Editing Daria 40k (section)

===Turn 1: I Loathe A Crusade.===
With apologies to the fine folks (except for Matt Ward) at Games Workshop.

'''Ultima Segmentum, Planet Lawndale. Year 997.M41.'''

[[Commissar Fuklaw|Colonel-Commissar DeMartino]] surveyed the motley crew of Planetary Defense Force troops, Guardsmen, Sisters of Battle and Space Marines of the redoubtable Lions Chapter who would be participating in the joint operation to eradicate the vile forces of Chaos from Lawndale. It was time for the rousing speech.

"Well, SOLDIERS! The time has come for us to PURGE this planet of HERESY once and for ALL!" DeMartino's augmetic right eye telescoped in and out in time to his staccato voice.

"Hey, Commissar D?" A power-gauntletted hand shot up from amidst the crowd. It was one of the yellow and blue liveried Lions. Now, were they an Ultramarines or an Imperial Fists successor chapter, DeMartino wondered. Their Brother Captain looked more like one of the Salamanders, though...

"YES, Brother Kelvinus?"

"Do we really gotta purge? My last girlfriend was into that and even though she had a hot bod, the stomach acid made her teeth really gross."

The Commissar unsheathed his laspistol. "Don't WORRY, Kelvinus! With the kind of PURGING we're doing, your TEETH will be the LEAST of your worries! Allow me to DEMONstrate!"

"Commissar DeMartino!" A voice that was ludicrously hammy and overdramatic even by the standards of Dawn of War voice acting bellowed out from behind him. "Just wwwwwhat do you think you're doing?!"

"Governor Militant Li? I was MERELY about to CONDUCT a demonSTRATION of the proper method of dealing with GROSS INCOMPETENCE!"

"On a member of the Adeptus Astartes? I think not!"

"But, Governor Militant-"

"Do you have any idea what kind of resources the Imperium puts into the the selection, training and outfitting of every Space Marine? Just think of the kind of trouble I-I mean, The Imperrrrrrium of Man would be in if I allowed you to sacrifice one so frivolously."

"But I-"

"If you really need to summarily execute somebody, shoot one of those PDF losers, nobody cares about them, anyway."

"Yeah!" Brother Kelvinus piped up. "They gotta be full of gross incontinence. Otherwise they'd be Space Marines like us, right Mack Daddy?"

"I told you not to call me that." Said Brother Captain Macabias with disdain.

"Can't I shoot myself instead?" DeMartino pleaded.

"Sorry, no can do." Li was adamant. "Losing one of our HQ choices this early in the game will cost me... I mean, The Imperrrrium of Man, too many valuable points. You don't die until I say so."

Colonel-Commissar DeMartino never did get to finish the rousing speech. He was too busy looking for a Chaos Landraider to heroically throw himself under.