sky, as well as innate spellcasting abilities.<br />
Incredibly magical, body parts are equally prized and reviled. Prized due to their suitability to the construction of magical items and reviled due to their place in many religions as sacred.<br />
<br />
Sky Whales are '''intelligent''', that's why their bones are so useful. But no other race has figured out their language and their nomadic wanderings makes them look like nothing more than migrating animals. Their minds are somewhat alien and they make no attempt to communicate with the other races, partly for this reason, and partly because this usually ends with someone recieving new Sky Whales bone weapons. With no mode of communication with non-whales, no visible markers of civilisation, no crafted items, most people assume that the sky whales have no intelligence. But in reality their songs are them singing the history and culture of their people.<br />
<br />
Although they are called "sky whales" by some they more closely resemble a manta ray. With a vast wingspan to keep them in the sky for weeks or even months, only landing on the highest points of mountains where they feed on nutritious minerals which replenish their magic.<br />
<br />
Many legends and myths have a hero either riding atop a whale or being granted a bone weapon willingly by the great beasts. Some say there exists a people who live in the sky alongside them or even atop their backs. They are usually ridiculed by anyone with a telescope, but the legend persists in stories and plays.<br />
<br />
===Wooly Rhinos===<br />
These mammals of the Northern Wastes are fuzzy an produce milk. The rhinos are also used for their fur coats, their milk makes good cheese (and is occasionally brewed into a potent alcohol) they make excellent beasts of burden and their meat is of high quality. They 're just as belligerent, hostile and stubborn as humans are, and twice as hardy to boot. The larger populations of humans would not survive without captive Wooly Rhinos.<br />
<br />
For more details, see Humans.<br />
<br />
===Dogs===<br />
Wooly rhinos are not only animals humans keep. Dogs they have in their disposal are one of their greatest companions. They grow in up to half human size, their fur keeps them warm in almost any temperature and loyal to the bone. But their greatest strength in ability to eat almost anything, meat, bones, roots, grass and probably are capable of eating trees bark. Their noses capable of smelling magical enchantments and blood of magical races against which they are extremely aggressive. It is rumored that they are product of a failed (or successful goblin) experiment<br />
<br />
===Wyrms===<br />
All Wyrms are descendants of the ancient Dragons from before the rise of the Goblins. They can be found throughput the world in almost any climate or terrain, in the deeps of the ocean like the '''Varhillius''' or gliding over the desert like the '''Wyvern'''.<br />
Most Wyrms are falsely referred to as "Dragons", the reason for this is that most Wyrms known today are so far removed from the original Dragons that they can almost be called another species entirely. That being said there are still select few that still hold striking resemblance to their forbears, these are referred to as "true Dragons".<br />
<br />
But there are still a few defining features that all Wyrms have that tie them to the Dragon species:<br />
<br />
'''First''' Their scales. The unenchanted scales of a Wyrm have innate magical properties that repel attacks and harsh weather. Although quite peculiarly when they are peeled of a slain Wyrm they seem to lose this ability. But it still remains an excellent medium for enchanting.<br />
<br />
'''Second''' Warm Blood. All Wyrms no matter what subspecies or climate they live in, will have warm or even hot blood.<br />
<br />
'''Third''' Eyes. The eyes of a Wyrm, if peered into, will appear to have a depth greater than the width of the creatures skull. The reason for this is unknown and is difficult to study as it can only be seen in a living Wyrm.<br />
<br />
*'''Drake''': four legs no wings.<br />
**The most common Wyrm in Kulmorost. They dwell in shallow caves or abandoned homes, or even burrow into the ground sleep.<br />
<br />
*'''Wyvern''': two wings two legs.<br />
**Solitary hunting beasts who scour the Southern Wastes for caravans and camps to feed on.<br />
<br />
*'''Gorudrim''' (lesser dragon): two wings four legs.<br />
**The closest thing most can see to one of the original Dragons before their whole species was fucked over by the Goblins.<br />
<br />
*'''Darukrul''' (true dragon): four wings four legs.<br />
**There has only been one known sighting in the last century, and most people don't believe they ever existed ([[Derp|lizard with eight limbs]]).<br />
<br />
*'''Varhillius''': four wings no legs (aquatic)<br />
**This peculiar Wyrm makes its home under the waves. In the Tahalaca Ocean they swim and hunt in groups of up to a dozen. They are often hunted for scales and hides.<br />
<br />
===The Eye Of Storm Ocean===<br />
All of what is understood by this creature is exclusively from encounters with it. As it has only ever been seen above water, it is described as a colossal mess of barnacle-covered tentacles with a giant tentacle in the centre, pointing upwards. At the end of this specific tentacle lies its enormous eye, which apparently can see in a complete 5km radius. There is no generally-agreed-upon number of tentacles it has, due to a different amount emerging from the water at each recorded encounter with The Eye Of Storm Ocean. Only the large tentacle hosting its eye has never been seen submerged underwater, though its is not always open. It is a very slow creature, but moves faster in water the more of it is submerged.<br />
<br />
The reason as to why it is greatly feared by those who understand magic is because of its magic-generating capabilities. The Eye Of Storm Ocean can sacrifice many of the barnacles on its tentacles to generate powerful forms of magic almost instantly, making it a powerful foe. It can also use its tentacles for brutal physical attacks, making it the bane of all seamen for sure. The Eye Of Storm Ocean, when left undisturbed, is general peaceful by nature, as it attacks no flora nor fauna that belong to the sea. It mostly spends its free time growing barnacles on its tentacles, in order to sustain itself and for future use. If its eye notices anything that does not naturally belong to the sea, it will attempt to destroy it until it is dead or not in its radius of sight. It has been seen to emit magical spells only from the tip of its eye-hosting and central tentacle. The variety of its spells are not fully understood, but it has been seen to force its victims to levitate and be pushed underwater by the means of spell-casting.<br />
<br />
Due to how little is known about The Eye Of Storm Ocean, as the most reliable sources are eyewitness accounts, folklore, and occasionally love poems, the people of Kulmorost (both the scholars and the everyman) are heavily divided on the qualities of The Eye Of Storm Ocean, including topics such as:<br />
*Its intelligence, sentience, and its ability to retain memory (some argue that it is simply very territorial rather than simply violent)<br />
*How aware it is of its actions and the world around it (a position held by many elves is that it is intentionally-malicious)<br />
*The extent of its magical powers and physical strength (some records detail it being able to drown three Sky Whales with telekinesis, which very difficult to perform due to the magical resistance of the everyday Sky Whale)<br />
*How it obtained its magical and physical qualities (some believe that it may have been created by the Goblins as a part of this arsenal, but this belief is mostly baseless)<br />
*What parts of it are not recorded due to not surfacing above water (the quantity of its tentacles are debated because of this)<br />
*It being a newly-born monarch (a belief mostly held by the Worshippers of the Monarch)<br />
<br />
There are currently efforts among scholars to figure out how to converse with The Eye Of Storm Ocean, but this collaboration is still in its infancy, though it is promised to show great results. Perhaps speaking with the beast itself would filter all the topic of discussion and potentially end the widespread curiosity about the beast for good.<br />
<br />
It is best-advised to not go too deep into Storm Ocean, as an encounter with The Eye Of Storm Ocean may be the last encounter the victims may endure. However, some persist that there is a great need to understand it for the greater good of biology and magical studies, meaning some sacrifices must be dutifully made. The Eye of Storm Ocean has been cited as one of the reasons the Pirate Lords rarely venture out of the Val Sea, as well as the reason many trade routes performed across Storm Ocean have such curvy sail layouts, as if to make sure the cargo ships never have to be stared down by The Eye Of Storm Ocean.<br />
<br />
== Bibliography ==<br />
Various texts from Kulmorost.<br />
<br />
=== Dwarvish ===<br />
====Of Human Corsairs====<br />
Excerpt from ''“On Corsairs – A Study of Piracy in the Modern Age”'' written by Zul-Far-Kun, 717 MA.<br />
<br />
The book is widely considered alarmist, overly reactionary, and a satirical piece due to an absence of academic language. Nevertheless, it has formed a shared cultural image amongst the Dwarves of the blood thirsty human pirate.<br />
<br />
“It is of no question that Men thrive on raiding and piracy. Left without sufficient agriculture and rich neighbors to their south, the race of Men is famous for their exploits of violence and hatred. Nowhere else is this more personified then by the many piratical clans roaming either the western Val Ocean, or the Eastern Straits of Tahalaca.<br />
<br />
“Festooned in iron, steel and whalebone, they reave through settlements great and minor in search of bodies, wealth, and blood sport. These activities are always carried out with the primary, almost myopic intent, of causing fear.<br />
<br />
“Some pirates conduct themselves in complete silence, leaving only the sounds of their swords and spears cutting through sinew to carry their message. Others, often from further north, ingest psychedelic substances and chant in garbled tongues while enraptured in combat and slaughter. Different ships, different clans, different methodologies, but almost always with the same result – death and carrion.<br />
<br />
“Woe to those who hire such creatures to do their bidding. Many a foolish Elven prince, or princess, have found themselves cornered within their own palaces, cowering in fear, as the Men they hired turn on their former masters for the smallest slight, or perceived breach of contract, or betrayal. Seemingly fickle, but in truth constant, these pirates value one form of currency above all others: blood.” <br />
<br />
====A Scholarly Dwarven Treatise on the Kobold====<br />
"The Kobolds are a particularly prolific Beastmen race that have managed to spread across the Eastern Coats, (especially the swamps) in large numbers.<br />
<br />
They speak an incomprehensible garbled babbling language and don't have the vocal cords or intelligence necessary to pronounce any more than the most basic words of or more advanced languages. Kobolds are extremely energetic, and are very good at expressing themselves through pointing, exagerated body language, and mostly harmless spontaneous magic.<br />
<br />
Kobolds stand at one third the average height of a Human, and weigh anywhere from 30-50 pounds. To get an idea of what a Kobold looks like, imagine if someone took a small puppy, a tomcat, a salamander, and a rabbit, combined them all into an unnatural abomination, made the abomination anthropomorphic, made it look endearingly adorable, and gave it all the intelligence of the sun sum of its parts, along with a difficult to control but extremely powerful magical potential, and a burning lust for valuable obejects.<br />
<br />
That is a Kobold, and many wise scholars theorize that in ancient times a particularly twisted Goblin did just that. Kobolds live for only a decade, a decade and a half at most, and reproduce absurdly quickly, by both laying eggs, and giving birth to live young annually. Many scholars have puzzled over this biological impossibility, the humble author theorizes that egg layers and birth givers are simply two nearly identical subspecies that live with one another, but the truth may never be known. A breeding pair of Kobolds can produce well over 200 within five decades, it is for this reason Kobold nests are destroyed whenever found.<br />
<br />
Alone, Kobolds are cowardly and flee from danger, but in large numbers, they become fearless, and use swarm tactics in battle. Kobold hordes are a minor danger, but are a pressing one nontheless.<br />
<br />
Kobolds are reknown for their impressive arcane abilities. Fortunately, only 1 in 50 Kobolds is capable of using magic, these gifted Kobolds lead their society. Kobold mages are incapable of subtlety and precision, instead, they recklessly, (and often self-destructively) wield extremely powerful lightning, wind, water, and fire magic, capable of destroying entire small armies on their own.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, Kobold mages are very predictable, and a skilled practitioner of the arcane arts can easily counter even the strongest Kobold mages, though large groups may prove to be overwhelming, and they often distract mages from the hordes of nonmagical Kobolds.<br />
<br />
Kobolds are carnivorous, and are able and more than willing to consume and subsist off of anything even vaguely meat-like. They can consume bones as well, and many Kobolds find enchanted bones to be extremely delectable. It is for this reason, their extremely low intelligence, prodigious birthrate, and their vandalising, kleptomaniacal tendencies, that Kobolds are regarded as pests by most civilized peoples, and are to be destroyed if this world is to reach perfection in the eyes of Our Maker."<br />
<br />
- Urist Woodgut, Year 453 Of Our Maker.<br />
<br />
====THE BASIS OF THE CULT OF THE MAKER'S THEOLOGY====<br />
The universe is made up of three substances :<br />
#The Essence of the Architect, his Realm, the "soul" of the Maker and the souls of the dwarves.<br />
#The Higher Substance, the substance of the higher region of the world and of the "body" of the Maker.<br />
#The Lower Substance, the substance of the lower region of the world and the souls of the non-dwarves.<br />
<br />
These substances are perfectly separated with the exception of the Maker (Essence in the Higher Region of the World) and the souls of the Dwarves.(Essence in the Lower Region in the World)<br />
But the Maker and the Dwarves will ascend to the Realm of the Architect when their task will be done, establishing a true total separation.<br />
<br />
Beings have an essence and a hypostasis (personhood)<br />
The Architect, Maker and Dwarves share the same essence, but are different persons even if they will be in perfect communion in the Realm of the Architect.<br />
Non-dwarves have the same essence (the lower substance), and are all different persons.<br />
There is an hypothetical category of beings who exist in the upper region of the world and have its essence.<br />
<br />
The existence of Evil and the flaws in the world are caused by its imperfection as the world is not wholly finished until the dwarves have completed their task.<br />
The Dwarves thus believe they are progressing towards the completion of the world by developing their civilization, quite litteraly thinking they are the final touch in the creation process.<br />
They believe they are always going in the right direction in the long term because they are guided by the Maker but they don't reject responsability and the possibility of decadence in the short and mid time.<br />
The elimination of the imperfection of the world is seen as a spiritual process completly unrelated to magic whose effects on the world are not gradual : the world will become perfect and the dwarves will ascend in a single and sudden event caused by the dwarves's efforts.<br />
<br />
====Of Different Human Tribes====<br />
Excerpt from, ''“On the different tribes of Men.”'' (Dra-Bul-Naz, 818 ME)<br />
Published by the University of Valkenburg Print Press.<br />
<br />
"Of all of the erroneous assumptions made in anthropology in the last 300 years, none has been more pervasive than the conceptualization of humanity as a single ethnic race. This could not be farther than the truth. In human tribes, there exist four distinct elements: economic, political, ethnic, and religious. Different tribes subscribe to different mixes of these elements, sometimes tolerating multiply ideologies at once.<br />
<br />
"It is a theory of the author that Humanity as it exists now did not prior to the expulsion of men from the south. If anything, what little archaeological progress has been made in recent decades has revealed that different Mannish civilizations expressed wildly different architectures, scripts, art, and cultures. Indeed, a convergence only appears towards the beginning their exodus north.<br />
<br />
"It is with the above in mind that one must understand that a common Mannish tongue, an amalgamation of seemingly incongruent linguistic features, has not (and will not truly exist). Linguistic differences, although seemingly split amongst ethnic lines, are the primary divider of tribes. Although some level of mutual intelligibility does exist, more often there would be difficulty in communications between two humans born on different coasts of the Northern Wastes.<br />
<br />
"Consider the Valkgarians: a centralized tribe eking out an existence on what little green coast of the Northern Wastes there is remaining. Medium to tall of stature, with a wide variety of hair color, and with a gambit of eye colors; this tribe speaks a dialect of Mannish that does not posses grammatical cases. Nor does it have tonality. Intonal, with little inflection, their tongue relies heavily on auxiliary verbs and word order to convey meaning.<br />
<br />
"Contrast the Vends people, possessing the same stature and similar hair to the Valkgarians, but with primarily darker eye colors and hair. Their tongue has six-to-seven cases and features complex consonant clusters.<br />
<br />
"Theoretically, if you sat down a Vend and a Valkgarian, the two would be able to understand a word or there, but would otherwise have trouble maintaining a conversation.<br />
<br />
"Linguistic drift is not a uniquely human phenomenon. Mankind, however, exhibits this tendency alarmingly often – more so than any other peoples."<br />
<br />
====Hunted====<br />
He had seen them, no doubt of it. They were still on his tracks.<br />
<br />
Months ago the group left home with all the honors the Kingdom could give. A ceremony was held to receive the Overking's blessings, even. The last thing they saw was a cheering crowd of their family, friends and fellow countrymen, waving them goodbye into uncertainty. They knew it was going to be dangerous, and fear slowly turned to excitement at the prospect of going so far beyond any civilized lands. Without heavy support from a certain Senator the ordeal would have been inconceivable, fame and greatness wouldn't be theirs, and many lives would have been spared.<br />
<br />
Still in the planning phase, through the many connections he'd built over the years, word came to Rut of GRON about the plans to explore the Northern Wastelands. After so many years of idleness and yearning for his days of adventuring, the sudden call to action seemed like a well-deserved rest from crowded urban life. He was gladly taken in. It was set: 40 brave dwarves would challenge the Northern Wastelands, land of the Haumics, to find their fortunes and glory for their land.<br />
<br />
He kept running. They weren't far. He could practically smell the stench and see the horrid crude animal skins, taste the bitter metal with awful vividness. The only thing he couldn't perceive was their sound. The land was on their favor. The snow muffled their steps and the chilly wind whipped the little vigor out of the dwarf's body.<br />
<br />
There was a higher aim for the expedition, as the Senator eagerly told them. If the information in the map was accurate and the soil in that frozen hell really hid that many mineral riches, then the Kingdom would have to put a foothold in the Wastelands. The land could be healed, he said, purged from the oblivious devils that had so far been its only inhabitants. By taming one more bit of wilderness, the world would creep towards perfection, and Dwarfkind a bit closer to fulfilling their holy task.<br />
<br />
That was the thought of the naive Senator, who was deeply religious and idealistic to a fault. He went as far as trusting the Traders of the Mist and their strange treasures with the lives of 40 good dwarves, sent into a suicide mission for the slim chance of success in the name of a distant greater good. So deep were his faith and anxiety to see the world shaped by dwarven hands.<br />
<br />
Rut took a moment to remember how very far away he was from home. His body screamed for rest, and his mind was already giving up. It had been stupid to go.<br />
<br />
This had been a 3-day chase. His arm was wounded. It was frozen and lifeless, but at least no longer bled. Equally, he missed seeing blood. He yearned for color.<br />
<br />
Their silent march continued; snowflakes fluttered and danced all around him, cold as iron, white as death, as they pricked his face and sucked the warmth off his body. The indistinguishable landscape after him went on and on - could it be endless?<br />
<br />
Deep down, he knew it was a pointless struggle, one last attempt to preserve his pride, feigned bravery before his legs inevitably lost their strength and the snow swallowed him alive. Realistically, he could not flee. He didn't even know if there was any place to flee to. If nothing else, it could be worthwhile to keep it up to spite the bloodthirsty bastards. Or so he told himself, as his muscles threatened to snap and his face twisted into a grimace of pain.<br />
<br />
If he was not so tired, he would weep for his companions. Nobody deserves that end. These particular humans had a terrifying hunger for magical flesh, and Rut guessed at least 39 of the 40 brave dwarves would be used to sate it. Not long ago they had caught the only other survivor who'd kept up with him nearly this far. Rut heard him screaming and bawling like a baby, until it suddenly stopped.<br />
<br />
Sooner or later, the tall wights of the North, the dreadful iron revenants, they would find him. Then the ugly iron masks would come off, and he would have no rest.<br />
<br />
====Note from Goblinoid Trader====<br />
Not even the proud Lesian race dares set foot on their neighboring island, the "Everliving Isle", while trading with the Lesians as an envoy the Goblinoid city VRON l was sent to acquire items from the Lesians homeland, items others may see as.... distasteful. After giving the Lesians the goods we had agreed on (mostly small amounts of silver and a small collection of outdated Dwarven texts on the races of Kulmorost) and loading my goods in kind, l inquired about the so called "Isle of the Everliving". The Lesians eyed each other and reverted back to their lower tongue speaking among themselves for a time. then l got my answer. ''"do not land on isle, long-ear. nothing of worth, queen takes men minds, brings the dead. better left be"''<br />
<br />
Perhaps the Lesians are simply superstitious, l will put forward that we should mount an expedition once l return to the VRON mages, there we may find some help to our ongoing experiments.<br />
<br />
====Of Necromancy====<br />
Excerpt from Dwarven ''"Val-Embor Brumgaurd's fun with magic volume 3"''<br />
<br />
"Although some may tell you the act of reanimating the dead is an impossible task, in my own studies l have proved otherwise, although l'll tell you necromancy, while possible is somewhat impractical as the amount of magical energy one must use to keep a deceased body animated much outweighs the usefulness of the dead body. Such foolish proposals of an "army of the dead" is utter nonsense.<br />
<br />
all of my experiments are conducted on (mostly) healthy human males captured during a raid on Dwarvish settlements in the northern mountains as well as a few recently dead human corpses <br />
<br />
One of my first experiments was whether one could force the soul of recently deceased man back into his body, though the humans resisted interrogation of other Dwarven mages while alive l thought l might be able to gain some insight after bringing them back. l resolved that the sooner l could bring back the spirit to the body the better my chances of success would be, after suffocating one of the human males in a contraption of my own design, l complete the rituals making a number of animal sacrifices and life essence transferals l was successful in my endeavor, the humans eyes started moving about once more as life returned to the body, though the eyes still looked like that of a dead man l was assured he could see as l waved my hand in front of his face. After the humans initial response of great confusion and discomfort l decided to start the questioning. l was unsuccessful in my efforts of exacting information, l told the human if he answered my questions l would return him to the dead, instead of acting reasonable he instead decided to scream in what could be described perhaps as "spiritual agony" cursing my race and my family before fading back into death after a number of hours. this is not much more than l should have expected from these barbarians "<br />
<br />
"in my second series of tests l found that returning the body of the recently dead to life was the easy part, getting the dead to perform intricate tasks was the tricky part. One way l found was by carving instructive runes into the sternum of the dead, either descriptive of a specific task like "protect this one from danger" or a much broader one like "follow instruction"<br />
<br />
using these runes on two different bodies l had one with "protect this one from danger" and the name of my then assistant Bal-goran Runemar and then gave instruction to the other once dead man to kill him. the instruction given to the second was successful, perhaps too successful, although the dead seem to increase in strength they lack all skill in their fighting, preferring to randomly tear at the flesh and disembowel the target as opposed to ending their life quickly and mercifully, as Bal-goran found out first hand when the second dead broke through the defenses of the first, completing its given task. My assistants untimely death, though saddening had provided me with another body to experiment on (perfectly legal as he had signed his bodily rights to me for experiment purposes long before his death). using the method described in the previous log l brought back my assistant and asked him of the events that had transpired, he described it as being "quite unfortunate" and "less than ideal" before mirroring that which l described in my first experiment, a kind of "spiritual agony" before fading back to the other side while sobbing and crying out for his mother <br />
<br />
"continuing with my task l invited my other less experienced second assistant (whom l thought wouldn't be needed for these experiments) into the workshop to help with my work. As one could expect he looked somewhat concerned with the current state of my workshop, a number of animal carcasses now littered the workshop floor along with the still twitching bodies of dead and then for a short time not quite as dead human specimens, oh and one cannot forget the disembowel corpse of my deceased first assistant, but l digress. My now first assistant saying nothing of the horrors (or his very recent promotion to my first assistant), was happy enough to help out with further experiments. <br />
<br />
The third and final trial may have been the most successful albeit the most mentally and physically taxing of the three. This time combining parts of previous experiments, l sacrificed the lives and essence of a few beasts, carved runes into the deceased l wished to bring back and then most importantly l gave some of my own life energy to the body, in short binding my own will to that of the dead. l used only small amount as not to dramatically reduce my own lifespan, l calculated l could give the body around 5 hours of animation with all of these processes combined. SUCCESS!! lthe body rose this time, without screaming nor showing any signs of incredible stress. After questioning how the body about recent human activities he was quite cooperative, telling me all that l wanted to know and speaking only when told to. After a time l decided to perform a few simple tasks, l had him collect some of the entrails and generally rearrange a few things in the workshop. After this l decided to take him and my now first assistant for a celebratory drink at the local tavern and let me tell you people at first were quite alarmed to see an undead human wobbling around the streets, but they became calm after l showed them he was entirely bent to my will by having him..."<br />
<br />
"Dance to my assistants wonderful flute musings, garnering a few stares and many, many laughs from onlooking Dwarfs. After arriving at the pub my assistant and l partook in some of the finest wines and spoke to some fine Dwarven maidens, though l must admit we lost track of the time and soon enough the spell had worn off. we were alerted to this when the undead man started screaming and clawing at his eyes in a most uncivilized manner before slumping to the floor. We had the owner of the fine establishment keep the body in one of the backrooms ensuring him we would be back for the body the next day when sober and rewarded him a gold coin for his troubles. <br />
<br />
In all regards l wholeheartedly enjoyed my time with necromancy and will return to the subject every once in a while when l think of more experiments. As l stated in the beginning of this chapter necromancy is entirely possible, but somewhat impractical, one would need an almost unlimited about of life essence to keep even a single undead bound to his will for an extended amount of time, making notions of an "undead army" quite impracticable. <br />
<br />
The incarnations, spells, runes and other misc items l used for these experiments as well as diagrams can be found on the next page. Always be careful around humans, alive or dead. Have fun and stay safe!!" - (Val-Embor Brumgaurd's fun with magic volume 3)<br />
<br />
=== Human ===<br />
====Grante Raley & The Forsaken Isle====<br />
The Forsaken Isle gained it's name largely from the well-known explorer Grante Raley, an ancient human from the times in which they had true holdings.<br />
In the year of the Swallow of the fifteenth Cycle, he set off to plunder the Tomb of the Forsaken Isle -now commonly known as Tomb Island- but was caught in a storm and found himself on the Eastern Continent. Believing himself to be on the Forsaken Isle he searched his surrounds for the Tomb but merely came up with previously undiscovered plants and animals as well as a near-death experience with one of the native tribes.<br />
Electing to return to charted waters and make a second attempt at a later date, he set of West again and made landfall on the original Forsaken Isle, where he was loudly ridiculed by the native Dwarves upon retelling of his travels.<br />
<br />
The story continues as a joke against the humans but also their tenacity and stubborness as Grante and his crew was the first to make the journey to the eastern continent and without even the aid of an arcane sailing vessel. These days only the rare vessel with a whalebone keel dare to make the journey.<br />
Thus he endures as both the butt of a joke and a folk hero. <br />
<br />
====Whispered from father to son====<br />
Legend says that there is a small settlement even beyond these wastes where the storms are strongest. In this settlement no magic at all exists, it is said that they are some of our ancestors who were alive when we were prominent in the south. My grandfather told me that one day they will come and gather us all, all of us humans, we who are hunted, used as slaves, sport, or cattle. they will come, and when they do we will rise.<br />
<br />
For they have a gift, they are the ones who can destroy magic, they are the old ones. My grand father told me, that they were searching for a way to have us all gain their gift. So wait my child, soon one day, we will strip the knife ears of their pride in magic, demolish the ancient cites of the dwarves and annihilate the other beasts that have forced us to live this way. so wait my child, wait and grow strong. For soon the bloodied shall come. I only hope I can live to see that day!<br />
<br />
====Tale of Valnar====<br />
Who could be the One to Unify the Humans? You must be talking about Valnar Iceborn of the Long Walkers. Unknown to all but the tribes in the north, he was born during the night of the coldest winter. He grew up to be a stronger man and lateral became leader of his tribe. Inspired by the stories of old, told by the tribes tellers he started uniting the other tribes. However after having a few tribes join him, he got injured in a duel with another chieftain. The injury got infected and he died shortly after <br />
<br />
====Tale of Inïpat ====<br />
Valnar ?! No, no, no, no....you must be talking about Inïpat Amanur, born from the union of an artic woman and a polar bear spirit.<br />
Some people say he is over nine foots tall, his skin looks like silver and is as hard as steel.<br />
He can swim in the air as in water, he is so strong he killed a bear unarmed.<br />
He could jump from the arctics to the lands of the monsters, his feet are invisible and he is not only half spirit but also two third god.<br />
If he is killed, then he can force himself to be alive again through sheer force of anger.<br />
His punches are so strong that his enemies die even when he miss them.<br />
He also has two heads : one explains to his soldiers how to be strong, and the other how to defeat the monsters of the south.<br />
Animals serve him and all women fall in love him when they see him. <br />
<br />
====Enchanted Arms and Armour of the human Species====<br />
Its said that the one thing all the races of Kulmorost would agree upon is that nothing quite fits in the hand of a human quite like a well forged sword. Its not surprising then that even with the humans limited abilities in the magical disciplines that they would attempt to imbue their primitive killing tools with what magic they could.<br />
<br />
One thing common of both early and later stage Human weapons is the use of human bone in place of wood for the handle, which was then wrapped in some kind of leather or rope. the carvings on the handle itself seems to act as some kind of a magic bonding rune, binding the weapon to either those of a specific bloodline (in early examples) or to the human race itself. In essence prohibiting ones enemy from gaining any benefit (however slight) from using the weapon.<br />
<br />
In most cases the magic was relatively small changes to how the weapon handled in a humans hands, early examples are said to simply make the sword lighter in those who are able to use it. Later examples became increasingly intricate, including inscriptions in silver embedded on the length of the blade, giving one much more substantial protection against magic attacks and magical attempts at disarming. Its said that after extended battles the silver inscriptions on these weapons glow a faint, dull red.<br />
<br />
Even at the height of human metal-working these swords were rare, making the value of these weapons among skilled human warriors priceless <br />
<br />
====Of The Eye Of Storm Ocean====<br />
"Few dare to enter the depths of the Storm Ocean, as the creature called by many '''The Eye Of Storm Ocean''' resides there, usually undisturbed. Hell awaits the victims of its disturbed nature, however, as the beast will not rest until its victims are either dead or not within its attacking radius. The beast is described as enormous, having many barnacles on its many tentacles, with a colossal one-eyed tentacle at the centre of its body. This is merely what can be seen above the cold waters - for undiscovered biology remains below. The creature's greatest strength (and form of attacking) appears to not be physical, despite its size, rather it is its ability to sacrifice the many barnacles on its body to generate magic of great power almost immediately. I do not believe I have ever heard of a creature with such control over sorcery, and I'm not sure I'll live to ever see it myself. These waters are hard on our mere wooden boat, but we will think of a way. Hopefully we don't learn more about 'The Eye Of Storm Ocean' through physical examples."<br />
<br />
- Diary entry from a diary on a shipwrecked Human-controlled ship, unknown author (presumably dead)<br />
<br />
====Of Lemons and Wings====<br />
Uncle had spoken to father first when he arrived back and then to us both, he spoke about bloodlines, the time before the Exodus, our ancestors, how Lucius Latrosia became the lord of our house while his father held the hills in the south. How the had built the walls we live behind while the other Great lords fled further and further north, things l'd known since birth.<br />
<br />
Then he spoke of where he had been, about how he had brokered a trade between himself and a hill troll he was on good terms with months ago. "The deal was simple enough. l would receive the sword he had found on his land and in return he wanted a cloak like mine, a red one to impress a female troll, oh and one of those woolly rhinos to munch on" he laughs and goes on to explained how he had traveled to frostfrontier, spending a great deal of silver to have a huge cloak woven from rhino wool. And then onto the pirate lords<br />
<br />
The pirates wouldn't be so easily bartered with, They'd demand a high price for the expensive dye and the lemon trees that grow behind our walls are an important commodity to our great neighbors. "They wanted half of our lemon harvest for a year, l got them to a quarter. A good a deal as we'd get from those bastards most likely" <br />
<br />
He spoke of the arrangement's he'd made in the north and that l am to go with him in two weeks time to the Cathedral. "it was time l learned to be Valkyrie" he told me "our blood is as important now as ever" <br />
<br />
So l leave my home on the neck soon enough, the comfort of my family and our fort. <br />
<br />
But l am blood of Latrosia, and l would be a winged knight of Valkyrie soon enough<br />
<br />
Journal entry - Magnus A. Latrosia IV, age 15<br />
<br />
It has been some time since my last entry, the journey was long and arduous and its only now l feel l should write once more<br />
<br />
We passed through the winding gates up to the Cathedral. Seven gates l counted, though it may have been more. Steel and stone is what greeted us and l miss the sweet smelling trees of my family home now more than ever. We were welcomed inside the great hall by one of the elder members. We spoke for a time of the journey, the current state of the land and the elder asked if my Uncles mission was successful, this is when l was ushered to my sleeping quarters. <br />
<br />
It was 3 weeks later when l saw my uncle next, he had been on "important business" he said. He asked how it had been for me this past month, l told him the truth "Its cold here, the men even colder, l'm sick of carrying wood through those damn gates.... But l am well fed and my training in the sword is going well" he seemed glad to hear it. After a small meal and a pint of mead my uncle told me to follow close and to keep quiet. He lead me to a part of the cathedral l had never stepped foot in, the room was small and dark, books and scrolls littered the shelves, a whetstone and two bowls sat on the floor and next to them two prisoners lay on the floor, hands in chains, mouths filled with rope. l could tell what they were, one an Elf, the other a Dwarf. By the look of there close l concluded they had been traders, captured by pirates no doubt, l would learn soon enough why they had been bought to our most sacred of temples<br />
<br />
The Elder that had welcomed me here entered soon after l had and l recognized the sword he was carrying was the same my uncle had bartered for with the troll. "Prepare the ritual" the Elder said to Uncle, gesturing towards the prisoners. Uncle drew his knife, making a slit on both the prisoners arms and collecting the blood in one of the bowls. "Hold out your sword hand boy" uncle commanded. he sliced my palm before<br />
<br />
Collecting my blood in the same bowl. <br />
<br />
The Elder drew the blade, inspecting it for a moment before sitting down by the whetstone. l could barely see the blade in the dark room, it was covered in dirt and what must have been centuries old blood. <br />
<br />
The Elder wet the blade with the collected blood and honed it on the stone. It was only minutes later that the blade was as new. The inscriptions etched to the blade gleamed in the lamps dull glow. The Elder cleaned the sword and beckoned to me, handing me the blade. The blade felt strange to me, it was warm in my hand, familiar, almost comforting, like holding mothers hand as a boy. The Elder and my Uncle shared a look and then pointed me toward to the prisoners. <br />
<br />
l took the Dwarfs head first, then the elves as the runes on the sword began to glow a dull orange, my heartbeat grew heavy in my ears and the world slowed to a crawl. After some time the Elder took the blade from me and sheathed it, l have not seen it since.<br />
<br />
The sword calls to me now and l long to have it back.<br />
<br />
l am blood of Latrosia and l shall be a knight of Valkyrie soon enough<br />
<br />
Journal Entry - Magnus A. Latrosia IV, age 16<br />
<br />
<br />
====Trading in the Northern Wastes====<br />
Journal of Korneus of Grimbridge, trader sentenced to death for weapon smuggling in Toren<br />
<br />
" ...Trading in the Northen parts of the Haumic Lands truly is horrific, no inns like in Frostfrontier, none of that sweet lemonade from the famous keep and no security like back home. Can someone explain to me why are their people in such cold and dangerous lands? Going from Frostfrontier to Tempest Edge by land route is so incredibly hard! I did it to avoid the pirates, but the polar bear, feral rhinos, crazed centaurs bands and the old school bandits are far from being better! I even saw dire wolves and some snow lions! Snow lions and dire wolves! Those things were supposed to be mythical! Like the Frost maidens of the city of bones.<br />
<br />
I have got a cart filled with things: Rhino wool as well as sheep wool, several flasks of lemon liquor, Elder tree branches and some ingots of the finest steel Captain Lucio could steal from the Frostfrontier Trading company. Tomorrow. I will sneak in Toren and see if I can find someone willing to sell to a stranger, if everything goes well I will be able to marry Celestina in the Spring and I will have enough silver to not have to travel until she is with child."<br />
<br />
=== Elvish ===<br />
====Of A Treatise on the Fairer Sexes of each of the Civilized Races of Kulmorost==== <br />
written by yours truly, Terk Syrnal, humble elfen bard and womaniser extraordinaire.<br />
<br />
"Elven women are generally thin, lithe, small chested, and their faces have a sort of strange, exotic beauty about them. Their pointed ears are long, almost like a short knife, flexible, sensitive, and soft like velvet. The author is somewhat biased, but he believes that Elf women are among Kulmorost's most skilled in sensuous matters.<br />
<br />
The whiter ones are delightful, sultry farmer's daughters types, and are typically naive and curious about the world beyond their family homestead. They're quite modest and shy, but once intoxicated can become quite brazen and playful.<br />
<br />
The browner ones have a much more fiery, tempermental, and energetic personality, somewhat fittingly, given their desert home. They're less inhibited than their northern cousins, and are generally more susceptible to the advances of foriegners.<br />
<br />
The author had the utmost difficulty in locating, let alone seducing a Drow, but the author is quite persistent and experienced in his craft, and after much trial and effort, was able to succeed.<br />
<br />
The drow tend to be extremely quiet around foriegners, are overly rational and calm, showing very little outward emotion. Almost invariably, drow women have a sort of nervous shyness around men they find attractive, and will loudly voice their disdain if one attempts to call them out on it. <br />
<br />
Despite what common sense dictates, it is folly to attempt to outright seduce a drow woman, as they become very defensive and close themselves off, causing their would-be lover to lose their opportunity."<br />
<br />
"Rather, if one is attempting to seduce a drow woman, the would-be seducer must ingratiate himself into a drow tribe. which is a challenge in and of itself. He must then openly demonstrate some sort of skill uncommon among the drow, such as lightning magic or in the author's case, skillfully playing a lute. Demonstrating a skill is of the utmost importance, as drow women prize capability in their mates above all else. The would-be seducer must then politely ignore the drow women, whilst continuing to demonstrate their skill.<br />
<br />
If he stays the course, the seducer will incite lust among a few of the Tribe's younger, unmarried drow. He musn't speak to them, or show even the slightest sign of interest, or they will lose interest, as the seducer must seem to be unattainable to retain interest.<br />
<br />
When a few months have passed, one of the drow women will ask the would-be seducer to demonstrate their skill to them personally. It is then that the would-be must seduce their quarry. He must do so subtly, and somewhat patronizingly, as if she isn't worth his time, and if done correctly, the drow will slowly but surely become enflamed with lust. The would-be seducer must not make the first move, but he must then begin to show slight interest.<br />
<br />
If the would-be seducer has done everything correctly, the drow will begin to flirt herself, and it is then that the Drow and would-be seducer enter in a battle of words, and the would-be seducer must begin slowly and, above all, subtly escalate the innuendo in his attempts at seduction, until the drow is practically dripping with barely disguised lust.<br />
<br />
It is then, that the would-be seducer makes the first move, something innocuous, like putting a hand on her shoulder, or on her knee. If the would-be seducer has done everything correctly, the drow will initiate intercourse, and it will have been by far worth the wait."<br />
<br />
"When the deed is done, the successful seducer must remain in the Tribe for some time, to leave suddenly would incite suspicion, and possibly scalping. He must wait, spending each night with his lover, until at least one month has passed. He must then wait until nightfall comes, spend a final night with his lover, and when she has fallen asleep, leave in the dead of night as stealthily as possible.<br />
<br />
With luck, the Tribe won't realise what happened and hunt the seducer down, and the seducer will get off scot-free. Usually, when three months have passed, the stomach of the seducer's former lover will begin to dwell and the Tribe will catch on, but by then it's much too late to do anything about it.<br />
Dwarven women are short, thick, soft, and curvaceous. Regardless of what popular rumor may claim, they do not have excessive body hair, and are not, for the most part, racist prudes or drunken harlots. When one is attempting to seduce a Dwarven woman, he must be careful to ensure that she is unmarried, and impious, else one's efforts are doomed to failure.<br />
<br />
Good food and plenty of it, is the key to a Dwarf woman's heart and bosom. One must be blunt with their intentions and clear that they don't intend to settle down in a lasting relationship, (unless one is a Dwarf himself, in which case the opposite is true,) and odds are, she'll be receptive to one's advances.<br />
<br />
Orcish women are large, and possess a strange sort of rugged beauty, with a form both muscular and feminine, and supple, glistening green skin. They are extremely blunt about their intentions and feelings, and if one is blunt and attractive themselves, they'll most certainly succeed in their endeavor."<br />
<br />
"Human women are stubborn, hateful, and nigh impossible to bring to heel if one is not a Human themselves. As for appearances, they vary tremendously, and run the gamut of thick and thin, but almost all have an enticing sort of inner fire. Regretfully, the author was unable to seduce a Human woman, and as the author is an elf of honor and scruples, he was unwilling to force a Human woman to copulate, as much as both parties might've enjoyed it.<br />
<br />
The author hopes this Treatise was informative to the reader, and will aid him in his own efforts."<br />
<br />
''Historians note:'' Terk Syrnal disappeared shortly after publishing this Treatise and a dagger of unknown make, possibly drowish or orcish, was found on his pillow.<br />
<br />
====About the Lesians==== <br />
The Lesians?<br />
<br />
The crude semi-intelligent lizards from the island over the canal? Hah! Do not dare to label them as one of the Mighty Magical Races!<br />
They chirp to each other like birds, a brutish language lacking the sophistication of our elven language or the systematic focus of the dwarvish script. I am not even sure can they write at all.<br />
I have understood that they have recently began to imitate human speech and the humans have been sufficiently bluffed that they actually believe to be talking with them! Rest assured, imitating human speech is simple feat that even elven children could do if we would be so cruel to allow one to experience that horrible babbling.<br />
Their religion is a travesty, a pale copy of the dwarven mythos without deeper understanding of the world around them.<br />
As such, the Lesians are fully without a Society, merely interest to us because of their predatory nature and great numbers, which were sadly left unchecked for too long. Alas if the other Princes had listened to my grandfather, who campaigned for their culling in his youth!<br />
<br />
Even the Lesians only militaristic achievement, the defeat of the Blood Orcs, can be easily explained by the numbers of the Lesians, their characteristic disregard of their own casualties and the utter ignorance of military tactics of the Blood Orcs, who cared much more about gory kills than winning.<br />
<br />
In conclusion, the annoying Lesian raids are no match for the combined might of the Elven Principalities and our staunch dwarven allies!<br />
<br />
-Cinnar, Prince of the coastal realm of Kinost, 2 years before the Invasion.<br />
<br />
====Notes of Amanur, the Troll Headhunter====<br />
(The notes are popular among mercenaries)<br />
<br />
We gather in city of MUN that sits on the edge of troll land, in group of fifteen mercenaries, enough to kill a troll without problem yet small enough to go unnoticed. After preparing everything: food, weapons, traps and rope strong enough to pull the body.<br />
<br />
We leave at the sunrise and venture into land of those beasts, this land is completely uncivilized, almost no agriculture, no roads or bridges. What is there are those towers stupid beasts build, they are seen from far away for us before troll inside will see us. That's when we stop and put up our camp and prepare to night when we strike.<br />
<br />
When sun falls we leave two guys at camp while everyone else moves toward the tower. We break at enough groups to enclose them from all sides and overwhelm beasts from range, magic, bows, everything works as long as you don't get in close. That not always so smooth as trolls are stubborn and refuse to die quickly, running wildly into us....The death of one or two are no problem, we still can carry their bodies, but if more than half dies we bury bodies in our camps.<br />
<br />
We don't stay for night to sleep at camp, we tie our price and go back to city as fast as we can, staying more than one day in this land rises danger tremendously, most groups return on second day, those who go deeper into enemy land return on third day, rarely any groups who left after three days ever returns.<br />
<br />
The pay is very hefty, better than working on fields, that's for sure. Bounties on Night trolls started to pop up recently and every body has price five times higher than Hill one!<br />
<br />
====The Tragedy of Lilith====<br />
Lilith Armeni Liliac, the Seductress, Traitormaker and Witch-Whore of south (all these titles only know to a humans), a woman who caused Carnage of Cain.<br />
Lilith was a quite unimportant princess of very small duchy near northern borders on South, she and her cousin seeker a glory and fame for their duchy in Human Exodus war. They both devised a very Machiavellian plan: they in secret maked several human kingdoms unite against invasions, while several of them was traitors. In plan, they will betray their kin, cousin will win battle against separated forces and capture traitors to keep them as gelded pets in gilded cage.<br />
But every plans goes awry: Lilith cousin was accidentally killed by a single stray arrow right at beginning of battle. In the end, all credit was taken by his second-in-command, a petty noble with no lands, Bre Guile (to this day, House Guile one of most powerful families of South, they name revered for tactical genius and bravery), human traitors was killed and role of Lilith was mostly unknown for Elves, but not for Humans.<br />
Her name is still reviled by humans and to this day, Elves is still heavily associated with her.<br />
<br />
As for Elven history? Well, she was nothing but mere footnote - she was only known only as princess of duchy who was quietly assimilated after her death, she attended several very decadent patries and, in the end, was permanently was enchanted as statue in colonnade for "having too deviant tastes" by very powerful wizard for his own brothel. These brothel is still there and very famous these days, indulging almost every sin and fetish possible.<br />
Such life in Elven Principalitites!<br />
<br />
====An Encounter Between The Eye Of Storm Ocean and Three Sky Whales==== <br />
''The following was written by a Elven fisherman, who wishes to remain anonymous:''<br />
<br />
I am not one to recount events of my life onto paper, but I am willing to make an exemption. Merely 30 minutes ago, we were in Storm Ocean on a trip to deliver cargo and for a little bit of fishing on the side. They always say, Storm Ocean's fish taste better than any other, and I cannot disagree. Nevertheless, we were fishing in Storm Ocean, and we saw the Eye in the distance. It was looking away from us, but we were all still on edge. As we started at the beast, something uncanny occurred: three Sky Whales came down from the clouds and struck the Eye directly into its... well, eye. The Eye regained its focus after the attack, and suddenly, almost like a divine intervention, its eye glowed yellow and all of the Sky Whales stopped moving mid-air. They slowly began sinking through the air, unable to move in any other direction but down. They must have realised what was going to happen, as all three seemed to be panicking to a frightening degree. And, sure enough, they were slowly lowered into the water, and held underwater, all three thrashing wildly and bubbles surfacing from their helpless bodies. This went on for minutes, with the Eye never breaking its gaze on its three victims. Eventually, the movements stopped and the bubbles no longer emerged from underwater. Three tentacles, however, did emerge from the water, only to be wrapped around the three carcasses and lowered deep underwater. This event alone was enough for the captain to command the ship to leave Storm Ocean. <br />
<br />
Now, I am aware how ludicrous the following may sound, but I swear on my mother's soul that this really did happen. As we were leaving, the Eye looked at our boat. And then it leered at us, and one of its tentacles moved side-to-side, as if it was waving! I'm hoping to all that is pure that the waving was just a reflex and the leering was because we were leaving its line of sight, but I certainly felt an aura of unpleasantness by just looking at the thing. If what I saw was anything different from reflexes and sight problems, it would explain why it bothered to drown three Sky Whales instead of twisting their spines, which is the most common form of death recorded in relation to the Eye. If it was sending a message, message received. I'll fish in Val Sea from now on, I'm sure the fish taste just as nice.<br />
<br />
=== Orcish===<br />
====Of Human Settlements==== <br />
Excerpt from ''“Anthropology - Know your Enemy Vol.2: Settlements”'' written by Valko Tiamare, circa 300 MA.<br />
<br />
A very old series of books written by an orc explorer that used to roam the human lands before orcs were seen as enemies of humanity like elves and dwarves are. The books are a well respected source on human behaviour and culture.<br />
<br />
“Humans live in all kinds settlements in the Northen wastes. Settlements of all sizes above the ground some permanent and others seasonal some humans live in small underground settlements. That said, ironically, their biggest city lies within a massive cave system with sea access on one of the coasts near their southern border. From what I have heard, there is only two official ways to enter and one of them being a cave that gives access the city's harbour. I didn't gain access to it but the city seems to have within it's limits a great market and a great forge.”<br />
<br />
“...once your men start falling to traps, you will know that you are near a underground human settlement, locals seem to know the placement of all the traps, while travellers usually will blow their goat horns when they feel they are near a settlement to ask to be escorted inside. No one enters an underground settlement without being invited in.”<br />
<br />
“Palisade walls protect even the smallest permanent settlements above the ground, all permanent settlements have guards on standby ready to rain arrows on all approaching threats. Always approach with extreme caution.”<br />
<br />
====The Beginning to the extinction of Laffu====<br />
The Laffu were used to surprised attacks from the other local Orc tribes, but this was not a local Orc tribe<br />
<br />
The Children moved silently in the night, their footsteps made no sound on the sand. They came naked, armed with spears pulled from the earth, their dark skin making them all but invisible in the black of the wastes. They approached the walls of the Laffu unseen and unheard, moving the earth under the walls to gain entry to the fort. By the time the night watch had figured out what was happening, most of the Orcs lay dead with a spear through the heart, or their throat slit in their bed. Only one of the black Children died in the fight, his throat pierced by a thrown Orcish spear. His blood gushed from his wound, bursting into deep red flame, he fell to his knees before crumpling into ash. The orcs that saw this lost all want to fight, they were finished off cleanly.<br />
<br />
In less than an hour the hold by the sea had been emptied. More than 60 orcish men, woman and children lay dead to a force of only 15<br />
<br />
They would not sleep nor eat tonight, they would not morn their dead. They moved back into the dark as silently as they had come, vanishing into the black<br />
<br />
== Links to the archived threads ==<br />
<br />
[http://warosu.org/tg/thread/51248833/ Kulmorost Divided part 1]<br />
<br />
[http://warosu.org/tg/thread/51288620/ Kulmorost Divided part 2]<br />
<br />
[http://warosu.org/tg/thread/51380847/ Kulmorost Divided part 3]<br />
<br />
[http://warosu.org/tg/thread/51485832/ Kulmorost Divided part 4]<br />
<br />
[http://warosu.org/tg/thread/51485832 "current" Thread]<br />
<br />
[[Category:Homebrew_Settings]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=The_Elder_Scrolls&diff=1009129The Elder Scrolls2026-03-21T14:34:52Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008425 by 192.42.116.179 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>{{/vg/}}<br />
[[File:Crabomancy.jpg|300px|thumb|right|During the Oblivion Crisis, the Dunmer of House Redoran revived a whole city, Ald'ruhn, which was made out of shell of the Great Skar to fight on their side, as a Giant Friendly Crab. They lost, but it's still badass.]]<br />
'''The Elder Scrolls''' is a [[video game|vidya]] series, and the setting of five main games and a number of spinoffs. Despite being a vidja, it is considered a type II game.<br />
<br />
/tg/ also has a [[Scrollhammer|40k/WHFB hack named Scrollhammer]], [[Scrollhammer 2nd Edition|Infinity hack 2nd edition]], and a number of pen and paper games (notably [[Morrowind PNP]] and the [[Unofficial Elder Scrolls RPG|UESRPG]]) set in [[The Elder Scrolls]] universe. Recently, Modiphius created "The Elder Scrolls: Call to Arms", which features a solid PVE game mode and reflects much of Skyrim on the tabletop (down to the Dragonborn deciding to loot everything in sight whilst their companions are slaughtered by Draugr). Currently only features models from Skyrim, but much like [[Fallout Wasteland Warfare| Wasteland Warfare]], they'll likely expand it to the other games in due time.<br />
<br />
Its canon is notoriously unstable and intentionally 'postmodern'. Long story short: imagine every canon clusterfuck 40K has ever experienced, only there are no editions to draw a neat line between lore changes. And on at least one occasion, time has been known to break in order to allow simultaneous mutually exclusive outcomes. You know how in 40K everything is canon, but not everything is necessarily true? Here, nothing is canon and everything is true, especially when it contradicts itself, so histories are intentionally interpretive and unreliable.<br />
<br />
==Setting==<br />
[[File:Elder_Scrolls_Cosmology.jpg|400px|thumb|right|An approximation of the cosmology of the Elder Scrolls. Not shown: mindfucks.]]<br />
The games mainly take place in Tamriel, a continent consisting of nine separate lands. After being [[Anal Circumference|buttfucked]] by the [[Eldar|Ayleid]] for several centuries, humanity rises up and overthrow their elven overlords, and took control themselves. Then, a few thousand years later, a man named [[God-Emperor|Tiber]] [[Alpharius|Septim]] steps up and leads his armies to [[Great Crusade|conquer all of Tamriel to found the Third Empire of Cyrodiil]]. But instead of exterminating all the elves and beast races, they were allowed to co-exist with the other races and a time of prosperity began, ending with the death of Emperor [[Star Trek|Jean-Luc Picard the 7th]], and [[Khorne|Mehrunes Dagon]] then began to fuck his way from [[Warp|Oblivion]] into Tamriel, starting a chain of events that resulted in him being kicked back into hell by the Emperor's lost son, [[A Song of Ice and Fire|Sean Bean]].<br />
<br />
Being Sean Bean meant he died in the process, and without an Emperor the Empire began to crumble. The Aldmeri Dominion (think Ayleid 2.0) sensed their weakness and began a war to subjugate the lesser races. The Empire only barely managed to stop them, and a tense cease-fire is currently in effect. The fluff of this series, unfortunately, suffers greatly from dissonance between written background and shown foreground due to all the shit mentioned in the intro.<br />
<br />
There's also a bunch of other weird cosomology crap involved, but it's all kind of trippy and kind of in a grey area when it comes to canon. Don't think too much about it, unless you're into that. The setting works if you don't care for it, and it works if you do. The games themselves don't acknowledge the "deeper" lore outside some in-game books and a few references thrown in some main-story dialogue.<br />
<br />
<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="100%"> <br />
If you ''do'' want to read on some of the (possibly) weirdest, at times incomprehensible, yet at times original without being ~~subversive because we can~~ lore ever written, click to open.<br />
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"><br />
<br />
'''Creation of the world'''<br />
<br />
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJD-Ufi1jGk Listen to this.] This is the main theme of Morrowind, the third game in the series. It also contains the history of the cosmology of The Elder Scrolls. Listen to it, because it's a damn fine tune. But as you listen to it, you might realise there are no spoken words in this music. So how can it tell the history of a setting? Well, sit that five-dollar ass of yours down before I make [[Tzeentch|change]].<br />
<br />
Long ago there was an entity who had fallen deeply in love, but his brother loved the same person, so he out of jealousy killed his loved one. That brought such distress to him that he fell into a coma of sorts, he "hid in a sun" and started dreaming. Thus he became The Godhead. From his dreams sprung Anu and Padomay, Stasis and Change. These "brothers" (the term used in the loosest sense here, solely on being related but different forces) accidentally created Nir, Grey maybe, personification of creation itself. But Padomay grew jealous of the relationship between Anu and Nir and out of spite decided to break her. Nir was killed and Creation was shattered, maimed for ever. Anu then fought Padomay and they were cast out of time forever, even though they still exist and will always exist as long as there is Order and Chaos. You might have thought to yourself, "Didn't that happen twice?", yes it did. Everything in the Dream mimics original Godhead and his mind, everything comes from it. In this case Anu was avatar of the Dreamer while Padomay represented Godheads brother and Nir their shared love. Same scenario of two mirror brothers, one being force of Stasis, The King and one being force of Change, The Rebel always repeats. The souls or core concepts of Anu and Padomay on which all of creation runs are called, Anui-El (IS) and Sithis (IS NOT). <br />
<br />
Eventually from endless energies and "blood" of Anu and Padomay came the Et'ada (Et'ada means original spirit, while Ada means just generally any spirit), each representing different idea and concepts. Et'ada tended to categorize themselves with Anu or Padomay. Auri-El, Kyne and other Et'ada who lean more towards Order are Anuic while more chaotic ones like Mehrunes Dagon or Molag Bal are more Padomaic. Later after creation of realms those who were Anuic became Aedra, which means "our ancestor" in Ehlnofex, because Aedra took part in creation of the world we usually visit in TES games, while those Padomaic spirits who did not take part in creation and created their own solo realms became Daedra, which translates to "not our ancestor" (though that was not always the case, Jyggalag for example is a Daedra, but he is clearly Anuicly aligned.) <br />
<br />
In the Dawn Era, time, in the shape of Akatosh (Ara, Auriel, Auri-El Tosh'Raka, AKHAT; take your pick), was non-linear. It flowed freely wherever it wanted, without direction, form of shape. In this temporal soup floated the souls of the proto-Mer. Think pea soup, except with millions of Ada of all sorts instead of peas. Time, in this form, was a single point. It was called the Ur-Tower, Ada-Mantia. Except it was not really a point or a tower, but more of a sound.<br />
<br />
''Bom. (0:00 to 0:01 of the song)''<br />
<br />
The Et'Ada saw it, and it was good. Except for one. A being born from Padomay who wanted no name, but eventually came to be first known as Lorkhan (LKHAN, Shor, Sep, Shezarr, maybe even Shepard). Having little interest with the rest of the Et'Ada's activities, or more likely inactivity, he spent his time wandering the Aurbis (all of existence), eventually coming to the very edge. He saw the universe, shaped like a wheel with eight spokes. Then he looked at the wheel from another perspective, and it looked like a Tower, a perfect line. An I.<br />
<br />
"I." <br />
<br />
This was his first word, and he would never, ever forget it. He understood everything right then and there, all of creation and its true nature was revealed to him.<br />
<br />
Wanting to share this revelation with the other Ada but knowing that none of them would be able to comprehend it as they were, he came up with a plan for a creation and showed it to Magnus, The Grand Architect. Magnus went along with the plan and recruited the help of the Et'ada that we know as Aedra today: Akatosh, Dibella, Julianos, Kynareth, Mara, Stendarr, Zenithar and many other lesser spirits that you probably never heard of to serve as the basis of their creation. Except that they did not know this last part, Lorkhan had fooled them. Their divinity was drained into the creation, or re-creation of long shattered Nir, Nirn was born. When they discovered they were tricked the Et'Ada were [[RAGE|not amused]]. Magnus buggered off into infinity along with his servants, tearing through the edge of Mundus and creating The Sun and The Stars in the process...yeah, everything you see in sky is a giant non euclidean portal to realm of infinite energy, the original crib of Et'ada, The Aetherius. Others gave Lorkhan his due: [[RIP AND TEAR|Trinimac tore his heart out and Auriel(Elven aspect of Akatosh) shot it out over the sea]], where it landed in a spot and created a crater that would gain the moniker "Red Mountain". The halves of Lorkhan's body became the moons Masser and Secunda, [[Emperor|the last visible remnants of a corpse god.]] But this was [[just as planned]], throughout the whole thing the Heart of Lorkhan was laughing at them like a maniac, because Red Mountain was Red Tower, the second Tower, and the beat of his heart would be added to the sound of Akatosh. His Heart would become the prison for The Dragon God of Time.<br />
<br />
''Bom bom. (0:01 to 0:07 of the song)''<br />
<br />
This completely, utterly and irrevocably buttfucked spacetime. Because there now was a second point in existence, time could no longer flow anywhere it wanted and had to flow from Akatosh to Lorkhan. With time becoming linear, Nirn could start to grow. Aedra were drained and "dying", so they had to reproduce, create worshipers or someone that could sustain them. Slowly Ehlnofey, the "Earth Bones", Ada of all forms and shapes, some descendants of crazy reproduction, started popping up. Some created simple truths and laws for Nirn, for example gravity, others reproduced more, creating less energized spirits that slowly stabilized in different ways, slowly becoming mortal. They are ancestors of Humans (Men) and Elves (Mer). These Ehlnofey fortified their borders from the chaos outside, hid their pocket of calm, and attempted to live on as before. Other Ehlnofey arrived on Nirn scattered amid the confused jumble of the shattered worlds, wandering and finding each other over the years. Eventually, the wandering Ehlnofey found the hidden land of Old Ehlnofey, and were amazed and happy to find their kin and a comfy place, built by them. The wandering Ehlnofey expected to be welcomed into the peaceful realm, but the Old Ehlnofey being arrogant douchebags, refused to accept their kin. Anywho, war broke out between them and raged across the whole of Nirn and sunk large part of planet in ocean. Old Ehlofney (the asshole ones), who primarly lived in Tamriel, became Elves (gee, you didn't expect that, did you?), while their kin on other continents became Humans (Yokudans, Atmorans and Akaviri/Tsaesci). <br />
<br />
''Bom bom. (0:07 to 0:39 of the song)''<br />
<br />
The Mer, one of the first to mortalize were [[RAGE|not pleased]] by this. They blamed Lorkhan for their predicament, naming him the Doom Drum, bringer of mortality, death and the herald of all misfortune. But they made the best out of the situation, and the races of Mer prospered. New Towers came into existence, one by one: Walk-Brass Tower, White-Gold Tower, Snow-Throat Tower, Crystal-Like-Law, Orchalc, Khajit and Tree-Sap.<br />
<br />
''Bom bom. (0:39 to 1:19 of the song)''<br />
<br />
But, as time went on (something new back then), more and more happened. New peoples stood up. Empires were founded and fell. The races of Men were discovered, the beast races prospered, and the Empires of Men were founded.<br />
<br />
''Bom bom. (1:19 to 1:42 of the song)''<br />
<br />
Yet nothing is eternal. The Thalmor, the ruling faction of the High Elves, desires nothing less than the destruction of the Doom Drum and all of creation so time once again becomes non-linear, mortality would get destroyed and they could return their eternal soup-floating. Removing Lorkhan would stop the music of existence, and everything once again becomes singular.<br />
<br />
''Bom bom. Bom. (1:42 to 1:55 of the song)''<br />
<br />
And then... silence.<br />
<br />
'''On the importance of Towers'''<br />
<br />
For every Tower there is a Stone, an artifact that can be used to activate or deactivate a Tower. For Ada-Mantia Tower this is the Moment of Creation itself (making it rather difficult to obtain), for Red Tower this is the Heart of Lorkhan and for White-Gold Tower this is the Amulet of Kings. The Towers serve many purpose besides keeping [[Homestuck|spacetime]] from becoming a massive alinear clusterfuck. What is this? Well, it's easier for you to do it yourself that for me to explain. Make yourself a print of the map of Tamriel further down on this page. Then get yourself a pin board and a black, a red, two brown, three white, and two green tacks. Put the map against the pinboard and do the following:<br />
<br />
*Put the white tacks through the map in the Imperial City in Cyrodiil, the Throat of the World slightly south-east of Whiterun in Skyrim, and Crystal Tower in the Summerset Isles (northern part, west of King's Watch). (White-Gold, Snow-Throat and Crystal-Like-Law)<br />
*Put the green tacks in Yokuda (exact location unknown) and in Valenwood (somewhere in the middle). (Orichalc and Tree-Sap)<br />
*Put the brown tacks in Daggerfall (southernmost tip of High Rock) and in Elsweyr (again in the middle). (Walk-Brass and Khajiit)<br />
*Put the red tack in the middle of Vvardenfell in Morrowind. (Red)<br />
*Put the black tack on the little island deep in the Iliac Bay near High Rock. (Ata-Mantia)<br />
<br />
That's the locations of the Towers that keep time flowing. All's fine and dandy with those holding the world together, right? Wrong! Some have been destroyed or deactivated over the course of time; three times, this was done by the player. [[Fail|Whoops]]. Remove the following:<br />
<br />
*Red Tower (deactivated in Morrowind by you)<br />
*White-Gold Tower (deactivated in Oblivion by you)<br />
*Crystal Tower (destroyed in Oblivion by the Daedra)<br />
*Khajiit Tower (Their leader, the Mane was killed, likely assassinated by Thalmor. S/He was also known as the Mane Moon which appeared when Secunda and Masser overlap)<br />
*Tree-Sap Tower (both located in Thalmor territory, likely deactivated)<br />
*Orichalc Tower (destroyed along with Yokuda)<br />
<br />
Snow-Throat Tower is very much active (but damaged), but its Stone is an unknown cave. Ata-Mantia Tower remains active, and its stone, the "zero stone" is the physical manifestation of a meeting the Aedra had to discuss how to punish Lorkhan for his role in the creation. Walk-Brass Tower is very much active, but somehow it is "besieging reality well into the Fifth Era", meaning that it's in the future yet somehow active. Which is not a bad thing, since [[Titans_40k|Walk-Brass tower is a fuckhueg robot]] that fucks Time so hard it breaks every time someone just ''turns the thing on'' . So yeah, the only things standing between Tamriel and the primordial time-grog are a mountain, a meeting, and one of the [[Void Dragon]]'s action figures. Unless, of course, Akavir and\or Pyandonea would be revealed to host their own Towers, which is likely since certain prominent rulers of both lands somehow managed to achieve godhood, something that Towers are very helpful at.<br />
<br />
Removing the Tower-Tacks has another side effect: the veil between Nirn and [[Warp|Oblivion]] becomes thinner. At the time of Oblivion it had even grown so thin that the Daedra could slip into this realm on their own accord. So your actions in Morrowind partially caused the Oblivion Crisis. [[Fail|Way to go, champ.]]<br />
<br />
Now the Thalmor, who a lot of fans believe want to shut down all Towers, [https://www.reddit.com/r/teslore/comments/gwy1yx/ don't really need that]. Their main goal is the biggest and newest anchor of existence, Talos (essentially Lorkhan 2.0), hence why they try to unmake him by outlawing his worship. The Thalmor want him and all of mankind gone, believing their extermination necessary to unmake the Mundus.<br />
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'''How to Break your Dragon (Or Jump Your Shark)'''<br />
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You might have heard the phrase "Dragon Break" (both words capitalized) a few times. Simply put, this means cock-slapping Time so hard it breaks and becomes non-linear for a while. But not just any cock-slap, oh no. This is the hard part: Imagine a dick if you will. A really big dick (no, this does not make you [[gay]] <s>unless you imagine balls touching</s>). So big in fact, that even Long Dick Johnson would say "That's a big fucking dick". Right, you see it? The biggest fucking dick your feeble mind could comprehend? Good.<br />
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Now, imagine if you will, Time. How you do this is up to you: [[Doctor Who|causality, a linear progression of cause and effect]], floaty magic thingies, [[Tallarn|sand]], a clock, perhaps even a more anthropomorphic presentation in the shape of a [[loli]] or a cute [[monstergirl]]. Right. Now take the dick and slap Time in the face. Cockslap it so hard that time itself just outright breaks and loses its linearity. This is a Dragon Break. The name itself is derived from the notion that the Linearity of Time is Akatosh, who is a dragon. Hence if you break time, you "Break the Dragon". While inside a Dragon Break time is perceived to pass normally, but when one exits it might appear that a lot more or less time than you observed has passed in the rest of the world.<br />
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The first known Dragon Break occurred near the end of the Dragon War, where a trio of [[Vikings|Nords]] confronted Alduin the World-Eater, First-Born and Aspect of Akatosh that personifies the End of Time (meaning that somehow he was [[Wat|his own father]]), the leader of the [[dragon]]s. The Nords created a localized Dragon Break to fling Alduin into the future so that he wasn't their problem anymore. Mind you, they had no idea where the stuff they shunted was actually going; they just knew it disappeared things, and decided that making Alduin someone else's problem was as good as killing him, essentially causing (or at least amplifying) all the problems in the 4th Era out of laziness. [[Eldrad|What a bunch of dicks.]]<br />
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The second known Dragon Break happened during the Battle of Red Mountain, where the First Council of the [[Elf|Chimer]] went to war with the [[Dwarves|Dwemer]]. The Dwemer were working on a giant golem they called Numidium. However, it had one minor design flaw: every time someone pushed the "ON" switch it fucked the dragon right up the butt, no lube. This allowed for the multiple truths on the events that transpired on Red Mountain: Ayem, Seht and Vehk stood by their friend Nerevar as he succumbed to his wounds. Almalexia, Sotha Sil and Vivec murdered their Hortator (war-leader) Nerevar. Ayem Seht Vehk = Almalexia Sotha Sil Vivec = ALMSIVI. Everything is true, nothing is correct.<br />
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The third suspected Dragon Break occurred during the time of the Alessian Empire, when Saint Alessia freed Man from the slavery of their Mer rulers (think of her as a booby [[Sigmar]]). A cult of the Alessian Order known as Marukhati, lead by monkey man Marukh. wanted to exorcise the aspects of Auriel from Akatosh, basically substracting the Elf from the Dragon. This is said to have resulted in a thousand-and-eight year Dragon Break and might have resulted in creating more Dragon aspects than just Auri-El and Akatosh. But some claim that this was little more than [[Administratum|a fuckup of the scholars and historians of the time]].<br />
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The fourth known Dragon Break took place when [[Emperor|Tiber Septim]] unleashed Numidium on the Khajiit of Elsweyr. This included the subjugation of Elsweyr, Valenwood and eventually the Summerset Isles. Tiber Septim threatened to activate it again and have it wreck the Aldmeri Dominion, but they liked their assholes to only be violated by one another, so they too stood down. It has been recorded that Numidium was then used to destroy hostile royal families to replace them with the Emperor's puppets, likely by having it step on them.<br />
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The fifth and currently final known Dragon Break occurred during the events of Daggerfall, where it was turned on in the Iliac Bay. But because of the nature of Numidium fucking space-time a new lovehole when it activates (hence, "turned on"), a number of the states in the region obtained the "FUCK EVERYTHING" button of Numidium and pressed it at the same time. Two days of hilarity later, everyone conquered one another until the Empire ended as top dog and everyone swore fealty to the Empire. Because of the events surrounding the activation of the Dragon Break, Numidium disappeared and fell into the future, where it still stands as Walk-Brass Tower.<br />
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When the Dragon Breaks happen, Akatosh deploys the Jill to fix time so that everything does not fall apart. These minute-menders (akin to angels) tend to take the form of great wyrms who fly around and fix the little bits of time with the power of their Voice (i.e.: they shout at holes in space-time until they bitch down). If this sounds familiar to you... it is! Jills are female Dragons, while Drakes are the male ones; Dragons can't really reproduce and are born of Time/Akatosh, but it's more of a conceptual thing, with Jills having the concept of healing while Drakes have the concept of Domination. So yeah, Dragons you kill, fight, kill and soul-rob to increase your own unholy power are actually servants and minor aspects of Akatosh. So in other words, [[Adeptus Evangelion|you have been killing the heralds of a new era]].<br />
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...Or at least ''you would be if they were actually doing what they were supposed to do'' - as it turns out, some time before that first Dragon Break Alduin, who is also aspect of Akatosh himself decided that he would rather rule over the broken bits of time himself, and the dragons are bound to obey him without question. It's not certain if he did it because he knew that he wouldn't get to eat the world this time around or if he just felt like ruling the world instead of resetting it. So all of reality is increasingly fucked and the only beings who can fix it stopped giving a shit a long time ago. Gods plotting against themselves is fairly common in TES since most of the Gods are broken and crazy with tons of split personalities.<br />
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There is also the whole issue of Aka-Tusk, or simply Aka. Apparently all the Dragon Aspects of time at one point or another were Great Dragon God of Time known as Aka-Tusk, but got broken and shed millions of times, maybe even before the Marukhati Dragonbreak. We may never know because Dragonbreaks are usually at least partially retroactive.<br />
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And then there is the whole issue of Akatosh and Lorkhan being one being and Akatosh being trapped in Heart of Lorkhan literally. This timey wimey bullshit is really getting out of hand.<br />
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'''CHIM: Or "You took HOW MUCH LSD!?'''<br />
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[[File:Chim explained.png|300px|thumb|right|CHIM. It's sort of like this.]]<br />
That muffled explosion you just heard was caused by a number of people exploding out of sheer [[rage]]. Sit tight, because this shit is meta wrapped in an enigma inside a mindfuck.<br />
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In Morrowind you can find a series of books titled the 36 Sermons of Vivec. If you pick them up and read them at face value they might appear as parts of a religious text, filled with metaphors, truths twisted throughout the ages, and copious amounts of [[Anal Circumference|buttfucking]] (''literal'' buttfucking, in one case). In these books you will find several references to CHIM, The Tower, and The Ruling King. Now, early on in the books Vivec is shown as the teacher of Lord Indoril Nerevar (more on him below), yet Nerevar does not understand the lessons. Because he was not the intended student. Instead, these lessons were meant for you. Not only for your player character, but for ''you'', the player. For if one attains CHIM, one's physical form becomes a mere avatar of the self.<br />
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But now you may wonder, what the Charles fucking Dickens *is* CHIM?<br />
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Imagine if you will, a great wheel with eight spokes. The wheel is everything that exists: Aurbis. The hub is Nirn, the world that the series takes place on. The spokes are the Aedra, the <s>Nine</s> Eight Divines. The space between the spokes is Oblivion, where the Daedra reside. Mundus encompasses both Nirn, its moons and the realms of the Aedra. Now, if you were to turn the wheel 90 degrees, you'd be looking at the rim of the wheel so it resembles I (as in, the thin side of a disk). This is the Tower, the Secret of Aurbis, holder of the secret. CHIM. The wheel is the entire universe. Outside there exist only two forces: Anu and Padhome, stasis and change. Think a great void filled with only two bubbles: there where these bubbles touch exists the wheel. Now, the Tower is not something physical, but an ideal. Something that can be attained, conquered, stolen. For one to reside within the tower, is to know the truth of all that is. This was the revelation of Lorkhan's that made him want to create Nirn.<br />
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This truth is that everything is a dream. The supreme power in TES is the Godhead, the unknown creator of all. Everything, Aurbis, Anu, and Padomay - all created in the dreams of the Godhead. Attaining CHIM is to know this, the relentless alien terror that is God and your place in it. Everything you know, are and do is but a dream. Now, if you discover this one of two things can happen. The most common one is to realize you do and don't exist at the same time: you lose your individuality (you zero-sum) and become one with the dreamer, the Godhead, and you disappear in the proverbial puff of logic. The second option is the rare one: to realize that you are part of the Godhead, you *are* the Godhead. If everything is an extension of the same thing, and that the thing can reshape reality with a thought, being a dreamer within the dream.<br />
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If you thought that shit was meta, just you wait. The principles behind CHIM can be taken further to mean that the Godhead and its dreams are a metaphor for the computer running the game and the game itself. In-universe the metaphor of the godhead and being awake within the dream is needed to prevent characters who realize this from zero-summing out of existence at the resulting paradox. It can be inferred that a character who achieves CHIM essentially gains access to the console and the Construction Set. Talos used the Construction Set to retcon Cyrodiil from a jungle land into a generic European fantasy land (Talos has a terrible imagination). Vivec gave himself levitation abilities by using the console to erase the texture file for his chair (no seriously). Whether or not the player achieves CHIM varies. Generally when a player becomes fully immersed in the game, they do not have CHIM. However, a player who gets fed up of getting bugged by cliff racers every five seconds and installs a mod that removes them from the game is using CHIM. They are remembering that the world they are in is a game and altering it as they see fit. Exploits, mods, console commands, etc can all be explained in-universe as the player character achieving CHIM and using it to reshape reality or bend its rules... or all of that could be stupid speculation.<br />
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Meta as FUCK.<br />
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You can go deeper than that and find Amaranth though, but that is whole another level of [[mindfuck]].<br />
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'''It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine'''<br />
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We've mentioned a few times that the world of Nirn is slowing being destroyed by a few reasons. In a normal fantasy setting, this would be a terrible thing, and the hero must try and stop it; however, the Elder Scrolls isn't a normal fantasy setting. One of the dragons, Paarthurnax, mentions that when the world ends, Alduin, the first born of Akatosh, will/might simply recreate it, thus returning it to the point of creation. Granted he also states liking the current one is a good enough reason to fight Alduin (''that and the fact that Alduin is an absolute prick who would rather rule over the broken remains of the old one instead of actually doing his job'').<br />
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This is due to the Kalpic nature of Nirn; Kalpa is the time span from Convention to the end of the world, one turn of a wheel. Eventually, Alduin The World Eater grows in size and literally eats the world, turns the Kalpa like a wheel and everything resets back to the Convention, the moment when Heart of Lorkhan was torn out, time became linear. From that point on things can go differently in different Kalpas; for example, according to Seven Flights of Aldudagga, one Kalpa had Molag Bal as its ruler and Dreughs as the supreme race. That being said, it is possible to end the Kalpic cycle and destroy shit for good, hence what the Thalmor are trying to do. They also believe that this will make them Ada (Spirit/God) again.<br />
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In essence, the world might be ending, few care and fewer understand, and Elder Scrolls lore is more complicated than trying to keep track of the number of penises [[Slaanesh]] has at the moment.<br />
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'''Seriously?'''<br />
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Remember way at the beginning of this page, we said that how crazy the Elder Scrolls series is depends on if you take an ex-writer's blogposts as gospel? Well, if you don't, and only trust what you see in-game, it looks a bit like this.<br />
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The Godhead almost certainly doesn't exist. Neither does CHIM. Only two in-game sources claim it does; one is a colossal liar and the other is shown to be wrong about absolutely everything that comes out of his mouth. They're both bugfuck nuts and they both end up dead at your hands. The big historical event allegedly caused by CHIM could easily not have been. At least two alternate theories have been suggested: either the event never actually took place and was the result of a [[skub|transcription error]], which is boring, or the White-Gold Tower did it on its own after humans booted the elves from the Imperial City and moved in, which is not. Speaking of, the Tower thing is definitely true, because the plot of Oblivion is, broadly, that the bad guy shut one down and tore reality a new asshole. The Dragonbreak is an empirical event that happens within living memory; in Oblivion you can read the Imperial report on what the fuck happened in the last one (with the conclusion being that they still aren't sure and the only personal witness still alive vehemently refusing to tell), and you can see one happen in Skyrim. The kalpa thing is definitely happening, and you hear as much directly from the mouth of a time-spirit who knew Alduin personally. You meet Pelinal Whitestrake's ghost in a DLC questline, and he doesn't ''seem'' to be a robot, or even remotely crazy.<br />
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Mantling deserves special mention, even though it hasn't been mentioned anywhere else on the page. Basically, by adopting the mannerisms and vestments of something else, you become that something else, since oyu have become so like that thing that the universe itself has ceased to distinguish between the two of you. In a word: [[awesome|apotheosis]]. You mantle a daedric prince at the end of Shivering Isles, and use your new divine powers to kick the ass of another daedric prince. Have we mentioned that these games are really, really good and you should play them? SI also added the caveat that whatever you're mantling has to be either dead or gone in a big way for you to pull it off, and you're basically filling in its place in the universe.<br />
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==Gods, Deities and other important people==<br />
Most of the Gods in The Elder Scrolls are Et'Ada, the "original spirits" that came from the interplay of Anu and Padomay. These spirits later depending on their alignment with creation got categorized into Aedra and Daedra, if you took part in creation of Nirn you are Aedra, if you were egotistic dick and went to Oblivion to make your small shitty realm, you are Daedra. <br />
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===Supreme Gods===<br />
*'''The Godhead''': Everything in the setting is all just the the godhead's dream, if you believe all of the weird lore. Fully comprehending this fact will either cause you to lose your sense of individuality and disappear, or give you the ability to change the world around you like a lucid dreamer, or cause you to exit the universe and create your own. Anu and Padomay are the godhead's first creations.<br />
*'''Anu''': The personification of light, life, stasis, and order. Rarely is worshiped due to his lack of personality, but most religions acknowledge his existence. Hardly does anything because he removed himself and Padomay from reality to stop Padomay from causing more destruction.<br />
*'''Padomay:''' The personification of darkness, death, change, and chaos. In the beginning of the universe he attacked Anu and the spilled blood of the two became new gods. While also rarely worshipped, he—or rather, one of his self-projections, known as Sithis—is considered the patron of the Dark Brotherhood assassins. Some vampires and even regular Argonians are known to worship him under various names as well.<br />
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===Aedra===<br />
The Aedra (Our ancestors in Aldmeris) are Et'Ada of Anuic origin. Many of them took part in the creation of Nirn, during which they "died", their essences fused together into Mundus. As such they do not have "physical" forms like the Daedra have. Yet their spirits live on in Nirn: as the Gods of the world they live in every part of it. While not as "focused" as their Daedric counterparts they are more widespread, worshiped and give their blessings and artifacts more freely than the Daedra, plus they have control over one realm that everyone wants to have - Nirn.<br />
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Eight of the Aedra are worshipped in Tamriel as the Eight Divines (along with the human god-hero Tiber Septim, aka. Talos, to make the more assonant Nine Divines), a fusion of the old Nordic pantheon and the Aedra worshipped by the Ayleids:<br />
*'''Akatosh''': Also known as Auri-El to the Altmer, Alkosh to the Khajiit, and the father of the dragons, the chief deity of the Eight and the top god of the Cyrodiilic Empire as he represents duty, legitimacy, endurance and obedience (but his different identities also have additional roles. Akatosh proper is the god of time, but Auri-El is the god of the sun, which it is worth noting can be used as a timekeeping device. All the other gods also work like this, as Divinity in this setting is ''weird''). His artifacts are Auriel's Bow, and Auriel's Shield, which have completely different powers depending which game you are playing. In the Skyrim Dawnguard DLC, the bow infuses arrows fired from it with the power of the sun to do more damage to the undead, and the Shield can absorb energy from attacks it blocks and release it as wave similar to the Unrelenting Force shout. (If your first question was how one guy can wield both a shield ''and'' a bow, then take your Ritalin, because you obviously haven't been paying attention.)<br />
*'''Arkay''': Lord of the Wheel of Life, master of life and death, burials and funeral rites. Has two origin stories, the boring one is that he was one of the first Ehlnofey, or Earth Bones, and the not boring one, where he was a mortal shopkeeper obsessed with knowledge, who got his hands on a book that explained life and death and on his dearthbed prayed to Mara, who raised him up as a god to keep the balance of life and death in the universe. Arkay's priests are some of the fiercest necromancer hunters around, as those foul practices are an affront to their god.<br />
*'''Dibella''': Goddess of beauty, affection and the carnal and sexual aspects of love, as well as art and music. Effectively Nirn's equivalent of Aphrodite. She teaches that, "No matter the seed, if the shoot is nurtured with love, will not the flower be beautiful?" Oh boy. Her artifact is the Brush of Truepaint, which can turn a canvas into a portal to a world made of paint that the artist creates with their imagination.<br />
*'''Julianos''': God of wisdom and logic; literature, lore, history and contradiction are the domains of Julianos. Though Magnus is the god of magic, many wizards worship Julianos. The scholarly Bretons also hold a particular reverence for him. Monastic orders dedicated to Julianos are the keepers of the Elder Scrolls.<br />
*'''Kynareth''': Goddess of heavens, winds and the elements. Known as Kyne among the Nords and the widow of Shor. It is said that Kyne gifted men with the Thu'um so they could harness the power of dragons and save themselves from Akatosh's errant children. Her artifact is the Lord's Mail, a cuirass that grants its wearer healing, magicka absorption, and the ability to cure their self of poison.<br />
*'''Mara''': Goddess of agriculture, compassion, fertility, and the more romantic aspects of love. She is the one deity that is recognised by every culture on Tamriel. Among the Nords, Mara is Kyne's handmaiden and Shor's bit on the side. Among the Altmer, Bosmer and Bretons, Mara is the wife of Akatosh/Auri-El. Among the Redguards, Morwha was a fertility goddess with four arms to grab more husbands with. Among the now extinct Kothringi of Black Marsh, Mara was just one of three aspects to an older Mother goddess with Kynareth and Dibella as the other two aspects. As said above, Divinity in this setting is ''weird''. Whatever the case, weddings in Tamriel are overseen by priests of Mara.<br />
*'''Stendarr''': God of mercy, charity and justice. Apologist of men and patron deity of the Imperial Legion and many Breton knightly orders. Stendarr welcomes heretics, the afflicted, hopeless and forgotten just as readily as his devout followers. However his mercy ends at the enemies of mortals, the abhorrent and unnatural. Stendarr's priests are often hunters of lesser Daedra, lycanthropes, vampires and undead. Real bro-tier god overall. His artifact is Stendarr's Hammer, a hammer that increases the user's stamina and does incredible damage, but is also very fragile and far too heavy for a mortal to use.<br />
*'''Zenithar''': God of honest work and commerce. The "almighty dollar" taken to the end conclusion. Very strong ties to the people of Cyrodiil, and many in High Rock and Hammerfell too.<br />
*'''Talos''': NOT actually an Aedra, but worth mentioning as he is often placed among the other Eight. Talos, known in life as Tiber Septim and Ysmir to the Nords, is the greatest god-hero of mankind. He conquered all of Tamriel and ushered in the Third Empire of Cyrodiil at the end of the Second Era. When he died, his spirit supposedly ascended to godhood (and a quest in Oblivion lends support to this). As of the Fourth Era, Talos worship is banned in the Empire as per the terms of the White-Gold Concordat made with the Dominion, because the idea of a man becoming a god pisses the stupid sparkly prisses off to no end. That, and it is also likely that Talos is helping to hold the world together, and the Thalmor know this and want to starve him of worship, effectively destroying all Nirn to regain the divinity Lorkhan is said to have stolen from them. Fucking elves. Although worshipped mainly by the Nords during the 4th Era, his race is unknown, but he was most likely a Breton.<br />
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The Altmer also worship, or at least acknowledge, other Aedra that don't belong to the Eight Divines above, but are worshipped in most elven lands, these being:<br />
*'''Jephre''': The god of songs and forests and the spirit of Now, also called Y'ffre. He was one of the first spirits to become Ehlnofey, and set in place the rules of nature and life on Nirn. The Bosmer consider him their main god and he's the reason they're carnivores and cannibals.<br />
*'''Lorkhan''': The Creator-Trickster-Tester god present in every race's mythology. Known alternatively as Lorkhaj, Shor, Sheor, Sep, or Shezarr, every single version goes the same way: creation happens, other spirits and gods get pissed at him, he's bound, he's killed/torn to pieces/separated from his divine center and forced to wander the earth. His heart landed in Red Mountain, and was destroyed in Morrowind, and some say that his corpse became the two moons of Nirn.<br />
*'''Magnus''': The god of magic and the supposed architect of creation. When he realized what he made, he ran the fuck away, ripping a hole through creation to Aetherius, with this hole becoming the sun. Some part of him got caught in creation though, becoming the force of magic. He also had a host of assistants called the Magna-Ge, who ripped similiar holes in creation when running away, these becoming the stars. Very little lore exists about the Magna-Ge, and believe us [https://www.imperial-library.info/content/magne-ge-pantheon it reads like a mushroom trip.] His associated artifact is the Staff of Magnus, which has the power to drain magicka, and possibly the Eye of Magnus, a mysterious floating orb of incredible power whose purpose is unclear, though may have been one of the tools Magnus used to create the world.<br />
*'''Phynaster''': An Ancestor-God of the Altmer, though some Bretons also worship him, who taught them how to live another 100 years by using a shorter walking stride.<br />
*'''Syrabane''': Another Ancestor-God of the Altmer, who aided men in destroying the Sload kingdom of Thras. Often called the Apprentice's God, as the younger members of the Mage's Guild worship him.<br />
*'''Trinimac''': The warrior god of the ancient Aldmer, who lead armies against the men. He eventually got eaten by Boethiah and became Malacath (more below).<br />
*'''Xarxes''': The scribe to Auri-El, and the god of ancestry and secret knowledge. He made his wife Oghma ([[Oghma|no, not that one]]) from his [[Wat|favorite moments in history]]. Hermaemus Mora claims that Xarxes used to be his servant and created the Oghma Infinium, a massive book containing all knowledge that one desires.<br />
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===Daedra===<br />
"Not Our Ancestors" in Aldmeris and "Our stronger, better ancestors" in Dunmeris, the Daedra (singular: Daedroth, not to be confused with the crocodile-like Daedra called Daedroth) are the Et'Ada who did not partake in the creation of the world. Because they didn't quasi-suicide themselves to pour their essence into the world, their power is both more focused, but their power on Nirn is more limited compared to their Aedric counterparts. As such their powers are limited to the likes of curses and artifacts, and can only walk the realm in forms that severely limit their powers (or so they say).<br />
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Daedric Princes instead have their own singular realms, the Realms of Oblivion. A Daedric Prince is Omnipotent within their realm, because it is part of them and their mind. Their own realms are made out of them, similar to how Nirn is made out of Aedra; the Daedra are still fully alive and have much greater control over their own realm, but the tradeoff is that each realm is pretty small. Despite serving as the setting's "devils" (in that the word Daedra pretty much means Devil), they are not all completely evil. They range from "hates undead" and "wants to hunt dangerous game" to "prince of destruction" and "king of [[rape]]". Even if they are benevolent at times, the Daedra are not to be trifled with and are very dangerous.<br />
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* '''Azura:''' The Daedra associated with periods of change, twilight in particular, and magic and prophecy. Allegedly Nocturnal's sister, and one of the few Daedra not to be considered evil, though she is intensely prideful and easily aggravated, treating the Dunmer with a character not unlike how Old Testament Yahweh treated the 12 tribes of Israel. Azura is worshipped by the Dunmer and Khajiit, though she had a mutual hatred for the Dwemer. Her realm of Oblivion is Moonshadow, a beautiful place of silver cities, gardens, and perpetual twilight. Her artifact is Azura's Star, an item which can hold the souls of living creatures. If this sounds like the soul gem items found across the series, it is, but Azura's Star is a max capacity soul gem that doesn't get consumed upon use, and is thus reusable.<br />
* '''Boethiah:''' The Daedra associated with deceit, ambition, treachery, competition and sedition. Goes hand in hand with Mephala and is basically her louder sibling. Despite sounding like some kind of fucked up noble, Boethiah often takes the appearance of a patrician warrior (can be female, but usually male), and enjoys inflicting mayhem and bloodshed on mortals. Regarded by the Dunmer, either through worship or hatred. Some versions of their origin tale have all sorts of scholarly pursuits emerging from their teachings. Their realm is Attribution's Share (also known as Snake Mount), a place of [[Tzeentch|labyrinthine policies and betrayals]]. Their artifacts are Goldbrand, a high-end katana, and the Ebony Mail, high-end armor that cloaks the wearer in shadow and causes poison damage to those around them.<br />
*'''Clavicus Vile:''' The Daedra associated with wishes and pacts. He's the asshole genie who ensures that all the wishes and pacts are twisted so he comes out on top, usually while gaining the soul of the one foolish enough to deal with him. He appears as a jovial fellow with horns sprouting from his forehead, and is usually accompanied by '''Barbas''', a dog who holds half of Clavicus' power and functions as his conscience. His realm is the Fields of Regret, which, despite its name, is a tranquil countryside, dotted with cities of glass and ornate buildings. His artifacts are the Masque of Clavicus Vile, which makes its wearer more popular and likeable, and the Bittercup, a cup that enhances the owners strengths, while also exacerbating their weakness's.<br />
*'''Hermaeus Mora:''' The Daedra associated with fate and forbidden knowledge. Supposedly the sibling of Mephala, he seeks to gather and obtain as much knowledge as possible. He often appears as a collection of eyes, tentacles, and pincers. [[Call of Cthulhu|Proper Lovecraftian motherfucker]]. His realm is Apocrypha, an endless library filled with and made from books of forbidden knowledge, with seas of ink, alien geometries, and tentacles everywhere. His artifacts are the Black Books, which transport their reader to Apocrypha and can grant access to forbidden knowledge, and the Oghma Infinium, a tome that can allow one to achieve near-demigod level abilities.<br />
*'''Hircine:''' The Daedra associated with hunting and therianthropes. He created the many werebeasts that exist in Tamriel, and claims their souls upon death. He appears either as an animal or a man with the horns of a deer, unless he appears as a deer. His realm is the Hunting Grounds, a place of dense woodlands and vast grasslands, inhabited by daedra, beasts, and therianthropes, where werebears and Nords hunt by day, and Hircine along with a pack of werewolves hunts by night. His artifacts are the Saviour's Hide, a hide cuirass that makes the wearer more resistant to magic, and the Ring of Hircine, a ring that allows one to transform into a werewolf, if not already a lycanthrope, and lycanthropes to control their transformations. Unless they stole it, in which case the ring fucks them over by forcing them to transform at random.<br />
*'''Malacath:''' The Daedra associated with orcs, [[goblin]]s, [[ogre]]s, curses, and outcasts. ''Definitely'' a good daedra if you happen to be an Orc, but to other races he's benign at the best of times (although he's never outright malevolent to the degree of Molag or Mehrunes). He technically is not a daedric prince (and the other daedric princes don't count him as one of them, which is fitting for a patron of outcasts) because his origin makes him an aedra, but he often is counted as a daedric prince because he rules over a realm of Oblivion. Originally he was '''Trinimac''', one of the ancestor spirits of the Altmer, who was eaten by Boethiah and then shat out as Malacath, though he says the story is too literal minded, and there are those who say that Trinimac and Malacath are two separate deities. He appears as a muscular orc wielding a heavy weapon. His realm is Ashpit, a realm of dust and ash, dotted with palaces of smoke and gardens, where levitation and magical breathing are necessary to survive. His artifacts are the Scourge, a mace that banishes all daedra that make contact with it, and Volendrung, a Dwemer made warhammer.<br />
*'''Mehrunes Dagon:''' The Daedra associated with destruction, revolution, change, ambition, and energy. One of the more evil daedra, of whom little is known, and the antagonist of ''Battlespire'' and ''[[The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion|Oblivion]]''. He appears as a red-skinned giant with four arms, carrying a two-headed axe. His realm is the Deadlands (no, not [[Deadlands|that one]]), a hellscape of scorched, volcanic islands and ruined structures amidst a sea of lava, with hostile life living on the islands. He once was a good guy before a curse was put on him by Alduin for interfering with his devouring of the world. His artifact is Mehrunes' Razor, a dagger that has a [[Vorpal Sword| small chance of instantly killing whatever it cuts]].<br />
*'''Mephala:''' The Daedra associated with spiders, webs, [[Tzeentch|lies, secrets, plots]] and murder. Sibling to Hermaeus Mora, the Dunmer worship her as one of the "Good Daedra", with her having taught them the arts of stealth and assassination. The Morag Tong, the assassin's guild in Morrowind, worships her through murder. She often appears as a female of some form, but sometimes appears as a male. Her realm is the Spiral Skein, a wheel-shaped realm, with her palace in the middle, and the space between the "spokes" dedicated to one of eight sins. Her artifacts are the Ring of Khajiiti, a ring that makes its wearer faster and harder to detect, and the Ebony Blade, a life-leeching katana.<br />
*'''Meridia:''' The Daedra asssociated with light and the energies of living things, and one of the few non-evil Daedric Princes. She was originally believed to have been one of the Magna-Ge, the spirits that followed Magnus to Aetherius, but was cast out for consorting with daedra, eventually creating her realm by bending and shaping the light of the sun. She hates all undead with a passion, and usually rewards those who destroy them. She either appears as an orb of light, or a blonde-haired woman in a gown. Despite all this, she generally does not command popular worship due to her haughty, bitter and aloof manner, stemming from her exile from the magna-ge. The last time she threw her support behind a mortal race She made the mistake of being the patron of the Heartland High Elves of Cyrodil, who were into human slavery and were generally tyrants. They ended up being near exterminated. There are hints in the lore that Molag Bal is obsessed with her and caused her fall from heaven. Her realm is the Colored Rooms, a cross between a coral reef and a field of floating stones, strewn with colorful trails of dust/clouds. Her artifacts are the Ring of Khajiiti and the Dawnbringer, a sword that burns the undead and upon killing them makes them explode.<br />
*'''Molag Bal:''' The Daedra associated with domination, enslavement, rape, and vampires. Quite inarguably the most evil of the Daedric Princes, as he simply desires to harvest souls of mortals by inciting strife and discord among them. He also created the first vampire by raping a Nedic woman. He appears as a monstrous being of varying appearance, but usually has horns and hooves. His realm is Coldharbour, which is an apocalyptic and desolate reflection of Nirn where the air is freezing, every wall is smeared with blood and shit, and there are charnel houses and slave pens as far as the eye can see. His artifact is the Mace of Molag Bal, a mace that drains the energies of those it hits and traps their souls upon death. Main antagonist of both the original game and Elder Scrolls Online, with Mehrunes Dagon basically stealing his invasion plans. Seriously Mehrunes invades Nirn in the same ways in the same order.<br />
*'''Namira:''' The Daedra associated with ancient darkness, revulsion, and cannibals. Not much is known of her, other than she's associated with anything revolting, and her followers prefer to live in dark and squalid conditions. Her realm is the Scuttling Void, of which nothing is really known about. Her artifact is the Ring of Namira, a ring that boosts one health after cannibalizing a corpse, or reflects damage back onto the wearer's attacker.<br />
*'''Nocturnal:''' The Daedra associated with darkness, night, luck and thieves. Most thieves in Tamriel revere her to some degree, for obvious reasons, and the Thieves Guild reveres her as their patron. She appears often as a dark-haired woman in a hooded gown, accompanied by ravens. Her realm is Evergloam, a realm in perpetual twilight, consisting of a primary plane and constantly shifting pocket planes. Her artifacts are the Skeleton Key, a key/lockpick that can open anything from locks to portals to one's hidden potential, the Gray Cowl of Nocturnal, a cowl that hides the wearer's true identity and makes him a better thief, and the Bow of Shadows, a bow that can turn its wielder invisible.<br />
*'''Peryite:''' [[Nurgle]]'s less-jovial cousin, this is the Daedra associated with tasks, pestilence, and natural order. Peryite is considered one of the weakest Daedric Princes (not that ''any'' daedric prince can be called "weak" by mortal standards), and is charged with keeping the lower realms of Oblivion and the lesser daedra in line. He often appears as a green, four-legged dragon, but sometimes appears as ghostly apparitions of vermin. His realm is The Pits, which resembles Molag Bal's Deadlands in its landscape. His artifact is the Spellbreaker, a Dwemer shield that can reflect magic.<br />
*'''Sanguine:''' Basically just a less-rapey or /d/isgusting [[Slaanesh]]. The Daedra associated with hedonism, debauchery, indulgence, and revelry. He's often depicted on seals and signs of brothels and whorehouses. He appears as a portly dremora, with a bottle in one hand and a whore in another. His realms are the Myriad Realms of Revelry, countless pocket realms that are fashioned to meet the needs and demands of their visitors. His artifact is the Sanguine Rose, a rose-shaped staff/staff-sized rose that summons a dremora to fight for its owner.<br />
*'''Sheogorath:''' Everyone's favorite, this is the lolrandom [[Chaotic Stupid]] Daedra associated with madness and creativity. There are many stories and legends about him, like how he invented music from [[Rip and tear|the body parts of a woman he killed]] and how he trolled every one of the other Daedric Princes at various points. He appears as an elderly, well-dressed gentleman with a nice beard and a cane. His realm is the Shivering Isles, a landmass surrounded by islands that's divided in two, to represent both shades of madness. His artifact is the Wabbajack, a staff that does something completely random when used. He is distinguishable from other daedra by the fact that Old Sheogorath was basically a result of Jyggalag getting his ass kicked by the other daedric princes and New Sheogorath was mortal at one point. The Hero of Kvatch is named the new Sheogorath by a grateful Jyggalag once his curse is lifted, and going by Sheogorath's dialogue in ''Skyrim'' as well as him fondly remembering his other adventures back then, this event is canon.<br />
**'''Jyggalag:''' The [[Lawful Stupid]] Daedra associated with logic, order, and deduction. Originally, he was the most powerful of the Daedric Princes, but the others cursed him to become Sheogorath, who represented everything he hated. The curse did allow him to return at the end of every era, leading the event known as the "Greymarch" and obliterating the Shivering Isles only to revert back to Sheogorath and start the process all over again. This seemingly neverending cycle of torment finally ended when Sheogorath managed to lure the Hero of Kvatch to the Shivering Isles and successfully train them to halt the Greymarch and take up the mantle of Madgod. By the end of the Shivering Isles expansion, Jyggalag is defeated by the protagonist, thus finally lifting the curse. He then heads off to parts unknown, but not before naming the Hero of Kvatch as the new Sheogorath. He has yet to make a reappearance in the games despite his DLC being canon. He appears as a giant, gray knight wielding an XBOXHUEG fuckoff sword.<br />
*'''Vaermina:''' The Daedra associated with dreams and nightmares. One of the more evil daedra, with some saying that torture also belongs to her sphere of influence. She appears as an old woman in a robe, wielding a staff. Her realm is Quagmire, a nightmarish realm where Vaermina draws the minds of mortals, collecting their memories and leavings nightmares in return. Her artifact is the Skull of Corruption, a staff that creates a clone of the target, who then attacks its original.<br />
<br />
===Other Divinities===<br />
Et'Ada and other gods that don't belong to either group also exist. Some of the more important ones being:<br />
<br />
*'''Alduin:''' The firstborn of Akatosh and his destroyer aspect, who most believed was just the Nordic version of Akatosh. His job is to bring about the end of the current kalpa so that the next one may begin, but by the time of Skyrim, he's decided to just rule over the world. You defeat him at the end of Skyrim, but unlike any other dragon, his soul is ''not'' absorbed by the dragonborn, leaving many believing he'll return one day to do his job properly.<br />
*'''All-Maker:''' Another name for Anu. The god of the Skaal and the source of all life, the Skaal believe that when you die you go to him, and he reincarnates you as new being. Oneness, or harmony, with nature is important, as the Skaal draw their magical powers from it and it pleases the All-Maker. Opposing him is '''The Adversary''', a many aspected god who torments and tests the Skaal.<br />
*'''Dagoth Ur:''' The main antagonist of Morrowind, he was once the trusted advisor of Nerevar until he experimented with the Heart of Lorkhan and managed to draw power from it. By the events of the game he is properly batshit loopy with divinity, and also without question the most dangerous thing on Nirn because he exists within a terrifying middle-ground between CHIM, Zero Sum and Amaranth - he has godlike power because of his awarness of Anu's dream but cannot maintain his individuality or fade into the Dream, so his broken, traumatised mind is being slowly imprinted on the dream of Anu. Nevertheless, he seemingly dies by the hand of Nerevar's reincarnation after you sever his connection to the heart. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPAuvfqocFY Affable and almost as infinitely quotable as Sheogorath.]<br />
*'''Fa-Nuit-Hen:''' Demiprince (read: Daedric demigod) of swordsmanship and son of Boethiah. Taught then unborn Vivec how to fight by combining with seven other daedra called ''Barons Who Move Like This'' and [[Wat|turning into a pillar of fighting styles]]. You meet him in ESO where you help restore his failing memory.<br />
*'''The Ideal Masters:''' Once mortal spellcasters during the Merethic era, they forsook their mortality and physical forms to become beings of pure soul energy. In the process however, they found they had become filled with a terrible hunger for souls. The Ideal Masters are the source of all soul gems, and of the arts of soul-trapping, and therefore enchantment. Their private realm within Oblivion, the Soul Cairn, is where ''every'' soul that is ever trapped in a Soul Gem goes. They rarely bother manifesting at all, though a few gigantic crystals in the Cairn channel their influence and their hunger. Their name comes from their belief that, by removing mortal souls from the cycle of rebirth and trapping them in eternal undeath, they are ultimately granting all beings eternal peace... and there is a small amount of evidence to support this. Despite all this, they aren't really ambitious, and they even helped the hero of ''Battlespire'' because they were tired of Mehrunes Dagon driving across their lawn on the way to the mortal world.<br />
*'''Mannimarco:''' An old and powerful Altmer [[necromancer]] and [[lich]], supposedly [[Vecna|became the god of necromancy after the events of Daggerfall and returns as the main antagonist]] for the Mages Guild questline in Oblivion.<br />
*'''Morihaus:''' Demigod son of Kynareth who appeared as a winged man-bull. Help Alessia overthrow the Ayleids and establish the Alessian Empire. Also the supposed progenitor of [[minotaur]]s, having been born from the union of him and Alessia.<br />
*'''Numidium:''' We're stretching the definition of "divine being" here, but there are little other ways to describe this thing. Numidium is a massive robot built by the Dwemer to act as a god for their race. Constructed by their finest engineer Kagrenac (which says a lot given how ludicrously advanced the Dwemer were compared to everyone else in the setting) and powered by the Heart of Lorkhan itself, it was so awe-inspiringly powerful that it warped the laws of existence every time someone tried to turn it on. The first victims of this quirk were the Dwemer themselves, who attemped to use Numidium in a battle against the Chimer which ended in the Dwemers disappearance. The original Numidium ended up falling into the hands of the Tribunal, who replaced the Heart of Lorkhan with much a less potent, but still sufficient power source (not least because they abused the Heart to become divine beings themselves) and gifted it to Tiber Septim when he was about to conquer Morrowind. Tiber Septim in turn used Numidiums power to quickly force the High Elves into surrender, something that they are still very bitter about thousands of years later. After Tiber Septims time, Numidium was destroyed and forgotten about; until the device Tiber Septim used to control Numidium resurfaced in Iliac Bay resurfaced and became the central MacGuffin that your PC and all factions lust after during the events of TES II: Daggerfall. As the PC finds the Totem of Tiber Septim and reactivates Numidium along with its reality-altering powers time gets fucked so hard for two weeks that no one was quite sure what even had transpired, but the Iliac Bay was suddenly at peace and under Imperial Control, so... justice was served...? The first Numidium, along with the PC from Dagger, vanished. Dagoth Ur attempted to construct a second Numidium under Red Mountain during the events of TES III: Morrowind, this time with the Heart of Lorkhan, spawning the central conflict of that game. <br />
*'''The Tribunal:''' Also known as the Almsivi, they were originally three Chimer, the predecessors of Dunmer, Almalexia, Sotha Sil, and Vivec, and counselors to Nerevar, who also stole their powers from the Heart of Lorkhan, and promptly ruled over the Dunmer from early/mid First Era to the end of the Third Era. Almalexia eventually went insane and killed Sotha Sil, the Nerevarine killed her, and Vivec got dragged to Oblivion during the events of Oblivion. Without the influence of the Tribunal, the Red Mountain erupted and Morrowind promptly went to shit.<br />
*'''Tsun:''' The Nordic god of trials against adversity and Shor's shield-thane, he died fighting against foreign (read: elven) gods and was then assigned to be the guardian of the whalebone bridge leading to the Hall of Valor in Sovngarde. You get fight him for your right to enter the hall in Skyrim.<br />
*'''Sithis''': Another name for Padomay. The primordial manifestation of Chaos and Entropy. Exists somewhere outside of the bounds of the cosmos and is practically feared by nearly everyone, given that it represents death and the eventual end of all things. Inhabits a pocket-dimension called the Void. The Dark Brotherhood have a peerless connection to Sithis (the only entities who come close are actually trees known as Hist), and all things slain through their assassinations ends up in its realm. Basically the God of Many Faces from [[A Song of Ice and Fire|ASOIAF]] mixed with [[Mythology#Deities of Destruction|Shiva, the Hindu god of destruction]]. To contact Sithis, one must perform the Black Sacrament (an offering of human flesh, bones, and heart). If Sithis accepts, it passes on the information about the Sacrament and who it was intended for, to the Night Mother, a now-mummified corpse that is intimately connected to Sithis, who then in turn will pass it on to the leader of the Dark Brotherhood, called the Listener (named that way because only listeners can actually hear what the Night Mother says) and then passes the contract on to the field operatives of the Dark Brotherhood.<br />
<br />
==Races==<br />
[[File:Tamriel.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Tamriel, shown alongside the now sunken islands of Yokuda, the original home of the Redguards, and Pyandonea, a land inhabited by the Maormer, sea elves.]]<br />
The first two Elder Scrolls games had eight playable races; the three after that added Imperials and Orcs as playable races. There's also a ton of unplayable races as well, but UESP can explain them better than us. <br />
<br />
The races of Tamriel are generally divided into three categories; the races of Men are the various ethnicities of [[human]], the Mer races are the different species of [[elf]], and the [[Beastmen]] are the races native to Tamriel.<br />
<br />
===Men===<br />
*'''Akaviri/Tsaesci:''' Fantasy Japanese. Not directly presented in game, but their spirits may be seen in certain missions. Left a significant mark in imperial history, as Akaviri invaders were on a mission of search of Dragonborn, which turned out to be founder of the second Empire, Reman. They swore allegiance to him and served as elite guard of his descendants. These names are interchangeably used, but some sources imply that Akaviri and Tsaesci are actually different group of people, with Tsaesci being snake like, even naga, perhaps. As for how is it possible to have snek humans, well, dwarves and orks and most bizarrely, some imply that Khajiit are simply a subspecies of elves here, so just roll with this. One source suggests the human Akaviri were "devoured" by the Tsaesci but whether that means they were literally all [[Vore|eaten]] or simply enslaved or culturally assimiliated is anyone's guess.<br />
*'''Bretons:''' Best described as [[Half-Elf|half-elves]] from [[Bretonnia]], right down to the similar name to the latter. Probably the least badass of the humans here (which is all relative - many great heroes throughout Tamriel's history were Bretons including several of Cyrodiil's Emperors and the unnamed knight from the ESO cinematics) but they are still the most gifted with magic because of their elf blood. They even get a magic resistance out of the deal. True to the French stereotype, they're great cooks but also a bit snobby. Their home province of High Rock isn't even a united kingdom, but rather a [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|patchwork quilt of petty kingdoms, embroiled in political conflict]] and usually only tangentially aligned with the Empire at the best of times.<br />
**'''Reachmen:''' Tribal people of Breton descent native to The Reach. The Celts to Bretonnians above. Used to rule a bunch of petty kingdoms in the area before being subjugated by the Alessian Empire first, and later by Tiber Septim. By the Fourth Era they tried to take the Reach again but Ulfric Stormcloak put a stop to that in the now infamous "Markarth Incident" that gave rise to the Stormcloak Rebellion. Now split between those trying to just live their lives in peace, and the Forsworn, raiders who went back to the old ways of using fur and hide armor, weapons of stone, bone, and wood, and worshipping the Daedra and venerating hagravens (witches who gave their humanity to become powerful spellcasters).<br />
*'''Imperials:''' Also known as the "Cyrodiils", the Imperials are a civilised and cosmopolitan people, more or less Roman in culture, but in very early lore they were actually Mesoamerican, and their ancestors the Nedes were ancient Chinese and some still [[Weeaboo|see themselves as ethnically Akaviri]]. Like practically all humans in fantasy settings, they're average at nearly everything, control the world, and are kind of boring compared to everyone else. They've forged three continent-spanning empires in their history, the first with the help of an actual Terminator (Schwarzenegger, not [[Terminator|these guys]]) and the third by using a time-bending magical giant robot. They've also had a space race with the Altmer to colonise Masser and Secunda, and exchanged threats of orbital bombardment. Yes, really. Surprisingly, for most of the Third Era, most Emperors were not Imperials, but Bretons.<br />
*'''Nedes:''' The progenitors of the Bretons and Imperials, and possibly the Nords. Where they came from is [[Skub|a matter of lively debate]], with the competing theories stating they either arrived on Tamriel long before the Nords, or else were the Atmoran ancestors of the Nords. Though since the Nords believe that they originated in Tamriel (When Kyne breathed them to life from the Throat of the World) one explanation is that Nords descend from the Nedes who left for Atmora then returned and the other humans (aside from Redguards) descend from those who stayed. What is known is that while on Tamriel they took beatings from just about everyone, notably the Redguards wiping them from Hammerfell and the Ayleids enslaving them across Cyrodiil.<br />
*'''Nords:''' On the surface, basically [[Norsca|manly as all hell, magic and elf-hating not-Vikings from the frozen land of Skyrim]]. Under the surface, a [[Chaotic Stupid|deeply intolerent, xenophobic and warlike people that would have ran their society into extinction long ago if they hadn't been conquered by smarter people]]. Tend to be very very badass because they have to live in an inhospitable hellhole with bears, sabre-tooth cats, trolls, giants, big nopey frost spiders the size of bears and they also fought and killed almost all the dragons in the past. [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Their ancestors, the Atmorans, nearly exterminated the entire Snow Elf race with just five hundred warriors despite being basically cavemen with no understanding of agriculture or the written language, going up against a iron age civilisation with magic]]. The Nords then fell in line behind a badass named King Vrage the Gifted and went full [[Genghis motherfucking Khan]] on Tamriel, conquering a vast empire that fell apart when his grandson Borgas died and Skyrim fell into a succession crisis. Not much happened afterwards - the Nords fought, won and lost a few wars against the Dunmer, the Dwemer, the Akaviri and themselves until Tiber Septim rocked up and folded them into his Third Empire. <br />
**'''Skaal:''' Nords native to Solstheim. Split between those trying to live like the Nords of olden times (read: fighting, drinking, and hunting like there's no tomorrow), and those living in harmony with nature and worshipping the All-Maker through it.<br />
*'''Redguard:''' Fantasy Moors/Africans, but with the sword reverence of the Japanese. Skilled warriors hailing from the sunken islands of Yokuda, which they apparently nuked out of existence by being so good with a sword they could cut individual atoms, and the only guys to have invented gunpowder (''Daggerfall'' mentions their ships have cannon). Redguards are some of the greatest sailors in Tamriel, and they tend to scorn magic due to religious taboos against necromancy and their many past wars with the magic-proficient Bretons. This dislike faded over time and by the 4th era, Destruction and Restoration magic have obtained widespread acceptance due to their straightforwardness.<br />
<br />
===Mer (Elves)===<br />
*'''Altmer ([[High Elves]]):''' Every stereotype of Elves being narcissistic pricks, amplified a hundredfold, which either makes them a good non-Tolkien take or an especially insufferable one, depending on who you ask. As of the Fourth Era, their home of Summerset Isle (now Alinor) is governed by the Thalmor, who are out to unravel all creation because they believe mortality was a cruel trick played on them by the gods of Men (and no, this belief is not just some quirk of the Thalmor, the ancient Aldmer believed this as well). While always arrogant, in the 4th era, [[Nazi|they practice eugenics, wear long black coats, kill any undesirable progeny, and have a populist government that's nakedly intolerant to a genocidal degree]]. It is suggested that they don't even have names among themselves, they just assign each other a long number that sounds like a name to human ears (but ''Elder Scrolls Online: Summerset'' reveals that this is just propaganda, and Altmer names actually consist of long strings of surnames based on ancestors and relatives). Their culture is like a strange fusion of ancient Greece, feudal Japan, and upper-class England, and almost every Altmer you meet will either be some kind of a wizard or a magical warrior. For all that, not ''all'' Altmer are dicks, with many that live outside of Thalmor finding their kin as unbearable as everyone else does. If you opt to play as one such Altmer who isn't a complete asshole, you're effectively the Drizzt of the setting.<br />
*'''Ayleids (Heartland High Elves):''' An offshoot race from the Aldmer, the ancestors of the Altmer. Notable for being the original founders of the Imperial City and the founders of the first empire in Tamriel. Also notable for worshipping the Daedra and torturing their Nedic slaves in nightmare fuel ways for shits and giggles ([[Dark Eldar|like skinning runaways alive, making gardens and sculptures out of their guts and bones, setting human children on fire, that kind of thing]]). If the Imperials are Romans then the Ayleids were the Etruscan kings who ruled Rome prior to the founding of the Roman Republic. The Nedes eventually rebelled under leadership of Alessia and exterminated large portions of them, while the remaining Ayleids who refused to fight would live as vassals of the newly formed First Empire of humanity. Then, after a while, a literal intellectual gorilla formed a sect which basically stated that men should have exterminated every single elf, thus the remaining Ayleids fled to other elven lands and were absorbed into the other elven races, and the forests of Cyrodiil where they split into many tribes and kept away from others.<br />
*'''Bosmer ([[Wood Elves]]):''' Wood Elves in the [[Dwarf Fortress]] sense, only not quite as insane. They are some of the greatest archers in Tamriel and they have a long history of warring with the Khajiit. They also happen to be cannibals because of an ancient pact they made with the forest god Y'ffre forbidding them from eating plant matter on pain of turning into [[Chaos Spawn|That Which Shall Not Be Named]], so they are the total opposite of the "vegan elf" stereotype. They have been known to use the aforementioned transformation trick ''en masse'' if their homeland of Valenwood is threatened. Unsurprisingly, Bosmer have no understanding of woodworking and brew alcohol from animal sources, ranging from pigs' milk to the fermented flesh of their dead enemies. Hardcore. (As a note on the cannibalism thing, you don't actually have to worry about getting shanked and eaten by every wood elf you <s>meat</s> meet, it's just their standard means of dealing with dead bodies. You also needn't do this yourself if playing as a Wood Elf).<br />
*'''Dunmer ([[Dark Elves]]):''' Elves with a blue-grey tint to their skin who got cursed by one of their Daedric patrons for complex reasons. Their culture is a bizarre mish-mash of China, Japan, Mongolia, ancient Mesopotamia and the Biblical Israelites, with northern English accents (and a distinct gravelly voice for the men). They primarily revere the Daedra along with the Tribunal, three mortals who ascended to godhood by tapping into the Heart of Lorkhan. Since they joined the Empire by treaty instead of by conquest, their homeland of Morrowind has many unique laws, including [[Inquisitors]] and (till the tail end of the 3rd Era) legalized slavery. Highly supremacist and xenophobic, the Fourth Era has bitten them in the arse hard as most of Morrowind was devastated by volcanic eruption and their Argonian slaves have occupied what's left, leaving most surviving Dunmer as unwelcome refugees. How the mighty have fallen.<br />
*'''Dwemer ([[Dwarves|Deep Elves]]):''' Yes, you're reading this right, Dwarves are an Elf sub-type in this setting, specifically Elves who lived in the northern mountain ranges and studied the process of creation in great detail, becoming the most advanced race to have existed. They figured out steam power and electricity, created steam-/electrically/soulgem-powered automata, and invented Tonal Architecture, the manipulation of sound to alter reality. Even though they are for all intents and purposes dwarves, they were actually human-sized - they were called dwarves by the giants of Tamriel. A very strong contender for the single most badass race in Tamrielic history, besides the early Nords and the modern Argonians. Their belief system was terrifyingly alien even to the other inhabitants of the continent and they were seen as arrogant and dogmatic, hated and dreaded by every other race they met. They were [[Fedora Masters RPG|atheists]] in a world where the existence of the gods is indisputable fact, which should tell you all you need to know about how crazy (and also kind of badass) they were. Relatively early into the First Era, all Dwemer on Nirn disappeared after they activated the Numidium, a massive time-bending robot powered by the Heart of Lorkhan. There are multiple hypotheses to explain the exact mechanism of their disappearance: they may have become the armoured skin of Numidium or the metaphysical concept of negation itself, ascended to another plane outside of Aetherius where not even Vivec can sense them, sent themselves forward in time, or just botched their attempt at reforging themselves into gods at the "reduce ourselves to base elements" part of the process, going ''poof'' as a result.<br />
*'''Falmer ([[Snow Elves]]):''' Light-haired and pale-skinned elves originally native to Skyrim, they got their asses kicked so hard by the Atmorans they went into hiding, with most going to the Dwemer for shelter. What the Dwemer didn't tell them was that "shelter" meant "being enslaved and forced to eat addictive toxic fungi that make you blind (and not the manageable "grey-eyes-blindness", no, it's full on "your eyelids grow together"-Hellraiser-style blindness)" to the point that they lost their sentience and their souls became white like those of animals. A small number of Falmer did escape being wiped out by the Atmorans or enslaved by the Dwemer in an isolated part of Skyrim, until one of them ended up becoming a [[Vampire]] and went crazy with anger at being cut off from his god and killed all of the others except for his brother. After the player kills him in the Dawnguard DLC, his brother may be the last remaining uncorrupted Falmer in existence (unless there are any others who found even better hiding places). He still believes his betrayed kin can be saved, though.<br />
*'''Orsimer ([[Orcs]]):''' Also known as the "Pariah Elves", descended from a race of Elves who got screwed over by Daedric faggotry. Most Orsimer live assimilated into other cultures or in destitute and isolated strongholds, akin to native reservations, far out in the wilderness. Every time they tried to (re)build their city-state of Orsinium somewhere in High Rock or Hammerfell, the Bretons or Redguards came and knocked it over, and as of the Fourth Era, Orsinium exists somewhere on the Skyrim-Hammerfell border. Due to all the shit they've taken, the Orcs developed a warrior culture and also became renowned blacksmiths. Their martial prowess is such that even the Nords wish they could be as hardcore - but rather than eternal enmity, this created an odd friendship between the two races. Finally, it is worth noting that at the time of the first two games, they [[/pol/|weren't even considered people]] by Tamrielic culture, but by the time of Oblivion nobody would think twice about walking into a shop to find that it was run by an orc any more than they would a shopkeeper of any of the other playable races.<br />
<br />
===Beastmen===<br />
[[File:Khajiit Family.jpg|300px|thumb|right|A family of Khajiit. Given how these things work it is very possible that the housecat that the catgirl is holding is the father of the tiger in the back. TES is weird like that.]]<br />
*'''Argonians:''' A race of warm-blooded lizard people, well-spoken and skilled as both warriors and mages. Have a weird connection to omniscient networked spore-trees known as the Hist: they may or may not be a genetically-engineered servant race mind-linked to the Hist, as hinted by Argonians starting their lives as perfectly ordinary lizards that only gain sapience and humanoid physique upon licking Hist sap. Despite being weirdos and the targets of discrimination, they have an unbreakable hold on their homeland. Even Tiber Septim never truly conquered Black Marsh; he just barely secured some of the border towns and called it a win, which the Argonians didn't care enough to contest. During the Oblivion Crisis, the invading Daedra were eventually forced to close their interdimensional portals [[Awesome|because the Argonians were counter-invading fire-and-brimstone Hell]]. When they aren't deploying wave tactics or sending child assassins to pre-emptively cut off the enemy leadership, Argonians are masters of Viet Cong-style jungle warfare and invading Black Marsh is about as big a military mistake as challenging Britain to a naval war or marching on Russia in winter, as the province is a veritable [[Catachan|green hell where every blade of grass conceals an angry lizardman just waiting to spear you to death or drag you under the mud and drown you, if your feet or eyes don't rot first]]. [[Lizardmen|In short, they're all-around badass reptile-men who live in swampland, can take down all-comers, and even won bouts against Hell itself]].<br />
*'''[[Catfolk|Khajiit]]:''' Technically related to Elves, but hard to tell by looking because they have many different forms that are determined at birth by the waxing and waning of Masser and Secunda: some Khajiit look like Bosmer, some like furries, some look like housecats except they can talk and use magic, and some get to be completely badass horse-sized tigers, named Battlecats by the Imperials. They are skilled desert raiders, merchants and farmers. Their culture is basically the Romani outside of their homeland, and South/Southeast Asian within. The prime Khajiiti export is Moon Sugar, a substance that can be best described as magical opium made from crystallised moonlight. Like the Argonians they are a prime target for racism, and like the Argonians they responded by becoming skilled guerilla warriors, [[Tallarn|except flavoured like the Mujahideen]] instead of the Viet Cong.<br />
<br />
===Other===<br />
*'''Giants''': Giant humanoids said to be descended from the ancient Atmorans (which would make them and the modern Nords distant cousins, funnily enough) that after an undisclosed calamity grew in height at the cost of their intelligence. Generally a quite chill, nomadic people, unless you piss them off by annoying them or just looking wrong at their primary domesticated livestock, Mammoths. That said, big numbers of them can cause a lot of trouble for humans and frequently find themselves as targets of bounty hunters or armies. Some more "traditionally" minded Nords also like to hunt them for sport. <br />
*'''Dragons''': Dragons are the timeless children of Akatosh, with Alduin as their leader. Their origin is kind of like a Big-Bang-Theory-ordeal that is complicated to explain. Used to be safekeepers of the flow of time in the world, until Alduin betrayed his purpose and enslaved the Ancient Nords during the Merethic Era, installing an unimaginably dystopic regime under the leadership of the Dragon Cult and its Priests. Said Dragon Cult also built the many tombs your PC steps through in Skyrim. Their way of communicating involves imparting a piece of your soul with every word you speak, using shouts with quite substantial effects on the physical world, which makes fighting and debating between them the exact same thing. Due to a quirk of fate, some mortals can be born as Dragonborn, mortals with the soul of a Dragon, that are able to absorb the soul of a Dragon (and therefore erasing its very existence from time itself) and become more powerful from it. True Dragonborn, however, are extremely rare, with only a handful ever being mentioned in recorded history, including Tiber Septim, the First Emperor and sometimes entire generations going by without one appearing. Moreover, normal mortals are also quite capable of learning how to use shouts, extreme caution and a tremendous amount of training provided, the Dragonborn is merely a natural prodigy at this. They were for the longest time thought to be extinct after the Ancient Nords rose up in revolt against Alduin and his Dragon Cult and seemingly killed a lot of them, only with their plan to kill Alduin failing. Their Plan B was to banish Alduin into another plane of existence with the help of an Elder Scroll, but the plan failed and Alduin was merely sent forward in time by about 5000 years, setting the events of TES 5: Skyrim into motion. While the majority of Dragons seem to be firmly unified behind Alduins leadership, there are quite a couple of them that retained their own agency, like the Dragon Paarthurnax who pitied the Nords while being very turned off by Alduin declaring himself a god and gifted them his knowledge about using Shouts, or the semi-undead Dragon Durnehviir who dabbled in Necromancy and was subsequently tricked by the Ideal Masters who keep him as their enforcer within the Soul Cairn. <br />
*'''Vampires''': Undead, classic gothic horror vampires for the most part. Their origins lie in the unspeakable act of Molag Bal literally and figuratively raping a Nedic woman to her death and damning her to eternal servitude in unlife. Vampires live in hidden covens among mortals in the world, greatly enjoying pulling the strings behind political affairs of the world and generally just going around sucking people dry. Becoming a Vampire typically involves getting bitten by one, which transmits various germs that make up the root cause of vampirism itself. Vampires that don't dwell amongst the living tend to gather in cult-like structures, with the most senior Vampire at the top. Above all of them stand the Vampires that can trace their lineage back to the original Daughter of Coldharbor (aforementioned Woman that was raped) and openly worship Molag Bal as a god, which earns them special powers. There is also the option for mortals who pledge themselves to Molag Bal to repeat the ritual that gave birth to the first vampire. Nearly all of Tamriel despises Vampires and hunts them down without mercy when found out, especially those who worship the god of Mercy, Stendarr, but they are occasionally tolerated, even if their vampirism remains an open secret to some.<br />
*'''Draugr''': Draugr occupy a middle ground in terms of undeath between the fully autonomous Vampires with their own ambitions and the fully lobotomized shells necromancers conjure. They are the embalmed footsoldiers of the Dragon Cult, who in life pledged their souls to its priests for eternal life. In spite of their undead condition, they remain quite lively when left alone, even if their free will is diminished greatly and their souls are mere fragments that get slowly leeched away by the Dragon Priests who need this kind of spiritual nourishment to retain their abilities and consciousness. To cite an allegory, regular Undead work like computers that need input to do something, while Draugr are running on an sophisicated AI (needing input to do anything vs somewhat satient but very predictable). The extremely long time they spent buried in various tombs in Skyrim and Cyrodiil had their physical capabilities reduced, yet they remain fearsome adversaries for anyone who is daring (or foolish) enough to disturb their masters peace.<br />
*'''Dragon Priests''': Technically not a race on their own, they are different and important enough to at least merit a mention. The Dragon Priests were the leaders of the Dragon Cult, numbering 14 in total. Their sole responsibility was to keep the enslaved Nords in line and under Anduins control, while regularly partaking in joyous activities such as necromancy, dark magic and human sacrifices. Each and everyone of them was and is a master at Spellcasting and commanding their Legions of Draugr, who keep them sustained by slowly leeching away at the Draugrs souls. The most powerful of them was Miraak, who, in addition to being Dragonborn, made a pact with Hermaerous Mora, to take control of the Dragons themselves and subsequently betrayed the Dragon Cult only to return thousands of years later on Solstheim.<br />
<br />
==Games==<br />
Though several spinoffs were made, when referring to "The Elder Scrolls" only the five central games are being referred to.<br />
<br />
===The Elder Scrolls I: Arena===<br />
Jagar Tharn, the Imperial Battlemage and trusted servant of the Emperor Uriel Septim VII turns evil, locks the Emperor inside Oblivion, and takes over Tamriel. His apprentice Ria Silmane discovered this and told the player, so Tharn killed the former and imprisoned the latter. Yet Silmane persisted, and helped the player escape prison and revealed how Tharn could be destroyed: by recovering the eight parts of the Staff of Chaos from all over the empire. The player succeeds, kills Tharn, returns the Emperor and all is well. This was the only game where the player could visit all of Tamriel.<br />
<br />
===The Elder Scrolls II: Daggerfall===<br />
The player, a personal friend of the Emperor, is sent to the city of Daggerfall, High Rock to investigate a haunting by the ghost of the former king. Things quickly get out of hand when you discover the Numidium, a massive golem used by Tiber Septim to gain control over Tamriel. There are several mutually exclusive endings possible; canon opted to [[what|make them all happen]] in an event called the Warp in the West, a Dragon Break, which is a specific type of event where divine fuckery causes [[FATAL|time and space to take it up the ass hard]]. Holds the record for the largest virtual world ever created, being about two times the size of the UK, although due to technical limitations, most of it was copy-and-paste.<br />
<br />
Daggerfall nowadays is an interesting beast even when compared with modern Open-World-RPGs, not least because of its massive scope and the procedurally populated world. On one hand, you see every house and every NPC replicated tenthousandfold, which makes it a bit repetetive at times, on the other hand, the procedural nature of the game make it the ideal blank canvas for roleplayers who wish for nothing more than to be thrust into a world with nothing but their own imagination. Add to that that Daggerfall hides many, many inticate systems under its hood that far were ahead of its time and despite the copy-and-paste nature, still feels like a living, breathing world that is fully believable and very immersive. Simply put; it's less of an RPG and more of a fully-fledged fantasy life-simulator where you can do everything you goddamn choose to do, from dungeon crawling to exploring and even buying a fucking Galleon for yourself. The downside is that many of these intricate systems are ''very'' unintuitive by modern standards, to say the least, a relic of a period in game design where genres were not yet clarly defined and experimentation was rampant. It is fairly unique and this anon highly recommends you giving it a shot - just be sure to look up some tutorials. <br />
<br />
As an added benefit, Bethesda officially released Daggerfall for free, both on its own website and on Steam. That's right, you can just up and go, download the 80 Megabytes of files and become a part of this unique experiment. But wait, there is more! A group of ardent hardcore fans of Daggerfall banded together and converted the entire game into the Unity engine, which makes it even possible to run on modern systems in the first place while also improving the notoriously fickle stability of the original game and adding full mod support on top of that.<br />
<br />
===The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind===<br />
[[File:Morrowind.jpg|300px|thumb|right|If you can explain at least 75% of what's going on on this image, you are a true fan.]]<br />
{{Main|The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind}}<br />
Morrowind ships the player to the island of Vvardenfell, in the Dunmer province of Morrowind, where you are to report to the [[Snowflame|perpetually shirtless crackhead]] called Caius Cossades to investigate a [[Cultist-Chan|cult]] that is growing rapidly in size. This cult is revealed to be the doings of the Sixth House, a clan of Dunmer that was destroyed after its leader, Lord Voryn Dagoth, rebelled against Lord Indoril Nerevar, the leader of the war against the Dwemer. Nerevar died shortly afterwards (though it is unclear if he died from the wounds Dagoth inflicted on him, or that his advisors, the Tribunal, murdered their lord so they could use the tools of the Dwemer to grant themselves near-divinity), and the Tribunal took over as the god-kings of the Dunmer.<br />
<br />
There was only one problem: Dagoth wasn't actually dead, and he granted himself near-divinity too. He's also completely insane because mortal minds simply were not meant to handle that kind of power, and now he is using a divine disease to influence the dreams of a bunch of Dunmer nationalists, transforming them into horrifying humanoid cephalopods hellbent on driving the Empire and all the other races out of Morrowind.<br />
