Editing Vampire: The Masquerade (section)

==The Thirteen Vampire Clans==
Each Antediluvian made vampires of their own. These tended to carry curses put on them by Caine for the lulz. Also note that it is possible for clan members to join a group different from what the majority of their clan follows. Not all Toreador follow the Camarilla, as an example. But a lot do. And oh, you better believe shit will hit the fan for you if your clan is nearly all part of a Sect. Prepare to be laughed at if you're a Ventrue who tries to go Anarch, unless you have powerful connections since you'll have to set a hierarchy because of your nature. And God help you if you're a Tzimisce in anything but the Sabbat...except when you are a Koldun sorcerer chilling in Ukraine, or VLAD FUCKING TEPES chilling in America (Yes he paid Bram Stoker).

===[[Assamite]]===
[[File:Assamite.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - Haqim'''
*'''Signature Discipline - Quietus''' (I can kill youz gits even more sneaky like, hail [[Gork|Mork!]], also creepy blood alchemy) What's an Ork doing here? Who left the hell/warp portal to 40k open?
*'''Sect - Independent/Camarilla/Sabbat/Dispossessed''' (Clan schism, previously Independent/Sabbat)
*'''Clan Weakness:''' Warriors: Vitae Addiction (must drink vampire blood) and the aura of a Diablerist, Sorcerers: Always register as a user of blood magic when using Auspex, Viziers: Obsessive/Compulsive, V20 Edition: Thanks to Tremere shenanigans, Assamites who drink vampire blood will find the experience equivalent to chugging drain cleaner, and those who try diablerie face "stuck in desert sunlight" levels of agony.
Located mostly in Turkey, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Syria and Saudi Arabia. They are Middle Eastern Assassins who are scholars and noble vampires who look out for the weak, protect the homelands... and also kill other vampires and drain them of their blood and devour their souls.  Long ago the Aassamites collaborated with the Ventrue to destroy the Baalites in Carthage (which is when they picked up their habit for feeding on other vampires), but since then the Assamites have not really gotten on with anyone.  The [[Camarilla|Camarilla]] hate them because they commit diablerie, and the [[Sabbat_(Vampire)|Sabbat]] hate them because (until very recently) they made a show of being super devout Muslims, making them ''hypocritical'' vampire cannibals on top of just being vampire cannibals.  But being as they're pretty good at killing other vampires, they mostly just find themselves on the receiving end of a lot of curses, all of which just feeds into their massive persecution complex.  Also, their skin turns ''[[Salamanders|darker]]'' instead of paler with age.  Around the Final Nights, their oldest member (besides Haqim) Ur-Shulgi canceled the Tremere curse and declared that from that moment on, all Assamites '''will''' worship Haqim through the Path of Blood, instead of Allah/God/Elohim, or die a brutal death by Diablerie. This caused a division in the clan, with those who wished to worship God or wanted to stay the fuck away from Ur-Shulgi (especially since he may be or may be not demon-possessed) made their way to sects such as Camarilla and Sabbat, or becoming Autarkis, their sorcerers giving no small trouble to Tremere.

===[[Brujah]]===
[[File:Brujah.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - <s>Ilyes</s> Troile''', and don't you forget it.
*'''Signature Discipline - <s>Celerity</s> Potence''', but many Clans can use it (HAHA, TIME TO JUGGLE DUMPSTERS)
*'''Sect - Camarilla/Sabbat/Anarch/Tal'Mahe'Ra/Inconnu''' They. Are. Everywhere.
*'''Clan Weakness:''' [[RAGE|Prone to Frenzying easier]].
Drawing on both the ''Lost Boys'' and ''Buffy'' tradition of scumbag vampires and a more romantic, Byronic tradition in freedom through wanton depravity. The Brujah are thugs, anarchists, revolutionaries, and other downtrodden, or people who were so inclined before they got the power to do all they dreamed about. Carthage was originally a grand, mostly-successful social experiment of theirs for a human-vampire Eden, then the Ventrue either crushed it out of jealousy or led a series of regretfully unavoidable wars to cleanse both Carthage and the Brujah themselves of Baali infestation, which already made Carthage hell on earth. The old Brujah were scholastic thinkers with powers to punch the shit out if you and would be considered intellectuals. Just don't tell them Carthage was no utopia but infested by Baali so much even other entities like mages took notice.

The new Brujah are like those punk teenagers who wear anarchist t-shirts but have no idea about the theory of Marxism, except they can also beat you to death with your own car when they want to shut you down when you start winning the argument. Generally considered rabble by others, they form the backbone and the majority in the Anarch movement. Did some major shit in history with Carthage, and haven't do shit since. Sure, they managed to carve out California and some adjacent territory as the Anarch Free State, where no Camarilla or Sabbat could tread easily. Then the Kuei-Jin decided to roll into town like a motherfucker, and the Free State got mangled pretty bad. The complete opposite of [[gets shit done|getting shit done]]. One of their subclans, an African Legacy, [[/pol/|need a controlling hand or authority of sorts in a city or they resort to indulging in activities like rape and murder.]] And there is [[Retcon|NO SUCH THING]] as the True Brujah.

===[[Followers of Set]]===
[[File:Followers of Set.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - Set/Typhon'''
*'''Signature Discipline - Serpentis''' (Powers based on Egyptian gods, such as Set, Ra, Apep, and so on)
*'''Sect - Anarch (formerly Independent)'''
*'''Clan Weakness:''' Extreme sensitivity to sunlight: even a brightening sky will burn them. Also, abuse of Serpentis will cause Serpentine mutations.
This clan's mainstream belief is that Set was the progenitor of all Kindred, which is fucking stupid, but then again considering the other theories some have postulated for why vampirism exists, it's not THAT bad a theory (and hey, there are actual, honest to Ra mummies kicking around the WoD, so it has some legs).

