Editing Immortal's Handbook (section)

==New Creatures==
The Handbook details a huge quantity of new monsters and new templates, of variable quality but general good execution. The declared CR for monsters are off-the-charts, and even if some of the monsters are MASSIVELY over-CRed, all the critters requires a lot of effort to be put down. All stated CRs must be taken with a pinch of salt, as some of them can be defeated by beings of an order of magnitude (or more) lower level than they are - but this is mostly due to Epic-Level D&D being more broken than a NEET bank account than bad design on the author's part. 

Many monster concepts are good, with a bunch of Eldritch Abominations done absolutely right, and a Game Master worth his salt should be able to turn them into interesting encounters and [[Big Bad Evil Guy|good Final Bosses]] to use in more sensible games. 

Actually using the monsters "as stated" is an interesting experiment. Some of them rolls so many dice that you need a spade or a bucket: the Great Wyrm Nexus Dragon has 680D1000 hit points, meaning that you need to roll 2040 dices just to ''start'' the encounter. At 10 gram per dice, it's a weight of 20 kilos - 44 pounds for the less enlightened. 

Then there's the logistics of the fight: some of the monsters have a superluminal speed, meaning that you just can't see them. And if you think about it for a second, you'll realize that something hitting you at light speed is... well, let's say that "total point-black annihilation" [https://what-if.xkcd.com/1/ ''barely''] describes it.

====Abominations====
* '''Amilictli''' (CR 62):  has the dubious privilege of being displayed on the cover. Basically a supermassive air elemental with tornadoes for fingers that grows stronger and stronger the more you hurt him.
* '''Anakim''' (CR 38): Hyper strong human-looking abominations. Despite being mouthless they have a good sonic attack due to the author being familiar with '90s videogames and old, good sci-fi, and has an everdancing chain as a weapon because if Andromeda from Saint Seiya can have one so can an half-naked brute.
* '''Gibborim''' (CR 48): a gargantuan monster born out of the vomit of Gods of gluttony and hunger. While not huge, it's a lot bigger on the inside: its innards are a nightmare of flesh and putrid acids that functions as a separate demiplane notable for having his own Random Encounter table. You've read that right: an encounter table for the ''insides'' of a monster, complete with questing Devas on the rescue of trapped inhabitants, acid rains and 24HD Digesters. While the concept is brilliant, a monster looking like an obese man with an elephant head and having two stumpy chicken-wing arms is not exactly scary. The name is taken from Biblical mythology.
* '''Odium''' (CR 42): The bastard love-child between a Venus Flytrap and some Cthulhoid abomination, it's a carnivorous plant that uses enslaved victims as puppets. Not the most inventive of monsters, but perfect if you want to play ''Invasion of the Body Snatchers 2: Electric Boogaloo.'' 
* '''Sadim''' (CR 39): A Construct that rises from treasure hoards possessed by the Gods of Greed. They desire gold and wealth above everything else, but they spread a magical disease that causes valuable items to crumble to dust - so they need to steal continuously. ''Sadim'' is ''Midas'' spelled backwards, for those who can't find their own asses using both hands and a Find Ass spell.

