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== Chill Anon's Midlands Oneshot == Be me, DM running experimental one shot in Gloria-Etalia setting Be not me, 3rd level barbarian maid for Vampire Baroness and Old Farmer Warlock Both are from the Grand Duchy, becuase that is the area that I know best Cannibal cults have been stealing a few people here and there Soldiers would just get lost and taken out if they cross as a group Vampire Baroness tasks party to go across the border and kill some cultists Would remind them not to mess with the Duchy Also tasked to bring back any dead bodies if they can get away with it Old Farmer Warlock to be paid by the tounge, the maid will get a special payment Get sent across the border during the night becuase they have sunlight sensitivity Crosses a very steep mountainous pass but with not a lot of width to it,so they cross easily enough Land in marshland and are stunned by strange and alien world They have never seen so much fauna in their life, due to the ecology of the Duchy tfw trees have green things on them, and toad isn't pure black Barbarian casts speak with animals to talk to the toad Rolls a history check to remember what the cultists look like and some basic lore about them Gets a nat 1 Can only remember rumors about cultists "They are savage, inhuman creatues that are basically monsters" Toad leads them to a scary looking tree, and then buggers off They go into the marshes searching for cultists Find a human footprint, and follow it back to a camp Camp is five humans around an unlit campfire 1 man, 3 women, and 1 boy, who all have only a blanket on them Party decides to stealth up to take them out one by one Debate on who to take out first, and Old Farmer Warlock throws a knife as a distraction to wake them up why.jpg throws knife and wakes the boy up, who fails his spot check and lies back down Fails to overhear the party debating what to do next Party takes a look at the cultists, and notice a few things Cultists have chunks of flesh missing fingers, toes, flesh from the body Party realises that cultists cannot be cultists, and must be native running from the cultists nat 1 history check from earlier comes to bite them in the ass Decide that they cannot kill such helpless savages Will bring them back alive to live to become civilized in the Duchy Barbarian talks about how the kid is should be the priority, as he can be convinced to be civilised the easiest Decide what to do next Old Farmer Warlock decides to eldrich blast their campfire pit, to wake them all up WHY.jpg "Are you sure" "...Umm..." "...Yes" WHYYYYYY.jpg Old Farmer Warlock's player did bike 12 miles in 92 degree weather today, so I don't blame his decision making on him Old Farmer Warlock blows up the campfire with a flaming eldrich blast Proceeds to give a simi-coherent speech about coming with them to live a better, move civilized life Tries to convince them to come with the party WHAT.jpg PC's look like pale humans due to having never been exposed to the sun Giant pupils to see in the dark Just blew up their camp with an ELDRICH BLAST I call a break to go to the bathroom, and burst out laughing when I must myself I come back, and tell Old Man Farmer to roll persuasion with disatvantage Doesn't make the two nat 20s somehow to not make them run away They scream at the top of their lungs and run away Maid Barbarian proceeds to ge a nat 20 on initative, Old Farmer Warlock a 21 All cultists get below a 15 Maid Barbarian then goes to grappel one of the women and a child who is grabing the women 15 DC to only get the woman, 20 DC to get both of them rolls a 22 They cry out in fear Old Farmer Warlock then casts hold person on the man success.jpg The other two women start to run as fast as their legs can carry them Maid Barbarian then tries to tie the woman-child combo up Gets a nat 20 I rule that he gets another action because of the nat 20 Proceeds to shoot one of the running women in the leg, trying to deal non lethal damage Gets max damage on the short crossbow, 10 dmg Is using commoner statblock Checks hp 4 hp for the commoner She falls, instantly dead Other woman hesitates for a second, then continues running The woman and child are still crying and screaming Old Farmer Warlock ties up man, and then starts to go after the other woman Maid Barbarian goes to pick up the "unconscious" woman Try to tell him to make a survival check, but keeps interrupting me to tell me that picking up the woman should be a free action okthen.jpg Old Farmer Warlock runs after the other woman Maid Barbarian makes the survival check Realises there is a LOT of blood around for an unconscious person Sets her down and covers her with some sticks Walks back to the captured cultists covered in blood Child starts to scream and cry, saying Kanra, Kanra! Woman with him, who is also sobbing, hugs him closly Maid Barbarian OOC makes the connection that they are "surface raiding like the drow" Old Farmer Warlock comes back and lets the woman cultist get away The man finally makes his save on the hold person spell, and starts to scream and cry as well The party tries to calm them down, and says that they are here to help them Woman figures out that they are from across the barrier (the mountians) from the Duchy Man fails to spit on Old Farmer Warlock, and tells them that he would never submit to unholy monsters as his ruler. Maid Barbarian takes this as a personal insult on his Dutchess, and proceeds to tell him that if he makes another comment like that again, she will kill him, Man, thinks about this "Vania, take care of the child." Proceeds to insult the duchy, the vampires, and the PC Vania screams out NOOOOO and starts to sob The man has very good religious reasons why he wants to die rather than be brough back to the Duchy I wrote some lore for them for this which I will post tomorrow Basically he things that his soul will go to fuel