Editing Warhammer High (section)

==Just Another Day On Void Platform 13==

Living on his own for so long, the Emperor had quickly become accustomed to hiding his thoughts. The great leader of Mankind had further learned, upon revealing himself to humanity as a whole, that keeping his psychic powers very tightly constrained when others were around was wise.

So it was with some surprise that he found himself one day eavesdropping on one of his granddaughters. He hadn’t meant to, but it was hard NOT to, he had simply been walking through the rooftop gardens of the Palace on Terra and found Venus chatting with someone he didn’t recognize. Before he could say anything or Venus could spot him, though, he saw the young man she was with speaking.

“So, of course, we freeze. We all know what that sound means,” the young man said excitedly.

“Of course,” Venus giggled. “What did you do?”

“Well,” the young man said, sighing dramatically, “I…TRIED to maintain order, but, you know, panic sets in so fast.”

“Oh, I know,” she replied flatly, a smirk tugging her lips. The young man didn’t notice her sarcasm.

“Well, I’m frantically voxing the rest of the squad, trying to keep them in line, when the crazy son of a bitch rounds the corner in person. He’s coated from head to toe in varnish, naturally enough, and I was lucky enough to have a soap grenade handy, so I try to use it. It works, and he comes bumrushing in, going all ‘vengeance’ this and ‘HONK HONK’ that,” the young man said, apparently making a conscious effort to keep his voice down. Venus spotted her grandfather out of the corner of her eye and waved while the young man paused for breath.

“Wait, you can make soap weapons?” she asked, returning her attention to her boyfriend. 

“Sure, if the assistant isn’t being a shitheel and off bothering the miners or something,” the young man said. “It’s all on the net. Anyway, he’s coming at me with a mad-on, and I’m backpedaling like crazy, hoping that the rest of the squad can stop him before he gets me.”

“And did they?” Venus asked, struggling to hide a grin at her boyfriend’s enthusiasm and grandfather’s mounting confusion.

“Hell no. I gave it a good try, but he was just robust for me. Anyway, I’m dead as a doornail at this point, ghosting around like a silent fart in a crowded elevator, watching the whole server go to hell as the varnish singularity spreads, and the security guys finally manage to down the stupid clown, but the damage is done, and nobody alive has soapies. So the Captain calls in the shuttle, and the survivors crowd around the bay, when someone asks if the vents are sealed.” He leaned closer to her, his face grim. “Dead. Silence. NOBODY thought to seal the vents.”

“Fuck,” Venus giggled.

“No kidding. After about ten seconds of the loudest silence ever, the air vents start spewing varnish. EVERYWHERE. The crew is freaking out, trying to get the hell away from it, but it just didn’t work. The shuttle was FIFTY meters from the station when the pressure wall gives, and the whole, freshly varnished crew just launches into the black.”

Venus clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter, while her companion didn’t even bother with that, slapping his knee and doubling over in his chair with mirth. Finally, he turned back to his girlfriend and sighed contentedly. “You had to be there.”

The Emperor very quietly backed up a few steps, then shook his head and walked back into the building. “Kids these days,” he muttered.