Editing Roman Empire (section)

==Roman History 101==

=== The Mythos ===
According to the legends, the ancestry of the Romans can be traced back to the once-powerful city state of Troy. Initially, Troy was winning, but thanks to a [[tactical genius]] named Odysseus, they were tricked into accepting a gift horse statue... which contained Greek warriors who [[Exterminatus|sacked and burned the city and all its inhabitants]]. Troy's salvation would only come when a Trojan aristocrat, Anchises, managed to impregnate nobody else but Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love, herself. Aphrodite gave birth to whom the Romans consider their Saviour and Ancestor: the man, the myth, the legend, Prince Aeneas. 

Aeneas and his surviving Trojans sailed from Asia Minor (Turkey) all throughout the Mediterranean, fighting monsters and disasters through the way, eventually landing in what is now Tunisia, ruled by a city called Carthage: Hera's favourite city, and dominion of the queen Dido. Hera hated the Trojans, doing in all her power to prevent them from accomplishing their destiny, and hence manipulated Dido and Aeneas to fall in love so that they could waste their time fucking each other for so many years. Zeus, realising what Hera had done, came down and bitched-slapped Aeneas to fulfilling his destiny of making a new Troy in the unknown lands of Italia. Aeneas came to his senses and left Carthage, but in doing so, Dido fell into a massive depression, killing herself in a pyre while cursing him and all his descendants.
  
One of Aeneas's descendants in Italia, Princess Rhea, would be impregnated by the God of War himself, Mars. Their children would be known as Romulus and Remus. After rebelling against the Etruscans, they formally founded the city of Rome in 753 BCE... unfortunately Romulus accidentally killed his brother over a dispute on where to place the Pomerium (i.e. city borders). Rome, as the city was known, was underpopulated, consisting mostly of refugees. In order to populate his new city, Romulus enticed Sabine women to come to their little city, and while everyone was drunk, Romulus would then signal to rape (meaning [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rape#Etymology_1 abduct]) every Sabine woman in sight, which naturally pissed off the Sabine men. Luckily however, Stockholm Syndrome prevented war from breaking out and Rome got to live on. What we actually know of that time period was that Rome was one of several minor city states in that area and was ruled by Kings. Somewhere down the line the Roman kingdom is no longer ruled by a Roman, but by an Etruscan, whose son named Lucius Tarquinius Superbus (yes, his name was [[awesome|Superbus]]) rapes (meaning [[rape]]s) a girl named Lucretia.

=== Early Wars ===
Everything above is... suspect to say the least.  But this is the point where we do know things.  Rome was a city built on seven defensible hills.  They were surrounded by tribes that didn't like them, namely the Etruscans.  They fought a bunch of wars with them, and had some internal disputes as well.  In 509 BC, the Roman monarchy was thrown down and replaced by a Republic.  Over the next two hundred years the Republic got better and better at fighting, eventually defeating all the tribes around them.  What made them different was how they treated the losers.  As individual Etruscan tribes and cities were knocked off, they were assimilated into the Republic, ultimately giving the men of those cities more liberty than they'd had previously had.  So Rome didn't so much "conquer" as "expand", taking a system that basically worked pretty well (at least at this scale) and forcing it on their neighbors, who eventually grew to appreciate how well it worked.  But it was working well because at this point the whole of the Republic was still confined to central Italy and could be crossed on foot in a week or two.

=== The Punic Wars ===

Meanwhile, Carthage, the city once ruled by Dido, was the dominant superpower of the Western Mediterranean, unmatched in wealth and influence, able to bend the Greek kings to their will. Eventually there began to be some friction between the two groups as Carthage moved into Sicily and Sardinia, compromising Roman trade in the Mediterranean. This led to three wars called the Punic Wars where the descendants of Aeneas and Dido clashed.

The first Punic War (264 BCE to 241 BCE) involved the Romans fighting the Carthaginians and its Greek allies over Sicily and Sardinia. The Romans begin to take to the sea for the first time. Rome suffered massive casualties at first, until they reverse-engineered a Carthaginian ship and started pushing back (with the incredible innovation of adding a ramp to the front)... while still taking massive causalities.  See Rome was still pretty new to this whole "navy" thing and kept losing fleets to storms.  But after twenty three years of fighting, Carthage threw in the towel, paying Rome over three thousand talents of silver to leave them alone (a talent of silver, 26 kilos, was the usual measure of enough silver to maintain and crew a ship for a month).  [[Nazis|This crushing economic burden fostered resentment]] making a second war all but inevitable.