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You take the role of Nerevar's reincarnation, the Nerevarine, and long story short you kill Dagoth, properly this time. However two of the Tribunal lie dead and the last one sacrificed his divinity to help you. Things in Morrowind do not get better after this.<br />
<br />
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ow5lGFju1c Here is a great review about the game. Every N'wah in existence worth their salt must watch it.]<br />
<br />
===The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion===<br />
{{Main|The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion}}<br />
You play as a nobody prisoner rotting in a cell in the Imperial City in the waning years of the Third Era. You catch a break when Emperor <s>Patrick Stewart</s> Uriel Septim VII pays a visit to your cell because his escape tunnel happens to be in there with you (it's chalked up to fate or a bureaucratic error). Turns out his heirs have been assassinated, and despite the best efforts of you and Cyrodiil's Finest, the Emprah gets shanked too. Before he does however, he entrusts you with the Amulet of Kings and tells you to go look for the Emperor's last son, a bastard child named Martin (who is voiced by Sean Bean) who is also being sought out by an apocalyptic cult of Mehrunes Dagon led by the last known child of the Camoran Dynasty, the family who had ruled over man for years before St. Alesseia came and slapped their shit down.<br />
<br />
By the events of the ending, Mehrunes Dagon's attempted invasion has been thwarted and Tamriel has been saved from a truly horrifying outcome, but Martin is dead and the Septim Empire is officially left without an heir. Things in Tamriel do not get better after this.<br />
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It was the first big-name RPG to appear on seventh generation consoles, and made the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 work for their money.<br />
<br />
===The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim===<br />
[[File:Song of Skyrim.jpg|500px|thumb|Dat Nord Frost Resistance]]<br />
{{Main|The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim}}<br />
Also known as the Volsunga Saga: The Game, chronologically set 201 years after Oblivion. It's been a long time and a lot has happened. Basically the Empire went to shit. A faction of Altmer supremacists named the Thalmor took over the Summerset Isles and seceded, also annexing Valenwood and turning Elsweyr into a client state. Morrowind got properly fucked because the Red Mountain erupted and the northern half of the country was left uninhabitable, the Argonians invaded the southern half as payback for years of slavery, and what isn't run by vengeful ex-slave lizards or covered in burning ash is in the midst of a political vacuum caused by the collapse of the pro-Imperial House Hlaalu. Then the newly-christened Aldmeri Dominion declared war on the Empire and even sacked the Imperial City. The Imperial Legion drove them out at great cost but the Emperor, Titus Mede II, was forced to sign a ceasefire with several punitive terms including a ban on Talos worship and giving up parts of Hammerfell. These terms (especially the Talos ban) were... [[Rage|controversial]] to say the least; Hammerfell, fed up with the fuckery of the elves and the Empire at this point, kicked them both out and declared independence. Between this and their handling of the Oblivion Crisis and the Red Mountain eruption, many people within the Empire began seeing it as weak and ineffectual, selling out the non-Cyrodiilic peoples to save their own sorry hides. But for now, an uneasy cold war exists between the two empires and everybody knows Round 2 is just around the corner.<br />
<br />
You're a prisoner, but in a shocking turn of events, this time you're actually told WHY this time! Turns out you crossed the damn border illegally, you filthy alien - of course if you are a Nord or a High Elf then it's just chalked up to an asshole Imperial officer who doesn't want to deal with the paperwork and sends you to the block along with everyone else. See, at this point the Imperial authorities in Skyrim are very uneasy because there is a civil war going on, between the pro-Imperial ''de facto'' High Queen Elisif the Fair, and the eponymous forces of Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak, a former Legion soldier turned Nord warlord who took umbridge to the terms of the ceasefire with the Dominion and now wants to drive out the Empire and claim the throne (so he is basically the Nord version of Robert the Bruce, even down to the controversial murder of a noble puppet that has made him effectively an outlaw king; he is also quite awesomely voiced by Vladimir Kulich), but he was captured and is going to get executed with you. Just mere moments before the frosty-looking bloke with the big axe gives you a discount haircut, a giant dragon god named Alduin the World Eater (Nidhogg with a touch of Jörmundgandr, although his purpose makes him more similar to Fenrir) decides to introduce himself to the world after being banished for ages and begins fucking up the town, giving you, Ulfric and his men a chance to escape. While everyone but Ulfric thinks the dragon is part of Ulfric's plan, in truth Alduin is there for YOU - you end up learning that you're the legendary Dragonborn, a mortal with the soul of a dragon who can basically do any of the cool shit a real dragon can do (besides flying), leaving you to solve the mystery of why the mysterious dragons are returning and find a way to stop Alduin from eating the world. And possibly also end the civil war by leading either side to victory, leading to either an independent new Skyrim (Stormcloaks win) or a reinvigorated Empire that holds on to its most vital province and has a key figure of the dragonblood once again, leaving it in the best state it has been in decades (Imperials win). Either way, neither side likes the Aldmeri Dominion and war is on the horizon.<br />
<br />
Gameplay-wise, it's very skubby; many people praise the sandbox-approach to the gameplay itself and the scale of the map, others criticize the lack of complexity in both gameplay and storylines. It is however one of the most heavily-modded games in existence, from immersive new stories to animated wings that let you fly to various sex mods.<br />
<br />
Bethesda keeps looking for new ways to milk Skyrim every few years, whether it is porting it to an even more unlikely platform than the last port or releasing a new edition to grab more sales.<br />
<br />
===The Elder Scrolls Online===<br />
TES: the MMORPG. Early on it suffered from growing pains and problems, but after surviving the hate and becoming only buy to play, it became a rather nice game. It is set in the Second Era, 800 years before Oblivion and a full millennium before Skyrim. Tamriel is currently locked in a mêlée à trois between three fragile alliances all vying for the Imperial throne - the Ebonheart Pact (Nords, Dunmer and Argonians), the Aldmeri Dominion (Altmer, Bosmer and Khajiit) and the Daggerfall Covenant (Bretons, Redguards and Orcs). You can also play Imperials if you upgraded your account to the Imperial Edition, they can join any of the three alliances. Meanwhile behind the scenes Molag Bal is scheming to meld Mundus with his nightmare realm Coldharbour and enslave all the mortal races. Someone oughta stop that shit, right?<br />
<br />
The game had a very rough release, with Elder Scrolls players criticizing it for missing the series's aesthetics and "feel" and MMO players for the lackluster end-game, and also for it's expensive subscription (same price as WoW, but without the decade worth of content). However the game received praise for it's Cyrodill PvP map. Fast-forward a couple of years and various updates, the most notable one being One-Tamriel which completely overhauled the game's balance and dropped the subscription, and had various DLCs released which added multiple zones, classes and Dungeons.<br />
<br />
All in all the game today is a decent MMO, with a thriving and relatively non-toxic community. However the game's plot is lackluster compared to other Elder Scrolls games, and it has a notable lack of iconic characters, specially if compared to World of Warcraft. It also has a steady stream of extremely well made cinematic trailers, most of them focusing on the adventures of a fighter/mage/thief trio who go from fighting each-other to fighting alongside each-other, depending on the cinematic. <br />
<br />
===The Elder Scrolls: Legends===<br />
A collectible card game for PC and mobile.<br />
<br />
===The Elder Scrolls: Blades===<br />
A mobile game that everyone forgot about. It was kinda bad.<br />
<br />
===The Elder Scrolls VI===<br />
Announced at E3 2018, the game was confirmed to be in production. The trailer shows a mountainous eastern or western coast with some stone ruins. But then Bethesda announced a new game, Starfield, that will come before it, so it's gonna a long time until TES6 is released.<br />
<br />
==Books==<br />
Yes, there actually are books set in Tamriel, The Infernal City and Lord of Souls written by [[Wikipedia:Gregory Keyes|Gregory Keyes]], which were set between the events of Oblivion and Skyrim. {{Spoiler|Someone who's actually read them, or is willing to reseach them more can expand this segment.}}<br />
<br />
The books take place between Oblivion and Skyrim and close out the story of Umbra called Umbriel as it becomes a soul sucking city ending with the sword finally being destroyed once and for all allowing Clavicus Vile to reclaim its power... [[RAGE|Until Bethesda decided to milk old artifacts for microtransactions in Skyrim]]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
{{promotions}}<br />
<center><br />
<gallery><br />
image:Lel.jpg<br />
image:N'wahs with attitude.jpg<br />
image:1402853718622.jpg<br />
image:Averagedayatbeth.png|This is depressingly true.<br />
image:Tribunal_awaken.jpg|[[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Almsivi!]]<br />
image:Kobold romance diary by Weaver.jpg|An average day for a TES protagonist.<br />
image:TES_lore_f.jpg|A lorefag's Slaanesh-grade wet dream.<br />
</gallery><br />
</center><br />
<br />
==See also==<br />
*[http://en.uesp.net/wiki/Main_Page The Unofficial Elder Scrolls Pages, the definitive wiki for the series.]<br />
*[[Scrollhammer]]: if the Elder Scrolls and Warhammer had a bastard son, it would probably be like this.<br />
*[[Scrollhammer 2nd Edition]]: If Elder Scrolls and Infinity had a bastard son.<br />
*[[Unofficial Elder Scrolls RPG]]: A pen and paper [[RPG]] currently dead because Seht decided to take a break, but he's back now. Core 3E is pretty polished with many supplements actively being worked on and released by various anons.<br />
*[[Savage Worlds]]: For which fanmade Elder Scrolls rules exist.<br />
*[[Glorantha]]: Elder Scrolls' equally insane absent father.<br />
<br />
[[Category:Video Games]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=China&diff=1009128China2026-03-21T14:33:46Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008985 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
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<div>{{NeedsImages}}<br />
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[[File: China map.gif |280px|right|thumb| Noodle land in all its majestic glory]]<br />
<br />
{{topquote|[[Derp|China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.]]|Charles de Gaulle}}<br />
<br />
'''China''' is probably the oldest semi-continual polity in the world that anyone actually gives a shit about. Over the course of twelve major dynasties, a shitload of smaller ones, a bunch of big civil war punch-ups, one Communist dictatorship, and its current, ongoing, post-Communist oligarchy, this huge blob of East Asian grasslands/steppes/jungle/desert/mountains/everything and its b[[Hive World|az]]illion inhabitants has had a tremendous, outsized effect on the world economy and the culture of surrounding nations.<br />
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Naturally, this has made it fertile fodder for tabletop gaming. From the [[Forgotten Realms]] to [[Pathfinder Roleplaying Game|Golarion]], few are the fantasy gaming settings ''without'' a "medieval China"-equivalent somewhere in the world. However, quite often, these Sure-Fine brand not! Chinas are about as well-researched and accurate as, well, [[Medieval Stasis|their European counterparts]], taking the broad cultural outline of a big empire ruled by a centralized bureaucracy and an all-powerful Emperor ([[God-Emperor of Mankind|who may or may not be a god / demigod]]) and a few specific trappings of architecture and dress to make what amounts to a China-based theme park for the adventurers to roam around in, seeing the sites, taking pictures, and fighting their way through that bestiary full of East-Asian monsters you never get to use. There's nothing ''wrong'' with this, really, but there's nothing particularly interesting about it either beyond the novelty of playing a bunch of slack-jawed tourists in your adventuring campaign. <br />
<br />
However, the ''other'' major influence China has had on tabletop gaming is through the medium of ''wuxia'', material from a Chinese perspective that spills into the Western market. (Its cousin, ''xianxia'', is popular among sweaty Internet nerds who like ''isekai'' [[anime]], but has not penetrated nearly as deeply into the Western consciousness.)<br />
<br />
== [[Wuxia]] ==<br />
{{topquote|'Wu' means martial arts, which signifies action, 'Xia' conveys chivalry. Wuxia. Say it gently... 'whooshah'... and it's like a breath of serenity embracing you. Say it with force, 'WuSHA!', and you can feel its power.|Samuel L. Jackson, "The Art of Action: Martial Arts in the Movies"}}<br />
<br />
Thank you, Reverend Jackson.<br />
<br />
Wuxia is what China has instead of Tolkien. Just as the Western fantasy setting has got your dwarves and your elves and your dark lords leading armies to conquer the world, China has Jianghu, literally "the Land of Rivers and Lakes", implying a sense of freedom from both normal familial obligations and the tyrannic representatives of the [[Emperor]]. In the settings, corrupt civil authority forces noble wandering heroes to live like outlaws as they fight to restore order, learn secret techniques from old masters, are forced to battle their former best friends, etc. Just like Western fantasy, there's a lot of high-brow, literary stuff, but there's also a lot of entertaining trash pumped out to fill a public appetite for it. For instance, those cheap Shaw Bros. kung fu movies are wuxia, but so are films like ''Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon'' and ''Hero''.<br />
<br />
And, naturally, this genre has its own tabletop games.<br />
<br />
The biggest success is probably ''[[Exalted]]'', [[White Wolf]]'s epic fantasy role-playing game. While there are, obviously, a shitload of other influences, from a corrupt cosmic bureaucracy and physical Realm in need of heroes to fix things to the super-martial arts and flowery naming conventions, Creation would simply not be recognizable without the trappings of wuxia. This is true even in a subtler sense: wuxia often focuses on tragedy and deeply-flawed heroes whose best intentions turn on them. Thanks to the Great Curse, all the exalts are, unless they do their utmost to defy their fates, doomed to destroy all they love.<br />
<br />
Other games, like ''[[Legends of the Wulin]]'' and ''[[Feng Shui]]'' draw on the genre more overtly. Even if the latter is more about aping the whole spectrum of Hong Kong cinema than wuxia specifically, even the later "heroic bloodshed" films are basically wuxia pictures set in the modern day with guns instead of swords, cities instead of forests, and cops and triads instead of heroes and bandits. The "69 A.D." Juncture ''is'' pure wuxia though, with an Imperial Court strangled by the machinations of the evil eunuch-sorcerers known as the Eaters of the Lotus and a countryside lousy with their supernatural and mortal henchmen terrorizing the nation. And the text notes that the heroic Dragons are frequently destroyed and remade, heroes born beneath stars of tragedy who often go out fighting the good fight.<br />
<br />
Wizards actually tried their own hand at a ''wuxia'' setting, the awesomely-named ''[[Dragon Fist]]''. Running on an early, jury-rigged d20 engine with a lot of leftover AD&D parts, it was barely-functional, but fun as hell, and set in the land of Tlanguo, though it got no support at all after the initial release. (Boooo!)<br />
<br />
[[Legend of the Five Rings]] is usually seen as a more "Japanese" setting than a Chinese one, and it's true that there's plenty of ''jidei geki'' DNA in Rokugani society, from its strict, stratified class system and militarism to its overtly-Japanese names and weapons, to subtle things like "void" replacing "metal" as one of the Five Elements. But, there's still plenty of Chinese flavor there. Various periods in Rokugani history were far more friendly to the wuxia mien, with bands of heroic ronin fighting the power against a corrupt shogunate in the hands of the Shadowlands. In particular, the Phoenix Clan endorses a philosophy that has far more similarities to daoism than anything recognizably Japanese, and Rokugan itself, as a land-bound empire that relies on a coastal breadbasket to feed a less-productive inland and a Great Wall along a border with a dangerous and barbaric foreign power to keep the heartland safe, is much more like China than any period in Japanese history.<br />
<br />
==History==<br />
<br />
<br />
{{topquote|The Empire, long divided, must unite. Long united, it must divide. Thus it has ever been.|Opening lines of Romance of the Three Kingdoms}}<br />
{{topquote|China is whole again...then it broke again.|Bill Wurtz, summarizing Chinese history}}<br />
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_China A brief timeline]<br />
<br />
===Ancient China===<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xia_dynasty Pre-History Stuff]'': A confederation of early-agricultural peoples who will later be known as the "Han" settle in the valley of the Yellow River. Confusingly, a dynasty of the same name is also coming up (it's because they named themselves after that particular dynasty). The Han built one of the first civilizations on Earth, with block writing, metalworking, and advanced farming techniques.<br />
* Xia: There is fuckall known about the Xia dynasty for certain, as this period had no permanent writing and exists largely as a folk story told by later generations. The Xia period is held with a sort of Arthurian reverence, with tales of bravery and dragons. Due to how China views history, these are considered historical fact, despite their fantastic elements and lack of corroborating evidence. What few records exists revolve around towns made of dirt and logs, but there is certainly a campaign or two to be had from a time of Gods, Heroes and Dragons. Also, millet and noodles; if the Erlitou theory should hold up.<br />
*''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shang_dynasty Shang]'': Led by the Yin family, the Shang had bronze, which, to use technical military parlance, made them the meanest bitches on the block for a long time. They worshipped a celestial god Huangdi. The Yin lords and ladies were ''obsessed'' with divination, going through huge heaps of bones and turtle shells for fortune-telling purposes whenever anyone did anything. So, yay: literacy, at last! Their nobles also had a habit of honoring ancestors by burying hundreds of slaves in their tombs. All par for the course for Early Bronze Age society - as witness the [[Maya]], [[Gilgamesh]], and the "Iphigenia" legend from Greece. Eventually, the Shang became [[Imperium of Man|engaged in too many wars]], before being overthrown by...<br />
<br />
===The Zhou===<br />
The Zhou were a family from out west in the boonies that moved onto Shang land and became vassals to the Shang until they... weren't.<br />
<br />
Unlike the Shang, whose culture has to be gathered from myth and scattered nonliterary documents, Linear B style; the Zhou culture actually produced a literature, although that got transmitted through layers of copying and redaction. Still, Chinese culture is [https://razib.substack.com/p/3000-years-of-chinese-history remarkably continuous from the Zhou].<br />
<br />
To justify their rebellion, and then their rule, the Zhou introduced the concept of a "Mandate of Heaven" (''tian ming'' in modern Mandarin orthography) issued not by the mercurial gods but by the cosmic forces of rightness, to which even gods must bow. It was brilliant, in its own way: theoretically, each dynasty ruled by the Mandate. When they didn't do so well or justly, Heaven would withdraw the Mandate and give it to someone else who'd overthrown them. And the Zhou stopped their subjects from sacrificing each other, which was a major step forward.<br />
<br />
More-cynically, this Mandate meant that a ''successful'' rebellion was "proof" that Heaven had turned its back on the old order, and an ''unsuccessful'' one was "proof" that it wasn't time yet; this system of ''ex post facto'' justification has proven to be much more durable than the western concept of the ''divine right of kings'' and persists to this day (if not in name). It also didn't hurt that the Zhou showed mercy upon the Yin family who'd run the Shang, allowing them to keep a fief in the Song duchy. Confucius himself was of the Yin / Song ex-Shang.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the Zhou had a good run, but the state's vassals started pulling apart during [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spring_and_Autumn_period Spring and Autumn period], and eventually the whole thing fractured into a mess of warring states fighting for supremacy. This was known as [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warring_States_period Warring States period]. At the same time, constant conflict and the need to innovate culminated in to the "Hundred Schools". The origin of both Confucianism (under the sovereign-again Song/Yin) and Daoism in some of their earliest forms was observed.<br />
<br />
===Early Imperial China===<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qin_dynasty Qin]'': Probably the shortest dynasty that people actually remember and care about, but it had the great emperor Qin Shi Huangdi. Yes, this motherfucker had the nads literally to name himself "God". Uniting the nation by military force, the so-called "First Emperor" invented probably the first modern nation-state, standardizing culture, weights, measures, roads, and countless other things to ensure that the Chinese stopped thinking of themselves as being from Lu, Jin, or Wei and started thinking of themselves as Chinese. He's got a bad reputation as a crazed mass-murderer too, but that was mostly because he made enemies with the Confucians and the Confucians wrote the history books for two millenia and some change to come. He also "abolished history" by burning all the books not containing useful technical information (and occasionally their authors as well), keeping only a copy of each one in his private library for the leader's personal use, which was promptly lost after his death - which happened sooner than it should have, because he thought that [[fail|chugging mercury would make him immortal]]. What he built barely survived him, but there's a reason the modern nation still bears his name. (...It's pronounced "chin." Goddamn pinyin.)<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Han_dynasty Han]'': This one's so important it's still what the Chinese call themselves as an ethnic group. Roughly contemporaneous with the Roman Empire, with each being aware of the other without ever quite meeting (partly because the Parthian Empire was really anal about playing middle-man on the Silk Road). They seemed to think of themselves as opposite versions of themselves on opposite ends of the world. The Han was founded by a former Qin Sheriff who lost some of his prisoners during a convoy; realizing that the punishment would be death, he decided that he already had nothing to lose and instigated a successful rebellion against the Qin (this is why there is such a thing as too severe a punishment when it ceases to be a deterrent). Introduced the concept of a centralized bureaucracy offering positions to applicants who were judged by local officials based on the Confucian classics, the latter of which would survive until the Sui initiated reforms and the ''former'' of which didn't go away until the Emperor did. A hugely-prosperous, technologically-skilled, highly-advanced society, with a new coinage standard that, unfortunately, as part of a running theme, began to fall into weakness and decadence. First, the eunuchs, always resentful of their snipping, tried seizing power for themselves, only for military officers to storm the capital and slaughter them all, leading first to a tenuous military dictatorship, and then to, well... <br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Kingdoms Three Kingdoms], and the Romancing Thereof'': The late Han dynasty and generation shortly thereafter was a great and heroic age. It was a time of larger-than-life personalities, brave generals, brilliant strategists, and masterful politicians. It is worthy of study both for historical/entertainment value and for inspiration in any good tabletop campaign that wants to have a military-political element. And it is the subject of one of the Four Classical Novels, the historical epic usually translated into "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" in English, this being the reason of its fame. Unfortunately, it is also ''bastard complicated'', so let's just say that one of the Three Kingdoms finally usurped the Han after using them as a puppet state for a while, and then conquered the others a generation later, all the while, after successive underage emperors, being a puppet to the founders of the next dynasty. Most gamers in the west know this period due to the Dynasty Warriors series and the [https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Total_War#Total_War:_Three_Kingdoms Total War: Three Kingdoms] game.<br />
<br />
===[[Age of Strife]]===<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jin_dynasty_%28265%E2%80%93420%29 Jin]'': Backstabbing, political maneuverings, coups d'état, internal conflict, corruption, political turmoil followed by clashes and war; successful and unsuccesful throne usurpings, military revolts, paranoia among royal family, more revolts and end to Jin rule.<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northern_and_Southern_dynasties Northern and Southern]'': An age of civil war and political chaos complemented by a time of flourishing arts and culture, advancement in technology, and the spread of Mahayana Buddhism and Daoism. It should be noted that the Northern Dynasties were essentially [[Warriors of Chaos|barbarians]] and most of the Han fled south. Key technological advances occurred during this period, but more important was the spread of agricultural tech to the south, cementing their status as major taxgivers. The invention of the stirrup during the earlier Jin dynasty (265–420) helped to ignite the development of heavy cavalry. Advances in medicine, astronomy, mathematics, and cartography are observed by historians. <br />
<br />
===Medieval Imperial China===<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sui_dynasty Sui]'': The good: they reunited a divided China, and 1) successfully undertook such vast internal-improvement projects as the Grand Canal connecting the city of Beijing in the north to the city of Hangzhou in the south, a thousand miles away; 2) initiated the test reforms, which will slowly change China into the model state in Voltaire's eyes in the course of five hundred years. The bad: they were extravagant assholes and control freaks whose projects were built on a foundation of peasant bones mortared with blood. Fell apart after the second emperor's repeated attempts to conquer Korea against dogged resistance and interference from the top broke the back of the army.<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tang_dynasty Tang]'': The Emperor Li Yuan, who seized the capital from the Sui, is his dynasty in microcosm. When he took power, the people thought he would be the greatest emperor in their nation's history; energetic, brilliant, skilled at all manner of government, military, and artistic tasks. He stabilized the shaking nation. Then he turned into a paranoid, murderous asshole as he got older until he finally got deposed. Sounds about right. This is the age in which the Chinese invented gunpowder, and, at its height, it was also the richest, most-advanced, most-cosmopolitan society on Earth, rolfstomping basically every thing that crossed the great houses of the dynasty. Problem is such conquest was completed by governor-generals that can tax their lands, which allowed them to rebel quite easily. The Tang dynasty also had the only officially recognized empress regnant (i.e. a woman who rules as a monarch in her own right, not as the wife of the emperor) in the history of Imperial China, Wu Zetian. Once things started falling apart, a radical sect of Confucianism began attempting to purge China of "outside influences" and restore China to the good old days through teaching and circulating their works, and also encouraging persecution and robbery of said outside influences, including Christianity and Buddhism. Buddhism survived, Christianity (Nestorians) did not.<br />
<br />
===Second Age of Strife===<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Dynasties_and_Ten_Kingdoms_period Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms]'': The period of political disunity between the Tang and the Song, known as the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms period. During this period, five states quickly succeeded one another in the Chinese Central Plain, while more than a dozen concurrent states were established elsewhere, mainly in south China. During this half-century, China was in all respects a multi-state system. <br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Song_dynasty Song]'': Invading barbarians devastated a Tang dynasty that was already eating itself alive from within. After a brief but invigorating series of civil wars and abortive wanna-be dynasts, an opportunistic general seized control of a splinter state that begun uniting China, and would go on to overlap with the Yuan for a while until the Mongols finally finished 'em off. The Song dynasty was, no bones about it, a cultural and economic powerhouse. They invented such modern marvels as paper money, steam and water-powered industry, and mass production. They also created beautiful and marvelous art, like pots depicting ponds on which fish appeared when water was poured in, or rice that smelled like flowers while it was cooking. However, they were ''also'' weak politically and militarily, and their ongoing "sour grapes" stance toward most of their neighbors, combined with Neo-Confucian abhorrence at the thought of allowing ''merchants'' to do the fighting, prevented them from properly leveraging the economic advantages of their hyper-advanced economy to dominate them with "soft power," and their underdeveloped understanding of economics meant many of these advances were eventually abandoned by a society not ready for their consequences. Ultimately gave in to...<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuan_dynasty Yuan]'': Goddamn Mongolians. Technically "started" by Genghis Khan himself, it only really became a Chinese-style dynasty when his grandson, Kublai Khan, set up his capital in Khanbaliq (later Dadu, modern Beijing). Like the Greeks and the Romans, the "conquering" Mongolians slowly resembled their Chinese subjects. Culturally, this was the beginning of the modern Chinese novel and drama, though always with the wary eye of Imperial censors lurking over the writers' shoulders. (This was nothing new, incidentally, though the volume sure was.) This was also the dynasty that brought China to the West's attention, partly due to the Mongol invasions threatening Eastern Europe, and partly due to Marco Polo's accounts of the reign of Kublai Khan. The Mongols generally imported nobles rather than using locals, so a variety of Middle Easterners were brought in to manage and police the Chinese nation, while Chinese bureaucrats were sent to the Middle East to manage and police it. This is the origin of the Hui people, Muslim descendants of intermarrying foreign officials and soldiers who maintain their faith today and served as some of the most disciplined and feared of all Chinese soldiers in future wars. Eventually, the Yuan proved how "Chinese" they'd become by going out in the traditional Chinese way: collapsing into a mass of squabbling warlords and decadence because of fiscal disaster. Notably, the fleeing Khan took the ancient Imperial Seal dating all the way back to ol' Qin Shi Huangdi himself with him when he went back to Mongolia, and no one's ever found where he stashed it, according to legends anyway.<br />
<br />
===Late Imperial China===<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ming_dynasty Ming]'': Founded by an illiterate peasant-turned-warlord, Zhu Yuanzhang, who stands aside such figures as Oliver Cromwell of England, Jeanne d'Arc of France, Toussaint L'Ouverture of Haiti, and the Prophet Muhammad of Arabia as one of the great completely self-taught military minds of human history, the Ming dominated the remains of the decaying Yuan empire with a mixture of [[Orks|brutal cunning]] and [[Creed|tactical genius]]. He went the way of Li Yuan by the end, but the dynasty he founded was the stablest and most-powerful China ruled by the Chinese in generations. It combined the economic power of the Song with the military might of the Yuan and the cultural sophistication of both into one of the grandest empires in human history. Politically, of course, they were rather repressive and authoritarian, hence ''[[Flash_Gordon|Flash! AHOWWW]]''. But it was ''also'' a very literate society for its time, with openly-female writers and readers getting lots of cred. This dynasty also saw the absolutely ''epic'' world-journey of the eunuch-admiral Zheng He, that was the closest the real-world ever got to a sea-based ''Dungeons & Dragons'' campaign. Unfortunately, due to the influence of the Neo-Confucians, their own self-sufficiency and comparative sophistication compared to the rest of the world, and good ol' fashioned racist jingoism, Ming China was very isolationist and arrogant; yet somehow managed to trade a lot because most of the silver Spain dug up in the Americas ended up there, meaning the rich were even more rich. This era of long-term peace led to a decay of military strength, especially as they insisted on inventing their own kinds of [[firearm]] rather than importing cheaper European models, and pervasive corruption and eunuch-influence at the top rotted everything it touched. Humiliatingly, after three centuries, the dynasty came to an end not when the next one stepped up to the plate, but when a ''fucking peasant revolt'' got there first (China's treasury was completely empty after years of excessive spending and corruption, and since the peasant rebellion meant that taxes could no longer be collected, the government was unable to pay or support any armed force to stop the revolt), and the Emperor committed suicide, leaving a gap for the Manchus to back right into.<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qing_dynasty Qing]'': [[File:Eight-Nation-Alliance.jpg |300px|right|thumb|And in 15 years they'll all be at war.]]As mentioned above, the semi-nomadic Manchu invaded China from beyond the Great Wall and took over as the Qing dynasty. When you learn about the Opium Wars, the Boxer Rebellion, and Spheres of Influence in middle school, this is the dynasty it all happened in. Under the Manchu emperors, China expanded to the largest size in history, occupying Mongolia, Tibet, and much of Central Asia that had not been controlled by China since the Tang dynasty. As the last dynasty, the Qing basically reached a point of such decadence and corruption that military budgets were spent on building palaces, and attempts to modernize and "Westernize" China as Meiji Japan did were met with unremitting hostility by entrenched political factions within the Imperial palace. Into this, a series of flooding disasters destroyed harvests and left the common Chinese and the military angry at pretty much everyone. Violent rebellions began appearing, aiming to '''Make China Great Again''' by getting rid of all the foreigners. One of the revolts was the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taiping_Rebellion Taiping Heavenly Kingdom Rebellion] caused by a man who thought he was the brother of Jesus and that the Manchu were demons, resulting in somewhere between twenty to thirty million deaths. This provoked a brief invasion by, well, everyone. Literally. Virtually '''ALL''' the European powers plus America and Japan sent troops to save their citizens (and more importantly, their colonial holdings). Some weren't so quick about leaving. With China basically becoming a big cake being sliced up by stronger colonial powers, a young Chinese-American Anglican named Sun Yixian/Sun Yat-Sen decided it was time to get rid of the imperial dynasties and establish a modern, Westernized, democratic republic. In 1912, the 7-year old Emperor abdicated (though he retained part of the Forbidden City and was paid an annual stipend), and the line of dynasties came to an end.<br />
<br />
===THIRD Age of Strife===<br />
*'''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republic_of_China_(1912%E2%80%9349) Republic of China (1912-1915)]'': Sun Yat-Sen only became president with the help of Yuan Shikai, a Qing general who forced the Republicans to name him president if he made the Qing Emperor step down, with the support of most of the modernized Qing armies stationed in northern China and around the capital of Beijing. As promised, Yuan Shikai was made the new President of the Republic. A year later, having won national elections and taken control of parliament, Yuan further increased his power, such as making him able to name a successor ''by law''. Sun Yat-Sen's chosen successor was assassinated by "persons unknown", and the same fate would befall those suspected by investigators of having some role in the assassination. All things pointed to Yuan Shikai being responsible, but no charges could be filed as all potential suspects and witnesses were dead. With an abortive revolt crushed in Southern China, and the mechanisms of government in his hands, nothing much could be done when Yuan declared himself the Hongxian Emperor.<br />
* ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warlord_Era Warlord Era]'': Yuan Shikai's short-lived dynasty was defeated by a coalition of anti-monarchist armies from the south, and Yuan died shortly thereafter. However, rather than re-establishing the Republic, Yuan's defeat and death simply saw many of his followers take their own portions of the army and establish warlord states throughout northern China. One of these factions became known as the Beiyang Government and claimed itself the legitimate government of the Republic of China. Sun Yat-Sen's Nationalists retreated to the south and became warlords themselves, calling for war against the autocratic Beiyang. Dozens of lesser warlords proliferated throughout China's provinces, and the Beiyang government joined the Allies in World War I in the hopes of recovering territories taken by Germany and Austria-Hungary during the Qing Dynasty, mainly Shandong.<br />
*''Nanking Government of the Republic of China'': Starting in 1927, over the course of one year, the Nationalist army broke the back of three major warlords of the north, nominally unifying China under one government. The remaining warlords resisted Nanjing/Nanking's concentration of power, causing even more bloodshed. Making things more complicated, the Japanese controlled Shandong, having taken it from the Germans after WW1, and nobody in China liked that.<br />
<br />
===Modern China===<br />
''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/China People's Republic (aka Communist China)]'': This is the era of history that, for better or worse, most Westerners are familiar with. To make a long, winding, and rather complicated story short, nearly everything in China nowadays can be traced to the efforts of one man; Mao Zedong, the leader of the then-outlawed Communist Party of China. Beginning in 1927, he warred against the nationalist government under Jiang Jieshi/Chiang Kai-Shek. Although they put their war on hold to kick the Japanese out of their country during the Second World War, by 1949, the nationalist government was pushed back to Taiwan (where they still rule today and claim to be the true government of China), and mainland China was unified under the communist red flag. For the next 50 or so years, the Chinese would play an interesting role in the Cold War between the USA and USSR; first as allies to the Russians until the Sino-Soviet split in '69, then as sort of-friends to the US after Nixon negotiated an agreement with them. As for Mao, historians are notably [[Skub|divided on his record as a politician]]. While it is agreed the man was a brilliant general, literally writing the book ''On Guerrilla Warfare'', the mixed reaction comes from his rather disastrous socio-economic policies. (and by that, we mean left around 72 million Chinese dead, from a mixture of starvation, political purges, and a ten-year period of anarchy that made the Reign of Terror look like a birthday party because it was legal for people to tell armies to hand over their weapons). His detractors will claim utopian stupidity, malicious tyranny, or a mix of both, while his supporters usually will make the claim that he just made honest mistakes. Nevertheless, his successors felt that the country was going to implode if they pursued any of Mao's hard left policies any further, so now we're in a weird state of limbo where a country that's still being ruled by the authoritarian Communist Party is more capitalist than it had ever been in any previous part of its history. <br />
<br />
But don't suggest China will become a democracy anytime soon. The last time they tried that in AD 1989, things [[Baneblade|went badly]] for everyone involved, especially at Tiananmen Square (which also provided an iconic meme of the little guy standing up the big guy with [[wikipedia:Tank Man|Tank Man]]). Since then, the Chinese [[1984|Ministry of Truth]] is trying to make sure that no one knows that anything happened back then. Additionally, the current president, Xi Jinping, is easily the strongest of China's leaders since Mao and has taken the country to a notably more authoritarian direction, to the point that presidential term limits were removed and he was allowed to write his political thoughts into the constitution, which are now being studied just like Mao's Little Red Book was back in the day. Even worse, he's even taken a leaf from [[Nazi|certain]] [[Imperial Truth|other]] dictators with the treatment of China's Uyghur Muslims under his regime (complete with forcing them, at gunpoint, onto trains bound for prison camps). When COVID-19 was first discovered in the city of Wuhan, several scientists studying the virus realized it had the potential to become a pandemic and warned the government, [[Noblebright|some even suggesting they also warn other countries of the potential risk]]. The government responded by imprisoning several of them (some of who have never been seen since) and covering up COVID-19... until it became a global pandemic and intrepid truth-seekers revealed the point of origin and the cover-up.<br />
<br />
On a lighter note, in recent history, Xi has gone full old man yells at cloud and decided that kids these days spend too much time playing video games, defining ''too much'' as three hours '''a week'''. AKA, Operation Touch Grass by some.<br />
<br />
A more recent development is China's declining population, just like [[Japan]]. While the latter is caused by their ass backwards business culture, nepotism and inability to run their economy. China's self inflicted wound is due to their One-Child Policy they canceled in 2015 (which was originally put in place to help curb overpopulation back in the 1970s). This wouldn't have been a problem if their culture didn't have preference towards boys, while the government showed blatant favoritism towards rural provinces to circumvent it. One problem China shares with Japan here is strong xenophobia and an aversion towards all but the strictest immigration policies reducing the number of foreign people able and wanting to move there and boost the population that way. This means there are thousands of men who can't get married, many of them uneducated with lower income. Meanwhile urban women increasingly prefer husbands with the same education and values as their own or create a vicious cycle of rising demands by choosing career success over starting a family. China is now in a situation where their economic bubble is heading towards a downturn as well due to building more houses than their citizens could afford, turning unused apartments into giant money sinks. Anyone who isn't a moron will tell you that traditionalist values and Communist (or any left wing) ideology don't mix like the CCP wishes it would. <br />
<br />
[[image:Game_Store_in_Taiwan.jpeg|thumb|150px|right|♫Some times you wanna go, where everybody knows your game...♫]]<br />
*As a quick side note, that island Chiang Kai-Shek took over, Taiwan, or the Republic of China as it's officially called by the local government, is actually doing fine. It's a liberal democracy which is very much capable of [[Team Yankee|defending its position]]. If you like Chinese food, crowded cities, freedom of speech, freedom of religion and winding rural mountain roads it's a perfectly nice place to visit; they even play ''Warhammer'' (apparently mostly ''40k''). Taiwan is also notable for being the place where majority of the entire world's semiconductors are produced, which gives them major global influence as all countries both big and small are dependent on them. The majority of Taiwanese view Chiang Kai-Shek sort of like the Americans who wrote the majority of this article think about George Washington, or even the Puritans at Massachusetts Bay, as a [[Creed|hardcore leader]] who did some dubious, hypocritical things but was historically significant nonetheless and ultimately was the father of their country even if he killed a lot of people to get there and believed shit they find repulsive. <br />
<br />
However, opinion on Taiwan in China is [[Skub|heavily controversial and, if non-critical, can get you blacklisted from certain places (mere mention of Taiwan can be enough to do so)]], so be careful who you talk to about it. It's become a running gag that American celebrities are often forced by their corporate masters to publicly apologize, sometimes in badly-pronounced Chinese, whenever they mention Taiwan existing, or outright support the Chinese government's more infamous actions (shit like the conquest and puppeteering of Hong Kong, the massacre at Tiananmen Square that they still deny happened and if it did they deserved it or the Uyghur Genocide) to avoid losing access to the mass-est mass market in the world.<br />
<br />
==People's Republic of China==<br />
<br />
After the collapse of the Qing Dynasty, China plunged into several decades of consecutive civil wars until a man named Mao Zedong unified China. After unifying China, Mao Zedong introduced a system that was distinct from any previous dynasties. This system, which is still in use in China today, combines elements of ancient Chinese centralized bureaucratic systems with the Leninist model of the Soviet Union.<br />
<br />
In simple terms, the government in China is composed entirely of bureaucrats. Although there is a "figurehead parliament" known as the National People's Congress (NPC), which is theoretically the highest authority in China and has the power to elect the President (current President Xi Jinping is ostensibly elected by the NPC), the bureaucrats are the actual decision-makers and implementers of policies. They even oversee their own actions through internal mechanisms of supervision.<br />
<br />
During Mao Zedong's reign, he and the Communist Party of China created this series of institutions for the entire country. In Mao's ideal vision, this system was supposed to operate effectively, be subject to supervision by the people, be free from corruption, and have bureaucrats who were honest and dedicated solely to the betterment of society. The Communist Party of China sought to merge with the Chinese government and even the Chinese people themselves (as of 2023, the Communist Party of China has around 10% of the total population as its members, which means approximately one out of every ten Chinese individuals is a party member). Most of the high-ranking officials in China, as well as the majority of known bureaucrats, are party members. Mao Zedong's ideology has been infused into the minds of every Chinese person.<br />
<br />
In Mao Zedong's ideal vision, China was meant to be a country where the bureaucracy was supervised by workers and farmers. He was eager to introduce his ideals to everyone, writing books and compiling his own quotations, hoping that everyone would learn from them. However, in reality, the system had significant flaws. Workers and farmers were unable to effectively supervise the bureaucracy, and moreover, the majority of them lacked proper education. On the other hand, the bureaucrats were often highly educated intellectuals. During Mao's reign, he held the position of a philosopher king and could somewhat steer the country toward his ideals. But after his death in 1976, power struggles erupted within the centers of power in China. Mao's chosen successor, Hua Guofeng, was overthrown by Deng Xiaoping, who became the de facto leader representing the bureaucratic group. (It is worth noting that most Chinese people are unaware that Hua Guofeng was actually the second leader of China, and many mistakenly believe that Deng Xiaoping served as the second leader. In reality, Deng Xiaoping never held the position of President of China.)<br />
<br />
Before his death, Mao Zedong expressed in his last wishes that his ashes should be scattered into the Yangtze River. However, the Communist Party of China established a special committee to discuss the handling of Mao Zedong's remains. They quickly reached a consensus to place Mao Zedong's body in a crystal coffin for exhibition, similar to Lenin in the Soviet Union. This decision continues to generate significant controversy. Some argue that it does not show proper respect for Mao Zedong himself, while others believe that Mao Zedong's contributions to China warrant such an action. Regardless, Mao Zedong's preserved body remains on display in the Mao Zedong Memorial Hall in Beijing, China. Anyone can enter and pay respects to this great leader.<br />
<br />
After Deng Xiaoping came to power, he overturned a series of socialist-oriented policies in China, including the collective ownership of land and the 90% state-controlled economy. He initiated reforms that shifted China towards a capitalist direction, known as "reform and opening up," which China continues to follow to this day. During Deng's tenure, China experienced rapid economic growth, and the living standards of the Chinese people significantly improved. The issue of famine was also alleviated with the introduction of high-yield rice varieties developed by a brilliant agricultural scientist named Yuan Longping. However, Deng Xiaoping's era is widely recognized as the most corrupt period in China's history. As the chosen representative of the bureaucratic group, Deng Xiaoping inevitably protected the interests of the bureaucracy. Many high-ranking officials during Deng's era amassed vast fortunes through corruption and bribery. It was during this time that many revolutionary elites who fought to overthrow China's feudal aristocracy and warlord system became the new "red nobility" or "red capitalists."<br />
<br />
During the early stages of Deng Xiaoping's era, China pursued a pro-American approach. However, in 1989, the United States launched a color revolution targeting China, which led to the infamous events on June 4th, known as the Tiananmen Square Incident. On that day, over a hundred people died, and there are still divergent accounts of what exactly happened due to a lack of reliable documentary evidence. Each faction within China's political circles has its own interpretation, much like the varying perspectives surrounding the events of January 6th, 2021, in the United States. Consequently, the relationship between the two countries deteriorated to a less favorable level. In the 1990s, the United States provoked China multiple times, particularly regarding the Taiwan issue. China even prepared for the possibility of war in response to these provocations, resulting in a frosty period in bilateral relations.<br />
<br />
In 1992, Deng Xiaoping relinquished nearly all of his power and chose Jiang Zemin to succeed him as the leader of China. It is said that Jiang Zemin was selected because during the 1989 turmoil, he handled the Shanghai protesters in a non-violent manner. He mobilized Shanghai's workers to persuade the predominantly student-led protesters to go home. This approach garnered recognition from Deng Xiaoping.<br />
<br />
After Jiang Zemin came to power, he gradually reformed the military, which to some extent alleviated the problem of bureaucratic corruption in China. At the same time, he consolidated China's capitalist path under the banner of "socialist market economy" and incorporated Deng Xiaoping's theory into the Party Constitution (which is equivalent to the Bible of the Communist Party of China, as the organizational structure of the party is akin to that of a church). From then on, China, which had previously pursued an idealistic path during Mao Zedong's era but achieved unsatisfactory results, underwent a complete transformation into a realist China.<br />
<br />
Indeed, due to the prolonged internal conflicts that spanned almost half a century (from 1911 to 1949), and with the broader perspective of ongoing tensions between the Republic of China (ROC) and the People's Republic of China (PRC), China's economy remained underdeveloped. During this time, China relied on industries such as garment manufacturing and low-end product assembly to slowly accumulate primitive capital, while awaiting future breakthroughs. China was still struggling through a challenging and difficult period.<br />
<br />
After Jiang Zemin's era, Hu Jintao came to power as the leader of China. How was Hu Jintao selected? In the 1990s, there were several incidents of unrest in Tibet, including one in the capital city of Lhasa. During this particular incident, as a government official, Hu Jintao donned a helmet and held a rifle while standing on a military vehicle to help suppress the rioters. This event earned Hu Jintao the nickname "Lhasa Tiger," and it was in part due to this display of leadership that he was chosen by Jiang Zemin.<br />
<br />
In 2002, Hu Jintao came to power. His rule, compared to the era of Jiang Zemin and later Xi Jinping, appeared relatively calm and uneventful. Many people viewed him as continuing along the path laid out by Jiang Zemin. During this period, China's economy entered a golden age, and it became relatively easy for many Chinese people to find decent jobs. Various restrictions were relaxed, allowing for greater freedom of expression on the internet, including criticism of the government, the Communist Party, and even direct attacks on Hu Jintao himself. As a result, many people have fond memories of this era because it was a time of apparent tranquility and prosperity, even though it may seem that nothing significant happened.<br />
<br />
Now, please rise as we introduce the esteemed leader who is revered by the people of China, the Chairman of the People's Republic of China, the General Secretary of the Communist Party of China Central Committee, the President of China, and the Chairman of the Central Military Commission. Comrade Xi Jinping!<br />
<br />
In 2013, President Xi Jinping assumed power and has been leading China ever since, without stepping down.<br />
<br />
Politically, President Xi Jinping has consolidated his position by vigorously combating corruption and purging his political opponents. His unprecedented crackdown on corruption has solidified his power. Furthermore, his efforts to combat corruption have instilled hope among the Chinese people, who have witnessed decades of corruption since the era of Deng Xiaoping. As a result, President Xi has garnered significant support from the people. It can be said that he is the most influential leader in China since Deng Xiaoping, and perhaps even since Mao Zedong.<br />
<br />
Economically, when President Xi Jinping took office, China was at the end of the "Golden Decade," and its economic development had entered a phase of deceleration. The double-digit GDP growth rates experienced during the "Golden Decade" had slowed down to single-digit growth. However, President Xi has made significant efforts to promote technological development and encourage the growth of advanced industries such as semiconductor chips, civil aviation, pharmaceuticals, and electronics. Overall, China's economy can still be considered relatively strong.<br />
<br />
In the realm of the internet, President Xi Jinping has strengthened internet regulation. While it is still possible to express anti-government and anti-Communist Party sentiments on the Chinese internet, compared to the Hu Jintao era when internet regulation was relatively lax, there are now stricter controls in place. Moreover, criticizing President Xi Jinping himself has become an absolute taboo. President Xi promotes the concept of internet sovereignty, which asserts that each country should have control over its own internet space. As a result, many people believe that the quality of internet information in China is gradually declining.<br />
<br />
In terms of culture, President Xi Jinping promotes reverence for the revolutionary heroes of China's past, particularly those from the revolutionary war era of the last century. He also advocates the spirit of striving, emphasizing that every individual should work diligently in their respective positions to achieve a better life. Additionally, he requires all Communist Party members to use a mobile app called "Study Xi, Strong Country（学习强国）" to learn about the Party's new ideologies, and all Party branches are expected to regularly study the directives of the top leadership. However, despite these efforts, a culture of decadence has still prevailed since 2019.<br />
<br />
In society, Xi Jinping has strengthened the presence of the Communist Party of China (CPC) across various social spheres, emphasizing that the Party should not solely consist of government bureaucrats. People from every industry have been encouraged to join the CPC, expanding its membership to an astonishing number, surpassing the population of possibly 80% of the countries on Earth.At the same time, he promotes China's outstanding traditional culture and integrates the predominantly Confucian thought into the mainstream ideology of modern China.<br />
<br />
In terms of military affairs, Xi Jinping downsized the PLA from 2.3 million to 2 million troops in order to allocate higher per capita military expenditure and implemented various reforms within the armed forces. He emphasizes the absolute leadership of the Chinese Communist Party over the military (although this is a consistent stance on his part). During his tenure until 2023, China has constructed two aircraft carriers and has at least three more aircraft carriers under construction in shipyards.<br />
<br />
===Political Affiliation===<br />
The internal power struggles within the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) are not made public, and many people have their own interpretations of these internal dynamics. Therefore, we will only discuss the factions within the general public.<br />
There are many political factions within China, among which the main ones are the loyalist faction and the opposition faction.<br />
<br />
* '''Loyalist faction'''<br />
:The loyalist faction refers to all those who are loyal to the government of the People's Republic of China and the Chinese Communist Party. Regardless of their reasons, they acknowledge and support the rule of the government and the Chinese Communist Party, and they have no intention to overthrow their rule (at least not currently). The reasons for their loyalty may vary, such as their admiration for the Chinese system, the benefits they have gained from it, or simply their dislike for other countries.<br />
<br />
* '''Opposition faction'''<br />
:The opposition faction, in contrast to the loyalist faction, seeks to overthrow the government of the People's Republic of China and the Chinese Communist Party, or at least one of them. Similarly, there can be various reasons behind their opposition, such as their dislike for the Chinese system, not benefiting from it, general discontent with the country, or even allegations of receiving money from organizations like the CIA or individuals associated with Taiwan.<br />
<br />
Apart from the two factions mentioned above, there are indeed other factions within the general public.<br />
<br />
* '''Han Nationalists（皇汉）'''<br />
:Han Nationalists often emphasize the dominant status of the Han ethnic group in China. They typically call for the abolition of preferential policies for ethnic minorities (in China, ethnic minorities receive certain benefits, such as additional points added to their total scores in the national college entrance examination, known as the "gaokao"). Some may also demand the elimination of ethnic autonomous region policies. However, it's important to note that the most extreme and radical individuals among them advocating ethnic cleansing and promoting extreme racial ideologies represent a small faction.<br />
<br />
* '''Maoist（毛左）'''<br />
:"Maoist" refers to those who support Chairman Mao Zedong and have nostalgia for the era of his rule. They have varying degrees of support for the government, hoping for reforms that align more closely with the Maoist era. Some believe that China deviated from the path laid by Chairman Mao after his death and advocate for the overthrow of the Chinese government to establish a new People's Republic of China. It is worth noting that as China's economy has worsened, this viewpoint has gained increasing recognition among a growing number of people.<br />
<br />
* '''Openist'''<br />
:"Openist." It refers to a faction that advocates for relaxed control measures regarding the COVID-19 pandemic, opposing strict quarantine policies. Some individuals within this faction may believe that COVID-19 is just a minor cold and does not require strict control measures.<br />
<br />
* '''Isolationist'''<br />
:"Isolationist." It refers to a faction or group of people who advocate for strict containment measures in dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic. They support policies that involve rigorous isolation, quarantine, and other measures aimed at controlling and eventually eliminating the spread of COVID-19.<br />
<br />
==Military Stuff before the 20th century==<br />
As a general rule China has not been big on the idea on the idea of warriors as a class unto themselves. There were charioteers back during the Warring States Period and Manchu bannermen a long, long time after that, but otherwise there was nothing equivalent to the sort of warrior society that you saw in feudal Europe or pre-modern Japan. To give you an idea of the standing of warriors in Ancient China, let it be said that the world was made up of Four Categories of People (analogous to the Three Orders of feudal Europe): Scholars, Farmers, Artisans, and Merchants; which basically served to protect the scholars from the emergence of a middle class by inverting the relationship between mercantile wealth and social standing. The Scholars, known as ''shi'', replaced the warrior-charioteers around the time Rome invented the pyrrhic victory, and resembled the Roman prefects in terms of their duties and authority. In later eras, soldiers and warriors were considered beneath these four categories and ranked alongside [[Bard|entertainers]], [[Sharess|prostitutes]], [[Maid RPG|domestic servants]], and [[Commorragh Slaves|slaves]]. Basically, they were fightier eunuchs.<br />
<br />
Owing to the low status of the profession, if you wanted to raise an army in China you didn't have a hereditary caste of men trained in the arts of war from childhood, like knights or samurai. Trust us, many rulers tried and failed to establish such a caste. Instead, you'd get a whole bunch of peasants together, equip them, and send them out to do your fighting for you under the command of a noble trained and educated to be a general. Armies would thus vary in quality, from solidly professional soldiers to badly-trained and ill-equipped conscripts, depending on region and era.<br />
<br />
In general Chinese armies were more missile oriented than their medieval or classical European contemporaries with a mix of close quarters soldiers and missile troops. Beginning with the Warring States period, crossbows were a big deal because it meant that your conscripted peasants could easily be trained to saturate the enemy with projectiles.<br />
<br />
A few words on weaponry...<br />
<br />
Ancient China recognized four major melee weapons: staff, spear (although their concept of spear includes a wide variety of polearms - Iconically Chinese polearms include the Ji, Guandao, and podao)), single edged swords (dao), and double edged swords (jian); and of the two swords the jian was held in much higher regard than the dao. Infantry, cavalry, and pirates use the dao because it's [[choppa|an unsophisticated choppy thing for hacking your enemies to bits]] (and more importantly, as a tool for chopping bamboo). Anybody who's anybody fights with the jian because it's stabby, and stabby is the gentlemanly way to fight. If you have a curved sword in a Chinese setting you are a walk-on nobody or a filthy barbarian (either japanese or mongol) and you exist to get slapped around. China is also known for more exotic weapons such as hook swords, butterfly swords, rope darts, wind-and-fire wheels, and other bizarre weaponry that is much more closely associated with specific martial arts than on the battlefield. As with many unarmed martial arts styles, actually fighting utility can be quite varied.<br />
<br />
In addition to melee weapons, China invested heavily in projectile weaponry, in particular inventing the repeating crossbow (chu-ko-nu) for maximum dakka on the battlefield. China is also the birthplace of gunpowder, resulting in such weapons as fire arrows, fire lances, hand cannons, rockets, grenades, etc.<br />
<br />
<br />
==Culture==<br />
There's a lot of it, and it's surprisingly relevant.<br />
<br />
In Western antiquity, there were supposedly four "classical elements," namely air, fire, water, and earth (The Greeks also included aether, but because was an ethereal material that existed beyond earth it was usually left out). You know this. Don't pretend you don't, it's in ''fucking everything''. But, in classical China, there were ''five'': fire, water, earth, ''wood'', and ''metal''. And, just as all of Europe copied the Greeks, all of Asia copied China, with varying degrees of fidelity. Japan, for instance, had void instead of metal and air instead of wood. This more-or-less introduced the idea of "opposing" elements and elemental weaknesses, [https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9f/FiveElementsCycleBalanceImbalance_02_plain.svg via a complex web of interactions]. Think how boring and tactically-flat so many games would be if certain kinds of damage didn't work better on certain enemies!<br />
<br />
Many games play with this alternate elemental system. Aside from ''Legend of the Five Rings'', ''Pathfinder'' and the ''[[Dresden Files RPG]]'' both offer variant rules using it instead of the classics. It certainly makes for an interesting change.<br />
<br />
==Religion==<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, let's talk about religion. While Christianity has its own traditions of warrior-monks, usually represented as [[cleric|clerics]] or [[paladin|paladins]], the Chinese tradition is arguably the most distinctive. Two of the three major Chinese religions/philosophies, taoism and buddhism, emphasize meditation and discipline, which is strenuous to both the body and mind. Thus, they invented systems of exercises to strengthen both, called "kung fu," or, literally, "hard work." <br />
<br />
Then, when they needed to act as local militias defending against marauding bandits, it turned out having intense mental focus and physical stamina made them damn good fighters, and the rest is history. And that, ladies and gentlemen is where the modern ''D&D'' [[monk]] came from. <br />
<br />
In particular, taoist practices emphasize the existence of a kind of underlying substance of which everything is made, called ''qi''. ''Qi'' is a kind of... energy field, created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds [[Star Wars|you get where this joke is going, right]]? Anyway, in ''Exalted'', qi and essence are almost literally the same thing, and the monk and its various similar classes in ''D&D'' have "ki pools" that offer fancy new abilities.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the Chinese ''also'' envisioned Heaven as containing a system, a Celestial Bureaucracy mirroring the one on Earth, that kept the world running according to various agreements and contracts between the gods, and even with mortal rulers via the "mandate of heaven" (a very complex concept that essentially boils down to "success and failure are self justifying"). Most tabletop settings have similar rules, regulations, and restrictions on the gods to explain why they subcontract out to adventurers, and though most of the gods and personalities of, say, the average ''D&D'' campaign setting have more to do with Western paganism than anything recognizably Chinese, the ''system'' of how they operate is more Chinese than Western simply because they ''can't'' just do as they please.<br />
<br />
In more general terms, Chinese religion is a pretty mixed bag that leaves most outsiders confused. Yes, there are the three "main" religions of Taoism, Buddhism, and Confucianism, but they're all considered inclusive of one another, so it's possible to be a practitioner of all three. At a very high level, Taoism is concerned with the nature of existence (and is by far the most vague of the three), while Buddhism is more concerned with the reasoning individual and the trajectory of the soul, and Confucianism focuses on the proper ordering of society (and of the three is the most prescriptive). Traditionally, Chinese society has seen the three as complementary rather than mutually-exclusive, like many Pagan societies, though this has not stopped fundamentalist versions of one (in particular) of the three from trying to wipe out the other two whenever it becomes ascendant (''*cough* the CCP are Confuscians *cough*'').<br />
<br />
Furthermore, you've got the myriad traditions of the ancient folk religion, largely assimilated into Taoism and Confucianism to varying degrees, centered around heaven and ancestor worship. Even after the communist purges, ancient folklore and superstition still has a strong influence among the common people, a fixation on luck being one such example, as you can see from the various lucky charms and statues in your local mom and pop American Chinese restaurant. Another such superstition lead to the creation of "[[Jiangshi|hopping vampires]]"... which are exactly what they sound like. Okay, they're more like zombies with extreme rigor mortis, but you get the idea. Anyways, if you want something that deviates from Western mythological values and religious struggles, the Chinese have an interesting set of ideas.<br />
<br />
There are several other religious established in China of both native and foreign origins. Since the Seventh Century there have been enclaves of Christians in regions in China (and was bolstered during the age of sail) and Islam had become well established in the western regions of the Empire by the Ming Dynasty. Hinduism is established in China, but has been on the decline. There was even a Jewish enclave in the city of Kaifeng.<br />
<br />
==Fun Facts and Moronic Misconceptions about China==<br />
<br />
* There is technically no singular Chinese language, instead you have a few dominant spoken tongues (politically classified as dialects) like Cantonese and Mandarin followed by a gorillion smaller dialects. They do share a common written script (though that too is split between Simplified and Traditional) so even if a Cantonese and Shanghaiese speaker can’t speak to each other, they can at least communicate with writing to a modest extent. The closest analogy would be an Italian and a Portuguese person (shared Latin root and alphabet but not necessarily mutually intelligible tongues).<br />
<br />
* China is one of the oldest polities in the world in terms of broad cultural continuity, meaning that while other nations would radically change or get supplanted, China was more or less enduringly Chinese.<br />
<br />
* As with dialects/language, the country is actually composed of a number of ethnicities, the dominant being the Han, followed by the Mongols, Manchu and Zhuang.<br />
<br />
* Yes - cats, dogs, bats and other critters are on the menu, though this has less to do with extreme Chinese omnivorism and more with the fact that famines were so bad that it was either that weird animal-thing or starvation. Having rice 7 days a week is prosperity, when times get bad you eat tree bark and grass.<br />
<br />
* The Song dynasty (960. - 1279.) was remarkably tech-savy and had intensive industry in steel production and coal mining, being close to the 18th century Europe and possibly to industrialization. They were in the cusp of moving from feudalism to a more cosmopolitan and mercantile society. For better or worse, this was cut short by, you guessed it - the Mongols.<br />
<br />
==See also==<br />
[[Cathay]]<br />
<br />
[[Category: History]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=User_talk:2d4fag&diff=1009127User talk:2d4fag2026-03-21T14:33:14Z<p>Pachinko Man: /* Hey */ Reply</p>
<hr />
<div>== Spice and Wolf ==<br />
<br />
Why was the page cut, especially since it was there when 2d4 came back (and was part of it's gimmick ad)? Plus it leaves red links all across the 2d4 [[Special:Contributions/46.205.196.189|46.205.196.189]] 18:46, 16 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
:It is not relevant to /tg/. Keep it in relegated to [[Approved Anime]]. I did not create the thread that advertised the return of this site.--[[User:2d4fag|2d4fag]] ([[User talk:2d4fag|talk]]) 03:52, 21 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
:Ironically, back in 1d4, I was the only one that wanted to delete the page. All the soon-to-be 1d6 editors wanted to keep it, porn included.--[[User:2d4fag|2d4fag]] ([[User talk:2d4fag|talk]]) 03:55, 21 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
::One of the most /tg/ and 4chan things ever isn't relevant, says some asshat. Can't wait to see the domain goes down, like it already did twice so far<br />
<br />
== RE: Remove those joke templates they put at the top of the page ==<br />
<br />
Outta curiosity, what was wrong with the joke templates to start? Were they considered cluttering or what? [[Special:Contributions/50.65.212.96|50.65.212.96]] 00:45, 17 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
:Yes they were cluttering. They line up in a big stack at the top of the page and don't really serve a useful or entertaining purpose. [[User:2d4fag|2d4fag]] ([[User talk:2d4fag|talk]]) 14:15, 17 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
::They do though. Originally they were related to the massive infobox stacks that many mediawiki-based sites accumulate. The homos who took over the wiki went too far with it, as tropers always do, but wholesale nuking is not advisable. The oldest templates (awesome, heresy, cleanup, skub) should stay. [[User:Pachinko Man|Pachinko Man]] ([[User talk:Pachinko Man|talk]]) 15:21, 15 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Compromised Historical Preservation ==<br />
<br />
i extraneously disapprove of both the campaign & /tg/heim's erasure, what kind of archive does that?, in any case if you are sticking to your guns, a simple search will reveal that there are still 30 pages related to /tg/heim if you search for it & a lot more linking to campaigns, in fact one escaped your nuking [[TG/heim:_The_Forsaken_of_Mermedus_(Norse_Warband)]], you should have blocked editing of them after adding a warning that they are left as historical records instead of deleting them, you disgust me.<br />
<br />
as an aside, i know it was barebone(singular), but is what was done to the [[Fatemasters]] page really acceptable? [[User:PrincessLoverEleventeen|PrincessLoverEleventeen]] ([[User talk:PrincessLoverEleventeen|talk]]) 15:59, 20 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
:This is no longer an archive.--[[User:2d4fag|2d4fag]] ([[User talk:2d4fag|talk]]) 03:00, 21 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
::Then I guess you can go fuck yourself with your shitty offshot, then<br />
<br />
== Please do not an hero ==<br />
<br />
Why the hell would you do that? People are finally starting to use the fucking site after learning what massive faggotrons the suptg guys are. [[User:Pachinko Man|Pachinko Man]] ([[User talk:Pachinko Man|talk]]) 15:12, 15 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Active? ==<br />
* [https://2d4chan.org/wiki/Special:ListUsers?username=&group=sysop&wpsubmit=&wpFormIdentifier=mw-listusers-form&limit=50 He's the only admin], and [https://2d4chan.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2d4fag he was last seen doing actions on 3th May]. So he's active or not? --[[User:Sdhjk|Sdhjk]] ([[User talk:Sdhjk|talk]]) 13:59, 27 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
** So, he was last inactive for roughly 3 months. Is that normal? --[[User:Sdhjk|Sdhjk]] ([[User talk:Sdhjk|talk]]) 19:15, 29 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
**:He has abandoned the ship. You did not know? [[Special:Contributions/88.188.8.167|88.188.8.167]] 16:18, 1 September 2025 (UTC)<br />
**:You know about him? Like - why he did it, or whether or not it's possible for him to come back (guaranteed to come away?)? --[[User:Sdhjk|Sdhjk]] ([[User talk:Sdhjk|talk]]) 16:27, 1 September 2025 (UTC)<br />
**::Read the last sentence of his user page. [[Special:Contributions/90.80.221.226|90.80.221.226]] 13:41, 2 September 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== You are alive?! ==<br />
<br />
This comes as a surprise. I was sure you had given up. What changed? - [[User:Gilten|Gilten]] ([[User talk:Gilten|talk]]) 16:32, 30 December 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Hey ==<br />
<br />
Holy fuck you're lazy and that suicide baiting stunt you pulled as an excuse just makes you a real loser. [[Special:Contributions/185.220.101.40|185.220.101.40]] 02:30, 23 January 2026 (UTC)<br />
<br />
:maybe if you stopped rage blanking everything (which I could fix in like an hour with shell access btw) [[User:Pachinko Man|Pachinko Man]] ([[User talk:Pachinko Man|talk]]) 14:33, 21 March 2026 (UTC)</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=User_talk:2d4fag&diff=1009126User talk:2d4fag2026-03-21T14:31:51Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008987 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>== Spice and Wolf ==<br />
<br />
Why was the page cut, especially since it was there when 2d4 came back (and was part of it's gimmick ad)? Plus it leaves red links all across the 2d4 [[Special:Contributions/46.205.196.189|46.205.196.189]] 18:46, 16 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
:It is not relevant to /tg/. Keep it in relegated to [[Approved Anime]]. I did not create the thread that advertised the return of this site.--[[User:2d4fag|2d4fag]] ([[User talk:2d4fag|talk]]) 03:52, 21 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
:Ironically, back in 1d4, I was the only one that wanted to delete the page. All the soon-to-be 1d6 editors wanted to keep it, porn included.--[[User:2d4fag|2d4fag]] ([[User talk:2d4fag|talk]]) 03:55, 21 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
::One of the most /tg/ and 4chan things ever isn't relevant, says some asshat. Can't wait to see the domain goes down, like it already did twice so far<br />
<br />
== RE: Remove those joke templates they put at the top of the page ==<br />
<br />
Outta curiosity, what was wrong with the joke templates to start? Were they considered cluttering or what? [[Special:Contributions/50.65.212.96|50.65.212.96]] 00:45, 17 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
:Yes they were cluttering. They line up in a big stack at the top of the page and don't really serve a useful or entertaining purpose. [[User:2d4fag|2d4fag]] ([[User talk:2d4fag|talk]]) 14:15, 17 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
::They do though. Originally they were related to the massive infobox stacks that many mediawiki-based sites accumulate. The homos who took over the wiki went too far with it, as tropers always do, but wholesale nuking is not advisable. The oldest templates (awesome, heresy, cleanup, skub) should stay. [[User:Pachinko Man|Pachinko Man]] ([[User talk:Pachinko Man|talk]]) 15:21, 15 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Compromised Historical Preservation ==<br />
<br />
i extraneously disapprove of both the campaign & /tg/heim's erasure, what kind of archive does that?, in any case if you are sticking to your guns, a simple search will reveal that there are still 30 pages related to /tg/heim if you search for it & a lot more linking to campaigns, in fact one escaped your nuking [[TG/heim:_The_Forsaken_of_Mermedus_(Norse_Warband)]], you should have blocked editing of them after adding a warning that they are left as historical records instead of deleting them, you disgust me.<br />
<br />
as an aside, i know it was barebone(singular), but is what was done to the [[Fatemasters]] page really acceptable? [[User:PrincessLoverEleventeen|PrincessLoverEleventeen]] ([[User talk:PrincessLoverEleventeen|talk]]) 15:59, 20 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
:This is no longer an archive.--[[User:2d4fag|2d4fag]] ([[User talk:2d4fag|talk]]) 03:00, 21 February 2025 (UTC)<br />
::Then I guess you can go fuck yourself with your shitty offshot, then<br />
<br />
== Please do not an hero ==<br />
<br />
Why the hell would you do that? People are finally starting to use the fucking site after learning what massive faggotrons the suptg guys are. [[User:Pachinko Man|Pachinko Man]] ([[User talk:Pachinko Man|talk]]) 15:12, 15 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Active? ==<br />
* [https://2d4chan.org/wiki/Special:ListUsers?username=&group=sysop&wpsubmit=&wpFormIdentifier=mw-listusers-form&limit=50 He's the only admin], and [https://2d4chan.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2d4fag he was last seen doing actions on 3th May]. So he's active or not? --[[User:Sdhjk|Sdhjk]] ([[User talk:Sdhjk|talk]]) 13:59, 27 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
** So, he was last inactive for roughly 3 months. Is that normal? --[[User:Sdhjk|Sdhjk]] ([[User talk:Sdhjk|talk]]) 19:15, 29 July 2025 (UTC)<br />
**:He has abandoned the ship. You did not know? [[Special:Contributions/88.188.8.167|88.188.8.167]] 16:18, 1 September 2025 (UTC)<br />
**:You know about him? Like - why he did it, or whether or not it's possible for him to come back (guaranteed to come away?)? --[[User:Sdhjk|Sdhjk]] ([[User talk:Sdhjk|talk]]) 16:27, 1 September 2025 (UTC)<br />
**::Read the last sentence of his user page. [[Special:Contributions/90.80.221.226|90.80.221.226]] 13:41, 2 September 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== You are alive?! ==<br />
<br />
This comes as a surprise. I was sure you had given up. What changed? - [[User:Gilten|Gilten]] ([[User talk:Gilten|talk]]) 16:32, 30 December 2025 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Hey ==<br />
<br />
Holy fuck you're lazy and that suicide baiting stunt you pulled as an excuse just makes you a real loser. [[Special:Contributions/185.220.101.40|185.220.101.40]] 02:30, 23 January 2026 (UTC)</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=4chan&diff=10091254chan2026-03-21T14:31:24Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008989 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Category:Imageboards]]<br />
[[Category:4chan]]<br />
'''4chan''' is the closest thing you can get to the [[Eye_of_Terror|asshole of the universe]], in a 'good' way. 4Chan was created by <strike>some cunt called</strike> the living hybrid and incarnation of the [[God-Emperor]], [[Tzeentch]], and [[Slaanesh]] in the form of a man called [[moot]]. Almost anything can be posted and you can find damn near what you want under any of these tabs, but most contain porn of some form, including:<br />
*Furry porn.<br />
**Transsexual furry porn.<br />
***Transsexual interracial furry porn.<br />
****Transsexual interracial [[what|Shitting Dick Nipple]] furry porn.<br />
*****Don't make me continue.<br />
<br />
Some boards are largely run and controlled by their [[Mod|moderators]], who are unpredictable teenage faggots with no idea how to manage groups of people. Exactly as Moot intended in all of his infinite wisdom. <s>You can only gripe about them on /q/, where they disguise themselves as anonymous and troll complaints relentlessly.</s> Scratch that. Moot got tired of having a board where his staff constantly outed themselves as corrupt misanthropes, so it's been deleted. <sup><small>Don't worry, they've instead started talking to VICE news. great success!</small></sup><br />
<br />
As of now, <s>Moot and the Moot State hold complete primacy over 4chan</s> disregard that, Moot's dead. Any disparaging discussion about our Glorious Leader will be deleted from all boards with the offending poster summarily executed. Only in this manner can 4chan hope to become a productive website competitive with the great foes, <s>Facebook</s>'''META''' and Reddit. Posters are encouraged to write posts clearly, without connotation, and without presence of doublespeak if they want to avoid being banned from the world's most Prosperous and Prolific website.<br />
<br />
On the 23rd of November, 2018 our Glorious Leader moved all the SFW boards -including [[/tg/]]- to the domain name 4channel and left the [[NSFW]] boards on the traditional 4chan domain. This was explicitly stated to be a ploy to dupe advertising companies, who would otherwise never advertise on 4chan, because, functionally, almost nothing changed. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
{|border=0<br />
|- valign=top<br />
|<br />
Japanese Culture<br />
* [[/a/|Anime & Manga]] (a)<br />
* Anime/Cute (c)<br />
* Anime/Wallpapers (w)<br />
* [[/m/|Mecha]] (m)<br />
* Cosplay & EGL (cgl)<br />
* Cute/Male (cm)<br />
* <strike>Flash (f)</strike> - <small>because of the big hack, they can't support swf's no more</small><br />
* Transportation (n)<br />
* Otaku Culture (fp)<br />
* Virtual YouTubers (vt)<br />
Video Games<br />
* [[/v/|Video Games]] (v)<br />
* Video Game Generals (vg)<br />
* Video Games/Multiplayer (vm)<br />
* Video Games/Mobile (vmg)<br />
* Pokémon (vp)<br />
* Retro Games (vr)<br />
* Video Games/RPG (vrpg)<br />
* Video Games/Strategy (vst)<br />
|<br />
Interests<br />
* [[/co/|Comics & Cartoons]] (co)<br />
* Technology (g)<br />
* [[/tv/|Television & Film]] (tv)<br />
* [[/k/|Weapons]] (k)<br />
* Auto (o)<br />
* Animals & Nature (an)<br />
* [[/tg/|Traditional Games]] (tg)<br />
* Sports (sp)<br />
* Extreme Sports (xs)<br />
* Professional Wrestling (pw)<br />
* Science & Math (sci)<br />
* History & Humanities (his)<br />
* International (int)<br />
* Outdoors (out)<br />
* [[/toy/|Toys]] (toy)<br />
|<br />
Creative<br />
* Oekaki (i)<br />
* Papercraft & Origami (po)<br />
* Photography (p)<br />
* Food & Cooking (ck)<br />
* Artwork/Critique (ic)<br />
* Wallpapers/General (wg)<br />
* Literature (lit)<br />
* Music (mu)<br />
* Fashion (fa)<br />
* 3DCG (3)<br />
* Graphic Design (gd)<br />
* Do-It-Yourself (diy)<br />
* Worksafe GIF (wsg)<br />
* [[/qst/|Quests]] (qst)<br />
|<br />
Other<br />
* Business & Finance (biz)<br />
* Travel (trv)<br />
* [[/fit/|Fitness]] (fit)<br />
* Paranormal (x)<br />
* Advice (adv)<br />
* LGBT (lgbt)<br />
* Pony (mlp)<br />
* Current News (news)<br />
* Worksafe Requests (wsr)<br />
* Very Important Posts (vip)<br />
Misc. (18+)<br />
* [[/b/|Random]] (b)<br />
* ROBOT9001 (r9k)<br />
* [[/pol/|Politics]] (pol)<br />
* International/Random (bant)<br />
* Cams & Meetups (soc)<br />
* Shit 4chan Says (s4s)<br />
|<br />
Adult (18+)<br />
* Sexy Beautiful Women (s)<br />
* Hardcore (hc)<br />
* Handsome Men (hm)<br />
* Hentai (h)<br />
* Ecchi (e)<br />
* Yuri (u)<br />
* [[/d/|Hentai/Alternative]] (d)<br />
* Yaoi (y)<br />
* Torrents (t)<br />
* High Resolution (hr)<br />
* Adult GIF (gif)<br />
* [[/aco/|Adult Cartoons]] (aco)<br />
* Adult Requests (r)<br />
<br />
|}<br />
<br />
== The boardgames of 4chan ==<br />
This explains 4chan subforums so that elegan/tg/entlefolk can easily understand.<br><br />
[[Image:4chan_gaming_basement.jpg|944px|center]]<br />
<br />
== See Also ==<br />
* [[Board-tans]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Imperial_Guard&diff=1009124Imperial Guard2026-03-21T14:31:08Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008990 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>{{Awesome}}<br />
[[File:Macharius Charge.png|500px|thumb|right|And his name struck fear into the hearts of men.]]<br />
{{Topquote|Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood."<br>"Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men.|George S. Patton}}<br />
<br />
{{Topquote|When one has two hundred artillery pieces per kilometer of the frontline, he does not report contact with the enemy or ask for whereabouts. He reports successful breakthroughs and asks for further orders.|Attributed to Aleksandr Vasilevsky}}<br />
<br />
{{Topquote|Hey guys, they're called Astra Militarum now!|Game Workshop, shortly before everyone proceeded to ignore them.}}<br />
<br />
The '''Imperial Guard''' (officially titled the '''Astra Militarum''' as of [[Warhammer 40,000 6th Edition|6th Edition]], ‘cause fuck your original name if GW can't trademark it), also known as [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device| '''THE WALL OF GUNS''']], are the foot soldiers of the [[Imperium]] in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. They exist only to fight (and die) gloriously in the [[Emprah]]'s name. [[Commissar]]s (like [[Holt]] and [[Ciaphas Cain]]) ensure that they do so regularly, and any cowards or deserters tend to be summarily executed. During the [[Great Crusade]], the Emperor only intended for them to be [[Solar Auxilia|auxilia]] for his [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHRENS]] (and to man masses of tanks, artillery, and aircraft). After [[Horus Heresy|Horus' little tantrum]] and the [[Second Founding|breakup of the Legions]], trillions upon trillions of humans were drafted to make up for the difference. Although these are, for the most part, mere men and women, they have held the line in the Imperium's wars for 10,000 years. Many consider their dogged perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds to be what makes them so balls-to-the-wall [[awesome]].<br />
<br />
It is recommended that you put either [https://youtube/CIGHCoVzqtk] or [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhqWHIq-aZw] on loop before reading the rest of this article.<br />
<br />
Basically, the Imperial Guard is what happens when you remember that quantity has a quality all its own, and that there is no problem that can't be solved via the application of a sufficient level of [[Dakka|firepower]]. While the elite forces of the Imperium gain all the glory, the Imperial Guard wages war on thousands of fronts with or without support. They are the soldiers of Humanity who fight and die in numbers beyond counting.<br />
<br />
Without the Imperial Guard, the Imperium could not exist.<br />
<br />
==Overview==<br />
It is worth noting that in a universe where opposing armies include:<br />
<br />
* Cults of [[Space Marines|genetically-engineered killing machines]];<br />
* Cults of [[Chaos Space Marines|EVIL genetically-engineered killing machines]], with a variety of sorcerous powers;<br />
* [[Ork|Barbaric super-fungi]] that grow in size and number the more you fight them;<br />
* [[Eldar|Creepy space elves]] with psychic powers, incomprehensible technology, and a habit of materializing out of nowhere;<br />
* [[Dark Eldar|EVIL PIRATE creepy space elves]] that literally get off on making others suffer, whose creative use of slaves makes an agonizing death seem merciful;<br />
* [[Harlequins|Extra creepy space elf clowns]] whose motives are obscure even among the rest of the space elves and make it their collective goal to turn mass slaughter into a literal art form;<br />
* [[Tau|Samurai space communists]] with AI-enhanced battlemechs, infinite firepower and [[Kroot|cannibal dinosaurs]] in tow;<br />
* Endless swarms of [[Tyranid|screeching, hyper-evolved space bugs]] that, combined, spew voracious parasites and corrosive acid from more orifices than most forces have bullets;<br />
* Nightmarish [[Genestealer Cult|hybrid abominations]] that infest the darkest corners of your world until they breed enough thralls to overwhelm your armies and summon the aforementioned space locusts;<br />
* [[Daemon|Extradimensional monsters]] that live to [[Khorne|slaughter]], [[Tzeentch|corrupt]], [[Nurgle|infect]], and [[Slaanesh|violate]] mortal bodies, before tearing out their souls to do it all again, but ''much slower'';<br />
* [[Lost and the Damned|Your former friends,]] having forsaken themselves to the above creatures;<br />
* [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Martian Illuminati]] with ancient war machines, a monopoly on modern technology, and religious objections to humans attached to their original limbs;<br />
* [[Adepta Sororitas|Fanatic warrior nuns]] who can heal themselves through prayer;<br />
* [[Inquisition|A shadowy secret police]] who will have you executed for simply blinking wrong;<br />
* [[Imperial Knight|Multi-story bipedal mechs]] bristling with tank-sundering guns from head to man-crushing toe;<br />
* [[Chaos Knight|EVIL Multi-story bipedal mechs]] bristling with tank-sundering guns from head to man-crushing toe;<br />
* [[Necron|Nigh-immortal zombie robots]] that snuff out stars for kicks;<br />
* [[Leagues of Votann|Cyborg midgets]] with the technology you've long since lost, who will never, ''ever'' forget you;<br />
<br />
[[File:Trance.jpg|300px|right|thumb|"Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games!"]]<br />
... the foot soldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing but [[Flak Armour|flak armor]], [[Lasgun|glorified laser pointers]], a ''highly'' variable amount of training, [[Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer|some toilet paper]], and a pair of Mars-pattern, titanium-plated balls. In truth, a typical Guardsman's equipment is ''significantly'' more effective than the gear fielded by any real-world modern nation. It's just that the threats a Guardsman must face are often incomprehensible in comparison. As such, the Guard makes up the difference with numbers, overwhelming firepower, and sheer nerve.<br />
<br />
In many cases the Imperial Guard will function as a sort of galaxy-spanning firefighting force, responding to uprisings, rebellions, and other threats as needed. When a world is threatened by a major invasion, the local PDF is expected use its extensive network of defensive assets to hold the line until external help arrives. In the vast majority of situations, that help will consist of the Imperial Guard. In theory if not always in practice, the arrival of an Imperial Guard army is intended to end any such threats, with or without additional help from specialist formations such as the [[Space Marine]]s and the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]].<br />
<br />
It would be a mistake to assume that the Guard's sole purpose is simply to help the PDF hold out until ''even more'' help arrives at some indeterminate point in the future. On the contrary, the Guard's purpose is to ''end the threat''. They are, sometimes quite literally, [[Rough Riders|the cavalry riding to the rescue]].<br />
<br />
On that note, there's an important detail to remember here: while the Imperial Guard does indeed perform a defensive role, it is ''also'' the Imperium's primary ground-based ''offensive'' force. Even it’s defensive actions are usually more like attacking the attacker than holding a literal line. When a Crusade is called, it is almost always the Imperial Guard that will provide the vast majority of the Crusade's fighting strength. Depending on the nature of the threat, dozens or even hundreds of regiments will be called up; a fighting strength in the tens of millions would be considered quite ordinary. Vast formations of infantry from varied worlds will be supported by columns of tanks and other armored vehicles, air support, and artillery... very, very large amounts of artillery. The pictures you see in sourcebooks that depict vast numbers of doggedly advancing human soldiers aren't just artistic license- this is ''actually'' how many Guard armies prefer to fight, a sheer wall of firepower stretching from horizon to horizon that nothing can stand against, and against which fancy tactical maneuvering means very little. This is why the Imperial Guard has the nickname, "Hammer of the Emperor".<br />
<br />
==Recruitment and Deployment==<br />
<br />
Every Imperial world is expected to pay the [[Imperial Tithe]], which is essentially a tax that supports the greater Imperium. This tithe includes the expectation that the world will produce certain goods and resources, that it will comply with Imperial doctrines, and that it will provide a regular levy of soldiers for induction into the Imperial Guard.<br />
<br />
The exact amount of soldiery that a world is expected to contribute is based on an arcane formula that even the most wizened member of the [[Administratum]] would struggle to fully explain. Nevertheless, contribute each world must, for a Governor who fails to meet the Tithe will find no sympathy, and risk being branded as a renegade. Aside from this, the quality of the soldiers being contributed is not necessarily important. Many worlds take great pride in drawing new Guard regiments from the best and brightest of their PDF, where such foundings are a matter of great pomp and circumstance. Many of these make a point of contributing Guard levies far in excess of their required tithes. On other worlds, prospective recruits will compete with each other (sometimes bloodlessly, sometimes not) for the right to wage the Imperium's wars. On yet others, the tithe will be filled with undesirables and criminals.<br />
<br />
While the exact manner in which a new founding is equipped is not standardized either, it ''is'' expected that the new formation should be ready and able to fight, and the Governor who neglects this requirement risks drawing the ire of the Administratum. Otherwise, the precise character, fighting style, and preferences of the regiment will of course be colored by the world that it was drawn from.<br />
<br />
In some cases that are experiencing an active war zone, such as on [[Armageddon]], new foundings will be deployed directly to theaters on their home world. Most often, however, the [[Departmento Munitorum]] will coordinate with the Imperial Navy as to where the regiment goes next. The first stop will often be to a nearby Forge World, where the regiment will receive additional gear, equipment, and vehicles. If they are very lucky, a regiment might even receive one or more super-heavy tanks such as the [[Baneblade]]. All the while the regiment will continue training, while its newly assigned [[Commissar]]s work to stamp out any lingering weakness and disloyalty. Soon enough, the new regiment will find itself deployed in one of the Imperium's endless number of conflicts.<br />
<br />
It is important to note that once they are deployed off-world, a Guardsman will never see their home planet again, aside from certain highly rare and unusual exceptions.<br />
<br />
A regiment's first taste of combat is often a very difficult crucible, and it is one that many regiments do not survive at all. If it does, then the regiment will continue to be deployed as long as it retains fighting strength. Eventually, a regiment that might once have consisted of thousands of soldiers might be whittled down to only a few hundred survivors, or even down to just a single squad. By then such hard-bitten veterans will often consist of some of the toughest and most experienced soldiers that the Imperial Guard has to offer. These survivors are often folded into another regiment where their talents can be transferred to the greener troops. In other cases, two understrength regiments might be combined to form a completely new regiment with a new founding number. In very rare circumstances, a regiment that has fought with distinction through many, many campaigns will be granted the honor of colonizing a newly captured world. For most guardsmen, this distant and highly unlikely outcome is the only hope for a life after service.<br />
<br />
Therefore, although the average frontline Guardsman does not have good odds of surviving his first deployment, some ''do'' survive, and these veteran soldiers may accumulate ''decades'' of experience. They are some of the manliest motherfuckers the Imperium has to offer, capable of putting even the fucking SPESS MEHRENS to shame. Disturbingly, if Imperial Guard tactics advanced from WWI-style warfare (<s>overuse of artillery</s> (modern militaries make use of artillery spam whenever possible) and mass charges against machine guns and tanks) to modern military strategies (such as taking cover and using air/armor/support, which while many elite regiments often do, there’s so much damn variety you can't really have good quality control), the Imperial Guard ''could'' become the most feared army in the whole universe. But '''NO''', that's not [[grimdark]] enough! However, do note that while the Imperium is generally unconcerned with individual casualties, and while some commanders do therefore order their men to charge enemy lines with or without heavy armor/artillery support and regardless of terrain, fluff has also noted that incompetent commanders who are ''wantonly wasteful'' of Imperial resources tend to be weeded out rather quickly by the Commissariat.<br />
<br />
Examples of Guardsmen going above and beyond even this inherent badassery, demonstrating the possession of testicles so massive they should be deployed in battle as a separate unit, are plentiful: [[Ollanius Pius]] is one such Guardsman, standing up to fucking [[Horus]] himself (depending on whose canon you prefer). [[Dawn of War]] sees the Blood Ravens running into a pair of Guardsmen who have held their position, without support, in the middle of a combined Chaos/Ork/Eldar invasion, for more than a week. [[Dawn of War II]] has Guardsmen rescued in an earlier mission returning in the finale to provide infantry support while the Blood Ravens launch an attack... on a fucking [[Tyranid]] hive. These same guardsmen (led by the ever awesome [[Merrick|Sergeant Merrick]]) SURVIVE the suicidal mission and fight on for ''ten more years'' against the remnants of the Tyranids/Orks/Eldar. A different group of about 72 loyal Guardsmen also managed to hold out for those ten years. In a frozen wasteland. Surrounded by former comrades taken by Nurgle, bands of Black Legion Chaos Marines, and a growing Daemonic incursion.<br />
<br />
Fluff-wise it seems that the Guard's most common methods of war are to use lots of heavy weapons, tanks, and artillery to smash the fuck out of the enemy while Guardsmen mop up the shards of their foe while supported by more heavy weapons, special weapons, and Infantry Fighting Vehicles. So, honestly, the combined arms doctrine of the Imperial Guard is really fucking powerful even without considering their numbers are so vast they could just drown you with their own blood and corpses, and the paper to write the report on for said casualties would be literally not worth the paper. On top of that, their flak armor (which includes flak shirt and flak pants apparently) actually gives pretty good protection against stub weapons and most other mid-tech small arms. Keep in mind that the Imperial Guard are often fighting other humans such as rebels most of the time, who nearly always use stubbers and armor inferior to Guard flak armor. When fighting things that make mince meat of Guardsmen, the Guard tends to utilize concentrations of artillery, air support, tanks, superheavy vehicles, IFVs, and heavy weapons of all kinds to smash the enemy so the infantry merely has to occupy the smoldering crater that once consisted of the enemy's position.<br />
<br />
In short... do '''''NOT''''' fuck with the Imperial Guard!<br />
<br />
==Standard-Issue Equipment and Knick-Knacks==<br />
<br />
It is known that the Imperial Guard is (in)famously known as the dudes in [[Flak Armour|T-shirts]] and [[Lasgun|Flashlights]], but did you know that the 'Guard also carries a bunch of other stuff that may aid his/her's merry journey of murder? Whilst each regiment may differ on what [[count as]] 'standard-issue', what they do share in common however, are a shit ton of equipment that all Guardsmen no matter their background usually lug around with them. These are:<br />
<br />
====[[Lasgun]] Weapons Case and Maintenance Kit==== <br />
[[File:IIUPLasgun.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Lasgun with accessories.]]<br />
No duh. Your standard-issue flashlight is given to ''all'' Guardsmen upon their first enlistment into the Astra Militarum. Each Lasgun comes inside a weapon's case which in itself contains several accessories inside its maintenance kit such as:<br />
<br />
*'''Lasgun''' (Pattern varies): Your standard flashlight you all know and love. The pattern of lasgun varies depending on which regiment you came from, but overall, this is your most trusted friend on the battlefield. Learn to take care of it as it is better to shoot things dead from afar than to kill things up close and personal.<br />
*'''Lasgun Power Pack''': ''THE'' most important part of your Lasgun weapon's case outside of the Lasgun itself. You can't fire a Lasgun if you have no power pack, can you? Each Lasgun always comes equipped with ''one'' power pack to ensure that each weapon is combat-ready from the get-go. The power pack is obviously separated from the Lasgun itself to avoid 'accidental misfires'. In addition to this, each Guardsman is issued with four additional power packs in case the original was either lost, ran out of ammunition, or was damaged.<br />
*'''Long Pattern Bayonet/Combat Knife with Sheath''': Each Lasgun weapon's case comes equipped with the standard-issue butterknife. Like the Lasgun, the knife's pattern varies from regiment to regiment. It always comes in a sheath to prevent accidental self-harm and is always pre-sharpened. Guardsmen can carry the knife as a standalone weapon if they so choose, although some may just attach it to their Lasguns before being forced to bayonet charge a tank. By far the most versatile weapon as it can also be used for non-military roles such as cooking, chopping wood, or making other arts and crafts.<br />
*'''Targeters/Scopes''': Not ''really'' standard-issue but can be requested by your regiment. A targeter or a scope is designed to improve a Guardsmen's accuracy over conventional iron sights. The style of scopes may vary depending on where you're from, but they all serve the same purpose. To be issued a scope, a Guardsman must prove to his superiors that s/he can actually aim for shit as their lensing materials are quite expensive. The ranging accuracy for most scopes/targeters is +/- two metres under most circumstances. The max range of a scope depends on the reflectivity of the target and the environmental conditions at the time of firing. Guardsman who have these neat equipments should always attempt to shoot his/her's target at a 90 degree angle as this is more likely to provide an accurate range (Take note, this is only for conventional Sniper Rifles, Long-Las avoid such a thing due to the nature of lasers). A scope/targeter can have its magnification distance adjusted depending on the shooter's preferences.<br />
*'''Sight Calibrator''': As its name implies, a piece of equipment that allows the Guardsmen to adjust the weapon's sight according to his/her's preference and comfort. May or may not be for a targeting laser attachment, but since no Lasgun actually were seen with such attachments, it can be assumed to be for the standard-issue optic sight. Mostly consists of small tools such as screwdrivers and the like to adjust the aiming reticle, etc.<br />
*'''Sanctioned Cleaning Agent''': As its name implies, it is a bottle of cleaning agent meant to nick away the grime after battle and to improve the lifecycle of the Lasgun alongside your other weapons and tools. Quite important in maintaining the firing lens of a Lasgun as any attached dirt sticking on the Lasgun's lens will flash-vapourise; damaging the lens in the process. Most likely a water-free agent, so you can just dip it on your standard-issue soft-cloth and proceed to clean your weapon so when the day comes for parades, you don't end up looking like a [[murderhobo]].<br />
*'''Oiling Agent''': A small bottle of oil that may or may not overlap with the [[Derp|Bottle of Sacred Oil of Lubrication]], so consider the latter as a spare. An Oiling Agent is used to 'grease-up' your weapons to prevent jamming. Given that the Lasgun has little to no moving parts, it is most likely reserved for your Autopistol.<br />
*'''Bottle of Sacred Unguent of Cleansing''': Somewhat akin to the above mentioned Sanctioned Cleaning Agent. The Bottle of Sacred Unguent of Cleansing is a vial containing a water-free vial that cleanse any dirt or grime on your weapons and equipment. Most likely a superior version of a Cleaning Agent in a sense that it has most likely be 'blessed' to ensure a tip-top shine. Given how religious this bottle sounds, there's definitely a use for this against Warp-like shenanigans such as Nurgle's taint.<br />
*'''Bottle of Sacred Oil of Lubrication''': The aforementioned Bottle of Sacred Oil of Lubrication. Like the Bottle of Sacred Unguent of Cleansing, the Bottle of Sacred Oil of Lubrication is most likely a superior version of your average Oiling Agent that is most likely 'blessed' by a Techpriest. Again, seems to be used against [[Heresy|heretical taint]] whilst also offering better lubrication to your weapons or vehicles.<br />
*'''Tin of Blessed Sealing Wax''': A small metal tin containing solidified sealing wax. It is not a sealing wax meant for Purity Seals however. When heated, the wax would liquefy. Once melted, one can than pour the liquefied wax to 'fix' a broken piece of equipment or seal a written message for communication purposes. <br />
*'''Blessed Soft-Cloth for Swabbing''': Your standard-issue cleaning cloth the size of a large handkerchief. A relatively smooth cloth that makes it great for either cleaning your tools or lubricating your weapons. One of the most important piece of equipment when maintaining your Lasgun, as without it, wear and tear will suffice.<br />
*'''Holy Toolbox with Repair Instruments''': Each Lasgun weapon's case comes with a secondary case in the complete package. This separate case holds the necessary tools needed in case your Lasgun or other weapon breaks down. The toolbox may contain a wrench, screwdrivers, additional screws, additional batteries, spare electrical equipment, hammers, a saw and spare binding agents.<br />
*'''Spare Lasgun Stock''': A spare Lasgun stock that comes with an engraved icon of faith. In case your current gun stock gets damaged, you got a spare around. May come in different style's of gunstock depending on your both your regiment and preferences. Stock may come in plastic, wood, metal or is completely collapsible, it is up to you to mix-and-match.<br />
*'''Spare Lasgun Barrel''': A spare Lasgun barrel engraved with an icon of true-shot. Like the gunstock, this is a spare in case your Lasgun's lens barrel gets damaged or worn out. This spare is there for when you want to still shoot whilst waiting for the [[Administratum]] to offer you a new one.<br />
<gallery><br />
File:Power_Pack_Lasgun.PNG|Different styles of Lasgun power packs.<br />
File:Bayonets.PNG|An assortment of bayonets.<br />
File:Scopes.PNG|An assortment of scopes.<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
====[[Autopistol]]/[[Laspistol]]====<br />
[[File:Autopistol_Image.PNG|200px|right|thumb|A standard Autopistol.]]<br />
The ''secondary'' weapon issued by Guardsmen. Depending on the regiment, a Guardsmen after being issued with his Lasgun, would then be issued his sidearm which can either be a Laspistol or an Autopistol. Like its bigger brother, these pistol also come with its own weapon's case although its maintenance have to be shared with it big brother which comes in everything. These are:<br />
<br />
*'''Autopistol/Laspistol''': Depending on the regiment as aforementioned, you may be equipped with either the bang-bang or the pew-pew variety of pistols. They all come cleaned and furbished inside their case.<br />
*'''Autopistol Clip''': Each Autopistol comes equipped with a single <s>clip</s> magazine of bullets alongside five additional magazines as standard. Like the Lasgun, the Autopistol and its magazine is separated to avoid a misfiring. Guardsmen may be issued more magazines for their Autopistols if there is enough stock within the regiment's armoury which can be requested via a form to HR. Just pray the [[Administratum]] arrives in time for a entirely new batch of ammo in case the armoury is emptied out.<br />
*'''Muzzle Rod and Swab''': A cleaning rod with cloth that is meant to clean out your Autopistol or any slug-throwing combustion guns. Definitely not meant for the Lasgun as it technically has no rifling. But for conventional slug-throwers, it may come in handy for maintaining and cleaning out any grime stuck inside the barrel; improving its lifespan and weapons safety.<br />
*'''Laspistol Power Pack''': Unlike the Lasgun, it seem that the Laspistol is only offered one power pack to come along with the product. Like its big brother, the power pack is the most important part of the Laspistol and it also comes separate to avoid misfiring. The power pack itself is smaller and weigh dramatically less than its larger brother.<br />
<br />
====[[Grenades & Explosives|Grenades]]====<br />
[[File:Frag_Grenade_Internal.PNG|120px|right|thumb|An internal of a Frag Grenade.]]<br />
Like all regiments, each Imperial Guardsmen is equipped with several grenades. The type of grenade may differ depending on what squad the Guardsmen would be enlisted as. All Guardsmen will be trained with practice grenades before they are entrusted in throwing around these explosives around. These grenades are:<br />
<br />
*'''Frag Grenades''': In mix-standard teams within a [[Infantry Squad]], the Frag Grenade is the most common type of grenade a Guardsmen would be issued. S/he will be given four grenades maximum, although more can be requested via filling out a request form and with approval from senior officers.<br />
*'''Krak Grenades''': For teams specialising in anti-armour offensives. They will be issued a Krak Grenade instead. Like their frag counterparts, four grenades seem to be the optimum for each Guardsmen.<br />
*'''Melta Bomb/Demolition Charge''': For [[Breacher Squad]]s, one member may be in charged with a single Melta Bomb or Demolition Charge for anti-tank and demolition purposes. They are heavier than usual and require special training and expertise to master. Not really standard-issue all things considered.<br />
<gallery><br />
Grenades_and_Bombs.PNG|List of explosives your typical Joe would carry.<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
====Armour and Clothing====<br />
[[File:Uniform.PNG|150px|right|thumb|Fig 1.1 Your average Guardsmen. A dude in a shirt.]]<br />
Outside of his weapons, clothing is the most important piece of equipment that every Guardsmen must have. You ain't gonna go out fighting on Valhalla butt-ass naked now would you? Again, the type and style of clothes differ by regiment. Some like the [[Scintillan Fusiliers]] treat their fatigues with higher value than their lasguns whilst others like the [[Catachan Jungle Fighters]] scoffs at fatigues and go completely bare-chested. The list of attire are:<br />
<br />
*'''Combat Fatigue/Dress Uniform''': The first piece of clothing that nearly all Guardsmen wear. Uniforms or fatigues are mass produced in order that the countless number of Guard regiments will be equipped quickly and efficiently. Typically, uniforms or fatigues are made from hard-wearing fabrics designed to resist all types of environments passively. They need to be proven hardy in the field and resistant to snags and tears. Nevertheless, overtime, clothing just simply deteriorate either through combat or frequent usage so spares are always up for order. In peacetime or in parades, they can be used to show off the regiment's discipline and all-round [[Awesome|awesomeness]].<br />
*'''Shirt and Undershirt''': Your ''actual'' t-shirts. Literally. This is what most Guardsmen wear beneath their fatigues or uniforms. They are made from light fabric like cotton or linen and is designed for maximum comfort. The Catachan Jungle Fighters if they are forced to wear something on their torso, would usually opt for a shirt rather than fatigues to show off their bulky muscles.<br />
*'''Flak Armour''': You know'em, you love'em. Everyone's favourite cardboard armour is issued throughout the Imperium. Like all things in the Guard, the style of Flak Armour differs from regiment to regiment. But overall they are the most important piece of equipment outside the Lasgun as the Flak Armour provides ''some'' form of protection. Whilst it won't do too hot against direct impact from anything above WW2-levels of firearms, it does provide an adequate form of defense against shrapnel. Given that in modern warfare, artillery shrapnel is one of the highest form of casualties, this is actually quite important for the Guard. <br />
*'''Helmet with Micro Bead Pick-Up''': Each Guardsmen is issued with a standard-issue Flak helmet with micro beads attached. Other than for head protection, the micro bead is important for communication purposes without the Guardsmen making a sound. Micro beads essentially translates the vibrations of your throat and transmit that as sound without saying a single word. Very useful for stealth operations.<br />
*'''Dog Tags''': Works the same way we have here today. A metal necklace that shows the Guardsman's regiment, squad, name, date of birth and place of birth. Whilst most Guardsman would never really get the chance to have their dog tags retrieved once they kick the bucket, their superiors should at least have the acumen to dot down who they lost over the years and send it to the Administratum for records keeping.<br />
*'''Socks''': No sane Guardmen want to go out in the battlefield with chilblains or frostbite on their dinky toes now do they? Each Guardsmen is issued four pairs of socks that are dried and neatly packed. Each pair of sock needs to be washed if possible and dried to prevent trench foot or any other feet-related ailments. Socks are made of some form of thick, warm fabric like wool or cotton.<br />
*'''Undergarment''': Your [[/d/|bras, panties and underwear]]. Used to keep your manly and womanly bits from flailing around awkwardly in your trousers and to keep them supported and warm. Like socks, they need to be washed as soon as possible to avoid cases of crotch rot.<br />
*'''Greatcoat/Rain Overalls''': Some Guard regiments are known to issue greatcoats or rain overalls to either keep their cannon fodder warm and dry during winter and the like. They are made of thick, heavy and sometimes waterproof fabric to ensure maximum warmth. The complete opposite of the shirt. [[Valhallan Ice Warriors]], [[Vostroyan Firstborn]]s, [[Armageddon Steel Legion|Armageddon Steel Legionnaires]] and the [[Death Korps of Krieg]] love the shit out of them.<br />
*'''Combat Boots and Laces''': Standard-issue military boots meant to be rugged enough to survive in nearly any ground. Each boot is fashioned to ensure comfort for the Guardsmen's feet and comes in three sizes. Each boot is ensured to be waterproof and hard wearing, with each pair expected to last for a while. Like nearly everything else, a combat boot may differ from regiment to regiment. Cadia for example have boots made of rigid hard leather that protects the upper ankle and steel plates that protect the shins; they are called ankle-breakers. Meanwhile, Valhalla favours a rigid, heavily insulated boot with particularly sharp crampon-like grips on the soles. Whilst Attila and Tallarn favour a flexible-soled, lightweight boot that allows the foot to breathe through semo-permeable membranes within the boot's fabric. All combat boot boxes comes with additional spare laces in case the original was damaged or lost.<br />
*'''Leg Gaiters''': Tl;dr, these are leg warmers. Largely used during snowy operations and therefore, are popular for snowy regiments like the Valhallans, leg gaiters offer an additional form of warmth around the ankle regions as a normal sock ain't cutting it. Not really that standard, but the Administratum just slaps every Guardsmen with one just in case.<br />
*'''Webbing''': Every Guardsmen going into battle requires quite a lot of kit to carry around with. To do so in a ergonomic factor, each Guardsmen would be issued a form of combat webbing that allows a great deal of equipment to be layered onto the chest rig or backpack whilst leaving the arms free to fight. Typically, the front face of the webbing is fitted with pouches whilst the inside is fitted with mesh that forms a map pocket and has space for an additional two standard-issue Lasgun power packs. Combat webbing can be worn over Flak Armour or alone and has several hooks for grenades or entrenching tools.<br />
*'''Belt and Holsters''': Every Guardsmen is given a standard-issue leather belt and a holster to ensure their big boy/girl pants don't accidentally drop down to their knees during inspection day and that their sidearm stays in place. Useful to avoid a wardrobe malfunction but also useful for the local [[Commissar]] or officer to use one as a makeshift flogging equipment.<br />
*'''Bandolier''': Whilst regiments are all given bandoliers to hold additional ammunition, some regiments like the Catachan Jungle Fighters are obsess with them. Being a bunch of [[LARP|Rambo cosplayers]] is no surprise given how useful a bandolier is for holding additional ammo whilst looking [[Awesome|absolutely baller in the process.]]<br />
*'''Field Rucksack with Straps''': Everyone's companion. This large canvas sack backpack holds all your necessary goodies to ensure a Guardsmen isn't completely fucked on duty. It can provide enough room for MREs, field equipment, trenching equipment, spare ammo, repair equipment and sleeping materials. You don't wanna lose one.<br />
<gallery><br />
Flak_Chest.PNG|Chest piece of a Flak Armour.<br />
Helmet.PNG|Flak Helmet, standard issue.<br />
Micro_Bead.PNG|Micro Bead, comes standard with said helmet.<br />
Boots_and_Sock.PNG|Combat boots and socks. Number one vector of the [[Poxwalkers|Walkingpox.]]<br />
Webbing.PNG|Webbing, for when you want to [[LARP]] as Rambo.<br />
Backpack.PNG|Field rucksack/backpack carrying all your needs.<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
====Survival Equipment====<br />
[[File:UpliftingPrimer.jpeg|150px|right|thumb|Everyone's favourite used toilet paper.]]<br />
Guns and armour isn't the only thing a Guardsmen needs. Here, all forms of survival equipment is important for him/her to survive beyond the safety of civilization. Such equipment includes:<br />
<br />
*'''[[Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer]]''': Everyone's favourite standard-issue <s>toilet paper</s> booklet. Every Guardsman is issued one and they are expected to read this thing down to the T. Every piece of survival tips and tricks, alongside useless propaganda is written down in the book. A mix-bag all things considered but is better than nothing. It is also the ''one'' piece of equipment that a Guardsman must <u>'''NEVER'''</u> bring with him/her on the battlefield for fear of it falling to the enemy's hands. Although to be honest, what useful info they may glean over would be as important as real-life toilet paper.<br />
*'''[[Imperial Munitorum Manual]]''': Not as common as the Primer but orders of magnitude more useful. The Imperial Munitorum Manual is a booklet that goes in-detail towards the functionality of the [[Departmento Munitorum]], the list of equipment and how to maintain them, the list of punishments expected if breached, and the hierarchical structure of the Imperium wit-large. Again, not as common as the Primer, but when available, it usually comes with the complete package.<br />
*'''Combat Ration Packs''': Hmmm...sweet lovely food. Every Guardsmen is expected to carry around five units of Combat Ration Packs (CRP). They are designed to sustain a soldier directly engaged in combat or under military training. Useful when normal food services aren't available, their long shelf-life and caloric-dense nutrition makes them an important part of a Guardsmen's survival. The CRP consists of a full meal packed in a flexible meal bag. The full bag is lightweight and easily fits within a Guardsmen's pockets. Each meal bag contains a nutrient-rich compound as well as foods designed to enhance the energy levels and stamina of a Guardsmen. Whilst it is theoretically safe to eat from the get-go, most Guardsmen like theirs cooked. CRP can be cooked traditionally or through a flameless heater via chemical reactions with water.<br />
*'''Portable Hexamine Stove/Flameless Heater Pack''': When cooking CRPs or food caught by the Guardsmen themselves. They can cook their food through a standard-issue collapsible and portable Hexamine stove. These miniature stoves use solid fuel to heat up the food or beverage until the Hexamine tablets are used up. Some are also fitted with an adapter to hold a canteen or cup. Each stove comes with eight tablets in a waxed box, although sometimes a tinder box is issued as well. Although there are complaints that the fuel might be toxic or smells like shit, most Guardsmen can't complain too much as it is a convenient way to cook food on the go. If behind enemy lines, the light coming from the stove or the smoke used to burn up gathered materials may attract enemies. So a Guardsmen is also issued the aforementioned flameless heater pack that uses water as a pyrotechnic heating mechanism which lasts for fifteen minutes. Simply put the meal bag inside the heater pack, fill it with water and shake it until it chemically activates.<br />
*'''Magnocular''': A binocular by any other name. The magnocular is meant for surveying purposes. Some magnoculars are compact and lightweight, but most are bulky and heavy. Magnoculars offer high light transmission and optical performance, enabling a Guardsman to view objects at a great distance away. Magnoculars are rubber armoured, shockproof and waterproof and can withstand the harshest battlefield conditions.<br />
*'''Rebreather/Gasmask with Mk VIII Filter''': Gas masks for all intents and purposes. Rebreathers are used in environments that are too toxic to breath in. Depending on the type of engagement, some rebreathers merely covers the mouth and nose in near-Terran like atmospheres, but others like the gasmask with the Mk VIII Filter that filters out toxic particles cover the entire face in truly hell hole conditions. The Kriegers and the folks from the Steel Legion has an absolute hard-on for these things.<br />
*'''Tent Kit''': Each Guard Squad is expected to have one member be the tent carrier. He/she carries the necessary materials to build a tent for everyone to sleep in. The tent kit includes the tent, several collapsible stainless steel poles, tensile rope, pins, a hammer and adhesive tape to fix any potential damages to the tent. The kit is designed to be as lightweight as possible whilst still being big enough to house a three-five men team.<br />
*'''Medi-Pack''': Every Guardsmen is issued a portable medi-pack which is something like a convenient narthecium in a bag. Every Guardsmen is expected to be trained in various ways to alleviate injuries of various kinds through military practise although each squad must have a designated medic. The design of the medi-pack can range from a small medical kit to a complex scanning devices depending on the original source of the regiment and the planet's technological base. Basic medi-pack kits will usually contain drugs and bandages to treat a variety of injuries and illnesses, such as cataplasm patches, contraseptics, gauze/bandages, sterilised vein clamps, lotion of embalm, phials of morphia X4 (Space morphine), sterilising fluid of cleaning, cleansed surgical grapple, sanctioned insect repellent, and [[Anal circumference|blessed lotions, acid, alkali, medicinal tonics, tablets and internal cleansers for enema administration.]] More advance models might include a diagnostic Cogitator with bio-scanner and probes to determine the patient's ailments. The most advanced types, available to the elite of the Imperium, can include cast sprays, tox wands, synthskin applicators and more.<br />
*'''Surveyor Gear''': Surveyor gears are piece of equipment used for tracking and mapping purposes so you know where the hell you're going and avoid accidentally entering the firing range of a Basilisk. The most common type of gear are Auspex Surveyor Units that can register varying levels of background radiation, infrared signatures and electromagnetic emissions to discover enemy troops. They are simple to operate and require only rudimentary intelligence to read. All a Guardsman has to do is simply point the Surveyor Unit in the general direction and pull the trigger to tell him/her the information to his/her's squad. The screen then displays the machine's findings as coloured dots on the slate (Red for hostile, blue for friendlies) in the various range bands (Ten metre increments).<br />
*'''Orientation Gear''': The ''other'' piece of equipment that is designed in making sure your average Joe won't end up stumbling inside a Tyranid's nest. Orientation gears are your maps and compasses. They allow a Guardsman a better understanding on the battlefield they are on and where to go. The compass is accurate, rugged and reliable, being both waterproof and shockproof due to being encased in steel with metal hinges. The compass also comes with a built-in magnifying lens, finger loop and cord lanyard. Particularly 'advanced' models of compass may be fitted with chemical fluorescence vials, allowing the compass to be read at night.<br />
*'''Mess Kit''': The things your average Joe eats from. Each mess kit from the Guard is constructed from enamelled steel and contains everything they need to prepare and serve. They are small, lightweight and very portable and their design differs from regiment to regiment. A Cadian version for example, contains a skillet, a small kettle, a plate, a cup and a Swiss army knife-style cutlery. The handles of these appliances are foldable to save space and can be detached to use with other cookware. The lids of each container can be used for preparing, cooking and/or eating and usually come in two or three pieces. Moreover, to complement the kit, Cadian mess kits use a specially moulded cup that fits over the bottom of the standard litre canteen for anything that requires a deep pot such as boiling water.<br />
*'''Sleeping Equipment''': Do I have to spell it out? Each Guard regiment is given a quilted sleeping bag with blanket that tapers towards the end. Most of these bags are quilted with feathers that provide insulation against the cold, although some regiments is known to use synthethic materials instead. The outer layers of a sleeping bag must provide a high degree of tearing strength and must be waterproof. Some sleeping bags may incorporate hoods and are sometimes embellished with extra layers to allow [[/d/|more than one person to share the bag.]]<br />
*'''Hygiene Kit''': No one and their mothers want to have a Guard regiment smelling like an [[Ogryn]] during parade day, so every Guardsmen is expected to be given a hygiene kit to look down and proper. Each kit comes with a bar of hard soap, dry scrub brush, shaving brush, razors, abrasive tooth cleaning paste and a tooth brush, alongside a sharpening stone to sharpen a Guardsman's bayonet for shaving purposes. Moreover, the kit comes with delousing powder that can be used to eradicate most forms of parasites or leeches. Although care must be taken as the powder is caustic and shoud be avoided around the groin or eyes. Some hygiene kits such as the Cadian pattern also includes a anti-fungal powder and anti-lice gel that should be employed regularly to ensure the prevention of the spread of diseases.<br />
*'''Entrenching Tools''': Everyone's favourite shovel is listed under here. Entrenching tools are multi-purposed and can be used for a wide variety of things. This includes building trenches, planting seeds for food, burrying bodies or using it as a makeshift weapon. They have a foldable stock which allows a Guardsman to fit them in a nice, compact form and save space. The most well known of these shovels are the [[Miscellaneous_Weapons#9-70 Entrenching Tool|9-70 shovel]] which has its edge either sharpened or serrated. Kriegers hug these in their sleep. Imperial E-tools have mono-molecular edges, meaning Guardsmen can entrench literally anywhere. Which is basically divine intervention for an infantryman.<br />
*'''Hand Axe''': A [[Basic Close Combat Weapons#Axe|small hand axe]] is given to each Guardsmen for largely non-military purposes such as chopping wood, clearing trees or vines and cutting up meat. Pretty damn versatile and can be used as a makeshift weapon in case your bayonet breaks or you run out of ammunition. It is often made of stainless steel or ceramics.<br />
*'''Lamp-Pack''': Each Guardsmen is also issued a lamp-pack. Now this may resemble a typical lamp to your typical flashlight (No, not ''that'' [[Lasgun|Flashlight]], ''the other one''). It is a primary light source for night patrols and is often powered via batteries. Should not be used behind enemy lines for obvious reasons.<br />
*'''Anti-Contaminants''': Pretty important stuff when it comes to purifying the waters or killing parasites. Whilst each Guardsman is expected to carry a canteen filled with water, sometimes you run out and the next avaliable source of water is in the toilets. This is where this kit comes in handy. To avoid sudden case of [[Nurgle|explosive dirrahea,]] each Guardsman is issued with water purification tablets made from salt in the kit which would kill most virulent pathogens. Although drinking such purified water is unpleasant (Think soda water with the taste of salt), it is better than the alternative. The kit also contains vials of iodine which when taken orally, prevents 99% of the damage to the thyroid gland before being exposed to radiation.<br />
<gallery><br />
Ration_Packs.PNG|Combat ration packs. Yum yum.<br />
Collapsible_Stove.PNG|Portable hexamine stove, a convenient way to heat up your instant noodles.<br />
Magnoculars.PNG|Magnoculars. I spy with my little eye.<br />
Rebreather.PNG|Rebreathers, for when you're finding it a bit difficult to breathe.<br />
Gas_Mask_Filter.PNG|A gas mask, for when you're breathing in [[Krieg]].<br />
Medi-Pack.PNG|A medi-pack with its accessories.<br />
Medi-Pack_Model.JPG|Krieg medi-pack model.<br />
Surveyor_Gear.PNG|A surveyor gear, the motion tracker of 40k.<br />
Orientation_Gear.PNG|An orientation gear console.<br />
Compass.PNG|A compass, part of the orientation gear.<br />
Map_IG.PNG|A map, another part of the orientation gear.<br />
Mess_Kit.PNG|A Cadian issued mess kit.<br />
Hygiene_Kit.PNG|A hygiene kit with its complimentaries.<br />
9-70 Entrenching Tool.PNG|The 9-70 Entrenching Tool, everyone's favourite shovel.<br />
Anti-Contaminants.PNG|Anti-Contaminants with all its accessories.<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
==Fluff and stuff==<br />
<br />
Dan Abnett and the Guard’s latest Codex turned the IG into gods of mechanized warfare, though they still suck compared to 8-foot-tall Daemonic killing machines with chainaxes. To be fair, though, that's like comparing a sedan to a tank. How are you NOT supposed to suck against things that can slice through meter-thick speshul-steel armor like so much cheese?<br />
<br />
The cold, hard truth of the matter is that the lowest currency in the Imperium is human life. Whereas the modern day commander would sacrifice expensive equipment (a cruise missile ain't cheap) to save even a single life, in the grim darkness of the far future, emphasis on civilian morale and "leave no man behind" ideals would screw up an already overtaxed bureaucratically fucked Munitorium. Instead, commanders do risk assessment. They're not going to devote resources just to save one lowly grunt if they will expend resources more expensive in return. Although to be fair, commanders who make these decisions know the moral implications of what they're doing while the Imperium treats this as a perfectly normal act. And if they can afford to save you, they normally will.<br />
<br />
[[File:Lord Solar Macharius.jpg|250px|left|thumb|"The meaning of victory is not to defeat your enemy but to destroy him, to eradicate him from living memory, to leave no remnant of his endeavors, to crush utterly his every achievement and remove from all record his every trace of existence. From that defeat no enemy can ever recover. That is the meaning of victory."]]<br />
<br />
A bit of maths, if you will. According to one calculation of the frequency of Hive Worlds, there are 32,380 Hive Worlds in the Imperium. The average population of these worlds is around 200 billion each. We put these together and we get 6.476E15 (6,476,000,000,000,000 or 6.476 Quadrillion) people on Hive worlds ALONE. Eventually there would be more human babies than there would be lasguns coming out of the Forge World assembly lines. So now you see why humans are worth so little. But this also means that once they get their ass in gear and onto the battlefield, they ALWAYS win, because they have practically unlimited manpower and resources. Compare it to water bashing against rocks. A few gallons won't do jack, but countless billions of tonnes crashing down on it WILL destroy it in a surprisingly short amount of time. Apply actual tactics, and it becomes [[rape|even more effective]] (Do keep in mind, it's not like they commit trillions of troops to one battle. The Imperium frequently has to withdraw, but it's like saying "We lost the battle, BUT NOT THE WAR!").<br />
<br />
In fact, it is point-blank stated numerous times that guardsmen are way cheaper than their lasguns, because there are far more Hive Worlds to ''produce'' humans than there are Forge Worlds to produce lasguns. And to add more grimdark, the Imperium lost numerous forge worlds and mining worlds during the [[Time of Ending]], so there are even fewer lasguns and cardboard jackets coming from assembly lines. The [[Death Korps of Krieg]] have a specific guy who runs around battlefields shooting the wounded and collecting their gear (as well as blood and organs to fix those who still can be saved to fight next day).<br />
<br />
Sometimes this creates a disparity with other parts of the setting, as an example, games and art with Hive Gangers make it clear that they can be better equipped and armed than Guardsmen, including varieties of ammunition (such as exploding bullets) and [[Rage|fucking powered exoskeletons and thunder/power weapon equivalents]].<br />
<br />
Think of the Red Army from the Hollywood movie [[wikipedia:Enemy at the Gates|Enemy at the Gates]]: Soviet Russia there had a fuckton of soldiers to draw from, but many were not issued spare ammunition or even rifles, and were expected to loot supplies off dead bodies. On an individual level the Germans had the obvious advantage, but send in enough cannon fodder to keep them pinned inside they city, then cut them off, and they eventually cracked. Though this is mostly Hollywood and the real Red Army has enough equipment but not enough stuff to get it where it needed early on (the other Allies sent them trucks and fuel by the boatload) while the average German soldier had lots of kit at the start before rapidly running out as supply lines were stretched and the decision between sending more bullets or winter clothing started to kick in...<br />
<br />
But anyway, what the Imperium does have going for itself is the individual heroism of its protectors, most of whome remain [[nameless|your dudes]] in the fluff. The Guard bears countless heroes, without whom the Imperium would have fallen ages ago. Notable heroes of the Imperial Guard include: [[Ollanius Pius]], [[Straken]], [[Creed|CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED]], [[Lord Solar Macharius]], [[Ciaphas Cain|Ciaphas Cain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM]], [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Yarrick]], [[Sly Marbo|SLY FUCKING MARBO]], [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt| Colonel-Commissar fething Ibram Gaunt]] and countless others. These extraordinary men and women inspire the masses around them to truly heroic deeds, and through those deeds, ensure that the Imperium will never falter. Which is kind of weird since the setting is supposed to be one in which everyone is worthless and heroes have no impact.<br />
<br />
==Play Style==<br />
[[File:Glory.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Men of the Brimlock Eleventh, fighting on Voor against Orks. Note the [[Judge Dredd]] pattern frown.]]<br />
<br />
The Imperial Guard are notorious for their SIGAOD methodology: Shooty Imperial Guard Army Of Doom for the less than nerdy. The basic lasguns are downright pathetic, but can [[Dakka|still be effective if used en masse]], and we mean ''en masse''. The effect is a little like how cavemen throwing rocks could still be a threat to fully armored knights. It only takes one lucky shot and they don't stop shooting until they get lucky. Scientifically speaking, the lasguns are strong enough that they damage most materials, even Space Marine powered armor. It's just so minor against most foes that it doesn't matter. Until you get a hundred guys shooting at one target. Then it matters pretty damn quickly. Add in special weapons and heavy weapons and indirect fire like mortars all blazing away at an enemy and... yeah. Also, a lasgun used with precise aiming is quite lethal as you can devastate any vulnerabilities of a target easily. For example, the Vostroyan Firstborn are famous for their great precision and it shows in the massive kill-counts they rack-up. Who the fuck knows why that isn't a requirement for Guardsmen but it's probably because some goober in charge didn't notice and so never mentioned it in a memo to who-cares.<br />
<br />
The IG has loads of vehicles. ''Loads'' of vehicles. Most of them are fairly cheap and pretty good for what you pay for, so it is quite easy for IG armies to have half a dozen vehicles or more in a medium-sized game. There are 4 principal IG ground vehicles of note:<br />
* First is the [[Chimera Transport|Chimera]], which is the basic IG troop transport. In modern terms, it would be considered an Infantry Fighting Vehicle, not a mere APC. It is not particularly fast, but it is reasonably durable, it has good firepower, it's cheap, and the passengers can still shoot while inside. Bread and butter. It's also used as the chassis for various other vehicles. Overall it's far more useful than the [[Rhino]].<br />
* The second is the iconic [[Leman Russ Battle Tank]]. It is in every way a solid, dependable warhorse. Key features include the BFG on the turret (that can potentially fire twice per turn as of 8th Edition), the optional heavy weapon sponsons, and the completely exposed engine in the rear. Apparently, they ran out of badass when they designed it. It is a very tough nut to crack.<br />
* Third is the [[sentinel|Sentinel]]. It's a support walker, and while not generally as effective as the other big 3, it earns its place by virtue of utility. The sentinel can serve as a reliable escort and scout while also providing useful fire support. Featuring a decent variety of weapon options, it is also a cheap way to add Hunter-Killer missiles. It's hard to go wrong by taking a Sentinel.<br />
* The last vehicle of note is the [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisk]]. Apparently, some tech-priest decided to take a Chimera, rip out the turret and troop compartment, and bolt on the biggest piece of artillery he could fit on it. The Earthshaker Cannon is far more powerful than even the BFG they stuck on the Leman Russ and has much longer range. No game of WH40k has been played where a target has been out of range of the Basilisk.<br />
<br />
The four vehicles above are only a small selection of what the Guard has to offer, but they are all pretty reliable workhorses for most builds and strategies. Most other vehicles are specialized variants of the above, being largely situational units.<br />
<br />
Let's not forget the Deathstrike Missile, which GW used to give UNLIMITED RANGE. Players have called up GW stores the next town over and told them that they're dropping a Deathstrike in the middle of whatever battle is closest, and they've accepted. ''The Range is 200" as of 8th edition, but 16 feet is still ridiculous.''<br />
<br />
Also of note is 6th Edition's contribution of flyer units. The IG has the most non-apocalypse flyer units in 40k, and while some of them are absolutely useless for anything but flavor, some of them kick all kinds of ass. Triple twin-linked Lascannon, twin-linked Punisher Gatling cannons, or a flying tank-busting mega-bolter kinds of ass to be specific. Rape from above.<br />
<br />
In summary, the Imperial Guard wins by having firepower, cannon fodder, and lots of both, transported in a massive variety of [[METAL BOXES]].<br />
<br />
Unfortunately for the Guard, though, the Imperial Navy has a bad habit of taking ships that were designed to launch atmospheric craft in support of the Guard (such as Marauders) and instead sticks void combat attack craft inside (such as Furies) them. The result of this is painfully obvious if you're a Guardsman on the ground. Not to say they don't have air support, but that their air support has a presence that is completely at odds with the number of atmospheric fighters and bombers a ship can carry. The Navy literally fits whatever atmospheric fighters and bombers they can into whatever excess space remains after putting their Furies and Starhawks into hangers designed for holding countless Lightnings, Thunderbolts, Marauders, and Avengers, instead. Grimdark? Yep. Thanks to [[Roboute Guilliman]]'s reforms, the inability of Guard to fight at maximum efficiency (or make it to their destination in time without borrowing civilian transport ships) is kinda the point - it makes revolt much harder, and he didn't care if countless Imperium worlds would go to shit thanks to this, to exclude the possibility of [[heresy]] was much more important. Of course, the reason why a third of the Imperial Army rebelled was due to the Imperium violently conquering their worlds. Fortifying and consolidating conquests post-Heresy would have helped prevent rebellion and Administratum control (it was efficient back then) would have prevented the populace from feeling rebellious because their lives would be great. Damaging the Guard only prevented them from doing their job and really, any rebellious Guard regiments would be (and usually are) quickly annihilated by the loyalists surrounding them. Generally, they steal transports and Chaos forges provide plenty of aircraft for them. Defeating the point of weakening the Imperial Guard and actually making rebel regiments stronger.<br />
<br />
Enter the Hydra. The only tank designed to take out aircraft. That is BADASS. Screw the navy. Hell, some regiments have a Leman Russ for every infantry squad! Do that with Thunderbolts or Lightnings in addition to the Russ and... yeah, epic stomp.<br />
<br />
It's not inaccurate to think of tanks in the Guard as the actual infantrymen and as the footsloggers as supplemental, a resource for screening your more powerful units and contesting objectives. Artillery and what deep-striking elements you have are for exposing enemy units to your tanks, which deliver the killing blow.<br />
<br />
So what's the catch? First thing, the Guard are quite good for what you pay for point-for-point, but they aren't exactly renowned for their individual resilience in the same way Astartes or Necrons are: Guardsmen are just T3 and 1W with a measly 5+ Sv provided by their flak vests, so most anti-infantry fire will turn them into red paste. This effectively requires you to bring infantry in bulk; in most other armies (Orks and Tyranids not withstanding), 70 infantry models would be a fairly large amount but for the Guard, that's a paltry figure and you can reasonably expect all of those guys to be dead by the end of round two. Their tanks fare somewhat better - the Leman Russ is their iconic mainstay and has T8 and 12W and a nice +2 Sv so it can shrug off a lot more than the flimsy infantry squads, but lacking any native invuls or FNP or other tricks to mitigate damage, the tanks will still go boom if dedicated anti-tank concentrates hits on them.<br />
<br />
As anti-infantry massacre your squads in short order and anti-tank wrecks your vehicles in short order, this encourages a combined-arms approach to play. As in modern military strategy in real life, synergy between different arms working together is vital to your success. The Imperial Guard suffer greatly from good target selection on the enemy's part and it can be tricky to deny their efforts. Sadly this means the Guard are an army where you can still lose even if you do everything right. For example, should an Eldar player snipe your key officer with Rangers, blow up your artillery with Fire Dragons or get some Banshees or Wraithblades in your infantry line, you are in deep... and even one of those things happening can ruin your game in the long run (Eldar due to their extreme specialization are perfectly placed to exploit destroying Imperial Guard keystone units which is why they are traditionally a bad matchup for Guard, but it's not just them, many other armies definitely have the tools to put you in this situation). Ultimately, Guard is an army where you have a unit that can answer any situation but you'll have to get used to the idea of taking casualties and making sacrifices, and get smart at picking which vital unit is ''least'' vital to your long-term success.<br />
<br />
It is also worth noting that anything even remotely optimized for close combat (Orks, Khorne, Drukhari, etc.) is going to through your infantry line like shit through a goose if they get within arm's reach, and only a handful of Imperial Guard units are kind of capable in close combat themselves - Ogyrns, Bullgryns, Sentinel Powerlifters, Assassins and some characters like Straken will do a bit of work, but they certainly won't stop a smash captain. Remember your key strength in this army is reliable firepower and sheer numbers, so using fodder Guardsmen as screening units for the big guns is your best bet. Guardsmen with proper support from buffs and orders can ''sometimes'' handle low-tier GEQs like Guardians, Fire Warriors and Termagaunts but it's a wasted effort most of the time.<br />
<br />
==Steel Balls, Then and Now==<br />
[[File:Marines and ig.jpg|thumb|The Imperial Guard back in the [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|Rogue Trader]] days, a Guardsman pulling a wounded Space Marine to safety, proving they were badass even back in the first edition. <s>holy shit is that a [[Squat]] in the background</s>|250px]]<br />
In the ancient days of /tg/ before the Great Purge of 2009, the running meme for the Guard was that they had "steel balls", and it was well-deserved. In 4th edition and most editions prior, the Guard were stuck in the awkward position of being the Imperium's first line of defense, but were also obligated to be objectively worse than everyone at everything. The Guard were like the little brothers to the Space Marines, and when the Marines got a tank that had spearheaded human dominance for millennia, the Guard got a hand-me-down tank that used to be a tractor. This constant relegation, coupled with the Guard's system of shooting anyone who backed down from a fight, gained them a reputation as being patently badass against all odds. Everyone was a bully to them, and yet they stood up tall and spat in every bully's face!<br />
<br />
But in 5th edition, Robin Cruddace took the helm for writing the Imperial Guard, and since it was his personal army and these were the days of "Spiritual Liege" writing, the Guard have shaped into bullies themselves. Since that time, the Guard have been able to field some of the most devastating weapons the game has to offer, with the largest armored battalions, to create some of the most frustrating meta environments possible. Tanks variants were also introduced that allowed the Leman Russ to escape the thumb of the Space Marines, so the "little brother" stigma came to a close. In fact it's now treated as a major crunch advantage to have access to some of the Guard's armory and design structure, and any competitive list will take the Guard meta into consideration. It's a foregone conclusion that they'll be in the upper tiers of play.<br />
<br />
While it is logical that Space Marines would become an auxiliary to the Guard given the lore, and their sheer numbers set victory by attrition to be assured in the long run, the factions that would rival them based on the stories (though would lose strategically due to Imperial manufacturing power and organization) haven't held up well on the table. Orkz, the most militant and numerous combatants in the galaxy, have spent many long years suffering from poor accuracy and inane tactical pigeon-holes. It was, for example, standard procedure for Ork players to kill tanks by punching them because it's easier to have Orkz run after a moving vehicle than it is to get Tank Bustaz to shoot straight. As for Tyranids, the other race beyond numbers - Cruddace was allowed to write their codex and they paid dearly for it. For the better part of a decade, the bugs have also been using limited options to jury-rig solutions to basic problems that appear in every conventional 40k game.<br />
<br />
[[Bullshit|Over time, people quit talking about how "badass" the Guard were.]] They aren't really underdogs in lore or crunch, and it's difficult to think of them as "bold" when you watch a Guard player table your army in a single round of shooting. If anything, it's the Orkz and everyone else who are brave as all hell for standing up to the bastards, or too stupid to stop, or both. Although, if you became a Guardsman you’d probably go insane quickly from the horrific space monsters and daemonic shit. So, still balls of steel. And their kit and tanks are so damn cool.<br />
<br />
==Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard==<br />
