Editing Bleeding Out (Warhammer High) (section)

===An Outside Perspective===

Freya sat at the table, tears gathering in her eyes as her cousin relayed the entire story.  The soul-healing, the argument, the cutting and when it had started, all of it.  “Oh my…oh my god, Remilia, come here,” she said, the tears breaking free.  She stood up and stepped to her cousins’ side, crouching beside her chair and wrapping her in a crushing bear hug.

“T-thanks, Freya,” Remilia managed.  Her own tears stained Freya’s skin-tight denim top, but she hurriedly broke the hug.  “I need to tell someone.”

“Hell yes you do,” Freya said, wiping her own tears away.  “God, Remilia, the pain you’re in.”

“Right now it doesn’t hurt,” Remilia said brokenly.  “Right now I’m just tired.”

“Yeah, I bet.”  Freya wiped her eyes again, sitting down.  Alex was waiting awkwardly in Freya’s room, still, where he had been since his woman’s cousin had shown up at the door in tears.  Freya thought hurriedly, wondering if the schedule for the night was still set in stone.  “Um, listen, I didn’t want to interrupt, but I know a few of the others are already going to come over tonight.  Is that OK?  You can sleep in the guest wing, you don’t have to talk to them.”

“It’s your house, Freya,” Remilia said.  “I just…I can’t be home right now.”

“You can stay as long as you want,” Freya promised.  The doorbell rang, and she hurriedly looked at her blond cousin.  Remilia sniffled, then looked up at Freya and nodded.

“OK, I’ll be in the guest wing if you need me,” she said, grabbing her bags and walking off.

About one hour later, she was sitting in the chair in the guest suite she had picked, watching the fields outside sway in the moonlight.  Her eyes weren’t as sharp as Freya’s, of course, or even as sharp as Isis’ or Cora’s, but they were still a genetic marvel.  She watched the tiny movements of grass as animals ran by at the base of the stalk, and envied them.  Their lives were simpler.

A quiet knock on the door brought her out of her reverie.  She checked to make sure she was still dressed, and cracked it open.  A Space Wolf serf stood there with a tray of something that smelled really good.  “My Lady Dorn.  Compliments of Lady Russ,” the serf said, placing it on the table by the door.  Remilia nodded.

“Thank Gairwyn for me, then, would you?” she asked, lifting the lid on the little pot.

“Lady Gairwyn is on Luna, Lady Dorn.  I meant it was Lady Freya,” the serf corrected.  “And I shall pass it along.”  He bowed out, closing the door behind him.

Remilia sniffed the fragrant liquid in the tiny silver pot.  “Oooh.  Onion broth.  Good call, Freya.”  She put the lid back on, smiling despite herself.

“I’m never calling you ‘furball’ again,” she promised.  She sat down by the table and dug in, mopping the soup up with some crackers.  Just as she finished, another knock came from the door.

Remilia quickly wiped down her mouth with a napkin.  “Come in,” she said.

The door swung open.  This time, though, her visitor was no servant.  “Remilia,” Venus started, her eyes dim and drawn, “talk to me.”


“Venus,” Remilia said, surprised.  “Didn’t know you were coming over tonight.”

“Sure.  I had to.  Finals and presentations all this week, remember?  Freya wouldn’t let that happen without observing the ritual,” Venus pointed out, sitting down at the table.

Remilia blinked.  “Ritual?  What ritual?”

“Oh, yeah, you’re not in on it yet…” Venus said, suddenly bashful.  “Well, I imagine she’d let you in on it if you asked nice.”

“What is this ritual?” Remilia asked, completely confused.

“Well, whenever we have a big test coming up, a bunch of us get together here before it happens and we all swap boyfriends.  It’s so incredibly helpful.  Haven’t you seen how much Freya’s grades have gone up since she met Alex?”

Remilia stared at her cousin in absolute shock, until a hint of suspicion crossed her face.  “Wait.  Wait, are you fucking with me?  You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Venus said, nodding slowly.  “Yes, I am fucking with you.”

“Oh, fucking hell,” Remilia scoffed.

“I had you.  Hook, line, and sinker.  You believed every single word,” Venus said, smiling.  “That’s a problem, too, you usually see through my terrible lies.”

“I’m in a bit of a rut right now,” Remilia admitted.

