Editing Marines Malevolent (section)

==Daily Rituals==
04:00: Morning. Marines Malevolent awaken and turn off the obnoxious heavy metal music and strobe lights playing outside of their soundproofed bedrooms. The chapter <s>slaves</s> serfs are beaten and whipped to awaken them from their 4 hours of sleep. Any who protest are shoved into hunter missiles.

05:00: Enforcement of Morale. Said hunter missiles are launched to awaken the local populace. They always try to aim for adult care centers or hospitals.

05:15: heretical weapons testing: after recently defeating an emperors children's warband marines malevolent have confiscated many sonic blasters, Doomsirens and other emperors children weaponry, rather than hand them over to the inquisition or mechanicus

they've decided to "test" them out, unfortunately, in what could best be described as "the imperium's worst case of noise pollution" the marines malevolent have aimed their awful boombox weaponry at every meditation centre, maternity ward, psych hospital and shift worker they can find much to the rage and fury of the very tired imperium, the marines malevolent get much giggles and trolling out of this at five in the morning.

06:00: Morning Prayer. The chapter serfs are sent to collect cotton in the fields whilst the Marines Malevolent pray to the Emperor. These prayers are usually outright ignored.

07:00: Morning Firing Rites. The chapter serfs return in time to be used as target practice for neophytes. They also practice yelling passive aggressive insults at the serfs for when any Salamanders show up.

08:00: Morning Meal. The Marines Malevolent eat a light meal of waffles and milk. Any slightly overcooked waffle demands the immediate conversion of ten serfs into servitors.

09:00: Morning Battle Practice. Said servitors are destroyed with extreme prejudice with their families being sent messages about how worthless they were in life and death with pictures of their corpses attached to the letters.

09:30: Requests for aid from the marines malevolent: at this time, the marines malevolent will listen on every available vox and astropath for requests for aid from the imperium, this is pure comedy to the chapter, trolling, lying, faking aid, and making fun of the defenceless imperial

citizens, making fun of orphans is popular, painting their Armor green and putting on astartes pattern blackface pretending to be the salamanders is also encouraged. suffice to say, that no aid will arrive and the marines malevolent will laugh and laugh while they troll entire sectors, probably being overrun by dark eldar haemonculi covens. captian vinyar, will then order a response be sent out, more often than not this is the astrophathic equivalent of "your moms a whore"

10:00: Midday Battle Practice. The chapter gathers to talk shit on the majority of the Imperium. This takes a large portion of the day, as the Mechanicus, Militarum, Ecclesiarchy, Inquisition, Iron Hands, Ultrasmurfs, Black Templars, Salamanders, half the population of their planet, and Angry Marines are all talked copious amounts of shit. This time is also set aside to defend the chapter when someone hears that they were talking shit.

11:00: Beat up the elderly: the marines malevolent will cruise around in skimmers and rhinos and get into fights with the planets elderly, typically going to retirement homes to beat up veterans of first and second war for Armageddon, beating up orphans is also encouraged, old orphans get beat up twice as much!

11:15: troll the inquisitors: at this hour the marines malevolent will paint their shoulder pads blue and troll and annoy any and every inquisitor, vox phone calls, scams,  stealing the inquisitors wife, deep faking, noosphere scams, promises to help deathwatch, promises to send marines to help ordo xenos capture new and leathal tyranids, stealing corvus blackstar jets for their own use, drinking all the beer and sending the tab to Gregor eisenhorn, or conducting another "tactical panty raid" on a nearby sorirtas convent, all of which, will be blamed on the celestial lions, much to the delight of the marines malevolent.

12:00: Memorial desecration hour: for the next hour the marines malevolent will go to any planets that they know have statues dedicated to the salamanders, lamenters, yarrick or emperors spears and desecrate their memorials! statues of Vulkan are a prime target, any civilian who says "your desecrating a war memorial" will be given an astartes sized kick up the ass

any space marines who say that to the marines malevolent will invoke a full chapter wide war! 

13:00: take a wish: on many imperial worlds they have something resembling the ancient Terran "make a wish" foundation, using a combination of librarians, mechcanicus and the emperors tarot they will steal this wish from orphans to take it for themselves! much to the impotent rage of their human parents!

