Editing HS40K (section)

==Chapter One==

"Yeah, my dad gave me 'The Talk' last night," Scout Marine groaned.

Lolcron turned his soulless gaze toward Scout and stared. Angry Marine continued to glare into his brown paper lunch bag.

"MOTHERFUCKING HAM SANDWICH FOR THREE DAYS IN A GODDAMN ROW." Angry brought his armored fist down on the tabletop, crushing his lunchbag flat. "I FUCKING HATE HAM."

Scout sighed. "Then go buy the cafeteria hot lunch, man."

"FUCKING CREAMED CORN AND SHITLOAF SURPRISE? FUCK THAT SHIT."

"Trade with someone, moron," intoned Lolcron.

Angry stood and frowned belligerently around the lunchroom. As usual, the three friends had a table to themselves. Not toward the south side windows, with the popular kids, but in the corner by the outside door. The room was filled with a buzz of conversation. The Dark Eldar Wych and Daemonette were laughing, probably at someone's expense. A Techpriest and a fat, sweating Ork Mekboy were arguing loudly over a complex cardgame.

"Heexcuse mee..."

Angry turned and growled at the skinny, snaggle-toothed girl trying to edge past him. She clutched a lunchbag in both hands and her eyes were resolutely fixed on the door.

"HOLD IT." Angry grabbed the girl's arm, the fingers of his gauntlet closing like a vise. She flinched. "WHAT'S IN THE FUCKIN' BAG?"

"Hwee...we captured thees waffles for kay-osss..."

Angry snatched his smashed bag from the tabled and shoved it toward her face. Meat juice dripped from the darkening paper.

"TRADE ME."

"Whaat...whatever hyoo desire..."

"Cut it out, Angry." Scout was blushing with embarrassment at his cousin's behavior. "Let her go."

Angry turned and snarled at Scout. The grinding of his teeth was almost audible.

"Come on, man, you can have my meatbread, I'm not even hungry. God-Emperor, you're being such an asshole."

Angry shoved the girl away and flopped back down into his seat. "Gimme the fuckin' meatbread, asscunt."

Scout pushed the remains of his lunch across the table with a sigh, and looked up at the girl. "Sorry about that, uh..." He trailed off, realizing he had no idea who she was. She stared at him.

Blushing, she turned and hurried out the door.

For a moment, the three sat in silence. Except for Angry, who muttered and cursed as he stuffed his face.

Lolcron broke the quiet. "What talk, meatbag?"

Scout blinked at him. "Uh, what?"

"You told us Guilliman gave you 'The Talk'. Explain."

"Oh. Uh...Empra, you know. The purging talk."

"I do not know."

Scout blushed again, irritated at the memory. "He sat me down and gave me this long lecture about how I was growing up, and all the changes my geneseed would be causing, and how he knew it was a confusing time for a young marine. Then he launched into this bit about how I'd be feeling these urges to purge xenos and heretics, and how this was all perfectly normal, but I should never purge without proper protection and armament. God-Emperor, I've never been so embarrassed."

Angry spoke up, spitting crumbs of meatbread across the table. "Fucking old fart thinks you're a goddamn little kid. We're fucking teenagers, it's not like we've never fucking purged a bitch before. Amiright, Lolcron? FUCK."

Lolcron nodded slowly. "Many a wretched biological has fallen to my Gauss flayer. Their screams echoed as they begged for mercy, for kindness alien to my icy mind."

"Fuck yeah, 'cron."

The two turned to look at Scout, who was staring intently at his hands.

Angry's jaw fell open, and his eyebrows lowered. "MOTHER FUCK. You're fucking unblooded."

Scout was turning red. "Dammit, Angry, shut up."

"Fuck, it's true, you've never fucking purged anyone! Fucking fuck!"

Scout gritted his teeth.

Angry was giving him a look of combined contempt and astonishment. "Shitting dick-nipples, Scout, with the amount of play your brother Ultramarine gets, he never fuckin' sent any your way? That thundering asshole purges a different xeno bitch every night of the goddamn week!"

"Well, yeah," Scout muttered, "It's easy for him, he's captain of the damn Bloodbowl team."

"You should ask out Cultist-chan."

The two Marines looked at Lolcron in surprise. "What the fuck are you talking about, you creepy metal fuck?" spat Angry.

His deathless eyes stared back at them, unblinking. "Cultist-chan. The girl you accosted. Ask her on a date. Then purge her."

Scout sputtered. "She's kinda cute, yeah, but what makes you think..."

Lolcron interrupted in his sepulchral monotone. "She is unpopular. She is moderately attractive, but not sufficiently so to overcome her social disadvantages. Her family situation is tenuous and chaotic. There is a high probability that she has self-esteem issues and craves acceptance. She may be attracted to you, and you rescued her from a problematic situation."

"Fuck yeah, easy purge!" Angry yelled loudly enough that Scout glanced around at the other tables to make sure no one was looking at them. "And did you see the way she fuckin' dresses, that ripped-up goth shit? No fuckin' armor save on that shit, she's fuckin asking for it! I'll loan you my fuckin' Landraider so you can take her out. FUCKIN DO IT, FAGGOT."

"Alright, alright, Empra, I'll ask her out." Scout slumped in his seat. In the grim darkness of the far future, being a teenager sure was complicated.