“Yeah, Freya didn’t tell me anything, but she’s also really bad at hiding things.  I could tell you were here,” Venus said sadly.  She reached over and squeezed her cousin’s hands, catching them between her own.  She trained her eyes on Remilia’s, and they were a far dimmer red tonight.  “But I’m a hopeless softie.  I need to try to make you feel better.  So come on out of here and be with us for a while, OK?”

“Ah, I would, but I need to work on the paper too,” Remilia said, scrambling for an excuse.

“No, you finished yesterday,” Venus pointed out.  “And you did the speech too.  All rehearsed.”

“How did you know?” Remilia asked in surprise.

“I know you, Remilia.  That’s why you need to be with us, tonight.”  Venus stood, pulling Remilia’s hands with hers.  The blond soccer player, however, stayed in her seat, her eyes betraying her torment.  Venus looked at her for a few moments longer, before letting her cousin’s hands fall through her own.  “…All right.  I understand.”  She turned to leave, walking back through the open door, closing it behind her.

Remilia sat at the table, staring at the empty dishes in silence, fuming, until she leaped from her seat and jogged after her cousin.  “Wait, wait,” she called after her.  “You’re right.”

“Yep,” Venus said contentedly.  She waited in the hall for her cousin to catch up, offering an encouraging little smile to her cousin.  “Ready?”

“Yeah,” Remilia breathed.  “Lead the way.”



“So, I look at the guy on the stage asking the questions, and I realize he’s quoting the interview section of the book I read to source my argument,” Jake explained.  Alex tilted his head back and laughed raucously.

“Fuckin’ serious, man?  He was quoting it?”

“Yep.  It was a test.  He wanted to see if I had actually read it or not,” Jake said.  “So I started giving the specific answers from the book back to him.  He nodded, so I assume I passed.”

Alex tilted his glass to him.  “Nice.”  He turned to see Remilia emerge from the side corridor with Venus.  “Hey, there she is.  You feeling better?”

“A little, yeah.  Thanks for the snack, Freya,” Remilia said.  She turned to Jake, forcing a smile on her face.  “What was your topic?”

“‘Support Structures for the Mentally Disabled in Private Schools,’” Jake said.  “Aside from the one bit where the interviewer started quoting my sources to see how closely I had been reading them, it was rough.  I couldn’t really do a visual, so I just made these little paper handouts in envelopes.  Seemed to work.”

“Good.  I bet you did great,” Remilia said.  She took a discreet headcount as she listened.  Jake, Venus, Alex, Freya, herself, Faith, and Pietro.  Good.  No psykers.  She may have been doing a poor job of hiding her feelings, but at least there were no mind-readers in the crowd.  “Anyone else go yet?”

“Me,” Pietro said.  “‘The Core Systems and Their Means of Economic Stabilization of the Expansion Zones.’”

“Me too,” Faith said.  “‘The Balance of Mechanicus Doctrine with Post-Educational Requirements.’”


Freya nodded glumly.  “I think I need to put a bit more work into mine.  Plus that Math test Thursday.  Blargh.”

“Yeah, that’s a mean one,” Pietro said ruefully.

“I can help you study for it if you need me to,” Jake offered.  “Math is my best subject, after Chemistry.”

“No, thanks.  I think I can handle it,” Pietro said, downing his tea.

The little group sat there, discussing the few parts of their lives that could be called ‘normal,’ until Remilia felt her bone-weariness set in.  “Sorry to break it up, guys, but I’m really tired.  I think I’m going to turn in.”

“Okay,” Freya said sadly.  “Feel better tomorrow?”

“I hope so,” Remilia said.  She stood, turning to the hall, but lingered a moment, catching Jake’s eye.  He stood, curious, and followed her down the hallway to the guest suite.  The luxurious room didn’t look a thing like the décor in the rest of the house, with its rough simplicity.  Everything here was more ornate, designed to look old-fashioned.  Remilia pushed the door open, then nearly collapsed into the chair next to the door.  Jake paused at the threshold, somewhat nervous.

“Did you want something?” he asked.

“Please sit down,” Remilia said quietly.  “I want to ask you something.”

Jake did so.  The serf had been back to clear away the detritus of her snack, Remilia noted distantly.  “Jake, I’ve never seen Venus happier.  I hate to burden you like this, but can you help me figure some shit out?”

“If I can help, I will,” Jake promised.

“Okay.  Can you keep a secret?”

“Sure I can,” Jake said, a bit nervously.  “What is it?”

“Jake, I’m really, really scared.  I have the best sisters I could ever want, but I can’t…” she struggled to find words.  “I can’t…I’m afraid of my father.  I’m afraid of him now.  It only started a few hours ago, but it’s there.”

