Editing Angry Marines (section)

==The relics of the Angry Marines==

'''the looted, looted, looted, Pretty Marines "WARGH MOTHERFUCKER!!!" Banner.'''

A banner which was once owned by the pretty marines, at the time called the "Notice Me Senpai" banner, it provided space warping properties of the same manner used by daemonettes to hide their crab claws, granting all pretty marines around it incredible beauty and two-inch-thick plot armour, as it effectively made all pretty marines within its range main characters in an anime, so how could they die. Unfortunately (for the pretty marines at least) the orks don't give a shit about anyone else's plot armour apart from their own (and yarricks, da greatist an orkiest humie eva!) and proceeded to brutalise the pretty marines with their long, hard shafts/choppas, and took the banner for themselves.

The banner was used for quite some time by ork commandos, who used its powers to make them look absolutely fabulous (or at least good looking enough to a guardsman who hasn't had sexual contact with another human for months) and thereby sneak up on enemy positions. Those they snuck up on could still see the orks, but would be too busy having awkward boners etc to notice, boners which they would die with as the commandos chopped them to pieces. Over time however, the banner began to lose its strength, being replaced more and more by wargh energies, and although it still provided a healthy glow to the orks (5/10 while drunk), it was no longer enough to hypnotise the enemy, resulting in the commandos being curpstomped by a squad of storm troopers, and the banner was then taken by the inquisition.

Thankfully, the inquisitor in possession of the banner was well travelled and cunning enough to know that xenos tech should not be dismissed out of hand (do the, how do you say it? Funky monkey) and so started experimenting on the banner, to find out how it could be both orky and pretty at the same time. However, the inquisitor made a grave mistake of being within one hundred light years of the Angry Marines during the two years of the completion of the Codex Angry Marines, and thus became one of the many inquisitors who "WAS BEATEN OVER THE FUCKING HEAD BY THE LITERAL FUCKING BOOK!!!" And thus, finally, the banner fell into the hands of the Angry Marines, who used it (during their two year "book tour") for their own amusement, as anyone within its range would start talking orky (DIS FUKIN BANNER IZ DA FLASHIEZT!!! WE SHODA KRUMPED DAT INQUISTOR GIT FOR IT BLOODY AGES AGO LADZ!!!).

Over time however, like every other piece of influence before it, the orky powers around the banner started to diminish, to be replaced by "RAGE MOTHERFUCKER!!!" to the point that the Angry Marines started carrying their "FUCKIN FLASHY BANNER!!!" into battle, to great effect, as it carried Pretty, Wargh and Angry energies within it, making everyone around it "DA ANGRIEST, DA ORKIEST AND DA PRETTIEST SONS O FUCKIN BITCHES IN DA FUCKIN GALAXY!!!! WARGH MOTHER FUCKERS!!!"

'''The Codex Angry Marines'''

While most codices were written or printed by hand or machine, the codex angry marines, was forged (although it wouldn't be surprising if the codices of the iron hands or the salamanders are forged as well). Made from a slap of steel adamantium alloy which had been pissed on for seven days and seven nights and the pages and spine were carved from the block by a team of Angry Marine Mindfuckers, using nothing but profanity, and the occasional bolter round. The crude simulacrum of a book was then brought before the Angry Marine chapter master, Temperus Maximus, for he had been ordered by the inquisition, the adeptus ministorium and terra, the high lords and, worst of all, the ultramarines, to make the Angry Marines codex compliant.

Maximus admired the slab of metal before him, it would be would be a fitting vessel for his rules to his battle brothers, and a giant middle finger to everyone else, as they never said whose codex the Angry Marines had to abide by. Flicking/snapping open the book with a quick curse which could still be heard in the cargo bays the chapter master glared at the metal page, melting words into it through sheer, undiluted contempt, drops of alloy dripping from the book to sizzle on the floor. Finally, his work done, Maximus leashed in his rage and closed the book, pausing only to read the rapidly cooling words, which said;

"JUST HIT THE FUCKERS!!!"

