Editing Heretical Love (section)

=== Thread 1: IT'S HERESY TIME ===

''You are high lord Inquisitor Maximus Decarus, feared by xeno/alien alike. You leave fried Orks and charred Eldar in the wake of your fleet’s exterminatus as you sail about the stars in the Emperors name.''

Haha, just kidding, you are Max Decarus, lowly trooper in the [[Emprah]]’s imperial guard. [[Orks]] don’t seem to notice your [[lasgun]] and the last [[Eldar]] you saw wiped out half of your squad and insulted your mother.
You were just a boot when your landing ship touched down on Yagis V, and you have quickly ascended nothing in rank by your heroic deeds of fleeing and being lucky enough to stay out of the Commisar’s sights.

Today… Today isn’t much different.

You feebly fire your glorified laser pointer in the general direction of a horde of charging Orks, you don’t need to aim, you would have to try to miss. It’s not like hitting them does much anyways.

A Monolith appears suddenly to your left, just warped on in. From where is anyone’s guess.
“Thank the Empruh, spess muhreens!” You hear a guardsman cry out, voice mystified with adoration.
Sure enough, six of the Emprah’s finest waltz up behind your position, sizing up the Monolith.
“FOR THA EMPROOOOAAAARRRR!!!” They howl simultaneously as they bound over the low barricade protecting you from shootah fire.
The space marines charge out, waving chainswords menacingly and looking fierce. The Monolith doesn’t even move as gauss fire obliterates every last Astartes. Welp…

You have to believe the stories of the space marines are if nothing else, highly exaggerated. This is the second time you’ve seen those blue suited bastards scream litanies and charge to their doom. The first time at a Chaos Titan of all things…

“We are so fucked.” You groan as Chaos Daemons start warping in between you and the Orks. At least they have nice tits… Purple and attached to warp beasts who would enjoy little more than ripping you apart. But still, you didn’t know Daemonettes were stacked.
A Fire Prism from out of nowhere busies itself with hammering away at your squad, as quite obviously you are the real threat here. You, huddling low and shaking in your “armor”.
Some Fire Warriors show up and start blasting away as well, sure why the fuck not, one giant “kill some guardsmen” party…
Hours later you somehow pull yourself from under a pile of rubble and Orks, seeing no one around.
There is a Vox nearby, and you give it a try.
“Guys?” you ask quietly.
Up in the dark sky you see the Imperial Cruiser you arrived in snap in half as an Ork ship just rams on through it.
“…Guys?”
“…” No response, just static.
All of this because this planet was home to a power fist that for whatever reason the machine cult had been worshiping for millennia…
Well at least the Armory is nearby, so you scrounge for some equipment.

You find an unused Commissar uniform.
<strike>Some call me the Commissar of Love.</strike> <span style="color:#FF0000;">*BLAM* HERESY!!</span> <br>
The hat is probably the coolest thing ever, the sword and pistol are both pretty sweet, but this fucking hat, seriously.
You are too busy flexing and posing in a mirror to notice a servo skull float up behind you.
The skull beeps and you whirl around, flailing your new sword and busting a cap as you pop off rounds. Wu Tang Clan ain’t nuthin to fuck wit.
“Oh, it’s just you…” You are glad no one was around to see you.

The skull scans you and must think you really are a Commissar because it starts playing a message. You listen intently as it lays out tactical data for all the Xenos here. Interesting.
A nearby Vox rattles out a quick message, identifying itself as a sister of battle.
The Mechanicus command is nearby as well.
Well there isn’t much else to do, may as well check out some of these leads. Who knows, maybe you can find some help or even a way off this rock… Or get your knob slobbed, it could happen.


Many Guardsmen mistakenly believe that the Sisters of Battle are allies that can be trusted entirely. What they fail to realize is that often times a Sister is just as likely to roast you for even a whiff of heresy as they are to help you. They also have a VERY broad and often convoluted definition of heresy.
For this reason, you approach the rhino transport with utmost caution. True, you did track the broadcast to this vehicle, but you don’t trust a Sororita unless she is far separated from the nearest incineration device.
You clear your throat and knock on the rear hatch of the transport.

“Sister of Battle, this is Commissar Decarus, are you in there?”
A jet of fire almost engulfs you, missing by nigh more than a foot. You dive out of the way as another firing port opens right in front of your face.
The ramp drops with a thud and a Sororita comes screaming out, chainsword roaring and fire bursting all around her.
Only after several moments does she slow to a stop, gazing around hawkishly, as her flamer dies down.
“Am I still alive?” You ask, having ducked and covered as you had learned to do.
Her eyes snap to you and you feel them burning as hot as her flamer, as though boring into your very being. You know she is eying you for any glimpse of heresy, you pray she doesn’t pick up on any. If she does, you might be lucky enough to garner a quick death via chainsword rather than a drawn out burning ordeal. Though likely not.

