Editing Femarchs (section)

===Lara's Anon===

You grunted with exertion as you heaved.

Guttering torches cast a dim, flickering light over the fortress hallway, their shadows dancing what appeared to be an average-build human bent double over the weight of a loud, massive, blonde woman alternating between loud singing, hanging limp over the anon, or actively resisting in order to go back in the opposite direction.

In all due fairness, it was a pretty good party.

Lara Russ had somehow dug Magara out of her room and dragged her over to the main hall, where Bjorn had gotten the legion serfs to drag nearly every keg from the stores to throw a massive victory feast. 

Purging Orks from a planet warranted a party, after all.

Magara had managed to slip away a few hours in, but you had to stay with Lara. Besides, the ale was flowing freely and the pit-roasted grox was insanely good.

You had decided to keep your wits about you and be the designated thinker, especially since Lara was already onto her third barrel of ale.

Good grief, where did she put it all?

Halfway through the fourth barrel, Lara was standing on top of the table, swaying as she loudly regaled the room with the tale of how she faced the Warboss in single combat, haphazardly swinging a half-chewed turkey leg like a sword between bites. 

After the fifth barrel, she was loudly leading the room in an off-key singalong, The songs growing more and more vulgar and raunchier by the verse. Apparently promiscuous farseers are a common song topic on Fenris.

It was during the seventh barrel when she stumbled off the table and crashed straight through a wooden chair that you decided she had had enough. 

You helped her up from the splintered remains and managed to steer her stumbling antics in the rough direction of her chambers, the stone hallway echoing with Lara's off-key renditions.

”THE JARL SAID NO! THE MAID SAID NO! THE POOR LITTLE KNIFE-EAR WAS RARING TO GO!” Sang out Lara, her arms draped over your shoulders and her body trailing along the ground behind you as you half carried, half dragged her in the direction of her chambers.

Halfway there. You're making progress.

”HER FINGERS DIDN'T HELP HER, HER STAFF WAS OUT OF LUCK! NO-WHERE ON THE PLANET COULD THE FARSEER FIND A F-urp!”
You heard a great retch behind you before a wet splatter impact the back of your head, the smell of half-digested grox, ale and bile assaulting your nose as the brief technicolour yawn oozed its way down the back of your shirt.

”...Allll better now!”

You gritted your teeth through the sheer revulsion and continued on, your muscles screaming from the exertion of moving such an ungainly mass down a cobblestone hallway, when the tap-tap sound of claws upon stone could be heard approaching from down the hallway.

The two great Fenrisian wolves Freki and Geri emerge from the hallway before you, sniffing at their dozing mother and your reeking clothes, when an idea comes to you...

”Hey Freki, Geri! You mind helping me out here?” 

The two wolve share a look between each other. You know they haven't liked you much since you were sent here by the Empress, but it's never gone more than a few warning snaps at your heels. Something you've found they enjoy doing. But you are helping their mother...

”I'll give you three grox ears if you help me get Lara to her room.”

Greki lets out a snuffle, before the two slowly begin padding away.

”All right, four. Each.”

They pause.

”Hickory smoked.”

- - -

“Weeeeeee!”
Lara let out a slurred cheer as she was dragged through the hallway by the two gargantuan wolves, her arms holding on to the fur on their backs as they padded through the fortress with little complaint to the Femarch they were hauling.

You jogged alongside them, struggling to keep pace after the sheer effort of manhandling a Femarch through the winding maze of the Fang.

Eventually you see the great barred door of wood and iron that marked your Femarch's chambers.

Finally, you're here.

Heaving the door open, you stand aside and let Lara's wolves pad in, letting her slump down on the pelt of a massive frost bear she had fought some time ago, earning a cheerily slurred “Thank 'oo babies, mama luvves youu...” from Lara.

Glory be, you need a shower after this.

Looking down at Lara, you notice her clothes and furs were splattered with sick, greasy food stains, and splotches of ale. And she'd probably kill you if you let her sleep like that.

Well, you thought to yourself as you peeled off your sodden shirt and began hauling Lara over to her bathing room. Might as well...

- - -

”Wh...whydoai...gotta..um...gotta shower, anon?” Lara asks you, the Femarch fumbling at her clothes as you try and pull off one of her furred boots. 

”Well, it's bed time. And you're covered in puke and ale.” 

”Who did that to me? I'LL KILL 'EM!”

”Relax, relax. It was you who did that, Lara.”

”Oh...I can't kill me. I like me!”
You let out a grunt as one of her boots finally comes free of her foot. “That's good. A lot of people like you, Lady Lara.” you answer before working on the other one.

