Editing Hassan (section)

===Crazy Hassan and the Mercenaries===

We were a full day’s drive outside of Basrah, and Brinks was patting a camel. Why he was doing it, I have no idea. Normally, the man was hostile to any and all lifeforms with a pulse. Yet there he was, M4 in one hand, camel hump in the other, saying something about sand... to the camel. Last time I checked there was nothing in that desert save for this old oil well, our platoon, and this damn camel.

“Brinks?”

“Hm.”

“Where the fuck did you get a camel?”

“Crazy Hassan.”

“...what?”

“Ain’t shittin’ you, sarge.”

“What the fu-”

“Over there, sarge.”

He pointed out into the dunes and I was about to tell him there was nothing out there, when I looked. He coulda beat me with a dried turd and I would not have noticed. There was this massive tent, just pitched outside of our camp. Maybe about two dozen camels, milling about the general area... but this tent. Lined with tassels and embroidery and... I just don’t have the words. I heard Brinks tell the camel “Stay!” but pretty much ignored him. This was a hell of a tent. Then, from within it, I heard a voice. Loud, excited, heavily accented.

“WEEEEEELLLLCOOOOME!”

(“...the hell?”)

“Welcome newandvaluedcustomers! I am Craaaaaaaazy Hassan and I have craaaaaazy deals for you on uuuuuuuused camels! Big camels, leetle camels, camel bags, camel saddles, manuals on how to milk your camel-”

“Oooh!”

“Damnit, Brinks!”

“Sorry sarge.”

“-toothpaste for your camel, camels for your camel, whatcanHassangetforyou newandvaluedcustomer?”

I really had no idea what to say. Obviously, he did.

“Comecome, comecome, let Hassan show you finecamelsatlowprices!”

Something just compelled me to follow him, and I did. Brinks was poking around a shelf of camel-care manuals; I let him. Hassan- pardon me, /Crazy/ Hassan- was a master salesman. I am unsure as to how long he talked to me (at me?) about the virtues of the animals and the deals he had on them. I had to ask him about Brinks.

“Him? Oh, he was grumpy. He come in, insult me, make manyrudegesturesandcomments, point gun at me... is okay. He simply has never met the great and gentle camel.”

“The whatwhat whatnow?”

“He meet with camel, camel like him, they are meant for each other. I let him have at half price. He apologize, brush camel, smile... I tell him come back, Hassan will always have a camel for him. Nice guy. Greatandvaluedcustomer. MayIinterestyouinacamel?”

Thank goodness I was broke, or I would have walked out of there with one of the damn animals.

Speakin’ of which, we were shipped back to Baghdad a day later, and the tent was gone. Just fucking gone.

Shit, when someone shot Brinks’ camel, he beat the man to death with his helmet.

Somehow, the next day, two camels arrived on base, with embroidered saddles...