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="100%"> The most popular and well-known legend goes like this. Straight from the revised clanbook, here it is (under the spoiler).<div class="mw-collapsible-content">

''In the ancient times when the gods lived on Earth and ruled Egypt directly, the sun-god Ra grew old and decided to retire. Ra chose his great-grandson Osiris as his heir and successor. This did not sit well with Osiris’ brother, Set. Our progenitor was the mightiest warrior among the gods. Every night he guarded the sun-barque as it passed under the Earth from the gates of sunset to the gates of dawn. Every night he battled Apep, the Great Serpent of Darkness, so that the sun might rise again. Did his valor count for nothing?''

''Set’s jealousy and wounded pride drove him to murder his brother. He fashioned a beautiful coffin proportioned exactly to Osiris’ body, and said he would give this princely gift to whoever would fit in it. All the gods tried the coffin in vain. Then Osiris took his turn. Immediately, Set and his 72 accomplices slammed the coffin’s lid, nailed it shut and threw it in the Nile. Osiris drowned. When the goddess Isis, Osiris’ wife and sister, used her magic to retrieve her husband’s body, Set took more permanent measures: He hacked his brother’s body to bits and scattered them about Egypt. Patiently, Isis gathered the fragments, reassembled the body of Osiris and used her magic to conceive a child by her dead husband.''

''When their child Horus grew to manhood, he challenged Set for the kingship of the gods. Some legends speak of mighty battles between gods and armies. Other tales describe their strife as a farcical court case, full of low tricks and silly contests. One way or another, Horus prevailed. Horus lost an eye in their strife; in revenge, he castrated Set. Osiris, meanwhile, became King of the Dead just as his son became King of the Living; and the Pharaonic dynasties henceforth claimed to rule by descent from Horus the Avenger. As compensation, Ra gave Set two foreign goddesses as concubines and made him god of storms: “He will thunder in the sky and make men afraid.”''

''When the other gods acclaimed Horus as their new king, Ra turned on his faithful defender and cursed Set to live in darkness forever. Then the gods thrust Set into Duat, the dark Underworld of the dead, and the river of death whose waters come from the Primeval Ocean itself. Here Set fought the great serpent Apep once more. He slew the Worm of Darkness and ate its heart. With Apep’s death he took on Apep’s dark wisdom and learned secrets hidden from the beginning of the world.''

''When Ra created the world, he gave it life through his own semen, creating gods and the souls of human beings alike. Souls differed in size but not in kind. Jealous Ra lied to all his children. He told them that he was mightiest of all things, creator of the universe, when he merely shaped a tiny portion of the Primeval Waters.''

''Now, however, Set knew the truth: All souls could grow as mighty as their tyrant father and become creators themselves. Set returned to the world by stealth. The Primeval Waters carry life as well as death. Every year, the gates of the world open to let the Primeval Waters bring new life through the yearly inundation of the Nile. Set disguised himself as a water-serpent and slipped through the gates with the rushing waters. He swore to overthrow Ra — not for revenge but for compassion, to liberate the souls Ra held in bondage. Despite the power gained from Apep, Set still had to hide from the sun; he could not break the curse of Ra. Nor did he truly live, for he had tasted the waters of death.''

''As he walked the night, however, Set found twelve human disciples to hear his message of rebellion against the tyranny of the gods. The disciples swore to follow Set. To seal their oath, they used a warrior’s rite: They mingled their blood with Set’s in a bowl and drank from it, swearing thus to become brothers and sisters in the coming struggle. Set even granted them equal shares in his own divine power. They too would become gods. As the last disciple drank, however, the company of the great gods appeared.''

''The treacherous Moon, whom Set trusted to keep silent, told the other gods about Set’s return. Ra the tyrant decreed that all who joined Set’s cause would share his banishment from the Sun and his castration, and that having sealed their pact in blood the thirteen would feed on blood alone. Now Set learned what flawed vessels humans were. His twelve disciples wailed at the curse and begged for mercy, saying that Set misled them. Their betrayal outraged Set. (He always did have a short temper.) He swore that if they would not help him fight the gods, after all he had given them, he would destroy them as well, though it take him a million years!''

''And so, from the curses of Ra and the power of Apep, Set and his twelve disciples became the first vampires. In time they learned to pass their curse and their power to other mortals, becoming the founders of the thirteen clans. Set remained the greatest of the thirteen, for he had been a true god and the source of the power wielded by his treacherous disciples. The others never forgave their benefactor for witnessing their treachery and their cowardice. Set’s childer remained faithful to him: He learned from his mistakes and chose more carefully. The childer of the other First Vampires schemed against their sires. We, the Mesu Bedshet, Children of Rebellion, remain loyal — and this is as gall in the mouths of Set’s rivals. They taught their childer to hate and fear Set and his clan; they invented fables to hide how they themselves became vampires.''
</div>
</div>

This is but one of the many, many legends that Setites use to explain their origins.

Very very insidious, they spread corruption throughout decaying slums of the poor, and decadent halls of the rich. Their tongues exist merely to spread lies, to ensnare and entrap their victims... almost like a ''serpent''. This is all part of their grand design, and worship to their gods (that's right, while some cults only worship Setite Antediluvian in whatever form it takes, some also worship other gods alongside him, e.g. Cult of Typhon Trimegistus, but their patron is always their founder), for when all is miserable, their Antediluvian will come back, and according to their belief, will grant them freedom. Planning to reawaken their Antediluvian, which is also a big no no, one doubly so for the Sabbat, because superstition is that when the Fathers awaken, they will slake their thirst with the blood of all their Childer. Basically, nobody likes them for being strange snake-fapping weirdo cultists trying to bring about the apocalypse. Since they are by habit and blood people involved in vice and corruption, they tend to get in trouble at some point with the law, mortal and immortal. They exist in the form of cults, worshipping various gods who they believe as the masks of the Antediluvian that once called himself Set to the Egyptians, such as Typhon, Mars, Bacchus, Pluton, Apep, Shiva, Jormungandr, Loki, Tezcalipoca, Echidna and much, much more. Some of his childer has names like Wepwawet and Tawaret, which some would recognise as other Egyptian gods. Sadly, this clan was handled very poorly during Gehenna, which is a shame, because there is so much that you can do with those guys. They are criminally underrated vampire versions of [[Word Bearers]].