[[File:Stormtrooper vs Ork.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Who's "ded 'ard" NOW, you grammatically-challenged cucumber?!]]<br />
*[[Ciaphas Cain]] - '''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM''' (Charming Commissar in the Harry Flashman/Edmund Blackadder tradition.)<br />
*[[Jurgen|Ferik Jurgen]] - Cain's assistant/bodyguard many of the '''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM'S''' victories have been due to Jurgen and his skill with a melta gun. That and he's a psychic blank so magic bs doesnt work on him.<br />
<br />
*<s>Colonel-Commissar</s> <s>Lord Militant Commander</s> [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|First Lord Executor Militant Ibram Gaunt]] - (Rambo + Sharpe + 40,000 king of awesome) Main protagonist of Gaunt's Ghosts, and a REAL hero of the Imperium, [[grimdark|unjustly doomed to lowly obscurity]].<br />
*[[Commissar Yarrick]] - Old one-eye. Saviour of Armageddon, twice. Known for having an Ork Klaw on his arm, having a personal Baneblade, and a [[gay|bizarre]] relationship with the ork warlord [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]].<br />
*[[Holt|Commissar Holt]] - Awesome cinematics are awesome, from Warhammer 40,000: Final Liberation. Don't you dare to simply call him Holt. {{BLAM}}<br />
*[[Commissar Dan]] - "But Commissar Dan says we're on a blaze for glory run!" "Commissar Dan is a ''maniac''! Never listen to anything he says." Also canon thanks to FFG.<br />
*[[Commissar Fuklaw]] - Currently in service with the [[Angry Marines]].<br />
*[[Commissar Raege]] - Currently trolling [[Space Marines]].<br />
*[[General Sturnn]] - Manly damn old son of a bitch, from [[Dawn of War#Winter Assault|Dawn of War: Winter Assault]]. Struggles with grammar because of the grit in his teeth.<br />
*[[Castor|Lord General Castor]] - Sporting a manly mustache and known for having a trophy room full of Tyranid heads.<br />
*[[Ollanius Pius]] - The catalyst for the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] finally ''erasing'' [[Horus]] out of existence. (Erased from canon at one point, later restored, and as of the Horus Heresy book series the fluff for him is a bit complicated, but he's still awesome in his own way.)<br />
*[[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] - Another manly bastard, <s>famous for "losing" a hundred [[Baneblade]]s.</s>{{BLAM}}{{BLAM|LIES AND CHAOS PROPAGANDA!!! There is nothing written about the Baneblades being lost.}} <br />
*[[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I ate a Miral landshark for breakfast" Straken]] - Yet another manly fucker and another solid contender for biggest balls in the Imperial Guard.<br />
*[[Knight Commander Pask]] - Rain man in 40k. An autistic Leman Russ tank ace that has destroyed Titans and Gargants. With a Leman Russ. He somehow manages to wreck his tank in every battle, always getting a new one and renaming it "hand of steel." He's managed to claw his way out of hundreds of burning wrecks somehow.<br />
*[[Colonel Greiss]] - Straken's former commander and proof that the manliest fuckers the Imperial Guard have aren't necessarily the biggest.<br />
*[[Creed|Lord Castellan Usarkar E. Creed]] - Famous for outflanking enemies with Titans. Must have been the work of some sort of tactical geniu-CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!<br />
:*After [[Trazyn]] put Creed into his vault, Geedubs replaced him with his totally-also-a-genius (<s>actually elevated by Imperial nepotism-</s> {{BLAM}}) daughter, Ursula <s>[[Meme|Trumbull]]</s> Creed.<br />
*[[Merrick]] - Tough bastard who survived a Tyranid Invasion, a Chaos uprising, ten years of nonstop combat, and putting a gun to his superior's head. Also fucking strong, since he can carry an entire heavy weapons setup on his own.<br />
*[[Sly Marbo]] - ...by time you have read this... you are already dead... <strike>Gone, just like Creed's ability to scout titans, because GW hates awesome things.</strike> He's ''baaaaaaack...''<br />
*[[Doom]] Marine - because, why the hell not?<br />
*[[Enginseer|Engineseers]] - All of them. Want to repair your own tank, do you? HERE'S THE FUCKING MANUAL. By the way, it's [[Heresy]] to do it yourself.<br />
* [[Lord Commander Solar Macharius]] - A Brilliant tactician who [[/tg/_Gets_Shit_Done|Gets Shit Done]] (in fluff) and the most useless command choice from the Second Edition Codex: Imperial Guard who would habitually screw up your entire battle plan since he rolled for his strategy rating on a D6 (which decided who got the first turn) and 4-6 would stop you firing your army-fucking pre-battle barrage. On a 6 you also had to put everything you had in reserve on the table. He also had no model and the fluff gave no idea what he looked like. IMPROVED IN 3RD ED WHEN HE GOT BETTER RULES AND A MODEL: Baseline stats are: WS D3+2, BS4, S3, T3, W4, I4, A D3+1, LD10<br />
**Because he is slow in his old age, he has an initiative of 4, which is pretty bad, but he can potentially have four attacks with a mastercrafted power weapon at a WS of 5. He's still too wild of a character to use in a serious game, so save him for your fuck-around games, or Apocalypse.<br />
**In conclusion, he has a terrible crunch but have a ridiculously awesome fluff being as the most successful Warmaster ever existed since the Great Crusade<br />
*[[The Last Chancers|Colonel Schaeffer]] - The craziest, malicious, heinous and downright evil imperial guard officer to ever exist. Most other officers are either incompetent when battlefield tactics are concerned or egocentric to the point of believing nothing else around them has a pulse, ultimately resulting in the average footslogger having such a brief lifespan. Colonel Schaeffer on the other hand, intends to make those under his command suffer in the most grueling, painful and surprisingly productive way possible. He is there along with them too.<br />
*Colonel Jurten - Nuked the living shit out of his own planet, 'cuz Krieg ain't belonging to no one but the Big E. Then inhabited it solely with clones, mostly of himself.<br />
*[[Commander Kubrik Chenkov]] "Now see here comrade, is all for great glory of great Stalin empero- Нет! Вернись, свинья! {{BLAM}} Essentially a stereotypical Soviet General IN SPESS. Known for being the most famous user of the "send in the next wave" tactic, [[Grimdark|wherein a squad of 50 conscript guardsman are sent into a minefield to clear it by triggering them and another 50 are sent in immediately when they all inevitably die]]. The biggest waste of flesh the Imperial Guard will likely ever see, he's only survived by dint of never running out of soldiers and somehow clawing together victories. Emperor help Chenkov's ass if he meets Ibram Gaunt, Ciaphas Cain or Vance Motherfuckin Stubbs as he will most likely end up in the Penal Legions if they hear how that idiot spends his men like autogun bullets. Heck its a surprise that no other Imperial Guard leader or commander above Chenkov has shanked his ass yet. His only redeeming factor is that he considers his life no more important that anyone else's and leads his men from the front.<br />
<br />
==Main Advantages of Fielding an Imperial Guard Army==<br />
*Shit loads of men to throw around the battlefield[[File:tautears.png|500px|right|thumb|Sweet, sweet-salty tears.]]<br />
*'''[[Basilisk Artillery Gun|BASILISKS]]'''<br />
*'''[[Baneblade|BANEBLADES]]'''<br />
*'''[[Manticore Rocket Launcher|MANTICORES]]'''<br />
*'''[[Leman Russ Battle Tank|LEMAN RUSSES]]'''<br />
*'''[[commissar|*BLAM*]]'''<br />
*[[Creed|Titans acting as scouts]].<br />
*Reasonable prices for vehicles. Sorta.<br />
*Tank Squadrons.<br />
*The first and best [[Hydra Flak Tank|Flak Tank]].<br />
*Loyal soldiers that can and will [[Ollanius Pius|hold the line to the bitter end]].<br />
*[[Commissar Yarrick]]<br />
*Cool looking models and plenty of variety to choose from.<br />
*Standard issue adamantium balls.<br />
*'''YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY FORGET THAT YOUR GUYS FIELD ''THE BEST TANKS OF THE GAME'', RIGHT?'''<br />
*'''VANQUISHERS, FUCK YOU [[tau|BLUE SKINNED PANZIES]]'''<br />
*Did we forget to mention that all units have standard issue balls of steel? Except for Yarrick. He has adamantium balls. And [[Sly Marbo|that guy in the cardboard box]]. <del>He has Power Balls.</del>(No one has ever been able to confirm what kind of balls he has (EXCEPT FOR YO MAMA! OOOOOH!) no one fucks with Sly is any form of the word and lives to tell the tale) [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B2w0abQazg| Your dudes are basically this guy.]]<br />
<br />
==<del>Downsides to being a Guardsman</del> Highly fanciful scenarios that most likely will not occur during your glorious service as a Guardsman==<br />
<br />
While your local propaganda might say that being in the guard is the most honorable thing you could ever get into, <b>and it is!</b> Here is a small list of things that will very likely never happen to you and are entirely preventable with forethought, your trusty lasgun, and endless faith in the Emperor:<br />
<br />
[[File:709869c659acffb373baece7b5d00582-d6lzjxz.jpg|right|thumb|300px|[[Awesome|Heroic last stands]] not included, [[Grimdark|but encouraged greatly]].]]<br />
<br />
*You will die in the line of duty and no-one but your family and friends will remember you unless you've done something that only a Space Marine could do in combat. ''Anyone can do it!''<br />
*You're expendable in every sense of the word. ''Freedom isn't free and you're the currency that pays for it!''<br />
*Your Commissar might execute you to make your friends fight harder. ''You deserved it.''<br />
*Your Commissar might execute your friends to make you fight harder. ''They deserved it.''<br />
*Unless you're in a special forces division like the Kasrkin, you're really just a meatshield in large scale assaults. ''A glorious, spiffy looking meatshield!''<br />
*"See how great this is? Your very own laser gun!" Too bad it's a bad joke compared to everyone else's guns. ''You're just using it wrong.''<br />
*You can't even die when you want to. ''You don't want to be a quitter, do you?''<br />
*You might be: [[Chaos Space Marines|mutilated, disemboweled]], [[Tyranids|eaten alive]], [[Orks|chopped into meat chunks by a rusty slab of metal]], [[Necron|disassembled into your component atoms]], [[Chaos Gods|sacrificed to the Chaos Gods]], [[Imperium|left for dead]], [[Dark Eldar|tortured for fun by xenos]], [[Chaos|mutants, heretics and zealots]], [[Eldar|stuffed with shurikens and lasers better than yours]], [[Tau|or blasted by high-power rounds from miles away]]. ''But you'll earn the eternal gratitude of the Emperor!''<br />
*You will be sent into hopeless situations and your superiors expect you to fight without retreating or showing cowardice. ''Just do it, no one likes a crybaby!''<br />
*You may be used as mine clearance. By being marched through the minefield. ''That's right boys, you can teach those dastardly mines who's boss by blowing them up!''<br />
* Even if after losing your entire regiment, watching your last-minute friends die horrendous deaths, and generally do the most gruesome work to win the day; the minute Space Marines come crashing down from the sky; They'll take all the credit for it, even if the Marines themselves attribute the win to you. ''They deserve it.''<br />
* Those same Space Marines might [[Marines Malevolent|bomb you and the civilians you're trying to save into mulch because you're too weak to be worth rescuing.]] ''You deserve it, weakling.''<br />
*You will be taken from your home planet and dropped on the other side of the universe to fight in a war you didn't know existed. ''Think of the interesting people you'll meet, and then subsequently possibly kill!''<br />
*You will NEVER see your home planet again unless you are stationed there. In which case it is likely under siege by yet another one of the Imperium's foes, and will likely remain so for the remainder of your short life. ''Think of the interesting places you'll see, and then subsequently blow up!''<br />
*5 Million of you dying under a four hour assault by orks, is considered a flawless victory by Segmentum Command (Then again that would likely be either a very large ork warband or a WAAAGH!, so GOOD JOB!). ''Better than 5 million and one, am I right?''<br />
*If you fight along side Grey Knights, you will be *BLAMMED*, or mindfucked and lobotomized, after the battle in the interest of secrecy. ''Grey Knights don't exist, that's silly.''<br />
*Hell, just fighting Chaos has a slight chance of you getting disposed of after the battle because the Inquisitor investigating your regiment thinks that you may be a slight, bit, tad tainted. ''You wouldn't want to spread that taint would you?''<br />
*Even when your army are the only ones that still uses combined arms warfare, your army still sucks, since it's routinely losing entire brigades (complete with Armor vehicles and aircraft) to any single bog-standard Space Marine and/or xeno mook. ''But not you! Your buddies and you can definitely take 'em!''<br />
*God forbid you dare complain. Fucking Commissars. ''Morale must be maintained!''<br />
<br />
==Memorable Quotations==<br />
<br />
[[File:Astra Militarum Symbol.jpg|right|400px]]<br />
<br />
- "Enemies of the Imperium, hear me. You have come here to die. The Immortal Emperor is with us and we are invincible. His soldiers will strike you down, his war machines will crush you under their treads, his mighty guns will bring the very sky crashing down upon you. You cannot win. The Emperor has given us his greatest weapon to wield. So make yourselves ready. We are The First Kronus Regiment, and today is our victory day!" - [[Governor-Militant Lukas Alexander]]<br />
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- "The meaning of victory is not to merely defeat your enemy but to destroy him, to completely eradicate him from living memory, to leave no remnant of his endeavours, to crush his achievement and remove all record of his very existence. From that defeat there is no recovery. That is the meaning of victory." - [[Lord Solar Macharius]]<br />
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- "What is the strongest weapon of mankind? The god-machines of the Adeptus Mechanicus? No! The Astartes Legions? No! The tank? The lasgun? The fist? Not at all! Courage and courage alone stands above them all!" - [[Lord Solar Macharius]]<br />
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- "Though our tanks and artillery are mighty, it is the vast ranks of Imperial Guardsmen that shall trample the enemy to dust - let them come" - [[Creed]]<br />
<br />
- "I have at my command an entire battle group of the Imperial Guard. Fifty regiments, including specialized drop troops, stealthers, mechanised formations, armoured companies, combat engineers and mobile artillery. Over half a million fighting men and thirty thousand tanks and artillery pieces are mine to command. Emperor show mercy to the fool who stands before me, for I shall not." - Warmaster Demetrius<br />
<br />
- "The enemies of mankind may employ dark sciences or alien weapons beyond Humanity's ken, but such deviance comes to naught in the face of honest human intolerance backed by a sufficient number of guns."<br />
<br />
-DRIVE ME CLOSER! I want to hit them with my sword! (originally a meme that started from a picture of a Commissar standing up in a tank hatch brandishing his sword, the phrase became so popular it is one of Commissar Lord Bernn's in campaign/skirmish/multiplayer lines when he gets in a Chimera in Dawn of War II, Retribution)<br />
<br />
- "Look at me. Look at me! ''This'' is home now, Trooper! This is the zone! It doesn't like you, but by the Throne, it's where you are! The Emperor wants you, boy! Did no one ever tell you that? The Emperor wants you to make his glory for him! And if you're scared, I'm terrified. The [[Chaos|archenemy]] is no playmate. You're going to see things, and be expected to do things your poor mother would have a fit at. But the Emperor expects, and the Emperor ''protects'', all of us, even you. Especially you - I promise you that." - [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]<br />
<br />
- "Pain is temporary, Honour is forever" - [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]<br />
<br />
- "That which I cannot crush with words alone, I shall crush with the [[Baneblade|tanks]] of the Imperial Guard!" - [[Lord Solar Macharius]]<br />
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- "You're a fearsome warrior! Act like it!" - [[Dawn of War II|General Castor]]<br />
<br />
- "[[Commissar|You don't die until I say so!]]"<br />
<br />
- "[[Commissar|Forward you dogs to victory!!]]"<br />
<br />
- "[[Commissar|Glory to the first man to die! CHARGE!!!]]"<br />
<br />
- "[[Regimental Commissar Anton Gebbet|If you will not serve in combat, then you will serve on the firing line!]]"<br />
<br />
- "To each of us falls a task, and all the Emperor requires of us Guardsmen is that we stand the line, and we die fighting. It is what we do best: We die standing." - General Sturnn, Dawn of War: Winter Assault<br />
<br />
- "Only in death does duty end" - [[Sturnn]]<br />
<br />
- "All right men! TIME TO WAGE TO WAR!" - [[Sturnn]]<br />
<br />
- "A true servant never yields to doubt" - [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs|General Vance Stubbs]]<br />
<br />
- "Remember, we have more numbers men!" - sergeant in skirmish/multiplayer line from Dawn of War II Retribution<br />
<br />
- "Let's see them fight ALL of us!" Guardsman, Dawn of War: Soulstorm<br />
<br />
- "For each one of us that falls, 10 more will take its place!" Guardsman, Dawn of War: Soulstorm<br />
<br />
- "We died so that others may live." - Unknown Brimlock Dragoon<br />
<br />
- "Infantry wins firefights, tanks win battles, artillery wins wars." - Tactica Imperialis<br />
<br />
- "A Guardsman's LIFE is to die. My job has always been to send them where they CAN die. I'm not afraid to spend men, but I never waste them!" - [[Dawn of War II|General Castor]]<br />
<br />
- "Your foe is well equipped, well-trained, battle-hardened. He believes his gods are on his side. Let him believe what he will. We have the tanks on ours." - Colonel Joachim Pfeiff, [[Death Korps of Krieg|Krieg]] 14th Armoured Regiment<br />
<br />
- "A good general does not lead an army to destruction just because he knows it will follow." - The Tactica Imperialis<br />
<br />
- "Let my epitaph be this; I was born nameless and abandoned in the gutter of a sunless pit, but I have died a conqueror of worlds." - Reputed last words of Lord Militant Erais Slaithe<br />
<br />
- "Peace is not in my vocabulary." - Commander Jarra Mordiker of the 13th/5th support regiment<br />
<br />
- "A good soldier obeys without question. A good officer commands without doubt." - Tactica Imperialis<br />
<br />
==A Piece of Writing That Explains the Imperial Guard==<br />
At the end of the day, though he's been ferried through [[Warp|hell]] on a ship that's ten thousand years old to some godforsaken, war-torn rock; though he deployed from high orbit with nothing but a grav chute; though he is one of ten million men and women snatched from his homeworld to fight a war he barely understands; though he has been given a weapon that fires small suns and may annihilate him as he fires because the knowledge of how it functions has been lost; though his company is supported by tractor-tanks that run on anything you can burn; though he wages war against a [[Tyranid|devouring hivemind]], ravenous [[Daemon|demons]] and [[Ork|hordes]] of [[Eldar|hyper-advanced]] [[Tau|aliens]] with [[Necron|strange technologies]] and [[Chaos Sorcerer|sorceries]] he never dreamed existed; no one will remember his sacrifice, there will be no records of his deeds, no glorious parades in his honor, and no remembrance of his name. All he will earn is a shallow, unmarked grave on a forgotten world untold light years from home.<br />
<br />
Yet for all this thankless sacrifice a Guardsman is a man, just like you. He has no [[Space Marines|millennia-old genetic engineering]], no [[Emperor|prophetic leader]], no [[Sisters of Battle|miracles of faith]]. He has his lasgun, his orders, and those beside him. He is an Imperial Guardsman.<br />
<br />
[[Awesome|And he will hold the line.]]<br />
<br />
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=139wRZ83gKg Now in Manly Tear inducing audio format!]<br />
<br />
==Another piece of writing: Pity the guardsmen==<br />
Pity the Guardsman...<br />
<br />
A weak sack of flesh destined to die for a dead god that never cared, he spends his pitiful, brief life, alone in his foxhole with nothing to keep him company, or to keep him safe, than the cheapest, most disposable of equipment. Perhaps the glow from his lasgun barrel keeps him warm at night.<br />
<br />
Me? As a servant of the Powers I enjoy the delights of all this world and the warp has to offer. Power, it courses through my veins. The gifts of the Chaos Gods will soon overtake me, and one day I may even ascend. What has the Guardsman to look forward to but a grim life, and if he is lucky perhaps he will feel nothing as my axe sends his soul to Khorne.<br />
<br />
He lives for a corpse god, and he shall join his god, as a corpse. I shall spare a half second to think of him and his kind. Then, I shall only laugh. Hail Chaos!<br />
<br />
----<br />
<br />
You would laugh monster, But let me remind you.<br />
<br />
Within that weak sack of meat and bone, uncared for by his god and wept for by none, beats a heart. A human heart, that carries with it the strength and courage of all mankind. Within that sack of meat is ensconced the hope, the will, and the fury of every man, woman, and child from every corner of the Imperium. Within that weak sack of meat, festooned in thin armour and weapons only powerful in numbers, beats the heart of a man. And for ten thousand years, the hearts of men have beaten, strongly, in defiance of your so called "powers". For ten thousand years, the hearts of men have stood united against a galaxy that despises them for no reason save that they had the audacity not to lay down and die. For ten thousand years, your Black Crusades have been pushed back, beaten down and made a mockery of, by weak sacks of flesh with cheap weapons and disposable equipment.<br />
<br />
For that weak sack of flesh that you so gleefully mock is no super soldier, no immortal warrior, no creature cursed by Chaos like you. He is a man, an Imperial Guardsman drawn from some forgotten corner of the Imperium to fight for his species and for the safety of the people he loves. He is a factory worker, a farmer, a storekeeper, a father, a brother, a son, a mere man. And against creatures like you, teeming and numberless, powered by the very will of thirsting gods... he holds the line. He has held the line for ten thousand Years.<br />
<br />
So what's your excuse, monster?<br />
<br />
And in [https://youtube/qyGDo1ARpjI 3d animated version for extra pleasure] the guardsmen can finally get the recognition he deserves.<br />
<br />
==A Selection of Approved Music for the Imperial Guard==<br />
<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmX1NlxYt_k - Imperial Guard in a nutshell<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWBoMWZJkeI - (none of that 'mercan shite)(It's pronounced 'Murican)<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxapTnODhCs - A marching song that most Training worlds use to this day.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJNz2QgSNsk - Standard cadence song sung by veteran units.<br />
*https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n7hHlh2IusY - Commonly sung by Trench and siege regiments, thought to be about an ancient civil war<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjvKZHJeayg - Rumored to be used by Praetorian Guard Regiments<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRIAw6LkqlE - Again, a rumored anthem.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5NzAksjfDI - Wildly popular Catachan song, most notable for being sung aboard transports.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS1lBID2Mtw - Popular parade piece for the Phantine Air Corps<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9fSEdZIM08 - March of the Death Korps of Krieg<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWgsdexkv18 - Harakoni Warhawks are sometimes required to memorize the lyrics as part of their training.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKT7qxk9-pw - A campfire song often heard from Drookian Fen Guard encampments.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26cr_rBQu74&list=- A traditional folk/drinking song of the Vostroyan Light Armor and Mounted regiments.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLV4_xaYynY - Traditional Catachan folk song. Catachan Guardsmen are sometimes heard either humming, warbling or whistling this song while on Guard duty.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V92OBNsQgxU - This is song is inevitably played over loudspeakers whenever there are two or more Valkyries entering the battlefield.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVcD1gW-cQE - This song begun to resurface throughout Valhallan Armored Regiments after a few joint missions with Knight Commander Pask's Cadian 423rd Armoured Regiment.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1uGm_dIqBI - Quite popular among Vostroyan artillery regiments.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrJAwCBbnuc- Often sung by storm troopers during risky and/or frontal assaults on enemy forward positions or leading massive charges.<br />
<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umzRoqtWvrA- Sometimes heard while the Drookian Fen Guard are on the march.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YsMCqgZPKE- Heard when the Drookian Fen Guard are in battle.<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6MgTQ-56P0- Ballad of the Imperial Guardsman<br />
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhqWHIq-aZw- Undisputed Anthem of the Imperial Guard.<br />
<br />
==Notable Imperial Guard Forces==<br />
Because GW was too lazy to create an original themed Imperial Guard army, they basically used RL armies as a base for them, gave them a little touch of [[grimdark]], assorted amounts of tempered ceramite balls and placed them... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!<br />
<br />
*[[Cadia|Cadian Shock Troops]]: (Resettled after Cadia's fall) Generic occidental army/Colonial Marines/Mobile Infantry clones... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FOR [[Imperium|IMPERIUM]] AND [[Emprah|EMPEROR]]! CADIA STANDS!<br />
*[[Catachan Jungle Fighters]]: Vietnam War Americans (with Australians, British and Canadians)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! GOOD MORNING CATACHAN!<br />
*[[Tallarn Desert Raiders]]: Lawrence of Arabia's Raiders (or Mujihadeen)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! الإمبراطور أكبر!<br />
*[[Armageddon Steel Legion]]: Wehrmacht mechanized divisions... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FÜR DEN IMPERATOR, FEUER FREI!<br />
*[[Armageddon Ork Hunters]]: American John Rambo Commandos... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! WE ARE YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, ORKS!!!<br />
*[[Valhallan Ice Warriors]]: World War II Soviet Red Army... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ЗА РОДИНУ! ЗА ИМПЕРАТОРА! НИ ШАГУ НАЗАД!<br />
*[[Mordian Iron Guard]]: Napoleonic Prussians (spiffing blue uniforms, iron hard discipline and ranked fire)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! GOTT KAISER MIT UNS! <br />
*[[Death Korps of Krieg]]: WWI's Western Front (both sides), offensive side... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Now that we're in space, imagine what the Clone Army in [[Star Wars]] might be if Lucas liked grimdark as much as he liked CGI and revising the original trilogy.<br />
*[[Gilead Gravediggers]]: WWI's Western Front (both sides), defensive side... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! POUR L'EMPEREUR, ON NE PASSE PAS! The less grimdark and even more trench-loving cousins of the Kriegers.<br />
*[[Vostroyan Firstborn]]: Cossacks... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! YOU WILL NOT MAKE SUBJECTS OF IMPERIAL SONS, FUCK YOUR MOTHER!<br />
*[[Elysian Drop Troops]]: French paratroopers... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! QUI OSE GAGNE! POUR L'EMPEREUR! (Taros Campaign=Dien Bien Phu or Operation Market Garden)<br />
*[[Dieprian Mountain Men]]: World War II Italian Army Alpini Corps... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! NESSUNA MONTAGNA È TROPPO ALTA PER NOI, PER L'IMPERATORE!<br />
*[[Harakoni Warhawks]]: American paratroopers... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! GREEN LIGHT!!! LET'S GO!<br />
*[[Tanith First (And Only)]]: Roman-era Celts... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! DWI'N OFN, OND DILYNWCH FI!<br />
*[[Attilan Rough Riders]]: <strike>Mongols</strike> Huns... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ([[White Scars|Yes, again.]])<br />
*[[Mordant Acid Dogs]]: Post-apocalyptic miners (and a bit of Raiders)... IIIINNN SPAAAACE!!!... ACID EVERYONE? THERE IS ENOUGH FOR EVERY HERETIC AND XENO!!!<br />
*[[Savlar Chem Dogs]]: Post-apocalyptic raiders (and a bit of the Vietnam War tunnel rats)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! They rule Bartertown, get out of here guardsman.<br />
*[[Terrax Guard]]: World War II Soviet Commissars (This is essentially a Commissar Regiment with extra steps)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ТОЛЬКО ВЕРНЫЙ ВЫИГРЫВАЕТ ДЕНЬ!<br />
*[[Drookian Fen Guard]]: Anglo-Scottish border reivers... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! A GOT NAE PANTS ON UNDER MA KILT SO A KIN DRAPE MA BALLS ON YER FACE WHILE YE CHOKE ON YER OWN BLOOD, YE NINNY LITTLE WANKER!!<br />
*[[Praetorian Guard]]: Victorian British Army... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! PRAETORIANS NEVER YIELD! (Ever seen the movie ''Zulu''? Like that, but against [[ork|Orks]]. And yes that is a bit racist when you stop and think about it but oh well, just give your officer darker skin tone, not like anyone who isn't a major [[That Guy]] would care about that in real life.)<br />
*[[Kanak Skull Takers]]: Cavemen (with some Apache)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ME TARZAN, YOU DEAD!!<br />
*[[Brontian Longknives]]: Australian Crocodile Dundee swordsmen (That's not a knife. THAT'S a knife!)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Guns? Too modern to my taste.<br />
*[[Phantine Air Corps]]: Battle of Britain RAF... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FLIP OVER ON HIS BETTY HARPER AND CATCH HIS CAN IN THE VERTI!!<br />
*[[Phantine Skyborne]]: British SAS... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Who dares, wins.<br />
*[[Scintillan Fusiliers]]: 18th century French aristocrats... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! QU'ILS MANGENT DE LA BRIOCHE!! Likely doomed if their [[Commissar|Commissars]] get an STC for a portable guillotine.<br />
*[[Ventrillian Nobles]]: 16th century Spanish conquistadors (with some WHFB Tileans)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! POR VENTRILLIA, EL IMPERIO Y EL EMPERADOR!!! Unlike those Scintillan pussies who have panic attacks at a paper cut, the dashing gentlemen of Ventrilla actually know how to fight.<br />
*[[Maccabian Janissaries]]: Ottoman Empire's Elite Corps... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! AMINA KOYAYIM!!! Nobody cared who they were until they put on the masks.<br />
*[[Indigan Praefects]]: Monster Hunters... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Certified Imperium Beast and Pest Control.<br />
*[[Jopall Indentured Guard]]: Corporate Debt Bondaged Soldiers... IIIIINNNN SPAAACE! FOR PROFI-err I mean, FOR THE EMPEROR!!!<br />
*[[Athonian Tunnel Rats]]: Vietnam War Tunnel Rats (and a bit of Post-Apocalyptic raider flavor... this feels familiar)... IIIIINNN SPAAAACE!<br />
*[[Necromundan Spiders]]: New York street gangs... IIIIINNN SPAAAACE! HERETICS! COME OUT TO PLAY-AY!<br />
*[[Penal_legion|13th Penal Legion]]: ([[The_Last_Chancers|Last Chancers]]) A mix of the worst aspects of german Strafbattalions, Soviet Shtrafbats & the french foreign legion in SPAAACEEEE!<br />
*[[Solar Auxilia]]: The first iteration of the Imperial Guard. ''Significantly'' better equipped than their latter-day counterparts.<br />
<br />
With such a large and diverse collection of units in the Imperial Guard that puts even the Space Marine armies to shame, you'd think that you'd have plenty of options for fielding an army, right? Well, I've got some bad news for you: Realistically, you can only field Cadians and Catachans in large numbers, as well as the Death Korps <s>and Elysians</s> if you're willing to pay [[Forge World]] prices. As for everyone else? Entirely discontinued (or never made in the first place), with the sole exception of the base Steel Legion infantry squad, and most of them were never made in plastic, so good luck trying to get custom loadouts. Yes, some units like the Attilans or Harakoni may seem too out there to have broad appeal, but you'd think at least the Steel Legion would get more support, what with their intimate involvement in [[Armageddon]], one of 7th Edition's Warzone settings (or it could be a scam to make you pay FW prices as their models look pretty similar to death korps).<br />
<br />
GW are at least remaking Gaunt's Ghosts in plastic, though six named characters is hardly enough to make a full Tanith army. There are also [[Victoria Miniatures|some]] [[Anvil Industry|people]] who can cover your needs for legally-distinct space army men in a variety of flavors. Now Attilans are back.<br />
<br />
==Imperial Guard forces featured in Black Library novels==<br />
The writers from Black Library have also created some armies for Black Library novels, and while some of them only appear in one novel or short story they may be worth mentioned as a great source of custom Imperial Guard armies:<br />
<br />
* Arkhan Confederates, Civil War American Regiments... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Featured in the extremely [[grimdark]] novel ''Fire Caste'', their name seems to be a reference both to the state of Arkansas and [[H.P. Lovecraft]]'s haunted city of Arkham (also their homeplanet is Providence, so yeah), they just came out of a civil war between loyalists and rebels, with their average troopers getting the slang of "greybacks", their culture is akin to America's 19th century with a bit of northern barbarian for some measure, while the Adeptus Mechanicus have enforced Mars dogma Arkhan nobles still have a tendency to tweak and build their own machines as a form of Omnissiah worship, which have resulted in [[Awesome|jumpack sentinels and the Zouaves clockwork power-armoured elite soldiers, which are capable to stand their ground against Tau battlesuits]] (progress!), also their psykers usually come with a northern tribesman guardian who is tasked to chop the psyker's head in case it gets perils of the warp.<br />
<br />
* [[Roane Deepers]], ANZAC... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Featured in ''Ghostmakers'' and ''Necropolis'' by [[Dan Abnett]], they fought with the [[Tanith First (And Only)]] during the [[Sabbat Worlds Crusade]] on Vervunhive. Light infantry and poorly equipped, courtesy of their homeworld being far down the [[Administratum|Departmento Munitorum]]'s list, they come with a bad reputation of being lazy with warfare and training approach. However, when lasers and bullets start whistling around, they are tenacious fighters. They suffered heavy casualties against the much better equipped [[Blood Pact]]. Their uniforms are made of mustard color fatigues, flak armor and a netted helmet.<br />
<br />
* Vitrian Dragoons, ancient Babylonians... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! with a bit of Ottoman Empire. Another regiment featured in Dan Abnett's novels. Shock infantry. Wear carapace armour made from a glassy metal from their home world. They also have their own [[Ultramarines|codex which tells them tactical situations and how to react in combat scenarios.]]<br />
<br />
==[[/tg/_40,000#Imperial_Guard | /tg/ Homebrew Guard Forces]]==<br />
Here are some of the regiments spawned by /tg/.<br />
* [[Cendra#Armed_Forces |Cendran Abolishers]]: Pyromaniacs who eat the burnt flesh of their enemies.<br />
* [[Darmine#Darmine_Marshalls | Darmine Marshalls]]: Elite sharpshooters supported by huge amounts of explosive collar-fitted penal troopers.<br />
*[[Onóir#Onóir First and Foremost | Onóir First and Foremost]]: Heavy troopers who use an unholy amount of [[Valkyrie|Valkyries]] and flamethrowers<br />
* [[Ferdain#Ferdain_Mustangs | Ferdain Mustangs]]: Cavalry regiment that use genetically tailored horses that are practically heavy armour.<br />
* [[Sauristoni#Armed_Forces| Sauristoni Ghostchasers]]: Renowned scouts and trackers who are experts on Eldar.<br />
* [[1st Membranes]]: A regiment made almost entirely of psykers from a black ship that crashed on a forge world.<br />
* [[Arianius Divided Regiments]]: Regiments are segregated along gender lines. Men are [[Choppa|slicey]] women are [[Dakka|shooty.]]<br />
* [[Kandam | Kandamii Crabhunters]]: A regiment made up of Augmented soldiers who specialize in Oceanic and Aerial warfare.<br />
*[[New Terran Rangers]]: Or (NTR) for short. Are a group of <s>Slaaneshi cultist</s> I mean totally loyal Guard that all others should aspire to be. Others should stride to be as heroic as them.<br />
*[[Unbreakable Tritons]]: A rigorous and disciplined regiment, specializing in aquatic/amphibious, and naval combat.<br />
* [[Terranknights | Terran Knights]]: Elite regiments recruited exclusively from Terra. As a result they have some of the best equipment in the Imperium. <br />
* [[Hell Harlots|2478th Penal Legion, "Hell Harlots"]]: All-female [[penal legion]] close combat drop troops made up entirely of the same religious prison gang.<br />
* [[All_Guardsmen_Party| Generian 99th Medium Infantry]]: The original regiment of the [[All_Guardsmen_Party | All Guardsmen Party]] spawning some of the most dangerous, heretical, yet pragmatic acolytes in the entire inquisition.<br />
*[[Hua Yuan Exterminators|Hua Yuan Exterminators]]: Tyranid hunters and Hive warfare Specialists that use unique 'Color And Mayhem' tactics to disorient and daze in the cramped not!Honk Kong they're from. By far the most fleshed out /tg/ regiment to date.<br />
*[[Franchfarran Legion]]: One of the stupidest ideas to come out of thinking about 40k. Beats the Benveadig Militia though...<br />
*[[Varkhat| The Varkhese Legionnaires]]: Heroes of the Siege of Varkhat and the infamous mechanised force used by the Mechanicus in its recent terraforming endevours.<br />
* [[Argo Brigade]]: Regiment of brutally effective counterinsurgency operators who really, really enjoy crucifying dissidents, dissident sympathizers, and xenos upside down and/or sideways.<br />
* The Karthak Raiders: Purple-clad Cadians with names like Kinmar, Kinfey and Kinross. There's a short story about them coming soon.<br />
* [[Clavessa_Secundus| Clavessa Bush Brigade]]: Some poor sods who are posted in-orbit on the most parasitic death-world planet in the universe. EVERYTHING is a parasite here. It also has [[Bees|DEATH BEES]]. And the worst thing is, the enemies of the Imperium KEEP INVADING this place for some stupid reason (it says everything when the Orks are the only ones with ACTUALLY sensible, rational and understandable reasons to keep coming back to attack this shithole)<br />
* [[Void Trekkers]]: Galaxy Quest meets the grim darkness of 40k.<br />
<br />
== See Also ==<br />
*[[Imperial Guard Regiment Creation Tables]]<br />
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Imperial_Guard (9E)|Imperial Guard Tactics in-game.]]<br />
*[[Lasgun]]<br />
*[[Chem-chan]]<br />
*[[Sentinel]]<br />
*[[Hellhound Tank]]<br />
*[[Basilisk Artillery Gun]]<br />
*[[Leman Russ Battle Tank]]<br />
*[[Baneblade]]<br />
*[[Commissar]]<br />
*[[Imperium]]<br />
*[[Only War]] - The official Tabletop RPG of the Guard! Formerly.<br />
*[[Kasrkin-chan]]<br />
*[http://www.forgeworld.co.uk/The_Horus_Heresy/Solar_Auxilia] - The Imperial Guard before they became the Astra Militarum of today, The awesome looking [[Solar Auxilia|SOLAR AUXILIA]]! Thank the Emperor for [[Forge World]].<br />
*[[Regulations of the Imperial Guard]] Things The Imperial Guard Is No Longer Allowed To Do.<br />
*[[Lost and the Damned]]<br />
*[[Wargames Atlantic]] for cheaper alternative models[[https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Wargames_Atlantic#External_Links|Wargames_Atlantic]]<br />
*[[Gue'vesa]]<br />
*[[Genestealer Cult]]<br />
*[[Digganobz]]<br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
* [https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Astra_Militarum Lexicanum on the Imperial Guard]<br />
* [https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Astra_Militarum WH40k Wikia on the Astra Militarum]<br />
* [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_Guard_(Warhammer_40,000) Wikipedia Article]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
<center><br />
<gallery><br />
File:Faces of Warriors.png|Imperial Guard Veterans... Rare but not impossible, folks!<br />
File:Guard Regiments 1.jpg<br />
File:Guard Regiments 2.jpg<br />
Image:Greeting.jpg<br />
Image:Propaganda_by_DemonMads.jpg<br />
Image:YoDawg.jpg<br />
Image:IG_(2).jpg|<br />
Image:Guardsmen.jpg|But this works too.<br />
Image:1230085088983.png|[[wat]]<br />
Image:Winterassault.jpg|Who needs Pauldrons?<br />
Image:Repercussions.png|Commissar in action<br />
Image:IG_(1).jpg|What the [[Jokaero]] should have been.<br />
Image:The Courage of Man.png|AVE IMPERATOR MOTHERFUCKERS!<br />
Image:Magnus Kale.png|Guardsmen - They Just Never Stop<br />
Image:Basilisk.png|[[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisks]] are [[AWESOME]]<br />
Image:balls.jpg|Imagine this, only 4 times bigger, heck even the women have 'em!<br />
Image:GuardsmanHelmet.jpg|This man shows doubt. He will soon be executed.<br />
Image:Warhammer-orcs.jpg|Come and get some, fucking green-skins!<br />
Image:Guardsman.jpg|This is painfully accurate... except for missing the FUCKHEUG BALLS OF STEEL.<br />
Image:1267818498305.jpg|One should never underestimate the awesomeness of a Guardsman.<br />
Image:Grimdark checkers.jpg|In the grimdarkness of the 41st millennium, there are still old men playing checkers.<br />
</gallery><br />
</center><br />
{{Promotions}}<br />
<center><br />
<gallery><br />
Image:Mira.jpg|It suggests a deep strike and close-quarters engagement.<br />
Image:IG_melta.jpg|She's hotter than her meltagun.<br />
Image:Catachan-n.jpg<br />
Image:IG_Babes_(1).jpg<br />
Image:IG_Babes_(2).jpg<br />
Image:IG_Babes_(3).jpg<br />
Image:IG_Babes_(5).jpg<br />
Image:Krieg_chan_01_by_Jaekyu.jpg<br />
Image:Krieg_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg<br />
Image:1227223498011.jpg<br />
Image:IG_mot1.jpg<br />
Image:IG_mot2.jpg<br />
Image:IG_mot3.jpg<br />
Image:Kasrkin_chan_sans_helmet_by_Jaekyu.jpg<br />
Image:Kasrkin_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg<br />
Image:IG_Babes_(4).jpg|"Thank the Emperor! Action!"<br />
Image:Imperial_Guardswoman_by_IronShrineMaiden.jpg|Ponytails and light weaponry are standard issue.<br />
Image:F0r t3h Emp3r0r by Kazuv.jpg|Even pregnant chicks get conscripted.<br />
Image:Vostroy_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg|Vostroya is a cold and crappy place. Still people like it there. Guess why?<br />
Image:Vostroya san by sexual yeti-da50g3x.png|[[Promotions|PROMOTIONS]]<br />
</gallery><br />
</center><br />
<br />
==Navigation==<br />
{{Imperial-Guard}}<br />
{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}<br />
{{Imperium}}<br />
{{WH40k-Factions}}</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=The_Dresden_Files_RPG&diff=1009123The Dresden Files RPG2026-03-21T14:30:52Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008991 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:Dresdenwiki.jpg|500px|thumb|right]]<br />
{{topquote|The building was on fire [[Pretend|and it wasn't my fault]].|Harry Dresden}}<br />
{{topquote|He's Gandalf on crack and an IV of Red Bull.|A description of Harry while on a case}}<br />
<br />
The Dresden files RPG is a roleplaying game from Evil Hat productions. The game is set in the urban fantasy world of the popular Dresden Files books written by Jim Butcher - the World of Darkness, if folks decided "Fuck brooding! Gimme my bourbon, I wanna sock the bastards!" The game was released on June 23rd, 2010.<br />
<br />
The game mechanics uses the [[FATE System]], a riff off of the [[FUDGE]] generic rpg system, already made popular by Spirit of the Century. The Dresden Files RPG is the first official "version 3.0" instance of the FATE System.<br />
<br />
DFRPG is maybe the most popular FATE adaption. Its main drawbacks are the generally overpowered magic-users (vanilla mortals FTW!) and the fact that every mention on [[/tg/]] causes a [[Mary Sue|very special]] avatarfag and his army of hateboys to appear.<br />
<br />
===City Creation===<br />
Probably the best-kept secret of the game, the city creation rules are a great toolkit allowing for players to collaboratively build the kind of city they want to adventure in, and are broken into three main phases.<br />
<br />
====Overall====<br />
The overall part of city building is where the kind of game, and the NPC's that are going to be a part of the game world are decided upon by the players and Game master. This is done by firstly choosing three themes or threats in any combination, that will have an effect on the overall tone and dangers that the players will face.<br />
<br />
For example<br />
<br />
'''Cambridge (UK)'''<br />
<br />
'''Lessons Taught, Lessons Forgot''' (THEME); '''Decay Masqued by Art''' (THEME); '''A Festival of Violence''' (THREAT).<br />
<br />
As Cambridge (UK) is a university town with a long history to both theater and various festivals, these three things can be used almost immediately to create the three themes/threats that the players will be dealing with. Old Books and historical legacies lost in one of the many storerooms owned by the university (whose campus covers a majority of the city) means that there will be a strong and well established theme of information hunting and rarely some of those things actually being right, and very dangerous.<br />
<br />
The theaters in Cambridge have been around a long time, with one of the most famous and established theaters (the Cambridge Arts Theater, 1936) having exactly 666 seats (the incorrect number of the beast) and is host to the universities triennial Cambridge Greek Play, which is preformed in ancient Greek, more than enough to build something off. However a lot of theater groups face struggles in the city despite its close connections to the arts. Mostly due to their hidden WCV masters who keep the theaters failing and desperate so as to maximize the Despair they can feed upon.<br />
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Lastly for this example would be the many, many SUMMER festival that are hosted in, or nearby, the city. Cambridge folk, Cambridge Art, and Cambridge Beer Festivals being the most famous examples, although another long-running festival to take note of would be "The Midsummer Fair" itself chartered by King John himself. These festivals could potentially generate a lot of arcane power which is normally fed into the Summer court, allowing them their influence on this part of the mortal plane, but they are also open easy attack, whether bureaucratic or violent as something else attempts to subsume this power from Summer.<br />
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So in this city the PC's can clearly expect to deal with ancient, and forgotten knowledge coming back into the world of the living, festivals that are an easy source of metaphysical power to anyone powerful or moronic enough to stand up to Summer, and something, something to do with the failing, and decrepit theaters that seem to face struggle after struggle.<br />
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All of this is broken down into the Mortal/Supernatural Status Quo; a paragraph each to describe the Supernatural Status Qou (The Summer Court keeps an eye on the Festivals as they gain hard fought influence from them, ancient knowledge sleeps uneasily beneath the university, and the WC have a steady food supply from the failing theaters.), and the Mortal Status Quo, (INSERT HERE). Which is used alongside the Movers and Shakers Box, a Mendelow Matrix set to the axis's of "Who is in the Dark/Who is in the Know" (describing who knows what about the supernatural in the city) and "Who wants to Maintain the Status Quo/Who want to Rock the Boat" (Who is happy with the way things are against who wants things to change, usually in their own favor).<br />
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As a good guideline, unless it's in a particularly law-abiding city, the cops should be slap bang in the middle, with maybe a little bit more towards awareness of the supernatural. The cops don't want things to always remain the same; they want things to get better, people to stop disappearing, bodies to stop showing up on the streets, corruption to stop being untouchable; but neither do they want things to cange so far that there is chaos on the streets, looting, rioting, cats and dogs living together, MASS HYSTERIA!<br />
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I've skipped over Theme/Threat Aspects, and the faces that go along with each Theme/Threat for now as they will eventually get their own sections.<br />
<br />
====Locales====<br />
This part of City Building is putting those Themes and Threats into solid locations where the PC's may interact with the NPC's. While the official sheet may only have nine slots open, these are your repeating main locales for the entire city, don't feel forced into having exactly nine locations for your city and only ever using using those nine locations.<br />
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Each location has several parts consisting of a Name (no duh), a basic description (no duh), whether it is part of a theme or a threat, the core idea behind the location, the Location Aspect, and the face behind the Location and their basic concept, so to continue on the Cambridge example an example Location could be...<br />
<br />
'''Name''': Hinton Cherry Hall Festival Grounds<br />
'''Description''': Regularly used summer festival grounds<br />
'''THEME/THREAT''': Threat<br />
'''Idea''': The Summer Court's main stomping grounds in the city<br />
'''Aspect''': Magically Charged Festival Grounds<br />
'''Face''': Jane Clements (Lady Fairwinds) (Summer Sylph Festival Co-ordinator)<br />
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This needs to be done several times, enough to properly represent each force in the city, and each of the three themes/threats. However not every locale needs to have a NPC face. It is completely possible for a PC to be the face of a Location provided they have a significant investment in that particular location, an example would be a True Believer PC being the face of a local place of worship where NPC's come for spiritual advice which tips the PC's into something new happening. Other options for the face could also be an actual mythical figure (slightly rare in the Dresden Files, most mythical figures have some form of existence), a murder victim, or an organisation that the PC's may have to contend with (authorities, criminal gangs, cults, etc). So long as the PC's are capable of interacting with them anything (within reason) could make a decent face, although a murder victim may make for a rather impermanent one.<br />
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====Faces====<br />
Once you have all the locations you need, and you and your players have agreed upon what exactly they are, what they represent, and what Faces they have, you and your group then need to detail each Face to go with each location, this includes the Face's Name, what Location they represent, their High Concept, Motivations and any relationships they might have with other important NPC's in the city.<br />
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Don't worry about putting every single detail on the city Face sheets, each face should have its own separate character sheet eventually.<br />
<br />
So to continue the Cambridge example...<br />
<br />
We'll break from Hinton Cherry Hall because not only are the motivations of the Sidhe strange and inhuman, but she's a female Sidhe so who knows what the fuck is going on behind those eyes, let's instead go to (the made up) Mill Street Market (Cambridge has a lot of the general markets in real life we're just solidifying one of these to actual buildings).<br />
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Mill Street is one of Cambridge's most famous markets, and one of the most famous in the UK itself. Not for being a regular local produce, farmers market full of organic produce and environmental sensibilities which are all the rage today, but because it's one of the largest multi-national markets, you want to find something from some dinky little province in China, a legitimate African Shaman Mask, or even something stranger? You're going to be hard pressed, but you'll find it somewhere on Mill Street.<br />
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This makes Mill Street Market a solid location, rife with potential, and problems, but players can't just interact with each store owner when looking for every single little thing, you're going to end up with a bunch of remarkably similar NPC's with the distinction "yeah, but he sells ''Russian'' stuff, rather than Jamaican stuff", which will only increase your book-keeping exponentially, and for not a lot of payoff.<br />
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This is where the Face comes in, you need to make a single NPC who the players can interact with, while still representing the entire streets interests. This face can be the head of a market committee, a particularly patriarchal/maternal store owner who keeps an eye on the entire street, or even an actual city council official who interferes with the PC's attempt to buy the stuff that's slightly illegal to own in public, but not to have in stock for selling (lock-picks, cultural items that should be in museums, poisonous plants, small stuff a bureaucrat could make your life hell over).<br />
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For this Example we'll roll with a shop owner who has been well established thanks in part to his supernatural contacts, his minor talent that allows him to drive really good bargains, and the fact that he regularly represents the street against the city council, because of its connections to multiple parts of the Nevernever, including the Bizarre Bazaar, a Fae market where anything is for sale.<br />
<br />
'''Name''': Vihaan Kendle<br />
'''Locale''': Mill Street Market<br />
'''High Concept''': Market Wizard<br />
'''Motivation''': Mill Street's Secrets must be kept.<br />
'''Relationships''': Jane Clements (A deal with Summer keeps this place safe from the Seelie and protected from the Unseelie), Chris Faulkner (Fellow Secret Keeper), Prof Nigel Sterling (Nosy old man with no idea what he's trying to dig up), other Store Owners (The people I'm trying to protect) [UNKNOWN] Karl Helbrect (I am an obstacle in his way).<br />
<br />
==The Actual Dresden Files==<br />
[[Image:Dresden 1.jpg|thumb|right|Standard Dresdenverse event]]<br />
===Books===<br />
They're pretty awesome, seriously, go read them. Private Eye/Wizard Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden takes on the forces of evil with his magic, his wits, and a near endless supply of old pop culture references. I'll try to summarize them without spoiling them, if it seems that i'm putting in the most exciting bits, I'm not, they're just that great.<br />
# ''Storm Front'': Not the author's best work but not terrible. Involves curses, a drug ring, and naked battles with a demon (it's less kinky than it sounds.)<br />
# ''Fool Moon'': Widely regarded as the worst book in the series but still pretty passable. Has werewolves out the wazoo (totally not furries, trust me. And Dresden ''does'' get the line, "[[Awesome|... or I'll kill you before you're halfway]] to [[furry]]" whilst holding a wolfaboo at gunpoint.)<br />
# ''Grave Peril'': This is where shit gets good; Vampires (WoD variety with a side of Succubus/Incubus, not Twilight shit, you'll learn to hate them for completely different reasons though) and a scary-ass powerful ghost.<br />
# ''Summer Knight'': Faeries (the old folklore "Steal Children and Mutilate Livestock/People" kind, not the Disney kind). Its got badass Dark Eldar-type Faeries, slightly less badass Craftworld-type Faeries, and everything in between. Also, the sobering after-effects of losing a loved one and emotional crap like that. Also, don't call them faeries to their faces (its like a racial slur.)<br />
# ''Death Masks'': To sum it up, atheist warriors of heaven, conquistador vampires, Fallen Angels, and a villain so evil that he makes Honsou look like Sanguinius. Seriously, he's so evil, that a Fallen Angel literally older than the concept of time thinks that he's one of the most evil things ever. Also it got a Samurai Paladin.<br />
# ''Blood Rites'': A pretty good read despite the ridiculous premise. Two different flavors of vampire and porn stars. Manages to be pretty awesome.<br />
# ''Dead Beat'': One of the best if not the best book in the series. Dresden fights necromancers and rides a zombie T-rex,if that does not sound awesome you are very clearly disturbed. Also, theres's a Warhammer Fantasy easter egg that rhymes with Shmeinrich Shmemmler.<br />
# ''Proven Guilty'': Tracking down monsters that feed on fear at a horror movie convention. Its a bit slow at the start, but ends really well. Good book for Molly fans.<br />
# ''White Night'': Most of the details are spoilery, but basically, something's hunting magic users and framing Harry. A number of long-running sub-plots culminate. <br />
# ''Small Favor:'' The villain from ''Death Masks'' comes back and tries to start the apocalypse again AND Harry has to deal with Faeries again. Includes dolphins, angry goats, a hostage situation, and a quest for a fresh donut, don't worry, it'll make sense.<br />
# ''Turn Coat'': This one's bad guy might second closest thing to pure evil since that guy from ''Death Masks'', it may be even more evil than him. Also, there's a magic cop who was framed for a murder he didn't commit and now he's on the run from his former allies while he tries to clear his name. Will he find out who's responsible? Will he get revenge? Will I stop trying to make this sound like an 80's television show? MAYBE.<br />
# ''Changes:'' A whole bunch of spoilers, like paradigm shift, next level spoilers. It's a bit more of a thriller than a mystery but this is where shit gets real in the series. Do NOT start with this book, or any one that comes after it. They're amazing but they'll ruin the whole series for you and they usually require some prior knowledge of the series to fully appreciate. <br />
# ''Ghost Story:'' Pure unadulterated spoiler, sorry. But it recaptures some of the noir atmosphere from the earlier books and sets you up for the next story arc.<br />
# ''Cold Days'': An assassination/training montage, followed by ballroom dancing, followed by investigation, followed by H.P. Lovecraft references, followed by more investigation. And insane Faeries throughout the entire books. Also, Santa's there, which is awesome, except when you learn that Santa is inspired by Odin, who also happened to be the inspiration for Khorne (which might actually make it even more awesome).<br />
# ''Skin Game'': Tied with ''Dead Beat'' for the best book. Imagine ''Ocean's Eleven'', but replace breaking into a casino with breaking into the Underworld (yes, the one where Hades lives), and replace a buttload of money with the Holy Grail. A welcome chance to let the new status quo finally sink in for a bit, after three books of ''dramatically shattering it forever'', as well as a sweet-ass thriller.<br />
# ''Peace Talks'': Marcone attempts to hold a Peace Conference for the Accorded Nations to see if they can make peace wih the Fomor, Harry deals with family drama, Thomas is revealed to be a father-to-be, Dresden gets a disease straight from The Other Harry's universe (seriously, Conjurivitus?), and shit directly leads off into the next book in the series "Battle Grounds". Very much a finding of feet after 6 years of no releases.<br />
# ''Battle Grounds'': Everything explodes. Seriously. Everything. Chicago is on fire, the supernatural world is simultaneously going to war and pissing itself, and Harry, as always, is smack damn in the middle of it. How could he not be when someone brings a magic superweapon to his town? Mixes in some moments of levity, some absolute heartbreak, a METRIC TON of action scenes, and a few twists (some kinda obvious, some not so much.) If all you have ever wanted is to see your favorite supernatural characters kicking the shit out of each other, this is the book for you.<br />
<br />
===Comics===<br />
# "Welcome to the Jungle" - Takes place before Storm Front. A mad gorilla has killed a security guard, only problem is how did it get out of its enclosure, kill the guard as he emptied a full mag into it, partially clean up after its viscous assault, get back into enclosure, and lock up after itself.<br />
# Graphic novel remakes of ''Storm Front'' and ''Fool Moon'', with a certain amount of artistic turnover.<br />
# "Ghoul, Goblin" - Takes place after ''Fool Moon'', before ''Grave Peril''. Harry is called out to small town of "Boone Mill" after the singularly unlucky Talbot family starts to have its members dying off in unnatural ways.<br />
# "War Cry" - Take place after ''Dead Beat'', before ''Proven Guilty''. Lots of spoilery details, but with a house full of scholars hiding a secret, and a besieging army of vampires Harry is in for the fight of his life.<br />
# "Downtown" - Takes place after ''White Night'', and before ''Small Favor''. Something is hunting down shopowners that pay protection to Marcone. Something magical is killing shopowners in Harry's city. Time for wacky buddy-cop movie style shenanigans. Only with more visceral horror, death, homeless people, and absurdly spacious sewers.<br />
# "Wild Card" - Takes place after "Downtown", and before ''Small Favor''. When a mysterious fairy begins ripping a trail of carnage across Chicago, Dresden gets involved trying to track it down, but this Fairy isn't just the "normal" fairy serial killer...<br />
# "Dog Men" - Harry travels down south with Listens to the Wind to investigate attacks by royalty-free werewolves. Features flirting with Ghouls, Harry's best Doomguy grin, and the first canon confirmation of a government bureau that deals with the supernatural.<br />
<br />
===Short Stories===<br />
In no particular order (for now)<br />
<br />
*''Vignette'': extremely short, not much to say other than Harry and Bob having a relatively meaningless conversation (Free online, Side Jobs)<br />
*''Restoration of Faith'': Harry before he became an independent P.I., working alongside a P.I. mentor on a missing child case (Free Online, Side Jobs)<br />
*''Something Borrowed'': a wedding, where "borrowed" means kidnapped and impersonated (Side Jobs)<br />
*''Heorot'': brewing festival and Beowulf, plus bikers, sewers, and an explanation of virginity throughout the ages (Side Jobs)<br />
*''It's My Birthday Too'': LARP, vampires, and LARP vampires (Side Jobs)<br />
*''Day Off'': wherein Harry experiences more stress than he does on the job (Side Jobs)<br />
*''Backup'': metrosexuality in a hair salon and shadow wars (Thomas's perspective) (Side Jobs)<br />
*''The Warrior'': no funny/unfunny description for this one, its just a good story about Harry and Michael doing the right thing (Side Jobs)<br />
*''Curses'': Chicago Cubs and the Billy Goat Curse<br />
*''Bombshells'': sexy former hobo vigilantes and fish people who are into snuff. (Dangerous Women)<br />
*''Last Call'': beer and has-been "demigoddesses" (washed up hedonism spirit from ancient greece, nowhere near modern demigod levels) trying to tamper with it (Side Jobs)<br />
*''Love Hurts'': wherein Harry once again learns that love does indeed hurt (Side Jobs)<br />
*''Aftermath'': SPOILERS that's what (Side Jobs)<br />
*''B is for Bigfoot'': turns out, being half-Sasquatch gets you bullied in elementary school, especially the bullies are spoiled rotten half-dwarf little shits. (Working for Bigfoot)<br />
*''I was a Teenage Bigfoot'': half-bigfoot at S.M.A.G.T., Saint Mark's Academy for the Gifted and Talented, yes, it is a stupid acronym. (Working for Bigfoot)<br />
*''Bigfoot on Campus'': our little bigfoot has grown up and gotten himself a football scholarship plus a smokin' hot GF, no dark secrets here, no siree, completely normal unrealistically attractive girlfriend and her insanely wealthy father who definitely doesn't want her to fuck him to death, whether she's on board with that part or not (Working for Bigfoot)<br />
*''Even Hand'': a day in the life of the most successful mobster in the american midwest (Dark and Stormy Knights.)<br />
*''AAAA Wizardy'': Harry gives lectures to young Wardens (RPG Book-Our World)<br />
*''Jury Duty'': a murder trial where the murder weapon was a bowling pin (Unbound)<br />
*''Cold Case'': This story is not funny, its not supposed to be, its just straight up harrowing. Its a descent into compulsive madness and the loss of innocence and identity forever.<br />
*'''Day One''': it appears that the Almighty is familiar with standard MMORPG quest-giving mechanics<br />
*''A Fistful of Warlocks'': Captain of the White Council's Wardens chasing necromancers in the Old West. (Straight Outta Tombstone anthology/Brief Cases)<br />
*''Zoo Day'': The events of a relaxing visit to the local zoo, retold from three different perspectives, each one encountering their own problems. (new story exclusive to Brief Cases)<br />
<br />
===Factions, Races, and Supernatural Nations===<br />
If all this seems excessively expansive and convoluted as shit, keep in mind that on this page there's lore from 16 books, 7 comics, and a couple dozen short stories, not to mention a healthy dose of meta and speculation. <br />
<br />
{{Template:Spoilers}}<br />
*A Note on Terminology in the books, fanbase, and this page<br />
**'''WoJ''': ''Word of Jim'', anything the author says in interviews or Q&As. A reference to both general literary ''Word of God'' and the ''Word of Kemmler''(see below under: '''Kemmlerites''')<br />
**'''Vanilla Mortal''': a regular human being w/o significant magic powers<br />
**'''Whampire''': derogatory but deserved slang for White Court Vampire<br />
**'''Rampire''': derogatory but deserved slang for Red Court Vampire<br />
**'''Blampire''': derogatory but deserved slang for Black Court Vampire<br />
**'''OG Merlin''': the Original Merlin, like the one who worked w/ King Arthur<br />
**'''WC''': White Council, pun intended<br />
<br />
====The White Council====<br />
A collection of the most powerful mortal magic users on the planet (wizards) that's existed since the Dark Ages (maybe even before). Entry could be seen as the equivalent of getting a Master's degree or earning your blackbelt in magic. Is extremely powerful but is ridiculed by the other factions for being obsessed with tradition and inflexible (which it is, to an extent). What most of these other factions don't seem to appreciate is that without the Council acting as an Inquisition for magic users by upholding the Laws of Magic, the rest of them would be forced to contend with insane black magic users breaking reality left and right, shattering the Masquerade and burning them alive from the inside out for shits and giggles. Also, the Council would have even more phenomenal political and destructive power if it weren't constrained by the very Laws it upholds and if it weren't run by conservative geezers obsessed with the status quo. If a human breaks the Laws of Magic, the Council's grey cloaked Wardens drag them to a random black site and execute them, no exceptions, no second chances (mostly). Since mortal magic users exude a murphyonic field around themselves, complex mechanical and electrical devices short out around them (shit breaks when they're nearby). This isn't that much of a handicap, since they only short out stuff built after WWII (roughly, it isn't a hard cutoff) and even then only if its complex like a computer, and even then it mostly happens when they actually use their magic. Most of them have found magical workarounds to compensate for this. For some reason no wizard has ever created magical computers, despite the fact that basic binary computing is actually very simple, and we've seen wizards use much more complex magic throughout the series. The EMP effect is actually relatively recent, wizards have a probability effect that changes from time period to time period, it used to give them warts or cause fires to burn weird colors.<br />
<br />
[[Image:HarryDresden.jpg|thumb|right|Harry, on the job]]<br />
*'''Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden''': Our titular character, a wizard and private investigator. A very tall and profoundly (un)lucky man, Harry Dresden is almost the perfect archetypal noire detective, but with a heavy dose of modern snark and humor. Born to an actual witch and a stage magician and orphaned at a young age, Harry Dresden is adopted by a friend of his mother and trained in the ways of magic. Sounding pretty generic, right? WRONG! His adoptive father, Justin DuMorne is actually a Warlock (black magic user) and was training Harry to be a loyal enforcer. When his adoptive father tries to put him in a psychic headlock of forced loyalty, Dresden ends up burning him to death in an impromptu wizard's duel. Naturally, the Wardens (Wizard Cops) show up and arrest Harry for killing with magic, a violation of the Laws of Magic that Harry was never told about. He barely avoids getting beheaded, due to the fact that he was acting in self defense against Black Magic, and because elder wizard Ebenezar McCoy speaks on his behalf and agrees to foster him. He's then placed under parole, with the penalty for violation being death, for the majority of his young adulthood. Being by far the most powerful mage of his generation and an the only openly practicing wizard, mortals see him as a charlatan or a looney; much of the wizard community sees him as a loose cannon at best, an unrepentant warlock at worst, although a good chunk of the White Council's younger generation look up to him as someone who is not afraid to call the senior council out. While low-level practitioners generally see him as a walking disaster and bully like they see all wizards (although their opinion shfits greatly as he grows in fame, joins wizard-KGB, and founds a mage neighbourhood-watch network). Other supernaturals generally treat all wizards with distrust and respectful fear, but over the course of series Harry's (partially misguided) reputation among non-human supernaturals grows from "Be afraid" to "OH FUCK HE'S AFTER ME!". Because of this he's become something of a loner, though he does have a few close friends. He's been in several relationships, but most ended in blood, tears, or flames. An honest man, he tries to do the right thing, but often, the right thing gets you put on the shit lists of vampire lords and the like. He's chivalrous to a fault, causing him no shortage of pain. It ''might'' be fair to call him honorable in that he prefers not to lie and will do his best to help the helpless, but he's not above fighting dirty or weaseling his way out of a deal, especially where his Godmother is concerned. Despite being a generally good person, he sees his own power as something he needs to carefully hold in check. He's well aware of the fact that with all his power he's one moment of careless rage away from burning down a building or blowing up a gas station, so he sees the careful and righteous use of power as being very important, though he never hesitates to use his power where he feels it's needed (read: burn down any building that looks at him funny). Harry has a bad habit of focusing a little bit too much on the features of attractive women, if this seems a little sexist, know that this is an intentional and acknowledged character flaw that is a result of Harry's messed-up upbringing; his sexual development was intentionally manipulated to make him easier to control, he gradually loses this flaw over time(only to have it replaced with paranoia, self-loathing, and more loneliness) and he himself constantly works to control his libido. His immense magical power is severely hampered by the lack of control and refinement resulting a very low cost-effectiveness with "quick and dirty" field magic - his fire evocations are huge explodey fireballs, his shields are direct force absorbers and his telekinesis can throw a car but cannot hit a button across a room - for this reason most wizards and many of the other supernaturals see him as kind of a brute. This often backfires on them as they underestimate his intelligence and take his maverick facade for granted. His enemies who know him better often go too far on the other side of misreading his character and think his "magical brute" facade is entirely fake and he's far more devious and masterful than he really is, which is kind of understandable as the pile of bodies he leaves behind grows over the course of series and includes things a wizard of his caliber have no business surviving against. Later his evocation skill grows to a respectful level only for him to often find himslef fighting without his focus tools at hand which pretty much brings him back to "wasting raw power on flashy and powerful but barely controlled spells" level. Meanwhile his thaumaturgy is way more refined and controlled as he fucking ''loves'' tinkering with rituals, artifacts and potions in his free time and the majority of his day work also revolves around using thaumaturgical rituals to find people or lost things.<br />
**'''Subconscious Harry''': The manifestation of Harry's subconscious mind, "Id Harry" is what Harry could be if he were to stop trying to be so selfless and concerned with being a good guy. Unlike most repressed alter-egos, Id Harry is presented as neither wholly evil nor wholly good, he's nothing more than Dresden's self preservation instincts, sex drive, and untapped potential (which also kind of makes him Harry's super-ego, sort of), if Harry were to stop putting himself in danger for others and let go of all the baggage that the universe heaped on him, he'd be more wealthy and confident, but he'd also be kind of a dick. He also tends to notice and understand things that Harry doesn't consciously know, so take that as you will. Whenever Harry meets his Id he always points out that his Id is dressed darkly, black leather duster, black shirt, black dress trousers, smart black shoes, neatly trimmed goatee, tidy hair, all of which speaks to Harry's fear of his repressed desires making him evil. Something which Id Harry calls boring and uninspired.<br />
<br />
*'''The Original Merlin''': founder of the White Council(at least its current incarnation) and the most powerful human magic user ever recorded. A former student of Odin, he created the Council to regulate magic use and protect mortals from black magic, as of ''Cold Days'' its implied that the stuff about regulating magic is merely secondary to the Council's true purpose, defending reality from the Outsiders. Despite laying down the Laws of Magic, he himself is confirmed to have broken the Sixth Law, performing a single action at different points in the time stream, simultaneously(try wrapping your brain around that), adding credence to the theory that Laws 1-6 are a smokescreen for the 7th. According to Arthurian myth, he's not entirely human, so he might have been a Changeling(or a Changeling who Chose to be human) or a Scion. His surviving enchantments defy all known laws of physics and all known understanding of magic.<br />
<br />
*'''Margaret LeFay''': Harry's mom who died shortly after giving birth to him. Harry's got a rose tinted view of her, since he believes his life wouldn't have been so shitty if she had been around. But as the series progresses, its become increasingly clear that she was involved in shady business and was practicing Black Magic, and that her unsavory connections and actions are actually the reason why his life has been so crappy. "LeFay" is an epithet given to anyone who is deeply involved with the Fae Courts. Opinions differ as to whether she was just a misguided idealist or an irresponsible contrarian. She was over 100 years old when she became pregnant with Harry, though given how much time she'd spent in other parts of reality, it's entirely possible that her theoretical age was different from her practical age.<br />
<br />
*'''Samuel Peabody''': The council's main Bureaurocromancer and the guy who takes the minutes at each of the meetings. It's stated that the council would be nowhere as efficient as it is without him. He dislikes untidy things to a rather pathological degree and is rather poor at German as his book "Die Lied der Erlking" a collection of poems and lore about The Erlking Has a glaring mistake right in the title. (The actual title should be "Das Lied des Erlkönigs")<br />
<br />
*'''Klaus "The Toymaker" Schneider''': A small wizard with a round belly and cheeks, and white hair. Klaus has long been the running contender (in the Merlin's opinion) for the next open seat in the Senior council, losing it to both Ebenezar McCoy, and Gregory Cristos. He's described as an enchanter with a reputation for skill and honesty, and what little we've heard of him has been positive. WoJ says that Klaus's method of channeling magic is the Author's favorite, but he's never had a chance to publish the short story he wrote about it. From the interview.<br />
"My favorite is probably from an unpublished short story I wrote, set in the Dresden Files universe, but during the Battle of the Bulge. The Nazis had a sorcerer operating out of an old monastery, and the White Council dispatched the Belgian wizard, Klaus the Toymaker. Klaus's magic is all based around using children's toys as focii. My favorite moment was when he killed a couple of SS-summoned demons with a windup wooden duck." <br />
<br />
=====The Senior Council=====<br />
The seven "ruling" wizards of the White Council. While the position is usually awarded for being one of the most ancient, experienced, influential wizards on the planet, positions can be selected due to political bullshit and the Senior Council tends to be aged and crotchety because of this. Contrary to what their name might imply, they actually have very little authority over the day to day lives of council members. Rather than a member of a ruling body, a position on the senior council could best be thought of as combining the responsibilities of Judge, Arbiter, Diplomat, Administrator, and in some cases Generals and Champions. There is also a certain amount of delegated authority given to certain members of the senior council. For example, Ancient Mai is implied to be responsible for diplomacy, Arthur Langtree seems to be responsible for arbitration within the council, Listens to the Wind commands the medical staff, the Gatekeeper is responsible for keeping Outsiders Outside, etc. Whether this is formal assignment of duties or simply wizards assuming the role they are best suited to is unknown, though it's strongly suggested that the Gatekeeper and The Merlin are formalized positions.<br />
*'''The Merlin/Arthur Langtry''': The Merlin is the formal leader of the white council. The current Merlin, Arthur Langtry, is a wizard and politician who believes in keeping an image of strength and solidarity against the terrors of the world above all else. Though he and Harry find themselves at odds often, he's not implied to be directly evil or malicious, just calculating, proud, and utterly ruthless in his politicking for the council. He's good with defensive warding magic. Like really, ''really'' good. As in, he once held off an entire court of vampires and outsiders with an improvised ward which had nothing to anchor itself against. As Harry points out several times, he didn't get his title by collecting bottlecaps.<br />
*'''The Gatekeeper/Wizard Rashid''' Rashid The Gatekeeper is the most mysterious of the current Senior Council, his purpose has something to do with "the Outer Gates", and it's heavily implied he has some ability to see the future, or at least is well connected with someone who can. Until "Cold Days" that's all we know, and even after that he's almost cryptic as before. Without going into major spoilers territory, we come to find out in later books that he's one of, if not ''the'' most important council member, as far as his role is concerned. He's one of the few characters that is taller than Harry putting him at somewhere around 6'10-7'00<br />
*'''Ebenezar McCoy/The Blackstaff''' Harry's second mentor, Ebenezar McCoy is a Scottish hill-billy (native to Scotland, immigrated to the US during the 17th century) who currently owns a ranch in the Ozarks. <s>He is also the Blackstaff, the Senior Council's secret wetworker who is exempt from the typical punishments those who broke the laws of magic would face. He is responsible for the Krakatoa Eruption, the New Madrid Earthquakes, and the Tunguska Event </s>. '''There is no such position within the council, no member would dare breach the laws of magic, and to imply such is subversive misinformation spread to weaken the council from within. If you hear any such seditious falsehoods, report to Wizard McCoy for summary Debrief and Reeducation.''' Despite his work for the council, he doesn't get along with the Merlin, as they fought on opposite sides of the French and Indian War. He specializes in evocation, specifically Earth and Gravity magic, and is mentioned as being one of the top evocators in the world. For example, he once pulled a derelict Russian satellite out of orbit against his enemies. Think about that. He had the magical strength to reach up into fucking ''ORBIT'' to pull down a several ton satellite, and was able to control the insane force of its meteoric descent enough to bring it down on a specific target. <br />
*'''Joseph Listens-to-Wind/Injun Joe''' A genuine Illinois medicine man, Listens-to-Wind is a Native American Wizard/Shaman, and one of the few truly decent people in the Dresden Universe. He is both a master of shapeshifting magic and healing biomancy, which isn't counting the fact that he goes back to medical school every few decades so he can keep up with current medical techniques. Generally level headed and calm, but holds plenty of anger about the fact the White Council's laws forced him to sit back and watch as his nation was destroyed. He's also a fucking genius. Think of how complex something like brain surgery is. Now imagine doing brain surgery with a current of energy you're controlling with your mind, without disrupting the electricity within the brain you're working on. Now imagine doing this and work like it every day for centuries. Call him "Injun Joe" without being Ebenezar McCoy at your own peril.<br />
*'''Martha Liberty''' An exceedingly tall African-American Wizard, very little is known about her. Worthy of note is that she's one of the few ancient wizards who lives with her family. Most wizards move away from their families after a century or so, to avoid the pain of seeing multiple generations of your family die. Martha lives with some of her great great granddaughters. <br />
*'''Ancient Mai''' The scariest old (human) woman you'll ever meet, ancient Mai lives up to her name. Despite being over over 400 freaking years old, she's said to retain much of her beauty, being compared to the flawless emptiness of a porcelain doll. She may or may not be the person in charge of handling contact with other supernatural powers as she sent out emissaries to both Faerie courts at the beginning of "Summer Knight", and becomes very formal and diplomatic in the presence of other supernatural powers, as we see in "Turn Coat". Her preferred form of magic is Enchantment and she is responsible for the Council's many magical constructs and golems/Wardhounds, beyond that, she is said to have "precious little gift for combat magic."<br />
*'''Gregory Cristos''' The newest member of the Senior Council. He leads a large multi-national bloc of wizards that represent nations that have been largely neglected by the White Council. His appointment was largely to avoid a split in the White Council which would lead to a civil war when they need it the least. While this allowed him to gain his position, he neither has seniority nor much respect from the rest of the senior council. Harry and Ebenezar consider if he's a member of the '''Black Council''', a highly placed catspaw whose rise to power they engineered, or just a useful idiot that fell into place. Considering his personal shows of wealth and desperation to make peace with less savory supernatural community members as diplomatic victories, he's likely just a well-meaning, but useful idiot to the Black Council. Harry and Ebenezar suspect that he's either a Mole or Incompetent; Ebenezar complains that Incompetents are more dangerous every time.<br />
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=====The Wardens=====<br />
The law enforcement and military arm of the White Council. Wizards trained in combat, investigation, and warfare. Wardens enforce the Seven Laws of Magic with extreme prejudice. You break the laws, the Wardens cut your head off. Every Warden is given a unique nigh-indestructible sword that can cut through magic, and a grey cloak that doesn't stain. Considering the amount of blood involved in cutting off heads this last one is important. When the Council goes to war with the Red Court they had to increase recruitment, so a lot of the Wardens are really young, some even in their late teens. This creates a dynamic of the conservative old guard disapproving of the young upstarts' willingness to use more aggressive and unorthodox methods, while the new Wardens disagree with the old geezers' excessive caution and overly rigid interpretation of the First Law. Harry is liked by many of the younger wardens, and most of the old guard hold him in a mix of suspicion and wary respect.<br />
*'''Anastasia Luccio''' Currently the Captain of the Wardens, formerly field commander, she is responsible for the organization, logistics, and training of the Wardens, due to necromantic body-switching psychic fuckery that ripped her out of her original body and into the much younger, magically weaker body of a grad student. She is still on of the scary members of the white council, as this switch did nothing to diminish her years of experience or masterful control, though it did weaken her magically, so she's no longer capable of forging the warden's swords as she once did (though goodness knows why she doesn't forge the enchantment while someone else does the magical heavy lifting, something the series has firmly established can be done). She's so good at fire evocation that some of her "fire" spells are more comparable to cutting lasers than anything else.<br />
*'''Donald Morgan''' The Field Commander of the Wardens. Morgan is fanatical in his service to the White Council, and especially the Merlin and Luccio. He's down paranoid and stern after years of seeing the horrors of black magic. He specializes in Earth Magic, and was said to be one of the best evocators alive, capable of doing quick and dirty like no one else. In a singular moment of unrivalled badassery he once lured a nigh-unkillable evil shapeshifter called a skinwalker (Naagloshii) onto a nuclear testing site, and escaped to through a portal seconds before the nuke went off. <br />
*'''Carlos Ramirez''' A "classically Spanish" Warden, Carlos is the youngest ever Regional Commander in the wardens, and one of Harry's few allies in the White Council. Witty, skilled, courageous, and something of a womanizer (though he may or may not actually be a virgin). He specializes in Water magic, specifically entropy magic, and is more than capable of hurling disintegration beams around in combat. <br />
*'''"Wild" Bill Meyers''': Warden in charge of the Southwest, specializes in earth magic and has been seen toting around a double barreled shotgun and a combat knife.<br />
*'''(Yuki?)Yoshimo''': Japanese Warden known to use biomancy and wind magic, carries around a silver katana, distant relative of Shiro Yoshimo(see: Knights of the Cross)<br />
*'''Justin DuMorne''': Harry's abusive adoptive father and first magic mentor. A former Warden and secret Warlock (Black Magic) user, DuMorne adopted Harry with the intent of raising him to be his Black-Magic-using underling. When Harry got lucky and stumbled onto his mentor's plans before he could impliment them, DuMorne tried to mentally enslave him. Harry began his long and illustrious career using Nike-Jutsu and ran the fuck away. Harry escaped into the "care" of his godmother, the Leanansidhe, after a brief stint of robbery and Outsider-Slaying. Lea then offered to make a faustian pact with him: she would give Harry the power required to defeat DuMorne. In exchange, he would belong to her. Harry then killed DuMorne in a magic duel, and did everything he could to snub his godmother on the deal. He may or may not have been a member of the Black Council.<br />
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=====The Seven Laws of Magic=====<br />
The Laws of Magic that the White Council enforces, for damned good reasons.<br />
# Thou Shalt not Kill (no murdering... with magic, anyway)<br />
# Thou Shalt not Transform Others (no human transmutation)<br />
# Thou Shalt not Invade the Mind of Another (no mind reading)<br />
# Thou Shalt not Enthrall Another (no mind control)<br />
# Thou Shalt not Reach Beyond the Borders of Life (no resurrecting the dead)<br />
# Thou Shalt not Swim Against the Currents of Time (no time travel)<br />
# Thou Shalt not Open the Outer Gates (no inviting Cthulhu and his buddies over for a beer)<br />
It's worth noting that the first five laws are as such because they involve the usage of Black Magic. Black Magic twists and corrupts the user, eroding their self control and making them more likely to use Black Magic in the future. The Sixth and Seventh Laws are there because violating them is a Bad Idea, as mucking with time or summoning outsiders tends to fuck reality to a larger or greater extent. It's theorized that messing with time or summoning the wrong outsider could destroy time and space, but considering that time and space still exist, many beings question this. The laws are also really, ''really'' nebulous sometimes. Does it break the first law to push a rock off a cliff if that rock crushes a person? Does it break the second law to repair a congenital deformity? Does it break the third law to help heal someone whose mind has been damaged? Does it break the fourth law to put someone to sleep to help them avoid being damaged by mental magic? Does it break the fifth law to resuscitate a patient whose heart has stopped? As for the sixth and seventh laws, it's worth pointing out that if you're moving (which literally everyone is '''all the time'''), you're technically altering your own flow of time (for some reason Merlin was capable of using relative positioning in time to create a five-dimensional prison, but somehow didn't write any relativity clauses for his Laws? Come on Merlin, this shit is important). If you slow down your own movement through time relative to Earth, you aren't "swimming against the currents of time," you're just grabbing a rock and holding on for a bit. As if that weren't enough, different places within the Nevernever have time that flows faster or slower than Earth time. If you step off into an area of the Nevernever whose time moves faster than Earth's, for the express purpose of giving yourself more time relative to Earth, does that break the sixth law? The seventh law is the only one that's pretty much black and white, and is also the most important by far. Laws 1-5 only apply when the victim is a human being, so you can do whatever you want to vampires, ghouls, demons, demon-possessed, faeries, etc.<br />
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====The Black Council?==== <br />
The Black Council is a rumoured collection of mysterious entities and individuals that may or may not be seeking to throw all of existence under their mighty thumb through use of Black Magic. There's a lot more to it, but we can't go into it without entering some '''major''' spoilers. According to the Merlin, and thusly most of the White council, they DO NOT EXIST, and to say otherwise is sedition. The Merlin is almost certainly smart enough to recognize their existence, but believes that even if they do exist, acknowledging them as a real and credible threat would do nothing but drive up their recruitment rates among the more ambitious or rebellious members of the White Council. <br />
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====The Fellowship of St. Giles==== <br />
Named after the patron saint of outcasts and lepers. These guys are composed mainly of half-vampires of the Red Court and hate full vampires, but they take all types of outcasts and they have support network of catholic monks in secluded Latin American monasteries. If you're a fugitive from the White Council who thinks they can still do some good, they'll take you. If you're a monster who hates your own kind, they'll take you. If you want to be a weird edgy guy and an underdog with a sense of justice, you're basically these guys. The catch is, a lot of the stuff they do in the name of fighting evil is pretty shady itself. They're not as powerful or well-entrenched as some other factions so they rely on the underworld (the criminal one) a lot more. As a result, the old adage about one man's freedom fighter being another man's terrorist holds pretty strongly to them. There is also evidence that they harbor Warlocks. They spend all of their time waging a guerrilla war against the Red Court; but as of Changes, they've effectively disbanded due to REASONS. (Spoiler reasons.) The half-vamps are able to maintain a semblance of self-control through magic tattoos that appear when their bloodlust reaches dangerous levels, warning both the half-vamp and his/her allies that he/she is about to lose it and make for the nearest available source of blood.<br />
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====Vampire Courts==== <br />
Largely unrelated supernatural predators that all feed off of humans parasitically. They are also called "Anthrophages", and are almost all World of Darkness style tortured edgelords on the surface and pathetic, delusional World of Darkness style jerkwads underneath.<br />
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=====The White Court of Vampires/ "Whampires"=====<br />
Psychic vampires that inspire a specific emotion in mortals which they use as a conduit to extract their life force. Those that feed off lust can make you debilitatingly aroused whether you like it or not, and if they actually feed on you the affect is addictive. Very pale and very beautiful on the outside, but their souls are bound to a hideous demon called the Hunger, which provides longevity and super strength in return for life energy. They reproduce by having children the old fashioned way. As a rule they don't tell their kids about their heritage until they grow up and lose their virginity. Upon having sex for the first time, the dormant Hunger awakens and completely devours their partner's life force, leaving the newly awakened vampire in bed with the corpse of their lover, traumatized, terrified, and confused. The vampire parent then swoops in and tells their child of its heritage and how normal this is and that it was okay to kill the human, after all, it was only food. It's also not entirely uncommon for the parent to rape the child as a way of displaying dominance and making their child subservient (see previous statement about addictive supernatural sex). Needless to say, they all have massive psychological baggage, creating a self sustaining cycle of trauma. The only way to escape this fate is to lose one's virginity to one who is in True Love with the young vampire, as White Court Vampires are harmed by True Love (which is actually pretty fucking hard to find, and is a rather nebulous concept in the first place), a dormant Hunger will be killed by the first exposure to True Love. It's implied that feeding off lust is the "natural" Feeding method of the white court, though some individuals/families/houses will feed of fear or despair, though the choice is implied to be more preference or tradition than anything else. <br />
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White court vampires mainly inhabit first world countries since they prefer refinement and sophistication, where they try to use their influence to create an atmosphere of zero inhibitions, zero limits, zero restraint, while paradoxically espousing self control and careful manipulation(despite claiming to be subtle and intelligent, most of them aren't particularly smart, having gotten by largely due to their innate ability to make people horny against their will) . They also have a really annoying habit of calling humans Kine, Bucks, and Does. As far as physical abilities go, White Court vampires are typically no stronger or faster than an especially healthy human in peak condition. They can, however, draw upon their Hunger to throw a canister of NoS in the system, temporarily ramping up their physical abilities to supersoldier levels and giving them improved healing, senses, and combat instincts. They won't be throwing around cars or anything, but they can go toe to toe with Black or Red Court vampires, if only for a short time. Doing this makes them really Hungry, and makes them much more vulnerable to Love. According to WoJ, the Hunger can be exorcised from an awoken Whampire by a being of sufficient power, but there wouldn't be much of the Whampire left over afterwards. Its implied that they White Court first arose in ancient Etruria, a precursor civilization to Rome. The Court is organized into a series of Houses, with the ruling body being a triumvirate composed of '''House Raith'''(Lust), '''House Malvora'''(Fear), and '''House Skavis'''(Despair) who ruthlessly jockey for power, Raith has been at the top for centuries, but as of the beginning of ''Blood Rites'' their power base has been eroding.<br />
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*'''The White King''': A rapist, murderer, billionaire, and owner of the vast majority of the american porn industry, the White King is the metaphorical(as opposed the the literal psychic manifestation) personification of squick, but wrapped up in a visually appealing package. He controls the pornography industry so he can manipulate popular conceptions of sexuality and beauty, making it easier for him and his kind to feed while making people shallow enough so that they have trouble finding True Love.<br />
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*'''Lara Raith''': the White King's eldest surviving child, she's smarter than her father, but since he regularly rapes her, completely subservient to him. In the presence of regular people, she's basically a goddess(once again, metaphorically as opposed to the literal); confident, smart, attractive, etc (but she's also kind of an evil bitch). In the presence of her father, she's cowed and submissive. You'd almost feel sorry for her if she wasn't power-hungry and dangerous.<br />
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*'''Thomas Raith''': the White King's only surviving son (he kills them when they get old enough to oppose him, since, while he's willing to rape his daughters into psychic submission, he's too picky an eater to do the same with his sons.) He's pretty bro-tier with Harry and unbeknownst to most they're secretly SPOILERS, but everyone thinks that they're just lovers (which, ironically, they aren't). He's managed to survive so far by projecting the image of an unambitious party boy (which he is to an extent because he enjoys the facade) and is quite savvy when it comes to politics. His Hunger is the second or third strongest in the White Court, meaning that he needs to feed a lot more but the power boost it provides is greater than the average whampire's.<br />
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*'''Justine''': Human thrall and the love of Thomas' life. At the beginning of the series appears to be a vapid bimbo who's just addicted to Thomas's dick (literally), she shows increasing intelligence, courage, and level-headedness as time goes on. Displays symptoms of bipolar disorder and histrionic personality disorder, but Thomas feeding on her keeps those symptoms in check. Their relationship somehow manages to be the most stable, genuine romantic pairing that hasn't progressed to marriage (purely for political reasons, Thomas can't let the rest of the Whampires know that Justine means something to him) in the entire series, despite Thomas having bang with other women to sate his Hunger, something Justine later actually participates in (the protection of True Love is removed by sex with someone you don't love, so after Justine bangs a girl, she and Thomas can have a three-way w/o her burning his flesh on contact).<br />
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*'''Madrigal Raith''': one of the White Court's many, many, many smug idiots who have fooled themselves into thinking that they're geniuses, despite the only reason for their success being their inhuman good looks. Nephew of the White King, he feeds on fear. He's incompetent, petty, and overly sure of himself.<br />
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*'''Madeline Raith''': Madrigal's sister(not that they actually care about each other) and a vacuous, short sighted, immature bitch who Lara would have offed long ago if it weren't for her inherited fortune, good looks, and political standing in the White Court.<br />
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*'''Lord Skavis''': ruler of House Skavis and known misogynist<br />
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*'''Lady Cesarina Malvora''': ruler of House Malvora<br />
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=====The Red Court of Vampires/"Rampires"=====<br />
Mesoamerican blood sucking vampires. They can create a beautiful disguise or "flesh mask" over a [[Furry|hideous bat-like body]] (without wings), but the flesh mask combusts in direct sunlight. They are physically stronger than humans and much faster. They also pacify their prey with hypnotic eyes and narcotic saliva. They reproduce by turning people into half-vampires. The half vampire then gains an insatiable thirst for blood and super strength, but retains their human appearance and mind (well, most of it). Upon killing a human by draining their blood, the transformation completes and their strength increases (no workarounds, they have to make the deliberate choice to kill somebody by taking their blood). When they turn, they become a deluded blood addict with an unjustified god complex. They're mainly concentrated around Central and South America, where they use their connections to the cartels to benefit from human trafficking. The source of their supernatural power is the blood they have consumed, which is stored in their distended stomachs. Cutting a rampire's stomach open causes them to lose their strength and power(they also start bleeding out, which is nice). The Court is organized around a combination of feudalism (an influence of the Spanish) and traditional Mayan and Aztec society. At the top is the '''Red King''', progenitor of their species. Below him are the '''Lords of Outer Night''', Rampires of direct Mayan descent who have been impersonating Mayan gods for millennia. Below them are the '''Dukes/Duchesses and Barons/Baronesses'''. Below them are standard initiated Rampires. Below them are half-vampire collaborators, who serve as "priests" to the upper echelons and general servants. At the bottom of the ladder are '''Los Esclavos de Sangre'''(the blood slaves), vampires who have given in completely to their blood addiction and have subsequently lost all higher mental functions and the ability to create a flesh mask, they are treated as expendable scum and vermin by the rest of the Court. Another caste that is somewhat outside the social structure is the '''Jaguar Warriors''', who are the personal soldiers and bodyguards of the Lords of Outer Night and can be both half and full Rampires. Social mobility is based on a variety of factors including control over bloodlust, age, and race(those of pure Mayan descent being favored over europeans and mestizos). Its heavily implied that the vampire Lords of Outer Night took the place of the '''actual''', divine Mayan gods, and are secretly afraid that their predecessors will return to exact divine judgement on their blasphemous asses.<br />
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*'''The Red King/Kukulkan''': Progenitor of the Red Court and maniacal despot, the Red King has been around at since the time of the Classical Maya, possibly even before. He's masqueraded as a god throughout central american history, reaping the benefits of centuries of blood sacrifice. Evil, arrogant, and (sometimes) insane. <br />
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*'''Duchess Arianna Ortega''': The Red King's daughter (unconfirmed if that's in a biological or purely vampire sense). Sadistic, scheming, vengeful, and has a literal love-hate relationship with her husband. <br />
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*'''Duke Paolo Ortega''': Arianna's pussywhipped husband, a former Spanish conquistador and the Red Court's main wetworks operator, Arianna married him specifically for the purpose of making him suffer for his role in toppling the Aztec Empire (which she and her kind exploited). <br />
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*'''Bianca St.Claire''': Red Court Vampire in charge of prostitution in Chicago. Surprisingly civil for a vampire, though still willing to murder the fuck out of someone if she needs to. Is implied to have a fair bit of self hatred, being very concerned about her image and wanting to be beautiful. Still a scheming, dangerous, hateful bitch though.<br />
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*'''Esmeralda and Esteban Batiste''': The "Eebs" are a married couple of Red Court vampires and assassins. While "married" pairs of assassins are common in the Red Court, it's only because married couples attract less attention when traveling. The Eebs however are genuine lovers, on account of having complimentary insanities. They also happen to be swingers, which unnerves most of their targets when they flirt with them. They're also really short.<br />
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=====The Black Court of Vampires/"Blampires"=====<br />
Classic "Bram Stoker's Dracula" vampires. They have all the folklore weaknesses, garlic, crosses, running water, etc. In appearance, they resemble rotting or mummified corpses so they can't pass for human without using magic to create illusions or make people ignore them. They compensate by hitting like fucking trucks, being nigh un-killable by conventional means, and being able to create more vampires extremely quickly (no half or dormant stage). The more powerful ones can walk around in sunlight freely, like Dracula did originally. In fact, the novel "Dracula" was written as a secret guide to killing them (commissioned and financed by the White Court), as a result they are almost extinct, with the survivors being extremely good at being hard to kill (which means not popping up and making more vampires whenever they want). Most of them are hiding all over the world. The Court no longer has any formal structure and is instead divided into solitary survivors and independent cells called '''Scourges''' each headed by a Master Vampire who maintains significant mental influence over the Scourge's lesser vampires (whose level intelligence can range from normal human to mindless avatar of the Master Vampire's will), Renfields, and regular thralls. Killing the Master Vampire does not cure the vampires or the Renfields, but the regular thralls might recover with time, and the lesser vampires will be left without leadership. Blampires need to feed less often than Rampires, but their feedings tend to be more fatal and can potentially create new Blampires out of their victims' corpses, meaning that any new Scourge needs to be put down fast before it gets out of hand. WoJ is that being converted into a Blampire essentially rips out the victim's soul and replaces it with a mass of pure evil and Black Magic that merely happens to be shaped like a soul. So in a sense, once turned, a Blampire isn't really the human it was before, it may have all the memories of the person, but its really just a sentient undead construct driven by dark power.<br />
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*'''Vlad Tepes/Dracula/The Black King''': Yeah, really. Dracula. He may or may not have been the progenitor of the Black Court(WoJ is that he was the first Black Court vampire and that he created the court out of a desire to impress his dad, '''Drakul''', a being on par with Mab) it isn't really clear. It's implied that his father was a demon lord. Or possibly a dragon. Look, so far he's only gotten a couple of throwaway lines in two of the books.<br />
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*'''Mavra''': An ancient master vampire wizard and walking corpse who seems determined to have beef with Harry.<br />
**'''"No Ear"''': Mavra's field lieutenant<br />
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*'''Renfields''': The Black Court's thralls and dumb muscle, humans who have been brainwashed into mindless killing machines. The name is taken from the character in Bram Stoker's Dracula. The process of being turned into a Renfield (being mentally tortured, mostly) is irreversible and the Renfields end up killing themselves, whigging out and going berzerk, or otherwise self destructing after a varying length of time.<br />
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=====The Jade Court of Vampires/"Jampires(?)"=====<br />
Mentioned only once, in ''Death Masks''. WoJ is that the Jade Court is extremely secretive, but well entrenched in the Yangtze River basin in China. The leadership is even more conservative than that of the Council, being composed of Qin dynasty era isolationists who are still suspicious of the whole notion of modern China(presumably they're waiting to see if the relatively young People's Republic of China implodes like the majority of China's past governments). Fan consensus is that they're Chinese Jiangshi who feed off of their victim's ''qi''.<br />
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====Fae Courts====<br />
Beings from the part of the spirit world (the Nevernever) closest to the real world, a region called The Land of Faerie or just Faerie. They are extremely diverse in mentality and appearance, but all share two similarities; they cannot tell an outright lie (but can still deceive people with precise wording) and iron burns them to the touch. They also have an obsession with the number three. They can't really be fairly called good or evil, as they tend to work with different codes of morality and conduct than humans. The Faeries are ruled by the Queens of the Fae and Sidhe nobles, inhumanly graceful, beautiful, ageless beings with cat eyes and varying degrees of insanity and obsession with bargains. Faeries tend to seem deceptive if not outright insane to humans, though this is just as often the result of misunderstanding by one or both parties as it is the result of malice (though it's often both). A good example of this is Harry's relationship with his godmother, the Leanansidhe. To Harry she seems like a malicious, scheming, dangerous faery bitch who keeps trying to entrap him, manipulate him, or turn him into a dog. To Lea, her godson seems like a misguided, arrogant, lost young man who doesn't appreciate her gifts; after all, you need trial and adversity to grow strong, and if he wanted out, he could always just join her hounds and live happily by her side. Neither are really evil, per se, they just have drastically different outlooks on life, so it takes them years to understand each other's perspective. Even later on when they get something almost resembling a working relationship, their respective actions often seem incomprehensible, if somewhat predictable. This relationship is somewhat indicative of all interactions between the fae and mortals. Whether their actions fuck you over or help you out, their motivations may or may not seem entirely antithetical to their goal by human reasoning, so miscommunication and misunderstanding by both parties is often a factor. If you '''must''' interact with one of the fae, a general rule of thumb is to be polite, be specific, take no idea or sentiment for granted, and carry some iron. If you manage to piss them off, get ready for a lifetime of paranoia, because the Fae NEVER forget a grudge, and, being functionally immortal, they have all the time in the world to plot their revenge. And don't call the Sidhe faeries, they don't like that. All faeries harbor a fascination with mortals often mixed with disdain, WoJ is that all fae have a tiny piece of mortal within them(not necessarily that they're all former Changelings, but that they straddle the line between the material and spirit worlds).<br />
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=====The Queens=====<br />
Each Court has three Queens, '''The Queen Who Was'''(The Mother), '''The Queen Who Is'''(The Queen), and '''The Queen Who Is To Be'''(The Lady)<br />
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It's worthy of note that each Queen has different duties to her court and to creation as a whole, and the Knights have different duties to each queen. Just what those duties are is rather unclear, although it's becoming somewhat less so as the series goes on, though they can't be mentioned without '''EXTREME SPOILERS'''. But in terms of power, the Ladies (Maeve and Aurora) are implied to being somewhere on par with a member of the Senior Council. The Queens are an order of magnitude above them, being far above any one mortal practitioner, with a sheer magical muscle that's speculated to rival Lesser Angels and Demon Lords. The Mothers are an order of magnitude above THEM, having a sort of limited omniscience, and being so powerful as to be more or less untouchable to anything short of a god, though the Mothers overtly use their power the least. As for the knights, it's implied that at least within winter, the Knight is a champion to the Queen, a consort to the Lady, and... Possibly a student to the mother? A punching bag? Lunch? We don't really know yet. The same may or may not be true of Summer. They're regularly equated with other "triple goddesses" such as the Greek Fates, the Scandinavian Norns, and Hecate. <br />
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The Lady and The Queen keep their vassal fae in line, set policy for the Court, and look out for the interests of the Court as a whole, running the day to day operations of the Court, with The Lady being more involved in smaller affairs and The Queen handling the bigger picture. The Mothers seem to act as the spiritual matriarchs of their respective courts, not being involved in day to day affairs, but commanding immense respect throughout the entirety of the Land of Faerie, they've essentially retired from politics and instead oversee the whole of Nature itself.<br />
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The Queens are forbidden to kill any human not directly involved with the fae courts, but that doesn't mean that they can't turn you into a living stone statue, enchant you into a magic slumber, turn you into a prey animal to eventually be devoured by predators, or simply beat you to within an inch of death, crippling you for life. Also, "directly involved" means anyone currently in a bargain with or in debt to winter or summer fae.<br />
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=====The Sidhe=====<br />
The Sidhe (pronounced shee) are the ruling nobility of the Summer and Winter Courts. The vast majority behave and look like a disturbing combination of Tolkein's elves and WH40K Eldar; otherworldly and beautiful, but also having questionable intentions and sanity. For the most part, they have white hair, cat eyes, and almost perfect physical beauty, but when they're particularly weakened, they become gaunt and alien in appearance. They have an innate ability to use magic. However, Sidhe can diverge greatly from this description, as any sufficiently powerful faerie in the Summer or Winter Court can be elevated to the position of Sidhe and become one of the nobility. For example, if a troll somehow manages to gain enough magic power, it might be welcomed into the ranks of the gentry, it might even decide to shape-shift into the basic quasi-elf form of the regular Sidhe. Alternatively, a Changeling could have one of the Sidhe as his or her inhuman parent, and upon Choosing might be automatically elevated to noble status. The Queens all technically belong to this subgroup of Fae. For the Sidhe, magic is as easy as breathing, its an intrinsic part of their being, although they interpret it differently from wizards and thus their magic has its own strengths and weaknesses.<br />
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*A Note on Glamour: Glamour is the legendary power of illusion that all Fae can utilize to some extent. Using Glamour, a faerie can create the appearance of something and simulate the emotional and sensory stimulations of that appearance. For example, if a Fae were to use Glamour to create the illusion of a sword, anyone hit with the sword would "feel" and "see" the sword biting into their flesh, even though there would be no actual physical effect. Or a powerful Fae could create Glamoured "walls" around his/her home that look and feel like actual walls, trying to climb them will result in either injury or unnecessary hard work depending on how much effort was put into the illusion's effect on others. One cannot directly kill with Glamour, but the the pain induced by it can potentially lead to shock if the Glamour is powerful enough (keep in mind that this level of skill with Glamour is '''not''' the norm in Faerie). Glamour is part of reason why its a really bad idea for to accept food or drink from the Fae; it could'' look'' like a five course meal, but it could really be day old goat's intestines for all you know, or worse, you could be eating nothing real at all and slowly waste away without noticing it over time. Fortunately, Glamoured food tends to be ... over the top, there's usually something ''off'' about the way it looks or smells that sets it apart from real food. Surprisingly, the Fae actually prefer to eat mortal food due to their obsession with mortals, Glamoured food is usually used to tempt mortals into a debt or spice up bland meals. One can see through Glamour using True-Seeing ointment, even if the Glamour is purely auditory or olfactory(the ointment is just a topically absorbed potion applied to the eyelids). Sometimes, a strong enough mind will enable one to see through Glamours.<br />
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=====The Unseelie Court/The Winter Court=====<br />
The wicked court embodying the season of winter, cold logic, ruthlessness, and predatory instincts(but also self-sacrifice and learning through experience). Not necessarily "evil" but almost universally predatory and dangerous. Even if you're "allied" with winter, they're just as likely to "help you" by throwing obstacles in your path to help you grow and learn (or die horribly) as they are to directly aid you. They're still good for their word, just make sure that their word is EXACTLY what you want it to be. Winter Itself is also a force/element/mantle/power ''thing'' that the Queens and Knight seem to be able to tap into that takes different forms depending on its user, but generally manifests as an almost limitless supply of cold, ice, and blackness. The capital of Winter is Arctis Tor, a massive fortress made of ice and the bones of Mab's enemies situated at the top of a mountain in the Land of Faerie. <br />
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[[Image:QueenMab.jpg|thumb|right|Queen Mab]]<br />
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[[Image:LloydSlate.jpg|thumb|right|The fate of someone who pisses off Queen Mab]]<br />
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*'''Queen Mab''': Mab, ''Queen of Air and Darkness'', is the leader of the Winter Court and a ruthless, hyperlogical ice queen. Her likes include machiavellian schemes, amassing power for her court, torture, and metaphorically emasculating Harry Dresden. Do not piss her off, EVER, she'll either destroy everything you hold dear or torture you to the point of insanity, and if she really (dis)likes you, she might just heal you so she can start all over again. Not necessarily evil, but cold, businesslike, and utterly without pity or mercy. When she's in the mood, her voice will give you involuntary wood, when she's angry, her voice causes those who hear it intense physical pain.<br />
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*'''Lady Maeve''': Mab's sadistic, irresponsible, nympho-maniacal bitch of daughter. Crazy beautiful, crazy dangerous, and crazy insane. Can't have sex due to to her status as a Lady while being horny as fuck 24/7 - the other name for the Lady is "The Maiden" (Maiden, Mother, Crone) and anything that would threaten her "maidenhood" drives her crazy(er) and makes her attempt to murder everyone in sight if she tries, which she already does for shits and giggles. Think Dark Eldar jailbait and you get the right idea. Since she regularly shirks her duties, she's partly responsible for Winter's reputation of senseless cruelty. Don't get me wrong, winterfae are naturally ultraviolent and predatory, but under Queen Mab those traits are controlled and channeled towards productive and ultimately positive endeavors, under Maeve, the winterfae just run wild and skullfuck people. WoJ is that she was the product of a union between Mab and an unnamed Austrian composer who died young.<br />
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*'''Mother Winter''': Possibly the scariest character in the Dresden Files, and one '''heavily''' implied to literally be Death, which means Mother Summer is Taxes. Imagine every wicked witch story ever, distilled into a being of godlike power with the disposition of of a cranky grandmother from the old country. She's almost evil to cartoon-villain levels, to the point where she thinks the apocalypse would be a great time, and the mass murder of infants just means its lunch time. She manages to avoid being truly ridiculous by being... I think ''pure'' would be the best way to put it; she's got that cynical, jaded point of view that old people sometimes get as a result of living too long or seeing too much. She's every wicked, sadistic, cruel impulse you've ever had, but with none of the passion or drive that gave you that, all wrapped up with a delightfully blunt apathy. She's a mean old iron toothed she-bear who would rip you the fuck up if she ever cared enough to leave her cave. She's terrifying, but you also feel sorry for her because she spends almost all her time wallowing in misery, even though you know that her idea of fun usually involves genocide. She doesn't leave her cottage often on account of losing her walking stick, and here "walking stick" means artifact of immense power that mortal minds interpret as a walking stick. The good news is that she's sort of helpful in a survival of the fittest kind of way. Kind of. Also worthy of note is that she's the only fae who can touch iron, having iron cutting utensils and iron ''teeth'', something that Harry has zero explanation for. She lives in a small cottage with Mother Summer, with whom she gets along with surprisingly well. WoJ is that she's also Baba Yaga, and presumably every other old witch throughout legend. She is also the biological mother of Mab and Titania.<br />
*'''The Winter Knight''': the faerie queens cannot kill any mortal not directly linked to the fae courts, so the Winter Knight was developed as a workaround, essentially being the Queens' mortal champion. The mantle can heal great injuries, enhance your strength and speed to olympic+ levels, and grants even non-wizard knights a degree of control over ice and snow. Such power is not without it's downsides though. Winter Knights become increasingly territorial and violent over time, often becoming prone to violence, addiction, and rape. So Winter Knights can start out all normal (though your average candidate is chosen by the queens for being a badass and/or a stone cold killer), but they eventually turn into disturbed Vaas Montenegro motherfuckers. When they are killed or eventually burn out, the queen removes the Mantle of the Winter Knight from the corpse and holds it until a suitable replacement is found. While in theory the mantle is some kind of supernatural steroid given to you by the queens, it's theorized by some characters as the series goes on that what it actually does is increase testosterone and adrenaline production, disable the body's inhibitors, and create a conduit to Winter within the Knight. This is supported by the fact that the Knights only rarely demonstrate physical power beyond that which is possible by people in absolute peak condition, and the increase in testosterone would explain their increasingly dickish attitudes(although there is evidence that it does actually increase strength in addition to the removing inhibitors) . As of the book ''Summer Knight'', the Winter Knight is '''Lloyd Slate''', a heroin addict, rapist, and murderer.<br />
**'''(In)Famous Winter Knights''': Gilles de Rais, Fritz Haarman, John Haigh, and Andrei Chikatilo, all of whom were serial killers and rapists. The '''only''' past Winter Knight we hear about who wasn't an absolute scumbag was Tam Lin, a character in Scottish mythology.<br />
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*'''The Leanansidhe / Lea''': Mab's handmaiden/henchmaiden, and implied to be the third most powerful creature in the Unseelie Court after only Mab and Mother Winter. Also Harry's godmother. Comes from Celtic mythology where the Leanan Sidhe was a beautiful muse who would offer inspiration at the cost of driving the artist insane and putting them in a premature grave. She commands a pack of hunting hounds which may be '''Cu-Sith''', or Black Hounds. Genuinely loves her godson, but because she's winterfae, that love takes odd forms, such as trying to turn him into a hunting hound (believing he'd be happier and safer that way, she might have a point), and torturing him (believing strength comes from pain). Contrary to what you might expect, she's actually quite civil and pleasant on the rare occasion she gets the chance to have a peaceful chat with her Godson. <br />
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*'''The Redcap''': A truly sadistic fuckwad who pretends to helps travelers on the road before killing them while they are asleep and using their fresh blood to dye his hat. Has a serious hate-boner for Harry. Insists on being called '''THE''' Redcap, so there may be more of him, just lesser.<br />
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*'''Jenny Greenteeth''': Matriarch of the swamp hags and shellycobbs, she looks like an attractive twenty something (she's much older) but with green teeth, and gets wet at the thought of drowning somebody, even in something as shallow as a bowl of punch, which is coincidentally about as deep as her aspirations in life. Maeve's henchwoman.<br />
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*'''Malks''': Psychotic cheshire cats that travel in packs, known to have weird voices. They have a vicious but cowardly mentality, a single one might attack you, but only if your back is turned or its superiors gave it a direct order to. They'll only willingly engage in head on assaults if they're accompanied by other Malks<br />
** '''Cat Sidhe/Cat Sith/Eldest Malk''': Is said to be the progenitor of all Malks. Thus being the boss, he's slightly bigger than other malks and considerably more dangerous. Unlike the rest of his kind, he is more than willing to face his prey head on and is notably defiant where a regular Malk would be cowed. He serves as Mab's henchman, and can serve as a snarky, passive agressive butler in a pinch. Known to be a cold motherfucker, but also gives good advice. Seriously badass; he's quiet and deadly enough that he can pull a supernaturally fast sidhe out of a group of equally fast sidhe who don't notice that anything happened until he ''tears out the sidhe's spinal column and throws it at them''. Seriously, the rest of Winter is terrified of him.<br />
**'''Grimalkin''': A larger than average malk who seems to be a personal aide and pet to the Queens. Could also be spelled as Greymalkin as his name comes from an archaic term for a cat or a spiteful old woman. <br />
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*'''Fetches''': Shapeshifters who feed on fear, they serve as Mab's elite spies and assassins. Notable for making a White Court Vampire who literally ate fear nearly shit himself in terror. In an ironic turn that particular vamp was a total pussy.<br />
** '''Eldest Fetch''': The biggest and scariest Fetch. Masqueraded as a movie monster called "Scarecrow", which was essentially the Great Pumpkin on crack, and probably the lawyer friendly version of the monster from the Pumpkinhead movies. VERY magic resistant and strong. <br />
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*'''Trolls''': green haired, man-eating brutes who are afraid of sunlight, serve the Queen as bodyguards and blacksmiths. (In)Famous for making Thorn Manacles which make it almost completely impossible for any mortal practitioner to cast magic while wearing them (You just need a very, very, very high pain threshold, and a shit-tonne of power).<br />
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*'''Hobs''': Hairless, eyeless, baboon-like monsters who resemble nightmarish hybrids between apes and dogs, also afraid of sunlight. They compensate by conjuring supernatural mist called "myrk" that covers their surroundings in darkness and extinguishes all light sources. Known to wield crude stone and bronze weapons. They have a reputation for dragging their prey with them to Faerie, screaming and alive into lightless burrows.<br />
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*'''Shellycobbs''': Giant crustaceans who like to drown people.<br />
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*'''Rawheads''': ("Rawhead and Bloody Bones" in full) Monsters made out of the meat and bones from corpses that they've eaten, starting out small they are usually born from piles of discarded waste at slaughterhouses or abattoirs, feasting on rats and other small creatures, before they work their way up the food-chain. They look like skinless flesh golems cobbled together from a butcher shop's dumpster with Minotaur horns. Have a neverending supply of blood to creepily drip down their body. Somehow. The threat these things pose is seemingly inconsistent as Harry is able to take one out in "Welcome to the Jungle" (where it was also walking on train tracks which are iron WTH?), but one in Cold Days remains a perpetual menace from beginning to end.<br />
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*'''Snow/Winter Ogre''': presumably what happens when an ogre permanently swears allegiance to Winter. Eight foot tall brutes covered in yellow-white fur<br />
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*'''Giant bats''': Bats that are giant. Apparently intelligent enough to speak, as they can sing "Happy Birthday" somewhat intelligibly. Serve as a sort of airforce for winter.<br />
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*'''Giant Spiders''': gigantic orb weaver spiders who are known to haunt the paths through Winter's territory. They're known to appear in cooperative groups but they'll feed on one of their own fallen without remorse.<br />
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*'''Manticores''': one appeared at Arctis Tor in ''Cold Days''<br />
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*'''Swamp Hags''': one appeared at Arctis Tor in ''Cold Days''<br />
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*'''Miksani''': fae who live in the Aleutian isles, a simple, dignified folk, can change between human and cormorant forms<br />
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=====The Seelie Court/The Summer Court=====<br />
Embodying the season of summer, passion, empathy, understanding, and growth. They're the more Disney of the faerie courts, in that they seem "good", but they're also largely paranoid, lawful stupid, and distrustful of anyone who doesn't conform to their own standards of virtue. Prone to favoring art and superficial "goodness" over practicality and inner fortitude. Generally good neighbors as Harry puts it, but still subject to the same misunderstandings and dangerous bargains as the Winter Court, the distinction being that while a Winter Fae might drag you into the water so they can fuck you while you drown, a Summer Fae might invite you to join them for a quick party (that happens to last 100 years, and they'll be deeply, murderously offended if you leave early) or they might bring you along into the Land of Faerie to play and dance with them, forever and ever and ever. Somewhat less likely to murderfuck you than winter, but by no means safe. If Winter is a pack of wolves, Summer is herd of bison, usually docile but extremely dangerous if provoked.<br />
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*'''Queen Titania''': Titania, ''Queen of Life and Light'', is Mab's sister and leader of the Summer Court. She believes in "the wisdom of the heart", which includes being more ruled by her emotions in contrast to Mab's coldly logical disposition; she follows her heart even if it tells her to kill someone who she doesn't like despite the consequences (although she can sometimes control herself). Is currently estranged from Mab, having not spoken for the next best thing to a millennium. Once threatened to feed someone who offended her to her garden ''alive'', keeping them conscious and in constant pain for virtually an eternity, so as you can see, passion and emotion are hardly always nice.<br />
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*'''Lady Aurora''': Titania's daughter, a compassionate and wise character.<br />
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*'''Mother Summer''': Possibly the most level headed character in the Dresden Files. Imagine everything compassionate and understanding distilled into a being of godlike power with the disposition of everyone's favorite grandmother, though she usually speaks in metaphorical or obfuscated manners. She lives with Mother Winter in a small cottage, and they get along surprisingly well, despite being polar and literal opposites. While Mother Winter has only been shown to display bitterness towards those who meet her, a result of her endless disappointment with all beings lesser than her(a category that extends to the majority of humans and fae), Mother Summer has shown nothing but kindness to her visitors. The two have been known to bicker over each other's treatment of their guests, Mother Summer claiming that Mother Winter is being rude and cruel, while Mother Winter claiming that Mother Summer coddles them too much for them to really become strong.<br />
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*'''The Summer Knight''': The faerie courts are locked in a constant struggle, so anything Winter does, Summer will likely try to counteract it. The Summer Knight was created as a way to oppose the Winter Knight, essentially being Titania's mortal champion. Theoretically, whoever holds the position is to defend those mortals that winter seeks to kill, and is instilled with magical power and enhanced strength. Like the winter knight, he must pay for this power. His identity will slowly erode under the strain of compulsive blind loyalty to Titania and a hardwired predisposition towards Lawful Stupid. So Summer Knights can start out normal, but they eventually turn into ineffectual paladin-types who abide by a code of "morality and honor" that is both obsolete and impractical. When they are killed or eventually burn out, the queen removes the Mantle of the Summer Knight from the corpse and holds it until a suitable replacement is found. As of the book ''Summer Knight'', the title is held by '''Ronald Reuel''', an old man and an artist. <br />
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*'''Gruffs''': Goat headed satyrs who are really good at killing trolls. Serve Titania as supernatural wetworkers and enforcers.<br />
**'''Eldest Gruff''' The eldest Gruff, and a serious badass. He's also pretty bro-tier. Unlike his younger brothers, who are progressively bigger and better armed, he's a tiny guy who looks like an old goat-headed man who needs his walking stick, but he's an enormously powerful spell-caster, having defeated at least three Senior Council members in Wizard's duels, and casually blasting away a being that Harry's magic could barely scratch.<br />
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*'''Centaurs''': You know what a centaur is. They serve Summer in the Dresdenverse, fighting as cavalry when called to war.<br />
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*'''Giant bees/wasps''': Bees that are giant. Duh. Serve as Summer's airforce.<br />
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*'''Elfs(Elves?)''': Think more Santa's workshop/germanic myth, and less Tolkien. Short, good with bows, agile.<br />
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*'''Unicorns''': A "unicorn" is a horsey with a single horn on its head, but you knew that already. In the Dresdenverse, they're empaths who are attracted to purity. Unicorn hair has extreme tensile strength relative to its thickness and can be used to make ultra-strong, ultra-thin rope<br />
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=====Wyldfae=====<br />
All the faeries who aren't part of Summer or Winter. More populous than both courts but more fragmented. It Winter and Summer are Cold War Warsaw Pact and NATO, the Wyldfae are everyone else.<br />
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*'''The Little Folk''': the stereotypical modern view of "fairies". Tiny people with insect wings. Most of therm have extremely short attention spans and the outlook of particularly hyperactive children, causing most people to dismiss them as stooges (and for the most part, they're not wrong in this assumption). However, despite(or rather because) of their insignificance, people tend not to notice them, meaning that they make good spies. Many of them have an addiction to mortal food, particularly pizza, making them easy to bribe. They all have a fear of cats, felines being their natural predator. Note that they are nominally wyldfae but they can be individually aligned with either Winter or Summer as a result of various circumstances.<br />
**'''Toot Toot''': Harry's primary "henchman", he leads a cohort of lesser faeries he calls "The Za-Lord's Guard", on account of Harry paying them in pizza. He's kind of oblivious and not especially intelligent, but makes up for it with cunning and genuine bravery, being willing to fight just about anything on Harry's behalf. Interestingly, he's been growing throught the books, being no larger than any other of his kind in Storm Front, but as of Cold Days he's more than a foot and a half tall. This is most likely connected to his continued service to Harry, and his role as general of the Za-Lord's guard. After all, if belief and emotion is just as real to beings of the faery as physical items, the continued trust of a wizard and the respect of dozens of your peers has to be worth something. <br />
**'''Lacuna''': A psychotic faerie who wears actual armor studded with hooks. Toot Toot has a crush on her that she does not reciprocate. Oddly inclined to violence, and seems to believe the Little Folk who serve Harry are hurting themselves by eating pizza, which leads many fans to speculate that she might be a tooth faery(semi confirmed by WoJ).<br />
*'''Brownies''': diminutive fae who clean the homes of those who earn their respect, they go away if you tell others that they clean your house<br />
*'''Cobbs''': diminutive fae who repair objects, mostly shoes, they cannot repai any shoe that is thrown away as trash, and doing so when they can see you has you marked for death. We're not joking about that. They will gank you.<br />
*'''Ogres''': Huge thugs who hire themselves as muscle to summer or winter, basically less hairy, more humanoid trolls who moonlight as mercenaries<br />
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*'''Goblins''': Killers obsessed with the concept of hunting (doesn't matter what, so long as its entertaining), ruled by the Erlking/Herne the Hunter, no two Goblins have the same physical appearance, they can vary widely but they all have red eyes, they have been compared to ninja terminators, and a small skirmishing group of them is enough to hold in an army of Outsiders (they had help, but that still mean's they're badass). <br />
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*'''Tylwyth Teg''': Benign shapeshifters, their king, Gwyn ap Nudd, is the reason why the Cubs lose so much, he's behind the Billy Goat Curse (but he's gotten over the insult that started the curse in the first place, he just keeps it going out of a sense of tradition, he's actually a huge baseball fan)<br />
*'''Sylphs''': pretty young women with razor sharp dragonfly wings, they have a degree of weather control and some are associated with storms and tornadoes. Known to eat corpses like vultures. Have been associated with both Summer and Winter so they might not be true Wyldfae but a fae species present in both Courts like the Sidhe<br />
*'''Puck''': An insanely powerful wyldfae lord who's ancient even among the fae. He's gone a bit crazy from both old age and boredom. He like to cause chaos among mortals for entertainment and delights in surprises and uncertainty.<br />
[[Image:Kringle.jpg|thumb|right|Ho. Ho. Ho.<br />
(Not actually Kringle specifically, but the likeness is uncanny, right down to the huge-ass broadsword)]]<br />
*'''The Seelie/Unseelie Kings''': The positions of Faery Kings are taken by powerful Wyldfae who represent the opposite "morality" of their court, but have a similar theme. The current Summer King is '''The Erlking''' who represents the passion of the hunt, nature red in tooth and claw, and the primal empathy between hunter and hunted, while the current Winter King is '''Kringle''' who represent togetherness and giving during bleak times, a moment of kindness in coldest Winter. This is just a political affiliation; as far as we know the title of King is just symbolic, they don't rule with or act as consorts to their respective Queens, but the Queens may still call on them with good reason..<br />
**'''Kringle''': Yes, ''that'' Kringle. Santa Claus is a Fae, or at least affiliated with the Fae courts. Kringle is basically the legend version of Santa where he's a jolly gift-giving warrior, minus the parts where he's weird and syphilitic. Also parts in the books casts uncertainty on if he's a fae or possibly something else from the Nevernever.<br />
**'''Erlking/Herne the Hunter''': The Goblin King and Lord of the Wild Hunt, the Erlking is equal to the Queens of Summer and Winter in power. He generally appears on Earth during Halloween, when he leads the Wild Hunt in search of prey to chase and kill. He has features that are asymmetrical and mismatched, like many goblins, yet he looks roguish and handsome, with features "carved by a master, but from a piece of twisted driftwood." May or may not look like 1980's David Bowie.<br />
**'''Oberon''': A figure from the past. We know next to nothing about him other than at one point he was caught up in a love triangle with Titania and Mab, and didn't make it. That's literally it. We don't even know if he was mortal, fae, god, or what. Could potentially be the reason Mab and Titania stopped talking to each other at Hastings (1066).<br />
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====The Fomor==== <br />
Millennia ago, when the Sidhe were a nobody faction of proto-elves hanging out in Ireland, they fought and defeated a race of weird-ass guys called the Fomor and drove them into the sea. As it turns out, driving one's enemies into the sea was really popular thousands of years ago and the Fomor met and subjugated a whole bunch of outcasts from all over the world, eventually turning into weird frog-men united by a burning hatred for the surface world. They like to abduct humans and animals, mutate them with magic, and sell them as living weapons to the highest bidder. A weakness they share with the Fae is being burned by iron, since they used to interbreed pretty heavily back when the average Fomor didn't look like Kermit the Frog. They give off anti-technology fields even stronger than the ones wizards make, a side effect of their heavy use of entropy magic.<br />
*'''The Empress''': mentioned in the short story ''Bombshells'', presumably the ruler of the Fomor's multiethnic undersea empire<br />
*'''King Corb''': ruler of the Fomor holdings in Lake Michigan, was thought to be the ruler of all the Fomor prior to the mention of the Empress in ''Bombshells''; is likely just a vassal or client king in the empire.<br />
*'''Mag''': Fomor sorceror<br />
*'''"Froggy"''': nickname given to Fomor sorceror and brother of Mag. Attempted to bomb Svartalf holdings. Rapist.<br />
*'''"Frogface"''': nickname given to Fomor sorceror in charge of acquiring human test subjects for the empire in Chicago. Implied rapist.<br />
*'''Lord Omogh''': Fomor noble and collaborator with Corpsetaker.<br />
*'''Turtlenecks''': the Fomor's preferred mooks, they're humans (usually people no none will miss), who were abducted and subjected to mutation,invasive surgery, and brainwashing by Fomor mages. They have grafted organs that are composed of ectoplasm (spirt world matter that can take the appearance of basically anything, which dissolves into goop and evaporates when there's no magic running through it), so when they die, they revert back to sliced up humans. The name is a result of them almost always wearing turtlenecks to hide their grafted on gills.<br />
*'''Octokongs''': exactly what it says on the tin, unholy fusions of gorillas and octopi<br />
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==== Svartalves ====<br />
The setting's version of dwarves. Surprisingly, they're not alcoholic berserkers with scottish accents, but xenophobic grey-aliens with goatees. They're still extremely greedy and vengeful, not to mention bloodthirsty warriors, though they are famously good for their word. They have a reputation for being THE neutral faction, their schtick is basically "you don't mess with us, we don't mess with you," and they're deeply reactionary; no service will go unpaid and no slight unanswered. Tend to sell their services as skilled craftsmen and artisans. They're known for making their own version of Thorn Manacle, except theirs are iron while the ones made by trolls are made of faerie metal(which has essentially all the properties of steel but crumples like aluminum when hit with iron). They consider any attacks (intentional or otherwise) on their people and scions acts of war against Svartalfheim, and will respond with violence to a degree considered excessive even by the rest of the supernatural world. This terrifying image is somewhat offset by the fact that every Svartalf of either gender is a massive (but in most cases chivalrous) pervert with a fetish for non-svartalves, until you see them in combat that is, when you go right back to being terrified of them. They have been known to accept sex as payment instead of money.<br />
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====Regular humans/ Vanilla Mortals====<br />
Mocked and derided as prey and cattle, but most predators appreciate how dangerous an angry mob of confused and scared humans can be, to some extent or another. Most supernatural beings just operate under the idea that not pissing off all the mortals might lead to an easier life, assuming they haven't noticed that the potential mobs are much bigger than the ones in the sixteenth century, and that the torches and pitchforks have been replaced with assault rifles and attack helicopters. As such there are plenty of mortals, both groups and individuals, regularly take on the supernatural and kick ass, such as paramilitary strike teams, monster hunters, and even a giant fraternity of librarians a la Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In the supernatural community, involving human law enforcement in a supernatural dispute is the equivalent of waving around a nuclear warhead. (Un)Fortunately, most humans will try to rationalize and forget most encounters with the supernatural so they can get back to their safe, normal, mundane, lives. So the Masquerade in the Dresden Files isn't a massive conspiracy of epic proportions, its more of a series of low to medium level bribes and coverups.<br />
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*'''Susan Rodriguez''': Reporter and Harry's sometime lover. They met when Susan kept trying to use Harry to write an article about the supernatural, which would have made no difference to the world at large because she works for a tabloid. Other than that, she's pretty smart (but lacking in foresight at times, leading to several spoilery plot points).<br />
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*'''Waldo Butters''': Coroner and Harry's go to forensics guy and sometime "guy who takes care of my bullet/sword/claw/fang wounds". A literal genius and polka aficionado cursed with an unfortunate name<br />
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*'''Malcolm Dresden''': Harry's father, and "a Good man". Malcolm Dresden was a stage magician in the age when television and technology was making more magic than magic could. He raised Harry as well as he could while they lived on the road. Died of a brain aneurysm in his sleep when Harry was 6. His ghost, or memory, or potentially his soul came back twice during the events of Dead Beat to give Harry life advice, because the other side had "cheated" whatever that means.<br />
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*'''Mac''': The owner of McAnally's, Harry's preferred pub and the brewer of the greatest beer in the Great Lakes area (according to Harry), Mac is a tall, gangly, bald, 30-50 year old white male so surrounded in mystery that it's impossible to tell if he's human, inhuman, or a facet of reality given flesh. He rarely speaks or emotes, and often only giving monosyllabic advice when he does, Mab treats him with respect, he's on a first name basis with Donar Vadderung (Odin), the Queens of Faerie and their Knights (the ones that aren't complete scumbags anyways), and Kringle, his pub is Neutral Ground under the Unseelie accords, one of the Outsider walkers refers to him as "Watcher", and when Harry presses him for information and help, the only answer he gives is "I'm out." According to WoJ "He's not a god, or the scion of a god. he ''is'', however, dangerous." and that Jim stated in a public talk at the Trails West Library, Liberty, MO he has "already told you who he is, but you'd have to be pretty nerdy..."<br />
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=====Criminal Underworld=====<br />
Most organized crime probably has some connections to the supernatural, they may not be directly involved in it, but they probably know about some of the supernatural predators and organizations in a given area and try to give them a wide berth. Some crime lords have a preference for hiring half-demon hitmen and ancient norse security consultants.<br />
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*'''John "Gentleman Johnny" Marcone''': the "Baron of Chicago" and the man in charge of the Chicago Outfit, he's extremely ruthless and efficient, a man who believes its best to rule with two parts respect, one part fear. While the city was locked in a gang war as a result of the more entrenched families imploding, his rise to power began, he kept killing the competition until he was the only capo left. He realized that people are more loyal to you when you treat them nice, so all his underlings get decent working conditions and medical insurance. Violent crime and crimes involving minors (he's got a code: don't hurt kids) dropped to its lowest in years during his reign, thus making the streets more efficient, orderly, and easy for him to control. The police don't like to go after him partially because they're afraid of his replacement being worse than he is and partially because he'll have them fired, threatened, bribed, coerced, or failing those killed and thrown into Lake Michigan. Harry doesn't like him, but he knows that Marcone is almost always the lesser of two evils when it comes to organized crime. So turn a blind eye; the streets are safer, human trafficking is at its lowest, nobody's peddling drugs to your kids, and who do you have to thank? John Marcone of course, your friendly neighborhood real estate mogul and philanthropist, what an upstanding citizen! Let's make sure he stays in power why don't we? John Marcone is almost definitely an assumed name, and in the short story ''Even Hand'' he's implied to either be ex-military or law enforcement. He's a bit of an odd duck as far as crime lords go in that while he does have a code of honor(based off nordic and germanic models), he doesn't believe in old school italian mafia tradition and ceremony. He dresses less like The Godfather and more like the executive of a multimillion dollar corporation. He doesn't tolerate any interference with his personnel or any attempts by the Five Families on the East Coast to muscle in on his territory.<br />
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*'''"Cujo" Hendricks''': Massive bodyguard for Marcone. Quiet, loyal, and thick-skulled in every sense of the word. Has studied philosophy.<br />
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*'''Troubleshooters''': Marcone's heavy hitters, named so because their job is to find trouble, then shoot it<br />
**'''Childs''': Marcone's top troubleshooter. A man of apparently African descent with peroxide blonde hair and a caribbean accent. He may or may not be fully human<br />
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=====The Paranet=====<br />
A recent faction of low level magic users and concerned citizens, its an online community that tries to distribute knowledge about the supernatural for self defense without things like giving up one's humanity or going through complex and humiliating initiations. Depending on who's using it, it can be anything from a support group to a grapevine to an online anarchists's cookbook for those looking to shove a thumb in the eye of a supernatural predator.<br />
