Editing Heretical Love (section)

===Thread 21===

“Hey, Max.”

You grumble, turning over at the sudden intrusion.

“Get up.” Something hard pokes you in the side.

With no small amount of bitching, griping, and complaining, you wake up. Ailia is standing in front of you, fitted in an apron, a spatula in hand.

“You’re going to miss breakfast.” She smiles.

Yawning, you apologize for being such a hassle as you rise. Something smells quite delicious and despite still being so exhausted, you wouldn’t be able to sleep with that fragrance in the air anyways.

“I have to know, what is that smell?” You ask, scratching at your chest hair. A move that reminds you a surprising amount of your dad when he would rise off the couch from a nap.

“Food.”

“Really? I thought it was tyranids.”

“Don’t joke about… Them.” Ailia retorts with a frown, before turning back to her work.

When you try to peer over her shoulder to see what it is, she pushes you back with the spatula and a giggle.

“No, wait until it’s ready.”

“Bah, fine.” You take a seat at the modest round table. The little crab things swimming around in the tank look somehow familiar, though you can’t quite place why. When you ask Ailia about them, she just shrugs and tells you Kais caught them in a nearby river and thought they would add a bit of life to her room.

A plate finally clinks down in front of you, and mouth drooling you gaze down and see…

“You have got to be squidding me…”

A whole squid, pan fried. Why.

“What? I thought this was supposed to be some kind of human delicacy…” Ailia murmurs, looking quite embarrassed.

“Have you ever, ah… Cooked, before?” You ask after several tense seconds of staring at the still quite raw sea food.

“Well, not anything like this.” Ailia admits.

Did a tentacle just twitch? Or are you seeing things?

Ailia doesn’t seem to notice your trepidation at eating this thing. In fact, she presses close, eyes fixated on you. You know she wants you to eat that. You know she’ll be downright devastated if you don’t.

With no small amount of panic, you pick up a two pronged tau fork and slowly cut off a tentacle. By the Emprah they are wiggly...

The tau girl leans in close to watch you eat as you raise it to your mouth.

"Welp..." You take a bite.

Chew once.

Hey, it surprisingly isn't that bad. You were expecting some kind of horrible tentacle throat rape, but instead you've found delicious seafood.

"Well?" Ailia asks, looking fairly anxious.

"Its actually pretty good." You reach back out for more. After several minutes, you've had about all of it you can eat though.

With a satisfied groan, you push yourself back from the table. Another long yawn, and you walk back over to the bed and flop down.

"You can't go back to sleep, Kais is waiting for you, said its important." Ailia grabs your arm, attempting to pull you back up. You act like you have already passed out, and she can barely get you to budge.

"Come oooonnnnnn! Kais will be mad at me if I get you there late!" She grunts, putting her full force behind a tug, which is still not enough to drag you off the sheets.

You let it go on for a good solid minute or two before relenting. Still yawning, you let her help you into the armor. Before leaving the humble dwelling, you snatch up your axe from its resting place against a chair.

"Where are we headed, exactly?" You mumble, rubbing tiredly at your eyes.

"To go see Kais, duh."

Unable to argue with such sound logic, you just let her lead you along. After a few minutes of walking, she stops you outside a rather large and imposing tent.

"Now remember, be professional." She brushes some unseen dust off of your armor, looks you over, and must like what she sees because she pushes you through the tent opening.

Professional...

You step inside, and immediately wish you hadn't.

Several dozen pairs of eyes are already staring at you, and several dozen more turn to you as the Ethereals give you quite ponderous looks.

"Is this the one, Shas'O?" A regal looking Ethereal asks, tilting his head to get a better look at you. Now that you look back at him, you realize none of the Ethereals are actually here, each represented by a hologram.

"It is, the chosen of their Emperor." Kais nods, absent his armor.

"Well I wouldn't go that far..." You add modestly.