Opening the doors to his chambers carrying the book, Maximus found a riot (one of the technical terms for a gathering of Angry Marines, another being an arse kicking) of silent Angry Marines outside. "SO WHAT DOES IT SAY?!!!" Shouted one with unaccustomed politeness and reverence, while the others waited for the chapter masters response. There was the pause as Maximus considered, only to get angry with himself for needing to pause, he raised the book high above his head, and brought it crashing down on the questioning marines armoured brow, sending him crashing through five floors to land in a wrathful heap. Then, fixing those amassed before him with a steely gaze which left a few temporarily blind, Temperus Maximus gave his response, in a bellow which could be heard back on terra, "YOU CUNTS SHOULD ALREADY KNOW WHATS WRITTEN IN THE FUCKING BOOK YOU COCKSUCKING, WEABOO, DEAMON FONDLING FAGGOTS!!!". The assembled marines didn't hesitate in their response, even the marine who had been smashed through the floor 

"ALWAYS ANGRY, ALL THE TIME!!! ALWAYS ANGRY ALL THE MOTHER FUCKING TIME!!! SUCK ON IT YOU ULTRAMARINE BASTARDS!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!"

The resulting fight lasted several years and resulted in a death toll in the billions, but the Angry Marines didn't care, and they carried the codex Angry Marines with them every cockshot of the way, as a reminder that they didn't need some ultrasmurf faggot to tell them who they are and what to do, but mostly to  "BEAT SOME FUCKING INQUISITORS WITH THE LITERAL FUCKING BOOK!!!" It has gotten to the point that the book itself hurls insults at the enemy, and the odd bolter shell, and maybe the odd lightning bolt, but that sort of thing stops once you apply a fresh purity seal.

There is a worry however that, as the book contains at least twenty blank pages,  that the book may write in itself, an idea which has everyone, except the Angry Marines, absolutely shitting their collective pants. What might a book given semi sentience by an entire chapter’s rage write in itself? The main theory is that the book will write some brand-new curses (and by that, curses unknown to the Angry Marines, the galactic guardians of the offensive word), curses which will probably be specifically insulting to ultramarines, or perhaps the 40k universes equivalent of the word Belgium. Either way, any new words must remain unknown to the universe at large to prevent galactic level recreations of the  "Raiders of the lost ark" final scene, thankfully though, the book is protected/owned by the FUCKING ANGRY MARINES, meaning that a force the size of every black crusade combined would be needed to rest it from their adamantium grip.

'''The Head of Ward'''

A relic from before the unification wars, the shrunken head of the fifth (sixth) chaos god. The head sits impaled on a wooden stick and has a large cock and balls drawn on its forehead in permanent marker, from the remains of the heads neck droops a thick clump of fur, described by ancient texted as the "Crown of the neckbeards", which is said to have been awarded to the fifth/sixth chaos god for fucking over an ancient table top game. The head has been in the possession of a number of different parties such as (but not limited to) the ultramarines (who built a shrine to it and masturbated to it), nurgle (as even he found it vile to gaze upon), the eldar (who used its space and time warping aura to be complete dicks) and the pretty marines (who put makeup on it). The last owner was slaanesh (who used it as a fleshlight) until it was swept up by the currents of the warp into the battle barge litany of litany’s litany, where the Angry Marines attempted to destroy it, only to find it indestructible.

Ever since that day the Angry Marines have been trying to get rid of the disgusting head, but even something as terrifying as Matt Wards head, still has its uses, mostly by warping space and time around those chapters and species he had once fucked over.

Disconcerting, the head also whispers heretical ideas in the dark of night, despite how much constructive criticism/rage the Angry Marines throw at it, things like "the Ultramarines are the only true space marines" and "why don't you guys team up with the necrons" or, worst of all "the baby carriers weren't a bad idea, it's not me who designed the fucking things". The whispers can be heard in a hundred-mile radius (even in the vacuum of space) and resulted in many sleepless nights (WHO FUCKING NEEDS SLEEP!!!) for the nearby Angry Marines until someone came up with the bright idea of keeping the head next to the Codex Angry marines, an arrangement which results in the head crying softly, and while this crying can still be heard a hundred miles around, the moans of one of the imperiums greatest foes is a lullaby to everyone's ears.

