Editing Angry Marines (section)

==Three way clusterfuck==

In the 42nd millenium, there was only war. At least as far as the people living on Genericus III were concerned the world had fallen prey first to a wave of Chaos Cults uprisings amazingly well coordinated, and let by Space Marines clad all in blue and silver, with weird green-adorned pauldrons. The Loyalist forces were being pushed back by the sheer savagery and fanaticism of the damned slaves of the Ruinous Powers and the might of the Heretic Astartes when the situation took a turn for the worse: a pack of Blood Axes Kommandos made landfall on Genericus III. Nobody knew why the Greenskins had come. Maybe the battle had resonnated through their Waaaaaagh field, or maybe it had just been a coincidence. But there are no such things as coincidence in the grim and dark future of the 42nd Millenium…

[[File:Sergeant Asshole McCuntsface art.jpeg|thumb|left|'' THAT’S A FUCKING LOVELY HEAD YOU HAVE THERE!!! IT WOULD BE A CUNTING SHAME IF SOMEONE MURDER STABBED IT!!!'']]

The sudden arrival of the Orks had thrown the carefully laid plans of the Alpha Legion commander, Duns Scottus. Fuming at the loss of certain victory, he began to plan anew, including the new arrivals in his strategy of misdirection, backstabbing and infiltration (although that last one might prove difficult to achieve with Xenos, unless he painted some of his men green and implanted big fangs in their mouths…).
Meanwhile, Boss Bestasnik was having the time of his life. He and his boys had come to this planet of humies out of sheer boredom and had found it already teeming with fun. Apparently, some of the pointy beakies were busy sneakin’ around already, so he had decided to join in on the fun and show them how to sneak properly!

The locals of Genericus III, those loyal to the Imperium that had survived, could only hole up and defend what few strongholds they still held, all the while praying to the God-Emperor for help. Their prayers were answered when a yellow and red battle barge appeared over the war-torn planet. It broadcast a message saying ‘NOTHING TO SEE HERE!!! WE ARE DEFINITLY NOT THERE TO KICK SOME MOTHERFUCKING SNEAKY CUNTSY ASS !!!’ then shot down multiple drop pods that streaked towards the surface at a surprisingly (at least for those used to seeing such deployments) high speed.

From those emerged Astartes taller than those the natives had been used to seeing over the millenia, clad in power armor matching in color the battle barge, and whose helmets were fashioned after skulls. They started to march forward, ready to blast the ennemies of the Imperium to pieces. But their stance was weird… It looked as if they were… tiptoeing?

From the other side of the planet, Duns Scottus had heard the announcement and seen the drop pods falling. His anger at having to change his plans once more because of yet-other new arrivals faded when he was told that the followers of Emperor were tiptoeing around in plain sight, garbed in garish colours, and yelling at the top of their overpowered vox-broadcasters that they were ‘SNEAKING YOU CUNTS!!! NOTHING TO SEE HERE, WE’RE JUST SNEAKING BEHIND YOU TO KICK YOU CUNTSY ASS OFF-PLANET !!!’ He just could not believe that anyone would be stupid enough to broadcast to everyone on the planet that they were sneaking. It had to be a trap. He started ignoring every report of those loud Marines, dismissing them as a distraction, while he started looking for the real loyalist threat that had to be somewhere else.

Bestasnik also could not believe it when told about the weird Marines, but not for the same reason: ‘Dos beakies are doin’ it wrong, dey are all yellow so dey should be ‘splodin’, not sneakin’. It’s purple dat’s da sneakiest!’ So dumbfounded was he by that illogical turn of event that he completly forgot to keep attacking the spiky Beakies or the squishy humies.

Angry Reiver Sergeant Asshole McCuntsface was also having the time of his life. His infiltration technique, honed on multiple battlefields and brawls with those little shits that called themselves his brothers (or rather called themselves ‘FUCKING ANGRY MARINES YOU DUMB CUNT OF A GIRLYMAN’S TOY !!!’), was working perfectly. Neither the DUMB AS SHIT GREENSKINS or THOSE BLUE BELLIED WORM CUNTS OF THE WEAKASS BULLSHIT LEGION had noticed his men’s approach. They were now perfectly placed to launch a SNEAK ATTACK ON THOSE FUCKERS!!!

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Two days later, Duns Scottus turned in amazement to his second-in-command and banner bearer, Swiffer.

‘- What in the name of Chaos just happened? How did our forces get crushed so easily? And I can’t even find a trace of the Greenskins…

- My lord, it’s those weird Marines. The yellow and red ones. They have been picking out our forces and the Orks since their arrivals by tearing out their balls and hitting them with it, before making a gigantic ass statue out of the corpse so that they could, and I quote here ‘KICK THE COLLECTIVE ASS OF THE FUCKERS WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE BETTER AT SNEAKING THAN US’. And then they started taking turns kicking it until it exploded. And now they’re on their way here’.

- What? We need to escape now ! Tell the men to withdraw from this planet immediatly!

-There are no more ships for us to use, Lord. The Loyalists destroyed them all yelling ‘SNEAK ATTACK!!! WE’RE SNEAK ATTACKING THOSE SHIPS YOU FUCKERS!!!’

-We’ll just use the locals’ ships then! I will not let one of the heads of the Hydra be crushed, even by Loyalists that are better at infiltration than us!

- You really don’t get it, do you? They destroyed ''all'' the ships. Even the local ones. And they are not better at sneaking. They litteraly yelled that they were sneaking, but you refused to believe it. It’s really time for me to be going. I’ve stayed here to long, and my ‘Brothers’ could catch up to me at any time.

-Swiffer, what are you saying? And why are you wearing the green of the Angels? And where did that giant sword come from? Swiffer, where are you? ''Swiffeeeeeerr!!''’

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When the battle barge 'Whisper of Secrets' of the Dark Angels Space Marines Chapter entered the Genericus system following the detection of the ''totally-not-fallen-Angel'' known as Cypher, they were quite surprised to find the Angry Marines Battle barge ‘FUCKYOURSHIT’ already in orbit above Genericus III. When transmissions from the planet finally reached them, they were even more astonished at learning their 'cousins' had completely eradicated the Alpha Legion and Blood Axe forces on the planet. More concerning, however, was the fact that they had also anihilated every single ship on the planet, be they civilian or military, Orks, Traitors or Loyalists.

Wary at the thought that their prey might still be on the planet, waiting to be found by anyone, especially the angry nutters, Brother-Captain Berith of the 5th Company decided to hail the 'FUCKYOURSHIT' to demand they be handed over control of the campaign in the name of the hunt for Traitor Astartes, something they were far better equiped to do. No response was sent by the battle barge. Although it started to leave the orbit of Genericus III. Berith was initially relieved before being informed that it was now heading straight for the 'Whisper of Secrets'. Every attempt to hail the rapidly approaching battle barge was met with silence, until it came to a sudden (and violent) halt in boarding range. A single message was sent: ‘OH NO YOU DON’T YOU COCKSUCKING KILLSTEALING FUCKTARDS !!!’

The after-action report of the campaign of Genericus III, submitted by the local governor to the Estate Imperium, stated that the Angry Marines forces of the battle barge 'FUCKYOURSHIT' had completly anihilated the Traitor Forces, as well as the vile Xenos that had assaulted the world. It also mentionned that the entire crew of the Dark Angels battle barge 'Whisper of Secrets' had been unable to sit for two weeks straight after the official handover of power between the two Astartes Chapter. When asked by the Estate about the circumstances of the handover, the Unforgiven refused to comment.

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