====Angels====
Angels are a really questionable aspect of the D&D mythology: their existence implies the existence of an "absolute" God rather than the multiple pantheons that are common in all setting. Also PCs that fights monsters in the level of magnitude of those described there are probably minor Deities or Demigods themselves, so the existence of a God with a standing army is problematic to say the least. All this is obviously totally unanswered, and all the explanations you get are a nice chart with precise numbers for all types of angels, an omnipotent and omniscient God, infinite Time Lords (yes, literally like our beloved gallifreyan Doctor) and some mystical mumbo-jumbo. 
* '''Cherubim''' (CR 136): You all know Cherubins right? Plump kids flying around with bows that makes you fall in love? Well, forget about it: this Cherubim is an huge [[Lamassu]] that left the Chaos Dwarves when Warhammer fantasy forgot about them, took a bunch of steroids and ended up here as one of the strongest angels. Members of the Egkosmioi (the First Choir of Angels), only 24 of them exists, every one "woven" in a layer of the higher planes (how? [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sodomy%20non%20sapiens Sodomy Non Sapiens]), so don't expect them to just wander around. Their roar alone causes enough damage to one-shot Great Wyrms and keeps echoing until someone stops it via 'miracle' or 'wish' and they give off a constant Prismatic Spray in addition to being constantly on fire.
* '''Elohim''' (CR 46): the classic ''Battle Angel In Shining Armour Carrying Huge Sword To Smite Sinners'' that fundamentalists jacks off to. Each one of them commands an army the approximate size of the entire military of a mid-sized nation. One question remains: why would you name an angel "God"?
** Because, at this order of magnitude, he could qualify as Demigod or Minor Deity. Though, the name is still strange — the better would be «[Name]-Lan-Elohim» («[Name], son of Elohim»). Actual title «Elohim»=God would be better suited for in-game Ophanim and Seraphim.
* '''Kyriotates''' (CR 92): basically Battlepopes that carries a tiara and a cross and that are dressed up in a white robe - only they're called a "Triple Crown", a "Double Rod" and the "Robes of the Septemnary". Each of the 7 of them is the Governor of an Upper Plane, which makes no sense: just imagine the vikings of [[Ysgard]] or the beasts of the [[Beastlands]] bowing down to a Pope, even one as badass as this. 
* '''Malakim''' (CR 61): An Assassin Angel that puts the FUN back into FUNdamentalist.
* '''Ophanim''' (CR 130): The rulers of the Second Choir of Angels, only one of them now exists even if in the past they were hundreds (bit woth variants of resurrection, sci-fi cloning and other things, that can be fixed). For no reason whatsoever they have a Ray attack that changes your sex. 
* '''Seraphim''' (CR 182): One of the two monsters in the books cover and by far the strongest. Divine super-soldiers-officers - an angel with 4 heads and 12 wings, they can convert you to Good by simple touch - because screw you free will - and generally kick an incredible amount of ass. Somehow they obey to the far weaker Ophanims and have the ''cosmic string'' ability that states that they can't be killed by adversaries weaker than them. They also are the Angels of Love, and their Love will make you explode unless you have at least 88HD - don't think about this too hard. Powerful opponents derived from a boring concept, but one of the Adventure Ideas given for this monster is really nice: an artifact that can rotate the axis of the outer planes, changing the Alignment of their inhabitants accordingly. Why such an object was ever made is not stared, but we can imagine a trickster overgod planning a Trolling of multiversal proportions, and could make the basis for a really good Doctor Who episode.

====Aehm... Things====
*'''Akishra''' (CR 44): An infinitely long, eyeless Anglerfish ''in spaaace!'' that takes reality and divides it by zero. Also the severed tentacle of a Cogent (see below). A scary-as-hell monster that feeds on dead gods in the Limbo, appears to be infinitely long because it transcends reality and can surround you by himself and attack you anywhere by bending space. Despite being the severed part of another monster, there's an 8-headed version of this called an '''Astral Hydra''' (CR 87) - because fuck you fluff. This baby can pull off 64 attacks of opportunity ''per round''. Can you spell [[rape]]?
*'''Brood''': Essentially, Slaads 2.0. They live in the plane of Limbo and embody Chaos and randomness.
*'''Sygyzy''' (CR 40) the Brood Lord of Time looks like two toad-like humans joined by the head, one with its feet to the floor and one to the ceiling. It's as stupid looking as it sounds.
*'''Cogent''' (CR 88): Floating brains. May sound silly, but read on. Disembodied brains of the Elder Gods, they come from the Far Realm to party hard and are totally capable of tearing Reality a new one since they give exactly zero fucks to even basic rules like "look, we play in 3 spatial dimensions here". One of their ability is called ''Mind Boggling'' and allows them to attack a single target with all of their tentacles at once - you have seen enough Hentai so see were this is going, and that's before you factor in the fact that each tentacle is a monsters that makes an abyssal fish looks like a cute fluffy bunny.  
*'''Grigori''' (CR 17): Uatu the Watcher from Marvel Comix. No, we don't know what the fuck he's doing here, either.

====Daemons, Demons and Devils ====
Evil spirits form the Lower Planes, complete with hierarchy and precise numbers: for instance there are exactly 888000 Low Daemons. No clue of how this works, but we can imagine the Lower Planes' most unfortunate clerk crossing out the number then walking up to a lesser Daemon and telling him "Look, John Abraxas has been butchered, you've been promoted, sign ''here'', ''here'' and ''here''" every time you kill one of the poor sods.
Daemons are Neutral Evil and should represent the Yugoloths, Demons are Chaotic Evil and takes the place of Tanar'ri, while Devils are the Legal Evil Baatezu.
* '''Cicatrix''' (CR 31): The Horse-Headed head torturer of the Lower Planes, draped in the flayed skin of his victims. It's supposed to cause ''fear'' and generally be horrible and scary, until you realize you're looking at an horse wearing a robe. Is worshipped as a minor deity, because if someone believes in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientology#Theological_doctrine a 75-million-year old tyrant that killed people by bombing volcanoes] venerating an evil horse is pretty normal by comparison. 
* '''Kabiri''' (CR 43): The Master of Secrets. A demon with 6 shadows that can trigger PTSD.
* ''' Maskim'''(CR 60): The former rulers of the Nine Hells, of which 7 are stated to exist. How they divided 9 layers between 7 kings is not mentioned, but we can expect a lot of Derp was involved. One of their powers is derived by literal poor hygiene, as they are so covered in blood that weapons skid on them. 

