Editing Sun Wukong (section)

==Backstory==
Sun Wukong was born from a stone egg, which was contained within an ancient rock that had been created by [[PROMOTIONS|the coupling of Heaven and Earth]]; the meteor struck a mountain inhabited by wild monkeys. (Yes, this is the basis for Goku's origin, so [[/co/|Superman fanboys]] claiming originality can eat shit.) Despite his categorically extra-terrestrial origin, he emerged from the magical egg looking much like the locals, save for being made of rock. After leading his tribe to the well-hidden source of a stream, Sun Wukong took the title of "Handsome Monkey King". From there he would proceed to travel the world and establish further influence and power, making several alliances after collecting powerful weapons and armour like your average JRPG protagonist. This included his trademark staff, phoenix-feather cap, gold chain-mail shirt and cloud-walking boots.

At some point, the Chinese equivalent of Hell came calling for his soul; rather than accept death and reincarnation, Wukong decided to [[Settra the Imperishable|wipe the names of him and any monkey he knew from the Book of Life and Death.]] This pissed off the gods - in particular troubling Yama (also known as Enma), the other Kings of Hell and the Dragon Kings - due to the inherent blasphemy and the sheer clerical hell that would result. When the [[The God-Emperor of Mankind|Jade Emperor]] got wind of this, he figured the solution was to kick Sun Wukong upstairs to Heaven, thinking that a place amongst the gods would keep him in line. Unfortunately, he tried to pull one over on the Monkey King - Wukong was indeed admitted to heaven, but as protector of the Cloud Horses, I.E. [[Lulz|a fucking stable boy]]. 

When he found this out, the Monkey King's reaction was [[RAGE|measured and reasonable]]: he set the horses loose, fucked off back to his mountain and declared himself "The Great Sage, Heaven's Equal (齊天大聖)". Unable to arrest the sneaky bastard, Jade Emps thought to pacify him again, this time appointing him guardian of a heavenly peach garden. While a much higher position than before, it conveniently excluded him from being invited to a royal banquet for all the ''important'' gods. [[Derp|Apparently Jade Emps thought the same trick would work twice.]]

Deciding to step his rebellion game up a notch, he drinks the Jade Emperor's royal wine, along with chowing down on longevity pills and the garden's peaches - which he likely was doing anyway, since each peach on their own would grant immortality. Thoroughly stocked up on extra lives, the Monkey King then proceeded to '''''solo the entire Army of Heaven''''' - 100,000 celestial warriors, all 28 constellations, and the four Heavenly Kings - all without breaking a sweat. He even matched the strength of Erlang Shen, a pretty cool guy who is the Jade Emp's nephew, has a [[Archaon|truth-seeing 3rd eye on his forehead]] and was the best of Heaven's generals; even when Sun Wukong was captured, it was only through the combined efforts of Taoist and Buddhist forces, including several of the greatest deities, and finally Guanyin, a Bodhisattva (an incredibly powerful god-like entity that guides others towards enlightenment, and the only one who could actually subdue and control him).

...And then what? They certainly couldn't execute the Monkey King for obvious reasons, and trying to distil him into an elixir for recreating the longevity pills [[FAIL|just made him '''stronger''' and gave him even more fucking superpowers]]. Enter Buddha, as in '''THE [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gautama_Buddha Buddha]''', who appeals to his pride by claiming that he can't escape the Buddha's palm. Sun Wukong accepted, being the smug motherfucker he is, and leaps almost effortlessly to an area with five pillars, where he leaves his mark by writing his title on them (and in some versions by ''peeing'' on them as well). Leaping back, he finds himself back in the Buddha's palm, where it turns out he'd never left - [[Just As Planned|the pillars he'd marked were Buddha's ''fingers.'']] Having one-upped the ultimate trickster, Buddha then turns his hand into a mountain and traps him under it, sealing him with a special talisman before he can lift it off (yeah, he can bench press mountains, get on his fucking level).

Then the monk Xuanzang came along, prompting the Monkey King to bargain for his freedom - as it happens, Guanyin (the Bodhisattva who had helped captured him previously) is searching for disciples to act as his bodyguard, and allows him to join. Buddha ensures his compliance with an unremovable headband that he tricks Sun Wukong into wearing, which tightens painfully when the monk chants a certain sutra. (That's 2-0 for Buddha!) Guanyin decided it wasn't fair for Buddha to COMPLETELY own his shit, and gave Wukong three super-special 'emergency' hairs. He then sets off with the monk, and the rest is history.