Editing Discworld (section)

==Groups and Institutions==

===Wizards===
[[File:Discworld Wizards.jpg|thumb|left|The Faculty of Unseen University: simultaneously some of the most brilliant and foolish men on the Disc]]
[[Wizard]]s are not so much an association as a collective designation for male magic users<sup>1</sup>. Because 8 is the most magically powerful number in Discworld, the 8th son of an 8th son is automatically a Wizard. If said Wizard manages to produce an 8th son of their own (an exceedingly rare occasion, given their ''scholarly'' nature and widespread (if utterly wrong) belief that such intimacies weaken their magic), the result is a Sourcerer or Wizard^2. Sourcerers are unique among Wizards, as they are a source of magic themselves rather than merely manipulating the abundance of magic that exists naturally on the Disc. Being loved by magic in a place built on magic means that a Sourcerer can essentially reshape reality to their will. The danger they represent, and the nature of their creation, are likely the real reasons Wizards are taught to practice celibacy (not that this is a hard and fast rule).

In the past Wizards lived solitary lives, isolated in tall wizard towers where they studied magic and ran experiments. However, any discoveries made were guarded jealously from other Wizards, viewed as unwelcome competitors. Inevitably this resulted in violent conflict between Wizards trying to remove rivals and plunder towers of their research, growing their own collection of knowledge and power. The resulting damage of these wars were often catastrophic, rendering large parcels of land uninhabitable by the persisting effects of unfettered magic. 

In the interest of self-preservation for both themselves and everyone else living in the immediate area, Wizards finally decided to make peace and collaborate, forming universities where magic could be studied and taught freely. In fact, as the curriculum is almost purely academic, many Wizards tend to no longer bother to cast magic at all unless absolutely required - or there's an opportunity to show off to an audience. Their predilection for ambition and competitiveness does flare up on occasion, but for the most part, Wizards are mollified by overly-frequent feasting and a modicum of respect from the locals.

After the founding of these educational institutions, the oldest of which being Unseen University in Ankh-Morpork, the damage of wizard rivalries was mostly only visited on the wizards themselves: once the rigors of undergraduate studies and the perils of postgrad work were complete, wizards rose up the ranks through a mixture of petty one-upmanship and assassination through mundane means. Currently, this system has become obsolete at UU due to the senior faculty choosing an Archchancellor who lived as a country gentleman for decades after completing a number of degrees and was, therefore, virtually impossible for weedy academic schemers to kill. As a result, with nobody being in danger of assassination, the faculty have taken to ignoring the student body as much as possible. In turn, with methods of advancement possible without murder, the students have been doing serious magical experimentation under the Department of Inadvisably Applied Magic, boiling down the old rituals to their bare requirements and doing the closest thing you can get to scientific experimentation in a place with such a ridiculous amount of concentrated background magic. Surprisingly (or perhaps unsurprisingly, given the previous methods for doing the same thing), the constant use of a magical-mechanical computer to run experiments has not caused any major disasters. 

<small><sup>1</sup>There is at least one exception to this rule, even going by the strictest definitions.</small>

===Witches===
[[File:Witches Dicworld.png|thumb|As fine a body of women as you'd ever hope to avoid...]]
[[Witch]]es, much like their [[wizard]]ly counterparts, are not so much an association as a collective designation for female magic users. Where Wizards tend to congregate and organize themselves into hierarchies, Witches tend to have an independent streak a mile wide and do their own thing. Witches do occasionally gather in Covens (usually three, two witches can work even if they step on each others toes and you can go up to five witches before the whole thing breaks down into a flaming row, three is the sweet spot) and occasionally Witches will have larger meet-ups to discuss matters that concern them all but there's a distinct lack of dancing naked in the moonlight and a lot more exchanging of local gossip and jam preserves. 

Witches are generally far more reserved and austere than Wizards, even after the latter calmed down and stopped obliterating each other with fireballs. Instead of bright star-spangled robes, Witches prefer robust black cloaks that can safely get dirty and keep the chill off while flying by broomstick. Many younger (and foolish) Witches don't always agree with this sentiment, vainly going in for sheer silks and silver bangled jewellery to affect airs of enchanting mysticism. Ironically, while these have no affect on magical ability, they are in some cases detrimental to the job of being a village witch.