Eventually shit happened involving a Greek colony and war sparks again. A guy named Hannibal, whose father commanded the Carthaginian forces last time, swears revenge on the Romans. He invades Spain, [[Creed|brings elephants over the Alps]] and into Italy (at heavy cost), and generally starts wrecking shit, obliterating every Roman army he comes across. The only thing stopping him from destroying Rome is his army is too small to lay siege properly so the Roman regroup under Fabius "[[Troll|The Delayer]]" Maximus, who used hit-and-run tactics to keep the army away from Rome, intending to starve him out rather than risk a direct fight.. Meanwhile, Roman general Scipio Africanus leads his army through Carthagian Spanish colonies all the way through Africa to Carthage itself, Hannibal is called back to defend his home, and gets defeated. Carthage then becomes a dependent "ally" to the Republic, basically being sucked dry of its resources. Eventually around 149 BC Carthage was rebelling and pissing off the Romans again thus resulting in the Third Punic War. A few years later [[Exterminatus|Carthage itself was destroyed, the earth around the city was salted,]] [[Grimdark|and the surviving population was sold into slavery]]...or so the legend goes, as there isn't really any good evidence for the Romans having salted the land but there's evidence ''against'' it (Rome rebuilt and recolonized the area later, and salt was probably too valuable in those times for that to happen).

=== The Height of the Roman Republic===
While Rome's citizen-armies were quite successful militarily, there was a minor crisis brewing; many of these citizens found themselves homeless upon returning from campaign, their land having been sold off in their absence. To deal with this growing problem came the Marian reforms, in which the Roman state (through its generals) would instead raise armies of dedicated professional soldiers ala Sparta: the [[Space Marines|Legions]]. While this solved the immediate problem of soldiers having nowhere to go back to, this created a new one; generals, particularly the emergency military position of Dictator (who had complete control over the armies *and* power to rewrite the constitution), became quite powerful as a result; especially the change of upkeep. The old field-tending citizen soldiers' upkeep was land and they bought their own weapons; now the new, state-funded army needed cold cash, and more taxes during their service AND needed arable farmland for retirement. In short, the end of the Republic had become an inevitability, and Rome needed to constantly fight, enslave and plunder to keep the [[Warmachine]] going. Almost immediately, civil wars centered on factional power struggles started erupting, and the office of Dictator was revived when it had been unused since Hannibal's invasion.

By the end of the Republic, the real power was held by the so-called "Triumvirate" of Rome's three most powerful men: [[This Guy|Gaius Julius Caesar]], [[That Guy|Pompeius Magnus]], and [[That Guy|Marcus Licinius Crassus]] (Ever wonder where the words pompous and crass come from?). After Crassus died in Persia ([[Lulz|Hilariously, his captor poured molten gold down his throat after seeing his insane greed]]), tensions between Caesar and Pompey grew. With Carthage destroyed, there was nothing left that could stop Rome from taking over the Mediterranean world. When Rome wanted to conquer an area they gave the local rulers two choices: [[Tau Diplomacy|Surrender and pay taxes to Rome]], or resist and [[Blam|be purged]]. Either way, Rome got more territory, more wealth, and more slaves, and expanded more or less uncontested until they got to Gaul. These uncivilized brutes continued to resist until the Romans got sick of their bullshit and sent in Caesar with a few legions to deal with it. [[/tg/ gets shit done|He did just that]], and became very popular as a result. 