*'''Elaine Lillian Mallory''': a rare non-warlock wizard who doesn't belong to the White Council. Harry's adoptive sister/ first lover(look, its complicated). Harry and Elaine were unrelated orphans who were adopted at roughly the same by Justin DuMorne and they subsequently grew up together. As one would expect, when the two turned into horny teenagers, one thing lead to another and they became lovers (although DuMorne might have encouraged it since it would enable him to gain leverage over one by manipulating the other). While Harry was able to escape DuMorne's psychic headlock, Elaine was not so lucky and ended up enthralled. When Harry burned DuMorne to death, he lost track of Elaine in the smoke and assumed that she too had died. Harry beat himself up over this for years until he learned that Elaine was alive, she had never contacted him until then because being enthralled and then seeing her father figure burn to death traumatized her. Then '''SPOILERS''' happened and they '''SPOILERS''' and ended up '''SPOILERS''' the '''SPOILERS'''. She was one of the founding members of the Paranet, providing much of the knowledge about the supernatural world required to get it off the ground. She's less powerful than Harry but better with more delicate magic, in combat she uses lightning evocation.<br />
*'''Mortimer "Morty" Lindquist''': Chicago's resident Ectomancer and spirit medium, by his latest appearance he's probably powerful enough to get on the council, but he lacks the generalised skill set of a full Wizard. He's an admitted coward, and at his introduction has barely any power left after squandering it on false seances and other cons. He grows more confidant and powerful throughout the series, but he continues to try and convince other people to leave him alone. He and Harry have an adversarial relationship based on mutual respect, Morty admits that Harry is powerful and usually means well, but every time he crosses Harry's path something goes excessively wrong in Morty's direction, while Harry gets a look at the things Morty deals with when his power starts to return, and starts to treat him like a person rather than a useful tool.<br />
*'''Gary The Conspiracy Guy''': One of those guys, lives in his mother's basement and tracks everything calling it "Studying the Paranormal through Statistics".<br />
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=====Special Investigations=====<br />
The branch of CPD that everyone else foists all the weird, supernatural cases on in the hopes that they cook up a rational explanation (read: bullshit) for it that allows everyone else to sleep at night. Its also the CPD's equivalent of a siberian detention camp, ask too many questions or piss off the wrong people and you'll get transferred to SI. People in SI rarely get transferred to other divisions and many leave the force soon after being put there.<br />
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*'''Lieutenant Karrin Murphy''': Head of CPD's Special Investigations and one of Harry's closest friends and allies. Below average height, most people underestimate her, only to be proven wrong when they inevitably find out that she's both a gun nut and a master of aikido and several other martial arts. For most of the series, she's been the second half of an awkward hybrid will-they-won't-they + cop-buddy relationship with Harry. Her father was in a precursor to the SI, the Black Cat Division, and he ended up killing himself at his desk (it's implied that he was forced to by... something). She's been married and divorced twice, the second time to an FBI agent who promptly got remarried to her younger sister, earning both of them her eternal hatred. She's often times suspicious of others, confrontational, and a bit of a bitch, but she's loyal to her friends and doesn't afraid of anything.<br />
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*'''Henry Rawlins''': A veteran beat cop and friend of the Murphy family. Worked with Murphy's father for a time, and eventually got transferred back into SI. Is one of the only people on the planet brave enough to call Lieutenant Murphy "Little Carrie Murphy". A friend and ally of Murphy's and Harry's, with a solid head on his shoulders. A real bro-tier guy. Generally a skeptic, but willing to suspend his disbelief when the situation calls for it.<br />
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*'''Rudolph''': A whiny, corrupt, little shitstain who who got "promoted" to SI for sleeping with the wrong politician's daughter, before kissing enough ass to get into Internal Affairs. As he's in complete denial about his experiences with the supernatural and is implied to be unknowingly on the take from various supernatural nasties, he is one of the most despised characters in the entire series, both in-universe and by readers. He shows up every once in a while to make things difficult for Murphy and Dresden.<br />
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====Venatori Umbrorum====<br />
The Hunters in the Shadows or the Hunters of the Shadows depending on the translation, although it is more accurate to call them "The Shadows of the Hunters" (See Venatori below). A secret society composed of humans with a lot of knowledge about the supernatural but not a lot of magic power. Dedicated to fighting monsters that prey on humans and pretty good in an actual fight, but they mainly specialize in preventing the (complete) corruption of human government and laws by supernatural predators, hoarding knowledge, and distributing knowledge to others in order to be able protect themselves. Also very good at waging financial war on various supernatural entities, making it much harder for the more chaotic and predatory supernatural factions to hoard mortal wealth. Basically lawyer/librarians with a working knowledge of the supernatural and lots of flamethrowers.<br />
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*'''Venatori''': The original hunters, and the reason the Venatori Umbrorum exist. The '''Venatori''' exist to combat a loose coalition of beings collectively referred to as the Old Ones (yes, ''those'' Old Ones), in a conflict called the Oblivion War that has been going since the dawn of humanity. They do this by wiping out all mortal awareness of an Old One and thusly consigning him/her/it to Oblivion. The Archive was created to lead this war and her reason for existing that's given in the main books is her cover story. (These guys only show up in the Short Story '''Backup'''). The Venatori Umbrorum were created as a smokescreen for these guys due to the fact that they are fucking with Elder Gods and their cult servants. Fun-Fact: the Venatori almost consigned the Faerie Courts to Oblivion, but Mab got the Brothers Grimm to write their Tales, and Gutenberg to distribute them leading to the Fae being firmly ensconced in the public consciousness. The White Court has either been recruited or has at least partly subsumed this organization, though the reason for either is the same: to drive out competition for the top of the food chain. The Archive, as a construct bound to a set of specific rules, cannot intervene and is relegated to providing information to the Venatori. TL;DR: Les Mysteres + Keepers of the Source + Division Six<br />
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====The Archive====<br />
The Archive is the living repository of written human knowledge. A magical construct that instantly knows anything that's been written down by a human being. It is bound to a single bloodline and is passed from mother to daughter on the death of each host. All this knowledge has two main effects, the host gains genius level intellect and magic ability, and she is forced to deal with millennia of knowledge and memories. The tremendous weight of all the knowledge can sometimes drive Archives insane, so to compensate, they limit the amount of time they interact with others in order to avoid forming unnecessary memories of loss and pain, to ease the burden on future Archives. What most people don't know is that the Archive plays a pivotal role in the Venatori's Oblivion war, providing the hunters with information they use to track their target, and keeping track of which entities have been "forgotten" until it's absolutely certain they're gone, at which point it forgets them.<br />
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*'''Oracles of Delphi''': past Archives, they used their knowledge of the past to build predictive models of the future<br />
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*'''Ivy''': the current Archive, she has been burdened with the position of the Archive since infancy, after her irresponsible, underage mother killed herself to avoid her duty. Said mother had become the Archive after her own mother died in an accident, and, hating the fact that her own youth was cut short while her daughter would get to live a relatively normal life, decided to take the selfish way out. She never even bothered to give her child a name. The child was aware of all of this the second she became the Archive, moments after her mother's death. Never experiencing a regular childhood, she grew up near emotionless and logical, with only brief hints of anything resembling a child (liking small animals). She began to develop more of an identity after Harry nicknamed her Ivy when she was seven, but she remains detached and analytical. She is accompanied by Kincaid, her personal assassin, bodyguard, and chauffer and the closest thing she has to a father.<br />
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====The Church====<br />
Way back in the olden times, the Catholic Church tried to crack down on the more evil parts of the supernatural community. Unfortunately, they got carried away and started a shit show called the Inquisition. The Church hadn't expected that to happen(but then again, neither did anyone else). Nowadays, they're real sorry about that, to the point of trying not to actively involve priests in the supernatural. The "Ordo Malleus" (guess where Jim got that from) limits itself to providing a support network for those dedicated to fight evil with the power of faith, and do their best to protect those who come to the church for asylum against supernatural beings. <br />
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*'''Father Forthill''': Michael's main contact within the church; a member of the Ordo Malleus and a Catholic priest(of the ''non''-molesting sort). He's a generally good dude, a devout Christian who takes his duties seriously but isn't so rigid that he can't take a joke or share a drink with a friend. Studied law before becoming a priest, so in addition to being the Carpenter's contact and priest, he's their lawyer. As one of the Knights' abilities tends to be showing up just where they're needed, Forthill has the uncanny ability to show up at the Carpenters' home to babysit their kids right as Michael is heading out to do just that. <br />
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=====Knights of the Cross=====<br />
Somewhat parallel to the Church are the Knights of the Cross, chosen individuals who wield a trio of swords made with the nails used to crucify Jesus. Each knight and sword represent one of the three final virtues espoused in 1 Corinthians 13:13 - Faith (Shiro/Fidelacchius), Hope (Sanya/Esperacchius) and Love (Michael/Amoracchius). Every knight is a paragon of the virtue for which the sword they carry is named, and the swords are immensely powerful divine artifacts when used in defense of their respective virtue. Contrary to what might seem intuitive, Knights of the Cross don't have to be Catholic or even religious; all they have to do is have sufficient inner strength and the belief that the weak should be protected and evil should be opposed. There are only at most three at a time, and they have a very high turnover rate. Not only do they fight next level apocalyptic stuff, which means casualties are common, most Knights only hold their title for the duration of one mission or task; of all the Knights in history, career Knights are very much the minority. The three serving Knights at the opening of the series are on the far right end of that bell curve: one having served for a few years, one for about two decades, and one being an old man who served since his youth. The three swords they wield have been reworked and reforged throughout the years, so they've carried other names and forms. Amoracchius was once called Excalibur, Esperacchius was once Durendal, and Fidelacchius was once Kusanagi. It's implied more and more strongly as the series goes on that the Knights are all descended from ancient kings. <br />
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*'''Michael Carpenter''': A family man, Catholic, building contractor, and Knight of the Cross, wielder of the longsword Amoracchius (also known as "Excalibur, that's fucking EXCALIBUR?!"). A loving husband and father of seven, he's what happens when the [[Paladin|holy-warrior archetype]] is written right. Unlike most portrayals of religious types (particularly members of the Catholic Church), the author decided that religion didn't automatically make you into an abrasive dick, taking into account that organized religion has actually had some positive effects on human history, like the establishment of charities and medical aid when everyone else was espousing social darwinism. Harry sees him as a friend and something of a worthy authority figure, seeking to gain his approval, knowing that if someone as good as Michael Carpenter likes him, he can't be all bad. He's been given the moniker "Fist of God," which should give you some indication as to his combat prowess. He's also an honest-to-God paladin, using what Harry describes as "True Faith" to create a few NOTmagic effects throughout the series, such as causing vampires to burst into flames from touching him, dispelling a mental illusion, and driving away a swarm of demons, though Michael would insist that all these were God's doing, not his. Descendant of Charlemagne, the first Holy Roman Emperor and conqueror of much of Europe.<br />
**'''Charity Carpenter''': Michael's beautiful yet intimidating wife. A caring, if occasionally overbearing, mother who is honestly quite badass in her own right when her children and husband are in danger. Not a Knight or an Angel or anything; just a strong, smart, caring woman who happens to be a skilled blacksmith(Michael wears Kevlar-lined chainmail into battle that ''she'' made). She openly dislikes Harry because her husband always jumps to help him when he needs it, putting him in danger (note: Technically not a Knight or part of the Church, she could fit no less than five different categories in this list, so we threw her here).<br />
**'''Molly Carpenter''': Michael and Charity's eldest child. Harry's known her since her early childhood. When she reached her tweens, she started getting more and more rebellious towards her admittedly strict mother. This and a '''SPOILER''' incident eventually culminated in her turning goth, dropping out of high school, and eventually leaving home to live on her own. The rest of her (and the rest of Michael's family's) story is '''SPOILERS'''.<br />
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*'''Sanya:''' An agnostic soldier of good and amateur philosopher who grew up in Russia, wielder of the sabre Esperacchius (also known as Durandal). Despite all the stuff involving angels and the like that he deals with, he's an atheist (or at least an agnostic), his argument being that the beings he meets could just as easily be extraterrestrials or non-divine supernatural creatures, or that he may be hallucinating everything. He's notably one of the more practical Knights, being more willing to be aggressive, use unconventional tactics, and use modern weaponry. Being a black man who grew up in Russia, he grew up a minority and became bitter and lost because of it, resulting in more than a little bit of shade in his past. These days he's a warrior of light and a generally good dude, and unlike the other Knights he manages to retain a healthy sense of humor. He and Harry are buddies. Descendant of An-Nasir Salah ad-Din Yusuf ibn Ayyub, known to the most in the west as Saladin, an ancient king who founded the Ayyubid dynasty and who retook Jerusalem from the Crusaders. <br />
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*'''Shiro Yoshimo''': An elderly Japanese man and wielder of the cane-katana, Fidelacchius (also known as Kusanagi-no-Tsuruki, it's a weird bit of "did not do his research"/"popular myth" here as Kusanagi technically predates the usage of katanas in Japanese history, but as it hasn't been seen by mortal eyes for the last 1,500 years or so, it can be a katana because that's Japanese and we have no clue what it really looks like at all). A genuinely selfless man and a total badass, whose skill in combat was compared by Michael to Mozart's skill with music. While he's technically a Baptist (a technicality involving a misunderstanding at an Elvis concert) he still thinks like a Shintoist in a lot of ways. While all Knights seem to be really, ''really'' lucky when it comes to guessing things, Shiro seems to have a borderline precogniscient ability to predict events; presumably he gets a pointer or two from the Almighty, or maybe he's just really observant. Descended from Sho Tai, the last king of the Ryukyu Kingdom in what we now call Okinawa.<br />
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====Angels====<br />
Angels could perhaps be best described as beings that are half Divine Servant and half Eldritch Terror, who are usually polite enough to put on a human-looking form so as to not literally blow the minds of mortals around them. Seriously, it's made very clear as the series goes on that there's a ''reason'' that whenever angels pop up in the bible they open up by saying "be not afraid". It's implied in one of the later books that a wizard looking at even a minor angel with his Sight would destroy his mind, and an archangel outright says that he has the power to destroy galaxies. That said, they're for the most part servants to some nebulous Almighty Creator, a being/concept/thing that has worn many faces and titles throughout the ages, but whom they make a policy not to discuss with mortals. By and large, they tend to take a hands off approach to things, only directly intervening when mortals are manipulated by other equally powerful supernatural evils. Angels have no true gender, but most seem to preferred human appearance.<br />
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*'''Uriel''': Archangel and head of what is basically Heaven's black ops division, which kind of makes him the Handler for the Knights(and sometimes Harry when he's with them). A surprisingly amicable individual who's a fan of both Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, as long as you don't call him "Uri". All that friendliness distracts you from the fact that he's been engaged in a shadow war with Lucifer since before time was a thing, and he was responsible for most of the Punishments levied against mankind in the Old Testament. Generally appears as a vaguely Mediterranean looking young man.<br />
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*'''Michael''' The Archangel, prince of hosts. Implied to be the General of Heaven's armies. <br />
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*'''Raphael''' The Archangel, the Demon binder, also at least partly responsible for helping build the panic room in the Carpenter household.<br />
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*'''Gabriel''' The Archangel, the Trumpeter. Implied to be something of a herald and/or messenger.<br />
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*'''Amitiel''': polite angel who works as a security guard in a transitory afterlife<br />
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*'''Angel(s) of Death''': Clad entirely in black, with skin the colour of spilled ink, eyes like voids, and hair the shade of raven feathers the Angel(s) of Death cut an extremely unsettling sight. The one we meet in the books is a stand up girl. Her job being to watch over truly good people as they die, and then escort their souls to heaven personally. She's armed to the teeth because there are Things that will attempt to stop this.<br />
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====Monoc Securities====<br />
A "private military corporation" based in Oslo, Norway. In addition to vanilla mortals, many of its employees are valkyries and einherjaren (norse warriors from valhalla). Has significant military and magical resources and is known for contracting out '''very''' competent mercenaries and consultants. The corporation's name is a freaking pun on the part of its founder. <br />
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*'''Donar Vadderung''': Owner, Founder, and CEO of Monoc Securities. Is also Odin One-eye, Thunder's Father, King of the Aesir and Vanir. Maintains a cordial relationship with Harry, akin to mentor and unwitting pupil, or at the very least and interesting investor in Harry's exploits and future. WoJ is that he gave up most of his divine power in order to more freely interact with the mortal world, but being Odin, he can get by just fine using sheer intelligence. He may also be Kringle, Beowulf, and quite probably many others.<br />
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*'''Hugin and Munin''': Vadderung's raven haired secretaries and spymistresses. Known to be uptight and terrifying, in contrast to their boss' laid back demeanor<br />
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*'''Sigrun Gard''': A valkyrie and Marcone's security and supernatural consultant. Possesses above average(but not definitively superhuman, more like peak human) strength and an unnaturally high pain threshold. Is ''very'' good at her job, and has lived for hundreds if not thousands of years. She's skilled with rune magic and magical theory, and is a skilled close quarters fighter, on par with the best warriors of the ancient world. Sometimes goes oldschool shield-biting mouth-frothing Berzerk in combat.<br />
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*'''Freydis Gard''': Another valkyrie, shows up in Peace Talks, likes dancing, sex with both genders, and breaking societal norms. Is a lot less stuffy thn Sigrun.<br />
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====Order of the Blackened Denarius====<br />
'''Pure. Unrepentant. Evil.''' Thirty fallen angels trapped in the thirty coins used by the Romans to bribe Judas Iscariot. Sometimes called Knights of the Blackened Denarius as a parody of the Knights of the Cross who oppose them. The coins basically act like the One Ring, tempting and corrupting whoever holds them with promises of power, eventually tricking the unfortunate host into giving up his or her free will and becoming little more than a beast of burden in the thrall of the fallen. Coin bearers have access to the immeasurable experience and knowledge of the Fallen angel, in addition to a shape shifting ability that allows them to take on demonic characteristics to make them more formidable in battle. The Fallen and the Coin bearers are more of a loose coalition of allies than a formal order, with a few distinct factions within the order who will cooperate or backstab each other as the situation requires. The group's overarching goal is to cause the apocalypse, but its much more complex than that. The "leaders" of these groups believe that its unlikely that they'll actually cause the end of the world, but they can still advance the cause of Hell while trying. Subsequently, their plots are constructed such that if the lose, they're still able to cause pain and suffering and weaken the forces of good, for example: if they're stopped from obtaining nuclear warheads, they'll still have caused multiple deaths, widespread panic, and significant human suffering in the process of trying. Their philosophy is to push the world closer and closer towards Armageddon, creating an environment of chaos and terror. Put in the words of their de facto leader: "Apocalypse is a frame of mind." The group is known to be responsible for The Bubonic Plague, Columbian Cartels, and the Rwandan Genocide. An unsettling thing about the leadership is that they claim that they are in fact "saving" the world, presumably because the think Satan was in the right for rebelling against God, and if they win, the Fallen get to literally rewrite history and objective morality.<br />
[[Image:Nicodemus.jpg|thumb|right| Nicodemus and Anduriel. The human is the more dangerous one in this picture.]]<br />
'''Known Coins and Bearers'''<br />
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*'''Anduriel/Nicodemus''' Nicodemus Archleone is, for the purposes of the stories, essentially the leader of the Order of the Blackened Denarius. As close to '''Evil''' as it is possible to get in the series, and a man who Harry fears and respects in equal measure. Nicodemus himself is an extremely enigmatic individual, the current prevailing rumor to his identity is the potter in whose field Judas Iscariot hung himself. He is completely devoted to the idea of the Apocalypse and is wholly convinced that all he has ever done was for the cause of good, believing the forces of Heaven to be evil. Throughout the series, there are subtle hints that he actually has an obsession with Christ and sainthood, seeking to become a messiah, he also seems to view the rest of the Denarians as his "apostles" . Anduriel is a former lieutenant of Satan who may or may not be completely subservient to Nicodemus, it can listen in on anything said within hearing distance of any shadow on earth (only one shadow at a time though and you can ward against its presence). Nicodemus prefers to work as a manipulator and schemer, rarely entering combat if he can avoid it, though once there he's all kinds of dangerous. An expert marksman and swordsman, he also wears the absurdly OP relic noose that Judas hung himself with, which more or less makes him immune to any harm, save for SPOILERS. Unlike most Denarians, he doesn't have any one overt combat form, instead forming shadows to serve as hands, tentacles, wings, that kind of thing. He speaks with a rich, cultured, "vaguely British" accent, because all villains are British.<br />
**'''Squires''': Nicodemus' personal cult of henchmen. Membership is hereditary, so each squire is raised to be absolutely loyal to Nicodemus. Upon their initiation to squire, Nicodemus has their tongues ripped out so that they can't speak if interrogated and can't function outside of the cult.<br />
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*'''Unknown/Deirdre''' Deirdre is Nicodemus's daughter/lover. Totally loyal to him, murderous, short tempered. Described as having the beauty and subtle curves of a straightrazor. Demon form looks like a green scaled, shapely medusa-like creature with razor-sharp hair that can extend to great lengths. Harry has repeatedly described her demon form as "disturbingly attractive," so make of that what you will. Speaks with a "vaguely british" accent, because Jim Butcher watched too many movies in the 80's and 90's.<br />
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*'''Imariel/Polonius Lartessa (Tessa)''' Tessa is Nicodemus's wife and rival in creating the Apocalypse. *obligatory pun about hell and relationships* Currently has the appearance of a girl in her mid to late teens (having been a former child prostitute in the Roman Empire before Nicodemus "saved" her). Imariel transforms its host into a humanoid praying mantis that can dissolve into swarms of smaller insects. She's considerably more impulsive and rash than Nicodemus, being more focused on short term carnage than long term apocalypse. She's also a wizard, with White Council levels of magic power (but she predates the current incarnation of the organization). As of ''Skin Game'' she's gone batshit, fucking, crazy.<br />
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*'''Ursiel/Rasmussen''' Ursiel is a fallen who takes the form of a giant demonic bear who loves brute force. Rasmussen, his bearer, is a broken, insane, wreck of a human being, tortured and beaten into submission. Ursiel itself has devolved into a bestial mass of madness and rage, motivated only by an addiction to bloodshed and a hatred of Heaven.<br />
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*'''Lasciel/SPOILERS''' Lasciel is known as the Web-Weaver, the Seducer, or the Temptress, and is described as a rebel angel among rebel angels who manages to avoid being a mary sue, somehow. Despite kinda sorta working for/with Nicodemus, she's as much of a backstabber to the rest of the Fallen as she is to everyone else (hence "rebel angel among rebel angels"). According to WoJ, prior to the Fall, she tried to profit by working for both sides during the War in Heaven. When her plans fell apart and the War went FUBAR for Lucifer's bunch, she was cast out for her disloyalty. She then threw her lot in with Satan, became something like an anarchist, and developed a huge chip on her shoulder in regards to God and any other authority figure. Her sigil is vaguely reminiscent of an hourglass. Like all angels she has no physical body, but prefers to take the shape of an attractive woman in the minds of her host. In combat she takes the shape of a cloud of smoke and subtle fire wrapped around her host. <br />
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*'''Saluriel/Quintus Cassius''': A snake-themed Fallen angel bound to one of Nicodemus's "personal friends" (an expendable pawn). In combat it gives its bearer a serpentine lower body and a cobra-like head.<br />
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*'''Thorned Namshiel/Unknown''' Tessa's sorcery expert, enjoys picking pockets and strangling people, sometimes simultaneously. Looks like an emaciated man with thorns all over its body. Despises humanity and views humans as little more than animals. Is good enough at magic that he can literally grab and ''eat'' a spell thrown at him. He can take a combat spell, control it without dissipating its energy, and devour it. That's some next level shit right there. <br />
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*'''Akariel'''<br />
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*'''Urumviel'''<br />
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*'''Magog/SPOILERS''': Considering the enormous significance of angels' Names, there's probably a really interesting story behind the break in the naming scheme. Magog looks like an enormous purple gorilla with horns, and serves as Tessa's heavy hitter. He's fast, crazy strong, has next to no reaction time, but he doesn't have any strategy other than "run at the enemy and hit it really hard." Like Ursiel, it appears that he's devolved into little more than a blood-crazed beast.<br />
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*'''"Obsidian Statue"''': Nickname only.<br />
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*'''"Shaggy Feathers"''' Nickname only.<br />
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*'''"Green Antlers"''' Nickname only.<br />
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*'''???/Rosanna''' Tessa's second in command, her coin is unknown. Looks like a sexy succubus with goat hooves. Manipulative type, but can also use magic, fire evocation at the very least.<br />
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*'''Varthiel'''<br />
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*'''Ordiel'''<br />
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*'''???/McKullen''' We literally know his name and that's it.<br />
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*'''Tarsiel'''<br />
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This leaves at least 12 unknown coins assuming there's no overlap in the above unknowns, either being held secure by the church, or out in circulation<br />
<br />
====Demons====<br />
Demons in the Dresdenverse are distinct from the Biblical Fallen Angels, they are instead denizens of the Nevernever who are neither spirit nor faerie nor divine being. Most simply want to go about their business without having anything to do anything with mortals, but some are summoned to do the bidding of mortal magic users anyway, and a few try to enter out world to eat/murder/chat up/rape mortals. Almost every demonic being will test the bindings of those who summon them, even if they don't really want to murder the summoner, as a matter of principle. If they find those bindings wanting, they are free to do whatever they want to the unfortunate summoner, and whatever they want is almost universally unpleasant. While the vast majority are basically neutral, a large portion of them do work for Hell, serving as everything from foot soldiers to bureaucrats (Dresdenverse Hell is seems to work like an odd combination of a Feudal Kingdom, La Revolucion, and a Megacorporation)<br />
*'''Kalshazzak''': Low level toad demon has been forced into assassinations in the past, doesn't like being summoned<br />
*'''Chaunzaggoroth/ Chauncey''': A massive chitinous demon who works for Hell. He speaks in a perfect oxford accent and wears a pair of wire frame spectacles. He deals in information, providing intel in exchange for intel, occasionally trying to recruit mortals to the cause(a task for which he receives bonuses and potentially promotions from his superiors). While he's essentially a bean counter, his info gets passed along the chain of command to the Fallen and their allies.<br />
*'''Shen''': Purple, winged monkeys who throw flaming poop, we're not making this stuff up. They're malevolent demons who can fuse together to form a larger gorilla-like demon.<br />
*'''Baka Baku''': Don't really know where to put this one so its going in with the demons. Japanese folklore has this thing called a Baku that eats nightmares so children can sleep soundly at night, it looks like a cross between a lion, a tiger, and an elephant and is generally benevolent. These are not those Baku. In the 90s, a Japanese company made plush doll based off the Baku that came with its own little book explaining how the Baka Baku would eat all the kid's bad dreams and be their cuddly-wuddly protector. Because(heartwarming alert) the belief of children can do magical things, many Baka Baku actually manifested in reality and actually did protect kids from nightmares. Now here's where shit gets dark. After gobbling up kids nightmares, the Baku wandered off and tried to help other people. Unfortunately, no one told them that a) Negative psychic emanations, like nightmares, can have corrupting effects on psychic entities and b) PTSD is a thing. So lots of Baka Baku ended up being driven insane from eating too many or too dark nightmares and were corrupted. They now eat people's life forces and inspire fear as well as feed on it. To this end, they can assume human form and prey on the emotionally unstable and traumatized. Faith magic can make their human guise's skin translucent and make their shadow reveal its true form.<br />
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====Dragons====<br />
Honest to goodness fire breathing dragons. Most of what we know of them comes from WoJ. They were created by God to do monumental tasks in the act of creation, like pulling continents and crazy shit like that. There are two types of dragons: immortal, divine, shape shifting beings who are closer to Chaotic Neutral Angels than anything else, of which only two remain on Earth (think Dragons in the Far Eastern tradition combined with old school interpretations of Seraphim), and lesser servitor dragons who were created by the divine versions as pets and servants, of which there are an unknown number(think classical European dragon that kidnaps virgins and shit). Its unknown how they were involved in the War in Heaven,if they were involved at all, but presumably some of them sided with the Rebel Angels(Fallen).<br />
*'''Ferrovax''': Divine dragon and the eldest and most powerful of his kind(at least on Earth). He's mentioned by the author as being able to crush the faerie queens, coincidentally, his name translates to "Ironsides". In the world of supernatural politics, he's more or less a nation unto himself.<br />
*'''Pyrovax''': Second of the surviving divine dragons, he was mentioned in WoJ and that's all we know<br />
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====Nagas====<br />
Divine serpents from India. One appears in the comic ''Ghoul Goblin''. They are dedicated to neutrality and are known to act as mediators of supernatural disputes.<br />
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====The Prosthenos Society====<br />
Nutjobs in Scandinavia who surgically attach body parts of supernatural creatures to themselves to attain a sort of "patchwork immortality". Only mentioned in the short story ''Backup'', but they might make good villains for an RPG campaign.<br />
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====Scions====<br />
Sometimes, for whatever reason, a mortal will have a child with a demon or supernatural creature. This child, if it is not miscarried or stillborn, is often insane, deformed, or both (since having six arms and claws made of bronze aren't exactly compatible with typical mortal biology). However, sometimes a very lucky child or "Scion" has a largely human appearance and gets access to some of the badass powers of it's non-human parent.<br />
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*'''Changelings''' The most common type of Scion, Changelings are the result of Fae and mortals getting freaky. Their Fae traits manifest at puberty, giving them partially Fae physiology and psychology that depends on their Fae parent. Once they are made aware of their inhuman heritage they may make a choice to either embrace it (becoming fully Fae), and reject it (becoming full Mortal). Changelings are often treated like shit by their inhuman parents, if they are not just outright ignored, though some Fae do care for and love their offspring, but being Fae, they're not exactly great at communicating that love. So they have a Choice between normal human (sane but boring) and Fae (exciting but they're not really the same person anymore). They can decide not to Choose and stay a Changeling in an attempt to get the best of both worlds, but that means that they also have to deal with the both human and Fae baggage too. Changelings are beholden to and considered subjects of whatever Fae nation or Court their nonhuman parent belongs to.<br />
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*'''Grendelkin''': Yes, that Grendel. They're exclusively male, very big and strong, and may or may not have some kind of natural countermagic. For some reason, they can only reproduce with virgins, after drinking Mead. The pregnancy is always fatal to the mother.<br />
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*'''Temple Dogs / Foo Hounds''': An example of a non-human scion breed, Foo Hounds are said to be descended from a celestial spirit and a mortal hound. Larger than even a great dane and much heavier. ''Very'' strong for a mortal animal, with a few supernatural perks. They can live for centuries and are naturally very intelligent, implied to be just as smart as humans, though they still have a dog's instincts and priorities. Additionally, their bite can hurt supernatural and even ethereal beings, and they can '''B'''ark loud enough to be heard miles away, and across the borders of the Nevernever. They're also instinctively protective of their families and homes, and are almost impossible to sneak up on. All this makes them a much sought after companion for wizards, and they often guard temples, hence the name. The current guess for their mortal breed is Caucasian Bear Hounds with some Tibetan Mastiff mixed in. They are seriously scary stuff to the point where an Archangel refers to one as "Little Cousin".<br />
**'''Mouse''': Introduced as a puppy in ''Blood Rites'', Mouse is adopted by Harry when he hides in the Blue Beetle and misses his flight back to Tibet. Once he gets a little bigger, he accompanies Harry on a few adventures. Sees Harry as more of a roommate than an owner, and ends up inheriting quite a few of the wizard's quirks.<br />
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*'''Jared Kincaid/The Hellhound''': A bodyguard who moonlights as a mercenary and an assassin, throw Deadshot, Deathstroke, and Big Boss in a blender and Jared Kincaid is what comes out and shoots you straight through the temple from 30 yards away with a Glock pistol. He prefers to use firearms and he NEVER, EVER misses, how he does this is unknown, Harry theorizes that his nervous and muscular systems are so advanced that he has superhuman reflexes and coordination. He's hundreds of years old and he looks like he's in his late 30's/early 40's. He also used to be Drakul's(the father not the son) right hand. He managed to stir up the fan-base something fierce by claiming to be "just as human as [Harry] is," which means either Harry isn't fully mortal or more likely, Kincaid was lying. The fandom has tied itself in knots discussing this. Ebenezar has been out for his blood because of an incident that happened in Istanbul where Kincaid broke some nebulous assassin's code.<br />
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*'''Goodman Grey''': A shapeshifting mercenary, and a '''professional'''. Apparently the scion of a mortal woman and a Naagloshii, which is all kinds of fucked up.<br />
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*'''Irwin Pounder''': The son of one of River Shoulders (Strength of a River in his Shoulders is one of the Forest People, aka Bigfoot/Sasquatch) and Dr Carol Pounder. Irwin doesn't really demonstrate any physical supernatural traits, beyond being a bit bigger and stronger than your average guy, but has great vitality, comparable to that of a Wizard. Harry forces River Shoulders to meet him as the payment for his last case, because "No kid should never know their dad".<br />
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====Naagloshii/Skinwalker====<br />
[[Image:Skinwalker.jpg|thumb|right|The Skinwalker, that stuff on its claws is someone else's skin]]<br />
Semi-divine monsters from Navajo mythology, basically the Navajo version of a fallen angel. Immortal, powerful shape shifters who have instinctive knowledge on how to torture any given being in the most painful way possible. They feed on the life force of magic users, but they slowly lose their power the further away they are from tribal lands. What separates these guys from Fallen Angels, is while that the Fallen believe that they are in the right, the Naagloshii wholeheartedly admit they are pure evil. Their only joy is rampant slaughter and proving that all other beings are just as flawed and evil at heart as they themselves are, usually through insanity inducing torture. To illustrate how viscerally hateful these things are, here's a quote of one of them making a threat: “I will come for you. I will kill you. I will kill your blood, your friends, your beasts. I will kill the flowers in your home and the trees in your tiny fields. I will visit such death upon whatever is yours that your very name will be remembered only in curses and tales of terror”, and it said all of this while snacking on an unconscious White Court Vampire that it had effortlessly put in critical condition.<br />
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====Kenku====<br />
Ninja crow-men from Japan. Have blue blood and wield katanas. Can go through Red Court Vampires like a hot knife through butter<br />
====Ghouls====<br />
Man-eating monsters who hire themselves out to the various nasties of the world as muscle (when mind-raped or addicted thralls just won't do), the have an insatiable craving for human flesh. Appear as vaguely humanoid creatures with elongated limbs and dog-like snouts, but they can assume the appearance of humans with plain, unremarkable features. Harry despises them on principle, since every ghoul we've seen has been a depraved subhuman ''thing'' that's a threat to innocent lives. The RPG introduces the fact that they are weak to Faith Magic, much like the Black and Red Courts, however as we've never seen any interactions between Ghouls and The Faithful in series, this is something we've got to take on good faith (ha ha ha). They are speculated to be a form of true-breeding scion of Uber-Ghouls. Many of the smarter ones(relative to ghoul intelligence) have a Sumerian theme to them.<br />
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*'''The LaChaise Clan''': the go to "people" for all your assassination/muscle/corpse disposal needs. The LaChaise Clan is the only known organized body of ghouls and hires out its members as mercenaries and assassins. Little is known about the inner workings of the clan but it is the premier provider of intermediate level muscle to the Red Court.<br />
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*'''Uber-Ghouls''': Take a ghoul, cross breed it with the T-1000, and add in a heavy dose of those Ice Age genes that insist on adding size and tusks to all those old mammals, and you've got what Harry calls an Uber-Ghoul. These things are seemingly immortal as the one time they've shown up they demonstrated the ability to pull themselves together when reduced to nothing more than rotten, chunky salsa.<br />
<br />
====Nature Spirits/Genius Loci====<br />
If a dryad lives in a tree on the mortal plane, then the tree that a Dryad lives in would be a nature spirit/Genius Loci. Nature spirits aren't so much drawn to places of power as they are the will of places of power; you can have a Place of Power without a Genius Loci, but you can't have a Genius Loci without a Place of Power. Mortal spellcasters may attempt a '''Sanctum Invocation''' which is not a contest of wills, a straight-up fight, a contract, or an introduction, but a mix of all those things. It's a ritual that binds it to the wizard, and the wizard to it. This boosts the wizards power while in the Place of Power, and connects them to the will of the spirit. A Place of Power does not have to be natural to generate a nature spirit, it is just as likely that Auschwitz or the Statue of Liberty has a Genius Loci as the Grand Canyon or Niagra Falls, simply due to the large concentration of emotion and life moving through the area.<br />
[[Image:Demonreach.png|thumb|right| Manifestation of Demonreach, the most <s>malevolent</s> antisocial island in the Great Lakes region, and possibly the entire planet]]<br />
'''Known Places of Power'''<br />
*'''"Demonreach"''' A spooky fucking island in Lake Michigan that was scrubbed off the maps after the spirit present caused every single person who tried to settle there to go irrevocably insane. The Genius Loci attached to this place looks like a cloaked twelve foot tall humanoid form made of roots, vines, and rocks. It's terrifyingly powerful, to the point where even Mab gives it a healthy respect - it's implied that while it's power is only localized to the island itself (and surrounds), if she's on it, Demonreach could easily subdue and contain Mab for millenia if so inclined. Walks with a pronounced limp, and '''SPEAKS LIKE THIS'''. <br />
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*'''The Pyramids of Giza''' Mentioned in the RPG books.<br />
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*'''Chitchen Itza''' The Red's Courts primary ritual grounds, lots of Earth Magic, and dark, dark sacrificial rites go on here.<br />
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*'''Stonehenge'''<br />
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*'''The Hallowed Halls''' The White Councils headquarters underneath Edinburgh castle. Is said to move depending on the current world superpower, and was located under Rome during the time of the Original Merlin. Why it isn't under the White House or the Pentagon at the moment is a question that really should be asked, but then again, the White Council seems to have beef with America for some reason. <br />
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*'''Vesuvius''' An off hand comment in Cold Days implies the eruption was the doing of a pissed off Genius Loci.<br />
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====Forest People====<br />
These are the people that make humans in the US cry "Bigfoot!" every now and then. Yep, they're real, and they're actually pretty polite and not as hairy as you might think. They don't exactly blend in, so the Forest People have agreements with Native American tribes where they provide education and access to resources while the tribes provide them with access to wider mortal society by proxy, letting them enjoy modern amenities without causing a car crash every time they want to check their bank account. Big, strong, very powerful magic users. Thankfully, many are pacifists, but the violent ones can fuck shit up something fierce. If you drop your keys into a pool full of rabid bears, one of the Forest People could probably get it back for you without getting hurt.<br />
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*'''Strength of a River in His Shoulders''': A mild-mannered bigfoot and water magic adept, lover of Dr. Carol Pounder and father of Irwin Pounder. He prefers to avoid conflict and is afraid that his son will reject him. As such, he has a professional relationship with Harry Dresden, whom he pays to look in on his kid every now and then. He's also '''loaded''', having access to veins of gold ore that were never found by humans.<br />
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*'''The Genoskwa''': A prick, pure and simple. Also explicitly claims not to be one of the Forest People, and is physically different just enough that it holds water. Where River Shoulders is kind, patient, and empathetic, this guy is cruel, aggressive, and dismissive. He attacks Harry for simply mentioning River Shoulders, and manages to shrug off a good chunk of Harry's magic during the attack by literally grounding it with Earth Magic. Eats goats at roughly a rate of 2-4 a day. Is revealed in "Peace Talks" that this isn't his name so much, but rather the name of the Philosphy he ascribes to which translates out to "The War Path"... Murder most people who aren't the Forest People, keep the rest as slaves and cattle, and then murder all of the Forest People that do not agree with him. Basically a Forest People Nazi. His actual name as revealed in Peace Talks is "Blood on his Soul".<br />
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*'''Grendel''': Revealed in Peace Talks that Grendel was a Forest Person, and the first of the Genoskwa. He went to war to drive people from their homes and lands because the Forest People had been there first, and he believed humanity was inherently inferior. Was driven back and killed by Beowulf, who is insinuated to be Vadderung/Odin/Kringle, fighting as a mortal.<br />
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====Ghosts====<br />
In the Dresdenverse, when you die, your soul goes to the afterlife (which may or may not be the Judeo-Christian one, the nature of the divine is extremely complex and no one on earth or the spirit world/Nevenever has a full understanding), it doesn't linger on. However, if you have unfinished business, you might leave behind a Shade, a spirit that has all your memories, sort of a spiritual footprint. The shade essentially is you, and shades believe that they are the souls of the departed (but they really aren't) at first. They can by seen and heard by some people, but they cannot physically interact with the world unless they go insane. Sunlight, particularly sunrise (which has a metaphysical cleansing effect) is fatal to them. Shades can sometimes get a foothold in the Nevernever and become powerful agencies of their own, creating pocket realms in the spirit world that they can rule over undisputed.<br />
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*'''Wraiths''': shades that have gone insane and/or been warped by negative energies<br />
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*'''Lemures''': shades that have decided to increase their own power, stave off losing their identities, and attempt to feel more alive by devouring other shades, the undead equivalent of a really dangerous crack addict.<br />
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====Kemmlerites====<br />
One of the most (in)famous and powerful wizards of all time, '''Heinrich Kemmler''' ([[Heinrich Kemmler|not the one you're thinking of]], although given Jim Butcher's status as "one of us" this could easily be a reference) was a necromancer of unparalleled skill, to the point where death could not hold him. The guy had something of a compulsive urge to teach people, so he took on many students and disciples, and wrote four books that his teachings might be spread: The Blood of Kemmler, The Mind of Kemmler, The Heart of Kemmler, and the Word of Kemmler. He was almost singlehandedly responsible for orchestrating WWI, during which he used the chaos for a steady supply of corpses, and the rampant death to further hone his art. The White Council took up arms, and the entire senior council and all the wardens attacked his stronghold and "killed" him. He popped up again in WWII, repeat story, the White Council "killed" him again. He popped up ''again'' in the 1960's, where the White Council, literally every wizard, all the wardens, and as many allies as they could muster, went forth and "killed" him again, destroyed "all" his books, and killed "all" his apprentices. Coincidentally, on the same day that Kemmler died Soviet Russia decided to test the most powerful nuclear device ever developed, the Tsar Bomba. Given further hints from the author, it's quite possible that either the bomb was used to kill Kemmler, or the "bomb" was his death curse. It's possible that he isn't totally dead, heavily implied that some of his books survive, it's outright confirmed that some of his apprentices survived. Kemmler practiced and taught something he called True Magic, a discipline of magic that made no distinction between white and black magic, seeing them as two sides of the same coin, ditto for life and death, an idea that's been getting more and more support as the series goes on, considering what we've learned about the soul and the afterlife, that said, Kemmler himself was one of the few individuals that "amoral" beings like Mab and Bob see as objectively evil, so the True Magic might just have been super evil that felt really good. One of his followers claims that he would have liked Harry, take that as you will. To sum up: Nagash lite, with some Nazi occultist and Mannimarco thrown in for flavor.<br />
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'''Known Kemmlerites'''<br />
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*'''Grevane''': Kemmler's first disciple, a scarred, bitter old necromancer by the current day. He seems to be the only one of Kemmler's living disciples who respects his departed master. A master of raising corpses as zombies; the older the corpse, the more powerful the undead, and he is capable of turning even the most unimpressive human corpse into a relentless killing machine. <br />
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*'''Capiorcorpus/Corpsetaker''': Another of Kemmler's disciples, an ex-council wizard who used body switching magic to inhabit the forms of others to prolong her life. She prefers binding wraiths to her will rather than zombies. Kemmler didn't favor her in comparison to his other apprentices, and the feeling was mutual, as she saw him as little more than a means to an end. <br />
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*'''"Cowl"''': A mysterious wizard and a capital-freaking-B '''B'''adass, so named because he never gave Harry his name, and covered his face in a deeply shadowed cowl. He considered Kemmler to be nothing more than a talented madman(he could however be lying), so he may not have actually studied under Kemmler, but is associated with his other students. His evocation is on par with that of Morgan's or Ebenezar McCoy's, and he's "died" at least once, apparently surviving what was more or less having a supernatural necromancy nuke literally blow up in his face. He's implied to be a member of the White Council or possibly a former member. <br />
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*'''"Kumori"''': Cowl's apprentice, a necromancer with a heart. She stopped a man caught in the crossfire of a gang war from dying, and unlike all most antagonists, was actually willing to try and talk things out with Harry. She actually makes a pretty good case to Harry that the use of necromancy isn't inherently evil, that just as "white" magic can be twisted against its "good" nature, so too can "black" magic be twisted against its "evil" nature. May or may not be dead.<br />
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====Spirits of Intellect/Knowledge====<br />
You know how humans leave behind shades and nature can sometimes manifest incorporeal spirits? Well, a Spirit of Intellect is what happens when a spirit and human (and some other things too) fall in love with each other. If their relationship is one of True Love, it can create a sentient mass of energy and knowledge called a Spirit of Intellect. SoIs are vulnerable to sunlight, but they can inhabit magical vessels to protect them from the sun, in exchange, they must do the bidding of whoever owns the vessel. They either take on the initial personality characteristics of whoever owns the vessel (only the characteristics at the time of introduction though) or they take on the characteristics of their owner's first impression of them (so if they change owners, they can stay almost the same if they met the owner before). This mutability may disappear when they get powerful enough. Essentially being a self-aware database with a personality, they're most useful as living repositories of knowledge and as advisers. They can get scary powerful over time, since for them knowledge literally equals power.<br />
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*'''Bob''': Harry's Spirit of Intellect who inhabits a human skull. He helps Harry work on spells and enchantments and also gathers information from around Chicago and the Nevernever, serving as a something between an adviser, a spy, and a supernatural weather station, being equipped by training and inclination to map out the changing "flows" of magic. Harry first got him when he was a teenager, so Bob's kind of a horny bastard, much to Harry's ongoing frustration. Having worked alongside wizards for at least a millennium, Bob is scary powerful and intelligent, and knows secrets that have him on Mab's hit-list. It's easy to underestimate the power of someone who could be killed by taking him outside and smashing him with a hammer, but in spiritual terms he's a heavyweight, going toe to toe with powerful spirits, tearing down complex and powerful wards without much effort, and surviving a hit from wards made by someone whose other wards one-shot a twelve foot tall magic-resistant goat faery. That's just his magical muscle, so to speak, to say nothing of his centuries of experience and instinctual knowledge of magic.<br />
**'''Evil Bob''': Because spirits of intellect are made of knowledge, if they lose a large amount of information, that info can take on a life of its own, like cutting a starfish in half to get yourself two new starfish. "Evil Bob" is a manifestation of all the knowledge Bob gained from working with a certain S-Ranked necromancer we may or may not have mentioned above. Evil Bob is a twisted, enormously powerful version of his progenitor, loyal only to Kemmler's memory. He's also evil, to the point where he manifests as a skeleton in a freaking SS uniform. It's a testament to just how powerful Kemmler was that the comparatively small time Bob spent with him produced a spirit that's more than an equal for the one spawned from the collected experience of working with countless other wizards for centuries. Its also a testament to how greatly Kemmler twisted Bob's very being that the persona was loyal only to Kemmler instead of whoever owned the skull, and that it retained its own identity rather than the one of its current owner. Bob hated this part of himself, and locked away as many of the memories as he could. Impartial spirit of intellect, eh? <br />
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*'''INSANE SPOLIERS (Bonnie)''': Harry's daughter by Lash, Bonnie was all set to pop out of Harry's skull like Athena and Zeus during the events of "Skin Game". Harry was unaware of her existence up until this point as Mab told him he had a psychic parasite that was causing his increasingly painful migraines, which technically wasn't a lie. Fucking faeries. She's adorable and likes pancakes. She's also a horrifyingly powerful spirit, being the Scion of a Starborn mortal wizard who's one of the most dangerous practitioners alive, and the echo of Lasciel, a freaking Fallen Angel who was known for her intelligence and plotting. It's implied that she has all of their memories, and spiritual might proportional to that knowledge. Considering Bob's new living arrangements, it's entirely possible that she will be Harry's lab assistant going forward in the series. <br />
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*'''Athena''': The Greek goddess Athena popped out of her father's skull fully grown, the result of one of Zeus' many, many, many, many, many, many affairs. She had so much power that she immediately ascended from Spirit of Knowledge to god status.<br />
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====Outsiders====<br />
Beings from outside of Creation (outside of both the material universe and the spiritual world), inhabiting a place only known as Outside, beyond the Outer Gates at the very edge of the land of Faerie. They have impossible anatomy and minds, reality tends to break when they're around and they shake off most magic like raindrops. Very little is known about them other than that they're Outside, and they want IN.<br />
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*'''Outsiders''': Extradimensional, would-be invaders. Lots of tentacles and mismatched body parts of the type that '''would not''' go in hentai. And trust us, [[/d/|we've seen some shit]]. Outsider is a catch-all term for the many, many creatures from Outside, though there's a possibility each one may be unique. They take cues from Cosmic Horror monsters, though they leave Lovecraft's deep sea theme to the Fomorians. The only consistencies between Outsiders is that they're good at psychic assaults, they can only be summoned up by human magic, and they are smarter than being an all-destroying rage monster would suggest them to be. They want in to our reality to wreck it, though the reason why, if there's any reason beyond instinctual hatred, is unknown.<br />
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*'''He Who Walks Behind/"The Walker"''': ''He Who Walks Behind, Lord of Slowest Terror'', is a being who's partly responsible for making Harry who he is. When Harry ran away from Justin DuMorne, He Who Walks Behind was summoned to kill him, but Harry defeated and banished him instead. Has (at least) two manifestations, a cloud of razor sharp spikes, and a looming vaguely humanoid presence that is always behind you, even when your back is touching the wall. He Who Walks Behind is only a title, his real "name" is a psychic impression of pain, hatred, and sadism. He speaks with a vaguely British accent, because of course he does. There's evidence in the more recent books that HWWB might have intentionally thrown the fight to shape Harry somehow, and given that SPOILERS this implies that HWWB might be working against his own cause.<br />
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*'''He Who Walks Before/"Sharkface"''': ''He Who Walks Before, Gatebreaker, Harbinger, Feargiver, Hopeslayer,'' is another Walker like He Who Walks Behind, but he's slightly (and emphasis on slightly) less abstract. He appears as a ragged black cloak beneath a monstrous, eyeless face with fused teeth. The series somewhat paradoxically compares him to the power of Queen Mab or Demonreach, yet Harry survives fighting him twice. Make of that what you will. Surprisingly, he actually doesn't speak with a "vaguely British" accent. Can create clones of himself and near perfect illusions with only a single flaw.<br />
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*'''Shoggoth''': A creature made out of insanity and the fused bodies of its past victims, it feeds on intelligence and is surrounded by a aura of psychic terror made from the final moments of every single person it has ever swallowed. It is only weak to fire. It's referred to as "the '''spawn''' of an Outsider", so it may be some form of Scion. Maybe an Outsider fucked an amoeba or something. We don't know. If anybody does know please report to a therapist and a Warden.<br />
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*'''Corner-Hounds / Hounds of Tindalos''': Lovecraft was more right about these than he knew. Capable of showing up anywhere where there is at least a right angle these things are a cross between a Horse, a Dog, a ball of tentacles, and the world's most powerful Sub-Woofer. They like to either fight physically, or use ultra-low frequency sounds to incapacitate their prey. They hunt in "packs" of thirteen bodies, which are all being controlled by the same mind.<br />
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====Werewolves====<br />
A blanket term for a number of magical talents that have wolf-themed capabilities. A bit of exposition made it clear there are four kinds of creatures that can be called werewolves; the non-species specific terminology is Weretherian, but for simplicities sake we'll stick with werewolves for here.<br />
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*'''Werewolves''': Mortals who have a minor magical talent for shapeshifting, and learned how to use turn into a wolf at will under their own power. This means they have to learn to properly transform and handle their new body from scratch, but otherwise don't have many of the drawbacks that the other '''types''' have. Werewolves are still vulnerable to regular weaponry, so no silver required. Apparently if you get really, ''really'' good at it, you can shapeshift your clothes with you. For the rest of them, they have to get naked first or they're gonna be a wolf wearing blue jeans. While that might be hilarious, it probably won't be useful in a fight. <br />
**'''Wolfwere''': A wolf that has learned how to transform into a man, gaining the mightiest power of all: '''OPPOSABLE THUMBS'''. Also note that this is also really rare, because it means that an animal (not from the spirit world) has learned magic, which is almost unheard of.<br />
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*'''Hexenwolves''': Mortals who use enchanted items infused with the power of a predatory spirit to shape-shift. This means there is no pesky learning curve to handling their new bodies, but at the same time a spirit of violence and predatory instinct is being let loose inside their skull, slowly turning them into psychotic beasts with little impulse control. Silver not required.<br />
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*'''Lycanthropes''': People who channel a spirit of rage. While they don't technically shape-shift; their bodies do undergo minor changes during the full moon, making them harder, faster, stronger, and lowering their impulse control and intelligence as they become more bestial. This might be the same trick used by Viking Berserkers. Once again silver is not required, but bring a lot of force.<br />
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*'''Loup-Garou''': Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? Well you'd better be scared of this guy. Loup-Garous are the only werewolf variant who have no control over their shape-shifting as they are under a generational curse which forces them to turn into a wolf like demon the size and weight of a small minivan, or large car, during the three days that surround the full moon. This curse has to come from a major heavyweight, like the Faerie Queens or a Demon lord, and is nigh-unbreakable without killing the family line that has been cursed. Loup-Garous are the only form of werewolf vulnerable to silver, and then it has to be silver inherited from a family member. A loup-garou can go through a building full of armed and trained men like a hot blender through an infant made of butter; they're huge, strong, and almost impossible to kill without silver, being immune to poison and mind magic, and capable of healing fatal injuries within seconds.<br />
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====Titans====<br />
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In the classical Greek sense. One of them (SPOILERS) returns in ''Peace Talks'', in cahoots with the Fomor and even kicks Mab through multiple walls and then tries to nuke Chicago off the face of the planet in ''Battle Ground''.<br />
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===Types of Magic Users===<br />
Like many other settings, the Dresdenverse has many different types of magic users. We're going to go over the human ones here. Wizards also heal better (note: better, not faster) than mortals, and because of this live much longer. Some of the oldest wizards have lived to be over 400 years old, and if you study necromancy, you might just "live" longer than that. These affects will apply to all practitioners to a greater or lesser extent.<br />
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*'''Minor Talent''': You don't have a lot of power or talent, but you have some. To do do anything really significant, you need the help of other minor practitioners. Most likely, you'll be part of a larger community of small time magic users. You might be part of a group of like minded people who will work together to perform magic for a variety of tasks. Work hard enough and you might become a Focused Practitioner, make the right connections and you might become a Sorcerer. Much of the wardens' information comes from tips from these minor talents.<br />
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*'''Focused Practitioner''': You can do one type of magic really, really well. You've honed your gift and learned to use it in ways most people never thought possible. For example, if you learn to shape-shift into a wolf, you might learn to halt the transformation halfway and take on a hybrid form or you could use you shape-shifting to heal your own wounds incredibly quickly. You're inferior to wizards and sorcerers in terms of pure power, but you're likely to be respected for the effort you've put into your craft. <br />
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*'''Sorcerer''': You're at best middle management in the magic world. You don't have wizard levels of power, chances are you only really have one or two proficiencies in magic. However, you've managed to supercharge your few skills either through making deals with higher powers or tapping into a source of power like artifacts, places of power, or specific dates and time. You're nowhere near Wizard levels but you can hold you own in a fight if it happens on your terms. The rest of you power comes from time consuming and often tedious rituals. You probably don't have a complete understanding of magic but to most sorcerers it doesn't matter how it works so long as it works. You'll seem like a badass to minor talents and vanilla mortals, but wizards might look down on you for taking the shortcut to power, and it's a truly rare sorcerer who has the versatility and practical experience to take on a Warden. You might get lucky with a sucker punch, but in a fair fight? Not likely. Sorcerer is also a general term for various nonhuman magic users, like the Sidhe and Fomor, who can potentially match or exceed wizard levels of power.<br />
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*'''Wizard''': You're top of the food chain, as far as mortal magic users go. You can instinctively use magic, but you must study and develop your talent to truly excel. You have the potential to learn any magical discipline if you work hard and learn, but your skill in that magic is based on your individual preferences and talents. All wizards have The Sight, which enables them to see the true psychic manifestation of the world around them, letting them see paths of magic and allowing them to see through illusions. Its a double edged sword though, since anything you See will form a memory that will never fade or soften, so if you See the wrong thing, it might drive you insane. Wizards can also engage in Soul Gazes by looking into the eyes of beings with souls (and some who don't, lore kinda swings back and forth on this) enabling them to See some manifestation of the true essence of a person. This is completely involuntary and will occur whenever the wizard looks deeply into the eyes of someone. Soul Gazes are a two way street, anyone who is subject to a wizard's soul gaze gets a look into the wizard's soul. Among wizards, earning the right to join the White Council is akin to earning your PhD, being recognized by the premier wizards of the world as a peer, if not always an equal. If you play your cards right, you'll live centuries and amass a tremendous amount of wealth, power, and knowledge. If you play your cards wrong, your charred corpse will probably be lying in a ditch in some part of the Nevernever. You're also able to pull off a death curse, a spell that expends all the energy in your body, plus all the energy you can pull in from your environment, in one massive spell. This often takes the form of a massive destructive spell, but can take more subtle and long-lasting forms if the wizard has more time to prepare it. <br />
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*'''Warlock''': You're a magic user of any level who's broken at least one of the Laws of Magic. Odds are you didn't know about any Laws and are an unlucky, inexperienced kid who just developed powers. Sadly, your life expectancy has taken a drastic decrease because the Wardens tend to compensate for their low numbers with sheer fanaticism. How unjust, right? WRONG! You've most likely been irrevocably warped by the Black Magic and/or have gone mad with power. In most cases, the only solution is for the Wardens to put you down like the rabid abomination in human skin that you are. If you're a Council member, the Council will probably look the other way if you break the First Law, since you very likely had a good reason and you're mature and experienced enough to avoid any warping. But if you break any of the other Laws, YOU WILL BE PUT DOWN. If you're not a Council member and you're sane and repentant, and someone on the Council vouches for you, then you might, just might, get put under the Doom of Damocles, which is basically parole with the penalty for violation being death. The Doom gets removed when you've proven yourself trustworthy in the eyes of the Council, which you'll be forced to join because they want to keep a close eye on you. If you're sane and unrepentant then you're a fucking whiner who's too self-absorbed to surrender your life for the good of the many. This probably sounds unfair right? WRONG! For every genuinely redeemable warlock, there's at least ten gibbering maniacs who deserve to die, and wardens have neither the time nor the resources to try to rehabilitate everyone. They do what needs to be done.<br />
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*'''Emissary of a Power''': Like the sorcerer, your power comes from an external source, in your case the patronage of another being; likely a demon, spirit, or lesser god. Unlike the sorcerer, you probably don't have any natural talent for magic. You've been bestowed power by your patron in exchange for your allegiance(or the small price of your immortal soul). In most cases, you won't know how this power works and even if you do, you can't recreate it without your patron. Emissaries of a Power only keep their abilities as long as they continue to work for their patron. Depending on the arrangement, you might be forced into a job that lasts a lifetime (or several lifetimes) or your job might just last until next Tuesday. The exact nature of the power you've been granted varies depending on the nature of your patron, an emissary of a spirit associated with fire will have fire powers, etc. <br />
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*'''Chosen of God''': You're a member of an extremely select group of people who get their power from God. You didn't decide to become a Chosen, God decided. Your power will leave you when you whens His will has been done, as such most Chosen have powers for an extremely short period of time. You'll likely appear in the right place at the right time to do the right thing, guided by divine coincidence or vague but specifically tailored hints from The Almighty. Your power is fueled by your faith. (Note: Chosen are explicitly of the Abrahamic God, or at least the mainstream religions, champions of other, more forgotten gods are more along the lines of Emissaries of Powers)<br />
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*'''True Believer''': Your faith is so strong that it has supernatural effects. Its debatable whether or not this is really magic, its more like you have a greater than average metaphysical mass/psychic presence as a result of your belief or that your chosen deity has decided to reward you for the strength of your faith. You're not overtly supernatural, you can't cast divine magic or stuff like that, but you might be able to ward off and defend against supernatural beings whose nature is antithetical to your belief (a True Believer Christian might set vampires aflame if they touch him, for example). You seem to be ever so slightly more effective than most when fighting evil; when you give someone or something your blessing, its seems to actually work; when you genuinely pray, your prayers tend to be answered (or you just tend to forget the times they weren't answered. Confirmation bias is almost universal among True Believers, even if their Belief does objectively have power). Unlike chosen, your power comes from your own Faith rather than a specific god or God. True Belief in an idea or philosophy is just as potent as Belief in a god or religion, as we see when Harry uses his pentacle amulet and his raw faith in Magic as a tool to protect people and make the world a better, brighter place to ward off a vampire.<br />
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===Types of Magic===<br />
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This is simultaneously the simplest and most complicated part of the Dresden Files universe. Magic is basically the ability to move around energy with your will.<br />
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There are basically two types of magic; evocation and thaumaturgy. Evocation is the directing and calling of forces at an instants notice, and Thaumaturgy is ritualistic magic that requires the caster to jump through hoops, taking anywhere from a minute to a day to cast. There's a crapton of overlap though. For example: you can use thaumaturgic links and rituals to supercharge evocation spells.<br />
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The problem being there is no one way to cast magic; as magic is an exercise of will, belief is important in its use. Don't misunderstand, you can't just Believe yourself into being a powerful wizard, but if you don't Believe in your ability to use magic, you can't use it. As such, how you learn magic will affect how you practice it, and it'll be hard to change once it's learned. For example, if you were taught that magic comes from the gods, you're going to have a hard time changing that belief, because you've spent years of your life deliberately reinforcing that belief within yourself and watching that Belief shape the world around you. However, magic is often practiced more as a science than an art (it's implied that this is becoming increasingly common in the post-enlightenment world), an exercise in using quantifiable inputs to get quantifiable outputs. If this seems confusing or contradictory, good. Magic is shaped by mortal will, and mortals are a fractious and contradictory lot. <br />
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Every practitioner is unique in what they need to help them use magic. You don't really '''need''' anything, but again, Belief and Will and whatnot. There's also a certain practicality to using tools in magic, just as there is in any other endevour. If you prepare an item for casting by investing it with conduits and energy (such an item is called a focus, foci plural) can save you the effort of having to craft that part of the spell in your head. For example, Harry's blasting rod is designed to shape energy into contained blasts and lances, so that instead of carefully forming the energy and shape of a strike, he can just slam some energy through his blasting rod and it'll come out in roughly the right shape. Most wizards will have at least a few foci that they use for evocation (if they study evocation, most don't. After all, how many people do you know who learn martial arts or marksmanship? Most people just don't need combat skills in their day to day life), and potentially hundreds of various ritual items they'll use in thaumaturgy. Harry uses a staff, a rod, and his silver bracelet and necklace (kindly ignore biblical parallels). Carlos Ramirez uses a gauntlet and a staff(later a cane). An asian wizard might use the trappings of an Onmyogi. A rebelious or non-traditional caster might use things like a chain or a violin bow based on how they view their magic an the sort of things they cast. Foci aren't mandatory for the use of magic, after all, magic comes from you manipulating your environment, but a foci will always help. Think of it this way: it doesn't matter how strong you are, it's always going to be easier to pound in nails if you have a hammer. <br />
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It's also been said that controlling magic is something that all humans can do; what determines your ability as a practitioner is how developed your magical "senses" are and how easy you find it to channel large amounts of energy. Harry once compared a mortal learning magic to a blind man learning to paint. The basics are well within their reach (any mortal can establish a magical circle, for example), but truly complex or masterful renderings are beyond the reach of most. There's also the factor of time: even though a wizard can manipulate energy around them, they're leaning to move things that they have no point of reference for. You know how little kids are constantly falling over and tripping until they're ten or so? That's because it took them that long to really master using their bodies. Now try to imagine how long it would take a person to master moving something that isn't connected to their brain or nerves. It takes a decade to learn how to run without falling over, now imagine how long it takes to control a cloud of white-hot plasma exploding outward from your hand at supersonic speeds. I'm just saying, there's a reason that young wardens tend to rely just as much on guns and swords as they do magic. <br />
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It's also worthy of note that magic will still conform to the laws of physics; if you throw a fireball, you have to put energy into the spell to prevent the heat from expanding and the fireball from dissipating(which, ironically, may mean freezing your surroundings to get the needed thermal energy). Essentially, if you want the most bang for your buck, create an interpretation of magic that relies less on belief and more on physics to achieve the desired effect. You need a lot of energy to pull off most evocations, so of you're cut off from accessing energy in your environment, you're limited to the chemical energy output of your body, which means you won't be throwing around any fireballs or lightning blasts(technically you ''can'', but it requires some foresight and cleverness. Really, it's usually easier to just bring a flamethrower). This is why more experienced practitioners almost always beat less experienced ones in duels: the amount of energy in their environment is the same, but the more experienced practitioner knows how to control that energy more effectively and use less space in a smaller area to greater affect. God help us all if a wizard ever takes a physics course realizes he can manipulate relative time the same way you manipulate force and gravity. I think it's indicative of how magic works that the Sidhe, beings to whom magic is a fundamental part of their everyday lives, call mortal technology "ferromancy", or the manipulation of Iron. They see magical constructs as no different from physical items. Magic isn't some self aware mystical power, it's a quantifiable force you can study and map out; humans are what makes it complicated. <br />
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All this said, here are a couple of breakdowns of each "discipline" of magic. These schools are not set in stone; depending on the interpretation there may be a significant amount of overlap. For example, Harry views Ice and Fire magic as basically the same, it's just moving around heat energy. Due to the ongoing changes in lore/Harry's understanding of magic, and the occasional retcon, there's a ''ton'' of overlap here. We've seen mental magic associated with Air, Water, Fire, and Spirit at various times throughout the series. We've seen change associated with all elements except earth. Also worthy of note is that kinetomancy may or may not directly equate to Will. Increasingly as the series moves on we see many beings and even Harry himself exerting their will as pure kinetic force, with no spell casting involved. This is fitting, as all other schools follow the classic greek elements and prefixes, so ot makes sense for kinetomancy to have an aspect as the fifth greek classical element, the spirit.<br />
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====Evocation====<br />
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Evocation, or quick and dirty Ka-Boom magic, is the most commonly found battle magic, and most practitioners in the books follow the ancient Greek philosophy of the classical elements when working such spells. It's not all that complex in what you can do with it, which is the province of Thaumaturgy and its infinitely variable rituals and complexities. A simple definition is: you willed it, it became true. The "schools" below are just the most common and they encompass far more than manipulating the specific "element", the elements are just symbolic placeholder names for the overall systems. As you can see, there's a lot of overlap. It's simultaneously easier to grasp than thaumaturgy, but more dangerous to practice. Throwing out a big explosion of heat and energy isn't hard; it's one of the simpler things you can do with magic. Doing it ''without'' blowing your own hand off, or setting everything around you on fire, or killing yourself from the concussive force of the spell's heat displacing air? Yeah, that's a bit harder.<br />
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*Aeromancy (Air): Speed, cold, mind, lack of physical substance, electricity, weather, mutability, life, spring.<br />
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*Geomancy (Earth): Stability, gravity, magnetism, nullification, power, immutability, stasis, death, autumn.<br />
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*Hydromancy (Water): Probability, entropy, mutability, healing, nullification, cleansing, dissipation, darkness, winter.<br />
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*Pyromancy (Fire): Thermodynamics, change, cleansing, creating or removing heat, light, death rays, warmth, the sun, explosions, summer.<br />
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*Kinetomancy (Kinetic energy): Pure kinetic force, speed, strength, pure energy, barriers, nullification, telekinesis, movement<br />
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====Thaumaturgy====<br />
Thaumaturgy is mostly ritual based, you can use it to create links between things and use those links to transfer energy. A lot of thaumaturgy can be accomplished without rituals though, rituals just help by providing symbolic form to the connections you are making, a "dotted line" for you to trace the flow of the energy. You can do some of the below on the fly, but it generally requires more mental effort on the part of the caster, you have to substitute rituals and their required materials by mentally making the connections and links.<br />
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*Summoning: Calling living beings, be they natural or supernatural)<br />
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*Conjuration: Different from summoning as it is about the object rather than an entity. SEMANTICS HO!<br />
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*Necromancy: Using magic to directly manipulate life, death, and the soul. Naturally has a ton of overlap with biomancy, healing, and ectomancy. Can do everything from raising the dead to saving lives by binding their souls to their body so they ''can't'' die. Can become '''crazy overpowered''' in the right hands (read: Kemmler).<br />
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*Ectomancy: the council-approved version of Necromancy, more about communicating with or binding ghosts than controlling them. Can also pull ghosts into yourself to see their memories and use their skills.<br />
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*Probability magic: Using magic to influence probability. Duh.<br />
**Entropomancy/Fortunamancy: The of mucking about with probability to influence luck. Can cause anything from slipping on a crack to finding a 20 on the sidewalk to suddenly having an improbable number of electrons flying free from the atoms that make up your body, turning you into a cloud of radioactive dust. Theoretically this should be '''absolutely, horrifyingly, incomprehensibly complicated''', because there's really no way to quantify as a force what is good or bad for you. Entropy is easy, stasis is easy, but reversing entropy or trying to quantify good and bad outcomes relative to probability? How the fuck do you write an equation for good or bad outcomes? We never see it used in a beneficial manner in the series, and I'd guess that's because the second law of thermodynamics is a hard thing to argue with.<br />
**Hexing: Mortal practitioners have an effect on the world around them which has changed throughout the ages, in the current day Wizard's have a deletrious effect on nearby technology. Hexing is the magic of specifically using this tech-bane to a much greater degree. Can quite literally make computers explode or cause cars to tear themselves apart. This magic isn't so much straight up entropomancy as it is a natural ability of all wizards rather than a particular style of magic. There are plenty of theories about why it happens in universe, but none of them have proof. Oh, and wizards are always doing this to a certain extent. They can ramp it up if they want, or target a specific thing, but machines will always fail faster around a wizard. <br />
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*Divination: Using magic to attempt looking at the future, past, or some other location in the present. Comes in many flavors.<br />
**Anthropomancy: The art of divining the future in the entrails of a corpse, often fresh. Unsurprisingly illegal as it involves murder.<br />
**Sympathetic Tracking: Using a piece of somebody (fresh hair, blood, toe nail clippings) or something (Paint chips, metal shards, a paired ring) to track them. One of the most common methods of divination, and easy enough that even non-practitioners can do it with a lot of patience and a good teacher.<br />
**Resonant Divination: Much more like a magical telephone than anything else, this is the magical version of Quantum Entanglement, which allows for simple, long distance communication.<br />
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*Holomancy: Manipulating light to create 'solid' illusions. Distinguished from veils in that they are a physical effect on the environment, not just an image projected into your mind. Presumably you could take a picture of a holomancy imagine, but not a veil. <br />
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*Biomancy: Healing and shapeshifting, can also be used to supercharge the physical body, but doing so comes with great risk. Just because you pump enough energy into your muscles to throw your fridge through a wall doesn't mean your ligaments or bones can take that weight, so people who do this without '''extensive''' practice and preparation tend to tear their bodies apart to a greater or lesser degree.<br />
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*Mind Magic<br />
**Neuromancy: Magic that directly interacts with the brain or nervous system. This is the sort of magic that allows you to overclock your brain to amp up reaction speeds or thinking processes, but the backlash is unbelievable. You can also activate people's pain receptors in combat, making them feel like you did when you broke you leg.<br />
**Psychomancy: Magic that interacts with the mind, soul, psyche, or memories. Very illegal, do not do this at home, or in public, or anywhere. As a note it is not illegal to use psychomancy on non-humans, but because of the way that non-human entities minds work enjoy your never-ending acid trip from the comfort of your new padded room with the fancy white jacket. Psychomancy differs from other types of mind magic in that you're altering the psyche on a long term basis. Removing/creating memories, turning people into thralls, reading unwilling minds. There's a healthy amount of leeway when it comes to healing psychic trauma though, especially if it was inflicted by magic, so ironically there are actually plenty competent psychomancers in the White Council, including the Gatekeeper and Listens to Wind.<br />
***Thralls: humans who have had their Free Will subverted by psychomancy<br />
****Fine Thralls: think "manchurian candidate", a fine thrall's mind has been tampered with in such a way that the thrall is left unaware of the tampering. Either their behavior is altered without them knowing it, or they perform certain actions when triggers activate their programming. The condition is curable.<br />
****Rough Thralls: Rough Thralls just stand around awaiting orders. They can perform basic tasks and follow orders, but they have no initiative or true awareness of their situation. A Rough Thrall will carry out orders and think of absolutely nothing else, that means that it can't think creatively or critically when faced with an unexpected problem. The condition is curable in some cases but can be permanently damaging.<br />
****Renfields: Black Court's special thralls created through overpowering mortal minds with sheer power and torture. Basically dead men walking. They're not good for anything other than excessive violence or very simple tasks. Incurable without exceptions, a Renfield will commit suicide after a few months of being created.<br />
**Veils/Illusions: Making it so that people receive false sensory input or suggestions, so they either see nothing or don't notice you. Typically doesn't break the Laws.<br />
**Oneiromancy: Dream Magic, this breed of magic blends with Psychomancy to a rather uncomfortable degree, when used to implant nightmares, or other subliminal commands, however it is also used for communication. Arguably Harry himself uses it subconsciously himself when talking to Id-Harry as he only talks to Id-Harry when asleep..<br />
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*Worldwalking: Opening portals to the Nevernever. The Nevernever sits under/above/around/inside our world, and you can enter it at any point in our world by tearing a hole or a portal between the material world and the Nevernever. It's incredibly difficult to create a portal directly to your desired destination but it can be done if you're a real badass (note that the only people we see do this are an Archangel, a Faery Queen, and a god). Theoretically, because it be done, you could also create such a portal just barely inside another portal, thus creating a portal that connects two places within the mortal world, or two places within the Nevernever, but we've yet to see this done. Most of the time, people just open a hole to the Nevernever in a specific location in the real world, take a trip through a relatively stable part of it (usually through Faerie), open up a portal to the material world, and end up at a specific location. Think "Webway"<br />
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*Wards: A blanket term for all defensive magics, which can be anything from straight up walls of kinetic energy to evocation-in-a-box style landmines to crazy psychomancy "I'm now terrified of that door I was about to kick down" stuff. <br />
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*Item Crafting: The making of Foci, Enchanted Items, Charms, that kind of thing. Every wizard knows how to do this to some extent.<br />
**Brewing(?): Making potions. Thaumaturgy in a bottle. Usually involves cooking (metaphorically or literally) ritual or symbolic items with an investment of energy to activate them. Every potion made has to have eight ingredients. A Base, one ingredient for each physical sense (sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste), and an ingredient for the mind and soul. An additional fact is that potions do not have to be fluid, Ghost Dust and "Sunshine in a Handkerchief" are both technically examples of non-fluid potions according to the RPG books.<br />
**Alchemy: Altering substances based on their psychic/metaphysical properties. Has a ton of overlap with chemistry.<br />
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*The True Magic: Kemmler's magic system/discipline. Never completely defined, but denies the distinction between Black and White magic, and seems to lean heavily on necromancy, psychomancy, entropomancy, and the removal of energy from things. Kemmler's students also tend to use direct will and kinetic force as evocation, and Kemmler himself didn't concern himself much over being alive or dead, so it's likely the discipline focused on the mastery of Will over life and death.<br />
<br />
A Note: The game handles the way a player may handle their Thaumaturgy focus in one of two ways. They can either choose to specialise really heavily in one particular type of thaumaturgy (such as divination) or they may choose a thematic specialization (such as Photomancy where they can do Holomancy, divination, viels, teleportation, or anything else so long as there is a LIGHT aspect to what they're trying to do). Thaumaturgy is an inherently flexible and complex style of magic use and trying to lock it down the way other games might would be damaging to the DFRPG games narrative. Play fast and loose with it when you can.<br />
<br />
====Magical Items and You (WIP)====<br />
=====Focus Items=====<br />
To any sort of practitioner focus items are the tools of their trade. A White CouncilWizard has his staff, a True Believer has his symbol, a Renegade Warlock has dagger carved out of volcanic obsidian he bought at some sort of mexican tourist trap.<br />
<br />
The fact is that all practitioners, regardless of source or power level, have at least one focus item, and those that don't are often considered to be headstrong idiots who insist on doing everything by hand, regardless of its complexity.<br />
<br />
;In Setting<br />
In the setting of the Dresden Files Focus Items are, as above, considered multi-purpose tools that aid practitioners in their spell-slinging. As vocal invocations are Oven-Gloves to help the caster avoid frying their brains with the power they're manipulating; a Focus Item acts like a Crowbar or a piece of rope and a pulley or a knife, it aids the caster by taking out the amount of effort they need to put in, or by focusing the power they're slinging about.<br />
<br />
The more multi-purpose a Focus is, the longer it takes to make, and the more effort it carries over from the caster the larger it is. Examples of this in motion would be Harry's Staff, Blasting rod, and Little Chicago.<br />
<br />
Harry often doesn't even try to cast anything overly complex without his Staff, he's got the power in spades, but the Staff allows him to weave it more completely and in a wide variety of patterns, as a tool it could be compared to a firefighter's Halligan Bar that took him several months to make the first time around, and he is very cagey about potentially losing it. Compare/contrast to his Blasting Rod which doesn't help with the complexity of his spells, but instead helps him focus the power he does throw around, but only in Fire, Air, and Force evocation. His staff can help with those spells but the Rod is designed to help with those spells, and only those spells making it more of a magical Combat Knife, a weapon with some utility outside of stabbing things, that can be replaced rather quickly, compared to his more versatile staff Harry has replaced his Blasting rod several times over, each time only taking a couple of weeks worth of work.<br />
<br />
;In Game<br />
In game Focus Items are a little more limited, but also better defined.<br />
<br />
Every Practitioner who takes either Channeling ([-2 REFRESH] 2FP) or Ritual ([-2 REFRESH] 2FP), or their more powerful variants Evocation ([-3 REFRESH] 2FP) and Thaumaturgy ([-3 REFRESH] 2FP) gets at least 2 Focus item slots to a maximum of 4 (you can't stack the slots from Channeling to Evocation, or Ritual to Thaumaturgy). You can however gain more Focus Item slots by grabbing the Refinement power [-1 REFRESH], which is stackable, and can give 2 extra Item slots each time it is taken.<br />
<br />
So a Practitioner who has only taken Channeling has two Focus Item slots. How do they use them?<br />
<br />
By investing Slots into a single item the Player can gain a boost to either the power or control of their spells of a certain type, so a Wizard who puts 1 slot into an Evocation focus would gain something that looks like this '''+1 Power, (Air)''' or '''+1 Control, (Air)''', whereas if he put in 2 slots he could have an item that boosted both power and control by +1 at the same time '''+1 Power/+1 Control, (Air)''', or something that boosted the power of two seperate elements such as '''+1 Power, (Air, Earth)'''. However if a player wants to do something like this '''+1 Power, (Air), +1 Control (Fire)''' it costs '''4''' slots, because the number of slots used is equal to Number of Elements (Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Spirit) multiplied by the number of Types (Offensive Control/Power, Defensive Control/Power).<br />
<br />
This means in game, it's usually better to make a wide variety of specialised Focus Items until you have the Refresh to blow on Refinement, because trying to stack everything into one item means it is going to cost a lot more for a single item, which can, and most likely will, get busted at some point even if your DM is a nice guy. It just happens to everyone. I would recommend haggling for FATE points slightly less than the number of slots that item cost when it does get broken, though.<br />
<br />
It's also possible to gain an extra Slot for a single item by tying the item to a single specific spell, but if you're going to do that, then make sure it's a spell you are going to use ALL THE GODDAMNED TIME.<br />
<br />
=====Enchanted Items=====<br />
<br />
;In Setting<br />
Where Focus items are tools that aid in Spellcasting, their uses infinite and complex, Enchanted Items are spells stored in physical items.<br />
<br />
An enchanted item is more akin to a magical battery than any thing else, it stores a single spell's worth of energy until it is triggered, and once triggered it is depleted, until more energy can be put in.<br />
<br />
The primary examples of this would be Harry's Force Rings. These are essentially just a set of rings, each enchanted to save up and store little bits of Kinetic Energy whenever Harry moves his arms, releasing all that energy as a coherent blast of raw kinetic energy when he triggers them. However once they have been triggered, they need to be recharged again. The blast of force released always acts in the same way (A single coherent beam of force), and in fact cannot be charged beyond a certain point as the spell has a maximum power limit (to avoid shattering the rings on Harry's hand).<br />
<br />
The secondary, but more common example of this would be Harry's duster, which has been enchanted to be constantly tougher than regular leather, protecting against bullets and blades (up to .50 caliber rifle rounds) but not as much against blunt force. Unlike his force rings, Harry's duster does not need to be actively charged for the spell to work, however the enchantments need to be repaired and maintained once every year to keep them operating at full effectiveness.<br />
<br />
'''For Players: an A-Z List of potential "prefix"mancies that don't really fit in any particular column and can be used to make a character'''<br />
<br />
*Agromancy (Farm Magic, or the magic of growth)<br />
*Brontomancy (Thunder/Lightning Magic)<br />
*Chloromancy (Plant Magic, also see Floramancy)<br />
*Chronomancy (Time Magic, MUHUHAHAHAHA)<br />
*Cryomancy (Ice Magic)<br />
*Eromancy (<s>Love</s> Sex magic, it makes you horny, Love Hurts)<br />
*Faunamancy (Animal Magic, whether this is shapeshifting or a Disney Princess singsong with the birdies is up to you)<br />
*Ferromancy (Iron Magic / Technology)<br />
*Floramancy (Flower Magic specifically, opium poppies anyone?)<br />
*Meteoromancy (Weather magic, Make it rain!)<br />
*Pathomancy (The magic of making diseases and contagions, Nurgle approves)<br />
*Photomancy (Light Magic, lasers ahoy)<br />
*Radiomancy (Radiation magic, Dr Banner, pelted by Gamma radiation, turns into a cancerous husk)<br />
*Sonosmancy (Sound Magic, put your hands up and shout)<br />
*Volcanomancy (Lava/Magma Magic, for when you want to bring Vesuvius to you)<br />
<br />
===Planes of Existence (WIP)===<br />
'''Points/Places to cover'''<br />
<br />
====The Mortal/Physical World====<br />
If we seriously have to explain to you what the physical world is then we are wasting our time. Go outside and experience it for yourself.<br />
<br />
====The Nevernever====<br />
The spirit world, a vast collection of countless planes and sub-realms. Time may flow differently depending on where you are in the Nevernever. By traveling short distances in the Nevernever, you can cross massive distances in the real world. Large tracts of the Nevernever are inhospitable to human life, with the laws of physics in a constant state of flux. Relatively safe and stable paths through the Nevernever are called "Ways"<br />
*Faerie (Winter Wastes, Summer Meadows, Erlking's Hall, Arctis Tor, The Pyramids of Giza, The Mother's Cottage): the largest and most stable part of the Nevernever, while some parts of the Nevernever might change constantly, with their layout shifting and the laws of physics being altered, Faerie is relatively stable and has physics roughly similar to the real world. Iron is forbidden to most vistors, dropping iron on sacred Awnsidhe soil will earn the direct ire of the Queens themselves, as the Fae and their land are one. If you bring iron into Faerie, take it with you when you leave, or else the next time you visit the land itself might turn against you. You'll probably see a lot of standing stones, or Menhir, courtesy of the Fae's neolithic origins, and are occasionaly used to mark specific ways into and out of the Nevernever.<br />
**Winter: every scary fairytale setting ever, bleak tundras, haunted forests, freezing bogs, jagged frost covered mountains, stone altars in the middle of a moor covered in dried blood, near constant night, you know, that stuff.<br />
**Summer: verdant, sunny forests, flower covered meadows, pavilions in the middle of the woods, babbling brooks, circles of Sidhe holding hands and dancing, sights so beautiful that you'll want to stay, forever.<br />
**The Wyld: extremely varied, can encompass environments including and between the two extremes of Winter and Summer.<br />
**The Mothers' Cottage: a humble cottage with a floor of packed earth, surrounded by rolling hills. Inside is a small hearth, with Mother Winter's numerous dentures sitting the mantlepiece. There is a wooden shelf that holds small, homemade ceramic pots, each containing a virulent plague, Mother Summer's collection of "preservatives"(she is the caretaker of '''all''' life, that includes anthrax and smallpox). The cottage lies in an extremely remote part of Faerie, normally inaccessible to both man and fae save for those who are personally invited by the Mothers.<br />
*Hell(?): according to WoJ, Hell is the domain of the Fallen and their allies, an empire of many realms tied together by alliances and promises of power, for mortal souls, it is a place of pure, agonizing(but not personalized) suffering.<br />
*The Underworld: a massive prison-nation of shades governed by Hades, here punishments are personalized and are often cruelly ironic.<br />
*"The Foot of Yggdrasil": seen in ''Changes'', Yggdrasil, the Norse world-tree is a massive tree on the shores of a frozen lake.<br />
*The Far Reaches(?)<br />
*Personal Demesnes <br />
*Chicago-over-Chicago (The Queen's Battleground, The Stone Table)<br />
<br />
====Chicago Between/(Purgatory?)====<br />
A transitory afterlife for the souls of those who died in Chicago although it may be the whole world, we just see 'Chicago'. Uriel runs a soul protection agency(?) on this level, often taking the ghosts or souls of those who are unwilling or unable to pass on to the afterlife until they believe themselves redeemed. They do this by helping Mr Sunshine protect free-will against the machinations of the Enemy. The agency itself is staffed by angels and "mortals" alike, although most of those "mortals" seem to either be dead cops, or soldier given what little we've seen of them.<br />
<br />
The apparent methods of moving on from this place seem to be "The Southbound Train" (no prizes on guessing where that leads), and the Door. It's one person wide, one person tall, and when you go through it, you do so alone.<br />
<br />
====The Outside====<br />
An endless Void of physical non-existence. Dead winds howl in their stillness. Lost and forgotten ''Things'' scream at their punishment. There are no stars in the sky, no movements to stir the dirt underfoot, no thought to stave off madness. A place where life and hope cannot exist. That which should not be is instead given horrific un-life. That is what the Outside is. The only thing found here are the Outsiders in numbers uncountable, directed by the eldritch, unknowable will of the Old Ones. And they want in.<br />
<br />
Separated from reality by the Outer Gates, the Outside is the opposite of existence, not anti-matter, but non-existence. It is everything that the Mortal World and the Nevernever aren't and it is nothing at the same time. It is the antithesis of all that exists, the very concept of nothingness given impossible form and will. It is a place of abominations, reality inverted.<br />
<br />
The Outer Gates themselves border Faerie on the Winter side, stretching from horizon to horizon, standing impossibly tall all the way. Before them sits a vast battle plain covered in crumbling bones, bordered by a massive wall of ice and fortifications that has existed since the dawn of time.<br />
<br />
'''Potential Places for a Gaming Group to Use'''<br />
<br />
*The Bizarre Bazaar (Goblin/Fae Market)<br />
*Santa's Workshop (Ho. Ho. Ho.)<br />
*Arctis Minora<br />
*The Summer Capitols (Verdant Tor? Verdant Minora?)<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
<gallery><br />
Image:DFCharacters1.jpg <br />
Image:DFCharacters2.jpg <br />
Image:DFCharacters3.jpg <br />
Image:DFCharacters4.jpg<br />
Image:DFCharacters5.jpg<br />
Image:DFCharacters6.jpg<br />
Image:DFCharacters7.jpg <br />
Image:DFCharacters8.jpg<br />
Image:HarryThomas.jpg<br />
Image:Kringle.jpg|It's not a drawing of Kringle specifically, but its extremely accurate to the way he's described<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
==External Links==<br />
*[http://www.dresdenfilesrpg.com/ Developers page]<br />
*[http://www.dresdenfilesrpg.com/Nevermore.pdf PDF preview]<br />
*[http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb Archive of most of the things the author has said in interviews(incomplete), you need to sign up to view it though]<br />
<br />
[[Category:Roleplaying]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Eldar&diff=1009122Eldar2026-03-21T14:30:24Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008992 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
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<div>[[Image:Eldar_Symbol.png|center]]<br />
{{topquote|You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.|Ernest Hemingway}}<br />
{{topquote|Be empty, still, idle, and from your place of darkness observe the defects of others. See, but do not appear to see; listen, but do not appear to listen; know, but do not let it be known that you know.|Han Fei }}<br />
{{topquote|It is a fate they justly deserve. In truth, there can be no escape from the doom they have brought upon themselves.|White Dwarf, February 2017}}<br />
[[Image:Eldarbattle.jpg|thumb|600px|right|Space Elves: bringing quality, [[Just as planned|connivance]] and [[Not as planned|disarray]] to a galaxy near you since 65 million Billion BC]]<br />
<br />
The '''Eldar''' (now spelled '''Aeldari''' in the Tome of the Retconian, AKA Trademarcus Friendlius Renamian or ''Aeldarix dolosus'' for you [[Xenology|xenobiologists]] out there describing the Asuryani AKA vanilla Eldar) are one of the playable armies in ''[[Warhammer 40,000]]''. They are essentially [[elves]] ported directly from [[Tolkien]] into space, pointy ears and all. The very word 'Elda' means "of the [light of the] stars" in his Quenya, which word Oromë himself applied to them; 'Eldar' being its plural.<br />
<br />
They are one of the oldest races in the galaxy and have very advanced technology (being psychic-based their tech actually resembles literal techno-sorcery more than any technology humanity would be familiar with) and highly developed psychic abilities, but ages of warfare and strife, and in particular [[Fall of the Eldar|one extremely devastating and painfully avoidable strife]], have reduced their population from the galaxy-spanning empires of the past, referred to as "The Empire of Ten Million Suns," to the few surviving Craftworlds, Maiden Worlds, and Exodite Worlds still present in the [[41st millennium]]. The Ynnari have already brought back many dead Aeldari, but we have yet to see how much these ghost elves have boosted their numbers.<br />
<br />
In the ''40k'' game, the Eldar army is comprised of [[Aspect Warriors|specialized units that excel at a particular task]], as opposed to more general all-rounders like the [[Space Marine]] [[Tactical Squad|tactical squads]]. Their vehicles are almost all skimmers too, with the exception of [[Eldar War Walker|War Walkers]]. The Eldar also have a few special tricks up their mystical elfy sleeves, like [[Webway]] travel and wraith-constructs, which are [[wraithbone]] suits that are controlled by the souls of dead Eldar. It's like a Space Marine [[Dreadnought]] in purpose, only the Dreadnought pilot is merely a cripple while the wraith-construct's 'pilot' is a straight-up ghost. The Avatar of [[Khaine]], one of the Eldar's most powerful units, is a giant monster made of lava that used to be the penis of a war-god, and is infamous for spelling [[Plot Armor|near certain]] defeat for whoever's side it is on the moment it is summoned.<br />
<br />
In spite of their fall from being a colossal empire that ruled the stars and heavens alike when Mankind was still [[Minecraft|poking things with sticks]] and [[Dwarf Fortress|roasting dead animals over fires in caves]] to their current state (a dying, elegiac race slowly being whittled down to extinction by combat losses and the hunger of [[Slaanesh]]), their utter disdain for every single bit of non-Eldarin life remains completely unchanged. The race as a whole has a superiority complex that would put [[Abaddon|Failbaddon]] to shame. They often try to act indirectly, subtly manipulating events to resolve in their favor, but they seem to rarely ever succeed. Even on the rare occasions when they win, GW will eventually, somewhere down the road turn it around into a crushing defeat, just for lulz. Best of all, their ruined plans are usually caused by their own arrogance. They cannot comprehend that non-Eldar have their own minds and agendas. So, when their puppets simply do something more beneficial to themselves than the Eldar (or figure out the spelves’ plan and purposely co-opt or smash it), the elves are left in total shock. It doesn’t help them that the main species of the galaxy have their own future perceiving methods as well...and that no one trusts them due to their dickery; so, when they show up, everyone tries to screw them over. Everyone.<br />
<br />
The Eldar, [[Imperium of Man]] and the [[Tau]] represent the three stages of civilization: The Eldar are the former, fallen, power; the Imperium are the present power, who are now following in the Eldar race's footsteps; and the Tau are the rising power, who will rise to prominence (if they can survive long enough) but eventually fall just like those who came before them. The Eldar have already been through their civilization-wide apocalypse (which they did to themselves and a blind smurf could have told them was coming) and are well aware of the dark path that Mankind now blindly walks. A path so utterly different than that of the Eldar it's practically the opposite.<br />
<br />
It is more accurate to think of the Eldar and Humans as yin and yang. Most Eldar during the time of the Fall turned to depravity, debauchery, and hedonism but a few foresaw the coming cataclysm, and ran. Most Humans in the Imperium never get the opportunity to experiment with depravity, debauchery, and hedonism but embrace xenophobia, blind hatred, extreme religious dogma, hubris, and paranoia, with only a few individuals realising the true scale of the horror they have created; they are normally branded heretics and burned alive in "purifying" fire (a few-- mostly among the ruling classes-- embrace the same excesses as most Eldar once did). In a way, the two species are dark mirrors of each other and each has a bit of the other in them. This even extends to their militaries: the Eldar mostly focus on extreme specialization and intricate planning whereas the Imperium mostly focuses on loose specialization and ham-fisted planning.<br />
<br />
The Eldar are the faction that look so cool and have such sweet lore and awesome tech that’d you’d totally play them and love them if their personality didn’t make you hope they get eaten by [[Tyranids]].<br />
<br />
Also, the rune of Asurmen is a yin-yang symbol. Buuuut that's surely just a coincidence. Right, Mr. Inquisitor?<br />
__TOC__<br />
==History==<br />
<br />
===Origins and the Eldar Empire===<br />
[[Image:Eldarpsykers.jpg|350px|right|thumb|Did you know Tyranid tastes best when cooked inside out with warp fire at 1,000 degrees Celsius?]]<br />
:{{topquote|I watched as the First Ones encouraged the younger race to reach further into the other realm, and with their vibrant minds and passionate souls create beings of power to fight the star gods. ...Without the wisdom and might of the First Ones I saw The Elder's warp-beings evolve from sentient weapons into living gods - the first true gods of the Immaterium.|'Echoes of the Birth' - Liber Chaotica volume 2}}<br />
<br />
Much of Eldar history has been lost and is consequently closer to mythology than fact. Even the Eldar themselves are unsure of the details. What they do know is that they were one of many races either created or uplifted by the [[Old_Ones_(Warhammer)#Warhammer_40.2C000|Old Ones]] to fight against the [[C'tan]] and their minions at the time, the [[Necron]]tyr. The only knowledge of their homeworld that the Eldar have is that they had one and that it had three moons; this homeworld has been "lost" since the earliest memories of their most ancient past. The species known as the Old Ones are said to have left in their great ships, leaving the Eldar to develop on their own, only returning at an unspecific time later, only this time their ships were marked by the scars of war. The Eldar were designed to be powerful [[psyker]]s to take advantage of the C'tan's weakness to the powers of the [[Warp]]. In their infancy as a race, the Eldar learned how to create Warp entities (essentially, artificial daemons) to help them get shit done (be it war, healing, or building), but when the Old Ones took the Eldar to war and subsequently got wiped out by the combined efforts of the C'Tan, the Necrons, and [[Enslavers]], the Eldar constructs went out of control and started merging into much more powerful beings, even capable of facing full-powered C'Tan without being annihilated in 0.1 seconds. The Eldar mistook those beings for gods and started worshipping them.<br />
<br />
There is also the possibility that in order to escape death, certain [[Old Ones]] who had strong links to the ancient Eldar may have hijacked their Warp constructs, by merging together with them, leaving their mortal bodies behind and ascending to godhood.<br />
These new "gods" started to play [[War in Heaven|divine soap opera]] (which often resulted in piles of space elf corpses) until their boss, [[Asuryan]], got tired of this shit, and banned all divine manifestations in real space, effectively locking all of the gods in the Warp. At this time in cosmic history, the Warp was far less dangerous, especially for the Eldar since it was mainly the swinging bachelor pad of their gods, and not a [[Tzeentch|scheming]], [[Slaanesh|raping]], [[Khorne|murdering]], [[Nurgle|rotting]] hellscape. Some accounts suggest that when Eldar passed away, their souls were preserved in the Warp to be reincarnated.<br />
<br />
[[Image:Eldar map.jpg|thumb|left|250px|"40k Map showing the reach of the Eldar Empire and a few of the key locations left after the Fall"]]<br />
For [[Plot armor|reasons]] left conveniently unexplained, the Eldar managed to survive both the war between the Old Ones and the [[C'tan]] and the [[War in Heaven|high school drama]] of their gods, and over thousands of years built a galaxy-spanning empire that was undoubtedly more bitchin' and stylish than anything the [[Imperium]] has achieved. The Eldar terraformed planets into paradises, inhabited thousands of them, and traveled between them effortlessly using the technology of the [[Webway]] left behind by the Old Ones. At the height of their civilization, approximately the same time that humans were starting to evolve, they were using their advanced technology to perform pretty much all the work required in their societies and had rendered manual labour completely obsolete; things called Spirit-drones and psychomatons explored and conquered in their name and they simply reaped the benefits of their galaxy-spanning empire. As time passed many Eldar began to slowly devote themselves to pursuing lives of increasingly hedonistic and decadent behaviour; something as simple as a [[Blood Bowl|game like football would start off as a game, but by the end of the Fall had turned into full-blown gladiatorial death matches]] (like actual American football) (like a goddamn Dr. Seuss fantasy... IN SPAAAACE).<br />
<br />
With the end of the War in Heaven, they effectively became the inheritors of the Old Ones' kingdom, although that didn’t mean they immediately became the galaxy's head honchos. There were still many threats that they had to overcome. The word "Mon Keigh", for instance, originated from a race that enslaved the Eldar for a time before they were defeated. Though the word is now mostly associated with humans, at least one Imperial scholar studying the Eldar concluded it is broadly used against races that have been deemed worthy of extermination though this may be because an Imperial probably wouldn’t be willing to drawn lines between the obvious fact the mon-keigh species were cannibalistic savages and humanity’s habit of warring amongst itself and generally acting like intelligent Orks. An interesting little tidbit from "Asurmen: Hand of Asuryan" suggests that after the War in Heaven was over, for some reason, the Eldar did not have access to the Webway, and spent an unspecified amount of time having to travel to the far corners of the galaxy using conventional means in order to reactivate it.<br />
<br />
[[The Cabal]] introduced in the [[Horus Heresy|Heresy]] does hint that the Eldar at least maintained links with many of the older species in the galaxy. The assembly consists of many of the oldest species in the galaxy, including a being they refer to as the last of the Old Kind, but also younger species; members of the cabal even considered offering the Emperor a seat (this was before the crusade started of course). The Cabal comes across a bit like the [[illuminati]], but may have acted as a sort of UN for the galaxy, this of course is only theoretical, but may shed some light on how galactic politics may have happened in the Pre-Fall era.<br />
<br />
The Eldar dominion before the rot started to set in is described as a shining example of civilization, although exactly what that means is a bit up in the air. It was so "perfect" that it ended up being boring, very very boring; when mentally linking with a "tree" in order to enter an Eldar version of the Matrix is considered boring that's really saying something. Without any form of hardship or strife the effectively immortal Eldar (one of the POV characters in the 'Asurmen: Hand of Asuryan' book takes note that large numbers of Eldar were extending their natural lifespans by insane amounts, intending to outlive the stars themselves; he did not find the idea appealing, as he was already finding his own long life becoming unbearably boring, and preferred to die and be born into a new life) are proof that 'the [[slaanesh|devil]] finds work for idle hands'. The governance of the dominion seems to have been split into something like the ancient Greek city states, each governed by great councils.<br />
<br />
Thanks to 'Path of the Archon' we know that one of the few instances of schism to have taken place during their galactic rule focused around the concept of Form. Whilst some believed that their form, both physically and spiritually, was already something inviolable, a pinnacle of evolution, others believed that the form a soul took was not predetermined and saw no problem in changing their forms as they desired; the more extreme amongst them transmigrated themselves into animals, ships, structures or even entire sub-realms (so you're telling me that they can literally claim to identify as an apache helicopter, and actually make it a reality, well hell, where do I sign up).<br />
<br />
Later on, there are a few recorded instances of the newly-spacefaring humanity clashing with elements of the Eldar race over resources; whether these Eldar the expanding humans encountered were the forces of the Eldar Empire or the fleeing Exodites is unknown. Said dynamic is arguably evident in current interactions between the Imperium and the Tau - a comparison which doesn't bode well for the former party if you accept that history tends to repeat itself.<br />
<br />
The Eldar codex states that the vast trading vessels known as [[Craftworld]]s, which carried the tiny proportion of the race who sought to escape the corruption at the heart of the Empire, sought out other Eldar amongst the far-flung Exodites colonies and even began to settle new worlds of their own. It was then that the fates of the Eldar and Mankind intertwined for the first time, sometime between M18 and M22. It seems that there was nowhere near the amount of bad blood between the two species then as there is now in M41; non-aggression pacts were signed between humanity and dozens of alien races and the introduction of the [[Interex]] in the Horus Hersey claims that the Eldar encountered by humans at the time provided both help and guidance.<br />
<br />
* A small bit of obscure lore from way back, deals with why Eldar void craft are designed with wings/fins on them. When traveling through the material universe they act as solar sails, but they were originally also used when traveling the warp. Once upon a time before the warp was so thirsty for Eldar souls, the Eldar were actually able to sail the currents of the Warp in almost complete safety; instead of using engines to force their way through, they would glide smoothly through the sea of souls using its natural currents, barely causing a ripple. It was stated that the Eldar were disturbed by how humanity traveled the Warp: brute-forcing their way in and then using their engines to propel themselves forward, violently churning up the Warp in their wake.<br />
<br />
===The Eldar during the War in Heaven===<br />
<br />
The War in Heaven was an apocalyptic war between the species known as the Old Ones and the [[Necrons]] that makes the Horus Heresy and the [[Men of Iron|war against the machines]] look like schoolyard scuffles. The War in Heaven occurred roughly 65 million years ago, and is implied to have been the real reason for all the mass extinctions that happened during this period, seeing as it takes place during the same time period that the last of the non-avian dinosaurs went extinct. To put the scale into perspective, [[Trazyn]] has one of the ancient [[Orks|Krorks]] that fought during this time in his exhibits; it is described a towering, twelve-meter-tall monstrosity that loomed over [[Fabius Bile]], whose weaponry and crude exoskeleton were far more advanced than even the modern day Astartes battle-plate. To put that into even more perspective, the largest of the six [[The Beast|Prime-orks]], the ultimate mastermind behind the [[War of the Beast]] which devastated the early Imperium and brought the [[Administratum]] to its knees stood at only ''10'' meters.<br />
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Information on the Eldar during this time is a rarity and scattered throughout the lore:<br />
*They were a powerful psychic warrior race. In the latest book in the [[Mephiston]] series, the recently awakened [[Necron Lord]] commented that although powerful, he was but a pale shadow of its recollections of the Eldar; considering the insane BS Mephiston was able to pull off (still couldn't break out of Veilwalkers grip however, as she dragged him around by his psychic ear), that is truly scary. Modern Eldar are greatly restricted in how they use their psychic might, and limit themselves using runes, that act as psychic fuses (the greater the number, the more power they can safely access). They can choose to override the runes, but it doesn't usually end well; such as the example of the Eldar seer, who in a suicidal last act tapped directly into their full psychic potential, for only a handful of seconds- burning out their runes. The Seer unleashed a terrifyingly powerful Eldritch storm that consumed the whole planet they had been fighting on; however within seconds of doing so the Dark Prince instantly sunk its talons into the Seer's soul, dragging it directly into its open jaws, and consumed the the soul of the Seer entirely. Even constrained and restricted Eldar Seers such as Eldrad are still capable of freezing time for the entire capital of Guilliman's realm, whilst at the same time holding a casual conversation (Unremembered Empire), psychically powering an entire Eldar battleship from halfway across the galaxy, whilst again holding a conversation with the stranded crew, guiding them back home safely, or singlehanded, controlling and shaping enough raw power to birth a god. According to Asurman this sort of display of power was not uncommon before the Fall.<br />
*The entire species was connected by what could be described as a species wide "Gestalt" Field; no Matter how far they may be, they are always connected together ( potentially why The Dark Prince has such a stranglehold on their souls). Many before the Fall took this for granted, only to suffer soul crushing loneliness when it was torn from them. Those that join the Ynnari are able to reconnect, with many finally realising that the Fall hadn't just broken them in the physical sense, but it had shattered them spiritually; if the species has any chance of survival they must become whole once more.<br />
*They created warp constructs/weapons that could be used to battle the Star Gods directly.<br />
*They were apparently able to “reincarnate” after they died. They were essentially a race of [[perpetual]]s, in that their souls are actually immortal and continually move through a circle of death and rebirth. This works in a similar fashion to the '[[Doctor Who|Doctor's]]' regenerations, with the soul being identical but with each reincarnation being its own person, with its own personality and identity; the memories of their past lives are still there, and are still accessible when needed but most don't bother.<br />
*They were [[psyker]]s who could read minds with but a glance and crush an opponent’s weapons with a mere gesture (the example given is a simple closing of an eye lid).<br />
*They fought using swords and spears, not firearms, essentially being more powerful [[Warlock (Eldar)|warlock]]s:<br />
::''“We speak of gods and souls, and this one assumes the smith-god’s gift to the Eldar was plasma weaponry? Hah! These events occurred eons before the Eldar had mastered such things. They fought with swords, spears and their own twisted version of faith.”'' <br />
*They were created before the Krorks, and although powerful they were few in number by comparison. Thanks to 'Wild Rider' we know that the Eldar predate the War in Heaven, as they appear to have had none-violent interactions with the pre-Necron [[Necrontyr]]; keep in mind that the Necrontyr originally asked the Old Ones to help them peacefully, and that the conflict was stoked by the Necrontyr's leadership for political reasons (to unit the turbulent factions of their society against a common foe). The Necrontyr were apparently the ones to introduce the fledgling Eldar species to the concept of the written word; not a good look for the Old Ones, when the Necrontyr turn out to have been the better teachers.<br />
*The Eldar were said to represent silence and grace, whilst the [[Orks]] represented rage and noise.<br />
*The Jokaero were made by the Old Ones to serve as slave-engineers to the other weapon-races and to the Old Ones. The War in Heaven exhibit has a Khaineite warrior armed with some form of chainsword; meaning the Jokaero may be the origin for all chain bladed weaponry that exists in the 40k universe.<br />
*They made use of “Iron Knights” animated by Eldar souls and “Giants” inhabiting (inhabited by?) the souls of the greatest Eldar heroes. Standing three times taller than a Necron and virtually indestructible, they carried arcane weaponry that could channel and project soulfire that ripped their opponents apart. They are reminiscent of the Wraith constructs employed by the Craftworld Eldar, and also resemble the creation and use of the Avatars of Khaine. In ''Ghost Warrior: Rise of the Ynnari'' Autarch Meliniel has gained the ability to transform into an Avatar at will, which may indicate that certain ancient Eldar Warriors may have been able to do the same. [[Tyrion]] during [[the End Times]] did something similar, becoming an avatar of Khaine through the use of the sword [[Widowmaker]] (the last of the swords forged for [[Khaine]] by [[Vaul]]), which means that it may be the forging of objects directly connected to the gods that may have allowed for these theorized transformations.<br />
*During ''Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider'', Nuadhu Fireheart, due to some type of ancestral memory, has flashbacks to fighting alongside constructs larger than [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|titans]] in the original War in Heaven. These titanic figures could very well be the physical manifestation of the Eldar gods given form in the physical plane.<br />
*The Necron [[Phaeron|Phaerekh]] known as the Watcher in the Dark, upon watching Aeldari ships descending from the sky, has flashes from her pre-Necron life. She sees images of immense flying predators and makes a note that the Eldar ships seem to have been inspired by these same creatures; this may represent the Eldar mythological figure of the Cosmic Serpent and its children. Many of the Eldar ships and vehicles (such as the [[Dragonship|Dragonships]], [[Wave Serpent]], [[Vyper]], [[Skyweaver]], [[Starweaver]] and [[Voidweaver]]) are all named in honour of these mythical figures. It could be that during the War in Heaven, the Eldar may have ridden "dragons" in a similar manner to the [[High Elf (Warhammer Fantasy Battle)|High Elf]] [[Dragon Prince]]s and Dragon-riders; the "dragons" that the Eldar Exodites ride may well be their lesser descendants. During the Heresy, [[Vulkan]] fought an Exodite seer upon the back of a giant winged "dragon", so there may still be some of these guys still out there.<br />
*The 8th edition Codex mentions that virtually every battle between the Eldar and Necrons was an overwhelming victory for the Eldar, even after the Old Ones were wiped out. Ultimately, the ensuing assumption of Eldar invincibility would help lay the foundation for the Fall, as they came to think nothing could stop their empire.<br />
*With the apparent demise of the Old Ones, it was the Eldar who stepped up to fill the power vacuum left behind; leading the other creations of the Old Ones against the now weakened Necrons, forcing them into their long sleep.<br />
*The Eldar were led by the brother heroes, Eldanesh and Ulthanesh, who alone could control the Warp Gods and summon them onto the physical plane. The brothers and their gods would lead their children into battle time and time again, pitting Warp spawned furies against the soulless technologies of the Yngir.<br />
*To give an idea to the scale of power wielded by the ancient Eldar, we can look at the Spear of Twilight currently used by the last of the house of Ulthanash, Prince Yriel. The spear of twilight is said to have been used by Ulthanesh himself, and although it is a pale shadow of its former might it is still capable of, not only wounding but feeding upon god tier entities such as the Hive Mind (too bad its tabletop rules don't represent this).<br />
::''"Yriel plunged his spear deep into the rearing serpent. It keened terribly, and Yriel salivated as his weapon drank. Since the day he had lost his eye due to the spear feasting on the limitless hive mind, he had managed to control its fell power and its obscene appetites, but at this final pass he no longer had the strength, and the spear’s murderous soul overwhelmed him. He could not stop it feeding, drawing upon the infinity of spirit the Great Devourer possessed. Yriel felt the hive mind, heard it howl. It thrashed about, and Yriel was battered by its anger. Its thoughts were utterly, unimaginably alien. But one thing came through strong and loud. Hatred, hatred for this creature that had for the first time in untold eons wounded it."''<br />
*It has been shown that "[[Chaos]]", or, as the Necron Phaerekh called it, "the foe-that-creeps", was very much a growing problem, with whole worlds destroyed to prevent its spreading influence. Apparently, the Eldar had been brought into being with the specific intent for them to resist the counter-dimensional incursions, whilst at the same time making use of the Warp to do battle with the Necrons. As has been mentioned, the longer the War in Heaven lasted, the more it churned up the [[Warp|sea of souls]], and in doing so created many of the dangers that would now hunt within its depths. At some point the [[Enslavers|Warp-spawned horrors]] flooding reality must have reached a breaking point, as both the Eldar and Necrons seem to have joined forces to beat their demonic arses back into the hell from which they came. Vaults created through the efforts of both the Necrons and Eldar imprisoned many of these [[Daemon|daemonic]] entities; this includes powerful daemons of "[[Slaanesh]]"?<br />
*Thanks to recent revelations from 'Infinite and the Divine', we now know that the War in Heaven was indeed an accumulation of many different incidents, happening over a very long period of time. The time period known as the War in Heaven lasted around five million years; not kidding here, according to two very high profile Necron Lords this is how long it took. However it does appear as if their memories have become somewhat mixed up, or maybe deliberately tampered with during biotransference, as the two Lords have very different reconciliations about who dragged who away towards the bio-furnaces. After the War in Heaven ended (in reality it never really ended, the bell is about to ring announcing the start of the next round) the Eldar that emerged are said to have taken a very hands off approach to what little life remained in the galaxy, holding a reverence for life in the wake of the destruction wrought by the apocalyptic war. Eldar even visited early Earth, where they discovered a species of small mammals, the earliest ancestors to modern humans. A debate then arose concerning these creatures, as visions gifted to the Eldar revealed that in the far distant future they would either be responsible for Chaos ultimately consuming the galaxy, or a vital element in the fight against the [[Chaos Gods|Primordial Annihilator]]. The Eldar at the time decided to take a gamble and left life on Earth to develop unmolested (too bad the gamble failed; to be clear this is very old lore, but a conversation during ‘Throne World’ does hint at its continuous existence within the current Lore). This is actually supported by 'Godblight', where it is confirmed that the Eldar have been visiting [[Terra|Earth]] for a very long time now, at least as late as 6000 BC, which is about the same time as the founding of Mesopotamia, or the "Cradle of Civilisation". You know those theories about ancient aliens visiting earth- and who may have played a considerable part in the development of early human civilisation, back in the day, well guess who it was; this would also explain why so many ancient pantheons in old myths and legends have a more then passing resemblance to the Eldar's own pantheon of gods. The idea that the Eldar have been taking day trips to earth throughout history isn't that far fetched, when you consider the fact that, at this very moment, there is a massive Eldar city in the [[Webway]] just adjacent to our own solar system ('The Impossible City' that the Emperor intended to use as his entrance point into the rest of the Webway); there might be millions of Eldar at this very moment watching us, maybe even editing this very page... Gits.<br />
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===Not what they used to be===<br />
[[Image:Eldar Aspect.jpg|225px|right|thumb|A Banshee/Scorpion [[Autarch]] performs the fusion dance and kicks some ass]]<br />
As is the case for the Orks, the ancient Eldar at their prime during the War in Heaven were far more powerful than their modern-day descendants. It would make sense that the Old Ones would build safeguards into their creations, to [[Nerf|depower]] them if it ever looked like they were getting too big for their boots or too difficult to control. This may have resulted in the shutting down or limiting of certain powers and abilities; Iyanna in "Ghost warrior" is mentioned using her psychic powers to reignite the accelerated healing processes hidden deep inside the core of every Aeldari, which resulted in a shattered leg knitting itself back together wolverine style; this ability is referred to as the 'Tress of Isha'.<br />
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The stories of Eldanesh the First of the Aeldari and his defiance of Khaine, Morai-Heg and her prophecies, and the tale of the Eldar being locked out of "heaven" and separated from their gods may be a poetic retelling of events that saw the ancient Eldar stripped of their former might and cast back into the galaxy to fend for themselves.<br />
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Although mostly theory, the idea that the Old Ones essentially "decommission" their weapons once they had achieved the task that they had been created for does go towards explaining why the Eldar were seemingly denied the use of the Webway, and how a race that had fought and defeated the Necrons could somehow end up being enslaved by a seemingly barbaric and brutish species from whom the term mon-keigh originated.<br />
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:'''"And you threw away the greatest weapons we gave you! look at them now, cowering in the shadows, flinching at the movement in the darkness. There is no greatness left in these people. They are not worthy of your protection. Give them to us, my daughter. Bring us together and let us feast on them until we are strong and whole again. We will free you from the domination of the one that sundered us.'''<br />
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:''No! We shall not be enslaved by gods or ourselves again.'''''<br />
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:'''And so you will imprison yourselves instead. You will gutter and die like candles rather than burn bright like pyres.'''<br />
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:''Better that than servitude to the Kinslayer. There is nothing you will not bend to your will, and you will use us and destroy us in that purpose. Eldanesh refused you with good reason, breaker of oaths."''<br />
::Jain Zar confronts an Avatar of Khaine.<br />
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===The Fall=== <br />
The Fall happened gradually between c.M18-30 and if ''Farseer'' by [[William King]] is to believed, it all really started with an Eldar called Lord [[Shaha Gaathon]] (or as he would be later called, The Harbinger of Slaanesh) - he was to [[Slaanesh]] what [[Yvraine]] is to [[Ynnead]]. Shaha Gaathon was the first to start what was to become the cults of pleasure and he would later become the first [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh. It may seem strange for the Fall to take place over what is a comparatively very short period of time given the insane length of their rule, but the rate of the Fall can be directly compared to the increasingly violent Warp storms that would eventually lead to the collapse of the DAOT; according to the Lore, when humanity first started using the Warp to travel it was considerably more calm and peaceful, only to eventually end up so volatile that Warp travel became impossible (those lightweights just couldn't last one night at an Eldar empire house party). The Fall really did take place over the course of thousands, not millions, of years, with many Eldar witnessing the slow degradation take place over a single Eldar life time. It is weird that it happened so suddenly, like practically overnight, but it is perhaps possible Slaanesh causes The Fall. Time is a joke in the Warp and all the Chaos Gods always existed even before they were born.<br />
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Ironically, those who sought to delay the coming doom that some among their seers had foreseen actually in some ways accelerated its coming. As first the Exodites, then the Craftworlds and like-minded Eldar fled the heart of the Eldar Empire in greater and greater numbers, what rational, cautious and puritanical elements there were in the Eldar Empire as a whole were effectively stripped away from their society. Without their calming, cautionary influence, the rest of their civilization likely slipped further and deeper into depravity.<br />
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:{{topquote|Shaha Gaathon is one of the greatest of the servants of He Who We Do Not Name. He existed before the Great Enemy came. Since before the birth of his master, he has a terrible hatred for the eldar, and I believe, he wishes to use your people as a weapon against mine. There are futures waiting to be born in which the followers of the Emperor will turn on my people and destroy them utterly. There are timelines in which the eldar respond with our forbidden and ultimate weapons and both races are so dramatically weakened that Chaos overwhelms them.<br><br />
:''Your people are numberless as the grains of sand upon a beach. It does not matter how powerful our weapons are, you will eventually overwhelm us, for the Harbinger of the Lord of all Pleasures knows the location of all our hidden home-vessels.''|Farseer, ''William King''}}<br />
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Throughout the Eldar civilization, a profound degradation in moral discipline and a gradual slide into sensual excess commenced, undermining the foundations of the once-great Empire. With the rise of the cults of pleasure over the once-great ruling councils, worship of the Eldar gods declined, many even considered themselves to be gods in their own right; there are even pits near the entrances to the dark city into which the status of the gods were hurled, now thousands of years later they are buried under religious relics stolen from species from across the galaxy, just going to show the utter contempt that the [[Dark Eldar]] held towards their racial pantheon. We are told that most of the Pantheon could do nothing but watch events unfold with growing horror, Isha wept for her children, Khaine raged and the lord of the Eldar gods simply turned and walked away. As the quest for excess crossed into outright evil, a perverse new god began to stir in the Warp. That is not to say the Eldar at the time of the Fall were quite like the Dark Eldar. They were certainly similar but more like a hybrid of Dark Eldar and [[Eldar Corsair|Corsair]] in terms of personality and culture. The Dark Eldar became what they are due to a combination of desperation to stave off Slaanesh and naturally choosing to do so in ways they were most familiar with (i.e. torture and hedonism) cranked up to eleven even by their own standards (not that they didn't enjoy it).<br />
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As Eldar civilization became more and more excessive, it began to resemble the world of a [[FATAL|certain godawful assault on the dignity of the human creative impulse]], and the Eldar made a science and a cultural centerpiece out of indulging and refining every perverted sensual desire they had. As their race descended into mindless slaughter, lawlessness, depravity, and evil, little did they know that all of it was nourishing a new entity in the Warp. Some Eldar decided to forsake the ways of their kin and left to settle other planets at the fringes of the galaxy; this turned out to be a pretty smart move, since the planet-wide orgies and [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position|other assorted debauchery]] going on back home culminated psychically in a gargantuan Warp storm that resulted in the birth of the [[Chaos]] [[Chaos Gods|god]] [[Slaanesh]] and tore an enormous hole in the fabric of realspace that is now known as the [[Eye of Terror]]. This calamity also resulted in the deaths of most of the Eldar still on their homeworlds.<br />
[[Image:FalloftheEldar.jpg|thumb|left|500px|"At least we perfected time travel so we can go back and fix this... Wait, what do you mean you ''all'' gave that up and spent the last thousand years having sex instead? I swear, you guys!..."]]<br />
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The Eldar race are highly psychically gifted, and as the corruption spread [[/d/|the echoes of ecstasy and agony rippled through time and space]] and in the Warp the reflections of these intense experiences began to coalesce unknowingly into an unimaginably foul and sickening shadow of what the Eldar, their pride and their nobility had become, brought low by perversity and shamelessness. In the twilight years approaching the Birth of the Dark Prince the Eldar were riven with madness. Worlds burned as the Eldar slew and laughed and feasted upon the dead.<br />
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:{{topquote|Yet how mightier is Khorne than his delight-filled sibling! Oldest of Gods and greatest of warriors, Khorne’s armies stretch from infinity to infinity to infinity, and the pleasure God may not rival him. But this was not always so. For in the days when the Slaanesh, last born and most beautiful, strove for existence, his power waxed stronger than all gods, be they separate or together, and it seemed as though his spiteful triumph would destroy the balance in the Warp.|from Liber Chaotica - If you ever wondered why Slaanesh was able to consume the Eldar gods just after its birth, it’s because at its birth it was stronger then all the other gods of the Warp combined; the other three members of the Chaos pantheon secretly fear that he may eventually become so again.}}<br />
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[[Grimdark|Most of the Eldar gods were wiped out along with their race]]. The newborn Slaanesh, a creature without equal in perversion and heinousness, rampaged through the Warp, devouring everything Eldar that he/she/it/they could get its hands/tentacles/claws/many [[/d/|phallic appendages]] on. The gods who bit the big one were [[Asuryan]], [[Kurnous]], [[Lileath]], [[Morai-Heg]], and [[Vaul]]. The three that survived are the [[Cegorach|Laughing God, Cegorach]]; the shattered [[Khaine|God of War and Fire, Khaine]]; and the [[Isha|Goddess of Healing and Fertility, Isha]], also known as the Mother.<br />
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During this mass deicide, Khaine fought against Slaanesh and found himself evenly matched. Before a winner could be decided, however, [[Khorne]] appeared and declared Khaine his property. Whether this was due to the slight similarities in their names, or the fact that Khaine was another god of war is unknown. What is known is that Slaanesh refused, resulting in the first of the many regular beatings Khorne gives Slaanesh. ([[C.S. Goto|Which pleases him/her/it/them.]]) While Khorne was curb-stomping the proper order of things into his new compatriot's head, Khaine was [[Derp|shattered into many pieces and flung into the mortal realm]] (probably due to being used as a convenient club by Khorne to beat sense into Slaanesh's head). These shattered pieces of Khaine found their way to the Eldar [[Craftworlds]] and are now used to summon the [[Avatar of Khaine]] to fight for them (a fate very similar to the Burning One).<br />
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Cegorach famously ran from Slaanesh in a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnHmskwqCCQ very Benny Hill-like fashion] before Khaine showed up. It was at this point [[Troll|Cegorach told Khaine "you got this" and fled to safety]]. Cegorach now spends all his time getting into [[Just As Planned|"Just As Planned"-]] competitions with the other dicks of the galaxy. The rest of his time is spent reading books in the [[Black Library]] and trolling [[Ahzek Ahriman|Ahriman]] by denying him entrance to it. He also usually plays [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]] with [[Tzeentch]], [[C'tan|the Deceiver]] and the [[Emperor]] once every week. It's not exactly known how three dimensions managed to contain that much dickery in a single location without imploding. The Warp did it.<br />
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The fertility goddess, Isha, was saved <s>from [[Slaanesh| the lusty Argonian maid</s>]] {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|'''''NO!!'''''}} by none other than [[Nurgle|Papa Nurgle]]. Isha now endures as [[Poxfulcrum|the test subject of Nurgle's plagues]] and as of the 6th edition Daemons codex is kept company by a small forest of the agonizingly petrified Seer souls of the one [[Craftworld#Lugganath|craftworld]] that believed she still existed/survived and that [[Derp|were supposedly her descendants]] (at this we should note that ALL Eldar are descendants of Isha). The disease that set them in that state, one capable of degrading [[Wraithbone]]—and divinely created versions of the stuff, no less—is mysteriously absent from any other lore. Her subsequent weeping was pathetic enough for one [[Death Guard]] [[Plague Marine]] who observed her plight to learn what pity was. Sleep tight, Life Mother. (You could also take the story allegorically, with the Eldar's life goddess, and thus their continued existence, tethered to the god of death and hopelessness.)<br />
