Editing Heretical Love (section)

===Thread 14===

You let Mika finish up on the arm, and after one last test, its back in shape and you can feel the weapons suite back online.

The techpriestess is quietly snoozing now, she must have been staying up late working on Rex.

Being a gentleman, you carry her onto a bed and tuck her into it.

With a kiss on her forehead, you turn and leave.

The bike waits for you, now you just have to decide where to take it.

The bike roars as you ramp it out of the exit, gunning the engine hard and catching some air.

Rex barks and chases you, his antenna wagging. What a carefree baneblade…

You activate your plasma gun as you speed toward a tree, and with one quick burst you fell it in a shower of splinters.

It’s a good thing Mika could fix it up, as much as you miss your old fleshy arm, this one is admittedly more fun.

Reaching into your pocket you grab out your communicator and select the frequency. You barely manage to avoid hitting a pile of rocks as you dial.

“M-Max?”

“Sup blue tits.”

“…Max uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu….” It sounds like she’s about to have a mental breakdown.

“Is something wrong?” You bring the bike to a stop.

“It’s my brother, I can’t find him anywhere and he’s not answering his communicator! I’m really worried about him!”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure we will find him.” You try to calm Ailia down.

“…Are you sure?”

“I’m not just sure, I’m space aids positive, now where can I meet you at?”

“Here, I’ll send you my location.”

Your communicator buzzes as it receives the new information.

“You aren’t really….”

“Nah, I’m clean.”

You gun the engine again, following the coordinates the Tau girl gave you.

It’s about half an hour away, so you settle in for the ride, getting comfortable on the bike. You really hope you can find Ailia’s bro, it’s a bit worrisome that she hasn’t found him even after all this time.

With the Crisis suit now visible in the distance, you stow your communicator and speed through the last few minutes. As much fun as it will be to see Ailia again, you know it will be ruined if you don’t find her brother.

A knot forms in your stomach.

He has been missing a long time…

You slow to a stop in front of the suit, Ailia is sitting on the hatch.

Her usually cheerful face is downtrodden, and she looks like she hasn’t slept in days.

“Hey, you alright?” You slide off the bike and give her hanging leg a friendly squeeze.

“I don’t know…” She finally laments, rubbing her eyes tiredly.
“Well, have you picked up any kind of trail?”

“Not much. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the planet.” Ailia sighs and slips off of the hatch, falling rather clumsily to the ground.

While she protests at you demanding she sit down and eat, you don’t give in. After you insist, she finally digs into some chow you stored in the saddlebag of the bike, though you can tell her mind is elsewhere.

Yours is too.

With no leads to go on, doubt begins to form, weighing heavily on you.

“What kind of leads do you have?” You finally ask after she sets the food aside.

“Well, several of them, none of which seem too solid.”
She pulls out a map with hastily scribbled Tau writing all over it, and though you don’t read Tau, you give it a look.

“His last communication was in the Tyranid area to the north. Some kroot thought they saw him way off in the distance headed toward Chaos lines. His tracking signal shows he’s along the beach, but the signal hasn’t moved in days. These are the last three places I haven’t checked.” She gestures around on the map.

“So we should try these out then, I’m sure he’s bound to be at one of them!” You try to fire the Tau girl up, but it doesn’t look like she’s having any of it.

“Alright, as much as I know you are going to hate this…”

“Don’t say it.”

“We’re heading toward the Tyranids.”

“I told you not to say it…” Ailia looks northward, you can tell she’s none too thrilled at the prospect.

“I’m joking, let’s try the beach first.”

You hug her around the middle from behind and give her a squeeze. Her bouncy goods feel nice on your arm, though that wasn’t your reason for doing it.

“What happens if we don’t find him?” She asks as she sinks back into you.

“We will.”

You lift her back up until she’s standing on her own.

“Trust me, if I can somehow survive this fucking place, your bro won’t have any problem.”

Ailia sighs, but then stands up and slaps herself on the face a few times with both hands.

“Alright! He’s got to be at the beach. He IS at the beach!” She pumps her fist and looks fired up.

“That’s more like it, this is the blueberry I remember!”

She turns around and gives you a big smile, looking entirely more energized now.

“You’ve got luck on your side, with you along, we are sure to find him.” She puts her hands on her curvy hips and looks up at her Crisis suit.

Huh?

Your spidey sense is tingling on its own?

“Get down!”

You tackle Ailia to the ground, your face bouncing off of her xenobags as both of you hit the dirt.