"So the Imperium wishes for peace at last, does it?" Another Ethereal asks from the back of the group, standing so his hologram stands above the others.

"The Emprah is tired of this drawn out conflict, he wants it to be done with." You nod.

"And why, pray tell Guardsma... Asta... Human. Why would the Tau believe such an offer?"

"I... Ah... Hmm..." To tell the truth, you hadn't expected any kind of difficulty. Though now that you think about it, such tricks aren't beneath some of the less by-the-book troops. Though you doubt the codex astartes supports such actions.

"And your chaos gods, do they truly strive for peace? How are we to believe such a thing, when all they have ever brought to the Tau is war?" The grey prune asks.

"Again, everyone is tired of fighting. Peace for the greater good. Isn't that your saying? What good is more war at this point?" You are fully awake now, and quite alert.

Many Ethereals look around to each other, and you hear faint whispering. Some just sit in silence, stroking their chins as they stare at you. It must seem quite bizarre to them, and when you think about how you look, it really is.

"And how do we know that Chaos is truly going to stick to their word? Many a time we've been met with simple deception in our past dealings."

"The Chaos gods want the fighting to end as well, there are more prosperous goals we can all accomplish united. I've stood in their presence and I'm alive to talk about it today, that should tell you enough."

The doubtful Ethereal scowls, sitting back in his chair, his eyes still fixated on you. Still, you aren't about to back down.

"If the Tau follow you on this plan, if we do commit forces to see it finalized, what then?" The grey asks, interlacing his fingers and staring at you over them.

"Then the galaxy experience something it hasn't in far too long, friend. Peace."

Several Ethereals smile and nod at your words, as though they too have such a vision of the future.

"Peace does not last, human, your own kind seems quite at fault for that as well. Ho..." He's about to continue berating you, until the oldest, saggiest, wrinkliest motherfucker in the room stands up.

"Quite enough, I should think. Still, human, we are going to require much more significant evidence than this..."

---

Awe.

No other word can describe what they all feel, standing in awe as they watch.

A lifeless corpse, that is all that had sat there just a few hours prior. The decaying husk of a god.

Now, they watched as life seemed to be pouring into the One seated upon the golden throne. His gaunt face rejuvinated into it's stoic, statuesque visage. Fingers long frozen in place now twitching, moving almost ponderously over the arms of the throne.

---

"So let us get this straight, you are just going to leave us here?" The psycher asks, adjusting his hat, "You are going to abandon us, with just fifty thousand flavors of snow cone?"

"This guy." The Emperor grins, poking the loudmouth in the rips, and the psycher smiles back.

"But seriously, man, you aren't going to hit one last wave with us?" Another complains, and the Emperor holds up his hands to placate them all.

"Sorry dudes, but you know I've got to take care of this. Don't worry, I can visit again to hit that righteous surf."

The Emperor turns, finally, to those he trusts to keep the place well.

"You guys watch after it, remember to clean the ice machines and all that jazz."

The grey beards nod in unison, they aren't exactly the most vocal bunch...

---

"Ahhhhh... Wow that was a good rest, but man am I sore!"

The ever expanding crowd almost all have a heart attack as the voice booms throughout the chamber.

---

The Ethereal jumbles his words to a stuttered halt as something golden and glowing appears by your side.

"Sorry I'm late to the party, Max. You have no idea how hard it was to get away, I guess I'd forgotten everyone would be kinda freaking out and whatnot."

You sigh in relief, and turn to shake your head and grin as the Emperor stands up inside the room.

"Y-you aren't perhaps..." Starts an Ethereal.

"I am, in the flesh, whole once more." The Emperor booms, projecting his power through voice.

"And it is not lightly so, for the reason I've returned is that which this man explained to you. For too long have we spilled blood in naught but a fool's struggle. Though I cannot speak for others, I can guarantee you this. The Imperium of Man will hold fast to its word, peace."

The Ethereals don't seem to know quite what to say. Their faces masks of shock, stunned silence, some blink in disbelief.