Good witchery actually relies very little on using magic, focused more on hard work and cultivating a Reputation of some kind. Medicine, herbology, animal husbandry, arbitration, midwifery, etc. are all often as equally important as spellcasting and potion brewing in witchcraft. Additionally, many witches employ "Boffo," a secret, nonmagical, and extremely powerful method of turning themselves into living legends and engendering respect/admiration/fear in a population. As Witches never ask for money in exchange for their services, they tend to rely on the land and goodwill (and mild intimidation) of their community, who gift foodstuffs and other essentials in appreciation. As such, anti-witch superstition is disastrous for a Witch, as even if she can easily escape an angry mob's bonfire with magic she will still likely be forced to relocate to a place more hospitable. Tragically, many lonely old women, with no family left to care for them and no magic to escape, often get caught up in anti-Witch persecution despite not being witches themselves.

This stigma is not completely unjustified (or perhaps it is the impetus?), as there are several infamous cases of Witches going insane and wreaking havoc. Witches are, by the nature of their relationships with the communities they live in, solitary people who have few friends who aren't also witches. Left alone, some witches might start to think that they're better than the people they help, that the world is full of stupid people and that she could help them if she could only set them on the right path... Conscientious witches make an effort to visit their colleagues for tea, watching their sisters for warning signs of "cackling," a kind of insanity born of physical and mental separation from the rest of the world. A cackling witch gives in to this kind of thinking and starts to shape the world to her will through magic, seeing everyone else as things instead of people and in some cases genuinely believing she's making a better world. A powerful witch who has been lost to the cackling (and the more powerful the witch, the stronger she has to fight against the urge to cackle) tends to end up having to be put down by her sisters or gets thrown in the oven in her gingerbread cottage- storybook villain witch behaviors often result from thinking with a cackling mind.

===The Assassin's Guild===
''"Nil Mortifi Sine Lvcre"'' ("No Killing Without Pay")

Assassins with a Capital-A on the disc are more than just petty thugs hired to kill people for a few dollars. They are cultured and educated Ladies and Gentlemen of proven ability who are on occasion commissioned by other well-connected parties to eliminate their rivals, for a whole lot of money. The Assassin's Guild is allowed to operate in the open and its activities are legal for several reasons. First of all, the Assassins are very well connected (Vetinari was a member) and not the sort of people you want to get on their bad side. Secondly, they run one of the best schools in the City. Many nobles and wealthy people send their sons and daughters there, even if they are academic tracks within it where you don't partake in the stabbier part of the curriculum. Thirdly, the Guild has rules of conduct and a code of honour and while it is engineered to serve their purposes they are normally quite strict in following it. 

For those alumni of the Assassin's Guild school who wish to "take the black" and become licensed Assassins themselves, there is a fairly high attrition rate. As well of the inherent dangers of an Assassin's career, the final exam for would-be Assassins is a live fire sink-or-swim affair where instructors are all too happy to let careless students make fatal mistakes. Not all guild members are rich, at least at the outset. Like many guilds, the Assassins will take in promising foundlings and give them an education on scholarship, largely agreed to be a winning strategy. While noble connections are useful, so are people whose only family is the Guild who got where they are by dint of extreme skill and carefully cultivated professionalism. Of course, given that even lower-priced guild contracts can be in the area of hundreds or even thousands of dollars, if they survive they'll be wealthy soon enough.

On that note, since any non-contract killing would be services provided gratis as well as being dishonourable, Assassins focus their efforts exclusively on their targets (or "clients"). Occasionally they might take out some guards (though bypassing and incapacitation is preferred), but with a few exceptions (that they themselves find distasteful) you don't get much collateral damage. Similarly they don't rob people and have no truck with torture. They consider themselves sportsmen and there is no glory in doing in (or "Inhuming") a poor girl with a limp and a baby working at a mustard factory near the Shades. Not that many people hate random factory workers so much that they'd pay the substantial fee for a Guild contract against them, and even then the contract wouldn't be taken unless the person in question is considered able to defend themselves, either directly and physically or possessing the financial mans to get someone to do that for them. Mostly Assassination is a game by the Rich against the Rich which keeps them from going into an all-out war with each other. Given that it's the right of the nobles in Anhk-Morpork to "Raise the Regiments" (recruit, arm, armor, train and retain forces of soldiers to serve the city) you see can why this is the lesser of two evils. Assassination is, in all respects, significantly cheaper and more socially acceptable than civil war.