*Crack!*

The shot misses, but still only by a hair.

Whoever is shooting at you, they are good.

You were just lucky enough to have your untrained mind powers detect the threat, though you don't know how you did it.

“What the hell was that?!” Ailia asks as you move her over to behind your bike, using it for whatever little cover its worth.

“I can’t be sure, I’ve only heard it once…”

Another shot makes a loud *PING* as it slams into the bike, which thankfully is stout enough to stop it.

“No, now there’s no mistaking it.”

You bite your lip, this isn’t good.

“That’s an Exitus rifle...”

You know it’s only a matter of time now. All the assassin has to do is move around until he can get the angle right and then its bye bye Yagis V and hello Warp.

As much as you like Kaleshi, you want your next meeting with her to be on your terms.

Another shot cracks into the bike, puncturing the engine and severing it as a means of escape.

*Meanwhile…*

Eight curses, his first assignment and he’s already missed his target.

He tracks the rogue guardsman and his xeno associate through the scope as they lay behind the bike, hidden from his fire.

Fuck it, he’s going to have to move.

Eight rises up from his perch, his crosshairs remaining fixed on the bike as he shifts to his right to get a better angle for a kill shot…

You can sense something is up, this might be your one shot to get out of here alive.

“Ailia, we are going to have to do something right now or we are going to get dusted by this assassin.”

The Tau girl nods, she’s no newbie when it comes to combat.

“Alright, take this.”

You hand Ailia hat-chan, she takes it but looks confused.

“Put that on the end of your gun, when I tell you, pop it up over the bike.”

Shit you hope this is going to work, the anti-sniper training you received mentioned fuck all about Vindicares. Would he even fall for something like this?

You ready your lasfinger, hoping the distance wouldn’t be too great for you to make the shot. You were only ever a middle-of-the-pack marksman after all.

Well, here goes nothing.

“Now!”

Eight watches through the scope as the brim of the hat comes up over the bike.

Amateurish.

He doesn’t fire a shot.

Several seconds pass, and Ailia looks over at you confused.

“Shit, guess he isn’t going for it…”

Well, you have to try something.

“As soon as shit goes down, get into your suit as fast as you can…”

You don’t give her time to question you.

“FUS ROH DA!”

You send the bike spinning toward the assassin, at the same time you ready your lasfinger.

Is that him in the distance? You can’t be sure, but you have to take the shot.

You pull up and fire!


Eight drops the rifle and dives for cover as the lasbolt hits his gun.

He curses and draws his sidearm.

Things are not going according to his plan…


“I hit him!?” You yell, as much in excitement as disbelief.

“Nice shot!” Ailia says, before the hatch to her suit closes and the walking gun platform powers up.

You notice the Vindicare running toward you now, his sidearm out.

Poor guy doesn’t stand a chance.

Ailia gets the Crisis suit online, and quickly fires a missile from her pod.

You watch the trail as it arcs toward the assassin, who goes to dive to the ground but doesn’t make it.

The missile impacts behind him, throwing him forward. He tumbles end over end until smacking hard into the ground, where he lays still.

You stick close to the Crisis suit as you and Ailia move forward to check it out.

Standing over the Vindicare now, you notice he’s skinny and short. Not exactly what you had expected to find.

You flip the body over with your foot and, keeping the barrel of your plasma gun pressed to his chest, pull of the mask.

“He’s just a kid…” You look down at the limp body lying in the grass, and can’t help but feel a bit sorry for him.

The assassin stirs slightly, and you toss his weapons aside, Ailia making sure her burst cannon is too close to miss.

You prod the Vindicare with your foot.

“Wake up kid, I’ve got some questions.”

The assassin opens his eyes, looking ready to fight. He notices the Crisis suit baring down on him, and your plasma arm shoved into his chest, and decides against it.

“Like I said, I’ve got some questions and you are going to answer me.”

The kid, no older than fourteen or so, looks around with his hawkish eyes, searching for some way out.

Finally he glares back at you.

“I’ve got nothing to say to a heretic.”

You smile.

“Yeah, I figured as much. Ailia, mind stepping on out here?”

“…Huh?” The booming voice comes from the Crisis suit.

“Don’t worry, he so much as farts and I introduce his heart to plasma.”

After several moments, the hatch opens up and Ailia drops down onto the ground beside you.

“Alright kid, I didn’t want to have to do this but I know torturing it out of you probably wont work.”