In the [[skub|fifth edition]], the Settites have realized the snake thing is a bit stupid looking, and went for the thing scummy slick people tend to do, and start acting like they found 'God.' They now started calling themselves the Ministry, and claimed to always be this way. Also, they tried to join a group they could leach off of, in the Camarilla, but all their egyptian Elders were blown up in a fire bomb. [All according to plan]
As such, they got rejected by their prom date, and started hooking up with the Camarilla's emo little brother, the Anarchs to get back at them.

===[[Gangrel]]===
[[File:Gangrel.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - Ennoia''' - Allegedly the same woman who started the Lupine (werewolf) race, [[Werewolf: The Apocalypse|a idea that cannot be farther from the truth.]]
*'''Signature Discipline - Protean''' (Shapeshifters)
*'''Sect -''' All sects have a lot of Gangrel members, with a good chunk of Gangrel being Autarkis. Camarilla members are getting rarer each night, though.
*'''Clan Weakness:''' After every Frenzy, they gain animalistic features. This curse first manifests itself as bestial behavior, then moves on to beastly appendages portruding out of the Vampire's flesh. This makes Masquerade harder to maintain, of course.
Nature vampires, with many shapeshifting/animal control powers. Want to talk to that bird who saw something? Go ahead. Summon wolves to tear some dude's jugular? Knock yourself out. Doesn't sound like much, but animals normally hate and fear Kindred, because they can sense they are undead monstrosities, except Gangrel. Chillaxing with [[your dudes]] is pretty neat, especially when they warn you and fight for you. 

Despite living in the wilderness frequently (but also cities, after all, it's an ''urban jungle'', right?) and generally being homeless they are not hippie types. These guys are like the other version of Nature, the one that features a cute baby seal pup being torn in half by two killer whales fighting over the meat. Though they ''can'' be hippy types too, so don't let that stop you if you want to roll a hippy vampire, but remember that only neonates prefer to become hippies, because their elders were the barbarians that despoiled myriad civilizations like Sumer, Egypt, and Rome through the countless millenias. Those elders were the Mongols, they were the Gauls, they were the Norsemen, they were the Huns, and so on. 

The Migration Period was heaven for them, for those elders wanted to ravage civilization ever since the concept appeared. 

The curse of Gangrel is, they eventually become furries, either to their delight, or to their despair. Unlike popular belief, in modern nights, every six Gangrel out of ten live by the code of [[HFY]], while the other four, generally antitribu, enjoy becoming [[Furry|furries]]. Ironically, the best scholar in modern nights is also a Gangrel named Beckett who literally experiments with himself like running under sunlight to see how he fits in nature and hypothesizes on vampirism such as being a relict evolutionary offshoot of humanity in form of a predatory species.

They are bitter eternal enemies of the Ravnos clan for several reasons. Disregarding all the myths aside that came before this event regarding their progenitors, one of those reasons was the poaching of Rroma tribes, and another one, is this event: a Lithuanian Gangrel elder named Intam, found something that ''might'' have cured all vampires from their curse, something that could have reverted them back to mortals. It might have been successful actually, or not. This was important for Gangrel, as they, with quite a lot of exceptions, despised their animalistic features, because these features caused their humanity to usually degenerate quicker than a normal vampire, and eventually become the thralls of the Beast. Sure, you can pick a Road/Path, but it won't be like Humanity. Some Ravnos assholes overheard it, and decided to stop this elder, because Ravnos glorify their undead state, and despise anyone who wants to return to mortality or transcend their undead nature. As you can guess, they killed Intam. When Gangrel overheard that their chance at salvation was taken away, they went [[RAGE|batshit insane]], and immediately started to [[RIP AND TEAR]] all Ravnos they could get their hands on. 

Gangrel Antitribu are, as you might expect, even less attuned to their humanity, animals in all but name really. Gangrels have also a shitload of bloodlines due to inherent mutability of their vitae. One of them makes their homes underwater, and they look like the residents of [[Cthulhu Mythos|Innsmouth]]. They have a mutual respect with the Nosferatu, due to the fact that both of the clans are inherently monstrous. Some legends of the Gangrel and Nosferatu say Ennoia and Absimilard often hunted together. Except unlike Absimilard, Ennoia doesn't hate her descendants explicitly, she just doesn't care anymore.

===[[Giovanni]]===
[[File:Giovanni.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian:''' <s>Cappadocius (HIS BLOOD FELL OFF THE BACK OF A TRUCK, OKAY, FUGGEDABOUDIT)</s> Augustus Giovanni
*'''Signature Discipline:''' [[Necromancy]] (spooky magic) or Oblivion (Necromancy + [[Obtenebration]])
*'''Sect:''' Independent (They don't need the others. Except when they do.)
*'''Clan Weakness:''' Their Kiss hurts like a motherfucker, looks bad and heals slowly.
Spagetti and Corpses, boss. The Italian Vampire Mafia. No, we're not kidding. Probably the second wealthiest clan, bar the Ventrue, with Lasombra and Toreador following behind. And that's just the ''tip'' of this delectable iceberg. Dealing in vice, corruption, and trafficking with souls. Literally a family as well as a bloodline, it's the only Clan that exclusively Embraces within the same mortal family. Puts up a prim and proper appearance to the public, and to other Vampires. They take a lot of mortal traditions from the ages very seriously still (being originally a merchant family from Venice). They are even serious about their Catholicism and going to church on Sunday - so on top of everything else being gay, an atheist or worst of all ''Protestant'' are all good ways to get on their shitlist.