“Die heretic!”
“No, fuck you, you crazy bolter bitch, I’m not a heret''iiicccccc''!!!” You howl as you dodge yet another slash of her chainsword.
She’s fast, too fast, and in her armor far stronger than you are.
The sword comes back around just after you dodged, you don’t have time to avoid it this time. You throw up your hands in some kind of pitiful defense.
The roaring implement of demise slashes down toward you, is this it? Is this how you end up? Cut to pieces on some xeno world by a cute but slightly crazy “ally”?

An instant before the chainsword crashes home into your soft, fleshy frame, a blinding golden light flashes. The chainsword flies out of the Sororita’s hand and lands in the dirt yards away.
She blinks at you, clearly in shock.
“It must be a sign…” She whispers, and she kneels in quick prayer.
You get up off the ground and dust off your hat. You aren’t sure what happened, but if it hadn’t you would be dead. In the flash of light, you swear you glimpsed a golden pauldron of some kind. But that isn’t possible, your must have just been seeing things.

You squirm a bit under her gaze, which doesn’t let up as her face draws ever closer…
“Hmph, something saved you today, the Emprah must be watching over you. Still, I can’t ignore such an obvious sign.”
She sets down her weapons and takes a seat on a piece of rubble, sighing as she does so.

You can’t help but notice, even for a Sororita, she is really damn cute. She sports a shorter cut of the Sister’s standard white hair, though with the addition of a small purity seal hair pin. Her face is smooth, and she sports a small inquisitorial tattoo under her left eye, which is blue. You notice her right eye, in comparison, is green.
Admittedly however, you have a hard time concentrating on any of these details. After all, you’ve never been this close to a Sororita, especially one with such massive sweater squiggies, who also tried to kill you. Emprah be praised, sometimes this grim and dark universe offers a brief reprieve of bliss. Though the grimdark of the fact you almost got flayed still has you pretty shaken up.

“S-s-s-so, w-w-w-what are you doing here?” Your voice is shaky, must be the adrenaline.
You sit down and put your hat on your lap to cover up your massive erection, must be the adrenaline, maybe.
She looks you over again before answering, the steel in her eyes still very apparent. She doesn’t trust you, and you can’t exactly blame her. Golden flashes of light and all.
“I got separated from my sisters when the Chaos Marines hit our position, the defiler they brought with them overwhelmed our zeal, we clearly were not faithful enough.”
She looks at her hands dejectedly, as though disgusted with herself.

“Do you have any idea what in the name of the Emprah is happening here? I mean, how many of our forces are left, how screwed are we?” You ask, placing the hat back on your head.
She looks back at you and shrugs.
“You probably know most of it. Our troops are scattered at best, the guard is more or less wiped out, and the space marines… well…” she trails off, looking annoyed.
“Did they charge another Titan and or Monolith?”
“A Knarloc…” She says through her single facepalm.

Your foot feels itchy and restless, you rub at it through your boot absent mindedly.
“So what your trying to tell me, is we are pretty screwed?”
She shrugs in her armor, lowering her hands.
“The guard and Astartes perhaps, but I know my Sisters are alive and bolstering their strength, I just know it!” She suddenly looks hopeful, the fire back in her eyes.
It’s not like you have much going on anyway.
“Want me to help you find them, your sisters I mean? I’m sure they are just fine.” 
She stands up and walks over to you, placing one of her gauntleted hands on your shoulder.
“I’m glad to hear it, I’ll accept your help Commissar.” She beams at you before slowly looking away, averting her eyes.
You notice she is blushing a bit as she rubs her lip with a finger.
“…and I’m sorry I tried to purge you.”
You barely hear this. Your heart is pounding in your ears being this close to her. You might need to move your hat again, damn adrenaline.
She suddenly spins around and pumps a fist.
“All right, let us venture forth and find my Sisters!”
The sudden change snaps you out of your dreamy state.

“Huzzzzah!” you yell as you drive your boot into her backside
She yelps in surprise and spins around, glaring at you, teeth bared in rage.
“That’s for trying to flay me without even having a POSSIBLE REASON as to why I was somehow a heretic.” You shout at her.
Her temper briefly flares but suddenly subsides and she nods.
“I’ve rightly earned that, perhaps my zeal was… ah… too hot this day.”
“Damn right it was…” You mutter as you cross your arms.
“Anyways, where exactly are we headed?” You ask.
She looks at you quizzically.
“I thought perhaps you knew, Commissar. As the Emperor’s hand seems to rest on your shoulder this day.”
You don’t say anything, it’s evident neither of you have any idea where to go.