You grab Ailia around the middle and pull her closer to you.

“Which is why if you don’t tell me everything I want to know, I’m snapping a picture of you kissing this here Tau and sending it out on the net. Every ship from here to Cadia will see it.” You lie, hopefully convincingly.

The Vindicare swallows hard, looking between you and Ailia. He knows what would happen if you did that, and he doesn’t seem to realize you are bluffing.

“You wouldn’t…” He finally hisses.

“I’ve already gotten freaky with this here space commie, don’t tell me what I wouldn’t do.” You grab one of Ailia’s boobs for effect, giving it a little squeeze.

The Tau girl is blushing hard beside you, but she doesn’t budge.

“What do you want to know…?” The assassin finally relents, looking away.

“Well for starters, why are you trying to put a bullet through my head?”

The kid’s steel gaze locks with your own.

“…You mean you don’t even know?”

“Know what, exactly?” You press.

“The Inquisition has it out for you, you’re the most wanted man in the sector.”

This…

Your body can’t handle this.

You almost lower the plasma gun as your mind reels. The Inquisition is after you? How do they even know about you?
The assassin laughs.

“You don’t know how it happened, do you? The city is rigged up with cameras, they saw you consorting with xenos.” He laughs even harder as your face goes white.

“So what do they know?” You ask, though you can already guess its any of the hundreds of heresies you've committed.

“Hmph, enough to want you dead, which is all I was told.”

You grab the kid by his vest and pick him up until he’s facing you.

“Are they here yet? Are you the only one?”

The assassin laughs and shakes his head, as though in disbelief.

“They don’t need to be here. This planet has already been deemed beyond saving. If I failed my mission here, well…”

He trails off, still shaking his head.

Furious, you grab him by the jaw and force him to look at you.

“Well WHAT?!”

He stops laughing, his eyes now serious and perhaps even gloomy.

“Simple.” He looks up at the sky.

“Exterminatus…”

You can feel the blood draining from your head.

“When?” You ask in barely a whisper.

The assassin shrugs, turning back to look at you.

“Whenever they are ready, I guess.”

“Do you have any idea when that might be?” You grab the assassin on the shoulder.

“Why should I tell you? We’re already both dead.”

“If we are already dead, why so scared of one little picture with a Tau?”

The Vindicare looks to Ailia, then back at you.

“It’s not important.”

Well whatever, you don’t really care about that tidbit of this kid’s life at the moment. The fact that the Inquisition is after you is one thing, that they are going to glass this planet to get you is something entirely different.

“What’s your name, kid?” You ask, letting go of him.

“…Eight.” He finally responds.

“Alright, Eight. Here’s how it’s going to be. I don’t particularly want to die and I’m sure you don’t either. You may not believe me right now and it isn’t really important if you do, but the Emperor himself has sanctioned what I’ve done and getting exterminated right now would kind of dick him over as well.”

The Vindicare looks at you like you are crazy.

“You’re nuts.”

“Yeah, I know. But I’m not lying to you.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

That stops you mid-thought.

“I… I can’t.” You admit.

“Well no shit? So I’m just supposed to go on your word then, am I?”

“Um… Max?” Ailia says, tapping you on the shoulder.

“Just a second…” You brush away her hand.

Eight looks up at you, awestruck.

“Maybe I can convince you dude.” Comes the booming voice from behind you.

You recognize that voice, and whirl around.

“Emprah!”

He smiles and raises a hand to signal silence. You notice it isn’t really him in the flesh, more like some kind of hazy projection of him.

Eight’s mouth is still moving, but he isn’t saying anything, eyes fixated on his god.

“So Eight… I know you’ve had a pretty tough break in life kid, but I’m going to need your help on this one man.” The Emperor says, folding his arms and looking down at the awestruck Vindicare.

“My… My help, Emperor?” He gulps.

“Yeah dude, your help. You see its like this… Max here is my bro, and he’s helping me out with some serious shit that I needed done. It’s a big responsibility dude, lots of stuff he has to deal with. Really tough stuff. Now I’m not quite ready to come back to the forefront yet, so Max here is going to set things up so I can without everyone losing their collective shit. If he dies here, that kind of fucks with my chi, you dig? So bada bing bada boom, you either help him or get out of his way.” The Emperor sums it up with a shrug.

“Uh… Emprah…” You finally ask, pulling his projection aside.

“Couldn’t you uh… Just tell the Inquisition off yourself?”

