Editing Ork fikkshun

'''Ork Fikkshun''' is the story of the two Orks Orgutz and Gromgark, who work for their Warboss as problem fikksers. Orgutz is an impulsive ex-Kommando and the younger of the two, while Gromgark seems to be a Nob and is more level-headed (if that could be said of any Ork).

The writefaggotry is written in the style of Pulp Fiction, but with [[Orks]] instead of criminals and a lot of Ork slang. General consensus was that it was indeed awesome, and more was delivered upon request.

==Let's Rokk==

===Scene Wun===
"Oi, Gromgark, you know wot dem 'umies call dere shootas?" Orgutz said, shifting the trukk into the 13th gear. Green Deff vehicles generally started somewhere along the 10th gear or so, since Warboss Ingork hated having to accelerate before shifting into the higher gears.

"Nah, an' why should I give a zog?" Gromgark replied, picking his teeth with a bone he found in the corner of the trukk's passenger compartment.

"Cuz I say so, ya half-git. Dey's call dere shootas 'boltas'. Can ya believe dat?" Orguts turned the wheel sharply to the left, the entire trukk cringing. "I tell ya, I've been fightin' 'umies since I was a wee git an' I never heard no shoota make dat kinda noise. It jes' dun' make no sense."

Gromgark sighed, threw his tooth-picking bone to the side and leaned his back against the trukk's side. "Wot 'bout rokkits? Dey don't make no rokkit sound neither. Dey jes' kinda make dis 'fffsshhh' sound and den dey 'splode. An' snazzguns jes' sound like a couple'a shootas strapped tagether."

Orgutz stroked his chin, thinking really hard about what Gromgark just said. It was true that sometimes orks named their weapons after what they did and not what they sounded like, but what was a 'bolt'? But after a few seconds of hard thinking, his head started to hurt like that one time he got into a headbutting contest with the cybork Ugsnik. So he did what any self-respecting ork would do and pretended the conversation never happened.

"You hear wot dem screamin' 'umies wiv dem fancy 'ats do? Ol' Wotzutz tole me after we fought dose bugs on Hucks-Eyes."

"Wot, ya mean like dat 'umie wot krumped Orsnit? Da wun wiv da glowin' choppa?" Gromgark answered, yawning loudly. He looked like he would have fallen asleep long ago if it hadn't been for the fact that the trukk was constantly bouncing back and forth, probably due to the breakneck speed it was moving at.

"Yup, dat's da wun. So Wotzutz, 'e tells me da 'umies got dis fing called 'eresy, right?"

"'Eresy? Sounds weird..."

"Dun' hafta tell me. See, 'eresy's dere word fer unorky. Some git tries ta run away from a propa fight, it's 'eresy. Some git tries ta act like 'e's da boss when 'e's small an' weedy an' dun' 'ave no dakka either, it's 'eresy. So da 'umie wiv da fancy 'at, 'e's da 'umie nob. Anyone give 'im lip an' 'e jes' puts a slug in 'is 'ead. Zoggin' orky, it is! An' cuz 'umies are all da same size, 'e wears da 'at so da uvvers can see 'e's da boss."

"Wot about if 'e looses da 'at, den? Or wot if da uvver lads can't see 'im cuz 'e's too small? How dey gonna know who's da boss? Dey shoulda give 'im speshul shoes wot makes 'im look bigger. Dat woulda been da shmott fing ta do."

"Dey fink dey have beaten us lot. I fink it's safe ta say dey ain't shmott." Orgutz replied, suddenly slamming his massive green foot on the brakes. The trukk stopped surprisingly fast, tires screeching. The sudden stop threw the unprepared Gromgark headfirst into the passenger seat, a loud crunching sound echoing through the trukk as the ork's skull hit the metal.

"WOT DA ZOG DO YA FINK YER DOIN', YA GROT-LOVER!" Gromgark shouted furiously, drawing the knife he had made from a hormagaunt's talon during the fighting on Huxis Prime. Orgutz just turned around, a big grin revealing rows of gold-plated, crooked fangs.

"We's 'ere."

Gromgark looked at Orgutz for a second, and then started smiling too. Rising to his feet, he unholstered his slugga and cocked it. "Let's rokk."

==Scene Two==
"Yer sure ya kin take care'a dis?" Gromgark whispered, pressing his gigantic green ear against the door to listen for any sign that they had been discovered.

"Fer da last time, I get it." Orgutz replied, obviously annoyed. He held a massive shoota in his hands, consisting of what looked like three shotguns that had been welded together and supplied with an almost comically oversized sighting mechanism. "I jes' keep an eye on da gits, an' if any'o dem try ta do sumfink weird, I blast 'em."

"An ya let me do da talkin'."

"Right, an' I let you do da talkin'."

"Da Boss jes' want wot dey took. Da last fing we need is Skumplot bawlin' 'bout how we're unfair fer takin' wot belongs ta da lootas fair an' square and krumpin' 'is boyz an' Mork knows wot." It wasn't very common for orks to want to settle conflicts peacefully, but things had been a bit uneasy in the clan lately, and Gromgark sure didn't fancy waking up with a bomb squig shoved down his pants. Like it or not, they would have to do this without killing anyone.

"I'm an ex-kommando, ya know." Orgutz muttered under his breath. "I fink I know a bit more 'bout sneakin' up on gits dan some nob wiv more teef dan shmotts."