“Remilia, I’ve never even met Lord Dorn,” Jake pointed out, feeling like the ground was falling out from under him.

“I know, Jake, but I…” Remilia clamped her mouth shut, thinking furiously.  “I’m sorry.  I can’t ask this without sounding like a horrible person.  But…how do hivers deal with this kind of shit?  Family trouble?  You have so few places to go.”

Jake nodded slowly, thinking her words over.  “…I don’t know where to start, Remilia.  My family, we’ve always lived in the hives.  Even my Grandfather, who was one of the greatest Magi of his temple, always lived in the hives when he could.  We’re spread out all over the hab, it’s true, but we always have each other.”

“Of course,” Remilia said in a small, contrite voice.  “I’m sorry.  Like I said, horrible.”

“Remilia, don’t beat yourself up.  I didn’t know how surfacers lived before I went to Imperator.  I don’t expect you to know how hivers live.”

Jake leaned forward, trying to sound more helpful than patronizing.  “I thought you people lived in apartments made of gold.  Well, no, not exactly, but the thought was the same.  And in the time since I’ve come up here, I’ve wanted to strangle a few of our classmates for wasting as much as they do.  I don’t know if that sense of waste and entitlement extends to the actual nobility themselves, in their lives and families, but the others at school sure have it.  Now, I’ve never met your father.  From what I’ve heard, he’s a scary son of a bitch and a powerful leader of men.  But…from the sound of it, the two of you…had it out today.”

“You could say that,” Remilia muttered.  “What does wasteful living have to do with anything?”

“Because, Remilia, I don’t know if the troubles you’re having stem from the natural filter of disposability through which the people up here see everything, or if you’re having a problem I can address,” Jake said bluntly.  Remilia jerked her head up, stung.

“I don’t think of things as disposable.”

“This table is worth more than four months pay in my weekend job,” Jake pointed out.  “That necklace Venus made, the one she’s wearing tonight?  I could buy the apartment my neighbors live in for a month with it.”

“Having something and wasting it are two different things,” Remilia argued.  “And we’re getting off-topic.”

“Yeah, all right.”  Jake sat back, working through his own nervousness.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on a tangent.  But I know some guys at school who got into pretty dumb fights with their parents over shit a hiver would shrug off.”

“This is a little more serious, I bet,” Remilia said.

“Remilia, I gotta say, I don’t know how much of a help I can be if your father frightens you.  From what I know of you, from what we’ve said to each other since we met, I think you’re a pretty strong girl.  I don’t know what you said to him, and what he said to you, to make you so scared.  So what is it?” Jake asked reasonably.

“I…he told me that he was a bad father, and I agreed,” Remilia said, letting it tumble out.  “I…hurt myself, and he did it when he was younger too, and rather than help me stop, he just yelled at me and didn’t say anything that would help.”

“…Okay,” Jake said.  “Wow.”

“Yeah…it wasn’t fair of me to ask you to help me, was it,” Remilia said miserably.  She stood up from the chair, tottered over to the bed, and collapsed, facedown in the cover.  “Sorry.  You can go.”

Jake stared at her for a moment, before standing and closing the door.  He sat down next to her on the bed, his mind racing.  “Remilia…all I can tell you is what I would do if I were having a problem with my own father.  And we’ve had a few fights, believe me.”

Her voice was muffled by the covers.  “Yeah?” she asked.  “Like what?”

“Well, when he found out I was dating Venus, he asked me to stop.  He thought I would embarrass her family,” Jake said truthfully.  Remilia popped her head up to look at him.

“Really?  What did you say?”

“‘If you say so, Dad,’” Jake recalled.  “Then I went ahead and dated her anyway.”

“Wow.  Was he pissed off?”

“Livid,” Jake said.  “I didn’t care.  Then I brought Venus home one day, and she got to meet him.  And of course they hit it off just fine.  I think Dad made the same mistake that a lot of hivers make.  They think of you and your family like demigods or something.”

“Yeah.  One of them took it so far that he shot someone who wasn’t in perfect accord with Grandpa, or tried,” Remilia said darkly.

“I really, sincerely hope you’re not comparing George Seager to Ulysses Keiter,” Jake said.

“Fuck, fuck, no, of course not,” Remilia said hastily.  “I didn’t…argh, damn it!” she said, slamming a fist into the bedspread.  Jake sighed.