As the books progress, the Guild's interest in maintaining the stability of Ankh-Morpork evolves. They cultivate a short, exclusive list of targets that they refuse to take contracts on, with Vetinari and Vimes being the key examples. Assassins are all about the game, and they recognize that killing certain people would be the equivalent of knocking over the game board.  

Despite being mostly occupied with rich people trying to kill each other, Assassins are very clear that killing people is their business and they would not suffer any competition. While low-life thugs killing each other in gang wars or brawls generally fly under their radar, any licensed Thief or Seamstress Guild bouncer who accidentally applied too much force and killed their "client" would be "invited to have a word with an Assassin". Which usually does not involve words, but does involve daggers. And any freelancer actually killing people for money WOULD be made an example of, unless they're good enough to stay under Guild's radar, which is a really high bar (though not impossible one). In such a way Assassins actually prevent more murders than the city Watch does, much to the chagrin of the latter.

The Assassin's Guild mostly serves as a moderately antagonistic force in the book as well as a background for various characters. As mentioned Lord Vetinari and many of his Dark Clerks are alumni of the guild and a few other supporting figures. That said, they generally don't initiate skullduggery in the books on their own, largely because their work is done on other people's behalf. There are a few exceptions, but these go against the grain by being fucking nuts and are often, in the aftermath of their plots, agreed by the rest of the Assassins to have been "a bad sort," their memory relegated to the lectures of professors wishing to instill in their students a good reason not to contemplate things like, for example, killing characters out of folklore or restoring the monarchy using possessed firearms

===The Fools' Guild===
''"Dico, Dico, Dico"'' ("I say, I say, I say")

Perhaps the single most depressing place on the Disc. The Fools' Guild is gravely serious about silliness, reducing jokes and slapstick routines to rote, carefully memorized, and rigidly executed performances. Custard pies must arc through the air at specific angles, rubber chickens must be slapped upside the face and not down, a set allotment of "hee-hees" and "hahs" must be recited at the correct predetermined moments, and under no circumstances is anyone to tell a joke that hasn't been through the Guild approval process. As a result, the Fools' Guild is a collection of terminally unfunny and morose clowns, each with their own signature face-paint pattern (regarded as their real face). It is implied that the guild is more than it seems: hiding under the guise of bad comedy, a small percentage of the Fools go to every court on the Disc, becoming spies that collect intelligence to be sent back to the guildmaster for unknown purposes while projecting the illusion of near-terminal harmlessness. As such, the Guild retains a measure of quiet political power below that of the other major guilds but potent nonetheless.

The guild also teaches miming; however, any mime caught performing in Ankh-Morpork will find themselves sentenced to be cast into a scorpion pit by Lord Vetinari, who detests them, claiming that the world already has "enough men silently trying to escape invisible boxes." Make of this what you will.

===The Seamstresses' Guild=== 
'"'Nil Volvpti Sine Lvcre"'' ("No Pleasure Without Pay") 

A guild of women practicing the second oldest profession. (In Ankh-Morpork, the first profession is implied to have been theft.) A paying patron can enjoy a comfortable night in the arms of one (or more, if they have the funds) of the guild members with a guarantee of not being robbed blind and dumped in an alley in the Shades. Swift, brutal retribution is dealt out to any who skip the bill or mistreat the girls. Additional Guild activities include overseeing the distribution of pornographic material and protecting the legal rights of one Mr. Harris, the proprietor of the Blue Cat Club. It can be pieced together through information available in the books themselves and some of the companion guides that the Guild of Ecdysiasts, Nautchers, Cancanieres and Exponents of Exotic Dance were not willing to admit a gay establishment to their ranks, but the Seamstresses, after some debate, were, on the grounds that money is money, no matter the sexuality of the hands it passes through, and that "unnatural acts are only natural".

The Guild does house one actual seamstress, who seems to have wholly misunderstood the euphemism. She provides quality service for men who, making a similar error, bring hole-riddled socks and other garments that require mending to the brothel.

