Editing Hassan (section)

===Crazy Hassan and the Changelings===

They poured out of the door, fleeing from the enraged den of loyalist scum and into a filthy alley filled with the grime and dirt of the city. The rest of the Changelings jumped out of the way as the ogre roared fiercely, grabbed a rusting trash container and smashed it in front of the door. At least that’d stop them getting to them through that route. The motley immediately turned and ran down the alley, fleeing as fast as they possibly could from the seedy club and the Gentry-serving bastards it contained. All they needed to do was get in the car and get the fu—

“Oh come on! What the hell is this crap?!” The summery Hunterheart was the first out of the narrow alley and on to the main street, watching their getaway vehicle get away, speeding down the street away from them with a smashed window and a whooping joy rider contained within. “Now, hang on, there has to be another way out of this mess!” The hot-headed Beast spat on the floor and shot the goblin Brewer a stony glare. He wouldn’t be soothed until they got the hell out of Dodge. He stared around angrily and smacked his crowbar against his palm, finally walking towards a parked SUV.

“Wait a minute; we can’t just steal someone’s car! They need that!” “Yeah, well we need it more! We’re as good as fucking dead if we don’t get out of here right now!” The fiery dogman growled his disapproval at the Elemental, a fucking flower of autumn who was trying to sooth him. The Gargantuan merely stood there and watched passively while the goblin covered his face with his palm and sighed, stepping back. Finally, the Woodblood retreated, a frown appearing on her lips as she watched the canine Changeling raise the crowbar and bring it smashing—
“CRRRAAAZY HASSAN HERE! YOU NEED TRANSPORT? CHEAP CAMEL! GIVE SOME DATES! BARGAIN!" The Hunterheart let out a bark of shock and suddenly stopped, turning to face a nearby garage door as it slammed open and a herd of big furry beasts the colour of sand galloped out, one of them carrying the strangest rider. He was a tall, dark man, probably of Middle Eastern origin, complete with a turban and even wearing a fucking fez on top of it. He flashed a friendly, charming and slightly deranged smile at the four Changelings, revealing a set of pearly white teeth that shone in the light of the street lamps.

“Who the fuck are you?!” Another snarl came from the aggressive dogman as he wrapped both fists around the crowbar, preparing to smash it into the stranger’s skull. However, he couldn’t help but jump yet again as the unhinged Asian bellowed at him cheerfully. “CRRRAAAZY HASSAN! YOU NEED GETAWAY CAR?! HAVE GETAWAY CAMEL! COMES WITH GETAWAY DATES! ONLY SLIGHTLY USED!” “But a car’s faster than a camel – hell, a fucking moped is faster than—“ “NOTHING IS FASTER THAN THE MAJESTIC BEAUTIFUL CAMEL! CAR NEED GAS! MOPED NEED GAS! CAMEL? JUST NEED DATES! TAKE CAMELS! TAKE DATES! ONLY SLIGHTLY USED!”

“What does he mean by used?” The flower woman frowned in concern and the Brewer simply grunted and shrugged. “It’s best if you don’t ask.” They all flinched as the door in the alley smashed against the trash container blocking it. The goblin cleared his throat and spoke up, although he shrank back almost immediately when the grinning head turned to face him. He couldn’t explain why, but that face-splitting smile was far more intimidating than any expression the Hunterheart could ever conjure. He rummaged in his pocket, producing a strange fruit that looked like a ruby red eggplant. “How much do you want for four camels? I’m afraid we don’t have much cash, only some special fruit we got from somewhere a while back and—“
The fruit was plucked out of his hand in a blur. “FRUIT GOOD ENOUGH! I TAKE FRUIT, YOU TAKE CAMELS! YOU TAKE DATES! GETAWAY CAMELS! GETAWAY DATES! ONLY SLIGHTLY USED! SAFE TRAVELS! MAY YOUR CAMELS BE FRESH AND PLENTIFUL!” One of the beasts was given a slap on the arse by the mad merchant before he rode his own beast of burden back into the garage. With an irate groan, the spanked camel charged the motley just as the trash container was forced out of the way and the door in the alley was shoved wide open. The entire herd followed and to stop themselves from being trampled, each of the Changelings had to hold on to a camel for dear life. Except for the ogre – he had to hold on to two. The loyalists could merely watch in disbelief as they watched the dust cloud of hooves and sandy fur retreat down the street.

“So, you managed to assassinate the loyalist leader?” The Hunterheart nodded grimly as he was interrogated by his employer hours after the incident, a delightful Muse of the Spring Court in a living room. “That we did.” “Good. You also stole their cache of Goblin Fruit?” “That we did.” “Excellent! You’ve done a wonderful job. I can’t see a single problem with the execution. Oh, except for one thing.” The dogman winced. “What would that be, ma’am?” With a scowl on her gorgeous face, the Fairest swept open a curtain covering a window, revealing the dozens of camels grazing in her garden. “WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT THIS?!”