====Dragons====
No D&D bestiary is complete without adding a lot of new Dragons. The Immortals Handbook is no exception. 
The book divides them into 4 main categories: 
* True Dragons: Your standard Dragon
* Epic/Neotic Dragons: The class of beings that includes good ol' Tiamat, Bahamut and all the huge serpent-like monsters from mythology
* Adamic Dragons: Dragons ''in spaaace!''. Million years old, they are distinguished by never having just one head: they have two or more or none. 
* Nehashimic Dragons: Superdragons <STRIKE>''in spaaace!''</STRIKE> ''from other diiiiimensions!''. More Cosmic Horrors than Dragons, they are billion years old and looks like something a cubist artist on heavy drugs would draw during a really bad trip.
All this dragons age like any other, with their power growing and expanding with each age category, and they reach truly ridiculous levels of power. In the following list the CR are listed for both Wyrmling and Great Wyrm, but since all of this Dragons are immortal they can be advanced beyond using standard rules.
* '''Time Dragon''' (CR 116/248): Two-headed Adamic Dragon - looks like a snake the size of a supertanker with one head on its tail and spiraling horns. Its ''seventh sense'' ability allows him to meta-game: every day he can replay a number of rounds equal to its age category. Good luck DMing that.
* '''Nexus Dragon''' (CR 416/680): No, you haven't misread that. Nexus Dragons, as all Nehashimic Dragon, are a middle finger to the laws of physics - and it shows: they have a stupid amount of Hit Points (wyrmling starts with over 400000HP), they know every skill, can duplicate every spell up to 100+ level as a free action ''every round'', their breath weapon eradicates you so hard that prevents you from ever having existed at all, they nullify your levels just by existing, you will go permanently insane just by looking at them and they gain a Size Category every round because they break reality. Have [[Fun]]. 
* '''Platinum Dragon''' (CR 29/95): A Dragon Paladin which looks like an unicorn. Calling them [[Bronies]] will get you multiple new assholes in places where no asshole should ever be.
* '''Polychromatic Dragon''' (CR 20/86): Evil beasts born out of "normal" dragons, they are so loathed that they are killed in their infancy by their own mothers. Good luck pulling that off, thought, since even a Very Young Polychromatic Dragon is a CR26 beast that can take a Red Dragon, bend him over and tell him to bite the pillow.
* '''Timber Dragon''' (CR 26/92): A Dragon druid that resembles a tree so much that it can't fly in winter due to having lost all its foliage. Yes, it's a Dragon tree. If you make a Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great Wyrm Timber Dragon you get [http://d20npcs.wikia.com/wiki/Yggdrasil,_Elder_Timber_Dragon Yggrdasil]
* '''Titanium Dragon''' (CR 29/95): Epic Dragons with scales that looks like armour. Likes to fight. Really not interesting.
* '''Void Dragon''' (CR 128/260): An headless Dragon made of night, hate and void, that causes permanent damage and erases non-magical matter with their bare claws. They have the ''Abrogation'' supernatural ability that allows them to negate the benefit of the enemy's strongest ability. What it is or how to determine which to negate is not specified, so expect much trolling if you ever play against one of those. Interesting monster and good execution, but the overall effect is somewhat spoiled when you read the Adventure Idea: "An immortal adventurer returns claiming to have encountered a demiplane where the missing heads sprout like trees" and try to make a mental image of that.

====Elementals====
*'''Quintessence Elemental''' (CR 10/52): as the name implies, is an elemental made out of Quintessence. Quintessence is what make Gods divine, and apparently you can take the divinity out of a God and have it walk around as an autonomus entity. You are even given a spell that's literally named [[what|god-scissors ]] to separate a God form it's Godhood. They look like Zeus on fire. 
*'''Unelemental Elemental''' (CR 10/52): sentient and humanoid Spheres of Annihilation. Nothing special, but a tough nut to crack since the damage they do is permanent. 

