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==More== '''Chris:''' The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.<br> '''Billy:''' Got stoneshaping.<br> '''Chris:''' Oh... Alright, well you bend open the door-<br> '''Billy:''' Why do that? I'll collapse the crypt. How much xp do I get for killing everything in the dungeon.<br> '''Giles:''' Asshole. There's probably treasure down there.<br> '''John:''' Asshole. Why'd I bother with getting alchemy if I can't blow shit up?<br> '''Gwen:''' Asshole. I wanted that exp!<br> '''Chris:''' WE'RE GOING BACK TO COC.<br> ---- '''DM:''' You're at the crypt, you see the door, its heavily barred.<br> '''Billy:'''IMMA FUCKING KILL IT !!<br> '''DM:''' Its a door, you can't kill it, stop being a twat.<br> '''Chris:''' Okay, I'm gonna pick the lock.<br> *picks lock*<br> '''DM:''' Right, right, now some big fuck off monster comes storming out.<br> '''Billy:''' IMMA FUCKING KILL IT !!<br> '''DM:''' Goddammit Billy. ---- '''Chris:''' The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.<br> '''Billy:''' We're way past this.<br> '''Chris:''' Sorry, sorry. Anyway, you get to the prison, where the chained maiden awaits.<br> '''Gwen:''' Oh lord.<br> '''Chris:''' What?<br> '''Gwen:''' Misogyny much?<br> '''Chris:''' OH COME ON, it happens, sometimes you meet captured princes or peasants, it's just a fluke.<br> '''Gwen:''' And what's she wearing?<br> '''Billy:''' I'd like to know too. And make sure she's wearing LESS.<br> '''Chris:''' Well, uh, she's... Naked, cringing in fear attempting to cover herself, fear and despair in her large eyes.<br> '''Billy:''' Well, a promise is a promise.<br> '''Giles:''' dood wat<br> '''John:''' Why is no one paying attention to my crit to sexify?<br> '''Gwen:''' Fuckers. ---- '''DM:''' Kay your standing outside the crypt.<br> '''Chris:''' I'm gonna shoot it with my melta gun. It has AP 1<br> '''DM:''' This isn't 40k Chris.<br> '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know, but this fucking sucks, it needs guns.<br> '''DM:''' You don't get a melta gun.<br> '''Chris:''' So how're we supposed to open the door?<br> '''DM:''' I don't fucking know, you tell me.<br> '''Chris:''' Can we play 40k<br> '''Billy:''' Jesus, Chris, shut the fuck up.<br> '''Chris:''' No, this is bullshit, we spend half the game fucking talking and not fighting anything.<br> '''John:''' Oh shit, my girlfriend is phoning, talk amongst yourselves for half an hour.<br> '''Chris:''' Can we play 40k while he's on the phone?<br> '''DM:''' Seriously Chris, shut the hell up.<br> '''Billy:''' Right, I'm opening the fucking door.<br> '''DM:''' How?<br> '''Billy:''' Uhm...dunno, cast a spell or something.<br> '''DM:''' Oh for...fine spell works the fucking door is open.<br> '''Chris:''' Can there be a bloodthirster behind it?<br> '''DM:''' No Chris, there aren't any of them in this game. Stop being a retard.<br> '''Chris:''' Then I'm going to go get a pizza, screw this.<br> '''DM:''' So you're just leaving Billy to wander the crypt on his own?<br> '''Billy:''' I step into the cave, slip down a chasm and die. Lets just play fucking 40k.<br> '''Chris:''' I brought my Tau and my Necrons. Who wants to play me? ---- '''DM:''' You have arrived at the crypt, a large stone door blocks your way.<br> '''Chris:''' The Big Cojones!<br> '''Billy:''' Finally, after all this questing, the Big Cojones will not escape again!<br> '''DM:''' Your here for a cure for the king, remember?<br> '''Giles:''' Is there any obvious way to open the door?<br> '''DM:''' None that you can see<br> '''Chirs:''' Stand back citizen, this is no time for any door opening shenanigans, that would only alert the Big Cojones to our arrival!<br> '''Billy:''' HAH! The Big Cojones is no match for our power! With his death the mountains for trasure will be ours!