"Well, it would be beneath one such as you to lie." The oldest looking Ethereal nods.

"So what you're saying is...?" You ask, tilting your head.

"For the greater good of all!" The Ethereal states with a flourish, "We shall stand as brothers."

Outside the tent, Kais grabs you by the shoulders and gives you a friendly shake, his broad smile alone projecting his glee.

"Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant, you two!" He pumps his massive arm in victory.

"Eh, sometimes you just have to make shit real, man." The Emperor shrugs.

"Hey, are you sticking around?" You ask him, and the Emperor laughs but shakes his head.

"Man, if only I could. No, Terra is freaking the big one so I need to go tell everybody to chill the fuck out because I've got this."

"Ah. Well, I'm not too surprised, really." You shrug. It makes sense, you can only imagine the pandemonium when he first opened his eyes. The collective shit everyone lost when he stood up.

"Yup, so rock on I'll catch ya later." He salutes with his index finger, before teleporting away.

"He picked a good time." You chuckle.

"Hey, so what now Kais?"

"Well, I've got to prepare. With any luck, we'll recieve heavy reinforcements and there is much planning to be done. Ailia is going to have to help me out, and you're welcome to stick around but it will probably be dull work." The Shas'O shrugs.

"...How boring?"

"Hours of dataslate work, drawing up plans, getting logistics in order..."

"Sorry, but I'll pass." You shake your head. You would just get in the way, probably.

Suddenly, in a blaze of golden light, the Emperor's torso appears in front of you. He holds out a stone tablet with some kind of bizarre scrawl on it. The letters glow blue, your head feels light, and there is chanting in your mind. As swiftly as he appeared, so is he gone.

"Well that was... Strange..." You mutter. Kais looks as though he was about to say something, before thinking better of it.

"Hey Max." The Emperor pops his head out from behind you, and you almost trip over yourself.

"Err... Yeah, whats up man?"

"Go tell any forces we have on the planet what's what, I've got to make some calls and shit dude."

"Sure thing."

"Righteous." He pops back into the warp-hole.

Well, that gives you something to do today, at least. Probably better than sitting around here annoying Ailia when she's trying to work. Though that doesn't sound bad, either.

"Hey blueberry, I've got to go. I'm on a mission, from god."

Ailia turns around from her talk with several members of the Earth caste, and runs over to you.

"Whaaa??? Already?! You've barely been around, though!"

"Yeah, I know. Sorry but its kind of important."

Ailia lets out a very comical sigh, putting her hands on her hips. She leans in and frowns.

"Fine, but you'd better make it up to me the next time."

"Will do." With that, and a quick kiss, you head for your bike.

You feel a bit of anticipation at the sight. You haven't even had a chance to really try it out yet, and can't wait to put it through its paces. Mika does good work, and surely that applies to the... Oh fuck.

The bike.

You grimace, remembering Eight punching holes through it with his Exitus rifle.

"Oh Emprah..." You groan. Grey knight or not, there is going to be one pissed of Canoness waiting for you.

Yeah, you can't return without the bike. Which is going to be a problem.

Stopping alongside it, you wince.

Yep, quite a problem.

In fact, you don't even know how you can move it. The engine is shot to hell, chunks and metal bits lying around in the grass...

"Damn, this thing isn't moving any time soon..." You sigh, sitting down and thinking.

"YEAH, IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME WAY TO GET IT RUNNING WITHOUT A WORKING ENGINE."

"Indee... Hey!" You whip around, and notice Doomrider standing behind you, his flaming skull a devilish grin. He's got his ring on and a shirt over his armor that reads "19-0".

"Doomrider! Whats good man!?" You engage the broshake, which he activates.

"I WAS JUST CHECKING IN, WANTED TO TELL YOU TZEENTCH'S KID IS DOING WELL!" He holds up a photo and you look at the small child. The baby boy is screaming, sparks jetting out from the lights in the background, Tzeentch looking happy but exhausted and the Emperor smiling proudly.