Of course, there is a reason they're notorious among the Kindred: at that church, there's real blood (Preferably vampiric) in the cup, and an orgy among the pews in between litanies about and prayers to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Yup, they're ''all'' incestuous bitches. Incestous, necrophiliac, and ''still'' fanatically Catholic bitches. And it only goes downhill from there. Necrophilia and bestiality are a perfectly accepted pastime within the family. Kissing cousins is the rule. And no, the entire family is not Embraced, just in case you thought there was an out. They're so messed up that by the time one may actually get selected for the Embrace, the horrors of vampire life are no real biggie. It's like your most perverted hentai come to unlife. As you can imagine, this doesn't at all help their dealings with the outside world, and they have to be careful not to give anyone the impression otherwise. Nobody likes them for being shit-for-brains bullies: they pretty much are fucked in social interactions where they don't have the equivalent to a gun at someone's head, and being founded by a notoriously-depraved Diablerist doesn't do them any favors. Now, to their credit, they DID broaden the gene pool a bit, by incorporating certain families into their own. But of course, they're anything but normal. Would you like your sister-aunt-granddaughter-wife to be from the German death cultist/necrophiliac/arms dealer family? Or would you prefer her to come from the Scottish cannibal banker family? 

As for their TRUE resource, it's not money, but souls. The dead. They take both tracks - they deal with the spirit world ''"I got youse, you fucking ghost, and now youse gonna to tell me everything!"'' kind of necromancy, and the literal ''"[[FATAL|Beloved brother, just because you're dead now doesn't mean you won't still be eating me out...]]"'' zombie raising kind of necromancy. Also not a Founding Clan, they [[Diablerie|stole]] their vampirism from a cooler clan (the [[Cappadocian]]s, a Clan of [[Awesome|humane and charitable vampire necromancer monks]]) back in the medieval ages and then proceeded to wipe it out. And to suggest they missed a few is [[heresy]]. That's not to say you would be wrong... ''Also'' trying to end the world by collapsing the human world into the spirit world so that they can lord over the endless darkness of the Long Night forever [[Derp|and promptly blew up the whole clan when a gate to the Underworld formed]]. In summary, the words of the Nosferatu and the Ventrue describe them the best: ''"Down in the sewers we see a lot of shit, but never so much as when a Giovanni heads our way."'' and ''"Our stillborn siblings, who never developed a sense of right and wrong or what not to stick your cock into."''

In ''V:tM'' v5, Augustus was [[Diablerie|diablerized]] by a [[Cappadocian]] [[methuselah]] and all of the necromantic bloodlines were sloppily combined with the Giovanni to form a single "clan" called '''[[Hecata|Clan Hecata]]'''.

===[[Lasombra]]===
[[File:Lasombra.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - Lau-Som-Bheu/Lasombra''' - KIA (or at least the elders would like to believe)
*'''Signature Discipline - Obtenebration''' (An endless void of eternal shadow to help you out! Then you learn it's kind of alive...)
*'''Sect - All Sabbat. <s>[[Dark Angels|Trust me, there is no Antitribu in their rank. Trust Me.]]</s>''' Oh fuck, half of clan defected to the Camarilla.
*'''Clan Weakness:''' Can't see their own reflection. Sounds not that bad, but... well, just keep reading.
Those creepy fucks started as ancient era pirates under the leadership of the Antediluvian Laza-Omri-Bara, and have always been drawn to the endless, dark oceans. They plagued Egyptians as Hyksos, Romans as well...pirates, and everyone else until they could set roots in Spain, and eventually become [[Awesome|aristocratic vampire conquistadores and privateers]] save for some kinder, less dickish Lasombra who set roots in the Islamic world and kept it from falling apart, particularly Turkish cities of Adana and Antakya(Antioch).

One of the few 'aristocratic' clans in the Sabbat, and thus eternal rivals to the Ventrue. It's an obsession to such an extent that some people whisper the Lasombra only took charge in the Sabbat because the Ventrue ran the Camarilla. Had more power back in the Dark Ages, but still a threat today. The rivalry goes back a long time - Lasombra sought out power positions in the Church (and they still do have members in there, and all Sabbat titles are derived from the Catholic hierarchy), Ventrue sought out positions in the king's court. When Ventrue held power in the kingdoms and duchies, Lasombra sought power in the republics and bishoprics. Where Ventrue sought out the Army, Lasombra joined the Navy. Where Ventrue may have aided ZIPRA (Rhodesians) in the Rhodesian Bush War, Lasombra may have aided ZANLA. Or both. Point being, they are parallels in many respects. That's not to say they are merely cynical users of their power - indeed, the infiltration into both the Catholic Church and the Caliphate came to a head during the Reconquista, with the clan splitting down religious lines (though interestingly, the Arabian Lasombra are still mostly Christian and refuse to convert, and no one wants to risk making them, and Lasombra Muslim Ashirra are not Sabbat monsters, but benevolent Muslim overlords). In short, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Their signature calling card is their ability to control the very powers of darkness and shadow. The realm they draw this from, the Abyss, was just a catch all term for their powers, until they investigated deeper. Now we indeed know it is a realm in and unto itself, and to the consternation of other clans, they can't really go there. Used as neutral meeting ground or other such activities, it's one of the Clan's strongest allies. Of course, they're not the ''only'' denizens there... and there are hints that the realm has been imbued with the essence of Lasombra himself, and his Childer merely did him a favor by freeing him from his earthly form. 

Generally, they're raging assholes who think they know everything, which, again, makes them pretty much mirror-versions of the Ventrue. Most think they're born to rule leading to a ruthless meritocracy, whereas Ventrue "work" for it by sucking up to their elders every night. Their clan weakness is also legendary, in that they can't fucking see their own reflection. It extends to everything conceivable - the clothes they wear also disappear in mirrors, they can't be seen by video cameras, they won't show up in developed photographs, they won't even show up as reflections on glass. They only way they know how they look is to sit down for a portrait every few years or so. That, and they often use ghouls as handmaidens to make sure they're looking lovely. God help any ghoul who doesn't fix said problems, which is weird since they tend to hate ghouls with a passion. 

So in short, the only way they know they have boogers sticking out of their nose is if they stick a finger in themselves. It's one of those "seems like a minor nothing weakness until you really stop to think about it" things. Another minor weakness is they take additional damage from sunlight, but if you're facing ''that'', you're kinda fucked anyways. The main power in the Sabbat's "military/administrative" positions, they're the only reason (aside from Ventrue antitribu) the Sabbat can even remotely organize itself or fund its own operations. Hilariously, they currently operate out of Mexico City due to its size and sky-darkening pollution. In ancient times they only embraced those who show enormous promise to operate under pressure, which stays until now, except for gangbangers who go mass embracing like [[Tyranids]].