<br> '''Chris:''' We need a disguise, everyone put on those skeleton skulls we got earlier to act as masks, a perfect plan!<br> '''DM:''' You were supposed to interrogate those skeletons, not defile them...<br> '''Billy:''' Disguises are all well and good but we need to act with surprise on our side. I shall smash this door into nothing in but a single attack!<br> '''Chris:''' No, I think you'll find that I'LL smash the door in.<br> '''Billy:''' Thats it! I've had it with your petulant ways, DRAW!<br> *Rock [[Pen and paper|paper]] scissors*<br> '''Billy:''' Curse you ROCK!!! ---- '''Chris:''' The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.<br> '''Billy:''' Blast! How shalt we get through this door? King Darod and his Kingdom are depending upon us to retrieve the cure!<br> '''Gwen:''' Don't worry, I have an idea! Remember earlier when we were interrogating that skeleton? He mentioned that the water moves when the stone strikes it...<br> '''John:''' And that stones move when water touches them! Brilliant! Alright, I'll go and grab some water from that creek that Chris mentioned earlier-"<br> '''Mark:''' I throw myself at the door bodily and physically.<br> '''Chris:''' You bounce off the door.<br> '''Mark:''' I keep doing it, over and over.<br> '''Gwen:''' I say "Mark! Stop doing that! You'll hurt yourself!"<br> '''Billy:''' I sigh.<br> '''John:''' I'll go get the water.<br> '''Chris:''' Mark, you're starting to get dizzy from all the battering against the immobile stone slab.<br> '''Mark:''' I headbutt it!<br> '''Chris:''' Okay... and you fall down, dazed and sick. You can't feel your legs.<br> '''Mark:''' I throw my sword at it, and mumble something about nature and trees.<br> '''Billy:''' There aren't any trees in the cave.<br> '''John:''' I return with the water and put it on the door.<br> '''Chris:''' The door opens, and a group of goblins attack!<br> '''Billy:''' To arms!<br> '''Mark:''' I draw my sword and fight!<br> '''Chris:''' You're incapacitated and you threw your sword away.<br> '''Mark:''' I try to grab one on the leg.<br> '''Chris:''' YOU LOSE YOUR ARM.<br> '''Mark:''' I roll around. This could be a bother. ---- '''DM:''' As you walk down the thin mountain pass, you come to the entrance of the temple. It has two large golden doors that block the entrance.<br> '''Player:''' Okay, when you say gold, do you mean, like actual gold?<br> '''DM:''' Uh.... yeah, why?<br> '''Player:''' Okay, I take the right door.<br> '''DM:''' You walk up to the temple entrance and push in the right door and star--<br> '''Player:''' No, I TAKE, the right door. As in, take it.<br> '''DM:''' *sigh* You can't walk through the dungeon with that!<br> '''Player:''' Oh. Then we'll sell it!<br> '''DM:''' The nearest city is 500 miles away.<br> '''Player:''' We better start walking then! ---- '''DM:''' As you exit the forest you come onto an open field of grass with a [[Dread Gazebo|gazebo]] standing in the center.<br> '''Player:''' What's the gazebo doing?<br> '''DM:''' It's a gazebo. It's just sitting there.<br> '''Player:''' Okay.... I shoot an arrow at the gazebo.<br> '''DM:''' Okay, now it's a gazebo with an arrow in it..<br> '''Player:''' Alright... uh... I slowly walk towards the gazebo.<br> '''DM:''' THE GAZEBO JUMPS UP AND EATS YOU! ARE YOU HAPPY?! ROLL A NEW CHARACTER! ---- '''Chris:''' Hey, Gwen you up for the RPG tonight?<br> '''Gwen:''' Uhm... No, I'm sorry, I'm busy... Y'know, studying.<br> '''Chris:''' Alright, how about tomorrow night?<br> '''Gwen:''' I'm, uh, well, it's a BIG exam.<br> '''Chris:''' When...When are you free then?<br> '''Gwen:''' Look, uhm, can we talk about this later Chris, I really don't know it's all so stacked up...<br> '''Chris:''' Oh. Kay. Later... '''Chris:''' The crypt awaits before you, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its goddamn immovable bulk.