Editing Roman Empire (section)

=== The Mythos ===
According to the legends, the ancestry of the Romans can be traced back to the once-powerful city state of Troy. Initially, Troy was winning, but thanks to a [[tactical genius]] named Odysseus, they were tricked into accepting a gift horse statue... which contained Greek warriors who [[Exterminatus|sacked and burned the city and all its inhabitants]]. Troy's salvation would only come when a Trojan aristocrat, Anchises, managed to impregnate nobody else but Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love, herself. Aphrodite gave birth to whom the Romans consider their Saviour and Ancestor: the man, the myth, the legend, Prince Aeneas. 

Aeneas and his surviving Trojans sailed from Asia Minor (Turkey) all throughout the Mediterranean, fighting monsters and disasters through the way, eventually landing in what is now Tunisia, ruled by a city called Carthage: Hera's favourite city, and dominion of the queen Dido. Hera hated the Trojans, doing in all her power to prevent them from accomplishing their destiny, and hence manipulated Dido and Aeneas to fall in love so that they could waste their time fucking each other for so many years. Zeus, realising what Hera had done, came down and bitched-slapped Aeneas to fulfilling his destiny of making a new Troy in the unknown lands of Italia. Aeneas came to his senses and left Carthage, but in doing so, Dido fell into a massive depression, killing herself in a pyre while cursing him and all his descendants.
  
One of Aeneas's descendants in Italia, Princess Rhea, would be impregnated by the God of War himself, Mars. Their children would be known as Romulus and Remus. After rebelling against the Etruscans, they formally founded the city of Rome in 753 BCE... unfortunately Romulus accidentally killed his brother over a dispute on where to place the Pomerium (i.e. city borders). Rome, as the city was known, was underpopulated, consisting mostly of refugees. In order to populate his new city, Romulus enticed Sabine women to come to their little city, and while everyone was drunk, Romulus would then signal to rape (meaning [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rape#Etymology_1 abduct]) every Sabine woman in sight, which naturally pissed off the Sabine men. Luckily however, Stockholm Syndrome prevented war from breaking out and Rome got to live on. What we actually know of that time period was that Rome was one of several minor city states in that area and was ruled by Kings. Somewhere down the line the Roman kingdom is no longer ruled by a Roman, but by an Etruscan, whose son named Lucius Tarquinius Superbus (yes, his name was [[awesome|Superbus]]) rapes (meaning [[rape]]s) a girl named Lucretia.