The Emperor bites his lip and looks away.

“Yeah man… I’m not really ready to deal with those guys yet. They are a serious buzzkill and probably wouldn’t believe me, which is why I need to come back in the flesh before I can talk to them.”

“So… I’m on my own here?” You finally ask, not liking the thought of it.

The Emperor laughs.

“Naw man, I’m not a douche. This guy is going to help you out.”

With a pop, a figure warps into view next to Ailia.

“Shas’O. Ready to kick some ass.”

“Aniki!!!!” Ailia shouts, throwing her arms around the newcomer.

“Hey little sis, what’s going on?” He tussles her hair.

“Oi! This is getting too long! You’d better let me give you a haircut once this is over.” He picks up strands of her hair disapprovingly.

The Tau commander is large, and has to be even outside his armor. He has his helmet off, and his face though kind looking, is battle hardened and bears several scars.

His gaze falls to you, and he pats Ailia on the head before approaching you.

“Your Emperor filled me in on the current situation. In return for taking care of my sister, I’ve agreed to help you out here.”

He holds out his hand, which you clap with your own, grabbing it in a broshake. His right arm is huge, at least twice the size of his left. With the armor on it looks a bit weird, but his right arm is fucking ripped. Dude’s been eating his oats.

“Good to have you. If you’re half as tough as Ailia makes you out to be, you might not even need me.”

The Taubro laughs before slipping on his helmet.

“If you’re half as nuts as I’ve been told, I might not even get a chance to help.”

Ailia slaps her brother on the back.

“Are you sure you’re all right onii-chan? I mean, this is your first time back in the field since the… Incident…”

“I’m fine, I’m SKULLS FOR THE!... fine. See? Nothing wrong.”

“Err… Right…” Ailia says, having pulled her upper body away.

You turn back to the Emperor, who’s still talking to Eight.
“So dude, will you help us out here? I could use an extra hand to help Max out on his mission.”

Eight nods furiously.

“It is my honor, Emperor. On my life, I’ll see him through to the end of it.”

“Alright dude, your in.” The Emperor gives him a handshake, though the assassin can’t feel it he can see it.

“Hey Emprah, how’s Tzeentch?” You ask, glad to be talking to him again.

“Ahh, yeah she’s good man!” He grins.

“Really starting to show, guess I’ve got to be ready to be a dad and all but it’s cool. Chaos gods said they wanted to invite you over for dinner at their place one of these nights man, maybe once this Exterminatus business is over and whatnot.”

“Really? That sounds like… Fun…?” You aren’t sure how you feel about it.

“Yeah man, it will be a blast. Oh hey, Nurgle says he’s got something to give you next time you see him!” The Emperor remembers suddenly, and looks like he’s sizing you up.

“Yeah… Should work…” He mutters.

“So Emprah, how are we going to get up there?” You ask, feeling a bit of dread at the prospect of a surprise gift.

“I mean, I assume they have a ship up there, maybe a fleet even…”

“Hmm…” The Emperor rubs his jaw.

“Well… The Tau have quite a few ships but that would be a big fight… Maybe borrow one from the wolves… hmmm…” He looks deep in thought.

“Oh wait, man I almost forgot.” He laughs as he shakes his head in his hand.

“I can just do this.”

“Boo-woop!”

You, Eight, Ailia, and Kais are suddenly standing on the bridge of the Inquisition flagship.

“By the Emperor… What is this?” An Inquisitor asks, raising an eyebrow.

Several Grey Knights jostle to stand beside him.

“Uhh… Err… Evening gents?” You mutter.

“Showing up for your own execution, how noble.” The Inquisitor laughs.

“Finish him quickly, I have an Exterminatus to attend to.” He starts heading toward an exit.

The Grey Knight terminators raise their weapons, including the Brother-captain in the center.

“Hey guys, I need you to listen up for a minute here.” You start.

The Knights point their weapons at you, they don’t look like they want to talk…

“I’m on a divine mission from the Emperor himself!” You shout, hoping they will listen to you.

They don’t.

You dive out of the way as they open up with their bolters.
Well, so much for that plan.

“Hold fast, brothers.” Eight steps out from cover, raising his hands. Surprisingly, the Knights stop firing, though they don’t take their weapons off of him.

“You know me, we’ve been on this ship together the whole time.”

“What of it? Now you consort with foul xenos and their ilk!” The Brother-captain shouts, gesturing at you and the others.