"That's... I'm happy for them."

"SAME. YOU WANT A HAND WITH THIS BIKE?" He jerks his thumb over at it.

"Yes, please. I think I know someone who can help fix it up..."

***

"Naw, Karen's out wif da boss. Dey's lootin fa moar dakka." The Mekboy shrugs.

In truth, you are just happy they didn't try to kill you when you first arrived. It had seemed like they might, until one Nob recognized you and "krumped dose gits good" to get them to not fill you with bullets.

"Oh... Well I'll have to find her soon. That said, can you give me a hand with this?" You motion over toward the wrecked SoB bike. Doomrider disappeared after parking it, late for a "Pizza orgy."

"Yea, we can git it roight fixed up fer ya."

"Great!"

***

"Oh... Oh no..." You groan.

The Mekboy and his boyz grin as they park it in front of you. Oh Terra, you should have just told her it was destroyed...

In place of it's bolters, which were never broken in the first place, now rests a kustom shoota and a choppa strapped to a pole. Where once were Imperial symbols are now hastily stamped out Ork ones. The exhaust pipes extend two feet above the bike itself, but not as tall as the giant Ork banner on the back of it.

The engine doesn't even appear repaired. At all. Hell, you can still see the bullet holes that bore right through the engine bloc. Still, somehow the bike is chortling along, spewing black smog from it's pipes.

To top it all off though, the icing on the cake, they've given it a hasty red paint job.

"We fixed it roight up fer ya, loike I said! Roight beutifal she iz!" The Mekboy folds his arms, nodding his head proudly at his work, maybe even tearing up a bit.

"Why why, oh why..." The Orkz don't seem to have heard you.

"D'attle be twe... Twunty... Gah! Lotsa teef, plus tip, 'humie!"

"I uhh... Don't have any?"

The Mekboy frowns, as do his boyz.

"Well den, make sure ya git some an gib em to me lata."

"Right, will do..."

The Orkz hook the bike to the back of yours with some chains. After securing it upright with some training wheels which appear to be made from standard Imperial diner plates, they assure you it's ready to go.

Grimacing at the prospect of showing up with it, you gun your own engine and start the journey to the Soul Sista's headquarters.

The Sororitas are outside the building when you arrive, doing some afternoon practice or something. All eyes turn to you as you ride up, present in tow.

Oh yeah, this is going to go great. You can just tell by the murderous look on the Canoness's face that she absolutely digs her pimped ride. Even Lycheria looks a bit put off, but perhaps more concerned for your safety than anything else.

You finally slow to a stop in front of the group, parking the "Deff Kounty Gitz Kustom Choppah" in front of it's owner, and shutting off your own engine.

Turning to them, you say...

"Problem, Canoness?" You ask, taking a sip out of an Ultramarines mug you gifted from a Blood Ravens rhino along the way. Doing your absolute best to remain entirely calm, as though nothing was out of the ordinary.

The Canoness, apparently, cannot speak.

Her face is a bright purple, and she almost appears to be choking as she splutters and gnashes her teeth. She's got a death-grip on the handle of her flamer, and another on her sword.

"Yo gurl, I heard you like fightin Orkz. So we put Orkz on your bike so you can waagh when you waagh."

That appears to have been the final straw.

"THIS IS WORSE THAN HERESY, THIS IS.... THIS IS SOME KIND OF... I DON'T EVEN KNOW!" She thrusts her sword, which you block with your axe.

"Why you mad, tho?" You ask.

Apparently this triggers some kind of seething fury, because you narrowly avoid another swing, and she is now foaming at the mouth.

"Enough!" You finally shout, using the power of your mind to knock her back slightly, "I'm on a mission from the Emprah."

"Pah!" She spits, "Even if you are some kind of Blood Raven... Grey knight... Commis... To hell with it! To even joke about such a thing is heresy!"