<br> '''Billy:''' Uh, alright, can you play Gwen's character and have her use that ring-<br> '''Chris:''' No, she says no. Says she's busy.<br> '''Giles''': Oh Jesus.<br> '''Chris:''' Know what else? She turns to you all, and rips off the mask to reveal she was the lich all along.<br> '''John:''' What? But I remembe-<br> '''Chris:''' SHE'S REALLY FUCKING GOOD AT MANIPULATING YOU, YOU STUPID LITTLE BASTARDS.<br> '''Billy:''' . . .Well, I ask<br> '''Chris:''' TOO LATE! SHE TEARS OUT YOUR HEEEEEEEEEEARRRRRRRRTTTTTT ---- '''Chris:''' The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.<br> '''Billy:''' *Snrk*<br> '''Chris:''' What, what fucking is it?<br> '''John:''' Well, we were just wondering.<br> '''Chris:''' About?<br> '''Giles:''' What's the damage for getting a heart torn out?<br> '''Chris:''' FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ALL GET OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM FUCK YOUUUUUUUU ---- '''Chris:''' The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.<br> '''Billy:''' I blow it up with C4.<br> '''Chris:''''''Bold text''' You don't have any C4... it hasn't been invented yet...<br> '''Billy:''' Well then I invent C4 and blow it up.<br> '''Chris:''' ok so while Billy's out inventing C4 what do the rest of you do?<br> '''John:''' I invent it before him and blow up the door.<br> '''Gwen:''' I open the door.<br> '''Chris:''' You can't open it, it's locked.<br> '''Billy:''' I'm done inventing my C4. I blow up the door.<br> '''John:''' I steal your C4 and blow the door up with it.<br> '''Chris:''' You don't ha-<br> '''Billy:''' Why would you steal my C4 to do with it the exact same thing i was going to do with it?<br> '''John:''' 'Cause you're stupid and you would mess everything up<br> '''Chris:''' You made the C4 wrong and you blow yourselves up. Except for Gwen. Her clothes are destroyed in the explosion.<br> ---- '''Chris:''' There is a crypt ahead of...<br> '''Billy:''' FALCON PUNCH!!!<br> '''DM:''' ...<br> ---- [[Image:Mynameishuge.jpg|thumb|right|MEDS ARE FOR THE WEAK.]]'''Chris:''' The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you-<br> '''Billy:''' FOUL DOOR! I'LL NOT BE SO CRUELLY TAUNTED BY SUCH AN ENCHANTMENT!<br> '''John:''' Oh god, Billy's off his meds again...<br> '''BILLY:''' MY NAME IS HUGE ---- '''DM:''' Okay, so both John and Dave's characters are alone.<br> '''Dave:''' I grapple John's elf.<br> '''John:''' What?<br> '''Dave:''' Sorry dude, but she's been looking at my half-orc like she wants it, so he's gonna give it to her.<br> '''John:''' Dude! This is disgusting!<br> '''DM:''' Do you fight back?<br> '''John:''' GOD no.<br> '''DM:''' I'm... sorry?<br> '''John:''' This is a rape. She pretty much just melts onto his dick.<br> '''Dave:''' Pretty much.<br> '''DM:''' Okay well, I guess we can fade that to bla-<br> '''BILLY:''' HEY GUYS I SUMMONED A DIRE WHALE. HIS NAME IS WILLY.<br> '''DM:''' ... the Inn explodes. Dave and John's characters are killed by falling whale... Billy gets 100 exp and his fucking medication WHICH HE WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE.<br> '''BILLY:''' WILLY NOOOO! ---- '''DM:''' The crypt awaits, the entrance sealed by a slab of stone, seemingly presenting no logical way to open it.<br> '''Gwen:''' Oh I remember now, what the skelet-<br> '''Billy:''' Fuck that, I cast fireball at the door.<br> '''DM:''' What. It's two feet of stone, and the whole group is right in front of the bloody thing.<br> '''Billy:''' Well, you said no logical way to open it. Perfectly in-character, considering how many metamagic feats he can put into a fireball spell he could likely melt right through it.<br> '''DM:''' And melt right through the whole party.<br> '''Billy:''' Perfectly in-character. You did say to stay consistant, and I've been consistantly unhinged.<br> '''Gwen:''' He does have a point.<br> '''DM:''' ....fuck.
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