Editing Firbolg (section)

==5e Firbolgs==

[[File:Firbolg5e.jpg|thumb|left|Seriously, how did we go from the 4e version to this?!]]

5e produced the watered-down, hippified, kinda-hobbit-like-but-less-cool, furry giants that the firbolg are supposed to be. It stands up there along with Corellon (remember that cool elf god who had two brides in Sehanine and Lolth?) as some of the most forget-the-cool-lore-and-lets-milk-some-groups-for-their-money-pretending-that-we-care-about-them acts made by WotC. 

These firbolgs look like happy-go-lucky furry giants who live in the forest, eating "magical mushrooms" and apparently demonstrating formidable skills with weapons and druidic magic, even though they spend most of their time being hippies. Up yours and your vaunted logic, Mr. Spock.  

These guys are PEHTA in SPA..!! I mean...IN THE FOREST! sharing with every animal in winter to ensure that they survive, cuz apparently they love the animals of wood like a lot. Like seriously love them. Maybe even marry them, but you didn't hear that from me. It doesn't say that in the book, but neither it says in Mordenkainen's Tome of WotC that 5e's Gruumsh is a stand-in for homophobics. So there is that.

Obviously, Firbolgs are innate druids. They are so in tune with nature -whatever the hell that means- that all firbolgs learn at least a couple of nature magic -whatever the hell that means- spells. The druids are usually the leaders among them, and as such being the case, Firbolgs would rather go hungry than strain the land during a famine. I guess they are so in tune with nature that straining the land for food its like cutting yourself for food or something like that. These guys would give Radaghast (the addict from the awful Hobbit movies, not the cool guy from the books) (bruh they weren’t that bad, watch the directors cut and realize that the higher ups want a trilogy, Jackson was kinda fucked.) a run for his money when it comes to living with nature and rabbits. 

When they encounter a settlement near their forest, Firbols tend to be reasonable and cool, unless they perceive the guys like evil, in which case they strike and apparently win, even though they spend most of their time just being in the forest and eating mushrooms. I SAY GET OUT OF HERE, MR. SPOCK! 

By the way Firbolgs are super-druidic-guardians of the wood with strong family bonds, meaning the few adventuring firbolgs there are, are surely special snowflakes whose clan was destroyed or they committed some foul deed, like killing a deer and eating it...and maybe, even, found it tasty (GASPH!) and like all snowflakes, they are loners and stuff. Otherwise, they might become nature crusaders, like the Avengers but with more salad. 
And then there is the even more special snowflake firbolg who is entrusted by their clan with some important mission. They must adventure into civilization where they become claustrophobic when inside any building with a roof...NO MATTER THE SIZE, NO SIR! 

These are their traits. It is recommended, if you decide to play a Firbolg, to talk with your DM, keep the traits, forget all this crap and make the firbolgs like 4e's firbolgs. If you don't play Firbolg, but you encounter them in your adventures, and they are like 5e's firbolgs, kill them for good measure and send WoTC a letter detailing your good deeds. Have a nice day. 

And remember, when it comes to 5e's lore, Mr. Spock has no place. 

::Ability Score Modifier: +2 Wisdom, +1 Strength
::Size: Medium
::Speed: 30 feet
::Vision: Normal
::Firbolg Magic: Can cast Detect Magic and Disguise Self once per short rest. Disguise Self can make the firbolg look up to 3 feet shorter.
::Hidden Step: Can become invisible as a bonus action once per short rest. Invisibility ends if you attack, make a damage roll or force someone to make a saving throw.
::Powerful Build: Treat size as 1 step larger for carrying, pushing, dragging and lifting.
::Speech of Beast and Leaf: Can talk to animals and plants.

For some reason, the player base interprets these guys as being cow people, a change many people attribute to Caduceus Clay's appearance in [[Critical Role]]. This mostly has to do with the fact that the canon 5e art of firbolgs gives them furry-adjacent ears and big, pink, triangular noses, which the character designer no doubt took to mean "these people are cows," and now everyone and their mother is running with it. You know, despite the fact that before this edition, firbolgs were literally just big guys, and have ''never'' been cow people.

{{D&D2e-Races}}
{{D&D5e-Races}}
{{D&D-Giants}}

[[Category:Monsters]] [[Category: Giants]]