'''The combi-combi flamer'''

Before he died, Master of the Armory Enfurus Ragman (MAY HE KICK BALLS AND SCREAM FOR FUCKING ETERNITY!!!) had been working on improving the standard combi flamer, a weapon much admired/used excessively while screaming at the enemy, due to the large amounts of Dakka it could produce. Ragman desired to increased said amounts of Dakka (and maybe while he was at it add some blades or big steel rods to make it choppy as well), but was struggling to do so (like many who had come before him before they were killed by the mechanicus for crimes against the omnisiah).

It was on a normal, rage filled night, Ragman was in the armoury holding a combi flamer and a roll of duct tape. He looked at the flamer, and then to the duct tape, then to the flamer, then back again, and that, is when genius struck. He took the flamer, and wrapped it in several rolls of duct tape and fired it at the nearest object (a servitor as it happens). The gun (although it was now definitely a better gun because it was covered in duct tape) was no more dakkery than before (even if it had annihilated the servitor), and so Ragman went on a "MOTHERFUCKING, AND TOTALLY JUSTIFIED RAMAGE!!!" Through the armoury. Later he realised he folly, and this time duct taped two combi flamers together, and thus, the Combi-Combi Flamer was born.

Unfortunately, Ragman died before achieving the ultimate goal of making the flamer also choppy (duct taping a chainsword to it) or before he could make more combi-combi flamers, otherwise the Angry Marines would have eradicated all heresy a long time ago.

'''The Doom Guy gun'''

A "gift" (left behind) weapon given to the Angry Marines by the honorary Angry Marine, Doom Guy, when he appeared on the battle barge maximum fuck while it was passing through the warp. The gun (after being analysed by angry tech priests) was found to have the highest density of Dakka per kilogram, but it only worked when the wielder was moving at top speed, and it fired even faster when firing at daemons.

The Doom Guy gun was once brought to battle against the orks, who, upon seeing the gun and recognising its power, immediately surrendered to the Angry Marines (producing a level of confusion in the Angry Marines which created such a strong backlash of confusion in the warp that it prevented tzeench from pulling off a "Just as planned" large enough from destroying terra). When asked afterwards why they had surrender, the ork war boss replied "So much Dakka. What can one do against such flashy bitz." [[Blood Ravens|Of course, the Angry Marines now have to keep it locked up to protect it from certain Red and Black Kleptomaniacs...]]

'''The Storm Shield Surfboard'''

The anger child between a squad of Angry Terminators and an Angry Tech Priest, while the Angry Marines were fighting deamons of Slannesh on an ice world. At the best of times terminators are slow and purposeful, put them on a planet which is covered in a metre and a half of snow, and they might as well make them stationary. Angry Terminators are not calm beings at the best of times, but dump them in a snow drift and have deamonettes dance around and taunt them, then you get to exploding levels of RAGE (many battle brothers were lost to such deviant tactics, MAY THEY KICK BALLS AND RAGE FOR FUCKING ETERNITY"). Such rage would also have a dramatic effect on the terminator armour, as marines would claw their way out in the nude to "FUCKING FIST THOSE DEAMONETTE SLUTS!!! HOW DO YOU LIKE BEING FUCKED BY A CHAINSWORD!!!" (Ow do it harder your making me so god damn horny BLAM). Terminator armour is rare at the best of times, even more so in a chapter which uses them to walk into lascannon fire for "SHITS AND GIGGLES MOTHERFUCKER!!!", and such damage makes the Angry Tech Priests so angry that they can be used to melt glaciers.

