Editing Lorgar (section)

==Post Heresy==
[[Image:Lorgar portrait.jpg|thumb|left|'''GREETINGS MEWLING CORPSE SLAVE, DO YOU HAVE A FEW MINUTES TO HEAR ABOUT THE GOOD WORD OF CHAOS UNDIVIDED?''']]
[[Image:Lorgar.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Note that his [[Galactic Partridges|purity seals have purity seals]] and his scalp is inscribed with holy scripture. Because if you are going to do it, you have to do it right.]]
So now he's the Daemon-Primarch of the [[Word Bearers]], the guys who make the rest of the Chaos Space Marines look like all around swell secular humanist types. They're kind of like Jehovah's Witnesses, except instead of knocking on your door and telling you about Jesus they knock down your door and ask you which end of a daemon summoning you want to be on. This tends to make Chaos' otherwise awful selling pitch seem oddly compelling. He also has a particular hatred for atheists, so he loathes his atheist daddy Emprah and the [[Tau|weeaboo space communists]] more than he hates everything else.

In a supreme twist of irony, the [[Ecclesiarchy]] of the Imperium (which is the primary target for the Word Bearers during conquest) derives most if not all of their religious texts from Lorgar. That Bible they administer to citizens daily? The prayers quadrillions of soldiers and civilians utter daily in an effort to believe? That devotion to the Emperor? All fostered and nurtured by Lorgar. All brought about by him and his Legion's sheer devotion. And all that shit works (Grey Knights are protected from Daemons by their faith while the latter fear holy water blessed by the Ecclesiarchy, Sisters of Battle pull out miracles and have (a) freakin' Living Saint(s) resurrected by the Emperor, etc), leading to countless jokes about it being Lorgar's plan all along. In short, Lorgar is responsible for both the Heresy that marked the end of the Imperium's golden age, and the only thing that would save Humanity in its long evolution to a fully psychic race. That being said, Lorgar is actually so ashamed of the [[Lectitio Divinitatus]] (the primary holy book of the Imperium he wrote) that bringing it up is a surefire way to have your body and soul obliterated in such horrific ways [[anal circumference|that no words exist in the myriad tongues of the universe to fully encompass the unholy rape you would receive]]. Seriously, just... don't. He has also completed his new Chaos fan-fic lazily named the [[Book of Lorgar]] which is basically the Chaos version of the Divinitatus. Now just imagine his face when he hears that [[Roboute_Guilliman|Gorillaman]] himself is slowly becoming convinced of the Emperor's divinity and is reading a copy of the Lectitio Divinitatus with Lorgar's autograph....

Since the Heresy, Lorgar's notable achievements consist of becoming a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Chaos Undivided]] (and, yes, that is technically possible, and it was also the standard before GW decided to retcon and then undo) before doing sweet fuck all for several millennia. Seriously, [[Magnus the Red|Magnus]] might have spent most of the last ten thousand years sitting in his tower screaming "[[JUST AS PLANNED]]" at the top of his lungs whenever he pours [[Daemonette|milk]] over his daemon cereal but at least he actually got off his red ass and led the [[Thousand Sons]] to wreck the [[Space Wolves]]' shit on their own home planet. ([[Fail|Twice.]]) Lorgar, though? The lazy fuckwit has just been holed up on Sicarus meditating and traversing the warp, secretly "Crying and weeping in guilt for what he has done" quote unquote by our [[Spiritual Liege|spiritual liege]] himself, [[Roboute Guilliman|Rawbutt Derpyman]]. Congratulations, [[Chaos Gods]], you have created the Lovecraftian equivalent of that unemployed asshole friend who won't get off your couch and who is secretly [[Cyrus|emo]]. If you believe Magnus, Lorgar has already achieved what the Chaos Gods wanted by setting up this stalemate between Chaos and the Imperium so he's entitled to some well-earned ruminating on scripture, but fuck that because it's boring. Also because it runs totally counter to the beliefs that Lorgar develops during ''The First Heretic'', which are all about mankind embracing Chaos and everyone becoming willingly possessed like his Gal Vorbak.

Apparently he was actually working on some new daemon summoning techniques, which he taught Abbadon before the Thirteenth Black Crusade. Which on the whole... is pathetic, that's like something they should be doing on their off hours when not busy slaughtering Imperial worlds. Given that Abbadon's the only other big player on the Chaos side who's still devoted to toppling the Imperium in the name of Chaos Undivided, you'd think Lorgar would be beside him every step of the way. The prevailing theory is that he's busy <strike>Indulging Slaanesh's churchboy fantasies</strike> "contemplating the mysteries of Chaos". Although if you want to be logical, (if logic could be applied to chaos or 40k in general) him being the daemon prince of chaos undivided means that he must execute the will of chaos undivided, which is, incidentally, divided, and as such, he can't do shit. Or he, being essentially a spiritual entity, doesn’t need to be “physically” present to guide Abbadon.

As of M42 where shit has most definitely hit the fan in the form of the Great Rift splitting the Galaxy in half, Lorgar has apparently been seen leading the Word Bearers on their Unholy Crusades. So looks like he's finally gotten off his lazy ass! Hopefully soon enough we may get some word on what he is currently up to, as long as Corax does not peck him into hiding again.