A burst from your own flamer overpowers hers, canceling it out as the jets collide and saving you from a fiery demise.

"Quit playin."

Another flamer battle, and you remain alive.

"You quit playin!"

"GRAHHHH!!!! Why won't you just die like a good little heretic!?"

"Fus Roh Dah!!!!" You send her flying back into her sisters, who catch her.

"I told you, I'm not a heretic. The Emperor has awoken, and sent me here, personally, to inform you of something."

"Hah! As though that were even remotely possible." The Canoness snorts.

Lycheria frowns, her brow furrowing.

"Now that I think about it, I did see some kind of golden pauldron save you the first time we met." She says quietly.

"Exactly, and now I've come here to tell you this. The wars over, Emps is teaming up with the big bad four and any other xeno willing to join us. Malal is on a rampage and needs to be stopped. Are you bad enough bitches to serve the Emperor?"

The Canoness stands back up, seething.

"Even if that were true, you don't have any proof."

"Sure I do." You grin, and hand her the photo with the Emperor's new kid. She pauses, blinks one long blink, and faints.

---
But not before hitting her flamer one last time. You weren't expecting that, and without having any kind of defense, you are incinerated. You can feel your flesh charring and melting, turning black as you howl in agony.

Slapping at the flames, doing your best to try to save yourself, you keep stumbling backwards. No matter how many times you roll, the flames won't go out.

Something gives you a shove, and you are falling...

Right into the water.

"Nani, mai hunny?" Ra'alman sings, stirring up the water in front of your face.

"H-help... Me...." You groan, feeling the life fading from you.

"Well, I guess it can't be helped. I'll just have to use THAT." The fish exclaims exasperatedly.

With one gulp, she swallows you.

Shouting out in agony, you can feel her rough mouth already pulling off the charred outer layer of your skin. She laughs at your pain, as though it bolsters her.

"Don't worry, Max, I'll be sure to take good care of you. You can live forever, down in here <3"

Tentacles lurch out, and begin ripping off your charred flesh as another rips off your codpiece.

"First, we just have to replace this icky body of yours with something better." She sings.

The pain and pleasure mix into some kind of sickly sweet sensation. You've already blasted one gooey mess onto the pile of eggs in front of you, and the tentacles seem to want another. Still more emerge, and start dripping some kind of bioluminescence green gel onto you.

"Don't worry, soon you'll be just like me!" Ra'alman's giggle echos throughout the depths of the vast ocean.
---

Lycheria looks completely shocked by the photo, though her reaction isn't QUITE as extreme as the Canoness's. She sits there, shaking her head of silvery hair in disbelief.

"I mean... How?!" She finally says, doing her best Jags-fan impersonation.

"Don't look at me, I have no idea how god on god snu snu works." You shrug.

"Eww... Not that, I mean how did the Emperor and... HER get together, even?"

"I don't know, actually. Some kind of unrequited love obsession from her, a party in the warp with plenty of booze, shit just happens I guess?"

Lycheria sets the photo down, and rests her head on the table as she closes her eyes.

"I don't even want to know..." She groans.

"And then the big guy just puts his..."

"MAX!!!!"

"Into her eye of..."

"OVER THE LINE, STOP!!!!"

"...Sorry."

Lycheria sighs, before getting up and grabbing out a tea set. She gets busy making some up while you watch.

"So this is all for real? We're actually going to be teaming up w-with... Chaos?" She looks as though that whole phrase nearly made her vomit.

"Hey now, they really aren't terrible. To be honest, Nurgle is kind of a bro, Tzeentch is at least polite, Khorne is a great coach and has a soft spot. Slaanesh grabbed my... Well you don't need to hear about that."

You take a sip of the tea out of the Ultramarines mug as Lycheria looks at you, her gaze betraying the fact that she does indeed want you to finish that sentence. Tough for her, it isn't something you want to remember.

