Editing Cadia (section)

==Cadia and you==
[[File:Cadian Cmdr female.jpg|400px|thumbnail|right|Even their officers serve in the frontlines.]]
First, let me start with saying that it [[Khorne|sucked to live on Cadia]]. Oh, you think where you live sucks? Live in a crime infested ghetto or something similar? A couple drive by shootings and a stolen TV are ''nothing'' compared to how much it sucked to live on Cadia. Why does it suck you ask? Oh, not much of a reason at all. Just the fact that it's like, six feet away from the fucking [[Eye of Terror]] (It also sucks to live ''there'', but for many reasons other than Cadia).

It just sucks to live on Cadia, period. Yes, there are several manly, redeeming qualities (see below) about the planet, but if you live on Cadia you're too busy replacing the power pack in your [[Lasgun|flashlight]] after throwing back Monday's Chaos invasion to notice. A short list includes, but is not limited to:

*Being drafted before you can walk, learning to shoot before you can count, and getting thrown in the meat-grinder (mostly figuratively, sometimes literally) by the age of 16.
*Learning how to shoot so young that when you're toilet-trained you're told to aim your dick like it's a lasgun.
*Marauding bands of [[Chaos Space Marines]] and [[Lost and the Damned|assorted heretics]] trying to kill you.
*Random WAAAGH!!!s of [[Orks|greenskins]] trying to kill you.
*Stealthy platoons of [[Eldar|Space Elves]] trying to kill you.
*Your own [[Commissar|superior officers]] trying to ki-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*No privacy whatsoever for your entire life.
*Constant fear of death before you reach puberty.
*Constant fear of death during puberty.
*Constant fear of death after puberty, but chances are you'll die before this, have your soul sold to/claimed by a chaos deity and for their lolz spend your death in constant fear of puberty.
*Superior officers barking orders down your neck for all the years that you're alive.
*<s>No time to screw around,</s> you're always on duty. Sometimes said duty is to help train new recruits for their inevitable deaths.
*The top fashions in Cadia are camo patterns and body armor.
*[[Heresy|Heretical]] [[Chaos Cults|cults]] springing up by the dozen every week.
*[[Chaos|Voices]] keep telling you to ditch the duty and [[Slaanesh|relax]], [[Khorne|let loose]], call in [[Nurgle|sick]], or try something [[Tzeentch|different]].
*The fact that the planet's <s>main</s> '''only''' export is Soldiers should clue you in.
*[[Mutant]]s springing up everywhere wanting to try out the new pincer claw they just got on your neck.
*[[Grimdark|Even after you die, Cadia doesn't stop being shitty to you, because once the engraving on your tombstone is illegible, it means you've been dead for so long nobody alive cares about you anymore, so your corpse is dug up and thrown into an incinerator while a fresh corpse is thrown into your hole. And then ''they'' will be dug up and thrown away as well.]]
*Cadia is now destroyed and consumed by the Eye of Terror. If you're still living there, you're either a heretic, a warp entity, fighting a heroic last stand, or really ''really'' unlucky. Scratch that, due to Chaos forces largely moving on, the Imperial Guard forces who made it to secure fortifications rallied and retook the planet AFTER IT WAS DESTROYED. The Guard truly are the manliest men to ever manly.

Seriously, it just sucks to live there, just take my word for it. Avoid prolonged stays on Cadia at all costs.