[[File:Storm Shield Surfboard.png|thumb|right|'' Call us today and you can get the first three seasons of Scooby Doo included free of charge! '']]

So an "alliance" was formed based on the desire to a. Get to the enemy faster and b. To not ruin terminator armour while doing so, between a five man terminator squad, and the tech priest Jordy Motherfucker, who was originally from the water covered agri world of Spectoris. After much arguing and fighting (the equivilent of a polite hello followed by tea and biscuits for the Angry Marines) Jordy suggested the use of one of the terminators storm shields as a sled to slide over the ice slopes, in imitation of a water based pastime from his home world. "But how do we make it travel uphill or over long distances?" Pondered Motherfucker out loud (being an Angry Techpriest, Jordy only spoke in lower case most of the time). "PUT SOME FUCKING ROCKETS OR MELTAS ON THE FUCKING BACK YOU IDIOT!!! YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUCKING CLEVER ONE AROUND HERE!!!" Replied one of the Angry Terminators, who proceeded to take his storm shield and hammer some rockets onto the back of his power hammer. Then, taking a run up, said terminator jumped onto his storm shield and powered up the rockets.

When they found the terminator ten miles away (by following the trail of decapiated, mutilated and fisted deamonettes) at the bottom up an icy hole all he would say was "I'M FUCKING DOING THAT AGAIN!!!" as he kept trying to remount his now drained storm shield. Since then, the Storm Shield Surfboard has been fitted with improved fuel tanks, more reliable/non-exploding rockets, an Angry levitation system (borrowed) from the Angry Repulsor tank, a front edge force field for added decapitation, cup holders and a tv which plays constant runs of an old earth show called "Scooby Doo", a show which is believed to be the very same "FUCKING QUALITY CARTOONS!!!" That Reclusiarch Mofo has been watching for all this time. Nobody has yet been able to create more Storm Shield Surfboards, as the board is more owned by a single marine who refuses to let anyone else use/play with it, meaning that for someone else to use it, say a tech priest, he will either have to wait for the current "owner" to die, become incapacitated in some way, or have the board confiscated by a mob of Angry Tech Priests or a high ranking chapter member.

'''Roll of Emergency Purity Seals'''

One of the roles of a chief Reclusiarch is to ensure that the chapter remains full of nice, good, emperor bothering space marines, and not spikey, tentacle creatures wearing power armour. Chief Reclusiarch Mofo doesn't really give a shit as "ANY PUSSY WHO WOULD JOIN CHAOS IS A WORLD EATER WANNABE!!! NOT A FUCKING ANGRY MARINE!!! NOW PISS OFF IM WATCHING SOME FUCKING QUALITY CARTOONS!!!"

However, despite the fact that Angry Marines are as likely to fall to chaos as a grot is likely to defeat a dreadnaught, the Chief Reclusiarch services are still required, mostly in the blessing of random shit the marines have found to make sure that the inquisitors don't get any exterminartus based ideas. Even this minor task is too much for Mofo's non-existent patience, so he took a roll of standard, two ply imperial toilet paper, screamed at it "YOU ARE BLESSED YOU INANEMATE PIECE OF SHIT!!!" And drew a small angry face on the first sheet.

This roll of emergency purity seals/blessed bog roll was then slammed into the face of the first Angry Marine demanding his bolter or power wrench to be blessed and followed by a bellow which was felt by a nearby battle barge "BLESS IT YOURSELF YOU CUNT WEASEL!!!" Despite the rolls unassuming appearance, it does provide significant protection to anything a sheet is slapped onto, in fact, each sheet shouts "YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED, NOW STOP FUCKING MOANING!!!" After being used, but what's most remarkable is that the roll hasn't run out, being destroyed after many millennia of use and still has the same angry face on the first sheet.

In the direst of situations it can even be used to wipe your arse, and marines who have done so say that "MY SHIT HOLE HAS NEVER FELT SO CLEAN!!! IT WAS LIKE WIPING MY ARSE WITH A FIELD FULL OF BUNNIES!!!" Mofo refuses to create more rolls for chapter wide, even imperium wide, use, arguing that (after he had shoved fagbasher up the arse of the inquisitor stupid enough to ask) "ANY CUNT WHO NEEDS EXTRA PROTECTION FROM CHAOS IS A FUCKING TYRANID LOVING WHORE!!! NOW PISS OFF, IM STILL FUCKING WATCHING SOME QUALITY CARTOONS!!!"

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