“The next big one was when the Treasury got involved with us,” Jake continued.  “The Emperor had put us on the VIP list, since he had misinterpreted my name being on the Special Guests list for the Museum Wing opening party at the Palace.  When I came home, Dad was standing there in the main room, just waiting to grill me.  Know what I did?”

“What?”

“I called Venus on my vox, but pretended that Vulkan had picked up.  ‘Yes, Lord Vulkan, I can ask.  By the way, I didn’t make too much noise with your daughter last night, did I?’” he pantomimed.

Remilia actually giggled.  “You didn’t.”

“I did.  ‘Did I exacerbate her back too much?  I certainly wasn’t trying to.’  Come to think of it, I still don’t know if Dad’s figured out that it was Venus at the other end.”

“Hahah, that’s great.”  Remilia crossed her arms under her chest and smiled up at Jake.  “So…aside from trolling and ignoring him, how do you deal with problems?”

“I talk it out.  I try to remember that he’s been through some shit in his time too,” Jake said.  “I don’t know if he’d want me to tell you this, but when he was seventeen, he was arrested for possession.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.  He got off, but it was close.  Arbites wanted to make an example out of him.  So I remember that he’s got reasons to telling me to do or not to do shit.”

“Yeah.  I guess I just want Dad to tell me when he has some reason for the bullshit he pulls,” Remilia said angrily.

“Well…assume that he has one.  He’s not stupid.  But ask when he doesn’t tell you outright.  That’s about what I can provide.”

“All right.”  Remilia went quiet, staring at her arms.  “Um…I did have one more question.  Two, actually.”

“Sure.”

“Please don’t answer this if it makes you uncomfortable, all right?” she asked, looking sidelong up at him.  When he nodded, she continued.  “Do you and Venus ever fight?”

Jake hesitated.  “Never about anything meaningful.  I mean…once or twice, yeah, but not something we’d break up over.”

“Like what?” Remilia asked.  “Sorry to be nosy.”

Jake thought for a moment, looking off into the distance.  “I’m not really comfortable answering that in detail.  But…I guess there’s one thing.  When we first met, I treated her differently from the other students at Imperator.  I treated her like the other members of the Royal Family, like you and Farah.  She acted really weird over that.  I thought she was just like that always, but then Farah explained that she hated being treated differently from the other students at the school, Royalty or not.  Once we got that ironed out, things were OK.”

“Mmm.  Well, don’t answer more than that if you don’t want to,” Remilia said.

“Unless…did Venus already tell you about the party?” Jake asked.

“Huh?  You mean the party where she hurt her back?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, she said a little.  She was discreet, but she and I chatted a bit that morning, on the ‘Net.”

“Mmm.”  Jake grimaced a little.  “See, now I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I was dumb enough to ask,” Remilia said.

“I asked her why she would hurt herself like that.  And…she told me that it was how the Salamanders decorate themselves after a victory, or to commemorate something.”  Jake looked down at Remilia.  “Is it like that for your Dad and you, too?”

“…Sort of,” Remilia said, deciding to leave the lengthier story for later.

“Well, she promised me that she would never do anything like that again.  I believe her.  I think she understands that I think it’s barbaric, and that her father doesn’t want that to be part of her life.”

“See, that gets me!  Dad wants me to stop, so I do, but he wants me to stop for the worst possible reason!  He cares more about me figuring out why I should stop than the fact that that it was happening in the first place!” Remilia exploded.

“I can’t speak to that,” Jake cautioned, “but if he really didn’t care about you, would he want you to stop at all?  Since he thinks it made him stronger?”

“…I don’t know.  Maybe.  He was the reason I was cutting in the first place,” Remilia said bitterly.

“Really?  How do you figure?”

“…Fuck, I don’t know.  I’m too tired for this shit,” Remilia grumbled.  “I don’t think he likes seeing me angry.  I want to think he just…can’t understand why I’m so disappointed in him.”

Jake nodded sadly.  “Do you know why?”

“Because he never once helps me figure things out.  I’m always on my own.”

“What about Lady Dorn?”

“Mom’s never around.  She’s always off championing some charitable cause or other.  Never here when I need her.”  Remilia sighed heavily, her shoulders shifting under the weight of the world.  “…I should apologize to Miranda and Magnus for dragging them into this.”  She looked up to see Jake looking down at her, clearly pained.  “I guess…I’m just angry at how little it means to him that I be a part of his life.”  The pale hiver didn’t say a word, just looked down at the princess in silence.  She held his gaze for a few seconds, before her eyes unfocused.  “…Faith is completely full of shit.  But she’s right sometimes.  She once told me revelation doesn’t heal.”