She sighs after a long moment that tells her you are not going to continue that story. Resting her forehead on the table, she closes her eyes as though trying to sleep.

"I want you to pinch me, because I'm clearly stuck inside some kind of terrible, terrible nightmare." She groans.

"Sorry, but its no nightmare. Besides, I really don't think you'll find them too bad to be honest. Most of them are crazy, but in sort of a good way." You shrug.

Lycheria rotates her head to give you a good long stare, and you rest your own head down on the table.

"But now who am I supposed to fry?" She complains.

"Huh? Well I'm betting Malal still has some kind of legion of his own, so probably those guys."

"Oh, right. Well, that's something, at least." She sighs, closing her eyes. You'd forgotten just how cute she is.

"Yeah well, we don't have to worry about that quite yet, so lets do something fun." You grin.

"What did you have in mind?" She asks, looking as though she's about to go to sleep.

***

With a pained groan, you peel your eyes open, wincing at the bright morning sky.

"O-oww..." Lycheria mumbles as she sits up next to you, her eyes clamped shut as she rubs a bump on her head.

"Where are we?" You look around with squinted eyes. Wherever you wound up, you certainly aren't in SoB territory anymore.

The Ork bike is next to you, so you use it to help you stand up and then lean on it for support.

"Oh, I'm still drunk, I think..." You sigh, quite annoyed at that.

"So what, that isn't important. What I want to know is, why am I naked and covered in marinara? Your junk is, too." She notices.

You blink, look down, take in the sight, look back up, and blink again.

"So it is." You confirm.

"Hey uh, Max. Where are we, exactly?" She asks, looking around.

You scan the surroundings as well, and it all looks quite foreign to you. Though you may be drunk, you don't think you've been here before. Probably.

"I don't know, but lets get cleaned up before we figure that out. My junk smells like garlic." You pick up your discarded codpiece and set out to find some source of water.

A nearby stream serves well in cleaning yourself up, which you do by falling face-first into it.

"Completely intentional." You inform Lycheria, who looks dubious about that.

She jumps in as well, and despite your half-drunken morning stupor, you must be leering too hard because she splashes you playfully.

"Your antics have only served to jiggle your "sisters" even further, I am aroused." You tell her in a robotic tone.

"Get dressed." She says despite laughing.

The two of you now clothed again, its probably high time to head back. Though that will be a problem, as you don't know which way back is.

"Oh wait, I'll just check my communicatus device, it can show me the whey."

You whip out the gadget...

You grin, an evil idea having somehow breached the surface of the vodka-lake that is your current mind. Something tells you its a decidedly BAD idea, but vodka say "IT IS BEST IDEA, OF GLORIOUS SOVIET COMRADE! YOU NOT LIKE VODKA IDEA? PERHAPS YOU MIX WITH SOME JUICE AND MAKE AMERICA SHIT DRINK, PERHAPS YOU NOT MAN ENOUGH FOR VODKA STRAIGHT?"

"I'm man enough." You frown.

"Huh?" Lycheria inquires, an eyebrow raised.

"Quiet you sexy woman, I'm werkin on sumfing."

"Cool, I'm going to go back to sleep. Wake me up when you find out where we are, or something fried and greasy, preferably both."

"DIAL ROBOT OF CRAZY, FAGGOT DO IT!"

"SHHH, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. God you're an annoying inner monologue."

You finally get the number punched in, having picked it up from some paper that wound up in your pocket at your last meeting with Tonya.

"Muhahahahaha, Gentleman, behold!"

"Quiet, you, its ringing." You frown at the voices.

"H-hello?" A quiet voice with a slightly robotic melody.

"Hey baby, what are you wearing?"

"OH?! Mmmm, Lolita black lace, I'll be the little girl just for you."

"I AM WEARING GLORIOUS HAT OF MOTHERLAND, MANY MEDALS AND MUCH THANKS TO COMRADE LENIN! WE MUST MAKE MANY BABY TO SERVE IN ARMY TO DEFEAT WESTERN IMPERIALIST DOGS!" You slather in your best accent, which is pretty bad.