13:15: counterinsurgency and force deployments: being the good neighbours that the marines malevolent are, they are quick to lend aid to any and all hostage or insurgency style problems the imperium has, typically, this resembles a cross between a game of counterstrike and a Michael bay movie, marines malevolent will deploy their ENTIRE devastator company in narrow spaces, with crowd killing, anti personnel weapons, heavy plasma weaponry, incinerators, heavy bolters, conversion beamers in use. this takes about 5 minutes and by the end of it, their aren't any insurgents left...or any buildings standing either, or any hostages, or anything else, any battle brother who suggests the use of kraken rounds or phosphex weaponry, will be immediately removed from the battle line, and put in for promotion as brother Horrigan was after the "school bus incident".

14:00: Scamming the imperium: the marines malevolent, will run various ponzi schemes to get rich quick, the current scam is called "established high lords of terra" in which they fool hapless imperial citizens to buy a plot of land on holy terra under the pretence it'll make them a high lord or an inquisitor. many imperial citizens lost their retirement funds to this scam.

14:15: force deployment and glory stealing: at this point the marines malevolent will listen in on subsector command on who is "winning" and will casually drop in at the last second(after all the hard work is done by other imperial forces) and kill steal every chaos lord, or ork warboss whos already defeated, broken or about to be killed by those chapters who put in the work, they will then demand a portion of the glory, relics, and a statue to captian vinyar be put up in their capitol before absconding off with the war spoils meant for the lamenters, ocasionally stealing the odd relic vehicle or two

14:30: Waste Management. To demonstrate their unwavering care for the Imperium, the Marines Malevolent casually dump their garbage, nuclear sludge, and melted promethium barrels onto nearby Exodite worlds, filming a single crying xenos for the finale of their “environmental awareness” propaganda video. battle honors to any scout who can nail an exodite with a beer can from a landspeeder.

15:00: Afternoon Battle Practice. Realize they wasted all that time pointlessly, and so take it out on the chapter serfs by either killing them or burning the cotton they collected. May also fight any Salamanders that happen to be nearby (and usually get beat up by said Salamanders).

16:00: Tactical Indoctrination. The Marines Malevolent study the works of history's greatest shitcunts, assholes, piss stains, arse weasels, ovary thieves, and cock munchers for inspiration. The first company read the collected works of the most revered of the Chapter's icons; the xenos abomination [[Assholetep]], and the horrid [[Eldrad]], kept secret from the rest of the Imperium.

17:00: Recruitment. Kidnap innocent civilians to replenish their dwindling number of serfs. May also kidnap orphans to become future Marines Malevolent.

18:00: Evening Meal. The Marines Malevolent titter and giggle to themselves about how mad they made everyone else during their feast. Sometimes they try to eat cake stolen from Children's birthday parties, but usually cannot because the Inquisition orders the Blood Ravens to steal it back. The Blood Ravens are all too happy to oblige.

19:00: Night Fighting Training. The Marines Malevolent initiate evening battle practice. May or may not involve deepstriking directly into a funeral and making death jokes, depending on how they feel at the time.

20:00: Free Time. The Marines Malevolent do all sorts of recreational activities. Typical activities include: Fine-tuning their lack of empathy for any other living being, blowing cigarette smoke into asthmatic children's faces, running up as big of an Astropath charge as possible with long-distance, meandering and awkward calls that you aren't quite sure if you should hang up on, trying to start fights between loyalist chapters, "urban driving practice" (Smashing civilian homes over with land raiders), verbally harassing any nearby orders of the Sisters Of Battle, and acquiring sweets by stealing them from small children after popping their balloons, robbing the poorest citizens and then give all the stolen scrap to puppy mills so they'll have more puppies for recreational kicking.

23:00: Bed time. The Marines Malevolent decide to go to bed. They turn the heavy metal back on turn on obnoxiously bright strobing middle finger pattern spotlights to make sure none of the plebs get any sleep, whether they be the Techpriests at the nearby manufactorum or the lowliest peasant.

00:00: Actual Bed Time. The Chapter Serfs are finally permitted to "sleep", though this is made harder with the Marines' [[noise weapon]] tier snoring.