With the beginning of the Second Inquisition and the Gehenna Crusade, most of the Sabbat's most experienced elders fucked off the Middle East and those who stayed in their territories got fucked hard by the SI. So a lot of Lasombra thought "Hmmm, this whole Sabbat business is not working out and we aren't weirdos compared to the Tzimisce" so a lot of Lasombra fucked off to the Camarilla, fun times. For some reason this is presented as a brilliant Machiavellian move rather them running their own sect into the ground and having to kiss the Ventrue ring.

[[Tl;dr]] Shadow-fetishist gothic Spanish hotties and social Darwinist corrupt priests wearing ALL BLACK.

===[[Malkavian]]===
[[File:Malkavian.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - Malkav''' - Presumed dead, his blood mixed with the ground water all over the Middle East. (More likely he's in your head right now. Yes, you!)
*'''Signature Discipline - Dementation''' ("So you think I'm crazy? Well you're right... and you'll find out just how crazy soon enough!")
*'''Sect - Mostly Camarilla'''
*'''Clan Weakness:''' They all have some form of neurosis, madness or insanity. Some can still function, while others are too far gone and institutionalized.
Seers and prophets, they have offered their words of counsel to the Camarilla for millennia. Would be pretty cool, except most of the time, it's [[Astropath|random fucking gibberish with a rare insight hidden in sentences]]. That's because to a vamp, every single Malkavian is incurably insane in one way or another. And this is where the [[Skub|controversy]] hails from, with the term Fishmalk.

The term Fishmalk comes from people who played them as [[Chaotic Stupid|comical lunatics]] - and there are plenty of people who are tired of this overdone way of playing Clan Drusilla. That's not to say that you can't do Fishmalks right - the wonderful game ''Bloodlines'' had an excellent take on the concept, which retained all of the awesome with legitimate inferred comedy (though not overt and clownlike), along with wonderfully crafted lulz and spoilers that only make sense on the second playthrough, such as mumbling "Helter Skelter" when you meet a vampire named Skelter without asking his name, scaring the fuck out of him.

As mentioned before, they are the seers and prophets, and that's partly because all Malkavians are connected to a kind of... thing called the Malkavian Madness Network, or the Cobweb. Its partly how they can see the future, the past, plots, and other portents of doom, even if they or anyone else have no idea what the fuck it means. All that is known by the other Clans is that you do not want to fucking know what the hell is ''in'' the Cobweb/Malkavian Madness Network/Radio Station KRAY-Z - some speculate it's either the cause of their madness or a way to contain it from reaching critical and brain raping everyone around them, while others even believe that it's the Antediluvian Malkav himself, transcending the material world to a plane of pure madness. And there's a good reason no one really bothers trying - anything that connects with it gets mind raped, [[Dark Heresy]] style. 

Certain Kindred believe that the Malkavians are the physical manifestation of Malkav, and by allowing for the creation of as many Malkavians as possible Malkav's mind will be stretched too thin for the Antediluvian to be a threat. Even those poor Malks too insane to be able to care for themselves are sometimes kept alive, if only to try and bring this about (turns out that this theory is correct, but in a different way). During Gehenna Malkav does have a physical form of his own: a dozen little girls with glowing eyes who all speak in unison.

This is what their signature discipline Dementation allows them to do to others - they inflict their madness onto a victim, from making them think they are a frog, to making a cop shoot innocent bystanders to cover a getaway because the cop suddenly sees monsters from [[DOOM: Repercussions of Evil|Doom]] overrunning the streets. Do take note that it can be ANY mental flaw. [[FATAL|That means any range of sexual psychoses are also fair play]]. You show those Toreador-loving hambeasts in your group that this is [[World of Darkness]], not [[Twilight]]. In an odd bout of things, both the Malkavians and Vampire players speculate that they may actually be getting [[troll]]ed by their Antediluvian. There was an event once where all Malkavians in the world lost their ability to use Dementation and instead suddenly acquired Dominate. After it reverted back, Malkavians started calling it ''The Great Trick''. Truly, the MMN is a great thing. 

The Instant Messenger feature seems to be also a factor more recently, since they will sometimes all across the country drop whatever the fuck they were doing and converge at certain places at the same time. Don't really have that many subclans (the most numerous are the Camarilla-aligned "Dominate Malkavians," who haven't been affected by the Great Trick yet), and the Antitribu in the Sabbat are far crazier, often immobilized outside of battle. Having never lost the aptitude for Dementation in the first place (indicating Malkav was truly playing both sides), those in the Sabbat driven even crazier by the harsh realities of unlife in the pack, and especially prone to frenzy. Though they can still let their madness affect reality in subtle ways that make you hope to God you're dealing with one of the ones that doesn't have homicidal tendencies. And if you do... well, imagine one of the (MUCH) more crazy and violent iterations of the Joker with the ability to see the future in some way. Or better yet, Vaas Montenegro from Farcry 3 would fit as a perfect Sabbat Malkavian.

===[[Nosferatu]]===
[[File:Nosferatu.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - Absimiliard''' [[Meme|(Hide yo kids, hide yo wife) - stuck under Antarctica like evil Santa, he's gonna get ya.]]
*'''Signature Discipline - Obfuscate''' (So stealthy you're completely invisible, but actually a mind trick. Fuck cameras, man.)
*'''Sect - Camarilla/Sabbat'''; they pay lip service to both sects, but Clan always comes first.
*'''Clan Weakness:''' Looking really fucking ugly or (extremely rarely) inhumanly beautiful, and this ''cannot'' be fixed, not even with Vicissitude (Although it has the upside that it protects them from being turned into a couch if they piss a Tzimisce off). They exhude a [[Blank]]-like aura that creeps everyone out. Diablerizing other Nosferatu will make them ''even'' uglier. Rarely, Childer can be left too deformed and crippled by their Embrace to function, so they're put down.