Too popular for the liking of Pompey and the Senate, not to mention now ''hideously'' rich, possessing an enormous army complemented with Germanic (Ubian) cavalry and allied tribes. The Senate also hated how Caesar used the Triumvirate's political machinations to push reform bills instead of the "proper" channels of gaining approval from the Rome's patriarchs; even though they were too gridlocked to do anything about Rome's myriad problems, doing nothing was better than letting an upstart undermine their authority. They ordered him to disband his armies or be labeled an enemy of the state. Caesar's response was "you first"; thus [[Age of Apostasy|embroiling Rome in a civil war]], which he won by Zerg Rushing the city and scaring the fuck out of his rivals. He uses this popularity to become Dictator for life, essentially restoring Rome back into an absolute monarchy. As a result his close friend [[Horus|Brutus]] and his former allies in the Roman Senate stabbed him to death. [[Horus Heresy|This caused another Civil War]], now between Octavian, Caesar's nephew out for revenge, and the [[Traitor Legions|Senators]], led by Mark Antony and allied with Cleopatra. Antony and Cleopatra lost and committed suicide, while Octavian was proclaimed Augustus, the revered one, and establishing the [[Imperial Cult|Imperial cult]]; due to Caesar's supposed descent from the Gods (the gens Julii from were Caesar was born were directly descended from both Venus and Mars, respectively through Aeneas and Romulus), he was therefore venerated as the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|God-Emperor of Romankind,]] and marking the transition from the Roman Republic to the '''Imperium of Rome'''.

Just go and watch the 2-season TV Series Rome, which is ''quite historically accurate'' except Octavian's mom Atia, who was a religious prude IRL. (Fulvia, another character IRL would do the things she did)

For next two hundred years the Imperium ruled the Mediterranean and Europe as one of the ancient world's most influential superpowers, with many states either conquered or offered Protectorate Status under the Pax Romana (they'll allow you independence, as long as you pay taxes and venerate the God-Emperor in some way). It sees a [[Goge Vandire|few bad emperors like Nero]], [[Reasonable Marines|some good philosopher-kings like]] [[Roboute Guilliman|Marcus Aurelius]], and a lot of stability, wars of succession notwithstanding. Rome even manages to make it to the Indian Ocean and make contact with Han China, though this relationship is short-lived; everything goes to the shithouse from there, because...