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In mere moments the Eldar Empire that had ruled the stars for time immemorial imploded in spectacular fashion. The Eldar that remained were a broken race, who fell from undisputed mastery of the Galaxy to a people barely clinging to the precipice of existence. Those that escaped upon the Craftworlds suffered even further unforeseen consequences; where the fragments of Khaine landed and rooted, his rage and fury lashed out to the souls and minds of the Eldar, infecting them with a bloodlust that turned them upon each other. Craftworlds burned as Eldar fought Eldar. Driven by their own maddening grief and the impulses of a shattered god, the Eldar tore themselves apart, until the [[Phoenix Lords]] introduced the Path system, enabling Eldar to at least regain mastery over themselves.<br />
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:{{topquote|No! We shall not be enslaved by gods or ourselves again.|Jain Zar}}<br />
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The Eldar present in the 41st millennium are the descendants of those who left to settle other planets or are the mercantile group that travelled around in their enormous ships called [[Craftworld]]s. They are dedicated to their fight against the forces of Chaos spawned by the folly of their ancestors. They are extremely long-lived; the average Eldar has a natural lifespan of at least a thousand years, and the most powerful of their psykers can survive to be tens of thousands of years old. Most Eldar die in battle while still in their prime, and their population continues to dwindle. So [[grimdark]]. The Craftworld Eldar are now mostly focused on using their collective deceased souls, interred in each craftworld's [[Infinity Circuit]], to birth a new god into the Warp, [[Ynnead]], whom they hope will be powerful enough to destroy Slaanesh once and for all and save the Eldar race. The [[Dark Eldar]] are those who have continued to embrace the vices that led to the destruction of the Eldar Empire; they still exist largely in the state in which the Empire left off. Other Eldar, like the Corsairs (see below) and the [[Exodite]] Eldar (the ones living on fringe planets unaffected by the cataclysms of the Fall) are somewhere in between ideologically. The [[Harlequins]], yet another sub-group, devote themselves to preserving what they can of their pre-Fall history via plays and oral tradition, minimizing chances of successful communication. They also act as respected diplomatic intermediaries between the other factions of remaining Eldar in the 41st millennium. And last but not least, there are the [[Ynnari]], who get all the spotlight [[Warhammer 40,000 8th edition|these days]].<br />
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In humanity the Eldar see history repeating itself and fear the bitter destiny that they will reap and know that they no longer possess the strength to prevent it. <br />
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Which is strange, because in the [[Grimdark]] of the 42nd Millenium, humanity [[daemonhunters|isn’t partying.]] [[Witch Hunters|At all.]] The Eldar should be less concerned about projecting their failures on others and more concerned with what happens when humanity awakens as a psychic species. Human psykers can be powerful, but incredibly vulnerable to being overwhelmed/corrupted by the Warp. A very, ''very'' bad combination; now imagine quadrillions of them, which is essentially exactly what they mean by humanity walking the same dark path as the ancient Eldar. It's not supposed to be taken as an exact one for one scenario, but the idea that although the scenery may change the path remains the same. In interviews with members of The Black Library team, they tried to clear up some misunderstandings; it's not that humanity (on an individual level) will become that notably powerful upon becoming a full-blown psychic race, but more that the sheer number of them will be the problem. Humans are highly corruptible and although they can be powerful, they simply do not have the ability to handle it well (there are the odd one or two, but we are looking at humans as a whole). Humanity in 40k exist in unimaginable numbers, spread across the entire galaxy; if they were to become a psychic race, every one of them will become an unprotected gateway for the Warp, and all that exists within. Humanity's psychic awakening will see a new 'Eye of Terror' style event occur, but due to how humanity now exist across the entire galaxy, so will this new cataclysm. The galaxy will be drowned by a galaxy spanning Eye of Terror, and the time of the [[Rhana Dandra]] will begin.<br />
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This isn't even considering that Slaanesh did indeed orchestrate its own birth, deliberately bringing about the 10,000 years of slow decline that saw the Eldar delve into truly horrific hedonism, that saw the Dark Prince hijack Ynnead's birth, who was supposed to be born from the Eldar. Like the Eldar, Humanity has spent around 10,000 years flooding the Warp with - instead of pleasure and pain like the Eldar - suffering, hatred and all those other lovely emotions so prevalent within the imperium of man. whose to say that humanity won't suffer a similar fate? You may be expecting the Emperor to burst forth into a divine being, but what happens if the negative emotions humans have pumped out during these past 10,000 years were to result in humanity giving birth to something else, a new dark god, a twisted warped version of the Emperor just like Slaanesh is a twisted version of Ynnead.<br />
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This of course may not be where [[GW]] chooses to go, but it's worth consideration.<br />
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As the [[Time of Ending]] approaches the remaining Eldar must contend with a galaxy that is no longer theirs. In the bloody wake of the Fall, the race of Mankind has grown to preeminence. The Imperium has ascended, conquering much of the galaxy in the name of the [[God-Emperor of Mankind| corpse-god]] it calls Emperor. The Aeldari, whose maturation patterns span nearly a century, cannot compete in numbers with a race whose generations multiply with the frantic pace of vermin. In their weakened state, the Eldar have watched as the Imperium’s uncompromising hatred, hunger for power and constant wars have created rich fodder that only functions to swell the [[Gods of Chaos|Dark Gods]]’ power and ripens the galaxy for conquest by the forces of Chaos.<br />
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Of course, if the Eldar had perhaps intervened to deal with literally everyone trying to kill or enslave humanity, this wouldn't have been a problem as the Imperium wouldn't have had to fight for survival against everyone for ten thousand years and wouldn't have grown to hate everyone for trying to murderize them for merely existing. The Eldar were kind of busy with their own problems during this time, like the slow corruption eating away at the core of their race and the small event that saw their near complete extinction, and the fallout that occurred in its wake. The Eldar first encountered humanity in the short period of time between M18 and M22; M18 when humanity first started using the Warp to travel, too M22 when humanity was already collapsing. The Eldar aren't responsible for the wellbeing of humanity, and although we do have examples of Eldar indeed helping out, even against their own kind (as seen during the Heresy) they have no responsibility to do so. M18 is when the cults of pleasure began to spread across the Eldar Dominion, running roughshod over the warnings of their own kind who warned of the dangers that such a path might lead. By the time humanity was being assailed during the age of strife the Eldar were essentially at war with themselves over the very soul of their race; even after Humanity's complete collapse the Eldar Dominion would continue too fall further into hedonism, so they were a bit preoccupied. After the Fall and the soon to be rise of the Imperium the Eldar that remained were a broken and shattered species, a spent force in the galaxy, trying to pull themselves together in a desperate attempt to survive. They would go through a turbulent period of adjustment in the wake of the collapse of everything they had ever known, and the near extinction of their entire species; they neither had the time or the inclination to pay much attention to the going's on, and worries of someone else. Then after they had entered into a more stable period, the Great Crusade came a knocking, bringing with it even more death and sorrow. Why the hell would they feel any need to offer help to Humanity, when humans have proven themselves all to willing to show nothing but hate and violence to anyone different to themselves (some did anyway, and got a bolter to the face for their trouble)? The period of the Fall may have played an unintended but significant roll in the collapse of the DAOT, but it is Humanity's choices in the aftermath that have led them down the path that they now walk. (why is it that it's only when they help humans that they are considered "good", surely it's time that that the Imperium started helping out for a change).<br />
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To add to the above point, the Imperium currently stands as the single most powerful force in the setting. As much as GW want to pretend that the forces of the Imperium are the plucky underdogs, fighting against impossible odds, it simply isn't true; the Imperium holds more territory then anyone else and has numbers that put the Orks to shame, the best and most powerful warriors, armour and weapons, <s>and now has more powerful psyches then the Eldar and apparently tech that may even surpass the Necrons</s>. Farseers are still more powerful than librarians, it's just that they are less of them and secondly Necrons have the Celestial Orrery, the Imperium doesn't have shit on that, all in all there really isn't any area that the Imperium isn't just simply better then all the other factions (the Imperium's new faith based powers for example are just a superior version of the Orks belief abilities), according to the current GW writers. Whenever we see the Imperium fighting someone we are actually seeing the Imperium punching downwards, it's actually the other side who are the underdogs in these fights. The idea that everyone should simply forgive the most powerful and dominant power in the setting its many, many transgressions and stop being "mean" to it is just laughable; given their position of power it is the Imperium who should be the ones who should be seeking to mend bridges and aid those weaker then themselves (they might actually make some allies), instead of expecting all the other factions to just drop everything and hand everything over to the "poor" Imperium.<br />
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This all comes down to poor narrative story telling on GW's part, as it robs any feelings of sympathy towards the Imperium (you're really not supposed to, but still), instead of watching the Imperium heroically fighting against overwhelming odds, GW have turned the Imperium into what is essentially a school yard bully, who picks on the weaker kids, beats them up and steals their lunch money, but expects everyone to feel sorry for them when one of their victims dares to fight back.<br />
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Not only Chaos but the Imperium’s blind aggression has also contributed to the rise of the Ork threat -- Mankind fails to realise that they only strengthen the Orks with every *direct* conflict they engage them in. Many Eldar fear that their numbers are now too large for even the most protracted cull to have any real effect, and should the Ork hordes unite their efforts, all the artifice and cunning of the Aeldari would not be enough to stop them drowning the galaxy in blood. To a point, at least. The Imperium is fully aware of how Orks spread and cleanses the areas tainted by their spores. Help from a species with the ability to purge worlds entirely of Ork spores would be appreciated but they prefer to sit back and watch while telling the humans how important it is to destroy the spores instead of actually helping with that; which is essentially what happened during the union of Biel-tan and Iyanden, that saw them cleanse massive areas of the galaxy of Orks before Iyanden grew uncomfortable with Biel-tan's increasingly extreme behaviour, and although the Eldar do perform controlled cullings in an attempt to limit the might of the green menace they don't really have any motive in preventing Orks and humans killing each other.<br />
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With the Eldar now a mere shadow of their former might, old and new foes alike are now stepping forward to stake their claim; like sharks drawn by the smell of blood they move to take advantage of the Galaxy's former masters' demise. From the terror of the emerging Tyranid fleets, to the young dynamic T’au in the east (who offered friendship a while back but were laughed off) - to speak nothing of the Necrons, ancient enemies of the Aeldari whose lords are eager to renew their war against their much-diminished rivals - the few Eldar that remain find themselves beset on all sides by those that would see every single one of them dead. Perhaps if they hadn't spent their entire existence making enemies of absolutely everyone that wouldn't have happened.<br />
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Not since the days of the Fall have the Aeldari been so fragmented and assailed, and for those who yet survive, war remains their only hope. While their many foes lack the technology, wisdom and skill of the Children of the Stars, in numbers alone they seem insurmountable. Yet the Aeldari are a proud race, determined that the flame of their people will blaze brightly once more rather than flicker and die out.<br />
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*Between the final act of the Fall and the time of the Horus Heresy there is a period of time, roughly around 300-500 years (200 years for the [[Great Crusade]] + however long the [[Unification Wars]] took + a bit of buffer time between the Fall and the [[Emperor]] making his initial move), in which the Eldar would eventually pull themselves into something similar to how they appear in modern 40k; Aspect Shrines, although new, were now firmly established ( they originally did not have an Exarch leading the shrines, they would be an unforeseen consequence of the Warrior Path), and the young seer known as Eldrad would have bought about the Path of the Seer as we now recognise it (Eldrad, if he was born just before or after the Birth of the Dark Prince, would have been in his late teens, early twenties (by Eldar standards) by the end of the Horus Heresy).<br />
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===The Eldar Paths===<br />
[[Image:Eldar.jpg|thumb|260px|left|TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERFUCKER!]]<br />
After the fall of their race, and apart from the potential to have their souls eaten by [[Slaanesh|a crazed demonic rapist masturbating furiously in the Warp]], the Eldar realized most of their population had also been cursed with hyper-sensitivity and super-reflection in the Warp. This new curse was adapted into the [[Paths of the Eldar]], their equivalent to careers. The creator of this system was the [[Phoenix Lord]] [[Asurmen]], first of the Asurya, who devised the Paths whilst training the first of his pupils, [[Jain Zar]], earning him the ire of Slaanesh who perceived him as leading the Eldar astray from his/her/its [[Rape|embrace]].<br />
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If they wish to, the Eldar can spend hundreds of years dedicated to perfecting their fry cook job at Space Elf Wendy's, then move on to the next occupation that takes their fancy. Why do they focus on one thing? Because branching out might be "[[Slaanesh|excess]]", so instead they strive for perfection in a single discipline. Which is [[Derp|pretty stupid]], as "perfection" is ''also'' part of Slaanesh's portfolio (although this is misleading, and a very mistakenly literal take on the "perfection" the Eldar strive for - the Path system enforces strict discipline to those who could no longer be trusted to control themselves in the presence of free will; perfecting a Path for them isn't the same as [[Fulgrim|Fulgrim]] striving for ''total'' perfection in ''every'' aspect of his life; rather, the Craftworld Eldar have given up a life of unlimited freedom in favor of a life strictly regimented and based around discipline and complete self-control. If you're hyper-focusing on one specific thing for three hundred years, you can't be focusing on ''all of the other things'' at the same time. This is, of course, ''not'' in line with the way Slaanesh does things. Also, you could say being that focused, they're working so hard, they can't take pleasure in this perfection. It might be better to say the Eldar follow a strict living style in a skill and perfection of that skill is simply a natural result, not a goal or intent). As you would expect from a universe where [[Grimdark|an entire race can be wiped out by the birth of a single sick piece of Warp meat]], the two most prevalent paths are the Path of the Seer and the Path of the Warrior, or The Path of the [[Eldrad|Dick]] and The Path of Everyone Else. The [[Aspect Warriors|Path of the Warrior]] includes exotically-titled job opportunities like being a [[Warp Spiders|Warp Spider]], a [[Howling Banshee]], or a [[Fire Dragons|Fire Dragon]], all of which involve the applicant donning some form of [[Gay|flamboyant drag attire]] and out-trending the enemy (see left). Also, they will occasionally shoot and/or impale things with deadly proficiency. The Path of the Seer includes jobs for potential [[Warlock|Warlocks]] and [[Seer Council|Seers]]. The few Eldar without ADHD who follow the Path of the Warrior or the Seer will eventually become an [[Exarch]] or [[Farseer]]. Of course, the Paths of the Eldar are not limited to the Seer and the Warrior; Someone has to fill the revered positions in the Path of the [[The Toilets of the 41st Millennium|Toilet Cleaner]]. Let's not forget the Path of the [[Rage|Angry]] [[Neckbeards|Gamer]] and the Path of the [[Craftworld]] Drunk, either.<br />
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The Path system governs every aspect of Craftworld life, enabling the Eldar to harness their emotional and intellectual intensity safely without jeopardizing themselves or those around them. It also provides them a form of self-reflection, allowing them to examine aspects of themselves both good and bad. This then allows them to develop mentally and spiritually: for example an Eldar may walk the path of the sculptor but realize that they have become too focused upon the task at hand and seek out a more abstract path such as the path of the dreamer, or they may wish to focus down a different artistic path such as the musician. Each path adds upon the paths that they have walked before and so add to the sort of person the Eldar is becoming.<br />
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After the Fall, among the most important paths to emerge were the Witch Paths; those who find themselves walking these very long and dangerous paths are more commonly known as seers. There is no force in the galaxy that can weave the skeins of fate and manipulate the future like the Aeldari and their Farseers are famous (or infamous depending on were you stand) for doing just that. The Farseers are similar to their counterparts the Exarchs among the shrines of Khaine, in that they have become lost upon their chosen path and can no longer leave. Since the time of the Fall, and more importantly the actions of [[Eldrad Ulthran]], the Path of the Seer has been refined into a precious tool that can be used in reshaping the Skeins of fate to bring about a more favourable future for their kind. The Skein that the Seers follow and reshape is like a cobweb of interlinking and crossing threads making up a tapestry showing the present, future and past of the galaxy and everyone in it. Not all seers are equal however, and although the destination may be fixed the journey can always throw up some nasty surprises. In order to avoid the possibility of missing something vital and avoiding any possible hidden trip hazards Farseers rarely act on their own (it normally doesn't end well for those that do); instead they will consult with a seer council who will then examine these possible threads and determine what course of action, if any, should be taken. With multiple Farseers interpreting and examining the possible outcomes they can explore the myriad skeins of the past, present and future, allowing them to follow countless threads and studying the consequences of the smallest deviation so as to better guide their people. However due to the shattered and splintered nature of their race, Seer councils from different Craftworlds may have different goals in mind and may find themselves competing against each other to bring about different outcomes. These can often result in shadow wars fought not by the Craftworlds themselves but by proxy forces, manipulated unknowingly into acting on their benefactors' behalf. However, the Eldar tend to forget that just because you foresaw something one second [[Not as planned|doesn’t mean the future has not changed the next second]]. This often leads to their downfall in stories.<br />
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To understand how Farseers work, you have to understand what the Weave of Fate is. <br />
Think of it like the tapestry woven by the Fates in our own mythology, it is a representation of the past, present and future, with each individual that has and will ever exist being part of the pattern. Every being in existence has a thread that is woven into the weave, its path crisscrossing and mingling with countless others, changing and redirecting the flow of fate. Some threads have little impact, their threads pale and thin, while others shine bright and strong against the countless destinies interwoven within the Weave of Fate.<br />
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It is this Weave that Farseers interact with, moving their consciousness outside of time to travel the many different threads before them. A farseer will follow many threads as far as they are able to see. Even in the heat of battle a Farseer will travel back and forth along the threads of fate, changing, cutting and reshaping the course of the threads, playing out many different scenarios until they have discovered the path they believe to be the most beneficial. For example a Farseer may walk a particular thread that sees them witness a wall collapsing, allowing an Ork war host to surprise a Dire Avenger squad: The Farseer could if they choose to return along the thread back to the present, allowing them to forewarn the Dire Avengers; the wall will still collapse but this time it's the Orks who are turned into a fine red mist. The Runes act as anchor points and navigating tools, much like sailors using the stars to navigate; the more Runes a Seer can wield the better.<br />
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The actions taken by Farseers can often seem random, with seemingly no immediate impact, but it is not the now or even the immediate future that most interests the Seers of the Eldar. There may be a case that in a few hundred years’ time a mighty [[Chaos Lord]] will rise to prominence on an Imperial world, who would then lead a violent crusade that will see untold billions slaughtered, or worse. However by creating a scenario through the actions of a Faseer, in which that individual is never born (this can be achieved in many different ways besides killing, such as changing the fate of one or both parents so that they never meet) will remove that thread from the Weave. Most of the greatest achievements of the Seers of the Eldar will never be known, for they have already prevented whatever disaster was to befall them before it started. As long as the Seers are doing their job properly then no news is good news.<br />
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Of course not all Seers are created equal, and many an inexperienced Seer has fucked up at least once; for instance as the young seer from the ‘Path of the Eldar’ series discovered to her horror, being so certain that she was right she ignored the advice and insights of her peers and went off on her own, inadvertently bringing into being the very future she wished to prevent. Many Seers have very different ideas as to what they would consider an ideal future; a seer from Biel-tan will have very different priorities from a Seer from Ulthwe for example, which is why the most important decisions will be decided by a Seer Council rather than an individual.<br />
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It is also possible for entities of sufficient enough power such as Slaanesh and Tzeentch to obscure elements of the Weave, hiding things that they wish to remain hidden; there is a reason why [[Fulgrim|Fulgrim’s]] fate was hidden. Eldrad himself upon meeting the Primarch realised that he was unable to read Fulgrim’s thread, as the Dark Princes was interfering directly. The [[Hive Mind]] and the Shadow in the Warp can also interfere with a Seer's ability to read the Weave, and Items such as the Necron device in ‘Priests of Mars’ made reading the threads of fate almost impossible, as it was tearing the Weave apart to the point that existence itself was about to collapse into nothingness. Phoenix Lords such as Jain Zar have proven themselves capable of reshaping the weave; a very young Eldrad is amazed at the fact that no matter how he tried to read the threads of fate, they would always reshape themselves around the wishes of the Phoenix Lord, and when the Phoenix Lord was deciding on what course of action to take, the entire weave froze in place as if waiting for the orders of its master; this may be due to the fact that the [[Howling Banshee|Banshee]] Aspect is related to the Crone Goddess, who is essentially fate incarnate.<br />
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The galaxy is in chaos and it is not always possible to prevent every horror that awaits. Sometimes no matter what you do, some things are simply unavoidable (although they can be shifted a bit further along the path). Sometimes to prevent a major disaster that will come to pass, a smaller cost must be paid, even if that cost may seems meaningless to those who cannot see the effects such actions will have upon the future.<br />
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===War Mask===<br />
To understand the Eldar at War it is important to understand the existence of the War Mask. The galaxy of the 40th/41st millennium is a dark and violent place, where not fighting means death (or worse); would this was not the case, but for the Eldar the call of Khaine comes with even greater and greater frequency as the galaxy continues to grow darker.<br />
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The War Mask is not a physical thing, but a way of separating their normal self from their war-self by mentally creating a mask, or mental construct, that takes the form of an artificial alternate personality, essentially creating an alternate version of themselves that can be worn or discarded when needed; this alternate self will even take upon itself a new name.<br />
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It is within the Shrines of Khaine that an Eldar will, under the guidance of the shrine's exarch, learn to create their War Mask. Before a battle an Eldar will enter their warrior shrine where they will perform the ritualistic donning of their Armour; each piece of Armour in place strengthens their War Mask until who they were is safely hidden away behind their alternate self, essentially entering a dormant/hibernation-like state as their War-self now stands in their place. This War-self is able to perform the truly horrific acts that the galaxy calls upon them to perform as all emotions that might cause their blades to falter, such as empathy or kindness, are locked away; what stands in their place is a cold-blooded sociopathic killer, a warrior of the god of war and murder who will perform any terrible act they are called upon to do. An Eldar could be the most kind and gentle being in the galaxy but upon wearing their War Mask they become a heartless, ruthless, fearless killers; most people outside of the Craftworlds will have little if any experience of Eldar that are not currently wearing their War Mask, which adds to how they are viewed by the greater galaxy.<br />
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Eldar Guardians are usually provided a temporary War Mask by a seer before they enter battle. Storm Guardians are made up of those who have already walked the path of the warrior and have their own Mask already.<br />
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When the bloody work is done an Eldar will remove their War Mask, returning to their normal self without any memories of any atrocities that they may have had to perform as they are now safely locked away within their War Mask (although it is known for Eldar to weep upon removing their War Mask without knowing the reason why).<br />
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In this way the Eldar turn the bloody work of Khaine into a tool that can be wielded or put away at will without losing themselves to Khaine's dark influence once the fighting is done.<br />
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Exarchs are those Eldar that find that they can no longer separate themselves from war, having lost themselves along the Path of the Warrior. These individuals are held in equal parts awe and revulsion by the rest of the Eldar population, for their souls now belong to Khaine. Their souls will no longer join with the rest in the infinity circuit; rather their own Armour acts as a small self-isolated circuit, containing all the souls of its previous owners (they essentially merge together to create a stronger whole; even when not wearing the Armour itself they remain as a single consciousness). If the Armour is destroyed it will be reformed within their Shrine (in a similar way as the Avatars of Khaine), waiting for the next one to wear it; if the shrine itself is destroyed then the Exarch can be housed within a [[Wraithlord]], until the shrine and Armour are restored, making it very difficult to actually permanently kill an Exarch (this happens to the Fire Dragon Exarch that appears in 'Valedor'). Upon becoming lost upon the path, they will seek out an empty shrine for themselves and prepare to welcome those who seek them out. These individuals are not insane berserkers, but act as priests, guides and teachers to those who find themselves upon the warrior path (for whatever reason), as it is their role to help those that follow them achieve control over their dark impulses and find focus and balance within themselves, so that they too won't lose themselves to Khaine.<br />
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Outside of their shrines Exarchs hold no power over their Craftworld, and have no political power to influence the decisions made by the Craftwolrds leadership. Autarch's are the only warrior cast that holds any high position within the wider Craftworld society, and that only applies to the act of Warcraft. Eldar Autarch's are those Eldar who have walked the many different Paths of Khaine, and have not lost themselves; they have faced the darkness within themselves and have overcome it many times over. Having proven themselves more than capable of mastering themselves against Khaine's dark influence they now walk the path of Command and will now be responsible for leading the Craftworlds Warhosts. Depending on the Craftworld in question the courts of the Autarch's may hold greater or lesser influence over the direction a Craftworld chooses to go.<br />
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Outside of times of combat and war, the Eldar will put aside their Warmasks; the idea that someone who has lost themselves to Khaine would be then put in charge of the everyday goings-on of the Craftworld, or even worse their diplomatic relations would be a horrific notion upon most Craftworlds, as it would go against the very idea of the Path system itself.<br />
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===Technology and the Children of the Stars===<br />
For untold millennia the dominions of the Eldar ruled the stars, unopposed and unchallenged. Unfettered by the oppressive claim that Slaanesh holds over their immortal souls, their psychic might was matched only by their technological mastery.<br />
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No other race has ever replicated the Eldar’s unique approach to technology, nor have the Eldar taken learnings from the ‘primitive’ races that have inherited the galaxy. Eldar technology adheres closely to natural biological shapes and structures. To them, there is no real difference between technology and nature in the Eldar mind - they are a single process by which the Eldar imbue living things with function and functionality with life. The materials the Eldar use in their engineering are complex and varied ectoplastics that can be formed into solid shapes under psychic pressure. In some respects they are more like living tissue than inert substances, growing and reacting to their environment in a similar way to plants.<br />
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According to the Eldar section of the Warhammer 40,000 Compilation, the Eldar may have always been psychic, with their Psychic powers manifesting themselves into a variety of unusual talents. One such natural ability is referred to as psychomorphism by the human Xenobiologists of the Imperium. In crude terms, this gives every one of them the ability to psychically shape matter and create simple artefacts from raw materials.<br />
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By making use of psychokinesis and empathic telepathy they can influence the structure of growing matter. This empathic ability may have been particularly important during the early development of the Eldar race enabling them to promote the fruitfulness of edible crops and reshape the growth of trees to make simple shelters. The first Eldar villages and towns are supposed to have been living structures grown from trees, often covering many square miles and reaching high into the air.<br />
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Because of their psychic abilities, the Eldar race learned how to make and shape raw materials at a very early stage of cultural development. By means of their mental powers, they were able to refine minerals and shape the resulting metals and stones into whatever they wanted. Eldar technology has a very ancient history and the pace of its progress is closely tied to the slow evolutionary development of the race, which saw a steady growth in competence and knowledge over a very long period of time. The Eldar did not have a sudden sharp defining industrial phase such as the one's throughout human history, but rather a steady constant growth over countless millennia; their unique technology is entirely their own (if anyone tells you that they were simply handed their tech by the Old Ones, which has never been mention in the lore, then they don't actually know what they are talking about; the Warhammer 40,000 Compilation is the only source that goes into any detail on how the Eldar developed their tech - Page 36- this bit of misinformation needs to disappear once and for all. A bit of a history lesson, the origins of this particular headcanon began on fan forums during the first thirteenth black crusade campaign. During a discussion about the 'Priests of Mars' book, the theory was thrown out and unfortunately people began to believe it was actually 40k canon). In other words the level of traditional Eldar tech is heavily influenced by the Psychic skill level of the individual or individuals crafting it at the time. This is not great given Slaanesh's oppressive influence in 40k forcing them to curtail the use of their Psychic potential, forcing them to use the far safer but far more heavily controlled and focused Witch paths.<br />
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At their zenith nothing was beyond them; the worlds and stars of the galaxy were mere playthings to them, to be extinguished and rekindled on a whim. Surfing solar flares was a pleasant pastime, and their very dreams could be made manifest with but a simple wish; death itself was but an inconvenience as they had already outgrown the mundane notion of mortality. They strode the galaxy as gods, and in doing so brought about their own damnation. There was nothing left to strive for, for they could already do anything that their wonderful minds could conceive of. Even after their cataclysmic fall from grace and subsequent loss of most of their creations they are still one of the most technologically advanced races in the galaxy, only surpassed by the Necrons.<br />
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In the aftermath of Fall, the many fractured and shattered fragments of the Eldar race, alike in many respects, took deviating paths when it came to their approach to technology.<br />
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The Exodites saw the creeping corruption and abandoned the rotting core of their Empire. Eschewing the conveniences of technology almost entirely, they sought out a more humble and honest life through toil and hard work. They farm and herd their livestock and live an almost entirely nomadic lifestyle as their ancient ancestors once did.<br />
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The Craftworld Eldar have an odd relationship with their tech, in some ways mirroring that of the Imperium of Man. The Craftworlds as a whole maintain the fundamentals of their post-scarcity society but actively forbid the use of much of their more high-end and more dangerous technologies. They do not fear these technologies themselves but more so how such unbridled power might affect them; they are not just in a war for the survival of their race, but for the salvation of their very souls. They look upon what befell their ancestors and what their arrogance wrought, and denounce it; a life without struggle and self-restraint is but the first footstep down the road to damnation. They don’t go as far as their Exodite kin, and still encourage innovation such as the creation of the Vyper that was created by artisans of the Saim-Hann, or the creation of the armour and weapons used by the Aspect warriors after the creation of the Path system, but they still eschew most of the technologies that allowed their predecessors to grow complacent; unfortunately for them, that also means that they are deliberately making things more difficult for themselves. However, the Eldar of Craftworld Ybraesil are noted for their [[awesome| balls to the wall raids of Crone Worlds]] for spirit stones ''and'' wunderwaffen, so YMMV. It is worth keeping in mind that Craftworlds are trading Vessels; or as they are so dismissively referred to as "Cargo-haulers" by Pre-Fall Eldar. Comparing the Craftworlds to the Pre-Fall Eldar Dominion would be like comparing a seafaring Cargo ship to the might of the US, at the height of its power and influence. Well, sort of. Cargo ship or not, a Craftworld is nearly as large as a planet and seems to use compressed space technology/sorcery like a tardis. It's more like a super cargo ship invented by gypsies to live in and travel around in trading vast quantities of whatever to countless destinations forever. It was very much not a normal vessel even by pre-Fall standards. Still a trading vessel, though.<br />
*A good example would be: "The World of the Bloodied Sword" By Gav Thorpe that had an arsenal of forbidden weapons known as the Akliamor, hidden under the Palace of Tranquility on the planet Akliamor. Knowing that these [[Dark Matter]] doomsday weapons were no longer safe, the Eldar chose to destroy them so as to remove any chance of them ever being used again.<br />
*Units such as the [[Hemlock]] and the [[Wraithguard]] are used only in the most dire of circumstances, as their use requires the removal of souls from their resting place within the Infinity circuit, an act that the Craftworlders view as no better than grave robbing.<br />
*Ybraesil are going out of their way to hunt the crone worlds, for they hope to secure not only the Tears of Isha, but also ancient technologies and doomsday artefacts with which to tip the balance of fate, like the Corsairs, whose Dissonance Cannons are a mocked-together version of a weapon found on a Crone world that was capable of shattering reality itself.<br />
*Yme-loc has recently created a new and devastating weapon powered by the souls of the dead. It can scour entire continents of life in mere minutes, the souls of the living torn from their bodies by a vast ghost-storm.<br />
*Biel Tan are making use of a limited form of pre-fall tech within their [[Void Spinner]]s. The webs unleashed by these weapons are infused with what is essentially Wraithbone nano-bots, that were previously used to create life; if you're going to create a custom planet, you might as well create custom life forms to populate it. Biel Tan has reversed the concept, and now these wraith-bots erase all life that they come in contact with, even leaving the ground they land on devoid of all life; this is especially useful against Orks, as it also destroys their spores.<br />
*The Phoenix Lords books introduce weapons, that take the form of a piece of jewellery, that are keyed to wipe out a single form of life from a world (and we mean an entire world, not just one or two), whilst leaving all other life unharmed. Alongside these world cleansing devices, we are shown small personal shield devices that take the form of a piece of jewellery, such as a ring, brooch or necklace, that are powerful enough that it allowed them to surf, Silver surfer/Green Lantern style, on Solar Flares for fun; you could fire a Nova cannon at them and they wouldn't even care.<br />
*During the Jain Zar book, in the Phoenix Lords series, an Eldar is shown using a common piece of tech that takes the form of a ring. The way in which it is described sounds very similar to the Kara Kesh devices from the Stargate universe.<br />
*In the [[Blackstone Fortress]] series of stories a device called a Foryniomhu, or a Scourge was accidentally discovered. Normally placed into a ship, it was a contagious psychic weapon used to put down violent rebellions with the barest minimum effort on behalf of the Eldar. They would pop into a star system, activate the device that would release a single pulse, then leave. All those affected would become highly infectious to everyone around them, regardless of species, but wouldn't immediately show any symptoms; everyone affected would also become infectious. Within weeks their bodies would start to die rapidly, along with anyone else affected. Entire planets or even system wide civilisations would quickly collapse as the unstoppable psychic contagion spread unopposed. No one was immune to the contagion, nor was there any chance of a cure. Only a second pulse from the device could end the effects, and that would only happen when the Eldar were satisfied that any armed revolt had been quashed. This is not a biological plague but a psychic one (essentially magic) so its effect on AI is unknown, however anything with a psychic presence would be susceptible to the weapons effects. The device, ironically found on a ship called Isha's Lament, was destroyed in order to stop Chaos forces getting their hands on it: If they had it would have been an instant "I win" button for Chaos. Although deeply unpleasant, you could in theory (depending on how stubborn the opponent) put down a violent uprising with a very small loss of life; if they throw the towel quick enough you might not lose any.<br />
*During the Heresy the [[Iron Warriors]] and [[Emperor's Children]] legions end up activating the security system of a Eldar "shrine world", which unleashes a never ending swarm of intangible warriors made of smoke and light. These constructs wield weapons that bypass the armour of the Marines, phasing through armour as if it wasn't there, and leaving corpses without a single wound of any kind. Along with these spectral warriors marched large crystalline constructs, twice the height of a Marine, whose crystal bodies formed from the surrounding walls. Their limbs pulsed with energy that they unleashed from their hands in searing beams of power, and could tear apart tanks and fortifications with ease; if not for the ascension of Fulgrim both legions would have been wiped out.<br />
*On the Crone Worlds a device that takes the form of a publicly accessible console was found, whose function was to grant the "wishes" of the user, and make it into reality; Unfortunately the device was quickly discovered to be corrupted by the power of the Dark Prince. They had access to what is essentially artificial genies, without those pesky wish limitations or restrictions.<br />
*The Phoenix Lord books also reveal that the weapons and armour used by the Aspect shrines have their origin in the gladiatorial arenas that came into being as the Eldar Dominion descended into hedonism, as it was from these arenas that the original Phoenix Lords armed themselves in the wake of the Fall.<br />
*Craftworlds still make use of portable devices that can be carried around with the them, the same way you would a pocketknife. These devices can take many different forms, such as Phase crystals that allow the user to become intangible, Portable Webway Portals that can be used to open up a small temporary Webway tunnel from anywhere they want (this is especially effective when used on Jetbikes), and small crystals that turn into a glittering mist that infiltrate and override alien tech such as in 'Throne World' where a single one of these devices was able to override the technologies protecting the Golden Throne.<br />
*They make use of cosmetic devices such as a hairbrush that can change the style and colour of their hair instantly to what ever they feel like at the time. They can also change their skin colour with such devices as easily as you can change your socks (so yes darker skinned Eldar are very much a thing). You could in theory have Eldar in every colour of the rainbow if you really wanted.<br />
*During the Heresy [[John Grammaticus]] was given a pair of Eldar "scissors", that can cut through time and space (we're going full star vs the forces of evil here), that allowed him to appear near the ruins of [[Hive city|Ababa Hive]] on Terra during the [[Siege of Terra|Siege]]. (What the hell Eldrad, just handing out items that have the ability to cut through time and space like they're candy; what a dick).<br />
*Dire swords are a very interesting addition to the Eldar list of weapons. Created after the Fall, they make use of inhabited Soul Stones in their creation, but only certain stones are capable of being used. If a creature of the Warp attempts to consume a soul within a Spirit Stone and the soul manages to kick the demon out, then the soul becomes completely immune to their touch and is now lethal to the creatures of the Warp. When a creature is hit by a Dire Sword the soul within reaches out and destroys the soul of the opponent; they are weapons capable of coursing True Death to their opponent, be they demon or mortal.<br />
More cynical view could argue that they may have more similarities to dirty mon-keigh than they prefer to admit: namely, they also lost the technologies and/or psychic techiques required for creation or safe usage of these wonders. So, they may have stockpiles of these shiny toys, but if they were to use them, they might quickly run out, possibly also exploding in the process. As shown by the Fireheart, once the Craftworlds were able to get hold of one from the stockpiles of their Dark cousins they were able to replicate it without to much trouble, so depending on the level of the tech we are talking about it could dictate their ability to reproduce it.<br />
<br />
The [[Drukhari]] on the other hand still have access to much of what has been lost or hidden away by their cousins, but there are a number of reasons why they utilize such ancient technologies only rarely. Firstly, because of Slaanesh the Dark Eldar cannot function as a psychically sensitive society in the same way that other Eldar do. Therefore, after the Fall those who had made a home within the Webway and would later become known as the Drukhari were forced to completely redevelop and recreate their tech from the ground up using far more mundane and labour-intensive methods. As depraved and loathsome as they are, the Drukhari are a testament to the ingenuity and creativity of this ancient race; the weaponry manufactured within the [[Commoragh|Dark City]] is just as advanced as and infinitely more demented than those psychically grown upon the craftworlds.<br />
<br />
Though almost useless to them, the Drukhari very rarely trade items from their hidden, ancient hoards to their Craftworld cousins, and only then at exorbitant cost. Such artefacts include the Fireheart, which causes planets to turn themselves inside out: Valedor actually reveals the original purpose for the Fireheart was as an agricultural tool, used in the reshaping of worlds and the creation of customised solar systems, but could all too easily be turned into a tool of war. Other such artefacts from the days of the old Aeldari empire possess the power to kill stars, to suck the life force from worlds, and/or to exterminate whole races of sentient beings in mere moments. However, the Dark Eldar dare not use such artefacts openly for they would attract the violent displeasure of the Dark City at large should their existence become known.<br />
<br />
Consider that the Dark Eldar can make use of mirrors that transport those looking into them into the heart of the nearest sun. They can put Black Holes into small ornate boxes that can be carried around in a coat pocket. They can create pocket dimensions with ease, as with Khaine's Gate, where they simply threw up dimensions for the Daemons to run through, in order to stop them from entering the Dark city (this was a temporary fix until they could fix the problem properly). They are capable of turning their enemies into living wind chimes for their own amusement; they can also turn you into a ring or a fetching brooch, that is not only immortal and near indestructible, but also in constant soul destroying agony, all whilst you are still fully conscious and aware of every horrible thing that is happening to you (don't allow yourself to be taken alive). ''They can steal stars and planets.'' Therefore, a weapon that even the Dark Eldar would keep secret and refuse to employ must be horrifying indeed.<br />
<br />
In short, the Dark Eldar are tech-rich but psychically stunted, the Craftworld Eldar see the careless use and overreliance on such technologies as the road to damnation, and the Exodites will feed you to their pet t-rex if you offer them the use of a calculator.<br />
<br />
There is another thing to consider: though the [[Imperium]] fights these different factions on a semi-frequent basis, very rarely do they ever find themselves up against any of the true high end stuff; most conflicts according to GW normally go along the lines of [[Guardian|Eldar Guardians]] pointlessly firing upon terminators, doing no damage and suffering horrible casualties in return, which is just stupid when a handful of fire dragons or dark reapers will wipe them out with effortless ease (oh well, we can't have the poster boys actually go up against anything that might hurt them, now can we). Dark Eldar raids for example are more akin to rich kids going on safari (it's much more of a prestige thing, the more challenging the more they can boast to their mates/rivals/enemies when they get back) accompanied by disposable clones mostly armed with weapons ([[Splinter Weapons|splinter weapons]]) designed to immobilise their targets with agonising pain, rather than to kill (in their official description they are specifically referred to as hunting rifles); no point taking the herd species back to the Dark city if they are dead. However when ever one of the more powerful relics are rolled out there really isn't much anyone can do about it.<br />
<br />
===Not-So-Dying Race===<br />
You may have noticed that in most of the fluff the Eldar are described as a dying race. However, they've been slowly dying for the past 11,000 years, never seem to mind the heavy losses they take when they lose a battle, and for every one world lost there are a dozen more that pop up. The reason for this is that GW writers have different opinions on what the Eldar's "theme" is. [[Gav Thorpe]], who did most of their older fluff, views them as dying out, and only thinks there are a dozen craftworlds with a dozen million Eldar each. However, [[Phil Kelly]] thinks their theme is "holding on just barely and losses are only minor things, keeping the important stuff" and thinks there are hundreds of craftworlds, with the average housing a hundred million to half a billion Eldar. Humorously, [[Matt Ward]] seems to agree with Phil as the theme of his Iyanden book is definitely "rising through the ashes" (maybe Phil and Matt were sick of Eldar being treated as the galaxy's punching bag in 40K).<br />
<br />
What we're saying is: as with the other species, Craftworld Eldar do take the time to reproduce, but the open question is whether they're technically dying out or if they managed to keep a net population growth rate over the 12 millennia or so since Slaanesh came <s>into the picture</s>. If the former, [[Grimdark|an intelligent species is still paying the price for the nuttery of their forebears and will until they're totally extinct]]; if the latter, [[Grimdark|a bunch of racist assholes who hate you (yes, ''you'') are on the upswing]], though all possibility of a total comeback is about on the same level of probability as Nurgle taking an antibiotic bath. Between all the wars and the occasional disaster (like Kher-ys, Malan'tai, Idharae, Iyanden and Biel-tan), one would think the galaxy is waging a slow war of attrition on their species. Fluff describes them going either way (giggity).<br />
<br />
According to the 8th edition there are several factions of Eldar:<br />
{|align=center border="1" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0""<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|1. [[Elf|Aeldari]] (The Eldar race as a whole)<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Eldar-Aeldari.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Aeldari-dying race my arse]]<br />
<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|2. [[Exodites]] (Amish space elves that ride dinosaurs)<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Amish_space_elves.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Exodites-who needs advanced tech to get things done]]<br />
<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|3. [[Slaanesh|++REDACTED++]] cough'''CHAOS ELDAR'''cough<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Chaos-elves.jpg|thumb|right|150px|<s>Chaos Eldar</s>-Come join the dark side, we have <s>cookies</s> DAEMON HOOKERS]]<br />
<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|4. [[Craftworld|Asuryani]] (By comparison they can be considered the sensible Elves)<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Crafworld Farseer.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Craftworlds]]<br />
<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|5. Corsairs (Space elf pirates who love to have a good time)<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Eldar-corsairs.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Corsairs-Eldar but with more bling]]<br />
<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|6. [[Eldar Ranger|Outcasts]] (Rebellious young space elves who want to explore the galaxy)<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Outcasts.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Outcasts]]<br />
<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|7. [[Dark Eldar|Drukhari]] (Pray they don't take you alive)<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Incubi_Warrior.png|thumb|right|150px|Drukhari]]<br />
<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|8. [[Harlequins]] (Terrifying killer space clowns)<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Harleqin_master.png|thumb|right|150px|Harlequins]]<br />
<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|9. [[Ynnari]] (Followers of their new God of the Dead)<br />
|align=center|[[Image: The Ynnari.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The Ynnari trinity]]<br />
|-<br />
|}<br />
<br />
==Eldar Corsairs==<br />
[[Image:Eldar_corsairs.jpg|300px|left|thumb|Were Space Elves not enough for you? How about Space Elf Pirates?]]<br />
These guys pop up every so often, though whether they're technically a naval splinter group of the Craftworlds or a completely separate offshoot is still an open question. Most of them are Craftworlders living the Path of the Outcast, though considering Eldar can spend many years away from their Craftworld, many may have been born in deep space as natural-born Corsairs. These Eldar live on ships and space stations until they return to their home Craftworld (if they return at all), and often raid other species' space lanes for plunder, usually in the form of people. Part of the reason [[Imperium|Imperial]] commanders think Eldar are a random, inscrutable force in the galaxy is because they can't tell the difference between these guys, [[Dark Eldar]], or a Craftworld strike force. Confusing Corsairs and Craftworld ships could be forgiven, but your intel must be pretty fucked if you confuse those ships and the ones covered in blades and similar grotesque shit. (Alternate opinion: you forget that Eldar ships use holofields as their defences. When they are not looking like a garbage hauler, they will just be a blur to both the eye and Imperial sensors. Then you factor in that Eldar ship weapons will do very similar battle damage—dark or plasma lance, etc. It's impossible to tell the difference unless you're a Magos working for an [[Ordo Xenos]] inquisitor. Then you need to factor in that Corsairs and Harlequins use BOTH Craftworld and Dark Eldar ships. It would get very confusing, very fast.)<br />
<br />
The sequence goes:(in descending order)<br />
*Craftworld<br />
*Outcast - [[Eldar Ranger|Rangers]]; young rebellious Eldar who want to explore the wider galaxy. They also unofficially act as the Craftworlds eyes and ears, out in the wider galaxy. They are often active in war zones long before the Craftworlds Battle Hosts arrive, stealthily softening up the target and sabotaging their defences; there is a reason most Imperial commanders consider fighting Eldar akin to fighting ghosts.<br />
**Rangers can loss themselves along the path of the outcast, becoming what is called a Pathfinder.<br />
*Corsairs - Eldar who have tasted life outside of Craftworld society, and have decided that they like their freedom a lot more.<br />
*Dark Eldar - Corsairs who fall prey to the same weaknesses of their ancestors, will nearly always find their way to the Dark City.<br />
<br />
Craftworlds do not encourage their young to take up the Path of the outcast, instead they actively lament their choice to do so. Eldar generations are few and far between and losing even more of their young to the dangers of wanderlust only weakens them further; however they will not stop them if that is the path that they have chosen. They can only hope that they are able to survive out in the wild until their curiosity has been satisfied, and they come back home. Although most Craftworlds do not have much contact with Corsair fleets, others have formed close alliances with some of the more well know fleets, with a handful even becoming hubs of Corsair activity.<br />
<br />
The update to IA:11 (7th edition) added ways to play them and some nice fluff as well. The first paragraph states: "An Eldar Corsair is more akin to the Eldar before the Fall than those who now live upon the Craftworlds. Not for them are the highly disciplined paths trod by their Craftworld kin, although many may turn to them once their need to explore the galaxy has be satiated. That is, though, if they have not completely turned in their lot with their dark kin who dwell in the depths of [[Commorragh]]."<br />
<br />
The personalities and predilections of each Corsair and the fleets they belong to are harder to group together in comparison to Craftworld and Commorragh groups which, whilst diverse, ''mostly'' stick to the accepted behaviors of their respective societies. Some Eldar corsairs become [[Rage|bloodthirsty]] individuals who fall prey to the same weaknesses that led to the Fall. Yet others may display the greatest compassion for their defeated enemies. Eldar Corsairs can literally be anything they want, from nightmarish Jack the Rippers leaving bloody trails across the galaxy, to Robin Hood-like figures, charming rogues that steal from the rich and... keep it for themselves (they're nicer, not stupid). It says a great deal that the Eldar pirates are sometimes (often?) better people than all the other Eldar... and most members of any other species. They also lack the spirit stones the Craftworlders sport, so their souls are being chewed on by [[Slaanesh|She Who Thirsts]], and for them dying is a pretty shitty prospect. They get along well enough with both the Craftworlders and Dark Eldar, but aren't above kicking some space elf ass for vehicles or whatever. They generally have cool pirate hideouts all over the galaxy. Some even hang out with their [[Exodite|dino obsessed hillbilly cousins]]. Usually, corsairs carefully avoid pissing off the Imperium too much and make sure not to go after anything truly important, mostly because as long as they don't go overboard the Imperium would consider it more trouble than it's worth to send a task force of sufficient size after them. So, ''somehow'' a bunch of spoilt Eldar kids playing pirate for kicks is the closest thing to common sense in the setting. Wow.<br />
<br />
Some Corsairs might have spiritstones. But which one of their cut-throat "buddies" is gonna pick it up and carry it with them until the next time they get a chance to visit a Craftworld? Maybe to use as currency for a nice new [[Falcon]]!?<br />
<br />
The leaders of these piratical bands are dubbed [[Corsair Prince|Princes]] by the Imperium. Being Eldar and not diving off the deep end of excess is really hard without the strict stuff Craftworlders do. Princes do what they will and generally end up being obsessed with something, almost like choosing a Path that the Craftworlds do, but more self-serving and douchey. Seeing his resolve though keeps his underlings inspired and so they follow him because of sheer badassery.<br />
<br />
To give an idea to how influential and powerful a single Corsair prince can be, we can look at the example of the prince that, due to sheer boredom and curiosity, created a world where all manner of Xenos life (including none-Imperial humans) lived alongside each other peacefully. Due to the princes long life he was able to observe the whole thing as it grew from a small settlement, to a Planet wide civilisation; it could almost be called a utopia (he was basically playing the sims, but was actually trying to make things as good as possible for the inhabitants). This didn't last long after the imperium discovered the world, as they instantly went on a planet wide slaughter of every living being on its surface; the prince got away, but not before calling out the marines on their bullshit, and then taking part in some last minute trolling that left the marines very unhappy.<br />
<br />
The [[Void Dreamer]] is a very dangerous psyker in the Corsair ranks. They help navigate both the [[Webway]] ''and'' the Warp with Aethermancy, which is risky as hell when you are food item number one for a certain [[Slaanesh|warp entity]]. Though they haven't died from mismanagement of their talent, they don't have the protection the Craftworlder psykers get from strict practices and cool trinkets. This brightly burning power is a beacon in the dark for Slaanesh to focus on. In game this is represented by a unique Perils of the Warp table; the worst result is the psyker being claimed body and soul by Slaanesh and becoming a [[daemon]] of Slaanesh (presumably to kill all his Eldar buddies nearby).<br />
<br />
==Chaos Eldar== <br />
[[Image:Inquisiotr Bronislaw Czevak.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Inquisitor Czevak]]<br />
There was a time when Chaos Eldar existed.<br />
<br />
When the [[Eye of Terror]] consumed the heart of the Eldar Empire not all those that found themselves trapped ended up being consumed by the newly birthed god.<br />
<br />
How they survived is a mystery but it is likely that they either turned to one of the other ruinous powers for protection or they fully embraced Slaanesh like it wanted them to from the start; certain daemons have claimed that Slaanesh truly wants to be "loved" by its parents but upon its birth the Eldar had immediately turned their backs upon it and abandoned it (though daemons are liars and anyone who takes this without a grain of salt deserves what is coming to them)- so we can now add bad parenting to the Eldar list of dickishness (can you imagine how pissed off Slaanesh must be at seeing all the Eldar gushing over its new sibling).<br />
<br />
Chaos Eldar, whatever their allegiance, are servants of the Chaos Gods (the info given at the time claimed that they were among the most powerful and dangerous beings at the Gods' disposal; this is of course probably no longer the case, but could be used as a handy excuse to explain away their long absence, as they would be better used as assets within the Great Game rather then pawns battling it out within the material universe) but unfortunately disappeared almost completely from the fluff for a very long time. In recent novels however, such as Gav Thorpe's ''Jain Zar'', we are shown things like Eldar Hippies within the eye who seem to have some kind of hive mind and brainwash people into loving and serving Slaanesh, so they may make a resurgence in the newer fluff. Chaos Eldar are mentioned in the 8th edition.<br />
<br />
In the book ''Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider'', a [[daemon prince]] that's heavily implied to be of eldar origin emerges on the world of Agarimethea to combat the Ynnari and Necron forces present. A quick excerpt reads as such:<br />
<br />
: "The first thought was that a giant aeldari warrior had stepped from legend, a gold-armoured incarnation of Khaine perhaps. Though it stood many times Yvraine's height, the daemon possessed two legs, two arms and an enchanting but otherwise normal face beneath an ancient-styled helm crowned with curling thorn-barbed stems. Slender limbs were garbed in vambraces and greaves; a breastplate adorned with perverse runes of nightmare clasped a single-breasted chest."<br />
<br />
The potential model range could be really visually appealing; characters such as the nearly forgotten [[Dechala]] would be a great addition to any Slaanesh army.<br />
<br />
==The Black Library==<br />
[[Image: 4th ed-Everguard.jpg.jpg|thumb|right|200px|From the 4th ed codex-the Everguard are possibly an early design of the The White Seers]]<br />
:{{topquote|Though I have seen within the Black Library and spoken to its most terrible guardian, I can never reveal what happened there; not to any man nor even the Emperor himself for I am so forsworn to [[Old Ones|powers beyond your knowledge]]. I can only say that a time of inconceivable horror is about to begin. A time when mankind with all the might of the Imperium cannot endure when the strength of the Eldar fails. Even now, our doom stalks us across the stars.|[[Inquisitor]] [[Bronislaw Czevak|Czevak]] at the conclave of Har}}<br />
The [[Black Library]] is hidden within the secret depths of the Webway and is the repository of all of the Eldar races Eldritch Knowledge.<br />
<br />
It is probably the most well protected and best hidden of all the secrets of the Webway (although [[Ahriman|that one guy]] keeps on trying to peek through the windows before being told to "get the fuck off their lawn" by some very grumpy White Seers...and cegorach, with his really bad jokes.), holding priceless artifacts such as the only complete trans-dimensional map of the Webway and countless secrets beyond mortal understanding that have long since been forgotten.<br />
<br />
The Library is protected by terrifying Guardians of unknown origin that make even [[Greater Daemon|greater daemons]] empty their otherworldly bowls and by The White Seers who are Eldar seers that dress all in white and apparently eclipse their kin (Eldrad not included) in their psychic might. (Not that this is saying much considering what poor Psykers Farseers tend to be). It's a bit disappointing that if the Black Library does have these guards, that they seem to be missing from any recent stories; virtually no forces but those of the Harlequins and the Ynnari are seen fighting.<br />
<br />
The sentinels of the Black Library remain an unspoken secret, yet they are described as the most terrible of all the perils in the Webway and the most dreaded individuals among all of the Eldar kindreds (think of them as possibly the Eldar version of the [[Companion|Custodians]]). Seeing as a small group of Harlequins were capable of infiltrating the Imperial palace, getting as far as the doors to the throne room whilst killing dozens of custodians along the way, the thought that there might exist an even more elite group is scary indeed.<br />
<br />
Only a few chosen individuals are permitted entrance, including a handful of human Inquisitors of the [[Ordo Malleus]] who have allied themselves with the Eldar and their fight against the powers of Chaos. Weirdly enough, more humans than Eldar have been shown being admitted, with little to no known Eldar, not Phoenix Lords even, being shown to be allowed in; seeing as the only time we have ever visited the library is when we are following a human protagonist, that's not really surprising.<br />
<br />
The emergence of the [[Great Rift|Cicatrix Maledictum]] has damaged the Library, with whole sections falling away into the Warp and forcing the White Seers to seal parts of it away to prevent further contamination and damage.<br />
<br />
Strangely, despite being a repository of all knowledge on Chaos and methods through which to combat them, the Black Library itself has almost never provided anything useful at all. Other than the Rose of Isha, which [[Yvraine]] had to find herself, the Black Library has never actually assisted in the combating of Chaos in any significant manner at all. That said, most of said information is so corrupting in itself that [[Grey Knights|anyone who isn't totally pure]] is more likely to fall to Chaos than to fight it upon learning it, making questionable the purpose of the Library as it has barely ever yielded any useful information for anyone and even [[Eldrad]] has chosen to give over deadly Chaos Artifacts to the Imperium rather than surrender them to the White Seers, which either represents a strong indictment of their capabilities or, considering this is Eldrad we're talking about, is an enormous compliment of their skills. What a [[dick]].<br />
<br />
Overall, for the most part, the Black Library is fairly useless. Why Ahriman is so interested in it is an open question, seeing as he can already move through the Webway as effectively as any Eldar have been shown to do.<br />
<br />
*Jain Zar-The Storm of Silence shows the White Seers commanding archaic engines dedicated to the destruction of She Who Thirsts. Their arcane machines looked more like abstract works of art than weapons, but they sent out beams of coruscating power that disintegrated daemons with but a touch and scoured forth pulses of cleansing fire. It baffles the mind considering no one is supposed to read the library and the said weapons can annihilate demons with a pulse, the guardians aren't taking any more active role in the galaxy like some fantasy fiction guardian with no purpose.<br />
*We are also introduced to a nearly empty Library that has something called Guardians protecting it; they take the form of slender statues, each half again as tall as Asurmen, of smoke-grey silver metal. They were featureless, their faces slender inverted triangles with shallow depressions to denote where eyes would be. Their hands and feet were pointed blades that sparkled in the silvery light. The statues were impossibly balanced on bladed limbs, and although what they are capable of is not revealed, even the Phoenix Lords were subdued by their presence. The sole living Eldar still in the Library had no concern that the Phoenix lords would dare cause any trouble since the Guardians had allowed them access. They give off the same unnerving feeling that GORT from the 2008 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' remake does.<br />
*Gav Thorpe was asked about the nature of the [[Solitaire]]s, his response was "Within the Webway there are beings that are neither of the Warp or Realspace, that were created by the collapse of the Aeldari Empire. These beings are feared by mortal and demon alike. Examples of these beings are the Black Library Guardians and the souls of the solitaires". This may be something similar to the creation of the [[Mandrakes]]- survives of the Fall that have gone to extreme lengths in order to counter the effects of the birth of the dark prince.<br />
<br />
==Eldar-Human Hybrids==<br />
{{Heresy}}<br />
{{Oldschool}}<br />
[[File:Banshee.jpg|right|350px|thumb|Say what you want, but their women are hot as hell.]]<br />
According to Rogue Trader fluff which is a bit over three decades old (and has almost been entirely retconned out of existence), humans and Eldar once had a common ancestor (which doesn't make any sense since the Eldar as a race are far older than humanity, by at least 60 million years). There was a theory back in the day that both races were creations of the Old Ones (or the C'tan successfully made humans similar enough to the Eldar). This apparently made it possible for both races to interbreed and produce viable offspring. For example, it was said that [[Illiyan Nastase]], Chief Librarian Astropath of the Ultramarines, was part Eldar. This is of course [[HERESY]] and GW has, in a rare case of good judgment, rightfully chosen to ignore this character's existence. Illiyan Nastase would later be overwritten and replaced by a new Chief Librarian of the Ultramarines, [[Varro Tigurius]], in the more current fluff (likely because of his unusual affinity for psychic powers). In a surprise appearance a character sharing the same name features in Dawn of Fire: Gate of bones; the character is a Farseer chosen by Eldrad in order to travel and aid the Ultramarine's (apparently Eldrad has had a cordial working relationship with Guilliman even before his long stasis nap, alongside Vulkan, that's at least two Primarchs Eldrad is on good terms with currently).<br />
<br />
'Confirmed'' human/eldar hybrids no longer appear outside of fan works, such as the cute little bugger [[Lofn]] from the fan comic [[Love Can Bloom]].<br />
<br />
More recently the Black Library novel ''The Chapter's Due'' has as a minor character Kaarja Salombar the Corsair Queen. She's variously described as "... beautiful, with palm skin and warm almond shaped eyes of striking violet... there were some who said there was Eldar blood in her veins" and "... more than a hint of inhuman Eldar to her lithe frame, and a wild mane of azure hair flowing around her shoulders". She also bags at least a trio of Ultramarines and nearly slays [[Cato Sicarius]] before getting picked by the Ultramarines 2nd Company standard, which should make her a bit of a hero to the various Ward haters. It also makes clear she is no Eldar, as GW would never allow one of their big named Space Marines to nearly get beaten by an Eldar, nor would they ever show an Eldar being such a successful fighter. Like that time a few eldar slaughtered a bunch of Custodes in a mad rush to reach the Golden Throne and supposedly deliver a message to the emperor. Although, that is utterly unbelievable, so... (since when have the ultra-elite clowns with magic assistance been unable to put down a few bananas without a psyker among them? For shame!)<br />
<br />
As usual there is no "confirm or deny" about any unusual heritage for a character who existed in a single novel, no part of which was ever told from her perspective and who died without a single line of dialogue. [[Grimdark]].<br />
<br />
Nowadays if it was still possible for Eldar-Human hybrids to be born, they would be born in [[Commorragh]] (basically take the Scriptural cities Sodom and Gomorrah, all the worst aspects of 16th century Port Royal, 19th century Singapore, Las Vegas and Mos Eisley spaceport, and throw in extra helpings of pain, rape, scum, villainy and wretched hive-ness, and there ya go). What did you think the Dark Eldar used those slaves for, making pie or HERESY? (Both). The other options are, well like Kaarja Salombar above, among the Eldar Corsairs, pirates and outcasts. Bit like the Dark Eldar only with some standards.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, according to the [[Paths of the Eldar|Path of the Outcast]], Eldar have markedly heightened olfactory senses and given their infamous state of inflated self-regard for an Eldar to naturally create a hybrid that would be the equivalent of a human screwing a dog and then hoping for puppies. In either case the pregnant female would likely regard the impending pregnancy with at least incredible disgust or utter xenophobic horror. Said child would ''then'' be hated by Humans for being the incarnation of the idea of genetic impurity and likely shunned by any Eldar for being a "lesser" by nature. [[Grimdark]]. If you read the section directly below this one another bit of horror rears its head: Eldar need to combine their DNA several times over the course of a pregnancy for the baby to be brought to term. Fine and dandy if you are assuming a mutual relationship. Less so if you consider the [[Rape|alternative]].<br />
<br />
On the other hand, their sense of smell might filter out the worst of scents simply due to how keen it is (to keep them from distraction/insanity) and the appearance of humans might be seen as features that make men stand out as different from the eldar males’ universal appearance. Human women at least are indeed strongly attracted to those whose appearance sticks out, even when most men would think the features are a turn-off. This might even apply to scent in a caveman like way. And a civilian eldar might be more than a little impressed by the small, frail Guardsman who just beat a daemon to death with a knife and sheer absolute willpower attacking its Warp nature. Without a War Mask or decades/centuries of training.<br />
<br />
Naturally fa/tg/uys, being essentially romantics, see things in a less insistently hateful light, and Lofn, Liivi, and Taldeer manage to thrive. [[Noblebright]].<br />
<br />
==How alien is alien?==<br />
[[Image: Wych by miyaashina-db6s95v.jpg|thumb|right|200px|]]<br />
[[Image: Dark eldar guard.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Due to the atrophy of their psychic powers, the Dark Eldar tend to be physically stronger.]]<br />
<br />
:{{topquote|They were taller by far than most of the men present, and thin. Janus was reminded of the low gravity dwellers on Talus's Wheel - the thin, sickly ones too weak to move in anything like Earth-normal gee without an exo-skeleton - but when the strangers moved he put that thought aside. Not even the bulky cloaks could hide their grace. They did not so much walk as flow over to his table. Their movements had a liquid smoothness that was more cat than human, and put him in mind of a large predator. If a devilcat had taken on the shape of a man it might have moved like that. He was all but hypnotised by them as they flowed up to him. Suddenly they were just there, looming over him.|Farseer, ''William King''}}<br />
<br />
Pretty damn alien.<br />
<br />
Don't be fooled by their anthropomorphic appearances. Eldar may look like unnaturally tall and slender humans at first glance, but are actually entirely alien. (Look, just go with it. -GW)<br />
<br />
* The Eldar are similar to humans in body structure: they have a torso, two arms, two legs and a head upon their shoulders. They are tall, standing around 2 meters (6-7 feet) in height with longer, leaner limbs and elegant features with penetrating, almond-shaped eyes and pointy ears. [[Macha]] the Farseer from the [[Dawn of War]] series has a canon height of 2.20 meters.<br />
* Eldar have an entirely different natural gait from humans. Their movements radiate an inhuman elegance and an almost feline-like grace. This is evident in their fighting styles and the dexterity with which they wield their weaponry.<br />
* Eldar senses of sight, hearing, touch and smell are many times greater then that of a human.<br />
* Eldar are extremely long-lived; their average lifespan is over a thousand years. Eldar psykers, particularly Farseers, can live even longer. ([[Eldrad|Eldrad Ulthran]] is 10,000 years old and still going, although he is turning into living crystal) and [[Asdrubael Vect]] is older than [[Slaanesh]].<br />
* Eldar may develop some fine lines and wrinkles as they get older, but they do not become decrepit the way humans do.<br />
* They live at a pace and pitch of intensity many times greater than even the most exceptional humans.<br />
* Their hearts beat almost twice as fast as a humans though half as strong each beat, their minds process thoughts and emotions with baffling speed, and their physical reactions are almost too fast for the human eye to follow.<br />
* All Eldar can manipulate mental energies, but such raw mental power has its price. To an Eldar, all of life's experiences are available to a heightened degree: the intellectual rewards of study, the exhilaration of battle, and every imaginable pleasure or sensation. This potential for joy is paralleled by an equal capacity to feel despair, anger and even hate (which is what their War Masks are for). No creature, not even the Eldar, can taste such rich fruits in an [[Slaanesh|uncontrolled or undisciplined]] way without [[Fall of the Eldar|consequence.]]<br />
*The Eldar experience a much wider spectrum of emotion then humans do, they can still feel mildly amused or frustrated the same way a human would but when it comes to the upper limits of what a human can feel, the Eldar emotional scale goes even further. Imagine the saddest moment of your life, the most miserable and wretched you have ever felt, then double it.<br />
*Eldar are able to experience the world in a very different way to humans; not only are their regular senses, such as sight, smell and hearing many time stronger then humans, but they also have additional senses, much as a shark can see electric fields. The Harlequin in Throne World for example is able feel the memories of the dead forests that had been carved into the dusty furniture within the palace, and the sickness of the world itself; the Eldar in question is disgusted by how horribly the population of the world have treated their mother planet (bloody hippies).<br />
* Eldar skulls demonstrate unusual bone texture and their teeth are outgrowths of the jawbone.<br />
* Eldar bones are far lighter than human bones. The texture and formation suggest solidification from some form of liquid. Complex joints and 'fused' portions retain flexibility and durability (some form of organic resin). There is no marrow analogue but the internal cavities are packed with fibrous channels of unknown purpose (possibly delivery of free-moving lymph glands).<br />
* Their ear tips are packed with nerve-endings and are [[An Eldar's Ears|erogenous zones.]]<br />
* Their skeletal structure is densely packed with a muscle-like analogue with fibres that have a spiral structure similar to a coiled spring. These muscles surround the complex columns of intermeshed segments; the entire structure suggests enormous elasticity and tolerance to movement. This physiology supports high-speed manoeuvrability.<br />
* These 'muscles' are tightly packed and are more effective than the muscle fibres found in humans. Although they may not bulk up in the same way as humans, they are actually physically stronger pound for pound than humans.<br />
* They have no body fat or analogue. (It doesn't seem to stop the females from having breasts though. Guess they really are superior beings).<br />
* According to FFG in Deathwatch: Rites of Battle, a close to 7ft tall, fully armored Eldar warrior tips the scale at about 60kg or 132.277 pounds; the same weight as a 5'7" human.<br />
* Their ribs form fused 'wings' arching from an elasticated spine.<br />
* They possess a flexible bony 'plate' like a second ribcage beneath the abdominal muscles.<br />
* Their inner organs are vaguely human analogues, but they demonstrate a complexity and aesthetic 'tidiness' that is just unnatural. They have pulmonary muscles that work like a human's lungs with temperature regulators (twelve, along each internal wall) and detached lymph-glands (free moving?).<br />
* Their digestive and renal systems are just as complex as their other organs. There is no peristalsis, chemical enzymes or digestive fluids (it is unknown how digestion takes place). Waste seems 'crystalized' and is odourless (yes, we're not making this up, they actually shit diamonds).<br />
* Eldar conception occurs over an extended period of time and requires additional genetic material from the partner or partners at preordained stages throughout gestation (there is no chance of a baby from a one night-stand).<br />
* The Eldar brain has multiple lobes, extreme density of cerebral matter, various unknown ganglia and central ridged organs. The fundamental structure of their brains resembles humans' but are far more complex and have additional layers of an unknown composition (stratum).<br />
* Eldar DNA has a quintuple helix structure (instead of a human's double) and twenty chemical bases instead of humans' four. Their cellular arrangement distorts in response to examination as if rearranging their chemical code (transmission of information). They may be able to edit their genetic code in some fashion- in a similar manner to a Cephalopod editing its RNA (Ribonucleic acid); given that they don't seem to suffer from any form of cellular degradation; their genetic make up is so rock solid and stable (unchanging), it brings into question how they could possibly be able to adapt and change physically to changing environments or situations (evolution/adaptation), wouldn't they hit a genetic brick wall at a very early stage? and simply not be able to deal with all those harsh speed bumps that nature will inevitably throw their way? it could be that they can edit their genetic code when needed instead of needing to evolve their bodies over a period of time; such as adapting their bodies to deal with either bitter cold or burning heat without any trouble at all (have you ever read about an Eldar showing any form of discomfort due to extreme temperatures?; they wear the same skin tight gear whether fighting in frozen hell holes or hellish burning deserts). There were rumours that at some point the Eldar could adapt themselves to aquatic environments- although it doesn't go into detail on how this played out (maybe something similar to the [[Idoneth Deepkin]]); this may be another of those locked away abilities that are mentioned from time to time (potentially linked with one of their dead/lost gods). This could explain why the Dark Eldar are actually universally physically bigger, stronger and faster then their Craftworld kin, despite them being genetically identical (to make up for them choosing to allow their psychic abilities to atrophy).<br />
* The Eldar enjoy lives unsullied by illness, frailty or disease.<br />
* They appear to have complete control over their nervous systems and bodily functions (some form of passive [[Psychic Disciplines|Biomancy]]), such as consciously shutting down the nerves in damaged parts of their bodies or mentally forcing a wound to close and the blood to congeal faster to prevent bleeding out (Harlequin-The Inquistion War).<br />
* Given time and further psychic manipulation, they can regenerate any bodily damage that they might have suffered (this includes regrowing entire lost limbs, similar to a reptile losing its tail).<br />
*The Eldar physical condition can be heavily effected by both their mental and spiritual condition. When sad or depressed they can be seen, by observers, to physically "age", however they will quickly regain their vitality once they have pulled themselves back together; in a similar fashion, when focusing their rage and determination they can in fact grow in strength and power. When walking the path of the warrior an Eldar will develop a War Mask, allowing the Eldar to fully commit themselves without doubt or hesitation; this along with the spiritual influence of Khaine, seeing as his power is now flowing through their veins, means an Eldar warrior will be physically stronger and faster than they would be if they were walking a more civilised path; Khaine's influnce only grows stronger the closer they are to the Avatar. The Dark kin appear to physically wither the longer their souls are drained away, but quickly return to their prime upon "topping up" their tank.<br />
*Though most Eldar do not formally develop their psychic abilities, all of them make use of telepathic and empathic communication.<br />
*Taken as a whole, their physical makeup echoes their fall. Requiring complex chemicals to satisfy their digestive system and gene structure means they probably didn't colonize as freely across the universe as humans can; the more complex an organism is, the more time and care must go into its creation. The Eldar pay the price for their advantages, having far longer gestation periods, and requiring multiple stages of development to bring a Child into existence. It also takes them a long time (around a century or so) to finally reach physical maturity; this would go towards why the Eldar never really had a massive population (by galactic standards); when you are a nearly immortal being without any needs or wants, why the hell would you want to put yourself through dealing with a stroppy Eldar teen for forty odd years or more (human teens are bad enough)? You would think that needing to tap into psychic channels to maintain their bodies would makes them inherently vulnerable to the predations of the Warp; however, their potential origins presented in 'Wild Rider', which puts forward that the Eldar were intended to battle and contain incursions by Chaos (which to be fair they did for 60 million years or so pretty well) would explain why they are actually highly resistant (it still happens but is very rare). And when every quirk has the potential to become a mania, and every maniac can live for ten of thousands of years, the Eldar tend to just accrue [[Eldorath Starbane]]s and [[Goge Vandire]]s as a matter of course; this also works the other way around of course, and you could end up with the very opposite of the previous two mentioned (these are more of the extreme examples, but yes, it will happen at least a few time given enough time and the right circumstances).<br />
<br />
==Skub Time!==<br />
[[File:Eldar_Chinese_Beard.jpeg|300px|right|thumb|Eldar cosplaying as a [[Cathay|Chinese Warlord?]] [[Heresy|HERESY!]]]]<br />
It has long been stated by many a fa/tg/uy that the [[Tau]] are [[Weeaboo|Japs]] in space while the Eldar are Space Chinese in that they had a more established civilization as old as the beginning of history itself, with a fucking complicated language and philosophy. Some history/culturefags strongly dispute this assertion as being simplistic and inaccurate, as the Chinese language is marked by relatively light grammar and high syllable-information density, as well as one unified set of logographic symbols (that mostly have one pronunciation). Japanese has low syllable-information density and has a sophisticated agglutinative grammar structure, like Korean, and also possesses two syllable-alphabets in addition to utilizing Chinese characters (often with multiple readings). To add to the language debate, Only War describes the Eldar tongue as 'tonal', something that is a prominent feature in the Chinese language, and is not present in Japanese. So if FFG are to be trusted, the Eldar speak a language more similar to Chinese than Japanese. Just don't ask why the Eldar religion is sorta Hindu (India) and the Tau religion is sorta Buddhist, the only difference between East and Southeast where you haven't been and where you'll never go.<br />
<br />
The problem in this comes not just from language, but fundamentally more on how their ideologies and society is constructed. A problem with this idea is that the Tau philosophy of the "[[Greater Good]]" is practically derived from Confucius, who lived in China, while the Eldar's divisions between Aspect Warriors and Guardians can be better compared to those between Japanese samurai warriors and ashigaru peasant conscripts. Linguistically and ideologically, the Tau draw influence from Confucianism combined with post WWII Chinese-Communist culture. The Eldar is admitted by Games Workshop as being openly modeled on Japanese culture (possessing Japanese-style robes and wielding katanas and shurikens into battle) combined with space Ancient Greece (complete with the togas and the complete hubris that brought them down).<br />
<br />
It should be noted that even Gav Thorpe, who was there at the development of both armies recognized that they were both influenced by Anime (https://gavthorpe.co.uk/2017/06/26/the-origins-of-the-tau/):<br />
<br />
>And with them were the Tao (later Tau, now T’au) based on the underlying concept of the five elements I had originally come up with for the Shishell. I had kept my hand-typed reams of background and pencil sketches and persuaded the rest of the team that it was worth a punt, marrying some of the background to the idea of a more modern army, mecha-themed force (as opposed to the far more organic anime influence in the Eldar designs).<br />
<br />
Then again, any debate on [[Weeaboo]]ism in 40k lore is meaningless because the argument is corrupted so much that anything fa/tg/uys or 4chan residents do not like can be labeled with the term once they have found something about it that vaguely invokes anime tropes... such as, for example, the [[Imperium]]'s extensive use of [[Titan|gigantic overpowered mecha]].<br />
<br />
Seeing as they're visually very obviously inspired by the Romani people, about whose culture nobody on /tg/ knows anything and would rather die (or spend another three hours arguing which flavour of east asian they want to think they are) than bother to research, it's something of a moot point anyway.<br />
<br />
The moral of the story is that no major race in 40K is based on a singular culture (except maybe the Orks who are cockney/football hooligan stereotypes down to the bone marrow) and insisting on referring to any of them as ''space-x-ethnicity'' only makes you look like an idiot who doesn't really get the setting.<br />
<br />
===/tg/ Feelings on the Eldar===<br />
[[Image:Banshee_x_Tau.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Elfdar vs. weeaboo: whoever loses, we win.]]<br />
<br />
The Eldar's arrogance and penchant for [[Just as planned]], paired with their being used as the defenders of the status quo (see below) [[Dawn of Eldar|and the blatant favoritism they seem to get in any work featuring them]] (with some exceptions, such as if they're fighting Imperium Space Marines), have caused them to be the single most-''hated'' race by [[/tg/]]. Yes, more than the [[Necrons|space zombies]] and [[Tau|weeaboo space communists]]. Part of this stems from the fact that they are a hit-or-miss army, much as their [[Dark Eldar|counterparts]] were in the last edition. When they work, they work amazingly; when they don't, they tend to [[Fail|fail]]. [[Reasonable Marines|Some argue]] that a lot of the hate has been due to them being insufficiently [[Orks|Orky]], which, if true, is [[/pol/|RACIST]]. It doesn't help that in the crunch, Craftworld Eldar have a bit of a history with having rather overpowered rules or codexes. This hasn't been the case with recent editions; with the rise of Space Marines mid-8E and early 9E combined with the neutering of the Ynnari and with the uninspiringly mediocre 8E Craftworld codex (a few solid or cheesy builds, but a rather large swath of price inefficient units and nothing blatantly overpowered), [[That Guy|power gamers]] have more or less allowed these Space Elves to fall out of sight and out of mind.<br />
<br />
Thankfully, some of the hate has recently started to abate, and this has everything to do with the fact that the Eldar seem to have become the whipping boys of [[Games Workshop]]. You know they hate you when you can't even win in your own codices. Also, almost every victory they get nowadays is a Pyrrhic one. Indeed, the precious few bits of focused fluff that comes out about the Craftworlders rarely provides [[Advancing the Storyline|any genuine progression]], with whatever gains made by the eldar faction quickly being stripped away or tempered by extreme casualties or MacGuffin bait-and-switches that more or less invalidates the entire story in question. [[Matt Ward]] especially enjoys his crusade against the Eldar, with Avatars dying in almost every codex the guy's written, and if not that then expect similarly one-sided defeats for the Eldar. The Irish goblin [[C.S. Goto]] had a hate boner so hard for the Eldar that he did everything he could to make their race into fucking terrible awful clowns, such as but not limited to: torturing Eldar characters in the most gruesome way he could possibly describe for pages and pages and pages, making them incapable of speaking the human language, making them need to steal IG vehicles because their vehicles are terrible in comparison, and literally having human children destroy an Eldar grav tank by throwing rocks at it, then having them rape and kill the commander with a stick. This is not a joke.<br />
<br />
[[Gav Thorpe]], on the other hand, will fight to the death to write about anything starring the Eldar, because he just loves the elves (enough to stop them from losing in their own codex, so he's a much better kind of fan than Phil Kelly in this regard) and it's more or less agreed that he's really the only one who can portray them totally accurately since he is the Eldar expert. However, a sizable number of the older 40k playerbase [[Rage|hate]] Thorpe for turning [[Exarch|Exarchs]] into watered-down [[Space Marine]] sergeants and other travesties of fluff. Eldar are also noted to have a major Asian influence, most notably from [[China]], with their martial arts, yin-yang symbol, phoenix and dragon worshiping, cultural pride and philosophy. Pre-1945 Japan factors in as well, with an infantry standard weapon called the [[Shuriken Catapult]], their belief in racial superiority and their ideas about being direct descendants of gods. So all in all this means that the Space Elves are the 40k equivalent of [[Cathay|East Asia]]... huh.<br />
<br />
===Eldar as Defenders of the Status Quo===<br />
[[Games Workshop]] is well-known (read: <s>notorious</s> infamous) for using the Eldar as a gigantic fiat that everything remains exactly as it is (which is to say, in a state of imminent-but-not-quite-here-yet disaster).<br />
<br />
It must be noted, however, that they aren't the sole custodians of this. Necrons, pre-update, used to be pretty bad for doing this, and the [[Tyranid]]s in general seem to exist to [[Squat|eat GW's mistakes]], but both of those can be written off as the fault of the armies themselves, since the Tyranids exist only to consume biomass, and the pre-5th edition Necrons just wanted to kill everything. In short, whenever something needs to be [[Tyranid|eaten]], [[Necron|destroyed]], [[Khornate Knights|turned into armour paint]], or [[Tau|involve the interplanetary equivalent of poking an electrical outlet with a fork]], GW uses one of the other armies. But when a situation calls for things to remain exactly as they are, the Eldar, traditionally, get the call.<br />
<br />
Thankfully, this is no longer the case, as the Eldar are at least partly responsible for the massive shakeup that was 8th edition. Basically, Biel-Tan is gone, the Eldar have a [[Ynnead|scary new god]], and one of them does the impossible and revives [[Roboute Guilliman|Rowboat Girlyman]]. So much for status quo. That being said they did it during the Gathering Storm events and their actions prevented an ultimate Chaos victory and stirred the setting back to the state of (you guessed it) imminent-but-not-quite-here-yet disaster.<br />
<br />
After the events of the Gathering Storm, Eldar storyline progression can only be summed up as stagnant. As mentioned before, the Ynnari hasn't really accomplished jack since they helped wake Guilliman from his power nap. Every step towards an awakened Ynnead they take, they pay for it in so much blood that it's a surprise [[Khorne]] hasn't tried to claim them as his own yet. A majority of the Craftworlds are still extremely hands-off in regards to the Ynnari and rarely ever offer them token support even if they share an immediate goal (like the defense of their own [[Saim-Hann|Craftworld]] from an awakening Tomb World). Some are even borderline hostile towards them. [[Commorragh]] is still in a state of complete [[Chaos|chaos]], with [[Asdrubael Vect|Vect's]] faction wanting Yvraine dead and bickering with [[Lady Malys]] over control of the city. Whenever any large, multi-faction gatherings occur to discuss potential long-term alliances, a [[Drazhar|big]] [[Shalaxi Helbane|bad]] shows up and spoil the mood so hard that negotiations break down and nothing comes of the meetings.<br />
<br />
==Current Events==<br />
[[File:Eldar_Oneechan!.jpg|300px|right|thumb|"[[Dawww]]! What a [[Shota|cute, defenseless little Mon-Keighs you are!]] Don't worry, thanks to [[Roboute Guilliman|Robby's]] new friendship, Onee-chan can protect you from those [[Inquisition|mean, nasty people!]]" (weirdly, if their war masks were removed this might not be inaccurate)]]<br />
<br />
With the partially awakening of [[Ynnead]] thanks to [[Eldrad]]'s ritual, [[Yvraine]], [[Visarch|The Visarch]], and the [[Yncarne]] are now gathering all the branches of the Eldar under one banner in order to "save" the galaxy (and more importantly the Eldar race from [[Slaanesh]]).<br />
<br />
Eldrad proposed the idea of allying with the Imperium of Man to finally defeat Chaos once and for all. Even if the other Eldar weren't exactly thrilled by the idea of becoming best buddies with the Imperium, they still reluctantly agreed that they are still the best of a bad bunch, what with the other options being either the [[Orks]] or [[Tau]]. Said races were either too "young" (translated as "too naive and inexperienced to truly face the forces of Chaos"), primarily in the latter case, or simply too uncooperative and uncouth to be allied with (meaning that manipulating them from the shadows would prove more fruitful). And so Yvraine traveled to [[Macragge]] in order to provide the Imperium with a leader that could pull the shit show together and actually make it a worthwhile alliance (read: hasn't experienced ten thousand years of being backstabbed and status quo by Eldar and so is unlikely to purge them at the drop of a hat), culminating in the resurrection of [[Roboute Guilliman]]. Thus the old "defenders of the status quo" proceeded to set the wheels of story advancement in motion, at the risk of further reducing themselves to nothing but a group of proxies for the Imperium. Extra lulz when you remember the Imperium is not inexperienced in manipulating or out-dicking the Eldar, so the spelves were close to being Imperial puppets anyway.<br />
<br />
The opening of the great rift, and the overflowing of the Warp into the material universe has had a profound effect on the powerful psychic race. Even those that do not develop their psychic powers are seeing their psychic potential leaking out in many varied ways; The Eldar are developing/rediscovering abilities that were unknown/forgotten to them before, such as Banshees', finding the wind itself fighting alongside them, and Scorpions developing a naturally accruing invisibility. As the Warp continuous to bleed through into the material universe, what unforeseeable effects will the Great Rift have upon the Eldar moving forward?<br />
<br />
:'''''"Once long ago we damned the galaxy.'''''<br />
:'''''We thought we knew all there was to know, We believed the winds of fate blew at our beckoning whispers.'''''<br />
:'''''Pleasure and enlightenment were our twin birth wrights, until our poisonous vanity ignited the stars.'''''<br />
:'''''Since that day we have lived in fear of she who thirsts, the Goddess that swallows our souls.'''''<br />
:'''''Yet there is a new melody in the Galaxy's great song, a harmony unheard by my people for over 10 thousand years; hope.'''''<br />
:'''''I am the first to hear the voice of the whispering god, I will not be the last.'''''<br />
:'''''Once long ago we damned the galaxy with a birth of a Goddess, now we shall save it with the birth of a God."'''''<br />
<br />
==Rebirth of a Pantheon==<br />
<br />
::''Never trust a god.''<br />
::''You can be certain of one thing, if anything. Gods order the universe to their design and nothing else, and you can be sure that your wants and needs feature little in their agenda. For the Aeldari, distrusting gods is in their nature, having been abandoned by one pantheon of godheads and destroyed by the birth scream of a deity forged from their own wanton excess. Such experience breeds caution if not outright contempt.''<br />
::-''Rise of the Ynnari- Ghost warrior'', [[Derp|blaming gods for the consequences of the Eldars’ own actions]].<br />
<br />
As the story continues to move forward could we see the return of a small Eldar Pantheon? With the confirmation that there will be at least four daemon Primarchs for Chaos and at least four returning Loyalists Primarchs it would make sense from a balance perspective to have four different Avatars to counter. Of course, this would not be a true counter; as powerful as they may be, Avatars are just not as powerful as a Primarch, and although they stand a chance of defeating one, it is still very unlikely. The Avatars at present represent a shattered god and a god that has yet to be fully awakened, so it is not unsurprising that they are not as powerful as they would be if the gods that they represented were fully whole and awake. However seeing as Avatars have the unlimited re-spawn cheat, defeating one means absolutely nothing as they can simple rematerialize after a given time and continue to fight, which is something a Primarch can’t do... except for Vulkan. However, strategically it matters as in the time before it can be resummoned you can take an advantage of its absence. [[Awesome|Also, the Death Specters Chapter’s final test to become Astartes is to die, by ingesting poison, and will themselves back to life. A Primarch most definitely could do that if a mere Space Marine can; although they are only able to to this due to being in the presents of the creepy as fuck throne like mechanism, of unknown origins, at the heart of their Chapter monastery (I SMELL HERESY).]]<br />
<br />
*[[Ynnead]] is already running about. To counter [[Slaanesh]]<br />
*[[Khaine]] reformed with a more powerful Avatar that isn't the laughing stock of the entire 40k community (unlikely). To counter [[Khorne]].<br />
*[[Isha]] freed. To counter [[Nurgle]].<br />
*[[Cegorach]] playing his shadow games. To counter [[Tzeentch]].<br />
<br />
Now it could just be a very weird coincidence that the last remaining Eldar Gods appear to be mirror images of the four Chaos gods but as we know there is no such thing when dealing with the Warp.<br />
<br />
It's conspiracy time ladies and gentlemen:<br />
Could it be that the Chaos gods and the Eldar gods are two sides of the same coin and that what happens to one also affects the other?<br />
It has been asked why the sign for Chaos is an eight sided star when there are only four Chaos gods; well what if there had been more but they no longer exist (likely contenders could be [[Malal]] or one of the [[Chaos God of Law]]). And yes, the Gods of Law are specifically called "Chaos Gods" of Law. And since we know at least some of the Elves' gods from Fantasy battle exist in 40k and the intro to 40K says the Emperor rules "by the will of the gods"...perhaps there is hope still in a way (then again, Tzeentch is the '''God of Hope''').<br />
*The Talismans of Vaul/ Blackstone fortress look suspicious like the eight pointed star of Chaos even though they are supposedly of Eldar origin.<br />
<br />
Before the Fall and the birth of Slaanesh there were eight main Eldar gods 1.[[Asuryan]] 2.[[Cegorach]] 3.[[Isha]] 4.[[khaine]] 5.[[Vaul]] 6.[[Lileath]] 7.[[Morai-Heg]] 8.[[Kurnous]] and an unspecified number of lesser and minor gods, for example, two of the lesser gods are called Hoec and Gea. The Minor Gods include the so called Dark Muses, who may have been originally mortals who obtained godhood. It seems rather strange that you actually end up with eight greater gods, one for each point of the eight pointed star. The Phoenix Lords are referred to as demigods, so we end up with at least four tiers of divine beings within the Eldar Pantheon, Demigods (beings like the Phoenix Lords, that haven't fully obtained godhood, but are well on their way), Minor-Gods (possibly Mortals that have obtained godhood; you could even think of them as something like daemon princes), lesser-god (potentially something similar to the Aelven Pantheon in [[Age of Sigmar]]; [[Malerion]], [[Teclis]], [[Morathi]] etc) and greater-god. Eldanesh and Ulthanesh may have fallen into the Lesser-god tier, as Eldanesh was able go toe to toe with an unshattered Khaine, although it is made clear that Eldanesh knew that he could not win this fight.<br />
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What if when Slaanesh consumed most of the Eldar pantheon the Chaos gods that acted as their doubles were also destroyed alongside them. This would go a long way to explain why Nurgle interfered and saved Isha and why Khorne fought to save Khaine; they were saving their own arses (except for Tzeentch as Cegorach had already escaped, so there was no need to interfere).<br />
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The remaining Chaos gods have each in their own way protected their counterparts in order to save themselves and have grown bloated with power as a result of the now smaller group of gods (essentially they are now getting a larger piece of pie as there are fewer people to share it with).<br />
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The only one without a direct double was Slaanesh, but with the creation of Ynnead that has all changed.<br />
<br />
For what ever reason it would appear that Isha may be becoming more active. When The Great Unclean One known as Rotigus rambles from one maiden world to the next upon the Eastern Fringe, he causes the worlds to rot. The masques of the Frozen Stars appear and fight their way to the site of the planets’ world-spirit shrines, were they perform dances of such startling beauty that all who see them are moved to floods of tears. As the Aeldari weep, the rains falling from the skies transform from diseased filth to cleansing waters that glow like moonlight. Wherever these purifying monsoons sweep over the landscape, the power of Nurgle is undone and the corruption reversed. Rumour spreads through the Exodite tribes that it might be possible that their combined sorrow might somehow, eventually, be able to release the goddess Isha from her imprisonment within Nurgle’s foetid manse. Basically the more you kick her kids the more determined she is to break free and kick your ass.<br />
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Rise of the Ynnari- Wild Rider raises the possibility that when the Great Enemy attempted to devour the aeldari gods, not all were consumed, and that if Khaine was shattered into the avatars of the Bloody-Handed then other fragments might have survived. A piece or pieces of every god scattered throughout the aeldari, born again and again into mortal form just as the souls of the aeldari themselves. Yvraine ponders that Ynnead is, in a way, the incarnation of Isha, Morai-Heg and Lileath summed, what if the croneswords were the means, not the end? That perhaps the fifth cronesword would not be revealed to her until the reborn pantheon of old had been assembled.<br />
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Possible members could be:(note there may be more than one for each god)<br />
*Yvraine - Ynnead’s aspect of the moon. the mortal incarnation of Lileath?<br />
*Eldrad - The Eye of the Fates Unseen. Could he be the Crone?<br />
*Meliniel - Now Kaela Mensha Khaine’s greatest avatar and bearer of the actual blade Anaris. Khaine for obvious reasons.<br />
*Indraesci Dreamspear - the Harlequin, the embodiment of the Laughing God. Cegorach. Lady Malys is also a possibility, what with her now having Cegorach crystal "heart" within her body. Or of course there is also Sylandri Veilwalker; can't count her out.<br />
*Iyanna Arienal - The symbol of her craftworld was the flame of Asuryan.<br />
*Hoec - one of her current companions. Kurnus? Illix Nightspear is also a real possibility too.<br />
*Gei - another of her current companions. Isha?<br />
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In addition, an insight into the true nature of the relationship between Slaanesh and Ynnead is hinted at, which may potentially hold some serious ramifications for any story moving forward. It would appear that Ynnead was the one that was meant to have be born to the Empire of old, but its birth had been corrupted and twisted to the point that Slaanesh was the one that burst into divine being instead. Slaanesh may well have had a hand in its own creation, with the Cults of pleasure paving the path for their master to come into foul existence. If true then Slaanesh and Ynnead are truly twin Gods/Goddesses, with Slaanesh being a horrifically twisted version of Ynnead; or perhaps they are actually two parts of a single whole, two imperfect sides of something far greater than either one individually. Ynnead may very well be a "redo" for the Eldar, a chance to correct the mistakes and sins of the past; even if they all die they may in death find their salvation.<br />
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Or, the two interacting will go full grimdark “Oh, shit” for everyone. Because [[40K]].<br />
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How this plays out, if at all, will certainly be interesting. Maybe the cloned/resurrected Fulgrim will gut Slaanesh and become the Phoenix King a la Asuryan.<br />
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==Relationship with the Imperium of Man==<br />
:{{topquote|Make no mistake mon-keigh, we do not fight for you, or for your corpse-Emperor. We are allied here today because destiny has seen fit to bind our fates together. We do not relish that our futures are intertwined, but if you would live to see another day, then you will do as I say. Order your soldiers to cease firing their primitive artillery upon the ridge line, for it is there the Asuryani warhost will arrive. My kin will drive the tainted ones back towards your lines, where you would do well to be prepared. And please, above all else, stand downwind from me.|Beac-dair, Ranger of Alaitoc, liaison to Imperial forces}}<br />
[[File:Eldar Human interactions.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Pretty typical interaction between the two]]<br />
<br />
The relationship between humanity and the Eldar is complicated to say the least, varying dependent on sector, the local culture (of both parties), the specific needs of each side at the time of contact, and (at least partially) undisclosed fluff concerning human-Eldar relationships during the [[Dark Age of Technology]].<br />
<br />
Due to the variability of these factors, the Eldar are one of the only races for whom there's no consistent pattern of relationship with the Imperium; they can be hated enemies and invaders, desperate allies against a greater foe, marauding pirates, begrudgingly necessary trading allies, and everything in-between. For every Imperial world sacrificed to save the lives of a handful of Eldar, for every grand scheme orchestrated to dick over the Mon-Keigh and put them in their place, another world is saved by their timely intervention or an Inquisitor made aware of the existence of a terrible threat by their warning. Where the Blood Ravens go to war with them at one time, at another the Grey Knights return the salvaged spirit stones of Malan'tai to Iyanden and lay the Craftworld to rest by way of a solar viking funeral.<br />
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During the [[Great Crusade]] the official policy of the Imperium, as mandated by the Emperor, was to kill Eldar, and individual attempts to contact them by Primarchs such as Fulgrim were protested by their men as breaches of Imperial policy. This could be seen as a (very warped and twisted) justified course of action during this time given the numerous human worlds ravished throughout and after the Age of Strife. Although there are no actual records of any Eldar being involved in these actions there was still Eldar radicals, who during the twilight centuries of their empire sort out conflicts among the primitives, as a form of entertainment; then there's also the proto-Dark Eldar who were already doing what they do so well, so there is a lot of room to play with; also potentially the first appearance's of something similar to the Corsairs, formed from those seeking out a more thrilling form of entertainment (ultimately these potential incidents are down to the actions of individuals, not the Eldar dominion itself). Also, the Emperor would no doubt have been fully aware of what causes The Fall and probably deeply hated them for the Age of Strife as well as concern that the Eldar species existing would keep empowering Slaanesh. Remember that he had a very poor understanding of Chaos at the time; although it has been mentioned that both Eldrad and the Emperor had known each other, although they had some kind of falling out, so lots of room to play with there. Earlier lore stated that the reason the Emperor waited so long to Launch his crusade, was that he needed for the Eldar to fall from their position of dominance in the galaxy, if they were still a galaxy spanning superpower then his crusade could never succeed. The Craftworlds themselves, although they would have no need to come into conflict with humanity over resources, as they are completely self sufficient, may have come into contact with the expanding human realms during their exodus; these interactions may have been humanity primary source on contact with the Eldar species. What ever actually happened during the Age of Strife, whenever they encountered each other during the Heresy and beyond the inevitable always happens, such as the time when the Salamanders, Iron Hands and Death Guard sought to rescue the enslaved human population of an Exodite World. It turns out that the Exodites had rescued and sheltered the human population from raids by their Dark kin. After realising their mistake did the Imperials seek out a possible peacefu- nope, instead they slaughtered the human population, seeing them as having been corrupted by their xenos companions and turned the world to ash. Lorgar also encountered a fledgling Craftwold during the Great crusade, he was invited aboard as a guest where they discussed, among many other things, the nature of the warp and its dangers. Lorgar and his legion then thanked them by killing them all and reduced their home to rubble. Which is unsurprising given how “my thinking is bestest” Lorgar was/is. Then again, one must remember that the Humanity was recovering from a horrid period of downfall, where they found themselves assaulted by both aliens and humans alike. The realms of Humanity consumed themselves, and due to the horrors humanity experienced during this time humanity become something far less them what they had been. The result of such dickish behaviour, whether it be inflicted by others or entirely self inflicted, was the roots for mankind becoming outright genocidal towards everything nonhuman. We are not saying that it was right or wrong, just that it was natural, due to situation at time. Lorgar thought that they had nothing to offer as they had been the catalyst for their own fall from grace, and given that the Emperor had standing orders to exterminate the Eldar, who would trust them about things related to the Warp after they broke reality? well it's called hindsight and learning from experience, sometimes learning from someone else's mistakes can actually be useful in not doing it yourself.<br />
<br />
In a wider perspective, the Eldar-Imperial relations is a case of each side using each other for their own ends. The Eldar manipulate humans (and everyone else in general) for their own survival, they'd happily put human lives and worlds to the torch if they needed to avert some grave threat like an Ork WAAAGH or Tyranid fleet, but also aren't completely above saving said lives and worlds if it meant it'd be a more efficient way to keep them around. Likewise, humans would scream "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3jt5ibfRzw burn the witch]" the moment they see the Eldar due to xenophobia and well because the Eldar don't exactly have a great track-record with the Imperium, but more open minded and/or pragmatic individuals aren't above making a truce with the Eldar if it meant stopping a common enemy (like say, the forces of Chaos). For example; the Grey Knights returning the soul stones of the Malan'tai craftworld is better than destroying them since that would do nothing but royally piss off the Eldar and empower Slaanesh, plus it also be used as a bargaining chip with the Eldar during negotiations, something valuable when trying to broker a fair deal with an utterly egotistical race who see you as mere animals. Of course as humans are an equally egotistical race who see all other races as beneath them in the setting (While Eldar considers other races to be a vermin, humans actually TREAT other races like vermin, which includes, *ahem* '''''Routine Cleansings''''' (T'au were candidates to this, but unfortunately for everyone, they survived, proving yet again that the Imperium's extremism is very much justified)), both groups are on equal footing here.<br />
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There are lots in common between the Eldar and Mankind, more so perhaps, than any side would like to admit. This also includes being responsible for the crapsack world that they live in. Both are psychic races and therefore much responsible for the happenings in the warp. While the Eldar have much more effective and skilled psykers, the most powerful ones are associated with humanity, either through unknown and deliberately obscure methods such as the origins of the Emperor or warp crafted abominations such as the Primarch Magnus. This also means that their actions have led to the empowerment of malign forces in the warp: Eldar due to their collective sins and Mankind for generally being untrained retards and [[Magnus|arrogant smartasses who think that they know better]]. So both have their fair share in making things worse for everyone, including themselves. To put it simply, although neither race will ever trust the other and they're theoretically at war, they still share by far the most in common with humanity out of any of its competitors. Against the pressure of a cold and hostile universe, both sides are, at times, willing to pretend just for a second that they could put aside their differences and be allies. Extra irony points that Eldar and humans that work together for extended periods of time often end up with mutual respect for each other and even friendship. Which might even be part of why both groups avoid that as much as possible.<br />
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Since the events of the Gathering Storm, however, the Ynnari have managed to forge an alliance with the Imperium. Admittedly, this isn't a formal alliance so much as a tacit acknowledgement that neither of them can afford to waste time killing each other with the Ruinous Powers on their respective doorsteps, but it gets the job done more often than not. Some of the Craftworlds such as Ulthwe have followed suit, again with the justification that aiding the lesser races will improve the likelihood of them returning the favor in the future. While the space elves aren't happy about it any more than the Imperium would be (if it was known to the Imperium as a whole and not just a few individuals within it), they are slowly coming to terms with the fact that they have no choice but to swallow their pride to survive. Eldrad in particular is pushing for a genuine, full-fledge and permanent alliance between humans and the Eldar, believing that there are darker times just over the horizon, and that if the two species don't work together against this dark future then both species will perish.<br />
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TL;DR: In the current time period, being two of the most arrogant, egotistic and xenophobic races in the galaxy, where one sacrifices millions of innocent others to save a few of their own and another is exterminating millions of innocent lives and entire planets on a nearly daily basis, Eldar and Humans get along with each other quite well 40k. Perhaps because they're the only factions out there doing terrible things to survive whereas everyone else is doing it because they are either naive and greedy, stupid and blindly aggressive, insane, sadistic, or just plain evil. Also because the two species have far more in common to the point of hitting uncanny valley, than either side would like to admit. (Yes, this includes being responsible for ruining everything for everyone with birth of Slaanesh and Horus Heresy respectively.)<br />
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Perhaps the dick put it best:<br />
<br />
:'''''‘You wish to be free of the influence of my kind, You see the armour as a gaoler holding you hostage to our whims. Know this – the fates of humanity and aeldari are bound together. Either both species will survive, or neither will. Your Emperor understands this. There are greater enemies than the primordial annihilator. In the times to come, you will see. The struggle is only beginning. The old war returns. Remember this conversation, and reconsider carefully, on the day realisation comes, whether you wish to stand alone.’'''''<br />
::-Eldrad Ulthran speaking to Guilliman, ''The Armour Of Fate''.<br />
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Not to take away from what has been mentioned above but the Eldar as a whole don't actually ''hate'' humans; they may see them as lesser beings, but they still see them as being people despite the commonly held belief to the contrary. Characters such as Lyanne have expressed that although she finds humans to be [[The Fall|brutal]] and [[Dark Eldar|disgustingly violent]], she just can't bring herself to hate them as they could still be better (and it’s not like the Imperium gives its people a good environment to become diplomatic); she has gone out of her way to save at least one human world from the Tyranids even though it earned her the attention and enmity of the Hive Mind itself. Eldrad himself has even admonished Exarchs for expressing too strong a negative view of humans; for every potential action that has cost the Imperium, he has also saved it, such as during the War of the Beast, when he created a calm path through the Warp that allowed the forces of The Last Wall Protocol to safety reach Terra in time to defend it. As mentioned the Craftworld Eldar, as a whole, don't actively hate humans. For most Eldar their feelings run from complete indifference to mild curiosity; some may go as far as to feel sorry and even pity for the state humanity now finds itself. This of course will differ from individual to individual and faction to faction, as should be expected from a species spread so thinly across the galaxy.<br />
<br />
There is a clear distinction that the Eldar make between the likes of humans and Orks. The killing of Orks is considered something closer to pest control, the exterminating of a very dangerous and violent plague upon the galaxy (something the Orks might be proud to be called); the death of humans however is considered to be the killing of a fellow sentient being (lesser sure, but still considered to be a person whose killing can still be called murder and apparently matters enough to be potentially traumatizing to Eldar lacking a War Mask). However it is also this distinction that has earned the humans the dubious honour of being referred to as ''mon-keigh'', as the Orks actions are more like a force of nature; it is who they are, as opposed to humanity who have a choice, but have through their deeds and actions earned the title. Many mistakenly believe that the term Mon-Keigh literally means monkey (it was always meant as an in-joke for the reader), but the most accurate modern word that portrays the meaning behind the phrase is 'Nazi'; just change the word to Nazi, and you get a better understanding to the true meaning and feeling it expresses. Unlike how the Imperium calls every Eldar a "Xeno" not every human is strictly a Mon-Keigh. A better phrase might be "Imperial" because the word is targeted at the ignorant and violent mindset the Imperium breeds in its citizens. If anything, the Eldar tend to be on good terms with and helpful toward non-Imperial humans (when interacting with them at all, if ever) until the Imperium inevitably rolls in and murders everyone and brainwashes the rest. Wonder how the Eldar feel about that, if anything.<br />
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When the Eldar take action within the wider galaxy it is always to achieve a specific goal or task; this can take the form of preventing an object of importance from falling into the wrong hands, preventing the immediate loss of Eldar lives, or setting up future events to better protect what remains of their kind. Once they have achieved their objectives the forces assembled will leave and return to the Craftworld of their origin.<br />
<br />
These actions are almost never done with the notion of violence for violence's sake, as most Craftworld Eldar have a very negative view of Khaine's work (his very domains putting war with murder and no concept of honor being part of it), with many of those who have walked the warrior path considering their actions during this time nothing short of murder, especially when they end up peeking behind their War Masks; when they confront what has been locked away behind their Masks, they are horrified by what they have done in order to protect their species from the dangers of the galaxy.<br />
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Like with most things, the idea of painting a whole species with the same brush is ridiculous. For every Eldar that demonstrates the more negative tropes there are just as many who demonstrate truly good and heroic traits, such as the Harlequin who refused to leave the humans enslaved within an Ork encampment, freeing them from their cages despite the action costing precious Eldar lives, or characters such as Asurmen who has become a legend and saviour-like figure among alien species across the galaxy including many imperial worlds spanning the entire breadth and length of the Imperium.<br />
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Even Biel-Tan (who are viewed by most other Craftworlds as something akin to xenophobic zealots) will still follow, when dealing with Maiden Worlds, the common practice of giving an official warning to anyone foolish enough to settle on one, and are even known to help evacuate the human populations who are sensible enough to listen by placing them in suspended animation on their own ships in order to move them to a different habitable world. This implies human populations agree often enough to be worth the effort and that the Imperium doesn’t execute them for it unlike almost any other alien interaction.<br />
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Official Imperial diplomats have even been periodically granted permission to live aboard Craftworld Iyanden for a time (there may have also been an Inquisition base in that Craftworld), where they will be hosted by an Eldar Familym, such as Ieldan Soecr (from the 3rd edition) who spent time on [[Iyanden]], even writing a book about her time there. Grease Monkey of the Last Chancers earned his place by stealing the transport of an Iyanden ambassador currently visiting an Imperial world, which indicated it was both public, no fanfare and therefore probably pretty common, and unguarded which indicates a great degree of trust and routine to the visit. The Eldar actually make use of diplomacy when they can (though actual official diplomacy such as the above is solely done by Craftworld Iyanden), such as when an Imperial governor got his hands on some soul stones that currently held the souls of dozens of Eldar, turning them into a fancy piece of jewellery. The Eldar sent a diplomat to get them back, however like in most instances of dealing with the Imperium, the governor didn't listen and instead had the diplomat killed in order to add another shiny stone to his collection. This of course didn't end well for him as the Dark Kin are said to have given extra careful attention to his care. The irony is that if the Eldar didn’t get him first, the Inquisition certainly would have been a tad upset about using alien artifacts, let alien souls, as jewelry.<br />
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The interaction between the Imperium and the Eldar becomes especially complicated when you start looking into the different factions of Eldar currently at large in the galaxy. This is further complicated by the fact that the Imperium very rarely ever listens (the idea of a mind too small for doubt is very appropriate here), usually with the excuse that aliens alway lie even when they are actually telling the truth. This state of mistrust usually has the Imperial forces constantly expecting a sudden betrayal, which normally ends with the Imperium turning on their so called allies before they themselves can be betrayed.<br />
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This is not to claim that the Eldar are the "good guys"; no one in the setting is, although there are no "good guys" there are still "good people" to be found on all sides. The Craftworlds are just as capable as anyone else of committing actions that could easily be considered evil (even if born out of necessity), but within 40k are guilty of nothing the likes of the Imperium, are not also equally guilty of; to try and claim either have the moral high ground is just funny, and a prime example of the pot calling the kettle black.<br />
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If the go to claim against them is that they are "arrogant" then that's pretty good going by 40k standards, as that can also be equally applied to every other faction in the setting as well.<br />
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An important thing to keep in mind is that any interaction heavily depends on how well informed the individuals involved are. Inquisitors and rogue traders are known to associate with members of the Eldar race, many having in some way earned a "life debt" from the Eldar involved; the Eldar will honour this Life debt until it has been repaid in full, with many of these bonds developing into genuine friendships, such as in the audiobook ''Corsair'' where every time the crew was about to enter a dangerous situation the human captain would tell the Eldar corsair that he was free to leave, as she had already freed him from his debt a hundredfold already, to which he simply replied that it wasn't up to her when the debt had been paid. The Ordo Xenos in particular have an oddly close relationship with the Eldar (some would say heretically close), and entire navigator houses are known to owe great debts to the Eldar species. Even the Grey knights have shown an oddly close working relationship with the Eldar, going so far as to stand guard over Soul Stones until the Eldar are able to retrieve them; they actually seem to work better with the Eldar then they do with other forces of the imperium. They have even helped the Dark Angels in their hunt for the Fallen and were actually the ones who stood guard over Luther's black blade; until an interrogator chaplain stumbled upon it, thinking it to be the Lion sword; it was then returned to the depth of the Rock and locked away safely (short story the "black pearl").<br />
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Although the official policy of the Imperium is to hate and despise Xenos, those at the very top are more inclined towards actions that would see anyone else burned alive, due to it being in their best interests to keep the masses ignorant and blindly dogmatic, instead feeding the public nothing but Imperial propaganda to better control their thoughts and minds, whilst at the same time making backroom deals with the very people that they are telling the citizens of the Imperium to hate and loathe (just like in real life then).<br />
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==Play Style==<br />
[[File:EldarVehicles.png|500px|right|thumb|The Orks may actually be on to something with that red paint...]]<br />
As a general rule, the Eldar are a fast army of specialists. Each unit is engineered for a particular style of fighting but is nigh useless outside of that assigned role. For example, Dark Reaper squads (currently broken) are known to cripple, if not wipe out completely, entire squads of Space Marines in a single volley. Conversely, they are incapable of moving and shooting (but now they can, [[Lulz|lulz]]) and are comparable to [[Imperial Guard|Guardsmen]] in close combat ([[Tau|though they don't wear wet cardboard boxes for armor]]). Usually, everyone in an Eldar squad has the same gun and the squad as a whole aims for one goal, as opposed to squads of dudes each toting a different gun for a different kind of foe. This can help new players by not forcing them to keep all of a squad's weaponry in mind, but it also requires you move the right squad for the job to the right place, which can be tactically challenging. An ill-positioned Eldar squad has a greater chance of doing nothing than those of other armies. Some units, like Jetbikes, overcome this disadvantage with superior speed and mobility. This is huge in a game where most of the missions are about capturing objectives. If you are the kind of elf who likes it when a plan comes together, you might be tactical enough to lead the Eldar to their victories upon the battlefield.<br />
<br />
With their new, updated codex, the Craftworld Eldar are given a firm footing in the game to compete with or dominate their numerous foes through their increased special abilities, units’ tactical applications and general ability to put shurikens into things and make those things fall down. The newer codex makes units even more points-efficient in doing their jobs. Tactical blunders will see your army turned into rainbow confetti, but if you can get the right part of your Eldar army fighting the right bad guys, you can ruin Christmas every time.<br />
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Eldar are almost universally Fleet, pack high Leadership, high Initiative and good overall stats (apart from defenses, with some notable exceptions, such as Wraith constructs), their accuracy is good, their special abilities are rich and useful and their armies need never run the same trick twice. Prior to 8th edition, their Battle Focus ability let them choose to take a run action either before or after shooting, for free, a benefit that allows them to become more mobile than the competition by far. These days, their Battle Focus simply allows them to advance with no accuracy penalties on non-heavy weapons, a notable nerf to be sure, but still a very usable perk that ensures your infantry and bikers can still run faster than everyone else and still land their shots. Almost all of their vehicles are skimmers or flyers; those that aren't can Deep Strike or outflank; and they have three different flavors of jump troops and fast-as-hell Jetbikes. Eldar look good when they fight and often kill their enemies in style.<br />
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Although they have a somewhat justified reputation for being "OP", it's a bit more complex then it looks at first sight. The Eldar have for the duration of most editions of the game enjoyed a position among the more powerful codex's, alongside others such as the Space Marines; a position that many such as the Orks or tyranids would love to be able to claim. This reputation normally takes the form of one or two units in each edition vastly overly performing whilst the rest of the codex ends up being a bit rubbish; this leads to Eldar players spamming the same units over and over again. For example, whilst the majority of the codex in 7th was decently balanced, a small handful of over performing units tainted it for everyone; [[Eldar Jetbike|Jetbikes]] all armed heavy weapons as troops, [[Wraithknight]]s being at least 70-100 pts too cheap and the abundance of D-level weapons ruined what was a mostly well put together codex.<br />
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In summary, when an Eldar army is functioning as it should, it is difficult to stop. For this reason, opponents hate them. On the other hand, the army falls apart if their specialized units are outside of their element (Dark Reapers in a fist fight or Howling Banshees in a shoot out, for example) or fail to get the first strike in. They are devastating if they set up, and terrifying if allowed to stick around, but the presence of '''one''' [[Manticore Rocket Launcher]], [[Whirlwind Artillery Tank]] or [[Defiler]] can collapse an entire Eldar battle line should the space elves not fight with care and foresight. Or go second.<br />
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With the coming of the 8th edition the Eldar have experienced some rough waters (there won't be many who will shed any tears over this); although they met with initial success with the likes of the combination of Dark Reapers and the 'Strength from Death' rule, most of their special rules from previous editions that they relied on to keep them on par with marines have been stripped away and many of the changes to the core rules, such as the loss of initiative, restrictions to Psychic casting and changes to how WS and BS work have left many units (especially melee units) far weaker then they have been for a longtime (Howling Banshees especially have become a complete burden to anyone brave enough to try and make them work).<br />
<br />
As 8th has continued to progress the Eldar army has seen a shocking transformation, turning from a small expensive army of specialized elites to an expensive specialized horde army. This added to the continued process of taking every unique unit within the Craftworld codex and handing them wholesale over to the Imperium (and, of course, the Imperial versions are both cheaper and stronger than the originals) has left a nasty bitter aftertaste. Primaris Marines in general have led Space Marines away from the general Jack-of-all-Trades flexibility that formed the bread and butter of old marines in exchange for dedicated, specialized units that have few (if any) special weapons that differ greatly from the rest of the standard squad (a parallel borderline identical to Craftworld Aspect Warriors). This has become even more apparent with the coming of 9th edition and the introduction of Primaris Marine Eradicators, Space Marines armed exclusively with suped up Meltas who excel at devastating heavy armor (literally Space Marine Fire Dragons, only with ''much'' better rules for virtually no difference in cost) and the Pteraxii Skystalkers, Adeptus Mechanicus flying infantry armed with very shooty rifles and mortal wound dealing grenade packs (Skitarii Swooping Hawks, but of course better in every regard). Ironically, specialization is terrible for both groups anyway as specialization in a group is feasible only for large numbers, which is also how civilizations grow. Both the Eldar and Space Marines are very small, especially the Marines. Which means specialization for either is foolish. Even though the Eldar are still numerous by modern standards, they're not when compared to the enemies they face and the necessities of survival out in the void would also encourage a jack-of-all-trades approach much like Astartes.<br />
<br />
Note: although not much can be done from a competitive game front when it comes to casual play the community can still work together to try and makes things less uneven. No one wants a situation where an army is shunned because of factors beyond their control, it's not the players fault. Have a couple of games to see what works or what doesn't, talk with your local games group and discuss what can be done to make sure the experience is an enjoyable one; no one wants any player to not get to use their new goodies but perhaps Marine players, for the time being, wouldn't mind ignoring their Combat and Super doctrines whilst playing against none marine lists for an example. This is not to single out Marines, but a general rule; don't let foolish rule choices by GW course unwanted tension between different player factions, talk to each other and decide what sort of compromise's can be reached, that can ultimately benefit both sides involved.<br />
<br />
The 9th edition codex is beginning to feel a bit like a patch job, in that, at some point they had a working codex and then went back and started to add in additions that made certain rules almost worthless, to the point that you begin to wonder what was the point in having it in the first place, and rules written in a way that proves that there was little actual proof reading going on. Until we get the full picture we can only speculate, however there does seem to be some redundant elements to the codex, but again that's kind of expected. Overall the codex looks like it might end up as a high mid tier army (potentially low A, but the codex isn't anywhere near S tier), which is not a bad place to be. Most things in the codex are pretty good with a handful of things being a bit too costly for what they do, but again that's always how these things work out. Give it a few more weeks of actual play for a clearer picture, but a few points cost changes might be all that is needed going forward (a few rules may need to be cleared up, we all hope that GW will get on this ASAP).<br />
<br />
==Lameness, Courtesy of Games Workshop==<br />
[[Image:End of the line.jpg|400px|right|thumb|Hm, a dead Eldar. I wonder what GW is peddling in this picture? The Space Marines, the creek, the forest perhaps...? Gotta be something.]]<br />
Eldar recently were dethroned as the punching bag of Games Workshop. Until the most recent codex (Newcrons), the Eldar suffered repeated and humiliating defeats. Every single defeat involved overwhelming odds in favor of the Eldar, with gigantic [[wraithbone]] constructs and [[Khaine|burning shards of war gods]] being overwhelmed by [insert faction GeeDubs is trying to sell this time]'s broken pinky finger.<br />
<br />
Let's make a list here:<br />
*''Fulgrim'' - Big Eldar force including a fucking Avatar and Wraithlords is killed by a small detachment of the Emperor's Children (the Avatar is strangled to death by Fulgrim because he's distracted by his glowy Laer blade. I'm not making this shit up.)<br />
*''Codex: Chaos Daemons'' - Aside from being a nifty reference to [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ys Ker-Ys/Ker-Is], an Avatar is possessed by a Keeper of Secrets and helps wipe out a Craftworld.<br />
*Codex: [[Tyranids]] - Avatar issues a challenge to the Hive Tyrant leading the assault on Iyanden. Apparently it doesn't work and it literally gets stampeded to death by 12 Carnifexes. What the fuck. (To be fair, it is 12 [[Carnifex]]es and the Avatar took four down with it.) Oh, and Farseer Kelmon dies, despite neither the Avatar nor Kelmon dying in older iterations of Iyanden's invasion. Oh, and the Doom of Malan'Tai [[Fail|singlehandedly eats an ENTIRE CRAFTWORLD]].<br />
*''[[Matt Ward]]'s Cornucopia of Wank'' - From the Avatar getting his chest punched in by Papa Smurf, other hilarious things like Wraithlords being killed by Sergeants and god knows what, Matt Ward's Necron Codex featuring a [[Eldorath Starbane|fucking retarded Alaitoc Farseer]] who fucks over every engagement he commands and gets 'captured' in the White Dwarf issue, I don't even know where to start.<br />
** Ironically, Ward is also the only one who writes the Eldar being badass, including a bit about Biel-tan beating two whole Imperial sector fleets and ten Space Marines chapters. It seems that only his love for his Ultrasmurfs can surpass his compulsion to make the Eldar actually, y'know, even remotely competent.<br />
* [[Dawn of War: Dark Crusade]] has the Blood Ravens wipe out all of Taldeer's distractions and then kill her, with [[Azariah Kyras|their heretical Chapter Master]] gaining a fancy new piece of bling by taking her spirit stone ([[LCB|or perhaps she escaped and Kyras only managed to kill a body double, depending on who you listen to]]).<br />
* In [[Dawn of War: Soulstorm]], [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] wipes the Ulthwe forces on Kaurava III out wholesale and used his sheer manliness to make Caerys join his harem.<br />
* [[Dawn of War II]] has the Eldar farseer acting like a complete and total ''DUMBASS'' from the moment you take control of Force Commander Hairgel/Aramus. While things started off good with the Eldar making the Orks and Space Marines do the work for them, Farseer [[Idranel|Ree-t'ard]] then decides to antagonize the Blud Rehvens for literally no reason, resulting in a total of 11 marines, 3 scouts, and a dreadnought killing somewhere in the ballpark of <s>hundreds</s> thousands of Eldar and a fucking avatar.<br />
* ''Imperial Armour 11: Doom of Mymeara'' (which sounds like a Playschool TV show puppet - way to go on the Craftworld name GW) - Again, droves of Eldar in the midst of snotting Imperial Guard and Space Wolves from here to Jupiter, somehow get their collective arses handed to them. This is achieved by some fresh out of training/wet nosed/"tea bagging my comrades for the Emperor is my past time" IG commander, pulling a victory out of his chocolate starfish - with collective precision that makes the Dome of Seers predictive foresight look like your average crystal ball psychic con artist.<br />
* The Battle of Orar's Sepulchre: Seeing yet another Avatar of Khaine die and the combined might of both the [[Alaitoc]] and [[Iyanden]] Craftworlds defeated, with death tolls so high that the Space Marines create barriers out of the enormous mounds of Eldar dead<br />
* Yme-Loc raided: The Craftworld with the explicitly most powerful vehicle force of all Craftworlds getting bitchslapped by the Mechanicum who land on it, beat it up and raid it at their leisure. Although considering the AdMech tends to whip out whatever supertech they need when they need it, this might be forgivable as it was a smash-and-grab.<br />
* Alaitoc's near death: Despite being one of the five most powerful Craftworlds, Alaitoc is almost completely outclassed by a small Imperial Crusade including only one Chapter of Space Marines in support.<br />
<br />
(And let's not forget that all of these instances are pretty recent fluff, from 4th-5th edition.)<br />
Case in point, when [[GeeDubs]] needs to give some character or unit or faction some street cred, they just go "he killed an Avatar, so that's good enough." As if the prevailing logic wouldn't be; "gee, if so many things can kill the Avatar, isn't it kind of a lame thing to kill anymore?" Regardless, GW sucks at writing decent fluff (with [[Phil Kelly|a]] [[Dan Abnett|few]] exceptions).<br />
<br />
Fortunately, the new punching bag has been changed to the [[Tau]], who for reasons uncertain, don't seem to mind the change of pace- ''Uh, don't you mean Sisters of Battle? The ones who, you know, not only die in droves, but usually at the hands of their own alleged allies?'' No, we mean the Tau. The ones with two traitor legions gunning for a portal into the heart of their territory and the species that retardedly infected one of their worlds with Gene-Stealers to see what would happen. Eldar still lost most times they were mentioned in the codex, though.<br />
<br />
This also had the effect of making many people turn away from them. If nearly every story about Eldar is "they tragically die in drove in a heartwrenching defeat/Phyrric victory" , it tends to be too bleak for anyone to keep caring after a while, not to mention boring. Plus no one wants to keep reading about how their favourite faction are constant losers.<br />
<br />
From a lore prospective GW seems to not realise that the Eldar are, truly, horribly, and totally outnumbered by every other faction (yes, that includes the [[Tau]]) in the setting- by truly insane numbers. Each Eldar alive would have to kill tens of thousands for every Eldar life lost, to even come close to reaching anything that could be considered an equivalent level of loss; the Imperium alone outnumbers each Eldar alive by something like ten's of millions to one. Which is why depicting the Whole "Dying race" trope, by showing them getting mowed down in their thousands, really doesn't work, and only goes to show how pathetically weak the Eldar are as a named faction; they literally can't even be called a minor irritation by any of the other factions.<br />
<br />
The loss of a Craftworld is something momentous, there are probably less then 500-800 Craftworlds out there, so the loss of one is vastly more impactful on the Eldar then it is for the Imperium to loss a world or system. A single Imperial world potentially holds more lives on it then multiple Craftworlds combined (there Is probable more Marines then there are Aspect Warriors in the galaxy, as Gav had the Aspect Warriors in the Path series, outnumbered by the forces of a single chapter; apparently one of the big named Craftworlds can only field around a thousand warriors in its defence)- so although the number of lives lost to the imperium is greater in number, the effect on the Eldar population is catastrophically greater in impact; having Craftworlds getting wiped out left and right, which is the new trendy thing to do apparently, really does not take into consideration the true ramifications of doing so; the Imperium always has more worlds, the Eldar do not have that luxury. Not saying that they shouldn't get destroyed or invaded, but it needs to be a much bigger deal then it is currently, and the cost of doing so should be suitable very high.<br />