“And he is here, look!” Eight points to you.

“He isn’t on the planet any longer. Will you simply stand by as Darkhammer wrongly silences another planet?”

The Grey Knights fidget at this, looking between one another.

“I’m not here to fight, I just want to put a stop to all of this.” You add, raising your hands palm out to show that you are unarmed.

“Your orders, Darkhammer?” The Captain asks.

“Inquisitor?” He turns around.

Darkhammer is gone.

“Shit, he’s going to do it!” You shout, breaking into a sprint.
The Knights let you pass through them, but stand firm and block the others from joining you.

“Darkhammer wouldn’t have trouble dispatching one lowly heretic. We will let him decide his fate, but you may not join him.”

The Tau commander nods.

“We aren’t here to fight, we shall let them figure this out.”

You run into the dark lit room, noticing the Inquisitor standing over a control console.

“Stop right there criminal scum!” You shout at him.

With a cackling laugh, Darkhammer turns to face you.

“The little heretic comes to try to stop me, how quaint.”

“I’m not going to let you do this.” You clench your fist menacingly.

“Hmph, as though you could stop me.” He draws out his hammer, which has an inscription on the side that reads “Property of Dark “The sledge” hammer.”

“I can and I will. I have friends down there that don’t even know this is happening, and by the Emprah himself I won’t let them die.”

Darkhammer grins malevolently.

“Well then, let us see who it is that the Emperor truly blesses.”

“Indeed.”

You hold up your hand, revealing your secret weapon.

“Those aren’t…”

“Oh, but they are.”

You crunch down on the leaves, grinning.

You can feel the bear overtaking you, it is a good RAAAARRGHGGHGH!!!

Darkhammer glares at you, reaching into one of his own pockets.

“Then we shall let the leaves decide our fate.”

You roar at the Inquisitor bear, who roars back at you.

You know this isn’t your territory, but you are a fierce and hungry mountain bear and you take what you want.

Rearing up on your hind legs, you bellow a strong and loud roar, you will be the victor among bears this day.

Wasting no time, the Inquisitor bear charges at you, gnashing his yellow teeth and raising a paw ending in nasty black claws.

He gets the first strike in, but you were ready for it and shrug off the blow.

With a grunt you throw him back and strike out with your own claws, knocking him in the head.


“…What exactly am I watching here?” Ailia comments as she stands at the railing.

“I’ll admit, I don’t know.” The Brother-captain shrugs.

They watch as you and Darkhammer circle each other, both of you drooling madly and taking turns slapping the other.

“Is this even a fight? Who’s winning?” Eight scratches the back of his head.


You see an opening and pounce, knocking the other bear to the ground.

He lashes out again with his paws, but you shove them aside as you bear down on him. He is defenseless to stop you as you repeatedly strike him in the head.

Suddenly, both of you stop completely, raising your noses to the air.

Sniffing around, you confirm the scent.

Both of you go bounding off into the forest, heading toward the river.

After all, the river is full of delicious salmon.

Suddenly, your arch enemy.

Ron Burgundy.

Both you and the Inquisitor roar at the newcomer, who is busying himself eating the salmon you came here for.

The ensuing fight continues for seven long years of battle and hardship. You and the Inquisitor bear the brunt of the harsh winters as you continue your fight against Burgundy, who seems nigh unstoppable.

After landing a bear punch that ends the known universe, you finally come to, groggily.

It feels like you’ve been slamming your head into ceremite, and what is this in your mouth? Swedish fish?

“Ugh…” Groans Darkhammer as he sits up, rubbing his temples.

“Fucking bear leaves man.” You groan along with him as you help him to his feet.

“Coffee... I... I need some coffee.” He mumbles.

“Are… are you guys all right now? That was pretty intense…” Ailia asks as she looks you over for injuries.

“Uhh… What exactly did we do?”

“Well…” Ailia looks to the others for help.

“Basically you guys slapped each other’s shit for five minutes before lumbering off into this other room where you attacked a table for about twenty minutes. I think the table actually won.” Eight finishes for her.

“Works for me, care to call it a truce?” You ask Darkhammer, who is busy searching for a mug.

“Yeah, whatever. I’m not sticking around orbiting this planet, I’ve got to go dick over Valeria. This was kind of just a vacation.”

“Huzzah. Victory.” You mumble as Ailia helps you down onto a couch.

You drag her down along with you and rest your head on her massive love pillows.

Your snoring echos through the halls of the great vessel.