Editing Vampire (section)

===Twilight===
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Possibly the most notorious example of the "ruination" of vampires in contemporary media can be credited to ''Twilight'', whose vamps are less like undead fiends and more like [[What|mysterious pretty-boys, who sparkle in the sunlight rather than burning to death]].

Now to be fair, some of the hate Twilight gets is unwarranted, as the sexual aspect of Vampires goes back centuries. The idea of vampires being totally amiable chaps whom it's completely safe to hang around might not be anywhere near as old, but it's far from original to Twilight as well. Even the idea of vampires subsisting on nonhuman blood goes back rather far, since fucking everyone's thought to ask that at one point or another. Twilight did many things wrong, but the only one that lies with its actual depiction of Vampirism is the memetic Sunlight Sparkling.

''Twilight'' was a 4-part book series, authored by overly horny Mormon woman Stephanie Meyer, which was marketed at tween girls - completely unremarkable, until you consider that the first book alone had an initial print run of 75,000 copies and that the movies are internationally successful.

To make an unnecessarily long story short, a woman named Bella gets saved from a car crash by Edward, a mysterious pretty boy who [[Edgy|looks all emo and shit.]] After half a book of plodding romantic crap, we learn that he's a vampire (as though the sunken eyes, avoidance of sunlight and pale skin weren't a massive tipoff). But it's okay -- he and his family are [[Mary Sue|vegetarian vampires, they don't drink human blood.]] Oh, and sunlight doesn't kill them, it makes them [[Bullshit|sparkle like Tinkerbell]] on a six-coffee bender. Oh, and he and his family all have superpowers as if they were the vampire Justice League. 
 
Things become even more retarded when her Native American best friend is revealed to be a werewolf, and the least convincing love triangle of all time ensues, inasmuch as it is explicitly stated over the next two books that she'll choose Edward. Meanwhile, various other shit involving the not-Catholic vampire Illuminati among other things happens, most of which is glossed over or covered in the most hamfisted way ever.

This is itself combined with said Mary Sue insisting on being turned into a vampire, only to be told they need to get married for some reason. Stupid, yes. But if you view it as a metaphor for sex and keep in mind that the author is a devout Mormon, it makes a lot more sense - insofar as [[What|a vampire abstinence porno Meyer could get off to without angering Jesus]] could ''make'' sense. Incidentally, said Mormonism is also why we get such peculiar euphemisms as "Holy crow" in the books. No, really.

The last book of the series can be summed up as follows:

''"[[Grimdark|I'm gonna die a horrible death during childbirth, and my kid's gonna look like a god-forsaken hellspawn all because I fucked a vampire.]] Oh wait, hold the phone-- [[Derp|it's ok, he's going to turn me into a vampire too, and mystical vampire magic will heal my spine so I can frolic through the forest in heels and a cocktail dress]], while my werewolf ex-boyfriend [[/d/|tries to fuck my baby hellspawn daughter.]]"''

[[Tl;dr]] Stupid biatch can't decide for 4 episodes if she's a necrophile or a zoophile, and can't close her mouth as well. End of story.

On top of all of this are the accusations of encouraging toxic relationships, domestic violence, racism, and stalking, and catering to the ''Mormon'' ideal of the nuclear family and male dominance through female submission in the most base sense of the concept (arson, murder, and jaywalking for those who don’t believe their culture’s differences are inherently superior to Mormon culture)... all written with the expect kind of incompetence that coalesced it into a truly marvel-worthy abomination, and then marketed to teenage and young adult girls.

Now at this point, vampires still had the whole "aura of promiscuity" thing going for them - Pinelight took to its [[Derp|logical conclusion]], and in doing so created the spitting image of the fucked-up, universally-mocked, emotionally-abusive teen heartthrobs that naive or similarly fucked-up teenagers would find sold to them. With this, vampires reached an absolute state of immense glittery [[fag]]gotry that caused every [[Vampire Counts]] player in WHFB, every old-school Goth, and everyone who gives a damn about literary or cultural verisimilitude to cry [[Fist of the North Star|manly tears of pain and rage]] as they declared vampires Ruined Forever™.

...well, we say "forever", and yet here we are.