If in a single conflict the Imperium lost one million lives, and then a single baby is born on each Imperial world, they will have replaced those numbers within the first 10 seconds of the conflict. Those babies will be able to fight for the imperium in just over ten or so years, compared to the Eldar, were it takes over a year to even create a new Eldar life within the womb, and then the century or so that it takes for the child to eventual reach maturity, it doesn't matter how much more powerful or advanced they are compared to humans, unless they can kill tens of millions for every Eldar life lost, its an impossible task for the Eldar to ever enter into a conflict and actually claim they have won; they may achieve their objectives, but they still lose.<br />
<br />
It used to be that the Eldar would be able to, through the use of seers and carful planning, achieve victory with, ideally, not a single loss of life- this of course was thrown out the window as GW has a growing fetish for killing as many Eldar as they can; did you know that during the 'Gathering Storm', they had thousands of Eldar get killed by a single slash from a Keeper of Secrets tongue, not joking, they really got licked to death.<br />
<br />
==Notable Eldar Characters==<br />
{|align=center border="1" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0""<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|'''Name'''<br />
|align=center|'''Origins'''<br />
|align=center|'''Allegiance'''<br />
|align=center|'''Description/Current Status'''<br />
|align=center|'''Image'''<br />
|align=center|'''Model'''<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|'''[[Eldrad|Eldrad Ulthran]]'''<br />
|align=center|[[Craftworld Ulthwé]]<br />
|align=center| Aeldari /Ynnari<br />
|align=center|Saviour of the Eldar. Former High Farseer of Ulthwé. Amongst the greatest and most powerful of the Eldar Seers. A [[dick]].<br />
|align=center|[[Image: 450px-EldradThroneworld.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image:EldarEldrad-old.jpg|thumb|150px|]][[Image: EldradModel.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|'''[[Yvraine]]'''<br />
|align=center|[[Craftworld Biel-tan]]<br />
|align=center| Ynnari<br />
|align=center|Emissary of Ynnead. Herald of the Eldar God of the Dead. Helped bring Guilliman back into the game. Wields the Crone Sword Kha-vir the Sword of Sorrows.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Yvraine.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Yvraine-Emissary-of-Ynnead.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|'''[[Visarch|The Visarch]]'''<br />
|align=center|[[Craftworld Biel-tan]]<br />
|align=center| Ynnari<br />
|align=center|The Sword of Ynnead. The mortal champion of the Eldar God of the Dead and Yvraine’s bodyguard. Bad at his job. Wields the Crone Sword Asu-var the Sword of Silent Screams.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Visarch.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Visarch2.gif|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|'''Autarch Meliniel'''<br />
|align=center| Craftworlds<br />
|align=center| Ynnari<br />
|align=center|Yvraine's top commander, made his first appearance "Ghost Warrior: Rise of the Ynnari". After the Ynnari deafeat the Warshard (a more pure incarnation of Khaine) he absorbs it and is transformed; he and the Warshard become one, and he can now Hulk out, and become an all new and improved super-Avatar of Khaine. It is still an Avatar of Khaine though, so don't expect much.<br />
|align=center|[]<br />
|align=center|[]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|'''The Yncarne '''<br />
|align=center| The Infinity Circuit<br />
|align=center| Ynnari<br />
|align=center|The Avatar of [[Ynnead]]. The physical manifestation of the awakening Eldar god of the dead. Wields the Crone Sword Vilith-zhar the Sword of Souls.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Ynnead2.PNG|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Reveal2.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Avatar of Khaine]]'''<br />
|align=center| The old Eldar Empire<br />
|align=center| Aeldari<br />
|align=center|The Avatar of [[Khaela Mensha Khaine]] (also known as the Bloody-Handed God). The physical manifestation of the Shattered Eldar God of murder, War and Fire. Memetic loser.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Khaine End Times.png|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: EldarAvatar01.jpg|thumb|150px|]][[Image: New Khaine model.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Asurmen]]'''<br />
|align=center| The old Eldar Empire<br />
|align=center| Aeldari /Ynnari<br />
|align=center|Asurmen, the Hand of Asuryan. Was the first Phoenix Lord and founded the Dire Avenger Aspect and the Path of the Warrior. Before he became Asurmen he was a bit of a lazy slacker who didn't take anything seriously.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Asurmen Cover Art.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: 99800104025 AsurmenNEW 01.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Jain Zar]]'''<br />
|align=center| The old Eldar Empire<br />
|align=center| Aeldari /Ynnari<br />
|align=center|Jain Zar, the Storm of Silence. Was Asurmen's first student and loyal companion. She's the founder of the Howling Banshees Aspect. In her youth she was very similar to [[Lelith Hesperax]].<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Jain zar by Kai Lim.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: 99060104006 JainZarNEW 01.jpg|thumb|150px|]][[Image:Jain Zar 2019.png|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Baharroth]]'''<br />
|align=center| The old Eldar Empire<br />
|align=center| Aeldari /Ynnari<br />
|align=center|Baharroth, the Cry of the Wind. Was the founder of the Swooping Hawks. Noted by Asurmen as the best of all his students. Baharroth's final death will come during the [[Rhana Dandra]] where his final sacrifice will bring about the ultimate salvation of the Eldar.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Bahharoth2 7th Edition.png|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Baharroth.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Karandras]]'''<br />
|align=center| The old Eldar Empire<br />
|align=center| Aeldari /Ynnari<br />
|align=center|Karandras, the Shadow Hunter. The Phoenix Lord of the Striking Scorpions but not their founder. He started out not as the pupil of Asurmen but of Ahra.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: What a badass.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: 99800104022 KarandrasNEW 01.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Fuegan]]'''<br />
|align=center| The old Eldar Empire<br />
|align=center| Aeldari /Ynnari<br />
|align=center|Fuegan, the Burning Lance. The founder of the Fire Dragons and the patron saint of overkill. Culling the enemies of the Eldar one by one until their deaths form an unbroken chain of retribution stretching across the universe. Using this chain Fuegan intends to bind the Dragon at the end of days and that it will be Fuegan who calls the Phoenix Lords for the [[Rhana Dandra]] were he will be the last to fall.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Fuegan 6th Ed.png|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: 99060104029 FueganNEW 01.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Maugan Ra]]'''<br />
|align=center| The old Eldar Empire<br />
|align=center| Aeldari /Ynnari<br />
|align=center|Maugan Ra, the Harvester of Souls. The Phoenix Lord of the Dark Reapers. He is one of the most OP characters from a fluff prospective but sadly not from a table top one. Before he became Maugan Ra he was (if you can believe it) a mild-mannered librarian and caretaker and was the one who invented/discovered the Infinity Circuit.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Maugan-Ra.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: MauganRa.jpg|thumb|150px|]][[Image: New Maugan Ra.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Irillyth]]'''<br />
|align=center| The old Eldar Empire<br />
|align=center| Aeldari<br />
|align=center|Irillyth, the Shade of Twilight. The Phoenix Lord of the Shadow Spectres. Was lost for a long time but has finally made his return.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Irillyth I hope..jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: 99550104067 IrilythPhoenixLordShadowSpectres01.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Drastanta]]'''<br />
|align=center| The old Eldar Empire<br />
|align=center| Aeldari<br />
|align=center| Drastanta, the Tempest of Starlight. The Phoenix Lord of the Shining Spears. After failing to save Asurmen he went into self-exile, leaving his weapon behind.<br />
|align=center|<br />
|align=center|<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' Sylandri Veilwalker'''<br />
|align=center| Harlequins<br />
|align=center| Harlequin/ Ynnari<br />
|align=center| A Shadowseer of the Masque of the Veiled Path who is worse than [[Eldrad]] when it comes to interfering in other peoples buisness. She was there when [[Prince Yriel]] took up the Spear of Twilight and can order around Magos [[Belisarius Cawl]] like he was her personal plaything. She helped guide the surviving Imperial defenders of Cadia into the Webway, then later reappeared alongside [[Cypher]] to free [[Roboute Guilliman]] after he was captureded by Chaos forces and later played a vital role in the battle against [[Magnus]]. She also manipulated the [[Emperor's Children]] into their attack on Lugganath. She’s also likely the Shadowseer that appeared in the Devastation of Baal, who dragged [[Mephiston]] through hell by his psychic ear, in order to warn him of a demonic invasion that was on its way. By the Dice Gods she’s everywhere, they might as well have her be the Shadowseer that appeared in The Beast Arises series… <br />
|align=center|[[Image: Female Shadowseer.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Prince Yriel]] Ulthanash '''<br />
|align=center| [[Craftworld Iyanden]]<br />
|align=center| Aeldari /Ynnari<br />
|align=center| Prince Yriel is arrogant and deadly in equal measure. Whether as High Admiral of Iyanden’s grand fleet, commander of the Eldritch Raiders he leads his warriors from the front. Turns out that the The Spear of Twilight was one of the Crone Swords.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Yriel.JPG |thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: 99800104019 EldarYriel360.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Illic Nightspear]]'''<br />
|align=center| [[Craftworld Alaitoc]]<br />
|align=center| Aeldari<br />
|align=center| The Walker of the Hidden Path. He has wandered the Path of the Outcast for thousands of years, slaying monsters and men alike as he seeks out the paths that span the stars.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Illic Nightspear.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: 99800104027 EldarIllicNightspear360.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Iyanna Arienal]] '''<br />
|align=center| [[Craftworld Iyanden]]<br />
|align=center| Aeldari /Ynnari<br />
|align=center| The Angel of Iyanden. The most prominent Spiritseer of Iyanden and one of the most outspoken supporters of Ynnead. (Her official rules are actually worse than the normal Spiritseer so it would be better to use the normal rules instead)<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Iyanna Arienal.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' Nuadhu '''<br />
|align=center| [[Craftworld Saim-Hann]]<br />
|align=center| Aeldari<br />
|align=center| The Fireheart is a Wild Rider of Saim Hann with a modified Vyper called the Alean- the steed of Khaine. Nuadhu is currently Saim-Hann’s high chieftain.<br />
|align=center|[[Image:Fireheart.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' Prince Eldrathain '''<br />
|align=center| [[Craftworlds]]<br />
|align=center| Corsairs<br />
|align=center| Leader of the corsairs in [[Battlefleet Gothic: Armada]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Prince Eldrathain.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' Bel-annath '''<br />
|align=center| Craftworlds of Mymeara<br />
|align=center| Aeldari<br />
|align=center| Farseer of Mymeara<br />
|align=center|<br />
|align=center|<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Macha]]'''<br />
|align=center| ''' Craftworlds of [[Biel-Tan]]'''<br />
|align=center| Aeldari<br />
|align=center| Macha is a Farseer of the Craftworld of Biel-Tan during the events of the [[Dawn of War]] series. She alongside Gabriel Angelos of the [[Blood Ravens]] and Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter are inescapably linked by fate whether they like it or not.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Macha2.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' [[Taldeer]] '''<br />
|align=center| ''' Craftworlds of [[Ulthwé]]'''<br />
|align=center| Aeldari<br />
|align=center| A Farseer of the Ulthwé Craftworld. During the events of [[Dawn of War]]: Dark Crusade, Taldeer would end up dying at the hands of Azariah Kyras. Her Soul stone was later retrieved by her brother Ronahn. She appears in [[Dawn of War]] 3 as a Ghost Seer (a psychic Wraithknight… and you thought it couldn’t get more broken).<br />
|align=center|[[Image: Farseer taldeer.jpg|thumb|150px|]][[Image: Ghost Seer - Farseer Taldeer.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' Pariah '''<br />
|align=center| ''' Craftworlds'''<br />
|align=center| Corsairs<br />
|align=center| The Daemon Heart. Also named "Kyganil," the Pariah is the “companion” and guide to the [[Ephrael Stern|The Thrice Born]] in the Daemonifuge comics.<br />
|align=center|[[Image: RCO015 Pariah.jpg|thumb|150px|]][[Image: RCO017 Pariah2.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image:Pariah.01.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|align=center|''' Amallyn Shadowguide '''<br />
|align=center| ''' Craftworlds'''<br />
|align=center| Rangers<br />
|align=center| Amallyn has dedicated herself to exploring the Blackstone Fortresses, in order to rediscover ancient Eldar technologies long lost from the distant past.<br />
|align=center|[[Image:Amallyn, blackstone.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|align=center|[[Image:Amallyn shadowguide.jpg|thumb|150px|]]<br />
|-<br />
|}<br />
===Minor Eldar Characters===<br />
* Farseer [[Caerys]] - Farseer of the Kaurava endeavour. From Craftworld Ulthwé.<br />
* Farseer [[Idranel]] - Ulthwé Farseer who tried to stop Tyranids from nomming a craftworld in Subsector Aurelia by getting the [[Orks]] and the [[Blood Ravens]] pissed off. It failed utterly, with special mention going to [[Tarkus]] and his termie armour.<br />
* Farseer [[Eldorath Starbane]] - Farseer of Craftworld Alaitoc. An arrogant bastard who couldn't get over himself and promptly got his ass handed to him by the Necrons.<br />
* Autarch Kayleth - An Autarch of Craftworld Alaitoc. She took charge of the Subsector Aurelia situation after Idranel's death. Is hilariously snarky.<br />
* [[Ronahn]] - [[Pathfinder Team|Pathfinder]]. Born on Ulthwé, but eventually cut ties with his craftworld to wander the stars. Taldeer's brother.<br />
* Autarch Kyre - An Autarch of Craftworld Biel-Tan featured in [[Dawn of War III]]. Incredibly arrogant even by Eldar standards, his misinterpretation of a prophesy he thought referred to him got his dumb ass killed by a daemon he [[Derp|accidentally freed]] and nearly led to a war between Biel-Tan and Ulthwe.<br />
<br />
==Notable Craftworlds==<br />
* [[Craftworld Alaitoc]] - The most structurally rigid of the craftworlds. Their strict adherence to discipline allows them to field a large number Exarchs. On the other plus side, all these rules tend to put off a lot of spehss elves, so they also have a large number of rangers on hand, including elite rangers known as "Pathfinders". The large number of misfits they produce also makes them close to Corsair bands. Currently got their shit kicked by the Imperium after their craftworld was invaded by both the Guard and the Space Marines, due to Dark Eldar dickery. Further sabotaging the Eldar by getting their agents constantly captured, with the Imperium learning most of what they know about the Eldar from Alaitoc's bumbling rangers.<br />
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* [[Craftworld Biel-tan]] - Best known for their military prowess, which allowed them to wipe out invaders. Are on a mission to restore the Eldar Empire, and so are highly protective of Eldar Maiden Worlds, violently murdering any non-Eldar race trying to settle on one under their watch. The most militaristic and xenophobic (more so than usual) of the Craftworlds. As of the Gathering Storm campaign, the Biel-Tan craftworld itself has been heavily damaged after the Yncarne was born and purged a Daemon infestation within its structure at the Battle of Biel-Tan. Subsequently half of Biel-Tan's population remains on the Craftworld, the remaining half either being dead or leaving to join the Ynnari. With their enormous recent loss of life they're quickly headed to becoming Iyanden 2.0.<br />
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* [[Craftworld Iyanden]] - Almost got nommed to death by the [[Tyranids]], including the infamous story of having their avatar trampled to death by a herd of stampeding Carnifexi. They would have been completely eaten, if it wasn't for [[Prince Yriel]], who saved his Craftworld using with his Corsair band and a big fucking spear of doom. Is almost depleted and so reluctantly have to rely on a large number of wraith constructs to help them in battle. Has a history of almost dying, having recently almost died twice more to two Chaos Invasions, making it the Damsel in Distress of Eldar Craftworlds.<br />
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* [[Craftworld Saim-Hann]] - A less-restrained craftworld who likes to go fast. They've even taken a page out of the Orks' book that [[Orks|"da' red wuns go fasta'!"]] as their primary colors are red. Unlike other craftworlds; Saim-Hann takes the concept of the Paths with a grain of salt, and so are more wild and barbaric compared to others (although not a Dark Eldar extreme). Whether this is them just making the best out of their situation or downright retarded (as these were the actions that led to their race's near extinction) is up to debate. Is basically the red, elfy version of the [[White Scars]], only with less Mongolian. Recently following an invasion by a small Death Guard force the Saim-Hann Eldar were forced to cut off a piece of their Craftworld to save it from infection, abandoning the Eldar living on that part and causing them to be posessed by Nurgle Daemons. Whilst Biel-tan, Iyanden and Ulthwe are dying, Alaitoc is useless, Saim-hann just doesn't do much of anything at all.<br />
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* [[Craftworld Ulthwé]] - With Biel-tan and Iyanden both basically dead it is now the largest of the remaining Craftworlds, it specializes in psykers. Ulthwé was caught at the edge of the Eye of Terror's gravity pull, and so could not escape its proximity and the lovecraftian horrors spewing out of it; they're basically the Eldar version of [[Cadia]]; they have been responsible for preventing countless Chaos crusades from ever leaving the Eye, even the Night Lords didn't fancy having to take them on. Due to this, they have a heavy emphasis on the Path of the Seer to help them predict the constant attacks they experience on a daily basis. This emphasis on psykers does have a downside of having less Aspect Warriors on hand compared to others, but compensate for this being the only known Craftworld to have a standing army of professional soldiers known as "Black Guardians" which are more akin to career soldiers than your average militiamen made to answer a call to arms. Also former home of the [[Eldrad|biggest dick]], this side of the Eye of Terror. Currently defenceless and wracked by internal conflict as it splinters into three separate factions.<br />
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* [[Craftworld Altansar]] - Was lost in the Eye of Terror for a while. Then [[Phoenix Lord|Maugan Ra]] dragged it out with his epicness. Are viewed by suspicion by other Eldar due to spending an extended amount of time in the Warp (as an Eldar, no less), but do not dare do anything about it, lest they face the biotitan-bisecting wrath of the Eldar's version of Jetstream Sam.<br />
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* [[Craftworld Iybraesil]] - A matriarchal society with a disproportionately high female population, and has a very high number of Banshee shrines, holding Jain Zar almost as their patron saint. Commissars have warned citizens of the Imperium to stay away from the craftworld, as the perfidious Xenos scum are clearly even more vile and deviant then the rest of their kind. Many brave Imperial citizens have gotten it into their heads that a Craftworld led by ladies must be some form of lewd paradise (and not the highly efficient and professional Craftworld that it is) and have decided to risk their lives in the name of the Emperor to find the Craftworld Iybraesil and [[Sister of Solace|... ahem ... destroy this heresy]].<br />
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* [[Craftworld Yme-Loc]] - Bedecked in their rad grey and orange armour, they are famed for their Bonesingers and producing incredible weapons and equipment, however, got their shit kicked in when the Mechanicus came and beat them up and stole their stuff. Also noted as the most Snoop-dogg attitude craftworld ever. Khorne hounds in the lower decks? Bah, screw that. Mechanicus pillage? No bother! Ravengay marine single-handedly hunting down half of your seer council? Who cares! Vaul taught them to go easy on those things and so they do.<br />
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* [[Craftworld Kaelor]] - A minor Craftworld that took refuge at the furthest borders of the galaxy, developing a unique culture and ruled over by several noble households. Being so isolated from the many conflicts their peers were involved in, it once nearly fell to a re-emergence of [[Slaanesh|pleasure cults]], leading to a civil war. Their livery is a red and yellow scheme, with the Warp Spider a their most prominent choice of aspect warrior.<br />
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* [[Craftworld Il-Kaithe]] - A Craftworld with a particularly strong hatred for Chaos, even by Eldar standards, willing to work alongside almost [[Dark_Eldar|any]] [[The_Imperium_of_Man|faction]] so long as it screws over the Ruinous Powers. Wear rather vivid green and purple armour, and are best known for having Bonesingers skilled enough to march to war with them. More recently screwed over by lore in the [[Psychic Awakening]]: Phoenix Rising book by having a psychic sickness manifest on their Craftworld, causing their forces to start throwing themselves recklessly into various near-suicidal engagements. [[Grimdark|Because, obviously, having one Craftworld with all its shit in order was too much of an ask]].<br />
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* [[Craftworld Mymeara]] - A recently discovered small and stealthy Craftworld, closely connected to the [[Phoenix Lord]] of Irillyth, who led their armies away in a suicide attack to preemptively save them. The focus of Imperial Armour 11 (the Forge World campaign book), they were hiding in an artificial star nebula and <s>were savagely mauled by</s> led a successful distractiong campaign against the [[Space Wolves]] on Betalis to resurrect Irillyth. Thought they were the only surviving Eldar in the galaxy until their recent discovery by some Alaitoc scouts. Plus they're the coolest looking Eldar faction thanks to their blue-green colour shifting armour.<br />
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* [[Craftworld Lugganath]] - A Craftworld that considers the galaxy a lost cause, opting instead to try to find a portal to the Webway big enough to fit an entire continent-sized vessel. Have a large fleet and are popular with their Harlequin and Corsair kin, but reserve a particular hatred for the [[Dark_Eldar|less reputable examples of the Eldar people]]. Which makes sense given they essentially want to live in the same neighbourhood, and no one wants to be within spitting distance of [[Commorragh|the worst place in the galaxy]].<br />
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==Notable Former Craftworlds==<br />
* [[Craftworld Malan'Tai]] - Was invaded by a Tyranid fleet. They almost won as they repulsed most of the invaders, but missed a [[Zoanthrope|particular Zoanthrope]] that could eat Eldar souls (somehow). The nid devoured their craftworld's Infinity Circuit and singlehandedly vaporized the entire place. N'Kari, a Slaaneshi [[Keeper of Secrets]], later visited the ruined craftworld to molest any spirit stones still left over after the party, but was cockblocked by the [[Grey Knights]].<br />
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* [[Craftworld Idharae]] - A small lightly populated Craftworld that suffered horribly casualties fighting off [[Hive fleet Naga]]. After suffering even more loses helping both Iyanden to defeat some Tyranids and defending the Maiden world Eth-aelas, the Craftworld was left weak and desperately under populated. The Invaders Space Marine Chapter took advantage of their desperate state to launch an all out assault alongside the legion of the Damned and other Imperial forces, leaving the Craftworld a floating wreckage, despite Eldrad's attempts to save them (or, knowing Eldrad's track record, because of his efforts to help them).<br />
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* [[Yvraine#Craftworld_Zaisuthra|Craftworld Zaisuthra]] - Submitted to [[Genestealer]]s in order to preserve their souls from Slaanesh since they lacked Infinity Circuit technology. Tried to bait Ynnari to get to Iyanden. Wiped by Yncarne.<br />
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==See Also==<br />
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Eldar (9E)|Tactics on how to play them.]]<br />
*[[High Elves]] for the [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle|Warhammer Fantasy]] equivalent of the Craftworld Eldar.<br />
*[[Wood Elves (Warhammer)|Wood Elves]] for the Fantasy equivalent of Exodite Eldar.<br />
*[[Dark Elves]] for the shipborne life, a subfaction in exile and their worship of Khaine.<br />
*[[Eldar Craftworld Creation Tables]]<br />
*[[Eldar World]]<br />
*[[Love Can Bloom]]<br />
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==Gallery==<br />
{{Promotions}}<br />
<gallery><br />
File:Myar.jpg|Where da elf women at?<br />
File:DireAvengerFemale.jpg|In the elf kitchen, duh.<br />
Image:Harlequin_2.jpg |Also, butts.<br />
Image:Biel-tan_Craftworld.jpg|One of their homes, Craftworld Biel-Tan.<br />
Image:YvraineMeshi.jpg| Yvraine regrets [[Dungeon Meshi|partying up]] with the Mon'keigh.<br />
File:Lew.jpg|{{greentext|They think they're superior!}}<br />
Image:1386545059205.gif|The main reason /tg/ likes Eldar.<br />
File:HowlingShee.jpg|Dem hips (now there's at least two alien babes with great hips)<br />
Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|This is what happens if you forget your soul stone (despite being pervy fan art, this is probably close to canon to a degree).<br />
Image:Harlequin.jpg|Eldar Harlequin are ancient keepers of knowledge long blah blah blah, sexy clown fetish.<br />
Image:Elfdar_Boob_Attack.jpg|Farseers are known to be able to render you useless in combat without using weapo-{{BLAM|'''*CLICK*'''}}OH FUCK!<br />
Image:Elite_Beat_Eldar_Divas_by_IronShrineMaiden.jpg|Apparently the Imperium occasionally goes into alliances with the Eldar. This is basically all the space elves really do. It's all they NEED to do, though. +10 to all Initiative rolls!<br />
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|Eldar are also pretty [[orky]], didn't you know?<br />
Image:Eldar forces.jpg|<br />
Image:Eldar-past glory.jpg|<br />
Image:Eldar- dark legacy.jpg|<br />
Image:Eldar-Dawn of War 3.png|<br />
Image:Eldar -concept art.jpg|<br />
Image:Eternal Crusade-Eldar.jpg|<br />
Image:Eldar ranger character.jpg|<br />
Image:Savage Eldar warrior.jpg|<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
==Navigation==<br />
{{Eldar-Forces}}<br />
{{40k-Eldar-Weapons}}<br />
{{WH40k-Factions}}<br />
{{Template:Important Species in 40k}}<br />
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[[Category:NSFW]]<br />
[[Category: Xenos]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=BattleTech&diff=1009121BattleTech2026-03-21T14:29:32Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008993 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
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[[Image:NEW-BT-LOGOFLAT.png|NEW-BT-LOGOFLAT.png|center]]<br />
{{Game Infobox<br />
|name = BattleTech<br />
|picture = [[Image:NEW-BT-LOGOFLAT.png|200px]]<br />
|type = [[Wargame]]<br />
|publisher = [[Catalyst Game Labs]]<br />
|playno = Billions<br />
|year = 1984<br />
|books = Total Warfare or The BattleMech Manual<br />
}}<br />
{{topquote|It is the 31st century, a time of endless wars that rage across human-occupied space. As star empires clash, these epic wars are won and lost by BattleMechs, 23-56 foot tall humanoid metal titans bristling with lasers, autocannons and dozens of other lethal weapons; enough firepower to level entire city blocks. Your elite force of MechWarriors drives these juggernauts into battle, proudly holding your faction's flag high, intent on expanding the power and glory of your realm. At their beck and call are the support units of armored vehicles, power armored infantry, aerospace fighters and more, wielded by a MechWarrior's skillful command to aid him in ultimate victory. Will they become legends, or forgotten casualties? Only your skill and luck will determine their fate!|Product promotional tagline}}<br />
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'''BattleTech''', or '''MechWarrior''' as most of the non-neckbearded populace know it, is a tabletop [[wargame]] about armies of giant robots fighting one another for honor, money, and territory in a far-distant feudal future. Think [[Star Wars]] AT-STs, or [[Warhammer 40,000]]'s [[Imperial Knight|Imperial Knights]] (Games Workshop decided they liked Battlemechs too). It’s also perhaps the most realistic example of walker warfare. Using their size to mount sufficient energy generation and armor that they are fast enough, maneuverable enough, and armored enough that being a bullet magnet does not matter. Using their vertical build to mount numerous huge weapons that each would take up all the space on most tanks modern militaries would consider super-heavy. Usually operating in combined arms warfare and supported by tanks, hovercraft, aircraft, and infantry. Not sinking into the ground like its quicksand because dirt reaches maximum compression very quickly (and thus all anti-mech arguments are rendered invalid by combined arms, armor, power-plant, firepower, and actual science), and so on. The realism of the technology (if not the moronic House Lords and nonsensical events) is so great it could be a glimpse into the future. Y’know, before Bolos come along and replace everything.<br />
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This article is mostly concerned with the fluff and story of BattleTech. If you're looking for a guide to getting into the game in the first place, check out [[Starting Battletech]]. If you're looking for the hardware itself, please go to [[BattleMech]].<br />
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==Holy Crap, Giant Robots Are Awesome==<br />
[[Image:Batdroid.jpg|thumb|right|''Battledroids'', the first edition of the game, c. 1984, with the <s>Destroid Tomahawk</s> Unseen Warhammer on the cover. A ''literally''-textbook example on how to get sued nine different ways from Sunday.]]<br />
In the early 1980s, [[Jordan Weisman]] was [[Weeaboo|fascinated]] by several Japanese [[anime]] involving giant robots, or "[[mecha]]." He was quoted as saying that he liked the designs and idea of giant robots fighting on the battlefield, but did not have a taste for the storylines that the Japanese wrote about them. In 1984, Weisman founded [[FASA]] and acquired the licenses to designs from several series, the most famous being ''Super Dimension Fortress Macross,'' though the largest portion came from ''Fang of the Sun Dougram'' and combined them to make BattleTech.<br />
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The first edition of this game, called ''Battledroids'', was a hex-based boardgame played on a battlefield illustrated with various types of terrain. It came with two large plastic minis of featured mechs, imported from Japan. Initially, sales were mediocre as the sheer size of the 'Mechs made them awkward in gameplay. Soon after the launch of ''Battledroids'' Lucasfilm filed a lawsuit against FASA for using the name "droids," which they had trademarked in 1978. Discretion being the better part of valor, FASA changed the name of the game to BattleTech in time for the second edition printing in 1986. This time, cardboard stand-ins replaced the plastic miniatures, and a tradition was born. To this day, BattleTech can be played without purchasing any physical models and with any proxy you please.<br />
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Following the release of the second edition, fans of the game clamored for new miniatures. FASA obliged, rescaling their 'Mechs for more convenient play and designing a host of in-house 'Mechs to broaden variety and bridge the gap between the sleek Macross and crude Dougram designs. New models notwithstanding, the third edition was shipped with solely Macross and Dougram-based minis. However, in 1995 [[That Guy|Harmony]] [[Rage|Gold]], an American localization company which had licensed the international distribution and toy rights to SDF Macross, issued a C&D against FASA for the use of all mecha designs from the Macross franchise. FASA ceased production of these miniatures, which were among the most popular designs in the franchise, and published a fourth edition of the game in 1996 again featuring cardboard tokens, which were all based on their own original 'Mechs.<br />
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BattleTech hasn't had true new edition of the rules since 1995. Rulebooks and material published in '95 are still usable today in 2022. There have been a few box sets and other releases since then, including two entire side games. The first came in the mid 2000s, and was called MechWarrior: Dark Age. A Clix-based game that abandoned the traditional hex grid and was sold with pre-painted miniatures in blind bundles, Dark Age lasted from 2003 to 2007. It attracted some new players but various decisions alienated a lot of the playerbase, and in the end classic BattleTech outlived it. The other was Alpha Strike. Published in 2013, Alpha Strike uses the same miniatures and background as BattleTech, but uses a faster paced rules system with less detail and a focus on larger clashes of 'Mechs. Alpha Strike exists in parallel to BattleTech, and is still receiving support with a new box set being released in 2022.<br />
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Through the 2010s, BattleTech in something of a lull. After the closing of the Dark Age line and the shift to focus on classic BattleTech and Alpha Strike, the narrative spent effort filling in the sixty year time skip that Dark Age started with. As a game, BattleTech had issues - the market was crowded and BattleTech, alone out of its competition, didn't have access to decent plastic 'Mechs. An anniversary box set released in 2012 came with 26 plastic 'Mechs, but they were of low quality and plagued with miscasts and missing pieces, so the majority of miniatures were still cast in metal. This changed at the beginning of 2019.<br />
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In January of 2019, BattleTech was on a major upswing. After the release of the generally well-received PC game from Harebrained Schemes (titled BattleTech but often called HBS BattleTech to distinguish it from the tabletop), the property was in a good position, and Catalyst Game Labs released two new box sets - the first was the BattleTech: Beginner Box and the second was BattleTech: A Game of Armored Combat. These came with a total of 9 new miniatures (two in the Beginner Box and eight in AGoAC, with one duplicate between them), but these were only the first pebbles of the avalanche. In June of 2019, Catalyst announced a Kickstarter campaign to raise the funding for a new box set: BattleTech: Clan Invasion. The campaign reached its goal in less than seven minutes, and in the end it lead to not only the Clan Invasion box with seven Clan miniatures, but a range of Force Packs, each having a set of 4, five, or 6 miniatures. Nine Inner Sphere lance packs, nine Clan Star packs, and two ComStar Level II packs were released in all, priced at $25, $30, and $35 and containing four, five, and six miniatures respectively. The Kickstarter was an absolute success, and while the Covid-19 pandemic disrupted delivery, by 2021 the 'Mechs were in players' hands and on store shelves. For the first time in its nearly forty year history, BattleTech had a complete line of plastic miniatures. All had been redesigned to match modern aesthetics (and eliminate certain legal troubles), many of them by noted /tg/ artist ShimmeringSword, who had been hired based on 'Mech fanart he posted to /tg/.<br />
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As of 2022, the plastic release train is still going strong - in April, Catalyst announced a new Kickstarter campaign titled BattleTech: Mercenaries, along with a set of six mercenary themed Force Packs and a new box set for Alpha Strike. The story has advanced significantly, moving the "current" of BattleTech into a new era known as the ilClan, and the first plastic miniatures for this era are trickling in with a Regent in one of the Mercenary force packs. The 32nd century may be a dark time, but for BattleTech players, the future is bright.<br />
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===The Mechs===<br />
{{topquote|Shoot for his cockpit! [[Iron Hands|Kill the meat]], [[Adeptus Mechanicus|save the metal.]]|Sergeant Robert "Deadeye" Unther, ''MechWarrior 2: Mercenaries - Training Tutorial''}}<br />
BattleTech 'Mechs function and are utilized more like tanks with legs than the super-agile flying mecha common in Japanese depictions. 'Mechs are deployed in formations of four or five, called lances in the Inner Sphere and stars in the Clans. They are able to operate in space, on planets with caustic atmospheres, underwater, and in a wide range of temperatures that would be lethal to unprotected humans. One of the biggest upsides of 'Mechs as combat vehicles is their extreme efficiency-of-arms: an effectively limitless amount of time without requiring fuel due to their fusion reactors alongside hyper-efficient Myomer 'muscles' inside the BattleMech’s limbs that can carry more weapons and armor per-ton than any other combat platform in existence. The only things stopping a 'Mech from being able to fight forever are ammunition, repairs, and allowing the pilot to rest. Even when a 'Mech is destroyed, losing the pilot is a relatively rare occurrence thanks to very effective ejection systems. A destroyed 'Mech chassis can also be salvaged and rebuilt to fight another day, good as new. In the early 3000s setting this means many 'Mechs are often decades or even hundreds of years old, Ship of Theseus-style. Some 'Mechs even have unique identities and/or affiliations with certain royal Houses or mercenary families. Also, as stated in the quote above, it's not uncommon for cash-strapped mercenaries, pirates, or even planetary militia to prioritize aiming for the cockpit and/or forcing MechWarriors to eject from overheating/battle damage in order to claim the surviving BattleMech wreckage for salvage or as a spoil of war.<br />
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As far as locomotion styles, bipedal 'Mechs are the most common, with the weapon systems mounted either in the torso compartments or on the arms. Quadrupedal 'Mechs do exist but are relatively rare, they are slower than bipedal 'Mechs and don't offer the same amount of weapon space for a given weight class and more legs (and more everything else) on a 'Mech means, of course, greater expenses. Even rarer are tripod 'Mechs, generally restricted to experimental super-heavy designs. Bipedal 'Mechs can also grasp things in their hands (if they have them) like melee weapons or pesky tanks. Early versions of BattleTech feature 'Mechs that could transform into fighter planes, but these were dropped relatively quickly in its life cycle due to copyright problems.<br />
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The main downside of 'Mechs is their inability to efficiently manage heat buildup. Heat is generated by the fusion reactor, the environment, movement, and mostly as a result of firing weapons. 'Mechs mount multiple gigantic one-ton heatsink units to deal with this buildup, but it is a constant problem for pilots to manage. 'Mechs that feature a lot of energy-based weapons will generate especially high levels of heat, and therefore manage very poorly in extremely hot environments. Firing all the weapons of certain 'Mech variants at once (the ''Nova'' 'Mech is most infamous) can cause it to overheat to such an extent that the reactor core melts down before the heatsinks can shunt the heat out of the chassis, which is bad. Safety measures that shut down the entire 'Mech when it reaches a certain temperature threshold are always installed, but since this usually happens in a combat situation, and thus leaves the 'Mech defenseless, some pilots will intentionally disable the safeguards to take their chances. Depending on the technology level of a given game, more efficient heatsinks can be assigned to 'Mechs that remove heat more quickly and allow hotter builds. The fluff also mentions some experimental heatsinks that changed the heat energy to light (<strike>???</strike>Actually plausible, we have been experimenting with this concept irl) but had the downside of making the 'Mech look like a walking rave, as well as heatsinks that utilized caustic liquids to move heat faster but with a limited lifespan. <br />
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Weapons consist of three general categories: ballistic, energy, and missile. Each has its own strengths and weakness: ballistic weapons weigh more, require ammo, but do not generate much heat, energy weapons are the opposite, and missiles generate some heat/consume ammo but can be indirectly fired with targeting data from scouts. Outfitting a 'Mech for the proper engagement is key to obtaining victory: 'Mechs outfitted for 'Mech-to-'Mech combat will generally mount only high-damage weapons with lower ammo counts and slower rates of fire, while 'Mechs set for vehicle and infantry combat will mount weapons that fire quickly but do lower damage per shot. Likewise, 'Mechs that do not expect steady resupply will mount more energy weapons so they are not beholden to ammo counts.<br />
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BattleMechs range between 20 to 100 tons in four weight classes, though a few experimental units lie outside these ranges. The weight classes are light (20-35 tons), medium (40-55 tons), heavy (60-75 tons), and assault (80-100 tons). Considering their size (23-56 feet), that's pretty light; the Maus (33 feet long and 11 feet high) mega-tank that Adolf Hitler demanded weighed 188 tons. (One possible explanation here is that the "tonnage" in a weight class isn't the weight of the 'Mech, but rather the weight available to mount things on the chassis. So an Atlas assault 'Mech has 100 tons of available space for reactor, life support, weapons, armor etc, explaining why various sub-types of a 'Mech drop something and replace it with something else of equal weight. A Flea light 'Mech has 20 tons). Rarer still are super heavy 'Mechs (with weights between 110 to 200 tons). While they are walking fortresses that put even Assault Mechs to shame, they tend to be ridiculously expensive, extremely slow, have issues with supporting that weight, are vulnerable to attacks from swarms of smaller enemies like tanks, and have difficulty installing reactors with sufficient power. Top sustainable speeds of 'Mechs vary from 32.4 kph (20 mph) for the assault ''Annihilator'' to 162 kph (101 mph) for the light ''Firemoth'' scout. Keep in mind that the American M1A1 Abrams tank has a top speed of 72 kph (45 mph) on a paved road and much less crossing difficult terrain. 'Mechs can also be mounted with rechargeable jump jets that give them the ability to hop across the battlefield or up/down terrain. According to varying fluff depictions, 'Mechs are even able to climb up/down cliff walls and perform flying dropkicks to enemy cockpits, which is [[awesome]].<br />
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Depending on where in the timeline the specific game takes place (this is a player choice), there will be two possible classes of mechs: [[BattleMech]]s and [[OmniMech]]s. BattleMechs are the older style, with a set number of variants that cannot be changed in the field. This style was universal in the Inner Sphere before the arrival of the Clans. OmniMechs, a Clan invention, feature a modular construction style and a snap-on software integration which gives them the freedom of changing loadouts quickly. For example, a ''Dragon'' BattleMech comes in a default configuration consisting of one LRM-10, one Autocannon/5, and two medium lasers. The -1C variant replaces the Autocannon/5 with an Autocannon/2 and more armor, while the -5N upgrades the Autocannon/5 to an Ultra Autocannon/5. A pilot must use one of these variants and is incapable of changing the loadout without serious hours-long reworking of the 'Mech's internals in a 'Mech maintenance facility. Conversely, a ''Mad Dog'' OmniMech comes with a default configuration of two LRM-20s, two medium pulse lasers, and two large pulse lasers. A pilot is able to modify this loadout as they see fit within less than an hour with a technical team, say dropping the two medium pulse lasers for more missile ammo/armor or changing the LRMs to SRMs for short-range engagements.<br />
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Like most Western sci-fi series, BattleMechs are somewhat inspired by real theoretical technologies; their weapons range from machine guns (albeit very big ones) and missiles, to coilguns and particle accelerators. The biggest leaps from reality (aside from FTL travel and communications) are the fusion reactor, (a technology still only theoretically possible,) the neurohelmet, (which interfaces with the pilot's brain and keeps the 'Mech upright based on the pilot's own sense of balance,) and the massive muscle-like Myomer fibers that actually allow the 'Mech to move upon being exposed to electrical current.<br />
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While BattleMechs dominate the battlefields of BattleTech, armored vehicles still have a place. Most of the time, tanks, hovercraft, and APCs are used where 'Mechs would be too expensive (or too advanced) to maintain, or in roles where a 'Mech would be ineffective. This means that, in addition to BattleMechs, one can find infantry, vehicles, aerial vehicles, naval vehicles, and spaceships. It is worth noting that vehicles can be a real threat to BattleMechs in great enough numbers, since they mount the same weapons as 'Mechs. Some tanks can also push the 100-ton limit and sport the gigantic weaponry usually mounted on an Assault 'Mech chassis. In other words, where 'Mechs are [[Space Marines]], the vehicles are more akin to [[Eldar]] Aspects.<br />
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BattleMechs in BattleTech fiction also have a curious tendency to go up in a mini nuclear explosion when their reactor core is breached by weapon fire. Mushroom clouds, explosions, heat, radiation, the whole bit. This has been nicknamed "stackpoling" after BattleTech novel author Michael Stackpole, who includes at least one of these events in each novel he writes. If the reactor was actually breached, what should happen is a meltdown of the reactor (and probably some chunks of the surrounding 'Mech) that quickly burns out because the reactor can't maintain the fusion reaction without proper containment. Reactors are generally incapable of generating an actual nuclear explosion: real-world reactor "explosions" are usually a result of the coolant flash-overheating and generating a pressure-based steam explosion that destroys the reactor building. Lingering radiation would still be a problem of course, but that is usually handwaved away in BattleTech fluff or not mentioned at all. <br />
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To get into the actual science of this, a hypothetical fusion reactor wouldn't produce that many radioactive substances. And what few they do would be relatively short lived and would be weak beta emitters. The most likely substance would be Tritium, which is where the stereotypical glow in the dark green radiation comes from. The 'Mech would glow in the dark but a decent decontamination process would render it mostly harmless. In other words, the stories are right for the wrong reasons.<br />
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More on actual science. A containment breach would produce a pretty big explosion. The reactor (assuming H+H fusion, which seems reasonable since we never hear anything about deuterium or H3 mining) would be operating at something close to 15,000,000K temperature and 250,000,000,000 atmospheres of pressure to induce fusion. Assuming there's a couple of cubic meters of gas being contained at those pressures by magnetic fields and surrounded by a few more cubic meters of vacuum, a sudden and catastrophic loss of containment would almost certainly cause an explosion that would cause a mushroom cloud and be easy to mistake for a small nuclear weapon.<br />
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==Warfare in the Thirty-first Century==<br />
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When somebody decides to attack another world, they load up their 'Mechs (and tanks, and infantry, etc...) onto massive shuttles called [[BattleTech_Spacecraft#DropShips|DropShips]]. These boost off into space and link up with JumpShips, semi-mobile Space-Fold drives sitting a ways out into the star's system (due to the limits of BattleTech FTL, JumpShips can't get any closer to a system's star than a radius roughly around the orbit of Saturn in the Sol System. For simplicity's sake, most JumpShips move to the zenith or nadir points directly "above" or "below" the star's orbital plane). The DropShips latch onto the JumpShips, which make a series of jumps from star to star until they reach the target system. <br />
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Compared to some sci-fi franchises such as Star Wars or Star Trek, aerospace combat between ships isn’t really that common for several reasons. For one, KF Drive used to propel JumpShips (all of which can’t land on a planet) makes up 95% of its mass and leaves little room for anything else besides DropShip docking ports, basic ship equipment, crew quarters, and the Jumpsail used for recharging the drive. And while Warships do exist with drives half the size as their civilian models, the drives alone are more than five times more expensive to build and are prioritized for only strategically-vital missions, like real-life Dreadnoughts. In that regard, BattleTech’s JumpShips are closer to Dune’s massive but ungainly Heighliners, which transport combatants between stars and planets, but lack any inherent ability to fight, than Star War’s Star Destroyers, which are capable of both transporting combat units between stars and planets and are themselves capable of fighting. As a result, most aerospace combat is dominated by armed DropShips or aerospace fighters. Orbital and naval blockades are a thing but not typically used frequently due to how much firepower is required for a planetary scale.<br />
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Once they reach the destination (normally the "northern" or "southern" jump points of a star), the DropShips detach from the JumpShips and burn deeper into the system towards the targeted planet. Now JumpShips aren't stealthy, so anyone on the target planet likely detected their entrance into the system, and it typically takes DropShips seven days (varies dramatically for each star system) to reach the planet. Surprise attacks are nearly impossible, and defenders will have up to a week to get ready (some clever, smart, or just plain foolish people try to shave time by trying to match the target world's orbit with a nonstandard point closer to the planet, or even rare "Pirate" points caused by gravitational interactions between celestial bodies, but even this usually gives defenders at least a day to prepare, not to mention the hilarious habit of Pirate points to just mangle JumpShips attempting to use them beyond recognition). In reality however, points in space where gravitational forces balance out aren’t actually rare (they're called [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lagrange_point Lagrange points] in real life) and there are five of those null-gravity points just for the Sun-Earth system, along with five more for the Earth-Moon system, and five more again for every other pair of celestial bodies orbiting each other that you care to name. Those points can be so close to destinations of strategic interest that by BattleTech standards, it would take probably just a few minutes to reach the Earth from one of its own null gravity points, seeing as BT DropShips can reach Sol's zenith (the Sun's "northern" null-G point) or nadir (the Sun's "southern" null-G point) in just a few days from Earth, i.e., crossing more than the distance of one Astronomical Unit, or 150 million kilometres, in a strategically-insignificant amount of time. <br />
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As the invading force reaches planetary orbit, the defenders will usually try to intercept them with their own defensive ships, usually DropShips, Shuttles, Aerospace Fighters, and Conventional Fighters (like the [[Mechbuster]]) while the Attackers will launch fighters of their own. Space battle will begin in earnest as the defenders try to keep the enemy from landing on world at all (FASA originally had two separate games, Aerotech and Battlespace, that dealt with this stage of combat, but current BattleTech rules incorporate Aerospace combat for those who prefer it or want the full Theater of War experience). <br />
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If the Attackers can break through the orbital defenders, they can choose their landing site (usually near the target of course) and deploy either via a combat drop with [[Drop Pod|Drop Pods]] launched from DropShips or via DropShips landing at a secure LZ. The enemy will deploy to stop them and battle begins in earnest with ground combat typically consisting of combined-arms use of infantry, battle-armored troops, conventional armored vehicles, artillery, and BattleMechs. Meanwhile, any air assets in the form of aerospace or conventional fighters will duke it out to secure air superiority for shipping reinforcements via air drop, or trying to take out enemy ground units from above.<br />
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==Fluff==<br />
[[File:Mad_Cat.jpg|300px|thumb|right|The [[Timber Wolf]] (Mad Cat if you're <s>Inner Sphere</s> <s>Freebirth Scum</s> Degrazi), one of the most iconic BattleMechs in the series.]]<br />
{{topquote|A thousand horrid Prodigies foretold it.<br>A feeble government, eluded Laws,<br>A factious Populace, luxurious Nobles,<br>And all the maladies of stinking states.|Dr. Samuel "[[Meme|What The Fuck Am I Reading]]" Johnson}}<br />
Much like [[Games Workshop|Warhammer]], the BattleTech franchise has an extensive expanded universe. Dozens of books, numerous spinoff games, video games in multiple genres, and even an animated cartoon have delved into the setting and created an entertaining, if convoluted, history that has real influences on how the game is played. Unlike Warhammer, there are no [[Xenos]] (outside of some cavemen-like species), so humans get all the glory (and blame).<br />
<br />
===History of the Inner Sphere===<br />
After a period of typical [[Cold War]]-era speculative history: in details, the Soviet leadership is inherited by a fictional hardliner in the 80s and the Union survives until the 2010s where it splits in the Second Soviet Civil War (this was retconned in as the game was made when the USSR hadn't collapsed yet). The appointment of a hardliner leads to NATO reforming into the Western Alliance along with the proto-EU. The Western Alliance helps the split post-Soviet Eurasian states, is joined by China and other Asian countries after a brief crisis and eventually mankind was mostly united under the Western Alliance, having renamed itself to the Terran Alliance and discovered how to travel faster-than-light by opening up artificial wormholes.<br />
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By 2235, most of mankind's interstellar colonies, already mistrustful of the heavy-handed Alliance, threw off the yoke of the Alliance in the '''Outer Reaches Rebellion''' and formed their own stellar nation-states. What followed was a period of war and chaos which led to the rise of the '''Great Houses''', feudal dynasties of powerful families adhering to various pseudo-historical ideals (like Kurita's [[Japan]] fetishism, specifically the most evil aspects of WWII Japan and every other Asian countries' worst parts of their histories up to eleven) competing for total dominance of mankind. However Terra, as Earth became known after its [[Terra|Latin name]], remained the most technologically-advanced star nation, and remained unconquered by the competing Great Houses who turned their focus on one another instead.<br />
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Shortly after the eve of this '''Age of War''', once the Terran Alliance left the far-off colonies to fend for themselves, its bickering political parties were subject to a coup by the charismatic Admiral James McKenna with support from the populace. He reformed the Alliance into the Terran Hegemony and eventually, his titles were inherited by a distant cousin in House Cameron. In addition, both the colonies and Terra began placing more emphasis on nobility-based peerage to handle planetary governance, education, and manufacturing instead of the loathed vote-buying that defined the corrupt Alliance. This is one of the reasons for the severe technological stagnation that is a hallmark of the BattleTech universe. After all, any idiot knows that [[wat|destroying a factory or all of a certain factory production and all such factories means the knowledge of how to build their products magically disappears and the knowledge of how to build those factories poofed away the moment they were built anyway as that is the only explanation conceivable for why destroyed factories were not simply replaced and why the knowledge disappeared from every paper, computer, and mind]]; after all, universities and libraries can still preserve knowledge while remaining civilian institutions. Obviously space magic is to blame... or [[Derp|exceptionally short-sighted writers]] who’ll wave it off as [[Medieval Stasis|neo-feudalism in space]].<br />
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The main reason for the lack of tech was due to the Terran Hegemony hoarding most of the good tech for themselves and the Star League Defence Force. ER Lasers, XL Fusion engines, Pulse Lasers and so on were all SLDF exclusives, and the vast majority of advanced tech was only produced in the Terran Hegemony, which was utterly wrecked in the [[Amaris Civil War]]. Universities and libraries were nuked alongside military targets, and the BattleTech universe lacks a true internet expy, making dissemenating information even by HPG a slow, expensive process. Any advanced tech factories or research institutes left after the Amaris Civil War vanished in the nuclear firestorm of the First Succession War. It took 80 years of more or less constant warfare before the great houses decided that blowing up civillian targets wasn't such a good idea. AND THEN, [[ComStar]] decided that [[Adeptus Mechanicus|nobody but them should have nice things so they started assassinating anyone who might make things better and stealing their research]]. Nobody really bothered trying to build a new university for actual research until 3015, when the Davions built the NAIS and the moment it looked like the NAIS might actually make some progress in reversing the technological decline, ComStar tried to blow it up. They failed, and the Federated Suns figuring out that ComStar was behind the attack marked the start of the decline in ComStar's influence.<br />
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To be clear, the given reason for how the neo-feudalism came about was due to oppression, social inertia, and interstellar communication lag. Before the invention of the HPG in 2630 (5 centuries after the KF Drive) it took weeks and months for planets to send updates on their status to their national capital and the entirety of the nation. Yet other than the Federated Suns good bois and to an extent the Lyran Commonwealth, most other nations don't have the same problems that destroyed the Alliance despite being oppressive. Super oppressive. Which begs one to question how the hell the Outer Reaches Rebellion happened outside of the same tension that tore the Star League apart later. And it still doesn't explain how the neo-feudalism came about as it would make much more sense to have technocratic administrators selected by merit to manage regions of space instead of giving someone and their offspring the level of authority an ancient noble would have had. Perhaps it began the same way some monarchies are known to have: lords (or whatever name for a rose you want to use) being basically miniature kings of their local areas who united and elected a royal dynasty from among their number to handle external affairs beyond their national borders.<br />
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In 2349, the Terran Hegemony introduced the first BattleMech, the 100-ton '''[[Mackie|MSK-6S Mackie]]''', and the face of war changed forever.<br />
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===Mechs Just Got Real===<br />
The introduction of the ''Mackie'' shifted the focus of military development away from interstellar Warships back to ground forces. The Terran Hegemony was able to prove that the 100-ton BattleMech was far superior to conventional ground vehicles (interestingly, the Terran Hegemony's main battle tank was <s>the Israeli Merkava</s> named Merkava but utterly unrelated to the Israeli tank of the same name), allowing a single man to destroy formations of opposing non-'Mechs. Of course, the rest of the Inner Sphere wanted the same capability, and in 2355 the plans for the BattleMech were stolen (as usual, the writers don’t realize that stealing a design is pointless if you don’t know how to build all the parts...like myomer (Myomer that was already a popular material throughout the Inner Sphere, used in the IndustrialMechs before the Mackie was even a concept). ). The Age of the BattleMech had begun.<br />
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During the next hundred years, as the Great Houses vied for supremacy and founded the nucleus of the future Successor States, the Terran Hegemony was able to exert great influence as the most technologically-advanced and neutral of the great powers. This would lead to the creation of the '''[[Star League]]''' in 2571, a grand union of all of humanity's interstellar nations. While ostensibly created for the purpose of uniting mankind and keeping the peace between the stars, it was also a massive power play by Terra to secure the raw materials it needed to maintain its technological edge and once more bring mankind under Terra's dominion. In keeping with the feudal society that now dominated mankind's worlds, the position of First Lord of the Star League was invested in Terra's ruling House, the Cameron dynasty.<br />
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While Hidden Wars would plague the Star League throughout its reign, no conflicts were fought between its members as long as the Star League Defense Force kept the peace between factions. Terra's hoard of advanced technologies were shared freely among the worlds of man, and a new Golden Age descended.<br />
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It all came to an end in 2766. The last of the Camerons was assassinated by Stefan Amaris, a power-hungry politician from the Periphery, the ring of interstellar nations that had refused to join the Star League and had been conquered for their trouble. Claiming the mantle of Emperor of the Star League and Director-General of the Terran Hegemony, Amaris was immediately denounced by the commander of the SLDF, Aleksandr Kerensky.<br />
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===A New Dark Age===<br />
[[File:Aleksandr Kerensky.jpg|thumb|right|"Fuck you guys, I'm out." - Aleksandr Kerensky, Great Father of Clans]]<br />
The [[Amaris Civil War]] destroyed the League, and led to a new Dark Age. The Great Houses, throwing off their loyalty to Terra, refused to aid either Amaris or Kerensky, and waited for the war to pass. Kerensky emerged the victor, but with the Cameron dynasty ended the other Great Houses began to vie for position of First Lord of the Star League. Disgusted by the politicking and betrayal, in 2784 Kerensky took the greater portion of the SLDF into exile beyond the Periphery. Those who remained pledged their loyalty to the Star League's last civil authority, the Ministry of Communication, which would later become ComStar, the sole provider of internet connections between worlds. Thus the Star League lost its last measure of power, and the Great Houses began the First Succession War.<br />
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[[Succession Wars|Four Succession Wars]], over the course of two centuries, would follow. Never would a Great House gain enough strength to declare itself master of mankind, especially since none would ever conquer Terra. Technology would [[Imperium of Man|stagnate and regress]], creating the Lostech phenomenon, technology which mankind could no longer reproduce, maintain, or even understand. Where before feudalism had been a political phenomenon, hundreds of worlds across the Inner Sphere regressed to or below the technological level of the 20th Century, and hundreds more in the Periphery failed entirely. The sole bright spot was [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Comstar]], the corporate religious entity which maintained the Hyper Pulse Generator network that enabled FTL communications between inhabited worlds. ComStar became the rulers of Terra in the wake of the Star League's collapse, and leveraged their control of the HPG network to ensure their inviolability in exchange for maintaining the incomprehensible HPG networks and neutral treatment of all communications between worlds. In order to maintain their power, they would actively [[Grimdark|sabotage, headhunt, or kill]] all promising technological advancements and promising scientists to maintain their monopoly and techno-religious authority. To be fair, unlike a certain [[Adeptus Mechanicus|cargo cult]], ComStar intervened because they realized the Great Houses were psychopaths and couldn’t be allowed to advance. Also, they were actually loyal-ish to the Star League and hated the Great Houses.<br />
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Eventually the Inner Sphere would stabilize around the Great Houses and their associated stellar empires. However, technological progress remained stagnant, and the rare factories capable of producing such advanced technologies as BattleMechs became critical components in the shattered military-industrial complexes of the so-called Successor States. Millions would die so that a LED monitor factory could be taken by one side, or so that a hundred precision-machined laser lenses could be plundered from a forgotten SLDF armory. Real progress towards recovery could only be made after large caches of information which survived the fall of the Star League were recovered; the most significant were the recovery of a long-lost Star League university's library in 3013, and the recovery and free dissemination of the contents of the Helm Memory Core in 3028. In 3028, the two largest and most powerful Successor States, the Federated Suns and the Lyran Commonwealth, were united by dynastic marriage, and it seemed that a new Golden Age might be only decades away. <br />
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But the Inner Sphere had forgotten all about Kerensky's exodus, and nobody wants ''Peace'' to break out in a wargame setting, soooo...<br />
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===Suddenly Clannerscum===<br />
Kerensky and his followers first settled on the Pentagon Worlds, where they tried to start a new society and a new Star League. They failed though, and the wars erupted between the worlds, showing the bitter irony of life. Kerensky tried to move on, but suffered a heart attack, and the leadership was overtaken by his son, Nicholas Kerensky (who unlike his father had hair and was probably a closet [[furry]]). Nicholas took the remaining followers with him to a planet he called "Dream Land" and established the twenty original Clans.<br />
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The Clans are a tribal society that is divided into five castes - Warriors (religious and political leaders and soldiers), Scientists (less respected but are considered highly important), Merchants (detested and only kept as a necessity), Technicians (engineers and warriors' servants), and Laborers (serfs, repressed as needed). Although during the birth each child is tested for their relevance to a certain caste, but more often than not are the same as their parents. Speaking of which, Clanners strongly believe in eugenics, and most of the Warrior Caste members are genetically enhanced clones/mashups. Other castes are selectively bred by the instructions from Science Caste. On a positive side it would mean that even [[neckbeard|neckbeards]] would end up breeding (though given the Clan's brutal meritocracy/kratocracy, they'd end up as outcasts in the Bandit Caste). On the other hand, the society has only a few acceptable non-technical forms of information, meaning that there really is no reason for there to be neckbeards. Paradoxes aside, Clans were created towards efficiency, and even their language differs from the one used in the Inner Sphere. Clans constantly compete in everything, from combat to technological prowess, as they foresaw their return to the Inner Sphere and its liberation. (By their hands, of course. And logically resulting in their control.)<br />
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And that day was not far off. Unfortunately for the Inner Sphere, ComStar never forgot about Kerensky's Exodus and sent exploration vessels out to sniff out their trail and reclaim lost Star League outposts on the side. When the Clans captured one of the expeditions, they believed that the Inner Sphere would invade the Pentagon worlds. Ironically, the Clans used that as an excuse to [[Clan Invasion|return and invade]] before being forced back by the very invasion they were trying to prevent.<br />
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A prophecy of days far off, the '''''ilClan''''' is a religious myth that states that someday a Clan will take control of Terra, the Cradle of Humanity. The Khan (leader) of the Clan of Clans which captures Terra will become the new, true ilKhan (Khan of Khans) and re-establish the Star League, over which their blood shall reign in perpetuity. All will be Clan, Clan will be all. <br />
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'''''ilClan''''' is also an [[Skub|abortive BattleTech rulebook]] that has been in the works since '''2002''', ever since the '''Dark Age''' Era was published. Ostensibly intended to be the next historical Era, featuring all new rules to reflect the dominance of Clan society and technology, the bankruptcies and sales that BattleTech went through stalled all development. In addition, most fans are [[Advancing the Storyline|vehemently opposed to the destruction of most of the factions]] in the game, and have spoken up at every opportunity to denounce the plans behind ilClan. A prank release of a provisional ilClan historical outline drew tremendous outcry and Catalyst Game Labs has subsequently decided to focus on rereleasing and updating older Era rulesets.<br />
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===Meanwhile, In The Inner Sphere===<br />
...Of course, when the Clans returned to the Inner Sphere with the intent of liberating it from the feuding Great Houses, those same great houses <s>said "okay" and handed over the reins</s> put aside their differences and fought the Clans to a stand-still. This was an incredible show of camaraderie, and the most cooperative the houses had been since the Star League fell. It was all quite touching, really.<br />
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Okay, not really. The Clan invasion was getting bogged down and while they were making progress towards Terra it seemed like the new normal would be just constant unending war because they couldn't manage to put any of the successors away for good. The problem the Clans had was that their society had ritualized combat to the point where they expected the enemy to just fight them head on, all the time, always. Even the Lyrans weren't thick enough to play down to this standard (usually), meaning the unstoppable clan juggernaut kept getting stopped by dishonorable, cowardly tactics like flanking, backfield raids, and straight up running away from fights you can't win.<br />
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ComStar, the self-serving treacherous pricks that they are, decided that something needed to be done and so made the Clans a bet. The deal was, come to Tukayyid and fight our best in one big PROVE YOUR WORTH honorduel smackup. If the Clans won, ComStar would stab all the successors in the back, disconnect their HPG access and throw the doors to Terra wide open. If ComStar won, the Clans would agree to a fifteen year armistice. <br />
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The Clans, being honourable glory-seeking meatheads, agreed and converged on Tukayyid, dividing up objectives between Clans thinking that this was the beginning of the glorious endgame. All the while blissfully unaware that ComStar are every bit the cheating bastards you'd expect of an ISP in space with their own army. The Battle of Tukayyid wasn't a complete shutout for the Clans but it definitely illustrated that while the Clanners were good at winning '''fights''', they still had a real problem winning '''wars''' ''(where the enemy can go anywhere and do anything)''. In most of the engagements the Com Guard pounded the Clanners like discount tenderloin and because of their stubborn honourable ways the Clanners were obliged to abide by the cease fire by the logic of no-takey-backsies. <br />
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And then once the Clans were wrapped up behind a truce line it was time to get back to good-old inter-house wars. In an ultra-brief summary: There was the FedCom Civil War, kicking off the <s>Fifth Succession War</s> Word of Blake Jihad, the religious fanatic (well, moreso than usual) faction of ComStar went crazy over the entire Inner Sphere with cyborgs and nukes, until some dude named Devlin Stone got everyone to work together and kick them off Terra, then went on to form the Republic of the Sphere, essentially a re-establishment of the Terran Hegemony. In the meantime, the Clans got a bug up their asses over ideological purity after their Scientist Castes tried to take over, and all the Clans who invaded the Inner Sphere got kicked out of Clan Space to live there instead. Eventually someone forgot to pay the phone bill and the interstellar faster-than-light communication network went down. This ushered in the last era in the fluff known as the "Dark Age."<br />
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This is also considered the second ruination of the franchise by some. Many long-time fans think highly of the Succession Wars era of Battletech, right after the fall of the Star League. Marching around the field with walking tanks so expensive and rare that it's better to lose a pilot than a weapon is a powerful fantasy. It's often described as being "Mad Max with mechs." Of course, the blasted hellscape of the post-apocalypse is hard to maintain when the Clans invaded with their own brand-new shiny toys. The shift from "squabbling tribes with rusty guns" to "courageous defenders with shiny factories" is often considered the first ruination of the property ''(while a vocal minority, ie the clannerscum, hold it up as the only reason they got into it)''. When the squabbling of the Inner Sphere was broken up again by quasi-religious zealots and BattleTech was forced to stitch in apocrypha from its bastard child, the miniature game MechWarrior: Dark Age, people considered it the second collapse of the franchise.<br />
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===ilClan Era <strike>Dawn of a New Age, or Not</strike>===<br />
In 2019 Catalyst released '''Shattered Fortress''', the first half of a two-sourcebook set intended to finally advance the franchise into a post-Dark Age era. It ended with a cliffhanger: on New Year's Day 3150 a Clan fleet lands on Terra, but we don't know which Clan. Continuing the recurring theme of Battletech players not caring one bit about advancing the storyline, the release of the second book was then delayed indefinitely by the massive success of a Kickstarter offering more new miniatures and rules set 100 years back on the timeline. While each republished or recompiled rulebook has prologues hinting that the ilClan and Third Star League are around in 3250 from framing documents as archival material, details were deliberately [[Skub|left vague]]. Come 2021, and the novels have finally pushed the timeline out of the Dark Age, reception has been... [[Derp|eh]]. While some factions and characters got a lot of development and [[Awesome|heroic action]], many others were [[Rage|given the shaft]] or reduced to 2D [[FAIL|caricatures when they had potential for development]].<br />
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On January 1st, 2021 the novel ''Hour of the Wolf'' was released. Long story short, the Wolf Khan managed to get his hands on a way to bypass the Fortress Walls (unknown to most, Devlin Stone snuck them the access codes as he believed they were the least terrible of bad outcomes). Clans Wolf and Jade Falcon then beat the shit out of the Republic of the Sphere (but not before having the bulk of their commanders assassinated by headhunter units), fought a Trial of Possession for Terra, and the Wolves won. So, Clan Wolf is now ilClan. Their Khan made the Jade Falcons his clan's bodyguard (the bad elements having died fighting), and reconstituted Clan Smoke Jaguar as a non-voting clan and to serve as his clan's black ops/special forces. These Clans then created a new Star League (to a point). And with the combined might of these admittedly terribly mangled clans now strengthened by working together, they might actually make something of themselves. Others in the setting might not recognize them yet, but with the industrial might of the region(s) of space they occupy, they'll probably end up smashing faces and making it clear whose boss. Or they'll get booted off or everyone will just wait for them to self-destruct and then just walk right in.<br />
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==Factions Summary==<br />
While each faction has a certain flavor and preferred equipment/tactics, factions do not limit your gameplay choices to particular sets of 'Mechs/units/components, as in many other games ([[Warhammer 40,000]] is a good example, amongst many other skirmish-level wargames). So if something you want to use is in specific era of BattleTech History (FEDCOM Civil War, Clan Invasion, et cetera), anything goes. Although it's common for players to roleplay as being employed by some major power, and limiting themselves to their styles. Either that or they play as mercenaries and do as they please. Seriously, the amount of in-fighting is in effect galactic level (in Warhammer 40k -- aside from humanity itself -- only the ''Necrontyr'', the flesh incarnations of the [[Necrons]], ever fought each other to such a long and drawn out extent).<br />
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===The [[Inner Sphere]]===<br />
While other time periods might have better or more interesting rules, the most popular ruleset remains the eras between the Fourth Succession War (3028) to just before the Word of Blake Jihad (3067). This list of Inner Sphere factions covers those periods with the most prominent being the Great Houses in the Inner Sphere (a region within a 550 light year radius of Terra):<br />
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====[[Federated Suns]]====<br />
Ruled by House Davion, the Federated Suns is feudal Space America or nepotistic Space UK. [[Lawful Good]], ruled by a Great House as inbred as any other is, and with all positions of power occupied by the same set of mostly blood-related elites. Without the blue blood, you're just a clever commoner. However, the Federated Suns isn't as stratified as the other Successor States, and it's easier for a common citizen to climb the ladders of wealth and power, which fuels an entrepreneurial society that is among the wealthiest in the Inner Sphere. They’re heroic defenders of freedom and democracy, provided you define “freedom and democracy” as “being ruled by the Federated Suns”. Their colors are red, white, and blue. Something about that sounds strangely familiar...<br />
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Similar to [[Ultramarines|a certain faction in a certain other wargame]], the Federated Suns usually win most of their battles, and are usually presented as the good guys, drawing a lot of accusations of Mary Suehood. Unfairly, though, as the FedSuns win so much due to wealth-fueled research and production. In other words, they work hard, do a good job, encourage businesses, and they get rewarded with victory. Unlike the Smurfs, however, the Federated Suns has actual flaws - their “democracy” is a rubber stamp, their rhetoric about freedom is mostly just an excuse to justify warmongering and imperialism, and they have such a staggering degree of wealth inequality that there are cases where the populations of multiple planets only have a single school to go between them. This means that the FedSuns attract two kinds of fans: twelve-year-olds who buy all the propaganda, and people who can appreciate playing a bunch of self-righteous, hypocritical jackasses. On the bright side, they do live up to the hype when it comes to individual liberties, and their rulers are genuinely competent and mostly don't dick them over.<br />
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Thanks to their great wealth, the Federated Suns can afford to fund actual scientific research in the form of the New Avalon Institute of Science, or Space MIT, and the Davions supported most of the tech development and recovery in the Inner Sphere prior to the Clan Invasion. They also got lucky when they found an ancient Star League library filled with various editions of tabletop wargame splatbooks. They are known to be the house that first heavily employed or utilized a lot of Clan personnel and technologies after the conclusion of the invasion.<br />
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The Federated Suns also kind of have a thing for autocannons. Think [[Space Wolves]] with wolves, or [[Orks]] with [[Dakka]], and you have an idea. If it does not have an autocannon on it the Suns will find a way to give it one, and if it does have an autocannon they find a way to upgrade it to a rotary autocannon. So if you like autocannons (and you should) this is the faction for you.<br />
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Prior to the Fourth Succession War, the Federated Suns and Lyran Commonwealth were united through marriage (technically the political union was a treaty and the marriage was out of love and had no impact on the nations' unification), forming the Federated Commonwealth, the largest and most powerful empire in the galaxy since the Star League. In order to bridge the distance between the two nations, however, the Federated Commonwealth had to conquer large swathes of the Capellan Confederation, which they did easily. However, only a few decades later the Commonwealth was broken up by the FedCom Civil War, when Katherine Steiner-Davion schemed to either take over the Commonwealth or secede the Lyran half of it because she was a royal bitch. She is commonly known as simply The Bitch by many fans. And her splitting of the FedCom is incredibly weird since her nobles were against her, her military mostly liked the advantages brought by the FedSuns, and her public liked the massive boosts in economy and technological progress. Oh, and she was rebel usurper and had no authority to do any of the things she did. So her successful secession doesn't make a lick of sense and you just kinda have to suck it up. And to top it off, she had her mother murdered out of greed. The FedSuns are currently getting kicked around by pretty much everybody during the Dark Age, primarily because the current head of the house, Caleb, is extremely paranoid and rather psychotic.Thankfully he got killed by the Kuritans with some insider help from Clan Snow Raven (in exchange for some buffer territory). Not so thankfully, his death also brought the destruction a major chunk of the Davions' regular armed forces concentrated on one planet while enabling the Kuritans to take over the capital. Kuritans being what they're like, they probably raped and tortured everyone they didn't murder and alongside their dogs. <strike>''Save us, Julian!''</strike><br />
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====[[Lyran Commonwealth]]====<br />
[[File:Steiner Assault.jpg|350px|right|thumb|A typical scene of a Lyran Archon wondering why their cousin has failed to relieve the Commonwealth alongside a bloody frontline against their enemies. They're likely either at a ball dance or planning a coup.]]<br />
Space Germany with some Space Scotland and Space Scandinavia kicking around, the Lyran Commonwealth is the largest successor state and owns the most resource-rich planets in the Inner Sphere, making them an industrial and economic powerhouse. Their government was supposed to be modeled on ancient Athens, led by a council of nine Archons, but this did not work out ''at all'', and eventually Archon Robert Marsden decided he'd had enough of this shit and overthrew the other Archons in a military coup. The Marsdens were eventually replaced by the Steiners via marriage, who have ruled the Commonwealth to this day.<br />
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The Lyrans are rich. Really, really absurdly rich. The only reason they haven't conquered the Inner Sphere yet is that they prefer to put the relatives of rich businessmen in charge of their army rather than, y'know, actual soldiers, meaning a significant amount of Lyran officers are terrible at their job. There is at least one recorded case of the Lyran military starting a major interstellar war ''by accident''. Fortunately, since they're so rich, they're able to make up for their ludicrous incompetence with the biggest and heaviest weapons in the Inner Sphere. The joke goes that a typical Steiner scout lance consists of four 100-ton '''''Atlas''''' 'Mechs (imagine a scout-recon team composed entirely of [[Warlord Battle Titan|Warlord Titans]] and you'll get the idea). Steiner forces tend to be big and slow, barely able to outmaneuver enemy fortresses. Of course, once they (eventually) get into range, you can kiss that fortress goodbye... And God-forbid you run into the rare Steiner commander who knows what they're doing. Ask the Clans at Tukayyid how that went for them.<br />
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Late in the Third Succession War, Archon Katrina Steiner shocked the entire Inner Sphere by actually calling for a peace treaty. Only Hanse Davion was at all interested, and he wound up marrying Katrina's daughter Melissa and uniting the two countries into one massive empire, the Federated Commonwealth (see above). Predictably, this Beauty-and-the-Geek romance started out exceedingly awesome then epically failed and it's back to single life for the too-pretty Steiners. They recently tried to have Clan Wolf migrate through their coreward territory to keep the Free Worlds League from reforming during the Dark Age while holding the transported civilian castes as insurance. The plan backfired with the Free Worlds League still reforming and Clan Wolf taking much of the coreward and middle territory in the Lyran Commonwealth to form the Wolf Empire. This, on top of a massive amount of civil unrest means the Lyrans are too busy with damage control from Wolf and Jade Falcon invasions along with internal rebellions to be a threat to anyone. The moral of the story is: don’t try to manipulate badasses who nearly conquered everyone without trying. They will fuck you up for it. Also, trying to hold civilians hostage against a culture that thinks civilians are barely human at all is pointless. It tends to go like "Okay, I'll kill a bunch of your people and conquer chunks of your territory". You threaten to kill the civilians and your enemy is totally incapable of understanding why they should care when they treat them as replaceable subjects instead of irreplaceable citizens. Come the rise of the ilClan on Terra and there’s a sudden power vacuum where the Jade Falcon occupation zone to the North use to be. This led to a massive Balkan-style disintegration of the said region alongside the Lyran’s northern provinces; many of resulting statelets are very ticked off at the Steiners for leaving them to rot. While Jade Falcons are barely around in the region, holdout territories and other Clans like the Hell’s Horses and Ghost Bears are eyeing the new buffer zone cautiously before seeking new planets to annex.<br />
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====[[Free Worlds League]]====<br />
Taking elements from America, Yugoslavia, and Austria-Hungary (distinctions which grow less relevant with each passing day), the Free Worlds League is a federal democratic republic. No, really! They have a parliament and everything. Of course, the commander-in-chief of the Free Worlds League Military is always a member of House Marik because parliament doesn’t think anyone else can do the job, and the entire country has been operating under martial law “for the duration of the emergency” since the Star League broke up. But in principle, both democracy and federalism are alive and well in Marik space, making it impossible to get anything done. Think of the Free Worlds League as Space Holy Roman Empire due to regionalist nationalism. <br />
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Everyone in the Free Worlds League hates everyone else in the Free Worlds League; the only thing keeping them together is mutual animosity to the Lyrans, Capellans, and Periphery bandits raiding their borders. After finding out that Captain-General Thomas Marik had been in hiding running the Word of Blake for decades and the guy they’d been taking their orders from all that time was actually just some hobo picked up off the street, they gave up on trying to make the thing work at all and collapsed. Which is a shame because fake Marik was actually one of the best Captain-Generals they ever had. After the Dark Age, said hobo’s daughter managed to put it back together again, which kind of makes you start to wonder about that whole “only the Mariks can handle the Captaincy-General” thing. Doesn't help that she had to make a deal with the Spirit Cat and Sea Fox clanners to cement the whole thing together as well as marrying the official Marik family's head.<br />
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The Free Worlds League Military is built around combined arms warfare, treating infantry, vehicles, and aerospace fighters as if they were just as useful as mechs. They also used to have the most LAMs back before [[squat|LAMs ceased to be a thing]]. They don’t get a lot of attention, since they’re far away from the FedSuns and the Clans and therefore don’t get involved in stories about factions the writers actually care about. The constant in-fighting probably doesn't help. That said, they most likely do enough to keep their jobs, which is probably good enough to satisfy the average Joe, who couldn't care less about political squabbles. Recent lore hints they’re probably at the forefront of the ilClan’s attention now due to Leaguers eager to reconquer their lost territory. Whether they get out of the border war in one piece is up for debate.<br />
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====[[Draconis Combine]]====<br />
Ruled by House Kurita, the Draconis Combine is the obligatory Space Japan, in the sense that it is ''obligatory'' to be Japanese. It has large Arab and Scandinavian minorities who are legally required to be [[weeaboo]]s, with the country as a whole drawing on both the age of samurai and the militaristic Imperial Japan of the 1920s to 40s. The twelve-year-olds listed above, if they leave the FedSuns, will likely move to this weeaboo paradise with its delusional "fierce solo samurai warrior takes on all opponents Kurosawa Style" appeal, not realizing that lone 'Mechs get [[rape|gang-banged]] by enemies who are teamed up like a pack of mechanical hyenas. Defended by weeaboos despite being responsible for the single most horrific massacre in human history during the First Succession War, or at the least, the only one anyone in and out of universe bothers to actually remember. For an alternate look into this supposed massacre, please read ''Did 52 million really die?'' In fact, they have a habit of doing this. “We defeated the mercenaries on this planet who have nothing to do with the general populace. Nuke everyone before we leave. Why? Uhhhh...do we really need a reason? <s>they’re not our enemies or anything, but [[Lulz|murder is fun]]</s> SCORCHED EARTH TACTICS! Preventing enemies from using the planet’s populace or resources against us is a valid strategy!”<br />
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Like everyone else in the Inner Sphere, the Draconis Combine is a warmongering, autocratic empire ruled with an iron fist that wants to take over the galaxy. Unlike everyone else in the Inner Sphere, they actually admit it. They're the only successor state that makes absolutely no pretenses of being a democracy, with the Coordinator of Worlds being treated as a divinely anointed absolute monarch who is the sole legitimate ruler of all humanity. They were the first to start shit after the Star League collapsed, with the Coordinator declaring himself the new First Lord and launching an invasion of the Federated Suns that eventually wound up getting him killed on Kentares IV, prompting his son to launch the aforementioned massacre. They've been the mortal enemies of the Federated Suns ever since.<br />
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Similar to the Davions and their love of autocannons and the Steiners and their love of everything heavy and assault, Kuritans are really, really into PPCs (Particle Projector Cannons), mainly because they're dirt poor and [[Lasgun]]s are cheaper than bullets. If there is a mech that can possibly mount a PPC, the Dracs will put one on it. For instance, see the ''Catapult'': a 65-ton long-range fire support 'Mech intended for indirect fire using the Long Range Missle (LRM) racks in its "ears". Almost every variant of the ''Catapult'' is centered around these LRM racks with a few minor backup weapons. They are a reliable, battle-tested design that no commander in their right mind would attempt to 'fix', because isn't broken... except in the eyes of House Kurita. Once the Combine got their hands on it those ears were replaced with two PPCs for direct fire support and two machine guns for <s>civilian massacres</s> INFANTRY DETERRENTS. <br />
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Kuritans were also [[Fail|involved in the worst BattleTech novel ever written]], wherein a ship of theirs was lost in time and space, and [[what|found giant]], [[Kroot|alien, sentient chickens]]. Far Country is a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6zQ6ZqEqg0 Shamefur Dispray]! and pretty much serves as the only time aliens are actually mentioned in the BattleTech universe.<br />
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====[[Capellan Confederation]]====<br />
Culturally, Space China and Space Russia. Politically, Space North Korea. The Confederation was originally founded when several minor states in the Capellan Zone who were sick of the Federated Suns trying to "liberate" them joined together, [[lolwut|bombed their own capital of Capella to make a point]], and fought the Davions off. Secure in this victory, they then proceeded to never win a war ever again. Sounds like their rulers were evil after all.<br />
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Citizens of the Capellan Confederation enjoy probably the highest standard of living of any commoner in the Inner Sphere, with an extensive, cradle-to-grave welfare system and the best education and health care the state can provide. [[Grimdark|*Non*-citizens of the Capellan Confederation, known as "Servitors", are basically slaves.]] Becoming a citizen requires you to provide a certain amount of service to the state by the age of seventeen, and citizenship can be removed as punishment for disloyalty. Even those who aren't unfortunate enough to be Servitors basically have their lives decided for them by the Capellan caste system and the government's ability to tell them that they have to move to a new planet and take up a new career at any given moment. The writers might have eventually gotten the note on how pointless this was because under chancellor Sun-Tzu (No, really) Liao in 3052 the servitors were awarded more rights, their quasi slavery condition abolished and they were given better chances at gaining citizenship, boosting Sun-Tzu's popularity in the process. Just as planned. <br />
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The Confederation is run by a Chancellor, who's supposed to be elected by the nobility but in reality is pretty much always the head of House Liao. This is rather unfortunate, since the Liaos have a noticeable tendency towards being batshit fucking insane ''even by Inner Sphere nobility standards''. They claim descent from Elias Liao, who was either a persecuted revolutionary philosopher (if you ask a Capellan) or a psychopathic nuclear terrorist (if you ask anyone else). The main family line births a homicidal maniac at least every other generation, e.g. Kali Liao, who became the leader of a cyborg death cult with a taste for mass nerve-gas attacks. At one point, they decided that having a regular military just wasn't cool enough for them and created the Warrior Houses, a bunch of weird pseudo-religious warrior cults that only answer to the Chancellor.<br />
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Since the Capellans have lost basically every war they've ever fought and live right next to the Federated Suns, they've become the designated "sneaky" faction, focusing on guerrilla warfare and covert operations. They go for stealth and electronic warfare the way the Davions go for autocannons, best exemplified by their iconic Raven electronic warfare 'Mech (which, depending on the model, actually looks like a bird; weird but cool). After the Clan Invasion and FedCom Civil War, they acquired a taste for the newly-developed Plasma weapons. Got the absolute shit beat out of them by the Federated Commonwealth during the Fourth Succession War, got revenge when the Commonwealth tore itself apart a few decades later.<br />
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====[[ComStar]]====<br />
Imagine a cross between the medieval Catholic Church and Comcast, and you have ComStar. During the Star League Civil War, the network of Hyperpulse Generators that the Star League had built for faster-than-light communications was in ruins, and the one thing that the Great Houses could agree on was that ''somebody'' had to fix all their space phones right fucking now. They named Jerome Blake, the highest-ranking HPG network official still alive, as Minister of Communications, which, since they didn't name any other ministers, basically put him in charge of Terra. As the Star League collapsed, Blake bummed some soldiers off of Kerensky, got the Successor States to agree that the space phones were important and they should therefore respect ComStar's neutrality, and then seized complete control of Terra in a lightning-fast coup, revealing that that neutrality had some teeth.<br />
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After Blake died, ComStar quickly turned into a quasi-mystical and religious organization, whose stated purpose was to preserve human knowledge in the dark ages of the Succession Wars, a goal they attempted to fulfill by assassinating every scientist who wouldn't work for them and starting the Second Succession War practically the moment the first one ended. Things started to spiral out of control for them after the Helm Memory Core was leaked and suddenly everyone was able to figure out how Lostech worked again, and then things got even ''worse'' when the Clans showed up.<br />
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ComStar is also famous for introducing the ComStar Bill (C-bill) as a standard galactic currency. Rather than being backed by material goods, each C-bill is backed by ComStar's faster than light message delivery service: One C-bill will guarantee one millisecond of data transmission, enough for a few pages of bare text or a small image, with larger transmissions costing more, and with additional fees for higher priority and the like. The value of the various Great House currencies can be weighed against their worth in C-bills which allows for currency exchange on a galactic scale. The C-bill is the primary way that mercenaries are paid and in turn pay for goods and services, and thus the most common currency encountered by players. Post Jihad, ComStar was neutered of its armed forces and subject to a hostile takeover by Clan Sea Fox (outside of the universe, at least one of the game developers had a hate boner against ComStar's OP status and gave their more powerful components the ax, courtesy of Blakist nukes).<br />
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====Minor Powers====<br />
*'''[[Free Rasalhague Republic]]''': Space Norse/Vikings. They were a part of the Draconis Combine along the Lyran border, until the formation of the Federated Commonwealth meant that Kurita was about to have ''two'' borders for Hanse Davion to attack them from, so he granted them their independence as a buffer state. May have been awesome. If you're wondering why we write of them in the past tense refer to: ''Clan Invasion, Why Not Get in the Way of One'' (Third Publishing of Liao, COMSTAR ISBN 474-Alpha-467-Upsilon-345). They later join up with the Ghost Bears and become the Rasalhague Dominion. They are awesome because now we have Viking clanners. One of their aerospace pilots literally stopped the Clan invasion dead for an entire year because she banzai'd her fighter into a Clan warship and killed the ilKhan. <br />
*'''[[Word of Blake]]''': An ultra-reactionary splinter faction of ComStar that got butthurt after ComStar ditched all the pseudo-religious bullshit. Broke away and launched an all-out jihad (''yes, they actually used that word'') on literally everyone shortly after the Federated Commonwealth Civil War came to an end. Made liberal use of weapons of mass destruction and rendered several entire planets uninhabitable. Fond of genocide, re-education camps, unstable technology, and mass murder. As a result, they were eventually crushed as a result of pissing off the entire fucking universe, but not before undoing a lot of the technological progress that had been made after the [[Clan Invasion]] (apparently by magic, as not only was that knowledge now universally available, but so were copies of the Helm Memory Core...and destroying some factories doesn’t make technology go away). Basically used by the publishers to reset the average technology level of the game due to a lot of players feeling it was advancing too far and getting away from the quasi-feudal feel of earlier editions (forgetting that quasi-feudalism is a governing method, the technology level has nothing to do with it). Ironically enough, their 'Mechs were more streamlined and featured a lot more experimental technologies for people who would eventually blow the entire game setting back to the quasi-iron age. Officially, they were all supposedly killed after the Jihad for genocide. Recently hinted by a terminally ill Stone to still be around and responsible for the HPG network being taken out as a taunt against ilKhan Alaric before being killed off in bed.<br />
*'''The [[Republic of the Sphere]]''': Established by an individual calling himself Devlin Stone, who mysteriously surfaced at some point during the Blakefag Jihad, and helped pull the galaxy out that colossal clusterfuck through a series of successful military campaigns. Upon the Jihad's defeat, Stone met with ComStar Precentor Martial Victor Ian Steiner-Davion and laid out a philosophy which Victor would privately describe as ''militant socialism keyed to altruism''; Officials and authorities would have their assets placed in a blind trust. Public service would be rewarded. Greed and corruption would be punished. All weapons would be placed under government control. [[Just As Planned|Surprisingly, it worked]], at least for a time, ushering in a new era of peace for the core worlds. However, after ruling as Exarch of the Republic for a while, Devlin Stone stepped down and shortly there after disappeared, vowing to [[Sigmar|return when he was needed most]]. It didn't take long before everything went to shit again and was plunged into chaos when the interstellar communication network was sabotaged. Was gangbanged by a combination of separatist factions, the Capellans, and Clan Jade Falcon before finally saying FUCK IT and retreating back to Terra. All while somehow using Word of Blake HPG disruption tech to prevent hyperspace jumps into their core territory. They also recently developed a taste for Tripod 'Mechs (which are the only modern 'Mech that can exceed Assault 'Mechs in terms of tonnage, firepower, and armor but at the cost of requiring an additional gunner and engineer onboard to shoot and monitor the machine's vitals) while also hybridizing Clan & IS technology (culminating with extremely powerful but unstable weapons). <strike>''You guys realize Stone is the [[Emperor]], right? Right?''</strike> None of this makes sense, of course, as the HPG network is not only extremely well and fanatically protected by actual fanatics, but also is so large it can’t really be sabotaged. Except by magically competent Deus ex Machina mooks, apparently. Friendly clans could also build their own for the Republic’s use. Except newly built HPGs also failed somehow. Black Boxes became advanced enough that HPGs were nearly pointless, though, making the whole “Dark Age” thing really...dumb. And if someone had the sense to build building-sized Black Boxes instead of briefcase-sized, the HPGs would have a perfect backup. But common sense in BattleTech is [[heresy]] just like in any good universe. Besides that, the eyes on anyone with power to prevent corruption would stop factions from selling out the Republic and the senators would not have been able to sponsor military officers into becoming Paladins because that is extremely corrupt and would not have been allowed or tolerated. Even if such a plot succeeded, there would be no leverage for the senators to get those paladins to do what they wanted. And the Capellans are target practice, sudden separatism makes no sense when they were fine until this point under numerous oppressive regimes, and Clan Jade Falcon by itself would have been crushed and a team up of clans would have sent the whole Inner Sphere into a clan-killing frenzy panic mode. Come the latest novels in 2021, and the Republic and it's founder were reduced to a caricature of fall of the III Reich (complete with a senile leader giving contradictory orders and throwing their best units at the worst faction so the best faction can pick up the pieces). While many of their leaders and fighters survived, it's an open question of whether they cooperate with the ilClan or revolt later down the line.<br />
** '''Northwind Highlanders''': A band of Scottish mercenaries hailing from the planet Northwind. Once upon a time they were a formal Royal Guard unit for House Cameron in the SLDF but they went free agent when the Star League fell apart, after which they mostly worked for House Liao. They got a surprise happy blakesday party that destroyed their HPG and wiped out their aerofighters but otherwise they survived and joined the Republic in 3081. With the Fall of the Republic, they were forced to surrender with their leader loaned as a liaison from the ilClan to the Jade Falcons; which is notable due to both factions historically and currently originating from, the Black Watch, elite SLDF units working as bodyguards for the First Lord of the Star League and nearly prevented the [[Amaris Civil War]].<br />
* '''[[The Periphery]]''': The collection of non-successor states on the edges of the Inner Sphere. They were brought into the Star League by force and are still kinda sore about it, mostly because they nearly got blasted back to the Stone Age and never quite got their technology back up. The most important entities (outside of the Clans) are the Periphery powers bordering the Great Houses in the Inner Sphere while the rest is marked as the Deep Periphery and is as isolated from civilization as the Arctic Circle from the rest of civilization.<br />
**'''[[Taurian Concordate]]''': Equivalent to the Space IRA/Ireland, they’re a Periphery nation bordering the Federated Suns and Cappellan Confederation. Has an axe to grind against the Federated Suns and claims they’re much more dedicated to freedom and liberty than the Davions. Think the United States right after 9/11, all of the good and the bad, and you have a good idea of the culture. Just replace paranoia about Islam with paranoid about the Federated Suns, including the fact that the overwhelming majority of who they're paranoid couldn't given any less of a shit about them. Also add the IRA, their fanatical hatred of the British, and war crime tendencies.<br />
**'''Marian Hegemony''': A bandit kingdom bordering the Lyrans and Free Worlds League that decided to become the Roman Empire IN SPACE. They’re basically founded on by a noble consortium who struck gold with a vast deposit of germanium (a vital ingredient for KF Drives). Due to their practice of raiding for resources and slaves, all their neighbors (particularly the Lyrans and Free Worlds Leaguers) hate them. A shadier version of the [[Severan Dominate]] from 40k. <br />
**'''[[Rim Worlds Republic]]''': A former authoritarian and militaristic state formed during the Age of War. It was a poster child in the Star League due to its founders, House Amaris, proclaiming unconsummated loyalty to the League during the Reunification Wars. Unfortunately, House Amaris was as [[Angron|bloodthirsty]] as House Kurita and [[Lorgar|spiteful]] as House Liao. Due to perceived “betrayal” from the Star League not rescuing them fast enough from an anti-Star League mass revolt during the Reunification Wars, they held a secret grudge and then staged a bloody coup against House Cameron. After countless war crimes and purges as the SLDF ground through their defenses to Terra, they got eradicated in the [[Amaris Civil War]] with the bulk of their planets outright annexed by the Lyran Commonwealth. If the Word of Blake or the more extremist Clans like the Smoke Jaguars and Jade Falcons are the big bads in BattleTech, the Rim Worlds Republic is in a very close second or third place.<br />
**'''[[Magistracy of Canopus]]''': Equivalent to Space Las Vegas, it’s a hedonistic matriarchy bordering the Free Worlds League. A nation of cybernetic catgirls, whose largest export is pornography. No, really. We're serious. Well they're not all cybernetic catgirls but they're there if you want them, and pornography and the tourist industry makes up a large chunk of their economy. Also Medical research and technology, most likely to treat all the STDs you get from your vacation to Space Vegas. Also known for having a significant religious conservatives population as they have an open-door refugee policy. <br />
**'''[[Outworlds Alliance]]''': Basically the Space Amish, they’re a backwater state near the Federated Suns and Draconis Combine. Was the Periphery-est of the Periphery states until Clan Snow Raven moved in and formed the '''Raven Alliance'''.<br />
**'''Hanseatic League''': A mercantile alliance of traders descended from Lyran refugees fleeing economic declines during the Third Succession War, their nation is between the Clan Homeworlds and Lyran Space. They liked to pretend to be a neutral third party interested in trade of goods and information while also subjecting neighboring planets to debt trap diplomacy with armed merchant caravans. Also liked to play both sides against each other in any prolonged war among their neighbors to increase profits and soften them up for potential annexation (such as between Nueva Castille and the Umayyad Caliphate). Unfortunately, they were eventually conquered by Clan Goliath Scorpion (with help from their newfound Castilian and Umayyad citizens) and merged into their new Scorpion Empire some time in the Dark Age.<br />
*'''Mercenary Review and Bonding Commission''': An independent group that certifies and provides force rankings for various [[Mercenaries (Battletech)|mercenary groups]]. At least three MechWarrior games are focused on the mercs as it allows writers more leeway and less chance to screw up the canon. <br />
**'''Kell Hounds''': A merc company headed by Morgan Kell. His son Phelan was captured by Clan Wolf when the Clan Invasion first began, and by the end was running the Clan until it split. Took in Phelan and the Exiled Wolves afterwards. Generally, are tough but cool guys all around. Like the Exiled Wolves, they got a massive "kill on sight" target painted on their back after the omnicidal Jade Falcon Khan got annoyed with their feisty resistance against her campaign into Lyran Territory. Once the Jade Falcons scrambled the bulk of their military forces to Terra, the Kell Hounds were able to retake their homeworld when the Jade Falcon occupation zone and Lyran northernmost territories balkanized from the power vacuum. On the other hand, their commander has a big grudge against the Steiners for leaving them out to dry.<br />
**'''Grey Death Legion''': Mercenary group who were famous for finding and distributing the Helm Core, which allowed the Inner Sphere to regain technology formerly lost during the Succession Wars. Generally an author's favorite in the books. Got destroyed during the Blake Jihad. And then got resurrected once the northern Lyran provinces balkanized.<br />
**'''Wolf's Dragoons''': A bunch of Clan Wolf advance scouts disguised as a mercenary group. Came to the Inner Sphere with a ton of 'Mechs that the Clans considered outdated but hadn't been seen in the Successor States in centuries and were considered Lostech... Which should have tipped the Great Houses off that these guys might be bad juju. Instead of providing intel to the Clans for their invasion, Wolf's Dragoons pulled a fast one and tried to prepare the Inner Sphere for war with the Clans. They are generally pretty awesome guys, even if part of that awesomeness is because they get a ton of attention in the fluff due to the writers' obsession with anything related to Clan Wolf. They got screwed pretty badly during the Blake Jihad when the nutjobs assaulted Outreach. By Dark Age they are slowly recovering with help from the Kell Hounds. Recent novellas have the Wolves convince them to join them on Terra once it's conquered to prevent the genocidal Jade Falcons from becoming the ilClan. Unfortunately, latest novels also made them become meatshields used by the Wolf Khan to expend the Turquoise Turkeys' ammo supplies while being reduced to a fraction of their strength. Naturally, in a repeat of their history against Kurita, they [[Book of Grudges|swore]] an oath to stand against the Wolves permanently.<br />
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===[[The Clans]]===<br />
Laughable strategic and logistical ability and basically have no plan when they do something. But God have mercy on you if they're coming your way. 'Cus you're '''''fucked'''''. These guys reside in the [[Deep Periphery]] and tried to leave well enough alone with the Spheroid barbarians their SLDF ancestors disowned until Space AT&T knocked on their front door like an unsolicited salesman. The resulting "GTFO my lawn" response naturally made the Innner Sphere soil their pants. Each clan is named after an animal, and yes those are the animal's full names. <br />
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* Clan Blood Spirit: The smallest clan. Noted for having the toughest training, favored Battle Armor, and had no official allies after starting off idealistic but then becoming jaded grudge-holders. :( Despite above comment, not ACTUALLY an animal, but named for the warrior spirit that united the forces under Kerensky.<br />
* Clan Burrock: The only clan to support the Dark Caste. Liked picking on the Blood Spirits before they were absorbed by Clan Star Adder.<br />
* Clan Cloud Cobra: The Religious types. Loved aerospace fighters and jump jets. Obsessed with collecting genetic bloodlines other clans don't want.<br />
* Clan Coyote: Native Americans in Space. Also like to scheme too much for their own good. Known for creating a shit ton of tech (unlike [[Adeptus Mechanicus|some people]] on Mars...)<br />
* [[Clan Diamond Shark]]: Used to be called Sea Fox until Snow Raven killed their namesake (with their current one) the only clan that views the merchant caste as equal to their warrior one. Later brought back the Sea Fox and changed their name back. The only clan to allow all castes to vote, making them arguably a genuinely democratic republic.<br />
* Clan Fire Mandrill: The clan whose gimmick was to always have a few subfactions to foster internal competition. At first it was manageable and it improved the clan, but then the factionalism snowballed into more than 10 mini-subfactions which made the whole clan a laughing stock among the clans. <br />
* Clan Ghost Bear: The only clan to be founded by a married couple, as a result they're the only clan to still have normal family units. Much more protective of its civilian caste than the others. Nearly devoured the Free Rashalague Republic in the Clan Invasion, then merged with what was left after the Jihad. Went full blown good old fashion Viking Berserker when the Jihad nuked their civilians, attacking friend and foe alike in pure grief fueled murderous rage. Awesome. <br />
* Clan Goliath Scorpion: Stoners with rose-colored nostalgia glasses. Also noted for elite marksmanship and ambush tactics. Likes to [[Blood Ravens|acquire artifacts]] [[Trazyn the Infinite|for cultural appreciation of the Star League]], sometimes with bad consequences down the line.<br />
* Clan Hell's Horses: The only clan to think tanks are useful, often uses combined arms tactics rather than just spamming 'Mechs. They have a hot rod flames color scheme. Extremely heavily focused on teamwork. Including teamwork between castes and between the clan and its conquered worlds. Which has led to very good relations both internally and externally. Probably the only Clan other than the Star Adders that locals might actually support over a "liberating" Inner Sphere force. ''Maybe''.<br />
* Clan <strike>Temper Tantrum</strike> Ice Hellion: Speed freaks with a big ego. Their Khan seems to bitch every time their forces lose, which is often.<br />
* [[Clan Jade Falcon]]: The spotlight stealing clan second only to the Wolves, with whom they have a fierce rivalry. Slightly less evil than the Jaguars.<br />
* Clan Mongoose: Basically a footnote in clan history. Extremely aggressive, tend to attack everyone near them. [[Fail|Got their asses kicked by everyone else before being absorbed.]]<br />
* Clan Nova Cat: The spiritual types, they decide their policy with visions, which 9 times out of 10 ends badly for them. Some of the best marksmen in the clans, often competed with Clan Goliath Scorpion. Joined Smoke Jaguar in attacking the Draconis Combine, then sided with the Combine right after everyone decided the Jags had to go. Eventually got destroyed during the Dark Ages for backing the wrong Kuritan royal in a civil war. <br />
* Clan <strike>Chimney Kitten</strike> [[Clan Smoke Jaguar|Smoke Jaguar]]: Essentially super aggressive [[World Eaters]] trained to pilot 'Mechs. Known to fuck shit up until their smaller numbers (due to infighting, shitting on their civilian castes and hating logistics) fucked them over in long campaign. Were eventually wiped out by the Inner Sphere counter-attack after they murdered an entire city from orbit. What goes around comes around. Recent ilClan lore had their descendants in the Fidelis sworn to the Wolf Khan in exchange for rebuilding their clan; [[What|despite]] their original [[Book of Grudges|hatred]] for letting the Second Star League annihilate them.<br />
* Clan Snow Raven: The sinister & cunning space jockeys of the clans. Specialized in space combat and became BBFs with the Outworlds Alliance.<br />
* Clan Spirit Cats: Offshoots of the Nova Cats after they were annihilated by the Combine. <br />
* Clan Star Adder: Boring, but very, very practical, which benefited them a lot. They favor using assault 'Mechs, and like to upgrade their lasers to heavy lasers. Living under them or as one of them is much more like real life. If you can do a job, you can have the job. Including a laborer wanting to be a warrior. Which ironically is the same approach that caused Clan Wolverine to be destroyed by Kerensky.<br />
* Clan Steel Viper: Self righteous xenophobes who wanted to cooperate with the Inner Sphere but also treated freeborns like dirt, and then wondered why nobody liked them. Responsible for Clan genocide known as [[Skub|"The Wars of Reaving"]]. [[Fail|Got genocided in return.]] <br />
* Clan Widowmaker: The hyper-aggressive types. Their first Khan held a grudge against the Wolverines and framed them before being killed with support from Nicholas. Widowmaker later got annihilated for accidentally killing Nicky. What was left of it, however, <strike>gave birth</strike> (lies Clanners aren't born, they're grown) to the most dangerous MechWarrior ever, Natasha Kerensky. <br />
* Clan Wolf: The spotlight stealing Clan, courtesy of it being Kerensky's personal clan. Split up into two factions following the Refusal War.<br />
** Crusader Wolves: The guys who want to continue the invasion of Inner Sphere. Wound up migrating from their original invasion corridor to Lyran/Marik space & formed a new & dangerous upstart state called the '''Wolf Empire.''' Later <strike>[[Mary Sue|surprise surprise]]</strike>, won against the Republic and Jade Falcons on Terra to become the ilClan of the Third Star League [[FAIL|despite the other factions refusing to recognize them for now]] outside of the former Republic’s officials, Jade Falcons, & the Smoke Jaguars that are all a shadow of their strength. Naturally lost most of their forces to take the top prize.<br />
** Warden Wolf-in-Exile: The guys who want to defend Inner Sphere against the rest of the clans, who they think are a mockery of Kerensky's teachings. Like the Kell Hounds, they got a massive "kill on sight" target painted on their back after the omnicidal Jade Falcon Khan got annoyed with their feisty resistance against her campaign into Lyran Territory. Somehow got convinced to rejoin the Crusaders Wolves in revenge against the Jade Falcons despite the story never addressing the Crusader-Warden divide on treating Inner Sphere nations as subjects to be conquered and ruled from above or charges to be protected and educated from partnership. The “official” motive of seeking payback against the Jade Falcons for razing their civilian population centers and killing their cadet academies can only go so far until the Green Chickens got defeated.<br />
* <strike>[[Clan Wolverine]]</strike> Not-Named Clan: Aggressive and independent minded, these guys pissed off Nicky to such extent that they were annihilated after the vengeful Widowmaker Khan framed them of detonating nukes on civilians and another Clan’s genetic repository after the Wolverines seceded from the Clans. Basically, they did the caste thing but thought "Hey, why not let people do what they're best at?" and that sort of thing. It pissed off crazy pants ilKhan Kerensky because this approach made them more successful than all the other clans, proving his method was actually not the best way. Some survivors were able to flee as the '''Minnesota Tribe''' but they've been never heard from publicly since (though there are hints that they're around in the Deep Periphery in some recent novels and short stories). [[What|There are many theories about them returning to Inner Sphere and taking over it as shadow masterminds in order to destroy the clans.]]<br />
<br />
===[[Wars of Reaving]]===<br />
[[Advancing the Storyline|Fed up with having to write more stuff about clans nobody cares about]], a bunch of clans were wiped out after the Jihad, or driven out of clan territory. While the in-story explanation is that a butthurt ilKhan decided it was time to make a powerplay after not having won anything out of the Inner Sphere Invasion, everyone knows that there were several clans that had no discernable effect on the game. <br />
*'''''Annihilated or Absorbed:'''''<br />
**Blood Spirit: Got wiped out for using civilian militias which "isn't clan-like" and [[Bullshit|marked for annihilation for letting people fight for their homes instead of cooperating with their new leaders as Clan honor dictates.]] As well as using [[Planetary Defense Force|en-mass civilian militias]] to attack their enemies.<br />
**Burrock: Tried to re-establish themselves after being absorbed, got defeated.<br />
**Fire Mandrill: Too fractured to fight back effectively during the Wars of Reaving. What was left of them got absorbed by the Goliath Scorpions and other Homeworld Clans<br />
**Ice Hellion: [[Fail|Killed themselves by trying to steal Jade Falcon and Hell's Horses territory.]] The remaining survivors joined Goliath Scorpion.<br />
**Steel Viper: Took over the Clan Homeworlds and gave everyone free reign to remove the “taint” of the Invader Clans by any means necessary. Forgot that they themselves were an Invader Clan.<br />
**Nova Cat: The main Clan was destroyed by the Draconis Combine for being on the losing side of a civil war. the majority of the survivors were led by a warrior-mystic who had a vision that the Clan as whole would go extinct if he didn't lead some like minded fellows away elsewhere before they were indeed wiped out and they would travel to a part of the former Free Worlds League to set up shop there as the Spirit Cats.<br />
*'''''Exiled or Abjured:''''' These clans were forced out of the Clan Homeworlds on the pretense of being "corrupted" by Inner Sphere influences. Some later formed the '''Council of Six Clans''', representing the clans that now exist in the Inner Sphere.<br />
**Ghost Bears: Banished to the Inner Sphere and eventually founded the '''Rasalhague Dominion.''' Joined the Council.<br />
**Goliath Scorpion: Originally sided with the Homeworld Clans to drive the Invader Clans out of the Kerensky Cluster. Then was censured and abjured for absorbing Clan Ice Hellion Warriors and Star League descended mercenaries from Eridani Light Horse in their Clan eugenics program without permission. Ran away and conquered Nueva Castile and Umayyads (Spaniards vs. Arabs IN SPACE) in the Deep Periphery, forming '''Escorpion Imperio.''' By the eve of the Dark Age, they had also conquered their neighbors to the south, the Hanseatic League, and founded a new major Periphery power known as the '''Scorpion Empire''' that's second only to the Homeworld Clans as a military power in the Periphery.<br />
**Hell's Horses: Stole some of Clan Wolf's territory in the Inner Sphere, and end up getting banished from the Clan Homeworlds. Developed a taste for experimenting with QuadVee 'Mechs (which can convert from a ground combat vehicle into a Quad 'Mech while also requiring a dedicated gunner). Joined the Council.<br />
**Jade Falcon: Banished to the Inner Sphere and tried to conquer Terra but failed. Still rules the parts of the Inner Sphere they conquered during the Clan Invasion. Replaced the Smoke Jaguars as the most vicious clan under their latest Khan (who's willing to do anything to kill her enemies). Joined the Council. Later got most of their forces wiped out from omnicidal fighting against the Republic, Dragoons, and Wolves on Terra. Said genocidal Khan got killed off and replaced with a pragmatic reformer who agreed to follow the Wolf IlKhan in exchange for the Turquoise Turkeys becoming the IlKhan's body guards.<br />
**Sea Fox/Diamond Shark: Ended up in what's left of the Free Worlds League. Split up into semi-independent merchant fleets and are now a collection of nomadic "Khanates" that sail the starlanes of the Inner Sphere. Joined the Council, but also joined the FWL as a member state. In the meantime, managed to bring the Sea Fox back from extinction, and changed back to their old name. <br />
**Smoke Jaguar: Some of them showed up as super-secret Clanner loyalists called '''Fidelis''' to the Republic of the Sphere. More practical minded than their grandparents but just as likely to go [[rip and tear|berserk]] when fighting any clan warriors for their perceived betrayal. Still in the Fortress Republic. A scant few are found hiding in the Deep Periphery with the few warships that they still had. Later somehow let go of their grudge to pledge allegiance to the Wolve Khan in exchange for reforming their Clan under the IlKhan's protection.<br />
**Snow Raven: Ran away and merged with the Outworlds Alliance in the Periphery, forming the '''Raven Alliance.''' Joined the Council.<br />
**Spirit Cat: What's left of Nova Cats, allied with the Free Worlds League and formed an enclave in their territory with sponsorship from House Marik and Clan Sea Fox.<br />
**Wolf: Splintered into several factions. Basically conquered the central and coreward territories of Lyran Alliance under the '''Wolf Empire.''' Making the Steiners have a bigger headache, their Khan, Katrina Steiner's descendant, claimed the mantle of Archon through her bloodline. Wolves-in-Exile refuse to join and are doing their own thing. Clan Wolf-Alliance joined the Council. “Katrina Steiner’s descendant” is in fact a Trueborn Clanner that Katherine Steiner-Davion had made using both her own genetic material and Victor Steiner-Davion’s, because regular incest just wasn’t crazy enough for her. Later became IlKhan once the two halves merged back together <strike>naturally</strike>.<br />
*'''''Home Clans:''''' Theses clans still hold territory in the Clan Homeworlds and consider themselves "True Clans."<br />
**Cloud Cobra: Still around.<br />
**Coyote: Sneaky bastards. Got their hands on the genetic material of one of Clan Wolves's founders. Outside of the universe, unreliable rumors hint that said founder may have been the last known descendant of House Cameron.<br />
**Star Adder: TOP DOG. Their Khan was the one who stopped the psycho Steel Viper ilKhan by dint of beating his head inside out with the nearest handy blunt object.<br />
**Stone Lions: Made from the Hell's Horses who were left in the Clan Homeworlds and didn't get exiled.<br />
<br />
So basically there are now ten Clans: The six Spheroid Clans, and the four Home Clans. The rest are either dead, formed hybrid societies, or are even more minor than before and thus save the writers from some hard work in upcoming TROs.<br />
<br />
==The Appeal of BattleTech==<br />
First and most obvious, giant stompy BattleMechs bristling with guns duking it out is cool. But despite that, BattleTech is in general a more grounded and human setting. You don't have warp daemons, God Emperors, energy forces or psionic powers in BattleTech or giant Space Cathedrals and machines that work better when people pray to them. Nor does it have artificial gravity, shields, sapient aliens, serious transhumanism, dyson spheres, general AI and other more wild science fiction ideas. While it does go into some suspense of belief in technology such as KF-FTL drive and HPG-FTL communications, most of the technology is still grounded within the realm of plausible belief. Society-wise, it doesn't go into the speculation on how civilization may come into conflict with divergent ideals or extraterrestrial life, instead you have human people like you and me struggling in a hostile universe where the most dangerous thing is often another human being under another flag. Not that the setting lacks for variety; the main factions are very well developed with their own distinct motivations, even if they do sometimes tend to lean into stereotypes. BattleTech is for people who read [[Dune]] and find the idea of the Atreides, Harkonnens, Corinos and the other Great Houses of the Landsraad with their conflicts and their power plays to be far more interesting than what happened after Paul took over. Some others also consider it similar to a teen rated version of [[A Song of Ice and Fire|Game of Thrones]] in space (but with mechs and sci-fi tactics in place of mythical creatures and gore).<br />
<br />
BattleTech is one of the more morally grey settings out there. Moreso than many Grimdark settings where it's a matter of [[Imperium of Man|nasty jerks]] vs [[Chaos|literal demons]]. While there are a few factions which are better or worse than others on the whole ([[Magistracy of Canopus]] vs [[Clan Smoke Jaguar]]) all of the factions have their share of virtue and vice, heroes and villains. Good people can come up from the Nobility of the Federated Suns, Citizens of the Capellan Confederation or the Iron Wombs of The Clans, as can a lot real nasty bastards. In that regard, this is a rather tragic universe. In BattleTech nobody is corrupted by [[Chaos]] or seduced by the [[The Force|Dark Side]]. Instead humanity took to the stars and flourished, only to be brought low because their leaders were in the end just human with human failings. <br />
<br />
On the same note, this means that there are multiple ways of reading things and you actually have to think about motivations when forming your opinion. Is Federated Suns the home of true believers in freedom who sometimes fall short, or an empire of self-righteous hypocrites? Is (pre-WoB) ComStar the defenders of humanity's legacy of knowledge against the apocalyptic power-plays of the Great Houses to bring about a Golden age which was not merely Gilded like the last one, or a cult which feels that it has the right to dictate who gets how much tech and eliminate anyone who stands between them and their distant vision of an ideal future? Ask different people and you'll get different answers. It helps that all sourcebooks are cannonical documents in universe written by and for specific factions. Technical Readouts are written by Comstar as a sort of Jane's guides, Field Manuals are handbooks written for senior officers (e.g. one Federated Suns Field Manual is a readiness report from the commander of the armies to the first prince.) and other books are written as in universe histories. So every splatbook is biased and edited to make someone look good, and absolutely admits it. Any retcons or inconsistencies are therefore the result of in universe lies (and not poor fact checking or writing in our world) and you can choose which lies you want to believe.<br />
<br />
As far as mecha design goes, BattleTech designs run the gamut from box-on-legs (Awesome, Dragon, etc), to egg-on-legs (Catapult, Marauder, etc), through to very polished designs (which were mostly stolen from Japanese anime shows). Wrong, they hired a third party artist who sold his designs to them and the other guys. Some of the later work, post-FASA, could be quite smooth, to the point of organic looking. As such, BattleTech is a pastiche of various art styles and design philosophies, covering the range of reactions from "cool-but-impractical", to "eh, practical-and-possible", and well out into the area that will make your engineering professor have a mental fit.<br />
<br />
Lastly from a hobbyist perspective, BattleTech tries to make itself as accessable as possible. It's set up more like a [[board game]] than a miniatures wargame. The basic rules are free online, and you're allowed to represent a 'Mech with anything you can fit in the hex grid &mdash; including paper cutouts, so you can pick up and play with anyone willing to learn the rules with you.<br />
<br />
==Mechanics==<br />
[[Image:Group-Plastic-Miniatures.jpg|thumb|right|The standard use of hexmaps renders the purchase of miniatures optional, though miniatures rules for the game are available.]]<br />
[[Image:Blankrecordsheet.jpg|thumb|right|Record sheets are one of ''BattleTechs''' greatest blessings and curses.]]<br />
The basic mechanic is simple. Two six-sided dice are used, with a to-hit (Equal or greater to) system. Initiative is interlaced, with the loser moving first and the winner able to react. All weapons damage is technically done at the same time, and therefore who shoots first is insignificant, although the order in which weapons fire from any given unit resolves is important. Larger weapons can scrub off large quantities of ablative armor, while smaller multi-hit weapons stand a better chance of forcing critical hits once a location is damaged. If you get hit, you mark off the weapons damage rating from your armor. If the shot penetrates your armor, you roll potential criticals. Firing weapons and moving about generates heat, which you must keep down to keep your 'Mech working properly.<br />
<br />
Unlike games such as ''[[Warhammer]]'', where many units are either killed on the first shot or left unscathed, and little information is recorded, ''BattleTech'' uses record sheets to mark off each 'Mech's cumulative damage, ammunition, pilot status, and heat. Also, there are hit locations, so limbs can be blown off. The record sheets allow for effects that are more detailed, but this also increases the overall playtime. Although expert players can get through matches just as fast as players of other games of more or less equal size, new players often find that the game plays slowly. This is usually due to the time spent referencing hit-location tables, critical effects, etc. For new players, 2V2 matches are best, with 4V4 matches being the "cap", in order to have games that do not take excessively long. More experienced players can run games of 12v12 or larger in an afternoon, though these will often be multi-player games in which each ''player'' controls only a handful of 'Mechs.<br />
<br />
One of the biggest appeals of ''BattleTech'' is that all of its units are made with a predefined set of rules. Custom designs are fully possible, though they are not likely to be welcome in tournament matches or pick-up games. <br />
<br />
''BattleTech'' uses a build system based on 'Mech tonnage. You start with a Chassis limit, from 20-100 tons. You then determine engine size based on how fast you want your 'Mech to be (how many hexes you want it to be able to move per turn) you then allocate the remaining tonnage to control systems, weapons, ammo and armor. This method varies slightly depending on the technology of the chassis, but not overmuch. Though the system has recently been removed, there were previously three levels of technology. <br />
<br />
'''Level 1''' (Now called "Introductory Tech") referred to early-era gameplay. Only the more rudimentary weapons and technologies are available, though the critical rules remain the same. This is the preferred level at which to learn, and is synonymous with the equipment available during the Succession Wars era. It is also the level of play made possible with starter boxes.<br />
<br />
'''Level 2''' was Tournament-level gameplay. This introduced new equipment and electronics, as well as Clan technology (A more technologically advanced, but militant people). Though the rules are generally the same as those in level 1 gameplay, more-complicated equipment such as ECM, anti-missile systems, cluster munitions, etc. were better suited to more experienced players. It is the level of play made possible with separately-purchased rulebooks. Note that as the in-universe timeline advances, some more-advanced technology is designated "tournament-level", and several items that were Level 3 before the switch are also now "Tournament-Level". <br />
<br />
'''Level 3''' referred to all advanced gameplay and equipment, including specialized gear from Historical manuals and the ''Solaris VII'' boxed sets/adventures. This has since been split out into "advanced", "experimental", and "era-specific" technology. This also included all equipment that was not listed in the core rulebooks. More complex rules were inserted in order to increase the realism and flexibility of the game. These include new weapons, new or altered terrain rules, artillery, alternate rules for major mechanics such as line-of-sight, etc. Though Level 3 rules included "prototype" equipment not printed in the core rulebooks, the standard rulebook in regards to Level 3 play was called ''Maxtech''. This has now been replaced by the Catalyst Games release of ''Tactical Operations'' and its sequels. <br />
<br />
'''Advanced''' technology (not to be confused with "advanced rules" is covered largely in ''Tactical Operations'', and may be common but incorporates additional rules or restrictions that make it difficult to use without preparation. <br />
<br />
'''Experimental''' tech is not mass-produced in-universe. The items are used in one-offs, prototype designs, and other weirdness. The ''Experimental Technical Readout'' series showcases this tech level, and most of the rules are in ''Tactical Operations'' or ''Strategic Operations''. <br />
<br />
'''Era-specific''' technology incorporates advancements that were later abandoned in-verse. Usually these items were displaced by a superior version of the same technology, although there are some like the Listen-Kill missiles (which exploited a weakness in standard ECM protocols, later patched out) which are simply active for a few years and then abandoned once changing circumstances make them ineffective. Era-specific tech is the province of Historical sourcebooks, the ''Interstellar Operations'' rulebook, and a few campaign books.<br />
<br />
==Spinoff Games==<br />
Due to its popularity through the late 80s and early 90s, ''BattleTech'' spawned a multitude of spinoffs and expansion games. <br />
<br />
'''[[Lost Worlds]]''' dueling books. NOVA adapted their melee dueling system to make four books for BattleTech mecha. Each book has the opponent's view of the 'Mech on each page, and a character sheet listing possible maneuvers. Since it used the same system as the rest of their books, you could have "20-ton Locust vs. skeleton with scimitar" duels.<br />
<br />
'''MechWarrior''' was a traditional pen-and-paper RPG set in the BattleTech universe, using a ruleset similar to FASA's other hit RPG [[Shadowrun]]. It got second(1991) and third(1999) editions, then was later rebooted by Fanpro and Catalyst Games under the respective titles ''Classic BattleTech RPG'' and '''BattleTech: A Time of War''', likely to avoid conflation with WhizKids' ''MechWarrior: Dark Age''. Also because by then the "MechWarrior" title was fully associated with the video games. <br />
<br />
'''AeroTech''' and '''BattleSpace''' were both games featuring Aerospace Fighters and DropShips/WarShips respectively, fighting in orbit before any of the action in the BattleTech game itself could begin. Both games eventually got absorbed into BattleTech's rules in the ''Total Warfare'' edition. <br />
<br />
'''Battletroops''' was an infantry-scale game about the PBI who fight it out it in the shadow of BattleMechs. It later gained ''Clantroops'', an expansion pack that incorporated clan equipment as well as Battle Armor on both sides, but the game did not sell as well and the rules have since been abandoned.<br />
<br />
'''Battleforce''' was a revision of '''BattleTech''', made in recognition of the fact that large-scale combat could not be effectively played out using the current system. Battleforce simplified each 'Mech into a simple set of numbers, so that they could be clustered into units and fight over a much larger area. Battleforce 2, released about a decade later, also introduced planetary invasion maps and rules to go along with them. Although the maps are available in Map Compilation 2, the rules will be reprinted in the ''Strategic Operations'' and ''Interstellar Operations'' sourcebooks.<br />
<br />
The '''Solaris VII Boxed set''' was made to simulate the fast-paced gladiatorial combat on the game's world of Solaris VII. It included new rules, new maps with special rules, new 'Mechs, and supplements for roleplaying. Little known fact: some of the designs used in the original Solaris VII set were redesigns of the ''BattleTech'' 'Mechs which were themselves copies of Japanese mechs! When the product tried to sell in Japan, half of the designs were already copyrighted by other well known anime companies, and the in-house designs were simply not "Japanese" enough for their tastes. Though the product itself flopped, its maps were reprinted and rereleased in 2004, as well as a complimentary up-to-date rulebook. Rules have since been standardized to match those of ''Classic BattleTech'', but "Special Map rules" have been included. <br />
<br />
The '''BattleTech Collectible Cardgame''' was produced by Wizards of the Coast in 1996, and ran until 1998. Though its popularity had begun to wane after the first core set, the release of the Pokemon card game was the nail in the coffin. The BattleTech CCG hosted some very impressive artwork, though the game favored swarm-decks filled with plenty of weak, cheap 'Mechs, and it's non-"Creature" cards were too weak to have an effective deck based around them. After five editions (''BattleTech Limited''/''Unlimited'', ''Counterstrike'', ''Mercenaries'', ''MechWarrior'', ''Arsenal'') BattleTech CCG came out with ''Commander's Edition'', which picked some of the best cards of the last few editions (though it abandoned or revised some cards for inaccuracies or "brokenness") It had one final expansion, Crusade, which introduced the Steel Viper clan, though there were some prior cards that did reference the clan.<br />
<br />
In July, 2013, Catalyst Game Labs released '''Alpha Strike''', a miniatures combat ruleset designed specifically to appeal to fans of Warhammer and Flames of War. It combined BattleForce statistics with improved miniatures rules. It's generally scoffed at by grognards but the only feasible way to play a regiment-sized battle in less than one lifetime.<br />
<br />
==Video Games==<br />
'''Official Games'''<br />
* Crescent Hawk's Inception (Infocom, 1988)<br />
* MechWarrior (Activision, 1989)<br />
* Crescent Hawks' Revenge (Infocom, 1990)<br />
<!-- don't try to "fix" the spelling of the Infocom games; the product titles actually are that incorrect --><br />
* MechWarrior II (Activision, 1995)<br />
* MechWarrior II: Mercernaries (Activision 1995)<br />
** MechCommander (FASA, 1998)<br />
* MechWarrior III (Microprose, 1999)<br />
* MechWarrior IV: Vengeance (FASA/Microsoft, 2000), Black Knight (Microsoft, 2001), Mercenaries (Microsoft, 2002)<br />
** These games had two expansions that gave more 'Mechs, the Inner Sphere 'Mech Pack and Clan 'Mech Pack.<br />
** MekTek released a legal port of Mercenaries, with both 'Mech Packs, new 'Mechs, and battlesuits all inside, plus multiplayer support. Grab it from ModDB, abandonware sites, or your tracker of choice. <br />
* MechAssault 1 (Day 1/Microsoft, 2002 for Xbox)<br />
* MechAssault 2: Lone Wolf (Day 1/Microsoft, 2004 for Xbox) <br />
* MechCommander II (FASA/Microsoft, 2001. The full game is offered by Microsoft for free [http://www.microsoft.com/en-ph/download/details.aspx?id=11457 here].)<br />
* MechWarrior Online MMO (Smith & Tinker/Piranha Games, A F2P game first released on 2012 and currently out as a full product on Steam.)<br />
* MechWarrior Tactical Command (Personae Studios, 2012?, [[Fail|for iPhone/iPad]]. After some uncertainty, MTC was fully released in the iTunes store. Too bad it sucks.)<br />
* BattleTech (Harebrained Schemes, 2018) - funded through Kickstarter and headed up by Jordan Weisman)<br />
** Turn-based strategy game, similar to the original tabletop game. Takes place during the Succession Wars, in a formerly empty area of the Periphery.<br />
*MechWarrior 5: Mercenaries: (Piranha Games, 2019). Also takes place during the Succession Wars. Because nobody wants to take the time to portray the cluster fuck that is the Blake Jihad properly.<br />
<br />
'''Unlicensed Games'''<br />
* [http://www.mechlivinglegends.net MechWarrior Living Legends] (Wandering Samurai/Clan Jade Wolf, 2011)<br />
<br />
'''The following are free, homemade versions of BattleTech:'''<br />
* MechWar v1.12 (MS-DOS)<br />
* [http://megamek.info/ MegaMek] (Java)<br />
* BTMUX - ASCII-only MMO (anyone old enough to remember what a MUD is?) (any OS)<br/>You could play it in pure ASCII, or get [http://bt-thud.sourceforge.net/thud/ a graphical helper]<br/>Most of the existing ones are gone, but [http://frontiermux.com/news.php FrontierMUX] seems to still be alive.<br />
* <strike>[http://neveron.com/ Neveron] (web-based mmo)</strike> [Taken offline on July 31st 2014]<br />
* [http://www.titansofsteel.de/ Titans of Steel] (MS-Windows)<br />
<br />
==Current State==<br />
[[File:Never give up.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Little Urbie, the greatest of us all.]]<br />
As of early 2022, BattleTech is in the best state it's been in a long time. After sitting on the property for close to a decade without doing anything, Catalyst has used Kickstarter to fund a series of plastic 'Mech sculpts. Lots of this was enabled by finally resolving the legal dispute with Harmony Gold on the Unseen, but the end result is that, for the first time ever, a wide range of high quality plastic 'Mech miniatures are legitimately available. There's a "dip your toe" style starter kit with the Beginner Box, the true starter kit in BattleTech: A Game of Armored Combat, and another for the clans with Clan Invasion. Beyond those, there's a total of twenty different "Force Packs" available, each having a randomized set of 4-6 'Mechs centered on a theme of some sort. Since you only need about one Force Pack's worth of 'Mechs to play at all, ease of starting the game is definitely one of BattleTech's major virtues now.<br />
<br />
However, the year 2022 has seen some [[Skub|controversies]]. Some are mundane such as new novels, rule books, and promised miniatures being delayed repeatedly (it didn’t help that Catalyst Games Labs is mainly a publishing company that needs to outsource miniature manufacturing to barely keep up with demand). Others are more [[Derp|awkward]] such as CGL’s game developers being caught up with picking sides between [[SJW|angry activist fans and normies]] on one hand and [[/pol/|decades-old IP developers with alternate takes on history]] on the other. Another includes [[That guy|cracking down]] on forums and groups seeking to raise money under the BattleTech label on Patreon. That, and deciding to roll up the [[Nazi|Rommel tank]] into the related [[What|Patton tank]] before TPTB locked up the forum comments on the BG BattleTech website has left fans with uncomfortable mixed opinions. For all people’s [[Meme|meming]] of jumping ship to BattleTech from 40k over GW’s antics, the grass now seems to be just as patchy on the other side of the fence.<br />
<br />
===MechWarrior Online===<br />
[http://mwomercs.com/ MechWarrior Online] has, as of this writing, been running for a decade and is still receiving new content. A competitive sim-shooter, MechWarrior Online has probably been a commercial success and helped get at least some people into the hobby, but its main virtue was as a source of redesigned 'Mechs. 3D prints of models from MWO are easily found on Etsy, providing modern looks for 'Mechs that CGL hasn't gotten around to resculpting yet.<br />
<br />
===BattleTech 2018===<br />
Harebrained Schemes announced their return to Kickstarter in fall 2015 in order to fund [http://battletechgame.com/ BattleTech], a turn based tactics game featuring RPG mechanics for 'Mechs and MechWarriors. The final result was a very respectable strategy game - you play as a mercenary company commander in the year 3025, starting with a patchy collection of low grade 'Mechs and keeping your aging DropShip from falling apart around you. Gameplay is fairly close to the tabletop but not an exact recreation. The campaign follows a power struggle for control of the Aurigan Reach, a region of mostly unimportant space at the rimward end of the map, between the Magistracy of Canopus and the Taurian Concordat. The game was followed up by three DLCs - Flashpoint, which added a series of mini-campaigns of 2-3 missions each, most of them tying into BattleTech canon, Urban Warfare, which naturally added urban environments, and Heavy Metal, which added more 'Mechs and a series of flashpoint campaigns surrounding the crash-site of a lost Star League era JumpShip with [[Clan Wolverine|obscured origins]]. Overall, BattleTech 2018 is probably the standout BattleTech game of the 2010s and a great strategy game in its own right. Even cooler, the events, planets, characters, etc. of the game (though not the game itself exactly) were canonized by Catalyst Games Lab in a tabletop rulebook/sourcebook, called ''House Arano (The Aurigan Coalition)'', which was written by HBS's Andrew McIntosh and Kiva Maginn. <br />
<br />
Several fan-made mod packs (notably [https://www.nexusmods.com/battletech/mods/79/ RogueTech] and [https://www.nexusmods.com/battletech/mods/452/ BattleTech Advanced 3062]) have been produced which significantly extend the life of the vanilla game. These mods introduce many new factions, dozens of new 'Mechs and tanks, hundreds of new pieces of 'Mech equipment, a far larger star-map sandbox to play in, and far more depth to the 'Mech customization system as well as many quality of life changes. RogueTech in particular attempts to bring the game more in line with the tabletop experience and offers a much higher degree of gameplay complexity compared to vanilla BattleTech.<br />
<br />
===Mercenaries 5===<br />
Oof. Well, they gave it a shot. After over a decade since the last MechWarrior game, MechWarrior 5 was released and it was...kind of a flop. Repetitive missions and buggy AI were the primary issues, and the post-launch DLCs and bug fixes only did so much to help. As of this writing, mod support has been added, so the fans might make MW5 worth it at some point...but for now, don't bother.<br />
<br />