They didn't even hide the inspiration for these guys, it's right in the name. The Nosferatu are hideous freakshow vampires. It just doesn't stop. Every Nossie will, shortly after they are Embraced, turn into a fugly mess that is impossible to hide without supernatural aid. Some still manage to look quite nice (Mitnick from Bloodlines), some look like they got their face burned off but are otherwise alright (Gary Golden, Bertram, also from Bloodlines), and some look like [[Nurgle]] gave them an extra long hug (Imalia, also from Bloodlines, who calls it the "Texas Chainsaw Mascara look"). One particular Nosferatu has a [[Beakie|massive bone beak for a mouth,]] for example, named Cock Robin. Supposedly it has to do with what your character's worst flaws and beast's worst projection, but who knows for certain? 

An example is by how most members are chosen because of skills and such for the Embrace, there is another category they like to Embrace, which is vain people who get by in life thanks to their looks alone. Called Cleopatras (from the vain woman in the movie ''Freaks'' who earns herself a suitably horrible fate), the Nosferatu sometimes Embrace said people as a form of angry/laughing revenge, or because they feel that said person was given a brain and they need to learn how to use it and develop character. Either way, because of this disability, being seen is normally a form of Masquerade breach, though of course, slouching around at night can give some form of protection - with some you'd have to be really close to see what's wrong with them, so don't be scared to have your Nossie do anything above ground! Just stay away from streetlights or brightly lit clubs, and keep that hoodie on. 

They spend their time largely lurking in the shadows everywhere because of their condition. Forced to live in the fucking sewers, but actually relatively decent guys. Relatively, of course, because of things like that whole Cleopatra thing. They and the Toreador also hate each others' guts for the most part - the Nossies because the Toreadors are vain, shallow, beautiful pricks and the Toreadors because... well, have you been reading this? They have a mutual respect with the Gangrel, due to the fact that both of the clans are inherently monstrous. Some legends of the Gangrel and Nosferatu say Absimilard and Ennoia often hunted together. Except unlike Ennoia, Absimilard hates the shit out of his descendants.

Their main Clan Discipline, while not unique to them, is '''Obfuscate,''' which is basically D&D invisibility by way of making people derp out and think you're not there. Even immortals and supernaturals are vulnerable to this, and require detection abilities higher than your Obfuscate level to be able to see you. Watch out for cameras though. For those poor souls who are bitter and who hate what they've become, there is a temporary reprieve, via a not high level Discipline called The Mask of a Thousand Faces, which lets them deceive people's perceptions into seeing them how they used to look like, and eventually however they want to look like. So you could be [[Pretend|kissing some lonely hot chick who was a little too eager to do it with an average at best/10 that you are, and she could be some freaking ugly vampire, and you'd never know]]! As you can imagine, Cleopatras try to learn this skill as soon as possible. 

Thanks to their dealing in stealth, they have become the big information brokers among the Kindred and even regular people. And boy oh boy is business booming. No matter how much they despise them, vampires at some point know they will have to go to the Nosferatu for that little bit of edge. And the Nosferatu know - are passive at best supporters of the Camarilla, and openly state they are loyal to clan first. This even extends to the Antitribu, who somewhat regularly talk with their loyalist brethren. Run a massive worldwide information network, SchreckNET, available to all Nosferatu. As said, clan first. Also, said SchreckNET has another purpose...

Their Antediluvian, Absimiliard, is a thing the Nosferatu don't like to talk about. He is one of the greatest bastards WoD ever had, and that is saying something. Unlike many of the Antediluvians, who usually consider anything lesser than a Methuselah a light snack or beneath their notice, Absimiliard utterly hates his clan, and would like nothing better than to wipe it out. He had some, but only some Childer. Only one, The Matriarch, who is speculated to be [[Baba Yaga]] herself, managed to break the blood bond that enslaved her to Absimilard's will, and fled. And since all Nosferatu who know can trace their lineage back to the Matriarch, what happened to the other Methuselahs of Absimiliard? 

Welcome to the Big Fear - the thing that keeps Nossies up during torpor. The Nictuku, 4th generation childer of Absimiliard himself, all programmed to kill all non-Nictuku Nosferatu. 

After Baba Yaga ran for it, and Embraced many people, Absimiliard set his other Childer on a crusade to wipe the errant bloodline out. How far does it go? 

Well, you remember those sewers, right? They don't live there only because they're ugly - Nossie sewer fortresses are a great place to build gun turrets, traps, electrical arc pits and anything a 4th generation vampire might die of. And SchreckNET was first started as a means of sharing sightings on the Nictuku. The best part? That fear is not baseless at all - Baba Yaga herself, an insanely powerful Methuselah with iron claws among other things, bit the eternal dirt nap in 1990 courtey of Vasilia, a Nictuku. The same Baba Yaga who was able to maintain a power dampening field over all of Russia for ''decades'' (essentially the supernatural Iron Curtain) while doing horrible things to the [[Werewolf: The Apocalypse|Garou]] and other supernaturals unlucky enough to get caught by her. So when Nossies are in fear, [[grimdark|there is a damn good reason behind it]].

And if you're part of another clan, you better be wary of these Nictuku bastards too. They are supposed to be mostly asleep, or take the form of [[Loli|innocent children]]. Seeing one, as with seeing any Elder who is unaccounted for, is regarded as an extremely bad omen. The fact that Baba Yaga is gone, and that more have been sighted, is one more reason people believe Gehenna is coming.

===[[Ravnos]]===
[[File:Ravnos.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - Ravana/Zapathasura/Ravnos''' (Definitely dead for reals after eating a large chunk of <s>India</s> Bangladesh's Kindred population)
*'''Signature Discipline - Chimerstry''' (Sneaky sneaky illusion magic and card tricks)
*'''Sect - Independent (pre-WoN), Shattered (Post-WoN)'''
*'''Clan Weakness:''' Before the [[Week of Nightmares]], A drive to commit crime. After it, intense recklessness and unable to sleep within a mile of the same place more than once a week or else they start to burn like Ravana did (Aggravated damage once per day if they don't move their sorry asses; this WILL kill you in short order, so move your sorry ass!). Also, the survivors of the cannibalistic murder-orgy that nearly annihilated the clan are deeply traumatized.

