Editing The Silmarillion (section)

==The Creation Myth==

{{topquote|Eru, hand me the aux cord.|Melkor}}
{{topquote|Okay, but you better not play evil.|Eru Ilúvatar (in an uncharacteristic lapse of judgement)}}

In the beginning, there was absolutely nothing (except for [[Tom Bombadil]], but he doesn't mind). Then the god Eru Ilúvatar began singing. Of course this wasn't just any sort of singing, because to gods like him, [[Bonesinger|singing was a means of weaving raw magic into a pure and physical form]]. He began his singing by creating his children, the Ainur, who in turn joined him in a new heavenly chorus. There were many Ainur, who were divided into the older and more powerful Valar, and the younger and less powerful Maiar. (Many better-known LOTR characters that are Maiar include Gandalf, Saruman, the Balrogs, and Sauron.) The Ainur each sang a different part of the world into existence, such as Ulmo who created the seas and oceans, the only thing Ilúvatar added was the Secret Fire, the source of life that only he possessed.  The Ainur continued singing various into existence, including Aulë who created the Dwarves.  
[[File:Hades_Angry.jpg|right|300px|thumb|When your soulless song minions start creating their own songs.]]
Long dramatic pause.

Ilúvatar found out about the dorfs and was [[butthurt|displeased]], as only he had the ability to genuinely sapient creatures.  He had a vision of the world he was trying to create and his vision didn't include stumpy, uncouth beard people running around with picks and axes grunting "Genocide! Mining!".  Aulë was ashamed, explaining he'd made them due to love for Ilúvatar, but resolved to destroy them.  Ilúvatar saw Aulë's creations plead for mercy and stayed Aulë's hammer, allowing the dorfs to stay and refining Aulë's work by infusing the dorfs with the Secret Fire to give them true life.  Then Aulë's wife Yavanna found out the dorfs would have axes and that [https://1d4chan.org/images/2/2f/DF_Elf_Diplomat_1.png the elves would be no good in keeping them from her trees] so she made some [[Treeman|angry sentient trees]] of her own to fight her hubby's dorfs. How Ilúvatar handled hearing about THAT is not explored, but can't have been too bad since the Ents were allowed to stay. The dorfs would later wake up, around the mid years of Melkor's groundment.

But their antics were nothing compared to the troublemaker of the group. An Ainur by the name of Melkor; described as [[Horus|the most beautiful and gifted singer of all the Ainur]], decided that he wanted to create his own song. At first he was simply an arrogant prick, as he hated collaboration and wanted something that was wholly his own creation. Twice in a row he tried this, and each time Ilúvatar showed him a new, more beautiful song to both amaze the other Ainur and undo the disruptions Melkor caused [[Horus Heresy|(because upstaging your own creations for being too proud never, ever backfires)]].  Melkor first created Fire, hot and cold. As a consequence of the creation of Fire, evil was introduced into the world, but also beauty was created as hot and cold made Weather. The second of his singing served to seat evil in the world by warping many creations, such as granting scorpions their tails. For this, Melkor was cast out of the Ainur's Chorus. Embittered and emboldened by his failure, he continued to desire the Secret Fire for himself; lacking the ability to create life on his own, he instead chose to infuse his own power into Arda, attempting to corrupt all of creation toward his will.  At this, he was largely successful, even though the very act drained him of power until he feared even the power of mortals. As a result of this his influence lingers on in the world even long after his defeat; his dark power now so dispersed that nothing in Arda is truly free of its corruption.  It's particularly concentrated in Gold, which is why dragons love the stuff so much.  Then Ilúvatar stepped back and appointed the Valar - sans Melkor - to run Middle-Earth, only personally getting involved when the Valar asked for help, things went really pear-shaped or something really beautiful happened.