As of 2022, the game is now playable with all of the DLC. Notably, MW5 has incorporated melee combat in free updates, and is adding melee weapons with the next DLC. In hindsight, it's rather jarring realizing that we have been playing giant robot games without the ability to rock 'em and sock 'em. Melee better fucking get added to MWO to balance the all-powerful lights against the heavies and assaults they so often hard-counter.<br />
<br />
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01cCX49PAbI Also has a ridiculously awesome main menu theme.]<br />
<br />
==Alien Life==<br />
As previously mentioned BattleTech is unusual among sci fi wargames in having humans as the only notable sapient species. Alien life exists aplenty - but it consists entirely of plants and dumb animals. Some sources have hinted at questionably sapient cavemen, but humans are the only species in BattleTech canon to master agriculture, much less space travel. There is one possibly canon exception, however.<br />
<br />
The Tetatae are tribal bird people armed with spears who inhabit a Jungle World. They show up in a far-off world in uncharted space populated with some stranded humans from the Draconis Combine. The inclusion of sapient species was such a [[Rage|controversial]] [[Fail|action]] that the novel introducing them, Far Country, was promptly ignored by both the lore developers and fans ever since it came out. The Tetatae are only even reached through a hyperspace engine failure that can't be reliably reproduced. It's unclear whether their planet is in some far off section of the galaxy or another, but characters in the novel speculate that they may be in a different universe entirely. Opinion differs on how canon Far Country and the Tetatae are, with some saying they're canon but unreachable and can't affect the rest of BattleTech, while others claim Far Country exists as an in-universe TV show.<br />
<br />
==External links==<br />
*[http://megamek.sf.net Play through the tubes with MegaMek]<br />
*[http://www.sarna.net BattleTech Wiki that holds much information about the universe]<br />
*[http://bgb.booru.org/index.php Blue Gunner Booru, a /btg/-maintained taggable gallery of BT and related art. Perpetually in-progress.]<br />
[[Category:Wargames]][[Category:Skirmish-Level Wargames]][[Category:BattleTech]]<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
<center><br />
<gallery><br />
File:Glorious_3d_Terrain.JPG|Glorious 3d terrain<br />
File:More_Glorious_3d_Terrain.JPG|More glorious 3d terrain<br />
File:Infantry_Strike_From_Behind_As_The_Kuritian_Lance_Takes_On_4_Steiner_Mechs_And_6_Tanks.JPG|Infantry strike from behind as the Kuritan lance takes on 4 Steiner 'Mechs and 6 tanks<br />
File:Kuritians_Advancing.JPG|Kuritans advancing<br />
File:Surrounded.JPG|Kick party<br />
File:Eridani_Light_Horses_MechWarrior.png|Bad mofo<br />
File:You're_awesome.jpg<br />
File:Dougram_and_shadowhawk_comparison.png|The original anime mecha Dougram (left) compared to the original "unseen" Shadowhawk (center) and the modern Shadowhawk (right), a robot so badass it transcends cultures and 4chan boards<br />
</gallery><br />
</center><br />
<br />
==Factions Portal==<br />
{{Battletech Factions}}<br />
[[Category: BattleTech]]<br />
<br />
==/tg/ BattleTech Creations==<br />
*[[Velatine Federal Republic]]<br />
*[[/tg/ Homebrew Mech Designs]]<br />
*[[Sunbats mercenary company]]<br />
*[[/btg/ Harebrained Battalion II]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Star_Trek&diff=1009120Star Trek2026-03-21T14:29:15Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008994 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>[[File:Enterprise.jpg|thumb|500px|right|If you aren't already hearing the theme song you might not belong here.]]<br />
<br />
{{Topquote|Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before!|James T. Kirk, <s>third</s> captain of the starship USS Enterprise}}<br />
<br />
{{Topquote|[[Humanity Fuck Yeah|For the duration of this mission the prime directive is rescinded.]]|Kathryn Janeway, captain of the starship USS Voyager}}<br />
<br />
'''''Star Trek''''' is a multimedia science-fiction series and one of the cornerstones of nerdy media properties (in fact, Klingon is the most learned fictional language, rivalled only by Tolkien's elvish in popularity), and one of the few to crossover into mainstream popularity (alongside ''[[Star Wars]]'', ''[[Doctor Who]]'' and a few others). It's also one of the longest-running science fiction franchises, as it began when the the first episode of The Original Series aired in 1966, and since then has had over 50 years of geek history spanning several generations. Needless to say, it's had a huge influence on all things sci-fi, and, by extension, [[/tg/]].<br />
<br />
Originally, ''Star Trek'' was [[noblebright]] beyond noblebright and, in many ways, was the polar opposite of ''[[Warhammer 40,000|Warhammer 40K's]]'' [[grimdark]]. The more recent reboot films, however, have taken a much, ''much'' more grimdark tone, which is delightfully [[skub]]tastic.<br />
<br />
= Games =<br />
You're in /tg/ = 1d4chan, so, we'll start with the games.<br />
<br />
There's been plenty of tabletop games and [[/v/|vidya gaems]] featuring ''Star Trek'' without being merchandising bullshit (see: themed ''[[Monopoly]]'' sets), including one of the earliest action multiplayer wargame: ''Netrek''. <br />
<br />
*'''''Star Trek: Adventure Gaming in the Final Frontier''''' (1978) The very first Trek tabletop [[RPG]]. Written by, I shit you not, Michael Scott. Groggy (grokky?) as all hell, and due for an OSR.<br />
* '''''[[Starships & Spacemen]]''''' (1978 1e, 2013-present 2e) This was an attempt by a guy named Leonard Kanterman to make his own Star Trek RPG but since he didn't hold the license he had to alter the names and fudge the rules a bit so he wouldn't get sued. It appeared and died fairly quickly. It was later purchased by Goblinoid Games and heavily reworked to work more like their other game [[Labyrinth Lord]], but different enough that you can't just run material for one in the other without conversion. The 2e version has some decent third party material at least.<br />
* '''''[[Star Fleet Battles]] (SFB)''''' (1979-) The crunchiest starship combat game you're ever going to find outside of a computer. Based on the original series and not any of the later series, for licensing reasons. Takes some liberties with the setting, which (combined with the aforementioned licensing) is why "''Star Trek''" isn't actually in the title. It's had its own video game spinoff in the form of Starfleet Command. The vidya series died when the last company owned by Interplay broke up in the early 2000s, but the original game is still published by its designer, Amarillo Design Bureau (formerly in conjunction with the defunct Task Force Games).<br />
* '''''Star Trek: The Role Playing Game''''' (1982-1989) Made by [[FASA]], essentially ''[[Traveller]]''-lite, or a happier, shinier ''[[Rogue Trader]]''. Hasn't aged terribly well, what with having been made when the only canonical ''Star Trek'' materials to work with were the original and animated series, the first four films, and a couple of now non-canon novels. If you try to dust it off, expect tons of conflict with the rest of the show. Died as they were trying to update it for ''TNG'', because Paramount's corporate suits (surprise, surprise) had no idea what an RPG actually entailed and were worried about violence, and getting their cut, and... oh you know the drill by now. Welcome to the 80's.<br />
* '''''Star Trek: Starship Tactical Combat Simulator''''' (1983) FASA designed this, so it feels like ''[[Battletech]]'' but not as good.<br />
* '''''Prime Directive''''' (1993-2008) The most successful tabletop RPG line (but that's not saying much), it's actually still in print. Produced by Amarillo Design Bureau, so expect the same bizarro not-TOS setting as Star Fleet Battles. Lasted as long as it did by constantly evolving, in Borg-like fashion, to adapt to the current zeitgeist.<br />
* '''''Star Trek [[Card_Game|CCG]]''''' (1994-2007, 2011-2014, 2013-2015, 2018-) There's been a few of these, most notably the games released by [[Decipher]], but never globally popular. They also suffered from game balance problems from fans wanting their fave character, but needing extra rules for their quirks. There's also the problem of putting numbers to character stats, such as one game that asserted that [[Heresy|Picard having about twice the integrity of a Klingon pig]]. Later versions are "deck-building" games to try to cash in on the popularity of ''[[Dominion]]'' and ''Thunderstone''. And now virtual CCGs are the order of the day.<br />
* '''''Star Trek: The Next Generation Role Playing Game''''' (1998-2000) The next attempt, made by Last Unicorn Games. Won an Origins Award for best new game. Has a lot of extraneous skills, as expected of a 90's RPG, but does a good job of capturing the feel of the show. Includes core books for Deep Space Nine and The Original Series, with a planned Voyager book never released. Tons of fan material is available, including books for Enterprise, Voyager, and even the Captain Pike era. Authors of the original game have also finished and released adventures and sourcebooks online. Died an untimely death.<br />
* '''''Star Trek Red Alert''''' (2000) A Diskwars game themed to ''Star Trek''.<br />
* '''''Star Trek Roleplaying Game''''' (2002-2005) When [[Decipher]] had the CCG license, they decided, "What the hell, let's make an RPG, too." Some of the authors of the Last Unicorn Games RPG worked on this game. The systems are similar but different enough that they aren't compatible. The fluff focuses more on the Voyager era. A well made game but it's forgotten for a reason. <br />
* '''''Star Trek Online''''' (2010-) An [[MMORPG|MMO]]. Decent gameplay mechanics, especially starship combat. Storyline leaves something to be desired, especially when the ostensibly [[Noblebright|peaceful]] Federation trades shots at least once with every other faction in the galaxy. Is also sadly being screwed over by CBS, forcing the game to bend more and more unnaturally as they keep fucking with the canon. Still, it's solid enough for an MMO and you can hit max level quick enough to get into the real meat of the game and join a Fleet (their version of a guild) and blow shit up.<br />
* '''''Call To Arms: Star Trek''''' (2011) [[Mongoose_Publishing|Mongoose]]'s license for ''Babylon 5'' expired, so they collaborated with Amarillo Design Bureau (the ''Star Fleet Battles'' guys), re-themed the game to Star Trek along with improving the system to make it more nifty. Less micro-management than SFB, and ships get some cinematic feats.<br />
* '''''Star Trek: Expeditions''''' (2011) Ignore the tie-ins to the movie, Reiner Knizia designed this. Explore the gameboard, flip over missions, try to have the proper crew to get victory points.<br />
* '''''Star Trek: Fleet Captains''''' (2011) Tile flipping, exploring, and spaceships fighting over resources<br />
* '''''Star Trek: Attack Wing''''' (2013-) [[WizKids]] license the flightpath system from [[Fantasy Flight Games]] and adds ''Star Trek'' to the mix, [[Skub]] ensues. The game has been consistently plagued with balance issues, to the point where the rules errata is more than ten times longer than the actual rules and the "official" rules for things like the Borg's special movement and fighter squadrons are completely different from the printed rulebook.<br />
* '''''Star Trek: Ascendancy''''' (2016-) 4X table top boardgame from Gale Force 9. Most of the races are represented, though the base set only has the Federation, Klingons and Romulans. Andorians, Vulcans, Cardassians and Ferengi can be purchased as expansions. There is even a Borg expansion that turns the game semi-coop as everyone tries real hard not to be assimilated.<br />
* '''''[[Star Trek Adventures]]''''' (2017-) The latest attempt at an RPG, by Modiphius. Runs on a similar engine to the creator's ''[[Conan the Barbarian]]'' which both makes sense, since they're both pulpy storytelling, and is hilarious, given the total tonal mish-mash between the two. It also comes with a whole range of miniatures of the various crews from the show. Task resolution is generally done via a mixture of six attributes and six disciplines, which are added together, then used as a modifier for a d20 roll. Disciplines represent what you're doing while attributes reflect how you're doing it, so a fist fight and a starship battle would both use the Security discipline even though one keys off Daring and the other uses Reason or Insight. They also have various Values that can be tapped for additional dice, a shared pool of Momentum all players can spend to gain advantages and add to by overboosting on success, and a pool of Threat that they can give the GM rather than burning Momentum, which he can then spend to make the situation degrade. It's a fun system, but it requires a GM who can wrap their head around the idea of an evolving situation rather than a set encounter to really click, which can be hard for GMs who're used to the ''D&D'' model.<br />
<br />
= So why should I care? =<br />
Because between them, these six TV series and their assorted spinoff movies, books, etc. can provide inspiration for any sci-fi game you could care to run. If you want light-hearted action, look at the sort of things that happened in ''TOS'' or ''DS9'' to get the crew into some dangerous situation. If you want a charismatic villain, look at Gul Dukat or the Borg Queen ([[skub|but not the one in Voyager]]). More serious issues are often handled with various degrees of success. While many science fiction series deal with a wide range of topics, Star Trek does so as aspects of a greater world. Like [[Tolkien]] is to fantasy it's a prime gateway drug to science fiction and especially science fiction which is more than "action movie IN SPACE!"<br />
<br />
Not to mention in any sci-fi RPG with remotely free-form rules you're likely to encounter ''Star Trek'' fanboys, so you might as well know what they're talking about. The unholy spawn of a Trekkie and a [[Furry]] is known as a [[Chakat]], and you should fear it.<br />
<br />
At its best ''Star Trek'' is thoughtful, optimistic futurism with a positive human element, taking you to strange new worlds in a way that's accessible to even the layman. At its worst (and also at its best sometimes) ''Star Trek'' is smug, hypocritical, preachy and sloppy in all the ways [[That Guy]] brings to the typical group.<br />
<br />
= Setting =<br />
Here's the Cliff's Notes on ''Star Trek''. A couple of general warnings; firstly, ''Star Trek'' likes to ''really'' take its "racial themes" bits just a little too far. Second, despite this, it's rare for an entire race to be completely irredeemable the way many fictional aliens are: there are heroic and sympathetic characters from nearly every race listed below, able to put more-positive spins on their racial themes. Thirdly, aside from very occasional appearances by [[H.P. Lovecraft|aliens who are so bizarre that humankind can barely comprehend them]], all of the aliens look like dudes with rubber masks on (because they are). In real life, this was because there was no budget for anything else, but in-universe it's been explained by some kind of [[Old Ones|Precursor]] race who seeded all of the planets with their broadly humanoid DNA, and every race evolved slightly differently from there. There isn't much [[fluff]] on what these precursors were like, and some of it was contradictory, and Gene Roddenberry didn't like the idea (although he still had to work with the rubber forehead stuff). The good news for fa/tg/uys who like [[homebrew]] is that this makes it fairly easy to write [[d20 system]] rules for all of the races - after all, most ''D&D'' races are just humans with rubber masks on...<br />
<br />
== A Composite Creation ==<br />
This is a general note that one should consider: Star Trek was created in pretty much the opposite way as The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Tolkien worked out a bunch of linguistic stuff and general history of Arda in his spare time over the course of years, then decided to use that as the basis for some stories that he eventually gave to some publishers which in the end sold quite well. <br />
<br />
Roddenberry, by contrast, pitched a very broad general idea (it's the future, things are good, we got some guys on a ship exploring space; a "wagon train to the stars") to the networks and eventually Lucy from ''I Love Lucy'' made it happen. Roddenberry then worked with a variety of writers and actors (and some later on in later series) who added to this rough skeleton of an idea in a process that would continue on to this day. <br />
<br />
This is not to knock either approach, but both have their advantages and disadvantages. In regards to Star Trek, a franchise that's been going on for more than half a century and was a conflict-of-the-week show for most of that, there were numerous people at the helm and many of them had often contradictory ideas about what should be done with nobody to tell them no, meaning that [[Black Library|the canon is a fucking mess and much of it is something people prefer to forget]]. In general fans and <s>writers</s> fans with a paycheck have spent a whole lot of time trying to straighten things out, and much of the lore is basically a [https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Portal:Main rough consensus of what people like and what fits in with it]. Later series got more systematic about this, but there are still points of contention and a lot of flat out contradictions due to its scattershot nature.<br />
<br />
= Factions =<br />
<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:800px"><br />
'''The Federation'''<br />
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"><br />
[[File:Federation_Ships.jpg|thumb|500px|left|Starfleet's ships of the Line (original universe/canon)]]<br />
Might as well talk about that main faction. The United Federation of Planets is what the [[Tau]] think they are. Its backstory is that in the distant future of the 1990s, [[God-Emperor of Mankind|übermensch]] [[Space Marines|created by genetic engineering]] began conquering the Earth. The [[Imperial Guard|normies]] fought back and won through sheer numbers, cryogenically freezing the Augments and kicking them out of Earth, but the damage and mass political unrest of World War III got half the planet nuked. This was why genetic engineering was banned. Fortunately, in 2063, a <s>drunken asshole</s> heroic visionary named Zefram Cochrane created humanity's first warp drive (though it functioned based on the principle that gravity bends space-time, and was therefore more akin to an Alcubierre drive than anything that's dependent on the [[Warp]]) and made first contact with the Vulcans. The Vulcans eventually helped humanity rebuild and overcome poverty, disease, war and hunger. With its Earthly problems solved, man turned to the stars and found out its three closest neighbors were [[Imperium of Man|racist xenophobic dicks trying to murder each other]]. Since any war between them would've swept up puny little Earth and gotten it glassed, humans decided to force their neighbors to sit down and talk things out. Incredibly, it worked, and the United Federation of Planets was born.<br />
<br />
The Federation is a commie [[noblebright]] hippieland society with a post-scarcity economy and a strong democratic government ([[Mary Sue|pretty much Roddenberry's idea of utopia]]). As a result, Federation citizens work not because they have to, but because they want to. However, despite their advanced technology, transhumanism, that is intentionally making [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHREENS]] and mutants like the infamous antagonist Khan Noonien Singh, is illegal.<br />
<br />
The Federation's Navy is almost always called Starfleet. It's a mix between a military, a coast guard and a space agency, and usually rates scientific research as a higher priority than defense. One of its quirks is that it doesn't subscribe to the "bigger is better" policy used in most [[Warhammer 40K|sci-fi]], and even by most of the other ''Star Trek factions''. If the Federation ''does'' make a large ship, it's because they want it to have a daycare, swimming pool and ice cream bar. If they want a warship, they'll take a little gunship half the size of a modern day destroyer and pack it with enough antimatter nukes and guns to exterminate a solar system. In some cases, especially when dealing with ships from several centuries into the future, the ship is bigger on the inside than on the outside [[Creed|allowing it to hide a vast array of powerful armaments, ''space-bending'' equipment, and even whole planetary landscapes]]. They can get away with this because they out-tech almost everyone else by a country mile. The reason for the series' infamous "technobabble" is that <s>even ''they'' don't know everything their tech can do!</s> their technology is always evolving, and they know it so well that they can often use it in ways that even the original in-show design schematics did not intend.<br />
<br />
In theory, Starfleet follows a rule called the "Prime Directive", which says that you're not allowed to interfere with low-tech races ("low-tech" being defined as "not having invented the warp drive", since warp technology apparently follows naturally from the laws of physics) or else things like turning the locals into Nazis might happen. The Original Series talked about this rule all the time, and Captain Kirk threw it aside whenever there was a sexy alien babe in sight. From ''TNG'' onward, it tended to instead be brought up whenever a hack writer needed a reason for the heroes to ''not'' instantly resolve a given problem with their superior technology or a way of making our heroes look like assholes for following it rigidly (yes, we could save this species from extinction but that would be interfering with the cosmic plan!), though there were a few good episodes that took it seriously.<br />
<br />
Some of the more important member races are:<br />
<br />
'''Founding members:'''<br />
* [[Humans]]: You know 'em, you love 'em. Comprise seemingly 90% of Starfleet for reasons in no way related to the cost of makeup/CGI.<br />
* [[Vulcan]]: The Original [[Eldar|Space Elves]], very emotional, especially during "pon'farr" (see below), who followed the teachings of an enlightened sage and embraced logic and rationalism after their emotions nearly led to them [[Slaanesh|wiping themselves out]]. They are what the average race of fantasy elves think they are, except on ''Enterprise'' because the writers wanted to artificially inject tension into the show (some of that was retconned to be a Romulan plot). Occasionally enter a state called "pon'farr," where they need to either [[Dark Eldar|fuck something half to death]], kill it with the nearest sharp object, or die of a brain aneurysm to let out all that pent-up emotional tension. Fa/tg/uys may recognize this as the sensation they feel every time [[Games Workshop]] puts out a new army book. There are ships with mostly Vulcan crews. But only two are seen. One commanded by the biggest jerk among them and the other [[grimdark|got eaten by a giant space amoeba.]] However they're pretty bro-tier overall. <br />
* Andorians: Blue dudes with antennae and constant fits of passion, the polar opposite of Vulcans and their one time foes. Pretty much fa/tg/uys, right down to the romantic streak, in the technical sense. Also, they live underground on a diet of meatbread and rage. Most of what defined them happened in Enterprise as they rarely showed up in the TNG-era, and even then did so as set dressing, allegedly because one of the showrunners hated their antennae and banned anyone from using them.<br />
* Tellarites: Space [[Dwarf|Dorfs]]; like insulting everyone and arguing a lot (no, really, petty insults are considered a polite gesture in Tellarite culture), mostly because the very first tellarite ever shown in the series got in an argument with Spock's dad and now it's their whole racial thing. It's all in good fun you understand, your confidence in your ideas and actions should be sturdy enough to withstand honest assessment and critique.<br />
'''Notable Additional Members:'''<br />
* Betazoids: Invariably attractive humanoid aliens with telepathic powers. Half-betazoid, half-humans apparently only have "empathic" powers, so they are well-regarded by Starfleet captains for their ability to point out the obvious and fill out the tight bodygloves that make up the Starfleet uniform in a pleasing manner, especially since theirs seem to come in a custom cut for reasons entirely unrelated to Roddenberry's erection. Their homeworld is like dropping a really hippie college and Space Vegas into a blender. They were taken over during The Dominion war because Earth or Vulcan would be seen as bullshit due to their large post Borg attack defense fleets/ship yards. While the writers would have to actually add new characters for the Andorians and Tellarites(such as Ambassadors for a government in exile). So Betazoid took the hit to raise the stakes.<br />
* Trill: Originally a one-off race introduced as a sapient parasite that possesses and controls a barely, or even unintelligent humanoid host, they were radically reworked in ''Deep Space Nine'', right down to losing their rubber foreheads in favor of spots. Now, the host is itself an intelligent humanoid, and some, but not all, of their kind are able to willingly merge with a symbiont (because someone can't spell) that allows them to access a mixture of the memories and personalities of all previous hosts, though in a way that, theoretically, enhances the host's personality rather than destroying it or subsuming it. Then, when they die, they can pass on the symbiont to another host, theoretically, one they mentored. They went from having a rubber forehead to some spots because Terry Farrell had a allergic reaction to the make-up.<br />
* Tamarians: Previously a one-off in ''TNG'', newly joined as of ''Lower Decks''. Tamarian communication is based entirely around metaphor and idiom, meaning their entire language is predicated on understanding their history's pop culture references. This throws the universal translator for a fit, as it can chew on the vocabulary okay but it can't unpack the contextual meanings. Imagine a medieval monk trying to decipher Korean text messages and you've got the basic idea.<br />
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'''The Klingon Empire'''<br />
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[[Image:Batleth.jpg|thumb|right|A Bat'Leth (sword of honor), one of several types of Klingon bladed weapons. Frequently mocked IRL for being a poorly designed weapon.]]<br />
[[Commissar|''"It is a good day to die!"'']]<br />
<br />
The Federation's main rival and (movie era and afterward) the quintessential ''Star Trek'' race of lumpy foreheaded aliens. Originally they were a rough analog to the Russians (though they took some elements from [[Communism|communist China]]) in a rough cold war allegory with the Federation (even though the Federation are as commie as they come, though admittedly much of that came around in the TNG era). Their defining feature was that they were militaristic and imperialistic while the Federation was scholarly and respected liberty. This gradually moved more and more into them becoming Imperial Japan/[[Vikings]] In SPESSS obsessed with honor, fighting and dying honorably in battle while worshiping at the altar of [[Sigmar|warrior Jesus]], even as they turned from the Federation's bitter enemies into that friend who's fun to be around when he's not getting into drunken bar fights. You see shades of it during the movie era and it became more and more prominent through ''TNG'', culminating in ''DS9''. Do not make the mistake of thinking that Klingons are nothing more than barbaric savages, however; with Worf being part of the crew, and with ''DS9'' dealing with Klingon politics an awful lot we can see Klingon society as it truly is. Even so, they do often wander into self-parody territory.<br />
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The Klingons, in their current iteration, are a feudal society ruled by a council made up of the most powerful families. Klingon society holds very little value on things such as currency and material gain (which results in the Klingon empire [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65l7RHUx2A having a very simplistic understanding of economics]), believing that anything you acquire without some form of blood, sweat and/or tears on your part is a pathetic and dishonorable way of going about things. Another thing to keep in mind is that a Klingon's reputation is literally everything. Central to this is fighting your battles personally and against worthy opponents. Calling out a superior is almost always an honorable fight, and Klingon captains can expect challenges if they become lax or suspect in their decisions. Klingons are still capable of being cunning and crafty, however, and having a high diplomacy score is viewed as honorable as they still have examples of cunning and clever heroes tricking boorish and stupid monsters.<br />
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[[Warhammer 40000|Klingons often carry swords into battle in an age of energy beam guns]]. In-universe, this is less suicidal than it sounds in the context of boarding actions and tight starship corridors. The Bat'leth is actually a rather shitty weapon. The Mek'leth is noted to be better in most situations. They use the same Disruptor weapons as the Romulans, and at one point used similar starship designs. While is explained as the result of a temporary and unholy alliance, given the eventual animosity between the two races, it was just an excuse to reuse props on a limited budget.<br />
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The Klingons are tied with the Vulcans and the Borg as being the most prominent and recognizable non-human species in Star Trek. Beloved of the Internet and the general public, to the point that there are published books like "A Klingon Christmas" in the world. The Klingons have their own constructed language. If you are ever worrying that you might not be a nerd, learning Klingon will solve that problem for you. Please note that this is in general considered by experts to be pathognomonic of autism. You have not experienced Shakespeare until you hear it in the original Klingon.<br />
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'''The Romulan Star Empire'''<br />
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''"It's always chess with the Romulans."''<br />
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You know those [[Eldar|Vulcans]]? Well a few thousand years ago, as their planet was ravaged by war, some of them turned to intense emotional control and logic to tame their murderous passions, while most others left the planet altogether, founding a colony on the planet Romulus and dubbing themselves [[Dark Eldar|Romulans]]. Since said planet shares a name with a mythical figure known for founding [[Roman Empire|a city which built a vast empire]], and they had warp drive while those around them did not, you probably know that they turned to building an empire of their own. They hold the second place of prominence as immediate rivals to the Federation. Comically, they actually have better emotional control than the average Vulcan, since they gene-engineered most of their problems away years ago, and don't have to deal with the emotional blowback from pon'farr. The downside is that they lost some of their cousins' niftier powers, like mind-reading and being able to put your soul in a jar for safekeeping. According to Star Trek Online their trip to Romulus was a terrible ordeal, and their gene-engineering was taking during that time resulting in them losing most emotions save for bitterness of being "forced out".<br />
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The difference between the Klingons and the Romulans is basically the difference between Gork and Mork, or Khorne and Tzeentch. Klingons will fight you up front with simple brute force. Romulans are sneakier guys, preferring to fight you when you're not looking with spies, cloaked ships and complex plots behind the scenes and playing the long game. There is a lot of political infighting among them, though where the Klingons would duel to the death Romulans would seek to discredit their rivals, have them die in unfortunate "accidents" or disappear. This difference has left both Romulans and Klingons with a big hate-boner for each other, to the Romulans the Klingons are crude brutish barbarians and to the Klingons the Romulans are a pack of scheming cowardly weaklings.<br />
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Like the Klingons, they served as a rough Cold War allegory. In this case, they were rough analogs to Communist China (as seen by 1960s Americans), a distant horde of inscrutable and potentially dangerous Orientals who generally were unseen and projecting vague menace, but when encountered face-to-face could pack quite a punch indeed: the first major Interstellar War that Star Trek Earth fought was with the Romulans, which was fought entirely in space with neither side ever seeing the other face to face. Afterward, they set up a 'Neutral Zone' between the Federation and the Romulan Empire that no one even tried to cross for a century. From the Original Series onward, they frequently squabble and bicker with the Federation, before joining forces with them to fight the Dominion in ''Deep Space Nine'' and having their government devastated in ''Nemesis''. <br />
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In one of the two alternate universes created by J.J.<strike>Binks</strike>Abrams movies, the so-called "Prime Universe", Romulus itself got caught in a supernova as part of the Abramsverse's backstory. In Star Trek Online this led to their becoming effectively space gypsies and bartering for aid wherever they could to rebuild Romulus, but CBS would later retcon that in ''Picard'' in favor of something retarded.<br />
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'''The Ferengi Alliance'''<br />
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[[Image:GW_Ferengi.jpg|thumb|left|A typical ferengi engaged in typical ferengi activities]]<br />
{{topquote|A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.|Eighteenth Rule of Acquisition}}<br />
<br />
What [[/pol/]] thinks Jews are. Some Jewish people have actually complained that, being money-hungry, lascivious, and ugly with overly large <s>noses</s> earlobes, they were anti-Semitic, apparently forgetting Gene Roddenberry was one of the most transparent crypto-Jews in television. Claims of stereotyping aside, they're basically just a ripoff of the ''Shingouz'' from [[Valerian and Laureline|''Valérian and Laureline'']]. <br />
<br />
The idea was to make a caricature of capitalism as a contrast with the techno-communist Federation, to serve as TNG's replacement for the Klingons as prime antagonist race. This might have worked if these were not [[FAIL|''TNG's'' early days]]. Instead, they overshot the mark by a light year or so and you got a race of short (Gene wanted to make an evil short race as big evil races were [[Derp|"overplayed"]]) [[goblin]]-like losers about as threatening as a grumpy pug. Over the first and second seasons they tried to make these guys threatening, but they fell flat on their face every time; eventually the writers just said "fuck it" and the Ferengi got demoted to comic relief species, and their status as terrible enemies was retconned into propaganda designed to scare the Federation while the Ferengi government tried to figure out what to make of a species that rejected the acquisition of wealth as a goal. The Ferengi had some good moments in the later seasons of ''TNG'', but most of the best stuff that fleshed them out came from ''DS9'', which had an [[awesome]] Ferengi bartender named Quark as a major character. For an idea of what the Ferengi might have been like if the writers had their shit together, look up the Druuge of [[Star Control|Star Control II]] or the Magog Cartel from Oddworld. <br />
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Ferengi religion is only hinted upon in ''DS9'', but what is seen implies a simplistic system based on financial success. Ferengi all follow a rulebook/canon known as the Rules of Acquisition, which can be described as Ayn Rand IN SPACE and condensed into the form of Confucius' Analects. There are 285 of these, each a short piece of advice on how to stay in the black. Examples include "Peace is good for business," "War is good for business," "Never have sex with the boss's sister," and "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack." The first (and most important) of these is "Once you have their money, you never give it back."<br />
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Ferengi government is ruled over by a Grand Nagus, a mix between a <s>pope</s> chief rabbi and a CEO, and he basically treats his civilization like some sort of company, with citizens regarded as workers. Directly below him is the Ferengi Commerce Authority, a [[what|quasi-religious]] organization dedicated to ensuring that correct business practices were followed and correct moral behavior was shown (including keeping the proles in line) - of course, to the Ferengi, these are one and the same. The agents of the FCA are the Liquidators, who are essentially Inquisitors crossed with IRS auditors on steroids. Be afraid. Be very afraid. <br />
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Ferengi females have no rights and are mentioned as [[PROMOTIONS|not even being allowed to wear clothes]], which leads to [[That Guy|boorish behavior]] on the part of Ferengi towards just about any species. Quark's mother, a social climber who marries the head of their government, begins pushing through a women's rights movement during DS9, which proves more successful as time goes on.<br />
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'''The Borg Collective'''<br />
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[[Image:Borg cube.jpg|300px|thumb|right|The Borg have assimilated and improved your [[d6|die]]. It always rolls six. Crap your pants, 'cause resistance is futile.]]<br />
{{Topquote|We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture shall adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.|The Borg's opening hail. This is not a boast or a brag, it's them simply explaining to you how things are going to go down.}}<br />
{{Topquote|One other thing. You may encounter Enterprise crew members who've already been assimilated. Don't hesitate to fire. Believe me, you'll be doing them a favour.|Picard going full [[grimdark]].}}<br />
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The Ferengi were utter failures as serious villains, so they needed something to fill that gap. Thus they made the Borg, an aggressive [[Tyranid|hive-minded]] collective of hyper-adaptive, [[Necron|regenerating]] cyborgs that assimilates entire species into itself in its attempt to improve and evolve. Shit, that's like coming up with [[Warforged]] while trying to replace [[Kender]].<br />
<br />
In many ways, the Borg are the truest dark reflection of the Federation. While the Feds want you to join their little club on your own, to "add your culture to the galactic community," the Prime Directive means they will ultimately accept you turning them down, even if you have shit they really want. The Borg say "fuck that" and just absorb you. While the Federation believes everyone should work together [[Tau|for the greater good]], they still have a very strong sense of individualism and a culture of personal accomplishment (unless your individual belief happens to run counter to the Federation's principles anyway, in which case you're just WRONG because the Federation is the best). The Borg pool all their minds together into a massive collective consciousness in the pursuit of group perfection, becoming an almost-literal personification of techno-capital. The Federation is all about beauty and tranquility and all that hippie stuff, and their tech is eco-friendly and dolphin-safe. Borg [[Tyranids|strip mine entire planets and drain entire oceans]] in the name of growth and efficiency.<br />
<br />
Your standard Borg [[Cubes|cube]] is a huge multi-kilometer [[Firaeveus Carron|metal box]] (yes, bigger than most [[Imperial Navy]] cruisers) able to go up against an entire Federation warfleet and win. That's right, one of their ships could threaten the entire Federation and [[Exterminatus]] Earth. When done right, [[Necron|they are a cold, calculating, nigh-unstoppable force, a threat to all life]] that wants to retain free and distinct personalities (although they will ignore a single person if not on an assimilation mission, as what they really want is to absorb whole civilizations). Apparently, in Picard's nightmare in ''First Contact'', the Borg assimilation process includes a surgical [[Grimdark|drill through the eye. While awake.]] Of all the stuff to come out of the TNG Era they are undoubtedly the most well recognized in mass pop culture. They are not Swedish.<br />
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Unfortunately they got a bad downgrade during ''Voyager'' (the Borg Queen blew up cubes full of tens of thousands of drones because a few of them have been severed from the Hive Mind), but even there they were frequently not to be messed with. One amusing thing to note for people that haven't watched ''TNG'': the Borg were actually only in six episodes (and three were breakaway drones) and one movie, yet they're arguably the franchise's most famous pure villains aside from Khan. Goes to show how good they were when written properly. Then in ''Voyager'' they get their shit completely pushed in when they discover a new race of extradimensional aliens which they label Species 8472, which were immune to being assimilated, and had to ask the Federation for help in dealing with them. [[Necron#Regarding_Fluff_Change_-_Sore_Butts_Everywhere.|Wait, this sounds familiar...]]<br />
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'''The Cardassian Union'''<br />
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{{Topquote|Out of all the stories you told me, which one were true and which ones weren't."<br><br />
"My dear doctor, they're all true."<br><br />
"Even the Lies?" <br><br />
"Especially the lies.|Julian Bashir and Elim Garak}}<br />
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Introduced in ''TNG'', they are third fiddle to the Klingons and the Romulans. If the Klingons are hypothetically-honorable techno-barbarian warriors and the Romulans are an empire of civilized and refined but sly and ruthless expansionists, the Cardassians are essentially scaly fascists re-enacting ''[[1984]]'' IN SPACE. Their trials announce the outcome at the beginning, and the defense attorney is executed if he wins. Also, THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!<br />
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Originally a race of peaceable, spiritual artists called the Hebitians (ironically not dissimilar to the Bajorans), modern Cardassia was born in hunger and desperation when their homeworld began to suffer simultaneous mass famine, pandemic, resource depletion, and ecological collapse. A military junta seized power, figuratively and literally auctioned off the soul of their culture through liquidating all the planet's art and religious artifacts into cold hard cash, and turned the Cardassians into the opportunistic imperialists they are today.<br />
<br />
Despite being a whole lot weaker than the Federation, the Cardassians manage to hold their own, partly because what they lack in resources and raw power is made up for by a combination of intense cunning and high charisma stats. Compared to the equally deceptive Romulans, the Cardies are more likely to flash you a smile while tickling your ribs with a knife. They'll use any tool they can to gain the upper hand and while that often means unpleasant and terminal sessions in dark rooms, strip mined planets and the enslavement of entire species, they'll gladly become your bestest buddy if it would achieve their goals. Their intelligence service, the Obsidian Order, is also one of the most ruthlessly efficient organizations in the entire sector, managing to outscale the Romulan Tal Shiar when it comes to producing magnificent bastards and manipulating the politics of entire worlds to their advantage. Unlike the Romulans or the Klingons, they don't tolerate the sort of literal infighting that is rampant in both those states, that shit only serves to weaken '''GLORIOUS CARDASSIA''' and needs to be stamped out with ruthless efficiency. Exposing that someone who just happens to be your enemy as being a dangerous subversive is just a benefit, although this can result in both sides of a conflict shouting "For Cardassia!" as they charge each other. Sort of how Democrats and Republicans are both for America, yet oppose each other.<br />
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Cardassia has a very fluid hierarchical government, similar to the political realities of post-Stalin but pre-Collaspe Soviet Russia. Broadly speaking, there are three different facets of the government: the Central Command (which holds all the power) the Obsidian Order (who holds the least amount of power, but controls the most puppets) and the Detapa Council (similar to the [[High Lords of Terra]] and just as worthless). Cardassian society holds a very strict view of family, placing family just below the needs of the State in a vague approximation of Confucianism.<br />
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The State holds a semi-divine mythical status in the eyes of its citizens, with it being viewed as impossible for the State to ever make mistakes. The ideal Cardassian life was one of complete loyalty and servitude to the State and family, with the "repetitive epic," detailing how generations of Cardassians go on to serve both in exactly the same way over and over seen as the height of their culture. The Cardassian government is assumed to be omniscient, omnipotent, and benevolent by pretty much every Cardassian, with all Cadassians gladly giving of themselves to the State. Such was this level of belief that when Picard was tortured by the Obsidian order, the torturer saw nothing wrong with bringing his daughter to work because he was working for the State, and therefore the torture of Picard could never be disturbing or wrong. That's why their trials announce their sentences at the beginning and execute the defense attorney if he wins; their "trials" are more excuses to show off the power and infallibility of the State to the masses than actually determine guilt or innocence.<br />
<br />
In terms of the Alpha Quadrant's political landscape, they are basically space fascist Italy: indisputably still a great power but nonetheless basically the weakest of the great powers, resentful of it, and unwilling to accept it. They first bully weaker powers in an attempt to carve out an empire, turn from a military junta to a despotist state after a coup, eventually join a bigger, meaner power in a great war against the rest of the Quadrant in an attempt to gain power and respect, see it blow up in their faces and force them to rise again in revolt to save themselves. Beta canon continues the analogy with the establishment of a democratic but unstable postwar government in the vein of the Years of Lead.<br />
<br />
As far as plot significant activities went, they had a war with the Federation a few years before ''TNG'' which ended in the creation of a Demilitarized Zone between the two powers and (significant to ''Deep Space Nine'') abandoning the previously occupied planet of Bajor they had exploited for resources and along with it the space station Terok Nor, which the Federation took over and renamed Deep Space Nine. After a disastrous war with the Klingon Empire and a faction of ex-Starfleet settlers who refused to be relocated after a treaty called the Maquis led to a popular revolution and overthrow of the existing government, one leader seized power, declared himself absolute ruler, and joined the Dominion towards the end of ''DS9'', which was some serious bad news for the ''DS9'' crew, and, ultimately his own people.<br />
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'''The Bajoran Republic'''<br />
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The Bajorans are a species native to the Planet Bajor. They were, until shortly before the events of ''Deep Space Nine'', under a brutal occupation by the Cardassians who strip mined their planet. They had a fighting resistance which veered in and out of being considered terrorists and all in all were often represented as Palestinians IN SPEHSS. After that, they got their independence, although they're thinking about joining the Federation. The Bajorans have one system and are technologically backwards; the Federation is technically breaking the Prime Directive by interacting with them, but as they've spent years under the oppression of a warp-capable species, they can probably handle it. Also ''DS9'' proves that ancient Bajorans managed to travel at warp speeds to Cardassia using solar sails and an enormous amount of luck, which technically makes them a warp-capable species. The only reason why they are significant in terms of the politics of ''Star Trek'' is that they have a wormhole near their planet, which has some timey-wimey aliens living it that they worship as gods, and serves as the only way to get to or from the Gamma Quadrant that won't take decades, making it strategically priceless. Hilariously, this was discovered almost immediately after the Cardassians ''thought'' they'd extracted everything of value from the Bajorans and peace'd out, certain that the system was no longer worth the PR hit they were taking from it, only to get burned by some harsh seller's remorse. Also, their species has the oldest civilization (roughly a half-million years) of any major ''Star Trek'' race, and the wormhole aliens have gifted them some cool shit, like the Orb of Time.<br />
<br />
The other big thing that makes the Bajorans unique is that they actually have a serious religion going on in a way that isn't an extension of their racial "hat" -the human race is depicted as mostly non-religious. They're also probably one of the most accurate depictions of any highly religious alien race in a sci-fi franchise, because they are divided between the majority who interpret their religion as [[Noblebright|peace and love]], and a small but loud minority of bastards who interpret it as [[Grimdark|condoning acts of terrorism]]. They generally represent all manner of oppressed and colonized peoples throughout Earth's history, with the Cardassian occupation standing in for the Holocaust, Imperial Japanese atrocities in Asia, and European mischief in Africa during the Age of Imperialism.<br />
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'''The Dominion'''<br />
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A vast empire which exists on the other side of the galaxy in the Gamma Quadrant. The Dominion is ruled over by a species of liquid shapeshifters called The Founders.(aka Changlings, Odo's people) They have at their disposal a military composed of two genetically engineered species that worship the Founders as gods: the short and articulate Vorta who serve as ambassadors, bureaucrats, and political commisars and the big brutal Jem'hadar, who are vat grown, drug addicted, cannon fodder. These oversee a large number of vassal races, including (as of later seasons of ''DS9'') the Cardassians.<br />
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The Founders were once (according to them anyway) a peaceful, kind civilization of explorers who wished to see the galaxy, explore strange new worlds, and seek out new forms of life. Unfortunately, they did this in the wrong neighborhood, and quickly ran into species who did not tolerate others. The fact that the Founders were shapeshifters capable of mimicking almost anyone did not help either. Paranoia, mutual mistrust, and some very bad things eventually led to the Founders deciding "fuck this" and moving their planet into a nebula so nobody would bother them. So more or less, a [[Grimdark|grimmer]], [[Grimdark|darker]], counterpart to the Federation, but with spookier Real Aliens.<br />
<br />
The Founders are obsessed with order and are both extremely racist and xenophobic, and believe that all alien life is inherently untrustworthy and evil, and the best thing to do is conquer/enslave them before they do the same to them. They don't care about the rights of "Solids", and will happily ignore any sense of decency when convenient. This can be seen when The Dominion runs a simulation of the Dominion dominating the Alpha Quadrant. When O'Brien is assaulted by a Jem'Hadar and severely beaten to the point of needing emergency teleportation to medical (the crime being "disrespectful"), the Founders (disguised as Federation Officers) do not press charges, and when Sisko comes barging in demanding answers, dismiss him with little concern about their own soldiers brutalizing citizens. Their overall ideology could be thought of as Qin legalism IN SPACE: people are inherently evil and the only way to make a better world is to impose order upon them through brute force from a position of absolute, unquestioned power.<br />
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The Founders, when not wandering around in various forms, tend to spend their time in a massive ocean literally made up of countless billions of Founders, something which is referred to as the Great Link. According to the Founders, this allows them to share information with each other and come to peaceful decisions. This is rapidly proved to be bullshit; when a separated-at-birth one of their own merged into the Great Link to share his memories of the Federation as peaceful and tolerant space hippies, not only did the Founders ignore his memories, but actively fucked with his mind in an attempt to turn him into a sleeper agent. And even if it weren't, it shows their hypocrisy through their willingness to share freedom and liberty among themselves while depriving all their various slaves and conquered peoples of the same.<br />
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The Founders are massive dicks, even to their own people. Failure among Jem'Hadar is rewarded with slow and painful death from deprivation of the drug they're created to need and their lifespans are incredibly short. To be even bigger dicks, the Vorta have no sense of taste and can't appreciate beauty. Not to make them better diplomats, but because they were raised from a primitive stone-age ape tribe, and the Founders think they shouldn't be ever allowed to forget that. (On the plus side, they did give the Vorta an immunity to poison that would make [[Mortarion]] himself jealous. [https://youtbe.com/rACCZaBcq1g?t=1m29s Observe.]) This may also stem from their own neuroses: the Founders themselves have almost no bodily needs at all and require no nourishment, so they design their slaves to be like them. Notably, Vorta tend to come in [[Paranoia|packs of clones; a new one is activated when an old one dies, and they retain some memories and personality between "lives,"]] further hammering home how expendable they are to their makers.<br />
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They ultimately get what's coming to them in the latter half of ''Deep Space Nine'', through an invasion of the Alpha Quadrant that starts out in their favor and rapidly goes against them. <br />
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'''Species 8472 / Undine'''<br />
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The one and only race in the galaxy even the Borg don't want to fuck with. Introduced in Voyager, Species 8472 are three-legged creatures that live in a space called Fluid Space. It's similar to the [[Eye of Terror]] for the fact that it connects to an alternate dimension and [[Khorne|everyone will be ripped apart upon entering.]]<br />
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When the Borg first came around to try and assimilate them they were completely obliterated in a war in which 4 million Borg were killed in the first few days at the cost of almost no members of Species 8472. This war was such a roflstomp that the Borg were forced to call on the Federation for help. [[Tau|The Federation being the better people swallowed their pride and decided to help their sworn enemies,]] [[Eldrad|but were dicks and sent only one ship.]]<br />
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Species 8472 fought with fast moving, small ships and devastating beam weapons so the small ship of the Federation could keep up with them and helped the Borg force the species back into Fluid Space. The Federation were the villains on this one. That said, they eventually came to an accord with Species 8472, preventing further wars between the denizens of Fluid Space, except in lots and lots of video games that want to use a fresh antagonist.<br />
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That and that in ''Star Trek Online'', [[Awesome|they look like the fucking Predator.]]<br />
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'''The Q'''<br />
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The Q are a race of beings who have elevated themselves to the point where they are basically gods. Most of them do not interact directly with the younger races, who they tend to consider with disdain- if they consider them at all. However a few of them take a more enlightened view, and one in particular has been known to fuck with individual humans from time time. They are mostly a TNG thing, and even there they work mostly by grace of John de Lancie's acting chops as a counterpoint to the charisma of Patrick Stewart, as de Lancie played the ''character'' Q. "Tapestry" even has the two waking up in bed together as a troll from Q. Due entirely to de Lancie's performance, they managed not only to have it not be cringy, but rather funny.<br />
<br />
Q is an all-powerful epic troll. TNG's Q's occasionally [[Tzeentch]]ian games sometimes appeared to be for his own amusement and sometimes acted as education or event protection to the human race. Various subplots involving the Q ''species'' range from somewhat thought provoking to mildly entertaining to ridiculous and banal, but the classic episodes that highlighted the charisma and chemistry of the two actors were often quite excellent. De Lancie also appeared as Q in DS9 and Voyager a couple of times, but the chemistry just isn't there without Stewart. The writers knew it too, composing a scene where Avery Brooks punches this bastard in the face telling him "I'm not Picard!" (with the added fanservice of watching Q get punched, high on the wishlist of anyone that had the misfortune to meet him).<br />
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<br />
=== The Mirror Universe ===<br />
The Mirror Universe is a parallel universe in which [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|things have gone differently]] in Earth's history, leading to things becoming less hippy and more [[awesome]]. The main point of divergence appears to occur when the Vulcan scientists who landed at Bozeman, Montana in 2063 are not welcomed with alcohol and music but instead are killed and have their ship looted, though some sources have hinted at earlier differences. Instead of a peace loving Federation searching for knowledge and friendly cooperation for the betterment of all, the ''Terran Empire'' seeks out new life and civilizations to conquer and enslave, as it had done with the Klingons. Pretty much it's the PG-13 version of the Imperium of Man with a bit more Grimderp. Junior officers get promoted by killing their superiors, those who fail at that get thrown in the agony booth for their troubles and the Emperor gets the job by usurping the previous incumbent. As a rule, characters in the mainline become, in the Mirror Universe, a selfish asshole version of themselves or have to go along to get along; examples of the latter include O'Brien and Spock. Following comic book logic the uniforms for the female characters are more revealing, and facial hair is vogue. Occasionally people can cross over from one universe to the next due to technobabble and cause mischief in either realm.<br />
<br />
Originally it was a one off TOS setting for an episode of the week, but it was brought back in a few novels and some romps in Deep Space Nine in which [[Fail|the Terran Empire had fallen]]. In Enterprise's fourth season it got a two parter that was pretty good and would have been an annual thing if the show had been renewed, this one having little crossover with the main universe (a ship from TOS ended up in the Mirror Universe and is salvaged after all it's crew have died). We also went there in Discovery, for better or worse. Voyager never did the mirror universe, but instead got a homage episode with some alien historians in the far future getting the details wrong like historians tend to.<br />
<br />
=== The Star Trek Crew ===<br />
Whether the focus of the show is exploration, manning a space station in an important locale or trying to get home, all Star Trek series have a basic set up of casting and focus: namely on a collection of people who are usually the senior-most officers on the ship. If you decide to make a Star Trek inspired game take this into consideration.<br />
<br />
* '''The Captain''': Big cheese. Makes the hard decisions. Needs to be able to talk, think or fight out of situations as needed. The third option fetishist finding the balance between empathy and reason. (Two least skubby examples: Kirk and Picard, but the skub will fly hard if you say one is better than the other as they are both awesome for different reasons)<br />
* '''The First Officer''': Second in command and trusted advisor. Added after the original series, where the role was combined with and split between two others. (Two least skubby examples: Riker and Kira)<br />
* '''The Science Officer''': Got high Int stats. Can analyze the situation and work out solutions. The voice of reason. Almost never human. (Two least skubby examples: Data and Spock)<br />
* '''The Engineer''': Hard working technically minded guy who [[/tg/ gets shit done|gets shit done]]. Often a fan favorite, being the biggest or second biggest nerd on the ship. (Two least skubby examples: Scotty and Geordi)<br />
* '''The Doctor''': Ship's healer with a secondary scientific role. The voice of empathy, whether prickly or serene. (Two least skubby examples: Bones and the EMH Doctor)<br />
* '''The Security Officer''': Rough and tumble no-nonsense sort whose job it is to keep these guys alive when diplomacy fails, which it often does. Often has to juggle providing ship's security with working the tactical station on the bridge in a crisis. (Two least skubby examples: Worf and Odo)<br />
* '''The Helmsman''': Got mad spacecraft piloting skills, either full-sized starships, shuttles, or fighters. Younger and more brash. (Two least skubby examples: Sulu and Tom Paris)<br />
* '''The Other Guy''': A crewmember whose role doesn't cleanly map onto other positions, often restricted to a single show. Example positions include communications officer, ship's counselor, transporter chief, and linguist. (Two Least skubby examples: Uhura and Troi)<br />
* '''The Outsider''': Someone who is a passenger and regular cast member, but exists outside the organization, looking in and commenting. Usually works a side-job, like tailor, bartender, or cook. Either a beloved fan-favorite or utterly despised, there is no middle ground. (Two Least skubby examples: Guinan and Quark)<br />
<br />
Some of these hats may be worn by more than one character, some may be worn by no one at all. This is especially true in the original series, which had a smaller cast overall, and which put less emphasis on an ensemble and more on the main trio of Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. The usual roles and character dynamics were instead set down by ''The Next Generation'', which later series generally copied.<br />
<br />
= The Shows =<br />
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==''The Original Series''==<br />
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[[File:OG enterprise.jpg|thumb|400px|Right|Do do do...]]<br />
Created in 1966 by legendary sci-fi [[spiritual liege]] and degenerate lounge lizard Gene Roddenberry and pitched as a "Wagon Train to the stars", it's a pulpy adventure sci-fi, full of fistfights, sword fights, and hammy speeches. (The guns never work.)<br />
<br />
The USS ''Enterprise'' is tasked by the Federation to go on a five year mission to explore space: the final frontier, to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations and boldly go where no man has gone before, though due to budget constraints, her crew often finds that man has in fact gone there before. Or at least something that looks exactly like a man but is actually an [[Xenos|alien]]; most episodes split the difference. James T. Kirk sleeps with [[Hot Chicks|hot alien babes]] who either die tragically or leave tearfully at the end of the episode, but it's 'k because he's too in love with the Enterprise to ever love a mere ''woman'' more. Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy are cold and logical and rash and emotional respectively, and their constant friction must be resulting in the best make-up sex in the world. Mr. Sulu and Lieutenant Uhura wait in vain for focus episodes that never come, Ensign Chekhov suffers horribly to the approval of American Cold War audiences, and Scotty [[gets shit done]]. Uniforms, while iconic, tend to look a bit civilian though. Miniskirts are apparently mandated attire for the ship's fan-servicey female "yeomen" and others, because this was 1966. The civilian nature of the attire (including, one must assume, the miniskirts, but they had a visual appeal all their own) were apparently an intentional design decision by Roddenberry who didn't want uniforms to look military. Further specialness on the part of Roddenberry demanded phasers not look like guns ([[FAIL|not even have trigger-guards even though those exist for safety reasons]]), instead looking vaguely like the TV remotes in their infancy at the time, and (probably the only sensible decision in this category) ships that didn't look like rockets, giving ships their distinctive and iconic saucer-engineering-nacelles look that still stands out today.<br />
<br />
The Original Series frequently ran out of budget and entire episodes were filmed using spare costumes belonging to the production company, resulting in a series of extremely goofy excuses to go to planets full of gangsters or [[Nazi]]s. This is often copied by shows who don't realize it was done out of pure expediency, and nowadays it's is practically a box to check off when doing sci-fi adventure. The lack of budget also resulted in one of the more memorable inventions; unable to budget for a sequence showing the ''Enterprise'' or a shuttle landing on a new planet every week, the writers instead decided to invent the transporter to "beam" the crew down to planets or between starships. Also worth noting: despite its mediocre critical reception, ratings and eventual cancellation, not to forget the uneven quality of many episodes, ''TOS'' had a hell of a cultural impact thanks to syndication and it has been said that since it entered syndication in 1969, there hasn't been a 24-hour period without some TV station, in some country, playing Star Trek. Cancellation of The Original Series is now considered one of the worst decisions in TV history, and while much of its silly 60's campiness is now laughable, it often still manages to teach relevant and important lessons today.<br />
<br />
Fun fact: the ''Enterprise'' and each of her 11 sister ships have enough firepower to [[Exterminatus]] a planet by themselves, after getting issued an order called General Order 24. This however is likely a time-consuming task. According to a later DS9 episode, it takes a fleet of 20 warships 1 hour of sustained bombardment to destroy a planets crust and 5 hours of sustained bombardment to destroy a planet down to its mantle. These 20 ships were also in service 100 years after the Enterprise so they were also more powerful. <br />
Kirk has the distinction of being the only known captain to issue a [[Exterminatus|General Order 24]], because a planet was ''too'' much into wargames (he changed his mind after they dropped wargaming).<br />
<br />
* '''Outstanding Episodes''': Balance of Terror (submarine battle in space, debut of the Romulans), The Devil in the Dark (sometimes hostile aliens have a good reason for being hostile), Space Seed (Khan's first appearance), The City on the Edge of Forever (beautiful tragedy), Amok Time (Spock's in heat and he and Kirk have to fight to the death), "The Doomsday Machine" (''Enterprise'' vs. an unstoppable planet killer and the captain whose ship it destroyed), "Spock's Brain" (not good by any stretch but mandatory viewing as the emblem of the third season's badness)<br />
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<br />
==''The Animated Series''==<br />
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The often forgotten middle child. More or less "seasons 4-5" of ''TOS'' with the same writing staff and actors, sans poor Walter Koenig. He was replaced by a weird camel person. He learned this at a convention, from a fan, while he was trying to announce he'd be writing an episode, which Gene promptly demanded he rewrite over and over. Classy. <br />
<br />
Being animated allowed the staff to get a lot more creative with the alien designs and plots, and the writing and acting remain... well, top notch is a stretch, but certainly at the same levels as ''The Original Series'', with the occasional low point. Not ''nearly'' as bad as you're probably picturing from the name, although still limited by the low budget and primitive animation techniques of the television era it was aired in. Notably some sci-fi novelists were brought in to write some episodes, such as Larry Niven, though in that case he just recycled a Known Space story and incidentally gave ADB the rights to use the Kzinti years later through a loophole. At least one episode, "Yesteryear," is considered such a pivotal moment in Spock's development that even people who hate the series enough to consider it all non-canon often make an exception just for that one.<br />
<br />
Also, since the series now has no excuse for throwing in lots of Space Puritans and Space Wizards, it of course continued to do so to derptastic results, because by this point it had become traditional. The presence of a straight-up [[furry]] on the bridge, however, is downright unacceptable.<br />
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<br />
==''The Next Generation''==<br />
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[[File:Enterpris D.jpg|thumb|400px|left|USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D: battleship, scientific research center and luxury hotel rolled into one]]<br />
Here's where it starts getting a little deeper and a little darker, although after 20 years of the slippery slope the leftist subtext is often cranked to the point where it just becomes text. The USS ''Enterprise-D'' is, like its predecessor, tasked with going where no-one has gone before, but this time around the problems are less likely to be solved in a single episode. Jean-Luc Picard is the captain and he plots and negotiates his way to victory; Mr. Data is cold and unemotional, though not by choice - as an android, he'd very much like to change that; Riker takes over the captain's "sleep with alien babes" duties since Picard is married to the job; Worf the Klingon gets beaten up by monsters to show how tough the monsters are, meaning that Worf winds up looking incredibly weak by the end of the show's run; Dr. Beverly Crusher is good old Bones minus his temper; Dr. Pulaski is Bones ''plus'' temper; Counselor Troi is so badly written she becomes a running joke; and Geordi LaForge [[gets shit done]]. Only two things need to be said about helmsman Wesley Crusher: he was [[Mary Sue|Gene Wesley Roddenberry's shitty self-insert fanfic character]], and his actor Wil Wheaton got a second chance at show business simply from agreeing with fans that his character was awful.<br />
<br />
Due to the massive success of The Original Series in syndication (and Paramount being [[Rage|pissed off]] by broadcast networks treating their most valuable IP like any other show), TNG was aired through syndication from the beginning. Although the first two seasons were laughably bad, the quality began to improve dramatically after <s>Riker grew a beard</s> an increasingly cocaine-addled Gene Roddenberry got too sick to keep ruining it and his partner-in-crime Maurice Hurley was thrown out on his ass. The later seasons are widely considered to represent the apex of the franchise's episodic formula on the small screen (although ''DS9'' gave it a run for its money with a more serialized approach); sadly, this series only got one good movie.<br />
<br />
The Next Generation started and ended on one of its skubbier elements, that being Q, an omnipotent trans dimensional alien that starts testing Picard in the first episode and is finally persuaded to go away in the last. The entire multi-season run of the show is set up with the subtext that the Q are judging whether humanity is worthy of its implied lofty destiny. What should have been a stifling deus ex machina was carried entirely by the performance of Q's actor; the dialogs between Picard and Q were some of the show's most entertaining, even as the Q episodes tended to be the obligatory season silly story.<br />
<br />
*'''Outstanding Episodes''': "The Measure of a Man" (is Data property or not?), "Q Who?" (introduction of the Borg, Q at his dickish best), "The Best of Both Worlds" (epic Borg 2-parter with plenty of action and drama), "Family" (companion piece to Best of Both Worlds, Picard has to deal with the trauma of being assimilated), "Darmok" (Picard learns to communicate with an alien captain on far-away planet, all of TNG's strengths), "The Inner Light" (I am not crying, you are crying), "Sarek" (excellent Picard and Sarek character piece)<br />
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==''Deep Space Nine''==<br />
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[[File:Deep Space 9.jpg|thumb|500px|right|''"A Star Trek show where they stay put? It'll never work."'' Boy did they get that wrong.]]<br />
Unlike all the other series so far, ''Deep Space Nine'' primarily takes place in a fixed location - the titular space station Deep Space Nine, out near the borders of Federation Space. Said space station is near Bajor, which was recently freed from Cardassian occupation, and a wormhole to the other side of the galaxy which allows [[Warp|all sorts of of crazy shit to go down]]. If the other shows are a wagon train, this one's the border fort.<br />
<br />
Benjamin "The" Sisko is the captain, declared Emissary by the nearby Bajorans for making contact with the wormhole aliens they worship, and he successfully hybridizes the blow-the-shit-out-of-whatever-you-can't-punch Kirk approach with the talk-in-a-very-dignified-way-about-the-philosophy-of-the-thing-and-win-by-rhetoric Picard maneuver, in his ultimately-successful quest to become the baddest motherfucker in space, then literally becomes a space god. Kira the Bajoran ex-<s>terrorist</s> <S>''noble freedom fighter''</s> (who are we kidding she calls herself a terrorist) struggles to free and rebuild her people while coming to terms with the moral ambiguities of situations she prefers to see in black-and-white, Dr. Bashir works to find his character for several seasons before becoming a highlight, Dax gets often written poorly and has to switch bodies doing it, Odo IS ''Liquid Space Cop'', Quark runs his bar and [[troll|heckles]] the Federation from the sidelines, Garak pretends to be a tailor while definitely not being a super-spy, hitting on Bashir, and dropping killer lines, and Miles O'Brien [[gets shit done]] despite being physically, mentally, and/or emotionally tortured in at least one episode a season (referred to by the writers as the "O'Brien Must Suffer" episodes). Also Worf wanders in halfway through, and actually gets to punch things instead of getting punched by them, up to and including offing the Klingon chancellor in an honor duel. It's also a lot more political than other series (though ''TNG'' and ''Voyager'' have their moments) and the last series to have Gene Roddenberry's involvement (with less enthusiasm, in fact often much to the benefit of this particular series thematically.)<br />
<br />
It's the closest the pre-Kelvin series ever get to [[grimdark]]. Especially when the Dominion show up. The show has aged remarkably well and the terrorist/freedom fighter debate was repeatedly explored in a very mature and honest way; the darkest episodes ventured into duping the Romulans into a war by assassinating a senator, and forcing a Klingon regime change [[rip and tear|''the Klingon way'']]. ''DS9'' is the most serialized of all Trek shows and could be considered a forerunner to the golden age of television with its long story arcs and deep character development. It's also notable for singlehandedly salvaging the Ferengi after the mess Gene made of them in the early seasons of TNG and bringing back the mirror universe after nearly thirty years with an ongoing plot showing the consequences of Kirk's meddling. Overall, ''DS9'' has to be considered the most consistently good Trek show thanks to the excellent writing and fantastic performances from a truly wonderful ensemble cast. At least until the final season . . .<br />
<br />
Which brings us to DS9 Skub. The show was airing around the same time as another thematically similar sci-fi show, ''[[Babylon 5]]''. Not only that but characters also shared similarities, as did the episodes especially as both shows became war stories later on. Interestingly, beginning of both series, introduction of characters and airing of similar episodes were often too close to each other for one show to copy the other but this did not stop massive [[Rage]] and [[/v/|fanboy wars]] from starting between fans of the two series accusing one another of plagiarism and having an inferior product. Happily, as time went on and both shows evolved, these hurt feelings have mostly faded.<br />
<br />
There's also that last season. The earlier (good) writers had got pulled to try to make movies, which they'd failed at. The new writers also had to bring in a new Dax due to showrunner Rick Berman constantly being a sexist asshole to actress Terry Farrell. This new Dax, Ezri, was very different from Jadzia, and she only got that one season to make her mark, which season she had to share with the Great Epic Conclusion (it's a miracle Ezri was as well received as she was, and a testament to Nicole de Boer's talent). Those finale episodes were mostly okay and tied up the story semi-satisfyingly, though a few die-hard subplots fell flat.<br />
<br />
How good is ''Deep Space Nine''? Every subsequent Star Trek series and even the reboot movies have pretty much ripped off ideas and concepts established during the series. Famously, within the "Trekker/Trekkie" fan community, there's a little cell of fans who like it better than most other ''Star Trek''; these fans are typically called "Niners."<br />
* '''Outstanding Episodes''': "Duet" and "Waltz" (excellent character work elevates low-budget episodes), "Trials and Tribble-ations" (30th anniversary comedy episode that sends the DS9 crew back to the TOS era to stop a rogue Klingon assassinating Kirk), "In the Pale Moonlight" ("how far would you push your principles to save the world?" done very well), "It's Only a Paper Moon" (Nog has PTSD after losing a leg in battle), "The Circle" (the only Star Trek trilogy episode and as close as DS9 will ever get to a movie), "Valiant" (A Defiant full of asshole cadets gets blasted into smithereens for their own hubris), "Empok Nor" (Garak goes feral and brutalizes a lot of people).<br />
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==''Voyager''==<br />
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[[File:USS Voyager.jpg|thumb|400px|left|''"Are we home yet?"'' <br />
"No."<br />
''"Are we home yet?"''<br />
"No."<br />
''"Are we home yet?"''<br />
"Tuvok, please give Ensign Kim a dose of the Medical Phaser.]]<br />
Star Trek: Voyager centers around the eponymous USS ''Voyager'', a smallish ship which gets teleported over to the other side of the galaxy. The plot of the series centers on the crew's efforts to get back home, which COULD have made for an excellent premise. Unfortunately, there were few lasting story arcs, with most episodes being fully self-contained (as well as being littered with far too many episodes featuring holodeck or transporter incidents). As a consequence, despite being completely isolated from the Federation, no matter how bad things got Voyager always appeared in the next episode without a scratch, fully supplied, and with all its shuttlecraft intact. Think ''Gilligan's Island'' on a starship.<br />
<br />
Like ''TNG'' and ''DS9'' it's a character-driven drama just as often as it is a sci-fi adventure romp, although compared to TNG only a few of the characters are particularly memorable. The captain and arguable "main character" is Kathryn Janeway, a Katharine Hepburn lookalike (I see what you did there) who is stern without being cold, and principled without being inflexible. The fan favorite is a character called "The Doctor" ([[Doctor Who|No relation]]); he's the solid-light hologram representative of the ship's emergency medical computer, who has to take on actual medical duties when their chief medical officer was conveniently killed in the pilot episode. Other than this, Chakotay is a peace-loving and spiritually rich indian <s>freedom fighter</s> <s>terrorist</s> [[FAIL|who was written with the help of a special Cherokee consultant so native his name was Jamake Highwater and it turned out later on that he was actually Jewish and didn't know dick about native cultures so he made everything up resulting in Chakotay basically being a borderline racist caricature of what you think Indians are like. Akoochimoya.]] Tom Paris is an annoying jerk and is counterbalanced by Harry Kim who is the ideal boy-scout, making him only half as annoying and twice as boring. B'elanna Torres tries to perpetuate a lineage of dudes getting shit done but ends up blankly reciting her technobabble, having second degree plasma burns and – worst of all – systematically fails to get shit done whenever the warp core goes nuts. Tuvok tries hard to be as cool as Spock but ends up being a lame version of the n°1 Vulcan who uses logic to justify everything and makes it short for "you are wrong, I am right because I said so." Kes is passed as a fragile and nice character but it takes a couple of episodes to realize that having a short lifespan does not change the facts: [[powergamer|when you can boil someone to death from the inside of their body, drain life from everything around you to become stronger and do anything you want without knowing how, just by thinking of it]], you are a goddamn Mary Sue. From the fourth season onwards the only character the writers seemed to care about was Seven of Nine, [[Mary Sue|a human woman who recently escaped from Borg control and kept all of her cyborg enhancements but regained her free will]]; another Mary Sue, to be sure, but she's [[Hot Chicks|hot]], and the other characters are much worse, so that's not really a bad thing. Fortunately, The Doctor still received a lot of attention from the writers and almost single-handedly made the show watchable. There was also Neelix, who was the apparent inspiration for Jar-Jar Binks, and any sane crew would have pushed him out of an airlock on the first episode. Fans who stuck with the show despite its glaring failings were given one final slap in the face with the <s>controversial</s> shit final season, in which the producers decided "screw steadily crafting a satisfying conclusion to a story which we have wasted for most of the last seven years anyway; lets just ignore it until the final episode and then throw in some shit about trans-warp conduits and time travel, bitches love time travel!" If you did not care about any of the characters or the subplots or time travel making sense (the writers sure didn't), then the final episode was made just for you (and the Borg got a major setback, too, just don't think about the setup too hard).<br />
<br />
The Doctor never once stopped being totally fucking awesome though (enough so to even earn a cameo in First Contact and for Robert Picardo to turn up as his inventor in an episode of DS9), Jeri Ryan proved she wasn't just eye candy, and the (mostly) great acting from the rest of the cast carries the series from being horrific to ''occasionally'' watchable. Just goes to show that no matter how good your actors are, they can't make diamonds out of shit.<br />
<br />
Overall, most Star Trek fans view Voyager's legacy with a shrug and a "meh." Unfortunately, hopes that Voyager's successor would revitalize the franchise would soon prove to be overly optimistic.<br />
<br />
* '''Outstanding Episodes''': "Timeless" (excellent time-travel episode), "Year of Hell" (absolutely savage two-parter that trashes ''Voyager'' in service to a story of obsession and why you don't fuck with the timeline), "Tuvix" (one of the all-time skubbiest episodes of any ST show, deals with the complicated ethics of what happens when two people are fused into a new individual by a transporter accident), "Bride of Chaotica!" (aliens get trapped in Tom Paris' 1940s pulp holodeck program, Janeway has to become one of the characters to sort it out, good comedy episode), "Someone to Watch Over Me" (the Doctor falls in love with Seven but can't admit it), "Equinox" (''Voyager'' encounters another castaway Starfleet ship that's tossed Federation law and ethics into the bin to survive and Janeway gets ''really'' pissy about it)<br />
* '''Episodes to Avoid''': "Threshold" (Tom Paris and Janeway turn into [[salamander]]s and have salamander babies; so terrible that rumors persist it was declared non-canonical to this day), "Fair Haven" and "Spirit Folk" (holodeck malfunction episodes full of more cringe Oirish stereotypes and Janeway wanting to bang a hologram), "Alice" (Stephen King's ''Christine'' IN SPAAACE!)<br />
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==''Enterprise''==<br />
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[[File:NX-01.jpg|thumb|400px|right|Where it all began. For better or worse...]]<br />
From the minute the Nickelback-tier theme tune started, Enterprise attempted to take Star Trek in a new direction and was only partially successful in doing so. The series never quite caught its footing, although it still managed to have some enjoyable moments. It was most notable for providing a first-hand view of the key events that directly led to the formation of the Federation. The Federation's founding races were also featured heavily, with Andorians, Tellarites, and Vulcans all enjoying significant screen time alongside the human characters.<br />
<br />
It's a prequel to the rest of the canon, taking place on the first ''Enterprise'', before the Federation was founded and during the period when Earth was still an independent power- so there's a lot of primitive versions of things from other series. At least the uniforms were pretty cool in an Air Force sort of way. Captained by <s>that guy from ''Quantum Leap''</s> Jonathan Archer, in hindsight the fact that they had to rename him from their original choice of Jeffrey Archer to avoid confusion with the disgraced British MP and author of the same name probably cursed the series with bad karma before it had even begun shooting. In an unusual twist for a ''Trek'' series, his first officer isn't a <s>terrorist</s> ''noble freedom fighter,'' however she does share a trait with her ''Voyager'' predecessor in that the actress who portrayed her frequently criticized the show's writers in interviews. Other than that, well, Hoshi Sato screams a lot, Travis Mayweather was so dull that even the writers forgot he existed, the resident Vulcan T'Pol serves as both the Science Officer and source of sexy fanservice, Malcolm Reed has an accent, Dr Phlox is a weird creepy alien with weird creepy alien morals (and gets surprisingly interesting when given enough screentime, which hardly ever happened), and Trip also has an accent and [[gets shit done]].<br />
<br />
One thing that makes the show and cast so frustrating is that you get glimpses of interesting things that could be explored but just aren't in favor of rejected TNG concepts. A weapon' officer still having somewhat free range as there are not federation guidelines? Not really, Malcolm is just here to give a second opinion and be Tripp's wingman. A linguist and sociologist without much of a clue as to what everyone will encounter in space in an age before rules of engagement and diplomatic norms are established? Not really, Hoshi just screams a lot to let you know something dangerous or scary is nearby. The struggle between a potentially more profitable civilian life and an assignment as a glorified military grunt before Starfleet is the institution we all know it would become? Who cares, the writers all forgot Travis is even in the show most of the time. All these questions are somewhat hinted at in some episodes when they really could have been defining character arcs for the cast but instead we got vulcan romance getting most of the screentime when the Xindi plot wasn't happening. Oh well.<br />
<br />
Was retooled twice, the third season tries to be ''24'' IN SPACE (stop some aliens, the Xindi, from blowing up Earth) while the 4th season is a massive apology about the last three seasons that tries to fix all the problems they had. As a result, the last season is the only one that's close to being really good.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, the poorly-received final episode is set on the holodeck of the Enterprise-D, which leaves us with the firm impression that the producers would have much rather have just continued making ''The Next Generation''. Considering the mediocre quality of the ''TNG'' movies we got instead, this probably would have worked out better for all involved (Or not since ''Voyager'' was that; its first episode was even numbered 901, as in Season 9 Episode 1).<br />
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Yet despite all the bad directing, subpar plots, and frankly boring episodes, ''Enterprise'' sometimes still manages to be moderately enjoyable with occasional moments of awesomeness if you can suffer through a fair few awful spots and aggressive mediocrity almost everywhere else. The focus on founding Federation races like the Andorans was refreshing and the technology level, being somewhere between the original series and the real world present-day, was quite interesting. We also got to see the Vulcans portrayed as arrogant, superior dicks. This actually makes a lot more sense than the way they're usually portrayed (which is fairly submissive towards humans) because they are, obviously and objectively, the superior race. The Klingons certainly still considered themselves to be honorable but the show made it clear that the Klingon notion of honor is rarely analogous to the human concept which was interesting as all hell to watch. There have been a few small nods to Enterprise in Discovery and the Abrams movies.<br />
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And let's be fucking honest, [[/tg/]] loves 40k and the Xindi arc was about as grimdark as shit gets. And that was awesome.<br />
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*'''Outstanding Episodes''': "Damage" (Enterprise is nearly destroyed and can barely function), "Zero Hour" (End of Season 3, good action and good payoff), "Regeneration" (Borg episode, silly but well executed), "Babel One", "United" and "The Aenar" (three episode arc involving the Romulan scheme to engineer war, a glimpse of what might have been).<br />
*'''Episodes to Avoid''': "Dear Doctor" (boring prime directive extremism), "These are the Voyages" (Trip dies in a rush-job ending, last minute or so is alright as a visual send-off divorced from crap narrative).<br />
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==STD aka ''Disco'' aka ''Discovery''==<br />
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[[File:USS Discovery.jpg|thumb|400px|left|Disco Stu's coming for you!]]<br />
<s>A LOAD OF SOCIAL JUSTICE SHIT!</s> Ahem, let's start again, shall we?<br />
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A new "prequel" series set 10 years before ''The Original Series.'' Again. Run exclusively on CBS' paid streaming service (unless you live outside the US and Canada, in which case you can get it on Netflix) to try and drum up sign-ups and revenue, it features a mix of ''Enterprise'' and Abramstrek aesthetics despite supposedly taking place in parallel to the TOS "The Cage" pilot while [[what|having technology superior to late DS9]] and introducing [[dune|mushroom-based space travel]] that would imply [[retcon|all later events and warp travel would be outdated]]. The trailer has attracted a lot of concern over the fact that Klingons have been completely redesigned to look like slit-nosed ogres wearing ancient Egyptian cosplay, and rumors that the Klingons shown were [[Racial Holy War|primitives who had been trapped in stasis]] proved to be unfounded, so there is no excuse. Not having a cold war to posture about, the new villains are based off of Trump-inspired xenophobia by the admission of the authors. Also the lead character is Spock's human sister that he never mentioned before, aka the ''exact'' origin of the [[Mary Sue]] which is just fucking depressing. To further reinforce this, there are ''numerous'' examples of dialogue and exposition that serve only to show how the Mary Sue main character was right all along, usually in conjunction with the death of the character that had foolishly disagreed with her. Want a new Star Trek episode about racism and immigration? Try the now-banned [https://youtube.com/3VEZH8bqytA Star Trek Continues]. Want Star Trek with humor, we suppose: ''Star Trek: Lower Decks'', below. Oh! want a pseudo-Star Trek show about other modern issues? Try ''[[The Orville]]''. That's right, American Dad In Space <strike>may right now be</strike> is a better Star Trek than an actual Star Trek series.<br />
<br />
Initial reviews have been... well, never mind the 2017-era soy-guzzling critics. STD is as much fun as an outbreak of Nurgle's Rot. Mostly. There ''are'' exceptions.<br />
<br />
The writing is overly convoluted, the massive injection of grimdark into pre-TOS continuity is anathema to the hardcore fans (the ''human'' characters are often the ones doing the nastiest shit, including [[Marines Malevolent|trying to kill a Klingon party by planting an explosive on the corpse of one of their comrades for when they came to collect the dead]]) and the Klingons are so flat and devoid of characterization that they might as well be Larry the Cable Guy lookalikes wearing Trump hats. This is a massive disappointment for a series that promised to put a spotlight on Klingon culture but ended up retconning all the characterization that happened in TNG and DS9. It ''may'' get better with time (remember that it took two seasons for TNG to get really good) but given the release schedule (split between 2017 and 2018 with a long break) it may come too late for the fanbase to care. Currently it's cause for more fans to lose their shit over whether it's better or worse than the Abrams movies, which is a new record of [[Skub|Trek Skub]]. Releasing the show on CBS All Access instead of cable or broadcast TV makes it seem that executives don't really give a shit if the show succeeds or fails, bringing up the question of [[Bioware|whether they're deliberately putting Star Trek: Discovery in a no-win scenario where, no matter what happens, the executives have an excuse to cancel Star Trek altogether]]. <br />
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Another stupid decision was not shelling out the cash to bring back Bruce Greenwood and Zachary Quinto as Captain Pike and Spock, respectively. Their ages wouldn't have mattered either if CBS and Paramount weren't too cheap to use the anti-aging CGI tech that is so commonplace these days. Hell, Star Trek makeup artists are among the best in the entertainment business. So they could have pulled it off with applying the bare minimum, and we probably still wouldn't have noticed.<br />
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There were also allegations that large chunks of the plot were stolen from previews of an in-development indie game. The unreleased 2014 game featured giant Tardigrades that had the ability to use an interstellar network to travel anywhere they wanted to- sound familiar?<br />
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We must however give credit where credit is due. Season 1's fifth episode "Choose Your Pain" starred Rainn Wilson as a younger Harcourt Fenton Mudd, and this was a surprising treat. Season 2 also featured Anson Mount as Captain Pike, whose addition to the cast was nothing short of a revelation. Indeed, Pike's character was by far the most well-received aspect of that season.<br />
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Unfortunately, while Season 2 had some watchable moments, it was still middling at best, and nobody is ''ever'' going to let this series live down the garbage fire that was Season 1. If you do decide to watch Season 2, try not to think about it too hard once you are done. It gets worse and worse the more you think about it as you can and will come to realize that {{spoiler|the overarching plot hinges on time-travel but because the writing and production staff kept being shuffled, no one kept continuity so some of the hints of future actions or "red lights" are just forgotten about, some time-travel is done just to set up another event to make it possible for that same time-travel to happen. Think Bill and Ted, except lame and very confusing. Season 2 is an okay show if you look at the state-of-the-art visuals, let the big emotional moments grip you, but if you stop for a second and think about the continuity of events, you push yourself on a slippery slope that ends in not being able to ever trust the showrunning staff again.}}<br />
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Season 3 sees ''Discovery'' transported far into the future, one in which the Federation itself has fallen apart due to the mysterious disappearance of the dilithium required for warp travel. What was the issue with the dilithium? A member of the same species as the character Saru was on a planet with a lot of dilithium and had a freakout so bad it somehow psychically fucked up all dilithium everywhere at roughly the same time. Oh, and apparently turbolifts now fly around in a pocket dimension or some stupid shit.<br />
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Season 4 can basically be summed up as "Hyper-advanced extragalactic gasbags make a mess of things because they're [[Derp|too stupid to comprehend the concept of self as they're a hive mind]]".<br />
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Oh thank the God Emperor it's almost over! After four seasons of shit, season five is finally going to kill it! Oh Throne, thank you!<br />
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==''<strike>Retard</strike>Picard''==<br />
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Set to be a continuation of the original timeline, featuring old man Picard with Patrick Stewart reprising the role. Hopes are not high, but at the very least Patrick Stewart's presence should make it watchable if nothing else. <br />
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Update: Season 3 is the only part maybe worth watching.<br />
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In the first season, Picard ragequit Starfleet after they sat back and let the Romulans get blown up by the supernova mentioned in the first Abrams movie. This happened because some rogue androids orbitally bombarded Mars and blew up the rescue fleet that was being built there, so the Federation has banned all R&D on synthetic lifeforms and subsequently become [[Imperium of Man|isolationist, racist and xenophobic]] (does this remind you of anything?). Picard has been living in his family chateau ever since, making wine and hanging out with his dog and his Romulan housekeepers. Then a scared girl named Dahj turns up on his doorstep, and it turns out she's a highly advanced biological android constructed from the surviving bits of Data's positronic brain by the guy who wanted to dismantle Data in that episode "The Measure of a Man." Before Picard can really figure out what to do about her, she gets killed by a secret society of Luddite anti-android Romulan assholes, but it turns it that's okay because she has a twin "sister" named Soji who is working with some other Romulans on a derelict Borg cube. Picard decides it's time to saddle up and go be a hero again. He starts putting together a crew that includes Agnes Jurati, a former cyberneticist; Raffi Musiker, his last executive officer, [[What|who is now an alcoholic drug-vaping hermit]] after getting kicked out of Starfleet; Cristobal Rios, a scruffy merc pilot whose ship is staffed entirely by holograms of himself; Elnor, a Romulan warrior monk raised by Romulan warrior nuns; and Seven of Nine, who has become a kickass pilot and is no longer wearing her infamous catsuit. Together, they're out to save Soji, stop the Romulans, and be the good guys in a galaxy that needs heroes, etc etc.<br />
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Key storytelling criticisms of the show include the idea that the Romulan Empire should have had enough infrastructure to effect an evacuation without help, and that even if they didn't, the Federation would ''never'' abandon a neighbor who was asking for help- not even a former enemy, and not even when doing so became difficult or inconvenient. Another issue comes up when the show reveals that the Borg have assimilated transgalactic teleporters from a throwaway alien race that appeared in an early episode of ''Voyager'', but only for the Borg queen to use in case the cube she's on is about to be blown up, which begs the question of ''why in the hell aren't they using them to overwhelm the Federation's defenses with drone spam and assimilate everything??'' There's also an (abortive) space battle in the final episode where Riker shows up leading a fleet of ships that are just copy-pastes of the same CG model, which was derided for being cheap and lazy on the part of the showrunners and a failed chance to show Riker in command of the ''Titan'' or ''Enterprise''.<br />
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To make matters even more dumb and yet also more complicated at the same time, the showrunners are apparently under some kind of licensing agreement regarding the portrayal of images and concepts from the earlier shows. This means that they can't, for example, casually mention the Dominion War and its impact on the Federation, because if they did, they'd have to pay a licensing fee. This is why the show has been carefully crafted to look like a distant, derpy cousin of Star Trek, while only occasionally featuring cameos of things such as the Enterprise-D, or directly referencing arcs in previous shows: because if they use concepts from prior Star Trek shows, they have to pay for them.<br />
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Finally, when all has been said and done by the end of Season 1, Picard himself is reduced to a nearly-useless side character in his own show. Where once he commanded the admiration and respect of friends and foes alike, in this show he is consistently portrayed as a disrespected, disregarded, and often powerless caricature of himself, utterly reliant on the characters around him. {{spoiler|It doesn't help they legit kill him in the last episode and then made him an android after he also agreed to "kill" Data whose memories are basically in a server on a planet of Soong androids. The showrunners specifically came out and said their plan was always to kill Picard to make a point about how privileged he was being a captain in Starfleet. You can't make this shit up. Patrick Stewart himself claims that they hadn't written Picard's death until they were almost finished filming the season, so who knows what the hell was going on.}}<br />
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One other thing is certain. Whether you like the series or not, it's clear that this series is not taking place in Gene Roddenberry's noblebright vision of the Federation, and the fact that it is yet another grim, violent entry into the franchise is a point that has left many viewers with a bad aftertaste. If the rumors are true, then this show may have either killed the current grimderp Trek or has left fans so pissed that CBS is, once again, on the verge of financial ruin and possibly looking to sell the franchise since they aren't making the money they thought they would after the massive amounts of money they dumped into both this and Discovery.<br />
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Season 2 premiered in March 2022 after the Covid pandemic delayed production. They definitely listened to some of the major criticisms of the first season - Picard's been reinstated in Starfleet, many fan-favorite starship classes returned for the big space battle in the first episode, the gratuitous swearing and needless grimdark got toned down, and more deep cuts from TOS and DS9 lore show up. <br />
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Q shows up and launches the gang into a hilariously over-the-top alternate timeline where the [[Humanity Fuck Yeah]] knob got cranked to 11 and as a result the ''Con''federation of Humanity has been going around [[Imperium of Man|exterminating all xenos scum]] up to and including the Borg, which is admittedly pretty badass. They're all appropriately horrified by this, and steal the Borg queen right as she's about to be executed so they can do a sun-slingshot move to go back to 2024 Los Angeles and <strike>save the whales</strike>fix whatever got messed up. Brent Spiner turns up as yet another Soong ancestor, morally skewed as always, and the punk from Star Trek IV returns, still blasting his boombox all these years later. Picard and co. save the future by ensuring that his ancestor Renee goes on a manned mission to the moon of Europa, where she discovers an alien organism that allows humanity to magically fix Earth's biosphere and make everything noblebright forevermore, apparently because [[Derp|the writers forgot that WWIII will arrive in a few decades]]. Rios decides to stay in the past because he met a sexy doctor and [[What|dies in a barfight]], Dr. Soong is revealed to be working on more Khans, his fake daughter Kore meets Wesley Crusher and becomes a Traveler, and it turns out that the reason Q did all this in the first place was to help Picard confront his deep-seated family issues so he could avoid dying alone, as Q is in the process of dying alone himself. In the season finale, the Borg (now being controlled by Agnes after [[What|she forced the Borg queen to bitch down by getting her to admit her ''own'' loneliness]]) ask to join the Federation so they can keep an eye on some weird transwarp conduit that some unknown entity just opened, which was why the Borg rocked up at the beginning of the season. Least it wrapped up well. <br />
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Would you believe Season 3 manages to turn it around somehow? Essentially a 10-episode attempt to answer the question, 'How can we get all of the original cast members together on a starship in the least contrived way?', Picard, Riker, Troi, LaForge, Worf, Data, and the bearable Crusher all come together to fight the new Borg threat. The series is written and directed by people who truly understand what Star Trek is about, and as such is a welcome sight to fans of the franchise. Each of the original cast gets time to develop their characters further - Worf drinks tea, Beverley finally manages to raise a kid who isn't [[Mary Sue|Wesley]], and Geordi now runs the fleet museum and has raised an impressive engineer himself. The series is practically dedicated to ignoring or fixing the last two seasons of Picard, if not the last quarter-century of TNG-adjacent movie and television media, and somewhat succeeds. {{Spoiler|They even bring back the right bridge, even if the excuse as to why was [[Fail|pulled out of their butts]]…}}<br />
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The only sore spot of the series is the latest ''Enterprise'' at the end of the series, [[Derp|which looks like a horrible kitbash of the original Constitution]], and compares very unfavorably to its predecessor in the looks department. Other than that, it provides what was sorely missing these last few decades: a good send-off for the Next Generation ''after'' 'All Good Things'. <br />
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==''Strange New Worlds''==<br />
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An attempt to put the golden goose back together on the operating table. After seeing the reception of having Captain Pike in Discovery, Paramount decided to simply return to the pilot cast of The Original Series with its fingers crossed that the old bird will resume replicating gold eggs.<br />
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It's good so far. It's fun and optimistic, which is a genuine relief after the grimderp of Discovery and Picard, but isn't afraid to occasionally go in dark places and present genuinely difficult philosophical problems. We'll have to see if it holds up, the science can be very stupid even by ''Trek'' standards, and if you liked the Gorn you'll hate what they're doing with them, but overall, so far so good. The season 1 finale is a treat; it's a retelling of the classic episode "Balance of Terror" but with Pike in command of the ''Enterprise'' instead of Kirk, and they recreate everything from the blocking to the dialogue to the cheesy zooms of the original episode. It's pretty awesome.<br />
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==''Lower Decks''==<br />
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{{topquote|I FAILED THE KOBAYASHI MARU SEVENTEEN TIMES MOTHERFUCKER!|Brad Boimler}}<br />
Mike McMahan is doing this one, him being the person behind the Rick & Morty cartoon. It's set in 2380 on the ''Cerritos'', concentrating (like the TNG episode of the same name) on the grunts working in the bowels of the ship. The main characters are ensigns and low-level lieutenants: Tendi is a perky Orion science office-in-training with massive insecurities about her species. Rutherford is Geordi LaForge with less experience and a Manchurian Candidate backstory. Mariner is basically just reboot-era Kirk down to the captain's kid, broken home complex. They are all the bane (and close friends) of the worrisome Boimler, the Starfleet straight-man who could be the next Picard if he stopped worrying about getting promoted so much.<br />
[[File:Star_Trek_Lower_Decks.jpg|400px|right]]<br />
Fans feared this would focus on lowbrow "humor" episodes with technobabble nonsense stapled to it just like McMahan's other works; and they were half right, although the technobabble is here honestly ''less'' annoying than in mainline Trek, on account it's not being taken seriously. But over the first season the show found its footing. To enjoy it, you just have to embrace the likely reality that a few decks below all of Picard's noblebright ready room monologues there were hundreds of ignoble, corner-cutting crewmen who just want to get to the end of their shift. It's entertaining, but in a "The Bashir & Garak Show" sort of way. John de Lancie reprises Q, and Frakes returns as Riker, now in command of the USS Titan. <br />
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By the end of the first season, the consensus had formed that Lower Decks is probably the best addition to the franchise since the Rick Berman era ended, with a much better understanding of what Star Trek IS (to its fans) than either Discovery or Picard. The second and third seasons moved the series towards an overarching plot. The Pakleds, a joke throwaway species from TNG, are fittingly brought back as the story's big bad. The Pakleds are basically Ork [[Freebooterz]], an entire species of idiotic space pirates. Brutally kunnin they are not; their "plans" are worthy of Douglas Adams. Mariner gets beaten with the nerfhammer for the middle of season 2 and occasionally in season 3 making her much more tolerable. Meanwhile, the story of Rutherford's cybernetics gradually unfolds as the result of a conspiracy in Starfleet. Along the way, there's an episode ripping off James Cameron's ''Avatar'', a session of Klingon Dungeons & Dragons, space-faring Renfaire fanatics, and Mariner and Boimler having to work the Starfleet booth at job fair.<br />
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In summary, the first season was rife with teething issues (but show me a Trek series which wasn't) and directly appeals to people who loved Star Trek but now believe that "Star Trek is dead, Jim". Second and third season are more appealing to Trekkies who aren't afraid to laugh at the thing they like.<br />
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'''Outstanding Episodes: '''Crisis Point (Mariner hijacks Boimler's holodeck simulation of the bridge crew and turns it to a Star Trek film holodeck program); The Spy Humongous (Captain Freeman is sent to negotiate with the Pakleds while a Pakled spy pretends to be an asylum seeker. Answers the question how the various dangerous plot devices are disposed of); Where Pleasant Fountains Lie (Boimler and Mariner crash on a desert planet escorting an evil AI, Mariner gets well and truly nerfed. The ship's chief engineer turns out to be a prince of aforementioned Renfaire-fanatics); I, Excretus (The crew undergoes a holodeck drill program of various situations from past serieses. Boimler gets to shine in classic Starfleet activities); Grounded (Season 3 pilot. Mariner is convinced her mother is being railroaded in court and more evidence is needed from dry-docked Cerritos); Reflections (Rutherford races his past self in his subconciousness and his repressed memories start surfacing. Mariner and Boimler work a Star Fleet recruitment booth at a fair leading to the section quote.); Hear all, Trust Nothing (DS9 homage episode guest staring Armin Shimmerman and Nana Visitor. Tendi deals with her species embarrasment); Crisis Point 2: Paradoxus (Boimler desings a Star Trek film, but derails it almost immediately for himself and Mariner. Basically an RP sesssion where half of the players derail and split off).<br />
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'''Episodes to avoid:''' Envoys; Temporal Edict; Veritas; A Mathematically Perfect Redemption.<br />
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=='' Prodigy''==<br />
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Here for sake of completeness, an animated show targeting a younger audience that debuted in 2021 on Nickleodeon (alongside Paramount+). The show follows a collection of misfit (mostly young) aliens on a mining colony that find hidden in a crystalline planetoid the USS ''Protostar'', a Starfleet ship with a hologram of Janeway to aid the collection of "Cadets" as they escape and venture out into an galaxy full of adventure while the owner of the mining colony and his robot minion try to take the ''Protostar'' for themselves.<br />
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So far it has a decent critical reception. If you want Star Trek which is noblebright and not ironic and are fine with a PG rating, this may be worth a look.<br />
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= Films =<br />
We're putting these at the end in the (unlikely) event someone does a movie that's in the non-Abrams canon ever. As a general rule, the even-numbered ones aren't complete shit.<br />
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* '''''Star Trek: The Motion Picture''''': AKA: The Slow Motion Picture, or the Motionless Picture. A giant space whatsit is flying towards Earth, the mostly-retired crew has to go figure out what's going on and stop it. Old school sci-fi geeks like the ideas, but terrible pace and interminable special effects that were clearly meant to capitalize on ''2001: A Space Odyssey'' while failing to understand what people like about that movie kill them dead for everyone else. Besides the uniform worn by Kirk, the uniforms also look like pajamas. So no wonder they were changed only a movie later. Features an entirely bald female alien who is [[What|so good at sex that she has to swear an oath not to get it on with the crew]]. Really. This is canon.<br />
* '''''Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan''''': As Kirk starts to feel his age, a one-off villain from the show played by Ricardo "Corinthian Leather" Montalban makes a dramatic reappearance: [[Meme|KKKHHHAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!]] Widely considered the best of all the films, and the only one considered a straight up great film, no qualifiers. If you haven't seen it, see it. So good many later movies in the franchise just try to rip it off instead of finding their own identities. Interesting fact: due to time constraints, Shatner and Montalban weren't available at the same time. So the entire script was written so that Kirk and Khan never need to meet face-to-face. But you'd never notice if it weren't pointed out to you. Roddenberry screeched autistically and objected to some of the actions of his characters, including Kirk shooting a [[Enslavers|brain eating space parasite]] that had literally just emerged from the head of his friend rather than "[[Noblebright|keeping it for study]]." The fact that his strongest objections came to the most win of the films says a great deal about his depreciating value to the franchise around the TNG era. <br />
* '''''Star Trek III: The Search for Spock''''': Where is Spock? ''He's on Genesis.'' ALL AHEAD FULL! Not really bad, just mediocre and run of the mill compared to the superior films that surround it. It was also saddled with the misfortune of undoing some of the previous film's more-daring decisions, and having its only daring decision reversed a film later. If you had to say that any film broke the "odd numbers suck" rule, it would be this one. This was Leonard Nimoy's first attempt at directing a full film, having asked for the seat in exchange for agreeing to play Spock again. <br />
* '''''Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home''''': The crew of the ''Enterprise'' travels back in time to save the whales. No, literally and unironically. Scott tries to talk to a computer through the mouse, Spock nerve-pinches a punk on a bus in San Francisco, and somehow it works, creating something perhaps not quite in the genre intended but a classic in sci-fi dramedy. ''The Voyage Home'' is a zany comedy romp beloved by the general public and fandom alike, leaving only the most intractable fanbois to bitch and moan. Nimoy directed this one too but there was a contract stipulation that Shatner would get whatever Nimoy got, thus leading to...<br />
* '''''Star Trek V: The Final Frontier''''': aka. the film that should never have been made, even by many die-hard Trekkies. Kirk's actor got his spin behind the camera as agreed and wanted a "thought-provoking movie" after the more comical IV. Good intention, but the abysmal execution leaves the audience facepalming at the very best. Between the weak script, the 'moral' of the story ('faith can be abused by unscrupulous people', for the record) delivered with all the subtlety of a punch to the face, poor (or deliberately campy) special effects, uninspired performances by the actors (who for the most part didn't like the script as it had them behave against everything that had come before and betray Kirk) and Kirk's screentime-hogging (despite being behind the camera); this movie is by far the absolute worst of the original six and simply not worth watching... but it's just dumb and hapless, not dead and soulless like what's to follow from other crews.<br />
* '''''Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country''''': The Space Cold War ends amidst searing mystery and drama. The sendoff for the original cast, except Kirk who got a worse send-off a movie later. Gene Roddenberry watched it, hated it, and was going to seek legal advice but died a week later. And good riddance to that, because it's a pretty sweet political thriller if your hippie-panties don't get into a twist at the thought that the Federation isn't a perfect place full of perfect people. Press F for Christopher Plummer, second best ham in ''Trek'' history. After the previous movie's painful directing, Sulu's actor only agreed to come back if he got to be captain of his own ship. He did, but Shatner still found a way to steal his thunder.<br />
* '''''Star Trek Generations''''': Malcolm McDowell blows up planets to get into a magic space ribbon to live forever, no it does not make any more sense in context. Bringing the TNG crew to the silver screen was a good idea, but those were thin on the ground. An already-weak story hamstrung by its obsession with being daring and unconventional rather than good (aside from the bit where Worf gets promoted, that was great). Also, Kirk dies on the bridge in the most face-palming manner possible. Nimoy was offered the Director's chair, took one look at the script and demanded a rewrite which didn't happen so he refused to be involved. <br />
* '''''Star Trek First Contact''''': The ''TNG'' crew face off with the Borg to ensure the future happens. Lots of action, a script that sparks with energy and snark, and some quite effective performances make this the only good ''TNG'' movie (we don't blame you TNG cast). It is sadly also the only appearance of the Defiant on the big screen, doing a pretty decent job of fighting the Borg before the Enterprise E saves the day of course. The Borg Queen was also introduced here before Voyager ruined what could have been a good idea. (Or demonstrated the flaws in what was already a shaky idea, depending on who you ask, but either way she works well here in a way she won't later.) <br />
* '''''Star Trek Insurrection''''': If you thought the [[Avatar|Na'vi]] were a bunch of badly-written [[Mary Sue]]s, you ain't seen nothing yet! B-b-b-baby you ain't seen n-n-n-nothing yet! Also, Riker shaves his beard, and that's basically a war crime. Aged from terrible to forgettably bad thanks to that one scene of Picard and Data singing ''HMS Pinafore'' going memetic. <br />
* '''''Star Trek Nemesis''''': The last stand of the ''TNG'' cast, ending not with a bang but a whimper. It also required amending the even=good/odd=bad rule to "''Galaxy Quest'' counts as a ''Star Trek'' film so this one is also odd." Infamous for killing off Data (which was actually Brent Spiner's idea since he was starting to visibly age) and because the director hadn't watched a single episode of TNG, back when it was considered a bad thing not to know anything about the property you were adapting. It also killed Tom Hardy's career for half a decade, [[Grimdark|and nearly killed Hardy himself]].<br />
* '''''Star Trek''''' (2009): Alternate timeline "reboot" (sideboot?) with the original crew, albeit with new younger actors. Timey-wimey shit happens and old prime timeline Spock (reprised by old Leonard Nimoy) is hurled back in time along with a bunch of Romulan assholes. The dickbag Romulans begin fucking shit up, slightly altering history in a way that ensures gratuitous lens flare. [[skub| Skubtastic]], but at least fun to watch (if a literally gleaming, uncomplicated space action-adventure that doesn't delve deeply into the human condition ala II or deeply into idiocy ala V/Generations/Insurrection spells "fun" to you), which is more than ''most'' odd-numbered films can muster. If you still even count it as odd, without the ''Galaxy Quest''-amendment.<br />
* '''''Star Trek Into Darkness''''': Some [[edgy]] [[Fail|shit]]. The second of the alternate timeline ''Trek'' films. Terrorism, conspiracy and flapdoodle. Even more skubtastic, but generally considered worse than its predecessor, partially because (like ''Nemesis'') it tries to be a remake of ''The Wrath of Khan'' and having Kirk at his most punchable.<br />
* '''''Star Trek Beyond''''': Didn't totally suck; graded on a curve against the prior two. So - the good / bad / skub. Good: lots of good character stuff for the entire cast (including Kirk ''not'' being an asshat) and a decent story revolving around a race of mysterious space pirates trying to conquer a colony; handles IRL death of Leonard Nimoy excellently. Bad: villains are under-written, the action photography is poorly-lit shaky-cam horseshit, and the sound work is awful. Skub: Takei came out to complain that its Sulu was gay-married, since he'd played Sulu straight himself, so gay-Sulu was - Takei complained - an insult to his acting prowess (but: alternate universe, remember). If it's the last "Kelvin Timeline" movie, as it seems it will be, at least it ended on a note that wasn't total turd. Apparently we're getting a fourth one now, which was news to everyone including the cast.<br />
<br />
= Novels =<br />
Like most long time franchises ''Star Trek'' has a massive line of books.<br />
<br />
Most are effectively fanfics as nothing but the show and the movies is canon so the writers can do whatever they want. Partial exception to be made for the ''Deep Space Nine'' line; those are considered the "eighth season", justifiably, because they're actually quite good. Start with Andrew "Garak" Robinson's ''Stitch in Time''.<br />
<br />
This changed after ''Nemesis'' since that movie was so godawful the producers calculated they might never have another show or movie in the "Prime" universe; also, several ''DS9'' actors started dropping off dead (so their fans never did get their kino). The writers got their shit together and wrote a group of books as a tight community very close to the shows. The relaunch novels are a continuation of the show they're about. Also there's the ''Titan'' book series which is about Riker and Troi getting their own ship, which happens to be staffed by every race in the Federation including living rocks, [[awesome|space dinosaurs]] that smell like [[meatbread|toast]] and a [[what|space cyborg ostrich]].<br />
<br />
All the relaunch lines eventually got brought together in Star Trek: Destiny, where the Borg go nuts and eat Pluto ... yeah... and then they finally get sick of the Federation somehow managing to not get assimilated all the time, so they finally just send every last cube they have with orders to Exterminatus the absolute SHIT out of the entire Alpha Quadrant. Pretty much every important character from TNG, DS9, and Voyager has to team up to stop them, and even then the Federation still gets its shit kicked in and winds up having to rely on a vaguely ridiculous deus ex machina to beat the Borg, and [[Grimdark|billions of people still die and dozens of planets are blown to shit]]. It was pretty insane.<br />
<br />
Then all the Federation's main enemies get together to form an anti-Federation and start poking the bear, all the while telling their allies that they're somehow warmongering dicks, Section 31 gets its cover blown in a big way, and Riker gets promoted to Admiral. Also, a lot of the newer TNG novels have been devoted to following up on one-shot aliens from the show, like the guys that sent out the probe that made Barclay super-smart and those fish monks that were abducting crewmembers for experiments. Now that the Picard show is coming out, though, this will all presumably be chucked in the dustbin. <br />
<br />
Picard show came. Dustbin. But! Some of the authors who'd been working on the novel continuity for the last twenty years weren't willing to let the Trek novelverse die an inglorious death like the original Star Wars EU, so they got together and wrote a trilogy to give it a proper send-off. The dickhead aliens from that TNG two-part episode with Mark Twain have worked out a way to blow up entire quantum realities and feast on the neural energy of the trillions of lives snuffed out in the process. The novelverse crews all team up to stop them and learn that they're in an alternate timeline created by the Borg during the events of ''First Contact'', and that their reality will have to be erased permanently in order to ensure the survival of the rest of the multiverse. Some of them are less happy about it than others, but they band together to fight the good fight one last time. Everyone fucking dies, of course, but in the end they defeat the dickhead aliens and save the day before being extinguished forever. Still a better note to go out on than Disney saying "lol none of the old EU is canon anymore, buy our new stuff nerds."<br />
<br />
= Video Games =<br />
Again, you're in /tg/, so /v/ comes LAST.<br />
<br />
There have been over 100 Star Trek video games to date but you'll be lucky for find more than [https://www.gog.com/news/6_classic_star_trek_games_ready_to_beam_up_new_players_and_fans_alike 6 on Steam or GOG] that aren't shitty mobile phone games. The vast, vast majority of Star Trek's games are abandonware with no way to purchase them, let alone get them from completely trustable sources. Also for a long time gamers had the (justified) prejudice that ''Trek'' games were shit and ''Wars'' games were good. This changed a bit after ''Elite Force'' redeemed ''Trek'' a bit and more so on the other end after EA ran ''Wars'' to the ground.<br />
<br />
* [https://www.gog.com/partner/startrek List of Star Trek games on GOG.com]<br />
<br />
=== Star Trek Online ===<br />
''Star Trek Online'' is the free-to-play online game built by Cryptic Studios and run by <s>Infogrames</s> <s>Atari</s> <s>Perfect World</s> Gearbox. With an official license CBS, recurring characters voiced by various Trek alumni, and a license to include references to both the reboot chronology (officially known as the "Kelvin Timeline") and recent shows, it's the closest existing thing to an "official" continuation of the "Prime" timeline, and contains history and fluff extending nearly 30 years from the end of Star Trek: Nemesis.<br />
<br />
Taking place in the 25th century (around the year 2409-2412), the Hobus supernova (the event that kicked Nero and Spock into the past alternate timeline during Star Trek 2009) has devastated the Romulans, resulting in the near-collapse and fragmentation of the Romulan Star Empire. This causes tensions between a resurgent Klingon Empire and the Federation which blows up into a war. Members of the new (and nicer) breakaway Romulan Republic play both sides in exchange for development aid.<br />
<br />
There are six possible starts for characters.<br />
*Current Starfleet - The standard starting point.<br />
*Klingons - You are a warrior of the Empire! Qapla' warrior! Today is a good day to die!<br />
*Romulan Republic - Part of a breakaway state after the destabilization of the Star Empire, you get a choice on which major faction (Starfleet or Klingon) you can join later on.<br />
*Dominion - Quite possibly the least played, you do start at level 60 (basically right at end game since levels cap at 65) and you pick which major faction to join too, but you're part of the Dominion so...<br />
*TOS Starfleet - With all the redshirt shenanigans that entails. A time anomaly and weird mission later and you're now in the standard timeline for STO.<br />
*DSC Starfleet - Similar to TOS, comes with a series of starting missions that are possibly the best any of the starts have. Drawback is that it is couched in the Discovery era.<br />
<br />
The game contains deep cuts from all over Trek lore, and answers questions about what happened to various key characters, including Data (took over the Enterprise-E, then retired), the Enterprise (now an even bigger ship run by Andorian captain Shon), and the Voyager crew (it took Harry Kim 30 years to make Captain lol). Raises barely-shown, unnamed, and otherwise obscure races to new prominence as big bad foes, including the Iconians (ancient aliens with god complexes who mutated into energy beings, currently live in Dyson Spheres and were only defeated by a predestination paradox), Tzenkethi (4-armed halo guys whose weak points are the FRONT of their shields), and Na'kuhl (the alien nazis from Enterprise as time-traveling terrorists who blame the Federation for a throwaway event that happened in TNG's beach episode).<br />
<br />
The two most recent major arcs center on a Klingon power struggle and civil between mostly TNG-era Klingons and some DSC-era Klingons (and you also go to Klingon Hell) followed very quickly by a Terran arc with heavy tie-ins to the original Star Trek movie's V'Ger. While the Klingon arc made some players more than a little irked due to not only its length (spread out over several "seasons" of play) and it's attempt to shoehorn in the controversial Discovery era, the Terran arc has been widely praised and brought back a very notorious character from the TNG era.<br />
<br />
Ostensibly free to play, but don't let that fool you... the ''not-so-micro''transactions are the only reason the lights stay on.<br />
<br />
That said, the game does get really decent updates and now is in a groove of running two seasonal events ("Summer on Risa" and "Q's Winter Wonderland") as well as a year-long campaign, as well as a smattering of smaller ones throughout the year. The seasonal ones tend to give you really good shit (often a ship, other times major equipment that can help define an entire character) but the year-long campaign gives you a choice of 3 options to pick from - a shit ton of in-game currency known as Lobi (enough to get a Lobi ship and a little extra), TWO regular Zen Store Tier 6 ships (these unlock for all characters, by the way), or one of the "Premium" ships (ones you typically get from lockbox drops). The only major stipulation is the Premium ship can't be one that has been released in that specific year, but previous years ones are fair game to grab.<br />
<br />
=== Bridge Commander ===<br />
A game that lets you feel like a captain. Very dated, but mods are very good. Has had a resurgence in recent years, with newer mods adding stuff from the newer shows.<br />
<br />
=== Elite Force ===<br />
There was an "Away Team" game that sucked and a "Voyager" game 1995-7 that got canceled. ''Elite Force'' was the ST:VOY away-team FPS game that critics didn't poop on, and it even got a sequel featuring much of the cast of ''TNG''.<br />
<br />
=== Starfleet Command ===<br />
''Starfleet Command'' was a series real time space battle games by Interplay based on the much older tabletop game Star Fleet Battles. It came out in 1999 and was followed by several sequels and expansions. Gameplay was much like ''Battlefleet Gothic'', but with the player only controlling one ship. SFC remains Interplay's best selling game, topping even ''Baldur's Gate''.<br />
<br />
=== Armada ===<br />
<br />
A series of low effort RTS's churned out by Activision in 2000. Tried to take on both ''Homeworld'' and ''Age of Empires'', both of which have recently gotten HD remakes and ''Armada'' hasn't so that should tell you all you need to know. However, for one of the first 3D model space RTS's it was surprisingly easy to mod, resulting in many ship mod packs being made for it.<br />
<br />
=== Legacy ===<br />
Starfleet Command dumbed down but with fancier graphics and the ability to fly in 3D. Features ships and protagonists from all 4 main series before the reboots so it has everything iconic. The Ultimate Universe mod has every single ship from all series before the reboot.<br />
<br />
==NonCanon==<br />
=== Homages ===<br />
Being such a long-running franchise with a wide audience, Star Trek has gained enough pop-culture recognition that it is often referenced in other works. In a few cases entire projects are made to pay homage to Star Trek. Here are some examples.<br />
<br />
==== Galaxy Quest ====<br />
A sci-fi/comedy film released in 1999, directed by Dean Parisot. Built around that ''Three Amigos'' premise of "What if the cast of ''Star Trek'' ended up on a real spaceship and had to actually do the shit they did in the show?", this one parodies science fiction films and series in general - ''Star Trek'' (and its fandom) in particular.<br />
<br />
The film stars big name actors including Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver and the late Alan Rickman. The plot revolves around the cast of a defunct cult television series called Galaxy Quest (for example, Tim Allen played the Kirk/Shatner expy and Alan Rickman played the Spock/Nimoy expy). They're also suffering fatigue that mirrors the experiences of the actual Star Trek actors (Rickman's character is typecast with his Galaxy Quest character and laments it, similar to how these things happened to the late, great Leonard Nimoy).<br />
<br />
The cast are suddenly visited by actual aliens, the Thermians, who believe the series to be an accurate documentary (they have no concept of fiction and only the most bare bones idea of lying - which they only just learned about when the antagonist deceived them repeatedly) and seek their help. The Thermians take the actors with them, who find themselves involved in a very real, and dangerous, galactic conflict against the alien warlord, Sarris. Unlike the show where it all wrapped up quickly they struggle to learn about and relate to the aliens. Can these ordinary, flawed actors find greatness within themselves, and possibly personal redemption? (Spoiler: yes, and it is incredible.)<br />
<br />
Speaking of the aliens, in a witty nod to the "rubber forehead aliens" so common in Star Trek, the Thermians first appear to resemble humans with unnaturally pale skin and straight hair/cheap make-up, but that's revealed to be a holographic disguise and their true forms are squid-like. This does not stop one of the actors from striking up a relationship with a female alien anyway. [[/d/| Shine on you crazy /d/iamond!]]<br />
<br />
/tg/ deems this one of the best parodies ever made, and an affectionate love-letter to the franchise as a whole. If you disagree then feel free to consume a big bag of Saurian Swinoid dongs.<br />
<br />
''"Never give up, Never surrender!"''<br />
<br />
==== The Orville ====<br />
Now has [[The Orville|its own page]].<br />
<br />
===Fanfics===<br />
We ''could'' point you to An Archive Of Our Own but, for those (few) of you not keen to watch Kirk and Spock probe Uranus, here are some of the better noncanonical Trek you might want to watch.<br />
<br />
====Star Trek: Renegades====<br />
Kickstarter Trek. The makers submitted their made-for-TV movie pilot to CBS in an attempt to get it made into a legit on-the-air series (and by god it shows), but they were not successful. As a result, while the project limped along for a few years afterward, it has good and bad in equal measure. As a non-official product it also cannot be considered canon. Some characters are actually interesting (about time we saw more of the Breen!) while others are pure Mary Sues (including a male Seven of Nine with a built-in Borg-gun/personal shield/fully-functional hand). Some of the ideas are interesting while others are boring or already-been-done. The CGI is all Hollywood-quality, but the practical effects are okay at best. <br />
It's obvious that they made this without knowing that they were going to be able to make a TV show or not, and tried to cram the sort of build-up and intrigue we saw in DS9 into a span of 90 minutes. For now though, it's decidedly meh, and probably a dead project as well since it hasn't been mentioned on the maker's website in over a year as of late 2019.<br />
<br />
====Star Trek Continues====<br />
Of all the offerings listed here, Star Trek Continues is BY FAR the closest in theme and tone to the original 1960's series. Indeed, this is the whole point: from its inception, this fan-funded project was intended to represent a what-if "4th Season" of the Original Series, ending with the conclusion of the Enterprise's 5-year mission. It is surprisingly and at times ''delightfully'' watchable, with strong stories, consequences and arcs that carry over to later episodes, tons of attention to detail, unexpected cameos, and a cast that really came together, particularly in later episodes. It also delicately navigated a line between viewing female characters through the lens of a show that was rooted in 1960's culture while also not treating them as weak children dependent on men for protection. Star Trek Continues successfully concluded its "season" with all 11 episodes gradually released from 2014 to 2018, to heaps of industry awards and wide praise (including a personal endorsement from Gene Roddenberry's son, who said his father would've approved).<br />
<br />
===Parodies===<br />
====Futurama====<br />
Matt Groening, that mad lad, got almost all the original actors in a ''Futurama'' episode to [re-]enact a ''Trek'' episode on behalf of an alien fan. But not Doohan, so "Scotty" is replaced by "Welshie". Who gets horribly killed and has his corpse zapped whenever the alien loses his temper.<br />
<br />
====Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning====<br />
Another parody, parodying not only ''Star Trek'' but ''Babylon 5'' as well. The seventh in a series fan movies released in 2005, it's about Captain Pirk builds a starship called CPP ''Kickstart'', allies with Russia and takes over the world. He wants to take over more planets but the ships of his P-Fleet aren't fast enough to travel outside the Solar system. A maggot hole opens and it leads to an alternate reality. Pirk wants to take over the Earth of this reality, which leads to an [[awesome]] space battle between the P-Fleet and the fleet of the space station Babel 13 led by Johnny Sherrypie. The movie features some of the best special effects ever put in a sci-fi movie, which is pretty impressive, considering that this is an amateur film with a very low budget and was rendered in five years in someone's bedroom. The film is spoken in Finnish but subtitles are available for a wide variety of languages, including Klingon. They also made [https://web.archive.org/web/20070828010927/http://rpg.starwreck.com/ a role-playing game based on it], where your character [[Truenamer|becomes more incompetent]] [[Page 42|as he levels up]].<br />
<br />
= Would you like to know more? =<br />
And oh Lordy, is there more...<br />
*[http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/ Main Memory Alpha: A ''Star Trek'' wiki]<br />
*[http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/ Main Memory Beta: The flip-side of Memory Alpha for the less than official stuff]<br />
*[http://sfdebris.com/ SF Debris: opinionated episode reviews, has some non ''Trek'' stuff as well]<br />
*[http://www.letswatchstartrek.com/ Let's Watch Star Trek]: A curated list of the episodes for newcomers - which episodes to watch or skip.<br />
<br />
[[Category: Television]]<br />
[[Category:Star Trek]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Storythread&diff=1009119Storythread2026-03-21T14:29:02Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008995 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>{{Awesome}}<br />
==What are Storythreads?==<br />
A dedicated thread where writefags can come and create stories, thus saving other, innocent, /tg/ threads from being burdened with things like creativity and imagination. Many writefag threads could technically be described as Storythreads, but this page is for threads whose sole purpose is to provide a platform for writefags, rather than threads which are dedicated to /tg/ topics like Warhammer, MTG, etc, and happen to produce writefaggotry in the process.<br />
<br />
==What goes on in Storythreads?==<br />
Sometimes the OP will set a topic - which can be just about anything - thus inviting others to both read his writefaggotry, and contribute their own. However, the most common incarnation of Storythreads on /tg/ are the more freestyle Post A Picture, Write A Story threads.<br />
<br />
==Why are Storythreads important, and what do they have to do with /tg/?==<br />
If you ever want to be an even half-decent DM/GM, you need to be able to write good stories, and create good settings to put them in. Hell, if you even want to play traditional games it generally helps to have some understanding of how to create decent characters and narratives. Even where Storythreads do not appear to involve direct /tg/-related material, it's all good creative exercise for when your players de-rail you so thoroughly that you have to create an entirely new campaign in the space of one bathroom break.<br />
<br />
==Post A Picture, Write A Story==<br />
The name is self explanatory - people post pics, and then writefags come along a write about what they think is going on in the pic. Some anons suspect that this is part of a secret NSA psy-ops program to administer a variant of the Rorschach Ink-Blot Test to large segments of the online community. There are two flaws with this theory: <br />
<br />
1) The vast majority of anons are too lazy to write anything, and <br />
<br />
2) I create a lot of those threads and if I'm working for the NSA, I am being grossly underpaid.<br />
<br />
<br />
These follow no particular theme and are in no particular order:<br />
<br />
<gallery><br />
File:TheDeepSleep.png| 1 - The Deep Sleep<br />
File:KittenSkin.png| 2 - Kitten Skin<br />
File:DieForelle.png| 3 - Die Forelle<br />
File:RaptorSquadron.png| 4 - Raptor Squadron<br />
File:Biomass-22.png| 5 - Biomass-22<br />
File:Shadewood.png| 6 - The Shadewood<br />
File:UndeadDinos.png| 7 - Lych and Dinosaurs<br />
File:Prosperity.png| 8 - Prosperity<br />
File:OneStopLoliShop.png| 9 - Loli Shop<br />
File:OneManEngineering.png| 10 - One Man Engineering<br />
File:ImpossibleCat.png | 11 - The Impossible Cat<br />
File:Guardian.png | 12 - The Guardian<br />
File:DominantLifeform.png| 13 - The Dominant Lifeform<br />
File:WorkingConditions.png| 14 - Unacceptable Working Conditions <br />
File:ThespianGoblin.png| 15 - The Thespian Goblin<br />
File:Sand.png | 16 - Too Much Sand<br />
File:RobotCharity.png | 17 - Robots Need Charity<br />
File:OnTheRoadWithDeath.png | 18 - On the Road With Death <br />
File:LoyalRobot.png | 19 - Loyal Robot Retainer<br />
File:IntelligenceGathering.png | 20 - Intelligence Gathering <br />
File:Gladiator2.png | 21 - The Fight<br />
File:Gladiator.png | 22 - The Gladiator's Son<br />
File:DimensionalNeighbourhood.png | 23 - You get used to the extra dimensions<br />
File:TheZone.png | 24 - The Zone (STALKER) <br />
File:TheTerribleCurse.png | 25 - A most terrible curse<br />
File:BattleBodies.png | 26 - Battle Bodies<br />
File:Apples.png| 27 - Apples in the Undercity<br />
File:Cheers.png| 28 - Cheers<br />
File:FatherToSon.png| 29 - From Father To Son<br />
File:ForestArmy.png| 30 - The Army of the Forest<br />
File:FrankieAndJim.png| 31 - Frankie and Jim<br />
File:Golaris.png | 32 - The Dark Lord<br />
File:Jelly.png| 33 - Jelly<br />
File:LibrarianOfTime.png| 34 - The Librarian Of Time<br />
File:Sunrise.png | 35 - Waiting for Sunrise<br />
File:SurpriseGuest.png | 36 - A Surprise Guest<br />
File:T.png| 37 - T<br />
File:UndeadBattle.png| 38 - The Great Battle Against the Undead<br />
File:Witch.png| 39 - Witches<br />
File:Scouting.png|40 - Scouts<br />
File:Joyriding.png| 41 - This is recon, not drag racing<br />
File:Old Soldiers.png| 42 - Old Soldiers<br />
File:WrongRealm.png| 43 - Totally not the realm I was looking for.<br />
File:DeadRise.png | 44 - Some things should stay dead.<br />
File:TheyWaitTheyHunger.png | 45 - They wait, they hunger.<br />
File:ItsOnlyCheatingIfYouGetCaught.png| 46 - It's only cheating if you get caught.<br />
File:Tovarish.png | 47 - Tovarish<br />
File:RuneMastery.png| 48 - Rune Mastery<br />
File:Invincible.png | 49 - Criminal vs. Vigilante<br />
File:TastyEggs.png | 50 - Tasty, tasty Easter Eggs<br />
File:Warforged.png | 51- Warforged<br />
File:Don'tMove.png | 52 - Don't Move<br />
File:TheCrows.png | 53 - The Crows<br />
File:BlueDragon.png | 54 - Blue Dragon<br />
File:BringBackTheDead.png | 55 - He raises the dead.<br />
File:DragonPlan.png | 56 - The Dragon's Plan<br />
File:DragonLove.png | 57 - The love of a dragon.<br />
File:TheDragonAndTheGirl.png |58 - The Dragon and the Girl<br />
File:Hellbringers.png |59 - Hellbringers<br />
File:Convergence.png| 60 - Convergence<br />
File:TheJump.png| 61 - The Jump<br />
File:HEINLEIN.png| 62 - HEINLEIN<br />
File:TheAlien.png | 63 - The Alien<br />
File:SteampunkEw.png | 64 - Steampunk... ew.<br />
File:Elephants.png| 65 - But what do they DO with the elephants?<br />
File:TheBlackScribes.png| 66 - The Black Scribes<br />
File:Hacked.png | 67 - Holiday hacking.<br />
File:FuckSwitzerland.png| 68 - Fuck Switzerland<br />
File:FinalRewards.png| 69 - Final Reward<br />
File:Idea.png | 70 - Idea <br />
File:BoardingPlan.png | 71 - Boarding Plan<br />
File:TheStudyOfPain.png | 72 - The Study of Pain<br />
File:TheCourtOfTheAnceans.png | 73 - The Court of the Anceans<br />
File:FarmerCallahan.png | 74 - Farmer Callahan<br />
File:Watcher.png | 75 - The Akhaali<br />
File:PokerFace.png | 76 - Poker Face<br />
File:Kathy.png | 77 - Sheep-punching Kathy<br />
File:SwampSirens.png | 78 - Swamp Sirens<br />
File:TreasureHunters.png | 79 - Treasure Hunters<br />
File:SheepDragon.png | 80 - Sheep Dragon<br />
File:Landers.png | 81 - Landers<br />
File:Iam.png | 82 - Iam<br />
File:FEDEX.png | 83 - FEDEX<br />
File:WrithingRuin.png | 84 - The Writhing Ruin<br />
File:Expedition.png | 85 - Frozen Expedition<br />
File:ThroneOfWonders.png | 86 - The Throne of Wonders<br />
File:TheArtificier.png | 87 - The Artificier's Son<br />
File:LastFairytale.png | 88 - The Last Fairytale<br />
File:KingApocalypse.png | 89 - Apocalypse, King of all Worlds<br />
File:SongOfFire.png | 90 - A Song Of Fire<br />
File:EndOfTheWorld.png | 91 - The End Of The World<br />
File:RoboWaifu.jpg | 92 - Giant Robotic Waifu<br />
File:RobotGirl.png | 93 - Mecha Girl<br />
File:BuzzRD-Woodsman.png | 94 - Woodsman and the BuzzRD<br />
File:GreenKnight.png | 95 - The Green Knight (City of Light)<br />
File:StreetSamurai.png | 96 - The Street Samurai (City of Light)<br />
File:Serhos.png | 97 - Canticles of Serhos<br />
File:FunBuns.png | 98 - Funbuns<br />
File:Retirement.png | 99 - Archmage's Retirement<br />
File:DocTheta.png | 100 - Doc Theta vs. Binary Bill<br />
File:HaveADrinkWithMe.png | 101 - Have a drink with me.<br />
File:FlamesOfDesire.png | 102 - The Flames of Desire<br />
File:PieAngel.png | 103 - The Pie Angel<br />
File:JaggedTower.png | 104 - The Jagged Tower<br />
File:CueBall.png | 105 - Jim and the cue ball<br />
File:TheGreatTree.png | 106 - The Great Tree<br />
File:SandDragon.png | 107 - Taming Sand Dragons<br />
File:Colonists.png | 108 - Colonists<br />
File:HangingForest.png | 109 - The Hanging Forest<br />
File:ZombiesLive.png | 110 - Living As A Zombie<br />
File:TheCatWhoKnowsWhereItsAt.png| 111 - The Cat Who Knows Where It's At<br />
File:GlassAngel.png | 112 - Glass Angel<br />
File:TheGathering.png | 113 - The Gathering<br />
File:Just Ask Alice.png | 114 - Just Ask Alice<br />
File:StillPimpin'.png | 115 - Still Pimpin'<br />
File:Leviathan.png | 116 - Leviathan<br />
File:TheForest.png | 117 - The Forest<br />
File:Arise.png | 118 - Arise<br />
File:War.png | 119 - War<br />
File:APiratesDeath.png | 120 - A Pirate's Death For Me<br />
File:TheThirst.png | 121 - The Thirst<br />
File:DesertStatue.png | 122 - Secrets of the Sands (part 1)<br />
File:DesertStatue2.png | 123 - Secrets of the Sands (part 2)<br />
File:TheOldWay.png | 124 - The Old Way<br />
File:Worm.png | 125 - Worm<br />
File:WaterOfLife.png | 126 - Jungle Expedition<br />
File:Upgrades.png | 127 - Upgrades<br />
File:TheShade.png | 128 - The Shade<br />
File:TheOne.png | 129 - The One<br />
File:TheLifeAquatic.png | 130 - The Life Aquatic<br />
File:TheEye.png | 131 - The Eye<br />
File:TheBargain.png | 132 - The Bargain<br />
File:CentaurShooting.png | 133 - Centaur Shooting<br />
File:SerpentKing.png | 134 - Serpent King<br />
File:RomaVictoria.png | 135 - Roma Victoria<br />
File:Reaper.png | 136 - Reaper<br />
File:NotreDame.png | 137 - Notre Dame<br />
File:ModernWarfare.png | 138 - Modern Warfare<br />
File:Merde.png | 139 - Merde<br />
File:MartialArt.png | 140 - Martial Art<br />
File:David.png | 141 - David<br />
File:Labyrinth.png | 142 - Labyrinth<br />
File:XanTsiun.png | 143 - The Indescribable Xan Tsiun<br />
File:ImperialForest.png | 144 - The Imperial Forest<br />
File:GoodSoul.png | 145 - Good Souls<br />
File:Daemon.png | 146 - Elegant Gentleman<br />
File:BlueStone.png | 147 - Arcane Blue Stone<br />
File:VisionsoftheSeer.png | 148 - Visions of the Seer<br />
File:Biogel-Alpha-262.png | 149 - Biogel-Alpha-262<br />
File:AssisstedSuicide.png | 150 - Assisted Suicide<br />
File:Smoking.png | 151 - Smoking<br />
File:DeathInBlue.png | 152 - Death In Blue<br />
File:OctopusFairy.png | 153 - Octopus Fairy<br />
File:LordOfSerpents.png | 154 - Lord Of Serpents<br />
File:TheForge.png | 155 - The Forge<br />
File:TheManInBlack.png | 156 - The Man In Black<br />
File:Firebug.png | 157 - Firebug <br />
File:SirHilda.png | 158 - Sir Hilda<br />
File:ErminaVonStuppen.png | 159 - Ermina Von Stuppen<br />
File:HaldorTheViking.png | 160 - Haldor the Viking<br />
File:Corgi.png | 161 - The Corgi of Hope<br />
File:DOG.jpg | 162 - D.O.G.<br />
File:NeonAngel.jpg | 163 - Neon Angel<br />
File:FireGoddess.jpg|164 - The Fire Goddess<br />
File:HellWorms.png | 165 - Hell Worms<br />
File:Whaling.png | 166 - Whaling<br />
File:HansAndMaia.png | 167 - Hans and his dead wife<br />
File:MadameEschiere.png | 168 - Madame Eschiere<br />
File:Fishing.png | 169 - Fishing<br />
File:Tips...ohCrap,That'sNotAFedora.png | 170 - Coach Holdup<br />
File:TheDevil'sHand.png | 171 - The Devil's Hand<br />
File:Manila.png | 172 - Manila<br />
File:Saw.png | 173 - Saw<br />
File:CookieCult.png | 174 - Cookie Cult<br />
File:Indulgence.png | 175 - Indulgence<br />
File:EnemiesOfMan.png | 176 - Enemies of Man<br />
File:AThousandWords.png | 177 - A Thousand Words<br />
File:BitchesBeCrazy.png | 178 - Bitches be crazy<br />
File:TheWhiteAndTheBlack.png | 179 - The White And The Black<br />
File:AGrandGame.png | 180 - A Grand Game<br />
File:SoulSacrifice.png | 181 - Soul Sacrifice<br />
File:IlluminatedStatue.png | 182 - Illuminated Statue<br />
File:Temur'sSword.png | 183 - Temur's Sword<br />
File:DamagedGynoid.png | 184 - Damaged Gynoid<br />
File:Dentistry.png | 185 - Dentistry<br />
File:Savages.png | 186 - Savages<br />
File:Hornet.png | 187 - Hornet<br />
File:MonsterHunterNephropid.png | 188 - Monster Hunter: Nephropid<br />
File:PostapocalypticIcecream.png | 189 - Post-Apocalyptic Ice Cream<br />
File:Treant.png | 190 - Treant<br />
File:BurningBiker.png | 191 - Burning Biker<br />
File:T'Ela.png | 192 - T'Ela<br />
File:Bob-Taku.png | 193 - Bob/Taku<br />
File:SerialPsychologist.png | 194 - The Serial Psychologist<br />
File:FlameElemental.png | 195 - Flame Elemental<br />
File:TommyHayman.png | 196 - Tommy Hayman<br />
File:Witchcraft.png | 197 - Witchcraft<br />
File:FourHorsemen.png | 198 - Four Horsemen<br />
File:DesertExecution.png | 199 - Desert Execution<br />
File:NanofactDestroyMission.png | 200 - Nanofact search and destroy mission<br />
File:Drake&Frank.png | 201 - Drake & Frank<br />
File:TheFourthHorseman.png | 202 - The Fourth Horseman<br />
File:SoloSimulator.png | 203 - Solo Simulator<br />
File:Interrogation.png | 204 - Interrogation<br />
File:TheColonel.png | 205 - The Colonel<br />
File:Fairies.png | 206 - Fairies<br />
File:Where'sMaggie.png | 207 - Where's Maggie<br />