===The Collapse of the Imperium===
Rome's fall can be attributed to any number of reasons, and any self-styled amateur historian would be more than happy to explain to you his opinions on the subject, but it's widely agreed that there were a number of contributing forces, including but not limited to:
* Even under the reign of Julius Caesar and the early emperors, cracks were starting to form. Population decline had already begun, especially in the cities where death rates routinely outpaced birth rates; [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/892aud/augustus_is_said_to_be_worried_about_the_low/ in part because of archaic Roman society rules, lead poisoning, urbanization], and all of the wealthy landowners having seized up all the good land in Italy and leaving behind a growing unskilled urban population that needed the state to take care of them. This was what partly fueled the Roman war machine, land and funds needed to support Roman's citizens, but of course they couldn't go conquering forever, so once Rome's borders stalled, and the state's costs increased, something was going to give eventually. And even today we all know that a big, dense urban landscape is not a healthy environment for raising large families economically.
* Increased logistical sluggishness of maintaining a sprawling empire, such that it had to split itself into two because it had become too large for a single Emperor to rule on his own. This solution solved that problem but created new ones down the line, as the Western and Eastern halves of the empire (which were ruled by separate emperors that rarely if ever got along) tended to go to war with each other over petty rivalries. 
* The various Legions becoming more loyal to their generals than the Imperium; throughout Rome's history, the Empire had always struggled with the fact that the Roman legions trusted their allegiance more to their local generals than the will of the Senate (although by the time the empire started to collapse, the senate had virtually no power anyway) or the Emperor. Said generals frequently followed Caesar's example and got it into their heads to make themselves Emperors; some of them turned out to be pretty good at work, but far more tended to be better at leading armies than ruling over an empire. 
* Said Legions being unable to adapt to new arts of warfare. Footslogging, fortification building, shortsword-and-javelin bearing turtles made of tower shields may have been enough for wild Gauls with no discipline. But when entire tribes of highly mobile horsemen and rapid-moving swarms of densely populated Eastern empires are fought against, it's an entirely different matter. Note that Byzantium, a.k.a Eastern Roman Empire survived for another millennium ''exactly'' because it adapted to its neighbours arsenal, raised its own horse archers named Hippotoxotai after inviting a "barbarian" general or two on how do I shot web, heavy cavalry named Cataphracti (based on Persian Clibinarii), and lightened the legions into rapid deployment.
* Economic and famine crises as Roman farmers were out priced by foreign imports; Egypt and Carthage completely shifted the wheat production to the east, and fields in the Western empire were converted to fruit and vegetable orchards, which were quite perishable. It was not until hardy crops from the Americas (like potatoes, corn, and sweet potatoes) reached western and northern Europe several centuries later that said regions developed sufficient food stability to ensure steady population growth. By contrast, the Eastern half of the empire did just fine since they were the half with all the valuable land. Said wealth from food stability and trade enabled the Eastern Empire to bribe off the Germanic and Slavic migrants (until they lost their breadbasket provinces to the Arabs). 
* A disastrous combination of heavy urbanization without understanding germ theory led to events like the [[Wikipedia:Antonine Plague|Antonine Plague]], which killed about 10% of the empire's population.
* [[Barbarian|Germanic barbarians]], who were fleeing from the Huns and usually rebelled after being constantly treated like shit by the Romans despite being responsible for fighting most of the Romans' wars on their behalf. In hindsight, forcing the migrant Goths to sell their children into slavery for just enough dog meat to avoid starvation was a real dick move. And while all of them paid lip service to the Emperors (both Western and Eastern) as vassals in names, they were more than willing not to fight if their people’s’ interests were ignored.
* [[Game of Thrones]]-style court intrigue: Emperors killing emperors, perpetual backstabbing between dynasties, trading places like it's fucking musical chairs, made even worse by the fact that the Empire never had any kind of consistent succession rules at any point during its history. At least the [[Adeptus Custodes|Praetorians]] were ready to off an aspiring Emperor if they believed he was too insane to hold office...or if they felt they weren't getting paid enough, or if they thought they could get more benefits from someone else. On one occasion the Praetorians even sold the position of Emperor to the highest bidder; the "lucky" buyer didn't even last three months before getting overthrown and executed by a rival claimant. This had another side effect of letting the Eastern Roman Empire (Byzantium) lose the recipe for a primitive flamethrower (royal family hid the instructions separately, only for everyone who knew where they were to die in one of the many coups) and get dog piled by Muslims.
* Lead poisoning from widespread use of lead-sealed pipe and pewter-ware; however, this is balanced against them having comparatively clean water for such large cities.  
* Terminus, God of Borders asking Dream to speak to Caesar Augustus in a vision, to let the empire die so he may live on. The alternative was to let Rome conquer the world and the universe, effectively destroying Terminus. (Yes, we are comic nerds.) 
* The rise of the Christian faith to political dominance, which resulted in A: a mass transference of manpower from the military to the priesthood (this was LONG before Christian monks and priests were required to practice celibacy & austerity, so the average young Roman man decided that it was way easier, safer and more comfortable to join the clergy than the army), forcing an ever-increasing reliance on mercenaries (always a bad thing, for an empire), and B: the ever-increasing drain of funds away from infrastructure maintenance to pay this increasingly bloated priesthood to do nothing but sit around, give sermons, and hold councils arguing over theological trivia like "how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" (all of them) and "was Mary still a virgin after she gave birth to Jesus?" (yes-ish). Note that this contribution is highly [[skub]]by, and people argue '''bitterly''' over whether it's true or not (not helped by the fact that at least some of the historians who championed this theory had a clear bias against Christianity that led them to play fast and loose with facts, such as Edward Gibbon).

Heck, even the cooling solar cycle that made the Huns break out in two, one to Europe, another to India, is said to be the driving force in its collapse since before them came every other tribe that wanted to get the fuck away from [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|the teaser trailer of a certain swell guy's antics]]. The East splitting off didn't do the Western lands any favors either, especially when said wheat and exotic produce was utterly cut off. Eventually, the barbarians got all the way to Rome, sacked it (in 410, not in 476, though it had not been the actual capital for about 200 years by that point anyway), deposed the Emperor, and made one of their own the king of Italy. This is the part where most experts say the Western Roman Empire was well and truly dead.

