Editing The Imperium of Man (section)

==Reasons it sucks to live in the Imperium==
{{heresy}}
{{Topquote|Call no man happy until he is dead.|Thought for the day. Also Aeschylus}}
[[File:Lord General.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Imperial Guard generals are some of the sexiest men alive, <s>and the worst part is that almost all of them are celibate</s> Lies, all lies!...On an unrelated note, this is one of [[Dawn of War 2#Imperial Guard|General Castors]] earlier designs.]]
* The High Lords of Terra are brutal and manipulative.
* The Adeptus Arbites make Judge Dredd seem reasonable.
* Thinking about nothing is the only way to survive. Unless you think about the steely musculature and long, shimmering hair of the Emperor.
* The Hive World you almost certainly live on is an overcrowded shithole where being able to breathe non-recycled air is a luxury.
* Thinking about nothing implies you're thinking, and thinking is '''HERESY'''.
* You are constantly under attack by Orks, Eldar, Tyranids, Dark Eldar, the forces of Chaos, Space Communists, etc.
* If you mutate, you will be at best shunned, but most likely killed, and even death is not the worst case scenario.
* Voices in your sleep keep telling you that Chaos is great, at which point an Inquisitor kills you whether you resist the temptations or not.
* Priests keep telling you the Imperium is great and then report you for not attending the entirety of your third mass service of the designated planetary worship day, at which point you are executed by local law enforcement.
* Imperial Navy can press-gang you off the streets to work you to death on a starship, manually doing tasks that were supposed to be performed by automated systems that were "lost", except Mechanicus still have them on ''their'' ships.
* If you aren't in the Navy you are in the Imperial Guard, which means you will either die painfully on the battlefield or be executed by a Commissar for not being loyal enough to die on the battlefield. Seriously, many worlds hold your funeral the day before departure, people mourn your passing while you are standing next to them, and you are considered to be already dead.
* Your planetary governor is incompetent, ruthless, heretical or just very greedy (if you're lucky). Any that aren't are rarer than an Ork that doesn't WAAAAGH!, and either dead or about to be killed by one or more of the Imperium's enemies (or someone else from the Imperium).
* Even if you DO win the war via sheer hard-work, chances are that you are sterilized and shipped to a labor camp because you MIGHT have the taint of Chaos. And killed.
* Your whole life consists of working your ass off with no hope of social advancement. Unless you're a noble, in which case nothing in this list applies to you anyway.
* You can be executed for taking incorrect care of your gun and angering the Machine Spirit. And that assumes the Machine Spirit doesn't kill you first.
* Loyalist Space Marines never get laid, eve-{{BLAM}}

{{BLAM|+ This article's approved author has been seized by the local authorities for [[heresy]]. Please again, report all known contacts and co-conspirators to your local [[Commissar]]. ++ You may resume reading this article with an even more approved author. +}}

* If you happen to be an Inquisitor, you are expected to watch whatever you order. Vomiting is '''HERESY'''.
* Technology scares you. Not much of a change, though is it?
* You are poor and uneducated. Isn't a change, either.
*If and when you die, the chances that anyone will ever give a shit about your death are nearly nonexistent. Again, nor much of a change there either.
* The Orks might eventually (re)unite and destroy the Imperium. 
* The Necrons will eventually awaken and might destroy the Imperium.
* Chaos cannot be defeated and will probably destroy the Imperium sooner or later.
* Tyranids are pouring in from nearly all sides of the galaxy and will probably destroy the Imperium through the power of OMNOM.
* If you're not dead in the Guard, dead in the Navy, very dead in the PDF, or dead as a civilian, you're a heretic and alien-sympathizer. Therefore executed, and therefore dead.
* The Imperium routinely cleanses Xeno species. So if you're a wandering Eldar Craftworld or even a minor xenos race on a conquered planet expect no sympathy or even a quick death.
* Due to extreme xenophobia, Imperium constantly fuck-ups alliances with relatively-adequate xenos (Eldar, Tau, Votann, minor xenos, some varinats of Necton, etc). Which results in Imperium fighting on more fronts than it already does, without help of useful allies - which can end up dooming the Imperium.
* Independence is nonexistent, and the Imperium has even destroyed two perfectly healthy, anti-chaos empires called Adrantis Five and Interex, granted the second one they destroyed thanks to Chaos bullshit, [[derp|whoops!]] 
** The first was due to a mis-identification by over-eager Imperial Psychotic Killers, and given that the second was a civilization that had a race who created Chaos artifacts, including the big one that led to Horus' corruption, that's arguably a good thing since they might as well have been a ticking time bomb.
* Incompetence is also nonexistent, and if you show competence, you are imbued by the Chaos Gods and therefore executed for Heresy.
* Thinking ANY model is sexy is obvious heresy.
* And let's not even get started on what it's like if you're on the wrong side of the [[Great Rift]].
* Either you work, or you die. It's that simple. SO BACK TO THE MANUFACTORUMS AND STOP READING NOW!!!
**If by some shred of luck you don't get executed for dereliction of duty, then the lasgun you didn't make while slacking off meant that a Guard Regiment got equipped too late to be deployed to save your world.