”Do you like me, Anon?”

”I do, Lara. Otherwise I wouldn't be here.”

“Oh...” she answered, the gears turning in her mind before a silly grin spread over her face. “You liiiiiike me! You Luuurrrve me!” she began to sing.

”Yes Lara, and I'd really like you to go have a shower for me, okay?”

”I...I cn do thaat...”

”That's great! I'll be waiting outside for you.” You smile to her, before stepping out of the wash room and closing the door behind you.

After a minute you hear the squeak of a faucet before the faint hiss of water falling onto tiles, followed closely by another round of The Farseer's Staff has a Knob on the End.

You're getting better at handling Drunk Lara, you realise as you begin to tidy up around what you had come to think of as Lara's den. 

Freki and Geri sat curled up on Lara's great bed, watching you pointedly as you worked. 

”Don't worry, I haven't forgotten. Four grox ears each.”

You get back to your work when you hear the wash room door swing open, followed by the rapid slapping of wet feet against stone before a pair of water-slick arms grab you around the middle and lift you up like you were a rag doll.

”Come shower with me, Anon!”

You're lifted over Lara's shoulder as she marches back in, your last sight being Freki and Geri's tongues lolling out in laughter as their mother closes the washroom door behind you.

Instantly your vomit drenched clothes are peeled off of you before you're carried into the shower proper, trying to avert your eyes where possible as the Femarch of the Wolves began to roughly scrub you down with a cake of soap and a washcloth, singing all the while. 

don'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlook.

You inadvertently catch glimpses of pale flesh as you're turned this way and that under the piping hot shower head, before the drunk Lara finally decides you're both done and fumbles the faucet off.

”WOO! WE'RE CLEAN, ANON!” Lara bellows, as you frantically try and wrap her in a towel to preserve her modesty.

”Yes Lara, we're both finally clean...” you wearily agree, the adrenaline finally wearing off and allowing events of the night to catch up to you. “...Thank you for that, Lara. If you don't mind, I think I'll head to my room now...”

”You're sleeping with me.”

”What?”

With that, Lara slings you back over her shoulder and carries you out the wash room, strutting unsteadily with drunken pride at her brilliant idea before dropping you unceremoniously onto the bed before her and climbing in after you, Freki and Geri instantly curling up around you and their mother before the faint drunken snoring filled the chambers. 

You blink as you find your world become naught but pale flesh and fur as she hugs you close in her sleep, like a child would a stuffed toy.

...What the fuck just happened?

- - -

”Anon, get up.”

A sharp poke of Lara's finger jolted you awake.

You looked around bleary-eyed as the events of last night began flooding back to you, a twinge of fear beginning to take hold of you as you looked over to Lara.

She was already out of bed, the Femarch having tied a Dressing gown loosely over her body whist nursing a large glass of water with a tablet bubbling away inside. The look on her face was level and calm, yet still reminded you of thin ice over a yawning ravine. 

”Anon, what happened last night?”
You sat up as best as you could, before realising the state of undress you were in and quickly covering yourself with a bedsheet. 

“Nothing! Nothing at-”

”Anon. What. Happened?”

”Y-you got drunk last night, so I carried you to your room.” You spoke hurriedly. “Your wolves helped me most of the way after you upchucked on me, so I got you into the shower so you could clean yourself off before getting you into bed. You then dragged me into the shower with you before carrying me into your bed and falling asleep.”

”I see.” she answered frostily, her eyes like shards of ice as she spoke. “And did you do anything?”

”What? NO! I would never!”

She simply glares at you before turning to her wolves. “Freki? Geri? Is he telling the truth?”
The two nod their heads in ascent before padding over to their mother.

”I see. Well then Anon, you've passed the test!”

”Oh thank god...” you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding before pausing and looking up. “Wait, what?”

”Yeah, I was just testing you.” Lara confirmed, taking a deep drink of her asprine before continuing. “Mama sent you to me with little answers as to why beyond a simple “Make use of him” so I had to find out just what kind of person you are before I could do anything with you. If you had failed, my babies would be playing tug-o-war with your entrails before you could do anything about it. But you've shown me that you're honourable, honest, and willing to go to great lengths to protect me from embarrassment or harm. So congratulations! You're now my new huskarl. Just do all the chores I don't want to do, focus on the training I'll put you through, and you'll serve me well.”

You fight through the confusion before finally processing the job offer. “Um...sure! I accept.”

”Good! Good. Oh, and Anon?”

”Yes, Lady Lara?”

”You're allowed to look.”