Although their profession is quite old, the Guild itself only organized officially under Lord Vetinari. Unlike with the Thieves' Guild, which was given guild status as a way to reduce disorganized, hard-to-control crimes and as a quiet replacement to the near universally defrauded Ankh-Morpork tax system, the Seamstresses' Guild had to lobby for recognition for years, finally succeeding when Mad Lord Snapcase was deposed shortly after the beginning of the series. Lord Vetinari was selected as the new Patrician, with no possibility of anyone suspecting that he might have had a hand in, say, the events of the Glorious 25th of May or the deaths of his predecessors. He promptly renamed the Whore Pits to the Street of Negotiable Affection and chartered the Seamstresses' Guild, a move that none but a very small circle would recognize as the completion of thirty years of political planning. While the day-to-day operation and internal structure is more like a trade union than a traditional guild, the Seamstresses still hold significant political sway in the city.

===The Thieves' Guild===
''"Acutus Id Verberat"'' ("Whip it Quick")

Established by Lord Vetinari as a way to regulate crime in Anhk-Morpok. License-carrying thieves are legally able to steal, mug, rob, burgle, and otherwise shake down the populace, to a carefully measured and reasonably applied degree. Victims who play along are well-treated, given a notarized receipt, and a period of grace before another visit. One may exempt themselves from such meetings with proactive "charitous" donations to the Guild - drawing humorous parallels with tax collectors.

Crime dropped swiftly after the creation of the Thieves Guild, mainly due to providing most of the cities gangs and career criminals with a stable income, one that they viciously protect from any unlicensed competitors trying to operate in their turf.

Surprisingly, this is not that far off from history. In short, if the situation is lawless (like how things were in large preindustrial cities) the local gang of thieves running a protection racket can be the best defense against theft. Minor shakedowns every month for a few pennies are easier and in the long term more profitable than robbing people blind and ruining them, especially when you actually catch criminals who were threatening the clients in the protection racket.
===The Beggar's Guild===
''"Moneta svpervacanea magister?" (''"Spare Change Mister")

The Oldest Guild in Ankh Morpork and surprising one of the richest and influential. There are a fair number of Beggars in Ankh Morpork scraping up a few pennies from the kindness of strangers (or at least those who'd figure that it's the best way to send them on their way) where they can and giving a small cut to The Guild, but one of the Guild's principles is to buy as little as possible and acquire things possible by begging for them. So the slow but steady flow of money largely ends up getting invested in things such as Real-Estate. Many people in better off parts Anhk would be shocked to learn who they ultimately end up paying rent to. In turn, anyone who'd kicks panhandlers for fun would find themselves accosted by some grubby but strong, healthy and unsympathetic Guild Enforcers.

But beyond that, there's also the fact that beggars can make good flies on the wall in the busy streets of Anhk Morpork. If you need to know something, the guild can provide you with insights, for something more substantial than a penny good sir.

===The Alchemist's Guild===
"Omnis qvis Corvscat est Or." ("All that Glitters is Gold")

Not one of the most prominent guilds, but one that comes up frequently enough throughout the series. A collection of eccentrics obsessed with trying to find a way to turn lead into gold using various bits of this and that rather than magical means, which turns back the next day. So far, they've had little success on that front over the past few centuries and their experiments do have a nasty tendency to blow up parts of their Guild-Hall. Despite that, they have worked out enough useful chemical concoctions to keep them afloat financially. Among them is "Number One Powder" which is used in fireworks, as well as dyes, paints, alchemical Ivory, chemicals that burn brightly for clacks illumination and other such stuff.

===Ankh Morpork City Watch===
The Police Force of Ankh Morpork and is the subject of several Discworld Books. At it's introduction it was divided into the Day Watch and the Night Watch and it was a joke. An atrophied rump of an institution. Before Vetinari it did not much beyond round up cattle, the less violent of drunks for a night in the cells, guard the gates (IE stand by and wave people through), snatch the occasional unlucky petty crook and (in the case of most officers) extort bribes. Under Vetinari's early reign, it was left to rot away down to a handful of people led by a Rich Idiot and a worn out inebriate named Sam Vimes, at least until one Carrot Ironfounderson showed up and set things in motion to see its rebirth into a proper Law Enforcement Agency. This includes proper training, a sense of professionalism, preventative policing, detective work, community relations, an Igor based health plan, a modern forensics department, and proportionately less Watch brutality and open speciesism than existed pre-integration.