"Wot's dat?" Gromgark said, raising his left eyebrow.

"Nuffink. Let's jes' do dis right an' propa."

"Ya got dat right!"


With a roar, Gromgark kicked the door in, showering the shocked lootas inside with splinters. Before they had much time to react, Orgutz had fired several shots into the roof of the hut, making the surprised orks freeze in their tracks.

"Right, I see any o' you lot reach fer as much as a snotling-zappa an' my buddy 'ere'll blast dem stupid gubbinz clean off yer faces!" Gromgark roared, pointing his slugga straight at the closest ork. "Now, how'sabout you lot tell me where da gubbinz are?"

The loota just gave Gromgark a stupid look (well, stupid for an ork, at least) and looked at one of the others.

"Oi! I'm over here, squig-brains!" Gromgark shouted, the loota quickly turning his head to stare at the gun being pointed at him. "Tell me where da gubbinz are an' I won't hafta shoot yer orky bitz off."

"W-wot... Wot gubbinz?" The loota stuttered, staring at the floor.

"Oi! Lookit me! Dis 'ere's da last time I'm gonna tell ya 'fore I start shootin'! WHERE'S. DA. GUBBINZ?"

"I... I dunno wot gubbinz y-yer talkin' 'bout..."

Taking two steps forward, Gromgark stood a few inches from the loota. Since he was at least two heads taller, he had to tilt his head down in order to look him in the eye.

"Who's da boss 'round dese parts?"

"Wot?"

"I said: Who's da boss 'round dese parts, zog-face!" Gromgark accentuated his question by putting his slugga against the loota's temple, cocking it slowly.

"D-dat'd be Warboss Ingork."

"Dat's right. Looks like yer not completely zogged in da 'ead. Now, kin ya tell me wot Warboss Ingork looks like?"

"W-wot?"

Without warning, Gromgark smacked the loota in the face with the butt of his slugga, knocking him to the floor. The other two lootas started to run toward him, but were stopped by a warning shot from Orgutz's shoota.

"Dun' say 'wot' again. Fing's'll git ugly if ya do." Gromgark said, pulling the loota to his feet by his right ear. "I'll ask again. Wot does Warboss Ingork look like?"

"W-well... 'E's big. Real big. Like a dread. An' 'e's got all dese shiny metal gubbinz in 'is 'ead wot makes dese sounds like dem giant bugs in da swamp." The frightened loota responded, rubbing his head with fingers like green sausages.

"Right. An does 'e look like a grot?"

"Wot?"

The sound of bone cracking could be heard as Gromgark hit the loota again, this time hard enough to draw blood. The loota lay sprawled on his back, looking up at Gromgark, who was starting to look extremely angry.

"I told ya, din' I? Dun' git up. Does Warboss Ingork look like a grot ta you?"

"N-no. 'E doesn't look like a grot ta me." The loota exclaimed frantically, blood running down his forehead and into his eyes in a steady stream.

"An' why do ya zog 'im like 'e's a grot? Why do ya steal 'is gubbinz an' hide dem away? Did ya really fink 'e wouldn't find ya? Now tell me where da gubbinz are, 'fore I lose my payshunz."

At this point one of the other lootas raised his hand and opened his mouth. "I kin te-"

Before he had a chance to finish his sentence, there was a loud bang as half his head was blown clean off, and the loota fell backwards, a fountain of blood gushing from what remained attached to his neck.

"Oops!" Orgutz exclaimed, his shoota still smoking.

With a shout, the loota that had been standing next to the dead one threw himself against Orgutz, only to end up with a chest full of bullets the size of a man's fist. He fell to the ground face-first like a big green sack of squigs.

"Fer da love'a Gork..." Gromgark muttered, shooting the loota on the floor right between his eyes. "Why da zog did ya hafta do dat?"

"Ya saw 'im! 'E moved! Ya told me dat if anyone'a dem moved, I wos s'posed ta blast 'em, an' I did!" Orgutz shouted back, waving his shoota around like a giant finger.

"Zoggin' kommandos... Fink yer Ghazghkull, an' dis is Armer-Geddem. Why da Boss dun' jes' git rid o' da lot o' ya, I'll never unnerstand." Holstering his slugga and tucking his knife back into his belt, Gromgark stared at the mess Orgutz had caused. It wouldn't be long until someone came to find out what all the noise was about and if there was something to loot. "Let's jes' find da gubbinz an' git out 'fore ya can git us inta any more trouble."

"I told ya, it wosn't my fault! 'E shouldn't've moved like dat. You tole 'em to jes' stand still! Wot if 'e wos gonna reach fer a blasta or sumfink?" Orgutz exclaimed, sounding quite ashamed of himself.

"'E wos gonna tell us where da gubbinz were, dat's wot 'e wos gonna do, squig-brains! An ya zogged it! Now 'elp me look, 'fore we both end up on da wrong side of a deffblasta." Gromgark growled and started to dig through one of the various piles of junk scattered throughout the hut.

"I didn't fink dere was no right side to a deffblasta." Orgutz said and scrathed his head. He never was very good at this whole 'thinking' thing.

"Ain't you a zoggin' orksyklopedya! Now stop muckin' about an' find dose gubbinz, will ya?!"

==External Links==
*http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4974541/ - [[suptg]] archive of the thread that started it all.
[[Category:Stories]]