Jake reached over and grabbed her closer hand, running his fingers along hers.  “Do you want me to say here for a while longer, or should I go?” he asked.  Remilia felt her pulse quicken a bit before shaking off her irrational impulse.

“I should sleep,” she said.

“All right,” Jake said, offering up one last smile.  “See you after the presentation tomorrow.”

“Yep,” she said faintly.  Jake stood up to go, reaching for the handle.  Her voice caught him up short.  “Jake?”

“Yes?”

“Do you really think surfacers are wasteful?”

“Do you want me to be honest, or nice?” he asked hesitantly.

“Honest’s worked so far,” she pointed out.

“I think the cruelest thing the Emperor ever did was build a world where his chosen live in such splendor, and everyone else lives in such deprivation,” Jake said truthfully.  “It took effort not to resent surfacers.”

“Mmm.”  Remilia thought for a moment.  “Is it wrong of me to want to do something nice for you for helping me get my shit together?”

“No, but I won’t accept anything too expensive.  I’ll feel bad.  I’m full of contradictions like that,” he joked.

“Okay.”  Remilia smiled into the downy cover.  “You have a nice shoulder.  Can I lean on it again some time?”

Jake chuckled.  “If you need one.”

“Good.  Say goodnight to everyone for me, okay?” she asked.

“You bet.”  He turned the lights off with a wave.  “Sleep well.”

Venus and the others were waiting for him when he got back.  “Is she going to be all right?” Freya worried.

Jake smiled wearily.  “She’ll be fine.  She just needs about three days worth of sleep.”

“What she needs is a hot dicking and a father that doesn’t wish he had a son,” Freya growled.

“Hey,” Jake said, frowning at her.  “She’s a mess.  Just let her be.  Can you get her to school tomorrow?  She said she would want to visit Miranda’s to thank Lord Magnus for his help after the presentation.”

“I’ll do it,” Freya said.

“All right.”  Jake grabbed his jacket.  “Then, if you don’t mind, I think I need to head out.”

“Me too,” Pietro said, fishing his keys out of his pocket.  “Thanks for having us over, Freya.”

“Hey, any time.”  The perky redhead watched the others file out and say their goodbyes, until she was alone in the room.  A serf popped his head in from a side door.

“Freya, may I tidy up a bit?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure,” she said, standing up.  “We’re done.”

“Very well,” the serf said, making for the pile of dishes in the middle of the sitting room.  Freya stood up, brushing her knees free of crumbs.

Remilia was pulling the covers up when yet another knock came from the door.  “Who’s there,” she asked blearily.

“Me,” Freya called back.  “Can I come in?”

“Uh…okay,” Remilia said, yanking the covers up a bit higher.

Freya pushed the old-fashioned wood doors open and walked in, closing them behind her.  “Hey.  I’m glad you got to talk with Jake.”

“Yeah,” Remilia said wearily.  “He’s good people.”

“He is.”  Freya didn’t wave the lights up; her eyes could see through the darkness like there was a searchlight in each one.  “Are you going to be OK?”

“Not for a few days, but eventually, I suspect so,” Remilia said, letting her head fall back to the pillows.

“…Do you want to know what my Dad would say if he were here?” Freya asked hesitantly.

“What?” Remilia sighed.

“‘Your cousin needs a vacation,’ I think,” Freya intoned.

“Hah!  He’s not wrong.”

“After graduation, I think we should go on a tour.  You, me, Venus, Alex, Jake.  Just a few months.  Go see the galaxy a little,” Freya said.

“…A road trip?  Really?”

“Yeah.  Fenris, Nocturne.  Venus really wants to go home, see it.  I do too.”

“I can’t say I’m fucked to see Inwit, but a vacation sounds grand,” Remilia said.  “Maybe I can guilt Dad into loaning me the Phalanx.”  Freya didn’t answer for a moment, and Remilia huffed.  “It was a joke.”

“Oh.  I was really unsure for a moment.”  Freya padded silently over to where her sister lay, and gingerly leaned down next to her.  “I mean it.  Stay a while.  Get your head together.”

“Thanks, Freya,” Remilia said.  Freya nipped her ear.  “Now go get some sleep yourself, OK?  Presentations.”

“Right.”  Freya straightened up.  “Good night.”