The development of the Watch unfolds over several books, in each of which it grows and expands as an institution. The biggest themes in the book is the idea of law and self control. Before the Watch books, "justice" was a rubber stamp to legitimize the whims of the rich and powerful. If you messed with them or were in their way, they had goons deal with you. When they did something wrong, you looked away and pretended it never happened or (if was someone you knew) it was an accident/misunderstanding, possibly with a few dollars or veiled threats to buy your silence. In contrast, the Watch grows into something which can stand up to the Rich and Powerful. The Law is there and it's for everyone. But as important as making a stand is and catching thieves is, just as important is the self-control not to knock heads about in righteous anger at the drop of a hat or when you're worked up. Commander Sam Vimes is fully aware that all coppers are bastards; he emphasizes the proper control of this part of their nature during the training of new recruits and constantly struggles with himself to be only as much of a bastard as is necessary and legal. A number of those responsible for running the modern Watch were, in one way or another, involved in the Glorious Revolution of the 25th of May thirty years before setting present and know exactly where "I'm a copper so what I do is right" leads.

===Barbarian Heroes, Dark Lords, and Other Relics===
The last vestiges of [[Medieval Stasis]] and/or the pulp fantasy parody that the Disc began as in The Color of Magic/The Light Fantastic. Even at that point, they had been dying out for some time. While they don't have a major impact on the overall plot of the Disc, the story of the people on the edges and the edges themselves like Cohen is important to understand the setting. The story of how the barbarians became important characters instead of throwaway jokes and realized that the world they once lived in was dead is a tragedy worthy of a monumental saga.

All around the Disc, the world is changing. The warriors of the steppe settled down and became kings with governments and tax agencies. The cities grew, and with them so did the rule of law. Scammers and small-pond financial bullying replace Dread Kings and Dark Lords, ancient gnarled forests go to the lumber mills, and new coach roads make the frozen lands up by the Hub empty, save for the last few Heroes and the occasional troll still holding out hope for the ancient family bridge. What were once trackless wastes filled with the promise of adventure are now fenced and divided into farmland. The world is shrinking, moving fast and leaving behind those who carved a swath into the darkness of the great [[Frank Frazetta]] painting of the untamed Disc for civilization to follow behind. This is where the Barbarian Heroes find themselves: obsolete, nearly forgotten, and quickly shrinking in numbers. Some settled down and became innkeepers, or some other such trade as someone who spent a lifetime living by the sword would consider acceptable. Others ended up in city watches across the plains, or working as bodyguards. Most of them died in their prime, off on some adventure, and were sent to the feasting halls of their various afterlives. Some of them, however, got too good at being Heroes. They still followed The Code, a set of fantasy tropes that are treated as rules that bind them to others in the hero business and related trades, they still carried their swords and axes, albeit somewhat stiffly, and they never stopped looking for new worlds to conquer. They were the Silver Horde, and not one of them was younger than seventy.

Cohen the Barbarian, introduced in The Light Fantastic, was a world-renowned fighter, the feature of half the songs and stories of his time. He was also an old, old man, too tough to die but suspicious enough to know he probably should have done. The Silver Horde, a group of barbarians and a former schoolteacher who formulated a plan to topple an emperor and seize the throne of the Agatean Empire, were of a similar age. In the end, their absurd plan paid off: once Teach had led the traditionalist Heroes reluctantly through the back lines to seize control of the palace, they managed to defeat the massed armies of the Agatean noble families through the power of Rincewind getting into trouble at the right time and a lot of stubbornness. During this fight, Cohen and his Horde find out, in asking each other, that they're the only ones left. All the old heroes were retired, working for wages, or had died in battle. Atop the throne in the capital city in Hunghung, Ghengiz Cohen, conqueror of the Agatean Empire, never felt secure in his victory. When Old Vincent, one of the company, died an unheroic death choking on a cucumber, he started thinking hard about why the hell he didn't get the glorious death everyone else did. For that matter, why had any of them lived this long? What was the point? As is common in this sort of situation, Cohen looked to the gods. However, this being the Disc, the Discworld gods being capricious bastards who are immortal only for a given value of immortal, and Cohen being Cohen, this was not to pray for guidance. The gods had had it their way for long enough, and Agatean alchemy provided access to "thunderclay," a possibly semi-magical explosive compound theoretically capable of blowing Dunmanifestin off of Cori Celesti.
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