"We shall show those sons of whores what true power is, let us disembark upon the path of glory for the motherland!" Tonya shouts back, much to your surprise.

"Comrade Anushka, I am needing more of the vodka drink."

"I will procure some for you, that we may win this war."

A click and the line goes dead.

What the fuck just happened? Did she just play along with you? Hmm, you check the conversation log and notice it went on for exactly 60 seconds. Strange.

Ah well, you are feeling adventurous. With a giddy grin you dial in Helena's number. Sure it may be like 4:45 am on her planet, but fuck her she used to make you get up to take out the trash.

"...Max?" Helena yawns.

"Comrade sister, have you started making baby for motherland?"

"I... What?"

"Is all quiet on western front? Is pig dog NATO cowering like bitch?"

"...You've been drinking, haven't you."

"I sing for you, great song of motherland, to awaken fighting spirit."

"Yeah, yeah you're drunk." She manages, but you barely hear it as you belt out lines of gibberish to the tune of the soviet anthem.

"Max, enough! What the fuck was with that letter, what the fuck were you even talking about?"

"I cannot talk now, comrade sister, I am on blessed mission from most divine Emperor."

Helena screams in frustration, and you can tell she's quite annoyed with you at the moment.

"Are you angered, comrade?"

Another torrent of very select words and your ear piece whines in protest. She might even have Esh rivaled in that regard.

"Enough with the accent, just tell me what the fuck is going on already!"

By the time you've finished your drunken recollection of events, a good hour has passed. Lycheria is snoozing with her mouth open, your hat over her eyes to block the sun. Helena is oddly silent.

"Wow, you've really gotten yourself into some shit, eh?"

"Yeah, you know me. If there aren't guns, constant fear of death, and several pairs of tits its no party I'm attending."

Helena sighs, and leaves her tent.

"Yeah, you haven't changed at all." She groans.

"Did you honestly expect I would?"

"No. The whole of the Imperium would change before you would, and apparently that is actually happening soooo..."

"Meh. How have you been, still slobbing Sarah's big knockers every night? Ask her if she wants another round from me, wont you."

"Ask her yourself! And no, I haven't been, well, not as much anyways."

You sit up at these words, if she's not lezzing out all day err dae with Sarah, something is WRONG.

"What did you do? Or who? Whats his, hers, its name? ...You aren't fucking Slaanesh are you? Because I totally called dibs on that first."

"Wha...?! Gross... I've been, ah... Seeing someone."

This is relevant to your interests.

"Whats her name?"

"Frederick."

"Ah, I see. Though I always took you for the butch of the pair, not the other way around."

"Frederick is a MAN, asshole..."

"Whatever you have to tell yourself I guess?"

"Fuck you, jerk." Helena retorts.

"Anyways, I've got to go. I have a hot sister of battle jumping up and down in panic, waving and screaming at me."

"..."

"I think she wants my co..."

"Call me when you sober up!" Helena hangs up abruptly, but you've already started pressing buttons.

Ringing...

"...Hello?"

“I demand you to examine my plasma cannon and see that it is fully repaired… also I need you to run a system scan in my computer mainframe.”

You hang up quickly. Who the fuck did you just dial?

Ah well, you head over to see why Lycheria is jumping around pointing off into the distan...

Oh god it's Abbadon.

"Get on the bike, get on the biikkkkeeee!!!!" Lycheria howls at you, and you clumsily sprint over to her.

"Where the fuck did he come from?" You ask, watching the Chaos warmaster closing in on a bike of his own.

"I don't know! Just gun it!"

You turn the starter knob and...

Nothing.

"FUCK!" You try it again, still nothing.

"Start ya git or I'll krump ya gud!" You yell, slamming your bolt pistol down into the bike's dash.