Mainly independent, took a massive hit in 1999. [[Gypsy]]/Hindu vampires; instead of frenzy, they have urges to commit a crime of choice. Generally treated with all the respect and gratitude of real life Gypsies. They have a Love/Hate relationship with the Gangrel because of conflicting lore that boils down to different writers having different visions for the clan and then most writers using them as a punching bag (or just wiping them the fuck out, as explained below). 

Also their Antediluvian woke up during the [[Week of Nightmares]], darkened the skies, and sucked Bangladesh dry. 

The [[Kindred of the East|Kuei-jin]] counterattacked, with a stalemate where three Boddhisatvas clashed with the fucker in the Bangladeshi jungles for a night and a day, eventually threatening to breach the Masquerade and reveal the supernatural to the world. Ravana's rampage only ended when [[Mage:_The_Ascension|an entirely separate franchise]] nuked it and then [[Void Engineers|zapped what was left from orbit with a giant laser space mirror]], resulting in its complete incineration and incurable madness throughout the clan. Survivors are rare, and depressed. [[Grimdark]].

===[[Toreador]]===
[[File:Toreador.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - Arikel/Ishtar/Astarte/Inanna'''
*'''Signature Discipline - Presence''' (look at me and feel hot!)
*'''Sect - Mostly Camarilla, strong Anarch presence'''
*'''Clan Weakness:''' When they see something pretty they have to keep staring at it (this includes, but is not limited to, an appealing sunrise), and leak chromosomes if they are not surrounded by pretty stuff (Yes, this means if you are in the prettiest alley, you are getting the shaft. Unless you are in Prague or something). 

Drawing upon the tradition of vampires as dark romantic lovers before it was irreversibly contaminated by ''Twilight,'' the Toreadors are vampire equivalent of the popular girls at your high school possessed by Anne Rice. Are massively obsessed with art and beauty, if you ever watched Red Dwarf then The Cat is perfect example of a Toreador, and also they will never let you join them, you nerd. Hate the Nosferatu for being ugly, their members in the Sabbat are serial killers or disgusting artists that would give the Tzimisce a run for their money. 

Their name means "bullfighter", because they originate from Cretan priestesses that jumped over bulls while naked. Really get a shitload more hate than they probably deserve, though really no more annoying than any other "social" vampire clan. Plus they aren't wishy-washy asshats, and have proven to be useful in combat [[Crunch]], and have spawned several capable warriors. (Particularly the Islamic sect called Rayeen-Al-Fen "Patron of Arts" raised a lot of warrior philosophers with high Humanity) Clan weakness is the tendency to stop and regard anything they find particularly pretty with deep attention, which can result in tremendous amounts of [[Lulz]] should that 'pretty thing' be a beautiful sunrise.

===[[Tremere]]===
[[File:Tremere.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - <s>Saulot/Tzimisce smoothie</s>''' IMPOSSIBLE, WE, THE BULWARK OF THE CAMARILLA, WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT [[Dark Angels|AHAHAHAHAHA]]. '''Tremere'''
*'''Signature Discipline - Thaumaturgy''' (Blood Magic)
*'''Sect - Camarilla''' (those who had undergone Vaulderie as part of joining the Sabbat suddenly came down with a nasty case of turning to ash, but those who didn't are still around)
*'''Clan Weakness:''' In the V20 edition, it only takes two doses of vitae rather than three to chain them to a full blood bond. The elders are quick to <s>exploit this vulnerability among their lessers</s> GIFT NEONATES A TASTE OF GLORIOUS ELDER BLOOD IN THE NAME OF MAGNANIMOUS SOLIDARITY, AND ONLY FOR THAT REASON!

Greatest bastards in V:tM, up there with the Giovanni, Setites, and Tzimsice, although the latter two is undeniably more badass, while Tremere and Giovanni are the hate sink clans. They were once a house of the Order of Hermes (from [[Ars Magica]] and [[Mage: The Ascension]]) until their leader Tremere decided he wanted to be a vampire after getting his first grey hair because their potions of immortality stopped working. Then, they became vampires by killing lots and lots of Tzimisce and making an elixir out of their blood. So, of course, the Tzimisce were [[RAGE|fucking pissed]], and immediately went to war with the shitty wizards of Tremere. By all rights, they're an artificial Antitribu bloodline of the Tzimisce, but don't even think calling them as such or they'll eat you alive.

So what did the Tremere do? They created Gargoyles, from the flesh and blood of the dead Nosferatu, Gangrel, and Tzimisce. Guess what? They earned two more enemies, and Tzimisce got even more pissed. Then, the scumbags managed to diablerize Saulot (who actually played them, since his intention was to stop the Tzimisce Antediluvian, more on that on Crucible of God section in Gehenna) and almost destroyed the Salubri, the token good teammate of all vampires. Tonight, the Salubri Antitribu are butchering the shit out of them for this. 

They also put a blood curse on the Assamites, earning yet another enemy. These nights, all those clans want nothing more than the destruction of the Tremere. Vies against the Tzimisce, Lasombra, and Ventrue for most epic Superiority Complex and the numerous experiments they've performed using the listed clans' members over the years. Their main weakness is that they have a social structure that has zero rates of promotion and attempting to leave or do anything without a superior's consent results in you getting the leash tugged tight. However, the trade-off is access to one of the most feared disciplines, Thaumaturgy. Blood Magic to non-members, it allows them to control blood (their own or others'), to powerful and fantastic ends, and eventually use it to cast your usual Hermetic magic from the classic Telekinesis, Conjuring and Fireballs (which is really scary to all vampires ''including'' the Tremere who uses it) to more exotic things. There's a reason the Camarilla keeps a hold of them despite the fact Clan Tremere's loyalty goes no further then Clan Tremere and their founder was a <s>despicable diablerist</s> TRUTHFUL AND HONEST ANTEDILUVIAN WHO ONLY WANTED THE BEST FOR VAMPIRE SOCIETY. Any reports of torture chambers or usurping captive vampires' powers and doing sick experiments are vile rumors by the soul-sucking Salubri and vile Tzimisce. 

