Editing Angry Marines (section)

==The Tale of Shitfucker the Mildly Disgruntled==

Shitfucker the Mildly Disgruntled was not a happy man. Of course, he was an angry marine so he was never actually happy but he was angrier than ever right at that moment. “WHY WON’T THIS MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF GUILLIMAN ASS WORSHIPING CUNT-TRASH FUCKING WORK!!!?” he pondered quietly to himself. This was because the angry marines were rapidly approaching the [[dakka]] limit. They were at the point where they physically couldn’t strap more weapons onto other weapons anymore, despite their general attitude that “PHYSICS IS FOR THOSE [[Mechanicus|TOASTER FUCKERS]]”. This was giving the [[techmarines]], especially Master of the Armoury Mightelypissedoff the Third, quite the headache as they were under increasing pressure from the other angry marines to “FIX A FUCKING FLAMER TO IT YOU CUNT WAZZOCK”. This had resulted in an increased number going to the apothecaries complaining of the illness commonly called “REPEATED BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA TO THE BALLS WITH A FUCKING SPANNER”. In order to try and remedy this, Shitfucker started work on a secret project. For years he slaved away in complete silence (silence, that is, for an angry marine. Anyone else would have heard something along the lines of “WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT SCREW GO!!!!? I SWEAR TO THE [[Emperor of Mankind|BIG FUCKER ON A GOLDEN CHAIR]] THAT IF ONE OF THOSE [[Chaos Gods|NAMBY-PAMBY GHOST BITCHES]] TOOK IT I’LL COME INTO THE WARP MYSELF AND SEE HOW THEY LIKE HAVING A TITAN’S POWER FOOT SHOVED UP THEIR ASS!!!” (as with most things, angry marines have a warped sense of volume).
After a millennia, and many test subjects being told “BUCKLE UP CHUCKLE-FUCKS”, his work was done. Shitfucker emerged from his workshop and made his way towards where the chapter master lived. Of course, being stuck in a workshop for a thousand years, many of the newer angry marines didn’t recognise him and so he responded to the many calls of “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU YOU BALD HEADED CUNT!!!?” with a level and reasoned explanation “AND THE REPEATED INTRODUCTION OF THEIR FACE TO MY RIGHT FOOT AND THEN MY LEFT FOOT”. Barging into the command room (A very polite and reverential entrance for an angry marine), Shitfucker held up a power bat. It turned out that Shitfucker had added so much dakka that he had gone right past infinity and ended up with a melee weapon. Temperus Maximus, chapter master of the angry marines and probably the angriest cunt alive or dead, was so impressed that he picked it up and then smashed Shitfucker over the head with it “BECAUSE THE COCKGOBBLING LITTLE GIT INTERRUPTED THE DAILY MY LITTLE PONY VIEWING SESSION”. This blow shattered Shitfucker’s helmet which revealed the terrible cost that developing this weapon had wrought upon him. For when you experiment with dakka, dakka also experiments with you. Shitfucker had become an [[ork]]. The first marine to point this out then proceeded to find out that tens of meters of adamantium and void shielding do little to stop oneself when thrown towards a wall at a significant fraction of the speed of light by a very angry fucker. It was then decided that Shitfucker was indeed angry enough that his minor issue of becoming a xenos could be ignored. Ever since, Shitfucker the Mildly Disgruntled has been absolutely bloody livid alongside the rest of the chapter and all marines have been forbidden to break his denial of the fact that he is an ork “ON PAIN OF FINDING OUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A POWER CHAIR IS INSERTED INTO THE CRANIAL CAVITY THROUGH THE FACE”.

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Thought for the day: Most problems can be solved with reason, logic, and the repetitive application of hard objects into soft body parts

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