the vampire If he dies here, there is a chance they will leave his body where he could be found and eaten His soul would then go into the people that ate him, instead of the unholy vampires Maid Barbarian proceeds to pick him up by the neck and drag him away to get decapitated Old Farmer Warlock convinces him not to kill the man The man is screaming at her to kill him now The woman and child are crying as they see their family member get hualed off to die Is 11:15 and everyone wants to go to bed now except me The session then ends with the PC's having no idea what to do (Part 2) Party has no idea what to do Talks among themselves for 10irl minutes, debating options Decide to head back to the mountain, and chain gang the captured cultists to bring them along with Start to head back to the mountains and their exit Halfway back they hear a noise and stop Turning around, they see an old man crouching behind a tree watching them They also see him motion his hand in a stop motion behind him Roll initiative Three old people dressed in robes and one shaggy beastman with bull horns step out of the woods Mechanically, this is three acolytes and a reskinned lizardfolk attacking them The captured cultists yell to him that they humans are dangerous Old Farmer Warlock steps forward to attack, and gets half of his hp taken out by the beastman Switches out with the Main Barbarian, who proceeds to fuck the cultists up The cultists fall in short succession, and one even gets captured running away The captures cultist is an old woman, who seems strangely fit and healthy for someone her age She is unconscious, and is slung over the Maid Barbarians back They continue to the mountains, and are unmolested along the way They call up to the soldiers that they are back, who hear them and drop down two ropes They call up that they have company with them No response, as the soldiers don't hear them During this, there have been small interactions between the cultists and the party A lot of name calling on the cultists part, and one of them states that they would rather die than be brought to the party’s unholy masters This is taken lightly by the party They decide this will do and go to tie the captured cultists to the rope so they can climb up They turn to find the ropes binding them fall away, and a knife in the woman's hand They never searched the cultists The cultists turn to run, and get stomped by the party Old Farmer Warlock rolls a three to tie up the kid, does a terrible job and knows it Turn to talk to the man and woman some more, and tell them that they were foolish to try to escape See a smirk on the man’s face and relief on the woman’s, and turn to see that the child is gone ”Oh well, we still have you three” Go to search the man and woman to see what they find Cultist man rolls a 13 to hide his knife, Maid Barbarian rolls a twelve Being satisfied, they tie them to the mountain rope, and they all start to head up Man, then woman, then Maid Barbarian with the old woman cultist on one rope Old Farmer Warlock is on the other rope Halfway up, they see a glint in the man’s hand, who starts to cut the rope to head back up the mountain Maid Barbarian cannot get to him, and asked Old Farmer Warlock to do something Old Farmer Warlock decides to simply blast him The cultist are using the commoner stat block, instant death His knife falls out of his hand, and the wife catches it Maid Barbarian sees this and armlocks the hand behind her back She drops the knife, and it is sent down the mountain to the earth Maid Barbarian makes a comment on how the man must have been suicidal to the woman, to try to send them to their doom like that ”Better death than oblivion” Maid Barbarian does some acrobatics to untie the man Debates whether to just cut him and half and have the blood and guts fall on his wife on the way down Decides against this, and just tosses him off of the mountain They continue up, and reach the top Are met by the guards, who bring them up and gets them situated The woman tries and fails to run off of the mountain top, is stopped by Maid Barbarian’s firm grip They rapellel down the other side, back to the Grand Duchy and away from that unfamiliar land Halfway down, the cultist woman goes into a freefall Her rope gets caught by the Maid Barbarian, but falls enough to warrant a d4 of damage With her shit luck, would most likely get a 1 and would only be lightly bruised Gets a 4 and the woman falls unconscious Maid Barbarian decided to rappel down with her Gets a shit roll, and they both go into a freefall, Maid Barbarian catches herself and the woman’s rope, but the woman falls enough to warrant another d4 of damage Most likely going to just get a 1 or 2 and be fine, if still unconscious on a cliff Gets a 4, and her head cracks against the rocks Shit.png Maid Barbarian retrieves the body and gets to the bottom safely Goes back to the outpost to meet back up with the vampire lieutenant After taking a bath to get all of the blood off of them, they head up Finds the lieutenant waiting for them, and is out of uniform Congratulates them on not only spreading fear among the cultists, but going above and beyond bringing one back alive Says that the live one would make a good gift to the Duke and Duchess themselves Askes to.. “experience” the dead woman, and her blood should still be warm They agree, and leave the room for a few minutes Come back, and the lieutenant looks a lot healthier, with a red flush fresh in his cheeks Smiles, pays Old Farmer Warlock 100 gp for his work and the “excellent meal” For the Maid Barbarian, writes a letter recommending 1 week off as her reward Maid Barbarian is surprised at the generosity, and accepts this along with the praise from the admiral Sessions ends with them heading back by carriage, looking out at their homeland, and thinking about what they just did
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