Because of this nobody likes the Tremere but they're kept around because of how powerful they are, and the Tzimisce, surviving Salubri and even the Caitiff upon whom the Tremere love to experiment would ''love'' to deliver some payback. Surprisingly, Clan Tremere is also notorious for how easy it is to infiltrate. The sheer amount of bloodlines who can pass a blood test (with magic, no less!) and thus pass off being Tremere starts at certain three-eyed evangelists and goes around the block, twice... But then it's not without sense as the first Tremere vampires were made with a mixed potion of different clans, so it's not hard to attune to their blood checks.

Clan Tremere crashed and burned around Gehenna when Saulot said "Fuck this" and re-possessed Tremere's body, destroying most of the clan's strongholds. Then the Tzimisce Antediluvian awoke, and turned the survivors into horrifying creatures. Only Etrius, Goratrix (sealed in a mirror) and Tremere (Usurping Goratrix's body when Saulot kicked him out of his own body) survived, and later, they joined the dead ranks of their clan. Tremere's end in particular during the Crucible of God is exactly what he deserved. Seriously, assholes deserved it all.

Now, the 5th Edition pretended Gehenna didn't happened (yet), but don't worry, Tremere is still fucked. The Second Inquisition started to track down and connect the dots of contacts between the "blankbodies", and started to notice all the lines converged at Vienna. Thinking it was where the central leadership of the "blankbodies" were, they hit the Vienna chantry with a drone strike and sent special forces teams to exterminate any survivors, destroying the Inner Council of Seven and decapitating the Tremere Pyramid. For the next few days Vienna's kindred (formed 99% by Tremere) was purged by the SI and the rest ran for the hills. [[Humanity Fuck Yeah]].

With the Council of Seven killed, Blood Bonds were broken and the Pyramid was shattered. Many Kindred took this as opportunity for revenge against the clan they hated. And without the strict hierarchy of the Pyramid, the Tremere also started to fight amongst themselves, dividing into 4 different factions: Camarilla-loyalists under Karl Schrekt, some aligned with the Sabbat recreating the "House Goratrix" (which may or may not be led by daddy Tremere using Goratrix's body), House Carna, which was founded by a rebellious feminist woman who throw all sorts of paganist mumbo-jumbo in their magic (basically Wiccans) and House Ipsissimus, which is Tremere but Anarch.

===[[Tzimisce]]===
[[File:Tzimisce.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - Tzimisce, "the Eldest"'''
*'''Signature Discipline - Vicissitude''' (Fleshwarping, AKA: You can turn people into living furniture if they piss you off, create all kinds of beasties and turn into horrific masses of flesh or acidic blood), '''Koldunic Sorcery''' (Elemental magic mixed with mental manipulation, mainly used by the Dracul)
*'''Sect - Sabbat, with a good chunk being Independent'''. Some occasionally side with the '''Camarilla''', but don't stay for long.
*'''Clan Weakness:''' Have to sleep on at least two handfuls of their native soil. Nosferatu are immune to Vicissitude thanks to their own uglyfying curse (any attempt to reshape them will revert in a few seconds).
(Pronounced zuh-MEE-see) "Artist" vampires, who define art as fleshmolding hapless mortals/vampires/themselves into Moreau-esque nightmares. Every single one of them suffers from a superiority complex; expect Bond villain or serial killer personalities. They worship a giant cathedral made of living/unliving flesh that can move around somehow (it is Tzimisce himself). Also, to a greater extent than any other clan, expect lots of Eastern European Old World types obsessed with hospitality (really, if a Tzimisce, especially old one, invites you for a tea and chat, that's exactly it, no dirty tricks) and speaking in "vampire vords" - think 'the Count' from Sesame Street, except that he warps Birdie into a fleshy nugget if pissed off or fuses Ernie and Bert together a-la I have No Mouth and I Must Scream. 

This is also the clan Dracula belongs to (although he's a pretty cool guy for a Tzimisce and doesn't do any of the fleshwarping shit). They have a weird form of going Independent, a subclan who call themselves the '''Dracul''', who just do whatever they want in their Eastern European castles, not really giving a shit about Sabbat politics and avoiding the fleshwarping shit in lieu of elemental blood magic called Koldunic Magic, sponsored by Kupala, a demon (some say a Talon of the Wyrm, others say an Earthbound), that dwells beneath Transylvania. Etymology points out to an ancient Greek surname, Tzimisces; there are a more Greek-aligned faction called the "Children of the Dracon," which ties into some Dark Ages backstory nobody gives a shit about.

===[[Ventrue]]===
[[File:Ventrue.png|150px|right]]
*'''Antediluvian - Veddhartha/Ventru''' (WRYYYY'd to death by Ilyes. Or not, it's confusing.)
*'''Signature Discipline - Dominate''' ("Look into my eyes and do as I say.")
*'''Sect - Only Camarilla''', or so they like to say.
*'''Clan Weakness:''' Have to drink from an annoyingly specific kind of victim: natural blondes, people over 50, women who fell in love but didn't marry, alcoholics, [[/tg/|virgins above 20]] and so on.
Rich, Ralph-Lauren wearing asshole vampires. Think Gordon Gekko from Wall Street, except instead of going to jail like a pussy, Gekko mind-controls the investigators, drains the guys who ratted him out dry, and pins the murders on a drifter. Tend to be the ones in charge in the Camarilla because until the Tremere showed up no one really wanted the job of dealing with the shit that vampires do which breaks the Masquerade, and their mind-control powers and general dickery helps with that. Tend to be very selective with the Embrace, and a Neonate can expect to receive extensive and gruelling training before being presented to the Ventrue at large, mainly to make sure that they don't fuck up and make their sire look bad. Internally they're a mix of Mean Girls meets the most backstabbing of corporate culture: the Ventrue make sure to pick people who'd thrive in such an environment. They used to be nobility in Europe, but now they're merchants. Except their Antitribu, who like to play SCA crusader dress up.