Editing Angry Marines (section)

==The Making of an Angry Marine==

Shitforbrains stared at the console before him, his eyes not believing what he was seeing on the screen. Glancing around the room where the final initiation was to take place he saw similar looks of shock and welling anger on the other initiates while two Angry Chaplains watched over the scene before them, their furious gazes burning into the foreheads of the soon to be Angry Marines before them. “RIGHT YOU SACKS OF ORK CRAP!!!” bellowed one of the Chaplains “I DON’T NEED TO FUCKING TELL YOU WHAT TO DO!!! WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN HERE WHEN I COULD BE FUCKING PUNCHING SOMETHING INSTEAD!!!” “BECAUSE YOUR A TAU WEEABOO PRICK WHO HAS TO MENTOR SHITS LIKE THESE!!!” shouted the other Chaplain at the first, swinging a pre-emptive punch, more as something to do than out of any real anger.

The initiates ignored the two fighting Chaplain’s, they were all still too preoccupied by the screens before each of them. “Why did it have to be this?!” whispered one of the initiates, his hands visibly trembling over the ancient computers keypad while another initiate began to shed terrified and furious tears, an act which would normally have had the other initiates beating him over the head, but right now they all felt like crying, as on the screen before them, glowing on the screens which seemed to burn into their retinas was the green and white start up text of Battle toads. Shitforbrains thought back over his past five years he had been training and completing the Angry Marine trials to become a full battle brother, he had spent his time as an Angry Ganger, getting slowly furious while aiming down a sniper scope that he just wanted to swing like a bat into the nearest enemy, he’d shoved a grenade down a Homogaunt’s throat (after wrestling the terrified and retreating xeno to the ground), he’d shouted down a howling banshee and only suffered minor deafness as a result, he’d even survived for a couple of seconds under the withering glare of Commissar Fuklaw (the longest any initiate had ever done before catching fire), but this, this was the final, and most difficult, trial he and his fellow initiates had to complete.

Their task, was to complete Battletoads, the hardest and most infuriating game in existence.

Glancing over his shoulder, trying to delay the inevitable, Shitforbrains spotted the three Angry Tech Priests and Apothecary who were there to take away any initiate who completely lost his mind while playing the game so that he could be turned into a Kill-a-Tor, a proposition which Shitforbrains was seriously considering. He could just quit now, it would mean that he’d have to scrub out toilets and work in the battle barge MAXIMIUM FUCKS library for two years, but he’d be able to take the test again after those two years and he’d only receive a minor beating and cursing for doing so, the final initiation test still scared full battle brothers after all. “Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck!” screamed Shitforbrains in his head “You’re not fucking quitting now you pussy Tau weeaboo, get your dick out of your ass and getting fucking playing this stupid game!” And at that, he grasped the computers controls, and began to play.

Four hours later and Shitforbrains was still only on the second level, the tech priests had seen fit to set the game to its highest possible difficulty, and had fitted the computer with the most unresponsive of keyboards, the keyboard alone had been enough to make one initiate flee the room screaming curse words, while another had fallen to the ground foaming at the mouth, swear words bubbling up through the foam as the tech priests carried him from the room. But Shitforbrains and the other initiates gave all this only passing thought and contemplation, they were too busy being furious at the games before them, to the point that the rage filling the room had become a palpable smell, like a mix of burnt pizza and junk mail. The two Chaplains had also stopped fighting by this point, and had started roaming the room, looming over the hunched shoulders of initiates and saying things like “YOU FUCKING IDIOT YOUR MEANT TO HIT THE FUCKER NOT ENGAGE IN LIGHT FOREPLAY!!!” and “GAME OVER YOU BASTARD!!! GAME FUCKING OVER!!!” as the gamers collided with enemies or sent their character tumbling to their deaths.