File:LeagueOfSmiles.png | 208 - The League of Smiles<br />
File:TheSiege.png | 209 - The Siege<br />
File:TollingBell.png | 210 - The Tolling Bell<br />
File:PostapocalypticSpider.png | 211 - Postapocalyptic Spider (See also: 189)<br />
File:Eden.png | 212 - Eden (City of Light. See also: 95, 96)<br />
File:HaroldAndTheNecromancer.png | 213 - Harold and the Necromancer<br />
File:Haven'sRun.png | 214 - The Guardian of Haven's Run<br />
File:BattleForTheRidge.png | 215 - Battle for the Ridge<br />
File:Baldrick.png | 216 - Baldrick<br />
File:BlockadeRunners.png | 217 - Blockade Runners<br />
File:MobBoss.png | 218 - Mob Boss<br />
File:KnightOfTheWreathedGun.png | 219 - Knight of the Wreathed Gun<br />
File:Famine.png | 220 - Famine<br />
File:War2.png | 221 - War<br />
File:Pestilence.png | 222 - Pestilence<br />
File:Death.png | 223 - Death<br />
File:YuhnAndErhul.png | 224 - Yuhn and Erhul<br />
File:Space-dad.png | 225 - Space-dad<br />
File:GodOfOrphans.png | 226 - God of Orphans<br />
File:HighAltDrop.png | 227 - High Altitude Drop<br />
File:SandGoddess.png | 228 - Mistress of the Sands (See also: 164)<br />
File:War'sInvitation.png | 229 - War's Invitation<br />
File:SchoolReunion.png | 230 - School Reunion<br />
File:Tesla'sTeeth.png | 231 - Tesla's Teeth<br />
File:TheHeist.png | 232 - The Heist<br />
File:TheDeciever.png | 233 - The Deceiver vs. The Oathbreaker<br />
File:IHaveNoIdea.png | 234 - Social Invisibility<br />
File:Faradians.png | 235 - Faradians<br />
File:MarsMistake.png | 236 - Mistake on Mars<br />
File:Tender.png | 237 - Tender<br />
File:Lady'sGuard.png | 238 - Lady's Guard<br />
File:Bokrug.png | 239 - Bokrug<br />
File:BanditAttack.png | 240 - Bandit Attack<br />
File:NowHiring.png | 241 - Now Hiring<br />
File:RosaAndTheGiant.png | 242 - Rosa and the Giant<br />
File:Vengeance.png | 243 - Vengeance<br />
File:GreyMan.png | 244 - Grey Man<br />
File:Krazavok.png | 245 - Krazavok<br />
File:Eidolon.png | 246 - Eidolon<br />
File:LoserVs.Shrimp.png | 247 - Loser vs. Shrimp<br />
File:MariaAndHerDemon.png | 248 - Maria, and her demon.<br />
File:SpaceWorldWar.png | 249 - Space World War<br />
File:DragonChild.png | 250 - Dragon Child<br />
File:GhostGirl.png | 251 - Ghost Girl<br />
File:Sphinx.png | 252 - Sphinx<br />
File:SlothCinema.png | 253 - Sloth Cinema<br />
File:ThreeGates.png | 254 - The Three Gates<br />
File:FranzDemetrius.png | 255 - Franz and Demetrius<br />
File:AirlockBreach.png | 256 - Airlock Breach<br />
File:FourHorsemenRevised.png | 257 - Four Horsemen (Revised, see 198 for previous version)<br />
File:Draconin.png | 258 - Draconin<br />
File:HaroldAndTheNecromancer-Revised.png | 259 - Harold and the Necromancer (Revised, see 213 for previous version)<br />
File:TheMatchmaker.png | 260 - The Matchmaker (See also: 228, 164)<br />
File:AndromedaIV.png | 261 - Andromeda IV<br />
File:TheBahlrin.png | 262 - The Bahlrin<br />
File:RaptorHunt.png | 263 - Raptor Hunt<br />
File:Alurna.png | 264 - Alurna<br />
File:ABrideScorned.png | 265 - A Bride Scorned<br />
File:MonaLisa.png | 266 - Mona Lisa<br />
File:RoseGarden.png | 267 - The Rose Garden<br />
File:RedDevil.png | 268 - The Red Devil<br />
File:RiteOfPassage.png | 269 - Rite of Passage<br />
File:BeachedMermaid.png | 270 - Beached Mermaid<br />
File:CentaurRace.png | 271 - Centaur Race<br />
File:Prosthetics.png | 272 - Prosthetics<br />
File:SirGreg,SlayerOfSeaBeasts.png | 273 - Sir Greg, Slayer Of Sea Beasts<br />
File:NomadBlizzard.png | 274 - Nomad in a Blizzard<br />
File:CrystalLevitation.png | 275 - Crystal Levitation<br />
File:DeltaGreen.png | 276 - Delta Green<br />
File:Beat.png | 277 - Beat<br />
File:VeloCity.png | 278 - Velo City<br />
File:CityOfClay.png | 279 - City of Clay<br />
File:RainChild.png | 280 - Rain Child<br />
File:ModellingWork.png | 281 - Modelling Work<br />
File:Number5.png | 282 - Number 5<br />
File:Hexxus.png | 283 - Hexxus<br />
File:FallenAngels.png | 284 - Fallen Angels<br />
File:TigerQueen.png | 285 - Tiger Queen<br />
File:MobHit.png | 286 - Mob Hit<br />
File:Kushana'sNuke.png | 287 - Kushana's Nuke<br />
File:GrandMasterSophie.png | 288 - Grand Master Sophie<br />
File:TheLawOfTheJungle.png | 289 - Law Of The Jungle<br />
File:Carcosa.png | 290 - Voyage to Carcosa (continued in 297)<br />
File:TheHunter.png | 291 - The Hunter<br />
File:1438975291142.jpg | 292 - Emelie<br />
File:Post-Human.png | 293 - Post-Human<br />
File:ThingInSpace.png | 294 - The Thing: In Space<br />
File:FearItself.png | 295 - Fear Itself<br />
File:FatherDaughter.png | 296 - Father-daughter time<br />
File:LostCarcosa.png | 297 - Lost Carcosa (continued from 290)<br />
File:BadWolf.png | 298 - Bad Wolf<br />
File:STALKER.png | 299 - STALKER<br />
File:Bloodweed.png | 300 - Bloodweed<br />
File:SubjectPi-rho.png | 301 - Subject Pi-Rho<br />
File:Star-knife.png | 302 - Star Knife<br />
File:LichOrb.png | 303 - Lich Orb<br />
File:Mutoids.png | 304 - Mutoids<br />
File:MageCouncil.png | 305 - Mage Council<br />
File:TheRuinOfCor-Aerad.png | 306 - The Ruin Of Cor-Aerad<br />
File:Bandits.png | 307 - Bandits<br />
File:SovietWalkers.png | 308 - Soviet Walkers<br />
File:Floraverda.png | 309 - Floraverda<br />
File:DodgeThis.png | 310 - Dodge This<br />
File:Witcher'sWords.png | 311 - Witcher's Words<br />
File:O'NielCylinder.png | 312 - O'Neil Cylinder<br />
File:VillageFool.png | 313 - Village Fool<br />
File:PrideOfTheKing'sNavy.png | 314 - Pride Of The King's Navy<br />
File:BronzeColossus.png | 315 - Bronze Colossus<br />
File:DreadLordRodney.png | 316 - Dread Lord Rodney<br />
File:ProhibitionGangsters.png | 317 - Prohibition Gangsters<br />
File:HelpMe.png | 318 - Help Me<br />
File:PrivateWojtek.png | 319 - Private Wojtek<br />
File:AgeOfDinosaurs.png | 320 - Age Of Dinosaurs<br />
File:LastMoments.png | 321 - Last Moments<br />
File:EyesOfAQueen.png | 322 - Eyes of a Queen<br />
File:IWannaBeLikeYou.png| 323 - I Wanna Be Like You<br />
File:Grief.png | 324 - Grief<br />
File:IBearWitness.png | 325 - I Bear Witness<br />
File:LostInTheSnow.png | 326 - Lost In The Snow<br />
File:PestControl.png | 327 - Pest Control<br />
File:BatmanVSSpaceShark.png | 328 - Batman vs. the Space Shark<br />
File:LeftAlone.png | 329 - Left Alone<br />
File:FirstImpressions.png | 330 - First Impressions<br />
File:DeepSleep3.png | 331 - The Deep Sleep (ver. 3; see also: 1)<br />
File:TheThree.png | 332 - The Three (see also: 164, 228, 260)<br />
File:Emperor-vs-OptimusPrime.png | 333 - The Emperor and Optimus Prime<br />
File:SpaceTrailerPark.png | 334 - Space Trailer Park<br />
File:OldBlackJohn.png | 335 - Old Black John<br />
File:Wizard'sQuest.png | 336 - A Wizard's Quest<br />
File:WeAreNotTakingTheWizard.png | 337 - We Are Not Taking The Wizard<br />
File:Iceman.png | 338 - Iceman<br />
File:YouAlwaysEndUpInTheSewers.png | 339 - Sewers<br />
File:UniqueInvestmentOpportunities.png | 340 - Unique Investment Opportunities<br />
File:SeanPrice,MonkeyBarz.png | 341 - Operation Monkey Barz<br />
File:We'reNotLeaving.png | 342 - Never Leaving<br />
File:Anubians.png | 343 - Anubians<br />
File:JendaAndAnaka.png | 344 - Jenda and Anaka<br />
File:BonzoGoesBoom.png | 345 - Bonzo Goes Boom<br />
File:LonelyGolem.png | 346 - Lonely Golem<br />
File:CabinInTheWoods.png | 347 - Cabin In The Woods<br />
File:Titan'sGift.png | 348 - Titan's Gift<br />
File:Redcap.png | 349 - Redcap<br />
File:TheFallOfMersoinne.png | 350 - The Fall Of Mersoinne<br />
File:ScarletPrincess.png | 351 - Scarlet Princess<br />
File:TheLady'sBlessing.png | 352 - The Lady's Blessing<br />
File:AlphaOne.png | 353 - Alpha One<br />
File:SirRichterAndThePrincess.png | 354 - Sir Richter And The Princess<br />
File:Mermaid.png | 355 Mermaid<br />
File:WitchHunter.png | 356 - Witch Hunter<br />
File:AngelsAndDaemons.png | 357 - Angels and Daemons<br />
File:ThisIsYourLife.png | 358 - This Is Your Life<br />
File:TheHeadmaster.png | 359 - The Headmaster<br />
File:WakeSeraphim.png | 360 - Wake, Seraphim<br />
File:TigerSpirit.png | 361 - Tiger Spirit<br />
File:LunarHunters.png | 362 - Lunar Hunters<br />
File:RIPAegis.png | 363 - Rest In Peace, Aegis<br />
File:MerMarriage.png | 364 - MerMarriage<br />
File:YourGuideToTheWasteland.png | 365 - Your Guide To The Wasteland (and all its horrors)<br />
File:Impaled.png | 366 - Impaled<br />
File:DragonHistories.png | 367 - Dragon Histories<br />
File:TheDragon'sDen.png | 368 - The Dragon's Den<br />
File:EXPLORE.png | 369 - EXPLORE<br />
File:SewersCanBeFun.png | 370 - Sewers Can Be Fun<br />
File:VaultWaking.png | 371 - Vault Waking<br />
File:ColonyProblems.png | 372 - Colony Problems<br />
File:TheLastOfTheGods.png | 373 - The Last Of The Gods<br />
File:TreasureHunter.png | 374 - Treasure Hunter<br />
File:Lawyer'sDeath.png | 375 - Lawyer's Death<br />
File:BlackWidows.png | 376 - Black Widows<br />
File:Aliens.png | 377 - Aliens<br />
File:DeathToTheDead.png | 378 - Death to the Dead<br />
File:MakingDragons.png | 379 - Making Dragons<br />
File:MoonPresident.png | 380 - Moon President<br />
File:BigGameHunting.png | 381 - Big Game Hunting<br />
File:WrathOfTheStormKing.png | 382 - Wrath of the Storm King<br />
File:TheBeacon.png | 383 - The Beacon<br />
File:AdvisorPrime.png | 384 - Advisor Prime<br />
File:DesperateMeasures.png | 385 - Desperate Measures<br />
File:PsychiatristSummoning.png | 386 - Psychiatrist Summoning<br />
File:HomePlane.png | 387 - Home Plane<br />
File:TheBookThatReadsYou.png | 388 - The Book That Reads You<br />
File:HauntedHouse.png | 389 - Haunted House<br />
File:FirePrincess.png | 390 - Fire Princess<br />
File:MurderInvestigation.png | 391 - Murder Investigation<br />
File:GiantRoboticWaifu.png | 392 - Giant Robotic Waifu 2: Military Boogaloo (See 92)<br />
File:SonsOfShe.png | 393 - Sons Of She<br />
File:ScenesFromBohemia.png | 394 - Bohemian Rhapsody<br />
File:TheWitchAndTheWolf.png | 395 - The Witch And The Wolf<br />
File:Suoma.png | 396 - Suoma<br />
File:PrincessDragon.png | 397 - Princess, Dragon, and Bride<br />
File:Roaches.png | 398 - Roaches<br />
File:Vostok.png | 399 - Vostok<br />
File:DragonHunter.png | 400 - Dragon Hunter<br />
File:TheCity.png | 401 - The City<br />
File:GrimReaper.png | 402 - Grim Reaper<br />
File:HalloweenPoem.png | 403 - A Poem For Halloween<br />
File:TygerTyger.png | 404 - Tyger Tyger<br />
File:SpacePirates.png | 405 - Space Pirates<br />
File:Destiny.png | 406 - Destiny<br />
File:WatchingTheWorldBurn.png | 407 - Watching the world burn<br />
File:Temple Raiding - A Guide.png | 408 - Temple Raiding: A Guide<br />
File:CyberpunkProstitute.png | 409 - Cyberpunk Prostitute<br />
File:TheIncursion.png | 410 - The Incursion<br />
File:GiantSpiderbro.png | 411 - Giant Albino Spider<br />
File:TheJudgementOfFragor.png | 412 - The Judgement Of Fragor<br />
File:RevengePoem.png | 413 - Revenge Poem<br />
File:BloodyNut.png | 414 - The Bloody Nut<br />
File:TheKindnessOfButchers.png | 415 - The Kindness Of Butchers<br />
File:Princess'Guard.png | 416 - Princess' Guard<br />
File:DarthSamurai.png | 417 - Sith Samurai<br />
File:NightwalkerPrincess.png | 418 - Nightwalker Princess<br />
File:DerFischFuhrer.png | 419 - Der Fisch Fuhrer<br />
File:RubyAndCherie.png | 420 - Ruby And Cherie<br />
File:AnotherBohemianRhapsody.png | 421 - Another Bohemian Rhapsody<br />
File:WaterCoolerTalk.png | 422 - Water Cooler Talk<br />
File:OtakuNotOnTheBeach.png | 423 - Otaku Not On The Beach<br />
File:LordOfTheWood.png | 424 - Lord Of The Wood<br />
File:MercenaryWork.png | 425 - Mercenary Work<br />
File:AnotherDayInTheInterventionForces.png | 426 - Another Day In The Intervention Forces<br />
File:TheMidnightHour.png | 427 - The Midnight Hour<br />
File:USWC.png | 428 - United States Witch Corps<br />
File:FairyApprentice.png | 429 - Fairy Apprentice<br />
File:UnivitedGuest.png | 430 - Uninvited Guest<br />
File:SoulMates.png | 431 - Soul Mates<br />
File:LostFairy.png | 432 - Lost Fairy<br />
File:LabourOfLove.png | 433 - Labour of Love<br />
File:Bedtime.png | 434 - Bedtime<br />
File:RobotAndReligion.png | 435 - Robot And Religion<br />
File:AtlasTech.png | 436 - Atlas Tech<br />
File:ElinReturnsHome.png | 437 - Elin Returns Home<br />
File:EllieAndTheSword.png | 438 - Ellie and the sword<br />
File:TheWayTheWorldEnded.png | 439 - The Way The World Ended<br />
File:SakiAndTheMermaid.png | 440 - Saki and the Mermaid<br />
File:BeautyAndTheBloodiedBeast.png | 441 - Beauty And The Bloodied Beast<br />
File:ProjectSpartan.png | 442 - Project Spartan ''or'' Postapocalyptic Rescue (see also: 189, 211)<br />
File:MixedParty.png | 443 - Mixed Party<br />
File:SkeletonFather.png | 444 - Skeleton Father<br />
File:WizardOfGains.png | 445 - Wizard Of Gains<br />
File:RobotHunter.png | 446 - Robot Hunter<br />
File:SakiAndTheMermaid-part2.png | 447 - Saki and the Mermaid, part 2 (see also: 440)<br />
File:ReleasingTheBoneKing.png | 448 - Releasing the Bone King<br />
File:MaxChambersCourier.png | 449 - Max Chambers: Courier<br />
File:MarkOfTheBoneKing.png | 450 - Mark Of the Bone King (see: 448)<br />
File:MaxMeetsDreadPirateRoberts.png | 451 - Max Meets Dread Pirate Roberts<br />
File:DeepUnderWater.png | 452 - Deep Under Water<br />
File:TheThiefAndTheBoy.png | 453 - Anna's Boy<br />
File:DoomSlayer.png | 454 - Doom Slayer<br />
File:WitchHuntress.png | 455 - Witch Huntress<br />
File:TiredToTheBone.png | 456 - Tired to the Bone<br />
File:DinosaurKing.png | 457 - Dinosaur King<br />
File:SpiderWizard.png | 458 - Spider Wizard<br />
File:Cooking.png | 459 - Ork Cooking<br />
File:Rodrick.png | 460 - Rodrick<br />
File:SpaceshipSalvage.png | 461 - Spaceship Salvage<br />
File:WarStories.png | 462 - War Stories<br />
File:TheStrayCompany.png | 463 - The Stray Company<br />
File:MagicMarket.png | 464 - Magic Market<br />
File:CoronationOfTheFive.png | 465 - The Coronation of the Five<br />
File:MixedParty-part2.png | 466 - Mixed Party, part 2 (see: 443)<br />
File:VeteranBarman.png | 467 - Veteran Barman<br />
File:Crusaderess.png | 468 - Lucia the Crusader<br />
File:NecroPartner.png | 469 - Necro Partner<br />
File:Biggey'sNapTime.png | 470 - Biggey's nap time<br />
File:TheOutsider.png | 471 - The Outsider<br />
File:TheBurningMen.png | 472 - The Burning Men<br />
File:TheTrialsOfChivalry.png | 473 - The Trials of Chivalry<br />
File:FairyProblems.png | 474 - Fairy Problems<br />
File:ForestLove.png | 475 - Love of the Forest<br />
File:DWFP.png | 476 - Death, War, Famine and Plague<br />
File:DeathMarch.png | 477 - Death March<br />
File:AIPracticalJoke.png | 478 - AI practical joke<br />
File:RetiredBattlemage.png | 479 - Retired Battlemage<br />
File:VanHelsingInternational.png | 480 - Van Helsing International<br />
File:RainaHarrietParanormalInvestigator.png | 481 - Raina Harriet: Paranormal Investigator<br />
File:FighterVsWizard.png | 482 - Fighter vs. Wizard<br />
File:VolturVolansTheatre.png | 483 - Voltur Volans Theatre<br />
File:MetaGaming.png | 484 - Meta Gaming<br />
File:AnotherDayInGainesborough.png | 485 - Another Day In Gainesborough (see also: 481)<br />
File:SavingALife.png | 486 - Saving A Life<br />
File:TheTotingTyrannosaurus.png | 487 - The Toting Tyrannsaurus<br />
File:ForWantOfANail.png | 488 - For Want of a Nail<br />
File:TheDeclarationOfSurrendependence.png | 489 - The Declaration Of Surrendependence<br />
File:SwatRaid.png | 490 - Swat Raid<br />
File:LesbianVampireBait.png | 491 - Lesbian Vampire Bait<br />
File:ScionOfWar.png | 492 - Scion Of War<br />
File:LavaGolem.png | 493 - Lava Golem<br />
File:HalfOrcRomance.png | 494 - Half Orc Romance<br />
File:SpaceCruiserAttack.png | 495 - Space Cruiser Attack<br />
File:TheDragon'sTravels.png | 496 - The Dragon's Travels<br />
File:CityLife.png | 497 - City Life<br />
File:ElfThiefAndPaladin.png | 498 - Elf Thief and Paladin<br />
File:WalkerBetweenWorlds.png | 499 - Walker Between Worlds (see also: 481, 485)<br />
File:BeachElf.png | 500 - Beach Elf <br />
File:AkamatsuHall.png| 501 - Akamatsu Hall [[https://1d4chan.org/images/2/2e/AkamatsuHall.png]]<br />
File:AdventureInTheMistwoods.png | 502 - Adventure In The Mistwoods [[https://1d4chan.org/images/0/04/AdventureInTheMistwoods.png]]<br />
File:TraitorToTheCrown.png | 503 - Traitor to the Crown<br />
File:RedTide.png | 504 - Red Tide<br />
File:FrogKnight.png | 505 - Frog Knight<br />
File:CityOfLights.png | 506 - City Of Lights<br />
File:Unautonomous.png | 507 - Unautonomous<br />
File:SingToTheForest.png | 508 - Sing To The Forest<br />
File:YouWantDeathWithThat.png | 509 - You Want Death With That?<br />
File:GoblinsAndBeserker.png | 510 - Goblins and Berserker<br />
File:TheFireRises.png | 511 - The Fire Rises <br />
File:OperationSpiderLust.png | 512 - Operation Spider Lust [[https://1d4chan.org/images/e/ea/OperationSpiderLust.png]]<br />
File:RedWall.png | 513 - Red Wall<br />
File:EnchantedSwordDiscoveredByLocalBoy.png | 514 - Enchanted Sword Discovered By Local Boy<br />
File:XenomorphTale.png | 515 Xenomorph Tale<br />
File:GoldenSun.png | 516 - Golden Sun<br />
File:WendigoStory.png | 517 - Wendigo<br />
File:FestivalOfFloatingLanterns.png | 518 - Festival Of Floating Lanterns<br />
File:SaintOfNails.png | 519 - Saint of Nails<br />
File:Millfix'sMagicShop.png | 520 - Millfix's Magic Shop<br />
File:MidnightKai.png | 521 - Midnight Kai<br />
File:ArthurTheMadNecromancer.png | 522 - Professor Arthur<br />
File:AHacksterIsBorn.png | 523 - A Hackster is Born<br />
File:AHacksterIsBorn.png | 524 - A Hackster is Born<br />
File:DressToImpress.png | 525 - Dress to Impress<br />
File:SchoolgirlHazmat.png | 526 - Hazmat Schoolgirl<br />
File:AistraphChambers.png | 527 - Aistraph Chambers<br />
File:TheWhiteScarf.png | 528 - The White Scarf [[https://1d4chan.org/images/5/5b/TheWhiteScarf.png]]<br />
File:RoughLanding.png | 529 - Rough Landing<br />
File:CreationStory.png | 530 - Creation Story<br />
File:TheAristocrats.png | 531 - The Aristocrats<br />
File:EternityTogether.png | 532 - Eternity Together<br />
File:Fallen.png | 533 - Fallen<br />
File:TheSacrificeOfTarogg.png | 534 - The Sacrifice of Tarogg<br />
File:KnightsOfOrder.png | 535 - Knights of Order<br />
File:SpaceshipSurvivor.png | 536 - Spaceship Survivor<br />
File:MonsterSlayer.png | 537 - Monster Slayer<br />
File:TimeTravellingNazi.png | 538 - Time Travelling Nazi<br />
File:AirshipCrewman.png | 539 - Airship Crewman<br />
File:Richardson-AemarisFamily.png | 540 - The Richardson-Aemaris Family [[https://1d4chan.org/images/f/fc/Richardson-AemarisFamily.png]]<br />
File:VampireGirl.png | 541 - The Vampire Girl<br />
File:GlyphKnight.png | 542 - Glyph Knight<br />
File:Aliro-WizardOutOfTime.png | 543 - Aliro: Wizard Out Of Time<br />
File:Maya'sAdventure.png | 544 - Maya's Adventure<br />
File:Iode.png | 545 - Iode<br />
File:ArmouredCombat.png | 546 - Armoured Combat <br />
File:Sci-Tech.png | 547 - Sci-Tech Labs<br />
File:BeautifulBountyHunters.png | 548 - Beautiful Bounty Hunters<br />
File:TheBellTollsOnTheLake.png | 549 - The Bell Tolls On The Lake<br />
File:ThroneIsLife.png | 550 - The Throne is Life<br />
File:Monstergirl.png | 551 - Monstergirl<br />
File:GreatWizardMalroyHasABadDay.png | 552 - Great Wizard Malroy Has A Bad Day<br />
File:TheHunt.png | 553 - The Hunt<br />
File:IriuResurrection.png | 554 - The Resurrection of the Iriu<br />
File:DragonSummoning.png | 555 - Dragon Summoning<br />
File:HaloForerunners.png | 556 - Halo Forerunners<br />
File:GoblinAttack.png | 557 - Goblin Attack [[https://1d4chan.org/images/1/19/GoblinAttack.png]]<br />
File:RomanSlavery.png | 558 - Roman Slavery<br />
File:TheOntologist'sFolly.png | 559 - The Ontologist's Folly<br />
File:TheHeisters.png | 560 - The Heisters<br />
File:SogurdTheMildInconveniencer.png | 561 - Sogurd The Mild Inconveniencer<br />
File:KidSolicitsAHooker.png | 562 - Kid Solicits A Hooker<br />
File:PerfectDay.png | 563 - Perfect Day<br />
File:Tiefling Mistress.png | 564 - Tiefling Mistress<br />
File:Einstein'sBridge.png | 565 - Einstein's Bridge<br />
File:ForumOfQuartecian.png | 566 - Forum of Quartecian<br />
File:KindnessRevisited.png | 567 - Kindness Revisited<br />
File:WhiteFleur.png | 568 - The Cult Of The White Fleur [[https://1d4chan.org/images/a/af/WhiteFleur.png]]<br />
File:KingsCycle.png | 569 - The Cycle of Kings<br />
File:TheRingIWasGoingToProposeWith.png | 570 - The Ring I Was Going To Propose With<br />
File:DerelictSentientShip.png | 571 - Derelict Sentient Ship<br />
File:TheWriter.png | 572 - The Writer<br />
File:TheGirlInTheDarkRoom.png | 573 - Meeting Aya<br />
File:MachineMen.png | 574 - Machine Men<br />
File:KrakenWife.png | 575 - Kraken Wife<br />
File:BedtimeStories.png | 576 - Bedtime Stories<br />
File:SummoningAGod.png | 577 - Summoning A God<br />
File:SlowMoParkour.png | 578 - Slow-mo Parkour<br />
File:Demonium.png | 579 - Demonium (see also: 528)<br />
File:Wolf Girl.png | 580 - Wolf Girl<br />
File:TheSpiritOfAutumn.png | 581 - The Spirit of Autumn<br />
File:CultInvestigator.png | 582 - Cult Investigator<br />
File:IncubusPilot.png | 583 - Incubus Pilot<br />
File:AstridsMiningYears.png | 584 - Astrid's Mining Years<br />
File:BicycleChase.png | 585 - Bicycle Chase<br />
File:TheLetterOfGolgoth.png | 586 - The Letter of Golgoth<br />
File:SarlocTheEverflame.png | 587 - Sarloc the Everflame<br />
File:DiscoveringTheElves.png | 588 - Discovering the Elves<br />
File:Lessons.png | 589 - Lessons (see also: 489)<br />
File:CycleOfAges.png | 590 - The Cycle of Ages<br />
File:GuardianAngel.png | 591 - Guardian Angel<br />
File:NoWitnesses.png | 592 - No Witnesses<br />
File:Twincest.png | 593 - Gemini Rising<br />
File:DiaryOfAnElvenWaiter.png | 594 - Diary of an Elven Waiter<br />
File:DoorToDoor.png | 595 - Door To Door<br />
File:ShimaneDiaries.png | 596 - Shimane Diaries<br />
File:CatPersonRant.png | 597 - Cat Person Rant<br />
File:HellOfAFirstDate.png | 598 - Hell Of A First Date<br />
File:MeetingAya-Chapter2.png | 599 - Meeting Aya, Chapter 2 (see also: 573)<br />
File:ArcticExpedition.png | 600 - Arctic Expedition<br />
File:Gnoll-TaintedElf.png | 601 - Gnoll-Tainted Elf<br />
File:OrionSalutation.png | 602 - The Orion Salutation<br />
File:BuiltWithLove.png | 603 - Built With Love<br />
File:FurtherEducation.png | 604 - Further Education (see also: 589) [[https://1d4chan.org/images/6/60/FurtherEducation.png]]<br />
File:Skeleton'sHeart.png | 605 - Skeleton's Heart<br />
File:StayOnTopic.png | 606 - Stay On Topic<br />
File:MothPriest.png | 607 - Moth Priest<br />
File:CardboardArmour.png | 608 - Cardboard Armour<br />
File:DreamingOfStupidThings.png | 609 - Dreaming of Stupid Things: Confession<br />
File:SisterAndBrother.png | 610 - Sister and Brother<br />
File:Moebot.png | 611 - Moebot<br />
File:TheVoiceOfTheRing.png | 612 - The Voice Of The Ring<br />
File:YorrickTakesADay.png | 613 - Yorrick Takes A Day (see also: 481, 485, 499)<br />
File:Friendship A Trois.png | 614 - Friendship A Trois<br />
File:VigilanteCatboy.png | 615 - Vigilante Catboy (see also: 528)<br />
File:PirateWarlock.png | 616 - Pirate Warlock<br />
File:HellgateOfCorresia.png | 617 - Hellgate of Corresia<br />
File:DeadSoldiers.png | 618 - Dead Soldiers<br />
File:You'reYourOnlyMasterNow.png | 619 - You're your only master now<br />
File:WinterAngel.png | 620 - Winter Angel<br />
File:Spooked.png | 621 - Spooked<br />
File:TheTragedyOfKingAssur.png | 622 - The Tragedy of King Assur<br />
File:WarEngineTimeTravel.png | 623 - Time Travelling War Engine<br />
File:CagliariIncident.png | 624 - The Cagliari Incident<br />
File:Twin Refugees.png | 625 - Twin Refugees (see also: 593, 489)<br />
File:ShenronTheWishDragon.png | 626 - Shenron The Wish Dragon<br />
File:WarforgedConsortiumMember.png | 627 - Warforged Consortium Member<br />
File:DragonLifespan.png | 628 - Dragon's Lifespan<br />
File:ForestFay.png | 629 - Forest Fay<br />
File:WeAreSoLost.png | 630 - We are so lost<br />
File:CommandToLive.png | 631 - Command To Live<br />
File:Half-ElfCrush.png | 632 - Half-elf Crush<br />
File:Selene'sTale.png | 633 - Seline's Tale (see also: 580)<br />
File:Thri-KreenRomantica.png | 634 - Thri-Kreen Romantica<br />
File:ExpertAssassins.png | 635 - Expert Assassins<br />
File:Wizards-NoSenseOfRightAndWrong.png | 636 - Wizards - No Sense Of Right And Wrong<br />
File:FamilyHoliday.png | 637 - Family Holiday<br />
File:PetDragon.png | 638 - Pet Dragon<br />
File:DivineScion.png | 639 - Divine Scion<br />
File:IfBobRossWereGod.png | 640 - If Bob Ross were God<br />
File:ElvenRomance.png | 641 - Elven Romance<br />
File:LootingSpaceship.png | 642 - Looting A Spaceship<br />
File:ChurchOfTheLastNail.png | 643 - The Church Of The Last Nail<br />
File:Yui'sSecretProfession.png | 644 - Yui's Secret Job<br />
File:TheDevilAndHisBride.png | 645 - The Devil And His Bride<br />
File:LamiaLover.png | 646 - Lamia Lover<br />
File:OrphanWizardAndBarmaid.png | 647 - The Orphan Wizard and the Barmaid<br />
File:NoLongerALamb.png | 648 - No Longer A Lamb<br />
File:Necromancer'sPath.png | 649 - The Necromancer's Path<br />
File:ZeppelinPilotAndSkyWhales.png | 650 - Zeppelin Pilot and Sky-Whales<br />
File:PoliceColonel.png | 651 - A Day In The Life Of A Police Colonel<br />
File:PauperPrincess.png | 652 - Pauper Princess<br />
File:LandOfCloudAndMists.png | 653 - Land of Cloud And Mists [[https://1d4chan.org/images/3/39/LandOfCloudAndMists.png]] (see also: 489)<br />
File:GhostOfCursedLake.png | 654 - Ghost Of Cursed Lake<br />
File:TheEmploymentOfShelbyStubbes.png | 655 - The Employment Of Shelby Stubbes<br />
File:GiantHumanRomance.png | 656 - Giant-Human Romance<br />
File:Elf-humanRelationship.png | 657 - Elf-Human Relationship<br />
File:TooMuchElfLove.png | 658 - Too Much Elf Love<br />
File:SadasakosEternity.png | 659 - Sadasako's Eternity (see also: 526)<br />
File:AgentHellcat.png | 660 - Agent Hellcat<br />
File:Succubus.png | 661 - Succubus<br />
File:MarleyKarlsson-ConfessionsOfAThief.png | 662 - Marley Karlsson - Confessions of a Thief<br />
File:SuccubusSummoning.png | 663 - Succubus Summoning<br />
File:After-workParty.png | 664 - After-work Party<br />
File:BeginningsOfSpaceTravel.png | 665 - Beginnings of Space Travel<br />
File:OsloTheDragonSlayer.png | 666 - Oslo the Dragon Slayer<br />
File:RobotBarmaid.png | 667 - Robot Barmaid<br />
File:TheGoldenTongue.png | 668 - The Golden Tongue<br />
File:NeverShallTheTwinsMeet.png | 669 - Never Shall The Twins Meet<br />
File:CheatingADragon.png | 670 - Cheating a Dragon<br />
File:TheReturnOfMagic.png | 671 - The Return of Magic<br />
File:IronAngel.png | 672 - Iron Angel<br />
File:AmazonLove.png | 673 - Amazon Love<br />
File:WizardSchool.png | 674 - Wizard School<br />
File:FriendlyMonster.png | 675 - Friendly Monster<br />
File:SeatOfTheCrown.png | 676 - Seat of the Crown<br />
File:MischkaTheWingedDeath.png | 677 - Mischka The Winged Death<br />
File:UndeadSoldier.png | 678 - Undead Soldier<br />
File:EmpireOfEberstein.png | 679 - Empire of Eberstein<br />
File:TrannyPhantom2.png | 680 - Tranny Phantom<br />
File:Paladin'sCrusade.png | 681 - Paladin's Crusade<br />
File:FairyThieves.png | 682 - Fairy Thieves<br />
File:LamiaSpa.png | 683 - Lamia Spa Day<br />
File:DryderStories.png | 684 - Dryder Stories<br />
File:TheSentinel.png | 685 - The Sentinel<br />
File:OctopusLove.png | 686 - Octopus Love<br />
File:BeeGirl2.png | 687 - Bee Girl<br />
File:DriveHome.png | 689 - Drive Home<br />
File:StairsToNowhere.png | 688 - Stairs to Nowhere<br />
File:SlendermanWithAJob.png | 690 - Slenderman With A Job<br />
File:LeshyHorns.png | 691 - Leshy Horns<br />
File:MaidWars.png | 692 - Maid Wars<br />
File:VampireHistory.png | 693 - Vampire History<br />
File:Flight.png | 694 - Flight<br />
File:MamaNil.png | 695 - Mama Nil<br />
File:TheLastCleric.png | 696 - The Last Cleric<br />
File:BoneReaper.png | 697 - Bone Reaper<br />
File:SidewalkProphet.png | 698 - Sidewalk Prophet<br />
File:ThreeAdventurersAndADog.png | 699 - Three Adventurers And A Dog<br />
File:ForestGod.png | 700 - Forest God [[https://1d4chan.org/images/b/bf/ForestGod.png]]<br />
File:LadyKnight.png| 701 - Lady Knight<br />
File:BadScience.png | 702 - Bad Science<br />
File:BrideOfDeath.png | 703 - Bride of Death<br />
File:ChildOfFireAndFrost.png | 704 - Child of Fire and Frost [[https://1d4chan.org/images/8/86/ChildOfFireAndFrost.png]]<br />
File:CriticalFailure.png | 705 - Critical Failure<br />
File:ElfParoleOfficer.png | 706 - Elf Parole Officer<br />
File:GreatBallsOfFire-WizardEdition-.png | 707 - Great Balls of Fire: Wizard Edition<br />
File:ElfHumanLoveStory.png | 708 - Elf-Human Love<br />
File:SaintAndDragon.png | 709 - Saint and Dragon<br />
File:TribalWarfare.png | 710 - Tribal Warfare [[https://1d4chan.org/images/2/2d/TribalWarfare.png]]<br />
File:RomanDragon.png | 711 - Roman Dragon<br />
File:TheFog.png | 712 - The Fog<br />
File:TheGirlFromBlackLagoon.png | 713 - The Girl From The Black Lagoon [[https://1d4chan.org/images/4/41/TheGirlFromBlackLagoon.png]]<br />
File:CosmicShadowSpawnGirlfriend.png | 714 - Shadowspawn Girlfriend<br />
File:RedInquisitor.png | 715 - Red Inquisitor<br />
File:AgentHellkitty.png | 716 - Agent Hellkitty<br />
File:ChildhoodHome.png | 717 - Childhood Home<br />
File:Reptilians.png | 718 - Reptilian Infiltrators<br />
File:That'sShowbusiness.png | 719 - That's Showbusiness<br />
File:ClimacticDuel.png | 720 - Climactic Duel<br />
File:WildHunt.png | 721 - Wild Hunt<br />
File:WellSomebodyHadToLoveLovecraft.png | 722 - Well Somebody Had To Love Lovecraft<br />
File:TrophyTruck.png | 723 - Trophy Truck<br />
File:BlackguardsGuild.png | 724 - The Blackguards' Guild<br />
File:DragonPresent.png | 725 - Dragon Present<br />
File:SecretsOfTheMortalCoil.png | 726 - Secrets of the Mortal Coil<br />
File:AshDesert.png | 727 - Ash Desert<br />
File:Disembodiment.png | 728 - Disembodiment<br />
File:TwinTrouble.png | 729 - Twin Trouble<br />
File:BusinessOfWar.png | 730 - The Business of War<br />
File:TrailerParkFairy.png | 731 - Trailer Park Fae<br />
File:GarudaTemple.png | 732 - Garuda Temple<br />
File:BlindExecutioner.png | 733 - The Blind Executioner<br />
File:FleshMonster.png | 734 - Flesh Monster<br />
File:Centaur.png | 735 - Centaur<br />
File:ReleasingTentacleGod.png | 736 - Releasing A Tentacle God<br />
File:DeadExplorer.png | 737 - Dead Cosmic Explorer<br />
File:TwinLove.png | 738 - Twin Love<br />
File:SistersSown.png | 739 - Sisters Sewn<br />
File:IceMage.png | 740 - Ice Mage<br />
File:Lizardmen.png | 741 - Lizardmen<br />
File:HellCows.png | 742 - Hell Cows<br />
File:AMouthfulOfMagic.png | 743 - A Mouthful Of Magic<br />
File:SarahSmiles.png | 744 - Sarah Smiles<br />
File:SaveTheDragons.png | 745 - Save the Dragons<br />
File:VisionsOfStrahl.png | 746 - Visions of Strahl<br />
File:ReturnOfGolaris.png | 747 - The Return of Golaris (see also: 32) <br />
File:Patrolling.png | 748 - On Patrolling<br />
File:SisterSaint.png | 749 - Sister Saint<br />
File:AnOfferingForLadyNemera.png | 750 - An Offering for Lady Nemera<br />
File:WreckHunter.png | 751 - Wreck Hunter<br />
File:TheFarmerAndTheFighter.png | 752 - The Farmer and the Fighter<br />
File:CapturedBySirEel.png | 753 - Captured By Sir Eel<br />
File:ChurchOfRebirth.png | 754 - The Burch of Rebirth<br />
File:FirstbornFlame.png | 755 - Firstborn Flame<br />
File:HalflingKnight.png | 756 - Halfling Knight<br />
File:Hellmouth.png | 757 - Hellmouth<br />
File:RescueMission.png | 758 - Rescue Mission (see also: 753)<br />
File:SnowColossus.png | 759 - Snow Colossus<br />
File:HuntersInTheMist.png | 760 - Hunters in the Mist<br />
File:EyesInTheWoods.png | 761 - Eyes in the Woods<br />
File:NazisVsGiantCrab.png | 762 - Nazis Vs Giant Crab Monster<br />
File:DarkSeason.png | 763 - Dark Season<br />
File:Valiant.png | 764 - Valiant<br />
File:DoctorsOfIzzma.png | 765 - The Doctors of Izzma<br />
File:TempleRaid.png | 766 - Orc Temple Raid<br />
File:Hellborn.png | 767 - Hellborn<br />
File:UnholySacrifice.png | 768 - Unholy Sacrifice<br />
File:CityOfTheDead.png | 769 - City Of The Dead<br />
File:AdalardAndTheRusalka-ExtendedAndEdited.png | 770 - Adelard and the Rusalka<br />
File:JuvenileFireMage.png | 771 - Juvenile Fire Mage<br />
File:KnightPriestAndSamovila.png | 772 - The Knight, The Priest And The Samovila<br />
File:InternationalArcade.png | 773 - The International Arcade<br />
File:MechHunt.png | 774 - Mech Hunt<br />
File:DragonSonnet.png | 775 - Dragon Sonnet<br />
File:BurialAtCee.png | 776 - Burial At Cee<br />
File:StormGod'sMountain.png | 777 - The Storm God's Mountain<br />
File:Glowfairy.png | 778 - Glowfairy<br />
File:SuitableSuitor.png | 779 - A Suitable Suitor for Xiang<br />
File:CuckoldedLobster.png | 780 - Cuckolded Lobster<br />
File:PixieSnacks.png | 781 - Pixie Snacks<br />
File:SuitableSuitor-part2.png | 782 - A Suitable Suitor for Xiang, part 2 (see: no. 780) [[https://1d4chan.org/images/4/4f/SuitableSuitor-part2.png]]<br />
File:PaladinsHope.png | 783 - A Paladin's Hope [[https://1d4chan.org/images/0/07/PaladinsHope.png]]<br />
File:LastDance.png | 784 - Last Dance<br />
File:OceanEmbryoHunt.png | 785 - Ocean Embryo Hunt<br />
File:Bloodlines.png | 786 - Bloodlines<br />
File:MorningAfter.png | 787 - The Morning After<br />
File:DragonkinVsSerpent.png | 788 - Dragonkin vs. Serpent<br />
File:ElfSmut.png | 789 - Elf Smut<br />
File:FifteenYears.png | 790 - Fifteen Years<br />
File:PeepingTom.png | 791 - Peeping Tom<br />
File:RedWitch'sSanctum.png | 792 - Red Witch's Sanctum<br />
File:Wyrmkiller.png | 793 - Wyrmkiller<br />
File:ThePaleWitchOfPasergard-part1.png | 794 - The Pale Witch of Pasergard (chapters 1 - 3) [[https://1d4chan.org/images/b/ba/ThePaleWitchOfPasergard-part1.png]]<br />
File:ThePaleWitchOfPasergard-part2.png | 795 - The Pale Witch of Pasergard (chapters 4 - 6) [[https://1d4chan.org/images/8/81/ThePaleWitchOfPasergard-part2.png]]<br />
File:ThePaleWitchOfPasergard-part3.png | 796 - The Pale Witch of Pasergard (chapters 7 - 8) [[https://1d4chan.org/images/8/80/ThePaleWitchOfPasergard-part3.png]]<br />
File:ThePaleWitchOfPasergard-part4.png | 797 - The Pale Witch of Pasergard (chapter 9) [[https://1d4chan.org/images/f/f8/ThePaleWitchOfPasergard-part4.png]]<br />
File:Hermit'sMagicalCave.png | 798 - The Magic of the Hermit's Cave<br />
File:Bristlehide'sEnd.png | 799 - Bristlehide's End<br />
File:GhostlyTreasure.png | 800 - Ghostly Treasure<br />
File:SavingSanta.png | 801 - Saving Santa<br />
File:SeaTurtle.png | 802 - Sea Turtle [[https://1d4chan.org/images/5/52/SeaTurtle.png]]<br />
File:SkullOfMadness.png | 803 - Skull of Madness<br />
File:PathToYandalai.png | 804 - The Path To Yandalai<br />
File:TheDescent.png | 805 - The Descent<br />
File:ChildrenOfTheStars.png | 806 - Children of the Stars<br />
File:InTheShadows.png | 807 - In the Shadows<br />
File:LonelyTower.png | 808 - Lonely Tower<br />
File:CityOfTheAir.png | 809 - City of the Air<br />
File:BladeOfAvalon.png | 810 - Blade of Avalon<br />
File:MonstrousSiege.png | 811 - Monstrous Siege<br />
File:MagicOfTheAncients.png | 812 - Magic of the Ancients<br />
File:Engine181.png | 813 - Engine 181<br />
File:OrcGirl.png | 814 - Orc Girl<br />
File:IceBlue.png | 815 - Ice Blue<br />
File:CarefreeSonAndWildsWife.png | 816 - Carefree Son and Wilds' Wife<br />
File:InsectileDarkElf.png | 817 - Insectile Dark Elf<br />
File:BritishSpaceEmpire.png | 818 - British Space Empire<br />
File:MysteriousMonument.png | 819 - Mysterious Monument<br />
File:CardCheat.png | 820 - Card Cheat<br />
File:MaeliGodOfDeath.png | 821 - Maeli God of Death<br />
File:ArmouredExplorers.png | 822 - Armoured Explorers<br />
File:LichResearch.png | 823 - Lich Research<br />
File:PirateOasis.png | 824 - Pirate Oasis<br />
File:GhostlyPianist.png | 825 - Ghostly Pianist<br />
File:StrangeEncounter.png | 826 - A Strange Encounter<br />
File:LordOfIron.png | 827 - Lord Of Iron<br />
File:PoisonedTomb.png | 828 - Poisoned Tomb<br />
File:PhilippineFantasy.png | 829 - Philippines Fantasy <br />
File:OnTheRun-Updated.png | 830 - On The Run<br />
File:TheRedStagSong.png | 831 - The Red Stag Song<br />
File:TheTragedyOfTheDrow.png | 832 - The Tragedy of the Drow<br />
File:Aswang.png | 833 - The Aswang (see also: 829)<br />
File:TheTreeMaidenAndTheBeekeeper.png | 834 - The Tree Maiden and the Beekeeper [[https://1d4chan.org/images/f/f9/TheTreeMaidenAndTheBeekeeper.png]]<br />
File:RevenantProtector.png | 835 - Revenant Protector<br />
File:SilverBullets.png | 836 - Silver Bullets<br />
File:ApexPredator.png | 837 - Apex Predator<br />
File:Post-ApocalypseMonk.png | 838 - Post-Apocalyptic Monk<br />
File:BattleOfTheObsidianGate.png | 839 - The Battle of the Obsidian Gate<br />
File:Water.png | 840 - Water<br />
File:DarkMatron.png | 841 - Dark Matron<br />
File:DinosaurSafariPark.png | 842 - Dinosaur Safari Park<br />
File:NoProm.png | 843 - No Prom (see also non-picture section: 134, 137, 138, 143, etc, ect.)<br />
File:GraubundenIncident.png | 844 - The Graubunden Incident<br />
File:BerninaIncident.png | 845 - The Bernina Incident (another version of 844)<br />
File:PirateHunters.png | 846 - Pirate Hunters <br />
File:OathOfBlood.png | 847 - Oath of Blood<br />
File:BodySnatchers.png | 848 - Body Snatchers<br />
File:WarriorCaste.png | 849 - Warrior Caste<br />
File:Bodyguard.png | 850 - Bodyguard<br />
File:Kivinaisia-Chapter1.png | 851 - Kivinaisia, Chapter 1<br />
File:BlackTentacles.png | 852 - Black Tentacles <br />
File:LibertyPrimeDiscoversNanakochan.png | 853 - Liberty Prime Discovers Nanakochan<br />
File:Mona'sGoodbye.png | 854 - Mona's Goodbye<br />
File:RoadEnds.png | 855 - The Road Ends<br />
File:Wizard'sTest.png | 856 - A Wizard's Test<br />
File:TheHarbinger.png | 857 - The Harbinger<br />
File:YoungWitch.png | 858 - A Young Witch<br />
File:StormsRoar.png | 859 - Storm's Roar<br />
File:AModestNecromancer.png | 860 - A Modest Necromancer<br />
File:HisWatchNeverEnded.png | 861 - His Watch Never Ended<br />
File:ImprisonedYuanTi.png | 862 - Imprisoned Yuan-ti<br />
File:PigeonGirl.png | 863 - Pigeon Girl<br />
File:KaravaThukanaChapterOne.png | 864 - Karava Thukana (Chapter 1)<br />
File:SeaGoddessCurse.png | 865 - Curse of the Sea Goddess<br />
File:TemulanTheMighty.png | 866 - Temulan The Mighty<br />
File:FasterThanFast.png | 867 - Faster Than Fast<br />
File:SorrowfulPanda.png | 868 - Sorrowful Panda<br />
File:SacrificeForRain.png | 869 - Sacrifice for Rain<br />
File:AceOfAces.png | 870 - Ace of Aces<br />
File:AHomeAcrossTheSea.png | 871 - A Home Across The Sea<br />
File:DamagedIdol.png | 872 - Damaged Idol<br />
File:MoonMissionApocalypse.png | 873 - Moon Mission Apocalypse<br />
File:Ch'ulPakal.png | 874 - Ch'ul Pakal<br />
File:Snowfall.png | 875 - Snowfall<br />
File:3rdLegion.png | 876 - 3rd Legion<br />
File:Wizard'sCottage.png | 877 - The Wizard's Cottage<br />
File:Oblation-Captive.png | 878 - Oblation & Captive<br />
File:FateWeaver.png | 879 - Fate Weaver<br />
File:QuestToSlayABeast.png | 880 - A Quest To Slay A Very Dangerous Beast<br />
File:ElfHomecoming.png | 881 - Elf Homecoming<br />
File:EngineersMission.png | 882 - Engineer's Mission<br />
File:InTheDreamlands.png | 883 - In The Dreamlands<br />
File:VampireVsWerewolf.png | 884 - Vampire Vs. Werewolf<br />
File:ForestObelisk.png | 885 - Forest Obelisk<br />
File:AlienMonolith.png | 886 - Alien Monolith<br />
File:ARoomAMindAUniverse.png | 887 - A Room, A Mind, A Universe<br />
File:ShapeshifterThrone.png | 888 - A Throne For A Travelling Shapeshifter<br />
File:ImmortalityIsHell.png | 889 - Immortality Is Hell<br />
File:LightningGod.png | 890 - Lightning God <br />
File:BalloonFuneral.png | 891 - Balloon Funeral<br />
File:CreationOfTheDragonborn.png | 892 - Creation of the Dragonborn<br />
File:Anti-AlienResistance.png | 893 - Anti-Alien Resistance<br />
File:HiddenWorldsOfNeoSedalia.png | 894 - Hidden Worlds of Neo Sedalia<br />
File:GuardiansInvestigatingSirvank.png | 895 - Guardians Investigating Sirvank Village<br />
File:Yearnrose.png | 896 - Yearnrose<br />
File:PolishGun.png | 897 - Polish Gun<br />
File:DuelOfWizards.png | 898 - Duel of Wizards<br />
File:TheEqualizer.png | 899 - The Equalizer<br />
File:ElfRescue.png | 900 - Elf Rescue<br />
File:SchlossGrenzen.png | 901 - Schloss Grenzen [[https://1d4chan.org/images/7/79/SchlossGrenzen.png]]<br />
File:AHero'sDeath.png | 902 - A Hero's Death<br />
File:ChineseMotorcycle.png | 903 - Cyberpunk Motorcycle Chase<br />
File:UnderTheLightOfASilverMoon.png | 904 - Under the Light of a Silver Moon<br />
File:MagicalSnowman.png | 905 - Magical Snowman [[https://1d4chan.org/images/0/0f/MagicalSnowman.png]]<br />
File:ChristianSamurai.png | 906 - Christian Samurai [[https://1d4chan.org/images/1/17/ChristianSamurai.png]]<br />
File:Rainforest.png | 907 - Alien Rainforest<br />
File:DealWithTheDevil.png | 908 - A Deal With A Devil<br />
File:FutureShock.png | 909 - Future Shock<br />
File:Contemplation.png | 910 - Contemplation<br />
File:TheEnd.png | 911 - The End<br />
File:Wolfhydra.png | 912 - Wolfhydra<br />
File:AirshipPirates.png | 913 - Airship Pirates<br />
File:IraeAndTheDawnstone.png | 914 - Irae and the Dawnstone <br />
File:UnholyPriest.png | 915 - Unholy Priest<br />
File:TrackingDownAnElf.png | 916 - Tracking Down an Elf<br />
File:ThoroldTheSoleSurvivor.png | 917 - Thorold the Sole Survivor<br />
File:GloryBe.png | 918 - Glory Be<br />
File:FairySword.png | 919 - Fairy Sword<br />
File:SnowHunt.png | 920 - Snow Hunt<br />
File:UndergroundCyberneticsLab.png | 921 - Illegal Cybernetics Lab<br />
File:DragonCreationStory.png | 922 - Dragon Creation Story<br />
File:FairyMuse.png | 923 - Fairy Muse<br />
File:HomeOfTheInfected.png | 924 - Home Of The Infected<br />
File:RavenLawyer.png | 925 - Raven Lawyer<br />
File:NecromancerAndAngel.png | 926 - The Necromancer and the Angel<br />
File:MoonsOverCraxis.png | 927 - The Moons Over Craxis<br />
File:AtFirstSight.png | 928 - At First Sight<br />
File:BattleAftermath.png | 929 - Battle Aftermath<br />
File:DefendingMotherRussia.png | 930 - Defending Mother Russia<br />
File:KillTheGirlSaveTheWorld.png | 931 - Kill The Girl, Save The World<br />
File:ConquestAndTheMiserKing.png | 932 - Conquest and the Miser King<br />
File:KatarinaTheWitchHunter.png | 933 - Katarina The Witch Hunter<br />
File:AllosaurPack.png | 934 - Allosaur Pack<br />
File:GregoryAndTheHashNabauk.png | 935 - Gregory and the Hash Nabauk<br />
File:ElectricitySpider.png | 936 - Electricity Spider<br />
File:AlienCop.png | 937 - Alien Cop<br />
File:DealWithADemonette.png | 938 - Deal With A Demonette<br />
File:EmbersbendCastleV2.png | 939 - Embersbend Castle<br />
File:HorrorOfTheSky.png | 940 - The Horror Of The Sky<br />
File:KetrasBetrayal.png | 941 - Ketra's Betrayal<br />
File:WarrenBattle.png | 942 - The Battle Of The Warrens<br />
File:CursedFood.png | 943 - Cursed Food<br />
File:UndergroundCity.png | 944 - Underground City<br />
File:WhereDragonsComeFrom.png | 945 - Where Dragons Come From<br />
File:SkeletonWarrior.png | 946 - Skeleton Warrior<br />
File:LandOfTheGiants.png | 947 - Land Of The Giants<br />
File:Entity'sJourney.png | 948 - Entity's Journey<br />
File:MegacityChristians.png | 949 - Megacity Christians<br />
File:PostApocalypticPadre.png | 950 - Postapocalyptic Padre<br />
File:AbandonedCity.png | 951 - Abandoned City<br />
File:DeadIsland.png | 952 - Dead Island<br />
File:WerewolfDaemon.png | 953 - Werewolf Daemon<br />
File:VoicesInTheRain.png | 954 - Voices In The Rain<br />
File:MergirlMonster.png | 955 - Mergirl Monster<br />
File:FamiliarTroll.png | 956 - Familiar Troll<br />
File:CyborgWakingUp.png | 957 - Cyborg Waking Up<br />
File:KjellesGift.png | 958 - Kjelles Gift<br />
File:TheJudicantAwakens.png | 959 - The Judicant Awakens<br />
File:1606565595824.jpg | ---><br />
File:HunterWW1.pdf | 960 - Hunter<br />
File:ForeverDeathless.png | 961 - Forever Deathless<br />
File:1606755665627.jpg | ---><br />
File:TheBasilisk.pdf | 962 - The Basilisk<br />
File:ElfPriestessForestDragon.png | 963 - Elf Priestess Summons A Forest Dragon<br />
File:FlowersForAGiantRobot.png | 964 - Flowers For A Giant Robot<br />
File:NewGuy.png | 965 - New Guy<br />
File:RusticGetaway.png | 966 - A Rustic Getaway<br />
File:Kingmaker.pdf | 967 - Kingmaker<br />
File:SirIfred'sHeart.png | 968 - Sir Ifred's Heart<br />
File:ChristmasElves.png | 969 - Christmas Elves<br />
File:UndeadTeacher.png | 970 - Undead Teacher<br />
File:BabylonMotherOfHarlots.png | 971 - Babylon, Mother of Harlots<br />
File:RoadToSapphireCity.png | 972 - The Road To Sapphire City<br />
File:Boatman.png | 973 - The Boatman<br />
File:SwordOfPreuss.png | 974 - The Sword Of Preuss<br />
File:Anti-SlaverPirates.png | 975 - Anti-Slaver Pirates<br />
File:AshesAndSand.png | 976 - Ashes and Sand<br />
File:RebelDaemon.png | 977 - Rebel Daemon<br />
File:TheEND.png | 978 - The E.N.D.<br />
File:LulusStudies.pdf | 979 - Lulu's Studies<br />
File:TheGreatReunionMountainHike.pdf | 980 - The Great Reunion Mountain Hike<br />
File:BaudelaireInHell.png | 981 - Baudelaire In Hell<br />
File:PrincessExecution.png | 982 - Princess Execution<br />
File:WerewolfProtector.png | 983 - Werewolf Protector<br />
File:FolieAPlusieurs.png | 984 - Folie A Plusieurs<br />
File:ArtAssassin.png | 985 - Art Assassin<br />
File:ModernRomance.png | 986 - Modern Romance<br />
File:SandAtTheEndOfTheWorld.png | 987 - Sand At The End Of The World<br />
File:PBandJ.png | 988 - PB&J<br />
File:WhiteBalls.png | 989 - White Balls<br />
File:PonyRides.png | 990 - Pony Rides<br />
File:PowerBalls.png | 991 - Power Balls<br />
File:TreeKnight.png | 992 - Tree Knight<br />
File:BottledKnives.png | 993 - Bottled Knives<br />
File:Goatman'sLair.png | 994 - Goatman's Lair<br />
File:LiveAmmunition.png | 995 - Live Ammunition<br />
File:AbandonedDoll.png | 996 - Abandoned Doll<br />
File:HouseByTheSea.png | 997 - House By The Sea<br />
File:EyesOfTheTitan.png | 998 - Eyes Of The Titan<br />
File:ExplorerOfTheOldWorld.png | 999 - Explorer Archaeologist<br />
File:OrcGreatness.png | 1000 - Orc Greatness<br />
File:SonnetForADarkLady.png | 1001 - Sonnet For A Dark Lady<br />
File:TheSnowman2-JudgementDay.pdf | 1002 - The Snowman 2: Judgement Day (see also: 905)<br />
File:CyberpunkMarket.png | 1003 - Cyberpunk Market<br />
File:NightBombardment.png | 1004 - Night Bombardment <br />
File:SisterOfAndraste.png | 1005 - Sister Of Andraste <br />
File:DangerousWoman.png | 1006 - A Dangerous Woman<br />
File:DwarfChildrensBook.png | 1007 - Dwarven Children's Book<br />
File:DangerousEden.png | 1008 - Dangerous Eden<br />
File:SheWolf.png | 1009 - She Wolf<br />
File:SnowHags.png | 1010 - Snow Hags<br />
File:LifeMachine.png | 1011 - Life Machine<br />
File:NoMoreCaptchas.png | 1012 - No More Captchas<br />
File:PirateTreasure.png | 1013 - Pirate Treasure<br />
File:WitchesShoppe.png | 1014 - Witches Shoppe<br />
File:Fishmonger.pdf | 1015 - Fishmonger<br />
File:JustMen.png | 1016 - Just Men<br />
File:ForTheCause.png | 1017 - For The Cause<br />
File:FacilityCompromised.png | 1018 - Facility Compromised<br />
File:GunmaidsInvestigateAMurder.png | 1019 - Gun-Maids Investigate A Murder<br />
File:SpaceGarbage.png | 1020 - Space Garbage<br />
File:BrittlesInRuins.png | 1021 - Brittles In Ruins<br />
File:Cosmonaut'sTomb.png | 1022 - Cosmonaut's Tomb<br />
File:OldMechpilot.png | 1023 - Old Mech Pilot<br />
File:Pulse.png | 1024 - Pulse<br />
File:RoadToTakshapur.png | 1025 - The Road To Takshapur<br />
File:LittleIshen.png | 1026 - Little Ishen<br />
File:MusicallyGifted.png | 1027 - Musically Gifted<br />
<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
<br />
A lot of pics only get a few lines written about them. Many of them are still well worth reading, but are too short to stand on their own. Instead of creating individual images for every single one, it's easier to store them in collages.<br />
<br />
<gallery><br />
File:Misc.png | Miscellaneous 1 - Tsar's Army, Republic of Infinite Sky, Bone Towers, Stars<br />
File:Misc2.1.png | Miscellaneous 2, part 1 - Seeing, New Food, Bones, Boy Knight, Corn Mother<br />
File:Misc2.2.1.png | Miscellaneous 2, part 2 - Star Gazer, Queen of the Feathered Folk, Court of the last Tsar, Children's End, Walk the Dream<br />
File:Misc3.png | Miscellaneous 3 - Hatching, Dimensional Neighbourhood, Bard and Thief, Final Fantasy, On the Road With A Skeleton, Riding with Death and the Devil, Unacceptable Working Conditions, Aliens Arrive, Rotten Luck, B4RRY<br />
File:Misc4.png | Miscellaneous 4 - Battlefield Daemon, Shark Beastmen, Loyal Robot, Underwater Trap, Bot Charity, Father of Serpents, Crab Monkey, Outer Realms<br />
File:Misc5.png | Miscellaneous 5 - Intelligence Gathering, Balancer-of-Scales, Hug, Daddy/daughter, Nylus, Hanging Trees, Space Nazis<br />
File:Misc6.png | Miscellaneous 6 - Flying Kick!, Ornate King, THOOM, Wizard+Alcohol=Bad, The Return, Engineer<br />
File:Misc7.png | Miscellaneous 7 - Honouring the Dead, Shadow Realm, The End, Flammenwerfer, Good Times, Flame Spitter, Drost, Uncle Rick, Dick in my Ass, Harrald <br />
File:Misc8.png | Miscellaneous 8 - Kings Parade, White Marshals, Titanfall, Code Blue, The Shards<br />
File:Misc9.png | Miscellaneous 9 - The General, One Man Army, Afterlife, Stealth, Scouting, Grief, Green Fields, Knight in Shining Armour<br />
File:Misc10.png | Miscellaneous 10 - Dragon's Submission, Voyren, The Crows, Messenger of Valhall, Last Promise<br />
File:Misc11.png | Miscellaneous 11 - Master Cheshire, Spooky Skellies, Rattle-rattle, Suicide Bomber<br />
File:Misc12.png | Miscellaneous 12 - Napoleon's T-rex, Dwarf Hunter, Gods of War, Plastic Stares, Hotbox, Beauty<br />
File:Misc13.png | Miscellaneous 13 - Huntergroup, Katie's Death, Metal Scorpion, Refugees, Ragnar the Barbarian<br />
File:Misc14.png | Miscellaneous 14 - Sea Forts, Light House, Camera Pigeon, The Flood, Centaur Soldier, RoboRomance <br />
File:Misc15.png | Miscellaneous 15 - Internal Combustion Engine, People of the Sun, Helmet vs. Giant, Curse of the Lich, Dead Gods<br />
File:Misc16.png | Miscellaneous 16 - Function, Temple Of Heroes, Futuristic Office, Hugh Mann, Mira and her Snakes, Undead Highwayman<br />
File:Misc17.png | Miscellaneous 17 - Sir Lyon's Daughter, Hrlorxu, Common Knights, Whale Wrestling, Rasputin<br />
File:Misc18.png | Miscellaneous 18 - Neo-Soviets, Jundori Dance, Chromatic Snake, Emperor Vitarius, The Twisted Tree <br />
File:Misc19.png | Miscellaneous 19 - Sacrifice, Techno Reaper, Fire Titan, Fae, Fuck Somacorp, Nova York<br />
File:Misc20.png | Miscellaneous 20 - Guardians of the Gate, 4 Winged Bat-Dragon, Grand Basilisk, The Anvil<br />
File:Misc21.png | Miscellaneous 21 - Gun Sheep, Bo Peep, Robo-repair, Bunny Rabbit, Homelessness, Worm Friend, Dead Reaching Out<br />
File:Misc22.png | Miscellaneous 22 - Vanessa, Android Girl, Gods vs. Daemons, Boss Shrimp<br />
File:Misc23.png | Miscellaneous 23 - Scout Yik, Throne of the Damned, Light Dance, Predator Death, Consume<br />
File:Misc24.png | Miscellaneous 24 - Jur, Prince Erule, Tilras, Cyborg Churchill, Sir Valen, Johnny the Pianist, Dead Music<br />
File:Misc25.png | Miscellaneous 25 - The Measure Of Man, Rug, Bat King, Arms Deal, Farewell<br />
File:Misc26.png | Miscellaneous 26 - Snowy Forest, Forest Spirit, Norr, Purge, Monument, Trista<br />
File:Misc27.png | Miscellaneous 27 - Oceans Rise, Michael's Mask, Hoplites, Virtual Space, Job Interview, Jenny The Tech<br />
File:Misc28.png | Miscellaneous 28 - Troll Tea Party, Talking Cat, Saragael and Remiel, Trans-humans, Big Bad Wolf<br />
File:Misc29.png | Miscellaneous 29 - Blackbird, Mercenaries of Ocorr, Boris the lazy wizard, Super-Swimmer, Rhineagle<br />
File:Misc30.png | Miscellaneous 30 - Chompers, Beautiful Death, Cleaner, Toadgon, The Heap, Drummer, Shuttle<br />
File:Misc31.png | Miscellaneous 31 - Rlyeh, Cyber Criminals, Six Shooter, Knight Academy, Check This Out<br />
File:Misc32.png | Miscellaneous 32 - Psychedelic Cybotaur, Cyst, Shaggy Dog, King of the Mountain, Study Buddy, The Harlequin Of Doom<br />
File:Misc33.png | Miscellaneous 33 - Suicide Prevention, El Diablo, Goo Girl, Rookie, Rathiel<br />
File:Misc34.png | Miscellaneous 34 - Pumpkins, Sibling Rivalry, Fifty Bones, Goddess<br />
File:Misc35.png | Miscellaneous 35 - Warrior Angel, Weed, Freak Hunters, Fairy, Ballpit Shark, Dead Wood Hands<br />
File:Misc36.png | Miscellaneous 36 - Death and Cats, Fire Walkers, Dragon Hunting, Angel Of War, Knight In Gold, Crypt, Rising Waters<br />
File:Misc37.png | Miscellaneous 37 - Fairy Lookout, The Application of Violence, Aqua Giant, Khamel, Charon, Hunting Sonofabitches<br />
File:Misc38.png | Miscellaneous 38 - Slaanesh Patrol, Kids vs. Zombies, Sherlock, ODYSSEUS, Child Of The Heroes, Deliverance, Forest Monsters<br />
File:Misc39.png | Miscellaneous 39 - Here Lady Severe, Armor of Giants, Day Ripper, Altan Golem, Gloab, Brotherly Love<br />
File:Misc40.png | Miscellaneous 40 - Shut up Korvic, Jet Launch, Purifiers, The Earth And The Sky, Bad Guy, Blanket Fae<br />
File:Misc41.png | Miscellaneous 41 - Mermaids, Airship Makers, Monstergirl Zoo, Wake Up, Musician Blues, Moe Shark, Aliens <br />
File:Misc42.png | Miscellaneous 42 - U'Od, All Will See, Pew Pew Pew, Bear Warrior, You Can Read Him Like A Book, The Forest Of Reason, Astral Forge, Kornites <br />
File:Misc43.png | Miscellaneous 43 - Good Intentions, Ari, The Jian<br />
File:Misc44.png | Miscellaneous 44 - Knight Of The Forest, The Hanging Forest, Alone In Space, Wren's Revenge, Albino Boxing Girl, Withered Knight, The Birds<br />
File:Misc45.png | Miscellaneous 45 - Go West, The Creation Of Magic, The Fight, Sacred Smackdown, Dance Mistress, Superior Beings, Loss Prevention<br />
File:Misc46.png | Miscellaneous 46 - Fire Keeper, James' Journey, Her Majesty's Huntsman, Red Morning, Sleeping Giant, Aerwyn, Puzzle Box, Big Fat Cigar, Ant Babies<br />
File:Misc47.png | Miscellaneous 47 - Begone Foul Creature, Messages In The Night, Hello Do You Have A Moment, A kid and a hooker, War Staves 101, Dying Emperor, Lost Magic<br />
File:Misc48.png | Miscellaneous 48 - Pest Control, The Sea, The Wall, Solar Blood, Where Your Father Walks, Blood Speaks, Did I Ever Tell You...<br />
File:Misc49.png | Miscellaneous 49 - Rule 21, Wolf Hunting, Challenge the Beast King, Love and Death, Red Maroon, Spider Lessons, Intelligence Gathering<br />
File:Misc50.png | Miscellaneous 50 - Tiger Cavalry, Angry About Aliens, Rebecca and Rebecca, Father's Men, Smash Club, For Dixie, Cobalt<br />
File:Misc51.png | Miscellaneous 51 - Bad Nun, Identity Crisis, Stained Glass, Martian Rebellion, Virtual Reality, City Of Oak, Pretty Zombie, Sasha and the Hellspawn<br />
File:Misc52.png | Miscellaneous 52 - Zaka: Sand Lord of the Cosmos, Demon of the Deeps, The Great Scrap Fleet, Signal Lost, Buried Sins<br />
File:Misc53.png | Miscellaneous 53 - Suffering For Art, Corny Man, Fairy Gun, Musn't Wake the Baby, Feed Me, A Quick Death, Lord Of Mercy<br />
File:Misc54.png | Miscellaneous 54 - The Staffwoman, An Angel Appears, The Tower of Tradition, Random Encounter, Annoying Fairy, Fratricide, The Market<br />
File:Misc55.png | Miscellaneous 55 - Bother, The Twins From Nowhere, Mount and Blade, Panem the Fabulous, Trevor And The Woman, Last One Out, Gold Smuggling, Welcome to the Institute<br />
File:Misc56.png | Miscellaneous 56 - Tentacles, D&D Rugby, End It, Treasure Dragon, The Replacement, Shakespearean Monkey<br />
File:Misc57.png | Miscellaneous 57 - Stargazer, Tribal Elves, Deus Vult, A Little Haunted, The Deliverer, Red And Dead Wolf Head<br />
File:Misc58.png | Miscellaneous 58 - In Shining Armour, Fully Equipped, Fireborn, Refugee, Communicating With Shadows, Bao The Ventriloquist<br />
File:Misc59.png | Miscellaneous 59 - Gargantuans, Meeting the NPCs, Camera Crusade, Ugly Fairies, First Kiss, Gas Mask<br />
File:Misc60.png | Miscellaneous 60 - Temple Sacrifice, Your Guide To The Wasteland: Dwarves, Undead Bar, Giant Woman Lover, Cat Vigilante, An Easy Choice, Iron Cavalry<br />
File:Misc61.png | Miscellaneous 61 - Witch Burning, Golden Herald, Red Or Blue, Skeleton Soldier, GCC Shutdown, Johny Witch<br />
File:Misc62.png | Miscellaneous 62 - VR porn, Shipping Out, Bloop, Divine Mission, The Fluffy Red Line<br />
File:Misc63.png | Miscellaneous 63 - Apocalypse Returns, Mind Melting, Queen of Eagles, Vigilante Biker, Bear Hunter<br />
File:Misc64.png | Miscellaneous 64 - Sea Gods, Flame Bargain, Coding, Starbucks, Chaos Spirits<br />
File:Misc65.png | Miscellaneous 65 - Sleep Paralysis, Troc Knows Many Things, Daemon Cave, Reminder/Helpful Titan<br />
File:Vignettes.png | Vignettes<br />
File:ThreeStoriesAboutMonsterKids.png | Three Short Stories About Monster Kids<br />
File:ThreeShortPoems.png | Three Short Poems<br />
File:DempseyCollection.png | A Collection From The Author Known As Dempsey<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
<br />
Some stories fit into more traditionally /tg/ themes: <br />
<br />
Warhammer related:<br />
<gallery><br />
File:TheBoltPistol.png | 1 - The Bolt Pistol<br />
File:InspektorkGadjit.png | 2 - Inspektork Gadjit<br />
File:Gundam-hammer.png | 3 - Sergeant Ronah of the Knights of Zeon<br />
File:ShiningFinger.png | 4 - Shining Finger<br />
File:BlackLocks.png | 5 - Black Locks<br />
File:CompletelyNormalServoSkull.png | 6 - Completely Normal Servo Skull<br />
File:WitchForest.png | 7 - The Witch Forest<br />
File:EldarSoulStone.png | 8 - Eldar Soul Stone<br />
File:TheTrader.png | 9 - The Trader<br />
File:Warhammer43k.png | 10 - Warhammer 43k<br />
File:Warhammer43k-Vulkan.png | 11 - Warhammer 43k, Vulkan<br />
File:Warhammer43k-TheDeathOfArisiel.png | 12 - The Death of Arisiel<br />
File:Warhammer43k-Corax.png | 13 - Corax<br />
File:Warhammer43k-BattleForRustagrim.png | 14 -<br />
File:Warhammer43k-LemanRuss.png | 15 -<br />
File:Warhammer43k-LiveDieRepeat.png | 16 -<br />
File:Warhammer43k-FallenAngel.png | 17 -<br />
File:Warhammer43k-DamoclesCordon.png | 18 -<br />
File:Warhammer43k-Magnus.png | 19 -<br />
File:AssaultOnLesserHadryion.png | 20 -<br />
File:M43 - Fulgrim'sPennance.png | 21 -<br />
File:M43 - VictoryOnLesserHadryion.png | 22 - <br />
File:M43 - TheFinalDeception.png | 23 -<br />
File:M43-GuillimanAwakens-DebriefingOfTolmEsh.png | 24 -<br />
File:M43-CouncilAtTembor.png | 25 - <br />
File:M43-TheHunt.png | 26 - <br />
File:M43-PurifyingFire,UnyieldingSteel.png | 27 - <br />
File:VoidFalcons.png | 28 - Void Falcons <br />
File:CommissarImperial.png | 29 - Commissar Imperial (to the tune of Gilbert and Sullivan's 'Major General's song')<br />
File:Lupea.png | 30 - For The Blood God<br />
File:NathalaToAnnaleth.png | 31 - Nathala to Annaleth<br />
File:ThunderousKraken.png | 32 - Thunderous Kraken<br />
File:MenOfThe89th-Chapter6.png | 33 - Men of the 89th<br />
File:Bugeyez.png | 34 - Bugeyez<br />
File:HeWoke.png | 35 - He Woke<br />
File:The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium - Bjorn's Holiday.png | 36 - The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium - Bjorn's Holiday<br />
File:The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium - The Eldar.png | 37 - The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium - The Eldar<br />
File:The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium - Home.png | 38 - The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium - Home<br />
File:The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium - Once Every Year.png | 39 - The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium - Once Every Year<br />
File:The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium - Big Red Man.png | 40 - The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium - Big Red Man<br />
File:30kChristmas.png | 41 - A 30k Christmas song<br />
File:LetterToSanguinius.png | 42 - Letter to Sanguinius<br />
File:A Visit From Logan Grimnar.png | 43 - A Visit From Logan Grimnar<br />
File:PenalLegion.png | 44 - Penal Legion<br />
File:KaptainGold-Teef.png | 45 - Kaptin Gold-Teef<br />
File:Jailbreak.png | 46 - Jailbreak<br />
File:Jailbreak-part2.png | 47 - Jailbreak (cont.)<br />
File:TheEmperorProtects.png | 48 - Sanctioned Psyker<br />
File:TheEmpyrean.png | 49 - The Empyrean<br />
File:WarhammerIndAmbassadors-part1.png | 50 - Ambassadors of Ind, part 1<br />
File:WarhammerIndAmbassadors-part2.png | 51 - Ambassadors of Ind, part 2<br />
File:DaemonWorld.png | 54 - Daemon World<br />
File:ImperialNavy.png | 53 - Imperial Navy<br />
File:HumansAmongTheEldar-part1.png | 54 - Humans among the Eldar, part 1<br />
File:HumansAmongTheEldar-part2.png | 55 - Humans among the Eldar, part 1<br />
File:EldarSister.png | 56 - Eldar Sororitas<br />
File:AngronEldar.png | 57 - Angron and the Eldar<br />
File:SendingAMessage.png | 58 - Sending a Message<br />
File:Nopteth.png | 59 - Sole Survivor<br />
File:Warhammer-WarcraftCrossover, part 1.png | 60 - Warhammer/Warcraft crossover, part 1<br />
File:Warhammer-WarcraftCrossover, part 2.png | 61 - Warhammer/Warcraft crossover, part 2<br />
File:Warhammer-WarcraftCrossover, part 3.png | 62 - Warhammer/Warcraft crossover, part 3<br />
File:J-deck.png | 63 - J-Deck<br />
File:SoundOfChaos.png | 64 - The Sound Of Chaos<br />
File:ReplyOfTheVostroyanHussars.png | 65 - Reply Of The Vostroyan Hussars<br />
File:EldarExarch.png | 66 - Eldar Exarch<br />
File:BattleFleetGothic.png | 67 - Battlefleet Gothic<br />
File:TheLastYear.png | 68 - The Last Year<br />
File:PainAndSilence.png | 69 - She Is Pain And Silence<br />
File:Her Smile.png | 70- Her_Smile<br />
File:AngelsOfDeath.png | 71 - Angels of Death<br />
File:FarseerAndBoy.png | 72 - To Catch a Predator: Eldar /ss/<br />
File:LastStand.png | 73 - Last Stand<br />
File:BattleOFQuenelles.png | 74 - The Battle of Quenelles: Prelude<br />
File:EldarAndBoy.png | 75 - Farseer foster child<br />
File:ScrapCollector.png | 76 Scrap Collector<br />
File:ToCatchAPredatorSororitas.png | 77 - To Catch a Predator: Sororitas /ss/<br />
File:EldarHunt.png | 78 - Eldar Hunt<br />
File:GuardsmanMeetsEldar.png | 79 - Guardsman meets Eldar<br />
File:40kJointOps-Chapter1.png | 80 - Joint Ops: Chapter 1<br />
File:40kJointOps-Chapter2.png | 81 - Joint Ops: Chapter 2<br />
File:MarinesMalevolentAdMech.png | 82 - Marines Malevolent<br />
File:HardCandy.png | 83 - Hard Candy<br />
File:SkavenAssassin1.png | 84 - Skaven Assassin - part 1<br />
File:SkavenAssassin2.png | 85 - Skaven Assassin - part 2<br />
File:SkavenAssassin3.png | 86 - Skaven Assassin - part 3<br />
File:Foresight.png | 87 - Foresight<br />
File:MotherMagos.png | 88 - Mother Magos<br />
File:TwoMenAndAnAlien.png | 89 - Two men and an alien walk into a bar...<br />
File:EldarAndTheImperialGuard.png | 90 - Eldar and the Imperial Guard<br />
File:AGuardsmansDeath.png | 91 - A Guardsman's Death<br />
File:AmbassadorToTheEldar.png | 92 - Ambassador to the Eldar<br />
File:ThePacificationOfEstin.png | 93 - The Pacification of Estin<br />
File:DealMeIn.png | 94 - Deal Me In<br />
File:WarhammerHigh.png | 95 - Warhammer High<br />
File:HouseMannerheim.png | 96 - House Mannerheim<br />
File:BornOfChaos.png | 97 - Born of Chaos (The Cormyr Archives Prologue)<br />
File:RedHarvest.png | 98 - The Cormyr Archives - Chapter 1<br />
File:WhipsOilAndOrks.png | 99 - Whips, oil and Orks<br />
File:TheCormyrArchives-Chapter2.png | 100 - The Cormyr Archives - Chapter 2, Part 1<br />
File:TitanAwakening.png | 101 - Titan Awakening<br />
File:TheGreatDevourer.png | 102 - The Great Devourer<br />
File:AltdorfArtillery.png | 103 - Altdorf Artillery<br />
File:PrideOfTheImperialGuard.png | 104 - Pride of the Imperial Guard<br />
File:Leman Russ Roadtrip.png | 105 - Leman Russ Roadtrip<br />
File:AboardTheLadySovereign.png | 106 - The Cormyr Archives - Chapter 2, Part 2<br />
File:WhyTaldeerHatedRomanceNovels.png | 107 - Why Taldeer Hated Romance Novels<br />
File:MagnusMakesAHoliday.png | 108 - The Holiday Season in the 41st Millennium: Magnus Makes A Holiday<br />
File:InquisitionIsComingToTown.png | 109 - The Inquisition Is Coming To Town<br />
File:Beginnings.png | 110 - Beginnings<br />
File:JudgementOfTheInquisition.png | 111 - Judgement of the Inquisition<br />
File:ToCatchAPredatorTau.png | 112 - To Catch A Predator: Tau<br />
File:CormyrArchivesChapter2Part3.png | 113 - The Cormyr Archives - Chapter 2, Part 3<br />
File:FriendshipIsHeretical.png | 114 - Friendship Is Heretical<br />
File:TheManIKilled.png | 115 - The Man I Killed<br />
File:ImperialGuardSargeant.png | 116 - Imperial Guard Sergeant<br />
File:TheLongCon.png | 117 - The Long Con<br />
File:DankHeresy.png | 118 - Dank Heresy<br />
File:DankHeresy2.png | 119 - Dank Heresy, part deux<br />
File:Deathwatch.png | 120 - Deathwatch<br />
File:WarhammerSetting.png | 121 - Races of the Old World<br />
File:MutantAcolyte.png | 122 - Mutant Acolyte<br />
File:UnlikelyHero.png | 123 - An Unlikely Hero (of an alternate End Times)<br />
File:Warhammer-GoT-Crossover.png | 124 - Warhammer meets Game of Thrones <br />
File:WarhammerNavalBattle.png | 125 - Warhammer Naval Battle<br />
File:PowerGlove.png | 126 - Power Glove <br />
File:EldarScorpionAndChild.png | 127 - Eldar Scorpion and Child<br />
File:EldarScorpionAndChild-2.png | 128 - Eldar Scorpion and Child part 2 [[https://1d4chan.org/images/9/97/EldarScorpionAndChild-2.png]]<br />
File:ASon'sWish.png | 129 - Warhammer Christmas, A Son's Wish<br />
File:RidericAndFann.png | 130 - Eldar Scorpion and Child part 3<br />
File:Warpstone.png | 131 - Warpstone Hunt<br />
File:Ahriman-Despair.png | 132 - Ahriman: Despair<br />
File:WarhammerHighschool.png | 133 - Warhammer High<br />
File:RidericAndFannContinued.png | 134 - Eldar Scorpion and Child part 4 <br />
File:RidericAndFannContinued2.png | 135 - Eldar Scorpion and Child part 5<br />
File:Numera'sShame.png | 136 - Numera's Shame<br />
File:RidericAndFannContinued3.png | 137 - Eldar Scorpion and Child part 6<br />
File:PrizeOfSlaanesh.png | 138 - Prize of Slaanesh<br />
File:RidericAndFannContinued4.png | 139 - Eldar Scorpion and Child part 7<br />
File:ChaosChild.png | 140 - Chaos Child<br />
File:ChildSoldiers.png | 141 - Child Soldiers<br />
File:LemanRussInCombat.png | 142 - Leman Russ Combat<br />
File:EmperorsMercy.png | 143 - Emperor's Mercy<br />
File:GoodReiksgrafVaclav.png | 144 - Good Reiksgraf Vaclav [[https://1d4chan.org/images/d/de/GoodReiksgrafVaclav.png]]<br />
File:WarbossMozgull.png | 145 - Warboss Mozgull<br />
File:EmperorsAngels.png | 146 - Emperor's Angels<br />
File:Angron'sNails.png | 147 - Angron's Nails<br />
File:FemaleCommissar.png | 148 - Female Commissar<br />
File:BrotherChaplainsSermon.png | 149 - Brother Chaplain's Sermon<br />
File:Inspection.png | 150 - Inspection<br />
File:SpaceHulkDiary.png | 151 - Diary Found In A Space Hulk<br />
File:OswynAndSelene.png | 152 - Oswyn and Selene<br />
File:Valkyria-WarhammerCrossover.png | 153 - Valkyria - Warhammer Crossover [[https://1d4chan.org/images/9/92/Valkyria-WarhammerCrossover.png]]<br />
File:Xenobane.png | 154 - Xenobane<br />
File:ReturnOfXenobane.png | 155 - The Return Of Xenobane<br />
File:TerrorOfXenobane.png | 156 - Terror Of Xenobane<br />
File:FuryOfXenobane.png | 157 - Fury Of Xenobane<br />
File:RevengeOfXenobane.png | 158 - Revenge Of Xenobane<br />
File:ReturnToGrace.png | 159 - Return To Grace [[https://1d4chan.org/images/0/02/ReturnToGrace.png]]<br />
File:TheOne-EyedKings.png | 160 - The One-Eyed Kings<br />
File:WarhammerHippos.png | 161 - Hippo Gods<br />
File:SpaceHulkDataConstruct.png| 162 - Space Hulk Data Construct<br />
File:DiseaseInquisitor.png | 163 - Disease Inquisitor<br />
File:Beastlord.png | 164 - Beastlord<br />
File:NightLords.png | 165 - Nightlords<br />
File:WoodAndIron.png | 166 - Wood and Iron<br />
File:BlackShip.png | 167 - The Black Ship<br />
File:KriegersCreed.png | 168 - Krieger's Creed<br />
<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
<br />
Star Wars related:<br />
<gallery><br />
File:BountyHunter.png | 1 - Bounty Hunter<br />
File:Hoth.png | 2 - Hoth<br />
File:MordaaniBladeOfAlderaan.png | 3 - Mordaani Blade of Alderaan<br />
File:EmpireVeteransSociety.png | 4 - Empire Veterans Society<br />
File:StarWarsRoleplay.png | 5 - A Star Wars Roleplay Story<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
<br />
Battletech/Mechwarrior related:<br />
<gallery><br />
File:ClanInvasion1.png | 1 - Clan Invasion (part 1)<br />
File:ClanInvasion2.png | 2 - Clan Invasion (part 2)<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
SCP series related:<br />
<gallery><br />
File:SCPSiteJComplaint.png | 1 - Site J Complaint Letter<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
World of Warcraft related:<br />
<gallery><br />
File:Darkshore.png | 1 - Darkshore<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
Miscellaneous Established IPs<br />
<gallery><br />
File:Simpsons.png | 1 - Bart's Future (Simpsons)<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
Crossovers:<br />
<gallery><br />
File:XenosStation.png | 1 - Warhammer 40k/Metroid <br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
== Other Story Formats ==<br />
<br />
Not every Storythread has the Post A Picture Write A Story format. Some try to innovate, experimenting with presenting their work in new ways, like this set<br />
<br />
<gallery><br />
File:ValkyrNights1.png | Valkyr Nights<br />
File:ValkyrNights2.png<br />
File:ValkyrNights3.png<br />
File:ValkyrNights4.png<br />
File:ValkyrNights5.png<br />
File:ValkyrNights6.png<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
<br />
Most are in the traditional form: simple text. A few run a series are on a single theme, while others have no theme at all and are simply stories.<br />
First, the miscellaneous:<br />
<br />
<gallery><br />
File:ThePrisoner'sDilemma.png | 1 - The Prisoner's Dilemma<br />
File:NanoTechBarbarian.png | 2 - The Nano-Tech Barbarian<br />
File:ListeningPost.png | 3 - The Listening Post<br />
File:Martel'sParents.png | 4 - Martel's Parents<br />
File:RealSovietDamage.png | 5 - Real Soviet Damage<br />
File:AlriaOrion.png | 6 - Alria and Orion<br />
File:FairyTale.png | 7 - Fairy Tale<br />
File:Repeat.png | 8 - Repeat<br />
File:GodsbladeInitiate.png | 9 - Godsblade Initiate<br />
File:Emily....png | 10 - Emily...<br />
File:PainOnAChain.png | 11 - Pain On A Chain<br />
File:WilsomEstate.png | 12 - The Wilsom Estate<br />
File:ABargain.png | 13 - A Bargain<br />
File:Mel.png | 14 - Mel<br />
File:DwarfFortress.png | 15 - Dwarf Fortress<br />
File:TheSeamstress'Song.png | 16 - The Seamstress's Song<br />
File:GodsOfTheFirar.png | 17 - Gods of the Firar<br />
File:ArmyAdvice.png | 18 - Army Advice<br />
File:TribalChallenge.png | 19 - Tribal Challenge<br />
File:TrinityStation.png | 20 - Trinity Station<br />
File:LaughterOfTheMadGoddess.png | 21 - Laughter of the Mad Goddess (see also: no. 13, 'A Bargain')<br />
File:ForEarth.png | 22 - For Earth<br />
File:BrokenSparrow.png | 23 - Broken Sparrow <br />
File:Brains.png | 24 - Brains<br />
File:Dreamscape-part1.png | 25 - Dreamscape, part 1<br />
File:Dreamscape-part2.png | 26 - Dreamscape, part 2<br />
File:TheContract.png | 27 - The Contract<br />
File:SerfOtho.png | 28 - Serf Otho<br />
File:DifferenceOfOpinion.png | 29 - A Difference of Opinion<br />
File:DaemonHuntersOfMars.png | 30 - Daemon Hunters of Mars<br />
File:ProjectGrandlance-TheRiseAndFallOfATyrant.png | 31 - Project Grandlance: The Rise And Fall Of A Tyrant<br />
File:YouMeetInATavern....png | 32 - You meet in a tavern...<br />
File:TheTorturer'sTale.png | 33 - The Torturer's Tale<br />
File:GolemHitman.png | 34 - Golem Hitman<br />
File:TheHeavensAreCalling.png | 35 - The Heavens Are Calling<br />
File:Formori.pdf | 36 - Formori<br />
File:TwoHorrorFragments.png | 37 - [two horror fragments]<br />
File:TheApocalypseInTheSand-DayOfInfamy.png | 38 - The Apocalypse In The Sand + Day Of Infamy<br />
File:UniversalCentury.png | 39 - Universal Century<br />
File:AMatch.png | 40 - A Match<br />
File:Arch-Druid.png | 41 - Arch-Druid<br />
File:JournalOfRainaHarriet.png | 42 - Journal of Raina Harriet (see also: no. 481)<br />
File:TheFew.png | 43 - The Few<br />
File:NGConfidential.png | 44 - N.G. Confidential<br />
File:ScalesOfDevastation.png | 45 - Scales of Devastation<br />
File:SerialKiller.png | 46 - Serial Killer<br />
File:HuntingTheBeithir-Aiche.png | 47 - Hunting the Beithir-Aiche<br />
File:Shadow'sManor.png | 48 - Shadow's Manor<br />
File:AttackOnMagellan-II.png | 49 - Attack on Magellan II<br />
File:TheBookOfTheThirdEye.png | 50 - The Book Of The Third Eye<br />
File:CityAflame.png | 51 - The City Aflame<br />
File:MalfunctioningAI.png | 52 - Malfunctioning AI<br />
File:IceHunt.png | 53 - Ice Hunt<br />
File:Sacrifices.png | 54 - Sacrifices<br />
File:PathOfFlowers.png | 55 - Path Of Flowers [[https://1d4chan.org/images/5/53/PathOfFlowers.png]]<br />
File:DwarfSong.png | 56 - Dwarf Song<br />
File:DaemonicInvasion.png | 57 - Daemonic Invasion<br />
File:TheGiftOfFire.png | 58 - The Gift Of Fire<br />
File:Sunless.png | 59 - Sunless<br />
File:MechanizedPilot.png | 60 - Mechanised Pilot<br />
File:KnightRessurector.png | 61 - Knight Resurrector<br />
File:JobOffer.png | 62 - Job Offer<br />
File:Birth.png | 63 - Birth<br />
File:TheWebbe.png | 64 - The Webbe<br />
File:HothouseV2.png | 65 - Hothouse<br />
File:Drow City.png | 66 - Drow City<br />
File:Aussie Rules.png | 67 - Aussie Rules<br />
File:HonourDuel.png | 68 - Honour Duel<br />
File:Hunter'sSign.png | 69 - Hunter's Sign<br />
File:12Daemons.png | 70 - 12 Daemons<br />
File:Aqueduct.png | 71 - Aqueduct<br />
File:DoctorVisits.png | 72 - Doctor Visits<br />
File:DungeonCrawl.png | 73 - Dungeon Crawl<br />
File:SpiritOfTruth.png | 74 - Spirit of Truth<br />
File:Dreamwalkers.png | 75 - Dreamwalkers<br />
File:HuntingHuntTheRage.png | 76 - Hunting Hunt-The-Rage<br />
File:FinalEscape.png | 77 - Final Escape<br />
File:ASoreLoser.png | 78 - A Sore Loser<br />
File:Ironclad.png | 79 - Ironclad<br />
File:BarStoriesForAdventurers.png | 80 - Journal Entry One - Bar Stories for Adventurers<br />
File:EndlessImmortality.png | 81 - Endless Immortality<br />
File:JournalEntryTwo-HalflingBandits.png | 82 - Journal Entry Two - Encounter With Halfling Bandits (see also: 80)<br />
File:UnhappyChildhood.png | 83 - Unhappy Childhood<br />
File:ThiefPair.png | 84 - Thief Pair<br />
File:ShamanDreams.png | 85 - Shaman Dreams<br />
File:TheLifeOfAttsi.png | 86 - The Life Of Attsi<br />
File:TheLifeOfAttsi.png | 87 - The Life Of Attsi<br />
File:JournalEntryThree.png | 88 - Journal Entry Three - The Bathhouse (see also: 80, 82)<br />
File:StarCrossedLovers.png | 89 - Star Crossed Lovers<br />
File:Anti-DrowCrusade.png | 90 - Anti-Drow Crusade<br />
File:CabinInTheWinterWoods.png | 91 - Cabin In The Winter Woods<br />
File:JournalEntryFour-DwarvenDrinkingStories.png | 92 - Journal Entry Four - Dwarven Drinking Stories (see also: 80, 82, 84)<br />
File:TheTerrorOfSeaviewHouse.png | 93 - The Terror Of Seaview House<br />
File:ComingOfAge.png | 94 - Coming Of Age<br />
File:ReturnOfAlveredo.png | 95 - The Return of Alvaredo<br />
File:Trollville.png | 96 - Trollville<br />
File:EverybodyNeedsFriends.png | 97 - Everybody Needs Friends<br />
File:NoGoodDeed.png | 98 - No Good Deed<br />
File:ReturnOfAlveredo-extended.png | 99 - The Return of Alvaredo (extended version) [[https://1d4chan.org/images/f/f9/ReturnOfAlveredo-extended.png]]<br />
File:ExaltedStory-Noz'sRage.png | 100 - Noz's Rage (an Exalted story)<br />
File:ExaltedBackstory.png | 101 - Noz's Backstory (an Exalted story, see also 100)<br />
File:Bags'Journal.png | 102 - Bags' Journal<br />
File:CrabAndDragon-LegendOfThe5Rings.png | 103 - The Crab And The Dragon<br />
File:CreationMyth.png | 104 - Creation Myth<br />
File:AngusMcWurf'sWednesdayOfDoom.png | 105 - Angus McWurf's Wednesday Of Doom<br />
File:PrincessAndDrow.png | 106 - The Princess and the Drow Queen<br />
File:MadeInAbyss.png | 107 - Made In Abyss<br />
File:LawngnomeShop.png | 108 - Lawngnome Shop<br />
File:Remas.png | 109 - Remas<br />
File:ChayimsHistories.png | 110 - Chayim's Histories<br />
File:SyntheticFlowers.png | 111 - Synthetic Flowers<br />
File:ElvenDarkwood.png | 112 - Elven Darkwood<br />
File:GodOfTheGate.png | 113 - God Of The Gate<br />
File:LastTrainToRavenna.png | 114 - The Last Train To Ravenna<br />
File:AsguardCreationMyth.png | 115 - Asguard Creation Myth<br />
File:StudentsOfMagic.png | 116 - Students of Magic<br />
File:LuminousCave.png | 117 - Luminous Cave<br />
File:WilliamCatch-Assassin.png | 118 - William Catch: Assassin<br />
File:ExcerptsFromAHumanJournal.png | 119 - Excerpts From A Human Journal<br />
File:HumanAlienDiplomacy.png | 120 - Human-Alien Diplomacy <br />
File:OrcCampAttack.png | 121 - Orc Camp Attack<br />
File:StreetJustice.png | 122 - The Falcon and the Dove<br />
File:Sakai'sWorld.png | 123 - Sakai's World<br />
File:WarReport.png | 124 - War Report<br />
File:StudiesOfMagic.png | 125 - Studies of Magic<br />
File:TelekineticTalent.png | 126 - Telekinetic Talent<br />
File:BadNews.png | 127 - Bad News<br />
File:PrimitiveEntertainment.png | 128 - Primitive Entertainment<br />
File:FootballFail.png | 129 - Football Fail<br />
File:DeathScene.png | 130 - Death Scene<br />
File:VampireTheMasqueradeFanfic.png | 131 - Vampire The Masquerade<br />
File:NewbornGods.png | 132 - Newborn Gods<br />
File:ValminElsingElfScholar.png | 133 - Valmin Elsing, Elf Scholar<br />
File:BloodLaw.png | 134 - Blood Law<br />
https://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:HillPeople-v2.pdf | 135 - The Hill People [[https://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:HillPeople-v2.pdf]]<br />
File:TheMountain.pdf | 136 - The Mountain [[https://1d4chan.org/images/1/16/TheMountain.pdf]]<br />
File:PhilosophersStone.png | 137 - Philosopher's Stone (see also: 134)<br />
File:HighschoolMage.png | 138 - Highschool Mage (see also: 134, 137)<br />
File:Tested.png | 139 - Tested<br />
File:GronkInOz.png | 140 - Gronk in Oz<br />
File:SkirmishAtSmoletsya.png | 141 - Skirmish at Smoletsya<br />
File:AdriftInSpace.png | 142 - Adrift in Space<br />
File:DiscourseOnMagicalLaw.png | 143 - Discourse On Magical Ethics (see also: 134, 137, 138)<br />
File:SkullFacedFae.png | 144 - Skull-Faced Fae<br />
File:GarridoSonOfGarrido.png | 145 - Garrido, son of Garrido (chapter 1)<br />
File:GarridoSonOfGarrido-part2.png | 146 - Garrido, son of Garrido (chapter 2)<br />
File:Breakers.png | 147 - Breakers (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143)<br />
File:CivilisedGoblin.png | 148 - Civilised Goblin<br />
File:GarridoSonOfGarrido-part3.png | 149 - Garrido, son of Garrido (chapter 3)<br />
File:BattleScars.png | 150 - Battle Scars<br />
File:EverlastingRiches.png | 151 - Everlasting Riches<br />
File:Skyfire.png | 152 - Skyfire<br />
File:GhostTale.png | 153 - Ghost Tale [[https://1d4chan.org/images/b/b1/GhostTale.png]]<br />
File:TheModernPrometheus.png | 154 - The Modern Prometheus<br />
File:WendigoHunt.png | 155 - Wendigo<br />
File:RitualsOfDeathAndLife.png | 156 - Rituals of Death and Life<br />
File:AlienWorld.png | 157 - Alien World<br />
File:OFortuna.png | 158 - O Fortuna<br />
File:Anklebiters.png | 159 - Anklebiters<br />
File:ScornedWitch.png | 160 - Scorned Witch<br />
File:MagicalMurder.png | 161 - Magical Murder<br />
File:TransgenderCinderella.png | 162 - Transgender Cinderella<br />
File:TalesOfGy'yhre.png | 163 - Tales of Gy'yhre<br />
File:TrollhuntersApprentice.png | 164 - Troll Hunter's Apprentice<br />
File:Helvita'sRun.pdf | 165 - Helvita's Run<br />
File:Diabolists.png | 166 - The Diabolists (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143, 147)<br />
File:DonRonaldMcDonald.png | 167 - Don Ronald McDonald<br />
File:Outcast.png | 168 - The Outcast (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143, 147, 166)<br />
File:PromQueenGhostStory.png | 169 - Prom Queen Ghost Story<br />
File:GarridoSonOfGarrido-part4.png | 170 - Garrido, son of Garrido (chapter 4)<br />
File:AngusMcWurfSellsHisSoul.png | 171 - Angus McWurf Sells His Soul<br />
File:AngelicRest.png | 172 - Angelic Rest<br />
File:MoreDiabolists.png | 173 - More Diabolists (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143, 147, 166, 168)<br />
File:OneDayADuke.png | 174 - One Day A Duke<br />
File:Akademy.png | 175 - Akademy (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143, 147, 166, 168, 173)<br />
File:TheFalcon.png | 176 - The Falcon<br />
File:OldFriends.png | 177 - Old Friends<br />
File:DarkInvitation.png | 178 - Dark Invitation (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143, 147, 166, 168, 173, 175)<br />
File:MemoryLoss.png | 179 - Memory Loss<br />
File:UndeadTown.png | 180 - Undead Town<br />
File:MelodysLaw.png | 181 - Melody's Law (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143, 147, 166, 168, 173, 175, 178)<br />
File:BreakersMakeNoSense.png | 182 - Breakers Make No Sense (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143, 147, 166, 168, 173, 175, 178, 181)<br />
File:TemplarBaseFalls.png | 183 - Templar Base Falls (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143, 147, 166, 168, 173, 175, 178, 181, 182)<br />
File:TheNewCouple.png | 184 - The New Couple (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143, 147, 166, 168, 173, 175, 178, 181, 182, 183)<br />
File:Aftermath.png | 185 - Aftermath (see also: 134, 137, 138, 143, 147, 166, 168, 173, 175, 178, 181, 182, 183, 184)<br />
File:StewOfLostYouthAndLongpig.png | 186 - Stew of Lost Youth and Long Pig<br />
File:TheHunterAndTheCorpse.png | 187 - The Hunter and the Corpse<br />
File:TooLate.png | 188 - Too Late (see also: 184, 183, 182, etc, etc)<br />
File:DemonicTreachery.png | 189 - Demonic Treachery<br />
File:SantaClausIsDead.png | 190 - Santa Claus Is Dead (see also: 188, 184, 183, etc, etc)<br />
File:NotYourProblem.png | 191 - Not Your Problem (see also: 190, 188, 184, etc, etc)<br />
File:ForgingOfPeacebreaker.png | 192 - The Forging of Peacebreaker<br />
File:HowlingDeathOfGrimnirTheWise.png | 193 - The Howling Death Of Grimnir the Wise<br />
File:BreakersOrigin.png | 194 - The Breakers (see also: 192, 190, 188, etc, etc)<br />
File:AngelOfDeath.png | 195 - Angel of Death<br />
File:MementoMori.png | 196 - Momento Mori (see also: 195, 192, 190, etc, etc)<br />
File:CommonwealthLaw.png | 197 - Commonwealth Law<br />
File:PrinciplesVsPrincipal.png | 198 - Principle vs. Principal (see also: 198, 195, 192, etc, etc)<br />
File:RecruitingAMonster.png | 199 - Recruiting A Monster<br />
File:GoodMaidBadMistress.png | 200 - The Maid and Her Mistress<br />
File:Rosebush.png | 201 - Rosebush<br />
File:DragonHoard.png | 202 - Dragon Hoard [[https://1d4chan.org/images/7/7c/DragonHoard.png]]<br />
File:InformalGods.png | 203 - Informal Gods<br />
File:WWJD.png | 204 - WWJD (see also: 200, 198, 195, etc, etc)<br />
File:Downtime.png | 205 - Downtime (see also: 206, 200, 198, etc, etc)<br />
File:SpaceWarfare.png | 206 - Space Warfare<br />
File:BanditCyborg.png | 207 - Bandit Cyborg<br />
File:Archivist.png | 208 - The Archivist<br />
File:WeighingCosts.png | 209 - Weighing Costs (see also: 207, 206, 200, etc, etc)<br />
File:BrainWormsAndOtherDelicacies.png | 210 - Brain Worms and Other Delicacies<br />
File:GuidebookI.png | 211 - Guidebook I (see also: 212, 207, 206, etc, etc)<br />
File:TheHorrorOfTheLight.png | 212 - The Horror Of The Light (see also: 215, 212, 207, etc, etc)<br />
File:SnakeAnecdote.png | 213 - An Anecdote About Snakes<br />
File:AHartstaccsCrush.png | 214 - A Hartstacc's Crush<br />
File:$64000Question.png | 215 - The $64,000 Question (see also: 216, 215, 212, etc, etc)<br />
File:ThePriceWePay.png | 216 - The Price We Pay (see also: 219, 216, 215, etc, etc)<br />
File:Greenhouse.png | 217 - Greenhouse<br />
File:HowAstridBecameAKnight.png | 218 - How Astrid Became a Knight<br />
File:SevenTimesASurvivor.png | 219 - Seven Times a Survivor<br />
File:AnyGivenDay.png | 220 - Any Given Day (see also: 220, 219, 216, etc, etc)<br />
File:HuntingATalkingCow.png | 221 - Hunting A Talking Cow<br />
File:AnyGivenDay-Part2.png | 222 - Any Given Day part 2 (see also: 224, 220, 219, etc, etc)<br />
File:HeadlessWarrior.png | 223 - Headless Warrior<br />
File:TailOfFelixLeChat.pdf | 224 - The Tail of Felix Le Chat<br />
File:Strangelands.png | 225 - Strange Lands<br />
File:GnollTravellers.png | 226 - Gnoll Travellers<br />
File:AcrossTheSea-SpineBound.png | 227 - Across the Sea: The Spinebound<br />
File:YouCantBeSerious.png | 228 - You Can't Be Serious<br />
File:AcrossTheSea-DisasterOfTheAlabaster.png | 229 - Across the Sea: The Disaster of the Alabaster (see also 232)<br />
File:AcrossTheSea-Husk.png | 230 - Across the Sea: The Husk (see also 234, 232)<br />
File:AcrossTheSea-LivingShip.png | 231 - Across the Sea: Living Ship (see also 235, 234, 232)<br />
File:IagoAndTheCircus.png | 232 - Iago and the Circus<br />
File:LifeOfAThief.png | 233 - Life of a Thief<br />
File:DreamsOfApocalypse.png | 234 - Dreams of Apocalypse<br />
File:AnyGivenDay-Part3.png | 235 - Any Given Day part 3 (see also: 226, 224, 220, etc, etc)<br />
File:TheDevilHisself.png | 236 - The Devil Hisself<br />
File:Miscalculation.png | 237 - Miscalculation (see also: 243, 226, 224, etc, etc)<br />
File:Tatterdemalion.png | 238 - Tatterdemalion<br />
File:TestingTheRKUnitTrial8.png | 239 - Testing the RK Unit Trial 8<br />
File:Gifts.png | 240 - Gifts<br />
File:AVampireAWerewolfAndAWarlock.png | 241 - A Vampire, A Werewolf And A Warlock Walk Into A Bar<br />
File:OfBerenAndLuthien.png | 242 - Of Beren And Luthien<br />
File:TheEyesBeneath.png | 243 - The Eyes Beneath<br />
File:DragonSkies.png | 244 - Dragon Skies<br />
File:WarehouseRitual.png | 245 - Warehouse Ritual<br />
File:BloodIsPower.png | 246 - Blood Is Power<br />
File:BlackMage.png | 247 - Black Mage (by the same author, but not in the same series as 245, 243, 226, etc, etc)<br />
File:Catatonia.png | 248 - Catatonia<br />
File:EmancipatedDuel.png | 249 - Emancipated Duel<br />
File:ArmiesOfTheDead.png | 250 - Armies of the Dead<br />
File:AngelsWelcomeHere.png | 251 - Angels Welcome Here (see also: 245, 243, 226, etc, etc)<br />
File:WhereTheSunDon'tShine.png | 252 - Where The Sun Don't Shine (by the same author, but not in the same series as 245, 243, 226, etc, etc)<br />
File:AlvarosNightmare.png | 253 - Alvaro's Nightmare<br />
File:Malifaux.png | 254 - A Malifaux Story<br />
File:ExtendedShitpost.png | 255 - An Extended Shitpost<br />
File:BelasGoblinStory.png | 256 - Bela's Goblin Story <br />
File:TheWallsAreHungry.png | 257 - The Walls Are Hungry (by the same author, but not in the same series as 245, 243, 226, etc, etc)<br />
File:SantiagoAndLem.png | 258 - Santiago And Lem<br />
File:DarkestDay.png | 259 - Darkest Day<br />
File:HollywoodWerewolves.png | 260 - Hollywood Werewolves<br />
File:Heir.png | 275 - Heir (see also: 263, 245, 243, etc, etc)<br />
File:TheDyingArtOfUndeath.png | 276 - The Dying Art of Undeath (see also: 275, 263, 245, etc, etc)<br />
File:ABriefTruthOfNecromancy.png | 277 - A Brief Truth Of Necromancy (not by the same author, but a follow on from 276)<br />
File:BasicsOfMagic.png | 278 - Basics Of Magic<br />
File:SailingIntoTheWarpingSea.png | 279 - Sailing into the Warping Sea<br />
File:The Seekers.png | 280 - The Seekers (see also: 276, 275, 263, etc, etc)<br />
File:InvestigatingFrontierBattles.png | 281 - Investigating Frontier Battles<br />
File:NerdFuneral.png | 282 - Nerd Funeral<br />
File:RestStop.png | 283 - Rest Stop (see also: 270, and for more by the same author 275, 263, 245, etc, etc )<br />
File:Sanctuary.png| 284 - Sanctuary (see also: 280, 276, 275, etc, etc)<br />
File:AlvarosMaster.png | 285 - Alvaro's Master<br />
File:Meat.png | 286 - Meat<br />
File:AngelicWitchHunter.png | 288 - Angelic Witch Hunter<br />
File:BittersweetHope.png | 289 - Bittersweet Hope<br />
File:DutyIsItsOwnReward.png | 290 - Duty Is It's Own Reward (see also: 284, 280, 276, etc, etc)<br />
File:Scrying.png | 291 - Scrying<br />
File:RIFTS-poem.png | 292 - Vibroknife: A RIFTS poem<br />
File:TalkingOwl.png | 293 - Talking Owl<br />
File:MillionTonGravelSale.png | 294 - A Million Tons Of Gravel<br />
File:TheCrueltyOfVaresa.png | 295 - The Cruelty Of Varesa<br />
File:CyberpunkMogadishu.png | 296 - Cyberpunk Mogadishu<br />
File:KillTeam.png | 297 - Kill Team<br />
File:Kindling.png | 298 - Kindling<br />
File:WindAndBrine.png | 299 - Wind And Brine<br />
File:WinterDisappearance.png | 300 - Female Santa Claus<br />
File:K'halInTheArena.png | 301 - K'hal In The Arena<br />
File:JadeColoredGlasses.png | 302 - Jade Colored Glasses (see also: 290, 284, 280, etc, etc)<br />
File:TrailerParkVampire.png | 303 - Trailer Park Vampire<br />
File:BladesInTheDarkHomo.png | 304 Love and Betrayal (set in Blades In The Dark)<br />
File:SupremumLupus.png | 305 - Supremum Lupus<br />
File:GarridosJustice.png | 306 - Garrido's Justice<br />
File:CracksInTheArmor.png | 307 - Cracks in the Armor (from the same author but not in the same series as 290, 284, 280, etc, etc)<br />
File:StepUpFromDad.png | 308 - Step (Up From) Dad (see also: 302, 290, 284, 280, etc, etc)<br />
File:ObligationOfAleksandr.png | 309 - The Obligation of Aleksander<br />
File:Cog.png | 310 - Cog<br />
File:SorceressKiller.png | 311 - Sorceress Killer<br />
File:DrengAndMargitesVsGorillaDemon.png | 312 - Dreng And Margites Vs A Gorilla Demon<br />
File:NighttimeInTheSecondWorld.png | 313 - Nighttime In The Second World<br />
File:StealingFromADragon.png | 314 - Stealing From A Dragon<br />
File:SpaghettiSalesman.png | 315 - Spaghetti Salesman<br />
File:FightAgainstLordDerrida.png | 316 - Fight Against Lord Derrida<br />
File:NaniteAge.png | 317 - Nanite Age<br />
File:DemonsAndDevils.png | 318 - Demons and Devils<br />
File:WW1GermansWithDragons.pdf | 319 - Empire of Dragons<br />
File:TrainStory.pdf | 320 - A Train Journey<br />
File:PostcardsAndGuns.pdf | 321 - Postcards and Guns<br />
File:OniHunters.pdf | 322 - Oni Hunters<br />
File:DevilInDisguise.pdf | 323 - The Devil In Disguise<br />
File:MutantWastelands.png | 324 - Hostage Rescue in the Mutant Wastelands<br />
File:TerribleProphetess.png | 325 - Fearsome Prophetess<br />
File:APartyToDieFor.png | 326 - A Party To Die For<br />
File:Triblelord.png | 327 - Tribelord<br />
File:TheHeartOfTheSword.pdf | 328 - The Heart Of The Sword<br />
File:OccupationalHazard.png | 329 - Occupational Hazard (see also: 308, 302, 290, 284, etc, etc)<br />
File:PriceVerseRules.png | 330 - Priceverse Rules (see also: 329, 308, 302, 290, etc, etc)<br />
File:AnAwfulSymbiosis.png | 331 - An Awful Symbiosis (see also: 330, 329, 308, 302, etc, etc)<br />
File:ShreddingMan.png | 332 - The Shredding Man<br />
File:Terminus.png | 333 - Terminus<br />
File:TrainHeist.png | 334 - Train Heist<br />
File:BlackOoze.png | 335 - Black Ooze<br />
File:ForestMother.png | 336 - Forest Mother<br />
File:InMemoriam.png | 337 - In memory of anon's friend<br />
File:TarotReading.png | 338 - Tarot Reading<br />
File:SweetNLowsLovePoem.png | 339 - SweetnLow's Love Poem<br />
File:MurderousElf.png | 340 - Deadly Elf<br />
File:Paladin'sProof.png | 341 - Paladin's Proof, part 1 (from the same author but not in the same series as: 330, 329, 308, 302, etc, etc)<br />
File:Paladin'sProofPart2.png | 342 - Paladin's Proof, part 2 (see also: 341)<br />
File:AWarlock'sBargain.png | 343 - A Warlock's Bargain (from the same author but not in the same series as: 330, 329, 308, 302, etc, etc)<br />
File:FieldOfConsciousness.png | 344 - Field Of Consciousness<br />
File:TheTrialOfSerigoMavanus.png | 345 - The Trial of Sergio Mavanus (see also: 343)<br />
File:EightKings.png | 346 - Eight Kings<br />
File:PlanetLife.png | 347 - The Life Of A Planet<br />
File:DeadlyBargain.png | 348 - A Deadly Bargain<br />
File:HoneyBear.png | 349 - Honey Bear<br />
File:Dynasty Warriors fanfic.jpg | Three Kingdoms<br />
File:EternalLove.png | Eternal Love<br />
File:AgathasKittens.png | Agatha's Kittens<br />
File:Intervention.png | Intervention (see also: 331, 330, 329, 308, etc, etc)<br />
File:RudolphTheReindeer.png | Rudolph The Reindeer<br />
<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
''The Epics of Grettir The Glib''<br />
<gallery><br />
File:UlftarOfTheSeotaning.png | The Saga of Ulftar of the Seotaning [[https://1d4chan.org/images/0/05/UlftarOfTheSeotaning.png]]<br />
File:UlftarOfTheSeotaning-part2.png | The Saga of Ulftar of the Seotaning [[https://1d4chan.org/images/8/87/UlftarOfTheSeotaning-part2.png]]<br />
File:BabylonianCreationMyth.png | Babylonian-esque Creation Myth [[https://1d4chan.org/images/b/b3/BabylonianCreationMyth.png]]<br />
File:BabylonianCreationMyth-part2.png | Babylonian-esque Creation Myth [[https://1d4chan.org/images/e/ea/BabylonianCreationMyth-part2.png]]<br />
File:BattleOfMtCranochburne.png | The Battle of Mount Cranouchburne<br />
File:SeizureOfCordwine.png | The Seizure of Cordwine<br />
File:GrettirTheGlibsDivineComedy.png | Grettir the Glib's Divine Comedy<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
The following gallery contains the first thirteen chapters of an unfinished fantasy novel written by a German anon and translated by me, Chronicler. It concerns a young woman searching for her best friend, who in the process acquires a dangerous power and is catapulted out of the world she knows. The title in the original German is 'Herz aus Licht und Schatten', and the original text can be found on fanfiktion.de (and it may well have more chapters by the time you read this). In English, the title is: <br />
<br />
''Heart of Light and Shadow''<br />
<gallery><br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-1.png | Chapter 1 - Oath<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-2.png | Chapter 2 - Pact<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-3.png | Chapter 3 - Harpy<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-4.png | Chapter 4 - Slavegirl<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-5-Heart.png | Chapter 5 - Heart<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-6-Caves.png | Chapter 6 - Caves<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-7-Plan.png | Chapter 7 - Plan<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-8-Iskanda.png | Chapter 8 - Iskanda<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-9-FoundingFamily.png | Chapter 9 - Founding Family<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-10-Spidermonster.png | Chapter 10 - Spidermonster<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-11-CaveOfDesire.png | Chapter 11 - Cave Of Desire<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-12-TheUnderground.png | Chapter 12 - The Underground<br />
File:HeartOfLightAndShadow-13-Witch.png | Chapter 13 - Witch<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
<br />
This next gallery contains the work of a writefag who temporarily named himself Storytimer, for the duration of the thread. He had come across a thread on the Paradox Interactive forums, where someone, some years ago, had written a series that purported to be a chronicle of the events of the alternate timeline from the Resistance game series (see - Resistance: Fall of Man, and its sequels. Although if you are unfamiliar with the games then I strongly suggest that you don't read up on it until after you've read this, because spoilers). Storytimer found the work unfinished, and decided that he would expand, improve, and complete it himself.<br />
<br />
<br />
Sadly, although Storytimer made a valiant effort, it was just too big a task and the series remains unfinished to this day. However, what we have is well worth reading in and of itself, and it furthermore inspired a few other anons to make their own contributions. So at the end of the day, good times were had by all and we got a few good stories.<br />
<br />
(Numbered pics, 1 through 14, are Storytimer's series, while 'extra' pics are the contributions of other anons)<br />
<br />
''The Chimera Series''<br />
<gallery><br />
File:Chimera 1 RussianOfficer.png| Chimera 1 - Russian Officer<br />
File:Chimera 2 RedCrossNurse.png | Chimera 2 - Red Cross Nurse<br />
File:Chimera 3 RussianSoldier.png | Chimera 3 - Russian Soldier<br />
File:Chimera 4 ChineseGuerrilla.png | Chimera 4 - Chinese Geurrilla<br />
File:Chimera 5 RussianOfficerAndSoldier.png | Chimera 5 - Russian Officer and Russian Soldier<br />
File:Chimera 6 WarsawLineRecords.png | Chimera 6 - Record of the Warsaw Line<br />
File:Chimera 7 AirforceCaptain.png | Chimera 7 - Airforce Captain<br />
File:Chimera 8 FallOfDanzig.png | Chimera 8 - The Fall of Danzig<br />
File:Chimera 9 GermanOfficer.png | Chimera 9 - German Officer<br />
File:Chimera 10 GermanOfficer2.png | Chimera 10 - German Officer 2<br />
File:Chimera 11 GermanMilitiaman.png | Chimera 11 - German Militiaman<br />
File:Chimera 12 SpanishDoctor.png | Chimera 12 - Spanish Doctor<br />
File:Chimera 13 JapaneseRadioOperator.png | Chimera 13 - Japanese Radio Operator<br />
File:Chimera 14 AmericanAdmiral.png | Chimera 14 - American Admiral<br />
File:Chimera extra PolishSoldier.png | Chimera Extra - Polish Soldier<br />
File:Chimera extra CzechSoldier.png | Chimera Extra - Czech Soldier<br />
File:Chimera extra Generals.png | Chimera Extra - Generals<br />
File:Chimera extra CzechoslovakianSoldier.png | Chimera Extra - Czechoslovakian Soldier<br />
File:Chimera extra cynic.png | Chimera Extra - Cynic<br />
File:Chimera footSoldier.png | Just in case you wondered what a Chimera footsoldier looks like<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
<br />
[[Category:4chan]]<br />
[[Category:Stories]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Category:Wargames&diff=1009118Category:Wargames2026-03-21T14:28:40Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008996 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>Tactical combat oriented tabletop games.<br />
[[Category:Categories]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Category:Team_Yankee&diff=1009117Category:Team Yankee2026-03-21T14:28:28Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008997 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>World War III happens - and it's in [[Team Yankee]], a tactical wargame by Battlefront Miniatures. <br />
<br />
[[Category:Flames Of War]]<br />
[[Category:Wargames]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Sociopathic_diplomancer_gets_shut_the_fuck_down&diff=1009116Sociopathic diplomancer gets shut the fuck down2026-03-21T14:28:17Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008998 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
<hr />
<div>{{story}}<br />
<br />
So, /tg/, a few days ago was the first time I have ever killed another PC. I'd like to tell you why and how this happened.<br />
<br />
4e DnD, played over IRC with Maptools for battles. I was playing the Striker, a Thaneborn Barbarian. Now, at one point, we'd lost a player and acquired a new one. This new player purported vaguely to be female, but...it was unclear. Possibly just a dude playing pretend, a MtF, or genderqueer. What was clear, however, was that he/she had some issues.<br />
<br />
Firstly, her character's backstory. She was a Tiefling Trickster Bard who had been raped, repeatedly, in her backstory essentially every time she trusted everyone, first at the orphanage where she was raised, then by her foster father, then by a jealous suitor because she wasn't interested in him...it went on from there. It had something to do with her beautiful singing voice or something.<br />
<br />
Second, and related, she hated men. All men. Regardless of alignment, species, or nature. This wasn't one of those nice, blatant hatreds that makes for some good roleplaying tension, plenty of nice in-character arguments, and a chance for people to overcome their prejudices. Oh no, this was a passive, subtle hatred. For example, is your character male? Good luck getting Majestic Word or any sort of buffs. If she could stay where she was and give buffs to three male characters, or move to give buffs to one female one, she took the latter every time. This isn't an exaggeration, it would take the whole group badgering her OOC before she'd heal wounded characters. She would either ignore or simply talk down to male NPCs when she thought she could get away with it, including once ignoring the head of a Paladin order discussing strategy with us to instead give her opinions and ideas to his female squire/assistant.<br />
<br />
I didn't mention she was a lesbian earlier, because there are droves of lesbians who don't hate men and aren't thorough cunts, but...this character was very much a lesbian. Again, in sort of a passive manner, where she'd befriend female NPCs and then get hyperprotective of them, never letting anyone else in the party talk to them or interact with them at all, to the point where it was a huge inconvenience.<br />
<br />
Now, to her moderate credit, said Bard was either good at playing a Bard tactically, or simply read CharOps from time to time, as she managed to have several ridiculously high skills. Diplomacy, for one, although I doubt CharOps would approve of the fact that she took Skill Focus for it. Religion and Arcana were two others, because she provided most (read, almost all) of our Rituals. As I said before, she was more of a pain in the ass about healing and buffs, but, eh, we had an Eladrin Taclord who was a MASSIVE BRO and made up for every act of faggotry commited by every other Fey ever.<br />
<br />
Our DM, by the way, enjoyed intrigue. If a player came to our DM in private with something, it would nearly invariably get allowed regardless of what it was. Wasn't guaranteed to succeed, but it wouldn't get fiat'd away without good reason.<br />
<br />
Now, our quest had been going on for some time, we had faced a number of challenges, and we were currently well into the Paragon Tier. Our latest missions had involved a kingdom that had been founded by a powerful Eladrin Wizardess out of refugees, broken mercenary armies, the peasants of some of the nations that had been crushed by incessant wars between the great powers, and others of that sort. You know, riffraff. Said Wizardess had been the Royal Mage of one of these destroyed, minor kingdoms and was looking to create a new one, one powerful enough that it wouldn't be trampled for resources. <br />
<br />
Since all of us were Good or Unaligned (the Bard herself was Good, but had Chaotic Good written on her sheet, according to her, because she preferred the old alignments) we had been helping them. We'd helped lead refugees to them, cut a deal with elementals to convince them to haul a huge stone wall up out of the ground, cleaned out a demon-infested fortress, and generally kicked ass and taken names. <br />
<br />
The kingdom in question was presided over by the former Royal Mage, as I said, and her circle of apprentices...who happened to be female. I suspect it was to avoid impropriety, but the DM never said. We had worked hard, and the kingdom was finally secure. We'd collected a few legendary mercenary troupes and formed a kickass army out of them, despite our Bard not wanting to negotiate with the ones led by men. We had raised walls, scoured fortresses, and had even organized people to build roads and rebuild farms.<br />
<br />
Things were starting to look prosperous, and we had been called to the newly named Star Palace to be honored and discuss the future of the kingdom. Now, part of the reason our Bard liked these people was a disproportionate number of women in power. As I said before, war had crushed many of the kingdoms these people had come from, great swathes of the male population had been pressed into enlistment and slaughtered, so many mothers and widows occupied positions that would once have been filled by men, and as a result it was predominantly women that filled the council chamber, aside from us.<br />
<br />
This is the point where things get bad. Our Bard asked to speak, and was granted the floor, ascending to the podium at the center of the room. There she told the assembled the following. War, she claimed, was the fault of men. If it was not for men, there would be almost no war, no violence, no competitive machismo. She spoke of unity and cooperation, in a world where that was simply viewed as the easiest and most mature way to settle things. She pointed out that men had waged the wars that devastated the continent (we don't actually know if any of the nations involved had a queen at their head) and that it was the women who suffered for it...and then she dropped the bombshell. She had created two unique rituals. <br />
<br />
The first was a magical plague, it would drain the strength and energy from men and cause them to fall asleep, and then drift off into death. It was airborne, incurable, and fast-acting. She said she made it painless to be more palateable. She said it would take a vast amount of reagents to work, but that they had enough, now, to easily do it with the cooperation of the Queen.<br />
<br />
The second Ritual was the one she said would give their nation the chance to spread peace and enlightenment to everyone. This was the one that would keep them safe. It would turn a large number of assembled women into hermaphrodites, capable of both siring and bearing children. She rushed to say that this would not be used on all women, naturally, but enough to keep a sustainable population, and that she had run the numbers needed to keep said population up (presumeably via skill challenge). The ability to reproduce still, coupled with the maturity and gentle nature of women, would lead to a utopia.<br />
<br />
Now, besides the fact that I'm positive there's fapfiction about a setting like that, I'm fond of my balls. Also, fond of being alive. Our Eladrin Warlord is a cousin of the Queen, so I figure she's not going to be too thrilled about this either. I'm ready for them to laugh her down.<br />
<br />
DM asks her to roll Diplomacy. This is the point where, I know you're all thinking, she rolls a natural 20 and you all simultaneously call me a bullshitter. Well, she didn't roll a natural 20. She rolled an 18. 18, plus an incredibly high Charisma modifier, Diplomacy trained, Skill Focus: Diplomacy, the Words of Friendship power...it all added up to a number that could have swayed Orcus.<br />
<br />
The DM is silent, and tells her she passes the Diplomacy check. This is the point where I fear I may have proven her right about male violence.<br />
<br />
Now, the council chamber and the Star Palace themselves are pretty cool. They were once an ancient Eladrin castle that got permanently planeshifted to the Prime Material and buried over time, we restored it. It's far, far, far bigger than we need, but it's the most regal building around, so the royalty of the new kingdom uses it for stuff. Personally, I think that it's nifty. The council chamber is huge, too, with 'speaking crystals' that carry sound implanted in the speaker's podium. Best part? The speaker is out of range of most spells, at least with the range they tend to have in 4e, just because of the sheer size of the room. So even if she swayed the Queen, it wasn't going to help what happened next.<br />
<br />
Incidentally, she was still talking, detailing an elaborate semi-caste-system with specific titles and honorifics, and how the new generation of women that could bear daughters/more hermaphrodites (the 2nd ritual ritual stopped them bearing sons, or the 1st made women in general unable to bear male children, I forget, she had planned for all of that shit) would interact with those who were pure-woman. Her whole plan for it was really, really elaborate and detailed, it sounded as if she had been writing it up for a while, everything from the plans to demilitarize, to the way to train up as many casters as possible to the point where they could cast the first, man-killing ritual using the money they saved from not having an army.<br />
<br />
You know what happens to be a really fun power? Howling Strike. Not only can it be used on a Charge, but it deals a fair amount of damage for an At Will, has some items that increase how much it deals in a way that is very, very satisfying. The best part is, the fluff amounts to charging someone with your weapon yelling "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUU WHOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" and cleaving the shit out of them. Which I did. Spent an Action Point, hit her with my lowest level Rage Daily.<br />
<br />
Now, there are a few other things to mention. First, Rage Strike is awesome. Second, having a Fullblade is awesome. Thirdly, Thaneborn Barbarians have Charisma secondary, which means their Will is generally quite high. In short, the many Will-based attacks a Cunning Bard (or Trickster Bard, I think I said earlier, and if it really IS Cunning I am kicking myself for not making a joke about lesbians and cunnilingus) has are not exceptionally potent versus a Thaneborn, while my AC-focused melee attacks with a +3 Proficiency weapon were. PCs have decent amounts of HP, in general, but still, I'm Rage Striking every turn, hitting her with Dailies and chopping into her like firewood. This took a while purely because, OOC, the Bard's player is freaking out and screaming at me and demanding the DM stop me. Perhaps she had a point, since I WAS hacking at someone in the middle of council, someone who had simply been presenting an argument, even if it was arguably enhanced by arcane magic.<br />
<br />
:''Did you actually say "FUUUUCK YOOOOU WHOOOOORE" in-character as he swung? Did the whole council chamber hear? Or was that just for the Bard's benefit?''<br />
<br />
Yes. That is pretty much exactly what I said. OOC, I think I was also saying it every time he/she bitched. Now, the guards are running across the chamber to break this up, but I am Rage Striking the shit out of her every turn, and hitting on most of them. She has a handful of hit points left, the guards are almost there, and I thwock her with my last Rage Strike, sending her deep into negatives and knocking her unconscious. The player is going ballistic when our female Fighter comes up and casually helps me smash her down to her negative bloodied value, killing her.<br />
<br />
So, the Bard's player is still freaking out, basically saying I should be executed on the spot, and the DM hurriedly ends the session. Our Fighter, who herself is a big, quiet Goliath Battlerager, ends it with something that just wouldn't have had the same effect if anyone else had said it.<br />
<br />
:"Some of us like MEN attached to dicks, you selfish cunt."<br />
<br />
Originial Thread Archive:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/9740414/<br />
<br />
[[Category:Stories]][[Category:Dungeons & Dragons]][[Category:Stories/Dungeons & Dragons]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Merrow&diff=1009115Merrow2026-03-21T14:27:58Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1008999 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
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<div>{{dnd-stub}}<br />
<br />
<br />
'''Merrows''' are a mythological monster from Ireland, and are essentially the Irish version of the common [[merfolk]]. About the most unique aspect is that they explicitly have male merrow, who are described as ugly drunkards and that's why the beautiful female merfolk prefer to try and woo handsome human men instead. Some stories apparently describe them deriving their ability to breathe water from magical caps, which they can loan as gifts or which can be used against them if you need to.<br />
==Dungeons & Dragons==<br />
In [[Dungeons & Dragons]], Merrows traditionally fall into that "take a surface monster and put it underwater" approach to design, ala the [[koalinth]]. In this case, the classic D&D merrow is a water-breathing [[ogre]] that terrorizes the seas, a depiction that [[Pathfinder]] has preserved. Much like the Koalinths, the Merrow wanted to be nice and start a civilization with friendly ties to other races. And, like with the Koalinth, the bastard Sea Elves decided to attempt genocide on them and destroyed their civilization as well, turning the Merrow into revenge-obsessed raiders as well.<br />
<br />
In 5th edition D&D, however, merrows were changed into a deformed race of ugly, evil merfolk who were driven mad and corrupted by unwittingly becoming worshippers of the [[Demon Prince]] [[Demogorgon]].<br />
<br />
<gallery><br />
Merrow2e.png|2e<br />
Merrow5e.jpeg|5e<br />
Merrow 5e Shallowpriest.jpeg|Merrow Shallowpriest<br />
Merrow B2 PF.png|Pathfinder<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
==Monstergirls==<br />
[[File:MGE Merrow.jpg|thumb|right|250px|The MGE Mermaid's lustier cousin.]]<br />
In the [[Monster Girl Encyclopedia]], merrows are a specific breed of the [[merfolk|mermaid]] family of [[monstergirls]], who are mostly distinguished by the fact their ability to breathe water is bound up in their enchanted caps and by being straightforward sluts, in comparison to the more "romance first, sex second" approach of the standard mermaid.<br />
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{{D&D1e-Races}}<br />
<br />
[[Category: Monsters]][[Category: Pathfinder]] [[Category: Monstergirls]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Tilea&diff=1009114Tilea2026-03-21T14:27:44Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1009000 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
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<div>{{whfb-stub}}<br />
Tilea is an area in the [[Old World]] of [[Warhammer Fantasy]]. Many people base it heavily on Italy during the end of the Dark Ages and the onset of the Crusades, and it was originally based on this era in [[Dogs of War]] but in the more recent editions of Warhammer, Tilea is actually far more like the Ancient Romans.<br />
<br />
When [[Dogs of War]] was supported in the game, most of the mercenaries were from the armies of the Merchant Princes, wandering sell-swords who were pretenders of the thrones of the various kingdoms of Tilea. The aforementioned armies themselves are usually mercenaries, with the army fighting for a nation that was comprised of people different to those in the Merchant Prince armies. <br />
<br />
Out of all the human groups in Warhammer Fantasy, Tilea received the most fluff not pertaining directly to the "how we got here" of the army. Instead, Tilean timelines parody real-world events in Europe from the French Revolution through the great famines, the battle of Thermopylae, the painting of the Sistine Chapel, Julius Caesar(here Curius Gaezar)'s attempt to invade Britain (here Albion) and others in that vein. <br />
<br />
Since Tilea is in a constant state of war and political intrigue, innovation and art, and otherwise constant change without the status quo ever actually shifting it's possible that [[Tzeentch]] goes on holiday there.<br />
<br />
The patron goddess of Tilea is the War Goddess [[Myrmidia]]... who is also the patron goddess of [[Estalia]], leading to a bitter split between the cult based on region that may have been inspired by the Catholic/Protestant split in Christianity.<br />
<br />
== Geography and Politics ==<br />
Tilea, like real-life Italy, is mostly a mountainous peninsula with the borders formed by several mountain ranges, such as <s>Appenines</s>Appuccini (they form the eastern border with the mess that is [[Border Princes]]), Abasko (western borders with [[Estalia]]) and Irrana (northern border with [[Bretonnia]]). The foothills are forested and are mostly populated by [[Goblin|Goblins]] and various bandits. The Blue-Face Tribe Orcs are shown in a map of the Badlands and surrounding area as having a lair in the Eastern Mountains, and the mixed Orc/Goblin Broken Nose Tribe is shown in the same map in the northern mountains bordering the Border Princes.<br />
<br />
Politically, Tilea has no central government and consists of thousands (as the Warhammer world is much larger than Earth, despite similar topography) of states that range from theocracy to monarchy to magocracy. They vary to the point that there's one to appeal to every Warhammer Fantasy player who wants a different flavour to their army but one isn't already in the setting. However, there are still eight city-states that are the most prominent:<br />
<br />
* '''Luccini''' - Rome. Yeah, it may be located a little too south to be a carbon copy, but it still was founded by two siblings when [[Sigmar]] was still Conan-ing his way into becoming Emperor. Two rival families that trace their ancestry to either King Lucan or Queen Luccina (who are also venerated as gods) are constantly fighting for absolute power.<br />
* '''Miragliano''' - most likely Milan, given the geography. It is a pretty shit place to live, because [[Skavenblight]] is right next to it, and the citizens have to fight with giant Nazi rats on warpstone every Saturday. The city is mostly known for being home of both [[Leonardo Da Miragliano]], the Leonardo da Vinci expy, and [[Borgio the Besieger]], the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cesare_Borgia Cesare Borgia] expy.<br />
* '''Pavona''' - little lore is available on it. Pavona is constantly at throats with neighbouring Trantio, but still unites with them if a hostile army appears. Also has air bridges that connect the houses of nobility.<br />
* '''Remas''' - Rome during the late Republic period, with all of its intrigues and instability. One of the few non-monarchic city-states in Tilea, which is probably for the worst. Remas is ruled by annually elected triumvirs, the most famous of them being <s>Julius Caesar</s> Curious Gesar, who also discovered [[Albion]].<br />
* '''[[Sartosa]]''' - pirate-plagued Sicily.<br />
* '''Tobaro''' - the greatest city state in terms of seafaring, with a fleet that can rival Estalian and [[Araby|Arabyan]]. Tobaro has a notable Dwarven population.<br />
* '''Trantio''' - once a pretty small city, it became very significant after [[Marco Columbo]] returned from [[Lustria]] with a shit ton of stolen [[Lizardmen]] gold. With all that money, the prince of Trantio used Dwarfs to rebuild the city, making it the most beautiful in all of Tilea.<br />
* '''Verezzo''' - another republic, which is not as incompetent as Remas. It's also more democratic, with merchant families being divided into several "parties" (green, yellow, red and blue) that you can vote into power.<br />
<br />
== [[The End Times]] ==<br />
And then the [[skub]] happened, and shit got baaaaad. As soon as the Skaven decided to kick things into high gear, Tilea was the closest to them and was immediately up to its eyeballs in rats, and all the State Leaders, aka Roman Emperors, were screwed over. The End.<br />
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<gallery><br />
Image:Tilea.jpg<br />
</gallery><br />
<br />
{{Regions and areas of the Old World}}<br />
[[Category: Warhammer Fantasy]]</div>Pachinko Manhttp://2d4chan.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Human&diff=1009113Human2026-03-21T14:27:21Z<p>Pachinko Man: Undo revision 1009001 by 192.42.116.95 (talk)</p>
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<div>[[Image:Happy_human_killing_songs.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Humanity: everybody's friend. Also, no hard feelings guys. Happy human songs are about killing invading humans too.]]<br />
{{Topquote|[[/tg/|Humans need fantasy to be human.]] To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.|[[Discworld|Sir Terry Pratchett, ''Hogfather'']]}}<br />
{{Topquote|1=[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McQ58nhhpHM I'M A PIONEER! I'M AN EXPLORER! I'M A HUMAN, AND I'M CUMMING!]|2=Alex Jones, alleged Human}}<br />
{{Topquote|You are a violent and irrepressible miracle. The vacuum of cosmos and the stars burning in it are afraid of you. Given enough time you would wipe us all out and replace us with nothing — just by accident.|Disco Elysium}}<br />
{{Topquote|I'm ahead, I'm a man, I'm the first mammal to wear pants, I'm at peace with my lust, I can kill 'cause in god I trust.|Pearl Jam, ''Do The Evolution''}}<br />
<br />
'''Humans''' (Scientific name ''Homo sapiens'', "Inferior/simple-minded race" as seen by your [[Eldar|generic super-intelligent and advanced race]], "weak/frail race" as seen by your [[Orks|generic war-mongering race]], and "Nom noms" as seen by [[Tyranid|the race that only exists to consume and grow]]) are a species of bilaterally symmetrical carbon-based creatures native to a small rocky planet orbiting Sol.<br />
<br />
Humans have five appendages: the two longest ones underneath for locomotion, two more flexible appendages in the middle that split into very fine tentacles on the ends for manipulation and pleasure, and a cranium up top for sensation. They stand upright and have nearly their entire cognitive organ contained within a bony shell inside the sensory limb, the rest of it in a bone sheathe in the middle "baggy" part. Humans on average stand erect between 1.5 and 2 meters in height, and mass between 50 and 100 kilograms.<br />
<br />
Humans are descended from arboreal omnivores which migrated on the plains of a landmass in the Eastern hemisphere. They have gender dimorphism: females are smaller by 9% on average, only males have protrusions at the base of the locomotor limbs, and nearly all mature females have two protruding subdermal glands on their front thorax near the base of the manipulation limbs. A large sample of data from various competitions and world records based on gender have also shown human sexual dimorphism also extends to attributes of physical fitness. For example, males are slightly faster and considerably stronger than females, while females possess [http://www.latrobe.edu.au/news/articles/2011/opinion/women-and-their-resistance-to-disease greater resistance] [http://www.medicaldaily.com/man-flu-real-estrogen-makes-women-more-resistant-respiratory-diseases-men-307471 to diseases]. Both are particularly obsessed with mating.<br />
<br />
Humans have an exceptionally high endurance (for killing aliens longer), and their long distance running is unmatched by all but a few species. Some speculate early Humans hunted simply by stalking prey till it had to rest then bashing its head in, though the practicality of this is questioned. Human pain tolerance is high enough that they willingly ingest plants [[Wikipedia:Capsaicin|high in irritants]] that render them unpalatable to most species. Humans must consume [[Wikipedia:Ascorbic acid|a variety]] [[Wikipedia:Retinoic acid|of acids]] [[Wikipedia:pantothenic acid|every day]] to maintain health. Failure to do so results in [[Wikipedia:Scurvy|weakness followed by death]]. Human blood is literally made of iron and [[Wikipedia:Blood#pH_values|capable of neutralizing acids]] if combined with them.<br />
<br />
==...Okay, but seriously.==<br />
Now on to the REAL reason you're on this page.<br />
<br />
Humans are a playable race in almost every game, which is a complete mystery if contemplated long enough ([[derp|which may be too long]]). If you're going to imagine your character as a gunfightan, spell-slingan, wall-vaultan, asskickan superman, what's the point of suddenly slapping that little bit of realism in there? Therefore, they are largely overlooked in most games (except for 3.5e [[D&D]] players who HAD to have that extra first-level feat). Indeed, most descriptions of the species for playable races go something like "they're just like humans, except for this." Most of the time, you'll honestly prefer some of the actual DEFINING TRAITS that come with playing another race, whether it's Never-Say-Die Elfdar vehicles (as opposed to [[Space Marine]] 14-armor dickery) or some kind of crazy mutation/horns/dragon wings. Basically, the benefits can never truly erase the relative boredom you'll get from still being a human, despite all your other options.<br />
<br />
Humans are represented in most games as the most balanced and widespread race, which is a blatant bit of self-flattery, or it can be read to mean that they are the most mediocre and suck equally at everything. Most notable can be in D&D 2.0, in which every race had a given benefit, save the humans who had nothing (unless you count the ability to be any class and reach max level in any of them, whereas other races had restricted classes and restricted levels in said classes - but then, everyone hated that rule and homebrewed it out anyway). When they ARE given distinct advantages, is to be more versatile, adaptable or "jack-of-all-trades" than other bipeds, which is kind of a non-advantage: "we didn't know what to give you, so here's a gift certificate at the local racial feature shop to buy something." You would think that humans' exceptional endurance compared to other Earth species would come into play, (we are one of the best long distance runners in the whole animal kingdom), but it never does; though there is a difference between animals and sapient humanoid races such as elves and dwarves.<br />
<br />
On the other hand whenever there is a coalition of multiple races and humans are part of them, you can bet the one leading them will be human. Talk about self-flattery again. In sci-fi video games they also tend to be portrayed as skilled diplomats, which is ironic considering how most leaders [[Skub|never see eye-to-eye in real life]].<br />
<br />
Then again, there's a certain appeal in [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|humans showing other species what they're truly capable of]].<br />
<br />
==Human Physiology and Psychology==<br />
<br />
Humans are medium creatures, averaging between 1.6-1.8 meters tall (though there are exceptions of course) and weighing in between 69-89 Kg. Appearance-wise there exists a wide diversity of skin tones and minor body features which was commonly described as "race" but has fallen out of favour due to gigatons of [[Skub|skub]] associated with the term. There is some difficulty on pinpointing a defining trait since our real life intelligence is moot if there are other sentients, but alternatively one could realistically invoke [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|"human grit and perseverance"]] since, again judging from real life, we survived so much shit and clawed our way to the top in spite of it (and ourselves) that it is at least somewhat deserved.<br />
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Body-wise humans have little obvious weapons, we can actually give a decent bite and our legs and fists can handle wolf-tier animals one-on-one with some ease, but realistically speaking without some sort of weapon, be it only a big rock or a stick, an average human will not get too far even against such "mid-tier" animals like boars or stags. That being said, humans do have some natural resilience and recent anthropological research has shown that we can also pride ourselves as being an "implacable man" style hunters - we will just casually follow an animal until it drops from exhaustion and we either tame it (horse) or nom it (pretty much everything else that can run fast, and yes [[/d/|that includes horse as well]]).<br />
<br />
Due to their intelligence, social-cooperative nature and fecundity, humans generally occupy virtually all but the harshest environments of a given world or setting (and we will damn well try to settle those too). If there are other races/sentient species present the contact between them and humans runs the gamut of merry trading and [[Monstergirls|coexistence]], grudging tolerance and isolation to near-incessant warfare and genocide.<br />
<br />
Human psychology is also a smorgasbord of various traits since we can form societies that are [[Mongols|barbarian reavers]] like Orks, [[China|introspective and ordered]] like Elves, [[Japan|industrious and seclusive]] like Dwarves an so on. A major innate psychological trait is human sociability, while there are "lone wolves" out there, most humans will want at least 2-3 companions, be they members of their own species or a fellow sentient, this trait also likely causes humans in most settings to develop civilizations of varying sophistication akin to Dwarves and Elves and as opposed to Ogres or Trolls, although depending on the setting humans can just as well be primal and savage with little or no civility.<br />
<br />
==Human Culture(s)==<br />
<br />
As previously mentioned, humans are a varied bunch so the cultures we develop will be such as well. In real life our societies tend to follow a few basic patterns like the rough social organisation (rulers-nobles-middle class-lower class) and a proclivity towards clannish organisation (this was prevalent in Europe too until the Church engaged in a feat of massive social engineering by banning cousin marriage and thus effectively destroying the clan structure in favour of a nuclear family). Aside from those, a given culture is also greatly influenced by its environment and availability of resources - [[Japan]] for instance places great emphasis on cooperation and social harmony since you need social cohesion to survive all the earthquakes, volcanoes and tsunamis, while [[Egypt]] was a totalitarian theocracy due to the Nile concentrating people along the fertile areas and being vital for survival thus making it one of the centers of life and religion.<br />
<br />
In various fantasy and sci fi works, as mentioned in the Human Special Rules the cultures tend to broadly coalesce into fantasy Europe/Middle East/Asia with an occasional Mayincatec, African or Greco-romano-egyptian expies if the author is a bit more imaginative. Said societies also tend to have one trait increased out of proportion like war, trade or diplomacy. One can also expect a huge human empire in various stages of [[The Empire|advancement]] or [[Imperium of Man|degeneration]] which will often be inspired by Rome or HRE. Interestingly human societies are practically never shown as peaceful or pacifist, having almost always be(en) engaged in a war with other races or themselves, sometimes at the same time.<br />
<br />
==Human Religion(s)==<br />
<br />
Again, in real life humans have dozens of religious and hundreds of spiritual beliefs and systems, many of them offshoots of previous ones like Christianity and Islam or regional/national variations as with the bajilion sects of Buddhism and Protestantism OR Hinduism which is practically an entire world onto itself and that's before we even get to the indigenous world faiths or past religions.<br />
<br />
In fantasy works humans however will generally fall into two broad categories:<br />
<br />
- Worship of a pantheon of about half-dozen or dozen gods inspired by the ancient Bronze and Iron age civilizations of Earth. Said pantheon will likely have the equivalents of chief god, war god, magic god, harvest/life god, sea god and so on though certain settings will shake things up and give a more unusual pantheon.<br />
<br />
- Worship of a Judeo-Christian equivalent commonly called Crystal Dragon Jesus by TvTropes. This religion will be monotheistic or have 2-3 gods at most with a [[Ecclesiarchy|Catholic or broadly Christian aesthetic and maybe some doctrinal similarities]]. Alternatively the inspirational source will be toned down and you will end up with one capital-g God and a "church" which may often be in conflict with a "pagan" pantheon though the latter will usually not be as powerful as a full fledged pantheon described in the first point.<br />
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- A combination of the prior two where depending on a region you will have religions centered around gods, a god, the God, immensely powerful beings (Dragons are usually the go-to race for this) and various minor spirits and others. Also expect any asian-based culture to have some sort of confucian equivalent that throws around words like "enlightenment" and "harmony", usually with little emphasis on gods.<br />
<br />
In science fiction religion will often be handwaved as an afterthought or depicted as declining or nearly gone due to the supposedly enlightened humans no longer needing or deigning to believe in anything supernatural and aliens still believing in gods or having religious beliefs will either be shown as primitive or crusading zealots. Alternatively there will be races or beings present that will be so advanced that they may appear to be godlike or even become indistinguishable from what an actual deity would be (like in the Culture series where the AIs are so powerful that they can create real afterlives with relative ease). Lastly, humans may simply have their old 20th-21st century major religions in slightly altered form or have a new set of beliefs altogether.<br />
<br />
==Human Flaws==<br />
<br />
Humans will generally run the gamut of failings though a hack author or someone with an ax to grind may exaggerate certain flaws in order to prove a point or send a message. These usually take the form of humans being [[Imperium of Man|genocidal maniacs who are exterminating other races left, right and center for not much more than simple bigotry and xenophobia]].<br />
<br />
This unfortunately has some basis in reality as the most immediately destructive human activity (warfare) has often been if not motivated, then at least shrouded in xenophobia and ethno-racial hatred in order to motivate the troops to slaughter the opponents when in reality the real goal was resources or territory. <br />
Additionally Homo Sapiens Sapiens in general seems to have been at least partially somewhat genocide-happy if not callous in their expansion since many other species of humans are, well, not with us anymore. The Neanderthals are brought up as the most common example although the fact that modern Europeans and Asians have 1-2% of Neanderthal DNA so the truth may be a bit more balanced (a combination of genocide, displacement, grudging co-existence and intermixing).<br />
<br />
On the physical side of things, Humans when compared to many other races or animals fall more or less into the mid category - not too bad but nothing to write home about either. A Human can with some effort take down most animals that are smaller than them (wolves, boars, deer etc.) when going 1-on-1, but increase the number of opponents or move into something that is heavier/bigger and we start having problems even with bladed weapons. Smaller humanoids (with possible exception of [[Dwarves]]) are also doable but anything ranging from [[Half-Orc]] and bulkier is going to be a challenge to say the least. This is usually not a problem what with Humans speccing into INT and CO-OP but in any situation or setting where physically stronger and organized opponents outnumber the Humans and technology is not the deciding factor will give Humanity some hurting.<br />
<br />
More realistic settings will give humans a more balanced set of virtues and flaws if not outright eschewing this approach altogether and focusing on individuals.<br />
<br />
==Human Special Rules==<br />
# In every sci fi movie and game involving aliens, humans MUST suck.<br>No exceptions. Unless they're [[Space Marine|grimdark psycho-indoctrinated, genetically enhanced, Catholic Space-Nazis]], an [[Chaos Space Marines|evil(er) version of thereof]] or the [[Primaris Space Marines|grimdark psycho-indoctrinated, genetically enhanced, Catholic Space-Nazis big brother]]. Or [[Setting:Halo|Master Chief]]. In which case, they're the best damn things in the setting where combat is concerned. In every fantasy movie and game involving elves, dwarves, goblins, etc. humans MUST be boring. No exceptions. Elves are the tall fast guys with great magic who live in the trees, Dwarves are the short strong guys with badass technology who live in the tunnels, humans are the boring medium guys with absolutely nothing special and completely average stats.<br />
#* Unless this is John Carter of Mars in which the title human is an unstoppable one man army, who can kill four armed giant bug Martians with ease.<br />
#* Or if it's [[Tolkien|Middle Earth]] (if you don't think the Edain are awesome, you probably don't know enough about the setting), <br />
#* or [[Star Wars]] (where the humans are the most powerful, diverse, and influential race in the setting), <br />
#* [[Star Trek]] (where the humans are the ones responsible for much of the good stuff in the setting), <br />
#* or [[Avatar]] (where the humans are awesome, but portrayed as villains for being pragmatic).<br />
# Humans ''always'' have the crappy weapons when fighting technologically advanced/intelligent xenos(eg: [[Setting:Halo|Halo]] - Bullets vs. Plasma. [[Warhammer 40,000]] - [[Lasgun|factory-built flashlights]] vs. alien [[Shuriken Catapult|ninja-star guns]]/[[Splinter Weapons|living poison guns]]/[[Gauss|molecular disassembly weapons]]/cursed-soul-shooting guns). In the case of simple-minded/primitive xenos, the humans must be eaten/dismembered/eviscerated/disemboweled/some combination thereof by said xenos (eg: Bugs vs Mobile infantry, Xenomorphs vs Colonial Marines). In fantasy, humans ''always'' have the boring practical weapons when fighting any other race (eg: Humans vs Elves or Dwarves - Long swords and crossbows vs. magic bows and badass knives or giant hammers and axes and cannons).<br />
# in [[vidya|video games]], especially but in table top and roleplaying as well, humanity's special trait is always brute force. We're never as fast as the space elves, but we always build [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|really big guns]] (sometimes ones that are [[Ordinatus|utterly massive]]) and [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|massive humanoid robots covered with weapons]]. As another example, when I say "elf" you think archers in the woods, but when I say "fantasy human" you think a knight in full plate mail atop a horse, effectiveness may vary but humans' trait is normally thick armour and hitting hard.<br />
# Compared to any other race, Humans must always be subjected to horrendous deaths in any war, real or fiction, by the hundreds, and often disproportionately to their involvement in said war.<br />
# In every work that involves armed fictional conflict, there must always be one [[Mary Sue|heavily plot-armoured character that can beat the odds no matter how retardedly outnumbered and outgunned he is.]] This character is human if humans are involved in the conflict at all.<br />
# In almost every setting where humans are not fanatical racist nut jobs, human are always the ones most likely to reproduce outside their species. If someone says they're a half-elf, dragon or demon, you never need to ask what the other half is. Among the first questions any human asks upon discovery of a new sapient is "can I have sex with it?", and then humans also ignore all rules of logic and genetics by managing to have kids with it.<br />
# In most fantasy settings, humans create various "Western-European-like" nations, one "Middle-East-like" nation and one "Chinese-like" or "Japanese-like" nation.<br />
# Despite any inferiority to other races; Humans '''ALWAYS WIN. ''ALWAYS''''', in the end of it all. Either by the efforts of pre-mentioned [[Mary Sue]] or through [[Imperial Guard|the well-honed tactic of drowning their enemies in their own blood and corpses]]. This is because we can't win any other way, unless you're SPESS MARHEENS (That's a fact). In rare cases conflict spans for a few centuries, and the setting it happens in isn't in medieval stasis, humans win through their adaptability due to their short lifespans combined with sufficient intellect, while more long-living races fail to change their society in response to evolving technology, even if they happen to out-science humans (which they usually don't), and less intelligent races get wiped out or enslaved due to the giant technological edge humans have against them.<br />
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Also, our butthurt knows no fucking bounds.<br />
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==Media That Prominently Feature Humans==<br />
[[File:Ravenloft 3e Humans.png|thumb|right|250px|Humans tend to adopt different styles in different settings. These humans come from [[Ravenloft]], for example.]]<br />
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All of them. No really, all of them ([[Bionicle|almost]]). It's only natural that the only intelligent race we know of is the one we add everywhere and into everything. The reason for this can be numerous - It makes it easy to relate to it for most people when your race is represented, and since we ''are'' the only intelligent race we actually know, humans are the only template we can work off of.<br />
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Well, Dragonlance, but then, they had [[Kender]], so...<br />
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Some do it more than others, tho - e.g, everybody knows that DnD only has the Human race because some people are too xenophobic to play an actual interesting race, while other media, like in 40k, humans are the best goddamn thing ever.<br />
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==Human mating practices==<br />
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{{Topquote|And their reproductive system is the same as their waste-elimination system. Did you know that? It’s true. I’ve done the dissections.|Trazyn the Infinite}}<br />
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We do have these. The writers of this wiki have not studied them. Why should we?<br />
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In role-playing games, humans (especially those of the [[bard]] [[class]]) tend to be the most fertile race, and the one most amenable to interspecies romance and cross-breeding (rivalled only by [[dragon]]s).<br />
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P.S. If you don't know how babies are made just ask your parents what "fucking" is. They will be delighted to give you a detailed explanation.<br />
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==Humans in Dungeons & Dragons==<br />
In [[Dungeons & Dragons]], humanity's "hat", or singular defining racial trait, is ''Versatility''. What this means in practice varies from edition to edition, but it generally means that humans may not get the specific bonuses that certain races do, but they don't get any penalties, either.<br />
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In [[Basic Dungeons & Dragons|Basic]], humanity's biggest strength was that they were the only race that could actually take classes like [[Fighter]], [[Thief]] or [[Wizard|Magic-User]]. Other races, like [[Elf]], [[Dwarf]], [[Halfling]], [[Goblin]], [[Orc]], [[Gnoll]], etc, were treated as classes in their own right (early D&D was ''weird''), and often relied on [[Variant Class]]-analogues to expand their options.<br><br />
For example, [[Dwarf#BECMI|Dwarves could be taken as Dwarf-Clerics]], who were like [[Clerics]] but: better fighters, unable to turn undead, could reach 12th level and, -- oh yeah -- they were mandated to '''avoid''' casting spells where non-Dwarves could see them do it (unless it was a matter of life and death).<br />
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In [[Advanced Dungeons & Dragons|Advanced]], again, humanity's only major strength was their lack of penalties; humans alone could take any class to any level, whereas other races could only take specific classes, and could only rise to certain levels within those classes. It's unclear just how viable this was, because nobody seemed to really like the idea of non-humans having level limits based on their race; [[Baldur's Gate]] and [[Icewind Dale]] both dropped that mechanic like a hot potato. And even within the official supplements there were some treading on humanity's toes.<br><br />
For example, whilst the [[Paladin]] was envisioned as a human-only class, several races were released that could also become paladins, namely [[Rakasta]], [[Lupin|Lupins]], and [[Saurial|Saurials]].<br><br />
Humans also had unique [[Multiclassing#Advanced_Dungeon_.26_Dragons|multiclassing]] mechanics in the form of [[Multiclassing#Dual-classing|dual-classing]], which involved basically completely stopping your advance in one class and starting over from scratch in another one. Which, if you weren't using level limits, was demonstrably inferior to the [[demihuman]] ability of [[Multiclassing#Multiclassing|multiclassing]], where you progress in multiple classes ''simultaneously'' from character creation.<br />
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In [[Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition|3rd Edition]], humanity again had no ability score modifiers. However, a trend started that would influence the next three editions (and one spin-off): human versatility was given a mechanical basis, with humans now gaining a bonus feat at character creation, an expanded array of skill points (+4 at first level, +1 at each level), and having a [[Favored Class]] of Any, allowing them to [[Multiclassing#3rd Edition & Pathfinder|multiclass]] freely and without suffering XP penalties if they weren't taking levels in their "iconic" class.<br><br />
[[Pathfinder]] followed the same idea as 3E. The only changes are system wide where they only get +1 skill point at every level starting from first (getting 4 times as many skill points at level 1 no longer exists for anyone, instead you get a +3 bonus to a skill if it's a class skill), and [[Favored Class]] was changed so drastically that it couldn't be a bonus. Still awesome since they still gain that bonus feat and now they get a +2 to any one ability score of their choice. Humans also get the best alternative [[Favored Class]] bonus for spontaneous casting classes, gaining an extra spell known (of one level than the highest you can cast).<br />
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Ironically, [[Dungeons & Dragons 4th Edition|4th Edition]] did something similar: humans in that edition gained a +2 to a single ability score of their choice, and then progressed with a bonus skill (because in [[4e]] you're either proficient in a skill or not, there's no ascending scale anymore), a bonus feat, a +1 to all three of their [[Non Armor Defenses|NADs]], ''and'' a bonus At-Will power from their chosen class.<br><br />
This actually makes humans a pretty powerful race choice in their own right. Like the [[half-elf]], humans got the option to take a unique racial power instead of their bonus at-will: Heroic Effort lets them, once per encounter, add a +4 bonus to the result of either a missed attack roll or a failed saving throw.<br />
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Unfortunately, [[5e]] is where that winning streak basically collapsed. There are two different mechanical versions of humans in 5th edition; the standard human just gets a +1 to all six ability scores, which is... not ''bad'', but pretty low-down on the useful scale. Then there's the variant human, who instead gets a +1 to two ability scores of their choice, a bonus skill proficiency (5e skills working mostly like 4e skills) and a bonus feat. This makes variant humans '''the''' race of choice for power gaming, simply because feats in 5e are extremely powerful and other races can't get them until several levels into the game - and even then, only at the expense of an increase in ability scores. The [[Eberron]] Guidebook also included Dragonmarked subraces for humans that aren't as powerful as the PHB Variant Human, but still leaps ahead of the default mold.<br />
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Also, fun fact, 5e finally gave an explanation for why humans are the only race in the [[Great Wheel]] that don't have a single defining monolithic culture (orcs are savage brutes, elves are magic and nature-loving, etc): all the other races are like that because they have a racial god or pantheon of gods telling them how to behave. Humans originally had such a god, but they were killed very early in the Great Wheel's history. Info on this god is hard to come by, but secondhand sources say that it was Asmodeus' brother, and that he was the one who did the deed, but this sounds suspiciously similar to Pathfinder Asmodeus' backstory. All we know for sure is that we probably don't have to worry about [[Zarus]] rearing his nazi head any time soon.<br />
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== Humans in Star Wars==<br />
[[Star Wars]] is one of the many human-centric settings out there. Humans are the dominant and most populous species in the galaxy, [[What| despite the franchise explicitly being set in the distant past and another galaxy]]. Originally seeded throughout the galaxy as slaves by the long dead Rakata and the first post-Rakata species to discover hyperdrives on their own (aside from Duros, who invented it at roughly the same time), humans can be found almost anywhere in the known Galaxy. Most works of fiction in the Star Wars universe centre around the exploits of humans with non-humans as supporting cast. Ironically, the early ''Droids'', and ''Ewoks'' cartoons are still among the few that don't. Too be honest, all intelligent species in Star Wars act like human, from individual behaviors to social structure, they may has well just be different racial groups of humanity.<br />
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Human crossbreeds are actually quite limited in Star Wars. The only known crossbreeds are with near-human species that were human off-shoots in the first place, the result of Sith magic and possibly [[Twi'lek]]. The last one has one shown family of hybrids, but previous works explicitly established Humans and Twi'leks can't produce children. Since it wasn't ''explicitly'' a natural conception, it led to speculation it was the product of genetic engineering or other science. Even with near-humans, just because a crossbreed can be made doesn't mean they should: Hybrids can end up quite poorly. The most notorious being with the eyeless Miraluka who "see" through the force, who produce Human-Miraluka hybrids that most times end up with '''neither''' form of sight, producing an eyeless child that can't see through any means.<br />
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The Empire took human-centric to an extreme and became human supremacist. Aside from force sensitive minions (the early [[Star Wars d6]] content says the Emperor wanted to eventually establish a dark side theocracy with castes of Sith>Dark Jedi>Military>Everyone else, and that's still fits after 25 years of further material) and a few talented military leaders, most non-humans were second class citizens at best under the Empire. All stormtroopers are assumed to be human (or cloned human) under their armour. Ironically [[Nazi#Nazi_Portrayal|one of the fiercest supporters of this was not human]], but a hybrid of two near-human species with unusual skin tones that cancelled each other out. After the Battle of Endor and the descent of the remaining Imperials into factions ruled by warlords, this was often relaxed due to manpower shortages, factions being left far away from human-majority space, alien leaders, and plain-old the people that implemented it in the first place being dead.<br />
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Mechanically: The original [[Star Wars RPG|d6 based roleplaying game]] assumed a character was human if not stated otherwise. [[Star Wars d20]] literally uses the 3E D&D stats for humans with no changes except a minor difference in height and weight ranges (and that's mostly due to rounding when converting to metric system). d20 Humans were top of the pack since every other race was super weak, even compared to core 3.5. Saga Edition humans are virtually the same as d20 and 3.5, but are adjusted for the skill system working differently: They get an extra trained skill instead of bonus skill points. Saga edition buffed alien races enough and made class talent more important than feats that humans are actually fairly close in balance to other races. [[Star Wars Roleplaying Game|The system]] by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] has Humans in the core book of all three "games" (though for some reason it can't decide if humans should be listed first or alphabetically) and also takes the approach of giving humans a broader range of skills. There humans get balanced attributes (all 2s), 10% higher starting XP (point buy) and two extra skill points. Since humans are the majority of the population and near entirety of the Empire, disguise is most useful on a human.<br />
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== Humans in Magic: The Gathering ==<br />
Humans in [[Magic: The Gathering]] are mostly defined and given a place in the colour pie by their class, so they can be anything. Humans do have a few common trends however. Firstly they are all generally either cheap+weak, or are Legendary (unique individuals). Human tribal tends to occur in White, though this is largely due to tribal itself favouring White.<br />
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==Humans in Warhammer Fantasy Battle==<br />
Humans in WFB were a third race created by the [[Old Ones (Warhammer)|Old Ones]] to fight [[Chaos]], presumably in [[Nehekhara]] or [[Cathay]], and are implied to be a completely failed project, because unlike preceding [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Elves]] and [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy Battle)|Dwarfs]], they weren't particularly good at magic and were too easily corrupted. Their only advantage was fast breeding, and due to that, they were left by Old Ones on their own.<br />
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After the collapse of Polar Gates and the coming of Chaos, [[Warriors of Chaos|some people]] were corrupted or [[Beastmen|mutated]] by the Big Four, but generally human nations are Order-aligned. All of them are based on real-life nations and countries and are situated almost exactly in the same spot as their counterparts (like, for example, [[Albion]] is an island near [[Bretonnia]]). Generally speaking, they are the protagonists of WFB (especially [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|The Empire]]) and exist pretty much everywhere.<br />
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==Humans in Age of Sigmar==<br />
After the death of the entire setting, a new one was presented, and unsurprisingly, it features the same set of generic fantasy races, although stupidly renamed. Humans managed to evade the renaming though, and are generally similar to WFB humans in pretty much everything. Only two differences exist - they have [[Stormcast Eternals|Sigmarines]], and the Order-aligned ones are generally unified under the command of [[Sigmar]] and inspired solely by Holy Roman Empire. At least Azyrite ones.<br />
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==Humans in Warhammer 40k==<br />
<s>Same shit, but they're more unified than in WFB and much, much more xenophobic. There are also no independent undead factions, instead there are [[Squat|human biker dwarves]], [[Ogryn|human ogres]]</s> {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|Find out yourself, Heretic!}}<br />
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TLDR: Humanity fuck yeah, purge the xenos.<br />
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==Humans in Kings of War==<br />
{{NotFunny Sourcebook}}<br />
There are many humans splintered across the whole of Pannithor, some have been blessed/tainted by the Gods.<br />
Like all humans they are of any alignment and fall into loose them vs us factions, including:<br />
* [[Kings of War/Tactics/Kingdoms of Men|Kingdoms of Men]] - Human soup faction, meant to represent any and all "generic" kingdoms, in-lore however they are the various Successor Kingdoms.<br />
* [[League of Rhordia]] - Humans and Halflings sharing an uneasy alliance.<br />
* [[Basilea|Basileans]] - the holier-than-thou dictatorship of Good.<br />
* [[Order of the Brothermark]] - a splinter faction made from some from the Basileans and the now disbanded [[Brotherhood]].<br />
* [[Northern Alliance]] - a faction made from an alliance of the northern tribes of Dwarves, Elves, Naiads and Humans.<br />
* [[Order of the Green Lady]] - a splinter faction made from some from the Forces of Nature and the now disbanded [[Brotherhood]].<br />
* [[Abyssals|Forces of the Abyss]] - there are a few Humans, or whats left of their humanity within the ranks as Infantry and Cavalry.<br />
* [[Twilight Kin]] - there are a few Humans, or whats left of their humanity within the ranks as Cavalry.<br />
* [[Varangur]] - a Human faction which worship the old gods, considered evil by the other Pannithor dwellers.<br />
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The Humans even wield magic within some other factions<br />
* The Druids within the [[Forces of Nature]] and [[The Herd]]<br />
* The Necromancers of the [[Undead]]<br />
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'''Some notable Humans include:'''<br />
* [[Danor the Wizard]]<br />
* [[Gnaeus Sallustis]]<br />
* [[Orlaf the Barbarian]]<br />
* [[Clarion]]<br />
* [[Javis]]<br />
* [[The Captain]]<br />
* [[Dogs of War]]<br />
* [[Battle Shrine]]<br />
* [[Lady Ilona]]<br />
* [[Magnilde of the Fallen]]<br />
* [[Swain]]<br />
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[[Category:Scarred Lands Races]]</div>Pachinko Man