With a furious rumble, it actually turns over!

"go Go GO GOOOOOOO!!!!!" Lycheria smacks her fist into your back.

You wrench the handle back as had and as fast as you can. The bike explodes into speed.

"Dats da goodun fah dis race boss!" A gretchin pops out of the front wheelwell with a wrench, cackling as he climbs up and points at a red button.

"Sod off ya git, any Nob knows dat!" You toss him off of the bike into the stream and press the button.

With a scream, the engine is injected with pure fightan juice, and what you thought was fast is now redefined. The bike is clocking at such a breakneck speed you can barely hang on, let alone control it.

Despite this, Abbadon is still hot on your heels.

"How the fuck...?! Get the fuck out of here you ass!" You shout back at him, winging the empty bottle of vodka. It smacks him in the face and he lets out a pained yell, but it doesn't deter him.

"Press it again, press it again!" Lycheria yells as Abbadon moves even closer, his front wheel nearly at the back of your own. He's started firing his front bolters, and you have to swerve out of the way to avoid their raking fire.

Telling caution to take two steps back and fuck his own face, you spam the red button as fast and as hard as you can.

Again the engine is injected, and again it puts on the speed. Only this time, you keep the button held down. You don't know if it's Orky construction can keep going without exploding, but if you let up you are going to get killed.

Abbadon's tires seem to be leaking some kind of black haze, and you don't have to be a genius, though you totally are, to figure out Malal has something to do with it.

The engine is whining and sputtering, but it's keeping its speed. Can it hold out, though? Abbadon is falling behind, but you don't have enough of a lead yet. You are going to have to do something to get out of this mess.

You jam the brakes and skid the bike to a stop, as hard as you can.

"Max, what are you doing!?"

"HAhahaha, giving up so easily mortal dog? Huh, whats that? You want me to make you feel good with my hand? Well, alright."

"I'll make you feel good!"
Abbadon strokes Max's Inquisitor!

Max takes 50 damage!

"I'll make you enjoy my hand."
Abbadon's hand clamps tightly!

Max takes 65 damage!

"Hah! At your limit already?! Fine then, cum in my hand!"
Abbadon's fist moves fast!

Max takes 85 damage!

"I-I'm cumminnggg!!!!"

*Splurt splurt*

"Hahaha, I'll make you my sex slave now!"

"N-no! You cant! Not theeerrreeee!!!!!!"

Ilias: "Did you enjoy being made to cum by the warmaster? Honestly, such a pathetic hero to give in to something like that! He's too strong to take in a frontal engagement, use your psychic powers to give you the edge. Go now, brave Max, and defeat that daemon for me!"

"Od Ah Viing!!!"

Your words of power echo across the desolate landscape, rippling across the nearby ocean as waves across the surface.

A furious, echoing screech resounds throughout the galaxy. Men are awakened in their homes, babies scream, worlds quake.

The great void dragon, already awoken by you earlier, now summoned to your aid.

A massive gash opens in the earth between you and Abbadon, and the warmaster is forced to skid to a stop, and ultimately abandon his bike as it goes sailing off the edge.

Its work done, the void dragon screams once again, before returning to it's home within Mars.

"What the fuck just happened?" Lycheria asks.

"I don't know, but I've got a massive erection."

You gun the waaghbike again, and build up some speed. Surely Abbadon can't just run after you, but its probably best to be safe and just get as far away as you can.

Lycheria clings to you as you ride, though the armor-on-armor kind of ruins the experience.

"Which way?" You call back to her, and Lycheria looks around for any recognizable landmark.

"There!" She shouts, pointing at a jagged mountain in the distance.

"I know the HQ is east of that, so just head toward the mountain and we'll figure the rest out from there!"

"Got it." You crank up the speed again, bumping and skidding across the difficult terrain. Finally you hit a road and can really pick up the pace.

The Ork bike does its job pretty well, you have to admit. Especially considering it shouldn't actually run.