Editing Walmart Apocalypse (section)

====PACHINKO-LOTTERY====

Your players have actually managed to do it. They’ve found one of the rarest of items, a winning WalLottery ticket. It’s an unheard of feat and with it comes the opportunity to acquire a wonderfully useful item no one’s had in centuries; money. Now all they have to do is insert it into the pachinko lottery machine in Tobacco and hope for the best. Of course, it’s more likely that they’ll be once again endangered by this opportunity as you roll on the WalLottery chart for their reward…

WELCOME TO THE WALBRAND PACHINKO LOTTERY©*

WHICH PRIZE DO YOU WISH TO RECEIVE:

>CASH

>ITEM

>YOU HAVE SELECTED CASH

*(Consumers should be aware that prizes are not available across all areas, may be valued less than advertised, may be valued more than advertised, recipient may not receive prize from intended category, statutory genetic information my be collected from prize recipient, recipient's contact details may be forwarded to advertisers and intelligence agencies, faults commonly occur with Wal-Brand Service Drones© in nearby area, potential recipients health may be endangered by ozone formed by WalBrand Pachinko Lottery© Machine and that WalMart© and associated companies are not liable for any damages caused as a result of using these services.)

THANK YOU CUSTOMER AND GOOD LUCK

(DM Side Note once we actually get d100 chart: If you don't wish to use the random lottery prize table, that's perfectly fine. Just make up something. Go on, it's alright. The more darkly humorous and ironically excruciating to your players the better. Make them fear the almighty pachinko lottery. They'll forgive you eventually. Probably.)

(Also, include joke about 25 pound diamond size of human head in d100 table, cursed item, useless )