Editing Angry Marines (section)

===continuation of Moarfistin's story===

Moarfistin is the Chief Mindfucker of the Angry Marines, the equivalent of a Chief Librarian of an Astartes chapter. Due to a tragic incident involving a Nurgle cult unleashing a plague at his home colony, Moarfistin was driven to insanity, but this was also when he discovered his latent abilities as a psyker and was picked up and immediately recruited by the Angry Marines. Having risen very quickly up through the chapters ranks and now possessing his own battle barge (Considerable Shouting) Moarfistin decided to start his very own crusade against the Tau (FUCKING CHEESE LOVING CUNT HEADS!!!) and founded his very own company, the Somethingth Company, which was made up of all the Angry Marines nearby who didn’t have anything better to do and felt like a road trip to fuck up some xenos was an excellent idea.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, it is all, after all, a matter of one’s perspective) for Moarfistin his route across the galaxy (an initially quiet and pleasant one as it only went straight through the EYE OF TERROR) has been made even more difficult due to the formation of the Cicatrix Maledictum, the galaxy wide shit hole which now bisects, intertwines and flat out covers Moarfistin’s route. This has him furious on multiple levels as firstly “FUCKING CHOAS SHIT EATING CUNTS!!!”, secondly “THE FUCKING NURGLINGS ARE GETTING IN THE WAY OF ME FISTING SOME VAGINA FISH!!! And thirdly “NOW I HAVE TO START ANOTHER FUCKING CRUSADE!!! I DON’T HAVE FUCKING TIME FOR THIS!!!” As it stands, Moarfistin and his crusade are sitting right in the middle of the galactic tear in the maelstrom, and has the choice of setting up camp and simply cruising up and down the Maledictum fighting anything and everything he finds, or to ignore the galaxy wide toilet and keep on ploughing through to tau territory.

Being the smart and proactive psychic nut case that he is, Moarfistin has decided to do both, and currently has his crusade raiding and pillaging all nearby daemon worlds, cultist hideouts and chaos space marine vessels to build a brand new battle barge named the “Suicidal Insanity”, and has split his crusade down the middle (rather literally as there were an odd number of marines, said marine now has two bionic legs and an arm and his removed limbs were grafted onto a servitor), with the Suicidal Insanity staying behind to perform a crusade up and down the Maledictum, while Considerable Shouting continues onto the Tau worlds.

This still leaves the issue of who is to command the Suicidal Insanity while Moarfistin goes vagina hunting, a problem with Moarfistin had another elegant solution to, and that is to make a copy of himself to command his new crusade, using his warp presence to power it, an idea he immediately dropped (AND WAS MOST CERTAINLY NOT THE MAIN PLOT POINT IN THE ORIGINAL DRAFT OF THIS STORY!!! NO HERESEY TO BE SEEN HERE!!!) as being too crazy even for him. That left his second (AND TOTALLY NON-HERETICAL!!!) last idea which would be to promote a likeminded Angry Marine to the rank of company captain, and too this end he gathered all the Angry Marines together under his command into the mess hall of the Considerable Shouting. “ALRIGHT YOU SACKS OF FUCKING GROZ MANURE!!!” He bellowed at the collected marines “LAST ONE STANDING GETS TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE NEW SHIP!!!” He had barely finished saying “in charge” before (in true Angry marine style) the Angry Marines started fighting, with broken bottles, power bats, honey badgers, power feet and even other Angry Marines being used as bludgeoning tools.

Having seen this display plenty of times before, Moarfistin joined in for a few minutes to knock out a few marines that he just didn’t like then retired to his quarters, knowing that the entire company of marines would be fighting for quite a while, and even a good fight gets boring when it’s been going for several days. 2 days, 9 hours, 23 minutes, 6 seconds and three massive shits later, Moarfistin returned to the mess hall to see who was left standing, passing down the corridors filled with bruised, battered and swearing marines being patched up with duct tape, to find only two marines left still punching each other in their now shattered helmets. “WILL YOU FUCKING HURRY UP YOU CUNTS!!!” He shouted at the two remaining marines “I’VE GPT SOME WEEABOOS TO GO AND FIST BEFORE SLASNESHMAS COMES AROUND AGAIN!!!” The arrival of Moarfistin had roused the marines capable of being roused, who formed a circle around the fighters to add their insults to the fight “FUCKING KICK HIS NUTS!!!” “IVE SEEN ELDAR PANSIES PUNCH BETTER!!!” “CAN YOU FUCKING HURRY UP, SO WE CAN FUCKING EAT!!!” The added insults had the desired effect, as both fighters pulled back their right legs and simultaneously delivered savage kicks to the others privates, instantly knock both of them over into moaning heaps on the floor. “FUCK THIS SHIT!!!” Exclaimed Moarfistin “I CAN’T BE FUCKED WAITING ARPUND FOR YOU TO FIGHT AGAIN!!! YOUR NOW BOTH THE CAPTAINS OF THE NEW COMPANY NOW I’M OFF TO KICK SOME TAU IN THE CUNTS!!!”

And just like that, Moarfistin continued his journey (he is now fighting his way through the outskirts of tau space) leaving the two new company captains (now named Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt) on the Suicidal Insanity in charge of the (aptly named) “WHY DO WE HAVE TO FOLLOW THOSE CUNTS?!!!” Company. While Moarfistin’s crusade can be kept track of via the trail of destroyed (and fisted) tau worlds, nothing is currently known of the Suicidal Insanity and it’s two captains, but it is assumed that continued their crusade instead of punching each other for all eternity.

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Thought for the day: Beware the Weeaboo, the waifu, the loli.

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