====Golems====
Golems in the Immortals Handbook are created according to the Density rules described before: the denser they are, the stronger they get.  The author must have something of an hard-on for golems, because he created them in an frankly excessive amount of details and variety leaving you with the impression that the author has some [magical realm] stuff in mind.

Golems vary in size from Medium (the Guardian), to Large (your vanilla Golem), to Huge (Sentinels), Gargantuan (Gargants... Duh), Colossal (Colossi... we're reaching here) and Titanic (Leviathans). The Leviathans act as a matrioska, and when you kill one it triggers their Nesting ability: it spawns a smaller version of himself and so on until you and your Group are too bored to continue to play, or until those copies are too small to do any damage (less than "Fine"-sized?). 
*'''Diamond Golem''' (CR 7/85): A sparkling Golem made of diamond that can duplicate itself when faced with different opponents although they all share the same HP pool and thus becomes much weaker. Comes in many different colors from Black to Pink.
*'''Force Golem''' (CR 10/294): An invisible Golem made of Force. 
*Ioun Golem:
*'''Mercury Golem''' (CR 12/153): the T-1000 from the much belowed movie Terminator 2. The rules works a lot on the ''unstoppable'' aspect of the <STRIKE>Terminator</STRIKE> Mercury golem, but sadly doesen't mention shapeshifting. 
*[[Neutronium golem]] (CR 9721): A Golem made from the hearth of a Neutron Star. Became briefly famous as the poster-child for this insane of a book. It's an admittedly cool concept, even if somewhat ridiculous in its execution, that has been adapted in more [https://dnd-wiki.org/wiki/Neutronium_Golem_(3.5e_Monster) sane] and [https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Neutronium_Golem,_Lesser_(5e_Creature) usable] versions, as the mere existence of this creature "as stated" on the surface of a planet is enough to make it crumble. The fluff of this monster states that he's able to shatter a planet with a punch as a planet has more or less 80000HP, which makes you wonder how the planet would survive if 10000 people struck a pick to the ground at once (or if a single person hit the planet 10000 times).
*Orichalcum Golem:

====Templates====
*'''Akalich''': A Lich with all the Lichness turned up to eleven, so he's able to Lich like no one has ever Liched before. As you can become and Akalich only after having existed as a Demilich for longer than written history, your bones have long been eroded by time, and just the soul gems remains. They can fly around faster than a jet (because why not) and can use the high level souls he has captured to respawn themselves or deal a couple of hundred HP of damage with no save allowed.
*'''Amidah''': The Ultimate Mary Sue. Literally, all there in the manual: he uses D100s for hit dice, has maximum hit points per dice; can use Wishes at will, is Omnicompetent I.E. he knows everything, and is perfect at everything he does. You name it, he's got it. The example character is the aforementioned 117th Albino Vampire Warrior that fights with 6 major artifacts at once. For some reason "Amidah" is the central prayer of the Jewish liturgy, not that it matters. It gets even stronger when stacked with other templates — think Amidah-Akalich, or Amidah-Akalich-Macrobe-deity of sorts.
*'''Atata''': The template with the goofiest name ever. It supposed to be the exclamation of anguish an immortal creature utters when is released from an eternity of torture. Derp.
*'''Dire Creatures''': Remember how this book introduces a whole new system for monster sizes, allowing you to get monsters as big as planets? New Dire templates lets you exploit the system for Fun and Profit. Remember that you can stack multiple templates one above the other.
** Simple ''Dire'' creatures have been around since 1st Edition, remember the [[Giant Space Hamster]]?
** ''Behemoths'' are creatures increased by two size categories, still nothing offensive
** ''Teratoid'' creatures gets 3 size categories larger. 
** ''Brobdingnagian'': (say that 10 times, fast) makes a creature 4 size categories larger. Take a Tarrasque, make it Teratoid then add this template and you get [http://d20npcs.wikia.com/wiki/Brobdingnagian_Teratoid_Tarrasque Lavos] from Chrono Trigger, complete with world-ending spike rain.
** ''Macrobe'': A creature with 10 size categories added. It seems harmless, but if you take an unsuspecting Turtle and make it a Double Macrobe, you get [http://d20npcs.wikia.com/wiki/A'tuin_the_Star_Turtle A'Tuin the Star Turtle] from [[Discworld]], and if it has stats you can kill it. 
* Flaga