===The Byzantine Empire===

Things were a bit better in the wealthier Eastern Roman Empire after the split. The Byzantine Empire, as it's now called though they still called themselves the Roman Empire, drifted from Rome in culture and aesthetic to the Greek trend, and more or less carried on much as it had before (including the palace intrigue, which if anything became even worse than ever before). On a couple occasions, they came close to recapturing the glory of the old Roman Empire, but this was foiled by the first known outbreak of the Black Death (the Plague of Justinian) the first time and the coming of the Seljuk Turk raiders (and the rise of the Sultanate of Rum) the second time.  The Byzantines' call for aid in the aftermath of the latter decades of conflict ended up leading to the First Crusade.

Fast-forward to the Fourth Crusade in 1204. The Crusaders lacked the money to sail to the Ayyubid Sultanate as they had initially planned and were deeply in debt to the Republic of Venice, whose doge (we swear, that was the title of their chief elected official) refused to let them disband or leave without paying their debts. The exiled Byzantine prince Alexios IV promised to pay the debt for the Crusaders in exchange for deposing the current emperor and placing him on the throne. While successful at gaining the throne, the new emperor quickly realized that he didn't actually have the funds to fulfill his promises. Anti-Crusader sentiment eventually led to his deposition and execution, which the Crusaders used as an excuse to sack the city for its wealth. 

Following the sack, the Crusaders named one of their own as emperor of the new "Latin Empire" (torpedoing any hope of reconciliation between Roman Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy in the process), with the old Byzantine state being dispersed between three smaller rump states- the Empire of Trebizond, the Nicene Empire, and the Despotate of Epirus. You probably never heard of them, and for good reason- they didn't accomplish much of interest while they were around. The next few decades were dominated by fighting between the Latins, the rump states, the Sultanate of Rum, and the newly independent Bulgarian Empire.

1n 1261, the Nicene Empire was able to reclaim Constantinople and restore the Byzantine Empire, but the resources from the old Byzantine provinces had been bled dry from decades of war. The new emperors proved to be incompetent and alienated their people through heavy taxation and continued strife with the Latins, and after yet another civil war the Byzantines were forced to become vassals to the Osman/Ottoman sultan. However, their relationship with the Ottoman Turks was strained at best and when hostilities resumed the Byzantines were reduced to Constantinople alone. The city (the modern-day Istanbul) fell to Ottoman invasion by Sultan Mehmet II (seeking to prove he was a strong ruler so his relative wouldn't overthrow/execute him) in 1453, and the Byzantine Empire collapsed with it. Trebizond and Epirus limped on for slightly longer, but both had fallen by 1479, ending the last direct political rule of the Roman world.

=== Legacy ===
Even after its fall, the Roman Empire left a mark on western civilization in terms of writing, language, military organization, architecture, legal systems and philosophy. Many major European cities like London or Milan started out as Roman Colonies. In certain fields (in particular medicine, sanitation and plumbing) the Romans were more advanced than their European counterparts up until fairly recently. The end of the middle ages is generally known as "the Renaissance", the rebirth of western civilization which did involve some attempts by the upper class to recreate the better aspects of the Empire. For this reason various subsequent western cultures attempted to try to recreate some of Rome's Grandeur. The most obvious of these was the Unholy German Abomination called "Holy Roman Empire", which was neither Roman nor an empire (and was only "holy" because the current Pope said it was) but whatever. The Tsardom of Russia proclaimed itself as The Third Rome. Numerous other European monarchs as well as Ottoman Sultans declared themselves as being Emperors or Czars/Tsars/Kaisers/Kayzar-i-Rum ([[Gay|yup, Mehmed II named himself the real successor to Caesar after sacking the city of Constantinople for 3 days]]). Monarchs drew upon the idea of the authority and splendor of the Emperors, Republics drew on the roman concepts of rule of law, elected governments and civil rights.

Arguably its greatest legacy, in the sense of most significant cultural/historical impact, is Christianity and the relations between it and the Empire. Christianity formed and was developed in the Roman world, and was used to preserve various Roman traditions, particularly the military and the government. One of the largest sects of adherents in early Christian history was from the Army; the first non-Jewish Christian was a centurion, and Orthodox processions during the Liturgy are heavily derived from procession of the standards of the legions. On the other hand, Christianity basically divinized the concept of the Roman Empire and office of the Emperor to the point that the majority of Christian kingdoms and empires had a persistent obsession with being the true heir of Rome (which would basically mean that the realm would head the Imperium and thus have a legitimacy to lead the entirety of Christendom, as it is mentioned above).