Editing The gamers

Original Article Writer's Note: Where should I start??? Probably as the author of this article, saying that while I'm unsure whether this has EVER been posted on 4chan (did search for HOURS the other day, but only found a few off-hand references), it is certainly one of the best Tabletop-related movie franchises (possibly the only one) I have had the pleasure of watching. I'd like to share it to you. This article is not explicitly related to /tg/, but it is related to /tg/'s subject matter: Dungeons and Dragons, Tabletop Gaming and Munchkins (the players, not the game). Please, read on. 

The Gamers 1-3 can be found legally on youtube at the following URL's:

'''The Gamers''': [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSynJyq2RRo]]

'''The Gamers: Dorkness Rising''': [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOUksDJCijw]]

'''The Gamers: Hand of Fate''': [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTRaBNafaU0&t=2255s]]

== What is 'The Gamers'? ==

The Gamers is a low-budget movie franchise made by Zombie Orpheus Entertainment. The first movie came out way back in the ancient past, where gaming idols like Gygax walked the earth, and where 1st edition D&D was new. The first movie does not explicitly say what game is featured in it, however it is assumed to be 1st Edition D&D. The movie focuses on the exploits of a gaming group, whose names are not revealed during the story. At the same time, the movie cuts to LARP of their characters (although it's technically nor LARP, but the actual characters the Gamers are playing). The character's quest is simple: Track down and defeat their nemesis, The Darkness, save the Princess, and get access to the kingdom's treasury. After many hilarious exploits, the Gamers defeat the Darkness. They then find a doorway into the real world, unknowingly kill their players...and then discover the princess is the girl across the hall who is consistently frustrated with the noise made by the nerds who they just killed. It's hard to explain the whole story, but it is both a homage and a parody of gaming tropes. The Gamers are classic neckbeards (one of them even HAS a neckbeard), the characters are your average party stereotypes (the Barbarian, the Ranger, the Wizard and the Rouge), and while the movie is extremely short and low-budget, it is simply amazing. 

The second movie (The Gamers: Dorkness Rising) follows the adventures of a different gaming group that we get to know better. This time, the movie is set during 4th Edition D&D, and features the characters Cass (the Monk-playing munchkin powergamer), Lodge (the GM bemoaning his immature and irresponsible players), Garry (the gamer playing the G.I.R.L sorcerer who can't quite get why women won't sleep with him), and Leo (the owner of the Games Store, who plays the redshirt bard Flynn). They are joined by Cass's Ex Johanna, who fulfils the role-player archetype compared to the munchkin powergamer stereotypes of the others. Their mission is to track down the Mask of Death, and defeat Mort Kemmnon, the evil necromancer. The same players also appear in the third movie, called 'The Games: Hand of Fate), but they're attending Gencon, while Cass plays in a CCG Tournament. 


== Notable Quotes ==
'''Original Movie'''
''GM'': You're going to Backstab him with a ballista???
''Nimble the thief'': Uh Huh.
''GM'': With a Fucking SIEGE weapon???!!!
''Nimble the thief'': Uh Huh.

----

''The Gamemaster": There's only one patron at the bar, and he doesn't notice you.

''Nimble the Thief'': I pick his pocket.

''The Gamemaster'': Roll it.

''Nimble the Thief'': Ha ha! Got it. Does he have any, uh, weapons or anything?

''The Gamemaster'': Yeah, he's got a knife.

''Nimble the Thief'': I take that too.

''The Gamemaster'': Ok. Roll it.

''Nimble the Thief'': Ha ha! Cool! I'm kicking ass! I want to steal his pants.

''The Gamemaster'': You're not serious?

''Nimble the Thief'': I am serious.

''The Gamemaster'': Why do you want his pants?

''Nimble the Thief'': I don't want them. I just want to see if I can steal them.

''The Gamemaster'': Fine, go ahead. But you suffer a negative eight penalty for difficulty.

[Dice rolls]

''The Gamemaster'': I don't believe it.

[pause]

''The Gamemaster'': Are you quite finished?

----

''Newmoon the Elf'': [interrupting the Gamemaster] Wait, wait, wait! Cross the river? Shouldn't we like... uh... bury him. You know like, give him a proper funeral?

''Nimble the Thief'': I agree!

''Ambrose'': [rolling up a new character, looking up surprised] Thanks, guys!

''Rogar, The Barbarian'': Yeah, yeah! Dude! We get 15 piety points per level when we bury a party member, and since he was level six...

''Nimble the Thief'': That be like 90 points!

''Rogar, The Barbarian'': Boohyah!

''Nimble the Thief'': Boohyah!

[Nimble highfives Rogar]

''Newmoon the Elf'': And that'll totally make up for that orphanage we burned down...

----

'''Second Movie'''

''Luster'': This flask is now full of holy water. Tell us what we want to know... or I'll give you a bath!

''Drazuul'': Your threat's empty. A paladin cannot stand by while torture takes place.

[Luster looks over at Sir Osric]

''Sir Osric'': [sighs] My, what fine yet rustic architecture. I think I will examine it more closely.

----

''Lodge'': [narrating] Flynn is alone with the Grimmoire.

''Leo'': I stab it! Wait! I BACKSTAB it!

''Cass'': Good call.

''Lodge'': Y-y-you can't backstab it! You can't *sneak-attack* an inanimate object!

''Leo'': Why not? It's PRONE!

''Lodge'': It doesn't have a discernible anatomy!

''Leo'': It's got a SPINE! Doesn't it?

[Leo rolls a fumble, causing Flynn to stab himself]

''Leo'': [in shock] Bards suck.

''Lodge'': That... was unprecedented, Leo.

----

''Brother Silence'': He who stumbles around in darkness with a stick is blind. But he who... sticks out in darkness... is... fluorescent!

[beat]

''Lodge'': Lose fifty experience.

----

''Gary'': I'm a wild mage. WILD! But you losers can call me "sorceress". That's right. I'm playing a chick.

''Leo'': Dude, you hot?

''Gary'': Seventeen charisma.

''Leo'': Wanna have sex?

''Gary'': Totally.

''Leo'': Great! I seduce him, uh her.

[Leo rolls his die]

''Leo'': Yes! I can totally seduce any homophobe with that roll!

''Lodge'': We *haven't* started yet. You guys *haven't* met!