""Grab my hand and spin with me sister!" You yell, outstretching your hand toward her.
"Wh-what?" She asks, taking a step back and perhaps re-evaluating your level of heresy.
You dive in and snatch her hand, pulling her in close to you. Your eyes meet and in that moment of primordial passion you begin to spin.
Faster and faster you go, where you'll wind up nobody knows.

"TO THE SKIES!" You bellow suddenly, stopping the spin.
"Huh?" The surprised Sororita gasps.
You pull her to a nearby Valkyrie, and together you clamor inside.
"Do you uh... Know how to drive one of these?"
You stop pushing buttons and flipping switches to look over at her for a moment.
"No I do not, and knowing is half the battle."
With a lurch the Valkyrie lifts off and jets away, as you cruise about the skies with impunity.
"WERE GOING DOWNNNNN!" The sister bellows, grabbing for something to brace the impact.
The craft slams into the pavement hard, and suddenly breaks through the ground below...

"Are we dead?" The Sororita asks, rubbing her head.
You feel around, you don't think you are.
"That would be my ASS Commissar..."

''Meanwhile, in the legion of doom...''

"Lord Abbadon, we have completed the final preparations, we are prepared to use THAT."

Abbadon, the embodiment of Chaos, almost allows himself to crack a smile. Soon this world w...

A loud crash is heard overhead and Abbadon gazes up to see what caused the ruckus. A second later, the cockpit of a Valkyrie sinks down into view. Inside, a Commissar and a Sororita...

"I was just looking for the instrument panel..." You lie, not sure what drove you to try to cop a feel over power armor.
The Valkyrie sinks into the dirt and suddenly drops down into a cave below.
And Abbadon the Despoiler is staring you in the face.

"Oh Emprah, THRUSTERS TO MAXIMUM! LET FLY ALL GUNS" You punch the controls and slam every button you can reach.
The Valkyrie's engines roar and the frontal guns and missiles erupt to life.
Or they would if the power wasn't dead.
Abbadon's companion rips open the cockpit of the ship, as Abbadon himself has no arms, and wrenches you out, holding you in his power claw. This is probably the end for you.
The Sororita is snatched up by two other Chaos Marines in Terminator armor. This really, really doesn't look good.
Still, there's nothing like a good blaster at your side kid.

The Chaos Marines are too busy cackling madly to notice you slipping your laspistol out of its holster.
"Its Blamming time!"
Your first shot hits the one holding you under the jaw, and at point blank range there is nothing to save him. The power claw goes slack and he drops you to the ground as his corpse falls backwards.
With excellent accuracy you headshot one of the Terminators holding your Sororita friend, and he fudges his save and dies because fuck him. The other one drops the sisters arm and runs.
"Nooooo, noooooo!!! Seize them! Seize theemmmmm!!!" Abbadon howls after you as you grab the Sororita's arm and break into a run.

"Abbadon, your reign of heresy ends TODAY!"
You draw your sword and ready yourself, steeling your nerves for what you are about to do.
Wait are you about to attack fucking Abbadon THE DESPOILER?
Too late, your legs are already moving, propelling you at full force right at the embodiment of heresy.
"Commissar no!" You hear the Sororita call out from behind you.
This attack could well decide the fate of the Imperium as man as you know it.

You swing with all your might, but it only slams into the side of Abbadon's exposed head and doesn't penetrate more than a millimeter.
He reels backwards and trips over his foot, crashing onto his back. You thought about finishing him off until a horde of Chaos Marines come charging from a passage in the cave.
"Time to go!" You yell as you grab the Sororita and throw her over your shoulder. Holy fuck she is heavy, that power armor weighs a ton. Still, you can't be a little bitch right now.
You toss her into the passenger seat of the Valkyrie and jump in yourself. Furiously you smash and kick and scream at the controls. The Chaos Marines are close enough to start shooting now, and they do. Bolter rounds slam into the hull of the vehicle all around you.
"By the Empruh you will start this day!" You scream as you shoot the instrument panel.
The machine spirit reluctantly gives and the craft shudders to life. Wasting no time you throw it in R and hit max throttle.

"I'll get you next time Commissar! NEXT TIME!!!!" Abbadon howls at you, shaking his fist in rage, if he had one.
With a terrible screech the craft throws itself backwards out of the hole and soars ass-first into the sky.
While its true you did manage to put this punk machine spirit in its place, it is also true that you still don't know how to fly this damn thing.
Worse yet, the engines are losing power and the control panel is flashing on and off.
This bird is going down, the question is, where?

