Editing Vikings (section)

==Culture==
Vikings believed that when they died in battle (preferably in a totally fuck-awesome way) they would go to a place called Valhalla to become one of the Einherjar (Chosen Slain) or to Fólkvangr (the realm controlled by Freyja, the Nordic goddess of love, prosperity, spring and being foxy as hell; also a death goddess and war goddess, which is why she gets half the chosen warriors in the first place), where they would chug booze, [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|eat all the meat and cheese they wanted]], and (if that actually managed to get dull) participate in massive murderfests only to be fully healed the next day and ready to do it all over again. On the other hand, if they died in bed or in a totally lame way (such as AIDs or cancer or... actually anywhere but battle is lame) they would instead go to a totally boring place called Hel where NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED! '''EVER!''' (As you might imagine, this became problematic for many of their folk heroes who were just that fucking hard to kill). And if ''that'' weren't bad enough, people who committed what the vikings saw as the unforgivable sins, like oathbreaking, went to a prison overseen by the goddess of the dead (Who is also named Hel). The ceiling is made from the bones of serpents, which drip burning venom, the halls are waist-deep in cold, slimy blood, and there is nothing to drink but goats piss and nothing to eat but rotten food (basically a Minnesota Vikings game, but one that never ends and the weather's always bad). The exception is if you died while giving birth, then you got go to Valhalla; the vikings were surprisingly fair for their day in their attitudes towards the sexes.

That said, there was the ''third'' way to die. Dying at sea was totally cool for the Vikings, for while the Battle-junkies went to Valhalla and Freya, and the lame ones went to Hel, the Sea-Bears went to the Halls of Aegir, god of the sea, where they got their own Watery Valhalla.

This is of course a massive oversimplification of Norse afterlife beliefs. The Norse peoples did have these four primary after life destinations, with the Folkvangr also taking heroes and people who lived valiantly that didn't die in battle... because Freyja's not about to miss out on some ass kickers or talented folks just because they died in bed. That said, her hall, Sessrúmnir, is battle dead only, just like Valhalla, so if you want the premium seats, die in battle. Hel on the other hand could not suck. If Hel herself found you "interesting", and you're not on the eternal punishment list, you could find yourself invited into her hall to keep the goddess of the dead company till Ragnarok. Could be worse all things considered. Then there was a variety of local afterlives. Think sacred mountains and the like. This subject goes as deep as you want it to in the end. The works of Dr. Jackson Crawford are a great place to start if you'd like to know more. He even has a youtube channel... and has written out the entire Hávamál, aka Odin's Guide On How to be a True Norse Chad, in cowboy English. 

Yet [https://historycollection.com/16-facts-about-the-brutality-of-viking-life/ there's good reasons Vikings have a reputation for brutality].  In short, showing one's strength, dominance and fighting were valued parts of Norse/Viking society and their beliefs included animal and human sacrifices to the gods (even Thor was given such sacrifices, and he's considered one of the more bro-tier member of the Norse pantheon).  And, of course, standard procedure during raids was to enslave, rape and/or kill the non-Viking people they encountered.  Afterwards, the Vikings would [[Blood_Ravens#Bloody_Magpies|steal ''everything'' they could carry.]]  If it couldn't be carried, they'd ''burn'' it.  If they couldn't burn it they'd ''''SMASH'''' it!  And remember, [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turgesius they weren't above attacking people or places that couldn't defend themselves, sometimes choosing their targets ''because'' they couldn't fight back].

They continued doing this until they inadvertently stole Christianity and equipped it without reading the effect text, whereupon Viking warlords started to conquer shit rather than rape, pillage and kill everything in their sight. They basically started to notice that rather than just raiding territory constantly and leaving the countryside as a depopulated wasteland, it'd be more profitable in the long run to just take it and manage all the resource production in it. The fact that serfs are tied to the land made it simpler to just conquer a territory for goods and labor instead of raiding for it. For quite a long time a large chunk of France and Italy, and the entirety of England and Russia were ruled by Vikings or their descendants, although they all got quickly assimilated into the nations they've conquered, to the point when they started to think of themselves as French/Russians in just a two or three generations after settling in. The Vikings also had a level of prestige in the Byzantine Empire, as they were the preferred recruits for the Emperor's bodyguard, the Varangian Guard, over other internecine imperial subjects (no doubt due to the Norse emphasis on sworn oaths to leaders holding weight and the hefty perk called polutasvarf that permitted them to legally loot the treasury whenever the emperor dies of natural causes).

=== [[Mythology#Norse Mythology|Norse Mythology]] ===
Like Greek mythology, the Norse have their own version of creation, different sets of gods, and heroic stories of manly feats. [[Mythology|Here are some of them]].

Note that, much like Celtic mythology, Norse mythology was spread through oral tradition and only written down long after Scandanavia had become Christian, so there remains a massive amount of missing stories [[Skub|assuming they survived unchanged before committing the mythology to text]] (for example, while the war between the Vanir and the Aesir is mentioned, we don't actually have the full description of it, even though at one time it probably existed).  Even much of what has survived should probably be taken with a grain of salt since whoever wrote it probably didn't hear about it first-hand or wanted to be syncretistic about it to help make it palpable for a Christian audience.