Eight hours later and Shitforbrains had started getting twitchy, even with some of his gene seed implanted the long hours starring at the tiny screen before him was making his eyes hurt and he really needed a shit at this point, the rumours about the initiates being fed laxatives in their pre-test meals seemed to be true. Despite all this however, he’d managed to progress through the game to the point that he felt that he could (if given enough time) complete it, he’d got the hand of the clumsy keyboard and had noticed patterns in the ancient software’s programming, he could do this, it may take him days but he could do it, and it would be fucking wor… At this thought, a tiny avatar of an Angry Marine with a crude troll face wandered onto the display, grasped Shitforbrains character by the throat and began to repeatedly kick him in the balls, tiny pixels of blood erupting from the avatar until, in a violent and bloody coughing fit, he coughed up his own testicles. At this, the screen flashed “GAME OVER COCKSUCKER!!!” and went back to the start screen.

For a full minute, Shitforbrains simply starred at the screen, his mouth slightly open, while, out of the corner of his eye, the two Angry Chaplains watched him. What was he supposed to do? The game was impossible, the cunts had modified it to be even more impossible than it already was. At the thought, Shitforbrains slowly raised his gaze to the two Chaplains. “Those cunts,” he thought “they had done this, they were doing this for their own entertainment, they were fUCKing  pLAYing WITh Him! WeLL NO FUCKing MoRE!! NO FUCKING MORE!!!” And at that moment, as finally his thoughts played out in his mind in caps locks, Shitforbrains realised that that had been the test all along, but that thought was but a fleeting one, drowned out by his scream of “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!” as he ripped the monitor before him off its adamantium housing, and (using his chair as a springboard) leapt into the air towards the two Chaplains to smash the accursed computer onto their skulls.

At the sudden release of rage the remaining seven initiates mental damns also broke, and they too began screaming and cursing in caps lock and exclamation marks at maximum setting, ripping up their tables to swing around at any moving target, even themselves, anything to express the hours of pent up fury which had grown to explosive levels inside themselves. As if by predetermined signal (in reality its more  that battle brothers will hang around final initiations because they know that they’re always a good source of fights) all the doors to the test room exploded open and a tide of Angry Marines raged inwards, wielding any weapon they could carry, until the small space was a swell of swearing and fighting marines.

Several hours later, the eight initiates were dragged, bruised, broken and swearing before the Chapter Master, Temperus Maximus, who simply glared down at the initiates, the Codex Angry Marines clasped under one giant, armoured arm. “YOU!!!” bellowed Maximus at Shitforbrains as he struggled to his feet on one broken leg, news about him being the first initiate to snap must have travelled “WHAT IS YOUR NAME YOU PIECE OF SHIT?!!!” Grimacing at the pain in his leg, the young initiate bellowed his response “SHITFORBRAINS YOU SHIT HEAD!!! YOU’D BETTER NOT BE THE CUNT WHO PROGRAMMED THAT GAME OTHERWISE I’LL SHOVE A CARNIFEX DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT!!!” The Chapter Master gave the smallest of smiles at this before responding “SHUT UP YOU WHINNING PRICK!!! NOW ALL OF YOU HAVE SHOWN THAT YOU’RE A BUNCH OF ANGRY BASTARDS, AND AS THE CHAPTER MASTER I…” pausing to think for a moment before continuing “AH FUCK IT YOUR ANGRY MARINES NOW!!! WELCOME TO THE BRAWL!!!” and with snarling, broken grins on their faces, Shitforbrains and the other new Angry Marines replied in kind.
“ALWAYS ANGRY!!! ALL THE TIME!!!”

And at that, the eight initiates charged the Chapter Master, who welcomed the fight with open arms, and as Shitforbrains saw the Codex Angry Marines being swung towards him, in the moments before he was knocked unconscious, he realised that he was finally happy, for the first time in his life. “ITS FUCKING GOOD TO BE AN ANGRY MARINE!!!” he thought before the bliss of unconsciousness took him.

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Thought for the day: Happiness is a... '''THUMP''' STOP TALKING AND JUST HIT THE FUCKERS!!!

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