"Hey, since we might die when you try to land this thing, whats your name?" The Sororita looks over to you and asks.
You look away from the instrument panel momentarily.
"Its Max, not sure why you want to know a silly thing like that."
She looks away.
"Max..." She says softly.
"And how about you, what can I call you?"
Her gaze snaps back to you.
"Lycheria. Sister Lycheria."
The left engine flames out, looks like this is going to be another hard landing.

The roof of the manufactorum is underneath you, and though it is quite an impressively large structure, you do question your own landing skills.
The Valkyrie shudders and bucks as its last remaining engine struggles to keep the craft stable. Wind whips though the now exposed cockpit.
"Hey!" The Sororita yells over the din.
"If this is the end for us, I just wanted to let you know, I was glad to meet you Max." She finishes with a small smile.
The sight give you a bit of confidence, but still, the task before you is daunting.
"Here goes nothing right?" You grip the controls hard.
The ship is coming in to hot, but there is little more you can do than try to hold her steady, hope the roof holds, and hope you don't go skidding off of it and crash into the ground far below the building.


With some kind of deft skill you must have latently been concealing up until this point, you actually manage to set the Valkyrie down fairly lightly for a flaming hunk of fire and hate.
When the craft finally skids to a stop and the painful screaming subsides, you open your eyes.
“Do stop screaming will you…” Lycheria asks, looking at you dubiously.
You lay back in your seat and wipe the sweat off your face. Yesterday you were stealing extra rations from the barracks, today you’ve fought off one of the Imperium’s greatest foes, landed a ship you didn’t know how to fly, and actually lived to tell the tale.
Lycheria gets up and stretches, her curvy frame filling up your view against a backdrop of sky.
“What’s the matter?” She tilts her head back to look at you playfully.
“Carnifex got your tongue?”
You smile, but your vision is getting hazy. You try to get up and find that you can’t. Looking down, you see why.
A piece of shrapnel from the shredded canopy has annoyingly lodged itself in your chest. Blood drips down from the wound.
Lycheria’s face goes white-er, as she notices the wound. She rushes over to you quickly and pulls apart your clothing to get a better look at the wound.
“Its… Its serious, but nothing you can’t survive.” She pulls you to your feet.
“We’re going to go find you some help, get you patched up. By the Emperor’s holy codpiece you had better not die on me.”
As she pulls you up, the shrapnel falls out of the wound. What looked like a piercing blow by a large shard is little more than a flesh wound. Both of you stop dead.
Until Lycheria smacks you across the head.

“You bastard! I was actually worried about you there!” She screams frantically.
And before you know it, her lips are pressed to yours. They are disarmingly soft, you don’t know why you had always assumed a Sororita’s outside would be tough, but it isn’t. The feeling is blissful, and you don’t want it to end.
“Sorry, but I think I do have a concussion…” You mumble.
“Well we will just have to get that treated, but you should be fine in the meantime. I’ll bandage up your wound though.”
Lycheria grabs the medkit out of the husk of the Valkyrie and pops it open. 

She tries unsuccessfully to open some packages and then sighs.
“Power armor, good for many things, detail work not being one.”
Her armor disengages itself and she begins to remove it. You’ve never seen a Sister or Astartes remove their armor, it’s pretty interesting. Especially the part where her breastplate falls forward and her tits bounce from the release, though still hidden in a tight sports bra. (+1 as needed to contain tits of this magnitude.)
She suddenly notices your eyes, and possibly the strand of drool leading to quite a puddle on the roof.
“Like what you see, Commissar?”
You're taken aback by the question. If you say yes, will she kill you or unlock full dere mode? Fucking women how do they work?

“…And if perhaps, I do?” You inquire.
She picks you up by your collar and pulls you close, you can feel her hot breath on your face.
“Then, Max, you had better be willing to see it through to the end.”
Her lips meet yours again, a reunion that sets the sky alight with color and causes strange xeno birds to sing their song of triumph.
Her breasts, though caged in her tight clothing and begging to be set free, smoosh themselves into your chest. Heaven, this is HEAVEN. The Emperor himself bro-fists you from the golden throne.
“Sister Lycheria, is that you?” A voice calls out from the side of the building.
Lycheria lets you go and whirls around.
“Sister Candis, is that you!?” She cries out joyfully.
“Indeed it is, come over here and we will get you off the roof.” The other sister yells back.
Your first chance at some sweet warrior-girl-from-space action and you get cockblocked. HARD. Go figure...